#I like to write about myself and my interests apparently
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Okay, after having a few days to process, I am allowing myself one vent post to get it out of my system and then it’s back to ✨positive vibes✨ only
If I see one more goddamn smarmy post about how “the writing was on the wall the whole time” (with the undercurrent of “you were too stupid to see it, I have the only valid interpretation”) I’m going to lose it
Had we not had 8x05, the breakup still would have bummed me out, but I would have said, you know what, fair, we didn’t see a whole lot of their relationship, a lot of it was fanon and headcanons. We had a good run. But we did get 8x05, apparently some of it filmed out of order knowing a breakup was coming, and what was the point? To be cruel? It felt like a slap in the face to people who liked that relationship.
They could have laid some groundwork to show some cracks in the relationship, but no. Ignoring disingenuous interpretations from people who have been rooting for the ship to crash and burn since day one, 8x05 established Buck & Tommy as a solid couple. Tommy gets along with Eddie, the three of them had great chemistry together. Tommy takes care of Buck when he’s hurt. Tommy thinks the curse is a bunch of bs (as does Eddie) but still went with Buck to have a funeral for a mummy. It’s like I watched someone cook an elaborate, delicious dinner for me and then they immediately threw it in the trash, and other people around me made fun of me for being blindsided and upset because I should have seen that coming.
I won’t pretend the general audience is a monolith who all have the same opinions. I’m sure there are people who don’t care and just shrugged their shoulders that another relationship of Buck’s fizzled out. But I have 2 friends who watch the show and aren’t Fandom Fans, and they are always my barometer for how people who don’t have brain rot (affectionate) feel about the show. One really liked the relationship, the other was neutral to mildly negative on it, and both of them agreed that it felt like the breakup came out of nowhere and made no sense given the context of the previous episode. So please stop pretending that it’s only BT fandom fans who have their knickers in a twist about how it played out.
If this isn’t leading to buddie, then I don’t want to see another love interest for either Buck or Eddie for the rest of the show. Tommy had so much potential to break the cycle of Buck’s love interests (and interviews from last season seem to support that they were aware of this and planning on utilizing that) and throwing it away feels like such a waste.
So yeah, instead of being just bummed, I’m pissed. I do not know if there was BTS drama or if Tim got some other grand idea for Buck’s storyline this season — but given how plots are adopted and dropped at rapid fire pace this season (something I was willing to forgive last season because of the shortened production timeline and fewer episodes), I’m highly skeptical that there’s any sort of overarching plan here.
I’ve never thought buddie would actually happen on the show, but I also never thought either Buck or Eddie would ever be anything other than straight, so I’d be happy to be proven wrong. I’m just a little jaded by seeing people doing a victory lap convinced that buddie canon is imminent when I think that they are giving the writers a lot more credit than they deserve for supposedly crafting this epic love story for the last five or so years when a lot of that is also just generous fanon interpretation. I need explicit confirmation within the show by the end of this season that at least one of them has caught feelings or I’m over entertaining the possibility it will actually happen.
I know the joy will come back. But I really hope the same plot lines playing out ad nauseam for every character stops because I’m getting a little tired.
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on today's episode of Hashing Out Concepts Theatre, i spent a while today while waiting for my new fridge/freezer to be installed after my previous one died and i lost all my food hashing out a bunch of concepts for another game idea i have. (rest assured i'm not actually working on it as a game yet i just like to bash out a framework for things every now and then to make my brain do happy chemicals lmao)
putting all of this stuff under a cut since it's a bunch of images and also in case people aren't interested XD
i am regrettably a huge fan of comic books (mostly DC) and i've seen a couple of comic book inspired IFs popping up lately, though when it comes to my own interest, i'm definitely more into a straight interpretation of a comic book universe than a more. the boys-style universe - i'm into the camp lol, not so much the grim and gritty stuff. (though that's just my own personal preference)
anyway the idea behind That's Just Super is something that i really like about certain comics - giving the villains more of a purpose and rounded existence than just existing to be in somebody's rogue's gallery. the joker's angry defence of the batfamily from various other DC evil forces, lex luthor's furious resistance against brainiac alongside superman because it's His planet, damn it, DOOM throwing in with the heroes in every second marvel event comic... i really like stories where villains and evil characters don't always make the Most Evil choice just Because, but have clear and explainable motivations that sometimes bring them into what we'd consider a 'good' alignment because unlike in d&d, there's no real such thing as a concrete moral alignment.
(this is my banner design for it)
the basic idea is that an inexplicable cosmic event removes all of the superheroes from the planet, leaving it vulnerable to attack by evil mindflayer style aliens - unless the supervillains who remain are able to band together despite their more unpredictable, less cooperative natures and save the planet in the heroes' absence. after all... if aliens take over the earth, the villains can't take it over themselves.
here's my fun little UI design idea lmao...
the other major thing about That's Just Super that i've been hashing out is the pc. the basic idea is that you pick your villain identity from a list but you get to customise their like. birth name and secret identity, while the villain identity comes with its own name, costume, and set history (including occasionally past romantic encounters). i like playing around with the way that IF works with the idea of mcs and customisable mcs so i just thought it'd be a fun twist... it also allows me to create nice drama by having set occurrences in the past lol.
so i did some profiles for the nine villain options - three each of the DC triad of tech/metahuman/magic origin. they're all based on a specific kind of villain archetype, and i really tried to limit myself to ones where i could definitely pin down more than one specific influence so it didn't end up like me just making too many analogues haha... even if some of the influences are probably pretty obvious.
weirdly i haven't even Thought about ROs yet since i've been so focussed on the pc... maybe i'll play around with the partially set background idea even more and only have 1 possible RO for each villain choice or something. maybe a couple that you can romance as anybody... not sure. (talionis could definitely have a messy broken romance with his superhero for example)
apologies that readability isn't great but these are mostly just made for me lmao
#posts from the mortal world#dc give me a job writing for you please... jk i'm not moving to the us (not that they'd have me anyway)#long post.#i think i'm so funny for that joke of labelling the reset button a joke about time manipulation lmfao#but isn't that perfectly on the nose for a comic book themed IF?? that's what i tell myself anyway#absolutely Could Not Stand the infinity saga honestly. for Many reasons.#but in regards to this stuff in particular. every villain just threw in with thanos or immediately got killed off... boring!!!!#the only person who is allowed to be Interesting is loki apparently#and the fact that they cut. Doom holding the gauntlet with all the fucking gems on it for as long as he did from the story??? Crime#All of the crimes. go to Story Jail marvel. doom will get his just rewards for you screwing him over like that some day!!!! doom is!!!!!!!!#man also just yesterday i was thinking to myself that i Need to reread in blackest night and i So do. i'm such a lantern girlie...#that's right i like d&d i like m:tg and i like comic books. bow before my supreme embarrassing taste#it has been a Chaotic couple of days if you can't tell. i haven't slept nearly enough and i. Cried when all my food got spoiled#at least the new fridge works fine so far though...
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Different anon here- I’m generally ok with mpreg existing. But the sheer volume of it in this fandom is pretty weird. Especially considering the source material… one of the great things about the unholy family (to me) is that it’s this family unit without the necessity for sexual reproduction. It’s so interesting because they all had lives outside of each other at some point so it’s part found family, part queer and yet biological parents. I think that’s one of the things I first loved about the 1994 movie and it’s a shame that aspect is overlooked
(x)
Yeah, I totally agree on all counts. Like I don't usually bat an eye at mpreg (whatever floats your boat! I'm very good at scrolling, haha) but there have literally been times I've opened ao3 and have counted five or six fics on the front page of updated works that are mpreg which feels really disproportionate to the amount of fic that actually gets posted in this fandom?
I - - mmm, kind of wonder a little if its tied to some of this gender essentialist stuff that's coming up more and more both in this fandom, and in social media generally? There feels like there's this real desire to shoehorn them into a quote-unquote 'traditional nuclear family dynamic' which really feels like it's the antithesis of the show. Like you said, the fact that they've all had lives outside of each other is, and the fact that as a family they are both one found and made is, I feel, pretty crucial not just to their interpersonal dynamics, but also to each individual character?
#this kind of goes back to my original point too but there are also so many ways queer couples have children now?#a good friend of mine and her wife have just had a baby#and one of their best friends#who's a gay man#donated the sperm#which is like! not uncommon?#and he is loving getting to be fun uncle (and has 0 desire to be dad haha)#although apparently has been around quite a bit to help out which makes me very happy for ash and her wife#like idk if i really wanted to write a baby claudia fic#i feel like the obvious thing would be to write lily as the surrogate#especially because then you can keep the themes of the show with louis' ease with commodifying women's bodies by y'know#renting a womb#while also getting to keep lestat's messy feelings about being an outsider to louis and claudia if louis' the bio dad#or louis' weirdness about lestat being bi AND claudia being more like lestat than him if lestat's the bio dad#there's DRAMA to unpack there y'know?#but then i do remind myself that a lot of these sorts of fics don't want there to be drama hahaha#so whatever you could also keep it cute!#but yeah#it's really interesting#iwtv asks
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scansion is killing my brain
#boink#school tag#fuck me :DDD#listening to will wood live performances on loop while trying to write an essay about lady lazarus#im sure ill come up with something totally interesting and original and revelatory!#mm#smth smth i wish i cld me a girl and that way u could kick my fucking teeth in#ideal date-------- forcing them to watch will wood live recordings w me#i too lately have been wishing i were five foot five#fr tho#bc i recently got put definitively in the front row of a picture line up for the first time in my life#and realized--- im. im one of the short ones#not short.#average?#idk#im 5'4.5“#ok#so???????????#fuck#thinking about myself as short tho.........#that legitimately fully fucking changes my perception of myself#am i------ like am i proportional???????#bc apparently the way i perceived myself is not how everyone else perceives me#and now im just.#fuck. yk#like my image of myself is kind of distorted rn and im ngl its kinda fucking w me#its absolutely fucking ridiculous. but.#anyway. that way ud wish u cld kick my fcking teeth in ://
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dream time
#have to get this down before i forget it#been having weird/not good dreams lately until last night (mere hours ago bc its still dark out this morning)#writing this on my way to work and in the dream i was on the bus to work. however an important difference between reality and the dream is#that in the dream i was sharing my bus ride w mr larroquette. as one does#this was like mouse bites era john im sorry thats the best way i can describe how he looked#and i guess it was like we kinda knew each other?? and we ended up talking about poetry writing and stuff#wish i could remember the specifics of that#at some point we got off the bus and got onto another one unfortunately a common theme in my dreams is going somewhere in a complicated way#and on that bus ride i sat next to him again and he was like oh i normally listen to music for this part of my trip#and i was like ope don't wanna keep you from that! but he didnt mind talking for a bit more and we talked abt music#bc apparently id recommended he listen to the album big world by joe jackson and he said he didn't like it on first listen but hed try again#when we got off this bus and were walkin to where i worked (i guess he worked around there too???)#we went back to talking abt writing and i was talking abt my old poetry writing class and the kind of things i wrote#and he expressed an interest in reading those old poems and i was like oh ok i guess ill look for em#but i was thinking to myself noooo those arent good i wrote those in high school you dont wanna read themmm#and then it became like hard to get down the street bc people were moving slow on the sidewalk (classic new york moment)#so we went out into the street to like cut around#and there was some truck like causing things to get backed up#and so john started like yelling at the truck driver to move out of there LMAO#and i think thats all i remember w him. but i just remember talking w him was very calming and comforting#come on man. what are you doing in my dreams#later in my dream i just remember telling people about this so im telling you all now#anyway .
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one of my friends is super into psychology and he’s using me as a test subject to learn how people show stress and physical signs of stress
he spent the whole of a lesson just watching me and created a stress chart using my physical signs
#now i know what not to do if im stressed 💪💪#apparently i shake my leg (which i know i do)‚ i clench my fist‚ i pick my nails/lip‚ tap on the table‚ move my eyes a lot#(apparently if i look to the left im worrying about something‚ whereas if i look to the write i’m worried about myself/someone close to me)#he also says i “stim” by rocking my head back and forth which i’m slowly becoming aware of#like just the movement is comforting#but also i tend to hit my head against the wall when i do that#but if i don’t have a wall i kinda just rock my head back and forth#anyway kinda interesting#and kinda creepy bc i’m now aware that i do it#which is weird
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what if zane just had implants in his brain to make him think faster (on account of how fast he can move and process the battlefield)
but it was just that meme of "i'm stupid, FASTER"
#borderlands#why did i only think of this like... 3 years later#legit consideration tho... part of my brain still wants to imagine him as a very smart hyper-genius dude#but in lore he's not genius levels#maybe out of impatience#but could we consider he's actually got some literacy problems#im in no way shaming btw!#it's just interesting to think since he was born on pandora#maybe just consider he has a lot of issues writing and sometimes with reading#like he did better than someone like captain but he still struggles#the idea moxxi/marcus had about presenting someone else to fool your enemies#and under/overestimate you#like how apparently he refuses to take baths#just presents himself as this cold and clean genius badass#but he's got adhd and he's stinky and has some learning difficulties#again no shame in it i try to be aware of that with myself + not shaming intelligence#please let me know if i'm saying the wrong things#the post wasn't even about intelligence but i gotta tag-ramble lol#*technically wasn't. memes but was thinking more of processing faster like a computer
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the more i learn to love and trust myself the worse i get at academia does anyone understand
#like i feel like my academic abilities are so tied up in impostor syndrome#and being willing to argue just about anything because idk myself or trust my beliefs#and also putting up with bs#but now im a bit better about liking myself and thinking that i am sometimes smart or interesting#and thats where it all comes undone and my marks suffer for it#or to put it another way i used to not have many ideas so i could make a really well written paper that sounded like it meant something#but now i actually have ideas so my writing quality suffers + the ideas arent as good as apparently the used to be ?#idk man cant wait to be done with this in 4 days
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👍👍
#im bout to be whiny before getting nauseated at being kimda vulnerable and end up deleting this but just#shoutout to my friend (who was the only person i ever shared my writing with for over a year)#just telling me they've always just skimmed my fics AND infodumps because they dont care. like has read at most a handful of me talking &#usually skips any rare audio message that i sent when SUPER excited and made up drama to have an excuse to change topics#again. for over a year.#then getting guilt trippy when i was hurt by it until i apologize instead which !! lmao fuck ok !#its just... very hmpth :/ bc it eas already a shitty night and week of nonstop migraine. and then this#and taking into account im someone who NEVER blocks any of my friends tags or doesnt read and invest myself in their interests#even if i dont like it; i love seeing people (even strangers) excited and talking about what they like so of course im going to#at least watch them talk on it and/or actually research into it because i want to be able to understand their happiness!#and because its whats important to them !! i dont expect the same and im not shaming anyone for not doing the same its fine I guess#but to tell me? and to say they dont read my writing or give a single shit about me talking about something#when i always put 100% into their interests? am i that shitty of a writer and that obnoxious to listen to lmao#like i feel shitty for even being hurt over it and even venting because you guys arent here for that and its mean to force it on ur dash#and i dont want to be too whiny but also. jfc man#ill stay silly starting tomorrow and post about batmans balls or whatever. sorry for the vent just. bleh.#that ‘december please bro please im begging just a break please man’ post but its me throughout this February too apparently
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The bookmark tag was #holder until i think of a tag for these asks but To Be Real even I forgot what it was...
BUT YEAH thanks so much for reading and I'm glad it's :] Intelligible At Least :] obviously I would be up for reading anything that came to mind after putting you and your followers through All That but understandable... A lot of people I've shown the checklist items or pointed out specific behaviors to have actually said similar [i.e. I'm In This Picture And I Don't Like It], so I totally get what you mean, too!
I think a lot of my picks wound up being generalized trauma responses/aftereffects of abuse or neglect [hence I meandered off into just talking about Jo's father half the time], so I guess it's to be expected a lot of them don't read as being CSA-specific or are broadly relatable; it's not like he's supposed to be read that way, after all. I just wasn't able to zero in on many of the more specific ones because I've Never Seen Jo In This Situation Chief I Don't Know What He Thinks About His Name Or His Body Or Mirrors Or Sex Or Affection I Don't Know How Well Or Poorly He Sleeps [Presumably Poorly Though He Has The Second-Reddest Eyes In The Whole Game]
I don't really think I'll have anything to add though unless Infinite Wealth goes off the rails or I actually continue reading the book... so that will have to do... I originally was just riffing on RGGJo's attachment issues, self-destructiveness, and specific entwinement of sexuality/aggression/romance, and his portrayal in my fic lined up pretty closely, so I thought it'd be interesting to apply the same lens to Y7Jo...
But Yeah x2 thank you for the opportunity to talk about it and I'm Glad It's Intelligible At Least x2
THANK YOU i really should change that tag to something better... <- i will immediately forget to do so like a jackass
BUT YA OF COURSE OF COURSE i was truthful when i said it was a real good read (but once again. i have -5 speech skills so i can't properly word SHIT) and was a thorough examination of jo's trauma and how it manifests in him and how it's exhibited through his actions. ALWAYS a big fan of that :)
#snap chats#IN REGARDS TO Jo In Situations that is. VAGUELY my specialty#ive at least thought of jo's attitudes towards affection/relationships#and i Do Not Think he sleeps AS adequately as he should whether it's due to just. Overworking or#If I May Dare To Think he might be prone to night terrors#the Danger Zone of me thinking of Jo In Situations that dont have a lot of background is that i end up projecting a LOT of my issues LMAO#i dont know what it says about me when a lot of those issues seem to fit him#i do try my best NOT to over project of course i try to keep everyone relatively in the bounds of believability to their charas#which is why its funny when i do end up doin a lil projection it works out. Apparently#not sure i could do the same when it comes to jo's POV on his name and body tho. i hate those things bout myself for uh#VERY different reasons LMAOO tho i could imagine jo harboring some feelings of. hm. whats the word.#not Total Disgust But Some and Some Agitation whenever he has to acknowledge he exists outside of being a tool. To Put It Bluntly#cause we know he sees himself as a tool in some aspects- a bullet more specifically. so i can imagine instances where he has to Be A Human#its just. Ew Whats That LMAO YK WHAT I MEAN i do. i know what i mean. mirrors are evil#SORRY IM RAMBLING i shouldnt be.. i got gameritis <- i fucked up my wrists playing sonic riders somehow and it hurts to move#point is i very much enjoy thinking of jo and i enjoy looking at him through a multitude of lenses so AGAIN#thank you much for writing in :] im sorry i have three jewel beetles and a cicada shell for a brain#i am always interested in reading what you have to say tho... cant stress that enough..#truly curious for how jo will be in infinite wealth now that he Doesnt have to be a bullet anymore. what are you like my guy.. lemme see..#now pardon me while i fuck up my wrists more. i do not want to do my job today (i will soon im just delaying the inevitable. as a treat)
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Gonna explain in a rb because I think it may be relevant to some people, especially those like me who feel sort of in between, and I'll explain why.
So, long story short, we were supposed to be taught it and it was taught. However, how it was taught didn't work for me because 1) learning disabilities and 2) I was in a lot of stress all the time during those years due to family issues and bullying at school so NONE of what was taught actually helped me learn it.
To this day, I do not know how to touch type and taught myself my own method of touch typing that sort of does work for for me but is effectively a lot different than, y'know, actual touch typing.
I bring this up because I think there may be a few others here who may look at this and not know which to answer or if to answer at all because, well, yes; we were technically taught. However, it wasn't helpful and didn't actually teach us.
**TLDR** if you relate to being taught but not learning anything from it, don't worry you're not the only one and idk which to answer either. And hopefully, for OP, this helps with the study/ understanding another demographic related to said data.
This is a subject that really interests me because I (28 years old) had computer classes in grade school where learning how to efficiently type was a big focus. As a result I have a very high WPM (words per minute) count and am an excellent touch typer.
However, I've heard that they started phasing out computer classes in a lot of schools because it's assumed that kids/teenagers already know how to use a computer in this day and age. But smartphones are more popular than computers now, and as result a lot of Gen Z/Gen Alpha kids are able to text very quickly but their typing skills aren't as good.
#idk if this was all that necessary but like#just in case#since i was feeling confised and a bit alone and then thought 'hey actually I'm probably not'#interesting bonus fact: instead of using my thumb which apparently you're supoosed to use to press space (or so I'm told) I taught myself -#to use my middle finger under my index#because its longer i find it works better for me to quickly press space and continue with the word i was about to write next#I think it works better with my ADHD brain which is already about to put down the next word so i need to have a long finger to press asap#or maybe that would work with a thumb too idk#now that i think harder about it#i think i also alternate between my index and middle for space#I don't think i use my thumbs#bc like they're not as strong as my other fingers and tbh its always felt werid to use my thumb excessively to the same speed as my-#-other fingers
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They should invent a life that is not lonely.
#REALLY feeling the pressures of amatonormativity today#(it also sucks that like. I obviously hate said concept but I'm not anywhere on the aro spectrum. I don't have a place in the community#of people who actually seem interested in talking about this. and *I* try to talk about this and people want to ascribe that identity to me#when it a) is not who I am and b) is not fair to the people who DO have this identity. like it's not that I DON'T feel romantic attraction#it's that I hate the elevation of it above every other type of human relationship. it's that apparently the only way to have the trust and#closeness that I want is within that kind of relationship when IT DOESN'T!! HAVE!!!! TO BE THIS WAY!!!!!!!!!)#(also like. being in a romantic relationship is just NOT in the cards for me it is NOT happening I'd LOOOOOOVE to believe that's not#a guarantee of me being miserable and alienated from everyone for the rest of my life!!!!!!!)#(once again on the verge of contacting Her™ because at least she gave our friendship a great deal of weight even if it became untenable.#at least she was willing to prioritize me when I really genuinely needed help. at least she wasn't afraid of all my shit.)#(ignore the fact that the LAST few times I tried to keep that friendship going I walked away hating myself and wanting#to punish myself for existing. yeah what I had SUCKED but at least I had SOMETHING.)#(ugh maybe I gotta go write about grief again maybe that'll fix it.)
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I randomly decided to dig out my old dream diary and I'm literally howling with laughter right now about some of the stuff I wrote down there😂😂 So much mildly cursed but in hindsight also extremely hilarious stuff😭😂
For context, I've been wanting to learn lucid dreaming for a long time (still can't do it unfortunately), and for a while during my teenage years I actually tried writing a dream diary to learn remembering my dreams more clearly (according to my notes I actually managed to even get a few semi-lucid dreams!). Most of these are from the first half of 2018, when I actually managed to write down my dreams consistently for a couple months, plus a few from 2019 and early 2020, in total about 20 dreams. I thought it might be funny to share some of the most hilarious, cursed or just really random moments from them:
I met with people that I either went to school with at the time or used to go to school with before, and we had to participate in various competitions or challenges, usually it was either something absurdly dangerous and cruel or something extremely embarrassing. That sort of stuff occurred in multiple dreams, like one time we were in the sports hall of my old primary school and had to kill each other with spears, another time me and some classmates were participating in a challenge of some random YouTuber and had to jump from a really high tower into a bath tub (which had no water in it but a trampoline).
We had to present our short film projects in English class (this is something we actually did in real life), and one group did a retelling of "The Lion King" where Timon died at the finale and that was just how the film ended. Also General Burkhalter from Hogan's Heroes was there as a film critic. He liked that ending even though most other people were just really confused about it.
I met Heinrich Himmler and Reinhard Heydrich on a Christmas market and they were a gay couple and I took stupid selfies with them (what the fuck). In another dream Himmler was together with Joseph Goebbels instead, but before I woke up they told me it was actually just a prank and when I looked at the date it was suddenly April Fool's Day.
On my 15th birthday (in real life) I dreamed that it was summer and Christmas at the same time. (I live in the northern hemisphere so that doesn't happen here. Also my birthday is obviously not at Christmas.)
So. Many. Dreams. About. Thrawn. I swear about half of all the dreams I wrote down were just about me being in love with Thrawn and trying to get together with him, the nonsense level of the surrounding scenarios usually varying. There are too many to explain them all, but one of my favourite quote from one of the diary entries is probably "Thrawn and I had an ugly child", it's just so blunt and random😭 In another dream Thrawn randomly had a beard and I lowkey hated it, and in another he turned out to just be a human guy with make-up and I was super disappointed when I woke up.
A bunch of doctors and scientists were investigating our garden pond and randomly found the corpse of a blue-haired girl, but they weren't interested in her at all and just threw her onto our compost heap💀
I was Tony Stark's adoptive daughter (no idea why, I'm not even in the Marvel fandom) and when someone broke into our house to steal his inventions, I tried fighting the guy off and we had a duel with using a pot and a frying pan as weapons. He was arrested and we went eating tacos to celebrate.
Not gonna lie reading through all this madness actually makes me want to start writing a dream diary again😂 Like, even if I still don't learn lucid dreaming, at least I'll have something to laugh about again in a few years xD
#my top 3 recurring topics were apparently Thrawn; weird challenges with people from my school and gay nazis. truly amazing👍😂#I assume I watched a lot of both Star Wars and history documentaries at the time but still. my 14 year old self surely had an imagination#there were also some dreams involving my real life crush from school at the time but those aren't that interesting from today's perspective#but I also think that the Himmler x Heydrich dream originated from some mildly cursed comic that I found when I was like 13 or 14#I don't even know how but you know how the internet is🤷I'm not sure if this is something I could've come up with myself#(like the comic itself wasn't even that cursed; the story was basically a romcom with lots of back and forth and just random stuff#and the artstyle from what I remember was even kinda cute. but like also why is there what's basically a fanfiction of these people#at least it's good to know that they themselves wouldn't approve of it and the artist was probably just doing this to make fun of them)#(I still read the whole thing but more in a 'haha why the fuck does this exist' kinda way but also once I started I had to know the ending)#but I laughed so hard because I didn't remember AT ALL that this also caused me to have a dream about them at some point#like you would think that maybe something that cursed is in some way memorable. but I just - forgot about it#but no I really need to start writing down my dreams again😭#dream diary#selnia talks
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Personal in the tags.
#i really need to take the time to thank myself today. i was looking around the house at all the chores I put off. i want more pizza and did#not do grocery shopping today. but i did give myself clean laundry and I should thank myself for that. i got ill but i moved myself to L.A#from the place where i had no health insurance and the weather kept making me sick all the time - i should thank myself for that too. I'm#grateful that i gave myself all the tools I'm using today to get well#and I'm grateful to my past self for giving me an interesting life lol - i just found out my roommates are friends with some mk1 voice cast#and even went to the wedding of one of the actors who voices one of the characters I'd been writing smut about. apparently one of my buds#officiated the wedding even. I like knowing that it's a small world. And I like feeling like I'm finding my place in it. Every little weird#coincidence like this just makes me feel comforted#like yes I'm in the right place at the right time here's a little sign. and stop worrying about the unbuilt ikea shoe rack and pile of shoes#that you didn't get to - you're still doing good enough for yourself just surviving and enjoying a silly kombat game. you know you'd be dead#if you'd stayed behind but you fought your way out and landed in a good place. it is important to acknowledge the effort rather than focus#on the stuff I'm failing to do. just get through this round of antibiotics and unlock all the kontent from the seasonal kosmetics store#and that would be enough. quit pushing and rest. and be grateful to yourself that you gifted this opportunity to yourself for that rest!#hope if anyone is reading you'll think about something you're grateful to yourself for giving you-hope you see your own worth and appreciate#yourself more and more each day
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hide and seek
summary: your best friend chan finds you've been fantasizing about him and decides to turn those ideas into reality... pairing: chan x reader genre: smut, best friends to ??? warnings: *cracks knuckles* cnc/primal play, wolf/bunny roleplay, mention of safewords, traffic lights system (yellow used), hide and seek, mentions of pee, chasing scenario, blowjob mouthfucking, hair-grabbing, degradation, leg cramping, knees hurting, kinda realistic, unprotected sex, missionary but he holds reader down, pet names, daddy kink (like once), breeding kink, creampie, aftercare, discussion of future scenario 👀 author's note: this will be the first part in a series, i haven't decided yet how many parts, maybe three? stay tuned if you're interested 🤍 part two & part three word count: 2.5k
Chan simply asks you if he can use your laptop while you’re having a shower since his battery died and he really needs to check something work-related real quick. After doing so, he can’t help but notice the recently opened pages. He doesn’t mean to pry, really. But it’s right there. And a quick look into his best friend’s mind couldn’t hurt…could it?
He is immediately captivated by this story you’ve apparently written and keep hidden in the drafts of your blog. It’s so…sexy and unlike anything you’ve ever talked to him about.
“Dumb little bunny, thinking you can get away from me,” the big bad wolf growls in the bunny’s ear.
The bunny whimpers helplessly, trying to escape the wolf’s strong grasp but to no avail.
The wolf takes the bunny from behind mercilessly, biting her neck and using her to please his needs...
What comes at the end of the story is what shocks him the most.
“Chris, please…”
Huh? Which Chris? Chris Evans? Or maybe Hemsworth? As far as he remembers, you have always been more of a Sebastian Stan and Tom Hiddleston kinda girl but…people change, he supposes.
Until it hit him. His name is also Chris! And people do compare him to a wolf…But no, it couldn’t be…There is no way his best friend is writing stories fantasizing about him.
Unless…
He can’t imagine going on with his life without knowing the answer. So, Chan waits impatiently until you are done with your shower.
“Everything good with your work thing?” you ask him calmly once you return to your room.
“Yeah, all is good. But I found something way more interesting on your laptop,” Chan blurts out meaningfully.
The expression on your face is enough of an answer. You look completely mortified, like a true bunny that is waiting to be devoured.
“I forgot to clear my history, didn’t I?” you murmur even though you already know what Chan has seen.
“That story wasn’t about Chris Evans, was it?” Chan wants to know though he suspects what the truth is.
You immediately drop to your knees in front of him, which takes him by surprise. Gripping his hand tightly, you look so cute and pitiful. He wants to ruin you. Wait, when did those feelings show up?
“I know it was wrong, Channie, believe me. But I just couldn’t help myself, okay? Nothing else helps me get off but this fantasy. I promise I won’t do it again, please don’t end our friendship! You mean the world to me, I’m so so sorry!”
“End our friendship?” he is completely stunned by your train of thought. “Why would I? I mean, you never meant for me to see it, so I think it’s okay to have certain…fantasies. But now that I did see it, I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“We don’t have to talk about it, if it makes you uncomfortable,” you suggest.
“You’re right, we don’t have to talk about it. But how about I make those scenarios come to life?”
“Huh? You want to what now?” you can’t believe what you’re hearing.
“It can’t be satisfying, dealing with all these frustrations by yourself.”
“It really isn’t…” you confess.
“Then, let me take care of you. That’s what friends are for, right?” Chan chuckles.
“Let me get this straight, you wanna re-enact my freaky fantasies while still staying friends?”
“Um, sure, why not?”
You would be a fool to agree. This could mess up everything. But you would be an even bigger fool to reject his tempting offer.
“I’m in.”
“Great! Then, should we discuss boundaries and safewords and stuff?”
“No boundaries, no safewords, you can do whatever you like to me, I don’t care.”
“This isn’t right. What if I want to use a safeword?”
Oh. That thought never crossed your mind but perhaps it should have.
“How about this…if I want a scene to end, I’ll say red. I know you said you don’t need one, but just in case, feel free to use it. If we want to just pause for a bit, then yellow. Green is good to go. Am I clear?”
“Yes, sir. I mean, Chan. I mean, uhhh…do you want me call you something specific?”
“Whatever you like, babygirl,” he reassures you and pats your cheek. “Do you want to give this a try rightaway? Unless you’ve got other plans…”
“No way, let’s do this!” you practically jump at the opportunity.
“Alright. I’ll give you one minute to hide anywhere in this house. After that, I can do whatever I like to you.”
His words make you so thrilled that your heart threatens to escape from your chest because it’s beating louder than ever.
“If you find me,” you tease.
“Oh, I will,” Chan swears. “Now, run.”
You sprint out of your room and down the stairs, as he starts the countdown.
“Sixty…fifty-nine…”
Where should you hide? The living room doesn’t have any good hiding spots and neither does the kitchen. Under the table is too obvious. Your room would have been a good option but Chan is currently there, so it’s out of the question. The bathroom is right next to it, so once again, not a great idea. Then, it hits you. The basement! You don’t remember ever showing it to Chan so it will take him more time to think of it. You go through the door and run down another set of stairs leading to the basement. You see the perfect spot. A vintage wooden chest that just happens to be empty and is big enough to fit you if you squeeze in.
Okay, maybe not comfortable but you can survive in there for a couple of minutes. Once you’ve tucked yourself inside and closed the lid, you are suddenly hoping that Chan finds you quickly. Whatever he does to you can’t be worse than this tiny space. You didn’t know you had claustrophobia but in this very moment, you do. You can’t hear him from down here so you imagine he is looking through the other rooms first. After what feels like eternity, you finally hear steps. You are grateful that you recently peed before getting in the shower because the current situation would have undoubtedly made you wet your pants. As the steps approach, you begin to worry. What if it isn’t Chan? What if you’d forgotten to lock the door and now a complete stranger comes in to take advantage of you? No, these thoughts are irrational and make you want to use the bathroom. Ugh.
“I’ll give you ten seconds to come out and I’ll go easy on you.”
Chan’s voice both comforts you and freaks you out even more. You’re not coming out, alright. This spot was great! He can do whatever he wants to you.
“Three…two…one,” Chan finishes counting and opens the chest’s lid.
You look up at him, eyes blinking to adjust to the light. He pulls you out of it roughly.
“Last chance. Run.”
But then, you realize you were squeezed into that tiny space for so long that your leg had cramped up. You can’t possibly run right now.
“Um, sorry but yellow,” you feel like an idiot. You had said you don’t need a safeword and yet…
“What’s wrong?” Chan’s threatening gaze immediately softens and he rubs your elbow gently.
“I didn’t think I’d get a leg cramp in this freaking box,” you admit, ashamed of yourself as you shake your legs in an attempt to relax muscles.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Chan coos at you and helps you massage your leg. “Wanna call it a day?”
“Hell nah. Just, no more running, please.”
“Sure, that’s fine by me.”
“Sorry for ruining the mood.”
Chan shakes his head.
“You could never.”
“Okay, I think I’m good now,” you assure him.
“Scene?”
“Scene.”
“Did you really think you can escape me? Dumb little bunny…” Chan tsks at you and you feel your knees giving out. You need him so bad it’s not even funny anymore.
“Please, don’t hurt me, Mr. Wolf,” you plead with him even though every cell in your being would be glad to be on the receiving end of his anger.
“Oh, but where’s the fun in that? You should’ve locked your door to keep me out.”
If you tell him that you want him inside would it be too out of character for a scared bunny?
“I’ll do anything,” you promise crying. “I won’t tell a soul.”
“You’ll do anything regardless,” Chan smirks devilishly and grabs your hair harshly, pushing you to your knees. With his free hand, he unbuttons and unzips his jeans, wasting no time in pulling his cock out of his confines and stuffing your mouth full.
Fuck, your knees already hurt, probably because of that stupid chest but you choose to ignore the discomfort for now because this feeling of being dominated like that is too good to let go of.
“That’s it, take it like the useless cumslut you are,” Chan speaks degradingly but you’ve never been wetter before.
You wish you could say you are doing your best to give him a blowjob but the truth is you are not doing much, his hips thrusting forward aggressively, his hands gripping your hair. Your mouth is nothing but a cumdump for him. Your eyes are watering, vision is blurred. Your throat hurts too but it is nothing compared to the burning feeling in your knee. It is in that moment you realize that you didn’t discuss a signal for a situation where you can’t speak. You rack your brain for an alternative and remember that some subs opt for pinching their dom’s skin in an attempt to communicate discomfort. You really don’t want this to end but…
As you are overthinking this, you realize Chan’s already released his seed inside of your mouth and you are left with no choice but to swallow it up like the greedy cumwhore you are. Only for him, though.
His cock softens in his mouth but he doesn’t immediately pull out and only then, do you remember what you’ve been about to do.
You pinch his thigh lightly, looking up with moist, pleading eyes.
“What is it, darling?” Chan needs to know, taking a step back.
“Help me stand, please,” your voice is hoarse.
“Did I hurt you?” he asks as he grips your hands and leads you to sit for a while on the stupid chest responsible for your current pain. Okay, maybe, you brought this upon yourself but whatever.
“No, you were perfect, it’s just that my knees hurt. Fucking dumb wooden thing,” you grunt in frustration, punching it with your tiny fist.
Chan chuckles and strokes your hair comfortingly in complete contrast to how he was pulling it mere seconds ago. Then, he pulls you into his arms for a sweet hug.
“Sorry…I’m killing the mood again, aren’t I?” you pout.
“Not at all. Remember you’re in charge of whatever happens between us. You wanna pause, we pause. You wanna stop, we stop. I would hate myself if this doesn’t feel as good for you as it does for me.
“You feel good?”
“Are you kidding? Do you think I’d offer just anyone to fulfil their fantasies hidden in their drafts?” Chan laughs fondly.
“I’m glad you think so,” you smile at him gratefully. “I’m better now so if you’re still on board, we can continue.”
“I’m on board but let me come up with a new plan. I was thinking of fucking you doggy style but now that’s out of the question with your knee situation.”
Hearing him speak out loud what he was planning to do to you sends shivers down your spine. Damn it, maybe you should have just hidden under the table.
“How do you feel about missionary?” Chan inquires.
“Wouldn’t it be too intimate for the kind of scenario we’re doing?” you are doubtful.
“Not if I hold you down,” Chan murmurs smugly.
“Oh. Well, then…like I said, you can do whatever you like.”
“Action?”
“Action,” you confirm.
Chan wastes no time in pulling you up from your sitting position and pushing you down on the cold floor. He’s holding your wrists with one hand and undressing you with the other. Scratch that. He’s tearing your dress apart. It was never one of your faves.
“W-what are you d-doing?” you mewl at him.
“Shut the fuck up,” Chan commands.
He doesn’t bother with stretching you out because he sees you’re already soaking wet for him. Instead, he forces his thick cock inside of your tiny pussy.
Only this time, your screams are real and you’re not at all pretending.
“T-too b-big, it h-hurts,” you cry out.
“You can take it, bunny,” Chan says confidently.
You know that you can put an end to this with one simple word but damn, does it feel incredible to be stuffed full by your best friend’s large manhood.
“Shh,” he whispers in your ear. “This’ll feel so much better if you relax f’me.”
You’re trying, really. But it’s too much you feel like he’ll split you in half. Okay, maybe not a bad way to go but still.
“D-daddy, it h-hurts so m-much,” you slur mindlessly.
Wait, what did you just say?
“Daddy, huh? Easy, babybun, your wolf dad’s gonna take good care of you, I promise,” Chan’s words send you into overdrive and you come around his cock, your thighs are shaking and you’re arching your back. You can’t think anymore, you just need to be with him stuck in this moment forever. Soon enough, he releases his cum inside of your pussy.
You want to beg him to stay there for a while but you are too weak to speak.
Instead, Chan uses his fingers to push back the cum inside of your tiny pussy.
“Gotta make it stick. Will my bunny have my wolf puppies, huh?”
Oh? So, he’s that kind of guy. Well, you can’t say you mind...Besides, you’ve talked about this before and you’re on the pill so whatever he says is just for the sake of the scenario. Right?
“Was this okay?” Chan intends to find out and judging by his soft tone that is just begging to be praised you can tell that the scene is over.
“You did amazing, Chris,” you sigh wistfully and kiss his cheek.
“Better than your fantasies?”
“You have no idea.”
“So…when can we do something like this again?”
“Gee, let me have some water, at least,” you joke but your best friend (?) takes it literally and scoops you up in his arms, heading towards the stairs.
“Wait, where are we going?”
“To get you water, of course. And have a bath. And then to bed.”
Fuck. Maybe staying friends will be more complicated than you initially thought.
Once you’ve both been hydrated, washed up and dried out, you are cuddled in your bed, sharing snacks.
“Do you want to try something more extreme next week?” Chan asks casually. As if what you just did wasn’t already pretty intense.
“Um, sure? What exactly did you have in mind?”
“Kind of an outside setting. It will take some planning to make sure there aren’t other people but…it just came to mind while we were in the basement.”
“Tell me more about it,” you blink curioisly and put your hand on top of his.”
“So…how do you feel about being chased in a forest?”
To be continued…
#bang chan x reader#stray kids x reader#skz x reader#stray kids smut#bang chan smut#chan x reader#chan smut#stray kids imagines#stray kids fanfic#skz scenarios#stray kids#chan#writing
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The Great Goodreads Diss List (Part 1)
Context: For many years now, I have been collecting funny lines from Goodreads reviews to share with my coworkers. (I do collection development, reader's advisory, and weeding at a public library, so I read a LOT of reviews)
Are some of these, perhaps, rather mean? Yes, but they are also very funny, and come from a place of honest frustration. In the tradition of Bargepole threads and lists everywhere, names and titles have been censored.
"First, I want to say that I understand how hard it is to write a book and how amazing it is when it is actually published. Congrats to the author for that accomplishment. That said--"
"Warning: This review will be lengthy due to pure hatred."
"I found myself feeling really, really annoyed with the world that this book is allowed to exist. We live in a universe where the passenger pigeon is extinct but this book goes along merrily being read by unsuspecting lovers of words and ideas and stories? It just seems like too much, you know?"
"Don't do it. Don't spring the cash for the hardcover. Instead, eat an entire bag of Twizzlers, spend some money you don't have at a high-end department store, look up on Facebook the shady college boyfriend that made you cry, research the current value of your home or 401K and then read all about how the big hedge fund managers are faring during the economic crisis. You'll feel about the same stomach pain if you waste your time reading this book."
"This wretched novel begins with the mugging of an old lady and it appears I may be in the process of repeating that loathsome crime as [author] was 78 when she wrote it. It is not nice to put the boot into such a poor defenseless old creature lying there with only a damehood, a Booker Prize and a few million quid. It’s a nasty job but somebody has to do it."
"I think this is the way dead people would write, if they could."
"I am considering setting up SPABB: Society for the Protection of Accurate Book Blurb. This blurb appears to have been written by someone from the publishers who met [the author] the night before, got very drunk, lost his notes and then constructed something in a fug of hangover the next morning."
"I congratulate [the author] on the early half of his book, which was thoroughly fun and made me laugh and think. I congratulate [the author] on the second half of his book, for finishing it. It reads like that was difficult."
"…a woman whose taste in contemporary literature has roughly the same batting average as a pitcher in the National League."
"The author is a pompous windbag."
"Recommends it for: No one. Recommended to me by: A friend who apparently wished to cause me great suffering."
"Makes me wonder: is it possible to obtain similes at a volume discount?"
"The repeated phrases made me want to mail a thesaurus to the author."
"I'm disappointed in myself for finishing this book."
"if the author described [character's] eyes as "obsidian" one more time I was tempted to write her and ask if her thesaurus broke."
"They say that an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters would, if given infinite time, eventually produce the complete works of William Shakespeare. [This book], on the other hand, would probably take the average monkey just under two hours."
"I can't imagine what the author had to do to get this nadir of Western literature printed on innocent trees, but he does seem to know a LOT about being well-connected in New York."
"This book is so bad it is almost worth reading just to make you appreciate the other books you are reading."
"Reads like it was written by a brilliant author, the night before it was due."
"raises interesting questions, like: can a book be so bad as to constitute an act of terrorism"
"has this author ever spoken to a human woman"
"This acorn has fallen so far from the tree that it can’t even see the forest."
"I’m guessing they are touted as ‘beach reads’ because no one will care if they get dropped into the ocean."
"This book begins with all the energy of a hand vacuum near the end of its battery life, and the pace doesn't quicken much from there."
"At least everybody’s eyes stayed the same color this time around.”
Part 2
Part 3
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