#I like simply can’t comprehend how much it changed my life

[kacievvbbbb]

So the thing is with Shinsou and his place in the ErasMic family he is so middle child coded to me. Like he just has so much middle child energy it’s insane.

Like my two most favorite ErasMic fics; Wards of AU by FeckedSpectrum (one of the all time pieces of literature I have read truly) and A Heart Grows Fonder by Laroyena both have Shinsou playing the youger sibling to Mirio and Shigaraki respectively and that’s when it clicked for me. It just felt so natural so easy for him to slip into this middle child role.

And it’s because he has all the bitchy confrontational energy of a younger sibling but with enough of the care and consideration of an Older sibling and so putting him against this older figure he doesn’t have to be as soft with as he is with Eri and he can really develop other aspects of his personality is so natural. H is such a bitchy constantly rolling their eyes sarcastic little brother I love it so much.

And this isn’t me saying I have anything against the Eri Shinsou dynamic ofcourse not I love them as siblings but I don’t know the dynamic just feels powered up when Shinsou’s a middle child there’s a more grown child figure kind of buffering a lot of Shinsou’s more abrasive tendencies so we still get to see that familial bitchy banter. A Heart Grows Fond described it perfectly with his relationship with Shigaraki. Shinsou gets a support system but he also gets someone he can practice his responsibility on without the fear that he might fuck it all up irredeemably because Eri is 6 and can’t pick herself up the way a 21 year old Shigaraki can of Shinsou miscalculates (it was explained so much better) but yeah that’s like the crux of it.

An older siblings is a much less pressured relationship that Shinsou really needs and god I just fucking love it. Middle child Shinsou you will always be famous to me.

[stinmybubs]

"Do It For Us." Pt.4

AN: I LIED SHE IS IN UA CUZ SHIKETSU IS TOO STRICT AND SHE NEEDS CREATIVE FREEDOM.

Summery: quirkless and weak, two words treat have defined this girl for too long. She can be useful to her friends, she can finally carve out a way into the hero life. From the sidelines. But…Izuku has a quirk? When? How? He’s a liar….

M. Izuku x AFAB! Reader x B. Katsuki

Pt.1 | Pt.2 | Pt.3

Being an inventor had opened your eyes, so many possibilities with creating things you realize heros will need. Some quirks can’t be regulated without support items which means you would be a vital part of history!

And some quirks weren’t hard to replicate. In a way you could research quirks and make your own. You had so many plans and ideas to share, especially after taking your first step in your classroom.

You felt your heart racing, transferring a month into school was stressful, everyone already knew each other and probably had clicks.

The support course, you were able to branch off after your main classes into the little indoor laboratories or whatever they’re called to create. Of course of of them were taken, two people in one garage.

Of course you were lucky enough to have one more spot so you didn’t have to walk across the entire school to get to an empty one. The teacher had told you that your partner will be a girl since of your record.

You nervously approach the lab, a box of blueprints and tools in your hands and you push the door open to see a girl with a big smile on her face laughing maniacally while creating her creations.

“My babies will be perfect! After I showcase these babies they’ll have to recruit me and buy my precious babies!” The pink haired girl cheered holding one of her ‘babies’ in the air.

You simply sneak into the room, making your way to the long desk across the room. Surprisingly it was empty, you thought since she was alone she’d take up the whole space.

“Hiya!” You felt a hand suddenly on your shoulder making you scream. “Oh my god!” You drop your box on the desk turning around to see the pink haired girl who had grime all over her face smiling at you.

“I was told a female transfer student will need space! So I kicked the guy who was in here outta here!! Of course I wanna work with a girl! We can create precious babies together! By the way the names Mei Hatsume! Wanna see some of my babies!? Oo what’s in here!” The girl was spouting so much you couldn’t even comprehend anything she was saying, everything was happening so fast.

It kind of reminded you of Izuku.

“Oh! That’s just my blueprints…I wanna see if I can replicate complicated quirks maybe even see if you can like I dunno…change some? An example would be if Mount lady could control her size! It would be super useful especially when navigating a large city with cramped roads. Mount lady would-“ you cut yourself off as you saw the girl listening intently, you face flushing realizing you were rambling like Izuku normally would.

“That’s a brilliant idea! Me and you are gonna get along just fine! You’re also just in time for the sports festival! It’s literally in 2 days!” She cheered helping you set up your side of the room.

Mei was a doll, you loved her bright energy and her ability to create was grand! You two spent the day going over blue prints and possible tools you could bring to the sports festival.

This is where you heard that class 1-A was the most popular class right now, the hero course. That’s where you could assume where Bakugou and Izuku was, well either 1-A or 1-B.

“Yeah that Bakugou guy is a real snob!” You flinch at the name, currently you were fetching some history books with a fellow classmate to stock up in your home room class.

“Yeah should’ve known class 1-A would be to egotistical. Only a select few get into the hero course.”

Class 1-A huh? You thought, spacing out at the thought of visiting Bakugou. He’s only a few halls away, you could totally just pop in. But we’re you ready?

“Ah!” You didn’t know what was happening, one minute you were walking with a stacks of books the next you were falling. Turns out a whole group of students starting bombarding the halls.

“What the hell!?” You look around, picking yourself up noticing the group of students making their way down the halls. “They late for class or?”

“Nah, they’re checkin out class 1-A, not only did they survive a real villian attack but in the sports festival they can switch you into the hero class if they see you fit for it. Meaning some kids, gonna get moved out.” Your class mate stated, helping you pick up your books that you had dropped.

“It’s not like I wanna get in so…-“ your class mate continued talking while you stared down the hall. Thoughts racing through your mind. You hadn’t seen Bakugou in months.

I wonder how he’s doing…

I’m just not ready.

The days before the sports festival past quickly, you told mei that you didn’t think you could participate in the sports festival due to your anxiety. She understood right away and told you she will represent your babies at the festival in your steed.

Mei was such a sweet girl, she always knew exactly what to say to you and how to make you feel better. You felt so lucky.

You watched from the area your class was assigned, you were basically the only one there as all the classes walked into the large stadium. You heart raced, you immediately could see the two you longed to see the most.

They haven’t changed. You smile watching as the classes line up to listen to the hero Midnight announce the rules and who’s going to sing the pledge.

“Bakugou Katsuki!” The skimpy suited hero yelled, unexpected. You thought that Katsuki would be the last person to represent a class, due to his very aggressive behavior. You simply watched as he walked up into the podium, hands stuck in his pockets.

“I just wanted to say. That I’m gonna win.”

Oh my god…

Your jaw drops and you cover your mouth, trying to hold your laughter in. God damn it Katsu! Honestly you should’ve known he’d do something like this, his bold confidence was something I’m you used to admire. Come to think of it you were doing fine seeing him.

MaybeI am ready…

But you just didn’t want to risk it, ruining your own life after another episode, you don’t think you would ever recover from another episode. Especially after finding your calling.

As the games went on, you watched the first event intently, seeing Bakugou fighting for first place gave you a rush of your own. You couldn’t help but be internally rooting for him.

Until you saw Izuku flying past the the two boys fighting for first place. Your eyes widen, like in slow motion you saw the boy you admired all your life. Izu..

You stood up in your chair, now you had no clue who to root for! Woah! Izu is so smart…he used the bombs to propel himself in front of the rest of them. He always was the smart one, you know instead of a hero he couldn’t taken the support course. With that brain he could make fine equipment for hero’s.

Your smile fades, how did he get into the hero course..? Only the best of the best, with quirks can get in…

Before your mind begins to race, you quickly calm yourself down, settling back in your seat to continue watching the race play out.

As the games went on, the Calvary battle gave you a good laugh watching Bakugou fly around and angrily yell at his teammates.

You smile as both your childhood friends made it to the finals, Bakugou was fighting a cute girl! And Izuku was fighting a todoroki. Well the only fights you were interested in paying any attention to, you kind of spaced out for the rest of the fights until theirs came.

Well of course you had a very good laugh when Mei toyed with that glasses guy!

Finally it was Bakugou’s fight, of course you were voting for him. Watching as he basically bullied the girl, her quirk…they said it was gravity right. Yknow if I had it I would. Then you realized what she was doing, looking up to see the broken pieces of the stage floating above the stadium.

I fucking love her. You thought excitedly, you kind of hoped this would work, the girl was tirelessly charging herself at your blonde haired friend. Hearing the crowd booing Bakugou broke your heart, not only for Bakugou but the fact that they’re totally underestimating this girl!

One of the announcers lectured the heros booing him, as the rocks came falling down, it was an amazing sight. Woah! The hero course is so…amazing. But with one blast Bakugou countered her attack basically ending the fight there after the girl collapsed due to exhaustion.

You felt a hand land on your shoulder startling you as you realize it was just Mei. “Did you see our babies Y/n! They did so good! Don’t worry if any agencies ask about them I’ll let them know you helped me too! And of course some of them are your design.” She cheered giving you the biggest hug as you watch Izuku step out onto the stage.

You tuned out the world during this fight, there was no way he was going to win. Especially without a quirk. Your memory remembered the time where he told you that he had a chance to get in. Does that mean…? No…so was he not quirkless? Did he find out he had one?

So he wasn’t like you?

As the fight when on, he managed to counter every attack which made your heart sink. Confirming your thoughts as you watch his bones break with each powerful use of his quirk.

He had a quirk? When? Since when did he get a quirk?

You didn’t know how or when. All you knew is that he wasn’t like you anymore, he wasn’t quirkless. A weakling it be pushed around all your life, a defenseless bug to be squashed underneath everyone’s feet.

Or was he just lying…did he lie about not having a quirk? Laughing behind your back all these years as he pretended to be your friend? Your alley? Your only hope? Your mind raced with thoughts you didn’t even know you had streams of tears rushing from your eyes down your face, Mei calling out your name.

Since you weren’t budging, staring at the fight as she Mei quickly rushed you out into a waiting room. “Is everything okay Y/n!?? What happened?” You snap back to reality, just breaking down in tears.

You felt like a fool. You felt so betrayed, your heart felt so broken in that very moment. You couldn’t be here anymore, you couldn’t.

“Did you hear?”

“Yeah some girl from the support course was in tears over this fight.”

“Heard it was a quirkless transfer.”

“I wonder what that was about.”

Katsuki rolled his eyes at the bumbling rumors going around the students, watching as Izuku and todoroki fought.

“Her name I think was.. Y/n L/n?” He immediately perked up, turning to the class that was sitting above them to try to listen closer. She must’ve saw Deku usin that stupid quirk. What a fuckin idiot. Katsuki clenched his fist, getting out of his seat to fines you.

He needed to see you.

At least one more time.

AN: maybe this will be a long term series I keep cutting off the romance 😭 IM SO SORRY I LOVE YOU GUYS Xoxo Stinmybubs

[ticklishthoughts1]

Everything

This one-Took a while.

In truth, I started trying to write it weeks ago.

It’s the first time I’ve had…such difficulty writing about someone. I rewrote it more than 10 times, with 5 name changes.

You know who you are, and you know this is about you. I hope you enjoy it, and sorry for being late Doll

Here goes…

I can’t stop smiling. That’s the first thing, that comes into my head when we talk. It’s hard to keep a straight face around you. We’re just watching a movie together-I don’t mind the film, but you love it, so it’s special to me. My arm is around you, and my attention is split. Halfway you and halfway the movie. At some point, the movie hits a commercial, because that’s how we were watching it, and I squeeze your shoulder slightly, pulling you into me. You squeak slightly, and hug me. Did you just-I glance away, smirking very big already, and look back. Without warning, I dip my hand to your side and start squeezing. You help in suprise, and instead of backing up, start trying to tickle back-It works, for a bit, but I start grabbing your hips and it’s over. I smile, kissing your forehead, and stopping as the movie comes back on. For the rest of the movie, I gently trace your arm and shoulder, sometimes your side, while watching with you. When the end credits come on, I pull you closer, and mutter “I’m gonna get you, darling.” I smirk at the way you squeak, and blush a bit when you nod. I’m still not used to the simple fact that you enjoy this. You catch the flustered look on my face, and cuddle closer to me, muttering something I don’t catch except for “tickle monster”. JEEZ. I exhale softly, much more red than before, and begin softly tracing circles over your sides and ribcage, moving you and myself slightly so you’re on my lap. I grin at your giggling, and the shyness partially goes away, enough for me to mutter “tickle tickle, sweetheart~”. The way you squeak at that certainly helps, and I enjoy the feeling of you against me laughing and squirming, very very much. I’m thinking about this as the tickles slowly get maddening, on your end. I can tell by the pitch of your giggles-and I pay attention to those. I love them. I love tickling you-and I tell you that. I’m smiling so big-until you manage to giggle out that you love this too. I get much more red than before, and speed up AGAIN, trying to get past it. Holy fuck, you’re too much. You’re just enough. I know we both lose track of time, sitting like that. I’m content to do this forever, but then I remember something, that makes you smile. I adjust slightly, moving you back, and pause, letting you let go of my shirt as you had been gripping it for dear life, and lion eyes with you. We stop for a bit, because I get lost in your eyes, or maybe you get lost in mine-one of the two. I exhale slightly, and grin, and start bouncing you up and down with my knee. The yelp of flustered, excited suprise is amazing, and my ler mood instantly spikes. I tickle tickle tickle tickle tickle until you manage to ALMOST squirm away, and pull you back into me. I stop tickling for a bit, just cuddling you, and whispering in your ear. I’m whispering all sorts of things, mostly about how fucking cute you are, and I mean every word. I don’t even care that it’s flustering you, even though that’s very very cute to me-it feels like I NEED to say it, because affection for you is simply bursting out of every pore. Suddenly, I’m tickling you again, and this time it’s much more playful than flustering. I have you pinned against the couch, and my hands are running up and down your ribs and belly, into your armpits, squeezing your thighs. We’re joking, or at least you’re trying to through the laughter. I do all the corniest jokes that I know make you groan but smile fondly, I call you just about every flustering nickname I’ve ever thought of, I sit there, Silent, BEAMING at you because you’re beautiful, and I can’t comprehend how lucky I am. This last part seems to fluster you quite a bit, though I have no idea why. It’s like I befriended a superstar, how I feel with you, and it’s almost shocking you don’t feel that way about yourself. (Continued)

[charliedawn]

wow, I re-read your works on Hannibal family and again I am delighted. it's perfection!! i am getting on my knees and begging for more. Maybe how the Hannibal family flirts or seduces the reader.

Here you go, dear. Hope you’ll like it. 😌

Morgan Hannibal Lecter :

Morgan doesn’t flirt. He is practical and wants to have control all the time. This is why he couldn’t possibly comprehend how anyone could possibly not see love as anything else than another pleasurable exchange between two individuals. He had changed the clauses of the relationship contract for you. So much that you were almost free. Was owning your attention really that bad for you ? Or did you simply not find him attractive ?

Morgan rarely bonds with his coworkers. But, you ? It was an instant connection. He immediately sought your undivided attention. And he even dreamt of you. He had asked you multiple times to be his partner, but you had refused each time. He didn’t understand.

So he had settled for the second best thing…watching over you and making sure you have no other choice than him.

"…Fly high, my little fairy." He blew hot air on your shoulders and chuckled darkly before wrapping his fingers around your throat from behind as you slept—blissfully unaware. "Just remember that I can as easily cut them…"

Peter Hannibal Lecter :

Peter is an attention-seeker and a touch-starved boy with very little impulse control. He’d hug you and kiss you and make you hold hands all the time. And the very moment he is not being cuddled with or kissed ? He’d whine and beg.

Peter : "Pleeeaaaassse ! Y/N ! You can’t do this to me !"

You : "…I AM GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER, PETER !"

Peter *bangs on the door* : "PLEASE !"

His love can be overwhelming and he’ll flirt by…being very attentive to your every need and become a true golden retriever. He’d bring you everything you want, be anyone you want and kill whoever you want.

He’d also be the type of boy to fall in love at first sight. Just saying. He wouldn’t hesitate to tell you I Love You the first time you meet. So, be prepared.

Kevin Hannibal Lecter :

Kevin *kisses your temple and hugs you from behind* : "Hey there, ~cutie pie."

Kevin likes to own things. He likes to be very close to his things at all times and as he possesses his art, he likes to be very close to you and remind the world that you’re his.

He doesn’t give a toss that you are talking to your friends or not. When he calls you ? You better answer and be there before he decides to show up and remind you that he isn’t someone to mess around with.

Kevin can be very tender and loving…but what he doesn’t like anyone to know is that he is also very self-conscious. And if he thinks you are going to leave him or go for another man…? There’s no telling what he’ll do to make you stay.

Kevin *chuckles and grips your hip tightly* "Let’s go home, sugar. You and I are gonna have a loooong discussion about always answering your damn phone when I’m the one calling you."

Hannibal Sr. Lecter :

Hannibal Sr. : "How about you and I get some dinner and then, we can eat near the little pond we both love so much ?"

Hannibal Sr Lecter would invite you to dinner and trick you into having you alone before interrogating you about your personal life and what makes you happy. He’d then make sure to show you his most charming side and seduce you.

He’d also bring you gifts of all kinds from his travels and slowly make you get used to him. And depend on him. Until you cannot get him out of your brain, heart or life. He’d become essential to you and make you crave his love before falling in love with you.

Because even love can be controlled, and he refuses to let love control him.

Hannibal Sr *after he fell in love with you* : "My little lamb…You and I are never gonna end. Not even as Death takes you, I am going to keep you alive. Forever."

Hannibal Jr. Lecter :

"Are you alright, my darling ?"

Hannibal Jr. will firstly try to flirt with you with his gestures. A gentle kiss on the cheek here, a brushing of hands there and maybe a little kiss on the forehead to make you feel his 'caring' nature. He would make you see that he is the best you can afford. And make it his duty to sell himself.

Hannibal Jr. Lecter can cook, read and listen. He can be the perfect gentleman in every circumstance and make you feel like you are the only one in the world. He would listen to you and be your comforting shoulder when you need it. He will flirt by being the best man you can find and knowing he’s the best of the best…will finally allow himself to flirt with you with his his words.

"…My darling. I am deeply infatuated by you. May you grace me with the endless enjoyment of your company ?" *extends his hand forward and tilts his head expectantly* "Please ?"

[aizawa2009]

Safety Things I’ve Scripted for my Teen Wolf x Hogwarts DR!

This is all subject to change and only posted for a reference for myself to use here and there.

🖇️🖇️🖇️

—> I handle gore and fear very well; there will usually be a big bad to fight, in hogwarts or around beacon hills or even anywhere I’m summoned as the acting Mother of Magic. This means I might have to see, smell or hear things that might terrify me, but being able to handle witnessing things like these would make my life a hundred percent easier and less stressful.

—> I am not easily scared nor do I feel the feeling of all consuming fear; again, if I come across something terrifying, I don’t want to lock up and see which one I am from freeze, fawn or flee. I want to be brave and be able to seek reassurance from myself and my own personal strength.

—> I do not easily get traumatized, I handle trauma very well, and I can process things healthily and easily; shit’s scary during a magical war and any supernatural battle! Even with my previous safety features, things can happen, and just in case, I want to be able to heal quickly and process/handle the things that happen to me.

—> I can protect myself and others easily, and I’m never gravely injured or hurt beyond repair; i’m shifting to hogwarts x teen wolf… i’m shifting to battle, no matter how lowkey I’ve made the ‘plot’ and ‘enemies’. I need to make sure in case of anything, I can use my magic to protect myself from danger, and my friends and family. Also, this is hand in hand to the regular precaution of ‘i can’t die’.

—> I can put together context clues easily, solve cases quickly and figure things out almost immediately; i want to be in the know! i need to know actually, to be able to protect my territory. Stiles won’t be the only one making connections and solving cases.

—> I’m not really put in difficult positions, such as having to kill, having to make huge ethical decisions for others, given extreme responsibilities from the ministry; self explanatory, to be honest. Yes, I’m important to Beacon Hills and magical society, but I don’t want too many responsibilities, which will crush my free time and emotional well-being.

—> I don’t accidentally harm others when I don’t mean to, physically, emotionally or even with my magic; magic might be hard to control with how much of it I have! I don’t know yet, so it will pay to take precautions. Also, I hate hurting the people in my life emotionally, so this a major precaution for me.

—> My sense of pain is more muted and easy to control; while I can feel pain, it’s not too intense and painful. It’s mostly a warning for me to know where my body is hurting.

—> I have great comprehension, understanding, communication and listening skills; so many things in life can be avoided if you simply communicate and COMPREHEND. My life isn’t a fanfic, so I would rather avoid these tropes and not have to endure a fall out or fight over a misunderstanding!

—> I’m never EVER cheated on, physically or emotionally or anything of the like; you got me fucked up if you think I’m shifting somewhere to be CHEATED ON. And no, I don’t gaf about your ‘anything can happen once you shift!!!’ Hey, ever considered thats because YOU believe that? Lydia and Allison’s stupid petty drama can stay far away from me as possible. Everybody can see through your narcissistic good-girl not-like-other-girls attitude, Allison. And Lydia’s not even that bad, but her TV show character development is going to take a while in real life.

—> I’m incredibly good at (defensive and offensive) magic; a war is a war. I’m going to survive no matter what, and I’d rather win. I also don’t want to face intense magical exhaustion or have the Nemeton seep or give me too much magic.

—> I’m great at seeing through lies and reading between context clues; again, no misunderstandings!

—> Anyone who has ill intentions towards me and actively acts about them is divinely punished and then goes through a long lasting period of karmic retribution/suffering; UNLESS I don’t wish them to AND they have apologized enough for it.

—> People do not have any gossip on me that is bad or smears my image; as a popular media figure, and someone who’s gone to school/is going to school in a small town, gossip is huge. With so few people in the Hogwarts year and less in Beacon Hills, I refuse to be used as a pasttime conversation piece. The media can report factual things on me and minor unharmful rumours, but nothing that can deface me or ruin my public image.

🖇️🖇️🖇️

[bagopucks]

A group of Michigan Brothers and their tall friend

🤝

A group of Michigan Brothers and their tall friend

From one hyper fixation to the next. If you wanna know where I’ve been, it’s with my music.

If there’s one thing I’ve loved all my life, it’s been music. It has been so long since I’ve genuinely invested myself in a band I felt meaningful or enjoyable. Modern music is not my favorite thing. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but I just don’t enjoy the vast majority. This however, I can get behind. Nothing beats modern rock that sounds like it was pulled from the 70’s. I’ve always been envious of older decades that had such beautiful music, and I can’t even express how wonderful and fulfilling life has felt with the one thing I’ve wished for since I was old enough to listen to and comprehend music. I can’t explain it in a way to make anybody understand, but this music, this fashion, this time feels almost.. like a reality in a way. Like it’s actually within my grasp. It’s something I’ve always loved but I never had the privilege of loving in the present time. Now I do, and the love I used to hold for music has returned at such an overwhelming pace that life feels so full again.

Nothing touches my soul deeper than a beautiful voice and meaningful lyrics. Something poetic and fun. I’ve been an artist since as long as I can remember. I feel incomplete if I don’t have good music to listen to, or a muse for drawing and physical art. Music is beautiful in an indescribable way.

Due to the transition period I’ve started, from high school to college, and a lot of change, my OCD and depression has been spiking on and off like a switch. I’ve been pretty busy these past few weeks, seeing as everybody at work simply decided to quit, so my hours are through the roof. I’d like to take a break to focus on my art and my future for a month or so. Possibly until the new season opens. I’m not saying a permanent goodbye, I promise I’ll be back. I just need some time for myself, and I’d love to explore my other interests some more while I have this past summer as a ‘kid’.

Always feel free to check in, submit thoughts, questions, just talk if you want to talk. I’ll still be on tumblr, just not writing. Though I’ve kept my accounts separate, with this break, I’d like to extend the opportunity for anybody to follow @teddydrawshockey (my first account) if they’d like. I’ll probably continue to post art there from time to time. Requests for art, drawings, anything of that nature is always welcome on that account as well.

I want to give a sincere thank you to all of those who have followed and remained consistent through the few months I have done this! It has been so much fun, and I can’t wait to return to writing soon. The support, interaction, and love for my work was what kept me going. This account was initially created so I could get some of my own ideas down on paper. Then interaction came in, and I decided to make something out of it. I thank all 800+ of you who have followed for the ride. And the ones who popped in every once and a while to check out my works and spam my account. I am eternally grateful, and I do hope you all stick around for my return.

I promise this is not the end, I’ll be back

-Ella

[lifenconcepts]

mrrrow? (how are you?) also. *runs around due to zoomies*

I was wondering, how did you figure out your identities? also what are they? of course it’s okay if you don’t keep track or just don’t want to answer lolz.

I love this question but sadly enough I can’t define my entire identity in mere words! Overall, I just have a basic grasp on understanding on who/what I am after spending a lot of time reflecting on my own life experiences, the way I perceive and feel things, what I like doing, and the sorts!

I only came to use the term therian a couple years back, approx 2022, and alterhuman only this year, and yet have been feeling in-human for way longer now!

as a child I showed many signs of both being a creature, wanting to be like them, acting like them, studying them, wanting to be referred to as such, and seeing myself as one. Specifically what I’m talking about is a wolf. I had plenty of traits that existed in both me and the animal and I tended to gravitate to media of them, also using some variation of “wolf” in my online usernames, and felt an insane rush of emotion when people outright called me a wolf or that I resembled one (both irl and online), and it felt more true to what I am.

lately though I have gotten more used to my human body and I’ve honestly never been one to experience species dysphoria but even now I do fanaticise about having certain animal features and traits (and I still do present a wolf in a few ways and forms, also experience shifts not all that commonly but still).

it just kinda sat with me for a while until not that long ago, maybe 2022 again, where I began to experience strong urges related to birds or wings, and after a few shifts, it quickly became more manageable and now mainly exists as a silly little desire and not as much of an identity and yet I can say it was rather likely because I was feeling mentally stuck and in a true bad shape at the time and maybe a desire for freedom and escape manifested such an identity in me but I don’t exactly feel the same now, still, I do enjoy thinking of flying or wanting to have wings along with also adoring studying birds and looking at them.

Those two are my main ones and other than that I have a few “flowy” ones which sort of fluctuate in my brain depending on either how I feel or what I’m doing, often times, I feel like an angelic being (completely unrelated to angels in most media) and my perception of the world changes accordingly, other times, I feel a bit unsettled and may revert to feeling like a pathetic dog but in a silly way, and physically feel like I have the body of such, but other than that, I can usually tell if a feeling or emotion I’m experiencing is simply a human thing (for example being guilty for failing a promise, excited to do something I love, or curious about a new topic) and if something may be related to my alterhuman self (having traits that don’t match humans (also part of my neurodivergence), desires urges or cravings for things I usually don’t have an interest in, and changes in my perception of the world).

I still am sort of figuring out myself as I go, for we all know, there isn’t a single day in life where we stop growing, changing, and learning - only taking breaks here and there to relax. So even though I have mostly figured myself out for the whole part there are still things I wish to know better about myself and I’ll also likely keep somewhat changing with what I feel fits or doesn’t fit me, and yet other than that, it’s a matter of understanding!

personally I’m spiritual (not religious) and so have an internal hunch that helps me understand and better learn things, being able to grasp a concept and comprehend wether it’s something I should make a fuss about or let go, and it has helped me decide on things that I presume others can’t really do..

for example, I can tell inherently just by focusing on a thought if it’s a mere mortal happening or has some underlying reason- and from then on figure out if it’s due to a natural behaviour like how our brains work OR may be some inhuman aspect, and then figure out how to deal with it usually by invoking some information from previous experiences. Like, if on a walk, suddenly feel a thrill at seeing the trees, and after realising that I’m being overly enthusiastic of such a thing, take a few seconds to think, and recognise if it’s because I just haven’t been outside in a few days and just love the beauty of it all or have a deep connection with nature and feel at home with it all (both of which happened to me at different times).

there isn’t a set guide to how and why some things are so it’s usually always best at figuring out yourself by yourself, but trying to figure out how others did it can also be a great help!

in short, I just focused on the moment and what makes sense for it. Because even for a set identity, certain habits or beliefs or opinions or thoughts can have different meaning and effects depending on the situation, and it’s best to give examples but I hope you understand anyways.

The cause of a specific response can often chance or even differentiate so it’s never as easy as keeping a booklet of “if I breathe, I will be happy. If I see a cat, I’ll pet it” because things can often vary and maybe go differently. One moment you’re randomly happy then the next you’re suddenly sad with no reason. One day you really like the sun and the next you feel like it’s threatening you. One event you really like to look at around at the way people dress and another you are indifferent and are thinking of other things. Nothing will ever be stationary and neither will an identity. Anything can, will, and likely has changed but to figure out what and who you truly are, it’s best to just see what you feel most comfortable as or what you’ve been experiencing the longest and still feel relates to you. Find comfort in the unknown and don’t be in a rush to find answers, take your time, and even if it takes a long long time, it doesn’t matter because nobody is in a rush! Just stay calm, try to be fine with not yet knowing things, and slowly make baby steps into seeing the bigger picture!

Truly, feel free to come to me if you need help with your own journey or ask me any questions about myself! I’ll be happy to talk and help :))

[quibbs126]

Anyways, would you guys like to hear some ideas that have been coming to me the past couple days? It’s not about Cookie Run, but instead it’s sort of based on an original idea which is basically me trying to figure out how to have my own Cookie Run while not being Cookie Run. You know just hypothetically

I unfortunately don’t have drawings so you’re just gonna have to listen to my ramblings

Okay well anyways, so my idea is of these golems made of food, potentially because the entire world is made of food (which isn’t necessary, but it ties me back into the food based works that I love in Cookie Run and my fascination with cooking in video games)

So these golems are made of food, but what brings them to life and makes them different from the rest of the world is their golem cores, which give them life and basically act as their power source. And they’re also born from cauldrons, made with several ingredients, those being the ones that determine their food and general form, and the golem core

Currently in the time of the world, the golems make other golems, and often it’s just the equivalent of having a kid, but they were originally created by other people, and they’re aware of this, considering their creation isn’t at all a natural process. However the golems aren’t really sure who originally made them, since they can’t find much evidence of those creators. But most golems aren’t really bothered by these questions, it’s mostly the scholars

Going back to golem cores, they don’t run on nothing, they have to be maintained and kept full of energy, so they have to do stuff we do like eating. However outside of that, golems can theoretically live forever so long as they keep their cores maintained. And even if their bodies are destroyed, if the core is left intact then the golem can come back (though I’m not sure how they keep their energy in core form. Perhaps some sort of energy wells that other golems have to maintain?), and maybe you could even revive a golem if you can jumpstart their core again (but I’m not sure if I’m keeping that)

This also means that there are some golems who are absolutely ancient, and there are some that scholars have dated back to their earliest existence. However, they cannot easily get answers from these old golems, as basically the golems became more sentient over time. The original golems can’t even speak and just mechanically do tasks, and the early ones that can don’t show any signs of real thought, just that they report the results of their task. The older ones are more like machines, while the current ones are more like people

As for where the golem cores come from, well I’m thinking that there are certain old golems that were made specifically to create more golem cores by their original masters, and they still follow those roles, and so this is where the newer golems get theirs. Other golems have tried to create their own cores but they can’t seem to get it quite right, the magic those old golems use to make them is something they can’t quite comprehend. Though to be honest, I might change it since the golem cores are essentially like the soul of a golem, and theoretically putting one in another body still gets you the old golem. I mean maybe they simply change and evolve as they grow older, their cores changing from a blank slate to something concrete, but I’m not sure yet

Also I call them golems, but they probably look relatively organic and don’t have a set uniform look. The older ones look more like the ones we know, but not so much the current ones, they can look like whatever

But yeah that’s just a thing I’ve been thinking about that I wanted to share. I just thought it was neat. Maybe I’ll draw characters sometime, but I don’t have any concrete ones yet

[emmy-dekarios-bg3]

Heart of the Weave - chapter 14

We all gather outside in the yard, thrilled about the upcoming fireworks we are about to light off, though I imagine no one is quite as excited as Karlach is. The woman could live in Whizbangs. The point of the fireworks? To celebrate our lives, how we made it, and new beginnings for everyone. The sky is flourishing beautifully with an aura of magenta and violet as the sun begins to rest.

Gale finally makes his way outside with Jenevelle in his arms, ready to socialize and get this party started. He smiles at me as he walks in my direction, his brown eyes darkening from the sleeping sun. The sky is getting darker every second, and during those seconds I can sense Karlach about to explode from the intensity of her excitement. Another reason why I’m glad her engine is fully repaired.

“Well, the baby is changed and we’re good to go. Now Karlach, try to light them up a few more feet away. I don’t want to scare Jenevelle when you set them off,” Gale alerts her. She ecstatically dances as she’s about to set off her first firework of the night, followed by a chaotic laugh from her enjoyment of the first spark.

“Ah, don’t worry pal! I’ve got you. However, I will say I believe she’s going to be a lot like aunty Karlach. The human version of course, in case that wasn’t clear.”

“You know what? I wouldn’t hate that, actually. It would make our days rather exciting.” His gaze is toward me, a cheeky smile still glowing on his face. My favorite smile. That very one that made me fall in love with him the first time I saw it. The one he gave me when I was giving birth to Jenevelle. He proceeds to place his lips on my forehead.

“I go back to work tomorrow. Go mingle with our friends while you can and have some fun. I’ll hold the baby and will let you know when she gets hungry.” Words could never express how much I appreciate this wizard; the love of my life through thick and thin. I kiss Jenevelle on the cheek, noticing her admiring the exquisite outdoor scenery. Living in Waterdeep is the blessing I’ve always needed, and while I’m away from where I grew up, the feeling of being loved will always be present to me.

I walk up to Shadowheart, who is drinking a glass of wine while mingling with Astarion and Halsin.

“Hey everyone, how's it going?” I ask, a smile growing on my face as I approach my friends. The vibe of close ones mingling under the evening sky while fireworks are being set off in the distance is pleasing to the soul, and part of me wants to relive this night over again.

“Just catching up! Though, Astarion is just hanging around. I can’t tell if he’s paying attention or just a little too…erm…drunk,” Shadowheart says, observing his face to try and comprehend his facial expressions. “I live with the guy, yet I can’t fully understand him.”

“Uh! Excuse me! I was simply catching up with Halsin.” His voice is slurred just slightly, as if he’d consumed too much boar blood. It’s good to see him happy and more importantly, healthier than he’s ever been since he’s been in recovery from the years of trauma and abuse. He smiles, laughs, and socializes more than he did before while on our adventures. It’s been pleasant to see.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you and Shadowheart are like siblings who need space from one another,” I tease. I also wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve been flirting with each other, but I didn’t want to say that out loud.

As everyone continues to catch up, the sounds in the surrounding area become muffled, as if someone put a large sack over my head. The world begins to spin as my vision becomes slightly blurred. More vertigo. A sinister yet familiar voice begins to play in the back of my head like an old broken record:

The smell of your blood is desired like the carcass of an animal to a starving wolf.

You will be our servant in the Hells, watching the skin fall off the bodies of those you once knew.

Rotting. Stinking. And you will thirst for more.

The voice sounded like Orin, but I know she’s dead. She can’t come back, but why am I hearing her voice over and over again? Why can’t I get rid of it? It’s been months since it happened last, so why is it still stuck with me like a mosquito on human flesh? I blink repeatedly, trying to ignore the haunting voice. Hopefully no one will notice my unusual behavior, if I’m giving off any suspicion that is. I begin to tune back in, the voices and sounds around me are no longer deeply muffled.

“Yep, in fact, my whole living room is covered in duck decor,” Halsin says, and I’m now confused on how that entire conversation started.

“Fascinating,” Astarion responds with the most sincere of interest. No, really. Ducks. I noticed some of the surviving tieflings from Moonrise made their way, including Rolan, but I was so absorbed into the horrific voice that I didn’t realize any additional people had shown up. What the hell is going on with these deep dissociations?

“Hey, you punk ass winners, the barbecue is ready! When the sky finally turns as dark as Zariel’s heart, I’M GOING TO TOWN ON THESE FIREWORKS!” It appears Karlach’s barbarian shout is still intact as it was before, though I’m not surprised in any way. At least she knows how to keep me in a lightened spirit, I’ll give her that.

“In case anyone didn’t know, my wife really likes fireworks. As she should,” Wyll says, smiling and shaking his head as he watches her dance from her excitement.

While I thought the annoying vertigo was gone, I was wrong. It continues to hit me like a freight train, my whole body becoming numb, and not in a good way. Could this be Raphael’s doing somehow?

“Oh Gods,” I mumble, not thinking anyone could hear me. Shadowheart immediately turns to look at me with a concerned expression on her face. Gale somehow manages to hear her from across the yard and heads toward me to stand by my side. I, however, don’t want to feel like a burden, especially since weird instances like this seem to only happen when we’re having fun. I just want everyone to enjoy each other’s company without causing a scene.

“Yes, I’m okay, I promise. Um, just some heartburn,” I lie. Luckily, the vertigo fades away again but the sickening feeling continues to linger in my stomach. Whatever this is, I want it to go away. What’s funny is that none of these symptoms I’m having had anything to do with me being pregnant back when. They were just merely a coincidence.

“You’d tell us if anything was wrong, right?”

“Yes, I promise.” Ouch, it hurts to lie out of my teeth like that. Gale gives me a worried look, and I feel like he knows I’m lying, though he doesn’t say anything. I never lie, so something must have given it away.

“Well, let’s eat and watch some fireworks, shall we?” he asks, a fake-smile on his face but I can tell he’s concerned about me. Damn it, Gale.

“Where’s Jene– oh, Karlach again.”

“Bingo.”

The rest of the evening involved a very blood-drunk Astarion, who had hunted a boar followed by a few glasses of wine, which led to some revealing secrets. Though, who knows how much he has left to confess? He’s been talking for over an hour now.

“Well… Probably my last confession for the evening. A lot of you have probably been wondering ‘Astarion, how is it that you’re able to walk in the sun again?’ Well, let’s just say I remedied that, my darlings.”

“Wait, how?” I ask. “Wouldn’t that involve ascension?”

“Ah, there’s always a loophole, my dear. I ended up selling my soul to the archdevil Mephistopheles. I’m not too worried because I was damned anyway.”

“So, in exchange for you being able to walk in the sun, you sold your soul?”

“Correct! As a vampire, I’m bound to the Hells no matter what, so why not make a deal?” I always wondered if that was true. I remember hearing and reading about legends on how vampires were always damned to Hell, and they were meant to be slaves under the doings of Devils. Astarion pretty much confirmed this was true, and I’m actually happy for him. I wonder how he managed to convince Mephistopheles.

“Well, that certainly answered all our questions. Shit, I was wondering about this for weeks!” Karlach exclaims. “Phew!”

While I am exhausted from the consistent mingling and staying up later than usual, I did enjoy all the company coming to visit to not only see us, but our new little one. Gale and I head back inside with Jenevelle, and I immediately plop on the sofa so I can nurse her and get her ready for bed. As I’m doing so, I begin to slowly doze off; at least until Gale comes to sit next to me. I wake up, my eyes feeling heavy as drowsiness courses through my body, particularly my mind. I look down at Jenevelle, who is completely milk drunk and asleep on my chest. I smile, stroking her little chunky cheeks with my thumb as I watch her sleep. I never want to let her go.

“I go back to teaching tomorrow, but luckily only for four hours a day now. While I’m thrilled to indulge in books and research, along with teaching students all about magic, I can’t help but think about how much I’ll miss you. How I’ll miss Jenevelle. These last few weeks have been incredible,” he says, his voice in a soft whisper. I can’t help but be relieved that his days will be shorter, because I know postpartum depression will hit before too long, and if it does, I’ll need someone to help get me through it.

“At least your days will be shorter and it shouldn’t be too bad. I believe in you. I’m sure your students miss you like crazy and can’t wait to learn from their favorite professor,” I say with a sleepy smile. I lean my head on his shoulder, falling asleep again, my eyes begging to stay shut. He shakes my shoulder gently and kisses the side of my head.

“Come on. Let’s get you to bed, my love.” We walk to our room and Gale takes Jenevelle from me, gets her dressed, and then places her sleepy body in the bassinet next to our bed. She falls asleep almost immediately, ready for a good night’s sleep. Gale admires her, watching her sleep peacefully for a moment, and I can just see in his chocolate eyes how much he loves our daughter. After a couple minutes, he proceeds to get undressed and crawls into bed with me. I’m living on a prayer with my exhaustion right now. The lights are dim and we curl up with each other under the thick comforters.

“I meant to ask you, I could see in your eyes earlier that something was bothering you,” he says. Oh man, I was hoping he wouldn’t bring it up. “I know you said you were fine, but you know I worry.”

“I heard the voice again,” I say, followed with a sigh. “This time it mentioned the Hells, wanting me to be there as some sort of thrall. If not, then…our child. I’d rather it be me.” Gale’s warm flesh is pressed against mine, making me feel a lingering sense of comfort.

“It may be your mind playing tricks or another devil that isn’t Raphael.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if it is him, though. Why would he set me free so easily?” Gale hesitates, just as puzzled as I am on the matter. He may know a little about devils, but not enough to answer my question.

“I’m so sorry. I wish I had the answers to stop all of this and keep you safe.” I place my hands on his face and stare deep into his glossy dark brown eyes. Just for a moment, I take it all in as I look passionately within him. Our souls connect on a whole new level.

“You always keep me safe. You do everything you can to keep us protected. I hope I’m able to do the same in return. I used to be this all-powerful war cleric, and I sure as hell hope I can be that again.” A light smile curves on his face and he closes his eyes, leaning his head onto mine.

“You still are. This time, you’re a mother, and that doesn’t make you weak or any less than before.” His words soothe me, but in a way I haven’t felt before. My eyes slightly tear up as I feel all the deep emotions within me, but in a good way of course. It’s like when a butterfly flies around the Earth for the first time. When the world sees a rainbow after a vicious storm.

“I feel so much better after that. Thank you.”

The following morning, Gale goes back to the Academy to teach, but luckily he has shorter hours than before. Tara keeps me company while he’s away luckily; our baby sleeps a lot. It’s been an adjustment having him go back to Blackstaff, but I’m grateful he’s doing what he’s most passionate about: teaching and providing knowledge to the younger people about the ways of the weave. I am so proud of him. He’s overcome so many obstacles, starting at a young age when it all started with Mystra. Life has been full of challenges for him ever since.

“Oh, the veggies and fruits in the garden appear to be growing well!” Tara exclaims, looking out the window. “Maybe we can do some harvesting. I’m sure baby Jenevelle would love to get some sunshine while we tend to the garden.” I smile, admiring my newborn who lies so contently in my arms.

“That’s a wonderful idea, Tara.” I grab the baby-wearing wrap and place her in it, making sure she’s all snug as a bug. We walk outside to the yard, feeling the warm embrace of the sun. I get on my knees and begin picking all the ripe, fresh foods from our garden. I’m so thankful we’re free from our worries, and enjoying life as we should. After about an hour of gardening, I take the baby inside and prepare myself a delicious lunch, leaving some out for Gale for when he gets home in roughly thirty minutes; I imagine a busy morning leaves him rather hungry at the end of his work day.

After eating lunch, I nurse Jenevelle and notice a strange image in the mirror across from me in the living area, and it looks like a familiar face, though it’s a little obscured. I try to ignore the image and just focus on feeding my little person. As I’m feeding her, I hear the front door open and Gale’s voice saying, “Hello, I’m home!” He notices me on the couch with Jenevelle just nomming away.

“You made me lunch. Thank you.” He kisses the top of my head and looks down at our daughter. “How is Jenevelle?”

“She’s wonderful. She helped me garden outside. Well, I wore her. Still, she enjoyed it nonetheless.”

“Ah, nothing like the pleasure of the blazing sun on a spring day warming up the flesh. I can imagine why she enjoyed it.” Gale finishes up eating his lunch, and then takes the baby from my arms, holding her and admiring her as she gets sleepy. He rocks her gently, staring at her in awe as she begins to fall asleep, not a worry in the world at all. I can’t help but smile, thinking of how good life is now, enjoying it with the two I love most. The void that was once in my heart has blossomed into a field of flowers.

[lkenvs3000semester]

unit 06 blog post

Hyams discusses continuity between the past, present, and future in this quote, highlighting how crucial it is to uphold the integrity that unites all the components of an experience over time. Starting off with the statement that there is "no peculiar merit in ancient things," the quote casts doubt on the notion that artifacts from the past are worth anything just because they are old. Rather, "integrity," or the entirety and continuity of knowledge and experience over time, is what really matters. Maintaining links between various components, even if they are dispersed throughout time, is what integrity is all about. Connecting this quote with our textbook, I think it implies that our comprehension of nature shouldn't be static when it comes to environmental interpretation. Instead, we must acknowledge that nature is a dynamic, living thing that is shaped by the past but is constantly changing, much like history. 

This viewpoint is consistent with the teachings covered in this unit, which emphasize the importance of history in understanding nature. The passage stresses the need of keeping a "memory of ancient things," and this section focuses on how historical interpretation enables us to make connections between historical landscapes, events, and artifacts and our current understanding of nature. It's not enough to simply observe the natural world as it is; one must also comprehend how natural occurrences, human history, and societal shifts have shaped it. As history gives our relationships with nature life and significance, it promotes a stronger feeling of place and community.

I can’t help but think of when I initially fell in love with the environment around me during my summers as a camp counsellor. It was all so new to me, so much so, that these places seemed to belong to me now, existing just if I was present to experience them. However, as time passed and I thought back on my sense of place, I came to see that those locations' beauty had more to do with things than just my presence. They were intricately linked to a greater narrative that began long before I arrived and continued long after I left.

Photo of my Camp during my counsellor days.

The quote's last line, which draws a comparison between forgetting the past and believing that a train station only exists while a train is there, serves as a great metaphor for how people frequently approach the world of nature. I felt this way when I returned home from camp to the city, that the environment simply was less existent, however that is not the case.  It doesn't mean that nature disappears or becomes less important just because we don't continuously see it or engage with it. It is important for us to recognize that the environments we explore have complex histories, whether they be geological, ecological, or human, and that these histories continue long after we are gone. I see this idea to show us as interpreters how to view our environmental surroundings as parts of a continuous story rather than as discrete points in time.

After visiting camp recently I found I felt a sort of "past" connection to its environment, I wonder have you ever experienced a stronger sense of connection to the past or future of nature? 

[toxic-ship-tournament]

ROUND 2 / SIDE A / POLL 2

Esmerelda Poofenplotz x Alice Luoja (@cantdanceflynn) vs Res x Leo (@adanaac)

who makes up your ship?:

Esmeralda Poofenplotz(Canon Phineas and Ferb character(although I draw her differently from canon)) and Alice Luoja(Background character turned Phineas and Ferb oc)

why does your ship deserve to be considered the most toxic?:

THEY BASICALLY STARTED OUT AS TWO DUMBASS TOXIC AF TEENAGERS GOING TO EVIL SCIENCE HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER AND BEING THE TERRORS OF THE SCHOOL(POOFENPLOTZ BC SHES BIG ON BEAUTY AND WOULD BASICALLY DESTROY EVERYONE'S SELF ESTEEM AND ALICE BC. SHES WILLING TO KILL ANYONE WHO RLY FUCKS W HER), AND WHILE THEY ORIGINALLY HAD A RIVALRY IT GOT A LIL TOO HOMOEROTIC VERY QUICKLY AND THEY DON'T RLY KNOW HOW BUT THEY ENDED UP DATING. THEY ENDED UP, SURPRISE SURPRISE, RUINING EACH OTHER EVEN FURTHER THEN THE TWO OF THEM WERE ALREADY TRAUMATIZED!!!! A TYPICAL INTERACTION BETWEEN EM PRETTY MUCH WENT ALONG THE LINES OF POOFENPLOTZ POKING FUN AT SOMETHING ABOUT ALICES BODY OR PERSONALITY SHE KNEW WOULD TICK ALICE OFF("YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SAYING YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, BUT THROWING UP YOUR LUNCH LATER COULDN'T HURT"), ALICE GETTING PISSED OFF AND PULLING A KNIFE ON HER("YOU KNOW, MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL CHOP OFF YOUR TONGUE, STOP THAT HORRIBLE NOISE YOU CALL A VOICE"), AND THEN SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN OR ONE OF THEM WOULD FUMBLE OR FLIRT AND THEY'D JUST GO BACK TO NORMAL BANTER AND TERRORIZING PEOPLE. THEY DID CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER, AND WHATEVER THEY WERE EXPERIENCING CERTAINLY FIT SOMEWHERE WITHIN THE STRANGE AND NEBULOUS RANGE OF ROMANTIC LOVE, LIKE THEY DEFINITELY LIKED EACH OTHER, THEY WERE JUST TOXIC AS SHIT AND HAVING THEIR BEHAVIORS EXPANDED UPON OR REINFORCED BY THEIR ENVIRONMENT. EVENTUALLY ALICES OBSESSION W GODHOOD AND HER IDEA OF PERFECTION (ONE THAT HAD ALWAYS BEEN THERE, EVEN IF POOFENPLOTZ MADE IT MORE PHYSICAL) ENDED UP DRIVING THE TWO APART, WITH HOW HORRIBLE ALICES DECLINE WAS, AND POOFENPLOTZ ENDED UP BASICALLY LEAVING AND IGNORING HER AS A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO SNAP HER OUT OF HER DECLINE BUT ONLY PULLED HER FURTHER IN. AS IT STANDS NOW IN THE PRESENT, THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS A COMPLICATED SPIRAL OF "POOFENPLOTZ ACTUALLY HEALED AND REALIZED HOW AWFUL SHE WAS BEING AND WHILE SHE STILL HAD A DEGREE IN EVIL SCIENCE SHE HAD TO USE SO SHE MIGHT AS WELL GET A JOB DOING THAT, SHES ALSO RLY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT EVERYTHING W THE CAST AND HELP THEM, ESPECIALLY MILLIE AND PINKY, WHILE ALSO DEALING W " WHOOPS YOUR EX IS BACK IN TOWN AND SHES NOW BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR MORE DEATHS THEN MOST FULL ON TERRORISM COMBINED, BUT SHE IS ALSO STILL KINDA HOT SO *NONCOMMITTAL HAND GESTURE*, YA KNOW?", MEANWHILE ALICE IS "OH RIGHT. SHE QUALIFIES FOR LOVEMUFFIN TOO. IM ALLOWED TO DENY ON HER ON TERMS OF HER BEING MY EX, RIGHT? BUT ALSO IM STILL GONNA INVITE HER TO OUR MEETINGS AND ALSO OFFER TO LET HER " LEAD" THE CULT IVE MADE THAT CONSISTS BASICALLY JUST OF MY VERY ABUSED OWN SON AND A VERY ABUSED TEENAGER WITH ME BC IF I CAN CHANGE HER MIND I CAN CHANGE ANYONES!"

ship tags/playlists/pinterest boards?:

Esmeralice, https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLnP0Xop8gS5VdFNCP4Uetvq2pM5A9NZTe <- BAD PLAYLIST BY MY STANDARDS OF USUALLY A HUNDRED SONGS AT LEAST BUT ITLL DO FOR NOW

****

who makes up your ship?:

Res and Leo

why does your ship deserve to be considered the most toxic?:

Leo can’t remember anything that has happened to him before the age of twelve. All anyone knows is that he was in an accident that should have killed him, then he returned with an indestructible body and a void where his personality should be. He cannot comprehend good or evil, does not understand the concept known as ‘choice’, and cannot envision an existence where Res isn’t his Master. He imprinted onto Res the moment he met the other man and pushed himself into Res’ life without considering whether or not Res might want it. His first Master did not pass, he simply changed how he looked, and what he looks like now is Res. Period. He has nothing to offer, nothing to say, no emotions and no heart to give. All he knows are the facts, and the facts tell him that there is no Leo without Res. So he’ll make sure that there’s no Res without Leo. Res has always been very into science, but he isn’t too fond of how there are a bit too many restrictions on the experiments he can perform, and he’s even less fond of how they die whenever he tries some of his more ‘exciting’ stuff. Thankfully he has Leo, his little obedient puppy who will obey his every word and donate his body for research. Of course, he’s never asked him whether he was okay with that, but signing a consent form is so old school. He believes that we should be doers, not dreamers, and he’s always wanted to see what the insides of Leo’s body looked like. And all the resistance it’s putting up just makes it all the more exciting. Leo spells unending excitement, and that’s all the reason Res needs to make sure no one else has him. Res is life, but he is not Leo’s purpose for living, because Leo has not questioned whether or not life has a purpose. He doesn’t need to. Res is Leo’s Master, and Leo’s Master is the very concept of life itself. Without his Master, the earth does not spin, and the sun does not shine. Why would it be anything else? Leo is not a person, he is Res’ dream. The dream of a creature that would do nothing but obey his every word, and the dream of an anomaly that he could endlessly explore without an expiration date. A thing that Res will never get bored of. To Res, Leo is just an adorable lab rat who happens to be the only one in the world who can fulfill his dreams. He does not care for Leo, the person, because Leo is not a person, but he does care about Leo, the humanoid playground that belongs to Res, and Res alone. This is love, because love is when someone makes your heart race, and love is when someone makes you feel like you’re free-falling into obsession. Res loves him, loves him, loves him loves him loves himloveshim. Just as we don’t get emotionally attached to the oxygen that keeps our heart beating, Leo does not get emotionally attached to Res, and he doesn’t need to. This isn’t love, it’s something more than that. Love can change, fade and evolve- it’s fickle, fleeting and easily manipulated. What Leo and Res have is a constant. Res belongs with Leo, and Leo belongs with Res. Don’t argue with the facts. Because you’re wrong, and Leo will make sure you know you’re wrong, no matter who you are. It’s a good thing they’re with each other, and no one else. (Leo is Uno's oc, Res is Canada's oc. Above description written by Uno. Canada's description below) They're basically like those AITA stories where both are the asshole and its a good thing they're together and making each other worse. btw Res is the short pink one and Leo is the tall one.

ship tags/playlists/pinterest boards?:

[loplainlointhemorning]

have you heard the new pj harvey song i inside the old i dying? it sounds like something you would make!

this ask changed my life oh my god. also yes and I prefer it to the last single!! one thing I do dislike is the sort of gibberish angle of the lyrics- I don’t know how better to describe it, though I know that’s diminutive. i know it’s poetry based & makes sense in the world of the album and the book it accompanies, but it reminds me of Joyce who I’ve never liked much due to this similar style of writing which makes the intent really difficult to comprehend. but I also hugely respect my wife for writing something so completely within her own world/based on classic literary devices that I just simply don’t understand bc I’m not as educated!! she’s truly flourished as a writer & im proud of her even if it’s not relatable for me bc I love concept albums & albums that exist in their own universes. i want her book for my birthday bc I adore her & we’re married & I ought to have it :))))) I’m so proud of her & love her so much & can’t wait til I’m famous & we’re friends lol. being compared to her when she’s so respectable and such a real artist is very meaningful to me, thank u.

[medievaljedi]

I’ve been thinking about the Bicameral Mind and AI and I think Joyce is on to something, sort of. Which is to say that the noticed pattern is there, but he doesn’t interpret it quite right.

What I see in these stories that are used to describe a “bicameral mind” is something a bit more interesting. The stories themselves are extremely interesting because they seem to take everything that happens *literally*. Ares doesn’t just show up as a voice in some person’s brain. He isn’t just heard. He’s not even just seen and heard. He participated in the battle to the point of not only killing people, but being wounded and bleeding. Abraham doesn’t just hallucinate god, but makes god a literal meal that he (and his companions) eat. Zeus is literally born, is literally a baby who cries and who can be killed.

Even heaven and the afterlife are extremely literal. Hades is underground, and in fact can be visited through caves. Olympus is a mountain. The gods and the spirits of the dead eat and drink. Plato actually warns followers not to drink from the well of Lethe so they can remember who they were when reborn. Persephone is condemned to hades for every seed of a pomegranate she ate in Hades.

The people writing this stuff are taking everything that happens in these stories quite literally. The gods literally eat and drink, get wounded, live in physical bodies in physical places. The dead likewise live underground (where they were buried) in a place that, being underground can be visited through caves. This is very concrete thinking, and the beings thought about are concrete beings.

So my thought is that it doesn’t have to be a hallucination at all. It’s simply that in the era when these stories were first recorded, the people writing them cannot fathom anything beyond actual physical realities of life on earth. They cannot think abstractly. Life after death is literally that — a continuation of exactly what happens on Earth, complete with eating and drinking and in a physical world that while underground, isn’t that much different than life above ground. They write their gods as physically showing up because they can’t really conceive of a being that doesn’t audibly speak, and can’t comprehend one that doesn’t have a physical body much like a human does. They can’t understand the idea of an abstract reality where god or the gods are simply spirits that don’t have real bodies. They can’t conceive of a dead sprite who is just floating around.

What I think people miss is just how much our understanding of the universe has changed even since then. Our minds have learned to think about abstractions, and then to think about abstractions abstractly. When we still worked with machines directly, the idea was create a device to directly do one thing. A machine to make one type of part. Later we created a machine that we could give direct instructions to so it could do lots of things (and most people use a pocket version to play candy crush). AI is a step farther into meta cognition— not only are we not directly creating the thing, nor are we building something to create the thing, we’re not even creating a device we can give instructions to to make the thing. AI is creating a thing that we teach to understand things and thus it can figure out for itself how to make things.

In the year 1000 BC, everything was on a very low level, directly experienced by sight, smell, touch, etc. You raised sheep, and your idea of math was counting sheep adding new lambs and subtracting those eaten by lions. There was no need for a deeper understanding of that. Real things do real things. Once you get into having a government, you need to think abstractly, begin to use numbers to keep track of taxes, people, goods, and so on. As society gets more complex, you need to be able to think more and more abstractly. Not just taxes paid, but anticipating trends like weather, military activity, trade. Eventually as science answers more questions, you not only need to anticipate but shape events.

[anti-mf]

I take accountability for destroying my own home because for the most part, it was my decision.

However what's been damaged beyond repair was publicising what's meant to be private. It wasn't simply about selling provocative media, but by doing so it cheapened the love and the bond that I once thought was sacred.

Those feelings I had for the twin flame were not treated like it was a privilege or, a rare gift even. It was milked for personal gain and inflating someone's ego.

And i couldn't recover from that, from how i feel disgusted with myself that I left a marriage to be treated like a mere product, an object for any filthy creep to look at.

I was barely human and my love for meaning, and passion stopped existing. I was existing like an empty shell for months. When I could finally forgive and start to let the hell in my chest freeze over with thin ice, instead of handling it with care while my heart's still fragile, this mf went canonball dive right back into it and act like he's entitled to have me do anything he wants and dares to think i’m still keen to worship that idol in his pants and be a side piece. Hell fucking no. How can i even love someone who’s treated me like i’m a cum stained dvd that’s been passed around? And also, what kind of woman is desperate for a dick like that? I mean woman… don’t reward bad behavior, come on. This man went to great lengths (breaking down another man’s house) to cheat on you and the response to that is to love him harder? I have nothing else to say to that, It’s not a win, that is just sad.

How can I not get enraged when this unrestrained perversion was exactly what destroyed me? How much more oblivious and brazen can he be, can’t he see that there’s already too much damage done ever since this happened and it’s barely even healed yet? What in God’s green earth makes him think I want to head back in his direction after how careless he’s been with my heart. He’s been careless, has been continuing to do so and I have no hope at all he’ll adjust the way he handles me.

The way I see it, he only wants to get what he wants out of this, not because he loves me but because he only loves the idea of me - he’s doesn’t even know what love is and has no clue how to actually give a fuck (other than doing it literally). I need love that’s considerate, that wouldn’t keep pushing me to do anything that sets my mental health downhill or keeps breaking my spirit. Feelings are no longer mutual, and I’ve grown weary of manipulative tactics, actions that don’t align with words. It’s happened too many times to see a pattern and i won’t tolerate it anymore.

I won't ever rub shoulders with a person who cannot comprehend how it is a privilege and a godsend to gain that kind of affection from me under those circumstances.

I don't even want to look at the person that doesn't understand how grave of a crime that was to treat me like that. Someone who's incapable of treasuring my heart, my body and soul doesn't deserve anymore of my energy.

I keep finding men whose “love” is like stepping on my toes. It should be obvious that it hurts by the way I reacted. Instead of taking their foot off (change their actions to stop causing that same pain), they still can’t realize that they still have their foot on it and simply believe i’m not hurting anymore just because I stopped cringing, when really all that’s happened is that I’ve gone numb from getting stepped on for too long.

I need someone who can be aware when he’s hurting me and immediately takes that foot off - and this is not it. The thing about a broken spirit and a broken heart is that you can’t see that it’s damaged. If someone broke a leg, you won’t force them to go run again. It takes time to recover and reach a certain milestone before it can pick up on life as per normal, yet here I am dealing with idiots telling me to go swinging to feel better.

Lust was what severely injured me and being creative about stepping or adding another foot on it is not going fix this. It needs to be cut out indefinitely.

The same consideration of a physical injury should be observed as well for a spiritual one but honestly, there’s no effort put into it at all and it’s too exhausting to argue or try to reason with stupidity. I’m leaving because that seems to be the only option available to not get hurt by it even more. I’m not sticking around to keep feeding the flames of hell.

you killed the love i felt for you

[thecasualstring]

Dearest,

I hope you are going great amidst the chaos we all are living in, and whether you are doing well or not I want to share some of the light that has recently sparked my soul.

Whether I’m in love or not remains a question and I understand your desire for me to be in love already has the power to bring happiness in your life. I also know it would inspire you, but I am too starstrucked to comprehend and declare its love. Or perhaps I am too afraid to confront the enormity of my love and thus I deny that it’s even love. Perhaps I’m too dumb to acknowledge what this feeling is. One thing I’m sure of is I have never felt more complete. I feel more complete than I ever could have on my own.

For the entirety of my life I’ve felt like a dog chasing things, one after another then another, sometimes succeeding sometimes failing. During the pursuit of all of these things, most of which might have been futile to others (they might have actually been futile), I have never felt particularly present. It seems hard to put words to this habit of mine, but I keep working till one thing is done and through most of it I’m not conscious, it’s just my body doing things, even if those things are not related to my career or my future prospects. Even talking with friends its just happening and words are uttering out of my mouth and I’m living but I don’t feel as if I’m really talking, or those choices are my own, they are just happening because they have to. But now it’s not the same, it appears I remind myself often to be conscious and often remind myself that it’s me, who is living this life and when I’m walking I’m not just moving my legs anymore, I’m smiling at the people I walk by and send them my _salam_, I watch the trees and I am waiting right now for the season to change so I can see the colour of the same trees change. I have found that I’m able to read more clearly and remember things more clearly and though all of might seem very minuscule to you, lately I have felt exceedingly confident living my life and owning my life as myself and not just some person for whom days pass by. My life each day provides me inspiration to be more complete.

The question does arise what has changed lately that has brought this rebellion against the conformist and drifting way of my life. Expectedly it’s the warmth of the same light I want to share with you, the same light which in the being of a human, speaks so elegantly that I’m usually forced to question wether this voice is from heaven or not? The same light that makes me breathe a bit lighter, under the influence of which my heart beats steadily. And all of this when I’m only able to hear. When I see, my eyes rest, it’s very rare that my eyes rest unless I close them and go to sleep, but when I look at her, all the weariness of my eyes, from witnessing things I don’t like, all of that weariness fades away. How beautiful is this girl is a question for which the words have not been heard, spoken or even put into existence yet. You must understand the severity of my words when I say I would be enraged if any person claimed that they were able to define and put words to her beauty, because that power rests with God alone. And it’s not surprising that the beauty of a heavenly creature cannot be expressed in this temporary world. I promise you, I have entire claim over my liberty and my freedom and chose to be dominated by her grace. But if things were quite the opposite and I would have been unwilling to admire her as much as I do, I still would have been dominated by her against my choice simply because with her, I would lose all authority over my liberty and my freedom that would have dictated me not to love this girl. Simply put, I can’t help it, with or without my intent, I am only complete with her.

It’s late at night and though if this letter was the only thing I was supposed to do justice to, I would never stop writing. But I know my fate has intertwined with this girl and no matter how much I write I won’t be able to do justice. Therefore, I will end this letter right now in the hope that I am able to rest well and do justice to my responsibilities at my work tomorrow. I am resolute and complete and I will rest well tonight, and we both know the divine reason why that is.

With love

[i-am-tiredd]

Dear Lyney,

While you don’t know me, i know you heavily. You, no. Nobody can begin to comprehend how much you’ve done for me. I know youre fictional, and i know im being stupid, but i can’t begin to thank you. I was on the verge of quiting genshin when your banner came, with something pulling me towards you. I liked your splash art, and i thought the cat was cute. I knew nothing about you back, but i knew i wanted to pull you. I remember it being my last 10 pull, i was at 30 pity, and it was a 50/50. I knew i wouldnt obtain you, it seemed physically impossible, but you came home. At that moment I realized i couldn’t give up on genshin- i needed to build you still. So i did. Without you i wouldnt be here. Even when considering my outside life, you still helped me. I remember saying that every B/A i got would go towards how many cons i had to get from you. I passed that grade with not a single C. I wasnt in the best mental state when you came along. Asorbing content realted to you or your family made my day entirely. I remember feeling so disconnected from reality i wanted to find a way to travel to Genshin. Quite stupid, and now i realize you probably wouldn’t even notice me. The idea of being obsessed with you in the same reality slightly hurts, kinda cheesy. So, thats why i wanted to get you C6. You’ve done so much for me i figured the only way i could possibly repay you is by building you and C6ing you to the best of my abilty. I will admit i’ve struggled, and it’s taken longer then i thought becuase of me being F2P. Sorry bout that. I suppose the reason im making this is for the very chance that some how fate will give you this. (Okay that sound delusional more like “the very chance that maybe ill realize i need to stop clinging to fictional people”)

Either way, Thank you Lyney for all you’ve done for me. Even if you are simply a fictional character, the impact you’ve had on me doesn’t change. Thank you. <3