#I literally do not give a SHIT about problematic ocs someone made a few years ago

[forbiddenseason]

I can’t believe we have an animated show created by a bisexual Latina indie artist with multiple queer characters who aren’t just a sanitized gay man and so much of it is just unlabeled queerness that demands respect and refuses explanation and people straight up don’t want you to watch it bc the director had like…. Some problematic ocs 10 years ago.

[jigensass]

Here we are (this is very long so TL;DR this blog is getting archived)

It’s been over a week since I’ve taken a hiatus and a few close people know about what has happened. And I have made a decision in response to an insight meditation retreat I took over the course of this weekend. 

 I’m going to be dropping roleplaying Stephen and possibly roleplaying altogether. 

First, after 5 years of this blog, you’re probably wondering why. Well, I woke up. 

Yes, I’m a talented writer and I can weave your fantasies into realities. Yes, I enjoy every single person I have written for. You’re not the problem. My writings are the problem that is hurting my lifestyle and it leads to toxic behavior. 

Ever since I decided to go into this hiatus and a few days prior, I’ve been peeling back that I am more sensitive than others to certain situations and at sometimes have the ability to as previously stated, weave fantasies into realities and make them feel as real as possible. This can be problematic when I get in too deep. So much as I have in the past without even realizing, begin to dissociate the line and my own reality and the one I made that I have fallen in love with. The two begin to crossover and I don’t even realize I’m doing it until it’s too late. This had led to multiple people getting hurt and I didn’t even know I was doing it.  Why has this been happening for so long and I’m noticing it after 26 years? Well, no one kind of stopped me or I didn’t notice because when I was younger I lived in my own little world. And that own little world became the internet and then the internet started converging with the little world and I didn’t know what to do except the one thing I knew best: make up stories and not even realizing it, they became my own little world. It’s how I coped and got away from the actual reality that I lived in (school, work, family, etc). 

Now how did Stephen come in? Well, (holy shit I’ve been in the sphere of Doctor Strange for 7.5 (8 years in the Marvel sphere) years now that’s the longest I’ve stuck to anything). There was a game on Facebook where I heard of him and at the time in 2010, there were only comics and the movie from 2006(7?) (I remember actually SEEING the commercial for the movie and asking ‘how is this guy a superhero he’s a doctor’ oh how my 13-year-old self was foolish). 

I fell in love with Stephen’s character for one reason: he had all the powers of a god, yet he was still human. It would take me another 5 years to realize where my path was actually headed with this magic man and the actual man named Benedict Cumberbatch. 

Along the way, since this blog was created and many rp threads later, there were many times I felt so absorbed into my work that even though I had an external life with friends and people I knew. It became...a problem. It was obvious when I began to piss off my friends in college for trying to gain this...atmosphere of Stephen Strange and then try to be myself. 

But I didn’t know who ‘Crystal’ was for...like ever. Only until after this weekend did I find out this answer (stay tuned). 

I kept trying different things, nothing felt good. I didn’t feel like a human being unless I was by myself clacking away at a keyboard and being absorbed with the Sorcerer Supreme who I (for the longest time) considered a reflection of who I was or what I wanted to be (at some point Magnus Bane got thrown into the pot in 2014 so that’s just a lovely stew...). It ate at me for years and I wasn’t even aware during points where I became lost that the parasite was there. The parasite was my power to get lost in worlds I created and then believe the world was still there in reality. And it (probably) hurt many real human beings in the process. 

And just recently I yanked that parasite off and threw it away. Realizing that seeing Stephen as a reflection is dangerous and will get me pulled into the looking glass if I don’t stop. 

So as of today for the sake of my mental health, this blog is being archived.

I’m not saying it was all bad. I wouldn’t be typing this because of roleplaying with one person in particular who, even though my coworkers were slapping me in the face (metaphorically, of course) and concerned for my life during the nine months of suffering I held at my new job, was AT THE TIME, the only person who could get through to me and wake me up. The reason this journey started because of a very deep wound that was still scarring, but this person was the one to be my guide on the path to just finding what I needed to figure out what the heck was going on. 

About a month later after this realization, I joined a sangha and began meditation on a weekly basis or when I could. This (and to this day) practice has unearthed a lot of stuff that I’ve buried so deep that it blew my mind how messed up my childhood was. Why I was so...sarcastic...and had to make a joke to every serious detail...and impulsive...and...determined to get out of this hole. Like a certain....doctor

(No joke when I watched Doctor Strange in theatres in 2016 when this line was said I died laughing because of the tone and manner of how it was said was something I would do. I’m a sassy piece of shit IRL) 

Back in late 2016/early 2017 right after I watched this movie, I remember wanting to embrace MCU Stephen with open arms. I felt the pain he was feeling, having to give up his mundane life to become the guardian of the Earth, and I wanted to take him down that journey of suffering, of realizing that he chose for the sake of his hands, provided him with....the power of a god yet he was still human (also I was stunned because he was (I BELIEVE right behind T’Challa) the FIRST Marvel main character to actually DIE on camera. As in no pulse, not coming back dead. 

But instead I got female OCs wanting to bang and marry him, and the funk kicked itself right out the door. And this is when I got into experimentation. Demons, Mermen...the list goes on. 

This is where it became obvious that Stephen was leaning towards men and less towards women and the relationships were slowly becoming....uninteresting. Either for me or the other person. Around this time this was when the shit hit the fan hard and I had a mental breakdown and contemplated suicide (it wasn’t the first time). Yeah, surprise~. The package gets nastier. 

At this point, as many of you know, I was diagnosed with Attention Hyperactive Association Disorder (or ADHD) and I began taking medication which helped, but with the meditation beside it, this was where a nasty load of stuff boiled inside including:

Emotional and some Physical Abuse from my Parents

My mother almost killed me once. She nearly snapped my neck.

Emotional Abuse from Teachers and Peers in School

I was given a nickname that I just passively went with and in the end, I hated it. When I tried to change it, people didn’t listen to me. 

I gave my opinion about how I did not enjoy Glee on Facebook. I was shunned by nearly every music department student. 

Trust Issues that supported the Anxiety because of said Emotional Abuse (and for a point in my life, pretty sure I had Avoidant Personality Disorder)

I’ve been at the same job for over 2 years now and just last Friday I had to balls to tell someone my life was a dumpster fire. 

Depression because I couldn’t hold/meet expectations that I had imagined as being next to perfect standards because of past emotional abuse to be under the impression I could meet nothing less (thus over the years I lowered my expectations, yet nothing changed). Sometimes I had suicidal thoughts and the only reason I didn’t do it was because I thought felt good to suffer

In turn, because I was abused emotionally in a certain manner that I thought that it was okay to do so when I couldn’t get a grounding of having things in my control as well because of my conditioning or just try to be noticed. At the time, it was the only way I knew how to put the board in my favor. It was when I did this and my boss wrote me up that I just...became silent. People wondered why I didn’t talk and then when I did, it was (and sometimes still is) in the most passive tone of observation. Over time I did learn this was one of the most unwholesome things I could do and I have still lost my footing in times of despair that I go back to this way of talking because I’m conditioned to beat myself up when something bad happens (and even during this weekend’s retreat those unwholesome thoughts came up). 

So sorry for anyone I’ve hurt in the past because of this. I’ve disconnected with many because of my ignorance.

Thus the result of this toxic upbringing and my choice to follow it blindly led to a misunderstanding of relationships to the mundane level (romantic or platonic). Every situation that failed, I tried better. But it only felt worse since till this day every single one has failed, minus one or two, have all ended in some kind of disaster merely due to, what probably was my destructive behavior. 

Even now typing this dumpster fire was difficult. Because I have 3 ways of responding

1. I’m a Bot Beep Boop How are you? Good! That’s Good! 

2. I have a mask and there’s no one else here behind the ask

3. You sure you want to talk to ME? You sure you find me INTERESTING? You? Find me attractive?! Kay...Just warning you....*reveals the dumpster fire* You can go backward out the entrance door

So...yeah. I’ve never ‘felt’ until recently that my life “mattered”. That I was just...kind of an empty sponge. Day in, day out. Paying off debt for a job that I don’t even do anymore because I’m better at other things, like deduction. And working with data and information. 

But anywho....if you’ve made it this far in “My Journey to Find out Who the Heck I Am” Congrats, you made it to this weekend’s insight meditation retreat. Because it was both terrible and uplifting at the same time. 

yesterday we meditated for about 8ish hours and I wanted to kill myself (literally) from all the pain in my back. I questioned if I had to go see a chiropractor after it was all said and done. And then something came up that I noticed that I always was aware of.

The teacher kept referencing other teachers before her and near the end of it all when she would keep talking, the references were driving me nuts. Like, she just kept telling us to follow the Buddha like he was some holy person and it clicked: I don’t like organized religion because I’m being told how to do my practice. So when we went outside to walk, it all just kind of clicked when I found a bench off to the side of the business complex (our retreat was at our local sangha and non-residential). I sat on that bench and stared at the fence and the rain and said to myself ‘I am the River’, meaning I should go with the flow and acknowledge and be aware of any ripples made in me. 

And that everything that was being instructed on this retreat had been told to me from another source: all of my coworkers who probably have not sat on a cushion in their life. 

Today when we the teacher did a talk this morning about ‘self’ and ‘not self’, she, in short, repeated what I said from a quote by Thich Nhat Hanh (monk from Vietnam) about how we are not a river, but an ocean. 

And even though the teacher’s story was relatable, it clicked who “Crystal” was and where Stephen stood in Crystal’s life.

Crystal is made up of many individuals parts and is just...Crystal. Stephen is not a reflection, but one of those many parts. 

Even though I acknowledge this wisdom, I currently believe I do not (and might not) have the ability to return to my writings because of why I previously explained. It’s not you, it’s the current in the river. 

So thank you to everyone who has befriended me along the way and helped me down this path. 

Namaste.

*two minutes later* lemme find a Benedict Cumberbatch Buddhism gif to close this story, show me the money Google

GOD DAMN I-

[foofygoldfish]

so...if i were to ask for Alice all of the questions in section A, is that too much?

What of the Meyers-Briggs personality types they most fit into? INFP, ENFT, et cetera…

I believe I have her as INFJ!

What alignment are they? Chaotic neutral, lawful evil, et cetera…

….I apparently put her as neutral good, which sounds wayyyy too ‘good’ for her…. hmmmm…..

Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it?

She’s fully aware of her anxiety issues, but before Hope County, that’s about it. After the war? Major PTSD. That she pointedly ignores.

Are they a pessimist or an optimist?

…Realist. She tries to be an optimist.

Are they good at handling change in their life?

Mostly. Change is pretty common in her life, be it life-changing… changes…. (her dad dying, her mom joining a cult, the cult in general, etc), or small (friends, a job that’s impossible to have a routine in, etc). She kinda has to be good at dealing with change.

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t completely shut down with the biggest of changes - namely, the helicopter crash’s fallout.

Does your OC tend to assume their interpretation of events and reality is correct, or do they question it? I.e., “I’m sure that’s what you said” versus “It’s possible I misheard you.”

Most of the time, she does assume what she saw/heard is correct, though she learned to play humble when she was helping her uncle out at his job. After moving to Hope County, though, and her few early exposures to the bliss? She definitely started to second-guess herself more.

Is your OC confident in their reactions to life in general, or do they get embarrassed or easily shamed for it? I.e., if something startles them, do they insist it WAS scary? When they cry, do they feel like they overreacted?

It depends? She hates jump scares, and will try to defend her reactions to them, but crying can be either/or.

Is your OC a martyr?

Oh lord, is she. xD

Does your OC make a lot of excuses? For themselves? Others?

For others, definitely. If she sees that someone fucked up, or if someone was just late/sick/something happened that was out of their control, she’ll jump to their defence and say she was involved so the other person won’t be in as much trouble. For herself? It depends on the situation.

Does your OC compromise easily? Too easily?

Too easily. She’s stubborn as hell, but if a decent compromise is offered? She’ll seriously consider it, and likely accept it. The cult was pretty much her only exception to this - there’s a snowball’s chance in hell that she’ll make a deal with them.

Does your OC put others’ needs before their own?

Absolutely. She forgets to take care of herself sometimes, she’s so worried about other people.

Does your OC have any addictions? If so and problematic, have they admitted it to themselves?

Not really? She was a borderline alcoholic at one point, but she realised it was a problem, and she was able to majorly slow down. She still drinks, to excess sometime, but it’s nowhere near as bad as it used to be.

Does your OC have any phobias? If so, where did they come from?

For the obvious, driving - she never got over the car accident that killed her dad, and it was unfortunate that she moved to a city that all but requires a car, but she’s made a deal with Pratt and Hudson that they would both drive when they’re out on patrol.

She’s also terrified of moose. No reason, really, other than the fact that holy shit they’re bigger than she remembers.

Is your character empathetic?

Yes!

Is your character observant?

Sometimes lol. She’ll miss literal small details just because of her shit vision, but when it comes to audio stuff? She remembers that. If she was paying attention.

Does your OC have to go through their own trials to learn a lesson, or do they listen and learn from observation and lecture? I.e., does your OC listen when someone tries to tell them the importance of budgeting, or do they have to go experience what happens if you don’t budget first?

Again, depends on the situation - she’s learned some things the easy way and some things the hard way

What’s one of your OC’s proudest moments of themselves?

oh god i can’t think of anythiiiiiiing

Going with the easy one lol - getting each of the Heralds to step down. John was easy, because of her sister and their son, as was Faith, but Jacob was harder to convince.

Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do?

It depends? She doesn’t really get jealous over material goods, but sometimes, if someone’s blatantly flirting with her significant other and she sees it happening, she’ll swoop in and be super lovey and obvious that no, that’s her boy/girlfriend.

What instantly irritates them or puts them in a bad mood?

John lmao

Busywork, too - she likes to feel like what ever she’s doing has a purpose.

Are they harsh on themselves?

Oh, absolutely.

Do they make excuses often?

Not often? When she’s tired, yeah, she’ll make excuse to get out of whatever her plans were, but 

Is your OC intended to be found generally attractive? Unattractive? Average? Is there a reason why?

….Somewhat attractive? I didn’t set out for her to be, but god, her faceclaim is stunning lol. Alice sees herself as somewhat plain, just because she has the same general style as most of her old friends, but Faith certainly thinks she’s beautiful lol

Does your OC place much importance on their appearance? Do they feel confident in it?

She keeps up her cotton candy pink hair during a civil war with a cult. That should give you an idea of what she thinks. xD

What are some of your OC’s biggest personal obstacles? This could be emotional, physical, social… Are they aware of it? Are they trying to overcome it?

A literal obstacle: it took some convincing for her to go and make an appointment to get glasses. She isn’t fond of the idea of wearing them, but she’s given in.

She’s worked hard on getting better with driving - she’ll never be completely comfortable behind the wheel, but she’s more willing to drive than she was five years ago. Oddly, having her dad’s old beat-up truck back has helped her with this.

A game-specific obstacle: her crush on Faith. She denies it for so long, and is tougher on Faith’s Chosen and the Angels because of it, but once she accepts that her and Faith are going to be a Thing, she gets a little softer.

[kinghugin]

I kinda honestly have never been more ashamed to be apart of the western side of the fandom for anything. The western fandom for bnha is getting a little insane, hating on hori, bullying bakudeku shippers(literally being hypocrites), making anti pride flags, and latching onto small moments in the manga and taking them far out of context. I don't know what it's like anywhere else but I feel like it's the western side of the fandom(America specifically?) fault for the toxic shit that's goin on.

First, I am sorry this took me so long to reply to! It was oneof the busiest days in work for me today, but I have been coming back to thisask between clients. Secondly: anon are you okay? Please don’t let this crazy fandom get to you andstress you out. That being said, any of my followers - or anyone just poppingonto my blog for look around. Please, please, feel free to come to me if youneed to let of some steam. Come rant at me!! I will welcome you with open arms!Seriously I know sometimes it’s good to be able to let it all out and I am asalty hoe, so I am happy to listen to you bitch about antis, the fandom, life. Anything! Okay before I get started, I will warn you all that this is just me having arant and getting all my pent up aggression out lol

Now I know I don’t normally post anything to do with the fandom- though I do have a lot to say - Being a grown arse adult has taught me tohold my tongue And even though I don’t get involved all that much, that doesnot mean I don’t re-blog a metric shit tone of things I agree with, and I’mguessing this ask was sent after I re-blogged the Endeavour post.

And you know what anon! Iagree with you 110%. The way this fandom reacts and the way they spread theirhate is disgusting! NEWS FLASH ANTIS, bnha does not belong to you, it belongsto hori. He is allowed to do whatever the hell he wants with his own creations!If he wants to kill everyone off in the next chapter, then guess what? He isallowed too!! 

The way they are acting is sounhealthy. Like really? REALLY? It’s like them creating an OC and showing it tosomeone, just for this other person to go ‘oh I will give it this backstory and it will behave like this’ NO! You don’t get to choose that shit, it’snot your work and therefor you have no right to it!! Like I don’t know how thisis so hard to grasp? And anyone who says, ‘well its aimed at thisaudience’ so fucking what? that’s like saying baby clothes shops are aimed atmum’s so therefor mum���s can go in and take what they want, or bitch at thepeople creating the clothes until they get designs made how they want.... like,that argument makes no sense. Just b’cos it’s aimed for you don’t mean you ownit. That’s just common fucking knowledge. 

Like my job is aimed at teenagers and above, that don’t meanthey can come in and tell me how to fucking pierce people! Just because you arethe target audience does not mean that the service being sold/provided to youif solely for you. The service being aimed at you was created by ADULTS! It maynot have been created by adults for adults, but that does not mean that as anadult you can’t enjoy the service provided.

Do you know how many people in my school started singingbalamory when that came out? That was a program aimed at babies, and yet 16years olds watched it and belted it out full force in class. Like it don’t matterwho the target audience is, if you like it then you are allowed to enjoy it. It’sthat simple, end of fucking discussion.

And the abuse bakudekushippers go through on a daily basis! For a FICTIONAL SHIP! Because somefucking minor deemed it problematic. It scares me, because these people have togo out into the real world at one point and they are going to be in for theshock of their lives! Also if we’re going down the whole problematic road, likehave any of these antis read a fucking book? I can pick three books of mybookcase at random and find what they deem a problematic ship in each ofthem. Don’t believe me? Fucking ask me to do it! Fuck I can find like 3problematic ships in ONE BOOK SERIES ALONE! And guess what! Those books are allyoung adult novels. It’s like what these antis deem as problematic is actuallywhat real life people are like. Because god forbid that as a HUMAN you haveFAULTS that you are allowed to LEARN from and grown into a better person. 

But plus ultra I guess! 

As you can see I could keepranting about these antis for days but I am going to stop now. I’ll just leavea few last minute words. 

People who are in favour ofEndeavour’s redemption arc, you are valid. bakudeku shippers, you are valid. Anyonein this fandom who loves hori for the work he does and appreciates him fordealing with this shit and not calling it quits. YOU ARE VALID.

[hazuukashi]

I’m gonna go ahead and answer this here, because apparently posting an askbox reply with 18,000 characters in it breaks Tumblr and doesn’t let me post my response to the anon...

Mmm... I figured this did deserve an answer regardless who it was sent by, so I’ll at least give you that. Under the cut if you please~

I guess the first thing I’ll point out is there’s no need for an excuse as to ‘why I’ve disappeared for a week’. It really shouldn’t matter what I’ve been doin’ with my time, don’tcha think? But, actually. I haven’t gone far. I have been on Junpei and here, especially in IMs just like I’ve always been. Pretty sure people could vouch for that anyway.

Actually, I’ve been addicted to a couple new games, one of which I briefly posted about a couple days ago called Onmyoji. Not that it’s important to explain what game I’ve been playing, but eh, might as well have transparency when possible yeah?

That aside, and addressing the, I suppose you could say, meat of your anon here, truth be told, I haven’t actually read the entire thing so I don’t really know what entirely was said. I’ll try my best to address it though.

I do know there’s quite a bit of lying going on in what people have come to me about and it’s really interesting to see what people are thinking about the whole thing. I know I’ve been asked if I really spam people with ‘30+ messages’ which, my answer is no. It’s never been that much. I do type a lot and have a bunch of messages. Sometimes I say hi to people I genuinely like once a day because that’s the type of person I am! That’s not something that I personally find problematic, but maybe others found it as such. Actually, I’m fairly certain a part of this whole thing is because of that. It’s not that I don’t necessarily understand, but rather that I talk a lot, I’m very social and messages DON’T bother me. If I send one, it’s not that I’m expecting a reply right away but rather if you see it, reply to it. The only ones that I’ll send often are ones where I’m like good morning good afternoon night etc. It’s polite for me to do so, and I have genuinely no problems myself. I think a large part of that though then becomes ‘well you should know that people don’t want to talk to you so often’, to which I’d argue that... Y’know, I’m not expecting them to IMMEDIATELY talk to me. I message them because I like them? I wanna know about their day? Invasive? Perhaps to some, on a case by case basis but I wouldn’t say shit to others that I wouldn’t want said to me. Like, I have genuinely no issues with someone messaging me frequently and if I’m busy I’ll tell ‘em that I’ll reply in a little. It’s absolutely a difference of comfort zones and I get that. I’d apologize in that regard if people feel like they’re pressured to talk to me or if I talk too much? Of course I understand the sentiment. I’m not exactly great with respecting the BOUNDARY of some people if they’re purposely ignoring me for example though. I’ll still say yo or whatever and I don’t expect a message back until they outright say stop.

I’ve also been told, and this was a funny thing from a previous incident involving privatulo and friends that I ‘blog stalk’ and like to ‘stalk IPs’. Wellllll yes and no. See, I don’t stalk blogs. I’m frankly not even sure what that’s supposed to mean. I am aware of people who post about me though, and I’ll openly admit it’s usually because a friend tells me something and I ask them who it is so I can look for myself. If that’s a crime, then I apologize. As to the IP stalking, well, actually yes. I do do that. I’ve never exactly hidden the fact that I have an IP tracker on my blogs. Statcounter to be precise. And I’m well aware that many blogs also have statcounter so I’m not entirely sure why having it up alone on my blog is problematic. What I actually use my statcounter for is to track who sends anons and who visits my blog from outside links. For example, if you link my blog in a google doc and click on that link, I’ll know you went from a google doc to my blog. Same with Discord. I won’t know your identity, and honestly, nor do I really care about it in most circumstances. Where the ‘stalking’ comes in is when, for example, a certain individual thinks they’re sneaky and sends anon hate but forgets that they’re a partner of mine. There was a recent incident with a certain ex-friend of mine in the same group of people as above that got caught sending anon hate to me. How did I find out? They visited my ask link to my blog, statcounter caught the location of their IP and told me that they were in fact a partner of mine (as one of their visits was from their own /followers link that only THEY could access while on their blog when clicking their followers for example). It’s not exactly stalking, moreso putting two and two together. They of course admitted to it and that was that.

As far as this situation with a certain other mun that has actually been extremely aggressive towards myself, I’m not apologetic and won’t be. I’ve made it very clear that I’m not gonna get along with ‘the minor’ that people keep saying I ‘abused’, aside from the one that got caught for sending anon hate. I’ll go ahead and say that this particular individual (not the anon hate one) and I have had multiple discussions and I did apologize that they had to find out that Miles and I vented to each other about their behavior. But honestly? I’m not apologetic for saying what I felt at the time. Not only were they trashing the way that a certain group was run, they were cocky, full of themselves, and beyond aggressive. And even after this post came out, they eventually proceeded to actually tag me in a post, which I liked not as a sign of hostility but rather that I’ve read it since I was tagged. This individual claimed they were ‘the best DR oc’ in the community, continued to trash on a group and salted for not being allowed in, and when I said it was disgusting behavior to Miles, that was leaked as an act of hostility and spite. And not only that, but I didn’t even know that was happening until the user rushed into my IMs going “YOU! YOU’RE GOING TO EXPLAIN TO ME RIGHT NOW” etc. etc. on a blog where I didn’t even know it was them. Yeah... Honestly, I don’t exactly feel apologetic enough on this one. Hate me if you want, but I genuinely don’t think my feelings were out of line here. Like I’m sorry you had to be exposed to private salt, sure. That was never going to be spread to a ton of different people.  And I was also alerted to the fact that they had drawn NSFW art, by three different people, Miles included had said this. And I’m thinking, well lemme see. Sure enough, there was enough NSFW images that made me go: Well this is interesting and not okay considering I had been told they were around 16-17 of age and not of the local legal age to do so. However, the funny part is, it wasn’t actually me that spread it around. There were maybe two people (I’m thinking actually one) that wasn’t in the group when it was mentioned. Did I spread shit about this user? Mmm, no. You wanna know why? Because the group that it was talked about in all saw it thanks to a certain person that’s been called out as well. I’m sure some people remember Jael. They showed us, about all TWENTY or so of us I might add, the screenshots in the private Discord group showing their salty behavior and the potential NSFW drawings were discussed later. So let’s get the facts straight there at least. I’m not going to say I like the user, and I do think they did things wrong. I’m sorry that word got out there as much as it did, as they have claimed in a few posts I’ve seen, but otherwise... I’m genuinely not sorry for saying that I felt like the claims that they drew NSFW art in general as a minor and acted the way they did was considered by myself as ‘toxic’ behavior, because... Well..? I think that’s completely fair to say it was by the group’s standards.

I think that’s mostly what I have to address from what I’ve been talked to about. I will say a few more things though. The first is this: The concept of me ‘using people for information’ isn’t new. These rumors started ever since the Sonny drama from long ago. Those are largely true. I did indeed use Sonny and a couple others (I’m not name dropping them this time) for information, and I did indeed once say, and I quote: “I’m not here to make friends as a primary objective”. Which, in fact, I wasn’t. This was my stance pre-summer last year, but of course things have indeed changed to the point where I would say it’s now the reverse, and some people don’t seem to understand that. I do actually like making friends on here, and that’s one of my main objectives. To address the anon, I’ve... Literally been in IMs talking to people more than posting because I genuinely like talking to people here and on Discord. I love it! As a friend of certain people, I absolutely believe that if someone that I’m NOT friends with is talking shit about a friend of mine, I’m going to tell them. Maybe that’s a bad attitude to have, but I have went to bat on numerous occasions for not only individuals that I love and cherish on here and have really formed bonds with them on an OOC level, but also for groups of people that have been attacked as a collective, and yeah, of course nobody’s asked me to do this, but I want to. I feel like it’s necessary for me to see the truth of the matter.

In regards to this issue, I haven’t spoken about one specific thing: Two of the people involved. I’m actually quite well aware of their feelings as I’ve stated. They’ve made it very clear. One thing I will point out is that a message was indeed sent to them in an attempt for them to read a document that contained the feelings of a few people (not many mind you, but more than just me I’ll admit)  both in IM and in their ask box OFF anon. Supposedly this wasn’t sent to them, although Tumblr had indeed told me it was. I don’t think I was blocked, at least Tumblr didn’t say I was, but perhaps I was? Or Tumblr fucked up again. Of course the link still exists with its original creation date too as further proof that this was the intended route.

In regards to my post on Junpei, no, it wasn’t actually a callout. The purpose, albeit misunderstood understandably so, was rather because I had received a few asks and IMs and even a couple discord messages going ‘what is going on Dustin’. My logic was as such: If things are being spread to others that I haven’t ever talked to before about the issue, how was it being spread? Well, I’m not even sure about the answer to this day, though I have my guesses, and honestly, the post was a last resort dumping of ‘this is what’s happening if you want an answer’.

And this is where I’d say yeah, I absolutely fucked up. There’s quite a few things that happened here. Of course people assumed it was a callout. The way it was written was attacking King, at least in tone, and there technically wasn’t a need to ever make anything public, and although it had been believed that the google document had ‘gone ignored and they continued to spread the drama privately through IMs’ and Tumblr, I presume, fucked up the chances of resolving it privately easily, the end result was rushed and made public unnecessarily. I’ll absolutely apologize for that. I’m not apologizing for the feelings from myself in the post, as that was absolutely a factor. They were proven to have talked to others all under the assumption that I ‘was immediately going to write a public callout’, which... Yeah, I mean I’ve done three times before on this blog... It’s completely reasonable to think that especially from what was said to Anna? But nah, that was never going to be the situation. Involving others into the public post for any reason (again, not naming names, but they know who they are considering they were removed from the post upon request because it wasn’t ever saying they were a bad person but simply addressing an issue they had with being put in my rules) is problematic and I did issue an apology, and an offer to at least say so privately to them which I believe they respectfully and understandably declined.

Back to the anon, have I ignored the callout? For the most part, I would say so. Whatever’s on there is truly what people feel and that’s acceptable for them to think that. Have I done things wrong? Hm. I believe so, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say maltreatment with intent, at least not lately. There’s one individual that I believe you’re referring to in particular to the ‘maltreatment’ at the very least, to which I’ll say, honestly? No. I didn’t. Having a panic attack at work and telling them that I’m not going to talk to them while they’re at work was an act of caring, despite others perhaps not thinking so. I know if I was at work, I would be fired for being on my phone for any amount of time, and stressing about it in the moment or having an argument that could be lengthy isn’t the way to go. I would rather talk about it AFTER work ended, and at least I thought that would be a reasonable solution to the issue until they could spend some time talking to me. Using their screenshots perhaps wasn’t the way to go about it in the end, but there’s much more that needs to be considered here. I’d like to point out that this individual was absolutely all for talking it over with King from the get-go, even explaining that they’d want me to bring them into investigation work more often since we were ‘both justice arcana’ supposedly. The issue I presented to them was that this issue couldn’t be talked about publicly NOR privately without King knowing that they had told me they had said these things in reference to me since... I mean... It’s really not hard to keep track of who you say what to. If I told someone a very specific sentence, it wouldn’t be hard to look into my IMs and find out who I told it to and figure out their identity... I told them that King would probably not like that and MOST likely hate them for sharing their conversation. There’s no maltreatment here. Perhaps not understanding their sense of comfort etc. though. I mean, the only time they had mentioned not wanting to be involved, they outright said so and I told them the following: If it’s discussed about, chances are he would still know, but regardless, I would try my best not to involve them and honestly? I told them numerous times that they didn’t have to do anything and it was fine. Because it was. It’s blunt but they genuinely didn’t have to do anything. They made their point clear. The only time their screenshots were eventually used was when they themselves blocked me, told King that they had talked about them to me and ‘possibly made it worse for King’ and called it quits. At that point, yeah, I have no allegiances to them and I was going to use their screenshots since they already just told King that shit happened? Actually, the callout in question here ended up being the private document that I already explained before.

With that outta the way, do I intend to ‘apologize’? Well, I mean yeah. Despite what’s been said, I do think of myself as MOSTLY reasonable, with the exception of when people attack me or my friends. I’ve always said I’m never the first to do anything but if you attack me or come for me I will bite back, and I think that’s a fair, albeit aggressive motto to live by here. I’ve already been reasonable and mentioned that one person’s mention in my Junpei post wasn’t hostile towards them but addressing a complaint they had. They’re... Genuinely not a bad person? And I told a friend of theirs to tell them that. I’m not sure what exactly was relayed, but I held up my end of the request by removing their name and paragraph and changing the tags appropriately to better match the intent of the post. I offered to say anything they wanted me to in regards to my intentions, addressing concerns and apologizing for things if there’s things that need apologizing for. In my opinion, there are, of course. And some have been highlighted in this post. Some mistakes were made, some information was misconstrued both on my end and others’, but I can apologize for some of the information on my side and actions that came from it. I genuinely don’t have ill will towards most people on this matter, because I mean... When you think about it, I had even told two different people involved that this was a private issue at first. A ‘callout’ is used for those that are insanely toxic, think, y’know, suicide baiting, extreme racism, se.xualization of minors etc. etc. This mainly spawned from talking behind backs, namedropping privately and a difference of opinion, at least my first actions and words were. That’s not exactly callout material; Trust me, I’d know. So no, I don’t think I have ill will towards anybody really that was involved, and of course I’ll gladly talk to people that want to know more; even those individuals involved. I’m not gonna sit around and pray or force myself to talk to them and ‘try to be one big happy family’ or whatever, but anybody that knows me decently knows that I’m usually pretty big on bluntness and transparency. Anything about my intentions, feelings, thoughts, actions, whatever. Yeah, I’ll gladly mention ‘em to whoever wants to know if they’re involved. Hell, they can bring a mediator if they want to or have a group of friends with them in a private chat; It’s their right and it’s fair so why not, yeah?

Now THAT’S about everything I’d hafta say on the matter in regards to the anon. TL;DR: Sure, whoever wants more information or an apology if warranted, yeah, I’m reasonable enough to talk it out and accept whatever the end result is? I don’t exactly ‘hide’ from things like this anyway. 

[cvptaingiordano]

☀💀♦❤👑

the salty af munday meme ( only accepting - monday )

omfg this is long so it’s going under a read more

☀ What’s your rp pet peeve?

oh my f u c k are we really going here ??there’s two thinks rp wise that i cannot stand no matter how many times i’ve tried to get over them - understand them. One is something that everyone i think has ; I HATE having my dash cluttered by anyone spam posting 50 threads at once. g o d if you wanna post them queue them or just do one at a time don’t throw them all out there ;/THE SECOND ONE IS when people don’t cut posts o r don’t continue a meme on a separate thread. no one wants to see something so long on the dash (  note the cutting post thing can be justified if one is mobile  ) literally , copy paste the meme reply onto something else it doesn’t even take you ten seconds to do so.cutting posts you’ve got xkit , sorted you’re good to go , fabulous !!also big gifts or just huge ones in threads ;( please don’t

☠ What does someone have to do for an instant unfollow from you?

oh there’s many things yeah ?? so just sit down and listen to my ass-  when soemone starts playing the victim card when they began drama , i hate that.-  spreading h a t e , or being t o x i c. i’m as fast as a raptor when it comes to noticing when    someone is problematic (  *cough* a c u n t *cough* ) and toxic or just rude. note i don’t   identify or link , rude with cursing , i consider rude someone that is completely disrespectful   towards other people and - or their opinions. keep your shitty attitude to yourself really - if   you don’t that’s basically earning an unfollow from me:D   the last thing i want is logging on tumblr to find my inbox filled with hate mail or someone   else i dearly care for being hated on. it sucks ; even though getting hate just makes me   laugh tbh (  that’s just me though , i will fight u if u send hate to anyone  ) , i will protect   all kind users with all my heart.-  repeatedly breaking my rules after i’ve kindly told you not to :/- starting shit with me for no goddamn reason , and not stopping when i’ve stated i don’t   want to take part in drama :/- stealing someone’s content. there’s free resources out there and you’re able to write things  yourself , so stop stealing people’s stuff , thanks.BASICALLY TO SUM IT UP , BE KIND AND YOU WON’T BE UNFOLLOWED LMAO

♦ What was a mildly annoying thing that has happened to you rp wise?

okay let’s start i’ll go in depth with one lil story bc if i already got started with tea we might as well go fully in with all of this , yeah ?? leggo story time !!

story time !! i once joined a roleplay group because of an ex friend , and i played a canon muse to ship with theirs and it was terrible because i never even watched x show further than season two and all of this was when x was on season 5 and i basically didn’t have muse all the way through , but i played x for over an entire year because they claimed x was very similar to an oc i used to play ( oc that eventually turned into theirs bc i just adapted x to the ship tbh , sucks but yeah i was an insecure lil shit to say anything back then ) and i never even had fun but anyways - we get to summer 2016 i’m fed up i lost all my muse even on my old multi so i went on a hiatus , i waited for it to come back it didn’t and then they began going at me for procrastinating and just playing league (  NOTE HOW IT SEEMS THAT RP HAS TURNED INTO A JOB ?? ) anyways i got fed up and joined a scream RPG and made mason , a few weeks later i quit the RPG of before , i move mason to indie and the scream rpg dies

          that’s how mason was born !! and there u go a story !!anyways that was annoying, having to write a character i never liked.

♥ What’s the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?

god you’re really going in for the tea aren’t you ;) personally while IC the worst one was having to morph a gentle boy into a sex god for the sake of smut back when i was 14-15 i think ?? was the worst , i h a t e d i t HATED it , but i bit through that because of x friend i though it was worth for - lol , you thought lorena. now i look back at it and i’m just disgusted by it all tbh. i’m just like pls no why did you watch smut lorena :((((((((((

anyways if we’re talking about ooc stuff the worst probably is when people start shit for no reason , but that isnt’t too bad anyway since usually in these situations they end up making a clown out of themselves whether it’s through im’s , group chat’s or just calling out posts … basically it turns into a comedy show after a while. I mean … i take the piss out of everything involving drama after 24 hours so ya know. I’m glad I’ve changed over these past five years i’ve spent online , back when i was 13-15 i used to BEG people to not leave me because i had no one else , now i just don’t give a shit and block the second you cross the line so … :/ i guess sometimes changing is good ya know. but there’s always some people that gotta be aware that it doesn’t happen over the course of a week , or instantly - it happens over a long period of time. humans are like pokemons , we evolve out of our own stupidity - we MATURE , some just need a little push to do so , or they don’t at all ☕🐸

♚ How many people don’t like you?

hmm i’m not sure , but i’d say at least 3 , - 2 which i am a 100% sure of

[jasonbrennerold]

wyd if i told u to do 1-38 👀

the ‘be honest’ meme / @afterburied

ok below the cut bc this is a Long One

1. What would prevent you from following someone?

generally speaking just kinda if our writing doesn’t mesh? but also on different blogs i have different kind of vibes if you know what i mean? like here on jason i’m not likely to follow historical/extreme fantasy blogs if they don’t have some form of modern verse bc i just don’t see him in those settings, i also tend to avoid anyone who says they dont like multis/ocs even if it doesn’t apply on the blog im on bc uh we love multis and ocs here. sometimes if a blogs new i wont follow, but sometimes i will it just depends on the vibe lmao. sometimes aesthetics/etc will play a role but mostly it’s just based on rules/meshability

2. Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why?

yes and no? like i won’t shun anyone for having “bad” aesthetics or anything, but i hold my own personal aesthetic to a higher regard? like, if someones aesthetic makes things unreadable/impossible to navigate then i hate it, but like i don’t care about other peoples aesthetic that much. if it’s pretty i definitely see the blog in a better light which im trying not to do, but mostly it’s my own aesthetics that matter to me and that’s just because i simply need to be perceived positively at all times

3. What current rp trend do you hate?

i don’t think there are any i really hate? as long as trends aren’t harmful i dont care much.

4. How do you explain rp to someone in the real world?

i don’t lmao the only person who knows about rp irl is my inner circle, and they know it as rp bc at least one of them has actually been in the rp world

5. Do you prefer interacting with male muses or female more? Why?

i don’t really have much preference? all genders bring in their own potential for different plots and dynamics and i love them all equally. but female muses and muses that don’t conform to the male/female binary are always favorites because they deserve more appreciation

6. Do you prefer writing male muses or female more? Why?

this one was actually hard to answer because like? i don’t know? i write plenty of both, and i feel like i prefer males, but also i think that’s just because of the way males tend to be treated over females? like some of my female muses are That Muse that never goes away, but because females tend to be more ignored or people just don’t read their info it’s never as fun writing them

7. What’s your opinion on call out posts?

sometimes they’re necessary, sometimes they’re not. i don’t really read them? unless it’s a callout that comes across my dash a lot or revolves around someone i know/write with. if it’s a legit predator then i say go off, but if it’s something petty or spiteful i think it just makes all parties involved look kinda bad.

8. Name any three things about the rpc that bother you.

answered here.

9. What is your opinion on exclusivity? Do you practice it? Why / why not?

i have in the past, i don’t really presently. i think sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad, and really depends on the fandoms/characters involved. like currently i have lea as my exclusive stiles and earth as my exclusive carol because they have such intense connections to jason and are literally a part of his backstory/canon so it would feel really strange to have another version of that muse come along and try to either fit the dynamic or ignore it. that said i have in the past had exclusives where it felt like i was trapped in it or didn’t get to explore more dynamics because of it, so it can be a win or a lose dependent on the person you’re exclusive with and what they’re like.

10. Have you ever had a bad experience with commissions? As either someone who makes them or as someone who buys them?

not really, no. i don’t think i’ve ever actually commissioned anyone, and the people who have commissioned me in the past have generally been really nice. there’s been a few times where people really don’t know what they want or change their mind constantly or just ghost before we get anywhere, but mostly it’s been a good experience for me.

11. What do you know now about rp that you wish you knew when you first started?

that literally nothing matters. who cares. take as long as you want, remake as much as you want. yes this is a hobby that depends on other people somewhat, but that doesn’t mean that everything you do should revolve around them. take mental health breaks, write in prose, have a super minimalist or super maximalist aesthetic. who gives a shit, this is about having fun.

12. Have you been involved in drama? Do you regret it?

answered here.

13. Have you ever thought about leaving rp? What caused it? What changed your mind?

answered here.

14. Do you think rp has had a positive or negative affect on your life or you as a person?

oh a huge positive effect on both for sure. there are times that it’s been bad for my mental health, but i’ve also met so many brilliant people and had so much fun doing this. half of my facebook friends list is people i’ve befriended through rp (and yes this is an invite to anyone i talk to a lot to ask for my facebook if u want it)

15. How has rp changed you personally?

i started rping in 2012 when i was 14. rp was my main hyperfixation through high school, with me spending most days in class on tumblr rather than doing work. i shaped my entire life around rp for a long time, and while that was extremely unhealthy it was also a huge formative thing for me. tumblr and roleplaying are so ingrained into who i am at this point, it’s literally changed my life. the friends i made through rp, especially in my high school years, were a life changing thing. i had one or two friends in high school, but i was heavily bullied and widely hated and rp really did save me from really fully sinking into thinking that’s what everyone thought of me

16. If you could change one thing about rp on tumblr, what would it be? Why?

i think it would mostly just be the accessibility and ease of it? i miss the days where you didn’t have to be mutuals to write, and how it was just so easy to get things going and have meaningless fun. i love my mutuals and i love plotted threads but i truly think there was something so easy about starting a blog and immediately having threads and people to write with. lately tumblr has become a place where it’s so easy to be ignored or feel like no one wants to write with you, and i really miss the days where there was always someone there who wanted to write with you and be friends.

17. Have you ever sent a message to yourself on anon? Why?

literally all the time lmao. my positivity blog is 50% me sending myself anons because people very rarely send them in. people follow positivity blogs to hear positivity about themselves but never send any in which makes it difficult. i don’t want to seem like my positivity blog is focused only on my mutuals, but i also don’t have much i can say about non-mutuals without it feeling fake so it’s a rough balance. i also send myself anonymous headcanon questions all the time bc no one else is gonna do it for me

18. Have you ever sent hate to yourself on anon? Why?

i think i did once or twice in like 2014 because i was a 16 year old who wanted attention. mostly it was just like i’d posted something that i knew would be controversial in the fandom and wanted to send myself the hate while i had a comeback in mind rather than wait for someone else to say it and feel bad lmao

19. Do you delete anon hate or post and address it? Why?

i tend to post/address it. it’s a bummer to get anon hate and i know i should delete it but i’ll see it and be like ‘oh everyone thinks this’ so i post it so that everyone can see and be like ‘yeah’ but then they’re like ‘this is bullshit’ and i have a moment of like... oh... people... dont hate me?

20. Have you ever felt pressured to write something you weren’t comfortable with?

i dont think so, not that i remember at least.

21. Have you ever followed someone because you felt like you had to, not because you wanted to?

yeah, a few times. i tend to feel that way less now but i still do it sometimes. i know there’s not really any pressure, but sometimes breaking mutuals with people you don’t click with feels really hard

22. What would make you block someone?

not a lot, really? like not for hard blocks. i’ll softblock when i do unfollow sprees or if we don’t really mesh. i only hardblock people who spam me, personals and like. actual problematic people.

23. Have you ever stolen something from someone else?

not that i’m aware of. 

24. Have you ever had something stolen from you? If so, how did you handle it?

again, not that i’m aware of.

25. Are you open to duplicates? Why / why not?

this doesn’t apply to jason, but generally yeah. it depends on the muse really. im not open to duplicates on beth (multimuses aside) because of how she’s a comfort character for me and i’ve had some Bad Experience with other beths in the past, and theres a few muses i write from smaller fandoms that don’t have duplicates but that i wouldn’t want duplicates for. mostly though im chill.

26. How do you feel about vague posting?

i don’t love it, but i am guilty of it too. sometimes u gotta vague to get things out, but i don’t like vagues where that person is likely to see it? idk i just don’t like vagues but i wont stop you

27. Do you follow people even if they don’t follow you back?

sometimes, but not really. i used to do it a lot, but since people are so intense on mutuals only these days i get heaps of anxiety about accidentally liking something when i think we’re mutuals but we’re not

28. Do you read people’s rules before following or interacting?

i try to. a lot of people don’t have mobile friendly info (note that linking to pages on your blog like a /rules or /about isnt actually mobile friendly, you can’t use those links in the app) and i spend a lot of time on mobile, but i usually just wont follow back until i can read them and then i double check rules for triggers and stuff whenever plotting/sending memes/etc.

29. What is your opinion on “reblog karma” and do you practice it?

i don’t love it and i don’t practice it, but i get it. it sucks to have people reblog things from you without sending, especially headcanon/ooc stuff. i won’t ever force people though, especially with ic stuff, sometimes certain memes just don’t fit and that’s okay.

30. How have you responded to popular slang used on tumblr? Do you use it in every day life? Do you use it at all?

probably? i type the same as i talk pretty much, anything you see me type is something i’d say

31. Is there something you don’t know the meaning of but you haven’t asked anyone because you think it’s supposed to be general knowledge? Was there ever something you had to ask someone to explain?

i dont think so. generally i google things if i don’t know it.

32. Have you ever experienced discrimination?

not that i’m aware of. i guess people ignoring female ocs and loving male canons might sorta be it, but nothing personal about me no

33. How do you feel about personal blogs following your rp blog?

not a fan, tend to block them. personals just tend to get into my shit and rb stuff and it’s annoying. that said, if it’s someone i know from the rp community’s personal they can stay

34. Have you ever cried while writing a reply?

literally all the time. every angsty reply.. i cry so easily

35. Do you read other people’s threads or do you only read your own?

i read so many other peoples threads, especially people i interact with a lot. i read @unheaven and @aphostate‘s threads like the morning paper i love them

36. What’s one thing that other people seem to hate that doesn’t bother you?

i don’t know that anyone really hates things that much?? oh, but 13rw is a big one i guess. the show helped me mentally and i have muses on my multi, but i know the majority of the rpc is very much against it

37. How do you feel about tagging triggers? Do you tag them? How do you determine what is triggering content and what isn’t?

i try to, but i don’t ever really know when exactly things need to be tagged. i use the ‘ask to tag //’ tag a lot for things that im not sure about. generally speaking triggers go untagged unless it’s intense/graphic, but there’s always warnings in my rules about what i don’t tag

38. What advice would you give to someone new to rp?

don’t take it too seriously. it’s a hobby, it’s for fun. these people will not care if you use aesthetic vibes or if you’re a minimalist, they just want your writing. don’t guilt trip people into writing with you, read and respect rules. i don’t know, just treat people how you wanna be treated. rp is a small world, word travels, people know when people are the type to ignore important things.