#I look forward to the increase in shit memes

[pedulum-chronometry]

The more I read/understand about the Reddit/196 blackout thing the better I feel about the Reddit migration, like it’s all the shitposters from a subreddit where bigotry was actively discouraged? Yes please! You may enter, what do you need help with? My hellsite is your hellsite mi amigo

[ckret2]

this is a little bit of a bizarre question but the way you manage to “flesh out” characters while keeping them consistent is really remarkable to me!

I’m having a lot of trouble making characters feel less ‘one-dimensional’ (especially female characters…It’s like my mind just draws a blank)

I understand it helps that most of the characters you’re writing have pre established personalities, aesthetics, etc. but I still feel like you manage to make the characters your own in a believable way.

do you have any advice for someone with this issue? if not, just know that I’m really really loving Bill-Goldilocks-Cipher and always look forward to the next chapter!!!

so the first thing you have to do is get deeply deeply obsessed with the story and then you have to go on walks fantasizing feverishly about the characters

But more serious answer:

Advice #1: Just take whatever you already know about the character and dig dig dig dig dig.

Take Wendy. She's the cool girl. Her character concept when she was designed was The Cool Girl. She's such a cool girl that by the end of the series she's symbolically represented by a bag of ice. She also says in one episode that she's NOT laid back, she's stressed all the time, because of her family.

Why is a 24/7 stressed teenager trying to give off an air of being cool and chill? Why did she start? What's she getting out of it? Why does she feel the pressure to maintain that facade? If she's so stressed, what's going on inside her head when she interacts with people? Her friends? Her boss? In one episode, she responds to both a request to hang out at a carnival and a request to start a romantic relationship with "yeah, I guess so." It's so passive. Why's she so passive in her relationships? Especially when she's so outwardly tough and assertive? What's the source of this side of her that just goes along with what other people suggest with seemingly no interest of her own—again, including a ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP? How does this relate to her being the "cool girl"? How does this relate to her deliberate decision to portray herself as "the cool girl"? In one episode she gets a scrape and the FIRST THING she does is forcefully tell Dipper NOT to freak out—why is her priority hastening to reassure the people around her before taking care of herself? She's got three younger brothers—is that how she interacts with them? Is one of them scared of blood? Does she see Dipper like one of her little brothers? Elder sisters often get handed the responsibility to act like mini-moms at young ages—did that happen to Wendy? Her mom is GONE, did that INCREASE the pressure on her? Is that why her family stresses her? What's it like in that house? Being pushed into acting like a mini-mom is a very traditionally feminine role—nurturing—which is at odds with Wendy's kinda soft butch presentation and way of speaking/acting—but is it at odds with Wendy's overall behavior? Following along with what the guys do rather than deciding for herself, passively accepting romantic propositions rather than pursuing someone she actually wants? Is she comfortable in those roles or does she feel pushed into them? Does it grate at her? Does she ever want to act assertive rather than just appear like an assertive person? Why do we never see her "we're WOMEN and we TAKE WHAT WE WANT" side more than once—and is it significant that she only pulls that out when there aren't any guys around? Does being the cool girl—supportive, accepting, nurturing, passive—chafe at her? Why's she do it?

Just keep digging. Overanalyze those tiny character details. Tie them together. Become the "I've connected the two dots" "You didn't connect shit" "I've connected them" meme. You can, will, and must connect the two dots. Treat every character like a mystery to figure out.

But your starting point is always whatever you already know about the character. You're building off of that foundation. You throw NOTHING out the window, buster—EVERY detail is important. You're not just wholesale making shit up—you're extrapolating wildly from whatever you already have. Making shit up always feels unanchored and vague. I said in an ask a few days ago that I headcanon Wendy likes that "stomp clap hey" hipster music genre. I didn't grab that randomly. I grabbed it because when we see her bedroom, she's got a poster with a banjo on it; she's super stoked to go to the Woodstick festival, and when she shows some of the featured indie bands to Dipper she focuses on two of the hipsteriest-sounding ("Scarves Indoors," "Wood Grain on Everything") and the apparent headlining band is the Handlebar Bros (just look at them); and she desperately wants to move to Portland, which in 2012 was the hipster capitol of North America—that's the culture she wants to escape to. No making shit up!! BUILD OFF WHAT YOU HAVE.

And Advice #2: you're telling a story, here. You have a plotline. Shape your characters to serve the story you're telling. What kind of a story are you telling? I'm telling a story about the destructive consequences of being a "special" kid—gifted kids, child celebrities, pageant kids, kids pushed to fill adult roles too young—the perfectionism, the burnout, the fear that anything short of excellence is insufficiency, the need for external validation, seeking love through fame rather than intimacy. When I'm looking at shallow characters and seeing how to fit them into the story, I'm prodding at them to see whether anything we know about them holds the potential to comment on themes like that—and then, if they do, that gives me an direction to dig in that already personally fascinates me, because it helps me weave this character into the story I already want to tell. If a character doesn't inherently carry any of those themes—then what can I do with the contrast between this character and the others?

And then, sometimes, I'm telling a story about two guys getting hunted down by a tooth fairy that desperately wants to steal one's teeth and a dentist that's willing to do anything she says but not motivated to furiously avenge her when she's defeated. Now I've got to make up two characters completely from scratch, BUT I don't have to make them up aimlessly. I already know the exact shapes they need to be fill their assigned positions in the story—I know what they need to do to make the story work—and now I can build them from the edges in, to make them the kinds of people they need to be to perform the actions I want to serve the plot they're in. And from there I can build them just like any character—I take the things they need to be, the things I already know about them (the dentist obeys the fairy but doesn't want to avenge her) and I dig dig dig (why would he not want to avenge her if he's so obedient? Does he obey her out of obligation but not true loyalty? Why? What kind of a person does this make him?)

And the tl;dr of all of that advice is:

so the first thing you have to do is get deeply deeply obsessed with the story and then you have to go on walks fantasizing feverishly about the characters

[digitalcockroach]

"b-b-but Trump would still be worse than Biden! harm reduction!" how do you fucking figure? what possible metric are you using to measure how much "worse" one is that the other? bc like ignoring that that is neither how electoral politics nor harm reduction actually work, just looking at the facts and figures here, if you compare their terms as president you're gonna be hard pressed to see any difference in the scope of violence and misinformation and human rights losses. do i need to invoke tumblr memes to get this through? you are not immune to propaganda! what just because Biden doesn't tweet slurs while he does it it's "less evil" when he murders children overseas? he can watch as congress rolls back reproductive rights, queer rights, covid protections, as he demolishes schools, builds oil pipelines through reservations, revives the fucking War on Terror and furthers the militarization of the police and increases ICE budgets to keep those kids in cages you used to give a shit about. I see y'all saying that "oh good luck when Trump locks you up in camps lol" and it makes me fucking sick how you wanna cosplay being the victims of actual literal genocide so bad. both of theme steered the USAmerican machine exactly as it was fucking intended to go, they just stroke their egos and dicks to different beats while they do it. materially, in policy and in action and in the actions of their devoted followers they are THE SAME. the imaginary persecution you fantasize about under a second Trump presidency is happening to your literal fucking neighbors right now under Biden. what you like Biden bc he gave you some stimmy checks between authorizing wholesale slaughter? he is rolling bombs over children right fucking now. how brainwashed do you have to BE to tell others that actually the way forward is to acquiesce to fascism, to vote for and support and thereby participate in genocide to keep the peace at home. it's not harm reduction to demand someone choose who shoots them and condemn them if they'd rather fucking shoot first

[th3-0bjectivist]

Springin' Chip with a 24' page update!

Greetings, dear follower! th3-0bjectivist has appointed me, Chipper the Springer Spaniel, as the official page mascot and acting spokescanine of this blog moving forward. It sure is great to be here! And might I say, the range of my vernacular as a mere canine has increased something like 28000% in just the last few weeks thanks to the hard lessons I’ve endured so far. Late nights in front of an English dictionary, lots of treats, and tons of sleepless nights have transformed me into perhaps the only English-literate puppy that has ever existed on planet Earth. From this point forward, I plan to operate as an empathetic, humorous, and nurturing presence to all of those on Tumblr into 2024 and beyond!

If you wanna know a little more about me to start, so far in life, I enjoy 1. Voraciously sniffing all manner of ass and crotch (if you approach me, please just spread fully eagle for one full minute, it lets me know who you are without you saying a word) and getting my own ass/crotch sniffed! 2. Pissing indoors (preferably on carpets to create an overpowering urine-miasma that permeates the entire room) 3. Attempting to playfully bite th3-0bjectvist directly in the balls with my nasty, bacteria-laden, inverted Spaniel teeth on a weekly basis!!

My pal, th3-0 and I, have long discussed my potential nickname on this blog. It has run the gamut from… Chip the Dip, to Chipper the Dick, to Chip the Prick, to Chipper the Testicle-Destroyer. In particular, the phrases ‘Stop biting me’, and ‘Hey, A-hole, cut that biting shit out’, and ‘Hey, dickhead, stop trying to bite my fuckin’ balls!!’ have strongly resonated with me as a puppy. I’ve realized very early on; it is essential that I improve my behavior otherwise I’m going to be hard-up on quality treats. And that’s what this blog will be all about moving forward… gradual improvement! Luckily, I have the good fortune of being cute as all hell. So, we graciously settled on the tentative title Springin’ Chip to instead highlight the positive aspects of our collective spirits and aspirations moving forward. New year, new positive goals! Folks, just look at my pics! Check out my feathered-ears and adorable face! Do I not have the perfect mug to represent a proper renewal of this blog?? And mug I will! If you continue to follow th3-0bjectivist, you’re going to see me grow up slowly over the next few months and years! Anyways, onto a bit of business…

My new friend, th3-0, has instructed me to give you an official page announcement! He will be back soon (end of March) with new art and drawings, music and commentary, goofy-ass memes, and more! This year (2024) th3-0 will be putting an artistic focus on dimensionality and expression by doing lots of drawings of expressions on human faces! He will also attempt to make some paintings with a little more -- POP -- than in previous years by incorporating a liquid background behind a solid mass of brushwork. If you like music, and who doesn't (??), this year will be the year of the musical double-feature! That means every time you see music on this page moving forward, there will be TWO SONGS by the featured musician(s) to highlight the range of said musician(s). Also, it’s election year! Now, I don’t have the vote myself, but you’ll have me around as your comical, politically neutral, and stalwart companion while everybody else on Tumblr is being just about as polarizing as they can be without directly and openly supporting terrorist organizations on the left or right side of the political spectrum! It’s gonna be a great year with this dog n' this blog!

Alright, gettin’ sleepy over here… you guys can fuck off for now. MORE 0bjectivist! END OF MARCH! NEW ART!!! DOUBLE-FEATURE MUSIC SHOWCASES EVERY OTHER WEEK!!! MEMES AND GIFs!!! SNARKY-ASS COMMENTARY!!! AND MORE OF MY BALL-BITING ADORABLE ASS!!!

Best, Springin’ Chip

[zelreedsandwrites]

Once again, PLEASE correct me, I look forward to your alternate stereotyping lmao

Reblogs much appreciated to increase sample size as this is a Very Scientific Endeavor

[rwac96]

Type:Prompt

Fandom:Blazblue Tale of Berseria

Character:Ragna the Bloodedge Velvet Crowe

Summary:Velvet start to have breakdown after all the killing she down with the quest of vengeance along with emotional and psychological trauma durning said journey she on as she let it get to her claim that what they a said of her is true that she a monster. Ragna find her in this state and try to pick her back up but this lead to an argument between the two with velvet believed that she can’t be redeemed and claim she nothing more the a monster with Ragna said that she isn’t one because he done a lot worse and still live with that as he mover forward and let his emotions get the best of him tell her his feel point out all her best point and why he fell for her and even if she seen as a monster to everyone else she will never be one in his eyes and that he never leave her alone to feel like that again . Velvet stunned by this along with his confession stated to cry wonder if it ok to take his hand and be with him.

Theme:Hurt/Comfort, Emotional, Confession Love Epiphany,

Meme: Your not a monster, Embrace me, love epiphany

The man's eyes widened at the sight before him, alarmed by what he was seeing at the very moment. Velvet Crowe sitting down, sobbing silently into the palms of her hands. Ragna the Bloodedge slowly approaches the Lord of Calamity, his heart had sunk as he wasn't used to this side of her being revealed. Plus, it was a very rare case for a daemon like Velvet, since she swore vengeance upon Artorius since he sacrificed her brother. As he got closer, the swordsman listened to her mutterings; which ranged from "Monster" to "Destroyer".

"Velvet," The Man of Azure spoke up to her, who simply removes her hands from her face. "Vel, stop."

"No," she shakes her head, "I'm repeating the truth, Ragna. I'm a monster, a Therion, the daemon who feeds upon other daemons."

"Don't beat yourself up over the past!" He raised his voice, while the black-haired woman furrowed her brows in response. "You did in response to what that bastard did!"

"And then I sunk to his level," she replied, gritting her teeth; glaring at her left arm in hatred. "I'm nothing but a fucking monster! The "Lord of Calamity", the name's in the goddamned title, Ragna!!"

"STOP IT!!" Ragna screams at the top of his lungs, "You're not a monster, because I'm a whole lot worse."

"Ragna," she stops, her brows creasing in alarm at the man's outburst.

"I've done a lot worse things," he says to her, kneeling down as he takes hold of her hands. "and I live with those decisions every day."

She sat there, silent as she watched the usual surly, seemingly closed-off SS-Class Criminal pour his heart out. The black-haired daemon blinks at the infamous Grim Reaper in shock.

"Besides, you never gave a shit what others think, whether you're a hero or villain, monster or doom bringer. You pursued your goal to the end, you're persistent, Velvet. I guess...I guess that's I...," Ragna stops himself for a moment. "I never saw you as a monster, I saw you as a woman who knew what she wants. Why...I love you."

"Ragna," she spoke as he pulls his hands away from hers, feeling her heartbeat increase. "I...I never knew..."

"I never wanted to leave you alone again," he says, "even if people see me as a bastard who fell for a daemon."

The woman reaches her bandaged hand out, looking into his red & green eyes. Ragna blinks at her, raising his brows before he grabs a hold of her left hand with his Azure Grimoire hand. She pulls him toward her, wrapping her right arm around him. Velvet closed her eyes, accepting the embrace of the swordsman who confessed his very emotions.

[notmuchtoconceal]

honestly, man?

if yr gettin antsy that i'm not respondin to ur messages fast enough or checkin out ur page like at all, the main thing that u should be considering is that tumblr fuckin lags and i already move too fuckin fast, okay?

do u know what staring at a lagging screen does to ur brain?

do u get amped and aggro and push forward to keep ur energy and motivation up, or do u slow down, depress and wait, then notice two or three minutes have passed in a blur while u retreated into the past?

a lagging interface can induce mild flashbacks or ruminative thinking in traumatized individuals, for both carry the logic of a broken process.

human beings see and feel and connect more than they're aware.

human beings internalize a lot of what they experience and perceive.

therefore if the broken technologies we use can induce and reinforce bipolar symptoms of our pre-broken minds, this is only something we can only mitigate if we're aware of it and honest with ourselves.

denial serves only to allow the problem to get worse.

tumblr is already a place which induces overstimulation through all the memes and porn and shit flying, but then i choose to artistically exploit its limitations to push it to new places, cause that's the kind of densely novelistic raconteur shithead i am, and my psychic sensitivity is only increasing, so frequently i can pick up consciously on far more than what other's words may seem to initially appear, so that's additional ambiguity when my brain is already approaching fry, then there's the guilt, bro --

of knowing the people i talk to are idealizing me to at least some degree and likely taking my absence personally, and because they're so lovely, I don't wish to problematize this too badly cause I like being wanted.

then it's just like --

sometimes i can't feel your vibe right now because i'm not in the right headspace to socialize, or i'm already doing something (if i'm writing or jacking off and u message me, yr not a priority) and if i'm high or in a ritual space, be it from kink, a writer's superstition or the spells i'm casting, i feel way fuckin better when i can ignore you for a week and intuit it on my own, but then it's like -- hey. some social interactions have an expiration date. some people feel rejected after five minutes, let alone two days.

a friendly reminder will help. friendly is the key.

i will know if your reminder is considerate or nagging.

a great deal of atomized Western culture involves shifting variables around to highlight the linear and the rational over the holistic, the circular and the intuitive. as a consequence of this, we are trained to look at words as the primary thing, rather than as a vehicle to carry intention.

words can be quite beautiful, as beautiful words seem to be the substance of poetry, but in truth, the poetry exists between the words.

as a further consequence of this, some people can get really good at manipulating words like any surface phenomenon can be easily manipulated, masking the malicious intention with a friendly smile.

these are the things an empathic person can pick up on, however -- an empathic person can only communicate this to a rational person if they speak the language of rationality, and unfortunately we expect people to be one thing or the other, cause highlighting the rational at the expense of the intuitive was always a con to limit our potential as free thinkers.

it's just a lot, bro.

we keep it simple because we know it's alot.

[aftokrvteira]

late night (m)

pairing: eren yaeger/jaeger x fem!reader warnings: nsfw, riding, vaginal sex, choking, creampie, dom!reader. word count: 1.6 k

summary: eren has spent the whole day playing on his phone and you’re done with his bullshit so the only sensical thing to do is to fuck him hard to show him who’s boss.

It’s late and you’re tired. You don’t know why are you tired exactly, maybe it’s just because you were really bored through the entire day. A perfect saturday, wasted, all because your boyfriend is obsessed with a phone game. It was cute the first few weeks, seeing how excited he was, how involved he got, especially because you were the one who told him about the game in the first place. Now you didn’t even had it in your phone anymore. But Eren was addicted to it.

The entire day you just watched him play and cheer or get angry about it. You binge watched your shows, saw a bunch a youtube videos, scrolled through all of your social media pages and he was just there. Sometimes he would blow a kiss in your direction or pat your leg but other than that it was like you were alone all day.

You walked out of the shower with a towel wrapped around your hair. You put on your pajamas: a cute short and tank top set Eren himself gave you on your last birthday. You had your night-time cereal, brushed your teeth and headed to your room, while Eren stayed on the couch.

It was around 2 AM when you felt him lay down next to you. You were still looking at dumb memes to lull you and didn’t bothered to look at him.

“I barely made it” he said, triumphant. He was smiling and you just gave him a small smile in return “I won all the game rewards just in time...I almost shit my pants”

“That’s cool, Eren” you mumbled, putting down your phone and turning your back to him. He didn’t seem to get your unenthusiastic tone because you felt him scooting closer to hug you tightly. You felt his warm breathing right next to your ear and tried to move away from it “Please, it’s very hot in here”

“You wan’t me to turn the a/c on?” he asked. You shrugged and a few minutes later you heard the beep and the soft purring of the machine. You covered yourself with your blankets. “Hey, come here, I want to hug you” you sighed but still complied with him and rested your head on his chest. He smelled good, a mixture of laundry detergent and after-shave lingered on his skin. That’s right, you remembered. He did paused his stupid game to stay on the bathroom for three hours. It never took him that long to take a shower so, judging by the after-shave scent, you reached his face, noticing that his god-awful beard was finally gone from his face. He hummed when he felt your fingers “You like it?”

“Mhm”

“I also shaved down there” he said “You wanna feel it?” you giggled and gave him a gentle pat over his sweats. Eren gave you a gentle squeeze “You didn’t felt it”

“Of course I did”

“No, you did it wrong”

“Ugh, fine” you rolled your eyes and managed to slide your hand under his pants and feel his clean balls. It was such a weird texture and you weren’t sure you liked it or not “There, I felt them”

“And?”

“It’s okay? I guess?” you wanted to get your hand out of his sweats but on your way out you felt something else “Are you seriously getting a boner?”

“He’s just saying hi”

“Why do you have to be so horny all the time?”

“I’m not, he just wants some good night kisses” Eren grabbed your hand and placed it over his hard on. You thought about it for a few seconds. It wasn’t like you weren’t in the mood, you were, of course, but you were also kinda mad at him for ignoring you the whole day. In the end and to avoid an argument between you two, you leaned down as he pulled down his sweats. You could barely see his dick in the dark, but you managed to pepper the tip with soft kisses that made him chuckle. You stroked his length up and down with your hand for brief seconds and then just licked the tip, introducing it into your mouth to lazily suck on it, bobbing your head up and down. You heard him sigh as you took it out of your mouth and slapped it against your tongue before sucking on it again. “That feels good, babe...” his fingers ran through your hair and before you could so anything he held your head in place and started thrusting his hips into your mouth with a steady pace. You tried to relax your jaw but that night your gag reflex was being really annoying. You pulled away with your eyes filled with tears.

“Are you okay?” he asked. You nodded and kept stroking his cock. He ran his fingers up and down your back “I was wondering...” Eren’s voice was soft as a whisper “I’d like you to ride me”

You thought about it for a few seconds. You were tired but you were also horny. Tomorrow morning he would be gone because he spent his sundays with his friends. There wouldn’t be another shot to ease your wants until next weekend. You got off the bed and took off your shorts, climbing on top of him. You were already wet and his dick was slick due to your own saliva, so it slid inside of you fairly easy. Eren placed his hands on your hips as you started to move them, slowly, adjusting to his size. You bit your lip, leaning forward to place your hands on his chest. That was the only thing that you wanted the whole day. The time to enjoy yourself and to be the center of his attention. You didn’t realized how much you needed his cock until you felt it twitch inside, filling you up just right.

You started to move your hips up and down, feeling how his dick was going in and out. You were in control this time, not him, and this realization made you even hornier. Eren was always pretty dominant during sex, he controlled your orgasms, your moans... But now you were, literally, above him. He lifted up your tank top to free your breasts and you shuddered when his hand cupped them and started to play with your nipples. Instead to surrender to his touches, you leaned back, placing your hands on his thighs getting out of his reach. The darkness was enough to just figure out the other’s silhouette, but other than that, you couldn’t see his face. You could only hear his soft moans and grunts, along with the wet sounds your pussy made when you moved against his dick.

At times you increased the pace of your hips, trying to feel him as deep as you could and when he hit your cervix you let out a loud moan only to slow down and start again. His fingers digged into your soft skin and sweat was starting to run down your forehead and nape.

“Babe, you’re amazing” you heard him sigh and you smiled, running your hands over his chest.

“Yeah?” you asked, leaning in for a kiss, tasting his tongue against yours. You rolled your hips and he let out a groan “You like how I’m riding you?” you bit his lower lip, sitting straight on top of him. Your hands were just over his clavicles and you tried to imagine his face. You thought about his flushed cheeks, his mouth and soft lips, parted, waiting for another kiss...something inside of you was deeply turned on and you wrapped both of your hands around his neck as you practically bounced on top of his cock.

Eren started moaning as you never heard him before and the sound mixed with the wet slaps of your ass smacking his thighs made you feel over the edge. Maybe this was what really turned Eren on. The power of being on top and to handle you as he pleased. You never thought about it enough but with this one taste you declared yourself addicted.

“You wanna cum, baby?” you asked. He whimpered and you caressed his cheek until you reached his hair, entangling your fingers with the brown strands to tug it back “Speak, Eren. You wanna cum?”

“F-fuck...” he stammered, trying to hold you in place but his hands couldn’t stop you. Your walls clenched around his cock and you could feel him twitch inside of you. With a devilish smile you leaned to kiss his neck and moan into his ear, leaving soft bite marks along his skin.

“Next time you spend your time with a fucking game” you whispered “I’m going to fuck you senseless, you heard me? You’re mine, Jaeger, you hear me?” you rolled your hips and have him another hair pull. He gasped “You hear me?” he nodded and you gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

You placed your hands on his chest to start riding him with a faster rhythm, letting out shameless moans as your clit rubbed agains his skin, making your belly tighter and tighter. Eren was moaning as well and with one last deep thrust you felt him cum inside. His hot semen covered your walls and you felt it starting dripping out of you. He was panting softly but you weren’t done. You kept moving your hips against his over sensitive dick, to bring him to the delicious point of overstimulation. He was trembling under you.

You brought one hand towards your clit and started rubbing it furiously, still with his cock inside of you.

“Oh, god, y/n, god...” he moaned. You didn’t stop until you felt all of your body stiffen and then explode with an intense orgasm. “Fuck!”

You plopped right next to him, panting softly. He was silent for a few moments.

“What the fuck was that?” he asked and you shrugged.

“Ignore me again and you’ll find out.”

[nevertheless-moving]

Star Wars AU #20: MacenJar AU

Inspired by this meme and with permission from @simpskywalker

This au is dedicated to everyone who told me that this concept ‘gave them a headache’ or ‘psychic damage’. Especially that special someone who begged me to ‘please stop’ because ‘i hate this, i hate this so much’ and told me ‘please don’t say more words about this.’

Crack Lies Ahead, enough to consume a man. I have spoken.

“Ani. Ani. Anakin Skywalker.”

“Hmm?” The dulcet sounds of Padme calling his name dragged Anakin from sleep against his will. 

“Anakin, you have to get up.”

He groaned, rolling over. “...here’s my face...I’ll...be awake in a second...just sit down...I’m awake...”

“No, Anakin you have to leave, remember. You have a 5 AM take-off scheduled, and you made me promise I would get you up early this time, come on.”

She cruelly yanked the covers away. He gasped in betrayal. 

“My own wife...how could you.”

“Anakin if you’re not out of bed in the next 30 seconds the next time you beg to stay the night because ‘you can get up early, you swear’ I am kicking you out before anyone sits anywhere near anyone’s face, do you understand.”

He sat bolt upright and stumbled out of bed. “Ok, Ok, I’m up I- Padme!”

“Yes?” She asked sweetly, brushing her hair at the vanity. 

“It’s 3 AM!”

“Yes I know, you were going to stop at that bakery I recommended, remember?”

“You woke me up an hour and half early so I could stop at a bakery,” he asked, disbelieving.

“Yes, Anakin, it was your idea. It was going to be your cover, in case anyone wondered what you were doing in the building.”

“That is-” before he could call it the stupidest idea he had ever heard, the memory of promising Padme that staying the night was a good idea because it would facilitate his cunning ruse (he was distracted, ok? Padme was wearing a lot of layers) came rushing back.

“-right,” he finished lamely.

Padme just hummed and began braiding in her cosmetic forcefields. 

Anakin managed to stretch, complete his morning refresher run, and arrange his robes in a suitably decorous fashion by the time Padme had established the base layer of her hairstyle for the day.

A quick kiss- no goodbye, it hurt too much to say goodbyes in war - and Anakin was out the door. 

He idly scratched his chin, vacantly looking out the lift and vaguely considering growing a beard. The pre-dawn view was quickly replaced by metal walls as the ride dropped below the skyline.

The transparisteel pod began to slow scarcely one third of the way down. Anakin suppressed a groan and tried to arrange his expression in Jedi-stoic manner, hoping that whoever got in the lift with him would be too intimidated by seeing a Jedi close-up to think about what they were doing in a Senatorial Apartment building at 3:15 in the morning. If they ask, I’m visiting the famous Bebbisun Bakery. Bennison? BELLASAN. I’m visiting the Bellasan Bakery.

Actually, anyone getting into the elevator this early was probably also doing the walk of shame so it’s probably fi-KRIFFING SITH SPIT THAT’S

“Master Windu!” Anakin cleared his throat, trying to lower his voice an octave. “Good- Good Morning!”

Windu’s eyes widened almost imperceptibly. “Ah. Knight Skywalker. Good morning to you as well,” he replied, stepping in the elevator, doors closing behind.

The lift descended as Anakin’s heart rate skyrocketed. This was it. Windu had to be here for Anakin. What other possible explanation could there be? WHY WASN’T HE SAYING ANYTHING?

Wait.

What other possible explanation...could...why wasn’t he saying ANYTHING?

Anakin scrutinized Master Windu out of the corner of his eye. Were those...the same robes he was wearing yesterday? They looked like the same robes but then again...pretty much all robes looked the same so this was probably a stupid way to figure things out. Fuck, it was too early for this.

Unsurprisingly, he couldn’t get a sense of the Master’s surface emotions. But his underlying aura seemed...happy? Typically Windu's serene presence had a tinge of righteous fury (something that had frightened him back when he was a child). But now that ever present vaapad edge was... softened? Anakin wracked his tired brain for a more reasonable explanation than- than the obvious but obviously impossible. He had to projecting. Right? Then again...couplings weren’t forbidden (even if Anakin couldn’t quite understand how people enjoyed just- having sex without any attachment).

The corners of Anakin’s lips twitched. The Master of the Order. Getting laid. Master Windu. In the Senatorial apartments. Mace Windu. What level had he gotten on? Above aides...diplomats probably. Should he ask? Force, this was too good- he couldn’t not ask.

Windu stared at him cooly and the knight instantly sobered. What was he thinking? Windu was obviously trying to trick him! If he said anything, Windu would turn it against him! Well, he wouldn’t be fooled so easily. Anakin spent the next several levels of descent staring forward, determined not to be the one to break the silence. 

He was so focused that he didn’t notice the lift slowing prematurely again until the doors opened; an elderly Rodian hobbled in. The two Jedi moved even further apart to allow the man some space.  The lift closed and newcomer glanced at the humans curiously. 

“Aren’t you Jedi? What are two Jedi doing here so early?”

“Bakery,” Mace and Anakin responded in unison, heads snapping to stare at the other in surprise.

The Rodian chuckled. “Oh, that Bellasan place, right?”

“Yes,” Windu replied smoothly. “They have a famously unique caf blend.”

“And you can’t get Sweesonberry rolls anywhere else,” Anakin added quickly, not letting the opportunity to firm up his cover go to waste.

“You mammals and your carbohydrates,” The elderly reptilian clucked, bemused.

Knight Skywalker and Master Windu exchanged wary looks. The door pinged open on level 4848. 

“Enjoy!” the overly entertained Rodian called out as they stepped out from the closing doors.

Anakin cleared his throat. “After you, Master Windu,” he said politely. CHECKMATE FUCKER.

But Windu just nodded serenely, striding confidently ahead, past the checkpoints and into the attached upper-crust market. After a very short walk, Anakin found himself in line behind Mace Windu at a pastry shop in the basement of his wife’s apartment building.

Anakin blearily thought that sentence through again, then subtly pinched the inside of his arm.

Nope, he was awake.

Every second that passed Anakin had to fight the steadily increasing urge to blurt out something stupid, and possibly incriminating, if not both. Just say something bland! Nothing about why they’re both here so early. Nothing about coming here before. Something casual.

“Smells good,” Anakin said.

Nailed it!

“Indeed,” Mace replied.

I’m a genius! He actually thinks I’m here for the bakery! He’s never going to suspect a thing! He was probably here for some boring pre-dawn meeting, and now I’ve got the perfect excuse to come visit Padme whenever! I can probably start sneaking off more often, I’ve just got to remember to bring back a pasty or something. And he can’t even say shit about un-Jedi like consumption!

“Skywalker-”

Oh no. Please be about the bakery. Pleasebeaboutthe

“Believe me when I tell you that I’d rather not ask-”

Oh NO. THIS ISN’T GOING TO BE ABOUT THE BAKERY. I’M AN IDIOT.

“-But did you fly here in a temple speeder?”

Cold sweat started to trickle down Anakin’s back as they shuffled forward automatically in the surprisingly long queue. Guess that’s why Padme woke me up so early.

“Knight Skywalker? Did you hear me?”

“Yes, Master Windu, sorry- I was, uh, distracted by the specials board. I, um, have my own hoverbike. Built it myself. No temple resources involved.”

“Sounds...distinctive.” Windu’s tone seemed neutral, but the way he pinched the bridge of his nose was obviously irritated. They stepped forward again. Why are so many people at this bakery so early? Guess we’re far enough down that day/night cycles don’t matter so much. Oh kriff, he’s massaging his temples now. Why is he mad about the bike? Is he going to ask where I landed it? Fuck.

Anakin swallowed the lump in his throat. “I- I thought it would be better to take personal property. Since this isn’t exactly order business.”

“That’s very responsible of you. Such...separation of personal from professional is an important skill for a Jedi.” 

The trickle of sweat down his spine increased. The Chosen One discretely wiped his sweaty palms on the inside of his sleeves and prayed that his outer robe was hiding any growing pit stains. 

Are we...actually talking about this? Is he going to admit to having an affair? Is he going to tell me to keep this quiet? I CAN BARELY KEEP MY OWN RELATIONSHIP SECRET! Does he know about Padme? Does he know we’re married? Is this conversation still about the bakery visit? Is HE married?

“However...such a vehicle might not be the most discrete. And discretion is also an important skill.”

Is he giving me permission to use the temple landspeeders to visit padme? Is he telling me to take the bus? WAIT! IS THIS A METAPHOR? Is he telling me to come here less? Is this still about the bakery? Did I actually check that I wasn’t still asleep or did I just dream that I checked?

“Do you understand, Knight Skywalker”

“I- uhh. I mean- well, ummm- OH look, it’s your turn to order!”

Master Windu stepped up to the counter. 

“Hello, again! Same as last time?”

OH FORCE GODS HE’S A REGULAR. THIS IS IT. I’M NEVER GOING TO GET TO SEE OBI-WAN OR ASHOKA AGAIN AND PADME’S CAREER IS GOING TO BE RUINED AND

“The same blend please, but please add on one of your Sweesonberry rolls- a friend recommended them.”

...Did Mace Windu just call me his friend?

“Excellent choice! Your friend has good taste!”

Mace Windu stepped to the side and Anakin Skywalker stepped up. “...I’ll have what he had.” 

A minute or two later, they were walking back to the lift, matching disposamugs and flimsibags in hand. 

To try and delay the inevitable, the pale and now very sweaty young Jedi took a sip of caf. He raised both brows involuntary. “This is...really good. Holy kriff. I don’t usually drink caf for the flavor but...wow.”

“Worth the trip?” Windu asked. Anakin choked a little but successfully managed to swallow. He took another sip to avoid answering. 

Windu took a bite of his roll, making a small noise of appreciation, “The pastry is also excellent. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth but this is remarkably smooth...I can’t say I’ve ever had anything quite like it.”

“Floral, right?” Anakin said, grinning into his cup. 

“Yes, that’s a good description.” Ha! I told Padme I was paying attention.

They drank companionably as the lift indicator dinged closer. 

“Skywalker...you’re parked on 4970, right?”

The knight nodded, too afraid to speak. The force seemed to swirl at the precipice of something. 

The Master sighed. “Look- I’ve got an unregistered van- this one time only, stow the speeder, and I’ll give you a ride back. If you’re visiting the bakery in the future- please take something with a closed cab. Last thing we need is the tabloids wondering where you’re going...”

Anakin nodded again, more eagerly again. He was practically being given permission to visit Padme! That was totally worth an excruciatingly awkward flight back to the temple! He just had to chew slowly so he couldn’t blurt out anything marriage related! He was a genius!

The lift opened.

“Jar-Jar!” Anakin said, surprised and pleased. “Wow, are you also here for the bakery? This place really is popular!”

“Ani! Little Ani! Wassa you doin here?” Jar-Jar looked around wildly, then stumbled out, foot catching at the gap. Windu darted forward and effortlessly saved the Gungan before he hit the floor, while Anakin stuck his arm forward to catch the closing door.

“Bakery, Jar Jar!” he said as he stepped inside. “I’d love to talk, but we’ve actually got to get back to the temple!”

Windu struggled to untangle himself from Jar-Jar, who was being particularly unhelpful about it, even for him. Wow he’s even clingier than usual this early in the morning. It’s nice how patient Master Windu is being; I feel like even Obi-Wan can be too hard on Jar-Jar sometimes.

“Actually Skywalker, why don’t you go on ahead and stow the bike- I just remembered I meant to pick something up for Council; I won’t take long.”

“Uh. Alright,” Anakin said, catching the keys. I guess I can’t really be late if I arrive with Master Windu.

“Ossa no!” Jar-Jar exclaimed sadly. “I was justa saying to Macey lassa night thatsa I missed talkin wit little Ani!”

Anakin smiled reassuringly as the lift began to close. “Don’t worry Jar-Jar! We’ll- catch uh-HOLD ON did you say LAST NIGHT?!”

Mace’s eyes closed in resignation as the door shut on the pair, Jar-Jar still tangled around the Jedi.

AND MACE WASN’T EVEN TRYING TO PUT HIM BACK UPRIGHT ANYMORE HOLY KRIFF JUST PUT THAT TOGETHER.

Anakin stared blankly at the metal walls as they rushed past. The lone Jedi Knight took a long sip of caff, then carefully placed the pastry bag and drink on the floor. He systematically wadded up the sleeve of his robe and shoved in his mouth. He then spent the next few minutes squealing with unholy glee while literally bouncing off the walls in a manner only accessible to a force sensitive in an elevator. He was still panting slightly when the lift opened on the primary parking level.

We can double date! Padme and I can host! I can help Mace and Jar-Jar plan their wedding! We can reform the order to allow for romantic love! I can be Jar-Jar’s best man! Padme and I can have another ceremony and Obi-Wan can give me away while Mace officiates and  and then we’ll all have sweesonbury cake and Jar-Jar can help teach our kids how to swim! 

With those dreamy thoughts running through his mind, it was child’s work to follow the the force to the unremarkable hovervan. He was humming to himself when Master Windu opened the door. 

He beamed at the older Jedi. Windu scowled in reply. Anakin smiled wider, unintimidated. He genuinely liked the Gungan, but anyone who could spend hours with Jar-Jar had to have a soft side.

“You know, Jar-Jar is a long time friend of Senator-”

“No.” Windu cut the eager words brusquely. 

Anakin shrank back, a little hurt.

(Maybe a lot hurt.)

Mace glanced over at the obviously crestfallen young General and sighed before amending his words.

“Not- Not right now, alright? Maybe if you’re miraculously more discrete about this than you are about your affection for Senator Amidala, then we can talk, understood?”

Anakin nodded with absolute determination, glimmering images of fairytale weddings visible once more. Distant, perhaps- but the chance was worth any amount of tongue biting. Now that there was a real, possible future where he could have it all, now that he knew Windu had a heart somewhere under his robes- he could be patient. 

He could be very patient.

Anakin calmed his grin down to a smaller, more Jedi-like smile, taking a sip of the cool but still really good caf. He channeled Obi-Wan’s most neutral diplomatic grace.

“Thank you for the ride, Master Windu. I appreciate it.”

Windu gave him an approving glance. “You’re more than welcome, Knight Skywalker.”

Feeling bold, he continued on with his best non-mocking impression of Obi-Wan.

"Have you had a chance to read the latest report on helmet redesigns? I think they might really improve peripheral vision without compromising concussive resistance.”

Mace hummed thoughtfully. “I have. I’m somewhat concerned about deploying such a radical change mid-campaign. Even better gear requires an adjustment period, and I’d rather minimize needless deaths while the troops readjust to hud flow.”

“Yes, that’s a reasonable concern, I was talking to Captain Rex-”

They spent the remainder of the flight chatting comfortably about troop safety and absentmindedly eating (or possibly stress eating in response to the prolonged absence of interpersonal conflict) the box of pastries Mace had picked up. When they arrived at the temple, they divvied up the remainder between them, quietly agreeing that there weren’t enough to share anyway. 

They continued their conversation, Master Windu accompanying him to the orbital loading bay. 

Obi-Wan rushed over in alarm at the sight of them approaching. “Anakin, there you are- I was starting to wonder if you’d make it. Terribly sorry Master Windu- I hope he wasn’t too much of a bother-”

“He’s not your padawan anymore, you don’t have to apologize for him. Though I do appreciate the reflex.”

“I suppose the concern isn’t completely baseless.” Anakin said, tone deliberately mildly. Mace chuckled slightly and Obi-Wan took a step back, slightly frightened by the sudden camaraderie. Anakin pretended to take a sip from his now empty disposamug to avoid fist pumping the air or cheering.

“I- Yes well- the important thing is you’re here in time for departure. What- what is that in the bag.”

Moment of Truth. Don’t freak out. Focus. Prove you can be discrete, THEN double dates, THEN Jedi Wedding Ceremony.

“Sweesonbury Roll,” Anakin answered placidly. He pretended to take another sip of caf. “Master Windu was kind enough to give me a ride from the bakery.”

“That’s- I’m sorry, what?” Anakin bit the inside of cheek to keep himself from reacting to Obi-Wan’s palpable bewilderment.

“I had to double back and get more, but we came straight here after,” Mace added helpfully, with zero hint of intentional mischief. “Oh and Skywalker- you can call me Mace if we’re not discussing temple business.”

Anakin SCREAMED (internally, of course). Outwardly, he simply bowed politely. “And you’re welcome to call me Anakin, of course.”

He deliberately avoided looking directly at Obi-Wan, his former Master’s bug-eyed reaction already pushing him to the edge, even just visible as it was out of the corner of his eye.

Windu nodded in return. “Safe travels you two. May the force with you.”

“And with you.” Anakin replied.

“May the force be with you,” Obi-Wan rushed to say, after a short delay.

Master Windu turned and exited the cargo bay doors. Anakin threw out the mug in a nearby bin, pulling out a roll and biting into it before turning to face Obi-Wan. They made eye-contact, each waiting for the other to break first. Usually that would be Anakin, but he had goals now. The Knight chewed. His Master’s eyes narrowed. The older man (who may have aged significantly in the last 5 minutes) finally broke.

“Who are you?”

Anakin just sighed, maintaining the Kenobi impression. “Come on Master, we don’t want to keep the troops waiting.” With that, he walked forward, hiding his smile as Obi-Wan followed closely at his heels. 

“Since when does my apprentice visit bakeries with Mace Windu?” Obi-Wan asked, almost desperately.

“You’re making it sound like a bigger deal than it is.” 

Master Kenobi sputtered as the pair opened the airlock for the short-range shuttle. 

Anakin mustered up an earnest smile. “Master? Would you mind flying- I’m still eating and-”

Obi-Wan made an incoherent noise of horrified outrage before fumbling for his communicator. 

“What are you doing?”

“NOTHING IS MAKING SENSE RIGHT NOW. EITHER YOU AND MACE NEED TO GO TO THE HEALING HALLS OR I DO!”

Anakin burst out laughing. “Relax Obi-Wan, I’m messing with you, holy shit. Obviously I’m flying.”

Obi-Wan slumped into the co-pilot seat, rubbing at his eyes. “Don’t do that Anakin! My nerves are stretched thin enough by the war as it is-”

“Sorry, Sorry!”

They strapped in and took off, Anakin still chuckling occasionally, Obi-Wan scowling in irritation each time. 

They ascended above the towering skyline alongside the first rays of sunlight.

“So you didn’t go to a bakery with Master Windu this morning?”

“Uhh-”

[touhou-gensoudairantou]

Can I get a fuckin uhhhhhh CommanderVideo moveset

(Dear Anon who requested this, I’m sorry I ignored this for so long, you really threw me a curveball and I struggled for so long on how I would even go about a fighter like this since I never really gave his games much thought before. However, upon doing research, I came to respect what these games have done for the Indie scene by being so bold with its aesthetic sense, and gaining so much attention with so much simple gameplay. I hope that my interpretation of what CV would be like in Smash does him justice. ...I swear to God, if CV is announced for real in Smash at E3 this year, I’m gonna shit an entire house. Regardless, I hope you enjoy this if you haven’t given up. -With love, Tsuki-Sennin.)

BIT.TRIP Presents... Gensou Dairantou Smash Bros.! Now Featuring CommanderVideo! (The Mysterious Voxel Hero Beyond Time)

(His appearance in this game would likely be a combination of his looks in BIT.TRIP Runner and Super Meat Boy.) Overview: The mysterious, psychedelic hero known as CommanderVideo. His appearance is simple, reminiscent of a long past and especially primitive era of games played on wooded consoles with only one joystick and button per controller. His past, on the other hand, is quite complicated. Enduring a journey of hardship and growth stretching from his youth in the brilliantly inventive BIT.TRIP BEAT all the way to his passing on in BIT.TRIP FLUX, CV took the Indie world by storm with challenging Atari-inspired rhythm and high-speed running games recognized by the Big N themselves, to the point where he was immortalized as a trophy in Smash 4! His hobbies likely include racquetball, jogging, and music. Much like Mr. Game and Watch, he’s a wafer-thin sprite acting in a three-dimensional space, which makes for a fascinating opponent to watch in battle. Get all those unfunny Among Us memes out of you at the door, then strap in for a... challenging, to say the least, concept fighter. As the battle goes on, he can accumulate lightning speeds and incredible attacking power from his MODEs, but be careful. Even a small misstep can cost you dearly with a hitbox as big as he is. He is only a man, but he is not alone. He is ready. Don’t lose your beat!

Intro Animation: CV popping out of the ground and running forward like he does in Runner, before slowing down.

Gimmick: MODEs are the mark of how well you’re doing in any given BIT.TRIP title, and as such it’d be carried over here. Landing multiple special attacks without getting hit will cause CV to MODE-Up from HYPER to MEGA, represented by him getting a Pink Core just above his fighter icon at the bottom of the screen and him gaining his signature technicolor trail behind him as he runs. That means the power of his attacks, and his movement speed will increase with each mode increase. Getting hit too many times will cause you to MODE-Down, which’ll naturally bring you back to normal. Screwing up too many times, however, will cause you to fall to NETHER MODE, and your attacks will do pitiful damage and slow your movement and non-special attacks to a snail’s pace until you get yourself together. However, you do gain a slight boost to your knockback resistance and overall damage is reduced, so you won’t get so severely punished for relatively minor damage. Fans of the Pokémon Archeops such as myself are no doubt jealous. If you can chain together massive combos however, you will be delighted by the speed and intensity of your attacks... but don’t run off the stage now, will you? If you get hit once in EXTRA or above, you’ll MODE-Down.

To put it simply, if NETHER’s speed is equal to Robin, then EXTRA and above are among the highest speed in the game. Got all that? Good, here’s an easy chart. NETHER <- (HYPER) -> MEGA -> SUPER -> ULTRA -> EXTRA -> GIGA -> META

Whew... Now let’s talk Specials. I uh... can’t really think about what kind of standard attacks or tilts our good Commander would have aside from some fairly standard stuff like uh... kicks, maybe reflecting beats into the opponents. His aerials would likely just be more of the same too.

His Dash Attack lets him run into the opponent with the Paddle acting as a shield like it does in Runner. And he’s got a fairly standard but strong slide attack for his Down Tilt!

However, his Smash attacks allow him to fire high-powered lasers. Just like the kind he uses in FATE. And they come with cameos too!

Up Smash: Junior Melchkin Shot. Fires thin lasers into the air only slightly stronger than CV’s Beat anti-air Up Tilt. However, the signal from his antenna also doubles as an attack, so you have two hitboxes to work with! Probably the attack you’ll get the least use out of, but hey!

Side Smash: Mr. Robotube Shot. Fires two streams of bullets in a sine wavelike pattern. It’s super strong and easily pierces through walls and opponents with ease.

Down Smash: CommandgirlVideo Shot. A pair of conical triple spread shots, each facing away from each other. This is a sweeping move that can easily knock a lightweight opponent off their feet. You can tell she’s a girl because she’s pink-ish... and in some games, happens to have boobies. Refreshingly, she’s not a love interest, so I appreciate that at least.

Neutral B: The Red Core. Unlike the Paddle, which is purely for defensive counters, the Red Core allows CV to destroy projectiles and attack with lasers! The Red Core’s lasers can nullify lesser projectiles, and it also has a lot of extra power.

Side B: The Paddle. A nameless icon from the ancient 8-bit era of gaming, the Paddle was a stalwart object of protection for the developing CV in his debut to the world, even guiding him to the afterlife in FLUX. It’s mostly for reflecting Beats, but in Smash it can reflect damn near any projectile that comes its way. It can also be maneuvered up and down by distance equivalent to CV’s height. However, it can be slashed or punched right through, so be careful.

Up B: Spring. CV bounces up on a spring straight out of Runner, going for a pretty high distance. Unlike Sonic’s Spring Jump, CV’s Spring remains in place no matter where on the screen he uses, but causes almost double the damage.

Down B: The Void. The namesake of VOID, in which you absorb black Beats while knocking away white ones. Here in Smash, it functions identically to Ness and Lucas’s PSI Magnet, although the recovery rate only half and the range is somewhat wider. It also does rather small damage.

Bomb: Beat-Clearing Bomb. This is a feature in CORE that allows you to remove Beats from the screen.

Final Smash: BIT.TRIP. CV calls upon the Paddle to slam down on up to three opponents, doing large starting damage

The opponents are taken through a montage of CV’s life, amping up from HYPER in BEAT all the way to META in FLUX as they are pelted by an onslaught of Beats doing chip damage from the games’ various playable entities, and guest attacks from fan-favorite characters like Mr. Robotube and CommandgirlVideo, before finally being reflected by an enormous version of the Paddle in FLUX, doing major knockback.

Victory Screens:

-CV and CommandgirlVideo grilling up a pair of sausages.

-CV posing alongside his Trophy from Smash 4 before jumping over it and looping around the screen.

-CV suddenly transforms into his 3D incarnation from Runner3, then runs around on screen.

Naturally, CV comes with all of his series’ absolute BANGER of an OST, so no need to worry about that.

Uhh... some of my favorites are Descent from BEAT, Exploration from CORE, Super-Ego from VOID, and Triumph from RUNNER.

Enjoy these tracks in the meantime, because I gotta get ready for E3 and plan this silly project of mine accordingly. Thank you for your time!

[pa-panda-heroes]

Loved your hugging hcs with the LoV and heroes! I was wondering if you could do a “how they confess to you” for the bakusquad?

Thank you, anoni! I absolutely can :> hope you enjoy!!

~🐼

How the BakuSquad confesses to you!

Katsuki:

Well, to say Katsuki is one with nicely wording his feelings well would be... false. An absolute lie. An incorrigible fallacy. Utterly incomprehensible.

He’s not great with expressing how he feels; it doesn’t come natural to him. I’m not saying he doesn’t know what he’s feeling, of course he knows what’s going through his own noggin.

And he especially doesn’t want an audience. He’d be damned if he let it slip accidentally, too.

So, first step - isolate you for a bit. Optimally, he’d have you come over to study or help him with something work-related. Maybe he’d ask you to help with repairs to his costume. “Katsuki, you can send it somewhere to get fixed.” “You’re doin’ it anyway!”

But his preferred route would be to take you somewhere, like a movie or whatever it is you prefer.

Katsuki will be closer physically than normal as he tries to put something coherent together that will tell you he has feelings for you. If your focus isn’t on him, he’ll lean over your shoulder to peer at whatever you’re doing in hopes that he can get it out without you having to see his face. But no.

After a while he’d just blurt out, “I don’t want to be your friend.” Obviously it’s not a great idea to start with that, but oops. He’s calm and a bit pouty when he says it, which is confusing for you.

It’s upon glancing at your look of absolute horror that he realizes oh shit that came out wrong! And so his face contorts into that almost comical snare and he yells at you that, “no, not like that, you idiot!”

If you pick up on what he’s saying and teasingly go through different titles (best friend, ultra best friend, etc.), his temper will flare and he’ll get flustered. But if you don’t, he’ll slap a palm to his forehead and groan. Either way, he’ll next spit out one word and one word only: “boyfriend.”

You almost can’t hear it. He’ll look away bashfully - but not without a scowl. “I wanna take you out, dumbass,” he’ll mutter.

“In a date way or murder way?”

“Murder way if you keep that shit up!”

Eijirou

So, I can’t see it being easy for Eijirou to hide his feelings. He can do it, but he gets flustered!

Like Katsuki, he would conjure up some sort of plan that involved you away from the others, just the two of you. But nothing like your everyday activities.

Obviously it’s going to be something you enjoy, but Eijirou loves nature so he’s going to try to find something relating to that. Maybe you’ll go to an aquarium, maybe a zoo. But he’d love to hike with you!

Unlike Katsuki, he’d be nervous. Every once in a while you can hear him encouraging himself under his breath, telling himself to get on with it, that he needs to be manly and be honest about how he feels.

Whether you are or not, if Eijirou has feelings for you he’s going to call you “manly,” as for him it’s a great compliment and one of the easiest ways for him to show adoration. I think he equates kind and strong-hearted with “manly,” personally.

He’d start out with telling you how much he admires you, be it bits of your personality or things you do and have done. And then, more shyly, he’d go on about your physical attributes or mannerisms he likes.

And then it comes: “I kinda like you!”

His eyes are shut tight and his face contorts like he’s in pain, waiting for your response and hoping that you feel the same way. But it’s adorable anyway.

And if you accept? And return his feelings? He’s on cloud nine with relief and definitely will fist bump the air in victory! He’ll be relieved and ridiculously happy, like a kid in a candy store.

Denki: tumblr why is there no yellow how dare u

Of course the only way for this adorable dork to confess is accidentally. Through memes. Because let’s be honest, if you’re friends with Kaminari Denki, you’re meme buddies with Kaminari Denki.

He’ll send crush-related memes to you all the time, though none of them somehow apply to you, so it’s not obvious. He’s not stupid!

Little do you know, he’ll make his own memes that center around him and your being his crush and send them to whoever realizes he has feelings for you first. Or whoever he trusts enough not to forward the memes to you.

And that’s not how you find out - no, no one sends them to you to mess with Denki or get him to finally confess. It’s not like that.

The poor boy does it himself! He’s trying to send a particular meme he’s made about you to Mina, but accidentally drops his phone and desperately tries to grab it. And whoops. It sent the meme to you.

Now he‘s in panic mode. He can’t unsend it. But you can’t know how he feels. What if you don’t feel the same way? It’s scary!

He’ll follow it up with a “...uh, surprise?” text after some a lot encouragement from his friends to go through with it. There was no denying it...

Needless to say he’s a crying mess, dramatically sobbing that his life is over now that you know, and if you don’t feel the same way.

But when you text back another meme confirming that, yes, you feel the same way, he dies a little bit inside and goes to heaven. He’ll get so excited he’ll literally become static and shock anyone around him accidentally.

Mina:

Mina is a very straightforward girl - ain’t nobody got time for blushing and cooing and hiding her face like a schoolgirl with a crush on her senpai.

She’ll know it immediately, and she’ll know what to do with it, but she’s not going to confess without at least knowing you enjoy her company or like her as a person. She may be teasing and rambunctious sometimes, but she’s still considerate!

I can’t see her caring about who’s around when she tells you, so it’s possible she’ll confess to you surrounded by good company! That said, she wants you comfortable when she tells you, so whether or not others are around depends on you.

She might be a little nervous, but it won’t affect her drastically.

Her friendly teasing will increase tenfold leading up to her confession, so be prepared to give her a taste of her own medicine!

Mina’s choice of words will be pretty straightforward - “I like you romantically! What about you, though...?” But this is when her anxiety shows. She’ll probably avoid eye contact a little, or fiddle with her hands behind her back so you can’t see. Although, all the while she’s smiling at you.

And afterward she just crashes. Like the “oh my god it’s over and I’m exhausted” kind of crash, but she’ll still obviously be in a good mood!

If you accept, her head will drop on your shoulder in relief and she’ll be overdramatic in a cute way about it! Because woah! It happened!

She’ll immediately start planning your first date after! She’ll be really giddy and constantly asks for your input.

I’m going to leave Sero out for now because I’m not really sure what to put for him 😞 I’m sorry, anoni!

[maeve-of-winter]

Snippet from a WIP: that time Kent’s various visits to Boston spawned a fan meltdown and official meme. Told from Jack’s POV, hence some saltiness.

* * * * *

Back during Kent’s second season with the Aces, fans had started regularly spotting him waltzing around the Boston area. While Aces fans were wondering why Kent was so often in Boston, Boston fans were constantly on the lookout for the Aces captain who might be visiting their city. Forget Jagr Watch—2011-2012 was the year of Parson Watch. And then, as Kent entered his fourth season, his time in Boston only increased, and rumors of him transferring there started to surface and then multiply.

Vegas responded to their star player’s regular trips to northeast by, as Holster once ever so eloquently described it, “promptly losing every iota of their shit and never regaining a single scintilla of it.” Maybe it was because the Aces were Nevada’s only pro sports team, maybe it was because they’d grown attached to Parson, who’d won them a Cup his rookie season and then in 2012 as well, but Kent’s travels had Aces fans in a constant uproar. A tsunami of paranoia swept through them that the reason for Kent visiting Boston was because he was planning on signing with the Bruins. And once that rumor got started, online debates raged more intensely than a nuclear winter could ever hope to, complete with fear-mongering unseen since the Cold War, all focusing on if Kent was staying in Vegas or going to Boston. 

During one of his visits, Kent posted a selfie to his Instagram of himself and Chara having drinks together at the upscale bar of the Langham Hotel. Rather than enthusing about Kent’s fashion sense or waxing poetic about how easygoing and friendly he was (as Aces fans typically did in comments on Kent’s social media pages, Jack had often observed in annoyance), their ensuing meltdown was only matched by the Vancouver riots back from when Kent won the gold for Team USA in the 2010 Olympics. The photo’s comments were promptly inundated with demands that he reveal if he was signing with the Bruins or not, often accompanied by insistence that he “owed” fans an explanation for his actions. It got to the point that NHL Network did an actual segment at the next home Aces game, featuring numerous Aces fans (of varying levels of sobriety) tearfully expressing how much Kent Parson meant to them, how deeply they loved him, and how much they hated the Bruins for trying to steal him away from them (despite no evidence that the Bruins had done so).     

Jack knew these details because he’d been in the Haus’s living room with a few teammates when the interviews had first aired. Holster and Ransom had been watching, bursting into laughter each time an Aces fan, from a burly biker dude to a duo of teenage girls in Uggs and leggings, proclaimed their love for Kent and hate for Boston. 

“Well, I’ll say this about Vegas,” Ransom said, cracking up as a father of four, his teenage sons looking on concernedly, practically sobbed onscreen at the thought of Kent leaving the team. “One thing Aces fans and us Bruins fans have in common? They’re both fucking lunatics. Just look at this shit. Parson told everyone he’s not going anywhere! Like, ten times already!”

Holster chortled as well, taking a swig of his beer. “Right? I can’t believe an expansion team has this devoted of a fanbase. Bettman’s dream has come true, I guess. But come on, you’d be lucky to have a marriage these days with a fucking tenth of this much passion!”

After the interviews aired, a twitter war broke out, with Bruins fans responding to Aces fans’ vocal resentment of them with disdain and insults of their own. Aces fans retaliated, and a short-lived rivalry was born that day, a rare one that only existed between hockey fans themselves and not the actual teams or players. 

But that was Kent. Able to tear people apart with just a hypothetical, his actual presence not even required.

In fact, the question of if Kent was going to sign with the Bruins spawned a viral meme, one that became so widespread that even if someone knew nothing else about hockey, they were at least in on this joke. From that point forward, whenever Kent was spotted in another city, be it because he was vacationing or there for an official game, fans would snap a photo and jokingly include a caption wondering if he was going to sign with the local NHL team. If the city had no team, fans would claim that Kent was obviously there to start one. It became the “in” activity to remark on any of Kent’s non-Vegas photos that he would no doubt soon be moving to the city or town in question. He’d once joined Jeff Troy for Christmas, travelling back with him to Troy’s home of Milk River, Alberta. After posting a selfie, his comments section were filled with jokes that the tiny town with a population of just over eight hundred people would be the site of the NHL’s latest expansion team, with Kent as its first member.

But for Vegas, it was no laughing matter. They loved Kent (to an unhealthy degree, in Jack’s opinion) and were possessive of him. It was their worst fear to lose him to another team. He was their hero, their golden boy, the favorite son of their city. 

He was to Vegas, Jack conceded reluctantly, what he had once been to Jack and his family.

[tigerkirby215]

5e Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty build (My Little Pony: FIM)

(Artwork by 14-bis on DeviantArt. It’s remarkably hard to find “regular” artwork of Rainbow Dash, but it probably helps that I’m looking on DeviantArt.)

From DOTA to garbage brony shit! Anyone who’s been around either my YouTube or DeviantArt (no I’m not linking them) would know I’m a brony. It’s been awhile since I’ve watched the show but I do still genuinely love the community. Say what you will but the brony community is dedicated, artistic, and genuinely friendly.

I came up with this concept awhile ago on r/whatwouldyoubuild and once again in an attempt to branch out from League of Legends I figured I’d take a crack at probably the most iconic pony of the show. Yeah suck it Twilight you may be the main character but do you have spectrum hair?

GOALS

10 seconds flat - Rainbow needs to fly fast; fast enough to make a sonic boom of color.

Time to take out the adorable trash - SUPER ACTION HORSE; SHE REALLY KICKS!

Egghead - Rainbow’s got a colorful personality, with plenty of quips in the heat of the moment.

RACE

Pegasi fly. You know what D&D race is known for flight? Aarakocra! Flight is basically all you get as an Aarakocra, but you get to fly a whopping 50 feet as early as level 1! Other than that you get some Ability Score increases: a +2 to Dexterity but I’d suggest moving that Wisdom increase to your Charisma instead thanks to Tasha’s. The only other important thing of note is that you get Talons that do a d4 slashing damage; perhaps more of a gryphon thing but if you DM lets you deal bludgeoning damage instead you could consider these to be hooves.

If Aarakocra isn’t allowed: Flight is kinda a requirement to play Rainbow Dash, but it’s not a requirement for the build. Feel free to use whatever race you want and adapt this build to it.

Chances are if your DM isn’t allowing Aarakocra then they won’t allow other flying races like Winged Tieflings. Though I would perhaps suggest asking your DM if you can nerf the  Aarakocra’s fly speed down to 30. Because yeah: 50 foot flying speed at level 1 is kinda crazy.

ABILITY SCORES

15; STRENGTH - Applejack may be the workerpony but it takes a lot of body strength to kick the clouds into shape!

14; CONSTIUTION - Dexterity would be more in-character but Constitution is far more useful. Feel free to swap CON and DEX for better roleplay but worse health.

13; CHARISMA - I’m pretty sure RD has a solid 70% of the fan content made about her specifically.

12; DEXTERITY - Who would’ve ever guessed that flying fast takes dexterity?

10; WISDOM - Rainbow Dash can be a bit of a hot head at times, acting without thinking when her ambition gets the better of her.

8; INTELLIGENCE - Finish studying for that exam yet?

BACKGROUND

For someone who uses the Athlete feat in far too many builds it’s rather surprising that I don’t use the Athlete background from Theros more! As an Athlete you get proficiency in Athletics and Acrobatics for all sorts of aerial sports, along with a language of your choice (pick your fancy) and while you’d normally get Land Vehicles see if your DM will perhaps allow Air Vehicles?

Your main feature Echoes of Victory makes it more likely that ponies all around Equestria have heard of the great Rainbow Dash! It also allows you to participate in some sporting events to earn a living when you’re not at work clearing the clouds.

(Artwork by nightcreepmax on DeviantArt.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - ROGUE 1

Starting off with Rogue levels because skill proficiencies are always nice! Take Perception, Persuasion, Insight, and of course Performance with a backing track by Daniel Ingram! You also get Expertise in two skills: Athletics and Acrobatics will help with Wonderbolts-tier stunts!

You learn Thieves’ Cant as a Rogue, which is like a language... but awesome, and only shared by other awesome Rogues. But of course the main appeal of a Rogue is their Sneak Attack, allowing you do an extra d6 of damage through the power of friendship! (Or having advantage on your attacks.)

You can only sneak attack with a finesse weapon but I’d suggest wielding something like a rapier and flavoring it as a really sharp horseshoe. See if your DM will allow you a bludgeoning finesse weapon.

LEVEL 2 - ROGUE 2

You’ve heard of Rainbow Dash, now get ready for Rainbow Disengage! Cunning Action lets you Dash, Disengage, or Hide as a Bonus Action.

LEVEL 3 - BARBARIAN 1

I hope you didn’t expect Rainbow Dash to be the sneaky type! Barbarians get Unarmored Defense at level 1, so you can ditch the leather jacket and instead get AC equal to your Constitution plus your Dexterity!

But of course the main appeal of playing a Barbarian is the ability to Rage with the power of friendship! You can enter a Rage as a Bonus Action for advantage on strength checks and saves, extra damage on melee attacks using strength, and resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage. Your Rage lasts 1 minute but ends early if you are knocked down or go a full round without attacking or being attacked.

You may note that you can only use strength for Rage’s damage bonus damage, which of course conflicts with the Rogue’s requirement for Finesse weapons... Guess what! You can use strength with Finesse weapons, meaning you can Sneak Attack with your strength!

LEVEL 4 - BARBARIAN 2

Second level Rogues get to play with danger! Reckless Attack lets you give yourself Advantage on your attack rolls at risk of enemies having Advantage against you. Now here’s where you cheat the system: if you have advantage on an attack... you can sneak attack! “Oh yeah; that is awesome.”

Additionally: do you know what helps with death-defying stunts? Looking forward. Danger Sense gives you advantage on Dexterity saving throws against effects you can see coming. So if someone throws a ball of fire at you just dodge out of the way!

LEVEL 5 - BARBARIAN 3

Third level Barbarians get to choose their Primal Path, and to smite your foes with the power of awesomeness the Path of the Zealot will let you channel a Rainboom into every hit! While raging, you can channel Divine Fury into the first target you hit to do additional damage equal to a d6 plus half your Barbarian level. The damage can be either Radiant or Necrotic; Radiant makes more sense but if you think Necrotic damage would be more useful it’s nice to have that option.

You also have the power of plot armor thanks to Warrior of the Gods. If you die you can be revived without the use of expensive diamonds, because My Little Pony is a kids’ show. Man can you imagine if they killed off one of the main characters in a kids’ show? That would be wild.

Additionally Tasha’s provided Barbarians with Primal Knowledge for some more skill proficiencies. I’m sure you picked up on some Survival skills at Wonderbolts camp; it’s good to be able to survive if you break your wings and get stranded in the wilderness.

(Artwork by radiostarkiller on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 6 - BARBARIAN 4

4th level Barbarians get our first Ability Score Improvement: as much of a meme as taking Athlete is Resilient (Strength) is far more useful for keeping alive and avoiding danger.

LEVEL 7 - BARBARIAN 5

5th level Rogues get an Extra Attack, so you can attack twice in a round! So awesome! Additionally your movement speed increases by 10 feet thanks to Fast Movement, so you’re a little closer to reaching Sonic Rainboom speeds!

LEVEL 8 - ROGUE 3

Third level Rogues get to choose their Roguish Archetype. Man I wish there was a Rogue that was based on moving fast and taunting their foes... oh hello Swashbuckler! Swashbuckler gets two features at third level but it’s basically 3 features in total: Fancy Footwork lets you dash move normally away from a target you attempted to stab, making them unable to attack you with a reaction.

Rakish Audacity meanwhile lets you add your Charisma to your initiative rolls, and it lets you Sneak Attack an enemy in melee if they don’t have friends nearby, even if you don’t meet the requirements to Sneak Attack! Of course you could just use Reckless Attack for Advantage to Sneak Attack, but at least your Sneak Attack increases to 2d6!

LEVEL 9 - ROGUE 4

4th level Rogues get another Ability Score Improvement: more Strength will let you “kick” (read: stab) harder.

(Artwork by Skitsroom on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 10 - ROGUE 5

5th level Rogues get Uncanny Dodge to be as potent as a pony. If you get hit on your turn by an attack you can see you can use your reaction to take half damage instead! Additionally your Sneak Attack damage increases to 3d6.

LEVEL 11 - ROGUE 6

6th level Rogues get Expertise in two more skills: Persuasion will be useful in the future, and Perception will help you mind your head.

LEVEL 12 - ROGUE 7

7th level Rogues get Evasion for some truly death-defying stunts! If you succeed on a Dexterity saving throw you’ll take no damage instead of half damage, and even if you fail your save you’ll only take half damage instead of full damage! “Danger is my middle name!” Additionally your Sneak Attack damage is now 4d6.

LEVEL 13 - ROGUE 8

8th level means another Ability Score Improvement: cap off that Strength so that you can succeed at any athletics contest. “Look ma; no wings!”

LEVEL 14 - ROGUE 9

9th level Rogues can make quips that bronies will buy tee-shirts of. Panache lets you taunt, or lets you charm! As an action, you can make a Persuasion check contested by a creature’s Insight. The creature must be able to hear you, and the two of you must share a language.

If it’s an enemy it’ll have disadvantage to hit anyone who isn’t you, which is good because you’re a bulky Barbarian girl. The effect lasts for 1 minute but ends early if one of your friends hits them.

Alternatively if that person was just some average everypony, you can charm them! Everyone’s friends with Rainbow Dash, after all! Unless you’re not, obviously. Then you can have a 5d6 Sneak Attack!

(Artwork by Dawnf1re on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 15 - BARBARIAN 6

6th level Zealot Barbarians gain a Fanatical Focus. Once per Rage if you fail a saving throw you can reroll it, because you’re a main character and you’re just that awesome.

LEVEL 16 - BARBARIAN 7

7th level Barbarians get Feral Instinct: so you know how you’re adding your Charisma to your initiative? Well now you have advantage on initiative checks too! Additionally, being around Pinkie Pie means that you know how to react to surprises: and that reaction is to RAGE!

Additionally Tasha’s gives you Instinctive Pounce, letting you move half your movement speed when you Rage. So it’s like half a dash!

LEVEL 17 - BARBARIAN 8

8th level Barbarians get another Ability Score Improvement and I’ll leave this up to you: more Charisma will give you better initiative and an easier time taunting your foes, but more Constitution means more health and armor.

Just decide if you want to be an awesome fighter or have awesome one-liners. Either way you’ll be awesome!

(Artwork by Underpable on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 18 - BARBARIAN 9

You know how you’re probably rolling most things with Advantage? Well Brutal Critical allows you to add an extra weapon damage die to any crit you might make. So instead of 2d8 + 12d6 + 4, it’ll be 3d8 + 12d6 + 4. “Another great feat of heroism!”

LEVEL 19 - BARBARIAN 10

10th level Zealot Barbarians are so awesome everyone else can benefit from their awesomeness. Zealous Presence will let you use your Bonus Action to give all allies within 60 feet advantage on attack rolls and saving throws until the start of your next turn. You can only use this ability once per Long Rest, so save that Rainboom to truly turn the tide!

Additionally Tasha’s Primal Knowledge gives you another skill proficiency, so take Animal Handling to take the Tank as the tank.

LEVEL 20 - BARBARIAN 11

11th level Barbarians get plot armor, because they’re in a kids’ show. If you’re knocked down to 0 HP Relentless Rage allows you to make a DC 10 CON save while raging to instead drop to 1. You can make this save multiple times but the DC increases by 5 every time and well... your Constitution isn’t exactly earth-shattering, so you’ll probably get two uses out of this at best. Still: defying death twice is more than enough to beat the bad guys! I mean probably.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

I liked it... A LOT - So. Your weapon does a d8 + 5 of damage, your Sneak Attack does 5d6, your Rage does a d6 + 8, and if you crit all your dice get multiplied and you get to add an extra d8 on top of that. In short: you can do a total of 1d8 + 6d6 + 13 damage with one hit (average of 42 damage), or 3d8 + 12d6 + 13 damage on a crit! (Average of 76 damage!)

Seriously; I’d do it for anypony - You work fine alone but the Elements of Harmony work best with friends. Panache helps you keep your friends safe and Zealous Presence lets you make them awesome!

I hate losing - You’re certainly tanky with nearly 200 health, but you know what’s exceptionally fun? Cheating death near constantly. You’ve got two chances to go down to 1 HP instead of 0 while raging, and if they do happen to knock you down Rarity won’t have to sacrifice any diamonds to bring you back! No need for a robotic Rainbow Dash today!

CONS

If I go down, I’m going down flying! - Your AC isn’t great, as you had to invest everything into Strength to be able to smash people big time. Well at least you can wear Medium Armor right? Oh wait you can’t because armor will stop you from using your wings.

Want to know the opposite of agility? That! - So I like level 1 in Rogue for skill proficiencies (by the way you have a surprising amount of them thanks to Tasha’s), but while DEX saves are really nice with both Evasion and Danger Sense you’re lacking Constitution saves. And I mean, let’s not address the elephant in the room of your pitiful Wisdom and Charisma saves.

This competition isn’t for the weak - This build is rather MAD, requiring high Strength, Constitution, Charisma, and at least 13 in DEX. I’m just saying that this might be a build you want to point buy for: put 12 into DEX (+2 from race makes it 14) and 14 in Strength, Constitution, and Charisma. Heck, you can even get one of them up to a 15 with Point Buy!

But ponies aren’t just born awesome. (I mean, they are. Have you seen that mane?) You’ve gotta work to be awesome! Fight the good fight for your friends and save Equestria from both basic friendship troubles and world-ending villains! Participate in a few races while you’re at it and maybe try to find a pet too. Heck, maybe read a book too while you’re at it. You egghead.

(Artwork by JaDeDJynX on DeviantArt.)

[your-villainous-neighbour]

how did you know you have adhd??

Oof okay here we goes

(Long post, strap in)

So, during 10th grade, with the pressure of board exams looming over me like a goddamn cloud of despair with Absolutely No silver lining, I was struggling big (BIG) time because everyone was telling me to start studying right from day 1. And I just. Physically couldn't.

But naturally, my style was to leave Everything till the absolute last minute and then engage in panic-driven hyperfocus for 8-12 hours straight. A method which had ceased to work as effectively that year, as compared to the last 9. With the sudden increase in the amount of stuff I had to study, hyperfocusing for even 14 hours no longer worked (haha. surprise surprise).

Meanwhile, every adult around me was Heavily attacking me for "not doing enough" and screeching about how I'm "goinG TO REGRET IT WHY AREN'T YOU WORKING HARDER WHATS WRONG WITH YOU JUST DO 2 HOURS A DAY OH MY GOD IT ISN'T THAT HARD WHY WON'T YOU JUST TRY-"

I was trying. Real hard. It's just that nobody could see it.

And also, obviously, my "trying real hard" stopped 5 minutes into sitting at my desk, because filling in the margins on my books with ink was infinitely more interesting than, say, Nationalism In Europe™

So. Cue the whole "I Am Lazy And Therefore Undeserving Of Rights So Now I Will Blame Myself Because My Unproductivity Is A Conscious Choice. Time To Have Constant Breakdowns" routine.

And then, once, in the middle of one of those breakdowns, I was scrolling through Tumblr's depression tag (I was emo and desperate for answers don't clown on me) and came across this recurring thing called "executive dysfunction". Proceeded to look for posts specifically about that, with the hope that I'll learn something that'll explain why I can write chapters worth of marvel fanfic in one 6 hour sitting, but can't do biology for shit.

Interesting, I thought. Quite relatable, I thought. Holy shit that's literally me, I thought.

Then I was supremely disappointed that executive dysfunction was a symptom of something else, not a diagnosable mental disorder in itself.

I'd very nearly lost all hope and accepted that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me (not that ADHD is "wrong", but you get the drift) and that I'm just. Extremely lazy and self destructive and very into daydreaming for seemingly no reason. other than I'm Like This.

Buuut then I put a little more effort into looking up what executive dysfunction is, exactly, and what it could be a symptom of. Google said "depression" and I said yes yes I know I'm big sad but that's noT IT I CAN TELL THERE'S MORE TO IT-

Eventually I discovered ADHD could be one of the causes. At first I was in denial because "hey I haven't shown any symptoms whatsoever so far??? In all 15 years of life???" (a lie) "I don't have ADHD, nope, nah, not possible. This is just me trying to find excuses to avoid blaming myself. If I had ADHD I would've known by now, despite there being very little awareness of ADHD around me. I am lazy and trying to avoid taking responsibility for it. This is a completely understandable line of thought."

I know. I'm cringing too.

But curiosity killed the cat, or in this case, got the very ADHD teen a prescription for ADHD meds. I began absently scrolling through the ADHD tag on Tumblr, For Fun™ and slowly realising that I relate to every. Goddamn. Post. Under the tag.

Now this DEFINITELY had my interest.

Started doing research, reading papers from psychiatrists, taking "do I have ADHD?" quizzes from websites run by psychiatric institutions, watching people with ADHD talk about their experiences (shout-out to How To ADHD on yt, you saved my life babe), taking EVEN more quizzes, getting scores of 90% or higher on ALL of them, and laughing in private at ADHD memes which I felt I didn't "deserve", to relate to, but did nonetheless (lol wonder why) This went on for a few weeks. Or a few days idk I don't understand time.

And finally, one day, it just. Clicked.

Oh wow.

I've got ADHD, haven't I?

....

Fast forward a few more weeks and I went to this really sweet psychiatrist (who I still go to), and she listened to me talk for 2 whole sessions before going good GOD this child is the very PICTURE of ADHD let's get her some meds STAT

And here we are today :)

[glowinggator]

Hi there! First of all thank you for the short haired reader Headcanons, it was so sweet !

I’d like a matchup please! She/they, INFP, curly short hair+ freckles, rosy checks, chubby/curvy hufflepuff, 5’9, shy but friendly, Loud w friends, nerdy, like memes, books, animated movies, painting, n’ artist stuff. My friends says I’m very funny but also very naive, I have one of those obnoxious funny laughs you don’t see it coming from a mile away ( bc im usually kinda quiet ) but those that it makes others laugh from just hearing it? So yeah abbrjgkdkdn, a softie not gonna lie, hopeless romantic, affectionate, but I hide my love side out of fear for being rejected, I’m very good with kids and animals, I get flustered SO easily ( it’s a pain. In the ass bfbgjdksks) got depression and anxiety, but I love hanging out with friends, I’m always down to comfort ppl, listen, give advice if they need to, extremely supportive and kind. I sometimes need my space but at the same time I think I kinda need someone who reassures me I’m not a bother or that they still like me, ( friendships and relationships ) otherwise I will crate conspiracy theories against myself and slowly drift away shbfngjdkd also understand non verbal language cuz it’s hard for me to open up, I Hope this is enough? thank you!

I match you with...

Leonardo!!

Your caring and loving nature is a huge factor in drawing him in! Kind to kids, kind to animals, nerdy, a lil shy... he’s SO in. He realizes he’s in love with you the first time he really makes you laugh. Dorky & infectious laughter... his weakness <3

He’s the best reader of nonverbal cues, hands down. He picks up on that shit so quickly, sometimes before you even realize what you’re feeling. He’ll give you a little bit of time, to see if you want to bring it up, but he’s not afraid of bridging that gap if you’re unable to. He’s also the KING of reassurance. He’ll kiss your forehead, hold your hands, and tell you all the things he loves about you. Sweetest motherfucker on earth tbh 

He’s a bit taller than you! You already know he’s gonna do the thing of holding something above your head so you have to get on your tiptoes and lean into him to grab it. 

Send him your memes... he always has like, a billion saved on his phone to respond with. (He’s also started saying “___.....my beloved...” out loud recently about the most mundane stuff. he’s so dumb <3 also most of his texts read like shitposts its so funny. he’s your boyfriend, but it’s obvious that you two were very good friends before you started going out together. It’s really cute.) 

At least once a month, he sends you a video of him trying to get Splinter to say Ratatouille quotes. “Dad, dad! I need you to say something for me.” “What is it?” “Anyone can cook, but only the fearless can be great.” “No.”  It never works :( He’s not gonna stop trying though. 

ADORES how flustered you get... he plays into it so much. He loves to pepper you with kisses and watch how flustered you get. He’s also done the Gomez & Morticia kiss up the arm hundreds of times. 

He’s a hopeless romantic and proud of it! He’ll do it all. Flowers, candlelit dinner dates, watching the sunrise & sunset, making dinner together, everything. 

He likes to lay his head in your lap while you read. Oftentimes he’ll fall asleep, especially if you trace patterns on his shell with your free hand. 

He loves crystals a lot! He could spend hours inside of gem shops, to be quite frank. His favorite is Blue Tourmaline, and he’ll buy little bags of it in the Hidden City so he can make necklaces & bracelets for you out of it. Every time you look down at your wrist or at your necklace, it makes you think of him :) 

One way to make him really flustered? Trace his stripes! He practically melts into your hands, and he gets the sweetest smile on his face. His eyes close as he leans into your touch and it’s just... MUAH. 

He tries so hard to make you laugh!! Your laughter is his favorite sound in the world, and he’ll do damn-near anything to hear it. If you’re ticklish... godspeed </3 

Fellow lover of animated movies!! He’s always down to watch them with you, and chances are, they’re a pretty common pick on movie night. (He also FREQUENTLY sends you the “I wish all american animation studios a very make 2D movies again or else” meme. If he has to watch one more CGI remake again he’s gonna DIE.)

If you have freckles on your shoulders/arms, you already know he’s gonna trace them. He thinks they’re so pretty! He likes to connect them with markers to make little constellations. 

He has your hair products MEMORIZED. If you ever run out of something, he’s the first to track it down for you. He also likes to draw cat ears and whiskers on the products in your bathroom <3

On your first year anniversary, he wrote you a really sweet song. He ran across the rooftops of New York with an acoustic guitar slung over his shoulder to get to your apartment, and you still remember the way he smiled as you grabbed his hands to pull him through the window. (He’s a good singer, too! It was the sweetest thing in the world <3) 

He’s SUCH a nerd... talk to him about your latest interest, do it!! He gets just as passionate as you do, even if he had no idea what it was beforehand! He loves passion. 

He has Houdini’s history memorized forwards and backwards: both his personal life and his performances! He gets so excited when he talks about Houdini, it’s cute. He’ll lay his head in your lap and ramble for ages, if you let him. His eyes light up like supernovas, it’s adorable. He talks with his hands, too. 

Super supportive of your art!! He frames/hangs up anything you give to him. And if it’s too small, you bet its going in his treasure box. (He keeps it under his bed, and it’s full of little things that remind him of you.) 

Speaking of which, he’s cool if you ever need a bit of space! It doesn’t hurt his feelings, I promise. Everyone needs a little bit of space sometimes, and that’s okay! So long as you know you’re loved, he’s cool with it. 

He’s a huge fan of personality tests!! Both serious ones like Myers-Briggs and the silly ones that you find on like. Buzzfeed. He’ll stay up for HOURS taking them to avoid going to bed. (He’s an ENFP & Gryffindor, for reference! He barely skirts into ENFP-T, [Around a 55-45, maybe 60-40 split] if you wanna be specific.) He loves sending them to you, too! 

Literally the sticky note KING. He’ll stick them everywhere. Having a depressive episode? Sticky note reminders to eat & shower if he’s not there. Loving little stickies with encouragement! Declarations of how much he loves you, and how proud of you he is! He’ll also do it when you’re feeling a-okay, but you can bet that he increases them when you’re not feeling well. It’s a nice way for him to tell you that he loves you and is proud of you when he isn’t there. You keep all of them in a box of your own :) You guys also have a giant sticky note trail on your fridge. You both keep stacking responses on top of one another. 

[notjanine]

2020 in books!

the only kind of new year’s resolution i made as a naive baby last january was to try to read 40 books for the year. (i read 37 in 2019, for context.) well, with all of my commuting time eliminated and an increased need for immersive escapism, i ended up surpassing that goal three times over lmao (thanks library ebooks!)

idk how to summarize my year in books in a way that makes sense but

(f) = fiction, (nf) = nonfiction, (p) = poetry.

books that rewired my fucking brain:

braiding sweetgrass by robin wall kimmerer (nf)- GOD?!?!?! good. dr. k is right. ostensibly a book about plants, but actually a book about shut up and go outside. consumerism and capitalism are doing their damnedest to fuck you up, but you can just choose to value different things. take care of yourself by taking care of your environment. etc etc.

wasp by richard jones (nf)- lissen. when i got this book, my wasp-phobia was so severe that i had to put it away face down on a high shelf because there are wasps on the cover and i couldn’t bear to RISK even GLIMPSING them. now i am like... a wasp evangelist. (also due to the bugs 101 course on coursera it’s so good.)

wag by zazie todd (nf)- i have a dog, but i am NOT a Dog Person (i.e. i love my dog, but please keep yours away from me, thanks.) this book helped me understand my little guy better, plus it gives actionable tasks and activities to do with and for your pup! plus, y’know, learning about things you’re scared of helps to lessen that fear. i’d recommend this to anyone who has, wants, or regularly interacts with a dog.

a closed and common orbit by becky chambers (f)- is this series complete fluff? absolutely. am i fundamentally different after reading this one? maybe.

the best we could do by thi bui (nf)- this is so far outside of my personal experience but somehow still made me come to peace with my relationship with my mom?? and it’s barely even about that?? idk. this is probably objectively the best book i’ve read this year.

books that were just fun as hell:

mexican gothic by silvia moreno-garcia (f)- this book made me YELL out loud

death on the nile by agatha christie (f)- i grew up on agatha christie shows, but never actually read her before this year! she really was That Bitch. read this before the movie comes out

cosmoknights by hannah templer (f)- i read this in one sitting through the worst headache i’ve had in years. it is a goddamn DELIGHT. this book has everything: spaceships. mech suits. fighting the patriarchy. a perfect otp. fun art in bright colors with clean lines. onomatopoetic WAPs from before the song gave that hilarious context. 800 lesbians. this is an antidepressant in graphic novel form.

stiff by mary roach (nf)- ms. roach is like the 4th most represented author on my bookshelf because she 1. stays writing about shit i’m interested in and 2. manages to talk about gross and ridiculous things without resorting to sensationalism. it takes skill to write a hilarious book about corpses.

black sun by rebecca roanhorse (f)- excellent sexual tension between a horny siren pirate and a hot doomed... monk, kinda? set in the pre-columbian gulf of mexico with magic and shit.

cuisine chinoise by zao dao (? n/f)- this graphic novel about chinese food history/mythology is BEAUTIFUL.

the color of magic by terry pratchett (f)- you’d think a hardcore douglas adams stan would have gotten to this sooner, but no, i had to date a nerdy white boy to get here. it’s fun though! i’m not gonna read them all, but this one was good. bonus: contains one (1) great himbo.

gideon the ninth by tamsyn muir (f)- like 500 pages of action and mystery and jokes and space necromancy. harrow the ninth gets a special mention bc it has a meme reference that took me out so hard i had to close the book, lie down, and groan for an entire minute before continuing.

other minds by peter godfrey-smith (nf)- i love octopuses. on one tma bonus ep, jonny sims says that if a creature can choose to do evil, then it’s a Person. octopuses are People. but anyway frfr this has an explanation of the evolution of consciousness that is cool af. (this one is much better than the other recent popsci octo book which i will not name out of politeness.)

the perfect predator by steffanie strathdee and thomas patterson (nf)- i read this bc my microbiology prof recommended it and it’s cool as heck! it’s got adventure, drama, mystery, Science-with-a-capital-S. i’m biased bc i’m a bit of a microbes nerd, but i had a blast with this. (but only bc we know going in that everything works out okay; if i hadn’t known that, i would have been TOO stressed!)

books that were a little less fun but still very readable:

my sister, the serial killer by oyinkan braithwaite (f)- i couldn’t find this as funny as other people bc i, too, have a beautiful sister who’s an insufferable narcissist, so it hits a little too close to home, but. it is a wild ride.

piranesi by susanna clarke (f)- idek what to say! i went into this one blind just bc it had a cool cover and title, so i guess i’d recommend that for other people too.

the sixth world series by rebecca roanhorse (f)- monster hunting! a post-apocalyptic take that doesn’t feel tired.

the shades of magic trilogy by v.e. schwab (f)- easy escapism. some ideas feel a little first draft-y, but idk, it’s also a pretty simple premise (which isn’t a bad thing). it’s a decent urban fantasy set in ~georgian?-era london. very actiony. suffers from a bit of i’m-not-like-other-girls disease, but i didn’t even notice until book two or three, so.

the only good indians by stephen graham jones (f)- starts off a little ??? (and reeks of being Written By A Man) but picks up. the pacing’s great and there’s just a super fucking cool monster.

robopocalypse by daniel h. wilson (f)- this reads like a tv miniseries so much that i can’t believe it isn’t one yet.

confessions of the fox by jordy rosenberg (f)- not my usual cup of tea, fiction-wise, but still compelling. a fresh take on the white-male-english-professor-self-insert? but not insufferable. gets weird!

spinning silver by naomi novik (f)- rumplestilstkin, but make it interesting! a great, richly-told fairy tale, but like, large scale. good to read on a cold day while you’re wrapped up in a blanket with some hot tea.

interior chinatown by charles yu (f)- compulsively readable. a couple things bugged me, but not enough to make me dislike it. a fun companion piece to how to live safely in a science fictional universe. i like this guy’s style.

cannibalism by bill schutt (nf)- COOL. mostly covers the animal kingdom (fun), spends too much time on the donner party (less fun), ends with a SPICY take on prions that i cannot get out of my head!!!

buzz, sting, bite by anne sverdrup-thygeson (nf)- BUGS! broad but not overwhelming, neither dumbed down nor overly scientific, short enough to finish in a day or two. recommend this to literally everyone.

books that made me want to read everything else in the author’s ouevre:

the time invariance of snow by e. lily yu (f)- this FUCKS but it’s too short!!!

an unkindness of ghosts by rivers solomon (f)- okay this book is SO good and so well-written and interesting and blah blah blah all the good things, but... the whole time, i was just like?? why???? why is this what you’re choosing to write about??? (i did also read the deep and blood is another word for hunger after this one, and i did like them both, especially the latter, but i think they can do better! like i think they could write a perfect book and i am gonna be *eyes emoji* until then.)

the space between worlds by micaiah johnson (f)- a fine debut novel, but i want to see her do something a little more... idk, refined? i think she overreaches here, like it’s a little... idk looper? this is how you lose the time war? there’s a better comparison, but i can’t think of it, but you get the idea. and then halfway through it shifts gears to mad max. there’s something weird about one of the central relationships, like it’s not complex enough to take as long to resolve as it does. idk idk. there are just a lot of little nitpicky things. it’s not bad! but i think she can do better and i look forward to finding out.

postcolonial love poem by natalie diaz (p)- thinky! like i tried to read this before bed, but it’s not the sort of thing to parse out while you’re falling asleep, it requires more attention than that.

books that Learned Me Somethin:

smoke gets in your eyes by caitlin doughty (nf)- i am a self-professed death obsessed weirdo, fascinated by death and mourning, but i didn’t know all that much about what happens to a body between the dying and the funeral! this book isn’t big, but it covers a lot and doughty’s writing style is engaging and honest. it’s very memorable.

queer by meg-john barker and julia scheele (nf)- i’m gonna be totally honest and say Queer Theory is above my intellectual pay grade, but this book takes you by the hand and explains the basics.

vitamania by catherine price (nf)- LMAO my fellow americans, never take a supplement. this book is great and well-researched, but normal folks don’t need to read it, just listen to season two of the dream podcast, which definitely cribbed from this.

vegetable kingdom by bryant terry (nf)- this is a fine cookbook, my favorite of his that i’ve read so far. gets a special mention bc i had a religious experience just reading one of his kohlrabi recipes. absolutely gutted that i didn’t have an opportunity to try it this year, since the pandemic put the kibosh on all family bbqs.

the best american food writing 2020 edited by j. kenji lopez-alt (nf)- this really is just a great collection.

are prisons obsolete? by angela y. davis (nf)- yes.

i moved to los angeles to work in animation by natalie nourigat (nf)- before reading this, i had basically zero knowledge of how the animation industry works. now i know like three things.

the secret lives of bats by merlin tuttle (nf)- BATS! okay this book is more about the adventures of being a bat scientist than it actually is about bats, but there are bats in there. insectivorous bats basically shit glitter, you should know this.

books from valuable perspectives:

hood feminism by mikki kendall (nf)- a breakdown of who’s getting left out of feminist spaces, why that’s happening, and why it shouldn’t be happening.

all you can ever know by nicole chung (nf)- a (transracial) adoptee’s take on adoption and learning more about her birth family. the personal storytelling of this one really stuck with me.

motherhood so white by nefertiti austin (nf)- a single-mom-by-choice’s take on the foster system/adoption process. walks you through some things i always wondered about and some things i wouldn’t even have thought about.

this place by kateri akiwenzie-damm et al (? n/f)- i, like a lot of non- native americans, only know that history in broad strokes. getting this many highly specific stories in one dense and beautiful book felt like a lucky find. and taking that perspective into the future in the context of that history is v good.

empty by susan burton (nf)- eating disorder stories are important to me bc i care about food so much. this one is so relatable- not in its specificity, but rather its generality. it’s easy to empathize with her perspective because it’s like, Oh, i don’t have that exact problem, but i struggle with different problems in a very similar way. (feels like the opposite of roxane gay’s hunger, in a way.)

obit by victoria chang (p)- this exploration of grief is... woof.

short story collections are hard to evaluate bc you’ll never read one where every single story hits but i generally enjoyed these:

a thousand beginnings and endings edited by ellen oh and elsie chapman (f)

how long til black future month? by n.k. jemisin (f)

her body and other parties by carmen maria machado (f)

books i revisited:

the broken earth trilogy by n.k. jemisin (f)- i read the series backwards this time and like... i can’t really find any faults in these books, man. they’re just the best.

everyone’s a aliebn when ur a aliebn too by jomny sun (f... but is it really?)- half of this book’s sales are from me buying it for other people bc it’s the only way i know how to say i love you. i reread it every time just to make sure it still feels right and it always does.

other honorable mentions:

white is for witching by helen oyeyemi (f)- not to pit two bad bitches against each other, but this book does what akwaeke emezi’s freshwater was trying to do. it’s a little weird, a little haunted, a little of a lot of things. read this only in the dead of winter. (and with stephen rennicks’ score for the little stranger playing in the background.)

homie by danez smith (p)- there’s a lot going on here, but this just made me crack a smile a couple times in a way that no other book of poetry has ever done.

the murder of roger ackroyd and murder in mesopotamia by agatha christie (f)- That Bitch!

blues by nikki giovanni (p)- she sure has some Things To Say

the three-body problem by cixin liu (f)- interesting concepts, but... idk something’s missing? felt weirdly soulless to me. i’m probably not gonna read the sequels. but it did make some points!

the sisters of the winter wood by rena rossner (f)- i’m a slut for shapeshifting, okay. but this is a good fairy tale, it works!

parable of the sower by octavia butler (f)- i read this in march, when the pandemic was just kicking off and boy that was not the right time. def my least favorite of hers so far, but an octavia butler i don’t love is still better than a hell of a lot of other books. no idea when or if i’ll get to a good enough headspace for the sequel.

faves:

saturnino herrán by adriana zapett tapia (nf)- i got to learn new things about my mans and see some of his paintings i’ve never even seen online! GOSH.

on food and cooking by harold mcgee (nf)- yeah yeah, i’ve already mentioned this book half a dozen times on here this year, but i don’t care. this book lives off the shelf in my home bc i reference it like every other fucking day. this book is a part of me now.