#I like to find myself difficulties everywhere I can

[regnard13]

A fanart of Basim for Access the Animus Challenge! It supposed to be a fully traditional art, but since I forgot to take my brushes with me, I had to color it in photoshop instead. I do intent to color the original art with watercolors, so there will be an update of this post soon!

[waywardsalt]

my grievances with botw

Breath of the Wild is... undeniably a fantastic game, but it is very genuinely not the kind of game I like, and since I started playing it I’ve been enjoying it less and less so... I have a pair of problems with it that I’d figure I’d go into, as well as some stuff that, while weak in botw, were executed better in past loz games.

(small shoutout to @zeldanamikaze for encouraging this and having some points that i agree with and had some examples that i hadn’t thought about much initially)

Again, Breath of the Wild is an objectively impressive game, and I’m not trying to sit here and convince you that it’s a bad game. I’m just trying to point out things that detracted from my enjoyment of it, especially compared to my enjoyment of other Zelda games.

Before I get into the big stuff, I’ll just shoot off some quick little things that I think could’ve been improved:

- The dungeons generally felt like glorified shrines, and while they had cool mechanics and ways to access them, they were short and more or less pretty simple and all have similar visual and musical identities.

- Side quests and their rewards didn’t feel worth doing half of the time. I barely remember any notable ones off the top of my head and the longer ones just gave mostly generic rewards, which I suppose makes sense considering the limited amount of truly unique items in botw.

- Seeing the same enemies over and over again made the combat feel more like a chore than something to really engage with, not to mention that there is hardly any difficulty scaling beyond just making the enemies more durable.

- The story is fine, but in my experience, even seeing people go into more detail about the meanings of events, I never really cared for the events or the characters presented, since you don’t actually have to directly interact with any of that to play the game. Hell, you don’t even need to interact with the story at all to beat it, so the focus certainly doesn’t feel like it’s on the story.

- It would be a lie to call the soundtrack bad, but it’s sparse usage makes it hard to truly appreciate and the fact that most of it is meant to be more atmospheric generally makes them a bit less interesting to listen to on their own, though I will admit there are some fantastic tracks in botw, usually being some of the boss themes.

- While the Sheikah slate runes are cool, they feel very bland after a while, especially compared to the varied items seen in previous games. They’re good tools for an open world, but not much fun otherwise (the bombs were good though, since they had a variety of uses).

And that’s the quick stuff- again, mostly courtesy of @zeldanamikaze, since these are the examples I’ve seen her mention.

I have two big points that kind of encapsulate why I dislike this game and still adore the older games, that being: the minigames and the items and their relationships to dungeons.

Breath of the Wild is a very different game than what came past it, and I am very aware that it is a vast departure from those other games for a reason. However, this leads me to view it not only simply as a game not up my alley, but also as kind of inferior in some aspect to those previous Zelda games. Breath of the World is first and foremost an open world game, seemingly putting a focus on gameplay enjoyment above all else (not to imply that the ‘else’ is bad because of this, but I do think that the ‘else’ suffers in comparison to other Zelda titles.)

It may also be worth mentioning that the other Zelda games I have played is the following: LoZ NES, Link’s Awakening (Original and Remake), Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask, Phantom Hourlgass, Skyward Sword, A Link Between Worlds, and Triforce Heroes. I have also played both hyrule warriors games as well as loz 2, wind waker, and minish cap, none of the latter 3 i have finished or currently have access to.

1: The Minigames

Minigames are common in Zelda games, so of course botw has a few scattered around it’s world. Botw’s minigames are very different than the minigames seen in past Zelda games, mostly due in part to the limited array of items and unique gameplay gimmicks available in botw. Botw’s minigames usually focus on different forms of archery, gliding, or rune usage: all things integral to normal gameplay. At best you get rupees or cosmetic items from most minigames.

Botw’s minigames are just slightly altered situations of normal gameplay. The bowling is just using stasis except this time the game has a special little arena for it. Pretty much all of the archery games are either just counting how many deer you can kill or if you can just hit some targets on horseback. There’s one race I can think of and one gliding activity I can think of.

This makes sense, considering that there are a handful of other non-minigame activities to engage in, but these minigames feel... hollow. None of the minigames feature gameplay exclusive to those minigames or feature gameplay only used in certain parts of the game. They all make use of readily available mechanics in botw, so they’re like tests of skill- but otherwise not really any worth giving a second-thought unless you want to see how good of a glider or archer you are or grab some extra rupees.

But they aren’t very... worth it or generally fun within the context of botw. It’s just another way to do something that is available to you pretty much all game. They don’t feel unique, they just feel like a task.

Previous Zelda games (obviously) have archery minigames and allow you to use archery when you get the bow and from that point onward. And yet the archery minigames are made unique from the rest of the archery in the game; ocarina of time’s archery minigame is simply just shooting at targets, but the possible rewards and the simple fact that not often are you going to be continuously shooting arrows at enemies make it a bit of a novel experience within oot. The minigames in past zelda games take advantage of the items and area-specific mechanics: they usually include item-exclusive mechanics like bombchu games, or take advantage of more specific mechanics, like the minecarts in skyward sword, the masks in majora’s mask, or being able to control gongoron in phantom hourglass.

They also gave genuine rewards- empty bottles, quest items, ship parts, new masks, heart containers or pieces, kinds of stuff that are hard to get and very valuable. They’re worth doing for reasons outside of just a little activity. The minigames in other Zelda games do really enhance the experience by taking advantage of situational mechanics or giving a unique usage for some items.

You can probably get every item in botw without playing all of the minigames. They have little actual purpose. But in other zelda games, they have a purpose in the greater game and provide novel experiences within the game.

2: Items and their relationships with the dungeons

Obviously, compared to past games, botw’s ‘dungeons’ kind of sucked. They’re fine in a vacuum, with interesting gimmicks and the like, but they’re really little more than glorified shrines with four different-but-similar bosses at the end.

In my opinion, one of reasons why the divine beasts just... fell flat compared to other zelda dungeons is the lack of unique items in general. The runes in botw are cool and useful but you get them at the start of the game and never get anything new. You are give every tool you need to beat all of the dungeons the moment you finish the tutorial.

Older zelda games’ dungeons being tied to their respective items is a big part- to me- of what makes those dungeons so good.

Obviously, the theming, musical themes, and larger layouts and more varied puzzles make them objectively better experiences, but the way they interact with item acquisition makes the whole thing even better. 

Even in a link between worlds, where you can get every item whenever you want from Ravio, each dungeon is still tied to one of those items, and one of those items is needed to successfully complete that dungeon.

The dungeons in past Zelda games are practically complex tutorials on how you can use your new items. They are where those items shine and they are designed so that those items are used to their fullest potential within. And then you must then use that item to defeat that dungeon’s boss, and you usually have no chance of beating that boss if you don’t make use of the dungeon’s associated item. It’s like a final test for the item, seeing if you know how it works enough to complete the dungeon and use it against a boss’s weaknesses.

The most recent example, and probably one of the best, is needing to use the whip to tear off koloktos’ arms in the ancient cistern, but the classic scenario of the bombs for king dodongo works well enough, and the bosses of majora’s mask requiring you to understand how the transformation masks work. There are definitely some bosses that require no use of dungeon items (moldorm in the tower of hera, either ghirahim fights), but the item’s usage is still showcased prominently in their dungeons.

Outside of the dungeons, too, the progressive acquisition of items makes more areas and secrets available to you, giving a much more palpable sense of progression through those games’ worlds.

In botw, you get every tool the moment you are released into the rest of hyrule, so while figuring out what to do with those tools can be fun, the sense of progression is dampened by having every item from the start and nothing you gain beyond that being needed for anything aside from a nice little ability to make things easier.

I’m not really too sure exactly why I never found botw fun the way everyone else does, but I think lackluster minigames and the general lack of items that aid a sense of progression are parts of it.

[provendermalkin]

the problem with having a lot of experience at optimizing the order you do things in and looking at how things work so you can take them apart is that eventually your games become kind of boring because you've just sort of broken them in half as soon as you understand the mechanics.

on the one hand, I find it frustrating when a game artificially gates progress behind arbitrary enforced difficulty that you can't overcome with tricks or strategies. But on the other hand, I am very good at finding those tricks when they exist, and I inevitably lose interest once I discover there's simply no reason to continue playing-- either the challenge is gone, or I've done everything there is to do pretty much as fast as you can do it without being a serious speedrunner

[tuliptic]

My Way: Finding My Place in Adulthood

Don’t be afraid, dreams are everywhere, just keep going as I always have, this is my way.

Henlo adults here, this is another reading for y’all. This reading is specifically targeted to all adults: young adults to ease their minds; regular adults to get used to adulthood. Adulthood is really… Something… And this is coming from someone who’s turning 30 soon. I still have no grasp about what I’m doing, how I’m living my life, etc. Adulthood is still scary to me, though I have to say I’m seeing myself getting better and better day by day. Taking baby steps is important, as we all grow from what we experience.

Close your eyes, meditate on this topic and ask yourself the question: How am I supposed to move around in adulthood, being an adult? Breathe in and out, make sure your mind and heart is calm. Then, open your eyes to see which pile talks to you the most/draws you in the most. Once you’ve found your pile, scroll down to the respective parts to see what are the messages for you.

Pile 1 - Pile 2

Pile 3 - Pile 4

Disclaimer: This is solely for my entertainment purposes. Take only whatever you feel like it. If it doesn’t resonate, it’s okay to just drop it. Also, I do not consent to my work or images being used by third parties on this platform or other websites as well.

Decks used: Luna Cat Tarot Deck (Major Arcana), Linestrider Tarot Deck, Sweet Dreams Oracle Deck, Starcodes Astro Oracle Deck.

Pile 1: Don’t be afraid, dreams are everywhere

One card to represent you: The World

I feel like there’s some sort of fear and enlightenment here. Some of you have an idea of what you want to do or achieve in your life, some of you know your life purposes, most of you are content with how your life is right now and are just going with the flow. However, all have a certain discomfort in common, which is fear of uncertainty. Most here may have earth influence in your chart, where stability is needed, where you are able to hold certain control over your own life. What if I do this and I could no longer go back? What if I give up my job and pursue something else? You have the answers to these questions, but you’re not ready to take the first step because of how certain you are that things will not go as you planned and hence, you’re in a standstill. (PS: Some of you may be into spirituality as well, and you might be called to use this gift to achieve enlightenment for yourself and the people around you.)

1. What are the expectations I have for myself? - Four of Wands rx

For some reason, I feel that… You expect difficulties. You don’t expect or believe good things can come to you without lessons or pain. You believe in fairness and balance, that amazing things can only come to you if you put in the effort and work hard. Hence, you tend to not take certain opportunities either because you think you don’t deserve it or you don’t think you’re capable of it. In a sense, I’d say that this way of thinking has caused quite some conflict and tension, not allowing you to enjoy the peace and security you usually like. What has brought you comfort in the past is now hindering you to accept new happiness in.

2. Feasibility on achieving those expectations? - Seven of Cups rx

Seven of Cups is a card of illusion, but with it in reverse, it is a card of choice. This relates back to the first card pulled, the card to represent you. You know what to do, you are capable of doing it, but there’s fear holding you back. Or maybe, fears. To you, you’re not only jumping out of your comfort zone, but into a danger zone where you have no idea how to manage the risks. Accept your fears, let yourself fall, let yourself fail. Have courage, believe that you’ll still be able to stand up after the fall and grow better from it. You’ll be surprised with what you’re capable of.

3. What are my weaknesses and how do I compensate? - Death rx

This card here is very self-explanatory: You fear change. That’s it. You prefer stability over anything else, and you fear losing control over what you have. What is yours needs to remain yours. This may stem from insecurities that were caused by traumas when you were younger, may it be people leaving you, or being disappointed by others, or something else. It has definitely affected your thought process, your understanding of the world and your way around it. The first thing that came into my mind was therapy, because there are some deep-seated issues that you may have. You’ll need to identify your fear, the root cause of it, work it out, and step out to try something new, constantly regenerating yourself on the way.

4. What are my strengths and how do I get better at them? - Nine of Wands

You’re resilient. You may not think so, thinking that how you function is just the norm and everyone else does the same. No, you’re different. You have gone through a lot of things and those experiences help you manoeuvre yourself around the present issues, and you learn as you grind through the challenges presented. People may see you as an inspiration with how you manage to not dim your lights through the darkest nights. You need to know that you have a side like this, and that you’re able to encourage others through you being you. Shine. Accept yourself and shine brighter, be the inspiration you’ve wanted to be. You’ll be surprised with how things will fall in place and come to you.

5. What is it in adulthood that I should focus on? - Eight of Wands

I’d say building connections would help you in the long run. Eight of Wands is a card that talks about action, which is… Again, self-explanatory. But what sort of actions should you be taking? In what field? Connections and networking. I’d say most of you have a way with words, or some may even have 3H or 11H placements. By building a web of connections, you’re able to gather information and help from various parties that will help you to get on the right track. Some may even push you towards the direction that you want to head to. Be proactive in making friends, talking to people, and taking the first step. Once you throw yourself out, people will know you and will be able to provide the support you need. And then you can vroom your way.

6. What are the directions and advice that I need to know/hear? - Five of Pentacles rx

One comforting message here is that difficult times shall pass. You may think you overcame something but there’s more to work on, which you’ll realise that the issue you face is still affecting your decision making as of current. You’ve got to review your past and learn your lessons, know that you can’t afford to stay in this mindset for long. This card acts as a sign that it’s time for you to move from feeling insecure to a more adjusted mindset, which will be prompted when you see new perspectives. You will be receiving messages from your guides and higher selves in various forms. Trust your gut feeling, believe in every reason that makes you feel better.

Overall energy: The Tower, Five of Cups rx

The themes of lesson, growth and replacing things and values that no longer serve you. Liberation will come to you when you move past that phase that’s holding you back. Hmm… Lemme reword myself. This pile gives me the feeling of something promising is coming, but you’ll need to go through the lessons (aka accepting that good things can come to you without your expected cost, it’s alright to fail, the need to find out the root cause of insecurities, etc). Life will present opportunities to learn, and will bring in new people for you to grow together. You know you are loved. If you don’t know it, now you do. Believe it.

.

.

.

Pile 2: Finally we begin

One card to represent you: The Empress

I would say that you have a gentle energy, you’re the person others go to when they’re feeling down or when they need some advice. You radiate a warmth that’s calming, providing a space of comfort for the hurt and wounded to rest and heal. You are intuitive, tho I have to say that your wisdom outshines it. It’s not just wisdom, it’s not just gentleness, but also a sense of belonging, a place where one returns to. Your intuition is what gives you the ability to see through things, people as well as the unknown. Some of you may have clair abilities, especially claircognizance. 

1. What are the expectations I have for myself? - Ten of Pentacles

I would say that you expect to build a life, build a family of your own, to be your own source of whatever you want. You do not want to rely on other people for things, especially financial abundance and happiness. You want to be your own provider so that you would feel secure with it, and that you’ll be able to contribute or give out what you have without needing to be conscious of how others look at you. There’s a hint of family themes among this, so it could also be you wanting to be the provider in your new found family without losing your own independence, if this makes sense.

2. Feasibility on achieving those expectations? - Ace of Swords rx

It’s doable, but it’s difficult. I feel that there’s quite some conflict between you and your family, resulting in you wanting to build a new family or to have your own found family. There’s this tension in you that is blocking a lot of blessings, I’d say. There’s a lack of clarity and undefined goals, preventing you from achieving success and happiness (depending on what you define them as). You will need to review your expectations, to set clear and measurable goals, only then you’ll be able to see your progress and further decide on how you want to proceed or to make changes along the way. Do not try to cover up facts or find excuses. You know that it’s not going to help you in the long run. Face it, accept it, work with it. 

3. What are my weaknesses and how do I compensate? - The Sun

Optimism is great, but being overly optimistic is not good. You tend to see the good side of things and may end up beautifying them, exaggerating them, or even fabricating them unconsciously. For some reason, I’m also seeing that you may be beautifying self-sacrificial tendencies, or attempt to attract people with your pain. You want to shine, want others to pay attention to you. Some of you may be prideful, but some would use whatever they’re “lacking” to attract attention. Example: Your friends use iPhone, and you use Android. Instead of saying you want to be different, you probably will go with the approach of “people who use iPhones are just keeping up with the trend and thinking that’s the higher end”, when in reality you can’t afford an iPhone. This is just an exaggerated example illustrated here for you to have an idea.

4. What are my strengths and how do I get better at them? - Death

Change is your forte. Some of you may not know it, but some of you do (and perhaps do not accept it). It’s not flexibility that we’re talking about, but more of an open-mindedness along with acceptance. Once you’ve overcome your weakness, you will be more open to listening to what others have to say, and forming your own opinion based on whatever information you’ve gathered (from others, from your own research, as well as updating outdated data). The transitioning phase will be smoother during then, when you shift from the old to the new. Right now, I’d say that there’s still a part of you who’s unable to accept that you’re wrong, or incorrect at certain things. There’s no fault in having pride over your knowledge, but if it is hindering you from improving, then you may need to work on that. 

5. What is it in adulthood that I should focus on? - The Emperor

Focus on your goals and what you want to achieve. For you, I’d say, one of your goals would probably be something that’s legacy related, may it be inheriting something (finance, career, skills, connections, etc.) or starting a new legacy (starting your own company, building network from scratch, starting to take up a very specific and niche role, etc.). I would also say that you’ll need to look straight ahead. The Emperor can’t afford to look around, only focusing on the path that’s in front of him where he tread carefully but boldly, carving the steps out for his people to follow (somewhat a legacy too). Do not be distracted, do not easily give in to temptation.

6. What are the directions and advice that I need to know/hear? - Eight of Cups rx

First thing I’d like to say is that your journey is going to be lonely. It’s not just going on that journey alone, but it’s something akin to a burden or a mission that you can’t tell anyone. You may have tried telling a family or a friend about it, and they don’t think it’s a big deal, resulting in you swallowing the pain alone, no longer willing to trust. The disappointment and disillusionment has uhhhh thicken around you. Think of them as fogs around you, and as they thicken, the more difficult it is for you to see your path. That. Communication with boundaries is very important for you right now, where you can put a balance between the socialisation and exposing yourself thoughtlessly. It’s difficult for some people, where you unknowingly overshare too much. Learn from it, find out a way that works for you. Open yourself to things, allow yourself to be open to inspirations from things and people around you.

Overall energy: Strength, Six of Swords rx

You’re strong, knowing where to go and how to reach your destination. Just that whatever that’s happening around you is preventing you from moving forward. You’re holding a lot of things back because whatever situations you’re in, but your passion and faith in life is strong enough to support you. You are doing your best with whatever you have right now, looking for opportunities in life’s challenges and learning the lessons. It is a difficult time, but have faith that things will turn for the better. Prepare your boat, and once the wind blows, set sail.

.

.

.

Pile 3: No matter what I’m going my way, to the place I’ve dreamed of every night

One card to represent you: The Chariot

I would say that you’re someone who’s goal oriented. You know what you want and you'll work towards it. I would also say that you may be impatient at times, wanting to achieve things in a short time. It feels like you feel that you're running out of time, especially when you compare yourself to your peers. For example, people your age have been talking about career advancement while you're still figuring out what to do, or your friends are married with kids and you're still single and feeling miserable. You know you're on the right path at your own pace, and you appreciate your days and blessings, but sometimes you just feel anxious about being “left out”. 

1. What are the expectations I have for myself? - Three of Swords rx

You expect yourself to be healed from your wounds and traumas soon. You want it quick, you want it urgently, and you’re pushing yourself far more than you can deal with at the moment. You probably may have gone through some childhood traumas and you’ve left them as they are. It may be due to the society or environment you grew up thinking that whatever you experienced was normal (Asian families, perhaps?). You thought vulnerability was a fault until recent years, where you learn to accept and honour them, and from there you proceed to heal your inner wounds. You may have thought that once you’re done with Phase 1, you can immediately complete Phase 2 of your healing, and… Sorry to break it to you, it’s not gonna happen that way.

2. Feasibility on achieving those expectations? - Two of Swords

It feels like you’re asking yourself the question: Am I healed or not? And your answer to it is either yes or no. Which… Is not how healing works. Healing is a process; a journey, not a mathematical equation which is either right or wrong. You may think you’ve been healed but in reality, you may not have achieved that yet. You’re not seeing a lot of things yet, which is why you need to rely on your senses, especially hearing. You need to learn to listen to the whispers of others, may it be your friends or your guides. You are not alone, you have people accompanying you through this journey because you are loved. Healing is not linear, so take your time.

3. What are my weaknesses and how do I compensate? - The Fool rx, The Devil

I would say that you have expectations and you may think you’re living up to that, believing that you’re better and you live like it. … Lemme rephrase myself: You think you’re alright and that you’re living as how you expect yourself to be when you are not. It’s like you’re putting on a mask to deceive yourself and to show others that you’re doing fine. There’s this saying that you’ll need to fool yourself first if you want to fool your enemy. That’s you. You’re pretending and putting up an act, which will eventually cause your downfall to be greater than what you’ve experienced. Your insecurities are devils in disguise, which you probably know of. Now that you know of this side of yours, you will need to think and use your brain to figure out as you go. 

4. What are my strengths and how do I get better at them? - Four of Swords rx, Eight of Pentacles rx

I would say that you’re very action based, and you think a lot. One thing that’s special about you is that you know when to stop thinking. Unlike most people, once they start thinking, they spiral into their thoughts and have no way out. You, however, know when to stop and how to pull yourself out from that headspace. From there, you then use that energy and time to focus on earth-themed items, such as career, work, fame, building something, etc. You’re basically the healthy combination of brain and physical energy, making sure both of these aspects are taken care of, working on them when others are still trapped in their heads. If you think that you do not have this trait, maybe you can try it out. I believe all can achieve this, but your pile is able to tap into it easily as compared to others.

5. What is it in adulthood that I should focus on? - Four of Pentacles

Learning to focus on yourself, to put yourself first before others. I’m not sure if you’ve been called selfish for putting your needs above others, but you’re not. You can only share when you have extra/excess, and that’s when sharing becomes something comfortable and meaningful. Remember, you are not supposed to burn yourself to warm others. Let yourself have your own time, build connections with yourself and with others. Collaboration is something that you can work on, may it be work related projects or personal projects. Passion projects are things that will help you redirect your energy, and for you to keep yourself occupied when you realise your thoughts are jumbled up again with the excess energy.

6. What are the directions and advice that I need to know/hear? - Three of Cups

I would say that you will need to build your own home with people you trust in, with people you’re comfortable with. You may have gone through quite some family trauma, and your safe space may no longer lie with it. Remember, home is where the heart lies. As long as you feel comfortable, comforted and safe, you are home. For some reason, you may have been seen as the black sheep of your family. You have been told that you have great communication skills (may also have 3H placements), and it would be great if you know how to use that skill to its full potential. There’s more you can do with it, may it be drawing people to you, or drawing people away from people who harmed you. 

Overall energy: Judgement, Wheel of Fortune rx

I feel that you tend to judge yourself a lot, or people may have passed their biased judgement onto you when you’ve decided to not go their way. There are also some… Remnants? Of feelings of unjust? You have felt that life was unfair and things have not been going your way. Though you may have put that thought aside real quick cuz you believe in yourself more than what the stars or fate has said. You prefer to take things into your own hands instead of whatever higher beings there are out there, and I’d say that you’re doing a good job with it.

.

.

.

Pile 4: I admit it now life is a long marathon, the difference is that I set the course

One Two cards to represent you: The High Priestess, The Lovers rx

The first word that came to me is intuitive. You know you’re intuitive and you have used your intuition on a lot of things that came into your life, may it be making decisions or using it to discern those who come close to you with agendas. But still, you probably have some… Troubles with love? Not necessarily romantic ones, but platonic and love towards yourself as well. For some reason, I feel that you may feel called to be a lover. It can be self love, but personally, I feel that the energy here is more outwards, where you are supposed to love others, and yet there’s no one out there deserving of your love. Some of you may have 12H or Pisces placement as well, which may give others an impression of being dreamy or drunk in love. (My logical head thinks so, but for some reason I’m feeling that heart-clenching feel, as well as a sense of loss. Not sure how to phrase it well tbh.)

1. What are the expectations I have for myself? - The Moon rx

Weirdly, for some reason, I’d say that you expect yourself to be… Different? You know you’re different and that you may sometimes feel that you are unable to align with how this world functions. Hence, when you feel you’re becoming too “earthly”, you may feel torn, because you expect yourself to do or achieve “unearthly” things, eg: to be a spiritual guru, to do reiki healing, etc. You are definitely one pile that is more prone to the spiritual side of the world, where you’ll often have a nagging feeling at the back of your head when you’re not doing anything of that sort. 

2. Feasibility on achieving those expectations? - The Empress

It is definitely something achievable, that is, if you focus on healing yourself as well as creating meaningful bonds with the people around you. One of the main themes of The Empress is to nurture, which you are called to not only nurture the people around you, but also to nurture yourself. You will also need to be with the right group of friends who will be able to help you flourish (and of course, you helping them as well, as this is a mutual relationship). I honestly don’t know what else to say about this because the message is repetitive, and I think you know it as well. 

3. What are my weaknesses and how do I compensate? - Two of Cups rx

This card in this position talks about tension, deception or even lack of trust between you and your spiritual side. For some reason, I’m feeling that you are holding too strongly to a certain thought or a belief. It causes stress and fatigue, making you lose hope in the process. Instead of taking a forced “temporary” approach, it would be better for you to reflect on what it brings you, and to let go of past beliefs that no longer serve you. Two of Cups is supposed to be a card of joyful celebration, a union between two parties. You will need to turn the card upright. It’s time to release the old and embrace the new, only then you’ll be able to grow into your very best self.

4. What are my strengths and how do I get better at them? - Six of Swords rx

I would say that one of your strengths is special, because it is not so to a lot of people. You do not let your problems push you, but you work your way with it. See, most people’s first reaction is to solve the problem or to run away from it, but you choose to live with it and rebuild your life around it. There’s a part of you that is unwilling to make your life a mess by running and avoiding the problems. You surrender. Not in a negative way. You surrender the pain and stress, you abandon the old, limiting beliefs, and you live in the present. The best way I can describe it is… It’s like you’re a monk, where you live with whatever that is happening around you. Waves (troubles and challenges) are around you, and you’re on the boat, keeping yourself calm, not bothering with what the world is doing, keeping your calm. It's like you know there's a life after death and that you're working on it right now instead of being present in the current earthly life.

5. What is it in adulthood that I should focus on? - Ace of Wands

Ace of Wands is the first card in the Minor Arcana. What I’m picking up from here is that you’ll need to create a new beginning for yourself. I wouldn’t say it’s The Fool kinda journey, because The Fool’s journey is of meeting people and learning the lessons on the way. Your kind of journey is understanding what you want, seizing opportunities, and turning your enthusiasm into actions. You have an idea of where you want to go, when you want to reach there, how you’re going to move, with whom you will want to travel on this journey. I would also say that it would be a great time for you to filter your circle so that you’ll be able to go on this journey with the least distraction.

6. What are the directions and advice that I need to know/hear? - Four of Pentacles rx This is a time where you should consider relaxing your mind and remember that you cannot control what others are doing or holding. You know you have enough, and instead of focusing on the action of others, focus on yourself instead and how you can block out the noises. With this done, you will be able to move from a period of control and fear and anxiety to a stage of being more open (and blank). It’s like… Once you are able to clear your mind, those noises no longer mean a thing to you, and you’ll be able to focus on yourself and what you want to achieve. I’m also picking up words like “zen”, “calm” and “enlightenment”. … Yeah the word “monk” too.

Overall energy: The Devil, The Chariot

I am feeling some self-sabotaging themes here. It may sound difficult to accept but I do think The Devil here talks about you, where you’re embodying some traits, thoughts or beliefs that you’re unwilling to let go. Y’know how some things turn toxic when there’s excess or if you hold onto it for too long? That. It’s burdening you and you probably are actively trying to run away from it. I’m having the image of you being annoyed at how you’re not progressing, and you end up flipping the table, scattering all the plans you’ve made for yourself. Probably some big changes are bound. Clear up the space and welcome your spirit guides to show up in wondrous and unexpected ways.

[keyofjetwolf]

So I ran the 5k this weekend.

By which I mean I walked the 5k.

This was my first "race". I signed up in January-ish, as a way to help motivate me to get my shit together, healthy-speaking. It didn't work. Or, rather, I didn't work.

I've fallen way off my path toward some modicum of health and fitness. I missed some major goals and was furious with and disgusted in myself. Rather than use that as a stick to encourage me forward however, I beat myself into the ground with it. HI HELLO WELCOME TO OUR SAME OLD TIRED BULLSHIT THIS IS ALWAYS SO HELPFUL TO US. But I varied it up! Since I no longer really have the luxury of being a perpetual sad sack, dragging my failures up on stage to consistently, cruelly, delightfully abuse myself with and about, I shoved it all into a box in the corner and ignored it. Problem solved!

Except of course that included focusing on, you know, SOLUTIONS. Ignoring a thing literally never solved the thing, and I knew that, and kept resurfacing and poking and needling, but I am like Olympic-level procrastination sometimes, and kept punting it down the road. "That's a problem for Future Jet Wolf, and I hate that cunt, fuck her!" is a joke I make often and laugh at always, but of course eventually Future Jet Wolf becomes Now Jet Wolf and there's no more road, just a big ol' ball of problems kicked right smack in the middle of my confused, startled gob. What?? Who could have possibly foreseen??!

So it was when the 5k arrived. I didn't want to do it. In the days leading up, my brain -- cunning hateful bitch she can be -- started whispering all the extremely logical and justifiable reasons excuses to not. "Yeah," I agreed, "but we gotta."

The whisper reached full on panicked crescendo yesterday morning. I don't know if it was self-sabotage, or just the universe having its usual fun, but everything went wrong. I couldn't find my shirt and shorts, buried somewhere in the piles of clean clothes I have yet to put away (another club wielded with great effectiveness before the day was out). By the time I dug up replacements, I was late in the shower, thus late out the door. I grabbed my watch and my headphones, but despite never having difficulty before, could get neither to work. I drove the wrong way and twisted myself around getting to the park where the race was to start. When I finally arrived, I couldn't tell where we were to gather. There were participants everywhere, walking about, but no central gathering that I could see. Signs were posted, but sporadically, and to my eyes, random and contradictory. The race was moments from starting.

I want to say I brushed all this aside without effort, that I bravely and confidently pressed onward and sorted things out. I want to say that. What actually happened is I found a quiet and -- jesus wept, I hope it was -- hidden spot and cried for a minute. Maybe two. Reasons Excuses formed on my lips and they tasted sweet. Hell, if I spun this right, it would be HILARIOUS. Another "Oh, that Theodore Nickels!" story. We would tell it around the Shabbat table and have a grand laugh.

I've not yet found my way to any point of pride in this overlong and deeply unflattering tale, but if I get there, it's likely in this moment, where I wiped my face on my shirt, pushed away from the wall, and resumed my search for the starting line.

Then I was there. The race was to begin at 9:45, not 9:30 like I thought, so I had a solid ten minutes. Got my watch rebooted. Found the headphone manual online and successfully powered it up. When the race began, I took one step forward, then another. 51 minutes later, I crossed the finish line. I had completed my first race.

I was deeply, violently disappointed in myself. The vitriol began immediately. What a pathetic effort. Humiliating. Barely a fraction of what what Doc and Mike accomplished, and done excruciatingly poorly at that. Shameful, laughable, grotesque, thesaurus.com etc etc blah blah blah. On and on, all goddamn day, until I found it as boring as I did upsetting.

PLUS SIDE: the more it goes on, the easier it gets to ignore a constant hateful drone.

LEGIT HILARIOUS ATTEMPT AT BONUS POINTS: my brain seized my lack of creativity in ongoing self-abuse and added that to the evidence list of my suckage BABYGIRL I CANNOT TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY RIGHT NOW ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REAL

Right, then, so what the fuck? If it were literally anybody but myself, I'd be cheering them on. YOU DID THE THING. Doing the thing is objectively more accomplished than NOT doing the thing. What did I realistically expect? That I'd take top prize in the first race I'd ever done with a preparation level I'd managed to sink into the negative? And would that have even mattered? What result would have appeased? What achievement would translate to victory?

24 hours later, I still don't really have answers. It might be pent up derision at myself for that previous goal-failure and backslide which I'm now directly confronting instead of ignoring. It might be some weird twisted preservation thing of the "you can't fail if you don't try" flavour of bullshittery. It might be the desperation of a destructive streak unwilling to allow improvement without a vicious bloody battle. All of this? At the very least, I think, some.

I forget, sometimes, more times than I'd like, that the meds don't fix everything, they simply keep the shit I can't control at bay so I can focus on the work. Work's still gotta be done, kiddo. That's on you.

Last night, I registered for my next 5k.

I'll definitely remember how to turn on my headphones. One improvement, NAILED. Not sure what #2 will be, but I've got three weeks. Time for work.

[pale-opal]

Heya! How long have you been writing for? And also, what inspired you to do so? Also any tips for new writers?

Hello! I would say that I have been writing since... well, since always, really. But I only started getting serious about it in middle school. I was inspired by a lot of the books that I read, and as I got older and started becoming aware of the processes authors used to write their stories, and I noticed that some of them didn't really use outlines: they just started with whatever idea they came up with in their head. And at some point I must've thought to myself: "Hey, I come up with stories in my head all the time! I could totally write a book!" (I did try doing that at one point - I never finished it. But I'm kind of glad I didn't. The story I wrote was a hot mess.) I do have a few tips for new writers: 1. If you have an idea, write it down - Ideas are all well and good, but that's all they are: ideas. They can't do anything until they get out of your brain.

2. Take breaks frequently - Ironically enough, taking breaks is just as important as writing whenever you can. Breaks are key for preventing burnout (which is the death of manuscripts and fanfictions everywhere), and for keeping up with your health and preventing conditions like carpal tunnel. Not only that, but if you're having difficulty with something you've been working on for a while, stepping away from it and coming back after a few hours can give you "fresh eyes", and let you examine your work with a new perspective (this works for just about any creative pursuit, really. I've personally found it helpful when doing art (walking away for an hour or two has saved so many drawings from being scrapped)).

3. Use prompts to practice - If you want to write, but don't know what to write about, prompts are a good way to get started or to warm up! I've found that writing-based bingo boards are a good way to find a lot of interesting prompts in one go.

4. Read as much as you can - Reading can be really helpful in learning about new subject matter and expanding your vocabulary. Not only that, but what you read influences your creative voice. If you like the way a certain writer writes their characters, settings, prose, etc. and you want your work to be more like theirs, try reading more of their work if you can. There's nothing wrong with wanting your work to reflect what inspires you.

5. Experiment with other genres - What genre a story is in can have a large impact on how characters behave and what the setting looks like. For example, a person is going to act a lot differently in a zombie apocalypse than they would in a coffee shop AU. If you want to get a good grip on how a character acts and what their personality is like, try throwing them into a different genre.

6. Write from experience and personal knowledge - The saying "Write what you know" can apply to both one's life experiences and what they are aware of from an academic standpoint, and doing so can help make what you write seem more believable. For instance, if I knew a lot about plants, that information might come in handy for doing something like coming up with a plant-based metaphor, or if I wanted to write a character that was a botanist. On the other hand, if I knew what it was like to be left at the altar, I might use that to write that same event as part of a character's backstory. However, if there is something that you've experienced that was hard to process, think carefully before writing about it. It's like method acting: it can be really effective and even therapeutic, but it can also cause you harm if you're not careful. 7. Don't be afraid to look up synonyms - If you find yourself using the same word over and over, see if that word has any applicable synonyms. Google is honestly so very useful in this regard. It's been of so much assistance to me that it's gotten to the point where I am starting to wonder if the Oxford English Dictionary (which is where Google pulls definitions from) has ever saved a life. But try to keep connotations in mind. "Small", "little", and "itty-bitty" all mean the same thing, but they read differently, and that difference can become highly apparent in different contexts. For example, "Joel was little" has its own vibe in comparison to "Joel was itty-bitty."

8. Show your writing to others - This is something that I struggled with for a while, and still have issues with sometimes. However, something that I have found to be helpful is showing my work to someone who I'm close with. What might be considered a harsh criticism from someone else feels a lot less intimidating when it's coming from someone who you've known for a while. Not only that, but there is a good chance that they'll catch a mistake you made that you didn't notice while working on it, or even if you check over your work yourself (that's just the sad truth of looking at something for a long time, even if you take breaks - things start to blend together). That's about it. I didn't think that my answers to your questions would make for such a long post, but I hope that you found this helpful!

[howdoesagrapewrites]

Hey pookie bearrr 🥰🥰

Feeling a little silly tonight after listening to some more Tyler while lying in my bed and thinking up random scenarios that will forever stay in my head and imagining myself being the main character in an edit SOOOO I got an idea

Okay but like just imagine- super happy reader x pavitr x gayatri (yan or not, don’t think it matters too much for this one so do whatever you feel like), they’re really down to earth and manage to calm both pavitr and gayatri down when they get stressed or angry. They don’t really talk about their own problems because they don’t view anything as problems, they’re and optimist that turns every difficulty into an opportunity per say. They’re just a very calm and happy person all round but one day after coming home from maybe a family gathering, with a family that isn’t the best, and they’re just so- upset and angry.

Not in the upset and angry that lash out at every little thing but the upset and angry that’s cold and short.

Anyways, gayatri and pavitr notice pretty quickly they’re really mad and they try to comfort reader but they’re just so dry it’s almost upsetting- short answers and snapping a little bit but then saying short and annoyed sorrys.

After trying to comfort the reader but failing gayatri and pavitr try and give them space and leave them to their own accord. Pavitr and gayatri and worrying about what to do in the living room when they hear loud crashes and thuds coming from their room. Scared and worried they run over the the room to find that the reader just trashed it, book cases thrown down, clothes scattered, papers and pens and pieces of glass scattered everywhere. In the center of the trashed room is the reader with their back to the door just seething by trying so hard to just keep it in and internalize it they’re on the brink of almost hurting themselves just to keep it internal.

Idek how to describe it cause it sounds kinda silly but I need some good ass hurt comfort and your the best person who could do my wacky little ideas justice 🕊️🕊️

Inspired by She by Tyler 🤑

𝘽𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙪𝙥 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙖𝙣

Cw: poly!reader x Pavitr Prabhakar x Gayatri Singh, reader has a toxic family, self harm, small bit of blood, hurt/comfort, tw for Gayatri and Pavitr being actually sane in this one fic.

Notes: hiii darling 💞 I really hope you like this<3 (I also do this so it's kinda inspired by my own issues 💀). I don't know if I got the "She" vibe, I think I'll save that song for a darker one

You're a calm person, a mature person, a positive person. The one that always knows what to do, the one that everyone goes to for advice, the one that has everything under control.

Control, controlled every crisis, every tear, you bite your tongue until you choke on the metallic taste, you swallow your own venom to save others the inexpedient. And you reap what you sow when others call you "sunshine", when they trust you, when you can help others through their own feelings, planting in other fields, the kindness you cannot grow on your own, for the life of you. The love, the mercy, it blooms around you, never in you.

You accept it, you embrace it, whenever you bottle up your emotions, you kiss it, you keep it. You hoard these ugly, complicated, muddy feelings, they remain even when you do what you're supposed to, when you do the healthy thing to do. They are kept with compassion. You hope for the day this boggy substances may have any use, may be adjuvant to fertilize the dry, mistreated field your heart, to clean it, rebirth it. You hope that your heart beating means something. That is a sign of hope, and not just a mechanical, calculated tic tac performed by a cold machine in order to keep the most important gear working, you hope that in the machine alike action of your body, there's something deeper, a "beyond" the blood and veins.

It's worth it, it's always worth it to you. When you guide your partners into confronting their emotions, teach them to see the bright side of life, when you take the higher ground instead of letting yourself say something you'd regret. However you look at it, it's worth it, and it's working.

Pavitr often notices it, he tells you to not work yourself too hard, and not bottle up your emotions, but even with though he has the best intentions in the world, he just doesn't understand it. Yes, there's the possibility that bottling up stuff might come back to bite you in the end, but why bother worrying about that? Your method works, and, isn't being positive, well- positive?

"Are you sure you want to do this alone?" Gayatri looked at you, troubled, she knew interactions with that side of the family rarely brought you more than distress. They offered to be there with you for you countless times, but you'd rather leave them out of it, away from your family's scrutiny. "I am, 'Tri you don't have to worry about me" she laid her hand on top of yours, silently saying "I got you", you look in the mirror and finish fixing your hair for what you know will be an hours long martyrdom you have to endure in order to keep peace.

They both say goodbye at the door, Pavitr kisses you cheek, you know what they're thinking, but you can handle it, unpleasant experiences aren't the end of the world, and you have been avoiding this for long enough, there's no use in hiding from your problems.

"I got some ice cream in the freezer in case you need to vent a bit after it" He offers you

"Sounds nice" you respond with a weak smile, you won't vent, he knows that. It's still so nice of him to want to give you space to.

During the gathering, you shift your attention to trivial, small things, like your spine. It should be straight, you need to correct your posture, you look at your nails, they're not at their best, you should get them done, your steps seem off, you couldn't have forgotten how to walk, is that concerning? Maybe you should go to a doctor. How does that one uncle always manages to smell like watered down old wine? You don't even sit down yet, he doesn't seem drunk, maybe it's his natural smell. The air also smells like lemon, that's a nice touch. Touch. You have to touch people to greet them, it's okay, you've done it before, you'll be okay, touching isn't a big deal, it's just customary, don't worry, you're almost done.

For the time you're back home, your head feels too heavy on your shoulders, your muscles are tense, you want to lay down, but you won't. You know you're annoyed, but it doesn't mean anything, just knowing you're feeling bad never did anything, never helped.

You open the door, and pray Gayatri and Pavitr are away, you are not surprised when those prayers aren't answered, and you find Gayatri working in her laptop and Pavitr probably making coffee, judging by the smell.

"How did it go?" Gayatri asks meekly, she hoped you'd take a sit next to her, but you're going straight to your room.

"Fine." You'd have the decency to look her in the eye while answering, but in your face is obvious it didn't go "fine".

"Well, we still have that ice cream in the freezer, we can always eat it to celebrate, no?" It doesn't take a genius to know you were lying, so now you know she's trying to cheer you up. Normally it'd be sweet.

"No. if you want it that badly, eat it." You hoped that answer would give her a sort of clue, but it doesn't, now she's getting up from the office chair to go get you.

"It doesn't look like you're fine" she says, putting her hand on your arm

"No shit, Sherlock"

"Y/N, I know you're stressed, but she's just trying to help" Pavitr comes out of fucking nowhere to intervene

"Now where did you come from?" You really didn't want to say it in that tone, so bitchy and almost disgusted

"It's my apartment? It's hers too?" He doesn't back down, he just states the obvious and remain unfazed by your tone

"Mine too, so I'd like to go to my room."

They leave you alone along with alright, whatever you want's said under their breath, you don't care.

They're both very surprised to see their usually down to earth, cheery partner acting that way, but per explicit request, they leave them alone.

The two walk silently to the living room, sitting next to each other in the periwinkle couch.

"It must've been quite bad to have them like this" Pavitr started, he was verbalizing what was evident, but it needed to be said

"I can't even imagine how they must be feeling, or what they did to them" Gayatri sighed

"Do you think there's something we could do?"

"Right now? Leave them alone, probably, they won't mean whatever they say. And I'm also a little mad, but it's not the time to talk" Gayatri rested her head on her lover's shoulder, it's an attempt to calm the racing thoughts, but they both know it's not enough.

The rummaging and the sound of their things hitting the floor starts. Pavitr shakes and tries to stand up, Gayatri grips his hand tighter, and just looks at him, no words spoken. But he understands he must stay away. They hear your various sounds of distress, the hairs in their arms and nape spiking, as they look to each other's eyes, hoping for some kind of answer.

Until none of them can contain and just sprint to your room, the door is locked, but it's a fairly weak safe, and it only takes a strong push of Spider-Man on the door to break it. You're crouching on the floor, face puffy from all the crying, and the room absolutely trashed. Books you were so eager to read, now mistreated and damaged, art supplies you saved money for, spilled, laying around, some broken, clothes scattered, your figures and other accents from your shelf on the floor, uncared for, and of course, the glass vase that held the latest flowers you received, spilled and soaked some of your belongings and left a puddle on the floor, along with spiky broken glass. Your breathing was audible, a cry for strength, so you'd be able to bottle up everything again, you didn't even seemed bothered by the sound of the door being violently opened.

You lay at the middle of all the chaos, and with graceful movements, they cross the sea of clutter for you, careful to not break anything more.

Pavitr crouches too, facing you, and softly grabbing your wrists so you can't keep using your nails to hurt yourself, he can see the bruises already forming in multiple spots of your body. Gayatri doesn't touch, afraid it'll overstimulate you more. Instead, she hums a melody, both to help you snap out of it, and to steady your heartbeat.

You come back to reality, muttering apologies, and wanting to leave this all behind, you really just want to encapsule your emotions away and avoid seeing such expressions in their faces.

But they won't let you, not this time, no matter how long you need to talk, how long it takes you to actually talk, if you cry or want to scream in the middle of it, they are both now vowing to never let you reach your breaking point again.

You have two people to share your burdens, who will never think less of you for not being useful, who'll appreciate all your feelings, even the ugly, muddy, complicated ones.

[aleksa-sims]

Simself Story

CW: addiction, pregnancy, cheating, divorce

I told him... 😢🤦‍♀️

As the sun slowly rose after we talked all night about what Daniel has experienced the last 4 months, it was my turn, to tell him what I did, while he was gone...

What I can say? 😞... He was devastated. It wasn’t really my pregnancy or the fact that I get a baby by someone else, what has made him so upset, but rather the... circumstances that led to it and how it all came about. All our probs were caused by that damn attack/assault on us, 8 months ago. This thing has traumatized us. We both had difficulty processing it.

My parents told him I was dating Nico. The day he came back, he talked to them. He asked questions. And now, D. wanted to know from me, why I even met Nico? Did I call him? Or he me? How did we get there? Well, the stranger I met online... 🤦‍♀️

Daniel: He did it all on purpose! He pretended to be a stranger playing Sims with you. I mean how sick is that?... Did you know it was him? Did you lie to me? Be honest!

Me: No, I swear I didn't know!!! You know the whole story, I showed you everything he texted me. And he didn’t plan on breaking us up. He never meant to see me, he knew I loved you and we were married. He even helped me make up with you. It wasn’t until weeks after you left, that Nico started giving me more and more clues about his true identity. Listen D., he tried to distract me. I was always sad. I was looking for you everywhere with Alex. I was devastated! And I also relapsed, really bad, I fucked up sm. 🤦‍♀️😞

Daniel: You want to divorce me. Everything breaks dwon.... This is worse than the shit my crazy mother did to me. You and me... that wasn’t planned to end this way! It should never end!

Me: I'm so sorry. I don’t want it to end either. That’s why I married you, I love you, but-...... how’s this gonna work?

Daniel: You love him, not me! Otherwise, you’d just stay here. But you decided to divorce me and start a new life with him. So go! Go to him!..... What the fuck are you waiting for?

Me: No, I’m not leaving. I can’t leave you alone now. I’ll stay with you, as long as you need me.

Daniel: Damn, stay away from me!!.... Leave me alone, or I might say something I don’t want.

I couldn’t leave him alone. So I just stood aside somewhere in a corner, looking down, while Daniel left the living room. I touched my belly.  I apologized to my Baby for the hatred I felt for myself at that moment. I was disgusted with myself. I resented myself for constantly repeating the same, damn mistakes. I never wanted to hurt Daniel!! He deserved me to stay with him and live our fucking lives the way it used to be. I have to find a solution!

Half an hour later, I went over to Daniel to look after him. And.....huh? Is Daniel cuddling his old teddy bear??? 🤨😄

Me: Daniel?..You ok?... You... need a huggie? 😳😬

Daniel: Nah, I just don't wanna see you. And why's that old dust catcher here? He also smells like you.

Me: I found him at your house the last time we were there. Your sister said it was yours once. And the other day when I was home, I found him in my closet. I gave him a little makeover. I cleand him and put some of my perfume on him. And yea, he's cute I wanted to keep him.

Daniel: I hate that teddy bear. He disappointed me when I was 7, just like you now. 😒

Me: Um... that's just a toy, Daniel. How can a teddy bear disappoint you? 🤨

Daniel: I got him when I was five. My crazy mother kept locking me in the closet as you know. He was my bud, who was allowed to accompany me. And whenever I was alone in our damn house, I was less afraid, bcs he was there too. But on my 7th birthday I found out who gave me that teddy bear. It was one of those damn witches my mother met at her fucking clut-parties. That woman also told me my teddy bear was not a boy as I thought, it was a girl! She showed me the label. And well, at 7 I could read. The label said, "Susi the bear." I was totally disappointed. He wasn’t my friend anymor, just a fucking traitor! A damn witch, Susi, like one of my mothers odd followers. 😠

Me: Sorry. I didn’t know, I’m gonna put him away. 😞

Daniel: Take it with you! Maybe your soccer player's gonna be happy about it. Kind of like a trophy for him. He’s an athlete, he should like that. 🤷‍♂️

Me: I’ll save your old teddy bear for my Baby. I thought one day, we could give it to our own baby, but if I had only guessed, I would be pregnant by someone else.... I-...agh, Daniel. I'm so sorry. I wish it was.................... otherwise. 😢I could stay with you, but what should I say to Nico? I can’t hurt him, and I don’t want to hurt you either. Really not! But I’ll find a solution. I won’t let you down.

Daniel: I don’t want....your solution. I want my girl to myself. I'm not gonna share you with him. I ain't like Philip, damn it! So just go!

I went out to our roof. I wanted to take Daniel’s laundry off the cloth-line. I wanted to help him and be there for him. But Daniel was annoyed.

Daniel: Hey! Don't you hear?... What are you still doing here?

Me: I wanna be there for you. I’m just helping you.

Daniel: I don’t need you as a cleaning lady or maid! I need my... wife!

Me: I’m not going! This is my home too!

Daniel: Fine! I’ll give you an hour. If you’re still there, I’ll lock the door. Then, you really have to stay here,.... overnight! I won’t unlock the door until tomorrow.🤨

Me: I have a key, you smart guy. 😒

Daniel: Not anymore, know-it-all. 🤨 Besides, I’m stronger than you.

Me: You’re gonna handcuff me?

Daniel: The clock's ticking. One hour! Decide!

Previous/Next

[foxingpeculiar]

Elden Ring/SotE:

So, it's well recognized that there's a late-game difficulty spike in Elden Ring. I can tell you the exact moment that it happens. It's the fucking Draconic Tree Sentinel guy outside Maliketh's boss room.

Castle Sol wasn't that bad. When Niall summoned in his little friends, I was like "oh yeah, THAT's why you suck so hard," but I was able to take the two of them out pretty quickly, and I remember enough about fighting him that I knew to bait the jump and dodge around the follow-up and I got him in three, so okay.

Did Volcano Manor next. Because I did the Red Letter, I could've gone right to Rykard, but I wanted to do the manor properly, so I did--beat the Godskin, finished Rya's quest (did not kill her--she left to go do her own thing in the east). Rykard was pretty easy--a little bit of careful dodging and I got him in one. And then, just for good measure, went and met Patches at the Shaded Castle (I forgot he dies in this one--the only Soulsborne where he does, unless you actively kill him, I think), then went in and fought Elemer of the Briar again and absolutely greased him this time.

So then, I finished Mountaintops of the Giants without too much trouble. The Godskin double fight in the Spiritcaller Cave was a little much, but I told myself "it's fine, I'll come back in a few levels." And nothing else was giving me that much of a headache. The Giant-Conquering Hero's Grave wasn't bad, I got the Rivers of Blood from the NPC invader outside the First Church of Marika, found the invisible bridge to the Heretic's Rise--things were going well.

Then I got to Faram Azula. Which is definitely a little tougher of an area, but still, nothing too egregious. The worst part was that bit where the wounded dragon is spreading lightning everywhere and you have to cross the bridge to get to him without getting pecked to death by the six birds between you on the way. And all that took was some careful sorcery and a little planning. The Crucible Knight in FA is a bitch and a half, but I cheesed him by jumping down to a platform near the site of grace that he couldn't follow to and just zapping him with ranged magic. Finished Alexander's questline (fighting him was embarrassingly easy, the poor fellow) and beat the invader Bernahl. Did basically everything except Placidusax--found stuff I definitely did not find on previous playthroughs. Even the Godskin Duo fight wasn't that bad--summoned Bernahl before i killed him, used a couple of sleep pots, and it only took two tries.

Then I come to that fucking mounted asshole. And he killed me. A lot. After a handful of tries, I finally got him by basically gitting gud and learning to dodge his attacks and pepper him with Night Comet in the spaces in between, maybe hit him with a Transient Moonlight if I was close enough. Stay on the weapon side, keep careful distance, pick your moments. Okay, hard, but doable.

Then I get to Maliketh himself. And hoo boy. He took probably a dozen or so tries? Half the time, I'd get in there and before I could properly even do anything, I'd get stun-locked into a combo and die. Eventually I cottoned on to getting a pillar between me and him before trying to summon the Mimic Tear, which helped. Once that was doable, had no problem getting through the Beast Clergyman phase. But that second phase--he's kind of glass cannon, but DAMN. he's fast, and hits like a fucking truck. The only way I eventually made it through was basically good RNG--the Mimic Tear survived long enough into the second phase that I could pepper him with enough spells to whittle him down to almost nothing before she died. And then I managed to keep enough distance that I could take him the rest of the way, even with his full attention on me. Made it happen, but goddamn.

I can use Rennala's Full Moon now, which is fun. It takes a minute to cast, which is a downside, but regularly is doing over 1K damage when it hits. Part of that is because I finally traded in the Demi-Human Queen Staff for the Carian Royal Scepter (currently at +9), which boosts Moon sorceries, as I understand it. And I just got my first Somber Ancient Dragon Smithing Stone, which means I can take either that or Moonveil to +10 now.

But, jeez-louise. I mean, I'm still doing better than I did last time, but the game has officially stopped fucking around now. So I guess next, a quick stop in Jarburg to finish Jar Bairn and Diallos's quests. I think everybody else is as far as I can take them--finished Varre and Nepheli/Kenneth, and beat the Great Jar's knights. I think that'll take care of all the questlines except Millicent. And Edgar/Irina--I forgot to go back and talk to Edgar after killing the Misbegotten Warrior and now he's not at Castle Morne or on the Bridge by Irinia's corpse, so I think I locked myself out of that one, but whatever. The only downside is, because you get a Shabriri Grape out of that, I don't know if I can finish Hyetta either. (And I'm still one curse shy of getting Dung Eater's Mending Rune, but I'll find it at some point. Also, still have to go meet Goldmask in the Ashen Capital, I suppose, but that shouldn't be too bad.)

And then it's on to the Consecrated Snowfield and the Haligtree. And then Moghwyn Palace and the DLC. And... for the first time in this playthrough, I'm a little nervous, but we'll make it happen.

[tc-doherty]

Author Questionnaire Tag Game

Tagged by @the-letterbox-archives thanks ^__^

About Me

When did you start writing?

I was writing by kindergarten at least, so…1996 or thereabouts. I do still have some writing from this time. I actually decided to be an author when I was 8 so that would be 1999. :)

Are there genres/themes you enjoy reading different to the ones you write?

I mean probably, I love to read and I read widely. Generally though, if I like something I will try to write it as well even if I'm not good at it. The biggest one I can think of would probably be cozy mystery novels, but I am still planning to try and write some of those.

Is there an author you want to emulate, or one to whom you're often compared?

I read a lot of Mercedes Lackey growing up, and I think that people who are familiar with her work might be able to tell from the way that I approach world building and especially magic. It's not really intentional though, it's just because I read so much of her work at a formative age. I'm not really trying to emulate anyone, I'm just being myself.

Of course I also love fairy tales, folktales, and legends so my work is very much inspired by that kind of storytelling. You'll see fairy tale and folktale elements everywhere.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space?

I have a lap desk so that I can make it easier on my arms when I'm writing by hand. I will use that either at my office chair (the height and incline of my desk is not right for me) or while sitting on the couch. Otherwise, because I use dictation, I'm always writing at my desk.

What's your most effective way to muster up some muse?

I just sit down and write. Writing is its own reward to me, so I'm always motivated to do it. I've never had a problem with that kind of thing.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

I shouldn't think so. I never write about the real world, and I never intentionally include references to any real places or people I know.

Are there any recurring themes of your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

My writing is all themes really. There is a running narrative of "home" being the people that you're with, and so finding the "place" you belong by finding the people that you belong with. Also themes of coming to terms with yourself, and moving forward.

There are plenty of themes, aesthetics, and other little Easter eggs that show up in a lot of my work. For instance, I love to write about forests, I love to write about the ocean. I often include gryphons in my work because they're cool! I really like sun/moon imagery, I really like elemental imagery…lots of little things.

My Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favourite character?

I'm legally required to only have one answer, my Main Babe(tm) Ithea! Ithea's got everything. She's elegant, glamorous, and intelligent, she is also very manipulative and loves the power of violence. Her favorite hobby is treason. She uses sex as a weapon. She also uses weapons as weapons. She'll also kill you with her bare hands if you give her the opportunity. She's always smiling. How can you tell if Ithea is lying? Well, is her mouth moving? She loves her partner's kids more than anything in the world, she can, will, and has killed for them. The level of her arrogance is entirely unparalleled. Her goals are completely inscrutable. She lives a dramatic life and dies at 36. What's not to love?

Which of your characters do you think you'd be friends with in real life?

I honestly think I would have difficulty getting along with a lot of my characters. But I could probably hang out with Dante, Gheist, Temitope, and Kadife. I would love to be able to say I could get along with Nelli, and maybe that would be true. She can be a little rigid for my taste though.

Which of your characters would you dislike most if you met them?

Most of them. I love writing about people who cause problems on purpose, and I love writing about people who are very arrogant and manipulative. But in real life I don't like that kind of personality at all. But I also write about a lot of characters that I would personally consider too pathetic and would not be able to deal with.

I'm the kind of person who takes things in stride and continues forward no matter what. I'm extremely even-tempered. People who are too energetic are kind of exhausting for me, and people who are willing to give up annoy me for a different reason. But I'm not really the kind of person that would make a very interesting character, now am I? Hahaha…

Tell me more about the process of coming up with your characters.

I usually start with the sort of relationship that I want to explore, and then I make up what sort of characters need to exist in order for that relationship to logically happen. When it comes to their development I might start thinking with some kind of scene that is the peak idea of…well, the core of their relationship, maybe. From there I can go backwards and forwards to figure out who they were to get there, and what's going to happen because they know each other. But sometimes I just have a very vague idea and I start writing with nothing else. In that case I end up making a lot of characters just to fit the story, because they need to be there.

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

I love writing about women who are ambitious and arrogant and manipulative. I love writing about men who are so soft and sweet. Secondarily, I love to write about women who are practical and down to earth, and I love to write about men who are extremely prickly and emotionally wary. I love writing characters (of either gender) who are way overly dramatic or purposefully annoying.

Also. I mean. Most of them are gay.

How do you picture your characters?

Vaguely. I've talked about it before, I have almost complete aphantasia so picturing things is not really my strong suit. I generally will have a collection of descriptors and traits, and that's why I draw them myself or hire artists to work with. I only picture things in snapshots and even then only with a great deal of effort. I have a lot better idea of how my characters dress than what they look like. I talk about clothing a lot.

My Writing

What's your reason for writing?

I simply love it. There's no other reason.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

I love getting key smashes, and things that are in all caps, and other representatives of people YELLING. But I screenshot every comment that I get and I keep them on my computer because I love them all ^__^

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work?

I don't need to know what they think about me LMAO I write stories that I love, and when other people love them too I'm flattered. But that's the extent of my relationship with most people, if they aren't actually my friends. And people who are my friends will think about me in much different contexts than just as an author, one would hope. If I have to say something though, I do hope that the people reading my work can tell that I was having a good time when I wrote it.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I love writing dialogue, and people often like the dialogue that I write! I know people also often like my characters, and as a character driven author, that is very pleasing to me. I struggle with description because I'm not good at visualizing so it's not very important to me. On a line by line basis I don't think that my writing is particularly beautiful. I'm just not that kind of author. It's difficult to get things out of my writing if you only see one line. But I write about character growth and dialogue, and if you look at my writing in chunks it's exactly what I want it to be.

What have you been frequently told by others is your greatest strength as a writer?

My dialogue and my characters. But one time someone told me that my writing reminded them of The Princess Bride, and I've carried that with me to this day.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I love it! I constantly crack myself up. I know in the grand scheme of things I'm not a particularly funny person, but I think my writing is hilarious. After all, I'm writing for an audience of one (1) person, so if I'm not enjoying it, what's the point?

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

The only thing that will stop me is the cold, hard embrace of the earth. Honestly, even if I knew for a fact that not one of the eight billion people currently on the earth would ever read a single word I had written, I would still do it. I'm not here for them.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? if it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

I write purely for myself.

Tagging @did-i-do-this-write @thegoddesswater @mrmissmrsrandom @outpost51 @bloodlessheirbyjacques

@magefaery @italiangothicwriteblr @tryingtimi

Honestly, I wouldn't mind seeing everyone do it hehe

[radfae]

Many women, I think, resist feminism because it is an agony to be fully conscious of the brutal misogyny which permeates culture, society, and all personal relationships. It is as if our oppression were cast in lava eons ago and now it is granite, and each individual woman is buried inside the stone. Women try to survive inside the stone, buried in it. Women say, I like this stone, its weight is not too heavy for me. Women defend the stone by saying that it protects them from rain and wind and fire. Women say, all I have ever known is this stone, what is there without it? For some women, being buried in the stone is unbearable. They want to move freely. They exert all their strength to claw away at the hard rock that encases them. They rip their fingernails, bruise their fists, tear the skin on their hands until it is raw and bleeding. They rip their lips open on the rock, and break their teeth, and choke on the granite as it crumbles into their mouths. Many women die in this desperate, solitary battle against the stone.

andrea dworkin, our blood your decision is understandable. being a radfem is hard. ignorance is bliss, isn't it? from what you've sent, it sounds like you're just sick of the difficulties that come from being aware of the shit way that society treats us. it's everywhere, and you can't unlearn it. you can't stop being angry at all the injustice. all you can do is attempt to turn a blind eye, but we both know that that does more harm than good.

it's also important to remember that being gender critical is not synonymous with being conservative or anywhere on the right. a man-hating, pro-choice feminist is not a tool of the altright. quite the opposite, actually. just because some popular conservative men are known for being gender critical doesn't mean that we're the same.

it's also easy to be sympathetic toward trans people, even as a radfem; not everyone is, but i know i am. a lot of my close friends are trans-identified, and i'm even somewhat friendly toward TiMs (sometimes). and a lot of them truly do have good intentions, and are simply dysphoric people who don't know how else to cope. recognizing this and giving them patience and kindness doesn't mean that you have to de-radicalize yourself out of being a feminist.

and don't forget all of the community you've found. it's hard to be rejected for your beliefs, but the bond made between other women who get it and aren't afraid to talk about it is pretty much unbreakable. radical feminism completely changed the way i view myself and my body. it probably saved me from an eating disorder and damaging my body with binding, if i'm being completely honest. it's hard to be a feminist, yes, but it's hard to be a woman. and so many good things come out of recognizing your worth and allying yourself with other women.

i can't control what you decide to do, but you shouldn't allow yourself to be brainwashed out of your beliefs. i hope you find some peace of mind soon. you don't constantly have to be an activist and speaking out 24/7 to be a feminist, either. we're people, we need breaks. our minds aren't meant to be under constant stress. hope you see this message, i wish you only the best <3

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

hello hello hello Jalebi! And I’m sorry it was really weird of me to not say hello in my previous ask :((

In context with the same (ask), I really loved that you pointed out all the scenes with the song, and how it impacted the whole story build up. Yk, Before watching ipkknd, I went through a whole phase of watching the ‘realistic’ romance movies in Hollywood. The ones that make the viewers relate with the protagonists, because we’ve all been heartbroken in some point of our lives, and that all romances do not end up in happily ever afters. The before trilogy, 500 days of summer, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, normal people and many more. My perspective on love and romance changed completely over the past 2-3 years, and it kind of was good because I got familiar with the real picture. (I grew up watching bollywood films and read wattpad as a teenager, which was obviously, really like a strawberry-duniya) But now, I’m finding myself again going back to my childhood dreams and fantasies, like love is ‘meant to be’, or ‘true romance is aided by the divine’, ‘the red string theory’ and something of that sort. I’m scared that this might end up making me feel that ‘realistic love’ is inadequate. I have fallen in love with the way romance and love has been portrayed in ipkknd, and I don’t think i am getting over it anytime soon.

Hello hello,

Omgh Anon please don't worry - I wasn't in the best mood either!

Ok, time for Jalebi to crack her knuckles and give a drop of two of reality sweetness and advice.

Romance is really about the way you feel. The way you imagine it to be. There's nothing ever right or wrong about the way romance works because there's no one way to define this notion of romance.

You see the best way to understand this is to really understand the way IPK showed how Arnav and Khushi experienced romance.

For Khushi always believed in what films and books sold her - she believed romance to be flowers, stars, seeing the person everywhere and so on and so forth. Thus when she fell for Arnav, she literally felt all this because this is how she was conditioned and believed romance would be.

Arnav, pragmatic in nature, truly never believed in the commercialized version of romance. What he did believe in was care being romance. He did NOT believe in Anjali's definition of romance. What he did believe is what he saw between Anjali and Shyam. The fact that his sister, so deep in love, cannot function if her beloved is in danger. She has a strong physiological response to Shyam. And Arnav does believe Anjali loves Shyam and vice versa. He does not believe love making the heart go fast, but he is aware of how an extreme emotion can affect the body. So the night he understands love (which he has been questioning for some time now) he realizes his care for Khushi was exaggerated, he collapsed at the thought of her harm and his extreme physiological reaction - racing heartbeats to restlessness - it's all due to and for Khushi, leaves him in a sombre realization.

The point here being you can never point out which version of romance is more accurate cause even if fiction, people feel love differently even for the most basic things.

If you are a romantic at heart and now believe larger than life things - from fate to God - play a role at romance, then even the most realistic thing like the person you like dabbing away your snotty nose during a cold will feel like the MOST romantic thing in the planet. You will see fate in this, you will feel the violins.

But if you're a realist at heart, then even at the most GRAND entry of your crush - helicopter and all - you will see the smallest things that matter to you. Such a small smile your hero throws your way before he goes for his day.

What we must understand though is that situations don't lead to love. Your feels and circumstances are two very separate things. I, at one point, used to believe that "Oh I'd get great love only if I go through the intense difficulty and push pull and fight with destiny"

Now that is a problem because a lot of the circumstances in IPKKND are best left to fiction. If realistic love doesn't appeal to you on screen - totally makes sense, heck I'm always down for grander schemes of love ON screen.

But in real life, it's really the realistic love that leaves you with the joy the grander shows love. It's the green flags, the safety, security and just goodness of it all that's really appealing.

Trust me when I say this, an honest intelligent conversation has had my heart racing faster than being backed into a wall 'a la Khushi'.

And the human mind is such, it can frame events into your head based on your definition of romance.

If I'm a hardcore romantic, then I will find divinity in reality and if I'm a realistic I will find realism in divinity. Because when I'm liking someone, I'm trying to find WHAT appeals to me.

And one really important thing to realize is that fate does NOT dictate one to be in your life when they're causing you grief. IPKKND is written as a romance that was not meant to have happened.

If you get an ASR - run. If you get a Khushi - run as well. One is too egoistic and the other is too idealistic.

Also realism does not mean passionless or things not being fated. It just shows you multiple other perspectives can happen. Yes, there's a certain escapism in these fantasy stories, but I also believe remarkable things can happen to absolutely ordinary people as well.

And you don't have to get over IPKKND at all - enjoy the vibes, enjoy the feels. Don't idealize the situations that Arnav and Khushi faced to get to love, but definitely idealize the power in their love.

Love's power is universal.

Love love love,

Jalebi

P.S: Talking about realism, it is interesting to note that the second time Khushi actually falls for Arnav (not infatuation) is when the littlest things happen.

A box of bangles cause her previous one broke, assisting her in serving the guests cause the waiters ditched on her, or simply telling her that the saree she chose first was the better one.

Nothing remarkable at ALL and this is as realistic as love gets, and as beautiful too.

The grand gestures of dance, kiss and mehendi's 'A' make her uncomfortable. His soft smile and showing up, personally, to her house in the morning is what touches her.

[greentrickster]

Okay y'all, listen up, because this evening I went on an Odysseus-style odyssey, in that what was meant to be a quick jaunt with minimal difficulties turned into a multi-hour trip where I was thwarted every step of the way.

As all good disasters do, it started off well enough. My mom informed me that a local, extremely large booksale is on today and I decided to go, because yay, books!

Then my dad, who was in the same room at the time, generously pulled out his wallet, handed me some cash, and told me to go buy myself a book! So even better, free book(s) and no requirement to return the change! Jackpot! I drive to the booksale in high spirits! Arrive! Enter the building!

...

What the heck, why are there so few tables?! What has happened to this booksale, it's in an area the size of a full-sized basketball court and usually it's full of tables covered in books! There's maybe an eighth of that! It doesn't even have a sci-fi/fantasy section. It's, quite possibly, the most tragic I've ever seen this booksale look, and I'm unable to find anything to my taste there.

However, like Odysseus before me, I don't assume failure at the first hurdle - I was told to buy myself a book, but I was never told where I had to buy it! To the local bargain outlet, which has all sorts of delights to offer, including books, and I've found some good ones there before! Not tonight, apparently, but, like. It's happened.

So that's... less than fun.

Also, I'm starving at this point, because I left at five-ish and haven't had supper yet. So, since this place sells food, I grab a box of soft strawberry granola bars for $2, because my money tonight is for literature, not sustenance, and I'm not out yet! There's still Barnes & Noble, the local mega-chain bookstore, which I have mixed feelings about! But it's my last option at this point and, hey, graphic novels! Manga! All sorts of exciting new releases! I was just there a week or two ago and even wrote some titles down while I was there!

My friends, I walked all over that store and perused books for two hours, and I found nothing that sparked enough joy to accompany me home. I did find a couple with minor potential, and one that gave me heart palpitations and made me regret the choices that had led to this point in my life, but nothing I felt the desire to own, you know?

My feet hurt, because I wore the cheap sandals that are only good for short expeditions. It was late. I wanted to go home and get a mom hug to help with the trauma that came with the heart palpitations.

But I had no book.

I had not fulfilled my mission.

A state of events that was simply unacceptable.

Unfortunately, as I mentioned, it was also about eight at night and everywhere around me other than a few grocery stores tend to start rolling up the carpets within an hour or two. So, in an act that would make Odysseus proud, I rearranged my strategy! I would use the cash to buy the Christmas gift I've been meaning to get for my dad (I get my holiday shopping done early), then go home and buy a couple books I'd been eyeing on Amazon!

Books would be purchased!

Triumph would be had!

I got home and discovered, as Odysseus did, that not all was the pleasant peace I had left it in! Except instead of a bunch of entitled suitors trying to marry my wife and steal my throne, the internet had gone down five minutes before I opened the door.

I chose to do the mature thing in order to gain Athena's favour by screaming into a pillow. About twenty minutes later, the internet turned back on! Success!

I discover Amazon has upped the amount you need to spend to get free shipping from $25 to $35 as of September 8th, because they are an evil mega-corporation and not my friend! Rage!

However, still rich with Athena's blessing, and in dire need to prove that if Odysseus can do this then so can I, I made one last-ditch effort... and went and asked to use my parents' Prime account to get free shipping for my order.

And thus my books were finally ordered, and, like Odysseus, I am at last triumphant, but boy golly, that was 90% more effort than it needed to be, what the heck, what sort of sick, dystopian future am I living in that I finally have my own money to get books but can't guarantee the bookstore will have anything I want to buy?!?

[cynophagia]

hey lol so like if u were wondering what happened to me....

i got absolutely fucked over by my landlord after a year+ of living in incredibly unsafe conditions but being unable to afford anything else and trying to stick it thru for my job and my partner. most of my time renting this place i squatted next door in my partner's super fucking tiny bedroom. between the stress of 40-50hr work weeks in a veterinary ER with my crazy erratic schedule (and only being paid 12/hr), getting sick all the time due to mold, tension with my roommate, heavy dietary restriction, developing seriously unhealthy relationships with substances, being on/off my meds due to difficulty with access, and ultimately having to defer out of my dream continuing education program because my living situation was too unsafe for my partner dog to live with me, i was finally like omg fuck this i can't do it any more.

in november i broke my lease, had to leave my clinic, and i dipped. while trying to find a new apartment, i have been living out of my car, my partners car, and motels, all while trying to help support my partner who's been in and out of hospitals due to issues with his own health catalyzed by my previous living situation.

after breaking my lease, landing places to stay had been cartoonishly difficult including a homophobic attack driving us out of one unit in the middle of the night with the maintenance guy as a bodyguard (and if ur of a mind I have video proof of the incident lol) and my car being jacked. mid december the stress + genetic predisposition culminated in experiencing a 3 day long psychotic episode, my first time experiencing that kind of crisis in myself (although in hindsight probably a long time coming as my behavior had grown increasingly erratic over the past ~2 months), and i was incredibly lucky to have my partner whose got a lot of personal experience to support me otherwise i would have been entirely helpless and probably ivc'd.

thanks to the help of his family who have been incredibly gracious to us we finally have an apartment and had a safe place to crash over the holidays. we aren't moved into the apartment yet but finally have the keys and are working on the logistics of getting all my stuff back together and all his transported. otherwise just trying to survive and figure it out one day at a time. i'm by no means stable enough to return to my field of work though.

that's the most bare bones summary i could get down and it's still multiple paragraphs lol.

i've been reaching out to everywhere i can think of for help and taking advantage of what resources i can in the aftermath. i know all my mutuals are going thru it but if anyone has the desire and the means to help out any and all support is deeply deeply deeply appreciated. $pudelhund if you're of a mind :')

[whaledenwtf]

Kratos x Reader - The Storm

Hi lovelies!! I haven’t been on Tumblr for YEARS at this point and was scouring the internet for some yummy Kratos x Reader fanfiction and decided there wasn’t enough. 

Sadly I myself never played any of the games, though I really want to. This story may not be exactly lore accurate, but it is a oneshot so there may not be too much lore building necessary. I will hyperlink some things so you can do research on some stuff if you wish to write fanfics as well- such as where I researched certain stuff, etc.

Just a warning for those die-hard fans incase you expected a whole lot of world-building and many characters to be present in this story.

Warnings: f!reader and Male Smut, Size Difference, Breeding Kink, Creampie, Choking, Dom/Sub dynamic, Oral (Male and Female Receiving), Fighting, Blood, etc. Porn with Plot, basically 

WORD COUNT: 4300 +

Hope you enjoy this story and my comeback!! ~

Walking through the storm was not without difficulty. The blizzard made it difficult to see, let alone seeing with your face fully covered. Your eyelashes, usually as dark as the midnight sky were coated with layers of ice, snowflakes and tears as your eyes continuously water. 

What feels like a week long journey through the mountains, was really only a four hour journey. Your arms felt heavy, your legs stiff with the cold, and your nose was so runny it might as well have been a waterfall! You decide that camping was the only way to survive, so you begin to create a wall of snow to protect your tent. 

---

Camp was set, and you were eternally grateful for your ability to rest and breathe some air without that damn mask for protection. Every exhale created a cloud of steam, even near the warmth of your makeshift hearth. The cured meats and boiled snow were heating up, and you were excited to just rest. 

As if to taunt you, you begin to hear the sounds of loud exhales, and a growl. You tense up. Your weapon, an intricately patterned sword, is gripped tightly in your hand, pulsating with power. The shuffling continues to get closer.

"Why are we still walking, father?" You are shocked to hear a boy's voice. Your grip on the hilt of the sword relaxes, before you tense up again.

"We must continue our journey onward, Atreus." The timber of the voice is deep and rich, and affected you in a way, though you would deny it out loud. ‘I am clearly shivering because of the cold’ you told yourself mentally.

"Isn't it too dangerous to continue during such a storm?" Atreus responds. The voices get closer, and the security you originally felt disappeared.

"Obstacles find themselves everywhere, boy." His deep voice responds. The shivers that affected you once again was **definitely** because of the cold.

"Brother, he's right. Travelling in this weather will make you fall ill, and you will not be able to continue your journey safely. Create camp and rest." A third voice spoke up. The deep voiced man responds, a 'hmm' that vibrated the air around you.

"Hey father. Look here... it looks like... a snow bank!" Their voices are still muffled, but you can tell they are about to find you in your tent. Their footsteps get closer, the crunch crunch crunch undeniable. The man hums again.

"This is man made." Atreus speaks up. Your time is up, you think to yourself. You look over at your meal, seeing it still boiling and you sigh, getting ready to walk out of the tent. Your hand is gripping your sword so tightly the leather squeaks and your knuckles are as white as the snow outside.

Stepping out of the tent, you see two men, analyzing the snowbank you created to protect you from the cold.

"This is a campsite. Please leave or I will be forced to fight." Is what you wanted to say. Instead you stay mute, seeing the two men, well, man and boy struck fear into your heart. Instead, you just point your sword at them, eyebrows furrowed. The boy, Atreus you remind yourself, had his bow pointed directly at you, line taught with pressure ready to shoot an arrow. The man, well, he was massive. His head was at least two heads above yours. He must've been 7 feet tall- at least! The contrast of his pale skin and blood red tattoo was night and day. His eyes were golden and his beard was dark and rich. As your eyes travel downwards you can see his muscles were bulking, as though his muscles grew muscles.

"Who are you?" You ask them, sword pointing at them.

"A-" The young boy starts, but is cut off by the other man. As he begins to speak, a loud resounding rumble cuts them both off. The ground starts to shake, and in the storm, the shadow of multiple figures starts to get closer. You squint your eyes before they widen.

"Shit!" You look down at your warm and inviting tent and furrow your brows. Looking up, you see both the boy and the man have began running towards the group of draugr. They always say curiosity killed the cat, but you still ran towards them, sword at the ready and a grin on your face. You always loved a good fight.

Gripping your sword, and pulling out your dagger, you feel a sense of calm come over you when you get to the scene. Atreus is shooting some of them down. The big man is swinging left and right, taking down 2 draugrs with each swing.

Exhaling loudly, you scream as you charge, stabbing through the draugr with your sword. When a draugr would come to close to the man or the boy, you would throw your throwing knife, hitting them in the skull before recalling it. By the time you were done, the draugr who had died first were already covered in a light layer of snow. You look up at both the man and the boy before your eyes widen.

"Boy-" The draugr came out of nowhere, stabbing the young boy in the arm holding the bow. He yells out in pain, dropping his bow to the ground.

"ATREUS-" The man screams, and you see a fear in his eyes. You both run towards them, stomping on the draugr so hard it's head bashes in, and it falls lifeless. You look at his arm and see that there is blood everywhere, and the cut is deep. The snow around him become crimson red. The man holds his son, kneeling in the snow to cradle his head. You look towards them both.

"I have healing supplies in my camp. Let's go-" you begin to walk, picking up the boy's bow. You look back and see the man watching you, sizing you up.

"If you don't want Atreus to lose his arm I suggest you come quickly." The man gets up, holding his son to his chest, worried. The boy's breaths are short, eyes squeezed shut in pain as he groans.

--

Making it back to base, you begin to open your small bag which holds your herbs and healing salves. You take a cloth and begin to wipe his arm, seeing that the cut was not too large, but certainly worrisome. You begin to pull out small containers of salves and herbs. Putting the cream on your hands, you begin muttering a spell, rubbing it into the affected area. His arm begins to glow, and Atreus' face calms down, and his breathing slows as though he is asleep.

"What is that?" The man mutters, worried.

"A salve made from Opium Poppies. It numbs the area before I work so he can stop shifting around in pain. The spell was so he could sleep soundly. I will work quickly so hopefully he does not scar and get infected." The man grunts, and you accept it. Wiping your hands, you pull out another salve and rub it into the skin, muttering gently.

"This is to fight off infection. It is a Yarrow salve." You tell him gently, though he did not ask. You can tell he is grateful with you vocalizing the process of healing his partner. The boy must be his son you realize. You pull up your sleeve and begin to hold the boy's arm tightly. The salves are clogging the blood so he does not bleed out, and your hand begins to glow. Your voice is soft when you mutter, he notices. Seeing you work quickly to heal his son has soothed his worries. He looks outside to see the storm has eased up. Enough for him to start looking to set up camp, or continue his journey. He turns around to see Atreus asleep, and your hand coming off his arm to reveal the skin glowing; the cut was closed and there was no scar.

"If you'd like you can both camp with me tonight. Of course, we may not all fit in my tent but-" you begin to speak but he grunts.

"We shall see if we can continue the travel."

"Brother, don't you think Atreus should rest and heal?" The third voice from outside speaks up. Shifting your eyes from the tall man to his waist, you see a beheaded head speaking. Your eyes widen. The man grunts in response to the head.

"If you'd like, I can help you set up another tent. I can also set up a magic barrier-" You walk closer, and you lay a hand on the man's forearm, which is wrapped in bandages. His eyes snap to yours, and you reply softly-

 "Let me help you." The man looks deep into your eyes for a moment and nods. You both leave Atreus with the head so you can build another tent right next to yours.

---

The tent was set up with extra cloth you had laying around and the barrier was placed. The man followed you back to your tent, watching you as he crouched next to his son. 

“Y/N.” You say after a long silence, stirring the pot and adding more herbs. His eyes snap to you, gold like a ray of sunshine, but more so like melted gold. “That is my name.” You reply, glancing at him while nibbling on your lip. You are worried. Your name, while not well known, is one you did not wish to share too often, but you felt as though you could trust him. 

“Kratos.” He replies gruffly. His name, just like himself, is foreign and unfamiliar. 

“That is Atreus and I am Mimir-” The head speaks up, before Kratos cuts it off. “Head!” The head wisely shuts up. You smile softly, looking back at your stew. 

“I did not make much, but we should wake the boy so he can eat. He will be knocked out for a couple hours because of the numbing salve.” Kratos nods, nudging his son awake before helping him eat.

---

The sun, or what could shine through the heavy storm clouds was gone. Atreus and Mimir were in the other tent, resting and healing. Kratos was inside your tent, sharpening his weapons so that he would not wake his son. 

“Thank you.” He muttered, almost unintelligible over the sound of his metal being sharpened. 

You nod, packing up the salves and going to sit near him. Your thighs touched for a moment before you scooted away, embarrassed. His heat was overwhelming, and you were convinced that if you snuffed out the hearth his heat would still keep you as warm as a summer day. You remove one of your layers, exposing your arms. From the corner of your eye, you could see he was looking at your form. 

“I noticed you had bandages on your forearms. If there are scars you would like for me to remove I can-” His grunt was loud, and it sounded upset. 

“They are not something that can be healed.” He muttered quietly, poking a stick into the fire and watched the sparks fly up from the embers. You hum softly, looking at his forearms. The bandages, aged and dirty, are wrapped tightly. 

“It seems as though these scars are not just physical. If it troubles you, I can listen.” You tell him, nudging closer to his warmth, your eyes watching the flames lick the logs of wood you put down. He turns to you, eyebrows furrowed. The next grunt sounds distrustful. You shrug at him, eyes still facing forward.

“If I have to be stuck with another person during this storm, I would at least like to know about them.” You say, annoyed at his lack of trust. You turn your head to look at him, and he looks troubled. His eyes, like gold mirrors reflecting the flames of the hearth, are stormy and guarded. As if on instinct, your hand inches closer to his cheek. Before you could feel the skin of his face, his hand grabs your wrist, loosely holding it in warning. You raise an eyebrow.

“Something must have happened for you to feel such uncertainty towards others.” You whisper to him. He turns his head, looking towards the entrance of the tent with his eyes screwed shut. You exhale, tugging your hand away from his grip. He gets up, and turns back to you.

“I will check on Atreus.” You hum, turning away from his eyes as you blush, embarrassed at your actions.

---

It is a couple hours later, and Kratos come back to your tent to see you partially undressed. Your outer layers have been removed, leaving you in your bandages and under layers. You turn to look at him, eyes wide.  “Oh-” You pull an animal hide to you, to cover yourself for decency. He turns his body, grunting in apology. Scrambling to at least put on a longer linen top, your body is covered enough to be considered decent. As Kratos heard you dress, he closed his eyes. An image of your almost naked body is painted on his eyelids, and he is bothered. On the one hand, you are beautiful and seem to be trustworthy (and you trust him, which is rare). On the other hand, his heart still feels as though it has not healed from Faye’s passing and all the betrayals he faced in his long life.

You harrumph, getting his attention. He turns, and his eyes are glued your exposed thighs. Though they are littered in minor scratches and scars, they are softer than he expected; pillowy and large but he could tell they are still muscular and full of hidden strength. His eyes roam upwards, and he is able to admire your body for the first time. 

You were curvy, but full of power. Your muscles were not overwhelming, but you were healthy. The curve of your stomach showed through the linen top, but it was not extreme- just womanly. The curve of your bosom was larger than he expected, and from his angle, he could see the cleavage of your breasts at the neckline of the top. His eyes, adventuring onward in appreciating you, reached your face. He has not seen someone with your looks yet across Midgard. Your eyes, a beautiful (E/C), held much more emotion and wisdom than others across the realm. Your cheeks, flushed from his watchful eyes and their trek across your form, continue to glow a deep shade of crimson.

“Would you like to rest in my tent tonight, Kratos?” His name sounded beautiful from your lips. For a moment, he felt a weight being lifted from his shoulders, and was reminded of a simpler time. When he was young in Sparta, and he would watch the women pass as he was training. It is almost a moment too long before he responds with a hum, that was soft. You prepare some linens and animal hides on the ground, trying to make a soft surface large enough for the herculean man.

Once he sits on his makeshift bed, you get ready to rest before he grabs your wrist lightly. He pulls you softly to sit near him. You stay quiet, watching him patiently. He slowly begins to remove all his armor until he was just in his pants and forearm bandages. Slowly, he unravels them and you see scarred damaged skin, welts and dips in the forms of chains. 

“There is no healing these scars... These are what killed my family.” You begin to understand. On your knees, you shuffle closer to him, still having to look up at his eyes. You grab both forearms, and inspect them closer. He turns away from your form, looking far left to the side of the tent. He only turns, startled, when he feels your soft breath on his arms.

“Your past, no matter how dark, has made you who you are today-” You begin to pepper soft kisses onto his arms. “-And who you are today is an incredible fighter-” you continue to kiss his scars. “- Intelligent man with the will to do what he pleases-” your kisses start to go closer to the creases of his elbow. “-And a damned good father.” Your kisses have now reached his neck, and still, you pepper him with gentle kisses. So gentle, he thinks it is just the breeze from the storm going into the tent. You stop your kisses while putting his arms down, taking the side of his neck to look deep into his eyes while biting your lip. 

His eyes, unsure, look at your lips. Enticed by the teeth that are currently biting the soft flesh, causing the perfect skin to redden. “What do you want Kratos? What do you desire?” He looks into your eyes, before bringing your face to his, urgently. Your lips, in a rush to connect, smash against each other. Your teeth clash into each other through the skin, but still you continue to kiss. Once you part, you are panting at him. Kratos’ chest barely moves, and without a beat he pulls you back, groaning. You moan into his mouth, lips open. Your tongues fight, and when you move away to catch your breath, you are connected by saliva. Not a moment passes before his large hands rip open your linen top. Your full bosom falls out, gravity pulling them down slightly. You blush, covering your nipples and lower portion with your hands. 

“You do not need to hide from me, όμορφο κορίτσι (beautiful girl).” His voice was so deep, you felt a rush of wetness leak from between your legs. You could see his nostrils twitch before he grinned. Your arms go down from your body, and you spread your legs, presenting yourself to him. He noticed the bandages in your nether regions were drenched, and your wetness had reached the crevice of your thighs. His hands went south, trailing over all the dimples, wrinkles and folds of your skin until he reached the bandages, which he also ripped. Your gasps excited him, as though he was hunting and you were the prey. 

“Bend over, μέλι (honey).” You moan, playing with your nipple before bending over, arching your back so you can offer yourself to the god, your god. 

“Είσαι τόσο όμορφος. Ανυπομονώ να σε φάω.(You’re so beautiful. I can’t wait to eat you).” You realize he is not speaking a language you can fully comprehend. You feel a thick digit touch your sensitive part. You were essentially caterwauling at his attentiveness to your cunt, moaning and shrieking when his digits circled your bundle of nerves. Not a second later he intrudes into your inner sanctums, and his tongue behind to poke and prod at your clit.

The moan you let out is absolutely whore-ish. You swore on the lives of everyone you had ever met that you had never felt a pleasure such as this. His tongue was skilled, tracing patterns of runes. "ᛖᚨᛏ" (eat). You can tell he is enjoying himself, licking his fingers as they leave and reenter your tight cavern. His nose, ever so lightly continues to bump into your other hole, puckering at every nudge he does.

He pulls his fingers out and backs away, making you cry out. Your release was close, so without his fingers and his rough tongue, you were getting antsy. You grind nothing, cold air freezing your lower lips and thighs. You turn around, growling. You see Kratos undoing all his clothes. He is as naked as the day he was born. Pale, scarred and certainly buff, he was handsome and arousing to look at. As your eyes travel downwards, you see his member. Even at half mast he is easily over 10 inches, and you would even argue 13. The tip was ruddy, leaking pre-cum all over the rest of his length. You push him down, hard. Getting ready. He looks at you with a glint in his eye.

"Who said you could take control of me?" You look him in the eye, defiant.

"I will take your monster cock into my mouth, and as you are on the precipice of emptying your godly seed into me I will remove myself. We'll see how you will feel-" You cut yourself off when you took him into your mouth, trying to swallow around him as much as possible. His groan is loud, and his hand grips your hair, holding you and following your movements as you begin to bob your head.

As you continue to gasp around his member, his groans grow louder. The satisfaction in hearing his sounds was greater than the act itself, and you felt your cunt leak in excitement. Your hands continue to thrust, tugging on the many inches that could not fit in your mouth. You slowly still your movements. As his hand loosens in your hair, you get off him, sitting on your haunches and watching his reaction. His golden eyes are pitch black, as his pupils have dilated and left nothing but a small rim of gold. He grabs your body and pulls you onto him. In his seated position on the floor, he sits you onto his thighs and looks at your face. 

“Τόση ομορφιά. Ανυπομονώ να σε καταστρέψω.“ (Such beauty. I cannot wait to ruin you.) You gasp as he holds himself in his hand, rubbing the leaking tip onto your cunnie. He rubs your pearl and you moan loudly. One of his hands that is gripping your hip goes to your neck, cupping the back of it softly. He pulls you into a kiss before pushing your body slowly onto his length. The stretch is delicious, and you feel so full your body flushes with heat. You hiss into his mouth, as his tip presses against your cervix, filling you to the brim. Breaking from the kiss, you look down and see that you can see the outline of him inside you. It is very slight, but is perceivable enough. He pulls you up before lowering you back onto his thighs and the slapping sound the movement makes fills the tent. 

The hand on the back of your neck wraps around the front, as he softly chokes you and begins to thrust up into your warmth. Your nipples harden and tears roll down your face as you submit yourself to him. He takes your body and pleases you. His lips and teeth nip at your nipples, lathering them in his saliva. The cold wind would occasionally flow through the entrance, and the cold would make pleasurable tingles from the peaks of your breasts. 

Your moans continue to grow in volume and in frequency. Kratos removes his hand from your neck and stuffs your mouth with his thick digits. He pulls you chest to chest from your mouth and begins to whisper in your ear.

“We mustn't wake them up.” You begin to feel your orgasm build from the friction of your clit on his small patch of hair above his member. You moan into his digits, licking around them and looking into his eyes. Your eyes water from the over stimulation. He groans as your eyes connect, and goes to whisper in your ear.

“I can’t wait to fill you with my seed, πόρνη μου (my little whore).” You close your eyes and tears fall down your face, grinding down harder onto him so he would fulfil his promise. 

He pulls his hand from your mouth and connects the both of you by the lips. Your tongues clash strongly, and his hand goes to your hip, slapping your ass before gripping it. You moan into his mouth and he swallows the sound. You both continue to rut against each other with energy, feeling his thick member hit every part inside of you. You have become so wet that the stickiness is all over his thighs too, making the slapping noises louder. The hand that left your mouth moved from its place on your ass, and you feel something prod at your back entrance. 

Your eyes open wide and you’re surprised to see his eyes looking at you intently. A finger begins to breach the entrance and wiggle in your puckered hole. Between his fat cock and thick digit you had never felt so full your life. One particular thrust sent you spiraling, as you had grinded him roughly and your pearl got the attention it was begging for. You squeeze his member tightly, and he splits from your lips and groans, filling you with his seed. He pulls his digit from your rear and slaps your ass before tugging you up and down over him, ensuring that all his seed would stay inside you. After a dozen more thrusts, he keeps you on his cock, looking you in the eyes. 

“Τόσο όμορφο (so beautiful).” He whispers, clearing your face from your tears, sweat, spit and hair. You hold his head in your hands and kiss his forehead. You pull yourself off him and you see some of his seed leak out of you. You scoop it up and lick it up while looking him in the eyes.

“Watch yourself Μικρό κορίτσι (little girl). You’ll excite me again.” You wink at him and seat yourself back on his thick thighs.

“Who said I don’t want that?” He pulls you back into a kiss, getting excited at the prospect of more.

---

Bonus:

THE NEXT MORNING

“Brother, why are we packing up (Y/N)’s camp?” Mimir asks, confused from his place on Kratos’ hip.

“She will travel with us. A healer who’s proficient in battle would be only beneficial.” Mimir hums.

“I’m sure that’s all she’s proficient in, aye brother?” Mimir teases him. 

“Head!” 

“What does he mean from that, father?” Kratos sighs while Mimir chuckles. 

-----

[kkolg]

hello, I love what you're doing with your AU. as someone who is making an AU myself, do you take somethings from "canon" and put them in? if so how do you decide how to put things into the story of Vigilante

GAHHH IM LOVING THESE QUESTIONS!! Fangirling aside, it really depends what direction and plot you’re taking with your AU. Time period, location, and main plot all are big factors here, along with how polished you plan the story to be.

Let me do some comparisons with my two AUs

Vigilante: I did want to keep main aspects of the game in there, but sometimes plot can get in the way of that so you really have to get creative. I won’t spoil anything but I did have to do this with a few main plot points in the game. Tom being Boris in this AU is one example: two Boris’s that look exactly alike would be very difficult to explain in the context of this AU, the only way I could see this working is having them be twins which is it’s own can of worms. There are a few other examples but again no spoilers. This is specifically a BATIM AU due to the difficulties BATDR provides for the AU, plus this AU was also made way before BATDR was released and I already had my main plot points done. I was lucky with the time period because early BATIM did happen in the 1920’s, tbh this is one of those moments where I bullshit the story and say “well in this world-“ mostly referencing the animation era and just moving it to take place in an earlier time. I don’t like to do this too much because I do try to be as accurate as possible, but in the end of the day it’s my story and I can do whatever I want😜. I also got luck with the setting too, correct me if I’m wrong but the cannon studio is in either New York or Brooklyn but at the time I actually didn’t know that so… Lucky me lol. I decided to make Henry’s backstory actually relating to the main plot of the game, he goes back to the studio except this time he’s trying to find Bendy. If you didn’t know, Henry also leaves the studio in this AU. I won’t spoil any more of this because I want to expand on the little man more in the future but that’s what I got.

The Void AU:

This AU was made 6 years ago, it is quite old- This AU was probably my first intro into story making so it’s very messy. What I mean by that? The plot is everywhere, many characters are flat or have no real goals or morals, Bendy was honestly the worst guy ever he was such an asshole (not in the cute way) and was the most toxic mf alive, the amount of Warriors references that are there is honestly exhausting and basically turns this whole “original story/AU” into more of an elaborate Warrior Cats fanfic, the many villains that popped up were super flat and boring along with every protag too, and finally this take place in a forest/plain/camp place and tbh I don’t even know what the setting is.

With that being said…

What I was talking about there was the “original” version of the AU, call it “Random Mess 1.0” if you will, since then I’ve changed many things about it since it’s original creation. Keep in mind, the Void AU you see is only one of the arcs in this full AU and it’s basically the last one, so many of you don’t know a lot of the whole world that’s in the back of my brain. I will tell you the changes I’ve made for the characters and story you do know: I made Bendy much more likable protagonist with goals that are much more expressed, I polished the plot a lot more than it was before, I made a few things more original and deleted a lot of the Warriors references (so many…), I gave many of the characters more expressive personalities which the reader would be able to recognize, I fixed the designs to match the fluffs personalities much more and to help make them more expressive. NOW BACK ON TRACK, I honestly didn’t have any of the cannon events in the game really happen in this AU, the only thing really relating to the actual games is the alt. designs (demon/spirit forms probably the only OG thing I created that was pretty cool, this concept is also featured in the Vigilante AU) I’ll show them here at some point but that aside, this was just a goofy, silly, story that I made just for fun so I really didn’t care how the story went. The Void AU you all see is probably the most polished part of the story and because of that it’s able to be cut off and stand alone as it’s own thing.

Ok, I probably went off track many times and started rambling so my bad, BUT this is sorta how I see it: Depending on the plot you can add and cut out things as you please, this also applies to the quality of the story you want to tell.