#I like simply can’t comprehend how much it changed my life

[kacievvbbbb]

So the thing is with Shinsou and his place in the ErasMic family he is so middle child coded to me. Like he just has so much middle child energy it’s insane.

Like my two most favorite ErasMic fics; Wards of AU by FeckedSpectrum (one of the all time pieces of literature I have read truly) and A Heart Grows Fonder by Laroyena both have Shinsou playing the youger sibling to Mirio and Shigaraki respectively and that’s when it clicked for me. It just felt so natural so easy for him to slip into this middle child role.

And it’s because he has all the bitchy confrontational energy of a younger sibling but with enough of the care and consideration of an Older sibling and so putting him against this older figure he doesn’t have to be as soft with as he is with Eri and he can really develop other aspects of his personality is so natural. H is such a bitchy constantly rolling their eyes sarcastic little brother I love it so much.

And this isn’t me saying I have anything against the Eri Shinsou dynamic ofcourse not I love them as siblings but I don’t know the dynamic just feels powered up when Shinsou’s a middle child there’s a more grown child figure kind of buffering a lot of Shinsou’s more abrasive tendencies so we still get to see that familial bitchy banter. A Heart Grows Fond described it perfectly with his relationship with Shigaraki. Shinsou gets a support system but he also gets someone he can practice his responsibility on without the fear that he might fuck it all up irredeemably because Eri is 6 and can’t pick herself up the way a 21 year old Shigaraki can of Shinsou miscalculates (it was explained so much better) but yeah that’s like the crux of it.

An older siblings is a much less pressured relationship that Shinsou really needs and god I just fucking love it. Middle child Shinsou you will always be famous to me.

[ddarker-dreams]

A Deal's a Deal II.

Yan Chrollo x F Reader

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy relationships, descriptions of anxiety and emotional/mental manipulation. Word count: 4.1k.

Prev

You met Chrollo at an old hole-in-the-wall bookstore that housed archaic texts. 

There was little information on your condition, but what material did exist hid itself beneath allegory and ciphers. The best leads came from high strangeness circles. They expanded on Jung’s concept of the collective unconscious, drawing parallels between historical records across cultures and periods that all implied some system that transcended physical limitations. Whether it came from alchemists like Paracelsus, mystics like Crowley, or authors like William Blake, hints of this system can be found sprinkled throughout history. 

Chrollo informed you that this system is commonly called ‘Nen.’

Before him, the nomenclature eluded you. You simply regarded it as a phenomenon best kept to yourself. The world’s a weird place, filled with inexplicable things that the human mind can’t always comprehend. This handheld device, which you nicknamed Instant Replay, is the foremost example.

You were always aware that you knew things you shouldn’t have. As a child, it perplexed you. Why do people sometimes sound weird? A few trips to the audiologist proved your hearing is perfectly fine. When this avenue didn’t provide answers, you ended up in counseling, where you reenacted the dilemma with dolls. For a while, you insisted that what you heard was real. It frustrated you to no end that the adults in your life either dismissed you or offered bromides. 

As an adult yourself in the present, you can’t blame them for being at a loss. 

You smartened up eventually. What you once blabbed about to anyone who would listen, you kept to yourself. This eased the tensions at home. Your parents seemed happy that the issue had ‘resolved’ itself and you maintained the illusion. Playing pretending could only do so much — the core problem remained. Your mind made the connection that when another was being dishonest, that’s when their voice would sound strange. After you realize that, there’s no going back. The epiphany changed how you interacted with others for better and for worse. 

“You want to get rid of your ability?” he sounded surprised when he asked. 

“How could I not?” you replied. “People lie… a lot. Friends, family, strangers. And, okay, that might not seem bad, but imagine always being aware of it. It— It eats away at you. Wears down your ability to trust. I have to act like I’m none the wiser, knowing full well someone just lied to my face. I don’t want to know! I’m tired of knowing!” 

“You’re unable to control when it’s active?” 

“Instant Replay lets me ‘review’ audio, both in real-time and after it’s been recorded. I have control over the latter, but that’s it.”

Your antagonistic relationship with Nen fascinated Chrollo. According to him, most people were intentional when it came to crafting their Hatsu. There are very few cases like yours where Hatsu is subconsciously given shape and form. You wish your subconscious had created something more useful, like a sword. That would’ve been cool. 

“Could I learn a new ability to oust Instant Replay?” you wondered. 

“Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way,” Chrollo dismissed. “In theory, it is possible to learn different abilities, although your inexperience would make that difficult. There’s no way to erase an ability either. You can, however, lose access to it. For instance, there’s my predicament, or…” 

He leaned in close and whispered: 

“... Someone could steal it.” 

-

Chrollo looks out of place in your apartment.  

It’s a cozy, lived-in space, full of trinkets that he thoughtfully examines as if he were in the Louvre. Meanwhile, you prepare two cups of tea. Chamomile with honey for you and Earl Grey for him. After setting the timer for five minutes, you realize there’s not much else to do but wait. The silence is unusual and unnerving. Anticipation thrums through the air like an electric current. You feel it coursing through your blood; tingling along your skin. 

The barstool you’ve chosen as your perch groans against the wooden floor as you pull it out.

Chrollo picks up a picture for closer inspection. You crane your neck, curious about which snapshot captured his attention. It’s from a night out with friends. Empty plates and drinks littered the table and each of you crowded in close to fit into frame. Since the restaurant was high-end, you were dolled up, adorned in an outfit that rarely saw the light of day. 

“Swarovski?” He sounds amused. 

“I’ve been known to splurge on the occasion,” you huff. “The necklace was on sale and the earrings were—” 

You cut yourself off, although you’re unsure why. It shouldn’t be a taboo topic. Nonetheless, beneath the weight of his gaze, you couldn’t get the word out. 

“—From an ex?” He offers. 

You nod. 

He returns the picture to its proper place, a cryptic smile on his lips. “So even you aren’t above materialistic impulses, hm?” 

“There’s a difference between rampant consumerism and buying yourself something nice on occasion,” you retaliate, disliking the edge of mockery in his voice. “I don’t need to hear this from the dude wearing a silver Rolex watch.” 

“It’s white gold.” 

You roll your eyes. “A camel through the eye of a needle.” 

“‘First cast out the beam out of thine own eye.’” 

“Do you seriously have the entire King James version of the Bible memorized?” 

“It was one of the most accessible texts in my youth,” he says, his smile softening into something pensive. “The missionaries were far more generous with those showing signs of ‘progress.’ I tried helping my companions memorize the more significant passages, but they weren’t what you’d call ideal pupils.” 

Missionaries? You purse your lips and consider the implications. Had Chrollo grown up in destitution? Come to think of it, you know very little about him or his background. Unlike you, he never volunteered the information. He skillfully maneuvered around any inquiry into his past. The most you’ve gleaned is that he’s a traveling antiquarian who, in pursuit of valuables, made some enemies along the way. 

The shrill shriek of the timer rips you from your thoughts. 

Chrollo accepts his mug with a “thank you” and sits on the rightmost side of your coach. After plopping two ice cubes into your concoction, you join him, leaving ample room between you. The nerves from earlier return. He’s an easy man to converse with, but when his mind is preoccupied — as it most certainly is now — you’re at a loss. Do you try reinitiating banter? Opt for a completely different topic? Or should you let him initiative, squirming around until he breaks the thickening tension? 

“Have I held you in suspense long enough?” Chrollo asks while holding his hand out. A book with a handprint on the cover appears, the pages flipping too fast for you to gauge their contents.

The quality of his aura temporarily stupefies you. This must be the difference between a novice like yourself and a genius. You can muster up enough aura to summon Instant Replay, but that takes considerable effort. To him, managing the flow of aura comes as easy as breathing. You scooch closer to study his technique. How long would it take you to match his expertise? Years? Decades? 

“I’ll get bashful if you keep staring at me like that.” 

“Liar,” you accuse without any real malice. 

He chuckles.

“Give me your hand.” 

Heat rushes to your face as you recall what happened when you last parted. “D-Do I have to?” 

“Yes.” 

Hesitantly, you do as he requests. He maneuvers your hand against the conjured book’s cover. You gnaw on your bottom lip, trepidation brewing inside your soul. You thought you’d feel relieved when this moment came. There’d be some butterflies, yes, but that would quickly give way to relief and exhilaration. The thorn that’s been in your side all these years is finally coming out. Your quid pro quo has reached its conclusion; this is your reward, your ticket to a normal life. 

“I like you too.” 

“I’ll be there whenever you need me.”

“It’s okay if you come.” 

“I promise I won’t tell anyone.” 

“We’ll always be together.”

Yes, people lie a lot. Sometimes, you’re unsure if they’re even aware of it themselves. They lie to you, the people they love, the people they hate, and themselves. Fate decided you’d be made witness to their folly, sewing your lips shut and eyes wide open. The wounds it left behind are intangible and incurable. How do you heal what you can’t explain knowing to others? How do you explain your hesitation, shift in demeanor, and inadequate coverup? 

The sound of Instant Replay whirring reverberates throughout your skull. 

Chrollo speaks your name softly. You startle, realizing that you’re blinking back tears. 

“I—” 

“It’s alright,” he reassures. The words sound crisp — genuine — soothing your budding concern that you’re inconveniencing him somehow. In an instant, the hardcover dissipates, leaving your hand flat against nothing. Chrollo takes the opportunity to come closer. When you don’t protest, he completely closes the distance, until you’re thigh to thigh. 

He smells good. Intoxicatingly so. 

“Show me the ability you despise so much, dear.” 

Dear? You think to protest the emergence of this nickname, yet you can’t bring yourself to. Instead, you follow his order, mechanically lifting your arm and summoning your ability much like he had. 

“Good. It’s almost over with,” he brushes the wetness away from your eyes with his knuckles. Your heart leaps at the contact. “Finally, I have to ask about your ability. There are so many possibilities… what to choose, what to choose… ah.” 

With the same hand that wiped away your nascent tears, he cups your cheek.

“Do you trust a man like me with such a dangerous ability?” 

“I have my reservations,” you respond. You don’t miss the amusement he derives from your candidness. “This sounds bad, but… at this point, I guess I just don’t care.” 

For a moment, all is still. There’s no odor of sulfur, maniacal cackling, or declaration that the ritual is complete. You didn’t have to sign a contract in blood or swear an oath to an infernal being. Your overactive imagination ran numerous scenarios through your head. The lack of flair over this life-defining moment is almost underwhelming. You frown, fearing that there was an error somewhere along the way. If there was, he’s given no indication, yet you’ll remain restless until the results are confirmed. 

“Chrollo?” 

“Hm?” 

“Did it work?” 

“It did, love.” 

“Could you, um,” you lick your lips, a motion that draws his attention. “Make something up so I can know for sure?” 

This request amuses him.

“How will you know if I’m being honest to mess around with you or not?” 

At this, you give him a light shove. Given his apparent playfulness, you expected him to move back, but he doesn’t budge an inch. It felt like trying to move a concrete building. 

“Make it an obvious lie, then.” 

“An obvious lie, hm?” He mulls over your suggestion. “Very well. How about this: I don’t want you beneath me.” 

You gape at him, dumbstruck. 

“I find it easy to control my urges around you.” 

He keeps going. 

“I’m unmoved by your beauty…” 

He gently pushes your shoulders until you’re lying down. 

“... Your wit…” 

He hovers above you, tracing the outline of your lips with his pointer finger. 

“... And boundless charm.” 

Chrollo tilts your head up by your chin. “Well? Do you believe me now?” 

Slowly, as if in a daze, you nod. Your heart lurches, the organ beating loud enough to hear in your ears. You feel uncomfortably warm, like your heater’s been cranked to the highest setting. Gradually, the violent joy you expected to accompany your liberation abounds, starting at your chest and overflowing outward. You’re smiling, breathless, your corporeal form barely able to contain the glee. You see your reflection in Chrollo’s eyes. There’s a manic quality to your countenance; you barely recognize yourself. 

You’re free, you’re free, you’re free— 

His lips find yours. Your cognition short circuits, leaving you in a reverie where you can barely understand what’s happening. He handles you so carefully that it’s easy to forget you’re physically trapped. He carries on, either failing to notice your apprehension or disregarding it. 

On some level, you’ve always sensed this underlying attraction. You remained purposefully obtuse. There was too much at stake — jeopardizing your aims for a fling felt counterintuitive. On paper, he’d make for the ideal partner. He’s devilishly handsome, charismatic, and intelligent to a fault. Aside from some dubious morality, you couldn’t ask for a better suitor. 

And still, hesitation prevailed. 

Every now and then, there’d be glimpses of some great, existential threat, beneath the fissures of his porcelain mask. These glimpses gave you pause. You think he could’ve tried harder to hide these damning qualities, yet chose not to. Where’s the fun — the thrill — in always playing nice? You needed his help more than he needed yours. His connections spanned continents, whereas yours were shallow and easy to uproot. 

How many of your convictions would you compromise? 

How far would you let the poison spread to cure another affliction? 

How can you look down on him if you’ve fallen to the same level? 

When he pulls away, you avert your gaze, fearing what stares back. 

“... So you are afraid of me, then.” 

Chrollo lets you wriggle out from underneath him. When your eyes make brief contact, it feels like he’s inspecting you, as if you were a specimen in a petri dish. It isn’t the reaction you’d expect from a rejected man. Nonetheless, you’re on edge and longing for a menial task to occupy yourself with. Recalling the state of the kitchen, you decide that will suffice. 

He remains seated as you wash and dry the implements used to make your tea. 

This uncharacteristic silence unsettles you further. The only audible sound in your apartment is your faucet, the water running over silverware that’s plenty clean. You scrub at it harder, wondering what you should do next. Originally, you intended to thank him for his pivotal role in removing your burden. You never would have made it this far without his assistance. Even with this strange atmosphere, your gratitude remains unwavering. 

You’ll be able to live life like anyone else now. It’s an accomplishment worthy of celebration, regardless of the twists and turns along the way. Maybe he misinterpreted your body language or acted on an impulse. These mistakes can happen when emotions run high. 

Okay, you think, psyching yourself up. This doesn’t have to be weird. I can—

“Have you given much thought over last week’s unpleasantness?” 

Your heart skips a beat and your shoulders droop. 

“I assume you haven’t,” he says. “That’s fair. It must’ve been frightening… I wish I could have spared you such an experience.” 

The appreciation he previously instilled in you desiccates, drop by drop. 

“Will you please get to the point?” 

Under different circumstances, you would’ve been more patient with his preamble, but this is a sore subject. A buried corpse like that shouldn’t be exhumed. His reasoning, though elusive to you now, doesn’t inspire warm sentiments. 

“That incident won’t be the last of its kind.”

You turn around as he approaches, sipping his tea. He leans against the counter and eyes you over the cup’s rim. 

“In truth, we should’ve left hours ago, but I was feeling sentimental.” 

“‘We?’ Chrollo, what are you talking about?” 

“Had it not been for your role in getting my Nen back, Hisoka would’ve killed you,” Chrollo says this so casually that you question if you’re hearing him right. “Now that you’ve done your part, he has a vested interest in doing so.” 

You no longer have a way to verify if he’s telling the truth or not. It’s so stupid, so unfair, that you almost laugh. Instant Replay no longer heeds your call. You surrendered it to a new master, who, before taking it from your willing hands, all but told you he was the worst person you could’ve picked. 

Chrollo continues, “He’s a peculiar case. All he cares about is fighting formidable opponents, and, with my Nen returned, I am one.”

You take a step back.

“That business is between you two. I fail to see how this involves me.” 

“I have preparations to finish before I face him,” Chrollo explains. “He doesn’t feel like waiting any longer. Harming you is an excellent way to speed things along. Even I don’t know what I’d do if you were fatally injured.” 

You shake your head. “I— you’re not serious. There’s just no way. I’m moving past all of this bullshit. Nen, Hatsu, whatever; that has nothing to do with me anymore. I’m done.” 

“I’m sorry, dear.” 

“No, you aren’t!” Your voice raises in pitch, pulled as taut as a bowstring. “You knew, didn’t you? That this would be a problem? Oh, oh, you had to, why else would you have acted all weird when you saw him? Stop looking at me like you care, like you’re sorry, 'cause this is the best-case scenario for you!” 

You pace back and forth, your mind racing. This was a mistake. Walking up to him because you recognized the book in his hands was a mistake. Is he bluffing? And if he is, does it matter? You can’t put up a fight. You don’t think you could even make it to the door. If he was a regular man, you’d have options. You could yell for help, call the cops, and inflict some damage, minor as it may be. All those tactics turn to ash before an oppressive, incomprehensible force like this. 

You snap your head in his direction. “Aren’t you going to say something?” 

“I don’t see how that will help.” 

You prepare to spew vitriol his way, when a dreadful thought shoots through you like a bullet. 

“My family. What about them? Won’t they be in danger too?” 

“They aren’t on his radar.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“Please don’t take this the wrong way,” Chrollo sets the cup down. “The suffering of your loved ones wouldn’t elicit a reaction from me, so he won’t bother. Targeting you is the wisest option.” 

Words fail you. Is this it? The depravity he kept subdued finally let loose, so dense in its quality that it threatens to suffocate you? All you wanted was a semblance of normalcy. Normal relationships, interactions, and problems. Has the path you’ve treaded brought you further away from this humble aspiration? Or is there still a way, some faint silver lining that you must find and latch onto? 

“What about after?” 

“Hm?” 

“After Hisoka is dealt with,” you clarify, tapping your foot repeatedly. “You’re not going to let him live, are you?” 

“That’s rather dark.” 

“Chrollo,” you implore. 

“No, I won’t,” he confirms. “As for what comes next — I intend to persuade you.” 

You regard him with suspicion. His tone and the implications sink into you like a venomous bite. He exudes quiet confidence, indicating that nothing you’ve said will influence him in any meaningful way. Dread sticks to your stomach, making your body feel heavy. You hug yourself, clenching your upper arms with shaky fingers. Any lingering excitement from earlier has vaporized, leaving behind a profound hollowness. 

“I suppose this can go a few ways,” you murmur. “I could cause as many headaches for you as possible, or, I could be decent enough.” 

“I’m listening.” 

“I’d like to have Instant Replay back,” you say. He quirks an eyebrow. “Just for a bit. What? I’m assuming if you can steal something, you can give it back, right?” 

“You’d be correct. Still, that begs the question; what are you intending to accomplish with this little scheme?” 

“Nothing that’ll inconvenience you in any major way.” 

Chrollo falls silent. You dig your nails into your flesh as the seconds drag on, awaiting his verdict. If he had your ability activated, he should’ve been able to discern your honesty. Then again, he’s aware of the workarounds. To ensure your words wouldn’t register as untrue, you had to remain vague and subjective. What you consider an inconvenience could differ drastically from him. 

“I’m sure I won’t regret this.” 

Your eyes widen. That dissonant timbre is unmistakable, he returned your ability! Filled with newfound resolve, you stride toward him, your eyes blazing. This is your chance. You need to make the most of this opening before it’s gone forever. He could choose not to answer any of your questions, but something tells you he won’t, like it’d injure his pride. You issued him a challenge and he’s intent on meeting it. 

“Did you have anything to do with what happened last week?” 

“I didn’t.” 

“Did Hisoka?” 

“No, he just happened to be observing you from afar.” 

“Why?” 

“For his personal amusement, I’d wager.” 

“He’d really kill me just to… agitate you?”

“It’s in line with his character.” 

You swallow thickly and press on. 

“And if you’re wrong?” 

“Then I’m wrong. Regardless, you’ll be alive and well.” 

“Can you win against him in a fight?” 

“Yes.” 

“And if you somehow lose, what happens next?” 

“My companions will hunt him down and kill him.” 

Now that you’ve gotten your most pressing inquiries out of the way, you decide to wade through dangerous waters. Chrollo likely saw the benefit in assuaging your doubt, these next questions provide him nothing substantial. His willingness to humor you is undoubtedly finite. Keeping this in mind, you consider the possibilities. You may never have a chance like this again. Is there anything that can give you an advantage? You’ll take anything, no matter how small, even if all it offers is an illusion of control. 

Chrollo glances at his watch in a not-so-subtle motion. 

“Who sealed your Nen?” 

“Now this is more what I expected,” he hums. His eyes take on a bright, unsettling shade. “An individual with a longstanding grudge. Your paths will not cross, I suggest adopting another plan of attack.” 

He saw right through you. You knew it was a long shot, but collaborating with this mysterious figure would have proven advantageous. They must be powerful in their own right to have bested Chrollo. Should you try pressing for more information? Then again, Chrollo doesn’t seem keen on sharing more, much to your chagrin. 

What does that leave you with…?

“How do you plan on ‘persuading’ me?” 

“You’re better off not knowing until we get to that point.” 

You frown. If that didn’t register as a lie, it must be what he genuinely believes. Curiosity plagues you, dredging up anxiety. You have but a few grains of sand left in the hourglass remaining. It’s suspended midair, poised to drop at the most ill-timed moment. The approach of the end is worse than its inevitable arrival. You now have the chance to hasten its onset, at the risk of being debilitated by the impact. What lows would he resort to? Are you actually better off remaining ignorant?

“Alright, let’s—” 

“Does it hurt to know I’ll never love you?” 

Up until this point, he’s fired back with a near instant response. This time, however, he hesitates, the invasive nature of the inquiry necessitating careful thought. You finally found an effective ‘attack.’ It’s too late to do you any lasting good, but you greedily devour it nonetheless. When dealing with a person of Chrollo’s caliber, it’s easy to forget he possesses the same human qualities you do. You might be unable to stop his heart from beating, but you can make the organ ache. 

“I can live with it, dear.” 

You pinch your eyebrows together, thrown off by his voice’s clarity. Is the knowledge that inconsequential to him? Have you misjudged his attachment? While considering this, you flex your fingers, concentrating your aura there. You can’t repeat his words back since Instant Replay wasn’t recording, but you still decide to conjure it. You’ll record what remains of this conversation to ensure you don’t miss anything else. 

The flow of your aura halts at your wrist, refusing to take form. Frowning, you try again, only to realize he must have reclaimed your ability. 

When did that happen? Was it before or after his response? 

Chrollo says your name, regaining your attention. “I fulfilled my end of the bargain. Will you do the same?” 

After playing the role of the interrogator, you’re back to being an inmate. You meant what you said — when you said it, that is. This is yet another loophole to subvert Instant Replay. What’s true to you in one instant can change in the next. It’s frightening how fast he’s learned these nuances that took you years to test and discover. He’s already making the most of your ability, turning what was a thorn in your side into a full-fledged dagger. 

“What choice do I have?” 

“There’s always a choice,” Chrollo asserts. “You just have a habit of making the wrong ones.” 

A delirious laugh leaves your lips. 

"... I suppose you're right."

[nmakii]

nagi loves when you blow up his phone. the undeniable smile that decorates his face when he sees the 18 messages you sent him.

my only 💗: SEISHIIIIIII

my only 💗: U HAVE TO PLAY THIS GAME!!!!

my only 💗: ITS CALLED MARRIED IN RED

my only 💗: JS HEAR ME OUT

my only 💗: GO BOKSU.

my only 💗: SHES SSSOOOO FINE

my only 💗: SEI IK THIS ISNT UR TYPE OF GAME

my only 💗: GAMEPLAY IS 40 MIN MAX AND MECHANICS ARE REALLY EASY SO IT MIGHT BE EZ TO A GAMER LIKE U

my only 💗: BUT…. 🥹🥹🥹

my only 💗: STORYLINE!!!!!!!

nagi snored as his phone’s screen displayed the low battery warning. he had fallen asleep after rereading some of your old chats, and his screen was left on as his hand gripped on to the phone.

my only 💗: SEIIIII

my only 💗: WHY ARE YOU SEENZONING ME 😣😣😣😣😣

nagi fell asleep after he had procrastinated a project he had two weeks to do for far too long. ah, school was such a hassle… as he snuggled with his soft blanket, he suddenly became much more conscious, realizing the tension in his shoulders… or how his core hurt so badly… his whole body was sore… waking up was such a pain…

the uncomfortable feeling of it all was enough to wake nagi up from his 4 hour nap, and he quickly realizes that he fell asleep with his phone open.

now at 8%, he quickly moved to pull the charger on his bedside table closer to his bed, and connected it to his phone by the cable. now he could charge, and he could check his phone…

closing the displayed warning, he sees the wave of texts you sent him. and, he can’t deny the small curl of his lips that form into a tiny smile. your spam texting had always been a highlight of his day, especially when he wakes up. at this point, he’s begun to change his daily routine to include texting you and replying to your texts before logging in and claiming his mobile game dailies.

maybe this was what it is supposed to feel like when you have a girlfriend. he’s supposed to feel this way as your boyfriend, right?

me: sry baby :x

me: i fell asleep w my phone on,,,

he waits for you to reply, not even leaving the app. he constantly exits the chat to refresh. maybe his wifi was just the problem? you’re taking forever! he misses you already, he just hopes you don’t think he was actually ghosting you.

but, when that small seed of doubt is suddenly implanted, he’s worried. why are you taking so long? are you trying to be petty and ignore him for the same amount of time? are you… ah— you’re texting.

nagi’s mental turmoil seems to be stopped when the small subtext changes from ‘sent 4m ago’, into ‘typing…’

yay! he’s mentally rejoicing. as if that one change was his saving grace.

my only 💗: sei??? 😭😭😭

my only 💗: dont do that omg ur gonna burn a hole into ur mattress

me: ur right,,,

me: my phone is a bit hot lol

me: anyways,,, married in red ?

me: sounds a bit boring :x

my only 💗: 😦😦😦

my only 💗: u did NOT j say that

nagi smiles at his screen at how you begin to rant, as if he insulted your life and its purpose. he hates reading books— such a hassle. but, he always finds himself reading every single word of your rants— even sometimes backtracking and rereading to fully comprehend your words.

why is it that you make him put in more effort than necessary? is it because he likes making you happy? because of the way your face lights up when he mentions something you noted weeks before? maybe that was it.

but truth be told, he doesn’t really care about the reason. it’s simply something that has become a habit of his as of late. and now, he finds himself on itch.io downloading the same game you begged him to play. but, it was worth that bit of effort if it was for you…

[stinmybubs]

"Do It For Us." Pt.4

AN: I LIED SHE IS IN UA CUZ SHIKETSU IS TOO STRICT AND SHE NEEDS CREATIVE FREEDOM.

Summery: quirkless and weak, two words treat have defined this girl for too long. She can be useful to her friends, she can finally carve out a way into the hero life. From the sidelines. But…Izuku has a quirk? When? How? He’s a liar….

M. Izuku x AFAB! Reader x B. Katsuki

Pt.1 | Pt.2 | Pt.3

Being an inventor had opened your eyes, so many possibilities with creating things you realize heros will need. Some quirks can’t be regulated without support items which means you would be a vital part of history!

And some quirks weren’t hard to replicate. In a way you could research quirks and make your own. You had so many plans and ideas to share, especially after taking your first step in your classroom.

You felt your heart racing, transferring a month into school was stressful, everyone already knew each other and probably had clicks.

The support course, you were able to branch off after your main classes into the little indoor laboratories or whatever they’re called to create. Of course of of them were taken, two people in one garage.

Of course you were lucky enough to have one more spot so you didn’t have to walk across the entire school to get to an empty one. The teacher had told you that your partner will be a girl since of your record.

You nervously approach the lab, a box of blueprints and tools in your hands and you push the door open to see a girl with a big smile on her face laughing maniacally while creating her creations.

“My babies will be perfect! After I showcase these babies they’ll have to recruit me and buy my precious babies!” The pink haired girl cheered holding one of her ‘babies’ in the air.

You simply sneak into the room, making your way to the long desk across the room. Surprisingly it was empty, you thought since she was alone she’d take up the whole space.

“Hiya!” You felt a hand suddenly on your shoulder making you scream. “Oh my god!” You drop your box on the desk turning around to see the pink haired girl who had grime all over her face smiling at you.

“I was told a female transfer student will need space! So I kicked the guy who was in here outta here!! Of course I wanna work with a girl! We can create precious babies together! By the way the names Mei Hatsume! Wanna see some of my babies!? Oo what’s in here!” The girl was spouting so much you couldn’t even comprehend anything she was saying, everything was happening so fast.

It kind of reminded you of Izuku.

“Oh! That’s just my blueprints…I wanna see if I can replicate complicated quirks maybe even see if you can like I dunno…change some? An example would be if Mount lady could control her size! It would be super useful especially when navigating a large city with cramped roads. Mount lady would-“ you cut yourself off as you saw the girl listening intently, you face flushing realizing you were rambling like Izuku normally would.

“That’s a brilliant idea! Me and you are gonna get along just fine! You’re also just in time for the sports festival! It’s literally in 2 days!” She cheered helping you set up your side of the room.

Mei was a doll, you loved her bright energy and her ability to create was grand! You two spent the day going over blue prints and possible tools you could bring to the sports festival.

This is where you heard that class 1-A was the most popular class right now, the hero course. That’s where you could assume where Bakugou and Izuku was, well either 1-A or 1-B.

“Yeah that Bakugou guy is a real snob!” You flinch at the name, currently you were fetching some history books with a fellow classmate to stock up in your home room class.

“Yeah should’ve known class 1-A would be to egotistical. Only a select few get into the hero course.”

Class 1-A huh? You thought, spacing out at the thought of visiting Bakugou. He’s only a few halls away, you could totally just pop in. But we’re you ready?

“Ah!” You didn’t know what was happening, one minute you were walking with a stacks of books the next you were falling. Turns out a whole group of students starting bombarding the halls.

“What the hell!?” You look around, picking yourself up noticing the group of students making their way down the halls. “They late for class or?”

“Nah, they’re checkin out class 1-A, not only did they survive a real villian attack but in the sports festival they can switch you into the hero class if they see you fit for it. Meaning some kids, gonna get moved out.” Your class mate stated, helping you pick up your books that you had dropped.

“It’s not like I wanna get in so…-“ your class mate continued talking while you stared down the hall. Thoughts racing through your mind. You hadn’t seen Bakugou in months.

I wonder how he’s doing…

I’m just not ready.

The days before the sports festival past quickly, you told mei that you didn’t think you could participate in the sports festival due to your anxiety. She understood right away and told you she will represent your babies at the festival in your steed.

Mei was such a sweet girl, she always knew exactly what to say to you and how to make you feel better. You felt so lucky.

You watched from the area your class was assigned, you were basically the only one there as all the classes walked into the large stadium. You heart raced, you immediately could see the two you longed to see the most.

They haven’t changed. You smile watching as the classes line up to listen to the hero Midnight announce the rules and who’s going to sing the pledge.

“Bakugou Katsuki!” The skimpy suited hero yelled, unexpected. You thought that Katsuki would be the last person to represent a class, due to his very aggressive behavior. You simply watched as he walked up into the podium, hands stuck in his pockets.

“I just wanted to say. That I’m gonna win.”

Oh my god…

Your jaw drops and you cover your mouth, trying to hold your laughter in. God damn it Katsu! Honestly you should’ve known he’d do something like this, his bold confidence was something I’m you used to admire. Come to think of it you were doing fine seeing him.

MaybeI am ready…

But you just didn’t want to risk it, ruining your own life after another episode, you don’t think you would ever recover from another episode. Especially after finding your calling.

As the games went on, you watched the first event intently, seeing Bakugou fighting for first place gave you a rush of your own. You couldn’t help but be internally rooting for him.

Until you saw Izuku flying past the the two boys fighting for first place. Your eyes widen, like in slow motion you saw the boy you admired all your life. Izu..

You stood up in your chair, now you had no clue who to root for! Woah! Izu is so smart…he used the bombs to propel himself in front of the rest of them. He always was the smart one, you know instead of a hero he couldn’t taken the support course. With that brain he could make fine equipment for hero’s.

Your smile fades, how did he get into the hero course..? Only the best of the best, with quirks can get in…

Before your mind begins to race, you quickly calm yourself down, settling back in your seat to continue watching the race play out.

As the games went on, the Calvary battle gave you a good laugh watching Bakugou fly around and angrily yell at his teammates.

You smile as both your childhood friends made it to the finals, Bakugou was fighting a cute girl! And Izuku was fighting a todoroki. Well the only fights you were interested in paying any attention to, you kind of spaced out for the rest of the fights until theirs came.

Well of course you had a very good laugh when Mei toyed with that glasses guy!

Finally it was Bakugou’s fight, of course you were voting for him. Watching as he basically bullied the girl, her quirk…they said it was gravity right. Yknow if I had it I would. Then you realized what she was doing, looking up to see the broken pieces of the stage floating above the stadium.

I fucking love her. You thought excitedly, you kind of hoped this would work, the girl was tirelessly charging herself at your blonde haired friend. Hearing the crowd booing Bakugou broke your heart, not only for Bakugou but the fact that they’re totally underestimating this girl!

One of the announcers lectured the heros booing him, as the rocks came falling down, it was an amazing sight. Woah! The hero course is so…amazing. But with one blast Bakugou countered her attack basically ending the fight there after the girl collapsed due to exhaustion.

You felt a hand land on your shoulder startling you as you realize it was just Mei. “Did you see our babies Y/n! They did so good! Don’t worry if any agencies ask about them I’ll let them know you helped me too! And of course some of them are your design.” She cheered giving you the biggest hug as you watch Izuku step out onto the stage.

You tuned out the world during this fight, there was no way he was going to win. Especially without a quirk. Your memory remembered the time where he told you that he had a chance to get in. Does that mean…? No…so was he not quirkless? Did he find out he had one?

So he wasn’t like you?

As the fight when on, he managed to counter every attack which made your heart sink. Confirming your thoughts as you watch his bones break with each powerful use of his quirk.

He had a quirk? When? Since when did he get a quirk?

You didn’t know how or when. All you knew is that he wasn’t like you anymore, he wasn’t quirkless. A weakling it be pushed around all your life, a defenseless bug to be squashed underneath everyone’s feet.

Or was he just lying…did he lie about not having a quirk? Laughing behind your back all these years as he pretended to be your friend? Your alley? Your only hope? Your mind raced with thoughts you didn’t even know you had streams of tears rushing from your eyes down your face, Mei calling out your name.

Since you weren’t budging, staring at the fight as she Mei quickly rushed you out into a waiting room. “Is everything okay Y/n!?? What happened?” You snap back to reality, just breaking down in tears.

You felt like a fool. You felt so betrayed, your heart felt so broken in that very moment. You couldn’t be here anymore, you couldn’t.

“Did you hear?”

“Yeah some girl from the support course was in tears over this fight.”

“Heard it was a quirkless transfer.”

“I wonder what that was about.”

Katsuki rolled his eyes at the bumbling rumors going around the students, watching as Izuku and todoroki fought.

“Her name I think was.. Y/n L/n?” He immediately perked up, turning to the class that was sitting above them to try to listen closer. She must’ve saw Deku usin that stupid quirk. What a fuckin idiot. Katsuki clenched his fist, getting out of his seat to fines you.

He needed to see you.

At least one more time.

AN: maybe this will be a long term series I keep cutting off the romance 😭 IM SO SORRY I LOVE YOU GUYS Xoxo Stinmybubs

[osameru]

Safety Things I’ve Scripted for my Teen Wolf x Hogwarts DR!

This is all subject to change and only posted for a reference for myself to use here and there.

🖇️🖇️🖇️

—> I handle gore and fear very well; there will usually be a big bad to fight, in hogwarts or around beacon hills or even anywhere I’m summoned as the acting Mother of Magic. This means I might have to see, smell or hear things that might terrify me, but being able to handle witnessing things like these would make my life a hundred percent easier and less stressful.

—> I am not easily scared nor do I feel the feeling of all consuming fear; again, if I come across something terrifying, I don’t want to lock up and see which one I am from freeze, fawn or flee. I want to be brave and be able to seek reassurance from myself and my own personal strength.

—> I do not easily get traumatized, I handle trauma very well, and I can process things healthily and easily; shit’s scary during a magical war and any supernatural battle! Even with my previous safety features, things can happen, and just in case, I want to be able to heal quickly and process/handle the things that happen to me.

—> I can protect myself and others easily, and I’m never gravely injured or hurt beyond repair; i’m shifting to hogwarts x teen wolf… i’m shifting to battle, no matter how lowkey I’ve made the ‘plot’ and ‘enemies’. I need to make sure in case of anything, I can use my magic to protect myself from danger, and my friends and family. Also, this is hand in hand to the regular precaution of ‘i can’t die’.

—> I can put together context clues easily, solve cases quickly and figure things out almost immediately; i want to be in the know! i need to know actually, to be able to protect my territory. Stiles won’t be the only one making connections and solving cases.

—> I’m not really put in difficult positions, such as having to kill, having to make huge ethical decisions for others, given extreme responsibilities from the ministry; self explanatory, to be honest. Yes, I’m important to Beacon Hills and magical society, but I don’t want too many responsibilities, which will crush my free time and emotional well-being.

—> I don’t accidentally harm others when I don’t mean to, physically, emotionally or even with my magic; magic might be hard to control with how much of it I have! I don’t know yet, so it will pay to take precautions. Also, I hate hurting the people in my life emotionally, so this a major precaution for me.

—> My sense of pain is more muted and easy to control; while I can feel pain, it’s not too intense and painful. It’s mostly a warning for me to know where my body is hurting.

—> I have great comprehension, understanding, communication and listening skills; so many things in life can be avoided if you simply communicate and COMPREHEND. My life isn’t a fanfic, so I would rather avoid these tropes and not have to endure a fall out or fight over a misunderstanding!

—> I’m never EVER cheated on, physically or emotionally or anything of the like; you got me fucked up if you think I’m shifting somewhere to be CHEATED ON. And no, I don’t gaf about your ‘anything can happen once you shift!!!’ Hey, ever considered thats because YOU believe that? Lydia and Allison’s stupid petty drama can stay far away from me as possible. Everybody can see through your narcissistic good-girl not-like-other-girls attitude, Allison. And Lydia’s not even that bad, but her TV show character development is going to take a while in real life.

—> I’m incredibly good at (defensive and offensive) magic; a war is a war. I’m going to survive no matter what, and I’d rather win. I also don’t want to face intense magical exhaustion or have the Nemeton seep or give me too much magic.

—> I’m great at seeing through lies and reading between context clues; again, no misunderstandings!

—> Anyone who has ill intentions towards me and actively acts about them is divinely punished and then goes through a long lasting period of karmic retribution/suffering; UNLESS I don’t wish them to AND they have apologized enough for it.

—> People do not have any gossip on me that is bad or smears my image; as a popular media figure, and someone who’s gone to school/is going to school in a small town, gossip is huge. With so few people in the Hogwarts year and less in Beacon Hills, I refuse to be used as a pasttime conversation piece. The media can report factual things on me and minor unharmful rumours, but nothing that can deface me or ruin my public image.

🖇️🖇️🖇️

[charliedawn]

wow, I re-read your works on Hannibal family and again I am delighted. it's perfection!! i am getting on my knees and begging for more. Maybe how the Hannibal family flirts or seduces the reader.

Here you go, dear. Hope you’ll like it. 😌

Morgan Hannibal Lecter :

Morgan doesn’t flirt. He is practical and wants to have control all the time. This is why he couldn’t possibly comprehend how anyone could possibly not see love as anything else than another pleasurable exchange between two individuals. He had changed the clauses of the relationship contract for you. So much that you were almost free. Was owning your attention really that bad for you ? Or did you simply not find him attractive ?

Morgan rarely bonds with his coworkers. But, you ? It was an instant connection. He immediately sought your undivided attention. And he even dreamt of you. He had asked you multiple times to be his partner, but you had refused each time. He didn’t understand.

So he had settled for the second best thing…watching over you and making sure you have no other choice than him.

"…Fly high, my little fairy." He blew hot air on your shoulders and chuckled darkly before wrapping his fingers around your throat from behind as you slept—blissfully unaware. "Just remember that I can as easily cut them…"

Peter Hannibal Lecter :

Peter is an attention-seeker and a touch-starved boy with very little impulse control. He’d hug you and kiss you and make you hold hands all the time. And the very moment he is not being cuddled with or kissed ? He’d whine and beg.

Peter : "Pleeeaaaassse ! Y/N ! You can’t do this to me !"

You : "…I AM GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER, PETER !"

Peter *bangs on the door* : "PLEASE !"

His love can be overwhelming and he’ll flirt by…being very attentive to your every need and become a true golden retriever. He’d bring you everything you want, be anyone you want and kill whoever you want.

He’d also be the type of boy to fall in love at first sight. Just saying. He wouldn’t hesitate to tell you I Love You the first time you meet. So, be prepared.

Kevin Hannibal Lecter :

Kevin *kisses your temple and hugs you from behind* : "Hey there, ~cutie pie."

Kevin likes to own things. He likes to be very close to his things at all times and as he possesses his art, he likes to be very close to you and remind the world that you’re his.

He doesn’t give a toss that you are talking to your friends or not. When he calls you ? You better answer and be there before he decides to show up and remind you that he isn’t someone to mess around with.

Kevin can be very tender and loving…but what he doesn’t like anyone to know is that he is also very self-conscious. And if he thinks you are going to leave him or go for another man…? There’s no telling what he’ll do to make you stay.

Kevin *chuckles and grips your hip tightly* "Let’s go home, sugar. You and I are gonna have a loooong discussion about always answering your damn phone when I’m the one calling you."

Hannibal Sr. Lecter :

Hannibal Sr. : "How about you and I get some dinner and then, we can eat near the little pond we both love so much ?"

Hannibal Sr Lecter would invite you to dinner and trick you into having you alone before interrogating you about your personal life and what makes you happy. He’d then make sure to show you his most charming side and seduce you.

He’d also bring you gifts of all kinds from his travels and slowly make you get used to him. And depend on him. Until you cannot get him out of your brain, heart or life. He’d become essential to you and make you crave his love before falling in love with you.

Because even love can be controlled, and he refuses to let love control him.

Hannibal Sr *after he fell in love with you* : "My little lamb…You and I are never gonna end. Not even as Death takes you, I am going to keep you alive. Forever."

Hannibal Jr. Lecter :

"Are you alright, my darling ?"

Hannibal Jr. will firstly try to flirt with you with his gestures. A gentle kiss on the cheek here, a brushing of hands there and maybe a little kiss on the forehead to make you feel his 'caring' nature. He would make you see that he is the best you can afford. And make it his duty to sell himself.

Hannibal Jr. Lecter can cook, read and listen. He can be the perfect gentleman in every circumstance and make you feel like you are the only one in the world. He would listen to you and be your comforting shoulder when you need it. He will flirt by being the best man you can find and knowing he’s the best of the best…will finally allow himself to flirt with you with his his words.

"…My darling. I am deeply infatuated by you. May you grace me with the endless enjoyment of your company ?" *extends his hand forward and tilts his head expectantly* "Please ?"

[our-queer-experience]

I remember how when I was first realizing I was trans, among the pile of other awful thoughts, one of the loudest ones was “Why can’t I just be simpler?”

And I think about that one very often. Because it was there whenever i changed in a way that isn’t very socially acceptable, and I realize now why I can’t be “simpler”.

Because I would be denying myself freedom and life.

If I chose a safe route, I would become a liar. I could choose to suppress, I could choose to simply smile and dress the way I am expected to, I could hide my actual self behind a thick brick wall and watch thru a small window as he dies, and as I slowly start to rot beside him. Then I would be denying myself any freedom, and any life, and any chance of anything. I would be lying to not only myself, not only others, but god himself as well. But that route would be considered the simple one, and I would be safe and normal.

If I chose the other route, the true, complicated one, then I would achieve freedom. I could embrace the danger that comes with blunt and brutal honesty. I could stop living a fake, plastic ideal. I could finally see life for what it is, something I am yet to comprehend, something so much more complex than anything I have ever thought of it to be. Freedom is something I’ll only be able to get if I accept danger and complexity.

this reads like goddamn poetry

[bagopucks]

A group of Michigan Brothers and their tall friend

🤝

A group of Michigan Brothers and their tall friend

From one hyper fixation to the next. If you wanna know where I’ve been, it’s with my music.

If there’s one thing I’ve loved all my life, it’s been music. It has been so long since I’ve genuinely invested myself in a band I felt meaningful or enjoyable. Modern music is not my favorite thing. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but I just don’t enjoy the vast majority. This however, I can get behind. Nothing beats modern rock that sounds like it was pulled from the 70’s. I’ve always been envious of older decades that had such beautiful music, and I can’t even express how wonderful and fulfilling life has felt with the one thing I’ve wished for since I was old enough to listen to and comprehend music. I can’t explain it in a way to make anybody understand, but this music, this fashion, this time feels almost.. like a reality in a way. Like it’s actually within my grasp. It’s something I’ve always loved but I never had the privilege of loving in the present time. Now I do, and the love I used to hold for music has returned at such an overwhelming pace that life feels so full again.

Nothing touches my soul deeper than a beautiful voice and meaningful lyrics. Something poetic and fun. I’ve been an artist since as long as I can remember. I feel incomplete if I don’t have good music to listen to, or a muse for drawing and physical art. Music is beautiful in an indescribable way.

Due to the transition period I’ve started, from high school to college, and a lot of change, my OCD and depression has been spiking on and off like a switch. I’ve been pretty busy these past few weeks, seeing as everybody at work simply decided to quit, so my hours are through the roof. I’d like to take a break to focus on my art and my future for a month or so. Possibly until the new season opens. I’m not saying a permanent goodbye, I promise I’ll be back. I just need some time for myself, and I’d love to explore my other interests some more while I have this past summer as a ‘kid’.

Always feel free to check in, submit thoughts, questions, just talk if you want to talk. I’ll still be on tumblr, just not writing. Though I’ve kept my accounts separate, with this break, I’d like to extend the opportunity for anybody to follow @teddydrawshockey (my first account) if they’d like. I’ll probably continue to post art there from time to time. Requests for art, drawings, anything of that nature is always welcome on that account as well.

I want to give a sincere thank you to all of those who have followed and remained consistent through the few months I have done this! It has been so much fun, and I can’t wait to return to writing soon. The support, interaction, and love for my work was what kept me going. This account was initially created so I could get some of my own ideas down on paper. Then interaction came in, and I decided to make something out of it. I thank all 800+ of you who have followed for the ride. And the ones who popped in every once and a while to check out my works and spam my account. I am eternally grateful, and I do hope you all stick around for my return.

I promise this is not the end, I’ll be back

-Ella

[robotnik-apologist]

AHHHHHHH! I love your writing! SatAM Robotnik is chronically underrated.

Can I please get some headcanons about what SatAM Robotnik would be like as a husband? I need to marry that FAT man.

tysm! and yes, absolutely. marriage-related headcanons just hit different 🙏 (a.n. i know that the req didn't include anything wedding-esc but i can’t help but indulge myself 😗)

SatAM!Robotnik Marriage HC’s:

Theme: Impacto - Enjambre

In my mind, there’s 100% an elopement. Not as dramatic as a traditional one (maybe a little, though - he has a flair for the dramatic, after all), but really just to get away from things - getting married is kind of hard to do in your workplace.

It also makes sense to me because it’s feasible - I forget which episode it happens in, exactly, but he leaves to go deal with an uprising in the Northern Frontier for a few days. I just figure that it means that he could realistically spare some time away - especially if it’s for you! <3

Moving on from that though, I think he’d actually be fairly different as a husband than he is in a (technically) noncommittal relationship. If you get to the point of marrying this guy, there’s an undeniable level of trust and intimacy between the two of you. It wouldn’t necessarily go away, per se, but he’s definitely not going to act as egotistical as he usually does - not around you, at least.

Not that there wouldn't be a bit of occasional struggle, though. Although he’s a lot more comfortable being open with you, it doesn't necessarily mean that he’s entirely confident. He does hold you in high regard, after all - and although he trusts that you’d never think badly about him in such a scenario - he just doesn't want to change how you feel/think about him.

Regardless, his usual bluster and confidence is completely flipped on its head when he actually cares for someone - that won’t ever change.

Really, though, he adores you. You’re someone that he can laugh with, that he can rely on, and most importantly, you’re someone that cares about him.

It seems out-of-character, at first glance - but this guy is a master manipulator when it comes to dealing with the Freedom Fighters. It’s not like he doesn't comprehend the emotions that drive people, or that he himself is immune from them. And because of that, I’d say there’s likely a pervasive loneliness that tends to linger in him.

All of that seems pretty heavy, and it really just comes with the concept of marriage itself - but at the same time, he’s not immune to whimsy and occasional tomfoolery. Like I said earlier, a big part of marriage is just being able to laugh at AND with one another.

Another change from dating to marriage is likely going to be the amount of PDA he’ll tolerate. Before getting married (like I said in my earlier relationship headcanons), he isn’t fond of PDA simply due to it possibly leading to a perceived weakness on his part. But afterward? You’re his spouse/wife/husband, for God’s sake, and he doesn’t give a damn anymore.

When it comes to having kids, ehhh… I personally don’t foresee it - he hates organic life, and I doubt he’d want to create more of it. But I’m very self-indulgent and think about it anyway, so if you want those kinds of headcanons, fire away. (I think it’s also important for me to say that even if something doesn’t align with my personal headcanons, they’re just that - headcanons. If you wanna see a specific scenario, even if it's super out-of-character, who cares? I certainly don’t, so ask anyway.)

Either way, he’s going to be much more affectionate in pretty much every way you’re comfortable with - you will constantly receive handmade trinkets, and you cannot escape it.

Like I said earlier, he adores you; there's very little he wouldn't do for you. He really just wants you to be happy and see you smile.

[lifenconcepts]

mrrrow? (how are you?) also. *runs around due to zoomies*

I was wondering, how did you figure out your identities? also what are they? of course it’s okay if you don’t keep track or just don’t want to answer lolz.

I love this question but sadly enough I can’t define my entire identity in mere words! Overall, I just have a basic grasp on understanding on who/what I am after spending a lot of time reflecting on my own life experiences, the way I perceive and feel things, what I like doing, and the sorts!

I only came to use the term therian a couple years back, approx 2022, and alterhuman only this year, and yet have been feeling in-human for way longer now!

as a child I showed many signs of both being a creature, wanting to be like them, acting like them, studying them, wanting to be referred to as such, and seeing myself as one. Specifically what I’m talking about is a wolf. I had plenty of traits that existed in both me and the animal and I tended to gravitate to media of them, also using some variation of “wolf” in my online usernames, and felt an insane rush of emotion when people outright called me a wolf or that I resembled one (both irl and online), and it felt more true to what I am.

lately though I have gotten more used to my human body and I’ve honestly never been one to experience species dysphoria but even now I do fanaticise about having certain animal features and traits (and I still do present a wolf in a few ways and forms, also experience shifts not all that commonly but still).

it just kinda sat with me for a while until not that long ago, maybe 2022 again, where I began to experience strong urges related to birds or wings, and after a few shifts, it quickly became more manageable and now mainly exists as a silly little desire and not as much of an identity and yet I can say it was rather likely because I was feeling mentally stuck and in a true bad shape at the time and maybe a desire for freedom and escape manifested such an identity in me but I don’t exactly feel the same now, still, I do enjoy thinking of flying or wanting to have wings along with also adoring studying birds and looking at them.

Those two are my main ones and other than that I have a few “flowy” ones which sort of fluctuate in my brain depending on either how I feel or what I’m doing, often times, I feel like an angelic being (completely unrelated to angels in most media) and my perception of the world changes accordingly, other times, I feel a bit unsettled and may revert to feeling like a pathetic dog but in a silly way, and physically feel like I have the body of such, but other than that, I can usually tell if a feeling or emotion I’m experiencing is simply a human thing (for example being guilty for failing a promise, excited to do something I love, or curious about a new topic) and if something may be related to my alterhuman self (having traits that don’t match humans (also part of my neurodivergence), desires urges or cravings for things I usually don’t have an interest in, and changes in my perception of the world).

I still am sort of figuring out myself as I go, for we all know, there isn’t a single day in life where we stop growing, changing, and learning - only taking breaks here and there to relax. So even though I have mostly figured myself out for the whole part there are still things I wish to know better about myself and I’ll also likely keep somewhat changing with what I feel fits or doesn’t fit me, and yet other than that, it’s a matter of understanding!

personally I’m spiritual (not religious) and so have an internal hunch that helps me understand and better learn things, being able to grasp a concept and comprehend wether it’s something I should make a fuss about or let go, and it has helped me decide on things that I presume others can’t really do..

for example, I can tell inherently just by focusing on a thought if it’s a mere mortal happening or has some underlying reason- and from then on figure out if it’s due to a natural behaviour like how our brains work OR may be some inhuman aspect, and then figure out how to deal with it usually by invoking some information from previous experiences. Like, if on a walk, suddenly feel a thrill at seeing the trees, and after realising that I’m being overly enthusiastic of such a thing, take a few seconds to think, and recognise if it’s because I just haven’t been outside in a few days and just love the beauty of it all or have a deep connection with nature and feel at home with it all (both of which happened to me at different times).

there isn’t a set guide to how and why some things are so it’s usually always best at figuring out yourself by yourself, but trying to figure out how others did it can also be a great help!

in short, I just focused on the moment and what makes sense for it. Because even for a set identity, certain habits or beliefs or opinions or thoughts can have different meaning and effects depending on the situation, and it’s best to give examples but I hope you understand anyways.

The cause of a specific response can often chance or even differentiate so it’s never as easy as keeping a booklet of “if I breathe, I will be happy. If I see a cat, I’ll pet it” because things can often vary and maybe go differently. One moment you’re randomly happy then the next you’re suddenly sad with no reason. One day you really like the sun and the next you feel like it’s threatening you. One event you really like to look at around at the way people dress and another you are indifferent and are thinking of other things. Nothing will ever be stationary and neither will an identity. Anything can, will, and likely has changed but to figure out what and who you truly are, it’s best to just see what you feel most comfortable as or what you’ve been experiencing the longest and still feel relates to you. Find comfort in the unknown and don’t be in a rush to find answers, take your time, and even if it takes a long long time, it doesn’t matter because nobody is in a rush! Just stay calm, try to be fine with not yet knowing things, and slowly make baby steps into seeing the bigger picture!

Truly, feel free to come to me if you need help with your own journey or ask me any questions about myself! I’ll be happy to talk and help :))

[quibbs126]

Anyways, would you guys like to hear some ideas that have been coming to me the past couple days? It’s not about Cookie Run, but instead it’s sort of based on an original idea which is basically me trying to figure out how to have my own Cookie Run while not being Cookie Run. You know just hypothetically

I unfortunately don’t have drawings so you’re just gonna have to listen to my ramblings

Okay well anyways, so my idea is of these golems made of food, potentially because the entire world is made of food (which isn’t necessary, but it ties me back into the food based works that I love in Cookie Run and my fascination with cooking in video games)

So these golems are made of food, but what brings them to life and makes them different from the rest of the world is their golem cores, which give them life and basically act as their power source. And they’re also born from cauldrons, made with several ingredients, those being the ones that determine their food and general form, and the golem core

Currently in the time of the world, the golems make other golems, and often it’s just the equivalent of having a kid, but they were originally created by other people, and they’re aware of this, considering their creation isn’t at all a natural process. However the golems aren’t really sure who originally made them, since they can’t find much evidence of those creators. But most golems aren’t really bothered by these questions, it’s mostly the scholars

Going back to golem cores, they don’t run on nothing, they have to be maintained and kept full of energy, so they have to do stuff we do like eating. However outside of that, golems can theoretically live forever so long as they keep their cores maintained. And even if their bodies are destroyed, if the core is left intact then the golem can come back (though I’m not sure how they keep their energy in core form. Perhaps some sort of energy wells that other golems have to maintain?), and maybe you could even revive a golem if you can jumpstart their core again (but I’m not sure if I’m keeping that)

This also means that there are some golems who are absolutely ancient, and there are some that scholars have dated back to their earliest existence. However, they cannot easily get answers from these old golems, as basically the golems became more sentient over time. The original golems can’t even speak and just mechanically do tasks, and the early ones that can don’t show any signs of real thought, just that they report the results of their task. The older ones are more like machines, while the current ones are more like people

As for where the golem cores come from, well I’m thinking that there are certain old golems that were made specifically to create more golem cores by their original masters, and they still follow those roles, and so this is where the newer golems get theirs. Other golems have tried to create their own cores but they can’t seem to get it quite right, the magic those old golems use to make them is something they can’t quite comprehend. Though to be honest, I might change it since the golem cores are essentially like the soul of a golem, and theoretically putting one in another body still gets you the old golem. I mean maybe they simply change and evolve as they grow older, their cores changing from a blank slate to something concrete, but I’m not sure yet

Also I call them golems, but they probably look relatively organic and don’t have a set uniform look. The older ones look more like the ones we know, but not so much the current ones, they can look like whatever

But yeah that’s just a thing I’ve been thinking about that I wanted to share. I just thought it was neat. Maybe I’ll draw characters sometime, but I don’t have any concrete ones yet

[emmy-dekarios-bg3]

Heart of the Weave - chapter 14

We all gather outside in the yard, thrilled about the upcoming fireworks we are about to light off, though I imagine no one is quite as excited as Karlach is. The woman could live in Whizbangs. The point of the fireworks? To celebrate our lives, how we made it, and new beginnings for everyone. The sky is flourishing beautifully with an aura of magenta and violet as the sun begins to rest.

Gale finally makes his way outside with Jenevelle in his arms, ready to socialize and get this party started. He smiles at me as he walks in my direction, his brown eyes darkening from the sleeping sun. The sky is getting darker every second, and during those seconds I can sense Karlach about to explode from the intensity of her excitement. Another reason why I’m glad her engine is fully repaired.

“Well, the baby is changed and we’re good to go. Now Karlach, try to light them up a few more feet away. I don’t want to scare Jenevelle when you set them off,” Gale alerts her. She ecstatically dances as she’s about to set off her first firework of the night, followed by a chaotic laugh from her enjoyment of the first spark.

“Ah, don’t worry pal! I’ve got you. However, I will say I believe she’s going to be a lot like aunty Karlach. The human version of course, in case that wasn’t clear.”

“You know what? I wouldn’t hate that, actually. It would make our days rather exciting.” His gaze is toward me, a cheeky smile still glowing on his face. My favorite smile. That very one that made me fall in love with him the first time I saw it. The one he gave me when I was giving birth to Jenevelle. He proceeds to place his lips on my forehead.

“I go back to work tomorrow. Go mingle with our friends while you can and have some fun. I’ll hold the baby and will let you know when she gets hungry.” Words could never express how much I appreciate this wizard; the love of my life through thick and thin. I kiss Jenevelle on the cheek, noticing her admiring the exquisite outdoor scenery. Living in Waterdeep is the blessing I’ve always needed, and while I’m away from where I grew up, the feeling of being loved will always be present to me.

I walk up to Shadowheart, who is drinking a glass of wine while mingling with Astarion and Halsin.

“Hey everyone, how's it going?” I ask, a smile growing on my face as I approach my friends. The vibe of close ones mingling under the evening sky while fireworks are being set off in the distance is pleasing to the soul, and part of me wants to relive this night over again.

“Just catching up! Though, Astarion is just hanging around. I can’t tell if he’s paying attention or just a little too…erm…drunk,” Shadowheart says, observing his face to try and comprehend his facial expressions. “I live with the guy, yet I can’t fully understand him.”

“Uh! Excuse me! I was simply catching up with Halsin.” His voice is slurred just slightly, as if he’d consumed too much boar blood. It’s good to see him happy and more importantly, healthier than he’s ever been since he’s been in recovery from the years of trauma and abuse. He smiles, laughs, and socializes more than he did before while on our adventures. It’s been pleasant to see.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you and Shadowheart are like siblings who need space from one another,” I tease. I also wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve been flirting with each other, but I didn’t want to say that out loud.

As everyone continues to catch up, the sounds in the surrounding area become muffled, as if someone put a large sack over my head. The world begins to spin as my vision becomes slightly blurred. More vertigo. A sinister yet familiar voice begins to play in the back of my head like an old broken record:

The smell of your blood is desired like the carcass of an animal to a starving wolf.

You will be our servant in the Hells, watching the skin fall off the bodies of those you once knew.

Rotting. Stinking. And you will thirst for more.

The voice sounded like Orin, but I know she’s dead. She can’t come back, but why am I hearing her voice over and over again? Why can’t I get rid of it? It’s been months since it happened last, so why is it still stuck with me like a mosquito on human flesh? I blink repeatedly, trying to ignore the haunting voice. Hopefully no one will notice my unusual behavior, if I’m giving off any suspicion that is. I begin to tune back in, the voices and sounds around me are no longer deeply muffled.

“Yep, in fact, my whole living room is covered in duck decor,” Halsin says, and I’m now confused on how that entire conversation started.

“Fascinating,” Astarion responds with the most sincere of interest. No, really. Ducks. I noticed some of the surviving tieflings from Moonrise made their way, including Rolan, but I was so absorbed into the horrific voice that I didn’t realize any additional people had shown up. What the hell is going on with these deep dissociations?

“Hey, you punk ass winners, the barbecue is ready! When the sky finally turns as dark as Zariel’s heart, I’M GOING TO TOWN ON THESE FIREWORKS!” It appears Karlach’s barbarian shout is still intact as it was before, though I’m not surprised in any way. At least she knows how to keep me in a lightened spirit, I’ll give her that.

“In case anyone didn’t know, my wife really likes fireworks. As she should,” Wyll says, smiling and shaking his head as he watches her dance from her excitement.

While I thought the annoying vertigo was gone, I was wrong. It continues to hit me like a freight train, my whole body becoming numb, and not in a good way. Could this be Raphael’s doing somehow?

“Oh Gods,” I mumble, not thinking anyone could hear me. Shadowheart immediately turns to look at me with a concerned expression on her face. Gale somehow manages to hear her from across the yard and heads toward me to stand by my side. I, however, don’t want to feel like a burden, especially since weird instances like this seem to only happen when we’re having fun. I just want everyone to enjoy each other’s company without causing a scene.

“Yes, I’m okay, I promise. Um, just some heartburn,” I lie. Luckily, the vertigo fades away again but the sickening feeling continues to linger in my stomach. Whatever this is, I want it to go away. What’s funny is that none of these symptoms I’m having had anything to do with me being pregnant back when. They were just merely a coincidence.

“You’d tell us if anything was wrong, right?”

“Yes, I promise.” Ouch, it hurts to lie out of my teeth like that. Gale gives me a worried look, and I feel like he knows I’m lying, though he doesn’t say anything. I never lie, so something must have given it away.

“Well, let’s eat and watch some fireworks, shall we?” he asks, a fake-smile on his face but I can tell he’s concerned about me. Damn it, Gale.

“Where’s Jene– oh, Karlach again.”

“Bingo.”

The rest of the evening involved a very blood-drunk Astarion, who had hunted a boar followed by a few glasses of wine, which led to some revealing secrets. Though, who knows how much he has left to confess? He’s been talking for over an hour now.

“Well… Probably my last confession for the evening. A lot of you have probably been wondering ‘Astarion, how is it that you’re able to walk in the sun again?’ Well, let’s just say I remedied that, my darlings.”

“Wait, how?” I ask. “Wouldn’t that involve ascension?”

“Ah, there’s always a loophole, my dear. I ended up selling my soul to the archdevil Mephistopheles. I’m not too worried because I was damned anyway.”

“So, in exchange for you being able to walk in the sun, you sold your soul?”

“Correct! As a vampire, I’m bound to the Hells no matter what, so why not make a deal?” I always wondered if that was true. I remember hearing and reading about legends on how vampires were always damned to Hell, and they were meant to be slaves under the doings of Devils. Astarion pretty much confirmed this was true, and I’m actually happy for him. I wonder how he managed to convince Mephistopheles.

“Well, that certainly answered all our questions. Shit, I was wondering about this for weeks!” Karlach exclaims. “Phew!”

While I am exhausted from the consistent mingling and staying up later than usual, I did enjoy all the company coming to visit to not only see us, but our new little one. Gale and I head back inside with Jenevelle, and I immediately plop on the sofa so I can nurse her and get her ready for bed. As I’m doing so, I begin to slowly doze off; at least until Gale comes to sit next to me. I wake up, my eyes feeling heavy as drowsiness courses through my body, particularly my mind. I look down at Jenevelle, who is completely milk drunk and asleep on my chest. I smile, stroking her little chunky cheeks with my thumb as I watch her sleep. I never want to let her go.

“I go back to teaching tomorrow, but luckily only for four hours a day now. While I’m thrilled to indulge in books and research, along with teaching students all about magic, I can’t help but think about how much I’ll miss you. How I’ll miss Jenevelle. These last few weeks have been incredible,” he says, his voice in a soft whisper. I can’t help but be relieved that his days will be shorter, because I know postpartum depression will hit before too long, and if it does, I’ll need someone to help get me through it.

“At least your days will be shorter and it shouldn’t be too bad. I believe in you. I’m sure your students miss you like crazy and can’t wait to learn from their favorite professor,” I say with a sleepy smile. I lean my head on his shoulder, falling asleep again, my eyes begging to stay shut. He shakes my shoulder gently and kisses the side of my head.

“Come on. Let’s get you to bed, my love.” We walk to our room and Gale takes Jenevelle from me, gets her dressed, and then places her sleepy body in the bassinet next to our bed. She falls asleep almost immediately, ready for a good night’s sleep. Gale admires her, watching her sleep peacefully for a moment, and I can just see in his chocolate eyes how much he loves our daughter. After a couple minutes, he proceeds to get undressed and crawls into bed with me. I’m living on a prayer with my exhaustion right now. The lights are dim and we curl up with each other under the thick comforters.

“I meant to ask you, I could see in your eyes earlier that something was bothering you,” he says. Oh man, I was hoping he wouldn’t bring it up. “I know you said you were fine, but you know I worry.”

“I heard the voice again,” I say, followed with a sigh. “This time it mentioned the Hells, wanting me to be there as some sort of thrall. If not, then…our child. I’d rather it be me.” Gale’s warm flesh is pressed against mine, making me feel a lingering sense of comfort.

“It may be your mind playing tricks or another devil that isn’t Raphael.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if it is him, though. Why would he set me free so easily?” Gale hesitates, just as puzzled as I am on the matter. He may know a little about devils, but not enough to answer my question.

“I’m so sorry. I wish I had the answers to stop all of this and keep you safe.” I place my hands on his face and stare deep into his glossy dark brown eyes. Just for a moment, I take it all in as I look passionately within him. Our souls connect on a whole new level.

“You always keep me safe. You do everything you can to keep us protected. I hope I’m able to do the same in return. I used to be this all-powerful war cleric, and I sure as hell hope I can be that again.” A light smile curves on his face and he closes his eyes, leaning his head onto mine.

“You still are. This time, you’re a mother, and that doesn’t make you weak or any less than before.” His words soothe me, but in a way I haven’t felt before. My eyes slightly tear up as I feel all the deep emotions within me, but in a good way of course. It’s like when a butterfly flies around the Earth for the first time. When the world sees a rainbow after a vicious storm.

“I feel so much better after that. Thank you.”

The following morning, Gale goes back to the Academy to teach, but luckily he has shorter hours than before. Tara keeps me company while he’s away luckily; our baby sleeps a lot. It’s been an adjustment having him go back to Blackstaff, but I’m grateful he’s doing what he’s most passionate about: teaching and providing knowledge to the younger people about the ways of the weave. I am so proud of him. He’s overcome so many obstacles, starting at a young age when it all started with Mystra. Life has been full of challenges for him ever since.

“Oh, the veggies and fruits in the garden appear to be growing well!” Tara exclaims, looking out the window. “Maybe we can do some harvesting. I’m sure baby Jenevelle would love to get some sunshine while we tend to the garden.” I smile, admiring my newborn who lies so contently in my arms.

“That’s a wonderful idea, Tara.” I grab the baby-wearing wrap and place her in it, making sure she’s all snug as a bug. We walk outside to the yard, feeling the warm embrace of the sun. I get on my knees and begin picking all the ripe, fresh foods from our garden. I’m so thankful we’re free from our worries, and enjoying life as we should. After about an hour of gardening, I take the baby inside and prepare myself a delicious lunch, leaving some out for Gale for when he gets home in roughly thirty minutes; I imagine a busy morning leaves him rather hungry at the end of his work day.

After eating lunch, I nurse Jenevelle and notice a strange image in the mirror across from me in the living area, and it looks like a familiar face, though it’s a little obscured. I try to ignore the image and just focus on feeding my little person. As I’m feeding her, I hear the front door open and Gale’s voice saying, “Hello, I’m home!” He notices me on the couch with Jenevelle just nomming away.

“You made me lunch. Thank you.” He kisses the top of my head and looks down at our daughter. “How is Jenevelle?”

“She’s wonderful. She helped me garden outside. Well, I wore her. Still, she enjoyed it nonetheless.”

“Ah, nothing like the pleasure of the blazing sun on a spring day warming up the flesh. I can imagine why she enjoyed it.” Gale finishes up eating his lunch, and then takes the baby from my arms, holding her and admiring her as she gets sleepy. He rocks her gently, staring at her in awe as she begins to fall asleep, not a worry in the world at all. I can’t help but smile, thinking of how good life is now, enjoying it with the two I love most. The void that was once in my heart has blossomed into a field of flowers.

[lkenvs3000semester]

unit 06 blog post

Hyams discusses continuity between the past, present, and future in this quote, highlighting how crucial it is to uphold the integrity that unites all the components of an experience over time. Starting off with the statement that there is "no peculiar merit in ancient things," the quote casts doubt on the notion that artifacts from the past are worth anything just because they are old. Rather, "integrity," or the entirety and continuity of knowledge and experience over time, is what really matters. Maintaining links between various components, even if they are dispersed throughout time, is what integrity is all about. Connecting this quote with our textbook, I think it implies that our comprehension of nature shouldn't be static when it comes to environmental interpretation. Instead, we must acknowledge that nature is a dynamic, living thing that is shaped by the past but is constantly changing, much like history. 

This viewpoint is consistent with the teachings covered in this unit, which emphasize the importance of history in understanding nature. The passage stresses the need of keeping a "memory of ancient things," and this section focuses on how historical interpretation enables us to make connections between historical landscapes, events, and artifacts and our current understanding of nature. It's not enough to simply observe the natural world as it is; one must also comprehend how natural occurrences, human history, and societal shifts have shaped it. As history gives our relationships with nature life and significance, it promotes a stronger feeling of place and community.

I can’t help but think of when I initially fell in love with the environment around me during my summers as a camp counsellor. It was all so new to me, so much so, that these places seemed to belong to me now, existing just if I was present to experience them. However, as time passed and I thought back on my sense of place, I came to see that those locations' beauty had more to do with things than just my presence. They were intricately linked to a greater narrative that began long before I arrived and continued long after I left.

Photo of my Camp during my counsellor days.

The quote's last line, which draws a comparison between forgetting the past and believing that a train station only exists while a train is there, serves as a great metaphor for how people frequently approach the world of nature. I felt this way when I returned home from camp to the city, that the environment simply was less existent, however that is not the case.  It doesn't mean that nature disappears or becomes less important just because we don't continuously see it or engage with it. It is important for us to recognize that the environments we explore have complex histories, whether they be geological, ecological, or human, and that these histories continue long after we are gone. I see this idea to show us as interpreters how to view our environmental surroundings as parts of a continuous story rather than as discrete points in time.

After visiting camp recently I found I felt a sort of "past" connection to its environment, I wonder have you ever experienced a stronger sense of connection to the past or future of nature? 

[toxic-ship-tournament]

ROUND 2 / SIDE A / POLL 2

Esmerelda Poofenplotz x Alice Luoja (@cantdanceflynn) vs Res x Leo (@adanaac)

who makes up your ship?:

Esmeralda Poofenplotz(Canon Phineas and Ferb character(although I draw her differently from canon)) and Alice Luoja(Background character turned Phineas and Ferb oc)

why does your ship deserve to be considered the most toxic?:

THEY BASICALLY STARTED OUT AS TWO DUMBASS TOXIC AF TEENAGERS GOING TO EVIL SCIENCE HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER AND BEING THE TERRORS OF THE SCHOOL(POOFENPLOTZ BC SHES BIG ON BEAUTY AND WOULD BASICALLY DESTROY EVERYONE'S SELF ESTEEM AND ALICE BC. SHES WILLING TO KILL ANYONE WHO RLY FUCKS W HER), AND WHILE THEY ORIGINALLY HAD A RIVALRY IT GOT A LIL TOO HOMOEROTIC VERY QUICKLY AND THEY DON'T RLY KNOW HOW BUT THEY ENDED UP DATING. THEY ENDED UP, SURPRISE SURPRISE, RUINING EACH OTHER EVEN FURTHER THEN THE TWO OF THEM WERE ALREADY TRAUMATIZED!!!! A TYPICAL INTERACTION BETWEEN EM PRETTY MUCH WENT ALONG THE LINES OF POOFENPLOTZ POKING FUN AT SOMETHING ABOUT ALICES BODY OR PERSONALITY SHE KNEW WOULD TICK ALICE OFF("YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SAYING YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, BUT THROWING UP YOUR LUNCH LATER COULDN'T HURT"), ALICE GETTING PISSED OFF AND PULLING A KNIFE ON HER("YOU KNOW, MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL CHOP OFF YOUR TONGUE, STOP THAT HORRIBLE NOISE YOU CALL A VOICE"), AND THEN SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN OR ONE OF THEM WOULD FUMBLE OR FLIRT AND THEY'D JUST GO BACK TO NORMAL BANTER AND TERRORIZING PEOPLE. THEY DID CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER, AND WHATEVER THEY WERE EXPERIENCING CERTAINLY FIT SOMEWHERE WITHIN THE STRANGE AND NEBULOUS RANGE OF ROMANTIC LOVE, LIKE THEY DEFINITELY LIKED EACH OTHER, THEY WERE JUST TOXIC AS SHIT AND HAVING THEIR BEHAVIORS EXPANDED UPON OR REINFORCED BY THEIR ENVIRONMENT. EVENTUALLY ALICES OBSESSION W GODHOOD AND HER IDEA OF PERFECTION (ONE THAT HAD ALWAYS BEEN THERE, EVEN IF POOFENPLOTZ MADE IT MORE PHYSICAL) ENDED UP DRIVING THE TWO APART, WITH HOW HORRIBLE ALICES DECLINE WAS, AND POOFENPLOTZ ENDED UP BASICALLY LEAVING AND IGNORING HER AS A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO SNAP HER OUT OF HER DECLINE BUT ONLY PULLED HER FURTHER IN. AS IT STANDS NOW IN THE PRESENT, THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS A COMPLICATED SPIRAL OF "POOFENPLOTZ ACTUALLY HEALED AND REALIZED HOW AWFUL SHE WAS BEING AND WHILE SHE STILL HAD A DEGREE IN EVIL SCIENCE SHE HAD TO USE SO SHE MIGHT AS WELL GET A JOB DOING THAT, SHES ALSO RLY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT EVERYTHING W THE CAST AND HELP THEM, ESPECIALLY MILLIE AND PINKY, WHILE ALSO DEALING W " WHOOPS YOUR EX IS BACK IN TOWN AND SHES NOW BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR MORE DEATHS THEN MOST FULL ON TERRORISM COMBINED, BUT SHE IS ALSO STILL KINDA HOT SO *NONCOMMITTAL HAND GESTURE*, YA KNOW?", MEANWHILE ALICE IS "OH RIGHT. SHE QUALIFIES FOR LOVEMUFFIN TOO. IM ALLOWED TO DENY ON HER ON TERMS OF HER BEING MY EX, RIGHT? BUT ALSO IM STILL GONNA INVITE HER TO OUR MEETINGS AND ALSO OFFER TO LET HER " LEAD" THE CULT IVE MADE THAT CONSISTS BASICALLY JUST OF MY VERY ABUSED OWN SON AND A VERY ABUSED TEENAGER WITH ME BC IF I CAN CHANGE HER MIND I CAN CHANGE ANYONES!"

ship tags/playlists/pinterest boards?:

Esmeralice, https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLnP0Xop8gS5VdFNCP4Uetvq2pM5A9NZTe <- BAD PLAYLIST BY MY STANDARDS OF USUALLY A HUNDRED SONGS AT LEAST BUT ITLL DO FOR NOW

****

who makes up your ship?:

Res and Leo

why does your ship deserve to be considered the most toxic?:

Leo can’t remember anything that has happened to him before the age of twelve. All anyone knows is that he was in an accident that should have killed him, then he returned with an indestructible body and a void where his personality should be. He cannot comprehend good or evil, does not understand the concept known as ‘choice’, and cannot envision an existence where Res isn’t his Master. He imprinted onto Res the moment he met the other man and pushed himself into Res’ life without considering whether or not Res might want it. His first Master did not pass, he simply changed how he looked, and what he looks like now is Res. Period. He has nothing to offer, nothing to say, no emotions and no heart to give. All he knows are the facts, and the facts tell him that there is no Leo without Res. So he’ll make sure that there’s no Res without Leo. Res has always been very into science, but he isn’t too fond of how there are a bit too many restrictions on the experiments he can perform, and he’s even less fond of how they die whenever he tries some of his more ‘exciting’ stuff. Thankfully he has Leo, his little obedient puppy who will obey his every word and donate his body for research. Of course, he’s never asked him whether he was okay with that, but signing a consent form is so old school. He believes that we should be doers, not dreamers, and he’s always wanted to see what the insides of Leo’s body looked like. And all the resistance it’s putting up just makes it all the more exciting. Leo spells unending excitement, and that’s all the reason Res needs to make sure no one else has him. Res is life, but he is not Leo’s purpose for living, because Leo has not questioned whether or not life has a purpose. He doesn’t need to. Res is Leo’s Master, and Leo’s Master is the very concept of life itself. Without his Master, the earth does not spin, and the sun does not shine. Why would it be anything else? Leo is not a person, he is Res’ dream. The dream of a creature that would do nothing but obey his every word, and the dream of an anomaly that he could endlessly explore without an expiration date. A thing that Res will never get bored of. To Res, Leo is just an adorable lab rat who happens to be the only one in the world who can fulfill his dreams. He does not care for Leo, the person, because Leo is not a person, but he does care about Leo, the humanoid playground that belongs to Res, and Res alone. This is love, because love is when someone makes your heart race, and love is when someone makes you feel like you’re free-falling into obsession. Res loves him, loves him, loves him loves him loves himloveshim. Just as we don’t get emotionally attached to the oxygen that keeps our heart beating, Leo does not get emotionally attached to Res, and he doesn’t need to. This isn’t love, it’s something more than that. Love can change, fade and evolve- it’s fickle, fleeting and easily manipulated. What Leo and Res have is a constant. Res belongs with Leo, and Leo belongs with Res. Don’t argue with the facts. Because you’re wrong, and Leo will make sure you know you’re wrong, no matter who you are. It’s a good thing they’re with each other, and no one else. (Leo is Uno's oc, Res is Canada's oc. Above description written by Uno. Canada's description below) They're basically like those AITA stories where both are the asshole and its a good thing they're together and making each other worse. btw Res is the short pink one and Leo is the tall one.

ship tags/playlists/pinterest boards?:

[medievaljedi]

I’ve been thinking about the Bicameral Mind and AI and I think Joyce is on to something, sort of. Which is to say that the noticed pattern is there, but he doesn’t interpret it quite right.

What I see in these stories that are used to describe a “bicameral mind” is something a bit more interesting. The stories themselves are extremely interesting because they seem to take everything that happens *literally*. Ares doesn’t just show up as a voice in some person’s brain. He isn’t just heard. He’s not even just seen and heard. He participated in the battle to the point of not only killing people, but being wounded and bleeding. Abraham doesn’t just hallucinate god, but makes god a literal meal that he (and his companions) eat. Zeus is literally born, is literally a baby who cries and who can be killed.

Even heaven and the afterlife are extremely literal. Hades is underground, and in fact can be visited through caves. Olympus is a mountain. The gods and the spirits of the dead eat and drink. Plato actually warns followers not to drink from the well of Lethe so they can remember who they were when reborn. Persephone is condemned to hades for every seed of a pomegranate she ate in Hades.

The people writing this stuff are taking everything that happens in these stories quite literally. The gods literally eat and drink, get wounded, live in physical bodies in physical places. The dead likewise live underground (where they were buried) in a place that, being underground can be visited through caves. This is very concrete thinking, and the beings thought about are concrete beings.

So my thought is that it doesn’t have to be a hallucination at all. It’s simply that in the era when these stories were first recorded, the people writing them cannot fathom anything beyond actual physical realities of life on earth. They cannot think abstractly. Life after death is literally that — a continuation of exactly what happens on Earth, complete with eating and drinking and in a physical world that while underground, isn’t that much different than life above ground. They write their gods as physically showing up because they can’t really conceive of a being that doesn’t audibly speak, and can’t comprehend one that doesn’t have a physical body much like a human does. They can’t understand the idea of an abstract reality where god or the gods are simply spirits that don’t have real bodies. They can’t conceive of a dead sprite who is just floating around.

What I think people miss is just how much our understanding of the universe has changed even since then. Our minds have learned to think about abstractions, and then to think about abstractions abstractly. When we still worked with machines directly, the idea was create a device to directly do one thing. A machine to make one type of part. Later we created a machine that we could give direct instructions to so it could do lots of things (and most people use a pocket version to play candy crush). AI is a step farther into meta cognition— not only are we not directly creating the thing, nor are we building something to create the thing, we’re not even creating a device we can give instructions to to make the thing. AI is creating a thing that we teach to understand things and thus it can figure out for itself how to make things.

In the year 1000 BC, everything was on a very low level, directly experienced by sight, smell, touch, etc. You raised sheep, and your idea of math was counting sheep adding new lambs and subtracting those eaten by lions. There was no need for a deeper understanding of that. Real things do real things. Once you get into having a government, you need to think abstractly, begin to use numbers to keep track of taxes, people, goods, and so on. As society gets more complex, you need to be able to think more and more abstractly. Not just taxes paid, but anticipating trends like weather, military activity, trade. Eventually as science answers more questions, you not only need to anticipate but shape events.

[anti-mf]

I take accountability for destroying my own home because for the most part, it was my decision.

However what's been damaged beyond repair was publicising what's meant to be private. It wasn't simply about selling provocative media, but by doing so it cheapened the love and the bond that I once thought was sacred.

Those feelings I had for the twin flame were not treated like it was a privilege or, a rare gift even. It was milked for personal gain and inflating someone's ego.

And i couldn't recover from that, from how i feel disgusted with myself that I left a marriage to be treated like a mere product, an object for any filthy creep to look at.

I was barely human and my love for meaning, and passion stopped existing. I was existing like an empty shell for months. When I could finally forgive and start to let the hell in my chest freeze over with thin ice, instead of handling it with care while my heart's still fragile, this mf went canonball dive right back into it and act like he's entitled to have me do anything he wants and dares to think i’m still keen to worship that idol in his pants and be a side piece. Hell fucking no. How can i even love someone who’s treated me like i’m a cum stained dvd that’s been passed around? And also, what kind of woman is desperate for a dick like that? I mean woman… don’t reward bad behavior, come on. This man went to great lengths (breaking down another man’s house) to cheat on you and the response to that is to love him harder? I have nothing else to say to that, It’s not a win, that is just sad.

How can I not get enraged when this unrestrained perversion was exactly what destroyed me? How much more oblivious and brazen can he be, can’t he see that there’s already too much damage done ever since this happened and it’s barely even healed yet? What in God’s green earth makes him think I want to head back in his direction after how careless he’s been with my heart. He’s been careless, has been continuing to do so and I have no hope at all he’ll adjust the way he handles me.

The way I see it, he only wants to get what he wants out of this, not because he loves me but because he only loves the idea of me - he’s doesn’t even know what love is and has no clue how to actually give a fuck (other than doing it literally). I need love that’s considerate, that wouldn’t keep pushing me to do anything that sets my mental health downhill or keeps breaking my spirit. Feelings are no longer mutual, and I’ve grown weary of manipulative tactics, actions that don’t align with words. It’s happened too many times to see a pattern and i won’t tolerate it anymore.

I won't ever rub shoulders with a person who cannot comprehend how it is a privilege and a godsend to gain that kind of affection from me under those circumstances.

I don't even want to look at the person that doesn't understand how grave of a crime that was to treat me like that. Someone who's incapable of treasuring my heart, my body and soul doesn't deserve anymore of my energy.

I keep finding men whose “love” is like stepping on my toes. It should be obvious that it hurts by the way I reacted. Instead of taking their foot off (change their actions to stop causing that same pain), they still can’t realize that they still have their foot on it and simply believe i’m not hurting anymore just because I stopped cringing, when really all that’s happened is that I’ve gone numb from getting stepped on for too long.

I need someone who can be aware when he’s hurting me and immediately takes that foot off - and this is not it. The thing about a broken spirit and a broken heart is that you can’t see that it’s damaged. If someone broke a leg, you won’t force them to go run again. It takes time to recover and reach a certain milestone before it can pick up on life as per normal, yet here I am dealing with idiots telling me to go swinging to feel better.

Lust was what severely injured me and being creative about stepping or adding another foot on it is not going fix this. It needs to be cut out indefinitely.

The same consideration of a physical injury should be observed as well for a spiritual one but honestly, there’s no effort put into it at all and it’s too exhausting to argue or try to reason with stupidity. I’m leaving because that seems to be the only option available to not get hurt by it even more. I’m not sticking around to keep feeding the flames of hell.

you killed the love i felt for you