#I listened to young men like four times yesterday. Have any of you guys heard it? it sucks.

[cactus-cactus-cactus]

Liking a good musical is all well and good, but liking a BAD musical? Ohoho. I'm in hell.

[imaginesbymk]

“Call in Sick Tomorrow.”

Reservoir Dogs One Shot

Summary: During his final moments, Freddy recalls the events from the robbery and the night before, where you find out who he really is, and because of your job as the retail jeweler at the same store the criminals plan the heist at, you showed up at the wrong place, at the wrong time.

Pairing: Mr. Orange/Freddy Newandyke x Reader

Tags: swearing, angst + violence, guns/shooting, robbery + blood

Non Requested

Word Count: 2,289

Author’s Note: not me simping for a young tim roth lmfaksmwksksksk ugh</3 hope y’all like it - leave a like/reblog + feedback!!!

THE cop who was covered in his own pool of blood from his gunshot wound, was now practically sticking to the dusty warehouse ramp. He laid there for a good fifteen minutes, maybe more or less, who was there to count? His company wasn’t making things better, either. “Listen to me, Marvin... listen to me, Marvin Nash, I’m a cop.”

“Yeah, I know.” The other bloodied cop, Marvin Nash, was tied up and had his ear cut off by Mr. Blonde, all he could do was bicker and moan in pain and rage. 

“You do?” The first cop asks.

“Yeah, your name’s Freddy something.”

“Newandyke,” he said. “Freddy Newandyke.”

“Frankie Ferchetti introduced us about five months ago.”

Freddy shakes his head. His wound definitely didn’t cause him memory loss. He was just too clueless to acknowledge colleagues, that was something he was aware of and he needed to work on it. “Shit, I don't remember that at all.”

“I do.” Marvin Nash coughs a bit of blood. “Freddy. How do I look?”

Freddy winces out a chuckle. “What? I don't know what to tell you, Marvin.” How do you look? If I told you, I’d be lucky you’re tied up.

“That fuck. That sick fuck! That fuckin' bastard!” 

“Marvin, I need you to hold on. There's cops waiting to move a block away.”

“What the fuck are they waiting for? This fuckin' guy, he slashes my face… and cuts my fuckin' ear off! I'm fuckin' deformed!” Marvin cries out.

Freddy clenches his jaw. How the fuck do you think I feel over here, asshole? “FUCK YOU! Fuck you, my love of my fucking life is gone! I’m fuckin’ dyin’ here! Y/N is gone and I’m fuckin’ dyin’!”

Marvin Nash, a bloodied cop who was now “fucking deformed”, really had no idea how bad the fellow cop’s current state was. Both of them were in pain, but one of them was gonna die first.

Freddy calms down a bit to explain the upcoming events he hopes to happen anytime soon. He was bleeding pretty bad, and it hurt like hell. “They're not to make a move 'til Joe Cabot shows up. I was sent in to get him. Alright? You heard 'em. They said he's on his way.” Marvin lets out a soft breath. Relief was touching a bit of his soul, now all is left is to wait it out, and listen to the sounds of rattling bullets and yells from cops out of one ear. 

“Don't pussy out on me now, Marvin,” Freddy says. “We're just gonna sit here and bleed… 'til Joe Cabot sticks his fuckin' head through that door.”

Marvin whimpers, then takes a long pause. “Freddy?”

Freddy looks up at Marvin Nash once more, lying on his arm for support, his body feeling like a throbbing stubbed toe. “Freddy?” Marvin talks about the giant elephant in the room. “What even fucking happened?”

THE last thing Freddy needed was to end up falling for you while he’s undercover. While he’s good at hiding his true identity from the recruits, he was also good at hiding it from you, but it wasn’t what he wanted in the first place. 

Freddy would never lie to you, but you don’t know that your boyfriend is actually a cop and not a cool bad boy that took care of weed for customers. It pained Freddy to lie to you about who he was. He never even told you that his name was Freddy, only to refer to him as his alias, Mr. Orange, but you paid no mind to it. You loved the mysterious thrill he had, even if that meant calling him a color most commonly known in a fruit.

To this day, he still wonders why you would want to date someone with such a dangerous persona. You made a living working at the same store the recruits were planning the heist at -  Karina’s Wholesale Diamonds, and you were allowed to wear the jewelry that was sold and refined there. You never came to think Mr. Orange was ever gonna steal from you, holding you at gunpoint? Rob your store while his face is covered then he kisses you goodnight hours after?

And so, Freddy’s confession and his first and last fight with you happened the night before the heist. A stressful twelve hours, and it all started with you throwing his police badge on the coffee table, right on top of his Marvel catalog. 

“You’ve been staring at that thing for a whole minute now,” you said, standing stiff as a statue, towering over him on the couch. 

Mr. Orange scrunches his nose. “It was from a cop back in Torrance. The fucker most likely lost his job for carelessly leaving it on a bench.”

“You’ve visited Torrance?”

He nodded. “Y/N, I kept that badge in one of my stashes. You and I agreed to not go through each other’s shit like that - y’know, outta respect?”

“I know that, but you asked me to get your TV guide from one of the drawers. You said you keep it next to your stash, I may not have found pot but I definitely found that.” You nod at the badge. 

Orange shrugs. “I don’t know what to tell you, babes, but that ain’t mine. Also I ran outta weed, that’s why I haven’t been making any sales lately.”

“You must suck at reeling customers in,” you took out your other hand hidden behind your back, now throwing four poorly folded sheets of paper stapled together right next to the badge. “Otherwise why the hell would you have this; an annotated script about you delivering weed to people, the same words you told me about how you walked into the men’s room with a big bag of weed in front of a couple of  cops and a dog?”

Orange was silent. You knew he was lying. Silence was as painful as spewing out another lie. Not once has there ever been a close call, but now he was trapped with no words to come out his mouth. Even if he did have something to say, each lie he told you felt like he was throwing daggers at your heart. He couldn’t take it anymore.

“Orange, is there something you’re not telling me?” Orange merely frowned and got up from the couch, eyeing you up and down. He looked tired from whatever he did the whole day and resting on the couch while watching a movie on the TV was well needed. That, but he was tired of sleeping next to you while a police badge was taunting him in one of the drawers.

“I don’t sell weed, y/n. And the police badge wasn’t from Torrance.”

“So all of that... you smuggling weed in a bowling bag?” you scoff, feeling your blood boil. “You just made that up?”

“Y/n- baby” he starts.

“What the hell? Why would you make that up?” you ask.

“It’s what I had to do,” Orange says. 

You scoff. “Right. That was your way of making friends or to get free drinks, or even getting me to sleep with you?”

“It’s not like that, it was never like that.”

“This is so fucked up!” Hearing you say that made Freddy’s heart fall into a thousand pieces. “Tell me the truth, Orange, if that’s even your fucking name. Who gives birth, looks at their child and goes, ‘Your name is Orange’? As if your kid won’t ever get bullied from that.”

“That’s because that isn’t my fucking name. It’s an alias.”

You shook your head. “Okay, then. Who the fuck are you?”

He clenched his eyes shut, and opened them, wishing you disappeared out of his sight. “Look at my badge.”

You slowly hunched over the table, picking up the badge. You raised a brow at him.

“I want you to hold it while I tell you. My real name is Freddy Newandyke. I’m working undercover for a diamond heist formed by Joe Cabot... the group of criminals he hired are gonna rob your store, stuff a briefcase full of diamonds worth a college tuition, and they’re gonna break it apart, pawn it, whatever fulfills their need.”

“You’re a cop,” you say, confirming what he said was true. Otherwise, that could have been another lie.

He nodded. “I work for the LAPD.”

“What else?”

A pause, then he traces his finger on your hand before curling it with his. “I love you.” His face softens. “My name’s Freddy Newandyke. I’m a cop. The gang I’m undercover for is gonna rob your store tomorrow, and I love you.”

You slowly nodded, looking down at the badge in your other hand. There were no signs of a lie in his tone of voice. His name seems legit, and of course, you loved him, too. “Why didn’t you tell me... Freddy?”

“Because you go after guys that would do the things I told in my story, fellas who you fantasize of having a fucking Bonnie and Clyde ride or die bullshit with, and not me - a cop who geeks out over Marvel.”

“You’re saying my work is being targeted for a heist?” you said. “And you’re part of it?”

Freddy nodded. “You think I’m ever gonna rob you, lie to your face like that? Then walk out of your life, take off just like that - and never see you again?”

“You’ve been lying to me.”

“I’m sorry for lying to you, and whether I told you about who I was or not, I don’t want you involved. Crime gets you in trouble, being undercover puts you in danger,” Freddy kisses your forehead. “You can get caught stealing and smuggling drugs, you can get caught slipping out of character if you’re not careful. You can’t win.”

You tried walking around the couch to disperse into the kitchen, but Freddy stopped in front of you. “I wasn’t born yesterday, asshole. I know what an undercover cop is, if your cover gets blown, you’re fucked.” You crossed your arms. “So what else is gonna happen?”

“We planned this; cops are gonna show up on time, as long as a gun doesn’t go off, we’ll be okay, and the men will be in cuffs as well as Joe Cabot. But listen to me, I don’t want you to show up to work tomorrow, I don’t want you there, I don’t want to have a man in a suit point a gun at your face, and I definitely don’t want you to be a hero,” Freddy says, cupping both your cheeks. “That’s my job.”

“I’m freakin’ pissed at you, but I’m not gonna stay home.” You took his hands off your face.

“I’d rather let myself get caught by a bunch of criminals than have your life threatened by criminals.”

“You’re willing to do that?”

“Anything for you.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Getting hurt is part of the job. Y/n, you can’t be a hero. Not like that.”

“Freddy-”

“Y/n, please.” Freddy begs, his face tightening. “If you can’t forgive me; if you can’t trust me anymore, then you can hate me all you want. But for fuck’s sake, at least call in sick tomorrow.”

Yet, you were so stubborn, that was something you needed to work on. Freddy knew it, too. You didn’t listen. The day came, and you showed up, anyway, not wanting to live knowing the guy you loved no matter who he claimed he was. He was in charge of standing at the door, not allowing anyone access inside or out. But upon seeing you behind the counter through the glass window, you saw Freddy’s face drop. “No…”

The deafening sound of the alarm goes off by one of the retailers, forcing Mr. Blonde to shoot everyone he saw, including you.

Freddy cried out this time, “No!” 

People inside- the employees and customers, all screamed together. Freddy slammed his hands against the display windows, watching you as you fall back onto the floor, bleeding out from your shoulder. Mr. Blonde nearly shot everyone in the room, even almost hitting Mr. White in the process. He spotted your foot sticking out, and you attempted to crawl away, but he pointed his gun at you again. 

Just as planned, the police break in, prompting him to run away. You collapsed in your pool of blood, realizing how this was straight out of a crime movie scene, and the pain of your wound was inexplicable. How could you feel it with every inch in your body and still manage to move ever so slightly?

You looked back, realizing you were all alone, the only one left alive. Freddy didn’t do what a hero would have done, and escaped with the men, holding back his tears with his dear life behind the dark shades of his sunglasses, fighting to stay in character.

He had to assume the more logical conclusion; you were treated at the hospital, or you bleed to death back at that jewelry wholesale, and you died hating him.

Whether you knew him as a criminal or an undercover cop, you were going to show up, anyway, because you want to protect him, like any kind of Bonnie and Clyde you’d expect from movies. Except Bonnie and Clyde were both shot to death. In this world, Clyde escapes - Bonnie was left to bleed out.

FREDDY stared up at Marvin Nash. Does Freddy regret accepting the undercover mission? A brave young man like him took such a dangerous job, but he knew he was better off without it. The last thing he said to you swarmed his mind like bees; “Call in sick tomorrow.”

THE END

_

taglist: @locke-writes​

[oh-for-fic-sake]

The Ground Rules

Geralt lays down the law with the help of yennefer after catching the reader haveing a bit of me time in the bath.

Masterlist

Ok this took all day as i couldnt stop tweaking it and i got to the point iv just got to step back and throw it out there or im gonna scream.Any way this is to go along with pastry negotiations its based after that one so could be considered part two? can be read stand alone tho in all honesty these modern reader inserts are gonna jump about in timeline cos my plot bunnys are twats. Im basing my Ciri on a mix of mature netflix Ciri and slightly mischievous witcher 3 Ciri. Any way i hope you enjoy this one im pretty pleased with it xx 

WARNING: Adult Themes, Smut, DubCon Swearing MxFxF 18+

Dont like it dont read it.

Geralt snaps when you take matters into your own hands.

The Ground Rules

"Well someone is excited" Jaskier drolled as he watched your form slowly creating distance between you as you marched ahead.

As the small rickety town came into veiw you cried out a victorious and dramatic "still alive" causing eye rolls and chuckles in the group. Honestly this was the first real town you'd come to since being here and you were thrilled. Sure you'd passed a tiny smattering of houses four or so days ago where you'd traded for some bread, tiny amount of dried meat and a few other essentials oh! and yenn had managed to replace your pastry to the amusment of the resident witcher. They'd both been more open with you since the whole pastry incident-which you thought was an off handed comment on yennefers part but she and geralt had since indicated otherwise.

The people in the village had mentioned of a near by town that was rumoured to have a contract out on a nest of some monster thingamajigs that you hadn't botherd to remeber the name of .You looked down the verge towards the town with immediate thoughts of eat, bathe and sleep- on a bed, a real fucking bed ,ok so it wont be a temper mattress but you could live with that-oh my fucking god hot water,a nice loooong soak you moaned in your throat the thought alone brought tears to your eyes. You walked ahead trying to usher the group.

And maybe you could have your own room. Honestly sharing a bed with the couple was becoming an issue for you,your crush on them was definatly getting out of control now constantly blushing under their heated glances and they are becoming more touchy feely, Hands lingering longer than nesscasary or leaning in so close so thier breath tickled the hairs on your neck basically doing anything to get you flustered and you swear to god yesterday yennefer copped a feel whilst helping you threw a small steam which you didn't need help with;not that she listened. Bottom line you were becoming sexualy frustrated pretty much staying in a constant state of arousal a night away from them to take care of business would be very much appreciated. 

"Come ooooonnnn guys keep up" you turned looking back at them drawing out your whine befor resuming towards the town

"Someone should catch up with her she looks like a girl on a mission" Yennefer commented 

"Yes. Ciri would you keep her near the main gate and out of trouble while we settle roach in the stables ,here take her this she should cover up befor anyone gets any ideas" geralt grunted as your form began to dissapear down the brow of the hill ,ciri looked between the two before shrugging grabbing his offered cloak then ran to catch up with you.

You glanced to the side as you heard footsteps noticing Ciri fall in step with you she held out his cloak.

"Here geralt said to cover up before people get any ideas" you sighed it wasnt your fault his shirt hung off of you showing a large amount of shoulder and chest luckily when the hoover portal of doom sucked you in you were in fleece lined black leggings that had been durable enough to survive the last 3 weeks on the road(your stitch t shirt hadn't survived your initial fall) because you doubt he'd have anything your hips would get in to. Rolling your eyes you pulled the heavy fabric across your shoulders repostioning it so that it wasnt draging on the floor to much but was still sheilding your body. 

"He's such a dad" Ciri giggled nodding in agreement befor reciting what esle geralt had requested ordered. You scoffed shaking your head

"So he doesnt even trust me to walk through a town, he does realise im an adult right? That i can do things with out causing trouble. i mean for god sake im not jaskier" she snorted 

"I think its more like he doesnt want other men trying to sleep with you" you did a double take 

"The hell you know about that sort of shit? has Jaskier been corrupting you?"

 A knowing smirk crossed her face as she held her hands up coming to a halt facing you just inside the wooden gates of the town.

"You think i havent noticed whats going on by myself, Geralt likes you so does yenn jaskiers noticed to, think he's going to write a song" 

"He better bloody not and anyway maybe i want to find a companion for the night." You announced tersely crossing your arms only to freeze as you heard a growl from behind you.

"Oh yes, i may have forgot to mention that witchers are senses are really sensetive" she smiled sweetly, you gaped why were you only being told this now. Looking between her and the others approaching.

"Wh-what how the fuck you leave that out? d-do you think he heard us? from back there" She nodded 

"Most definitely" you gulped feeling yourself shrink into Geralts cloak a little at the looks you received from Geralt and Yennefer as he spoke to her telling her what youd just said.oh fuck.

"when you say senses you mean all of 'em? Not just one or two?" hoping beyond hope that something had been lost in translation.

"Nope all of them sight, smell, hearing the whole lot" she replied watching the colour drain from your horror sticken face. You'd been getting wet over the past few days. And the realisation that he probably knew embarrassed the shit out of you. Geralt smirked obviously he heard.You were so fucked.he knew and if he knew then she knew.oh my god. You were sooo fucked.'whelp there goes my dignity' you thought. He strode past you to the mediocre stables with roach in toe ready to hitch her for the night.Jaskier and yenn followed pulling some of the bags off of the horse then passing them out to their respective owners. Geralt then stood before you all giving you all the 'game plan' as you call it.

"we will find an inn and eat after that you get settled in for the night whist i see about this contract."

"don't bother about me tonight im going to catch myself a young fair maiden for the night" you scoffed at Jaskier's announcement drawing his attention

"Sounding like a creeper there Jask, what? you gonna do throw a net in the tavern? don't think they'd take to kindly to that" he huffed through his nose aggravated. 

"No im going to sing in the tavern and lure a beauty to my side for the night" you played along widening your eyes in false realization

"oohh so your gonna go pay for it, how does it work exactly is it by hour or-" Geralt quickly intervened covering your mouth one to stop the inevitable spat and two before you could corrupt Ciri any further Jaskier deadpanned giving you a flat look.

"you're welcome to come find out for yourself im sure your just Itching  to get some relief-"

"JASKIER! you go ahead at least try to keep a bit of coin back this time" Jaskier 1 Y/n 0.

You glowered behind Geralt's hand as he dismissed the smirking bard who turned on his heel prancing off quite pleased with himself. You smacked Geralt's hand away wiping your mouth with the back of your hand before slowly making your way down the street into town.It had taken nearly half an hour to find a decent inn that had room for the four of you. A room with two double beds that had a heavy curtain to split the room into two it was usually rented by traveling families. You groaned as you walked in, now you really couldn't take care of business, you followed Ciri as she placed her bag on the bed on the left following suit you placed yours on the other half of it only to have Yennefer quickly relocated it to her side of the other bed. Ciri snorted giving you a knowing look.you sighed then stomped across the room. Knowing all to well that it was futile to argue with the sorceress ,the witcher was stubborn but she was something else. Geralt handed a small pouch of coin to Yennefer.

"This is for the new clothes Ciri needs a thicker cloak preferably fur lined maybe new boots to not sure how long those will last in the mountains." yennefer hummed as she pocketed the money. 

"And the clothes for Y/n as well?" 

"Yes, should be enough there for what we discussed if not i'v got a bit more saved" you raised your brows blinking at them.

"err what was discussed? guys? what did you talk about? was it about me? helloooo" you waved as they ignored you.Yennefer pulled off her cloak leaving it on her side of the bed. you and Ciri followed their lead only for Geralt the tug yours back across you giving a sharp look as you rolled your eyes.The group made its way down into the quiet main room of the family run inn where you were served a meal of roast beef with vegetable trimmings ,before you knew it Geralt had left to find out about the contract with a final 'Behave' thrown in your direction.To which you grunted in response,too full to even tell him to 'jog on' - a phrase that still frustrated the witcher as he didn't know the meaning-. Yennefer had asked for a bath before your meal which you were just informed was ready leaving you alone with the sorceress. You had all decided Ciri would have the bath first then you, yennefer and finally geralt if he was back before it got cold.

"I cant breath" yennefer laughed out loud you rubbed your tummy closing your eyes

"I mean honestly, I think theres food in my lungs" groaning leaning back against the chair she gave a sympathetic smile

"Well you did inhale your food, maybe next time take it easy."

"Can you blame me, been the first meat iv recognized since i got here" It was true so far you'd been living on meats that you wouldn't have necessarily chose to eat back home rabbit,mutton venison ect.

"After we've bathed we will rest for the day but tomorrow we have to run over to the seamstress and get your new clothes, not sure how long we will be here and might have to order some or have them taken up,you are a little thing.Might have to have some leather work done too." you squinted pointing an accusing finger at her

"You calling me a midget? we going for shots now are we?" she smiled sheepishly

"No .no shots?. i just meant your petite don't worry its very cute. Anyway we are only picking up the basics a few day dresses ,Riding clothes boots that sort of thing" you blinked owlishly flushing as she called you cute. 

"Riding clothes yes. Dresses no thank you" she stared unblinking at you for a few moments making you squirm at the calm expectant gaze that was getting heavier by the second, it was like the eyes of a mother when you'd been caught doing some dumb shit you knew you shouldn't be doing.

"Stop it....Yenn no... cant i just get something like Geralt has..please... i'd be much more comfortable...even Jaskier i mean im not one for the puffy bits but 'd make do....."

she blinked slowly

"Oh fine but only one or two no more and your not getting rid of these leggings either" you gave in, her gaze was to unnerving and it did things to you. Her face lit up. She was looking forward to seeing you in feminine gown instead of a her and Geralt's shirts not that she minded but it'd be a nice change to your strange stetchy leggings (not that she minded you in the form fitting bottoms) She moved leaning in to your side hand on your thigh patting it lightly.

"Thank you, don't be so worried i will take good care of everything" you gulped as you felt the flushed skin of your face grow hotter,your core clenching and warming at her sultry reply you closed your eyes trying to regain a bit of control. Suddenly her attention was drawn to a pink skinned Ciri who had finished her bath and changed Yenn nodded and released your thigh. You bolted upstairs hearing a chuckle as you did.

Once in the room you sighed in relief, making your way towards the screened off section that held a large oval tub full of steaming water. Discarding your clothes as you all but melted into the hot water.You submerged yourself getting your hair wet scratching tentatively at your scalp that had begun to ache under the grime. Spotting a small stool with what you'd consider toiletries, a bar of hard sweet smelling soap and a few vials.You grabbed the soap, opting for using it for your hair as well unsure what vials did what and went where.After scrubbing all the built up sweat and dirt you you closed your eyes lounging back against the slanted end tub you relaxed a few moments it wasn't long before you were feeling much better ,tired muscles succumbing to the soothing hot water.your body hummed. 'no one would have to know' as your summarized that this was the perfect opportunity to relieve yourself of other tensions, 

'its not like geralt could smell you under water, i mean i dont think dogs can thats why criminals cross rivers when their being hunted on tv isn't it?' biting your lip you peaked an eye open and listened out carefully feeling naughty when you began moving your hand to the apex of your thighs gasping as your finger ghosted over your hardened bundle of nerves .Fuck. Your clit was sensitive not surprising when Geralt and Yennefer had practically edged you for nearly a week. You whined quietly as you began a fast rhythm on your clit ,other hand slinking down to your opening rubbing your fingers up and down the warm weeping hole. You bit off a groan as your hips gyrated against your roaming hands. Stomach tensing as you drove yourself faster and faster to the edge.Almost there.Fuck almost-you jumped hissing 'shit' ,ripping your hands away from yourself , sitting up fast enough to make your head spin splashing a wave of water over the floor when you heard the door open slamming the wall beside it.

"err theres some one in here!" you called out loudly, angry at who ever just interrupted you.You got nervous as the heavy steps quickly made their way towards you.Realizing who ever it was didn't care for your modesty as they were coming your way you slung your top half out of the tub to grasp the towel screaming because before you could grasp it and cover yourself a large calloused hand enveloped your shoulder shoving you back into the water.

"WH-GERALT THE FUCK? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME." you shouted at him as he released you then you looked down slapping your hands down to cover your self as he raised his eyebrows and gave a lop sided grin.He defiantly looked like the big bad wolf in that moment eyes ablaze with a hunger you wasn't sure you wanted to explore or not. Collecting yourself swallowing dryly before scolding him in a voice that seemed to become smaller with each word.

"hey! get the fuck out im trying to bathe you prick" you heard the door open and close again in a less violent fashion. And suprize suprize yennefer glided into view behind the .

"Thats not all you were doing tho was it? i can fucking smell you" was growled at you as geralt wet his lips you squeaked. 

"huh? b-but.. i thought..w-water" you stuttered out as your brain malfunctioned on on an epic scale. Yennefer gave out a loud laugh.

"so thats why he tore threw the inn like that.honestly Geralt i thought something was wrong" she continued laughing as she replayed the way geralt had all but vaulted the tables to get to the stairs. you pouted throughly humiliated

"something is wrong" he ground out before kneeling beside you .Shifting you tired to create some distance from him. He was having none of that wasting no time thrusting his hands into the water tugging away your shielding hand the other forcing its way between your legs. You slammed back against the tub gasping trying to get away. All you'd achieved was his hand pinning your hips to the back of the bath by your pussy

"GERALT WHA-"  

"Lets lay down some ground rules" He squeezed your throbbing heat in his hand curling his fingers dangerously close to your opening you bucked moaning breathlessly .Your eyes searched Yennefer's for help but she wore a similar hungry look that he had. Another slow squeeze brought your attention back to the brooding alpha male in the room.

"This is ours.ours to lick,suck and fuck as we see fit, to do what we please with and is off limits to your wandering little hands we clear on that?" You groaned out as he emphasized certain words with teasing brushes of fingers and a slow rub of his palm. Realizing that he might actually be serious.You nodded quickly babbling as he rocked his hand back and forth igniting the heat that you had built alone.

"C-crystal-please Geralt PLease" You threw your head back as his hand moved deliberate and teasing.

"You think you deserve it? after being caught up here playing with yourself?" You nodded then shook your head confused, unable to really concentrate on anything apart from his magnificent hand ,half lidded eyes and clenching your fingers tight around the thumb he was using it to control your movements as your body whithered under his ministrations.

"Really?" He said smirking as he held completely still you sucked through your teeth biting back curses.He chuckled smug bastard. moving trying to get some friction to no avail.

"Well we have been teasing the poor thing ,of course shes going to try sorting herself out the first chance she gets .Honestly Geralt what did you expect? i did tell you" yennefer reasoned as she stood behind you combing threw your wet hair you before grasping your free hand pulling it up out of the way kissing your palm before ghosting her nose down your neck pressing soft kisses along it you mewled at her and tried to coax geralt to continue again by rolling your hips.

"I suppose we could let her off this time" His voice was pure sex as he glanced down before giving into pushing two thick fingers up into you. his breach of your walls had an initial sting but was incredible as your needy walls tried sucking him deeper greedy to be filled.

"oh-oh fuck Ger-please" you arched your back pushing down onto his hand clutching onto Yennefer's wrist. you were so hot .fuck.he was gonna make you cum too quick. You panted throwing your head side to side as your legs tensed then raised up towards your torso, your pussy wrapped tight around Geralts fingers as he held them deep every few thrusts making you feel just how your walls rippled around him. he alternated between fast and shallow then slow and deep trying to build you up slowly he wasn't going to rush you, he was skilled enough to walk you up to the edge and throw you off whenever he damn well pleased. You'd never been this desperate in your life . Yenn's cool fingers delicately teased out your nipples pinching and flicking them until they stood out provocatively. You rocked against the both of them as Geralt made sure to start dragging your clit up and down with his palm as he finger fucked you curling his fingers searching for that small spot that'd send your mind reeling. Yenn had leaned down kissing your cheek and begun whispering lowly into your ear.

"He knows what he's doing doesn't he?Iit wont take him long to find every single spot you have, thats the thing with bedding a witcher they are much more observant then regular men. I have no doubt he will know when your going to orgasm before you do.He has the ability to force them out of nowhere when ever he pleases.. He is quite cruel like that" you moaned out loud snapping your head back high pitched and vulgar sounds tore from your throat as Geralts invading fingers began rubbing furiously back and forth on a soft spot inside of you.Unable to control yourself as your legs and tummy spasmed erratically as your tearfull moans and pleas filled the room

"Thats it oh i think iv found it~" he boasted as he moved his elbow pinning a knee to the side of the tub leaving your clit cruelly exposed for Yennefer,they shared a look as she moved her hand down to join Geralts taking over to rub small firm circles on your exposed clit.

"oh-OH fuck noNOno i cant please i ca-UGh to-Too much please FUCK" Yennefer was quick to swallow your moans in a kiss of clashing teeth and tongues before any one could hear ,tears streamed down your face as your body ached your pussy contracting painfully around his swiping digits. Pulling back for air the sorceress placed open mouthed kisses over your shoulders leaving red marks with her teeth and sucking bites.

"Good girl your being sooo good you don't have to ask this time" she praised as she reached your ear befor sucking harshly below your jaw. you were quickly becoming putty in their hands Geralt growled as he picked up the begining tremors of your orgasm.

"Look at me" you obeyed instantly moaning as you watched the white wolf pull his lip up in a snarl that would have scared you any other time.

"This is what you were made for, your ours, we own you, mind body and soul we own every whimper ,every tear ,every orgasm and hole they are ours for the taking when ever we choose,from now only ecstasy you will know is what we give you" You'd never have guessed how filthy his mouth could be but it seemed to have the desired effect as a sudden rush of heat was your only warning before rearing up screaming out, not sure if you'd shut your eyes or blacked out for a moment as you gushed into the bath water.Geralt pressed into you persistent while Yennefer's hand continued the tight circles efficiently drawing out the best orgasm your ever had.Finally their movements ceased and your body went limp wracked trembling in the aftermath as your orgasm ebbed away slowly. After giving you a few moments to come down and catch your breath Geralt removed his fingers you whimpered inside's still so sensitive after your orgasm, sucking on them he moaned deep and feral before plucking your clenched fingers off his thumb. Yennefer quickly wiped your pussy gently clearing the cum from between your swollen lips. Making you twitched as the cloth ran over you.Pulling you from the bath was a joint effort as they rested you on the bed and began patting you dry with the towel.Moaning in protest as your arms waved loosely trying to take over only having your hand smacked away as they finished.Lying back looking up at them bleary eyed trying to stay awake you felt like jelly, giving up fighting you rolled over yawning tucking your arms below your head Yennefer tilted her head stroking your hair sending you into a relaxed sleep.

"Poor dear ,Oh look at her geralt shes all fucked out and we haven't even fucked her yet" 

"hmm she'll be ok we just need to work on her stamina" he replied patting your bottom as he pulled the cover over your washed out form.Geralt panicked

"Shit wheres Ciri?"

"well when you came charging in down stairs i told her to go find Jaskier and stay there until one of us came to get her" Yennefer said with a sly grin he shook his head and scooped her up kissing her passionately. As he took a few steps to the now vacant bath

"well the bath is still warm care to join me?"

"with pleasure lets try not to wake her tho"

.

See you soon xxx

[judylicious]

And When He Smiles I Swear I Can’t Breathe

Alan Rubin x fem!Reader

Word count: 1,655

Fandom: Blues Brothers

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Blues Brothers characters or movies. This refers to Alan Rubin as a character in the movie, not the real Alan (although he obvsly played himself but you know what I mean)

I’d like to add that I made everyone of the band a few years younger (so the age gap between the reader and Alan isn’t that big), so he’s approx. in his early 30s.

Sophia & Lisa are two OCs created by two lovely people within the fandom.

Warnings: none

Chapter IV

A few days past and Sophia and Lisa had a hard time to get a hold of Charlotte. She barely was home and spent a lot of time in classes or in the College’s own library. Her plan was to keep herself distracted from thinking about Alan and also putting more effort into her studies had settled her parents in some way. At least they were asking less questions and leaving her alone for most of the time.

One day the two friends went by Charlotte’s home again, hoping she’d be there. And as she opened the front door, her friends were purely delighted to see her again. “Hey hun, we’ve been trying to reach out to you.” “Yeah I’m sorry, I was pretty busy studying. Please come in.” “You’re parents home?” “Nope, fortunately they’re not.” “We really have been worried about you.”, Sophia said and took a seat on the couch. “I know and I’m really sorry, I had some trouble with my dad and you know how I prefer to isolate when things become though.” “We’re always there for you.”, Lisa reassured Charlotte and they both sat down beside Sophia. “We are meeting the boys Friday night for a casual get together and thought it’d be lovely if you joined us.” “Just Lou and Jake?” “Yes exactly.”, Lisa replied to her. But Sophia shot the girl with the red hair a commanding eye. “A-and Alan.” “Well, to put things straight he said he’d be there if there was a chance of you being present.”, Sophia explained. “What? Girls this ain’t funny.”, Charlotte said and wanted to get up but her friends hold her in place. “The last times we met the boys he asked about you, wanted to know why you wasn’t with us.” “Alright don’t toy with me. The last time I saw him, he had some blonde woman in his arms.” “Look I don’t know who that woman was, perhaps we was unhappy with the situation between you two and was simply trying to distract himself.” “You know what men are like.”, Sophia also trying to comfort Charlotte. “He really asked about me?” “Yes, yes, he did! A few times actually!” And just the day before yesterday. I told you the very first night he’s crazy about you.” Charlotte needed a moment to think about it. “Well, okay, yeah, why not!” “Great, I can’t wait for the three of us back together, we really missed you.” Sophia gave her friend a tight hug. “If anything’s wrong, call us. Please.” She gave her friends a warm smile. “I will. Oh, Sophia before it forget… I hope you gave Jake an appropriate welcome the other night.”, Charlotte said with a whimsically grin. “Oh you bet I did. We didn’t even made it home without, you know. So finally my car’s inaugurated.”, Sophia boasted with a big laugh. “Woah remind me to never ride along in your car ever again.” “Well in that case you shouldn’t use my apartment’s door anymore either! Or sit on my sofa, my kitchen table-“ “Damn girl, I got you!”, causing the three girls to scream with laughter. “No seriously Jake’s a wild boy,  couldn’t wait for him being back but there’s no better feeling than falling asleep in his arms, cuddling into his chest.” “Well, we certainly are happy you got him back for now.” “Truth to be told you were pretty narky without him.”, Lisa rolled her eyes joking.

Until Friday there were going so many thoughts through Charlotte’s head and she constantly told herself not to get her hopes up again. Yes, he asked about her. But that didn’t mean anything necessarily. He still could be interested in a casual hook, especially after what Lou had told her. But tonight would give her a harmless opportunity to learn more about him and that “issue" without making a fool out of her by asking him out directly.

Charlotte picked out a nice dress and did her make up in front of the mirror, while dancing and singing along to one of the boy’s albums. When she was satisfied with her look, she grabbed her coat and jumped on to the next bus heading city centre. 

They agreed to meet at this little bar with live music, which especially gave young, newcomers of the rhythm and blues scene a chance to gain experience.

Sophia and Lisa waited for Charlotte in front of the bar. “Hiya girls, am I running late?” “No, not at all, the guys are already inside but we didn’t want you to walk in on your own.” They gave each other a hug before Charlotte went inside first. She let her gaze wander through the room and found Jake sitting at a table near the small stage where a young girl with a guitar was performing. Lou was walking towards the bar, where no less than Alan was sitting on one of the barstools, a lady leaning into him. She was tugging and fiddling with his shirt, his hands grabbing hers and the upper part of his black, silk shirt was unbuttoned, exposing his chest hair. Her face only inches away from his. And that was all Charlotte needed and wanted to see. She turned on her heel, squeezed past her friends and straight through the door. “Wait, Charlotte where’re you going?” Hearing her name, Alan looked to the door and saw a baffled Lisa and Sophia, who quickly noticed the woman that was almost on his lap by now and they gave each other a concerning look.

Lou carefully grabbed the woman, trying to pull her away from Alan. “Miss you’re drunk. You’re surely doing better if you go home.” “No, get your hands off of me. I’m in the middle of a conversation with this very handsome man, can’t you see?”, the woman slurred. “We’re not!”, Alan claimed. “I’m sorry but I already told you, I’m not interested.” “No, no, you gave me those eyes, I can always tell.”, the woman persisted. Luckily the bartender chipped in “Listen, Ma’am, we called you a taxi, it’s waiting outside and will bring you home. You are way to drunk to be in my bar and I won’t approve of you molesting other guest.” Jake started up from his chair and he and Lou both grabbed on arm of the lady, dragging her outside, placing her carefully in the car waiting outside. “Thanks guys.”, Alan thanked the two as soon as they got back in. He greeted Lisa and Sophia and they all took a seat at the table next to Elwood. Alan looked at the girls, “Charlotte, she…?” “Is probably home by now.”, Sophia finished for him. “There was nothing going on, SHE approached me, I wasn’t even interested.” , he tried to explain himself. “We know that, Charlie’s just… overreacting sometimes, when it comes to things like these.”, Sophia told him and Lisa felt the need to correct her, “she’s overcautious, that’s all.” The three musicians gave the girls a curious look. “Her ex cheated on her for quite some time. Problem was he was an employee of her dad, he introduced the two.” “Some young and rich wanna-be.”, Sophia added. “Everyone knew he wasn’t good for Charlotte but her dad thought so much of him it was hard for Charlotte to convince him otherwise. So she had a hard time when she was trying to break up with that guy. Her father simply didn’t let her and she had so stay with him.” “That’s shit, man.”, Lou mumbled. Alan looked taken aback. “She knows not every man is like him but if a guy she likes is surrounded by women every time, it scares her off.” “No chances for you then, Mr. Fabulous, huh?”, Jake joked and gave him a bump with his elbow and Alan said nothing but lowered his eyes. “I’m sure she will understand that she was wrong to judge the situation from what she saw only.”, Lisa said with a smile and laid her hand on Alan’s arm. Lou though quickly grabbed Lisa’s other hand and she understood that little hint by removing her hand from Alan’s arm causing him to chuckle about the cute couple next to him. 

For the rest of the night the four tried to cheer up the trumpet player but didn’t success. He had been looking forward to this evening so much. He understood that Charlotte was being cautious after what had happened with her ex but was as disappointed he didn’t even had proper chance yet to show her how much he liked her.

The next Monday afternoon Charlotte’s father got home excitedly. “Sylvia darling! We won the case against ‘Jones & Johnson’! They finally decided the verdict, what a triumph.”, he praised and gave his wife a big kiss. “We’re all going out for dinner, tonight. This calls for a celebration. Tell the girls to get ready and dress up!”

On schedule for their reservation the family got into their car. “You know I still think you and mum should enjoy this night on your own, you deserve some quality alone home.”, Charlotte tried to bluff it out. “Nonsense, you two are joining us.”, her dad told her. “What was that restaurant called again….?”, the youngest sister enquired. “Ugh, don’t even bother to tell us, I bet it’s just another snobby French place”, Charlotte snapped and laid her head against the window.

As they reached the posh restaurant, the bored girl ambled behind her parents, checking out the place. “Chez Paul.”, she mumbled the name of the place and scoffed. “Good evening, Sir, we have a reservation at 8, for Ellington.”. She heard her father say. “Of course, welcome at the Chez Paul, Mr. Ellington. Please this way.” And at the first word Charlotte had already recognised that voice. His voice. So soothing and sexy, like the melody of her favourite song.

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III

[cagestark]

+WinterIronSpider//4+

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five

Brief sexiness at the beginning. 

-

Peter presses his back flat against the door of his guest room. His heart races, breath coming fast until he dissolves into a coughing fit that leaves him trembling. That does little to wane the erection straining at his jeans that he’d hastily pulled on in his quest for water. He reaches down to palm at himself, eyes half-open but mind distant and in the other room with the two older men.

As if today wasn’t surreal enough (somehow getting delivered medicine by Tony Stark’s boyfriend, brought back to Stark Tower to meet the billionaire, fed dinner and antibiotics by him), he was 99% sure that he’d walked in on Mr. Stark and his boyfriend having sex. Or at least participating in some sort of foreplay. The thought alone makes him gulp, his cock twitching. They were two of the most attractive men Peter had ever seen, and the combination they made was devastatingly arousing.

Had Bucky (Peter flushed just thinking the men’s names) been giving Tony a blowjob? The crotch of the older man’s sweatpants had been darkened like a warm wet tongue had lapped and sucked at it. Combined with the fact that Bucky had certainly been more than half-hard had Peter’s brain short.

He stumbles into the bathroom, blinking at the bright lights, and splashes cold water on his face—but it doesn’t help. His cock aches thinking about what he might have interrupted, what had been taking place right outside Peter’s door. Why the two men might have been fooling around out in the open with Peter in just the other room, the young man couldn’t say. It was almost as if they had wanted to be caught.

Whining softly, Peter reaches down and unfastens his jeans. When he takes his cock in his hand, it throbs. There’s no chance he’ll last long, not when he sees the look on Bucky’s face every time he blinks his eyes, not when he wishes that he’d been the one on his knees sucking at Tony Stark’s hard cock through his sweatpants. His balls draw up tightly and he fists himself harder, one hand coming up to clasp over his mouth while he keens, cumming into the toilet and over his fingers.

The infection in his lungs makes him feel winded. The cum sticking to his fingers makes him feel guilty. What a pervert he is, jerking off in Mr. Stark’s bathroom when he and Bucky have been so kind to Peter, nothing but proper. Tears burn at his eyes while he flushes the toilet and washes his hands, scrubbing until they’re raw. Then he leans down and laps at water from the faucet. It tastes so clean.

Crawling into the huge bed in the guest room, he wiggles out of his jeans and lets them drop over the edge of the bed, rubbing his bare legs against the softest sheets he’s ever known. He takes one of the pillows and cradles it to his chest. All he can hear is the sound of his own heartbeat thudding in his aching head. He wishes for a broad, warm chest that he could lay against, a heartbeat to listen to that isn’t his own.

-

Peter wakes with a head full of cotton, chest aching. The next dose of his antibiotics sits on the nightstand where he’d left it the night before. He takes it right away, reclining back into the soft bedspread to give himself some time to come awake. Despite not feeling any better, he does feel more rested. There were no sirens to wake him, no sound of people coming and going through the apartment hallway at all hours of the night. It had been far more comfortable than sleeping on the floor among all of his musty blankets, that’s for sure. All in all, it’s the best night of sleep he’s had.

It will make returning to his tiny, cold apartment all the more painful.

But he doesn’t need to think on that, now. He stands carefully so as to avoid dizziness, dressing himself in yesterday’s clothes (at least they were clean when he put them on). His stomach aches fiercely, more attuned to its own hollowness after last night’s bounty of food. He drinks some more from the faucet to dampen the hunger. Just in case Mr. Stark and Bucky don’t have any breakfast to offer him.

As soon as he opens his bedroom door, he sees that he needn’t have worried. The sound of modern rock music can be heard, but the smell—! Peter can smell syrup and pancake batter and bacon, the sound of it sizzling a nice undercurrent to the sound of Soundgarden.

Even better than the food is the sight that greets him when he rounds the corner and the kitchen comes into view. Tony sits on one of the high stools at the kitchen island instead of the dining table they’d eaten at the night before. He’s dressed impeccably in a gray suit with a navy tie and the same tinted glasses he’d been wearing the night before. Three different newspapers sit splayed in front of him while he sips from a steaming mug of coffee. Bucky is cooking, his long hair tied back to keep it from his face. He’s wearing flannel pajama pants and a long sleeve Henley shirt while he stands at the stove, coaxing bacon into crisping.

Tony glances over, and the smile he gives fills Peter’s guts with butterflies. God, the man is so handsome. He absolutely deserves People’s magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive award (which he’s received for the third consecutive year in a row). Tony Stark is the reason that Peter began to pursue a degree in biotechnology. There have been posters of the man on his wall since he was a little boy—though now that he’s grown, those posters are just carefully folded and preserved with his other sentimental belongings. No need for them when Peter can just turn on the television or pull out his phone and google the man.

“Peter,” Tony greets warmly. Bucky jerks at the stove, glancing over his shoulder to pierce Peter where he stands with pale eyes. The full lips twitch upward though, and Peter breathes a sigh of relief, gingerly stepping from the shadows towards the warmth and light of the kitchen. Tony pulls out the stool beside him. “Take a seat, kid. How are you feeling?”

“Medicine hasn’t had much of a chance to work yet, but I slept great. Thank you so much, Mr. Stark. Your guest room is awesome.”

“It’s no problem, Pete. Call me Tony, okay?”

Peter flushes, nodding.

Bucky turns away from the stove and back towards the island where some fresh fruit rests: berries and mangoes. Picking up a wicked little blade, he begins to slice the fruit, and that’s when Peter notices for the first time: one of Bucky’s arms isn’t real.

It’s an incredible piece of biotech, made up of a massive number of metallic plates that shift and move as easily as a flesh hand might. The sound it makes is soft and almost unheard over the music that continues to play. Peter can’t take his eyes off of it—while he’s specializing in environmental uses for biotechnology, he’s always had a soft spot for healthcare aspects, including the sophisticated prosthetics that have been produced lately.

Tony’s foot nudges him under the countertop. When Peter glances over, the man’s eyebrows are raised, his gaze pointed. Even though he’s not done anything to be embarrassed about, Peter feels himself flushing. He turns his eyes down toward the marble countertop and keeps them there until a plate slides into his vision.

Peter glances up to see Bucky’s wary expression—he doesn’t know which of them smiles in relief first (or whether the upwards twitch of Bucky’s lips can be categorized as a smile), just that both of their shoulders relax.

“You should eat that,” Tony says, gesturing vaguely to the fruit on Peter’s plate. “The vitamin C will be good for you. Bucky be a dream and put more—”

“You’re not getting out of eating your fruit,” Bucky says lowly. He slides a plate to Tony. “Coffee is not a food group. We’ve talked about this.”

Peter listens to them bicker with wide eyes flickering back and forth. When he pops a piece of mango in his mouth, his eyes flutter shut. It bursts on his tongue, so sweet that his jaw aches and he licks his fingers chasing the taste before remembering there’s more—he doesn’t just have to take a few bites and then save it for later when he’s hungrier—and when his eyes open again, the men have stopped arguing and are watching him.

He points down at the fruit, his mouth full of his next bite. “This ‘s real good.”

“We can tell,” Tony says. He licks his lips before continuing and Peter’s eyes track the motion. He shifts on the stool feeling his cock stir. Not now. “Classes today?”

“No,” Peter admits. “I’m pretty sure I’m still infectious. I’ve been emailing with my professors to keep up with the work whenever my fever is down.”

“You’re welcome to stay at the Tower today,” says Tony. “Bucky will be here alone otherwise—and not that he isn’t an island, but I’m sure he’d have a better time with company around.”

Peter’s heart jumps. Spending the day at the Tower with Bucky? The thought alone is enough to make his palms sweat and hands shake. Before Bucky showed up at his apartment door, Peter had gone days without having a conversation face-to-face with anyone. Any company would have excited Peter, but Bucky? That created an entirely different sort of excitement within him.

Peter could see how some mind find his presence stoic, but there wasn’t any coldness in his eyes (even if they were the color of ice), and every time Peter glanced at him, Bucky’s mouth would curve ever-so-slightly. Maybe he was just a reserved sort of guy. Peter was eager to find out. He glances shyly towards the man in question, and the uncertainty must read through on Peter’s face because Bucky says, “I’d like that a lot.”

His heart soars. “I just need to talk to one of my professors—”

Tony stands, buttoning the top button of his suit jacket with a single, nimble hand. He points a thumb at Bucky who is piling bacon onto a plate. Way too much bacon for just the two of them, considering Mr. Stark looks like he’s making his exit. “Bucky can drop you off at your apartment so you can grab your laptop and books. Right Northern Light?”

Bucky nods solemnly.

“Oh,” Peter says. His hands are sticky with fruit juice but fall to his lap to wring. “Actually, I don’t have a laptop. I’ve just been walking to the Bobst Library—they have computers open to the public, and the wifi isn’t half bad. Sometimes I just have to wait until one opens up.”

“You’ve been walking to the library with pneumonia,” Tony repeats blankly.

Peter blanches. “Oh God. Do you think I got anybody sick? I—I tried to use hand sanitizer as often as I could, and I made sure to cough into my elbow like all those elementary school health lessons taught us, you know, like Dracula wearing a cape—”

“Kid,” says Tony, putting a hand on his shoulder. “The public is the last thing I’m worried about. We have computers here. They aren’t free to the public, but they’re free to you. Make good use of them, okay? Bucky will show you. I have to go, I’ve already missed the first ten minutes of my meeting, and those are usually the only minutes colorful enough to keep my attention.”

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Bucky asks, both palms (one flesh, one metal, gosh that’s so cool) flat on the countertop. Tony dashes around it to place a swift kiss on Bucky’s lips, chaste though heated, one hand coming up to stroke back the hairs that have come lose from Bucky’s bun.

“I love you,” Tony says.

“I love you too,” Bucky replies. “But that’s not what I meant. Take a fucking banana, Tony. You’re worse than a toddler.”

Groaning, Tony grabs a banana from the fruit on the countertop. As he walks by again, Peter hears his mutter under his breath something about torture.  Then the door is shutting behind the billionaire, and Peter is left entirely alone with the man’s boyfriend in their ridiculously fancy penthouse.

Bucky clears his throat. “Do you want some bacon?”

Peter nods, mutely, holding out his empty plate.

-

“Sorry you’re stuck here with me, kid,” Bucky says while they do the dishes. He’s washing, Peter is rinsing. On Bucky’s left side the way he is, he gets an eyeful of that incredible bionic arm. It is so delicate when it hands Peter the crystal glasses that had held his orange juice, it’s truly a work of art. “I’m not nearly as much fun as Tony.”

“I’m not sure how much fun I should be having anyway,” Peter admits. “I have pneumonia. Can I say something? I don’t—I don’t want to be rude or insensitive or anything—”

“I’m not the kinda guy who gets easily offended.”

“Your arm—” Despite Bucky’s reassurance, he tenses all over. His shoulders rise towards his ears, and the metal fist flexes and then grip into a fist as if it could disappear into itself and cease to exist. “—it is so cool. God, the biomechanics of it. Who designed it? My applied physics class did a semester at Johns Hopkins and we got to see the Modular Prosthetic Limb in person, but this is just, just light years ahead of that!”

By the time Peter runs out of breath (sooner than he would have liked, given the coughing fit he is subjected to), Bucky stares at him with some indeterminable expression. Then his mouth twitches, and then the smile blooms, prettier than any flower Peter’s ever seen. Bucky exudes darkness and broodiness, but for a moment Peter sees something in him that is boyish and so charming, it makes butterflies bat their wings against the inside of his stomach.

Bucky holds up the arm and works the fingers, flexing and relaxing them. “I don’t know about whatever it is you just said—but Tony made this.”

And of course! Peter had hoped that’s what Bucky would say that. If possible, Peter feels his crush on the billionaire grow exponentially.

“Why haven’t I read about it?” Peter asks. Against his will, one hand drifts up and hovers over the bionic arm. His fingers tingle like they’re full of static electricity, like any moment the energy will jump from his flesh to the metal, and he wonders—is it warm? Is it cool? Does it hum? “I look for every free article online about Mr. Stark and his work, but I’ve never read about him stepping into the world of medical prosthetics—”

“Every article, huh?” Bucky teases. The metal fingers twitch, coming so close to Peter’s own, and Peter feels all the breath slip from his lungs (what little breath is left there), even as his face turns red. “Don’t tell that to Tony or you’ll inflate his ego even more than it already is.”

“He totally deserves it though,” Peter mutters, pressing his lips together to avoid smiling outright. “I mean, look at this—your arm is incredible. Can you feel? I mean, of course you can, otherwise you’d be breaking every glass we washed.”

“I can feel,” Bucky confirms. His eyes are glittering with a warmth Peter hasn’t yet seen. “And he does deserve it. Tony is—something else. You can touch it, if you want.”

The red flush on Peter’s face deepens. His fingers curl up in anxiety before slowing blooming again. It feels so intimate to touch another man’s hand like this, all the more so knowing that Bucky can feel it. As sensual as it feels (and what is Peter doing, doing something so sensual with a man who is dating Peter’s own hero?), he can’t help but sate his curiosity by exploring the most incredible piece of machinery he’s ever seen.

With the most delicate care, he lets his trembling fingers drift that last half inch to touch Bucky’s metal palm. The metal is smooth and notably cooler than flesh would have been. It doesn’t hum the way Peter might have imagined it to, but when Bucky relaxes his fingers to open his palm even more and the plates shift so smoothly and seamlessly, there is a gentle noise that comes with the movement. Peter reaches out with his other hand until he’s clasping Bucky’s in both of his own, coaxing it to turn over palm-down so that he ran run his fingers across the knuckles, such a complex piece of technology. It flinches a little under his touch, and Peter glances up shyly to make sure he isn’t hurting Bucky, but the man’s eyes are closed, his full mouth gently parted, taking in quick but silent breaths.

Peter’s own breath stutters as he quickly averts his eyes back to the hand, feeling flustered at having witnessed the man in such a vulnerable moment. Then his eyes drop more, more, and he can’t help but remember last night when he walked in on whatever was going on between the two older men. His heart skips a beat when he sees that yes…that bulge in Bucky’s pants is back. Bucky is hard.

Swallowing, he focuses on where his fingers are traces over the peaks and valleys of the man’s knuckles. The wrist is a thing of magic, too, so very thick (though it matches with the rest of the arm and with Bucky’s authentic physique too). Bucky towers over Peter, outweighs him by a hundred pounds probably, and the strength of him is obvious. When he presses firmly into the metal with his thumb, Bucky groans shortly in his throat.

Peter jerks away, red faced. His own cock is not quite full but noticeably harder than it should be from just glorified holding hands with a taken man.

“It’s, it’s real cool Mr.—” Peter cuts himself off, suddenly aware that he doesn’t know Bucky’s last name.

“Just call me Bucky,” the man says, blinking the glazed look out of his eyes.

-

Bucky doesn’t give himself enough credit, because Peter has more fun hanging around the Tower with him than he’s had in months—maybe even years. After showing Peter to the computer so he can email with his teachers, they lounge on the couch making use of Tony’s expansive Blu-ray collection. It’s obvious that Bucky has a lot of experience with sick people: he orders soup for lunch and makes sure to keep Peter relaxed and warm and reminds him to take his medicine when the time comes. It’s been so long since anyone has taken care of Peter that it lulls him into a soft, vulnerable state.

“How did you and Mr. Stark meet?” He asks Bucky.

“Through a mutual friend,” Bucky says, slowly. “We—didn’t really get along. Thought he hated me for the longest time, but then he was the one to extend an olive branch, and, well, you know what he’s like. It’s so easy to fall in love with him. He’s so goddamn smart, with a heart as big as his brain.”

“He’s great,” Peter sighs dreamily.

“He really is.”

“You’re great too,” Peter says, brain to mouth filter crumbled. “I—I mean, you’re really good together, you know? You’re both so. Yeah. Great.”

“Thanks,” says Bucky, half his mouth crooking up into a knowing sort of smirk. “We like you too. You’re a good kid.”

Peter flushes, pleased. He hopes Bucky will blame it on the potential fever.

“Do you like music?” Bucky asks.

Peter blinks at the question, leaning his head up from where he had relaxed it against the armrest of the couch. “Yeah, sure.”

So that’s how they end up laying on the floor of the penthouse while music plays from overhead. The acoustics are unlike anything Peter’s ever heard before: crystal clear and from all around. He closes his eyes and lets himself drift in and out of sleep sometimes before a movement or spoken word from Bucky rouses him.

“I’ve been trying to put together a playlist. I want to burn a CD for Tony of songs from his collection that make me think of him. Before—well, I never really knew a lot of music until he introduced me to it,” Bucky says, holding his phone above his face to poke at it with one finger. “But this isn’t really the kind of gesture I’ve ever had to make before. I’m kind of worried I’ll fuck it up.”

“It sounds so, so sweet,” Peter says. It’s so sweet that it hurts a little—Peter has never had anyone want to make gestures like that for him. For the last few years, Peter has barely had anyone to interact with at all. “I’m sure I speak for Mr. Stark when I say that I doubt you could go wrong, honestly. It will be the thought that counts.”

“Yeah, but I want the thoughts to be good, too,” snarks Bucky. “Not just sweet.”

“I know what you mean.”

For a while they listen in silence. Peter dozes again and has a little half-dream of May and Ben. Peter was just a little boy when his parents died, and he went to live with them, so a lot of the memories he has are fuzzy from childhood. But he always remembers how much they loved each other, how beautifully romantic their relationship was. May used to play records and her and Ben would dance in the apartment’s kitchen together, swaying softly.

“A record player would make this even better,” Peter murmurs, quiet so as to not break the intimacy of the moment.

“Like a CD player?” Bucky asks, propping himself up on his metal elbow. It emphasizes the obscene width of his chest compared to the narrow hips. Peter’s mouth goes dry and swallowing doesn’t help. “Or a turntable?’

“A turntable I guess. For records—not CD’s.”

Bucky’s eyes glitter.

And that’s how they end up in Mr. Stark’s private study. There is a record player there that would have put the old one in May’s apartment to shame. This one looks to be antique, kept in excellent condition, the wood glossy and unscratched. An entire bookshelf (one of the many) is dedicated to holding records, records on records, and finger trails his fingers over them reverently. If only May or Ben could see this.

He chooses one at random. Pink Floyd’s THE WALL. It isn’t glossy and new like the others. This one’s corners are worn away, and in the bottom corner is scratched TONY S. ’79 in a child’s neat script. Peter can’t imagine a nine-year-old Tony Stark listening to it, much less enough to wear away the record sleeve.

“I’m not really sure how to make this work,” Bucky admits, fingers drumming anxiously against the side of the record player. “I’m used to the ones that crank.”

Peter pulls another sleeve and smiles. “That’s okay, I know how.”

He puts the record on the platter and lowers the arm until the needle rests against it. The switch along the side starts the platter spinning, and soon there is music filling the room. The acoustics here are great, the books soaking up the sound. Peter plays around with the needle location until he finds a certain song, lips quirking into a smile at the opening notes.

“Who’s this?” Bucky asks.

“Robert Plant,” Peter says. “The band is called Led Zeppelin.”

“I’ve heard of them,” Bucky says, eyes wide and bright. “Not this song though. This song feels different.”

“It’s called Fool in the Rain. It’s one of my favorite songs. My aunt used to do this dance—” Peter shakes his body, curls flying back and forth. When he stops, breathing heavy, Bucky is staring at him with his nose scrunched up.

“Looked like you were having a fit or something,” Bucky says.

“Good,” Peter laughs, a little breathless. “That’s how she always looked too.”

When the song ends, Peter goes hunting around again with the needle. The next song doesn’t feel as upbeat, the slightly ethereal sound of a synthesizer filling the room. Even though he chose the song himself, all at once he is melancholic, his heart heavy with sorrow that’s been years in accumulating. Even though All of My Love wasn’t a romantic song, it was one of Ben and May’s favorites to slow dance too.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky asks quietly from Peter’s side. “You look sad.”

“Just the song,” Peter says, eyes prickling. “My aunt and uncle used to dance to it a lot. It’s been years, but I still miss them.”

Bucky’s metal hand comes up. Peter sees it hover out of the corner of his eye, and then it comes down to rest so gently on Peter’s shoulder, and it all seems too much. There’d been no one there to hold him after May’s death, and he hadn’t had time to grieve with the stress of school and working to try to afford it. The burning in his eyes overflows and scorches down his cheeks. He turns and buries his face in Bucky’s broad chest. Immediately the strong, warm arms come down around him, bracketing him in a safety he hasn’t felt in years. One large hand comes up to cradle Peter’s head, pressing him closer, and he feels Bucky’s head lean down to rest against the crown of his own.

“I’m sorry,” Peter cries.

“Don’t be,” Bucky says roughly. “Nothin’ to be sorry for.”

They stand there hugging for one long minute, both of them loathe to let go. Eventually Bucky’s firm hold turns into a soft sway, and then they are dancing. It’s very middle-school, just a gentle shuffle from side to side, but hadn’t that been all May and Ben ever did together? And maybe it’s wrong to even compare May and Ben to Peter and Bucky, because of the age different, because of the fact that Bucky has a boyfriend.

Peter glances up, and there must be hero-worship on his face but he can’t help it. This dark man coaxed him from his sick bed, brought him to this refuge. Bucky is his hero, now, so worthy of Peter’s gratefulness and idolization and—they aren’t swaying from side to side anymore, more like swaying closer and closer together, and Bucky’s hand is still buried in Peter’s curls. It’s all very intimate, and even when the song changes, they don’t move. When Peter sees those pale eyes drop to his mouth, his breath catches in his throat.

“I want to kiss you,” Bucky says, voice low and rough. “But it doesn’t feel right to kiss you when you’ve been crying.”

“That seems like the perfect time to kiss me,” Peter breathes.

That’s all Bucky needs, swooping down to press their eager mouths together. One hand presses firmly against Peter’s lower back, dragging them flush together, and Peter is looking so far up to kiss Bucky that he feels nearly bent in half, back arched obscenely. Their mouths part mutually, and Bucky tastes like the energy drink he’d guzzled after lunch. Peter’s hands come up to grip desperately at the older man’s shirt, fisting the fabric, loathe to let him part even an inch.

“This is better than the cinema.”

Bucky and Peter pull apart like they’ve been burnt, turning to see Tony where he leans against the open door frame of the study.

[nerianasims]

Billboards #1 1965

Under the cut.

Petula Clark – “Downtown” -- January 23, 1965

I love this song to bits. I don't entirely know why. Petula Clark obviously sings it wonderfully. There's that little bell that sometimes chimes in. There's a pattern to the song that makes it feel like Broadway, which is, of course, downtown. It's a fantasy version of a downtown in a big city. One thing I love about fantasy is a sense of place, and that's what this entire song is dedicated to. It's an unusual subject for pop music, and it's great.

The Righteous Brothers – “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” -- February 6, 1965

How does one even talk about this song? It feels somehow eternal. This is Phil Spector's production at its best. But Bill Medley's singing is the point. This song is one of the greats.

Gary Lewis And The Playboys – “This Diamond Ring” -- February 20, 1965

Gary Lewis is Jerry Lewis' son. Unlike his father, he does not consist entirely of annoyance-producing molecules, but the song's not good either. In it, the guy's fiancee dumped him and he's selling the diamond ring. A boring, bland heartbreak song that belongs three years or so back.

The Temptations – “My Girl” -- March 6, 1965

My mom used to sing this song to me when I was a little kid. I think a lot of parents sing this song to their little girls; it's that kind of love song. Yet it's not irritatingly antiseptic. It's about true love. True love can be a lot of things. This song is every superlative you can think of. Brilliant in every aspect.

The Beatles – “Eight Days A Week” -- March 13, 1965 

It's a good, but not great, Beatles song. Very fun, with a lot of interesting things musically, like the bassline (as usual) and whatever George Harrison does with his guitar.

The Supremes – “Stop! In The Name Of Love” -- March 27, 1965

Finally, Diana Ross actually sounds kinda pissed off. It's also got more of a rock edge. She's still begging, and not threatening to leave the guy's cheating ass. Yet, though there is no explicit threat, I feel like there is an implied ultimatum here.

Freddie And The Dreamers – “I’m Telling You Now” -- April 10, 1965

It sounds like this guy is exaggerating his English accent. Considering the British Invasion, probably. He cackles like a monkey on acid, which is the only interesting thing about the song, which is otherwise a bland love song. Though the cackle is interesting, that doesn't make it good. It's creepy. I don't like this one.

Wayne Fontana & The Mindbenders – “The Game Of Love” -- April 24, 1965

"The purpose of a man is to love a woman, and the purpose of a woman is to love a man." Whoo boy. Dated. But the song is 55 years old. Attempting to put that aside, the music is good. The lyrics sound pushy, though. Also it gets terribly repetitive at the end. Meh.

Herman’s Hermits – “Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got A Lovely Daughter” -- May 1, 1965

Was it once usual for guys to go to their ex-girlfriends' mothers to talk of their heartbreak after the girlfriend dumped them? This song is painfully "look how English I am! You Americans like to throw money at English pop singers, right?" It wears out its welcome quickly.

The Beatles – “Ticket To Ride” -- May 22, 1965

It's interesting how the Beatles seem to have matured five years in one. I can't imagine this group having performed "I Want to Hold Your Hand." The harmonies and rhythms in "Ticket to Ride" are far more complex, the sounds are more varied, and the lyrics are much more mature. His wife/girlfriend is absolutely determined to leave him, and he seems taken by surprise. Yet there are hints he shouldn't have been: "She would never be free when I was around." He goes on, "My baby don't care." Yet underneath there's the suggestion that she simply hasn't got it in her to care any more, because he's exhausted her. Layers of harmony and layers of meaning. It's an intelligent heartbreak song, and those are rare.

The Beach Boys – “Help Me, Rhonda” -- May 29, 1965

I know Brian Wilson was a musical genius but I usually don't like the Beach Boys. It's the lyrics. The narrator was dumped, now he's begging Rhonda to be his rebound. Lucky Rhonda. Then they sing "Help me Rhonda/ Help, help me Rhonda" about five dozen times. Not for me.

The Supremes – “Back In My Arms Again” -- June 12, 1965

Urgh. Don't listen to the Supremes' #1 hits close together. She's got her man back because she stopped listening to her friends' advice. In isolation, there's nothing wrong with that. After all the songs about rotten cheating assholes whom the narrator is desperate to keep, though, it's super uncomfortable. Also using the names of the two backup singers as the friends who give bad advice is in poor taste. And "Flo, she don't know, cuz the boy she loves is a Romeo"? You solely date Romeos! Taken alone, without the context of the other songs, it's good, though I still don't like the strange insult toward the backup singers. Taken with the rest of the Supremes' hits, though, I'm not happy. Especially considering these were all written by men.

The Four Tops – “I Can’t Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch)” -- June 19, 1965

The Supremes weren't the only people in Motown singing about being hopelessly in love with someone who treated them badly. That's what this song is about. I like it, though the line "I'm weaker than a man should be" is a bit wince-inducing these days. But it's an honest sentiment about how men often feel they're not allowed to be idiots over love, though that's a near-universal human experience. Anyway, good song.

The Byrds – Mr. Tambourine Man -- June 26, 1965

The original version of this song was by Bob Dylan, but the Byrds didn't like it, so they changed the sound and ditched a bunch of the lyrics. The lyrics they were left with don't matter at all. This is all about the music, especially the guitar. It's mellow without being soporific, groovy without requiring drugs to understand. It's nice.

The Rolling Stones – “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” -- July 10, 1965

The Rolling Stones were almost never nice. They went straight for the gut -- or gonads -- found all the nastiest things that people are afraid to say and embarrassed to feel, and hung them up on the front porch. "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" sounds kind of silly today, since it's been played and overplayed so much. But that beginning riff still goes straight to the back-brain.

Two years before, pap like "Hey Paula" was clogging the airwaves. Funnily enough, it's the same subject matter: Goddamn I want to get laid. (The idea that Mick Jagger had trouble getting laid is pretty ridiculous, but anyway.) And then there's the critical bit about hating advertisements. They managed to stick a cultural criticism into a song that's about wanting sex. When you can't get no satisfaction, everything is annoying, and things that were already annoying to begin with start to feel unbearable. The Stones go harder in every way than any #1 before them.

Herman’s Hermits – “I’m Henry VIII, I Am” -- August 7, 1965

And here's the opposite. This song must be meant to be annoying, right? One of my friends and I used to sing it at our parents to drive them nuts, and that was before Ghost. It was their fault for exposing us to it in the first place.

Sonny And Cher – “I Got You Babe” -- August 14, 1965

Cher with Sonny is eternally confusing. Though their marriage didn't last, their love was real, and Cher was heartbroken when Sonny died. But anyway, the song. Sonny saying Cher has a "little hand" is goofy. Actually the whole song is kinda goofy, especially the beat that seems to be made of kazoos. Cher's got this powerful, deep voice, while Sonny has a squeaky little thing, but somehow they mesh. The sentiment is sincere, and a good picture of what it's like to be in a happy relationship. It's good.

The Beatles – “Help!” -- September 4, 1965

John Lennon was only 25 when he sang about being "younger, so much younger than today." But for the Beatles, that could have been two years before. They got so famous so fast and so young, I don't know how any of them lived through it. And that is what this song's about; Lennon called it a "public freak-out." But it's still universal. I love this song, and it helped carry me through some tough times.

Barry McGuire – “Eve Of Destruction” -- September 25, 1965

I remember when I first heard this song on the radio in the car with my mother, I asked her what "Old enough to kill/ But not for voting" meant. That's when I learned people used to not be able to vote until they were 21, though young men could be drafted at 18. I was absolutely stunned, and obviously it stuck with me. When you're a little kid, you tend to think the people in charge are generally fair. Then you find out that's not true at all. That's what this song is about, to me.

The McCoys – “Hang On Sloopy” -- October 2, 1965

Speaking of fair, I'm about to be totally unfair. I hate this fucking song. I had to play it endlessly in middle school band, and then I had to play it AGAIN in high school marching band. And the flute part in the arrangements was the most boring thing that has ever been conceived. I hate this song and I will not be listening to it or thinking about it more than this.

The Beatles – “Yesterday” -- October 9, 1965

Why do people in songs lose their significant others so often because they said something wrong and they don't know what it was? That can't be common. Anyway, this song is beautiful and sad. I'm kind of tired of all the covers of it though.

The Rolling Stones – “Get Off Of My Cloud” -- November 6, 1965

I'm listening to the original mono version of this, and mono sounds very strange these days. I keep wanting to check that my speakers are plugged in. Anyway, thanks to Jagger's marbles-in-mouth singing, I can't understand a word of this song except "Hey! you! get off of my cloud!" and I've never known the lyrics until now. And they're not important. Even the chorus isn't that important. This is all about the beat and the music, neither of which I find interesting for the entire length of the song. Not for me.

The Supremes – “I Hear A Symphony” -- November 20, 1965

A thoroughly happy Supremes song! I think Diana Ross is more suited to happy lovesongs than what she had been singing. She has a lot more emotion in her voice than she has before. The violins are lovely. I love this song.

The Byrds – “Turn! Turn! Turn!” -- December 4, 1965

I have always found this song slightly annoying. The Bible verse set to light pop thing doesn't do it for me. The music isn't anywhere near dramatic enough. This should be operatic, or heavy metal, or something else with serious weight. This is thin.

The Dave Clark Five – “Over And Over” -- December 25, 1965

This song is a bit of a throwback to three or four whole years before. It would have been good then. At this point, it's pretty boring. It's about going to a party he didn't want to go to, hitting on a girl, and getting turned down. The snare drum beat is very repetitive, and so is the melody. A big meh.

BEST OF 1965: "My Girl", with stiff competition.   WORST OF 1965: "I'm Telling You Now"

[roleplay-lanay]

The Meaning of Family / Normal is Overrated

Chapter 2: Brighter Days

Chapter 1 >> Chapter 3

This story is my own. It is posted on Ao3, Deviantart, and Wattpad. However, I do not own any characters from the X-men universe, they are the sole property of Marvel. Please leave comments and constructive criticism. All my love x

“[F/n]... How could you do this to us?” she cried into her hands. She was beautiful in her white night gown. Her perfectly messy brown hair fell over her shoulder resting on her knees, just in front of her elbows. The shadow of a man stood tall and overbearing above her. His back to a large window with moonlight pouring into the room. His arms crossed and a look of disdain on his shadowy face.

“After everything we have done for you, your whole life. This is how you repay us?”

A feeling of helplessness fell over me. They wouldn’t listen to me, no matter how many times I tried to tell them...

“LIAR! You evil wench! How could you possibly think we would believe that?”

It was silent. I was on the ground with a throbbing pain on my cheek and uncontrollable tears did nothing to soothe the pain.

“Oh honey. You can still make this right.”

I looked up to see the beautiful woman’s shadowy face turned up to me with a sinister smile. I shake my head. What she wanted was inconceivable. Her smile turned quickly into a scowl and she reared her hand back

“You bloody whore!” she screamed, and I squeezed my eyes shut waiting for the impact. When it never came I opened them. I found that I wasn’t in the same moonlit room but in a room illuminated by the sunrise through the curtains. My son, Charles, was kneeling by my side holding my hand. When he saw my eyes open, he shifted so that he was leaning over my face. He wiped, just below my eyes, the tears.

“It’s okay mommy. I’m here”, he whispered. His sweet voice brought a smile to my face,

“I’m sorry my dear Charlie.” I propped myself up on my elbow and wrapped my other arm around the child bringing him to me and pressing a kiss to his forehead. He wraps his arms around my neck and I sigh. It was a recurring nightmare. It tormented me to no end and every time I have it is just as worse as the last. Charlie had grown accustomed to wiping my tears just as I wake up. The poor child, I couldn’t imagine how he felt every morning. I sit up and set Charlie on my lap. The smell of breakfast foods wafted into the room by way of the cracked door.

Last night, Charlie and I were invited to spend the night in the home of Charles Xavier and Raven, whom he claims to be his sister despite her American accent. They were very kind to us from the moment we met them. We entered the house and Xavier took our coats from us to hang up; it was the last time we saw him as he had some business to attend to in his office. Raven then offered us some sandwiches and I paired mine with water. I was still parched as my untouched glass of water from the pub was probably being poured out by then.

Charlie and Raven hit it off nicely. He would usually spend his time close to me, holding onto me, but he was comfortable with her, quick to smile and hold her hand, he was even a little talkative. Eventually she showed us to the room that we are in currently and bid us good night. A warm welcome that, hopefully, I could extend until I can figure things out for little Charlie and I.

“Darling, why don’t we get washed and head downstairs?” I smooth his hair and he nods.

After getting cleaned and changed, we made our way downstairs. Following the chatter led us to the kitchen. Raven stood next to the stove and Charles leaned on the island just across from the stove. Both wore pale peach colored aprons, both a little frilly, both quite fitting.

“Ah, there you two are. I thought I heard a bit of stirring upstairs.” Charles smiled at us warmly and waved us in. Charlie made his way over to Raven who had swiftly picked him up with a good morning. I walked in nodding a good morning to the both of them and wrapping my arms around my torso, “It smells really nice.” I had stopped along the other side of the island. Charles moved to take Ravens place as she moves to set Charlie down on the island. “I hope the food will be alright for you both.” She says smiling at me over Charlie’s head. “I’m sure it’s all wonderful.”

“Yes and lucky for you,” Xavier busies himself with putting the food on the serving plates, “it’s all finished now.” He looks over his shoulder at me, “[F/n], will you take those plates there and set the table.” He nods to the four stacked plates just in front of me. I pick them up and walk towards the table, a rather large one. It seems lonely, just the two of them at a table that can fit ten plus. Raven and Charlie come up behind me with napkins and utensils. We set four spots just across from each other and Charles came over placing plates of food in the center of the set up. I walk over to the other side of the table to sit down. I was slightly surprised when Charlie chose to sit beside me instead of by his new best friend though I knew I shouldn’t be.

“Alright then, dig in.” Charles announces as he wipes his hands on a plain hand towel and sits down. I thank them and help Charlie with his food before helping myself.

“Where are you both from?” Charles, as he works to transfer some food to his plate.

“You’re going to interrogate them, this early in the morning?” Raven looks over to Charles with disbelief in her tone.

“It is not an interrogation.” He states then turns to me and defends, “This is not an interrogation, just friendly conversation.”

I laugh and Charlie moves to kneel on his chair, “We live by the water. It’s really pretty there when the sun sets.”

“Is that right? And do you like to swim in the water?”

He nods and sticks a piece of fruit with his fork, “but my favorite thing to do is to lay with mommy on the grass and watch the water.” I smile at him as he puts the fruit in his mouth.

“You know, we have a small lake around back,” Raven speaks up, “I could show it to you guys later.”

“That sounds lovely, Raven.”

“Quite a lovely idea indeed. I would love to join you, but I have to head over to the college right after breakfast.” He places a forkful in his mouth. I had really hoped to have some time to speak with him before we burdened them another night. He looks at me knowingly, “But I’ll be back sometime after lunch and before dinner. We can have our chat then.”

The side of my lip pulls up into a half smile.

“Hey Charlie,” Raven crosses her legs and leans into the table with renewed interest, “why don’t you show us that trick of yours now?”

Charlie turned to look at me timidly but in his eyes was an excitement. No one had asked to see his gift before and he trusted them. I place my hand on his head cupping it and look over towards Charles. He was the one who objected to it yesterday, so I wanted to make sure it was alright. He noticed all of our eyes on him and he leaned back giving a little shrug and gestured for Charlie to go ahead.

I remove my hand and lean back to watch him. He comes off of his knees to stand on the chair with his fork in his hand. It still had a piece of fruit attached to it. Raven watched curiously. Xavier had crossed his legs and his arms but it was easy to see the hidden excitement in his eyes.

Charlie had eaten the fruit off of the fork and immediately his body started to change. His soft skin had become a hard metal, as did his eyes and his hair. Because of the dull complexion of the fork, the light shining through the curtains just behind us wasn’t made to blind us, but, instead, it illuminated the surface of what was once his skin with a myriad of rainbow colors depending on the curvature of his body in certain places.

“Oh my... Charlie that’s so cool!”, Raven exclaimed as she quickly made her way around the table, passing behind Charles and then me to get to Charlie. He gave the biggest smile as raven reached up to gently touch him.

Charles uncrossed his legs and gave an amazed smirk, “Brilliant. A boy this young...”, he trailed off seemingly lost in thought.

I look up at my metal boy just as Raven asked if he could do anything else. He put the fork down and immediately reverted back to look like a normal human boy and leans down to touch the chair. He then changed to take on the wood material of the chair. He giggled and talked animatedly with the amazed Raven. Xavier leans over to address me, “So, he takes on the material of whatever he is touching?”

My eyes turn to him with a feeling of pride. I nod, “Yes, but only as long as he is touching the object.” We both look over at the pair trying new materials like the porcelain plate.

“How much have you tested his ability?”

“Not much. I didn’t want to risk him getting found out.”

He looked at me curiously, his cheek was resting on his hand and his index and middle finger were pressed to his temple for a second before he curled his fingers back into his palm, “It was never once because you were ashamed or embarrassed.” It was a statement more than a question. I shook my head. Since the moment I realized that he was gifted, the want to shun my child had never once crossed my mind. Just the fear of how others might treat him or that he could, one day, be taken away from me by people who only want to do him harm for the sake of research.

Suddenly, Charlie catches my attention by climbing into my lap, “Raven is going to show us her trick too.” I laugh and wrap my arms around him, turning my attention to the lady. She took Charlie’s seat facing us. Charles sat back again watching us with amusement.

Raven looked directly at me, “Name someone you like.” She paused before specifying, “Someone famous.”

I took a second to think, then Charlie touched my arm. I looked down at him, “You like Elvis, right?” His eyes were shining. He’s the one who adores Elvis. Some of the few things we owned were an Elvis record, among five other records, and a record player. It’s his favorite by far. He’ll hold the record album and look at Elvis while his suave voice played in the background. Elvis wasn’t my favorite, but how could I disappoint that sweet face.

I kissed his head, “Sure, we’ll go with Elvis.”

She gave a smile and sat with her legs crossed, hands folded on top of the part of the peach apron resting on her lap. We watched her attentively as she transformed into Elvis. While Charlie’s transition was a more smooth, gradual change, hers was more abrupt. Some blue matter overcame her and then disappeared revealing Elvis in the flesh, technically. His legs were crossed and his hands folded on his lap, just like Raven’s previous form.

I had no clue what to expect but it surely wasn’t that she would change into him. I was speechless but Charlie gasped in surprise and jumped up to stand on the chair, between my legs. I placed my hands on his legs to steady him but I watched them.

“You’re Elvis!” he exclaimed excitedly.

The chuckle that came from her throat was a light manly one.

“Can you sing something?” came out of my mouth before I could even process what I was asking. I was too amazed, however, to feel embarrassed.

She gave that famous Elvis smirk, with glimmering blue eyes I had no clue he had, and stood up getting into his stance. Without a pause, as if with his confidence, she began rocking like Elvis and singing the first verse of Hard Headed Woman:

Well a hard headed woman, a soft hearted man been the cause of trouble ever since the world began. Oh yeah, ever since the world began a hard headed woman been a thorn in the side of man.

Once she was finished, Charlie, Mr. Xavier and I applauded her and cheered. It was completely amazing what she was able to do. Before long, Charlie had hopped to the ground and started practicing his Elvis moves with her. It was honestly the cutest sight you could ever see. Charles and I sat back and watched but not two minutes later the large grandfather clock in the hallway began to chime. It was 9 o’clock. It seemed to startle Charles out of some type of daze.

“Oh hell... I’m going to be late.” Charles had paused a moment and looked at young Charlie who was looking up at him curiously, “Pardon my language.”

He stood quickly and began cleaning his place, taking his things to the sink. Raven laughed and changed back to her original self. “He’s not used to all of this.”

Raven, again, took Charlie’s seat and Charlie settled on her lap. Charles, in a rush, heads out of the dinning room and rounds the corner, but quickly pokes his head back in.

“I apologize for having to leave so abruptly. I’ll be around later.” He nods to us then looks to Raven, “Treat them well.” He rounded again and after a few minutes the front door was opened then shut.

I look at Raven and she smiles at me. “How about we go see the lake now?”

Charlie jumps up excitedly and I nod and look down at the child, “Charlie, let’s help clean first.”

He agrees and we all grab things off the table. Charlie was in charge of throwing things in the trash and Raven and I worked at the sink, though she tried to tell me I didn’t have to help. It was a lot more fun than cleaning should have been and it looked like Raven thought the same. We all tried the Elvis twist and singing songs that we knew. The dishes were cleaned and the table was wiped down in no time it seemed.

Finally, she takes us on an official tour of the grounds and we end the tour at the lake, slightly bigger than I imagined, but not so much. It was a gorgeous day out. Very few clouds were to be seen in the sky and the soft spring breeze was a welcome companion to the warm heat of the sun. Charlie and Raven played a bit but somehow we all ended up laying in the grass, looking up at the sky. Charlie insisted on lying down between us and holding both of our hands. There was the sounds of our voices, moving water, small animals, and the grass in the wind. It was so serene and we hadn’t even been here a whole day. I silently prayed that whatever it was that Charlie and I stumbled upon, this peace, that we could keep it for a while longer. All I needed to do now was finally have that conversation with Charles Xavier. Just a few more hours.

[lemonlushff-iy]

Summary: Kagome comes home to Montana from her new life in California…only to be greeted with hostility and the demons of her past. Some mistakes can never be forgiven. She just hopes that maybe this one can.

RATED M / NSFW

Story inspired by Clearwillow​’s “New Moon Ride”, written with permission and for the March 14, 2020 White Day celebration…and slowly uploaded much sooner…

Read parts 1-7 here

One Last Ride - Part Eight

His tongue felt fuzzy and it was far too bright in the room. A pounding headache drilled through his skull, and he wanted to just roll over and die.

Fuck...what had he done last night?

He wanted to try and remember, but his splitting headache was making that far too difficult right now. God damn! Who the hell was turning on a blender at this ungodly hour?

What time was it anyways?

He rolled over with a groan and just barely pried open an eye to grab his phone and wake it up.

9:00 am

Why did he feel like he was running late?

Something in the back of his head told him he needed to get up.

Right now.

Wait.

FUCK!

Souta's graduation!

Inuyasha pushed himself out of bed and stumbled around his room, rummaging through drawers to find a nicer pair of his jeans and a button down, white tank top, and undergarments. He rushed to the bathroom, turning on the water and jumping in...even though the water was still freezing.

He was almost worried his balls would never recover from the shock factor, but he needed to be a man and suck it up.

In and out.

That was the goal so he wouldn't smell like whatever the fuck he smelled like. He gave himself a quick once over with soap, only hitting all of the necessary areas before he was throwing the shower curtain open and tripping over the  bathmat. His head smacked into the mirror over the sink across from the tub, and he let out an embarrassing whimper.

God dammit all to hell!

When the fuck had the bathmat bunched up?!

Fuck!

His head was already throbbing. He didn't need this shit too.

Inuyasha placed his hands on either side of the sink, trying to take deep, calming breaths and not tear the bathroom to pieces. Ma would never forgive him. And then he'd be down a bathroom.

Showering out back in the open wasn't exactly something he wanted to do.

Then again...he wouldn't mind it if he had an appreciative audience…Someone with black hair and stormy, blue grey eyes...

His eyes widened. Where the hell had that come from.

He didn't have time to contemplate it. He needed to down half the bottle of Advil in the medicine cabinet and like, four god damn gallons of water. Why the hell did he drink as much as he did yesterday? He remembered playing the drinking game with Kikyo, but that alone shouldn't have caused this.

Fuck, did it even matter right now?

He pulled the bottle of pills out of the medicine cabinet, opening the top and popping a few into his hand before throwing them back and swallowing. He did his best to towel off, shave, and get ready before running down the stairs.

Coffee. He needed coffee.

And all the goddamn water in the fucking kitchen.

"Well!" his mother greeted, seeing him enter the kitchen like a bull in a china cabinet. "Would ya look who's finally awake! I take it you had a grand ol' time last night!"

"Great time," he groaned, looking for a coffee mug and she moved to stand in front of the coffee pot.

"Oh no young man...You better not be thinking about getting coffee...I know you know better than that…"

She wasn't...oh you had to be fucking kidding right now.

"Ma...I ain't seventeen anymore."

"No...but you sure as hell act like it! Do you know the kinda scare I had last night? Seeing Kagome dragging your drunk ass home?"

That gave him pause. Kagome? Why the hell did she take him home? She was out with her friends. He was out with Kikyo...Come to think of it...How the hell did he get home last night? It hurt too much to think about that right now.

God fucking damnit he needed some godamn coffee!

"Ma, I don't have time for this," he rumbled.

"And you do not use that tone with me!" his mother scolded, crossing her arms over her chest, and he heard his father's near silent chuckle come from outside.

"I'm sorry Ma," he ground out through his teeth, "but I have a really bad hangover and I really need some coffee before I go to Souta's graduation.

His mother arched her brow and picked up the coffee pot, pouring the last little bit down the sink, and he paled.

"If you're going to behave like a delinquent, then you can suffer through the consequences of your actions. Maybe you'll learn now since I clearly failed to raise you right!"

She was digging in deep today huh?

"I cannot wait until I’m done building my damn house so I can move outta here!” he snapped, a low growl rumbled out from his chest, and his mother sent him out to the front porch, yelling at him about manners and respect and he honestly stopped paying attention, the sheer volume of her anger only making his ears ring. His headache wasn't any better and he didn't get his fucking coffee.

Fucking fantastic.

He slumped down into a chair next to his father who only smirked at him, holding out his coffee cup.

He glanced at it wide eyed before grabbing it and downing the remaining coffee in a few deep gulps.

"Thanks Pops," he smiled weakly, handing the cup back to him.

"You're welcome," he replied, a smirk still tugging the corner of his lips. "I take it you had fun last night?"

"I'm sure I did - I just can't seem to remember how much fun and what kind right now."

"If you can't remember, maybe you had too much fun."

"Not you too," he groaned.

"Nah," he chuckled, "I think your mother already did a fine job. And...don't tell her...but I'm not upset. Disappointed that you mighta been a little reckless...but you're a hard working man, son. You're allowed to blow off a little steam every now and then. I'm just surprised ya did it on your date."

"It was Kikyo's idea," he groaned, resting his head in his hands. "She wanted to play a drinking game."

"Huh. Liking the girl more and more. Just don't tell your mother. She wouldn't approve."

"And she's all for this...I know."

His mother had been ecstatic when she had first heard that he and Kikyo were talking. She loved her for reasons he didn't quite get. Not that there was anything wrong with Kikyo, but she hadn't reacted this way about one of his prospects since...not since Kagome.

His ears swiveled towards the road as both men heard a car approach, and his father stood with a groan, patting his son on the back.

"Don't get into too much trouble today, ok? I can't take another night of calming your mother...No matter how sexy she gets when she's angry."

"Pops!"

"Have fun now!" he chuckled, going back inside and Inuyasha sighed as the car pulled up. Kagome was in the driver's seat, her mother next to her.

That put Souta in the back with him.

Great. The back.

This would be fun.

He opened the door and slid in, trying to look cheery, but he wasn't quite sure he hit the mark.

"Morning sunshine," Kagome greeted chipperly as he buckled himself in, glaring at her. "Don't give me that look," she chided, picking up a thermos from the cup holder and handing it back to him. "I brought you something."

He raised a brow in question before opening the canister and groaned as the sweet...or rather bitter...smell of coffee floated up to his nostrils. He inhaled deeply, sighing.

"I love you...thank you."

He didn't realize what he had said and who he had said it to until after he had drank some of his sweet, sweet coffee and he saw Souta giving him a bewildered look.

"I—"

"—Don't worry about it. I know what you mean," Kagome smiled weakly, turning around to regard him with a soft look in her eyes. "You had a hell of a night and I figured you might need it. Your mother wasn't thrilled when we came home."

"She wasn't that thrilled this morning either," he muttered, slumping down in his seat, and he heard Kagome giggle...the sound and her gesture tugging at his heart strings, drawing an unbidden whimper from his throat.

Fuck. Today was going to be a hell of a day.

Why had he said that?

Fucking fuckety FUCK!

He didn't even love her anymore, but it had flowed off of his tongue so easily. Like an unchecked habit.

The rest of the car ride had been painfully awkward despite Kagome's mother doing her best to diffuse the tension. Between his hangover and that hell of a blunder, his day was off to a great start.

And he still couldn't remember much of the night before.

He remembered a lot of making out with Kikyo…

Maybe some pool?

But nothing more concrete than that.

Inuyasha glanced over at Kagome as they sat in the auditorium, listening to their old principal give some long, boring speech about the future and starting a new chapter of their lives and blah, blah, blah. He was pretty sure the guy used the same damn speech at their graduation.

He couldn't have mixed it up a little, could he?

"So what exactly happened last night," he whispered nervously, and she tilted her head to the side towards him.

"You mean you don't remember the hot, hot sex we had?" she whispered back, bewildered, and his brain completely shut down as his throat went dry.

...They...What?!

"We...I…" 

How the hell had that happened?

The fifteen year old in him was snarling that he had gotten so drunk that he couldn't remember his deepest teenage fantasy becoming a reality. She had been the star of his every "dirty" dream. For years she was the woman he had imagined touching...caressing...fucking...making love to…He had imagined her screaming his name in pleasure as their bodies slid together so many times...but he couldn't remember it when it actually fucking happened for real?

Yeah. The teenager in him was beyond pissed.

The adult in him, however, was mortified that he would do something so completely and utterly stupid. This woman had destroyed him. Left him hollow and broken and miserable for years. She had left a shirt in his room unintentionally after they broke up...he was ashamed to admit that he had clung to it at night for months after until her scent finally disappeared and he tucked it into a box under his bed.

A box of Kagome. Photos and ticket stubs and little things that reminded him of her had been abandoned there, left to rot away and forever be forgotten.

What really puzzled him was the lack of "sex" smell when he had woken up. Sure, he smelled like shit...but shouldn't he have still smelled some trace of...that on him?

"I'm kidding," she snickered, and he relaxed a little...but his heart still grew oddly heavy and bitter.

"That wasn't funny," he hissed, and she raised an eyebrow at him.

"No? You don't think so?"

"Not even a little. Can't you be serious for one goddamn minute?"

"I thought we were trying to be civil?"

"Yet you're the one jerking me around!"

Kagome took a deep, calming breath before fixing him with a hard look.

"You want to have at it again? Fine. We can do it again. But not here, and not now.

No. I don't know what you did last night.

I just know that you and Kikyo were in no shape to be driving so I left the girls to take both of your sorry asses home so you wouldn't crash and die. So you're welcome," she snapped.

His jaw twitched before he forced himself to grind out a barely audible thank you through clenched teeth.

They sat through the majority of the ceremony in silence...but he didn't need to talk to her to know what she was feeling. He could feel and smell the pain and frustration and guilt radiating off of her in nearly tangible waves. He felt this old, long forgotten, yet familiar desire to comfort her and apologize bubble up from the pit of his gut...but what the hell did he have to apologize for? She was the one fucking with him!

She was always the one toying with him like he didn't fucking matter...

"Do you still have a hangover," he heard Kagome whisper, and he told her he did. He watched her silently reach into her purse, taking out a small reusable bottle of water and a ziplock baggie with a handful of pills.

"Here," she said handing them to him, and he felt his heart ache again as he accepted her peace offering.

"Thanks," he whispered, throwing some of the pills back before handing everything to her.

"Keep it for a while," she advised, nodding towards the water bottle. "You need to re-hydrate. I brought it for you anyways."

"Ok," he smiled wanly, and she weakly returned it.

Soon he heard the closing music start to play and the graduates walked back down the aisle, ready to meet their family outside of the auditorium in the warm June sunshine.

He stood, following Kagome and her mother outside to find Souta, where they all shared rounds of hugs and 'congratulations', and 'we're so proud of you's.

Inuyasha happily volunteered to take photos of the small family, a strangely content, honored, almost paternal feeling washing over him as he did.

"Inuyasha dear, why don't you come take my place? You should be in a few photos too."

He was about to refuse, but thought better of it. Mrs. Higurashi wanted him in a few photos. He couldn't say no to her...so instead he swallowed, nodded, and took her place to the left of Souta. His fingers accidentally grazed Kagome's arm as he wrapped his around the young man's shoulders, and he noticed her straighten in surprise, clearly restraining herself from shooting him a questioning look. Instead, she moved her fingers from Souta's back to his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze.

He could feel the heat from her skin radiating through his shirt, burning him. Scorching everywhere she touched.

He didn't know why...or what the hell came over him, but his hand left Souta's back to give her arm a light squeeze, and her scent changed.

Remorse.

His eyes flitted to her face and he was surprised to see her looking at him, her eyes pained.

What he wouldn't give to ask her what she was thinking now...What he wouldn't give to comfort her...

His breath caught in his throat.

No.

He didn't care. 

He just had to last the week, then she was gone. Off to her life in California, just the way she wanted it.

Unless her boss let her stay. Which was highly unlikely.

"Inuyasha...Kagome...Smile! It's a happy day," Mrs. Higurashi encouraged, and he watched Kagome turn away from him, shooting the older woman a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

He followed her lead, and a few minutes later, they were done.

A friend called out to Souta, drawing his attention from his family, and one of the teachers came over to speak to the proud mother, leaving him alone with Kagome.

He felt the heat of her eyes on him and he awkwardly glanced at her again, confirming his suspicions.

"Yeah?" He asked a bit more roughly than he intended, and Kagome snapped her attention away from him.

"Nothing."

"I don't think ya'd be looking at me like that if it were just 'nothing', Kagome."

She turned to regard him again, her lips pressing into a thin line as she told him, "Honestly? When you shave, you just look more...you. The you that I remember, at least. It just...everything is taking me back to our graduation day. "

He remembered it well. It marked the beginning of the end. One last summer together.

"Huh," he muttered, and she rolled her eyes.

"You and your damn 'huh's."

"What...you don't like 'em?"

"I never have."

"Huh," he smirked, doing it intentionally this time, and a small smile graced her lips before she turned her attention elsewhere. "I was just thinking that maybe I should grow it back out if that's what this makes you think of," he explained rubbing his chin, unsure of why he felt the need to.

"You look handsome either way, Inuyasha," she disagreed. "You always have. You should do what makes you happy. You don't look like a boy if that's what you're worried about. I don't think you could. I was just...I guess I was just feeling nostalgic."

"So...I look like a man now, huh? A handsome man?" He drawled, and she rolled her eyes again.

"Don't start."

"I didn't. You did. You started this whole conversation about my facial hair."

"And if I would have known that it would lead to this I would have kept it to myself."

"Mhm…" he agreed. "Maybe. But you didn't. And now I know you still think I'm handsome. Gotta say, it's kinda nice knowing you still think I'm attractive after all these years."

"I've always been attracted to you, Inuyasha...but you've always known that, haven't you?"

Yeah. But that hadn't been enough, had it? In the end, she still left him. Why hadn't he been enough? What was he lacking that made him not good enough? What was so wrong about him that...that she didn't want to be with him anymore? He had told her he'd wait...and he had fucking meant it! It didn't matter how long it took. He'd still be here for her.

That was part of the problem, wasn't it?

She never had any intention of coming back.

Even for him...the man she "loved".

"Inuyasha?" Kagome whispered, pulling him away from the dark turn his thoughts had taken. "What's wrong."

"Nothing," he growled, startling her, and she straightened, confused but prepared to fight him again.

"Inuyasha!" a light, airy, feminine voice called out, and he watched Kagome's face morph into a mask of indifference as Kikyo waved.

"You should go to her," she encouraged.

"Kagome…"

"Inuyasha!" Kikyo called again, and Kagome waved him off, leaving him to stand by her mother and join in the conversation with their former teacher. He knew a dismissal when he heard one.

He spun around on his heel and greeted Kikyo, smiling as she shyly took his hands.

"The set up looked great...Thank you again for all of your help."

"It was my pleasure," he replied, trying to smile, but his conversation with Kagome and his previous dark thoughts hadn't quite loosened their grip over him yet.

"Listen...last night…"

"Was fun?" he supplied, and her smile only brightened.

"It was," she agreed. "I'm sorry for making you drink so much though...I didn't mean to let things get that far out of hand."

"It's ok...I'm still here ain't I? Somea last night is a little hazy still...but I'm glad you're ok."

"Me too. Glad you're ok, I mean. And that I'm ok," she blushed. "I guess we have Kagome to thank for that…"

"So I'm told," he mumbled. Damn. He wished he could remember what happened.

"We were that bad, huh?"

He could only shrug. "I guess it's been awhile since I drank that much," he admitted.

"I wasn't very nice to you during that game. I learned a lot of interesting things about you though…"

His eyes widened nervously.

"What kinda stuff."

Kikyo's face turned bright red as she stood up on her tiptoes to whisper into his ear. "Little things...like your favorite position for sex. Maybe we can try it out soon?"

He swore he turned bright red as she leaned in to kiss him, and he heard Souta catcall in the background.

"Damn!"

He smirked when the boy yelped. He couldn't confirm it...but he was pretty sure Kagome had smacked him upside the head.

She was jealous.

He'd be sure to give her something to be jealous over then...and he deepened the kiss, pulling Kikyo closer and sliding his hand into her hair. When they parted after several long minutes, her lips were swollen red, her pupils dilated, and her hair only slightly mussed up.

"I gotta go," he murmured apologetically, and she swallowed, nodding. "Call me later when you have a minute? Maybe we can set up another date...to try out that thing you talked about."

"Yeah...ok…"

___________________

That’s better right? Lighter? I thought it was lighter. One and a half more parts guys and then that’s it! I’m posting all I have for chapter 10 for white day too...because I want people should feel like it’s ok to post those, and lead by example, right?!

Wall of tags! Let me know if you want in or out!

(If you get tagged in this post after requesting tags, it’s because that’s how I’m keeping track of them. If you requested a tag and aren’t there, I might not have seen it so please ask again!)

@clearwillow, @keichanz, @dangerouspompadour, @nartista, @kaze-ranna, @superpixie42, @sticky-llama-perfection, @pinkpigeonstudio, @mcornilliac, @itzatakahashi, @zelink-inukag, @juliatheanimelover7, @csim28, @smmahamazing, @the-lucky-ones311, @cyncyn981, @animemomma96, @ayari17, @underwater0phelia, @sailorbabydoll92, @l-taisho29, @clearwillow, @animelove1313, @littlemissinukag, @gofoulpuppycollector​, @umacaking​, @chanin29​

[perriewinklenerdie]

Convincing enough (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Open Heart, Ethan Ramsey x MC

Author’s note: Hello, hello, hello! Angst yesterday was a result of my fool mood. It's back to fluff, cause I can't stay away from it for too long :D This idea was in my head for a solid four months and I decided to finally give it a shot

AO3 link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21151565

Enjoy! <3

---------------

„Hey... you can do this” his voice is soft, as is his touch, fingers grazing her palm, calming her down. She nodded, focusing on the scalpel and scalpel only. Tuning out everything except for the touch and sound of his voice, she positioned the blade. “There you go. Nice and easy.” Seconds later the cut is made, perfectly in between the ribs. “Now the tube.”

His fingers brush against hers as they insert the chest tube. Blood begins flowing through it, spilling onto the floor as the woman takes a deep breath. The young doctor sits back on her feet, staring at the fallen patient incredulously.

“We… we did it!” she exclaimed, looking to the older man for confirmation.

“She’s stable. Get her into surgery… She’s gonna make it.” he called out to the nurses, taking a few steps away to allow them to do their work. His arm brushed against her arm and sparks shot through her body, endorphins coursing in her bloodstream.

“Doctor… that was… absolutely amazing!”

“You’re right. It’s pretty amazing you didn’t get her killed.”  He replied, crossing his arms over his chest, his tone flat.

“Wait, what?” her tone fell as she felt like she just slammed into the wall at full force.

“Your examination was slow and superficial. Your scalpel technique, amateur at best…” he trailed off, his attention seemingly at everything but her.

“Amateur? Maybe you can give me private lessons.” She smirked slightly, her eyes sparkling in the bright light of the hospital hall.

“Ha! I just might, Doctor… Herondale. But I sincerely doubt you could afford my salary.” Throwing back her ID card, he turned around and went away without so much as looking at her again.

“What an asshole…” Claire muttered under her breath before conversing with nurses briefly and running to orientation.

---- ---- ----

Next time she ran into Dr. Ramsey she made sure to talk to him like a normal human being. He actually seemed less annoyed this time round. He even smiled at her, his words lingering on the edge of being flirty.

Third time was horrific. If she had to choose the worst moment of her day, that would be it. Misdiagnosing a patient is one thing. Being dragged through the mud because of it, by her attending, a man she admired since she was in high school, was another. And that was almost worse. It gave her a lot to think about, pushed her into the closet and made tears fall from her eyes. Bryce tried cheering her up, but that was something she had to overcome by herself.

And she did, figuring out the cause of Annie’s illness and managing to right her ship in Ethan’s eyes. At the end of the day, she was dragged away by her new friends to the bar with celebration in mind. Ethan was there too, sitting by the bar, swirling the last drops of his drink in the glass. His gaze shifted to her, meeting her green eyes, staring at her for a long moment. Almost as though he was calling her over with his blue irises. So that’s exactly what she did. She sat down next to him, feeling and seeing him watching her.

“Something wrong, Dr. Ramsey?”

“Just noticing how… different you look out in the real world.” He responded, allowing his eyes to run over her body, not as briefly as one would think be appropriate. The bartender approached them, asking what her order was. Eyeing his glass, she asked for two scotches, neat, sliding one of them to him once they were ready. He smirked as he lifted the glass to his lips, asking why not on the rocks.

“The ice changes the flavor.” She grinned, looking at him boldly. He nodded, agreeing with her.

“You know I can’t be bribed into favoring you, right?”

“I think you already favor me” Claire blinked once, smiling so widely her cheeks would probably start hurting soon. The corners of his lips lifted, replying before downing his drink in one long gulp.

“You keep believing that.”

After that, he requested two special drinks, which prompted the conversation about leaving work where work belongs. He seemed pensive when he talked, but there was something in his eye that had her wondering if he was telling the whole story. By the time they changed the subject, their drinks were ready. She found it delicious, expressing her feelings.

“You’re either sucking up to me, or you’ve got surprisingly refined taste for an intern.” He pointed out, observing her with curious eyes.

“I’m surprising in a lot of ways.” She shrugged, grinning widely. Ethan leaned in a little, his voice dropping a few octaves, low and warm.

“You’ll have to prove it.”

---- ---- ----

Two hours later, Claire walked out of the bar with her friends, looking at the hospital building wistfully. The thought of going back there in just a few short hours made her feel even more tired than she already was. Sienna came up with the idea of all of them getting a place together, and everyone agreed. Everyone except for Claire.

“Sorry guys, I’m going to have to pass. I like my place, I can’t exactly move out. I’d love to spend more time with all of you, I just can’t do that with you.” she spoke quietly, not wanting to offend any of them. Sienna wrapped her arms around her shoulders, shaking her head.

“Don’t worry about it, Claire. Just know that we are definitely visiting you sometime soon. That apartment of yours must be amazing, there’s no way we’re going to miss it!”

“Yeah…” she laughed nervously, trailing off.

Her taxi ride was long as the traffic got worse. How was that possible that even in the middle of the night, the streets were full and packed with cars and people. Her phone lit up with a text message that made her grin, her hand flying to the chain around her neck for a long moment.

At long last, she found herself at home, locking the front door behind her and leaning against it with a heavy sigh. She felt a pair of eyes on her, heard the sound of the book being put down on the table and soft footsteps approaching her.

“Tough first day?” he asked, opening up his arms for her. She fell into them, burying her face in his chest, taking a deep breath, his scent calming her senses.

“You have no idea. There was this asshole that made me question myself at least three separate times. Incredibly handsome but insists on testing me, making me prove myself.” She whined, her forehead pressed against his collarbone.

“A handsome asshole has been bothering you? Maybe I should do something about it. Talk to him or something.”

“I don’t think he likes being told what to do by other people. He did mention that I may have a refined taste, but didn’t say in what. If I had to guess, I’d say…” she leaned back, trailing her hands up his neck and into his hair, pulling him closer, their lips brushing against each other as she spoke. “… that I have an excellent taste in men.”

“And in choosing husbands. I would be so lost without you.” he murmured before kissing her softly, their eyes fluttering shut.

“I agree. And I would be lost without you too.”

They went about their evening, eating and talking about her day, him listening about her patients and their diagnosis, her new friends and colleagues. When night got dark, they retired to bed, lying in each other’s arms, his hand running up and down her back soothingly.

“Do you think we were convincing enough today?” he asked, turning his head to kiss her forehead as he grinned.

“Oh, I think you did just right. The way you ripped me to shreds?” she leaned on her elbow as she looked at him with a smirk. “There is no way anyone is even thinking about us knowing each other, let alone being married, Ethan.”

He took her hand in his, their wedding bands sparkling in the dim light. Raising her palm, he pressed his lips to the warm metal ring, closing his eyes for a short moment. He then looked up at her, all the love he had for her pooling in there. Claire wrapped her hand around the back of his neck, pulling him on top of her and into the kiss. They remained tangled with each other for a long while, time barely an inconvenience, not concerning them. Tiredness took over them slowly, their kisses getting lazier and sloppier. At long last, they separated, beginning to fall asleep. Ethan wrapped his arms around Claire again, tight and warm embrace bringing the sense of peacefulness, comfort and safety to both of them.

“It’s going to be a challenge, isn’t it.” she asked, her lips brushing against the skin of his chest.

“I think we’ll do just fine. And if you ever feel the need to have your way with me, you know where to find me.” His tone revealed how smug he was with the whole situation. Her shoulders shook as she laughed softly.

“It’s a good thing one of us has an office. And a desk. I’m going to make good use of that desk of yours. And that tie…” she teased, deeply satisfied and proud of herself as she heard him groaning deeply before sleep took them both.

Tag list:   @paleweasels , @lilyofchoices , @hopelessromantic1352 , @aloehasrose , @valiantlychaoticbarbarian , @radlovedreamer , @usuallyamazinglyaverage, @palestazure, @cordoniaqueensworld, @universallypizzataco, @princess-geek, @faithhasnowords, @mightyfangirlofthefandoms, @drakewalkerfantasy, @timmagicktoad, @laceandlula, @greywitchyshots, @llamasgrl, @gingerjane15, @bucket-harrington , @marywrites-things , @ethanplaysfavorites , @mfackenthal , @betelgeusebee , @simsvetements,  @i-only-signed-up-for-fanfiction, @buzz-bee-buzz, @owleyes374, @cora-nova, @aworldoffandoms, @l822, @cream-ray, @ughhhxjazzy, @silverlitskies, @justendlesssummerfeels, @togetherwearerapture, @desmaranj, @edgiestwinter, @friedherringclodthing, @daisy-ashton, @waytooattuned, @choicesgremlin , @lapisreviewsstuff, @the-soot-sprite, @writerapprentice, @chasingrobbie,@choicesobsessedd, @cassiusownsmyass, @x-kyne-x, @thisperfectmemory, @drakewalker04, @rookie-ramsey, @jlynn12273, @yesimacerealkiller, @thepinknymph @dr-brianna-casey-valentine, @a-i-n-a-a-s-h

[dopescotlandwarrior]

Unforgettable-Chapter Four

Previous chapters on AO3    A special thanks to @statell​ for all your help

Chapter Four

Claire pulled her mascara wand out and it was dry. Damn she thought, I don’t suppose there’s anywhere to buy makeup around here. She threw it in the waste container and dabbed on some lip gloss. The laptop was set up on her small table and she dialed the number with shaking fingers. She sent Jamie a text early in the week asking to Skype on Friday night. She wondered how he would get away from what’s-her-name, but he agreed so she didn’t care.

Her laptop flickered a couple of times and then he was there, smiling at her like she was right in front of him.

“God made eyes that color for one person only Sassenach.”

“Who?”

“Ye of course. How is it going over there? Is the hospital in a safe zone?”

“Sometimes. The second night I was here we had casualties from a raid nearby. Quite an initiation.”

“What kind of work are ye doin there, do ye like it?”

They stared at each other and their mouths moved but the action was happening in the heart. Jamie felt himself slipping back under her spell and Claire wanted to tell him about all the feelings, wars, doubt, and capitulation she was going through. They kept the conversation light.

“How can you be so far from the laptop and I can still see you clearly?

“I use my smart TV, and you are life-size as I watch ye.”

“Wow, that is awesome. Tell me about Edinburgh.”

And so it went, the benign conversation of two people in love that were not willing to expose themselves to the other. They would both feel the immediate vacuum sucking them out of the happy zone the minute Skype was closed.

They talked every week on Friday, afternoon for Claire, evening for Jamie. A package arrived for Claire and she ran to her room to open the box, so thrilled because it could only be Jamie who sent it. She pulled out a state-of-the-art laptop with a seventeen-inch screen and an exceptional camera. It was loaded with trending software and numerous picture files of his football team, Lallybroch, his camping trips, the fish he caught and the amazing sunsets from the top of the world. The card was handwritten; For the Sassenach, to remind ye of civilization and Scotland. I hope it makes ye happy. Claire hugged the card to her chest and rolled her eyes when someone knocked on her door.

“Claire! Let us in!”

Joe grew impatient and Claire finally opened the door to both of them. Kevin’s eyes lit up when he saw the new technology and he rushed to the laptop to investigate.

“It’s just lovely, I think Jamie is more than a friend all of a sudden.”

“No, it’s a friend present, nothing more. He is getting married, remember.”

“What, so he’s gonna Skype with you all the way to the alter?”

“Something like that.”

“Hey, he set up a gmail for you and sent a message.”

“Really? Claire rushed to the laptop to read it.”

Sassenach, I dinna ken yer email and I dinna like to wait. Send me a picture of the jungle! JF

Someone was knocking on the door but this time she could hear the urgency and pulled the door open.

“Report to OR on the double, Doctor Anderson is waiting.”

Cutter had already completed ten hours of surgery today, and so had she. She closed the door behind her and ran to the surgical wing. For the next two hours, she, Cutter, and another nurse worked hard to save a young man who came in with a meat hook stuck in his abdomen. Claire was clamping blood vessels as she found them, her arms deep in the abdomen, hands, and forearms covered in blood as they raced to stem the bleeding from multiple ruptured vessels. She and Cutter on opposite sides of the table, both suturing tissue as fast as they could.

Claire was the last to leave the OR and she was exhausted as she pushed into the scrub room and pulled her gown and gloves off. She held onto the scrub sink like she could collapse any moment and closed her eyes with the water running in front of her. The room was dimly lit, and she washed quickly so she could collapse in her Lazy Boy.

Joe’s phone had a high megapixel camera and he was quite good at using it. The close-ups he took of Claire, her eyes tired and grim, as she leaned over the washbasin on her forearms. Asleep in the Lazy Boy with her hand on Luna, surrounded by villagers, all needing something, were telling the story of Claire’s existence in this place.

Kevin joined the cause and had a folder full of Claire in action. Cutter was recruited to catch Claire with her two favorite men, Joe and Kevin, goofing off and teasing each other.

Joe recognized the signs of a man in love and sent Jamie the photos from Claire’s new laptop while she was working.

Claire pulled her new laptop closer and dialed Jamie. His face looked different, contemplative, and Claire’s heart rate shot up making her feel weak. He’s going to tell me he’s getting married she thought. Her instincts were shouting for her to disconnect. When you don’t want to hear something, don’t listen. She stared at him with wide eyes and he stared back.

“What is it Jamie, you look different.”

“Sassenach, I dinna have words to describe what your pictures showed me.”

“What?”

“Ye are the bravest lass I’ve ever known and the strongest. I had no idea what life was really like there. I am in awe of ye lass.”

“So far, you have not made a lick of sense Jamie. I didn’t send pictures to you. What are you talking about?”

“Well, someone did it for ye. They were in my email yesterday.”

Claire grabbed her phone and checked the sent emails, there were numerous emails to Jamie with picture attachments. Claire opened them and flipped through the pics with mounting concern.

“Jesus Christ, I wasn’t aware these were being taken, or sent. I’m sorry Jamie. My friend Joe had a very bad idea. I was not aware.”

Jamie leaned closer to the camera, “this is the real you as ye go through the day. I have an accurate account of the struggles ye face. Your work in the OR, yer haunted eyes when yer about to collapse and those two guys who hang on each other and make ye laugh. It’s incredible what I’ve learned about ye with these pictures. Yer amazing Sassenach.”

Jamie’s comments broke through her fantasy of killing all who conspired in this clandestine photo shoot. She heard compassion, pride, and love in Jamie’s voice. She looked up at the camera again and suddenly felt overwhelmed with love for the guys and appreciation for Jamie’s reaction.

“Ye dinna ken how special ye are, or how much ye deserve the best life. I…I will be happy to know ye finally get it, Claire. I feel emotionally invested somehow, please agree to be my video friend or pen pal for life. I’ll always wonder if ye don’t.”

Claire was surprised at Jamie’s reaction and she tried to rally her friend-face, control her expressions, and maintain composure in front of the camera. She looked into his eyes and wanted to shout at him that she was more than a friend. Jamie’s words were hitting her like bullets because he was now an observer trying to help her somehow, not harboring his own crush. At that moment she subconsciously jettisoned away from him, to the place she had been since the video calls started. In a box of his acquaintances he would remember from time to time.

Jamie continued to sing her praises and Claire did her best to cover the disappointment and hurt from misunderstanding his interest. She tried to rally but finally begged off with an excuse to feed the baby.

“Until next week Sassenach, take care of yourself.”

Claire slammed the lid on the laptop, “like you’re my psychiatrist or something? No thanks, I’ll be my own support thank you. If this is your entertainment to share with miss perfect, you will have to find something on television from now on. I am out.”

When Jamie saw the blood drain from Claire’s face, he knew she was completely in the dark about the pictures. That made it even more real for him and he silently thanked Joe for letting him into their world. No wonder she couldn’t settle in Edinburgh, it would be like putting a gorgeous butterfly in a jar, to slowly die from the lack of flight. He was deeply troubled that he had touched a dream girl, his dream girl, and the world had no equal.

The door opened and he looked at Geneva, here for a night of cat and mouse, and he was the mouse. He took a deep breath and suddenly wanted to be in a meadow, full of fish, where he could spend time with his memory of Claire and say his truth.

Jamie rose from the couch and kissed Geneva, promising a five-minute shower before they left. But the whole time, he was missing the girl who danced with a fish in his kitchen.

Claire looked at Joe with a laser sight on his fertile brain and fantasies of torture danced in her head. Joe retreated and disappeared before she got to him. She would have followed him, but she was pulled away by an unexpected visit from Luna’s mother.

Claire felt her tears drop onto her shoulders making her scrubs wet. She was always afraid this day would come, her miracle baby leaving with her biological mother. She pulled the baby to her and kissed her cheeks, repeatedly. She assembled multiple bags packed with food, diapers, blankets, and supplements that would sustain her. She would send her away and never know what happened to her and that was breaking her heart. Cutter pushed into the nursery and looked at Claire with compassion.

“Let me take her Claire. Kiss her one more time, then give her to me, he said quietly.”

Luna held Claire’s hair and yanked it trying to get her mother’s attention, the only mother her infant life knew. In her limited world, one face had always been there to give love and smiles and food. Claire broke down and Cutter pulled the sweet baby from her, pulled the bags of supplies onto his shoulder, and then left.

Claire sank into the Lazy Boy arms wrapped around her stomach and cried like she was mortally wounded. She bent over and her tears puddled on the linoleum floor. Her heart was breaking and there was no comfort to be had, just misery, her miracle baby was gone forever.

Claire laid curled up in the Lazy Boy and wondered how much grief one person could take in a day. “UNCLE”, she whispered, “no more for today.” The room grew darker as the sun set, and Claire remained until the door opened and a hand pulled her into the lighted hallway making her squint painfully. The hand pulled her forward and outside where it was easier to open her eyes.

Claire looked at the picnic table with a lantern on it and looked up at Cutter.

“What’s this?”

“A request from Joe, to get you talking and forgiving before you end his life for the pictures.”

He pushed her onto a bench and sat across from her with his hands folded on the table.

“Shall we begin, I rather like Joe, so let’s figure this out together.”

Cutter smiled and waited patiently.

“What? Um, I was mad at him for sending the pictures to Jamie. It was a sweet gesture, but it brought out Jamie’s true feelings for me and I was mad about that. I have the right to punish Joe because he’s my best friend.”

“What true feelings did Jamie reveal?”

“He wants to be pen pals, or video pals, so he will know when I find happiness. He doesn’t want to wonder about me for the rest of his life.”

“Jesus Claire, you had to let go of Luna right after that?”

“She wanted and needed my attention as I got her ready, but I couldn’t stop crying. I miss her so much already and I will never know what happened to her. I can’t take not knowing, Cutter.”

She stopped abruptly and looked up at her friend. The comparison of the two statements sinking into her brain. Her eyes got wide as she compared Jamie’s statement to her own. She loved Luna with her heart and soul, and it broke her heart realizing she will never know how she was. Could Jamie feel the same about her? She stared straight ahead and climbed out of the picnic table. She patted Cutter on the shoulder but missed and patted his face as she left.

“What about Joe? Can he come out of hiding now?”

“Mission accomplished soldier, he’s safe.”

Claire had a strange look on her face, but it wasn’t sorrow that Cutter saw, it was more like she just figured out the double-helix of DNA. Something wondrous.

Claire laid on her bed for the first time in four months and sighed deeply. Whatever Jamie felt for her, was big, that she was certain of. She will keep Skyping on Friday nights and maybe send an email occasionally if there was something exceptional or interesting that happened.

Jamie climbed in a thickly wooded area with a punishing pitch, feeling strong and healthy, as long as he didn’t start thinking. The woods were healing him of the past months of partying, drinking to excess, dealing with Geneva the shape-shifter, and his little Claire showing her heart and comfort to him. Breathing deeply in the crisp mountain air he felt capable of anything. Later in the afternoon, he laid back in the sun to rest. Winter was well on its way and pushing through his comfort limits, so this would be his last trip for a while. He would miss his time out here in nature. He paid dearly for it with Geneva but he didn’t care, it was bringing him back to who he really was.

Claire sat down next to Joe and across from Cutter at dinner. They had been in this medical camp for nine months, she could hardly believe it. The guys were displaying an air of excitement and fist-bumping Joe, well, Kevin was giving cheek kisses and Cutter did the bumping.

“Wow, I’ll bite, what is all the excitement about?”

“Jamie entered one of my pictures of you in a competition, and I won!” Joe was laughing. “Something Apple was doing to promote the camera in the new iPhone. Pretty cool, ha, and I get ten grand for first place!!”

“Jamie did that for you? Interesting. Whatever would make him even think of such a thing?”

Claire stared at Joe, letting him know she would not look away until he explained himself. She was making him antsy and nervous so this would not take long.

Joe sighed and told Claire about the photo lab tech who blew the picture up for Jamie asking all kinds of questions about the camera.

“He called me, told the lab tech it was an iPhone camera, tech said put the picture in the contest, he did, I won, and that’s about it.”

Claire picked up her tray and stood up, “Imagine that.”

The three men gaped at her as she walked away. They didn’t know what to expect from her, but it wasn’t that.

Claire smiled inside wondering how Jamie and Joe became telephone buddies. She was the common denominator and that’s all that mattered to her. She wiped the sweat off her face about to say goodnight to the guys when she thought of some cool relief.

“Cutter, remember that swimming pool I jumped in and you morphed into the incredible hulk?” What was that place?”

“Cutter looked around the room thinking about honesty versus a good night’s sleep for her. “It was my overreacting is all. I thought it was something different.”

“I do believe that is first time you have lied to me Cutter. I’ll ask again, what was that place, and…be honest.”

“It’s a rebel stronghold Claire. The attack on the villagers when you first got here, was perpetrated by that group.”

Claire’s eyes went wide, and her voice panicked, “they’re right here in our backyard? Jesus Christ, it’s no more than a few miles from here! If I had been caught in that pool they would have killed me, wouldn’t they?”

“Drop it pea,” he growled. “That’s enough on the subject.”

Cutter left the table cursing himself for telling her, thankful he left out the torturous death of women prisoners. They would have made it last before she drew her last breath and he would be dead trying to protect her.

Claire stared straight ahead, trying to wrap her head around their proximity to the enemy. She shivered with a full understanding of Cutter’s reaction that day.

“Jesus Christ,” she whispered.

Joe had heard things, from the villagers, delivery drivers, and the news when they could get it. He had already put in a request to get them out of there. It was first come first serve and everyone was bugging out of Honduras. He intended to talk to Claire and Kevin tonight about leaving their post before replacements came. It was feeling creepy around here and his instincts were screaming it was time to go.

[fiction-in-my-blood]

Switching Sides: Part 7 (HLITF)

if anyone possibly wants to get on a tag list I’d be happy to make one 👉 @theshove 👈 If you wanna catch up, Part 6 is right here! Happy reading :) Premise: Growing up in a life of crime in a Japanese mafia, Atsuko Motomori has seen enough injustice to last her a lifetime. To try and give back to the universe her family has taken so much from, she dreams of being a detective from a young age. Her twin, sharing her disgust for her father and many uncles, just wants an ordinary life away from the crime, paing and suffering. Instead, she wants to be in the spotlight with the soft notes she makes with her cello. In their escape of 2015, on their coming of age birthday, they must split ways, never to be together ever again. If one was found, they didn’t want the other dragged down with them. Atsuko, having changed her name and appearance as best she can without a scalpel, sets off to start her life of car chases and arrests. Four years in a seemingly dead-end police station in the middle of nowhere, being passed over time after time for promotion, Atsuko finally gets a shot at her dream, having been sent to an academy for the best candidates in the country by her boss who had always kept an eye out for her. After discovering her boss may have made her bite off more than she could chew, Atsuko must become the slave of a dominating instructor!? Who so just happens to be the captain of the most famous police unit in Japan? Not to mention a total knockout! Will Atsuko finally achieve her dream? Or will her new instructor put her through the wringer? Warnings: Language, Reference to sexual activity, Forceful nature, Description of bloody scenes

~~~~~~

When I woke up next, there was a face right in front of mine. I yelled out in surprise to see Kaga peering down at me. 

"Hush with the shouting." He frowned as he straightened and I jumped up. I looked around to find I fell asleep in his living room. "Why are you out here?" He asked and I remember the nightmare I had last night. 

"I-I couldn't get to sleep in there," I muttered, shy that I didn't have a very good excuse. Instead of questioning me further, he threw a towel in my face, telling me to go shower.

As I walked into Kaga's bedroom, I noticed something glinting in the sunlight. I kneeled down and reached under his bed to pick up whatever it was. It was a picture frame, cracked before I had anything to do with it. There were men dressed in suits, one I recognised as Kaga. I started to worry that, in my frantic awakening last night, I knocked it off. Pretending like I hadn't seen anything, I place it on the sideboard, hoping he won't realise as I ran into the bathroom. 

~~~~~~

When I got to school, at a different time to Kaga as he left while I was in the shower, I was listening to Naruko gossip about my night at his apartment. As usual, she was less worried about me messing up than she is with the risque situations she can think up. 

"You two alone... seeking out each other's skin to heal your tired bodies." She goes off into her own little world as she pictured it. "Then your shadows overlap..." I quickly tried to silence her as her retelling of the night got too vulgar for me. A memory of him recently out of the bath flashed through my mind and my cheeks burn brightly. ‘Not to mention how much nicer he was...’

~~~~~~

After school, I was walking to the Instructor's Staff Room for a briefing on Takeda's mission. My leg still hurt and I had to rebandage it in the infirmary during my break because it started bleeding again. ‘I’m lucky it wasn't that deep, but it needs to heal quickly or I'll fall behind.’ I began to worry about my training as I walked along. Taking a quick sigh, I knocked on the door. 

Many people were already there, so I walked fast enough so that no one can see my limp and bowed my head to Instructor Kaga. "I'm truly sorry for inconveniencing you yesterday." He didn't even look in my direction as he looked at the papers in front of him. "I understand that I failed miserably and I'm very sorry." Thinking he wasn't listening, I tried apologising again.

"This mission is back to square one thanks to you." He spat. "I have no need for useless morons." He scowled but still couldn't look at me. 

"Yes sir. I will be more careful next time." I straightened my back, trying not to seem scared as he rightly reprimanded me. 

"You can leave already. Disappear." His final words made my heart stop, but I quickly regained my composure. 

"I have no use for useless morons. Get lost. Now." He announced again and I tried to find the words to respond. He seemed angry. Usually, he would just be annoyed and get me to do more meaningless filing. But, right now, there's hatred in his words. 

"Didn't you hear me? I'm done with you. Get out." He didn't even raise his voice to brush me off, but he may as well have. Everyone around us acted like nothing was happening, just like at the station. I clenched my fists to calm myself down. What had changed since last night? 

"Yes sir," I muttered, turning to leave when the door opened. There, Ishigami came to stand in front of Kaga.

"What's wrong? Did something happen?" Ishigami directed his question to Kaga, but I was the one who tensed up. 

"It's no big deal. Just getting rid of this moron." 

At my instructor's words, Goto stared at me. I try to seem unaffected by them, but I felt so tired from the little sleep I got last night, I couldn't meet his gaze. The triggering words don't help, my fists clenching harder, but I couldn't feel the pain I'm sure I'm inflicting on myself. I couldn't feel anything. No pain. No warmth or sensation. It wasn't only the mental scars I left that house with. 

"Kaga, explain." Ishigami looked at Kaga with a stern expression. 

"As you know, the investigation was a failure thanks to her mistake yesterday. There's no value in using her, so I'm disposing of her. That's all." The triggering words he was saying set alarm bells to go off in my mind. I was left frozen in this room of professional detectives. 

"Same as ever, aren't you? You can't simply-." Soma tried to butt in with a smile, maybe even to help me out, but he was cut off. 

"This is my decision," Kaga argued. Even though it was my first job, there seemed to be no excuses in the Captain's eyes. Why was I surprised?

For a moment, I felt numb. My heart was hammering hard in my chest, my temper through the roof, and stress pumping through my veins, mixed with the maddening adrenaline. Squeezing my eyes shut in an effort to calm myself down, I took a deep breath, not really caring how strange or pathetic I might have looked trying to console myself. When I opened my eyes again, luckily, no one was looking at me.

"Excuse me," I muttered before he could insult me further and left the room without a reply. 

~~~~~~

I escaped to the rooftop, seething with anger and trying to breathe through it. ‘Why am I so stupid?’ I scream at myself, kicking a trash can with my injured leg. 

‘Okay, that hurt more than I thought.’ I held my foot, hopping over to a bench by the railing. 

"What is wrong with me?" I asked myself, letting my head fall into my hands. ‘I'll never be able to help Juna at this rate.’ I let out a heavy sigh, falling back in the seat to look up at the orange-hued sky. 

Soon, the door to the roof opened again and I heard someone call my name. It was a girl's voice and, getting ahead of myself, I thought it was my sister coming to comfort me. Unfortunately, it was just Naruko and some of our male friends. Naruko saw me physically deflate as she approached. She sat down next to me, placing a hand on mine. 

"Did you really get cut from doing undercover work?" She gasped and I almost laugh. 

"Yeah, but that's not what's bothering me." I forced a sad smile as our male friends stood around us.

Naruko smiled to encourage me to continue. "I think my sister's in trouble." I sighed, bringing my knees up to my chin. She seemed shocked and told me she thought Juna was dead. The guys were more shocked, they had no idea about any of my relatives. 

"What would give you that idea?" I raised my voice in shock. She explained how sad I seemed when she brought up the pictures and anything about my family. 

"Well, I can assure you she's still alive." I laughed, maybe trying to make myself aware of that fact. I sighed just thinking about it and fell back on the back of the bench. 

"We didn't grow up in a great family. My dad was a pretty bad influence and my mom left us when we were kids. It was hard to leave home, but when we did, we kinda lost contact." I tried to be as vague as possible, but I wanted to get some of this stuff off my chest. I had been bottling it up for years. "I guess I've just had her on my mind lately." I looked at my printless fingertips and wiped my thumb over them again as if reminding myself of the damage my father could do.

"Well, Instructor Kaga has been pushing you really hard." Naruko smiled and I nodded. She probably thought the stress of school was rehashing old memories. "You made it here! So don't get down on yourself when an instructor forces you to do more than you could do." She tried to cheer me up. Even though she made sense, it was nice to think Kaga trusted me enough to do more than I thought I could do. Besides, if I wanted to stay here, I needed to be able to do this stuff.

"Besides, it's probably best he cuts you loose now." Our friend spoke up and I threw him an inquisitive expression. 

"How's that?"

"There's a rumour about him. That he killed his part-." Before another classmate could continue, I brushed it off. 

"I don't believe it." My adamant statement seemed to shock my group of friends. "I accept he's mean and scary, but leave a man to die..?" My brows furrowed as I contemplated everything the instructor had done for me. 

"Isn't there a saying for that? There's no smoke without fire?" The men started to shrug off the rumour as something they would never really know as true or not and they all left me on the roof to cool off. 

~~~~~~

Left with my own thoughts, I started to realise what being fired as Kaga's aide meant. I would have no access to the case. No way to make sure my father was involved. No way to tell Juna if she would be safe or not. And I sure as hell couldn’t keep tabs on who the team was dealing with. 

I groan out upon the realisation that I had messed things up so much more than I originally thought I had. 

"You depressed over Hyogo tossing you out?" A voice I wasn't expecting to hear called from the direction of the fire escape and my gaze darted over. 

"Shinonome?" My face screwed up in confusion as he walked over. 

"Or are you depressed over being yelled at?" Ayumu finished his question as he came to a halt in front of me. 

"I've been yelled at far worse than that before." I laughed self-deprecatingly, thinking back to when my father was ever in a 'good' mood; whenever he didn't feel like he needed to punch the closest thing to him

"Wow, you're tough." The young detective smiled and I stared up at him. 

"Besides, it's not like he's yelling for no reason..." I sighed, pouting at my own shortcomings. 

"Then why are you making that face?" He looked down at me suspiciously and I felt like glaring back. Whenever he asked me questions I felt like I was being interrogated. I didn't trust him or his stupid smile, and I especially didn't trust his words of consolation- if that's what these words were meant to be.

"What're you doing here anyway? Coming to accuse me of being a missing person again?" I frowned, dropping my chin into my knees. I just wanted to mope around now, not have him question me. Ayumu just sat beside me. Maybe he was here to hear me out. Maybe he was here to tell me I was out. But I couldn't tell when the only expression he had was somewhat positive. 

"I came here to save people, and all I've done is mess up over and over again." I sigh, staring at the floor in front of me. "It's like I don't know anything, no matter how long I've been here. Every time I try to fix something, I end up doing something worse." Thinking back to when I tried to stop Takeda from being suspicious of us by pulling Kaga close, I also remember how I eventually broke the investigation. 

"Well, if you're comparing your detective skills to Hyogo's, you would be close to nothing." Ayumu laughed and I secretly glared at him. 

‘How was that meant to make me feel better?’ 

"It's because that guy has put everything he has into becoming a detective." The statement made me think back to everything I had been holding back. All my past experiences with the law and seeing it fail miserably, just like I felt like I was doing, had been locked away so no one can figure out who I was or where I came from. I didn't want anyone to get close or to draw any unneeded attention to myself, it had only ever gotten me in trouble. But, when you're in a competition to get to the top, or pass the bare minimum bar, you really need to show everything you've got. 

"By the way, they may seem like complete opposites, but Ishigami is the same way." Ayumu leant over to pull me out of my thoughts. 

"Don't tell them that." I laugh at the idea of both of them having a similar trait. 

"We're here because those two recognised something in us." The instructor closest to my age added and it filled me with a little hope. Until I remembered my application here was totally falsified. 

"But..." Ayumu got my attention again before I could spiral. "I've seen very few people last this long with Hyogo. Let alone a woman or a student." I started to think that maybe my childhood experiences could have attributed to my ability to withstand the man's abuse with a smile most of the time. 

"I can follow him like a puppy all I want. That doesn't mean I'm at all helpful," I complained, thinking back to my late night filing sessions and carrying Kaga's papers from classroom to classroom. 

"Really? I'm sure Hyogo would've cut you off much sooner if that's all you do. Just think about the guy in the alleyway." Ayumu seemed a little surprised with my depressed attitude. 

"What?" I recalled defending Kaga from that blade-wielding maniac as we tailed Takeda. It was an instinct, mainly meant for when I was protecting Juna from any of the men in our house. 

‘Kaga wouldn't have been in that situation in the first place if not for me though...’

"Since he hadn't then... surely some part of him approves of you?" The word echoed in my brain and my heart fluttered at the idea. "Well, it could just be his fickle temper too..." Ayumu immediately shut me down. "The only time I thought you were helpful was when you made me tea." The innocent smile he portrayed was completely different compared to his demeaning words. 

"And I was just starting to think we could get along." I sighed, standing up once I realised my private time wasn't mine anymore. Although, I did feel a grin growing on my face as I thought about the possibility of Kaga approving of me. If only a little. 

"I'm going to put everything I have into this exam." A grin finally appeared on my face. 

"Where did this come from?" Ayumu, on the other hand, was evidently confused. I had only ever done one exam in my life, and that was the officer's exam in the police academy. I did pretty well in it, so I was confident I could prove to Kaga I wasn't completely useless. 

"That's all I can do, for now, to prove I'm worthy." I looked triumphantly into the distance. 

"Do your best. But Hyogo will be giving the exam." The information slightly deflated my resolve. 

"That means I'll just have to try harder than my all." I nodded to him before turning and leaving the rooftop.

~~~~~~

It was the weekend after my abysmal show of a mission and I was on my way out of the school to meet Juna at the cafe I suggested to update her on my situation. It was hot. Unbearably so. So I'm wearing shorts, which I hadn't worn since enrolling in the basic training academy. And, to hide my face from anyone looking for someone with my features, I had a baseball cap and sunglasses.

"Atsuko, where are you going?" I heard Naruko call out to me in the cafeteria. Usually, on our days off, I'm doing work for Kaga. Maybe there was one blessing to come with being let go. 

"I'm just leaving campus for a bit. Need to clear my head." I kneeled down to grab the coffee can I bought from the vending machine. Naruko was in her casuals as well as everyone else in the room at this point in the morning. 

"Oh? I thought you were going on a date." She cheered and I just laughed her off, used to her vivid imagination by now. 

"I'll see you before curfew!" I waved behind me as I ran out of the cafeteria.

~~~~~~ 

Just as I was about to pass the school gates, I heard my name again. I turned to see Instructor Soma wearing his usual suit. 

"Are you teaching today, Instructor?" I asked as he walked up to me. I was in a rush, but I disn't want to seem rude or suspicious in front of the only friendly special instructor. 

"Something like that. Are you on your way out?" He asked with his kind smile. 

"Is that a bad thing?" I laughed awkwardly, not wanting to seem like I was slacking off after Kaga dropped me. 

"Not at all, we all need some r'n'r" Soma grinned at my reaction to his question. 

"Then you should too, sir! I'll see you around." Finding that I'd have to leave now to catch my train in time, I ran out the school gates.

~~~~~~

At the cafe I used to work at, I took a seat at one of the tables outside. It hadn't changed much, except for some of the staff that ran around taking orders. The last I heard, my father didn't control this area of the city. Control in the sense of demanding protection money or laundering money through its businesses.

After I asked for a coffee and what I remembered my sister's favourite drink to be, I saw a woman walking up the street with long, flowing green hair. She sat at the table behind me.

"Were you followed?" I asked low enough so only she could hear, hiding the movements of my lips with the edge of my phone I knocked against them casually. 

"No, I went on three different lines to lose them. And left my phone in his house." She replied in a whisper as well, looking down at the paper menu left out on the tables, lifting her shades only slightly with one hand. "What about you?" Her question surprised me, seeing as she was the one being held hostage. 

"Who's going to follow me?" My face screwed up in confusion before I realised I had to be covert, sitting up and looking around just in case her own concerns were valid. I shuffled in the metal seat, my own sunglasses sticking to the place on the bridge of my nose with the glisten of sweat that collected there due to the weather and my nerves. Luckily, I didn't see any familiar faces or vehicles. 

"You literally go to a school for cops." She laughed in response and I heard the screech of her chair being pushed back as she stood up again. I jumped up as well, turning to my sister dressed in large sunglasses to hide her face from recognition. 

"I'm so glad you're safe." I breathed a sigh of relief as we enveloped each other in a tight hug. I sniffed to hold back my tears, of relief or fear I didn't know, and the fresh scent of the shampoo my father had us use filled my nose. The sense of fear that I drew from that made me hold her just a bit tighter, my arms wrapped around her neck.

"I had to get to you, didn't I?" She pulled back with a bright smile, noticing my tenseness, and we sat back down on my table. I took off my sunglasses but left on the cap and she left her glasses on. 

"Not like you to wear shorts, though." Juna looked down at my bare legs once we got our drinks. When we lived with my father, I hated showing any skin in front of our creepy uncles, or anyone for that matter. My sister grew a little concerned at the bandage around my shin.

"I came to the realisation that heatstroke is more important than keeping my modesty." I laughed nervously in response and she giggled, pushing her questions to the side for now because I seemed positive. As we made easy conversation, I felt my nerves bubble up again.

"Juna... I... I got kicked off the case." I told her, anxiety written all over my face. Her hand freezes from stirring her iced tea and my palms became clammy around my freezing coffee. "I messed up when we were following Takeda and we got attacked. He got away and my instructor got really mad." I explained slowly, trying to speak in a low voice so no one would overhear who or what we're talking about. 

"Actually, I have something to say as well." She responded in a low, frail tone and I gulped to push away my guilt. I put her in danger by asking her here, just to tell her that I was losing my chances to save her. 

"There's a meeting happening at a hotel in a week. Dad's going to be there, along with a lot of the uncles... Katsumi, I'm scared they're going to do something really bad." Her glasses were off now and I could see the true fear in her eyes. 

"And... I overheard someone talking about a detective that broke into one of the offices. They mentioned a woman that they found familiar..." She didn't have to explain why they found me familiar. I already knew who she was talking about. I sighed, frustrated I had been so reckless. "They know you're in the city, but I don't think they know your name or where you live..." She explained and my heart stopped. I was lucky Kaga doesn't refer to me by name and I didn't have my badge on show. 

"I think we need to leave while we can. The next meeting is going to be big. If you can manage to be there, I'll be waiting for you. But I'm leaving the first chance I get." Her words echoed in my skull. 

‘I'll have to leave my life behind? The one I worked so hard to get? I'll have to leave my job, Naruko..? I'll have to leave Kaga...’ The words vibrated in my skull like a resounding alarm as I thught about what being discovered meant. 

"I have money and a ride. Somewhere to stay. It won't be difficult once I get away. Katsumi, I want you to come with me. My life has been so empty without you. So much more than I expected..." Juna reached forward to grab my hand. I was biting the tip of my thumb, trying to plan with the information she gave me. 

"We'll be safer together..." Juna added on, leading off when she realised I was stunned to silence, clutching my hand to bring me back to earth but knowing I couldn't feel her support that way. Her fingers worked up my wrist and I finched when she touched the skin on the inside of my wrist, a place I could feel, and my gaze fell on her. She looked just as scared, just as earnest as she was the day I talked her into running away. I never thought I'd be the one that would hesitate. 

"What about our plan, Juna? I'm so close. If I can just get the pictures to one of my instructors, he'll be locked up. Maybe even executed. They're already doing an investigation." I explained. I really wanted to stay. I was enjoying the life I had made for myself. Even with how hard it was right now. Even if the people I had grown close to c ould never know the real me, the reason I became a cop, I felt like they knew the me I had become. Hopefully they trusted me enough to not ask why I had those pictures.

"What happens when they ask you where you got them? When they find out who you really are? Who we are? The moment dad realises where you are... He'll kill both of us." She argued back, trying to bring me to my senses. 

"You're not safe there, Katsu. Just look what happened to you when you got involved with his case." Juna gestured to my bandaged leg and I cursed how right she was. If they were already suspicious, it wouldn't take them long to realise what I was working on. The threat of being discovered would push them to be more reckless. More unpredictable. Who knew what they'd be willing to do. 

"I've been out for too long. Look at this. It might help you decide." Picking up the black backpack she had carried here with her, Juna sighed. 

"What is it?" I asked, pulling on the zip. I peered in to see a few files of paper, a piece of cloth and a flash drive. 

"I found your old camera hidden in our room," Juna explained as I pulled the paper out to find photos of gruesome acts and forced them back in desperately but carefully enough not to crease them. 

"Juna..." I led off, knowing how dangerous it could be to get these images. 

"I saved some accounting documents to the flash drive. It proves they're embezzling from uncle's company and they’re paying off cops and hitmen. I think I saw Takeda's name in there as well." She continued and I looked at her in shock. 

"You're a better detective than I am." I laughed defeatedly, ashamed she had to do this when it was my job to protect her. I should never have left her or made us try and forget each other.

"It's kind of exciting. I can see why you do this." She returned a tired smile. She was probably kept awake at night, worrying that someone would discover what she was doing. I know I was.

"What's this?" I pulled out a silken rag decorated with red splatters. 

"It was under dad's bed. I'm not entirely sure, but it might be from mom..." She led off, knowing what this meant. 

‘So he really did kill her.’ I clenched the bloodied scarf in my hand, having a vague memory of our mother possibly wearing it. 

"I have to get going. Will I see you at the hotel?" She stood up without the bag. I looked up and smiled sadly, giving her a heavy nod. 

As she turned to leave, I noticed a black SUV approaching the shop with the back window pulled down. Seconds later, a hand pulls a gun through the window. 

"Gun!" I screamed, running to Juna and pushing her to the floor with the full force of my launched body. As bullets sprayed into the glass storefront, I held my body over my sister's to protect her. 

When the blaring bangs halted, I hesitantly raised my head to look around. Car alarms were going off and I could hear a woman crying loudly as I searched for the car. 

"It's gone," I muttered, standing up to get a better view of the street. 

As I looked at the destruction in front of me, my sister hobbled to her feet. "A-Are you okay?" She looked at me with trembling legs, arms reaching out to hold mine, maybe in an effort to stable herself or make sure I'm actually alive. I saw some customers rising from the hiding spots and heard a man calling for help.

"You need to go. Before the police get here." I rushed to my sister's side, guiding her in the direction she was already going. 

"But Katsu-." 

"They'll question you if they see you here. Go home, tell dad it was a rival or something. Just go." I spoke in a low voice as I pushed her along. "I have things here," Were my last words to my sister as she started running down the street.

When I turned back around, I saw some bodies laying on the floor and glass was sprayed everywhere. 

"Ma'am, can you call emergency service?" I kneeled in front of a woman who was likely in shock but seemed otherwise unaffected. She gave me a rushed nod as I got up to look at the injured.

There was a man lying in the doorway with the cafe's uniform on. A woman in a similar uniform was holding him up, tears spilling out of her eyes as blood poured out of his abdomen. I hurriedly grabbed a fabric tablecloth from where I had been sitting and rushed over to them, not caring for the glass mugs that shattered on the ground. 

"Sir, are you awake?" I asked, remembering to apply pressure to the gunshot wound from my training in the police academy and what I could gather as a child. 

"H-He passed out. Or he's dead. I... I can't tell." The woman stuttered out as his head laid in her lap, voice hoarsening as she spoke. 

"Miss, can you press on here. I need to see if anyone else is injured." I didn't try to make my voice softer as I grabbed her arm, pulling her to my side. I had felt him breathing through his mouth. There's nothing more I could do for him personally. I had no first aid kits and no professional medical training apart from this.

"Bu-But what if he dies?" The shock she was in prevented her from wanting to touch him except for cradling his skull in her lap. 

"He won't if you apply pressure. An ambulance will be here soon, but he won't live if you don't do this." I forced the tablecloth into her hand and then on the man's side where he was hit.

Once I ensured she was aware enough to continue, I moved onto the next person. There was an older man, resting, or having fallen that way, with his back against the half-wall of the cafe. He was clutching his shoulder, red seeping through the partings of his fingers.

"Hey, how're you feeling?" I slid to his side, asking to see his wound so I could assess the damage. 

"A... A little woozy." He stammered out, trying to act strong but I could tell he was scared. 

"That'll be the shock. The bullet went straight through, so it should be an easy fix when you get to the hospital." I explained as I took the tie from around his neck, obviously asking first. 

"Well, I've lived this long. I guess I've gotta keep going." The man was in the makings of a suit, but I assumed he had left his blazer at his office. Tying the tie over his wound, I took a few of the paper napkins from the host's counter just outside the front door and stuffed them under the tie. I knew he'd be too weak to put appropriate pressure himself. 

"Too right. Stick tight, help will be here soon." I put a comforting hand on his other shoulder and gave him a calm smile before heading inside.

Climbing through the now empty window frame, as I wasn't sure if I should move the man from the doorway and sure as hell didn't want to try and step over him, probably scratching up my legs on the shards that settled there, I looked around for anyone crying. Calling out, I heard a little kid yelling from the back of the small room. My eyes widened at the familiar cry of an innocent child and charged to where I heard them. In the corner, behind the service counter, a little boy was sitting next to a woman with blood already puddling at her sides.

"H-Hey, kiddo, how are you doing?" Knowing how traumatic it could be to witness something so horrific, I kneeled by the opposite side of the woman the boy is sitting. The spots of red on her blouse, holes ripped through it, was obvious she had been hit twice, maybe three times, I couldn't count right now. Not when it was possible this kid may watch a human being die right before his eyes.

"M-Mom got hurt." I could see he was trying to hold back tears as he held his mom's hand. I looked down at her body and saw a splatter of red pumping out of her thigh far more intensely than the others on her torso. The mother's expression was pained and she looked a little out of it, probably delirious with agony and blood loss. 

"Toto. Are you alright?" She mumbled over and over as I found something to plug the hole in her leg.

"Is that your name? Toto?" I tried to distract the kid from his mother's slurred words, trying my best to plug the two other holes in her body. Hopefully, god please, I could help her enough until paramedics arrived. The kid nodded curtly, scared if he talked he would cry. 

"I'm Atsuko. Can you be brave for me?" I asked, pressing on the wound that likely came from a major artery. He looked up at me. "I asked a woman outside to call the hospital, but she seemed a little shaken up. Can you call them for me?" I tried not to let my gaze leave his, wanting to draw his attention away from the wettening body below us. Taking the phone from my back pocket, I hand over what must look like a relic to him.

The boy called the emergency services and put it on speaker so I could talk. "This is Officer Atsuko Motomori. There's been a shooting at Cafe Zero down Empire Street. Please send paramedics for at least three victims." As I announced my badge number so they knew I wasn’t lying, I spoke fast and clear, noticing the mother's consciousness fade. 

‘You can't do this. Not to him. You can't die in front of him.’ I moved from her leg to her torso, feeling for a pulse on her neck. ‘It's weak, but there.’ I started pushing on her chest to keep her heart beating and blood pumping to her brain. Luckily, there was a waiter watching over us that had a belt so I could secure a makeshift tunicate to her thigh so she doesn't bleed out as fast.

"Ambulances and police are on their way." The operator responded bluntly. 

"Can you take him somewhere else?" I peered up at the waiter standing in the opening of the counter. 

"No! I don't wanna leave my mom!" Toto cried out but I shot him a concerned and slightly annoyed look, probably scarely similar to Kaga's. 

"Your mom doesn't want you to see her like this, okay, Toto? I'm going to make her better so that you guys can go to the hospital together, but it's going to be scary." As I'm telling him, sweat is growing on my brow far thicker than the ottest day on earth could make as I pressed all my body weight on the woman's chest to a rhythmic beat. 

"I-I'm brave enough." The boy stuttered and it was clear he was terrified. 

"You're not a wimp to go, Toto. You're not cowardly to hide, you're brave to leave your mom's life in someone else's hands. Trust me, you don't want to see this." I lowered my voice so only he could hear, hoping to seem more personal. He looked from me to his mom's sleeping face and I could see the tear dams break behind his eyes. He got up and took the hand of the waiter, walking to a table on the other side of the counter.

"You can't die on him, you hear me? Do you know what that will do to him?" I panted as I whispered, enraged my father would open fire on a building of civilians. It was likely that the people following Juna hadn't lost her and decided to do this as a warning. Hopefully, for both of our sakes, my sister could convince him that this was some sort of action performed by a rivalling gang trying to intimidate him or a gang members betrayal.

When I next checked the mother's pulse, it was slightly better than before. 

"The paramedics are here!" A voice called out and I looked up in relief. Toto came running around the corner, probably having escaped the waiter, and looked down at his mom, covered in blood but slowly awakening. He cried out her title and ran to her side and I couldn't help but smile. I stood up, calling the paramedics as they made their way through the door, having extracted the male waiter.

"She lost consciousness for a bit, but I performed compressions and she's coming around again," I explained as they came running around the counter. I grabbed Toto and pulled him off her so the trained professionals could get a look at her before sending her to an ambulance. 

"I-Is she going to be okay?" He asked as I picked him up, carrying him around the counter so that we wouldn't intrude. I didn't want to give him false hope if I was too late to save her, but I didn't want to break his heart unnecessarily.

"She should do good. It was all because of your bravery that she woke up again." I laughed, tapping underneath his chin to get him to raise his head. I only noticed now that my hands were covered in blood. I looked down and so were my legs, having kneeled in the mom's blood that had come out before I got to her. 

"Thank you!" He cried out, wrapping his arms around my neck as he sat on the counter.

Then, the paramedics announce that they were ready to go. I told Toto to go with them and he ran after her gurney.

Finally having a moment to myself, I dropped to the floor in exhaustion. I had been running on so much adrenaline that my head now felt light as I sunk to my knees. Soon, the waiter who had helped me with Toto ran to my side, helping me up so I could sit in a glass-free chair.

After he got me a glass of water and the other paramedics on the scene looked over me for any serious injuries, I heard police sirens driving closer. Several uniforms came out of the cars that pulled up outside and started questioning us all about the incident. I explained how I had seen the car approaching and, after I heard the gunshots ending, went to help the people who were injured. I left out the part where my sister had been here, not wanting to get her involved, and hoped no one else noticed her through the mania.

"Well done, Officer Motomori. You were good to act so quickly. Although, you do look a little pale. Do you want a ride to the hospital?" The officer questioning me slapped his booklet shut and I jumped a little at the sudden noise. 

"I-I should be fine." I stuttered, even though I noticed my hands shaking. I had already refused an ambulance ride, I definitely didn't want to go in a squad car.

"...Okay. We'll give you a ride back to your home. You can't go wandering the streets like that." The older man chuckled and I looked down at my reddened body. The bandage I had around my leg had unravelled and my own wound had started bleeding again, probably because of any glass that I most likely kneeled in. I had a lot of little cuts as well.

"Can I make a call first?" I look back up with a tired expression and he nodded, handing me his phone. I had washed my hands by now, so I wasn't too worried about getting blood all over his possession.

Shakily, I typed in the number for the Instructor's Staff Room. "Captain Ishigami." The stone-cold voice spoke up over the phone and I was somewhat disheartened, somehow expecting to hear my mentor's. It wasn’t like he would answer a phone anyway. I shook my head. 

"U-Um, sir, it's Motomori. I'm sorry f-for disturbing you. But... There was this... This..." Not knowing how to explain the situation, I took in the scene around me. There was glass swept all over the floor and tables and chairs are overturned. I could see bullet holes in some of the furniture and the actual bullets were either in the wall or on the floor next to it. A cold shiver ran through me to finally understand how close to death I really was and the sweat on my body only made the breeze blowing through the hollowed window frames icy.

"Motomori, what is it?" Ishigami sounded annoyed that I was lost for words. Then, the officer who had been watching me took the phone back. He introduced himself before explaining the situation, but I wasn’t  really listening. 

‘I was actually able to save someone.’ Joy filled my heart. My father had done something despicable to so many innocent people, and I was actually able to help. I didn't just have to sit there and take pictures for when I could use them in an investigation, I was able to stop a murder from taking place in the first place. However, that delight was short lived.

"Alright, Officer Motomori, you're captain will be by soon to pick you up." Hanging up from the conversation with my instructor, the officer looked at me with a smile. 

"Did that really just happen?" I looked up at him with shame and fear wrapped in my expression. Even though I was able to help, it was still my fault they all got hurt in the first place. If I hadn't come here or told Juna to meet me, there would never have been a shooting. Toto would never have had to see his mom almost die. 

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" The officer put a hand on my arm as my gaze wandered again. At the end of the counter, I could see the puddle of blood left by Toto's mom slowly crawling out, almost taunting me with the knowledge of my naivety. 

‘How could I think we could meet safely?’  

I nodded with a small, encouraging smile.

~~~~~~

By the time Ishigami arrived, I was still sitting with the cop, just trying to compute what happened. He looked at the destroyed cafe, and then at my bloodied body. Soma was with him, but no Kaga. I found myself looking around them in hopes he would be here. 

"Captain Ishigami. You have a very capable, young cadet here!" The officer sitting with me jumped up, trying to lighten my spirits by praising me. "She was able to act quickly and three people are on their way to the hospital instead of our morgue." However morbid, the statement was true. It was lucky I had the training I needed to save them.

"Atsuko." Soma kneeled down in front of me to catch my gaze as it drifted to my legs. The blood had dried by now, staining my legs and my clothes. I looked at Instructor Soma as he smiled kindly. 

"Instructor. I...I'm sorry." I apologised, but I'm sure they didn't know why. He laughed at this and I realised what I said. I bit my lip to stop myself from talking further. It was an instinct from a child. The last time I had seen this much blood in one room.

"I'm not Kaga. I'm not going to yell at you. Come on, you need to rest. Remember that r'n'r we talked about?" He s stood up and I followed his rising stature with my eyes. 

"O-Okay." Embarrassed by the apology I made, I got up. As I was walking out the door, I remembered the bag Juna had left for me and rushed to pick it up, making sure the zip was closed so that no one could see the contents.

"Is it really okay? Won't your car get messy?" I asked as Ishigami tells me to sit in the back seat. My legs were covered in blood, thankfully not all mine. I only had little cuts and scrapes. And when I say covered, it looked like I was wearing red shin pads. My clothes were likely ruined and I felt like I might smell a little, having exerted so much energy trying to keep Toto's mom alive. 

"It's fine, just get in." He got in the driver's side and I was forced to jump in before I got left behind.

~~~~~~

When we got back to the academy, everyone that was sitting out in the rays of the setting sun were staring at me. I probably looked crazed. Maybe they thought I had flipped out after Kaga dropped me from the case, because it looked like I had killed someone. Suddenly, Naruko ran up to me as I walked behind the instructors. 

"Atsuko! Oh my god, what happened to you?" She held my arms as she shrieked. 

"There was a shooting at the cafe I went to. Don't worry, I'm not hurt." I laughed, trying to help her not worry. To be honest, I probably wasn’t as affected by that scene as I should have been. I had watched people die before, many times before, so I was somewhat used to it. 

"You're covered in blood!" She yelped again and I could tell Ishigami was getting annoyed. I reassured her that it wasn’t mine and she just sighed. "How are you so calm?" She sounds exasperated as she held my arm, encouraging me to keep walking to the dorms. 

"My dad was a butcher, so I'm used to blood." It took me a moment to respond with a nervous shrug, hoping to make up a viable lie. Hopefully the instructors wouldn't feel the need to double check that information on my made up file.

"I swear you're not even human." She laughed, thinking back to all the training I was able to do without complaint.

~~~~~~

Once she escorted me back to my dorm, I threw my bag far underneath my bed and took a shower, scrubbing at my skin to get all the blood off. I hadn't realised, but I had smudges all over my face from where I was wiping the sweat off my brow. 

‘This... This can’t happen again. I can’t let it happen again’. I clutched the water basin to hold my weak body up during my contemplation. I felt so guilty and helpless in that moment. If I couldn’t go back in time and stop that shooting from happening, stop Toto’s mom and all those people from getting hurt, I would have to make sure it never happened ever again.

~~~~~~

When I was done cleaning myself up, I went down to the cafeteria to get a well-deserved meal.

"Hey, Motomori! Heard about that cafe. Well done out there!" A male classmate called out from his table as I passed. 

"Oh, thanks, but I was just doing what I could at the time." I showed an anxious smile, not wanting to give it more attention than it already had.

"Motomori, did you really bring someone back from the dead?" Another called out from a different table and my gaze whipped around. 

"W-Well, it was a close call, but she didn't die. And how did you hear about that?" I replied, stumbling over my words as everyone started to surround me, asking questions of what it was like to be in such a disastrous scenario. 

After a bit, having escaped the line without buying any food, I got overwhelmed and stormed out the hall.

~~~~~~

On the roof, I made sure whether or not anyone was there before I started to pace. If Kaga wast here, I would ave hated for him to see me so freaked out, he would think I was more moronic than he already did. Unfortunately, I saw him in his usual corner, breathing out smoke. Just as I was about to turn, his gaze caught mine. He looked down at my body, scanning for any signs of fear or delayed shock. When he saw that I'm neither shaking nor swaying, holding my breath just in case my racing heart betrayed me, he turned back to the view of the city before him. I released the breath I was holding and ran back to the door, wanting to be here as much as I wanted to be badgered by my overexcited classmates.

~~~~~~

Once I returned to the dorms, it was a little after dark. "Oh, Atsuko, there you are!" Naruko cheered when she saw me pass by a common room she was lounging in. 

"Sorry I had to leave! I just needed to get some air." I smiled, although nervous that she would ask me where I had been. 

"It's not a problem. Those guys were too pushy." She shook her head and frowned at some of the men that had surrounded me earlier. 

"So, what did you do today?" I asked, wanting to get my mind off those memories. She looked a little surprised at first, but soon understood why I asked. 

"I got to do some serious studying for next week's exam!" She smiled brightly as we started walking to our rooms. 

"Oh yeah..." I quickly remembered a big part of my plan for next week might be greatly impeded if I were to attend.

"It's at this hotel. Apparently it's a big meeting of some major crime syndicates!" Naruko was so excited, she didn't even notice me stop. 

‘Could that be the meeting Juna was talking about?’ I started to think about how, if the mission went well, I wouldn't have to run away again. I could continue my life here, like my past wasn't a thing. As Naruko pulled me back to earth, I showed her a smile full of hope.

[chickensarentcheap]

I Found (chapter 7)

Warnings: foul language, maybe unrequited feelings (sort of, I guess), some daddy Tyler

Tagging: @alievans007 @c-a-v-a-l-r-y @hemmyworthy

News comes fast. Not in the form of an email or a phone conversation, but with Nik showing up on his doorstep less than eighteen hours later. Given the situation these things are best done in person; no chance of insecure connections or taps on your phone and no extra ears listening in.  They could control the situation at his place; very few people going in or out,  no strangers past the front door, no one taking photographs and assessing the scene.  It would sound like paranoia to the average person. To Tyler it is just common sense.

Still the initial greetings are tense. They haven't being in each other's physical presence in eleven months other than the visits Nik would make to the hospital during those early days of his battle for survival.  These two women in his life had been friends; meeting through a series of consequences and bizarre events and becoming incredibly close.  Drawn together by similar experiences and skill sets that played off each other extremely well.  But there's a chill in there. Tyler feels it.  The way they stand on opposite sides of the room regarding one another; fondness in one set of eyes, suspicion in the other.  He isn't sure what has changed between them or exactly what  happened or when. But that bond they once shared has been severed. Whether it be through something that was said during bedside moments at the hospital or through text or phone calls, something had gone down Perhaps it was Esme's own insecurities. A battle with self confidence since having the baby and not being able to loose some of the extra weight she'd put on.  To him she was incredible; the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen and had the pleasure of being with. But to Esme, Nik was the competition.  A reminder of times in his life when she didn't exist. There would always be that lingering 'what if', perhaps even an unspoken worry that there were still feelings between them. That fact he has intimate history with both of them makes things a tad awkward. One was part of his distant past. The other his present and his future.

The 'help' that Nic had brought with her lingers in the front hallway; rocking back and forth on his heels, his eyes darting around the room and never making contact with Tyler's.  He's nervous. Awkward. A young guy that barely looks old enough to have graduated high school. Short and stocky with unruly blond hair and  anxious looking eyes, clad in a crisp black suit, white shirt and tie.  He wonders where Nic ever dug this guy up from.  He seems skittish.  Better suited for a library than a hostile situation. More Brad Pitt in Meet Joe Black than Brad Pitt in Inglorious Bastards.

Nik makes the first move; crossing the room in three long strides and taking Esme into her arms, enveloping in her a long, tight hug. For a brief moment the tension becomes unbearably thick. Causing him to clear his throat and uncomfortably and look away; arms crossed over his chest as sits on the arm of the couch.  And out of the corner of his eye he finally sees his wife's stiff body relax and the arms that had remained by her sides returning the embrace.

“Look at you...” Nik holds Esme's face in her hands; emotion welling in her eyes, a soft smile curving her lips. “...motherhood suits you. How are you? You've been okay?”

He wonders how long it's been since they'd actually talked.  The mood is too frigid to suggest they'd kept up any semblance of their friendship.  

He makes a mental note to get to the bottom of it.

The new kid clears his throat noisily. Smooths down the wrinkles in his suit jacket. Straightens and tightens his eyes. His eyes met Tyler's briefly, a twitch of the lips turn up in a smile.  

“I make you nervous, mate?” he smirks, as his wife and Nik make slightly awkward small talk. ''

The kid blinks. “Excuse me?”

“You haven't looked at me since you got here. Not even when you shook my hand. You seem a little nervous.”

“A little, I guess,” he admits. “You're a...well...you're a little bit of a legend, sir.”

“Don't call me sir. I'm not old enough to be your father.”

“I'm sorry. Mister Rake.”

Tyler snorts and shakes his head.  “Not need for that kind of formal stuff here, kid. We're all in the same shit pile.  What are you nervous about?”

“Like I said, you're a bit of a legend, sir...I mean Mister Rake..I mean...”

“Tyler's fine, mate.”

“I'm sorry...Tyler.  You're a legend.  Everyone in the business knows you. We've all heard the stories. We all know your numbers. Something like three hundred men. That you've...you know...dispensed of.”

“Three, four, somewhere around there,” he says. “To be honest, I stopped keeping track a long time ago.  How long you been in the game?”

“Not long.  A couple of months. Nik just has me doing security details right now, but I'm hoping to get out into the field. It would be nice to follow in your footsteps.”

“Be careful what you wish for, kid. These footsteps aren't all they're cracked up to be. Trust me on that.”

“Those are mighty big shoes to fill,” Nik pipes up, as she and Esme finally conclude their tense yet promising catching up. “It will be a long time before you even come close.”

“I need to get out of here,” Esme announces. “I need to get some fresh air. Before I start climbing the walls.”

Tyler nods, curling an arm around her waist as she steps between his legs. Her hands on his shoulders as he presses a kiss to her lips. Followed by her forehead.  He notices the way Nik shifts uncomfortably and averts her gaze.

Esme moves towards the door. Snagging a set of keys from a bowl on the hallway table before showing her feet into a pair of flip flops.

“That's your cue, mate,” Tyler addresses the younger man. “What's the hold up?”

“Right...okay...I guess I'll just...I'll just go with her.”

Shaking his head in disbelief, Tyler runs a hand through his hair and over his face, eyes and voice filled with disdain. “That's what you're here for. Not to just stand there, holding up the wall. You bloody well better make sure nothing happens to her. Because if something does, your end is going to be pretty damn painful and pretty damn bloody.”

The kid's eyes widen; a noticeable red flush appearing on his cheeks and the tips of his ears. And he gives nothing more than a stiff nod in response before following Esme out the door.

Tyler smirks. “Think I scared him?”

“I think you may have made him wet his pants,” Nik retorts.

“Where the hell do you find that guy? Little wet around his ears, no?”

“He's a little...green.”

“Yeah, like fresh baby shit.”

“What he lacks in social skills he makes up for in other ways. You don't have anything to worry about. She's in good hands.  And speaking of babies..” Nik finally turns to face him.  “..don't I have a niece to finally meet?”

****

Tyler leads the way to the nursery. Nik notices the differences in the way he moves now; his limp more pronounced, his right shoulder hitched slightly higher than the right as the muscles and tendons overcompensate for the damage that had been done.  There's more scars now. Some thin and smooth, others thick and jagged. And she can't help but concentrate on that one that graces the left side of his neck. The one that has nearly taken his life and seen him spend weeks teetering on the threshold of this world and the next.  But he's the same Tyler; tall and strong, broad shouldered, a powerful specimen to behold. And he'd managed to pack the weight and the muscle back on, and then some.

The baby lies on her back in the middle of the crib. Those brilliant blue eyes wide and focused; mesmerized by the mobile that spins above her. Making soft cooing noises and smiling when she realizes her father is now standing beside her.  Tiny hands reach for him, little legs kicking with excitement.

“She's beautiful,” Nik says, and hopes she isn't betrayed by the emotions she's feeling. It is overwhelming; coming face to face with this tiny being who was conceived during one of the darkest and most trying times in all of their lives.  An innocent, perfect little creature who came so close to never meeting the man that so obviously adores her.  

Amelia Grace.  A beautiful and worthy name.  Classic. Strong.

“She's doing well?” she asks, watching as his long, strong fingers straighten and fasten impossibly small buttons. Such a juxtaposition. How this hands have done so much damage but can still be so gentle.

“Doing good,” he replies.  “Learning new things every day. Growing like a weed.”

“It seems like just yesterday that we found out about her. You were still in the hospital. I remember how scared you sounded when you told me that Esme was pregnant. You were terrified.”

“For good reason. The last time I got someone pregnant, it didn't end very well. Don't think things like that don't mess someone up.”

“I don't think I'd ever seen you like that. Or heard you sound like that.  Everything we've been through together and everything that's happened to you, and I'd never seen you that worried.”

“I was shitting myself, to be honest. I still still pissing through a tube and spending ninety percent of my days knocked out from painkillers. Not the ideal situation to be in when you find out your girlfriend's pregnant.”

“Is that what she was? Is that where the two of you were then? It wasn't just a passing thing? Two people caught up in a moment?”

He'd considered that himself almost a year ago. Things had happened fast. Giving neither of them a chance to really catch their breath. Two broken people finding solace and escape in one another.

“If it were, do you really think we'd be here right now? Having this conversation?” he asks. You think I'd have married her if it wasn't more than that?”

“Part of me wondered if maybe you did that because it felt like the right thing to do.”

“Wondered or hoped?” he challenged, and she gives a small smile.  “Truth to be told, neither of us really knew what we were at the time. We didn't know where we'd end up. But I knew that I loved her. More than I ever thought I could love anyone. And I knew she loved me. And that's all that mattered.”

Nik nods. That explanation pleasing her. At least for now.

“You want to hold her?” he asks, as one of those large, powerful hands runs ever so delicately over the baby's head. “You can go ahead and pick her up if you want. She doesn't bite. That's more her mother's thing.”

She laughs at that and steps closer to the crib. Hesitating, her top teeth grazing over her bottom lip.

“Christ sakes, you're  not going to hurt her. I know she weights all of ten pounds, but you're not going to break her. Here...”  he lifts the infant from the confines of the crib and places her in Nik's arms. “...that's it...just relax....why are you so nervous?”

“She's tiny. I've never seen a human being this small. I haven't been around many babies.”

“You wanted to be her aunt and now you get to do it. You've got to learn to hold her. Just let her lay on her arm. Make sure her back and her head are supported. Would you stop shaking? You're going to freak her out. Bloody well relax already.”

Nik inhales deeply and slowly releases the breath. “I don't think she likes me.”

“Just settle down. You're worrying over nothing. See? That's not that hard, yeah? After you master this, we can work on changing diapers.”

“You're pressing your luck with that, Tyler,” she says,  her eyes riveted on the tiny creature in her arms, her fingers softly combing through that silky hair. “She's just so beautiful. So perfect. She looks just like you.”

“You're not going to follow that up with 'poor kid' are you?”

“Never. She's precious, Tyler.  The best of you and the best of Esme all rolled into one. If you'd told me this is where we'd be a year ago...”

“Surreal, isn't?” his hands move as he speaks; the need to keep constantly busy.  Smoothing and straightening crib sheets, folding a  bubble gum pink receiving blanket. “This time last year I had a chicken in my bathroom. Now I'm making bottles at three in the morning and wiping baby puke off my shirts.”

“I like this side of you,” she muses. “This domestic side.  The one that takes the garbage to the chute and cooks supper and does the laundry.”

“I even clean toilets and windows,” he grins. “But let's cut the shit. That's not the Tyler you're looking for, is it.”

It's a statement more than a question.

“I wish I could say it was. And I was surprised. When you called me and told me you wanted in on this. You're the last person I expected to get back in the game. Why now? You've got a normal life.  You've got a wife and a baby. Is this really the life you want for them?”

“One last time, Nik. This is the end for me.  After this I disappear. I disappear with my family and you lose my number unless it's only the new Tyler you're looking for.”

“Are you sure this is what you want to do? I need you to be sure, Tyler. I need you to really look inside of yourself and be sure.”

Sighing, he drops down into the rocker by the window; hands clasped behind his head and his eyes on the ceiling as one foot methodically moves the chair.  “Let's get one thing clear. I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for Ovi.”

“I know.”

“The kid needs me.  He doesn't trust the guys you've got watching them. And I'm sure they're decent guys. I'm sure they can pack a punch if they need to. But they're not me. Ovi realizes that. I think you do too.”

“And you can handle it? Physically speaking?”

“I'm not a hundred percent. I won't lie and say I am. But I'm at least at eighty percent and that's eighty percent more than what you had before I called you.”

“I can have you on a flight in forty eight hours.”

“Not just me. Esme and the baby too.”

“Tyler...”

“I remember that tone.  That's the tone you always used on me when you thought I was saying something stupid.”

“Not stupid. Foolish. Dangerous. Do you really think that's a good idea? Didn't you learn anything from what happened in Dhaka? Hasn't Esme seen enough?”

“She's a big girl. She can handle it. She'll be fine.”

“Things could go wrong. Things could go very wrong.”

He smirks. “They always do, don't they?”

“Then why bring them into this? Why take that chance?”

“They were already in this, Nik. They were in this the second I made my decision. They either come with me or we all stay. That's the way it's going to be.”

“Shit...Tyler...” she mutters.  “...this isn't a good idea. This...”

“I didn't listen to you a year ago when you told me to leave the kid in the street and I'm not going to listen to you now. This is the way it's going to be, Nik. It's either the three of us or it's none of us. Take your pick.”

She sighs.

“They're safer if they're with me,” he argues.

“I can have people posted here with them. I can...”

“Who?” he interjects. “Some guy that doesn't look like he's old enough to shave yet? I'm not trusting some guy who looks like he hasn't even reached puberty yet to take care of my family. They're better off with me. You get on us that flight. All three of us. And you make sure that everything is there that we need. Baby stuff. A crib, blankets, all that other shit. Make it happen, Nic.”

“This is foolish, Tyler. This isn't going to end well.”

He motions for her to hand him the baby and Nik carefully passes the infant over. Watching as he presses a kiss to his daughter's forehead and then places her against his chest.

“They know, Tyler. They know you survived. They know you're alive and they know your name. They know where you live.”

A shiver passes through him, but he maintains a calm and stoic front.   “I figured as much. How long have they known?”

“A week. Maybe two.  We've tried to keep your location quiet. We tried to keep your private life just that.  But we could only do so much.”

“They have anyone here?”

“Not that we know of.  But Asif had many friends. Many allies. And if these kids turn to them, there's no telling how far their reach will be.”

“Do they know about Esme? And the baby?”

“They know everything, Tyler.”

He nods slowly.  Foot moving the rocker even harder. His eyes dark and stormy as his chin rests on top of his daughter's head.

“Get us a flight, Nik,” he says. “We don't have forty eight hours. I don't care how you do it. Just get us a flight.”

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Retrieved you a future boyfriend, husband and family; John Deacon x reader

*Author’s note*

Hey guys well I’ve seen this prompt in various forms of when there’s a doggy matchmaker but what about seeing it through the dog’s perspective? Based off the very sad movie “A Dog’s purpose” (I also did a Poe Dameron fic kinda similar to this) so I hope everyone enjoys this fic but BE PREPARED FOR THE SADNESS TOWARDS THE END. But until then I give you guys intense fluff and goodness. Also pic does NOT belong to me credit goes to the owner and just seeing these pics with Deacy and the dog also helped inspire this fic.

Taglist:

@psychosupernatural

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*Aug. 1975 Ridge Farm studios*

It started off like any other day.  I woke up to the sound of the rooster’s crow and stretched myself out letting out a loud yawn.  I then walked up the bed and whimpered as I pawed at my mum to get up.  That’s my mum, (y/n). Her and her parents own this lovely recording studio that they call Ridge Farm studios, my name’s Amber and I’m a golden retriever.

She soon stirred and woke up, my tail wagged as I let out a bark and she soon shot up and removed that strange mask that was over her eyes before she saw me.

“Oh, good morning Amber.” She said as she rubbed my neck and brought me close.  I loved my mum so much, she rescued me from the orphanage and picked me out of my entire litter of 9 brothers and sisters.  I had thought that I’d never get a new home but when (y/n) came along, she immediately picked me up and took me home, and so for the past 2 years, this has been my home.

It’s a privilege and a great experience being on a farm.  You get wide open spaces, fresh air, plenty of new things to explore, and so many different animals to bother and play with.  And with mum, she makes it all the more fun and special.

I waited for her to finish getting herself cleaned up and changing into her new fur patterns (clothes) and we went downstairs to see her parents running around cleaning the place. Lately all three of them I’ve noticed have been running around like the chickens I sometimes chase outside cleaning and pushing me off the couches, forbidding me from sitting on my thrones.

“Oh (y/n) thank god you’re up. Listen can you please run to the market and pick up a few things? I forgot to make a store run yesterday due to getting the studio all prepared for the boys.”

“No problem mum, what time did they say they would be here?”

“Well your uncle Shaun said they’d be here by around 2, maybe 3.” Her father answered.

“Okay well I’ll try to be back as fast as I can, c’mon Amber.” Yeah car ride! I love going on car rides!  I raced out and jumped up against the car barking happily as my tail wagged.  “Amber down!” I listened to her and she opened the door and I immediately jumped right in and she closed the door behind me.

She got into the driver seat and the car soon started and as soon as we drove out away from the house, I stuck my head out of the window to feel the rush of the wind blow through my fur.  Ohh that always felt nice, I sometimes wish mum would do it with me, it’s always so nice to feel the wing through your fur and the flies in your teeth, yum.

We soon reached the marketplace and I stayed close beside my mum as she looked down at a piece of paper and muttered to herself.  We picked all the food and I wish I could eat some of it, especially the chicken but she wouldn’t let me touch any of the stuff.  

Of course when she would pick up the green stuff, I almost felt like throwing up.  Why do humans eat that stuff anyway? It stinks, it’s green and its tasteless, so why even eat it? We spent a long time at the market till we were finally done and soon we were back in the car heading back home.

But before we came back up on the driveway, I smelled something.  Five unfamiliar scents were in our house.  I also took notice of another car that didn’t belong to either mum or grandmum or granddad.  My mum parked the car and I could smell that she was scared.

“Oh no, they’re early. Oh I hope mum and dad aren’t freaking out.” She shut the car off and she turned to me and said. “Okay Amber, now you remember the band members I told you who were coming, well I need you to be on your best behavior. We—didn’t really tell them we had a dog here.”

Mum you don’t have to worry, I’ll be good, cause I’m always a good girl.  I let out a couple of barks and she smiled and rubbed my head muttering.

“Good girl.” We both left the car and she grabbed a couple of the grocery bags but as she took a couple of steps, I saw her stop.  Her scent changed from calm to a sorta sweaty smell, she also had this dazed look in her eyes as they were locked onto something.

I looked ahead and saw two young boys that I had never seen before.  One of them kinda looked like me with the long blonde hair, while the other one had the same length of hair as my twin but it was dark brown.  I’ve never smelt my mum like this before as she just stayed there and became a little nervous.

I looked a little closer and saw that it was the long brown haired boy that she was looking at. Wonder if that boy had anything to do with it?  I raced up towards him, I could hear my mum calling out ordering me to stop but I didn’t listen because I wanted to know just what he had that made my mum smell this way.

So I greeted him the way we dogs always greet one another.  I heard him cry out as he turned.

“Bloody hell!”

“I am so sorry. That—that was my dog I swear I-I would never do that…..” my mum said nervously as she tugged me back by my collar trying to get me away from the brown furred boy.  The two men laughed softly and the brown furred man answered.

“Well, maybe you could teach your dog some proper manners.”

“Believe me I’ve tried she just—doesn’t listen to me.” Mum! I turned my head grunted embarrassingly at her.

“Really? Wow did you hear what she said about you? You look pretty smart to me.” my twin spoke up as he knelt down in front of me and began rubbing and petting along my face and neck.

Wow, he’s got a pretty good touch.  He rubbed scratches along my head and soon the brown furred boy knelt down and he began petting me.  He also had a good touch too, maybe even better than my twin did.

“Such intelligent eyes. And quite beautiful too.” Aww thank you. “What’s your name?”

“Amber, her name’s Amber.” My mum answered.

“Hello there Amber.” My twin spoke up.

“Well you seem like a good girl Amber.” The brown furred man spoke up.

“Again I’d like to apologize for what just happened. Normally she never runs at guests and—”

“It’s fine. In fact I’d kinda like to know the name of her mum, if that’s alright with you.” Huh, now they both had a sweaty smell.

“(Y/n), (y/n) (l/n). You probably already met my parents.”

“Ahh yes, well it’s also a pleasure to meet their beautiful daughter.” My twin spoke up with a scent of flirtation on him. “Roger Taylor, drummer of this rag-tag band.” They both shook hands and that’s when the brown furred man introduced himself.

“John Deacon born on August 19th, 1951.” He groaned as he hid his face and I could hear my mum softly giggle while my twin Roger just couldn’t help but laugh hysterically.

“I think he meant to say Bass player of our band.”

“Ahh, well John Deacon born on August 19th, 1951, thought I might let you know I’ve always found bass players the most fascinating members of bands.”

“Y-you do?” my mum nodded.  Before anything else could be spoken an eerie, buzzing voice called out.

“Roger! John!” Soon coming out of the studio was a man with what looked like a fuzzy caterpillar across his face.  He walked up towards us and already I didn’t like his scent.  He just smelt of ill intentions and it made me on edge.  “What in the world is taking you so—good lord what is that beast?” Uhh excuse me? Was he talking to me just now?

“I’m sorry?” my mum snapped.

“We don’t allow strays into this location, get it out of here before I call the pound. And you girl, will you kindly go make yourself useful and help with the equipment?”

“Uhh first of all you don’t talk to my dog like that. Second of all I’m no one’s servant girl or housemaid. And third…..”

“Paul, what is taking so long out there?” Soon two more men came out from the studio and walked up toward us.  One had black fur up to his shoulders and he smelt like sunshine and fun, the other one was really tall and sorta looked like Francine the poodle who lived in town. He had a mellow scent which was relaxing.

“Oh Freddie, I was just telling the girl here about the rules we have here about strays.”

“Paul don’t you remember the pictures the lovely couple showed us? This must be their lovely daughter they were telling us about, please tell me you are darling?” the black furred man spoke out.

“Yeah, I’m (y/n).”

“Ah-ha I knew it! Though those photographs do you no justice at all darling, you are too beautiful for the camera.” Oh I liked this guy; he compliments my mum a lot.

“And this must be your dog?” asked the poodle man.

“Yep this is my lovely girl Amber, she—she’s already met two of your other band members.”

“Basically sticking her nose right up Deacy’s arse.” My twin spoke which caused John to slap him over the head.

“Well she sure is pretty, aren’t you Amber darling?” The black furred man gave me a rub to my neck and I felt like I was in heaven.

Never have I ever been given this much attention by so many people, I was gonna like these four boys.

“She sure is beautiful, her coat is even so shiny. How old is she?” asked the poodle man.

“She just turned 2 last month.”

“Ohh big girl huh?” the black furred man smiled as he kept petting me.  I took notice that he had an overbite with his fangs but he still had a bright smile that almost if not was even brighter than the sun.  “Ohh she’s a sweet girl, aren’t you darling?” he placed a kiss to my forehead before standing up and I felt the poodle man stroked through my fur now for a brief moment before the black furred man said to caterpillar guy known as Paul. “Well go on Paul, make it up to her for insulting her and her beautiful mum.”

“You’re right Freddie I—I didn’t know what I was thinking. Terribly sorry miss, and to you to sweet—” as he reached out to pet me, I snared and snapped at his hand just barely missing it making him jump back as I lowly growled at him.

“Good doggie couldn’t have said it better myself.” Roger whispered. “So Prenter, why the big hurry?”

“We’re on a strict deadline, we’re lucky that Foster’s giving us a brief extension on the album so we must get to word as soon as possible.” Paul then trudged off.

I didn’t like him. Not one bit, and I hope he never insults my mum, me or any of these boys or does anything to harm them.

“Well I’ve kept you all distracted long enough; I should get these groceries in the house.” Mum said.

“Here why—why don’t I help you?” John offered.

“Oh I can’t ask that of you.”

“You’re not asking, I’m offering. Plus it can count as payment for your dog sniffing where she wasn’t allowed to sniff.” I looked up at mum and she looked down at me.  I softly grunted and she said.

“Okay, if it’s okay with your friends for letting me steal you for a bit.”

“Of course it is, you two kids go off and have fun. But be sure to use protection!”

“Fred!” John hissed out before the three of them headed to the studio while mum, John and I walked towards the car.

As we gathered up the groceries, mum said as she gathered some bags.

“You know Amber can actually take a bag of groceries into the kitchen.”

“You’re joking.”

“No, no I trained her to do that. Don’t believe me? Hold a bag to her and say kitchen.” It was then I saw John hold up a bag and I could smell the bag of apples as well as a carton of whip cream.

“Kitchen.” Instantly knowing the command, I took the handles into my mouth and trotted towards the kitchen.  As the two of them walked in, I set the bag down and mum patted my head telling me I was a good girl.  “I’ll say I’m impressed. Never did I think dogs could do that.”

“Some can’t just with retrievers they’re really easy to train, once you start them at an early age.” As the two of them put the food away, I sat down in my bed in the corner of the kitchen and couldn’t help but notice that the sweaty smell between the two of them got stronger.

“So will I—see you around?” John asked.

“Yeah.” Mum muttered. John nodded and began to walk away but then my mum stopped him by saying, “Hey!” he immediately turned around and he smelled hopeful about something.  “If you ever find yourself wanting a break, Amber and I would…..love to take you out to the lake or show you around town.”

“I’d like that, though be prepared it may just be later tonight that I might take you up on that offer.” Mum softly giggled and soon John left but not without giving me a gently pat.  It was then my mum sighed in a strange way as she slide down against the wall.  I walked up to her and she said as she cupped underneath my neck.

“Ohh Amber, I—I think I’ve just been struck by cupid’s arrow.” I tilted my head at her grunting softly.  I sniffed her face and gently licked her cheek before placing myself over her lap and the two of us just sat there in the kitchen.

As the weeks passed, we would either get to listen to the boys who I learned their band name was Queen; play their music.  I’ve heard mum play various other songs whether on her device that she calls a record player or in the car but Queen’s music was unlike anything my ears had ever heard.

I found myself howling along to some of their songs as they would record their songs.  Paul of course didn’t like it but John, Roger, Brian and Freddie didn’t mind it at all, in fact they saw it amusing, to which then Fred called me the ‘doggy approved’ critic.

And when they would all find the time to get away from work, they spent it playing with me and mum. We’d go out onto the tennis court, out in the fields to play fetch or take pictures so that they would have some memories of their recording (according to Brian since he was always the one with a camera in hand), or we’d swim at the lake or in the pool, but I honestly preferred the lake, since John would always throw my favorite ball into it for me to fetch it.

I’ve also noticed that mum and John have been spending a lot of time together.  He would come along on drives with us, he’d go to the lake with us, he’d even stay out and gaze up at the stars with us.  And every time they spent together; I’ve noticed their sweaty scents would grow stronger.  One night while gazing under the stars, I could sense that John was feeling extremely nervous.

I crawled up to him and gave him a comforting nudge and he soon placed his hand on top of my head, gently massaging my neck as mum said.

“Are you okay Deacy?”

“Hmm oh yeah, yeah I’m fine I—well I guess there has been something on my mind lately.”

“What is it?” I looked up between the two of them and it was then John said.

“Well I was wondering if uhh…..you’re not really doing anything tomorrow night, maybe you’d uhh—umm that is if you’d like to would you…..”

“Are you—trying to ask me out on a date?” my mum asked.  John’s face went as red as an apple as he looked down.  No, no you need to keep looking at her.  I stood up and nudged behind his back which knocked him into my mum and the two of them went down to the ground, with John on top of my mum.

“Oh god I-I-I-I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to……”

“I know just who it was that really did it Deacy.” I sat down and simply tilted my head trying to look cute.  The two of them got up and that’s when mum said. “And to answer your question, yes. Meet me in the living room at 8?”

“Yeah. Yes of course I’ll—see you then.”  It was then my mum had her first real date.

Humans were so complex; like last night my mum answered John or I guess I should call him Deacy since she calls him that now, with such ease but now here she was tossing stuff out of her closet muttering to herself.

“Too revealing, too stuffy, too dressy. Ugh Amber I don’t know what to where, please help me!” I hoped off of her bed and went into the closet and began sniffing around.  Ohh I don’t know why she hasn’t worn this yet.

I took the bottom of the shirt and she grabbed it and took it off the strange dinner triangle (hanger).

“Huh this?” She placed it over herself and she continued, “Don’t you think it’s kinda see-through?” I went back into the closet and suddenly found something else and I dragged it out from the corner of the closet and held it out to her, “What’s this? Oh. Oh that’s perfect, this is perfect, thank you Amber! Good girl Amber!” She ruffled through my fur and kissed my head and stood up and got dressed.

Mum looked at herself in the mirror as she now applied the stuff she calls ‘makeup’ on her face and as she went to pick up the dreaded smell bottle I barked at her warningly.

“No perfume?” I shook my head in disgust. “Okay, no perfume.” She set it back down then she fully stood up and said, “Well girl, what do you think?” My tail wagged and I let out a happy bark.  “Aww thank girl,” she sat down on the bed beside me and she suddenly became sad. “Amber—can I tell you something?” I grunted and mum continued, “I’m really nervous about this date, I mean—I think I’m falling in love with John and it…..seems like he loves me too. But what if I make a complete fool of myself? I mean he’s a rock star and I’m just—me. A simple farm girl.” I whimpered and set my head on her lap.

No you won’t mum. I can smell that he likes you, and I wouldn’t let you go near him if he didn’t smell of good intentions.  You’re the bravest girl I know, he’ll like you the way you like him.  And maybe if it all works out, I’ll finally have a dad.

“It’s almost 8, c’mon girl.” I hopped off and followed behind her.  We walked down the stairs and the second Deacy saw my mum, his sweaty smell intensified.

“Wow.” I heard him whisper.

“Is it too much?”

“No, no. You look—be-beautiful.” Mum’s sweaty smell also intensified and she said.

“You can thank Amber here for my attire for tonight.” He knelt down in front of me and scratched and rubbed my head as he said.

“You are quite the expert, maybe you could give Fred some tips.”

“My sense of style is fabulous darling, there’s nothing wrong with it!” Freddie’s voice soon proclaimed out.  I turned to see him, Roger and Brian all standing there.

“So you know the rules, have her back by midnight, no shagging in my car but if you do use protection.”

“Roger!” Both mum and Deacy exclaimed as they both got red in the face.

“And Deacy darling, if you do anything to break this girl’s heart you’re kicked out of the band.”

“No worries Fred,”

“God you lot are worse than my dad. The only thing your missing is a shotgun.”

“Ohh where’s that at?” Roger said.

“Rog there’s no need for that.” Brian spoke up.  “Just have a good time, the both of you and be safe.”

“Well with only so few things to do in this town, there’s not a whole lot of trouble to be made. The only big thing that happened here was the multiple robberies and break-ins. And they weren’t even armed.”

“But anyway, have fun you two.”  As they walked out of the door, I went to follow but mum stopped me before I got out the front door.

“No Amber, stay.” Stay? But we’ve always gone on outings together. The three of us.

“Don’t worry we’ll make sure to keep her company, maybe even run some song by her on what she thinks of them.” Roger spoke up as he came and held me back.

“I’ll be back soon girl, and I’ll fill you in on everything when we get back. I love you.” Mum kissed my forehead and soon her and Deacy went into the car.  I whimpered as I was pulled back and the front door shut. I got up on my hindlegs and watched as they drove off.

Aww, but I wanted to go with them.  It’s always more fun whenever I’m around. Why didn’t they want me with them?

“Don’t worry Amber dear, they’ll be back soon. Hey, does someone want dinner?” Food, did I just hear food? I let out a bark and headed straight for the kitchen with the rest of the boys coming behind me.

Deacy and mum were gone a really long time.  Everyone’s pretty much gone to sleep, except me.  I waited and stared out the window from my mum’s room that looked out into the front yard hoping that they would come back.

Then I saw the headlights and my tail wagged as I raced down the stairs and looked out through the curtains of the living room to see Deacy and mum standing together.  I then raced over to the front door and peeked out so that they wouldn’t see me as I heard Deacy say.

“I really had a wonderful time tonight.”

“Me too, thank you so much Deacy. This has been—literally the best summer I’ve ever had.”  I tilted my head as I saw Deacy tuck in a piece of my mum’s fur before the two of them leaned close together.

Until they finally met and their lips touched together.  I don’t know what they were doing exactly but it made me happy as I smiled and my tail wagged.

When I saw them separate I quickly raced upstairs so that they wouldn’t know that I was watching. I hopped into mum’s bed and pretended to be asleep.  I could hear their whispers coming up towards the room and that’s when my mum said.

“Goodnight, my handsome bass player.”

“Sleep well my farm girl.” I heard them do the thing again before I heard the door softly close. I decided to take a peek and I saw my mum slide down against the door and she smelled happy.

Really happy. 

Never have I seen her smile that widely before and her scent was mixed with Deacy’s scent, and it suited her when their smells were together. 

From that moment on, I knew that Deacy was a member of our pack.

As the days went on, the boys continued to work nonstop but when the evening came, Deacy and mum spent a lot of time together.  Sometimes we’d just stay out in the backyard looking up at the stars having a picnic, or we would go on nightly drives, this time I managed to convince them to bring me along.

We would howl together in the car as the music would play on the radio.  But I’ve noticed that every time they were together, mum and Deacy would wrestle with their lips and lick each other.  We’re they fighting over food or something? Maybe Deacy was hiding something in his mouth? Let me check.

I hopped over to the backseat and leaned over to the front as I nudged myself between them and began sniffing Deacy and licked over his face.  The two of them laughed but I smelt nothing.  Nope, nothing in there.

“What is going on?” Deacy laughed.

“Think she’s jealous.” Mum said.  But of course no matter how much mum looked, there was never anything in Deacy’s mouth. And she looked—a lot.

One day as the sun was setting over the horizon, I was walking through the fields and found the haystack and decided to jump into it and roll around in it.  Ahh I’ve always loved the feel and smell of hay.  The way it would tickle my nose, I let out a sneeze as I shook myself.  It was then I heard mum and Deacy talking.  I peeked over but something was different; usually when they were together there nothing but happiness and sweaty smells, now all I could sense was sadness.

Why were they sad? I watched as mum hugged Deacy and he hugged her back.  Maybe I could cheer them up.  I hopped over the hay and trotted up to them.  I let out a bark and they turned to me and it was then I began to try and chase my tail.  Grunting as I spun around until I finally managed to catch it.

The two of them smiled and softly laughed.  I released my tail and walked up towards them and lifted my paw up.  Don’t be sad anymore, please. Be happy, you two are together, and it’ll always be that way.

The next morning, I watched as the boys were packing up the cars.  All their personal equipment was being packed away as well as their luggage. Where were they going? What’s going on? Nobody ever tells me anything.

“We wish to thank you again for allowing us to finish the album here Mr. and Mrs. (l/n).” Brian spoke up.

“Anytime boys, it’s been wonderful having you here with us.” Grandmum said.

“And anytime you need a break from the city, I know we’d be happy to have you four here again.” Grandad said.

“Much obliged my dears.” Freddie said.  I whimpered as I walked up to them.  “And you, you fabulous dog. Probably the only dog I’ll ever love, you keep being your fabulous self.” Freddie said as he stroked through my fur.

“C’mon boys we need to get going. Foster’s waiting to hear the album.” Bad man Paul spoke up.  Brian walked up to me now and gently stroked through my fur and said.

“It was lovely to meet you Amber, take care of things here.” Roger then knelt down and he cupped my face.

“You keep being a clever girl, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” I grunted and licked my twin goodbye.  He placed a kiss to my head before standing up and then Deacy came up.

“Look after your mum for me, okay?” He smelt sad again. Why was he still sad? I thought I fixed it last night.  He couldn’t even look at my mum and she couldn’t do the same.  It was then the boys got into the cars and drove off.

Grandmum and granddad all waved goodbye, while mum was very sad.  I even heard her sniffle, I looked up and saw water coming down her face.  He can’t leave now, mum’s sad.  I tugged but mum held me back and said.

“No Amber, stay.” Stay? But you’re sad. Dad can help you.  I got myself free and I heard my mum call out my name but only one thing was circling through my mind.

Dad needed to go back and hug and lick mum again.  Wait dad come back!

I raced after the cars hoping that if they saw me, dad would come out and take me home, then he and mum can be together and happy again.  I raced through the field and onto the road but I knew I wouldn’t catch up with them at this rate.

Then I decided I could probably cut them off.  I raced through the wheat fields bounding up and down hoping to still see them. Racing past goats, cows and horses of neighboring farms until finally I came back onto green grass again seeing the car insight.  Remembering which one dad and went into, I raced towards that one and by luck the window was actually rolled down.

His car came to a stop and I took my chance of leaping through the window till finally I was in the car.  I walked up to dad’s face panting heavily, boy you sure did give me a run of my life dad.

“Amber are you crazy?” But maybe not—drive so far next time.

“I can’t believe she actually ran all the way here. You’re a crazy girl aren’t you Amber?” I heard Roger’s voice say as he scratched my back.  Dad, mum needs you and you need her. Go back to her, please. He cupped my face and I could see water fill his eyes as he leaned up against me.

“You need to go back Amber; your mum needs you.” I whimpered. Yes but she needs you too dad. “Life on the road is no place for a dog.” I lifted my paw and lightly pawed at him whimpering. He hugged me and whispered in my ear. “I love you girl,” I felt him kiss me before he ordered me. “Home, now!” He opened the door and I got out and he closed to door before the car took off again.

As I’ve said humans are so complicated. They do things that we dogs just can’t understand, like leave. I stayed there along the road and watched with a broken heart as dad drove away.  Finally not wanting to disobey him, I walked back home.

Mum and dad were meant to be together. But if they weren’t together, then what was the point of life? Maybe the point was to not go looking for it, I think that’s why the term I’ve heard grandad say ‘life’s not fair’ makes much more sense now.

Things changed a lot since the boys left.  Mum decided to move into the city so she packed up and took me along with her. Apparently she got a job offer in the city of London as something called a ‘music teacher’.  

It’s been two years since we’ve lived in the city and it was definitely a huge adjustment, especially to me. Loud noises, more dogs than I’ve ever seen in my whole life, smells that not even back home had to offer, and most of it really stunk.  But mum seemed to be happy, and if she was happy then I was happy.

She never really dated anyone, not after—well sometimes its even hard to hear their music sometimes, but even through the tears, she just couldn’t bring herself to stop listening to them, and neither could I.  One day as I was lying on her bed as she was grading some papers, I heard her sigh heavily and she said.

“You know what I’m thinking?” Ice cream. “This is crazy but sometimes I think I know what you’re thinking.” Ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream.  “Ahh Amber I’ve been cooped up here for too long grading secondary school papers, you wanna go get some ice cream?” I grunted happily. Mum you read my mind.

We were now out in the city going by our favorite ice cream shop, she got her favorite flavor (f/c) and I got me a vanilla cup.  As we were now sitting in the park eating our ice cream, well I was more or less licking whatever was left in the cup.  As we sat there with our ice cream, suddenly something caught my nose.

I sniffed the air and it was then I recognized it.  That familiar masculine scent mixed in with toast and cheese.  Could it be? I took off running as fast as I could through the park.  Mum tailing behind me calling my name.  I tracked the scent down until I found him just sitting there underneath a tree right by the lake where I usually chase the ducks.  

He had his bass guitar in his lap and my tail wagged furiously.  I let out a bark and raced toward him before tackling him down to the ground and licking all over his face whimpering happily.

It was dad. I found him! I found him, he was back at last!

He pulled me back and got a good look at me before saying.

“A-Amber?” I barked happily.  Dad’s fur was shorter than when I last saw him but I knew those eyes and that smile anywhere.  I barked and licked all over his face again, my tail wagging as I heard mum say my name. I looked up and got off of dad and barked happily at her as I looked between the two of them.

“D-Deacy?”

“(Y/n).” mum and dad looked at each other.  He stood up and the two just stared at each other some more as they stood face to face, that was before they hugged each other.

Maybe now they would patch whatever it was that happened between them and they can be together again, especially now since we lived in the same territory.

We invited John to our home and the two of them talked over a cup of tea while I listened in from the kitchen.

“How have you been?” dad asked mum.

“It’s been good.”

“How—how long have you been in London?”

“I actually moved here about a month after you guys left. I’m currently working as a music teacher at a school nearby.”

“Is it good? Do you enjoy it?”

“It pays the bills, one thing I never will get about the city is why everything must be so expensive?”

“Can’t argue with that. When we were first starting off, Freddie actually gave away three months wages on our shared house just to record one album. It was a struggle to make a living those first several months.”

“But low and behold you guys slowly rose to the top. And you still are, even after the ‘A night at the opera album’.”

“You—still keep in touch with our music?”

“I’ve never stopped.”

“Even after—”

“Surprisingly yes. I mean it was hard don’t get me wrong, but we both agreed that it just wouldn’t work between us. The distance was just too much to bear.”

“Well…..what about now?” Yes, yes please tell him mum. You still love him I’ve smelled it on you for years.

“But what about Queen? You guys are about to go on another tour aren’t you? I-I couldn’t hold you back.”

“You wouldn’t be holding us back, nor me. Ever since that day when I left, I’ve never felt so heartbroken in my life. I was stupid for letting you go. But if you….if you’ve moved on I understand and…..” I heard dad stop talking so I decided to peek out from the door and that’s when I saw mom and dad softly licking each other like they used to do together.

I watched as dad’s arms went around mom’s waist and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders bringing him closer.

Finally.

From that moment on, mum and dad spent every moment together.  We would go on walks or he would take us to a brand new studio and when we saw the rest of Queen again, I was happy to get all the pets and scratches. Except for Brian, Freddie and Roger’s fur was also cut too but it seemed to suit them.

It was great being back with them once again, and I was extremely happy that mum and dad were back together again.  And it wasn’t long before we slept together.  Of course mum and I missed dad whenever he had to leave to go on tour with the guys, but every time he’d come back he always brought something back for us.

Never did I think I would get so many new toys in my life.  And they weren’t just from dad, they also came from Roger and Freddie as well.  One day in the early morning before the sun even rose in the sky, I felt something being attached to my collar.  I opened my eyes and saw dad.

“Go back to sleep girl, it’s only me.” I grunted before lying my head back down on the bed. I felt dad softly stroke my head as he whispered, “When your mum wakes up, show her your collar. You’re part of a very special surprise for her.” A surprise for mum? That sounds like fun, I hope the surprise is peanut butter. I love peanut butter.  I then fell back asleep after hearing the front door close.

When morning finally came and I heard footsteps coming down the stairs, I woke up to see mum coming down.  She went over to the kitchen and I heard her pour out my breakfast, immediately waking up I raced over and began chowing down.

“Boy someone’s a hungry girl today.” While eating my breakfast, something kept buzzing around in my mind, and I could feel something poking around my collar and I couldn’t see nor get it.  I barked at my mum who came up to me and said, “What is—well how did this get in your collar girl?” she took a piece of paper out and unfolded it and a smile instantly came on her face.

I tilted my head at her before going back to eating and that’s when she said.

“Well, hope you have a full belly girl, cause it looks like we’re gonna be busy running around town for the rest of the day.” Huh? We’re going on a car ride. Alright, where are we going?

We were soon driving around town; mum would tell me to find notes that looked like the one on my collar.  And thanks to dad’s scent, I was able to find them.  We went to places like the park, the diner where they first had their date in the city, then we went to the recording studio, then a concert hall where Queen had just performed at, the very first Queen concert mum got to do it, I wish I could’ve watched but it was too loud for me so I just stayed in the dressing room.

Now we were on our way to our final destination and boy was it a far one too.  It was then I was hit with the familiar smells of home.  We were going home. Could this be where our final surprise for mum was at?  Finally by the time it was sunset, we arrived home.

Mum turned the car off and standing outside was grandmum and granddad.  Mum opened the door and I raced over to greet them after not seeing them for what felt like forever.

“Mum, dad.” She hugged her parents and asked, “So do you have any idea what’s going on?”

“Well we promised not to spoil anything, but just head in the house and you’ll see what all this is about.” Grandmum said.

“Alright c’mon Amber.” We raced on inside and the first thing that hit me was the smell of flowers. Orchids to be exact, mum’s favorite.  We both saw batches upon batches or orchid petals scattered in some sort of trail.  I went on ahead and sniffed it leading us to the backyard where there was suddenly light, but it wasn’t daytime, it just turned dark.

It was then I realized they were lanterns, as we walked on ahead I soon smelled the guys, then I saw them.  I raced on ahead and went up to dad who petted my head and he said.

“Good job girl, you brought her here at last.”

“What’s all this Deacy?”

“Just a little something special for you darling, please take a seat you and Amber.” Mum soon sat down on a block of hay and she called me over and I trotted over to her and sat down beside her as she wrapped her hands around me, but I knew that I wanted to stay and watch what was happening.

The boys then began playing and soon a song came up and I recognized this tune.  I barked out happily knowing this was my favorite song, because Dad said that he had written this already and it was for the album they were recording when we first met them.  I think he said he called it, “You’re my best friend”.

The boys played in beautiful harmony and of course it was Freddie’s voice that stole the song, but of course I couldn’t take my eyes off of dad, and neither could mum.  I would look up at her and she was smiling widely from ear to ear and she would occasionally stroke through my fur.  I also took notice that dad didn’t take his eyes off of mum either as he played.

Once the song was over I let out a series of barks and my mum and grandparents clapped and it was then dad came up to mum and he took her hands in his.  Huh he also had that sweaty smell again, and it was then he spoke.

“(Y/n), even though we’ve spent such a short time together the first time around I knew I never wanted to be apart from you again. And just nine months ago when Amber found me again in the park, it felt like we got the second chance. So—I ask of you, (Y/n) (m/n) (l/n),” I then saw him take out a box and opening it I saw something shiny and I heard my mum gasp as dad continued, “Will you marry me my darling?”

“Oh John! Yes! Yes!” I watched as mum and dad tackled each other and once again wrestled and licked each other’s.  My tail wagged as I sensed nothing but pure joy from the both of them and I let out a series of excited barks as everyone clapped.

Their mating ceremony was beautiful and I got to actually carry my mum’s tail down the aisle. She looked beautiful and dad looked handsome too, they danced, cuddled, and couldn’t stop wrestling each other’s lips. Then they left somewhere for what the humans call a ‘honey-moon.’ Were they going to get honey on the moon? If they do they should bring some back, I’ve tried honey here so I want to make sure if honey on the moon tastes any different.

I sure did miss them when they were away, but at least Brian, Roger and Freddie came to check up on me so I still at least had some company, which I always enjoyed.

After about a year of them being mates, we were cuddled up together on the bed.  Dad had just came back from a long day’s recording their newest album and soon another tour would be happening, as we all lay there, my head was on top of mum’s stomach.  Lately I’ve been hearing this strange rumbling sound in her stomach.

“Deacy, there’s something I need to tell you….”

Nine months later, after dad had come back from tour mum had a baby. Currently the two of them were hovering over it in its bed.

“Is he breathing alright?”

“He’s fine Deacy, just let him sleep.”

“Maybe we should wake him up, just to be sure.” As the two of them whispered to each other, I merely lay down there.  I don’t understand why they got a baby. It took all their attention from me.  That was until the day they finally allowed me to meet him, I think they called him Robert.  It was then with one sniff I had a new mission.

To protect Robert at all cost.

Couple years later they got more babies, seemed strange that they kept having babies so quickly but my younger brothers and new baby sister at the time were lucky, because we had the best parents in the world.

As the kids got older, I had to live my life on the run, mostly from the boys as they wanted me to dress up in clothes that belonged to my younger sister.  With no chance of fighting them off, I just let them do what they wanted to whether it was putting sunglasses over me, a tutu around my waist or a crown on my head.

But I guess as long as they were happy, I was happy.  And if I’m being completely honest, I liked having all the attention. Especially when we got to run around the house and play tag or fetch.  Of course mum would tell us to either stop or go outside when it came to playing fetch.

Time moved slower, which was a good thing because I didn’t feel like running anymore, I didn’t feel like playing as much as I used to.  Even when the boys tried to get me to fetch my favorite ball, I never once moved or got up.  All I wanted was to just lay down.

I was also in pain, all the time.  I don’t know why I was hurting but I was.  I saw mum come into the kitchen and she said softly.

“Hey, there’s my best girl.” My breathing was labored now and has been for a while.  She knelt down in front of me and my food bowl as she said, “Amber, you okay?” I could barely keep my eyes open any longer as I let out a weak whimper.

The next thing I knew I was being put in the car.

When I came around, I saw mom standing over me with tears falling down her face and voices were muffled as I heard my doctor say.

“So, let’s see what we can find here?” Thank goodness he didn’t give me a shot this time.

“She’s uhh…..she’s mostly been lying around the house lately; she never wants to run around with the kids. She barely walks or hardly eats. Her breathing’s been labored and…..her eyes just don’t seem to look right.” I heard my mum say.  She sounded so sad, but I was too tired to try and cheer her up.  “Doctor what can we do for her?”

“Well I can run some tests but I think I might have a diagnoses already. I can feel this lump in her side and I’ve felt this with many other golden retrievers I’ve dealt with, and I—I’m afraid it’s not good news. I’m afraid she might have a tumor.” I heard my mum gasp and sniffle.  Faintly through the light that was shining down on me, I could see her hold her hand to her mouth as she was trembling.

“Can…..can I please use your phone doctor?”

“Of course Mrs. Deacon, it’s just over there.” I saw her leave and I could hear her voice very faintly.

“Deacy,” dad? Are you here? “Deacy it’s…..it’s Amber.” I can’t smell you…..where are you, dad?  Soon my vision went black.

“Amber.” When I opened my eyes, there he was.  Dad, you’re here.

“Hey there Amber darling.” Freddie?

“You clever girl.” Roger.

“Didn’t think you’d leave us without a proper goodbye, huh?” Brian.  They were all here.  And I could tell they were all sad, ohh I didn’t want them to be sad.

“Oh our royal queen, our best girl.” Dad leaned his head against me and I could feel the tears fall into my fur.  Mum sat beside him and she placed her hand over my paw and stroked it.

“Oh Amber, Amber, my beautiful, beautiful baby girl.”

“It’s what’s best for her, she won’t suffer anymore.” I heard the doctor say.  Both mum and dad with tears running down their faces, their presences filled with nothing but sadness looked down at me.  I didn’t want to leave them like this, but mum said.

“You’re a good girl Amber. You’ve always been a good girl.”

“Don’t worry, she’ll just feel a little prick in her neck, and then the pain will go away.” Then the last thing I saw before my vision went black for the final time was my pack surrounding me.

*My POV*

Amber Deacon died on August 9th, 1986 at the old age of 13 years old.  Deacy and I had to tell the unfortunate news to the kids since they were visiting my mum and dad for the summer.  I was thankful to get a hold of Deacon after their last concert and amazingly he and the guys had got to say their final farewells to a beloved dog.

We buried her in the backyard and as memory of her I kept her collar and leash with embroider tags that I got made for her when we first moved to the city right by my bed stand.

Losing my best friend was the most gut wrenching thing I ever had to go through.  I was depressed for weeks on end, I couldn’t stop crying and I’d even cry myself to sleep most nights.  I would most of the time spend my days out by her grave and just sit there for hours and hours in rain or sun.

*3rd Person POV*

The Deacon children Robert, Michael, Laura and Joshua all stared out at their mum and Robert said.

“I wish there was a way to cheer mum up.”

“Why did Amber have to die?” said Laura sadly.

“That’s just life my darlings.” John spoke up.  The kids turned to their dad and as he sat down at one of the kitchen chairs, he told them to come over.  They all gathered around their dad and he said, “It’s all just part of life Laura my love, though we wish she could still be here she—she was just very sick and hurting. You wouldn’t want her to still be alive and in pain do you?”

“No, not if she was hurting.” She answered her dad as she leaned up against his chest.

“She was a good doggy.” Joshua spoke up.

“Took the words right out of my mouth Joshua.” He softly scoffed a chuckle before saying, “Did I ever tell you kids how your mum and I met?”

“Yeah, you met her when you and uncles Freddie, Brian and Roger went to record your night at the opera album, right dad?” answered his eldest son Robert.

“True Robert, but there’s another part of the story I hadn’t told you all about. Come into the living room with me.” He kept hold of Laura and the boys followed behind him as they all gathered around the couch.  “You see, when we first came to mum’s and pops place to record our album, your mother was actually out buying groceries. Your uncle Roger and I were just about to head into the studio when I….ehehe I felt something nudge my bum.”  At hearing that the kids all laughed softly.  “Yeah, yeah laugh it up now. But when I turned around there stood your mother. Of course I thought it was her but it was then she introduced me to the cleverest dog I would come to know. It was Amber who helped your mum and I meet.”

“She did that?” asked Michael.

“Yeah she did. She was probably the smartest dog I would ever meet, in fact after a while she helped us reunite when your mum moved here to the city.”

“I wish we were there to say goodbye.” Robert spoke.

“She knew you all loved her Robert. She always knows when someone loves her. But kids, try not to think about her death, she wouldn’t want that. Think of all the fun times you had with her. That’s what’s really important.”

“Can we make a scrapbook with all the pictures of her, and…..maybe give it to mama?” Laura asked hopefully.  John smiled down at his little girl and said as he stroked through her hair.

“I think mummy would love that.”

“Come on you guys let’s go find some pictures.” Said Robert.

“Maybe even do some hand drawings.” Suggested Michael.  Soon the four little Deacons raced upstairs to work on the scrapbook.  Meanwhile John stood up and just looked out into the backyard to see his wife and best friend still at the grave of their beloved dog.

Quietly he opened the backdoor and walked towards her slowly and silently.  He knelt down behind her and cautiously wrapped his arms around her before resting his head on her shoulder.

*My POV*

I felt the familiar arms of my husband wrap around me and I choked out a confession.

“When I—first adopted her from the shelter, never did I think she would affect my life the way she would. But the second I held her she—she changed my world right then and there. Why did she have to die Deacy? Why her?”

“Shhh, shh.” Deacy held me close to him, my head resting over his heart.  As one arm was wrapped around me, his other cupped over my ear so that the only sound I could hear besides his voice was his heartbeat, trying to soothe and control my broken one. “She loved you so much (y/n).”

But even that didn’t stop the tears from falling down my face.  I felt him press little pecks on the top of my head as he then said.

“I’d imagine the doves up in heaven are not gonna be too happy now that she’s with them.”  Finally for the first time in over three weeks since her death, Deacy finally managed to get me to smile through my tears with that joke.  “Ohh there’s that smile I’ve missed so dearly.” He wiped my tears away and cupped my face so that I could look at her.

“I’m sorry—”

“No, you have no reason to apologize to me my love. You just lost your best friend; you have every right to grieve in how you see fit.”

“Are….are the kids—mad at me?”

“They’re more worried about you than anything. They also miss her too.” I sighed heavily and leaned up against him.

“I don’t know what I would do without you here Deacy.”

“We’ll get through this darling. But just know she’s never really gone; she’ll always be in your memories and in your heart.”

“I just…..never got to thank her. Without her I’d—we probably wouldn’t have met each other the way we did.”

“She knows that, she probably knew all along that we had a future together. Otherwise she would never have chased after our car the day the boys and I left the farm.”  He gently kissed me before placing gentle kisses along my temple and kept hold of me.

The rest of the day we all spent in the living room huddled up together on the couch, sharing stories and looking through pictures of the greatest dog to ever grace our lives.

Even as the years passed and we got a new dog to join the family, he didn’t take the place of her in our hearts.  She was in a class of her own.

It’s not often that a dog comes along whose a true friend, and a great matchmaker.  Amber was both.

[derryhawkins]

Puppy Love

summary: Right after she breaks up with her abusive boyfriend, Beverly house and dog sits for her two good friends while they’re gone for a month. During this time she has to take the dog to the vet because of a terrible limp, and there she meets the one and only Ben Hanscom – a sweetheart with a pure soul and kind eyes. Untrusting of men other than her three best friends, Beverly believes she’ll never find someone to trust and be with for the rest of her life. But as time goes on, and as she becomes friends with Ben, that belief gradually changes. word count: 5.7k warnings: mentions of abuse (i don’t go into detail); there’s also a bit where she has a panic attack but i don’t go into to much detail there either a/n: hello i meant to post this earlier but i got anxious and then i needed to focus on school bc of a paper and today tumblr is being a bitch, so. sorry lmao. hope you enjoy this tho!! ignore any typos and/or spelling mistakes 

AO3 link

chapter one: bad limp

Beverly Marsh doesn’t trust men – most of them, at least. The only men she does trust are her good friends: Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak, and Mike Hanlon.

She and Richie had grown up across the street from one another, and he was the only kid who adamantly stuck by her side through the hells of elementary, middle, and high school in their small town of Derry, Maine. They were both the outcasts there from the get go. A kid who was too talkative for his own good, a boy who came out proudly bisexual in middle school, a teen who couldn’t sit still for the life of him; paired with a kid who had bruises on her body everyday, a girl who learned men looked at her wrong at too young of an age, a teen who got slut shamed for very untrue rumors. Then college came, and the two hauled ass to New York City to go to college, sharing a shitty one bedroom apartment and working hellish hours to scrape by. They didn’t go to the same university, though; Richie went to NYU for four years in drama and then went a different route of standup comedy while Beverly went to a smaller college to get a cosmetology degree.

Those years, they met Eddie Kaspbrak and Mike Hanlon. Eddie was at the same college Beverly went to on way to become a Science teacher, and they both worked at a crappy coffee place. They got along extremely well and after a while she introduced him to Richie, the two beginning their marriage-like bickering instantly. It was no surprise to Beverly when they got together in their second year of college. The feisty young man complemented their duo extremely well from the get-go, officially making them into an inseparable trio in no time. Then comes in Mike Hanlon, a sweet boy who grew up on a farm and who was on his way to become the best veterinarian known to man. ("I'm not gonna be the best one, guys, chill." - "Well, we think you will be.") He was Eddie’s room mate and about the time Eddie and Richie started dating was when Mike got pulled in, making their group an even four. Beverly had been hesitant at the time. Her father and every man back home made her wary of how men and boys would be towards her, her own boyfriend no help to that thought process at all, but Mike was quick to prove her wrong. He didn’t stare at her as if she were a piece of meat – hell, he still doesn’t, and neither do the other two (for obvious reasons) – and he’s never anything but gentle.

And then there’s Tom.

How she ended up with a nearly carbon copy of her father as a boyfriend during college is beyond her. He looked harmless back then, Bev remembers; he charmed her way into her life, making her believe everything was fine, but then slowly started manipulating different situations and raising his hand at her and verbally threatening her. She should’ve gotten out of it sooner but something kept her there with the asshole; something kept her from telling her friends, coming up with lame excuses as to why another bruise had formed on her wrist.

Fast forward some years. The even four graduated – Tom, too – and Richie beings to work his ass off to get gigs and all for his stand up comedy career that hopefully won't flop, and Eddie’s searching for assistant teaching jobs, and Beverly is working at really nice hair salon that pays well, and Mike is in Veterinary School. And she’s still with Tom; her friends are starting to catch on, if they hadn’t before. A few more years down the line, Richie gets a big break (okay not that big, but it's a break nonetheless), and somehow becomes extremely popular among the teens after his tweet about his cute but angry chihuahua like boyfriend. Eddie has been an assistant teacher for a couple years now and getting ready to become just a regular teacher; and Mike’s out of Veterinary School, and Bev’s opening up her own salon after a two year business program at a community college. She’s still dating Tom.

Until she’s not. At 26, Beverly has had enough. After nearly seven or eight years of something she grew up enough with because of her father, she gains the courage to finally stand up again to her another abusive man in her life. The other three finally knew the entire truth and with their help and pep talks and comforting words and hugs, Beverly stands up for herself. She dumps Tom. A fight ensues. She acquired a few new bruises and he expects her still in their shared apartment when he comes home from work. But when he’s gone, through tears and cries, she packs up everything. Literally everything. And then she’s getting in the crappy Honda she’s had since her first year in college with all of her belongings and driving to Richie’s and Eddie’s house just a little bit away. They aren't there, though. Richie is on a mini tour for a month and to because it was the summer and to celebrate the fact someone hired him as an actual teacher for the upcoming school year, Eddie tagged along.

Beverly doesn’t trust men, and the full reason why hits her like a train as she sits in her best friend’s and his boyfriend’s home, alone and honestly a bit scared. It makes her sad thinking over how much she loves and trusts three guys with her life, but two harmful men and the disgusting, predatory looks from other men out weighs her best friends’ good intentions. As she sits there, suitcases haphazardly pushed into the living room and body sore, she wonders if she should go to the doctor. It’s only a few bruises and a busted lip, though. Eddie, if he knew, would be fussing over her and dragging her out of the house in an instant to get her checked on from worry – the opposite of what his mother did constantly to him as a child.

The redhead chuckles at the thought of the Kaspbrak fretting over her, but then a few tears are leaving her eyes and suddenly she’s crying again, and wanting to call one of her boys, but she can’t. She doesn’t want to. Not yet, anyway. Richie’s having too much fun, Eddie’s enjoying his break, Mike is already working, having a good time while doing so. They didn’t need to worry over her while they’re living their lives to the fullest.

A bark interrupts her thought process and she blinks, confused for a split second until she remembers Sid. A black lab with too much energy for her own good, just a little over a year old. Richie and Eddie had gotten Sid when she was four months old. They almost didn’t get her all because they weren't sure how often they'd get to spend with the puppy. Both are home more often than they thought, though still both of their jobs restrain them from spending the amount of time they want with the puppy - less often than they first thought, though. Thankfully, both Mike and Bev are available more often than not, Bev the most. They help take care of Sid when the couple can’t, which honestly isn't that much, and the adorable dog has somehow formed into everyone’s pet over time with how often they're all at the Tozier-Kaspbrak house.

Bev wipes under her eyes and cheeks, wincing at her palm pushes into the bruise on her cheek too hard, and makes her way through the house to the back door. She peers outside to the fenced backyard and sees Sid near the back, tail up and ears perked; on high alert. The dog probably heard something she didn't like, or maybe saw a squirrel. Beverly opens the door after she unlocks it, and one hand rests on the door frame.

“Sid!” She shouts to get the dogs attention. “C’mere, girl!” Sid yaps and runs to Beverly instantly, and the woman’s laughing a bit as she crouches down, the dog attacking her with licks. Beverly pets the dog in return and moves to sit on her butt. “Hey, girl. You missed me, huh? I was just here yesterday, though, before your dads left. You miss them, too? Hm, I bet. I do. Yeah, I do, and they miss you, no doubt about it. C’mon, hey- oof, let me stand up, girl. Sid- Okay, thank you. Hey, can you sit? I’ll give you treat! Good girl, let me take a picture.”

Beverly snaps a picture of Sid, the black lab’s tongue hanging out the side of her mouth as she pants, floppy ears forward and dark eyes wide. She quickly sends the picture to Eddie, paired with a text of heart and dog emojis and ‘she misses u!’. She then ushers Sid inside, brows furrowing when she thinks she sees the dog limping, but it was hard to tell. She quickly finds the dog treats in the kitchen pantry, and feeds Sid one right as she gets a reply from her friend.

[from: coffee buddy 11:49 am MNFK SHES SO CUTESJDK I MISS HER TOO GIVE HER LOVE SOME LOVE FOR US]

[to: coffee buddy 11:50 am i'll be sure to give her all the love dw ur pretty lil head]

[from: dipshit 11:52 am SID!!!!!!! THE CUTEST!!!!!!!!!! THANK U FOR UR SERVICE BEV]

[to: dipshit 11:52 am mwah ur welcome rich x]

She smiles at their reactions. It's cute and something she's seen a thousand times throughout the year they've had Sid. One time, she had watched and listened to Richie gush over Sid sleeping with her head in Eddie's lap, his boyfriend drifting off to sleep as well. Unfortunately, that memory ends with Tom calling her and demanding her home for the night, cutting the friends' fun night together short.

Beverly finds herself frowning at the memory and doesn't bother to keep track of Sid as she wanders throughout the house. The young woman stays in the kitchen, her mood coming back down. She brushes stands of her long hair out of her face, her features scrunching up in disgust. She hates it long. Hates the way it gets the way and how she always has to do something with it, always having to get tangles out at the ends. Tom loves her long hair though, and after some persuasion back in college, Beverly grew it out again and kept it at the same mid-back length. Her stomach churns with the realization her father liked her hair long, too. It was the reason she chopped it all off in the first place. Self-hate settles in her, and she can feel the tears coming back as she leans against the counter when her phone starts ringing again. She jumps. The irrational part of her brain is telling her that the caller is Tom, that he somehow found out that she left home while at work, and he's coming over to drag her back. The other part - the rational part - knows that can't be it.

With shaky hands, she pulls her phone back out. Relief floods through her at seeing the familiar number of one of her clients. She sighs and presses the green dot on the screen before putting it on speaker. It was Audra Phillips, a wonderful woman around her age that started coming to Beverly's own salon the moment it opened, always complimenting Bev's work and saying how the redhead should be a renowned stylist for hair, makeup and clothes. "Hi, Audra," she greets, hoping her voice doesn't give off the fact that she had been close to crying.

"Beverly, hi!" Audra greets, happy. If she can tell something is up, she doesn't say anything. "I was just wondering if we're still on for one today? It's just- I'm busy these next couple days and there's a court case Friday, and I really don't want to look like shit. The split ends are bad. And it's my first one, y'know?"

"Of course, yeah," Beverly does her best to sound up beat. "I was actually just about to leave to get everything ready." It's a lie, but the other woman doesn't need to know that. Until Audra called, Beverly's mind had completely pushed away her one o'clock appointment, too engrossed into the early morning fight with Tom and her leaving without his knowledge.

"Wonderful! You are a life saver, Marsh, I fucking love you."

A genuine smile reaches her lips. "It's truly no problem, Audra. I'll see you at one."

They hang up, and Beverly goes to the bathroom after fishing her makeup bag from one of her suitcases. She stares at herself, taken back by the appearance. The bruise on her cheek is worse than she thought, and she had dried blood she didn't know about on her chin from the cut on her lip. Her striking blue eyes are bloodshot and rimmed red from crying on and off throughout the morning, and her bright red hair was a bird's nest. She is a complete and utter mess, and she has no idea how to make it seem like she isn't. But she does her best for the next ten minutes; she covers up the bruise with ease, and does her make up to where the only indication of her crying are the bloodshot eyes. She tames her hair to the best of her ability and just throws it into a ponytail. She keeps what she's already wearing on - a tee from Disney World that she got a some years back when she and her three friends were all free of school - with light skinny jeans and converse. Then, she puts Sid back outside in the backyard, grabs her keys, makes sure the doors are all locks and that the lights are off, and finally leaves.

+++

"-and I've always wanted to start a fashion line. Or do something with fashion, and make up too, which is why I started that- that...what's the word? Oh, well, that thing where people can make appointments for getting their makeup and hair done for dates, or prom, or whatever - oh, a bundle! The two in one. Gosh, I'm the owner and can't even fucking remember these things correctly," Beverly says, wincing as she remembers that she's talking to a customer. "Sorry for my language."

Audra chuckles from where she sits directly in front of Beverly, the woman behind her snipping away at her now wet hair. "You know I don't care about your language, Bev, keep on with it. And don't down talk yourself, sweetie, everyone forgets things."

They meet eyes in the mirror and share a smile. Audra has been at the salon for some time now. Beverly washed the other woman's hair before actually starting to cut it, per Audra's request. During that time they had conversed about a million and one things, leaving one conversation to go to another only to jump back to a topic that had long since been forgotten when one of them remembered something else. It was nice, Beverly had to admit. It was getting her mind off of that morning.

"Would you add fashion if you could? To the bundle - making a three in one deal."

Beverly's brows knit together as she thinks about it. Then, "Most likely. I think it would be hard to do, though. I don't think fashion is one of my strong suits, and... I dunno, the makeup deal probably won't last too much longer and I doubt the fashion thing would, either."

Audra snorts with a roll of her eyes. "You are one of the most talented women I know with all of this," she tells Beverly, hands moving under the cape. "I've never been disappointed once, and the make up you do for the prom and special events are fucking fantastic! Your fashion sense is off the charts when you dress up; hell, even when you dress down. You have the potential to do all three, Bev. What's holding you back?" The question is quieter, filled with so much care; and her other words are full of sincerity. It has Beverly faltering her movements.

She licks her lips. She knows what's holding her back. "Tom," she says simply as she quickly goes back to doing Audra's hair, and she hopes it doesn't sound as bitter and fearful as it felt. "He's always been supportive of this - of the hair salon - but he's always...apprehensive about the makeup. And then about the fashion, he's just so against it."

"What do men know?" Audra asks. "And what does Tom even do?"

"He works at some small business. A financial analysis."

"He's just jealous. Scared, maybe, of you turning out better than him. God, men are so...ugh."

"There are a few decent ones out there," Beverly says, thinking of her friends. A large smile tugs at her lips. "My best friends. Richie's annoying as all fuck, but he's genuinely caring when he wants to be. Usually to his boyfriend, and me. We grew up together, so we're basically siblings. Then there's Eddie - Richie's boyfriend. A damn firecracker. A bit crazy. A mother hen, at times. Oh, and Mike! He's probably the most genuine, nice guy I know. He's over six feet, and Rich calls him a gentle giant. I'd call him the perfect guy, but he loves pranks, and he and Rich get into a prank war three times a year and they drag Eddie and me into them too. They're not perfect - not by a long shot - but they're the most decent guys I know. I doubt there's any 'perfect guy'."

Audra's quiet for a moment. "I'm surprised you didn't put Tom in there."

Beverly's jaw clenches for a moment. "Why would I put my ex in a list of good men?" She says in a casual way and hopes that it doesn't cause dramatic reactions from those around her. It does. Her regulars and few employees know of her and Tom. It was clear no one likes him, and Bev knows that maybe they figured out something had been wrong about the relationship, but she always painted Tom as a good guy to others despite the bruises littering her skin and his harsh words towards her even in public. Audra's jaw drops and Beverly stops snipping the hair and moved her arms to her sides just in time as Audra turned around, and she sets the scissors on a flat surface. A gasp is heard across the building, and Bev turns her head to see her good friend and employee, Kay McCall, standing a few chairs away, getting ready for another customer.

"Did he dump you?" Audra asks, almost sounding hesitant to do so.

Beverly looked back at her, and then at Kay who is walking over at the speed of lightning. "I... Actually, I dumped him," she says slowly. "This morning." It almost feels wrong telling the girls first instead of her best friends first, but there's a sense of relief that comes with telling someone and Bev figures that the boys won't mind.

Kay squeals and pulls Beverly into a tight hug. "Oh, my god, I thought you'd never get rid of that ass!" She pauses and pulls away, keeping her hands on her friend's shoulders. A serious yet excited expression sits on her face. "I know it's no surprise I don't like him, okay, I'm sorry. I know you loved him too but, babe, that boy was a total whack job! He gave me the fucking creeps!"

Audra is nodding along. "I wanted to say something, but we're not that close, y'know? And I didn't wanna piss you off accidentally."

"I honestly thought you were gonna end up marrying him. It was, like, my worst fear the longest time," Kay admits. Her hands finally leave Beverly's shoulders.

"Mine too." Beverly takes in their looks, and she wants to take the words back but it's too late. She doesn't want to tell them what he's done, it's too early and too fresh to tell someone out right, so she doesn't. "I stopped loving him, is all," she lies. But, it's not really a lie. "I felt obligated to stay in the relationship, I guess. Probably a bit scared, too, because we've been together since the end of my second year of college. I finally just ripped off the band-aid this morning."

Audra smiles softly. "Long ones are the hardest to end."

Kay nods in agreement. "Yeah. Hey, I've got a pullout at my apartment if you need a place to stay. I know you two were living together."

Beverly shakes her head. "Thanks, but I'm good for now. Rich and Eddie are out of the city for a month, and I'm already visiting there to dog sit. Might as well house sit, too. I'll call if I decide to take you up on that offer, though."

They share a few more words - not much at all, though - and soon Beverly is back to Audra's hair, and Kay is walking up front where a new customer is stepping in. She licks lips, feeling how chapped they are, and her nose scrunches the slightest bit as her tongue went over the cut. She had forgotten about it, and at remembering it she is grateful that neither Audra nor Kay asked about it. She doesn't know what she would have come up with if they did.

+++

The rest of the day consisted of Beverly having a few more customers, going to the grocery store because she knows for a fact that Richie and Eddie have zero food at their house, walking around fearful, and finally getting to the Tozier-Kaspbrak residence with the sun completely gone because apparently shopping and driving takes a lot longer than she realizes. She keeps the doors locked and lets Sid roam around as she puts up the groceries - she was right, they had no food - and later feeds Sid, noticing that the limp she thought she saw that morning is, in fact, a limp and it looked the slightest bit worse. After dinner, and after letting Sid outside for a few minutes to use the bathroom, Beverly's phone starts to ring and ring, and ping continuously, messages and missed calls from Tom keeping the device occupied. She waits, but the messages and calls come in nearly every second. Every minute. She wants to call someone - Mike, Richie, Kay, Eddie, anyone but Tom - but she can't pick up the phone, because that means looking at her messages. She knows it's not going to happen, but that doesn't stop her from feeling as if even if she touched the phone Tom would find out where she is like some telepathic demon from Hell.

It's not until she's hearing her own wheezing when it dawns on her that she's having a panic attack over the stupid fucking calls and text messages, curling in on herself against one of the kitchen walls, cheeks wet and make up smudged because of her tears. She hasn't had one in years, not since her first year in college, which is a surprise in and of itself given who she's been dating. Her mind struggles to grasp at what to do - its been eight years - but once she remembers, Beverly does her best to do it. It takes time, much longer than she would like to admit, but she soon calms down. Her hands stop shaking, and her cheeks are starting to dry, and her phone is silent too. Sid is laying a few feet away, staring. Worried. Beverly sniffles. Shakily, she stands and the young dog moves her head up in a flash, eyes trained on Beverly as the young woman moves across the kitchen. Sid then quickly gets up and limps to where she's right beside Bev.

Her eyes squeeze shut as she unlocks her phone to avoid looking at the missed calls and unread texts, and it makes her want to throw up as she does it but she blocks Tom's number, erases the messages and makes the missed calls notifications go away.

Then, she's going to bed in the guest room, exhausted. Sid is at her feet in the bed when she's supposed to be in her bog bed and kennel, but Beverly doesn't care. Rich and Eddie don't have to know, anyway. She's too relaxed. She feels too safe with Sid there. So, she lets Sid stay there, eventually falling asleep.

+++

It's halfway through the morning when Beverly notices Sid is heavily favoring her right front leg as she plays without a care in the world in the backyard. It concerns her, worries her, so she calls the nearest vet and places an appointment at two - and coincidentally, it's the one Mike works at. She doesn't call her two best friends yet, not wanting to worry them in case nothing is wrong. She doesn't go into work. She doesn't want to, simply put, so she doesn't. She's the owner, anyway, and goes in whenever she pleases; the fact that she had no one specifically ask for her on that day was another reason Bev doesn't go in, and she knows the employees can handle themselves. She takes a nice, warm, long shower and brings Sid inside around noon. Then she has lunch, and as the time for Sid's appointment rolls closer, she changes into Nike shorts and the same t-shirt she wore the day before, uncaring of who saw her in it yesterday. She's still emotionally drained from the night before, so it surprises her that she didn't walk out in sweats and a hole-y shirt.

The drive to the vet is fine. Sid stays in the backseat, constantly moving into different positions and standing to look between the front seats, even though her front leg is probably hurting her. Upon reaching the vet clinic, the hope of seeing Mike rises, and she gets out with Sid quickly, locking her car, and then goes inside. It’s not long at all until she’s sitting in one of the back rooms waiting for someone to come in and check on Sid. Not too soon later, the door is opening and she’s hoping it’s Mike, but it’s not. She tries not to look too disappointed, though it wasn’t hard at all given as the guy who walks in is attractive.

She blinks, taking in the dirty blond hair and soft brown eyes; he’s tall, too – about Richie’s or Mike’s height – and at first Beverly, admittedly, tensed up. Here’s a guy who she doesn’t know and therefore doesn’t trust, and her first thought is that he’s going to say something her. To try and flirt. To seem as if he’s this perfect dude trying to win Bev over for a hookup. But then he’s giving her a warm smile before crouching down to Sid who’s jumping in excited at seeing a new person, and she suddenly feels bad for jumping to conclusions.

“Hey,” the guy laughs as Sid licks his face. “You’re a friendly one, aren’t you? Who’ve we got here today?” He’s then looking at Bev and standing up.

Beverly twists the leash in her hands. “That’s Sid. Um, she has a bad limp, and I just got worried.”

He nods and looks back down to the dog, who’s now laying on the floor at his feet, panting as she stares up at him. “Yeah, I noticed it when I walked in. It’s pretty significant. If you don’t mind, I’ll take her to weigh her out there. We’ll be right back.”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s fine, do what you gotta do,” she says. “I’ve never been to a vet before. Sid’s not mine, she’s my friend’s. I’m just dog sitting while he and his boyfriend are outta town. I figured I should bring her myself in case something is actually seriously wrong.”

He smiles as he slips the vet’s leash on Sid with ease, and unclasps the other off of her collar. “That's nice of you to do.”

“I'd do anything for my friends.” Beverly sets the leash in her lap, giving a tiny smile. “She pulls a lot, by the way. Just a warning,” she tells the man.

He nods. “It’s fine. Be back in a jiff,” he tells her and then he’s out of the room with Sid, the dog excitedly walking and pulling. Beverly chuckles and leans back in the chair, blue eyes looking at the framed picture on the wall. It’s an illustration of different types of dogs and their names and where they originally came from.

She’s about to stand up to get a better look when the guy and Sid come back in. He walks the dog to her and lets her reattach the leash before removing the vet’s leash. “How much does she weigh?” Bev asks, curious, frowning at how Sid is favoring her leg.

“Thirty pounds,” he says.

“That’s good, right?”

He nods. “Yes, it is. Female labs usually get up to between twenty-five and thirty-two.”

Bev smiles and pets Sid. “Well, you’re a healthy girl, huh? Other than your leg.” She looks up at the guy, and he’s already looking at her with an expression she can’t read. Its similar to the one Richie gives her once in a while when he’s in a particularly loving mood towards everyone; but there’s something about this guy’s expression that’s so different from it at the same time. There’s no lust, no want, no desire. Almost admiration, if she has to label it. It’s a look she’s not used to, to say the least, and she has to look away and back down to Sid. “So, are you going to check her out, or is there some big shot vet doc that has to come in?” She asks. “Dr. Doolittle, maybe?”

He seems to jolt back into reality at the question, and if Bev were to look up she would see his cheeks reddening. “Huh- oh, yeah. I’m just- just an intern here, trying to get my foot in the door before I finally become a veterinarian myself. No Dr. Doolittle, though.”

Beverly chuckles and looks up. “Shame. I’d pay some real money to have Dr. Doolittle here.”

He smiles, still blushing a little. “I’d pay to be Dr. Doolittle.” Then, “I’ll go get the ‘big shot vet doc’.” He uses air quotes as he uses the words Beverly had said moments before, chuckling lightly as she rolls her eyes with no malice behind the action.

“Alright. Oh- hey, uh,” she hesitates, “I’m Beverly Marsh, by the way. I should’ve introduced myself sooner. Sorry.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. I’m Ben Hanscom. I’ll be right back with the doctor, Beverly.”

As he leaves, she can’t help but feel a bit embarrassed about just introducing herself like that so abruptly, but she pushes the feeling away. A few minutes later, the guy – Ben, and she can’t help but think how well the name suits him – walks in with the doctor. They check on Sid, have her walk around for a few seconds, and then the doctor is explaining that nothing seems wrong.

“There isn’t any swelling or cuts or broken bones, so it’s probably just a bad sprain. Nothing too bad, thankfully, but you’ll have to restrict how much she plays for it to get better. I’ll prescribe her some pain medication that you’ll give her once a day for seven days. If it’s not better by this day next week, I suggest bringing her back. It’ll most likely require surgery if that’s the case.”

Beverly nods along to the words and takes the information in, planning on calling Richie once she leaves to explain everything to him. After that, both the doctor and Ben are leaving again, Ben coming back five minutes later with a small, blue pill bottle.

“Give her one forth of these everyday, and it should help,” Ben tells her as he hands the bottle to her. “I hope she gets better. She’s such a sweetheart.”

Beverly stands and holds the pill bottle with one hand, and Sid’s leash with the other. “Me too. Thank you, by the way.”

He sheepishly smiles and shrugs. “I barely did a thing. It’s all the doctor.”

She chuckles. “Well, thank her too for me. Hey, do you know a Mike Hanlon?”

He nods quickly. “Yeah, he’s another intern for one of the other doctors here.”

“Is he here?”

“Yeah. But he’s helping with a surgery on a sick cat. Why?”

She shrugs. “He’s one of my friends. I was expecting to see him, is all.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

Beverly frowns but then smiles, shaking her head as she gets ready to leave. “You’re not a disappointment, Ben. You seem like a cool guy, and it was nice meeting you.”

He’s then giving her another warm smile, and he’s blushing again. “Thanks. It was nice to meet you, too. And Sid, of course.”

Beverly then says a bye with a smile of her own and she walks out of the back room, and to the front. She pays, not minding having to, and walks out with her phone pressed to ear as she calls Richie, explaining what’s wrong and what’s happening with Sid as she drives home. She doesn’t mention the breakup or Ben just yet. She doesn’t want to think about either too much, and telling her best friend about both would require just that. So, she doesn’t. Richie doesn’t ask, either, because one: he avoids the topic of Tom as well because it just puts him in a pissy mood for the rest of the day and he can’t be in a pissy mood during a gig, and two: Beverly have no indication about the guy who helped out at the vet clinic being attractive in any way.

She sighs as she falls into the couch after giving Sid the correct amount of medicine, turning on the TV, pushing any thoughts about men out of her mind as she watches a rerun of an old 90s show.

[motleycrueimagine]

This Ain’t a Love Song - Part Five - Nikki Sixx Fan Fiction

Words count:   2266

Warnings: Language, drrug use

N/A: Okay so i’m not a huge  fan of this chapter, I tried to re.-rwite this a million times but it was still not looking as I had pictured it. I hope you still like it, i can’t wai to go on posting, I have so many ideas for this story. I let you red now, as always taglist is open and feedbacks are really appreciated. xx

Huge thanks to @blonde-shamrock

Summary:

Maya Prescott has done anything possible to fix her life. It was 1977 when she left her groupie life: no more parties, no more concerts, no more drugs, alcohol or casual sex, just to achieve a full standard life. Now it’s 1981 and after a four years disappearance  Maya Prescott unexpectedly shows up to the party of one of the most promising emerging bands of the LA’s rock’n roll scene: Motley Crue. But what should be her last ride is destined to change her life in so many unexpected ways.  

TagList: @motleycrueee  @babygal-babygal@unknownoblivion @sweetshutter

Masterlist

12 December 1981

Music was high and so was I. It was one in the morning and I was working my shift at the club. It was half empty; there weren’t many people around Christmas time, because Christmas made family men feel guilty about spending their free time in a strip club. They felt guilty telling their wives that they were at a business meeting while they were actually here drooling on beautiful young bodies.

“Princesa, can you take some shots to the girls in the privé?” Anita asked me with her super Latino accent. She was amazing, and one of my best friends. She was the one that offered me this job, since the other bar girl was convicted for taking part in drug trafficking.

“Sure, baby.” I filled the shot glasses and brought ‘em in the back of the building were the staffroom was. “Okay girls, here is Ruby’s tequila, whiskey for Molly, rum for Brittany and Britney, vodka the rest of you gurls…” I handed the shot glasses to all the girls that were working in the privé and then kept one for myself.

“Honey I still don’t get why you’re still working as bartender and not on the stage with us,” Andrea said while leaning the empty glass back on the tray. I gave her a side eye while fixing my bra-top in front of the mirror.

“Because I could not stand freaks that stare at me all night long, and I would definitely break too many hearts.” The truth was a bit different but she did not need to know it.  

“Now that you’re drunk, your tits are up and the makeup is done, go make some money.” I gave Ruby a gentle spank before going back to the bar.

“Mi amor! Can you go grab a box of Jack?” Anita asked me, she was in a hurry as she was serving an unusual quantity of customers. I didn’t reply, I just went and grabbed a box of it from the warehouse, going back to help her. There was a little crowd of people, boys and girls that seemed already pretty euphoric and drunk.

“What can I offer you guys?” I asked emptying the box on the counter.

“Three bottles of Jack, and maybe a blowjob?” I looked up at the guy, he had a drunk smile on his face.

“For the Jack I can satisfy you right now, for the blowjob, I’m afraid that you’ll have to wait till the end of my shift.” I smiled. Having to deal with people like that was part of the job.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! The shot girl gives blowjobs? I want one too!” And as I heard that voice, I knew that karma was against me. Again.

“I blew you once already, Vince… You know I don’t like to repeat myself.” I was just as surprised as he looked. I was also surprised that he remembered who I was. The other guy laughed while bringing his three bottles and then he went away.

“Well, hello there,” he smiled with his typical bad boy attitude. He leaned his elbow on the counter and rested his hands on-top of each other. “Let me say I’m kinda surprised to see you here,” he seemed to chuckle, “Where’s Hannah?”

“In jail.” I answered nonchalantly, “What brings the Motley squad over here?” I asked, taking his same position with the elbow on the counter.

“Obviously my birthday.” Nikki’s voice joined the conversation, he mimicked both of us. “Were you telling each other secrets?” His omnipresent sarcastic grin appeared.

“Oh Mr Sixx is getting older,” I started with a wide smile, “I should end my shift soon, if you’re still here I’ll join you guys for a drink.” Nikki got back standing straight, giving me a look as if he was inspecting me. “Are you checking if I’m cool enough to hang out with you guys?” I asked then as if I was challenging him.

“Actually, I was checking if we were cool enough to hang out with you. You know we haven’t seen you in a while.” I opened my arms with a laugh “I’m a busy girl, honey.” And I really had been. Since the disaster in court I had worked my butt off to show to that fucking judge that I could take care of my child without any problem.

“Well busy girl, see you later then.” And after leaning over the counter to grab a bottle he left towards one of the tables to enjoy the girls dancing on the stage.

—

It was three in the morning and still I wasn’t done with my tasks. I was in the back listening to a mix tape that one customer had recorded for one of our strippers: it was a compilation of the best 70’s songs, and right now Brain Damage was playing softly while I was drying out some of the glasses.

“And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon,” I was singing along absent-mindedly.

The music and the repetitive sound of the prehistoric dishwasher washing the last batch of glasses prevented me from hearing the steps that came across the door behind me.

“You raise the blade, you make the change, you re-arrange me’ till I’m sane, you lo-“

“Let me say that singing isn’t exactly your forte.” I jumped in my place as a voice broke in the room, causing me to drop a glass out of scare. Pieces of glass scattered all over the floor.

“Shit! Nikki, don’t you dare doing it again!” I warned him as he chuckled at my reaction.

“Doing what?” He asked walking calmly towards me and leaning his lower back on the counter.

“Not announcing your presence when entering a room.” I specified while picking up the glass pieces. “You scared the fuck out of me,” I kept going, “And you made me break a glass,” I complained while a shard cut my finger. “Oh amazing…” my rant continued. Nikki was still looking at me with an amused grin on his face.

“Why are you having a meltdown over a glass?” he questioned me quietly. I stood going towards the sink to wash my fresh cut. I huffed at his question.

“I’m not having a meltdown. I’m just tired and I need a drink.” I mumbled while water was washing out my blood.

“And a fuck…” he added enjoying my glare… if only looks could kill….

“With you? Surely not. But thanks for the offer, I know you would gladly sacrifice yourself but I’ll pass.” I turned off the tap and dried my hands with paper.

“C’mon you hurt me last time… You fucking fell asleep, that’s not fair!” He protested keeping the conversation on a sarcastic vibe. I got closer to him.

“Poor baby… But now that I think about it the one who left me alone in your room when we were just about to fuck it’s you.” I let him notice with an eloquent glare.

“That’s an insignificant detail.” He mumbled encircling my hips. We were too close for my taste “Plus today is my birthday.” I smiled back as I felt his hands moving from my hips to the back of my bare thighs.

“It was yesterday. But I guess you’re still expecting a gift.” I completed his sentence while his hands ran up to my ass. I stretched my arms over his shoulders “With such a short notice I couldn’t find anything more suitable.” He looked confused when noticed that the reason why I had embraced him was because I wanted to open the cabinet behind his head. I took a tin can from it, with the word “TIPS” written on with a black marker. Once I had opened it, between wrinkled money and coins, I drew a small plastic bag filled with the precious white dust. I waved it in front of his face.

“Powdered sugar for the birthday cake,” I jokingly said while abandoning the can on the counter behind him.

“I think I just caught a nasty girl here.” He squeezed my butt with an enigmatic smile, before letting me free to move to align lines on the metallic counter.

“Just, don’t tell the boys they would be jealous and I would have the duty to offer them some too,” I stated before looking at me “Credit card?” I asked waiting with my hand palm facing up.

“I thought you weren’t doing drugs anymore.” Nikki opened up his wallet handing me a brand-new card.

“Well I’m afraid that I would not be able to handle all my shifts without this,” I explained while starting to prepare the rails.

The last period my life had been more than frantic: I kept working at the music shop as always, but I had also covered Hannah’s shifts here at the club, and every now and then I helped in a restaurant downtown. I was trying to raise money to be able to pay a decent photoshoot in order to get auditions in the modelling industry. You could be the prettiest but if you had bad photos it would be almost impossible to get a real paid job. To have good photos you had to have a good photographer and they were really expensive…

Nikki shrugged “It will be our secret then.” I went first blowing a whole rail by covering my right nostril. I sniffed up one or two times while picking up with my index finger the coke that had remained on the surface to let it dissolve on my tongue.

“Ladies first.” I stated before letting Nikki the access to the blow. Hot Stuff started playing in the background and I started dancing to it while putting the bag of coke in my pocket.

Nikki took my hand and finally we joined the guys to the party.

—

The sun was rising in front of us, I was laying with my back on the sand - I don’t know how but we had ended up in Santa Monica. I was laughing out loud because Nikki had engaged and already lost argument with Mick.

“Yeah keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there, kid.” I already loved that freaking men. After killing the bassist with words Mick stood up and left towards an unknown destination.

I was crying; Nikki was sulking.

“Oh c’mon you were already fucked when you started,” It was my attempt to console him, but instead I started laughing again, hiding my face on his shoulder.

“Yeah keep laughing Maya you’re really supportive.” I shook my head try to recompose myself. I leaned my arm onto his chest, trying to reach the pack of cigarettes that was resting in his left hand, he moved it away from my fingers.

“Hey!” I protested stretching my arm a little more over him to reach my desired nicotine.

“You laughed at me; you lost the right to share this with me.” I raised my brow. “Are we five years old now?” I asked temporarily giving up on my attempt.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged putting the pack in his pants pocket, “Maybe if you were nicer to me I could consider the option of giving you a cigarette.” I rolled my eyes pointing my elbows on the sand. He turned his head to look at me.

“Haven’t I been nice to you? I gave you free blow, you should show a little appreciation for that.” I remarked while putting a little distance between us. Nikki pinched my side playfully causing me to giggle, “Seriously?” I asked amused while raising my brow.

He pulled me closer again “Can you shut up for a while?” Nikki demanded; an annoyed puff left my lips.

“I’d be silent and nice if you gave me a cigarette.” The bassist ignored me completely, crossing his left arm behind his head and closed his eyes. Great. He was falling asleep without giving me the object of my desire just as I had done last time when we were together. So, I was there silent and carving for some smoke, I did what I would have usually done - that is, take what I wanted myself. My hand slid across his chest lightly. I looked up - he seemed dozed off so I kept going gently reaching his pants and the pocket where the pack of cigarettes was hidden and took it.

“How comes that you always end up with your hands in my pants, but you never do what you are supposed to?” Nikki’s eyes were now open and chained to mine.

“How comes that all you can think about when I’m around are sexual things?” I teased him while taking a cigarette and lighting it.

“It must be for that beautiful lips, I can’t help but wonder how they would perfectly…” “Get a fucking room!” Vince yelled at us. He was sitting about ten feet from us, hugging a girl I had just found out was actually his wife.

I raised my middle finger towards the blonde while still looking at Nikki “Keep dreaming Sixx, it is not going to happen.” Then I got up from the sand, brushing my hands over my pants to get rid of the grains. “Well, it was nice till it lasted. I have to get back home and get ready to work.” And together we all left a few minutes later heading back to the city.

[xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx]

His Smile Will Keep You Safe - Chapter Three

Warnings: harassment, mention of depression

Word Count: 5 834

You were torn out of your peaceful slumber when the bus skipped to a halt. The sudden absence of the motor vibration had woken you up, and sleepily you rubbed your eyes. Out of the small window by your bed, you saw that you had parked next to a house, and curiously you poked your head out of your bunk bed.

“Back under the living, sleepyhead,” Dallon joked, throwing a backpack over his shoulder.

“Where are we,” you asked, sitting up properly, and dangling your feet out of the bed.

“Phoenix. Now grab your night bag and let’s check into the hotel.”

And with these words he disappeared out of the bed department of the bus.

Quickly you threw your pyjama and your hygiene products into a small bag, which you had stuffed into your suitcase the day before, and followed the bassist.

Outside of the bus the air was blazing hot. The bus had parked at the side of a huge building, in what looked like a backstreet, or some sort of backyard. Just in time you spotted Lisa walking through a door, and hurried after the young woman.

Stepping through the inconspicuous door, you were once again hit with air conditioning. Even though outside the colour of the light suggested that the sun was close to setting, in here the corridors were ignited with bright lights.

Following the sound of the footsteps in front of you, you finally reached a small lobby. A couple of couches were standing by the windows, and a middle aged man was talking to Lucas, who seemed to be checking everyone in.

Slowly you walked over to Lisa, who was standing by a window, and looked out into the street. Cars were driving by, carrying dust into the air. The few people on the street were dressed in short trousers matched with t-shirts, and most women were wearing dresses.

Turning back around to the room, you noticed that Luis and Charlie were sitting huddled together on one of the sofas, holding a map. Probably they were deciding what to do until the show tomorrow. Dallon and Ryan were leaning against a door frame, Dallon still carrying his backpack, while Ryan had placed his between his feet. Lars was standing in a corner, mobile in hand, and punched the keys in an almost aggressive manner, while Bill had plucked in his headphones, and seemed not to notice anyone else.

Just when you were about to ask Lisa where Jay was, you saw him pacing up and down outside, pressing his own mobile to his ear. He looked distressed, occasionally reaching into his hair and tucking on the dread locks.

“Do you think he’s calling his girlfriend,” Lisa asked.

Her voice was quiet, and while she mostly sounded sad, you also heard the underlying jealousy.

“Does he have one,” you retorted.

Honestly, you did not feel in the mood to get pulled into other people’s problems with their love life, but then again, maybe you would need someone to talk about Lars earlier or later, and then you could ask her this favour.

“Don’t know,” she replied, keeping her eyes fixed on the spot where Jay had disappeared out of her view.

“It’s probably just his mum, don’t worry,” you tried to comfort her, “or his grandma. You know how grandmas can be.”

Lisa nodded and turned around to face the room again, and you copied her movements.

“So, did you take a nap,” she asked, trying to do small talk.

“Yeah. Everything is pretty exciting,” you explained, preferring not to mention that another reason for your quick tiring was the never entirely healed depression, which you still dragged around with you.

“I know, right? The first days I’m always super tired,” Lisa agreed, and you were glad that she did not think it was weird, “But soon the routine will kick in, and you’ll get used to all this.”

“I hope so,” you nodded, and just in that moment Lucas turned around to the group.

“So, we have three rooms,” he announced, “Two four beds rooms, and one two beds room. I’d suggest you girls take the two beds room, and the rest of us share the other two rooms.”

Since nobody disagreed, Lucas handed Lisa a pair of keys, and together the two of you made your way up into the third floor, where your room was located. Secretly you were glad that you got to share a room with her. Apart from the fact that you had talked most to her out of all the members, you seriously did not want to have to share a room with Lars.

The room which Lisa unlocked for the two of you was small, but cosy. To the left there was a door that led to a tiny bathroom, which just about fitted a shower, a sink and a toilet. The rest of the room contained two beds, one on either side, a small wardrobe opposite the bathroom door, and two bedside tables.

“Which bed do you want,” you asked.

“I don’t care, whatever you prefer,” Lisa answered, peeking into the bathroom.

“Then I’ll take the bed on the right,” you decided and threw your backpack on the matrass, sitting down next to it.

A strange feeling washed over you. This morning you had still taken a shower at home, in your own, familiar flat, and now you were hundreds of miles away, in a city you had never seen before, sharing a hotel room with a woman you had just met yesterday. With a sense of wonder you realized that a hundred years ago such a trip would have taken days, if not weeks, and now it was possible to travel this far in under a day.

Lisa went to take a shower, and you stretched out on your bed, pulling out your mobile. Yesterday you had only left your parents a short message, telling them what kind of offer you had gotten, so of course there were several missed calls from them.

You felt your heart grow in your chest as you saw these calls. For some reason you missed them all of a sudden. Admittedly, you were in your twenties, but this was new and strange, and your parents had always provided such safety to you, that it almost felt dangerous not to have them join you on this trip. Pushing aside this thought, you pressed their number, and called them back, to explain what had happened since yesterday morning.

You had just finished your call, when Lisa emerged back out of the bathroom, and with her a cloud of rose scented, moist air. Her face was red from scrubbing it, and her blonde curls were hanging down on her shoulders in wet strands. She had dressed into a white dress with flowers, and all of a sudden you felt rather clumsy in your own body, being dressed in simple shorts and a blue shirt.

A knock on the door made you peek up, and since Lisa was busy reapplying her make-up, you went to see who it was. Outside Charlie was standing, his hands shoved into his pockets up to his wrists, and he looked nervous until you opened up, as if he had been uncertain if he had knocked on the right door.

“We wanted to go out for dinner, would you guys like to join,” the bassist asked.

For a split second you would have answered with something along the lines of “Only if Lars isn’t coming” but you bit your tongue.

“Sure, why not,” you grinned, looking forward to getting to know everyone better.

“Lucas and Bill, and probably light guy will be staying here, but Lucas said, you should bring your camera, to, you know, document the tour and all,” Charlie said, “What about Lisa, she coming too?”

You turned around to take a look into the bathroom where she was almost done applying her make up. When she saw you looking at her, she nodded eagerly.

“Yup, we’re both in,” you replied, making Charlie smile.

“Great, we’re meeting downstairs in ten!”

You watched the musician turn around before you closed the door behind him. Somehow you almost feared Lisa would start asking you questions about her outfit, but she did not, so you used the time to freshen yourself up a little.

Ten minutes later, after you had fetched your camera from the bus, you arrived back in the lobby. Dallon was sitting on a sofa, his long legs stretched out into the room. Ryan was talking to Luis, and if you had to guess from their gestures, they were talking about drumming. Jay and Charlie were also talking, but when they noticed you entering, Jay stood up.

“I know a great place pretty close by,” he said, “they have all sorts of different foods, like burgers, pizza, pasta, salads, and they have cocktails. Just the perfect thing for this weather. What do you guys think?”

Since nobody had any better ideas, you followed the tall man out of the hotel onto the street. Lisa immediately hurried to catch up with him, so you were left on your own. On one hand you were nervous, as always when you got to know new people, but you were also excited to get to know all of them better.

Dallon and Ryan seemed to be having a more private conversation since you heard Dallon mention his kids, so you turned to see what Charlie and Luis were talking about. Sure enough they had just turned to you, and soon you were walking between the two men, hearing stories about their band, and what tours they had done so far.

From what you learned, it seemed that Luis was the kind of guy who wanted to be liked. He needed attention, and liked being the centre of it, and seemed generally like a joyful person, always ready to joke around. He showed you a tattoo on his upper arm where he had gotten his grandparents’ names inked into his skin, and explained the meaning of a few other ones. Luis was easy to talk to. He was quick in understanding, and never seemed to mind the little awkward stutters you sometimes did. Judging by what Charlie told about him, Luis was liked by everyone, and even though he often got on people’s nerves, everyone loved and defended him.

Charlie was a little more difficult to read, especially in the beginning. He was quiet, and preferred listening over talking, which made him the perfect match to Luis. Most of the time he nodded or just kept his eyes on the ground, but after a while he contributed more to the conversation. He told you how he had started playing the bass, and that he had studied IT in college. For some reason you could not help yourself to chuckle as he revealed this information, since if someone would have asked you to guess his favourite school subject, you would have answered exactly that. Charlie also told you about the different times Luis had been arrested, because cops had thought he would be dealing drugs.

“Never man, I’m straight edge,” Luis had laughed at your shocked expression, “I’ll never in my life touch drugs, not even to sell them!”

His exclamation made the three of you laugh, and happily you noticed how easy it was to have a good time with them. They were nice, smart, and understanding, even when it sometimes took you a while to find the right words.

It felt like barely five minutes had passed when Jay stopped in front of a restaurant. It was not big from the outside, but you heard many people talking. You waited until Ryan and Dallon had caught up with everyone, then you entered.

The smell that met your noses was delicious. Terracotta coloured walls and small cacti in plat pots made the place feel comfortable. Banjo music was playing out of well-hidden speakers, and even though most tables were already occupied, you quickly found a place by one of the windows.

You scooted in next to Charlie, and were followed by Ryan who shot you a friendly smile. Remembering how only a few hours ago he had gotten you out of the weird situation with Lars, you asked yourself if he was still wondering what had been going on.

It did not take long until the conversation picked up. You had imaged there to be at least two different groups, but much to your contentedness, the whole table was engaging in the same discussion. It started out with Dallon asking how many bands the others had already been in. Ryan had the highest count with over thirteen.

And then everyone started talking about the weirdest things that had happened to them on tour. Charlie and Jay repeated the stories of Luis being taken in by the police, Lisa told a story about how one of the bands she had toured with had forgotten their entire equipment once, and Dallon talked about the time he had spent touring with the band Panic! at the Disco, reminding you of how much you had listened to the first two albums as a teenager.

Even though you had no stories of your own to contribute, it was amazing to listen to everyone else’s. They laughed at your disbelieving stares, and your open mouth, and whenever anyone said something especially funny, the whole table erupted into loud laughter.

By the time the food, which all of you had ordered, arrived, you had almost forgotten that you knew none of these people longer than 48 hours. You felt comfortable in their company. Charlie had leant against the window, looking along the table, while his knee was pressing into yours. You were sitting very close to both him and Ryan, because Dallon had decided to squeeze into this booth as well. Now Ryan’s arm was pressing against yours, and your hips were touching, but neither of your minded.

On the other bench Lisa was sitting at the edge, Jay in the middle, and Luis had taken a position that resembled Charlie’s.

Remembering Lucas’ request to take some pictures, you took out the camera, and quickly shot a few photos before everyone started to dig into their delicious smelling food.

Several hours later, the bellies filled with lots of food and fruity cocktails for dessert, all seven of you were on your way back to the hotel. The laughter and the cheering about each other’s stories had calmed down, and instead you were quietly walking along. During dinner you had learned that Dallon had two children, the older one, a girl, had just turned eleven. He had proudly talked about them, and told many stories. Ryan too had shared stories, but his mostly centred around his cat and his dog.

Jay had stayed a little more silent about private matters, but when the question, who in the group was in a relationship, had been asked, he had mentioned that he was single. Of course this statement had caused Lisa and you to exchange meaningful looks.

When you reached the hotel, everyone bid their good nights, and shortly after you had dressed into your pyjama, back at your room, and you had fallen asleep on the soft pillow on your bed.

~*~

The following day was not especially exciting. Lucas insisted on everyone coming to the venue, where he and Bill started setting up the stage for the first show of the tour. Lars seemed to have decided to take care of the lights, as he was supposed to, and Lisa had started looking through and categorizing the merchandise that had been delivered directly to the venue.

Since you had nothing to do, and all the band members had settled down in the bus to relax, you grabbed your laptop and your camera, and settled down at one of the tables in the bar area of the club, and started looking through the pictures of the prior evening.

At first you copied all of the pictures onto your computer, then you deleted them off your memory card, so there was enough space on there for the evening. Saving the pictures in a folder with the date, you created a second folder which you named “edit”. Once more you copied all the pictures in there as well, then you started selecting which ones had turned out nicely.

Even as a professional photographer not every picture turned out good. Some were blurry, and since you were taking pictures of people, it was not always easy to catch one in which they did not accidently blink or have their mouth wide open. In the end you were left with about a dozen pictures, which you started editing.

Editing was, next to choosing the subject of your photograph and preparing the settings, your favourite part. It was amazing to see how toggling contrast, colours, brightness and other variables changed the entire feeling, which the picture conveyed. Concentrated on your work you barely noticed how time had passed, until suddenly Bill tapped your shoulder.

“Wow, these look amazing,” he marvelled, looking over your shoulder.

You could not help the smile that appeared on your lips at his compliment. Maybe you had not been on tours before, but you definitely knew how to take pictures.

“Thanks,” you grinned, looking up from your screen for the first time in hours.

“Hey, it’s almost time for doors, so you’ll need this.”

He handed you a backstage pass on which a long lace had been tied so you could put it comfortably around your neck. You have had these before, but usually ones made out of thin plastic or carton. This one here was as thick as a credit card, yet bendable; something that was supposed to last for two months.

“Don’t lose it, or you won’t be allowed on the bus,” Bill joked, making you laugh lightly, “Now let’s go, or do you want to be run over by all the fans?”

Both of you laughed again, and he helped you pick up your laptop, and carry it backstage into the small room where the bands were preparing for the show.

The “Three Beats” were already in their stage clothes, all of them wearing black trousers and shirts, a white jacket on top. Ryan and Dallon had not yet changed, but considering they still had about two hours until it was their turn, they still had plenty of time. You realized you had missed sound check, and when you mentioned it to Charlie, he chuckled.

“There are still plenty of sound checks, don’t worry,” he told you with a comforting smile.

Outside you heard the first fans being allowed into the venue. The chatter grew louder and louder, and at some point somebody turned on music for the growing audience. Actually knowing the bands that were about to play, you started noticing the change in atmosphere.

The opening band grew more and more fidgety with every passing minute, and even you started feeling nervous and excited. You realized that you had no clue what kind of music these bands were making, but now it was a little too late to grab some Spotify and look them up. Instead you did what you always did when you grew impatient; you started capturing the moment. Sitting crossed legged on a table you pointed your camera through the room, taking pictures.

There were Jay and Charlie who had started doing their vocal warm up. Luis was jumping around, kicking the air and punching invisible enemies to get his spirit up for the show. Ryan and Dallon on the other hand were calm, or at least looked like they were. They had settled down on one of the two sofas in the room, both engulfed in their own world. Sometimes Dallon’s fingers twitched a little, as if he was searching for chords on his bass, and Ryan’s feet were tapping the floor in quick rhythms as if he was practicing the songs they were about to play.

Suddenly the noise from outside increased, and Lucas entered the room.

“You guys ready,” he asked, turned to the opening band.

The three young men stepped next to each other and nodded; determination in their faces.

“Great! (y/n), are you going to take pictures of them going on stage, please,” he asked, and you too nodded, quickly slipping out of the room backstage, and into the noise of the chatting fans, who were eagerly waiting for the first band to come on.

You passed the security guard, who only took a short look at your backstage pass, then you started making your way through the crowd, and to the other side of the room to be able to take some pictures of the men when they were stepping on stage.

Some people, mostly young girls, were sitting on the floor; others were standing around aimlessly, or were singing random songs, mostly in a terribly off key melody. The lights dimmed and the music turned off, making everyone around you cheer.

Quickly you passed the last few meters to the spot you had chosen for now. The crowd was still cheering, and just in time you turned on your camera, and adjusted the settings, when Luis stepped on stage. He kept his head down and directly walked to the drum set that had been set up in the back centre of the stage. Even though his entrance was not very spectacular, you shot several pictures of him, before focusing on Charlie, who walked to the right side of the stage, where he picked up his bass that had been standing in front of a second drum set, probably Ryan’s. Charlie, too, kept his eyes locked to the floor, as if he was focusing really hard on not falling, but when he picked up his bass, he spotted you, and shot a quick smile your way, which you immediately captured.

It took a few more seconds for Jay to step on stage. What had Lisa told you on the bus yesterday? All the girls loved him? The reaction of the crowd definitely supported that statement, and you had to admit yourself, that out here on stage, wearing this confident, sassy smile, his black hair and dark skin contrasting so beautifully with the snow white of his jacket, the band that held his dread locks together being the only colourful spot on stage, he definitely looked attracting.

You shot a few pictures of him walking over to his guitar and his microphone, and waited until they started playing their first song, snapping a few more photos, then you started manoeuvring through the crowd. Whenever you found a good angle at the stage, you turned to shoot pictures. Not all of them would turn out great, you knew that. The dim light, the quickly changing spotlights, the fast movements of the musicians, all these things added up, and in the end only a handful of pictures would be good enough to edit. Once again you got lost in your work. Walking around, adjusting settings, shooting several pics, starting to walk around again.

You were so engulfed in your work that you did not even notice Jay announcing their last song, instead you were surprised when all of a sudden they walked off stage.

The lights stayed down, but the music got turned on again, so you quickly raced to the room backstage to take a couple of post-show photographs of the opening band. They were sweaty and happy, laughing ecstatically, and hugging each other. Ryan and Dallon watched grinning. They had both changed into their flower shirts, nervously bouncing on their heels.

After a few quick shots, you ran back out into the crowd, trying to find a good spot from where you could capture Ryan and Dallon walking on the stage. You noticed how you had started sweating. The air had been hot the entire day long, and the crowd radiated heat as well. That, plus your constant running around, had caused your skin to turn all sweaty, and your shirt started getting moist a little.

Concentrating back on finding the best spot, you found a whole in the crowd, right at the lighting console. Showing the security guard your pass, you climbed over the barricade and balanced yourself at the edge of the rostrum on which the console was standing.

“Are you paying me a visit?”

You would have almost fallen off the rostrum at the unexpected sound so close to your ear, and quickly you turned around, being faced with Lars. His lips were mere inches away from yours and hastily you leant away from him. How could you have forgotten that he was doing the lights?

“Just for the view,” you replied, looking back to the stage.

“Oh really? Because I could have bet it was because of me,” he shrugged.

“Trust me, it’s not because of you,” you hissed, still not looking at him.

For a few seconds there was silence and you almost allowed yourself to hope he would leave you alone, when he spoke up again.

“I always love you the most when you’re as sweaty and worked up as right now.”

The use of present tense sent an uncomfortable shiver down your spine. Turning around you stared him in the eyes. Without noticing, you had taken an aggressive stance. Your shoulders were straight, but slightly tilted to the front, your face expressionless, except for your eyes. These were shooting daggers at him.

“Leave me alone,” you told him, your voice low, but clear.

Luckily in just that moment Ryan stepped onto the stage, distracting Lars from you since he had to change the lights, and you took a couple of pictures of the drummer on his way to his drum set. As soon as he sat down, he started drumming an even rhythm, while Dallon followed him on stage.

You snapped multiple pictures until the singer had grabbed his bass, and started strumming the first chords, then you climbed back off the rostrum, and started your journey through the crowd once more. After a while, feeling like you had taken several good pictures of both band members, you started calming down. Finding a quiet corner with good view to the stage in the back, you started listening more to the music that got played.

The fans were singing along wholeheartedly, and even though it was hard to understand the lyrics, you found yourself nodding along to the beat, while you played around with your camera. Being a photographer had the advantage that you could zoom in on someone at any given time. While you noticed in the course of the evening, that Dallon had put on a strong stage persona, giving directions to the audience when to cheer and what to sing, Ryan seemed to be more like you knew him off stage. He sat at his drums, a huge smile plastered on his face, while he head banged to the music they were playing.

The longer you watched the drummer the more he seemed to enchant you. His hair fell into his eyes with every move forwards, and he had to shake it away with every time he sat back up. His eyes were squinted together because he was smiling so hard, and deep dimples were etched into his cheeks. It was obvious how much fun he was having, how much the audience singing back at them meant to him. Even here in the back it felt like waves of pure joy and happiness were radiating from the man drumming away his soul up there on the stage.

You found yourself thinking how you could not wait to see him play the next time, and a strange feeling of safety sparked in your chest. It felt as if all of a sudden you knew him so much better, as if the mere act of watching him play music he enjoyed was an intimate, personal confession between the two of you.

Out of nowhere the picture of him holding your hand while you were feeling down popped into your mind, and for a moment you were too confused by the image to notice Dallon, who had commanded the crowd to part. Quickly shaking of this strange, yet comforting thought of Ryan, you picked your camera back up and shot pictures of Dallon how he walked through the crowd, almost all of the people smaller than him, with expressions of admiration on their faces.

You marvelled at the way he was able to control the crowd. After having asked them politely, yet never taking off the mask of his stage persona, to not touch him, all of them kept their hands to themselves.

Only when Dallon climbed back onto the stage, you realized that for a good two minutes you had not paid any attention to Ryan, sparking a feeling of guilt in your chest. Why would you feel bad for not paying attention to Ryan for two minutes? You had spent at least ten minutes just watching him, without a thought of Dallon, why not the other way around as well?

Maybe it was because most of the people kept their eyes fixed on the bassist, but you felt that Ryan deserved an equal amount of attention. So if the others did not give it to him, you had to, and watching Dallon for too long felt like an act of betrayal.

It took you several seconds to understand the strangeness of these thoughts. Not only were you the photographer, it was your job to hang out with the band, but also was it ridiculous to think you staring at Ryan would make the lack of attention from the fans any better. Not to mention that he did not even know you had been watching him. Hell, you did not even know him, he did not know you! He had helped you up on the street once, like any other decent human would, and you had spent two days knowing each other’s names. Why were his emotions, why was he, so important all of a sudden?

You spent the rest of the show with these questions in the back of your head, trying to answer them for yourself, but you failed. Until the concert was over you only took a few more pictures, and when Dallon and Ryan had said their good byes on stage, and the fans started leaving the hall, you took a deep breath. These unexpected emotions, which Ryan’s performance had sparked, the rawness and realness of his joy, the passion while playing music, had confused you and you knew it would take a while for you to clear your head.

Secretly you had hoped for some calm after this roller-coaster of emotions, but unluckily Lucas did not allow this to you. Instead he started commanding Lars and Bill around, to clean up the stage. If you remembered correctly you had a long drive of almost eighteen hours ahead, so it was understandable that he wanted everyone to hurry up so you could get going as quickly as possible.

Since you could not be of much help you checked if you had packed everything, computer, cables, camera, charger and memory cards, then you hurried out to the bus, where the “Three Beats” were helping to carry instruments and technology into the trunk. Making sure you were out of the way, you leant against the side of the bus and started clicking through the pictures. You had taken several hundred snaps during the evening, many of them blurred, but as far as you could tell from the tiny screen, there were also a couple of very good ones, which you already looked forward to editing.

Slowly the hectic back-and-forth around you calmed down. Most of the things that needed to go into the trunk had been packed, and only Dallon and Ryan were missing now. Some of the fans had crowded around the exit of the venue in the hopes of meeting Ryan and Dallon on their way to the bus.

Feeling like this was something private to the fans which you had no right of documenting, you decided to climb on board of the bus instead. The opening band was sitting spread out over the sofa facing the door you walked through, Lisa and Lars were sitting on the other sofa, and through the open door to the driver’s cabin, you saw Bill type around on the navigation system, doubtlessly preparing to take off as soon as everyone was on board.

Walking past the other members of the crew, you made your way to the bunk beds, where you climbed into your bunk, and stored away your camera and the laptop that had still been lying on the blanket, at the end of your matrass. Usually you loved starting the editing the same evening, but you were tired now, and still confused about Ryan, so tomorrow would probably be early enough.

For a moment you wondered if you could take a shower, but you remembered what Jay had told you: if you don’t want to get sick, don’t shower on the bus. And in the venue there had not been enough time for you to take a shower, since the musicians had been a lot sweatier. So some wipes and deodorant would have to do for now.

You grabbed the bag with the things you needed and walked back into the direction where Dallon had just climbed on board, following Ryan. Both looked happy but tired, and the smiles on their faces faded slightly, as soon as Lucas, the last one to climb into the bus, closed the door.

“Let’s go,” he told Bill, poking his head into the cabin, and immediately the motor awoke to life.

Quickly you grabbed the handle to one of the bathrooms, to stay stable while the bus made a turn, and only slowly you grew used to the foreign feeling of standing in a moving vehicle. Since nobody made any attempts to strike up a conversation, you decided to continue the plan of refreshing yourself a little.

By the time you were done, the living area was almost empty. Only Luis and Charlie sat there, quietly talking. You wished them a good night, then you walked back to your bed, and climbed up. All the curtains were closed, except for the ones that belonged to Bill’s bed. Drawing your own curtains closed, your stored away your things properly, making sure they would not start sliding around if the bus moved abruptly. Then you cuddled into the blanket of your bunk bed, and closed your eyes. A wave of exhaustion broke in over you, and before you even had time to realize that this was your first night on a tour bus, you had fallen asleep.

Chapter Four