#I literally only have ten works posted idk why I’m acting like there’s a huge crazy amount rn 💀

[gio-cosmo]

Yk I wasn’t originally planning to talk abt my ao3 account on here but I don’t really gaf anymore. Embarrassment is a concept. Embrace joy and whimsy.

..anyways! If you want to read some of my works my ao3 account is bittersweet_serendipity ^_^ I love to write and am always aiming to improve. I state this a lot in authors notes, but if you ever spot any major weak points or mistakes in my writing, feel free to point them out to me! Constructive criticism helps a ton.

Do be aware that my older works (aka the first 2 I published) are literally filled to the brim w grammar mistakes like it’s actually baffling 😭 we should all collectively ignore those for the sake of my mental sanity actually! <3 I need to go back and edit them but I keep pushing it off ughh…someday.

[that-sarcastic-writer]

Once upon a time in NYU- MGG AU

Fandom: MGG, Criminal Minds

Pairing: College!Matthew X College!Reader

Summary: you couldn't stand Matthew, and he couldn't stand you. But you couldn't say the same when you were in his bed

Warnings: alternative universe, enemies to lovers relationship, cursing duh, hair pulling, fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, bad writing basically

WC: 6.1k 

A/N: so I saw I think it was @eideticmemory​ write an enemies to lovers college fic and like a light just went on in my head, and I really wanted to that because I've always wanted to, but also give it my own twist and touch of course, so I guess this my attempt at writing a multi-chapter Matthew fic. Will I succeed? Probably not. But it's a good excuse to write smut after a year so we'll see. ALSO HUGE TW I understand posting this now might be a bit of a bad timing. So if you think that reading this will trigger you in any way, just go ahead and skip this one. I dont want to trigger anyone in any way, I just want to entertain you guys and myself in the process so yeah, read at your own risk and please please stay safe. And this is going to be a bit long so strap in yall and enjoy the poorly written sin. 

Andddd huge huge thanks to my friend Kara (idk if shes reading this but yeah) for helping me edit this, she helped me make this so much better for you guys and she literally so amazing for actually spending the time to help me. So yeah, 

You know when something bad happens, you’re always told to see the bright side of things? That maybe that unfortunate event isn’t as bad as you feel it is? Yeah, well, that doesn’t always apply, and it certainly didn’t when I found out I was partnered with the one person I was hoping I wouldn’t get paired with for my end of the semester film project. 

Seriously, out of the nearly hundred students that were enrolled in my film class, I had to get paired up with him, him out of all people, literally the one person I was praying wouldn't get paired up with. Not only because I was forced to work with someone, because honestly all I wanted was to work alone, I had to get paired with Matthew fucking Gubler.

You know when people say God has his favourites? Yeah, well I certainly wasn't one of them.

Now, I didn’t necessarily hate Matthew Gubler. I didn't hate him for no reason, I didn't just wake up one day and decided I was just going to hate Matthew. There was a time where I actually liked him, I liked him more than I'd like to admit, deep down I still did. And I knew he liked me too, he did then at least. And we were good together, it was fun, we had a fun first couple of dates. To this day, they were the nicest dates I ever had, because he knew just how to make them special. I mean, when a guy takes you to the Neue Galerie here in New York and have nice long walk through Central Park, a walk filled with laughter and bliss, it has to be special, and in a weird way, he was special too. 

And as much as I wanted more than just two or three dates, I would've been perfectly fine if he had told me what he wanted from the start. If he had suddenly changed his mind about me, I would've accepted it, and I would've been able to live a happy life as his friend if that's what he wanted.

But he didn't, and instead I found out he had other interests. And I didn't hear it from him, I heard it from my friend. She didn't even need to tell me who it was, because the minute she told me where he took her, I knew. He took her to the same place he took me not even two weeks later and then acted like I was nothing the next time he saw me. And my god did that fucking hurt. It hurt me in a way I had never been hurt before, because I thought he was different, I was hoping he was. And convincing myself that I hated him was much easier than facing the fact that it hurt. And I never addressed it ever again, not that Matthew cared enough to actually talk about us, or, whatever we were. So instead we just made each other's existence miserable.

No, what I felt for Matthew wasn't hate, it was just the strong need to stay ten feet away from him so I wouldn't shove a five foot pole up his ass. That's how I felt about Matthew Gubler.

And now, here I was, aggressively shoving my laptop and notebook into my bag so I could leave the auditorium as quickly as possible, or at least quick enough to avoid Matthew, because knowing how he was, he would come straight to me to rub our partnership in my face. And I was right, because the minute we were dismissed, I spotted his lanky frame starting to come down from the top rows where he usually sat, and he was headed my way.

Screaming a big nope in my head, I strapped my bag over my shoulder and headed straight for the exit. I knew I couldn't avoid him forever, especially now but, I just needed a minute to mentally prepare myself to deal with him, a minute and probably a bottle of booze. But I didn't get either because the minute I was out those doors, I heard the unmistakable sound of his voice calling my name. 

Great.

"Y/N! Y/N wait!" I heard Matthew call out, followed my rushed footsteps coming from behind me.

"Hey, partner, I'm glad I caught you before you left. You weren't trying to run away from me were you?" He teased, throwing one of his particularly long arms over my shoulder.

If I had rolled my eyes any harder they probably would've gotten stuck there. I groaned, grabbing a hold of his arm and unwrapping it not so subtly before dropping it beside him, "first of all, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't touch me,  and second of all, just please go away, Matthew. I have a class I have to get to." I muttered, walking slightly faster and keeping my gaze forward, refusing to even look at him.

If there was something I've learned about Matthew in the two long years I've known him is that he usually goes away on his own if I don't give him the attention he wanted. I was hoping this was one of those times, because I was not in the mood to deal with him right now.

But alas, he didn't, he walked faster, staying beside me the whole time. "But I wasn't even doing anything. I was just saying hi." He defended, and I could just hear the smile on his face even when I wasn't even looking at him. 

I rolled my eyes harder, letting out a small breath through my lips, "what do you want Matthew?"

"When can we meet up? I already have an idea for our project and I think you're going to love it."

I chuckled sarcastically, finding his words actually hilarious, "If you came up with it I seriously doubt it." I sighed heavily, digging my teeth into my bottom lip before speaking, "tonight after I finish my shift, I guess. The quicker we can start, the quicker we can get it over with, soo..."

"Great. It's a date then, see you tonight, sweetheart." He hummed, ghosting his lips over my ear, his lips smacking loudly as he pretended to kiss it before he quickly took off in the other direction before I could even say anything.

This fucking guy.

~~~~~~~~~~

"I seriously do not understand how you fucking dated this guy, he's so obnoxious and annoying, how could anyone want to date someone like that." I complained to my friend and roommate Liz. I met her for a quick lunch break before my afternoon class and I just had to let her know how unhappy I was about my partnership with Matthew. She was amused to say the least.

"You make it sound like we dated for years, we dated for a few months, but he's not even that bad." she argued.

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest and leaned back into my seat with an unamused expression, just waiting for Liz to bury herself further up Matthew's ass. I always had the feeling she still had feelings for him, as much as she insisted it was just a meaningless relationship. And as much as they were just friends now, I just knew she wanted more with him. But it wasn't really my place to question that, not that it mattered to me anyway.

"He's a pretty cool and fun guy to be around, you just never gave him a chance. You've hated him ever since you met him for absolutely no reason, you never gave yourself the chance to get to know him better." Liz insisted, she always did. She always insisted Matthew was such a great guy I never gave the change to get to know. 

I had let out a heavy sigh in annoyance of her defense of Matthew before responding, "yeah well, it doesn't really matter since I'm being forced to anyway. And he's coming over tonight to start our project. Can't fucking wait."

I could've sworn I saw Liz's expression change into a mixture of surprise and something I could've easily confused with jealousy. She pursed her lips together and her eyes darted everywhere, like she was avoiding making any kind of eye contact with me.

But, it couldn't be jealousy? What even is there to be jealous of? Her and the whole world knew how I felt about Matthew, her out of all people knew it better than anyone.

"Oh, he is? Well, I'm not really going to be home tonight, I would've given you company so it wouldn't be so awkward with him." She frowned, she sounded disappointed, angry even. She looked uncomfortable, like she was deeply bothered by something, by something I said.

It was weird, I wasn't exactly sure what to say, I wasn't really sure why my news seemed to bother her as much as it did. It's not like I was going to sleep with Matthew while she was away or something. It didn't really matter though, I didn't have time to answer. Thank God.

"I'm sorry Liz but I have to go, I have class in like ten minutes." I excused myself, eating whatever was left on my plate in a matter of seconds before I stood up from my seat and gathered my belongings, "I'll see you later and wish me luck." I said quickly before taking off, not giving her the chance to respond.

~~~~~~~~~~

Usually, I pray for shifts to be over as soon as possible, for it to be slow so I can go home early. Today though, today I prayed for just the opposite. I was hoping the end of my shift wouldn't come, and when it did, that it would be too late and I would be able to cancel my meet up with Matthew.

But like I said, I wasn't one of God's favourites. And today out of all days, it was the slowest it has ever been and my shift ended rather quickly, quicker than I had hoped.

Groaning loudly at the evening that awaited me, I walked down the long halls of my floor, standing outside of my dorm room, dreading my evening already.

Figuring I should just get it over with, I went to get the key on the lock of my door, but noticed it was already unlocked. Liz probably forgot to lock the door, again. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head at my stupid roommate before turning the knob, opening the door. And my jaw dropped the minute I stepped into the room, not believing what my eyes saw.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

"Matthew, what the fuck are you doing in my dorm and in my bed!? How did you even get in here?" I nearly screamed at the tall brunette that was carelessly laying on my bed with what I figured was one of my books in his hand.

Matthew turned his head towards me, a carefree and calm look plastered all over his face before his eyes went back to the pages in front of him., "oh, well, Liz let me in before she went to work. I hope you don't mind." He responded nonchalantly, continuing to flick through the pages of the book he had in his hand.

I stared at him with absolute disbelief and a loud scoff left my lips as I slightly pitched the bridge of my nose, trying not to throw the nearest object at his face, "yes, I do mind, in fact. You can't just come into somebody's dorm, lie on their bed and go through their stuff. Seriously dude, what is wrong with you?"

I just couldn't believe this guy. He just knew how to get on my nerves without even doing anything. 

Matthew, of course, couldn't have cared any less about whatever I was saying. And it wasn't that he wasn't listening, because he was, he had that stupid smile on his face that proved he was in fact listening to every word I was saying. He just didn't care, or he did, but he just liked getting on my nerves. He loved pushing every single one of my buttons until I snapped. And I had no idea why. I had no idea why he liked annoying me so much.

I exhaled heavily through my nose, closing my eyes slightly as I ran a hand through my hair exasperatedly, "I just can't fucking deal with you. I can't." I huffed, dropping my bag from my shoulder and walked to the opposite side of my room, facing away from him, not even wanting to look at his face.

"Tell me something, sweetheart," Matthew spoke, curiosity and a slight bit of amusement lingering on his words.

"What."

"Why do you hate me so much? You've hated me ever since I dated Liz back in our first year of college and I never truly understood why," he questioned with genuine curiosity, but there was also a certain playfulness in his voice. I opened my mouth to answer, still not facing him, and I was so ready to tell him off, god knows I've been wanting to but he cut me off. "Is it because I never slept with you?"

My eyes instantly widened at his words, a clearly offended scoff leaving my lips as I turned around to face him, "what? No, of course not, I—" my words got caught in my throat when I saw his tall frame towering over me, my eyes getting stuck on his chest before they traveled up to his face, and he was close. Extremely close. I swallowed thickly, feeling slightly cornered by his significantly taller frame so I stepped back, trying to create some kind of distance between us, but he simply followed me. "I, uhm, that's not why I don't like you, Matthew. I don't like you because you're an insensitive asshole and—"

"Oh, I know why you hate me," he cut me off again, slowly running his tongue to wet his perfectly pink lips. "You hate me because I dated Liz and not you."

His proclamation made my eyes grow even wider and my mouth hung open as I stammered for words. I wanted to disagree, I truly wanted to tell him that he was wrong. But honestly, he wasn't altogether wrong. I couldn't say some of my resentment didn't come from a deep rooted feeling of rejection. Because while most of that resentment came from that place of genuine hurt, my resentment was fueled by frustration and a shameless sense of envy.

But it was just easier to convince myself that I hated him than to admit that I still liked him and that it hurt me that he chose my friend over me.

But of course, I would never admit to that, especially not to him.

Avoiding eye contact, I looked down and shook my head, running my tongue to wet my suddenly dry lips, "of-of course not. Why—why would I care about your dating life? You can fuck whoever you want, I don't care." I wish I sounded more confident when I said that. But my stuttering words and my unsteady legs gave him exactly what he wanted.

And the bastard actually chuckled. He fucking chuckled.

"But you do, you do care. You care because you haven't stopped thinking about us and me since our first year." He grinned, digging his teeth into his perfect lips as he brought a hand to cup my face, lifting it so I had no other choice but to look at him.

And I was fucking gone.

It was like, all of that anger, frustration and hatred just vanished and instead turned into longing want. Want for him to just take me and do whatever he pleases with me. I was practically nothing in his hands, and I was nothing waiting for him to make me something. Waiting for him to make me his.

And that absolutely delighted the bastard. He found amusement in having the power I never allowed him to have. But right now, I just couldn't fight it.

I always knew that if I ever found myself alone and in this situation with Matthew Gubler, I would lose, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise.

And he knew that too.

"That's it, isn't? You want me to fuck you like I fucked your friend." He smirked, almost like he was proud to say it. And he stared, his usually soft amber eyes now brown and darkened with want.

Who the fuck was this guy and where did Matthew go? Matthew Gubler was the most awkward and disgraceful guy when it came to women. The poor guy couldn't even flirt his way out of a wet paper bag. And yet, somehow, here he was, with this new found confidence and the ability to turn me into a shaking and stuttering mess. Who fucking knew.

Once again, I stammered for words, I truly wanted to tell him otherwise. I wanted to scream in his face and push him away, but I couldn't. Not that I wanted to.

He took my lack of response as the answer he was looking for and brought his other hand to my waist, backing me up against the nearest wall, caging me between the hard surface behind me and his body, which right now, seemed so much bigger than mine.

My breathing instantly skyrocketed as I felt the same hand that was on my waist sneak its way past the ends of my dress and up my bare thighs, ones that shook like an earthquake as the pads of his fingers slowly rubbed the tense skin. Like he was testing the waters. Testing how well my body reacted to his touch.

And it wasn't subtle. At all.

"W-what—what are you doing?" I almost squealed, my voice practically betraying me.

"Oh? Well, I'm just giving you what you wanted. I'm giving you what you've been wanting for years." He stated so casually, like he had no idea what he was doing to me. And just as casually, he slowly ran a finger over the thin cotton fabric of my underwear, touching me, but definitely not in the way I needed to be touched.

I wished my body didn't betray me like it did though. I couldn't even hold back the breathy moan that escaped my lips when his fingers made contact with the thin material. But Matthew certainly loved the response I gave him.

"Because this is what you've been wanting, isn't it? You've been thinking about how my fingers would feel buried inside your little cunt. Or how good you would feel around my cock." He taunted, it was almost cynical just how easily those filthy words rolled off his usually reserved tongue. "I'm not gonna lie, I've thought about it too, you have no idea how many times I've thought about having your filthy mouth wrapped around me. Or how pretty you would look begging me for more." 

I opened my mouth to speak but my words instantly got caught in my throat when the sneaky bastard pulled the fabric to the side and dipped his fingers into the soaking mess that was my core.

And if there were any rational thoughts still hanging in my head, all of those just went straight out the window when another moan erupted from my throat and my head fell back into the wall behind me.

"See just how much easier things are when you just shut the fuck up and stop fighting so much?" He almost whispered, his lips ghosting over the skin on my neck as a lithe finger gathered my wetness and spread it over my clit.

Despite being a complete whimpering mess at that point, I managed to spit out a surprisingly harsh, "fuck you." 

It was a pretty convincing retort. One that didn't exactly have the effect I hoped for though.

I could feel him smirk into my neck as his lips left wet and sloppy kisses into the skin before he pulled back, just so he could see the look of utter want and frustration on my face.

"Hm, sorry sweetheart, I can't do that. I'm too busy trying to fuck you instead."

I swear to god, he was the biggest asshole I have ever met in my entire fucking life. But he was an asshole who immediately slipped two of his sinfully long fingers into my dripping core. I instantly choked on my own breath as he began working his fingers around the muscles, stroking the digits inside me at an agonizingly slow pace.

"Because that's what you want don't you sweetheart? You want to me to fuck you into that mattress until you can't keep your eyes open?" He continued, his filthy words making me pant like I ran for fucking miles. "I do too, trust me I do. And I will, I promise. But I want to make up for all of the lost time. Don't you?"

I wasn't even paying attention to whatever filthy proclamations were coming out of Matthew's mouth, with my eyes nearly closed, my mouth slightly open and my mind only focusing on his fingers working diligently inside me, how could I?

But Matthew was expecting an answer this time. Because I could feel his darkened eyes glare into my face and his fingers immediately stilled inside me. Earning a loud whine from me.

"I asked you a question, answer me."

It took me a minute to remember his question before I quickly nodded, "yes! Yes! Is that what you wanted to hear?" I nearly screamed at his face, my hands coming to clutch his shirt, needing something to relieve some tension.

"I want to hear you say it. Say it, tell me you want me." He demanded, his eyes locking with mine as he waited for what he wanted to hear.

He wanted me to beg, he wanted me to give up that control I never allowed him to have. And was I going to?

Absolutely.

I needed to.

"I want you, Matthew, I want you to take me and fuck me into that mattress until I can't walk straight. Please."

I guess that was the answer Matthew had been looking for because his fingers immediately began to work diligently inside me again, stroking the digits until he had me whimpering and begging for release.

It wasn't long before my head started to spin and stars began to blur my vision. Words were no longer an option at that point, nothing would come out, not even Matthew's name. All I could manage to let out were pathetic, strangled moans. But he could tell I was close, or I figured that much because his fingers only worked faster around my tightening walls, determined to finish me.

"C'mon sweetheart, come for me." he encouraged through gritted teeth as his fingers were anything but still inside me and his palm applied a crushing pressure into my front. And even when my eyes were half closed and my mind had turned into dust, I could see the look of utter determination on his face, his eyebrows were furrowed as his teeth dug into his perfectly plump lips. It was like his only focus was on driving me over the edge. And he succeeded.

The second his fingers curled, I was fucking gone. My orgasm hit me like a tidal wave. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as I cried out his name like a praise, my body nearly spasming against the wall. But his fingers didn't stop until my whole body shook to the point where my legs no longer supported my weight and I practically slid into the wall as I tried to catch my breath.

It was almost dizzying just how quickly Matthew withdrew his fingers from me and hoisted me up on his slim torso. He wasted absolutely no time in striding over to my bed across the room. My whole body collided with my bed so quickly and forcefully it knocked the air out of my chest.

Matthew was practically ripping away his clothes before I could even sit up or catch my breath. Like he had this urgency to do what I've been avoiding for the past two years. Like he needed to do it, right now, like something would happen before he got the chance to.

"Matthew—"

"Shut up, I've heard enough shit from you for the past two years, and I'm fucking tired of it." He almost growled, his usually soft voice coming out so low and dark it actually stroked fear in my heart. It was scary just how quickly his demeanor changed.

Matthew didn't really waste much time in discarding his clothes, he was down to only his boxers and was on top of me before I could even blink. He brought a hand to my chest and he pushed me down until my back was flat on the bed, but his hand stayed there, pinning me there as he hovered over me, trapping my significantly smaller body under his own.

He wasted no time in grabbing a hold of my dress and pulling it over my head. And I could've sworn I saw pure awe and infatuation flash through his eyes as they shamelessly eyed over my newly exposed skin. Come to think of it though, this was the first time I was this naked in front of him, and even then, I wasn't fully naked. Not yet anyway.

After a good minute, his eyes flickered back up to meet with mine, his previous look of awe quickly replaced by this feral look of want and pure desire. And I couldn't say it didn't excite me to see it.

He brought a hand to my face, running his smooth fingers over my face with a surprising amount of delicacy before he deep rooted them into my hair and slightly tilted my head back before he brought his face into mine, our lips crashing into a deep fervent kiss. I didn't realize we have never actually kissed. No wonder there was so much desperation and hunger within that kiss. We've been wanting this ever since we met, and ironically, I wanted it more.

His mouth was harsh and fervent against mine, his tongue wasting no time before it quickly slipped between my lips without much of a warning. His tongue explored every inch of my mouth and took as much control as he wanted to as he brought one of his hands to discard my brassiere, he struggled a bit at first but he managed to unhook it and discarded the flimsy material along with the rest of forgotten clothes. He pulled back to capture the image of my newly exposed skin. And he wasn't subtle, at all.

I almost felt intimidated under his deep and penetrating gaze as he shamelessly ogled my exposed body. I was completely exposed to him, completely vulnerable and right now, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted with me. And that scared me, it scared me just how quickly he took control over me after years of fighting against it.

With a hard swallow and a bob of his Adam's apple, Matthew slowly licked his lips, scraping his teeth against his slightly swollen bottom lip in a way that almost made me roll my eyes back into my head. But I didn't, instead I just locked eyes with him as he brought his face down and wrapped his lips around one of my breasts and his tongue swirled around the sensitive bud almost expertly, using one of his hands to toy with the other.

"O-oh fuck." I couldn't help but helplessly moan into the air as my hands found their way into his mop of brown curls. This reaction certainly delighted the bastard above me because I could feel his eyes burning into my face and his lips curving into a smirk around me before he slowly pulled back, latching on to my nipple as he pulled off it.

"You have a very filthy mouth, jeez." He tisked, slightly shaking his head disaprovingly but still had that fucking smirk of his.

Clearly, I wasn't amused, in the slightest, so his stupid comment earned him a nice and concise, "fuck you." 

But then again, it didn't have the effect I hoped for.

"Mhm, yeah, you're about to." He retorted one last time before bringing his face back up to mine, capturing me in a heated and messy kiss that only worked as distraction from the journey Matthew's hands took down south. I was only brought back to reality when I felt my underwear being ripped away and the cool air hitting me. And he was quick to pull down his own boxers and allowed his length to spring free. And I couldn't even play off the fact that I had to stare, my mouth slightly hanging open at the sight of him.

"You're so cute when you stare." He taunted, his words being fairly tame in contrast to his very dark and not innocent tone. The sound of his voice made me flicker my eyes to meet his face. Big mistake, because the borderline devious smirk on his face didn't help, at all. And it certainly didn't help when he positioned himself between my legs, rubbing himself on my already dripping heat.

"You do have condoms here, right?" He asked, but I wasn't paying attention, with him rubbing himself on my slick, I couldn't really pay much attention to anything. "I could just fuck you bareback, I'm clean, so I don't care. But it's up to you." He spoke again, slightly teasing my entrance with the tip of his length, hoping to actually get my attention, and I actually listened this time.

Biting my lip, I mentally cursed at my lack of sexual activity because it just so happened that I had no condoms. Matthew gave me an expectant look, not to pressure me, but just waiting impatiently. I knew if I told him to stop he would without a second thought, but he would just leave. I wasn't going to make that mistake twice.

"I'm clean too, just," I chewed on my bottom lip, already shuddering with anticipation as I hooked my legs around his slim torso, pulling him closer, "just take me, please just fucking take me already."

I didn't have to say it twice.

Without a second thought, he propped himself up on his arms and pressed his face against mine as he slammed into me in one swift motion. A strangled moan erupted from my throat as he buried himself to the hilt, stretching me open at once. And fuck, the feeling of him inside me was intoxicating, addicting even, I don't think I've ever felt like this before.

This was so fucking wrong. So wrong, so wrong to be fucking the guy my friend dated, so wrong to be fucking the guy I swore to everyone I hated. It was just wrong. So why the hell did it feel so right? It was so perfectly right the way our bodies felt together, like they simply belonged there, buried deeply within one another. I never wanted to stop feeling like this.

It was almost dizzying just how good he felt. And with the quick and fervent pace he set for himself right from the start, I knew I probably wouldn't last long. With my eyes rolled into my head, my open mouth and my body sprawled out on the bed as I tried to find something to hold on to, he probably had one hell of a view. And he enjoyed it too, because his thrusts only became harsher.

"Fuck, sweetheart, you're so fucking beautiful," he cursed through gritted teeth, his hands holding my hips down with a vice like grip, making sure I couldn't move. And it wasn't for lack of trying. My body shook and shuddered like a fucking earthquake around him but he simply held me down as he continued.

"You feel so good too. I can't believe you made me wait two fucking years for this. Fuck." He nearly shouted, slamming into me with an insane amount of force and clenched his eyes shut, almost as if the thought made him angry, "two fucking years to take what was mine."

His. He called me his.

Fuck, I wish those filthy words didn't have such a strong effect on me, but boy did they make a number on me. I couldn't even hold back the guttural cry that erupted from my chest as I nodded feverishly, not really realizing what I was nodding to. 

"Yes! Fuck yes, Matthew, I'm yours!" I almost screamed, saying whatever incoherent thoughts flashed through my mind, letting the whole floor know just how much fun I was having and with whom. And with my mind and thoughts being too clouded by the feeling of him, I didn't even think about what those words entailed.

But it didn't matter because they served their purpose regardless. I wasn't expecting just how much the words actually affected him, because his hips began to falter, his thrusts becoming longer but impossibly deeper. And I could see how concentrated he was, with sweat forming on his forehead, his teeth digging into his bottom lip and his breath was hard and short, like this was a task he was determined to finish. He was determined to ruin me.

Letting out a guttural and nearly animalistic groan, Matthew grabbed a hold of my hips and raised them so that each thrust would make him bottom out inside of me, knowing just how close we both were to our release. "Yeah, that's right, sweetheart, let the whole floor know who's making you feel this good," he growled as he gave one last final but brutal thrust, digging his fingers into my hips so tight I just knew I would have bruises tomorrow as he held me down on him, "let the whole floor know you're mine."

And just like that, my orgasm crashed into me, Matthew's harsh words of ownership sending me into a euphoric state of pleasure, my lips chanting his name like a mantra and my walls tightening around him as he came deeply into me, my own name rolling off his tongue in a quiet praise. And the utter and absolute look of ecstasy on his face made up for the bruises I would have to hide for the next few days and for the two years we've made each other's life a living hell. Because right now, seeing that look of being completely fucked, I just wanted nothing more than to just stay like this.

The second we were no longer blinded by our highs, he fell forward, nearly crushing me under his weight as he struggled to get himself up. Yeah he looked fucked alright. Despite knowing damn well he could've easily rolled off me, he didn't, he simply rested his head on my chest and closed his eyes like he was just going to sleep there. A small smile made its way to my lips at the sight of his tousled brown curls on my chest, ignoring all logic, I ran my fingers through the messy locks, and they were in fact as soft as they always looked. 

Realizing just how bad this was for me, and just how vulnerable I actually looked, I smacked his forehead, successfully earning a glare from him once he lifted his head, looking dead at me with his now soft amber eyes.

"You're crushing me, you ass, get off." I breathed out and rolled my eyes, being too exhausted to try and get him off myself. And knowing just how easily he corrupted me, I didn't need another thing to make this harder.

"Okay, okay, jeez." Matthew rolled his eyes, letting his head back into my chest exhaustively and groaned tiredly into my chest before he gathered just enough strength to roll off me and collapsed beside me, his reddened and sweaty chest still rising and falling unevenly as he was still trying to steady his breathing. And I was trying, too. And we just stared, we stared at each other, saying nothing. There was nothing to be said. It was better that way.

After a long long while of silently staring at each other, he brought a hand to my face and rested it there, his thumb mindlessly rubbing over the warm skin of my cheek and he smiled, he simply smiled. And it felt good, it felt comforting, sweet even, it was a funny contrast after what he just did to me.

"So.. About our project.."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list:

Matthew Gray Gubler

All- @aberrant-annie @marauder-exe @vquezada84 @boiled-onionrings @writeronkeyboard @l0ve-0f-my-life @mariaramz @soederberg

OUaT in NYU-

So I'm starting a tag list for this fic because it will be a mini series so let me know if you'd like to be added to the once upon in NYU tag list

[hadtochangemyurlquick]

you have said that you know how s2 will end and i would like the spoilers please

okay so i wrote the post you're referring to awhile ago and i don't really stand by it entirely but i'm gonna give you some thoughts.

thought one: the wilds is saying something. it is making a statement. it is not just a show about teenage girls making out and being on a deserted island. there's more to it.

thought two: figuring out what the show is saying is key to understanding what will happen

thought three: the show is definitely saying more than one thing but there is an overall message we can use as a lens to predict where the show will go in general. no specifics, but at least to figure out the arcs of each character

my biggest question since starting the show, literally since the first episode has been: so. what?

like, what is the point of this show. why. what are they saying?

if they're trying to be an anti-feminist, "feminism is going too far, sjws suck" kinda thing, they're not doing very well. one of the top reviews is literally: "More Social injustice propaganda thrown in our faces."

so their theoretical target conservative audience doesn't seem to be biting. i'm not saying a liberal show Can't have a message that feminism has gone too far these days, but i Am saying a smart good liberal show can't have a message that feminism has gone too far these days.

And the wilds is probably some of the best writing i've come across in a long time, especially with the accuracy they depict teenagers.

so it's not anti-feminist. but maybe it's more specific than that. maybe it's anti-white feminist. after all, gretchen is white, she abuses children of color, and she's a feminist. doesn't that make for a perfect white feminist?

except that doesn't make a huge amount of sense either, huh? bc gretchen's staff, just running the numbers, is half white people and half poc.

Gretchen, Thom, Alex, Faber

Audrey, Susan, Lihn, Young

even looking at her supporters: alice and leonard, we have a white guy and a black woman.

and would it be less racist if gretchen didn't have any poc on her island? she would argue it'd be more racist. i'm sure in her mind she was trying to be diverse, not to abuse children. bc she doesn't think it's abuse bc she's got the lights on but no one's home.

so white feminism as the critique this show is making just doesn't. it doesn't make a lot of sense to me either.

so then it's like. what. terfism? maybe? and like, that tracks a little closer. but it'd be weird if a show's entire critique was terfism and there was literally not a single trans person on the entire cast. like maybe dot or nora will have an arc coming to terms with a sexy new gender but. idk bro. it just feels off to me, you know? it's still like, you made an entire show on a major platform criticizing a specific aspect of feminism that's not even that widely known? that's the point of the wilds?

maybe i have good place brain rot, or she ra brain rot, or some other type of brainrot and just expect my morals to be handed to me on a silver platter.

but it's still like. what was the fucking point. why make gretchen an evil feminist villain who abuses children?

this show is too smart and well written to just be that dumb. there's gotta be some justification, some deeper reason why they'd make a show just to point out that lord of the flies wasn't just about british rich boys, it is about all of society and feminism is wrong.

like take black panther for example. as much as i enjoyed it way more than any other marvel movie i've seen, it was still--essentially--dumb. this is an ice cold take but obviously killmonger was a good guy. the rich execs made him a bad guy like every rich person makes every radical revolutionary a bad guy so the good guy can create change but only in a way that encourages people to create change within the corrupt system we all live in.

but marvel is not particularly known for its writing. it's a superhero franchise, it hasn't taken itself very seriously since guardians of the galaxy. its goal is to get you to spend 15$ in a theater watching billionaires blow each other up while wise cracking with some of the prettiest visuals money can buy. it's not supposed to make you think and that's okay.

but the wilds feels like a show that wants you to think. with the careful way they handle eating disorders to the complexities of the sibling relationships, the characters are more than just wise cracking billionaires taking off their shirts the first chance they get.

so why. why. i'd understand evil feminist gretchen if it was the latter but why put so much energy into writing this complex well done show if their villain and thus their message was just gonna be: haha feminism too far these days.

here's the only thing i can come up with, my friend.

class.

yeah i fucking know, there's nothing in the show, but bear with me. all of the people working for gretch are rich, or present as rich. or at least of a higher class.

except for one.

lihn might be getting a fancy education but she works at a bar while she's doing it, and it doesn't seem like she's that close with her parents anymore. her trauma would likely cause some major health problem so i'm not having an issue with thinking that maybe, financially, our lihn wasn't doing excellently.

and to have lihn be straddling these two worlds, as she effectively straddles girlhood and adulthood working as the confederate, makes a large amount of sense.

gretchen doesn't want to upend the actual system, which is capitalism, she wants to upend the patriarchy--which is a product of capitalism. lord of the flies was, in a large part, about class. so looking at that we might see a boys island act similarly to a girls island, especially if they keep the class diversification the same for the boys.

what's also interesting is that young is not really of the same class as faber. gretchen talked about him being on that "gin soaked sofa" or something like that, and that could track if we continue to see him help the girls.

idk i'm just. i'm definitely grasping at straws here. but i have no idea what this show is saying and it drives me crazy.

why is gretchen their villain? why is she a feminist doing this for feminist reasons? it's so dumb, i can't believe they wrote it. so why did they write it. why. what am i missing here.

maybe it's something about parenthood? gretchen's a bad parent and it's a critique of the nuclear family? but couldn't they have done that without the evil feminist aspect?

like that's what gets me. what's the point of the evil feminist aspect. why include that when it was so unnecessary and honestly shoe horned in. i could've written something in ten minutes without the weird antifeminism aspect, and definitely they're better writers than me so what's the point of gretchen's motivations

what. is. the. point.

[catnippackets]

have you seen/would u recommend pacific rim 2? ive heard some things about newt and idk lol

I feel like Im in the minority that actually did think pru was fun but that being said it ended SO abruptly and with like three separate plotlines completely abandoned that I was really frustrated for days after watching it until I had processed everything and had time to think deeply about it lol it just seemed rly unfinished?? it feels like it was deliberately made as 1/2 of two sequels and there needs to be one more to tie everything up. actually I’m gonna ramble abt this bc I have a lot of thoughts (obvs spoilers under the cut)

the thing about the second one was that I genuinely was enjoying it right up until it ended because I swear to god the moment the end screen went up I yelled "what the fuck, that's it?" out loud into my bedroom bc I was so SHOCKED that THAT'S how it all ended, because it just seemed so incomplete?? Like it seemed like one half of a story, that will only be made whole if there's a third one to tie up all the plotlines that they didn't go through with in the second and if that's the case then I will be completely fine with it but if it doesn't or if they dont have a third one at all I will stay so frustrated lol. one silver lining to this is that the vibe of this movie was so different from the first that it almost feels easy to separate it and just imagine it as an AU if you prefer which is sort of nice; usually if a piece of media I like does something bad I feel all gutted and anxious and terrible that this is the canon I have to accept, but something abt this movie just made it feel like it was sort of a totally separate deal. maybe cuz only 3 of the original characters were in it idk

to start off: I felt like there were a couple of plotlines in it that were just sort of introduced and then never seen through which was very ????? Amara & Vik's weird hate-rivalry thing was one of them; Vik instantly has it out for Amara bc she’s jealous, which is a very interesting concept, and then this prompts Amara to become hostile right back at her, which is also a very interesting concept, and then it never got resolved at all? like they couldve done something really cool with those two but it just never went anywhere. and then there was sort of a weird love triangle thing happening between Jake and Nate and Jules that felt so weird bc it had no significance to the plot at all and it felt like it was only thrown in there for the sake of having ~romantic drama~ idk maybe I wasnt paying too much attention and there was more to it than that but it really just seemed like they wanted to put romance in there and didnt want to bother to put any work into it

BUT the thing about romantic sub plots is that THERE ALREADY WAAAAS OOOOOOOOONE which brings me to the biggest frustration I have w this movie because--and DISCLAIMER, this was also my favourite plot point of the movie bc it was by far the most interesting, the biggest reason for me enjoying the movie at all, and the bit I feel like should have had WAY more attention--Newt and Hermann were like legitimately in love in this movie I swear to god I was watching it and thinking “this is GENUINELY the most blatantly gay thing I’ve ever seen in a feature film and I know that straight ppl are very talented at writing gay romances completely by accident so it’s possible that they just accidentally did it this way but also it is REALLY goddamn obvious oh my gooood?” (and then I did a lot of frantic googling and found out that I was right and Charlie Day & Burn Gorman knew what the fuck they were doing and I felt so validated lol), and yet despite this, the movie had them speak for the last time almost at the halfway point of the film and then spend the entire second half apart and not talking at all and even at the post-credits scene where Jake and Newt talked for a bit Hermann wasn't there?? not even behind Jake to give Newt any searching glances?? Nothing??

dude...Newt being possessed by the precursors is a HUGELY interesting concept that actually makes sense and I wish it had had more attention. I’ve seen a lot of ppl say that pru butchered Newt’s character and I don’t 100% agree bc like...being possessed will change you lmao so while yes I’m obviously sad that he wasn’t himself, I feel like it made sense that he had a slight personality change, because it...wasn’t him anymore. we don’t really see the Newt we all fell in love with in the first movie. we THINK we’re seeing him, but halfway through we find out we’re wrong.

my critiques with that plotline are basically that I wish the reveal had happened a little bit later on, and I wish that it had been a little more obvious I guess?? like, we definitely get hints of it (when Hermann excitedly asks Newt to help him with a dangerous unorthodox project and Newt says “dude why are you doing something so risky when we’ve already got a good plan in motion? just wait for that to be done, it’s fine” and Hermann IS us, he IS the audience when he reacts, because this is a completely insane thing for Newt to say. Newt, who, in the first movie, was so obsessed with finding knowledge that he went behind the marshall’s back to literally risk his life doing something incredibly dangerous just to see what would happen? being given the opportunity to do the same kind of dangerous frivolous act and refusing? this is blatantly out of character, and Hermann is all of us when he’s shocked, “what, you mean you...won’t help me??” which means it wasn’t bad writing on their part, it was purposefully supposed to stand out as something that was wrong and something that we needed to pay attention to. that was a really good scene to hint that something was Not Right with Newt), and I wish there had been a bunch more like it. I think the reveal should have been saved for the end of the second act; I think that should have been the moment that act 2 of a story usually has, that dreadful event that happens that leaves the main characters feeling completely hopeless and unsure what to do.

I also wish that he had managed to break through more than That One Scene, I think it would’ve been more dramatic if he’d had a few moments where he managed to take control for a second to remind us that he’s still in there and still fighting, and I’m sad they didn’t do that. I saw a fan comic that touched on this idea and I think it’s brilliant, even the idea of him suddenly getting a nosebleed and acting distracted to show that that’s the Real Him trying to fight through would have been sooooooooo good.

I also feel like it didn’t make any sense for Nate to be the one to subdue him in the end, I dont even think those two interact at all so like, why was it him?? it would have been so much more dramatic and heartbreaking if Hermann had been the one to confront him so they could’ve had a little conversation on the roof where Newt could once again break through for a second before getting taken over and then Hermann could like idk have a taser hidden behind him that he uses to subdue him and THAT wouldve been a way sadder and more interesting way to do it. I also think Hermann shouldve been the one to speak to him in the post credits scene, or to have him in the background behind Jake just watching him sadly so we can get a couple shots of intense eye contact like UGH I just wish there had been more interaction between the two of them after the reveal happened!! When the movie was over and I realized they never spoke again I felt so upset!!! they're soulmates!! they're literally in love!! this has been CONFIRMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and segueing in from the soulmate thing, another thing that made me sad was that nobody came in pairs anymore :( aside from Newt and Hermann, they were the only ones gjdfk but in the first one every character had another character that they were paired up with, both for drifting reasons and just for plot reasons (except Chau and Tendo but I’m pretty sure there's actually significance to that too), and in the second one it just sort of felt like everyone was drifting with each other with no strong connection needed and that made it feel way less special. granted, the movie takes place ten years after the first one so in that time maybe technology advanced to the point where you didn't need a strong neural connection to drift anymore, but for the sake of the story it would have been way better if they'd kept the whole soulmates concept from the first one, it made it way stronger and more special

so yeah in conclusion I did think pru was enjoyable and I probably would watch it again some time but also it definitely pales in comparison to the first one and I’m desperately hoping we get one more so they can tie everything together and FIX THINGS KFGH it’s not too late!!!!! I wish I could write Pacific Rim 3 I genuinely think I would do a good job I love storytelling and I’m very passionate about these characters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[reidingmelodies]

omg idk how I didn’t send an ask yet but ASH congrats on 500 that’s huge!! you deserve every one of em <3

if you pleaseee could I get

📝 for the song ‘be my mistake’ by the 1975 (bc I love it a lot and would love to see where you take it)

🎨 bc im so curious to see what you do for itttt

🪐 bc im always down oo

🌻 bc. I’m a sucker for affirmations from others lmao

and 💌 I hope you’re having a great day because you deserve all the best!!!!!

m!! thank you so, so much 🥺💕

📝: I’ll write a blurb or headcanon

I LOVE the 1975, so I was psyched to see this request!! It’s queued to post Wednesday at 11:30 AM EST, tysm for sending it in! 🤍

🎨: I’ll make you a moodboard

you give me very fun/sweet vibes so I wanted to focus on that here!! I was looking at your about and saw that you love music and traveling (which same! we definitely need to talk about that one day bc I love hearing people’s travel stories) so I included that as well 💜

🪐: I’ll share one of my favorite quotes

“Perhaps the reason you are drawn to flowers is not only for their outer beauty, but because they remind you beautiful things will bloom after the longest seasons of waiting” -Morgan Harper Nichols

💌: Let’s talk!

you’re an absolute sweetheart and you deserve all the best in life!! I love scrolling through my dash and seeing you spread so much love to everyone- keep being amazing! 💛

🌻: I’ll talk about my favorite fic of yours

oof okay this was so hard because everything you write is stunning!! but if I have to choose my all time fave is Yeah, I Do (and I’m gonna scream about why under the cut) 🥰

the idea of having a Sunday routine with Spencer makes my heart swell ten sizes because that’s absolutely adorable 🥺 I just love the idea of spending a lazy Sunday all cuddled up with him, a book, and a perfect cup of coffee while you leave your problems aside and relish in each other’s company?? so yup I’m already hooked and in love from the start 🥰

and don’t get me started on the domesticity of their breakfast routine?! I 👏🏽 LOVE 👏🏽 domestic 👏🏽 fluff 👏🏽 and this was so so pure 🥺

OKAY WAIT BUT THEN YA GO INTO MORNING KISSES AND MY HEART SWELLS EVEN MORE

the idea of kissing someone first thing in the morning because you’re that comfortable already gives me butterflies but then being able to casually joke about it too??? someone get me my own Spencer Reid asap ♥️

THEN YOU GO INTO ONE OF MY FAVE ACTS OF LOVE- making someone a perfect cup of coffee 💕 I feel like that’s such a special way to show someone you care about them? it shows that you listen and pay attention and care enough about them to remember the little things (and yes I know Spencer has an eidetic memory but the sentiment stands lol)

The way you perfectly wrote out all of these actions in the buildup to the big reveal had me on cloud nine 🥰 I was already internally screeching at how adorable the two of them are but then you had the most casual confession of love I’ve ever seen and I’m officially CRYING AT THEIR LOVE AND WISHING I WAS Y/N 😭

“he had quickly worked his way up the ladder of people you wanted to share ‘the little things’ in life with, whether it be personal news, or just a meme that you found funny” once again- I’m in love with their love. this level of comfort is so important and the way you wrote it resonated with me so much? the little things are often the most important things and this brought me an infinite amount of happiness 💚

and Spencer being the king of sass in his response quite literally made me snort lmao I loved every second of that and you wrote it so well! and lol at the reader saying “I said thank you for the coffee” mmhmmm sure you did 👀

AND THEN YOU END IT WITH COMFORT AND I’M OFFICIALLY A PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR 😭 Spencer immediately soothing the reader’s embarrassment and confessing his love in the most gentle, soothing way made me fall in love with him all over again

“I don’t need ceremonious, I just need you” the way you claimed my whole heart with that line- I would highlight this a million times if I could 😭

gosh everything about this fills me with infinite amounts of love and happiness-this was so beautifully written, you’re unbelievably talented, and I’m so thankful that you share that talent with us! ♥️♥️♥️

[missfaber]

author interview

I was tagged by @orangeflavoryawp, thank you so much! 

I already know I’m going to enjoy this way too much, writing is such a lonely endeavor and I just love talking about it, sooo... I apologize in advance for rambling. 

name: Madeline/Maddie 

fandoms: this is complicated because there’s fandoms I very much consider myself a part of because they’re just a huge part of my life, even though I don’t contribute content to them, and then there’s fandoms I do create content for. So idk where the line is drawn! 

fandoms I contribute/ have contributed to: Avatar the Last Airbender, Game of Thrones, Merlin BBC, Once Upon a Time, Legend of Korra

fandoms I haven’t contributed to but are so dear to me: Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings (my two favorite things ironically lol), and lots more 

where you post: AO3, used to be ff.net and livejournal too

most popular one shot: by kudos, it’s as if death itself was undone (zutara, atla: katara wakes up to azula in their house and wants to find out a) why she is welcome b) why zuko is acting so weird) 

most popular multichapter: by kudos, it’s soldier, go bravely on (jonsa + gendrya, got, complete, rewrite of the last episode of got with sweetness and angst and action, and may i say some common sense?)

favorite story you wrote: fuck omg this is difficult lol! because I both criticize and love all my stories in equal measure, I honestly don’t write anything that i don’t love, that doesn’t give me butterflies / actual chest pain (from angst). I feel like I’m being asked to choose a favorite child lol. so I’ll try to justify these picks somehow... 

closest to my heart: soldier, go bravely on (also mentioned above). this is the fic that brought me back to writing fic, and to tumblr even! I was on hiatus (that I didn’t know was a hiatus because I had no intention of coming back) for six years before writing this fic. I wrote it so quickly after the got finale, it was such a passionate and fevered few days and it just sucked me back in to everything I used to love as a teenager. It was also a nice stretch out of my comfort zone, because of the dialogue (which was so tightly planned it’s ridiculous, I wrote the whole fic as a screenplay type thing first to make sure there wasn’t a single dialogue word not needed) and tv-episode style. It’s also such a wish-fulfillment fic that I can’t read certain parts without getting a bit teary. for all those reasons and more, this fic will always be so special to me. 

most proud of: wolf, circle north (jonsa, got, alternate season 7 & 8). this is the longest fic I’ve ever attempted and the number I’ve hours I’ve sunk into it is astounding and i should be ashamed.  It’s going to be obscenely long (my outline is 70+ chapters) and when I pull it off, best believe it’s going into a bound book so I can look at how thicc it is and be like, “I did that!” lol. The range of POVs is one of the most challenging but most rewarding part of this fic, and why I’m so proud of it. This is another wish-fulfillment fic for me, not just because it’s another fix-it fic but because I have been writing bits and pieces of this fic for about three years. I kept thinking of jonsa scenarios and little scenes I would have loved to see after season 6 and writing them in a little secret doc, just for me, as I never thought I’d write fic again. After writing “soldier” i had already broken my hiatus and I realized this fic was an actual possibility, so I put it out into the world. I couldn’t be more happy that I did that. Not only did it give me the chance to be in such an excellent, lovely fandom, but the feedback I get is so validating after having this be my secret little project for so long.  

most formative: Coffee & Cigarettes, (merthur, merlin bbc) I’m ashamed to list this and the merthurs reading this 100% want to kill me for having the audacity because it’s incomplete and hasn’t been updated since 2013 when there’s only one chapter left so what’s my excuse?  I call this the most formative for me because until I published this I didn’t really have a fic that people followed and liked, eagerly awaited updates for, and commented regularly on. I was writing a lot of one-shots and atla stuff on tumblr (I used to RP lmao I was like 15 ok?) This was the first time I experienced so many fic-life things, like being excited to get AO3 emails, etc. This was the first time I started to really focus on character which is so important to me now, my writing is completely character driven. Not to mention Merlin and Arthur’s dumbassery and sheer attraction and denial is just... *chef’s kiss* 

guiltiest pleasure: my recent foray into nedsei, who am I??? one more word and you won’t survive, just international hate sex

story you were most nervous to post: ummm idk I’m usually excited not nervous, since for me fic writing is just fun, I write things I’d enjoy reading and that I’m proud of. I read my own fics more than anyone else does, I guarantee it. am I a narcissist? who knows I guess I’ll say “soldier” again because I hadn’t posted fic in six years.

how you choose your titles: wow the hardest part of fic writing for me!!!!! thanks!!!!! lol. Okay so for my work titles, which are always terrible and I literally regret them immediately after posting, it’s usually just some words I play around with and string together that are somewhat thematic and related to the work... they’re always terrible lmao, I hate making titles. I mean, look at “soldier, go bravely on” and “wolf, circle north” for god’s sake, I hate them lmao. But I have to pick a title to post, so!!! For chapter titles and one-shots I’ll usually go with a song lyric, and especially for my chapter titles I spend so long seeking out the perfect one that reflects some thematic or emotional content of the chapter somehow. I’m very proud of my chapter titles for wolf, circle north. I have a doc on my scrivener just for chapter titles that I created in the very early stages of writing it, where I just dumped HUNDREDS of song lyrics that I thought I might use. Then by them I wrote some scenarios where they could work. here’s a screenshot:

It’s so helpful now. Sometimes posting an update will take an hour more than necessary because of me going through that doc, finding the perfect lyric. 

do you outline: OH, DO I OUTLINE... Hell Yeah, I outline. I couldn’t live without outlining. I love outlining. My outlines have outlines. I’m a planner centric, calendar centric, bullet-journal bitch so of course I love outlining. In all seriousness though: I write out of chronological order. I feel my writing is best when I write the scene I’m in the mood to write- unfortunately this scene could be ten chapters down the line from the chapter I’m gonna post next. This is the biggest reason outlining is necessary for me. If I didn’t have an outline, my story would be a non-post-able mess. 

I wasn’t kidding when I said my outlines have outlines. For wolf, circle north I have, um, a few. Character/location centric outlines where I bullet every scene that needs to happen for that plot to happen cohesively (these were all more or less completed before I even started writing the fic), then a “loose” outline that I copy everything from the other outlines into for some semblance of chronological order, then a Polished Final Outline that I write from. I know that sounds psychotic. It’s how my brain works. Some photo evidence/explanation:

And here’s a screengrab of my Final Outline, this is pretty much how it is all the way down- The POV character is italicized in the front, I talk to myself a lot in there, let myself get carried away, will sometimes write out whole segments of the scene if they come to me while outlining. Spoilers for chapters 1-3 of w,cn I guess!!!

Then, because scrivener is awesome, I get to see this outline in the corkboard view (I input every scene as a card) and so I get to see every part of my outline as a Synopsis on the right hand side of the doc where I’m writing the scene:

The POV and status tags (which are completely customizable) on the lower right are helpful too. This post is just a scrivener ad. 

complete: 9 works 

in progress: 4 works

coming soon / not yet started: I have so many fics in the works, I’m an indulgent person so if an idea comes to me I usually go with it for a time. I’ve had a very not-serious Jonsa PLL AU I’ve been writing on and off since summer. I have three different fairytale AUs (also jonsas) I’ve been working on and one time travel AU for @sunbeamsandmoonrays. I can’t say when or if any of these will see the light of day, because my priority is my WIPs and my original writing. But the most prevalent are my Halloween fics (one jonsa, one gendrya, one merthur) which I really want to be able to put out this month, but only if I meet some other goals. I’m trying to rein in my indulgent ass, ya’ll. 

do you accept prompts: no. sorry! but I do workshop ideas with friends, for example the nedsei fic happened that way by talking with @flibbertigiblet. But I don’t take writing prompts in my inbox. 

upcoming story you are most excited to write: my halloween merthur fic. it’s witchy, sassy, and I’m so excited to get back into the heads of these characters.

Tagging! @uchihabat @anniebibananie @noqueenbutthequeeninthenorth @sailorshadzter @vivilove-jonsa and any other lovely writer soul who wants to do this!

[class-wom]

Legion Chapter 24 “Morning After”-Thoughts – SPOILERS!!!

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 SPOILER TERRITORY

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Okay, as I mentioned in a previous tag from a previous reblog, where Shakespearean tragedy analogies/comparisons are concerned, this is looking less and less like Romeo and Juliet (doomed star-crossed lovers, but hey, at least their folks kissed and made up at their funerals, so to speak!) or Hamlet (huge “pile o’ bods,” including the struggling title character, but hey, at least he finally avenged Daddy’s death and left Horatio behind to tell the tale!) and more like MacBeth.  And frankly, that’s really hard for me to take, because I hate MacBeth!!!  (That being said, yeah, Lenny is now officially a classic Lady MacBeth figure.  Out damned spot indeed!)  And it seems rather ironic to me now that the body count we thought was “a thing” by the end of the Pilot -- dead Lenny, dead Clark -- really is a thing now.  (...or is it?!?  Duh-duh-DUHHHHHHHH!!!)

On the bright side (yes, I’m determined to find one -- LOL!), good and/or bad, there was a lot that happened in this ep that imo needed to happen if we’re going to reach a halfway-decent conclusion for better or worse.  And let’s not make the decision there just yet, though we’re kind of left in a position to anticipate the latter imo.

Clark’s fate? love him or hate him, yeah, he had to go imo, because to me he was a vengeful fly in the ointment who only back-burnered his David-grudge from Chapters 9 to 19 due to lack of sufficient evidence of David being a threat (a terribly useful tool in Farouk’s “bag o’ tricks;” please let us remember how casually Farouk literally flicked him off in the closing scenes of Chapter 18!), and consequently only succeeded in his relentless pursuit and obsession in making a bad situation ten times worse and more complicated in the long run.  I’ve mentioned before that Daniel’s lines in Chapter 20 made the consequences of Clark’s one-track mind perfectly clear, which brings me to Daniel’s fate:  Yeah, this is definitely one to file under “Okay, if you want me to badmouth David, I’ll go with this one; what he did to Daniel was (borrowing from Clueless) way harsh and completely unnecessary and cruel.”  Funny that it happened before he took down Clark, who again did have to be removed if any headway is to be made in any direction imo.  But maybe that’s part of the point being made here:  Okay, fine, go ahead and hate David for savagely taking down Daniel’s mental capacity as collateral damage, if you like.  But in the end, what put him in the line of fire in the first place?  His love for and loyalty to the obsessed (”focused”) Clark.  So could it be possible that, consciously or otherwise, Clark was so focused on taking down David by whatever means necessary that he was willing to put his partner at risk in the process? and doesn’t that make him as bad as David, allowing his obsessions to distract him from and ruin what he holds dear?  Not an excuse, mind, but just a thought.  It’s just that there are so many more of David at this point that it’s easier to spot in his case! LOL!

Which leads me to the next batch of things that happened that needed to imo:  The long-overdue Sydvid talk and Syd’s discovery of David’s alters.  Now regarding the former, this brings me to a tiresome sore point in light of the Chapter 23 gulag scene, namely the “one step forward/two steps back”-type of scenario where David has a much-needed confrontation that reveals his deep-seated pains and struggles beneath his dark persona, but GOTCHA! -- the whole thing turned out to be a trick, and David’s back to his guarded ruthless self as a result.  Still, hopelessly optimistic viewer that I am, I’d like to think some much-needed seeds were planted during the talk:  Even if Syd was deliberately attempting to lull David into letting his guard down (via SK’s Chapter 21 cringe-worthy promise to “teach you to lie so well that he’ll thank you as you stab him in the back”) by saying everything he wanted (and imo needed) to hear.  (Yeah, since David made a point of mentioning how he used to trust her, we’ll see how well he trusts her in future after that stunt!!! 🙄)  I’d like to think that, whatever state she may be in at this point (there’s the possibility that she may not take a literal physical form, but hey, after the whole Lenny S1-S2 Saga, who knows with this show?), she’ll know a lot better than to trust Farouk from now on.  (David was right about that when he said she shouldn’t have trusted him!!!)  I like the fact that she at least admitted that she had been jealous!!!  So at least she came out and stated the obvious; I was pleased about that!

And now that it’s happened, I can go ahead and say it:  Yes, the Sydvid Body Swap, Syd-trick or otherwise, needed to happen, because Syd needed to see what was/is driving David and making him behave the way he has been all this time.  I was shocked as to how quickly it transpired:  I wasn’t expecting it for a few more eps, tbh, and yeah, I was kind of hoping it would end a little more optimistically, with Syd and the Davids eventually talking things over, but depending on wherever Syd is mentally now (in David’s mind? somewhere in the stratosphere? I know that the next ep, which I may miss altogether but follow up on via summaries in the name of continuity, will follow her on the astral plane, so idk, maybe she’s just in a deep coma right now physically), maybe it could still happen with three eps to go? 

Also, on a side note, I liked watching DS’s “Syd-as-David” drag RK’s weakly protesting “David-as-Syd” down the halls muttering, “It’s okay, David! I gotcha!”  Took me awhile to figure out wtf Syd was up to and what she was really trying to pull during the discussion, complete with her tipping her hand about Switch’s whereabouts; I concur with a tweet I read dismissing it as a stupid plan on the part of Syd, quite frankly, thereby minimizing sympathy somewhat imo for her current position.  But I still enjoyed watching that post-swap part for some reason; acting-wise, that had to be a challenge for both DS and RK, so props there!  (And okay, yeah, Syd using David’s powers to blast his knife-wielding followers?  On the one hand, I feel sorry for them, but on the other, I concede with reluctance that it was kind of cool, if for no other reason that I no longer have to listen to them call him “Daddy”!  ROTFL!  Not sure what annoys me more, their calling him “Daddy” or Farouk calling him “My son” or “My baby.”  Let’s put it at a photo finish, shall we?  LOL!)

Okay, on to the Lenny Shocker -- and to me, it was a shocker!  Yet there was a huge dropped ball in this scene that annoyed me:  As Lenny was calling David out on his narcissism, why the heck didn’t he point out that the only reason he was keeping her around and/or she had a body in the first place -- a body destroyed by Syd, accidentally or otherwise, using David’s body and powers, I might add!!! -- was because Farouk destroyed the only tangible family, adopted or otherwise, in order to grant her request for a physical body and freedom?  He would have certainly had grounds to do so, Heaven only knows!  Okay, fine -- not saying that Hawley & Co. had to call up Katie Asleton to get her to film new scenes; a few flashbacks and/or at least the name-drop of Amy would have been good enough for me.  But I’ll give NH credit:  There may have been a case in which he did write such a line in this scene for David, and heck, maybe it was even filmed, only to be cut at the request of the FX execs who argued that it would cause the ep to run too long to ironically run that Twizzlers ad during the commercial breaks.  (Anyone else catch that in the “Lenny Swan Song”-ep with regard to a sponsor choice? that couldn’t have been a coincidence! LOL!)  Perhaps the best part of the scene (at least imo), David shedding visible and genuine tears as Lenny slowly bleeds to death, was supposed to indicate this, that the closest thing he had nearby to remind him of a true family was slipping away from him.  Interesting ref during the Sydvid talk that he later describes this as “abandonment” and equates it with his parents.  I guess that’ll work for now, but I would have liked to at least hear the Amy-ref, since it’s safe to call that moment the turning point in S2, David’s realization of Lenny’s true identity.  JMO.

And while the World Wide Web is crying “There’s no doubt about it, David truly is a villain now!” can we just take a look at Farouk in this ep once and for all and say “Yeah, okay, whatever, but that doesn’t mean that Farouk is good by default!”?  (I know, I know -- two wrongs don’t make a right, as I keep saying, but again, Farouk’s old enough to have a better idea of what he’s doing, and apparently for all his coolness, even he in the end underestimates his competition!) Puppet master, master Chess player (oooh, a Xavier/Magneto ref! LOL!), etc., etc. -- we definitely see Farouk as nothing more than a master manipulator.  Yet he’s not completely successful in his control over D3, and since the D3/Summerland gang has changed so dramatically and frustratingly over the course of this show to the point where I’m not even sure I can root for the Loudermilks anymore (Kerry’s excitement about going to space was kind of fun, though!), I’m not sure whether to be pleased or disappointed in this turn of events and the inevitable parting of the ways.  (Or at least I would hope so; perhaps he’ll use Syd’s apparent condition to his advantage, idk.)  Frankly, I’m coming more and more to the conclusion that there is going to be no true winner at curtain’s end no matter how you slice it; at best, perhaps some parties will come away with a bittersweet sense of closure, and that’ll be about it.

Regarding Farouk’s underestimation of his control over the situation, I liked Switch’s suddenly popping up to help David, but if she’s incarcerated in a hibernation chamber, how the heck did she manage to snap out of it so quickly?  That had a rather deus ex machina-feel to it imo.  I may have missed something, idk; quite possible with this type of a show.  LOL!

And as often happens, I guess I had a little more to say the morning after than I thought I did! 😂

[essu-rwby-desu]

                                          Episode 2: Uncovered  

                               -SUPER LONG POST. SPOILERS-

*There may be typos, incorrect spelling, and bad grammar due to me trying to rush this and episode 3. Bare with me plz. The amount of gifs made for this was overkill and will lighten them up in the next post. Also, I will be referring to these posts as commentary since that’s what they mostly are and not reviews/reactions. Without further ado:

-Fade in from black-

~Ah Haaa ahhh ahhh Ahhh Ahhhhhhh~

So Cinder’s still alive. Not surprised tbh because of the intro.

Wait. So you’re telling me. That the vault to one of the Relics, a vault that has a gate to another dimension, is now wide open to walk in now? Oz, how about a little bit of house keeping?  Oh I don’t know, maybe have some thicker walls or something???

Welp. That’s a shame. Another one bites the Dust. Poor lady didn't deserve that fate.

“We need to take the Relic to Atlas?”

I said it before, poor child had barely escaped now they have to go back.

Blake ready to throw Weiss under the bus LOL. I felt some snark coming from her haha.

“Ex-Heiress, actually.” That volume one throw back.

YANG IS ON BOARD THE “THROW THE WEISS UNDER THE BUS” TRAIN. Poor Weiss LOL. 

Just look at her.  ¯\_(~‿^)_/¯

The Lantern can answer any questions? Any 3 questions? So it’s like. Knowledge is power kind of thing? I guess you could say that. The Lantern’s magic is quite. Enlightening.

JESUS FUCk, NORA PLEASE.

OH MY GOD, NORA PLEASE. Your Yandere is showing.

Nora has the best characterization. So full of energy. So full of Mood.

Yang in there, Yang.

Oscar, the MVP, is on board the “Throwing People Under the Bus” Train, now featuring Ozpin.

“Do you really think Leo was the first? That he didn’t say those exact same words to me? I’m sorry, but you have to understand my behavior is backed by experience.”

I have to say Oz has it rough. Having lived multiple times only to have close allies betray him, multiple times he implies. I don’t blame him for walling himself off from others. But at the same time, his approach could be. Better? I’m not saying he should entirely trust Team RWBY, but he should really tell them all the important details of, well, everything, if he’s to lead them to stopping Salem in whatever the fuck she plans to do with the Relics.

Also shout out to Aaron Dismuke for such great voice acting on this part for Oscar/Ozpin. The way he said “Do you really think Leo was the first?” shook me.

What’s really strange about this part is that Ozpin forgot about the Relic. Like it’s very important to keep an eye on this thing right? I found it surprising that he didn’t realize he no longer had it on him for such a long time. Sure, he might have been distracted, but I feel like his priorities were kind of “Relic first” ya know?

Wtf, he’s still hiding more shit??? Oscar what are you doing.

“Her name is Jinn”? 

WHO IS “HER”? AND “JINN” LIKE A DJINN? LIKE. A GENIE?

If there was ever a time for a more mature/vulgar dialogue for Team RWBY, 

It would be, RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

 BECAUSE:

ITS. FUCKING. GENIE.

TEN THOUSSANNNNNNNDDDDD YEARRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSS CAN LEAVE SUCHA CRICK IN THE NECK. RUBY ROSE, YOU AINT NEVER HAD A FRIEND LIKE ME.

(I think this is just me but her eyes make me feel uncomfortable. I think its the lashes..??? They look SUPER huge???)

ME TOO RUBY. ME TOO.

Qrow, you don’t have to pretend to be so modest. 

So where did Cinder end up exactly? She’s still somewhere in Mistral but this looks like a very Black Market-y kind of place. Also Idk why but she looks good in those clothe- I just remembered she killed someone for them. Hm.

?????SPIDERMAN????

“Looks like your life’s savings.” “It was somebodies.”

I have to admit, that was a good line. Cute indeed.

“Little Miss Malachite”. I’ll be honest I totally forgot about the Little Miss Muffet rhyme. BUT MALACHITE. I can only think of 2 other specific twins with that last name in this show! But it might just be a coincidence... 

So. Okay. What I don’t understand is why is Cinder looking for RWBYJNR. She knows Raven is the Spring Maiden, but she doesn’t know that Raven gave Yang the Relic. Cinder was tossed off the edge before Yang even got down there. If anything Cinder should be looking for Raven since she might be the one with the Relic.

Hm but I guess if Raven betrayed Cinder, then Cinder could assume Raven was working with the opposing party. Hmm...

I get she got her ass whooped by Raven and is a bit jumpy, but Cinder, you’re basically an Avatar. You could wipe the floor with anyone in that building. It was implied that her powers got weakened after she crawled out of the water, but by how much? And was that even the Maiden’s power or her own semblance?

Information trade is a business. SO SOMEONE MIGHT BE LOOKING FOR CINDER.

So the first I want to bring up (with the ordering not being important) are the Malachite twins, Melanie & Miltiades Malachite. I bring this up first cuz I feel like this is the unlikely people or group looking for Cinder. Despite, again, both Little Miss and the Twins share a “last name”, I doubt they’re linked in any way. I mean one is here in Mistral while the other in Vale. The only connection the Twins would have with Cinder is Roman. And of course we see Roman’s hat fly by Cinder in the OP.

SO SECOND, which I believe is on most people’s mind is NEO. The next closest, and probably the closest person connected to Roman is probably the one looking for Cinder, since she, too, has worked for Cinder. And we don’t know if Neo actually knows what happened to Roman since she flew off the airship. And the only 2 people that might know would be Ruby Rose or Cinder Fall. And perhaps Neo has been trying to track down Ruby all the way to Mistral. But now that Ruby and the gang are leaving the continent, but Cinder is still in town, it might be easier to go after Cinder instead.

Just bring back my Neopolitan.

OKAY SO. JINN. GOD OF LIGHT. 3 QUESTIONS. But luckily, there’s 2 left. 

So, one, what the fuck Oz? Why you lying? WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL OF THE QUESTIONS ALREADY BEING USED UP???

Two: WHAT WAS THE FIRST QUESTION??? 

Three: GOD OF LIGHT??? Is this God one of the Brothers Grimm???

Again, I feel bad for Oz, but at the same time I still think he should’ve said more about, again, everything, to prevent

This. I understand keeping some deep dark secrets to yourself, but if the world is at jeopardy, then mayyybeee some of those secrets should be brought into light??? I mean look, Yang Weiss and Blake are already, and literally, up in arms. If Oz had shared more, then this situation couldve been avoided, or at the very least, diffused.

Also, Team ‘Protect Ruby Rose at ALL COSTS”

If I were Qrow, and I too, were kept in the dark, I would want to know more about everything as well. And I’m sure he trusts his niece to do the right thing.

That was quite a visceral scream.

Oz, what were you even planning to do to Ruby? Like???

Also looks like Ruby took the Red Pill cuz welcome to the fucking Matrix.

-Shameless self made gif insert- but then again arent all these gif self made?

SALEM. 

DID OZ LOCK HER UP IN THE TOWER? WHO IS SALEM REALLY?? MAY YOU SUMMON ME A CHEEZBORGER??? 

THESE ARE MY 3 QUESTIONS, JINN. PLEASE. IM HUNGRY.

Aside from answering virtually any question and granting people an AR replay, can Jinn do any other sort of magical things? Cuz if she can conjur up some food.  👌 👌 👌

[reewrites]

The Looking Glass | 2 | Sweet Pea

Sweetpea x OC

I know I should crumble for better reasons, but have you seen that boy? He brings the sun to its knees every night.

chapter one

Writers note: The man of the hour is finally here. How will Southside high deal with both Sweet Pea and Carlson? Honestly, I don’t even know. They’re probably smoking cigarettes and giving teachers attitude so no one can touch them. And a huge thank you goes to everyone who read/liked/reblogged chapter one! 

Warnings: Language, Mild Violence (idk it’s literally a punch but better to be safe than sorry) 

Carlson knew the first day wouldn’t be easy, so she opted to dress as unnoticeable as possible. A black turtleneck was tucked into a pair of black skinny jeans with an oversized denim jacket covering it and black boots. If that didn’t help her blend in, nothing would. She threw her hair up in a bun and grabbed the keys to the truck on her way out.

The outside of Southside High looked like her old school. Rundown, covered in graffiti and an insane number of bikes sitting in the student parking lot. It was almost as if she never home. At least she knew how to handle the students who went to the school. She pulled into the first parking spot she found, all the way in the back of the lot.

Her first day started with a security guard acting all high and mighty when she walked through the metal detector with a pin in her hair. It ended with her throwing the pin in a bin and leaving it in there after walking through. She grabbed her bag and turned to see the pink haired girl she needed, a genuine smile on her face.

“Carlson Carrow.”

“Toni Topaz, just the person I was looking for.”

“First thing you’ll have to know is that you should stay away from the Ghoulies. They’re a rival gang on the Southside filled with drug dealers, street racers, some rumors of cannibalism. If you’re smart, you’ll stay away from them.”

Toni pointed at a group that was staring them down. By the looks of them, they were just another gang in leather jackets with no sense of loyalty. Their numbers seemed impressive enough but other than that nothing stuck out about them. To Carlson, they were another group of try-hards that let any kid on the street join. What was the good in that?

They continued their walk through the overcrowded hall, weaving in and out of groups that were walking too slow for either of them. She took note of the exits, making sure she knew where they were in case of anything. It was a habit she developed when she was young and stuck with her ever since.

“The classrooms don’t have wifi and the bathroom stalls don’t have doors.”

“Sounds like paradise.”

She led the both of them to the cafeteria, stopping outside of a fenced-in area. Behind her, the three boys that were in Pop’s with Toni the night before had already claimed a table. The lines were clearly drawn: you were either a Serpent, a Ghoulie, or neutral observer. You stuck to your own and didn’t branch out in fear of others thinking you were siding with one or the other.

“As long as you hang with us, you’ll be fine. We look out for our own.”

“I know you guys are letting me in because of who my dad is - and don’t pretend like you don’t know who he is.” She wiggled a finger at the girl. ”But, it makes this shit a lot easier, so thanks.”

They walked towards the table with the rest of friends, causing a pit to form in Carlson’s stomach. Normally she wouldn’t care what people thought of her, but this was different. It meant a hell of a lot more to her that a group of Serpents liked her than some regular Joes.  

“Here we have Jughead Jones, Fangs Fogarty, and Sweet Pea.” She pointed a hand in each of the boys direction.

“I guess Jones isn’t the only Serpent royalty we have to deal with now.” His eyes were filled with mischief, clearly trying to get a rise out of her.

“Drop it, Sweet Pea.”

She knew this would happen and was 100% not surprised that it was him. Her bag dropped onto the table with a loud thud, attracting the attention of anyone within a ten-foot radius. All eyes were on the new girl who was making a scene before homeroom even started.

“Listen Sweet Pea, I don’t care what you think. I don’t even care if you don’t like me. But, I won’t put up with petty bullshit just because you think I’m only here because I’m ‘Serpent royalty.’ I’ve earned my stripes.”

As quick as the tension was there, it was gone when Jughead laughed. Toni couldn’t hide the ‘I told you so’ smile on her face and Fangs just joined in with Jughead. Carlson’s eyebrows shot up for a second as her expression matched his; two could play that game and she wasn’t known to lose.

“Looks like we finally found someone to shut up Sweet Pea,” Fangs said through fits of laughter, earning a shove from the taller Serpent.

After a few minutes, Toni guided Carlson to her locker, which happened to be next to her own, then broke off to get her schedule from the front office. She said that they had homeroom together, but they wouldn’t have time for it since she needed to finish the tour. The first bell rang, causing her to take note of how crowded the hallway continued to be.

“What’s a pretty face like you doing here?”

Carlson looked around her locker to see one of the Ghoulies that Toni pointed out to her. It was only day one and she was already dealing with this shit. She rolled her eyes and finished placing her books in the short space.

“Walking away from you.” She shut her locker and begun to walk away but the Ghoulie grabbed her arm before she got away. His grip on her was hard enough that she couldn’t rip her arm away no matter how hard she tried. Her bag slid down her free arm and the look on her face could kill.

“I don’t think so, sweetheart.”

“Leave her alone, Ghoulie. She’s with us.”

She glanced behind the kid holding her arm and a sigh left her mouth. It was Sweet Pea and Fangs, coming to her rescue. Of course. It wasn’t that she minded either of them showing up, but she didn’t exactly want either of them to think she couldn’t handle things by herself. Where the hell was Toni?

“I should’ve figured you were just another Serpent slut.”

That was all it took. Something inside of her snapped and within a second Carlson was swinging her fist at the Ghoulies’ face, knocking him to the ground. Leaning down, she grabbed his face so he could look at her. “Call me a slut again and you’ll have a matching black eye sooner rather than later.” She shoved her bag back onto her shoulder and stood back up.

“Look at Carrow. Beating up the Ghoulies all on her own.”

She couldn’t help the eye roll if she tried.“I can handle my shit, Sweet Pea.”

“Hey! You!” She whipped her head around to see the Southside principal pointing at her. “In my office. Now.”

“Fuck,” the word came out in a drawn out whisper. She started adjusting her bag when she looked to see where the Ghoulie went. He was halfway down the hall with Sweet Pea and Fangs on his tail. He might’ve gotten away from her but not them and for that she was thankful.

“I see here that you’ve been suspended multiple times for fighting and also once for a pocket knife being found in your bag during a random locker check. Is this true?”

“Yeah, I was going through a lot at that time and-”

The principal shut his file and looked up. “I don’t care what you did or didn’t do at your old school, Ms. Carrow. Southside High is riddled with gangs, drugs, and God knows what else at this point. Your name is just another in a long line of students that I now have to deal with.”

Carlson was speechless. Mission High was bad, but not this bad. At the very least, their principal made an effort to stop kids from bringing drugs in. Whether or not it actually worked was up for debate. But this was a whole different monster that she wasn’t ready for.

"Now, your student sponsor is,” he looked at a post-it on the front of the folder then back at her. “Toni Topaz. If you were smart, you’d keep your head down and stay away from both the Ghoulies and the Serpents. That’s all, Ms. Carrow. You can get back to your day.”

And that was that. She grabbed her bag from off the floor and made her way out of the office as the second bell rang. It was a surprise for her when instead of Toni, Sweet Pea was leaning against the wall opposite the office. Carlson looked around the hall for her, but she was nowhere in sight.

“Are you waiting for me, Sweet Pea? Where’s Toni?”

“Jones dragged her off to class and left me with this,” he handed her a folded paper with her name on it, crossed his arms against his chest and began to walk down the hall. “Figured I could show you where our class is.”

She jogged to catch up with him, pulling on his sleeve to slow him down. “Our class?”

“Yep. We’ve got history together.”

Instead of answering, she just fell in step with him. It felt weird to be following someone around that wasn’t Toni. Or maybe it was that she didn’t have to look down in order to talk to him. Either way, she ran with it. He knew where they were going and she was just along for the ride.

“Don’t think I’m apologizing for this morning.”

“Wouldn’t expect anything less from you, Carrow.”

“I have a name, you know. It’s Carlson, seven letters and three syllables.”

“Whatever you say, Carl.”

“Carl?” She stopped on the stairway, confusion written on her face while Sweet turned to face her with a smirk.

“It’s either Carrow or Carl. Take your pick.”

She sighed and began to walk past him, bumping into his shoulder on her way. “I’ll take Carl.”

“Why don’t you wear your jacket?” They were on the third floor now, where their class was. Only a few more feet until she could sit down and relax.

“My jacket?” He nodded. “I’m wearing it right now?”

“I’m talking about your Serpent jacket. You are a Serpent, right?”

She waited a few minutes before answering, thinking over the best way to drop the bomb on him. “I haven’t worn it since my mom died. Psych textbooks classify it as ‘a coping mechanism.’ I classify it as weak. You can classify it however you want.” Why was she being honest with him? It’s not like he actually cared. But, she couldn’t help herself from letting the truth slip out. “She’s the one who gave it to me.”

The rest of the walk was silent and she couldn’t be happier. The last thing she wanted was Sweet Pea to say he was sorry. Everyone was always sorry for them and it got tiring after a while. She just wanted people to treat her like normal, not some delicate flower. But, the silence that fell between them didn’t feel bulky or forced; it felt comfortable.

They were already 10 minutes late by the time they showed up, much to the dismay of the teacher who would’ve preferred they skipped. The fewer students in the class, the less likely a fight would break out in the middle of their lesson. They grabbed the last two seats near the window in the back of the room. Sweet Pea pulled out his phone and sat on top of the desk in next of her while she took her notebook and pencil out.

“I heard what Watermen said in there.” She raised her eyebrows at him, earning an eye roll in return. “You got into fights at your old school.”

“Yeah well, I wasn’t some sheep who let people get away with saying shit.”

She tried to concentrate on what their teacher was saying, but it was useless. The grip on her pencil tightened, turning her knuckles white. The teacher's voice drowned out and memories of kids making fun of her mom flooded her mind. The anger she was used to swallowing came rushing back in full force, tempting her to take it out on something, on someone. Her fists were good at what they did and they were itching to go.

“Hey.” Carlson snapped back to reality when she heard him talk, fingers loosening their grip. She could’ve sworn he looked concerned if she didn’t think it was impossible. “Don’t look so angry. You’ll get wrinkles and start looking like Jones.”

“I swear to God I’m going to kill you.”

He chuckled before looking down at his phone. “Don’t tease me like that, Carl.”

[cvenir]

here i am to introduce EIGHT characters that i actually thought i had already introduced lmao set me on fire !! but yay, take a look under the cut! ofc eventually proper bios will hit my pages and their tasks will expand much more on my children! as always, pinterests and songs are linked if u wanna go a lil deeper

just kidding i drafted that when i was aCTUALLY gonna do 8 but thankfully tea says she won’t accept me until i post 2 intros so yOU SHALL RECEIVE 2 RN and 8 later <33333 gotta keep y’all on your toes heh also i wrote niall’s in my journal on the plane so like... it’s not great (literally just bullets of sentence fragments) but wtvr that’s what bios are for amirite

NIALL O'DONOGHUE looks an awful lot like TARON EGERTON. HE is TWENTY-EIGHT and while they're ASTUTE, they have a tendency to get pretty ARDUOUS. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to DON'T WANNA FALL IN LOVE by KYLE (ok his pinterest is incredibly unfinished look away)

v conflicting mix of soft and hard

king of suppressing his lowkey intense feelings

kinda awkward around others due to the fact that he spent his entire life reading, writing, and studying –– he rarely interacted with other people as a kid and this mostly continued into his adult life

sweet soft boi has a double masters in medieval and renaissance studies and french and romance philology; he’s working on his phd rn while interviewing to become an assistant professor at kola university

grew up w a single mom (never knew dad) and had no siblings so his childhood was even lonelier :////

so like mad libs = his bff :’(

well mad libs and the shoulder flashlight he invented for late night reading (shoutout to amy santiago)

v soft and passionate heart

loves intellectual discussions like my boi has v strong gemini/virgo/mercury influences –– and a libra (or taurus i haven’t decided yet) venus so waTCH OUT

takes friendship v seriously (love u grant <333 @mcnuggcts )

buttt he can be a giant asshole sorry i don’t make the rules

v organized and particular

and scared of getting close to people bc he’s so used to being alone ugh my son!!

but once you get in there you’ll see he’s a good guy like rlly is he just has a bad temper sometimes and can barely express any emotion but anger half the time :///

ISLA VARGA looks an awful lot like ALEXIS REN. SHE is TWENTY-TWO and while they're SAGACIOUS, they have a tendency to get pretty MACABRE. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to COOL GIRL by TOVE LO. 

so i’ve played isla before n i’m v sorry to do this but i feel hella lazy so i’m sORRY but here comes a fucking huge wall of text don’t look at me and don’t feel like u have to read it ://// all the triggers i tagged apply to her; she’s p dark so seriously do not read it if you think she will make you uncomfortable!!

to preface, isla is like the embodiment of all of the seven deadly sins, and i molded her a lot after amy dunne (scary, i know) and april ludgate (mostly amy tho april is just deadpan like she is –– when she’s being herself, that is), as she is an incredible pococurante yet perfectionist who borders on sociopathy

soooo this will make sense later but her real name is actually brigid (father’s surname idk) which she now uses as her middle name

so isla’s dad is a fucking rockstar !!! badass right. she’s half-siblings with hadley ( @ofadorations ) and colby ( @shtbgs ) but she actually never met her mom, something she’s not too pressed about

bc she was cute as a button, family friends decided to get her into the entertainment business as a child star almost as soon as she could walk –– she did it all, acted, modeled, danced, sang, she was literally hollywood’s little starlet and she hated every minute of it. the entertainment business loved who they created, but that girl was never her and it weighed deeply on her psyche.

when she was twelve, she decided to fake her own disappearance because she was fed up with everything –– she cut her hair to her ears, dyed it brown (and has continued to do so ever since) and sneaked her way to nyc hoping no one would recognize her

well someone did, and they happened to be a member of ruthless and organized mobs of the city –– in return for keeping her concealed, she pledged her devotion and became one of their most skilled and lethal honeytraps in the business (WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE BC THEY MADE HER START YOUNG I AM SO SORRY FOR WRITING THIS IT JUST PLAYS HEAVILY INTO HER CHARACTER)

along the way, members inevitably died –– people she was sworn to care for –– many times before her eyes as well, which only lead her to realize she enjoyed witnessing all sorts of death, even those of people she was supposed to “love”. emotion was almost nonexistent in isla’s childhood, a trait that bled into her character development.

she began to idolize the gang and its power, something she now craved. still, isla was doing a great job of portraying herself to those around her as a rosy, meek, baby-doll, when in actuality she was a child full of hate who would soon blossom into a young adult of the same tone. she became even more obsessed with death, fantasizing about it as if her unusual thoughts would make her less afraid when it came for her. 

eventually, as she grew older, she was accepted into the higher ranks of the mob; this couldn’t have made isla more content. the macabre girl was honored that someone else noticed her genius, the way she could predict things, assess situations, manipulate people to do her bidding. it was only right that she was initiated into a society that praised her for such harshness

but, as all things do, her time in the gang ended after ten years and isla did what she does best: disappeared. she’s relocated back close to home, kola california, and it’s only a matter of time before people and the industry realize just who she is

if she’s acting like her true self, she behaves like a negative, eldritch layabout who likes to watch others suffer (sounds extreme, i know). however, she rarely lets anyone see the real her, and instead accepts various facades in a big game –– the darkness is truly her personality, she’s not faking her cold demeanor. this image enables her to mask her true potential and the fact that she is unflaggingly loyal and cares about those she’s close to.

if i had to give her a label, it would probably be the pococurante (which is defined as: an indifferent person. possibly they’re bored, jaded or even been hurt. either way, they tend not to get attached to things and don’t show much enthusiasm, whether that’s on the outside or the inside, too)

on the other hand, she could be accurately summed up as an arcane, as she’s an enigmatic mystery and she prides herself on being a puzzle that several people have failed to solve. there are many sides to her personality; in some aspects, she’s very much an aesthete considering she spends a great deal of her time taking putting together outfits, so she has a very defined fashion sense and typically dresses like a princess half the time, which is very ironic considering her dark personality. she truly is so GLAMOROUS (and this is why i love alexis for her) and she works that mean girl, hard soul aesthetic while serving looks and also able to come across as incredibly sweet, which is perfect for her multiple personas. she’s a stunner, with both her appearance and personality; as much as she is indifferent and would prefer to fly under the radar, wherever she goes people always want to ask questions, making her into this intangible concept that everyone wants to define.

people will recognize parts of her as if they’ve seen here in another life, and because of her ostentatious, puzzling, and spellbinding personality, she’s unforgettable. on the other hand, she’s also something of a virago, due to the fact that she can be incredibly feisty when angered; but it takes quite a lot to actually set off her fuse, as she’s good at controlling which emotions she shares. for the most part, she is incredibly blasé and even-tempered. additionally, she’s is a bit of a picaro because her primary aim with her life at this point is to be independent and liberated from any and all attachments to other people. mostly, though, she’s is nothing more than a girl who’s afraid; of what, she still can’t decide.

all in all, she’s so much of everything that she isn’t quite certain of her own identity. her character is one shrouded in secrets and shadows yet alluring and sensual. but, lbr, most of all she’s just deadass terrifying. one of her defining characteristics is her desire to make things happen for her through her own abilities and determination. obstinate as all get out, she doesn’t like to own up to making mistakes so she tries to prove that she’s almost invincible to them bc she doesn’t wanna let anyone see her vulnerable, or she doesn’t want to let someone down - this refers only to those that she’s actually close to. due to her apathetic nature, all she really wants to do is let most people down – people she finds boring and useless – and have some fun because of it. however, when it comes to people she truly has allowed herself to care about, her deepest desire is for their happiness because they must be pretty damn special for making her give a shit.

still, because of her evasive tendencies, she almost always does ruin things for herself and for others, even when she actually cares. she’s like a double-edged sword; when she finds something worthwhile, she sees so much beauty and potential in it, but she’s got a midas touch. whenever she wants to obtain it or pursue it, her involvement makes everything fall to ashes, and she is afraid of her own influence. despite her tendency to run away, once she latches on and decides to be truly loyal, she’ll be devoted in such an extent that she would undoubtedly kill for them.

she can be a loudmouth whenever she actually decides to speak, constantly fabricating outlandish stories and even going off like a deranged person, but beneath her caustic and frightening exterior, isla is rather pensive. on the occasion that she chooses to offer legitimate advice, it’s usually very elaborate and composed. still, she doesn’t want people to know about capable she is, or how intelligent she can be, so she hides her rare brilliance with a tough exterior and stoic personality.

idk if you can tell but i like diving into the specifics of my character like their star signs and stuff so i searched an amy dunne mbti and tweaked it bc it really helped describe her even further! she’s a intj !

introverted intuition (ni): isla sees everything around her in a world of symbols, of metaphors, and of potential. her narration will continually be littered with predictions, with ideas about how things are going to be and what will result from this or that. despite her brashness that some may assume is impulsivity, she is a planner, anticipating new “problems” and seeking to rectify them with her own twisted brand of justice. she tries to work everything into her overall system of understanding, of her big ideas about how the world works, including her take on her various false identities she possesses for her previous job as an escort but also to mess with the minds of others around her. she’s always disappointed by how the real world is never as good as the way she imagined it; she is perfect and nothing else can catch up with her expectations.

extroverted feeling (fe): despite her aloofness, and rather lack of any sort of emotional bearing, empathy, or any sort of true feeling, isla is conscious of how others’ perceive her, of the image she’s created, and of how key that social perception is to her success, even if it’s just in her own imagination. she restrains her real opinions in order to adapt to her environment, as she’s somewhat of a chameleon, only a few have had a chance to catch the true witch beneath the crown. she’s the mistress of change, easily altering her identities in order to better fit in with new people, should the situation require it. she’s easily devastated when she reveals her real personality to others, as in the past, some that she’s left truly see her have refused to accept her twisted true-self. even though she is wholesomely selfish and self-seeking, isla is very people-focused, and applies most of her intellect and analysis onto general people-based functions, that may she can have the confidence that she has clearly manipulated and analyzed every aspect of her environment, as she needs this to feel in control.

introverted thinking (ti): as mentioned, isla is highly analytical, always trying to see the why of a scenario, what’s behind human behavior, which turns her attention to psychology and manifests in her flair for anticipating the thoughts and actions of those around her; she is so obsessed with understanding why people tick that she looks past her own slighted judgment, as she herself could easily qualify as a sociopath/psychopath. she’s always trying to fit in any new experience, or piece of information, into her pre-established system of facts, and as such is rarely ever surprised. despite her apathy and lack of care for her life or how it progresses, she’s highly organized and loves to make checklists, arrangements for the future, and methodically ticks of her obligations, one by one. while her emotions and feelings are significantly suppressed, and even nonexistent, she makes up for that human trait with a very powerful mind, one that is quick to learn and adept with languages, memorization, and logic. however, she doesn’t want anyone to know just how brilliant and quick she is, as it’s her greatest asset, thus explaining why she chose not to be a member on the intellectual team.

extroverted sensing (se): isla tends to respond her physical environment with fierce analysis, as expressed in her intellectual capabilities. she’s almost incapable of living in the moment, contrary to how people suspect she is, considering she portrays herself as impulsive and cunningly excitable. in reality, though, even when she’s crossed off everything on her checklist, she’s almost incapable of relaxing, or enjoying the world around her, as she doesn’t find things that other people find beautiful. she struggles the most with the physical side of her plans, even though she is a very physical individual. she is very open with her body and indulges with the lusts of the flesh, as she sensuality is at the same level as her wickedness. along with this, isla craves for the environment that houses her figure to be pleasant and organized, and can’t stand when things are out of order.

[sophygurl]

Okay I am done with the panel write-up posts and I apologize to all my followers who don’t give a fuck about that kinda thing but WisCon is a big part of my life so I get to totally indulge in it once a year so there. [For anyone wondering this amazing con I keep going on about is a feminist Sci-fi/fantasy con right in my home town and I’ve been going for close to ten years now and it’s like HOME to me]

Gonna post some about the panels I was on, my general con experience this year, and some other stuff under this next read more thingum here. It’ll be more of a personal post than the others. Anything else I write now will be more about fandom-ey stuff that I got up in my feels about and need to hash out. 

BTW though. Hi new followers!! If you’re coming to me due to WisCon specifically or due to my write-up of THAT panel, feel free to introduce yourselves. I use tumblr the most frequently with twitter and FB being a sort of tie for second and DW much more rarely just as an FYI. I’m sophygurl everywhere but FB which is my real name. I’m easily findable and love talking to people! 

So my panels this year were all very different in tone and experience, but all went pretty well? I had fun anyway? I had 4 panels about TV in some way or another and one about Star Wars. Some hinged on serious-ish topics, but I wasn’t on any Serious Business panels this year. 

I wrote up a crap-ton of panel ideas and a lot of them got through. So many that panels I wrote up and wanted to go to were often up against one another and I had to make lots of choices. But it feels really good to me to be involved in that way - in writing up panels, and in being on them, and in going to them and taking notes and writing them up after. There is a lot that I CAN’T do for the con due to my disability stuff. But this is stuff I both can do and enjoy doing so it works out well. I also volunteered to a few people to write up panel descriptions from ideas they have but don’t have fleshed out, so that’s an exciting new thing for me to try out.  So but yea, all five of the panels I was on were panels I also wrote up. 

My first panel was about Women Loving Women on TV. It was me, another panelist, and the moderator. I was a little worried about this panel because the moderator said she was put on the panel by mistake and doesn’t even have a TV (she did fine as a mod - not all mods have to also partake in the talking, they can just ask questions of the panelists), and the other panelist never contacted either of us or showed up for the panel.

Fortunately, I am a well-prepared panelist and felt comfortable talking about this subject for the whole 75 minutes. But then the panel was scheduled against a panel on a similar topic and so anyway - three people showed up for the panel. Fortunately they were kinda fun and engaged people so it became more of a conversational panel than a formal presentation kind and I think it went well? This was my only panel this weekend that I wasn’t the moderator of. 

My next panel was about intersectionality on TV. I was also a lil worried about this one because it was just me and one other panelist, although we had some good chats online before the con so I wasn’t too worried. Fortunately, she convinced a friend to come sit on the panel with us so there was three of us - and both of my panelists had lots of awesome things to contribute. We also had a decent size panel for an evening time slot and got the audience involved too. I pulled one of my goofball tricks and made the audience do a lightning round question of a show they think does intersectionality well and everyone was able to come up with something, which was fun.

Right after that was my panel about SFF sitcoms which was a blast. This was even later in the evening, so we were all really punchy! It was me, a good friend, and another panelist I knew casually before. We wanted lots of audience participation and we got it - getting so many more recommendations than any of the 3 of us had even considered. And since it was a panel about comedies, we really just kinda relaxed and had fun with it.

That was all Friday. Big Day for me.

Saturday night, again a late night slot, I had my Bisexual Representation in TV and Film panel. This one I was not too worried about because I was asked to hand-staff it, since I had strongly suggested the panel be filled with Bi+ folks. So most of the panel was people I already knew and had paneled with before but also I snagged a couple of people I hadn’t previously talked to but who were also awesome.

The panel was in a large room and was fairly full, which I thought was really neat. I had a lot of my own notes on the subject, and did go off on a huge bit about the amazingness of Sara Ramirez and her two bisexual characters, but I also knew from previous convos that my fellow panelists had a lot of interesting things to say and they did not disappoint. It seemed like the audience had a lot of fun and the # for the program was pretty lively, so that’s always a good feeling.

Sunday afternoon was the panel I was MOST excited about. It was all about the themes of The Last Jedi. Like how cool is that? A whole panel not just about the movie in general, but specifically about the THEMES of the movie?! I was pumped that this panel even got through, much less that I got to be on it, much less that I got to moderate it.

And let me tell you something. My panelists? Were amazeballs. Like, the email convos we had ahead of time were already so smart and so nuanced and so full of different ideas and perspectives I was like !!!

And the panel went SO WELL. Like, there was such an equal exchange of like flow and information going back and forth. I feel like I really organized my own thoughts and questions for my panelists well and we all spent the whole panel making grabby hands for the mic because we were all so excited to respond to one another’s thoughts. 

It was FUN and THINKY and I could tell the audience was really engaged and we all laughed and discussed and disagreed and laughed more and it was probably the best time I have ever had on a panel. The #TLJThemes on twitter is just chock-full of both quotes from my awesome panelists and thinky-thoughts from the very smart audience who I sadly did NOT end up having time to get questions or comments from because literally the moment we finally had a pause of any kind? It was right on the dot time for the panel to end LOL. 

So yea, wow, that was just exhilarating? IDK, I am such a nerd.

But yea, so I had everything from 3 audience members to packed rooms and no fellow panelists to crowded tables of excited panelists struggling to get a word in and everything in between and I feel sort of confident that I did well with all of it? So that’s neat. 

Last year I didn’t moderate any of my panels and I found I really missed it, which is why I volunteered to do more moderating this year and it was a Good Life Choice and I plan to do more of it in the future. I adore WisCon for being the kind of place that a basic nobody like myself who has done nothing with her life besides watch a crapton of television can sit on panels and moderate panels and contribute to panels and do things like this that I enjoy and feel like am good at and it’s just such a good. *cuddles the general idea of WisCon*

And beyond the panels - both that I attended and sat on - I had a really wonderful con this year. I was very social and decided to get over my awkwardness and just kinda Utilize my awkwardness because, like, we’re all geeks here so just stop worrying and be a dork and have fun and it worked? I talked to so many people, introduced myself to so many people, made so many connections, hung out more specifically with some of my favorite people, and just sort of made sure to hang out in public spaces and smile a lot and that helped? Who knew. 

There were really only just the three bumps in my otherwise good experience.

1. The panel. If you didn’t already see about this, I attended a panel that very unfortunately derailed into Nazi apologism and it was super gross and upsetting but lots of people spoke up against the panelist in question and the con acted quickly to ban her and are continuing to discuss if she can ever come back so at least that part is good but UGH UGH UGH that was so gross.

2. My laptop broke on me. Fortunately, I have amazing friends and the one I was rooming with doesn’t use hers a ton so she let me use it a lot so I didn’t have to be off-twitter much because a lot of the con happens in the twitter tags and I would have been very sad to miss out on that. I got home and my other amazing friend and roomie helped me get my laptop into the shop quickly and it’s back now which is a huge relief because as a mostly homebound and frankly mostly sofabound extrovert? I need my laptop. I NEED my Laptop. 

3. Life with chronic illness sadly does not stop when you are at an event you love. Even when you save up all your spoons, and spend weeks building up your stamina after a winter of mostly hibernating, and use all of your meds, and allow yourself more caffeine and different foods than usual, and work really hard on self-care. Still, you are chronically ill. 

I am able to push myself a LOT at WisCon because of how it fuels me socially and intellectually and creatively and in so many other ways. But that still only goes so far. And especially with having two late nights on panels - I did not make it to any parties or other late night social events this year. Nor did I make any early morning panels - and there were some I really Really wanted to go to. 

But that’s life and I still got to cram SO MUCH in and spent lots of time in the hot tub soaking and also having poolcon with some amazing folks and had lobbycon and actually made time to have meal/snack times with people instead of just the usual “we should totally make sure to ...”

There were a lot of people I only saw briefly or missed entirely that I’d have loved to have had more time with, but I guess when we finally invent the time turners I can have all that plus go to ALL the panels. 

Oh! And I did go to an amazing reading this year. I often skip readings but I knew a bunch of the people at this one and adore them so I went and it made me feel and think a lot of things and adore these people even more, so there’s that. 

And PHEW I think that’s it. I have tons of thoughts about like, found family and female friendships and stuff mostly about my own amazing platonic poly tribe - some of whom come along to WisCon with me and we get to like BE together in shared living space and then go off and have our own adventures and bond with other people and then introduce one another to those people and it just enhances the whole thing and YAY MY PEOPLE. And uh, yea, one of said peoples who sadly no longer lives in the area just came back over to my place from our other friend’s house and is only going to be here for another day and a half so I’m gonna go run off and spend time with her while I can. 

[beevean]

So what are your overall thoughts on Forces storywise? Positives and negatives? Where do you think the story ranks in the series?

Maybe it’ll be easier to just list positives and negatives (warning: long post):

Positives:

- Even by watching a low-quality stream of the Switch version, I can say the game looks gorgeous. It does suffer a bit from the Adventure 2 syndrome, where the art direction can bet too dull for you to appreciate the graphics, but some stages are breathtaking. Egg Gate in particular looks amazing.

- While the plot on its own doesn’t belong in this section, I appreciate the simple fact that they actually dared to break from the lighter and softer approach that’s been going on since 2010, and the fact that they remembered that the cast isn’t just made of Sonic, Tails, Eggman, Orbot and Cubot. The concept was awesome! The tone was perfect, serious but not depressing and too try-hard! There was some action! It’s a step in the right direction, and I hope people will criticize the plot for the right reasons and not because “lol sonic shouldn’t try to be edgy”.

- Shadow will be playable. Even if he’s at his core “Sonic with a OP Light Speed attack” this is very important.

- While at first I was annoyed at seeing old levels again, I’m actually happy with what they’ve done. They’re not just rehashes, they’re treated like actual dynamic environments. Green Hill is not just “hey remember this level”, it’s a place dear to Sonic that was ruined by Eggman. Chemical Plant is also ruined and repurposed as a space port, almost like a Sonic CD Bad Future. Only the Death Egg is pretty much the same, although I admit, the Classic level using the same gimmicks as the S3&K version was a nice touch that I forgave because it made sense in-universe.

- The dialogue! Aside from a couple of stupid lines, mostly by Sonic, there was no trace of childish, jarring humor, nobody was OOC or treated as simple comic reliefs, and the interactions between characters were genuine and believable. Some parts kinda reminded me of the Boom cartoon. “See, Infinite, now we het to know each other! So what’s your favorite color? Do you enjoy long, romantic walks on the beach? What’s the source of your powers? You can skip the first two questions if you like” “Maybe he’ll have more friends if he stopped talking about himself in the third person.” (maybe I just have a bad sense of humor idk :V)

- Eggman and Knuckles were perfect. We didn’t see them a lot, but their characterization was on point. Knuckles was just full of charisma and he radiated confidence, a far cry from the butt monkey he’s been since Sonic X. And Eggman was actually smart, with some clever ideas like having backup sources for the Phantom Ruby, rightfully chewing out Infinite for not killing Sonic, and… well, we didn’t see it, but I like the idea of him keeping Sonic alive in his cell just so he could see what happened to the world thanks to his absence (that’s perfect fanfic fuel). And Mike Pollock managed to sound badass in certain parts. “The sun will fall upon you. Boom! The end. Your pathetic lives… are over.”

- Speaking of Pollock, the voice acting was some of the best in the games this far. I can count on a single hand the times someone sounded fake or unconvincing (mostly Silver, sadly, and Sonic was a bit oscillating). I think I gushed about Liam O’ Brien enough, he clearly had so much fun with Infinite. I can’t wait to hear the Japanese version

- And finally I love Infinite way more than I should. His design, his voice (especially his voice

- I like that thing Infinite did in Capital City. You know, when he mind raped everyone in the city by conjuring those abominations of nature. That was a clever use of his powers.

- The last shot of the game, with the Resistance hideout shining under the sun’s light and a single flower at the center, with the instrumental version of the credits’ song in the background, is honestly moving. Even after the huge disappointment that was the ending, this part made me feel satisfied and like I accomplished something (and I didn’t even play myself). It reminds me of Wiosna from Katawa Shoujo, and if you played it you know how it feels to hear that music after finishing a route.

Neutral:

- The scrapping of lives. I’ve seen people complaining that it makes the game too easy, but

1) there’s still some punishment if you lose a life, just like in Unleashed the timer doesn’t reset and of course you lose all your Rings, so if you die you can kiss that S rank goodbye;

2) lives have been pointless since the introduction of save files. Let’s be honest, when was the last time you got a game over in a game that saved your progress? And what was the punishment for a game over? At worst you just have to restart the level you died in.

So while I’m not particularly happy, I’m not disappointed either and I welcome the change.

- The music. I put it here because it’s kind of a mixed bag, there are tracks that I hate with a passion and tracks that I can’t get enough of (and I’ve only heard a tiny fraction of the whole OST). So overall I would say it’s average-to-good. 

I really wonder why they’re insisting of forcing Ohtani to compose whole soundtracks - the guy is seriously talented and I admire his work, but why can’t he be helped by someone else? I know Kenichi Tokoi and Naofumi Hataya also worked on the soundtrack, but afaik their roles are minimal.

- The Avatar himself. I’d enjoy the idea a lot more if 1) they talked, and 2) the characters stopped shilling them just a tiny bit, especially since everyone else was relegated to the background. Still, the concept of a muggle wanting to help the heroes is cool, as it goes against that sort of “elitism” in the Sonic series. And I just grew too attached to Gadget the Wolf :)

- The level design, the thing people trashed for months on end… it’s okay. Is it good as Generations’? Absolutely not. Is it bad? I don’t think so, because when I think “bad level design”, I think of Knuckles’ Chaotix and Sonic CD. 

Forces is inoffensive in this regard. On one hand, it’s not as linear as it looked like, there are multiple paths and some nice platforming sections. On the other, the 3D parts are few, short and in general not that engaging, and yes, Classic Sonic’s stages are supported by too much automation because the physics engine can’t handle him apparently. In short, if you’re okay with shallow fun and you thought Colors was fine, then you’ll be okay with Forces. (and while we’re not supposed to judge the developers as people, considering the level designers were all newbies I’d say they did a good job)

Negatives:

- the fact that you can’t recollect your rings unless you’re playing as the hedgehog Avatar. That just flies against the very core of the Rings concept.

- The sheer lack of “show, don’t tell”. Most of this game is just told, in fact most part of the plot is told via walkie talkie convos. The majority of the cast is just there to comment and guide the characters during the levels, only Silver is shown actually doing something. The most offensive example is how Eggman conquering the world is “shown” by a simple text box (people are already speculating it’s another sign of troubled production). And we don’t even see that much of the conquered world, either, aside from City (no seriously that’s the name of the area).

- What happened to you, Tails? What happened to the boy who wanted to be more than Sonic’s sidekick? Why the mere sight of Chaos 0 sends you into a panic when you fought Chaos 4 before? Why thinking Sonic is dead makes you “lose it”, when the same thing happened twice already (or once, if you want to discard ‘06) and in both cases you were devastated but still managed to kick ass? Why are you just an exposition fairy? Who hates you that much in the writers’ team? :(

- THE. RUSHING. Oh my god I could rant for hours about how the game not only is too fast-paced, but outright misses chunkes. I already mentioned the text box part, but what about the part where Infinite sends Sonic and the Avatar into null space… and they get out of there in literally ten seconds? What about Fake!Chaos and Fake!Shadow being dispatched like that, without even the simples of boss fights? What about Silver, Shadow and Omega just appearing out of nowhere? What about the “fake sun” plan being thwarted simply by the Avatar after less than ten minutes? What about the relentless teasing of Infinite’s origins, all culminating in a big fat nothing (he didn’t even take off his mask for fuck sake)? What about Eggman just vanishing after the final boss? What about the fact that two thirds of the final boss are rehashes, and at this point I’m seriously insulted by seeing Egg Nega Wisp for the third time?

- Going hand-to-hand with the rushed plot, the wasted potential. Sonic gets tortured in isolation, so you’d expect some consequences to his characterization. Nope! Not even a reveal that he was just hiding his fear by acting tough. Why are Shadow, Chaos and Zavok on Eggman’s side? Lol, they were just illusions, the real Shadow is fine and the others just don’t appear. All the cool hints about a tragic past for Infinite in his own song? Nothing mentioned in-game. He’s an experiment, that’s it. The connection with Mania? Just an excuse to justify the presence of Classic Sonic, whose only purpose in the plot is to snap Tails out of his depression. This game is just begging, “Rewrite me, please!”, and if I could write decently I’d do it myself, I’m that disappointed.

- What’s the deal with Aqua Road? It’s the only gimmick level in the game and it looks like the unholy child of those horrible bingo tables in Bingo Highway and this part in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban for PC.

- Very minor, but if Eggman could see the fake sun, that means he would’ve been incinerated too. Considering how smart he was otherwise, that seems like a huge hole in his plan.

That’s everything I can think of. So, in conclusion, the game is generally good but overall mixed, and I dread the coming of November 7th because I can’t even imagine the kind of reception this game will get (and since it’ll come right after Super Mario Odyssey I don’t think it will sell well :\). 

I would personally play it if I had the chance because the game doesn’t look broken, boring or frustrating, and if I can manage to have fun with ShTH Forces will definitely be entertaining :V but it’s clear something went seriously wrong during the production and it feels like there are bits of the game missing, bits that could’ve elevated the quality from “good” to “excellent” - which is also why I hope Sonic Team doesn’t throw everything away but keeps the good parts and expands on them to create an even better game next time.

So if you’re planning on getting Forces, ask yourself what do you want to see in a Sonic game, because that’s the thing that makes the difference between “it’s not perfect but I can have fun with this” and “this game is absolute trash and Sonic doesn’t deserve this”.

[multsicorn]

i just really love this play alot ;) okay

Working on the theory that I Deserve To Have Fun (said theory has not been validated and is not ready for prime time discussion), I started watching the bootleg file I have of the OBC of Hamilton this afternoon.  (I downloaded it way back when I was in Hamilton fandom, before I went to go to see the play, and held off on watching it until I'd seen the play for Real, and then didn't particularly feel like it afterwards).

Some thoughts & observations:

[these got long and rambling.  lots of lams-shippiness and multi-shippiness, and gen stuff too]

* This play is really fuckin great.  Like, I've loved fandoms based around deeply mediocre and/or inconsistent canons, (looking at you, Check Please for the first, Glee for the second), and sure the hype around Ham was too big for anything to bear, but… yeah, I just really LOVE this canon, whatever its flaws, with so much heart, on so many levels.

* The staging!!!  I think means a lot here specificially cause I've heard all these songs dozens of times, mostly well over a year ago now, but - once in a while recently again, but in any case, I've done all my analysis picking over the songs, and they're inside me to a large extent.  Whereas much of the staging I only saw once, live.

* (And I had a close-up seat, then, which I paid lots of money for and felt Worth It, but I was so focused on the actors' faces, and so didn't read as much of the overall blocking as maybe I could have).

… anyway ….

"Alexander Hamilton"

* Alex taking off his white coat and putting on the brown coat Eliza gives him feels to me, this time, like he's leaving the world of the dead and coming to life.  Standing out from the crowd - of course - from the ensemble that's all wearing all-white - so he's Setting Out, etc., but also - they're back in all-white at the end, like ghosts.  So.  A sort of leaving the world outside time.

(Speaking of Eliza, there, I still always love the Eliza-Angelica-Laurens sequence in which they give Alex the coat, the book, and the bag.  MY SHIPSSS.  Such parallel!)

(And the bit where Washington's the one who's telling Alex he has to make something of himself! - I know I thought about and maybe posted about these things  back when the Grammy performance happened, but, Anyway.)

ALSO, also, 'you could never learn to take your time' being sung over Alex walking at a deliberately restrained pace to match the choreography on the bridge at the back of the stage so he comes down the stairs on the other side at the right time, is… funny.  Ha.  But the line's still true!  - And I just love how much the ensembles' dancing itself works as scenery.

"Aaron Burr, Sir"

* Alex is SO FUCKING EAGER it's RIDICULOUS he's like a PUPPY all like I CAN FRIEND!?!?

Burr may try to pretend he's not having it but he IS a BIT or he wouldn't invite Alex to have a drink etc. and… I love.

And then, every single time I hear the little line not-actually-exchange:

Burr: Fools who run their mouths off wind up dead

Laurens, in his first line in real time: What time is it?  (Showtime!)

Burr: Like I said…

I say, RUDE.

Although honestly - Burr is totally into Alex's ridiculous eagerness, like I said, he's coming closer, he admits something personal, he invites Alex out for a drink, it's not as obvious as Alex (cause he's just not) - and it's pretty RUDE ;), too of the revolutionary trio, from Burr's POV, to by their loudness and brashness and total lack of caution get in the middle of what was just shaping up to be possibly a Great Friendship.  So he can be forgiven for Harbinger of Dooming ;).

“My Shot” & "The Story of Tonight”

* As in most of Alex's interactions with the Gay Trio (Quartet!), I keep switching back and forth between LAMS IS REALLLL (it was, historically) (I wouldn't see it, though, I think, if I didn't know), and just ALEX IS A BI HUMAN DISASTER CUDDLING UP TO EVERY FRIEND HE MAKES.  Like, there's considerably More random arm-and-shoulder touching between Laurens and Alex than everyone else?  "You and I, do or die," (I do die!), and then they split up to each touch another dude, and in a slightly later verse Laurens is back again… oh, no, that 'back again' is "raise a glass to the four of us," BOTH TIMES, cause it has to be, ha.  You can say 'to the two of us,' Laurens, it's okay!  … But, like, otoh, "hard rock like Lancelot, I think your pants look hot, Laurens I like you a lot," is totally Alex flirting with these three dudes he just met all in the space of three lines.  It's great is what I'm saying.  Also Alex could use a positive setting towards people that's not 'will you be my friend and also get in my pants.'

The narrative of the song here, with the rest of the Revolutionary Quartet listening to Alex sceptically for his first few verses till they're impressed - I love the way that Laurens is his first and loudest and most consistent cheerleader ("shout it to the rooftops!"), hey, listen to this guy speak, the way that Alex LOOKS LIKE he's on a soapbox when he literally is, how that evokes the physicality of speaking to the crowd, and how his mind shoots three steps ahead of the present, and, yeah, okay, I just love the Alex/Laurens dynamic most of all, (cause I'm biased ;)), the way that Lauren's idealistic speaking ('raise a glass to freedom,' and, um, what was the start of his verse in My Shot?  whatever it was) makes Alex ~Look at him, and the way he's kinda just looking at Alex all the time.  Walking off arm-in-arm is SO they are together, okay.

(…. there are ten thousand more things in these songs, of course, but this is a post about My FEELINGS.)

“The Schuyler Sisters”

* The sibling back-and-forth dynamic here is just so freaking delightful to watch, it's so complicated, I can FEEL it.  Like, it feels like my sister and me (despite me only having the one)… Eliza going back and forth between Peggy and Angelica, how she's not just the middle sister in age, but she's trying to get Peggy to go along with Angelica's scheme, asking questions of and playing backup to Angelica, just - and the whole "mind at work" thing is perfect and Meaningful too, of course.  But what's harder to talk about here is the sibling dynamics, leading and restraining and following and conciliating, and it's displayed so well in the blocking and acting - and also, I can see how this Eliza falls for and enchants Alex.

Angelica has center stage for most of it, but I love the way Eliza takes center stage for a little bit - and when she does it's not about "work" anymore, but about HOW LUCKY WE ARE TO BE ALIVE RIGHT NOW, which feels kinda painfully and naively optimistic nowadays but… I do believe it's still true, in exactly the same way that I always did, in the same way that line works in the play, recurring even in the worst times.  We're lucky to be alive at any time - there's still so much good in the world, people to love, and work to do.  ("Joy is deliberate.")  And Eliza's pulling focus for a sec to be HEY GUYS ISN"T THIS SO MUCH FUN, before ceding it (joyfully, too, imo!) to Angelica's Things To Do!

Also the particular choreography of the way they three of them spin almost-in-place but trading places?  I can't even figure out what it is, but I'm obsessed with it permanently.

“Farmer Refuted"

* The way that Laurens, Mulligan, and Lafayette all cheer Alex on, and maybe try to restrain him a little, but mostly just cheer him on, is both super fun to watch, and even more fun if you have shipping goggles, so it turns into LOOK HOW GREAT OUR BOYFRIEND IS.  Fun!  I'm just saying.  Come for the story about ambition, stay for the compersion.

Also I would like to note with appreciation Laurens' arm around Aaron Burr at the start of this song, as well as his approach to Burr at the start of "My Shot" - like, dude, he totally had a thing for Burr before he met Alex, but Burr was Not Having it, too hotheaded!  Idk it just amuses me that's all.

And notice how Alex waits to jump in till he has his reply READY~, he's mile-a-minute, yes, but he takes the time he needs to PREPARE for that.

“You’ll Be Back”

* J. Groff is the one original cast member I didn't see, when I went to see the play live, and he is Really Delightful here.  Great play of the madness, the pouting, the playfulness that's actually danger, etc.  Only thing is that I always feel like those "da da da da" choruses sound like they ought to have a classic chorus line kick!  But you couldn't do that with a single person, it would just look ridiculous, and the single-ness vs. ensemble-ness of King George works so well for thematic reasons… but is it still ridiculous to say they have a chorus line kick SOUND in my head?  Because they do.

“Right Hand Man”

* I just love so much how they create an action scene in a song!!!  You might think it wouldn't work, but it DOES, all you need is a few lines describing the back-and-forth progress of a battle.  Just enough.

Why does Washington send Burr away?  You really can't tell!  And I think that works, that ambiguity, no one knows - Burr certainly doesn't know, so that feeling of unfairness festers.  But sometimes you're just not what someone wants, and I think history backs that up too…

That whole little sequence of "how come no one can get you on their staff" (it's one of those lines where the double entendre does really good work, cause WHAT IF he was saying that, right), from Hamilton asking "have I done something wrong, Sir," to making that Decision, with the chorus rising shouting in the background, "I am not throwing away my shot," but would taking the pen be taking the shot or throwing it away - it's the most fraught thing in the musical so far!  And that's a huge part of why I love this musical SO DAMN MUCH, in addition to the way it creates its own vernacular, the complex personal relationships, etc., is how the story of ambition and Doing The Work, is put above everything else.  A promotion with ambiguous risks and rewards Is the most fraught thing in life… the hardest decision to make… I love.  And how Alex wants to fight, and also he's wary of being under command in this particular way, but the moment, the very moment he takes the pen he's charging ahead nonstop again.  "Write to Congress, tell 'em we need supplies," of course all the work he does here is over-simplified, it'd have to be to fit in any way, but… getting support out of Congress was actually one of the more challenging aspects of the war, and something Alex worked on a lot!

Also I love the random shoulder-clasp between Alex and Laurens right before Washington announces Alex as his right-hand man, precisely because it's so seemingly purposeless, like… it's a congrats, man?  Sure.  But also we just have to touch each other at least once a song, it's like, required.  Thank <3.

And overall this whole number, Washington's entrance, etc., and… really just the whole play!  Yeah it's genuinely Quality, it's layered, you can talk about technical or literary aspects, but watching for the first time in A While and just being carried along by the spectacle as much as the story?  It's so Drama, so Extra, it's great.

... and this is only the first third or so of the first act, ha.  To be continued in another post.  Perhaps.

[therosewoods]

you've been pretty quiet about the whole ptv thing and the drama with mike. what are your thoughts about it? you used to be a big ptv blog, right?

lol yes is definitely used to be a ptv blog!! 

ok so i’ve been pretty vocal about this on my twitter and my private instagram account (as well as in my real life lol) but you’re right i haven’t really said anything here. i don’t really have a reason for that, i just haven’t had the motivation to write out a big post since my opinion is very much out there on other platforms. that being said, i will throw in my thoughts now that i’ve been asked about them:

okay, so like you mentioned, i was a HUGE ptv fan. i still very much am, but it used to be my entire life. these guys are the reason i’m in the scene at all and they were my first ever concert. i’ve been listening to them for nearly five years (seventh grade to junior in high school). i’ve seen them live ten times and i’ve saved every piece of confetti and every ticket i’ve ever gotten from going to their shows. i even have tony’s pick (which i picked up from the ground and stuck IN MY MOUTH so i wouldn’t lose it until i got to my hotel room) so, huge fan right? right. 

just before all of this happened, i saw them at the same place, same festival i saw them at for the first time, over four years ago. i was on top of the world bc this show reminded me again how much of a ride or die i am for these guys. with all of the shit about gross band guys coming out, i though about how lucky i was that this would never happen to my band (lol). like, i’ve always thought that i was lucky this way, bc when all of that shit with front porch step back in the day, ptv were my guys and they’d never done anything wrong up to that point so i was okay. 

then this stuff with mike happened. i saw someone vague tweet about it, so i was confused and i had to dig through twitter to find the original post. when i read it, i felt sick. at first i completely doubted it, but as i kept re-reading it and going through the thread, the more i started to believe it. i didn’t want to think that someone i loved for so long could be so irresponsible, but it kind of added up to me. 

my school has late starts on wednesday, so instead of going in at 8 like i usually do, i went in at like 9:30. and i was so sick and upset that i ended up going home early bc i just… couldn’t handle it. like… one of my favorite people was now completely different to me and i couldn’t deal. 

now, one thing that really bothered me about this whole thing was how long it took them (or anyone else!*) to make a statement. I completely understand that it does take time for people to release statements, but in my opinion this took too long. i mean i can somewhat understand because it was around thanksgiving but it REALLY rubbed me the wrong way when they were posting about their black friday sales while keeping the whole situation hush, hush. it may have been their team doing that for them, but it looked really shady and like they were brushing this under the rug so as not to interfere with the most profitable time of the year.

*and what i mean by “or anyone else!” is that Alternative Press, Kerrang!, and Rock Sound did not say ANYTHING about this situation until AFTER the statement came out. with other bands in the scene, they write articles almost immediately and update their readers as more information comes out, and then once a band finally releases a statement, they end with that. but they didn’t do anything with pierce the veil. the only websites i found talking about this was tiny underground music blogs that gain no traction and that i had to DIG to find. again, this makes it look shady and like they’re deliberately sweeping things under the rug. i don’t want to outright accuse them of doing that or anything, but it definitely looked bad.

anyway, i worried myself sick waiting for their statement. i checked literally every day and it was the biggest thing on my mind. i found out that they released a statement when someone on twitter posted about it. now, (and again this is gonna be over thinking things, blah, blah) but it does bother me a LITTLE that they only posted this on their facebook (and have since deleted the post), as a lot of people don’t use facebook. it would have reached more people if they had posted a link to the statement on their twitter and released the statement in full on their tumblr page (also pls feel free to correct me if they did post it on their tumblr and have since deleted it! i just can’t find it rn so maybe they did? idk.) because again, it makes it look like they are hiding this and deliberately making sure that it reaches less people. the only way i found the post was going to the Alt. Press twitter and scrolling down to find the like they posted. (which i have now noticed seems to be missing from their website…)

now, i don’t really have many issues with the statement, other than the fact that the way they worded it makes it sound like mike could be allowed back in the band. “So, I have decided to take a break and step away from my position in the band..,” and, “While away from the band…” these two phrases make it sound like he will come back, which, in my opinion, is a horrible move and could seriously jeopardize their careers. 

i mean, honestly, how many parents are going to allow their kids to go to these shows now that they know the drummer has been accused of sleeping with a minor? there is seriously no fucking way my parents are letting me go to their shows, and these are two people who have loved ptv along with me for years. it just doesn’t seem appropriate to have him back when the majority of their fanbase is the age the girl he “dated” was, or younger. also, doing so would completely change the dynamic of their tours. if he’s let back in, you can kiss meet and greets and fans pulled up on stage for Bulletproof, goodbye. those things won’t happen or be acceptable anymore. 

mike is one person of a four-piece band, and he is not the lead singer. yes, it is difficult because he is vic’s brother, and he is and incredible drummer, but he is replaceable. it would be ridiculous to allow him to ruin their careers, and if he truly cares about the other three in the band, he will permanently step away from the band so as not to tarnish their reputations as well. i sincerely doubt that at this point in time he needs the money he would get from being an active member in the band, and i’m sure that they would be more than capable of working out some sort of deal where he can still make a living off of his contributions to the band.

now, for all of the shitty comments that people give in order to justify his actions:

1) i do not care if the age of consent in [INSERT RANDOM COUNTRY/STATE NAME HERE] is lower than 18. in california, where this situation took place, the legal age of consent IS 18. Maybe you disagree with that, but the law in this state clearly states that it is illegal for an adult to be engaged in sexual acts with a minor. also, the way people are raised in different countries can be completely different to how they’re raised in a place like california. not to mention that even if this is the case, it still doesn’t automatically make it right for an adult to date a teenager.

2) stop bringing up the fact that vic and danielle have a ten year age difference. yes, they met when she was 18, but she was of age, and they weren’t in a committed relationship until she was twenty. this argument is void. next,

3) why would this girl be bringing this to light solely because she was jealous of him and was upset that their relationship had ended? wouldn’t she have done that as soon as they had ended things? also, how would she have known that they’d be at the height of their career right now? did you truly believe that 10 years ago, she thought to herself, “in 10 years i’ll get back at him for breaking my heart because that’s when they’re be really big” ??? like, they would have broken up around the time that their second album was coming out, and they were nowhere near the level of fame they are now. how was she to know that they’d be bigger than just some little local band who were barely making a name for themselves? come on.

4) you can support the band without supporting mike. they are not less of a band without him and they should not be reduced to having to live with his actions haunting them. supporting the other members of the band doesn’t automatically mean that you condone Mike’s actions. but it also doesn’t make you less any of a fan to not want him back. 

5) i dont care if you were 14 when you started dating your 20 year old boyfriend or whatever and so you think this was okay. it’s not and i’m sorry that your adult partner thinks it’s cool to date kids.

6) no, i do not believe that he is some evil, horrible, monster of a person. but i still don’t want him back in the band. he did something incredibly irresponsible and damaging some time ago, and these are his consequences. i believe that what he did was wrong, and i do not want him back. there is not changing my mind on this and if he is allowed back, i can no longer support the band. it breaks my heart to even think about that, but that is the way it has to be for me. here’s to hoping that it doesn’t have to come to that, but only time will tell.