#I love pure and sincere knights

[fareehaandspaniards]

Also really curious about how you see Ludwig!

Seems really like the perfect role model guy!

Perfect role model guy? Maybe xd

I haven’t thought much about his past, but I think that he is also a foreigner (as many other characters!), or rather his family is from other lands. He himself was born and raised in Yharnam, but his roots are southern.

Another doodle to show how exactly I see him (It's Laurence in the left and Edgar in the right, nevermind xD) :

What can be said for sure is that he is very cute!

A "father" for his soldiers (hunters), an excellent fighter, a strongman. An exemplary family man - in my headcanon he is married, and perfectly copes with the role of a father and husband. However, what he couldn't do is to be the "head" of the family - I think he is very shy and timid in private and in more intimate settings!

He's also a great knight! Like, a true knight (I mean not a medieval robber and feudal lord, but a really exemplary servant, master of the sword and sir in shining armor. I swear I read a legend about a knight with a magical, talking sword, (no, not Excalibur xd) It reminds me a lot of Ludwig, though I've forgotten the legend ;_;)

He has a lot of virtues, but his flaws.....

Stone-faced. Which made it hard for Laurence to get along with him at first. Ludwig is very closed and takes deeds rather than words. Laurence couldn’t understand his loyalty and endeavor to serve for some time, but when he got it – he started to fear that Ludwig will abandon the Church after discovering it’s dark secrets.

Ludwig is quite infantile inside - he loves strategy and tactics, but mostly uses it in games for children! And actually the one who got him talking and also befriended was Gehrman, who offered him to play a board game. Gehrman and Ludwig are good friends in my opinion and drinking buddies xd I just like to imagine them drinking a huge mugs of beer while Laurence sips juice through a straw from an exquisite glass. Both friends were a bit silly and eventually acquired enough local jokes that pissed Laurence off LOL

Ludwig had nightmares very often, and a restful sleep is a reward for him. Moon influence – thanks, Laurence.

He is Edgar's idol also! He dreamed of being like the perfect knight (but didn’t succeed xd). And I really like the headcanon that Ludwig picked up little Edgar on the street in his last sane year and gave him to the Orphanage on which the Choir was based. In my headcanons Edgar is stuck being 20 years old in a Nightmare, so I guess that's probably a pretty realistic course of events...? How did he survive his stay at the Orphanage, where children were "used" to communicate with the Great Ones? I-don't-know! xd I just like to think that way, haven't tried to seriously consider it.

Ludwig conducted the massacre of Old Yharnam with true steadfastness. That's why people started call him "The Beast" - he never once showed compassion for people turning into beasts. The problem is that when he does something, he shows no doubt. All his doubts and worries were left in Laurence’s hands, and Vicar was in no hurry to clear his image in front of people or dissuade them.

The Moonlight, after the incident with Old Yharnam, had been the only source of meaning for him. The moon called, the moon comforted, the moon promised. Under its influence, Ludwig forgot everything that brought pain, just as he had forgotten his wife and son and daughter, who had died turning into beasts.

Ludwig had faith in Laurence. Ludwig also believed in healing blood. It had healed his wife, and he believed it was the future of Yharnam. Vicar asked him not to ask questions, promising to tell him one day WHAT the Church was doing, but he wasn’t able to fulfill a promise. Ludwig found out everything for himself later.

Djura admired him at first, but later joined those who called Ludwig "The Beast." He could understand everything, but he couldn't forgive him for following heartless orders.

Ludwig had been an inspiration to Damian(Me? Not to mention Damian? HAhahahaha) during his years of service as a Tomb Prosperctor. Although Damian considered this service "unholy" (the old belief that the dead should not be disturbed), Ludwig inspired him to keep going.

And! Also he was a good friend of Maria. She wasn’t as naive as Ludwig, because tried to discover secrets of Research Hall, but they both had sensitive hearts. He was a good man and she valued it during those hard times. Also how couldn’t Ludwig not appreciate Gehrman’s best apprentice? Young, talented, kind-hearted – Maria was another «knight». (I love so much female archetype of «knight». I have some examples from other games and OH MY GOD, AHksdhfksjhfiwhe General Beatrix from Final Fantasy IX plus Lady Maria is a duo of my heart…)

I used to call myself holyvicar shipper, but actually no… I like it, as much as other pairings, I can even feel it, especially if feelings are one-sided (Ludwig is in love), but Laurence really wants to feel the same, but simply can’t. Ludwig is too easy for him? I don’t know. Ludwig/Maria? Ludwig/Micolash (lol)??? I appreciate any fanart or fanfics but not really into these ships. So Ludwig is married in my world.

[crystallinestars]

Taking Care of Them

Short scenarios about Argenti, Aventurine, and Jing Yuan receiving much-needed care and comfort from you. Pure fluff, a little hurt/comfort for Aventurine's part.

I took some creative liberties with Aventurine's character since we still don't know everything about him yet, so this is simply my interpretation of him.

This isn't proofread because my brain is fried from writing.

--------------------

🌹 Argenti:

As a Knight of Beauty, Argenti is a highly skilled fighter who puts his very life on the line to vanquish his foes. Usually, he defeats his enemies with grace and style, but even the refined Argenti sometimes sustains injuries.

In his most recent battle, Argenti made it out practically unscathed, save for a few scrapes and bruises that marred his handsome face. That was how he found himself obediently sitting on your bed while you treated his wounds.

“I apologize that you have to see me in this state,” he murmurs, guilt darkening his expression. “I did not want to cause you worry.”

“No need to apologize,” you brush off his concerns with a smile. “Now turn this way. I’ll clean the scratch on your cheek,” you said as you gently turn Argenti’s face to one side to reveal the shallow, red gash on his cheek.

Argenti complies without hesitance and sits perfectly still as you dab at the scratch with a cotton ball soaked in alcohol. It stings, but the Knight of Beauty unflinchingly tolerates the burn with a small smile on his face.

He can tell through the delicate and careful way you clean and dress his wounds that you care a great deal about him. Your touches were gentle so as to not cause him unnecessary pain, yet no less thorough. It felt nice to be touched so tenderly, to be cared for in such a loving manner.

Your heart is beautiful, he thinks. To possess such a caring and loving heart, you must rival the beauty of his beloved Aeon Idrila. Argenti truly believes that you are a wonderful and beautiful person, both inside and out.

As you finish patching up the last wound and pack away your first aid kit, Argenti turns to you and gives you a radiant, sincere smile from the heart.

“Thank you…” he softly says as gently takes one of your hands and kisses the back of it, “You have a dazzling heart—so pure and gentle. I feel like the luckiest man in the universe to have the privilege of receiving your care and affection.”

His words may sound over-the-top and perhaps even fake, but he truly means them. Every single one. Even if you don’t entirely believe him, the amused smile that his flamboyant phrases elicit out of you is all the reason he needs to keep them up.

“You’re welcome. Just try to be more careful next time. I’ll love you no matter how you look, but I hate seeing you hurt,” you murmur in reply and lean in to kiss the band-aid on his cheek.

“There. A kiss to make it all better,” you giggle as you pull away.

The little gesture catches Argenti by surprise, but he can’t say he didn’t like it. In fact, he enjoyed it more than he ever thought he would.

With a small chuckle, he pulls you close to kiss you fully on the lips. If you don’t take his word for it that he feels incredibly lucky to have your love, then perhaps his actions will convey the sincerity of his feelings for you.

🦚 Aventurine:

All his life, Aventurine has faced hate. Hate for being Sigonian, hate for being a dog of the IPC, hate for acting exactly the way that’s expected of his kind. He played into people’s perceptions of him. Why waste time trying to correct their views when they won’t change? It’s easier to just act according to their expectations and hide who he really is behind this playful and sly mask.

Only with you does he let his carefully crafted façade crumble to reveal his vulnerable self.

Aventurine is very good at acting like everything is fine when the world is against him. Perhaps to an extent, he truly believes that life is all about fighting battles on his lonesome. He can use others and get used as a tool in return, but the only one he can trust is himself. It’s the only life he’s ever known.

However, you’ve known him long enough to tell that the hate and isolation get to him, no matter how much he pretends that they don’t. When he comes home one night after a particularly awful day, it doesn’t take long for you to figure out that he feels down.

Aventurine smiled and teased you like usual, but he spoke less and clung to you more than usual. He hugged you from behind and kept an arm around you no matter what you were trying to do, almost as if he was seeking comfort from your physical presence.

Turning to face him, you glance into his tired eyes.

“What is it, darling? See something you like?” he teased, the corner of his mouth tugging into a smirk.

“Hmm, no,” you hummed. Extending your arms forward, you wrapped them around Aventurine and slowly pulled him into a hug. “I don’t see something I like.”

Aventurine is momentarily stunned by your unprompted action, but he quickly recovers.

“Oh? How come? Am I not appealing enough for you?” he quipped, resting his chin on your shoulder and returning your hug. Unlike your tight hug, his arms wrapped around you in a loose hold, as if he was uncertain how to go about it.

“Quite the opposite,” you softly chuckle, “I don’t see something I like, but I do see someone I love,” you whisper and turn your head to look directly at Aventurine’s face.

A beat of silence passes as Aventurine processes your words, before bursting out laughing.

“That was painfully corny, even for you!” he chuckled.

You scoff but don’t say anything in response, simply continuing to hug him tightly. Slowly, carefully, you card your fingers through his blond hair before moving lower to stroke your palm along his spine in soothing circles.

Aventurine’s laughter dies down, his initial mirth now replaced with something fragile and vulnerable as he falls quiet. He won’t ever share what burdens him, but you don’t need to know the details to provide him comfort. If he doesn’t want to tell you, then you won’t pry. At the very least, you’ll do all you can to support him and remind him that he’s not alone.

Being wrapped up in your warm embrace, feeling your gentle caresses—it all felt unfamiliar to Aventurine. It’s been so long since he felt the tender and loving affection of another person. It took a while, but eventually he relaxed and allowed himself to lean into your body, burying his nose into the crook of your neck.

Silence lingered in the air, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. There was something soothing in not having to talk. It was freeing to not worry about pretending to be okay or be pressured to talk about the things that trouble him.

That hug—that simple act of human affection—made him feel safe and protected in your arms. When you leaned back slightly to plant a tender kiss on Aventurine’s forehead, something inside him snapped and he had to hold back tears. Burying his face deeper into the crook of your neck, he clung tightly to you while you continued to rub slow circles along his back.

“It’s okay. It’ll all be okay, I’m here. You’re not alone…” you whisper, hugging him tighter.

Being wrapped up in your warm hug, feeling your affectionate kisses and gentle words is something Aventurine never knew he needed until now. Just for this moment, he lets his walls come down and bares his wounded self to you with the hope that you can soothe his pain if only a little.

And you do. With whispered reassurances and loving caresses, you ease his hurt, even if just temporarily. He is safe, you promise. He will always be safe in your arms.

🦁 Jing Yuan:

Jing Yuan is notorious for disliking the abundance of paperwork and other leadership tasks he has to take care of on a day-to-day basis as a General of the Xianzhou Luofu. Despite his woeful sighs about how tedious it is, and how the work never seems to end, Jing Yuan still accomplishes all his duties in a timely and precise fashion.

Jing Yuan is a hard worker, you are well aware of that. Which is why when he snuck out of the Seat of Divine Foresight to come spend some free time with you, you offered him to rest on your lap. And who was he to turn down such a tempting opportunity?

Sitting outside on the veranda with Jing Yuan’s head resting on your lap, you softly ran your fingers through his fluffy, white hair, marveling at how silky it was. It was as soft as it looked.

“I could get used to this,” Jing Yuan said with a sigh, relaxing into our touch. His golden eyes were closed as he enjoyed the sensations of your fingers combing through his hair, gently massaging his scalp and soothing any tension he felt.

Chuckling, you looked down at him, mirth dancing in your eyes.

“Really? I wouldn’t mind having you as my lap cat like this more often. Why not come see me every day and get pets?” you tease him as you lightly poke his cheek.

Jing Yuan cracks open one eye to give you an amused look.

“Being your lap cat sounds like a wonderful idea,” he sighs, “Laying on your lap and getting pampered sounds like my ideal life.”

Both of you burst out laughing at the ridiculous notion of Jing Yuan being a lap cat, your spirits lifting as the mood brightened even more.

“Ah, but if you ever want to take a break and relax, you’re always welcome to see me,” you say in a softer voice this time, resuming running your fingers through his tresses.

“I’ll keep your invitation in mind,” he replied, his voice dropping an octave as he relaxed into your touch once more.

The minutes pass in a comfortable and serene atmosphere, with you pampering Jing Yuan with affectionate caresses, meanwhile, the man listens to you talk about your day. You both knew that after this he would have to go back and complete the mountain of work waiting for him, but for now, you were content to spend this little bit of time with your beloved.

Under the warm sun and gentle breeze, with his head resting comfortably on your lap, Jing Yuan felt himself growing drowsy. His eyelids became heavier, and his body didn’t want to move from his position on your lap.

Noticing the General grow sleepy, you fought the urge to tease him. If you pointed out his sleepiness, he would most likely apologize and put a stop to this tranquil moment by getting up and heading back to work. He already saw you less than either of you wanted, simply because work kept him busy. Moments like these were a luxury.

Keeping quiet, you gently massage his scalp until his breaths even out and become deeper, seeming to have fallen asleep. His expression looked so serene and vulnerable, something that very few people have had the chance to witness. As his lover, you were privy to this sight more than most. You watch over him with a small smile on your face, gently tucking away a stray strand of his hair.

Thinking he was asleep, you lean down to press a lingering kiss to his forehead, but as you straighten, you notice Jing Yuan peering up at you with an amused glint in his eyes.

Growing flustered, you quickly look away, feeling your cheeks heat up with a blush.

Jing Yuan only laughs in response, but his laughter quickly turns into a contented purr as you shut him up with another head massage. Whatever teasing remark he had prepared, immediately died on his tongue as relaxation washed over him and he felt sleep take hold of his mind again.

“It’s ok, take a nap. I’ll wake you up in a few minutes,” you murmur, willing Jing Yuan to finally get some rest. You could tell he wanted to protest, but with a light brush of your thumbs over his temples, he released a sigh of defeat and conceded.

“You certainly know how to take advantage of my weaknesses,” he chuckled, voice a little hoarse from drowsiness.

Despite his initial reluctance, Jing Yuan fell asleep fairly quickly. The continuous days of endless work had left him exhausted, but your tender pampering and sweet company were just the respite he needed.

“Sleep tight,” you whisper, gracing him with another sweet kiss on his forehead.

[tnt-kokoo]

Sheep in a wolf's costume

(Yandere/obsessed!)Rin Itoshi × fem!reader

summary: A princess like you shouldn't wander around unattended while at war. That's what your father thought at least, and that's why, Rin Itoshi was chosen as your own guard.

warning: Stalking, fantasy au, yandere/obsessed, he kinda worships reader (??), death,

"...and with that, I order him to be your guard." Your father, the king, commanded.

In your mind, you were dreading having to be followed by someone you don't really know. As a princess, you already had to overcome the constant nagging of your parents to act whenever and wherever you are ladylike. Not that it was impossible but very draining.

Looking over to your side, you remarked how one of the knights looked more nervous than the ones next to him. You knew from then on, that was your new babysitter.

After a while, you father continued to talk to the other knights. You couldn't handle standing there, listening to your father talk about next possible moves from the enemy and how they could prevent that from happening. You couldn't bare to listen to the gruesome out loud thoughts (that should have stayed in their sick brains instead of being muttered out loud) of the solders.

Your new guard noted how your expression changed from annoyed to a hidden disgust.

'Even with such an evil topic, she tries to remain princess-like. Cute." That's what the dark haired boy thought.

At some point, you just wanted out of the room and the still unnamed knight by your side realized it as well. He then interrupted your father's conference (something undared by many with a lower status).

"Pardon me sir, don't you think that the princess shouldn't have to worry about our conflict and ruin her pure brain?" He questioned. A few wispers from behind and from the side were the only thing keeping the silence away. Your father was surprised, shocked even, to have someone other than him dare to talk for his own daughter. But it's not like he didn't agree with the said statement of 'not wanting to ruin your pure thoughts and brain'.

With a quiet sighs, he agreed a let the guard go for his foolish behavior of interrupted like that.

____________________________________________

"Thank you, for getting me out" you thanked him sincerely.

Maybe, he isn't as bad as you thought?

But oh, how wrong that was. He was much more worse than what you could have imagined.

"What's your name?" you wanted to know and walked beside him as he accompanied you to your chambers. He looked over to you quite shocked and muttered a small 'Rin'.

You couldn't help but laugh at what you thought was shyness. The sound of the laugh was like a immense warm comfort, that he deemed to not have earned (just yet at least). He loved it. So much. His heart clenched at the thought of failing your father's wish for your safety and swore to himself to protect you. For now, he didn't think much of his possessiveness. To him, it was just him doing his job.

Because Rin Itoshi is unfamiliar with the term love.

____________________________________________

As days follow and the conflict began to get more serious, Rin was able to listen to your worries and how you wanted this war to stop.

With each day spending more time with you, the knight felt himself more aware of how much he actually enjoys your company. Even in such hard times, you were still next to him, listening to him talk about his interests, his likings as well as dislikings and even more shocking to some, about his family. He simply trusted you and you trusted him.

You knew you could definitely trust him after what happened at town. Even with a war going on, your father made you go to the orphanage. You definitely should only visit but you being you, Rin had to watch how his princess was playing and joking with the children.

Soon, thoughts plagued the knight of having a family with you. The dark haired boy quickly threw that thought away and continued to look out for you as you were finally wishing the children to stay healthy.

While walking down the street to where the carriage was supposed to wait. You were met with something else.

You two saw bandits with knives in their hands. They seriously didn't think this through if they thought that Rin Itoshi would let them steal from you- or even worse, harm you.

Quickly Rin drew his sword out of the holder and pointed it to the opponents. Non of them got closer and took a few steps back.

Suddenly, another thief came from behind you and pulled the knife in his hand close to your throat. Without a second of waiting, Rin brought his sword to the one threatening you and made a fast cut for the thief to fell down bleeding without seeming to stop. Quickly stepping away from the corpse, your eyes widen as the chest of your knight stooped you from stepping away any further.

He saved you, but at the cost of one's life...

The boy wrapped his arms around you and bought you closer to the metal of his suit, he tried his best to comfort you as he only could be happy that you were safe. No more bandits wanting to rob you.

At this point, he might have started to feel something more for you. He still couldn't put a finger on what exactly it was called but from what he heard, his feelings were as strong as love.

Right now, his brain accepted a feeling for you. He calls it Love.

____________________________________________

The moment Rin Itoshi realized how much his feelings grew over the time of being your knight, was when you got your portrait taken by one of the best artist at the time. He stood next to the portrait and had a very clear view of you. You looked eternal with all the diamonds and the jewelry.

On one hand, he was excited to be able to have such a beautiful view of you. Your beauty infront of him and him having the possibility to memorize all your features highlighted by the pretty diamonds. He was so sure, that he would spend all his money for jewelry for you just because your being is supposed to be lavished by all these expensive stones and gold or silver (whatever you prefere because he'd buy you either).

But on the other hand, apart from his growing love for you, the feeling of jealousy grew as well. His jealousy was directed at the artist and yes, the painting is beautiful, but, he shouldn't be able to look at you with ,what Rin thought to be, lust. Only Rin himself should have the ability to look at you. Others should pay.

And not with any money, oh no... Rin expected them to pay with their eyes who dared to glance over to you. Like thiefs get punished by getting their hands cut off, but what would that be useful for? It were their eyes that weren't allowed to look at a higher being.

While the painting was finished hours later, you began to feel your eyelids grew heavier. Looking out, you saw how the sky was already darkened and the sun long gone. Stars now dancing above the castle and the moon deep asleep.

Looking over to Rin, he seemed to understand your trouble and helped you up. He then proceeded to kneel down and say "Get on my back, I'll carry you to your chamber, princess."

You didn't question it and sat on his makeshift seat of his hands to hold you up. Your arms wrapped around his neck as your head laid on his broad shoulder.

'Shit. She smells so good....' he thought.

As he carried you to your chambers, he laid you down on the comfortable bed and pulled the blankets over your beautiful body. Oh how he loved you, your brain, your body, and your looks. He loved everything about you.

If you were to command him, he would kiss every floors that were lucky enough to be walked upon by you.

If you were to command him, he would go into every fight and come back to you.

If you were to command him, he would do anything you'd ever wish.

Because in the end, it's Rin Itoshi. He would get his hands dirty for you, so you wouldn't have to.

And maybe, just maybe, love was a wrong term for his feelings. He felt his obsession grow more and more.

____________________________________________

"Where is the princess???" A servant asked another. Neither knew of anything after the village got attacked. To make it worse, most knights were gone, thinking the enemies were going to attack from somewhere else. But oh how wrong they were.

Now with nearly no one to fight with, the village was doomed. Not even the king was present anymore, he was murdered and you, you disappeared, along with your knight.

If you had a choice in this or not, Rin Itoshi was not disappointed with his deal with the enemies.

A deal that would make him alongside you stay safe, as long as he would be telling them your folks secrets.

Looking back, he was happy you're now safe with him.

Because Rins feeling for you are way stronger than anyone could possibly imagine and now, you're his and his alone.

[knightsickness]

the worst kind of criston post is those comparison/virgin vs chad posts about show vs book criston that both tumblr criston stans and reddit criston haters make in which theyre like BOOK criston was noble and would never have sex with harlot rhaenyra and only crowned aegon out of sincere love for andal tradition. unlike show criston corrupt and constantly breaking his oath of chastity and crowning aegon out of spite and self-interest the showw and the stupid biased showrunners ruined a perfect knight. when that fundamentally is not true bc if it was book criston would not have already been hated for all the reasons they now pretend are show inventions

basically everyone already understood that his motives were probably bigoted and corrupt you have to comically read around the fact that almost everything show criston does is also implied if not outright stated in the book to make the case the show ‘ruined’ him. the white criston fanart reddit always uses as the pure good book version of him was literally art for a fic in which criston breaks his oath with rhaenyra and then goes crazy w bitterness about it and that so significantly predates the show it seems absurd to have to point that out. the reddit fucking adores noble warrior types even if they were bad people and THEY were making jokes about how small his dick was nobodyy was reading him as the soul of chivalry. if anything the show made him significantly more sympathetic

the most notable exception to this was a small but persistent cadre of redditors convinced that the secret third option grrm had cleverly planted about the crisnyra situation was that criston rejected her because he was gay and then was homophobic about laenor because he was trying to evade suspicion. this was never mainstream as a theory but was widespread enough within the relatively small pre-hotd dance fandom on reddit that it comes up in unrelated threads about gay kingsguards. these guys are the only group i want posting about how the show ruined grrms vision for criston by maliciously straightwashing him

[rin-fukuroi]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 [𝐀𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢]

Part 1

Please do not translate or publish my works without my permission.

The originals of my works can be read here

Fandom: Honkai: Star Rail

Pairings: yandere!Argenti x fem!reader

Warnings: yandere, abduction, mention of suicide.

Note: English is not my native language, so I apologize if there are errors in the text qq

I didn't think that I would ever write a sequel and thought that the last work with Argenti was complete, but here I am (¬‿¬ )

art: @oririnxx(Twitter)

Argenti's heart is bursting with guilt and shame. Even in the short time that mutual understanding and love reigned between you, he managed to establish himself as a person who can really be trusted. His feelings and thoughts were always so pure, almost transparent, and you were never in doubt for a moment. Even when he decided on such a desperate act.

You know his house is your house, right? Probably so, since you without hesitation, although sighing heavily, but agreed to go to him, without even asking what exactly he wanted from you. You can always find warmth, care and understanding here, if necessary.

But this time you will find here only the remains of Argenti's conscience. He feels the rot getting deeper into his unscrupulous heart with each new second of waiting. How could everything have gone so far? How could his unconditional adoration and desire to make you happy be perverted to such an extent that he really decided to make you love him?

No, no. You have already loved him before, which means he does not force you, Argenti only… He is trying to awaken in you the old feelings, the seeds of which, he is sure, are still able to bloom again with velvet roses, the fragrance of which will immerse you in the same blissful haze as his.

Oh, you should know how he is tormented. Even when you are already standing on the threshold of his house, he just wants to take you in his arms and never let go, but he plays his role of a heartbroken person who now needs your support. But does he play? You really broke Argenti's heart, but he reassembled every tiny fragment so that the vessel would be filled again with awe and tenderness addressed only to you.

You, of course, can't leave him in this state, even if you caused it yourself. It's so mean to play on your guilt, but what choice does he have? You no longer look at him the way you did in the days when you both didn't mind being in this isolated bubble of love from the rest of the world, focused only on each other. You no longer touch his hand with tenderness, now your fingers are anxiously clenched around Argenti's palm to comfort. You no longer run your tiny fingers through his soft hair, letting the man's head rest on your lap, no longer smile at him with a sincere, really saturated with absolute happiness smile.

Why is that?

If you were happy, why is that no longer the case?

Argenti can't even admit the idea that there is even the slightest bit of your fault in what happened. Of course, it's his fault, so he's ready to sacrifice his own conscience, ready to disregard principles, and all this for you.

The knight seems to be looking at his own reflection in a mirror, in which he sees all the vices that have always been hidden so imperceptibly in the depths of his soul. He only has to touch such a disgusting Argenti reflection of the desires of his own heart, and there will be no turning back.

"For you… just for you…"

For your sake, he is ready to let the darkness completely take over his mind and body.

You are so naively kind, agreeing to stay at his house for the night. You probably haven't had time to enter into a relationship with someone else yet, which Argenti so vehemently prevented, and, he believes, it really paid off.

Yes, that's it, look at him, stay with him, share this bitterness with him, so that together you can drown it out with the sweet taste of reunion, which you also want.

Surely you do, because otherwise you wouldn't have come to him, wouldn't have followed the call of your heart when he needed you so much. You're still worried about Argenti, you still don't want to see him so broken, you're still gentle with him even when you let your relationship turn to dust. Oh, no matter how hard it was for him to admit it, you crushed them yourself. Argenti still doesn't understand what made you commit this unforgivable crime.

But it doesn't matter anymore.

The knight will ban any doors for you, whether it's the doors to the outside world from your new bubble or the doors to a new life in which he has no place. He is ready to accept your tears, ready to accept the words that wound him like a thousand blades that cut his heart. Now he is defamed, spoiled and deserved punishment for what he did. But it was the only way he could put everything back in its place.

What are you going to do, cornered? Oh, of course you're angry.

You curse him, beg him, cry, even lie about what you love. Argenti understands why you're acting like this and won't blame you. You are connected, of course, connected. The darkness that has taken root in the purity of his feelings has affected you, but together you will be able to share this burden. It may take days, weeks, or even years for you to accept what has become of you, but Argenti believes that in the end you will understand that this test is presented from above to both of you in order to strengthen your love.

✧ ✧ ✧

It hurts him to look at how nothing has changed after weeks.

It was stupid to think that you would be able to understand him so soon, but Argenti does not lose hope.

Although, something has changed… He no longer hears your screams, you are no longer banging on the door, desperately trying to get out, no longer crying. Now you look like an empty shell, devoid of any feelings. It scares Argenti so much, but he understands that this is how it should be. You have to get rid of what prevents you from loving him again. Anger, disgust, contempt, hatred — that's what the Knight fights day by day, steadfastly withstanding your attacks, and finally he got rid of most of the obstacles.

— Y/N, forgive me…

"You're not really sorry"

— I'm doing this for you…

"No, you're doing it for yourself"

— I'd do anything for you.

"Then just kill me"

— I love you…

"And I hate you"

Now you're silent when Argenti tries to talk to you. His perfect face, which makes you sick, is always distorted in remorse, and it seems that he really believes that he is sorry. But you know very well that this is not the case.

Most of all, you hate the moments when Argenti insists on helping you take a bath. Bile rises in your throat every time his hands touch your body, but you endure, swallowing the nauseating lump again and again, realizing that you have no choice. You always take one look at him while he gently soaps your skin, noticing how his lips are stretched in a smile, and turn away again, not wanting to see how your disgust for some reason brings him pleasure.

You trusted Argenti.

You always believed that his feelings were really sincere, so he would be able to understand and let you go, but now you were able to look behind the exquisite screen of love, hiding the slippery, stinking and rotting obsession that the man you once loved succumbed to.

Now you feel sorry for Argenti.

Really sorry.

If it weren't for the hatred that dulls all other feelings, you would want to grab his hand and lead him away from the wrong path that he chose, mistakenly believing that it would lead him to happiness. But, to your great regret, he dragged you after him. No matter how much he tries to cleanse your body, your soul rots along with his, soaked in the disgusting fumes of his mutilated care and tenderness, with which he tries to regain something that will never regain its former form.

✧ ✧ ✧

— Y/N, you haven't eaten all day… I brought your portion of dinner.

Argenti is standing in the doorway of your luxurious room, which he has filled with everything he knows you love, believing that it will make you stop hating this place. You don't want to meet his eyes, and you press your knees even harder to your chest, huddling in a corner on your soft bed.

The knight feels his heart constrict in his chest. It happens every day, every time you turn away from him. He wants so much to see your eyes looking into his for once, he wants to hear your voice, but he must be patient.

You hear footsteps approaching and already know what will happen next. Argenti will put the plate on the bedside table and leave you alone, as he does every day. No matter how much you want to stop it, sometimes your stomach is so unbearably twisted with hunger that you can't resist the instinct of self-preservation and force yourself to eat a little. But not today.

— Y/N… — this is something new. You feel it touching your shoulder, sending a sickening shiver under your skin. — I know you don't want to be here, but can you… at least have dinner with me tonight? I promise, if we sit down at the same table, like… — he wanted to say "like before", but suddenly stopped. — Your appetite will return if you share a meal with someone.

How annoying he is. Is he really that naive, or is it just a mask to lull your vigilance. You don't know anymore. You have long ceased to recognize in Argenti the one you once loved.

But you know for sure that the sooner you fulfill his request, the sooner he will leave you alone. At least until tomorrow.

That's why you let him wash you, let him dress you in beautiful outfits that he likes. Not you.

You nod reluctantly, still not moving from your seat, and you hear Argenti exhale softly in relief. If you had dared to look at him, his soft lips would surely have been stretched into a satisfied smile when he received an answer from you.

You wait for the nausea from his touch to finally recede along with the feeling of his hand on your shoulder, and you get out of bed in a doomed way, hearing Argenti take the plate from the table and go to the kitchen.

No matter how much you wandered through the corridors of his luxurious house like a living corpse, it always seemed to you that the walls were about to crush you, but, unfortunately, this never happened, so after tasting a new portion of disappointment, you stop at the kitchen door, noticing a candle on the table, whose dim light drives away the darkness rooms, two glasses of wine and two plates, displayed on exquisite snow-white napkins. Argenti stands waiting, pulling out a chair for you. Your gaze stops for a moment on his hands clutching the back, and the body again gets chilling goosebumps when memories of those hands touching your body pop up in your head.

He really did his best to make this dinner look like a fucking date. It's so disgusting that it almost makes you laugh.

You reluctantly accept Argenti's help, sitting down uncertainly and allowing him to pull your chair closer to the table designed for two.

The meat on the plate is still steaming slightly, as are the shiny grilled vegetables. The food looks delicious, but … for some reason, bile rises to your throat again when you take a fork and knife with trembling hands, preparing to pierce and cut off a juicy piece of your dinner.

Argenti watches with curiosity how you do not dare to try your portion without starting to eat before you do. To be honest, the Knight loses his appetite when he sees you so depressed, not trusting him so much that you are even afraid to eat in his presence. Do you really think he means you harm? Can't you see how hard he's trying for you? Even so, he's glad to finally see you taking even tiny steps towards him.

It's all so much like hunting. Argenti has created an atmosphere of security in your bubble, but has set traps here and there, patiently waiting for you to finally take the bait. He knows you can't hate him forever. Sooner or later you'll have to give up, you'll have to get used to a new life with him.

You hesitantly pierce the meat with a fork, watching the soft fibers displace the juices flowing onto the plate before nervously swallowing and starting to cut. Thoughts immediately flash through your head about how convenient it would be to use this knife to slit your stomach or cut your throat… Yes, it would certainly be better than opening your veins, because then Argenti could still have time to save you. You can see your own blood trickling down the shiny silver metal, instead of the cloudy pinkish liquid oozing out of the steak as you slowly separate a tiny piece from it.

These thoughts… really discourage your appetite, but that's all you can think about while you're here. What's the point of satisfying your hunger if you just want to get it over with? But you also have to play your part, you have to be smarter than Argenti, you have to set your traps, so you touch the meat with your tongue, feeling a slight taste of spices, before sinking your teeth into the juicy fibers and chewing, hurriedly sending a piece down the esophagus.

Argenti is delighted.

Although the corner of your lips twitched when you swallowed a piece of your dinner, he is pleased to see that you are finally eating a warm meal prepared for you with love and care. Usually you just wait for the food to cool down, stubbornly denying hunger before it finally gets the better of you. Argenti has always been frustrated by how you exhaust yourself day by day, but it would be too much to force food cooked by him into you, right?

The knight was finally able to relax, and happily started his own meal, doing the same thing with his piece of steak as you. After tasting the meat cooked for you, Argenti smiles gently.

— Is it delicious? — the man asks, but then with a quiet clink puts the dishes on the plate, seeming to think about something for a second. Of course you won't answer. — I hope I was able to please you a little, Y/N.

He was about to continue his meal, gently wrapping his long fingers around the stem of a wine glass, when suddenly his gaze caught on your frozen figure. Your gaze is focused on the next piece of meat. The silence in the kitchen is broken only by the soft sounds of pinkish drops of juice dripping onto your plate before your lips are pursed, but then hurriedly open when you finally lift your head for the first time in several weeks and look straight into Argenti's emerald eyes. Your piercing gaze seems to have pinned the Knight to the chair, and he watches with bated breath as you take air into your lungs. Your chest heaves slightly with a light breath, and the man's heart shudders.

— Yes… very tasty, thank you.

To hear your voice… oh, you're just killing poor Argenti. During your imprisonment in his house, you managed to teach him to enjoy such little things that he did not attach any importance to before. Your views on him have always seemed to the Knight something as ordinary as the sound of your voice caressing his ears every day spent with you. But now he was so happy to hear even the words you barely uttered.

Argenti will even turn a blind eye to the fact that you did it just to distract his attention.

Did you really think that he didn't notice how you stole a knife from the table with a skill that the best of thieves would envy? Well… he won't scold you for it. You don't know what's best for you, only he knows, so Argenti will definitely protect you from any threats.

But later.

For now, just let him enjoy this moment. Even if it's an illusion, even if it's a lie, even if he invented it all himself, Argenti wants to believe that you took a small step towards him, and this…

Damn. Now his patience is trembling, being held suspended by the thinnest thread that is about to break.

You won't hate him even more if his retaliatory step completely erases the distance separating you from each other, will you?

[9toji]

‧₊˚✩彡 BEAUTIFUL CHILD — where in these blue lock boys show their love for their little bundle of joy.

characters ; bachira, sae, kaiser, nagi

tags ; sfw — domestic fluff, established marriage

rina's comments ; this is an excuse to write about having a kid with kaiser

bachira held his little daughter's hand, it was about the size of his palm. he beamed up at the mirror as he brushed off the dirt on the two of their silly little costumes, it was striped yellow and black, and they had a headband placed neatly on their heads, it was really cute.

“look at my little bumblebee!” he smiled, hugging his daughter tightly. “don't i look pretty daddy?” and of course bachira nods excitedly, “mommy's gonna love it. you're already growing up so fast..” meguru stroked mini bachira's hair, his little bumblebee as he called her.

the bundle of joy gets excited at the sound of the master bedroom's door creak open, rushing towards you as she hugged you, “how do i look mommy?” beamed the child, who twirled around. it was perfect, it was a bee costume that had a little tutu attached to the waist. “daddy made it for me!” she added and you gasp up at bachira, it was really well made.

“i might have a knack for sewing, but.. honey, can we go trick or treating?” your husband asked with a sheepish grin, the pumpkin basket already prepared on the little wooden coffee table, and once you agree, just as long as you come with them they rush outside.

your daughter giggling as his dad leads her outside, it was a beautiful halloween celebration, minus the upcoming toothache that your daughter soon acquires.

sae didn't use to be so accepting of makeup, until now. it was quite a surprise for you to see him sitting down on the floor, puffed up with heavy blush, courtesy of your child that mumbled about him looking nice. but that's not even half of what surprised you.

your husband was wearing a pretty yet very tight pink fairy costume, accompanied with fairy wings. it was a sight to behold, and a little hard not to laugh at, you quickly take pictures of him as he tries his best to make his little baby happy.

“cup of tea for you, fairy!” the little girl cheered, pouring some “tea” into his little pink tea cup that he could easily crush in his grip, he politely sipped on the tea. “oh wowww, this tastes so good princess!” sae chuckled, enjoying the moment. even though he looked silly. there was a gentle and more importantly sincere smile on your husband's face.

the little bundle of joy hugged his dad, and soon you joined in. before you whispered, “you look nice, fairy.” into his ear. sae had a faint blush, perhaps embarassed. he instead opted for a grin.

“thanks, i know right?” your husband joked, blinking dramatically at you.

“i bought you another toy!” kaiser said with a smile, showing the new gundam figure in his hands, handing it to your son. “thanks papa!” said the child, an expression on his face that could only be described as pure awe and joy.

kaiser spoiled your child rotten, buying him toys, books, and more. but before he did, he made sure that the two of them had a super top secret secret that involved that he, his son, should always use it, so it doesn't go to waste.

you never really took your husband for the type to care about that, he grew up with lavish toys too, as far as you knew. spotting them in the cute kid's bedroom, playing with the gundam and roleplaying, kaiser was the big bad monster, while his son was the savior, who had to save you, the poor princess.

kaiser was not going to protest, even though he wanted to be the knight in shining armor like he had always told you he'd be for you. “aaahhh!” he shrieked in a monotone voice, and your child shrieked back, throwing what seemed to be a stick at his father's face.

thankfully, kaiser was unharmed.

it was a bit wrong to let the child play video games at such an early age, but you had spotted your husband, nagi and your son playing some sort of mario game on the tv, the little one's faced contorted with concentration.

while the father yawned, he might get bored too quick. like he always did, but thankfully he didn't, and even let his son win, the boy proudly put his little controller down, puffing his chest and putting his closed-into-fists hands on his waist. “i won! i won!” the youngster said, emitting a smug grin.

nagi clapped slowly, and smiled. “you're just like me, huh?” he yawned, and his son beamed. “really? am i as cool as you, papa?” the kid jumped up and down from the compliment, before turning to you and pointing as his papa with a wide smile, “papa said i'm as cool as him! did you hear mama?”

and you nod with a sweet smile, ruffling your son's hair, who quickly goes back beside his dad, challenging him to another round. nagi let the bundle of joy win every round, only because he felt sleepy or maybe he wanted to make his baby happy, your husband turned to you and shrugged, with a knowing smile.

“guess he's better than me, babe.”

[jymwahuwu]

I'm ascending with all this yan Jing Yuan content, thank you for feeding us 🙏

Ngl you got me giggling and kicking my feet over this stupid man thing, affectionate.

But have you considered Jing Yuan subtly using Yanqing?

Jing Yuan knows you have a soft spot for the kid, it's hard not to, he's very endearing, and knows you'd never do anything to hurt the kid.

Yanqing is very oblivious to his guardian's true nature, he just thinks you're a bit bashful is all about dating the general. The kid adores you and always begs you to come visit, how can you say no to him?

You don't want him to ever be afraid of you, it'd hurt your poor heart too much, so you never lash out when Yanqing is nearby and tolerate Jing Yuan's antics.

Jing Yuan, being the rat bastard he is, would use this to his advantage.

But I also love the idea of Yanqing being a platonic yan for you, always clinging to you when you're walking the streets of Luofu. Keeping tabs on things that you like or people you interact with to keep dear ol dad in the loop, definitely might've eliminated someone who got a little bit too chummy with you or most likely went to Jing Yuan later on and in a few days that person is suddenly convicted of a serious crime.

You three are like a little family to him, poor kid has always wanted a mom and you're perfect! You seem to fawn over him and when does accidentally calls you mom/mama/etc you never correct him, if anything you encourage him to do so since you believe he needs a maternal figure (also to balance out Jing Yuan's influence over the boy)

Yan Yanqing is highly aware that you're weak to his whims, so he's going to take advantage of it. He really is like Jing Yuan in that sense, but his love for you is purely familial.

Sorry for rambling djxjcjcj I just got excited about the possibilities

Both possibilities are fantastic 🙈😚💕And sorry for taking so long to reply like I lost touch on another planet🥺

TW: yandere(jing yuan), platonic yandere(yanqing), non-con

You can't resist this precious cinnamon roll, especially with his puppy eyes on the attack? He tells you about his experiences in Cloud Knights. Yanqing may act proud in front of you and crave recognition and praise.

If you tell him that your relationship with Jing Yuan is not the expected couple relationship. He is just harassing you. This truth will break the heart of this child. Jing Yuan is aware of this and uses it as an excuse to bring Yanqing to visit your home, groping you in the kitchen while you prepare your afternoon tea, and putting his fingers in your panties. You still hold the tray of milk and cookies in your hands as you flee from the kitchen, panting.

If Yanqing is platonic yandere? The core of platonic yandere! yanqing is: He is afraid that you will leave him and the general, and disappear silently from the long life. After all, you have nothing to do with them or have an obligation to be around them. You can leave anytime. He feels care and sincerity in you. He wants him to have a mother who loves him. Is it that difficult?

Just like what you described! When you wandered the streets of Luofu, Yanqing followed you closely, helping the general watch out for all possible threats. Yanqing noticed that there is a guy who is too close to you - why are you giggling when talking to him? He even grabbed your hand and confessed to you? Never mind, this dangerous man will be deported to a remote planet soon 🫡

[linberlyy]

Let's be honest: Criston's offense’s more than justified and well-reasoned. Another question is how much this very offense is, but everyone will judge this through their own internal compass. Let me explain Cole’s motivation and worldview, maybe I'll open someone's eyes.

Let’s simulate the situation: we have a son from a humble family (so low that his position was low even for an engagement), who, with sweat, blood, his skills and efforts, carved out a place for himself in the Kingsguard, taking into account that, thanks to the goodwill of a representative of the royal family, - who has a golden spoon in her mouth, we remember, was able to get a healthy assessment of her capabilities and skills without watered calculations.

- “I know what it’s like to fight for something that others don’t value.”

He owes his new position precisely to the favor of the princess, and we have no reason to refute Criston’s conscience, because BEFORE any traumatic and drastic changes/events, he manifests himself as a conscientious and devoted knight, with a clear worldview.

They spend a lot of time together, and already at Aegon’s name day we see that the level of trust between Rhaenyra and Criston is high, moreover, it is rapidly gaining momentum when she opens some part of her soul, shares things that can be called “personal”, laments his situation and outlines the problems he faces. Most notable:

— “My father is trying to sell me to Jason Lannister. I was named heir to the throne only to improve the position of Lord Casterly Rock.

— Should I kill him?”

This is literally a joke about killing the LORD that Criston makes in the presence of the princess, and it is remarkable that they both laugh without taking it seriously.

— “You can choose your own path, you are lucky. Many would gladly change places with you.

— “I am the princess of Dragonstone, but I am toothless.”

— “Once, not so long ago, you were able to write my name in the White Book. A position in the Kingsguard is the highest honor for the Cole family. I owe you everything. And I wouldn’t call it toothless.”

He provides her with sincere support, without greedy or hypocritical intent, and she accepts it with open arms.

The development of their relationship, on the initiative of the princess, follows immediately when, after some time, abandoned by Daemon (I condemn) in a brothel, she persuades Criston to have sex. Rhaenyra lures him into the room, plays with the helmet, kisses him, not allowing him to leave, and then tries to free the knight from his armor. Yes, Criston could more than experience romantic feelings towards his princess, but above all, it was a kind of admiration, sincere gratitude for what bestowed her favor on the rootless commoner. His representation of Rhaenyra may seem banal and naive, namely as “a poor princess, enslaved by her position,” we will note this in the future. But based on his pure motives, he faces a choice in which his feelings equally suffer, his vows and, of course, the wishes of his object of desire, in relation to whom Criston has never crossed the line before, are called into question. Many may underestimate the pressure that arises between the statuses and titles of total opposites, and only in the example of “maid - prince” do some realize the problematic nature of such a union, but not “princess - knight”. Please note: despite gender, it is still a class difference that breeds power with abuse. And, unfortunately, Cole cannot know and be sure that Rhaenyra’s need to get sex here and now has nothing to do with her love for him. He hesitantly follows the princess's lead, putting aside his white cloak.

Next we see and hear that Criston is ashamed of himself for violating his honor, neglecting his duty, although he listened to his heart, to his duty to Rhaenyra.

— “You occasionally confided in me... Over the years of acquaintance. And it seems to me that I know you. A little.

— “More than a little.”

Another imaginary confirmation in Christon’s eyes of reciprocity.

— “You have said many times how you despise your position. That you will be married off at the whim of your father, without thinking about the inclination of your heart. And this day has come."

He imbues her with the problem mentioned in the past; driven not only by his dilemma, but also by Rhaenyra's “confinement,” a literal shackle that equally binds and constrains them both.

— “I ask you to come with me. Away from all this, from the humiliations and burdens of your heritage. Let's leave all this and look at the world together. We will be free, nameless. We are free to go wherever we want, to love whoever we want. Will you marry me? Not for the crown. For love.

— “I’m the Crown, Ser Criston. Or I will be her. I can complain about my debt, but would I choose infamy in exchange for a barrel of oranges, or a ship to Asshai? It is my duty to marry a noble of a great house. But my marriage is not the end all be all. Ser Criston, Laenor and I have come to an understanding. I gave him the right to do what he wants. He granted me the same”.

— “Do you want to make me a whore?”

— “I want what started to continue.” You are my protector. My white knight”.

— “I made a vow, a vow of chastity. I have nothing but my white cloak, and I have stained it! I thought the wedding would cleanse him.”

Literally, Criston pours out not only his soul to Rhaenyra, but also to us, as viewers. He dictates the reality of his situation, assures that he can provide and protect the princess as much as possible. But, of course, for the blood of the dragon, for the heiress, for the father’s daughter, who was previously brought up in the conditions of “do you want it? Get it!” such a prospect is worthless. Naive of Cole? Yes, but not without reason.

After everything, he feels extremely vulnerable, as well as after a sincere confession to the Queen - which responds even more precariously and nervously to any conscience and confidence, despite her gratitude. Already at the wedding of Rhaenyra and Laenor, Cole, like a taut string, stands at the service, but restlessly and nervously looks at the princess.

— “I’m on duty, what’s your business?”

— “You don’t know me, Ser Criston, but this alliance is very important to both of us.”

— “If you have something to say, Ser Joffrey, speak.”

— “Ser Laenor is as dear to me as I know the princess is to you. We must swear to keep them and their secrets. We’re not in any danger yet... They are safe.”

Sounds like a threat to a pins and needles knight with a stained cloak and a sense of duty, don’t you think? Criston can only guess how Joffrey knows about his affair with the princess, and only one of the options may look convincing - Rhaenyra telling Laenor about this, who could notify his lover along the chain. Again, every possible inclination towards princess on his part is undermined when their secret is at stake. Yes, Criston succumbs to anger and panic, resentment and hopelessness, for which he commits a much more terrible act than calling a woman names. But even so, Cole feels guilt, boundless disappointment, and at the lynching he also feels remorse. He plans to voluntarily commit suicide and admits his every mistake. This scene is literally the rebirth of a knight in the rays of Alicent’s understanding and favor.

And as a result: people complain countless times and blame Criston for swearing towards Rhaenyra, for which he apologizes. Cool. Let's think critically and delve into the story and characters, and not spit hypocrisy.

[etoilesombre]

Hey, do you guys want to hear a story? Let me tell you about the romance between Lancelot and Guinevere, as recounted in Sir Thomas Malory's Le Morte d'Arthur.

So, I thought I knew the basics. I grew up reading modern versions of Arthurian legend that focused on other aspects, but had a general knowledge of the Arthur-Guinever-Lancelot love triangle. It didn't show up too much, but I assumed it was subtext in some other versions. What I picked up was that it was sort of pure, almost an ot3, and not the cause of a lot of problems. 

My friends. In this version it is NOT SUBTEXT, it DEFINITELY CAUSED PROBLEMS, and it is WILD. It is a true will-they-won't-they drama fest soap opera romance, and I need to share. So please, come on this journey with me.

[I’m looking at you, Black Sails fandom people. I need you to know that Flint canonically would have read this. He would almost certainly have also grown up hearing these stories. I’m not saying he’s Lancelot coded, but I am saying it's interesting that he would have been aware that was something it was possible to be.]

A couple notes, before we dive in. I am very much just summarizing what happened in the book. The thing is, the book is a million pages long and also in Middle English, and this is just one of many plots, which I think is why it's not more widely known. I will show some excerpts so you can get a feel for the text, but you don’t need to read them to understand the story. I'm referring to a version that is as close to the manuscript as I can find, though with spelling regularized. For real fun, see what the original looked like. Malory purports to be translating part of the French Vulgate cycle, which likely is where the character of Lancelot originates, but in fact he is doing much more than translating, and compiles other stories as well. Point being, when he says “so the French book sayeth” etc, that is the “book” to which he is referring. Because of my lack of knowledge about the language and cultural context, this lecture series from Mythgard Academy was absolutely invaluable to my understanding. I cannot recommend it highly enough. Inevitably, some of the opinions of the prof are reflected here. I do not have it in me to compare the scholarship of various medievalists right now, I just want to tell you about this DRAMA. 

Let’s start with a prophecy. When Arthur decides he wishes to marry Guinevere, Merlin advises him to take someone else, because if he takes her, she will betray him with Lancelot and it will destroy his kingdom. All of this is foretold, not only to us, but to Arthur himself. Of course he takes her anyway, and all is doomed from the start.

As we begin the main arc of this story (several books after the prophecy), Lancelot is widely acknowledged to be the best and most renowned knight of Arthur’s court. He is plainly and hopelessly in love with Guinevere, and she loves him in return. Arthur doesn’t have a problem with this - who wouldn’t love Guinevere? This sort of love is socially acceptable, so long as they do not sleep together, which would be treason. Arthur in fact seems to support their love, because it means that Lancelot will be Guinevere’s champion should she need one. This is a role Arthur himself legally cannot fill because he is the king, and so would have to be the judge. Lancelot is indeed a good champion for her, and fights for her when she is wrongly accused of murder. 

Lancelot is deeply chivalrous, in a way that seems sincere. This is a great place for a first excerpt, a conversation with a Random Damsel Lancelot has been helping:

‘Now, damosel,’ said Sir Lancelot, ‘will ye any more service of me?’ ‘Nay, sir,’ she said, ‘at this time, but almighty Jesu preserve you wheresoever ye ride or go, for the most courteous knight thou art and meekest unto all ladies and gentlewomen that now liveth. But one thing, sir knight, me thinks ye lack, ye that are a knight wifeless, that ye will not love some maiden or gentlewoman. For I could never hear say that ever ye loved any of no manner of degree, and that is great pity. But it is noised that ye love Queen Guenivere, and that she hath ordained by enchantment that ye shall never love no other but her, nor no other damosel nor lady shall rejoice you; wherefore there be many in this land of high estate and low that make great sorrow.’ ‘Fair damosel,’ said Sir Lancelot, ‘I may not warn* people to speak of me what it pleaseth them; but for to be a wedded man, I think it not; for then I must couch with her, and leave arms and tournaments, battles and adventures. And as for to say to take my pleasance with paramours, that will I refuse, in principal for dread of God. For knights that be adventurous should not be adulterers nor lecherous, for then they be not happy nor fortunate unto the wars; for either they shall be overcome with a simpler knight than they be themselves, or else they shall slay by unhap and their cursedness better men than they be themselves. And so who that useth paramours shall be unhappy, and all thing unhappy that is about them.’ 

So after doing his Knightly Deeds for this damsel, Lancelot asks if she needs anything else. She says no, but you are lacking one thing, which is the love of a woman. It is rumored that is because Guinevere has through sorcery made you love only her, and that causes all of the women great sorrow. In reply Lancelot makes this speech about how he cannot have a wife or paramour and be a good knight, but everyone thinks it is at least in part because his love is reserved for Guinevere.

Now, throughout the book his chastity DOES notably cause all of the women great sorrow. Everyone wants to sleep with Lancelot. Literally he is kidnapped by the four most beautiful queens other than Guinevere, and they say he has to choose one of them as a lover (not even a wife, a lover) or else die. He says he would rather die, though in the end he escapes. This is just an example, truly it is a recurring problem for him. He is, at one point, tricked into sleeping with a woman with whom he conceives his son Galahad (as was prophesied, it's a long story and the romance is only part of it. It is worth mentioning that something similar happens to Arthur, which is how Mordred is sired.) When Guinevere learns that Lancelot has been with someone else, she is angry and banishes him from the court. They still love each other and eventually reconcile. 

So, Lancelot goes on the quest for the holy grail. But he fails, specifically because while he is outwardly dedicated to God, in his private heart he is still dedicated to Guinevere. And so he makes a vow to renounce his love for her, acknowledging that it is beyond measure (beyond what is right, even if they have not technically done anything wrong.) However when he returns to Camelot, he cannot keep this vow, as we see. 

Then, as the book saith, Sir Lancelot began to resort unto Queen Guenivere again, and forgot the promise and the perfection that he made in the quest. For, as the book saith, had not Sir Lancelot been in his privy thoughts and in his mind so set inwardly to the Queen as he was in seeming outward to God, there had no knight passed him in the quest of the Sangrail, but ever his thoughts were privily on the Queen. And so they loved together more hotter than they did beforehand, and had many such privy draughts together that many in the court spoke of it, and in especial Sir Agravain, Sir Gawain’s brother, for he was ever open-mouthed. So it befell that Sir Lancelot had many resorts of ladies and damosels that daily resorted unto him to be their champion: in all such matters of right Sir Lancelot applied him daily to do for the pleasure of Our Lord Jesu Christ. And ever as much as he might he withdrew him from the company of Queen Guenivere for to eschew the slander and noise, wherefore the Queen waxed wroth with Sir Lancelot.

He and Guinevere start spending a lot of time alone together, and so there are rumors circulating about them in court. In order to put a stop to the rumors, Lancelot starts paying other women attention and doing more good knightly deeds for them. Guinevere is terribly jealous, but he tells her it's for their own good, and also tells her about the vow he made, and his concern that their love is beyond what is appropriate. She is devastated, and weeping banishes him from the court (again). 

Lancelot then rides in a tournament, disguised. (Why? Because this is simply a thing knights do.) To make it an effective disguise he takes the token of a woman, the sleeve of the fair maid of Astolat to wear on his helm. When she discovers that he was only using it for the disguise, and he does not indeed love her, she is so heartbroken that she says if he will not marry her or be her lover, she will die. He refuses, on the grounds that love must not be constrained and should arise from the heart, and offers her a thousand pounds a year instead if she marries anyone else. Properly insulted by this, she does indeed die. She has her body sent in a boat to Camelot, with a letter in her hand, saying that she died of her love for him, that he would not return. 

Seeing this, Guinevere reconciles with Lancelot, presumably reassured by the fact that he would let this very beautiful much younger woman die of her love rather than being with her. She insists that from now on he will not fight in disguise, and will openly bear her token. 

Then Queen Guenivere sent for Sir Lancelot, and said thus: ‘I warn you that ye ride no more in no jousts nor tournaments but that your kinsmen may know you; and at these jousts that shall be ye shall have of me a sleeve of gold. And I pray you for my sake to force* yourself there, that men may speak you worship. But I charge you as ye will have my love, that ye warn your kinsmen that ye will bear that day the sleeve of gold upon your helmet.’ ‘Madam,’ said Sir Lancelot, ‘it shall be done.’ And either made great joy of other.

It is important to keep in mind that, to this point, there is no textual evidence that they were sleeping together, and a great deal of evidence that it was important to Lancelot that they not cross that line. There is much less evidence that this is important to Guinevere.

So then one fateful day in May, Guinevere goes picnicing with an entourage of knights. They are captured by someone else who is in love with Guinevere, and taken back to his castle, but she manages to send a message to Lancelot. At the castle, she insists that her knights sleep in her bedchamber on the grounds that they were wounded in the battle when she was captured and need tending, but truly she wants them there to keep her captor from raping her. 

Lancelot arrives to rescue her, and the person who kidnapped her agrees to give her back in the morning. She tells Lancelot to visit her room in the night. He climbs up to her window, which is barred. They have a heartfelt reunion and she says she wishes he could come in to her. He acquiesces and breaks the bars to get into her room, cutting his hand to the bone to do so. Despite the profusely bleeding wound and the ten other men sleeping in the room, they at last do sleep together, in this passionate blood covered consummation. He sneaks back out and replaces the bars.

In the morning, the man who kidnapped Guinevere comes in and sees blood all over the bed. He accuses her of being unfaithful to the king, saying she lay with one of the knights who had been sleeping in her room. She denies it, but it is very clear that she did sleep with someone who was bleeding. 

Lancelot says he will fight to defend her from this accusation, which is right and proper because he is her champion. In this story people take trial by combat and oaths before God very seriously, especially Lancelot. He really does try. So he swears an oath that he will prove with his life that Guinevere did not sleep with one of the wounded knights who lay in her room. This of course is TRUE, but only on a technicality. Lancelot, having slept with her himself the night before, is also the one who defends her honor after. I love this story so much. 

Instead of fighting him, the kidnapper takes Lancelot captive. In captivity he encounters ANOTHER damsel who insists that sleep with her in order for her to help him. He refuses, still faithful in his heart to Guinevere. Eventually she settles for him holding and kissing her, which is not across the line of appropriateness apparently, giving us some idea of where that line is drawn. Anyway, Lancelot gets out, fights for Guinevere and wins. There are indications that he feels like he barely dodged a devine bullet. 

Guinevere and Lancelot return to Camelot. Finally the rumors about them are true, the deed has been done, but of course nothing appears particularly different as there were already rumors about them. Two knights, Mordred and Agravaine, who have been intriguing against Arthur already, go and tell Arthur that Guinevere is being untrue to him. Here is his response: 

‘If it be so,’ said the King, ‘wit you well, he is none other; but I would be loath to begin such a thing but I might have proofs of it. For Sir Lancelot is a hardy knight, and all ye know that he is the best knight among us all; and but if he be taken with the deed he will fight with him that bringeth up the noise, and I know no knight that is able to match him. Therefore, and it be sooth as ye say, I would that he were taken with the deed.’ For as the French book saith, the King was full loath that such a noise should be upon Sir Lancelot and his queen. For the King had a deeming of it; but he would not hear thereof, for Sir Lancelot had done so much for him and for the Queen so many times that, wit you well, the King loved him passingly well.

Arthur says he will not hear of this without proof, because if Lancelot is accused and allowed to fight he would beat anyone. And, it is said that Arthur had some idea of the affair, but would not credit it because Lancelot had done so much for him and Guinevere, and he loved Lancelot greatly. 

So, one night when the king is away hunting, the two accusers contrive to catch them in the act, with a group of twelve armed knights. They do find Lancelot in Guinevere’s chamber, but the text is notably, pointedly vague about whether they are actually in bed. In any case, Lancelot asks for a trial. The knights say no, they have caught him and so may kill him. He is Lancelot, so he kills all of them instead, save one (Mordred) whom he leaves wounded. Lancelot flees, intending to return to rescue Guinevere and take her to his own castle to protect her from Arthur’s wrath. He maintains her innocence, and still intends that they will all reconcile.

Guinevere is to be burned at the stake (normal in this situation). Lancelot rescues her from the burning at the last moment, killing a number of knights of the round table. Arthur seems to blame the accusers more than Guinevere and Lancelot (for good reason; keep in mind that the romance is a subplot, there is a great deal of political intrigue going on.) Now a war will begin, whether anyone wants it or not, because of the people Lancelot killed. Lancelot takes Guinevere to his own castle. Battle lines are drawn, and Lancelot and Arthur confront each other in the fighting:

And ever was King Arthur about Sir Lancelot to have slain him, and ever Sir Lancelot suffered him and would not strike again. So Sir Bors encountered with King Arthur; and Sir Bors smote him, and so he alit and drew his sword and said to Sir Lancelot, ‘Sir, shall I make an end of this war?’—for he meant to have slain him. ‘Not so hardy,’ said Sir Lancelot, ‘upon pain of thy head, that thou touch him no more! For I will never see that most noble king that made me knight neither slain nor shamed.’ And therewith Sir Lancelot alit off his horse and took up the King and horsed him again, and said thus: ‘My lord the king, for God’s love, stint this strife, for ye get here no worship and I would do my utterance. But always I forbear you, and ye nor none of yours forbear not me. And therefore, my lord, I pray you remember what I have done in many places, and now am I evil rewarded.’ So when King Arthur was on horseback he looked on Sir Lancelot; then the tears burst out of his eyes, thinking of the great courtesy that was in Sir Lancelot more than in any other man. And therewith the King rode his way and might no longer behold him, saying to himself, ‘Alas, alas, that yet this war began!’

So Arthur tries to slay Lancelot, but Lancelot, the better fighter, refuses to slay him and indeed when Arthur is unhorsed Lancelot forbids that he be slain, and gives him his own horse. Arthur weeps for the honor that is in Lancelot, and laments that the war began. 

The pope intervenes and tries to negotiate an end. Lancelot confirms that he is willing to return Guinevere to Arthur, and says he has always been willing to do this and will still defend her honor, but that he does not feel he can do so because Arthur has listened to liars and been misled, and he had more reason to take her away than the accusation of adultery - he does not trust she can be safe in that court, with things as they are. 

Eventually they do make a deal, with some assurances, and he surrenders Guinevere to the king. He kisses her openly, says that he will leave, but should she be in danger or ever again accused of being untrue, he will fight for her as he always has. He departs the court forever, to much great sorrow, and returns to his own lands. 

The war continues - eventually Mordred seizes the throne, Arthur kills him in battle but is mortally wounded himself and passes to Avalon. Following the king’s death, although her love would no longer be adulterous, Guinevere retires to a convent rather than reuniting with Lancelot. He seeks her out, and this is her reaction: 

Sir Lancelot was brought before her; then the Queen said to all those ladies, ‘Through this same man and me hath all this war been wrought, and the death of the most noblest knights of the world; for through our love that we have loved together is my most noble lord slain. Therefore, Sir Lancelot, wit thou well I am set in such a plight to get my soul health; and yet I trust through God’s grace and through His Passion of His wounds wide, that after my death I may have a sight of the blessed face of Christ Jesu, and at Doomsday to sit on His right side;* for as sinful as ever I was, now are saints in heaven. And therefore, Sir Lancelot, I require thee and beseech thee heartily, for all the love that ever was betwixt us, that thou never see me no more in the visage. And I command thee, on God’s behalf, that thou forsake my company; and to thy kingdom look thou turn again, and keep well thy realm from war and wrack. For as well as I have loved thee heretofore, my heart will not serve now to see thee, for through thee and me is the flower of kings and knights destroyed. And therefore go thou to thy realm, and there take ye a wife and live with her with joy and bliss. And I pray thee heartily to pray for me to the everlasting Lord that I may amend my misliving.’ ‘Now, my sweet madam,’ said Sir Lancelot, ‘would ye that I should turn again unto my country, and there to wed a lady? Nay, madam, wit you well, that shall I never do, for I shall never be so false unto you of that I have promised. But the self* destiny that ye have taken you to, I will take me to, for the pleasure of Jesu; and ever for you I cast me specially to pray.

Rather than rejoicing in Lancelot’s presence, Guinevere laments that their love brought about the downfall of the Arthurian court, and the deaths of the knights of the round table and King Arthur. She calls upon Lancelot, by all the love that was ever between them to leave her presence, telling him to marry someone else if he wishes and see her no more. Lancelot replies that he wants no one else, and that he will respect her wishes, but will also renounce the world and join a religious order. He asks Guinevere for a final parting kiss, which she denies him. 

When Guinevere lies dying of illness, Lancelot sets out to go to her, having had a vision. She knows of his coming, and prays to die before she sees him, because she cannot bear it. She dies a half hour before he arrives, leaving instruction that he is to tend to her body, and then lay it to rest beside that of her lord King Arthur. Lancelot does this with great sorrow, and after ceases to eat or drink, and within weeks is dead himself. 

And there you have it, the love affair that doomed Camelot.

HUGE DISCLAIMER: Any and all mistakes or misinterpretations are my own. This is what I gathered, but I am not a medievalist. I am barely an interested layperson. I’m just a random fic writer who got obsessed with research for a story, and had to share this tragic mess. 

[drunkenlionwrites]

Prince Vash X Knight Guard reader

I couldnt stop thinking about royal au where the blorbo is royalty, and the reader is a knight. Was written with thoughts of female reader, but written as g/n

inspired by this post

warnings: death of a relative (Rem), fluff, a bit of angst in the end if you squint Please, reblog if you like the work

Prince Vash, who grew up with constant scratches and bruises from playing with Crown prince Nai, but not once cried or snitched on him, always smiling when he got up from falling in a playfight.

Prince Vash, who spent most of his time with Queen Mother Rem, reading history books with her, learning botany and studying foreign languages.

Prince Vash, who couldn’t stop crying for months after the death of their mother and who supported his brother, Crown prince Nai wholeheartedly.

Prince Vash, who hasn’t supported and stopped any talks about rioting against king Nai among nobility, giving them chance to be exiled rather than executed.

Prince Vash who spent his time visiting the poorest in the kingdom, heeded to the needs of orphanages, churches and schools while king Nai was busy conquering and enslaving the neighboring kingdoms.

Prince Vash, who got a personal Knight Guard Captain, chosen among hundreds by king Nai after several assassination attempts on Vash.

Prince Vash, who made a rose crown himself and placed it on the head of his knight, after them winning the tournament, not paying attention to the mocking whispers of the court nobles.

Knight Guard Captain reader, who couldn’t believe in a gentle nature of their prince for the longest time, observing from the sidelines.

Knight Guard Captain reader, who immediately intimidated anyone among the royal guard who had said anything remotely disrespectful about the prince.

Knight Guard Captain reader, who started writing minnesangs (knight romantic poetry) and slipping it into the prince’s chambers among the dried flowers who conveyed their sincere love for the prince.

Knight Guard Captain reader, who after few years of guarding the prince and being on the receiving side of his gentle smiles and flustered rosy cheeks asked the prince to meet them in the back of the royal garden late at night.

Knight Guard Captain reader, who stood on their knee, professing their admiration and undying love to prince Vash, not expecting anything in return.

Knight Guard Captain reader, who received a gentle and shy kiss the same knight

Knight Guard Captain reader, who continued their duties diligently during the day and breaking the knight code every single night

Knight Guard Captain reader and prince Vash, who had to burry all their blooming feelings once Vash has been engaged to a princess of a neighboring kingdom in exchange of peace and mutual political benefits, since prince Vash was too pure and decent to disrespect his fiancée turned wife with doing anything improper.

Knight Guard Captain reader, who was devoted and guarded prince’s children with the same eagerness and devotion till the end of their servitude at the royal palace.

[swordbisexual]

A short VisGale fic, a sketch of sorts, a concept born of yelling back and forth with @renn-the-rascal, and something I hope to expand on soon. But for now…

Armor

~750 words

“There, can I get you to—“

“Certainly.”

A small exchange, one they’ve repeated every day for at least two tendays, if not more. Sharing a bedroll became sharing a bed, and in that time, Vissenta has relented to let Gale help her with more than just an assuring word and a kiss before leaving. She lifts her arm slightly, relinquishing her grip on the strap of the pauldron to let him take over, securing the piece in place and giving him room to check those down her sides that hold the cuirass.

Like every day for two and a half tendays (because he has counted, every single precious one, if only to feel the shape of that number grow as steadily as his love), they dress to face whatever this quest might throw their way.

But today, it’s not her demons they face, or those of their companions.

It’s not a demon at all.

“With you, I forget my goddess.”

In the stillness of the outer planes, he could hear her every breath, and he heard it catch at his words. And he heard, too, the warmth in her voice, when she answered with words of her own that might have been too harsh otherwise.

“Then forget godhood.”

With her hands free, Vissenta takes the chance to ensure that her hair is pinned up securely; Gale takes the chance to map the small curls that grow askew at her nape, only just covering the jagged, puckered scar that starts at the base of her skull and disappears into a web he’s felt beneath his fingertips, when he cradles her head to melt into her more lingering, passionate kisses.

“I’ll have you as you are.”

He couldn’t quite believe those words; he tried to protest. “Have the best possible version of me.”

She leaned over to kiss him, briefly, and the warmth in her voice turned to fire that burned bright behind her eyes. “I already do.”

“What divine calculus plucked us from the ether,” Gale muses as Vissenta seizes his hands, insistent on helping check that his bracers are secure, “and thrust us together?”

“I’d rather keep the gods out of it,” she says mildly, but her hands tighten around his wrists as she lifts her chin, eyes flicking down to his neck before she raises them to meet his. “After we pay one more a visit, anyway.”

Scars, on the both of them. Scars that, if opened without care, could destroy everything around them.

“You… you’re everything.”

He meant it. He truly meant it. He’d seen her, bloodless, lifeless, as she made the choice to reject a great and terrible thing, a darkly divine right that she foreswore in the face of death.

He could foreswear the same. He owed her as much.

“Is this what being nervous feels like?”

Tucked into an alcove in Stormshore, Gale can hardly look over his shoulder at Mystra’s likeness. He can feel the Weave, pure and perfect, the way open to him at last, and no matter how ready he’s believed himself to be, how long he’s prepared to see her again, he feels woefully vulnerable.

Vissenta reaches up to brush his hair back behind his ear, her fingertips brushing the silver star of the goddess as she does so. “Nervous is good.”

He knows his scowl is unbecomingly petulant. “I hate it.”

All Vissenta does is smile, lifting herself up on her toes to give him a kiss. He feels the slip of her tongue against his lips - always so daring, even sequestered in a temple, and his heart swells with her boldness - before they part, all too soon. “It suits you.”

“Does it?” Gale doesn’t want to let go of her just yet, his knight in all her glorious armor.

She nods, suddenly solemn. “It suits Gale Dekarios.”

“Him again.” Searching her face for the telltale signs of teasing, he comes up short, left only with the sight of heart-aching sincerity. “You’re rather taken with him, aren’t you?”

Nodding again, she cups his cheek in her palm. “What would he want, right now?”

The answer is startlingly quick, shockingly certain. “Forgiveness.”

Vissenta’s smile returns. “I can’t give him that, but…” She tugs at the gold-edged purple kerchief around her neck, pulling it loose, and takes his hand to turn it palm up. There’s just room enough for her to tuck the slip of cloth beneath the bracer around his wrist. “He can have my favor, while he goes to ask.”

[crystallinestars]

Unrequited Love

When he develops feelings for you, but your heart belongs to another with no hope of ever loving him back.

I'm not 100% happy with this, but it has been sitting in my drafts for a long time, so I want to finally post it. Forgive me if these are all repetitive.

WARNING: This is pure angst. No happy endings here.

Characters: Kaeya, Xiao, Alhaitham, Thoma, Zhongli, and Kaveh

🦚 Kaeya:

Kaeya has liked you ever since you were both children. Back when he and Diluc pretended to be knights of Favonius that heroically saved you and Jean from Treasure Hoarders, Kaeya had always wanted to play your knight in shining armor. When you got injured while playing and started crying, Kaeya was always the first one to comfort you and help patch up your scrapes and bruises. His little crush on you prompted him to look out for you and protect you from harm to the best of his ability.

As the years passed, that crush developed into full-fledged love. After Kaeya’s falling out with Diluc, you were the only person remaining whom he considered a close friend and confidant. Despite how much he tried to distance himself from you, you wouldn’t have any of it, and persistently wormed your way into his life. You worked hard to keep your friendship alive by giving Kaeya the companionship he craved, and served as a shoulder for him to lean on during his lowest moments. When faced with your sincerity, acceptance, and kindness, how could Kaeya not fall even deeper in love with you?

He lived life by distancing himself from others. He didn’t want to be abandoned and hurt again the same way when his father left him all alone in Mondstadt as a child all those years ago. Kaeya didn’t want to grow attached to people and then suffer when those bonds inevitably broke, just like they did when Diluc shunned him once he revealed the truth about his origins. Kaeya knew better than that, yet your presence made him harbor hope that perhaps you were different.

You’ve known each other since childhood, so Kaeya naturally trusted you more than most. You had a deep bond of understanding and acceptance that made Kaeya hope that maybe he could find unconditional love with you. To have you by his side, being his sole light in this dark world, is all he ever wanted. To have just one person he can let down his walls around and bare his broken self to. These rosy fantasies floated in his mind whenever you were together, warming and soothing his scarred heart.

He should have known better, but he paid the price for his foolish hopes.

When you told Kaeya that you and Diluc got together, it felt as if a bucket of cold water was dumped on him. The sweet, golden fantasies were shattered, replaced with the harsh reality that you didn’t feel the same way about him.

Truly, he should have expected this outcome.

As children, Kaeya had wanted to be your knight in their games of pretend, but it was always Diluc who beat him to the punch. His brother was always the one to save you from the imaginary bad guys and be your hero, while Kaeya faded into the background and was forced to watch as you kissed Diluc’s cheek in thanks.

Kaeya was the first to comfort you when you got injured, but it was always Diluc who ultimately cheered you up and restored your smile. When his relationship with his brother became strained, most of your attention was focused on Diluc who was mourning the loss of his father, not on Kaeya who had also lost Krepus.

To you, Kaeya always came second, and this time was no exception.

Though the news shattered his heart, Kaeya expertly masked his pain with a smile. If you wanted to be just friends, then so be it. He would accept anything you gave him because he craved any scrap of your affection that badly. Your presence comforted him in a way nothing else did, not even his favorite Death After Noon which he resorted to when he wanted to numb the sorrow and forget the painful memories, if only for a few hours. He didn’t want to lose the care and gentleness you showed him, even if it meant suffering through the heartache of knowing that your acts of kindness towards him weren’t out of romantic love. Kaeya could tolerate it, he was sure. He would move on and learn to be happy for you and his brother.

Even if his conversations with Diluc became more awkward because as much as he tried to hide his heartbreak, Diluc knew Kaeya was suffering deep down, he would still smile and try to be happy.

Even if he felt bile rise in his throat when he watched you and Diluc share a kiss and profess your love, Kaeya would smile because you must never learn of his secret romantic feelings for you. His unwanted feelings.

Even if he silently cried alone at home after attending your wedding, grasping at his chest where his aching heart was and downing glass after glass of liquor, Kaeya will plaster on that same smile.

Even if his unrequited love for you never waned no matter how many years passed, Kaeya will continue to wear a smile and act happy for you despite his heart still longing for your love.

Maybe he can’t ever be genuinely happy for you and his brother, but he can at least pretend to be.

👹 Xiao:

Xiao knew that befriending a human like you would only lead to disaster. No matter how many times he warned you to stay away from him because his karma would hurt you, you didn’t listen and continued to visit the lonely adeptus.

Xiao should have put an end to your visits by disappearing and relocating somewhere you wouldn’t be able to find him, but he didn’t. Something in him wanted to stay with you despite his better judgment. The way you brought him new trinkets and foods to try was endearing, albeit a waste of your time since Xiao seldom liked anything you brought.

He wasn’t sure why you were so adamant about befriending him, and when asked, you simply said that he seemed lonely and in need of a friend. Xiao found your reasoning naïve and even foolish since you were putting yourself in danger over an altruistic impulse, but no matter how much he pushed you away, you didn’t give up on him. You were persistent in your attempts to befriend the lonely adeptus, easily seeing through him. He only pushed you away because he was scared, not because he hated you.

Xiao wasn’t sure when exactly it happened, but one day he caught himself looking forward to your visits. He anticipated your arrival, patiently waiting for the moment he when would hear the familiar sound of your footsteps that made his heart race. His breath hitched and cheeks flushed when you smiled at him or playfully teased him. Anything you did sent his heart aflutter. Xiao was utterly smitten with you, yet he didn’t know what to do about these feelings. For now, he was content to simply let them be and enjoy these peaceful and happy days with you. He would explore these warm and airy feelings at his own pace and see where they lead.

However, these delicate emotions quickly turned as heavy as a boulder when you announced that you found a lover.

Xiao was surprised by the news since he didn’t think you had someone else you were as close to as him, if not more so. In hindsight, he should have expected it. You were a warm and friendly person, so it was only natural that you had other people you were close to in your life. This was how things should be. An adeptus like him did not belong by your side.

Though he was aware that it was for the best for you to find love and settle down with a fellow human, something inside Xiao’s chest ached at the thought. He was disappointed that he was not as special to you as he perceived, but he tried his best to ignore the pain and disappointment by burying them deep inside his heart. He tried to maintain the same demeanor he always did around you, but even you could tell that he seemed bothered by something. The way he became more reserved and aloof around you tipped you off that something weighed on his mind.

When you pressed him about it, he reluctantly confessed that he thought you would stop seeing him as much due to your new love. Despite your reassurances that you still wanted him around, as time progressed, you visited Xiao less and less often. You still brought him gifts and foods to try, but this time supplemented by comments about how your boyfriend Gaming gave them to you to try and give to your friends. Most of your conversations were no longer about your life anymore, instead now revolving around Gaming.

Your less frequent visits worried Xiao, so he sometimes stopped by Liyue Harbor to check in on you to see if you were alright. That was how Xiao found himself observing the progression of your relationship with Gaming.

As he watched you stroll around the harbor with the cheerful boy, Xiao found himself yearning to be the one you looped your arms around.

To be the one to make you smile and laugh.

To be the one to hold your hand and kiss you sweetly on the lips.

He wanted to be in Gaming’s shoes and discover what it’s like to be loved by you. However, each and every time, he shoved those thoughts and desires into the farthest recess of his mind, locking them away. He will not interfere, it is not his place. It’s better for everyone if you don’t love him. You would only get hurt being around him if you do. As a human, you would inevitably get hurt by his karma, and Xiao would never forgive himself if that happened.

If one day you drifted apart because you no longer had time for him, Xiao would accept it. It will hurt, but he will accept it.

It’s better this way, he tells himself. It’s better for you to love a fellow human, especially one that treats you right and makes you happy the way Gaming does. It didn’t matter if he wasn’t the one to give you happiness—all that ultimately mattered was that you were happy, even if not with him. Not that he truly believed he could make you happy…

He’s too dangerous to be worthy of your love, so it’s better this way…

It’s better this way.

🎧 Alhaitham:

When Alhaitham invited you over to his house, he never imagined that he was setting himself up for utter heartache. The number of times he invited a person over can be counted on one hand, yet you were one of the chosen few who piqued his interest enough to invite you to his private space. You were not a genius like him, but that did not matter. You understood his worldview and didn’t criticize him for his introverted personality, which he appreciated. Plus, you weren’t afraid to stand up to him if you thought he was being too cold or antisocial, and actively challenged him to step out of his comfort zone every now and then.

Having invited you to his house, you inevitably met his mess of a roommate. When you and Kaveh instantly hit it off, Alhaitham thought nothing of it at the time. The two of you got along, and Kaveh nagged at him less which was good enough for him.

However, with Kaveh being introduced into your life, your unusual friendship with Alhaitham started to change. Whenever you expressed a desire to come over or hang out with Alhaitham, you would always ask if Kaveh could join. Every time you met up with Alhaitham to share literature or get a cup of coffee, your topic of conversation would deviate to Kaveh.

The Scribe was no fool, and he could instantly tell that you developed feelings for his roommate. Something weighed heavy in his chest at that realization, but he chose not to ponder on that feeling too much, and simply brushed it aside. Alhaitham believed in letting people have free will over the development of their lives, so he didn’t stop you from seeking out the company of the architect, even when it resulted in you canceling plans with him.

Kaveh expressed similar behavior to you, constantly asking and talking about you like a schoolboy with a crush. It didn’t take much for the Scribe to figure out that the architect returned your romantic feelings. At the back of his mind, Alhaitham knew what this could result in, but even if something in him disliked the idea, he let things play their natural course. He figured you would know better than to go for Kaveh, a person plagued with deep-rooted issues that not just anyone could deal with.

It was only when he came home one day to find you cuddling up to and kissing Kaveh did that heavy feeling return with a vengeance. The sight of your happy smiles, the sound of your laughter, and the knowledge that Kaveh made you happier than you could ever be with him, weighed heavy on his chest like a boulder. It was difficult to breathe.

However, Alhaitham remained the picture of indifference and carried on to his room. You and Kaveh only spared him with a brief greeting before returning to your little romantic bubble, none the wiser about how the Scribe felt. Alhaitham himself didn’t know what he was feeling, and it wasn’t until much later when he was struggling to focus on reading his book did it finally hit him that he was heartbroken. His chest felt heavy with sadness and disappointment because he loved you, yet you did not want his love.

The realization came far too late, and Alhaitham was left with no choice but to accept that you would not be his. Maybe if he realized his feelings sooner the outcome would have been different? Maybe if he never invited you over, you wouldn’t have fallen for Kaveh? These questions, among various others, plagued him like a bad aftertaste in his mouth.

It was too late to change anything. You made your choice, and Alhaitham will respect it.

He hid his heartache behind an aloof demeanor and curt responses, going about his days as usual. It would be best if both you and Kaveh never found out about his unrequited love to avoid unnecessary drama and complications. Even if some days it was difficult to push down the heavy feelings pressing on his chest, Alhaitham hid them well.

The only times his carefully crafted facade cracks is when you hang out with just him, lost in your own thoughts or distracted by an activity, unaware that Alhaitham is looking at you. If anyone took the time to study his gaze, they would see that despite his stoic expression, Alhaithm’s eyes reflected pure yearning and sadness. As soon as you looked at him, though, he would quickly look away to avoid you finding out the truth.

He will respect your decision, even if it hurts him.

He will hide his pain to protect your happiness and friendship.

🍡 Thoma:

Ever since he first met you, Thoma knew you were off-limits. You were Ayato’s fiancée, after all. As attractive as he found you, he couldn’t get too close to you since you were already taken. He should have been content with simply befriending and serving you the way he served Ayaka and Ayato.

At first, he was.

Ever since being introduced to him, you were placed in Thoma’s care to have the loyal retainer familiarize you with the Kamisato estate and the workings of the Clan when Ayato was too busy to do so. Thoma could tell you were out of your element being engaged to someone of high political and social standing like his Lord, so he did his best to ease your nerves and help you acclimate to your new home. He surmised that being isolated in such a large manor with none of your usual friends and family around must have been lonely, so he chose to become your first friend at the estate.

Thoma regularly snuck you out to play with stray cats and dogs, and watched your face light up in a joyous smile when the animals sought out your affection. Thoma also taught you the ropes about acting like a noble. Due to your nerves, you sometimes made mistakes, but Thoma always helped you feel better by laughing off your blunders. When you expressed a desire to see your family and friends, Thoma accompanied you to the city and served as your protector. He knew what it felt like to be stranded away from family since he was separated from his mother in Mondstadt long ago, and he didn’t want you to miss your family the way he did.

Somewhere along the way, Thoma caught feelings.

He didn’t realize it immediately. It just hit him one day when he watched you and Ayato share an intimate moment on the veranda. He felt jealous and protective of you as he watched Ayato tenderly stroke your cheek and lean in for a kiss.

Thoma didn’t hate Ayato for being the one to capture your heart. He owed a lot to both the Kamisato siblings for accepting an immigrant like him and giving him a place to belong when nobody else in Inazuma did. He is eternally grateful to them for that. For this reason, his jealousy was quickly replaced with shame and guilt because he shouldn’t have feelings for you. You were Ayato’s fiancée, he knew that. You already have someone else in your heart, someone whom Thoma serves out of a sense of respect and loyalty. He would never have it in him to ruin the idyllic happiness shared between you and his Lord.

With no other option, Thoma chooses to keep his feelings for you hidden. He plays the role of your best friend perfectly, being mindful of not touching you unnecessarily or for longer than is appropriate, no matter how much he wants to. He maintains a respectful distance between you, both physically and figuratively.

Though he brushes aside your occasional puzzled glance at his sudden change in behavior, Ayato knows. Thoma can fool you, but he can’t fool Ayato. His Lord knows what’s really brewing behind the surface of the blond’s cheerful smile.

But Thoma steps back and shows Ayato that he has no intentions of getting in the way of his relationship with you. You do not love him the way you love Ayato, and that is the reality of the situation. If you want Thoma to be your friend, then he will happily remain as one, no matter how much his heart bleeds to not mean something more to you.

Thoma will smile for you, so you won’t know that something is wrong. Because nothing is wrong, he thinks. His feelings are not necessary, and he will do his best to move on to not impede the happiness of his Lord and yourself.

The only time he slipped up was when he tucked away a stray strand of your hair on your wedding day. His fingers brushed against the soft skin of your cheek for a bit longer than appropriate, but quickly pulled away to not rouse your suspicion any further. Wishing you luck, Thoma saw you off with that same warm smile plastered on his face as you prepared to meet up with Ayato to begin the wedding ceremony.

He will smile for you. Even if his heart feels like it’s being torn apart, and there’s a thick lump in his throat that makes it hard for him to speak, the least Thoma could do is smile. He will support you on your road to happiness, even if it’s not with him.

🔶 Zhongli:

Zhongli had met many people during his very long life, but few left as deep of an impression on him as you did. You were an ordinary human, a friend of Hu Tao’s he occasionally saw when you stopped by to chat with the funeral director. At first glance, there wasn’t anything particularly outstanding about you, but Zhongli found himself drawn to your energy.

When Hu Tao introduced you to him, he took an immediate liking to you and your boundless curiosity for the knowledge and stories he had to share. It was no secret that Zhongli was wise and well-informed about many things, and you saw him as a source of trivia and riveting tales about events long past.

Your undivided attention and bright eyes endeared you to Zhongli, and the god grew fond of you. He invited you to more outings where he shared interesting stories and answered any questions you had about anything at all. He had fun in your presence and was delighted to be called your dear friend.

Zhongli was well aware that there were deeper feelings brewing in his heart for you, but he was in no rush to explore or act upon them. He was content to take his time and allow your relationship with him to develop at a natural pace. Perhaps one day the two of you would grow even closer, and he would divulge his greatest secret to you about his hidden identity. For now, he would accompany you around Liyue as your friend, and share his boundless knowledge with you.

When you suddenly started zoning out during one of his long-winded speeches, he wondered if something was weighing on your mind. At first, you sheepishly brushed his concern away, saying it was nothing. When you began canceling your dates with Zhongli and scheduling fewer of them than usual, his concern deepened. When he asked for the reason behind these changes, your answer left him conflicted.

It was a charming young man from Snezhnaya, you divulged to Zhongli. A young man going by the name Tartaglia, with eyes the deepest blue you’ve ever seen, sporting a striking red scarf and mask that made him easy to spot in a crowd. Zhongli instantly knew you were talking about Childe, the Eleventh Fatui Harbinger.

He warned you about the dangers of associating yourself with a man like Tartaglia, but that didn’t stop you from meeting the Harbinger on a regular basis. You were enamored with that Snezhnayan rascal, and Zhongli could do nothing but watch as you abandoned his company in favor of Childe’s. You still considered Zhongli as a friend and tried to make time for him, but spurred by your romantic feelings, you chose to prioritize Tartaglia over the former archon.

Watching you run off to be with another man left a bitter feeling in the back of Zhongli’s throat, akin to the bitterness of green tea. But perhaps, things were better off this way. You were a human, whereas Zhongli was a god. He was an ancient being that had lived thousands of years and would continue to live for hundreds if not thousands more, long after your death. He does not age the way you do, not to mention that him being not human might put you off.

Yes, it was better for you to be with someone of your own kind, even if Zhongli disapproved of the man you had chosen. However, seeing how happy you were with Tartaglia, perhaps he was wrong about the impulsive Harbinger. Childe spoiled you with gifts and meals, took you out to see new sights that Zhongli could not, and gave you a vast array of new experiences that the ancient god couldn’t hope to give you. Not to mention, Childe was a fierce and reliable protector, so despite his dangerous occupation, you were in safe hands.

You smiled more with Tartaglia than you ever did with Zhongli, and he knew that he had lost. There were very few battles Zhongli had faced defeat in throughout his long life of fighting wars, but battles of the heart were not his forte. In the battlefield of love, he was the obvious loser. At least, he could accept that fact.

Or so he thought.

The day you announced you were leaving Liyue to go live with Tartaglia in Snezhnaya, made Zhongli’s blood run cold.

Zhongli had lost many people he held dear to him, so he was used to the pain and heartache that came with loss. It still inevitably hurt, but he knew how to cope with that loss better. Losing you was a different sort of heartache, though. Knowing there was a possibility he could see you, yet being denied that privilege because your love for another man was far stronger than your attachment to anything in Liyue was a bitter pill to swallow.

Just like all the other friends and comrades he had to part with, you were also leaving his life, yet your departure was voluntary. You simply did not need him anymore. Not the way he needed you, at least. You made your decision, and Zhongli will respect it, even if something in him is screaming to convince you to stay, to not leave him for good.

He sees you off with a carefully crafted smile and all the best wishes for your future in another land. As a parting gift, he gives you a beautifully ornate hairpin. A token of your friendship, he called it, though in reality, it was his unspoken love confession. Even if you never pick up on the hidden meaning, that was alright. As long as you kept his gift, a piece of his heart would always be with you.

🍷 Kaveh:

To Kaveh, you were a warm ray of light. Whenever he felt down due to bad customers or haunting memories about his father’s untimely death, you would always be there to get him out of his depressive state and prevent him from overindulging in alcohol. You knew how to get through to him when Alhaitham couldn’t, simply by speaking with empathy and gentleness towards him, which is something Kaveh greatly appreciated. Having been faced with tragedy after tragedy, and Alhaitham’s constant harsh criticisms, your gentleness was like a soothing balm to his wounded heart.

Against his wishes, Kaveh fell in love with you. How could he not when you were so understanding and kind? He knew your relationship with him was strictly platonic, but a part of him hoped that maybe you loved him too. That maybe the two of you could be more than friends.

Being a romantic, Kaveh had daydreamed about you a lot, doodling pictures of you in his sketchbook while spinning fantasies about being in a romantic relationship with you. He pictured all the various dates he would take you on, how he would lean in to kiss you for the first time, how he would profess his undying love and hear you say those same three words back to him.

“I love you.”

The day he got to hear you say those words did come, but unlike in his fantasies, your words were not directed at Kaveh. No, instead, you said them to Alhaitham.

It felt like something out of a bad dream the way Kaveh had accidentally stumbled upon your intimate moment with Alhaitham while stepping out of his room to get a drink. He stood behind the corner, getting a glimpse of you straddling Alhaitham’s lap on the living room couch, yet going unnoticed by either of you.

Hearing your earnest confession of love directed at Alhaitham of all people, made his heart sink to the pit of his stomach. Bile rose to his throat when Alhaitham awkwardly reciprocated your feelings and cupped your face in a tender gesture that Kaveh didn’t know the Scribe was even capable of. Once you started to lean closer to Alhaitham’s face, Kaveh quickly made it back to his room, slamming the door shut in his haste to get away from that sight. The loud sound alerted the both of you to his presence, but Kaveh was too heartbroken to care.

What followed were weeks of agonizing turmoil. Kaveh knew he should be happy for Alhaitham. The antisocial Scribe deserved to be happy with someone he loved, but a part of him felt resentful that you chose Alhaitham over him. His fights with Alhaitham became more frequent. Kaveh nitpicked everything Alhaitham did out of jealousy, sparking conflicts that were not as easily waved away and forgotten as before. That resentment turned into guilt as Kaveh felt like a horrible person and friend for being jealous. He didn’t want to argue with Alhaitham, but he couldn’t help himself when his emotions were such a mess. He couldn’t control the impulses.

Alhaitham wasn’t stupid and quickly figured out that Kaveh was lashing out at him because of his broken heart. He had known about Kaveh’s feelings for you. The architect didn’t even try to hide his infatuation towards you, and talked about you at length to him. But you had made your choice: you gave your heart to Alhaitham, not Kaveh, and Kaveh needed to respect that. Alhaitham didn’t mince his words when he told Kaveh he needed to let go of his feelings for you because you weren’t romantically interested in him, but instead of helping, it only hurt Kaveh worse.

Of course you chose Alhaitham and not him. Compared to Alhaitham, he had no money to speak of, no house, and a mountain of debt. Moreover, he tended to overindulge in alcohol and get moody easily, plus you often told him that he hurt you with his self-destructive behaviors… It was only reasonable that Alhaitham would be a better choice in your eyes. After all, he will never be good enough for you. Not a failure like him.

You would always be an unattainable light he will admire from afar but never touch because someone like him is unworthy of you. He’s unworthy of your love—your kindness, even—and you deserve someone much, much better who can truly make you happy.

Kaveh knew all that, yet it didn’t stop his heart from shattering to pieces every time he saw you with his roommate. It felt like his heart was pierced with multiple shards of glass every time he saw you give affection to Alhaitham, those same hugs and kisses he daydreamed about having with you, but he didn’t let it show. Kaveh would pull on a strained smile and pretend that everything was okay, pretend that he was genuinely happy for you. He truly wanted to be. Dear god did he try to be, but he could not. It hurt too much to see you with another.

When the pain became too much, Kaveh started to visit Lambad’s Tavern on a frequent basis. He wasn’t proud of himself for reverting back to his bad habit of getting blackout drunk to drown out his pain and sorrow, but it was the only thing that helped him cope with the heartache.

Kaveh would drink heavily almost on a daily basis. Lambad became witness to the many times Kaveh broke down crying, and many other times when he would laugh in a self-deprecating manner and smile wryly while muttering something under his breath.

The architect had to be regularly escorted home by his friends, preferably someone other than Alhaitham because Kaveh became quite volatile when the Scribe came to take his drunk friend home. So one time, you came to take him home. Kaveh's recent avoidance of you had become worrisome, and Alhaitham wouldn’t tell you why.

While carrying the plastered blond back to your boyfriend’s house, in his drunken haze, Kaveh had confessed to you. He babbled about how much he loved you, that he was sorry he wasn’t worthy of you, and how much he wished to be loved by you the same way.

He’s sorry he can’t be a good friend to you because of his feelings.

He’s sorry he’s such a mess.

He’s sorry. So very sorry.

[rentonotnerd]

Since the ramble already started…

I think Byleth and Jeritza can actually have a healthier relationship than most of my other pairings. Despite the fact that neither of them can be defined as healthy in the proper sense, they are both intelligent and responsible adults, and they don’t avoid problems. Maybe they don’t talk much but they are willing to communicate, with clearness and efficiency so there will hardly be any misunderstandings. More importantly, they were only enemies due to different sidings (which was just work) and there isn’t any resentment between them, nor conflict of interest, nor divided values, nor taboo or complexity of any sort… they are completely free to love each other. And their love is simple, Jeritza doesn’t even understand it at first, only acting by following his instincts (the most primitive and sincere feelings) and he is not afraid or shy to explore it: the way he curiously admits “feeling oddly” when looking at Byleth in their B-support or the way he carefully pronounces love in their S-support with such wonder… or the way he shamelessly describes his imaginations in their A-support right in front of Byleth looking about to come in his pants (honestly it’s so funny when Byleth be like are you done…?) So, okay, his understanding of those feelings is a bit chaotic (I seriously suspect he mixes sexual needs with the urge to kill) but he’s got the best professor to guide him, and judging by the way he speaks he seems to be really drawn to romance and devotion (tbh he speaks like a vampire prince in some YA novel). Despite the other things they go through, the way they treat each other can be so sweet, so pure. The only problem is death knight and his incessant urge to fight Byleth to death, but Byleth is more than capable to protect themselves and there is no need to run from it. I’m not convinced that they can get rid of that danger for good but I believe they can live in some kind of balance with it: they can spar, or go haunting, or take a mercenary job, or just do some scenes in the bedroom… and life will go on just fine. There is nothing stopping them.

[suckerforcate]

Hello! It's me again, I have an idea once more. What if in the kingdom Brienne is staying at, the reader is a poet. The reader poems about her everyday, but doesn't think her love would be given back. So she settles for trying to make her day, every day. The reader wants to boost Brienne's confidence. So she leaves the poems where Brienne will find them. Until one day Brienne catches the reader. I'll leave the ending up to you though.

If my heart could speak

Pairing: Brienne of Tarth x Reader

Word Count: 1288

Warning: none

A/n: So this idea was really beautiful and I quite like how it turned out. Though I habe to admit I did not wrote the poems myself, I am rather the one for Epic rather than Lyric. So the first one is from Rupi Kaur, the second one is from Akexandra Vasiliu, the third one is from stefaniebriarpoetry from Instagram and the last one is from Kiersten White! I have just changed the pronouns in the third one to 'you'.

The day Brienne had arrived in the Kingdom and you had laid eyes on her, it had happened. You had fallen in love. Well, at the beginning you probably weren't really in love. But you were absolutely mesmerised by her beauty, her grace, her eyes, the stories behind them, her smile, her voice, everything about her. The falling in love had just happened, like a natural process.

All your life your poems had been inspired by the beauty you found in simple things. So it was no wonder that your poems started being about Brienne more and more, until at some point you didn't write about anything else but your love and adoration for her.

It was absolutely clear to you, that she's never reciprocate your feelings, why should she? You were just a poet, nothing as special as her, a knight. So you had settled with leaving your poems all around her, in places where you knew she would find them. She had implied that people hadn't always treated her nicely, so you made it your job to remind her of her own beauty.

The first poem you had felt was good enough to be seen by her eyes, was a very small one. You wanted to start little.

If you are broken

and they have left you

do not question

whether you were

enough

the problem was

you were enough

they were not able to carry it

It was small and yet it said everything it needed to say. You had sneaked into Brienne's room as she was away and put it on top her neatly folded night clothes on her bed.

With each time you got bolder in the choice of your poem, they got more specific, you opened up more. Showed more of your feelings.

If my heart could speak,

it would say to you,

"I will not let you go,

I will hold you

in my arms

forever."

This one you had placed on the chair she always sat on at dinner, right before she had come in, making sure she would actually get it. Before sneaking out you had looked at her, seeing her read it and a slight smile appearing. What you didn't see was the way her smile promptly left and Brienne looked around, a mix of anger and sadness on her face.

The next time you laid down the one you probably liked the most, it was purely about her beauty. The way you were absolutely in awe of her.

The sunlight caught your eyes,

the wind whipped your hair

around the curves of your face,

and I was undone...

desperate to trace constellations

between every freckle

and scar on your body:

your body that would burn for me,

wearing nothing but moonlight

until stirring with the dawn

our fingers still laced,

our tongues still eager by morning.

This one had found its place on the table in her room, together with some flowers you had picked for her. You sincerely hoped she hadn't seen you pick them and would find out that the poems were from you.

--------------------

You had just sneaked into Brienne's room again, wanting to lay down the next poem. You saw the flowers you had picked and given her the day before, in a vase with water in them. Your heart swelled, and you stayed in her room just a moment too long. As you heard the door behind you open, you stiffened. How would you come out of this situation, hastily you grabbed the poem to hide it.

"(Y/n)? What are you doing here?" You slowly turned around, your mind rattling for an excuse.

"I-" you didn't get any further, as Brienne interrupt you. She had seen the paper in your hand.

"(Y/n), what do you have there?" As if it would help, you shoved it further behind your back.

"It's nothing, really." She didn't believe you, of course she didn't.

"Read it to me, please." You thought she looked scared, even sad. So you just did. You knew it'd probably ruin everything, but you just did it.

I didn't fall in love with you.

I walked into love with you,

with my eyes wide open,

choosing to take

every step along the way.

I do believe in fate and destiny,

but I also believe

we are only fated

to do the things

that we'd choose anyway.

And I'd choose you;

in a hundred lifetimes,

in a hundred worlds,

in any version of reality,

I'd find you, and I'd choose you.

Brienne's eyes filled with sadness, anger and confusion. You had messed it up, of course you had. You were so stupid.

"Why do you do this? Are you trying to mock me? Do you think this is funny?" Now you were confused, utterly. You had just told her that you were in love with her.

"I don't understand, what do you mean?" Brienne seemed to get angrier. Her voice louder than before and yet it seemed to break.

"You're making fun of me, with these poems. Putting them to places where I'll see them, ruining my day. People have called me cruel things, but no one has ever tried to hurt me so deeply." This was the actual opposite of your intention. So you had ruined it, but on a totally different way than you had thought.

You put the poem down and approached Brienne, wanting to put a hand in her arm. But she flinched, taking a step back.

"Don't touch me!" Her voice was thinner now, through suppressed tears. You took a step back.

"Ok, ok. I won't touch you. It's alright. But I'd like to speak, just listen. Is that okay? If you don't want to, I'll leave." You wanted to show her, that she was in control. You wouldn't do anything she didn't want.

"Talk." It lacked her usual kindness, but it was a confirmation nonetheless.

"First of all, I'm sorry if I've hurt you. In whatever way. That's the last thing I wanted to do. My initial thought was to brighten up your day. Show you how amazing you are, how much I love you. I apologise if I've overstepped." Brienne had sat down, while you were talking. She had calmed down and looked at you, still unsure whether to trust you or not.

"You don't mean that." It's just who she was, untrusting, unsure about herself. Not thinking she was loveable. She could tear herself away from those thoughts.

You slowly approached her, waiting if she'd send you away again. She didn't, so you kneeled down in front of her, gently taking her hand in yours.

"I do. More than I have ever meant anything in my life. All those poems, I've written them with you in mind. For I can't think of anything but you, since you have arrived. My mind is completely filled with you." She looked in your eyes, searching for any sign that you are lying. But to her own surprise she didn't find any. Your eyes were filled with honesty, love and adoration. Things she had never seen in anyone's eyes directed towards her.

Ashamed of her own feelings, all she could say was: "What if I'd happen to feel quite similar?"

Your eyes shone, she was sure now of your truthfulness.

"That, Brienne, would make me the happiest person alive." You stood up a little and leaned into her, gently stroking her cheek, making her blush under your touch. Before you could overthink it, you mildly kissed her. Capturing the salty remains of a tear. Moving away and looking at her, you could just smile. Over how happy you were, but mostly over the bright red that graced Brienne's cheek.

[sunflowercider]

im losing it im losing it the ""solution"" to the restoration of destiny is quite literally the cruelest thing you could do to lloyd and javier

"[...] you or Javier Asrahan must die or vanish from this world.]

fuck you for putting this line directly after we hear how lloyd wants them to grow old together. BK Moon didnt think shanking me was enough, he needed to twist the knife

First off, basic knowledge. Lloyd and Javier love the fiefdom. They love it. Lloyd couches his love in his pragmatism and his desire for a relaxing life, but this man now sincerely cares for his fiefdom so much. Javier, from before we even met him, we knew he loved the fiefdom, first as the place his lord was from, and then as his new home. This is not in question for either of them.

Second, macro level - either of these boys "leaving" the fiefdom, either by death or "vanishing", would be a complete loss to the fiefdom. Javier clearly notes this a few times about Lloyd, and how his knowledge is the key to the fiefdoms flourishing success. Lloyd I dont think has ever even considered Javier not being around for the fiefdom, but he HAS been likened to a weapon of mass destruction, and losing someone that would be absolutely devastating to the fiefdoms strength. Thus, on a purely practical level that boys like to pretend they work on, the loss of either person is incalculable.

Now thirdly... thirdly is the fucking juicy personal level. These two are besties. Theyve been through a lot of shit together, from insurmountable debt and obviously terrifying battles. These two, originally isolated from other people due to harsh circumstances, found a home in the Frontera fiefdom, and then each other. They are not the type of guys who can open up easily; i think Javier has 1 other friend and its Julian, another Frontera, and Lloyd literally just admitted to us that Javier is his one friend. It took them -checks notes- 220 chapters to admit they were friends at all.

So i think it's fair to say that these two are the type to be cautious with their hearts... and then cling like a bear trap to anyone who can break in. Hell, thats literally the plot of The Knight of Blood and Iron - Javier never lets go of his connection to his lord, even long after his death, and when important people ask for his loyalty instead. Now toss in the recent chapter where Javier swears that Lloyd is his true master in his heart. And then, of course, Lloyds desire to give Javier peace he didnt get in TKoBaI and have him by his side until they grow old together.

Now. Stir all that together, and present the solution that one of them must stop existing for their home continue to exist

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 20/10/2023

SING A SONG ABOUT HOPES AND DREAMS

Season 7 Featured on: SGFR Presents: RIP²

Ripped by BobTheTacocat

20-RIP CELEBRATION DAY!!

You may be a little confused reading the bottom of that metadata - What's so special about today that's worth celebrating? Well, its more of a personal milestone, something I've been keeping track of in anticipation of this day, and it just so happened to land on the perfect date.

See, here's a little behind-the-scenes peek on how I manage this blog: I actually keep track of how many rips per season I've covered in total as to ensure I don't run off-track, and always keep the blog fresh. Without any sort of regulation like that it'd quickly become evident which periods of the channel I favored more, and it would no longer be a celebration of the channel in its entirety. I love SiIvaGunner - ALL of SiIvaGunner - but sometimes I forget just how far reaching that is, and this restriction helps keep me on track with the blog's goals.

I specify this, because as of this post, I've reached Twenty Rips Covered For Each Season on the blog. That's right - Twenty rips from Season 1, twenty rips from Season 2, Twenty rips from Season 3, and so forth, a perfect balance attained on the twentieth day of the month. That adds up to 160 rips covered in this blog's history, which is quite frankly a ridiculous number! I never thought I'd reach this point upon starting up the blog, but I'm so so happy to have finally settled into a groove of posting, and getting to hear the thoughts and gratitude from so many talented rippers I've long looked up to.

I want this blog to celebrate the entirety of SiIvaGunner. It is not a simple obsession with the nostalgic days of old, but a look into every single nook and cranny, no matter how under or over-appreciated, where everyone gets their due respects. And funny enough, a certain project on SiIvaGunner that released just recently has followed almost that exact same mission statement - RIP², the album of my fucking dreams and the latest effort from the SiIvaGunner Fusion Records project. Its entire mission purpose is to remix and rearrange pieces of every single part of SiIvaGunner's history.

Season 1's early days of Epic Flintstones and Stickerbrush State of Mind are paid respects to with arrangements like Super Grand Dad Bicycle Arrangement To Make Your Head Crumble Away™ and 7 YEARS LATER AND WE STILL JAMMIN', while the lore and holiday celebration of Season 2 as seen in voiceless and Follow μ’s receive love with jazzless and Winter Holiday at Route 216 -HQ Edit-. For Season 3, its joy, mystery and beauty as shown in :D and a certain storyline in the Christmas Comeback Crisis are reciprocated with the hilariously titled :3 and LD. Memories of Season 4's fierce tournament brawls and sincere, pure-hearted festivities as seen with Vote Responsibly!! and A love letter to this wonderful community and my amazing friends come flooding back with Yearning for the Tournaments of Yesteryear and Welcome to the Gaylord Resort!, while the quality tinged with sadness that defined Season 6 with rips like Fell From a High Place (Reprise) is rightfully honored with The Knight Sees Sunlight for the First Time. Finally, of course, there's the sheer unpredictable chaos of Season 7 as discussed in Hidden Headtoilets (skibidi toree 2), highlighted in all its absurdity with The Raft Ride of Terror. Its as if every rip on the entire channel, either with direct arrangements or indirect tributes, is paid respects to in one giant 96-track long loveletter to every single SiIvaGunner fan. It is impossible to not find at least one track in the setlist that clicks with you.

I did, however, deliberately exclude one season from the above rundown: the pure, unfiltered joy of Season 5, shown in rips like Story of Undertale, Field of Love and Cringe, or indeed, today's rip.

After a long, long process of going back and forth on which rip to highlight for today, I've finally landed on SING A SONG ABOUT HOPES AND DREAMS. The rip its arranging, Field of Love and Cringe, is immensely important to both SiIvaGunner and this blog - it was part of the initial first month of posts I ever made on the blog and was the first post to ever reach double-digit notes back when I hosted this project on my own personal blog. For SiIvaGunner, the impact that Antonymph Noelle has had on SiIva is hard to understate - its infiltrated the Undertale/Deltarune fandom in a way that next to no other SiIvaGunner rips have ever done, and possibly even influenced the direction her character was to be written in other canon material released past Deltarune Chapter 2. In the YouTube upload above, you'll find me under my YouTube account - YouMelTube - as the top comment reminiscing on this specific phenomenon, she's effectively singlehandedly become the face of the SiIvaGunner artwork tags on sites such as here on Tumblr and on Twitter, at this point only rivaled by Wood Man. Field of Love and Cringe, and all the work that went into it by all of its different talented artists and musicians, is absolutely legendary, and shows that SiIva is well able to continue being impactful past its initial Season 1 channel ending.

With all of that in mind, SING A SONG ABOUT HOPES AND DREAMS is as perfect of an arrangement, as perfect of a celebration as one could ever dream of. BobTheTacocat understands what drew people to the original rip to a mesmerizing degree and remixes it into an equally captivating hyper-pop style, which feels almost like the modern-day equivalent of the 2000s-core nostalgia that Antonymph so successfully evokes. The rip's core vocals remain, yet the arrangement's lead melody as carried by its synths goes in wholly new directions, many times feeling completely disconnected from the Field of Hopes and Dreams track its based on: its a reimagining in the truest sense of the word, channelling the spirit of the original absolutely perfectly.

No matter where it goes, though, its always happy - always celebrating, always proud of what SiIvaGunner has become and is. I'm not ashamed to admit the raw emotions that this arrangement made me feel upon its premiere, and the further emotions the album as a whole gave me. It's the loveletter I never knew I wanted but am now so, so eternally thankful for.

Thank you. Thank you to the SiIvaGunner team, and to the SiIvaGunner fans, the SiIvaGunner discord, and anyone else who has followed this blog, or interacted with it at any point of its 160-rip run. Let's never stop loving rips of the highest quality.

<3