#I love how he was able to recreate the feeling of perspective of the original painting while making the animation

[you-should-care-about-animation]

The battle of San Romano | Georges Schwizgebel (2017)

Niccolò Mauruzi da Tolentino unseats Bernardino della Carda at the Battle of San Romano, Paolo Uccello, dating uncertain 1435–1455

[primreaperstuff]

I just had a thought: Everybody seems to be assuming that the Society of the Blind Eye (SBE) Dippers and Mabels in the Book of Bill were created during that summer. But what if they actually were what happened had Dipper taken that internship with Ford? I got the idea because the guys in the hoods look a good deal taller than the other Dippers and Mabels. I mean, it could just be the perspective, but I thought they looked like they might've gotten the chance to grow a bit more than the others. If you assume Left Hood is Mabel, (based off of their nose possibly being the same color as the rest of their face), it's also possible that she's lasted long enough in one timeline to get her braces off.

Alex Hirsch has said that Ford would've made the same mistakes with Dipper that he did with Fiddleford McGucket, so Dipper the Intern would've eventually ended up going insane like McGucket did. And McGucket originally founded the SBE as a direct consequence of Ford's bullshit. (Sorry Ford baby, I do love you-- but you are completely unfit to raise a technically-teenage boy full-time!)

I wouldn't put it past a traumatized older Dipper to figure out how to rebuild the memory gun (or maybe it never got destroyed in the first place?). At first he was just hoping to be able to sleep again but it takes its toll on his mind after awhile and he unwittingly ends up recreating the SBE (perhaps because he doesn't remember it-- or doesn't remember how bad it really was for people). Or alternatively, Ford, having been enabled for years by somebody who either can't or won't tell him no, proposes a truly horrible idea that even Dipper can't go along with. Dipper resorts to trying to wipe Ford's memory of the idea to ensure he never acts on it, but it fails and permanently ruins the relationship. Dipper is ashamed, alone, and afraid, so he uses the gun on himself so those bad memories of failure don't stop him from stopping Ford. It snowballs into repeated uses of the gun (turns out that forgetting what you're afraid of means forgetting why you don't use the gun more often!) until the poor guy can't bring himself to do anything in public without it. Dipper has enough perfectionist tendencies that, if something caused him to go off the rails, I could see him constantly using the memory gun to redo his interactions with people until they go exactly the way he's decided they're supposed to.

The dark path for Mabel would be worse in some ways. Imagine that this is a world where Mabel encouraged Dipper to take the internship instead of getting upset about it. Maybe she even unwittingly pressured him into accepting it when he was going to turn it down, because she thought it would be awesome for him, only to get hit with the horrible reality when the next summer rolls around and he's obviously Not Okay. She feels partially responsible and wishes he never had to experience any of the terrible stuff he alludes to, and that leads her to remaking/refinding the memory gun as the next best thing to making the bad things unhappen. Of course Ford figures out what she's done quickly, so she tried to use it on him to make him forget that internships and memory guns exist. It doesn't work and they get into a big nasty fight. Later Soos pops in to ask how things are going after some horrible event that Dipper no longer remembers, causing Dipper to regain his memory of the incident, so Mabel uses the gun on Soos and Dipper. Ford is angry, so Mabel bolts and hides from him, using the gun to prevent other people from reporting her whereabouts to him (and later McGucket, because you can bet Ford told him all about this).

It all spirals from there-- the key being that Mabel never uses the gun on herself because she's fully aware of how bad it is for people. She knows the SBE was bad, but reasons that it was bad because it was lead astray by the selfishness of people like Bud Gleeful rather than the fact that it existed to control people and dodge taking responsibility for anything. She self-rationalizes that PTSD and people actively seeking out monsters would be worse than the effects of the gun. Later she adds the rationalization that she's done it so often that there's no point in stopping because it would only mean that her targets would have to deal with both their trauma and the bad effects of the gun.

Either way, Gravity Falls ends up becoming like Lovecraft town where it's all nice-looking and stuff but you don't linger, go off the beaten path, or ask questions, lest you end up getting stuck there permanently like the Pines family. Just deliver the packages and go the fuck home before the sun comes down.

(Fuck, I forgot about the metal plate in Ford's head. Edited to account for that.)

[fortyconsoles2023]

Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy

Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy is truly an incredible recreation. Just as significantly, it is truly an original, thought-provoking rendition of an iconic Marvel property. After actively playing it, I'd love to delve deep into the stories that gave birth to this diverse cast of characters. And right now, I believe I will, because I've fallen even more in love with this world. Despite the world being flooded with superheroes appearing on screens, it is only in the most recent decade that gamers have been graced with truly original and entertaining games based on comic book qualities. With Guardians of the Galaxy, enthusiasts retain one of the most enjoyable magazine titles available, which can distinguish it from the wildly popular MCU label and transform the vibrant, illustrated universe that it is based on. The very first hurdle the Guardians of the Galaxy needed to manage was differentiating it from James Gunn's vision.

The rapid-fire banter between all five characters in the show is unstoppable. While that word could enjoy a negative connotation, however, I can imagine no other word to fully summarize this. The talks are interspersed with exciting experiences like combat and dogfights, idle walks, and even death-defying experiences. The player's ears are filled with words as Groot can speak his signature, "I am Groot," and Rocket is translating, and Gamora, as well as Drax, are engaged in their precious dialog. These heroes speak, but it never appears objective. Every word, joke, or cruel comment is based on a thought-provoking perspective, which the writers utilized to make the characters more distinct. The dialogue never felt like an overflow of nonsense. This is definitely how the Guardians communicate within their group and with one another. When you discover souvenirs hidden far away in each world, you'll also be able to have further dialogue with other Guardians, which fleshes out their particular roles and backstories and provides quite possibly the most individual connections within the overall game. There are also binary dialogue decisions; frequently, they ask you to choose against one Guardian or the other and make decisions about how precisely to manage an issue or determine what the focus of your team should be. Our website is the best place to buy cheap New PS4 games. The battles are spectacular. People are in control of Quill at all times during every battle and truly feel like the head of the Guardians. Drax and Co. all have their strengths, and they'll also take on battle independently; however, they take instructions from Quill. Each hero offers a certain ability to win battles, whether it's crowd control (Groot) or the capacity to inflict significant damage (Gamora). The way you use their strengths can determine the course of the challenge. In battle, players race through the streets, shooting their guns at enemies and then dodging using rocket boots of Peter. The more Peter is the enemy, the more destruction he will cause. Firing will not last forever because the weapons will eventually overheat, but they can usually be quickly recharged if you hit R2 at the right time. Fans, like Peter, are designed to fight with their minds. Through narrative evolution or ability tips, Peter and the remaining Guardians have four abilities that are unlocked and placed on buttons on their faces. Peter's capabilities can be activated by clicking the left stick. It can be somewhat awkward at times when fighting. The group is activated by pressing L1, focusing on an opponent, pressing an appropriate face button for an individual teammate, and then hammering a distinct face control key that is assigned to the participant's specific skill. Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy is the perfect example of a Marvel video game that has an array of thrilling episodes and thoughtful junctures. The images immediately capture the viewer's attention with stunning views and vibrant colors ranging from neon lights and the markets at Knowhere to the vast scenery of Lady Hellbenders' Seknarf Nine. In addition to the amazing graphics, there are facial animations.

[makingspiritualityreal]

Numerology Life Path 1 - Your Birth Card and its Ruling Planet

Numerology Life Path Numbers and their assigned Tarot Card Meaning Series

This is the first post in my astrology/numerology/tarot series, that only concerns you, if you are a Life Path 1. Posts on consecutive Life Path Numbers will follow. Originally, I wanted to do them all in one post, but my writing turned out to be so long, I decided to split the post and seperate the Life Path Numbers. The introduction part of the post will be the same for all Life Path Numbers, in case you only read a post about your own Life Path Number, and nothing else.

Introduction   

The concept of a Birth Card links Tarot and Numerology together, in order to deepen our understanding of a vibration of a Life Path Number we are born with. The Birth Card, or rather Birth Cards, are Major Arcana Tarot Cards with assigned numbers, which correlate with Life Path Numbers. Understanding the meaning of tarot cards, mixed with the knowledge of Numerology Vibrations, helps create a more unique vision of your life experience.

A person with any given Life Path Number, having several Major Arcana energies present in their lives, usually struggles with one of the energies more than the other. As a result, life will probably force them to focus on mastering one of these energies. In general, however, any Life Path describes both your biggest downfall and ultimate triumph - just like with an Astrology Chart, the highlighted numbers/astrology houses point to your biggest strengths and weaknesses. For a better understanding of this concept, visit my article “Natal Chart - A map of your issues?”

Remember, that everyone, besides their Life Path Number and Birth Card also has a unique astrology chart. Thus, for some people embracing the higher expression of their energy is easier, for others it’s harder and it takes more time to master, and some energies become easier to deal with than others. Most human beings are somewhere in between, working on their path and having some achievements while struggling with difficulties at the same time 

In the spiritual community, there are differences in opinion on linking Astrological Planets and positions to specific numerology numbers energies. My take is a result of my own personal experience, conversations with other people in my field and research, in order to give you the widest possible spectrum of ideas and increase the understanding of every Life Path Number.

If you are a Master Number 11, 22 or 33, there will be a seperate post on how the Birth Cards apply to you as well. 

Even If you have only a basic understanding of Astrology, Tarot or Numerology, this post will still be helpful to you, because it describes the unique vibrational mix that comes from the expression of both these spiritual sciences mixed together. To calculate which Tarot Cards and what Life Path correspond to your birthday, click here.

Life Path 1 - The Wheel of Fortune, the Sun and the Magician 

One of the biggest struggles of a Life Path 1 is their need to release control patterns, and instead channel them into direction and embrace their own unique path through allowing themselves to be different and authentic. This requires these people to accept an element of faith in their lives, because as a pioneer, they won’t have any easy, familiar, logical guidelines or role models to follow. They have to learn how to identify, trust and listen to and follow their inner voice. That intuitive voice then leads them to a creative manifestation of their life path, as they become a trendsetter, leader and guide for others. Faith in their case means believing in themselves and their path, even if they can’t see a precise outline, and even if they have noone to validate their vision. 

Being born with this life path brings with it issues of the opposite nature to its purpose, before these natives manage to step into their unique creative or leadership position. These people may face rejection, ostracism and lack of acceptance for who they are, they may be rejected for not fitting in, for being “different” and misunderstood, starting with their family circle. This brings out the shadow side of the life path 1, which is practicing control, conformism and people pleasing, while they close off their heart and hide away from following their path. This can happen especially if they carry lingering intense trauma from all the rejection and possible abandonment they faced early on in their lives. Difficult situations can lead a Life Path 1 to adopt a coping strategy - while they people-please on the surface, they maintain tight, even repressive control underneath, which creates internal emotional blockages that result in selfishness, self centeredness, lack of openness and nervous tension. 

As much as these behaviors come from a place of suffering, the illusion of people pleasing that an unhappy Life Path 1 can create can have little to do with actual caring for others or forming bonds, since it is performed out of a need for self protection, not out of love. A hurt life Path 1 succumbs to a false belief, that the world is against them, and that everyone only cares for themselves. As a result, their emotional unavailability can create a high level of internalised loneliness due to icing out or hurting those, who actually care for them. Yet, even a suffering version of a Life Path 1, despite their individualistic streak deeply craves people validating their mission in this lifetime. If not worked on, this internal emotional blockage can stop these people from blossoming and stepping into their authentic role. 

To look into the ultimate expression that can be performed by a Life Path 1, we look at the assigned Tarot Birth Cards. 

The Magician - Being the Number 1 in Tarot, the Magician pertains to this Life Path having an ability to create and manifest their own, individual unique path, without needing to follow others, but rather inspiring others to follow them. The Magician being linked to the ultimate manifestation skill, does so easily because he trusts his gut instinct, and the path simply appears right in front of his eyes due to his own instantaneous, energetic creation. For better or for worse, Life Path 1s have that power, whether they realise it or not. Being such skillful manifestors, they can use it either to build, or to attract and recreate painful events, as long as it’s necessary for them to heal. This points to an essential question every Life Path 1 should ask themselves on the daily - what inside me has created this outcome? Which one of my internal decisions and emotional reactions has resulted in this situation? How did I subconsciously manifest this outcome? Life Path 1s are living proof, of how each and every one of us is an architect of our energetic reality, and how we always have a possibility to manifest a new beginning. A Life Path 1 that embraced this skill is someone, who effortlessly wields their creation power as an art of living. 

The Wheel of Fortune - This card points to the necessity for this Life Path to be able to learn how to handle life’s unpredictable situations, and not lose themselves in their false coping control mechanisms as a result of the shock. The Wheel of Fortune is a card of Fate, a card of sudden, unexpected events, that we have no influence over, but also the card of hopeful new beginnings, the understanding, that even the most dire situation can turn around. This card shows us, that the Universe is a balancing force, that works towards harmony by intervening in necessary moments, no matter how unpleasant these changes may seem to us, and that we can’t know, plan or influence everything with our limited perspective. This card is a projection of the internal faith, that a Life Path 1 must preserve in order to continue on their path with limited external support. The Wheel of Fortune shows us, that we need to surrender to the events happening around us, try to understand the meaning behind them, and make the most out of them. This also links to the Magician ability of creating something substantial even in the most difficult circumstances. These are all important lessons for a Life Path 1, that can resist certain events, if it feels they happened outside of their pre-approved plan. However, a matured Life Path 1 views these twists and turns of faith as new opportunities, that allow them to go even further and achieve more in life, because they know sometimes a shake-up is a wake up call.

The Sun - Teaches the Life Path 1 individual, how to embrace the carefree, free-spirited nature of this Tarot Card. This is necessary, in order to be able to breeze through life and not stop in one’s pursuit, even in the face of external disapproval. Number 1 is also ruled by the Sun astrologically, especially the positive, warming, leadership aspect, that makes people feel cared for in its own, unique way. This describes the role, that a Life Path 1 can have in their community, when they communicate with it from an authentic, open heart space. The key here is honesty with oneself and uninhibited self expression.

Being such an individualistic life path, in Number 1 there is a level of solitary, internal work that always needs to be done, even if it’s performed in response to someone else’s advice or support. The struggle here is mostly internal, as it is a constant battle of being able to have clarity of vision, a fight for how things “should be” and a challenge of embracing how things actually are. As they grow older, Life Path 1s gain understanding, that most of the guidelines they lived by are false mechanisms, adopted from an early environment that was constantly trying to constrict their internal growth. When they mature, they let these restrictions go, and unapologetically follow the calling of their soul.

The path of being a pioneer is an uncharted territory, a battle through obstacles, that does however bring an ultimate victory, if one embraces the challenges and powers through them. All pioneers are call madmen, before they are called geniuses.

[gunterfan1992]

Interview with Half Shy (the songwriter of “Monster”)

For the last few months, I’ve been collecting information for a second edition of Exploring the Land of Ooo that will also cover the production of Distant Lands. This means that I’ve started to look into the new songs that we have been graced with this year, and this of course includes “Monster,” the beautiful track from the masterpiece that is “Obsidian”. And so I reached out to the song’s writer, Half Shy, who was kind enough to chat with me via email about the songwriting process!

(Photo courtesy of Half Shy)

In many ways, Half Shy is living the creative Adventure Time fan’s dream: She got asked by Adam Muto himself to write a song for “Obsidian” after he heard her music through Bandcamp! (I’ve dabbled in fan music before, and the fact that someone from the show might listen to it just blows my mind.) What an opportunity; I am so excited for her!

Since a second edition of my book won’t be coming out until after all the Distant Lands episodes air, I thought it would be best to share my Half Shy interview now. Read on for the fascinating behind the scenes story of how Half Shy and “Monster” came to be..

GunterFan: What is your origin story? How did you get involved in music, and how did the Half Shy project come to be?

Half Shy: I’ve been making music pretty quietly since I was in high school with a keyboard and guitar. I played one or two shows a year after college when I could find a friend or my brother to get up on stage with me, but I don’t really have that performer gene in me naturally. I get too much in my head and forget what the lyrics are to the song I wrote, or what the next chord is. Total brain freeze. So that whole experience is a bit of a mental drain. It’s something I think I’d like to dig into and figure out, but right now I’m really enjoying the time writing.

Even playing a song for my friends I still get pretty nervous. That’s where the name Half Shy comes from. I’ve always been interested in making things that by their nature draw a bit of a spotlight, but at the same time, I am just really quite nervous about the attention.

I recorded my first songs under my old name Hey V Kay in my bedroom and started putting them up online one at a time. When I got enough I thought about packaging it up into an album, but then got really distracted by learning how to fix up motorcycles and going to automotive tech school. When I eventually got back around to it I named the album Gut Wrenching.

After a few years I realized that I didn’t want the day-in-day-out life of a mechanic, I just wanted to know how to fix cars for myself and to have that knowledge in my back pocket. I got back into making music but grew frustrated at the process of writing and recording songs. I felt like I wasn’t able to capture the ideas I had in my head. Like trying to draw on your computer with a mouse. Doable, but it’s not going to come out like you’d hoped.

So these last couple of years I’ve focused more on learning the technical aspect of it, from the initial ideas and lyrics, to the recording and mixing. During that process I put out Bedroom Visionaries, and while writing I happened upon the name Half Shy in an old Thesaurus which felt instantly right. Learning all of that has been fun, I even went as far as to create my own book to solidify a daily writing routine (lyricworkbook.com). All that has been a bit of a tangent from actually making much music though. I should be getting my books in December from the press so I’m really looking forward to getting back into making more music instead of dealing with printing presses, setting up websites, and sourcing ribbon suppliers.

GF: What is the story behind "Monster"? How did the show get in contact with you?

HS: I keep a log of “Song Starters” with neat things I’ve heard in the world, and I would look through it every now and then and notice just how many came from Adventure Time. Eventually I thought well, I have to make a song about this show that just keeps breaking my heart. It was around the time I was nearly done with the first [Adventure Time-inspired] song “In My Element” that I got an email from Bandcamp saying “someone bought your album (Bedroom Visionaries).”

I get maybe one or two of these a month at most so I love to go in and say hi to the person and say thanks, be curious about who they are, [and] what they’re all about. Turns out it was Adam Muto, the executive producer of the show. (I asked and he has no idea how he happened upon my stuff. He guessed that I must have tagged something #adventuretime and he just happened to see it.) So I sent him an email saying, “Hey wow thanks for checking out my tunes. Also... holy crap you’ve made the best show I have ever seen in my life.” [I] played it real cool like. After finishing up writing my second [Adventure Time-inspired] song “Betty” I couldn’t help but fangirl real hard [and I sent him another message saying], “I’m sorry this is probably awkward, but I really love your show and I wrote these songs about it.” He was incredibly kind and shared them with his Twitter Universe, and a while after that I got a random email from him saying basically, “Hey, I’m working on this thing I can’t talk about, would you be interested?” I was like… well you know I’m pretty busy working at a sign shop so I’m gonna have to pass on this once in a lifetime opportunity (J/K. Obviously I fan-girl squealed and said yes immediately).

We chatted a bit about what the project was going to be and the direction. He mentioned there [would be] two Marceline songs in the special, [and he asked if I] would I be interested in giving the love song a try? Trying real hard to suppress my instant imposter syndrome I was like, “Yea, totally I’d be into giving that a shot!” So I read through the story and loved the idea of the dragon mirrored in Marceline, thinking through how they’ve both built up a protective shell, how she grew tough for a reason, but now she can open up and be vulnerable with PB.

From there I wrote the initial demo with the first two verses mostly intact and we went back and forth a few times editing it down into the final version. I recorded the final parts for the show in my little home studio in Seattle.

GS: When you were writing the song, what emotions, thoughts, or ideas were you channeling? Was there any sort of memory of event that you were trying to artistically "catch" or "recreate" with the lyrics or music?

HS: As far as channeling an emotion, generally I’d say just the experience of existing as a human. It can be so hard to open up and be vulnerable. I can remember that feeling even as a young kid—getting really excited about something and having someone completely trash it or look at you like, “Why are you so interested in that? It’s dumb.” [It causes us to grow] a little more weary to share ourselves because we know that hurt and embarrassment. The pain of being misunderstood is something I think a lot of us can relate to. Then having to decide whether to keep sharing those vulnerable parts of yourself or think, “They’re just not going to get it, I’m going to get hurt, so why bother?” and then stop putting yourself out there. You lose a lot with that thick armor though. You might feel protected, but you’re not feeling a whole lot of anything else other than the weight and chafing of it (I had a whole lot of armor-related metaphors that I didn't end up using.).

I struggle with this in songwriting too. I’m not the bolt-of-lightning type. There are pages and pages of cliches, total garbage, bad jokes, and cheesy lines that I have to get through in order to get to something that I am excited to put out there into the world: “Here I did this thing, I know it’s a little (this or that), but I made it... What do you think?” It’s hard to open yourself up to hearing the other end of that question.

I filled about 5 little pocket notebooks just thinking through the story, ideas, and trying to get this song right. I wanted it to feel familiar and honor the past songs of the show ([e.g.,] using the ukulele and referencing a few of the familiar chords from “I’m Just Your Problem”) but also be pretty open and vulnerable and different for [Marceline]. [I wanted to] show that she’s going through some tough emotions but also figuring herself out and growing.

GF: I feel like “Monster” is, at its core, an ode to the “Bubbline” ship. How do you feel about your song being intimately connected to one of the most famous LGBTQ+ relationships in animation? Do you have any general thoughts on Marcy and PB, Bubbline, etc.?

HS: Oh, I’m a total fan girl of Bubbline. The whole story of how Rebecca Sugar and Muto slowly morphed it into this deeper relationship is just great. As a part of the LGBTQ community myself it really means so much to see the representation of characters like yourself portrayed in an intelligent way. Growing up I was too young to fully understand what was going on but I saw Ellen getting cancelled, and [I] heard people around me saying they’d never watch her show again after she came out. That stuff sinks in as a kid and so to have these characters who are not only intelligent, but funny, complex, and unapologetically strong who also happen to be queer is really great. I love that the story here isn’t about their orientation, but that they’re people struggling with how to be open and vulnerable in a relationship.

It feels like something sci-fi and animated shows do so well—to show that ridiculousness of limiting who a person should and shouldn’t love. Marceline is a 1000+ year old half-demon/vampire and PB was born from the Mothergum of an apocalyptic radioactive world, but you’re going to get hung up on them loving each other? It sort of brings it into perspective in a really interesting way.

GF: Do you have any other thoughts about the experience that you'd like to share?

HS: Just how lucky, thankful, and honored I feel to be a part of my favorite show, writing a song for one of my favorite characters. It’s also incredibly cool how the people on the show are so willing to connect and collaborate with their fandom. Everyone [on the production crew] was very open and a real joy to work with.

I’d like to give a huge “Thank you!” to Half Shy for agreeing to participate in this interview; she really was quite amiable! If you’d like to hear more of her music, check out her website and her Bandcamp. You can also follow her on Instragram here and on Twitter here. And of course, here is Half Shy’s awesome video of “Monster”.

[mrsgiovanna]

Unhinged - Don Giorno x Fem! Reader

A misunderstanding causes the reader a whole lot of distress. Blame it on the stress of planning your wedding to the Golden dreamboat or his shifty behavioral cues. Needless to say this occurs many years after the events of Vento Aureo. Some mild angst, some fluff, some mild nsfw- a mixed bag that nobody asked for really, unashamedly self indulgent 🥺💭💖

You always judged those unhinged girls. You know the type, the ones who would steal their partners phones and “run into them” at very convenient times. Pathetic, you’d always think, so you could not understand how, in heaven’s name, you found yourself sitting in your car across from your favorite Café, spying on your fiancé. You were thankful for the oversized sunglasses that hid most of your face as you stole a glance at yourself in the rear view mirror. You can’t imagine what your eyes might look like at this point.

It all started a week ago… Giorno was an extremely busy man, you of all people knew that best. He always made time for you though, however, the closer it got to your wedding, the less you saw of him. You were busy yourself, so you didn’t really have much time to yearn for his company, but the coldness of your bed was always a reminder that someone very important was supposed to be occupying that space. It wasn’t just the scarcity of your lover that had set off alarms in your mind, it was more his odd behavior. He was so secretive these days, keeping conversations shorter than they needed to be, hiding his devices from you when he received texts, discarding every scrap of paper from his pockets before properly greeting you when he did manage to come home in the daylight. Each time you questioned his behavior he just sweetly smiled and replied that everything was alright.

And so continued this mistimed waltz on eggshells until that fateful morning. A swirl of emotions bubbled up in your chest suffocating you when you found some kind of broken jewel clinging to Giorno’s suit. You couldn’t really make out what it might have been part of, or what lewd activities managed to dislodge it from its original owner and onto him, but for the first time in the years you have been together, you were suddenly unsure of whether you could spend your life with this man. Did you even know him at all?

The walls of the villa never felt so restrictive before, you needed to get out, clear your mind, perhaps even get another perspective. You could just be overreacting as you know you are inclined to do sometimes. Giorno was still in the shower, you contemplated letting him know that you were going out, but decided to just go. He can stew a little, get a taste of your personal hell for just a few hours. Hurriedly throwing on the outfit you laid out, you grab your keys and headed off to your favorite coffee shop, calling Trish while you were on your way there, asking her to meet you. The two of you had grown closer over the years and right now you needed a friend who would give you sound advice without sugarcoating the facts.

Giorno had sauntered out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist, his upper body still glistening from the shower with his wet hair cascading down his back. He expected to find you there just doing your hair or putting on your mascara, he loved watching you get ready. It gave him a chance to fully admire you, making him feel proud, bordering on arrogant, that you were his and only he got to see all the different sides there were to your beauty. He knew he was being distant with you but he had his reasons for being so preoccupied. Walking towards the nightstand to check his phone, he sees the jacket he wore yesterday on the floor with the little jewel still hooked onto the fibers of the expensive fabric. Throwing his head back in resignation, he called Trish, already aware of what you might be thinking, and knowing that she’s usually the first person you’d turn to when you needed to chat.

“Hi Trish, do you have a second to chat? I’ll make it quick,” he starts off, putting the call on speaker so he can get dressed for the day.

“Giorno, what did you do? She already called me in a state, I’m on my way to meet her for coffee as we speak,”

“Okay look, I can explain everything, just know that I’m not being unfaithful,”

“How did this escalate so fast? Why are you giving her reasons to jump to these conclusions so close to the wedding? You better not be messing around,”

Giorno could hear the suspicion that edged Trish’s voice, so he explained everything and begged her to calm you down while he tended to a few issues.

You felt your shoulders relax as the tension melted away after pouring your heart out to Trish. After speaking to her it dawned on you that coming out and asking Giorno would be better than letting this outlandish scenario fester in your mind. After giving you the pep talk you needed Trish left to get on with her day while you stayed to organize yours. Sipping the last bit of your mocha Frappe, you darted towards your car when suddenly your attention was caught by a flash of gold and a flourish of a deep cerulean blue coat entering the Café. Certain that your eyes were playing tricks on you, you blinked a few times, but it was as clear as the blue sky above you, Giorno had arrived there with another woman. Hastily getting into your car, you sank into the soft leather seat and fished out your oversized Chanel sunglasses to conceal your presence as much as possible in the off chance he looked in your direction, although chances of that seemed very slim given how engrossed he was in their conversation.

Oh you hated every painful second of this, all the tension and anger that you’d let go of, found you all at once, marring your otherwise beautiful features.

You watched as he pulled out her chair and sat across from her, smiling that charming smile that could disarm a terrorist. He barely looked away from her, you wished he would see you, wondering what kind of explanation he’d conjure up. You contemplated going back inside to confront them, but you didn’t trust your emotions, tears stinging the corners of your eyes. You wouldn’t dare give them the satisfaction of seeing you cry… and so you watched, preparing yourself for what you may or may not see, however your resolve shattered when you saw Giorno pull out a little black box and slide it across the table towards her. She beamed as she opened it examining the contents without taking it out… was it a replacement for that trinket that you found? He always did have impeccable taste, you had always thought it was reserved for you though. Unable to watch any longer, you started the car and sped off, not wanting to go home, but having no motivation to go anywhere else, you just drove aimlessly for a while.

“Oh Mr Giovanna, these are perfect, they’re exactly what I needed to complete her bracelet, I’m sure your fiancé is going to love it!” exclaimed the lady sitting opposite your lover.

“Please, call me Giorno. I would hope so, it’s more sentimental than anything else, I’m just astounded that you were able to recreate the intricacies of the original design. Your talent knows no bounds,”

“Ah, like any artist, I’m always intrigued by beauty and mystery. How were you able to get a this many dainty gems at this short notice?”

“I have my network, I’m just glad you can complete it now, I can’t wait to give it to her,”

“Well you won’t have to wait too long, I should have this ready by the close of business today,”

“I won’t keep you any longer then, thanks once again for handling my request,” said Giorno with an extended hand as he stood up to leave.

It was a mission to try and recreate your mother’s heirloom bracelet from a faded, wrinkled picture, but he was determined to give you something special, that would make you feel closer to her as well. Your lineage was a mystery, your father unknown, so when your mother arrived in Italy it was one of the few valuables she had had on her person. She did everything she could to provide for you when you were little, but she unfortunately had succumbed to her circumstances leaving you to fend for yourself in an unforgiving world. His heart clenched when you recounted stories of your childhood, which somewhat mirrored his own. You never complained though, he could see your heart ached when you thought of her, and all the things she would have helped you with especially now. Still, the way you concealed your heartache with a trained smile, would always make him wonder how such strength could be contained by something so angelically beautiful. Drawn out of his reverie of you, Giorno had arrived at his destination and continued with his day until it was time to collect your present and head home.

By the time you had finally found yourself at your driveway, you were exhausted and wanted nothing more than to bury yourself in a cave and hibernate until everything was over. How arrogant of you to assume this would last when every good thing in your life came to an end. Dragging your wary body up the stairs, you buried yourself under the soft comforter, shutting your eyes with the hope that it would all have been a dream by the time you resurface.

When Giorno finally made it home, the first thing he did was seek you out. Usually you’d be quietly nestled on the couch reading or working on something, or you’d be tinkering in the kitchen making some sort of delicious treat, both as a means to relax and indulge your shared sweet tooth. But you couldn’t be found in either of those places. He found you huddled on the bed you both shared, looking so fragile as you slept in a fetal position. He didn’t want to disturb you but he couldn’t help gently brushing your hair off your face, which unfortunately resulted in you waking up.

“Gio, I didn’t expect you back this early…” you murmured, still waiting for your eyes to adjust to the light. The events of today came flooding back to you and you resolved to just come straight out and confront him. Noticing the change in your demeanor, Giorno sat next to you on the edge of the bed, while he loosened his top shirt button and took off his tie.

“Giogio, I don’t know how to put this delicately, so I’m just going to say it… you’ve been acting so different lately, always so secretive, hiding things from me, and this morning I found remnants of some jewelry that didn’t belong to me on your clothes… and probably the worst thing of all is that I saw you with someone while I was out this morning. You both looked very comfortable with each other, and… I… who is she?” you rambled on, your voice barely louder than a whisper. This wasn’t playing out how you had imagined it, with most of the fight being forced out of your body by melancholy. Seeing the evidence of your anguish in your eyes, Giorno reached out to cup your cheek, you mentally chastised yourself for automatically melting into his touch.

“Ah my sweet principessa, I love you, only you, I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you or break that trust. The lady you saw me with is a jewelry designer, I commissioned something very special for you, so we just met so I could give her the materials to complete it… I wanted to give it to later at dinner tonight, but you’re in no condition to go out, so let’s stay in, okay?” he explained as he pulled out a box from his breast pocket and settled down next to you. “Go on, open it,”

You gingerly take the box, opening it slowly, curiosity and embarrassment fighting against each other in your mind.

“Gio, how did you manage to find it after all these years? I thought it would have been melted down and broken up completely.”

You simply couldn’t believe your eyes, it broke your heart when you sold off the bracelet to pay off her debts after she passed, it killed your spirit entirely when you were told it wasn’t enough to cover what she’d owed. That’s how you found yourself in Passione, working as one of Bucciarati’s underlings.

“Well, unfortunately I couldn’t find the exact piece bella, trust me, I tried. You’re probably correct in saying that it was taken apart, so I had this recreated to its exact specifications. I hope you like it,”

Giorno’s voice was so tender, as was his expression. Tears clouded your vision, it was the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for you, you were at a complete loss for words.

“Gio… Tesoro, I don’t know what to say, thank you doesn’t seem like nearly enough. And I’m so sorry I ever doubted you, I feel like such an idiot, that’s probably because I am one. How can I make it up to you? I totally understand if you’re too upset to talk to…” your rambling was cut off by Giorno’s lips gently pressing against your own. His hand softly grasped the back of your head, slightly tilting your face upwards to deepen the kiss.

“That was thanks enough amore mio, I love you,”

“Ti amo con tutto il mio cuore,” you reply, while trying to hide your embarrassment by nestling your face in the crook of Giorno’s neck.

“Molto bene, your Italian is improving bella, I’m proud of you.”

Giorno snaps the sparkly trinket onto your wrist and admires how your eyes light up when you look at it. The glimmer of his eyes in the soft lighting of the room awakened a yearning within you. Giving in to the feeling, you kiss Giorno’s collarbone, earning a hum of approval from him, as you softly trailed kisses up his neck and onto his jaw, finally settling on his lips. You felt him smiling into the kiss, he ran his tongue across your bottom lip asking for entry, to which you willingly obliged as your hands toyed with his braid, undoing it completely. His hands ran up and down your body, worshipping the dips and curves he adored so much. Breaking away from the kiss for a moment, he looked down at you, eyes darkened with lust, hands hovering over the buttons of your shirt asking for permission to disrobe you, which you granted with a small nod. He was so gorgeous, so strong and he exuded such charisma that you found yourself submitting to his every request, spoken or otherwise, lapping up every bit of praise he afforded you as you took him in his entirety. Once, twice, you had lost count of how many times you both peaked.

At some point in the night you had woken up ensconced in the warm embrace of your sleeping lover, finally being able to form a coherent thought, you promised yourself to never baselessly doubt his love for you ever again. With that you closed your eyes and allowed yourself to fall asleep again, feeling completely safe, content and loved.

[theonetheycallhannah]

The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Chapter 13: SNAFU

Characters: Captain Syverson, various original minor/supporting characters.

Summary: Sy has some time to think about his past, present, and future while roughing it in the Virginia wilderness which leads him to a revelation about what he really wants…but is it too late?

Need to start from the beginning? Miss an update because Tumblr? Click me!

Word Count: 4.7k

Warnings:  Mild language, mature themes, military and weapon terminology, discussion, and use. (For those who don’t know, SNAFU is a term coined in the military. It’s an acronym for “Situation Normal, All Fucked Up.” And since this is from Sy’s perspective, I thought a military term, as opposed to a therapy term would be appropriate.)

Author’s Note: Despite this being the longest chapter, clocking in at almost 5k, it was one of the easiest to write, and came the quickest. I love writing from Sy’s perspective, and the pure love he has for Shane. I’m hoping to be able to write a bit more of his POV before the story is complete. We’ll see. I apologize if it seems like one long rant about Sy’s feelings…I guess that’s what it is, with various activities peppered in. He can be a sensitive guy, and I wanted to show that. 

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism.

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Hope I’m not forgetting anyone! If you want to be notified when I post a new chapter or work, I’ll be happy to add you to my tag list! Stricken blogs are getting personal messages from me when a new chapter is uploaded because Tumblr’s faulty tagging system will not stand in the way of me delivering what the people want!(?) lol! (Although…their lackadaisical notification system might…sorry for that. I have no control. lol!)

X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@

Sy was no whimp. That much was certain. Missouri winters had toughened him up more than most men in his battalion and most of the participants in the training he was currently undertaking.

But it was more than that. Sy was uniquely prepared for the elements. He remembered a particularly harsh December night during Christmas break, before he joined the service when he was home alone and had to let the dog out. Fool that he was, he wore no shoes. Greater fool, he'd allowed the door to the back yard to close…and unfortunately, it had a tendency to lock. Which it did. He tried fruitlessly for a while to break back in, but being without a cell phone, he knew he'd have to walk a good distance for help with the lock.

He slipped out the gate and started up to the road, to follow it  to his grandparents a few miles away. The county road wasn't the best kind for walking, particularly barefoot in the late fall, but his feet were soon too numb to feel the gravel and whatever else was lacerating the soles of his feet. After about an hour, he made it there, shivering, knocking frantically and waking his frail old grandparents up to rescue him from his own negligence. He'd regret that until the day he died. Not that they were angry about it. They shrugged it off. His grandma cleaned the blood and dirt from his feet and bandaged the shallowed abrasions. They didn't look too bad, considering the area they lived in and the trash that could have been waiting to carve him up. Then she set about cleaning up Sy's messy footprints from her normally immaculate floor. Grandpa looked all over for their spare keys to Sy's and his mom's house, and finally found them. He lent him a pair of shoes, drove him back home, and let him in the house. After that, Sy found himself eager to spend time outdoors during colder weather. As if determined to build up a tolerance to it in case he ever found himself in such a situation again.

Now, despite the time of year being only late August, it was unseasonably cool, especially at night, as if Christmas was right around the corner, and Sy was wishing more and more that he had someone to cuddle with during the nights he'd be doing cross country training here at the beautiful Shenandoah National Park. He had packed only the essentials for the expedition, a mess kit, bed roll, canteen, modest rations, first aid supplies, et cetera, plus a rope and a tarp for building a shelter. On his person, he had a compass, a topographical map of the park with checkpoints indicated, waterproof, strike-anywhere matches, a hunting knife, a tactical knife, an M17 pistol, and three .9mm clips. He was also given a flare gun to use in case he got stuck for any reason and needed extraction.

On his first night in the wilderness, he'd taken a lot of time falling asleep. Thinking.

He thought about his last week at home. He wondered how Mr. and Mrs. Stevens were doing with Aika. Shane had offered to watch her, and he considered it. He had appreciated her eagerness to help after her…less than enthusiastic response to hearing about this trip. But he decided since Aika had a close relationship already with Fred and Caroline, and she was still getting to know Shane, they'd better be the ones to take her. She understood, and had offered the second reason that since she worked so much, she wouldn't be able to give her the kind of attention she was used to. That had made a lot of sense. He felt like kind of a bad dog parent for not thinking of it, himself.

He thought about the week he'd been here already at the compound. His first day filling out paperwork, he was asked for an emergency contact. He was used to putting his mom…but she wasn't in the best of health, herself. He had nobody. Nobody but Shane. He put her down, instead of his mom. He thought about the seminars on company approved methods of subduing and detaining targets and combatants. He should have taught Shane some self-defense moves before he left. She could handle herself, and she'd proven so, but still. A refresher, or an advancement on one's skills was always a good idea. But he was sure she'd be fine. He thought about her the most in the torturous policy and procedure lecture. What he wouldn't'a given to have her here with him. She would have made everything fun. And she would have been a way better study partner than Keith. Keith, a Navy vet from Little Rock was a good guy…he just…didn't get Sy's jokes. He was a very literal kind of thinker, and it took extra effort for Sy to communicate with folks like that.

Shane, though…he and Shane wouldn't have gotten too much done, study-wise. They would have been…distracted.

As he hiked along the trails to his first checkpoint, he breathed in the clean, crisp air and stopped at the odd overlook here and there. The park was nestled on the outer edge of the Blue Ridge Mountains, and they were too gorgeous not to appreciate while he was here. He found himself…uniquely emotional. He didn't feel lonely often, but since he'd met Shane, he'd hardly gone two days without seeing her, even if it was for just an hour. She'd love all of this. She'd probably want a tent, and coffee in the mornings, so they wouldn't be able to travel quite as light, but they'd make it work. Maybe one day they'd take a trip like this. Just for fun. No checkpoints. No deadlines. No semi-automatic weapons…well, honestly, he'd probably still bring a gun, anyway. You never did know about people these days, he thought. Of course, that's probably what people think of me carrying a pistol, he also thought…anyway, he was almost to the checkpoint.

Said checkpoint was a big tent, like the ones they sold fireworks out of leading up to Fourth of July. Inside there was a single lane shooting range set up down one half of the tent. On the other half, there were stations set up with dismantled weapons that you had to assemble in a certain amount of time. Someone had beaten him to the range, so he started with the guns. No problems whatsoever. He was familiar more or less with all of the models, or some version of them. When the previous participant, a small blonde woman, had finished on the range, Sy stepped up to the counter.

The attendant reset the target for Sy so he could do a close range shot, then again for mid and long range ones. He shot well, although he still wasn't used to the lighter weight of the SIG Sauer M17s the armed forces switched to back in 2017. They'd offered him an M18 at the compound, but he favored the heaver pistol, instead. Maybe the M18 was more packable, but Sy just didn't feel right firing a weapon that felt like a feather in his hand. If it was up to him, he'd take a Colt Python .357 Magnum Revolver. That, however, was more than just a question of how the firearm felt in his hand. Being out in the wilderness like this made him think back to how it must have been before these lands became civilized and gentrified. Back to the days of the cowboy, Wyatt Earp and the OK Corral. Back when it was just the wild and free land he could pretend it was now. He thanked the attendant, who was writing his name on his targets to take back to the compound along with his graded weapon assembly timesheets, and then was back on his way.

There was an eerie beauty about this unsullied land, he thought, as the dusk fell the second night of the excursion and he began setting up his camp about halfway between the first and second checkpoints, by his estimation. With his fire built and his shelter up, Sy took out some of his rations, cured meat, hard cheese, and some walnuts, and had a light supper before cleaning his gun and turning in while the ground still held some heat from the waning sun, wishing again as the cold set in that his woman was there to warm him.

His sleep was fitful. And he awoke before dawn, from dreams he couldn't remember but which still left him feeling empty. They must have been about her. He was starting to feel regret. The last time he'd seen Shane, he'd said some things that he meant to be selfless. But he didn't mean them. He meant the parts about loving her, of course. But the last thing he wanted was to come home and find her moved on with someone else. He couldn't stand to think about it. As he walked into the next checkpoint area, the range was already set up for close range firing. He riddled the target with .9mm holes and could barely wait until the attendant got the fresh sheet set to mid range before he began firing.

"How about you let me fully clear the lane before you start on the long range target, okay, Syverson?"

"Sorry, man. I'm a little…on edge today. Won't happen again."

The short, sandy-haired buck trotted out to replace the riddled sheet with one more for the long range leg, pulled it down and lacked it in to long range position, then hoofed it back up to safety, sensing the captain's impatience. Sy shot cleanly, but with cold anger, as if the silhouette on the page out there was trying to take Shane away from him. He put two square in the chest, and two in the head without hesitating.

"Man, I've never seen a long range shoot like that! What's the deal, you pissed at an ex, or something?" Sy checked the man's lapel for a name tag.

"Not exactly, Mister…Daniels."

"Call me Jack." they shook hands, and Sy chuckled, questioning.

"I'm Sy. You're name is Jack…Daniels?"

"Yes sir. No relation to the Lynchburg Daniels, unfortunately. Momma wanted to name me after her granddad, and my old man, well, he had no problem with it given his affinity for the spirit."

"A wise man, your dad. Some of my best nights have included Tennessee Number 7." He didn't elaborate, but he was getting very specific flashbacks of drinking games in his kitchen with Shane. And he was gonna have to shake it off before the weapons assembly drill, or else he'd end up putting together an assault rifle backward.

He made it through without any trouble, thank the good Lord. But that didn't mean that his mind wasn't still reeling. He was thinking of Shane and the possibility that she was being courted by Chris Evans look-alikes and young Harrison Ford doppelgangers, and it was making him furious. He was pretty sure that she was about as interested in taking a break as he was, but he couldn't help himself from making the offer under the circumstances. He kicked himself as he made his camp for the evening, not very far away from the third checkpoint, but too far away to get there by dusk when the daily deadline was. He was a shoe in to get there first in the morning, though, if he was reading his map correctly, and he was damn good at maps, if he did say so, himself. And who would bitch at him for bragging out here, anyway. The odd cricket or squirrel? He didn't think so.

It was colder tonight, and he was thankful that he thought to boil some water for his canteen and put it at his feet. He curled his surly, burly body up under the layers of blanket and thermal sheeting. He was almost warm enough…but he still needed something.

His sleep was plagued by strange dreams that he unfortunately remembered tonight. The scene began with Shane in a bright pink dress and matching gloves, dripping with diamonds, like Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. She looked so glamourous and beautiful, but she was getting passed from man to man to the tune of Madonna's Material Girl, which was not the correct song, and he knew it in that moment, but couldn't correct anyone, because it was all playing out on the big screen TV in his basement. When he realized this he turned it off and noticed a familiar head of hair on his lap and stroked it, about to say "Hey, sunshine." until the figure sat up and looked at him, and it was Jordan, the PTA, batting his eyelashes at him, and asking, "You ready for bed, babe?"  The therapist leaned in for a kiss, but Sy leaned back, tumbled off the couch and landed on those crutches again, standing right in front of Shane in the lobby of the therapy clinic.

"Hey sunshine." he said warmly. She looked confused.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"Well…I should hope so…it's me. Sy."

"Sorry, not ringing any bells. I'll look you us and see who you're with, though. Usually Heather tells the new patients which therapists they get their first day. What's your last name?"

He felt like he was getting kicked in the gut with a soccer cleat worn by the Incredible Hulk. He answered with defeat.

"Sy's a nickname. Last name Syverson, first name Logan."

"Oh, there you are. Looks like Cory gets to take care of you today. I'll let him know you're ready. As long as you're all done with the secretaries?"

Sy nodded and collapsed to the floor blacking out. When he woke up, his neighbor, Mr. Stevens was standing over him, insisting it was time for him to get ready. He kept handing him things to put on. Pants, a nice shirt, a vest, a light blue tie, a jacket, nice shoes. The whole enchilada. They got out of Fred's car at a little white chapel outside which, his neighbor pinned a small boutonniere of powder blue hydrangeas to his lapel and walked in with him.

"Come on, boy. She'll be here any minute."

Sy was nervous, but excited. He was obviously marrying Shane. But he couldn't remember proposing, or planning the wedding, or an engagement party, or bachelor party, or rehearsal dinner, nothing…but none of that mattered. He heard the first notes of "Here Comes the Bride" and everything faded away, anyway. He began to cry as she got closer. She was moving slowly, he presumed out of nerves. Or perhaps she'd chosen the wrong shoes. It didn't matter. They'd dance the night away barefoot, and make love until dawn. He wished her veil wasn't so thick. He couldn't even see her bouquet. Let alone her stunning face, no doubt smiling as she cried with him. When she stood in front of him, he broke protocol and removed the veil to find Aika in a white dress on her hind legs panting, tongue lolling happily to one side.

"You may now kiss the bride." said the wizened old minister, causing Aika to knock Sy to the ground licking his face until he blacked out again.

This time, he woke to the chirping birds of a mountain morning in Virginia. His campfire long snuffed, his canteen now chilled as his blood. Those dreams…those were traumatic. He didn't want Shane to see anyone else. The thought of seeing anyone else himself repulsed him. Thinking about what his life would have been like if they'd never gotten to work together made him physically ill, and he was terrified that if he didn't act on these feelings, he'd end up with no one but his dog. Why did it take a trip out of state and all these nights of solitude to figure this out? She was all that mattered. He could dig ditches, flip burgers, get a teaching certificate and coach, or teach gym. Whatever. He also liked history. He could think of something if the people at Secure Source couldn't keep him in consistent work. It would be fine. He understood his purpose now. And it wasn't just to do his duty to his country. He'd served proudly for years. He had a new purpose now. And it was her.

He packed up camp in what he was sure was record time and hauled ass to the last checkpoint where the brass should be waiting for finishers. He was the first one there this morning, but he wasn't sure if anyone had made it yesterday. He didn't try to make small talk with the attendant today. He was on a legit mission to get back to his locker at the compound, turn his phone on and call Shane. He fired four shots, but only made two holes on the long range target. One in the chest, one in the head. The attendant was impressed, giving the highest possible grade.

"Man, Syverson. I pray I never do anything to piss you off."

Sy nodded in acknowledgement and went on to the weapons drill booths. Today, there were distracting sound effects playing on a speaker in each booth, and each one was different. Sy ignored the cacophony, pretending it was white noise, and focused on the puzzles at hand, breezing through the new weapons in better time than ever.

As his cards were being scored and turned in for review to Jane Freitag, the administrator over acquisitions and training, he got himself a cup of coffee and a doughnut, and just observed her, tactically, and objectively. She was a redhead with sharp features, freckles, and light eyes. She was slender, but dressed simply, and modestly. The consummate professional. Sy had honestly barely registered her gender, and it wasn't because she wasn't beautiful. She was. Full red lips, lashes for days, and although her clothes didn't exactly accentuate her shape, he could tell he had a decent figure. He just wasn't interested. And would never be interested in anyone but Shane again. Miss Freitag startled him out of his thoughts.

"Mr. Syverson." She beckoned him to the entrance to the tent near her vehicle.

He picked up his gear and coffee and trotted over to her.

"Ma'am?"

"Jane, please."

"Sy, then, for me. What's next on the agenda?"

"Well, you're the first participant across the finish line. I'm very impressed. It seems as though you almost could have finished last night."

"Yes, ma'am, if I hadn't taken a little extra time for sightseeing, I might have made it here by dusk last night. I just haven't had the hustle I had today."

"Well, that's nothing to sneer at. Normally, the deprivation of food, regular water supply, and proper sleeping conditions make participants sloppy. The opposite seems to be true for you, as you've done better at each checkpoint than the one before. Now, let's get back to the compound and get you a proper meal, and a shower, and talk about what's next for you here at Secure Source."

"Yeah, about that. Before we go much further with this, I need to know one thing."

"What's that?"

"I need to know if you'll be able to find me work near enough to St. Robert and the base there so that I don't have to relocate and travel all the time.  I've got a life there, and…it's not something I can just pick up and move on a whim, and I don't want to be away for weeks and months at a time. I know I made this trip work, but I'm praying it didn't already ruin everything." He wasn't going to waste time mincing words. He needed to know right away or else this wouldn't work.

"Sy, with your talent…they're gonna want to put you on the high profile cases. Celebrity security. Concerts, movie premiers, things like that. You'll be wasted as a small town rent-a-cop." there was true concern in her face and her voice as she drove them out of the park and onto the main road to Secure Source's compound.

"If there's a need I can fill, how is that a waste? There's lots of talent in this program. Just 'cause I finished first don't mean I did it the best. And I'm sure most of these folks have the people skills to take them farther'n me. And if you wanna gimme first crack at those, I'll hear ya out. Just…let me reserve the right to turn down the out of town jobs. Especially if they're short notice. And if it takes me away from another security job, I want you to send me a replacement a few days in advance so I can meet 'em, train 'em, and introduce 'em around."

"Seems reasonable." Jane said.

"Well, alright, then. I think we got ourselves a deal. I'll shower up in the locker room real quick, then meet ya in the commissary for a sandwich so we can handle the particulars?"

"Sure, Sy." she agreed as they pulled into the parking structure.

They went their separate ways, Jane to her office, and Sy to the quartermaster to return his supplies and get the key to his locker. He practically danced there, he was so giddy to get to call Shane. He did need a quick shower first, though. Which he took, grabbing some shampoo and soap out of his travel bag. When he got back to his locker, towel around his waist, he replaced the products and grabbed his phone. He sat on the bench between the rows of lockers as it booted up.

When it did, it began alerting him as if it's life depended on it. Three text messages, three voicemails, … and twenty four missed calls. That was odd. Maybe a telemarketer had gotten his number.

He checked the texts first. One was a picture of Aika from Fred, his neighbor, the other two were from Shane…two days ago. The day he went into the park.

Hey, hope you have a great first day of Survivor: Virginia! Lol! Be safe! I love you!

OMG, nutty day today! I'm gonna be doing notes for hours! I'll text you in the morning! <3

And then nothing…he chuckled at Survivor: Virginia, but was a bit concerned. Maybe she'd decided not to waste time texting him if he wasn't going to respond? He didn't know. Maybe some of the calls or voicemails were from her. He'd check before calling.

One from his mom, one from the Stephen's house phone, and the rest were from Fort Wood Therapy. That was weird. He was discharged and didn't have any appointments…surely he wasn't missing any…Shane would have said something. He listened to the voicemails. The first one was from Heather.

"Hey, Sy, it's Heather, Shane's friend here at therapy. Hey, give me a call when you get this. Thanks."

Weird…the next one was from Susan, Shane's boss. In the same tone.

"Captain Syverson, it's Susan DeForrest here at Fort Wood Therapy Clinic. Please give us a call when you get this. Thank you."

Again, weird. The last one was Susan again and far less friendly and measured.

"Mr. Syverson. I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but you need to bring Shane back to work and stop screwing around. One or both of you is in serious trouble. Either you're being hot-lined for abduction or she's fired for not showing up for work. The choice will be hers." and the line went dead.

Sy felt his stomach twist into nauseated knots at Susan's words. Shane hadn't been to work. For how long? He had to call them. He didn't want to think about the horror that might have befallen Shane while he'd been away.

"Fort Wood Therapy Clinic, this is Heather, how may I help you?" Heather said, trying to hide the obvious worry beneath the cordial demeanor.

"Heather, it's Sy, what the hell's going on with Shane? What do you mean, she hasn't been to work, I don't…"

"Let me give you to Susan, Sy. I'm sorry." She added the last two words in a whisper. After a brief moment on hold, Susan picked up.

"So, Mr. Syverson. Finally decided to call us back?"

"Cut it out, Susan." He let her blatant ignorance of his rank slide in favor of getting to the point. "Tell me what's going on."

"Shane left work Monday and hasn't been back since. No one has seen her. Apart from you, I presume. I knew letting her date a patient would come back to bite me. I should never have--"

"Shut up! This isn't about you, and it isn't because of you. And you had no right to tell Shane who she could and couldn't date, anyway. I haven't seen her in about a week and a half. I'm training out of state for a job. I've been away from my phone since Monday, and I just got back to it now."

"She isn't…with you? I assumed…"

"Well, you know what they say, Susan. I'm coming back early if I can manage it. See if I can do something to help find her. Thanks for calling me. I know your intentions weren't the best when you did, but ultimately, it worked out. I may not have found out otherwise, at least until… much later."

He hung up before she could respond. He had to talk to Jane about cutting his training short. This was all his fault. If he had just come to the realization of just how important, how vital Shane really was to him before he left…well he never would have gone in the first place. She was his life now. His world. His future, and his whole heart. Tears stung his eyes as he dressed to meet Jane in the commissary. She'd have to be okay with this. She'd have to understand.

As he got closer to the smell of fry oil, seasonings, and sizzling meat on a griddle, aromas that usually made his stomach grumble with hunger, he had to swallow back the bile that crept up his throat. He found her seated at a small round four-top, already eating a salad. He sat across from her, startling her from whatever she was reading on her phone, and again when she looked at his expression and complexion.

"Sy, what's wrong? You look downright green!"

"Listen, Jane, I'm going to have to leave training early." She scowled at him, but he was more concerned with the putrid smells of boiled egg and onion coming off her chef salad. He had to get this over with quick before he wretched in the middle of the mess hall.

"That's a big ask, Sy. Gonna have to have a reason."

"I just got a call that my girlfriend is missing. I need to go home and help find her."

"Oh…yeah, that's…that's some reason. I'm really sorry to hear that. Any leads so far?"

"No, I just got off the phone with her useless boss and all she told me was that she hasn't been to work since Monday and can't be reached on her phone. I have my suspicions, but I wanna talk to the authorities."

"Okay, well. Maybe when things calm down at home, we can set you up with some online courses like we do for our assets who need refreshers, but are on assignment. I'll approve that for you."

"Thanks," he said, gratefully, "I'm also wondering if the company has any…transportation solutions for me…of an immediate nature?"

"Man, what were your letters to Santa like as a child?"

"Oh, you know, a little red wagon, end of poverty, world peace…that kind of stuff." he grinned his most charming grin.

"Why am I not surprised? Okay, but you have to return the favor somehow, Sy."

"How about, one assignments of your choosing, no questions asked?"

"Hmmm, what about five assignments?"

"Three?" he countered.

"Done." they shook hands across the table. "I would have settled at two." she smirked.

"I would have done ten." he winked at her as he turned to retrieve his belongings from his bunk and locker. He had a plane…or perhaps a chopper to catch.

Up Next: Chapter 14: No Call No Show

[argentdandelion]

How To Get Your Number Down to Zero (Part 3 of 3)

How to Achieve Emotional Growth

Emotional Vulnerability

In contrast, Simon and, initially, Amelia are limited in their emotional expressions around others, especially in their sadness. Amelia seems to disapprove of crying: she mockingly tells Tulip to not cry. When Simon cries in the “We won’t tell Simon” memory reveal scene, he cries silently while everyone is asleep. Though deeply upset in Le Chat Chalet, he doesn’t cry; his responses are largely anger and obvious frustration. The one time he cries when others might be able to see him is after he seemingly kills Grace. He laughs evilly, cries within seconds, and tries to laugh it off while pressing his hands over his ears, as if trying to block something out (a conscience, perhaps). Indeed, though Simon was baffled, frustrated, and angered at Grace’s sudden changes in behavior, he didn’t confront her about it with anything but bafflement, frustration, and anger, when he confronted her at all.

Later in “Vulnerability: The Key to Better Relationships”, Mark Manson states: “And it’s a shining example of vulnerability because you’re saying “I have a problem. I’m not perfect, but that’s okay. I can deal with it, and I will deal with it.” In a scene set seven months after she either enters or leaves the train, Tulip says she’s “ready for anything”, suggesting Mark Manson’s words characterize a successful passenger. In contrast, Mark Manson’s words certainly do not describe Simon; he rarely admitted he had a “problem”.

Discarding of Concepts, Desires, or Motives

It seems passengers can get their numbers to 0 by letting go, giving up, moving on, or otherwise no longer caring about or being badly affected by a particular issue the memory tapes suggest is highly important. Passengers who could do that eventually got their numbers to zero, while those who didn’t, Amelia and Simon, ended up, respectively, still trapped and maxed-out (and dead).

However, it’s hard to determine letting go, giving up, moving on, or otherwise no longer caring about an issue is the cause for all instances of numbers going down. Indeed, if one thinks of Jesse’s issue as “caring too much about what others think of him/trying to be friends with everyone”, he got his number to zero by caring: actions motivated by caring about Lake. When Jesse confidently, even aggressively, rejects Simon's attempt to soothe him and downplay what was happening, shows a spine in the face of peer pressure from the “cool kids”, and tells Lake “I got you. We’re getting out of here”, his number goes from 22 to 0, and it’s unclear which action did this or how much of an effect each action had.

Re-Evaluation

Successful passengers re-evaluate their beliefs, values, perspectives, perceptions, or behavior. Tulip had the self-awareness to realize she had distorted her own memories to show her life pre-divorce as entirely happy, Jesse re-evaluated the cool kids that put his brother in a dangerous man test, and Grace came to realize that denizens were people, causing much of her Apex beliefs to collapse.

Amelia apparently got her number so high by repeating the same maladaptive coping mechanism over and over for 33 years: she “ran away” from adapting to a life without Alrick. She says “there’s a hole in the universe where Alrick used to be”, but it seems that for 33 years, she didn’t try to patch over that hole with anything but a perfect recreation of her life before the train.

In contrast to Tulip, who realized she was wrong about how she thought about her parents’ divorce, Simon never admitted he was wrong. (Him telling Grace “You were right not to trust [Amelia]!” aside) He did not even quietly re-evaluate or discard his Apex beliefs and beliefs about numbers, despite repeatedly facing evidence it was wrong and seeing all the harm it had accomplished. In a way, he “ran away” from his problems and denied most of his problems even existed, with the notable exception of his relationship problems with Grace. Furthermore, the rarity of him confronting his trauma, turmoil or insecurities trapped Simon in a dogmatic and aggressive spiral until his number maxed out and he, briefly, became unhinged from the weight of his actions until he was killed.

Specific Actions

It’s hard to tell if there are any standardized actions of getting one’s number down by a certain value or percentage of the whole, even for the same passenger.

Although “kicking the toad” (in The Toad Car) clearly has a value of 5 for Jesse (29 changes to 34), his number seems to go up by 2 (29 to 31) when Alan Dracula strongly kicks the toad, and it seems to go up by only 1 when he halfheartedly kicks a cube in “The Mall Car”. It’s possible “letting the toad go free” brought Jesse’s number down by 17, or by more than half its original number. But the preceding sequence wasn’t just letting the toad go free: Jesse freed the toad to ensure he, M.T., and Alan Dracula could escape the Flecs, since The Toad Car required kicking the toad to leave the car. The real number-lowering reason could have been “stick with Lake and help her out, even knowing she broke Mirror Law and has been lying about her history”, letting the toad go free to ensure he and his friends could escape was just the particular way he carried that out.

Tulip’s journey also supports the idea the amount a number drops is context-specific or largely unpredictable. Tulip’s number goes down when she recalls a happy memory with her dad, but being in her tape, which was full of happy memories with her parents (both true and false ones) didn’t bring her number down until she confronted the false memories. Notably, she had tweaked the particulars of the happy memory of fixing go-karts with her dad to support her idea of "work first, play later", and her number only goes down when she acknowledges parts of her memories which don't fit that idea."

People's numbers might be dependent on other people, in the sense of close relationships with others. Certainly, passenger-denizen interaction can lower a number (see Grace with Hazel and Tuba), but so can passenger-passenger interaction. For example, in the “Hey Ho Whoa” car, when Amelia said she didn’t really want to ask for help, but really appreciated Grace’s cooperation, her number went down by at least three digits.

Complicating things, there are times when number responses seem to have a time delay. When the freed toad leaves Jesse in “The Toad Car”, Jesse’s number goes from 31 to 14 instantly. Jesse’s number goes from 22 to 0 after a sequence where he confidently (even aggressively) rejects Simon's attempt to soothe him and downplay what was happening, shows a spine in the face of peer pressure from the “cool kids”, and tells M.T. “I got you. We’re getting out of here.” It’s possible he did several number-lowering things that could have been counted separately, or a single very number-lowering thing with a time delay.

It’s possible a number only goes down if an action, thought or belief “sinks in” or if passengers are aware of what they’re doing. When Tulip tells Amelia she can still bring her number down, Amelia's number goes down before she even speaks, therefore suggesting even thinking in the right direction can get someone's number down.

[katzenkrieg]

Headcanon - Cam’s Thoughts on Emet-Selch and Emet-Selch’s on Cam

Obviously all spoilers for ShB and 5.3! Read at your own risk.

Also, wow, this is 5 pages long. I knew it felt like it took a long time to write >_>

TL;DR - after 5.3, Cam is like “WHEEEE I’M FREEEEE” and running around happily being a dork and feeling good about everything for the first time since the Empire invaded Eorzea (he was somewhere between 20 and 25 then; he’s 35 now). And Emet-Selch is like, “Oh, fine. :shrug.”

Cam’s thoughts on Emet-Selch and the events of ShB and 5.3 are the first 3/4s; scroll down about 3/4s for my take on Emet-Selch’s perspective.

Emet-Selch/Hades (canon, Unsundered Ascian from the Source, founder of the Garlean and Allagan Empires, and member of the Amaurotine Convocation; likely thousands of years old) - Prior to arriving in the Tempest and defeating both Emet-Selch under his true name and, later, Elidibus (though Elidibus never revealed his true name--it’s possible he no longer remembered it), Cam’s feelings toward Emet-Selch were incredibly straightforward--he wanted an excuse to punch him in the face and be done with him. Despite Emet-Selch’s willingness to aid the Scions in the First, including bringing Y’shtola back from her second self-imposed exile in the Lifestream, Cam saw absolutely no reason to trust him. Emet-Selch showed up when it was convenient to him, took the minimum action possible to ‘prove’ his good intentions towards the Scions, and dropped just enough information to unsettle the Scions but not to truly help them. It’s not hard to catch on to manipulation that obvious, and Cam had had enough experience with manipulation by the time he arrived in the First to call a spade (or an Ascian) a spade. If Lyse had been summoned to the First instead of Y’shtola and Urianger, Cam, Alisaie, and Lyse would have attacked and subdued Emet-Selch the instant he showed up; in retrospect, as is often the case, Cam regrets not listening to himself and choosing instead to assume Y’shtola and Urianger had more of the knowledge and expertise required to make decisions surrounding near-arcanic entities.

Still, some of Emet-Selch’s behavior did genuinely unsettle Cam. Cam might have expected Elidibus to approach him and try to make a deal with him, offer him support, or direct him towards a course of action--that’s what Elidibus seems to do, after all. But Emet-Selch was something new; he didn’t seem to fully be engaged in playing the part of the Ascian manipulator. He repeatedly invited Cam to engage with him, despite a surface veneer of disinterest and contempt, without any clear motivation for doing so. He didn’t seem to be seeking friendship or to ingratiate himself to Cam; whenever Cam *did* choose to take Emet-Selch’s invitation to talk privately, Emet-Selch would quickly push him away again, dismissing anything Cam had to say or simply pulling back into apparent boredom and apathy. Eventually Cam decided this must be another manipulation technique--something intended to keep Cam unbalanced and to play on any curiosity he might have about Ascians generally or Emet-Selch specifically. By the time they reached Mt. Gulg, Cam had largely decided not to engage with Emet-Selch; Emet-Selch’s asking whether Cam remembered Amaurot and hinting at his own memories of it and grief at its loss earlier had actually managed to get under Cam’s skin, and he wasn’t interested in letting the Ascian relate to him individually any longer. Being offered a chance at ascension and survival of all future Calamities at the cost of standing aside to let whole worlds die wasn’t something Cam wanted to hear more about.

Mt. Gulg sealed Cam’s belief that he should have trusted himself and attacked Emet-Selch when the Ascian first revealed himself. It also left Cam as angry at himself and the other Scions, and as determined to go off on his own and somehow finish *everything,* as he has ever been. Cam’s not a lone wolf or someone who believes he has to do things himself to protect others or preserve his ego; in fact, he’s more apt to think he *can’t* do things entirely on his own and doubt his abilities unless he has more scholarly or politically-savvy support at his side. Urianger and the Exarch’s secret plans, the Exarch’s being taken prisoner, and Cam’s own imminent full transformation into a Lightwarden, though, meant Cam felt the end coming. If he was going to end up as a monster, something that could never again be part of the world(s) he cared about, then he wanted to end it on his own terms. And that meant rescuing the Exarch, pushing aside the Scions (especially Urianger, who, once again, had kept secrets and been complicit in enabling others’ possibly unnecessary sacrifices), and destroying Emet-Selch. And then finding some way to imprison himself so that others would have the opportunity to kill him before he could do harm.

The Scions and the Crystarium’s residents as a whole brought him up short, of course, and checked his desire to dive headfirst into self-destruction. As he worked together with the other Scions to reach the Tempest, Cam’s anger began to give way to similarly uncharacteristic despair and distancing of himself from his friends--internally, in large part, though he did also begin holding himself physically apart from them whenever he was able to, always keeping a small ways ahead of the group or off to the side, often out of sight ‘scouting.’ Rescue the Exarch, destroy Emet-Selch, find some way to imprison the Lightwarden he would then become--Cam had stopped seeing anything beyond that. It would save his friends and possibly the First--or at least give them time to save themselves. And that was all Cam could hope for.

Reaching the Tempest and the recreated Amaurot made those feelings more intense, rather than less so. While the other Scions felt the sense of loss associated with being Sundered and close to reminders of Amaurot, Cam felt it with an almost crippling sharpness--enough so that he assumed it had to be related to his growing aether hunger and impending transformation and largely just tried to force himself through it rather than stop to examine it. Hythlodaeus’ revelation that Ardbert and Cam originated from the same Amaurotine--and one Hythlodaeus had once known well--didn’t really register around all of that pain. (Ardbert, on the other hand, did pay close attention to the news and drew his own conclusions from it, leading to his offering to Rejoin with Cam later.)

When Cam and the Scions finally confronted Emet-Selch and learned the full story of Amaurot and its fall, Cam still really didn’t have much emotional energy left to care. He’d fought people twisted by grief and the desire to re-create and relive the past before; this was just more of the same on a larger scale.

Only after Rejoining with Ardbert, surviving the fight, and having time to recover back in the Source did Cam actually start to think about who Emet-Selch and the Ascians were (or had been) and about the way Emet-Selch had related to him and how Cam himself had felt around the remembered city of Amaurot. He tentatively concluded that Emet-Selch--or, more accurately, Hades--had been testing Cam the whole time, both wanting and not wanting him to be whomever Hades and Hythlodaeus had once known. Maybe being able to contain the Light of all of the Lightwardens combined would somehow have convinced Hades that Cam was enough that person to be seen *as* a person and brought directly into the Ascians’ plans as an equal. Cam also suspects that Emet-Selch’s final reveal of his true name was a last-ditch attempt to see if Cam would suddenly “wake up” to being his Amaurotine ancestor if Emet-Selch revealed a name and form that person would have been certain to know.

In any case, Cam was relieved to have failed all of those tests. Whoever his soul (and Ardbert’s) might have been in the ancient past, those people had died long ago and passed their aether down to others who went on to live their own lives and be their own people. Escaping transforming into a world-devouring monster was good; escaping the attempts of ancient demi-gods to awaken a fellow demi-god in Cam and erase the significance of his own life and existence was *also* good. Cam was mostly left feeling frustration and regret that Emet-Selch, whether due to being Tempered or due to jaded bitterness (or both), couldn’t bring himself to just *tell* Cam about the person he saw in Cam and was trying to prod him into being. If you hold grief in for millennia and feel it’s impossible to share your memories and your sorrow with anyone else, of *course* it’s going to destroy you. Cam would have been happy to listen, as long as it didn’t come with the expectation of being or becoming the person he was hearing about.

Prior to Elidibus’ reemergence in Ardbert’s body, Cam hadn’t really talked about any of this with Cid, the Scions, or any other friends or family members. Following his first fight with Elidibus in Ardbert’s body in the Tempest and Hythlodaeus’ revealing the Convocation’s memory stones--including the stone of Azem, created by Hades out of love for his friend--, Cam felt resignation creep back in. Though he’d been given the stone, he didn’t use it; it was obvious to him, though, that he would almost certainly be forced to use it to defeat Elidibus. Which meant that the fate he thought he’d escaped--his existence being erased to give way to something inhuman and immortal--was still impending. In a way, Hades was going to win and get what he wanted even in death.

Contrary to Cam’s expectations, though, the final fight with Elidibus as the Warrior of Light incarnate and finally being forced to draw on the stone of Azem and play into Hades’ plans for him *lifted* those fears from Cam entirely. When the moment came when Cam finally had to draw on Azem’s stone to survive the Void, it didn’t overwrite his own personality or memories or change his feelings towards his family and friends or towards the Ascians he had fought for so long. Instead, he only felt a conviction that who he was and the path he was walking and continued to walk were in keeping with the path walked before and that whatever the past had been, it would stay in the past and do no more than help him continue to assert the right to forge his own way forward. Even feeling Azem’s voice within him was no stranger than speaking in Ardbert’s voice immediately after their Rejoining. 

And whatever or whoever it was that appeared to lend Cam the power he needed to return from the Void and defeat Elidibus--whether it was Hades’ own stored version of a previous self, like his re-creation of Hythlodaeus, or the actual soul of Hades, lingering before finally passing into the Lifestream--it *did* significantly change Cam’s feelings about Hades. Together with Hades’ final request to remember Amaurot and the lives of those who had come before (but not to re-create and *become* them), Hades’ shade in its final appearance felt different from the Ascian Cam had hated. Instead of saving Cam *as* Azem, Hades brought Cam back to finish the fight as himself. 

Following Elidibus’ defeat and the Scions’ triumphant return to the Source, Cam has had time to ask Cid, Y’shtola, and Urianger about Tempering and how and when its effect ends upon a soul’s physical death. They’ve all told him that no one, scientific researcher or arcane researcher/scholar, knows for certain, but Tempering does seem to end when a soul passes into the Lifestream and returns again. This has left Cam uncertain--was the Hades he’s now seen twice after the Ascian’s physical death finally free of Tempering? Even before returning to the Lifestream? Or was the specter that saved him from the Void the memory of a younger Hades--someone who still had some faith in his friends and in the future and some ability to change?

Regardless, defeating the last (to his knowledge) of the Unsundered Ascians *and* the incarnation of the Warrior of Light in primal form; freeing Elidibus to remember, grieve, and move on; putting Ardbert’s physical existence finally to rest; realizing that he would never actually have to *become* Azem; and receiving Hades’ blessing, from whatever version of the man it was given, have left Cam almost euphoric with relief. He’s survived, as himself, everything he’s most feared--the threat of ascension, whether as primal, Lightwarden, or Amaurotine--and everyone invested in pushing him towards any of those transformations is gone--and gone having accepted Cam’s existence as himself. Of course, having defeated the Warrior of Light as a primal concept doesn’t ensure that that primal can’t be resummoned and reembodied--but, psychologically, having defeated it, Cam *feels* as though that threat is gone.

Still riding the high of finally feeling secure in his own continued existence, Cam actually feels gratitude towards Hades--and towards Azem, whomever he may have been. He’s added the Tempest to the places he visits every year to honor people he knows and cared about who have fallen, and has begun very tentatively (and always with accompaniment, in case he *does* run into any threats of being overwritten) working with Azem’s memory stone and exploring the Tempest for records of the lives of the Convocation. He’s also talked with G’raha about whether the other memory stones’ records might still exist within the Crystal Tower in the First. None of these have been things he’s pursued urgently, but he is open to learning more about Amaurot, Hades, Elidibus, Azem, and the Convocation in a way he wasn’t before. They seem very securely like people in the past now, people it would be safe to learn about and who, like Ardbert and the First’s Warriors of Light, might have a story worth hearing and one different from the tale told either by common memory or by themselves.

On Hades’ part, he *did* see Azem in Cam, and Cam was correct--that drove his hot-and-cold opening up to and pulling away from Cam. After the Sundering, Hades had run into shards of Azem several times. Hades approached his first encounter with a shard with some hope that the shard might remember being Azem and remember Hades; discovering that the only thing the shard had in common with Azem was his tendency towards not listening, making friends with and helping everyone and his brother, and undermining other people’s plans, Hades’ bitterness and resentment towards any future shards he might encounter solidified. Meeting any of these shards felt like meeting a stick figure drawing of a lost sibling; just enough of the broad strokes there to suggest the person Hades missed, but none of the substance and detail that had made that person someone who had been part of Hades, in the way a close sibling is part of someone. Eventually, Hades disengaged from anything to do with shards of Azem and deliberately kept himself from learning anything about them; the other Ascians could do what they wanted with them. 

Irritated by Elidibus’ insistence on pulling him back into the struggle to force the Rejoining, Hades was more irritated by having to work again with a shard of Azem--with *many* shards of Azem, essentially, since Cam was partially Rejoined many times over. And especially since Cam was the closest any shard had yet come to looking like Azem, even down to having the Amaurotine’s mask markings as facial tattoos--and clearly had no clue about the significance of either those markings or his appearance. (It was also incredibly irritating that someone *not* an Ascian could pull a shard of one of the Convocation members across the rift between worlds; Hades wouldn’t have admitted it to himself or anyone else, but *that* degree of ownership/influence over Azem was something he considered appropriate only if *he* had it.)

Watching Cam, Hades had to deal again with the hope that maybe this time a shard would *remember* something. Along with his appearance, Cam’s behavior was incredibly similar to the Convocation member’s, to the degree that Hades kept initiating conversations with Cam to test this and then withdrawing when Cam’s answers sounded uncannily like Azem but showed no self-awareness of that fact. 

Cam was also correct that, had he been able to contain the Light without transforming, Hades *had* promised himself that he’d see that as a sign the man was worth working with and had the potential to become Azem in full, even if he seemed worthless at the moment. Cam’s failure increased Hades’ disgust and anger--not just at Cam, but at himself for allowing himself to hope at all. Still, Hades would have the satisfaction of using the twisted remnants of Azem to destroy the First and hasten the eventual full reincarnation of Azem.

Again, Cam denied him that pleasure when Cam showed up in the Tempest still in human form and still in (fading but there) control of himself, with the same barely-human barely-sentient friends by his side. Hades still gave him one last chance, exposing him to the fall of Amaurot and then showing one of his true forms and sharing his true name with Cam, moments after the man’s soul suddenly became even *more* like Azem’s. 

Nothing. 

But Cam still won. And the weight of Tempering and the long fight could finally be set down.

Whether Cam was Azem or not, Hades had to accept that Cam was carrying on the legacy that Azem had begun--and that Hades no longer had the power to deny him the right to claim and walk that path. Whether the version of Hades that appeared in the fight against Elidibus was a memory or Hades’ actual lingering soul, Hades had accepted, before fading entirely, that the only way to honor Azem’s past existence was to allow Cam to continue his own.

[httplovecraft1890]

The Theme of Free Will in Yandere Simulator

So in the past, I’ve speculated at length about what some broad story points might be for Yandere Simulator and while I’ve revised my opinion on the significance of a character like Fun Girl (her statement of “YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING I SAY. I WONDER WHAT ELSE I CAN TRICK YOU INTO BELIEVING?” feels a bit embarrassing in hindsight) I do think there are broad strokes that can be taken from what I wrote and applied to newer story points that’ve been shared with us since. You can consider everything below a refinement of those original ideas, I suppose. Let’s start by going back and revisiting Saikou Corp. Note: some of this information doesn’t have a specific source other than vague recollections aside from what YandereDev has said on Twitter, Reddit, etc. so apologies in advance.

What, exactly, do we know about Saisho Saikou? If we’re taking Fun Girl less as an actual plot point herself and more as a vehicle to deliver exposition to the audience then we can summarize a fair few things:

He was drafted into the service of the Imperial Japanese Army at age 17 in the closing days of the war. This retroactively confirms his date of birth was some time in 1928, meaning Saisho is 91 in 2019.

Saisho was confined to kitchen duty after being transferred to Okinawa at first. This changed after a bomb tore his dorm apart and he was trapped with the corpses of his friends for hours until he was rescued by other troops. During the attempted retreat after their rescue operation he called them cowards for wanting to fall back in the face of American forces. The memories of being stuck there with his dead friends still haunts him.

After being moved to a bunker, he was under constant stress from air raids and a chronic lack of sleep as well as malnourishment. When the U.S. finally found their hiding spot he tried to pull a pin on a grenade but it failed to detonate; he was promptly captured afterwards.

- From the June 1, 2018 Fun Girl text files We know little of his life after the war at the moment other than in 1946 he was reduced to running the company that would become Saikou Corporation out of his family’s garage (much like the company it parodies, Sony, was forced to do at first in our world by its creators). Given his later characterization I suspect that he probably ruthlessly took advantage of the breaking of up so many of the zaibatsu (large financial or industrial conglomerates owned by specific families; Mitsubishi is an example) by the American occupying forces following the war. In the decades following his country’s defeat Saisho created an enormous megacorporation that makes most of the consumer products seen in Yandere Simulator’s universe. As Headmaster Shuyona later relates to us, once he puts his mind to something he never takes no for an answer. Aside from the obvious wealth aspect that it grants him, though, what else is at work in his mind?

Like so many others, the defeat of Japan in the war simply unimaginable to him and, as far as he’s concerned, even if everyone else surrendered he never did.

The brainwashing and propaganda of the early Showa period never left him; as more and more Western influence began to creep into Japan, the more he began to freak out about it. Progressive politics and democracy are things he utterly despises.

Unsurprisingly, his reactionary politics have a racial component to them. For Saisho, the only people fit to rule the world are the Japanese and that if only everyone else realized it, there’d be a worldwide utopia. Though not outright confirmed, this also goes some way to explaining the almost eugenics-like obsession with ‘purity’ in the modern Saikou clan.

Even so, probably through careful PR stunts and knowing when to keep his mouth shut, Saisho’s worst beliefs aren’t known to the public.

- From the December 1, 2018 build’s Fun Girl files

It’s with some surprise then we know for a fact that Saisho wanted his firstborn daughter to inherit the company after he was ready to retire and only kept his son, Megami’s dad, as a backup. Despite the grueling and inhuman training that each Saikou generation seems to be put through, it seems that Saisho did genuinely love his daughter based on what Headmaster Shuyona confirms in Headmaster’s Tape #1. While this seems incongruous at first with his far right politics I think it’s helpful to see it less as a belief in equality between men and women, but instead that since she was a Saikou, she was inherently a cut above others because of that. Not many fathers would have schools built for their children in their honor if something wasn’t genuine, I think.

Megami’s aunt is a very interesting character at the moment. We know nothing about her other than the fact that she was first in line for the proverbial throne and hasn’t spoken to Saisho in 30 years because of him disowning her after they got into an argument. Fun Girl seems to hint that the conversation revolved around her trying to remember a supposed sister of hers (i.e., her) but this might just be her trolling us all. I think there’s something else very important given that time frame we also need to keep in mind: the date. What’s 30 minus 2019? 1989.

If we assume for a moment that Akademi opening its doors in 1985 was her first year, then following traditional Japanese high school length, it stands to reason her graduation occurred in 1988. The following year, Ryoba’s murder of the girl who was almost certainly Headmaster Shuyona’s daughter must’ve sent serious shock waves through Buraza Town. Megami’s aunt would’ve probably followed the proceedings with a lot of interest and I think a reason she parted ways with Saisho is because Saikou almost certainly tipped the scales in favor of Ryoba during her trial against the journalist. Why? Because of the country’s insanely high conviction rate. It’s greater than 99%. You’d practically need a miracle to get through it all and make the person who tried to take you to court look like a monster for doing so - something we know she pulled off. It’s not something that she could’ve done on her own without money changing hands or judges being properly blackmailed and flipping the media circus around. Headmaster’s Tape #6 also confirms that by 1999 Ryoba had seemingly regular contact with Saisho and Megami’s dad but it’s easy to extrapolate that they must’ve been speaking with one another prior to then; after all, just because Shuyona didn’t know about it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen (it doesn’t help him either that Saisho almost certainly sees him as a useful idiot). Learning a dark secret like this about your own family, coupled with the hell they put you through growing up, would break anyone and I think it’s a good explanation of why she left. If we accept that Saikou Corporation are Ryoba’s and Mr. Aishi’s employers then several things fall into place - why they haven’t ever had to move, why they live in a well off neighborhood, how they can simply up and leave for 10 weeks at a time to a foreign country - and the picture comes into focus. One of the things that Fun Girl seems to confirm is that Saisho’s love for Japan is equally as strong as what Ayano feels for Senpai. Knowing what we know about how the Aishi family curse seems to work, that’s pretty bone chilling. Coupled with every other horrible thing he thinks, combined with his vast wealth and influence, and it’s a recipe for disaster. The question becomes, however, what the point of all of this is. What could a murderous young woman possibly offer one of the most powerful companies in the world? Her body and mind. Stick with me here. Pretend you’re a scientist working for Saikou Corporation and you’re tasked with finding out what makes Ryoba tick; we’ll ignore for the moment any possible supernatural angle that the story might develop to explain their condition. The Aishi ‘curse’ seems to be a psychological condition, effecting the maternal line, that results in its carriers possessing severely stunted emotional growth, antisocial personality traits, flat affects, monotone voices, etc. This begins to alter in the host, however, an intermittent time after puberty in their late teens when, through various circumstances, meeting an individual causes an unknown psychological trigger to occur, acting as a kind of drug that for a time rewires the brain to enter a euphoria-like state wherein they begin to function on a neurotypical level, but only in contact with the source of this change (19 being the median age when an Aishi woman typically marries their victim). What if you could isolate the factors that cause such a thing to occur? 30 years is a long time to study something, after all, and decades’ worth of research must’ve meant some kind of breakthrough. Assuming that Saikou Corporation is like any other megacorporation in fiction then they’re sure to have their hands in medical technology. Imagine taking the research you’ve done on a so-called ‘yandere’ and began to try recreating it. After all, the idea of being able to use certain external symbols or things as stimuli is practically dystopian in its usefulness. Like, say, introducing a corporate symbol and ensuring its customers only felt a sense of satisfaction when buying a certain product.

Let’s go further than that. What if you could engender the same feelings of emptiness, followed by unbridled joy, when looking at something as simple as a flag? Not only could you brainwash an entire nation, but any other place on earth that allows the services you provide as a global company...

From this perspective, the “why?” of Saikou Corporation involving themselves with Ryoba becomes evident. After coming to this piece of speculation, if it is the case, something else also really clicked for me. Two things, actually. The first is that it’d give new meaning to the speech Megami tells you on the Skype chat you can have with her at school:

Is someone there?...Ah! It's you...Why have you come here? Have you come here to taunt me? Do you even know who I am? I know who you are. I know WHAT you are. My father won't allow me to attend school while you are..."active". He has a reason for tolerating your presence at this school. I don't. You are a vulgar creature that is only allowed to exist because you serve a purpose. If it was my decision, then every last one of you would be exterminated. Have fun while you can. If you and I ever cross paths...you're going to have a bad time.

The purpose is to further Saikou Corporation’s knowledge of the yandere condition and to find further ways to exploit it. Megami’s dad is in on this scheme and has purposefully kept Megami off campus while Ayano is on her murder spree as a way to keep her safe. What’s more, Ayano isn’t the only yandere that’s active either. Such a statement is more revealing than you might imagine it to be too. I think it’s pretty accepted at this point that the journalist’s wife was a yandere herself. He tells us as much in Mysterious Tape #6

But as soon as we met, she wanted to spend every waking moment with me. She wouldn't let me out of her sight, and got possessive if another woman so much as looked at me.

I quickly began to depend on her for everything. It wasn't long before I couldn't live without her. I certainly wasn't in any state to take care of myself... I was like an adult-sized baby. Helpless and vulnerable. Who knows...maybe that's what she was attracted to. Maybe she just wanted to experience the sensation of owning a person. Maybe she wanted to keep a human pet.

Isn’t it odd how she showed up in his life only a year after his ordeal with Ryoba in court? How his marriage to her didn’t involve them leaving the town at all? If I were him, I would’ve probably left it behind a long time ago, especially if it brought up memories as traumatic as what he’d experienced (and the fact he was directly threatened by Ryoba too). But instead his marriage and alcoholism caused him to never get out until it was too late. The timing seems... convenient, doesn’t it? Almost as if it were planned.

It wouldn’t be hard, I think, to sic some girl afflicted with the condition on someone either in hopes they’d ‘imprint’ on them or alternatively try to induce that very same response in them somehow. It’s a safe bet, again, considering how long Saikou Corp. would’ve had to pour over the data they’d collected. There surely would’ve been theories on how it happened and they’d be unethical enough to try it on human test subjects. So if they could do that, who might it happen to?

I think that an overarching narrative theme in-game is going to be that of free will. Let’s consider for a moment both Megami and Ayano as parallels to one another. Both are incredibly driven women who will stop at nothing to get what they desire - order for Megami, Senpai for Ayano - with familial histories of treachery and abuse. If Megami’s life has been lain down before her without her having much say in the matter, how does this similar struggle reflect in Ayano? Arguably, Megami could have everything she ever materially wanted in life just as Ayano has in the form of the feelings Senpai gives her but the issue goes deeper. If the price for Megami was having every moment planned out for her, is it not possible that the feelings Ayano has are just as manufactured? I don’t mean that in the ‘love at first sight’ kind of way; I’m questioning if the meeting with Senpai was something that was set up for her to go through, a test to see if this poor schmuck could be the thing that would let them begin to move onto a new test subject to put them through their glorified obstacle course (Akademi). Not to mention the fact that it essentially occurs right after Ryoba and Mr. Aishi leave for America is an immediate red flag. If Megami is trying to stop Ayano, though, then it must mean that she’s rebelling against the wishes of Saikou Corporation itself. After all, they don’t want something that they’ve put years of investment into slipping through the fingers if they can help it. The end game she has in mind is anyone’s guess at this point but I suspect it will be the purge of anything related to the above secret project. As such, there’s going to have to be someone to offer us an alternative to bringing down the current iteration of Saikou - and I think we also have an inkling of who’s going to aid us in bringing her down.

Kencho is emblematic of the status quo. He desperately desires his father’s approval (the one who’s likely continuing his father’s wishes and pursuing this whole endeavor to begin with) and will do anything to gain it. If Megami steps out of line too much, he’s certain to know that means she’ll fall from grace. He’s only been prevented from doing anything about his current situation because he’s only second best and hurting Megami would upset his dad. However, if she were to have an unfortunate accident... well, it isn’t as if he could be ignored anymore. In exchange, I imagine he’ll give Ayano exactly what her mother had: a nice house, a life untouched by anyone who’d take Taro or Taeko away from her, and a way for the two of them to have children if you go the latter route. All Ayano has to do is just give in to being a pawn like her mother did, like Kencho did, and like his father did. Or she can, at last, have the first real choice she’s ever had in her life by siding with Megami and tearing it all down (with Senpai still the promised reward in exchange for her help, certainly...).

[julianxwood]

You saw GRANT GUSTIN in London recently? It was actually JULIAN WOOD, the two share a resemblance. Apparently HE is KNOWLEDGEABLE and RELIABLE but can also be CONDESCENDING and SNARKY. They are TWENTY-FIVE and were sorted into GRYFFINDOR. The PUREBLOOD works as a (RECENTLY RETIRED) CHASER FOR THE MONTROSE MAGPIES, lives in LONDON and is affiliated with NEITHER SIDE. (pat, 21+, pst, she/her).

open reference books, hastily drawn sketches, steaming mugs of Earl Grey, freshly carved wood, dim light of sunrise

Full Name: Julian Augustus Wood – It’s not that he doesn’t like his middle name. It’s good. It’s regal. It’s got that air of authority a Quidditch Captain should have. But he never uses his middle name really, unless it’s absolutely necessary on paperwork because he knows that his name is fucking July August

FC: Grant Gustin

Age: 24

School: Hogwarts

House: Gryffindor

Country of Origin: United Kingdom

Current Place of Residence: Horizont Alley, London. He’s not far from Diagon Alley, but in a less busy neighborhood. He likes his quiet. As of right now, he lives alone—I do have a headcanon that he shares an apartment with his brothers (so this is definitely subject to change depending on if those wanted connections are filled and if the players are cool with this)

Please list any canon relatives: 

Father: Oliver Wood

Mother: Oliver’s relationship with Julian’s biological mother was complicated, and they had split after their second child. Oliver had a relationship with Daphne Greengrass, who gave birth to the third and youngest of the Wood trio; Julian considers her his mother and developed a close relationship with her while he was still a toddler.

Career: 

Current: Julian recently retired from his professional career. A rather severe Quidditch injury made it difficult to fly around crowds and loud noises, and despite his insistence on being perfectly fine—everyone deals with a bludger to the head every now and again—it was time to step down. He doesn’t like to admit that he retired from the Magpies because of a dumb injury. If you hear him tell the story, he’ll have some rehearsed lines on how Quidditch wasn’t for him. But Merlin does he miss the thrill of the chase(rs).

Next steps: A lot of his free time is spent flying; either by himself or helping his former teammates practice. The next part of his career will involve him spending a lot of time at Quality Quidditch Supplies and eventually working there. He’s got the Quidditch expertise to tell you which broom is best for playing, travelling, or just recreation—but certainly not the confidence to become an Assistant Coach for the Magpies. It was definitely about time Julian stepped away from Oliver’s meticulously laid out plans—and Julian feels himself becoming much less aggressive about the sport off the pitch.

Eventual: While Oliver didn’t particularly emphasize the importance of anything except Quidditch, Daphne was a much more reasonable voice as far as academics. Julian’s favorite subject was Transfiguration and he had gotten enough NEWTs to call himself a competent spellcaster, though he never thought he would need to ever have a backup plan should Quidditch go awry. Eventually, Julian would work as a broom developer for Ellerby & Spudmore, but he’s certainly not at that point where he’s even aware of this path—and who knows? Maybe something in the game will make him passionate about something else; the most I’m concerned with is that he’s got room to grow!

Affiliation: (subject to change after discussion with revelant players) Right now, Julian is neutral. However…

Possible DA plot: Julian probably played Quidditch with James Sirius, but he’s a bit older—two or three years—so I’m not sure if James would have invited him! However, if Julian did receive an invitation, Julian’s a bit of a overthinker and would need to consider the risks in joining—so I think this struggle would be fun to write! Even if he knows of the DA’s existence, he’s not about to go blabbing about it to other people, especially if he’s been told to keep it secret. And he will—so long as the DA continues to the work of keeping the peace.

Possible DE plot: Given enough motivation, there’s a chance Julian could even join the Death Eaters. While he does have a bit of bias being raised pureblood, he wouldn’t join to push the pureblood agenda—after all, his father fought in the Second Wizarding War! But are his brothers in danger? Is he being blackmailed or bribed? Have the Death Eaters offered him something that he won’t be able to get anywhere else? It’s possible but a little unlikely given that Julian doesn’t have any ties to any former Death Eater families (yet?).

Significant Other: None yet. Julian has a scattered dating history, and the relationships don’t last very long. He’s been so focused on Quidditch that he doesn’t realize that he’s not giving his partner the right attention and perhaps not giving as much effort as he should have. Now he’s off the pitch, he’s definitely much more emotionally available. I will say that I’m a sucker for reunion plots though—getting back together or hooking up and seeing something more or something new in this person he thought he knew.

Sexuality: He’s demisexual, though he wouldn’t know what the word means nor does he have the self-awareness to figure this out for himself even if he did know. He thinks having a slow burn relationship is just being a gentleman! I would say he’s mostly heteroromantic; Julian’s played around with both genders early out of Hogwarts but really prefers girls.

Any HC’s: l mean… here’s what I got… idk if these count and these will have to be updated as the game progresses!

Acceleration – the rate of change of velocity per unit of time. Oliver Wood expected his sons to have the same career trajectory he did. Therefore, Julian learned to ride a broomstick not long after he stopped crawling, learned how to handle a quaffle as soon as he could ride higher than five feet off the ground. Those skills did translate to the pitch at Hogwarts, becoming a chaser on the starting lineup as a second year, becoming Quidditch Captain by his seventh year, and recruited by the Montrose Magpies after finishing school. Oliver wasn’t happy with Julian’s choice—though not enough to abandon Puddlemere and coach with the Magpies instead.

Crest - the point on a wave with the maximum value of upward displacement within a cycle. Even in school, Julian was incredibly intense and competitive, only to be compounded by his success outside of Hogwarts--and clearly he didn’t give a damn who disliked him for it. The obsession--though any Wood will tell you that this is passion--was at its peak when Julian had gone professional. It was all he could think about and it’s all he wanted to do; he wore down the leather of his chaser’s gloves and smoothed down the handle of his broom.

Free fall – downward movement under the force of gravity only. His Quidditch career was short-lived: a particularly bad injury with a bludger during the season finals finally pulled Julian to the sidelines. Julian maintains that this was his choice; Quidditch wasn’t for him anymore! Part of it was the terrible press he received throughout the last few years, especially considering his father’s legacy that he had to carry. Still passionate about the sport, Julian stayed involved by supporting his brothers who are also still playing on professional teams.

Displacement - occurs when an object is largely immersed in a fluid, pushing it out of the way and taking its place. Julian has a few memories of his mother, but he was never at a loss for maternal affection; Daphne may have been inexperienced with children, but she certainly cared in the best way she could. She may not have seen eye to eye with Oliver on Quidditch--after all, she couldn’t tell the difference between a quaffle and a bludger when they first met! But she always supported her stepsons in soft but unexpected ways, even after she bore a Wood of her own--even if it meant what she had to say wasn’t about what the kids wanted to hear. She’s one of the few that Julian truly trusts and she was the one that had to advise him to walk away.

Friction - the force resisting the relative motion of solid surfaces, fluid layers, and material elements sliding against each other. Julian has a tendency to ignore his privilege. He has the advantages of being able to train for Quidditch before he’s even allowed a broom at school, and he’s been treated to the best equipment that the Greengrass family could buy. But he’s so certain that all it takes to get to the top is hard work. His fall from grace certainly challenges his perspective on this, and perhaps this is what drives him to say that he had chosen to walk away from his career. He didn’t want to be seen as weak--nor did he want anyone to think he didn’t try hard enough to stay there.

Equilibrium - a state in which opposing forces or influences are balanced. Later, Julian will eventually start work as a shopkeep for Quality Quidditch Supplies; certainly he loved to help people find what a good fit was for them as far as flying. Not everyone played Quidditch and there were always variations of the sport that Julian loved to come up with. For someone who was such a stickler for the rules on the pitch, having a life off of it now made him much less aggressive about it.

Impulse - a force acting briefly on a body and producing a finite change of momentum. Julian was always destined, if not determined, to make a name for himself. At the very least, he was a competent spellcaster--Transfiguration in particular was one of his favorite subjects. He’s determined to make himself something more than just the Quidditch player.

Elasticity - the ability of an object or material to resume its normal shape after being stretched or compressed. Julian always has some sort of injury, usually bruises from falls—but he’s usually so quick to recover that it was actually such a surprise when he realized that the bludger incident really prevented him from playing to his potential. Once his brothers started playing Quidditch at school, he was already making sure he knew some basic mending charms—though it was probably more to Julian’s own benefit that anyone else’s!

Buoyancy - the ability or tendency to float in water or air or some other fluid. Julian doesn’t know when his coffee addiction started, but he certainly knew when it ended. A close friend of his kept calling him out on complaining about how disgusting coffee was and, as a joke, kept gifting him tea for any occasion she could think of--and it’s his morning, afternoon, and evening cups of Earl Grey keeping him afloat.

[whetstonefires]

"the top three of its forty floors are filled with brass telescopes of every size, pointing in every possible direction, including several that do not exist within the normal three dimensions of space." thats SUCH a cool image / "If any harvest will come." ooh i wonder whats going on / "The roofs are of red tile, the stucco of the houses painted in shades of blue. It stands empty, but has not had time to fall into disrepair." the little bits of detail getting added to the picture im LOVE (1/?)

I’m gonna do these all as one post but broken up for ease of reference, I think.

Thank you! 🥰 Deciding the theme for the Tower and giving it that visual anchor really helped to pull things together. If you consider the whole setup, it seems unlikely the Tower was originally built as an observatory, since those tend to benefit from height (especially if you’re looking around you rather than up, but for the up ones also) and the builders could easily have put it on top of a mountain or at least some hills, but instead put it by the river. It’s above sea level, and it’s away from light pollution, but there were better locations. Nearby.

So either it wasn’t an observatory, and it’s been refitted as one, or they had so many observatories they didn’t care about locating them optimally, there was some other factor making having the tower there important even if it was suboptimal in terms of observation capacity. Or, potentially, it’s been moved since it was built!

:} Yay thank for being interested by the foreshadowing. I tried to put just enough in without actively overshadowing the actual place-setting-up and making the reader impatient with the description. 

"If you look through an enchanted telescope you may see trees without needles fail halfway up the nearest of the great peaks, and even these fail before the top, though there is a span of nearly barren stone past that line, before the snow begins." you: mentions different plants living in different climates me: :0 / there's so much good description!! its all so pretty!! (2/?)

sflka;l;jlk i mean yeah, that’s pretty straightforward isn’t it. But! It establishes How Much Mountain it is visually rather than by saying ‘it was a big fucking mountain’ or ‘it was tall enough for the thinness of atmosphere near the top to create a small tundra region.’

o(*￣▽￣*)ブ

<3 Thank you! I kinda cut loose lmao.

"blocks veined with every color, pale blues and purples, reds and greens and golden-duns all mottling toward white and grey and black" god i want to live there so badly!! this tower is meeting all my standards!! cool pretty magic tower with rad telescopes!!! / "make a remark no one present understands about a Doctor named Seuss. His guide, the dousing tracker Amnaphi, will assume this person to be a famous astronomer from his homeland." im love!! misunderstandings about references!! (?/?)

💗💖✨ Yay! That’s an important feeling to create in fantasy, imo. The wanting. 

I really enjoyed playing with the standard forms for ‘thing made of marble’ here, because all these marbles really exist, but in spite of the existence of the word ‘marbled’ our narrative uses of it tend to be tied up with Neoclassical aesthetics. So very white and smooth, yeah?

Also idk if it’s obvious to the reader but this Tower is to some degree in dialogue with Orthanc, which made a great impression on my mind as a child as the iconic wizardly tower, and while I don’t disagree with any of Tolkien’s use of symbolism for the purposes he was deploying it, there’s so much potential in Isengard as a setting that LotR had no space to explore, even if Tolkien would have noticed those angles at all.

Like...the parkland around the Tower is shown being despoiled for the orcish war machine and then reconquered by the forest, but of course it wasn’t forest to begin with. What was it for before Saruman lost his shit? Ordered gardens, for peaceful contemplation? Who dedicated the space that way? Who maintained it? 

Did Saruman employ a gardener? Did he design his own gardens, or did they come with the keep, which we’re informed was built not by him but by the Numenoreans? 

(“I liked white better” is still one of the greatest lines in a fantasy novel, Tolkien does not get enough credit for his contextually hilarious one-liners that rely on pointed code-switching, but Saruman’s evil rainbow oil-slick robes also sounded really baller and it’s kind of a shame they were not attempted for the movie lol.)

The fact that this is a world designed around a kid getting portal-fantasied into it and staying for 30 years really gives me some options which are fun to deploy but also like. Risky lmao. Because it encourages the reader to surface from the setting-logic and apply their own perspective, which can really break up the magic.

Being able to zoom out on the Tower after all that detail and be like ‘it’s awesome but also it looks like something Doctor Seuss would draw’ was fun though.

"Within the even hexagon of its outer wall, the Tower encloses a great parkland, enough that if it was all put under cultivation it could easily feed as many people as could live in the Tower itself." the tower has PLANTS i love it so much / "Ten Years’ Winter" god PLEASE tell me this is going to get into the agriculture and society stuff game of thrones didn't about long winters that would be SO cool / "Watchers of the Stars" AND they have a cool name holy shit (?/?)

Plants are important! As is food supply. As everyone who’s been reading this blog for a while already knows I think lol.

I mean, it’s not about that, really? The Ten Years’ Winter is a historical event--the most recent meteor impact severe enough to have global climate fallout. The dust it kicked up took a while to settle, and the famines were pretty severe.

But the cultural consequences of something that happened a hundred and fifty years ago exist, and are important, including the relationship between governance and disaster preparedness, which varies a lot regionally as you may imagine. 

Astronomy has a long history as a wizardly sort of activity in the real world, both because it’s had continual overlap with astrology and just because the process has always been mystical and abstruse. In this setting, with a history of both devastating meteor impacts and being invaded from the Moon, but also actual magic, it’s got more obvious practical importance. Although since neither of these are remotely everyday occurrences, the average person on the street might not agree lol.

So it’s on the one hand a purely descriptive title, and on the other hand a serious boast, suggesting as it does that they are primarily responsible for Watching The Sky For Stuff. While also having broader philosophical implications and just sounding nice lol. 

You gotta have good marketing if you want to persist as a wizardly order, because if talented students aren’t motivated to come to you how will you gain new members? Natural replacement is not an ideal strategy to say the least. That’s how you turn into a cult instead of an intellectual powerhouse.

"The northern third of the Tower’s park contains neatly regimented orchards, apples, pears, plums, and a few rows of carefully tended peaches and apricots, all clipped flat against low brick walls angled south and slightly west." hhh t r e e s / "wizards, while enthusiastic about innovation in the abstract, hate change." me too, wizards. me too / "The Tower grounds are filled with refugees." ooh now we get to why everything was empty earlier (?/?)

Trees! Which are also food!

And technology lol. Greenhouses built against fruit walls with good insulation are so much more sensible than ones heated from inside. Obviously as a passive solar-powered technology these only work when the sun is available and not, for example, cut off by a giant dust cloud. 

These people are fairly acutely aware of their dependence on the sun and it figures prominently in a majority of their religions and their magical theory, even more than in ours.

There seems to be a mild consensus that the wizards are relatable. In truth: we are all wizards. :D

Yup! At long last lol.

"This division corresponds imperfectly to the usual split of the town by the course of the Meroda." because people!! take comfort!! in what normalcy they can find!! / "Makeshift pallets line the spaces between every fruit wall—the injured are being laid out here, now that the Tower is full, to get the benefit at night of the warmth meant to mature fruit." the awesome magic tower people trying to do everything they can for the injured who come to them for help in case i thought i couldn't be (?)

more in love / "Half of them are making ready to turn south along the Meroda." oh nooooo / "but the Moon People are the successors of the ancient magics, and just because they could not break the walls the last time they came, according to legend, does not mean they have not worked out a method now." im so worried for the people oh no (?)

Yeah! It really seemed natural. But of course they also aren’t recreating it obsessively; lots of people are grouping up with relatives who normally live across the river, or with people in the same line of work on the river, because people also adapt to circumstances.

No institution is ever perfect, of course, but I’m glad the Watchers have come across this way so far. They’re broadly well-intentioned and mostly well-organized.

And they were not ready for this.

A significant fraction of the reason for the order of the Watchers to exist at all, particularly in this observatory with its great eye fixed ever on the face of the green moon, is to be able to warn the world if this ever happens again. But the Moon People knew they were being watched, this time, and they kept all the build-up to mobilization that might have given them away on the far side of the moon until the last minute.

What the Magister is doing, as I hope was made clear or at least successfully indicated--I wish your commentary on the ending had come through!--is summoning what turns out to be an actual child from another world to do hero stuff.

Even if he’d gotten an adult that would be kidnapping someone to help with your problems, a routine element of the portal fantasy whose ethics have been addressed in a variety of ways, most famously ‘is Lion Jesus and always right.’ 

The reason they need a hero from another world is that the Moon People build a lot of their wards and their offensive and disabling magical attacks around a targeting system based on what planet people are from, because even though they’re originally from the same stock--they’re the descendants of ancient moon colonists who evacuated ahead of a major meteor impact somewhere approaching four thousand years ago--on a magical level having been born and raised on the planet or the moon makes a pretty huge difference. 

So no one can get into the place their magic space elevator is anchored and fuck it up so they can’t keep bringing troops and supply in and loot out. Their single supply line is their only strategic weakness, and they’ve taken appropriate precautions.

Getting someone in from a third location is the best idea anyone’s been able to come up with in the very limited time available. Since no one can figure out how to turn one of the Moon People against the cause they came here for, on short notice, when they aren’t even stopping to talk to anyone so far. Like, that’s clearly not going to happen.

Heron Yl Fanult isn’t unaware that it’s ethically questionable, but he’s doing it anyway.

So I’m glad the ominous imminent oncoming of the Moon People can really be felt, because that atmosphere is fairly essential context for the decisionmaking going on at the top of the Tower.

"Young wizards sit in their bunks, six each to rooms that were previously individual, and hold lighting cupped dancing in their palms." a quick break from being worried to point out that this is rad as hell / "some with their heads decorously covered..." cultural differences!! especially with regional purposes like the Hedro!! 

Thank you! 😆💖 I thought so too lol. 

It also establishes the parameters of the magic system a little more. Throwing lightning bolts is pretty iconicly high-powered, right? And here it’s what most of the student wizards are practicing in anticipation of a battle, because most of them aren’t specced into combat and this is actually one of the easier lethal spells to master, especially if you have an academic background.

‘Electrocute’ isn’t a very flexible spell and it’s easy to lose control of, but it’s actually easier than, say, ‘set on fire to a significant degree in a non-electrical manner’ because concentrating a lot of heat in a certain location takes a lot more brute force than encouraging ionization. 

You can pull most of the actual destructive force for the palm lightning spell out of the physical air and/or earth if you grasp the principles, which is much easier than channeling a comparable amount of magic directly because it doesn’t have to go through you. 

The limiting factors on magic in this setting are how much power you can tap into and how much of it you can actually use without hurting or killing yourself. It’s not usually a lot, though the amount can be increased by things like choosing your workspace, prepping your workspace, and a whole lot of practice and meditation and things like that.

Magical traditions that get bundled under the heading of wizardry tend to focus on force multiplication, obtaining enough contextual understanding of a subject to make whatever power is applied go further. This means a lot of studying theory and using magic to make observations (such as the existence of microorganisms and their connection to disease) and often results in making clever devices based on what you’ve learned that may not actually wind up being magical at all. 

Which is why the solar greenhouse proposal is considered ‘more wizardly’ than the fruit walls, which are wizardly in the first place even though the technology is pretty widespread at this point--it’s carried the principle of minimizing the energy you have to invest to get the result you want to the logical conclusion, where you don’t have to do any magic at all, you just set up the situation and get out of the way and the sun will do the work for you.

Other schools of magic, particularly religious ones, are more likely to emphasize just getting better at handling energy for yourself, which tends to yield a lot more in the way of immediate practical dividends and in a lot of quarters wizards who don’t do something obviously practical like physic or smithcraft with their theoretical background are considered crackpots or dilettantes 

An impression helped along by the fact that being taken on as a student of wizardry at a basic level tends to focus more on your reading comprehension than your ability to actually do any magic, so in places where religious and wizardly institutions coexist the most talented students have a tendency to gravitate toward the religious life. This is particularly marked in areas religiously dominated by the Compact of the Golden Circle, wherein full ordination is contingent on being able to pull off certain fairly hefty rituals, so if you aren’t physically or mentally up to that kind of magical heavy lifting your religious career will stall out in one of the lay fraternities. In some of the cities on Sutouchel, the landmass to the southeast where the Compact is based, a slang term for wizard is ‘sanctum washout.’

But of course force multiplication is something that can scale up pretty far, and studying theory doesn’t stop you from also putting work into your practical skills, and not having talent isn’t the only reason someone would choose not to seek out a clerical career, if it’s even an option. Religion along the Meroda is pretty localized; communities tend to have local deities who correspond to a natural feature like the nearest mountain or the river or something, and if that deity rates a fulltime shrine the keeper also tends to be the major local medical provider, and since the wizards got settled in at the Tower it’s become pretty popular for shrinekeeping families to send their kids there for a year or two to get some educational polish in addition to what their parent already emphasized.

So depending on where you live and what your personal experience has been you’re going to have very different ideas about what wizards are good for.

Hrm. I’ve gone on a tangent. But that wound up taking so long you came back! :D I love it when being turtle works out in my favor.

Or was this actually the meta I was supposed to be doing in the first place? Aaaaa who knows.

im fairly confident you said eight asks survived so this is number nine? anyways onwards! "The hale survivors of the First Battle of the Second Descent sit waiting in their leathers, jack-chains and helmets laughably inadequate armor against the coming danger, and yet the best hope now just as they were on Carun Tol once the wizard fell" i have a lot of emotions about how their best bet is also a terrible bet but its all they have (9/?)

Yes 8. 

Woo, thank you! ^^ & I love that you described it that way because that also describes the ‘summon alien’ spell Yl Fanult is casting and echoing the same emotional theme throughout the scene was very much the goal here.

"Threads have escaped from the braids pinned across the top of her skull: she has not had the chance to take them down for two days." god just the continuation of how desperate everything is / "He leans forward to peer through the narrow glass that has been turned on its articulated base to face the middle of the room, and relaxes very slightly. At least there has been no catastrophic alteration there, either." what does that one do id assume theres no approching army in the middle of the room -

:D Yeah, the fact that one of the chief medics available is already overworked to the point of neglecting nonessential personal hygiene and the enemy isn’t even here yet I hoped would resonate.

Well, remember how some of the telescopes at the beginning point in directions not included in the normal three dimensions of space? :}

- "trained as it long has been upon the face of the moon" also forgot to mention their enemies being from the moon is Rad As Hell / "He snaps his fingers for a spark that falls into the deep circular groove full of distilled spirits, and steps through that as well. He is not burned." ooooh whats he doing / "At his feet lie a glittering piece of gold ore, a moonstone, and a carefully sanded round of pumice." i see the connection to the moonstone bc moon army but i wonder about the others -

Thank you! It took a fair amount of poking before I decided it was a solid approach; it provides just enough physical alienation that there’s no direct cultural relationship and you can have that ‘everyone in the entire world Disliked That’ vibe, without needing to create any complicated magical and cultural explanation for such a long run of isolationism. They were out of contact because they were On The Moon.

Also I really get a kick out of putting space invaders in a fantasy setting in a way that stops just short of turning into sci-fi.

I’m glad the ritual lead-up is exciting! Even if the foreshadowing wasn’t as obvious as I thought it was lol. That’s fixable. 

Gold is for the sun, moonstone is yeah for the moon lol (although in other circumstances people also use jade, because it’s been a long time since the moon was uniformly silver on account of it having been terraformed a few thousand years ago) and pumice is for the world--it’s a stone full of air that floats on water, so it’s popular as an anchoring device for rituals that call on all three local celestial bodies.

"He cannot take much time. He has only until the ring of fire dies." whats he doingggggg / anyways i love this so much!! the descriptions are gorgeous and im so invested in all of everything!! i hope you write more im so curious about it all!! 

XD Ok I covered this already, I would have saved it for down here or Been Mysterious if tumblr hadn’t eaten the last few asks the first time lol. Thank you so much again! For encouragement! Before and now! I’ll try! To keep it going!

Here’s hoping this successfully posts, tumblr just kicked me onto New Dashboard again and disabled the turn-it-off button, so now my alternate posting strategy is borked up too. 🤞😅😘

[the-desolated-quill]

Watchmen - Movie blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. if you haven’t seen this movie yet, you may want to before reading this review)

A movie adaptation of Watchmen had been in development in some form or another since the graphic novel was first published back in 1987. Over the course of its two decade development cycle, being passed from filmmaker to filmmaker who each had their own vision of what a Watchmen movie should be, fans objected to the idea of a movie adaptation, describing Watchmen as ‘unfilmmable.’ Alan Moore himself condemned the effort to adapt his work, saying that Watchmen does things that can only be done in a comic book. But where there’s a will, there’s a way, and in 2009, Watchmen finally came to the big screen, directed by Zack Snyder.

I confess it took me a lot longer to write this review than I intended and that’s largely because I wasn’t sure how best to approach it. Snyder clearly has a lot of love and respect for the source material and tried his best to honour it as best he could. Snyder himself even said that he considers the film to be an advert for the book, hoping to get newcomers interested in the material. So how should I be looking at this film? As an adaptation or as an artistic tribute? More to the point, which of the three versions of the film should I be reviewing? The original theatrical cut, the director’s cut or the ultimate cut? Which best reflects Snyder’s artistic vision?

After much pondering, I decided to go with the director’s cut. The theatrical release was clearly done to make studio execs happy by keeping the runtime under three hours, but it comes at the cost of major plot points and character moments being chucked away. The ultimate cut however comes in at a whopping four hours and is arguably the most accurate to the source material as it also contains the animated Tales Of The Black Freighter scenes. However these scenes break the narrative flow of the film and were clearly not intended to be part of the final product, being inserted only to appease the fans. The director’s cut feels most like Snyder’s vision, clocking in at three and half hours and following the graphic novel fairly closely whilst leaving room for artistic licence.

Now as some of you may know, while I’m not exactly what you would call a fan of Zack Snyder’s work, I do have something of a begrudging respect for him due to his willingness to take creative risks and attempt to tell more complex, thought provoking narratives that don’t necessarily adhere to the blockbuster formula. Films like Watchmen and Batman Vs Superman prove to me that the man clearly has a lot of good ideas and a drive to really make an audience think about what they’re watching and question certain things about the characters. The problem is that he never seems to know how best to convey those ideas on screen. In my review of Batman Vs Superman, I likened him to a fire hose. Extremely powerful, but unless you’ve got someone holding onto the thing with both hands and pointing it in the right direction, it’s just going to go all over the place. I admire Snyder’s dedication and thought process, but I think the fact that his most successful film, Man Of Steel, also happens to be the one he had the least creative influence on speaks volumes. When he’s got someone to work with and bounce ideas off of, he can be a creative force to be reckoned with. Left to his own devices however, and his films tend to go off the rails very quickly.

Watchmen is very much Snyder’s passion project. You can tell a lot of care and effort went into this. The accuracy of the costumes, staging and set designs speak for themselves. However there is an underlying problem with Snyder trying to painstakingly recreate the graphic novel on film. While I don’t agree with the purists who say that Watchmen is ‘unfilmmable’, I do agree with Alan Moore’s statement that there are certain aspects of the graphic novel that can only work in a graphic novel. A key example of this is its structure. Watchmen has the luxury of telling its non-linear narrative over twelve issues in creative and unorthodox ways. A structure that’s incredibly hard to translate into any other medium. A twelve episode TV mini-series might come close, but a movie, even a three hour movie, is going to struggle due to the sheer density of the material and the unconventional structure. Whereas the structure of the graphic novel allowed Alan Moore to dedicate whole chapters to the origin stories of Doctor Manhattan and Rorschach and filling in the gaps of this alternate history, the structure of a movie doesn’t really allow for that. And yet Snyder tries really hard to follow the structure of the book even though it simply doesn’t work on film, which results in the movie coming to a screeching halt as the numerous flashbacks and origin stories disrupt the flow of the narrative, causing it to stop and start constantly at random intervals, like someone kangarooing in a rundown car.

Just as Watchmen the graphic novel played around with the common tropes and framing devices of comics, Watchmen the movie needed to play around with the common tropes and framing devices of comic book movies. To Snyder’s credit, there are moments where he does do that. The most notable being the first five minutes where we see the entire history of the world of Watchmen during the opening credits while ‘The Times They Are A-Changing’ is played in the background. This is legitimately good. It depicts the rise and fall of the superhero in a way only a movie can. I wish Snyder did more stuff like this rather than restricting himself to just recreating panels from the graphic novel.

Which is not to say I think the film is bad. On the contrary, I think it’s pretty damn good. There’s a lot of things to like about this movie. The biggest, shiniest gold star has to go to Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach. While the movie itself was divisive at the time, Haley’s portrayal of Rorschach was universally praised as he did an excellent job bringing this extreme right wing bigot to life. He has become to Rorschach what Ryan Reynolds is to Deadpool or what Mark Hamill is to the Joker. He is the character (rather tragically. LOL). To the point where it’s actually scary how similar Haley looks to Walter Kovacs from the graphic novel. The resemblance is uncanny.

Another standout performance is Jeffery Dean Morgan as the Comedian. Just as depraved and unsavoury as the comic version, but Morgan is also able to inject some real charm and pathos into the character. You believe that Sally Jupiter would have consensual sex with him despite everything he did to her before. But his best scene I think was his scene with Moloch (played by Matt Frewer) where the Comedian expresses regret for all the terrible things he did. It’s a genuinely emotional and impactful scene and Morgan manages to wring some sympathy out of the audience even though the character doesn’t really deserve it. But that’s what makes Rorschach and the Comedian such great characters. Yes they’re both depraved individuals, but they’re also fully realised and three dimensional. They feel like real people, which is what makes their actions and morals all the more shocking.

Then there’s Doctor Manhattan, who in my opinion stands as a unique technical achievement in film. The number of departments that had to work together to bring him to life is staggering. Visual effects, a body double, lighting, sound, it’s a truly impressive collaborative effort, all tied together by Billy Crudup’s exceptional performance. He arguably had the hardest job out of the whole cast. How do you portray an all powerful, emotionless, quantum entity without him coming across as a robot? Crudup manages this by portraying Manhattan as being less emotionless and more emotionally numb, which makes his rare displays of emotion, such as his shock and anger during the TV interview, stand out all the more. It’s a great depiction that I don’t think is given the credit it so richly deserves.

Which leads into something else about the movie, which will no doubt be extremely controversial, but I’m going to say it anyway. I much prefer the ending in the film to the ending in the book.

Hear me out.

In my review of the final issue of Watchmen, I said I didn’t like the squid because of its utter randomness. The plot of the movie however works so much better both from a narrative and thematic perspective. Ozymandias framing Doctor Manhattan makes a hell of a lot more sense than the squid. For one thing, it doesn’t dump a massive amount of new info on us all at once. It’s merely an extension of previously known facts. We know Ozymandias framed Manhattan for giving people cancer to get him off world. It’s not much of a stretch to imagine the world could also buy that Manhattan would retaliate after being ostracised. We also see Adrian and Manhattan working together to create perpetual energy generators, which turn out to be bombs. It marries up perfectly with the history of Watchmen as well as providing an explanation for why there’s an intrinsic field generator in Adrian’s Antarctic base. It also provides a better explanation for why Manhattan leaves Earth at the end despite gaining a newfound respect for humanity. But what I love most of all is how it links to Watchmen’s central themes. 

Thanks to the existence of Doctor Manhattan, America has become the most powerful nation in the world to the point where its disrupted the global balance of power. This has led to the escalation of the Cold War with Russia as well as other countries like Vietnam being at the mercy of the United States. It also allowed Nixon to stay in office long after his two terms had expired. The reason the squid from the book is so unsatisfying as a conclusion is because you don’t buy that anyone would be willing to help America after the New York attack. In fact it would be more likely that Russia and other countries might take advantage of America’s vulnerability. Manhattan’s global attack however not only gives the whole world motivation to work together, it also puts America in a position where they have no choice but to ask for help because it was they that effectively created this mess in the first place. So seeing President Nixon pleading for a global alliance feels incredibly satisfying because we’re seeing a corrupt individual hoist by his own petard and trying to save his own skin, even if it comes at the cost of his power. America is now like a wounded animal, and while world peace is ultimately achieved, the US is now a shadow of its former self. It fits in so perfectly with the overall story of Watchmen, frankly I’m amazed Alan Moore didn’t come up with this himself.

It’s not perfect however. Since the whole genetic engineering stuff no longer exists, it makes the existence of Adrian’s pet lynx Bubastis rather perplexing. Also the whole tachyons screwing with Doctor Manhattan’s omniscience thing still doesn’t make a pixel of sense. But the biggest flaw is in Adrian Veidt’s characterisation. For one thing, Matthew Goode’s performance isn’t remotely subtle. He practically screams ‘bad guy’ the moment he appears on screen. He has none of the charm or charisma that the source material’s Ozymandias had. But it’s worse than that because Snyder seems to be going out of his way to uncomplicate and de-politicise the story and characters. There’s no mention of Adrian’s liberalism or his disdain for Nixon and right wing politics. The film never explores his obsession with displaying his own power and superiority over right wing superheroes like Rorschach and the Comedian. He’s just the generic bad guy. And I do mean bad guy. Whereas the graphic novel left everything up to the reader to decide who was morally in the right, the film takes a very firm stance on who the audience should be siding with. Don’t believe me? Just look at how Rorschach’s death is presented to us.

It’s very clear while watching the film that Zack Snyder is a big Rorschach fan. He gets the most screen time and there’s a lot of effort dedicated to his portrayal and depiction. And that’s fine. There’s nothing necessarily wrong with that. As I’ve mentioned before in previous blogs, Rorschach is my favourite character too. However it’s important not to lose sight of who the character is and what he’s supposed to represent, otherwise you run the risk of romanticising him, which is exactly what the film ends up doing. Rorschach’s death in the graphic novel wasn’t some heroic sacrifice. It was a realisation that he has no place in the world that Ozymandias has created, as well as revealing the hypocrisy of the character. In the extra material provided in The Abyss Gazes Also, we learn that, as a child, Walter supported President Truman’s use of the atomic bomb in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and yet, in his adult life, he opposes Adrian’s plan. Why? What’s the difference? Well the people who died in Hiroshima and Nagasaki weren’t American. They were Japanese. The enemy. In Rorschach’s mind, they deserved to die, whereas the people in New York didn’t. It signifies the flawed nature of Rorschach’s black and white view of the world as well as displaying the racist double standards of the character. Without the context of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Rorschach’s death becomes skewed. This is what ends up happening in the movie. Rorschach removes his mask and makes a bold declaration to Doctor Manhattan, the music swells as he is disintegrated, defiant to the last, and his best friend Nite Owl screams in anguish and despair.

In fact the film takes it one step further by having Nite Owl punch Adrian repeatedly in the face and accuse him of deforming humanity, which completely contradicts the point of Dan Dreiberg as a character. He’s no longer the pathetic centrist who requires a superhero identity to feel any sort of power or validation. He’s now the everyman representing the views of the audience, which just feels utterly wrong.

This links in with arguably the film’s biggest problem of all. The way it portrays superheroes in general. The use of slow motion, cinematography and fight choreography frames the superheroes and vigilantes of Watchmen as being powerful, impressive individuals, when really the exact opposite should be conveyed. The costumes give the characters a feeling of power, but that power is an illusion. Nite Owl is really an impotent failure. Rorschach is an angry bigot lashing out at the world. The Comedian is a depraved old man who has let his morals fall by the way side so he can indulge in his own perverse fantasies. They’re not people to be idealised. They’re to be at pitied at best and reviled at worst. So seeing them jump through windows and beating up several thugs single handed through various forms of martial arts ultimately confuses the message, as does the use of gratuitous gore and violence. Are we supposed to be shocked by these individuals or in awe? 

Costumes too have a similar problem. Nite Owl and Ozymandias’ costumes have been updated so they look more imposing, which kind of defeats the purpose of them. The point is they look silly to us, the outside observers, but they make the characters feel powerful. That juxtaposition is lost in the film. And then there’s the Silk Spectre. In the graphic novel, both Sally and Laurie represent the changing attitudes of women in comics and in society. Both Silk Spectres are sexually objectified, but whereas Sally accepts it as part of the reality of being a woman, Laurie resists it, seeing it as demeaning. The only reason she wore her revealing costume in A Brother To Dragons was because she knew that Dan found it sexually attractive and she wanted to indulge his power fantasy. None of this is touched upon in the film, other than one passing mention of the Silk Spectre porn magazine near the beginning of the film. There’s not even any mention of how impractical her costume is, like the graphic novel does. Yes the film changes her look drastically, but it’s still just as impractical and could have been used to make a point on how women are perceived in comic book films, but it never seems to hinder her in anyway. It’s never even brought up, which is ridiculous. Zack Snyder’s reinterpretation of Silk Spectre is clearly meant to inject some form of girl power into the proceedings, as she’s presented as being just as impressive and kick-ass as the others, when the whole point of her character was to expose the misogyny of the comics industry at the time and how they cater to the male gaze. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying the graphic novel did it perfectly, but it did it a hell of a lot better than this.

Die hard fans have described the film over the years as shallow and ‘style over substance.’ I don’t think that’s entirely fair. It’s clear that Zack Snyder has a huge respect for the graphic novel and wanted to do it justice. Overall the film has a lot of good ideas and is generally well made. However, as much as Snyder seems to love Watchmen, it does seem like he only has a surface level understanding of it, hence why the attention and effort seems to be going into the visuals and the faithfulness to Alan Moore’s attention to detail rather than the Watchmen’s story and themes. While the film at times makes some good points about power, corruption and morality, it doesn’t go nearly as far as the source material does and seems to shy away from really getting into the meat of any particular topic. Part of that I suspect is to do with marketability, not wanting to alienate casual viewers, but I think a lot of it is to do with it simply being in the wrong medium. I personally don’t think you can really do a story as complex and intricate as Watchmen’s justice in a Hollywood film. In my opinion, this really should have been a TV mini-series or something.

So on the whole, while I appreciate Snyder’s attempt at bringing the story of Watchmen to life and can see that he has the best intentions in mind, I don’t think this film holds a candle to the original source material. 

[aspoonofsugar]

The Role of “Hate” in Pluto

I have just finished Pluto and one of the things I found the most interesting about it is how it explores the concept of “hate”.

The ending is very clear in its condemnation of it:

However, more than this, what I find fascinating is how the story arrives to this point and what this conclusion means. As a matter of fact hate and other negative emotions like sadness, anger and grief are all portrayed as very human emotions which are very common and difficult to avoid. So, this meta will try to explore this idea further.

Pluto is a retelling of one of Osamu Tezuka’s stories which is called The Greatest Robot on Earth.

Because of this, I think that a good way to go at it when analysing it is to ask ourselves what the greatest robot on Earth should be like.

This is professor Tenma’s answer:

As a scientist Tenma wants to recreate human nature through an AI. Humans hate, feel sadness and lie, so a perfect robot should be able to do these things as well.

Let’s underline that this idea which is fully expressed by Tenma is prepared throughout the narration in several ways far before Tenma makes it explicit.

For example, Brau 1589 states that no malfunction has been found in his AI. This is because him killing a person does not make him less perfect, but actually better than other robots because it makes him closer to a human. This is once again clarified by Tenma when he visits the robot:

Similarly, Atom says something interesting here:

On a less darker note, the narrative offers several examples of minor human weaknesses robots are not supposed to share:

In a conversation he has with Gesicht, Hoffman states jokingly how a robot who skips work could be considered progress. This is perfectly coherent with the ideals embodied by professor Tenma’s character.

This idea might seem to endorse a pretty negative perspective of human nature. This is certainly partially true given Tenma’s cynism and his status as a person who has escaped from society and so who avoids interactions with other human beings as much as possible.

However, when it comes to Tenma, I think that what he thinks about hate and human imperfection is something a little more complex than that:

Tenma created Atom to somehow “resurrect” his son who died in a car accident. However, he soon realized that Atom was not Tobio. First of all he does not mature like human children do:

Secondly he doesn’t share Tobio’s feelings and imperfection. He can try to imitate them, but when it comes to a feeling as complex as the one of hate he doesn’t know what to reply to Tenma.

So, for Tenma the negative traits which made Tobio human are the ones he misses the most and Atom lacking them is why he decides to sell him and to leave him behind.

This is to highlight how Tenma’s vision of the world is not simply one driven by scientific curiousity and a sense of nihilism. Those two are aspects definately present in him and they make up a great part of his personality, but they are rooted in Tobio’s death and in Tenma’s inability to overcome grief:

This is made clear by Tenma’s reaction to Atom’s death and to his willingness not to respect any moral or scientific bounds in order to have him back:

Here Tenma is doing something very similar to what he did when Tobio died. He chooses to do what he can to bring his son back even if he knows that he might be giving birth to a demon.

This is important when we consider Gesicht’s story and his role.

Gesicht, like Tenma, is a father who lost a son in a horrible way. His reaction to this loss was pure anger and hate for the child’s killer. The hate was so strong that motivated him to kill a human being despite this going against the robotic laws. It is obvious that if one takes out the fantascientific setting the situation is already one with which we can empathize. Gesicht is portrayed as a very moral person. This is no surprise since he was programmed to be a robot cop. However, when a great injustice hurt him personally he gave in to revenge and broke the law. This is the core of Gesicht’s character and his struggle.

This is important for at least two reasons.

1) The first one is that Gesicht killing the man out of hate is relevant when it comes to his and Mr Haas’s subplot:

Mr Haas’s wife suggests that Gesicht (being him a robot) could not have killed Haas’s brother motivated by such a negative feeling as hate. She argues that what happened must have happened out of necessity while Gesicht was trying to fulfill his duty.

The idea that robots not having emotions can be considered something which makes them better than humans is touched on several times. Here is an example:

A judge whose judgment is not clouded by emotions can be considered better than one who can become irrational due to feelings.

In short, it seems logical to think that Mr Haas’s anger towards Gesicht would be misplaced if the robot killed without hate and justified if the robot killed with hate.

However, this is not how things play out in the end.

As a matter of fact it is specifically the fact that both Haas and Gesicht acted moved by hate that lets them understand each other:

Finally, it is the fact that Gesicht still chose to protect both Mr Haas and his family despite what had occurred between them what finally motivates Mr Haas to change idea about him and hopefully robots in general:

In other words, it is not the fact that Gesicht is unable to feel hate which makes him better than Mr Haas, but the fact that he was able to overcome it. This is what gets through to Mr Haas and inspires him to be better. After all, if Gesicht was simply a person without emotions it would be difficult for Mr Haas to relate to him and it would be easy for him to keep hating the robot as someone inhuman. However, the fact that the two of them are flawed in a very similar way, but that Gesicht still chose to abide to some sort of moral code (like his duty as a policeman) is the proof that Mr Haas has the chance to do the same.

The way things were sorted out between them makes sense also considering Mr Haas’s backstory. As a matter of fact his and his brother’s hate for robots was born by the fact that they were considered better workers than humans and that this led to the brothers’ father being fired. What is more a robot’s too strict application of the law is what led to the man’s death:

The robot was technically right since the brothers’ father had stolen, but at the same time all he stole was a ball to give his children some joy.

In other words, arguments about how robots are better than humans and superior to them are bound not to have the right effect on someone like Mr Haas since his hate is born partially by this exact idea. However, seeing how similar to him Gesicht was managed to obtain some results.

2) The second reason is this:

Throughout the story this scene seems to be a part of an extremely dark memory Gesicht is trying to suppress. He is literally haunted by this scene and it keeps coming to his mind when he sees robots’ bodies among other things. In short, everything leads the reader to think that what happened between Gesicht and the man asking money out of him is something negative.

However, when we are finally revealed the context of the scene this is what we discover:

Gesicht’s memory was not an unhappy one, but on the contrary it was him remembering the day he became a father. In other words it is the day Gesicht learnt parental love.

At the same time this scene is at the origin of Gesicht’s hate and violent action. As a matter of fact one can not choose to only have positive emotions. If one feels he is bound to deal with both the good and the bad of it:

All in all the story if full of love being used to fuel hate and of hate overcome by love.

This becomes apparent in the character of Sahad aka Pluto:

This abstract sign is identified by Atom as a negative feeling and when we meet Pluto for the first time he has been realizing works of abstract art:

This picture might seem chilling at first sight especially if the reader realizes that the robot who has drawn it is Pluto. Uran herself is led to Pluto because she can feel his immense pain and she wants to help him.

However, as Sahad spends more time with Uran in a somehow positive environment he starts to remember what he was originally created for aka his father original wish:

And so what seemed like an abstract mirror of a pained subconscious becomes a wonderful field of flowers able to move Uran to tears.

After all, the whole conflict is born by a huge dream being destroyed by war and by a man losing his children and his wife.

What Abra/Goji wants is revenge and it is meaningful that he tries to obtain it through three cyborgs (counting Goji himself) who were originally created to turn the desert into a field of flowers.

The example of Bora is self-explanatory:

He was supposed to be a robot who could save the planet, but he has been turned into a weapon which could destroy humanity instead.

In short, negative feelings are a part of being humans and they are strongly intertwined with positive ones. These two points come together in Atom’s “resurrection”. This part of the plot is also linked to Gesicht’s arc and his role as a father.

Atom is able to wake up thanks to Gesicht “hate” and Epsilon’s “sadness”:

After his awakening he is said to be able to feel hate and this is proven true during his battle against Pluto:

This in itself is important and can be used to make some considerations:

Here Brau claims that Atom has matured to which Atom’s reply is that he can not grow since he is a robot.

This is interesting because the fact that Atom can not grow is one of the reasons why Tenma realized that he was never going to be like Tobio. The other one was Atom’s inability to feel hate. These were the two main reasons why Tenma considered Atom a failure.

However, after his awakening Atom has learnt what hate is and he is said to have matured. What Brau noticed was probably something more similar to a change happened in the inside rather than one happened on the outside.

In other words Atom has grown not because he has matured physically, but because he has now a better understanding of human emotions among which hate.

This is no different than a child growing up and having to learn the complexity of the world and to make sense of their negative feelings.

After all, given Tenma’s description of the perfect AI here:

It is difficult not to think of it as a child aka as a being who has in front of themselves all the possibilities and who will grow to become only one of those possibilities.

In a sense this is very similar to what was said in Monster:

Children can become anything and the parents have a great role in influencing their future developments.

This becomes obvious through Gesicht and Atom’s relationship.

As a matter of fact what Atom learnt from Gesicht is not only what hate is, but also this:

He learnt how to overcome it and that humanity is not just hate, but also hope:

This is why the manga ends with a wish and a prayer which are actions born out of hope:

Let’s also underline how the bomb formula Atom writes down after he wakes up is not just something born out of a new found hatred for the world, but it is probably something he learnt thanks to Epsilon who realized that the Earth was in danger just before dying:

Let us also underline how “sorrow” (aka what Atom learnt from Epsilon) plays a part in the ending just as much as “hate” does. As a matter of fact once Atom overcomes his hatred he starts crying and so does Pluto and the two comment how strange that feeling is. It is also interesting how Epsilon’s death, just like Gesicht’s one is linked to a child. As a matter of fact the two robots both survived a fight against Pluto and gave up the chance to kill him only to then die trying to protect a child.

This is linked to the last point of the analysis i.e. to how Atom surviving is representative of the importance of protecting children and in this way the future itself.

After all, throughout the narrative Atom is paralleled to Gesicht’s child, so it is meaningful that in the end he survives thanks to Gesicht’s sacrifice. At the same time he is the one inheriting Gesicht’s legacy like a child who is taught by a parent. Even if the parent messed up he has still the chance to teach the child to be better. So, Atom is able to put into practice what Gesicht learnt and is able to connect with Pluto.

In conclusion, to answer the question which started this analysis I would say that the Greatest Robot on Earth is not the strongest or the one who exhibits somehow better qualities than humans, but it is a robot who is human and who at the same time is able to learn from humans (like the robots developing emotions by imitating human behaviours), but also to teach humans to be better:

This is evident also in how Brau develops. Brau has always been an AI very similar to humans since he managed to develop hate, but after his meeting with Atom he starts to understand something else. He calls it “a heart” and he is able to feel it both in a person as noble as Atom and in a person as despicable as the President. The fact that in the end he chooses to kill Doctor Roosevelt instead of the President underlines a choice the character makes. Despite how much imperfect humans are Brau still chooses them over an AI who is incredibly advanced and intelligent, but lacks a “heart”.

[bhandarimarblekishangarh]

Granite That Mesmerize your home

Each and every year, stone and tile trends change constantly in the architectural and design communities and can be difficult to keep up with. We at Contemporary Stone & Tile Design magazine wanted to get opinions from different architects and designers around the country to find out what they are seeing, and what they expect to see. Before getting into the trends they are seeing, let’s spend a little time getting to know those who are about to answer:

Lori Wiles— “I’m a true Midwesterner, born and raised in Missouri, now living in Iowa. Growing up, I spent lots of time in the working barns and classic farm houses in my rural area. My capable and creative mom gave me ample opportunity to draw, paint, sew and build things for fun. That led to a degree in interior design and a long career in the field. I’ve always been especially interested in interior architecture and how it impacts the people who use the spaces. My interior design firm specializes in planning new construction and re-modelling with the end user experience in mind.”

Ryan Thewes— “I grew up in Southern Indiana and graduated from Ball State University. After graduation, I was fortunate to get a job in Chicago, IL, working for a former Frank Lloyd Wright apprentice –

Don Erickson. The incredible experience of working for Don introduced me to the theories of Wright’s organic architecture which, amon

g many other things, focused on the use of natural materials and the creation of space. I expanded on my education of organic

architecture by also working for Robert Green, a former Frank Lloyd Wright apprentice in Atlanta, GA, and eventually an apprenticeship with Bart Prince in Albuquerque, NM. I am currently practicing out of Nashville, TN.”

Maxim Nasab— “I am the principal and founder of Apexx Architecture, a firm specializing in bridge architecture and recreational piers. Our firm is located in Tallahassee, FL. I am originally from Montréal, Canada. I got into architecture because it allowed me to pursue my love of science and technology, but also allowed my creativity to flourish. Architecture has the power to change cities for the better for generations. It is a profession that can truly make the world a better place and architects have the responsibility to ensure this through their designs.

I believe in designing for the people and the greater good rather than fame or recognition. I believe that great architecture is derived from honesty and transparency. Using local natural materials and allowing the structural system to express itself by integrating it within the design. Whenever I walked in buildings, and even today, I always tried to guess the materials that buildings were structurally supported by. It always made me a little sad when materials were not honest or true, or the structure was not evident. This is one reason why I went into bridge architecture. It is very hard to hide the structure of a bridge, and instead I always try to enhance its visibility, express its beauty and make it clear to the user as to how it is supported. Anyone should be able to walk in.”

Charmaine Wynter— “I am Jamaican Canadian, and an international multi-awarded interior designer with projects spanning the residential and hospitality sector. My natural design talent began to make its emergence in 1981, surprising family and friends, but it wasn’t until the late 1980s that I took it seriously and enrolled in an interior design program at a recognized college. I founded my design firm in Toronto, Canada in 1996; and later transitioned to the Dallas, TX, location in 2016, where it is now headquartered. Now many decades post-graduation, as principle designer, I jet back and forth to work projects of interest on both sides of the Canadian and U.S. boarders — infusing each with my signature distinctive luxurious living design aesthetics.”

Dawn D. Totty— “I started 25 years ago and it was fast and furious in New York. When I transitioned from there to the south, I was 1,000 miles away. I had to start from scratch. I had to reinvent myself. That was challenging.”

Trends with stone

One of the first things I discussed with each of our participants were the trends they were seeing with stone in particular. Over the years, the popularity of engineered stone has fluctuated, while natural stone seems to be extremely popular with some people rather than others. According to Wiles, she is seeing more people interested in using stone in their homes and offices than even a few years ago. “From my perspective, it’s become easier than ever to find the perfect material for any project with all of the stones available,” she said. “I particularly like the uniformly colored stones at the extremes of light and dark palettes. These make a great statement and give some confidence that a color palette can change through the years without having to change the large areas of stone.”

Wiles isn’t the only one that sees the popularity in natural stone. Thewes, Nasab and Wynter all agree with her. “What I have been seeing is a lot of natural materials, natural colors and natural tones,” said Nasab. “Limestone is really popular along with granites that have that limestone look. Minimalism and honesty in materials is coming back strong and will be here to stay for a while. Clients and users are craving that real feeling when they touch materials, which is why a lot of the companies are working hard to mimic that look and feel. Some of them are getting really close, too.”

Thewes is seeing a lot more requests for stone as the popularity of “Mid-Century Modern” design continues to rise. “I think part of this is because people still want modern design, but are turned off by the cold sterile nature of some of it,” he said. “The use of natural materials like wood and stone help soften the design yet allow us to keep a strong modern aesthetic. Linear stacked stone complements these types of projects perfectly by emphasizing the horizontal line and providing a defined texture that works well in opposition to smooth surfaces like wood, glass and drywall. Depending on the budget, we have had some pretty good success with engineered stone. However, for the more discerning client, it is tough to beat natural stone. While the wide range of colors are still often used and will never go out of style, we are seeing more of a request for darker colors. Almost black in some cases.”

Wynter is seeing popularity with quartz surfacing because of its look and durability. “Quartz is extremely popular with clients seeking a marble look, but the durability only provided by engineered stones,” said Wynter. “Stone is such a luxe material with its many faceted sheens and textures that there are trends within a trend. However, in general, I’m using more cool-toned hues with larger veining and fissure movement within the stone than a few years ago.”

Totty sees it not only with natural stone but also with quartz, because of how they look. “Patterns, movement and more color is making its way into the realm of interior design with the usage of quartz and marble being the forerunners,” said Totty. “Stone pigments that are currently trending are soft greens, grays and neutrals that are a wonderful complement to today’s interior design trends.”

When it comes to application of stone, according to Wynter, it is being more of the norm with her clients. “What’s great is that as the use of luxury stones are becoming more the norm, my clients are relaxing and spaces are more often taking on a casual luxe style,” said Wynter. “I’m using stone on the flooring, countertops and backsplashes, fireplace facades, accent walls and in outdoor living rooms.”

“While fireplaces continue to be the place that people think of using stone first, I like to incorporate stone in lots of areas in a home like kitchens and bathroom,” said Wiles. “In commercial settings, a stone wall or columns are a fairly easily constructed feature that suggests stability and permanence.  I’ll consider using it in any area that I think needs a great visual weight to help balance out the space.”

For Thewes, he is seeing the most common use for stone is in accent walls for both residential and commercial projects. “The ability to light the walls really accentuates the texture and draws attention to the feature,” said Thewes. “This is very effective in commercial projects where traditionally, more sterile and simple materials are used. The stone offers a good break from these materials while also providing a durable and maintenance-free surface.”

For Nasab, he is seeing stone used primarily for exterior paving, stairs and plazas. “It really enhances the site and gives it that extra touch of beauty, especially when it’s a natural stone,” he said.

Totty is utilizing marble and granite in big ways, such as installing it onto kitchen walls for a bold and elegant statement. “Kitchen larders, countertops, backsplashes and even floors are some of my favorite uses for granite, quartz and marble,” said Totty. “Both commercial and residential projects are now implementing stone surfaces to create a regal look with the benefit of durability.”

Tile Design Trends

When it comes to designing with tile, it seems that the material is a lot like stone, especially for Totty. “Floor-to-ceiling tiled walls in kitchens and bathrooms, and even laundry rooms, are very popular,” she said. “In many cases, the tile is the dominating focal point to a room’s decor.”

According to Nasab, whose area of expertise is not tile, he has noticed that tiles have continued to evolve and currently they are still hitting strong with mimicking the look of natural stone.

One thing that stands out to Thewes with tiles are the extremes they go to with size. “Tile size trends have continued to swing away from the standard 12- x 12-inch tile to either extreme,” said Thewes. “Either very small or very large, depending on the application. For our projects, we still focus on the more earthy and muted colors that are more simple and less busy. Black and white are timeless and can be adapted to any style or aesthetic so they are always popular.

“There has been a pretty significant rise in the popularly of the wood plank tiles that gives the look of a wood floor, but the durability of tile,” Thewes went onto say. “I tend to shy away from materials that pretend to be something they are not, but I have seen a quite a few of these fake wood products that are very well done.”

Wiles has also noticed the different types and feels of tile that are currently on the market. “I continue to be amazed at how many tile designs there are and excited about the tactile finishes they have now,” said Wiles. “We’re seeing our client’s willingness to use a variety of shapes like hexagons, octagons and circles increase. They’re now open to shapes that would have been unheard of just a few years ago. It also seems that tile manufacturers have become really in tune with current color palettes and color palette projections, which helps designers use their products more easily.”

“Tiles are dimensional and showing up in large formats,” said Wynter. “Pattern is back after a long rest so we are embracing lace, ethnic and graphic print on wall and floor tile. Keep your eyes peeled for hues of green and coral — especially this year.”

As far as applications go, according to Wiles, “Beautifully tiled bathrooms are the number one request from homeowners so we’re designing fully tiled showers, tub surrounds and backsplashes. The development of the really large-scaled and textural tiles that mimic other materials makes feature walls a big hit as well.”

Wynter said that tile will always be the strongest in commercial applications due to its durability and resilient nature, but it is making strong headway into the residential arena as the popularity for outdoor backyard oasis’ increase. Totty agrees with Wynter in the outdoor use of tile. “Outdoor kitchens are now showcasing tiled areas for durability, as well as aesthetics,” said Totty. “Tile is still the first choice for most home and commercial installations, in particular, shower walls and floors, laundry and mud rooms, as well as entryways for low maintenance and easy clean-up.”

“For tile, floors are still the main use,” said Thewes. “Occasionally, we will see an accent wall or something similar executed, but mainly floors and shower surrounds are most popular.”

Trends moving forward

Finally, we asked these architects and designers about the trends moving forward for both stone and tile.

Totty– “Tile with graphic, bold patterns and colors are quite favorable and are being used as statement makers in powder rooms, kitchen floors and laundry rooms to create that ‘wow’ factor in interior design. Granite and marble with movement are now used as art. Matching up patterned seams and placed vertically on walls in high-end hotel lobbies creates an amazing show stopping affect to any wall.”

Wynter— “Green is coming on strong as a trend color that has made it to classic status, so I predict we will see green marbles, green granites in all hues from glass to jade, as of green slates.”

Nasab— “I believe that natural colors will stay for a while, especially in stone. It is hard to beat natural stone, especially now that it has become much more affordable. What I am seeing in tile is black and whites coming back. That modern minimalistic design is coming back strong. There is no better material than stone in terms of natural beauty and bang for the buck. I would encourage designers and clients to find local quarries and start from there rather than hit the foreign stones right off the bat. It really is a beautiful thing to use materials that are locally sourced and they truly make the projects feel as if they belong in the site they are built on.”

Thewes— “Looking into the future, I don’t really see much of a change for tile other than possibly an increase in use due to its durability. It’s a battle between what the client desires more, warmth or durability. However, I do think that the use of stone will continue to rise as it provides both warmth and durability. As the quality of engineered stone improves, costs should go down and using stone in projects will no longer be a major drain on budgets. Durability and low maintenance are always important client requests and this material fits right in with that while also providing a major increase in quality and design. The addition of stone to any project increases its value and the perception of cost.”

Wiles— “I think we will continue to see natural and natural-looking hard surface materials in demand. These will be used in larger areas and combined with other materials that have more of an artisan vibe to create really durable, tactile and friendly environments. Tile and stone are really designer’s friend. Once you know how to best use them and have great craftspeople to install them, they can transform any space.”

Added by expert and export team of Bhandari Marble World…………………..

[allisondraste]

Let’s Talk About Cole

Hi! It’s me again with another segment of “Allison Can’t Stop Analyzing Dragon Age Characters.”  This time, I am going to be talking about fan favorite Cole.  I think it’s relatively universal for people to like Cole and to enjoy his character.  People like to draw him, write about him, and just talk about our Fade Friend all the time. It’s great! 

However, the nuance of Cole is a little harder to understand, and as with most characters, he often gets reduced down to basic qualities and then those basic qualities are changed ever so slightly that the character starts to not even feel the same anymore.  I love Cole, and I have done some research about him in order to write a handful of scenes involving him, so I am just here to share some of the things that helped me out while I was learning about what makes him tick!

Step 1. If you have not read Asunder, I cannot more highly recommend it.  It has so much information about Cole’s back story.  Also, if you haven’t read Asunder and you don’t want spoilers for Asunder, you should probably go read it and then come back to my post later.

Step 2.  The Cole section of this post right here is literally magic.  The whole post is magic, but since this is a Cole meta, I’m specifically referring to the Cole piece.

Step 3.  Things about Cole that are essential to understanding him:

Cole is Neurodivergent ( and no, it’s not up for debate)

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, “Neurodivergent” is simply a word that describes a person whose mind works and processes information in a way that is considered different from an average joe neurotypical person.  Often times neurodivergent is used to describe autism, ADHD, and other conditions that affect neurological development.

Because Cole is a spirit, he processes the world around him differently from non-spirit characters in the Dragon Age Universe.  He perceives different things and understands things differently from how other characters might.  Cole also has some misunderstandings and misperceptions about human social norms and boundaries, that he becomes more acquainted with over time.  It is important to note that this development happens *regardless* of the path chosen for him with regard to Varric V. Solas (I am not a fan of this particular part of his character arc, but I am going to go into that later). The fact that Cole is neurodivergent means that someone who is neurotypical is likely going to have a hard time understanding him and may perceive him as “childish,” “naive,” or “helpless.”  They might also have difficulty understanding his speech patterns and especially recreating them if they seek to write him!

Neurodiversity is so important, and Cole is excellent representation, so it’s equally important that we strive to do our research and make sure that we are not removing that representation or presenting neurodiversity in a way that its harmful to others.  Different is different, not bad, and certainly not less.

Cole is Not a Child

I mentioned above that there is a tendency to interpret Cole’s neurodiversity as childishness or naivete, and even when it is unintentional, it is an ableistic view point that can be harmful to entire communities of people.  There is a pattern (not just in DA fandom, but also in DA fandom) whereby neurodiverse folks are often viewed as children.  They’re infantilized and treated as if they are helpless and/or cannot make good decisions on their own. Cole suffers from this as does Merrill (sometimes Sera, too).  

For Cole, this situation is not helped by the fact that the game portrays him as helpless and in need of a “father” figure to help him choose his path.  Hence we see Solas and Varric arguing on whether Cole should increase is affinity for spirtdom or for humanity.  I understand that everyone has their own opinion for what the “better” path for Cole is, and I’m not here to argue that; however, I do think that his arc would have had so much more meaning and been so much less invalidating for neurodivergent people if Cole had the autonomy to make his own decisions. In Asunder, we see Cole being very independent and making his own choices, figuring out who and what he is.  At the very end, his very last line in the entire book is, “I’m not helpless anymore.”  I don’t think that sounds like a character who cannot make his own decisions.

Fun fact: Cole is designed to be approximately 20 years old, which is the exact same age that Alistair was in Dragon Age: Origins.  (While Alistair is also the victim of infantilization… it still puts things into perspective a little bit). In order to avoid the “kid”/child dilemma, it is best to conceptualize some of the things in Cole commonly interpreted as childlike or immature as “newness.”  In Inquisition, Cole has only been in the mortal realm for a few years, and he has only been cognizant of the fact that he is not a human, but a spirit of Compassion for even less time.  Rather than treating him as a “baby” it is best to treat him as someone who is just learning a new culture, a new world.  

Cole is a Spirit of Compassion, Not a Spirit of Matchmaking and/or Meddling in your Personal Affairs.

A trend I see often is Cole as matchmaker, or Cole as interested in every detail of everyone’s sex life or Cole being a filterless vent for whatever the people near him are thinking.  It’s easy to assume that about him, as he does comment on a few relationships (Cullenmance, Solavellan, and Bullmance) in particular; however, there is an interesting tidbit of how Cole’s thought reading works located in his banter with Dorian.

Dorian: That little trick, Cole, when you dip into someone's mind and take a drink?

Dorian: Do you choose what you're looking for, or is it random?

Cole: It has to be hurt, or a way to help the hurt. That's what calls me.

Cole: Rilienus, skin tan like fine whiskey, cheekbones shaded, lips curl when he smiles.

Cole: He would have said yes.

Dorian: I'll... thank you not to do that again, please.

Essentially, Cole can only tap into thoughts that are 1.) Painful or 2.) Can help lessen the pain in some way, shape, or form. So, when he accesses thoughts about an LI or something else very personal, he does so to HELP.  It is not random.  It is not filterless.  It is a very pragmatic way to be compassionate. When I was thinking of ways to explain this, the first thing that came to mind was the work that I do as a mental health professional.  We are actual practitioners of compassion.  It is our job to listen to our clients and help them to solve the problems that are causing them to suffer.  We ask a lot of deep questions and probe about a lot of personal things, but it is very targeted.  We do not ask intimate questions just out of curiosity or just for the heck of it.  It is geared toward the issue at hand.  That is exactly what Cole does.  

Unless prodding your OC about the details of their sex life is going to make them feel better, he will not bother.

Cole is Not an Innocent, Precious, Little Cinnamon Roll

First of all, that goes along with the infantilization of his character, so it’s just a really ill-considered choice of language to describe him.  Second of all, it is simply not true.  

I understand that for people who have not read Asunder or played the Champions of the Just questline (and especially people who have done neither)  there is very little information about him to judge his character on, and what we do see is a person whose only mission, his sole purpose, is to help the hurt. That does seem very wholesome.

In Asunder, we see a much different side of him.  Believing himself to be Cole, a young mage who died of starvation after being forgotten by Templars, Compassion roams about the White Spire in a confused and lonely daze, unaware that he is actually a very powerful spirit.  He is called the Ghost of the White Spire, a legend that is terrifying to those that inhabit the tower.  Why?  Because he murders mages.

If you are thinking “oh, he probably killed them because he felt them suffering and he thought it was the only way to end their misery,” you are thinking exactly as I did, and you would be wrong.  While he did target individuals who were despairing, it was not altruistic.  He killed them because it felt good when they died, because that was the only time anyone could see him.  The way the book describes it, it was almost an “addiction” or a physiological need for him to kill.  He was distressed by his actions, but was not able to stop without Rhys’ help.

Over the course of the book, Cole learns more about his past and figures out what he is.  He also, through the help of his relationship with Rhys and Evangeline, comes to understand that he does not have to murder people to be seen and remembered.  When he is sent to the Fade using the Litany of Adralla, it all finally clicks and he returns to haunt Lord Seeker Lucius, for all the pain and suffering he caused his friends and loved ones. It is such a brilliant character arc and I so wish that we got to see more of it in the game.

Cole is a Person the Entire Time (Human vs. Spirit/Varric vs. Solas be damned)

Regardless of your opinion of Solas, one thing he gets right is in arguing that Cole is already a whole and complete person when he joins the Inquisition.  He actually argues for the personhood of all spirits in general, and I think that any reasonable person can look at the spirits (and demons) with whom we have interacted so far and, putting aside feelings about Solas, draw the same conclusions.

Let’s take a look at all of the Spirits/Demons we have had actual interactions with thus far:

Valor

Justice

Compassion

Command

Wisdom

Choice

Desire

Pride

Sloth

Rage

Fear

Envy

While some of these interactions were minimal, each of these entities show qualities that one would associate with personhood.  Qualities such as motivation, goals, higher order thought processes, emotions, etc.  When we meet Justice in DA:A, he is a thinking, feeling being who longs to right wrongs and comes to care for mortals a great deal.  He comes to this conclusion on his own after interacting with his companions in the events of the game. Choice, or Imshael, who we see in The Masked Empire, and in DAI,  has such an identity of his own that he does not like to be referred to as a demon. I could go on.  These are not mindless, thoughtless creatures, and so viewing them as people just makes sense. This is part of the reason I do not like the Solas vs. Varric questline (aside from the fact that Cole should be able to choose or not choose as he wishes).  Cole is already a person, and Varric’s line of thought is not “making him more human,” it is only serving to make him “less compassionate,” and that’s all.  He becomes more selfish which is why he is able to have more of his own personal goals (it’s not because he did not have them before; rather, it is because they were drowned out by everyone else’s).  

This is not to say that I think Cole should have to forgive his abuser.  He shouldn’t. Not unless he wants to, and that choice should be his to make, not Varric’s, not Solas’, and not the Inquisitor’s.  I have an opinion as to which path is better, but I’m not going to discuss that here because it will detract from the actual point which is that the language of “human” versus “not human” is just bad and here’s why.

It implies that forgiveness is not a human quality.

It implies that in order to be considered a person, one has to “think” and “do” as everyone else does.  

Because of Cole’s romantic/sexual interest in Maryden when Varric’s path is chosen, it implies that lack of romantic/sexual attraction is not “human,” which is aphobic.

Because of his Maryden interest in the “human” path, and because he has “become more human” in his thought processes, it implies that neurodivergent people cannot or are not interested in relationships, which is ableist.

TL;DR: I’m not a fan of that questline. Your mileage may vary.

Finally, and Probably the Reason You Sat Through the Rest of It: Cole’s Speech Pattern!

Cole’s speech is really difficult to capture in a way that is both enough and not too much.  It is not as simple as just seeing how much alliteration can fit into a chapter.  Sure, Cole uses a lot of alliteration, and it is incredibly fun to play with while writing him; however, his communication is not as simple as that.  If you check out the link I shared in Step 2, it will take you to a Character Files reference where there is some information about Cole’s speech pattern that is much more in depth than I am going to go so definitely check it out. When I am writing Cole, I categorize his speech into three different types:

Synesthesia

-  the alliteration, the purpley flowery descriptions, the metaphors, the in the moment, no regard for grammar, run on sentence speech he is known for.  This comprises most of his dialogue.

Direct thought reading

- when he is actually quoting characters’ thoughts or stating their feelings out right.  He might speak as them or he might speak as himself observing them.

Cole’s own thoughts

- Yes, he has them, and he has a lot of them.  Many of these show up as his interpretations of and suggestions for others regarding their hurt.  However, he also shows a lot of agency of thought.  He wants to know if Dorian thinks he’s handsome, he talks about wanting there to be more rabbits in stories because Bunny was Cole’s sister’s name and it reminds him of her.  Cole expresses a lot of his own thoughts and feelings if you just take time to listen.

Writing Cole effectively involves a good balance of all three types and I recommend just playing around with it!

To Sum It All Up

Cole is amazing, but he’s also often misunderstood and mischaracterized, and Allison has a lot of feelings about it that you could spare yourself from reading if you do Steps 1 and 2 and skip the middleman. The end!