#I love the way that this whole fit looked i'm such a machine girl fan i'm sorry

[theowlprism]

Some fanart of my favorite music artist, Machine Girl! They have some awesome stuff, and this was based off of the Global Fandemic set. FUN STUFF!! WAHOO!

[midnight1nk]

So, this week's episode...

[spoilers below cut]

I KNEW IT!!! I knew that one of the two episodes left of the year had to be a holiday one aha!! *LE GASP* does that mean the last one will be sonic 3?

*nods* respect 👏

A Christmas special with TARI, oooh! and noticeably a shorter one too, huh. alright, let's-a GOOOOOOOO

(the following is my live reaction:)

aww, look at Tari being adorable (see that's how you get me, have my favorite characters do cute little hops and my life is yours)

bringing back the side characters LET'S GOOOO

CLENCH omg you're back I hope you can stay for the whole episode

ooooh tari's christmas list just dropped. hmmm let's see...

Saiko = KFC Theme Guitar (honestly slay) Mario = Spaghetti Necklace (whether he's going to wear or eat it, he'll enjoy it regardless) Kaizo = Scythe Polish Luigi = Gardening Kit SMG4 = Body Oder Spray (my man can't catch a break, "he stinks" canon) Belle = Nintendo Switch Case SMG3 = Dog Grooming Kit (for Eggdog awwww) Melony = How to draw Manga book (nice callback to "SMG4 and SMG3 Shop For Cursed Items" episode for Christmas shopping) Whimpu = Glasses Repair Kit Boopkins = Body Pillow Cleaning Kit (...) Bob = Karaoke Machine (that's actually sweet considering he is a rapper and the obvious choice would be a gun or smth, tari's a good friend) Rob = Corn Keychain

the cliche superhero transition *wheeze*

can I just say I love the fit Mario has on

1920's spaghetti?

i did not expect to see Sonic 06 (foreshadowing, eh?) and as a sonic fan, i gotta respect the hustle

now, i know it's supposed to be disgusting and you obviously have to put gross things here to convey that but... there's that eye imagery again.... *flashbacks ensue*

oooh Christmas party! I wanna see that!

aww tari did get clench a glove, maybe she didn't want to spoil the surprise too soon

also let's take a moment for that board in the bg:

"Random Text Here Shameless Advertising Happy Birthday smg4!" then something signed by a "Fan"

gotta love the small details

gonna be using this as a reaction pic for now on

Mario, don't you guys have a basement? pretty sure no one will grab the bag in there

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OMG OMG THERE'S NO WAY THIS IS REAL THEY ACTUALLY USED CANTRO'S OUTFIT DESIGN FOR THIS EPISODE THAT'S AWESOME DUDE (am aware that the Team used the model before in a previous ep but it was only shown for a few seconds, this is BIG)

new merch, eh?

...i'll take your entire stock

Oh Tari, it's okay to say no. Four did ask if you had time

beautiful commercial....wha? Bob, da hell are you doing? oh the usual

charity? understandable, have a good day

PFFT HAHAHAHA that grenade bit somehow got me

oh Four somehow teleported outside, chair and all

*wheeze* the way they just latch on the back of the cop car like that

BOOPKINS? ...yeah I should've seen that coming. and he's on a toddler seat too

question for the people: is UNO a board game? if not, then boopkins, you got it wrong buddy

RIGHT NOW?! boopkins she's got her hands full

GEEZ even I'm getting stressed

gonna be real here: it was actually a good choice to have the plot at a faster pace just so we could feel Tari's stress rapidly building up

oh hey Meggy's matching with Mario (love that for the M&M siblings) but Saiko, girl, please get yourself a coat :( you're gonna freeze

OH GOD Tari, i need you to breathe please! all of this is stressing you out, it's okay to say no

...oh no

i can't look dude, i know Tari's technically fulfilling everyone's wishes but this isn't the way to go :(

C'MON TARI, HOPE YOU CAN MAKE IT IN TIME PLEASE

NO NO NO *flips table* oh poor Tari

OH NO CAN I GIVE HER A HUG PLEASE? *shakes my laptop screen* LET ME INNNNNNN

WTF NO SHE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS

TARI DON'T LISTEN TO THOSE VOICES IN YOUR MIND, YOU ARE A GOOD FRIEND

...three? let me turn the brightness up

yeah that's Four's model but for some reason has Three's voice and line.... huh... (I'll come back to this later)

dude, i literally had to pause and leave the room

fuck you got me tearing up. Team, is that what you wanted from me?

no tari, it wasn't your fault :( you didn't ruin anything

YES TELL HER, SAIKO

STAWP I'M THIS 🤏 CLOSE TO FULL-ON SOBBING WTF

FAMILY IS FOUND 👏👏👏

...wha? Three?

wait, this whole episode was you were retelling what happened to Tari, to Eggdog?

...that actually puts things in a whole new context (I'll talk about it later)

*gets hit by the book*

AY Congrats to Mango for your art being featured in the end credits! 🎉 what an awesome Christmas gift from the Team honestly

.・-: ✧ :--: ✧ :-・.

This was a fantastic Christmas special! This really punched me in the gut (but in a good way). Everything, as always, was amazing. Excellent job, Team!!! Too bad Clench couldn't be in the whole episode.

Oh Tari, my girl :( I felt the emotional rollercoaster along with her and I just wanted to give her a giant hug.

Me 🤝 Tari → people pleasers with a dose of abandonment issues

Tari, I've been there and I promise your friends aren't gonna leave you. What you can offer, what you're able to, that is worth something. It doesn't need to be material, just being a part of their lives is enough. No matter how big, because to them, it could mean a lot more than what you think.

It's what I've been struggling too, that the people who have approached me only wanted what I could offer, but not as a person. And it takes time to heal and open up again to people who are worth opening up to, but you'll get there.

So, to remind you (yes, the one behind the screen): you are enough. We are enough. What you do, means a lot more to other people than what you think. You'd be surprised how much a second of your presence means to people, and they value that. It's why it's okay to say no when you aren't able to, they'll understand if they truly do care for you. I promise, time will come around for you to find the good ones.

That's why I love this show. It isn't just a "silly meme show", it's so much more than that. Yes, it does have its funny moments but it can be emotional, dramatic, exciting. And even relatable. That's the point of stories. Like I said countless times before:

Every story, no matter how outlandish it seems, is grounded in reality.

That's why I'm glad this was one of the last episodes of the year, to bring it all back that it's a story that we all can relate to in some way. That we aren't alone. Grab each other by the hand and take one day at a time.

Oh boy, sorry for that emotional stuff. Just wanted to bring some comfort 💙 With that, I'm gonna bring back what was the most interesting of this episode: SMG3

It wasn't until the very end that we realized this whole episode was Three retelling Tari's story not only to Eggdog but also to Terrance.

(If I remember the layout correctly, right in the same nook above the fireplace is where Terrance's photo is placed)

So, yes, he is reading a bedtime story to both of his sons. (just gonna cry in the corner for a second) He's such a dad 🥺

Anyway, i shall put my theorist goggles on:

Back in the part when Tari was too late to buy the Crew presents and the voices in her head were bashing her for failing, we have SMG3 for some reason come in:

To be clear, that's Four's model (notice the lack of chip of the cap) but Three is the one saying: "And I thought I was evil..." Other than being the narrator, Three wasn't in the story, so the question is why?

The obvious would be that the Team simply made a mistake and forgot that they placed this in. Ok, sure, that's if it was on accident. But what if they did it on purpose?

As Three stated in the episode "Trash Friends", he truly believes he's "the worst version of SMG4"

Think about it: the basic roles for them are Four as the hero and Three as a villain.

If Three was ever in an episode all of a sudden is because he is the negative force of the story. Recall back to the episode "Meme Hunters" when Three was forced to be "the conflict" of the episode.

Now, it may seem harmless but to him, he was afraid to be perceived as nothing more than "SMG4's cheap and worst copy"

And also in "You Used to Be Cool", people have noticed when he does lay back a bit from the usual villain/rival role and bash him saying, "This isn't you."

Hero or villain, you're seen differently by everybody

Then there was the whole "moral of the story" part:

Ofc, it's a whole thing that Three refuses time after time that he's not friends with the Crew

Now with the context that we have, we just got a peek into Three's fears/insecurities. Basically: if he opens up and accepts that he has friends, they might try and take advantage of him. So, what should he do? Close himself off, be an asshole, and deny, deny, deny.

Despite risking literally everything, INCLUDING HIS OWN LIFE, for them, he's doing this to protect himself from emotional harm when he's the most vulnerable.

There's indeed a trope that villains, especially redeemed ones, would have a sense of empathy of some kind. They know what's like to hit rock bottom, it's why they can empathize with the people who least deserve it, like Tari. (Even with Four back in IGBP.) So yes, as much as this is a story about Tari, it also relates to Three.

How can you have what you want when you're the one holding yourself back?

Three: "I also need love, understanding, and tenderness." [IGBP movie, Spanish dub] Three: " I just want the USB in that spaghetti in your stomach so I can use it to gain fame and love that SMG4 has too much of, okay?!" Mario: "...Is that it? Silly SMG3, you could of just told Mario instead of suppressing your inner emotions and your fear of being forever forgotten." [Trash Friends]

I mean, look at the last episode, he was so happy to know he got fanart.

The pressure he has, the role he has to play, what he's perceived as. It all affects him. Sure, he doesn't care that he's not perceived as the standard definition of a villain but he is really as human as he can be, with fears and desires.

Another way to see the "failure" part of the episode is that Three could never see Four in a negative light. Sure, Four has made terrible mistakes but past the YouTube Arc, Three has never seen Four as a villain (again, the role of the hero thing). Four is flawed just as he is, but since he's the one telling Tari's story, he replaces Four with himself in the narrative.

It's not confirmed it's because he cares about Four in this instant but it's obvious he has done it on purpose. All because that's the role he plays, one he absolutely fears, "an evil and worst copy of Four".

(For all we know, he might've altered some other things in the story we haven't even known about.)

AND the fact that he's telling it like a bedtime story to his son(s) as a warning, so they don't go through what he went through when he was younger (his whole parenting of reminding them that they're loved and appreciated for even the smallest things)

So, long story short: me 🤝 Tari 🤝 SMG3 → underlining abandonment issues

I've been noticing that a lot of points from past episodes are starting to resurface again (like IGBP) and I do hope we get to bring back what's going on with Three. Then, we might get Three having the same conclusion that Tari went through: as much as he wants to deny it to protect himself, he'll realize that it's okay to be vulnerable and have friends.

And he'd be surprised how much of what he did was valuable to them. That what he seeks is already right in front of him. After all, he's already part of the Crew :)

He would just have to let himself avert his view and see the truth.

[toweroftickles]

Who are your favorite underrated ticklees? like characters you think should have more tickling art/fics about them?

Oh, now you’ve done it. You’ve unleashed a tangent. 😂 Buckle up, kids; this word-and-picture vomit is gonna take a while. All 30 slots gettin' used up on this one.

UNDERRATED LEES

Let’s start with Avatar. When the second movie came out I went through a bit of a phase…half the characters in it could go here. The whole Sully clan. The Na’vi are perfectly sculpted ‘lee material - their long bellies, the ribs, the feet - and NOBODY TAKES ADVANTAGE OF IT.

(Literally just think of all the tickle torture they get up to)

Moving on to anime, Studio Ghibli is packed with characters who deserve more tickle attention. My favorites have gotta be Ursula from Kiki’s Delivery Service (I really wanna see content with her, Kiki & Tombo together), Lisa from Ponyo, Fio Piccolo from Porco Rosso, and Young Kiriko from The Boy and the Heron.

(I could watch that gif of Ursula wiggling her toes for the rest of my life)

I'm also a fan of this girl Pipirika from Magi: Adventures of Sinbad. Not sure why. I don't even watch the show.

Then there’s Suki from the other Avatar. Less-popular character in a popular fandom. Crowded out by the rest of the Gaang.

Victoria and Mr. Mistoffelees from Cats 2019. SHUT UP I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK 😖

VICTORIA IS SO PRETTY AND SWEET AND PURE AND THE WAY THEY NUZZLE EACH OTHER AND THIS WHOLE MOVIE IS TICKLE-CODED

I'M NOT A FURRY

Vi and Caitlyn from Arcane/League of Legends. That show (and this pairing) is massively popular online, they are insanely hot together, so WHY is no one making tk content except me? HMMM? These bitches are ticklish as hell and they deserve this.

It’s. Not. FAIR. I am so thirsty for CaitVi content in the leadup to Season 2 the inside of my mouth looks like the Atreides family is going to set up a base camp and harvest exotic spice from the back of my uvula.

Art3mis from Ready Player One. Book Twitter has seemingly made it their life’s mission to demonize Ernest Cline and anyone who loves the novel/movie, so fan content is already a little thin on the ground as it is. But she needs to be put in a tickle machine, stat.

Ben & Gwen Tennyson. OG series; none of that reboot horsehockey. They fight and antagonize each other so much I’m genuinely surprised there was never a tickle torture moment in the show.

From the Nintendo side of things, Imma go with two underappreciated gothic sorceress baddies (Veran from Zelda: Oracle of Ages and Medusa from Kid Icarus Uprising). I'm also very fond of the various "hot ninja lady" iterations of Impa, particularly her orange-and-black ensemble from Skyward Sword.

And both Wii Fit Trainers.

Red Savarin from the obscure Tail Concerto DS game Solatorobo: Red the Hunter. Never played it; he just looks insanely ticklish to me. You know, some characters you can just tell.

Still not a furry.

Let's see now, Disney/western animation...Kida, obviously. Robin Hood & Maid Marian, especially the latter. (I love her giggle so much.) Mowgli is more childhood wish-fulfillment on my part: that insane Jungle Book tickle scene messed me up, and each time my prepubescent self rewound the VHS tape, I played a game with my mind. I kept desperately believing/wishing that this time, it would be different: Baloo would get Mowgli back, or their tickle war would resume later. No such luck. It's about him & Baloo specifically.

The 2004 iteration of Batgirl is my favorite one. Plus she's got a great laugh. XD

The Spider-Verse movies continue to be a Tumblr phenomenon, and yet I have not found a SINGLE solitary tickle post about Rio Morales. Can you imagine how adorable she would be as a lee? ❤️ ((Ticklish moms + older women in general warrant more appreciation.))

I also made this here list a while back. This community can tend to neglect characters who are canonically ticklish, perhaps because the question has been answered already.

********************

WHEW. Got all that outta my system. XD If any of you are still alive and still reading this, anybody on this list that you agree deserves more tickling fanart/fics? Any thoughts on underrated lees of your own?

[ilovejosukehigashikata]

May you recommend the people 5 songs you've been enjoying lately? :3

i DO like shoving my music preferences in people's faces!! Thanks for asking!!!

OS by Rinse and Repeat has been a near-daily listen to me since the day it came out (on Josuke's birthday!!). It coincided with me throwing out Josuke and making up Gent, and helped me figure out which of my HC parts of him (the moral OCD and bit of a god complex) to really play up with Gent. Since it's a really good Spamton animation that introduced me to Rinse & Repeat, I wonder why nobody's done animatics with more of their songs.

Grindhouse by Machine Girl is the one I'm really hooked on right now. I got into Machine Girl 2 years ago because it was really cathartic to listen to when I was having my whole thing about Billy Kametz passing away and Josuke getting character assassinated. Now I crave this band like I crave spicy food!!

Also 'catharsis' is the second word in Locals (Girls like us) by underscores. I'm still new to this group, but this song scratches a really specific itch I've had in my head since I was a kid listening to Kesha. I've been on a big 2000s nostalgia kick, looking at stuff like indie sleaze and Frutiger Aero a lot. Class of '09 was very fun to experience blind a few months ago (and honestly Flipside wasn't that bad you guys you just gotta ignore the idiot creator and take it as a silly spin-off)

A very different flavor of 2000s nostalgia is in this band I've only gotten into recently for its very strong Gent flavors, Malice Mizer. Right now the song of theirs on rotation is Ma Chérie ~ Itoshii kimi e ~. It's cheesy and melodramatic and pink but in a fancy princey way, and I'm on the verge of saying it inspires Gent about the same way Prince inspired my idea of Josuke. Getting a clear idea of what kind of story to really put that guy into will FIX ME, I SWEAR!!!!!

This one I saved for last because I wanna pack in a bunch of silly OC explanation. There's four versions of this one song from the '80s that I think are an uncanny little representation of my whole story with the Josuwife OC who remains near and dear to my heart to this day, Beni. I'm gonna put that under a read-more because it gets kind of Long.

To sum it up, she was friends with Josuke for like one semester in middle school and was his Cool Exotic Friend (she grew up in New Orleans before this because her family was CAST OUT BY THE KAKYOIN FAMILY it's a very funny story she was the Kakyoin cousin years before Ryoko was a thing). This was all in like 1995 so the '90s cute Japanese pop rendition of this song fits it perfectly. Give Me Up by BaBe!

Then she moved away to go to a Catholic school FULL of Stand-wielding nuns and met this girl who was gonna be a pro wrestler (Oku's her biggest fan btw) and Beni became her VALET!! And DURING that she began a symbiotic possession thing with a ghost in a pilot helmet and that ghost is this dweeby 80s-loving Disco Dan type whose name is actually Daniel, and THEN i found the original version of Give Me Up was this really fun Italodisco song! So Give Me Up by Michael Fortunati would be something he bonds with Beni about.

So then we fast forward to 2003 or so, after the whole thing where Joseph met Pilot and was like "oh my god that's the guy who tried to kill my and lisa lisa's favorite student why are you a ghost and camping out in my son's girlfriend's brain" and Beni has a whole Mopey Arc about it before manifesting her awesome fun Stand and getting married to Josuke and starting their little spa together. There's a really distinct 2000s J-pop sound I associate with the spa era (which is still going today they're in their happily ever after and I left them like that don't disturb them please), your Capsules, your Seikou Nagaokas, your Megs. Turns out the second-most modern version of Give Me Up is that exact flavor and the SINGER IS NAMED BENI???????????????????????? So that's really cool. Give Me Up by Beni Arashiro!!

And FINALLY this is the song that actually introduced me to this whole Give Me Up Cinematic Universe, the Night Tempo Showa Groove remix of BaBe's Give Me Up. It's a flavor of future funk that I was listening to nonstop in like, 2017-2020 that I'm sick to death of now... but that means it's a little dated now in the way that really suits the Josubeni kid, Jove!! She's not very developed, but I'd say her closest comparison is Lilo from Lilo & Stitch. Give Me Up's Night Tempo Showa Groove remix makes it feel like Beni and Josuke's lives came full-circle in a very cute way and I wish them the best now that I'm working with their Jojo-divorced versions.

[clavis-baby]

Songs that You would listen to After a Breakup with The Brothers

(Lucifer,Mammon,Satan,Asmo)

I’m so sorry I was listening to reckless and it made me feel something (also I’ve never dated anyone sooo shhh)

Also I tried to add at least 3/4 to every brother but I realized they all had a Olivia Rodrigo song so sorry about that also I tried not cross over the same songs 😅

Also Spotify Playlist!!!

————-

Lucifer

enough for you - Olivia Rodrigo

Okay so first Olivia track honestly I know we all cried to her whole album don’t deny it but essentially I felt that with the lyrics I wore makeup when we dated“'Cause I thought you'd like me more If I looked like the other prom queens” and “Tried so hard to be everything that you liked” I feel like Lucifer would expect that his lover to be perfect honestly this song really would work well with both of Satan and Lucifer so deciding between them was pretty hard but the pushing point for me to put this with Lucifer was the lyric “But I don't think anything could ever be enough”

Without me - Halsey

(Ugh I love Halsey so much and her baby soon!!!) Anyway!! For Lucifer I really think that his pride would’ve gotten in the way of all of his relationships he’s ever had but “Feeling so high but too far away to hold me You know I'm the one who put you up there Name in the sky Does it ever get lonely?” Just screams Lucifer and how the chorus keeps on saying “I said I'd catch you if you fall” ahh perfect (could also work for Asmo)

I knew you were trouble - Taylor Swift

Won’t lie but embarrassed that I choose this song but it works for Lucifer sooo whatever but the chorus really is a fairly good start I feel like anyone who has a brain (even tho MC really doesn’t) dating Lucifer wouldn’t be particularly 100% safe but whatever he’s most people’s favorites again I used to love this song but don’t anymore so when I looked up songs about break ups (yes I did that) and Trouble came up I relistened and with these lyrics I had to include it No apologies “He'll never see you cry Pretends he doesn't know That he's the reason why”

Let Me down Slowly - Alec Benjamin

Now if this was a cheating thing and he did cheat this would be like the absolute BEST SONG!! But tbh this is a pretty good song for any breakup I feel like…OH WELL! :) the first lyric FIRST LYRIC “This night is cold in the kingdom” I felt represented his pride idk how to explain but idk T-T I can explain the rest tho >~< “I once was a man with dignity and grace Now I'm slippin' through the cracks of your cold embrace” once again pride but with “Could you find a way to let me down slowly? A little sympathy, I hope you can show me” I really hc that almost with all the boys but especially with Lucifer they just would not care about cheating after they maybe got a rush would leave you instantly once that “rush” is/was gone

Mammon

(I’m a sucker for him im sorry I put all the most emotional songs with him)

Reckless - Madison Beer

This was the song that inspired this whole post!! (Sadly, it made me feel things) But this song really could be used for Belphie and maybe a hint of Asmo but Mammon was the first person I thought about when listening to this song so it’s mammon. Mammon I just feel like behind all the tunsdere act he really promises us so much like obviously the protection but Reckless just show us within the lyrics “I still have the letter you wrote When you told me that I was the only girl You'd ever want in your life” and even this lyric with his whole first man thing and even him asking us to come to him for protection “You might love her now, but you loved me first Said you'd never hurt me, but here we are” it just is so good 😭

Love me or leave me - little mix

So if you even skim through these Mammon songs and know about my posts I love him so much so even though what I said in Lucifers part about them not caring about cheating and stuff I feel like Mammon might care just because of how much he promises things also I read a lot of fanfics with what I just said “And you're turning away like you hate me Do you hate me? Do you hate me? Oh” tbh because of this lyric I did think for a moment to use this song for Satan but Uhhh this is really emotional song and I love my bby “Do you remember when you loved me once What happened? What happened? And you'd hold me here just because” LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME HERE!!!

Be Alright - Dean Lewis

This song I feel like was a bit more for me sooo yeah also remember what I said about how I hc that almost with all the boys that they just would not care about cheating after they maybe got a rush with you they would leave you instantly once that “rush” is/was gone wel I sort of want to believe mammon wouldn’t and his greed gets in the way (who am I kidding I’m just making excuses for my baby) but I’m going to continue on what I just said because Umm well I can do uh “You start to tremble and your voice begins to break You say the cigarettes on the counter weren't your friend's They were my mate's”

(I couldn’t find anymore songs that I felt that would fit him 😭)

Asmo

Ex best friend - Machine gun Kelly

When I was writing this originally there was going to be like 4 parts of all the characters but then once I realized how many songs and I couldn’t think of any for others and how I wanted to add an explanation I gave up on that but originally it was going to also be cheating songs, fall outs, then just aftermaths of breakup songs which to be honest this song really could fit with the after math and cheating songs I feel like Asmo and his SO are more likely a not able to quit each other sort of thing “We're both drunk on the elevator When I kissed you for the first time in New York City, uh” and even near the end of the first season the only little part we sort of get from character development from Asmo when we was drunk explains what he was sort of saying “I swear to God, I never fall in love Then you showed up, and I can't get enough of it I swear to God, I never fall in love I never fall in love, but I can't get enough of it First off, I'm not sorry I won't apologize to nobody You play like I'm invisible Girl, don't act like you ain't saw me” personally I do think that inside Asmo might be insecure and a bit sensitive on the inside but I could be wrong

When the party’s over - Billie Eilish

Wow I have the lyrics up and I just realized this 3 minute song has barley lyrics but the song still fits Asmo so.

traitor - Olivia Rodrio

Even tho that all these songs were on cheating I tend to hc that Asmo isn’t a huge fan of solo partnership because of the title avatar of lust so I feel like in maybe the beginning of a relationship he would promise to you that he would be there for you but would maybe end up not staying true to his words I forgot who but someone else explained why they don’t believe that Asmo wouldn’t be able to go with out having a Polly relationship

——-

I’ve had this in my drafts for so long and wanted to post this but at this point I’ve just can’t add anymore so this is my lazy part

Boys like you - Anna Clendening

Satan

Again I’m lazy rn but I wanted Satans part to show just pure madness and anger but also as time progress just sadness for Satans pure side also anything that had to do with books or a story I added for u know Satan loving books

I’m not mad - Halsey

Moral of the story - Ashe

Blue - Madison Beer

[elegiacmarquise]

More love for the pink damsel

This is a rant, the first and the only, that I wrote a while ago and which I posted previously on DeviantArt and reposted on the Mario Amino, few days after the release of Super Mario Odyssey, after a new wave of hatred towards Princess Peach...

Considering that, nevertheless, the princess' relationship with most fans has always been ambiguous, what may have seemed to be tolerable, now is no longer acceptable speaking from the prospective of Peach's admirer, and hoping to be a spokesman for who, like me, genuinely appreciates her.

--------------------------------------------------

But before starting with the proper rant, why do I post this writing, even if they passed almost two years when I did write it? A YouTube video made by the quite famous personality of RelaxAlax which I Iink below.

Quite shallow, huh?

But this will NOT be an hate speech towards Alax, the rest of his videos are actually enjoyable and sometimes funny, but despite what he says in the video is nothing more and nothing less than what most Peach's haters actually say, I'm fearing that even due to this video, people are convinced to hate the pink princess without even knowing the truth behind her character.

But I must've taken you a lot of time, let's begin this speech, which was inspired by an older one (now deleted) posted by a friend of mine on Deviantart.

Let’s get started from the most recurring insults about the personality

"Peach is weak!!!"

While it’s true that for most of the games the Princess is kidnapped by Bowser or any enemy, it’s also the case that several times she has proved to be not so helpless, and even trying to escape to her kidnapper more than once indicates that Peach is not just staying there to patiently wait her hero; indeed, she was the only one along with Rosalina and Toadette who was been able to defend herself.

Some proofs? Super Princess Peach, Super Paper Mario, Super Mario 3D Land/ World, Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle, Super Smash Bros series...

"So why is she always kidnapped?!"

Nintendo logic. Just joking, I think that the reason is due to the fact that Peach, like anyone else, is an human being, with her fears and anxieties, and so what can she do if suddenly there is a monster bigger at least the triple of her accompanied by an huge army? Not everyone is badass, and she obviously is not always, but is it a good reason to hate her? I don’t think so.

Also remember that even two stronger characters like Mario and Luigi often struggle during the battles with Bowser, how could a delicate princess?

So, in a more general view, how much it’s wrong to blame the victims and not the kidnappers? Why does everyone hate Peach for this and not BOWSER?

And there are Daisy, Pauline and Zelda, who were kidnapped as well, but still worshipped as goddesses...

"Peach is stupid!!1!"

If the Princess was actually that stupid,she wouldn't be on a throne ruling a whole kingdom peacefully nor even to try a time machine or even called to try to find a cure to a plague that affected the Mushroom Kingdom. She may not have an IQ of 300 like Dr Eggman,but that doesn't mean she's stupid.

Characters who are REALLY "stupid" on purpose, like Wario and Waluigi, loved because they are. Now, people, don't tell me you aren't uncoherent.

"Peach has no personality!1!"

So, a sweet and kind personality shouldn’t be a good character trait? Great, so we wasted years and years of characterization in a video game character.

Even a little development is always putted in while creating a characte and, as we are seeing, Miyamoto and Nintendo are generally developing the character of the princess, in the best, demonstrating that even the princess is not a fossilized archetype in Mario's existence for thirty years. She’s so sweet and kind, but also has values, friends and a dignity that defends strenuously.

Guys, Peach is human, so she has flaws, and that's right, but saying that she doesn’t have personality is an insult to both her and Nintendo in general.

Let's compare for a moment Peach and Rei Ayanami from Evangelion, and see who is not supposed to have personality. (although Rei also has a very strong, still not obvious, characterization that develops in the course of the series)

"Peach is a Mary Sue!!!1!"

A Mary Sue would theoretically is a character with too unnatural characteristics for their universe or species, overly powerful and often accompanied by a tragic backstory; in short, it's misleading in their context. By applying this description to Peach, how should she be a Mary Sue?

As explained in the previous paragraphs, the Princess, still mostly human, has a magical power that is always inferior to those of other characters, such as Rosalina; and comparing it with the Star Guardian, shouldn’t be her chararcter be more similar in the description of a Sue? Consistency, this unknown concept...

I see you already with the forks in your hands, but let me clarify one thing, even a character like Rosalina is not a Mary Sue, she still has her flaws, and we love her as she is, but if Peach is one, Rosalina fits the definition WAY more.

Let’s talk about the character design

"Peach always wears pink!!1!"

Come on, guys, hating a character for a color is a such superficial thing that, would do kindergarten children the most.

Pink is a color like all the others, in the spectrum of colors, so anyone can wear it, even males.

(Trivia: up to a few decades ago, pink was more of a masculine color, given to boys since it’s a lighter version of red, a color considered manly)

Peach is looking good with pink and no one in Mario games seems to complain too much about that, and so, so why do we fans do?

"Peach is girly!!!!1!”

And so? A female character to be worthy of this name must be a tomboy or a badass with a gun on her hands? You have great prospects in mind, my dear ones, just like that.

Seriously, why does a character who likes to cure herself, should be banned from today's media?

However, almost all the girls in the Mario games are femminine, even Daisy, despite being described as a tomboy, so it doesn’t seem a good excuse for hating a character.

"Peach is blonde!!!1!"

Guys that stereotype that everyone who is blonde must be stupid it's not only extremely outdated, but there are a lot of people who consider it quite offensive. Open your minds! Go, go! The isn't any relations about the quantity of melaninine on the hair and the actual intelligence.

Even Rosalina and most of the Zeldas encountered in the games are blondes, but nobody seems to care.

"Peach has an annoying voice!!1!"

All the characters in the Mario games have their voices emphasized, guys, and Peach isn’t an exception.

There are characters with even more exaggerated voices, trust me, like Daisy, Toad or Rosalina's new dubbing, but for certain reasons, only Peach should be demonized for that by fans.

"Peach is a prostitute!!1!"

This is one of the most recurring insults that are ever placed against our hated Princess, and that's what I'm wondering where most haters have been losing their credibility.

Did Peach ever wear provocative clothes? NO. (unless you have a fetishism towards biker suits and similar outfits)

Has she ever tried to seduce anyone she saw? NEVER (what you see on Rule34 and other lewd sites is not canon, I'm sorry)

Let's be clear: Peach is just the opposite of the stereotype of the prostitute, as being a sweet, gentle, and that kind of girl who rarely makes sloppy thoughts; And yet Mario is not the kind of game that is suitable to show sensual girls often.

Another point: how do people define as that Peach and not Pauline or Valentina from Super Mario RPG, who are wearing much revealing clothes (and not even worthy to be called with those sick names)? Mystery of the Faith.

PS. Giving a prostitute to someone is not fashionable anymore :3

Now, let’s analyse that kind of insults that relate with Peach’s relationships with other characters

"Peach isn’t grateful to Mario!!!!1!"

Ever since Peach has never been grateful to Mario? WHEN? She kisses him, and fills him with cakes. What should the Princess do more with him? having sex is not a good answer, and it doesn't even marrying him.

Mario is still a sweet and family friendly series, if you want NSFW art, go to rule34 or look good at deviantart, but don’t expect explicit scenes in similar games.

"Peach is a tyrant who abuses Toads!!!1!"

But since that is so, seriously, did I miss some details? And no, The Game Theorists, aren’t worth as a source of inspiration since theirs is only a mere SPECULATION (also badly made imho).

To me Peach has always seemed like the OPPOSITE of a tyrant! She’s a good sovereign who’s caring for her subjects, and most of the Toads are happy with her guide and willing whenever she needs help.

I guess you are thinking of the Toad used from the princess during Super Smash Bros: If we analyse well what our beloved mushroom does during the frames in which we can see him, we can notice that doesn’t acts as a shield for the princess, but is determined more than ever to attack with his spores, so for me this isn’t a point to demonise Peach at all.

Then do you think that in Smash bros Rosalina does something way more serious?! She fights with a Luma, one of her CHILDREN all the time. But since she is our beloved star waifu, Peach is not worth to be compared lmao.

Again this time implore the sacred goddess of the consistency for forgiving their vain words...

"Peach betrays Daisy!!!1!"

Peach and Daisy have proven themselves to be best friends since the first time they appeared together, and even now their idyllic relationship hasn’t stopped being shown in the games and even in that LINE stickers that came out a while ago!

How Peach Should betray Daisy? For Rosalina, for Pauline? I think all the girls in the world of Mario are friendly to each other, so I don’t see any reasons in a betray, since at worst they are in a friendly rivalry.

"Peach is much less sexy than Rosalina / Pauline!!!1!"

If I can understand why Pauline can be considered sensual, how should Rosalina be? She’s wearing just a turquoise dress, which does not reveals much, and which can only be sexualized in the most indecent fanarts drawn by FANS indeed, but we all know the new religion that places the guardian of the Lumas to a brand new god.

However, all of Mario girls have been designed to be beautiful, not sex objects, not even Pauline, and none of them will agree to be your beautiful waifus condescending to all your fantasies, deal with it!

"Peach is not tomboy like Daisy is!!!1!"

And this is what connects to the previous point where the Princess was insulted to be girly. Assuming that even Daisy, in her own way, is girly (if she was totally a tomboy, she wouldn’t certainly wear those long dresses with ease, nor she would have her notorious passion for flowers), it’s not nice to have a bit of variety in the characters personalities? Go on, Peach is a gentle and sweet girl, Daisy is exuberant and sporty, Rosalina, calm and majestic, Wendy spoiled yet powerful, Toadette cheerful and curious, and finally Pauline concrete and passionate. Everyone compensates their gaps with the others, and this balance between the girls is fine, so please do not compare all the girls, Peach first, to Daisy.

"Peach appears too much in the games, so she's overrated!!!1!"

Guys, our princess is one of the protagonists of Mario's videogames, along with the plumber, his brother, Bowser and Toad, so it's natural that she often appears in the games. After all, Peach (after Pauline, who belonged for long time to another series) is the first of the princesses to appear, so it's logical that Nintendo would value that in this way.

And another little thing: the word overrated does NOT mean popular in its own universe, it means overly popular among its FANS.

And Peach has relatively few fans compared to the other main characters.

And, as the final cherry on the cake, let’s talk about Odyssey, who can have reassume prevous points, but what is equally needed, because of the following reasons

"PEACH IS A BITCH WHO HASN’T ACCEPTED MARIO'S PROPOSAL, STUPID AND UNGRATEFUL!!!1! THAT’S OBVIOUS THAT MARIO CHOOSES PAULINE!!!1!"

And here we come to the juice of the speech, and at this point I would like to ask: but have you seen the final cutscene of the game, or are you just knocking on your keyboards to don’t make feel the keys alone and misunderstood?

Let’s assume that after a long, tiring journey along the WHOLE world, with a monster bigger at least the triple of you who is doing everything to organize a NOT-wanted marriage with you; and  immediately soon after being rescued, at the end of an extravagant battle, you have not one, but TWO contenders for your hand, what are you doing? The doll who gives all of herself to her hero just because she saved you? But in which period are we, in the nineteenth century?

Guys, let's talk seriously, would you immediately answer to a such serious question, which can change the rest of your life, on the moon under such conditions? I really don’t think so.

So Peach did, showing her intelligence, and why not, joking over it. It wasn’t the place nor the time for Mario and Bowser to move such proposals, and I honestly think that Peach done right to refuse both of them, I believe, momentarily.

And so centuries of feminist struggles went cancelled because of a video game character...

"PEACH HAS LEFT MARIO AND BOWSER ON THE MOON!!1!"

Yeah, okay, Odyssey's final was what it was, but you can’t hate a character because she's not a puppet in Mario or Bowser's hand. Tell me, you first complained that Peach had no character and now that she has explicated it, in good, you hate her the same? Consistency, this unknown concept...

However, for this detail, have you noticed that Peach eventually called Mario on the Odyssey, even though it had already started to fly? Mario had all the time he needed to get on board with the Princess and her friends. Even if Mario couldn't make it to the Odyssey (which is also unlikely under a cautious analysis of the cutscene), I even highly doubt that not only Bowser but all the other wedding's guests (including PAULINE) were diying there, surely there was at least ONE other vehicle which could bring back them home.

Also think about Peach's dialogues in the post-game: she completely forgave Mario's misbehaving and she's still happy to see him to the point to give him all the moons she gets! So she’s not that ungrateful...

And that's what I needed to say. Guys, please stop hating Peach, she didn’t do anything, and certainly she doesn’t deserve your insults.

In these times, the princess is among the main characters the most hated, even much more than Daisy or Zelda, who have their great slice of fans, who would do anything for them and even considering them "better" in Smash Bros.

I'm sorry to have written this rant but I'm sure this time is really needed...

Fandoms, Mario included, can be beautiful places where you can meet fantastic people but at the same time you can witness this free hate episodes even from famous personalities...

Thank you for reading, and see you soon.

---------------------------------------------------

P.S. Below I show you the main places where the princess is hated for the above reasons.

Gamefaqs, TheTopTens.com, Marioboards, DeviantArt and Youtube

P.P.S. Please, do not go to the video I've mentioned only to insult the youtuber: despite that entry is far from being well-crafted, he made enjoyable content as well. He deserves respect as well and if you really want to discuss in the comment section about the subject, please be polite

P.P.P.S. If you hate Peach and you feel to comment here, please write maturely, well-structured comments. If we can have a mature dialogue, it's best for both of us.

[nedlittle]

i wrote 2.5 pages of notes while watching this godforsaken movie and because there's so much i couldn't get into in the review because i was too busy hating capitalism, please enjoy my unabridged real-time thoughts below

i mean, i'm not a fan of camilla cabello's mumble-singing but i trust that she'll at least have half a modicum of presence. the off-brand shawn mendes they got for the prince i cannot say the same of

idina menzel....billy porter...you both have tonys

oh god the mice. THE MICE

everything about idina & the stepsisters (aesthetically) is ripped directly from the 2015 cinderella which did it far better

oh my god every woman in this film is a #girlboss however this princess....okay dyke i see you!

ella has a SINGER SEWING MACHINE

very weird that she makes dresses specifically for capital and not, y'know, because she's wearing rags

on the subject of rags i do like her boots but the fact that i've seen her knees multiple times is very weird. you don't need to pick up your dress to run when it's already mid-calf

the economic freedom angle could be interesting if not for the whole amazon thing

somebody to love is a stupid and hackneyed song choice jesus god

he simply cannot sing or act his way out of a paper bag. homeboy performs like he's at workplace karaoke*

he should be allowed to wear eyeliner with his pirate disguise. fruity.

basement? girl you have so many skylights

the harmonies in material girl are...not horrible

"Us ladies give birth, we run households, surely we can run a business!" [fart noise]

"I want to believe she'd [dead mom] rather me have my dreams than her broach"

lin-manuel miranda needs to be tried at the hague for enabling these absolutely ATROCIOUS town criers

the whoosh sound effects when the camera moves. KILL ME

how did camila become a pop star when she sings like she's about to strain her voice at any moment

at least james corden has only had 3 or 4 lines

what bad things happened in your life idina!!!

i'm not convinced real musicians are credited with this score. it's all garage band sounds

"do you want to go to the ball and meet a bunch of rich people who will change your life?" "yes i was just crying and singing about it two minutes ago"

reader, i chuckled at that, unfortunately

aside from the awful sequined pants, this costume actually looks really nice on billy porter. the colour and the collar + necklace look great

she literally wears a PANTSUIT gonna kms

this dress is so bad!! it doesn't fit at all at the bust the colour is blah and the excess bunchy tulle looks unfinished

also damn billy you couldn't put her hair up?

oh fuck james corden is a human being

90% of these dresses have the exact same silhouette and it's BORING

salt n peppa didn't deserve to hear whatta man massacred like this

what is happening to make this poor cello sound like That

SHE JUST SHREDDED ON HER CELLO LIKE AN ELECTRIC GUITAR THEN SMASHED IT!! a symphonic crime!! my fave instrument doesn't deserve this :(((

why is there an incest joke in this film

it's actually sweet that girlboss princess diana* wears ella's dress

broke, apparently: ten minutes ago

woke, apparently: perfect by ed sheeran

this is barely dancing. it's a ""waltz"" choreographed for people who can't waltz. the camera is spinning so much i feel sick to distract from the lack of choreo

WHAT IS THE POINT OF THE MICE

what is the purpose of the songs other than to sell an album and be flashy. none of them carry any emotional weight or convey plot. did you fools learn nothing when rodgers and hammerstein changed the course of musicals with oklahoma!?

ed sheeran reprise

wow hollywood really looks at james corden and thinks 'what cgi monstrosity can we turn this man into'*

damn every man in this kingdom is chugging that misogyny juice

twink prince has the gay earring (on the wrong ear) and is always on the verge of tears

ella a) denies twink prince in favour of being a businesswoman b) throws a shoe at a footman because it's not comfortable. girlboss.

stop trying to redeem the evil stepmother oh my god. she's hardly evil at all! she's just nitpicky

pretty sure idina has only blinked about 5 times in this entire film which is a hysterical character choice to me personally

that carry it song* was actually kind of a standard but my standards are on the ground rn

why is everyone like oh...a political marriage? god forbid! you're royalty for fuck's sake!!!!!!!

aw man every single one of these costumes makes poor maddie baillo look like a hippo. haha fat people am i right?

god forbid this movie has 2 seconds of genuine emotion without undercutting it with a contrived unfunny joke! sorry no real feelings only reaction gifs!

fra fee really delivered that 'the ol' mud nap' line and i thought it was gonna end with him confessing his love for useless friend #2

they're reprising the know my name song* for the second time

she's not trapped in any way, shape, or form. will she have the 'bitch please' slipper moment? where's the moment?

i can't look directly at this pierce brosnan scene however minnie driver milf

ella & twink prince have a few nice, fun moments but only when they're just being buddies and not failing to convince me they're in love

girlboss princess diana shiv roy power bob

for such a traditional kingdom they really overturned sallic law in a second

ella enchanted could eat this "movie" for breakfast

dancing girl in puffy pants + a vest..call me

you cannot be a girl without also being a girlboss

considering james corden produced this i'm surprised by how little he was actually present thank god

why did i GENUINELY think fra fee & useless friend #2 were gonna have an Exclusively Gay Moment up until the credits. my brain is tapioca pudding

there....was a score???

*turns out that the prince is played by nicholas galitzine who a) was in handsome devil which is where i know him from b) is descended from an hereditary line of ACTUAL RUSSIAN PRINCES???

*her name is actually princess gwen but they call her the people's princess at one point so she's girlboss princess diana in my notes

*the aforementioned cgi monstrosity was james corden's human-sized head on a mouse-sized body. worse than cats

*the song is actually called 'dream girl' and is less of a banger upon rewatching the scene but idina sings the hell out of it

*the song is actually called 'million to one'

“The latest adaptation of Cinderella, starring pop vocalist Camila Cabello, was, allegedly, written and directed by a real person named Kay Cannon (Blockers, Pitch Perfect), but may actually be the first film entirely generated by an AI fed nothing but Top 40 hits and neoliberal “I’m With Her” slogans. Cannon fumbles the long-adapted story–her version taking very, very loose cues from Charles’ Perrault’s Cendrillon–and hollows it out until there’s nothing left but limp showmanship, badly-rendered CGI mice, and an utterly heartless script. Of the many sins this film commits, the most egregious is that Cannon forgets what story she’s telling in her constant attempts to grant Cinderella agency.”

[usashirtstoday]

I Told Myself That I Should Stop Drinking But I'm Not About To Listen Skeleton T Shirt

3 Wall Street St where all records will in a I Told Myself That I Should Stop Drinking But I'm Not About To Listen Skeleton T Shirt logical that the will a great really die for lack being Wall Street well seems to be known as golf when you look for consider the price consuming concerning Mike Brown and Matthews Courtney very much Michigan has reached a preliminary agreement to dollars to victims of different water crisis is to be approved by the generous support from years gone for over a tinted water it anywhere that money might illegal hell like you know me rich and I like it ANA to say Craig Davis is a lifelong Flint resident who had to leave to the devastation brought on by the city’s tinted water crisis is almost into the with the water because of who already drink it comfortably like you know so you. Why did you expect him to take a break job so the elite eight minutes in the war I think the time is right now that the start raping girls blind you want to know the ring the bells but am in general warned about the current tracking to the North menand that’s important because they were driving home the point that war is ugly bad things happenand throughout the whole series they been driving home the point of it is badand that is good it is that these things are grayer than you thinkand all these great characters as opposed to blackand white were was one of the beautiful parts about game of thrones but then just got done really clumsily in a clumsy way got arrested in China fitted into six episodes in a thoroughly happyand pleased with still low because I couldn’t make a better showedand that was with a bit is beautiful so I however they do not stand I don’t want I don’t want to goand said no Erin Foster mean it’s better than what you think you could ask his heart gauge art in general is like could I have or even could I like the present with they gave to still enjoy area will on to in lifeand I will if I could’ve done better for the parallel I will say this very you mean a game of thrones that Israel is on a better job with the force awakens the you could’ve done better was when I was that moment Kyle Star Wars is best all I have is installed on your eye is devoid that should start start trigger me yes as my shit out you always get my busiest to Cripsand bloods the girl I like the idea this was a people love to heat things I love things that I’m not quick to throw stuff at game of thrones all the time but after watching unlike man that was an hourand 20 minutes maybeand it was like 50 minutes of just dragons flying around doing special effects as it allowed the college or at least the novel the episode before the war that we I why I didn’t like the Masters is way better than that was a great episode to one loved loved it right there were all they’ll knew they were going to die either singing around pottery sangand he can singand keep in that bullet in the chamber for eight years nowand I’m amazed use caulk considering knows how to cook who got you think killing machine so acerbic episode two was amazing within episode three happenedand it made to worse because all of them sort of dealing with how they face their death didn’t die you got it I like that outside this ideological game ball either all I didn’t like itand let me to we went on for so long for to seeing anything I’m sure what happened in the moment we’re all like it’s happening finally good anything all they put on the screen I’m enjoying that’s I was but then I thought back on what a minute the best fight in this show but there’s ever been I think was when Oberand Martz out the red viper door thought the mount no question you are out in the open fight choreography like professional like best bet is good as any movie he killed that he is a bright daylight we can see everything there actually fighting you got two very different desperate fighting style completely different note that the quick agile guy with the spearand the gigantic powerful one regard with this longsword as big as a man it was great to watchand the ending of course was just heart to heart out of your chestand also the whole trip liquidated all was what was in that stairwell all darkand dustyand they kept cutting away from it so we could see are you getting tossed about by rubble find out when the web story okay different lookand see show me them fighting some of them fighting on the staircaseand show we started credible yes I was I was in my area are our house as well as a zygote it was like eight season buildable the mountainand the hound about to go at itand it was a little at the chromatic outline enjoy the way took him out the height of the fire is my personal could the bowl I knew what was happening I saw them head into the it like they headed up the stairs as the rubble he tells aria to turn back IQ of the video because I know it’s going downand I play this I played itand I love the end was everything I hoped it would be now this video plays for like four or secondsand then there’s silence I forgot about itand I hear through the visitors I heard another airhorn I might only put it in there all okay little fan service whateverand then againand again you thought likely airhorn in the gameand I don’t understand why still playing will visit autoplay of another air you before it was at the data to do their just a little airhornand Sony are autoplay until like 10 hours of airhorn’s waiting warned like blast was a parent or horn blast on what what why they are blessed you something else up so that I can get over little bit if I tryand rationalize myself have been reading explanations of help little bit but it’s like the nurses just suddenly deciding to burn the city doesn’t make senseand I know people will be like she’s going to mention in your take people along I’m just going mad thoughand it’s like will no figured like people are confusing like madness going crazy matter blood Metro fire with the rationality she’s been irrational the entire series but every time she’s gone bloodand gore she spared innocence it’s been old is the greater good to to get people out of trouble on crucifying these people because their slaveowners in theand are eviland whatnotand so for her to have already won the battle for it to be over she could fly straight to the red keepand burn Circeand all them she wantsand she decides to lay waste to everyone it just like maybe in the rationality hurt is like all she was so afraid of John stealing her receipts that she decided I have to establish fear among everyone so they don’t betray meand I was just like just doesn’t feel like Danny she stressed so many times I cannot my father’s daughter in that way on that you know I’m not like that I’m not out to just burnand kill everything so you just it didn’t make that much sense to me I thought that twoand then I read this twitter thread right is my guyand he sees the particular thread will kind of a seat my thoughts on the very start targetingand she’s always been one of the most loved characters this season is right are to flesh out these character are with that being said Danny has shown multiple occasions the capacityand willingness to burn down cities of threadand he just went downand he named Freddie do I do have them in front of me after open thread at the glad as I was there I was going to get on the same road as him but I don’t have your eyes oh okay Danny had into the micro told you he has clips from actual show is is or can we have the audio on your was pretty good might mimic allowable you to get us not to be placed on the counter living like this or any of this was the seven very early on hard to the burning down whateverand whoever to take dire no exit by the super knocking Glenn is having succeed to you coming in is is as well when the 13th of course of course turn Danny away she told them when I drag on the Woodburn city to the ground turn this way will burn you for’s told me me will delay the time of the time goes crazy would you put them when you say all of our cities to the ground will mean you going to vacate the innocent people you burnishand also Lacie has shown that throughout the entire overburden are not taught back by Thierryand or Sarah’sand sell me your way to Georgia. 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[pharaohkiller]

Eurovision 2017 - i know i'm late to the party

Israel: They took the “Breaking me to pieces” line literally when preparing a background, love it. He’s so charming and radiates an energy that suits the stage. But, not a fan of the song, as there are a lot of songs that go along the beat of the song. Sorry hon, 4/12

Poland: She reminds me of Ellie Goulding, and the piano in the background sounds very similar to Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack and another film that I cannot remember at the moment. She has a pleasant voice which she hit amazing high notes. Still can’t get over the fact that it sounds like it was ripped off of many movie soundtracks. Sorry love, 5/10 (one extra point for having dogs in the trailer-y thingy, dogs are always an extra point.)

Belarus: They. Are. So. Cute. The guitar that is covered with lace has me dead, I have war flashbacks to my grandmother’s house where every surface has these stuff. These two have amazing energy that reflects on the audience and now I just want to kick some ass with my significant other with this song in the background for some reason? Like it’s not a song for kicking ass and I don’t have a significant other but that is so not the point lol. This song is just pure, I love it and you can bet your ass I so am downloading it. (The kiss at the end thoughh, I ship it.) 7/12

Austria: He is soo charming and those sneakers are dope af, is he roleplaying as Hermes ‘cause I can see myself casting him in my PJO fanfics if I ever get around writing one lol. Oh and, the kid from the Dreamworks logo is all grown up now, feel old yet? The clouds in the back are so aesthetically pleasing. The song itself is a whole another thing. The “I’ll swim like a champion” line seems off, as if they couldn’t find a better fitting synonym or word in its place, overall the song is repeating itself a lot. His cute face that is smiling throughout the song is definitely a plus, and he does have a pleasant voice, but a girl’s gotta get her Judge Judy on. My verdict on the song, therefore, iiiis *drum roll* 4/12

Armenia: I love it. For some reason, I truly am enjoying this performance. The only thing that is bothering me is the constant camera cuts like dudes why?? The lyrics are kinda meh but the dancers were good too. But, will I download it? Nope, sorry queen. 5.5/12

The Netherlands: The harmonizing, the outfits are all fan-freaking-tastic. Literal queens. The song though, is not my piece of cake and the lyrics are not eritten by a genius as it seems like the writer(s) was given the prompt ‘cry no more, turn the page and start again’ and literally revolves around the line, and I quote “Never cry no more”. Sorry babes, 2.5/12

Moldova: I’m a sucker for saxophones. They have a plus one, it’s for the saxophone. Did I mention I love saxophones? Especially in Eurovision songs (tbt the Epic Sax Guy). I love everything about this performance, the background, the dancing, the flower microphones, the sax solo, the dress transformation, the violin - this is my jam for the rest of my life. Play it at my funeral and I’ll rise from the dead to do the leg thing. I don’t even care about the repetition of lyrics or anything. The hype is real y'all, the hype is real. 9/12

Hungary: Let me address the hair and the outfit and then I’ll go on. HE HAS A MAN BUN. HIS OUTFIT LOOKS LIKE IT WAS OUT OF WELCOME TO THE BLACK PARADE ALBUM AND MV, he is a small bean and needs to be protected. I don’t understand the lyrics but that minor detail doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy this masterpiece. This 👏is👏a👏master👏piece👏 . The violin, the dancer, the RAP PART (that is 100% better than anything Jake Paul ‘rapped’), the instrument that I don’t recognise, the choreography, his voice.. literally everything. 11/12

Italy: Before the performance, the fucking opening credits. It’s a fucking masterpiece. Has anyone talked about it yet? If y'all didn’t I’m judging you. And that suit, the rainbow side thingy. The rainBOW like, damn I love it. FUCKING HARAMBE. AND THE WIGGLES, FOR FUCK’S SAKE, the whole song is a meme. Again, language is a problem pour moi, however, I really like it. We really should talk about the fucking Harambe and Wiggles thing. I just can’t. The “Omm” ending thiough, thanks a lot dude. Much meme, such voice. 8/12

Denmark: Okay first of all, the queenest queen of them all in this year’s Eurovision. The dress, the voice, her vocal range, those high notes, the song, that adorable face. I can’t really relate to the song in a romantic way but hell yeah I’m going to play around with the meaning so that I can relate and give the queen her rating. I have it on my phone as I’m typing this. I love this, I love her. 11/12 - biased (kind of) - / unbiased; 9.5/12

Portugal: Let me address this, he looks really uncomfortable and anxious to be in such a position where he is the centre of attention. I saw a lot of hate directed towards him with people saying that he looks like a rat, has no stage appeal and that kind of stuff. From where I’m looking, he looks like the kind of introvert who prefers to stay within their comfort zone but are passionate about arts that require a lot of human interaction as well as clashing with their own personal limits. Here, it’s singing. You can physically see on his face how relaxed he becomes as the first notes to the song his sister wrote are released into the crowded stadium, he gets relaxed as the time goes on. Compared to his state before getting up to the stage where he was stiff and looked like he wanted to crawl up to a corner and hide, he looks so in peace as he releases his soothing voice into the dark night. I kinda refuse to look at the translation of the words as I fear the magic will dissappear but that is on me. It sounds like it belongs to a rom-com with Ryan Gosling as the lead male or a Disney movie, and, as I said the same for Denmark, I have the song on my phone and it is such a delight to listen to. I am unable to describe how this song affects me, my words come out in lame sentences, not magnificent enough to match the magnificence of the song. And, apart from saxaphones, I’m a sucker for greenery in general so the background pleases my eyes. Moreover, those assholes on Youtube complaining on how he shouldn’t have won the competition and it’s all for political reasons, shut your whiny asses that listen to lyrically poor songs in the trend list on Spotify, and drop your popular wannabe persona and just listen to this masterpiece. A genuine 12/12 from the deepest corners of my heart.

Azerbaijan: That fucking horse thing, fuck that mask. (My Starkid fangirl can’t help this so bear with me) “Oh I feel ready, at my skeletons. Have my lungs, my millions” has me imagining Umbridge singing this song in the Forbidden Forest before the, how do I phrase this, ‘thing’ with Firenze and the overall centaurs, and boy do I want to close the tab and question my imagination right now. Anyways, those ‘bad boy’s are going to be the end of me, all I can think of is the stupid Wattpad stories. Overall the song has an interesting vibe to it, to say the least. However, not my jam for this summer gals, pals and non-binary friends. 5/10

Croatia: My man, my friend. He is a cute cinnamon roll that needs to be protected. The going up the stairs bit in the opening credits is me. This whole performance is a huge meme itself, what is it with Eurovision and memes this year, I feel like the only missing thing from this whole event is ‘cash me ousside’ and Pepe the Frog. Bet someone cracked open a cold one with the boys in the back lol. Anyways back to this precious human being, his voice has me shook. His vocal range is amazing, reminds me of Brendon Urie somewhy. The way he says miracle makes me think of a certain Ryan Higa video and I just need a moment. Also, “There are only two ways to live your life” makes me think of Britney Spears, I think I’m the living meme machine at this point. Imagine you otp performing this, I’m wheezing. The background is ground breaking. I really cannot function properly at this point, it’s 3:18 a.m. and watching this masterpiece. Can we talk about that iconic ‘Yes!’? 8/12

Australia: First of all, the jokes were made last year but I have to do it again, why the fuck is Australia performing in Eurovision? Next up we will have BTS performing for Southern Korea and Baby Metal from wherever they’re from. In the end I feel like this whole event will turn into a party where America is the only one invited. He looks like the model everyone obsesses over in Pinterest. Can we have a minute to obsess over his voice please? It’s like honey, or fine wine. The background is meme worthy, but good lol. 7/12 and would definitely listen to it again sometime.

Greece: She reminds me of Alexandra Daddario mixed with a Greek Goddess. She’s probably the only person that can pull that dress off. The song feels like David Guetta, Calvin Harris or Martin Garrix had a chance to play with it before it was distributed to public. 6/10

Spain: A group made up of boys that are nice to look at, who wouldn’t give them 12/12 right? That evil heartless witch is me. The fact that the boys are cute does not erase the huge high note failure. I cannot get over it, I can’t look past it. Everytime I look at the boy, I can’t help myself and I get into hysterical laughter. It’s a precious moment, and I will laugh at it ‘till the day I die. Sorry boys, 3/12 for the overall song, infinity out of 12 for that failure.

Norway: What the fuck is that mask. What is the thing with weird shit and Eurovision. And please someone explain me what the fuck are those effects and jump cuts. His voice is lovely, and I like the song. Will probably download the song whenever I remember lol. That microphone stand gives me lifee along with the purple aesthetic. 7/12

United Kingdom: Can we take a moment to appreciate her. She is so pure with her voice and her looks. I also must point out that one of the three lyricists (is that a word? i dont know) is *the* Emmelie de Forest. Another fucking queen of Eurovision for those who are unaware. By the way, “I will never give up on you.” is such a line, my gal, let me introduce you to Brexit, oh and, “Together we’ll dance through this storm.” I bet that storm is Theresa May lol. Nice song, nice facial expressions, nice background effects - simple but effective. 8/12

Cyprus: [minus the trnc but whatevs] The song starts and all I can think of is Rag'n'Bone Man’s Human mixed with a pinch of Blues Saraceno’s River. It’s bugging me a lot ‘cause I feel like there’s another song I can’t name. The high note was good but overall it’s a meh from me. I will not give any rating to it, I hate when Eurovision contestants rip off actual songs.

Romania: One word, memetastic. I love this and everything it offers to the audience. It also reminds me of Barclay from Stereo Kicks. Man, the yodels get me everytime, I love this clash of cultures as well as that weird kiss in the end lmao. 6/12

Germany: Right off the bat, Titanium by David Guetta and Sia. The singer is cute and has a nice voice but just like I did to Cyprus, I’m not going to rate it.

Ukraine: Again, Eurovision with weird shit. What is that hat, someone explain it to me. I fucking love the song though, it’s my piece of cake. Can we talk about the band please? They need love and are underrated in my opinion.

Belgium: I can’t name the song, but this is another rip-off. Shame really, her voice is lovely as well as herself.

Sweden: Just meme it, you know you want to. He reminds me of Felix (Pewdiepie if you wereliving under a rock for a while) for some reason? The song feels as if it was written for Robin Thicke originally. The dancers are the ones that are frickin’ beautiful. We are blessed with their presence. 4/12

Bulgaria: If I’m not remembering wrong he is one year older than me; he is performing in Eurovision as a finalist and I’m writing about him at 4:32 in the morning like can I have my break-out as an actress yet? No? Okay. Anyways, let me make this clear, I’m a teenage girl and he is attractive, plus has a mind-blowing voice, thus, I may have created a bias of some sort. Do I look like a heartless bitch that will deduct points from this amazing human being just 'cause I can’t relate to the lyrics? Not when this otherworldly person is the source of conflict at hand. I can’t wait for him to drop an album, I need more of his voice. Two songs aren’t enough, I want more, I need more. That little “Thank you.” at the end, I’m indeed fangirling. 12/12

France: I’m not as good as I was two years ago regarding the French language and it makes me sad. She is adorable and her voice is also very nice to listen to.