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romanarose · 1 month ago

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"If I'm Being Honest" Lie #1: "I don't like you."

An Omegaverse/romcom enemies to lovers idiots in love slowburn found family type shit. graphic design is my passion themed header is a little more intional this time but lord knows i can't edit XD

Alpha!Logan Howlett x fem!reader

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Summary: If Logan is being honest, he didn't like you. If you were being honest, you didn't either. But, if you were both being honest, you were exactly what you needed.

Warnings: Currently nothing? Will update as I go, but everyone's canon trauma is liable to be discussed.

A/n: I have built a reputation on here for series that are very serious, that deal with themes of severe depression, sexual assault, abuse, etc. I wanted to try my hand at something new, something lighthearted. the Omegaverse stuff won't have a HUGE part in it, it's just another aspect I wanted to add. As i wrote it, I realized it has a romcom vibe, so that's what I'm leaning into. I want to have fun with this! i write so much heavy stuff, a little change is nice. thank you so much to @xdaddysprincessxx for encouraging me to venture out, ily.

1.7k words

Reblogs are the only way to really spread works here, tumblr does not have an algorithm. Every single like is loved and appreciated, comments mean the whole world and keep me writing, but reblogs are how we share on here and create community.

Support artists, reblog works.

Multiple alternating POVs

***

If Logan was being honest, in the moment he just wanted to fuck you. Years later, to other more romantic types like Remy or Kurt, he would say it was love at first sight. He wouldn't say you were being a bit of a cunt, and the comment on his hair was unnecessary.

If you were being honest, wanted him to leave you alone, and were thankful he did. Later, to Remy and Kurt, you would say that you secretly wished he’d try again, although Logan wasn’t the type to linger where he wasn’t wanted. You say it was love at first sight, although if you were being honest, you thought his leather jacket was too wanna be James Dean, and his hair looked stupid.

When Logan saw you in that bar, the bit-too crowded one that was the only spot he could go to where they didn’t recognize him from the mutant school 50 miles away, he thought, Well, she’ll do.

Jean had chosen Scott, and Logan wasn’t going to just sit around the mansion moping all day. Even if he still harboured feelings, he wanted her to be happy, and frankly, he wanted Scott to be too. He wasn’t a bad guy, he was just married to the woman Logan loved. And was rather annoying. But again, not bad.

Logan just needed a nice, wet hole to sink into, and you were more than attractive enough for his tastes. Stunning, even, and just a little bit terrifying. You were a beta; he could smell the lack of alpha or omega pheromones, and you were devoid of either. All the better, omegas were so… clingy.

You, on the other hand, cursed yourself when you accidentally caught his eyes. Great. You think to yourself. Now he probably thinks you’re staring.

You weren’t! Not at that moment, anyway. If you were being honest, after he took the hint and went on his way, you did take a few glances for the ole spank bank. No harm no foul.

“Hey.” The man said as he leaned against the bar counter, and you snort through your nose.

“Really? That's the best you got?” You make a twirling motion with your finger. “Turn around, try again.”

He makes a funny face, but turns around anyway. When he faces you again, he doesn’t lean on the counter but rather takes a seat. “Uh. Hello?”

You facepalm, laughing. “This isn’t gonna work.”

The man takes the laughter in stride. “Yeah, not my best work. Can I at least buy you a drink?”

Another weak move. “You can, but I’m not gonna sleep with you.”

Not deterred, he buys the next round. “Name’s James.” He gave you his hands and waited expectantly, but even though you shook it you dodged the name question hanging in the air.

“Sorry, buddy, I swore off Jimmy’s about 2 Jimmy’s ago.”

A slight frown, but nothing that seemed to indicate trouble. “Luckily, I’m not a Jimmy, I’m a James.”

“Okay.” You spoke almost patronizingly. “Never met a James that wore kitty ears, but okay.”

James looked like he was stewing on something, opened his mouth to retort an insult, but thought better of it. He attempted to smooth back the curls, but it didn’t work. He mumbled something about a cowlick before looking back at you as you laughed.

“You’re not playfully teasing me, are you?” it wasn’t a question.

“Nah, honey. I’m making fun of you.”

“Welp.” He slaps his hands on the bar counter, sitting up. It wasn’t an aggressive move, he meant it playful himself, but it still made you startle. “I can see where I’m not wanted. Keep the drink, sweetheart.” He winked, and left you alone.

Fuck, his pants were tight.

Logan moved on to talking up some girl that actually seemed interested, but if he were being honest, and he’d never admit this, but he kept looking back to you. As much as he wanted to get his dick wet and this new girl was pretty, he couldn’t get his mind off you. Logan was not rejected often. It wasn’t that his ego was bruised, okay maybe a little, but you were just so interesting. His senses were telling him he needed to notice something about you, but not trouble. He didn’t know what that meant, but the next time he looked over he saw a man making his move on you.

Good luck, bub. He thought to himself, then looked back at the cute girl. She seemed flexible. An omega, which meant he’d probably have to make an escape while she was sleeping, but she’d be eager to please. Oh yeah, this was gonna be a good-

*CRASH!*

Annnnnnd there it was. Can’t have nothing nice. He stepped in front of the blonde, what was her name again?, and looked to scout out the situation just in time to see you clock a man in the jaw hard enough to send him back. Good job there, girlie. Logan didn’t want trouble, and you seemed to be handling it so he didn’t step in just yet… but out of nowhere came the guy's friend with a barstool and clocked it over your head.

“Hey!” Logan shouted, distracting the man enough as he was about to kick you a third time in the face. Just as he dove and took him down, Logan heard the crowd gasp. After knocking the buddy out, Logan looked up to see if the first man wanted a piece of him next, only to see him staring in shock.

You were blue. Your skin, your hair, and the sliver of your eyes he could see, all blue.

“MUTANT!” The fucking hillbilly shouts, and Logan isn’t an idiot. There’s trouble coming.

Without thinking, he scoops up your limp body and dashes you outside as men gather like an old timey mod.

He places you on the front of his bike, one strong arm holds you up and kicks the stand of the bike. Back to the mansion.

Another goddamn stray. Can’t keep them off me.

The gates opened as his bike rode up the twisted roads over half an hour later. Good thing the bike was registered to Scott, because if he got clocked speeding, it was bordering on reckless driving.

Despite being in a hurry, Logan made sure to kick the stand up after riding the bike right up to the steps. He didn’t want the engine flooded. Then whose bike would he steal?

Bursting into the entrance, he finds Scott in a blue and yellow button down PJ set, sleep mask on and arms crossed. “You have GOT to stop-” Then Scott see’s you, passed out, bloody faced, and blue bodied, and senses the urgency.

He grabs Logan, shoving him to get to the medbay ASAP. Logan could run much fastert than Scott, even with your weight, but Scott was behind him. “JEEAANNN!”. The yelling was more to get it out in his mind, no doubt communicating with her in there to get to the bed medbay, which was near their bedroom.

By the time Logan got there, Jean was already setting up. She was in a robe, forest green and silky, something Scott probably got for her, the thoughtful fuck. Annoyingly, it was long, covering up those legs. That was also probably intensional on Scott’s part. Jean was in boxers. Probably Scotts, and she liked to sleep in skimpy cami’s. On second thought, the gift was probably more Scott keeping her wrapped up considering how many times Jean gets called to the med bay in the middle of the night.

“Tell me everything you know.”

Logan half panicked. He didn’t actually know anything. “I don’t really know. I talked to her briefly at the bar but that’s it.”

Green eyes flashed up at him, then back down. Jean knew what he was doing. “Did you sleep with her yet?”

He didn’t really know why THAT was relevant.

“No, she rejected me too.” Well, that was a bit bitter. Logan corrected himself. Not the time. “Uh, fuck, she’s a mutant.”

Jean stopped, then dropped her shoulders as she deadpanned. “I couldn’t tell.” She could get a little snarky when under stress, so Logan let that roll off his back and she hooked you up to some monitors.

“She got into a bar fight, one guy hit her over the head with a stool, that's when she blacked out. Another kicked her face before I got there. One to the nose, one to the forehead.”

Jean nodded, this was the information she needed.

“Steal toed books by the looks of it, got her pretty good. Anything else?”

“She turned blue a little after passing out, and she’s a beta.”

She placed her hands over the woman's body. “She probably can hide her mutation if she’s conscious about it. Knocking her out took away that defense.”

Just then, Scott entered the room, finally catching up. You’d think with those long legs he’d be faster, but running isn't his strong suit. “How is she?”

“Stable, but I need one of you to put the gauze on her head, she’s still bleeding.” Scott found the materials needed and applied gentle pressure. “Heart rate is good, but she’s unconscious still. Logan how long has it been?”

“45 minutes maybe?”

She swears under her breath. “Well, that’s not great. Let me get into her head.” After a few minutes, she relaxes a little bit. “Okay. Not traumatic brain injury. It’s a moderate concussion. She’ll need some rest but she’ll be okay, it seems.”

“Any sign of a healing factor?” Scott asks, but Jean shakes her head.

“If it is, it’s nothing like yours,” She nods to Logan. “or even Remy. Or like Remy, she needs to be conscious about it.” Jean put down her hands. “There’s not much I can do right now. It’s best to let her wake up naturally, unless this goes longer than a day. I’ll keep monitering-”

Your eyes flashed open, blue and glowing lightly, gasping a little for breath. When you saw Logan and Scott of one side of the bed, the confusion grew to panic. “Shit!” You try to roll off the bed, away from them, but are either too out of it still or too tied up in monitors to make it far. You fall, and Jean catches you. Logan moved to go to you, but Scott held him back. Logan didn’t know why

“Hey, hey it’s alright, you’re safe here.” You calm more after seeing her, letting Jean sit you down.

When you look up at Scott and Logan again, you lock eyes with the older man. To their surprise, you roll your eyes, “Oh great. This fucking guy again.”

If Logan was being honest, he didn’t like you very much.

**********

thank you so so much for giving this a chance!!!I had a lot of fun writig this, which isn't something ive said a lot lately.

I originally was on my drive back from my parents like "i wanna write omegaverse" it was originally gonna be a lot more serious, but as i was planning and thinking it just ended up having a sillier vibe.

It will still have more serious themes here and there, but nothing like what i usually do. Im very nervous. The most lighthearted series ive ever done was the DBF joel series but that was more a series of one shots. And awakening was goofy and silly sometimes but was also pretty heavily about the beauty of coming out later in life, finding yourself, exploring sexuality, and deep trust.

This fic is playing on the rom com vibes. Idiots in love. Enemies to lovers. I hope you guys like it. Prinny says she think it'll be good for me to have something lighter, considering how much dark fics and dark themes i do.

I know I was talking about the series with my OC sadie summers and logan and thats still in the works, but there were some kinks i needed to work out that I havn't yet before i can go foreward. Fen and I are almost done with IYWBW, and when that done ill start on the benny miller x oc series for the final installment of Leather and lace universe!!!

and eventually, EVENTUALLY i will get that final chapter of ROF done. its just HARD (like my dick)

peace and love girlies (gn)

if you want to be added to my general logan content, check out the taglist linked above, but if you want to be added to this series, comment below!

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @dis-plus-fanfic-reblog-writes @miraclesabound

#Logan howlett x reader #logan howlett #logan howlett x you #alpha logan howlett #wolverine #wolverine x reader #logan x men #logan james howlett #jean grey #scott summers #remy lebeau #rogue xmen #omegaverse #enemies to lovers #enemies to friends to lovers #logan wolverine #idiots in love

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snek-panini · 5 months ago

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As promised, I've got more books to share and they are all fic binds. Have a look at this new one:

This is Among the Stacks by MeinirRhos, and it's one of the few post-s2 Good Omens fics that I've liked enough to bind. It's canon-compliant and full of pining, fluff, angst, and a memory loss plot and I knew before even finishing it that I wanted it on my physical shelves.

I kept it pretty simple on the outside, with Library Summit book cloth and white HTV for the title. Large parts of the fic have to do with libraries and library books, so I thought it would be fun to make it look like a library rebind, something that looks innocuous and blends in to the shelves but it's actually going to be your new fave once you open it up and start reading. I wanted very badly to have the titles hand-written in embossing inks but I couldn't get a clean enough line with the textured cloth, so this handwriting font saved the day.

More photos under the cut; I'm really proud of the typeset for this one!

Top view, with pre-made end bands and a ribbon bookmark. Going with the library rebind aesthetic, I didn't think it ought to have handmade end bands, so these were perfect. Honestly I'm not sure the ribbon bookmark fits the theme, but you can pry that from my cold dead hands. All my books have them and I love them too much to leave it out. The endpapers are cream-colored cardstock, and while they look plain they feel nice. I tried out a new-to-me corner style, the library corner, where you don't trim off the excess material at the turn-in. It's supposed to be more durable than other styles and is common in rebinds. Library Summit is stiffer than most of the other book cloth I've worked with, so it was a little challenging to get it to lay flat while drying, and it's a bit bulkier than I'm used to, but it's perfect for the theming. Unrelatedly, it also holds a hinge crease really well.

Title page. I could not be more pleased with this title page design. I showed it to my husband after I finished the text block but before I had the cover on it, and he didn't realize at first that it was one of mine. I have cracked the code of professional title pages. The graphics were, at the time I put this together, available for free on rawpixel. I'm in love with it. It is sexy as hell and it will never be equaled.

Couple more interiors. The chapter header font is called Book Ends and I found it on DaFont. You add in the little plants and stuff with symbols. I haven't done much with custom fonts until this batch of fics, and in some of the others I've got in the pipeline I went a little nuts with them, but I think this one's my favorite for how well it fits the story. I also started experimenting with formatting text messages in this fic, and I'm very pleased with how those came out as well. The Renegade Bindery discord has resources on this kind of formatting, so check them out if you haven't already. I'd never have gotten them so professional-looking otherwise.

And that's it for this bind! I started working on it back in April and I'm thrilled to finally be able to show off the finished product. Thanks @rhosmeinir (Hi! It's Amberfly from Ao3!) for giving me permission to bind it nearly six months ago.

#good omens #bookbinding #fanbinding #snek makes books

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adventuringblind · 1 year ago

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Hi, I noticed (mainly bc u read a lot of your work) that you write a lot of dark/ self harm based/themed fics so I was wondering if you would be comfortable with writing a lestappen x reader with an Ed. It’s totally fine if you don’t want to so ofc feel free to ignore

(Your work is always very well written and I look forward to reading what you post next)

One for you and One for me

Lestappen x Reader

Genre: Angst/hurt comfort

Summary: Nobody is immune to the toxicity of social media, Charles and Max help their girl through it

Warnings: HEAVY ED, toxic media, body dysmorphia, sexual acts are mentioned but nothing happens

Notes: You must be psychic because I you sent this while I'm struggling with my own ED. I hope this helps you as much as it did me! 😊

Masterlist

Social media is something that everyone seems to revolve around. In theory, it could be great. Getting to see photos of friends and family and updates from celebrities you wouldn't otherwise interact with.

But here's the catch: in practice, the entire thing falls apart. People are left with images of things that are unachievable. Photoshop and filters have become everyone's new best friends. People put only their best foot forward and try to look as perfect as possible.

And those who don't? The ones who are criticized? The ones who will never meet that expectation? They are left trying to swim to the surface of a never-ending ocean. Drowning under the weight never being enough.

So, they do what they can. Nothing can be that bad if it makes them feel better, right? What's one meal skipped every day to cut back on calories?

In her case, she'd cut it all out. The idea of perfection and control weigh heavy in the pit of her stomach. The one that is currently growling as she weighs herself for the fifth time that day alone.

It's addicting, really, the feeling she gets from having gone another hour without a meal. The elation of seeing the scale drop in number.

The media and fans had been all over her appearance after going public with Max and Charles. She'd tried to ignore, but there was a piece of her looking for an excuse to dive back into the habits of her teenage years.

Her mother said she never looked like she had an eating disorder. Her father only started compliment her on her appearance once she was significantly underweight.

Max and Charles had been there for the fall. Her habits finally catching up to her when she started working with Redbull. She didn't have the energy to keep up with the schedule and one day had simply collapsed.

She'd gotten better. Promised the two boys they would never be on the verge of losing her like that again.

Now here she is, breaking that promise over the triple header by not eating at all. She'd started slowly, but now she has a chance to speed things up before the two boys notice anything. Too busy to really pay attention to her weight.

Maybe it would've been better if they hadn't been caught eating together. The fans might have a little less leverage to use on her. Maybe if she wasn't wearing something more revealing to a party in Monaco then they wouldn't have noticed how she looks.

The number on the scale is far from perfect, but it'll do for now. She slips on her teamwear that is looser than it was a few days ago. A satisfied but tired smile plays on her lips as she walks out the door.

The paddock is busy prior to the race. cameras are everywhere and she does her best to avoid them. Thankful her job is away from the majority of people. The less the cameras see of her, the better. A small part of her wonders if it would simply be better to disappear or become invisible. Maybe if she's thin enough, she'll be invisible from the side.

The day seems to drag on. The race is good and ends with both Max and Charles on the podium. It's the last race of the triple header meaning they will want to celebrate properly tonight. Maybe they will compliment her more now that she's lost weight. There is a prominent gap in her thighs and maybe will even be light enough for them to carry. The though makes her swoon.

The cheery conversation in the car quickly turns to logistics. Plans for dinner are made and she claims to have eaten while finishing up her work. To hungry to wait any longer.

There is a hesitant pause. They like knowing she ate with visible proof. That being the reason they eat together or at least someone is there to tell she ate if asked. Even if it's a bite.

They don't mention it. Charles orders in while Max drags her out of ear shot. She assumes it's because he is pent up, nothing surprising after a race. But nothing happens and she is left mildly disappointed.

Max cups her face. "I'm sorry we've been so busy."

"That's not your fault."

"No, but-" Max looks hesitant. "We know you haven't been eating. You're exhausted and your clothes don't fit. We can feel your bones when we hold you at night." She looks at Max in horror. "We thought maybe if we just made sure you felt comfortable that you would come to us but it's bad again."

Charles puts hands on her hips. "We'll take it slow, like last time. But please, we love you too much to see you become a shell of yourself again."

They say in that embrace until there is a knock at the door. Max is quick to answer it. He comes back holding their dinner. An extra box sits on top. One she assumes is for her.

"We got you a small salad. Nothing massive, no dressing, just vegetables." Max sets it all out on the table. They keep up casual conversation, so she doesn't feel horribly uncomfortable. Until they notice she is just playing with her food.

"How about, we continue talking, but we take turns taking bites? If you manage three, we'll call it a night," suggests Charles. Goal setting was helpful last time around. One week she took one bite of every meal, the next was two, and so on.

She manages three bites. Each of her own followed by one of theirs.

They all clamber into bed afterwards. Exhaustion hits her hard.

No, it's not perfect or straightforward. Relapses happen but healing is full of ups and downs. But she has people who care and who love her for who she is, not what she looks like. They'd rather her be healthy then bringing herself to the brink of collapse. And she loves them enough to try her best which is all they can ask for.

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sineala · 6 months ago

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I subscribe to the newsletter of an author I like who wrote a book about 9/11 and the War on Terror and the security state in the US and how it led to the election of Trump, and it's all very serious but apparently the author is writing an Iron Man comics series. I don't read the comics, and a lot of what I know about them comes from your fic, so I'm honestly not sure how much fanon vs canon knowledge I have. 😂 But the series sounds like it might be interesting I think? The author talked about it in his newsletter today. (This link should work. Probably.)

https://www.forever-wars.com/iron-man-how-to-blow-up-a-pipeline-succession/

I am actually really excited about this run! I try not to get excited about new Iron Man runs because chances are high that my hopes and dreams will be crushed, and I know that just because someone writes, say, stunningly excellent non-fiction, it is not a guarantee that they will be great at writing fiction at all or superhero comics specifically (cf. Ta-Nehisi Coates on Cap), but judging by everything Spencer Ackerman's been saying in interviews, his run sounds like it's going to explore a lot of interesting themes.

The post you linked links to an AIPT podcast that he was on a few days ago to talk about his new Iron Man run. For those of you who don't listen to podcasts (this is also me), the Iron Man subreddit has what seems like a fairly comprehensive summary of the interview, and I am really looking forward to the run. Issue #1 apparently hits stores on October 23.

But I will tell you why I am actually now really excited about this run. It's not relevant to anything about the comic itself. I am nonetheless very excited.

Last month, after he was announced as the new Iron Man writer, in order to hype up his run, he posted an offer on his blog: if you add the run to your pull list, and you email him proof that you're pulling his run and include a snail-mail address, he will mail you some cool Iron Man stickers.

I eventually got around to doing this last week. I was assuming he didn't actually pay attention to any of these emails so I dashed off a couple sentences about how I was looking forward to his take on Tony because he'd posted a photo of the Iron Man comics he was reading for research and several of them were among my favorites. And then I went off to get bagels.

By the time I had come back with bagels, twenty minutes later, he'd written me a very nice reply substantively engaging with the content of my extremely off-the-cuff message -- geez, if I'd known he was going to be actually reading them I would have put a lot more thought into it, you know? It was very kind and I was not expecting it.

He spelled my first name wrong in the reply, despite it being in the email header and also the name I had signed the email with.

This happens to me a lot. I have a first name that is very common in a lot of languages, but none of those languages are English. I'd say there's a 50-50 chance that a native English speaker will spell or pronounce my name wrong. This is unfortunate, because I live in the US and mostly interact with native English speakers. (My wife @lysimache immediately knew how to pronounce my name. I mean, it wasn't why I married her or anything, but I feel like it was a big plus on a personal level.)

If I have to give my name for something, I will reflexively spell it. The second-to-last time I voted, they'd switched voter lookup to you giving them your name rather than you giving your street address, which was a surprise that filled me with dread. My wife was in line ahead of me and she was completely finished voting by the time the poll workers had finished correctly spelling my name. (The last time I voted, I just handed them my ID, which is not required in my state, but I really wanted this to go faster.) I went to the doctor last week, and when they called my name in the waiting room, they said it wrong. I corrected them. They said it differently wrong a couple minutes later. I corrected them again. They said it wrong again. At that point I gave up.

(If I could think of a name I liked better that I was absolutely sure that most people could spell and pronounce, I would change my name. I still have not found one.)

So, you know, I'm used to it. It happens. Frequently. I was not at all surprised that he spelled it wrong.

He then emailed me again to apologize for spelling my name wrong. Like, immediately. One minute later. He said he was sorry and he knew a lot of people with a similar name.

Dude. Nobody does that. Nobody actually apologizes. Especially not in an email to a rando like me. He did not need to do that. At all. I was not expecting him to do that. He did that. I was honestly touched. No one bothers to do that. But he did.

I got my stickers in the mail yesterday.

I have redacted the portion of the note that has my name in it, but he absolutely spelled my name correctly.

Mr. Ackerman, sir, I hope your comic sells a million copies.

#replies #celticjade13

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chaoticcupcakeee · 8 months ago

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Chapter Five: The Club and Terrible Timing

***BEFORE YOU READ ANY FURTHER THERE IS GOING TO BE SEX, HEAVY BDSM THEMES, AND OTHER GENERAL NSFW THINGS. IF YOU ARE A MINOR/A BLANK BLOG/ A BLOG WITH NO AGE PLEASE DO NOT INTEREACT! IF I SEE IT, I WILL BLOCK IMMEDIATELY! THANKS!<3***

Pairing: Professor! Steve Harrington x Best Friends Dad! Eddie Munson x Fem! Reader

Warnings: SOOO much angst in this chapter IM SORRY! smut! oral f receiving, dry humping, kissing, alcohol consumption, slight inspection kink,dirty talk, also lots of fluff!!! Eddie and Steve are in their early to mid 40s and reader is in her mid 20s

Summary: Violet tries to get over her break-up by taking you to clubs all across Indiana which you happily oblige. Your latest adventure not turning out how either of you had planned.

Author's Note: Hi my loves! I hope you're all doing well! i'm sorry for not uploading in a month, i've not had the motivation or the energy... and i've re written this chapter a bunch! but i hope you all like it! plenty more chapters to come! 9k

**Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four**

(banners and headers by @cafekitsune)

“Okay I gotta go Eds, I’m gonna be late” you say, pulling yourself off the older man’s lips. Eddie’s grip being too strong, pulling you back into his arms.

“Nuh uh, this is a crime of the highest order, a King needs his Queen!” He announces dramatically. You giggle into Eddie’s skin, breathing in his scent. You thought of abandoning school all together today, and spending the day with him while Violet was at work. The two of you barely got any time together in the basement anymore now that Violet wasn’t over at Quinns anymore, or away at her mom’s. You snuck in sleepovers when she would be working overnights. Otherwise you and Eddie squeezed into your tiny apartment, spending every second together that you could. As if the universe knew exactly how to punish you, your phone rings.

“Hi babe” you answer kindly.

“Hi, so we’re going out tonight.” Violet announces bluntly on the other end of the phone.

“Where are you taking me now?” you ask, a slight amusement in your tone. Violet had been doing her best to get over Quinn by taking you out to various bars and clubs across the state of Indiana. You weren’t really the type to go to a new bar every weekend. But you love Violet, if this was helping her stop hurting, then you’d do it forever for her.

“A bar in the city, I’ll come pick you up at 7!” she says excitedly before hanging up. You sigh, putting your phone back down on the bed, smiling at Violets infectious energy. You felt guilty at the tug in your stomach, disappointed that you didn’t have another night to yourself with Eddie.

“Alright mister I gotta go, I can stop by after class” you say reluctantly, going back to moisturizing your face.

“No stay” he protests scooping you up in his arms, and showering you with kisses all over your face.

The two of you had just spent a very domestic morning together, eating breakfast in the basement while Eddie worked on a new campaign, the two of you getting ready in the bathroom. You had just put on your bra and panties while Eddie was shedding his clothes to get into the shower.

You watch him pout from the mirror, your back turned to him. You didn’t really want to leave him, but you wanted to go to the library before class and now that Violet was taking you out tonight, you needed to get it done now. You blew a kiss to him as he reluctantly got into the shower, tail tucked between his legs like a dog.

You sneak peaks of your beautiful boyfriend in the shower while you brush your teeth. You never could get over just how good looking he is, body covered in tattoos, his greying curls, his slightly toned arms from playing guitar all his life, and his long fingers currently running through his hair. You tried to fight it, but you were now a full blown Eddie Munson addict. Addicted to his touch, his smile, his laugh, the crinkling around his eyes from years of smiling, his kisses, and most importantly the way he made you feel. You could feel your body heat up with desire, a storm at your center.

Your eyes meet Eddies, a smirk plastered across his face, eyebrow raised playfully. You roll your eyes lightly in response, shaking your thoughts of Eddie out of your head. You try to hide a smile that’s threatening to seep onto your lips.

Half naked you start to head back into Eddies room to get dressed for the day. When a pair of wet hands grab your waist pulling you for a hug. You scream out in surprise, wrapping your arms around Eddies very wet ones. You can hear his giggling in your ears, your resolve diminishing, giving into your boyfriend antics and laughing alongside him.

He slips the few items of clothing you were wearing off quickly, pulling you into the steaming hot shower. Eddie’s more beautiful up close under the water, his long eyelashes glittering with water droplets, and his lips red and plump from the steam.

Not being able to resist him anymore you go onto your tippy toes to kiss him, his arms scooping you up bringing you closer to him. The kiss was one of softness and affection. Not like times in the dungeon where his kisses were rough and bruising. These ones were like he was trying to show you how much he cared about you. Soft but firm, passionate but not dominating. You smile against his lips, feeling his smiling right back at you, savoring this moment.

“You’re so beautiful” he says breathlessly as he pulls back, pushing some of your now wet hair out of your face.

You cringe at his words; you’ve been working on trying to believe him but it’s hard. You shove your head into his chest, allowing him to encase you. Tears threatened to spill from your eyes, you felt safe, you couldn’t remember the last time you felt this safe and at home. Not even when you were a kid or when you got a hug from either of your parents, it was something entirely different. If only you could stop this moment, and live in it forever, or go back when you were feeling sad. You realize now what people mean when they say, “When you know you know”, it just feels different, it feels easy.

Guilt always followed this feeling, how could you feel so deeply for someone and not be able to tell your best friend. It was starting to eat away at your heart and soul. You and Eddie had decided that you were going to tell her tomorrow, and you were both excited and terrified at the same time. You just hoped that over time she would be able to see just how happy the two of you made each other.

Eddies hand forces your face up to his, letting the water wash away your guilt and be present with him. He smiles at you warmly, you smile back, the entire world in his eyes. Reminding you that everything was going to be okay. He holds your head in one of his hands caressing your cheek, bringing his lips to your forehead and leaving a kiss there. How did he know you so well that he knew what you were thinking without you even having to tell him? You swoon at his action, redness spilling onto your cheeks.

He turns you around, dips your head back so the running water drenches your hair. He massages slow circles into your scalp, forcing a moan from your lips. You let him lather your hair in shampoo and massage it into your scalp. He takes his time, being meticulous not to miss a single strand of hair. Leaving little kisses on your neck in between lathers. Even simple acts like this, no sexual touching or tension, just the two of you together. It was enough to quiet your brain for the rest of the day, he knew how to calm you down when your brain was working too hard or when your mind needed a break.

Once your hair was squeaky clean and conditioned, Eddie took a washcloth and started washing the rest of your body, scrubbing soap into every area of your skin, being just as meticulous as he was with your hair. Touching you gently and affectionately, you could feel all the unsaid feelings and words by each touch of his hands or body on your skin.

You turn your attention to him, asking him to bend down so you can get the curls at the top of his head, he grandiosely kneels down for you to properly reach the top of his head. The two of you giggling at the action. Your fingers get to work trying to mimic the massage he had given you, making him moan into your chest, leaving open mouth kisses on your tummy. Your body tensing slightly, all your negative body image issues threatening to pour out of your ears. But Eddie’s strong hands grab your waist softly, quieting those thoughts once more. You marvel at his touch, forcing yourself to concentrate on washing all the shampoo from his hair. His curls feel silky and soft in your fingers, the grey marbled into his curls like a galaxy.

You finish conditioning his hair and washing his body, the two of you stand under the water together, completely clean but not ready to get out of the shower. You have your arms wrapped around his waist, and his around your shoulders, resting his head on top of yours.

Eddie eventually turns the water off and gets out of the shower, offering you a hand. Taking his hands in yours letting him help you out of the shower and wrap a fluffy towel around you.

“Thank you for stayin’ with me” Eddie says softly, leaving a kiss on your forehead.

“Thank you for making me stay” you mutter into his chest, as much as you wanted to go to the library, you could never pass up time like this. You hear Eddie hum around you, his chest vibrating against your face, warming your insides.

You let Eddie dry you off and dress you, leaving kisses on your bare skin before putting each article of clothing on. Then you do the same for him. Each kiss to open skin, every piece of clothing, a sign of devotion to the other. So many words not said but shown instead, you didn’t know for certain if Eddie felt the same way you did, but your heart hoped that he did.

The adoration for him seeping through your pores, it filling you up threatening to burst, three words stuck in your throat. THE three words almost slipping off your tongue, but you couldn’t let yourself say them. Not before Violet knew, not until you weren��t a secret anymore.

Plus, the two of you had only been together for a few months and you didn’t want to jump the gun and make a fool of yourself. Eddie just made you feel important and cared for, which just made it harder to hide it.

“Earth to Y/N,” you hear Eddies voice, pulling you from your thoughts. His rich brown eyes looking at you like you put the sun in the sky, paired with his goofy as ever smile, Forcing a smile onto your face.

“So, listen as much I’d love to see your cute little butt after class. I promised a friend of mine I’d help them out with something. But text me at any time if you need a ride or if you need anything tonight, okay?” he says, his voice kind but slightly serious. You know that he really would drop anything if you really needed him. A pout forms across your lips, you were hoping to stop by and thank him for the sweet morning the two of you were having together, thoughts of his cock on your tongue swirling in your brain.

You reluctantly give Eddie one more kiss before heading out the door for the day. The day was dragging on, classes were almost over for the semester and for the most part a majority of your professors had given up actually teaching or just droned on about upcoming projects that you were due. Sociology was never the same after Steve left, you noticed some students had even dropped the class, you didn’t blame them. It made you sad, thinking about Steve, you know what he was likely doing right now, probably drinking himself to the bottom of another bottle.

And it was all your fault, if you hadn’t had stupid crush on your teacher, Steve would still be doing what he loved. At least the semester was almost over so you wouldn’t have the burden of being reminded multiple times a week in class. The second your new professor dismissed you all, you hurried out of the room quickly not wanting to be tortured any longer by the images of Steve at home, slumped over his desk with tears in his eyes.

You had re played that moment so many times since it had happened, trying to make sense of it, trying to figure out why you felt so deeply about him. When Eddie made you the happiest you had ever been. You felt so guilty feeling so strongly about someone else, especially after the morning you and Eddie shared. Your heart just couldn’t help but ache for the man you left in that big house, all alone, drinking his sorrows away.

I’m a fucking monster

You pinch your eyebrows with your fingers, willing all the scattered pieces of yourself back together. You blow out all the air in your lungs and push your key into the ignition, driving away from school, leaving all thoughts of Steve behind.

Violet had decided to come to your place early to get ready, it reminded you of when the two of you used to get ready for school dances together when you were younger. She insisted on the both of you wearing the least amount of clothing as possible, much to your dismay.

“Since when did you become a prude? We are both hot, young, single women. We deserve to have men and women alike ogle at us from time to time. It builds self-confidence!” she declares assuredly.

Not single Not single Not single

Violet decided on a black lacey strappy dress that hugged all of her curves just right, her eyes sultry lined with two smokey black wings, and her purple hair curled to perfection sitting right above her butt. She looked like every nerdy guys gothic dream. You decide on something a little less scandalous, but still approved by Violet. Wearing a black bralette with a black mesh long sleeve over it, extenuating your breasts, pairing it with a short black mini skirt with a slit going half way up the side; and your black combat boots.

She had convinced you to take a few shots before going to the bar, your head already delightfully buzzed. You were just putting one more coat of lip gloss, when you hear Violet call out from the other room.

“Ubers here!”

The two of you squeeze into the back of an uber and head to the bar. Violet told you on the way that evidently it was a new bar in town that everyone has been talking about and posting all about over social media. Violets extensive knowledge of the bar scene completely going over your head.

The Uber let the two of you off in front of a building covered in red neon lights, you could already hear the loud music coming from inside of the building. Violet grabs your hand and the two of you head inside. The bar was more crowded than you expected, all of you smooshed into the building like sardines. The floor vibrated with how loud it is, the music combined with people chattering away made your head hurt. You make your way past other patrons and head towards the bar, Violet sits down confidently, flipping her hair behind her back.

“I’m gonna see if I can get someone to buy us some drinks, follow my lead.” She ushers the two of you closer to a group of guys who looked like they have had one too many beers already.

“Hey boys,” Violet says slyly, she was always good with getting her way. She never acted spoiled or threw a fit if she didn’t, but you always admired how confident she was and how good she is with people. She never went home with or even danced with any of the men she flirted with, her heart still stuck on Quinn, just using them to keep her mind off of her broken heart. You look around at the rest of the bar, uninterested in any of the men that were stood before you.

The bar was dimly lit, with a few candles placed on various tables around the room. The actual bar took up a majority of the back wall, filled with any kind of liquor you could possibly want. The people occupying the bar varied in age, some younger, some older, all seemingly having a good time. Couples held up in the corners of the room, talking quietly, kissing or other various salacious activities. On the right side of the room was a small dance floor, where patrons were dancing, some more lewdly than others.

When you finally returned your attention back to Violet, she handed you a drink and fluttered her eyelashes at the group of men before whisking you away to the corner of the room.

“Why are men so gross? I swear I could barely get one of them to look me in the eye, like I know my tits are great but they aren’t THAT great,” she slurs slightly, the shots catching up to her already.

The two of you sit in a corner of the room, finishing off your very strong drinks. You sat back in amusement at every guy that would pick up the courage to stop by at your table, trying to pick up one or the both of you, some more pathetic than others. You looked over at Violet every once in a while, making sure that this wasn’t all for nothing and that she was having a good time.

Violet put up a good front, it was pretty easy with her eyes disguised in black eyeliner, but you could see through to the sadness underneath it all. Beneath all of her confidence and extroverted tendencies, was agony. The type of sadness that sits in your stomach and rots, eating you from the inside out. You tried not to push her too much, asking if she was okay and told her that you were here whenever she needed to talk. But she brushed you off every single time. But you knew, she didn’t even need to tell you how she felt.. you could feel it ripping her apart on the inside. You see her smile fading slightly after turning down yet another guy. You see and in and you take it.

“Vi.. are you okay? Like really? And please no more bullshit, if I have to hear one more “I’m okay” or “I’m fine” I’m gonna scream,” you plead with your best friend.

Her shoulders drop, all hints of happiness leaving her face, behind her eyeliner she looked tired. Not just physically tired, the tired you get from pretending to be okay when you’re not, not sleeping at night because your mind won’t shut off. She turns towards you, wetness forming in the corners of her eyes, her mask finally off.

“No, I’m not, and I don’t know when I will be, I keep waiting and waiting that one day it won’t hurt so much.. I just thought that if I pretend, that eventually one day it won’t hurt so bad... but it hasn’t. For fucks sake I thought we were going to get married!... Well I wanted to get married,” she sniffles.

You grab her hand and squeeze it tightly inside yours, just grateful that she was letting you in. She looks at you gratefully and pulls you into a tight hug. You didn’t have any words to make it better, to numb her pain.. you just squeezed her tightly back and hoped it was enough.

“I dunno what I’d do without you bubs, you’re literally the only reason I’m holding it together right now,” she admits.

Guilt floods your system like a tsunami, even more unsure now how she was going to take the new about you and Eddie. Not only would you be rubbing your very happy relationship in her face, but it’s with her fucking dad, her fucking dad. No, she deserved to know. No matter what happens now, Eddie is just as important to you as she is, and you weren’t going to let him go. Violet would just have to understand.

“Alright no more sad talk, we’re here to have fun!”

She grabs your arm and takes you back over to the bar, ordering another round of shots for the two of you. Tequilla burning your throat as the two of you stumble onto the dance floor.

It’s a blur of sweat, glitter, and bodies. The two of you sway your hips back and forth to the beat of the music, giggling at one another, the alcohol officially taking effect. More and more people gather onto the dance floor, filling the room with sweat and haze.

You and Violet smile at each other, holding hands and singing obnoxiously loud to the songs playing. You can see the worry and the sadness evaporate off Violet’s face, you smile to yourself, wishing all the happiness in the world for your best friend.

After a few more songs, Violet excuses herself to go to the bathroom. You linger at the edge of the dance floor, not wanting to dance by yourself. You take the time to people watch, looking at the various patrons at the bar, guys trying to score, girls laughing with their friends, older men sitting at the bar nursing their drinks, the bartenders running around behind the bar like chickens with their heads cut off, and Eddie.

Wait.. EDDIE?!

You do a double take and then a triple take to make sure your alcohol goggles weren’t skewing your vision, and you weren’t imagining your very sexy boyfriend at a random bar with some guy. You smile and start to walk over to the table where Eddie was at to say hello. But you stop in your tracks, the closer you get, the back of the other man’s head becomes increasingly more familiar. Steve fucking Harrington.

Your body freezes, your brain working a million miles a minute.

Steve knows Eddie?

Eddie knows Steve?

How?

Why?

Your body stiffens even further when you see Steve’s large hand envelop the upper part of Eddies thigh, traveling farther and farther up his leg. Your breath caught in your throat, a lump making its home there.

How could he?

What the hell?

What the fuck is going on?

Eddie looks at Steve, kind of sad but also startled, his eyes wander behind Steve’s head and locks eyes with you. His mouth hung open agape. That’s the last thing you see before the tears cloud your vision. You push past the crowd of people in the bar, making your way to the front door. Pushing the door open, the cold air forcing goosebumps across your skin.

Unable to hold the tears anymore, you let them flow freely down your face. You look around you and you don’t know what to do or where to go. You can’t leave, but you don’t want to stay either. You wrap your arms around yourself, trying to self soothe and protect yourself from the cold.

That’s when you hear the loud music from inside the bar followed by the front door closing, you hear a familiar voice call out to you.

“Y/N, it’s not what you think-, “ Eddie says desperately.

“What was his hand doing on your leg? I thought you were helping out a friend tonight?” You cut him off, trying to keep your voice level and hold back anymore tears.

You knew it, you knew Eddie was too good to be true. He’s too nice, and warm, you felt too safe around him. Every happy moment with him comes crashing down in an instant, you never really mattered to him. You were always just his daughter’s best friend, a little kid, someone to mess around with. How could you be so blind, your own stupidity kicking you in the face and knocking the air out of your lungs. You didn’t even know who you were madder at, Eddie, or at yourself.

“Fuck I was! I mean I am!” Eddie says, panic setting in his voice.

“So, him feeling you up, that’s you helping out a friend? How charitable, Eds” you spit back. You could allow yourself to be angry, but you wouldn’t break, not right now. Not if you had to go back inside and face Violet.

“Yes! No, I- we are JUST friends, baby I promise” Eddie pleads.

“I’d say we’ve been more than friends Ed” you hear another familiar voice, as Steve steps out into the midnight air.

Your heart could crumble into a million pieces by Steve’s confession, you’d fall to the ground if your brain wasn’t working so hard, buzzing like a million bees working overtime.

“You need to tell me what’s going on right now or I’m grabbing Violet and I’m never speaking to either of you ever again.” The hurt in your voice noticeable, you bite your lip to stop your lip from quivering. Eddies rubs his hands across his face, trying to find the words to explain.

“Wait, you two know each other?” Steve says, hands on his hips, all three of you looking at each other with so many unsaid questions.

“Yeah, we know each other very fucking well Steve,” you seethe, trying to hide your hurt. Steve flinches slightly, looking guilty.

“Eddie, what the fuck is going on… If-if I was just going to be a little fling for you, a heads up would have been nice! I-I let you in, I let you see every part of me and then you do THIS? I’ve been hurt in the past, but I never, ever, thought I’d be hurt by you” you choke back a sob, as angry tears start streaming down your face. You know by now that your mascara and make up were completely ruined, you felt more vulnerable than you had ever felt in your entire life.

Your heart might as well have been ripped from your chest and stomped on right in front of you on the cold hard pavement. You look at the two faces staring back at you, Steve still utterly confused and bewildered, and Eddie, well Eddie’s face mirrored yours. His eyes misty, you can see his Adams apple bobbing in his throat. Steve runs his hands nervously through his hair before speaking.

“Look this is all my fault, okay? I, shit, I’ve been so hung up on everything that happened between us that I just wanted to feel good. Eddie and I, we used to have something in the past, but it’s not happened in a long time. I don’t really know what I was thinking, I was just being stupid.” Steve admits, looking down at his shoes, his cheeks red in embarrassment.

“Between the two of you? What the fuck happened between the two of you?” a fire lit up behind Eddies eyes.

You sigh, not having it in your heart to be angry with Steve, he must have just not known that the two of you were together, or maybe Eddie hadn’t mentioned it yet.

“Remember that guy.. that kissed me... and I came over to your house crying?” you say defeated; you point over at Steve. He raises his hand with a sympathetic look on his face.

“Guilty is charged,” Steve says lightheartedly, trying to lighten the mood.

“YOU kissed her? Jesus Christ this is so fucked up” Eddie says, pacing between the two of you, trying to clear his head. Steve nods his head, his eyes moving back and forth trying to put his thoughts together.

“Did I kiss you when you guys were together? Did you come over and check on me while you were with him?” Steve’s finger pointed at Eddie, his eyes sadder than they were a minute ago.

Eddies eyes now huge wildfires and looks at you, crossing his arms.

“What the fuck is he talking about Y/N, when did you go and see him?” he spits.

Now it was your turn for your mouth to open and close, your brain no longer able to form any words.

“No Steve, we weren’t together when we kissed. Eds listen it wasn’t like that, I just felt bad and was worried about him because he stopped coming to class. When I got to his place he was drunk and I just helped him clean up his house that’s all.” You reassure Eddie, but his expression was blank and his eyes cold.

“I asked when Y/N, when did you go over to his house?” he mutters quietly.

“3 Days ago,” you admit apologetically, looking anywhere besides Eddies disapproving eyes.

“You mean the day after we had sex? The day after “I” let YOU in?” Eddie fumes.

You bite your lip and look at him, searching for your Eddie, searching for the warmth in his eyes. But you saw nothing, he didn’t even look like himself, his face contorted in anger.

Eddie takes a few steps towards you, a frown on his face and hurt in his eyes. You flinch at his expression, you have never seen Eddie look so mad and upset, it’s so jarring. You rarely even heard the man yell.

“So, let me get this straight, you kiss Steve, and then you came running over to my house, and you let ME kiss you? And then when after we have sex, pretty fucking good sex I might add, you go over to HIS house? Un-fucking-believable Y/N,” he snarls, his voice breaking at the end.

You slump your shoulders, you needed to make him understand, to know how much he means to you.

“Eddie, I- “

“You’re fucking my dad?” You hear a voice call out from the entrance of the bar.

All the blood in your body turns to ice, this is not how you wanted her to find out, you and Eddie had a whole plan. That plan likely now in the trash, you didn’t even know if Eddie was going to forgive you.

“Violet, please not now” you hear Eddie say tiredly.

“No wait let ME get this straight” she says, stepping closer to the three of you, tears swimming in her eyes.

“Not only are you fucking my dad, YOU my best friend since middle school, AND you kissed my uncle Steve?!” she says, her lips upturned in a fake smile that was like a slap to the face.

“We were going to tell you tomorrow Vi, I promise I wasn’t trying to hide it from you. I just-“ you knew any words that you said to her right now weren’t going to matter, you could tell by the look on her face that she’s already made up her mind. You stifle a sob, looking at Eddie for help.

Eddie turns towards you, but the Eddie you had come to know wasn’t there. Almost no emotion in his eyes, he looks at you mournfully, almost like he pitied you.

“We were waiting until we knew it was serious Vi, it’s not all her fault either, take it easy,” he warns.

“No stop talking, I’ll deal with you later” she snaps, dismissing her father.

“So, what are you some kind of slut? You kiss someone else while you’re with my dad? What kind of fucking monster are you? I don’t even know who you are anymore!” she wails tears like waterfalls down her pretty face.

You didn’t know the answer to her questions, but you knew she was right. You are a monster, you’re like a hurricane that bulldozes everything it touches.

“Violet please, I’m sorry I promise I didn’t mean to hurt you, I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. You’re all the family I have, just please let’s go home so we can talk this all out.” your legs wobble, threatening to give out below you, sobs wracking in your chest. Your entire world was crashing down around you, and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

“No, we’re done, I can’t even look at you right now. Stay the fuck away from me and MY family,” she warns.

Violet turns and walks away from the three of you and the bar, you go to follow her, but a large hand envelops your shoulder.

“You probably shouldn’t,” Eddie says flatly.

“But I need to, I need to make things right, I can’t just leave it like this!” you plead with him, fresh tears blurring your vision.

Eddie nods his head knowing you well enough by now to know why you feel this way. “I think its best if there’s some space from the two of you… and us for now.”

“Wait what? Are you breaking up with me?” you squeak, the words pushing the rest of the air from your lungs. By this point your legs are numb from the cold air, anxiety filled your body making you shake like a leaf and your teeth chatter. You couldn’t even feel the cold anymore, your body feels like it's on fire, threatening to explode from the inside out.

“Eddie please, please don’t do this, don’t do this to me” you plead, begging with everything you have in you, every breath every feeling, every kiss re playing in your brain.

I can’t lose you I can’t lose you I can’t lose you please please please please don’t go

Eddie rubs his hand behind his neck, he looks tired, his eyes rimmed with tears of his own, he blinks them away and looks at you.

“I just need some space, maybe someday we can revisit this, but I can’t do this right now, I need to make things right with my daughter. She comes first, I’m sorry” he explains.

You nod your head in understanding and defeat, of course Violet comes first. Your head was so clouded in panic you forgot about how this would affect his relationship with her.

Eddie looks at Steve and then looks at you, he gives you one final nod before he walks away into the night looking for Violet.

You sink onto the cold hard sidewalk, you put your head on your knees, your back shaking harshly while all the held in tears and sobs come out in droves. You cried for what felt like hours, occasionally hearing drunk people coming out of the bar. Before you knew it the muted music playing in the bar stopped and the lights on the inside went out. You lift your head up to rest on your knees, your eyes surely swollen from all the crying, your whole body hurt. Partially from sitting so long, but also because you don’t think you’ve ever cried so hard in your life. Your eyes hurt, your chest ached, and your throat felt like it was on fire.

You see movement to your left and look to see Steve sitting next to you patiently on the pavement. His arms on his knees, he turns his head to look at you, his eyes full of worry.

“Sorry if I startled you or something, I just- I didn’t like the idea of you being downtown all by yourself in your state. I hope that’s okay” he says kindly.

His warmness making your chest hurt, you didn’t deserve his kindness, or anyone’s kindness after everything that happened.

“You don’t have to stay with me, I’ll just call an uber or something...” you say softly, wiping the rest of the tears from your face.

Steve doesn’t say anything, he just stands up and at first you think he’s going to take you at your word and leave. Then you feel his hand on your back, ushering you up, you start to protest. But he just ushers you silently towards his car. He gets in the driver’s side and turns on the car, then he gets out and helps you into the passenger side, holding you gently.

“I turned the seat warmers on, feel free to turn the heat up, you must be freezing.” He says softly. He shuts your car door for you and then ruffles around in the back seat before opening your car door again and wrapping you up in a warm blanket.

“I have this stashed for emergencies, seems like the right time to use it.” He states, fussing over you making sure you’re completely covered by the blanket.

New tears well in your eyes, your heart spilling out of you, it’s all too much. The whiplash of the argument with Eddie and Violet and now Steve being the sweetest man in the world to you. As if you aren’t the worst person to ever exist. You didn’t deserve this, you should be locked away for your crimes . Not wrapped up in a blanket and handled with care, it wasn’t fair to Eddie or Violet.

“We really were going to tell her, ya know? And- and I didn’t mean for things to happen with Eddie after we kissed, it just happened. It’s all so messy and it’s all my fault, I fucked it all up!” You sob.

Steve looks back at you mournfully.

“I know, honey, I know,” he says softly.

The two of you sit in some more silence while you cry, then you feel his warm hand start rubbing little circles into your back, which only makes you sob harder, but even so, you find yourself leaning into his touch. Leaning into any type of comfort, your heart hurt too much, you couldn’t take it, you need it to go away.

Eventually, you stop crying and Steve gets in the driver side to drive you home, you just look out the window, allowing your body to thaw under the blanket. You eventually give Steve directions to your apartment, and go back to looking out the window, your eyes getting heavier and heavier the longer you were sitting wrapped in your blanket cocoon.

When you wake, you hear the car door opening and feel Steve’s strong arms scoop you against his chest. You smell his intoxicating cologne; you hadn’t smelled it in so long, but it awoken something in you. You blinked slowly, taking in your surroundings. He had not taken you home, to your lonely apartment filled with the memories of you and Eddie. Instead, you were being carried through the front door of his house and entering a very familiar foyer. Steve sets you down on a comfy couch in a room you assume is the living room.

You stare at him in confusion, your brain fogged over from tonight’s events. He looks a little nervous, his knee bouncing up and down.

“Uh sorry, you fell asleep, and I didn’t like the idea of you going home and being by yourself. I can still take you home if you’d like, I just I dunno...I was worried about you,” he confesses, his honey brown eyes staring up at you expectantly.

You wipe away the sleep and the dried tears from your eyes, you sit up sorely, your body punishing you for sitting on the hard pavement for so long. You feel more vulnerable than you’d like to admit, in Steves house with barely any clothes on. You rub your arms trying to soothe yourself, wrapping yourself up tighter in Steves blanket.

“Thank you” you squeak, your voice hoarse from crying so much. He smiles slightly and nods, scratching the back of his neck before he speaks next.

“You’re welcome to stay...if you’d like, I have plenty of guest rooms for you to sleep in. No pressure though,” he says hurriedly.

You mull over his offer, the idea of staying over made your stomach feel sick with guilt but also burn with curiosity. Then you thought again about getting back in his car, and going back home to your apartment, alone with your thoughts, replaying tonight’s events over and over again.

“If it’s alright with you... I think I’d like to stay,” you say meekly, fidgeting with your hands.

The anxiety on Steve’s face diminishes, nodding at you eagerly. “Please, mi casa es su casa,” he gestures to his house and chuckles lightly to clear the air.

You look at him gratefully, the two of you make some light small talk before he gives you the grand tour of the house. He explains it used to be his parents’ house before they moved to Florida after his dad retired. He went on to tell you that he wasn’t very close with his parents, they always resented him for never marrying or having any kids of his own. You felt even more guilty now, not only had Steve left his job because of you, but that meant more time stuck in this house, thinking about what a disappointment he is to his parents. The self-pity spiral is starting to grow bigger and bigger inside your head once again, the spell only broken when Steve puts his hand on your back, and your mind goes silent.

Focusing on the warmth and pressure his hand is leaving on your back. In contrast to all the shitty things that happened this evening, you’re allowing yourself this one nice thing. It reminded you of simpler times, when you just had a little crush on your sociology professor, before the kiss, before everything with Eddie. You remember the first time he put his hand on your back, it was the first day you went into his office when he helped you take care of that parking ticket. You remember how your insides twisted and turned with excitement. Then, when you became his TA, it was something you looked forward to when the two of you were alone together.

“And this is one of the many guest bedrooms, feel free to pick anyone you like there’s plenty to choose” he states cheerfully.

Steve shows you the rest of the house, your mind boggled by how big the house really is, castle might be a better word for it.

Steve escorts you towards one of the many bathrooms on the second floor leaving you alone to shower and freshen up, the bathroom stocked with the fluffiest towels you’ve ever felt in your entire life. The guest bathroom alone seemed bigger than your whole apartment. You let the hot water envelop you, hugging every part of your body.

You sit on the cold tiles of the shower, trying to figure out what to do. You think about Violet first, the person who ha been your best friend for as long as you can remember, the only one who has always been in your corner, now gone. You feel tears at the edges of your very sore eyes. Then you think of Eddie, the sweetest guy to ever exist, and the only one to ever make you feel worthy of love.

How did you fuck this up so badly?

You let a few more tears fall, meeting the warm water down the drain. You rub your eyes, the skin around your eyes raw from all the crying, you can’t remember the last time you cried this much. It made you feel so small and fragile, like if someone breathed at you the wrong way, you’d crumble into a million pieces. You let a few more tears fall before you take a deep breath and finish your shower. You shake away your thoughts, thinking about how differently this day had started versus how it was ending, everything taken away from you so quickly.

You were grateful for Steves kindness, it felt nice to not be in your apartment. To be away from the mess you had made, you could almost allow yourself to forget.. almost.

When you walk into the guest bedroom you see a pair of plaid boxers and a big grey t-shirt left on the bed for you, you pick up the t-shirt laid out before you and bring it up to your nose. Your shoulders relax as the scent fills your nostrils. The scent of Steve, not even his cologne, just him. It made your brain dizzy. Once you finish getting dressed you hear a knock on the door.

“Come in!” you call out. Steve emerges from the other side of the door, holding a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol. He shakes the bottle in his hand and comes to sit next to you on the bed.

“Oh gosh Thank you so much” you say gratefully taking the glass of water and taking two Tylenol.

Steve waves you off, you will be forever in awe of the way Steve is able to make anything seem like a piece of cake. He never made you feel like a burden, something you are always concerned about. It made you feel a little more at ease.

“You really didn’t have to do all this for me, it’s my own mess that I gotta figure out how to clean up, I feel bad that you went through all this trouble for me” you confess, guilt already filling your chest again. These were the consequences of your own actions, and you needed to deal with it. You think about how unfair you’ve been, not only to Eddie or Violet, but to Steve as well. None of them deserved to be caught up in your hurricane, but yet they all paid the price somehow.

“You’d do it for me...you have done it for me” he says quietly, looking at his hands.

You turn your head, studying his face, he seemed slightly embarrassed but mostly sad.

“You didn’t have to come over and check on me, especially not when I drunk texted you like an idiot. You were so kind, and I was so pathetic.” He runs his fingers through his hair, shaking his head slightly.

“Anyone would have done that Steve, really it’s okay, I didn’t mind helping. Everyone needs some help every now and again,” you say dismissing him.

“Exactly, so why don’t you take your own advice and let me help you?” he counters, sticking up one of his eyebrows in retort.

You try and find a reason, but you couldn’t think of a good one. Your brain is exhausted, you need comfort.. a hug, something.

“C’mere” Steve mumbles, opening his arms to you, like he could read your mind, but knowing you, your face doesn’t hide much. Your pain was probably written all over your face. You didn’t have anything left in you to deny yourself any longer, that left when Eddie did. You crawl into Steves arms and let out a deep breath for one of the first times tonight. He wraps his strong arms around you, the two of you sit like that for a bit. Steve never pulling away, just letting you cuddle up against him for as long as you need.

You sigh in his arms, allowing yourself to fully relax, you wrap your fingers around Steves shirt. Bringing him impossibly closer to you, taking in his intoxicating scent once again. His heartbeat against your ear warming you more than the shower did, making your body relax completely against his. After today’s events, this little bit of affection was like a drug, a drug that was filling your body with need. Desire brewing inside you, begging you to forget, pleading with you to give into your deepest needs.

You pull back from Steve's embrace, just enough to be a couple inches from his face, you could feel his breath on your cheeks. You look into his eyes, but he's not looking at you. He’s looking at your lips, you can see his brain fighting the urge to kiss you. And that diminishes the rest of your resolve, you lean in closer to his lips. Steve eagerly meets you halfway, his lips a hungry attack on your own. Not like the way he kissed you back in his office so many weeks ago, that kiss was swift and innocent. This kiss was one filled with passion and need, he grabs the back of your neck, almost like a promise to himself that he wouldn’t let you go this time. You entwine your fingers into his silky locks at the nap of his neck, pulling him closer to you. That elicits a groan from Steve, only making your need for him grow stronger. His moan makes your brain short circuit, the most primal part of you coming out of its cave, ready to play. You couldn’t even count how many nights during the start of the school year you would imagine what he sounded like, with your hand between your legs.

Steve grabs your waist and pulls you onto his lap, you mindlessly grind against his lap selfishly trying to find any type of friction against your core. You moan into each other’s mouths, a song of your combined desperation for each other. The two of you are a tangled mess of hands, lips, and tongues.

Steve grabs at the edges of your (his) shirt, pulling it up and over your head. It takes Steve no time to start his assault on your chest. Leaving open mouthed kisses on your skin, nipping and sucking on your nipples, making you grind down harder on his lap.

“Damn... you’re so fucking beautiful,” he moans into your chest, his voice making you throw your head back in pleasure, answering him with a moan of your own. His eyes wild in lust, slightly bloodshot from the previous events, but still trained on you, like you’re the only thing that mattered in the world right now. Steve's grip on you was firm but not bruising, another way he showed you how much he cared for you, even now. You hold onto his shoulders for support, grinding down faster into his lap. The head of his cock rubbing deliciously against your clit, you could feel your arousal soaking the cloth of Steve’s boxers, you’d be embarrassed if you weren’t so incredible turned on.

Wanting to see more of him you tug his shirt off too, running your hands through his dark brown chest hair.

He guides you to lay down on the bed, his weight on top of you only adding to the feeling of his cock in between your folds. You moan loudly, pushing your hips against his, the pleasure building deep inside you.

“You sound so pretty baby, so so pretty” Steve praises you, leaving little kisses along your pulse point. He makes his way down your body, leaving kisses on every open patch of skin he could find. Reaching the hem of his boxers hanging lowly on your waist, looking up at you, his eyes asking permission to move forward with his thought. You nod your head quickly, in your hazy state you’d probably let him do about anything to you right now. He leaves a kiss right below your belly button as a thank you as he slides of your (his) boxers, pushing your legs open to fully expose yourself to him.

Steve lets out a pained moan, spreading your lips, inspecting every inch of your center like it was painted my da Vinci himself.

“Jesus christ baby, look at you.. soo wet” He admires, barely audible to you, almost like he was talking to himself. Steve leaves chaste kisses on your thighs, making them slightly in anticipation. Finally Steve licks a long stripe from your center to your clit, flicking your clit with the point of his tongue.

“Fuck Steve oh-oh my god,” you whimper, you were already so needy and you barely started.

Steve goes to town like a man starved, if it didn’t feel so damn good, you’d be worried that he wasn’t coming up for air. His tongue darting expertly in and out of your core, his handsomely pointed nose rubbing up against your clit making you see stars.

Your legs threaten to close, unable to hold them open any longer, smushing Steve's face. His hands guide your thighs open wider than before, getting impossibly closer to your heat. Your body hurtling embarrassingly fast towards your release already, you grab a fist full of his hair to steady yourself.

Free of consequences, and pain, it’s ecstasy.

Steve moans deliciously into your core, the vibration sending another wave of pleasure down your spine, rolling your hips into his face.

“H-holy shitt, look at you baby, makin’ such a mess for me, such a good girl,” he coos at you, making you clench around nothing. The whole bottom half of his face glistening with your arousal, not that it seemed to bother Steve. He looked like a kid in a fucking candy store, greedily sucking, nipping, and licking every drop you gave him. He’s a man possessed.

With every lick of Steve’s tongue, you were getting closer and closer to pure bliss. The headboard behind you rocking back and forth against the wall obnoxiously, you look down below you to see Steve's hips rocking against the mattress as he was buried deep in between your legs. What a fucking sight.

He's so pretty

That image alone brings you right at the edge, your hips grinding fervently against his face, your combined moans filling the room

“Yeah, right there, fuck right fucking there!” you wail.

His hands tighten around your thighs, doubling down between your folds.

“Fuck Fuck Fuck I’m gonnna... I’m gonna cum!” you scream as your vision whites out and euphoria floods your system. Your ears ringing, the only thing you can hear is the mixed moans of you and Steve. Your on cloud nine, your brain thanking you, your mind clear of Eddie and Violet, only Steve. Steve's hands, mouth, lips, tongue, everything Steve.

Once you come down from your high, you look at Steve hungrily, sitting up to capture his lips with yours. Your release tangy on his tongue. He wraps his arms around you, smooshing you back onto the bed.

“Your turn” you say with a smirk, flipping him over onto his back.

“Uh.. no need” Steve says sheepishly, looking down at the wet spot that formed in his grey sweatpants. Your mouth hung open in an “O” shape. Steve just came from eating you out

… holy shit...

“Holy shit” you say, your eyes unable to move from the mess he made in his pants.

“Yeah, holy shit” he chimes in, clearly a little embarrassed by his actions. You didn’t want him to be embarrassed, he had no need to be. He is just one of the sexiest men alive that’s all, no big deal. You look up at him with lust still in his eyes, and lean over his mess. You leave open mouth kisses on the fabric, licking lightly with your tongue. You taste bits of Steve's release, making you moan wishing for more.

“Jesus- Fuck!” Steve hisses, his hips buckle at the sensation, still sensitive from his climax. You look back up at him innocently, giving him a light kiss on the cheek.

“What am I gonna do with you, you naughty girl” he smirks, shaking his head back and forth. The question hanging uncomfortable in the air...

What the fuck were the two of you going to do? What the fuck was that?

Eventually the two make your way to the bathroom, Steve leaves momentarily to change into different pants and leaves you to clean yourself. Upon his return he brought you a new pair of boxers and you thank him gratefully. The other pair completely pathetically soiled.

Looking at Steve post orgasm should be its own art exhibit, his grey-brown hair messy from being pulled and tugged, his eyes still slightly blown in lust, his lips pink, and his chest delightfully bare. How could he get even more beautiful? You wished your mind to take a picture to remember this.

Steve walks you back to your room and sits next to you on the bed, so many unsaid words hung in the air. Firstly, you didn’t want Steve to think this was some kind of a rebound, of course it felt good, but you had been wanting Steve since the first day he set foot in the classroom. Then there was Eddie, your wound still fresh from your breakup. You really do care for Eddie, he was the best boyfriend you’ve ever had, but that didn’t diminish your feelings for Steve. You knew that if Eddie found out about what the two of you had done, you’d just hurt him even more than you already have. You stomach started twisting in knots, the mess you made growing bigger by the hour bringing in more casualties. Your brain is even more confused than it was a few hours ago, if that’s even possible.

“This doesn’t have to be a thing, you know? We don’t have to talk about it ever again. Scouts honor,” He confesses, smiling warmly at you.

“I’m so sorry Steve, I didn’t mean for this to happen, I- I don’t know what happened, I just...”

“You’re sorry? I should be the one who’s apologizing, I feel like a fucking monster. You were a little drunk, and so was I, and I didn’t stop it even though I should have. You don’t have to explain yourself to me at all Y/N, okay?” he interrupts.

You feel some tension leaving your shoulders, although you didn’t think it was Steve’s fault at all. But all the energy you had to argue with him, had been squashed by the orgasm Steve so wonderfully gifted to you, your body now beyond exhausted, begging you for sleep. You bring your knees up to your chest and yawn.

“Okay Stevie,” you say, your eyes fluttering, fighting to stay open.

Steve smiles warmly at the nickname, “Alright, well I’ll let you get some rest, I’m just down the hall if you need anything”

You watch Steve get up and walk towards the door, anxiety filling your head watching him leave. You didn’t want him to go. You remember how nice his arms felt around you not an hour ago, and how calm your brain is when he’s around.

“Steve?” you say barely audible.

“Yeah?” he says his eyes showing a hint of concern and anticipation.

“Stay with me?” you beg pathetically. You know its not right, you know you shouldn’t want him, or crave him. What about Eddie, what about fucking Eddie. But your heart ached with the thought of sleeping so close but so far from him, the need for him ached deep inside your bones.

Silence fills the room, the two of you looking at each other, knowing the answer to your question could change everything. You open your mouth saying you’ve changed your mind, feeling stupid again for the hundredth time tonight.

But as you’re about to say something, Steve closes the door and sits next to you on the bed. Steve's eyes are tired, you look at the clock next to you and it’s nearly 5 am, Steve had the patience of a god. You let out the breath you were holding, the bubble of anxiety dissipating from your chest.

“Go on, get comfy, I know you’re exhausted” Steve orders, motioning towards the covers. You wrap yourself up under the very expensive looking blankets, Steve tugging the blankets up higher making sure you were comfy before settling in behind you. He envelops you with his arms, pulling you closer, your back now flush with his chest and your head resting comfortable under his. Steve is so warm, like the sun, filling your body with its heat, your eyes eyes getting heavy. He rubs soothing circles into your bare skin that’s open to him.

“’s this okay?” he breathes quietly into your ear.

“Yeah.. perfect,” you whisper, alright on the verge of sleep.

Dreamland finds you not long after, the dull ache in your chest soothed by the warmth of Steve’s body next to you in bed.

Tag List!: If you wanna be added to the tag list just lemme know! Must be 18+!

@sweetblinginrose @tlclick73 @paleidiot @frogtape @too-efn-old-to-be-here @peaches-roses-sins @micheledawn1975 @untitled74745 @hellv1ra @alastorssimp @star-of-velaris @yeaiamme2 @itdobe-liza @mmaaddyy @cozyquinn @bunny7232 @eddiesguitarskills

#chaoticcupcakeee fics #eddie munson #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson smut #steve harrington smut #eddie munson x reader #steve harrington x reader #steddie x reader #older!eddie munson #older!eddie munson x reader #older!steve harrington #older!steve harrington x reader #eddie munson x steve harrington x reader #eddie munson x reader x steve harrington #steve harrington x reader x eddie munson #steve harrington x eddie munson x reader

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beedesigns · 1 year ago

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My Favourite VS Code Extensions

This actually started with a conversation about favourite VS Code themes which got me to thinking. But as always I had to be that little bit extra. So, here are a few of my favourite VS Code extensions that I think would be particularly helpful for new coders or folks just starting with VS Code.

These are in no particular order! I've tried to keep the list to extensions that help read your code and make thinsg pretty. There are hundreds of extensions for almost every type of code, but I wanted focus on ones for beginners. Ones that won't encourage you to become too lazy relying on shortcuts. So, with no further ado, here we go:

Colorize

This extension will highlight any colours (hex, rgb, hsl etc) in your code.

Auto Rename Tag

Okay, this one might make you a little bit lazy. Sometimes you need to switch things up, and that can start to get complicated if you're working on a lot of code. This extension will change the opening or closing tag name paired with the one you manually change. It prevents mispellings that will break your code and makes life easier.

Spellcheck

Ever typed heder instead of header? Or justfy-content instead of justify-content? Well, this extension will help pick up on those typos and keep your code clean (and working!).

Indent Rainbow

This is such a small thing, but possibly one of my favourites on the list. Indent rainbow does pretty much what it says on the tin, adding a coloured line down the lefthand side along the indent of your code. It looks pretty and helps easily keep track of where you are.

Color Picker

Who doesn't love beautiful colours? Colour Picker lets you choose all the beautiful colours you could want without having to leave VS Code.

HTML Checker

This extension helps prevent errors by checking your code against the W3C Markup Validation Service searching for errors. Great of avoiding issues further down the line. Useful for beginners and pros alike to be honest.

Rainbow Brackets

I tend to find this one more useful in javascript, but it's good for everything. I used to use another, also called Rainbow Brackets but that's been depricated, and I like the default colours in this one. There are a few, so shop around.

Prettier

This extension forces a set format on your code, keeping things neat and tidy. It can take a little getting used to but the documentation is pretty good. Helps build good habits, keeping things uniform and easy to read.

These are just a few of the ones I've personally got installed. As I mentioned, there are hundreds of different extensions. Many of which will do the same thing. So, make sure you have a look around and find what works best for you!

Which extension would you recommend for a beginner?

#vscode #vscode extensions #codeblr #coding resources #things i like

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teacup-captor · 2 months ago

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I love your headers!! Would you be willing to show your previous ones? I like how they evolve as you find new interests :D

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING OH MY GOD.

For a bit of context, for a few fucking YEARS my tumblr header was a userbox that just read "This user's special interest is Steven Universe". I kept wanting to change it, but I didn't have anything else to change it to, and I was always hesitant because it was always still too accurate. So I pulled this psychological experiment on myself and I succeeded and I got SUUUUUUPER hyperfixated on Good Omens and decided to make THIS!!!!!!

I still love this!! It's my second favorite iteration of the header because look at these colors they're so damn nice! I made this header with the express purpose of changing it as I get new super big hyperfixations, also I just felt the need to add a disclaimer to my blog LMAO I was reblogging SO DAMN MUCH FANART. That's basically all I reblogged 😭 The plan was always to watch the header have leftovers of whatever other interests I got. Along the way new things will come and occupy most of the space in my head, but there will still be remnants of the other things I love and have loved. This header is and will continue to be a visual representation of that and it's beautiful

Now here comes S\herlock & Co., which at the time was actually maybe my most intense hyperfixation ever. Like I mean I was thinking about this shit all day. I haven't shared as much art in AGES. I thought it'd be really fun to just cover up Good Omens with cardboard, but it really didn't look like cardboard, and the tape would be like disproportionately huge lmao. My fave part about this then was how the tape had little air bubbles. My favorite part about it now is probably that you can still see the "G" from the original header, and that the L in Sherlock is capital by accident. I have this real habit of accidentally writing uppercase letters at random when I get too excited. Usually it's in the start of words though lmao :P Also you can see how I specifically didn't plan out the spacing because of the large gap after "Co." that I filled with a smiley. During this time I also had my FIRST EVER profile picture change on tumblr. I'd had the same profile picture since I JOINED. My discord friends, especially those who see me using PK, know damn well we're indicisive with our PFPs lmao so changing a pfp we'd had for a long time was a big thing for us

I also changed the background color on this. In my head this is in like 5 different layers. The unaffected arch around my PFP, the color changing background (that still remains in the same kind of gradient, though), the color changing "I just have AuDHD", the permanent "This isn't a Good Omens themed blog I swear", and then everything else I can put on top. This totally isn't how it works, but I'm imagining the background as like an LED kind of thing hehehe :3c

Oh boy. Iden part 2. I was NOT in a good space during this time. I didn't know what to do with myself, what kind of fandoms to turn to instead and whatnot, and I wasn't ready to let go of this thing that had been so good to me before. That's why I just scribbled red marker over the "& Co." part and changed the smiley to a frowny. Because I was NOT feeling :). I also really liked how the marker went onto the background. It was an accident but I kept it.

Aaaaand away with Sherlock!! I. Got. So. Fucking. Hyperfixated. On. Paper Mario Origami King. Oh my god. I played it so much it hurt. That's the first Mario game I ever finished, as far as I remember as well omg asgsjghaf

Mario has been a special interest before, and it made a grand return!!! My faves are Peach and Bowser and they always will be. And I LOVE Mario Kart ok?

I also started to listen to Find Us Alive here :D I was working over summer and it took me an hour to take the bus home, so I'd listen to FUA as I played Paper Mario :P it was BEAUTIFUL ✨

I also changed my pfp back to the one I had for years at that point I couldn't stand having the previous one anymore

Oh and look at Super Mario. It says SuPer Mario. With a capital P. I did NOT do that on purpose ashgsajask

Derpy Hooves. Derpy Hooves. DERPY HOOOOOVES!!!!

I've loved My Little Pony for AGES and Derpy's always been one of my faves. This is when I tipped over the edge though heahgshdjsf

I drew the hearts because this is when I changed to my Derpy Hooves pfp :D

Oh and see how the "E" in Derpy is capital?? Told you I had a thing lmao

This wasn't all that intense of a hyperfixation, so I knew it wouldn't last long. I didn't have anything to replace it with, though. UNTIIIIIIIIL...

Oh my GOD, look at this beauty. It's my favorite so far. I'm trying to make the gradients match the colors I associate my current Biggest Thing with, and right now it's a beautiful black white and red combo. I didn't make it all black though, because the header would be entirely unreadable. Look at this, it's a mess. It's painted over all willy nilly. There's marker still visible. That one piece of tape is STILL there. There's HOLES in it for heaven's sake! And... Is that the spray paint from the Mario iteration?!!! Good fucking lord this is a mess. Look at how horribly spaced all that text is. Did I even plan for this?! Those flowers look so silly! Dumptruck is here...? He's not even IN this podcast!!! I fucking love it so much you have no idea. "Glass explodes ok?" is one of my fave references. Glass explosion chamber 2024

I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE HOW IT WILL CHANGE EVEN FURTHER I LOVE MY HEADER SO MUCH THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK!!

If anyone wants to do something like this, go ahead!! ^w^

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viviennevermillion · 11 months ago

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Mortals and Fools — First Look #1 (Coming Soon)

Want to read a SFW coming-of-age fantasy novel with evil gods, two adult aspec protagonists and magic? Consider supporting this project!

Author's Note: After a total of 8 years of posting fanfiction on this account, I am excited to announce that I am finally starting my first long-term original work as an author! Goal is to get this series published as an actual novel but until then, I will be uploading chapters online as I write them, hopefully building an audience in the process! Mortals and Fools will be available on Wattpad and potentially other platforms. The first 4 chapters will be uploaded to Tumblr as well. Over the next few weeks I will keep uploading promo posts with new characters and more info! Thank you so much to everyone who has supported me as a writer over the years and welcome to everyone who's new here!

Summary: In the land of Elsthess, brilliant but arrogant Dr. Immanuel Faust is doing his best to follow the teachings of the Goddess of Wisdom, live up to his late grandmother's expectations and hide the fact that he has been seeing strange, mystical apparitions all his life. When his pupil becomes afflicted with an ancient curse and the things he has seen turn out to be more than just hallucinations, Immanuel must forge a contract with Morgan, a being from another realm who's ready to humble him at every turn, and learn his religion's most despised art: magic. As he steps outside of the simple world he has grown up in, he slowly comes to realize that there is much more to learn for him still.

Themes:

The Meaning of Wisdom & Growth

Unlearning harmful narratives and prejudices

Religious Trauma

Healing from Abuse

Rebuilding trust in others

Learning to understand others

Navigating radical changes during adulthood

Elitism and class inequality

The problems with the ideal of meritocracy

Queerplatonic & Alterous Attraction

Addiction

Gender Dysphoria

What this story contains:

A variety of fun magical powers!

Evil Gods & Forces from other Realms!

Queer rep! (demisexual & aroace protagonists, a trans man and a wlw couple)

Mysteries to unravel

The coming-of-age fantasy adventures you're used to from YA novels but with characters in their 20s and struggles of adulthood

Humor

My blood, sweat and tears as an author

The Cast: Introducing 3 Characters

Here's some info on the three characters in the header, from left to right!

#1 — Dr. Immanuel Icarus Faust

❝ It wasn't supposed to be like this... I've failed... as both a doctor and a man of faith. I wanted to follow your teachings, dear Goddess, and guide those who seek wisdom and knowledge, as grandmother did... but I couldn't even save one innocent girl. Have I become godless? ❝

Raised by his grandmother, the High Priestess of Solbrynn's temple, Immanuel was taught from an early age on to aspire to be the best in everything he attempted to do and dedicate his life to wisdom, in order to make the Goddess Adira proud. Having become a renowned physician at the age of 28, Immanuel understands himself as his kingdom's ideal of a self-made man: a scholar who can achieve everything he puts his mind to, no matter the circumstances. As a result, he has put himself on a pedestal, believing that those who achieved less than him had all the chances and merely didn't use them. Fearing nothing more than failure and becoming anything like his absent, alcoholic father; Immanuel is bound for a rude awakening.

#2 — Morgan Miralaith

❝ While you were having your existential crisis in the mad scientist laboratory you call your bedroom, I took the liberty to read your grandmother's diary. The good news is, I finally understand where all the hubris comes from. ❝

Morgan, belonging to a long-lived species from the realm of Calliah, is the second-in-command for the Elsthess Resistance against the Plague Avatars. While the Resistance on Mhorunn regards her as a capable leader and a skilled fighter; using fire magic to blaze her way to victory; it is clear to most that she has many secrets and ulterior motives. She cares about others in her own way, yet hardly lets anyone close to her. With her mischievous demeanor and cynical nature, Morgan has made it her new mission to recruit Immanuel for the Resistance and, while at it, shatter his very distorted self-image and worldview. Upon forging a contract with her, Immanuel believes that he has sold his soul to a demon. It is only upon meeting others of her kind that he realizes that really is just her personality.

#3 — Mortis Grimm

❞ People reject that which is foreign to them. You of all people should know this. Still, my personal aspirations and origins are of no concern to you. Remember that. ❝

While there are several people from the Realm of Calliah in Elsthess, the realm that Mortis Grimm originated from is unknown. He seems to be the only one of his kind and there is something sinister about him. Wielding powerful magic that matches no other in recorded nature, Mortis, despite being the leader of the Resistance, is a big mystery to all of its members. Usually donning a Plague Doctor mask, Morgan is among the few to have seen his face. He is Mhorunn's greatest ally, but hardly a trusted one. Most understand that he could just as well become its greatest enemy one day.

Interested in reading more and receiving updates as they're posted? Comment on this post and tell me if you'd like to be added to the taglist! Reblogs are appreciated to spread the word! 💞

Taglist — @gwaaaaar @silveryloneliness @noxochicoztliv @justletmeon12 @averytirednerd @letsallsleepoverwork @styrofauxm @non-pressurizeddiamond @mangoinacan13 @amateurmasksmith @kenobiblue @soru-dee @pictures-of-the-stars @elf-osamu @animusicnerd @jaytherat-hometothereblog @watcherofeternalflame

#fantasy novel #aroace #ace representation #aroace representation #demisexual #indie author #webnovel #wattpad #author #writing #authorblr #writers of tumblr #writers on tumblr #indie fantasy #novel promo

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epitomereally · 1 year ago

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Celestial Navigation by @sabrecmc

18 year old Omega!Tony finds himself Bonded to Captain Steve Rogers. He isn't happy about it until he is.

An absolutely gorgeous story of learning to love yourself, even when you feel like you don't fit in & that you grew up wrong. I'm so happy to have gotten to bind this mammoth work for Sabre & as a gift exchange for @mourningmountainsbindery (who bound me this beautiful copy of Astolat's Let the River Run—JUST LOOK AT THAT COVER!).

Also to anyone who has @ed me lately (looking at u, em @powerful-owl & tacky @tackytigerfic particularly) & I've been derelict in responding, here is WHY.

This has been the longest binding project I've undertaken, both in page count and in time. My original message to Sabre was on March 16th—can't decide if I want to use the laughing or crying emoji here—and the colophon says I made the book in April 2023 (which was when I started typesetting, maybe). I had been randomly perusing dying videos on Youtube in bed on a Saturday morning, as one does, and came across a video showing how to spiral tie-dye. I IMMEDIATELY had a design premonition of the full design for this fic as a two-volume set, planted into my brain wholesale by the binding gods. I learned many new techniques throughout the process (edge painting, edge trimming/sanding, tie-dying/dyepainting, embroidery, typesetting meta from tumblr which copy-pastes with the worst goddamn formatting in the world, kill me now). Overall, alternately extremely painful & wonderful, and I'm extremely proud of this set.

Design-wise, I went whole-hog with the scifi stars theme. Endpapers are recolored versions of the star charts from the Apollo 11 mission:

Title page & chapter titles are both rips in the galaxy:

Epigraphs both star-themed:

Some more glamor shots because I'm so proud 💕

8.6 lbs // 3.8 kgs worth of books (~3000 total pages) 🥰

Celestial Navigation is also INCREDIBLY popular, and Sabre has been incredibly generous answering asks on her tumblr + writing additional one-shots in the universe. There is also a veritable volume of fanart. I was so inspired by seeing @robins-egg-bindery copy of ********, with its appendix of fanart & meta, that I promptly copied them.

fanart redacted because lots of the artists are no longer active on tumblr but just know i am ECSTATIC about the amount of art in these books

Lastly, I love how @clovenhoofbindery includes their 'Illustrator mess' with their bind posts, as a behind-the-scenes look into the wild process of designing these books. I don't actually have an Illustrator mess for this book (the chapter titles & title page pretty much came in one take), but I do have a DYING MESS. It took me sososo many tries to figure out how to get the dye to look how I imagined in my head. I ended up 'dye painting' instead of tie-dying in the end, but my inbox is always open to chat hand-dying/tie-dying/dyepainting (or what I did differently between any of these attempts). Numbers are the dying attempt.

Last process shot: I hand-dyed variegated linen thread to match the colors of the bind, which ends up being incredibly difficult to see on the finished bind, but was super fun while I was sewing!

Materials:

Body font: Kepler

Title font: Compaq 1982

Chapter number font: aliens & cows

Endpapers: recolored versions of the star chart used by Michael Collins during the Apollo 11 mission (archived at The Smithsonian)

Bookcloth: dyed using Dharma Trading Procion Fiber-Reactive Dyes

Title page and chapter headers: designed in Photoshop using the Ultimate Space brush pack by jeffrettalyn on DeviantArt

Metallic embroidery thread: Cosmo Nishikiito thread

I would dye for this embroidery thread. It is LIGHT YEARS better than the classic metallic embroidery thread from DMC: much easier to work with & much more sparkly. Literally so eye-catching; it truly doesn't translate to photos.

Paint for edges: Daniel Smith watercolor tubes in Iridescent Sunstone and Prussian Blue

Note: these are GORGEOUS watercolors. The color is so saturated and strong and beautiful BUT I don't think I'd recommend watercolors for edge painting. They went on very differently depending on the grit of the sandpaper I used for the edges + they sometimes bled into the pages + they had to be set with fixative, which then stuck the pages together.

#blood sweat and TEARS into this bind #and now it is DONE my god #stony #stony fanart #celestial navigation #my fanbinding #posts i actually wrote

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hms-tardimpala · 9 months ago

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Ficbinding: A Complete Kingdom by Komodobits

The fic: SPN, Castiel/Dean Winchester, 85k

This fic had me staying up until 2am to read, it swept me up and flattened me. It's so well-written, so faithful to the characters, so well constructed that all you can do is strap in and enjoy the ride and hope you're not sobbing by the end (a vain hope). It's such a good story, period, that I think it can be enjoyed by non-SPN people. Mind the tags. Summary:

The sea; it swallows me. It comes up to my knees and it swallows me. The boys owe Jody a few dozen favours, and so when her niece goes missing near an old fishing village on the coast of Maine, Dean, Sam, and a newly human Castiel agree to take the case on. They settle into an old abandoned lighthouse-keepers' cottage, and slowly the tide comes in. (post-s8)

The bind: I'm so proud of this one, guys. I tried new things, pretty much everything worked, and I learned new skills!

Let's start with the colors. The story is sea-themed and stormy, so I chose black, dark blue and silver for the cover and light grey and light blue for the headbands and bookmark. I meant to use white for the headbands, but discovered I don't have white ones. It's the first time I do an overlap of fabrics and it turned out awesome. The silver stripe is a simple gift wrapper ribbon.

Typesetting:

The title font is so cool, with a droplet effect. For the part titles I chose a kind of blurry, hazy font because this story is about perception of reality and the loss of it. The chapter titles of the first part are solid, then they're altered in the following parts, to symbolize a slipping grasp on reality as time goes on.

I put headers and bottom-of-page numbers this time, which forced me to figure new things out in LibreOffice and do some maths 💪

The image of a lighthouse also changes in the three parts of the story. If you've read this fic, you know why.

Little wave as a divider.

Making the book:

I hadn't made a big book (printed at the A5 format) in a while and it felt amazing going back to that. It stretched my maths muscles. It's relaxing to do a book and not have to fight for every millimeter, like with small books. It's a more forgiving format.

Trimming went amazingly this time, I'm finding my footing slowly.

I had to sandpaper the edges to color them silver. I don't mind working with sandpaper, but it's quite brutal on the book, and wouldn't do it every time.

The edge painting was made with a silver marker, so I knew it wouldn't be perfect, but it looks good enough and doesn't peel away.

My corners are improving! They look almost perfectly square.

In reaction to the last bind I made, I augmented the overhang (still don't know if that's the word) between the edge of the covers and the edge of the textblock. From 3mm to 5mm. I'm very happy with this, it looks much better!

It's rare that I'm disappointed in a fabric, so I'll highlight here that I don't like this endpaper. It's pretty, but it's a sort of glossy magazine paper that didn't react to glue so well.

Overall, I love this book and this story deeply. I think it may be my best work technically so far.

Fonts: Rained (title), Moonrising (author name), Louis George Cafe (text), Brightness, Brightness Book and Brightness inverted (chapter titles), Snorter (part titles). Materials: 2mm grey board, 80g/m² ivory Clairfontaine A4 paper, synthetic ribbon and headbands (found on amazon), black and blue cloth and endpaper from Schmedt, silver non-textile ribbon (bought in craft store).

Feel free to ask me more about materialsand fonts (or whatever), it won’t bother me at all to tell you what I used, but I��m too lazy rn to write it in this post that’s long enough already.

#ficbinding #bookbinding #my bookbinding #spn fic #komodobits #a complete kingdom

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sunshine304 · 2 years ago

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New Fanbinding!

Over the last week, I’ve finally gotten around to working on some fanbindings again. I wanted to try out the three piece bradle binding described in DAS_bookbinding’s video here and now was the time to do it.

I’ve made two cases in this time, actually, but the other one is for another project where I’m waiting on some ordered paper (because I didn’t have enough, dammit), so I can't proceed right now. It will be posted at a later date.

Behold the beauty I made:

It’s “The Fire Lapping up the Creek” by notevenyou, a fic I absolutely adore! I did the typeset in 2021, printed it then, too – and that was basically it for the last two years. XD But good thing I waited because I felt adventurous now and also had some cool new paper as well as booklinen to use.

Doing the case was a bit of a learning curve, and the other case did not turn out as perfectly as this, though it must be said that that one isn’t done in linen but in paper. This linen here worked like a dream, very easy to handle.

I’m also very pleased with how the waves turned out – they’re lacquered Yuzen that I cut on the upper edge along the wave pattern. It’s pretty much how I imagined the design in my head, mostly. The endpapers also lean heavily into the theme of those “bloody” waves as the story is set in the Burial Mounds for the most part and is heavy on the angst in the first half. It just seemed to fit.

Did the titling with hot foil and a pen, which worked like a dream in this case (the other one was a different matter...).

I also added a few illustrations here and there. Nowadays, I might do more with the chapter headers, but they’re fine. Also, that particular font (Harukaze) always died on me whenever I went over a certain size, so I had to basically a) make it smaller than I wanted to, and b) not touch it at all once it was set to the size. XD

Materials used:

Printed on Clairefontaine Papago 80g (long grain, unfortunately, but it’s okay)

Case + endpapers:

- English Buckram booklinen, library certified - lacquered Yuzen (Japanese paper) “Konami” - Chiyogami paper 60g - hot foil (the cheap stuff)

#fanbinding #bookbinding #my fanbinding #arts and crafts #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #wangxian #mdzs #chen qing ling #books #my posts

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latenightsimping · 2 years ago

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THE EDGE

“...There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who’ve gone over.” - Hunter S. Thompson, Hell’s Angels

Summary: A part of the deal to freedom included a stay at Pennhurst. It’ll take everything to keep the hope that one day the locked doors will open, the windows will no longer have bars that block the view, and that one day, the name Eddie Munson will be synonymous with the word ‘innocent’. The hope, he never realised, would also come to be synonymous with your name.

Chapter: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

Pairing: Eddie Munson x reader

Word count: 3.9k

Warnings: angst, heavy themes of inpatient treatment/hospitalisation, heavy themes of mental health, institutional deprivation of liberties, body injuries, mentions of suicidal ideation, themes of institutional abuse, can be a dark read (continue with that in mind, look after yourselves), canon divergence, Eddie survives the demobat attack, post-S4 timeline, slow burn romance, eventual smut, 18+, eventual fluff, there will be a happy ending

AN: Chapter three is finally here! Many thanks to my lovely boyfriend @mantorokk-writes for test reading and making the header, I'm forever in love with you <3 This series is gonna be a slow work in progress, but thank you for reading so far! Really excited to see where it's gonna go, and how we're gonna get these two out of this pickle. Enjoy!

Taglist: @edsforehead, @idkidknemore, @harrys-tittie, @gaysludge, @smileygoth

A congealed lump of what was apparently mac and cheese, boiled to death vegetables and bitter orange juice. Eddie had become used to shit food long ago, thanks to a lifetime of only buying the cheapest non-brand groceries to try and save costs. But this… This was something else. Fuck, he was surprised it even passed the mark for being fit for human consumption. It reminded him of the stories his old man used to tell about prison food, about how the trick was to eat it without thinking too much, barely savouring the taste before you swallowed. The similarity getting stuck in his throat.

But at least he wasn’t eating his meals in silence anymore. With you sitting opposite him, filling any dead air with talking about the hospital gossip, though he’d given up on trying to follow along after the first apparent affair taking place. But the content didn’t matter. For the first time in so long, maybe even longer than he realised, you had offered him a seat to get out of trouble with no motive behind the action. Had given him his own pack of cigarettes after swindling one from an orderly just before lunch started, the one that seemed to stare at your chest more than your eyes, putting yourself at risk for no gain of your own. It was exceedingly rare to find people that would do something out of the goodness of their hearts, and the question was rattling around his head with such a velocity that it tumbled from his lips before he even realised.

“Why are you doing this?”

Even he internally winced at the lack of warmth in his tone, making it sound more like an accusation than a question. But if it offended you, you didn’t act as if it bothered you. Instead, the corners of your lips twitched upwards, eyes drifting from your tray to his own as you tilted your head.

“What’dya mean?”

Giving himself a few needed seconds to reframe the words in his head with taking a sip of his drink, he swirled the contents of the paper cup, deciding to stare down into it rather than look up. “I mean, why are you helping me? You don’t know me.”

From the very quick glance upwards he chanced, there seemed to be something there that was bittersweet. Eyes slightly widened, mouth downturned, yet an ever so slight huff of a laugh as you balled up a serviette in your hands. “Trust me, I know how it feels to be the new guy on the wing. The way the others look at you like you’re a fuckin’ chew toy?”

He’d noticed the way the other patients stared, when the steel door behind him slammed shut. Some didn’t even look over, too caught up in their own internal world. But there’s a certain feeling that can overcome a person when they’re accustomed to having to be on high alert at all times. A certain flash of the eyes that makes your stomach churn, blood pooling to your feet and your mind telling you to run. You studied his face for a moment, a sympathetic smile briefly twitching at your lips.

“I had someone look out for me too, when I first got here,” you explained, the paper in your hand now being twisted and toyed with as you spoke. “She uh… Her name was Patty. She was this take no shit kinda woman. Taught me the best way to curb the hunger was smoking cigarettes, which orderlies would give pretty girls special treatment, which patients to never go near. That sorta useful shit.”

Though you smiled, it didn’t reach your downcast eyes. “She got sick last year. Didn’t say much about it, but it took a toll on her. It finally got her a couple of months back. And you know what the worst thing was about it?”

Plenty of what you were saying was ‘the worst thing’. Being caught on the wrong side of a power dynamic, having to go hungry because nobody cared, patients having to be caregivers because God forbid those that actually got paid to do it actually did their fucking jobs for once. All of those answers dying on his tongue, replaced with a slow shake of his head.

“Nobody came to see her in the end,” you muttered, brows furrowing as your voice cracked. “She told me she had a son, told me the doctors called him and told him, but he never came. I get it, I mean, not many of us have the luxury of seeing people from the outside… But she was on her fucking deathbed, y’know?”

When your eyes finally met his, glossy with unshed tears that you seemed so determined to never let overspill, there was a look to you that made all the pieces click together. Made the parts of him that he’d kept buried away for self preservation start to rise back to the surface. Taking a firm grasp of his heart and squeezing for good measure.

The look of pure fear.

The fear that one day, both of you would end up like Patty. Untethered to the world outside, cast adrift with the other lost souls. Taking the last few rattled breaths with nobody around to hear them, looking up to the sky and the view still blocked with bars. Nobody with spare change for the ferryman, forever stuck.

“I’m sorry.” It was all he could think to say, no other words seeming quite right. The tone as hollow as he felt, as shaky as the tremors in his hands that never quite seemed to go away. All he could think to say, but the truth. He was sorry you were here, if your proclaimed innocence was to be believed. He was sorry for himself too, deep down.

“It’s whatever,” you replied, clearing your throat as you tried and failed to staple the look of nonchalance back on your face with a half decent result. “Anyway, don’t worry about your first therapy session, alright? I got it covered.”

He shot you a small look of incredulity, head tilted to the side as he followed your lead in piling used napkins and cutlery onto his meal tray. “What’dya mean?”

The smile you gave him next was finally a genuine one, a glimmer in your eye that could only mean mischief.

“You’ll see.”

You could see the stress levels that you tried so desperately to lower over lunch to begin raising as you and Eddie filed into the day room for group therapy. How his jaw clenched so hard you were surprised he didn’t break enamel, a shortening fuse near a naked flame as he took his seat next to you. Leg bouncing with beats akin to a hummingbird’s heart, chewing at the skin around his ruined nails with eyesight dancing around the room to end up on the tile right in front of him. You couldn’t blame him; he was walking into the unknown, with no idea where the hell he would end up. You remembered the feeling well.

Others clad in the same off white uniform as you took their respective seats around you, the energy in the room a palpable, frantic buzz. Nerves, apathy, distaste and mocking. You could feel it all, see it in the faces around you that you’d come to know in the years that you’d been imprisoned. Small naked flames, that could be as harmless as a match or as intense as thermite. The day could go either way. And it would depend on the questions posed to them.

Dr. Madden made his way through the doors, adjusting the thick horned rimmed glasses that permanently perched on his beak-like nose as he took his seat. You’d never liked him; he was nosy, even for a psychiatrist, always putting two and two together to end up with an equation that made no fucking sense. Nothing could ever be simple, in his eyes. Someone’s violent outburst had some convoluted reasoning to do with Daddy issues and not being hugged enough as a child, rather than someone just needing a fucking cigarette and not being given one. It took everything within you not to roll your eyes into the back of your skull as he cleared his throat to begin.

“Good afternoon everyone,” he began, eyes settling over each patient for a brief second before focusing on Eddie. “We’re welcoming a new person into the wing today. Have you had any sort of therapy like this before, Mr. Munson?”

Eddie’s reply was a brief shake of his head, glance not leaving the cracks of the floor as he fiddled with the split ends of his hair. Madden’s bushy eyebrow raised a fraction as he sat himself slightly forward. “Well, we start with a brief check in. How we’re feeling, what we’d like to talk about in today’s session. Perhaps you could start us off? You seem nervous today.”

You couldn’t hold back a scoff, the psychiatrist’s beady eyes narrowing on you as you fished through your pockets for your pack of cigarettes. The look on his face evident that he wasn’t amused at your perceived insolence to his ‘therapeutic process’. He could shove that process where the sun didn’t shine, as far as you were concerned.

“He’s a newbie, of course he’s gonna be nervous,” you shrugged, waving over an orderly with a lighter, who seemed to be watching you with ever so slight trepidation as he ignited the flame that you used to puff life into your cigarette. Huffing out an exhale of smoke that was aimed in his direction. “Bit of a redundant question, isn’t it?”

Madden was a tough nut to crack, but you’d managed to get the veins in his neck bulging a couple of times. You just needed to know which buttons to press, and it seemed you hit one with a jab to his reasoning. “I don’t find it redundant at all,” he answered with a smile slightly too smug for your liking. “But if you think that an example of a check in could help, maybe you could go first instead?”

You took a sharp inhale as you gave a grimace of indifference, face scrunched up as you jerked your head towards an older lady that seemed on the edge of her seat to talk. “Why don’t you get Miriam to do it? From what I remember, she was just starting to open up about her fucker of an ex husband.”

Was using another patient’s anger, something you knew got them started into an hour long tangent until they were red in the face unethical? Maybe. But it was every man for himself out here, and you didn’t have anything akin to backup in the process. As expected, the woman launched into a tirade, screechings which contained the words “useless bastard” and “should have divorced him before he did it to me!” melding into the background as you shot a smug smirk in Madden’s direction. To his credit, he was hiding his distaste well, his only giveaway the slight flush creeping above his collar.

For most of the session, you managed to evade the heat from coming towards you and Eddie. A few more prods to Miriam, staying silent when the psychiatrist asked if anyone else had anything to add. A question to old man Hardy about the house he got kicked out from before being transferred, each person being used like a shield to hide from the questions you knew Madden had for you. You knew you were fucked from the moment he put his hand up to cut off Duane about his teenage trauma prematurely, eyes fixed on you as he sat back in his chair.

“Does Duane’s story resonate with you?” he asked with a heightened pitch of voice, head slightly tilted as his lips twitched upwards. It caused your back to straighten, knowing full well where he was going with this. Somewhere you swore never to go back to, ever since the nightmares ever so slightly decreased and the flashing images weren’t permanently burned into the back of your eyelids.

“No.”

The words reverberated around clenched teeth, knuckles turned white as you gripped the cracked pleather of the cushion you sat on. Out of your peripheral vision, you saw Eddie staring at you with a slight questioning to his glance, and it made your gut twist even more. You hated how suddenly the tentative power dynamic had switched. How your already lacking control was going to spiral even further, if Madden willed it.

“I think it might, though,” the good doctor continued, the slight smirk being poorly hidden as his head tilted to the side. “You had a lot happen when you were eighteen, didn’t you? When you made the choice to-”

“I’m not going to talk about it,” you snapped back, folding your arms as a poorly constructed buffer between you and the man opposite. Your eyes glanced at the clock on the wall, a slight ease of tension as you realised the time. “Not with only five minutes left of the session.”

“But you’re going to have to talk about it sooner or later,” he countered, daring to look slightly sympathetic as he regarded you. “You’ve been here two years, and you’ve never talked about that night. It doesn’t show much progress, now does it?”

You wanted to stand up, pick up your chair, and crash it over the top of his head. How the fuck would he know what ‘progress’ you’d been making? How much work you’d had to put into yourself, rationalising and justifying everything about the night that changed the path of your life, so much that you probably could never step foot on the original trail if you tried. How you still tortured yourself with what you could have done differently, the actions that you did take haunting you like spectres? Madden knew nothing of how often you’d dragged yourself off the precipice time and time again, nothing but bloody fingernails and a quickly ebbing will to live, as you weighed up the decisions of falling asleep to never wake up again against staying alive to do everything in your power to clear the stain on your name.

To Madden’s credit, he didn’t push further. Letting the silence hang in the air, perhaps a non-verbal push that might get you talking. It might have worked, once upon a time. When you had no secrets to hide, too worried about what others thought, wanting to please people so much that it deprived you of happiness. But that was before you were branded a psycho, tossed into this place with the key thrown away. Now, you couldn’t give a shit about what others thought.

Except, there was a way your stomach dropped when you looked over to see the way Eddie looked at you. Not with disgust or horror, which you were used to by now. There was slight concern in his eyes, mixed with empathy, the combination making you want to squirm in your seat. You didn’t even know each other, yet his humanity seemed to still be intact for now, seeing another person clearly struggling and not being able to do anything about it.

You decided to stare at the clock on the wall for the rest of the session, filtering out all other noises and focusing on watching the minute hand strike closer and closer until time was up.

As you put away chairs, you expected Eddie to ask you about it. Maybe try to pry, or get answers for questions that could be in his own mind. But he didn’t. He stayed silent as you both wandered back to the table you met at, sitting down with him wordlessly reaching for the deck of cards in the middle and starting to shuffle. And silent you stayed. Going through the motions of a routine you knew too well; free time, ‘music’ therapy - as if listening to the same vinyl of Bach twice a week for two years would do anything other than make you want to smash your head against the chipped white walls. Dinner consisting of a brick of so-called ‘meatloaf’ that you knew well enough to avoid even attempting to eat, settling for tasteless vegetables and vaguely lime flavoured Jell-o instead.

Even silent when the orderly Nguyen told you to haul ass to the laundry room for work placement, and to take your new ‘friend’ with you. You were brought out of the routine of folding sheets when you heard Eddie clear his throat, looking up to see him slightly rattled as he sorted various clothing into separate piles.

“Hey uh… You don’t have to say anything if you don’t wanna, but… Thanks. For today.” You saw the corners of his lips twitch upwards, a ghost of a smile as his eyeline landed on the messy stack of undershirts. “Didn’t have to stick your neck out of me, but you did. Appreciate it.”

You mustered the leftover social energy you had to lift your shoulders into a slight shrug, rubbing the back of your head whilst the other hand took your weight as you leaned slightly on the table. “It’s nothing. Sorry for not being so talkative I just… Still don’t wanna talk about why I’m here, y’know?”

A curt nod was his reply at first, lips a narrow line and eyes darting around as if he was thinking hard about something. Finally glancing towards the door, then around the room, as if to make double sure that what he was about to say wouldn’t be overheard. He looked panicked; either a deer in the headlights or a lion ready to defend itself, you weren’t sure.

“They said I killed people.”

It was so quiet you barely picked up on it, and you had to admit, it took you aback. There was an initial flight or flight reaction that doused your autonomic system, as if his words set off a red light in your head and you had to start looking for an improvised weapon. However, that was pure instinct, only for a second before logic took over. For someone who was apparently a killer, he certainly did look hollow about it all. Besides. Those in glass houses…

“Did you do it?” you mumbled back, eyes leaving his to take the pressure of both of you, hands busying themselves with folding the now grey sheet in front of you, toying with the frayed corner to try and conceal it in the fold somehow.

“No.”

You found yourself at a precipice. He had stuck his neck out to tell you his charge, not knowing if you’d stick around or bolt and leave him on his own again. It was a sign of trust; an olive branch, that you could either accept or leave hanging between you. You had only known Eddie a day. Less than that, maybe seven hours, tops. But so far, he seemed to have his wits about him. He didn’t strike you as the judgemental type. He didn’t pry, and he tried to distract you when you were at your lowest, instead of offering useless advice or forcing you to open up. When you looked up at him, there was no hint of deceit that you could tell. He was staring at you with those intense eyes of his, an expression reading both ‘I’m telling the truth’ and ‘dear God, I hope you fucking believe me’.

For so long, you had wanted reinforcements in this place so badly. To not fight alone, to have backup. In the outside world, no way would you trust someone this fast. But this was Pennhearst. A place with different rule sets. You needed to take the help wherever it came from, and hope it didn’t blow back in your face later.

You needed to give him something in return.

You didn’t falter with eye contact as you said the words you thought you’d never say. The words that made your stomach churn, made you want to flinch as you said them. “They said I killed people, too.”

You saw the look on his face to be one of bewilderment, eyes scanning you up and down as if he’d never seen you before. You wondered if that’s what you’d looked like not five seconds ago, mirroring each other as you confessed your sins. “Did you do it?”

“No.”

The crease between his eyebrows seemed to smooth, after what felt like hours of staring at each other, the only other sounds the rhythmic knocking of the decrepit industrial dryers. It was you who finally broke the silence, busying yourself again with grabbing the pile of undershirts near you by the bottom and pulling it towards you to begin folding. “I don’t expect you to believe me. And if you don’t want me to know about what happened, I’m not gonna push it.” You shook your head as you frowned at the fabric in your hands.

“Why do you believe me? When I say I didn’t do it?”

You glanced back up at him to find a worried expression on his face, staring at you like he couldn’t quite believe you. As if it was too good to be true, to finally be believed. You wracked your brain for an answer, only to shrug and say the first thing on your mind. “Because guilty people don’t look so frightened of their consequences. I suppose on a subconscious level, they know they deserve the hell they created for themselves.”

You heard a sound which you figured to be a sharp exhale of air through his nose, most likely an attempt at a wry laugh. “You don’t look frightened.”

Your lips turned downward as you frowned again. “You get good at hiding it after a while, I guess.”

You heard your name being called, so softly that your heart nearly shattered. Not your last name being barked out with disdain, or in a patronising tone like a shrink would. It was said like somebody actually gave a shit. You looked up to be met with a look that was one of genuine concern, his eyebrows furrowed and lips slightly parted as if he was wondering what to say.

It was getting too intense for your liking.

Shaking your head as you cleared your throat, you flashed a tight smile as your folding became hurried. “Finish that pile quick, yeah? Orderlies hit the roof when you don’t finish your chores on time.”

To his credit, Eddie didn’t push it. The rest of the time being filled with small talk and comfortable silences, until your names were called to be taken back to your room for the night. The motions of getting ready to bed had become mechanical a long time ago, on autopilot as you brushed your teeth and changed clothes. Hearing the call for lights out, and getting plunged into darkness against your will. You knew that first checks were in an hour.

You had sixty minutes to cry to yourself about finally being seen, about not being treated like a criminal that deserved the way you were being treated. Hugging the pillow to your face and willing yourself not to be making a sound, clutching the cheap cotton between your fingers as if your life depended on it. Sixty minutes until you needed to shove the emotions back down, and face tomorrow, same as you always did.

Same as you always did, but at least you had someone on your side.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson imagine #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things imagine #stranger things x you #eddie munson self insert #stranger things self insert

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punkasshunter · 1 year ago

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After much, much, much experimentation and back-and-forth, here it finally is! This is the Left 4 Dead-themed Ao3 site skin I've been working on for the past couple months! So far as I can tell, no one has posted anything like this, which obviously I had to change.

This is my first time making an Ao3 skin, so there will likely be areas that I've missed that will turn up broken or clumsy, and if so I will keep a running "change log". With that in mind, I'd strongly request feedback so that I can make these fixes and update the CSS with them!

This is to be followed in the near (likely within a few days) future by a similar work skin, allowing for a similar look within just a posted work, and giving the ability to use subtitle-colored character text like the tags in this!

This is not a lightweight skin; it themes virtually every area of Ao3 in some way. With that in mind, here are some major features!

"Saferoom graffiti"-style comments and inbox mail and health bar UIs for comment and inbox icons

A fun new site header! Just wait and see.

Campaign poster-style blurbs for works!

Campaign menu selection border title blocks and image borders.

Canon character tags in the color of their ingame subtitles, for both the survivors and special infected!

Detailed instructions are in the Ao3 work linked in this post, but I'll include them here as well under the cut.

Instructions to create and use the skin

This is important! If you will be using this skin for mobile at all, you must go through the steps to add the mobile parent skin, or else a lot will be broken and borderline unusable on small screens. If you will be using for desktop solely you can feel free to use only the main skin.

Creating the parent skin:

The first thing that needs to be done is to create a site skin with the mobile fix CSS. Go to your dashboard, and select the button on your side menu that says "Skins". From there, you will want to click "Create Skin". For skin type, select "site skin". Title the skin something recognizable, such as "L4D site skin mobile fixes". Then copy all of the code found here into the body. On "Advanced Options" hit "Show". The only setting here you need to worry about is Media, where you will check the box for "only screen and (max-width: 42em)". It should look like this.

Hit "Submit" and step 1 should be done!

The main skin:

Step two is to create the main portion of the skin and add the mobile fixes as the parent skin! Return to "Skins" on your dashboard, and create a second site skin. Title this something recognizable as well, such as "L4D site skin". Once again, you'll be selecting "Site skin" in the dropdown. Copy all of the code found here into the body. If you won't be on mobile at all, hit submit now and the skin will be good to go. Otherwise, show "Advanced Options" again. This time, the category you want is "Parent Skins". In the selection box, begin to type and then select whatever you titled your mobile fix skin, and then press "Add Parent". This should look something like this.

Hit submit again, and the skin creation is done!

The theme fonts:

Note that this skin was designed to use two text fonts from the Left 4 Dead games, Future Rot and Stubble Bold, to look exactly as intended, and one more open text font, Moinho, for the headings of the graffiti-styled comments and inbox. Those can be found in this folder, but are optional, and the skin will function fine without them. To use them, simply download, and then once they are downloaded, click on them and press “Install” in the window that appears with the example text.

Using the skin:

You're almost done! The last step is simply to go to the "Skins" tab of your dashboard again, where you should see the blurbs for your mobile fix skin and the main skin. Click "Use" on the main skin, and that will select the skin to use!

Here are, without spoiling a couple of the fun easter eggs, some preview images of the skin on desktop!

...And on mobile!

#Left 4 Dead #T plays L4D #archive of our own #Ao3 #Ao3 site skin #Ao3 skins

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secretsnowclub · 1 year ago

Text

TTRPG Class: How to Write

Previous Post: Quasi-Text

First Post: Reading List

This was originally posted in my huge post-mortem on the .dungeon//remastered kickstarter and its success. I’m separating it from that and making it its own thing. I’ll be elaborating some of the smaller points and expanding definitions. Things like that.

Firstly, I will say that if you are trying to be a writer for a company or get hired by someone else? These might not help you. Those companies are looking for you to write like them, which depends upon the project and countless variables I can’t quantify. It’s also an entire skill of its own. Freelance or ghost writing can often be about how well you understand different voices, different systems, and things of that nature. I’m honestly not *the best* at that kind of thing. These tips are specifically to help with the writer’s broader craft; specifically, the craft of TTRPG writing which I have found myself a professional in.

Don’t be boring. If you’re bored, skip it. Delete it. Forget about it.

I picked this up from a screenwriting book way back before I decided to go back to college and while I was deep in the weeds of writing scripts for the movies I had in my head. The original tip-giver said to write “don’t be boring” on a post-it note and slap it on your monitor. I did that for a very long time until the post-it lost its stickiness and fell off in a move.

This is important to TTRPGs because you don’t have to write everything. Even if you think a game needs a thing, if you aren’t excited about it, skip it. Chances are that what you’re excited about will be what you want others to be excited about as well.

2. Have a routine.

I fail at this quite often. Life changes shift my routine and knock it out of whack. But I do know that when I was in college? I had a routine and my writing output was ridiculous. And when I work on a project I tend to settle into a routine that involves waking up, exercise of some kind (usually a walk), shower, ride bike or walk to Library or coffee shop, write as much as I can, and come home to decompress/work on layout.

Each project has had its own routine essentially and it’s important to let those routines form. I think fluidity is important even within the rigidity of the idea of Routine. Each project will have its own life and its own functions within your life. Let yourself discover new ways and new paths to reach the end goal.

3. When writing fiction, aim for 2k words daily.

This is Stephen King’s thing. I used to do this and whenever I am writing *fiction* I still have it as my goal. But it is unattainable a lot of the time. Especially with games writing, where even just 10 words can be the focus of an entire day of work. Don’t beat yourself up over this.

4. Write in paragraphs. Each should be an idea, preferably separated by headers. Otherwise you’re probably saying too much.

Sometimes I write in bullet points, but that’s an outline at best. A paragraph is one of the best tools you have as a writer. But it also allows you to set limits on your ideas so you’re not writing walls of text to describe your magic system or anything else. It helps you figure out your more complex systems and point out the individual ideas that make it up. If you’re writing several paragraphs about one thing? It’s probably several things that you’re trying to wedge into one.

5. Instead of writing a random generator for something, just write the good version of that thing.

6. Make a map. Put your ideas on the map. No more lists or procedural generation.

Personal pet peeve of mine. I’m not huge on random generators. I will always say that, instead of writing 100 random ideas for islands, just write one good island. And if you’ve got more in you after that? Perfect. My goal with Game Writing is to present something that’s worth paying for and worth exploring. Whether it’s a rule book or otherwise. I try to avoid random tables as often as I can.

7. Theme comes later. First, the writing.

This may be contentious. I view the act of writing as an act of discovery. I greatly enjoy Automatic Writing. I tend to follow a very train-of-thought style of writing. It feels similar to a valve that I turn on to clear out and let clean water flow. If I get caught up in the Big Picture, I’ll never get the faucet running. Get everything out of yourself before you begin self-editing. Let it all be laid out so you can look at it and then discover what It is.

8. When writing rules, remember “if…then.”

If a player chooses this option, then this happens. If a player rolls low, then this happens. And so on. This is helpful when simply stating a rule. You don’t want to get burdened by word choice. You want it to be clear and easily understood. If-then statements are easy to understand.

9. Get a good editor and listen to them.

A good editor will tell you you’re wrong. A good editor will ask you to rewrite things because they don’t make sense. A good editor is critical but not malicious. This relationship is mutual and about respect for the work. It’s not about egos or hype. It’s simply about making the best book you can. Also, if you can’t defend a choice you’ve made, then listen to your editor when they tell you to cut it.

10. A great game is made of “catch-all” or “default” rules. Such as, “when in doubt, roll d20. Higher numbers are better.” They’re easily grasped and fill the gaps that all TTRPG texts have.

Yeah. I think all of the games people hold up as “great” have these. PbtA is built entirely on one catch-all rule that has changed the landscape of indie design since it was put on the page. It makes things easier for folks at the table when things are moving away from the text.

11. Your goal is to write one thing that’s True. This is the Work.

This is my goal when writing and sometimes it doesn’t happen. Sometimes I write thousands of words and they’re all useless. And it will always be useless until I find that One True Thing. Sometimes an entire book is just for that One Thing.

12. Refill the tank. Life is important and creates art.

This is what a screenwriting teacher said to me. “Refill the tank.” You have to participate in life to be able to write. That doesn’t mean you have to be extroverted and shit like that. It means that you gotta do things that recharge you. You gotta have experiences. You have to live your life. Have a life.

13. The writer’s job is asking “what if?”

Stephen King might have said this too? I don’t remember. But yeah, I spend a lot of time asking “what if–” and seeing which weird scenarios spark my interest enough to write. For games or for fiction.

14. Read. A lot.

I count audiobooks. But, yeah. You gotta read stuff. Other games, novels, short stories, blogs, comics even. Take in art. It’s actually your number one job as a human. Enjoy art.

15. Go for a walk without music or a book-on-tape or a podcast. Walk and talk to yourself. Ask yourself questions about what you’re working on. Talk to yourself. Be in conversation with yourself. You are complicated and deserve attention.

I mean it :I They say the best ideas come to you in the shower. Well, that’s also true for any quiet, introspective time.

16. Have peers. Not just collaborators or colleagues, people whose work you respect. They should make you want to be better.

I get jealous of other people’s work and that’s how I know. When I’m like, “FUCK! I wish I thought of that!!” Those are the people I wanna talk to haha

17. If things just aren’t coming? Take a break. If you’re feeling aggravated, eat some food, drink some water, and get some rest.

You can’t force it. I know we can’t all take a break whenever we want, but please try.

18. Know yourself. Most people can’t sit alone with themselves. But knowing yourself is paramount. Therapy can help too. Knowing yourself means knowing why you like something, developing taste and not hiding it, knowing where to waste your time and where not to. This takes time. This is the Work.

I learn something new about myself nearly every day. I’m very curious about myself. I’m a studier of Myself. I want to know how it all works up there in my brain. I want to make it make sense.

19. A hex/encounter/dungeon room/story can just be a weird, little guy.

Yeah. You can do Dungeon23 right now by just browsing pinterest and saving a bunch of images of cools NPCs. Your whole dungeon can just be pictures of NPCs that you make up personalities for at the table.

20. Write the game you want to play, not the one you think others will.

I think I wrote this in response to another project I saw at the time. But it’s true at all times. We’re indie designers. Why else are we doing this if not to tell our stories?

21. Make sure your needs are taken care of by the budget before hiring collaborators.

It’s common in the indie TTRPG space to rely on collaborator clout to draw people to your project during crowdfunding. And it’s common for those sorts of things to ruin a project financially. The process will always take longer than you expect, so please make sure YOUR needs are met before you start paying other people. There’s nothing worse than promising a paycheck to someone and having to rescind the offer because something happened and you had to use their money on rent. Like, just please? Care for yourself.

22. No stretch goals.

This is a Me thing. But I say it to everyone who comes to me asking for advice on their first crowdfunded project. Keep it simple. You want to deliver. You don’t want to overpromise. You simply want to be able to do the thing so that you can do another one later. Take it slow.

23. When writing Hurt, the most important thing is that you are human. What you feel is human. What happened to you is also human.

This is about empathy. For your characters and situations they find themselves in. It’s also about honesty. The most biting and beautiful passages of my favorite books have been honest. Because the truth is, when experiencing Hurt, things aren’t so cut and dry in your head. And your reactions might seem weird in hindsight. You might feel ashamed or guilty for not reacting a certain way. Just please have empathy for yourself. The readers will relate to the honesty.

24. End all dialog with “said.” It’s all you need.

This is a good rule because it means you have to choose to break it. Which means you have to think about why you’re breaking it. Which means you can defend breaking it. Which means your editor has to listen to you for once. :P

25. Writing is a skill as much as it is an art. Give it respect. Good writers don’t simply fall out of the womb. They mastered a craft. Not unlike any other skill or discipline. You won’t build a good chair on your first try.

It took me a long time to learn this. Writing is actually very hard and every good paragraph you read is a masterpiece of patience and skill.

26. Find time to write. How else can you be a writer?

I hate including things because I see a silly take on twitter. But yeah, obviously. Writers write.

27. Writing can be lonely, but shouldn't be solitary. No book is made by one set of hands.

This is true of every project I’ve done. Even my most recent effort, Melancholy Island, had my friend Char’s photography in it. Beyond that, I talked to my best friend Coleen frequently about it just to keep my head straight and focused. I also have my discord where I would lament and talk and such. Each of these things are helpful in the process of writing. Don’t isolate yourself.

28. Having an opinion is easy. Having a good one worth defending is the Work. If you have nothing to say, do anything other than write.

This may be more true of non-fiction writing, but it’s true of TTRPGs as well, otherwise you’d just play one of the thousands upon thousands of games that are already out. Figure out why it is you *don’t* want to play them and focus in on that. Your opinion lies somewhere in there.

29. Never submit a first draft.

Like, please? Have more respect for your craft. I think third draft at the earliest. That’s when I usually get an editor.

30. Don’t follow trends.

31. Writing is about making choices. Half measures are worthless. Make a choice. If it’s the wrong choice: that’s fine.

32. When writing games, you’re composing an incomplete text. Otherwise it’s a script. Choosing to write a game over a novel is an important decision.

These are all related.

33. The two ideas circling your head are actually one idea.

I combine ideas that seem disparate all the time. It unlocks the Good Stuff.

34. Take yourself seriously. Listen to yourself. This is how you gain confidence.

35. You need to learn to say, “That’s a bad idea.”

These two both boil down to “have confidence in, and know, your taste.”

36. When writing, ignore the first thing that pops into your head. Ignore the second thing too. The third idea is where the work starts.

I’ve found when running games, the first idea I think of is often the most obvious. The second one ends up being a gimmick or a twist. But the third idea is where the humanity tends to come in. Thinking beyond tropes and cliches to find the Truth you’re trying to say.

37. Western writing traditions are not the world.

I wish I had been taught this in school. Cause the hero’s journey ruined me for a long time.

38. If you aren’t sure if you can or should write something: experience more art. You don’t need permission. You need to broaden your horizons. You’re not the first to tread this path.

We’re hardly ever doing something truly original. Find the blueprints and figure out how to make them yours. Use them to tell your story.

39. If you can’t say why you chose to do something, shut up and listen to your editor.

Yeah! :I

40. The most beautiful critique isn’t worth as much as the most mediocre art.

Keep making art.

41. Copy writing you enjoy. Assimilate it.

I steal ideas, concepts, and techniques from every single thing I read/experience. This is how you become more skilled at your craft.

42. Your job, as a writer, is to make a claim. Any claim. Your art can’t be for everyone. You can’t write for the lowest common denominator. You can’t write for the widest possible audience. Be you. That’s how you find your audience.

You’ve got things to say! Even if you don’t know it yet. That is part of the Work.

If you like my work, support me on patreon!

And check out my latest book over on itch!

#TTRPG school #ttrpg education #ttrpg community #ttrpg

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