#I literally had no idea what you were talking about for a second there
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You are a sheep.
You have been in the form of a sheep ever since you came to the Devildom. It can be quite inconvenient at times, but life finds a way.
This particular morning, you were awoken in the early hours of the morning by an odd murmur. It was impossible to gauge the time, given the Devildom's eternal night, but something instinctual told you it was too early for whatever nonsense was about to happen.
Fighting your heavy eyelids, you turned your head. Seven demons were sitting on the floor beside your bed, staring at you.
"You're awake!" Leviathan proclaimed.
"I told you the noise would wake them," Lucifer sighed.
"We were being quiet, though," Belphegor remarked.
"Good morning, sunshine!" Asmodeus greeted you.
"Shut it! It's happenin'!" Mammon caused the room to go silent again.
If you've learned anything in the Devildom, it's that even sheep deserve privacy. You dragged yourself into a sitting position and bleated, "what's happening?"
"We're checking the weather," Satan informed you.
"It's a tradition of sorts," Beelzebub explained.
"Can't you do that... literally anywhere else?" The second half of your question got obscured by a yawn, but you were sure you made your point. "What time even is it?"
"It's 6:03," Leviathan said.
"In the morning? Are you guys kidding me?"
As you sighed a grumpy sigh and rubbed the sleep from your eyes, Satan called your name.
"What?"
"Have you checked your shadow?" he asked.
"Huh? What do you mean, checked it?"
"Did you see it?" Belphegor asked.
"My shadow?" There was hardly any light, let alone light strong enough to cast a shadow on your bed. You twisted your neck to look around. "I have no idea what you're talking about..."
"No shadow!" Mammon exclaimed, so loud you almost fell over again.
Lucifer nodded his head, hand placed thoughtfully on chin. "Spring will likely come early this year. I'll inform Diavolo."
Asmodeus launched himself at your spot on the bed. Before you could stop him, he had you lifted in the air. "You're the best!"
Everybody clapped. Leviathan was going on about "the springtime of youth" finally arriving, while Beelzebub said they'd all have to get hot pot one last time before it went out of season. Important context about what just happened was clearly missing, but you've learned that sometimes you need to just go with the flow.
You dangled ragdoll-style from Asmodeus' hands while he did a little dance and wondered if they'd all let you go back to sleep.
You know they won't. Happy Groundhog Day! Looks like irl we've got 6 more weeks of winter.
#i churned this out in... 25 minutes? no proofreading no research only the spirit of phil to guide us lets go#obey me#obey me!#omswd#obey me shall we date#obey me scenarios#obey me x mc#obey me crack#obey me drabble#obey me writing#obey me fanfic#obey me brothers#obey me mc#sheep mc#obey me fanfiction#obey me fandom
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the one where the stranger you fake date turns out to be your childhood friend (m) Teaser
A Valentine collaboration hosted by @camandemstudios and their masterlist
Pairing: office manager!seungcheol x childhood friend!fem!reader Genre: romcom, smut, fluff, slight angst Teaser word count: 1.2k rating: R Summary: In a world where relationships mattered just as much as money or status did, Seungcheol found himself wrapped up with a person from twenty years ago. He didn't know how you remembered him, and frankly he didn't know how he remembered you, but the way you've reentered his life, like a gust of wind, he didn't think he'll ever forget you now.
The crowd of Seungcheol’s colleagues all started harmoniously greeting you, their eyes lighting up and genuine smiles forming for the first time since encountering their superior outside the office. You were quick to entertain them, never leaving Seungcheol’s side as his arm essentially became a leash, lugging the thirty-year-old man around like a purse dog, and being at the receiving end, he was too stunned to object.
“Hi, you must work with this guy right here,” you grinned, nudging into Seungcheol with the crown of your head.
“How do you know Mr. Choi, Miss…” Jihoon began to ask, curiosity radiating off of him as much as it did everyone else.
“Well,” you took Seungcheol’s hand out of his pocket, interlocking your fingers together, earning a bigger reaction than a simple thousand-yard stare from the office manager. “I’m Seungcheol’s girlfriend.”
Everyone involved in the conversation stared at you as if you had grown a second head and Seungcheol looked at you as if you had grown a third.
[…] It’s when he realized for once in his life he feared someone, and it was this smiley little creature that lied through their teeth as easily as they breathed.
“Okay looks like it's all good. Looks like we can finally be in business. What will be our first move, considering you are the first to have proposed the idea?”
“Yes, well, that will be the office party the company is hosting. Usually, everyone is required to attend, and I've skipped many events like it–”
“And you want me to come with you to make you look good for your team?”
“No, I want to make you an excuse so I don’t have to go.”
You furrowed your brows. “That’s counterproductive. Literally the opposite of what I’m here for.”
“But neither of us would have to go.”
Your fingers curled up into your palms, forming halfhearted fists before you unfurled them, trying to cherry-pick the right words to get through this tinman’s head. “You have to realize that simply having a girlfriend is not enough for people to like you. It’s about talking you up, showing off your redeeming qualities. Getting people to understand Seungcheol the person, not Seungcheol the boss.”
“Are you proposing I have no redeeming qualities?”
“You were trying to use me as an excuse to avoid going to a company party. What were you going to do with that time on your own?”
“That’s none of your concern.”
“This is exactly why you need my help, Cheol,” you reminded, feeling like you’re lecturing a cat about not scratching up the couch.
He gave a light grimace, “You don’t need to call me that childish abbreviation. I have a whole name.”
You leaned over from your seat, staring over at him wide eyes, fluttering your lashes and feigning a lovestruck grin. “I need to give you a nickname if we’re dating. What about Babe? Baby? Honey? Lover?”
“Seungcheol is just fine,” he answered, unaffected, not bothering to look past his laptop.
Your smile dropped in an exaggerated scowl as you pulled yourself back down, crossing your arms. “How have your other girlfriends dealt with you?”
Seungcheol suddenly had nothing else to say, his eyes started darting everywhere but you, leaning back against the booth and preoccupying his mouth with his scalding hot vanilla latte.
Your eyes narrowed at him suspiciously as the silence persisted and the click-clacking of his keyboard, “Seungcheol, you have dated before, right?”
His eyes flitted back to you like a flickering flame before it went out, directing themselves back to his laptop, typing away at something at a more urgent pace, or looking as if he did.
“Oh my god. You haven’t.”
“Silence,” he finally said.
“You…You haven’t been on a date with anyone? With a woman? Or even a man?”
He rolled his eyes, groaning under his breath. “Don’t make a scene.”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” you reassured, “of course, I'm just very surprised…and confused. For 30 years of your life?”
“It was never something I prioritized.”
“Middle school. High school. College,” you began listing off.
“I went to an all boys school, and college does not leave much time for dating when you’re getting your Bachelor’s and Master’s.”
You waved your hands bizarrely. “So what? You worked your entire life?”
“Yes.”
“…Hmm.”
“What?”
Curiosity killed the cat, so the cat never came to know Seungcheol and apparently he never came to know the cat. “So if you’ve never been on a date, your intimate life…?”
He raised his brow, and sighed, realizing he was doing that a lot today. He closed his laptop, placing his hands neatly in his lap. “That goes without saying, but yes. I haven’t been intimate with anyone.”
“Right,” you responded, processing the information in real time.
“Are we done here? Is this game of 101 questions over with?”
“Just one more.”
“What?”
“What are you so big for then?”
“They’re watching…” He sang, eyes glazing over off in the distance.
You slightly turned your head to watch his view, seeing a few of your friends off in the distance, coming from the beach or slightly in view from the poolside, that could easily catch you in whatever act you and Seungcheol looked like you were up to. However, at this point, everyone seemed to be in their own world, talking, laughing, minding their own businesses. You weren’t sure if it mattered.
You snickered, resting your hands on his shoulders and readjusting your knees as they dug into the seat cushions. “You’re gonna go this far?”
“Yep. I have to look like a good boyfriend.”
You squinted at him suspiciously. “You had a lot to drink, didn’t you?”
“I don’t know?” He mumbled dumbly, his dimple indented extra deep.
You shook your head in disbelief, dipping your head forward and momentarily colliding with his in a headbutt. You reacted as expected, rubbing your forehead at the slight ache you caused, but from the lack of tact of the receiver, your assumptions were true. “You're so drunk right now.”
His hand rose to your hair, patting it down before finding your ear. As he thumbed over the curve of the helix, he could feel the heat bloom between his fingers. “You look so pretty right now.”
“Cheol,” you tried getting up, but he sat you back down, gripping you by your hips until they met his.
“Stay,” he quietly pleaded, his eyes glistening under the moonlight staring back at you with utter need that you have no choice but just melt right back in his touch.
You couldn’t believe the situation happening right now, and neither could your heart in your chest as it started beating at twice its usual rate. All you could focus on was his hands as they traveled up your body, skimming through the thin fabric of your shirt, following up your spine as he let out soft, ragged breaths.
You pressed the pads of your fingers a little deeper into the meat of his shoulders, “S-Seungcheol–”
“Do you know what will really convince them?” His voice is unrecognizable, deep and indulgent.
You made the ghost of a whimper as a finger travelled back down your body as you responded earnestly. “I don’t think we have to do much more convincing. I think they believe us when we say we’re a couple.”
“But you know what will really convince them though?”
You were scared to even ask, thinking a single word would burst this bubble you have no idea how you got caught in. “What?” you asked softly.
#thediamondlifenetwork#scoups smut#seungcheol smut#seventeen smut#Choi Seungcheol smut#seungcheol#choi seungcheol#seventeen#seventeen fanfic#seventeen x reader#seungcheol x reader#seungcheol x you#seungcheol x y/n#seventeen x you#seventeen x y/n#choi seungcheol smut#scoup smut#scoups#seventeen seungcheol#seventeen scoups#svt#scoups fanfic#seungcheol fanfic
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Do you think the people could have won the Sunshot Campaign against the Wens without Wei Wuxian's ghost cultivation?
I have seen many fics with this idea, saying how what Wei Wuxian did was unnecessary, but I feel like those fics tend to depict Wei Wuxian as the "self-sacrificing" idiot which I loathe so much.
I feel like they would have lost imo. Not saying Lan Wangji, Nie Mingjue, and Lan Xichen are weak, but there's only so much they can do against an entire behemoth like the Wens. Not to mention the amount of territory they have lost to the Wens. What they lacked were numbers, and Wei Wuxian's cultivation quickly fixed that problem.
(So, I'm going to disclaimer this that this is probably going to be a heavily unpopular opinion and hey fair, but this is just what I came away with):
I think fandom makes Wei Wuxian a power fantasy trip in fics that just aren't to a realistic standard that we are shown by proxy of the plot we are given, Wei Wuxian's own character and thematics.
What won the war was dirty tricks. Wei Wuxian only provided very tentative sustainability and was able to recover one of the Jianghu's limbs that was ready to fall off (Yunmeng Jiang). Yunmeng Jiang had barely any man power behind it after Lotus Pier was taken hostage, aside from Wei Wuxian's control of fallen Wen soldiers they fought and Yunmeng Jiang survivors not present at the massacre. He was constrained to Jiang Cheng's side via duty of being his right hand and there is no reason tor him to not be with Yunmeng Jiang war efforts. Which means his usage of jiangshi was to the exclusivity of Yunmeng Jiang battles.
He was not a leader and Jiang Cheng certainly wasn't going to throw what was his best asset into the thick of it when they had the chance to make the clan survive. As you said, Wei Wuxian is not self sacrificial and he explicitly says this as well in the original draft of the novel during the Guanyin Confession.
Wei Wuxian did not have the time to make a mass army of corpses. That would have taken years upon years with him the one alone even trying to do that. Remember the anti Wei Wuxian talk point of: He's using Grandma's dead body, but he certainly wasn't about to make jiangshi out of their own allies as that would have been out of character for him, and grounded fodder for clans to use against him even sooner than when he protected the Wen Remnants. He was also accused of this plan by the Jins and Jin Guangyao is the one to actually amass an army of hundreds of jiangshi over thirteen years to attack the other clans during the second seige for the damage needed to be an immediate threat.
Wei Wuxian did not have the actual resources to even think or want to do that as that takes a very cruel mind to come up with a plan like that. He also did what he set out to do, which was take the seat of Yunmeng Jiang back for Jiang Cheng by killing the ones that took it in the first place. Wei Wuxian was not what turned the tide of the war or what ended it. Even with him making Wen soldier Jiangshi in his own battles, it would still have been chipping at a mountain with all the other ground the Wens had. There were three other sects that Wei Wuxian did not have a duty to and were also struggling to maintain their own. Nie Mingjue did claim Bujing Shi by his own clan mettle to consolidate the other clans into something more organized. Even with Wei Wuxian the war was still in the thick of the clans not having the better hand regardless, just surviving.
What upheavals the war was Jin Guangyao ingratiating himself to Wen Ruohan (Who ironically elevated Wen Zhuliu as well as a prominent soldier despite both being commoners) and was named a torturer. Due to Jin Guangyao being able to get that close to Wen Ruohan, into his inner palace he was literally able to cut off the head of the war maker. But again, it takes a very cruel mind to have the tenacity to plan that out, manipulate, kill allies to be able to have the chance to do that. Jin Guangyao also coveted prestige and power something Wei Wuxian did not ever show interest in.
#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#wei wuxian#I hate jin guangyao#jin guangyao stans block me (。・ω・。)#I wrote this before going into work#there's a bit I would like to expand on here but this is the basic points
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Born Too Late - Chapter 13
pairing/au: neighbor!joel x reader // no outbreak
Warnings: so much fucking angst it literally isnt funny. soft!joel
Summary: You're embarking on a journey of self discovery. Of things that make YOU feel good. Like setting boundaries, and getting your dream job! But that means leaving Sarah, and Joel. You actively don't think about it, until you have to. (1.7k+)
a/n: okay so shoutout to @frankensteingotwet because their vision literally inspired this chapter. ive been so down the dumps w this fic because of many reasons and im so sorry this took so long. but, if you've stuck around this long, this ones for you too. leave a like or a comment or a reblog, they mean the world. love u all bunches xoxoxo ps still figuring out writing from other POVs and boarders. :P bear with me pps didnt proof this so sorry for any errors :/
Chapter 12 - Masterlist - Chapter 14 (coming soon)
boarders: @evansyhelp
It’s been a few months since the fallout with Joel and things are relatively the same. Every so often there's muffins on the porch or you bring Sarah home, but you leave his spare key under the flowerpot and you don’t go out of your way to speak to him.
You try to tell yourself you’re healing. You tell yourself that in order to heal you need to take more time. More time to think, more time to find yourself. But what you’ve actually done is build a wall. A wall so tall and so thick that not even the Romans themselves could conquer it. A wall so strong that a meteor would barely scratch its surface.
But despite that big ass wall, you’re trying to get back out there. You’re trying to fix the shit that you didn’t even break. Trying to be better for yourself. You’ve gone on a handful of dates but none of them made it past the first one. The first guy, Bryan, wouldn’t shut the fuck up about how damaged he was from his ex, and the second guy, Carter, didn’t talk at all. The third? You don’t even remember his name because he didn’t show. Or at least you don't think he did. You sat alone at the bar 15 minutes past when he was supposed to get there before you blocked his number and left. Men these days make you want to become a fucking nun.
Work is fine, and you still occasionally bring Sarah home but don’t stick around for casual conversation. You don't ask how he is or about his recent jobs. You decline many coffee invitations, and leave little room for misinterpretation. You might be trying to get back out there, but not with him.
The more you think about your relationship(?) with Joel, you want to smack yourself. It’s like you had red fucking glasses on and couldn’t see the flags. But you were no saint either, which is why you don’t think it will ever work. There's too much shit that you both did that screams “WE ARE SO TOXIC, ESPECIALLY TO EACH OTHER!”
Your most recent life development has been preparing to take the middle school social studies Praxis exam, your dream job. And you’ve told no one. Not even Penny. Again, “protecting your peace” or whatever self-help journey you think you’re on.
After months of studying, you take the Praxis. And you pass. With flying fucking colors. Your excitement can’t be contained and you call Penny. She answers after 2 rings.
“My sweet Yellow!! How are you?!” she basically screams into the phone.
“So good Pen. You have no idea!” you pause, barely able to get the words out.
“I passed my test! My test to teach middle school social studies-”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” She screams so loud you have to pull the phone away from your ear.
“I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SEE HOW ELEMENTARY WAS? REGARDLESS.. AHHHH!! YELLOW I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!”
“I know I know!! I considered it but I really want a change, and I want it now. I think it’ll be good for me. I'm even considering taking a position at the charter school which means I’ll have to possibly move so I'm not driving a borderline 40 minutes to work everyday but I'm excited.” you say, feeling like this is the first right decision you’ve made since you moved here.
“You know I support you, no matter what. But…” she trails off
“Spit it out Pen. You’re making me nervous.” You say, chuckling in both joy and anxiety.
“But… I’ll be moving back at the end of July. I'm going to finish my doctorate at UT Austin. I love Ireland so much but with everything going on at home with moms health and being far from my friends, I just think it's time for me to come home.” she says, more cheery than you’d expect.
“I haven't really figured out the logistics yet, but I’ll definitely be back. I found an apartment that's about halfway between my moms and campus.”
You speak lightly, empathy lining every word. “Oh Pen, I'm so sorry. I know how much Ireland means to you.”
“Hey, I got all my clinical shit done so really all that's left is my dissertation. But I’ve got to finish some stuff up here before I head out for the evening. I'm so glad you called. We have so much to catch up on. I'll text you, and we can schedule something, kay? I love ya. Soooooo so much.”
“I love you too Pen!” you say, clicking the phone shut.
You accept the position at the charter school and inform your current school that you won’t be returning. It feels like a weight off your chest, knowing that you’ll soon be in a new town miles and miles from here. But your stomach churns at the thought of having to tell Joel, having to tell Sarah. Be away from Sarah. From Joel. But you’re healing. You’re getting the fuck over it.
The rest of the school year flies by. Everyday is like the last. Wake up, go to work, take Sarah home occasionally and avoid small talk with Joel, maybe eat, sleep, repeat. You browse newspapers and websites for homes to rent, not finding anything worth calling about. You start to worry the closer to July you get but push it to the back of your mind.
With one week of school left, your kids are beyond done. They’re so mentally checked out from school it's like having 23 little zombies everyday. On the last day, you receive that same “Hey works running late, can you hang with Sarah?” text from Joel and the answer is always the same bland “Of course!”.
You guys jam out to Sum 41 on the way home and do all the basics; homework, some version of spa day, dinner, and a movie.
You both fall asleep on the couch watching Freaky Friday, and don’t even notice Joel come in. Sarah is splayed across the couch, her head using your thigh as a pillow and her feet hanging off the edge. You have your hand sitting on her head, fingers nestled in her hair like she's a baby needing the external stimuli to fall asleep.
*Joel's POV*
Things never really changed after that last conversation, and her words play in Joel’s head like a broken record, stuck skipping on the same groove over and over. “Joel, respectfully, you were an ass to me the day we met. You don’t treat someone you care about this much, like that”. It makes him want to punch a wall every goddamn time he thinks about it, because she's right. He was an ass.
But on that night, the night on her porch, he was vulnerable. Soft. Like a butterfly on its first day out of the cocoon. But her blinds never opened back up. And she never took the key, never accepted coffee dates, and never stuck around for banter after Sarah was asleep. It hit him like a ton of fucking bricks everytime he saw her.
Especially when he saw her leave at night in mini-skirts and heels, knowing that someone else was getting to see her. Getting to touch her porcelain skin. Kiss her strawberry lips. Run their fingers through her walnut colored locks. It made him spiral, but she said she needed space. But how much space is too much? How much before she's gone for good? He wishes he knew. But for now, even just seeing you for 5 minutes when he gets home late will be enough. It has to be.
It’s been months and he’s trying to accept the new normal. But when he comes home and Sarah is splayed across the couch with head in your lap and your fingers tangled in her coils, it shoots a wave of pain and agony through his once strong body. His eyes overflowed at the sight. How could he fuck up something so goddamn perfect? Despite anything you ever did, it would never compare to the shit he put you through. He felt like he was drowning, and needed to calm himself down. He quietly sneaks off to his bathroom and tries to wash away the negative thoughts running rampant through his mind.
He throws on some sweatpants and a t-shirt, combing his chocolate curls from his eyes. Walking out, his steps echo through the house. The TV must've auto shut off and the only sound heard is the hum of the refrigerator mixed with the soft snores of his 2 favorite girls. He dreads having to disturb either of you. You both look so peaceful, holding onto each other like your lives depend on it. He rubs his thumb across your cheek, soft as not to wake you. Knowing it would only cause more turmoil. He sighs, scooping Sarah off your lap. You barely stir, mumbling softly as Joel carries Sarah to her room. He comes back and you’re burrowed into the couch, your hair covering your eyes.
*Readers POV*
“Hey” Joel whispers, standing over you, but you don’t move.
He crouches down so he's now eye level with her “Sweet girl, I’m home”
“Yellow? You gotta wake up. Sarahs already in bed.” He says, a little louder this time, rubbing your shoulder, your skin so hot it makes him feel like he’s going up in flames. His heart is full of desire, and regret.
You stir, eyes crinkling open. “Hey Joel. Where’s Sarah?” your voice groggy and light. His heart melting at the mere sound of it.
“I took her to bed, ya both were knocked out on the couch.” he says, flashing you a quick smile.
She stretches, becoming more conscious as the seconds pass.
And then it hits you. The thought of having to tell Joel that you’re moving makes your stomach churn, but it needs to be done. You want him to have time to arrange her transportation next year.
“Joel?” you ask, your mouth salivating because of how nauseous you are.. “Can we talk?” you say, sitting up.
“Always. I actually need to ask you something too.” He sits beside you, but not too close. His honey brown eyes meeting yours, looking at you rather than through you.
You both sit in silence, just staring. And almost as if the same spit it out bug bites you both in the ass at the same damn time,
“I’m moving.” “Can you keep Sarah for me some days this summer?”
And a singular tear rolls down Joel’s cheek.
#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller fic#last of us#neighbor joel x reader#neighbor joel#pedro pascal#joel miller x you#the last of us#neighbor!joel#joel x reader#daddy joel#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller x f!reader#my writing
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almost came out to my sister today except she was on speakerphone with her husband so that did NOT happen lmao
#nothing against my BIL i just. want to keep it to the people i trust most in my family for now.#of all my immediate family she's the one i trust the most. completely 100%. oldest brother is a close second.#i think i do want to come out to them in the near future. haven't really figured out what i'm gonna say to them though.#hgrhghh.#winter speaks#personal#and i have to figure out what im going to say to the family At Large too..........................SIGH.#i dont even know if i want to come out to the whole family because i know some of them are republicans but i dont know which ones#bc there's a strict ''no talking about politics'' rule at every single gathering for as long as i can remember. lmao.#so i have no idea which family members will grudgingly tolerate me and which ones want me euthanized lmaooooooo#i don't even. really Want to come out to the whole family honestly. but i don't know how much of a long term solution that is.#whatever. im not gonna worry about all that rn bc i have to worry about how im gonna tell my siblings.#and i trust that they wont tell the rest of the family about it until im ready for it but i should probably be prepared just in case they d#because with my wonderful beautiful loving family you can never ever fucking tell :) <3#im very sure about my brother and sister tho.#whatever. its midnight i should not be thinking about stuff like this#but idk i was literally planning on coming out to her today but she just had a baby so she had the phone on speaker while she and#her husband were taking care of him/my older nephew#next time i guess.
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SUPREMELY frustrating that we found something actually really cool and intriguing and plot relevant in tonight's session but I'm still so constantly preoccupied with whether the DM is going to 100% kill us with sheer poor game design that I barely have enough brainspace left over to even enjoy it
#the first half of the session was a random-off-a-rolltable encounter that had nothing to do with anything and gave us literally nothing#and used up all our resources and took a REALLY long time because it was-- you guessed it! another deadly encounter for some reason!!#that's 100% of the encounters we've had so far!#and EXPLICITLY not related to what we were trying to investigate AND creatures that drop neither loot NOR BODIES#(two wil o the wisps and a water wierd)#we did a lot better in this encounter but it WAS deadly going off CR#and the point is now we've done just a short rest and THEN found the Plot Thing-- which our bard used up a bunch of resources to access#SO NOW IT'S LIKE. OKAY LOOK. I WANNA PLAY IN THIS SPACE BUT YOU KEEP TRYING TO KILL US WITH THINGS THAT AREN'T EVEN IMPORTANT#ARE YOU ABOUT TO WHOOPSIE-DOODLE US INTO A TPK ON ACCIDENT HERE???#like... it FEELS dangerous and A Bad Idea to engage with in a way that paradoxically SHOULD mean it's safer in a game like this#like-- okay if this was ACTUALLY as dangerous as it feels we wouldn't BE here on session six. does that make sense?#like when justin had us encounter a lich at level two in session three and I was immediately like OH okay he must have a plan here.#clearly some Scripted Plot is going to happen because there's no other reason he would put us up against a lich three sessions in. you know?#we started dying immediately and I was not afraid at all as a player because I trust justin wouldn't do that for no reason#or be so stupid to have that happen accidentally#THIS CAMPAIGN HOWEVER.... I DON'T TRUST LIKE THAT!!!#ARE WE GONNA FOR REAL PERMADIE BECAUSE YOU WASTED ALL OF OUR RESOURCES ON A RANDOM ENCOUNTER FIRST AND YOU DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT#ARE WE GONNA FOR REAL PERMADIE BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T REALIZE WE COULD USE THE ITEM YOU GAVE US TO OPEN THIS DOOR WITH A 5TH LEVEL SPELL#I WANNA PLAY IN THE SPACE BUT IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE THERE'S ROOM FOR RISKTAKING WHERE THE BAD OUTCOMES WOULDN'T BE UNFUN CATASTROPHIC#AAAAUUUUGHHH#[shaking him violently] what do you mean that random encounter was a deadly encounter again what do you MEEEAAN#'oh huh this fight's taking longer than I thought' THEIR AC IS 19 AND THEY'RE RESISTANT TO NONMAGIC DAMAGE??#THE WATER WIERD KEEPS DISAPPEARING BACK INTO THE POND WHERE IT'S INVISIBLE??? MY BROTHER IN CHRIST HOW DID YOU EXPECT US TO DO IT FAST#hhhhhHHHH!!!!#I SHOULD BE THINKING AND TALKING ABOUT HOW COOL THE SECOND HALF OF THE SESSION GENUINELY WAS BUT I'M TOO STRESSED TO HAVE FUN#cannot stress enough that I'm in a million campaigns and I never have this problem with other DMs or with Highly Dangerous DnD Situations#melliwyk's party are in mortal peril constantly and it's... reaching a point where it's tiresome for how badly it's wearing on the PCs#but it rarely feels unfun stressful as a player playing a game#I never feel like the DM is about to accidentally end the whole campaign by bumblefucking us into a TPK at random#you know? it's different. this just feels unmanageable
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(Going insane boinkinh one AU in my head)
Hey hey hey
May I interest you in
(Slowly slides my FaaF AU towards you but void just Disappears without a trace one day before the accolade)
Teehee
#thylacines can talk#faaf au#i love this au very yummy. a very fun twist on how Flower's dynamic with their parents would progress afterwards#the vessels live but the void exits their bodies in quite a violent manner (extreme pain and literally throwing up an entire person worth of#void). Flower was on guard duty and theyre found barely conscious in a pool of rapidly evaporating void. passes out seconds later#PK also had the displeasure of experiencing extene pain and burning as void forced its way out through his skin <3 And his moulds all melted#and evaporated. after the initial shock wears off theyre hit with “Oh No#the vessel“ and rush to find them. Well somebody else was already looking for the royal pair about this#Flower wakes up dazed and in pain in their father's workshop. their stomach hurts their throat burns and they feel lightheaded. the entire#place is considerably brighter than they remember and in they can hear two faint voices in the background but theyre too preoccupied with#examining their now pure white hand in shock to focus on anything else. until they hear their mother say “My wyrm they're awake” and#suddenly their parents are by their side. Now the two have no idea what void leaving their body might have done to them. Are they still#hollow? are they still dead? do they understand anything are they sentient? or was what was done pernament even without the void? do they#have the mind of a child if their sentience was restored? or do they remember anything? So WL stays by their side and helps them sit up#while their father goes to grab his tools. She's trying to keep them calm and comfort them but theyre still too disoriented to pay her much#attention. Until their father checks their breathing and they yelp audibly from the cool metal contacting their skin and suddenly they seem#much more alert. theyve never experienced true coldness before. PK quickly apologises and tries to be gentler with them. Theyre breathing#properly and they have a heartbeat. And he just pauses for a long while just. listening to their heart beating. Many emotions to be had#after the exam's over he asks them point blank how theyre feeling. And Flower looks up at him still seeming a little disoriented. and then#they lower their hand to their stomach and mutter 'My tummy hurts...a-and my throat burns'. It's to be expected after the way the void#left their body. so he goes to grab them some water and meds and they also ask for food and a mirror. And after he returns they just stare#at themself in the mirror and pull on their bangs for a while then blurt out 'I have your eyes' when PK asks if everything's okay. And he#and he almost chokes up as he replies 'Yeah...Yeah you do'. Flower eventually spins a lie that they remember everything but its all distant#and blurry. Like they were not aware until now. They figured it'd be better to not break their hearts#And now the three have to figure out how to be a family while PK is also scrambling to find a new solution to the infection#oops i meant to only give a brief rundown in the tags which is why it was in the tags. but i got too invested KDHDKFB
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I just had to share this video because holy shit, it hits the nail right on the head! So well spoken. This stuff needs to be circulated more, esp with the growing number of people thinking they have this because of misinformation, or just outright faking it.
#it's painful because i knew someone who personally faked this stuff (or has convinced herself she has it i can't even tell)#she had spent all her time on tiktok and i know for 100% sure that's where she got the idea. it's TRAGIC how fast things went downhill#i'm legit horrified at how many people (esp young kids of 13-14) think they have this too. or are just pretending#i've been neck deep in hardcore research (and i'm talking pubmed sciencedirect etc only) for months#and those kids definitely don't have did.. if they have trauma and are dissociating it's going to be something else like dpdr etc#the number of stupid 'you have did' answers i see for totally basic questions like 'i got dizzy what's wrong w me' is insane too#it's like googling 'muscle twitch' and then thinking you have some rare 1/billion familial cancer thing despite other obvious explanations#but worse.. in these cases the information is being fed to them. they don't have an opportunity to explore other possibilities#and the worst part is they don't even know to CHECK THE VALIDITY OF WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE SAYING. they don't have info literacy#like i'll say this once: did is so rare that it's STILL contentious about whether it even exists#and it only happens in the most unimaginably traumatic experiences. think of the worst possible things you could do to a child#where even just thinking about it makes you uncomfortable. THAT'S the kind of trauma that leads to did. the truly evil stuff.#i'm not even gonna start on the BITE model shenanigans that are happening in the 'did' communities either#or how the people who used to be in them (and got out) always equate them to self-harming cults that celebrated not finding real answers#they got told they were 'perfect the way they were' despite having OBVIOUS psychological issues they needed help for#(it just wasn't did)#they were assured their 'did was valid no matter what'. toxic positivity ig? it just delayed their real diagnosis and ability to get help#but now you have gluts of people like in the video 'talking to themselves' and people on tumblr posting one-liners of 'alters' talking#one after the other within seconds. and i want to fcking cry because it's the same exact shit my friend did before she cut ties#the did/tourettes/ftlb stuff has literally been called a 'mass sociogenic illness' in multiple academic studies#but like qanon believers they seem to immediately discredit anyone who mentions this with 'you're just ableist' so anything you say is poo#aka you're part of the problem you're an 'ableist' so your legit info even though legit isn't valid/acceptable/real/whatever. i'm tired fam#did#dissociative identity disorder#osdd#ddnos#munchausen syndrome#mass psychogenic illness#ableism
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🎤 🎤 🎤
a song that i associate with my muse meme!
AHH, hey, ramone!! thank you for sending in this prompt :D since you sent in three of the mic's, i shall now be treating you to three songs that make me think of blamore when i hear them / that i associate with it. an explanation of why i chose them will be in the tags <3
hozier - who we are.
youtube
icehouse - crazy.
youtube
depeche mode - personal jesus.
youtube
#IT WAS PROBABLY NOTHING BUT IT FELT LIKE THE WORLD: musings.#asks - answered.#ooc post.#okay but ESPECIALLY heavy on the last one because it literally all about the idea of someone that people can turn to in hard times-#like a god or a prophet who will listen to your plights and help you + who you should believe in. and i say this because one major theme-#to blamore's character is the concept of being a false prophet and someone who essentially unfortunately takes advantage of people's-#longing for things to get better in gotham. bc i feel like a lot of people there have either been failed by the system by other's or-#possibly both and this is so that blamore can get people to voluntarily want to consume the 'seeds' it distributes in order to uhh...#well purge gotham of its undesirables basically as terrible as that sounds. but yeah that depeche mode song? it's such a good one for-#him and definitely has helped me before to write things related to him since blamore does sometimes believe in its own hubris.#but as for the second one by icehouse that one i associate with it because although it doesn't exactly consider itself to fully identify-#with the label of being a 'man' i feel as if blamore will still talk about itself that way sometimes. its relationship with its gender-#is honestly a little bit complicated NGL because him using it/its pronouns as well is something blamore adopted recently even-#though he'd always sort of felt like disconnected and/or like it didn't really align with how he saw himself completely. BUT yeahhh#i honestly could start a whole discussion about that but i shall do that another time perhaps ahah. anyhow though besides that-#elephant in the room ever since it has transformed into this half-human half-plant monster being... although it does love any partners-#it has very much (trust me) i feel like it does wonder why they chose to be with him more often than he'd like to admit.#so that's where the whole 'crazy' part comes in and as for the hozier song that song is about how you kind of have to carve through-#this 'darkness' to rediscover ourselves and who we want to be as a result of going through a rough time or just something tough in-#general and that is SO freaking fitting in my opinion for blamore because it definitely had to completely reframe the way it thought-#about itself when it transformed. and he also had to figure out what he believed in / what his values were now which can be suchhh-#a messy process TBH but this isn't the first time that blamore's had to rediscover itself as life is honestly kind of this ongoing-#process of losing yourself and trying to find yourself again you know? but yeah. i hope you enjoyed my explanation here tehe <3#and also that you enjoy the tunes!!
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+
#asfdkljasdflkj the jam reiderson have no chemistry ask has me crying#i'm literally 22 seconds away from consistently making the most insane rpf posts about them#no one talks about them normally i.e. anyone on that set#everyone is just like idk what to tell you they met and fell in love and now we have this show#or just -- nevermind alfjalsdf#i'll lose all my friends if i admit to too many rpf thinkings but just know they're there and it takes a lot of self control from me#like do i admit that the first fic ideas i had were for jam fics and not loustat? lmao#because i had literally 7 ideas and my friend started one of her own#alas
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TWO MORE TO GO
Caleb and Darwin have arrived!
Finished these two in record time! I also had them in more dynamic poses to make up for how out of character the other two were (cough cough Beast)
Caleb possesses the Gup-C, while Darwin has the Gup-D! Much like the two before them, they borrow some design points from their main drivers, but it is a lot less obvious now.
Face closeups!
(oh whoops lmao i didn't think darwin would be so close- ah well)
Next up is Emma and Felix! They will be the last of these for a while... At this rate you'll at LEAST get snippets of Emma's design by the end of the month.. I am struggling very hard with Felix :(
#octonauts#octonauts au#octonauts gups#octonauts oc#hershel’s octonauts au#cw bright colors#cw eyestrain#the Curse is back#can we just talk about darwin for a second. i need to get this off my chest#before you say anything about how he looks high i need you to know that that is Canon actually. like genuinely#he smoked a blunt with Lars before he got killed and he was still under the effects of it by that point#so now in his current state he behaves like hes high a majority of the time (because he is)#and becomes fully lucid and aware and ‘sober’ basically only like once a week#this explains his behaviour in just about every rp we did :) except that one time he had to calm a player down#he was sober then and by god was the shift phenomenal#anyways. caleb and darwin’s lore is that they were literally married in life and for some reason caleb doesn’t Quite remember that#(the reason is he had some of of the soup before he was killed to be put in it and he got the Amnesia effect. some of it)#and now every chance darwin gets he tries to help caleb remember so they can get back to where they left off#funnily enough the other gup spirits have NO IDEA whats happening. Everyone is clueless EXCEPT darwin#also if you look closely caleb borrows from Octolings from splatoon AND. gloating narcissist from sky. and others too but yueheheu#caleb’s head is FLOATING by the way!! he has no neck!!#darwin’s arms can extract and retract!! dont ask me how those big things fit in there they just do ok#COUUFHSSS THATS ALL FOR NOOOW. LOOK FORWARD TO EMMA AND FELIXXX
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gonna be honest I see anyone talking about this "my gender is more complicated than yours" shit as someone who genuinely cannot comprehend that other people that don't share certain traits with them can still in fact have rich interior lives. as an agender trans woman who uses she/her I've never had anyone say it to me who wasn't (usually unknowingly) transmisogynistic
see but im not talking about "rich interior lives" and the assumption that i am is exactly what im talking about. i am talking about the actual physical way that reality treats and percieves me in comparison to the way it treats and percieves you. saying my gender is "more complex" means to me that i am physically incapable of existing in a strictly binary world and that there is no thing i can pass as bc "binary man" and "binary woman" are both incorrect for me. and the Cisiety in question does not allow androgyny to exist - it is exclusively the timeframe people have to decide whether they think you are a cisman or a ciswoman, or a failure and a freak. i dont subscribe to that "binary privilege" shit, thats not how privilege works. but there are differences in the ways both you and i can navigate this strictly binary Cisiety!!! and those differences deserve to be named, imo
like. again. i dont have to comfort you about your own internal sense of gender before youll listen to me about my experiences in the real world as genderqueer. as a different sort of transsexual than you.
(and bc i Know what binary ppl love to say: i know not everyone is 'capable of passing'. what i am talking about specifically is the difference between being unable to pass as a cis woman or a cis man vs being unable to pass bc what i am does not exist AT ALL in a binary society, and both of those things are incorrect ans unattainable.)
(anyways if that language is too imperfect for you thats like fine but. its just confusing to me, i dont get why its hard to understand what we are talking about here. our experiences w our nonbinary genders are completely different! why do i have to discuss them like theyre the same?)
#do you consider yourself transfem first or agender first on an internal level?#do you feel like you are predominantly treated as a trans woman in your day to day? does that hurt the part of you that is agender?#< not trying to grill u or anything im genuinely curious#ive had similar convos w my transmasc and transfem nonbinary friends as well as like. my gnc binary trans friends#i am just curious bc. like i said 'binary' isnt a bad thing to be and frankly since u identify urself as agender ur not really the target a#dience here anyways?#the idea that theres no such thing as a binary trans person just#fundamentally misunderstands the extremely broad swathe of nonbinary experiences and treatments#my passing transmasc enby friends dont particularly feel touched by transphobia unless theyre clocked or unless our areas laws changed#but some DO feel like they r effected by exorsexism on a day to day by being assumed to be binary men and having the other parts of their i#entities erased#while others are completely comfortable being percieved as strictly men and moving through life strictly as men#which is sounds like. i would guess youd have a similar position since u exclusively use she/her?#like.. it sounds to me like your 'rich interior life' doesnt really have an outward effect on the way people percieve and treat you and the#way you react to it which is very different from my experience#binary doesnt mean your gender is 'simple' it just means that you are comfortable within a binary system even of you dont personally identi#y with it. and maybe this is a case of 'political identity vs personal identity'??#and all of this is FINE its just. literally every time i talk about my own unique positioning my transandrogyny or whatever gives me#people crawl out of the woodwork to tell me my experiences are not actually unique#do u see what my issue is? my own trans experiences are erased bc other people 'disagree' with . what. my perspective as an 'unaligned' enb#? when its like. literally none of us are gonna have the same needs or experiences as trans people#and if 'binary' works to show that you are fine and comfortable being percieved exclusively as a woman#and 'nonbinary' works to show i am not#i dont really see what the issue w using the word 'binary' is#like i said. its not a slur. its not a bad thing to be.#and tbh i think this insistence that 'unaligned' nonbinary ppls perspectives arent actually unique to binary or 'aligned' nonbinary ppls is#directly contributing to like. lateral bigotry coming from said 'unaligned' enbies. like if u put urself in my shoes for a second and u gre#up being constantly told you were either a cis invader who didnt actually have any trans experiences and that only people who want to 'full#transition' were REAL transsexuals then. youd be kinda jaded too right? and im sure you ARE kinda jaded lol.#anyways. sorry for rambling at you i dont have any more tags left lol
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i really dont think i actually deserved all that bullshit. the internets traumatized me now at this point and literally no ones gonna care unless my abuser is honest and its so fucking exhausting.
#at this point its my mantra that yall only care about believing the victim you like. if two ppl are accusing eachother you're going#to pick the person you like more. that just seems to be the situation. and its so fucking dumb#all these ppl who call themselves progressive who do this are so fucking dumb#you only want to believe the victim you like and i just dont understand why you're willing to throw me in the trash over a lie#not even CONSIDERING it could be me at all. nah. bc if you had to consider that you'd probably just have to feel guilty for the way you#treated me#but lord knows hardly anyone on this website ever likes to admit they did anything wrong bc they found their safe haven where they can#be an eternal victim and they dont want to lose that#i genuinely think yall are the worst people to walk this earth and you provide literally 0 benefit for anyone else#i have no idea what possesses you to think its okay to treat me this way like at all#how are you so sure. how do you believe them so storngly that you can have this reaction to me#and why do you think its fine#to the person reading this going 'omg hes so dramatic 🙄' i dont think you under fucking stand#humans aren't supposed to have THIS much criticism. our brain isn't used to having criticism from like 200 people like this.#ive lost friend and followers over this situation.i saw someone i thought of as a friend shit talking me on a different site#friends*#theres people irl who wont talk to me anymore#i dont think you understand what that does to someones psyche#imagine you were sent to prison for some shit you didnt do. you might in your heart know you're innocent. but the fact that you're#in prison makes you second guess yourself. and im tired of living by tumblrs rule of law since people on here dont even have#the basic human decency to give due process.#theres fucking people online who accuse me of shit i didnt do or dont believe in all the time on here now and i dont think they#wouldve done it so hardcore had my ex decided to be honest from the get-go#it feels like they know deep down theyre lying so theyre trying to find or even make up more reasons to keep believing im bad#like im sorry i had a messy past and im upset not enough ppl care about trans men#i have no idea how that warrants this response though#and im not like??? bad politically??? like at all??#like when ppl try to find reasons im bad its either disingenuous. a common misconception. things taken out of context.#someone just simply refusing to see my point or perspective in any capacity.#ot its something from my past but even as far as my past goes ppl are extremely hyperbolic about it. i wasnt a fuckin nazi or something
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Thinking about what happened in the summer
Kids are... Really different when it comes to spending three weeks without their parents
Some start crying near the end of first day
Some start crying after couple of days
And some don't show anything while feeling the same
And being... I think English has a good word for that, let's go with a teacher but mix it with caretaker a little bit
I think seeing a kid cry at the end of that first day finally short circuited my brain, teens are way harder to understand that pre-teens who are literally still kids
They come around after a week, settle down and find new friends and your job stays the same mostly to be the one controlling their behavior
And then you'd have a kid crying again, because they miss home and the only thing you can really do is comfort them that they're not stuck here forever and that time flows so fast they won't notice it
And maybe they didn't. Time really did flew and they were leaving
Parents visited kids sometimes, of course, and it was so scary at first but they were mostly friendly and nice
Maybe because of that group chat that let them see that their kids are fine and are having fun
In the end for kids it was painful at first, but fun in the end. I got hugged more times than I could count when they were all leaving
And then poof
Back to your own life you go, like nothing happened
#not art#irl stuff#some thoughts#Every time I tried mixing my 'usual' behavior with the one I had back in the camp it felt like adding acid into water in the wrong order#Because it didn't feel right and it felt right at the same time#Like I just suddenly got a brand new way of behavior all together and it was so different that I stopped recognizing myself#Literally I'd work all day without much of a thought head full of WHERE EVERYONE IS ARE THEY SAFE??? And then at break near night go 'huh'#And at first I tried desperately to catch the usual behavior and bring it back on the break#And it never led to anything good because I'm supposed to be fully like in daytime 24/7#I did that one sketch of silly guys to just keep at least something in my head aside from being fully aware 24/7 of every passing second#I still don't know if I miss that or not#It felt so nice to not feel like I have no goal in mind anymore#A goal of 'get to the end of this with all of the kids fine and safe' without ever swearing or making them feel threatened was... Exhaustin#I never became some super sweet person to know so I did what I knew best - talked a lot telling about the things they liked#And if a kid is curious being interesting by telling stories that they didn't know about the things they liked is a way to be liked#Most of them probably forgot about me existing there but some probably didn't and would return next year again#Honestly I don't know why I failed so many exams when becoming a teacher is the only thing that makes me truly happy now#And super tired because THAT'S WORK and it's exhausting as hell some kids love to fight and you need all your diplomacy to work with it#Maybe that's just me missing my time with siblings when they were little I didn't get much time being a good elder sibling to them#I can't associate this work with becoming a parent for a month because I'm still not so different from those kids#Like... I've literally have been told by older kids that they mistook me for a teen like them#Excuse you but I'm like 7 years older than that#It was funny tho because I was considered a bit closer to them all instead of being a big bad grown-up#Yet some kids despised me because of that in the first group because welp not being an authority figure sucks#That being my first job sucks even more because I had no idea about the unspoken rules while everyone had aside from me and mom#Second try was way better because I knew exactly what I had to do even if I was terrible at making us participate in dances and songs#Thankfully it started raining and don't you dare let kids get cold from being in the rain at night that's just ridiculous#So it was like we had a slumber party with me letting them watch GF on my laptop and read some comics#It was way better than being forced to look at the other groups winning all over again. Kids disliked losing so many times in a row#And in the end the things we planned weren't exactly enough but when they were kids were happy and I was happy because we put so much effor
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"All those drinks are gonna do you dirty, ma. You're gonna throw up if you don't get some food in your system, so eat," Toji says, pushing the box closer to you.
You giggle at his serious face, before standing up from your chair for the fourth time, trying to go around him. Toji's used to this by now and stands up, bringing you back down to your chair.
"Stop getting up and eat your food. You literally begged for this. Why aren't you eating it?"
"Why aren't you eating it?" You return, raising your brows at him, seductively. It doesn't come off too sexy when raising your eyebrows makes you immediately squint because of the light going into your sensitive eyes, but it does lure a chuckle out of Toji.
"I'm ignoring that. Just eat. I don't wanna hear you upchucking in a couple hours."
"You won't hold my hair back?" You pout. Your feigned little flash of sadness produces real tears in this state, so it's a little confusing for Toji when you start giggling while wiping at your reddened cheeks.
"Your food's getting cold. I know how you are about reheating fast food, so eat it before it goes to waste."
You smile at him, your eyelids almost completely shut in your drunken daze. Toji can't even lie, it's cute. It's the only reason he's not up the wall about this little situation. Then you decide to drop a bomb on him.
"I'm not hungry anymore. Too tired to eat." You rest your chin on your palm, shutting your eyes. It feels nice. It would take less than thirty seconds for you to fall asleep.
Fuck. Think, think, think...
"Hey." Toji pokes your forehead, lightly, earning a hum and a furrow of your brows. "What if I feed you?"
You laugh, giddily. "Ooo, you trying to romance me?"
"Sure, if you eat."
You laugh again. "Toji, you dog, you. I'm not putting out." You shake your head, eyes closed with a dumb grin on your face. "No, sir. It's food and then goodnight for me."
"You already put out for me, earlier, doll." He smirks at the way you blush, clearly having an 'oh, yeah...' moment. "Eat some more so we can go to sleep."
"Hm?" You hum, rolling your eyes open after your blink of sleep. You crack a grin as soon as you look at Toji. "You wanna kiss me sooo bad. Look at you."
"I'm not gonna kiss you. You're not listening. You think you deserve kisses for that?"
"Uh... yes? I mean no. Pshhh, nooo. Of course, not."
"That's right. So eat, or you'll go to sleep without kisses, tonight."
"Noooo," you whine, dramatically. "Wait! Fine, fine. Look." You take a huge bite of your sandwich, your cheeks puffing up as you chew. "Oh, this is really good," you say, muffled by your mouthful of food.
"Don't choke, doll. Small bites are fine," he says, picking up a napkin and wiping the excess condiments off your face.
You push through it and gulp down the bite. "That was a lot. Got bread stuck on the roof of my mouth." You take a sip of your drink to wash it all down. "Did I look so pretty for the party, today?" You ask, your lips curling as you put the cup back down.
"You did, mama. Stunning. Swept everyone there, off their feet."
You smile, the gesture transitioning into a giggle. "Even Shiu?"
"Yup. Even Shiu said he wanted a piece of you."
You gasp. "No... Did you fight him?"
"Nah, I wanted to, but I kept my cool. If he had put his hands on you, then I might have, but I had my eye on you all night, to make sure nobody did more than look at you."
"I wouldn't have followed him anywhere, anyway." You roll your eyes, suddenly so hostile against the host of the party. "Probably would've kicked him in the nuts and gone to find you."
"Yeah, that's a smart idea, doll."
Toji's elaborate answers to your questions kept you awake long enough for you to mindlessly eat while he talked. You were at the end of the sandwich when you realized how much you had eaten and how full you were.
"Can't... do it..." You groan, lying on the arm you have extended on the table. "Too full." You sigh, heavily, setting the rest of the sandwich down on the scattered fries in its box.
"That's good, ma. You don't have to eat it, anymore. We can go to bed, now."
You let out another heavy sigh, sluggishness washing over you before you force yourself to stand up from your chair, this time with Toji's 'okay'. He looks at your little belly as it protrudes from your dress, proof of how full you actually are, and pokes at it. Your usually soft tummy is temporarily stiff and it's adorable.
You grab Toji's hand so that you don't stumble as you walk. Before leaving the table, he finished the remainder of your sandwich in one bite and threw out the container with the remaining cold fries.
"Damn, you were right, baby. That was good."
"Mhm," you mumble, waiting for him to lead you to the room.
Toji helped you brush your teeth and wash your face, and when you finally made it to the room, he helped you dress down into comfier clothes. Now, you're in bed together and you're in his arms trying to doze off, but you can't with the way he's smothering your face with kisses. It's just kiss after kiss with him and you can't focus, but it is what you wanted. After all, you stuffed your face for this.
#toji#fushiguro toji#jjk toji#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen toji#jujutsu toji#toji fushiguro#toji fushiguro x reader#toji x reader#toji x y/n#fushiguro toji x reader#toji x you#toji fluff#jjk fushiguro#jjk x y/n#jjk drabbles#jjk scenarios#jjk x you#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen scenarios#toji fushiguro x you
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in omnia paratus
Spencer Reid x fem!reader
Summary: Spencer's been on the fence with his feelings for you. Due to his past traumas he’s decided to keep his feelings hidden. Until you’re caught in a dangerous situation at work
WC: 3.5 k
A/N: I am SO SORRY this took so long. I’ve been sitting on this for two months because I was being a perfectionist and had writer's block. Thank you so much to the person who requested this idea and I hope ya’ll like it! beta read by @whats-yesterday00
Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Fluff, Protective!spencer, Friends to lovers, age gap (25 and idk 33 or 34), during season 9 (sadly no post prison Reid, I refuse to watch the show after Derek & Hotch leave), Maeve is implied
Warnings!: mentions of murder, stalking, gunshot wounds, hostage situation and incorrect info about hostage situation cause Idk I'm not in the FBI
Everyone knew Spencer Reid had a soft spot for you. Well, everyone except for you.
Since the moment you met you’ve been on his mind.
“Do you know how old she is?”
“No, how old is she?”
“25!” Penelope squeaked before being shushed by Rossi.
“Wow, she’s gotta be the youngest person to ever be in the BAU. Well, second to genius over here,” JJ commented while pointing to Reid.
“That’s if she gets the job,” Morgan added.
They were all crowded around the desks in front of Hotch’s office. The blinds were cracked and they could just barely make out the woman seated across from their boss for an interview.
Due to the increase in caseload after Alex joined, Hotch made the request to add an additional member of the team. After interviewing a few people that didn’t pan out, he heard quite a bit about you from your supervisor saying how well you’ve done with the FBI and you’d be an exceptional fit for the team.
Then of course Penelope looked up everyone who was interviewing with Hotch. You being her most recent victim.
“How long has she been with the FBI?” Alex questioned.
“Three years,” Penelope answered
“What? Did she join right after college?”
“Not right away. She graduated early and got experience with law enforcement first.”
Spencer sat at his desk quietly while everyone was peering into Hotch’s office. Not to say he wasn’t nosy as well. You were already behind the blinds when he arrived for work.
“Oh they’re shaking hands! That has to be a good sign,” Penelope cheered.
Morgan turned to the window, “It’s definitely not a bad one.”
Her eyes widened before loudly whispering, “Oh no they’re leaving. Disperse.”
She scurried off in her heels towards Derek’s desk while he followed behind with a grin. JJ, and Rossi averted their eyes from Hotch’s office and found Alex’s desk far more interesting.
All while Spencer’s attention was brought to the woman led down the stairs by his boss. It felt like his heart stopped beating when he saw how beautiful you were. He was brought back to earth as Hotch introduced you to the rest of the team.
“This is Dr. Spencer Reid,” he gestured to the man sitting at his desk.
You offered him a small wave and a kind smile, “Nice to meet you.”
It became quite obvious you two would get along very well. From very early on conversation flowed incredibly well between the two of you. There were very few people that he felt were easy to talk to because of his niche interests and the way he would ramble spitting facts left and right.
But he never had to worry about saying the wrong thing or talking too much with you. You often were a content listener or you would even match his passion on certain subjects. Most were topics Spencer already knew about.
When you first met Spencer you didn’t know the Dr in his name meant he held 3 PhD’s or that he was quite literally a genius.
So you were often telling stories or facts you found interesting that he already knew. In fact, almost every “fun fact” you brought up, he knew about already.
But he never interrupted you. He always was listening intently to what you had to say. Like he was hearing about it for the first time.
At some point you learned of his eidetic memory and how vast his knowledge was. It was during a case where you found out and mentioned it to him.
“Reid, remember when we were at the harbor and I mentioned that thing about sharks?” You hesitated, “did you know that already?”
“Yes,” he guiltily admitted.
You partially deflated suddenly feeling that the whole tangent you went on was pointless. “Why did you let me go on and on if you already knew?”
His eyes softened, “because I wanted to hear you talk about it.”
That was when his feelings started to peek through. As the months went on it only grew and grew. And you were none the wiser.
To the average person, it might not seem like much. Perhaps you were just good friends. But to a team of profilers (and best friends) it was painfully obvious.
It was almost painful the way he looked at you with a longing in his eyes. Or when his gaze immediately turned to you to catch your reaction or smile.
It was obvious by the way he found any excuse to bring you up in conversation. Or how in conversation with you he would mirror your mannerisms and lean closer to you.
As well as the things he remembered about you or the little things he did for you. Like the countless coffee cups he bought for you from his favorite coffee shop before work. And when he saw you struggling to find something or open something he was always right there to help.
Spencer Reid had feelings for you. Feelings so deep that he couldn’t pull the roots out even if he tried.
He didn’t know what to do with his feelings exactly. He hadn’t felt this strongly for someone since … well for a while. He was terrified of history repeating itself.
He couldn't lose you. He’d seen first hand what this job did to him, what it did to Hotch. Their loved ones ripped away from them too soon.
So for now at least, he kept his feelings to himself.
Well, until your last case.
The BAU was called in on a case that just turned serial. They found the unsub to be a man named Mark, who started killing because his girlfriend cheated on him. The first two victims reminded him of the man she cheated with. When that didn’t satisfy him, he hunted down and killed the other man.
Now the team and SWAT was stationed outside a bus that Mark was holding hostage. He stalked his ex-girlfriend and tracked down the new city bus she took.
The officers couldn’t get a clear shot of him because of where he was standing and he kept using the passengers as shields. Rossi was currently on the phone with him trying to make negotiation terms and get some of the people off the bus. Mark however was incredibly stubborn and didn’t want to let his leverage go.
So Rossi asked about the children on the bus and if Mark would be willing to let them off. They were met with silence on the other end of the phone, contrary to his previous behavior where he loved to hear himself talk.
After a short pause the phone spoke. “I’ll only send out the kids if you send in an agent.”
Rossi shifted his weight and crossed his arms. “Are there any other circumstances you’re willing to send out the children for?” he asked.
“Nope,” he said with a pop at the end of the word.
A look of concern was quickly exchanged between Rossi and Hotch. While their faces didn’t reveal much, their eyes spoke volumes.
“How about this,” the unsub continued. “I’ll send out their moms too.”
Rossi’s eyebrows furrowed slightly at the eagerness to comply from the criminal. “You’ll send out the children and their mothers if we send in one of our agents?”
“I promise.”
Rossi returned his eyes to Hotch who stood rigid and tall with his arms folded. He was met with an approving nod before returning to the call.
“Alright, we can agree to those terms.”
“Oh and agent Rossi?” Mark perked.
“Yes?”
“Send in a girl.”
There was a tension that quietly branched out between the agents listening to the phone call.
“Why do you want a woman?” Rossi asked, clearly changing the dialogue used.
“I’m losing too many ladies sending out these moms. I want one back,” he replied with a cockiness to his voice.
Ross confirmed they could send in a female agent. Almost immediately after the unsub hung up, you volunteered to be the agent going on the bus.
“I’ll do it.”
Spencer’s head shot in your direction. “No you're not.” His voice was laced with concern and a hint of demand.
“Reid-”
“He specifically asked for a woman. We don’t know what he’s planning, he’s devolving.”
“And I’m willing to take that risk to make sure those kids are safe,” You defended yourself.
You turned to your boss waiting for his thoughts. Hotch knew you’d been exposed to enough high tension scenarios to know what you were doing. But just like any member of his team, he silently hesitated, worrying for your safety.
He took a breath before meeting your eyes again. “Send her in.”
Right before you were led to the bus, Hotch took off the holster on his ankle and handed it to you. “Some extra protection in case something happens.” You couldn’t hear the concern in his voice, but you saw it clear as day in his eyes.
You made your way to the bus and saw through the window Mark holding a gun to the driver and telling him to open the door. You stepped on and the doors closed quickly behind you. The unsub took a long look at you, panning up and down.
“Well how about that. Aren’t you a beauty? He said with a cheeky grin.
You tried your hardest not to look disgusted with him. Instead you kept your composure and spoke with courage and a confident demeanor.
“You this flirty with all your hostages?” you asked plainly.
As he gazed down at your legs his eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed. He bent down and with the gun in his hand, pushed away the bottom of your pants leg. When he saw the gun in the holster, he tsked.
“You always carry this much dead weight on you?”
He stood back up and put his hand out, “hand it over, I told them no weapons.”
You reluctantly took off Hotch’s holster and placed it in the unsubs hand. Your one line of defense was gone.
The longer you were on the bus, the more anxious Spencer got. He knew you were an exceptional profiler, and you had enough experience and skill to handle yourself in situations like this.
But that couldn’t stop the ache in his stomach or the fact that his heart rate could power a car by now.
He stood closer to the bus now to get a clearer view of the windows. They managed to successfully get the children and moms off and to safety, but you weren’t safe. Spencer figured you were trying to negotiate with the unsub, but that was going nowhere. This was confirmed when Rossi tried calling him again but every call was ignored.
This unsub was stubborn as hell. He knows he trapped himself, but didn’t want to back down. At least he didn’t want to go quietly.
Spencer was talking with the rest of the team trying to devise a plan when the gunshots were fired. The team immediately ran back to the cacophony on the bus.
More shots were fired, he didn’t know where from. He didn’t care.
He just needed to get to you.
When he got a decent view through one of the windows that hadn’t shattered he saw you. Your hand over arm in pain but still standing in front of the civilians to protect them. The unsub stalking over to you, gun in hand and smacking you over the head with it. You slammed against the chairs and fell to the floor.
Spencer's face paled. He swore he was going to throw up.
Through the fog of his mind Spencer saw Morgan escorting Mark off the bus, his hands now behind his back in cuffs.
He rushed past them, clambering through the door and up the stairs to get to you, calling your name.
“Reid?” he heard your small tired voice through the crowd.
He followed it to you, laying on the ground struggling to open your eyes and clutching your left arm.
He crouched down to your level with a gentle hand on your uninjured arm.
“Hey, I’m here. I’m right here,” he comforted.
“My head hurts,” you mumbled.
His eyes softened, “I know. I think you might have a concussion, you need to go to the hospital.”
You slowly started to fade out of consciousness. Spencer’s heart dropped and his hand moved from your arm to your face.
“No no no no stay with me okay?” he caressed your cheek with his thumb.
“Stay with me sweetheart,” he consoled.
Your eyes stopped struggling to stay open and finally made their close. His other hand rushed to your pulse point as he called for a medic.
Time seemed to stand still while Spencer sat next to your hospital bed waiting for you to wake up. He couldn’t leave your side. He didn’t want to.
You were okay. You were laying in the bed in front of him. But of course in his mind he ran through all the possible scenarios of how things could’ve gone worse, how things could’ve gone better. What would’ve happened if you didn’t have your gun taken away, or if the unsub got angry that you tried to bring a gun in. What if he didn’t lose his cool and start firing. What if you never went inside in the first place.
And with all of those possible scenarios, the same thought plagued him.
He was wrong.
Before he was too scarred from past traumas to reveal just how much you meant to him. Not wanting to repeat the past and lose yet another person he loved cared for.
But now, after seeing you in danger right in front of him, now he was terrified at the thought of you never knowing. He was now more scared you would never know how much he loved the way your nose crinkled when you smiled. How he thought the sound of your voice could cure any ailment he had. How he admired your strength and desire to protect others. How you could light up anyone's mood by just being you. How he could listen to you for hours, even if you were lecturing him on things he’d known like the back of his hand.
To him it was a whole new experience hearing it from you.
Spencer was pulled from his thoughts as you stirred awake. He saw your eyes adjust to the bright fluorescent lights ahead. He quickly got up to dim the lights for you.
When he returned to his seat you smiled at him, “hi.”
“Hi,” he smiled back.
“How are you feeling?”
You sighed. “Like shit,” you complained with a hint of humor.
“The doctor said you have a minor head injury, bruised ribs, and the shot to your arm thankfully didn’t break any bones.”
“Fun,” you said sarcastically.
A moment of silence passes between you two. He doesn’t exactly know what to say. How do you casually tell your friend and coworker you have a crush on them?
There is no casual way.
“You called me sweetheart,” you broke the silence.
He furrowed his eyebrows, “What?”
You fidget with the blanket, “earlier, when I passed out on the bus. You called me sweetheart.”
He searches his mind for the memories of the day. When he finds the memory he realizes in the heat of the moment the term of endearment slipped out.
He wasn’t aware you heard it.
“I did,” he confirmed as his ears flushed.
“Why?” you asked curiously.
He didn’t know how to tell you that he’s wanted to call you that for weeks now. So instead he settled with-
“It just … felt right.”
“Oh,” you replied quietly.
Spencer tensed up at your response.
“If I crossed the line-“
“No. Of course not,” you interrupted with a comforting voice.
The corners of your mouth lifted and cheeks dusted pink. “I thought it was sweet. You don’t normally say stuff like that.”
His heart warmed at your confession and a smile spread on his face.
“You thought me calling you sweetheart was sweet?” he lightly teased.
“Shut up,” you chuckled, rolling your eyes. “You know what I mean.”
Your laughter was cut short by a sharp pain in your abdomen. You bit down on your lip and gripped the side of the bed in pain.
The reality that you were injured on the job was rushing back to him.
He licked his lips, his nervous unconscious habit.
“I was really worried about you.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t,” he interjected.
“The entire time you were on that bus I was sick to my stomach. Terrified that something bad was gonna happen and it did,” he started to ramble.
You leaned closer to him. ”But I’m okay Reid.”
“You still got hurt. He shot you for christ sake!” his voice raising in pitch and volume.
“Reid-”
“He lashed out at you! You could’ve died!”
“Spencer,” you said firmly, pulling his attention towards you.
He never heard you say his name before. No matter how many times he said you could call him Spencer, you still called him Reid. Hearing his name fall from your lips was like the consistency of honey.
You placed your hands on his face caressing his cheek. His golden eyes meet yours.
“I’m alright. I’m still here,” you consoled.
“But if-“
“Spencer.”
“Please,” he pleaded. “It’s important.”
You nodded your head, signaling for him to continue. He gently grabbed your wrists and brought your hands in his. He took a deep breath before he decided to spill the thing that had been eating away at his heart.
“I have feelings for you. I have for a long time. Almost as long as you’ve been at the BAU,” he started.
With your hands in his he started tracing his thumb over your knuckles.
“If we don’t have work I count down the days until I can see you again. When I do see you I desperately want to see you smile, see you happy. And if I’m the one that causes that smile, it makes my whole day. That’s why I never interrupted when you talked about something I already knew. The way your face lit up when you talked with such passion was the highlight of my day.”
“For months I was scared of my feelings and I kept them to myself. I was too scared to admit how much I liked you because I-” his hold on your hands tightened.
“I know what it feels like to lose someone. This job takes so much from us; I never wanted it to take you.”
Spencer let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.
“Today I realized it would be more painful if I went the rest of my life not telling you, than having even a fraction of a moment with you.”
A moment of silence danced between you two. Your head reeling from his confession, heart beating so hard you could feel it in your bones. Your palms sweaty from holding onto Spencers, but still neither of you let go.
The silence was deafening, plaguing him.
“Please … say something,” he begged.
Your lash line was collecting tears that you simultaneously tried blinking away. Your eyes found his tie less intimidating than his gaze.
“I never thought you would like me back,” you said with a soft tone.
Spencer's cheeks turned red as his heart started melting. “I do.”
You brought your eyes back to his. That precious smile on his face was infectious.
“Listen,” you squeezed his hands. “I’m not going anywhere. So you have as much time with me as you want.”
Spencer's eyes softened at your words. He raised your hands and placed a loving kiss on your knuckles.
The two of you were too lost in eachother to notice the footsteps towards the room.
“Hey, I found some Jello for her if she-” Alex abruptly stopped once she noticed what she walked into.
You both awkwardly pulled your hands away from each other; you fiddling with the hospital blanket, him rubbing his palms on his slacks.
“So, feeling better?” she asked hesitantly.
“Much,” you answered, still a bit flustered.
“Good, good to hear,” She tried not to sound too smug, but the small smile on her face said otherwise.
She raised and shook the jello container in her hand.
“I’m gonna leave this here,” she placed it on the table. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
“Thanks Blake,” you thanked as she left.
Once she was gone you quietly giggled and mumbled “oh my god,” under your breath.
“You know, she kept teasing me asking when I was going to ask you out. And don’t even get me started on Morgan,” he chuckled, shaking his head.
Your jaw dropped and eyes furrowed. “Did everyone else know but me?”
He pressed his lips in a thin line, “pretty much.”
“I must be a shitty profiler,” you half joked.
“Absolutely not,” he said in the most comforting voice. He brushed the hair that had fallen in front of your face behind your ear.
“You’re an amazing profiler.”
You smiled that smile he loved so much. The one where you couldn’t hide your joy and your nose crinkled.
“So, how do you think you’ll spend all those moments with me?” you inquired with a bit of a teasing tone.
“Doing anything sweetheart,” he answered seriously. He looked at you with awe written all over your face. “I'm ready for anything with you.”
“in omnia paratus” - ready for anything
Tag asks: @adrienneleclerc @ladybirdbeetle7
#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid headcanon#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfic#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid one shot#spencer reid x you#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid angst
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