#I lost my mind writing their style and the funny and sad thing is that this character isn't the only one with a non-canon breathing style..

[aritsukemo]

My Paradise Fanfiction has required me to research different religions as it involves an upcoming oc that will be introduced and I must say, I'm having the time of my life lmao-

I will say though, trying to adjust the timeline of kny is turning my headache into a migraine..

Also, how do people make breathing styles for their ocs? Like idk if I'm overcomplicating this, but it literally took me like two days to create a couple of forms..

[softtdaisy]

your favorite brother / Aaron Hotchner

summary. you thought you would never deal with Hotchner brothers again. And here came Aaron. Arresting you. And making up for the arrest.

words count. 3,055

what to expect. mention of murder, mention of abuse, mention of Sean (guess it's important to say it) not a real smut because i'm still uncomfortable writing it but it's implied

a/n. this might be one of my favorite fic since i started writing again, i really took the time to do something sensual. and i'm trying to something new with the gif so??? i hope you will love it 🤍

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You’ve seen Aaron Hotchner more these past two days than the whole time you were dating Sean, his brother. 

It’s not like you didn’t try to back then. You always found it sad that both brothers weren’t in touch and didn’t seem close at all. Sean didn’t seem very fond of his brother, criticizing him a lot for many things that you didn’t even understand most of the time. You often thought that he was looking for excuses to blame Aaron for many things in his life that were not his fault. But it wasn’t your place to defend a man you never met. 

You only met Aaron once, in your ten months relationship with his brother.

You guessed he tried to do some effort by inviting him to Jack’s birthday that year. You almost didn’t come. It was the beginning of your relationship with Sean and you weren’t sure it was right to be there after months (years?) of the Hotchner’s brothers not seeing each other.

But Sean insisted. Saying he didn’t want to go alone in case they argue. So you were there. 

You remembered the first time you saw Aaron Hotchner.

He looked nothing like your boyfriend. Neither physically or mentally. Maybe that’s why it was harder to contain the immediate attraction you had for him.

Aaron had this dark masculine figure, so serious and imposing, yet with a little light coming from the happy look on his face that it was impossible to miss him. It was his son's birthday and Aaron was the center of attention.

You guessed the FBI outfit was different from the one he was wearing that day: a dark blue shirt that was revealing his biceps and veins and a dark jean that looked so good on his long legs. His hair was not styled, almost like he woke up a few minutes before you arrived.

And when he turned around to greet you, the smile that he gave you was easily one of the most beautiful ones you’ve ever seen. Sincere, genuine and glowing.

He was far from the gloomy figure that Sean described to you. You even wondered if he didn’t overstate that description to prevent you from falling for his brother. 

Funny coming from a confident man that never seems to fear losing his women.

As much as you tried to fight it, you ended up daydreaming about Aaron more than once that day. 

The way he bent over the table, talking to his coworkers, got you lost in your mind about being in this position too. With him.

The way he put a hand on your shoulder to thank you for being here got you thinking about the heat of his skin and how good it would feel elsewhere on your body.

Your brain even memorized his features so well that Aaron was even part of your dirty dream that night. You claimed it was the other Hotchner brother but you could never forget the feeling of the dark haired hands on your body. 

But the two brothers ended up fighting only a few days after Jack’s party and you put aside everything you remembered about Aaron right after. Not only because of the fight but because of the way Sean ended up treating you.

You never wanted to hear about the Hotchner brothers ever again.

And you could have easily gone with that state of mind for the rest of your life. If your coworker wasn’t killed in the elevator. 

Real problem.

You weren’t sure why the FBI got called on the case. Sure it was terrible and premeditated, you don’t kill someone on an elevator out of nowhere, not even after a bad day. And that man had a few complains against him for sexual harassment. It didn’t take two detectives to get the motive.

So when your boss told you that the FBI would work on the case, you didn’t really get it but accepted it.

But when you saw Aaron Hotchner coming through the door, you thought that maybe fate was behind it.

If the attraction was born on Jack’s birthday with his casual look, it came back bigger when you saw him. The charcoal grey suit, the burgundy tie, the dark hair perfectly styled, the silver watch shining on his wrist and the serious look on his face, everything made you lose it that day.

You weren’t the only one surprised by the unplanned and supposed-to-never-happen-again reunion. 

“Didn’t know you were working here.” Aaron said after he finished talking to your boss. He walked straight to your desk, his knees barely touching it. Like he was trying his best to not enter your life again.

“It’s not like you knew a lot about me.” you replied, folding your arms against your chest. You noticed his eyes looking down on you before going back to your face. This was almost a criticism. But could you really blame him for not staying in touch with his brother’s ex-girlfriend?

Aaron sighed, looking away to make sure nobody was listening. “Listen, I know you complained about the victim. We need to hear you.”

You tried not to look disappointed that it took him less than a minute to change the conversation and focus on the case. There was so much more you wanted to say. 

But you also noticed that it took him that same amount of time to change his mind about his place in your life and put a hand on your desk.

“What do you want me to say?” you asked, frowning. “He was convinced every person that walked through this door wanted to have sex with him. To the point he didn’t mind cornering people to get what he wanted.”

You noticed how the hand Aaron had put on your desk turned into a fist. “I slapped him, once.” you added. “It was during last year Christmas’ party. Apparently, my red dress attracted him like a bull to the point he followed me to the toilet to finally have his rest. He said it was my fault.” you took a break, breathing. “He’s the one who’s dead now.”

Maybe you dreamt it but you’re sure you saw a smile on Aaron’s face. Short and very small. But a proof he heard you. Anything else, Aaron?”

“I’ll tell you.” you loved how his eyebrows went up and down, just like his eyes on you. He took one second from his time to look at you before walking back to his team. 

You spent the whole day searching for him in corners and other rooms. Your colleagues always laughed about you being closed to the coffee machine as a way to satisfy your caffeine addiction. Which wasn’t completely false. But you were more than glad when the man haunting your thoughts came to take one more than once. It was good a distraction from work and the mess happening that day.

Next thing you knew, it was 8 p.m., your day was over and Aaron Hotchner was waiting for you. But not casually. 

He was waiting to bring you to the police station. 

“That’s a joke, right?” you asked, chuckling at the idea. It was kind of funny to be arrested by your ex brother-in-law. But there was no sight of fun on his face. 

And when he walked behind you to escort you, Aaron leaned closer to your ear. “Don’t make things more difficult.” he whispered. You closed your eyes for a second, imagining other moments where this man could whisper things in your ear. But only for a second. Because Aaron was walking quickly behind you, hurrying you up outside.

He was the one helping you get in the car. You appreciated the irony of him opening the door like a gentleman. Aaron noticed the look in your eyes, the anger of being arrested for something you clearly didn’t do. And the betrayal of him being the one arresting you. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled so softly you almost didn’t hear it.

But you did. And it was the melody that stayed in your head the whole ride.

The questioning was pure torture.

Aaron asked to not do it, a conflict of interests that the team quickly learned about when they did some research on you. So you met agent Prentiss and Morgan. Well, meet again technically because you remembered seeing them at Jack’s birthday. But there was no time for chatting.

Maybe it was because of your connection with their boss or they saw the sincerity in your words, but none of them seemed to believe in your guilt.

But you still had to stay there because you were one of their unsub. Telling the same story over and over.

“You said you wanted him dead.” Prentiss said, showing you a screenshot from a conversation with your colleagues. 

You couldn’t contain your laugh. “That son of a bitch tried to abuse me. He tried to abuse almost every woman that walked in our office. He was waiting for them like a goddamn hunter. And I should ask for his happiness? He’s better where is now.” you looked at her in the eyes. “But that doesn’t mean I killed him.”

This continued like that for hours. Of them leaving the room and leaving you alone. Even if you could still feel Aaron’s look on you through the glass -at least you liked to think he was there. And both of them coming back to ask you more questions about work and the victim. 

It was midnight when you finally were allowed to come home. This time, you didn’t look for Aaron at the station. But you found him in your dreams. Whether you wanted it or not. 

That was how you ended spending the day at your apartment instead of work. You took your day off and learnt in the afternoon that the real responsible had been caught. 

And again, you thought this case being solved meant you were finally free from the Hotchner brothers.

When the sun started to come down, you heard three knocks on your door. The atrocity of what happened the day before didn’t stop you from opening your door to strangers.

Except it wasn’t a stranger.

It was the man hunting your dreams and fantasies. 

“What do you want Aaron?” you asked, moving away to let him come in.

You weren’t the only one to whom the first meeting between you two was engraved in your mind. Aaron perfectly remembered the day Sean brought you to Jack’s birthday.

His brother didn’t tell him he would bring someone. And when he heard the gossips when you arrived, before seeing you two, he regretted inviting Sean. Of course his brother would do something to annoy him.

Then he saw you.

You had lowered to be at Jack’s level and were laughing at a joke he apparently told you. You looked mesmerised, like his son was the most interesting person in the whole garden. And if you asked Aaron, he would say it’s true. But to see that look on someone that didn’t know either him or Jack was flattering. And appealing.

It wasn’t only the way you acted with Jack. It was you, entirely.   

He remembered the glow in your eyes when you first talked. He remembered how you always seemed to look for him. He remembered seeing you get lost in your thoughts, wondering if he was the cause.

He remembered the necklace you were wearing: a gold chain with an emerald. A gift from Sean. He remembered thinking how his hands would look so much better around your neck. 

Aaron felt bad for having such a sudden and massive desire for his brother’s girlfriend. And just like you, you were the only one in his mind when he went to sleep that night. Or during the showers that lasted longer than usual the following days.

Then life carried on. He somehow forgot about you or his attraction for you. And after his fight with Sean, he wasn’t even aware that you two broke up. Not until yesterday, when you revealed during the questioning that you were single.

“Apologize.” he finally replied. You turned around to look at him. Aaron leant against the wall, like a statue that belonged there. You guessed his day was over by the way his tie was a little less thigh around his neck than yesterday or how the first button of his shirt was undone. He looked tired. This case was draining. Not only by the murder itself but by you being part of it. 

You nervously chuckled at this. “Don’t worry Aaron, I’m used to the Hotchner brothers hurting me.” 

You haven’t thought about Sean since your breakup. You even erased the memory of him in your apartment. The way he would always sit at the same place, the mug he always used -one you got rid of- or how his perfume would always stay for a day or two after he left. These were gone from your mind and you were glad that your life didn’t change after he went away.

Aaron being here could have revived this.

But it didn’t.

Seeing him here made you want to create new memories. With him. 

It started with him taking long steps to catch your wrist. “I’m not Sean.” a fact he needed to hear more than you. Thank god he wasn’t his brother. Otherwise he would never have come. “What did he do to you?” 

Anger. Passion. Eager. You could see all that in his eyes. You could feel it in his hand, how he was gripping your wrist but softly touching your skin with his fingertips. You could hear it in his breathless sighs. 

“Does it matter?” you whispered, close to his lips.

You didn’t know which one of you was leading this dance that couldn’t be seen but you soon felt the wall against your back and Aaron’s body against your chest. “Maybe we should focus on what I can do to you now.” 

Next thing you knew, Aaron's lips were on yours. Angrily kissing the memory of his brother on your mouth away. Passionately biting your lips to taste more of you. Eagerly taking your shirt off to discover your body. All his thoughts went silent with you around. All he wanted was to get more and more of you.

His hands felt exactly like you thought they would on your body: hot and firm. He was grabbing your hips, pressing his body harder against yours. Soon your legs were around his waist. You felt the tense in his arms being tighter holding you like this. But not like it was hard. Like he was living every single second of that moment with appetite. 

When his lips slid on your neck and your hands got lost in his hair, you knew you never wanted this moment to end.

Later, you would find it funny how Aaron found the way to your room without even looking. He was too concentrated on kissing every piece of skin he was unveiling to think about that. Yet, he had no problem walking through the corridor and laying you on your bed. He followed his gut and his gut was driven by his need to be inside you.

When Aaron started untying his tie, you stopped him by putting a hand on it, meticulously placing it on his heart.  “Let me do that.”  you said, your lips so close to his ear that you almost kissed it.

You always had a thing for undressing men. Especially men in suits. 

You took your time with his tie, letting it slide all along his neck in a soft way. You slowly did every button of his shirt, kissing his chest centimeter by centimeter. You lost it for a few seconds looking at the strand of hair running through his chest. This would be a new addition to your dreams, you knew that.

His belt fell on the floor, his pants made the best noise sliding through his legs. And there you were, both naked, and you in front of the man with whom you had the most insane fantasy.

Aaron took a moment to look at you. You were close to it, with him on top of you. You got lost in the beauty of his eyes while he was admiring you. “What does it mean?” you asked him, softly bringing a hand to his cheek in a moment of tenderness that you didn’t expect to happen. 

You saw the conflict in his head. Being torn between knowing he shouldn’t be there with you -because of his job, because of his brother, because of who he was as a man. And putting everything aside for once in his life. “I don’t know.” he replied, still leaning closer to you. 

“And I don’t care.” he added, finally letting his body explore yours entirely.  

You got lost in Aaron’s arms that night. Every minute felt better than the past one. Every kiss felt nicer than the post one.

And every moment, you let yourself fall for him harder.

You couldn’t say you had feelings for him already, except for the obvious attraction you both had for each other. 

But looking at Aaron, asleep in your sheets at 4 a.m. after making love to you multiple times, you thought that maybe. Maybe. You could let yourself be in love with a Hotchner brother again. 

“I see you,” you heard him say in his hoarse sleepy voice. You were a little to blame for it after making moan harder than you thought he even would.

You laughed a little which caused a sweet little smile on his lips.“With your eyes closed?”

“I can see you everywhere.” he replied, opening his sweet eyes. “Even when you’re not there. And I know you did too.”

“Are you a magician, Aaron Hotchner?” you asked with a fake surprise. Slowly, his hands guided you on his lap again. A place you never wanted to leave.

He never answered your question. Not now nor ever. He simply kissed your lips in the softest way, his arms tightening around you so you could lie on his chest.

An offer to discover that yourself, if you were willing too. 

[kdh-tally]

please please please 🙏 make a part 2 to the role reversal au. You should write about them somehow surviving and their interactions with the boys. It'd be funny too see boys get flustered by hot demon girls😂

Btw ever since you mentioned the 'dark girl crush' concept they I imagine that in the reverse au they give off a mix PIXY and red velvet and pinkfantasy. Maybe with a little bit Sabrina Carpenter and Dove Cameron in there😋

KPDH Swap Au Pt 2

Prompt : Swap Au Continued!!

Author's Note : I went into a deep dive on Pixy after listening to the preview you sent and OMG. I'm so sad they've disbanded bro :((( These aren't proof read... You can read PT 1 here -> Swap AU

They're Back??

Months pass and the boys try to move on.

They’re on a hiatus, Bobby forced them to take one.

Jinu has thrown himself into training.

He was definitely haunted by the loss of Rumi and wasn’t able to get her off his mind EVER. 

Romance and Abby would get closer.

They’d bond over the one who got away ☹️ 

Mystery won’t talk as much, which is bad cause he was barely talking in the beginning.

My guy misses his girl

Well she was never really his girl but he most definitely would've made her his girl if he got the chance yk?

He’s a wreck.

Baby's the only one who's fine.

He does miss the girls a teeny tiny bit though, it was like having three older sister who were constantly trying to kill you.

They never found the girls’ bodies. Just the glowing aftermath of their magic in the air.

Jinu insisted that was the end of the, that there was absolutely no way for them to come back. It was a last goodbye.

He was wrong 💀

A crack opens in the fabric of reality during one of their dance practices.

A portal flashes, a wave of power hits, and out of their ceiling descends them.

Zoey, with her hair still styled down as it was during their final performance.

Mira, casually chewing gum and adjusting her gloves waaay too nonchalantaly.

Rumi, throwing a very playful smirk at Jinu.

What the actual hell?

Mystery just stares.

While he did miss Zoey he hadn’t expected to be faced with her so soon…

He doesn’t speak or move. Actually I don’t think he eve could if he wanted to.

Zoey beams at him “Did ya miss me?”

“I- um.” he’s stuttering and can barely get a word out

Baby has to remind this guy how to breath.

“Out through your nose, in through your mouth.”

Abby’s jaw is dropped. He genuinely forgets what he was doing.

Romance is right beside him, holding onto his shoulder for stability cause bro is scared he might fall over just from Mira’s presence.

“Cute. Still absolutely whipped, huh?” she smirks.

They die.

Jinu goes silent then he’d get angry.

He’d feel like the whole sacrifice thing must’ve just been a joke since they obviously just popped up looking completely fine.

“You look fine for someone who got burnt into pieces right in front of me”

“Would you rather I crawl in here bleeding?” Rumi sassed back, eyes narrowed as she tried to understand just why he was so upset.

“I watched you die, Rumi. So tell me why you’re standing here like nothing happened.”

Ohhhhhh. Jinu’s lost and probably thinks the whole sacrifice thing was a stunt or something since all the girls look fine!

The lightbulb goes on in her brain.

“I thought I was gone for good too,” she admits. “Not sure how I'm here but i meant what I did, Jinu. I’d do it again even if it meant I wouldn’t come back”

The two just stare each other before Jinu pulls her into a hug. 

“Take me with you next time. Living without you is hard”

Getting Forced Into Society

The girls adjust quick.

Lounging in the Saja Boys’ dorm like they own it. 

Mira has her legs up on Abby’s desk as she watches fan videos and theories about what must’ve happened to the girls to make them disappear.

“Someone thinks we were holograms,” she laughs before stopping to look at the boys. “What's a hologram?”

Zoey was poking around in Mystery’s lyric notebook, reading everything he had ever written for her since the day she disappeared.

Mystery is trying not to die of embarrassment. 

Rumi is petting Derpy, the tiger, like he’s her pet.

He might as well be.

Jinu is seething out of jealousy. “That should be me.”

“You’re getting jealous of a tiger?” Abby side eyes him (like ur one to talk 😑).

Baby walks in with food and immediately tries to back out. 

“I’m not dealing with this today.”

Zoey flips her hair and follows him, smirking “C’mon Baby~ You know you missed us”

Rumi and Mira nod in agreement with her words, they missed teasing the guy.

“I hate all of you,” he’d grumble before flopping beside Mira and watching theories with her.

Zoey eventually joins them, she refuses to give Mystery his lyric book back and so he follows her.

All four of them are chilling on the couch.

Mira, abusing her influence, somehow gets Abby and Romance to bring all of them snacks.

Both boys are competing against each other and they don’t even notice.

Rumi is watching them in amusement, and Jinu is watching Rumi.

In this au, Jinu was the one with the Choo Choo pants and Rumi bullied him for it.

Rumi would wear the pants here, after much teasing from Jinu, only because she didn’t have any clothes to change into.

Totally not cause she secretly found them cute or anything…

“So,” she’d turn to him, “what did you do while I was gone?”

“Sleep, eat, miss you, dance, practice, think about you, cook, dream about you, go live, write about you-” Rumi interrupts him by throwing a pillow at his face.

Fan Reactions (Because They’re Public Again)

Time to redebut into kpop society again!!!

Everyone is quivering in their pants because tf you mean the random girl group that appeared, dropped 3 BANGERS, won the idol awards, (almost took all of their souls not that they’d know or anything) have come back???

They’d drop a new album called like Armageddon. 

The girls would eat up “Armageddon” by Aespa

Actually feel like a decent amount of aespa songs would suit them.

Other honorable mentions!!! “Bewitched” and “Swan Song” by PIXY (they have unfortunately disbanded ☹️) “Egoistic” by Mamamoo 🥰

The whole thing is terrifying in a good way

The boys watch all their stages from behind the scenes, or they hide in the crowd but have been caught multiple times because Mystery and Romance are not subtle about their huge crushes.

“She looks even hotter than before. How is that allowed?”

Mira would give a little wave to the camera, knowing they were watching. Abby waves back then realizes she cannot see him amongst the huge crowd 💀

Whenever Rumi sings, she proudly shows off her patterns (feel like in this au she too would be a half demon but so would Jinu). They’re glowing and everything, fans chalk it up to special effects but Jinu is so flustered cause she looks so fineeeeee.

Ship Wars Are Back

Zoeystery

Zoey goes live one day with the Moonies (name i made up after Honmoon lol) and one of em point out a VERY familiar book in the background.

It’s Mysterys.

She picks it up and shows it to the camera, not opening it or reading it for them obvi. 

“A really good friend of mine gave this to me” she smile sweetly to the fans, she knows hes is watching. 

Miromabby

These two are in a constant war for her attention.

Mira doesn’t even plan on choosing, she knows she has both of them under her control.

However, she would make them compete for her affection just for entertainment.

“Watch this,” she’d tell the girls before turning to the boys, holding an incredibly cute lunch bag. “Romance got me lunch.”

“I made it myself!” The man perks up at his name being called. 

“That’s nothing, I cooked her breakfast” Abby would counter.

Fighting ensues.

Rujinu

Jinu sits Rumi down and forces her to record free with him.

It’s not for the fans or anything, its just for them to listen to whenever they miss each other.

It’s all laughs and smiles in the production studio, Jinu refused help from anyone, only wanting it to be them.

They definitely shed a few tears, the lyrics just got so real.

They’d be on the couch, Rumi all snuggled up next to him with her legs over his. She’d be asking about a bunch of human stuff. 

Since she’s back to stay she might as well learn.

Jinu isn’t really listening and just stares at her.

She looks at him in slight confusion and amusement, “Can’t focus?”

“Never can when I’m around you,” he’d kiss her. 

Baby could not care less. He's happy his band members are happy.

All In All

The girls survived

The boys survived

Everyone is alive.

They’re back

Bobby is ecstatic

No one in the kpop industry is safe from both of these absolute powerhouses.

[sad-wet-cat-hannibal]

do you have any comfort show recommendations?

All of my current ones are at real sad arcs and I need something funny thats not looney tunes, hannibal, the office, suits, house, sonic and better call saul

(Cause I have cried profusely with all these shows or am currently watching it or is my usual go to but as mentioned previously are at sad arcs)

hihi! Ah man. What do I watch for comfort... I think I tend to gravitate towards films more than shows so let me know if you want them too! I'll have way more.

Taskmaster is probably my go to. It's VERY hard to watch Taskmaster and come away feeling worse than when you started. I'm only on S8 and it gets better every series. Alex and Greg are brilliant and it's just so silly and often wholesome. I don't laugh much at all these days but TM gets me laughing til my chest hurts. I think S1-S7 are free on YouTube, otherwise you can watch all series for free on Channel 4's own website (might need a VPN).

Elementary can be emotional (and since it's a detective show potentially triggering at times) but it's a lovely comforting show that centers a QPR the whole way through and I love how tender and meaningful the character and relationship development is. However there are really sad arcs.

Sherlock is kind of a guilty admission, it's been ages since I watched it and idk how I'd feel about it now, but there's a lot of nostalgia for me. And there are some sads but I find the writing style too flippant to let them really hit. I end up feeling more effected by the dismissive tone of the writing than I do the actual events.

Ouran High School Host Club is smth I revisit every so often. Comedy, no sads.

Oh!!!! Star Trek! Especially Deep Space Nine and Voyager. DS9 has more comedy than Voyager, which tends to be more dramatic/angry from what I remember. In DS9 there's a lot of hijinks and fun characters to see interacting.

Fleabag is probably my favourite thing to rewatch atm, although depending on what subjects are most emotionally activating for you it might not be a good fit; that said I find the writing very funny, the way the main character talks to the camera/audience like we're going through it with her is 10/10. There are YouTube compilations of the funniest stuff and if it floats your boat I say go for it.

Lost In Austen is a modern fangirl ending up in Pride & Prejudice while Elizabeth Bennett takes her place in the modern world, and though it's original and funny, it's also THE most intense second hand embarrassment I have ever experienced for another person, real or fictional. 10/10 I love and hate it, it haunts me, I will never know true rest. Incredible fuel for fanfic to my mind. It deserves to be better known. Wins the award for Most Off-putting Adaptation of the Most Off-putting Character (Mr. Collins).

Ghosts (BBC) gets an honourable mention because I've been wanting to watch it for years. Made by the people behind the legendary Horrible Histories. Definitely comedy! Horrible Histories itself is also a great comfort watch! Think kid friendly modern Monty Python.

OH OH I REMEMBERED ANOTHER ONE - Deadlock!!! Very funny feminist comedy spin on crime dramas (specifically Broadchurch). 10/10 I laughed repeatedly, it's great. Tall straight-laced lesbian cop teams up with incredibly butch straight gremlin detective to annoy/help each other and catch a serial killer.

[allurasbian]

scrolling through your blog really has me writing fanfic for the first time in years for transbian kallura like pleasseeee (smt smt the way they both resemble a certain kind of grief, clinging to their respective pasts and their idea of who they should be for others & recognising that within the other and. theyre both lesbians. Unwell.). anyway would LOVE to know more of your transbian kallura thoughts if you have any more headcanons still rattling around <3 (also. Thoughts on butch allura & fem keith? I know everyone raves for the reverse but I think allura deserves to find comfort in her fathers tunics & to step away from the lost title of princess which carries its own kind of grief & resembles who she used to be. And fem keith. Well. The leggings & gogo boots are right there as you say)

this ask is fucking awesome ^^ btw. hey this is fucking awesome. ive never been good and just dropping headcanons TBH what you saw was like the result of yearssssss of pentup thoughts in my mind I LIKED YOUR FIC SO MUCH THOUGH !!!!!!!!

like shoutsout to catching that 'im probably trans but i have a job' is straight up kind of a sad heartbreaking perspective... i saw the tv glow is horror for a reason !!! & i liked the framing of grief the contrast between having nothing left or being surrounded by it.. & also the imagery of leaning her head down to feel longer hair . really vivid and great. ALSOOO fwiw im transgirl pidge brained but i thought it was clear from what you wrote that that was how she was portrayed. something in there about . omg im mind melding this with being seen by rustedspire... 'am i transphobic' in her envy of pidge knowing who she was from so young...

ALSOOOOO i hadn't considered everyone knowing before keith TBH!!!! i always think of her as such a private person that i didn't even consider the impact of mind melding :sob: BUT what a good piece of hunk dialogue in there <3333

ofmg ok . as per for butch allura and femme keith :thinking:..... a very new idea to me. not opposed! its super super funny to me to be like 'everyone raves about the reverse' bc ive been TORMENTEDDD by how rare kallura let alone gay kallura is.. we are doing this you and i

wrt keithhhh & potential femmeness i think some good points exist in catherine s ramirez' book the woman in the zoot suit which i think covers a lot of really interesting ground about like, alienation (as experienced by mexican americans) & femininity and gender nonconformance and how those two things aren't like diametrically opposed.... she compares like two plays by the same woman in which the respective pachuca character participating in the same style and subculture is a butch in one and a maligned ultrafeminine straight woman in the other. also an article that is not a full fucking book was this that i liked. ummm much to consider! also, like, alienation as in the social punishment for being gaytrans or autistic or traumatized or what have you.. all what's im saying is there's a reason aliens are a popular metaphor for marginalization since 1938 with miss universe's space judaism in superman

SIDE NOTE: i don't like when people attribute keith's personality TO being an alien... i think she felt isolated and alone and different .for a variety of reasons and was ALSO an alien.. imo most satisfying conclusion here is that she was searching for the why in being alien but found instead the solution in bonding with other gay women ! earth or space lesbians she understood herself better through bonding with allura and pidge...

BUT ABOUT ALLURA.... ive long thought of her as that meme thats like. let me recreate it

ppl: femmes are straight passing

femmes:

BUT LET'S TALK ABOUT IT I'M INTRIGUED... what a fun little dimension to add to her grief and how she feels about like preserving her culture... IMO a lot of culture exists Not Just in preserving traditions but in the tension between being familiar with those traditions and promoting them and the ways people step outside of the norm... long standing tradition exits of wink-wink-nudge rebellion. but allura was only like 18 when she lost everything! she's not guaranteed to know that or at least to be comfortable with that & she's so scaredddd imo of losing what she had

i thought A LOTTT about like imo coran being silly lends itself to being into breaking cultural "laws" and allura would be much more staunch about preserving the things that she grew up around. particularly her concern about altean femininity i think would come through as a trans girl (because i think she is!) .. it'd be a hell of a moment realizing how well it fits to also be into altean masculinity in performance. the layers going on.. i could get into it. very fun. IMO she might get into sort of saturday night butch vibeszz where she's got a different set of rules for date nights vs formal events vs casualness... lets go dandy lez allura

personallyyyyy i haven't considered keith particularly femme either! jeans and t shirt girl or the androgyny of emoalt styles... saturday night femme perhaps because absolutelyyyy i think there are parts of femininity that are bright and exciting to her.

THIS IS ALL SO DANGEROUS EVERYONE IS MAKING ME WANT TO REWATCH THE PARTS OF THIS SHOW THAT I LIKED AND GET MY FEELINGS HURT AGAIN !!!!! IT'S ONLY BEEN LIKE A YEAR SINCE I DID THAT LAST !!

[mamamittens]

Playing through Veilguard again is doing wonders for feeding the brain worm currently attempting to shit out what is rapidly looking to be a perhaps 300k~ fic by the end (based on the playlist I've been using as a guide while writing where I'm 1/5th of the way through the whole thing and my current progress).

Mainly it would be REALLY FUNNY if they get all the way to Lucanis settling into his 'room' and the end dialogue basically for Nyla to realize she STILL HADN'T TOLD HIM ABOUT HER WHOLE SITUATION.

Look, a lot happens lol, and it seemed like a bad idea to spill that in the Ossuary and immediately after discovering his grandmother's 'death'. Not to mention Nyla knows not to say shit in front of Illario just yet (also, he has both an undercut and a manbun, what an interesting choice of style... Not that I can talk, it's not that far off from my own hair last year or so lmao).

Anyway, she almost starts telling him before realizing that THE DEMON OF VYRANTIUM, CURRENTLY PSEUDO POSSESSED HIMSELF, MAY NOT REACT WELL TO BEING HIRED BY SOMEONE ALSO POSSESSED. And may, in fact, find it sus as hell she was all like "I get it, but u know u can't avoid sleep forever dude, please let us help"

So she quickly runs to get Neve to help explain/protect her if he tries to stab her ass and gets spooked to shit to see he followed her and heard her talking.

"Hey, Nyla, what's the rush?"

"Nevey-Baby, please help me not get merced by a paranoid assassin--we forgot to tell him! About me!!!"

"What about you?"

"SONOFABITCH-- YOU SPOOKY BASTARD! God damnit--okay, you got me good there--fuck me sideways dude a little warning!"

And Neve is trying very hard not to laugh her ass off because Nyla is genuinely panicking that she'll be murdered by a half starved, malnourished top assassin in her sleep--if she's lucky.

"If you're worried I'll kill you for being a mage, I only kill contracts and people who stop me from killing my contracts. And you, are my employer." Nyla is just nervously smiling.

"Well, I certainly won't be stopping you from any of that but--oh boy howdy this is unfortunate, I thought I was done with the painfully awkward explaining to twitchy assassins."

"...does it have to do with the strange way you talk for a de Riva Crow, Viago's apprentice at that?"

"Sharp as a tack, I see. Yeah. It does. Uh..." She looks to Neve who is, as usual, no help when it comes to not looking crazy explaining shit. "We've got a lot more in common than you think. But uh, not technically me and you, but only sorta Spite and I?"

Lucanis just stares at her like she's lost her damn mind.

"...are you saying you're a demon?" She can't see but Spite is losing his mind and wondering if that's why Nyla 'feels half there' or something close.

"No, I'm an accountant. Depending on your point of view, that's worse somehow."

Lucanis just gives her that massive "WTF" look as he processes that.

"Think of it as subletting a contract. When we kill the gods, the real Rook comes back home and I go back to my own world. Which, no, isn't the fade. We don't have magic and all that where I'm from. Some strange, sad god is created originally if Rook stayed as she was, but they don't want to exist so they swapped us. It's weird, I know. I'm sorry about that."

"...and a full Crow could not work because....?"

"Uh, it's not clear to me, but apparently this whole shindig requires a lot of trust and compassion--"

"Ah, so not a Crow then. How bad could it be?"

"Bad enough a fully powered god would rather die than be created, apparently." Neve finally pipes up. "Doesn't hurt she knows the future. Won't share a lot, we're trying to keep the timeline intact since rushing the gods won't help us any."

"Thanks for finally pitching in, Nevey-love."

And basically Lucanis was basically entertaining this until now because it's low-key not his business if his employer is kinda batshit, which really smacks him in the face when Treviso gets attacked AS SHE WARNED HIM by a blighted ice dragon.

Him and Neve both have massive "oh SHIT" moments despite knowing ahead of time cause neither could really comprehend the devastation until it was in their face basically.

[novelhater]

finished the last of the wine by mary renault

i ended up having horrible fever dreams about everything i read while i was sick, particularly about this book, which is why it took me so long to finish. i had this terrible dream wherein the main character heard word of his lover's death over and over and over again for what felt like an endless amount of time. it would not stop. and when i woke up i felt nauseated just thinking about reading it or anything else for ages.

but i didn't really know what to do with myself when i wasn't reading. i very nearly became productive. it was a close thing.

anyway we're taking a dive back into fujo herstory for this one. mary renault moved to south africa in the 50's, where she could live more freely with her female lover and write books primarily about gay men in ancient greece. amazing. she objected to being called a lesbian but we recognize an icon regardless of the specific words used to describe her. mary renault walked so... well there haven't been any true western fujo greats to be honest. they all kind of suck. maybe we should get on that and stop letting down her legacy. chop chop start running.

(as an aside, apparently tolkien tutored her and suggested that she write medieval historical fiction [so says wikipedia], which to my mind is kind of like having a massively successful furry artist suggest you try drawing cat portraits.)

the way i got these books is also just *chefs kiss*. my mom gave them to me a few years back, in a box full of other books she was passing off to me. when i opened one of the mary renault novels, an unsent postcard from santorini fell out. that's where my parents had their honeymoon. i can't precisely convey how this made me feel without giving a complete autobiography of my life and my parents' lives before mine, so i will just surmise with the quaint and adequate phrase: 'tickled pink.'

the blurb on the back, written in 1975, starts with

'Alexias, a young Athenian of good family, reaches manhood during the last phases of the Peloponnesian War, a time not unlike our own, when people born to a heritage of security and power felt the structure of their lives being undermined by forces they but dimly understood.'

which i thought was a bit funny. maybe all times are like that, from one perspective or another. maybe that's just how change feels in any time, at any place - like cataclysm. and things are always changing. for this specific moment, well, a great deal of this novel is about democracy under threat. so. yknow. moving wearily on.

renault's writing style is, in general, plain and unpretentious, which gives it all the more power when she suddenly whacks you over the head with a line like

'I had made his memory live for him, and he had made it live for me. So we stared, both of us, with an inward eye, seeking blindness again.'

they come up unexpectedly from time to time and make you stumble and pause. you have to stop and chew.

in general she's fairly subtle, at least compared to a lot of contemporary writing. she doesn't spell things out and portions of the story can only be inferred based on what alexias doesn't tell us. but she trusts you to do that work, which is something i wish more contemporary authors would learn to do again. it's okay if the reader doesn't get it. a story doesn't always need to be a clearly drawn map. sometimes it's fine if it's a forest where you can wander in, get lost, and fail to see every tree and rock before you make it out the other side.

the last of the wine is partly a love story, and partly a coming of age story, and partly also a history - of both a fictional person and a real society. probably for all of those reasons combined there is an intense nostalgia for people and places you've never met or been. it reminded me a little of how i felt reading never let me go, with a perpetual bittersweet anticipation for an ending i instinctively knew would be sad. but maybe all stories told as retrospect are like that by nature. (knowing even a basic amount of greek history also helped.)

although this book is definitely an artifact of fujo history, i don't really recommend it to the vast majority of contemporary fujos. you just can't go into it with high minded ideals of romance and true love, not even the tragic kind. the main characters sleep with women and this is normal and getting jealous about it is considered weird and wrong. alexias' devotion to lysis is quite tame by our standards but the fact that he has to suppress and restrain his occasional fits of jealousy is a wild and profound kind of love for the setting. i had that fever dream about lysis dying and then as the book progressed i kind of started to hope he WOULD die for various reasons, and one of those reasons was that i knew if he didn't die that the two would eventually part ways in a very mundane and unromantic kind of way which is kind of worse.

but it got me thinking a great deal about the nature and evolution of love as a social construct. it's hard to really conceptualizes in our era which is absolutely filled to bursting with Love Stories, but love as a desired life goal is a fairly modern concept. when you think about the vast majority of human history and the way in which familial relationships were so carefully created and maintained, it feels obvious that ancient (and even not-so-ancient) people would have thought about romantic and sexual love in way different ways than we do. the idea of being 'in love' and acting in service to this feeling as a baseline for your life is really quite radical compared to all of that...

overall i definitely recommend reading this one when you are not horribly ill and also maybe in a frame of mind not anticipating a love story at all. which would make the softer elements all the more tender and also be more true to the effect of love on the human soul in real life anyway.

[moreteethplease]

Devlog: The Museum of Found Things

> Play it here!

Your search for something you've lost leads you to a strange little museum. Stay a while and browse; who knows what you may find?

The Museum of Found Things is a short bitsy game where you explore a rather strange and unusual museum—a place where lost things just might go. It was made for the BITSY FEST jam.

Devlog under the cut.

Choosing A Concept

When I saw the theme of the game jam, "museum", my mind began spinning with ideas almost immediately.

My first idea was to make a game with the concept that everyone carries a museum inside of them, filled with their experiences and memories. If you're lucky, someone might let you visit their museum, and you have to take care of your own museum and curate it if you want to let people in. This was more in line with the stuff I tend to make: prose accompanied by visuals and a heavy-handed metaphor.

But my last few bitsy games have all been like this, and they've been fairly sad or serious, so I wanted to do something just a little different. I toyed with the idea of making the museum a very lighthearted, joke-filled experience. I considered forgoing the whole museum thing and making it more of a cabinet of curiosities linked to one strange and eccentric person. Ultimately, though, I felt that these were too similar to my previous games.

I was lying in bed on vacation with my partner when a song began to play in my head: "The Place Where Lost Things Go" from Mary Poppins Returns. I thought, what if it was a museum of lost things? I mulled it over, but I felt that this concept was somewhat overdone already, and I didn't want to just rip everything from a musical song.

I talked about this with my partner, and he said something about how if they're in a museum, they can't really be that lost anymore. This clicked everything into place for me. It would be a museum filled with things that are found, whether because they're always getting misplaced or because they've were lost long ago and finally rediscovered. And thus, The Museum of Found Things was born.

Making The Game: The Rooms

I made the game by first determining the rooms in the museum and what each one was meant to represent. I really can't help myself with metaphors, you see.

I decided that each museum room should look almost exactly the same except for its star display in the center of the room. This made it much faster to make each room, as I just needed to copy sprites and add dialog to them.

Most of the rooms are adequately explained via both text and subtext, but I wanted to highlight my favourite exhibit. In the fourth room, which is dedicated to things that are found renewed and reclaimed, is a glass display case featuring replicas of people's tattoos. This is meant to signify feeling like your body is yours again, and I tried to illustrate that clearly: one has a Medusa tattoo, one has a semicolon tattoo, and the final is one half of a pair of top surgery scars.

Outside of the museum, I added a small grave dedicated to a former partner who passed away. I thought it would be amusing to write the epitaph on the tombstone in the style of Lemony Snicket's Dismal Dedications. I think she'd find it funny.

Making The Game: Everything Else

Writing-wise, I tried to keep the tone light, even when heavier subjects were discussed. The heaviest and most serious exhibits I allowed to speak for themselves.

I always like using borksy hacks to do all sorts of fun stuff, and this time around, I used it to allow me to edit rooms from textboxes so the curator's sprite only becomes interactable after a player has examined everything in the room. I also used borksy to allow dialog choices. I remember the first time I used the dialog choice hack for my game Making Tea At The End Of The Universe. It wasn't too difficult, but it took a bit of trial and error. I'm so proud of the fact that this time I had no trouble with it at all!

I had trouble with the curator sprite. I wanted them to be memorable and strange without being too detailed and taking away from the relatively simple museum rooms. After a lot of unhappy reworking, I remembered I'd downloaded some 16x16 fantasy sprites by kcaze a while ago, and they're all free to use! I chose a djinn sprite and adapted it, adding animation as well so the curator appeared as lively as their personality.

Sadly, I couldn't find any music that I felt truly fit the vibe of the game better than silence did, so the game is silent for now. I doubt I'll change that, but hey, you never know.

Well, thank you for reading this! If you're interested in playing the game, check it out here!

[kliunkii]

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚. specific memories / personal lost media ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

❀episode 2 - goanimate❀

prepare your assets cuz im about to write a whole ass book about this subject.

i could not tell you the exact date when i started using goanimate, but it's in the 2013-2014 bracket. my first videos were kinda shit and not very interesting and they dont even exist in my mind anymore. ( i was like 10 years old at the time ). but i made so so so so soooooooooo many videos... it was a weird form of self-expression for myself, i could make jokes and characters that only i would find funny. i was very much autistic and i saw what sort of content other goanimators made at the time and i was impacted by that type of humour + youtube poop's were also still popular + mlg videos were at it's prime + loud=funny type of comedy was funny. so plenty of my videos were just incoherent randomxd humour with very loud noises and visuals.

buy at some point between 2014-2016(?) i started showing the videos i made to my cousin and he found them funny. i was so motivated to create more funny videos just to impress him and make him/us laugh. i mainly used the "chibi" and "stickman" animation style to make episodes about me and him partaking in slice-of-life/sitcom scenarios or even adventures. i used the polish text-to-speech function and had to write down subtitles for each line because the tts was so hard to understand xddd the characters spoke in lithuanian and it resulted in a very funny "accent".

i swear to god i made so many episodes with so many different inside jokes and plots that i can barely remember anything. at some point, later on in 2015/2016 ( istg i cant even remember anymore ) i found out that goanimate had the option to upload your own images to the video editor and that made me go crazyyyyyyy. i started making PNG's of real life pictures of me and my cousin + other people i knew irl. i also started recording actual voice lines with my shitty speaker/microphone aparatus and it made everything so much more authentic. i remember not knowing how to download and upload mp4's at the time, so i would turn on the recorder and put my microphone up to the speaker and play music/meme soundclips on youtube xddddd

not gonna lie i got so good at editing on that site... i knew so many different animation techniques and did so many layers of stuff xD it was honestly such a joy, everyday i would make an episode or two and would write my cousin ( who lived in the same apartment as me, but on the first floor ) to come over to my house and we would watch the video i just made scooched together by the desktop. its such a sweet memory for me because this is something that i experienced exclusively with my cousin and noone else ( and i was kind of terrified of anyone finding out about these videos because i was lowkey making fun of REAL LIFE PEOPLE i knew in REAL LIFE and used REAL LIFE PNG IMAGES OF THEM in the videos which is very stupid but i was a literal stupid child so i didn't know any better xddddd ). this is a very nostalgic topic for me because i've kind of lost contact with my cousin since 2018 and we basically dont even talk anymore, but im not sad or bitter about it, because we have grown up into adults and have moved on, but he was my very best friend and i'll always love him for that /p

the thing that i AM bitter about is the fact that every single one of those videos that i made are now lost media. gone forever. untracable. because at some point in 2017/2018 my account just fucking died.

you see, i kinda somehow broke the subscribtion system? as far as i know, goanimate had a "free trial" whenever you made a new account, for 14 days i think. and i don't know how i managed this, but i made an account in 2013(?) and my account just bugged and let me make videos forever xDDDDD just one big problem... due to the bug i was allowed to only make 2 minute videos, if it went over 2 minutes, then the videos wouldn't save. so i had so make very fast-paced episodes with continuations :ddddd

there was always a big red wall of text above my videos saying something along the lines of "this account will be shut down in __ days, so buy a membership", but it never happened so i just thought that i got lucky and my account got bugged xd

but TOO BAD, at some point in 2017? my account just got shut down. the whole thing. gone. forever. no way to retrieve it. along with every single one of my videos. i remember having like 20 pages of videos :)))))

and then, as we all know, goanimate as a whole shut down in 2019. but even if the website is archived on the wayback machine or whatever, there is no chance to ever see my videos again, because i remember privating account near the end of my account's deletion.

there are no reuploads anywhere, but i do remember recording 1 episode with my phone and sending it to a friend on messenger in 2017/2018? but yeah good luck finding that, especially since THAT messenger account has been deleted as well xD

i remember the moment i realised that everything was gone and i was so sad. i made new accounts to use the free trials for, but it just wasn't the same, i was starting to become a teenager and it felt embarrassing to do any of that silly shit anymore. and the videos would just disappear later on anyways.

bro the things i would do to watch my entire collection of videos for one last time..... i would pay big money.... ( no i wouldnt but i would... maybe i would maybe........ )

it's such a staple of how my humor evolved with time and just such a big part of my childhood.

now the next thing i want to talk about is the current/modern goanimate community, which, FIRST OF ALL, confuses me very much - how the fuck are yall using goanimate??? isnt the site?? fuckin dead??? how are yall making videos on it??? is there like a downloadable rewritten version somewhere online???? i doubt ill get an answer so let's just say that im questioning the powers above.

theres a lot of jokes and a whole ass community of people who ironically enjoy watching those "grounded" videos ( me included ). Deadwingdork and his community would refer to this phenomenon as "u s e r s" and im rlly fascinated by it. And theres always the question of "wtf is wrong with these people and why do they keep making the exact same video all the time just with slightly different characters", and the answer to that is kinda boring and expected, but it's just autism xD

i would even say that i was a part of that community back when i started making goanimate videos, i was intrigued by the "repetition" of it all, the comforting way i could foresee what will happen in the videos is a thing that alot of autists can relate to. and now, as a 21 year old, it is so surreal seeing children still making goanimate videos to this day, like i used to, and seeing how much people laugh at them or find them ironically entertaining ( again, i am one of those people ). and it makes me think of how the internet would've reacted to my goanimate videos if they were ever publicized xddd. i genuinely find these videos cute, its just autistic people finding comfort in repetition. ofc its weird when the videos turn into PUNISHMENT COMPILATIONS where Caillou gets his peenur cut off, but thats just part of what makes it so bizzare and hilarious.

i love seeing and only now realising why goanimate/vyond/whatever tf its called now is so popular between neurodivergent people, because i was interested in this media before i ever even considered being one of them.

[epersonae]

in re: Yet another writing ask 3, 15, 30

3. How would you describe your writing style?

I have the worrrrrrrst time describing things about my own writing, but I think what I aim for is vivid and incisive. I've been told, about some of my favorite writing, that it's introspective.

15. What's your favourite plotless fic you have written?

the first one that actually came to mind is an old one, one of my Adventure Zone fics, and unfortunately it's not a fun or funny one, but the short and achingly sad Don't forget to remember. but it's very important to me as both a piece of writing, something that came out of a very difficult time in my life, and something that was a touchstone for a particular kind of feeling.

(two fun alternatives: A Portrait With Feeling (TAZ) and Oh no he's hot (OFMD))

30. Describe a fic that almost happened, but then it didn't.

I have a bunch of probably-permanently-abandoned TAZ WIPs/ideas, where I got partway in and lost steam, got sidelined, whatever. It's possible that I'll come back to them someday, especially if/when I relisten, but it feels unlikely at this point. The ones that haunt me most:

Merle Highchurch teaches yoga during the Stolen Century

Taako visits Burnsides Island after Lucretia's death (this one is the most likely for me to come back to imho)

post-canon Lupcretia (and actually there's a whole series that I had outlined in my head that Ryn and I referred to as "the dramaz" that was going to fill in some of the gaps between Story & Song and where our post-canon collab picked up)

Fantasy Fast, Fantasy Furious (Hurley/Sloane backstory; I wrote the first chapter and then never came back to it)

And then for Amnesty: Kepler Teenage Wasteland, which is just fragments of teenage Duck that never quite acquired a plot

[yet another writing ask]

[redinbluee]

Chainsaw Man, ch 121

(Hi, I’ll start doing Chainsaw man updates/analysis for every chapter now since I rlly want to talk about it (I have no one to talk to about it irl, and I like to express my thoughts on things). I apologise for my poor grammar in advance- my writing style is rant-like and difficult to read, I hope it’ll get better as I do more of these. CSM has been my biggest interest for so long and I just love it soso much so feel free to talk to me about it anytime!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyways, to today’s chapter- (121, Theory of Happiness) Spoiler warning!!

I’ll start with the title. This is probably my favourite title so far, not only does it summarise the message of the chapter well, it really resonates with me as well. It’s interesting to see how different people attain their happiness, while some people are constantly in a cheery mood, others might find it more difficult to gain happiness. Not only this, people attain happiness from all sorts of things. You can’t just ask someone to “be happy”, happiness is a naturally occurring emotional response that could not be forced. A lot of the recent chapters focus on relationships and how one may gain happiness through these connections. Asa is in a situation right now where is just so lonely, she has lost everyone in her life and is currently at a very low point. She gains happiness in the early chapters and then looses them in the blink of an eye. Her happiness is temporary, short lived. I feel terrible for her. Whereas Denji receives all this attention from groups of thirsty fans, but he seeks for a deep emotional connection- someone who is willing to accept the boy behind the facade and love him for who he really is. Asa has a high quality of life, there’s no evidence of her being broke, and she lives in nice conditions. But she is alone, her parents are gone- there’s no one she can talk to, no one to reassure her and tell her that she matters. Denji on the other hand, has lived a terrible life, and has lived in the worst of conditions. He was starving, broke, uneducated- but he was able to attain minimal happiness through the smallest of things, talking about his dreams with Pochita- finding small things in his life to be grateful of. I love this contrast that Fujimoto made. 

Interestingly, just a few days ago- I was talking with my mom. I was going through a depressive episode and I began talking about how I find it so difficult to attain my happiness. I’m financially stable, I have a great family, and I’m living a rather fortunate life- then why am I so sad all the time. I get all emotional over minor things, I worry too much and it tears me apart. And my mom agreed, she felt the same. I felt like a brat, a terrible child, I knew perfectly that there were people all around me suffering to much greater extents but I was only worrying about myself. This chapter came out at a perfect time. 

Asa lights up to the minimal attention someone gives her- she’s so starved from love it makes me want to cry. She gets so confident the moment Denji gives her the smallest compliment, and she quickly gets so emotionally affected by abandonment. It was also sad and funny to see how much Asa was trying to cope with her situation last chapter- I love her monologues and long-winded infodumps, I do the exact same. It makes me feel less alone. Asa struggles to admit that she desperately needs this love right now- her happiness almost depends on the people around her. She holds a distinct set of values that guide her through life without realising that she contradicts it- she makes up he mind that she prefers isolation then immediately gets all flustered when Yoshida does the bare minimum. I wish she could realise how much she needs a secure friendship right now- Asa being so sad right now makes me want to disintegrate. 

The chainsaw plush on the first page was cute. I wonder who put it there- I bet it was Iseumi. There were several moments in the chapter that reminded me of the reoccurring theme of “fame” in CSM so far and I would like to elaborate on it. Just from the plush, we can see that Chainsaw Man is a famous and impactful figure in the world of CSM right now, there have been several mentions of Chainsaw Man merchandise so far- like the chainsaw man bun and stickers that were talked about in 98. There is also the chainsaw man open call that might occur soon. We have managed to get a glimpse about how the public views and treats Chainsaw man, we see all these false claims about him in 103- while some people almost objectify CSM and worship him like a god (cough cough Iseumi), some despise him. While Chainsaw man is constantly being showered with praise, and at the same time- hate. All of this is directed towards a figure who is entirely a facade. No one knows about the broke, single father boy that lies beneath the mask. A high schooler who is a loser, who is lonely, who is under the control of a demonic gremlin child at home. Yoshida mentioned the importance of “parasocial relationships” on the third page of today’s chapter, I found that interesting- it almost felt like Fujimoto was referring to his own audience. About their obsession with his characters, their obsession with him as a writer without knowing who he really is. The chainsaw man figure lies helpless, defensiveness on the couch, listening to Asa and Yoshida’s conversation- he hears everything, but does not have the power to interfere. That’s the same as Denji’s situation, he is literally Chainsaw Man, a highly recognised and appreciated figure- but he is unable to be recognised for his true self. He is under the control of two people- Yoshida, who prevents him from breaking this facade and revealing his true identity to the public. Denji first-handedly hears all this criticism about chainsaw man in 103, but is then immediately shut off when he tries to prove his point. Denji has no voice in society, no one listens to him, know one appreciates him for who he is. And Nayuta, someone who controls Denji’s relationships with people, shutting them out from his life and harming them. Despite Chainsaw Man getting all this fame, none of them is directed towards Denji. I think the next few chapters will heavily explore with his relationship with playing the role of Chainsaw Man- is it really worth it, pretending to be someone else your whole life just to feed of ungenuine praise? 

It was creepy to see a dead body fall from the sky while Asa was contemplating suicide. It was unexpected and impactful. 

This almost reminds me of Asa’s reoccurring dream. She runs through the corridor, trying to not step on the dead chickens that obstruct her path. She couldn’t help but step on them- getting close to the impending darkness that lies ahead. Asa walks across the path, clouded by her own thoughts. Then boom- dead person falls from the sky. Asa had no control over the situation, she just happened to be there when the dead body fell off. Same as the dream. The chapter ends with people staring down at her from a tall building- The gaze is intrusive, accusational. Almost as if Asa had just fucked up- then the chapter ends on this cliffhanger. (And we have to wait 14 days) 

The panelling was beautiful in this chapter, Fujimoto has done it again. The contrast between Denji and Asa’s expression on page 10 was (chef’s kiss). While Denji is trying to convince himself that Chainsaw Man will bring him happiness (a false sense of happiness), Asa looks awful- she looks so sad. I expect that Denji will get a reality check soon, then fall into Asa’s current position as well. 

Second coolest page was page 5, bravo Fujimoto. Dude built the suspense by zooming into Asa’s face and Yoshida’s lips then boom- (next page) Yoshida steps out of the closet and breaks the tension. Props for coming out

I’m getting tired, that’s it for now

Side note- I love how Nayuta slapped Denji’s ass ahhaaha

[cracked-pean]

The Note

Characters: Steve Harrington, Female!Reader

Word Count: 2,503

Warnings: None

A/N: So this was my first Stranger Things piece, but not my first Stranger Things post. There's a piece I just couldn't get right, but it was as good as it was going to get. So I hope you like it and I apologize for any errors. Enjoy!

When [Y/N] walked through the doors of the school that morning, saying she was nervous would be an understatement. The girl was terrified. Walking towards her locker, she paid no mind to anyone getting lost in her thoughts. She had finally built up the courage yesterday to finally tell her lifelong, well it feels like a lifetime, friend that she had feelings for him. Well, [Y/N] didn't actually speak to him. She had written it out in a letter and had given it to him. Writing it out was a lot easier for her than telling him in person. She knew she wouldn't be able to tell him everything she needed to face to face. She'd sike herself out and book it.

She knew the outcomes that could happen from her confessing. He could feel uncomfortable and just ignore her the whole day and the rest of their lives, that would be an answer in itself already. He could reject her and then realize it would be weird to continue their friendship. He could reject her, keep the friendship but she wouldn't be able to handle it and distance herself. All the outcomes just had him gone from her life one way or another and she didn't want that to happen. But she also couldn't keep this bottled up either. She had to try. Her mind would just be full of all the 'what ifs' running around if she didn't. He was such a great guy. He was sweet, caring, funny and awesome to have in your life. And she's risking having such a wonderful friend leave her life forever.

Once [Y/N] opened the locker she quickly exchanged her take home items with the ones she would need for her first couple classes. She had told him not to read the note till he got home and to meet her at her locker the next morning. Her stomach started doing flips and her hands shook as the memory hit her again. She couldn't do this. What was she thinking? It's too late now. The damage was done. All she could do now was to quickly leave her locker and head to her class before he was supposed to meet her.

When she closed her locker she jumped back wide eyed, letting out a yelp in surprise.

It was too late.

There waiting for her was Steve Harrington, with a raised fist ready to knock on her locker door.

"Woah. Does my hair really look that bad? Listen, I tried styling it but it wasn't working with me today. So this is what we got."

She looked at his hair then gave him a puzzled look, "Steve, it's literally the same hairstyle you always wear."

"Of course it is," he ran a hand through his hair. "You actually thought I would stray from this beauty? I'm hurt [Y/N]." He mocked offended.

She smiled and shook her head at his foolishness. Despite the situation, he always seemed to put her nerves at ease. Even if he was the cause of them.

Wait. Why was he talking to her so casually? Did he not read the letter? Maybe he didn't. He probably forgot to and he's going to tell her that and that he'll look at it later today. Maybe he lost it. Maybe his dog ate it.

Wait. He doesn't have a dog.

Maybe this is probably one of the outcomes she had thought could happen. Yeah. He's probably going to let her down and try to move forward from this. God, as much as that would hurt, she hopes that's the result from all of this. He'd still be around and she'd just have to work really hard to get rid of her feelings for him. Damn, that's gonna suck.

Whatever would happen she was about to find out. [Y/N] met his gaze and noticed that his smile had fallen a bit. She couldn't tell why though. He didn't seem upset or sad or any of that. It was just a neutral he had as he stared at her for a few seconds. His eyes widened slightly, realizing why they were there for specifically.

He looked down at his pants, padding around until he found what he needed from his back pocket. It was a small, folded up notebook paper.

Her letter.

"So I read this," he started. "But I don't know what you want me to do with it."

What?

"What?" She was confused. What did he mean he didn't know what to do with it?

"Yeah. You said to read it and meet you here in the morning with an answer. But I don't know what kind of answer you want from me with a list of your groceries."

What the hell? Her groceries list? That's not the note she gave him.

He began to unfold it and read it out loud to her.

"Carton of eggs, gallon of milk, saltine crackers, bread, oil, butter, flour. Did you want me to get these for you or like tell you what you could make with these? Because I think you could make a delicious choco-"

She snatched the piece of paper out of his hands, cutting him off.

"What the hell? That's not what I," her voice trailed off. "Gave you."

But it was in fact what she had given him.

It was her letter. Her handwriting. Her words. Her confession.

Stunned, [Y/N] looked up at him and saw him leaning on his shoulder against the lockers. Smiling back at her laughing softly.

"Steve you jerk. That's not funny."

She turned on her heels and began walking to her class. She blindly opened her textbook on a random page and stuffed the letter in it and slammed it shut. She didn't want to look at it anymore. She wanted it out of her sight and forget it ever existed.

Behind her, Steve caught up to her and attempted to stop her by trying to hold on to her arm.

"No, hey. Wait!"

She nudged her arm away from him and kept walking. She was hurt and had every right to be. She poured her heart out in that letter and for him to just joke about it like that. It made her feel like he didn't care about her feelings. As if she was just another random girl at school trying to get his attention.

"[Y/N] wait," he appeared in front of her and held onto her shoulders. He tried to meet her gaze but she would turn away, avoiding his. He gently held her face and turned it to look at him. But she had her eyes closed, still refusing to look at him.

Steve couldn't help but let out a small laugh at her reaction.

"Would you please look at me? I'm sorry alright. I didn't mean to upset you."

She shook her head and tried to get out of his hold. She would try using her hands but they were currently occupied.

"Just let it go. It doesn't matter anymore. I need to get to class."

"I can't because it does matter. Besides," he looks over at his watch. "We still have 6 minutes till class starts." He sighs, "[Y/N], c'mon please open your eyes," he gently rubbed his thumbs against her cheeks.

She didn't want to. She really didn't want to. His hold on her was so gentle and sweet that if she focused hard enough, it could make her forget that all of this was happening. That he wasn't just about to reject her and lose him. She didn't want to open her eyes because it would mean all of this was real.

And it was. So, she opened them.

Steve was so close to her. It wasn't new. She was used to this type of closeness from him. But she couldn't help but feel scared. This felt different now. It felt intimate.

"Alright, tell me then. I can handle it."

"I'm sorry. I thought I would make this not so awkward so I tried to play it off funny. Honest. The last thing I wanted was to make you upset."

She sighed as she ducked her head down.

"Yeah, I understand."

"Besides," he let his hands slide down her arms. "It's fun making the girl I like mad. She does this cute little nose scrunch that I find adorable on her."

[Y/N] shot her head up. Did she hear that right? She steps out of his grasp and looks at him. No. Is he serious?

"W-what? Are you serious?"

"Yeah, it's like this," he scrunches his nose while looking at his nose making him look cross eyed.

[Y/N] blinks, making a face and shakes her head. "No, before that."

Steve stood there with a shy grin, hands in his pockets and shoulders up to his ears.

"I like you too, [Y/N]."

"You do? Steve if this is another joke I-" she starts.

Steve quickly shuts her down and closes the small gap between them. He removes the books from her grasp and places them on the floor. He holds her hands and looks at her. His focus solely on her.

"I'm not joking this time. I wouldn't do that to you. Never you. You're my best friend [Y/N]. I've liked you since I can remember. Maybe since I first met you back in seventh grade. I just never thought you would feel the same. But then I read your letter," he glanced down at their hands and intertwined their fingers. His gaze moving back to her. "When I saw that you've felt the same way since that day too, I just about freaked. I couldn't believe it. I was waiting to read that this was all a joke or an "April Fool's' on the page. But then realized we were in February," [Y/N] chuckled at this which got a smile out of the boy. "And I knew this was real. I wanted to tell you sooner. But I was too much of a chicken. The more I put it off, the more I fell for you, the harder it was to tell you the truth and make a move. I got to know you even better since then. I got scared that I might lose the best girl I had ever met. I didn't want to risk it. I was willing to suffer in silence with you as my friend. Knowing you'd still be by my side."

[Y/N] couldn't believe what she was hearing. She didn't realize she was crying till a drop fell onto their joined hands. She quickly wiped her eyes and looked up to the ceiling, blinking quickly in trying to stop more tears from spilling.

"God, what does this make me look like then? That I don't care about our friendship? Selfish? I was scared too. I didn't want to lose you either. You have no idea how long I had thought about all the cons from telling you. In the end the 'what ifs' won.

"No, you're not selfish. Well, maybe a little," he teased.

She stepped back and punched his arm, "Steve!"

"I'm kidding!" He said laughing. Steve took a hold of her hands again and brought them close to wrap around his waist. He placed one hand on her waist as the other came up to her face and tucked away a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "It just says you have guts. You've always been a lot bolder and braver than me."

[Y/N] shakes her head shyly. She meets his eyes and stands there a moment taking it all in. Steve liked her. Actually liked her. All these years wondering what it would feel like to have him say the words back to her couldn't compare to the real deal. She was over the moon. The thought that she'd be able to hold him when she wanted without fear of making things awkward between them or feeling rejected in some way. The little dates they could have now. And the luxury to feel his kisses now. And her to kiss him.

"What do you say after school I take you out? Do this properly. We can go to that diner near the library. Couple burgers, couple milkshakes," he leans closer to her. "Couple kisses?" He whispers as he leaves a kiss on her cheek.

"Hmm," she one shoulders. "I like the food part. Not sure about the rest though. Kind of getting ahead of yourself aren't you Harrington?" She says leaning away slightly from their hold.

"What? You don't like my kisses?" He asks, raising an eyebrow.

[Y/N] giggles, "Well, I've never experienced any of your kisses. Officially."

"Ah, that just won't do. We have to change that immediately," Steve then places his hands on either side of her face. He slowly begins to lean in, closing his eyes as he got nearer.

Just then the bell rings, alerting all students to head to class. [Y/N] ducks down, out of his hold just before Steve gets a chance to seal their lips.

"Oh, there's the bell," She bends down to retrieve her books and turns in the direction of her class, speed walking away. "I'll see you later Steve," She waves, laughing at the boy's stunned reaction.

Steve blinked. It took him a second to comprehend what had just happened. He looked around trying to find the girl. When he caught a glimpse of her he took off after her.

"Hey, wait just a minute," he ran up behind her. A squeal escaped out of her when she felt his fingers make contact on her waist, bringing her close to his chest. He pressed a kiss to her neck then rested his chin on her shoulder and continued to walk like that. "At least let me walk you to class."

"I guess there's no harm in that." Once they had reached her class door, they stood off to the side.

"I'll see you later, yeah?" He asked, smiling.

"Wouldn't miss it. Now go, you're going to be late," She smiled pushing him away.

He grabbed her hand that was placed on his chest, pushing him away, and held on leaving their arms outstretched between them. In a quick motion, he pulled himself back towards her. He brought her face closer to his, peppering kisses all over causing the girl to laugh in the process. Steve finished it off with a final kiss on her nose.

"Alright. I'm going now," he said with a huge grin on his face, walking backwards in a surrendering motion.

[Y/N] shook her head at him and with a final wave towards him walked inside her class. Sitting down, she couldn't hide the grin on her face. She felt all warm and fuzzy. It finally happened. She confessed and it didn't end in a total disaster. Looking over at the clock above the chalkboard, she couldn't help but wish the day to be over before it even started.

She's got a date today.

[gallant-basilisk]

Lol okay so I got this funny idea or at least... it seemed funny to me in my head... welp so anyways imagine this: Reader calls yanderes TodoBakuDeku(poly) and Erasermic(Poly) by their full names and starts to glare at them when they don’t do something reader asked them to like maybe not doing the chore the darling asked them to?

Okay, so, before anything else!

I was planning to post another request first, but it takes a bit longer to write than I had thought, so I'm gonna go in order of easiest to hardest asks. ╮(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)╭

Or at the least, I'mma try to be more active. (Can't promise anything though, since I've been having a real bad headache this past week. 🙂)

I'm also experimenting with different styles, etc, so it may be a bit.. strange, I suppose. The wording, mostly.

But let's not waste any more time on this! Mainly because I don't think you're interested, so let me just get right to writing. (･ω･ )

·

·

·

(Edit: So, turns out.. I'm not very funny...? (ಠ_ಠ)>⌐■-■)

Yandere!TodoBakuDeku X Reader

·

You stood in the doorway with a scowl as you looke– glared at the three males, lazily spread out on the large couch, watching some old videos of you, that they found a couple days prior.

"Midoriya Izuku. Todoroki Shoto. Katsuki Bakugou." Each one turned towards you as they heard their names, a puzzled expression on their faces as they each tried to figure out why you would call them by their full names.

"[Last name] [First name]." Bakugo mimicked you with a smirk on his face. "What, Bakugou?" You scoffed and the male stared at you with a bewildered expression, his eyes wide open and mouth slightly agape.

"Hah!? What the fuck's your problem now?" He shot up from his seat and stalked over to you, trying his best to intimidate you.

Which would've worked before, but you're already used to his explosive personality. So you held your ground against the man, not phased by his form towering over yours. Or what it felt like him towering over you.

"I've asked you all to do something." You hissed at the blond and turned your attention to the other two behind him, standing a bit farther from you.

"Are you serious–" You cut Bakugou off before he could retort. "Yes. I asked you– you three to do one! One simple thing and even that, you can't do!" You spat at them, your finger accusingly poking Bakugou's chest.

You huffed and pushed the blond aside, who stood in shock. Although a small smirk did make its way onto his face, which he immediately covered with his hand.

Cute.

You stomped to the other two, who were quietly waiting for their own scolding.

"Do you want me to repeat the whole thing? Todoroki." You crossed your arms and narrowed your eyes at Todoroki, who glared at you in return.

"What do you mean, love?"

His tone was cold, but he was clearly distressed, or at least flustered as he glanced at the greenette for help. That was an useless attempt, seeing as Midoriya didn't even try to conceal his hurt expression, pouting and fiddling with his fingers stressfully.

"I took you for a smarter man." You huffed with a sad, almost mocking tone. "Why are you so angry, love?" You snorted and your arms flew open, successfully surprising the otherwise always calm and calculated man. "What do you mean why!?"

An uncomfortable silence enveloped the room, all four of you lost in thought. Neither of you wanted to go too far. They didn't mind to, though.

"You said it was one simple thing, so why can't we just do it now?" Hesitantly, he placed a hand on your shoulder, trying to ease your anger. "There's no need to get angry about this."

"Oh, really?" You slapped his hand away and stomped in front of him, your face just about not touching his as you repeated yourself once again. "Really!" It was unclear from your tone whether you were actually angry or just mocking, though it didn't really matter to the confused males.

You stepped back, Todoroki's form hunching forward in front of you and his head hung down, no word leaving his mouth to answer. His hair fell down, hiding his hurt and confused puppy-like expression, his shiny eyes warning of the tears threatening to escape.

Midoriya, though, could easily guess– even with his head filled with your angry voice and glare– what the bicolor haired male was thinking of.

"Midoriya!" The man jumped in surprise, whipping his head up and giving you his undivided attention. "Y-yes!" You pressed your lips firmly together, forming a thin line.

Truthfully, when it came to lecturing the three of them, Midoriya was the hardest to deal with. Because he's a cunning man, who can easily manipulate and control you, without you even being aware of it. Because he was always very timid and docile when it came to you or the other two man– but especially you– and you hardly ever found a reason to scold the pouty male.

You sighed and rubbed your head, unable to think of something to say. "Please don't be angry, puppy! I'm sorry!" He squeaked and bowed deeply, a pitiful look resting on his face as he peered up timidly. His plump lips pouted and tears welled on the corners of his eyes.

"Ugh– FINE!" You raised your voice and was about to turn around and leave the trio, when a pair of scarred arms wrapped around you and lifted you up into the air, making you yelp in surprise.

"Put me down! I didn't say I'll forgive you, you assho– Eep!" You winced as you felt a painful sting in your sides, and your eyes widened as you saw Todoroki's ice coated hands resting on your waist, the frozen cold digging into your skin.

Midoriya still held you in the air, an amused chuckle leaving his throat as you instinctively wrapped your legs around his torso, the bicolored male joining behind you, his arms fully wrapping around your stomach and his face buried in your back. "Tch!”

Bakugo clicked his tongue and ripped you away from the two, holding you in a protective hold. "Kacchan!" "Katsuki."

They really don't care what you think of them, unless it's something positive.

They called out with irritation, but it quickly dispersed as Bakugou ushered them to follow him– while dragging you with them– and the four of you returned to your big bedroom.

The bed was large enough for the four of you and since neither man wanted to separate from you for a single night, it was the only bed you used. And you'd lie if you said you didn't enjoy sleeping with them, you just didn't like not being given a choice.

It really didn't matter what you did, though.

Whether you were acting as a doting partner or a prisoner trying to escape, they just thought of you as their adorable lover.

You didn't have the choice of not forgiving them.

·

Yandere!EraserMic X Reader

·

Truly, it was a nightmare dealing with two entirely different personalities.

One was full of energy and refused to accept your scolding, only caring about the mere fact that you gave him your undivided attention. The other just outright switched the positions and refused to be questioned.

So, you weren't expecting much from the duo as you trudged your way to the kitchen, where they sat, discussing something hero-related.

"Aizawa Shota!" You slammed your hands on the table separating the three of you and huffed. The man in question arched a brow and hummed, while the blond let out an exaggerated gasp and smirked. "You're in trouble, aren't you?" He mocked and poked the raven haired man's shoulder.

"...Hizashi Yamada." You whipped your head to the male, whose smile froze onto his face in surprise.

"'Suppose I'm not the only one, huh.." Aizawa grumbled with a scratchy voice and his lips pulled into the slightest smile as he kept glancing between you and Hizashi.

"What's wrong, little songbird? Are we not giving you enough attention–?" He paused abruptly and shot up from his seat, wrapping his arms around you. "Don't worry, I'll give you all of my attention!" He grinned sheepishly.

"That's not what I wanted!" You spat angrily and struggled to push him off of you, only succeeding after Aizawa warned him. He stepped back and pouted, turning towards the other man.

"So, what's upsetting you now?" He spoke with a monotone voice, dark eyes searching your face for answers.

You crossed your arms and puffed your chest out, glaring harshly at the two men. "Favourite listener, are you perhaps... Bored? Lonely?"

"No, obviously."

You shook your head, missing the way they looked at each other and nodded their heads, as if they could communicate telepathically.

Aizawa stood up after a few more minutes of you just silently glaring at each other and leaned forward, his head so close to yours, you could already feel his breath against your skin. You got goosebumps as a hoarse chuckle of sorts left his throat, and gulped quite audibly.

Sure, you got used to living with the two males and dealing with their personalities, but you never really did get used to their other side. The ones they only showed to each other and now, to you. Namely, Aizawa's soft and perverted side, or Hizashi's chillingly cold and dominating nature.

Although, no matter how obvious your lack of determination was, you didn't exactly give in. Like you do any other time. They really loved this trait of yours, since it made it fairly easy for them to get you used to being their lover. That and your 'unexplainable' attraction to the two pro-heroes really made it incredibly easy to form a somewhat 'normal' relationship between them and you. [No, I don't mean the polyamory by 'normal'. •́ ‿ ,•̀]

"You still didn't answer my question." Aizawa stated bluntly and leaned back, giving your personal space back. Not for long.

"I see. You actually forgot the only thing I've asked of you."

You stomped your foot, making the two males jump at your sudden attitude. "Ah, so that's what's this is about.. What was it?" Aizawa sighed while looking at you with a serious expression.

"Are you ser–" "Did we not make your bed? Are you mad because we didn't bring breakfast to you in bed?" "Wha– No! Don't be stu–" "If it really was just one small thing you asked, as you had said earlier– which I'm sorry for forgetting–, why are you acting so childish?"

You inhaled deeply, internally cursing the man and narrowed your eyes. "First.. thank you, I guess..?" Aizawa pet your head– to praise you–, but you quickly brushed his hand away. "But!" "No buts." "Hah?!" "Y/N, we're pro heroes. We have much more important and more urgent things to take care of."

Hizashi chimed in suddenly, standing next to the other male.

You scoffed and a mocking laugh left your lips. "You! Pro heroes?! You have the face to say something like that and you expect me to believe it!?"

"It's the truth, why wouldn't you believe it?" The blond said before Aizawa could open his mouth. "He's right, Y/N..." He cocked his head a bit, the action coming across as– unexpectedly– cute.

After several seconds of silence, you realize that he won't say anything else, so you do.

"Well, where should I start? Oh yeah, you kidnapped me– definitely not something a hero would do. Then, let's see...." You put your hands on your hips and pretended to struggle with remembering. "Oh, oh, I know! That happened YEARS ago! And I'm STILL HERE!"

You barked at the two, visibly shocked men and paused only for a second to take a breath, before resuming your reminder.

"DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO GO OVER EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING?!! HUH!?" You panted heavily, the satisfaction from seeing their flustered faces quickly disappearing as dread washes over you.

". . . . ."

Hizashi looked at you with a disapproving look, his arms crossed, while Aizawa rubbed his temple, cursing under his breath irritatedly.

"So... Y/N." He started, not lowering his hand from his face.

You gulped and straightened yourself out instinctively. "Y–yeah?" You tripped on your own tongue, cold sweat running down your skin as you internally prepared yourself to have the whole situation flipped around you. With them being the victims, instead of you.

Guess, you chose the wrong time to act bratty. . .

ಠ∀ಠ

.

.

.

Me: *tries to write*

Motivation and/or inspiration:

"So, anyways! I'm going to the store to buy milk, do you want something?"

.

.

.

Bye, like— I have 5 reqs left and I'm nowhere near done! So, I need to hurry my lazy fat ass! ʕಠ_ಠʔ

[huntingforsatisfaction]

Pink Promise

Pairing: Dean Winchester X younger sibling reader(not in an incest way)

Summary: Dean is there to help his younger sibling after they have a nightmare 

Words: 2211

Warnings: fairly angsty, but still very very fluffy, a detailed nightmare, mentions of John Winchester’s parenting style, bad writing?, like one cuss word, a tiny tiny bit of gore

Note about characters: in the present scenes the reader is 16 and in the flashbacks they’re 6 and the reader and Dean have like a 13/14 year age gap so he’s like 19/20 in the flashbacks, there isn’t any gendered terms for the reader so it’s neutral(unless you count hair being braided as a gendered term, but boys can have braided hair cause gender isn’t real), and finally this takes place in season 5

Dean woke up, not for any purpose, just one of those weird moments where you randomly wake up in the middle of the night. He shook his head and began fluffing his pillow, stopping when he heard soft crying.

“(Y/N)?” He softly called out.

You were laying with your back facing out and your face squished into the musty cushions of the small motel room couch, a failed attempt at muffling your cries.

“Y-Yeah Dean? Something wrong?” You tried to play it off.

“I was gonna ask you the same thing. Were you crying?”

When you guys first got your room Dean cursed the streetlight right outside the window, but now he watched how it illuminated you as you dropped your head down.

“Nightmare?”

You looked up and made eye contact before slowly nodding a yes.

“Think you’re gonna be able to go back to sleep?”

You dropped your gaze again as your face screwed up and you could feel new tears form on your lash line.

“No.” You softly croaked out, barely audible over Sam’s snores.

                                                   ~Flashback~

You couldn’t breathe, too focused on staying quiet to risk opening your mouth. Once the sting in your eyes and the back of your throat calmed down you went back to sleep.

“Sammy?”

You screamed out running through an old grey house.

“No no no please no!” You heard him scream somewhere you couldn’t find.

“Sammy!” You huffed before taking off running down the hall you came from.

As you ran around the house you felt small and helpless, like when you got separated from your brothers in the corn maze at the pumpkin patch in Iowa, the one Dean took you to without your dad knowing.

“Dean?” You desperately called for your brother as your feet pounded against the floor. 

Completely unaware of your surroundings you ran, the only thing on your mind was finding your brother. Not paying attention to your surroundings you tripped, your heart raced knowing how your dad always got on you for that. You got up and looked down to see what sent you flying to the cracked floorboards.

“Dean!” You screamed

You woke up again, heart pounding in your head and toes. You stopped gasping for air when you felt your dad roll over next to you, holding it in again to stay quiet. Collecting your moose and your blanket, the one you got in Oregon when you were 3 and have refused to sleep without ever since, you slipped off of the bed as silently as possible. Your dad and Dean were fumigating a house in a fancy neighborhood so the only hotel available was a little nicer than your usual moldy motels. The vinyl floorboards stayed quiet as you snuck over to the door that joined your brothers’ room to you and your dad’s. You glanced at your brothers sleeping in their beds before moving their jackets off of the chair that sat in the corner. Dropping your blanket on the floor you traded it for the two flannels that were under their jackets and curled up into the chair. Once you were comfortable you finally let the tears flow, crying softly at first and burying your face into Mort the moose as your chest heaved more and more with the weight of your cries. 

 “(Y/N)?” You heard Dean call out in confusion as he shut the drawer of his nightstand. 

 “S-sorry for waking you up.” You tossed off the flannels and picked up your blanket, heading back to your proper room.

 “No, no, hey, hey, come here.” Dean moved over in his bed and opened his arms, lightly flicking his wrist to call you over to him. 

You gingerly padded over to his bed and with a little effort jumped up.

 “I’m gonna guess it wasn’t growing pains that woke you up.” Dean chuckled. 

 “Ok, I’m sorry, bad timing. Now come on peanut, stop giving me that face and come in closer.” He said shifting so he could comfortably open up his arms for you. 

You still continued to pout, but scooted into his embrace until your body felt lighter. 

“Sorry.” You quietly mumbled, it came out kind of funny because of how your cheek was squished against your brother’s chest. 

Dean pulled back and nudged your chin up, signaling you to make eye contact  with him before resting his hand on your shoulder. His comforting softness melted away as he turned dead serious. 

“Listen to me, do not ever and I mean ever apologize to someone because you’re upset. Ok?” He searched your eyes waiting for an answer, which you gave him with a nod. 

“Now tell me why someone broke into my room and stole my favorite flannel.” And just like that Dean pulled you back into him and your softy of a brother was back.

“Dad yells at me when I don’t sleep and when I cry and when I ask him questions, so I came in here to cry” Even your big brother’s arms couldn’t shield you from the sadness that entered your body.

“Well I’m not dad, neither is Mort the moose, and neither is Sammy.” Dean started.

“Sammy snores now, he’s old.” You shot Sam a dirty look even though he was dead asleep.

“Yeah Sammy is old now, he drools too.” Dean joined you in giving his younger brother the stink eye. “Now tell me, what has my peanut so upset?”

“Nightmare.” 

“Nightmare? Do you wanna talk about it?” Dean began playing with your hair as he awaited your response.

Staring up at your older brother’s face you thought about it. 

“No.” You wanted to say what happened, to get it out of your mind, but you didn’t want to tell him about how you saw his still body covered in blood with his stomach in shreds. 

“No? That’s okay.” 

You guys sat quietly listening to the traffic outside and Sam’s snores. After a while Dean assumed you had fallen asleep, but just as he shut his own eyes your little voice stirred him.

“D?”

“Mm, yeah (Y/N)?’

“Are monsters real?”

                                                       ~Present~

Dean watched you hang your head again before scooting to the side and opening up his covers.

“Wanna talk about it kid?”

Even in your sad and scared state a genuine smile broke out across your face, it was small, but still genuine. Without responding to your brother you kicked off the soft blanket that you had fought Sam for and walked over to Dean’s bed. Since motel beds are always oddly tall you had to do a little jump to get onto it, shooting a quick glare at Dean for being clearly amused at your struggle. Tentatively Dean opened up his arms to you and you awkwardly shuffled in until your head hit his shoulder and you instantly melted. The both of you sat there without a word, wondering what the other was thinking, unaware that you were both thinking the same thing. You thought about how long it had been since you two laid like this, both of you becoming aware of how long it had really been since you showed each other affection and comfort, and how after all of these years you two felt so natural. Neither of you took into account how the other’s muscles softened, how the past few years of Azazel, the door to Hell, your dad’s death, Sam’s death, Dean’s death, demons, vampires, and vengeful spirits all released from your guys’ bodies. For the first time in months neither of you cared about Lucifer or Michael or any other dick with wings. 

“Hey Dean.” You finally broke the near silence.

“Yeah?” Your ear being pressed to Dean’s chest made his voice sound deeper and you could feel his jaw move against the top of your head. 

“Do you remember when I was super young and we were staying at that nice hotel in Seattle and I had that really bad nightmare?” You slipped the comforter under your brother’s arm so you could fidget with it.

“Yeah I do actually, but how the hell do you remember it? You were like what, six? So that means it was ten whole years ago.” 

“I don’t think I would remember it if it wasn’t the start of the recurring nightmare I always have.” The first part was a lie. That night had been the first time you ever truly felt like you had a family, the first time you had felt comfort in your life. You could never forget that. 

“Oh.” Dean began to play with your hair, taking three small pieces and trying to see if he could still remember how to braid, something he learned because you hated how John would always cut your hair. 

“This dream,” you started, “it’s bad. It’s always the same house, this weird grey one with cracked floors and for some reason the walls are cement. It’s weird. But in the dream I can never find my way, it’s like a labyrinth and every time I get more and more lost the hallways get darker and darker. It always starts with me screaming for Sammy and he doesn’t respond, but I can hear him. I can hear him.”, Your voice begins to break, “I can hear him screaming no over and over again, like he’s getting attacked and then when I call out for him again he’s silent. So I’ll start running to find him, I guess I’ve always had a hunter's instinct. Then when I’m running around I trip and every time I trip I always get this feeling of fear about dad yelling at me for always being clumsy. But then when I. '' You stop, dropping your head and gaze so far down that all you can see is your own chest. Dean drops the chunk of hair he was twisting in his fingers and looks down at you.

“It’s okay.” He whispers, lightly squeezing your arm to ground you, something he always does when you’re upset. 

His encouragement only made things worse as tears began to fall again. Closing your eyes you take a quick deep breath.

“When I look down to see what I tripped over it’s you. You’re dead. Bloody with your stomach all ripped up, I never see the monster, but it must be something with claws. Then it just ends there. Tonight was kind of different though. Our ages are always different in the dream. Sammy’s voice always sounds like it did when he was 16 so I don’t think he changes, but sometimes I’m a kid and you’re a teenager like when I first had it or we’re both teenagers or we’re the ages we are now or sometimes I’m a kid and you’re an adult. But tonight, tonight I was 16 like I am now and you were a little kid.”

                                                      ~Flashback~

Dean didn’t know what to do, he felt like the deer that stopped in the headlights and actually got hit. He’d been through this before with Sam, but he had been older and wasn’t already upset when they had the conversation. He had felt guilty every time he lied to Sam about monsters and didn’t want to give you that same false hope, but he resented his dad for teaching him about monsters when he was this young. 

“I’m not sure of anything, (Y/N).” It technically wasn’t a lie, while Dean was sure that monsters existed he wasn’t sure of what to tell you.

“Well actually no, I am sure of one thing. Nothing and I mean nothing, no man, no woman, no animal, and sure as hell no monsters will ever hurt you because you are strong and I will kick their butt if they even try.” Dean meant that fully, he’s meant that since the day his dad sat him and Sam down to tell them they have a little sibling.

“Pink promise?” You said looking up at Dean.

“Pink promise?” He pulled back and questioned you.

“A pink promise.” You huffed, freeing your arm out from under Dean’s and extending your pinky finger.

“Oohh, a pinky promise.” Dean held up his arm and extended his own pinky.

“No, it’s pink promise.” You pulled your hand back.

“Ok, I pink promise that nothing will ever hurt you.” And to that you guys joined pinkies.

                                                     ~Present~

You begin to quietly sob into your brother’s chest. Dean put his hand at the nape of your neck and put his cheek on the top of your head and let you cry it out, as you calmed down he pulled back and kissed your forehead.

“Hey look, peanut. Sammy and I are not going anywhere, we will always be with you, ok. A lot is going on right now and it will all be okay, we’ve gotten out of so many situations that we shouldn’t have and this one will be no different. I pink promise.” Dean raised up his arm and extended his pinky.

“Oh fuck off.” You lightly hit his hand. 

Unfazed Dean kept his hand up and smugly smiled down at you. You sigh and extend your own pinky. As your fingers wrapped around each other your annoyed façade broke, your smile was joined by a few tears.

“Pink promise.”

A/N: So hey, your local forest wench here. This is definitely different from other stuff I post. I’ve never written a fanfiction before(so basically sorry if it’s not too good and please be patient with me), but I do read a lot of of it and maladaptive daydream a lot so I always have plenty of ideas. I came up with this idea this morning and really liked it, thought that maybe other people would like it and that it would be kind of greedy to keep it to myself. I’m actually really insanely proud of this ngl. If people like this and I feel comfortable, I might even write some more in the future.

[papenathys]

Bengali Academia

Last time I made a compilation of some Indian Academia picks, most of which were works written in English. So I thought I'll put together a book rec list but this time the works are in Bengali as we have a very rich heritage and it's high time I promoted my own culture :) this list is subjective and contains entries compiled with the help of my family and friends. Please keep in mind that the Bengali literary canon is VAST and encompasses works from India and Bangladesh and I cannot possibly represent every single author I have ever read and loved.

Political:

Pather Dabi [transl: The Way of The Road] by Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay: revolutionary secret society in colonial india!! an actually likeable hero!! splendid anti establishment bengali youths!! themes like untouchability, decolonisation and female empowerment!! I will rec this book until my absolute dying breathe, especially because the whites™ banned it.

Ghare Baire [transl: The Home and the World] by Rabindranath Tagore: explores complex paradoxes in the early phase of the national independence movement, like western "progressive" theory vs western imperialism, patriotism vs aggressive nationalism, and the double alienation of desi women by Britishers + their own society. raises very pertinent questions about forceful "emancipation" of women, very layered characters and gorgeous prose.

Char Adhyay [transl: Four Chapters] by Rabindranath Tagore: you can read this as either the star-crossed love story of revolutionaries Ela and Atin, or a scathing critique of militant nationalism, embodied by the brilliant, ruthless, manipulative rebel leader Indranath. or both. either way, a great portrayal of systematic brainwashing by extremist groups, though does get a tad bit angsty at times.

Kaalbela [transl: Doomsday] by Samaresh Majumdar: you know the drill. Naxalite movement. Bengal burning. Love in the times of communism and revolution and police raids. Fun stuff. If you loved Udayan and Gauri from The Lowland pls read this.

Hajar Churashir Maa [transl: 1084's Mother] by Mahasweta Devi: a harrowing exploration of 70s Naxalite Bengal, state brutality, and the cost of resistance as seen through the eyes of Sujata, a mother battling to piece together the events leading to the murder of her son, rebel Brati. this one is particularly devastating and can be triggering in the current political climate. but god, what a read.

Social:

Pather Panchali [transl: Song of the Road] by Bibhutibhushan Bandopadhyay: if you haven't read the book, you have probably heard of the equally gorgeous movie. It's about a village on the far precincts of rural Bengal, it's about a brother and a sister and a family whose destinies keep pulling them apart and together, and it's about other things too, a field after a rainstorm, fresh mangoes, the gnaw of hunger and the kind of love that suffers.

Padma Nadir Majhi [transl: The Boatman on the River Padma] by Manik Bandopadhyay: an epistolary story about the lives of the impoverished fishermen community living in the Padma delta strip in Bangladesh, and a man ferrying relocated settlers to a utopian riverine island named Moynadip. The river acts almost as a sentient presence through this novel about class conflicts. I remember reading this in middle school, the prose is to die for. Also, Kuber, the main character is v.v. good I kind of love him.

Satyabati trilogy by Ashapurna Debi: *slams hands on table* INTERGENERATIONAL FEMALE RAGE!! mother and daughter and granddaughter battling the same oppressive fate!!! Feminist and anti brahmanical academia!! Women writing about women!!

Chokher Bali [transl: Eyesore] by Rabindranath Tagore: it's about two women- beautiful briliant widow Binodini and her sweet naive friend asha, and the way their stories spill into each other. sometimes privileged men write surprisingly good stories about women who are flawed, women who want things, women with ambition and love and tenderness and lust and regret and jealousy.

Srikanto by Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay (#1): bisexual himbo spends entire adolescence pining after hot male best friend before growing up, doing drugs and getting reunited with a former flame who now works as a courtesan. Involved: a snake charmer, baggy pants, feverish dreams, ghosts on the river's edge, and this one line that keeps me awake all night and which I totally lost in translation: "sometimes the best kind of love bewitches. Other times, it simply dethrones you."

Devdas by Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay: or as I like to call it childhood sweethearts Dev and Paro battles The Bengali Class Hierarchy and Third Degree Alcoholism while the courtesan Chandramukhi is busy being an unproblematic angel whom I love :) also pls don't watch the film it is kind of cringe idk

Aranyak [transl: Of the Forest] by Bibhutibhushan Bandopadhyay: read the memo it's about forests. it's about a man enamoured by forests and it's about people whose lives are inextricably bound to the trees, for better and for worse. actually pretty sad, but the journey through that sadness is lovely.

Non fiction

Pakdondi by Leela Majumdar: whimsical, gentle memoir/travelogue about the author's childhood in Shillong and Calcutta. Think hill stations and winter flowers and soft sunshine. Has the wistful nostalgia of a Ghibli film. I love her writing sm.

Any work by Nabaneeta Deb Sen, particularly Truck Bahone McMahon [transl: On a Truck Alone to McMahon], which details her road trip to the North East Indian states in the humorous precision only she can bring. Her writing style blends factual and funny in the same vein as Ruskin Bond and I had a good time with this.

Deshe Bideshe [transl: In a Land Far from Home] by Syed Mujtaba Ali: an account of the author's two year stay in Kabul between 1927-29 when the country was going through sweeping reforms under the controversial reign of King Amanullah. It's a little glimpse into a system and a time not often documented in literature, and Ali's writing is a gem. you'll enjoy this is you enjoy Ruskin Bond and William Dalrymple.

Mythology/Retellings

Rajkahini [transl: Stories of Kings] by Abanindranath Tagore: another favourite, lyrical, descriptive, half magical half historical goodness, this collection of short stories centres around ancient Rajput dynasty folklore and mythical histories. The accompanying illustrations are equally beautiful.

Tagore's Nritya Natya (dance drama) series of plays which centre around folklore. Think royal intrigue, warrior princesses falling in love with gods and the plight of benevolent monks and "untouchable girls". I adore nritya natya because most bengali girls learn these plays and the leitmotif songs and stories growing up.

Shei Shomoye [transl: Those Days] by Sunil Gangopadhyay: written in Sunil's typical wistful lilt, it is a retelling of the life of Bengali satirist and playwright Hutum Pacha (aka kaliprasanna sinha) as well as several historical figures like Michael Madhusudan, Tagore etc. Recommended by my mutuals and followers alike.

Tungabhadrar Tire [transl: By the Tungabhadra] by Sharadindu Bandyopadhyay: a fleet carries two princesses to vijaynagar where one of them is to wed the king as part of a political alliance. but of course things fall apart (as they always do) and you get a whole cocktail of torrid affairs and 14th century politics albeit the joy is tempered considerably by the author's very Quirky Misogyny and a certain degree of SLB-esque Islamophobia ://

Poetry

Shakti Chattopadhyay (themes: restlessness, nature, modernism, translated verses)

Kalyani Thakur Charal (social commentary, dalit representation, feminism)

Rabindranath Tagore (mysticism, pastoralism, time)

Jibanananda Das (speculative, modernism, existentialism)

Michael Madhusudan Dutta (epic poetry, nature, sonnets)

Kazi Nazrul Islam (patriotic, anti colonial, social commentary......an icon ahead of his time.....king™)

Self indulgent recs

Abol Tabol by Sukumar Ray is one of those priceless books of nonsense/satire poetry rendered second grade in translation, I'm afraid. If you can, read the Bengali version. In fact, read any of Sukumar Ray's works, it's like taking an acid trip with Hayao Miyazaki and Louis Caroll, icon really created That Rich A Bibliography™ in his unfairly short life :') it's funny, it's unsettling, it's ridiculous, it's savage.

Professor Shonku series by Satyajit Ray: this sci-fi/thriller collection is written in the format of a long-lost journal, detailing the colourful and sometimes genuinely creepy adventures of whimsical old scientist Trilokeshwar Shonku. The professor is aided on his trips by faithful and benevolently dumb attendant Prohlad and his cat Newton. This series is so ridiculous and inventive and good, Ray's writing is so readable and the accompanying illustrations are charming AF. A nostalgic fave.

Feluda series by Satyajit Ray: you've partaken of bengali culture, you have studied museums and archives and watched documentaries. But did you read feluda? No? Not a very successful cultural integration then, was it?

Podi Pishir Bormi Baksho (transl: The Burmese Box of Aunt Podi) by Leela Majumdar: one eventful night, the Burmese treasure chest of a formidable bengali matriarch is stolen, spawning generations of hatred, bloodshed and betrayal. PEAK comedy gold. every time I reread this book it leaves me in hysterics.

Byomkesh series by Sharadindu Bandyopadhyay: rounding off this list with my favourite dark academia detective boy, byomkesh is very well written and very likeable and very aesthetiqué if you are looking for crimes and felony and the seven deadly sins in the heart of colonial and post-partition calcutta. if you like Poirot, you will love this series, particularly the earlier stories.

This list is definitely not comprehensive! For logistical purposes, I was unable to add Tagore's entire Body of Work©, or ALL of Nazrul's poems....else we'd be here a few days. There are many, many names and titles missing. My list is limited by my own reading experience and the books I know from recommendations. However, I just wanted to make this list for a long time as I rarely see Bengali literature hyped on tumblr. Feel free to add more!

[king-paimon]

HnK Chapter 95 Thoughts: The cruelest chapter of all times

AKA: The chapter everyone hated

AKA: No happy ending in sight

AKA: Haruko Ichikawa is a monster

AKA: I called it again (and I wish I was wrong)

AKA: Talk about kicking someone while they’re down

Ms. Haruko Ichikawa. You’ve truly done it. You truly are a cruel, sadistic, trolling monster. You leave us with this chapter? This chapter that truly shows us that despite every hardship they faced, Phos gets nothing. This chapter shows that Phos was destined to be in constant misery, and to rub that in with literally everyone else is free and happy? And to add more salt to the wound, you’re leaving us on an hiatus for who knows how long??

This is without a doubt the cruelest chapter to leave us on and this is probably one of the cruelest things a mangaka can ever do for a series as intense as this. I wish the previous chapter was the last one for the end of this year because at least with that one, it would have given us some sense of something.

Man. I’m both horrified and amazed by you, Ms. Ichikawa. I’m not even being sarcastic, I’m truly in awe.

Ugh.

As you can see, I have several things I have to say about this and... Just wow. This chapter. In these posts, I try my best to try and write my thoughts with the most rational mindset but... I don’t know how well I’ll be able to do that with this chapter. What a way to end this horrible year. 

But with this chapter’s ending and the implication for what is yet to come... this marks as the story’s descend to it’s bitter end, and I now wish I didn’t make that prediction last month.

I know I said in another post that I was going to write this in a few days, but I changed my mind. I’m getting this out now while my thoughts are still fresh in my mind. Please don’t mind the writing errors, I’m very tired, I’m writing this at 3 in the morning and I need to sleep. I promise I will come back to this and tidy it up later.

Anyways, here we go:

Haruko Ichikawa: Manipulator of emotions

Ms. Ichikawa really toyed with us with this chapter. So many things happened in such a short amount of time and I’m trying to process it. Also, doesn’t feel like too much happened in this chapter? Especially in comparison to the previous chapters, where everything was stretched out, to then have this chapter have so many things happen all at once. This chapter, in many ways, feels very rushed... and this style of story telling has me very worried about what’ll happen from here on out. I’ll talk more about what I mean by this later, but for now, let’s focus on the story of this chapter:

So... Antarctictite is back now. Adamant is back, too. So are most of destroyed gems, both the ones we knew and the ones we never got meet. And they are all now Lunarians... Hm.

I don’t like this or anything in this chapter for many reasons. In fact, I’ll go as far to say that I don’t like where the whole story is headed for these same reasons: 

The first reason: The emotional turmoil from the previous chapters

For the past 10 or so chapters, I’d been anticipating the destruction of the gems and Adamant. I was one of the people who didn’t like the idea of it happening, though I knew they kind of deserve it. And I remember how sad I was seeing Adamant turn to nothing but dust and seeing how everything was affecting Phos after the bloodlust ceased.

But it all led up to...this. In the very next chapter, after watching those heart wrenching scenes of the gems being broken down and Adamant’s last moments with Phos...we see him and the other gems being brought back like it was nothing.  And on top of that, they are totally happy Lunarians now. Yeah. Okay.

So it feels like the emotional tole that I felt for these characters I didn’t want to see get destroyed...meant nothing. Not going to lie: I kind of wish you all stayed destroyed.

And you know what? It’s kind of funny. In my Chapter 94 post, I said I was sad that we didn’t get to see Adamant and Aechmea interact and I didn’t think there would be a way now that Adamant is dust. Well. I was wrong. It happened. I got the interaction that wanted. Wasn’t worth it. 

So to sum up this first reason: The emotional turmoil that I personally experienced watching the characters I like get destroyed... meant nothing in the end.

Now I don’t know how to feel about these characters. It sucks. I even had a post that I was starting write about on a certain controversial character that I couldn’t bring myself to hate, despite everything, but I’m now debating whether or not I should still write it. I think I will, but there will be a lot of edits.

The second reason: Negation of personal growth

One of the things that has been brought up many times by fans is about how the gems dealt with problems. Instead of trying to address the problem and talk to try to fix it, they chose to ignore it and sweep it under the rug, no matter how upsetting it is to the characters involved. All of the gems, both Earth and Moon, constantly choose to not confront the issue and stay blissfully ignorant.

And now that they’re accepting to be Lunarians, it feels like they’re just running away again. Instead of confronting the Lunarians or having the gems properly talking with each other about how things got to the point where they had to once fight each other, they are like: Oh, we can be Lunarians so we don’t have to fight with them anymore? Awesome. Let’s do it.

Everyone is once again going with the flow, just sweeping the glaring issues that they all carried for so long, and are just accepting the new reality that they are in with no problems whatsoever. No addressing of anything means no character growth for all of them. No one grew from this experience. No one learned that ignoring the problems doesn’t solve them. They aren’t solving their previous issues, they are masking it under the belief that becoming Lunarian automatically solves all of their problems. 

No talking between Diamond or Bort. No talking with Yellow about their traumas or any of the other gems in the same boat. And no talking about how everything that happened lead to Phos doing what they did. It’s even more disappointing how Antarcticite was the only one who showed any concern about Phos or even thought to bring them up in the first place.

Edit: Also to add, the other problem here is how the are conscious choosing to remove your identity. They are not only choosing to loose their identity as gems, but they are fine loosing their memories as well. Not to mention how Cairngorm is once again being given a new identity to go by, from Aechmea, and is totally fine with it. That scene was small but once again, the fact that they are fine pretty much erasing what made them who they are is...unnerving. 

So pretty much to sum up this: Once again, everything meant nothing in the end. 

Speaking of Phos...

The third reason: Phos’s miserable fate

Phos, once again, got the short end of the stick. After everything that they’ve done, from trying to save everyone but themselves, to doing what was once seen as cruel for the sake of everyone to finally do something for themselves to go back to wanting to save the others after the bloodlust was gone... to get this ending for themselves.

But wow, what a cruel twist: Phos’s old goal was fulfilled. Thanks to them, the gems don’t have to live in fear of being destroyed or taken or anything. Thanks to Phos, everyone is free. Everyone now is going to be happy for the rest of their existance...at the cost of Phos’s expense.  

Phos lost everything. 

Their body. 

Their sanity. 

Their identity. 

Everything.

What do they get in return?

10,000 years of nothing but their own miserable existence and dark, depressing thoughts.

In the end, everything that Phos experienced not only sent them crashing down to rock bottom: it sent him to the chore of the earth, back out the other side, then back into the earth, in an endless cycle of just constant misery. 

That’s a theme in buddhism, if that’s what I’m recalling right from @rinboz​‘s posts: a cycle of continuous misery. That is clearly embodied here through Phos and Phos will continue to suffer the pain of existing while everyone else got what they wanted in the end, especially Aechmea. 

Speaking of which, I also genuinely want to know if there’s still fans out there who view Aechmea as a good guy for ‘liberating’ Phos, because as far as I see, thanks to him, Phos is now stuck in an even more miserable form of existence. At least before everything, everyone was miserable together with Phos. Sort of. Still better than what we got with this chapter, in my opinion. (Please do share your thoughts, if you do. I promise, this is not an attack. I’m just interested to hear your thoughts, if you’re willing to share)

But now, there’s no there for Phos. And unlike those other instances where Phos was in a situation and someone somewhat saves them like Adamant and Padparadscha once did before, there’s no one there. So unless there’s some Admirabilis hiding around there or if the Gem/lunarians decide to come to them, which I doubt will happen, there’s no one for Phos. No one is coming to help/save them.

Phos will have to suffer all alone. For 10,000 years. Phos is the last existing gem being now...even though technically, they aren’t really a gem anymore. 

Once again, to sum up why I don’t like this chapter nor how the story has progressed: Phos’s suffering meant nothing to them in the end. That’s the other theme I’m trying to hammer in in this post: Everything meant nothing in the end.

I’ve already seen a few fans react to the chapter and I saw one state that if the Lunarians, including the gems, were to come to Phos to pray for them, the poster hopes Phos tells them to “F* off” And you know what, I hope so too. But this revelation has me fearing for what’s going to happen the series, or more specifically, how and when it’ll officially end.

No true happy ending in sight and not exactly for the reasons you think

As always, it’s hard to predict how Ms. Ichikawa is going to end this series. Us fans made many predictions and a good number of them came true, but it’s the ending that eludes us. Some hope for a happy ending for Phos, while many, including myself, predict that it’ll be anything but happy. And now, with this chapter...I think it’s set in stone now.

Last month, in response to someone asking me how I think the series might end, I made a few small predictions. Some for a good ending, a bittersweet ending, and a bad ending.... 

...and it looks like that first sad ending is where the series is heading after all:

Everyone is gone/moved on and Phos stays behind as a lonely, immortal being.

Even though this small prediction was correct, how it’s all playing out was not exactly how I’d envisioned. It’s worse. And what’s making me even more worried is that based off of where the story is headed, my gut feelings are saying that the series ending is near. And it won’t be to anyone’s satisfaction.

Whenever I get invested in a series, other than worrying about how the creators will handle their characters and story, one of my biggest worries is about how the creators handle their ending. I’m truly afraid about what Ms. Ichikawa is planning for this series because I can’t help but fear it’s not going to end well. It’s not the worry that the series will have a sad/bittersweet ending, even though that concern is still there though I’ve accepted the likelihood, but rather I’m worried that the next chapter or so will be the abrupt end to this series. This concern is because of how rushed this chapter felt and I can’t help but worry that Ms. Ichikawa is now rushing to the end of the story. And to be honest, the addition fact that Ms. Ichikawa is going on hiatus is not helping these uneasy feelings. 

I hate being the pessimistic one but what if this happens? What if Ms. Ichikawa decides to end the series here or in the next chapter? What if the next chapter is literally another time skip, with all of the characters that I once cared about just NOT progressing, and Phos continuously being stuck in this immortal and we’re expected to accept this as the ending. Because other than Phos, everyone’s story, from what it looks like, is at their end now. I really hope that doesn’t happen. I’ve seen great series end so terribly too often and I’ve loved this story for so long that I hope that doesn’t happen with this series too. I love this series a lot and it’s characters, even the ones who I don’t think I like as much as I did after this chapter. I hope the series will end nicely... but I don’t think it will.

Back to predictions on how the story will progress: I made a post a few days ago about how I hope the forgotten plot elements will come into play and the fact that Aechmea isn’t omnipresent. More than ever, part of me hopes those elements will come back and have a positive impact for Phos’s story, especially the omnipresent part. But again, I don’t think I’ll hope too much for it because looking at Ms. Ichikawa’s past works... I don’t think they will, at least not in the way I’m hoping for.

Maybe I’m too used to Western (American/European) stories, where the protagonist somehow beats the odds and wins in the end. This isn’t always the case for Eastern stories, especially stories from Japan. They usually end bittersweet and I don’t think Houseki no Kuni will be the exception. I know I’ve said this saying many times before and with each passing chapter, these words become more and more true:

Phos’s suffering is never going to end. 

And unless someone does something to change the course of the story, which I don’t think will ever happen now, Phos is never going to have a happy ending. 

If I could wish for anything, it’d be that this story ends on a satisfying note. I know, I know. It’s foolish to still hope for that it’ll happen, given everything I’ve seen from Ms. Ichikawa before...But still. I don’t want to lose all of the hope that I have left for this series. Even though that hope is nearly diminished, it’s still there.

So please, Ms. Ichikawa. Please give us a satisfying ending for Phos. Please let them go.  If anyone deserves a dignifying conclusion to their story, it’s them.  Let them rest. End their suffering. Please give them the ending they deserve after everything they went through.

You’ll likely won’t though.  

Because this is Phos.

And to be Phos is to constantly suffer.

Well, regardless, I truly hope you’re hiatus goes well, Ms. Ichikawa. Even though you are a cruel troll, your work is still amazing and I applaud you for your story telling and your love to mess with us. I hope you enjoy your time away and when you return, I hope that you’ll continue to give us amazing content and eventually give Phos the ending they deserve. Please. That’s all I want.

I hope you all a nice holiday season, too, or at least try to.

Happy Holidays. 

Can’t wait for 2020 to end.