#I love her so much. I wanna vomit.

[sorenevans]

Adding my own OC!

Elana “Dixie” Delaney

Her mother and father met through the military. Her mother was from Northern Ireland, and her father from Texas.

The circumstances of their meeting cannot be shared, but Elana could guess it had something to do with a tank.

Elana parents were never married, and they broke up sometime before her 5th birthday because her mother wouldn’t stop taking unnecessary risks in the field-She was very successful, and highly decorated because of it- and she wouldn’t commit to home life with Elana. Her career mattered more.

Because of her parents split nationality, Elana has duel citizenship.

Because of her mother’s unwillingness to give up her career, Elana went to live with her father’s family, on a ranch in Texas.

Her father retired from the military and took on a somewhat more stable job as a police officer.

Elana always knew what she wanted, She wanted to do what her father did. So from a young age, she trained.

Shooting club and ROTC were her thing! She rocked it and ended up winning multiple prestigious awards and titles-

But what really made her stand out was her experience with first aid, and medical care in general, and her affinity for technology.

For her 17th birthday, her father went with her to enlist. Her recruitment officer was honest when telling Elana that there was little to no chance she was getting into the America special forces,and that her efforts were better applied elsewhere.

After a long conversation with her father, she decided to take advantage of of her duel citizenship, and enlist in Northern Ireland, where she would be more likely to be accepted into the special forces.

After a few years of grunt work, Elana was transferred to a base to begin special forces training. Little did she know, her mother was Captain on that base.

After finding out about her connections and her parents background in special forces, paired with the thick Texan accent she’d gotten from the years growing up with her father, she earned the nicknames “pedigree” and “Dixie Dog”. She hated them for demeaning her and every bit of hard work she’d done to get this far.

After a few months of nonstop arguing, she goes to her mother, the Captain.

Because of the nuclear argument they have, Elana decides being in this base is a conflict of interest, and requests a transfer.

While the transfer was being processed, Elana’s team was sent to assist a task force. When the team was there, she patched up some loudmouth Sargent, then focused on creating a distraction so the teams could leave the site.

She broke into the intercom system and got ready to play something.

A glance at her team, all scoffing g and rolling their eyes, tells you she’s done this before. She presses a few buttons on her tablet and “play something country” by Brooks and Dunn starts playing over every speaker, enemy comm- Even the cell phones! Elana smiles. Her team groans. They start calling her demeaning names again, but she just plasters in the most sweet smile.

With a sweet Texan voice she pushes out a “bless y’all’s hearts.” And they move under the cover of the sweet music of her home.

It’s later when the loudmouth Sargent, and the quiet Lieutenant tell their captain about the “aggressively American” woman that helped them.

John price does his research on this mysterious American and upon finding out she’s Irish- that peaks his interest even more.

By the end of the night, he decides she’ll be on his team, they need a medic and someone who’s good with tech- she just fit the bill.

And the fact that she’s currently looking for a transfer? Maybe fate has a cruel sense of humor.

-OoOoO-

Soon after she joins the 141, her call sign changed from “Dixie dog” to just “Dixie”.

She says it’s because she’s from southern America, but the real reason is that it’s an ode to her father, the man who supported her in all her life. The man whom she would not be here without.

i adore hearing about people's cod ocs/self inserts!

so here's mine!

Name: Taylor Starling Callsign: Wraith

Her recruitment into Task Force 141 didn't come easy. Nor did getting her to cooperate with the US Government in the first place. She wouldn't be here if prison wasn't the only alternative.

Taylor Starling, expert codebreaker and stealth operative, was arrested for committing treason at the age of 24. The company she worked for went down with her. 23 men and women who'd been doing good work for the country, domestically and abroad, were suddenly behind bars. "Why?" You might ask. For conducting espionage operations with no authority or permission from the United States Government.

Taylor's life had never been easy. Bouncing around juvenile detention centers throughout her teenage years for silly things like petty theft and the occasional infiltration of a classified government data networks. No big deal. But federal prison is a lot different than juvie.

Then Kate Laswell went sniffing around the recently busted operation; found Starling's file. She was given an option: spend the rest of her life locked up...

or join the CIA.

Not surprisingly, the reckless young woman, deciding that she wasn't quite ready to give up on living just yet, chose the latter. Even if it was hard to understand why they wanted her. Laswell explained that they’d never seen such a talented codebreaker and hacker, especially that young. So Taylor went along with it. After all, she was doing the same shit she’d always done, just for a fatter paycheck and without the looming threat of life in federal prison.

Two years of intelligence work later and Taylor is being approached by none other than Captain John Price. He and Laswell have decided that her skills as a stealth operative have been… underutilized. They want her to join some ragtag band of special forces assholes dubbed Task Force 141.

Let’s just say it didn’t take much convincing to get her back out in the field.

aside from general headcanons and x reader content, I’ll most likely be posting more about this crazy lady because I love her dearly. she literally got shot while pregnant once but no big deal.

[sick-as-a-dog]

×

[cherrymoon4]

Suguru hates the taste of curses. He hates the aftertaste that persists in his mouth, that doesn’t leave no matter how hard he brushes his teeth or how much sickening sweet candy Satoru gives him.

Even when hours pass, no matter how many boiling hot showers he takes, nothing takes away the disgusting feeling that swallowing down curse after curse brings.

He has tried everything, every single thing that comes to mind to not have the aftertaste of a vomit soaked rag stuck to him for hours.

But nothing works, he is sure of that, he reminds himself as he leans over the bathroom sink, trying not to throw up after another “successful” mission and another curse swallowed.

As he takes deep breaths, trying to come up with something, anything, that could help him, he hears a knock on the door, followed by your gentle voice asking if he’s okay.

He’s always seen you as one of his closest friends, the one that is there for when he feels like no one can help him; when he knows Shoko is too busy with her own shit, and Satoru could only try to come up with a joke and probably wouldn’t take him seriously, he knows that the one he can always turn to is you.

Soft, sweet little you. Too kind for your own good, with a heart too big for your petite form. So selfless, always worrying over ‘Sugu’ even when he doesn’t deserve it, even when he pushes you away, not wanting to stain your pure self.

Just like right now, as he contemplates whether to let you in or tell you to leave. He pictures your pretty face in his mind, how it probably is adorned with worry and concern, your doe eyes big and glassy.

His heart clenches at the thought of you walking away all sad after he told you to leave. He can’t bring himself to push you away.

So he tells you come in, he just wanted to reassure you after all. But when he sees you coming in and rushing to check him over for any injuries, clad in your fluffy pajamas and fuzzy socks, his mind fills with images of him doing everything but reassuring you.

And that’s how he discovers that there is, in fact, something that can help him out.

He knows that this is all he needs, your pretty cunt in his face is where he belongs.

Your plushy thighs around his head and your sweet juices smeared on his cheeks are just what he needs to forget everything about curses and the awful feeling that they leave him with.

He reprimands you for keeping your heavenly pussy from him all this time; how could you be so selfish :(

He laps at your folds like a starved man, moaning in your cunt like he’s the one getting eaten out. And he’s so messy too! After all, how could he not be when he finally found the perfect treat to solve his problem?

“Fuck sweetheart, you’re such a messy girl mh?” he grunts, like he’s not the one turning his head side to side to smear your juices all over his face.

“This pretty pussy loves me so much, doesn’t she? Gushin’ around my tongue like that, bet it wants me to fill her up too..” he says as he toys with your puffy pussy and swollen clit, looking up to see you all dumb and stupid, babbling something about how it’s “t-too much!”.

But you clearly don’t know what you need, not when your hole keeps getting wetter and wetter.

“It’s not too much, silly girl. You can take it, I know you can. You want your Sugu’ to be happy, don’t you baby? You wanna be my good girl, yeah?”

And how can you deny him? You do want to be his good girl, his best girl!

So you spread your legs wider for him and let him lap at your messy hole, and you don’t even complain when you feel his thick cock prodding at your entrance, stretching your pussy nice and full :3

hello ^^ ( thank you sososo much for the love on the other posts! send me requests if you want :P )

[brazilnt]

thinking of loustat and iwtv i feel diseased

[no-144444]

too warm- f.colapinto

summary: franco finds a way to gain your favor... only it doesn't go as planned.

pairing: franco colapinto x fem! mclaren driver! reader

(i am once again running out of pictures to decorate my posts (pinterest only gives me so much inspo) so enjoy the seb vettel meme!) (also be thankful it wasn't that one photo of mark webber with his grippers out!)

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Franco watched with bated breath as you spoke to Oscar. He was much more your speed, much more calm than Franco ever had been. It made him crazy, you made him crazy. He was on a stage in front of thousands of people, thousands of cameras, and he was staring at the two of you with a scowl. Oscar was your teammate, he reminded himself. You’re just friends. But he didn’t know that. You two were close, too close in his opinion. He was in love with you, and you didn’t even know. 

“Are you alright, Franco?” Alex whispered, looking at him. 

Franco just nodded, his eyes trained on the two of you. 

“How are we feeling about the race tonight?” Laila, the woman conducting the interviews, asked. 

“It is so hot, for no reason,” you joked. “I’m feeling warm.” 

Franco smiled. He had a plan. He knew what he could do to gain your favor over Oscar. 

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He ran back to the Williams hospitality, grabbing a few ice packs from his cooler, then he ran to your driver’s room. 

Oscar opened the door. He scowled. 

“You alright?” Oscar yawned. 

“Where’s Y/n?” he asked. 

“Umm… I don’t know, maybe in my room? Maybe in the canteen? She said her aircon was broken so we switched rooms. I think she’s sick or something, it’s not that warm at all.”

Franco nodded, thanking him, then he turned to Oscar’s driver’s room. He knocked, but heard no reply, so he opened the door. You were sitting on the floor, vomiting into the toilet. 

“Qué quilombo, are you alright?” he asked. (What a mess.)

You groaned as you felt his hands on your back, holding your hair. He placed a cold pack on your neck and you moaned, your skin so hot that the cold felt like the best thing in the world. “Thank you Franco.”

He blushed slightly, a soft smile on his lips. “Anything I can do?”

You shook your head, standing. “I don’t want to get you sick,” you started brushing your teeth in your sink. “You shouldn’t be in here.”

He shook his head. “I’m alright. I just want you to be alright.”

You smiled, but your eyes looked sunken, you looked a little bit off, and in general, just not the person he looked forward to seeing every weekend. “Thank you Franco, but you should seriously save yourself. I doubt I’ll be able to race tonight.”

He shook his head, leading you over to your bed. “You should relax, I’ll wait with you until the race, ok?”

You nodded, mostly because you couldn’t do anything else, and you fell asleep against him, your head on his lap. 

Franco texted your reserve driver, Lando, to explain that you were sick and he’d take care of you, but that Lando would be in the car for the night. He waited with you until he was getting calls from James, then he had to leave you with your trainer. He got in the car, and somehow got into the points from his measly P19. When he got out of the car, he went straight back to you, not exactly hiding his feelings. He’d never been good at that, hiding his feelings. 

You sat in your driver’s room, a dazed expression on your face. 

“Franco!” you cheered, standing up to greet him. You were delirious. You outstretched your arms, wrapping them around him (more like falling onto him, but he caught you all the same). “My knight in shining armour!”

He chuckled. “You should sit down.”

“Don’t wanna sit down,” you mumbled against his neck. “You smell good.”

He blushed. “Let’s sit together, yeah?”

You nodded, letting him lead you back to your bed. He sat, letting you rest your head back on his lap. 

“You’re the best Franco, thank you,” you mumbled, falling asleep against him once again.  God, he was falling hard. 

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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)

[trendywaifus]

↳ you know you’re better than this.

featuring — anya x gn! reader (mouthwashing)

no, i don’t write for mouthwashing, there’s just not any anya content.

cw: dark themes, mentions of sexual abuse, abuse, mentions of pregnancy, vomiting, blood, implications of suicide, character deaths, controlling behavior, triggering themes, angst, panic attack, reader is fresh out of medical school, barely hurt and comfort

6 weeks before the crash.

“ guess who~? “

you croon, playfully hovering your hands over the onyx haired woman’s eyes as you snuck up behind her in the med room. anya was standing in front of the sink, quietly washing her hands. a soft giggle rolls off her smiling lips, body language relaxed,

“ hmm, daisuke?”

you snicker, “ i didn’t know i was a silly boy.”

anya hums thoughtfully while the faucet still runs and her hands soaking wet. “ captain? “

“ yes it is i, the big softie blond with curls! “ you proclaimed, goofily deepening your voice to make the voice of the captain, curly. if curly was here, he definitely would of made fun of your half-baked impression of him. anya lets out a bubbly laugh that makes the corner of your lips curl upwards even more. you fight the urge to hug her from behind and squeeze her silly from how wondrous she is. to think you get to be on a space trip with the woman you love and admire deeply makes you wanna float through the endlessly sea of stars and wonder.

“ now that I guessed you right, can i finish washing my hands and greet my lover properly? “ anya asks in a jovial tone.

“ mhmm~ “ you removed your hands away from her eyes and backed off so she can finish washing her hands. it takes a few moments for anya to finish. she turns the faucet off, grabs a paper towel from the dispenser, and wipes her hands off. after throwing the crumbled paper towel in the small bin, she turns around to finally face you. despite her hues resembling a gloomy grey, they brighten as they drink you in. anya immediately seeks for you, wrapping her arms around your frame and gently brushes up against you. you gladly reciprocate the loving gesture, running a delicate up her back and let it rest on her upper back.

“ so, how’s evaluations going three months in? “ you asked, pressing a quick kiss to her brow, “ has the others evaluations been okay? no crazy confessions yet right? “ you inquired with a teasing voice. anya is far experienced in psychology than you are so you leave the evaluations to her. and because anya’s more outgoing and hands-on, you felt like anya’s more capable of taking on medic role. you were luckily squeezed on this ship as a last minute intern similar to daisuke for the experience. six people on a four-man ship is so far quite the experience. you try not to get in the way of the others and besides anya, you mostly interact with curly and daisuke.

anya pauses, recalling her memories from the monthly evaluations.

“ hm. .—oh! daisuke. .a very bright and funny boy that really puts himself out there. he inspires me to be more optimistic. ugh, he’s also disgustingly lucky when it comes to those board games we play. “ her lips ball up in a cute pout, you laugh, “

“ stop saying he’s lucky, anya. you’re just being a sore loser. just accept that he’s better than you at board games! “

anya playfully rolls her eyes, “ oh hush. don’t tell me you’re on his side. “

you smirked, “ i’m on your side, beautiful—buttt i’m still gonna hand you the truth. lovingly. “

anya tells you about the other three evaluations, curly, swansea, and jimmy. her voice is light-hearted when she talks about curly. she describes him as being kind but a bit reserved. he never talks much about himself. everyone has their own story and perhaps even some like him chooses to not tell his as it’s locked away behind the fleshy walls of his bleeding heart. when anya got to swansea, her tone is the same but it’s dampens a bit; melancholic. she describes the crude mechanic as a man who’s been through a lot in life and still lives on despite his struggles. despite how rough he acts, there’s something about him that makes you feel sorry for him. there’s a sort of loneliness that clings to him like the fresh scent of dry balls after drying your clothes in a dryer. however, you can tell that daisuke’s light is smearing onto the much older man’s demeanor. he’s a little more livelier, although very rough on the edges—swansea expresses his care for daisuke in a tough love kinda way.

when anya finally gets to the gruff brunette man, the atmosphere shifts. her words holds a certain weight to them that makes you feel slightly uncomfortable. her voice is meek and reluctant as she talks about his recent evaluation. you pick up on anya’s careful wording and brief pauses during it. she rests her cheek against your shoulder, holding you visibly tighter as if she’s trying to ground herself through you. anya says that he doesn’t really take his evaluation seriously and makes particularly sarcastic comments at her. great. you don’t like jimmy because there’s something about him that rubs you the wrong way. was it that permanent mean look on his face? that judgmental look in his hooded, brown eyes whenever he passes by you in the hallways? what could have you possibly done to him to make him look at you like that? you don’t really talk to him and care more for curly. he is the leader and main pilot after all.

“ . .if he’s making you uncomfortable, i can do his evaluations for you. psychological evaluations require a one on one session and i can do it while you’re outside of the door.” you mutter, rubbing loose circles into anya’s back.

your lover stays silent for a moment. “ . . .no, i can handle it. but, you standing behind the door instead puts me a little more at ease though, haha. “

“ of course. anya, look at me. “ and she does, pulling her head away to peer at you with those pretty, upturned eyes of hers. a tender palm cups her cheek. anya’s skin feels warm and soft to the touch. “ if anything happens, you’ll tell me right? i may only be the intern but i will absolutely raise hell for you. “

anya smiles at you warmly at you, grayish eyes twinkling with endearment. she leans in and kisses your lips. “ i prefer that you not to because i’d hate for you to get booted into space by the crew. “ she remarks jokingly in between brief kisses.

“ hmm. “ you bring your lips to the bridge of her nose, under the tender flesh of her eye, everywhere until she’s a smiling mess. “ we’ll have to see about that. “

5 weeks before the crash.

restless, you exhale as you blankly stare at the white ceiling. due to anya’s head laying on your chest and her body nuzzled against your side, you can hardly change positions or get up, really. you don’t want to wake her up either.

“ can’t sleep? “ she whispers out gently, her hand that was intertwined with yours, lightly squeezed.

“ mmm, not really. did i wake you up with my defeated sighs, anya? “

“ . . kinda. but i’m use to this by now since this is a habit you like to do when you can’t sleep, (name).”you can hear the fond smile in her voice. after two years of dating, anya’s able to read and soak up your habits. she’s so attentive to your mannerisms, knows when you’re apprehensive by the twitching of your fingers and eyes. she knows when you’re happy, sad—it’s quite ridiculous how could someone so knowledgeable like her is struggling to get accepted to med school several times while it only took you once to get in. you’re not a registered nurse prior to getting into med school or anything like that. yes, you worked really hard—but lets admit it; you were just simply lucky to get in. lucky and currently hundred thousand dollars in debt after finishing.

“ i’ll let you sleep. i think i will just sneak into med bay to finish reading the social animal. i wanna be good at psychology as my awesome, future wife is.” you asked, pressing a chaste kiss on her temple.

anya laughs sleepily, “ oh, stop it. you’re not going to fall asleep in there, are you? “

“ of course not! i’ll come back to you once i’m feeling tired. but, if you miss me or have a nightmare, you know where to find me~ “

she removes her head off your chest and breaks away from you with a soft pout. “ i suppose so. “

you get up from the bed and dipped down to kiss the tip of her pretty roman nose. “ buh bye for now, beautiful. ” you coo, adjusting the blanket back over her body.

“ see you, hun. “

you slip on your slippers and walked out of your shared cabin. besides the sound of the low humming noise of the ship, silence fills the void of the still atmosphere. it’s surprisingly chilly as you exit the sleeping quarters and walk through the narrow-like hallways to medical. your footsteps softly bounces throughout the metal walls and your distorted shadow follows behinds you. there’s a churning feeling in your gut as you walk and walk. was it really okay to skip off to medical at the middle of “night” just to read? wouldn’t it have suffice to simply stay and talk to anya until you were able to fall asleep?

your eye twitch and your fingers curl ever so slightly.

should you just go back to her?

“ hey, you’re still “up.”

a rough voice calls out, ripping you away from your thoughts. you stop walking. your eyes wander over to the source and a shiver runs down your spine. jimmy, still in his jumpsuit, stands by the hallway leading to the cockpit. there’s a sense of uneasiness in the air as his quiet gaze lingers on you, waiting for your response.

“ yeah, can’t sleep. “ you say in a deadpan voice, “ what about you? “

jimmy runs his fingers through his tousled chocolate locks before shrugging. “ same as you. but i’m just taking a aimless stroll. where you headin’ to? “

none of your business.

“ medical. “

there’s something in his eyes that visibly changes; a taunting glint that has you side-eyeing him. a corner of his thin lips curl into a subtle, smug smirk.

“ you’re a little ways to go, dr. intern. “

you roll your eyes and start walking pass him, “ i know. at least i know where to go, mr. co pilot. “

jimmy clicks his tongue behind you, muttering something under his breath before his footsteps become distant in your ears. you turn your head, throwing a quick glance over your shoulder. you see his tall silhouette walking down the direction towards the sleeping quarters. “ smug fuck, i hope you sleep like shit tonight. “ you murmur, trying your best to ignore the sinking feeling in your tummy.

with a tired sigh, you slumped in the chair, turning one of many pages you gone through. the ticking clock in the background occasionally hits your ears as your fingers lazily drum against the pristine white surface of the desk. your droopy (e/c) eyes skim across a quote that leaves the remainder of your conscious mind wondering.

reason and emotion are not separate and opposed. reason is nestled upon emotion and dependent upon it. emotion assigns value to things, and reason can only make choices on the basis of those valuations. the human mind can be pragmatic because deep down it is romantic.

“is it wrong to use only reasoning to make a decision devoid of emotion . .? or is it actually wrong to let your emotions influence your decisions and reasoning? ” you sleepily muse to yourself.

oh, being human is so complicated.

your head perk up at the medbay door sliding open. surprise is written all over your face once you see a seemingly shaken up anya walking inside. her arms are tucked to her chest, hands clutching her elbows.“ anya? it’s only been. .two hours? you had a nightmare already? “ you asked worriedly, standing up from the desk to make your way over to her.

“ i. .y-yes, it was t-terrible. .” anya whispers in a quivering voice. her head is down, avoiding eye contact. you try to grasp her elbow and lure her into your arms but she violently flinches from your touch.

pulling away quickly, your face contorts into a look of worry. “ baby? “

teary-eyed, anya quickly lifts up her head, mustering a shaky smile. “ oh dear, i-i’m sorry. i-i’m just still quite shaken up from the nightmare, h-haha. i need a minute or so to recoup myself. can i stay here with you? “ anya sometimes get nightmares but it was only due to stress. she never had a nightmare that got her like this.

“ . .of course. you don’t even have to ask. here, you can sit on one of those beds. “ carefully, you ghost your hand over the small of her back as you guide her to a bed. she quietly sits down with a soft sniffle and you follow suit. your heart squeezes at the sound of her soft hiccups and the sight of her head down. you can hardly see her face due to her saber strands hanging down. “ can. .is it safe for me to have my arm around you? “

she meekly bobs her head and you delicately curl an arm around her, taking note of her body momentarily stiffening up before gradually relaxing. “ do you want to talk about your nightmare? “

it takes her a moment to reply. “ . . no. i don’t really remember much of it now anyways. “

you frown, leaving it at that despite wanting to push for more. anya always remember her nightmares. there’s something that’s eating away at your gut and it’s making you anxious. you gnaw at your lip and your eyes twitch. you should be focusing on her. whatever you’re feeling right now is the result of your overthinking. you should trust her. it was just a rare, horrible nightmare that gotten her like this.

things can happen unexpectedly without an explanation.

perhaps you shouldn’t push for an answer and leave it alone?

1 week before the crash.

“ hah! i win! in your face! “ daisuke laughs in triumphant, placing his pink piece over on the next move that solidifies his victory. anya groans loudly next to you, crossing her arms and pouts like a kid who gotten their toy taken away. “ this is unbelievable! i almost had it! “

you laughed, “ better luck next time, anya. it seems like the kid has a brighter future than you when it comes to board games! “

ever since that night, anya’s been uncharacteristically a little distant and jumpy. she’d always seek for your touch. but now, she seems reluctant to touch you first. whenever you try to show anya any kind of affection, it takes her a moment to reciprocate. you can’t really surprise her now or she’ll get visibly startled. anya has trouble sleeping and wakes up from the any sound or movement so you have to be still. for the past four weeks, you tried to ask her about her abnormal behavior, and she’d tell you vague reasons like, “ i just haven’t been feeling well. “ or “ that nightmare got to me more than i thought, i’m sorry. “

you’re worried about her—even her smiles are dampened with a sliver of sadness behind them. you really want to help but you don’t know how. it feels like she’s slowly putting a wall between you, her, and her true feelings. at least right now she’s like her old self again. you’re glad.

“ hey guys. having fun in here, huh? “ curly and jimmy walks inside the lounge. the blond waves at the three of you with a welcoming smile while jimmy awkwardly stood behind him.

“ yeah! i was able to beat anya this time! isn’t that right, anya? “

“ mhm, but as usual, it was luck. “ anya says softly, her voice lacking the enthusiasm as it did before. she tucks her arms into her chest. you flash her a look of concern. there it is again, the churning feeling in your belly. why did her mood sour like that? was it because of curly and jimmy’s arrival? your eyes travel back to the two men, quietly observing them. curly ruffles daisuke’s hair as he stood behind the couch daisuke is sitting on. he’s completely focused on talking to daisuke. your gaze transition over to jimmy and his eyes meet with yours.

that same glint he had in his eyes a few weeks ago, has you feeling more than uneasy. then, your mind suddenly flashes back to the subtle smirk he had and him walking back to the direction of the sleeping quarters. not too long after him going over there and you lounging in medbay, anya joins you, trembling and barely wanting you to touch her. you thought about her saying it was a bad nightmare and didn’t remember enough to tell you the details of it. like what you thought about before, anya always remembers her nightmares and only gets them due to stress.

the horrible realization starts to sink in and your heart drops to the very pits of your stomach. it drowns in a sea of dread.

oh god, did he go to her while you were. . .?

you feel sick. why did you ignore that gut feeling in your stomach during your walk to medbay back then? why didn’t you stay with anya? why did you just figure this out now?

you stand up unexpectedly, startling everyone.

“ (name)? what’s the matter? “ anya asks with clear worry. throat dry, you gathered up the strength to cast her a assuring smile that doesn’t reach your eyes in which she notices right away.

“ i. .i need to go to the restroom. i’ll be back everyone. . “

you quickly slide the bathroom door behind you. unable to hold your own weight anymore, you fall to your knees. there’s a suffocating feeling in your chest that’s causing your breathing to become uneven. your mind races back to the evaluations and how uncomfortable anya looked every time she had to do jimmy’s. yes, you stood behind the door to provide her some “security” in the recent weekly evaluations, but god, you actually let her be in the same room alone with this man? her assaulter? you did basically nothing but blindly trusted her words and ignored your intuition.

maybe anya didn’t want to tell you because she knew that you’d make a big uproar out of it, thus making the situation possibly even worse?

or maybe she was afraid you’d look at her differently?

. . .or maybe jim threatened her to not tell the crew?

t r u s t

she kept this in all this time and gave these inconsistent reasons that you knew was out of character for her to make up. . and yet. .you ignored the obvious signals and trusted her anyway. all you had to do was listen to your gut feeling and sit down with her to talk. all you had to say was that you were there for her and you’ll listen to anything she has to say if she wants to talk. you’d do anything for her—anything. even if it meant the cost of your internship which matters practically nothing to you. it’s not like the company was worth shit anyways. what fucking company doesn’t implement locks on doors in rooms where their own employees sleep in? what company just allows someone like him in?

tears bubble in your eyes as you grit your teeth, seething in frustration. you bite down on your bottom until the thin layer skin easily rips and starts to bleed. you bawl your hands into tight fists, nails dig into your palm until moon crescents dig into the flesh. you’re so horrible.

you feel so sick.

this is what she must of felt but much much worse.

you can’t even imagine how she had to process what happened all alone in the dark and walk through the long corridors in dead silence just to get to medbay, to you. you can’t imagine how it feels to hide something so traumatic from everyone while gathering up your broken shards of identity in silence. you don’t blame her—you can never blame her from hiding what happened between her and jimmy. you can only blame yourself for being ignorant and not fully realizing how dangerous he truly is.

your stomach turns upside down and you feel the sudden need to vomit. you scrambled over to the toilet and puke your guts out. series of fat tears roll down your cheeks.

“ ugh. .” you coughed hoarsely, hunched over.

you feel sick. you feel sick. you feel sick. you feel sick. you feel sick—

a few firm knocks on the bathroom door made you freeze.

anya’s concerned voice calls out behind the bathroom door. “ (name), are you alright? are you feeling well? “

you couldn’t even respond properly without hacking which gave yourself away immediately. alerted by your excessive coughing, she successfully slides the door open and rushes inside to your aid.

you never locked the door behind you, did you?

“ i’m here, (name). please, let it all out. “ anya rubs your back soothingly, not bothered by the drool and vomit spilling from your lips. you feel embarrassed under the worried, gentle gaze of anya. she whispers comforting words as you finishing vomiting. she grabs some paper towels and silently offers to wipe your face. you shake your head and gingerly take the towels from her hands and do it yourself.

anya opens her mouth to speak but you interrupt her.

“ it’s funny, “ you half laughed and sobbed, “ how you were able to come in so quickly just as i realized the door wasn’t locked. “

anya’s eyes widen with shock and looks as if she was about to burst into tears.

1 month after the crash.

“ anya, sweetheart? “ you gently call out to her before resting a hand on anya’s shoulder as stood by the sink, soaking curly’s bandages with soap and water. the fresh bandages are slowly starting to run out because of curly’s nonstop bleeding. you and anya both agreed to clean and reuse the bandages after one use to maintain the supply.

she still slightly jumps and turns her head around with a soft smile. “a-ah! s-sorry, (name). what’s wrong? “

“ let me clean the bandages and give captain his meds. you’ve been standing there for the past forty minutes. sit out in the lounge, okay? after watching you the first few times, i know what to do. “

a look of uncertainty dwells on her face as she ponders over your words. gingerly, you place a hand over her stomach. “ please, anya? i’ve seen how uncomfortable you look when you do this for him, you don’t have to hide it from me because i’m your lover. we’ve talked about this. i’ll do anything i can to shoulder your burden and make sure that you’re not pushing your body. “

anya’s grey hues flicker with appreciation and a twinge of guilt. “ okay, i’ll go sit down. if you need me, please holler out. i-i hate to make you do this after—“

“ anya. “ you interrupt her, reaching out to cradle her pale cheeks. they feel warm under your palms. your gaze pools into her own. “ anything. “ you whisper, resting your forehead against hers. anya’s lips pursue in a thin line. you know she wants to object but she swallows her words without anything to wash it down with, leaving behind a bitter taste. you lift your chin to press a lingering kiss to anya’s forehead.

tentatively, anya walks out of the medical, leaving you and a shell of a man in the room alone. a deep sigh runs past your lips and you go over to the half–foamed up desk to quietly grab a bottle of pain meds. “ captain. “ you mutter, walking over to the bed where he permanently lays. what a pitiful sight to witness. curly resembles a meat bag, his limbs left horribly mutated and amputated, his once tan skin is now all gone and long burned off. he’s stripped from his protection and only his vulnerable muscles are exposed. his only eye, wide and blue, stares up at you. you stare back blankly. through a singular sea of blue, you see a mass of fear, pain, and most of all, regret.

“ i don’t hate you, captain, “ you pop the bottle open. “ i’m sure anya doesn’t either. well, anya wouldn’t bring herself to hate you even if she wanted to anyways. “

he doesn’t respond but his permanent wide–eyed gaze continues to stare you down.

“ i’ll give you 5mg of oxycodone before i do your bandages. i’ll give you your second dose afterwards.”

you shake out two pills from the bottle. “ . . .all of this isn’t really your fault. misguided karma can be cruel. however, “ you slowly opened his jaw, the slimy sound of his muscles moving against each other makes you cringe. you see why anya can get more nauseated off of this. “ misplaced trust in a bitter person who’s undeserving of trust in the first place is what gets someone like you in a position like this. “

you hold his jaw, his exposed, irritated muscles twitch erratically against your protective layer of skin. your stomach swirls with a sinking feeling. curly starts to breath heavily, his pupil dilates. you hold one pill between your index finger and thumb. hot tears prickle at the corner of your twitching eyes as a shaky grin stretches across your face, and a bead of sweat rolls down your brow. you feel sick to the utter depths of your stomach.

“ don’t struggle , yeah? “

this wasn’t your worst moment right , curly?

0 days before the crash.

“ curly, fuck, where did he walk away to? “ you stopped curly in the middle corridors, pulling him back by his broad shoulder with a firm hand. curly, who’s face is full of panic and confusion, frantically responds back. “ i-i don’t know but i’m going to go find him to try and talk—“

“ i-i’m sorry, talk? this goes beyond talking at this fucking point! that fucking dog assaulted anya and she’s pregnant! “ you spat, heart full of frustration, “ do you think talking to her assaulter is going to fix shit? do you think doing the bare minimum is going to take back what she went through?! “

he runs a trembling hand through his blond curls. “ i-i understand but—fuck, let me just try—and—and, “

your hand drops to your side and you send him a look of utter disappointment. “ un—fucking—believable. how many times did anya tell you about jimmy? did you know about his shitty behavior even before she got pregnant? assaulted? she doesn’t want to tell me the answer so i’m fucking asking you! “

he stays slient, the guilty expression dawning on his face says it all.

“ . .what a great leader you are, captain. “ you growled, “ allowing that shitty friend of yours to ride this ship and you do barely nothing until the situation blows up in your face. this is what happens when you let your personal emotions dilute your judgment and reason as a leader. this is the outcome. the crew is my responsibility, my ass. if i had it my way, i would of shoved his ass in the cryo pod the second i’ve found out. but alas, i’m not the fucking leader but a damn intern. i held it allll in for a week for this shit? just imagine how anya felt to endure the awful trauma longer than that only for you, the captain, the only person with power, to handle it so horribly. fool.”you turn your heels and stomping back to medical for anya.

4 months after the crash.

“ daisuke. . kiddo, “ you gently call out to him as you find him somberly laying on his back next to the area leading to the cargo. his forearm rests over his eyes.

“ you okay? “

“ no, not really. .it’s just. .i wonder what my mother thinks right now. .she’s probably thinking i’m finally putting my feet into the water, finally learning and figuring out what i should to do in life during this internship. .meanwhile i’m on my back getting wasted off of. .mouthwash. ”

you sit down next to him. you thought about what to say for a prolonged moment before asking him,

“ before all of this, did you enjoy the internship? “

“ i. . .i did. .i was having fun . .with swansea, anya, you, a-and . . “

daisuke lets out a soft sniffle, you just smile solemnly.

“ don’t cry, sunshine. as long as you enjoyed yourself, that’s all that matters. even in the predicament we’re in now. .let’s have hope. once all of this is over, your mother will be proud that you got through this internship and you should tell her allll about what you did and learned with the ol’ man swansea. that man is a hot mess but i know he enjoys you as his intern.”

“ . . .really? “ he meekly asks, peeking at you from under his forearm with teary eyes. god, daisuke looks like a sad puppy.

“ of course, kiddo. “ you force out a happy laugh to appease him. you hate to lie to him but as long as jimmy is attempting to play captain, the situation will continue to spiral down into the abyss. you know with absolute certainty that jimmy was the one who caused the ship to crash. the fact that man pinned the blame on his close friend, who was trying to see good in him, for crashing the ship is beyond disgusting. judging from curly’s recent evaluation from anya before the crash, he did seem a little melancholic. but, for him to drastically make a reckless decision to sabotage the ship and everyone in it? he wouldn’t do that even if it was on his mind. jimmy on the other hand. .

“ oh. .it seems like you beat me to him. is he alright?”anya’s relieved voice rings in your ears. you draw your attention over to your partner who’s walking down the corridor towards you and daisuke. she uncrosses her arms that was once tucked to her chest and you raise a brow.

“ yeah, just a little sad but i was talking to him. how’d you know he was here? “

her gaze averts to the ground and you jump up, anger bubbles in your chest. “ jimmy, wasn’t it? what did he do? he didn’t hurt or yell at you or anything, did he? “

you pace over to her and rest your hands on her shoulders. “ no, no—seriously, i’m okay. . he sent me here to check on daisuke while he took care of some things. i was just surprised you were here. “ it had to be more then that.

sighing heavily, you turn back to daisuke who was now attempting to get back on his feet. “ daisuke, be careful. .has swansea been making you drink that mouthwash stuff again with him? “ you questioned skeptically, walking over to him to assist him back on his feet. wobbling, the brunette boy softly groans as you let him rest his arm loosely around your shoulders for support.

“. .no. .yeah. . i. .may. .kinda, totally have went overboard with it this time. b-but i gave it to jimmy because i didn’t wanna mess with it anymore. “

aggravated, you smack your teeth, “ so you’re saying that he saw you like that and didn’t even bother to help you up himself and sends anya down here instead? i’m so sick of his shit! some fuckin’ wannabe captain he is! you could of threw up and choked on your own damn vomit! that careless fucker knew that! “

“ you’re starting to sound like swansea. “ daisuke mutters through his drunken haze.

anya speaks up in a soft voice that’s mean to calm you. “ (name), you have to calm down. i understand that you’re upset. .but we need to rest daisuke down somewhere in the lounge. “

your eye twitch and your lips purse. she was right. plus, you don’t want daisuke to hear all of this while he’s struggling with his own inner conflicts. even the effects of the dire situation is dawning down on him and taking a toll on his mental health.

but fuck, you’re tired of being quiet.

d o s o m e t h i n g

? ? ¿ ! months before the ????

you can’t sleep. a soft sigh leaves your lips. anya’s body lightly stirs besides you. you don’t want to leave her but it’d be right to check up on curly to see if he needs his meds. there’s no time clock but curly’s groaning and restlessness indicates you that it’s time for his painkillers. if he is in pain, you’ll just give him his meds and come back to anya. it’s been a straight shot to the medical room ever since the crash. the foam has completely fucked up the sleeping quarters. . maybe it’s for the better or worse now. everyone is bunched together in the lounge room with extra sleeping beds from the medical. luckily, there hasn’t been any problems amongst the crew and it’s easier to keep in eye on jimmy.

“ anya, “ you whispered out to her. she lays on her left side, facing you. pieces of her shaggy hair prettily hovers over her tired eyes as they fluttered open. “ yeah? “ she responds back, you send her a small smile, reaching out to brush the strands away from her face.

“ i’m going to go check up on captain in the medical. i’ll. .be back, okay? if this dumb thing goes off, “ you gesture to the broken robot standing an inch away from you and anya’s sleeping bags. thankfully it’s able to go off, albeit broken thanks to jimmy. originally, anya suggested the idea and you couldn’t agree more with it.

“ i’ll be running to you so fast like how i did after i found out that passed my final exams. “ you whispered playfully.

recalling the joyful memory, a soft giggle leaves anya’s lips. she remembered you were so anxious and restless over the final exams that she kept having to pinch you and make you run with her to get your mind off of things. once you found out that you passed med school, you ran so fast to anya while she was waiting outside of the campus for you and nearly ran her over. she nods with a beautiful smile that you missed so much. anya was always a carefree woman who was willing to go through hardships with a cool–mind and solutions. but, after this overhaul trip going downhill and the terrible shit that’s happened and is currently happening—the light in her eyes is duller. it mirrors her reserved and almost timid-like behavior now.

that’s not who anya is—that’s not her and that’s not who she should by the damages of a terrible, insecure man who refuses to swallow down his own ever-growing problems like a hard pill and take responsibility for his self-sabotaging actions. you bet he’d choke on himself and self-destruct if he ever tried swallowing. all he ever does is vomit and project himself onto others.

“ okay. we can also clean his bandages after we’ve rested. “ anya suggests.

you shake your head, ghosting a hand over her belly. the bump has slowly been getting bigger but isn’t very noticeable to others. “ there’s no we, just me. the last time you got nauseated, you asked jimmy to give curly his meds while i was busy with daisuke and. .he. .” you trailed off and sighed with frustration. you still can’t get over anya telling you the truth about jimmy getting frustrated at her for asking him to give curly his meds because of her nausea.

absolutely horrible.

before anya can say anything, you give her a quick kiss on the forehead.

“ i’ll be back this time. “

you got up carefully to not alert the broken robot and paced towards medical. as you did, you glanced around the lounge to see who’s in their respective sleeping bags.

daisuke is laid out asleep.

swansea has been sleeping by the utility and now you know why he was does. you don’t have any objections to it. it’s only fair for the sunshine to be preserved.

jimmy is no where to be found. cockpit, maybe?

as you near the medical, alarming sounds of struggling and curly’s groans made your heart drop. frantically, you sprinted towards the door and slammed it open.

s e c o n d c h a n c e

s e c o n d c h a n c e

“ wh-what the fuck are you doing, jimmy?! g-get off of him! “ her

you ran over to the self-proclaimed captain who was hunching over the defenseless curly, shoving pills into his mouth and down his throat while beating at his stomach. with all of your strength, you shoved jimmy backwards, pulling him away from curly’s mutilated body, who helplessly laid there in the bloodied medical bed, crying and groaning in pain.

“ are you out of your fucking mind, you crazy fuck?!”you screamed at him while he has this mixed, horrid look of panic and frustration on his unshaven face. the pill bottle clutched in his hand made a loud rattling noise as he drops them on the tile floor and it rolls next to you.

“ i-i— h-he was. .m-making too much n-n—oomph! “

thanks to your adrenaline, you shoved him—hard, causing him to stumble back against the desk. pill bottles tumble and crash onto the floor.

hurried footsteps approach the medical from the loud crashes and yelling.

“ so your fucking solution was to beat up that poor man who can’t even goddamn defend himself now? let me fucking remind you since you’re too busy trying to play captain and can’t take responsibility! that man is laying there, the way he is now, because of—ugh! “

in a burst fit of blind rage, he returns the favor and presses his heavy palms against your chest, harshly shoving you backwards. you try to maintain your balance, but your foot accidentally steps on one of the pill bottles, and you fall backwards onto the solid floor, hitting your head. hard.

crack!

you almost instantly black out. not before hearing a loud gasp and anya’s frantic shouting.

“ (name)! j-jimmy. . . at . .did. . .u do?! “

¿!!! ?????????

just me and you vs the world, anya.

“ seriously? this show is so horrible, anya! even my dad who has terrible taste in tv shows, can’t watch this! “ you groaned exaggeratedly, sinking your cheek into your palm, slouching on the elbow of the couch. anya shrugs with a smug smile, placing the tv remote down on the coffee table.

“ well that’s tooo bad, hun. i need to binge this show to clear my mind out completely. all i need is my go-to-combo i usually get from wendy’s. “

you roll your eyes, “ it could of been at least mcdonald’s or something. but. .wendy’s? “

“ they have the best frosties! don’t act you dislike it because they messed up your order once. “ she giggles, leaning over to playfully hit at your ankle.

the show starts and you can barely stomach it. you don’t understand how she zeros out her mind from watching this stuff. it’s so cheesy and bad.

you peer over at anya and just as expected, she’s watching it like she’s into it. anya’s sitting up against the couch, legs crossed while she’s wearing a oversized t-shirt and pajamas. her heap of black shaggy hair that reaches just below her shoulders, was beautifully messy. usually at night, she doesn’t really bother with it. her fair skin shines pretty under the tv light. her pretty lashes fluttering and downturned eyes glistening with interest as she watch the corny reality tv show—god, she’s so breathtaking.

“ so, anya. “ you speak up as soon as the tv cuts to commercials. her undivided attention draws over to you and you cast her a goofy, suggestive smile.

“ while this commercial runs, wanna makeout? “

she blinks at you several times as if to process your question and bursts out laughing.

“ ewwww! “

“ ewwww? what the hell, baby! c’meree. “ you get off the elbow of the couch to playfully grab and pull at the laughing anya’s arm to pull her closer.

“ we’re not some bored teenager couple, you know! “

you successfully pull her into you, wrapping your arms around her body. “ feels like we are when i’m with youu~ “ you coo, puckering your lips at her with teasing intent.

anya blocks your lips with her palm and you immediately lick at it. she gasps and retracts her hand away, allowing you the opportunity to topple her over and kiss all over her pretty face and pouty lips.

“ hehe, (name)! “

once you’re done with your barrage, you bury your face into her neck.

“ marry me once me and you become doctors, anya~ ” you croon, melting into her body.

there’s a momentary pause before her smiling voice responds to you, full of adoration,

“ of course. i wouldn’t have it any other way, (name).”

??? ??¿ is it finally over ??¿!

your eyes peel open, a surge of sharp pain and confusion shoots through your body like a needle. but, once your gaze immediately locks onto the woman you love above you, your heart calms a little. she doesn’t notice that you’re now awake and stares off into somewhere with brooding eyes.

“ a-anya? “

anya’s eyes widen and she snaps her gaze down at you in surprise as your head is currently laid on her lap. tears swell in the corner of her reddened eyes.

“ y-you’re awake again! i-i thought you were finally. .”

despite not being able to move your body from the waist under and through the pain pounding in your head, you smile weakly at her.

“ f-finally what? i-i told you i’ll come back to you. although. . .“ your eyes search the dim setting around you. it’s blurred and bright. it seems like you and anya are in the medical? didn’t you come back from medical after checking up on curly?

c o n f u s i o n

“ why aren’t we in bed? we’re in medical right now. . “

anya’s lips trembles as she struggles to not cry.

“ we’ve decided to rest in here and talk like we’re a bored teenage couple. “

you let out a weak laugh. “ r-really? my br-brain is all over the place right now. everything is starting to feel and look fuzzy. “

your eyes starts to dilate and unfocus but they never leave anya. she says nothing, and quietly caresses your cheek.

your skin has become more discolored while you were unconscious.

how many hours?

how many hours has it been since she locked herself with you and captain? and how many times has her thoughts endlessly ponder and ponder over jimmy’s words he once said to her months back?

t a k e c a r e o f i t

“ a-anya. .? “

anya forces out a smile. her quivering fingers brush away the sweaty hair sticking to your forehead.

my hands are s h a k i n g.

“ . .y-yes? “ anya can barely contain the heartbreak in her voice.

“ w-we’ll take of it together. “ you slurred, “ o-once i get my l-license, i’ll support us and you don’t need to w-worry about a thing. o-once the baby is born, i’ll take care of them while you st-study to get into medical school again. i-i’ll. .even help you. .too. i st-still have my. .notes. “

dark red liquid seeps down your nose. she sees the light becoming dull in your dilated (e/c) hues that she adored so much.

the external bleeding and swelling in your head is pulling you under.

a quiet sob slips from her throat and she gently brings your head up to her chest. her body shudders as she weeps.

there’s a few broken whimpers that sounds far too strangled to be hers or yours.

“ . . d-don’t cry, an. .ya, i. .i’m just g-gonna sleep. y. .you holding. .me like this. .makes me feel at ease. .i. .can finally sleep. .without. .leaving. .ou. .”

your eyes vanish behind discolored eyelids and your head slack against her.

and there’s a gaping hole akin to a black hole that swallows everything that bounded her down, her dreams, her hopes, her love, her fear, her emotions.

what’s left is reason—a reason to the best decision that anya alone can finally act.

with a strangely calm mind and red-rimmed solemn grey eyes, she glances up at the few bottles of pills now left on the desk.

you know you’re better than this.

m a k e n o m i s t a k e , t h i s i s n ‘ t m y w o r s t m o m e n t.

far from it. this is the best decision i’ll ever make.

i’ll take care of it.

everything’s black—but you hear banging, voices, bottles rattling, pained whimpering and strangled noises that sounds similar to a heartbroken man crying.

you slip back into momentary consciousness. through blurred vision, you see a slumped figure above you. you can’t identify who it is but red smears leaves a bit of a hard contrast to your unfocused eyes. without thinking, your feeble hand reach out and you’re only able to make contact with their chin, just with the tips of your fingers.

from one small touch, you can tell the skin long since lost its warmth and now is cold to the touch.

an unknown sorrow strikes your chest and you finally pass with a heart full of confusion, leaving it in a headlock.

[venuslarkspur]

Teen Hero Shenanigans

Part 2

We Were Written In The Stars, Boyfriend Of Mine.

Summary: Your Damian’s Twin Sister, after arriving 3 years after your brother, you never excepted to take the Robin mantle, until your brother runs away and you volunteer to take his place. Damian eventually returns and you are discharged from the role, after bottling up your anger you decide to go solo by running away and stealing the Batgirl. But you’re not alone, your sort of boyfriend joins you. The main problem is the boyfriend in question is your brother’s best friend, Jon Kent.

Pairing: Jon Kent x Batsis!Reader on this one. Mentions of platonic batfam and reader.

Notes: Sorry this took so long and it’s shorts I have an exam in 2 days 😢 - ONLY HALF PROOF-READ IM SORRY. Just pure Jon and Reader today

Warnings: Mentions of past child abuse, vomiting, derogatory language, cuts and bruises. Reader has some childhood ptsd.

Words: 1.6k

This morning was significantly quiet, sitting on the windowsill of what was your new home you hadn’t heard a scream in the last 12 hours, no petty purse snatching in sight. There were some clouds in the sky, it was never this nice in Gotham, too much pollution. But the harsh breeze against your skin reminded you of what life was like in the mountains training with your grandfather, it really made you think of how ironic it was that you always got Damian’s sloppy seconds. First being heir of the league of assassins, then being Robin, but now you have something that’s yours; the sleeping boy in the bed. Next to you. Even though he was technically Damian’s first, he doesn’t get to see him this way.

You dabbed your wounds again and let out a disgruntled noise upon hitting a bruise, you grabbed some honey and dabbed it on the dried up cut. You had gotten into a confrontation last night and you weren’t expecting for the low level thug to have some backup. Long story short, he had a ridiculously big group of goons and Jon had to come and help. Let’s hope they all had health insurance for the beating you both gave them. But you couldn’t lie, without your father or siblings there you felt like a rogue, even when you were fighting crime with Jason you never felt this out of place. You felt like you would relapse at any moment and forget your new ways. You never took pleasure in killing, it’s just how your grandfather taught you. Nobody taught you about redemption, you were just explained the world in black and white.

Luckily, you had Jon if you ever nearly slip up. You hadn’t looked at your phone in 3 good days and you had been happy that way, you missed them, even your father to an extent but you also knew proving yourself was important. The highlight of all of this was Jon, sure breaking a few scum noses was nice too. But nothing beats the adrenaline of going on patrol together and the press wondering when you two became an item, you leave as quickly as possible though; you can’t risk your family coming to get you or Jon’s for that matter. It was a bit easier for Jon, his parents trusts him and loves him. Your family loves you too, but if Bruce trusted you then why fire you?

“Ouch.” You murmur after hitting a particularly sensitive bruise, deciding that’s enough and wanting to spend some more time with Jon before your patrol, you slip back next to him; ruffling his hair and trying to shuffle as close as humanely possible, the more you shuffled the more healed you felt by the moment, not just physically but mentally as well. There was so many things to tell him, about your overbearing mother? Or maybe almost being disowned by your grandfather? But you didn’t wanna tell him things he wouldn’t know what to do with. So you embrace him and he gets the message and pulls your waist around him, which made you hope the morning would never end.

————————

“I received a call from Clark this morning.” Bruce said sternly to almost all his children, they all sat on the couch, “Clark? has he found her?” Stephanie spoke up first, her eyes widened with hope as Barbara placed a hand on her shoulder. “Steph..” she said whilst rubbing her back to comfort her. “Well, what did he say?” Barbara asked, Bruce let out a sigh and faced his kids.

“You all remember Jon right?” They all nodded in unison and mutual confusion, “Well, recently Jon has gone off too, they think around the same time as your sister.”

“What are you saying?”

————————

“You okay?” Jon asked as you searched the knocked out drug dealer in front of you. “Absolutely nothing, no leads.” You replied, you’ve been trying to find the boss of a local drug cartel but you’ve had no luck. “Babe, I was asking about you.” He looked down at his shoes before moving over to you. His glowing features making you forget about the filthy, rat infested alley. “Ups and downs, some days I really miss my family.” You look down and don’t realise the thug under you has woken up and has now broken out of his restraints. “I’ll get you for this you slu-“ he lunges at you seething with anger; but you swiftly move out of the way and restrain his hands before Jon hastily pins him to the ground again, using his weight against him. “You brats..” you role your eyes and gesture Jon to walk away with you, and you nearly did until for the first time you lost sense of self.

“You fucking cunt! Look at me!��� The thugs screams and you pull Jon along, nothing he can say to you can do anything, you’ve heard it all, well until he reopened some old wounds; emotional wounds. “You are nothing bitch!” You stop dead in your tracks, Jon looking at you with extreme concern and wondering what changed. Immediate memories flood in, Damian leaving, your grandfather working you to the bone after his disowned, former heir left. Harsh days that ended in you holding your stomach and trying to keep your breakfast from coming up, which didn’t always work and wasn’t always pleasant. Vomiting blood was the worst of it after you were hit a bit too hard and were left clenching onto your stomach for dear life.

“On your feet.” A grating voice that resembled your grandfather spoke, were you having a panic attack? All you knew is you were reliving you worst memories. Please I don’t want to remember! I won’t. “Do you want to be meaningless? Pick up your sword and face me, I won’t allow you to fail.” You wondered if your mother even cared, she would carefully ogle your hands at night, commenting on how your once porcelain, delicate, hands were now ruined. But she did nothing about it, you wanted to be the heir; but not like this. You risked being disowned too if you even asked about your father or brothers, so you didn’t. You just didn’t,

“Babe? Are you okay?” A familiar voice said, you were now acutely aware you were out of the alley and lifted into your boyfriend’s arms. “You were in a daze..I couldn’t wake you up I’m sorry.” He looked down whilst placing you guys atop a nearby building, “it’s okay, I’ve never had anything like that happen to me before.” Jon offered you and sympathetic look before taking one of your hands in his, “I wanted to show you something to make you feel better.” You tilted your head, wondering what he had planned.

“Come.” He said and slowly lifted his feet of the group flying upwards, you were also gently lifted off the ground; surprisingly, no strain, only his gorgeous features. “Only a little longer now.” He said as he went further up in the sky only a bit stray of the clouds, he quickly shifted you upwards into the bridal carry. “Sorry if this isn’t a comfortable position, I wanted you to be facing me; since you’re my equal and everything..” he spoke in a shy tone, without hiding the faint blush on his face. Your heart was melting, he might as well take it for himself. But you wouldn’t say that to him, could ruin the mood. “I’m plenty fine here.”

“Good we are here.” He took his fingers and lifted your chin upwards; you were met with a vast sea of glowing stars, because of the pollution in Gotham; you never saw this many. You had never felt so loved in your life, so validated, so cared for. You started shedding tears and hugging into his chest, “Shit-oh sorry I didn’t realise this would-I’m so sorry-“ Jon said scrambling to rub your back and pepper your forehead with kisses to repay you. “No, Jon, happy tears I promise.” You say softly and his calms and he places his chin on the top of your head, “This is why you’re the only person I’ve ever let into my heart in this sort of way..” You utter and Jon has to hold back some tears of his own, “Thank you.” You move in closer and grab his face to kiss him, and it seems like it lasts forever before you both pulled away gasping for breath.

“I think I-“ you scramble to get your words together, feeling everything so intensely, until your finally get it together. “I love you so much Jonathan Kent.”

“I love you.” You finish, staring directly into his eyes, “I love you too.” He said, matching your gaze. “I love you so much more.”

Tag list: @waterwyne @venusmorning @planetlotus @sugarrush-blush @skepvids @dreaming-of-the-reality @otterluver05 @godoreo22 @earth-to-name @krys0210 @jisnothere

It wouldn’t let me tag a few people so please check your settings if you asked to be a tagged and weren’t! (Sorry for the inconvenience)

Thank you for all the lovely support <3 it’s definitely helped me finish this part off and it’s very appreciated. 💕

Next Part: Robin Vs Batgirl (yes it’s getting dramatic in this one.) NEXT PART IS OUT.

[moonstruckme]

hello mae! you said that you’re tentatively thinking about doing poly! jily? how about them x shy!reader who is used to spending holidays alone but now that she’s in a relationship, James and Lily wanna give her experiences of like carving pumpkins, baking cookies, or something like that.

just cute and domestic fall activities!! I hope that’s enough.

Thank you for requesting lovely!

poly!Jily x shy!reader ♡ 845 words

You smile, and James plants his lips on your cheek just before the flash. 

“Perfect,” Lily says while the camera whirs. She takes the photo it spits out, going to stow it in a shady corner of the porch. 

“Now one with you,” James urges. 

“No.” Lily waves him off as you second James’ request. “How would we get all of us and our pumpkins in it?” 

“James has long arms,” you say.

"Yeah, Evans." James grabs you roughly around the shoulders, making your face heat even as you smile. "I have long arms. Give it here."

After some debate Lily hands over the camera. James holds it out as far as he can, waiting until you’re all holding up your jack-o-lanterns before pressing the button. 

It goes beside the other photo, waiting for the film to develop. You know as soon as it does, both photos will be clustered in with the others on James and Lily’s fridge, held up by magnets beginning to lose their strength under the weight of so many. Lily has always liked to take pictures, and ever since you got together she’s been cramming ones of you into every empty space. This relationship is relatively new for you, and most days you’re still trying to figure out where you fit, but Lily and James do everything to make you feel welcome. In a million tiny ways, they show you all the time that they care just as much for you as they do for each other. 

James looks between your pumpkins pridefully. “Whose do we think turned out the best?” 

“Lily’s,” you say at the same time as Lily says, “Mine.” 

James’ mouth falls open. “Mine was good too!”

“Sorry, Jamie.” You give his shoulder a consoling pat. “Hers is just better.” 

The fact of the matter is, your girlfriend was simply patient where you and James were not. She outlined her jack-o-lantern’s face beforehand in marker, used a small knife to achieve the curvatures of one heart-shaped eye and one winking one, and took the time to make the edges of her cuts look nice and clean. James and you, however, tried to freehand things with much larger knives; it had not gone quite so well. 

“I think there should be points for creativity,” says James, frowning at his botched pumpkin. He’d tried to give it round eyes, and in the process accidentally cut more than he meant to. The result is jagged and vaguely upsetting, so eventually he decided it was an ill pumpkin and trailed its entrails out of its mouth so it looks like it’s vomiting pumpkin guts. 

“It was a very creative solution,” Lily tells James. And to you, “You did really well for your first time, too, sweetheart.” 

You snort. Yours is nearly as bad as James’. Both of your partners had to show you how to saw through the pumpkin flesh more than once to keep you from yanking the knife out and stabbing yourself. After many tutorials, you’d managed two triangle-shaped eyes, but the teeth you’d tried to put in your jack-o-lantern’s mouth had fallen out, so now it just looks like a rather simplistic, very upbeat face. 

“You did,” Lily insists, but she’s repressing a laugh too as she looks down at your pumpkin. “It’s cute.” 

“It looks like something a five-year-old could have done,” you acknowledge. 

“You and a five-year-old have about the same amount of experience carving pumpkins, so that’s not really so bad,” says James. He reaches for the polaroids Lily took. “Let’s see how these turned out.” 

“James Potter,” Lily’s voice goes sharp, “don’t you dare touch those with your slimy hands.” 

“Okay, alright.” James holds his hands up in the air. He stands instead, backing away slowly like Lily has him at gunpoint. “C’mon, lovie, let’s go fish the seeds out in the sink.” 

“What for?” you ask, following him as he carries your large bowl of pumpkin entrails inside. 

“If you separate the seeds and roast them, you can eat them.” James raises his eyebrows at you. “Don’t tell me you’ve never had pumpkin seeds before.” 

“Nope.” 

“Ugh. You poor, deprived girl.” James takes your face in his hands, and you smile despite the slick feeling of his pumpkin-y fingers on your cheeks. His eyebrows scrunch pityingly as he kisses above your nose. “We’ll right that wrong today, sweetheart, don’t you worry.” 

“You haven’t been missing out on much,” Lily says, slipping past the two of you with your photos. She wedges them underneath a magnet on the fridge. “It’s a lot of effort for a snack.” 

“She only says that because she can’t stand the guts,” James tells you conspiratorially. 

“Really?” You mash your hands into the stringy pumpkin bits. “I kind of like them.” 

Lily makes a face. “They’re all slimy and weird. And sticky.” 

“Wimp,” James teases. 

“You’ve just called them guts, James. In what world does that sound appealing?” 

“Angel,” James says in a quiet voice, “you’ll protect me, won’t you?” 

You frown at him. “Why?” 

He picks up a small mass of pumpkin guts and lobs it at your girlfriend. 

“James!”

[suekre]

The way I am STILL SQUEEING! 🫠🥹💖 THIS IS MY BOY and he's looking GLORIOUS! 👀✨️ I love how he stole your heart just like he stole mine - completely unexpected and in total refusal to give it back. What a wee shite. 🤣

Ooooh? Who is this? Could it be one of my friend @suekreandtheidiots's OCs? Could it be Cal Fitzgibbons, aka my love, my husband, the man who stole my heart and refuses to give it back?? 🫠😂 Well yes, that's EXACTLY who he is, and this particular gift art was my first attempt at drawing him. Warning, there will be more attempts. My love for Cal, as well as for SO MANY of Sanne's OCs is evergrowing and neverending, after all. 🌝😂💖✨️ More gift art WILL happen, there is no escape. There’s still so many idiots left to draw. 🌝🤣🫶🏻

But yeah, Cal is one of those characters who snuck into my heart so effortlessly, it almost feels like he had always been there. I simply HAD to draw him at least once. 🥹💖 And I highly encourage you to go check Sanne's OCs and Idiotverse for yourself, you won't be able to NOT love all of it once you dive in. 👀👀✨️

[hyewka]

᭄⁑　txt as yanderes | thoughts

warnings: yandere, noncon, baby trapping, mention of knife play, slapping, perversion, not proofread

yandere!jjun is the type to be too sweet, sickly sweet. like barfed cupcakes and sprinkles, he pretends to care, he love bombs, he kisses you like he truly loves you, like there’s no one else but you and maybe its true, maybe there is no one else but you in his eyes. but its not romantic. not when he has blood on his hands, figuratively or literally, he’s responsible for innocents lost.

“i didn’t lay a single hand on them, how many times do i have to tell you! doll, baby, believe me. please.” his voice cracks, like he’s about to cry. you scoff and turn your head to the side, disgusted, feeling like you could very much vomit right now.

“stop fucking calling me these—these words!”

yandere!jjun, the type to crumble to his knees and beg, holding onto your leg like an abandoned puppy despite having much more power than you, both in strength and status. lips trembling, eyes wide and crazed, full of pitiful tears, giving you a false reality, sense of hope that he isn’t that much more powerful than you could even imagine.

now yandere!soobin on the other hand is the type you don’t even realize is mentally out of it, not until you’re literally two years into a relationship with him with a stable history of 7+ year of friendship. he’s been jealous here and there, one instance of him breaking down over you having coffee with a male colleague that you had to craddle him, rocking back and forth as he sobs and hiccups— that keeps you up at night sometimes, but he’s so convincing you don’t even notice how often he manipulates and gaslights and manipulates. the way he slithers his long arms around your waist, pressing your bodies flush, holding you tight, whispering random “love you’s”, you almost completely forget. almost.

when yan!soobin’s fucking you senseless, lost in pleasure, tongue out dumb like the horndog he is, you manage to warn him again, “b-baby, not on—hah birth control”

don’t cum inside. don’t cum inside. you told him that before you got too into it, and he agreed, he promised he won’t. of course he won’t.

so why’s he shaking his head? why’s he refusing now? your eyes widen a little, trying to push him but he leans to kiss you, drowning out your protests, turning them to mere mewls. “baby—wanna—wanna make you have babies..”

the alarm bells ring again. and again. and suddenly you remember the few warnings from your friends, the offhanded comments about how he’s a little off, a little weird, that he seems obsessed.

“you won’t leave me when you have my babies, you can’t—” suckling on your nipples through your shirt as if to prove a point, he wets it completely, making it see through with his spit. you feel gross. you feel—“can’t leave me,” he says one last time, moans straining as he empties his load in you. a generous load.

yandere!beomgyu is my favorite in the most deranged way possible. he’s not too sweet, he’s not the meanest, and he isn’t the most pathetic, but he’s definitely the craziest. beomgyu would be the one to go as far as to lock you in his home, keep you chained, bondaged—he’s fucking insane. the type to be into knife play as well, he loves the switch in power dynamic. instead of the past bossy, in control at all times y/n and her pretty lanky best friend who’s probably “head over heels” for her, it’s you on your knees, cold hard wood, getting your throat brutally abused like his personal sex doll.

he loves finally being the one in control. he’s so addicted. sometimes it feels like he’s only inflicting his craziest perverted dreams on you, and you were just his nearest victim, but oh no, out of the five, he’s definitely the most ‘in love’.

“let me out…beomgyu…please.”

his back is pressed against the bedroom’s door, listening in to your sobs that barely transcend the sound proof walls. he sighs, frusteningly running a hand through his hair.

“why—why don’t you love me?”

and suddenly its silent on your part, the sobs not reaching his ears anymore. its enough to cause more cracks in his heart, making him undeniably more bitter but god forbid he gives up on it—on making you love him back, he’ll risk everything for it.

yandere!taehyun is the most cruel but he’d also be considered the least delusional and the most delusional at the same time. he knows you won’t love him back, he could care less (well…debatable actually), it’s about protecting you at the end of the day. that’s where the delusion comes in, he thinks he’s your white knight and you’re only acting out like you’ve always been. stubborn and hard headed. when it comes to the sex, this man has you at all times legs spread up, with your hand restricted, supplying your pussy like a free breed whore. other than the humiliating position, he makes sure you’re aware at all times of what you are to him.

his saliva and cum covering your body like filth, using you like a rag, truly. he’s the type to slap when you act out—a strike against your face, pussy, tits, he’d do it all. and yet he still wholeheartedly believes he’s protecting you from the world that “corrupted” you.

yandere!hyuka is beyond pathetic but you’ll never know because he doesn’t act on his desires. well, in the sense that he doesn’t scratch the eyes out of every one of your boyfriends and doesn’t have you tied to him at all times—he’s the pussy type. in the dark, following, each and every step. that was the beginning. then it was jerking off on your balcony peeking between the blinds as he watches you undress. then it was stealing panties, sniffing, licking, as his hands go manic on his poor dick—it hurts, it’s dry but he keeps going, because he is so fucking addicted he doesnt wanna stop. whining n’ squeaking as he lets out your name out of his mouth over and over and over again.

your scent when he hugs you drives him mad, when you kiss his cheeks he embarrassingly spots a boner, he’s just pathetic with horrible horrible dirty thoughts in his head.

[superstarcherrycolagirl]

taken care of

benny cross x fem!reader/ 1k words

idea: your leaving work, but you’re being bothered. luckily you have company

tw: harassment, swearing, threats

notes: ok so this has been an idea of mine for A WHILE so i tried writing it out. think of that scene from the bikeriders after benny ended up in the hospital after literally getting clocked and the whole squad pulled up to the bar after that, it’s basically that but way more chill!! that scene was so hot ngl so i wanted to write about it:)) here it is

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

being benny’s girl doesn’t only mean gaining the mutual respect of the club and its members, but shown the same amount of care and protection as the bikers themselves.

you were just trying to leave work and go home, the 9-5 work shift literally left you exhausted, but this college boy would not leave you alone!

“can i take you for a ride sweetheart? i can take you back to mine to really get to know you” his obnoxious masculinity oozing out of him. he waited for a whole hour your shift to end, literally eye-fucking you the entire time as he kept shifting in his pants. what an animal you thought, you wanted to yell at him and humiliate him in front of other library goers so he can learn some manners. but you kept calm, you didn’t need to be scared.

“oh no thank you i’m alright! my ride’s just outside” you declined politely, which took a lot of strength for you to.

you’re walking out the door, ponytail swaying back and forth. “aw c’mon lil lady don’t be so shy! i can show you a real good ti-“ the boy couldn’t even finish his stupid sentence before stopping abruptly. the loud roar of rumbling engines sounding filled up the silent library. you’ve never seen anyone get so pale in the face.

you walk outside the door, the boy to follow, to see the fear-striking pack of bikers waiting outside the library doors.. waiting for you. you could spot wahoo, corky, and cockroach near each other, snacking on some gum and cigarettes. funny sonny was saying some shit to zipco and cal, whatever it was made them all send death glares to the shaking boy right next to you. johnny and bruice were checking out this boy, wondering if he would even stand a punch if he tried to lay a hand on you. and benny, bike stand kicked up and leaning back with a cigarette in hand, looked up right at you with nothing but love in his eyes.. and the slightest want to kill this filthy pig beside you on site.

you walk down to the club calmly, your flowy white blouse moving against your deep blue jeans, smiling sweetly at your family as you walked up to benny to peak him on the mouth. that poor boy knew he was screwed just by witnessing how all the bikeriders demeanors shifted to your presence. he was on the verge of vomiting once they looked back at him.

as you were getting on benny’s bike you took a glance up at the terrified boy, wondering why the hell he was still here. you were gonna say something to him, until you were interrupted.

“you wanna ride pretty boy? s’that what you wanted to ask?” benny said in a cocky tone, but you could hear the faint growl rumbling in his chest.

“n-no sir.. i just wanted to talk to this nice lady over her-“ that’s when you popped in quickly, but it did much more damage.

“oh so that’s why you wanted to to jump my bones a’few moments ago hm? to say somethin’ nice t’me?” you said it in your sweet tone of voice, but the adrenaline rising inside of you drenched your words in sarcasm. that caught everyone’s attention so fast, and in an instant everything became so loud.

“s’that so pretty boy?” johnny chimed in first “well you might need some help from us.. to learn how to treat a lady with real manners” his knuckle punching rings tightening tightening into a fist. “we’ll take care of ya’”

“yeah i’ll take care a’him by knocking his fuckin’ teeth down his throat!” cal yelled out, you could steam a teapot on his head from how riled up he was, he almost jumped that poor boy if it weren’t for zipco holding him back by the arm.

funny sonny loudly sounded his engine to make this boy shriek, which led some others to join in with cackles. “c’mon pinko! show us what you got, don’t be shy!” zipco chirped with a guttural laugh, increasing the blush and sweat on the embarrassed college boys’ face. that boy looked so frightened that you though he was gonna cry. ashamed. humiliated.

you could feel benny’s muscles tensing up against your chest, how he was just moments away from seconding cals’ idea. but he stayed right where you were, right where he was needed to keep you safe. everyone was there to keep you safe.

“get the fuck outta here you scum-fuck!” “don’t shit yourself on the way out pretty face!” wahoo and corky vulgarly gleamed, and that left the boy with one more glance at you, trying to send you a smile. not before benny sounded his engine roughly, a back the fuck off kind of signal that almost knocked they boy off his feet. and with that he ran down the block and turned the corner, knowing you wouldn’t see his face again anytime soon.

as everyone was gearing up while laughing, benny softly spoke to you. “you alright baby?” “i’m alright benny..thank you honey” he didn’t even need to say anything, giving the side your right thigh a good squeeze before kicking up his stick. you smiled against his back, that’s gonna need a good wash.

“you’re okay sweetheart, we’ll take care of ya’” that was johnny’s voice that rang. you and benny turned to him, relieved looks on both of your faces. “i mean it doll, always” he was firm with his words, and you could only smile back at him.

and with that, you and the dozens of bikes beside you took off down the road.

what a way to call it a day.

[elliesspacewalker]

Ellie with your kid and your pregnancy head cannons 🥺

Warnings: like absolutely none, a bit suggestive at the end but pure fluff! Transgender!Ellie.

---

- Ellie was quite literally bouncing off the walls when she found out you were pregnant, couldn't wait to tell Joel.

- when Ellie had told Joel, he was also bouncing off the walls with excitement.

"I'm so excited for you kiddo" he said with a firm hand squeezing the poor girl's shoulder.

- Ellie who most definitely held your stomach so you didn't have as much pressure on your poor stomach carrying her baby. She'd come from behind while you're doing the dishes and would hold your stomach softly upwards as you slightly moaned at the feeling.

- Ellie who was there throughout the whole birth, the poor girl nearly fainted but had to stay strong as she knew if she fainted in front of you, it would stress you the fuck out so she stayed strong.

- Ellie who carried the baby in her arms so softly to the bed as soon as you guys got out of the hospital, absolutely loving your son.

"he's so fucking cute babe, I cant- I just- I love you so much" she chuckled, hugging you from behind with her head on your shoulder as you held him, almost sobbing.

- Ellie who definitely woke up at 2am from the baby screaming at the top of his fucking lungs.

"babe please" you whispered and Ellie groaned "I'm tired" she complained "so am I, go!"

She groaned harder before getting up to check on your son- she changed his nappy, before waking you up again "he's hungry".

She watched in admiration as you breast fed your son, "bet you wish this was you huh?" You teased and she laughed "shut up" she got back into bed "nuh-uh, you're putting him back to bed" you gave her a mom look and she immediately got out of bed and grabbed him gently to put him back to bed.

- Ellie who definitely had her favourite t-shirt covered in vomit, after her kid threw up all over it, it didn't matter. She loved him anyways but she wasn't too happy about it, always complaining to you.

"babe look" you chuckled at the sight of vomit all down her shirt.

- Ellie definitely cried so hard when it was your son's first day of kindergarten, he was growing up and she was sobbing in the car over how 5 years has gone by so fast.

- Ellie who always took him to Macca's after you said too much unhealthy food was bad but she just wanted to see her boy all happy.

- Ellie who brought him all this gaming shit for his 12th birthday and gamed like crazy with him and it made you giggle at the sight of her teaching him how to play- and of course he was growing up so fast, who knew 12 years would go by so quickly?

SUGGESTIVE THEMES

- Ellie who asked to go to Joel's for lunch, and whispering in your ear after Joel went to go get food "wanna make another?" She joked, your eyes went wide and you looked at her- "jokes!" This girl was scary fertile, you knew she was joking but you would've considered it.

[crepezinhos]

The Power of Lyrics

POV: All Scaramouche was supposed to do was sing a song that the crowd was asking for, but he should’ve known that would’ve been a bad idea to him and you.

⚠️ WARNINGS:

— This is an angsty SFW Oneshot

— Reader is FEMALE and uses SHE/HER pronouns

— AU is: Modern

— Rockstar!Scara x Common!Reader

— Mentions of vomiting, toxic relationships and death threats

“Something bad is ‘bout to happen to me.” You watched the stage’s lights slowly fade from white into an intimate red tone, making Scaramouche look even more hypnotizing in that black tank top and blue jeans along with his wine-red guitar.

The whole crowd started screaming in extreme excitement as the words came out of his mouth. It’s been almost a year since he last sang it to a crowd and they’ve been begging for him to sing it the whole show after all.

“I don’t know what, but I feel it coming.” He looked down at the multiple fans in the front rows of the audience, admiring the passion and joy in their faces.

But you knew he couldn’t really keep his eyes on one direction for too long, so he quickly swayed his head around to make contact with the people in the back as he breathed in and out for the next lines. He would frequently talk a lot about these little details and rules of performing to you.

“Might be so sad, might leave my nose running.” Was it worrying for you to be already feeling sick and wanting to stop Kaveh from showing you what was going to happen on that clip?

“I just hope she don’t wanna leave me.” What an awful feeling of nostalgia… making your heart ache in grief for something you didn’t wish to be grieving for.

But inevitably, his voice was bringing your mind back to many years ago to when he first sang that line to you.

It was your three-year anniversary as college lovebirds and you two were in a private room in your mutually favorite restaurant. Scaramouche was deeply in-love with you, but was struggling with money during that era, so he opted to give you that song as a gift instead. You even remember tearing up while listening to his gentle voice singing it, after all, every line of it was a reflection of how Scaramouche felt about you.

And right after it… he proposed to you.

“Don’t you give me up, please, don’t give up.”

“Honey, I belong with you, and only you, baby.”

You were the one that convinced him to publish it after a few talks about his career, which fairly resulted on his first hit and the beginning of his career. The pride you two shared from that achievement convinced you to play it during your marriage’s party while swaying with each other in the dancing hall with other couples around. You, in that beautiful white dress and makeup, and him, looking so elegant in that black tuxedo. The both of you under multiple red lights just like Scaramouche was in that stage, but alone.

“Only you, my girl, only you, babe.”

“Only you, darling, only you, babe.”

“Only you, my girl, only you, babe.”

“Only you, darling, only you.”

The crowd begun turning on their phone’s flashlights and swaying them according to the chorus’ rhythm and their voices noticeably rose in volume. After all, it was the catchiest part of the music.

“Something bad is ‘bout to happen to me.”

“Why I feel this way, I don’t know, maybe.”

“I think of her so much it drives me crazy.”

“I just don’t want her to leave meEEh.”

Your eyebrows rose when you heard that voice crack.

Scaramouche’s voice never cracked during one of his shows, or at least, not so enormously like that.

Perhaps this was when it would begin.

The microphone attached to the back of his ear slightly captured noises of what you recognized as Scaramouche clearing his throat. You heard him do it many times in his studio.

“Don’t you give me up, please, don’t give up.”

“Honey, I belong with you, and only you, baby.”

“Only you, my girl, only you, babe.”

“Only you, darling, only you, babe.”

“Only you, my girl, only you, babe…”

“Only you… dar— ling… only you…”

Scaramouche would typically walk around the stage during these quiet moments, jamming his head and feet according the beat, or he would interact with the crowd, making gestures or questions. But, since Kaveh gave you a preview of what was going to happen in that clip, you weren’t surprised to see him struggling to keep composure, but you were a little hurt and awkward to see how it was happening.

Scaramouche wasn’t doing anything, not even playing the guitar. He was just pathetically standing in front of millions while staring at the edge of the stage along with a few sighs being caught by the microphone.

The awkward ambient he created was giving you an unbearable secondhand embarrassment. Thankfully, from the point-of-view you were watching the clip from, the camera could still sneak underneath his hair and capture his face, and his facial expression seemed a little worried, as if he was disassociating with the moment. After all, he had almost disconnected with the song’s rhythm.

Perhaps, it was done, right? You couldn’t keep looking at him like that. Scaramouche almost had an episode mid-stage, but now that the song went on its little break, where only a romantic guitar solo would happen, he would use it to think strategically, regain his facade and continue singing normally, right?

“Keep watching.” Your colleague, Kaveh, tapped on your shoulder when he realized you weren’t too focused on the video anymore, which forced your eyes to linger back on the screen of his phone.

“Is he ok?” The person that probably owned the phone where the POV came from mumbled the question, their voice being muffled by the hundred other noises in the moment.

Buzz…

Buzz…

You felt something vibrate in your left thigh. You immediately figured it was your phone since it came from right where your stuffed pocket was, and Kaveh decided to pull his phone away to pause the clip.

“Who is it?!” He asked desperately as you pulled your phone out.

Scaramouche

“… It’s him.” You weren’t exactly surprised, but Kaveh certainly was entertained with the occasion.

“Are you going to…” He could barely hide his worry and excitement.

“Answer? No.” You quickly placed your thumb on top of the red button that was being shown at your screen, which made Kaveh get slightly disappointed, but he preferred to not comment about it.

You decided to place your phone at your desk this time, making it more accessible than your pants in case he called again.

Kaveh brought his phone back to your eyes again, and clicked the pause button to unpause it.

Scaramouche was still standing at the same spot with a breathing rhythm that was growing in speed and intensity every second.

Closer to the end of the guitar solo, Scaramouche placed a hand on his mouth. And then, it quickly panicked and moved upwards to pull most of his hair backwards.

When the solo was finally done, and the song was supposed to be back, nothing came out of his throat, just breathless sighs that were finally cracking into whimpers.

“Is he having a panic attack?” The phone’s owner asked again, zooming closer to his face.

The millions of people around him were awkwardly quiet and confused, whispering to each other and making questions. It even made you feel pity for Scaramouche’s situation. Everyone wanted to know what was going on, if Scaramouche was actually breaking down or if this was some trick to catch everyone’s attention, and perhaps get himself a viral clip on social media, or if he had actually forgot the lyrics.

Finally, Scaramouche rose his head in a blink, desperately wanting to see how disastrous his situation had become, but everyone just focused on one thing.

A tear.

Or… actually…

Two falling tears.

“He’s crying!” The phone’s owner sighed in mercy.

Eveyrone in the crowd cooed for him, which immediately made Scaramouche’s eyes to drop even more repressed tears, and his other hand to help cover his whole face.

Thankfully, it influenced a group to unite and help him get rid of the horrible embarrassment he was going through. After all, everyone knew for who this song was made for.

“What if she’s fine?”

“It’s my mind that’s wrong.”

“And I just let bad thoughts…”

“Linger for far too long.”

Scaramouche’s body leaned down as he heard the song, as if he was finally allowing himself to feel it. Although the microphone wasn’t able to catch much of his voice because of his cover, it was pretty clear to everyone that he was beginning to cry, and the more the crowd united to sing his own creation, the harder it was being for him to resist it.

“Don’t you give me up, please, don’t give up on me.”

“Honey, I belong, with you, and only you, baby.”

And finally, the moment that was most replaying on every social media:

Scaramouche suddenly crumbled and fell on his knees, sitting on the back of his ankles as he curled his entire body down to whimper in the floor. The loud ‘bang’ noise of his guitar against the floor didn’t even matter to him.

“Only you, my girl, only you, babe.”

“Only you, darling, only you, ba—

Pause.

You couldn’t bear hearing that nickname anymore or getting secondhand embarrassment from Scaramouche’s episode anymore.

You crossed your arms to think, and Kaveh immediately took that as a sign to finally turn off his phone and put it back to his pants.

“I-I’m sorry if I bothered you, Y/N, but I think you should be aware of this.” He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck as he saw your turned-off face.

“No, it’s ok.” You finally looked at him again with a weak smile. “At least I know at least five people sent me death threats on my Instagram’s DMs nos.” You shrugged your shoulders and laughed the problem off as if it wasn’t an absurd.

What were some of the quotes again?

scaramouchesversion

Kys

You bitch

I hope you’re happy with what you did

scaramouchesno1fan

How could you ever divorce him smh

I hope you die soon

You chuckled again as your remembered that last ‘DM request’. Kaveh decided to chuckle with you too since he couldn’t tell how you were feeling, but before he could even say something about it, you heard a familiar noise again.

Buzz…

Buzz…

Kaveh’s body froze as he waited for you to give him an answer.

But you simply turned your head back and stared at your phone’s screen blankly.

It was him again. That was Scaramouche about 10 minutes after having a mental breakdown onstage in front of millions of his fans, and was probably still having.

You gently reached for your phone and stared closer at it for some extra seconds to think better about what you wanted.

“I’ll answer.” You looked at Kabeh, which made him immediately nod in obedience and step away from you and your little office.

You waited until Kaveh had visibly closed the door shut to click the green button and dragged it to your ear, although you were pretty much he had his ear leaned against the door.

“Y-Y…” You heard him whimpering your name’s first syllable, trying to keep composure. “Y/N..?”

“Hi.” You didn’t know what to say, but you knew exactly what you wanted to hear.

“Oh, God…” His voice broke down even more than it already was. “It’s you..!”

“Yes. It’s me.” You shrugged your shoulders even if he couldn’t see you doing it.

“Y/N, I… I don’t even know what to say, but please, don’t hang up!” He paused for a beat to stabilize himself, noticeably swallowing down. “We… we need to talk.”

“Do we, Scaramouche?” You asked a little ironically, holding back a sadistic giggle.

“Yes! Yes, we do!” He screamed at you, mad at how emotionally distant you sounded.

“What do we need to talk about then?” You started walking in circles in your office.

“Our… our divorce.” You hated how those words immediately triggered memories in your mind.

“Kuni, please… don’t do this! We don’t have to do this!” You cried and begged to him in pure desperation while trying to hold him by his wrist to stop him from walking around your shared room.

“Can you fucking stop clinging on me, for fuck’s sake?!” His hands carelessly pushed your hands away from his wrist, repelling it away from you afterwards as if he disgusted you.

“We can still fight for our marriage, Scaramouche! For us! We still love each other despite the problem we’re going through right now, don’t we?!” You desperately placed your hands at your chest, trying to make yourself the target of his attention.

But all Scaramouche did was roll his eyes back and sigh in pure boredom and stress.

“I DON’T WANT ‘US’ ANYMORE!” He screamed at the top of his lungs to you, making you flinch away several times, pausing to recover some of his breath before screaming at you again. “IF ‘US’ IS YOU FUCKING PISSING ME OFF EVERY FUCKING DAY BECAUSE OF SOME STUPID HOUSE CHORES OR BECAUSE OF MY SLEEP SCHEDULE, I DON’T WANT IT!”

“No, no, no, no, no!” His words made you feel like your whole world was beginning to crumble in front of you and that your heart shattered in a million pieces. “PLEASE!” You threw yourself onto his legs, latching your hands on him like a leech, knees banging hard against the floor, but you ignored the pain for the sake of him. “I’ll do anything for you to not do this, Scaramouche! I’ll stop complaining, I’ll stop demanding things from you, I’ll let you do whatever you want, I’ll take care of the house, anything at all! I just don’t want us to end like this!” You pathetically sobbed on his pants, wetting him mercilessly.

Ick.

That was what he felt for you at that moment and that was how those memories made you feel now.

“What about it?” You finally focused back on Scaramouche, who was still waiting for a response.

“I… I don’t think we…” He still seemed lost on his own thoughts and memories as he spoke to you, just like he was onstage. “I don’t think we should’ve separated our ways, Y/N…” He finally said it.

You never felt such an agonizing feeling of unfairness and hypocrisy in your entire life.

“Oh, really? Why do you think that?” You scoffed at his feelings.

“I sang the song… your song…” He initiated but his voice beginning to break again due to his crying. “But I started remembering the lyrics and why and when I wrote them, and I..!” Scaramouche couldn’t hold back his cry, not being able to finish himself for a few seconds. “I regret it, Y/N!” He screamed at the top of his lungs.

“Interesting.” You wanted to keep listening to him.

“I don’t know what was I thinking, Y/N… I was such a fucking idiot..! All that you were doing was worry and care for my health and I fucking… I fucking ruined it all..!” His voice became hoarse in that matter of seconds.

“I know.”

“Please… let’s talk about it… we can still fight for it…” It hurt to hear those words only now. You would’ve done anything to hear them a year ago.

“No, we can’t.” Your voice finally started to break too as your anger increased. It was an absurd to hear your words come out of his mouth like that.

“Huh..?” Scaramouche didn’t seem to process those words.

“You’re right, Scaramouche. I would spend hours, every single day, begging for you to not leave me, to stop with the divorce. I would kneel and hold you for your minimum care and attention and tell you that I forgave every fucking wrong thing that you did to me or the house, your ignorance, your stupidity, your distance, but you ignored it. Every single attempt of mine went straight to trash.” You started to feel a few tears forming in the back of your eyes too, and you could hear Scaramouche whimpering in regret as you detailed your past with him.

“I know I shouldn’t have done that, Y/N! I learned my lesson! I finally fucking learned on that stupid stage that it is stupid of me to ignore and neglect help and that I should appreciate it instead! I want to stop myself from doing it! I want to heal myself and become a better person! I want to heal us! That’s why I’m calling you, Y/N, I fucking love you! I love you with every fiber of my heart and every damn cell of my body! My whole fucking career doesn’t have a meaning without you!” He paused for a moment again to hyperventilate and cry for a few seconds while you reflected. “Listen to me…” His voice sounded a little bit more serious now, but still full with tears and emotion. “We can solve this. Everything will be ok between us. We can begin doing couple therapy once a week, and—”

“We?” You cut him off with a sarcastic laugh, causing him to stop talking. “You’re the only one who needs therapy here, Scara.”

“For fuck’s sake, Y/N! Can you stop being so fucking rude and listen to me for one minute?! I know I have no fucking rights to be asking you this right now, but I’m trying my best to express my regret here!” He seemed extremely triggered with your sarcasm.

“That’s your best?!” That was the loudest scoff you had ever done in your life.

“If you gave me a fucking chance to talk instead of cutting me off like some annoying spoiled bitch, I would’ve—!” You heard Scaramouche’s breath hitch as he realized he had said the wrongs words. “I… Fuck, I’m sorry..!” He whimpered again, anxiety hitting him like a truck.

“That’s your problem, Scaramouche. You can’t handle the consequences of your actions. You bottle them up until they explode. You couldn’t handle your career’s demand, you couldn’t handle our divorce, you couldn’t handle the aftermath of it… and you’re finally exploding to the only person in the world that would be willing to listen to you and help you, me. But, unfortunately, you chose to neglect me too until I had no option but to distance myself from you. And your execution was so lame, that now… I’m not interested in you or ‘us’ anymore, Scaramouche.” You were brutally neutral as you broke his heart, which made them even more painful to Scaramouche.

“You don’t mean it…” He whimpered like a kid.

“I’m seeing other guys, Scaramouche.” Finally, the phone call went silent for a moment.

Scaramouche tried mumbling some syllables at first, desperate to argue back as soon as possible, but you truly had left him speechless.

“W… Wha—?” Finally, you brought the phone’s screen to your eyes again, and smashed that red button with your thumb.

You threw it on your desk with less care right after, and proceeded to ignore it.

Breathe in…

And…

Breathe out.

It was done.

You felt guilty about being so cold to that rare moment of Scaramouche’s vulnerability, but you couldn’t deny that feeling of joy in the back of your heart. After so many months worrying 24/7 about his mental health when his career was at its peak, and being pushed away like you were some stranger, being mistreated and insulted in your own ‘home’, having even more chores to do at home because of his laziness, looking at your wedding’s pictures and videos, wondering how did you two manage to grow so distant to each other, missing those dear moments of love you two shared during your entire story together… it gave you satisfaction to know that you did your part and that he was the one to throw your relationship away.

And of course your phone started vibrating again. You tried ignoring it, believing that it wouldn’t annoy you that much, but it quickly did, unlike your optimistic prediction. You stopped trying to calm yourself down only to hiss in stress and smash the red button of it again, only to find out he was also sending you messages.

And although you felt pleasure on making him hurt, it was quickly reverted to pure annoyance as you unlocked your phone and opened your ‘chat’ with him, the last messages being about your divorce.

Scaramouche

Y/N

Please

Answer me

You’ve seen the clip, didn’t you?

I know it must be everywhere

These were his previous messages he had sent before you answered him, and he was finally typing again.

Scaramouche

I’m sorry

I didn’t mean to call you that

I take it back

Let’s restart this conversation

Please

Please Y/N

You never realized how fast he was at it, or maybe you were just too mad at him.

You didn’t even mind reading what else he had to type, and decided to end the only connection you two had.

You clicked in the top area of the messenger, where his photo and call options were at.

A menu of other options appeared along with a big display of his profile picture.

The ‘Block’ button shone like gold to your eyes compared to the other white-colored ones.

Block

Do you wish to block Scaramouche?

Blocked contacts will not be able to call or send messages to you anymore. This action can be reversed.

Confirm Cancel

Click.

.

It was done.

Scaramouche officially had zero other ways to contact you in a legal way. He didn’t know your newest address or occupation, so he couldn’t reach and annoy you anymore with his stupidly late regret, right?

You regained your patience and placed your phone at your desk again, trying to avoid your own sense of regret, knowing you were going to make him lose it with that.

Was he really being serious about his regret? Or was this just the natural reaction to his poor decision-making skills? Even if he was being serious, would it be possible for you to forgive his actions and go back to normal? And if he was really just having an anxiety attack, why only now? What would’ve happened to you if you said ‘yes’ to whatever he intended to do? Would you just be heartbroken again?

Bad thoughts… just like that stupid song talks about.

He really hit the jackpot with that melody, didn’t he?

“Ms. Y/N?” You heard a familiar voice behind your door.

“C-Come in..!” You quickly wiped away your thoughts and stood up again to face… him.

“I…” He gently opened the door and paused to close it before continuing for the sake of privacy. “Kaveh told me what happened… I’m really sorry.” Kazuha immediately stepped closer to you to hug you.

Now that you two were alone, you two could be who you were, an unannounced couple, meaning that only you and him knew about it. It was dangerous to announce it yet due to your past relationship, but Kazuha was fully ok with it. Perhaps he even preferred it that way.

“No… it’s ok…” You hugged him back.

“Are you done talking to him?” You chuckled at how he already knew about you calling with him. Kaveh is seriously unable to keep gossip to himself.

You hesitated.

Are you actually done with Scaramouche?

“… Yes.” You still said it for the sake of your relationship with him.

But was it more worth than Scaramouche? That beautiful, creative, talented man that got you head over heels? Would Kazuha ever be able to recreate the thrill you felt with Scaramouche?

“Oh, honey…” Kazuha smooched your forehead smoothly. “Everything will be ok.” He embraced your body another time, forcing your nose to nuzzle on his shoulder.

Despite his passion for you and all the support he has been showing to your recovery and career, you still dared to ask yourself the question and betray Kazuha.

Should you stop seeing him? And maybe… go back to Scaramouche?

While Scaramouche, still sitting on that cold concrete floor, drooling and whimpering after some nauseous rounds of vomiting while feeling claustrophobic with the size of the bathroom stall in the backstage dared to betray all his years of investment on his career.

Was his career and all that fame worth the divorce?

Even if he wanted to ponder about it, unfortunately his investors were finally able to locate him and begun banging in his door, asking him to come out of the stall immediately and solve the catastrophe he had just created in that stage before the Internet spread his outrage everywhere without a favorable context to his dear career as a musician.

Taglist: @goofy-ego @the-stinky-winky @kindofshyent @alatusorrow @luminieee @shyentsfoundherink @bigmantiddys

Y’all thought you’d get a happy first day of the year and start the year fresh? Not anymore! But happy new year to everyone! ❤️

[munsonsmixtapes]

I Just Wanna Be Close Enough to Feel You

rockstar!Eddie x fem!reader

cw warning: hurt/comfort, mention of pregnancy, vomit, and alcohol

based on this post by @cremeve

summary: Eddie is paying too much attention to his rising fame that he completely forgets that you exist. Once he realizes his mistake, he tries his best to make it up to you before it’s too late. 

You watched Eddie from the green room like always. If he had it his way, you would have been right there next to him during the interview, but you always declined. Always. Sure, you were the one who always encouraged him to go after his dreams, but you never wanted to be in the spotlight like he did. 

You were perfectly content with cheering him on from the sidelines, grasping at your anonymity for as long as possible. As you stared down at the diamond on your finger, you realized that wasn’t going to last for very long. 

He had proposed to you at one of his shows. It wasn’t exactly what you had wanted, but it was fine. It was what you had been used to over the last few months. 

It seemed like all of a sudden, Eddie had forgotten who you were and for the most part, that you had even existed. Everything he had ever known about you seemed to disappear from his brain and was replaced with everything fame related. 

Sorry babe, can’t go on our date like I promised, we have an awards show to go to. 

Can’t eat the dinner that took you hours to make. I’m going out with the guys. 

I’ll be home late after the show. Don’t wait up. 

You loved Eddie. You loved him more than you could comprehend, but it seemed like you were slipping through his fingers and he didn’t even care. It almost seemed like he didn’t even remember that you existed sometimes. 

It was little things at first. He forgot to order you a coffee when his assistant was making a run. Or he turned off your alarm that you had set for work because he had a late night.

But the worst was when he forgot to call you after one of his shows. He never forgot, the unknown numbers from the hotels signaling that it was him. So that night, you went to bed, the silence almost deafening as you waited just a little longer for the phone to ring. But it never did. 

Until the next night from a bar or club or whatever. Eddie was so wasted that his words were intelligible, but you were just happy that he called. You were making excuses for him because you just didn’t want to admit that he had changed. 

“That’s y/n,” Eddie told the interviewer and hearing your name pulled you out of your thoughts. Your head snapped to the TV and on the screen behind Eddie and the woman was a photo of the two of you leaving some sort of event. He was looking at you like you had hung the moon and you were beginning to miss that look. When was the last time you had seen it? 

“That’s my girl,” he said with a dopey grin and the interviewer smiled in response. 

“So, you proposed to her at Madison Square Garden a little over a month ago.” That statement was met with cheers and your stomach churned at the memory. 

You had wanted a little proposal, just the two of you and Eddie had known that. Doing that big grand gesture had upset you not only because you had horrible stage fright, but also because it felt like he was just doing it all for show. 

“I did,” Eddie nodded. 

“I hear the ring is worth a lot of money,” the woman smiled and you were just glad that she was wrong. The ring was the one thing that Eddie had gotten right. It was his mother’s, something she had given to him before she passed away, making him promise that he would give it to the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. 

“It’s not,” Eddie laughed with a shake of his head. “It was my mother’s and I wanted y/n to have it because of how special she is to me.”

At that point, you weren’t sure if he was just saying that to make it seem like your relationship was fairy-tale like or if he genuinely meant it. Whichever one it was, it didn’t matter. He hadn’t shown you that he felt that way in a long time. When was the last time the two of you had even slept in the same bed? Maybe April? 

It was October now and the more you watched him talk about the proposal, the more you were convinced that he had only done it to make you stay. And the audience was just to add to the manipulation. 

You weren’t actually going to leave him and Eddie wouldn’t have been so cruel as to do something like that…right? Deep down, he was still the nerd from Hawkins, Indiana that loved to play Dungeons and Dragons and drive you around in his van while the two of you listened to his metal mixtapes. That guy was still in there somewhere. He had to be. 

“Is she here?” The woman asked and you were seconds away from leaving. You couldn’t stand it anymore. 

“Yeah, she’s backstage. She’s not really a big fan of all this. It’s too much for her.” The words were true, but the tone he was using was condescending, not at all like the Eddie you had grown to love. Whoever you were watching on the TV, you didn’t recognize him one bit. 

With that, you grabbed your purse and headed out of the green room and down the hallway to where the two of you had been let in. It was suddenly really hot and you felt like you were going to throw up. 

Before you could make your exit, though, you hurried to the nearest restroom and practically threw yourself into one of the stalls before emptying the contents of your stomach, trying to figure out when you her last thrown up. 

Once you were done, you wiped your face with some toilet paper then went to wash your hands before fleeing the building. You need to get out of there. You needed to be alone. 

But as soon as the door shut behind you, you heard someone calling after you. You didn’t have to turn around to know who it was. That voice was ingrained in your brain. 

“Where are you going, baby?”

“Home, Eddie.” Your words were stiff and he could just tell that something upset you but he wasn’t sure what. 

“Why? What’s wrong?” That was your breaking point. You couldn’t keep it in any longer. 

“Do you even know why I’m here?” You asked, your tone nothing but bitter. 

“I invited you.” 

“No, John, your manager invited me. You haven’t invited me to anything in months. Do you even love me anymore, Eddie?” You were getting choked up, feeling tears pricking your eyes. 

“Of course I love you, baby,” he said, stepping forward and taking your hands in his. “That’s why I proposed to you.” 

“Right, so you didn’t do it just to make yourself look good in front of a crowd? You knew how I wanted to be proposed to and you ignored it or forgot or whatever it was. But it seems like you always forget about me lately.” 

“Baby-“ 

“No,” you cut him off and his eyes widened at how angry you sounded. “I’m not your baby anymore. Here’s your ring, because if this is the guy you’re going to be then I don’t want to marry you. I’m going to pack up my things tonight and stay with my parents for a while.” 

That was like a stab the Eddie’s chest. He hadn’t even been aware of how badly he fucked up until he watched you walk to your car with the ring weighing heavily in his hands. 

He went home alone after his interviews wrapped up. And just like you promised, boxes littered your (now just his) home, but you were nowhere to be found. Not surprising. He almost wanted to call your parents, but decided that it was best to leave you alone for now. He had already done enough. 

Eddie grabbed a much needed beer from the fridge along with  a container of whatever you had made for dinner the night before. As soon as he opened the lid, he saw that it was spaghetti, his favorite. He put some into a bowl before putting it into the microwave, leaning an against the counter behind him, sipping on his beer as he waited.

Once it was done, he moved to the kitchen table with his dinner and ate it, quickly realizing that it was still cold, but he decided that it was what he deserved. The entire time he ate in silence, thinking about nothing but how badly he had fucked up. It wasn’t supposed to be like that. You were supposed to be together forever and now he had the ring he had given sitting in his pocket because he just had to ruin the good thing you had. 

And now he was going to have to tell everyone that you were no longer together and he wasn’t going to be able bear seeing the looks on their faces when he told them that it was his fault. As much as he wanted to throw a pity party for himself, he couldn’t help but think about how you felt. He made you feel like you were invisible, like you didn’t even exist and that almost made him not even want to finish his dinner. 

At one time, you were the most important thing in his life and then he got one little taste of fame and suddenly, it was like you weren��t even there anymore. And the thing that made him the most sick was that he hadn’t even noticed. He hadn’t even noticed that you had been there all along, even when you were in the same room. The old Eddie would have had you on his lap, whispering sweet nothings into your ear as you both were enveloped in your own little world. 

He couldn’t even remember the last time the two of you had done that. It had definitely been months. He looked at the chair across from him and imagined you sitting there, eating your food in between sips of whatever drink you were having and you’d smile at him, telling him time and time again that you loved him. Because you did. More than he ever would have known and now he was alone, preparing to down his sorrows in a mixture of beer and his tears.

Once his bowl was empty and put in the dishwasher, Eddie moved to the room you two had shared, trying to think about the last time he had slept in it. He sat on the edge and looked around the room at all the boxes, feeling tears roll down his cheeks. He then pulled the ring out of his pocket and stared at it, thinking about how disappointed his mother would have been in him. How disappointed Wayne would have been in him. Maybe he should have given him a call. He would know exactly what the do. Before Eddie could stop himself, though, he dialed the all too familiar number and the line rang a few times before someone picked up. 

“Well, as I live and breathe,” Wayne’s familiar voice rang through the phone and Eddie felt himself tearing up just by hearing it. “Thought you were too famous to call around here.” 

“I’m never too famous for you, Wayne,” Eddie replied which was followed by a sigh. He should have known that Wayne could predict that he had wanted something. He could always read Eddie like a book and Eddie hated that. 

“Alright, lay it on me, boy,” Wayne sighed once again and Eddie just furrowed his eyebrows, trying just best to play dumb since he hadn’t actually wanted to talk about it. Because if he talked about it, he’d have to admit what he had done and he wasn’t in the mood for a lecture.  

“What?” 

“Something’s bothering you, kid, now tell me what it is and I’ll see if I can help.” 

“I-she left me, Wayne.” Eddie was choking back sobs and Wayne was able to tell even through the phone.

“Y/n wouldn’t leave you,” his uncle replied, his tone soft like always. 

“Then why is all her stuff packed up in boxes?” He turned to look over his shoulder just to make sure that he wasn’t dreaming and sure enough, they were still there, his nightmare becoming a harsh reality. 

“What did you do?” The tone wasn’t so much accusatory as it was genuine curiosity. 

“What makes you think I did something?” 

“Because I know my nephew and I know y/n. She cares too much to actually hurt you. Now what did you do? I thought you were engaged.” The fact that Wayne clocked his shit so quick made Eddie feel even more sick, even more guilty. 

“We were. But I think that’s part of the problem, Wayne. She didn’t like it and only said yes because she felt like she had to.” Even Eddie knew that to be true, so he wasn’t so sure why he was surprised when you had given the ring back to him. Eddie had made it all about him just like always and didn’t even stop for a second to think about what you had wanted. 

“Well, your first mistake was proposing in front of that many people. Even I know how she really wanted it to happen. But I feel like you’re not telling the whole story.” That was true and Eddie hated how Wayne knew him so well. That he was able to see through all of the bullshit just like you could. Everyone else seemed to be so blind to it. 

“I let it all get to my head. I was so obsessed with the fame and the money and the attention that I forgot about what really mattered until it was too late. I fucked up.” 

“When did all of this happen?”

“Months ago, Wayne. But she broke up with me this afternoon.”

“Then it’s not too late. You know where she is so go apologize. Give her what she really wants. Jesus, kid, for being really smart, you really don’t like to use your head, do you?” 

“I can’t apologize-“ Wayne didn’t want to hear any excuses. Eddie didn’t want to apologize because he didn’t want to admit how wrong he was, how badly he had screwed up. But deep down, he knew that was all you wanted to hear.

“I do'n want to hear any of that. If you just own up to your mistakes, she’ll definitely forgive you. It’s like you don’t even know her anymore. Now I’ve got to head to work, but you tell me how it all ends, alright? You better have gotten the girl, kid.”

The line went dead and Eddie set the phone back in its cradle and sat for a moment, trying to come up with how he was going to apologize. This time, there would be no grand gesture, just him and his words that were coming from the heart. 

Once he was done sulking, he wiped his tears and hurried to the bathroom to fix his hair and generally just make himself look more presentable. He raked his finger through his hair to make it look more presentable then let out a deep sigh as he looked in the mirror. He leaned forward to get a better look and shook his head as he realized that that was going to be the best it was going to get. 

He then reached for some toiler paper and dabbed at his tears, not wanting to look like a pathetic mess in front of you. You deserved the best and that was definitely not it. Once he was finished, he went to throw away the toilet paper and was distracted but the box that was sticking out among the other trash. Without another thought, he reached for it, not even noticing that something had fallen out of it as he held the box up to read it. 

“What?” He asked, his eyes widening as he read the words “pregnancy test” scrawled across the front in a giant font. He took the box and went to find his keys so he could head to your parents’ house but tripped on something on his way out of the bathroom. He stepped back and there was the test sitting on the floor. He picked it up and felt his heartbeat quicken as he saw the two lines where the results were supposed to be. 

A baby? You were going to have a baby? He was going to be a father? Well, if he played his cards right he would be. Just as he was about to go hunt for his keys, though, the front door slammed shut. 

Eddie fled the bathroom so fast that there was practically smoke behind him as he moved. Sure enough, as he got to the hallway, there you were, hanging your coat up on the rack, wiping your tears from your face. Eddie stood at the end of the hall, giving you your space and he was glad that he had considering the fact that you jumped at the sight of him. 

“I-I thought you were out with the guys.”

“No,” he shook his head. “I wanted to chase after you, but you were already gone. And I was about to leave to find you because I wanted to talk to you about this,” he held up the test and you supposed you shouldn’t have left it in plain sight. 

“What about it? I don’t need you, Eddie. We don’t need you,” you corrected as you raised your hands to your stomach. “If you’re willing to get your shit together and decide that you want to be a father then we can co-parent, but if not, then I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t want to co-parent,” He said, stepping closer to you. “I have made a lot of mistakes in the past few months, y/n. And the biggest one was letting you walk out that door.” He was in front of you now and your stomach lurched as you took in him pink, tear-stained cheeks. 

“I want us to get married and raise this baby together. I want to wake up next to you every morning no matter where I am because I can’t stand to be away from you. I’m sorry I fucked up and I’m sorry that you were in the receiving end of it. If you give me another chance, I promise I’ll make it right, baby. I swear. So if you’ll have me,” he lowered himself onto his knee as he held out his ring to you. “I would want nothing more than to be your husband.”

As you stared down at him, you could see the old Eddie coming back. That little glimmer of mischief in his eyes was there again and you could tell that he was serious as the tears rolled down his cheeks. Seeing him that distraught over losing you made you realize that he really didn’t want to lose you and that he had just made a mistake. 

“Of course you can be my husband,” you responded, and Eddie was quick to put the ring on your finger before rising to his feet, pulling you in for a kiss. It was deep and passionate as the two of you poured out your feelings for each other that you hadn’t been able to express for months. You were the first to pull away, a bright smile on your face that Eddie had missed so much. 

“Wanna help me unpack?” You asked before pressing another kiss to his lips. 

“Honey, I thought you’d never ask.” 

[sugucvnt]

PERFECT ROLE | 2.7k

alcoholic! toji fushiguro x fem!reader

description: you’ve always been his perfect housewife. you’ve been there to keep the bed warm, keep the food hot, and there to cry when he’s been out all night drinking.

tags/warning: angst, crying, kitchen sex, clothed sex, mentions of drinking, implied alcoholic, toji's not a great husband but he is trying, REPOST (from my other account lolol), emotional sex

all of your days seem to start the same.

laundry, feeding your child, cleaning her room, etc. when you signed up for motherhood, you weren’t expecting the redundancy that tags along with it. still, even your bad days feel good and you couldn’t imagine trading motherhood for anything else. you smile a little as you tuck your last child into bed, pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead before leaving quietly.

you have no regrets because you love your little girl. and sometimes, you love your husband too. the sound of jingling keys seems to snap you out of your thoughts and you huff out a breath, making your way downstairs. the stairs croak a bit, so you’re aware he knows you’re coming.

it isn’t written on your face, but you are rather upset. you’ve known your husband since he was a teenager- which means you’re aware of things he may not even be aware of. like the fact that he honestly prefers eating with other people. you’ve noticed the man goes a little crazy when you refuse to eat at the table with him. not just that, though, but you know the way his mind works.

toji doesn’t know what a promise is. or he’s got no idea what it means to make one.

he’ll make tons of empty promises that he never intended to keep in the first place, and then he’ll get pissy at you for being upset with him. it’s unfortunate, but you’ve always learned to just accept it and work around that flaw. until now, you’ve never allowed his blatant disregard for your feelings to send you into such despair. your emotions are a tool you’ve worked diligently to keep in place. it’s like a stone wall: they aren’t so easily broken or disturbed. not by just anyone, at least.  the only person who could disturb the artificial peace you’ve created to keep yourself sane is toji.

you’re barely near the man, still leisurely walking down your loud, wooden steps- but you can smell him.

cheap liquor. it’s all you’ve been able to smell this week.

“‘m back,” he calls, the shrinking scar on his lip pulling into a sickening grin. it seems so long ago but there was a time when you enjoyed his smile. there was a time when it brightened your day just to see the stupid little smirk he’d have on his face when you did something for him, or even when you’d wore a pretty outfit he liked.

“it’s late, toji,” you start, finally making your way down the steps and right past your husband. he barely feels like that to you anymore. “haven’t even had work this week but you’re out all night. it’s funny.”

you shoot him a quick glare before brightening up the kitchen a bit when you turn the stove light on.

“don’t be like that, i let you go out when you wanna.” he sits in one of the chairs in the dining area, a sly grin still glued to his stupid face. your eyebrows furrow and your head turns to look at him, your hand anxiously playing with the loose strings of your nightgown.

“let me? toji, you can’t let me do anything. i haven’t even been out to do anything but run errands.” another sigh escaped your lip and you feel like you might vomit. you’ve been up since 6, running errands, doing laundry, and making breakfast. not to mention, crying yourself nearly to death worrying about your husband. is he alright? why’s he been out so much recently? does he need to talk?

you’re worried out of your mind. it’s like your head’s been spinning and your thoughts aren’t even your own. so anxious, you’re nearly on the verge of vomiting daily. toji hardly even notices you said anything before he’s back to picking at the food on his plate.

“you promised you wouldn’t keep drinking.” he’s draining your energy day by day and you’re unsure if you can even keep up. your voice is merely a croak, fingers still widely tangling and untangling in the loose threads of your satin gown. you wanna say good night and kiss him on the cheek? even tell him that you aren’t mad, just worried is all.

you don’t.

you’re about to move past him. you’re tired and irritated- you need some sleep and a long bath and much to your dismay, he carefully grabs your arm. you’ve been with the kids all day. the kids you’d agreed to procreate when he promised a foolish illusion of a perfect family. you won’t regret your children- don’t think you could ever live with yourself if you did, honestly.

but you’re starting to think you chose the wrong person to start a family with.

he doesn’t speak. his presence is so subtle, it’s like he’s holding his breath. you feel a chill run through your back when he pulls you into his lap, attempting to have you straddle him. your energy, the rest of it, has been used up for the night. you don’t have the proper motivation to even fight with him. on a normal night, maybe you’d push him away a little hard and then come back to apologize. maybe on a normal night, you’d just bury your face in his welcoming neck without fighting him. maybe even ask if he’s okay. you wanna know. you gotta.

however, tonight isn’t a normal night. you haven’t had one in a while.

you have enough energy to turn your head to the side. you can barely stomach looking at his flushed face and wild hair. he’s as red as a tomato, with individual strands of hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. you’ve been missing him so much that the images of how happy he used to look simply from being around you and your children flash through your mind, almost as if your own head’s mocking you. like your mind’s telling you how pathetic it is that you’re losing the family you built. going from a loving housewife to your husband’s burden.

does he hate you? is that why he’s been acting so recklessly? you’re no stranger to fantasizing about your life before a family. you often thought about a different career choice or how much free time you’d have if something, anything, had changed. that didn’t mean you didn’t want toji anymore, though. the thought of him hating you or feeling any type of disgust with you caused your stomach to churn painfully, embarrassingly enough. he was still your lover. always had been.

“you know how much i love you, yeah?” he whispers, the scent of liquor heavy on his thick tongue. his words cause you to flush with a bittersweet sensation. loves you? he’s constantly gone and making you worried. you can’t remember the last time he asked about your day or helped out at home.

you pout childishly, stifling an unwanted laugh. nothing about this is amusing to you, but you genuinely can’t help the laugh beginning to escape your lips. “yeah? then i don’t see why you make me worry so much.” you finally bring yourself to face him, tears awkwardly welling in your eyes. blinking them away, you subconsciously pressed your head against his. you can hear his breath hitch in his throat before his hands gently grip your clothed waist. you’ve been doing well at keeping your frustration with your situation at bay, but something about sitting in your husband’s lap just broke you. when was the last time you were able to feel his warmth? it felt nice. you were starting to remember just how much you missed feeling his body against yours again.

god, you were beginning to feel so needy.

“hey,” you hear him start before he quickly stops talking. you assume he’s attempting to rack his tipsy brain for the right words, but it must be difficult in his haze. still, he’s seeming to sober up in your presence. “don’t cry, please. not over me.”

tears still drip from your eyes, your body ignoring his words. how can you stop now? you’ve been crying all day. all week. he’ll never understand what he’s doing to your mind until it’s too late for the both of you. you’re constantly on edge, feeling like you’ll break. he’ll tell you something sweet, claiming he’ll stop or that he’s sorry- but won’t do anything to make you believe it. you’ve stopped trusting him and you hate that so much. hate how much you’re regretting a relationship with him and how far you’ve both taken it.

neither of you is ready to be together.

even then, you can’t leave. you have a child together. and secretly, even if you won’t admit it, you still love him. even if you’re angry and frustrated, and depressed- you’ll always love him. you’ll always be here, keeping the bed warm and keeping food on the table for when he gets home.

that’s one promise you can’t break.

“please, you’re hurting me a lot.” you’re trying to be honest. until now, you’ve held the way you’ve felt for as long as possible, only confronting him when the situation escalates. you’ve been a good woman. a good wife, for him. “i can’t- not by myself. please, toji. please.” you plead with him, bringing the back of your hand up to quickly wipe away your unwelcome tears.

even in the dim light, you can tell how much his face drops seeing you cry. you’re aware of how his mouth opens, but then quickly shuts. his eyes find yours and his hands squeeze your waist a little. nothing is stopping you from releasing a low groan, so you do. poking your lip out while you watched, or rather felt, for his every move.

he presses a chaste kiss to your neck and suddenly, you can’t remember what you were so upset about. the feeling of his scarred lip bewitches you and forces more groans from your lips. your body seems to move on its own, hips gyrating over his clothed bulge in a steady movement. your lips move to his neck now, your brain filling with fuzz while his hands travel over your needy body. goosebumps begin to form along your skin when he touches you, but he barely notices. it’s been too long since you’ve been touched like this.

“there she is,” toji pushes his strands of hair out of his face before gently grabbing your chin. his eyes are intimidating as ever, but you feel a sudden warmth when he looks at you now. the same gentle fire in his stomach you used to feel. it’s dangerous. it’s dangerous because it feels like hypnotism. every worry or stressor in your life seems to become so blurry they’ve disappeared. your feelings are surprisingly at ease, and shoulders that were once tense now drop lazily. “my pretty lil’ housewife. knew you couldn’t stay mad at me…”

his words should snap you out of your daze. they should upset you because now it’s clear he’s either attempting to make a shitty apology or distract you. despite your awareness, you’re unable to bring yourself to stop.

“yeah…” you breathe out hoarsely, attempting to roll your hips against his hardening bulge once again before he stops you, tightly gripping your waist. your head shoots up to stare at him, silently questioning him. his hands quickly leave your waist before silently fumbling with his belt and zipper. you suck your lip into your mouth and nervously pull your nightgown up to your tummy. the world around the both of you seems to fade away, the only thing on your mind now being your husband. toji, toji, toji.

you breathe out a cool breath, shaky fingers snaking down to pull your sticky panties to the side. your husband’s mouth pulls into a grin when he notices his effect on you, blowing some air from his mouth. you watch intently as his thick fingers wrap around the base of his cock. he glances up at you for a split second before he’s rubbing the top of his cock against your wet clit. you shiver, your chest rising and falling dramatically from such a simple touch. you can feel nerves surge throughout your stomach from both pleasure and anxiety, but you ignore it.

it’s painfully quiet, the only sounds being your soft groans and toji’s grunts. he slicks his cock with a mixture of saliva and your arousal before lining it with your entrance. once he pushes in, you can no longer contain yourself. your eyes water again from the stretch, but you’re still moaning. couldn’t stop if you wanted to. your mouth hangs open, tongue lolling to the side while bottoms out in your tight heat.

“been so long baby,” he whimpers, fucking whimpers, in your ear, the familiar feel of his hands now back on your waist. “missed feeling you like this so bad.” you can feel his hips thrust upward, fucking into you in swift movements while you just take it. you feel his cock drag against your sopping walls, the sound of your slick gushing not going unnoticed by either of you. it’s almost awkward the way you just sit there and take what he’s giving you.

his pace slows down now and then, the gentle drag of his throbbing cock sending waves of pleasure through your body. you huff out gentle breaths into his neck while toji has his way with your body for the first time in a while. neither of you feels talkative tonight given the tension, but you wanna cry out to him. your body’s been on fire these nights without feeling his cock filling you up so, so so perfectly.

with a free hand, he makes a gap between the both of you and presses his finger to your aching clit, causing you to cry out loudly. you throw your head back, finally gaining a bit of control. you leisurely rotate your hips, holding onto toji’s broad shoulders as a way to keep your balance. toji never stops moving. he never stops fucking himself inside of you, one hand gripping your ass while the other gently presses down on your clit.

you know he isn’t good at apologies. is this his way of apologizing? you can’t help but wonder.

he could feel your walls gripping him like you were too afraid to let go- and it was driving him insane. you could tell as much, groaning from the way he throbbed inside of you. “gripping me like-” he stops and grunts, pace quickening once again. you can hear the sound of his cock pounding you, along with the sound of your slick continuing to escape your pussy. it’s almost too much, really. “like you want another baby. do you? you wan’ another, hm?”

goodness, no. you don’t need another child in this situation. you wouldn’t be ready and you know he wouldn’t be either. despite that fact, the fantasy of him pumping more children into you was starting to force a reaction from you. your toes clenched tightly while you rode his cock, pulling yourself off a bit before sliding down quickly. the nerves in your stomach were out of control and you broke out in chills. you were almost there. you buried your face in his shoulder while you moaned, riding out your quiet orgasm. his fingers sped on your aching clit, encouraging you to use him for your own pleasure. he was so lovely in bed.

toji whispered how much of a good girl you were for him before he found himself painting your walls in thick ropes of hot cum. he thrusts into you a few more times before halting, hands weakly wrapping around your hips in an attempt to pull you even closer.

he didn’t have to say anything for you to know he was sorry.

“‘m sorry i haven’t changed.” his voice was croaky, you’d noticed.

“‘ts okay. won’t leave you. can’t.” your lips were pursed while you lay your head on his shoulder, thinking about your words. there was nothing sadder to you than your own desperation. no matter how this played out, you couldn’t see yourself leaving him. no matter how much you were regretting your marriage, you’d never leave.

you were realizing that maybe you weren’t good for each other after all. the toxicity of your relationship was nothing to laugh at.

but even then, you’d continue playing the role of his perfect housewife.

[retiredteabag]

Why I Like Megumi's Character - an unnecessarily long explanation

I was initially drawn to his role in the show because I relate to him so much. He is incredibly judgmental, viewing people purely by their actions as we see below:

In season one he explains his motivation: "I hate bad people. They act so damn superior when their empathy and imagination are as empty as a vacant shell."

He immediately follows this with, "I can't deal with good people either because they forgive those bad people and they view the act of forgiveness as a noble thing. Makes me wanna vomit."

While I do not believe in the idea of "good" or "bad" people, I can agree with the sentiment that humans simply are what they do. There is no deeper "person" below the actions they take. I believe forgiveness is the only real way to move on from things, even so, I find it incredibly challenging to forgive those who have harmed others by their actions.

"The dog that weeps after it kills is no better than the dog that doesn’t." That is to say, your guilt will not purify you.

As I get older I have learned again and again that not everybody has the same moral expectations that you may hold for yourself, and if you expect goodness from others, you will undoubtedly be let down. Not matter how much goodness you give out.

Next, though her convictions upset him, Megumi loves his sister deeply.

Tsumiki is Megumi's example of a quintessential "good person", he dislikes her eagerness to forgive those who have done wrong, in fact, her compassion upsets him. Even so, he recognizes her as a person he greatly loves.

As someone who is blessed to be surrounded by kind-hearted people. I am, on occasion, revolted by the actions they let slide by those around them. Though I view their laissez-faire attitude as rather pathetic, I can still recognize they are a better person than I.

Megumi does not try to be like anyone but himself. Though he disagrees with Yuuji, he still recognizes the goodness in him and I believe that at times, he wishes to be more like the other boy.