#I love them I really do it's such a shame I wish I could articulate it and put it into words

[cherryredstars]

Hi! I really really love how you write for Simon. Like honestly it is so good. I saw that you're taking regular requests right now, so if it's okay could I request some jealous/insecurity headcanons or a oneshot (any format really) for Simon? Like maybe him and the reader are still working toward being more secure but there's still those moments where there needs to be some reassurance and a bit of comfort.

I just loved your cocky!Simon headcanons and I would love to see the progression of him getting to that point if you know what I mean lol.

Also congrats on 1k!! You deserve it!! I love your blog.

Pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x gn!reader

Warnings: Fluff, Insecurities, Mentions of Simon’s Trauma, Angst (???) with Comfort

Summary: He just needs a little reassurance sometimes.

A/N: I need to write for Simon more, I miss him!!

Word Count: 1.6K (Edited)

Simon’s been jealous before. Envious being a better word. 

He used to be jealous of all the kids who had a loving home to go to. Jealous of peers with perfect parents and perfect siblings. Jealous of all the things he felt like he should have but couldn’t get. But this is a new kind of jealousy, a new insecurity. One so ugly and consuming that he feels particularly shameful of it. 

He knows relationships, especially for him, are all about time. Everything is about time. Hell, he spent fucking months trying to come to terms with the fact that he liked you. Spent even more time building up the courage to ask you out on a date and begin a relationship with him. Add on to that the long hiatuses caused by deployment? This whole relationship is a slowly spinning clock. 

But he’s here, a newly taken man with the kindest thing on his arm. He should be grateful, and he is grateful! Truely, undoubtedly grateful for the opportunity you have given him. But, he can’t help wanting more. From himself mostly, but also from you. And it frustrates him, frustrates him to no end because he knows he’s the reason why the both of you can’t have more. You have told him countless times, drilling it into his head like a daily affirmation that you’re okay with that. That would wait however long it took for Simon to get the hang of this. To fully comprehend what it means to be yours and how to navigate through it. And he is so blessed to have someone so understanding waiting up on him. 

But he sees the difference. Sees the way how natural, how fucking easy it is for you to talk and interact with everyone else. Can see how easy it is for everyone else to interact with you. Things he can’t comfortably do yet. It makes a dark well of hatred form in his stomach because he can't understand why it has to be so hard for him. Why he got the shitty deal of cards, why he got the short end of the stick. He knows, realistically, that it's his fault. So what if his shitty family life and not so glory-filled military career played a part in it? It's still Simon’s own actions at the end of the day. 

It’s fucking torture to watch the casual touches everyone lays on you. How easy it is for your friends to playfully shove your shoulder when you tell a joke, how they don’t hesitate to wrap you in a tight hug when you greet them, how they casually rest their chin or head on your shoulder and complain about everything that went wrong today. Fucking hates how confident people are as they try to flirt with you, how they could so easy articulate their attraction towards you in mere minutes when Simon can’t even do it in months. It makes him want to throw himself against a wall until his screwed up head fixes himself.

And you just look so happy. Smiling at your friends and returning the physical touches with ease. Face beaming with joy as you wrap someone in a hug or link their arm with yours. How you just fucking glow at the compliments given to you by your friends or a passing stranger in the street. He wishes so desperately that he could give you that, that he can casually walk into a room and tell you how fucking stunning you look instead of keeping it in his head. Wishes he could casually grab your hand without feeling like his skin was just dipped into a tub of acid. The only thing that keeps him together is your instant dismissal of anyone that tries to flirt with you, a proud look on your face as you say I have a boyfriend.

But he knows that it doesn’t look like it. Not when there is an obvious space between the two of you as you walk together. Not when he doesn’t make a single move to wrap his arm around you in a crowded space so you don’t get separated. He definitely screams boyfriend when he just watches someone come up to you and try to get into your pants instead of marking his claim on you. Safe to say, he doesn’t expect to find a Best Boyfriend Ever mug under the tree during the holidays this year. 

He knows it pains you too. Can see it every time you instinctively go to grab him only to stop midway through and you give him a bashful smile. Sees how painfully obvious it is when he comes back from deployment and you and him stand outside the terminal gate awkwardly because you don’t know how to greet him if it isn’t with a tight hug. It’s painted all over your face when the both of you are at a group hangout with friends and you watch with an envious gleam in your eyes how the couples are squished into each other’s sides or sitting in their laps. A sharp pain runs through his chest when he can’t even drape his arm over your shoulders to comfort you. He knows that the small smile you give him when you turn towards him is because you know he won’t, even if he really wants to. 

He hates that he can’t give you the simplest of things. Things that are supposed to be so natural in a relationship. Things that were promised to you when he asked you to be his partner. Things that make you so happy. He hates the idea that he’s robbed you of something. That something being a happy and normal relationship. That feeling builds and builds until he’s an insecure mess on your couch as you guys have a movie night.

You’re on opposite sides of the couch, something that makes him want to choke himself out. He’s spread out, arms thrown over the top of the sofa and legs spread. You’re pushed into the arm of the sofa, making sure none of your limbs touch him accidentally. He almost wants to throw up when the actors on screen run into each other’s arms and a small ‘aww’ leaves your lips with a dizzying smile. His hands clench and unclench as the movie ends. You sit up stretching and about to leave for a bathroom break before putting on the next movie when Simon speaks up. 

“I’m sorry.”

Your head snaps to him quickly, a confused furrow forming in between your brows. You’re about to open your mouth to question him when he continues, “I’m trying, but…it’s hard.”

It’s not much of a clarification, but you still understand what he’s talking about. A sympathetic smile comes across your face as you approach him. This time, you sit next to him but still not touching him. A tenseness leaves Simon’s body, preferring you close by even if he can’t touch you. You’re fully turned to him, a look of admiration on your face as you study him. The look ignites his soul and that little well of hate dries up the tiniest bit. 

“I know you have, and I’m so, so proud of you, Si.” The small tilt of your head and soft smile makes him want to nuzzle his face into your neck and shower you in his own praise. He knows he’s practically glowing from your words, and he can’t find it in himself to be embarrassed. 

“Still… I know how happy it would make you. Just… please.” He doesn't know when the lump formed in his throat, but he tries to subtly get rid of it. 

The way you melt into the couch also makes him melt into the fabric. The two of you study each other for a moment, taking in each other’s presence. Slowly you get up and Simon moves to get up too, a moment of panic running through his veins before it dies away when you grab his empty mug from the coffee table. You give him another soft smile as you hold the cup tightly in your grasp.

“Of course, Simon. Thank you for trying. Thank you for wanting to try for me. That is what makes me happy” 

You leave Simon there, excusing yourself to make him more tea and going to the bathroom. He sits and stares at the TV, a new feeling emerging in his chest. It pushes away the insecurity and that hatred and the jealousy. It expands until his own body is buzzy and a puff of air leaves him. Everything feels lighter, brighter now. This feeling is new. One so beautiful and consuming that he feels particularly at peace with it. Love, he thinks. He thinks it might just be love.

So when you come back to sit at his side, mindlessly blowing at the surface of his cup of tea before giving it to him, he lets the tips of his fingers purposely brush over yours. He holds your gaze, making sure you know it wasn’t an accident. A beaming smile forms on your face and he feels a smaller one form on the rim of his mug. He turns away then, sipping on his tea as you look for the next movie to put on. 

He doesn’t touch you again that night. But it still made all the difference. That one, singular touch was worth everything. 

The next night, he comes back to your apartment and stares down at the new mug that greeted him when he opened the cabinet. His finger rubs against the printed words with a lovesick smile. 

Best Boyfriend Ever.

I ♡ Simon Riley mug when???

[pochipop]

＃GENSHIN IMPACT !! ♡ — ON THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON (CHILDE X READER).

#. synopsis! — childe knows he doesn't deserve this, but he just can't let you go .

#. characters! — childe .

#. warnings! — angst .

#. word count! — 1k .

#. alt accounts! — @ddollipop (nsfw) @yyolkchi (reblog/spam) .

#. others! — navigation & masterlist .

#. a/n! — this is my "from the vault" era. most of the things i'll be posting for a while will probably have been started anywhere from a few months to over a year ago. i have a huge google doc just stocked with fics that i started and never finished, so i'm trying to wrap some of them up neatly enough to post them and at least let them see the light of day lol.

It’s always lonely at the top.

On nights like this, Childe realizes that now more than ever. Snezhnaya is his home, —but in a more abstract sense of the term. He knows the snow-covered lands and the bitter chill of frost like the backs of his scarred hands, and yet this nation feels less like the soft place he can fall upon each time he returns from somewhere else. It’s the center of his youth, the place that fills most of his heart, but things have certainly changed since he was little more than a young boy who loved making angels in the snow. The world moves faster now; days bleed into weeks in a matter of moments, and there are many times Childe wishes that the weather could freeze time like it does everything else around here.

Still, maybe it’s better that it doesn't. Even if it did somehow, he’s not sure how he’d spend that time anyway. A part of him is all too certain that he’d waste it away, losing sight of his goals within seconds.

He’s always been too driven by madness for his own good.

The viscous truth of it all is that Childe craves acceptance, but doesn’t really like to be loved. Even as you sleep next to him, his arm clutched in your warm, forgiving grip; he doesn’t know how to put such thoughts to the wayside. Selfishly, he wants you. Sometimes, it feels like he needs you. Realistically, though, Childe knows he shouldn’t have you. You’re not much of a fighter, and your only ties to the Fatui are through him, which he holds an insurmountable level of shame and regret for. If not for him, he’s certain your life would be a lot less complicated.

You’ve even said so yourself, albeit only jokingly. Those few little quips hold just enough water for Childe to drown himself in them, though. He wants to push you away as his lungs fill in and oxygen depletes, but you’re so goddamn intoxicating that he can’t bear the thought of parting ways. You snuggle closer to him as if seeking the heat of his body, —as if seeking the protection it offers from any ghoulish figures that could pop up in your otherwise sugar coated dreams.

Childe isn’t sure what he’d do without this, —without the ability to come staggering home to you. Truthfully, you’re more of a home to him now than Snezhnaya has ever been. He yearns for nights like this more than you’ll ever know, more than he’ll ever be able to articulate properly, because Celestia knows he’s never been very good with words.

Not when they’re genuine, anyway.

He can put on a show just fine, put that charismatic mask on and make strangers fall to their knees at his feet. But once they get a glimpse of the monster inside that lusts for violence and bloodshed on every battlefield, they run for the hills. And Childe isn't naive enough to wonder why. He knows, probably better than anyone else ever will, that he is hard to love, and even more difficult to be loved by.

When everything is going steady, he likes to send some ripples through the water just because he can. He pushes buttons he knows he should leave alone, —maybe because he can’t help himself, or maybe because deep down, he wants to push you away. You can’t just up and decide that you want to see him rot his way back into the earth beneath his feet if he flips all the right switches and makes it happen at will. There’s no disappointment to be had there if he’s the one who incites it; like flicking a match and watching your house go up in flames.

If he does it to himself, there’s no reason to be sad about it.

Self-sabotage has always been kind of his thing. Still, here you are with your soft tufts of breath fanning against him, trusting him not to let himself snap to the point of no return and burn everything down around you both (figuratively and literally.) And for the life of him, —Childe doesn’t get it. He really doesn’t. You’ve always wanted a simpler life, one you know he can’t give you. . . But here you are, and he doesn’t have the heart to push you away like he knows deep down that he should.

If he’s being honest with himself, and this is one of the rare times that he is, he knows he should be building his walls high enough to force you out if that’s what it takes. Everytime you lay with him like this, he knows he’s stealing that tranquil life you’ve always wanted away from you, and it eats him up inside. He’s not what’s best for anybody, nonetheless for you.

He knows, he knows, he knows. . . He really should just—

“Hey,” you say softly, and his resolve crumbles away like the walls he tries to build between himself and you. “Can’t sleep?”

Childe looks over at you and pauses for a few moments, admiring the way you love him, even when he doesn’t deserve it. Then he thinks to himself that he’s never truly deserved it, and the cycle begins again. He hums in acknowledgement, and you hold him closer, like you’re trying to mend all his broken pieces back together (even if you don’t know it.) It won’t help him sleep, but it feels nice to be cared for like this. To be loved, to be seen. . . To be stripped bare in the moonlight that spills in from your window is a blessing sent straight from Celestia, and it makes him wonder just what he’s ever done well enough to have ended up here in his lifetime.

“You’re thinking too much,” you say.

He almost laughs, pressing a gentle kiss to the crown of your head.

“Yeah,” he agrees, “I know.”

[notmorbid]

big swiss.

dialogue prompts from big swiss: a novel by jen beagin.

your aura is the size of a barge.

so you do have feelings?

i'm a shit-thinker, not a shit-talker.

where are you from, originally?

do you sing? are you a singer?

i don't use what happened to me as an excuse.

i'm a worker, not a wallower.

trauma doesn't get you a lifelong 'get out of jail free' card.

my siblings are dicks. i'd never die for them.

you seem disconnected from your body.

have you ever seen so many narcissists gathered in one place? be honest.

we hate all the same things.

why would you google such a thing?

people are almost never articulate about their pain.

there's not a lot of shame in this town.

it's not haunted. it's cursed, which is slightly different.

i never expected to feel this way again.

enough about me. did you have an okay childhood?

i've always been drawn to darksiders.

we just met. i don't want to scare you.

did you fit in, or were you a weirdo?

sleeping alone is my greatest unfiltered joy.

sounds like you read my diary.

call me before you do anything stupid, okay? promise.

perhaps you're unaware of it, but your every thought is written on your face.

i'm rarely lonely because i like my own brain.

anger can be cleansing, too.

better the devil you know.

aren't you afraid of getting caught?

you could talk to a hole in the wall.

i can't have more than one friend at a time.

people only live like this if they're on really good drugs.

i wish i saw myself in you.

do people say 'boss' anymore? you know, as a synonym for 'cool'?

a group of vultures is called a 'committee', which is kind of cute.

don't finish my sentences.

i don't respond well to verbal compliments. they seem phony to me.

dog parks are for people, not dogs.

did you just say what i think you said?

first thought, worst thought.

it feels like we already know each other.

i'm a thinker, not a feeler.

do i seem gay to you?

i was born with bags under my eyes.

what's more off-putting than namedropping?

i wouldn't know what to do with money, except piss it away.

are you going to make obscure references all night?

are you always this intense?

i distrust people pleasers.

you can't steal from the library. it's extremely bad luck.

luck is my only religion.

i don't feel like myself. or maybe i feel more like myself.

you've been standing there for twenty minutes.

last night i dreamed there were eight of you, and i didn't know which one was real.

i feel like you're hiding something from me, but i can't figure out what it is.

i think about you when you're not around.

don't tell me you talk to me in your head.

i fantasized about your forearms for weeks.

i might be growing a third eye.

lie next to me for a minute.

you already have what you're looking for. it's already there, inside you.

i'm feeling pretty gay, to be honest.

you look incredible for your age. you know that, right?

i watch porn now, thanks to you.

i am, in fact, a terrible actor. friend. human being.

stories change, depending on the audience. everybody knows that.

can you see what kind of night i've had?

you have the most expressive mouth i've ever seen.

you're not as detached as you think.

have you ever been happy?

i feel like a patch of moving fog, most of the time.

your ability to compartmentalize bewilders me.

you should try living in the world. or, i don't know, reading a newspaper.

i feel like i'm accessing and inhabiting one of my past lives.

i feel radicalized. ready to fight.

it's an omen. one of us is about to die.

you look more alive than you have in years.

are the words 'adult' and 'adultery' related?

i missed you. grievously.

what is that scent you're wearing?

i've been trying to ease my way into telling you about it.

before we met, i felt frozen. now i'm a puddle on the floor.

there's an air of doom about you.

you seem profoundly lonely.

so i make people want to kill themselves?

i tend to attract damaged people. broken toys.

i love being in public with you.

i am a master of the charade.

i never pity the rich.

do you consider me distant and unfeeling?

there's something actually wrong with you.

confess. unburden yourself. take responsibility.

we're not 'dating'. don't be disgusting.

i'm having an allergic reaction to your horrible personality.

i think we might be in love.

i had a very intense dream about ____ the other night.

what's happening to you?

one of the pitfalls of same-sex relationships? you can't break down in peace in public restrooms.

flowering dogwoods are bisexual. like us.

your 'tough girl' routine is pretty transparent, at this point.

it wouldn't be paranoia if i had any control over it.

you don't seem afraid to take emotional risks.

are you trying to get me to leave you?

you'll have to reinvent yourself.

do you know how many bathrooms i've cried in? thirteen.

i don't trust you right now, but i do care about you.

maybe you should try sitting with your discomfort.

i'd rather live like an animal than in some fantasy where people only have control over me if i let them.

you millennials and your utopias, i swear to god. you're so attached to your vision, to your virtue, to your supposedly good intentions. to being on the right side of everything.

why is it so dark in here?

i called and called but you weren't picking up, so i started walking.

you don't have a casual bone in your body. not one.

get under the covers. i'll sit with you until you fall asleep.

i'm always suspicious of people who openly worship their families.

if you can't even say it, maybe it's not something you should be doing.

you must have dirt on everyone in town.

i'm not done with you. i'm not sure i'll ever be.

this is a gossip-free zone.

you don't seem like a horse person.

your world seems like a good place to disappear.

you need to have more compassion for yourself.

i know my heart seems like it's in one piece, but it's not. it's all smashed up.

i was just looking for a way to feel better.

i've survived a thing or two, same as you.

you give up too easily. even in arguments.

is there anyone you actually care about?

i chose you. over and over.

i've never been more myself with anyone. including myself.

we all have an inner shithead. maybe you need to shake hands with yours.

i was too ashamed to tell you, or anyone else.

sometimes it's hard to let go of a secret companion, even if they're shitty company.

[nerdalmighty]

BG3 Tag Game!

I was tagged by @khywren!!! Thank you!!!!!!

I'm going to tag @vanilkaplays @okthisway @maladaptive-menace @riddlerosehearts @starkspi and anyone else who wants to play along!

Favorite romance: It will surprise no one to know that it's Astarion. I find his backstory so incredibly interesting and I love his dumbass personality. At the end of the day, he just wants to do whatever is the most hilarious and I adore that. I especially love how soft he gets when you get together in Act 2. I could go on and on but I'll never be able to fully articulate my love for him.

Favorite class to play: Bard! I love that they're really the jack of all trades and are pretty good at everything, including spells and sword fighting. Persuasion and deception are SO helpful in this game, plus playing music to distract crowds and cause shenanigans in Baldur's Gate is wonderful.

Favorite NPC: I think Raphael. While yeah he absolutely SUCKS, I'm obsessed with his obsession with his own voice. He's a thespian, he's a freak, he's an idiot. I love it. But yes, I did kill his ass.

Favorite song off the soundtrack: Probably the Harpy Song. I listen to it a lot in my spare time, especially when I'm working on a specific fic I'm attempting to write. I'm a big fan of haunting melodies and, unsurprisingly, the concept of hypnotizing music.

Tell us a little about your Tav: I wrote a pretty long post about her here, but my Tav is named Birdie and she's a bard who was born and raised at the Water Queen's House. Previous iterations of her had her as a siren (hence the deep love of the Harpy Song), but I'm still not 100% sure if this version of her is. Basically, she's a mermaid ass goof whose main gang of idiots include Astarion, Gale, and Shadowheart. Chaos often ensues.

Something you wish was in the game: I know this game is huge. I know there's probably stuff people haven't even discovered yet. But god would I love some more camp animations. More interactions between the companions AT camp. Cut scenes where there should probably be cut scenes (The second time Astarion drinks your blood, Wyll celebrating the defeat of Ansur, etc). I really really love this game, but I'd love to hang out with my friends EVEN MORE.

Do you create fanworks? Share something with us: Oh boy I'm TRYING. I've never really written fanfiction before but the stupid vampire has inspired me to do so. I'm in the process of writing two different fics (one multi-chapter, one one-shot on the longer side) and am having a blast but I'm not sure if/when I'll post them. I've noticed my writing style is very similar to the way I write scripts, which is what I went to college for, so they're full of dialogue and quick, dumb banter. It might not be for everyone, but I'm having The Most Fun! Let me know if you'd maybe want to see more? Here's a silly excerpt from the one-shot (she may or may not get smutty later on 👀):

There was no sign of the vampire, save for an open hatch beneath the stone of the tower leading into what you presumed was a cellar of sorts. Off to the side was a discarded set of Thieves’ Tools. Yup, that’ll be him.

Rolling your eyes affectionately, you began to descend into the basement below. 

Before you could even make it to the bottom, however, you heard Astarion’s voice tinged with annoyance. “Don’t bother, darling. I was just coming back up.”

You paused on the ladder and looked down at him. “That bad?”

“Eh, a few coins, some food. Nothing worth risking one’s life over. Foolish gnome.”

“Shame,” you pouted down at him, not an ounce of real sympathy behind the word.

He smirked as he met your eye. “Go,” he said, indicating you should climb back up the ladder. “There was a rather large amount of smoke powder though. That could be fun.”

When you emerged back into the early evening air, you turned to help Astarion out. “Maybe you can blow up a quaint little gnomish village.”

Astarion’s eyes glittered with delight. “Oh, do you think there’s one around here? That would be- Oh. You’re joking.”

You nodded.

“Gods, you’re no fun.” He sighed dramatically and then started back towards the Blighted Village proper. 

You scoffed in mock offense. “I’m a lot of fun!”

Astarion tsked. “If you have to say you’re a lot of fun, odds are, you’re lying to yourself.” He shot a challenging half smile at you from over his shoulder.

“How dare you,” you laughed.

“Such a pity, too,” he went on. “Aren’t bards supposed to be entertaining?”

You made a sound of agony, which had Astarion fully turning back to look at you. You threw a hand to your heart and staggered towards him. “You wound me, Astarion. Look upon me with pity and remember me fondly!” You set an arm on his shoulder and let your body weight go, as if collapsing from a killing blow. 

Astarion was quick to catch you under your arms. He made a show of groaning about how heavy you were now that your body had gone completely limp. After you’d hung loosely from his grip for a few seconds, he finally yielded. “Alright, enough.” 

You resumed control of your body and stood up straight, a smug look on your face. “I’m fun.”

“Dramatic.”

“Theatrical.”

“Annoying.”

“Endearing.”

“Loud.”

“Enthusiastic-”

Just then, a loud howl came from a barn a little ways off. 

You and Astarion eyed each other.

“Was that you?” Astarion asked.

“‘Was that me?!’ I’m not THAT loud.”

“Could have fooled me.”

You rolled your eyes. “Come on.” You started in a light jog towards the barn.

Astarion groaned. “You can’t be serious.” He caught up with you easily. “Haven’t we done enough heroing for today?”

You looked at him thoughtfully. “One more act of heroism probably won’t kill you.”

“It might!”

“Oh, now who’s being dramatic?” You came to a stop at the double doors.

“I-” Astarion floundered, then pursed his lips and crossed his arms.

“That’s what I thought.”

[ratstuckinamarble]

Ok so the new Twyla music video??? Is so good??? I've watched it like seven times already, because it's stop motion! Not only my favourite type of animation, it's my favourite story telling medium.

And they did such a great job! I could just gush about everything, but one thing at a time.

The backgrounds are awesome. It's a really nice mixture between official products and stuff that was made specifically for this (and some digital backdrops). It honestly looks like this would have been super fun to work on. Did you see Twylas bed? That's clearly a playset, which is exiting. Also they just used a Coffin Bean chair for her desk XD

This gramophone is my favourite set piece. It has teeth, and the needle is a hand with long nails. How cool is that? Parts of it look factory made, but not the teeth, unfortunately. I'm not sure about the hand. It's a shame, I wish this would get included in a playset someday. Whoever made that did a great job though.

Look at the trees. The way they're stylised is really appealing, and so is the pink lighting. And you can see the Coffin Bean! So cute.

But more importantly, the school. It looks so good! My best bet is that it's made out of paper, and weirdly, the roof shingles especially stand out to me. I also really like the teeth right underneath them and the wonky towers. Really makes it seem alive, and I'm a sucker for living buildings.

Honorable mentions: Twylas door sign. It's really cute. The font is cool, the wispy smoke in the l fits nicely, and I like how her name was underlined.

But the best part is the animation. It's so smooth, and their movement feels so natural. It also shows how versatile the articulation is for posing. Here are some of my favourite parts:

This walking animation. It's just adorable.

Draculaura putting her hands together here. Looks like she's plotting something.

Twyla playing with her wristband to calm down. It's just a really nice detail. She was also shown to be really sensitive to noise. Careful there girl, you're getting too relatable.

Her shoulder swivel here. Love how they utilised the chest joint, it allows for so much more personality in the movements.

The dancing in this scene specifically. She's twirling to everyone, meeting their hand with hers, and then they do do a short curtsey. Its surprisingly elegant, and I think it fits well with the song. I also quite like how Twyla and Clawdeen blink in unison right when they separate.

Speaking of the song, it's surprisingly nice. I'm happy that they went with a more unique sound, it suits Twyla well. Also, from what we can gather here, I think I'm going to like her g3 version a lot.

I was surprised to see another music video, I was afraid they wouldn't make more. Hopefully, they make all of them stop motion, because it turned out so, so nice. I don't even mind that the video is shorter if it means we get stuff that's this great.

[kafus]

i tend to be really open about my experiences and feelings these days, for one because i’ve been in therapy for years now and i’ve achieved some amount of loss of shame and self-love, for two because for as long as i can remember i’ve been full of Thoughts All The Time and if i don’t get them out somehow i feel overwhelmed, but also three - sooo much of my trauma involved being aggressively silenced or not being taken seriously even by people who should have been protecting me and i just get so much catharsis and healing by saying “this happened to me” or “i feel this way” and being Finally Perceived. and i’m far enough in my recovery that i can handle the potential asshole (i do Think before i post, i don’t post anything that i know would hurt me if a stranger decided to be a shithead about it) much more confidently than i could before. honestly there’s very little drawback

this is my life and it has always been more damaging to be silent or pretend that i’m anything else. i’m an extremely wordy person with a lot to say and a lot of feelings and a lot of experiences, and i have a lot to say and feel about those experiences, and if i shut myself up i feel like i’m being suffocated in a sensory deprivation room. i used to feel terribly guilty about this and occasionally on bad days i still do but i think these days i tend to view my own proclivity for rambling and sentimentality as good parts about me, or at the least neutral parts that are just… well how i am and not a bad thing.

also there’s the bonus effect of other people feeling seen/heard through the things i say who may not be able to articulate those things themselves and that’s awesome. genuinely. because i know that feeling of mental suffocation way too intimately and i wouldn’t wish that shit on anyone

[celltheory]

i know this is a me problem but i cannot get super invested in challengers because i do not care about either of those men at all...josh o'connor used to be so special to me...and now...still cannot articulate why i find men so boring and/or offputting. used to feel like i was ~protesting too much~ iykwim but now...i don't know. the ratio of fandom's investment in men vs. women is so tiring but is def not going to change and there are reasons why that's true that i understand. but i just...ugh.

tennis at its peak to me was serena/caro/angie/maria/vika/venus/etc and all the contrasting and weird dynamics that were SO different from each other. you can add aga in there too. and it was interesting because of the expectations of how they were meant to act vs. how they did. and now i really dislike them both and am disappointed/angry about a lot of their views, but the chrissie/martina rivalry was so INSANE. like that documentary haunts me and the book about them is like...wow. and the men's versions just do not hit the same for me. like roger/rafa is so boring and i think if i had been paying attention during the peak of it, i'd be more interested in it? but it's so...blah. i think maria/serena tensions are insaaane and for so many reasons and i think it's partially understandable, partially a shame that their rivalry and careers get reduced to these very simplistic tropes that i think are deeply unfair to both of them. like people think maria is one thing and she really is not? and flattening her is shit for so many reasons...god. anyway. i don't know what my point is. i know that a WTA movie wouldn't hit the same way as challengers. and i know it's also just not a movie for me. because the whole ot3 never really works. writing the fic for it was like ok. do i care about him being pathetic? and the answer is no!

rafa/novak is actually kind of interesting to me ngl i miss that account....the history was like damn ok! rn i'm def more lenient of caring about ~shit people or i guess being interested. like obviously not the most vile people like zverev is just so horrible to me i cannot. and then there's more opinion based ones like rublev drives me bonkers because the babygirlism of him is disgusting to me and i think...whatever. this isn't my point. this was supposed to be a post about how i wish i could get invested in f1 but i cannot. the pathway of like...nba fandom (a select few, imo most steph/klay which was like...not really for me but now that they're seperated and watched the wnba game sitting apart...well i am interested!) to f1 fandom to the motorsports thing which i do NOT get is so baffling to me.

hockey is like...the one sport i know the most about and have loved for the longest period of time but i just...i am not built to be romantic about sports or like...oh my god these men hugged. wow. what does it MEAN. like i don't get any of it. i've tried reading the articles and the books and i just find it so embarrassing. and boring! and obvious? unless it gets turned into something that i do not really think exists but it sounds smart. i don't know. like team dynamics etc are so interesting to me but i also think they're so segmental. and contextual that i get sooo bored of like...the reading into it. and then i feel bad because people act like you should be murdered if you read into it with women. but i get that because women's sports already has so many existing relationships that it's not as fun to play pretend because it's a lot easier to forget about male athlete's rl partners etc than like...the fact that mpp is marrying laura stacey. like dartmouth's laura stacey. can you believe that? i still cannot tbh. i don't know! i have no point. sometimes i feel like i am hanging onto fandom and i really should not because i feel like such a drag. the new tennis rpf fics has actually been so good because it isn't boring m/m pairings with no tension. SORRY! but like damn...is this growth? idk. i don't even have anything to bring to the table rn...

also back to challengers the only positive emotion i've had about it in a while was comparing that trio to ben affleck/jlo/matt damon. now that is interesting.

it is baffling to me that qinwen/iga has been the pairing that's hit the most out of every wta pairing i've randomly decided to try. aryna/paula does not interest me at all i'm so sorry. the emma/qinwen was v good and i think the edge of it is what i like. too far but not really at all. unless you're like...rpf should be illegal. which i obviously don't feel that way but i def experience a lot of internal shame about it. i miss writing but i think the unfinished twu fic that will never become anything makes me not want to start writing anything that isn't a one shot that taps out by 10k for sure.

[shesmore-shoebill]

hey!! i just wanted to say i really admire your blog! you're always very well-spoken and articulate and you have good takes on topics. i wish i was as comfortable as you are talking about things at length so i could talk in detail on my own blog about the things i'm interested in, but alas, i am not. for now i will read your posts and admire from a distance <3 thank you for your contributions to the community

also kudos to you for putting walls of tags on your reblogged posts. i love to see people's thoughts, especially on posts that are more substantial than the average shitpost because it feels more personal (': pls never stop

🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 wait this is SO sweet, thank you so much! :D I'm really flattered I come off as well spoken and articulate, I feel like I am constantly just Saying Lots Of Words. I'm not sure I can turn off the verbose-ness, tbh, so I'm really glad it's improving your fandom experience in some way haha.

And hey fwiw, tumblr blogs are for you to have fun, so if you want to go ham chatting about things you enjoy, you know, go for it! And if you don't think that would be enjoyable, I mean, you're not under any rule to do so. I'm pretty shameless about doing it largely because I made this sideblog specifically for myself, just to store/post about Smosh stuff so I'd be able to find it more easily in the future. Being very detailed about stuff I'm enjoying is a gift for future me, and everything else needs to be a bonus, or something I can live with 😅 So that takes a lot of the pressure off, if that explains anything haha. IMO, if energy/time permits, recording details about and diving into the details of things you enjoy and why you enjoy them, tends to be a net positive. Both for the world as a whole (Other people who enjoy that thing get to share enjoyment) and for yourself, to really get a better understanding and appreciation of things you enjoy. And this might also increase appreciation of things you dont enjoy, interestingly enough! Win win. But to each their own, and not wanting to do that in public forum makes perfect sense. Do what works for you :)

I will probably NEVER stop doing the walls of text in tags, so im glad you enjoy it 😅 It's one of my favorite features of tumblr, I love being able to share thoughts in a form where the op/other people dont feel obligated to respond. Triply so for things like art and fic where I'll really enjoy something and it seems like a shame to not express that enjoyment with the maker. Tumblr does all kinds of wack things but the 'talking in tags' culture is a net positive in my book.

anyway. thanks! :D this was really nice to receive.

[cellphonehippie]

In defense of MCR - who I think have been uniquely protective of their female fans - the "we kill the girls to get paid" line references the fact that multiple album storylines involve dead women (demolition lovers, the whole 3 cheers plotline, drowning lessons). While this isn't a particularly progressive trope - and is often misogynistic - (afaik) none of the women die as a result of gendered violence or ipv. Contrast that w the multiple Fall Out Boy songs that explicitly wish a former lover dead - simply for the fault of being a former lover. I can't recall anything else that could be considered misogynistic - definitely nothing on the level of FOB's old break up songs or the way Panic has talked about women & hook-ups - but this isn't a blanket defense! I just think this particular line is more of an example of tounge in cheek commentary about their own career rather than misogyny (at least in a comparable sense to slut-shaming and wishing physical violence).

Also - not addressing the degree to which Hayley and Taylor's choices seem to be borne from internal motivation as the result of becoming adult women who have been affected by misogyny and come to regret how their words may be used in service of that vs. dudes who have largely failed to acknowledge any harm done because they've never seen the need to reevaluate their past work. One step further, is depiction endorsement? Representing the cultural values or their emotional state at the time is an important part of art! Even the shitty ones. But how do you preserve the art while mitigating the harm that it can/does cause? I don't think history needs to be revised but addressing the fact that harm was in fact done would be nice lol

Anyway, rarely a conversation fans have with nuance - though you'll be hard pressed to find any fandom conversation considering nuances - but agreed that women are allowed far less room to have depicted (or even felt) misogyny regardless of who they are/have become as evidenced through their actions. Probably bc it's characterized as betrayal rather than the way men get written off as "never do well, never going to learn to do well" - which is also unfair (to both women and men! Accountability and the ability to grow transcends gender!)

Sorry if I keep going I'll never stop

that does make sense! whenever i heard that line it made me ??? but you explained it so well. and you are so right with fall out boy, i love them but you cannot deny the misogyny in their lyrics especially when they have two songs wishing harm against an ex (i assume tell that mick is about an ex but i’m not sure)

i don’t think people allow women to grow and acknowledge their past mistakes like they do for men. esp with misogyny women are held at a higher standard for it, while hayley williams was continually called out for the lyrics in miz biz, brendon urie was yelling out variations of “whore” (for example “super slut”) on stage every night. it just sucks so much.

you’ve made so many good points in this, i really do agree with you and it’s an important conversation to have!!!! i’m sorry i’m not the best to articulate my thoughts in a better response to you, i’m not the best with words (hence why i’m a visual artist and not a writer lol) but please do share if you have anymore thoughts on this, loved reading and learning from your response!!!!

[garymower]

Today has been really hard. I’m losing weight like crazy I weigh like 113 last time I weighed myself.

I met with Adam and cleared the air there. Guilty feeling for not telling Jake and that some day he might find out the truth that we slept together even though at the time I didn’t think it mattered and would add something else to our pile.

I’m glad I am on this new journey but it’s hard as fuck and idk if I’m even doing it right. I don’t know what is right. It keeps coming to me thinking that we need to separate for a while and do our work and come back together or divorce with clarity.

My codependent nature wants to stay and be what I need to be to stay but my desires and wants and issues with our connection, my own healing communication and understanding in our relationship keep me from my own personal healing.

We will keep hurting each other unless i seek out and fully fulfill my own personal healing.

He is who I want because of how much he loves and cares for me. His goodness. Willingness. Resilience.

Struggle: his obsessive nature, stubborn perspective, farther behind than me in terms of exploration and insight, emotional reactivity, lacking friendship and a connected mutual foundation. Acts of service and doing isn’t his nature so I don’t get my needs met.

The moment I start to feel comfortable it feels like it gets blown up but I can’t access my tools and become so emotionally disregulated.

I wish we could start all the way over clean and fresh.

When a voice is raised, tone changes, etc, it invalidates and sends me into fight flight or freeze. I am so deeply affected by irregularity.

Today was hard. And I did it.

I am so grateful for Jake and his new ability to communicate his feelings, how aware and how articulate he is about them. That’s amazing.

Weirdly enough, night time might be more my jam to talk about things because my body knows it’s time to chill so mind kinda slows down and I have more space and clarity and calm. Morning and day is for getting stuff done and am more preoccupied mentally and physically.

I am grateful for Jake even though things are hard. I am grateful that I am changing even though it’s all very overwhelming and harder than I ever imagined but it’s rewarding and it’s beautiful. I am grateful that I am able to go to therapy. I am thankful that I am healthy. I am grateful to be given chance after chance after chance. I am not bad. I am not perfect. I am living.

I don’t want to feel heartbroken. I also don’t want that to stop me from being honest about what’s really here and advocating for myself in the midst of this fucking painful and confusing and overwhelming and seemingly strong but the most fragile thing I’ve ever been a part of in adulthood.

If the connection I am looking for is there then please let me find it. Please help me find it within myself to be transparent, kind in my approach and response, honest and true about my experience and the hard truth must come out.

Idk if we are going to make it but I am grateful as hell to know someone as incredible as Jake. I wish I didn’t have all these resentments about who he isn’t, who he was and even is or has transitioned into.

Share my experience without question or shame if it’s how I actually feel.

Grateful for my life. It’s rull rocky right now but my boat, my life, has one giant hole that keeps getting patched but the water keeps trickling or pouring in depending on the tides, which change constantly. Just like with everything - moderation and re-evaluating how I can better patch these holes. Idk if it’s a one giant hole or many holes I think it’s one giant hole and other small ones containing less density and mass making them easier to deal with and patch up. This one is so dense and deep that it will eventually swallow me whole. I let myself sink for so long and now that I’m taking care of my boat and taking risks and challenging the sea and all its demons, it is sure that mistakes will be made, wrong directions taken, loneliness, victories, confusion, starvation, empowerment, helplessness…….that all exists even now but I am more alive than ever and just have to stay afloat no matter what.

I am grateful for my resiliency and my awareness. I am trying to trust myself.

Tomorrows mantra: trusting myself

[neverdying-d-e-a-d]

ohgod wjat was that.

hey why do i actively try to burn away and forget my past?

why dont i make an appointment with a therapist already?

i mean

i cant now

what if someone hears me?

...

i n s t i

tu t i o n

a l i z e d

what's that mean?

oh rock music, we're really in it now

okay, its not cool to make portraits of sadness and to self victimize

i dont feel like a victim

i feel like i deserve it all

what

do i mean anything that i write?

i really hope that i don't

or do

eugh

so confusing i'm about to cry

at what point does depression start to become going insane?

is it the same?

eugh..

i mean isnt it insane to want to kill someone? suicidal thoughts?

....

whaaatever.

i have enough love for myself and more

i just wanna talk about the war

._.

it's fucked up

feels redundant to say

but i think im allowed to say obvious things

im allowed to say whatever i want, as long as i think im a good person. right?

sometimes i wish i had parents that taught me to really use my brain

get the thoughts straight

okay

your name is [____ __________]

you feel

uhhh awe shit.

you feel

you feel confused

how are you feeling?

im feeling great.

okay.

your name is [_ _]

you feel

something is wrong

in your head

in the world

in the world

or

no, in your head

or

no, nothings wrong, there is no good or bad or

no, yes there is, you know good from bad.

or, no thats not true wisdom

or, no, thats common knowledge

true wisdom is foolish

or

i always end up knowing nothing

or

um

no, yeah.

your name is ()

you know nothing

you feel light and slightly confused and you feel like if you articulate it well enough you can understand it, you feel convinced

you feel shame remembering that guy feel up your thighs

you feel turned on

noooo you dont. dont kid yourself.

you feel turned on at the idea of you feeling turned on.

you feel basically only real attraction towards yourself

and some men

and

dont tell me youre afraid of women now, too? just because it was a girl what made you so weird as a kid?

point is.

that guy. you liked using him. you wanna hurt him. i honestly dont feel bad about that but i feel like i should

okay, i do

hes a person

so cute too.

but what a rotten little boy

god, its always the lonely emo boys

three times now

ive gotta get scarier, scare them off

no, that. eugh. only attracts them

other boys like boobed people who are non threatening

but those boys...

um

when was the last time you gave one of those boys a real chance? haha.

.

.

.

am i the problem?

sure, why not

....

i dont wanna talk to boys. women. i like women. boys

men and women are basically the same to me i just fear violence and well

....

im not crazy for feeling unsafe around men, am i?

....

i really wish i could ask someone who knows about this

like say, a therapist

eughhh.

im dying

writing is making me feel worse i should go to bed

i dont wanna have a bad dream

but

its okay to do things that scare you

but

it feels different to be in the middle of it all but

but

but

but i live in america

because

because

because my grandfather's editing team are dead

guns bought that ticket

and now im a privileged white british scumbag

living with black mold

maybe thats whats making me feel like this honestly

god i just wanna move somewhere clean

somewhere clean

will this poetry will make me sound insane because it's not beautiful

not worth it to care honestly

i still dont feel better

nono, lets try

im feeling better slowly

yes slowly

quicker now im finally feeling good

no.

im gonna take allergy medication and drop out of college and die on the street

im not really afraid

i dont deserve anything more or less

... right?

[daisymylove]

Hi baby sorry for taking so long, I've been ridiculously busy those past couple days and up until now I didn't have the peace of mind to write a note, let alone articulate all may thoughts on this

Wessa This is easily the story I'm looking forward to the most.I didnt pledge (god I wish I had that kind of money for books, but I digress) so If I were to read only one of the stories in better in black, that would be my pick.I love Jem, I'm happy we'll get a lot of Jessa in twp, but Wessa just hits different for me.I have this unhealthy obsession for both will and tessa individually and as a couple.They are my parents, my babies, my beloveds, you get the gist. I think they were a bit mishandled in chot (could expand on that later on a different post) and it's my understanding that this will be post tid and pre kids when they were young, hot (not that they will ever not be hot) and reckless and I'm living for it

Clace I'm not really invested in this couple, but I dont hate them and wouldn't oppose reading about them, I actually dont know that much about them.I read tmi many years ago, forgot virtually everything, and only got the gist of what happened when I took to read tda and the tales of the academy during the pandemic, when I effectively came back to the fandom and started reading again after many years of teenage angst and a massive reading slump.I genuinely don't remember their story in Tmi and to me they are that cool couple that featured in tda and is bffs with Malec and Simon and I fully understand the irony of that considering they were the ones to start it all

Arianna The only story I would actually skip, and God do I feel bad for saying this about the only sapphic couple on this list.Ari is in essence a fascinating character, and I think it's a shame she was mostly sidelined in tlh.Imo, like Grace, she had the makings of a protagonist and would've been a more compelling and complex main character than both James and Cordelia (not that I dont love those two, this is not about likeability).I like the idea of Anna, but not the final product. I think she should've been better developed and properly redeemed for it to work, but I get that the tlh cast was huge and there were more prominent characters to attend to.I feel like CC aimed for Sid from the midnight lie (I LOVE this book and its author btw, but the second and final one is sloppy, especially when you consider the masterpiece that the winners trilogy is.Rutkoski could've served it, she was just not feeling like it) but didn't have the time page to go all the way.All in all, I don't think they should've ended up together and don't root for this couple

Jordelia I'm conflicted on this one.Chog and Choi Jordelia is flawless, addictive, I ate up every crumb of it and asked for more.Chot Jordelia not only lost its delicious, playful dynamic (you could see they were friends first and foremost, it was wonderful) but has a Bridgertonness quality to it that I just couldn't stand.I'll never get over chot James comparing Cordelia to a dish and using the world deflower.To me that's fanfic, I refuse to acknowledge it, the James from the previous books would shoot him for that shit.CC wrote this for no other reason than she wanted to tho, no deadline, no pressure, so there's a great chance of this being Jordelia back to its roots, and on that case, I would be eager for it

Sebastian and the queen I'm probably the only person in this fandom who wants to read that story and I'm not sorry lol.I always thought Ash's existence to be the randomest fucking thing.Oh yeah evil Sebastian fucked the equally evil queen and now we have this little winged dude guy here, his name is Ash.I don't think this will be important to twp bc otherwise it would've been officially published, as other people have said, but for CC to write this spontaneously and afterwards WANT for this story to see the light of day, despite how controversial it would be? I'm a curious creature in essence, and my curiosity has been peaked.I get people being frustrated tho, I myself was annoyed at Sebastian featuring in Tda.I was like, this dude? Again? Rubbish release us, release him, release yourself.But yeah I want to read it nonetheless

Jemma I think they are either getting engaged or taking a break to get back together in twp.Its the only thing that would justify a short-story so soon after the novella, nothing will change my mind.I love them, but a break would actually be good for them individually bc they perceive themselves as a unit (and honestly how could they not?), but in sobh emma was thrilled at the idea of being proposed to and then a bit disappointed when julian did pop the question, so that may have been a hint

Thomastair Its the one I'm looking most forward to after Wessa.It will be sweet, hilarious, romcomish and I'm living for it.If it's a few years after chot, sona died (ops how tragic) and now the three of them are a little family with a dog my life would be complete.No I don't like Sona, Zachary should've been born sooner and she should've died saving alastair in chot, that would be the only that could've redeemed her to me.Her this is fine attitude makes my blood boil even now.She cared more for Elias, a very shitty husband at that, than for her own children, to the detriment of said children.I could yap about this all day

Kierarktina YES, just YES.I love them and we don't get nowhere near enough content.Long live hot fairy threesomes and hail crag

Sizzy I started shadowhunter academy seeing Simon on a bad light.All I could remember from Tmi regarding him was the love triangle (vaguely) and how much he had annoyed me with that bullshit. He was quickly forgiven and I've adored him and shipped sizzy ever since.I feel they also don't get a lot of content on just them, so I welcome it

Luke and Jocelyn I don't really care for this couple, their story gives me anxiety, they are two idiots and I honestly don't know who is worse, but I'm curious nonetheless and would def read it.I would prefer to read about Grace, Matt and each and every one of the tid minor couples before them, but it is what it is

Also I don't think malec not featuring is a big deal, they'll have a book solely focused on them soon enough, calm down bitches (affectionately)

My thoughts on the couples included in Better in Black for those who care

I expect you to write down yours so work work

📍Wessa

You know, as a dedicated Jessa stan I wanna say that it's okay~ Because these two were together for 50 years or sth, there's still some things to add. We might watch them in their 30s, 50s, 60s. I guess at this point both camps have around the same amount of content. Plus I'll have Jessa in twp so I'm in peace 🌱

📍Clace

All my first thoughts are over here. I'm a Clace defender, I'm their oldest stan, I'm a veteran👩‍🦳 So I feel like I have a right to say that...it was kinda unnecessary. We've witnessed every step in their relationship so far, beginning of it in TMI, gentle transition to adulthood in TDA and Tales of Shadowhunter Academy, adulthood in SOBH and proposal. So if the story isn't about their wedding then WHAT THE HELL IS IT ABOUT REALLY? And we know that they won't get married until twp.

📍Anna & Ari (Arianna!)

Hey🥺that is nice, we've seen so little of them in chain of thorns and I've loved them since their debut in 2018 in that short story. I'm very biased when it comes to TLH, cause I'm their mother. So YAY🌱they have a long way to go, Anna still needs to change a tiny little bit for them to be healthy, so I'd love to witness it

📍Jordelia

We all have known about it, because Cassie kinda promised us their story a while ago. Wedding runes scene, honeymoon, kids, mortgage etc. Go kids, slay, serve, eat and so on, I'm excited for u!

📍Sebastian & Seelie Queen

🤨🧐🤔👁👁

Yeah... That famous Sebastian &Fanbase. Like... I'm conflicted, because it's useless and doesn't make any sense even tho it might slay. Listen up, I'll show you.

Lots of people defend it by saying that it might be important for Ash's background in TWP. But... No it's not. Because this is exclusive book made for few people who were lucky and financially stable enough to get it. It won't be posted online. So most people won't read it unless someone leaks it. So there's no point for that story to be important for the plot, therefore it has nothing to do with it.

And it's definitely not "one of the most beloved" couples. BUT LIKE... WHAT IF IT SLAYS? Toxic, unhinged romance, what if I'll love it? 🤡

📍Jemma

So you see the problem? Because it's the same as Clace. What else might she add, because there's nothing. SoBH ended like yesterday. We know exactly where they live rn, their daily routine, their plans. So there's nothing to add between SOBH and twp. What will it be about? Hard to say, but I hope Cassie will come up with sth interesting for them.

📍Thomastair (why did Cassie say Alistair instead of Alastair, I'm lost help me)

Yay🥺slay, serve, eat and leave no crumbs, go, kill it idk you're doing great boys, there's so much to add and explore because they've just started dating. I'm so excited ^-^

📍Kierartkina

That is fine. No matter what I think about their relationship, because in my point of view Cristina and Kieran fell in love because Cassie said so apparently, I still don't mind them being there. Because there's also lots of things to discuss and explore. I hope the story will be soft and warm☀they've just started their advantage so it definitely makes sense

📍Sizzy

Even though we've had lots of them in TMI and Shadowhunters Academy I still think they deserve to be here. They are famous (I guess? 👁👁) and I'd like to know more about their plans for future. Simon was still a teenager in the stories collection and now I'd love to see him as a grown man being in relationship with the woman he loves.

📍Luke & Jocelyn

👁👁🤨🧐🤔👀

Well... That was... Unexpected. I guess... I've just never met their fandom but I hope it's huge af, because I don't know why else would they be here. Sophideon, Gabrily and Charlotte with Henry were supposed to be here, let's be honest. But since they're here, I do think Cassie is able to make a decent story. I expect it to be bittersweet, angsty and somehow heartwarming. I think there's nothing to say except let's wait and find out.

OVERALL I think it's pretty fine. Maximum 7/10 from me. I was ready to face the worst, but it turned out to be... Fine. So it's fine☺🌱

[delusionalwritingsofagay]

I'm Not Her

Edited : 30/09/24 Pairing : Scott McCall x Male reader (Y/N Argent), past Allison Argent x Scott McCall Tags : Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of death, emotional breakdown word count :901

Y/N stood at the threshold of Scott's bedroom, knowing in the depths of his heart that Scott wasn’t with him for the right reasons. It was a painful truth he had to confront: Scott was using him as a pale replacement for his sister, Allison. The aftermath of Allison’s tragic death had left Scott a fractured shell of who he once was. He struggled daily to maintain control during his transformations, his grief manifesting in every uncontrollable howl during the full moon.

In those dark days of mourning, Y/N had extended a hand of comfort to Scott, offering a shoulder to cry on and silence-filled nights where memories of Allison could be shared without judgment. He had thought that, perhaps, in easing Scott's sorrow, he could help them both heal.

As time loomed on, a fragile bond formed between them in the wake of devastation. A year later, they had transitioned into dating, yet an unshakeable feeling nagged at Y/N—a feeling that Scott was searching for Allison in him, as if the essence of his sister lingered in the spaces between every laugh and every shared moment. Y/N had hoped that with time, that unmistakable shadow would fade, but the weight of it became too heavy to carry.

The emotional strain reached a breaking point, igniting an explosive confrontation between them.

"I'm not her, Scott!" Y/N's voice echoed around the room, raw and desperate.

Scott’s brows furrowed in confusion, his hurt evident. “What are you talking about?”

"I’m not my sister!" Y/N repeated, the words sharp like a knife cutting through the tension that hung thick in the air.

"I know you’re not, Y/N," Scott replied in a tone that begged for understanding as he reached out with his hand in an attempt to contact the hurt that clouded the room. But Y/N recoiled, the rejection hanging heavy between them.

“Do you really? Because sometimes... sometimes when you look at me, it feels like you’re looking for her,” Y/N’s voice faltered, revealing the cracks in his facade.

Scott stood frozen, entranced as Y/N began to pace the room, a whirlwind of emotion swirling around them.

“Everyone wants me to be her, but I can’t be!” He turned to face Scott, tears glistening in his eyes, threatening to spill over. “You know, sometimes Dad looks at me like he wishes it was her standing here instead of me.” His voice trembled, and he wiped his tears away with the back of his hand, desperate to regain composure.

“Sometimes I want the same thing,” Y/N whispered, his gaze dropping to the floor as shame washed over him. “Then maybe I wouldn’t be such a huge disappointment to everyone.”

Without hesitating, Scott closed the distance and enveloped Y/N in his arms. This time, Y/N didn’t resist; he melted into the warmth of Scott's embrace, letting the dam of his emotions break. He sobbed, the sound echoing like a haunting melody against the walls of the room. Scott tightened his grip, anchoring Y/N against his chest, whispering sweet reassurances into his hair, “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

Time lost meaning as they stood there, each heartbeat melding into the other, Y/N's cries slowly softening into quiet sniffles and hiccups.

“Y/N?” Scott asked gently, knowing all too well how difficult it was for Y/N to articulate his feelings.

“Let’s sit down,” he suggested, guiding them both to the edge of his bed. Y/N kept his eyes fixed to the ground, the weight of his sorrow clinging to him like a shadow.

“Y/N,” Scott began cautiously, “I loved Allison, and that will never change, but I love you too, and not because you’re her brother.” He gently cupped Y/N’s cheek, lifting his face to meet his gaze. “I love you for who you are—because you are funny, you have the cutest smile, and when you laugh, it’s so infectious that sometimes you forget to breathe and end up making the most adorable snorting noises.”

A wet giggle escaped Y/N, and Scott savored the sound, his heart swelling. “I’d be crazy if I didn’t love you,” he said, a sincerity that lit up the room.

“Do you mean it?” Y/N's voice was small, filled with uncertainty.

Scott nodded, leaning his forehead against Y/N’s, their breaths mingling. “I promise I do.”

“Okay,” Y/N acquiesced, a fragile smile breaking through his tears.

“We do need to tell your dad about what you said,” Scott ventured, pulling slightly away to gauge Y/N’s reaction.

“Do we have to?” Y/N whined, a hint of playful defiance sneaking into his tone.

“Yes, he needs to know,” Scott reasoned, his brow arching gently.

Y/N let out a long, reluctant yawn, trying to shake off the weight of the conversation. “Fine, but first I want a nap,” he declared, already shuffling toward the bed.

Scott watched as Y/N climbed under the covers, the sheets cocooning him like a protective shield. As Y/N turned back to him, his eyes bright with unspoken invitation, he asked, “Are you coming?”

“I’m coming,” Scott replied with a warm smile.

Once settled beside Y/N, Scott couldn’t help but reflect on the quiet tumult that had hidden beneath Y/N’s surface all this time. How he had dedicated himself to supporting everyone else in coping with the heart-wrenching loss of his sister while burying his own grief, shrouded in silence. Watching the rise and fall of Y/N’s chest as he drifted off, Scott silently vowed to do better—to be present and to show him he loved him.

[drabbles-mc]

Im the anon that asked about what you've been waiting for someone to ask you about and im OBSESSED!!! How did you enter my brain and find everything I didn't even know I wanted!???!!!! MAGIC

With that said if you wanna expand on literally anything you talked about there I'd kill for it!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

We all share one brain and it tells us that we want to see these men in mundane situations 😂💖

Okay but I cannot articulate enough how much I wish that we got more T-M footage. We got more in the early seasons of the show, you know, back when the guys could really just be lil dudes running around and occasionally riding motorcycles. But who would we have had to talk to in order to get more scenes of all of them in their lil work shirts, greasy hands throwing wrenches and what-have-you around? T-M was the main front for the club and I think we saw those boys work on cars/bikes maybe like 7 times 😂

I want the shenanigans, the sillyness. I want them fucking around with each other while they're working on cars even though it would be stupid and dangerous for them to do so. Juice is on one of those little scooters they use to get under cars (I googled it and they're called 'creepers'. Iconic. We love that.) trying to do his job and Jax or Tig is walking by and just grabs him by the ankles and pulls him out, laughing like it's the funniest thing in the entire world. Meanwhile Juice now has a welt on his forehead that's going to get worse before it gets better.

Each of them is super protective over their own set of tools. They know when something is out of place in one of their drawers and when that happens it immediately becomes everyone else's problem. God forbid something goes missing because then suddenly every member of the MC is a goddam PI trying to get to the bottom of it. Jax gets super heated when someone takes his stuff but he will be the first person to 'borrow' something from someone and then forget to return it. One day Kozik almost met god because Tig was convinced the man stole his shit, only to find it in Jax's tool chest about five minutes later. (Opie knew about this the entire time but just wanted to see the drama unfold)

The guys who work there as their actual source of gainful employment know to keep their stuff as far away from the MC guys as possible just to avoid the whole mess of it.

The roasting tnat ensues if a customer comes back with a recurring problem or something that one of them missed is unreal. Whoever fucked up will know no peace. For the next two weeks at least whenever said person is working on someone's car, every other person in the vicinity stops by to say, "You sure you got this under control? Need help? First day on the job is always the hardest." Nothing improves someone's quality of work quite like public shaming.

They all stagger their lunch breaks and everyone is always fighting to make sure they go before Tig because that man will steal your lunch from the fridge if it looks good and is left unattended. It's happened to Juice so many times that he now has a running spreadsheet of which foods Tig will and won't steal so he can bring them more often and eat in peace.

I love all these idiots so much. I wish for so much low-level chaos for all of them 😂💖

[asholestone]

Asher furrowed his eyebrows when Fitzroy mentioned that he rarely saw anyone using magic. This surprised him, considering how many magic users lived in town. Then again, most of them seemed to prefer pretending they were ordinary, which was wild to Asher. After all, they lived in a town hidden from outside forces that wouldn’t be so kind to them if they were discovered. He hummed softly, watching his fingers sparkle, ready to release the energy in his hand. Looking back up at Fitzroy with a smile, he said, "Well, whenever you want to be dazzled, I'd be happy to provide the entertainment." He wiggled his fingers, causing the broom in the corner to start sweeping up the shop.

Asher chuckled. "I guess I am a softy, but I think the world could use a little more softness anyway." He leaned back on his hands, his eyes trailing after the broom to make sure it didn't go haywire. "Gandhi once said, 'Be the change you wish to see in the world,' so I guess I took that to heart." He watched Fitzroy as he answered his question about a job, his hand pushing back his hair before returning his gaze to Asher. Fitzroy seemed a bit apprehensive, maybe about the answer or possibly Asher’s reaction. "As long as you use that privilege for good, then being an heir sounds like a good gig. Are you the heir to an oil fortune or imported goods or what?"

A mischievous gleam sparked in Asher’s eyes as Fitzroy asked question after question about his sexuality. Leaning forward, he placed his hands on his knees and smirked at Fitzroy. "Fitzroy Duncombe, are you asking if I fuck?" He let out a laugh. "Just to satisfy your curiosity, yes, I do. But again, it's all about the connection I have with someone. I don't just look at someone and want to have sex with them. I can recognize when someone is attractive, but I don't feel any sexual desire for them." Asher paused, considering how to articulate his thoughts, unashamed of the discussion. It was simply how things were for him. "I know I'm demi because I need that connection." He tilted his head, offering Fitzroy a small smile. "How did you know you liked boys? Or girls? I bet you just did."

He sighed, shrugging casually. "For years, I thought something was wrong with me. My peers would gush about others and wanting to do things with them, but I never felt that. So, like any kid my age, I Googled it. I thought I was something else for a long time, but then I met someone in college, and we were really close." Asher’s expression softened with a wistful smile. "They were the first person I ever wanted to kiss, and when we did, my world changed. I dove deeper into it, trying to figure myself out because that's what humans do, you know? Humans love labels, and I wanted a label." Asher shrugged. "I stumbled upon 'demisexual,' and when I read about it, it just fit. I felt seen, like, wow, this is normal." He looked at Fitzroy, full of confidence and without a hint of shame. "But sexuality is a spectrum, so who knows what I'll label myself in twenty years. There might be even more labels by then. Who knows?"

Asher nodded encouragingly as Fitz explained the song he had been working on. As Fitzroy began to play, Asher watched the way his confidence seemed to grow, taking over him completely as he got lost in the music, almost as if Asher wasn't even there. This was why Asher loved live performances and working with indie bands. He could tell when someone was in it just for the money, and he knew he wanted to work with people who were in it purely for the music.

Asher's gaze focused on Fitzroy's fingers as they moved deftly across the strings on the neck of the guitar. He listened to Fitzroy’s voice and felt the connection he seemed to have with the song. The magic inside Asher buzzed under his skin, a physical reaction to the emotion in the music. Without realizing it, Asher began to levitate, his body floating a few inches off the counter.

The music stopped abruptly, and Asher crashed back down onto the counter with a startled "Ow!" He let out a laugh, jumping down and rubbing his backside. Grinning at Fitzroy, he said, "That’s a neat song. I can feel how deeply connected you are to it." He leaned against the counter this time, a playful glint in his eyes. "Wanna dive into why you feel that way, or should we move on?"

"You'd think so, but it's actually pretty rare I see any of you work magic," he reflected. "Real magic, anyway." Fitzroy had been to plenty of magic shows, which were just humans mimicking whatever they saw and only a shadow of what could truly be achieved. "I haven't seen even the boring, mundane things too often." He shrugged. Why the people of Raven's Peak liked to play as if they were regular, everyday folk without anything special to them, Fitzroy didn't know. Of course he would be impressed-- he'd never be able to do it himself.

"Oh, right," Fitz nodded. So, bit younger than himself. Made sense then, why they hadn't exactly paled around so much one-on-one. Not that he couldn't find common interests with anyone younger, they weren't even that far apart, it was just naturally... sometimes people circled around those they would get paired up with, usually those your own age. "Aw," he smiled some, "so you're a softy." That was endearing, to see that Asher cared about Banks. Brothers or not, not all family cared about each other the way they should. "Ah-- no." Fitzroy combed some hair back from his face and shrugged. "Unless you count 'heir' as a profession, I live a privileged life." He was only saying the obvious. While he wasn't necessarily ashamed of his trust fund baby status, the Brit knew that there were others out there not impressed or happy with folks like him. Because it wasn't anything he earned (or, they'd assume, appreciated), he merely lucked into the family lottery.

Whatever was going on upstairs, he would take Asher's word for it that things were fine. Kai's life was Kai's life, far as Fitz knew, he'd never been the man's keeper.

"Demisexual," the human repeated, a bit confused, as he wasn't very familiar with the term. "But you can love someone?" Fitzroy adjusted his arm, so he might grab his phone and check into the term itself right then and there. "And you can be attracted?" His gaze shifted up briefly as he questioned frankly, "Aroused?" The curiosity got the better of him, despite knowing it probably wasn't appropriate to pry so much. "Of course, you don't have to answer that," he murmured politely, reading through the definition of 'demisexual' on the phone. "So.. basically.. looks and intimacy don't necessarily matter to you? It's about the connection," he assumed. That's how Google made it sound, anyway. "Interesting." Fitzroy pocketed his phone. This was the first time someone had labeled themselves like that to him. "It's remarkable," he mused, "all the ways we can label ourselves." He still offered the other man a faint look of uncertainty. "How do you know you're demiseuxal, if you've never been in love?" Truly, he just wanted to understand the way Asher had come to this. "I think there are people who have no interest in this whatsoever.. if you've never been in love, maybe it's because you don't care for it?"

His parents would be ashamed, that he was over here prying into this poor guy's life. But, Fitzroy figured since Asher offered the information unprompted, then surely he wouldn't mind a few questions on it? He'd stop prying, if the other asked him to.

At least Asher hadn't seemed too broken up over the Celine thing. "You'll probably recognize it, mate-- one all over the radio right now." Normally, he might have done with something a bit older or even 80s, because those were classics he rather enjoyed. But lately, this one Fitzroy had connected with. Certain bits of it, anyway. And he only planned to go over the parts that did. The rest of it was about some girl and well, none of that mattered. Clearing his throat, he focused down at the chords and started up, though his version was a bit slower, "Ooooh oh," just to drop in on the parts of it that resonated for him most, "please.. don't.. take.. I found my mind, I'm feelin' sane, it's been a while but I'm finding my faith.." His accent fell away some with the strength of voice Fitzroy possessed, which he sounded confident in. "If everything's good and it's going great, why do I sit and wait 'til it's gone? Oh I'll tell ya I know I've got enough, I've got peace and I've got love, but I'm up at night thinkin' I just might lose it all.." Here the strums suddenly got louder, as did his voice, the more he got into it. "Please -- stay -- I want you, I need you, oh god, dont -- take -- these beautiful things that I've got," Fitz put in a couple of those ooh'ohs here, the crescendo lessening to a softer sound as he finished the last please -- stay -- I want you, I need you, oh god. A few more chords that eventually died off, his fingers coming to lay across them to cut the down suddenly.

Fitz shrugged, actually feeling his face a bit hot all of a sudden even though he forced himself to meet Asher's eye like that wasn't a thing. There was always some kind of nerves when playing in front of anyone. Adrenaline. "It's a neat song."

[mothergayselle]

I Said... Hold Still // Obey Me // MC x Lucifer

rating: t words: 3.5k summary: takes place during the furry event, MC does the boys’ makeup for the video but takes *special care* with lucifer’s

xxx

“Stop squirming, Levi. You’re going to smear everything and then I’m going to get mad.”

Leviathan blushed, visibly racked with the desire to fidget in the chair. “I can’t help it,” he said, crossing and uncrossing his ankles, which clunked into hers. “You’re so close to my face.”

A scoff audibly sounded off in the background, and the unmistakable tenor of Mammon’s voice filled the dining room. 

“Yeah. A little too close, eh? Back off, Levi!”

Freya sighed. As long as Levi’s face was scrunched with annoyance, it’d be impossible to apply any more makeup to it. She paused, her hand a patient dove hovering in the air, coasting, while Levi replied.

“I’m not doing anything! You back off, stupid scumbag!”

“Hey! Ya gotta stop callin’ me that! Or else!”

“Or else, what? What are you going to do to me?”

The demon-princes were scattered throughout the entirety of the ornate, elaborate dining room, yet the collective sigh uttered by every mouth was a palpable hurricane churning in the air above them. A violent, fiery blush creeped into Levi’s neck, and Freya stilled her hand once more as he ducked his head in embarrassment.

She had to force herself not to sigh herself. “Relax, Levi. I’m not going to attack you.”

“Yes, hun, but that he wishes you would is the point,” said a voice from the opposite corner. A slash of daylight pierced through the window in front of him, illuminating the slender curve of his body. Even in that ridiculous costume. Asmodeus.

“If you know what I mean,” he finished. Freya didn’t have to look to know he was probably winking at them. The sunlight did nothing to illuminate the dripping sin of his voice.

Freya ignored the fresh wave of blood washing over Levi’s face, deepening the red even further. All that was needed was a quick blending of the brow-powder, and he’d be done, though if these idiots kept on rambling she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to get him to hold still.

Even now, he seemed to vibrate in place, although he managed to keep himself in place enough to refrain from fidgeting. Freya worked as fast as possible, working as casually as she could without smudging the lines. If they could keep their mouths shut for once in their goddamn life--

“If what you mean is kissing, then yes. We do get what you mean. Levi, at least attempt to not think about it.”

xxx

read on AO3

xxx

…..

SATAN, you motherFU--

“No one is kissin’ ANYONE, do ya hear me!?”

“Oo-oh, how scandalous!! I want to see someone kiss!”

“Okay, tell me I didn’t wake up from a nap just to hear about Freya kissing someone!”

“Relax, Belphie. No one is kissing.”

“Ya damn straight, no one is kissing. Not ever! If Freya is kissin’ anyone it’s gonna be m--”

“Me! It’d be me! After all, who wouldn’t want to kiss me?”

“Enough.”

As Lucifer silenced the room, Freya shot Satan a glare, who returned the gesture with a grin so warm you’d never know how on purpose that truly was. What an arsonist. Truly. It was practically art.

The dining room was momentarily cast in shadow -- Freya looked beyond a mortified Levi to see a thick wall of cloud oozing across the sky. A frown tugged the corners of her lips down.

“All right, you lot,” said Lucifer. His voice crawled into the spaces around them like congealed molasses. “Clear out. Diavolo wants to start shooting as soon as possible.”

The most awkward of silences left the dining room charged and heavy, and all but Levi and Lucifer started towards the main hall.

Meanwhile, Freya wanted to be conscientious of his personal boundaries -- as he so often said he didn’t like to be touched -- but Freya wasn’t just about to let Levi leave after that. 

“Hey, look up for me one more time before you go.”

She and Lucifer made zero comments about how dark his skin had become in embarrassment -- magenta would be too fitting for comfort. Freya, in her peripherals, saw how Lucifer pretended to preen himself in a corner away from them, adjusting and then readjusting his feline costume so it couldn’t possibly fall any straighter or more crisp on the lines of his body.

Levi complied, absolutely rock-frozen as he titled his eyes to the ceiling. Even the inner workings of his jaw were inert with strain. 

“Did you know,” Freya began, dabbing ice-silver highlighter to his waterline, “That giraffes throw up on a regular basis?”

She was momentarily met with silence as Levi made himself unclench his teeth. “Giraffes?”

“Mhm. An animal in the human realm. Really long neck. Think of a horse with a snake-neck.”

“Whoa. That sounds like a final boss or something. If their neck is so long, how do they not suffocate then?” 

It was working -- his skin was clearing of blush, returning to a lovely cream-shade which she always thought brought out the gold in his eyes so well. Freya, in an effort to dispel some of his shame, didn’t meet his eyes when they gazed at her out of curiosity. She prodded the outside corner of his eye with the same highlighter, tapping the glimmer into place.

“Well… that’s what I wanted to know, so I researched it for awhile. They have a bunch of spaces in their stomach so as they digest food, they puke it up into their mouth and then eat it all over again. Bizarre, right?”

Levi’s subsequent grin made itself onto her face as well, though she was careful to still avoid his direct gaze. And, was that Lucifer’s cheeks lifted in the over corner over there, or was that her own imagination?

“That sounds like Beel,” he said, beaming at her.

“They were my favorite animal for awhile after that, just because I would always laugh when I thought of it. In an environmental class back home we studied this, and as soon as it was brought up, I just couldn’t stop laughing. I got kicked out of class.”

“OMG,” Levi said. “That is hilarious! LOLOL, like, I totally would’ve lost it too.”

“It’s ridiculous. But it does make me smile, even to this day. Maybe it’ll help you too now.”

Levi’s answer was something soft in his eyes, like a window being opened.

Freya snapped the ridiculously expensive highlighter palette closed, absentmindedly making a note to somehow manipulate Asmo into getting her one just like it. 

She tried to refrain from kissing anyone in the academy but that palette… perhaps kissing was not beneath her after all...

“‘Kay. You’re good to go!”

The clogged energy tangibly evaporated as they both righted themselves in the chairs, widening the amount of space between them. Levi didn’t look fully recovered -- his movements were a little too fast, a bit too premature. 

However, as he stood up to join the others, the dread from earlier wasn’t etched onto the crevices of his face, and he smiled before heading out the door.

“Thanks, Freya! Seriously.” He dashed through the entryway, the joyful spring under his feet practically palpable.

The next breath was drawn in through the nose. Freya turned to the impromptu makeup station Asmodeus had set up for her earlier in the morning once more.

“Okay, lurker,” she called out. “Sit your butt down before I decide I don’t want to do this anymore and set fire to the building so Diavolo will send me away.”

The waxed, polished, impeccable hardwood floors clapped his shoes in greeting with every intentional footfall. Even from the side while she retrieved more eyeshadow, she could see the grimace on his mouth. He was staring straight through her.

“Not funny.”

Freya couldn’t help but grin as she swiveled the chair to face him.

“It was funny, but we both know you wouldn’t admit it even if you agreed so let’s get to business, shall we?” Freya held up a pen of liquid eyeliner for him to see.

Lucifer made no further comment, but she could’ve sworn his jaw looked like it wanted to come undone in a smile, just for a second. He nodded, burgundy eyes locked onto her face.

“Scoot closer. This always sucks the most.”

When he complied, their legs were utterly entangled, each thigh resting lightly against the other’s. Freya didn’t stop or make a comment -- she knew the rules of the game with him and wasn’t going to lose because of that.

If anything, the contact excited her. She’d be close enough to catch any reaction he made, scrutinize every inch of his visage for a sign of victory. When one edge of his mouth lazily pulled to the side in the faintest smirk she’d ever seen, an impish gesture, she knew he was on the same wavelength.

Freya leaned in, closing the distance between their faces until the warm billows of his breath collided gently over her cheeks.

“Don’t mind me,” she said, bringing a hand to cup the cheek opposite the eye she was going to start on. “I have to steady myself because I had a lot of coffee this morning and I can feel myself about to have a seizure.”

Lucifer did smile at that, and she mirrored him as her fingers slipped through the hair at the back of his head. Silk. Fresh rain. A bubble of clouds. There didn’t seem to be a description accurate enough to articulate the softness of each strand. Her palm came to rest on his jaw.

The dick part of her wanted to ask what kind of conditioner he used, to purposely destroy the playful tension, if only to mitigate the effect the intimacy had on her. It was certainly a go-to, and she had half a mind to blurt it out when his expression suddenly changed.

“That was kind of you,” Lucifer murmured, and she could practically feel the heat of his red gaze wash through her, “What you did for Levi. Comforting him so as to not embarrass him further.”

An unwanted softness expanded in the pit of her belly and her hand momentarily haltered all movement. She drew back to look at him, and felt her waggish expression melt into something more like his own.

Freya’s gaze tugged down at their legs, spidered out in a flamboyant web of limbs. “I’m all for a good roast, but they should be more mindful with how often they pick on him. He already has super bad self-esteem.”

Lucifer grimaced as pain, sympathetic, cracked across her face. “That he does.”

“Makes me want to punch him,” she mumbled, almost inaudibly. Exhaling, Freya lifted the eyeliner pen to Lucifer once more, tracing a thin cat-eye along the edge of his lashes. 

“If he says that he’s too gross to love one more time, I will use our pact to make him do daily affirmations until he stops. I’m not above that.”

It was a while before Lucifer reacted to that, and a few moments of silence soothed the spaces around them. When he seemed to smile, Freya kept wordless and leaned in further, cleaning up the sharp edge of the wing at his eye. If she leaned in any further, her lips would brush across his cheek. Adrenaline flooded her belly.

“Not the worst way to exploit your authority, I suppose.”

“Hell yeah. Call me the demon-whisperer, improving internal dialogue one Avatar at a time.”

She withdrew her hand just in time -- Lucifer’s cheeks avalanched in the expansion of a smile, twisting his mouth until the ivory-white of his teeth was exposed. Another grin, another victory.

“Sounds like quite the endeavor.”

“Quite right, Watson. Okay, done with that,” Freya said, ignoring his momentary confusion and scooting herself back to the pile of makeup. She exchanged the eyeliner for a pastel palette before picking up a small, fluffy brush.

“All Diavolo wanted was a mutuality between species, and here you are trying to rehabilitate the princes of Hell into developing a more healthy sense of self,” he mused. 

Lucifer’s warm eyes lowered and tracked Freya’s movements as she closed in and began dabbing at his eyelids with a pale lavender color, which accentuated the darkness of his burgundy irises so nicely it was obscene.

Did she look as beautiful to him as he did to her?

“Oh, dear,” he chuckled. “Where did you go?”

It was just then that Freya realized she hadn’t been applying the makeup on him so much as she was staring at it.

“What’s wrong? Did the artistry of your own handiwork distract you?” His full lips twisted into a more mocking version of his earlier grin.

“Or is it simply my natural beauty you find so interesting?”

A low, humming laugh churned in the bottom of his throat as Freya’s nose wrinkled itself at him.

“Actually, I was just thinking that if this film wins first place, the entire Devildom will be witness to you and all of your furry glory.”

All of the mirth fled from Lucifer’s face as she spoke. Dark strands of aura collected around the crown of his head before winking out of existence. 

“It’s an exciting thought, right?”

When his eyelids lowered, Freya leaned back in, blending in a blue pastel with the first. The air around him sizzled with tension that dripped off of his body. “As the film stands, there is almost a statistical impossibility that it will win the competition,” he drawled. So confident. 

“So, basically, it’s a non-issue.”

“You really believe Diavolo -- or Barbatos for that matter -- who are obsessed with this project, couldn’t or wouldn’t pull strings in our favor?” The hand on his jaw exploded with invisible flame as she shifted it for no other reason than she wanted to--

Lucifer froze. Freya pretended to be absorbed in her work and readjusted her fingers -- a mere twitch of the extremity -- slipping several of them in the hollow under his ear while anchoring her thumb so that the pad of the fingertip framed the corner of his mouth.

A triumphant fanfare burst in her head. She got him, caught him off-guard. Enchanted him. The world was correct once more.

“Diavolo is a noble man,” she started, sweeping away the fallout with her knuckles. She caressed the soft skin under his eyes gently, with care. “But men like him -- the ones who proclaim to uphold truth and transparency…”

Lucifer did not move, even as she playfully tapped the tip of his nose with the makeup brush.

“Those are the ones you can’t trust.”

A few short moments passed before Lucifer spoke again.

“I don’t know what demons you’ve been hanging around,” he began, leaning forward an inch. “But some of us are perfect gentlemen.” 

He was playing with her. 

Do not look at his lips, do not look at his lips.

The brush in her hand lowered as Freya also leaned in, matching Lucifer’s bluff, and the crimson glow of his eyes was soon all she could see, rather than the eyes themselves.

“I’ve only met one perfect gentleman in my entire life. He was a golden retriever.”

She saw the curve of his eyes when he smirked.

“You clearly need better friends.”

“How fortunate I was kidnapped and brought here, then.”

“How fortunate, indeed.”

“Hey, are you guys going to kiss?”

The shock of the intrusion jolted both Lucifer and Freya, nearly pressing them together, so… maybe?

Lucifer recovered first, smoothly straightening in his chair like a candle wick burning true.

“What do you want, Asmo?”

Of course it was Asmo.

When Freya settled, returning the makeup brush to the tray, she saw Asmodeus hovering in the dining room’s entrance, the gold of his hair casting ethereal arcs of color across the archway.

His eyes were wide with curiosity. “Well, first, I want to see you kiss, but I also came to tell you Diavolo wants to start filming now.” Asmo’s gaze flickered back and forth between them.

“Tell Diavolo we’re on our way,” Lucifer said, saying nothing of the lewd request. After a tense moment and a hard glare, Asmo drifted off, the whites of his eyes revealed in an impressive arc.

“He realizes he can just kiss people, right?”

She couldn’t help but grin at the blank expression coating over Lucifer’s visage.

“He realizes,” Lucifer said. “It seems as if voyeurism is a big interest of his, however.”

Freya accidentally snorted. “I don’t know what isn’t.”

“Manners, perhaps.”

Someone sighed. Freya wasn’t sure if it was her or Lucifer. Eventually, the two shared a glance and his eyebrows rose in question.

“Is my makeup adequate enough for filming?” The brows remained high on his forehead, now teasing more than anything else.

Freya instinctively raked his features, looking for any asymmetrical flaws or lopsided shadow. There was nothing but a fleeting suspicion that it was only Lucifer’s immaculate complexion which completed the makeup, rather than the other way around. He wore the makeup, rather than the makeup highlighting the beauty already there. How ridiculous.

“One more thing, actually.”

The lazy affect warped into confusion, narrowing his features, and then awe, expanding them back again. Freya had darted in the space between their bodies, one finger somehow already dipped into a cherry-colored lip stain, and she began tapping the pigment onto Lucifer’s bottom lip, ignoring the way his mouth parted with shock.

“To match your eyes.”

He remained silent while he composed himself, drawing back his eyebrows and lips to a close. Freya forced her face to remain stoic -- the relish of eliciting these kinds of reactions was a special sort of drug, but to keep him playing along, she had to forfeit a few her victories to soften the blow to his ego. Demon of Pride and all. She was more than happy to keep up with him. Her giant ego demanded it.

As if he could hear her thoughts, Lucifer probed her gaze with his own, scrutinizing the miniscule movements her every facial feature made, but she gave away nothing. He was content to hold still until she was finished with him, smiling politely, the warmth not touching his eyes.

“And none for yourself?” he chirped.

Freya’s gaze darted to the makeup tray at her side, but a warm hand had gripped her chin and forced her head back to Lucifer. A swarm of butterflies awoke in her diaphragm.

“You dote on all of us so much,” he pronounced slowly, casually, bringing his thumb to his mouth. “But it seems as if you are often left wanting, isn’t that right?”

Heat so hot it was ice overturned her nervous system, bringing it to a halt. “It isn’t that bad. Beel buys me food. Asmo gives me clothes. Luke and Barbatos bake me whatever I want.”

Freya frantically attempted to memorize the feeling of his thumb brushing over her lips. Did he feel this tense when she’d done this, like a worn outlet ready to spark? She waited until he was satisfied to speak.

“I’d say I have it pretty good.”

Lucifer smirked, clearly unconvinced. He reached over her, grabbing a wipe from the table and cleaning his hand. Their faces were momentarily close once again, and the cologne from his neck wafted over her skin. So rich, like sandalwood, but faint at the same time. Noncommittal. It was a perfect scent for him.

When his gaze lowered to her mouth and back up again, she thought her form would explode.

“Hm. I’m not sure all of that’s an equal exchange, though.” He stared at her in bewilderment.

“... What?” Suddenly, she was too conscious of herself. Why did he look at her like that? Was he unsatisfied with the color or something?

She heard the roll of his stool before registering he’d placed his palms on her shoulders. They felt like boulders and feathers and as if they should be there all the time, keeping her from floating away in her wild fantasies of abandoning the human world so she could stay there forever. It was just like giraffes. Ridiculous… right?

“Your hair.”

Eh?

Lucifer’s eyes were sure and steady as they raked over her again and again.

“It should be down for the fight scene. When you faint, it should cover your face, create some symbolism there.”

… Interesting. She didn’t know he thought about details like that. Wasn’t this more of Asmo’s territory? Still, Lucifer had a point. She’d only braided that morning because it was convenient, getting too long and too curly for comfort.

“How dramatic,” she replied, chuckling at his sincerity. “You’re right, though. Obscuring the face makes a much bigger statement to the audience. Creates lots of tension.”

Lucifer’s knees knocked against hers, two entities floating alone in the ocean, and he moved his hands to the hair-ties at the end of her french braids. 

They were dexterous, slipping off the rubber and untangling the curls without tugging on a single one. Goosebumps seeped through her skin, giving her a full-body euphoria. 

If she was being honest, even this simple gesture had her feeling pampered, taken care of. It resembled nothing of the food or retail items she was frequently gifted with, although those were of course, appreciated.

No, this was like... communion. A merging of two. Freya found that she couldn’t muster a smirk or a smart-ass retort as Lucifer slipped his fingers through her hair, arranging it in perfect pieces that cascaded over her jaw. She felt she wanted to sleep instead. Take a nap. Fall asleep to the sensation of him there, soothing her into unconsciousness. 

Ah. Any feeling of victory disappeared in an instant. This was too close to real intimacy to be a game.

Lucifer adjusted the curls one final time before gently extracting himself from her space. There wasn’t any trace of mischief on his face either, or deception, or avarice. 

She caught herself absently grooming herself of invisible lint or stray hair in the moments after. It seems as if their communion was finished, and they were to get on with their mission for the day.

“Well,” Freya said, steadily rising to her feet. She extended a hand in his direction. “Ready to go to war over me?”

Lucifer’s subsequent smile radiated mirth. “Of course.” He curled his fingers around her palm and rose to face her.

“I always defend what is mine. To the death.”

An unexpected giggle erupted from him at the shock rapidly freezing her expression.

“I’m joking, Freya. I’m ready. Let’s do it.”

Lucifer jesting? How novel.

With her hand in his, they began making their way out of the dining room. The sun was out -- its light had finally defeated the storm clouds before it.

“Call me Helen, I guess.”

Their voices ricocheted off the elaborate carvings etched into the doorway.

“... You know the story of Troy, ri--”

“--Yes, Freya, I get the referen--”

“--Okay, cool. That would’ve been weird. I hate explaining jokes.”