#I literally woke up at 5 am thinking about this and couldnt get it out of my head so im leaving it here

[exploring-the-cosmos]

Okay, but imagine this: Eddie feelings realization brought about through another lookalike/doppelganger storyline. I know this sounds out-there, but considering the whole Shannon/Kim storyline was an actual thing that existed in the show— and we know how much the writers love doing parallels and they've been doing some very fanfiction-esque stoylines with 8b— I don't think this is completely outside the realm of possibility so stay with me on this completely ridiculous stream of thought for a bit.

Now I was not and am still not really a fan of the whole Shannon/Kim doppelganger storyline but I think if they did it again in a very specific way with a Buck doppelganger it would be so interesting. With the Shannon/Kim doppelganger, the importance of it is for Eddie to finally get closure for himself. To say the things he never got a chance to say to her so he could move on from that relationship. I think a Buck doppelganger can also be used as a way for Eddie to say all the things he couldn't say to Buck before he left. Only, this doesn't serve the purpose of Eddie finding closure and moving on, but as a catalyst for him realizing the full extent of his feelings.

In the present day, Eddie finds himself back in his hometown— a place he tried so hard to run away from— to be there for his son. He built an entire life for himself back in LA and now he's gonna have to start all over again. So he puts himself out there, attempting to meet new people and make new friends. In the process, he ends up meeting a man who looks and sounds a little too much like his best friend. And he knows it's a bad idea; he has had to live with the reality of just how bad an idea this is for months following what happened with Kim. But he misses his best friend so bad. Sure, they talk and do video calls to stay in touch, but it's not the same. He's not there with him in El Paso being a consistent presence in his life, and he feels so lonely without that presence. So he befriends this Buck doppelganger. They hit it off and start to spend more and more time together, and eventually, either Eddie decides to come clean or Buck's doppelganger finds out about his resemblance to Eddie's best friend, prompting Eddie to explain the whole situation and apologize for lying.

Maybe at this point, his Buck had already gone through his 8x11 storyline. He's already been confronted with the idea that his feelings for Eddie aren't platonic, and he's doing everything to push that train of thought aside. He can't entertain the idea that he is in love with his straight best friend, as he likes to say. He needs to distance himself from whatever feelings might be there. Which also includes distancing himself from Eddie. He doesn't answer his calls as much, doesn't make an effort to reach out, finds other distractions so he has an excuse for why he wasn't available to talk, etc. And it's driving Eddie crazy. He's never felt so disconnected from Buck, and it's starting to have an effect on his ability to function at this point.

So when Eddie tells him all this and Buck's doppelganger asks him what he would say to him right now if he could, Eddie throws all caution to the wind.

He says all the things he's been wanting to say, even the things he didn't know he wanted to say. He tells him how sorry he is for leaving. That he knows how deep Buck's abandonment issues run and how painful it is to have another person in his life leave him. How much he would give to have been able to stay and spare him that hurt. Hell, the thought of asking Buck to leave with him had even crossed his mind more than once, but how could he ever ask that of him? Los Angeles was his home. The 118 were his family. He built a stable foundation for himself that he'd never had throughout most of his life. Eddie wasn't going to be the one to take a wrecking ball to that stable foundation. As much as Eddie would like to be, he isn't worthy of that kind of consideration. Who would throw their entire life away to be with him? He would never ask him to make that choice. Just as he knows Buck was never asking Eddie to make a choice between him and Chris. But Eddie felt like that was what he was doing at the time— making a choice between what he wanted and what was best for his son. A choice had to be made whether he liked it or not, and he would always choose his son. But, if pressed on it, he would have to admit that if the choice were between Buck and anyone else? Buck would win every single time. He would say that he missed him and he wanted him to be a constant in his life again, in both their lives again. That the distance being put between them, both literal and figurative, was killing him.

And as he's listening to this— to his newfound friend pouring his heart out to him like he's his best friend— Buck's doppelganger makes the realization that everyone else in their lives has, waits for Eddie to finish what he has to say, and says to him:

"Wow. You must really love him."

And that is the moment. Eddie hears those words, processes them, thinks about everything he just said, everything they had been through together, and realizes.

Oh.

That's what this thing between them has been. That's what all this heartache and loneliness and panic he's been experiencing in the last few weeks has been about.

"Yeah, I do."

And this realization does not just magically fix everything. It's a starting point. He still has to work through what happened with Chris, and this revelation may be a central point to helping him get there. Because it forces him to examine everything about his life up to this point. His relationship with Buck, his relationship with his family, his relationship with Shannon, his relationships with women and his sexuality in general, and his relationship with religion. And once he does all of that, he can make the decision to choose something different, for himself and for Chris. They can reconcile. They can move back to LA, back to their found family with the 118 and Buck. He can love his best friend and choose to make him a part of their family.

I also like the idea of doing a parallel between Shannon and Buck as love interests for Eddie because I do think their relationships share similarities despite all of their differences.

Despite the fact that I do absolutely think Eddie loved Shannon, I do not think he was ever really in love with her. He had a genuine care and love for her, yes, but so much of that care and love was tied up in her relationship to him as the mother of his child, not just as his wife. Her relationship with Eddie will always be a part of who he is, undoubtedly. She was a friend to him, someone he loved, the first person he was ever intimate with, his wife, and the mother of his son. She played so many important roles in his life, and she can be all of those things and still not be the love of his life, nor even someone he necessarily loved in a romantic sense at all. Because they were still just kids when they got together and had Chris. They were still trying to figure out who they were and what they wanted to do with their lives when they got pregnant and rushed into marriage and parenthood. All the decisions that followed that were messy and difficult and their relationship shifted completely overnight. Would they have ever gotten married if they didn't have Christopher? My guess is probably not, but we'll never know for sure. When Kim says to Eddie "I guess she was the love of your life," he doesn't say, "she was," he says, "I think she was." He knows he loved her, but he is unsure if she was ever "the one". In hindsight, I think he looks back on their relationship with rose-colored glasses a lot of the time. He talks about how they were together as if the glimpses we saw of them constantly fighting and leaving each other and avoiding big conversations never happened or weren't as prevalent. They did love each other, but they did not love each other in the ways that either one of them deserved.

Compare that with Eddie's relationship with Buck, and I would argue he has played all of these same roles in Eddie's life that Shannon did, but in a much more harmonious and stable way. He's also the only other character to take on all of these roles in Eddie's life to the extent that he does. They are best friends, they love each other, Buck has become a parental figure of sorts for Chris and would legally be his guardian if anything happened to Eddie, and he has a closeness with Eddie and has done things for him/with him that romantic partners often do. Despite their rocky beginning, they became fast and inseparable friends. They've had each other's backs through nearly every single trial and tribulation that they've faced for the past 7 years. Buck seamlessly fit into both Eddie and Chris' lives as well, all three of them spending so much quality time together. They have been mistaken for a couple before. Buck heard that Eddie was struggling with childcare for Chris and provided a solution without needing to be asked. He helped Eddie find a solution to accommodate Chris' disability when he wanted to try skateboarding. He fought like hell to try to keep Chris safe when the tsunami hit. Whenever they've had major accidents/NDE's in the line of work, they are always each other's primary concern. Eddie made the decision on his own to change his will to make Buck Christopher's legal guardian if anything happened to him, and he is unwavering in his conviction that he would be the only other person besides himself that would fight like hell to make sure Chris has everything he wants and needs. Which could mean nothing, but as a single dad, Eddie's main concern when it comes to dating and marriage has to be how it will affect his son; what kind of parent would the other person be to him? Buck was there for Chris when Eddie got shot. He was the first person Chris ran to when he was angry with Eddie. He was there for both of them when Eddie went through his breakdown. He was there for Eddie when Chris decided to leave. He offered to help Eddie find a new place to live in El Paso. He was present for nearly every showing of his place to find a subletter— this one is actually ridiculous, like there's no way those folks didn't think they were together. And the big one, he chose to give up his apartment to sublease Eddie's house so that Eddie could leave without worrying about expenses. The entire episode we see him struggle with and unintentionally sabotage Eddie's move. The last thing he wants is for another person to leave him, but he willingly and happily put what Eddie and Chris needed over what he wanted in the end. It is one of the most selfless and loving things he could do and he did it.

One of the key similarities that I've noticed between Eddie's relationships with Shannon and Buck is what they get into their most heated arguments about. In both of these relationships, the big fights that each pair has centers around the other person leaving and how that effects them and Chris. Yes, Buck ready has pre-established abandonment issues, but Eddie's issues with other people leaving really only come up in the context of his romantic partners and how them leaving will affect his son. For Eddie and Shannon, it was Eddie running away from his responsibilities as a husband and father twice by enlisting in the army and Shannon doing the same once he came back into their lives. When she attempts to re-enter their lives, the main point of contention is whether or not she'll even stay if Eddie allows her back in. Ultimately, she does decide to leave once she's back in their lives, if only temporarily, to find out who she is as a person independent of her role as a wife and mother when she realizes she's not ready, and I don't blame her for that. But then she dies and that loss is permanent. Eddie doesn't get closure until he meets Kim and gets to say how he feels. How hurt he is that Shannon left seemingly without any consideration for him. She left a note for their son, but left nothing for him and that is devastating. His first major fight with Buck is over the lawsuit. All three of them are forced into a situation where they cannot be in contact because of Buck's decisions, and their confrontation over it is one of the few times we see Eddie so visibly upset. It's not exactly a "leaving" situation per se, but the outcome is similar. Eddie cannot contact his best friend for help, with his own personal issues and with what's going on with Chris. They both miss him; it feels like he left them and Buck made the choice to put them in that position when he didn't have to. The second time they have a big fight, it's over Eddie leaving. More specifically, over Eddie's perceived lack of care about Buck's feelings on the matter. And I say perceived because he obviously does care, it does matter to him that he's leaving his best friend behind. But he can't fully acknowledge to what extent he does and he won't allow himself to because his feelings come secondary to what he thinks he needs to do as a father. I feel I should also note that despite Buck's abandonment issues, it is so telling how he acts in response to Eddie leaving vs how the rest of the 118 act. They all consider Eddie family just as much as Buck, but the degree to which he's crashing out over it would suggest to me that there's more to their relationship than they realize. The proposed scenario with the Buck doppelganger is meant to be the moment where he finally allows himself to be fully, completely honest with himself about what he feels, what he wouldn't say. And in the aftermath, he has to reckon with what that means for him, for Chris, and his relationship with Buck.

Another things of note when it comes to Eddie's relationships: Every time we see Eddie in a relationship with a woman, we often see him run away from it or sabotage the relationship when things start to get more serious. They never work out because there is always something wrong on his end. By contrast, Buck and Eddie are both actively struggling with Eddie leaving. Neither one of them wants him to leave and that is apparent with the shift we see in their behavior. Idk maybe we'll get a gay Eddie storyline. To me it seems like the most logical endpoint for his character. I mean, the guy literally said that he feels like he needs to "perform" when he's out on dates with women... Plus, Tommy did essentially imply that he clocked him in the most recent episode and if there's anyone I'm gonna trust to know he isn't straight, it's the openly gay man who also repressed his feelings for men for decades and almost married a woman.

Tldr; all this to say, Shannon was Eddie's first love and Buck will be his last.

Do I think any of this is actually gonna happen in the show? No, I highly doubt it. But it was a fun little thought experiment about how I think this scenario would play out. I know this is ridiculously long, so if you read to the end, thank you!

[tremendouscreationperson]

Bucky x Reader imagine

This could prolly work with Logan too now that I think of it

Imagine you work in a DIY store (I'm from the UK so it would be B&Q for me but I think the equivalent would be home depot?) and you meet this awkward hulk of a man who's staring off into space vaguely in your direction.

"you alright?" He snaps out of it and nods quickly reassuring you he was just thinking. "Well come find me if you need anything."

.

He doesn't come back for a full month (he's embarrassed to have been caught spacing out and he also wants to know he's ready to be in public but his project isn't moving forward and he wants to finish it so he braves another trip to your store).

"screws are in aisle 21" you speak from behind him, having seen the one he brought for comparison in his hand.

Bucky quickly thanks you and heads off to the aisle. He hates that there's a loud radio and that there's constant chatter and even children running about without a care. It's a little much but his beloved family owned store had closed once Lester retired.

.

Bucky is back looking for new sanding sheets the next time he comes across you. A man is yelling at you about a refund you cannot provide but you keep your cool and tell him politely to leave the store. He had no receipt, no packaging and had paid cash there was no way to track when he purchased it or if it was even from your shop so of course you couldnt give him money. The man was escorted out by the security guard and you asked the young boy at the returns desk if he was okay, he nodded and thanked you before you walked off.

Bucky quickly fell into step with you, you gave him a curious side eye. "you alright?"

"yeah, just watched the commotion. You handled yourself well."

"thanks, at least I get paid to be shouted at, poor Ryan doesn't." You gave him a quick wink and walked away.

.

It was a while before you two saw eachother again, he had returned to the store (definitely not to see you) but you weren't in or were merely unavailable.

"hey." Bucky spoke as you handed a customer a tin of mixed paint.

"hey, there. Long time no see."

"yeah, been a while."

The conversation came to an abrupt stand still as you waited for him to elaborate. He never did and you quickly asked, "so why ya here now? What ya getting?"

"just some undercoat today."

"5." You provided him the opportunity to exit the conversation. He didn't take it and you continued with, "I can show you if you want."

Bucky nodded and let you lead him through to the undercoats. You showed him the difference between the brands and the sizing. He knew the one he wanted but liked you talking so let you.

"thank you (y/n)." He spoke as you left, your eyes flashed with confusion before remembering you were wearing a name badge

.

"hey, (y/n)." Your name woke you up.

"oh hey." You rubbed your eye. "Sorry, I closed last night and opened today so I am dead."

The security guard he had previously seen was walking past and heard your words. "They work you too hard." He spoke with a slight accent.

"yes they do Dave." You agreed with a chuckle

Bucky liked your smile and your laugh, it was a sweet, almost delicate, thing.

"you were just-" he motioned towards the computer you stood at. "Standing."

"yeah. I have to print the sales reports and do a team brief, then I can go home." You quickly logged back into the computer. "God I'm actually scarily tired." You made a face but we're still smiling.

"why did you close and then open?"

"Ahh, Carlota is sick." You shrugged. "I'm the next nearest so they call little ol' me. That's what I get for being a team leader."

"team leader?" He hadn't heard of that job role

"essentially I'm a manager but I get paid less and do more work." You pressed print. "Right, I'll see you soon I assume? Oh that rhymes!"

.

"paint is my thing." You agreed. "Let's get you paint. We want Dulux? Crown? We mix in Valspar."

Bucky gave you a shrug. "What's a good paint for a bedroom?"

"literally any emulsion." You waved a hand towards your colour charts. "What colour you feeling?"

"I don- black?"

"for your whole room?"

"yeah?"

"I'd only ever say yes to that if your house had one full window wall. Black is a lot. Its the absence of colour, to put it dramatically... it'll depress you. We can do a deep colour like a green or a maroon or even a beige but I think black is too hardcore even for you."

Bucky listened and nodded. You seemed to know what you were talking about.

"maybe have a look online at some inspo pics?"

"I don't really do online." He confessed. "I barely have a phone, I don't even think it's on me." He patted his pockets.

"oh wow. I mean good for you. I wish I could get off mine more but I read a lot on my phone so it's a bit difficult."

"what are you reading?"

"I am currently rereading the lord of the rings." You thrust your forearm towards him displaying a tattoo he had noticed before. "Kinda a fan."

"I liked the hobbit." Bucky nodded. "I haven't read the lord of the rings, yet."

"oh you must! And the silmarillian(however you spell that, sue me)!" You gave him a big smile and looked to his left, Bucky followed and saw an elderly lady waiting patiently with a colour chip.

"I'll be back for a colour."

.

"So you've chosen your colour?"

"what's your favourite colour?"

"I dunno it changes a lot to be fair." He had noticed you decorated yourself in brightly coloured things, sometimes it was your nails, sometimes it was hair clips or bangles. Either way you always had some form of colour. "Been feeling blue recently. The colour, not sadness."

"then I'd like a blue."

"for your room?"

"yeah."

"pffftt. No! You strike me as a brown guy." You folded your arms. "You have a lot of mahogany and oak in your house, you probably built a lot of your furniture, so I think a nice deep warm feature wall and the rest can be white or cream."

Bucky was able to picture what you said and did agree it would look nice. "okay that."

"right now I have like 200 shades of brown, let's have a look."

It took less than five minutes for you to say "what about thi-" and him immediately say yes, you walked him to the tills and when he was at the exit you stopped him.

"you know you don't wear a name badge."

"no," he agreed "I don't."

"you know my name, that's a little unfair, right?"

"oh, B- call me James." He held out a hand

"call you James?" You raised a brow but shook the offered hand.

"it's my name."

"right." You laughed. "Well that does it. It's a shame. I've sworn off James'"

"you've?"

"my ex was a James, so I've sworn you lot off."

"oh I didn't know."

"well how could you." You playfully shrugged.

"no I didn't know that was on the cards."

.

The playful flirting continues a while before he eventually asks you on a date, it's beautiful and you had a wonderful time. Bucky even took up actually taking his phone out with him incase you sent a text, he was bad at responding but liked that you thought of him. He just liked you, you werent a hero or a mutant or someone with supreme intelligence. You were an average person making the most of their life, you weren't a massive fan of the job you were in a fact he knew when he asked if you'd get in trouble for talking to him so much "if they wanna be rid of me that's actually in my favour". You were normal. He loved it. The idea of normality was daunting when he thought of all he had done but when he pictured you he felt warm. It felt peaceful.

[shameboree]

i am actually going to whine about this publicly

my recent Poisoning Adventure was bc my psych NP (baseline can't be trusted) overdosed me on a new med I never shouldve been on and it caused pretty severe acute extrapyramidal effects (hella muscle spasms, uncontrollable jerking/movements, felt like i was in a fuckin dbz gravity chamber) and METABOLIC ENCEPHALOPATHY!! i couldnt control my body and even tho i knew who i was when it was where i was and why i was there i was also on a completely different realm of existence and it was like, Terrifying Actually!! so even tho im off that med and antidoted and not at risk anymore every time i have any kind of nerve tingling anywhere i start Freaking The Fuck Out. this shit was FOR REAL worse and more harrowing than literally any part of having cancer including the parts where i almost died. was more frightening than having meningitis bc at least i wasnt totally fuckin zooted outta my mind!! ur bitch needs Therapy. wowie!!

anyway ive been struggling w orthostatic hypotension for a hot minute (largely dehydration imo) so i got that rush u get when ur bp tanks and just started cryin like a little bitch babby on account of the Fears. Despite being super tired I am afraid to sleep bc the first bout of extrapyramidal symptoms woke my ass from DEAD SLUMBER

I used to love NPs but nowadays NP schools are clownhouse jokester diploma mills and due to scope creep ushered forth by the capitalist disneyfication of healthcare theyre allowed to practice WAY THE FUCK completely outta bounds. it isnt safe!! chikadee was makin nonstop bonkers med choices for me including putting me on the vers of a medication not even meant to to treat what we were trying to treat and also the correct version had limited success in.. the pediatric population?? babe what?? had to get my pcp involved on that one.

i had issues w nps before on account of all the probs w education and safety (theyre not even required to have 5 minutes of bedside experience outside of clinicals which ultimately are glorified techwork and useless in terms of Actual Nursing Practice (i do think having clinical experience IS Essential and beneficial tho)) but this trash ass dumbshit idiot gave me FRESH TRAUMAS i did NOT need so i have gone from a nonenthusiast to a full on hater. listen we did not go to med school we went to nursing school we should stay in our fucking lane. christ alive!!!!!

i cant fuckin believe this single experience was more traumatizing than actual months of chemotherapy

ALSO I GOT DENIED MEDICAL LEAVE?? WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT!!!!!!

[gabapentinblues]

journal update 2.14.2015

the sun was shining thru the windows so pretty when i woke up this morning. i am happy to have natural light now. i slept pretty good. had my coffee.

i wanna start doing morning pages again. i can sit at my art desk by the window w my coffee and just write out everything thats in my brain. get new ideas, vent things out, hopefully it will be a good habit to get back into.

wanna start meditating too.

i made a green smoothie this morning. really trying to focus on my eating. im not weighing myself rn bc the number is catastrophic to me and its always so cold i dont wanna take off all my layers to get on the scale.

basically in focusing on keeping my meals small and never snacking. im feeling pretty balanced and in control and it will be a week this sunday since i last binge ate. so ive got 5 days right now which is pretty great. binge eating has been my biggest addiction recently and i havent been active at allllll.

so yeah im starting out taking it easy mindful eating, not counting calories rn but just paying attention to portions and avoiding junk food and snacking on anything. creating a structure for myself and proving to myself that i can handle not binge eating. its been pretty successful so far and im just gonna keep cutting back more and more as the weeks go on. we'll see how it goes.

i went to the pharmacy and picked up all my meds. got more gabapentin after not having it basically all year im pretty sure so my tolerance is down and i took 300mg as soon as i got it, yeah thats addictive behavior i know. and then i went to pick up coffee for me and my mom, but i got my moms order wrong.

i literally cried about it i felt so bad, it had regular dairy milk so she couldnt drink it at all. i felt like i disappointed her and i just felt stupid, then i felt bad for being so affected by such a small thing. i put the car in the garage and sat there and cried i was so angry at everything.

i brought my last big canvas inside and started a painting. i took two more gabapentin and drank my coffee and worked on the painting and in my sketch book for like two hours, and started feeling better.

i think we're having salmon for dinner tonight so that will be nice. i just wish the weather wasnt so cold and awful and snowy.

wanna start going to the gym soon as part of my losing weight and just getting back into a healthy routine. on monday im going to reach out to therapists and also meet up w my aunt at some point bc she wants to check in on me.

things are feeling okay. i feel floaty and wired from the gp coffee combo, i have a lot of energy but im not sure what to do. maybe work more on my fanfiction. idk ive had a real roller coaster day, im feeling fragile.

i just feel so overcome by mental illness rn, like at this point in my life it feels like all that i am.

[fluffyseal322]

Mon Oct 28

Im going to talk as if its still sunday but it is actually currently Monday at 6:02am. My mental reset day. Actually, no... anytime i wake up to prepare for the next day, it is considered the next day. So I will be speaking as if it is Monday and this would be like in the middle of the day for me because I sleep in about 5 hours from now! Yesterday, I had a better day at work. Life let me have an easier day as my last day so I am very appreciative of that. I stayed a little longer that day when i REALLY didnt want to but my manager made a compromise with me which caused me to not mind at all! After I got home, I spoke with my dad... it took a lot of bravery and courage to start this but it truly was something that was weighing on my mind! We came to an agreement and as much as I wanted to just give up at the end, he wouldnt let me. I almost shut down and ran away in fear but I knew better not to do so, out of respect of course. And as soon as I couldnt escape, I couldnt hold my tears in any more, i bursed out crying and I kept saying sorry for not being able to have a conversation anymore. I had like, ptsd thinking he would get mad at me and i was ready for him to show that he felt nothing for my tears, i still cant read him. He shows no emotion, thats a really good talent in my opinion. At the end of it, he gave me a hug... and he said "Daddy is here for you." Ive never heard him say that, but it was something that I needed. It was also kind of weird everytime I think of it because its something that I expect from my significant other now, due to not having a father figure in my younger years. So now all is well between me and both of my parents. As difficult it was, im glad its something I no longer have to worry about of fear anymore. Afterwards, I woke my mom up :3 she is so silly LOL but i asked her if she wanted to go to church and she woke up immediately :D The sermon was mainly about, how beyond powerful and strong grace is. No matter who you are and what you do, you will always deserve forgiveness. Our god is truly kind and he truly wants the best for us. People say we should be seeking god, which is true but god is trying to seek us first. he wants to help us, he wants to give things to us, we are worthy of everything he brings onto life and he wants us to know that. Even if you think you dont deserve anything good, he still thinks you are deserving. I love that the sermon said, if you dont think you dont deserve god's grace, ask yourself "Who do you think you are?" I literally have never read the bible but if I did, I'd truly have an eye opener on gods relationship to his people. Jesus came from a family of incest. Showing that even the heaviest sin can still be forgiven. It doesnt matter what the world thinks of you, it only matter's what god thinks of me. Thats pretty much the topic of the service. To sum up the service "The blood of jesus christ cleanses a person of their sins. God doesnt deem anyone hopeless or beyond repair. The power of god's grace will prepare for paradise." So in my next writing i will be explaining what I want to do with my life and how i want to do it....

P.S. it would be good to come back and read my writing every once in awhile.... idk why it's so hard for me to do so.

[oars]

i need to write the full story or ill die

my older sister gave me this bag of edibles she didnt want bc they were strong and tasted like straight mary and my dumbass took way more of one gummy than i should have and THEN got in a sauna in my moms room. it started hitting around 6 pm as i was getting out of the sauna butt naked and i couldnt even put my clothes on and just slumped onto my moms bed and could not move my body except for my hands.. i was texting lars i took too much and i felt like a tranquilized animal and sent this

and i hadnt blinked in at least 2 minutes . i got up and felt like i was about to throw up and walked out of my moms room down the hallway and its just a 4 second walk that shit felt like an hour. my vision started getting dark and blurry and my organs felt horrible i literally thought i was dying i was like im gonna die off weed this is so lame and then my hearing went i was snapping my fingers around my head and couldnt hear. i started thinking i should call the police. no its the weed i think i need to go downstairs where my mom is so i dont freak out. by the time i reached my doorway my vision went dark and i felt myself fall and opened my eyes on the floor in frontof my room.

i dont know how i went down the stairs without falling to my death but i got to the living room where my mom was sittingdown went "...i dont feel so good" sat down on the recliner and instantly passed out and for the next 5 hours was in and out of consciousness i would wake up half way to my leg shaking and jolting i could tell my mom was taking pictures but i was too fucked up to care

then almost 12 am when i thought i felt better i went back upstairs thinking it was over and in the middle of a discord call to get food i went back to my moms room to use her kettle for ramen ended up on the floor of the bathroom bc i was so sure i was going to throw up. nothing happened i crawled back into bed with my mom and didnt get back up intil 6 am and for the next half of the day the edible was still beating my ass

anyways that was one of the scariest experiences of my life and i was so sure i was dying for a solid 2 hours i havent been that scared since i was 11 and thought the rapture happened because i woke up home alone

also while i was away i had the worst high of my life

[nikrangdan]

enhypen x short!reader

pairing: enhypen x short!reader

genre: fluff, comedy

description: how enhypen would react to a short reader!!! this was requested btw i hope u guys like 😁 ive written separate headcanons for sunghoon and jay before but i wrote more here anyways 😏 THERES A COUPLE CUSS WORDS IN HERE

———————

HEESEUNG:

okay lets get this straight

hes literally the tallest member in enha

and then ur the shortest in ur friend group

POWER COUPLE ⁉️⁉️⁉️

im literally crying bc when u guys are standing facing each other heeseung is just looking straight over ur head LIKE UR NOT EVEN IN HIS LINE OF SIGHT

and THIS is why he always has his arm around ur shoulder or he makes sure ur holding onto his arm or smthn

HE WANTS U TO BE WITH HIM AT ALL TIMES BC SOMETIMES HE CANT SEE U☹️☹️☹️

and when hes practicing he likes to bring u up to dance with him

like he holds ur hands and u just try to 💃🏻🕺🏻💃🏻 with justin bieber playing in the background

“i cant dance heeseung u know this” u stare up at him

“i know just vibe to the music~”

he finds it hilarious so hes giggling the whole time u two do a little jiggy

AND THEN HE GETS ALL SOFT AND TURNS U AROUND TO BACKHUG U AND FACE THE MIRRORS and he watches u guys sway back and forth slowly to the music

he loves the height difference and hes always looking at it in mirrors

JAY:

*takes a deep breath* ... JAYYYYYY‼️‼️

he probably mentioned how short u are a couple times when you first met but i dont think he would be the type to constantly point out ur height and tease u or smthn

BUT!!!!! he loves it

alot of clothes you like are often too big for you and hes like

I Am Here To Rescue You From Distress, My Love

Ur so thankful for him!!!

he loves finding clothes for you

shirts arent a big problem its mostly the pants

AND HE LIKES BUYING U PLATFORM SHOES

he says “u look so good”

Jay ur superman 🔥

idk he just thinks ur so cute

he likes to stare at u like 🥰🥰☺️☺️

❤️_❤️

Jay has such big heart eyes for u AAAAAA

when u two are in the kitchen u arent able to reach the high cupboards

SO HE BOUGHT U A HELLO KITTY STOOL

one time he stood on it and was like “y/n look”

you literally almost broke your neck trying to see him because HE WAS SO HIGH IN THE AIR

so high u were like “u got enough oxygen up there⁉️⁉️”

and then he said “u look like an ant” and he started dying at his own joke

But he never pulled that stool stunt again bc u attacked him viciously🤗🤗🤗

JAKE:

Wait im crying already

everytime i write about jake i have to take a break

hes literally too much for my heart

Okay

HE GIGGLE.....

he GIGGLE!!!!!!!

HE GIGGLES AT EVERYTHING U DO

Hes so obsessed with u its not even funny

he probably loves u more than u love him AND HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE BC HES JAKE SIM

His favorite thing ever is when sit in between his legs and ur back against his chest yknow

when u guys watch movies he feeds u popcorn like that

IM GONNA SAY THIS FOR ALOT OF THEM BUT

Head Pats!!!!!

He pats ur head alot or ruffles ur hair alot

and hes just so gentle with u

Ur like his little baby >_<

HIS BIG JACKETS WAIT

Jakes big fluffy bulky jackets

he wants u to wear them

and he

he zips them up all the way and puts the hoodie over ur head

and he just dies of laughter

Ur standing there like 🧍🏻‍♂️

“its getting hot in here jake”

you tried to flick the hood off but the chunky sleeve mixed with ur short arm was not a good combination so you couldnt even raise your arm

That made jake lose it and he just fell to the floor in tears😭

but seeing him so happy made u 🥰☺️ kinda so its okay

SUNGHOON:

Hello hand holder

i say this whenever write for hoon

but this guy🤝🤝🤝

Get those hands ready yall

mmm okay

he probably calls u shorty whenever he teases u

Rude ass 🙄

ur like “😐” and hes like

“im sorry” *attacks u in a very messy and unmannered hug to the point where u fall back onto the couch and almost break ur leg*

i bet he holds stuff up in the air so u have to jump up and attempt to get it😭 so evil

but he doesnt like seeing u suffer for too long so he gives it to u after like 5 seconds 😁

he teases u alot but when ur out in public hes like Bodyguard Hoon

Hes not letting anything happen to u!!!!

once again HES HOLDING UR HAND AT ALL TIMES

one thing he says he doesnt like but we all know hes lying is when u like to jump on his back and force him to give u a piggyback ride

he just accepts it

one time u fell asleep on his back and he was like

“uh y/n”

silence

yeah he eventually plopped u on the couch which woke u up

SUNOO:

Sunoo thinks ur so adorable 💧_💧

like u two could just be sitting next to eachother watching something

and u have ur legs pulled up to ur chest and ur arms wrapped around them with ur chin on ur knees

you hear him giggling to himself

u look over like ......🤨 “what”

“nothing y/n *giggles again* ur just so cute”

ur like Staaaaawwp and u push his shoulder

and then he pushes u back

AND THEN U START FIGHTING

Play fighting ****

u guys laugh so much 😭😭

sunoo likes to talk about you alot

to everyone

literally everyone

to the boys: “omg y/n fell trying to reach the garlic LMAO”

to his mom: “y/n went up to this guy thinking it was me and pushed him it was so funny”

to his instagram: “how did y/n fit through my neighbors doggy door and why”

PLEASE when u two have arguments for fun

u go jump on the couch so u can be taller than him

and u just stare at eachother before bursting out into laughter

he loves to show u off aaaa “heres y/n” ☺️☺️☺️☺️

JUNGWON:

EXPECT TEASING AT LEAST ONCE A DAY

Please i think id cry if i was friends with jungwon (AND NI-KI)

he play too much 😫 he actually has no chill

“can u reach this y/n? or should i carry you *evil laugh*”

but besides from the teasing he adores u so much

and theres some things you arent able to do

But hes so happy to do it for you!!! he loves feeling like hes doing smthn for u

He always has this proud dad look on his face whenever u literally do ANYTHING

u could literally pick a twig off the ground and jungwon would go 😊 thats my y/n

he likes to massage ur legs when ur just chilling on ur bed or smthn

hes got one hand massaging ur legs and his other hand massaging his own legs

“i’ll make us grow taller y/n!”

“what??? you don’t need to be taller jungwon, i do!!” u snatch the hand hes using to massage his own leg and plant it right back on ur own legs

he starts laughing really hard and u think ur the president of comedy now 🔥🔥

he likes feeling tall when hes with u

but he also likes being babied 🙁🙁

Plz give him head kisses and cheek pinches

NI-KI:

This kid is literally a titan

and hes crazy

picks u up BRIDAL STYLE and starts running around the room like an animal

like WHAT ???????

he says its because you’re the only THING around and he needs the exercise

and this kid is a teaser too😫😫

“y/n can you hand me the cereal up there? oh wait you cant”

you turn around like What the hell did u just say...

yeah he got a smacking that day

NO BUT SOMETIMES HE BE TAKING THE JOKES TOO FAR AND RIGHT AFTER HE SAYS IT HES LIKE

“im just kidding i didnt mean it”

Anyways

ni-ki is also very sweet

he offers piggyback rides and makes u little gifts

one time u got a cramp from being on ur tippy toes too long

he was laughing at first but then he saw ur eyes welling up with tears and he ran to u really fast 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

ALSO WHEN U HOLD HANDS you both always stare bc THE SIZE DIFFERENCE PLLLZZZSSMMMNXX

heres an analogy

ni-ki hands : whale :: y/n hands : seahorse

LITERALLY U CANT EVEN SEE UR HANDS ANYMORE

they just vanish into thin air and u guys think its peak comedy

“whered ur hand go y/n 💀”

[heyitsyn]

Mess Up

TimeTraveler!Son x Haikyuu!!

a/n: lmao im really sorry about this :’( this is just a brain dump and something i thought of while i was watching the stage play and i was thinking about it last night until i fell asleep

p.s. your son’s name is natsu in this one and hes an oc so dont be confused as to who this guy is 😂

summary: your son accidentally stumbles through time and the only way he can go back is if his mother and father get together. the only problem? he doesnt know who his father is

he,,,, messed up

that was clear the moment he woke up to a supposed bicycle accident in early morning when it shouldve been a car accident at the dead of night

lets take a flashback shall we

natsu came home after volleyball practice around 8 at night and he stumbled through the front door where he could smell the delicious food that you were cooking

‘ma! tadaima!’

he shouted and you peeked from the hallway with your blue apron and ladle and a close-eyed grin

‘okaeri, baby!’

his slippers padded across the wooden floors to go to the kitchen and watch as you stirred the miso soup

‘how was practice, dumpling?’

omg i would totally call my future kids that though

he shrugged, even though you couldnt see him, and went to the fridge to grab a bottled water before taking a sip

‘inter-high is coming up so captain’s been making us practice longer’

he answered then went to jump on the counter beside the stove so you could see him

he turned silent as he inspected your features and how youthful you still looked despite going through so many stressful times and hardships of raising your son alone

but he was really wondering what was exactly your purpose of being here since you rarely cooked for him due to being busy at work and therefore coming home late

‘ma, why are you here early?’

you noticeably stopped for a second before smiling, eyes shifting from the pot to him

‘i,,, have something to talk about with you’

natsu blinked then leaned against the wall and crossed his arms

‘is it something bad? but youre cooking my favorite so it must be something good. then again, it might be something bad but you want to be on my good side so youre bribing me with-’

‘natsu’

you softly called out to him and he stopped

you turned off the stove and shuffled to the side so you could stand in between his legs

no words were said as a sad look passed your eyes and you cupped his face, looking at him

‘youve grown so much, natsu. ma is sorry that she wasnt here to watch you grow. can you forgive me?’

natsu let out a confused sound and he placed his hands on top of yours from his face then quirked an eyebrow

‘ma, whats going on?’

he slowly asked

you continued to look through every feature of your son and grimaced slightly as his father’s stood out much more than you thought

‘come. lets eat while we talk’

dinner was tense

it was more of the tension coming from you and natsu being so worried and confused that he couldnt even eat his favorite

suddenly, he slammed his chopsticks to the table, fed up with the silence and genuinely worried by your behavior

‘ma, tell me whats wrong’

you winced and swallowed before shakingly placing your own utensils down and looking at a stain on the table from when he was 5 and accidentally spilled dye from his tye-dye activity

‘natsu, i,,,’

you drifted off but he gestured for you to continue

‘first off,,, i want you to know that i love you and that i only want what’s best for you. second,,, i hope you will go through with this because i,,, dont want you to bear this,,, this grudge for the rest of your life’

‘am i adopted?’

he demanded but you looked at him in shock

‘what? no! we literally have the same hair color and eyes, dumpling!’

then he let out a relieved sigh

‘thats the worst thing i thought of so i feel better now. come on, hit me’

you chuckled but went back to talking

‘your father,,, wants to meet you’

nope, that was actually the worst thing he heard

‘father? what, father?’

he couldnt stop the venom that dripped from his words and you flinched because you knew he would act like this

‘we bumped into each other at the airport,,,, he told me about,,, wanting to meet,, you’

you mumbled, now concentrating at your laced fingers

‘well, you can tell him to fck off because the feeling’s not mutual’

natsu growled then continued shoveling down his rice but you reached out and softly placed a hand on his arm and sent him a pleading look

‘darling, i-,,, i dont want to do this either. but this hatred for him-your anger- i dont want you to live with this! this might not show now but it will affect you in the future with a-a future family! he will drag you down but if you just--- just talk to him once! just once-’

natsu banged a fist on the table and you gasped at the sudden sound

‘HE WANTED YOU TO KILL ME’

he shouted, anger and rage reeking from his spot across you

‘HE LEFT YOU TO FEND FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE HE WAS TOO MUCH OF A DAMN COWARD TO OWN UP TO A CHILD HE HELPED MAKE. OH SO WHAT- ALL BECAUSE HE JUST WANTED TO SCREW? A FUN TIME THEN THROW YOU-US- AWAY? NAH, MA, WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO MEET SOMEONE WHO NEVER WANTED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?’

you gulped because right now, you were able to see the similarity to his father

‘he just wants to see you-to talk to you’

‘BUT WHAT ABOUT ME? I DONT WANT TO SEE HIS FCKING FACE BECAUSE IF I DO, I MIGHT PLUMMET HIM TO THE GROUND’

‘natsu, please stop yelling at me’

you pleaded and he stared at you angrily but turned his gaze back to the chicken bites

‘every thought of him makes me angry so if i see him, i will lose every control i have. hes nothing but a stranger to me-wait, no, hes like dirt that deserves nothing but bad luck to come his way. its either he wanted me or cant have me. and he chose wrong so hes going to have live with it for the rest of his life and pretend i dont even exist. and thats that’

you ran your hands on your face then closed your eyes

‘natsu, you dont understand, we-- we were children! i was still a student! we didnt know,, we didnt know anything about babies! i-i feel like shite because i brought upon this rage in you towards him, your father! i want to make things right! to make peace!’

‘DO YOU THINK I NEVER SAW THE TIMES YOU SAT ON THIS SAME FCKING TABLE, LOOKING AT THE BANK ACCOUNT AND CRYING BECAUSE WE WOULDNT HAVE ENOUGH FOR FOOD TOMORROW? OR-OR WHEN YOU BEGGED-BEGGED- YOUR BOSS FOR MORE SHIFTS SO YOU COULD MAINTAIN A ROOF OVER OUR HEAD? YOU THINK I DONT SEE THAT SHITE?! BECAUSE I DO! I SEE IT AND IT STILL GIVES ME NIGHTMARES TO THIS DAY BECAUSE I COULDNT DO ANYTHING TO HELP YOU! I JUST SAT THERE AND LET YOU SUFFER IN SECRET BECAUSE I WAS JUST A CHILD! AND DO YOU KNOW WHO’S AT FAULT WITH ALL OF THIS?! HIM! HES THE REASON WHY YOU SHED EVERY BLOOD, EVERY SWEAT, AND EVERY TEAR! ITS BECAUSE OF HIM I NEVER SEE YOU BECAUSE YOURE BUSTING YOUR ASS AT WORK FOR ME! ITS BECAUSE OF HIM THAT I PLAY LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT SO I CAN BE SCOUTED AND EARN MONEY FOR US IN THE FUTURE! HIM! ALL HIM!’

angry tears were falling down his face and you stood up to hold him but he shot up

‘natsu-baby-please calm-’

‘WHO DOES THAT TO A CHILD’

his voice cracked and he hiccuped

‘IT DIGUSTS ME THAT I SHARE THE SAME BLOOD AS HIM AND I AM MADE WITH 50% OF HIM! AND I SEE THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYES BECAUSE I REMIND YOU OF HIM, DONT I? I HATE THAT! HE DID THAT TO YOU!’

you held on to him and tried to tell him to calm down because you knew how distructive he could be

‘I HATE HIM. AND I CANT BELIEVE YOURE TRYING TO CONVINCE ME TO SEE HIM. HOW COULD YOU’

maybe it mustve been the stress from midterms and the competitions but his heart was hammering and he could see nothing but red and feel nothing else but anger running through his veins

‘no, dumpling, youre misunderstanding because i-’

but he swatted your hand away, eyes staring at his shoes

‘i need to get away right now. just- i’ll be at katsuki’s house. dinner was good so thanks’

he mumbled and rushed to the hallway, picking up his gym bag and quickly slipping on his shoes

you ran to the door and held on to him

‘natsu we can talk this out! please! dont go! just stay-’

he shut his eyes to calm himself down before turning and giving you a soft kiss on your forehead

‘ill be back tomorrow. just let me go blow off some steam, kay, ma?’

but he didnt even give you an answer because he was already out the door

--

the walk from his apartment complex to katsuki’s house should’ve only taken nearly 10 minutes but he was so pre-occupied and distracted that he ended up missing the turns and ended up in an unfamiliar street

based on his surroundings, he was in the city but he remained his gaze on his shoes, just walking and walking, not stopping

this caused him to miss the stoplight and he was the only person who continued walking, the shouts and yells from the pedestrians falling deaf on his ears 

but it finally opened up with a loud honking and a bright light that made him freeze in shock until it collided with him, sending him flying and falling unconscious

---

natsu groaned, not because of the pain but because of the bright light

‘oh god, i died and im going to the light’

he mumbled but a frantic shout made his eyes fully open up

‘NO DONT GO TO THE LIGHT! OH GOD! I JUST KILLED SOMEONE!’

natsu turned to the direction of the voice and he jumped then rolled over to get away but indeed, the pain from the collision stopped him

‘ugh’

he groaned and winced

‘hey, hey, you okay?’

the high-pitched voice asked and natsu raised his head to see the boy with orange hair kneeled down in front of him and hands hovering over him

‘i feel,,, ugh’

natsu sniffed and the boy helped him sit up so he could fully look around

‘where am i?’

he asked and the boy shuffled to kneel down beside him

‘japan. sendai. oh, im hinata shoyo by the way! so sorry i hit you with my bike!’

but natsu’s jaw dropped

‘hinata,,, shoyo?’

his eyes widened and he completely forgot about the pain as he stood on his feet, pointing at the tangerine

‘OLYMPICS!’

he shouted and he was getting scared, eyes drifting to everywhere and pacing in circles

‘did i,,,, no, that doesnt happen. damn izuku wouldnt shut up about doctor who. its not possible, just not! right?!’

hinata was now panicked and thought he really messed up the guy in the head because the h/c boy was now walking in circles, murmuring angrily, and face switching expressions every millisecond

‘oh my god, i need to take you to the hospital! i messed you up!’

hinata frantically grabbed his phone but natsu jumped and grabbed the device

‘no. no, its fine. i just-,,,, i dont remember anything’

natsu played and hinata’s eyes got even wider

‘OH MY GOD I REALLY DID SOMETHING WORSE!’

but natsu placed his hands on his idol’s shoulders to calm him down

‘no hospital, no needles, no medics. just,,, call your emergency contact or something’

it was quite funny that the victim had to console the cause of the accident but hinata nonetheless complied and hit the call button

‘your mom?’

natsu asked but hinata shook his head

‘no. my team manager, l/n y/n. she’d know what to do’

but natsu’s brain exploded

‘l/n,,,, y/n?’

my ma?

oh god i really did mess up

this is going to be a whole mess and i can already feel it but yanno what? imma just go with the flow and go through with your guys’ thoughts and ideas so in a way, you can control (??) the story?? idk i really dont know what im doing but i just needed to put this into writing bc ive been thinking about it since i woke up. also, do you think i should write this in a headcanons way or normal writing way?

[fandommomhater]

okay so campie wampie..... i was in le appalachia and she was so pretty literally mountains do so much for us a society.... okay highlight reel

- got stung by a wasp had a bad reaction(im allergic ^^) but the nurse didnt want to use an epipen and call 911 so she gave me 5 benadyrll in the span of less than 6 hours which made me severely out of it. i slept for an entire afternoon, woke up, read half of a star trek novel but then got really upset about wesley and stopped, rolled out of bed to meet with the group and was apparently doing a “chaperone at a middle school dance” dance every time i was standing talking. there was a picture of gary the snail on the stage for a talent show and i was absolutely convinced he was looking at me. had an extremely vivid dream about the italian mafia coming after me. got so fucked by the concept of stairs when i was trying to go down a single flight and almost fell about 8 times

-also my counselors while this was happening were looking up “how much benadryll to get high” (spoiler it was the dose i was given ) and laughing their asses off at me. my cool counselor told her girlfriend about it. NOT COOL. anyway.

-also for the rest of camp my besties kept trying to mimic my dance they dont GET IT you have to bounce the kneess.... swing the feet... the arms are mildly desperate....

-erm lets see i had to do an amongus skit in front of the camp. the less we say about that the better

-like one day into camp my entire bunk started to use me as google because we didnt have internet and they thought i knew a lot. neurodivergent girls CANT stop winning at dead parent camp.

-my counselor put me in charge of the group so many times like girl i know i walk around with a little confident walk but i literally have the constitiution of a victorian orphan im shy im supposed to be stnading in the corner drinking a lukewarm water. not making announcements to the camp.... sighs.

-got to ride on a boat with our favie transmasc boat driver.... should clairfy he is actually transmac. i couldnt do the water activity cuz my hand was injured from le wasp sting so we fucking vibed..... i love boats so much....

-oh also i got to. theres this big blob thing in da lake and u can throw yourself off like a 1.5 story platform to jump onto it but everyone else was a pussy and couldnt jump so i did it like 7 times just me and da lifeguard hanigng.... everytime i hit it i got massive head truama and was like i shouldnt do that again. i have a terrible headache. and then i climbed back up and i was like wheeeeeee.

-erm okay this one is . okay i brought my favie little star trek magazines to camp cuz i needed SOMETHING to read.... anyway. one of them was an interview from an actor we can all guess who this is who may or may not be on this site i know how this sites search feature works i am not typing out his name you all KNOW who im talking about. okay. anyway my 4 person bunk loved him and made him like our unoffical cabin mascot. this is fine except that when i would come back from a grief activity and be like crying my eyes out and i would go to sit on my bunk and the magazine was just sitting there looking at me like. NOT THE TIME!!!!! HI NOT THE TIME!!!! it was fun

-they also gaslight me to thinking he died when we were at camp cuz no one had internet as soon as i had service i was like pleaseeee pleaseeeeeeeee. say it isnt so....

-omg speaking of i also had to wear so much mascara and eyeliner cuz thats my thing (goth) except i would always end up crying cuz. grief camp. and my mascara would run and i would go back and immediately apply more and then cry more . i couldnt just stop putting it on but i also couldnt stop crying so. functional impasse <3

-on like day 2 i was standing on the basketball course in the rain and just staight up said “i miss molly” except everyone heard me cuz i said it outloud and thought i was talking about molly our bunkmate and i was like. okay. okay well. okay well i have a parasocial relationship with this british cunt. i need him.

-also there was the camp director tee hee he had such pretty eyes omg every year its like omg hiiiiiii hiiiiii like. hee hee hi. i did this everyday when i saw him (not to his face im not that annoying) and it literally took until the last day of camp for my bunkmates to realize i was bi and not a lesbian.... nice job 10/10 guys also had the bi flag pattern ON MY NAME NECKALCE..... smh

-one girl did see my neckalce and go “are you bi” and i said “yes ^^” and she said “i couldve guessed from the unbuttoned hawaiin shirt cargo shorts and converse” and i was like. ok. ok. and then she was like “im bi too ^^” so i let that slide.

-one girl fell down a really steep hill but since i carried my little starfleet duffel with me everywhere and kept a first aid kit on me i did SUCH good first aid on her like 30 minutes before the aforementioned nurse came.... had those alcohol wipes disinfectant gauze bandaids AND a cold pack booyah! everyone thought this was very funny and thought i should be a doctor i say again IM JUST A LITTLE GUYYYY dont give me responisblity im just :pleading:

-last night i got to make a fire the counselor literally went inside and was like yah you can do i fire i trust you with that im going to sleep . and so i did it was fun i went mildly manic with fire privileges

-one night i had to replace a counselor and watch the 13-15 y/os at nightime and keep them quiet except i was still coming down from the benadryll and they were so rowdy and mean and i was there for like THREE HOURS.... ended up istting on the porch head in my hands getting really upset about mike townsedn

-SPEAKING OF PATHETIC MEN at the talent show when i was loopy someone wore wraparound glasses and i remembered norman my friend norman and went insane.

sorry tis is so long it was actually a really good week ^_^

[caffeinated-shifter]

yknow what screw it, cym jasper edition

except im super late lol

so!!!

(under cut bc i talk a lot)

CYM: FAVORITE MEMORIES

@im-shifting-to-the-moon - astronomy class last year. you seem just so cool and a vibe, kinda like my teacher. he was really really cool!

@lilytek - going to my grandmothers farm. she used to have this huge farm, and had a flower garden. she would take me to pick flowers and i always made sure to pick some of my faves, tiger lilies!! (even if i have seasonal allergies, lol)

@lil-shifting-shit - watching superhero movies with my family. we are a huge marvel family, and it was fun to watch and analyze and theorize with them! plus just,,, they look cool.

@chaos-bb - main memory im thinking of is watching the entirety of gravity falls in one sitting. it was so nostalgic and fun to rewatch it!

@shifting-lark - since i associate you in general with water, i would have to say my fishing trip with my grandpa and brother when i was very young and woke up at (iirc) 5:55 am?? i kept catching the same turtle it was very fun, would go again.

@poppythewitcher - talking with my sister in law about the witcher. she was so interested in how pretty it was, but couldnt get past the tutorial. bonus memory! my chemistry teacher making me listen to the witcher 3 (i think?) soundtrack in class bc i was listening to the red dead 2 soundtrack. chem teacher was so cool he was the best.

@gen-is-shifting - so idk why but??? catching every legendary pokemon in alpha sapphire with ultra balls only. also playing pokemon x and meeting xerneas,,, it was so cool??? serotonin levels said stonks

@shifting-soot - listening to mother mother in the rain. i cant explain it but. mother mother in the rain, whilst drawing. plus just,, anytime i watch dsmp bc the serotonin,,,,

@shifting-inspos - psych class this year! my teacher was so so cool, and i had so much fun with everything! most favorite part was getting to talk to this one girl about certain brain functions.

@shifty-bandit - okay this one needs an explanation. so i was hosting a dnd session, and my gf was playing a tabaxi rogue, my one friend was playing a dragon type, and my bf was playing a tiefling. my friends character was a bitch, so my npc was gonna try to poison them, but he used milk. so my gf, being a cat, takes it and drinks it. she then almost dies bc of her failing her 3 saving rolls. i let her live tho bc it had literally only been,,,, not even 30 minutes.

@peachshifting - after my grandfather died, my grandmother got remarried in 2012-ish, so like 8 years later. but then he died. but the second husband isnt important. my grandmother had moved in with him, and they had a cute lil peach tree in the side yard, and when she had too many, we would eat some then, and also bring them to her neighbors.

@romeshifting - buying phoenix wright for the ps4 to play with my bf, and then passing out before we even finished the first trial. in my defense, it was very late! but, it was fun! plus watching phoenix wright with my gf while mildly sleep deprived! 

[yeoldontknow]

❧ check in tag

tagged by the sweetest angel @propinqxity to do this little tag. this is such a cute list of questions, and some of these i dont think ive been asked before. thank you so much for the tag and the tumblr crush mention lovely. you truly are a bright spot on this website and i mean that sincerely <333

going under a cut because im certain i will ramble ~

1. Why did you choose this url?

its sort of like a pun between yall dont know and the fact that, hopefully, sincerely, chanyeol does not in fact know that i run this blog lmao i changed to this after a long time of being bread-jinie and i wanted to rebrand. i will, however, do my best to never change URLs again because the masterlist switch over was a complete hassle

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

i have a fic recs blog called @yeoldontknowiread. as to why i have it, i know it hasnt been updated in ages since ive been kind of on hiatus, but i think reading and sharing work on this platform is immensely important. i actually read quite a lot of fanfiction, and i try my best to share the things i read. im very very behind on recs at the moment cause i try my best to write something substantial for every recommendation i make. as a writer, i know exactly the kinds of thoughts and feedback on fics that make my heart soar so i try to put in the same energy to my recs. community is only fostered when there is reciprocation

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

hmmm since april 2017. i actually had my 4 year anniversary this year and i did have plans for things but i got roped into real life things and couldnt celebrate the way i truly wanted to :(

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no but sometimes i think i should. i view tags as a library on top of my knee jerk response to things. most of my tags are just my initial thoughts or feelings at any given moment, so those take precedence over a specific queue tag

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

when i was getting into exo, i was reading fanfiction like crazy. i used to write fanfic quite a lot in other fandoms, but at that time i hadnt written anything in about 2.5 years. exo was the first re-introduction to that feeling of excitement and inspiration. after about 3 weeks of straight reading, i decided i wanted to write again. i wrote the prologue to hero in about two hours and tried logging into AO3 to post it. sadly i forgot all of my log in information because it had been years, and was getting frustrated. i really wanted to put it somewhere out of fear that id lose interest if i didnt do something with it, and everything id read had been on tumblr. so i made a tumblr just to put hero lmao i didnt have any mutuals. it was a blog with straight 0. i hadnt even created an account to interact with writers before that moment, i really thought id be a silent reader forever. but exo woke me back up and for that i am eternally grateful.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

the yours music video is...so stunning? like the colour theory throughout the whole thing is truly so inspiring and gorgeous. and this shot of chanyeol looking at the painting took my breath away, truly. tulips and the color of peach, like do you know how evocative that is? ugh

7. Why did you choose your header

my header was made by @jamaisjoons for my birthday this year because shes literally the most talented person when it comes to graphics. and this was so kind of her to do, i cried a lot

8. What's your post with the most notes?

uhm....either the body through time or truth i cant remember which but i checked recently and its one of those

9. How many mutuals do you have?

honestly at this point im not even sure. i know ive lost a bunch while i was on hiatus because i was basically a dead blog, and some people do dash cleanses. and im certain others have left, too, for their own reasons. still, i have a good core of friends though who are active and that is enough for me

10. How many followers do you have?

more than i probably deserve

11. How many people do you follow?

399

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhm i guess? there was a time when nng was not updated and every wednesday id post the days go by music video in sadness and grief but im not a big shitposter. if i make a text post its usually a life update or me crying about chanyeol, theres no inbetween lmao

13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?

tbh i havent used tumblr that often, not since march i think. i used to use it many times a day, checking in on friends and stuff, but once i started focusing on my phd applications i was only here sporadically. i didnt make an announcement either, just let my blog run on queue so i wasnt totally gone. i think i was checking in twice a week or maybe once every two weeks to refill my queue and check mentions etc. but now that my interviews are done im trying to get back on here daily to reconnect

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

ive had my share of disagreements with people and any details about those situations shall remain as they are meant to: private

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

in what context? like, you need to reblog this or your wish wont come true? or like, please reblog this to spread the word/spread awareness, etc? in the case for the former, i scroll right by. in the case of the latter, if im around and see someone raising a go fund me or some major event is occurring and i find a post with good sources or charities i will reblog. mostly though, the full extent my activism isnt really on this blog. its my escape from reality. my activism is usually placed on other platforms.

16. Do you like tag games?

i doooo!!! theyre so fun i love learning about my friends

17. do you like ask games?

i love those too! theyre so cute and usually a nice way to have interaction immediacy with people in the community

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

no one. can we please abandon this notion of fame on tumblr? arent we all here to write about some dick and some smut and some fluff and then hang out together and log off? lmao tumblr isnt reality and followers/fame is so arbitrary on this platform, no one has any control over any of it

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am in love with so many people here. let me name a few:

@yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @inkedtae @kookdiaries @yoonia @dulcetvk @kithtaehyung @imdifferentshadesofpurple @ditzymax @sugaurora @sahmbtsficrecs @junghelioseok @yeojaa @augustbutwinter @joonscore @btssavedmylifeblr @cutechim @sunshinekims @kimtaehyunq @ouvuo @delhyun @exo-stentialism @sooibian @softyoongiionly @jinseunie @zibermuda @bratkook @1kook @luffles424 @xjoonchildx

and so many other people and mutuals that i am certainly forgetting. love is such an expansive feeling, and it encompasses platonic ardor and creative desire. i admire every single person listed for so many different reasons, and cherish and treasure them or what they provide to the community. love is such an important and broad experience. truly, i hope they feel adored every single day x

[supergirl-writingz]

Kidnapped Part 2

B!D deals with recovery.

Note: the doctor being named dr grey isnt actually like mer or lexie i literally just watch too much greys and couldnt think of another name haha also THANK U FOR BEING SO PATIENT W ME im really proud of this fic tbh and i hope u guys like it:) remember requests are always open

Warning: trauma, anxiety, therapy

It’s been about one week since you were rescued. You were doing okay. Everyone was trying to convince you to see someone, to talk about what you went through. You didn’t get why. You realized you have been through something tragic, but wouldn’t it be easier to just put it in the past? 

Physically, you still had a long way to go. You were still cooped up at the DEO and you would be for a little bit longer. You had bruises everywhere, 2 broken ribs, a concussion, and a broken bone in your foot. But Lena assured you that you were healing properly. You trusted her.

Your least favorite part about everything, was the way people were treating you. They treated you as if you were glass, and if they spoke to loud or even held your hand, they would break you. You didn’t feel broken and you didn’t get why everyone wanted you to be. Lena was the only one who would tell you things how they were, straightforward with no holding back. You appreciated it. 

Lena walked into the room, “Hey hun can we talk?”

You nodded, “Of course Lena what’s up?”

Lena sat at the edge of your bed, “Darling I think you need to see someone, you-”

“Not you too” you interrupted rolling your eyes, “I’m fine, I don’t need to see anyone”

Lena was patient with you, with a calm voice she said, “Y/N you can’t keep bottling up your emotions, it’s not healthy. If you don’t let this out you’re gonna have a breakdown. You’re not fine and thats okay.”

“I am fine” you snapped at her.

“Y/N, you are scared to sleep without sedatives and you haven’t talked about what happened to you at all. Let me help you, please talk to me, or Kara or Alex or a specialist. Please”

You turned your head away from her. You were embarrassed but it was true, you were scared of going to bed without them.

“Don’t sedate me tonight, I’ll sleep just fine”

Lena sighed, “Okay”

As she walked out she turned around and said, “You know we’re all just trying to do what’s best for you right?”

You didn’t answer. Lena walked out looking sad and defeated. You felt bad, she’s helped you so much. But you were tired of people saying you weren’t okay. You thought about sleeping tonight without the sedatives, truthfully you were nervous but you didn’t tell anyone. Tonight was Kara’s turn to sleep in your room, and she always made you feel safe. 

Later that night, around 11, you finally fell asleep after tossing and turning for a couple hours. 

All of the sudden you woke up with a start not knowing where you were. You were screaming and your heart rate was through the roof. Kara instantly got up and rushed to you.

“Y/N baby it’s just a dream! You’re okay!” she said calmly but loud enough so it would get through to you.

It didn’t help. You were starting to hyperventilate. Kara put her face directly in front of yours.

“Look at my sweetheart, breathe like I do” Kara said, breathing in and out slowly for me to follow.

You looked Kara in the eyes and started following her breathing. 5 minutes later you were breathing normally. Lena and Alex came rushing in, someone must have called them.

“Baby what happened?” Alex asked with a concerned tone. 

Tears were building up in your eyes, “I- I was back there.. in my dream”.

“The room where it all happened?” Lena asked. You nodded, tears starting to come quicker

“It was so real, I could feel every punch, every kick. It was like I was back there.” you said, at this point you were sobbing. 

Alex came close to you and put her hand to your cheek, “You’re safe now Y/N, he can’t hurt you anymore”

You pulled Alex closer and cried into the crook of her neck. While Kara was strong and comforting, there was something about Alex that made you feel powerful and in control. She was such a good directer at the DEO, even if things in her life were bad. Even when everything was going wrong, she had control. You needed that. You needed to be in control of your emotions, but you didn’t know how. You realized now everyone was right, you weren’t okay. But you still didn’t like the idea of seeing a therapist of any kind. You just couldn’t imagine talking to a complete stranger about things you can’t talk about to the people closest to you. 

You started to calm down and stopped crying. You looked up at Lena.

“I’m so sorry Lena”, you said.

“Darling you have nothing to be sorry for” she replied softly.

“I was so rude to you, you were just trying to help” you replied guiltily.

“You���re struggling little one, whether you know it or not, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. After what you’ve been through, we’d be more concerned if you weren’t struggling” Kara said.

“We just want you to feel better and we want you to know you have our constant support” Alex said.

You looked down and smiled softly. You didn’t know what you would do without these people. You didn’t think therapy was for you, but it seems like it would make them feel better, and who knows maybe it would make you feel better too. 

“I’ll see someone”, you said quietly, “if you guys really think it will be good”

Alex smiled and said, “We’re only asking that you try”. 

You got in a couple more hours of sleep before day time had come and it was too bright to sleep. You heard a knock at the door and looked up to see Lena and another woman you didn’t recognize. 

“Hey hun, this is Dr. Grey, she works with people who have been through trauma” Lena said, trying not to overwhelm you.

She smiled a bright smile and said, “Hi, it’s nice to meet you”

You took a breath and remembered how you told Lena and your sisters you would give it a try. 

You reached out your hand and said “Hi, I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you too”

Dr. Grey shook your hand then told you that Lena or your sisters could stay in the room, or it could be just them. You decided to give it a try alone with Dr. Grey. Lena understood and wished you good luck before leaving. You took a deep breath, talking to this stranger was making you feel anxious. You and Dr. Grey started talking, and quickly you felt more comfortable. You guys didn’t talk much about the kidnapping, she mostly just wanted to know your home and social life. You told her pretty much everything, from your sisters, your friends, Lena, and school. Dr. Grey was pretty easy to talk to. The only time the kidnapping did come up was when she suggested that you talk to your sisters or Lena about what happened. She said if it was out in the open, you might feel better. She made it very clear though that you should wait until you were ready. And just like that, your hour session was over before you knew it.

“Thank you Dr. Grey” you said.

She smiled warmly, “So we’ll be meeting again?”

You returned her smile and nodded. 

About 2 weeks later, you were sitting in your bed at the DEO. You have been seeing Dr. Grey daily and it was helping a lot. All of the sudden Kara walked in and you smiled at her asked her to bring Alex and Lena into the room. Kara smiled and nodded, walking out of the room to get them. A few moments later, the three women walked in. 

“So Dr. Grey thought that I should talk to at least someone about what happened, other than her. And I trust you guys more than anyone, so I want to tell you guys” you say, starting to feel a little anxious.

“That’s very sweet darling but we don’t wanna push you into talking about something you’re not ready to talk about” Lena said concerned.

You smiled, “I’m ready”, and they nodded.

You told them everything, from you walking home from school, to the guy grabbing you, to your surroundings, and on and on. You told them how they wanted to know who Supergirl was, and you shot Kara a warm look almost saying, ‘This isn’t your fault’. Kara gave you a small yet guilty smile. You took a deep breath as you started to talk about the torture. Your hands were shaking so Alex grabbed them into hers. You didn’t even realize you were crying until Kara wiped a tear from your cheek. You told them everything... you told them the beatings, about the whips and taser. You told them about the hunger, and how cold it was. You told them how you were so hopped up on drugs, you couldn’t even remember how you got there. 

“The scariest part was when I lost hope, I truly thought I was gonna die there” you said. You finally looked up at them, Kara was crying just as much as you were. Lena and Alex had some tears too, but you could tell they were trying to be strong. You grabbed Kara’s hands and looked her in the eyes.

“But you saved me Kara, you’re the reason I’m still here” you said softly.

Kara pulled you into a hug and you felt her warmth and comfort, which then turned into pain from your ribs.

“Kara.. too tight” you said chuckling.

“Sorry” she laughed immediately letting go. The four of you sat there in silence for a while, enjoying each others company. Dr. Grey was right, you did feel better putting it all out there. 

A few weeks later, you were making great progress. You were still having nightmares, but not every night. The anxiety meds you were taking were starting to help with the panic attacks too. You were still at the DEO, but you were starting to walk around though, with a boot and crutches. Your ribs were almost healed and your concussion was all gone. 

You were doing great with Dr. Grey too. The only thing she was concerned with was that you didn’t want to leave the DEO. Of course you wanted to be at home, but you couldn’t get yourself to step out of the building. You felt safe in there. You had this fear that the man who took you would be out there, even though you knew he was in custody. Everyone tried to get you just to go on a simple walk outside, but your anxiety would kick in before you even got the chance. Today was going to be different, today you were determined to go outside. You haven’t been outside since Kara flew you to the DEO the day of the kidnapping, and you were barely conscious.. but today was different. 

You asked Kara, Alex, and Lena if you could all go on a walk. They gave a little surprised look but didn't say anything, they probably didn’t want you to overthink it, but they realized how big of a deal this was. You guys were having a normal conversation, walking through the DEO. You stopped when you reached the exit. You felt Kara give your hand a little squeeze, letting you know that it’s okay. You took a deep breath, opened the door, and walked outside. 

You were surprised as you felt the fresh air in your lungs. Everything looked greener than you remember. You spent so much time in the DEO, that you forgot there was life outside of the grey and dark building. You looked around at all the people, talking and laughing, and you were amazed at how good it felt. You quickly started to cry and turned back to your sisters and Lena.

“Oh baby why are you crying?” Alex asked softly, “Do you wanna go back inside?”

These were happy tears. 

“I’m finally free from him” you said smiling, wiping the tears from your face. 

They all smiled at you and were so proud of your strength and perseverance. You had a lot to work through still, but this was a break through. This was the first time since the kidnapping, that you were 100% sure that you would make it through this. You pulled them into group hug, silently thanking them for never leaving your side.

[creativelyderangedme]

Last Night Chapter 3

Previous chapter

Read on AO3

Before they could go gallivanting around Paris, though, Nino made a request to stop in at the club to deal with a last minute tab mix-up from the night before - which since it was on the way to the location tagged in the earliest posts of him and Ladybug, he didn't have a problem with it. It was also kind of hard to argue with a request from a guy literally planning on following you on a glorified scavenger hunt.

But before then, of course, there was also the matter of the strange hotel room mix-up that needed to be sorted out. 

So after combing over the room for anything else he might have left and changing into something a little more comfortable, both he and Nino went down to the front desk in the hotel lobby. 

The Huxton truly was a fantastically posh sort of place - giving off the air of old money with a mixture of fashionable millennial hipster charm. Warm leather chairs littered the open lobby, accented by the navy and bright reds of carpets and plush cushions, and deep greens of floral arrangements around the connecting room leading to the open terrace and bar and lounge. It was the kind of place Adrien could see himself spending a lot of time in given the chance. Something between the extravagance of his old room back at the mansion and a home he’d like to create some day; filled with things that were like him - things that screamed Adrien. 

But that was a day dream for another time.

"Good morning, Mr. Agreste, I hope your stay has been pleasant so far!" A young attendant beamed at him the moment they approached the desk. 

He recognized the bubbly blonde immediately, having been helped by her when they checked in the day before. 

Estelle was her name. 

He wondered briefly if they’d been professionally trained, or if Estelle always looked this perfectly coiffed and outwardly radiant and approachable. It sometimes took multiple cups of coffee before even he could muster the amount of charisma she seemed to have in spades. 

Adrien grimaced, but tried to hide it under a smile, "Please, just Adrien. And actually I think something happened last night and I wanted to apologize."

The young woman gave him a confused look but allowed him to continue without interruption.

"You see, I woke up in a completely different hotel room than the one we checked into yesterday, and for the life of me, I don't know how, and I am so sorry for any trouble that might have caused. I'll pay for the room and any damage fee to make up for it."

The receptionist merely blinked for a moment at his word vomit, her bubbly radiance flickering for a moment as she seemed to mentally ask herself how this always seemed to happen to her before turning back into a megawatt bulb of sunshine, "Oh! I-I see. Would you happen to remember the room number?"

"Yes, it was 414." Nino answered in his place, recognizing the mortification crawling up Adrien's spine.

Estelle nodded and quickly began typing at her terminal, silence and persistent tapping filling the void while they waited for the impending news. Though, the longer they stood there, the more confusion seemed to fill her expression, "a-actually, sir, while I'm not completely certain of the circumstances, it - it looks like you booked that room."

"What? No, I only booked the room you checked us into yesterday."

She smiled once more, though, this time it seemed a bit strained - as she turned the monitor so that he could see what she did, "it says here that this room was booked early this morning. It looks like Collette was the one to book the room for you. She's not set to arrive until later this afternoon, but I could give you a call when she does?"

Early this morning? If the time stamp was to be believed it was nearly four am when the room was booked. 

Staring at the screen wasn't giving him any further clues, so he nodded at the attendant.

"Yeah, please do. Thanks."

They began to walk away but Adrien stopped, turning back to the woman, "By chance, do you happen to remember seeing me leave here yesterday?"

Even as she appeared put off by the question, she answered him quickly.

"Yes. Both times. First with your friend and then again about an hour and a half later. Though, the second time you'd changed clothes. I remember because you asked me if I thought it looked too flashy for a club." She giggled good naturedly.

Nino snickered at his side, coughing to cover it up when Adrien scowled at him. 

Finally, they waved and headed out the hotel's main entrance.

If ever Adrien hated the reminder that alcohol was not his friend, it was then as he and Nino stepped out into the late-morning sun of a gorgeous day in Paris - where the combination of splitting headache and overwhelming nausea nearly brought him to his knees while his friend pulled up the Uber app to confirm their ride.

"You good dude?"

The blonde could only grunt in response, swallowing back the abundance of saliva in his mouth in an effort to keep from heaving.

Something that didn't exactly convince his best friend that he was in the clear, "You know they charge extra if you puke in the cars, right?"

"I'll - I'll be fine. Just give me a moment."

Nino hummed, watching him with a curious tilt to his brow, "I haven't seen you this fucked up since the day after your old man's arrest. Just how much did you drink last night anyways?"

The unwanted memory of sitting hunched over someone's (he doesn't exactly remember who's) toilet bowl while puking his guts up until he had nothing left in his system (then dry heaving for at least an hour after that) flashed in his mind. It was a party his friends had thrown to just celebrate the end of Hawkmoth's reign of terror. For him though, it had been an opportunity to forget that twenty-four hours prior to that, he'd unmasked his own father after the man had tried to kill him and his partner in the hopes of stealing their miraculous to bring back his comatose mother.

There had been a lot of things he'd wanted to forget. 

Unfortunately for him, he didn't have the tolerance for the alcohol he drank. Landing him in a nice cozy embrace with the porcelain throne the next day.

Apparently he still didn't have the tolerance.

Through his musings of the past, Adrien failed to notice his friend fishing something from his bag to hand to him until it was waving in his face.

A pair of aviators. 

The blonde thanked him before putting the glasses on, reducing the ever present sting of light on his hungover brain. And just in time as a car pulled up to take them to their destination.

The ride to the bar was blessedly short and Adrien had managed to keep his stomach from rolling for the most part, but was very thankful when they climbed out of the silver economy compact with a half hearted wave and 5 stars.

Looking up at the ostentatious entrance to Chez Moune, the blonde had the strangest rush of dejavu. Something about the gold embellished entrance trim sparking familiarity that he couldnt place.

Nino walked right past him and through the doors, making his way up to the main club room and Adrien shook off his thoughts to follow after. 

The former cabaret turned dance club was lit brightly for the early staff, stocking and preparing for another night of fun for tourists and local party seekers alike. 

It was a club that Nino had managed to land more than a couple gigs, and had reserved a portion of for the going away party they’d all thrown him the night before. Celebrating the next leg of his life...

I’m leaving town soon. Tonight I’m supposed to be celebrating...

The voice wrapped around him like a fine silk, beckoning him towards the edge of a memory. Red - he was surrounded by red and moving shadows. And if he listened hard enough, he could hear the pounding of a bass beat that synced with the beating of his heart - steady and rhythmic and sultry. 

There was the twinkling of bells riding on the coat-tails of a sweet voice.

You’ll get over it, I’m sure...

"Hey man - did you hear me?”

Adrien blinked, and the red club lights and shifting bodies disappeared, leaving an entirely too quiet empty bar and bright fluorescents. It took another moment before he realized he’d been asked a question, turning to look at Nino and ground himself in the present once more.

"Dude, you sure you’re good?"

His adam’s apple bobbed with the force of his swallow, but he nodded slowly. He was dizzy, and for the first time, not because he was hungover.

The blonde turned back to the bar and snippets pieced themselves together in his mind, bringing clarity to what felt like a fever dream.

"I actually did make it back."

"What?"

Adrien ran his tongue over parched lips, “I made it back to the club,” he said quietly, almost absently, but with much more confidence as he stared unseeing at a pair of bar chairs on the far side of the room.

There. 

That's where he'd seen her.

When he'd managed to make it back to the club and no one was the wiser of his identity behind the black mask, he'd looked up to find his friends, only for his eyes to lock on her almost immediately in the crowd.

Understatement of the year, but, It had been a total shock to his system. Knocking the breath clean from his chest as he took her in.

It wasn't the red mask or the signature pig-tails hidden beneath a chic rimmed hat that had given her away.

Funny enough, it was her skirt.

Maybe not funny, because the presence of that one article of clothing had turned his world on its head. 

It was more than possible he was mistaken. It could have been anyone.

But not just anyone could pull off ladybug spots. Which she did. Oh god she did. It was a long,  high-waisted skirt with a bow in the same fabric on her hip. 

But he'd remember that skirt anywhere. She'd only ever worn it one other time, afterall, and it was the last time he'd seen her, so the memory of her outfit from that day was burned into his memory.

It had to be her.

Right? 

Adrien ignored the crowd as he made his way over to her, all the while his heart raced and mind fumbled over what he was going to say. The nerves were killing him. What if he was wrong? What if this was a complete stranger and he made an absolute fool of himself.

But what if it was her, a voice pushed in the back of his head, sounding suspiciously like Plagg. 

He fought himself the entire way over, his mind completely unaware of the body's natural magnetism to the woman until he was standing close enough he could reach out.

It was now or never.

“What’s a lady like you doing in a place like this?”

Mentally, he'd face-palmed at the absolutely horrid words spilling from his mouth. Seriously? That's what he went with?

The lady in question rolled her eyes at what was probably not the first pick-up line she’d heard that evening, turning to look at him, blue eyes flashing with something close to shock and recognition before a brow pulled up under her mask. 

She searched him for a moment. 

The longest moment of his life. 

Those eyes (if he was right, and he was positive that he was - oh god please let him be right) had always been so expressive - and he could see everything as it flashed in her expression; uncertainty, disbelief, reluctant recognition again before a smirk slowly graced her perfectly painted red lips, “Really? That’s the best you got?”

"For now, yes.” He nodded decisively, before finally taking the open seat next to her, “Though it did get you talking to me, so, I count that as a win."

She eyed him critically again before commenting, "Smooth."

"I try."

"Too hard."

He chuckled, because she always had been quite sharp-tongued and feisty. Good to see that hadn’t changed. “You never did answer my earlier question, though.”

"Why should I? You're a stranger in a bar."

Maybe, maybe not, he wanted to say, but thought better of trying to be too pushy.

"That's fair. You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

He could see her eyeing him critically out of his peripherals. 

“I’m leaving town soon. Tonight I’m supposed to be celebrating, but it just doesn’t feel right.”

He didn't let the grin spread over his lips at having gotten an answer, but did nod along, “I understand the feeling.”

“Oh?”

“As it turns out, I’ll be leaving town soon as well. And I too am supposed to be celebrating.” what were the chances they'd both be here celebrating? Slim to nil.

“So what’s your excuse?”

“Well, I saw this lovely lady sitting at the bar and felt it was my sworn duty to keep her company.”

The masked woman snorted a chuckle, trying desperately to hide the amused grin as she brought her drink to her lips, “Wow. That was worse than your intro.”

“Meowch. You wound me!”

He caught the way her eyes cut back over him at the pun before answering, “You’ll get over it, I’m sure.” Laughing lightly into the back of her hand, sweetly, like twinkling bells.

He could spend eternity getting lost in the sounds she made, but he had a mission. He could not allow himself to be distracted.

He waved over a bartender and ordered a rum and coke, throwing a few bills on the counter, exchanging currency for liquid courage before turning back to his companion.

“Why doesn’t it feel right to be celebrating?”

She hummed, considering her words as she peered over at him and the drink he made himself busy consuming, then turning back to stare at the glass she passed back and forth between her fingers on the bar top, "There was - something I had hoped to do before I left Paris, but I don't think that's possible anymore… I missed my chance."

Missed her chance? Adrien fought every instinct in his body urging him to envelope this woman in his arms and tell her it wasn't too late - but he had no idea what she was referring to.

And it hadn't been her that had missed their chance. No, the blame for that was solely on his shoulders. "I see. I'm sorry to hear that." He murmured softly, not quite sure what else to say to her confession. 

Which left them sitting in an awkward silence that neither seemed to know how to dissipate. Both turning to finish their respective drinks.

That is, until the bartender came back around not five minutes after their glasses were empty with a fresh drink for the both of them.

Adrien’s masked companion immediately went to rectify the oversight, “Oh! But I-”

“On the house.” The bartender smiled, looking between the two of them - a kid in a candy store kind of giddiness to his stare, nodding his head like he was trying to find the right words to say before settling on, “And thanks. For everything.”

Both Adrien and his masked companion’s eyes widened at his words.

Neither confirming or denying his claims.

And the bartender didn’t stick around long enough for them to do so, either.

There was a moment where both of them just sat there staring at the drinks placed in front of them. Like taking the drinks would confirm every suspicion dancing between them. 

“I-it was almost like he recognized us or… something…” She said softly, and had it not been for his enhanced hearing, he probably would have missed it. She reached out and took the drink and Adrien watched as she stared at it, the faintest hint of a smile pulling at the corner of her lips. A soft yet sad far away look in her eyes.

A small chuckle escaped him as he too took his drink, “... or something.” He confirmed.

They were dancing around their identities again. It was so familiar and so frustrating, but he didn’t dare broach the subject in fear of breaking whatever spell kept her seated next to him instead of leaving. 

Because she had every right to.

She had every right to get up and leave and never say another word to him. Disappear into anonymity like a ghost of his past destined to haunt his every waking thought, but dancing just out of reach.

So he accepted the drink and accepted the company even if it meant hiding behind masks again, because - God he missed her.

He missed the easy conversion. He missed the quiet moments spent on rooftops under the stars. He missed her chiding him for his jokes. And he missed the way she demanded he take care of himself. Like her happiness depended entirely on his wellbeing.

And despite everything, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't still irrevocably in love with her.

It wasn't until they'd both nearly finished their free rounds that something caught the lady’s eye and made her groan to herself.

"Whats with the sound of distaste?"

She hummed, and shook her head, remembering her audience of one, "nothing. Just saw something gross." She threw back the rest of her drink then turned back to him, “You know… this place is seriously beat.” grumbling, and looking for sympathy.

But instead, she would be met with a flash of inspiration across his face. “Then what are we waiting for?” he stood, nearly knocking over his chair, but steadied himself, reaching out to offer her his hand, “Let’s blow this joint.”

She sputtered a laugh as she looked between his face and the hand he outstretched to her, “And go where? Do what?”

What couldn’t they do? He smiled, feeling an overwhelming excitement take hold of him. Like he’d just transformed and he could feel the power Plagg once offered wash over him. “Everything.”

“Everything?”

He nodded, not at all deterred by the ‘you’ve grown two heads’ expression on her face, “You said you’re leaving town soon, right?"

"Yes?"

“Then, what would one night of fun hurt?”

Because right now, he was Chat Noir. He could leap great distances, climb towers, defeat evil. They could do anything as long as they were together. 

"B-but I don't even know you. You don't even know me!"

He grinned still, "Perhaps we know each other better than we think we do? Either way, we're two people about to leave Paris. We can't just go without giving the city one last chance to give us an adventure, right? Something sweet to remember it by."

She chuckled again, looking dazed and stricken, and trying to convince herself that the man before her was nothing but a creep trying to lure her away. She glanced at something over his shoulder, but her eyes kept coming back to rest on him. The indecision was being overshadowed by a spark of temptation in her features - something giving away how badly she wanted to say yes.

All he needed to do was give her a reason. 

“Would I ever steer you wrong, M’Lady?”

The mystery woman's eyes widened as Adrien made the comment, confirmation of his suspicions in a single gaze as he offered her his hand in invitation. He could have said anything, and she could have denied it. She could have brushed off the comment as him being a terrible flirt and told him to take a hike.

Instead, recognition lit her eyes like summer fireworks and painful tenderness filled her stare.

And despite everything, She took his hand.

"No, I suppose you wouldn't. Would you, Chaton?"

[chqnverse]

𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲

A/N:her is the next part of the pregnancy series are back after Months!Yey I hope you like it!

Genre:

🌻 - Fluff

✔️ - Completed

↳ Summary: You are 7 months Pregnant

𝐒𝐞𝐨𝐤𝐣𝐢𝐧

Your Son was kicking much more day by day. You looked down at your stomach and see Jae-Hwa moving around.

You began to feel hungry,you put your hand on your Tummy “Lets just ask Your Daddy if he can make us food” You hear the door open and see Jin coming home from practice “Hey Jagi how are you and Jae-Hwa today?” You smile as he walks towards you you pursed your lips and he gave you a peck.

“Its fine but we are hungry!” Jin kissed your bump “Then why didnt you made you something to eat?” You sight “Cuz your Lovely son is more active day by day and today he didnt want to stop”You whined.

Jin smiled”How about I make you both Kimchi with fried rice?”You nod exited yes Please” Jin kissed you Bump again and Seconds later he feelt his on kick right there where Jin gave a kiss You smiled “Do that again” He kissed the right side of the bump and Jae-Hwa kicked right there again “I could do that the whole day but I need to make you food now”Jin got up and kissed your lips sweetly as you pulled away you smiled at him.“Thank you Jinie I love you”He smiles at you “I love you too”

𝐘𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢

Today Yoongi was in his studio at home and you had nothing to do so you at on the couch waiting for Yoongi to get back home.Hyun-Ae was moving around and you where looking down at your bump with a big smile on your face.

You heard a Wuff so you looked up and saw Holly wagging her trail and looking at the Hallway you saw Yoongi coming towards you.He stopped besides holly and pat her head and then sat down beside you and kissed your lips and then you Baby Bump.

“Baby I need your opinion to a new song I wrote”You nod your head “Why dont you show it  Hyun-Ae first i read somewhere that she can hear now”He nods exited and put headphones on your tummy:You felt her moving around.

Yoongi was in front of you hand on the front of your Bump He gave you a Gummy Smile  “I think she likes my song” You put your hands on his cheek “yes she literally Dances in there”You point at the Bump Yoongi couldnt stop smiling and kissed your bump.

He pulls of the headphones and looks at your tummy “do you like this song Baby Girl if yes kick 2 times” A moment later you felt her kick 2 times Yoongi looks at you with wide eyes”Woah I can literally see her cute little feet”You giggle at him.

𝐇𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐤

Hobi was practicing and you where waiting in the corner.You sat on the floor and looked thought your Phone texting your friends.Sometimes laughing at their Jokes.

Hoseok stopped the music and comes towards you  and sat down beside you he put his hand above your bump and put his arms around you.”Sunshine...We can go home in a few just wanna take a break” You put your phone down and put your hand in his hair he hums “Fells nice Sunshine” You giggle “You comfy?” He nods and kissed your Bump “Very”

You gab his hand “Feel that baby...In-Su is moving around”Hobi smiles “As he feels In-Su “Wow this feels nice” You kissed the top of his head Hobi began to talk to your son “Hey Bub..Here is yor Dad I am exited to meet you in a few months I or better we,me and your Mommy Loves you with all our heart” You feel In-Su kick “I think he is exited Just like you”

Hobi smiles Hi sunshine smile

𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧

You woke up heard your Husbands voice.you couldnt understand what he is saying.

You let out a groan and opened your eyes and looked down and Saw Namjoon talking to you Bum or to be exact Joo-Chan and Joo-Eun.It became a normal ting,Every morning Namjoon would talk to his Daughter and Son. You Put your hand in his hair and pat it.

He looked up to you “Good Morning Baby” You smiled “Morning Joonie the Pooh” He smiled at the Nickname you gave him at the beginning of your relationship.”How can you even sleep with this big but Cute Bump” You smile “I dont know but the pregnancy pillow helps very much...and your Tummy rubs”

Joon gave you a dimpled smile “Where are the too of then?” You waited a moment and then put his left hand where you feelt your Son”here is Joo-Chan i think and here is his sister Joo-Eun” Joon kiised ou Bump 2 times “I cant belive we are going to have twins”

You smiled back  “Me too”

𝐉𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐧

It was 9 PM and you couldnt sleep.Every Position you tried was uncomfortable.You let out a frustrated sight “Argh...Why cant I find a comfortable position to sleep”

You looked at your phone and saw a text from Jimin saying that he will be home in 5 minutes,you let out a sight in relive.Jimin alway know how to help you sleep.You sat up in the bed and just chatted with your friends until you heard the door open.”Jagi I am home” You put your phone down”I am in our bedroom Chim” He walked inside The room opening his arms “Hey Jagi I missed you and Kwang-Dae“You smiled hearing your sons name.

His name always put a smile on your Face,and it sounds even better when JImin says it.”Chim you need to help me and Kwang-Dae sleep again...mostly me since he is already asleep...I think” Jimin smiles “Okey Baby wait a few seconds I have to go take a shower and change then I will sing for you ”

It always helped hen Jimin sings you a song his voice was so beautiful.You waited for 15 Minutes and the Jimin came out and crawled into the Bed you lay your head on his shoulder and your legs where tangled together his one hand in your hair an the other one on your Bump.

He began to sing Stray Gold and you intimidatingly relaxed as you where about to fall asleep you feel a Kick you whined “Nuuuuu not now Kwang-Dae Mommy was about fall asleep” Jimin smiled and began to rub your Bump and lays his head over your Bump an began to sing again.Kwang-Dae seems to calm down and 2 Minutes later you where asleep.Jimin smiled and kissed your bump and then your Cheeks.

𝐓𝐚𝐞𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐠

"Baby” Taehyung calls you.You where at the Baby Shop.Buying a few things lice pacifier and an other Baby Blanked.Tae came back with a tiger plushy and you had a Giraffe plushy in your hand “Baby look at this cute Tiger plushy”

You looked at it and then at the lion in your hand “But TaeTae I think the Lion is cuter” taehyung thought a moment why dont we let Mi-Cha choose?” You nod “okay”You gave Tea the Lion.

He kneels down in front of you “Hey Munchkin Here is your Daddy...Daddy wants to buy you a Tiger plushy but Mommy wants to buy you a Lion so kick on the left for the lion and on the right side for the tiger”

You waited a few seconds and then you felt a kick on the Right side “Yes god decision Munchkin” taehyung gave you the lion and you sight and put it away “Aww Sweetheart dont be sad” You sight “I am not sad Tae” He kissed your lips.

“Now lets go and pay my feet begin to hurt and your Munchkin and me are getting Hungry” Taehyung gave you a Boxy smile “Okay Jagi”

You looked down at your Bump “And this time you are on my side Mi-Cha“ Tae chuckles at you.

𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤

You came up with the Idea to take every Week a picture of you two in front of the big mirror so that at the end you have Book you can show your son/daughter when she is olden and because its cute Idea.

Jungkook comes into the room with the camera in his hands“are you ready Baby” You nod  “yes lets take an other cute picture of us three” You smile and look down at your Bump.

Jungkook smiles and Kiss you lips passionately you kissed him back his hands on your Baby Bump,Until you felt a kick on your left side.Jungkook pulled away and crunched down to you Bump “Hey Bun...Daddy loves you but this is the wrong moment to play” You giggle at him.

You grab the Camera from the bed and Took a picture.Jungkook heard a *klick* sound and Got up “Did you took a picture?” You nod “I am sorry I just couldnt resist,you looked so cute.

Jungkook took the camera and looked at the Picture you where looking down at Jungkook with a smile on your lips an one hand in his head and the other one holding the camera.Jungkook looked like he was kissing you bump.”Woah...Jagi This picture is cute” He pecks your lips “I like it too”

Later you printed out the Picture and you both sat down on the kitchen table with the Album in front of you and Jungkook looking at the New Picture in the Book with a smile

You look at Jungkook “I cant wait until He/She is Here” Jungkook puts his Arms around you “Me Too Baby”

tada afther Month the next part of the Pregnancy series~

Sorry that I made you all wait so long~

Write me Here what Gender you want for Jungkooks Baby~

Ha-Neul~

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 40

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34|| CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4.3k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: i hope this isnt too much and that youre still enjoying this story! its almost over tho, so if you have any request please send them asap! I have a few more chapters planned but I could always add a few filler chapters if you guys send me ideas. so yea, thank you!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : here are the requests i used. im sorry about the Julia one, they couldnt have a very big and deep talk because it was Liv’s chapter but I still wanted to add her in because i really like her :) hope its okay!

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 40 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

May 7th, 2018

It was quite late but we were both packing our things in silence. I had waited last minute to do it while Niall had to wait until he was back from his concert, which resulted in us doing it together. I missed going to see him play and sing and the thought made something stir in my stomach. I couldn't believe I stopped myself from going to see him do what he loved the most to do in the entire universe just because I was scared of what some losers could write in an online article. The more I thought about it, the more I found that completely ridiculous. I was about to mention something about it when I heard Niall talk, breaking the silence.

"Oh, I totally forgot to give you that." He leaned closer to me and handed me a small box that was wrapped in pretty pink paper. I frowned but took it in my hand anyway as he shrugged. "A fan told me to give it to you. Apparently, she was really sad when we broke up."

I stared at the small box on y hand and licked my lips. I knew most of it were just rumors, but I also knew that some people believe everything they'd read online. Still, this time, I couldn't blame them since it was the truth. I quickly unwrapped it and grabbed the note first, reading it out loud.

"We thought Niall was the biggest One Direction fan in the world, but we've seen you multiple times with random One Direction merch and we thought you may enjoy this."

I frowned more but when I saw the necklace, I let out a louder laughter. It made Niall frown too and I looked up at him with a smirk, bringing my hand closer to him. Around my fingers was hanging a necklace with his face on it. It seemed to be very old merch, probably from 2011, and I saw him grimace.

"No, Liv!" he whined as I put it around my neck and I chuckled again.

"Hey, it's a gift!" I argued. "Besides, I didn't have this one. I love it."

"You're such a pain." he joked, making me laugh this time.

I didn't see it coming but he literally jumped on me and I fell on the bed with a high scream. He pinned me down and started tickling me, holding both my wrists with one hands as the fingers of the other squeezed my waist, making my body jerk.

"Noooo! Niall stop!"

I squirmed, kicking him and hitting him without really knowing or controlling what I was doing. It took him a few seconds to stop and he stared down at me with a smirk as my lips were parted. I was panting low, not even able to enjoy his body on top of mine.

"Please, let me wear the necklace." I almost begged in a low voice.

His eyes roamed on me for about a minute and finally, the left corner of his lips raised up and he nodded once before moving closer to kiss me.

I had decided to follow him in Spain even if I had no idea when I'd have to fly back to California. We still had a few episodes to film but I was hoping Niall could come with me. He only had a few concerts left before he'd be off for a few weeks and even if he had to fly to the UK at the end of the month, I was thinking he could spend almost two weeks with me. I knew all we did was live in our luggage, going from airports to airports but at the same time, we were together and it's really all that mattered to me.

His lips moving slowly against mine made my heart twist in my chest. I loved him so much, I always would and I knew it. I was starting to trust him again, so much that the tiny ball of fear that seemed to live permanently in my stomach was now gone. I had decided that I wanted to live this plenty, to not hold grudges of fears that came from our past. I wanted to move forward and I knew that we had both changed for the better.

May 8th, 2018

We woke up early to catch our flight and I put my sunglasses on because I knew I looked exhausted. They were heart shaped but were black instead of my usual pink or purple ones for the simple reason I thought it would be less obvious to the people around that I had puffy and tired eyes. I didn't mean travelling if it meant being with Niall, but that didn't mean it was it wasn't sucking up all my juice.

I didn't expect the airport to be crowded but it was, and I moved my head down, trying not to catch anyone's attention. The fans started screaming, the paps started yelling at Niall to look their way, and when one of them moved too close to us, I felt my heart jump in my chest and without thinking, I grabbed Niall's hand. I realized my mistake and quickly let go of it only to feel his fingers tighten around mine. I could swear the flashes became even more intense right after and I glanced at Niall, licking my lips as I heard similar questions being yelled around us.

"Are you two back together?"

"Did you cheat on Dylan and Heidi together?"

"Are all the rumors true?"

We both held each other's hand tighter at the sound of all these questions being thrown at us and we kept walking as they followed us. I could feel my heart beat so hard in my chest that I felt like it was about to escape. I swallowed hard trying to relax a bit as I kept glancing at my boyfriend.

"Does that mean we're official?" Niall asked me, squeezing my fingers even more after he stopped walking, and moved closer to make sure I was the only one who heard.

I turned his way and licked my lips, trying to ignore the flashes and the sounds of the cameras. I was not used to that much attention, or at least, not as intense as it was being at that moment, but even if it was a bit intimidating, I was not scared.

"Do you want us to be?"

His gaze moved on my face as he studied me before sending me a fond smile. "Yes, I do."

I sent him a gentle smile that turned into a very big one. "We're official then."

"Fuck yes." he whispered, making me chuckle.

He pulled on my hand and we started walking again but as we were about to pass the gate, he quickly and roughly moved our hands up to show our intertwined fingers and it surprised me so much I felt my heart skip a few beats.

"FUCK YES!" he repeated in a yell, making me burst into laughter this time.

If I wasn't sure Niall loved me, I definitely was now. The fact that he literally told the world we were together proved much more than anyone could believe. I knew he was private, and so was I. I also knew he didn't like his private life to be in the spotlight, or talked about, or known, and him showing everyone, fans and paps included, that we were an item by throwing our hands up just showed me how committed he was. People would talk about us and the wrong things we did to Dylan and Heidi, people would definitely criticize us as individuals but also as a couple and I knew that for a while, people would stop talking about his music and my tv show only to blab shit about our love, but he thought it was still worth it and even if I was a bit surprised, it touched me more than I thought it would. And just like that, the blinded trust I had for Niall until he broke up with me was back, and I knew that this time, it would be different.

                                                          ---

We took a nap when we arrived at the hotel and when I woke up, it was the middle of the afternoon and Niall's arm was wrapped around me as he was laying on his stomach. I ran my fingertips on his arm and reached his back, making him groan slightly. He looked so good, his eyes closed, his bottom lip a bit over his upper one in a cute pout and his hair a bit messy. It made something come alive inside me and I realized that we went through so many things to get back pretty much where we used to be. The difference was us and the way we had grown, and I knew that what we lived when we were away from each other was needed to have the relationship we had at that very moment.

I tried not to wake him up and sat up slowly and gently in bed, rubbing my eyes and yawning before grabbing my phone. I knew he didn't want me to but I searched for his name and mine in google and a bunch of pictures from the airport appeared. My lips curled more at the picture of us walking away while Niall held our hands up together. I stared at it for a few minutes and pressed my lips together, feeling suddenly ecstatic and a bit dizzy. It was really happening. I was back with Niall and we were happy together. In all the months we were apart, I had wished for it, but I never thought it would really happen at some point.

"What are you looking at?" he mumbled low, taking me out of my thoughts. "You're smiling."

I turned to him and my excited smile turned into a fond one. His eyes were half-closed and his face was still pressed on the pillow. In fact, I was pretty sure he hadn't moved at all and looking at him made something stir in my stomach. There was nothing I loved more than waking up with him, except maybe falling asleep in his arms.

I tilted my head and let the left corner of my lips raise up before turning the screen his way. It took him a few seconds to let what he was seeing sink in and he smiled too.

"Oh look, that's us telling the world we're back together." he pointed out slowly and in a low tone, an amused smile curling his lips. "I'm sorry, I'm never that impulsive normally. But I've been waiting for that for a while." He paused and I felt his arm hold my waist tighter before he squirmed a bit and put his head on my lap. "It's okay though, because this is meant to last, so everyone may as well know now. What do ya say?"

I brought my hand to his head and ran my fingers in his hair gently, making his eyes flutter. "I agree." I whispered, making him smile more.

"We're gonna get married and have a few kids. And dogs, too. I love dogs."

This time, I chuckled and licked my lips. He had mentioned marriage a few times in the past weeks and I loved it. He used to be so scared of commitment and the future and now he was literally planning it for us.

"You know what we should do now?" he asked, making me shake my head. "Stay in bed all day. Order food, watch tv, and make out. Champagne and you. That sounds perfect."

I smiled widely. "Gotta celebrate the fact that we're official, now."

"Damn right."

After a few hours, we were done eating and the bottle of champagne was empty. We were still laying in bed but I had stopped following the movie and kept staring at the ceiling. What took me out of my thoughts, once again, was Niall's voice. I blinked a few times, trying to get back to my senses, and he raised his eyebrows at me.

"Mm?" I asked, making him laugh.

He stopped the movie quickly before grabbing the sheets of the bed, pulling them over our heads and once again locking us together in our safe place. I smiled at him and turned my body his way as he did the same. It was always a bit stifling to stay under the covers for a while but at the same time, it made me feel secure like nothing else did.

"How hard did that champagne hit?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Mm, i'm tipsy." I admitted, laughing too.

"Me too." he let out, his eyes roaming on my face. "You know I want to marry you for real, right? I want to promise to be yours forever. I want to literally show everyone that no one else will ever mean to me as much as you mean to me."

"I want it too. I want to be your wife. Niall I want it more than anything."

I felt my heart jump in my chest at my confession and we kept looking at each other for a few minutes in silence. He found my left hand and brought it up to his eyes level before running his thumb gently on my ring finger. I bit my bottom lip, trying to imagine what it would feel like to be his wife, and I swallowed hard, almost ashamed that I let my mind wonder so far.

"One day..." he just murmured before looking up in my eyes. "How many kids?"

"Five." I let out, making his eyebrows raise.

"Jesus Christ, do you want to kill me, woman?"

This time, I started laughing and he pulled me closer with a groan, letting his lips press against mine before pulling slightly away. I waited until he spoke again, my lips curling more and more with every passing seconds.

"You're not serious?" he just asked, making me laugh, this time.

"How many do you want?"

"Two, maybe three." he admitted before I kissed him again, sucking gently on his upper lip.

"Then two or three we'll have." I breathed out against his mouth as he held me closer.

"And we'll live in London, and keep a house in Cali, how's that?" he proposed in a murmur. "I'll bring you to Las Vegas to get married. We'll have the best honeymoon because I'll make you cum twenty times a day for a whole week."

I started laughing against his mouth and he smirked. "Where are we going for that?"

"Bali?" he suggested.

"Mm, don't tempt me." I joked as he laughed again, deepening the kiss and making me close my eyes. "What's on your mind, Horan?" I asked lower and more seriously.

"Well, how about we practice making those two-three kids now?" he offered, making me chuckle. "I really want to make love to my official girlfriend and future wife."

"Hey, I didn't say yes just yet." I joked as his lips traveled on my jaw and neck.

"But you will yea? You just accepted to be my official girlfriend so it's a good start. You'll be my wife and marry me?"

"If you want to spend your life with me, how can I say no to that?"

"That's what I thought." he just said, giving himself a swing and making me laugh even more as he got on top of me.

I spread my legs a bit as he nibbled on the skin of my neck and I groaned when I felt his hard dick press on my inner thighs. I was tired and still a bit tipsy but the way he whispered, the sound of his voice, the feeling of his body on top of mine... all of this was too good and I felt like I never had enough of him. Even after all this time, I wanted him as much as I used to, even more, probably, and the way he was all over me made me think he felt the same.

"I want to bury my cock so deep inside you right now." he whispered, bringing his mouth back on mine. "You're so fucking beautiful. I love you so much, Olivia. You made me so happy today."

I reached for his boxers and pulled them down as much as I could, his words making my heart twist and jump in my chest. I didn't think Niall could love me as much as he seemed to, I didn't know he could want to be with me to the point where he would literally hold my hand and show everyone that we were together in a crowded airport. I had no idea he was waiting for this, I didn't know that it would make him react like that to be my official boyfriend. All of this made sense, of course, but it was just hitting me that Niall really loved me as much as I loved him and that he didn't want to lose me again.

"Please Niall, just do it." I begged him in a murmur, reaching between my legs and pulling my panties aside before grabbing his cock and lining it up.

His hip movement was slow and as he pushed himself inside me, I felt my eyes roll back and a moan escaped my lips. I moved my knees up as he lied on top of me, holding himself on his elbows as he started thrusting in and out of me slowly. It felt like torture but at the same time it was so good I moved my chin up, feeling his lips leave kisses on it.

"I love you, can't believe you're my girlfriend again." he whispered, his lips brushing against my skin.

"I was always yours, Niall. I've always been yours. Since I was 6 years old. I knew I belonged to you." I replied just as low and without thinking. "I was just scared you didn't belong to me"

He pushed himself deeper inside me and it felt so good I let out an other whimper. He remained still, waiting for my eyes to open again and meet his, and I felt one of his hands slip in my hair while the other moved a lock out of my eyes.

"I belong to you." he confessed, making a shiver run across my back. "All this soulmate shit? I believe in it now. I have to."

I bit my bottom lip, making him glance at my mouth before looking back in my eyes.

"I love you. I fucking love you." I had barely finished my sentence that he was pressing his mouth against mine again, this time fucking me harder and faster.

My back arched after a few minutes and I moaned in his mouth this time, right before his thrusts became unsteady and a bit sloppy. The orgasm felt amazing and I gripped his arms as I felt his muscles tighten. I pressed my thighs on each sides of him, pushing myself against him in motion with him as he came. Nothing felt better than that post orgasm feeling with Niall on top of me. His lips found mine and he kissed me slowly but deeply for a while until we both got down of our highs and even a little bit after.

"I'm so happy you followed me here." he admitted with a smile as I tilted my head on the pillow.

"Me too." I licked my lips and raised my eyebrows. "Are you gonna follow me back to Cali in a few days?"

"Nothing will stop me from going with you. Nothing."

He rolled off of me and I pushed the covers to breathe fresh air, just realizing that I needed it. Niall grabbed my hand and I focused back on him as he stared at my fingers, making me try to suppress the smile stuck on my lips.

"Please come to my show tomorrow." he just let out, his fingers brushing gently against mine, exactly where a wedding ring would be. "We're officially together now, so we don't care who sees you or what they see."

My heart skipped a beat and I licked my lips nervously. It would be a good start but it stressed me to think that people would start judging us even more, now that we were official. I knew Niall was not going to start kissing me or anything in public but I still felt nervous.

"Okay." I let out low feeling myself tear up. I swallowed my tears but I could see my boyfriend getting emotional too and I sniffed. "I love you Niall. I don't ever want to be away from you anymore."

He brought one of his hands to my cheek and I felt the warmth of his skin against mine as he moved closer to lean his forehead against mine.

"I'm never leaving again. I promise on my life. I'm here to stay. What we have will never die, okay?"

I nodded quickly and bit my bottom lip as I felt a tear run down my cheek. I could swear he was tearing up too and I pressed my parted lips against his. "Okay."

May 9th, 2018

I hadn't realize how much I had missed watching Niall sing and play. He was always the kid who was singing, dancing, or playing guitar when we were younger, and it always brought a bunch of people around him. He seemed so untouchable, even for me, who was his best friend. Now, with the literal crowds and album selling, it was even more obvious, but a lot less scary. The fact that I knew he loved me definitely helped but watching him do what he's always loved but this time, as a living, was just breathtaking. He was breathtaking.

I chuckled when he winked at me subtly and I rolled my eyes with a smile until I felt a hand on my arm. I jumped slightly and turned again to look at Julia who was smiling widely at me. I thought I knew what she was going to say but instead, she pulled me close into a tight hug. It took me a few seconds to answer it but when I did, she jumped a few times, bringing me with her, and finally pulled away.

"I saw the video!" she said happily, her lips curled into a bit grin.

"The video?"

"Of you two at the airport!"

I felt my cheeks turn a soft shade of red as they burned a bit and cleared my throat, looking away. I knew there were pictures but I was not aware someone was filming. Come to think about it, it was not surprising, after all. I felt two strong arms wrap around my neck from behind and I smiled immediately, recognizing the touch and the perfume. It was crazy how he still affected my moods but I could also see that I influenced his, and that made our relationship so much better.

"Niall!" he let go of me to hug Julia and I smiled, taking a step away. "I'm so happy for you! I knew it would happen! I told you you had to keep hope!"

Niall's eyes found mine and his smile faltered as his embrace around his friend loosened.

"I sort of... confided in Julia." he admitted, licking his lips as mine parted. "I know you wanted me to keep the secret, but I didn't know what to do, and I felt like shit... I needed to talk to someone."

He looked at me with fear in his eyes, as if I was going to turn on my heels and leave, but I just tilted my head on the side while staring at him.

"Hey, I understand. She's one of your closest friends." I pointed out with a shrug before sending him a smile. "I talk to Louis about almost everything." I shrugged again. "Besides, I like her."

Julia smiled more and grabbed my arm, pulling me closer to them to hug both of us at the same time. I laughed and after a few seconds, she pulled away and smiled again.

"I'll wait for you guys backstage. We're going to celebrate right?" she asked as Niall and I glanced at each other, a bit unsure. "It's one of my last shows! We have to go grab a drink together!"

"Sure, we'll do that."

She left with a big grin and I turned to Niall who was smiling fondly at me. I frowned, my lips still curled, but I had to admit that the way he was looking at me made something twitch in my stomach.

"Thank you." he whispered, bending down to kiss the top of my head.

"For?"

"For wanting to get to know my friends. I know you get along great with all our childhood friends, and my cousins and all, but I've made great friends while doing this job, and you never really seemed to be interested in befriending them too, well, except for Harry, Louis and Liam.”

I shrugged a shoulder and looked away before looking back at him and raising my nose in a small grimace. "You used to hang out with many celebrities, especially when you were dating Heidi. I don't know, Niall, to me, it's a bit intimidating." I admitted. "I never felt like I fitted with them, or belonged with those famous faces. It's just weird to me."

"I'd love to present them to you. I promise they're great."

I stared at him and after a while, my lips curled again. "Sure, I'd love to meet them." I just gave in and by seeing the smile on his face, I knew it made him happy. "Let's start with Julia. I already know I love her."

Niall laughed and cupped my face, tilting my chin up before reaching for my mouth with his. "And I know I love you."

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty great, but very busy day. So I stayed in bed for a long time. 

I slept alright. But I just didnt want to be awake. I slept until 8, woke up, reset my alarm for 9, and went back to sleep. 

I knew it was time to get up if I wanted to accomplish anything in the morning. I think in the next couple of weeks I might try to negotiate my hours as the student's needs change because I just dont have the studio time I had hoped for and had gotten used to. But I wanted to make the most of the little bit of time I did have. 

I got up and got dressed but I knew it wasnt what I was going to wear for work. But whatever I was cozy. I was very happy with the way my hair dyed and I was in a good mood. James was very busy with work today so I just enjoyed sitting in the living room drawing. 

Our whole apartment felt busy though because Mr Will was helping to install the new dishwasher so there were people in our kitchen. Mr Will came over to watch me draw for a little. Made me feel all artsy, and it was nice to explain what I was doing. 

But since there were people in the kitchen I couldnt pack my snack for work. And I decided to try to waste some time and go to the Walgreens to get myself a snack. 

But I still had to much time. I went over to the store. Got my juice and donuts. And walked to the Y. And was still 20 minutes early. Ugh. I sat downstairs after I went to wash my hands and tried to waste a few minutes. But it didnt work super well. 

And there was a lot to do before the tv people got there to film the kids for their little story. It was a lot of stress having all those adults around. But I got all the projects I had for them ready and set up on the tables. It was very warm up there in the class and that made it a bit hard to keep my head focused on one task. But then there was just focus when the camera guy got there. We were running around a lot in that 2 hours. Doing art with kids, Doing ballet. Running running running. Doing homework. Making them look busy. Keeping distant. It was a little bit of just a lot. And it wasnt like it wasnt normal stuff, but it felt like a play. Because it was just everything we do pushed to 11. 

And then I felt really lightheaded so when one of the kids bumped their heads and needed to go get a drink of water to help them calm down I was like yes I will go because I needed out of that room. 

But it was fun. I liked helping the kids. I always like helping the kids. And the kids were really good today. I was super proud of the sewing some did, and the drawing of others. I made some little tiny felt guys to give to Jess. And it was just a nice time. 

Jess would be arriving in Baltimore around 5. Which was fine but I technically work until 6 so I was like. Annoyed. But at the end of the day we watched a movie and the kids started get picked up and it was just a calm and nice time. And then at 530 we only had one kid so they asked if me or Travis wanted to go home and I was like. Me please?

And off I went. 

As I was walking up the hill I saw a fire truck and cop car, and ambulance in front of my building and I started panicking a little. But then I realized it was a car accident. An SUV had ran into the poll. Literally 10 feet from Jess's car. Man she was lucky. It was hilarious when I came upstairs and told her what happened. 

I was so happy to see Jess though. I missed her!! I feel like when we go suc long times without actual talking and just texting I can feel very disconnected from her but it all comes flooding back when were together. And today was no differnt. It was just laughing and talking. She brought me gifts! It was great. She spent hours and hours making me these little frog shaped vanilla meringues and they taste so good!! I am sad to eat all of them because they are so lovely. Maybe I can just. Keep one?? I dont know if it would survive. 

She also got us matching sweatshirts again and Im super excited about it. Its green! I dont have any green sweatshirts. Very happy. 

We have spent the night on the couch catching up and watching tiktoks. James was here but he had a call with a friend so he's been busy too. We all ordered dinner for to much money but it was good. We made a plan for tomorrow and decided to start winding down. I got the couch made up for Jess and Im going to take a shower soon. I really have had a great night. And I hope this weekend continues the trend. 

Sleep well everyone. Take care of eachother!