#I love the trans kids I teach they are always awesome

[allenkleinofficial]

.vent

[wintersshowers]

RONAN and ADAM and... ETHEL CAIN

(trust me its gonna be so good)

My thoughts on “crush” by Ethel Cain and The Raven Cycle (because my niche right now is rereading the raven cycle for the first time in 4 years and I just happened to see Ethel live and I cannot stop connecting them) 

As a prelude to my lyric/quote breakdown… Ethel Cain is a trans woman who writes hauntingly beautiful music.. She is religious and from the south, which is a HUGE part of why it is so undeniably apparent to me that she can be connected to specifically RONAN (gay catholic from the south with his barn house). Her music is so amazing and she is an awesome story teller so I hope you give her a listen.

Her most popular song CRUSH is so goddam Ronan and Adam I had to write this because I needed to put it somewhere. 

“His window's already passed, so he's shooting at the glass

Keeping guns in his locker, and he denies it

Like it's actually important, but he lied 'cause I sure did watch him

Showing up wearing black, and he knows that” 

His daddy's on death row, but he'll say it with his chest, though”

This is just very Ronan angst i don't feel like i need to explain.. 

“His friends move dope, he hasn't tried coke

But he's always had a problem saying no”

OKKK soooooo lets get into the the dream thieves helloooo 

Yes Kavinsky and Ronan’s relationship is very hard to define but whatever it is he takes up a lot of his time in dream thieves.. And he loves coke (or whatever the hell he dreamt up)… and Ronan is VERY BAD at saying no when it comes to any sort of challenge from Kavinsky.

OK NOW LETS GET INTO THE GOOD STUFF

“Can you read my mind? I've been watching you.”

“As they moved through the old barn, Adam felt Ronan’s eyes glance off him and away, his disinterest practiced but incomplete. Adam wondered if anyone else noticed.”

“Adam finally sat down on one of the pews. Laying his cheek against the smooth back of it, he looked at Ronan. Strangely enough, Ronan belonged here, too, just as he had at the Barns. This noisy, lush religion had created him just as much as his father's world of dreams; it seemed impossible for all of Ronan to exist in one person. Adam was beginning to realize that he hadn't known Ronan at all. Or rather, he had known part of him and assumed it was all of him.

The scent of Cabeswater, all trees after rain, drifted past Adam, and he realized that while he'd been looking at Ronan, Ronan had been looking at him.”

“When he opened his eyes, he saw that Ronan was looking at him, as he had been looking at him for months. Adam looked back, as he had been looking back for months.”

“Couldn't fight to save your life, but you look so cool”

“I’ve watched the evening news, Adam,” Gansey snapped. “Why don’t you let Ronan teach you to fight? He’s offered twice now. He means it.” With great care, Adam folded the greasy rag and draped it back over a toolbox. There was a lot of stuff in the carport. New tool racks and

calendars of topless women and heavy-duty air compressors and other things Mr. Parrish had decided were more valuable than Adam’s school

uniform. “Because then he will kill me.”

“Good men die too, oh, I'd rather be with you, you, you”

“See, Adam Parrish is wantable, worthy of a crush, not just by anyone, someone like Ronan, who could want Gansey or anyone else and chose Adam for his hungry eyes.”

HELLOOOOOOOOo are u kidding…. 

1st Gansey is the definition of a “good man”

2nd Adam is OBSESSED WITH THIS the whole damn series and is constantly attempting to model himself/who he wishes he was after gansey 

3rd to tie it all together… the whole series its like oh yea gansey is about to die (along with everyone else if we are being real) 

“I owe you a black eye and two kisses

Tell me when you wanna come and get 'em”

PLEASEEEEEE like this is MY WAY of describing the ANGST and SLOWWWWWburn of their relationship. When I hear her sing this I cannot help but giggle and kick my feet because of how amazingly it fits. 

“I only want him if he says it first to me”

"It was Adam’s ribs under Ronan’s hands and Adam’s mouth on his mouth, again and again and again. It was stubble on his lips and Ronan having to stop, to get his breath, to restart his heart. They were both hungry animals, but Adam had been starving for far longer.”

We all know the Ronan longing and it being a HUGE secret that he likes Adam... and Adam like knows and its like lol embarrassing (as if he isn't down bad as well)

ADAM is like oblivious to the legitimacy of his feelings until ronan gives him a little kissssss and then it's like he is all like “what is love” 

“He looks like he works with his hands, and smells like Marlboro Reds”

HELLOOOOOo this is so adam are u kidding

“Ronan crossed his arms to wait, just looking. At Adam's fine cheekbones, his furrowed fair eyebrows, his beautiful hands, everything washed out by the light. He had memorized the shape of Adam’s hands in particular: the way his thumbs jutted awkwardly, boyishly; the roads of prominent veins; the large knuckles that protruded from his long fingers. In dreams Ronan put them to his mouth.” 

“Adam twisted off the lid. Inside was a colorless lotion that smelled of mist and moss. Replacing the lid with a frown, he turned the container over, looking for more identifying features. On the bottom, Ronan's handwriting labeled it merely: manibus. For your hands.”

“Something's been feeling weird lately

There's just something about you, baby (there's just something about you, baby)

Maybe I'll just be crazy (I'll be crazy)

And piss him off 'til he hates me

Yeah right, he fucking loves me”

…… do i even need to say anything??

[ashinafl4sh]

Everything I can Never Be

Chapter 1

The curtain is about to open. 5 minutes to mentally prepare myself for this moment. I look over at my best friends, Sammy and Jackie. They nod at me. I pick up my drum sticks, Sammy grabs his microphone and Jackie grabs her electric guitar.

3...

I take a deep breath.

2...

I squeeze the sticks in my hands.

1...

The curtains open and there is a huge crowd in front of us. I'm amazed and scared at the same time.

We start playing a song. Everyone is cheering for us. They all know our names. I feel so proud.

I open my eyes and notice I'm in bed. I sigh. I wish that was really me. I could never be a famous drummer. I suck at the drums anyway. It's not really worth it, my dad says.

I get ready for school. I put on my chest binder and a shirt with the TX2 logo on it. I love that band. Evan is such an inspiration and Cam gives me gender envy. I put on some baggy jeans and grab my bag. I set it next to me as I eat fruity pebbles for breakfast.

I get on the school bus and sit in the back by myself. I turn on some music. It's a mix of TX2, Cavetown, and The Front Bottoms. People say my music taste is abnormal but I don't really care. I like all the bands that everyone hates. I think they are just misunderstood. I understand them. I like this music. It makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone.

I arrive at school and sit down in my first period ELA class. Everyone always hates me in school. I guess that's what I get for being a trans therian. Sorry for existing I guess. Kids are snickering at each other. I hate them too, it's fine.

Mrs Cahill starts the lesson. I feel like I am the only one who actually pays attention. I have a lot of respect for teachers. These people have to deal with annoying cis boys. They are so rude to the teachers. The teachers are actually awesome for everything they do for this school. Before you call me a nerd and stuff, just understand, teachers have to do boring presentations about 6 or more times a day. They are almost always standing up for it. Also the kids they have to put up with! Insane! I would go crazy teaching a class of 7th graders!

After class ends I go to the band room. I love band but I hate it at the same time. I'm a percussionist, right? So are ALL the mean cis boys. All of them. I hate them with a passion. I'm not very strong, but I want to hit them.

I go quickly so I can get to the good snare drum first. I hate running because of my chest binder. At least it's a short distance.

I pull out my drum sticks and set my folder and book up on the stand. I practice drum rolls and random drills and marching band roll offs. I'm waiting for the band to get settled in.

I look over at the drum kit in the corner. Usually for jazz band or a teacher to play. I imagine myself playing it for the whole school. I overthink it, like I always do. I feel embarrassed because what if they throw garbage at me on stage? What if they boo me in front of everyone? I can never be a professional drummer.

Band class starts and we play through our songs. I think I'm pretty good at the snare drum but I know the real boys will always be better than me.

After band I go to math. I like math. It's boring, yeah, but it's kind of easy.

I go through the rest of my classes, after school I video call my friends, Jackie and Sam.

"Hey guys!"

"Hey Oliver!" Jackie greets me.

"How are you, Ollie?" Sam asks me.

"Getting by, I guess," I chuckle.

"You guys wanna play Minecraft?" Jackie asks.

"Hell yeah!" Sam exclaims.

"Sure," I agree.

I grab my controller and turn on my PlayStation. I hang up the FaceTime and add them to a PlayStation party. We play our survival world that we always play. We have made good progress on it. We're hoping to be friends for life, and even if we split up, we will still have the world. I always doubt that people can be friends forever. We don't even live in the same area. Jackie is in Kent, England, Sam is in LA, California, and I am in Chicago, Illinois. Me and Sam are the only ones in the same country. I feel like online friends count as real friends but sometimes I doubt myself. I feel like I miss them all the time even though we can call whenever. It's weird to think we met on Roblox in 2020. I think it's nice that we found each other like that. If it weren't for the pandemic, we would have never met.

"Oliver, you okay? You're pretty quiet," Jackie says. Her British accent is quite strong.

"Yeah, just um.. spaced out," I tell her.

Later I go to bed. I have to take off my chest binder. It feels relieving for a second but then the dysphoria kicks in. I don't even want to think about it. I fall asleep quickly.

- I wrote this on a train with nothing going through my brain at all 😂 surviving off of a Monster and some Nerds Gummies

[phantomfitzroy]

I got caught and tagged like a wild animal by @cromerholt AND @noellevanious :-) quastions time

Are you named after anyone? Technically yes. When I listened to TAZ:Graduation I was really caught on Fitzroy Maplecourt, Knight in Absentia to the realm of Goodcastle 's name for some reason. Don't get me wrong, Griffin made a very fun character but I really don't associate my attachment to the name to him at all. It was more like inspiration, you know? Also my middle name, Aleksandr, is from an old ass youtuber I used to watch religiously in high school. If you know you know. I still use it as a first name, though, Fitz and Aleks are both good names I will respond to. Fun fact, my best friend called me Aleks through our junior/high school before I knew I was trans. I guess it just stuck.

When was the last time you cried? Yesterday. I watched a vid of an older woman with Alzheimer's talking with her daughter. She repeatedly asked her daughter to stop calling her mom, which did get to me, but what got to me most was her gradually remembering her daughter as the video went on while she looked at old photos and trinkets from her past. It really got to me.

Do you have kids? Nope :-) I fluctuate between not wanting kids and maybe wanting kids. I'm sure I'll have a better idea when I'm older and actually can take care of myself first.

What sports do you play/have you played? I used to play basketball in junior high. Also if you count marching band? Our director had us doing laps around the football field before practice and shit.

Do you use sarcasm? A very hesitant yes. I hardly use it, the closest I could say I get to sarcasm most of the time is just telling silly lies to people, but there's never any ill will behind it ever. I just like seeing what I can get people to believe, but I always let people know I lied after.

What's the first thing you notice about someone? In a physical sense their smile. I'm drawn to people's mouths for some reason. But in a broader sense the first thing I notice is usually the way they interact with other people.

Eye color? Hazel. I've got this cool ring of orangeish gold around my pupils.

Scary movies or happy endings? Depends on the day. I usually like scary movies though. As long as the ending is satisfying, it doesn't have to be happy for me to have enjoyed the experience.

Any talents? I don't like talking myself up but I am pretty good at acting and singing. Admittedly, I think I'm a better singer now than before my voice dropped from HRT.

Where were you born? Midwest. Minnesota. You're not getting anything closer than that, I shant dox myself.

Hobbies? Art. I draw and have been trying to get back into painting. I also technically do theatre as a hobby currently, since I don't get paid for the performances I'm in. And viddy games :-)

Any pets? I do not legally have pets, at least not in my own home, but I consider my dad's dogs my dogs since I take care of them as much (if not more) than they do lmao. Also one of my mom's dogs is technically mine, since I did pay for him when we got him, but I haven't been able to have pets anywhere I've lived since I moved out so he stays with my momma.

Height? 5'4"... I thought I was 5'5" until I was 18 years old.

Favorite school subject? I liked most science classes in school. The graphic design class I took in high school was fuckin awesome. Currently, though, I'm trying to teach myself to code and I'm enjoying that immensely.

Dream job? Professional acting!! Ideally I'd do live theatre, musical or otherwise. But I think I'd also be happy doing film. I would also be very happy as a live theatre director, though I'd need more experience directing first. I would also love love love to be a part of a professional improv troupe. Because I'm a dweeb. And good at improv.

Now I get to tag people. @genderkiller @gravellymistaken @nilovalentine @thesexiestlobster if you guy wanna do this :-) also anyone else who wants to, this was fun smiles

[drivingmebonkas]

Aka-chan To Boku (Baby & Me)

After Takuyas mother dies he becomes a young carer. While his father is busy with work Takuya balances school work, raising his brother Minoru and housekeeping. It's cute and as a former young carer myself, boy did that hit hard.

Magical X Miracle

Merleawe has left her hometown and moved to the capital city of Viegald to attend wizarding school. On her way to her first day of school, she bumps into a man who kidnaps her (due to a case of mistaken identity) and takes her to the castle, where she is charged with the awesome and overwhelming task of acting as a body double to the MIA Royal Magician until they work out what happened to him.

Please Save My Earth

A group of teenagers are reincarnated aliens who died while observing Earth from their base on the moon. They must deal with the consequences that come as they regain their past memories of their lives, deaths and fraught relationships. The supernatural powers aren't helping much either. OK, i know, it sounds weird af, but it really is a brilliant story. It has a cute sequel series too, following the end couples kid.

Yumeiro Patisserie

Amano Ichigo is incredibly clumsy and can't seem to do anything right until she is scouted at a Sweets Festival by Henri-sensei, who acknowledges her ability of taste. Henri-sensei suggests that she transfer to St. Marie academy, which she recognizes as the school her Grandmother, a skilled patissiere, was enrolled at. Ichigo has trouble adjusting, but with the help of the three Sweets Princes and their magical Sweets Spirits, as well as her own Sweets Spirit, Vanilla, she gains confidence and is able to work towards becoming a fantastic patissiere.

Love So Life

Shiharu is a high school student who loves kids, lives in an orphanage, and works at a daycare... Until the handsome uncle of two-year-old twins offers her a raise if she'll be their babysitter. Often relying on memories of her mother's actions for guidance, Shiharu quickly finds herself falling in love with her new makeshift family.

Gokusen

Yamaguchi Kumiko is the granddaughter of a yakuza boss who would rather become a high school teacher than continue the family tradition. The principal lets her teach on the condition that her students don't find out her background, otherwise parents will be in an uproar. Her class 2-D, is filled with delinquents, but she won't give up on them. Sawada, the leader of the class, finds out her secret because some things are hard to hide when you've been raised by yakuza. Will he tell and get her fired, or will her background be revealed some other way? What messes will these misunderstood punks get into, and how will she get them out?

Hourou Musuko

Shuichi Nitori is a 5th grade student who likes to bake and has always been something of a feminine boy. When he transfers to a new school, Shuichi is mistaken for his 6th grade sister on his first day. Then he ends up sitting next to Yoshino Takatsuki, a tall, boyish girl who everyone calls “Takatsuki-kun.” They both have secrets they can’t let anyone know…. (LGBT story based around a trans girl)

Vampire Game

Long ago, in an epic battle of might, King Phelios defeated the Vampire King Duzell. And as both lay dying, Duzell swore that his reincarnation would find King Phelios' reincarnation and exact his revenge. A hundred years later, the moment of reincarnation has arrived...the only problem is that Duzell has been reincarnated as a harmless house cat. And to add to his frustration, he can't find the reincarnation of King Phelios. Luckily, he has been adopted by Phelios' granddaughter, the teenage princess Ishtar, through whom Duzell may be able to track down who in the Phelios tribe is host to the great king's reincarnated soul. Ishtar is fucking awesome.

Princess Princess

Why is Toru Kouno receiving such an overly warm welcome at his new all boy's school? He has yet to discover the secret system called "Hime (Princess)" in effect at the school. Boys who are chosen have to dress up as a girl in every school event! Little does Kouno know that he would be the chosen one... (It also has cute side stories like Family Complex and Day of Revolution.)

Silver Diamond

Rakan lives alone, and the plants in his garden grow so thick and fast that it seems like a jungle. One day a man, holding a gun made of wood, falls right down into his garden. He seems to come from another world, and he's searching for someone who can bring back the green into his own dark and inhospitable world. (I've re read this so many times, such a good story, such a satisfying ending.

Komomo Confiserie

When the wealthy Komomo is sent to get a part time job after her familys bankruptcy, she joins a patisserie and reunites with a former servant turned skilled patisserie.

Moon Child

Will a half-mermaid, half-human girl bring an end to the feud between humanity and the mer-people — or bring about the destruction of all life on Earth? As a merman named Shona is returning to his birthplace to spawn, he meets a young human, who takes him in and cares for him. (This one is a weird but good one.)

Pet Shop Of Horrors

A smoke-filled alley in Chinatown harbors Count D's Pet Shop. The pets sold here aren't your everyday variety and the Count prides himself on selling Love and Dreams in the form of magical creatures that come with an exclusive contract. But buyers beware. If the contract is broken the Count cannot be held accountable for whatever may happen. A fascinating and macabre look into the very soul of human nature. (Has a sequel, Pet Shop Of Horrors: Tokyo)

Adekan

Laid-back and somewhat absent-mindedly seductive umbrella craftsman Shiro (sans loincloth) and hot-blooded officer Kojiro, who stands against all things undisciplined, get involved in a bloody and erotic thrill-ride in an off-kilter town. This action packed jack-of-all-trades will have you swooning at its sexiness and leave you more addicted than opium! Tsujiki Nao's very first collection of works

Some of my Favorite Manga That Deserve an Anime Adaptation

Red River (28 volumes)

😍😍😍 !!!!!!!! *gestures dramatically at the screen* I just!!! I cannot scream this enough!!!! This forgotten gem stole my heart in 2020 and I cannot get over it. In a word, this series is: passionate. Exquisite. UNDERRATED. 😭😭😭 It's a historical isekai romance that is full of political intrigue, erotica, brilliant characterization, GORGEOUS art, and great action. This manga is the reason why I wrote 3 out of the 8 non-crossover Red River fics that exist on AO3 lmaooooo. IT'S JUST SOOOOO GOOD!!!! I never finished a series longer than 7 volumes within less than 2 weeks, and completely online, no less! It's a damn shame that it's so hard finding even physical copies of the manga to own, because dammit, I NEED!!!! 😍😍😍🥺🥺🥺 I would straight up CRY from joy if an anime adaptation was ever announced skgjfdfkjgdf (but I doubt it'd ever happen 😭)

MAO (14 volumes and counting!)

I mean, it's only the legendary Rumiko Takahashi's latest work, COME ON. It has Takahashi's usual touch in the art style, themes, and motifs, but is also wonderfully refreshing, with all new memorable characters and low-key one of her BEST main ships of all time. The game's afoot, and there's mysteries to unravel with deeper conspiracies beneath them all, all with a hot immortal doctor and a feisty girl who shares his curse with a cat demon thing (a byoki, to be precise). WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE?!

FAKE (7 volumes)

Yes, there's an OVA 2-part special. No, it's not enough. This bitch is thirsty for MORE. 😍😍😍👀👀👀 Yuri on Ice may be the first "yaoi" to steal my heart (I only put quotations because there's no porn lol), but FAKE is the first "official" yaoi to make me SQUEEEE while reading. Yes, this older series is not free from some of the unfortunate trappings of older yaoi series (*cough* noncon issues! *cough cough*), but I think what makes it work is that it's never pushed too far. And honestly, the mysteries surrounding their work as private detectives was so compelling, that it was almost like they never had time for shenanigans.... until after they fell in love 👀👀👀 Or, rather, after Ryo FINALLY accepted that he's gay AF for Dee lmao. Also: points for Dee being an openly bisexual man, who constantly corrects those who call him a homosexual. For the 90's??? That's surprisingly progressive.

Angel Sanctuary (20 volumes)

Yes, there's a 3 episode OVA. But it only "covers" the first 2 volumes out of TWENTY. This series is absolutely gorgeous: the Gothic inspired art, every panel is just dripping in angst, detail, and passion. The incest takes a backseat for the REAL drama, a savage dressing down of the hypocrisy of Christian ideals in a world where even the realm of Heaven is corrupt and full of sin. Dark, angsty, deliciously sinful, and a thoughtfully cynical yet inspiring commentary on what makes us human (even if you're a devil or an angel), it is an absolute CRIME that this series was never made into a full-length anime. If other controversial anime can be made/adapted in this day and age, then why not give this classic, forgotten gem a try, anime studios?! 😤

The Gentlemen's Alliance Cross (11 volumes)

Arina Tanemura's art is simply *chef's kiss* She has such a Shoujo Style that is unparalleled. Two are of her earlier works were made into beloved early 2000's magical girl anime series: Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne and Full Moon wo Sagashite. So why not THIS?! It is such a deliciously absurd Drama that is addicting and frustrating as hell. It's also just a truly touching tale of how family baggage can be so damaging to people's perceptions on love, relationships, and self-worth. It's a series that's near and dear to my heart, and I'd love to see it animated one day.

Kitchen Princess (10 volumes)

This adorable series is 90% fluff, 10% ANGST, with some of the cutest art styles imaginable. If you're itching for a series about food that doesn't go batshit like Food Wars (I love that show, but I can understand that it can be, er, overwhelming lol), Kitchen Princess invites you in for tea and cake and holds your hand as you eat delicious desserts that warm your soul. It is just a sweet, sweet story, with an abundance of fluff, but enough angst and hurt/comfort to balance out the cutesyness. Definitely a comfort food series that NEEDS AN ADORABLE, WHOLESOME ANIME AND CUTESY SOUNDTRACK, DAMMIT!!!!

Fushigi Yuugi: Genbu Kaiden (12 volumes)

If the original series can get an anime, then SO CAN THE PREQUEL, DAMMIT!!!! Genbu Kaiden took what is good about Fushigi Yuugi, and made it better. The protagonist is a thousand times more likable and stronger, both physically and emotionally. The dramatic scenes are far more effective and don't rely on Soap Opera BS. And the art has improved! GENBU KAIDEN DESERVES MORE LOVE!!!

Arisa (12 volumes)

Don't let the cutesy art fool you: this is one of the darkest series I ever read that didn't kill off the entire cast. With the right soundtrack and animation studio, this could be a downright chilling show to watch, without resorting to Higurashi levels of terror and violence. I don't Do horror at all, but the psychological thrills and twists of this dark series kept me invested, frightened, alarmed, and entertained until the very end. I would love to see it animated one day.... 👀

Shinobi Life (13 volumes)

THE BODYGUARD ROMANCE BEFORE YONA OF THE DAWN MADE IT COOL!!!! 😍😍😍 Lol, but in all seriousness, this series is SO GOOD!!! Now that I finally own all of the physical copies published in English (which is only half, because this world is cruel 😭😭😭), I cannot WAIT to dive back into this world of time-traveling ninjas and reincarnated princesses and adorkable relationship shenanigans, with an added bonus of backstory ANGST.

Alice in the Country of Joker: Circus and Liar's Game (7 volumes)

Listen. LISTEN. I DEMAND AN ANIME BASED OFF THIS MIND-BOGGLING TRASH, and no, not just that joke of a "movie" that is even somehow even more incoherent than the countless manga spin-offs. Not all of us have the patience or understanding to play the games, pleeeeeease 😭😭😭

~~~

Honorable Mentions:

Fairy Cube (3 volumes)

First of all: fairies. Second of all: this tiny 3-volume series is such a clusterfuck of chaos, lightning fast plot points, that if stretched out to even a 12 or 13 episode series would probably make it coherent AND give justice to the story.

Alice 19th (6 volumes)

Same logic to Fairy Cube: I just want someone to take this mind-fuck of a series, because, in the right studio and director's hands, it be soooo amazing!

Otomen (17 volumes)

Honestly, I barely remember much of this adorkable series, other than the very refreshing and honest takes on gender, gender roles, and gender identity and how all are similar and yet separate. It would be nice to see more representation in mainstream anime, even now.

RG Veda (10 volumes)

Once again: a 2-episode OVA does not an anime make. Literally I just love the art and mythologies. And it's one of CLAMP's earliest work, and is low-key their most gorgeous. Imagining this story animated to today's standards would be *chef's kiss* AMAZING!!! 😍

Kilala Princess (5 volumes)

Let me make one thing absolutely clear: this will never happen. Ever. Never ever ever. Not in my lifetime, certainly, as long as copyright laws exist. If Kingdom Hearts is never gonna get an anime/animated show adaptation, then this cutesy manga sure as hell won't. But GODS I WANT IT!!!!!! 😍😍😍🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭 It is every childhood Disnerd's self-insert dream come true sdkjgdjfgr

[full-of-roman-angst-trash]

Kindergarten Teachers

Warnings: None! This is literally just fluff!

Pairings: Romantic Roceit, Romantic Remlosleep (Remus x Logan x Remy), Platonic Moxiety

This Fanfic includes: Trans!Remy (FTM), Nonbinary!Roman, Agender!Remus (Ze/Zem), Kid!Patton, Kid!Virgil.

Also here’s a quick list of what every gender neutral term in this fanfic stands for-

Nopa- taken from '(no)n-binary (pa)rent'

Baba- based on 'Mama/Dada/Papa'. Also means dad in some languages and grandmother in others.

Zaza- a mashup of 'mama/dada/papa' and the gender neutral pronouns 'Ze/Zir' or ‘Ze/Zem’. 

Zizi- neutral based on Italian for Aunt (Zia) and Uncle (Zio)

(This is the longest thing I have every written. It took me forever to finish this, sorry-)

~~~~~~~~~~

From a relatively young age, Logan had always found an immense interest in becoming a teacher. His love for teaching started fairly simply; back when he was eight years old.

“Hey, Logie, can you help me with my homework?”

Logan looked up from his book and over at his younger sister, “Yeah sure. Bring it here.”

She walked over to him, paper in hand and, put it down on Logan’s desk.

“I don’t understand questions seven and nine,” She said, pointing at the two questions.

“Alright,” He read over the problems, quickly solving them in his head, “Okay, so let’s start with number seven.”

About five minutes later he finished explaining the problem.

“Understand?” Logan asked his sister.

She nodded and showed him her work. “Is that the right answer?”

“Yeah! Good job.” He gave her a proud smile. “Now for number nine.”

He once again explains the problem, watching her solve it as he talks. Once she was done, he double checked it.

“Congrats you got it right again!”

His sister giggled, “Yay! Thanks for the help Logie!” 

He nodded, “Of course. Anything else?”

“Nope! See you later, bro!” She collected her homework and skipped off to her room.

Logan smiled to himself, happy that he could help. He enjoyed the feeling of being able to share his knowledge with his sister and watching her understand something new. It was nice. He let out a soft sigh before going back to his book.

Soon after, Logan found out what it meant to be a teacher and he immediately knew that that was what he wanted to be in the future. 

Of course, when he told people he wanted to be a teacher, he didn’t recieve the best responses. Logan had always been a smart kid. He was put into tons of programs for academically advanced kids, he always got the best scores in tests, and had the highest grades in his school. Because of this, everyone always told him that if he became a teacher he would be wasting his natural gift. 

Well, all but one person did. 

“Hey!” 

Logan was in his fifth grade class, sitting by the window, when an older-looking kid sat next to him.

“Salutations,” Logan said, looking the kid up and down, “Is there something you need?”

The kid giggled, “Nope! Also, you talk funny!” 

There was a moment of silence, Logan unsure of how he should respond. It didn’t matter though, since the other kid quickly continued the conversation.

“My name is Roman! Roman Auden. I go by they/them pronouns!” 

The name caught Logan’s attention.

“Auden? Like the famous poet W.H auden?” 

Roman seemed surprised for a second before nodding. “Yeah! You know about him!? That’s awesome, I love his poetry!”

Logan found himself smiling. “I enjoy his poetry as well. My name is Logan Metis. I go by he/him pronouns.”

They gasped, “Like the greek goddess Metis!?”

“Yes, I’m surprised you know about her.”

“How can I not? She is amazing!”

The two shared a small laugh and they continued talking until the bell rang. After class the two talked some more and, well, they became friends relatively quickly. Shortly after becoming friends, Logan learned that this was actually Roman’s second time taking fifth grade since they failed it their first time. He also learned that that was one of the many things Roman was ashamed of.

Since they were friends, Logan promised that he would tutor Roman and helped them with anything they didn’t understand. And as the years passed, Logan kept that promise. 

Little did Logan know though, but Roman admired him deeply. So, when they talked about what they want to be in the future and Logan mentioned he wanted to be a teacher, Roman decided they wanted to try and be a teacher as well.

In middle school, the two of them made more friends. The first person to join was Roman’s younger twin, Remus. Who despite how chaotic ze acted, was actually relatively smart. Then, through Remus they met Janus, who Roman almost immediately crushed on. A year later, they met Remy since he got along with Remus. The last one to join was Emile, who Logan met in his fresheman year of highschool in his psychology class.

~~~~~~~~~~

Now Roman was in their first year of high school, about half way through the school year. The whole school knew that today was Roman’s birthday and well, they had received quite a large amount of gifts. All of their friends had gotten them something. All but one, Janus. Roman has had a crush on Janus ever since the second month they met so it hurt to not get a gift from him. Of course, they didn’t show it because they didn't want to pressure Janus into giving them a gift but it still sucked

"What's wrong?" Remus asked in the middle of their last class. Ze had noticed that zyr twin seemed off the whole day but ze hadn't found a time to ask until now. 

Roman sighs and puts their head down, speaking quietly “It’s nothing… Don’t worry about it…”

Remus frowns softly, “It doesn’t seem like nothing. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

The older twin lets out a small sigh and quietly mumbles, “I’m just being dramatic Rem… It’s really nothing important…”

That line makes Remus snap, “Roman. Tell me what is wrong. I don’t care how dramatic you think you are being.”

They flinch a bit at zyr sudden snap but quickly calms down after taking a deep breath. 

“Fine…” They finally give in, “I’m just a bit upset that Janus forgot my birthday... It’s no big deal though…”

Remus stays quiet for a while, trying zyr best to not smile. Zyr knew that Janus was planning on confessing to Roman today, after all zyr was the one who gave him the idea. So, ze is fighting the urge to tell zyr twin.

“Aww Roro, it’s okay. Maybe he’s waiting till the end of school or something. Try to stay optimistic.” Remus finally says.

Roman takes a deep breath and nods, “Yeah, you’re right. Thanks Rem.”

Ze nods before turning Zyr attention back to the teacher’s lesson. 

The bell rings, signifying that school is over. The twins quickly pack up and leave. They wait at the front of thr school for their other friends, talking about a bunch of random thoughts. Eventually everyone but Janus shows up.

“Hey Ro,” Emile says and Roman turns to him.

“Yes?”

Emile smiles, “Janus said if you could go to the fountain real quick, he says he has something to tell you.”

Roman raises a brow in amusement and nods, “Um okay?”

They walk over to the fountain, blushing when they see Janus.

“Hey Ro,” Janus says softly, smiling lovingly at them, sending butterflies all throughout Roman’s body.

They stop walking once they're in front of Janus, “Hey, you wanted to tell me something?”

He nods and takes a deep breath, “Imma just get straight to the point, I’ve liked you for a few years now and I was wondering if you wanted to try out a relationship together.”

Both of them were red by now. Roman hearts skips a beat, they couldn’t believe that Janus actually like them back 

“YES!” They quickly answer, not wanting to lose this moment. 

Janus smiles brightly and hugs them, “Happy birthday Ro.”

Roman hugs him back and smiles brightly, “Thanks Jan.”

The two of them eventually go back to the others, announcing their new relationship. The rest of the group congratulates them. It didn’t take long before the two of them became one of the most iconic couples in the school. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Remus takes a deep breath. Ze was now in junior year and well ze thought it was time he confessed to Logan. Ze has had a crush on Logan for about two years now and well Roman finally convinced zem to act on zyr feelings

Ze was snow standing in the park, it was a Saturday and zyr had asked Logan if he could meet zem in the park. 

“Hey,” Logan says, cutting through Remus’ thoughts as he walks over to zem.

Remus hides the flowers ze is holding behind zyr back. “Hey Lo!”

“How are you?” Logan smiles softly.

“I’m good, you?” Remus returns the smile, blushing slightly

Logan notices the blush and also bushes slightly, “I’m doing well. May I ask why you asked to meet up?”

Remus takes a deep breath, “W-well…” Ze stops hiding the flowers and holds them out for Logan, “Would you be my boyfriend? I’ve liked you for like two years now and well I thought it’s about time I told you. You don’t have to say yes, it’s okay if you say no-”

Logan smiles fondly and gently cuts Remus off with a soft kiss to zyr cheek, “I would be honored to be your boyfriend.”

He then takes the flowers from zem, “And thank you for the flowers. They are beautiful.”

It takes Remus a moment to comprehend what just happened but when ze does, ze can’t but be full of glee. 

“Of course, I’m happy you like them,” Ze says a bit shyly.

“Mhm, now, want to go to my house and watch a movie?” Logan offers. 

Remus nods immediately and they start walking to Logan’s house. The rest of the evening was amazing and well when Remus got home, ze immediately told Roman all about it. Roman was extremely happy for zem and well glad their plan worked.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Logan and Remus had been dating for about a year. They were currently in a coffee shop hanging out with Remy on a Friday since they had no school that day. The day was going well, but Logan noticed that Remy seemed a bit off

“You okay, Remy?” He asked gently, snapping Remy out of his thoughts.

For a few seconds Remy said nothing before sighing, “If I’m being honest, no.”

This caught both Remus and Logan off guard and they both frowned.

“What’s wrong?” Remus asked worryingly.

Remy went quiet again for a while.

“Look…” He started, looking down. “I-I…I like both of you…a lot…and I can’t keep pushing these feelings down. I know you two are dating, and I’ve tried getting these feelings to go away, but I can’t…I’m sorry…”

They both looked at each other, shocked. The silence makes Remy's nerves go over the edge. He stands up.

"I'll be right back,"

He quickly walks off to the restroom, leaving Remus and Logan to figure out what they want to do next

“What should we say?” Remus whispered to Logan.

Logan considered the question for a while before quietly asking, “Well, do you like him?”

Ze blushed a bit and nodded slowly, whispering back, “Y-yeah…I still like you though!”

“I like him too,” Logan whispered reassuringly. “How about we ask him if he wants to try a polyamorous relationship?”

Remus smiled brightly and nodded.

They wait for Remy to come back. Once he does, he sits back down, still looking very anxious.

“Remy?” Logan gently spoke.

He looked up at them. “Y-yes?” He nervously muttered out.

Logan smiled softly. “Have you ever heard of a polyamorous relationship?” 

Remy blushed and nodded. “Yeah, why?”

Remus laughed softly. “Well, we both like you as well and we want to try one out with you. If you’re okay with it, of course. What do you say?”

“Yes!” Remy said immediately, blushing heavily and with a pleasantly-surprised smile.

Logan chuckled, “It’s decided then.” 

The three of them told the group the next day and everyone was surprised. They accepted the relationship and congratulated them though and, despite what many people told them, the relationship ended up working out very well. 

~~~~~~~~~~

After graduating high school, Roman and Janus moved in together. Logan and Remus also moved in together, sadly though Remy had to live in the dorms of his school.

Roman and Logan went to the same school. They both got their Bachelor's degree before getting their EdD. Logan then continued going to school for an extra five years to get his PhD in education. Emile and Remus both went to medical school. Emile got his PhD in psychology and Remus got zyr MD. Janus went to law school—graduating with a doctorate in criminal justice and Remy went to art school—graduating with a doctor of arts degree.

Once they finished college, Remy moved in with his two lovers. Eventually, Remy proposed to them and they got married when Remy and Logan were twenty-eight, and Remus was twenty-nine.

Janus and Remy finished school at the age of twenty-five. Roman finished his schooling at the age of twenty-six. Logan finished at twenty-seven. Remus finished later at the age of twenty-eight. Finally, Emile finished at the age of thirty.

Janus and Roman got married when they were both twenty-seven. Emile decided to stay single and lived with a couple of friends he made in college.

At the age of twenty-nine, Remy got pregnant and eventually gave birth to a baby boy, which they named Virgil. A couple months before Virgil was born, Janus and Roman adopted a baby that they named Patton.

Soon after college, at the age of thirty. Logan got a job as a kindergarten teacher, much to everyone’s surprise. 

Most people imagined him to become a professor at a college. The only few who knew about him wanting to become a kindergarten teacher were Roman, Remy, and Remus. 

The next huge surprise was when Roman ended up also becoming a kindergarten teacher, even getting a job at the same school as Logan. Not even their own twin or husband expected that, since they knew Roman had a huge love for theater and performing. Everyone thought they would become an actor or a singer, even though Roman argued that it was obvious they wanted to be a teacher or else they wouldn’t have gotten a degree in education.

The two of them quickly became known as some of the best teachers in their school.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Mr. Lolo! Can you put on another puppet show? Please? I don’t really get this topic,” Patton asks.

Logan chuckled softly. He had been teaching for seven years now and it had been amazing. He loved his students and loved seeing them grow smarter while having fun. 

“Alright. How about we also invite your nopa’s class as well?”

Patton nodded excitedly along with the rest of the class. 

This had become a very common thing for them. Logan and Roman often combined their classes and put on puppet shows for them. Of course, it wasn’t just mindless entertainment; they taught them all sorts of things through their shows. They introduced advanced vocabulary to them, life lessons, and important social lessons. They talked about sexualities, gender identities, social norms, and insecurities. Sometimes the puppet shows turned into plays in which Roman sang and danced around with their students.

“Okay, then.” He turned to Patton. “Patton, can you do me the courtesy of going next door and requesting their appearance at our theatrical show?”

Logan loved using his high vocabulary with his students. He loved watching the amazement in their faces when he introduced a new advanced word to them. However, what he loved even more was having them ask about words they didn't understand.

Patton smiled brightly and nodded “Yes sir!” He quickly walked out of the room and went next door. 

Roman was in their classroom, watching their husband teach their students about basic philosophy. They often invited their husband to their class to teach their students. Since Janus worked as a lawyer, he was often busy, but he still managed to find time to visit his lover at work and help them. 

There was a soft knock on the door and Roman stood up. They walked to the door and opened it to see their adopted son, Patton.

"Hello, sweetheart. How may I be of service to you on this fine day?" Roman asked, adding their usual dramatics to their speech.

Patton giggled and held out the paper invitation for Roman to take. “Here, baba!”

They took the paper and immediately knew what it was. They opened it and pretended to read it though, just to make Patton happy.

"Thank you for the delivery, baby. Tell Lolo that we shall be there in a few minutes

The young cheery boy nods, "No problem! And yes baba!" 

Patton gives Roman a hug before skipping off to his class again.

Roman walked to the front of the class and gently placed a hand on Janus' shoulder, silently telling him to put his lesson on pause. Janus got the hint and went quiet.

"My deepest apologies for interrupting, but we have just been invited to a performance next door."

The class went wild and the couple burst out laughing. Roman loved seeing their students happy and excited. They loved seeing the shine in their eyes when they heard or saw something they loved. They loved seeing their faces light up with excitement at the possibility of learning something new. They just loved them in general. 

"Okay, okay, settle down, guys. Let's get in a line and go next door. We don't want to keep Mr. Lolo's class waiting. 

They quickly lined up the class and walked them next door. They gently knocked on the door. Logan opened the door and they walked in.

“Virgie!” Patton ran over to Virgil and hugged him tightly.

The shyer kid hugged him back. “Hey Patt!”

Soon, Virgil pulled away from the hug and ran over to Logan, hugging him while Patton went to Janus.

“Hey dad,” Virgil said as his dad hugs him back.

“Hey buddy, how are you?” Logan asked gently, knowing that his son seemed to be struggling with signs of anxiety.

Virgil shrugged. “I’m okay. I haven’t freaked out today!” He said proudly.

The proud smile on his dad’s face made Virgil smile more.

“That’s great, buddy. Now go and sit down.”

He nodded and pulled away from the hug, skipping off to sit down with the other kids. Logan smiled and turned to Roman and Janus to see Janus having a petty fight with Patton.

“That’s not fair!” Janus whined out.

Patton giggled and nodded, “Yes it is! Daddy said a naughty word so you will not receive any physical affection from me.”

Roman laughed fondly, watching their husband bicker with their son. In the end, Janus didn’t get a kiss on the cheek while Roman got two from Patton. Janus then put Patton down, and the little boy ran off to cuddle with Virgil. The rest of Roman’s students settled into the fort that Logan’s class setup, snuggling with pillows, blankets, and stuffed animals.

Logan walks over to the couple and smiled. “Salutations, guys. Janus, will you be performing in our theatrical performance?”

Janus nodded. “Yeah, also, hey.”

Roman waved before getting an idea. “We should also invite Remy and Remus! Don’t both of them have a day off?”

“Yes, they do,” Logan stated. “I can call them and ask if they can come.”

The kids get even more excited when they hear Remy’s and Remus’ name. Remy came to the class quite often since he worked from home. Remus rarely came since ze worked as a cardiothoracic surgeon. Today though, ze managed to get a day off after a lot of begging.

Logan walked to the phone and called Remy.

“Hey, babe!” Remy quickly picked up. “What’s up?”

Logan chuckled fondly. “Hey, can you and Rem come to my classroom in like five minutes? Roman and I are putting on a puppet show for the kids. Janus is here too.”

Remy sat up making Remus, who was laying on his lap, look up at him questioningly. “Fuck yeah, we can! We’ll be there very soon, darling!”

“Okay, see you soon then. I love you.” 

Remy blows a kiss through the phone. "Love ya’ too, bitch. See ya!" He hung up and looked down at Remus.

"Hunny Bun, our beautiful nerd has invited us to his classroom for a lovely puppet show!" 

Ze sat up and nodded. "Alright. Let's go then."

The two of them had already changed since they were planning on going to the store. Ze stood up and stretched a bit.

"Do you want me to drive?" Remy asked as he stood up.

“Sure,” Remus said with a shrug.

Remus, who was significantly shorter than Remy, climbed onto zyr lover and latched on to him. Remy laughed and started making his way to the car. Once they got there, Remy gently lowered Remus down into the passenger seat before getting in on the driver’s side. 

They made it to the school within three minutes since they lived relatively close. They walked in, the ladies in the office recognizing them and letting them in after they signed in. They got to the classroom door and Remus knocked on it. The door was quickly opened by Virgil.

“Zaza! Pops!” Virgil quickly rushed over to them and hugged them tightly, a bright smile on his face.

They both kneeled down and hugged him back.

“Hey, my little prince,” Remus said as ze kissed Virgil’s cheek. “Is your Dad inside?”

Virgil nodded. “We were waiting for you guys! You guys took so long” He lectured at them.

Remy chuckled. “First of all, we didn't even take that long. Second of all, you’re just like your dad, sweetie. Now come on, let’s not keep the other kids waiting.”

They pulled away from the hug, the two adults standing up as Virgil ran back to Patton. The couple walked in and walked over to their friends. Logan was the first to see them and he smiled. Roman and Janus noticed them shortly after.

“Finally. You two took your time,” Janus said with a playful annoyed tone.

“Nice to see you too Jany,” Remy said with a smirk as he walked over to Logan and hugged him from behind, making the other blush.

Roman giggled. “Hey Rem.” 

“Hi RoRo!” 

The two twins shared a brief hug before Remus turned zyr attention to the kids. Ze greeted them and then went over to Logan.

“Let’s start this show!” Remy loudly exclaimed and the kids cheered with excitement.

The puppet show started, but it didn’t last long before it was turned into a full out play. Janus played the role of the evil sorcerer who kidnapped prince Remy with the help of his dragon witch sidekick, Remus. Logan, the good sorcerer along with Roman, the knight, had to save the prince. To make sure it stayed educational, they used questions and facts as their sort of magic. Janus and Remus asked philosophy questions as traps and, in order for Roman and Logan to pass these traps, they had to answer the questions. In turn, they asked the kids for help. When a kid got it right, not only did they help the play continue, they also received a snack as a prize

What made Logan and Roman ecstatic, though, was watching as the kids teamed up and worked together to find the answers. They watched as the kids wrote notes, used dictionaries and books, and asked questions. It made them so happy. 

By the end of the play, Remy was rescued and Janus and Remus were captured. They took a bow and the class cheered and clapped. 

Afterwards, the kids started to help with the clean up.

“Roman! You’re such a meanie!” Remus whined as ze cleaned “You hit me for real with your sword prop on purpose!”

The accused twin gasped in fake offense. 

“What? I would never, dear twin! Who do you think I am?”

Remus huffed and threw a paper at Roman. 

“Yeah, okay! You’re such a b-hole,” Ze said, censoring zemself since ze really didn’t want Logan to get mad at zem for cursing in front of the kids.

Roman caught the paper and laughed. 

“Whatever, shortie,” they teased their twin, despite the fact that they were only a few inches taller.

“Oh, I’ll show you short,” Remus threatened with a smirk, of course not seriously though.

“Okay, okay,” Janus broke them up. “Settle down you two. Just continue cleaning.”

The twins laughed before nodding and continuing to clean.

Shortly after they finished, the bell rang. 

"Alright kids, get your bags and get in a line by the door," Logan instructed the kids.

They all quickly started following directions. Roman went to their room quickly to get their stuff and clean up their classroom before going back to the other room. Once the kids were ready, Logan and Roman took them outside so that their parents could pick them up. The others, along with Patton and Virgil, stayed in the room to wait for them. After all the kids got picked up, which was relatively quickly, Roman and Logan went back to Logan’s classroom.

“There you guys are,” Remus said while being carried by Remy. “Ready to go home

“My apologies, but we are not,” Logan said as he walked over to his desk. “Our students won a movie night and, well, we have to set everything up. Not only that, but we also need to hang up the halloween decorations that they made.”

Roman nodded standing by the door to get ready to go to their classroom. “Yeah, it’ll take us a good two hours, so you guys can head home.”

“Wait, baba!” Patton walked over to Roman. “May we assist you guys? Daddy doesn’t have any work to do and I promise I won’t get in the way. Maybe Zizi Remus and Uncle Remy can assist as well!”

“Well, I’m okay with that pumpkin, but we have to ask them if they want to stay.” Roman said as they ruffled Patton’s hair, making the little boy giggle.

“I’m cool with it, babes,” Remy answered before they even had the chance to ask. “I love being able to help my lovely starlight.”

Logan blushed at the nickname. “What about you, lovely?” He asked, looking at Remus.

Remus thought for a bit before nodding. “I’d like to help as well.” 

And with that, they split into two groups; Janus, Roman, Patton, and eventually Emile, who joined them about half an hour later, worked on Roman’s room. Logan, Remus, Remy, and Virgil meanwhile, set up Logan’s room. 

By the time they were done, the two little kids had fallen asleep and it was around five o’clock. They were now standing in the parking lot, Roman carrying Patton in their arms while Remy carried Remus on his back and Virgil in his arms. 

“Well, thanks for the help guys. We’ll see y’all tomorrow,” Roman said, leaning on Janus a bit, who had an arm around them. 

Logan smiled. “It’s you all, but yeah. We appreciated the help.”

“It was no problem,” Janus answered. “Bye, guys.”

Roman sets Patton in the backseat before getting in on the passenger side. Janus waved one last time and got in on the drivers side. The others waved back and watched them leave. 

Once they were gone Emile turned to the remaining three, “Well, I'm going to get going as well. See you all tomorrow. Get home safe.”

“Thanks darling, bye,” Remy responded as Emile walked to his car. 

“Well,” Logan turned to his two lovers. “Let's go home. It looks like Remus and Virgil are both tired.”

Remy looked at Remus to see zem asleep and chuckled fondly. “Yeah.”

They got into the car and Remy drove them back home, smiling more when he saw that Logan also fell asleep mid-ride. 

“Sweet dreams, loves,” He whispered softly before turning his attention back to the road.

@anxiously-creating 

~~~~~~~~~~

@im-a-creepy-cookie

[imagine-organization-xiii]

I'd love to see the organization member's finding out their s/o is actually genderfluid. Or perhaps transgender, please and thank you!

I left it fairly vague, but someone who reviewed this post for me said that it leaned more toward FtM - that being said, I hope you all enjoy!

ALSO *spoilers* Demyx is 100% also trans in this so y’all can fight me

Masterlist here!

oOoOoOo

Xemnas - Loves you for your brain, not your body. All he cares about is that you’re comfortable with who you are in your own body, whether you identify as male, as female, or as something a little in between. Holy shit, he’s also fiercely protective. Unfortunately attitudes regarding transgender people are less positive than they should be, so he’s ready to SNAP at anyone who bothers to misgender you or give you strange or hateful looks.

Xigbar - Xigbar has been a lot of different people over the years, so he was like… okay, whatever, you want to go get burgers now? It’s as regular to him as breathing. He was extremely casual about it - I mean, you know you better than he does, and if this is who you are now then… okay! He’s there for it! If you’re aren’t out, know that he’ll follow your lead. He’ll use your chosen name and pronouns in private until you give him permission to use them in public, but just know that he will always support you no matter what you decide.

Xaldin - he wouldn’t say that he was uncomfortable with the idea of you being transgender - he was more uncomfortable that you didn’t say anything and that you spent so much time LETTING him refer to you as the wrong gender. He’ll understand your reluctance, but he’ll make it clear that you can trust him with anything and that you don’t need to hide who you are. He’ll defend you to the death, if needed.

Vexen - Does as much research as he can to fully understand what you’re going through, the science behind it, and tries to figure out the best way for him to help you. Do you want top or bottom surgery? He’s got the best experts/surgeons in the universe on speed dial. You need a new prescription for hormones? He’s got it for you already. Wants you to feel comfortable in your own body and will do whatever he can to make that happen.

Lexaeus - This BEEF MAN is SO SOFT. He knows NOTHING about people who are transgender but he will do research!!! He might not understand it, but he’s happy to listen to you explain anything he doesn’t understand - or he might even go to Vexen for explanations if he’s trying to surprise you with research.

Zexion - we all know that Zexion is intelligent, but this is one subject in which he’s pretty ignorant. But that’s okay!!! You get to teach him what it means to identify as transgender, and he’s SO happy to learn. You’re a great teacher and he’ll happily listen to you talk for hours - it’s really just a bonus that he gets to learn something! You both are around the same size, so he won’t even complain if you take some of his clothes to wear, too.

Saix - Saix grew up in a fairly conservative family - he thinks he might have gravitated toward Lea as a kid because the kid was just so outrageous and a deep contrast to his stifling family. He goes cold when he realizes that you’re transgender, not because he hates it, but because he’s WORRIED for you. He knows how awful people can be to things they don’t understand, and he’s so concerned that he won’t be near you and you might get hurt because of some ignorant asshole on the street. Won’t let you leave his side unless you promise him that you’ll continue to be careful and that you’ll let him know if you need him to help you handle a bad situation.

Axel - Can really tell that you’re worried and stressed out, so he might try to make you feel better by making jokes. “Oh, you’re a trans guy? That’s awesome, good thing that I’m bisexual.” You already knew that he liked guys as much as girls, but to see him refer to you as a guy so casually almost makes you cry. Axel is always such a genuine boyfriend, so it’s reassuring to know that he cares about you that much.

Demyx - All but... kind of bursts into tears?? Surprise, surprise, Demyx is also trans. It explains a lot about his attitude and personality in general and you’re happy to share your stories with each other. He’s ready to support you and give information to anyone who doesn’t quite understand your experience. He knows it will take you a while to steady yourself physically and emotionally, so he’s ready to field any questions or concerns to make sure that you aren’t stressed out.

Luxord - Always knew that there was something special about you and now he knows what it is. Smug as hell, not because of your situation, but because he knew there was something off about you - but now that you’ve told him you’re transgender, he hopes that you trust him enough to show him the real you. He’s so proud of you and happy that you were brave enough to share this with him.

Marluxia - Kind of already had an idea that you weren’t quite comfortable with yourself, so Marluxia isn’t surprised when you tell him that you’re transgender. The gender of your body didn’t quite match with the gender of your mind, and reassures you that this is common and fine! You’re allowed to feel this way and you can do what you can to be comfortable with yourself.

Larxene - Larxene literally doesn’t care - you know what, if you’re happy and this is who you are then okay??? She doesn’t date you because of your genitalia, obviously. She may be tiny and you might be larger than her, but hot damn she will FIGHT anyone that’s rude or prejudiced. Also, shopping trips? She’ll definitely take you to some of her favorite places to get clothes and shoes - and she also won’t complain if you want to have a mani-pedi date.

Roxas - has literally no idea what’s going on, but damn he’s ready to SUPPORT. It takes him a while to understand the logistics of being trans, but he’s horrified that you spent so much time not being able to be who you actually are. He’ll have a lot of questions, so just be ready to be patient with it. He doesn’t want to upset or insult you, but it will take a bit before his ignorance becomes knowledge - when that happens, he’ll be happy to help everyone else understand your situation.

Xion - Your number one cheerleader and support system, without a doubt. By your side through hormone therapy if you’re able to take that route, ready to hold your hand before and after top/bottom surgery, basically just ready to help you with anything. Wants you to feel good about yourself because she knows how amazing and wonderful you are - the rest of the world needs to know it, too!

[tiptapricot]

tiptop. can i have ur hcs......... abt um..... oh god i didn’t think this far ahead. um. oh god ohfuck all i can think of is steve rogers and bucky barnes NO um. um um. uhhhh RUFUS! can i have ur HCs abt rufus?

Absolutely my good sir

He wants to be a rockstar growing up, as most people in BnT’s future do, but his band never quite gets off the ground

They still have fun though! They release a couple albums and have some local tours, and Rufus still has all their merch years later

He eventually gets a job as as a history teacher at BnTU

Death and brief drinking mentions under cut

He starts research on the Great Ones and stumbles upon a huge discovery while looking over some archived documents: the prophecy

He manages to get an audience with The Three Most Important People In The World and explains his findings

They take him on as a historical advisor, and assign him the job of righting any errors that might pop up in the timeline of the Great Ones, including several key junctures Rufus has mapped out for them

Eventually he gets married to one of his colleagues from the university, a woman he’s known for a few years while working there, and they have Kelly a year or so later

Rufus jams with her as a baby, playing bits of his old songs and classic WS ones, and she loves it

Rufus and his wife have another kid together when Kelly is four, but unfortunately get divorced shortly after. His wife just never quite got him, didn’t understand his passion for the Great Ones or music in the same way he did, and it lead to too much strain in their marriage

They have shared custody of their kids and stay on good terms, just slightly distant

In general he’s a very good father, he loves explaining history to his kids and teaching them about music theory, and he’s weak for them. Doesn’t matter if he’s in the middle of writing up a new lesson plan or trying to work out the best times to pull people from history for classes, if his kids want to listen to Those Who Rock again who is he to deny them?

He’s very meticulous about his beard and sings in the shower

Dad clothes to the max but in a futuristic way (Think BJ style chunky foam crocs 👁👁)

Doesn’t intend for the Great Ones to become his kids, but what’s he gonna do about it?

He gives Bill hormone patches after the events of EA, the special cool future kind that are easy to hide and work fast (ppl in present day who don’t know he’s trans just think he finally hits puberty)

He also brings Bill to the future for top surgery when he’s ready, because it’s free there and a lot safer

He’s very happy when BnT and Kelly and her sib become friends, BnT make great older bros

They visit when they can to say hi, quick drop ins to check in and make sure everything is rolling smoothly

He cries at the battle of the bands, and goes home to watch the archived tape over and over. He’s so proud of BnT

He babysits Billie and Thea if needed, and is unsurprisingly an awesome grandpa as well

He’s more tired than he lets on sometimes. He comes home late a lot from the university and dozes off on the couch before he gets to bed. He never lets it make him snappy though, he’s always big smiles and gentle words

Caffeine gives him a headache, so he sticks to decaf teas, his favorite being ginger with sugar and lime juice

He has a very mellow laugh, but it still comes from his chest, warm and deep

He’s left handed

He never swears around his kids or grandkids and always uses filler swears, like gosh darnit, holy cats, what the fudge, and so on

Technically canon according to the cartoon but he doesn’t know how to drive

He has a sunglasses collection

He cries when BnT ask him to officiate their wedding and cries even harder at the actual ceremony

He’s a sappy drunk, blubbering about how much he loves his kids and how proud he is and everything (he’s not allowed to drink champagne after the wedding)

He’s a very protective dad, and has sent several strongly worded letters to Kelly’s exes over the years

He’s a great cook, and likes to hum while he makes meals for people

He prefers savory over sweet, and his favorite food is homemade macaroni, the kind baked in the oven with extra cheese and breadcrumbs layered on top

He dies in his sleep of old age, satisfied with his life

Headcanons masterpost

[theflannelwizard]

Gumball Watterson

yes!!! thanks for the ask!

gender- i like to think of gumball as some form of genderfluid or nonbinary! he talks about feeling like/wanting to be a woman kind of a lot, and he likes wearing dresses and presenting pretty femme, but he also seems self conscious about his hips and sometimes pushes to be seen as tough or masculine... so i like to think as he grows up he realises he doesn’t have to be a man at all times, but he also doesn’t have to be binary trans!

sexuality- gumball is bi, no question

OTP- i may be in the minority here, but i actually love his relationship with penny! they’re both so clearly head over heels for each other, and i will admit that in the later seasons the relationship got more strained, but i just think they’re super cute. i know a lot of ppl on tumblr ship rob with gumball, and i can absolutely see why. that relationship could be really interesting and fulfilling if enough work and thought was put into it! if you want to try to sell me on it, my inbox and messages are open! but i really do love penny and gumball, especially given how innocent and sweet it is. it might not be endgame, but it’s exactly what both of them want as clumsy awkward middle schoolers.

BroTP- DARWIN DARWIN DARWIN!!!!!!!!! these two have one of the best sibling/best friend relationships i have EVER seen in a piece of media, and i absolutely love it!! there’s not too much to elaborate on here, the show kinda does it all for me, but i do like to think that as they get older and more mature, they stay just as close but darwin becomes more of gumball’s equal and less of his sidekick. they also become closer with anaïs, and her brains make their schemes foolproof! she does keep them in check, though- anaïs has never been one to shy away from being the voice of reason, even if it comes off as nagging.

NoTP- darwin. i hate seeing what is canonically a wonderful sibling relationship turned romantic. these two are siblings!!! adopted kids are just as much a part of their family as biological ones are!! and gumball and darwin’s relationship is strictly platonic!

A fun dynamic they would have- the one drawback of gumball and darwin being so close is neither of them really has any other close friends. i would love to see gumball become closer friends with teri! she’s so cautious and nervous, and gumball often acts without thinking, so they would hopefully balance each other out! she would encourage gumball to wash his hands, generally be more clean, and put more thought into his actions, and he could help teri loosen up a little and not live in fear. i also think he could have an awesome bond with nonbinary gay icon leslie, who definitely came out before gumball did and could help him navigate the lgbt community and come to terms with his own identity :) gumball isn’t a stereotypical sassy gay in the same way leslie is, but there’s no denying he loves drama and being a hero, so they could hang out with masami and gossip. leslie teaches gumball about makeup and fashion, and gumball is a true friend to leslie, always ready to listen or exact some form of meddling or revenge. ooh, and it would be fun to see gumball and carrie as closer friends! it’s canon that he sometimes hangs out with her and goes to her parties, and he’s probably more daring than darwin even into their teens and young adulthood, so he does things that darwin isn’t quite ready to try. seeing that gumball did it safely gives darwin the courage to try new and daring things with his girlfriend, and gumball often ends up comfortably third wheeling or taking penny along for a double date.

Any other fun headcanons or things i wanted to elaborate on- gumball is an adhd icon! he’s not stupid, he just isn’t given the accommodations he needs! he’s also incredibly creative, brave, and resourceful! i love this boy, even if he can be insensitive or a little too quick to act.

[sophiexteresa]

Thomas Sanders Instagram Q&A Transcript

From @thatsthat24’s Instagram story, 25/8/2020. Questions in bold. Text added to the story in (parenthesis/brackets), and descriptive info in *italics*. I tried uploading the video(s) too, but Tumblr is having issues, so here’s the transcript only! 

Thomas: I had some time this evening so I figured, hey, why not? Another lil’ Q an’ A, so if you want to ask a question *posh French voice* be my guest!

When approximately will the next sanders sides be out? Very good question! Uh, we are aiming this for a late September release, that’s what we’re all working towards.

Favourite musical you have been in or just favourite musical in general? This is really tough, I can’t decide. I’m between Rent where I was in the ensemble, Peter Pan where I played Slightly Soiled, which was just one of the lost boyos — boyos? Boys — and, uh, Into The Woods where I played Cinderella’s prince and that’s where Roman’s first costume came from.

Are you ever gonna due your hair purple again? I loved it! Yes! I miss the purple hair too.

Do you love me? *laughing* Yes of course! I do love me.

What would each of the sides’ reaction be to seeing the Grand Canyon? *speaking very quickly* Roman would be revelling that we made the journey, Patton would be marvelling at the memories being made, Logan would be telling you to look at these fascinating signs for important information, Virgil would be telling you to ‘get back from those cliffs!’, Janus would be telling you to take pictures to make it look like you’re next to the cliff, ‘for clout’, and Remus would be like *Remus voice* ‘you could push somebody and get away with it’.

Also when will we get more Picani, I miss him? You and me both, Bri, and honestly with the amount of amazing cartoons that have come out recently *sighs while smiling* yeah, I am a-hankering (?) to get back to Emile!

How have you been doing, like really? Mental health is important as you teach us: I feel like everybody’s kinda struggling with mental health right now, especially people in the USA with COVID. Uhm *clears throat* for me I continuously struggle with the balance between work and leisure time, um, social media makes that difficult, blurs the lines, and I’m working on it.

Do you have any tattoos? Umm, I don’t, uh, I struggle with the permanence of tattoos. And like do I, can I, make a decision that I like? But! There are tattoos that I might like. Where I’d put them, I have no idea, umm, but I think like, maybe like, little stars!

What rank of “Gay” are you? Big gay? What rank? *speechless pause* uh... General. You know? I wanna do my duty. Come back a hero. An all-American Queero *gets an idea* *roughly quoting Hamilton* Queer comes the General!

Can you please make Logan day something Patton would say? *Logan’s voice* Something Patton would say? Umm... please, I request more baked goods from the kitchen so that I can fill Thomas’s body with more trans-fats at 3 am. I don’t know, I don’t like this game.

Have you ever dated a girl? *awkward silence* I have. It was pretty uneventful.

Do you miss your friends? *laughs* Oh... *face crumples as if he’s about to cry*

What are you voice acting in or are you now allowed to say? Not until tomorrow.

When did you know you were gay? I think I answered this one on the last Q&A, but it was early. I was like, 9 or 10 at least.

When will we see Gavin? Gavin has started school! He’s back in his hometown, so I don’t know when I’m gonna see him. He’s still getting taller — I can actually include a picture of him that his mom sent me after he got a new little hairdo *insert photo of an awesome Gavin here*

Do you miss vine? For like, sentimental reasons, yes. Uh, I mean, technically it had its issues and I don’t miss being restricted to 6 seconds anymore *laughs*

What has been your favourite part of the day? My favourite part of today was actually... I came up with this last minute short video, and I got it done and I sent it to some friends and they really liked it. I have to save it until Thursday thought, but it’s just nice to come up with stuff that makes your friends laugh.

Janus acting like Remus? *Remus’ voice* Remus here! Looks like the Dukey just dropped in! *Remus’ laugh* *Takes a breath and snaps into Janus’ character* I spend a lot of time with him so I’ve had a lot of practise.

Why do I feel like we’re gonna have another angsty Virgil moment? When is Virgil not being angsty...?

Please can you say trans rights? Uh, heck yah trans rights! I, uh, this one was very simple but I wanted to say it!

Do you think Virgil would be into anime? Actually, if you remember from, uh, Accepting Anxiety, uh, part 2, there’s actually a Death Note poster in his room, so he definitely likes some anime.

Hi! Can you say hola to the Hispanic fanders in el vecindario fander? Please? We love you! Oh my gosh, *a very naturally american pronunciation* hola! that’s very kind of you guys. I appreciate all of the support you guys give, and I love all of you guys. 

STORYTIME! I love you: *upbeat voice* Storytime! I love you back.

How gay are you? Like, 15 gay! I rank General! 

How did you end up meeting and babysitting Gavin? Gavin is actually Leo’s nephew, so he would come up here, uh, during the holidays or during the summer, and alternate being baby-sat between me and Leo’s mom - his grandma.

What was the inspo for Janus’ outfit? Ooh, that’s a really good question, uh... Joan had a vision in their mind for almost kind of like this early 20th century or late 19th century kinda Jack the Ripper vibe.

Any advice for gaybies to fit in with society? Don’t apologise for being yourself. If people have an issue, that’s their issue that they have to work through. Do not apologise for being yourself. 

What type of gay are you? (Math gay, plant gay, caffine gay, etc): Wait, there’s such thing as a math gay? I am absolutely that, and I feel like I’m just gonna be naming traits about myself but I’m a trivia gay, a driving gay, apparently a math gay, a Disney gay *laughs* and a theatre gay.

Not a question but I’m glad to be alive at the same time as someone as great as you: Dude, this stuff is really sweet. *laughs* That’s really sweet, umm, trust me, I feel the same way about all of you. Honestly.

Why don’t you own a doggo yet? I... went to Petsmart today - I didn’t get an animal, but like... I’m thinking about it and this question is like... hmmm...

I’ve run out of cartoons to watch, any recommendations? Owl house! Owl house, owl house. I just tried it, and I immediately got hooked. Infinity train’s also a really good one, duck tales is amazing, and I’m getting ready to start Tangled: the animated series, so *shrugs*.

What is Patton’s opinion on rats? *adorable Patton voice, slowly zooming in on his face* They are tiny little squishy precious babies!!!

How do I ask people for their pronouns? I don’t know, I mean, I don’t think it’s like a big deal? I hope we could get to the point where we could just be like ‘what are your pronouns?’ and then they would tell you, and then you’d just, you know, carry on the rest of your conversation. 

A circle has no bounds and it’s the same with your beauty: This is really precious, and it of course came from Nash (?) who is a poet, he published a lot of wonderful, wonderful poems on twitter, they are are amazing, and you are once again far too sweet, Nash. 

Dream role? This is a pretty broad question, so maybe dream theatrical role would be Sweeny Todd, dream movie role would be anything in the marvel universe, uh, really just give me anything in any voice acting role, *smiling mischievously* egg rolls are also really good.

Can Remus please say ‘I am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand’? *Remus voice* I am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand! (love that vine)

Are there still plans for the Roman series? *nods* Oh, yeah, yeah, it was definitely hindered by COVID, uh, as was this Sanders Asides episode that’s coming up, which is why it’s taking longer in the editing stage, it is our, uh... strategy, for circumventing the obstacle, and we hope you like it.

Are we still getting an August playlist? Uh, heck yah you are! But honestly, actually, if you guys have any suggestions I should include in the playlist, lemme know! I’d be happy to get some suggestions - but yes. You will be definitely getting one.

May I please see your feet? *confused, slightly disgusted expression* *begins to move the camera away from his face* *holds up a tape measure, extended to 1 foot long* *grins*

Any shows on Netflix to recommend? Umbrella Academy is really good, Dragon Prince, uh, She-Ra, of course, umm The Hollow (?) is really cool, there’s a documentary about video games called High Score, that was really fun.

Roman, who would you say the gayest side is? *Roman’s voice* Oh, we’re all equally gay, okay? *chuckles* it’s a sexuality, not a personality trait. *takes a breath and speaks quickly* I’m just kidding it’s *sings* meeeeee!

If you were not a YouTuber, what would you see yourself doing and why? Uh, maybe putting my chemical engineering degree to some use. *laughs awkwardly* Uh, I went to school for 5 years for that one.

Like you literally make me so flipping happy: I’m glad! I don’t know what I’m doing to do that, but the feeling is absolutely mutual. 

Can we have Virgil saying “Falsehood”? *hair already over one eye, in Virgil’s voice* Uh, c’mon, okay, sure. *very quietly and unenthusiastically* falsehood. Is that good? Is that? I don’t know, I don’t wanna steal his bit.

Which Sanders Side do you feel you embody most? Ah, I would probably say it’s either Patton or Roman because Patton can be definitely me, all the time, just really enthusiastic about things and finding things cute, but Roman... Roman’s sensitivity, oh. That’s me. 

What was the first job you had? I actually worked as a page in a library! A- pages basically just kinda like, shelve books, check books out; it’s one of the chillest jobs I’ve ever had, one of my favourites, and my dad always had a lovely dad joke for it: ‘you’re working as a page, when do you get promoted to a book?’

How tall are you? I usually say 5ft 10, but I think I’m trying to be a little more realistic with myself. And I’m probably 5ft 9 and a half. *zooms in on his face, staring into the camera* I’m holding onto that half a foot for all dear life. 

DROP THE SKIN ROUTINE PLEASE! This is very sweet, uh, I, *laughs nervously*, uh, I use Curology? They’re very nice. Umm, just... different kinds of lotion, I guess. (I suppose I should write down what I do lol)

Can we get a FALSEHOOD? *is standing* *clears throat* *points upwards from his eyeline* FALSEHOOD! 

Do you have a boyfriend if not are you planning on dating soon? I do not, uh, dating is kinda difficult right now midst COVID, you know, kinda tough... love... in the time of Corona... umm, but, you know, option’s open.

When was your first kiss? I’m sure I’ve answered this somewhere, it was in high school, I might have been 15 or 16. It was with a girl. *Shakes head* And all I can remember is hitting teeth. A lot.

Can we get a super super vague hint about the new Asides episode?  Alright, I’m getting ready to end the Q&A, so this, you know, if you’ve made it so far you deserve this super vague answer, umm... it includes a side that was not in the last episode. (This isn’t much, I apologise lol)

Thomas: And that is it for this evening! Thank you so much, you guys, for watching. I know some of you are still over in Europe watching and it’s like 4 in the morning, and I need to go to bed so thank you all so much for your questions - I gotta do this more often ‘cause I really enjoy it. Love you guys, gals, and non-binary pals. Peace out!

[madi2112]

Sunshine and Lolipops

I sincerely wish that this blogairy had a more positive tone. Especially lately.

I wish it was filled more often with uplifting stories of fun and good times. Of sharing pictures and feelings about beautiful places, wonderful people and special events.

I truly do.

Unfortunately, that's not the way things are most of the time right now.

Sure, I could only choose to write about the positives but that would be disingenuous if that's not what I'm actually feeling.

And being open and honest is the most important part of this blogairy.

So if negative is what my mindset is at the time, then that's what I will share.

If it's positive then I will share that as well.

What happened today was an example of a wonderfully positive experience.

It was totally unexpected and deeply effected me. For all the right reasons.

I hope I can do the situation justice...

It was a busy day at work and I wasn't scheduled to train any new Castmembers.

This meant that I would be performing the regular day in, day out duties that I usually teach others, myself.

My least favorite thing to do.

I had just returned from my lunch break and was on my way through the restaurant to attend a quick meeting.

Suddenly a tall teenage woman was standing in front of me and asked me by name if she could talk to me.

It caught me by surprise.

Both in the fact that a guest had requested to speak with me, but also that they called me by name.

I smiled and said "Sure. How can I assist you today?" My standard greeting.

I could see the guest was hesitant, bordering on shy and looked uneasy.

A soft voice said.

"I'm like you" she was almost whispering.

"Your the first person I've seen like me, and it feels so great to know I'm not alone".

I gasped.

"Your trans?" I questioned

"Yea" she replied.

She was only slightly shorter then I am. Making her about 5'11" or maybe 6' (to my 6'4")

I had to take a second look at her.

"Really?! You look fantastic!"

She tanked me and told me about how at school she knew a couple of non- binary people but no one else transgender.

She then said she was proud of me, thought it was awesome I worked at Disney and that I was an inspiration to her.

I was speechless.

I was getting a bit unsettled about discussing this in the middle of a crowded restaurant. I'm pretty sure she was too.

"Would you like to find somewhere else we can talk?" I asked her.

"Definitely!" She replied.

I lead her out to the lobby and back to a quite corner where no was within 15 feet.

I asked her how transition was going and how long she had been at it.

She was eager to share the details with me.

She had started young at age 8 and had been on HRT for 9 years already!

She was on puberty blockers and Estrogen and was so happy she found someone to talk to about it.

I asked her if she had documented her transition.

She has written poetry about it!

I was having difficulties putting sentences togather by now as I was getting overcome by emotions. I wish I could have pulled it togather and made better conversation, but I was doing all I could not to cry right then.

She continued to complement me and I tried to keep the focus on her.

We talked a little while longer and she introduced me to her sister.

It melted my heart and I was so happy and relieved knowing she had support from her family.

She thanked me again for being me and I blushed and wished her all the best.

I wanted to give her something to remember our conversation by. All I had in my pocket was a few kids stickers of Lady and the Tramp I always have with me. So that's what I gave her.

She held it to her chest and thanked me again.

I ran off to me meeting and tried to stay focused. It wasn't easy.

When the meeting was over I returned to the restaurant and another Castmembers gave me a gift she had left for me as she exited.

It was a character pin.

The character was giving a wink like two people sharing a secret do.

I lost it and starting crying. I regained a bit of composure and excused myself. I stepped out the side door of the restaurant to a place I knew would be secluded.

And let the tears wash over me.

Later as I replayed our conversation in my head I felt bad.

I had told her how to find this blogairy.

This blogairy that contains so much sorrow and pain. So much despair. So much talk of giving up on life.

I'm not sure if she will remember the very brief instructions I told her to find this, but if she does I have a message for her:

Dear V_____ from Tampa,

I want to thank you for mustering up the courage to come talk to me today.

I am honored that you feel inspired in any way by me.

You are a truly fantastic person and your words today moved me more then you could ever possibly know.

You have a terrific future ahead of you and this is only the beginning. You have great support from your loving family, an awesome sister (thank you for introducing me to N___) and a caring boyfriend. All who accept you and love you for who you are. Cherish that forever.

I wish you all the best and hope that you will always be true to yourself.

If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me or come visit me anytime.

Your friend Madison.

I hope she see this. Something in my gut says she will.

~Madison

[evengirlierballs]

OK I just finished Sonic Battle

And I seriously can’t find anyone else talking about this, but if anyone out there reads this and has already came to the same conclusion I did please reach out. Emerl is totally a Metaphor for an abused trans/NB kid.

Hear me Out ok, Like, Emerl is, in the Context of the game, the Gizoid, a robot designed to be a weapon of mass destruction, able to learn anything and to establish a link with someone in order to learn from them. Eggman’s father created Emerl but obviously passed away in the context of SA2, so Eggman tries to reawaken the Gizoid and establish a link with it, he beats and Abuses the robot to try and get it to form a link with him, as by showing it power, he believes he can take control of it, when the robot doesnt respond, refusing to do what he wishes, he dumps it out on the street, no longer bothering to try and raise it. Then Sonic and Co, Discover Emerl, they teach them that they can be their own person, someone who’s getting smarter and happier the more they’re cared for by others, they have both good and bad influences on them over the course of their life, but ulitmately, once they’re fully restored through the power of the 7 chaos emeralds, they are given their ultimate manual override, to bring love and hope to others. The standout stories for this too are obviously Cream and Shadow’s stories. In Cream’s chapter, Emerl gets kidnapped by his abuser, along with cream, and cream tries to show emerl that they dont have to be violent, as up until this point, despite becoming their own person, Violence has been the main way Emerl copes with being the war machine they were built to be. Then Cream and Emerl finally meet with an obstacle they simply CANNOT overcome without violence, and while Emerl has learned that Violence isn’t always required, Cream learns that it’s ok to stand up for others, even if it means doing harm. Emerl learns to work through their trauma with their friends, and Cream learns to stand up for her beliefs through meaningful action. In Shadow’s story, Emerl finally gains all the chaos emeralds, and is about to go haywire and start to spiral, just as they were warned would happen but when they’re told their manual override, they relax, and start acting like normal again, finally moving away from their trauma.

But Finally, in Emerls story, Eggman has decided to go back to his regular scheming, and lures Emerl aboard the death egg so he can essentially reawaken their trauma. He “shows emerl his power” by destroying an entire star system, sending emerl spiraling, beating the shit out of their abuser, and then finally also out of sonic and his found family, before finally stabilizing thanks to their intervention, but by then it’s too late, Emerl has been absorbing so much power from this interaction that they pass away before their time, not ready to go, and trying to look out for their network of friends before shutting down for good.

Emerl’s story is a sad one, its the story of an abused kid, built for a purpose they didn’t want to fulfill, thrown out onto the street and forced to find a new family, does just that, learns to mature and grow with supportive friends who show them a new way of living, a way that doesn’t involve abuse or suffering, while constantly being chased and reminded of their abuser through constant attacks, before finally being driven to go back to settle the score, then being traumatized AGAIN so badly that they spiral into an unhealthy cope, and then pass away due to the harm they did to themselves. I feel that Emerl is unavoidably a message about being trans, about being queer, about finding copes for trauma, and a message that we should, at all costs, never return to the people who abused or traumatized us for any reason, as long as we can avoid it. Emerl is my NB child and hope that even if the writers didn’t intend for this to be the reading of their character, that it still means a lot to me to this day, and i feel like the message really spoke to me even if it’s just my aggressive reading.

Rest in Peace Emerl, maybe one day you’ll get your own awesome trans nb game.

[green-ball-of-trash]

Roman in The Closet by Himself!! Part 1

word count: 2202

ship: Prinxiety, Background Logicality, Background Remile, vaguely mention Demus.

part1/part2/part3/part4/?

WARNINGS: self deprecation, depression, repression, non-censored cursing, the word wh*re is used and it not censored, lgbtq+phobia is mentioned in this chapter but not directed at any of the characters.    

summary: Roman has a rough journey with his sexuality, and his crush on a certain little emo~ 

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   Roman had always been enraptured with the concept of love. He could remember watching Disney movies when he was younger, where the prince rescues the princess and they both live happily ever after. 

    Although, he was never really focused on the princess of the story but more so on they heroic prince. He always thought that Prince Phillip was so much more interesting than Arora, but his little child mind couldn’t understand nor explain why that was. 

   Until he was ten years old~

  He had been looking at Disney videos on his ipad, when he discovered a peculiar video with a rainbow flag in the thumbnail. He thought that all the colors on the flag looked pretty, so he decided to click on it. 

   He heard phrases in the video that he had never heard before, such as; gay, trans, homosexaul, bisexual, pansexual, and so many more and he had absolutely no idea what they meant. Even though he had no clue, he watched the entire video. After the video was over, he got out his red notebook with Disney stickers plastered haphazardly all over the front and back cover. 

  He decided to rewatch the video again and write down any words that he didn’t understand, and look them up after he was finished. Logan is gonna be so proud of me, he had said to himself thinking of his quiet nerdy best friend. 

  He spent the entire day learning things like pride, non-bianary, gender fluid, and more. He felt like he had opened his eyes to a completely new world and he was so excited about it. He had no idea there were so many different types of amazing people. He was so… Excited! 

  His parents were busy with work downstairs, and his brother was over at a friends house so he took it upon himself to spend his entire day learning and watching videos on this community of people. It was impossible to learn everything in a day, but he was determined to try. 

  He listened to and read people’s stories on the internet, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t cry. Why were people so mean to them? He had asked himself, why are there so many mean people in the world? They were just being themselves, why couldn’t people just be proud of them? What Roman didn’t know at the time, is that he would have a few stories of his own like that in the future. 

  A few weeks later, he was on the swings with his best friend Logan. Swinging back and forth with the breeze as they talked about anything and everything, non-sense and Disney, jokes and laughter, serious topics and funny stories, until Roman decided to bring up some of the stuff he had learned to his friend. He kicked his legs back and forth carelessly as he spoke, “hey, Lo?” Logan had looked at him, as Logan wasn’t swinging nearly as much as Roman was but more just drifting to and fro with the wind as he talked with his flamboyant best friend, “yeah Ro?”

Roman grinned for a minute before speaking, “have you heard of LGBTQ+?”

Logan had nodded at his question, “yeah, my dads talk about it all the time.” He said in a nonchalant manner. Roman groaned, frustrated “AWWW, I thought I learned about something that you didn’t..” Roman stopped his swinging, skidding his bright red shoes across the ground to stop himself.

 Logan chuckled and pushes up his glasses, “sorry Ro, but I know everything.” 

  Roman stared at Logan throwing his hands about as he spoke, “that's not fair.” he said the last word dragging it out like it was the end of the world. 

  Roman had met Logan’s dads before, yet he never knew what LQBTQ+ meant and he didn’t know that a lot of people thought it was a bad thing. He thought it was awesome that Logan’s dads loved each other, even before he knew that they loved each other if that made any sense. To Roman it made complete sense in his ten year old mind.

  Roman then got an idea, “Hey Logan, there was some things I didn’t understand when I was lookin’ up stuff about it. Do you think you could answer some of my questions?”

Logan looked a little excited to teach Roman, and they spent the rest of the time on the swings not swinging but talking. Talking about something that would be very important to them one day. 

  7 years later~ 

  Roman was seventeen, and he was the most popular kid in his highschool, everyone had taken a liking to his outgoing nature. His best friends Logan, Patton, and Virgil were popular right along with him. There was only one thing that bothered Roman, his sexuality. He was terrified, from the bottom of his heart he was terrified because ne knew that he was not straight in any sense of the term. He was as curved as a rollercoaster and the ride made him feel woozy and nauseous.

     He knew that the vast majority of his school would hate him for being the way he was, so you know what he did? Like the scared little closeted boy he was he ran into the deepest corner of that closet and hid like a little toddler in hide and seek, only he wasn’t a toddler and this wasn’t hide and seek, this was hide for your life. At least that was what it had felt like to him. 

  He knew that his friend would accept him, since Patton had come out to them in freshman year as Pan to him, Logan, and Virgil, it had lead to Logan coming out to them as gay demisexual, and then a year later in there sophmore Virgil coming out to them as gay. They promised to support each other and never ever tell anyone else. It was like their own little pride group, only Roman was an ally… Or so the others had thought.

       Roman knew that they would accept him. Of all people who knew that he could come out to them, and it was okay. But his heart leapt up into his throat and his knees buckled and the mere thought of it. He could just imagine their judgemental glances, thinking he was only saying it because he wanted to feel included, “you’re not really gay.” He would imagine them saying, “are you doing this for attention?” “if you were gay then why have you been telling us about all your straight crushes for years?” He had made up crushes to stay in the closet “you’re so dramatic! Just shut up and we can forget you even tried to pull off this whole charade.” 

   I part of him knew they would never do that, but it was a very small part of him, it was like a tiny ball of light shining in the darkness of self deprecation that he had created within himself. He pretended to be so confident, he was a great actor ‘but that was the only thing he was great at’ He would say to himself like a father scolding a child for doing something wrong, only the child was priding within himself and the father was a cold old man with no joy and wanted his son to live a dry cold life never thinking higher than an inch of himself. 

“Princey? You okay there?...” he hadn’t noticed that he had started to zone out with another one of his spirals into the dark clouded space that was his mind. ‘No’ he said to himself and only himself. Virgil would think he was such an attention seeking whore if he ever told him anything that went on in his head, “I’m fit as a fiddle Hottopic, sorry I zoned out, I was just thinking about Valerie. Her hair looked so pretty today.” He said with a smile that didn’t seem to reach his eyes. Valerie was amazing, she was really fun to hang out with and yes her hair actually did look pretty today but to Roman he felt nothing but platonic love for her. And when he would pretend to have a crush on her, especially to one of his best friends….. He felt as though someone was stabbing a knife into his heart, his weak little heart that throbbed at anything and everything. He was so weak he would tell himself. His heart was a bruised and pin pricked as a baby rabbit that got into a fight with a porcupine, and oh how his heart loved to jump and do summersaults like the little rabbit it was in the presence of the emo sitting next to him.   

  But the thing was it hurt so so much worse when he lied to Virgil. Virgil was so caring, he was kind to all of them, and he loved hanging out with him. Virgil was just so funny, and cute, and smart, and handsome, and- he stopped his thoughts, halting them and pushing them as far back into his mind as they would go. It was getting a lot harder to get rid of them lately. Virgil got a sad sort of look in his eyes but Roman didn’t notice, he was to busy gay panicing. “Thats sweet Roman. You two would be cute together ...” Virgil trailed off, sort of spacing out himself as Roman had just a few moments ago. 

  Roman clapped his hands together and stood up with a plastered smile on his face, startling Virgil almost knocking him off the bench that they had been sitting on. They were at the park, just talking. Roman turned toward Virgil and uttered a quick apology before spilling his idea to his monochromatic friend, “We should go get ice cream!!” Virgil chuckled at Roman’s excitement, and blushed under his porcelain foundation, “sure thing, if you promise to stop yelling” Virgil pulled on his hoodie strings, “people are starting to stare.” he said the last part with breathless sort of panicked whisper only loud enough just for Roman to catch it. 

   They spent the rest of the day just walking around town, laughing and enjoying the company of one another. Roman’s little heart jumped into his throat everytime he heard that beautiful laugh of Virgil’s, it was like looking at the sky and letting the sun hit your face. You can’t open your eyes and look directly at it though, because you might go blind at its unending beauty. Even if Virgil didn’t think so, he was the sun, the moon, the stars, and the clouds all bundled up in one amazing person and oh how he shined. 

     He was always there when you needed him and he was the most hard working person Roman knew, even if Virgil ran into days where he couldn’t even speak because of his anxiety disorder Roman thought he was so strong to have even got out of bed on those days. And he made sure to tell Virgil how strong he was everyday, and if Virgil couldn’t find his voice that day. Roman would speak for him to faceless strangers at school who wanted to speak with Virgil, although Logan and Patton would do that as well, it seemed to have affected Virgil more when Roman did it. It made Virgil feel warm and gooey on the inside, feelings that someone with a hard emo persona like his should never let themselves have but he had them and he loved how they made him feel. But he could never feel that about Roman, because Roman would never feel that way about him and that wasn’t something that he could change and that was just the way the world had to fuck him over.

  The universe had made a little emo gay boy who was obsessed with My Chemical Romance and black eyeshadow, fall in love with his straight best friend. What a painful story trope. Only his best friend wasn’t actually straight, a fact that he was oblivious to, and this wasn’t a cheesy romance story this was their lives. Virgil looked down at hits ice cream, enjoying the treat quietly as he listened to Roman gush and rant about Hamilton or whatever musical he had decided to talk about. 

They had arrived at Virgil’s house and said their goodbyes, with halfwitted insults with no venom in the words. It was their usual routine and they were both content with the way their relationship was. But they were just content, both of them wanted more but they would never admit that to themselves or each other. Roman walked home, with everything swirling around in his head and he laughed with a sort of dark emptiness. What a day.

To be continued~ 

OH MY GOSH THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE!!! Idk how much fun it was to read or how many people will actually read it, but I hope at least a few people enjoy it. this first part was out earlier than I had expected! When I get the next part out then I will link it on this part and tag anyone who wants to know when it comes out. I hope you enjoyed~ my friend that pitched me some ideas: @akane-mukami she is amazing and beautiful please go show her some love!

taglist:

@mostpeopleannoyne 

@www-dot-ohshit-dot-com 

@icequeenoriginal

@espepspes 

@rats-this-username-is-taken

Green~~

[your-hurricane]

neon moon || chapter 1 - broadcast me a joyful noise unto the times

A/N:  Disclaimer, I haven’t written fanfic since I was fourteen so please be gentle with me, friends

AO3 link

Fair warning that the only editing this has gone through has been proofreading!

Also, the first two chapters are largely exposition and setting up the various connections between Frankie and the MC (Natalia), but they will finally get to meet in chapter three!

Neon Moon summary: [starts three years after the events of the movie]

Single dad Francisco "Frankie" Morales and former Ph.D candidate Natalia Yevstigneyev-Diaz are trying their best. 

Alternatively: Frankie and the woman about to change his life keep missing each other, until they don't.

“Whoo-wee! Nice one, Diaz!” Benny said from where he’d just been knocked onto his back atop the sparring mats. 

 At her instructor’s praise, Natalia Diaz preened, making a show of taking her long dark wavy-curls out of her workout ponytail and flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Thank you, thank you, always happy to hear my badassery is increasing.”

 “I’d say perfecting. That was solid.”

 “Yeah, haven’t seen him go down that unexpectedly probably ever,” piped up a man with big, kind brown eyes whose name Natalia swore was Frankie. She’d only ever heard him called by his real name once or twice --- Benny usually greeted him as Fish.

 If Frankie was here, that meant the rest of Benny Miller’s military buddies would be trickling into the gym. Pity they seemed to be on time today— flipping Benny was fun, maybe he’d’ve given her a window to do it again. Sometimes if his buddies ran late he’d keep sparring with her past the self-defense session she’d paid for. 

 “It’s thanks to him and his lessons! Wouldn’t know where to begin without him.” Natalia hi-fived Benny from where he was on the floor, now sitting. “Thanks as always, Benny. See you Friday afternoon?”

 “Hell yeah!”

 “Awesome. Well, I’ll get out of your hair before the rest of the guys show up. Later Benny!” She nodded politely to Frankie just as she spotted the man she knew to be Benny’s older brother and...Pope? Santiago? again, she’d only run into these men in passing.

  ~.*~.*~.*~.*

Natalia Diaz’s early life read like an adventure, and in many ways, it had been. Her mother, Anna Diaz, was a first generation Mexican-American of Spanish, Mixtec, and Chinese background who met her father, then in medical school, while studying abroad in Russia. Her father, Gavril Yevstigneyev, was from Yakutsk of mixed Russian, Yakut, and Chuvash background. He was a doctor who gave up the possibility of an ultra-lucrative career to spend most of his life working as a medical officer in human rights organizations, and she was a research assistant in those same organizations.

 Born while her father was practicing in St. Petersburg, Natalia Gavrilovna Yevstigneyeva Diaz didn’t spend too long in one place. She may have been a dual citizen of the United States and Russia but she didn’t set foot in the United States until she was twelve years old, and her earliest concept of ‘home’ was Pakse, Laos. She was educated at international schools across Southeast Asia, and spoke Lao, Khmer, and Vietnamese in daily life depending on where the Yevstigneyev family was living, Russian at home, learned English and French at school, and her mother taught her enough Spanish to understand her abuela’s English-Spanish mix on birthday and Christmas phone calls.

 When it came time to graduate from secondary school - she graduated in Laos, ultimately  - she even applied to universities across Laos, Canada, Cambodia, France, The United States, Switzerland, China, Singapore, Australia, and Russia. At her parents’ insistence she cast her net far and wide. Except, with twenty-two acceptance letters and zero rejections, she almost wished she hadn’t.

 She studied at McGill University and through a combination of scholarships, her parents’ help, and her “waitressing” job (stripping job actually, and Natalia was damn proud of it and the crazy money it made, but knew her parents would flip out on her so she lied), she earned her B.A.s in linguistics with a minor in translation and interpretation, and anthropology.

 She had her pick of the litter as far as where she could settle post-grad: her dual citizenship made the US and Russia wide open to her, Canadian employers were offering to keep her in Canada, her parents still lived in Laos - six years in one place? That was a record for her folks! - and the NGO they were working for straight up offered her a job without her even sending an application. 

 There wasn’t a grad school on planet Earth that would’ve rejected her application.

 Natalia’s life should have been set forever. For a while, it was.

 After a gap year traveling Bhutan, Thailand, Indonesia, Mongolia, and completing the Trans-Siberian railway with her younger sister Mariya, who took a gap year between secondary school and university herself, Natalia prepared to conquer grad school….at motherfucking Yale!

 That same year, her parents and younger siblings (save Mariya who was studying at Yakutsk State University in their father’s home Russian Republic of Yakutia) moved to her mother’s home state of Texas. A part of Natalia felt bad for her eleven year old sister and the three year old twins out of some sense that her upbringing had been, objectively, the best possible. Natalia did not feel Russian, or Mexican, or American, or Laotian, or Cambodian, or Vietnamese, nor did she feel the need to. Borders were an arbitrary thing. People were people just with different languages, looks, and customs, and she believed she came to know that truth early in life because of her childhood as a third culture kid. 

 She understood why her parents made that decision though.

 In her first year of grad school, the Yevstigneyev Diaz siblings were twenty-two year old Natalia, nineteen-year-old Mariya, eleven-year-old Valentina, and two-year-old Alisa and her twin brother, the only boy in the family, Pavel. Alisa had been born partially deaf and their parents, as if they could react any other way, saw it not as a terrible thing to mourn over but as an opportunity to learn. A challenge did not equal a burden in their eyes. When she was two, however, they realized they needed to either move back to Russia or move to the United States.

 The Yevstigneyevs primarily worked and lived in Vietnam and Laos, and there was no singular Laotian or Vietnamese sign language, rather, localized sign languages. As Alisa grew from an infant to a toddler they decided they did not want to deprive her of Deaf culture, and thus, the decision to move to Texas was made.

 Just two years after relocating to Texas, tragedy struck the family.

 A car speeding through a red light killed Anna and Gavril on the way home from volunteering their time to teach Russian classes at the local Russian cultural center. Natalia, then twenty-four years old with a newly minted Masters from Yale and acceptances to three Ph.D programs, had to force out emails declining the offers, pack up her apartment, and move to Texas to raise her siblings.

 Abuela Rita instinctively offered to handle her grandchildren, but Natalia couldn’t possibly make her abuela (who she barely knew at that) raise three children again. Besides, her mother’s youngest sister still lived at home, and this was the same year Hurricane Harvey destroyed one of her uncle’s homes and he, his wife, and their children were also living in Abuela’s home...yeah, no. No, this had to be Natalia.

 It was Natalia or the state of Texas and like hell she was going to throw her three little siblings, two of them just four, and one of them deaf,  into the system. Alisa being able to communicate in ASL was so important to her parents...how could Natalia possibly let Alisa go into a system that wouldn’t care?

 And anyway, it wasn’t so bad. She used her fluency in Russian, Lao, Khmer, and French to work as a book translator. She’d even gone back to dancing four days a week for two reasons. A. You’d think speaking five languages fluently would mean she was making an assload of money, right? Wrong. and B. The inheritance and life insurance policies from her parents wouldn’t last forever and she had four college educations to finance. 

That was three years ago, and two and a half years before she started taking self-defense classes from Benny Miller. She’d only been working at an Austin strip club for about four months when one handsy patron reminded her that she needed a refresher on how to throw a punch.

 As for why she was Natalia Diaz now and not Natalia Yevstigneyeva? Well. She was still Natalia Yevstigneyeva-Diaz, but unless she was filling out legal papers, or at the Russian cultural center, it was just Diaz. Her mother’s last name was just easier for Austinites to pronounce right. You had to be at least a level six friend to unlock her tragic backstory and her full last name.

 Natalia had had everything going for her until one drunk driver took her parents, her Ph.D goals, her planned return to traveling the world, and even her name in one instant. 

 She wished she had it in her to be bitter but that would require her to have time to think about herself anymore. If it wasn’t taking ASL classes with Alisa, it was listening to Mariya complain about her job. If it wasn’t Valentina’s archery competitions, it was Pavel’s gymnastics meets. 

 (Yes, yes, she knew. How stereotypically Russian of them to have a kid in competitive gymnastics. It wasn’t her idea! Pavel loved it and when he begged his big sister to be allowed more than one class a week...she dared anybody to say no to that face.)

Any Natalia time she did have was too precious to spend being bitter, she decided.

   ~.*~.*~.*~.*

“Natasha! Nataaaaaaaasha….NATASHA!” 

 “Wha!” Thud! “Fuck. Oww.”

 Natalia groaned from where she’d fallen into a startled pile on the living room floor, staring up at the ceiling and turned her head to shoot a glare at Mariya.

 “Marusya, one day, you’re going to scare me awake to actual death.”

 “That’s impossible.” Valentina said from where she sat at the dining table typing up a paper for school. “If you’re scared to literal death you can’t be scared awake because you’ll be dead. Dead people can’t be awake.”

 “Unless she’s a zombie, Valya!” Shouted Pavel from his room down the hall.

 “Pasha’s got a point.” Mariya said, to which Natalia grabbed her foot and yanked hard, making her shriek as she fell against the couch. “Oof. Anyway, you’re going to be late for work if you don’t hurry up.”

 Natalia checked her watch and let out a swear under her breath. “I really need to not spar with Benny on work nights. Hey, Valya-” she sat up on the floor and whirled around to face her middle sister. “Do I need to drop you off for babysitting anywhere tonight?”

 Valentina shook her head. “Abuela’s picking me up to take me to Mr. Morales’. I’m watching Daniela.” Mr. Morales - whoever that was - lived near Abuela and her taking Valentina to his house gave her some ‘Valone time’ she liked to say.

 Natalia peeled herself off the floor and made her way to her bedroom, stopping by Alisa’s on the way. She grabbed the purple narwhal plushie that lived in a little basket attached to her door - the Get Alisa’s Attention Narwhal - and gently tossed it at Alisa, and when it landed in her lap Alisa tossed it back to Natalia, kept her hands free, and said “I didn’t forget.”

 “Good. If you’re good at the dentist tomorrow morning, I’ll buy you ice cream after.”

 “Isn’t that the opposite of what you should do after the dentist?”

 “So you don’t want ice cream?” “That’s not what I said!”

 Natalia laughed and stepped far enough into Alisa’s room to ruffle her hair and then said, “Be good. Masha’s in charge while I’m at work.”

  ~.*~.*~.*~.*

 “Thought you were day shift on Wednesdays, Natasha!” A black woman with her hair in box braids — Jess, stage name Phoenix — said, throwing her arm around Natalia when she first got to work. 

 “Nah, I talked to Paris, got my hours changed around, remember? Gosh, it’s like you don’t remember everything I ever say to you.” 

 Jess stuck her tongue out and muttered, “Bitch,” before smooching Natalia’s cheek.

 Natalia shoved Jess off of her with a giggle. “Go finish getting ready, ya crazy.” She sat down in front of one of the available mirrors to touch up her makeup before she was officially working, then addressed Jess again. “My 11-8 days are now Sunday and Monday. Wednesday, Saturday, I’m here with you 8 til 4, baybeeeee.”

 “Mm, good call. Wine Wednesday.”

 Half price wine meant more cash for dancers. 

 “Needs more body glitter,” Natalia said in her best Christopher Walken impression, before unscrewing the cap of her body glitter to shiny herself up. 

 “Now in your Zoya voice!”

 “Needs more body glitter,” Natalia repeated, this time, in her stage persona’s stronger Russian accent.

 The accent helped to further distinguish between Zoya the performer and who Natalia was offstage. It also wasn’t exactly offensive, either, because it was just Natalia exaggerating the accent she naturally had and just making it consistently Russian. It was a mess otherwise. Natalia and Mariya...talked funny. Their accents were kind of impossible to place because of how they learned English and which languages they first learned to actually speak in.

 At first listen, their international school education would hint at American- ish . But listen closely and certain vowels come out like an Aussie or a Canadian, courtesy of international school teachers from those countries. Listen for another moment and you’ll hear that Natalia’s tongue, specifically, never learned to consistently make certain sounds that English has that Russian, Lao, Vietnamese and Khmer just don’t. Natalia’s H’s came out harsh courtesy of her Russian father. And both Natalia and Mariya had a habit of dropping articles when telling their younger siblings to ‘close window’ or ‘feed dog and cat.’

For the most part, as Natalia tried to explain to anybody who asked about her accent, English was a language for the classroom. They spoke exclusively Russian in the home and out in ‘the wild’ spoke the local language. Yakutsk was a closer flight from Laos, Cambodia, or Vietnam than Austin was so if they visited any grandparents for Christmas it was their babushka and dedushka in Russia.

 Returning to the US permanently never was the plan, remember. It was only a decision they made for Alisa to live somewhere with a standard sign language -- and the only reason, Anna confessed to Natalia once, that they didn’t go back to Russia, was because Natalia had recently come out as bisexual.

  “We worried for Valya and the twins. What if they also grow up and realize they aren’t straight? The way it is in Russia for people like you...your father and I love Russia more than the United States. But we love our kids more than Russia.”

 She hated how vivid that conversation was in her head. There were some truly beautiful moments with her mother that had already faded from memory. How unfair of her brain to let things like holidays, birthdays, and her mother’s hugs slip. 

“Drive home safe, Jess.” Natalia bid her friend farewell a little after four the next morning, kissing her on the cheek before she unlocked her own car. If she got up to 70 and stayed there, she’d be home in time to count her tips, shower, and fix breakfast for the kiddos before school and in Alisa’s case, the dentist.

~.*~.*~.*~.*

 “Stand still Pasha,” Natalia said as she gently bopped the seat of her baby brother’s pants to knock the glitter off them. “Your butt looks like a glitter cannon exploded right next to it.”

 Pavel giggled and pointed out, “It’s your fault there’s always glitter in your bed.”

 “You shouldn’t lay down in my bed for naps after I’ve woken you up for school anyway. Especially not after you’ve already got your clothes on, you dingus.”

 “ Heeeey, that’s mean!” Pavel pouted.

 “Not if I’m saying it with love. Which I am.” Natalia stood up and pressed a kiss to the top of her brother’s head. “Okay, your butt’s as unsparkly as it's gonna get.”

 “I don’t see what wrong with having a sparkly butt anyway.” Pavel grumbled.

 “Now run along to the bus stop with the other kids. Be good at school, learn lots, I love you kid.”

 “Love you too , Natashe-!” the -nka! came muffled as Pavel had darted out the door to run down to the bus stop. 

 Natalia sipped on her coffee and watched out the window as her brother darted across the field to the complex’s mailbox pavilion to make sure he joined the other children safely. Satisfied he had, she turned away from the window to trudge back to the kitchen and refill her coffee and begin her vanilla work for the day before she had to wake Alisa for the dentist. On today’s docket? Trying to get through editing at least the first third of her Russian translation of the next book in the hottest new YA series.

 There was nothing Natalia wanted more than a nap but she was already cutting her deadline close. Right on schedule was the same as being behind in the literary translation world. If she wasn’t so ahead of schedule she was getting bored then she was nearing panic mode. 

 Logically she knew that only she felt that way. Her boss didn’t, or at least never felt the need to express to her that he did, but just herself was enough to put the pressure on from beginning to end of a project.

 It had benefited her in school. Not so much in her career.

 A life in academia as a linguistics scholar and researcher would have suited her better. The universe didn’t consider that when it let a drunk driver kill her parents and leave her three siblings to raise and Mariya’s academic dreams to finance.

[itsthegameilike]

Best of 2019 Reads

I didn’t get to read quite as much this year as I usually do, but I wanted to collect my favorites, anyway, because books always deserve more love. The most love. Without further ado...

Call Down the Hawk--Maggie Steifvater (lgbt) While this book works best if you’ve read The Raven Cycle, I do feel as though it stands alone and separate from the series. It’s magical and intense and profound and it was one of the few books this year that I absolutely devoured. The new characters are fabulous, especially Jordan, and Declan absolutely shines. If you read The Raven Cycle and weren’t sure about this one, it’s worth reading just for Declan. The stakes are high, the dreams are marvelous, and the ending leaves you ready for more.

On Earth, We’re Briefly Gorgeous--Ocean Vuong (lgbt)  I first discovered Ocean in one of my poetry writing classes in college and I never looked back. The way Ocean sees the world is spectacular. The lowest lows are part of his life experience and he transforms them into sublime beauty. His first novel is no different. While largely plotless, more vignettes than anything else, it transformed how I thought of the world for weeks. And there are more than a few passages I’ll never forget. 

The Starless Sea--Erin Morgenstern (lgbt) Like everyone, I could go on and on about The Night Circus, her first novel, and like, I expect, everyone else, I can say with confidence that this book didn’t disappoint. There’s underground libraries, time travel, whimsical romance, an ocean of honey, and secret societies. If I could dream up the perfect novel, more than half of the tropes included in this novel would be in it. It does what the best fantasy does; actually transports you from your living room to a different world, just for a little while.

Small Gods--Terry Pratchett  The first of my recs that wasn’t released this year. I read lots of Terry Pratchett this year but this was by far my favorite. There’s nothing quite like a god who’s been transformed into a turtle and only remembers he’s a god because of the belief of one simple-minded but kind person. Organized religion is examined with care and as with all Pratchett novels, hilariously. The novel finished and I felt like I’d learned more about life than I’d learned in six months of actually living.

A Winter’s Promise--Christelle Dabos This novel is complex and the worldbuilding is extensive and complicated, but the rewards of paying attention and being committed are high. The characters are spectacular, though it takes some time to reveal their many motivations, and the world is even more so. The side characters also shine as every single written character has a decided motive. I devoured this one as well and the second in the series is even better. I would argue if you don’t like the first one, you should still try the second, that’s how good it is. All of the work of the first novel pays off in the second.

On A Sunbeam--Tillie Walden (lgbt) A lengthy graphic novel set in space with some excellent queer representation. It’s been awhile since I enjoyed this one, but I read it in one sitting. The drawings were beautiful and the colors were perfect for the tone of the story and writing. The love story between the two main girls is sweet and soft and heartwrenching and it was perfect to be wrapped up in their world for a little while. This book is like briefly being trapped in a snowglobe.

Spinning Silver--Naomi Novik I enjoyed Uprooted more than I enjoyed this particular fairytale retelling, but it was still worth a read. The main character is resourceful and interesting, the way she goes about navigating world and finding love not quite the path you would’ve expected in the beginning. The world is lush and well developed and the court of the fey is one of my favorite locations in a fantasy novel in awhile. What really sells this book is the ending. The middle can be slow, but it was worth it for the way all the threads come together.

Nevernight--Jay Kristoff I could talk about this novel for-fucking-ever. There are footnotes that can be extremely informative and are often laugh out loud funny. The violence and the language and the jokes can often be crude, but there is so much joy written into them that it hardly matters. The twists and turns of the plot are amazing and there was even one or two I didn’t predict. Mia is such a badass and her quest for revenge is the kind of quest I love to see female characters involved. She gets a storyline few women get, especially in fantasy. Godsgrave, the second novel, is also incredible and puts Mia in an awesome queer relationship. The last novel, Darkdawn, came out this year and was actually a bit of a disappointment, but the series overall is still one of my favorite.

Devotions--Mary Oliver Everyone knows Mary Oliver and I’m not going to pretend this recommendation is revelatory in any way, but this collection got me through some of my hardest days. It’s best read a poem at a day with a good five minute think afterward. You’ll start seeing the world in a different and more hopeful way. Nature has lots to teach you, kids, and so does Mary Oliver.

The Trials of Apollo--Rick Riordan (lgbt) This is a whole series and the fourth one came out this year and if you haven’t read any Rick Riordan this probably isn’t the place to start. But if you’ve read some of him and haven’t yet checked out this series it’s a must. It’s more adult than any of his other ones and the stakes feel so high, that when I started reading the fourth one this year, I could barely do it, I was so nervous. They’re hilarious, as can be expected by Riordan, but they’re also profound. There are a couple of emotional moments that I still get lost in while lying in bed at night and Apollo’s character arc is one of the most rewarding in recent memory.

Red, White, and Royal Blue--Casey McQuiston (lgbt) A favorite of the year on tumblr, I think, and definitely worth all of the hype. I read this in one sitting. It was quick and easy and joyful, definitely an alternate universe that I would prefer we were currently living in. Alex and Henry are both delightful and their romance is poignant, something that gave me comfort as a queer woman. If you need a little light in your life, start here.

Little Fish--Casey Plett (lgbt) One of the hardest books I read this year. It’s an intense look into the life of a trans woman and her friends, most of whom are also trans. And when I say intense, I mean intense. It often hurts. But I loved it for the way the author portrayed her main character. There was so much love and sympathy there. Nothing was held back. It was very clear that this book was the heart of this author. It meant everything to them.

Snow & Rose--Emily Winfield Martin A children’s fairytale that world builds so good that none of the rest of the book even matters. The rest is also good, but I could’ve gotten lost into the world forever. As with all fables, it ends with lessons learned and they’re important and earned lessons. It’s been awhile since I’ve read it, but I remember it being spectacular and well worth my time.

Peter Darling--Austin Chant (lgbt) Not the most well-written on this list, but it is a hopeful read. And the most adorable. This book is entirely for the queer representation, but it is very good representation. It also is a retelling of Peter Pan, which is good fun. It’s short and quick and I finished with a huge smile on my face.

[almastudies]

I just saw that you're an English teacher omg. That's literally my dream job! What grades do you teach/would like to teach??

Hi!!! I don’t know where you’re from but I’m from Argentina and as u probably know, we speak Spanish here; so teaching English here is teaching it as a second language. I never got my degree because I had to drop out due to personal reasons (i.e. me being trans and my classmates being transphobes). But I teach English at a language institute to 5 kids 10-12 y/o and I love it, they’re lovely and so sweet and I always have a great time with them!

My second job is at an independent kinda cultural house where they teach a bunch of workshops and I teach English for traveling purposes and another workshop with a more general outlook for all ages and levels. Here I’ve met a lot of awesome people and I’m slowly getting more and more involved in the administration of the place as I get to know the women who run it more.

So yeah, I teach people of all ages going from kids to adults and I love it because I love English and I’ve been studying it non-stop for 15 years now and use it in my everyday life and one day I’ll have my degree when the time comes and I feel ready to pick it up again.