#I like keeping actual story elements and plot hooks a secret until we get there in the fic

[allastoredeer]

~Lucifer blanches. He looks around, as if trying to find a sense of Alastor’s words somewhere in the trash-heap he calls a room, before rounding back to him, lips pulling up in disgust. “Are you asking me out?”

“Ahaha!” Alastor laughs, slapping him so hard on the back it nearly takes Lucifer off his feet. “Oh, Heavens no. I’m just proposing we let Hell continue thinking that you and I are,” he waves his hand, searching for the word, “in cahoots. In that way.”~

This is golden comedy right here. Honestly every time I read ur fic I always start wheezing so hard I can’t breathe, u are an amazing writer, hope u know that. When I saw ur last update on the ‘damage control’ chapter i was so excited i devoured it so fast help

Alastor saying he wants to be in ‘cahoots’ with Lucifer it’s so funny to me cause no one use that term anymore, and Lucifer is just downright dumbfounded that they are even having the conversation. I can imagine the shadow rolling his eyes at them, we need more sassy shadow moments, he is so underrated. 😭😭

I love that Lucifer is trying to respect Al boundaries, especially after the ‘incident’ , and doesn’t pry to much on his scars, but now I am curious about what did Al meant. Does he not remember who did that to him? 🥺

Also I am curious about what they gonna tell to the others about their new found relationship. I don’t think Lucifer would want to lie to Charlie, but I also think that it would be too risky to make the whole crew knew they are acting, someone might slip. And it’s not like Al is gonna make it easy for Lucy anyway. If they want to be credible, less ppl knowing it’s best course of action for me.

Last thing~ I really wanted to thank you, cause ur fic really brings me a lot of joy since I recently only been able to find happiness in small things like these , and I I can’t wait to read more🌈

Hehehe, Alastor purposefully refusing to go into depth about their "sexual relationship," and even side-stepping outright calling it a relationship, is what's going to make it all more entertaining when he actually has to commit to the bit. Cuz you see, they're not fucking. They're "in cahoots."

It's different.

(I love Alastor's Shadow being sassy. If it's attached to Alastor, it has to be. I take no critiques.)

😈 Alastor and his scars is something I'm very excited to get into it. I've been thinking about them for a while, and while it may take a bit to actually get the answer, I'm very eager to get there when we do.

The way I see it, Alastor doesn't want to tell the others (as they already know their not actually dating--as he made VERY clear last time), but Lucifer isn't going to be okay with lying to Charlie. Out of the group, Alastor knows he can trust Husk and Niffty to keep it a secret. Maybe Angel Dust too. But he's most worried about Charlie and Vaggie.

Vaggie isn't a good liar, and Charlie's such an open, bright, heart-on-her-sleeves person, he doesn't trust her to keep up the ruse without letting something slip--most likely by accident.

But Lucifer is stubborn. He doesn't want to lie to Charlie, and if he tells Charlie, Charlie is going to tell Vaggie. If Vaggie knows, well, we already know she has a hard time lying on the spot, so if the others see Alastor and Lucifer suddenly "in cahoots," and ask about it, she's not going to be able to come up with a plausible excuse on the fly.

This is all to say, the next installment is going to be full of silly Hazbin Crew hijinks, where Alastor is forcefully enrolled into Chaggies Dating 101 Crash Course, and he is definitely not setting the grading curve. (And maybe we'll even get a bit of HuskerDust thrown in there, who knows. Certainly not me).

And it warms me so much to know that my fic can bring you joy in a time that such things are scarce 🥺 I can't wait to share more of the story with you!

[emma-d-klutz]

IF I were to write a Maribat fic

It would be mostly a played for comedy and drama take on “Marinette picked up this whole Bat thing way too quickly.”

Like, post Miracle Queen, Marinette is just overtaken with so much guilt about Master Fu and is also desperate for a new mentor to be a replacement and a distraction from the blame she puts on herself and the burden of being the new Guardian. She is absolutely sure she is not ready to be in charge.

She calls Damian and asks for an audience with Batman. Damian is like, “Oh, isn’t this the girl who kicked me out of Paris? What was it you said? ‘No Gothamites in my city.’ Isn’t that what you said? Didn’t you say you can’t have our “type” of vigilante in Paris, because we’re too, what was it, overemotional? Is this that girl who is on my com right now? The one who rejected joining the Teen Titans? That’s you? You want me to TALK to my FATHER? I would barely ask him a favor for someone I actually LIKE.” Except then she kind of blows up at him and tells him the situation, and Damian gets real quiet and listens, and he feels a little sick because he’s remembering the Ric Grayson situation and also Alfred’s most recent death, which he ALSO blames himself for, so like... they got shit in common. He says he’ll talk to Batman about a video call.

Cut to three months later, Marinette has just THROWN HERSELF into being Batman’s disciple. She calls him Master. She practices fighting day and night out of the suit, and IN the suit she uses her powers for training and is often seen sprinting for miles or scaling the Eiffel Tower with only her upper body strength. She comes to school covered in bruises and with the darkest circles under her eyes, and her friends are WORRIED, they really are, but she’s like 80% less bubbly then usual, so no one is really confronting her and are just silently wondering what the heck happened. Most people assume that this has something to do with her taking Adrien and Kagami being an official couple really hard. 

For fashion design, well. Marinette has gotten really into armor lately.... huh.  (It’s because the Batfam encourages her to not rely on a magic suit that can turn off at the worse time, and she is convinced she must be prepared to be Ladybug at any and all times. If anything, she’s lamenting that she doesn’t know how to make weapons.) (She got a grappling hook styled like a yo yo as a present from Master Bat.) 

She texts Kagami out of the blue one day like,  >>Hey. Come over. I am in the process of making my masterwork >>Oh and bring a sword >>A sharpened one, not a training sword And Kagami comes over to see a twitchy (”ok that’s pretty normal”) super serious (”well that’s not. she’s usually so flighty and indecisive”) Marinette. And in the place where there was once an Adrian shrine and stalking schedule is now what seems to be a Hawkmoth shrine and stalking schedule. Marinette brings out what looks sort of like shiny silk with jewels woven in, and Kagami’s assumption is corrected. No. It’s a polymerized titanium she synthesized herself with light elemental defense crystals woven in by hand. Marinette is very proud. It’s a prototype. She plans on making a material that can be beautiful formalwear and as stab-proof as any kevlar. But it’s still a prototype so Kagami can you pretty please do some slashing and stabbing on it pretty please? See she wants it to be really good before giving it to her other Sword Friend, because Dami is a really harsh judge, and her motivation just won’t be able to take it if she gets notes from him this early on in the process. Kagami is actually really on board and helpful in this venture. 

She does like indirectly ask Marinette if she’s heartbroken of if she’s with Luka or what have you, and Marinette just gets really harsh and says she has other priorities. She also makes some grandiose proclamation that neither of them are good enough for Adrien, because Adrien is pure goodness, he’s kindness and forgiveness personified, and it’s just... it’s just... it would be really clear to anyone who has ever heard Batman wax poetic about Superman where she is getting this highkey cringe behavior.

She’s on video calls with Batman all the time. They definitely have a conversation that goes something like this:

“I am certain the mean girl from my school is working for my main supervillain.” “Good. You can find him through her.” “Yess! I have been looking forward to the chance. I am going to interrogate her.” “Ladybug, no.” “I am going to tie her up with my yoyo and dangle her over the highest skyscraper in Paris and tell her I’ll drop her if she doesn’t tell me the identity and location of Hawkmoth.” “Befriend her at school and track her movements.” “Ok but wouldn’t it be quicker to dangle her off a building?” “You’re letting your emotions about someone from your civilian life interfere with your judgement and letting yourself act hastily and with negligence, which is exactly how you lost your first mentor.” “Ah....... you’re right. I’m sorry, Master. I won’t be reckless.” “Good. Tap her cell phone.”

As for Chat Noir, he is FREAKED OUT by her change and all the secrets she’s keeping now. And her behavior towards him has REALLY changed. Well not too much, but it’s noticeable in a way that unnerves him sometimes. Like she’s become a super serious workaholic, but she’s also insanely protective of him, to the point where he feels a bit resentful that he’s not being treated as a competent partner. He’s really trying to get Ladybug to talk out what she’s going through, and he’s anxious all the time that she’s on the cusp of becoming akumatized. Honestly, he’s not wrong on that part. He knows that this is all because she blames herself for Master Fu, and he is also aware that she is spending much more time in contact with that Robin from Gotham who they met once or twice, and he knows she’s keeping some secrets, but NO he is not aware for at least half of the story that she is being remotely trained by Batman. She’s telling him to shut up a lot more and bossing him around more and seems to know way more about Hawkmoth’s movements than him and it feels like he’s out of the loop, but she’s also, like, often spewing out how important he is to her as her partner and keeps giving him handmade pastries and saying, “An army crawls on its stomache,” so like honestly wtf mixed signals much

Batman agreed to mentor her temporarily and has been trying to find someone else from JL to take over, preferably Wonder Woman or Flash, because he agrees with Ladybug’s assessment that to be a hero in Paris it is necessary to have weaponized optimism, or Zatanna or Shazaam, because they could train Ladybug in her magic hopefully. He is told several times that it would be easier to get her mentorship if she agreed to join Teen Titans or Young Justice, which of course they all know, so thanks, but Ladybug would def refuse to leave Paris and her partner, so her joining YJ isn’t really up for discussion. 

Flash said that she’s great but that, “She’s SUCH a Bat,” and that clearly she’s so attached to him that she should just stay one of his. Batman asserts that she is only being like this because she is desperate for a mentor, and if someone else took her on, she’d probably/hopefully change again just as fast. Flash says he isn’t so sure, and that at this delicate point in time, being handed off to someone else might, like, retraumatize her or smth. 

Ladybug literally started breaking fingers interrogating someone.

It is on camera.

The LadyBlog is in SHOCK.

No one knows what to do.

Even Hawkmoth sees the video footage and is like, “Jeez, am I... Mayura, are we in over our heads here? Did we break the teen hero? Is this our fault?”

Anyway, those are all my favorite ideas of the ones I’ve daydreamed so far. There is also stuff about how she interacts with the other members of the Batfam and that she uses the Horse Miraculous to travel to Gotham to be trained in hand-to-hand and also to just sob for hours and scream at things because she CAN’T let her emotions out like that in Paris and the bafflement of the Batkids like “you... came to GOTHAM... to NOT repress your emotions. um, k.” And Cass loves her and thinks she is Baby Sister and if someone is mean to baby sister in front of her she will stare into your soul until you are quiet ect ect many ideas. 

The reason this is an IF and not a WHEN:

dudes I have no plot

[emeraldspiral]

Rewatching The Amazing Spider-Man. Never saw Amazing Spider-Man 2, but I know part of that plot involves some reveal about Peter’s parents being spies or some shit and the seeds were planted in this movie and that was always a plot thread I didn’t like. It feels like it’s there just to be a point of intrigue that hooks viewers in so they’ll keep watching the movies to find out the answers to the mystery that’s being teased, rather than something the story is actually about.

Like, I think this was just a problem a lot of movies were suffering from once the MCU got rolling where they all wanted to emulate its success without understand why it worked (or just being too impatient to take their time with it). So a lot of movies forgot that they needed to put forth a good self-contained narrative first, not the groundwork for future installments.

Like, in the first Iron-Man movie, SHIELD is established as an organization that exists and will become more prominent as the series develops, but their presence is minimal and goes toward furthering the story of the movie they’re in NOW. The only thing in the movie that’s really about the next movie and not the current one is the post-credits scene, which is fine because the movie is already over and all the scenes up until then were in service of that movie’s narrative. And that’s mostly how each installment of the MCU has operated. Elements that are introduced with the intention of being payed off in another movie either serve a purpose within the movie they’re introduced in to begin with, or their presence is very minimal and unobtrusive and usually reserved for late in the film. Stuff like a Hyrda agent getting some Pym particles near the end of Ant-Man, or Loki being alive at the end Thor 1 and 2.

But in Amazing Spider-Man the very first scene is of Peter finding his dad’s office ransacked and his dad hurriedly erasing notes on a blackboard and then leaving him with his aunt and uncle before dying in a plane crash with Peter’s mom, implying somebody had them killed because they Knew Too Much. And then the rest of the movie has absolutely nothing to do with that.

Contrast with say, Civil War, where the first scene is of Winter Soldier assassinating someone in a car and stealing a formula from them, and then soon after there’s a scene of Tony Stark remembering the day his parents died, which seems like it has nothing to do with anything, especially after we get an explanation for that first scene that seems to answer everything. But then we get to the end of the movie and it turns out the secret formula stuff was a misdirect while the seemingly pointless scene with Tony was foreshadowing a bigger reveal about that first scene. And this all happened within one movie. They didn’t show that scene of the Winter Soldier executing someone in a car or the scene of Tony remembering his parents in the first Iron-Man movie to make you ask questions they had no intention of answering within that movie.

The Raimi Spider-Man movies didn’t do this either. They had a 3-movie deal and they laid the groundwork for Harry Osborne to become the New Goblin in the third film in 1 and 2, but Harry had a purpose within 1 and 2 outside of being set-up as an eventual bad guy.

Like, there’s basically no reason what-so-ever for TASM’s opening scene to exist because it serves no purpose to the current story they’re telling. They could’ve just started it with Peter being established as a nerdy loser who gets picked on at school, just like the Raimi films. Or if they wanted to differentiate themselves from the Raimi films they could’ve started with a scene of the spider that bites him being created in a lab to foreshadow what’s going to happen to Peter eventually, or open with something involving Dr. Conners or Uncle Ben to foreshadow what happens to them. Just like, anything that will payed off within THIS movie.

I also think it kinda ruins the premise of Peter Parker. He’s supposed to be an ordinary, low-income working class kid that the audience can relate to because literally any of us could’ve been bitten by a spider and got powers and just decided to use them to help people. Having his parents be people of Great Significance and having his life be entangled in something greater than himself because he was born to them kinda diminishes his everyman status.

[jacnaylor]

romance book recs!!

romance is my feel good genre, and it’s also usually somewhat easier to read during stressful times, so here’s a list of some books that are either romance or have a romance element i feel like mentioning.

(EDIT: I STAYED UP TILL 2 AM DOING THIS HELP. this is why some of the comments. don’t make any fucking sense.)

romance books and authors:

CONTEMPORARY:

1. The Bromance bookclub series by Lyssa Kay Adams (A group of men form a bookclub dedicated to romance books in order to understand women, improve their relationships and become better men. It’s funny, cute, and all about dismantling toxic masculinity one romance book at a time)

2. Mariana Zapata books (The queen of slowburn romance. The only book I’ve read by her is ‘Under Locke’, but ‘From Lukov with love’ and ‘Kulti’ have rave reviews. There is so much build up and SO much sexual tension with a great pay off)

3. Milly Johnson books (A uk author whose books are primarily set in the north, these are total feel good books. Not so much graphic and more romantic, but her characters are great and her plot lines really hook you in.)

4. The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren (Super cute, quick enemies-to-lovers story about a bridesmaid who has to go on a honeymoon with the best man when the bride and groom get food poisoning. Obviously this means the holy of holies: fake relationship!)

5. Well met by Jen De Luca (Oh my gosh! Super fun, the characters are just wonderful especially our heroine. A hate-to-love romance set at a renaissance fair! All about overcoming the limits you set on yourself and rethinking your first impressions.)

6. Katherine Center books (My personal favourites are ‘How to walk away’ about a woman who falls for her PT after a near fatal plane crash. And ‘Happiness for beginners’ about a woman taking part in a wilderness trail with her brothers annoying best friend. She writes such great plots and you really feel all the emotions!)

7. Mhairi Mcfarlane books (my personal favourites are ‘Here’s looking at you’ about a woman who comes face to face with her high school bully years later - only he doesn’t recognize her. And he’s not awful? Don’t worry. I know how that synopsis sounds. He’s not excused his actions, but you also understand how he’s grown and changed. It definitely gets you in the feels though. As does ‘You had me at hello’ Which is about a couple from university meeting again years later. God this woman can write angst and yearning!!)

8. A part of me by Anouska Knight (On the same day she and her husband have been accepted into the adoption process, their marriage implodes. This has such a cute romance which follows hate-to friends- to love and it’s v funny)

9. Southern Eclectic series by Molly harper (Just as it sounds. Southern small town romance with a great, quirky cast of characters)

10. Maggie’s man by Lisa Gardner (writing as Alicia Scott) (An escaped convict kidnaps a woman from the courthouse to act as his hostage whilst he tries to prove his innocence. Surprisingly funny and warm. Maggie as a heroine is an absolute joy. They’re sort of chaotic together and it’s a wild ride.)

11. The Mister by E.L James (LISTEN OK - SIT BACK DOWN - It’s not winning awards but it’s actually decent! I was skeptical, but I will admit I was won over. I mean parts are cheesy but it’s so addictive. Basically a rich man falls for his cleaning lady - but it’s also about the yearning. It’s also quite action packed as there’s danger, drama and a chase across europe to get the girl.)

12. RECENT Colleen Hoover (Now, you may enjoy older CH books. Personally I find them very problematic. Now I’ve really enjoyed her recent books though. Especially ‘Without Merit’ and ‘It ends with us’ and ‘Regretting you’. High angst, high drama, dark topics for all of her books. But you can tell she’s matured with her writing. She isn’t for everyone but they’re addictive, fast paced reads.

13. The Austenland duology by Shannon Hale (You might have seen the Austenland movie - The cutest, cheesiest, sweetest, campiest movie ever. Well there’s a book! It’s about women who go on a holiday and live their own Jane Austen story with actors. The first book leans towards Pride and Prejudice and Mansfield park. The second book is more Northanger abbey and Emma.

14. Brigid Kemmerer contemporaries (She is an auto-buy author for me, especially her contemporaries. She writes the best teenage characters, the best teenage boys I’ve ever read about. Her characters are real, she writes about kids trying their best, struggling, and being good, and kind, and the world not being kind to them. Usually the books have a pov from both the female and male love interest. I would rec any of them tbh. ‘Letters to the lost’ comes before it’s companion novel ‘More than we can tell’. I loved ‘Call it what you want’ with has modern Robin Hood elements!!!! seriously she is my favourite YA contemporary author.

15. Sophie Kinsella books (If you haven’t picked up her stand alone novels then what are you doing???? she is the queen!!!! Personal favourites are ‘Can you keep a secret’ and ‘I’ve got your number)

16. A quiet kind of thunder by Sara Barnard (I love her ok. Her books are short and sweet but she packs a punch. TBH these aren’t primarily romance, they’re more just about teenage girls but this one has a good romance element so I’m putting it on here. It’s about Steffi, a selective mute who sometimes communicates with basic sign language who is assigned to look after the new boy at school Rhys, who is deaf.)

17. Meet me at the museum by Anne Youngson (GORGEOUS! moving, tender. A lonely housewifes strikes up a correspondence with a widowed museum curator in Denmark. Oh gosh. I just love this one. It’s about friendship, love, grief, second chances, the choices we make. Seriously love this one and it’s not that long.)

FANTASY:

1. Sorcery of thorns by Margaret Rogerson (Elisabeth has grown up in the great library, protecting grimoires with powers and fearing sorcerers. When a dangerous grimoire is released, she’s forced to team up with an enigmatic sorcerer and his demonic servant in order to save the world.)

2. Sky in the deep duology by Adrienne Young (A viking inspired story about a warrior who is captured by the tribe she is at war with. Such good tension and it’s also got a lot of action. Battle couple romance! Mutual respect! Hate to love!)

3. The Rose Garden by Susanna Kearsley (I’ve reread this book once but will end up reading it again. It’s a time travel romance about a woman staying in cornwall dealing with the death of her sister who is transported back and forth to the 17th century. It’s a favourite. The romance is wonderful but the stakes are really high too. I also love ‘Belleweather’ by the same author)

4. An ember in the ashes series by Sabaa Tahir (Oh god, the romance. THE ROMANCE! it’s so much. The angst, the pining, the longing. The first book follows Laia, part of a slave class in a roman inspired world. She begins spying in the top military academy and meets Elias, a reluctant soldier. This is a proper fantasy series with only the first three books out, but it’s so great.)

5. Alias Hook by Lisa Jensen (Let me just copy the blurb ok: “Meet Captain James Benjamin Hook, a witty, educated Restoration-era privateer cursed to play villain to a pack of malicious little boys in a pointless war that never ends. But everything changes when Stella Parrish, a forbidden grown woman, dreams her way to the Neverland in defiance of Pan's rules.” I MEAN COME ON. a gorgeous adult fairytale with love and redemption at the center.

6. The Mediator series by Meg Cabot (Obviously Meg Cabot is the most iconic and we stan. But this series is my absolute favourite by her. About Suze Simon, a kickass, no nonsense mediator - Someone who helps ghosts move on to the other side. Sometimes by force. She has to move house and ends up sharing her room with a 100 year old hot ghost named Jesse. The tension. The angst. THE BANTER!!!!)

7. House of Earth and Blood by Sara J Maas (a half fae half mortal girl tries to solve a murder with the help of a fallen angel. It’s a LONG book, but for me personally it flew by. It’s a big new fantasy world but the romance has a great build. Overcoming grief! Being normal together! Being in danger together! THE UST! the characters are so good. I ahven’t been this impressed by a new series for a while)

8. Cursebreakers series by Brigid Kemmerer (yep, she gets another mention. This one is a beauty and the best retelling about a man forced to relive the same season over and over, becoming a literal beat, until a girl from our world can break the curse. The second book, following secondary characters, is my fave so far. But both feature kickass ladies and those small romantic moments BK is so good at)

9. A court of thorns and roses series by Sara J Maas (a fae inspired beauty and the beast retelling. The only time you support a ship switch. Also the secondary ships are getting their own books and oh my god. I’m so excited.)

HISTORICAL/CLASSICS/MILLS AND BOON

1. Jane Austen (The original rom com queen, obviously. Pride and prejudice and Emma are faves. Also I have a major soft spot for the alwayc chaotic and underrated Northanger Abbey)

2. North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell (Actually might be my favourite classic ever. Often described at an industrial p&p. Margaret, from the south, comes face to face with the harsh reality of the world when she moves up north and comes face to face with a brooding millowner. There’s obviously a lot more nuance than that but. THE PINING!!!!!! THE MISCOMMUNICATION! THE DRAMA!)

3. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer (You might have seen the film. Please also read the book. Told entirely in letters. The sharp witted author Juliet Ashton falls in love with Guernsey and it’s characters whilst researching what happened there during the war. Funny, moving and romantic.)

4. The Veronica Speedwell series by Deanna Raybourn (A butterfly hunter foils her own kidnap and is paired together with a reclusive natural historian. They solve mysteries together. They can’t admit they wanna sleep together. The tension.......unbearable. See also the Julia Grey mysteries by the same author)

5. The warrior knight and the widow by Ella Matthews (So last year I discovered Mills and Boon and I have no shame about it whatsoever. This is a medieval beauty and the beast retelling about a woman being escorted to her fathers estate by an enigmatic and scarred knight. She’s hoping to convince her father to let her steward her own lands, and of course trying not to fall for her escort.)

6. The bareknuckle bastards series by Sarah Maclean (A badass, brooding trio of siblings who rule the underbelly of Covent Garden fall for smart, beautiful women. Opposites attract, Good girl/bad boy, strong women, banter. Super fun historical romance)

7. Redeeming the reclusive earl by Virginia Heath (I just read this and it was seriously cute!!!! And book where the hero blushes even once is a good book in my opinion. Basically aspiring antiquarian named Effie barrels into the life of a new earl - who really just wants to be left alone to be grumpy and sad and disfigured. ALONE. But Effie wants to dig on his land. And she won’t take no for an answer. She also talks A LOT.

8. A family for the widowed governess by Ann Lethbridge (Technically this is part of a series but you don’t need to read them in order and this is the best one. A widow who is being blackmailed accepts a governess post. She can’t tell her employer about the blackmail especially when she starts falling for him.)

9. The bedlam stacks by Natasha Pulley (I read watchmaker and didn’t like it but you might like it. This one also FEAUTRES A M/M ROMANCE. I know this list was super straight im sorry. Anyway this is about a botanist falling in love with a priest in the jungle.

10. The wilderness series by Sara Donati (Think outlander without the time travel and also not set in scotland. Basically Last of the Mohicans fanfiction about Hawkeye’s grown up son. An english woman moves to america when her father promises she can be a school teacher there. Little does she know he actually has plans to marry her off. Things get more complicated when she falls for Nathaniel Bonner, a white man raised native american and who’s daughter and extended family is Native American. Like outlander there’s romance, adventure, history. But unlike the outlander books the love interest is a decent guy (i say as if i don’t love the tv show)

STUFF THAT REALLY ISN’T ROMANCE AT ALL. BUT I SHIP A SHIP.

1. The Lacey Flint series by Sharon Bolton (Lacey Flint is a police officer who becomes involved in the hunt to catch a Jack the ripper copycat. There actually is a strong romantic element with the other lead police officer.)

2. The last hours duology by Minette Walters. A novel about the black death and a closed estate lead by a woman who’s trying to protect her people. There’s also a kind of murder mystery. But she also has a close relationship to one of the surfs that I got super invested in.

3. The Strike series by J.k Rowling (I know we don’t stan anymore but. This series about  PI and his assistant slowly growing closer? Becoming best friends and partners? Not acknowledging any feelings for each other?

[mjmnorwood]

[I.D. A header image of two pencils on a yellow background, with title reading ‘Writing a Mystery’. End I.D.]

I love mysteries. I confess to being a naturally nosy person, so a mystery is the perfect plot for me. And because I love to read them, I also love to write them! Here are a few tips I’ve learned over the years for making mysteries intriguing and effective.

Know your plot inside and out.

Mysteries are some of the most carefully-plotted stories out there, and they need to be. The audience will be considering how everything links into the mystery, so you can’t have any surplus plot elements. Mind-mapping ideas and making an outline is incredibly helpful (and it can also be useful to have a second, secret outline of what the culprit is doing to cover their tracks while the sleuth investigates).

It is also possible to pants a mystery (I know because I’ve done it), it’s just that after the first draft is done, you have to put a lot of thought into re-organising things to make your story as well-structured as possible. This can involve being pretty merciless with cuts, just to forewarn you!

Milk your clues for all they’re worth.

A lot of people think of mysteries as sequential. The sleuth finds one clue which leads to another clue which leads to another clue which eventually leads to a solution. However, they are in actual fact a lot twistier than that. To keep the reader on their toes, you want uncertainty and misdirection, and a great place to do this is with the clues. Throw in red herrings and ambiguous clues to keep the sleuth (and the audience) guessing. You’ll find that when your clues are working hard, you don’t actually need all that many—when you get down to it, most mysteries only have about 3-5 clues that are really significant!

Balance your resolution.

There are two routes you can go down when writing the suspects in a mystery: making the audience feel like anyone could have done it, and making them feel like no-one could have done it. Both of these routes are suspenseful, and you usually want to maintain them until the final deductions are made, at which point the most satisfying mysteries make the audience smack their heads as the clues fall together and they realise that only the culprit could have done it and think why didn’t we see this before? It can be hard to make this moment come at exactly the right point, but having a tight plot makes it so much easier (which is why the first point is so important).

Give your audience something other than the plot to be invested in.

An intriguing mystery is a great hook, but keeping the reader invested takes more than that. Interesting characters and settings are SO important—when you think about it, the most famous detectives (e.g. Poirot, Sherlock Holmes, Miss Marple) are memorable because they’re interesting personalities. And the side characters are just as important. Natural human curiosity is what draws us into a mystery, but empathy for the people involved is what really keeps us turning the pages to see how things turn out for them.

Remember mysteries can be more varied than you think.

When you think of a mystery novel, the first thing that comes to mind is probably a murder mystery, but you are not limited by this! It’s true that murders often feel like they have the highest stakes, but you can totally write mysteries about trying to discover a stolen watch, finding out who vandalised that expensive painting, figuring out who left that mysterious note, and a whole host of other possibilities! You also aren’t limited to 1930s country-house mysteries or fast-paced modern thrillers. Mystery plots work great in other genres too (in fact, mystery combined with fantasy or sci-fi is one of my all-time fave things!). And finally, you can play about with the traditional structure of information reveals and have the audience know things your characters don’t...

Reading list -

As with all aspects of writing, I think the best way to learn mysteries is to read plenty of them. As I said in the intro, they’re one of my fave things, so I have plenty of recommendations!

The Cadfael Chronicles by Ellis Peters. The mysteries in these books are wonderfully intriguing, and the historical setting is so well-drawn. The whole series is fantastic, but if you don’t want to commit to twenty books, I particularly recommend The Sanctuary Sparrow.

The No.1 Ladies’ Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith. Both the books and the TV miniseries are brilliant, and I think the character work is particularly fine in these stories. Mma Ramotswe is one of my favourite sleuths (and Mr. J.L.B. Matekoni is the most wholesome love interest!).

The Provost’s Dog trilogy by Tamora Pierce. This is an excellent example of mystery woven into another genre (YA fantasy).

The novella The Mountains of Mourning by Lois McMaster Bujold. This also has mystery in another genre (sci-fi this time) and it shows that you don’t need a book-length mystery chock-full of clues to be interesting. TMoM is less than 100 pages, but still pulls off an incredibly well-done mystery (and makes me tear up every time!).

For my last recommendation (since this list is getting long...) I put forward The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton. This book is ASTONISHINGLY tightly plotted. I know ‘I couldn’t put it down’ is a cliché, but I really couldn’t put it down.

Like this post? Follow for more writerly content! It’ll be lovely to have you along :D

[talesofafangirlwithadvr]

MARCH PICKS!!!

Life has gotten VERY crazy over the past couple of weeks (it feels more like months-time is irrelevant now). To escape watching the news again and again I have turned to TV and movies now more than ever. While some of these I watched at the start of the month, when life felt more normal, more have been added since “social distancing” and quarantine. But these are my top choices for the month overall. Some will seem familiar from my top Quarantine picks (check out that article if you’d like here) and that’s because many have been my recent watches. 

Spoilers ahead!

LOCKE AND KEY

I cannot stop talking about this show. It is no way similar to this, but I feel like I have not loved a Netflix show like this since Derry Girls last year. This is the show I keep asking people if they have watched it and telling them to if they haven’t. So you should watch this show :)

Locke and Key follows the Locke family as they travel to their father’s ancestral estate after his tragic death. It is their mother’s idea and the three Locke siblings don’t want to leave their home in Seattle and find it tough accumulating to their new home and school. The youngest son, Body, is the first to hear these magical keys that lead to the larger mystery of this story. When I finished watching I had to quickly jot down my notes on the show. I am so happy that I looked at Netflix’s Top 10 list to decide what to watch next. I got hooked easily and while certain characters had annoying moments, in the end I really liked them and cannot wait to see how the story progresses in season 2. SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS...... I knew Ellie was going to be “Dodge” in the last episode when she got thrown through the door. It was just too easy. There was still like 20 minutes of the show left and then when she yelled out Tyler. It just felt right, but I was not expecting Gabe to be the 3rd personality! This echo really knows how to manipulate people. And now Eden too! 

The idea of having magical keys and the different powers for each was really creative and something I would have never thought about. Lots of people have compared it to Stranger Things, Narnia and Stephen King novels, and while those are somewhat accurate there is so much more to it. Must check it out for yourself!  

ONWARD

Before movie theaters closed (here in New York) I was lucky to see Onward in theaters. Even though I’ve already seen it, I am still very excited that it will be released to Disney Plus in a couple of weeks (days?) and is already available to buy digitally. 

Disney/Pixar had me guessing what this would be about for a while (like they usually do with their teaser trailers). But the more this was advertised, the more I got intrigued. It was a very cute film about the importance of family. Not just father and son, but also the bond of brothers. It took a slight turn I didn’t think we’d be taking, but am happy to see represented on the screen. I love all the moments the Dad did walking around (only a bottom half). It was pretty funny, especially when he had his top half on. I liked how they used a leash to keep track of him and how they communicated with him by tapping his feet. I think my favorite was the dancing though.  Super realistic with the whole driving thing and getting on the freeway. (When Barley says something about never being ready it felt very accurate.) I wish their dad could hear them though. I understand why he couldn’t, but still it would have been nice considering the ending. Loved the MOM POWER! She was fantastic. I loved her duo with the Manticore. I also liked how realistic it felt, well despite not having mystical creatures in our world. I liked how they focused on beings taking the easy way out and losing a piece of yourself and your history. I wish I could experience a quest like that.  

THE LODGE SEASON 2

The Lodge is a Disney Channel UK show that I was lucky to watch the first season of back in 2016 or 2017 (it’s so long ago I can’t remember). I kept trying to find the second season after it didn’t air on our Disney Channel, but had no luck. That is until Disney Plus. It wasn’t one of the first shows to air on the streaming service, but since coming out in November, the 2 season Coming of Age Musical Tween show is FINALLY available. I was thrilled! (If you can’t already tell.)

Naturally I started by re-watching the 10 episode first season. Each episode is about 25 minutes long, so it was a fast watch. I forgot how well I knew the story-lines and overall plot. For those unfamiliar with the show, the first season follows Skye Hart who is traveling back to the countryside with her dad, Ed to work (and own) the family’s hotel called the Lodge. Her grandad has been managing it for years and needs some help. Also after the recent passing of Skye’s mum it is nice for them to head back to somewhere that was so special to her. (This seems to be a common thread this month. Compared to Locke and Key this is a lot brighter.) Of course, the Lodge is experiencing some money problems so they have to solve that issue and fast because one guy in particular wants to buy it and create a luxurious spa resort (classic bad guy stuff). Skye winds up being the star of a reality TV show called My Amazing Life, which brings the publicity, but more drama than she intended. The show is filled with the classic teen drama: from love triangles to secrets and there’s also a mystery plot involving her mom and a mysterious man with the initials SJ. A bonus is the musical component. In true musical form the songs are often performed in the moment when a character is feeling sad or happy, but there are also concert performances on the show as well. Some of the songs are quite good and ones that I can’t get out of my head. 

SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2

So, I definitely enjoyed the first season more than the second. Part of that was due to the plot. Obviously the Lodge was still not 100% solid, but I wanted to move past the money problems of the first season and explore some other stuff. (I don’t know what, but something else.) I also felt it was slower moving. While the episodes are about 25 minutes there isn’t much time to work with, but it often felt like we were still looking on a clue or hurtle for longer amounts of time then needed. I didn’t love the songs as much. Now as I am listening to some of them back I am liking more, but overall I thought season 1′s soundtrack was better. A lot of these songs sounded a like. I liked whenever Kaylee sang, but honestly thought she was singing the same song in a different version (now I know there’s about 3 different songs). Too much techno was used and lots of choreographed dancing that was at times strange. My biggest complaint was that Skye chose Sean over Ben, which was her biggest mistake. Throughout the season you could still see their chemistry in the looks they gave or moments that were said. (Her dad was the BIGGEST Team Ben fan.) But she only discovered it at the end when he was already with Danielle (wasn’t a fan of that ship either because of the way they rushed it). Even though there’s no season 3 (and it’s been years so it’s not coming) I will believe Skye and Ben are endgame. Because just look at them... 

Adorable. 

EMMA

Another one that the more I saw it advertised and read reviews, the more I wanted to watch it. I saw this in theaters after Onward, but just before major social distancing started. There were 5 of us total in the theater, which made it feel like out own personal home theater. Loved this movie a lot more than I thought I would. It paid homage to the novel really well as well as previous adaptations that came before it, yet still was recognizable as its own re-telling. For a full review check out my article: REVIEW EMMA (2020).

NANCY DREW

In the past few weeks (few episodes, actually) I have done a complete 360 with my opinion on the CW’s Nancy Drew. In this first season I was immediately intrigued to enter the mystery and explore a CW show without superheroes (which I honestly do love, but I like how the CW is expanding their shows again). In the fall I kept tuning in for new episodes, but as the season went on they would pile up on the DVR more. My main problem was the supernatural element. I didn’t understand why they had to have ghosts be real in this world. I wanted a classic mystery (I guess in the same vein as Scooby Doo, where the murderers were real people rather than a mystical entity). I started to get used to this element, but I didn’t love it. (This was the time when we had a lot of heavy supernatural material and possessions, etc.) My DVR didn’t tape episode 12, so I watched it through a YouTube review before watching the next one (you can see how much I cared then--now I would have opened the app and watched the episode for sure). The next episode was the Whisper Box, which was great, but it wasn’t until episode 14 that I truly fell in love with this show (and started to watch the episodes the day of). Part of it is definitely that I got used to the style of the show and also that parts of the mystery are starting to wrap up, but what I’m noticing is my main reason is Ace. His character continues to get more screen time and we continue to learn more about his life with every episode. I loved meeting his dad and seeing their relationship. His detective skills combined with Nancy are my favorite part about this show and I ship them so much now. He brings a humor to this show like saying he has enemies at the library. Nancy and Ace’s looks to each other as they read Lucy and Ryan’s emails while at the library. OMG the chemistry! If the writers don’t act on this relationship in later seasons, I don’t know what they are doing with themselves. It’s right there and yet Nancy has two other love interests right now. There’s been so many other things in the last few episodes and I am dying for this show to come back this upcoming week.  

I need more of these moments!!

PARTY OF FIVE

At the start of this month I had done a much better job watching this show and since then I haven’t been as good. I think I still have 5 or 6 episodes left, but I know it ended almost a month ago by now, so I will be able to catch up! I was familiar with the original Party of Five from the 90s and had wanted to watch that show for a while now, but due to the amount of seasons I hadn’t gotten around to it. So, once I heard this one was airing I was really excited to give it a chance. I like that it’s by the same creators as the first season and I can’t explain it, but I was really happy to see the iconic font with the title card. This show is so relevant for our current society. It addresses so many of the issues we face with the government today. Instead of having their parents die in a car crash like the original series, here they are deported which brings a whole other side to the story line. I like how we get to see the kids deal with them being away and the hope to live with them again while also seeing their current conversations. There’s so much drama and I am just hoping for some lightness at the end of this season because these characters deserve it! 

[carriagelamp]

Since it’s 🍁 Canada Day 🍁 I figured I’d do the same thing I did for Pride Month and post a round up of Canadian books. Canadian literature has a tendency to be overlooked, but there’s some amazing gems out there!

That being said, this is definitely not a definitive list. There’s lot of lists out there that probably better, more relevant books. This is just a personal list as a Canadian person of Canadian lit I’ve read that stood out to me for whatever reason. I definitely encourage you though to look into some of the new Canadian novels being written write now, especially all the awesome own voice stories being written by First Nations authors across the country!

I’ve read a fair few Canadian novels over the years, so I’m going to break them up into one post of highlights each day for the remainder of the week: one for Children’s Novels / Chapter Books one for YA / Adult Novels, one for Graphic Novels and one for Picture Books.

Anne of Green Gables by L. M. Montgomery

This is like… The Canadian Novel ™ isn’t it? I imagine that even if you’ve never heard of any other Canadian novel, you’ve probably heard of Anne of Green Gables, if for no other reason than it’s been adapted a million times over. If you’ve never bothered to read the original though, I highly recommend it. Since it was written in 1908 the language is definitely old-fashioned, but that somehow makes it engaging enough to keep an adult reader hooked, while not being too difficult for a child reader who’s moved on to full length novels. It also, of course, makes a fantastic read aloud – I’ve reread this book easily a dozen times over the years since first having it read aloud to me by my mom, during which we both bawled our eyes out together.

If you somehow haven’t heard of Anne, it’s about Anne Shirley, a wildly imaginative (and just wild) orphan girl who is adopted by the Cuthberts and brought to live with them on their Prince Edward Island farm, Green Gables. The Cuthberts had originally intended to adopt a boy who could help with the farm work, but when Matthew Cuthbert finds a girl waiting for him at the train station he can’t bring himself to turn her away. And so begins the hijinks and misadventures of Anne as she grows from child to young adult.

Le Champ Maudit by François Gravel

I’ve always loved the genre of child-horror and this book absolutely delivers. The creature, vieux Nick, and the way it exists in space is delightfully chilling even as an adult. The story is about Oliver, who has often been warned by his uncle not to go into the cornfields – it makes sense after all, the cornfields are vast and uniform, it would be easy to get lost in them. Oliver has no reason to assume there’s something more sinister lurking in them, or that it could be tied to the other people who have gone missing over the years. That is, not until he makes the mistake of chasing a rabbit into the stalks one evening…

The Dragon’s Egg by Alison Baird

I was absolutely a “dragon kid” as a child, I loved any sort of dragon book I could get my hands on and I read this one over and over when I was in grade three. It’s about Ai Len who is given a lovely river stone by her father from his trip to China. Ai Len is shocked one night when, all of a sudden, she realizes that it wasn’t a stone at all, but rather a dragon’s egg. Lonely Ai Len befriends the baby dragon (who disguises himself as one of her gold fishes during the day) and helps him grow and learn as they try to figure out how he can get back home to the river his family inhabits.

Fatty Legs by Christy Jordan-Fenton and Margaret Pokiak-Fenton

Fatty Legs is the true story account of Margaret Pokiak, an Inuvialuit child who grew up with her family in the Arctic. At the age of eight, despite their reputations and her father’s reluctance, Margaret begs to be allowed to attend the Catholic residential school because there was nothing she wanted more than to learn to read. There, far from her warm, loving family, Margaret learns about the cruelties and humilities of residential school. This book is a good introduction to residential schools for young children – it shows the horrors while still keeping the story child-friendly and relatable.

The Incredible Journey by Sheila Burnford

The classic novel that inspired Disney’s film Homeward Bound. This story is about three pets – two dogs and a cat – who are left behind under the care of a family friend at an isolated cabin. These three determined pets though refuse to abandon their humans that easily. After a couple weeks of no contact, a decision is made: they will make the trek across the dangerous North Ontario wilderness in order to find their owners. This is a great animal story that genuinely feels perilous at times as these three house pets are forced to contend against the elements, wild predators, and even other humans.

Inkling by Kenneth Oppel

Kenneth Oppel is a human name in Canadian middle grade literature – not only is he a great writer, but an incredibly prolific one. If you have a middle school child in your life, consider checking out this man’s library of works because he has books that range across all sorts of different genres and topics, and they tend to be unique and gripping. They’re a staple in any Canadian school library.

Inkling is about a boy, Ethan, who is struggling with his life. His family has gone through a personal tragedy, his artist father is struggling to write a new graphic novel, and Ethan’s been entrusted with drawing the art for his school group’s graphic novel assignment, and he can’t bring himself to tell them his father’s talent wasn’t hereditary. Everything changes though, when one night, his father’s ink wakes up… This book is really heartwarming, with sweet family moments, lots of action, and an adorable ink blob that’s just trying to do its best.

My Name is Seepeetza by Shirley Sterling

Another own voice novel, this time written by West Coast Salish and residential school survivor Shirley Sterling. This novel is written like a weekly diary by six year old Seepeetza who is taken from her joyous family home and forced into a residential boarding school. While there she is forced to change her name, her language, and all the things that made her life happy and complete. Despite all this, Seepeetza finds ways to survive and still find joy. This book is written for a slightly older audience than Fatty Legs, more of a thin middle grade novel but still balances the brutal horrors of residential schools with a child-friendly narration.

The Secret World of Og by Patsy Berton

This is another Canadian children’s classic, though a much less well-known one than Anne of Green Gables. My mom read this to me and my brother in early elementary school, a chapter a night, and I remember being completely wrapped up in it and it’s strange, quirky pictures. It’s about the five Berton children who discover a strange, cavernous world hidden beneath their club house, inhabited by little creatures called Ogs.

Secrets in the Sand by Sharon Siamon

This is exactly what it looks like: a true to form Horse Girl book. There’s nothing overly special about it, but I read it this month and was charmed by it. This is technically the second book of the Saddle Island series (and she has two other Horse Girl related series as well though I haven’t read them) but for whatever reason I read the second first and actually enjoyed it more of the two. It has it all! A spunky, head-strong girl! Her best friend and annoying brother! A small, financially struggling Maritime town! A brave horse that loves the ocean and swims into underwater caves! The promise of pirate treasure! Saving The Family Farm (and rebuilding it from the ground up on a tiny island)! Want a fun mindless horse adventure? Well here it is!

Silverwing by Kenneth Oppel

I know, I know, another Kenneth Oppel book but listen… he is so prolific and also it might be a crime to do a Canadian book list and not mention Silverwing. This was a childhood staple when I was growing up, practically everyone had either read it for class, read the entire series on their own because who wouldn’t want to, or watched the weird ass TV series. Or done all three! If you haven’t read Silverwing but like animal adventure stories, this is honestly one of the peaks of the entire genre imho. It’s about Shade, a small silverwing bat that struggles with the rules and limits placed around bat colony life. He’s constantly pushing things, constantly challenging others regardless of if they’re his bullying yearmates or if they’re the clan elders. But one day, Shade takes it too far and breaks a vital law: he stayed up and saw the sun. Now the owls are determined to have Shade killed and the clan is prepared to exile him for his transgression. All this just as the clan is preparing to migrate, and Shade, with his small runty wings, ends up falling further and further behind in the storm…

Underground to Canada by Barbara Smucker

I debated whether or not to include this book, given all the BLM movements going on. This book isn’t own voice, and in the research I’ve done since becoming an adult has made me realize a number of the problems that surround it. But still, it felt wrong to leave out, both because of the social climate right now and because this was another classroom staple when I was growing up. It’s about a pair of young slave girls who are horribly abused on the planation they live on, and who eventually join in on a plot to run away, to find the rumoured “underground railroad”, a network of people who help black slaves escape captivity and escape – in this case across the border into Canada. Despite its flaws, this was a book we read in school and, through the book and classroom discussions, really introduced me to the concept of slavery and racism… and the fact that racism is still horribly alive today. It shook me as a child – it was written to be optimistic and adventurous for children, but it still had more violence and horror than I was used to in books at that age and it really shook me. So I included it in the list because, for me at least, I believe it had a positive effect on my growth as a person.

Up In Arms by Amanda Spottiswoode

This is a woefully underrated series because it really delights me. It’s about six friends, spread across two families. Though they’re from the UK, this series is all about their adventures with their uncle in Canada. Spottiswood writes children travel adventures, all set around the 1940s. The first, Brother XII’s Treasure is a treasure hunt along the West Coast during a sailing vacation; the second, The Silver Lining take them into British Columbia’s interior on cattle drive as the kids get drawn into adventures on horseback, a familiar villain, and old mining secrets. This third book I actually read before the others, and is my favourite of the series. It’s back on BC’s west coast, only this time rather than a vacation the kids of be sent to Canada because of the outbreak of WWII. You get high-flying adventure, wilderness survival, and planning a heist to help right the wrongs done to a local Indigenous community by the white settlers. It’s just a lot of fun.

[thesffcorner]

This is Our Story

This is Our Story is a YA mystery written by Ashley Elston. It follows a group of 5 friends, who live in Louisiana, one of which is found shot during what appears to be a hunting accident. But as Kate, an intern for the District Attorney soon learns, maybe the accident wasn’t an accident at all, and one of the four River Point Boys might be a murderer. I don’t tend to read a lot of YA mysteries, but this one was recommended to me as having a similar atmosphere to the Raven Cycleby Maggie Stiefvater, so I decided to give it a go. I can’t say I agree with that; the comparison seems to mostly be that it’s also set in the South and follows one lead girl in a group of 4 boys. However, the book this reminded me of more was probably Black Cat, is it has a similar investigative/mystery tone, where it could be taking place at any time period, but the use of technology and the way the characters speak sets it firmly in our age. I would say that by far the best aspect of this book are the setting and the investigation. I really enjoyed the feel of the small town, how everyone knows everyone and everyone seems to be both connected to and indebted to everyone else. The DA handing over the case to an attorney that’s close to his retirement, the parents wanting to bury the case, against the family of the murdered boy, the private high school vs the public one, were all elements I really enjoyed. It created this atmosphere where both everyone seemed to know everyone’s secret and where secrets were dangerous, which made Kate’s investigation more suspenseful. I appreciated that Kate investigating was also believable; there was a plausible reason as to why she would be at the crime scene, or transcribing interviews or filing paperwork, since she was interning at the DA’s office. The fact that most of the characters were 18 also made all the partying, drugs and alcohol more believable and likely than in typical YA thrillers. I also really enjoyed the mystery itself. Because we don’t really spend much time with the boys, we don’t really know anything about them and their personalities that Kate doesn’t, so we get to know them at the same pace she does. This made the mystery of what happened to Grant more interesting, and I genuinely had no idea who dunnit until the actual reveal. There is another twist in the middle of the book which I absolutely did not see coming, and I thought the characters acted very realistically and sensibly when it occurred. Another really enjoyable aspect where the characters and their interactions. I really love books which have established friend groups, routines and history, because it makes for better developed characters and places that are lived in. Here it was no different; Kate has a group of friends that she hangs out with, she’s part of the yearbook and school newspaper clubs, she’s the school photographer and she seems to be a genuinely well adjusted and content girls. I can’t stress how rare it is in YA to follow a female protagonist who not only isn’t an outcast and bullies and lonely, but has a group of positive female friends! That she spends time with and actually contribute to the plot! Small details like Kate being friendly with the cheerleaders, being impressed at their routines, and being genuinely worried about characters who would otherwise be presented as either rivals or slut-shamed really warmed me to her characters. As for the characters, I can’t say much about the boys because a lot of what we find out about them, is a spoiler. I liked the one character we do get to spend most of the time with, though I almost wish we could have gotten to know the other boys better. For a book called Our Story, we don’t really get their story; it’s Kate’s story of how she discovered what happened to one of them. The adults in the book were also not only present, but acted like real adult figures. They weren’t overly sympathetic, but they were both supportive and encouraging when they needed to be, and strict and uncooperative when it made sense for them to be. I really enjoyed Pat as a character; he was my favorite of the adults. Kate’s best friend Regan was the best character here. Not only is she supremely encouraging and supportive of Kate, she also has her own subplots, opinions, talents and hobbies. She’s a fashion designer and tailor, she’s bubbly, she has a crush on her friend, she was the best. I also liked the other two friends Alexis and Mignon, but they are not as present as Regan. Finally Kate. I really liked her as a protagonist; she was proactive, brave and often clever. I didn’t get a distinct sense that she was detective material, and at least she admits that she’s bad at spying and stalking (that bit, where she likes a photo that’s 4 years old? I FELT THAT). I liked that she was suspicious of the development we get mid book (it’s really hard keeping this spoiler free), though I do think the lengths she was willing to go to solve the case were a bit ridiculous. The whole final scene was just so insanely dramatic that it honestly took me out of what had up until that point been a pretty solid, down to earth mystery. Overall, I definitely recommend this book. It’s fast paced, it has good characters and a solid hook of a mystery and I enjoyed it thoroughly. If you like Claire LeGrand or Holly Black’s writing style without the supernatural elements, I think you will too.

goodreads

[bluerosesburnblue]

Liz Liveblogs Bravely Second: Chapter 5, Part 1/2

The final stretch is here. Welcome to Chapter 5: This is Our Coup de Gravy!

I’m splitting Chapter 5 into two parts due to length. This part features an amazing climax boss, and is then followed up by the Sidequest Roundup, which ended up longer than I expected! We’ll resume with the plot next go around. I understand if anyone wants to skip this one, since it is mostly sidequests, but at least read the beginning because reveals abound and the plot starts to really kick into gear. No more messing around this time!

No introduction is needed. It’s time to end this before it begins. Let’s make sure the Kaiser rests in oblivion

“I deny you all” you know, Oblivion. Buddy. Synonyms exist. Try them sometime

Between the start of the scene and actually attempting the fight I started drinking some hard cider. So if the team members are siblings, I’m the tipsy extradimensional aunt at the reunion. Let’s punch Kaiser’s blond chinstrap beard in

Aw, damn. They switched Magnolia’s and Edea’s positions in my party. Muscle memory is gonna smack me down in this fight

Edea took out about half of Kaiser’s health in one full BP volley. Not so tough now, huh? Really should be buffing your defense, instead of the attack power of everyone on the field

Oh no. The magical domino mask that everyone seems to think hides your identity but really, REALLY doesn’t fell off

Kaiser is Yew’s missing big brother. I’ll... get into why that doesn’t surprise me in a minute

...that’s not the pronunciation I expected. Denys Geneolgia. I read the name as “Dennis.” Yew just pronounced it “Denny.” It’s... uhh... I can see why he went with “Oblivion,” even if it does make him sound like an edgy 13-year-old trying too hard

So. Yeah. One of the few things I was spoiled on was that Kaiser’s real name was “Denys Geneolgia,” and after Yōko’s prank with the Danzaburō illusion and the zoom-in on Kaiser’s prosthetic hand... I kinda figured he had to be Yew’s brother. I’m sure there was probably some foreshadowing that I missed, but I feel like I caught a fair amount of it

Fuck, I can’t believe Yew’s brother is the restaurant chain Denny’s

I can’t believe Denny just got arrested before he could give us exposition. That’s totally unexpected for a JRPG. Wow.

GOOD NEWS THOUGH. Tiz and Agnès are finally in the same room as each other. I... perhaps should not have made him a ghost knight for this reunion, but she’s seen him wear worse. It’s fine

AAAAAAHHHHHH that hug was so cute. “...You came for me!” HE SURE DID. ACROSS TIME. All for you, Agnès! Tiz will never let you down!

And from her perspective, Tiz is still in a coma. It’s like he came back to life miraculously just because she needed him

AND EDEA’S MADE IT A GROUP HUG. AHHHHHH. WHERE’S RINGABEL GET HIM IN HERE FOR THIS

Nevermind, Magnolia and Yew are joining in and that’s cuter. But still. We’re missing our sixth teammate, Ringabel~

Time to give Alternis, Braev, and Agnès the low down on the end layer, and how we sent player with the Bravely Second

Agnès can actually remember parts of it because she’s also synced up to the hourglass, but since she didn’t travel through time with the party, it’s more of a dreamlike recollection

One last job. Kaiser’s in jail, but his soldiers aren’t. We need to take them down and extract or destroy the Ba’al locked in Skyhold. But this time, we complete the ceremony and join the Orthodoxy and Duchy. Two forces once at war with each other, now at each other’s backs to save the world

Ag... Agnès maybe don’t base your speech on events that now no longer happen because I changed the past?

Apparently there was quite a bit of time looping for her. She was whisked away to the edge of time “over and over” again? Was that the result of being in a timeless space, or is she referring to various new games on the cartridge, of which there are none because I only have the one (now two due to New Game+), so...

This speech almost doesn’t work because they don’t make the player go through several meaningless loops this time, so even from a meta perspective, she was only kidnapped once. So unless Agnès has lived through save files I never made, I don’t know what she’s going on about

Didn’t take the Empire long to bust Denny out of prison

Altair didn’t even help with Anne’s bestiary entry! Why couldn’t it have been written without him?!

...glad the chest key for blue chests was just sitting out on the floor of the church there

Yeah, of course it was Janne and Nikolai who broke him out. We can’t have pancake night without Denny’s!

“Does the name Jerome Balestra mean anything to you!?” Janne... Janne you fucking idiot. Mook #4 didn’t kill your dad. None of these guys know what you’re talking about. But no, kill them. Fine. You useless brat

I DON’T THINK THESE GUYS, SPECIFICALLY, KILLED YOUR DAD, JANNE! They all look the same! How can you tell?!?!?!?

You. Are. SUCH a child. Get over yourself

Nikolai should not be that acrobatic

Oh good. Bella and Cú are back. Hey, Bella, is it awkward that Yew’s rocking your getup right now? It is, right?

Denys, why are you enabling the use of “coup de gravy”? No self respecting older sibling would let him get away without some serious teasing for something so cringey. I’m an oldest sibling. I’m speaking from experience here

After Bella’s speech, I can’t tell if the Empire is just Denys accidentally adopting people who need help, or a cult

Bella mentions crimes against “her sister.” She’s a “Dark Vestal” with black hair and seems to give prophecies of doom. Is Sylvie her sister? Did Bella do something to make her mute? Sylvie was one of the big mysteries from last “arc” that never got answered, so I’m hoping for payoff here in some fashion

Not even a moment to breathe (or save). Time to battle Bella and Cú once more!

Okay, so Bella’s sister was killed on the night Eternia was founded, by the “witch” who began the Plague, mentioned in the last game. Seems that may have been started by the Crystalguard

She tried to revive her sister, much as Geist tried to revive his son. But all she made were monsters. And Cú, whose resurrection she messed up. But none of them were Donna. (So, not Sylvie. Should’ve just given her a minute to monologue). She named her doll after her sister

Cú wasn’t even technically resurrected. He’s just a statue that she managed to animate

My Spirit Magic is so much stronger than Bella’s at this point it’s comical

Cú. You’re using up Edea’s special. Hurry this monologue up

Dammit Cú. I had Critical up by 300%. Thanks for wasting that

We spared them. Of course we did! This is the Best Timeline™, guys! No one dies, no one gets to economically ruin a nation!

Yew’s determined to show Denys’s people that the word can change so long as people are willing to work for it. Stop living in the past and wishing you could undo mistakes. Time to start working for a better future. And I can’t think of anyone better to show them than Agnès

“We can’t risk her Holiness...!” Othar, Agnès killed Ouroboros, the Devourer of Worlds. I think she can handle Sad Bella and her horse man without her useless bodyguards

I like Cú. He’s a man... horse of honor

And Agnès let Bella keep Donna, her doll. So sweet

Oh just let me save the game already!

We called in Braev, Alternis, Norzen, Kamiizumi, Goodman, and Lotus to hear our story. Lotus... has no idea who we are, unless we either called him from Sagitta and told him offscreen, or he somehow also had his memories hooked up to the Second

At least Norzen won’t arbitrarily attempt to kill us this timeline

Eisen and Eternia are teaming up to make sure Agnès can’t be kidnapped to use to awaken the Crystals

Magnolia’s got a plan to take the Skyhold. “Lord Arima and Sakura remember you well. Together, we’ve been preparing for this day.” Is this Kingdom Hearts logic, where all memories are connected, so as long as we remember the last timeline, so does everyone we befriended? Who, exactly, was memory synced to the hourglass?

...is it me? It uses the player’s SP, so as long as I remember the events of the story, so do they? Lucky for you guys I’ve been doing a liveblog, huh?

...that’s actually gonna suck if the sidequests remember Bad Timeline events, because now it’s a betrayal

Agnès has given everyone pendant pieces, so we’ve got a group call with the team now

“Take back the compass”? I don’t believe they’ve stolen it yet, Magnolia

Thank GOD. I can finally save and take a break

Denny’s got the team together to recoup after having his little brother time travel just to punch his face in. Understandable

He does genuinely seem to care about his underlings, so I’m pretty sure “savior of the lost” is the kind of person we’re dealing with here

“They went down fighting for the cause.” Janne, stop. They’re not dead. Best Timeline™

So Denys, Nikolai, and Janne all remember the past timeline, too. Who... who does and does not remember? Someone needs to get me a comprehensive list. Alternis may or may not get super pissed that I intend to “betray” the orphans this go around if he remembers

I like the fact that the villains in this game are as perceptive as they are. “If we remember, then I’m sure they do, too. No element of surprise with our plans, so we need a change of course”

“My friend...” Denys is the same as Yew. He adopts people. The empire is to him what the party has become to his brother: a second family to make up for the one they botched

They’re sending Geist to claim the compass instead of Minette this time. If the catsassin ain’t a secret, may as well go with our strongest operatives

New Game+ means both New Enemies+ and all sidequests from past chapters are open, so let’s go clear out some Catmancy skills, then fix the mess I made of the last timeline and see if I like the quests any better when I like the ending. We’re leaving the Bestiary until I get the Yōkai job’s Obliterate skill to make it easier on me

I’m gonna take the quests in order of appearance, so first up is Jackal vs. deRosa, where we side with Jackal instead of letting deRosa maybe accidentally start a Cold War for the sake of making some kid happy about his thesis project

Okay, they did exactly what I was hoping they would when I realized that everyone retained their memories. Event scenes are heavily abridged, but it seems like only the party remembers everything. So they go “hey, is this what’s happening? Okay, we can help let us fix this.” instead of having the situation explained. That’ll make it easy to collect the rest of the jobs

deRosa may remember. He knew everyone’s noodle orders, but doesn’t seem like he remembers anything about the Wellspring Gem. So... I dunno

Also, WHY DID YOU TELL HIM. You know it just causes a fight with Jackal!

“For every five years our research is delayed, the world suffers a decade of sorrow...” Okay, kid. Stop being dramatic. Your thesis project is not some high-end deal and not worth destroying at least one, maybe several towns over. He isn’t even a high ranking Al-Khampis student. Sorry, dumbass, I’m not letting you make a fantasy nuke

At least he’s got his heart in the right place. He’s gonna find a solution that doesn’t need the Gem, so that everyone benefits and they don’t have to destroy a city to do it. G... good job? You should’ve considered that from the start

Hey, I’ve got an idea. Let’s find Gho Gettar and slyly whisper to him that there MAY be an owl-man hanging out in the Northeast of Eternia that MAY have what he’s looking for ;)

Weird that the Gho sidequest starts up with meeting him and Mephilia in the woods to deliver Kamiizumi’s letter when the event we got the letter from didn’t happen in this timeline. Maybe he handed it off to us during the big peace talks in Gathelatio?

I’ve been listening to Critical Role too much, because when I heard the voiceover for Kamiizumi’s letter, I couldn’t picture the character, just Liam O’Brien’s goofy smile

Follow your dreams, Gho. I promise, Amaterasu is just a (very long) boat ride away

Kamiizumi thinks we’re being naive, because being a low-ranking worker isn’t anything shameful, and we’re encouraging Gho to be a quitter. And I agree, yeah, there’s nothing wrong with being a labor worker. BUT! It’s also not for everyone. Some people are AMAZING at those kinds of jobs, and some people shine in other areas. I don’t see Gho shining as a factory worker. I just see it crushing his spirit. And his sense of dedication is not an issue, because he is putting in just as much effort into summoning Amaterasu as he did working in that factory, but the summoning work makes him happier. He’s no less a hard worker for focusing his efforts on a strenuous process that makes him happy than one he doesn’t care about

“You counsel a guileless youth, still ignorant of the world, to throw up his hands at the first hint of hardship.” But we aren’t, though. You think there are no hardships on the path to his dream? That it won’t be difficult? No, we just refocused his efforts on something he cares about. He’ll struggle through just as many hardships, but with this he’ll want to go through them, want to make it through because they’ll be for something he’s passionate about. He’ll actually have the motivation to get through those hardships, and he’ll be more pleased with the results. Sorry, Kamiizumi. Just because it’s not for a job you particularly find tasteful doesn’t mean he’s not working just as hard. Maybe even harder, since he’ll be more excited to do it

The Kamiizumi fight is much easier once you remember that your Hawkeye has the Condor ability that can pierce default

And this is what I’m talking about. Gho is getting frustrated that he still can’t summon Amaterasu, he’s putting in so much effort, but now it’s for something he’s passionate about. It might not be as fast as he accomplished something of note as he did in the vs. Mephilia ending, but he’s accomplishing just as much, and I’m proud of him. Sometimes it takes just a little longer to do something truly great, as opposed to just something good

Oh, wow, I forgot about Sage Yulyana. Not his existence, but the fact that he hasn’t been relevant to this game. We still haven’t been to the Yulyana region

According to Mephilia he fought a Ba’al about a year ago, told her about Amaterasu and one other summon (Susano-o, the one she was searching for last game, or Charybdis, the other new one from this game?) and then either left this world to hunt down the Ba’al... or just died. Honestly, either would be pretty in-keeping with the good old sage. Just as well we probably won’t be seeing him, though; I only ever used Conjurer for Obliterate

Yeah, I’m happier having Gho follow his dreams than slave away at a job he hates, even if he managed to make that job more efficient. I’ve got faith he can do just as much, if not more good like this

Well, on to the next... oh. Oh god no not Holly vs. Profiteur again oh good lord come on, let’s try to stop this economic disaster before a child gets lost in the freaking mines again

Huh. This timeline they’re all just... talking it over like mature, responsible adults. And while Profiteur is going to make sure his economic argument is sound, Holly is... going to gorge herself in Heartschild. Great. Just go to Barras in Florem and leave the rest of us alone, you loon

And even the girl is more sympathetic. She still wants to stay, but she’s scared of her granddad having to go out and fish on the open water every day if they do stay there. And, kid, I got wrecked by a Monoceros out there and this party is TRAINED to fight, that is a very good fear to have

Oh thank GOD it’s not making me chase Profiteur down again

Greater good! GREATER. GOOD!

Oh, cool, Holly’s fucking drunk. Really making a good argument for yourself there, hon

Profiteur’s plans will “only help the few?” How so? Seems to me a flourishing economy benefits EVERYONE. Besides, I’d rather side with someone taking the situation seriously than one drunk madwoman

I’m almost happy that they made Holly so unsympathetic this go-around

But... now the kid’s back to being a brat. She’s throwing a tantrum because she doesn’t want the house sold. Too fucking bad? How many kids do you think would end up homeless if they didn’t sell? I don’t think an eight-year-old should be making the financial decisions in this family. They’re not good big-picture thinkers

Also, no need to be so hostile to Profiteur, Edea! Holly’s feelings aren’t the benchmark of morality, either!

I still have so many problems with the way this quest is written, as though the conflict is modest-but-happy lifestyle vs. lavish-but-empty lifestyle, when it’s really a needs of the many vs. needs of the few scenario. As though someone being sad is a decent argument for a large decision like this. As though kids are good at making rational decisions. Sometimes families move, sometimes things change, and it’s hard and sad and difficult to adapt to, but you need to. And this opens up so many possibilities for her that she can’t even see yet. Better schooling, a better home, good jobs, heck, she’ll be able to spend even more time with her grandpa if he doesn’t have to work all the time to get her food!

The one thing this quest has going for it is that I totally buy Profiteur’s redemption from the last game. He’s still a moneygrubber, but he’s a moneygrubber who’s genuinely looking to open up some honest jobs and help a country out

“You can trust in Erutus Profiteur! If you think I am taking too long [making this country a better place], you may come to blast me away at anytime!” God speed, good sir. He sounds so excited to make this work, and I’m glad to make it happen

Sidequest still wan’t great, but much more bearable than the first time. A kid didn’t even have to almost die this time around!

Well, now it’s time to go get stuck in Grapp Keep. If we were smart, we’d tell everyone to get out before the place collapsed, but then we wouldn’t have a conflict? Oh well. Let’s go kick Ominas and his baby dragon’s asses

I don’t foresee that fight being a problem, since I have Magnolia as an Astrologian with Elemental Barrier

...at least Edea tried to avoid slamming into that guy this time

The saga of Magnolia’s cooking continues. Seems she’s gotten to be a much better chef

Oh god it just hit me. The Edea punching the wall scene happened again. We caused the damn cave-in

And they tried to warn them of the cave-in, but we still got trapped. But of course

And Artemia and Ominas definitely don’t remember the last timeline. This time, though, we’ve told Risotto’s father to form a rescue party in advance. No worry about a search party not showing up. Now we have even less reason to side with Ominas! Food for everyone! Femto Flare later, when not under threat of hunger

Ominas, dude, just learn Femto Flare when we get out of here. World isn’t screwed because a tiny dragon didn’t learn it this second. Besides, the way this is going, it ain’t gonna matter much this timeline, anyway

Man, that is such a nothing quest. No real stakes, no real emotional involvement. Nothing. Cool. Moving on

...why does the Bestiary make it sound like Bahamut is dead when the actual epilogue says he’s fine?

Kikyo vs. Heinkel was enjoyable. Let’s hope it is again, yeah?

I like the premise of “oh we already know who did it, let’s set up a trap to catch the culprit”

And they aren’t even pretending it wasn’t Whitson. Hell, Edea’s blatantly guilting him, without actually saying his name

Let’s get Sholmes in on the police force. He needs to learn a little temperance. His big problem is jumping the gun with his intuitive responses. Putting him in a position that encourages him to think more logically and put together better evidence for his reasoning can only benefit him. Intuition is best used when you understand why you’re having that gut reaction in the first place, and it’s not the only thing that makes a good investigator

Kikyo’s still an annoying fight what with her constant evading and Transience skill, but Ninja was one of my top classes last game so it’s good to have it back

Yes, yes, we know what the truth of this incident was. I don’t need to hear it again, game

And you know, I’m liking this new, mature Sholmes. Good. I’m glad he’s finally wising up

Still a decent quest, I just almost wish the stakes were higher. ...then again, this game has proven that higher stakes in these quests tends to lead to higher stupidity from Edea, so maybe it’s for the best this stays low-scale

Who feels like opening up the first co-ed school in Florem. I do! Equality of the sexes!

Straight to the fight! This one was pretty straightforward

A co-ed school with optional enrollment is moving too fast? Really Einheria? Shut the fuck up. Both of your sisters are smarter than you right now, and one’s a psycho summoner and the other grew up in the woods

I just Summoned a Friend. He named his attack “Shot thru the <3″ and had Yew’s finishing line be “You’re to blame.”  What a freaking legend

Oh no Rhea’s crying. What a shame

Einheria can’t even remember her name while proclaiming her loyalty to her. God, how could you forget a name like Rhea Veeling

And Swetti’s crush is still a thing. Great

Barras has licenses to teach various forms of martial arts and 22 fields of medicine? Dude, hey, go down to Eisen, find your drunk girlfriend, and go settle down yeah? Keep her out of trouble because you’re clearly the responsible one in this relationship

Eugh. Rhea’s Bestiary entry says she only joined the Bloodrose Legion after they ruined Florem, and her whole “making up for the sins of the past” shtick was an act to get the teaching job. Wow. Fuck her, glad this is Best Timeline ending

“Regardless, she is probably the most rational of the three Venus sister...” Not in this scenario, Tiz. Not at all

Back to Florem to respect the wishes of a deceased artist. Arca Pellar’s song will see the light of day. And then eventually Praline can remix it, but I don’t think she’s gonna have the patience to, honestly

So Pellar... remembers the last timeline? But Praline and Barbarossa don’t? What... why??? What are the rules for cross-timeline memory!?

At least it doesn’t seem like we have to trek through the Witherwood again. Good

And our plan is scream our answer into a microphone so that Praline and Barbarossa hear it and the loser challenges us to a fight. We’re just provoking the boss at this point! Why???

*mic voice* FUCK PRALINE. SHE AIN’T SHIT

I still can’t hear her over her background music

“Why not recreate that song as something people today will be able to enjoy?” Why not make your own freaking song!? There’s market for both genres! It’s not like the freaking Beatles are any less popular because their stuff’s old, you know?

Praline I am far too cynical to fall for false tears. I didn’t even cave to a child’s real tears. You think that’s gonna stop me?

Oh lord her awful song’s the boss music. You know, I like Jpop every once in a while. It’s a decent genre! This... this is not a good song

See? Barbarossa just handed Praline a commission to do a song for them. It... was for Arca’s song, though, invalidating everything I’ve done. At least this time the sailors are working with her to keep true to the original spirit of the song

Well, that totally invalidated my entire choice, but at least everyone’s happy?

The Bestiary has a few interesting tidbits. Rabbits are sacred on the moon (because this game was made in Japan, of course they are), Praline has been lying about being 17 for a long freaking time, and Nikolai was apparently a fan. I... Nikolai, buddy, really? Never would’ve thought

Time for one last diversion: solving the economic crisis of Grandship. Alternis may have his heart in the right place, but his clouded judgement will wreck Grandship in the long run. Let make the Best Timeline one worth living in, where everyone’s happy

It just occurred to me that there’s over 30 Jobs. That’s nuts

Just heading straight to the council meeting, huh? Just as well, we already know who we’re here to support. Though I wouldn’t have objected to hanging out with Datz, Zatz, Alternis, and the Proprietress for lunch again

(Also, side note: The salted caramel tea I’m drinking right now is ~amaaaaaazing~. I’m not even really a salted caramel person. Bigelow teas are a gift to this earth. Alternis is gonna get a beating while I sip tea dramatically)

Shoot. The elevator’s still locked. Guess I’m dungeon running with encounters off again. Teeeeediuuuuum~

(I get the point is probably new encounters but: I don’t have Obliterate yet and I’m still overleveled. So!)

We aren’t abandoning the orphans, you overdramatic dork!

Wow. That might be the first boss I’ve lost to.

Alternis, you’re proposing now!? In the middle of combat over the economic security of orphans!? Learn some tact, doofus!

Minus Strike is complete bullshit when Alternis has 100x the max health we do. That’s just an instant kill

And Khamer seems really devoted to helping the poor despite all this. “Maybe we can have our cake and eat it, too.” Yeah, I like it!

Oh, sure, cut to starving orphans to make me feel bad

Oh, I love the Proprietress. Now that people have money to spend, they’re spending it on helping the poor! And the kids are being offered an apprenticeship and schooling! Exactly how it should be. I was worried they were gonna vilify my choice for a second there

I forgot Edea was only 18. These kids really are all younger than me

Ah, that’s cute. Magnolia wonders how terrifying Alternis’s face must be in the Bestiary and Edea can only reply with “...” Yeah, mmmhmm. Good response to the pretty-boy pompadour guy

Thank God those are over. I love this game, but that was basically an hours-long boss rush. Most of those were a bit more tolerable than the Bad Timeline runs, but I still don’t think they were written well. The flaw is in the fundamental conflict setup... but I think I’ve talked enough about my problems with them in previous entries, so let’s make like a New Timeline and cut the chit chat because we already know what’s up

I’ve finally escaped Morality Sidequest Hell. Now, there’s at least two more sidequests in the game, but I have high hopes for them. Mostly because they won’t be confined to the Choice structure that all of the others have been stuck in which means: 1. no moralizing (probably) and 2. development for party members other than Edea, because the Tiz, Yew, and Magnolia might as well have not been there at all for all they contributed to these quests

Wow, that ended up being way longer than expected. I was hoping to get right into the story this liveblog, but I guess that’s not gonna happen. Well, check back next time when I go race Geist to the spacetime compass. He... unfortunately has a good headstart considering I just did eight sidequests, but now the whole party’s level 60 and ready to go! He doesn’t stand a... geist of a chance

[ayellowbirds]

Keshet Rewatches All of Scooby-Doo, Pt. 11: "A Gaggle of Galloping Ghosts"

("Scooby-Doo, Where Are You", Season 1 Episode 11)

AKA "This Episode Contains No Ghosts Whatsoever, Except The Looming Spectre of Anti-Romani Racism"

As a wolfman watches from atop a castle tower, the gang drive up. In terms of establishing shots, it’s basically just Episode 2 all over again, but this time on dry land, with a growling werewolf instead of a telescope-carrying ghost.

Gee, i wonder which part of this background will be animated.

Fred identifies it as "Franken Castle. It's the only castle ever imported stone by stone from Transylvania." Leaving aside the mixing of obvious references to both Frankenstein and Dracula with a visible werewolf, this kind of castle-importing actually isn’t as outlandish as it might seem (unless you grew up watching Disney’s Gargoyles, in which case it seems perfectly normal and you probably also think it could go on top of a skyscraper).

In fact, during the early twentieth century, there was something of a trend for wealthy Americans to import medieval European architecture stone-by-stone, to be reassembled in the states. There’s some prominent examples of this not too far from my own home, at the Cloisters in Manhattan—they even have a “medieval faire” there. It's an under-utilized plot element, and if you’re doing a story involving things like haunted medieval castles or monasteries, i absolutely encourage you to set them wherever the fuck in America or Canada.

Although the rest of the gang is excited about the visit, Daphne is being superstitious.

The gang catch sight of a roadside fortuneteller, which they identify with the G-slur, though i seriously doubt the red-eyed woman in the little cabin on the back of a pickup truck is Romni, even dressed up as a horrible stereotype. In spite of Velma’s doubts, Daphne buys into it along with fearing lycanthropes, serving as a kind of middle ground between Shaggy and Scooby’s outright cowardice, and Velma and Fred’s stoicism. 

The racially insensitive gang ignore the old woman’s warnings that the castle’s caretaker ran away in fear, and continue onward, witnessing lightning striking the castle in spite of a cloudless sky, and receiving a warning from a vampire at the gates.

If you’ve been on this hell site long enough, you know how Velma reacts.

The Dracula turns into a “vampire bat”, and as the gang is scared back, the drawbridge rises—but Daphne’s caught on top of it, and slides to the castle side of the moat. Now, a Frankenstein’s monster appears to menace her, wordlessly moaning and shambling forward.

Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Wolfman. I hope Universal doesn’t sue.

Scooby and Shaggy swing across the moat on a rope slung over a gargoyle, and narrowly dodge a zoinking alligator that leaps out of the moat to snap at them, which is never seen again and receives no explanation as part of the villain’s scheme. I guess moats just got to have gators. Shaggy tells Scooby to stand guard while he figures out the drawbridge controls, but the dog bolts as soon as the wolfman appears.

He hasn’t gone far, however, because as the wolfman chases Shaggy, a suit of armor against the wall sticks out its foot to trip the monster, and pulls off its helmet to reveal a triumphant Scooby.

So did Scooby just, like, pour himself into that armor? I can’t imagine his body comfortably fitting in there, nor how he got it on in the first place, but we’ve already established that he himself is some kind of unknowable horror.

During the ensuing chase scene, Shaggy abuses his powers of voice-throwing, and the infuriated wolfman throws a heavily-armed suit of armor (i’ll note that none of the castle’s interior decor looks Transylvanian—neither from when it was Hungarian nor the later Romanian dominion) and its axe demolishes the grand piano Scooby was hiding inside of. Peeking from the wreckage, Scooby notes with astonishment that the piano keys are real ivory, and instead of bemoaning the plight of endangered elephants, attempts his own scare.

A scene from The Beast That Destroyed the Refrigerator. The wolfman cautiously backs away, and Shaggy manages to restrain  him by dropping a chandelier. Rather than trying to ensure the monster is held tight, Shaggy and Scooby book it.

Meanwhile, Velma and Freddy find a dining hall with a roaring fire, and encounter the Dracula once more, attacked by its bat form. Velma loses her glasses in the second bat-related incident this season, and fumbles her way into a secret passage that opens up behind the fireplace as the whole assembly rises up just far enough to let her crawl in. 

Maybe it’s just me, but that seems like a really bad place to put a secret door. You’re going to get ash everywhere, and if there’s an active fire, you might wind up with chunks of burning wood tumbling out onto that nice and flammable wood floor, never mind the costly complexity of ventilation with a setup like that.

Meanwhile, the requisite once-per-episode food antics are taking place as Shaggy and Scooby raid the castle kitchen. For once, they find themselves disgusted by the food options, showing that the villain of the episode is either really dedicated to his presentation, or is just a big damn goth.

Looking kind of like a Heinz product with the label style, there. Is this the legendary fifty-seventh variety?

It’s the added note of Chunky Style that really makes this.

What, no Frankensteinfurters? For some reason we get two wolfman-themed food items, but nothing for the reanimated. It might be because he’s raiding the pantry, which is exactly where Scooby finds him hiding behind the door, leading to another chase sequence involving some sort of wheeled hook on a ceiling-mounted track, ending at a helpfully labeled dumbwaiter. I guess it’s meant to be a system for conveying large quantities of food to the dumbwaiter?

Elsewhere, Velma has wandered into a “torture chamber”, that she mistakes for a “playroom” because of the “interesting toys”. Shaggy and Scooby slide in, watched by the moving eyes of an iron maiden—not eyes visible through holes in its steel face, but the metal eyes of the mask itself—and solve a mystery for the viewers by bringing Velma a pair of emergency replacement glasses. I wonder how many they keep with them? Velma seems to go through frames like the boys go through Scooby Snacks.

Rescuing Daphne from an oubliette, the trio are menaced by the Dracula, who Scooby attacks with the end of the rope not being used to raise Daphne out of the dungeon, binding and dragging the vampire into the very same pit. He swears they haven’t escaped, and the foursome flee into a secret tunnel hidden inside the iron maiden.

Although Daphne and Velma find Fred at the end of the tunnel, they’ve lost sight of Scooby and Shaggy in the darkness. They don’t seem too concerned, as Daphne prioritizes a clue—a message she found written on the dungeon wall, dated to 1668.

There’s a few problems with this. It can’t have been written when the castle was in the Americas, there simply weren’t the resources to transport that much stone across the ocean at the time. If it’s from the castle’s days in Transylvania, why is it in English? And the biggest problem of all...

Tutankhamun's tomb wasn’t rediscovered until 1922. Egyptology was an obscure field in the 1600s, and Tut wasn’t a historically notable pharaoh. There’s no way a 17th century European would have had knowledge of the boy pharaoh, much less his wealth.

Shaggy and Scooby have wandered into a mad scientist’s laboratory in the meanwhile, and after mistaking a dummy on the table for "old square-head”, they start goofing around with unlabeled chemicals. Scooby plays at “Igor” to Shaggy’s "Mad Scientist”—neither noticing the wolfman creeping up behind even as they casually discard an explosive chemical without looking back, sending him back into his hiding place.

No sense of lab safety, whatsoever. As Scooby switches to playing at “monster” and gets strapped down to a table, the actual (fake) Frankenstein’s Monster reappears, and another chase scene ensues. The gang reunite, and Velma suggests that they investigate the Franken family crypt.

That is a heck of a scene, zoinks. Completely bonkers architecture, but wow.

Finding that one of the sarcophagi has the same 1668 date as Daphne’s clue, they push back its lid... and find the Dracula. An attempt to capture it in a tapestry reveals that the Franken family jewels (not that kind of family jewels, you children) were sewn into the back of the wall-hanging. The vampire flees with it, leaving behind a clue that brings the gang back to the fortune teller, who is revealed to be the culprit behind all the monsters: “Big” Bob Oakley, AKA “The Actor”, a master of disguise wanted in seven states. 

You know, as with the Great Bluestone, it’s kind of ambiguous what The Actor is wanted for, exactly. Burglary? Impersonation? Escaping prison?  It doesn’t matter, because we finally get something like the “meddling kids” line! The gang explain Oakley’s plan, and he says, “Yes...”

So close, and yet, so far.

(like what i’m doing here? It’s not what pays the bills, so i’d really appreciate it if you could send me a bit at my paypal.me or via my ko-fi. Click here to see more entries in this series of posts, or here to go in chronological order)

[vacationcalendar]

7/18/21

Good morning Max!

So.

We are steadfastly embarking here on a blogging journey only about 3 entire weeks after we had this fantastic idea. One might argue that a *start* to an endeavor can’t be steadfast; steadfast is a pace that is maintained over a period of time, it indicates a consistency that can’t be identified after mere seconds of typing. But I would argue that that steadfast pace is going a certain speed, and we as a society have a collective idea of how fast that speed is, whether we’ve ever said it out loud or not. And I believe it is that speed at which I am embarking. So there. You bear with me and try to visualize THAT idea, and I’ll try and learn more words so we don’t have to keep having these little thought experiments every paragraph or so.

OK GREAT! WE’RE OFF! I have literally taken two full length breaks since I’ve started writing this. Why was I so scared to get this thing started anyway? Writing comes so naturally to me, like breathing, or shitting. I can’t believe people actually get paid to do this.

Alright, in all honesty, I know this is going to be wildly difficult for me to do with any consistency at all, much less DAILY (good lord...). So in order to make this a more surmountable task, we are going to make the topics and form that the blog takes on a little more free flowing than I might initially want them to be. We don’t care how the river is shaped at this very moment, just so long as there is water flowing down it.

Here are some creative writing projects constantly hanging over my head that might just rear their ugly heads in some form or another during these posts: Comedy Sketches Stand-up bits Segments/ideas for my eternally unfinished novel Standalone essays that I think would work as a youtube video, because of course an introverted depressed guy who thinks he’s interesting in 2021 wants to have a youtube channel. Etc.(?)

There, I finished the list with etc., even though I had no more concrete ideas for creative writing projects. That makes the list instantly 300% more official, and doesn’t paint me as wildly unconfident in my own personality AT ALL. I did mention to my mother that I was working on assorted creative writing projects to keep busy, and she immediately asked, “Oh! Like a [auto]biography?”

She’s pretty confident that I’ve got a bestseller on my hands if I just recounted the sad and lonely details of my life up until this point. She also called it a biography as indicated in my direct quote there, and I tried to fix it in post like any good editor would. But now I’m noticing that “fixing” the quote to say autobiography like she *meant* to say changes the proper article before the word from “a” to “an,” and I have no idea what the protocol for that correction would be...

Maybe it’s [an auto]biography? An [auto]biography? Maybe it’s [an autobiography], but then it’s much less clear what my mother’s initial mistake in vocabulary was, and I don’t want to let her off the hook so easily. Maybe I google this later, if I can think of what the hell you would type into google to find an answer to this. I guess my point bringing this up at all, is maybe I do actually try and use this space occasionally for a journal. Wading through the slimy, fetid bog of my younger days sounds extremely unfun, and, to a point of contention with my well-meaning mother, distinctly unprofitable. But unpacking my current self’s thoughts onto this page periodically does actually sound nice.

And this is a trade secret between you and me (you’re the only one reading this Max, sorry), I think it would behoove you to include several autobiographical moments in your perpetually ethereal novel. You need all the cheat codes you can get to get this wretched thing off the ground. We should lock the name in on that sucker by the way, just to help save you some keystrokes at least. I know I wrote down ‘Elements of War’ a loooong time ago as a placeholder. And I can confirm as of Sunday, July 18 2021, I don’t like it. It’s no good. I look at other titles of other stories, looking for inspiration, and they all seem to work just fine for the story their attached to. Harry Potter is just the name of the main guy, and that worked INCREDIBLY well. “Harry Potter and the [insert magic themed adventure keywords here].” Foolproof.

The main problem I have with a title is simply the fact that I know so little about the contents of my book at this point. It stands to reason that the book should find a title for itself as part of the process of actually writing the book. Seeing the events transpire in the story from a bird’s eye view would give you just about everything you could possibly need to title your book. Choosing a title for a story BEFORE the story really exists feels a bit like working backwards, even though the title would technically be the first thing anyone reads. I guess I could see it plausibly being created in either order. You don’t necessarily need to know the entire story you are setting out to tell to understand the story you’ve shown up to tell. Breaking Bad ostensibly didn’t know many of the finer details of its story before Vince Gilligan picked its title. Hell, it didn’t know many of its details before literally airing on TV. And there was never any consideration of changing the title of the show retroactively, once the showrunners figured out the ending, right? Stories need a title. And I don’t think I’m making some irredeemable authorial error by picking out a title before getting too far into my story-writing process. Although I’m often reminded of the They Might be Giants song “Experimental Film” when I dream up things like titles or dramatic plot points or the like:

“I already know the ending, It’s the part that makes your face implode, I don’t know what makes your fact implode, But that’s the way the movie ends.”

We all want that awesome moment. We all want to create that life changing piece of art. But creating is hard, and dreaming is easy. Or rather, dreaming is natural. We all have a dream at night, we get one simply by virtue of being awake. Understanding the dream, communicating the dream is hard. Hell, communicating anything can be hard. Part of me thinks that creative project that will define my legacy (wow, try unpacking that sentence later buddy) will be an interview show where I work with my guest to try and manifest the story they dream of telling in there head, but have never tried to tell it. Tell me that’s not a million dollar idea! If Ira Glass announced that show next week and Barack Obama was his first guest, you better believe that thing’s taking off like the fucking Quinjet from the Avengers. But you wouldn’t even need a big celebrity guest! I believe that literally everyone has the ingredients of a completely unique story kicking around in their heads. And to conclude this thought, I will often times pretend I’m the guest on this podcast (of course it’s a podcast), and I’ll try to play out what that interview would sound like. And I’ll be honest, that show would need a VERY smart host to keep the flow going. And in my interview fantasy, I’m also the host; so it’s admittedly hard. I think the “Experimental Film” song would be the theme song for that show for SO MANY reasons.

Ok, I’ll be honest. I took yet another break in the middle of that last paragraph, and I may have lost the thread a teeny-tiny bit. So I’m going to try and finish out any relevant thoughts and then I’m going to do a hard break and just move on to a completely new thought.

I actually had an idea of what my (at least for now) title should be. ~The Franz Lion~ This is the name of the ship in the story that all the main characters travel on. This is the primary setting for the majority of AT LEAST the first series of events in the book. I imagine if my story moved far away from the boat, by that point I could that “Part 2,” or it could be like a whole second book. Like the first book is called The Franz Lion, but then a new book comes out and you find out the series is called like “The Greatest Windybilly”; and Book 2 is like “The Drowned.” I don’t know, and I don’t care at this moment. I just know that all signs point to “The Franz Lion” as a fine title for this book. I admittedly can see a world where it’s more of a phrase, like “Aboard the Franz Lion” or “Weaver and the Franz Lion”, but right now, I don’t see something like that being better than just “The Franz Lion”. 

The Franz Lion is one of the VERY FEW things that I feel like I’ve hit a home run on. That to me is a fucking great name for a boat. It’s memorable, unique, easy to get on board with. I am aware that the boat from Legend of Zelda: Windwaker was named “the King of Red Lions”, so it’s not COMPLETELY unique. But I’m pretty confident that there is plenty of real estate in the Lions + Boats territory. So confident, in fact, that I’m locking that name in HARD. And then the name of the boat just works great as a title. Literally no one would be confused or lost or tempted to look too far into it. AND THEN, if they did look into it, I think there would be puh-lenty of symbolism and theming to pull out of the boat’s significance in the characters’ lives. And man, I know we talked about autobiographical elements, that’s unmistakable; which I am legitimately happy about. Fran Lyon was a HUGE figure in my life. Our relationship signified a change in my life that I literally was never able to come back from. And using that as inspiration for a ship that literally carries the main character away on a life-changing adventure seems like as great a place as any in trying to tell MY story. One day I can be Kurt Vonnegat-like good at writing stories, and I won’t have to borrow from real life to make convincing plots and characters, but for now this makes all the sense in the world to me. So, yeah, The Franz Lion. It exists in my head and one day it will exist on paper. And then I can die I guess. Wouldn’t that be nice? I look forward to trying to bring a teensy bit to you on your calendar here. Wish me luck!

----------------------------------------------------

Ok that was the break. This wasn’t THAT hard. Thank God. Cuz we have to do a lot more than this to be satisfied. We quit our job on my 30th birthday in part because the notion that I was missing the chance to do *this* was constantly gnawing at the back of our head. Honestly the fact that I literally forgot that this was the writing project I was supposed to be doing for like 18 days may just be a testament to how hard I had been trying to just read. 

I bundled writing with reading when I decided that I needed to be writing more. I said, well writing IS reading, and I can’t just sit down and read for shit. So if I’m going to really put writing at the forefront of my brain, I’m going to have to read too, dammit. And then I tried to sit down and read for, no joke, 2 entire weeks. And it fucking killed me. Unbelievable. Unbelievable how hard it was to incorporate into my life. I still don’t get it. So I quit with the intention of picking up these habits. And then I would evaluate how fulfilling it all felt, before I continued onto my path of adult life. You know, working, trying to meet new people, idk what else.... etc. And now that I can confirm how hard it has been to really stick to this and grind out being creative, all I know at this point is I’m not ready to go back. I can tell I want to be more competent at all this before I can make an assessment on what role being creative will play for my future. Seemingly my whole life I have teetered back and forth between wanting to be creative and being too scared to really try, and wanting to have the full life that hard work gets you; you know, the life that society sculpts for you. A wife, kids, vacations, cooking, friends, parties, movies. It’s not a matter of figuring out how it all works, it’s just a matter of going out grinding it all out. Securing it all piece by piece by putting in the requisite work. It’s not easy, but it’s also not complicated. And I guess ultimately I like to think I’m not someone who’s afraid of hard work. But if I’m not afraid of hard work, then why have I not put in the work to secure a career or friends or a partner or physical fitness or anything? Because I don’t want to? Do I really not want to? Or maybe I AM afraid of hard work. 

But let’s take a second to unpack that. I put in hard work at Olivia’s. I truly did. I worked hard enough there to qualify as working hard, period. And it felt good. I know this. I shouldn’t forget that. I worked hard, it wasn’t impossible; it wasn’t unsustainable. And it felt good. This is mostly why I tell myself I’m not afraid of hard work. Because it’s not some dark mysterious unknown entity. I’ve been on the other side of it now. It’s the main reason I didn’t think I HAD to be creative anymore. I’ve seen the whole path of hard work, and it actually looked traversable. I sometimes wonder if I had been so drawn to being creative because I was so afraid of travelling on the path of hard honest work. It would explain why it felt so good to actually work hard for once. It would explain why the idea of abandoning the creative path felt so good once I had it. I would imagine the idea of quitting “comedy” would be a pretty mournful one, to someone like me who had clung so desperately to that dream for so long. But it wasn’t. It was a relief in a way. To know that I didn’t have to pull out some wild success in this tumultuous field to be ok; it felt like taking off a heavy backpack. I just felt more capable, more free. The simple act of allowing myself to “quit” felt ok simply by virtue of spending years of my life thinking I couldn’t do ANYTHING, and that being creative was the only way to be ok with the prospect of being alive. Thinking about abandoning that dream told me I was more normal than I had managed to be for over a decade at this point. I looked up for the first time since I had been in college and had the thought that I could work hard and succeed, whatever that might mean. College was the place I first realized I was useless, and now Olivia’s was where I realized that that wasn’t true, I just wasn’t old enough yet. I am aging much slower than the average population; I haven’t exactly figure out why yet. But it’s clear that I am. And for better or worse, this is THE factor that has cast me aside from the le person. Figuring out why would be nice, but the truly important thing to do clearly is to use this to my advantage. Get my leg up the world with my unique vantage point. And as far as I can tell, in fact it seems quite obvious to me, my leg up is going to come from a creative outlet. A twenty year old having his 30th birthday is only going to have diminishing returns in the traditional American dream. It’s like getting paid 70% of what my peers are making. Part of me knows that even 70% of the full salary isn’t that bad. It’s plenty if you’re a hard worker and know how to live in the moment; but another part of me knows that only a fool should take less than he’s earned. I don’t actually know if I can make up all this time I’ve lost, being the proverbial time traveler that I am. I don’t know how on earth I would ACTUALLY go about recouping my salary back to its rightful 100%. I can’t manifest lifelong friends; I can’t rewrite my relationship to my parents and siblings; I can’t pick up 10+ years of romantic experiences from a youtube video. I could technically go back to college, but I don’t really want to. I only want to do that as much as I want to hop in a time machine and actually be the age I’m supposed to. 

Now that I think about it, if there was a story about a man who accidentally travels to the future and the finds out the world moved on without him (I mean there is, it’s called Rip Van Winkle). Yeah, now that I think about it, my story is very similar to a Coma patient’s. I just seemingly was given less time than I was promised. And I have to deal with that. But, what I’m saying is, it stands to reason that if this WERE a story, that character wouldn’t shine under those circumstances. They would wilt. They would lament and diminish. Only the rarest and most inspiring would rise up and overcome their disadvantage. Because it is a disadvantage. It’s not a unique vantage point. It’s not a matter of optimism vs pessimism. The glass is not half-full or half-empty; it is considerably less full than halfway. 

Right?

Hmm. What is my point here? I have suffered. Unequivocally. And to suffer is to be alive. Again, unequivocally. So maybe my time-travelling has actually gone the other way. I’ve lived far longer than the scant 30 years my birth certificate claims. It certainly feels like longer than 30 years, even though the activity log of my life would disagree. Maybe that’s it. I’ve replaced my life with dreams. I’ve suffered in places where I was meant to thrive. And in doing so I’ve gone far under my quota of accomplishments and memories, and gone far over my quota of misery and regrets. In that sense I’ve lived out less of my life that I was meant to in some ways and lived out substantially more of my life in other ways. And I can’t say that unhappy (or rather that I don’t love myself as I am), but I can see why I never ever heard anybody recommend living your life this way. 

“I am young. I am old”

Why can’t I be the age I am? Why was that so hard to accomplish? What did I need to do to fix that? And why do people think I should enjoy my birthday? Can’t they see I’ve been time-traveling? This birthday was for someone else. I don’t actually know when my birthday is. I only know when it isn’t.

Now that I’ve thought about it, I think a time-traveler is a perfectly fine person to be a creative type. He might not be the smartest or the fastest, and he’ll never be the happiest; but it’s safe to say he cheated and got wiser than his peers will ever get a chance to. At least if he was paying attention he got wiser. We all know what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. But then we all go spending our life trying to get stronger, and rarely do we ever get close enough to getting killed. So I have to show up like the man that survived the fatal disease, and got stronger than anyone should have to, without even really trying*.

Ok calling it here. Day 1 in the books. The daily blog is still at 100% completion rate! Nice

Love you, be good.

[pedrospascalls]

group plot based on famous 70s + 80s songs

cast of characters:

summer of ‘69: kip novak 

keep on loving you: stevie jones

jessie’s girl: elijah cohen

straight up: noelle holmes

can’t fight this feeling: cara thorne

i want you to want me: mack knight

your love:  devi knight

your song: clarissa devereux

one of us: [male]

heart of glass: rivkah aaron

heroes: donnie di stefano

total eclipse of the heart: bubblegum fortescue

let’s set the scene: the year is 2013 and the tabloids love to each up the stories about this group, appropriately named “the yhb, or the young hollywood bunch.” they were frequently seen together, whether it was visiting each other on set, each others homes, or at secret underground parties that were only seen via social media stories. they were never not seen without at least a couple of them at events, and every teenager in america was obsessed with being part of “the yhb.”

kip novak and some of the other eerie occurrences cast were the ringleaders that brought them all together. some had been in hollywood since they were kids, others just starting out, and others more or less just extensions of their famous relatives. since 2013, the group has regularly vacationed together and kept up their friendship despite all the drama that has occurred in it. the yhb were there for each other during it all, especially how hard it can be to be young and in hollywood.

below is the breakdown of how all the songs/characters intertwine besides being members of the yhb too. what is important to note is that these don’t have dates on them, so that is kind of up to your interpretation for when each element started or ended, and we can definitely discuss in server about it all too.

kip and stevie met through elijah and immediately clicked. they were young and stupid and really fucking passionate. what started as a teenage fling grew into a lot more than they were willing to let on. for a long time they were “nothing serious,” despite the fact everybody in the group knew never to come in between them. but eventually something clicked for them and they made the leap into a serious relationship. it lasted longer than most people expected, but still not that long before kip decided to self-sabotage and did everything in his power to get stevie to break up with him. it was messy, painful, and stupid...and kip made an even bigger mistake by sleeping with devi after the break-up as a way to solidify that they really can’t work. 

except kip has since realized that stevie is everything he wants, but can no longer have. he desperately wants to go back to before it all got fucked up, and stevie feels that in her heart too...but he hurt her badly and she can’t trust him anymore. besides, she feels she has moved on with donnie, and he can make her happy and are healthy for her. elijah didn’t know noelle very well at first. at first they barely batted an eye when noelle came around. it wasn’t until noelle started dating cara that he saw her for the first time in a different way. something about not being able to have her if he wanted to anymore was what set him over the edge. at first it started out as just lusting for the object of his affections, but then it turned into more. by now, elijah can’t stop thinking about noelle and showcases this in small ways...and by getting underneath the sheets with mack. noelle has never been more confused than she is in this exact moment. she’s been with cara for some time now, but it has gotten to the point where she isn’t sure if cara is in it anymore. she’s confused and hurt, and desperately just wants cara to admit what she is hiding from noelle. at the same time, noelle has taken to unloading her feelings on elijah in hopes that she might have an answer [being close friends with cara and everything].

meanwhile, what cara isn’t telling noelle is that she is actually in love with mack. before noelle and cara began dating, there was a moment between mack and her. they had been best friends for years, but they had shared a kiss that was left buried for the past year. [it was mack that kissed cara]. cara brushed it off in hopes that she wouldn’t have to talk about it anymore, and then went on to date noelle. 

but as the months went on, and the two stopped talking, she realized her true feelings. and mack had to watch on the outskirts while just internally begging cara to want her back. she turned to elijah during this time and the two have dried their tears with each other’s beds.

after hooking up with kip shortly after his break up, devi decided she wanted more with him. the two had been friends for as long as everybody else, but devi had lusted after him for longer than she’d like to have let on. it was always a game of cat and mouse with the two. but the hook up was nothing more than that [and it stoked a fire in the group as a whole], and devi wanted more. in an effort to make kip jealous, she began to “see” clary. 

it was meant to be a casual thing, but it developed quickly into something a little more intimate. devi maintains that it was just to make kip jealous, but there was something deep down that she knew was actually there between the two. so much so that clary ended up drunkenly confessing her love for devi one night. it was meant to be just a party, but the night ended abruptly with this confession...in front of everybody. devi left quickly, and clary was left to drink her feelings away even more...now stuck in limbo in what to do. 

one of us and rivkah were the longest standing relationship in the yhb. they had been together for longer than anybody could remember, really. or perhaps it was just how the group felt about them, having seen them grow with each other. but what is good can only last for so long, and one of us started to feel suffocated. he wanted to separate himself from rivkah and experience life without her for once. and so he broke it off, abruptly too. it made the whole group suddenly split as well, desperate to decide whose side to take and how to still see each other without these two together. rivkah is learning to pick up the pieces of her heart now and unsure whether or not to hate one of us or love him still. 

meanwhile, one of us has started to realize that life without rivkah is not all that it’s cracked up to be. he has started to regret his decision but know he hurt rivkah so badly that there may not be a way back. besides, clary and rivkah have been bonding over their mutual heartbreak and one of us doesn’t really know what to make of it.

donnie and bubbles dated once upon a time, but now donnie is dating stevie. he is really into stevie and desperately wants it to work out. he thinks they are good together, which they are, and although their relationship is new, they think they can make it work long term. unfortunately, that means donnie is also completely oblivious to bubbles’s resurfaced feelings and affections for him.

bubbles isn’t hiding her feelings either. she doesn’t quite care that donnie is dating stevie and firmly believes the two shouldn’t really be together. she’s started reaching out to one of us, who is going through a similar thing of wanting an ex back, and the two have been attempting to devise a plan to get their loved ones back.  a map to help you!! https://i.postimg.cc/rmNCN9Md/New-Mind-Map.png 

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

Horror movie recommendations

This list was originally posted in 2017 but has been updated for Halloween 2018.

I’ve been compiling this list for months and thought what better time to post it than October just in time for Halloween? Below is 50+ horror movie recommendations and a smaller list at the end of non-recommendations. 

Some general info:

This is a completely subjective list of my personal favourites and I’m not saying these are the best horror movies ever, since there’s still a tonne of horror movies out there that I haven’t watched and everyone’s preferences are different. 

My general tastes lean more towards the slasher, psychological, supernatural/paranormal and thriller/mystery sub-genres, which this list will reflect. 

Not a fan of found-footage, sci-fi, monster (including vampires, zombies, werewolves etc.) or virus sub-genres, so you won’t see many movies that fall under these categories. 

I haven’t seen many of the ‘classic’ horrors pre-dating the 70′s, so there won’t be many included.

All rec’s include the title, year, genre, main cast, summary, IMDb rating and a personal overview (none of which contain any spoilers).

Movies with asterisks are ones I consider must-see’s. 

At the end there’s also a small list of movies I advise avoiding and/or that have a better reputation than I think they deserve.

Amityville Horror (2005) 

Type: Paranormal/Haunted house/Possession

Starring: Ryan Reynolds & Melissa George

Summary: Newlyweds are terrorized by demonic forces after moving into a large house that was the site of a grisly mass murder a year before. 

IMDB rating: 6/10

This is your standard haunted house/possession film, but I think the acting from Ryan and Melissa is strong and since it’s based on a true story, it’s kind of chilling. 

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)*

Type: Slasher/Supernatural

Starring: Heather Langenkamp & Robert Englund 

Summary: Several people are hunted by a cruel serial killer who kills his victims in their dreams. While the survivors are trying to find the reason for being chosen, the murderer won’t lose any chance to kill them as soon as they fall asleep.

IMDB rating: 7.5/10

A Nightmare on Elm Street is an absolute classic and a must-see for any horror fan. Admittedly, on my recent re-watch I found it more comedic than anything else, but Freddy Krueger still stands out to me as being one of the most terrifying serial killers from a movie. Freddy’s back-story adds to his creepiness and the idea of being murdered in your dreams is something that’ll probably keep you up at night, particularly if it’s your first time watching.

A Quiet Place (2018)*

Type: Sci-Fi

Starring: Emily Blunt & John Krasinski

Summary: In a post-apocalyptic world, a family is forced to live in silence while hiding from monsters with ultra-sensitive hearing.

IMDB rating: 7.7/10

A suspenseful and heart-wrenching movie following a family’s survival in a post apocalyptic world. Along with Hush, this is the only horror I’ve seen to include a deaf character, which sets the entire mood for the movie in which the family need to out-wit monsters with super hearing. By far one of the best horror movies to come out in recent years.

Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016)

Type: Supernatural

Starring: Brian Cox & Emile Hirsch

Summary: A father and son, both coroners, are pulled into a complex mystery while attempting to identify the body of a young woman, who was apparently harboring dark secrets.

IMDB rating: 6.8/10

What I like about this movie is that the idea behind it is quite unique and slightly steps away from the traditional slasher/possession/cult sub-genres we see a lot of within horror. It’s set in a morgue which instantly sets the tone for the entire movie. The build-up is somewhat slow but trust me, shit will hit the fan. The face of Jane Doe will haunt you forever and there is something inexplicably terrifying about a dead body having the power to wreak havoc, because how the hell do you stop it? 

  The Boy (2016)

Type: Thriller/Psychological 

Starring: Lauren Cohan & Rupert Evans

Summary: An American nanny is shocked that her new English family’s boy is actually a life-sized doll. After she violates a list of strict rules, disturbing events make her believe that the doll is really alive.

IMDB rating: 6/10

I didn’t expect to like this one, but gave it a try and was pleasantly surprised. It’s not particularly scary, more tense and somewhat creepy (if you’re like me and dolls give you the heebie jeebies). Lauren Cohan is amazing as the lead and there’s a twist at the end that you just won’t see coming. 

The Bye Bye Man (2017)

Type: Psychological

Starring: Douglas Smith & Lucien Laviscount

Summary: Three friends stumble upon the horrific origins of a mysterious figure they discover is the root cause of the evil behind unspeakable acts.

IMDB rating: 4.3/10

I’m genuinely surprised at how low the rating is for this movie and how many bad reviews it has. Is it the best horror movie ever? No, not at all. But is it worth watching? Yeah, definitely. I went in with low expectations but it managed to keep me hooked until the end. The psychological elements in it are what make it so interesting to me. You never quite know what’s real and what’s not and I feel like the idea behind it is slightly different than the general ones that are overused. There’s definitely some jump scare moments in there and the concept behind The Bye Bye Man is very interesting (although more back-story and explanation to how and why he came to be could’ve improved it). The biggest flaw I can think of, which I can only assume is the reason for the low ratings, is that the acting is pretty mediocre and the characters are one dimensional. But for me that wasn’t much of an issue since the plot was interesting enough to keep me watching. 

The Cabin in the Woods (2011)

Type: Psychological 

Starring: Chris Hemsworth & Kristen Connolly Summary: Five friends go for a break at a remote cabin, where they get more than they bargained for, discovering the truth behind the cabin in the woods.

IMDB rating: 7/10

The ending of this film is slightly “eh” to me and gets a little out of control, but I still rate it as being a generally good movie. The cabin isn’t what you expect and it will definitely play with your head. 

Carrie (2013)

Type: Supernatural

Starring: Chloe Grace Mortez & Judy Greer Summary: A shy girl, outcast by her peers and sheltered by her religious mother, unleashes telekinetic terror on her small town after being pushed too far at her senior prom.

IMDB rating: 5.9/10

This is a remake of the 1976 original and I know remakes generally aren’t popular or well-liked, but I enjoyed this. I haven’t seen the original so perhaps my opinion would be different if I had, but Chloe Mortez does a fantastic job as Carrie, and you won’t know whether to hate her or love her. 

Case 39 (2009)

Type: Psychological/Supernatural

Starring: Renée Zellweger & Ian McShane Summary: A social worker fights to save a girl from her abusive parents, only to discover that the situation is more dangerous than she ever expected.

IMDB rating: 6.2/10

Renée Zellweger is a fantastic actress and seeing her name on any movie is usually a good sign (excluding Texas Chainsaw Massacre). Her performance in this movie is great and the little girl Lillith will freak you out, because evil children are always more chilling than evil adults. Kind of has an ‘Orphan’ vibe, which is probably why I like it. 

Child’s Play (1988)*

Type: Slasher/Supernatural

Starring: Catherine Hicks & Chris Sarandon Summary: A single mother gives her son a much sought after doll for his birthday, only to discover that it is possessed by the soul of a serial killer.

IMDB rating: 6.5/10

I feel like this movie isn’t as popular as I’d expect it to be amongst horror fans and I do kind of understand why. The idea that a doll would be able to over-power and kill a fully grown adult is ludicrous (and hilarious), but nonetheless this movie is a classic for the slasher genre. It’s wacky, kooky and out there, but it’s supposed to be. Chucky is a comedic killer with personality, which is a nice change from the usual faceless, voiceless, killers that have no back-story or depth and just go around with a knife stabbing people. It probably will make you laugh more than a horror movie should, but give it a try if you haven’t already. And if you like the first one, there’s 5 more movies to watch. None are as good as the first and when it gets to the fourth and fifth installments - Bride of Chucky (1998) and Seed of Chucky (2004), it gets incredibly silly, but I still got a kick out of watching them. If you’re looking for a movie that will genuinely scare and horrify you, this franchise really isn’t the right way to go, but it will make you laugh with it’s dark humor and it incorporates just enough gore to qualify as a horror of sorts.

Circle (2015)

Type: Mystery/Drama

Starring: Allegra Masters & Aimee McKay Summary: Held captive and faced with their imminent executions, fifty strangers are forced to choose the one person among them who deserves to live.

IMDB rating: 6/10

This is another on this very long list that was much better than I expected it to be. The premise is interesting and gripped me from the beginning. It keeps you in suspense throughout, but the ending is underwhelming and there’s room for improvement. However, overall this is a relatively enjoyable viewing experience which poses many questions about humanity, morality and gets the viewer questioning what they would do in the same situation and how far we would go to survive.

The Conjuring (2013) & The Conjuring 2 (2016)*

Type: Paranormal/Haunted house/Posession

Starring: Patrick Wilson & Vera Farmiga Summary: Paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren work to help a family terrorized by a dark presence in their farmhouse.

IMDB rating: 7.5/10

The Conjuring movies are by far some of the best in the genre. Aside from the fact that Vera Farmiga is amazing and I love her, both movies have a strong cast of characters that make it easy to connect to the families involved as well as Ed and Lorraine. The stories are well written, there’s lots of jump-scare moments and the fact that both movies are based on true stories taken from the biographies of the real Ed and Lorraine Warren adds to the fear factor. I’m generally not easy to scare, but these two did get to me. Also, after you’ve watched them, research the true stories they’re based on, it’ll have much more of an impact.

Don’t Breathe (2016)

Type: Psychological 

Starring: Stephen Lang & Jane Levy

Summary: Hoping to walk away with a massive fortune, a trio of thieves break into the house of a blind man who isn’t as helpless as he seems.

IMDB rating: 7.2/10

I actually walked in on my parents watching this one day and found myself rooted to the sofa, unable to stop watching. It’s very, very tense, so much so that I actually stopped breathing myself in parts! Let’s just say that being blind certainly isn’t a hindrance to this guy. 

Don’t Hang Up (2016)

Type: Psychological

Starring: Gregg Sulkin & Garrett Clayton

Summary: An evening of drunken prank calls becomes a nightmare for a pair of teenagers when a mysterious stranger turns their own game against them…with deadly consequences.

IMDB rating: 5.7/10

I watched on a whim, not expecting to like it, but I did. It will keep you engaged and the anti slowly increases bit by bit. There’s also a motive for the person on the other end of the phone which you won’t necessarily see coming.

Emelie (2015)

Type: Thriller/Psychological

Starring: Sarah Bolger & Carly Adams

Summary: A couple’s replacement babysitter turns out to be more than they bargained for when she subjects their kids to a series of twisted activities.

IMDB rating: 5.4/10

This is another I decided to watched on a whim, mostly because I saw Sarah Bolger’s face, but I actually ended up enjoying it. It’s not really that scary, but is creepy in parts and kept me hooked until the end. Once again, there’s a motive and reason behind her actions, which is always more interesting than someone just doing something because they can or because they’re bored.

Final Destination (2000)*

Type: Psychological/Supernatural

Starring: Devon Sawa & Ali Larter

Summary: After a teenager has a terrifying vision of him and his friends dying in a plane crash, he prevents the accident only to have Death hunt them down, one by one.

IMDB rating: 6.7/10

I’m pretty sure everyone has seen or at least heard of Final Destination. Again, not necessarily a horror, but still has it’s moments and is a classic. Obviously, there are 5+ Final Destination movies now, which are all good, but the first is definitely the best. What I love most about these movies is how creative and unique the deaths are. You never know how the next person will die, but you know it’s gonna be epic.

Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

Type: Slasher/Supernatural

Starring: Robert Englund & Ken Kirzinger

Summary: Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees return to terrorize the teenage population. Except this time, they're out to get each other, too.

IMDB rating: 5.8/10

Don’t let the slightly low rating put you off. This is one of my guilty pleasure faves. Combining two of the most infamous slasher killers in the world and the result is rather satisfying. Just like A Nightmare on Elm Street, this isn’t a movie that particularly takes itself seriously. It’s a fun ride and great to see Freddy and Jason go head to head in a bloody stand off. 

Get Out (2017)*

Type: Psychological/Thriller

Starring: Daniel Kaluuya & Allison Williams

Summary: It’s time for a young African American to meet with his white girlfriend’s parents for a weekend in their secluded estate in the woods, but before long, the friendly and polite ambience will give way to a nightmare.

IMDB rating: 7.8/10

I watched this after hearing good things about it and certainly wasn’t disappointed. Not necessarily what I’d class as a horror, but certainly a thriller and boy, oh boy, did this give me the creeps. The tactics that are used are so subtle and not in your face but so effective. The story will go in a direction you just will not predict (trust me) and will probably make you a little reluctant to meet your future in-laws haha. 

Gothika (2003)

Type: Psychological/Supernatural

Starring: Halle Berry & Robert Downey Jr.

Summary:  A repressed female psychiatrist wakes up as a patient in the asylum where she worked, with no memory of why she is there or what she has done.

IMDB rating: 5.8/10

This movie isn’t necessarily the scariest, but has a strong cast with Halle Berry, Robert Downey Jr. and Penelope Cruz and will play with your mind, particularly in the beginning. There’s an element of crime/mystery as Halle Berry’s character tries to piece together how/why she came to be in the asylum and who murdered her husband, which adds to the intrigue. 

The Green Inferno (2013)

Type: Gory

Starring: Lorenza Izzo & Ariel Levy

Summary: A group of student activists travels to the Amazon to save the rain forest and soon discover that they are not alone, and that no good deed goes unpunished.

IMDB rating: 5.3/10

It isn’t perfect, but I actually liked this movie (I only watched it this year, 2018). I like that as far-fetched as it is, it also feels feasible in a way. For many minorities around the world white people are the enemy and if they had the chance to persecute them for all the suffering they endure at their hands, they would. It’s dramatic and the gore reminds me of movies such as Saw and Hostel. 

Halloween (1978)*

Type: Slasher

Starring: Donald Pleasence & Jamie Lee Curtis

Summary: Fifteen years after murdering his sister on Halloween night 1963, Michael Myers escapes from a mental hospital and returns to the small town of Haddonfield to kill again.

IMDB rating: 7.8/10

Halloween is the first horror movie I ever saw and is what piqued my interest in the horror genre. For that reason, it will always be one of my favourites. It’s by far one of the most well-known and defining slasher movies and a true classic. The music alone will give you the creeps, but throw in a masked murderer (and one that apparently can’t be killed) and you’ll be in for a scare. As with most popular franchises Halloween has so many movies that I’ve lost count, but there are continuation issues with most of them and nothing can beat the original. The only other in the franchise I’d specifically recommend watching is ‘H20: 20 Years Later’ (1998), which you can watch immediately after the 1978  original and still understand what’s going on. This is the perfect Halloween movie (the clue is in the title) and it’s a tradition of mine to watch it every October.

Horns (2013)*

Type: Supernatural/Fantasy

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe & Juno Temple

Summary: In the aftermath of his girlfriend’s mysterious death, a young man awakens to find strange horns sprouting from his temples.

IMDB rating: 6.5/10

After the disappointment of ‘Woman in Black’ I didn’t have high hopes for this one, but I actually loved it. It had my stepbrother and I glued to the screen for the entire two hours it was on, which is a big deal since he can barely go without his XBox for more than 5 minutes. It’s weird, out there and not what you expect going in, but it really just works. The fantasy, supernatural and religious influences create an interesting and unique story. It also manages to incorporate comedy with more serious themes and even manages to depict an intriguing murder mystery and compelling love story amongst all that. Daniel Radcliffe is great as the lead and this is the first movie I saw of his that really stopped me from seeing him as Harry Potter and opened my eyes to the talented and adaptable actor he is. Overall, the movie is a mish mash of many different genres and themes (so for that reason may not be to everyone’s tastes) and I wouldn’t necessarily class it as a horror in the traditional sense, but it has elements of it and definitely stands out to me as being a unique movie that is a must-see.

House at the End Of The Street (2012)

Type: Thriller/Psychological 

Starring: Jennifer Lawrence & Max Thieriot

Summary: After moving with her mother to a small town, a teenager finds that an accident happened in the house at the end of the street. Things get more complicated when she befriends a boy who was the only survivor of the accident.

IMDB rating: 5.6/10

I feel like this movie deserves more credit. Jennifer Lawrence and Max Thieriot do a great job and although it does take a while to get into the nitty gritty of the story, it’s engaging from beginning to end. And maybe I’m just bad at predicting these things, but there’s a twist that you just won’t see coming. 

Hush (2016)

Type: Psychological/Slasher

Starring: Kate Siege & John Gallagher Jr.

Summary: A deaf writer who retreated into the woods to live a solitary life must fight for her life in silence when a masked killer appears at her window.

IMDB rating: 6.6/10

I saw the synopsis for this movie and didn’t expect to like it at all. After all, how entertaining can it be to watch a deaf woman stumble about running from killers for an hour and a half? Boy, how wrong was I. It’s incredibly tense, particularly in those moments where it’s completely silent and we get to experience it through the senses of the main character, Maddie, who is trooper and incredibly tactical and resourceful in her battle for survival. 

Identity (2003)*

Type: Thriller/Mystery

Starring: John Cusack & Ray Liotta

Summary: Stranded at a desolate Nevada motel during a nasty rain-storm, ten strangers become acquainted with each other when they realize that they're being killed off one by one.

IMDB rating: 7.3/10

Incident in a Ghostland*

Type: Psychological

Starring: Crystal Reed & Mylène Farmer

Summary: A mother of two who inherits a house is confronted with murderous intruders on the first night in their new home and fights for her daughters' lives. Sixteen years later when the daughters reunite at the house, things get really strange.

IMDB rating: 6.3/10

The best new horror movie I’ve seen in years. In fact, I would include this in my top 20 favourite horrors of all time (maybe even top 10). A truly gritty, raw psychological horror with twists and turns that leaves you haunted long after it has ended. With all of the mediocre horrors that have been released in recent years, Incident in a Ghostland reminded me exactly why I love horror so much and does everything a truly good horror should do.

Insidious (2010)*

Type: Paranormal/Posession

Starring: Patrick Wilson & Rose Byrne

Summary: A family looks to prevent evil spirits from trapping their comatose child in a realm called The Further.

IMDB rating: 6.8/10

There’s a reason these movies have earned so much recognition and are included on almost every top list of horror movies I’ve ever seen. It’s easy to think this movie will be your standard possession movie, but it takes it that step further by making you connect with the family and giving Patrick Wilson’s character a personal journey of self-discovery and growth. He uncovers secrets from his childhood as he tries to save his son from the same entity that plagued him as a child. There’s three movies in this franchise and I’d recommend watching all of them if you enjoy the first one.

Intruders (2015)

Type: Psychological/Thriller

Starring: Rory Culkin & Leticia Jimenez

Summary: Anna suffers from agoraphobia so crippling that when a trio of criminals break into her house, she cannot bring herself to flee. But what the intruders don’t realize is that agoraphobia is not her only problem.

IMDB rating: 5.7/10

I randomly put this movie on one night when my stepsister was round just to have on in the background and before I knew it we were both glued to the screen. How it ends is not the direction you expect it to take at all and I always like movies that have a twist at the end. It has a kind of ‘Don’t Breathe’ vibe with the intruders getting a lot more than they bargained for and just like ‘Don’t Breathe’ it’ll keep you engaged until the end. 

The Invitation (2015)

Type: Thriller/Psychological

Starring: Logan Marshall-Green & Emayatzy Corinealdi

Summary: While attending a dinner party at his former home, a man thinks his ex-wife and her new husband have sinister intentions for their guests.

IMDB rating: 6.7/10

This is by far one of my favorite films I watched in 2017. There’s not many movies that can have me on the edge of my seat and questioning everything pretty much until the end, but this movie succeeded in doing exactly that. It makes you constantly question reality and whether the main protagonist, Will, is suffering from a psychotic break or his suspicions truly are justified. I’ve never studied film, so I’m unable to dissect it in a proper or adequate way, but what I will say is there is something about the way in which it’s filmed, directed and edited that perfectly portrays the apprehension, uncertainty, distress and suspense, particularly from Will’s perspective. My one critique is that I feel the ending could’ve been taken a step further and had more surprises thrown in there, since it was so tense all the way through but became a little predictable in the last 20 minutes. Despite this, it’s a great movie and also a very interesting exploration of grief and how it can deeply affect a person’s psyche. Definitely more of a thriller than a horror, but I enjoyed it a lot.

I Spit On Your Grave (2010)

Type: Psychological/Slasher

Starring: Sarah Butler & Jeff Branson

Summary: A writer who is brutalized during her cabin retreat seeks revenge on her attackers, who left her for dead.

IMDB rating: 6.4/10

This is the one movie I debated whether to include, because it’s so controversial. The original was released in 1978 and this is a remake, so I can’t speak to whether the original is better or to what degree the remake follows the original. All I will say is that it’s definitely not one for the faint hearted and I’d recommend anyone that considers watching it to take extreme caution before doing so. The first time I heard about this was from my stepbrother who told me it was so brutal and graphic that it’s been banned or censored in almost every country it’s been released in and after seeing it, I can understand why.  I have a strong stomach and I’ve seen so many horror movies that it takes a lot for something to affect me, but this really did. And honestly, that’s the sole reason I’m including it on this list, because in my opinion, any horror movie that sticks in my mind and continues to haunt me after I’ve seen it is one that’s done it’s job. The main warning I need to give is about the rape scenes which are extremely long (according to Wiki up to 30 minutes long), graphic and difficult to watch. There were a few times when I had to close my eyes and remind myself it was just a movie, because it really felt like I was watching this poor woman get raped and tortured. There’s a lot of gore too in comparison to most of the other movies on this list and the killings are very sadistic and violent. Basically, after the first 15 minutes this film is intense and horrific from start to end. 

  Jennifer’s Body (2009)*

Type: Supernatural

Starring: Megan Fox & Amanda Seyfried

Summary: A newly possessed high school cheerleader turns into a succubus who specializes in killing her male classmates. Can her best friend put an end to the horror?

IMDB rating: 5.1/10

In many ways this movie is trash, but god, I love it. It’s nothing how you’d expect a movie featuring Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried to be, which is what makes it so great. As always Amanda’s acting is A+ and although Megan is sexualised (as she is in every movie she’s in), she makes a pretty convincing and at times scary villain that you love to hate and hate to love. The two actresses are the perfect contrast to one another, as are their characters and the dynamic between Jennifer and Needy is an interesting one to watch. It’s definitely more of a parody or spoof than a genuine horror, but the movie owns itself and doesn’t try to be anything other than what it is, which is why I think it’s so great. And despite being humorous and cliche in part, I’d argue that it has it’s scary moments (particularly the scene where Jennifer goes to Needy’s house after the fire) and interesting characterisation for both the main characters, who are actually nothing but innocent victims that are thrown into chaos. 

The Last House On The Left (2009)

Type: Psychological

Starring: Garret Dillahunt & Monica Potter 

Summary: After kidnapping and brutally assaulting two young women, a gang unknowingly finds refuge at a vacation home belonging to the parents of one of the victims: a mother and father who devise an increasingly gruesome series of revenge tactics.

IMDB rating: 6.6/10

This is your standard rape/revenge movie and reminds me of ‘I Spit On Your Grave’ but a tamer version. It’s good and worth a watch but nothing special, which I base on the fact that I re-watched it recently and didn’t even realise I’d seen it before until over half way through when I thought, “Huh, this seems familiar”. Before you watch, I should warn you that the rape scene is graphic and distressing. 

Lights Out (2016)

Type: Supernatural

Starring: Teresa Palmer & Gabriel Bateman

Summary: Rebecca must unlock the terror behind her little brother’s experiences that once tested her sanity, bringing her face to face with an entity attached to their mother.

IMDB rating: 6.4/10

This is another one of those movies I decided to watch on a whim, expecting it not to be very good and it actually surprised me. I really liked the lead character (which is a rarity for me) and got on board with her and her family. The “entity’s” connection to the family is explored and it’s Rebecca’s job to  save herself and her family from it. Not one for those scared of the dark (hah!). 

Orphan (2009)*

Type: Thriller/Psychological

Starring: Vera Farmiga & Peter Sarsgaard

Summary: A husband and wife who recently lost their baby adopt a 9 year-old girl who is not nearly as innocent as she claims to be.

IMDB rating: 7/10

By far one of the best horror/thriller movies I’ve ever seen. Vera Farmiga brings her A game to any role she plays and this movie is no exception. This probably is more of a thriller than a horror and there’s a slow build, but it will keep you gripped. Generally with most movies there’s a level of predictability, but trust me, you will not guess the twist with this one. It’s still one of the only times I can recount being truly shocked at a movie, and although it’s not necessarily scary, it’s incredibly chilling and might make you reconsider adopting in the future.

Oujia: Origin of Evil (2016)

Type: Supernatural/Possession/Haunted house

Starring: Elizabeth Reaser & Lulu Wilson

Summary: In 1967 Los Angeles, a widowed mother and her 2 daughters add a new stunt to bolster their seance scam business, inviting an evil presence into their home.

IMDB rating: 6.1/10

This is a very underrated movie. I feel like the title insinuates it’s gonna suck, but it’s actually really good. It has a similar vibe to ‘The Conjuring’ with a little girl getting possessed, but it’s executed very well and has its scary moments.

Pet (2016)

Type: Thriller/Psychological  

Starring: Dominic Monaghan & Ksenia Solo

Summary: A psychological thriller about a man who bumps into an old crush and subsequently becomes obsessed with her, leading him to hold her captive underneath the animal shelter where he works. But what will the victim have in store for her captor?

IMDB rating: 5.7/10

This is one of those movies where the only thought that goes through your head the entire time is, “What sick fuck thought of this?”. Dominic Monaghan is an actor I personally love and he’s great in this movie (if you’re able to overlook his poor American accent, which I admit I struggled with at times) and trust me when I say that how this movie starts, is nothing close to how it will end. 

The Purge (2013)

Type: Psychological/Thriller

Starring: Ethan Hawke & Lena Headey

Summary: A wealthy family are held hostage for harboring the target of a murderous syndicate during the Purge, a 12-hour period in which any and all crime is legal.

IMDB rating: 5.7/10

Another movie on the list that I wouldn’t necessarily class as a horror, but which is scary purely based on the fact that this is something that could feasibly happen in the future. All crimes are legalised for 24 hours and anything can happen. The summary speaks for itself really. 

The Ring (2002)

Type: Supernatural 

Starring: Naomi Watts & Martin Henderson

Summary: A journalist must investigate a mysterious videotape which seems to cause the death of anyone in a week of viewing it.

IMDB rating: 7.1/10

This is well-known within the horror genre, because it quite simply delivers. It’s scary and every time I watch it I still feel a surge of panic whenever the videotape comes on screen and afterwards dread the sound of my phone going off. It’s simple but effectively scary and a classic.

Saw (2004)*

Type: Slasher/Gore 

Starring: Cary Elwes & Leigh Whannell

Summary: Two strangers awaken in a room with no recollection of how they got there or why, and soon discover they are pawns in a deadly game perpetrated by a notorious serial killer.

IMDB rating: 7.7/10

Saw is another classic in the horror genre and one I go back to re-watch again and again. It’s a gore fest and I don’t know many people that have the stomach to sit through it, but it actually has a lot more to it than that. There’s a story behind Jigsaw, the killer, which is built upon across the franchise (I’d recommend watching all of the movies) and even the victims have back stories that are sometimes quite interesting. Just like ‘Final Destination’, it’s fascinating to see what the next death trap Jigsaw sets up will be like and whether or not the person will make it out alive. The music also gives me shivers whenever I hear it. It’s up there with the Halloween soundtrack as being my fave.

Scream (1996)*

Type: Slasher

Starring: Neve Campbell & Courteney Cox

Summary: A year after the murder of her mother, a teenage girl is terrorized by a new killer, who targets the girl and her friends by using horror films as part of a deadly game.

IMDB rating: 7.2/10

How can anyone that enjoys horror movies not have seen Scream at least once? For me, this will always be at the top of my list as being the best horror movie. A strong cast, characters that viewers are actually able to connect to (Sidney is badass, Dewey is a loveable dork and Gale is that character you have a love-hate relationship with), interesting back-story that has continuity across the franchise (unlike Halloween) and a shit-ton of horror tropes classic to the horror genre that are both scary and at times funny. Again, I’d recommend watching all of the movies in the triology (even Scream 4 isn’t bad), but the first stands out to me as being the best, simply because nothing can beat the reveal of the killer. 

Shaun Of The Dead (2004)*

Type: Comedy/Zombie

Starring: Simon Pegg & Nick Frost

Summary: A man decides to turn his moribund life around by winning back his ex-girlfriend, reconciling his relationship with his mother, and dealing with an entire community that has returned from the dead to eat the living.

IMDB rating: 8/10

I’m not a huge fan of horror comedies, but Shaun Of The Dead is an exception. This isn’t just one of my fave movies from the horror genre, but of all time. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are the ultimate comedic pairing and bounce off each other so well. The humor is spot on, actually laugh out loud funny (unlike Scary Movie), it’s cleverly written and witty, but also manages to incorporate an appropriate amount of gore and emotion. Just please go and watch this movie, you won’t regret it. I’d also just like to point out as a final point, that there’s a reason this is the most highly rated movie on IMDB off this list. 

The Shallows (2016)

Type: Thriller/Shark

Starring: Blake Lively

Summary: A mere 200 yards from shore, surfer Nancy is attacked by a great white shark, with her short journey to safety becoming the ultimate contest of wills.

IMDB rating: 6.4/10

Now, I’ve seen my fair share of shark movies over the years and it’s an area I tend to steer clear of because they’re inevitably always complete and utter shite, but not this one. I was pleasantly surprised at just how engrossed I became with this movie. Usually when I’m watching something I’ll pause midway through to grab some snacks or I’ll browse social media for a few minutes, but with this I remained glue to my screen from beginning to end. I think what makes this movie so good in comparison to other shark movies I’ve seen is Blake Lively’s performance. She does an amazing job as the lead, particularly considering 90% of the movie is of her on her own. Nancy is a pragmatic character that really fights tooth (excuse the pun) and nail to survive and she makes you really root for her. It does drag a little towards the end, but overall I enjoyed this movie and although I wouldn’t exactly class it a horror, most sites list it as being so. 

The Shining (1980)*

Type: Psychological/Supernatural

Starring: Jack Nicholson & Shelley Duvall

Summary: A family heads to an isolated hotel for the winter where an evil spiritual presence influences the father into violence, while his psychic son sees horrific forebodings from the past and of the future.

IMDB rating: 8.4/10

An absolute classic to the horror genre that most of you will likely already have seen. Surprisingly, I only got around to watching this in 2018 (although I’d seen snippets of it before, I’d never watched it properly) and it met all of my expectations. It’s movies like these that represent everything that’s amazing in the horror genre. 

Sinister (2012)

Type: Supernatural

Starring: Ethan Hawke & Juliet Rylance

Summary: Washed-up true-crime writer Ellison Oswalt finds a box of super 8 home movies that suggest the murder he is currently researching is the work of a serial killer whose work dates back to the 1960s.

IMDB rating: 6.8/10

I only recently watched this after seeing it on multiple “best horror movie” lists and can understand why it was included. Although the build-up is slow, it adds to the tension and definitely has it’s jump-scare moments. Ethan Hawke as the lead is incredible. Even though you know he’s not crazy, you still find yourself questioning his mental health as he becomes obsessed with his work and in the process puts his entire family in jeopardy. I wasn’t overly fond of the ending (a trend that’s common for me), but overall it’s a good movie. 

Split (2016)*

Type: Thriller/Psychological 

Starring: James McAvoy & Anya Taylor-Joy

Summary: Three girls are kidnapped by a man with a diagnosed 23 distinct personalities. They must try to escape before the apparent emergence of a frightful new 24th.

IMDB rating: 7.3/10

I was so so so so excited to see this movie the second I saw it advertised, (mainly because of James McAvoy, let’s be honest here), but also because it looked so damn good. As expected, James delivered in this movie, he really did. Portraying mental illness is a tricky task for any actor and a mental illness that manifests itself in 23 distinct personalities is even trickier to pull off, but James did it. I was gripped from the very beginning and found myself developing attachments to each distinctive personality that we saw. The end was disappointing since it got a little wacky and too far-fetched for my liking, particularly considering the tone of the rest of the movie, but overall it’s a brilliant movie that I would recommend anyone to watch. 

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)*

Type: Slasher

Starring: Marilyn Burns & Edwin Neal

Summary: Two siblings visit their grandfather’s grave in Texas along with three of their friends and are attacked by a family of cannibalistic psychopaths.

IMDB rating: 7.5/10

How could I not include ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ on this list? It’s as defining of the slasher genre as ‘Halloween’ (although in my opinion, not as good) and one of the first franchises I watched when I was first discovering horror. The 1974 original is the best out of the 7 films that make up the franchise which is no surprise. As with any long-running horror franchise, the movies span across 4 decades and there’s huge continuity issues with each producer/director putting their own spin on it and a lot of the time failing to do it justice. I haven’t seen all of them but have to warn you to steer clear of the fourth installment, ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation’ (1994), at all costs. Don’t let the cast fool you, it’s by far one of the worst films I’ve ever seen and the 3.4 rating it has on IMDb is generous. The only other two worth watching in my opinion are the fifth and sixth installments -  ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ (2003) and ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning’ (2006), which in some ways I actually prefer to the 1974 original. 

The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014)

Type: Slasher

Starring: Addison Timlin & Veronica Cartwright

Summary: 65 years after a masked serial killer terrorized the small town of Texarkana, the so-called ‘moonlight murders’ begin again. Is it a copycat or something even more sinister? A lonely high school girl, with dark secrets of her own, may be the key to catching him.

IMDB rating: 5.6/10

I feel like most people would rate this movie as average or even below average, but you know what? I really liked it. Probably because I’m a sucker for a good old slasher movie with a bit of history to the town/killer and that’s exactly what this movie is. 

Vacancy (2007)*

Type: Psychological

Starring: Kate Beckinsale & Luke Wilson

Summary: A married couple becomes stranded at an isolated motel and finds hidden video cameras in their room. They soon realize that unless they escape, they’ll be the next victims of a snuff film.

IMDB rating: 6.2/10

This was recommended to me by my best friend who said he was so scared by this that he didn’t sleep properly for a week. I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s that scary (but that’s just because it takes a lot for a movie to scare me), but it will have you on the edge of your seat. I do really like this movie for the fact that it’s so isolated and feels like something that could realistically happen to anyone that’s on holiday in a strange place. There’s a pretty slow build too, which adds to the tension and fear. Definitely a must-watch.

The Witch (2015) 

Type: Supernatural

Starring: Anya Taylor-Joy & Ralph Ineson

Summary: A family in 1630s New England is torn apart by the forces of witchcraft, black magic and possession.

IMDB rating: 6.8/10

This is a fairly new movie that I’ve seen come highly recommended so I decided to give it a try.  Since it’s set in the 1630′s and based on true accounts of experiences with witchcraft during that period, it has a very historical and thematic feel to it. Anya Taylor-Joy is incredibly talented and fast becoming one of my fave young actresses within the horror genre. She does a fantastic job in this movie, as does the entire cast. The build-up is slow and very effective and unlike other supernatural movies I watch where I’m usually thinking “As if that would ever happen”, there’s something about this that feels unnervingly realistic despite how wacky it is. Perhaps it’s because it’s based on true accounts but the sufferings the family go through feel reflective of something that may have really happened in our history. I do have some critique when it comes to this movie though, the main one being that I didn’t like the ending. It gets a little crazy and what starts out feeling realistic soon becomes very far-fetched. I also didn’t understand the ending and had to do a little Googling to find out the meaning of it, which I feel is something that should’ve been self-explanatory. All in all it’s a decent movie although it doesn’t stand out to me as being amazing. 

  Wolf Creek & Wolf Creek 2 (2005 & 2013)*

Type: Psychological/Slasher

Starring: Nathan Phillips & Cassandra Magrath

Summary: Three backpackers stranded in the Australian outback are befriended by a local who turns out to be a sadistic psychopath and will plunge them into a hellish nightmare of insufferable torture.

IMDB rating: 6.3/10

You know when you have that one horror movie that impacted you so much the first time you saw it that you never forget it? This is that movie for me. It still haunts me today, which is partly because I saw it for the first time at such a young age, but mostly because it’s based on a true story and could so easily happen to any one of us in real life. Just watch how the killer lures them back to his place, it’s so sneaky and clever and quite frankly has made me wary of ever accepting a stranger’s help if my car breaks down(!) As for Wolf Creek 2, as far as sequels go, it’s decent and follows the POV of the killer Mick from the first Wolf Creek.

Would You Rather (2012)

Type: Psychological

Starring: Brittany Snow & June Squibb 

Summary: Desperate to help her ailing brother, a young woman unknowingly agrees to compete in a deadly game of “Would You Rather,” hosted by a sadistic aristocrat.

IMDB rating: 5.8/10

I feel like this movie delivers exactly what it says on the tin. A bunch of vulnerable individuals who are desperate for cash for various reasons are invited by a stranger to engage in a game of “Would You Rather” in exchange for a large sum of money. Obviously the choices they’re faced with aren’t the traditional ones you’d expect to have in “Would You Rather” and horror and gore ensues. I think what’s great about this movie is that it has you questioning what you’d do in this situation. If you needed money to save a loved one from a life threatening illness, how far would you go? 

You’re Next (2011)

Type: Slasher/Psychological

Starring: Sharni Vinson & Joe Swanberg

Summary: When the Davison family comes under attack during their wedding anniversary getaway, the gang of mysterious killers soon learns that one of the victims harbors a secret talent for fighting back.

IMDB rating: 6.5/10

Yet another movie I wasn’t expecting to like much, but that pleasantly surprised me. This’ll certainly keep you on the edge of your seat and the mysterious killers turn out to not be so mysterious after all. You might guess who they are before the big reveal (me and my mom did), but it will still keep you guessing for a while and the journey is intense as the family fight for survival. 

Zombieland (2009)

Type: Comedy/Zombie

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone & Woody Harrelson

Summary: A shy student trying to reach his family in Ohio, a gun-toting tough guy trying to find the last Twinkie, and a pair of sisters trying to get to an amusement park join forces to travel across a zombie-filled America.

IMDB rating: 7.7/10

The only other horror comedy that I actually like. I mean, for the amazing cast alone this deserves to be on this list. But it also has the perfect amount of comedy, seriousness and gore. 

10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)

Type: Psychological 

Starring: John Goodman & Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Summary: After getting in a car accident, a woman is held in a shelter with two men, who claim the outside world is affected by a widespread chemical attack.

IMDB rating: 7.2/10

Going into this, I was expecting it to be rubbish, (mainly because ‘Cloverfield’ was so bloody awful that I didn’t see how a sequel could be any better), but it took me by surprise. The main question throughout the film is, are the men telling the truth? Are they good guys or bad guys? Those are the questions you will doubt the answers to right up until the reveal at the end. It kept me hooked and the fact that it isn’t found-footage like ‘Cloverfield’ definitely works in its favour.

Lastly, I’d like to mention some movies that I see included on a lot of recommendation, best of or top 10/50/100 lists that I personally don’t rate and why. That isn’t saying you shouldn’t watch them, just that they’re not necessarily as good as they’re portrayed to be. Warning: The movies listed below will contain spoilers.

It Follows (2014) - The entire movie is based upon the idea of a sexually transmitted disease/curse, which is just laughable and something I couldn’t take seriously at all. It’s impossible to root for the main character who is so utterly conceited and selfish that she willingly has sex with her best friend a.k.a the guy who has been crushing on her for years and who cares about her so much that he offers to have sex with her to free her from the entity, which results in his untimely death. The only good thing about this movie is that it raises awareness of the consequences of unprotected sex with strangers and hopefully encourages people to learn more about someone before jumping into bed with them.

The Babadook (2014) - I’d heard so many great things about this movie and how terrifying it was and for that reason I went in with high expectations. When it got started my first thought was “Surely this is the wrong movie”, because bloody hell, it was bad. I’ve seen so many reviews crediting it for how amazing it is considering it had such a low budget and all I say to that is - you can bloody well tell it had a low budget. Everything about it screams “low budget movie”. The incessant whining and yelling from both the mother and child made my ears bleed and all it succeeded in doing was irritating (and boring me) me rather than scaring me. I don’t condone that the idea behind it is a good one, but the execution is poor and the acting mediocre. For that reason, I often question how this has managed to receive such a high reputation within the horror genre. 

The Descent (2005) - Again, such a highly accredited movie for which I can’t understand why. A bunch of girls running around in the pitch black underground from some mysterious monsters that kill them all one by one… it’s just so boring. There’s no plot, no build-up, no mystery, nothing. I actually watched it for the first time when I was 16, around the time I was starting to really get into horror movies and even back then it didn’t scare me. I can, however, see why it’d be scary to others as it does create a feeling of claustrophobia since it’s set underground. My dislike for is mainly because monster movies aren’t really my thing. 

Friday The 13th (1980) - I feel like I’m betraying myself by including Friday The 13th, because there’s no denying that it was really defining for the slasher genre and it was one of the first movies that introduced me to horror, but I just don’t like it. I tried to re-watch it recently (since I hadn’t watched it all the way through since I was a teenager) and I couldn’t even get half-way through. The franchise is so big with there being 12 films and the story just gets lost on me. I know there’s some sort of story there with Jason and his mother, but it doesn’t harbour the same impact and intriuge to me as Michael Myers’ back-story. Essentially Friday The 13th will always be a poor rip-off of Halloween. 

The Blair Witch Project (1999) - I already mentioned that found-footage movies are a huuuuge no-no for me and they’re by far the worst corner of the horror genre. Blair Witch is something you either love or hate, for me it’s the latter. It’s just so boring. With any found-footage movies there’s an inability for me to connect to the characters or the story and for that reason the suspense and fear just isn’t there which is so important for any horror movie. I watched this movie once and I’d never watch it again. It’s one of those movies where the end credits roll and you sit back in your chair, look over to the person you’re watching it with and say, “Well there’s 2 hours of our lives we’re never getting back.” 

Paranormal Activity (2007) - Another franchise that’s done so well and become so huge, but I can’t understand why. More found-footage which I despise (the wobbling and half-head shots alone are enough to put me off watching), but these are somewhat watchable in comparison to Blair Witch. I think when you watch these movies in the cinema (which I did for at least 3 of them, though I can’t remember which ones), there are a lot of jump-scare moments mostly because there’s a lot of “normal” scenes set in the day where nothing much is happening, so when those scarier moments happen they’re more impacting. However, a lot of the time the development is so slow with the movement of a sheet or door being the only occurrence for over half of the film and then in the last 10 minutes everything goes crazy. Admittedly there are some of the movies in the franchise that are better. My personal favourite is Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones, which is actually the one that is often overlooked and underrated, but that by far had the biggest impact on me. So if you do choose to watch these, that would be the one I’d recommend. But overall the franchise is extremely overrated and it’s reputation is based purely on those cinema jump-scares they’re so famous for. 

The Woman In Black (2012) - AKA the most boring movie in existence. This was the first Daniel Radcliffe movie I’d watched since Harry Potter and as a huge fan of him, I went in with high expectations and it certainly disappointed. Not because of Daniel’s acting, but because of the simple fact that it failed to engage me. It wasn’t scary, it wasn’t tense and I found myself wishing that something would jump out to scare me just to keep me engaged, even if it was only for a second. This is one of those movies that was so incredibly dull that I wouldn’t even be able to recall what happened if someone paid me £100 to do so. All I remember is Daniel Radcliffe looking out of a window a lot and jumping every time he saw a black figure standing in the distance (yawn!). 

The Strangers (2008) - I only watched this a couple of weeks ago to see if it was worthy of being included on this list and came to the conclusion it wasn’t. It’s not the worst horror movie I’ve ever seen and unlike some of the others on this list I wouldn’t strongly recommend against watching it, but like all of the movies above, it completely failed to engage me. I paid attention for the first 15 minutes, after which I ended up pulling out my laptop. And the ending is possibly one of my most hated endings in any horror movie whereby the villains/killers have absolutely zero motive. When they were asked, “Why are you doing this?” their response was simply, “Because you were home.” Really? I’ve sat through two hours of watching two people get mentally tortured and hunted like dogs just because a bunch of sadistic people stumbled across their house and decided to torture them just to pass the time? No thanks.

The Mist (2007) - Again, another movie I opted to watch based on the fact it was included on a list of recommendations and I was bitterly disappointed. Some big mysterious alien-like bugs attack a small town from beneath the cover of mist. It’s so boring and not at all scary. Once again, my dislike for this movie can be put down to my dislike for monster/alien sub-genres. 

The Hills Have Eyes (2006) - This is a movie that everyone has heard the name of, even if you haven’t seen it. For that reason, I had high expectations going into it, but unfortunately it was just more boring shit about a family getting hunted down by a bunch of cannibal deformed humans in the desert. Yawn.

The Girl With All The Gifts (2016) - This movie starts out so promising and I was so eager to learn the mystery behind the dystopian world it was set in and when I realised it was just another zombie movie I was deflated. Once the mystery ends and the “hungries” are revealed there’s really nothing more to watch for.  I also don’t understand how this qualifies as horror because it’s not in the least bit scary or pertaining to anything I consider defining of a horror movie and I would happily let any young teenager watch it. The only thing that remotely relates it to horror is the inclusion of zombies. 

V/H/S (2012) - I should’ve been smart enough to read more about this movie before watching it, but I didn’t and it turns out it’s a found-footage movie, yay my fave(!) /sarcasm. The problem with this movie (aside from the fact that it’s found-footage) is that I found it impossible to follow. It jumped from one group/plot to the next and I couldn’t make head or tail of what was going on. Because of this, it didn’t keep my focus and I ended up having to Wiki what the plot/ending was and ended up frowning at the screen in utter confusion because I just didn’t get what the plot was supposed to be from what I watched. 

Drag Me To Hell (2009) - Along with ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation’ this is the worst horror movie I’ve ever seen. God knows how it’s managed to scrape a 6 point something rating on IMDb. I couldn’t even list all of the things that make this so terrible, just save yourself from wasting an hour and a half of your life and don’t watch this movie. 

Rosemary’s Baby (1968) - This movie is considered a classic in the horror genre and is on pretty much every recommendation list you’ll ever find relating to horror, but god, it’s awful. Maybe it’s because I’m accustomed to modern horror which is so much more vivid, graphic and unafraid to push the boundaries, but I find this movie so tame, boring and not at all scary. It’s predictable with a terrible and anti-climatic ending that drags out a lot. There is nothing appealing or interesting about it and if you do decide to watch it, just don’t go in with high expectations like I did, because you’re bound to be disappointed. 

[inhumansforever]

Secret Warriors #6 Review

spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers

There’s a lot of intriguing set up in this latest issue, but not a huge amount of delivery as guest illustrator,  Juanen Ramírez, joins Mathew Rosenberg and Joe Ranch for this inaugural issue of a whole new story-arc in the pages of Secret Warriors.  Full review and recap following the jump.

The whole issue acts as a series of mini vignettes, that show what the Secret Warriors have boon up to following the fall of Hydra and the resolution of the Secret Empire event, as well as set up a number of plot lines and story elements that In all likelihood) will eventually precipitate the Warriors needed to come back together as a team.

The main story focus on a somewhat unhinged Daisy ‘Quake’ Johnson, rooting out form Hydra collaborators in her desperate search to discover who killed her friend, Phil Coulson, and extract revenge.   She learns that the former Hydra regime needed to dispatch their most deadly assassin to take out an agent of Counson’s calibre and Daisy throws caution to the wind and arranges for a hit to taken out on herself in the hopes that this assassin will come to her.  

This leads the villain known as Taskmaster to track her down and attempt to do her in.  Daisy is expecting the attack and takes out Taskmaster with ease.  Following a violent interrogation, Taskmaster agrees to give up the information on who it was that actually took out Coulson.  The culprit is none other than the ‘merc with the mouth; everyone’s favorite fast talking motor: Deadpool.  

Taskmaster arranges for Daisy to hook up with his contact so that she can finally take on Deadpool.  This contact turns out to be Bullseye (because apparently sociopathic assassins are all friends with each other).  In any case, Bullseye sets up Daisy to attack Deadpool while he is dropping off his dry cleaning and the stage is set for a huge fight in the next issue.  

Intertwined through this main story is two more tales that are far more intriguing.  The first sees Karnak coming to visit his nephew, Ahura, who is running the multi-conglomerate company known as Ennilux.  Ahura is initially quite shaken to see his uncle Karnak show up at his corporate offices.  Although still a teenagers, Ahura is usually suave and unflappable, but it is clear that his uncle makes him very uncomfortable.  Yet it turns out that Karnak has not shown up to recruit Ahura for some sort of mission for the sake of Attilan; rather he is looking for a job.  

Ahura gives him the not-so-polite brush off and sends his uncle on his way.   Some time later, Ahura learn that the fictional third-world nation of Chernaya has endured a military coup, forcing its president to run off into hiding.  Chernaya had been a hub of cheap manufacturing, and it would seem the Ennilux Corp has been quite reliant on the nation as a key facet to the corporations’ ongoing success.   Seeing this news, Ahrua decides that he has a job for his Uncle Karnak after all.  In all likelihood, Ahura would like to send his uncle into Chernaya and put down the coup and hence keep Ennilux in the black.  

The third storyline entails Dante, who has relocated to Toledo, Ohio, where he has moved in with his sisyer, Gabby, in order to help her out with the new baby.  We finally learn that the child Gabby gave birth to way back in Inhuman Annual #1 is a girl (so I no long have to write our niece or nephew when referring to her).  Gabby has retuned to nursing, but is also taken night classes and Dante has come to help out, tending to the child while his sister is at work or school.  He skips with Moon Girl asking Lunella to help his sister in completing term papers that Gabby is far too busy to attend to.  To date, we have only seen Lunnella apply her genius to strictly scientific endeavors, but it would turn out that she’s super smart across the board in that she has provided for Gabby a succinctly summarized term paper on Tolstoy’s War and Peace.

A knock comes to the door and Dante is assailed by a force of strange and frightening beings.  They are al minions of the Dark Beast.  Dante fights valiantly but is hopelessly outnumbered and falls.  The Dark Beast fetches Fante’s infant niece, noting that he has been dispatched by Mr. Sinister to collect the child.  A baby born exposed to Terrigen prenatally appears to be of interest to the mad geneticist and he has opted to send his goons to collect her as consolation for Karnak having gone back on his deal rearing Leer.  Horrified, Dante can only watch as The Dark Beast leaves, taking his niece to the villainous Mr. Sinister.  

For me, the two sub-plots were far more interesting the main one.  I love Daisy, but seeing her go on a Punisher-style quest for bloody revenge isn’t something that intrigues me.  Quake is much more focused now that she had been int he previous issues of Secret Warriors, and as a result her seismic powers are more precise and effective.  She makes short work of the various goons, The Taskmaster, and even Bullseye does’t seem that much a threat to her.  Taking on Deadpool should prove a much more challenging battle, but we’ll have to wait until next issue to see how it goes down.  

Don’t get me wrong: I like ultra badass/ultra competent Daisy, but it does detract a bit from her uniqueness.  Her taking out the villains with such ease… she could easily be replaced with Black Widow, The Punisher, or any other badass for whom things look easy.  Daisy’s doubt, her conflict and anxiety is what has helped to make her special to me and while I can understand her single-mindedness in wanting revenge for the death of her best friend, the version of Daisy in this issue left me a bit cold.

The other two vignettes provide to be much more intriguing to me.  Dante’s niece being abducted by the forces of Mr. Sinister is clearly setting up the next story-arc, set to unfold in future issues and I’m very much looking forward to that.  

Likewise, Karnak coming to Ahura for a job was an interesting twist.  Ahura has long since been one of my favorite Inhumans and it was a little discouraging to see him degenerate into yet another business bigwig interested in little more than the bottom line.  Ad why exactly does someone possessing near omega-level psychic powers need a third party to put down a military coup in a third world nation.  That matter aside, I’m looking forward to seeing where it all goes.  

Juanen Ramírez’s fill in art is an intertwine choice.  He’s an excellent artist, but his style is so different compared to series regular, Javier Garrón, that it feels quite jarring.  Garrón’s line work is ultra crips and confident whereas Ramirez opts for a more squiggly, fluid line.  To be frank, it’s not of my tastes.   To be even more frank, Deadpool is a character who I have almost no interest in.  His particular brand of humor does vert little for me and the sooner his involvement in this book comes to an end the better as far as I’m concerned. Although it’s noted in the letter page that Garrón will be rejoining book with issue eight when the Mr. Sinister artery-arc goes into full swing; a story that it appears will see Magik of The X-Men join the team.  This I’m very much looking forward to.

As it stands, there are some pretty good moments in this issue, a must for big time Quake fans, but somewhat skippable in that one can wait until the eighth issue to see The Secret warriors back in action.  

Two and a half out of Five Lockjaws.

[avaantares]

My thoughts on Torchwood: Aliens Among Us

Minimal spoilers. I’ll discuss themes and events, but try to avoid any major reveals.

Putting the rest after the jump for length and spoiler protection.

I debated whether to even post this, because I still haven’t quite made up my mind whether or not I actually like S5. I mean, the production values of the episodes are excellent, as usual (Big Finish knows what they’re about in that department), and the performances are great, and even the ongoing series hook is interesting -- but I think the problem is that I’m not actually enjoying the direction the series is headed. It’s done well, but it doesn’t quite feel like Torchwood to me. And that’s not just because more than half the original cast is missing; it’s a shift in something vital and central to the series. Its purpose, perhaps. I’m still digesting the episodes I’ve listened to. (More on that in a bit.)

Anyway, I’ll start with my take on the characters and their new roles:

Jack - Apparently having exhausted all his potential development in previous stories, Jack is relegated almost to the background of this series. He makes the usual lewd jokes and sleeps around and dies when the plot demands it, but he’s practically a cardboard cutout, doing Action Things when necessary and coasting on listeners’ affection for him from previous stories. After four episodes, there’s still no evidence that he’ll have anything resembling a character arc, which is massively disappointing.

Jack also shows some disturbing behavior here -- namely, he pseudo-stalks and seduces a man he’s considering hiring on at Torchwood just to get more information about him, which is not only dishonest and manipulative, but is a REALLY FREAKING CREEPY thing for a potential boss to do, especially if the hiring had gone through.

But no worries on that account, since Jack then bars said potential employee from Torchwood because he made a mistake in the field and got civilians killed. Jack cites the Doctor’s “no second chances” line and pontificates about how he won’t tolerate people dying on his watch. This seems out of character coming from the man who forgave Gwen for unleashing an alien gas that killed dozens of civilians, forgave Ianto for betraying them all and getting two innocent people killed in the Hub, forgave Owen Harper for rebelling and putting a bullet through Jack’s brain, etc.... not to mention Jack’s own tendency to shoot first and apologize later, for which he was often criticized by both Gwen and the Doctor. Even if he’s changed his views on violence in the meantime, I can’t imagine him drawing such a hard line in the sand without at least turning it into a teaching experience. Jack is the king of second chances; it seems hypocritical for him to deny one to a panicked newcomer.

Gwen - I’ve seen several other people say that they didn’t recognize Gwen until the character identified herself at the end of the episode, and I had the same experience. Her Welsh accent seems much stronger than it was in the TV series. There may be plot reasons for that, or it may just be an inconsistency. (EDIT: I’ve since read that, due to plot reasons, Alexandria Riley is actually performing most of Gwen’s speaking parts, so the difference is definitely intentional.)

Gwen doesn’t seem to serve a significant purpose in the stories until the extreme end of episode 2, when she conducts the major reveal of what will be (I suspect) her ongoing story arc for the whole series. That subplot is by far the most compelling thing about this new series, and honestly is probably the only thing with enough hook to keep me listening.

Mr. Colchester - The spiritual successor to the conspicuously absent Ianto Jones, Mr. Colchester is the dry, longsuffering general support. In many ways he’s the most complex and developed of the new characters, and while it took me a bit to warm up to him, I quite like him now. (Of course, since he’s basically replacement-Ianto, that may explain why I enjoy his commentary so much.)

We’ve learned a bit about Mr. Colchester’s personal life, as well as just a sliver of backstory, and I hope that is setting up for some kind of series-long arc for him. I think he has a lot of undeveloped potential. I’m very curious to know exactly how he came to Torchwood.

Orr - Orr manages to be interesting despite the fact that their introduction scene feels a bit too much like Discourse(TM). (I described the scene to a friend as “Tumblr: The Audio Drama.”) As a gender- and biologically-fluid being, Orr can psychically tune in to entities to acquire information in a way I’ve never seen done before, and that leaves open a potential gold mine of story opportunities and mystery resolutions. However, since the two episodes in which Orr features are largely spent establishing their abilities, there’s still not much sign of a dynamic arc. It’s strongly suggested that they will become a full-time Torchwood operative, which should be... interesting, given that crew and their proclivities.

Tyler Steele - Let me put this on record right now: I do not like Tyler. At all. I wouldn’t mind if he got flattened by a spaceship.

Now, that doesn’t mean he’s a bad character -- sometimes the most compelling characters are ones you despise, and Tyler’s role in the story seems to be going in that direction -- but it does bother me that Jack seems intent on carrying on an ongoing sexual relationship with a character who is so morally questionable, disrespectful, self-serving, and generally kind of a jerk. I can’t imagine Jack putting up with that, no matter how good Tyler is in bed, unless we’re just going to undo the past ten years’ worth of Jack’s character development and kick him all the way back to the way he was with Captain John Hart.

Tyler himself is the only one of the new characters who does seem to have the setup for a dynamic story, which could be more interesting if they turn him into a villain or boost his moral grayness to have him play both sides. (Personally, I’d really like to see him waffle for a while, then cross a line and become unredeemable, forcing Jack to have to stop him. That would provide a nice characterization moment for Jack, too.)

Other Characters: Rhys and Mary Cooper (Gwen’s mother) get cameos, but that’s about it. At least two other named characters (Andy and Billis Manger) are coming back for the next set, so we’ll hope for an expanded cast next time.

Before I get critical, I do want to mention a few specifics that this series does well:

It’s implied that either there is no coffee allowed in the Hub, or no one is allowed to use Ianto’s coffee machine. Which is heartbreaking, but also gratifying, as it implies that Jack can’t bear to let that one piece of Ianto be replaced. Many of us were worried that Ianto would be forgotten or just garner a token mention, as he has in most series/publications set post-MD, but it’s nice to see actual evidence that they remember and mourn him.

It’s also suggested that Jack is still thinking constantly about Ianto, even years after he died. Which is small comfort after we’ve had to witness Jack getting it on with that creep Tyler multiple times, but at least Ianto hasn’t been erased completely.

The reveal of the subplot surrounding Gwen came as a complete shock to me. I often work sneaky plot things out beforehand, but I’ll confess, I did not see that one coming. (Others have pointed out that this plot element may have been foreshadowed in a previous episode...? But we’ll need more information about what’s actually going on before confirming that.)

I like that they’re operating out of the literally collapsing ruins of the Hub and are completely broke, even though it does raise some questions about EU continuity (we saw the Hub cleaned up after the explosion in Long Time Dead, and Gwen was trying to rebuild it in Forgotten Lives). It’s nice -- and thematically appropriate -- to have them huddling in a broken ruin of the past while trying to come to terms with the future.

Now, some thoughts on the story itself:

I’m really not sure how to approach this new world, where aliens populate Cardiff and are so far from secret that there are human protest groups lobbying in the streets to remove them. It acknowledges the events of Exodus Code and the Titan Comics series (I have major issues with that, too, but that’s another conversation entirely). At this point the series has split so far from the known Whoniverse that it has more in common with awkward American stepchild Miracle Day than with its own BBC parent series. I feel like we’re now trapped in a bubble universe that is never going to resolve with the original series of Torchwood.

Anyway... Cardiff is overrun by aliens, and apparently instead of Torchwood trying to protect humanity from alien threats, in this brave new Cardiff, Torchwood is trying to protect... the aliens? For motivations that remain unclear to me, in episode 2, Gwen and Mr. Colchester spend a whole night repeatedly putting their lives on the line to protect an alien from capture after they witness her eating innocent humans. Reluctantly, she claims, but the extremes they go to to protect her (including endangering human civilians and hospital staff) just don’t seem justified when she and her family are actual threats to humanity.

The ongoing story of S5 centers around the economic and political takeover of Cardiff from a particular race of aliens. It’s sinister enough, and provides a backdrop for multiple villain-of-the-week episodes, but there’s really no soul to it. Maybe that will change with future episodes, but I think this points to the main reasons I’m not really getting into this series as much as previous Big Finish Torchwood dramas:

Classic Torchwood was a character-driven series set against a dramatic (and often camp) space fantasy backdrop. At the end of the day, we didn’t care what kind of aliens were attacking Earth that week; we worried how Ianto processed his grief, wondered whether or not Owen actually had a heart under his flinty exterior, cheered the little moments when Jack opened up to his friends, and mourned when characters we had grown to care for sacrificed their lives in defense of the people of Cardiff and the world. The character development was the hook, and the episode plots, for the most part, were secondary.

This is one reason so many fans were disappointed in Miracle Day, which was more an American political thriller than space fantasy, and introduced new characters who were wooden and lacked compelling character arcs. The premise of Miracle Day was fascinating, but we couldn’t engage with the story the way we did with the gripping bureaucratic drama of Children of Earth because we were put off by MD’s flat, unlikable protagonists.

AAU, as well, is missing some of those critical elements that let the audience engage deeply with the story. While there are complex things happening in the political sphere, we come into S5 knowing nothing about the new characters, and the characters we do know seem too static. Gwen does get an interesting story hook, but not until the halfway mark of this boxed set.

In short, I just don’t care enough. I miss the depth and complexity of the original characters, and I miss the ongoing growth that made Jack and Gwen interesting. I don’t know the new characters well enough to feel strongly about what happens to them, and there is little indication that they will become dynamic over the course of the next few stories.

It’s a shame, because I love Torchwood and want more of it, but I just don’t feel like I’m getting proper Torchwood with these stories. I’ll probably give the next part of Aliens Among Us a try, but I’ll wait to see how it goes before deciding on the third set. it’s hard to justify the high price of the box set for a series I’m basically ambivalent about.

[talestoenrage]

Persona 5

Last night, I finally finished Persona 5, and...it wasn’t as good as Persona 4. Now that I have all the available facts, I finally think I can fairly unpack my reasons why. Behind the cut, for anyone else who’s still working on it and doesn’t want spoilers.

The first thing to note is that I am a huge Persona 4 fan. It’s not a perfect game (but then, nothing is); it starts off very slowly, its once-lauded LGBT content is actually not good in the cold light of day when LGBT content is (however slowly) becoming more common in video games, and it has a long, LONG day that is just...awful. Misogynist and transphobic as hell. But overall, it’s a hell of a game that I recommend to almost anyone, even with those caveats. It’s also a game that’s almost 9 years old, so why do I think it’s better than the sequel that came out this year?

Certainly, Persona 5 has a lot of gameplay improvements. There’s more variety in combat, with new types of attacks and status effects you can inflict and have inflicted on you. Adding guns as another piece of equipment gives everyone in your party additional options. Most importantly, the social links the current Persona games rely on for their flavor have added gameplay benefits, as different ranks will grant you useful skills in and out of combat, at a pace that lets you naturally integrate the new options rather than being overwhelmed by them. And the negotiation system with the enemies (imported back from the base SMT series) means that what you fight can matter beyond “this is their weakness/XP gain/possible item drops.” In every measurable way, combat in 5 is better than 4. Even the dungeons are improved, because the set designs stand out better than 4′s randomized crawling. Plus if you do want random dungeon crawls, there’s a whole huge area that calls back to Persona 3′s Tartarus. The best of both worlds, right? The problem is that while combat in 5 is a great improvement, combat is not what I loved in Persona 4 anyway. It was the writing and the story.

If you haven’t played Persona 4, the main plot revolves around a series of murders in a rural Japanese town. After the first two, the main character and his recent friends discover another world, and that it’s connected to the murders so far. When a third person goes missing, they save them, and then decide to work on stopping any further murders and figure out who’s behind them. On its own, this is a workable plot that stands out among JRPGs for being decidedly small scale. You aren’t setting out to stop an evil empire or find your missing father, but it’s a worthy goal, and the fantastical elements explain why you can’t just go to the police about it.

What makes the game sing is the writing for the other members of your group, and for the social links you make to gain power. Your party is a bunch of teenagers, and sometimes they’re, well, shitty in the way teens so often are. They care for each other and stick their necks out, but they’ll also crack inappropriate jokes or be insensitive because they’re still learning how to act like adults. It occasionally goes too far (see Teddy), but mostly it felt believable, as did any of the romance scenes if you choose to date any of your classmates. On top of that, with the exception of the main character, you gain team members by saving them from their own Shadow, which stands for the parts of themselves they don’t want to admit are real. Sure, you beat them when they become the boss, but then the character in question has to accept the parts of themselves they don’t like to admit are there, something that all of us have.

Meanwhile, the social links do the heavy lifting of making the town feel like a real place. Sometimes you’re doing real work to improve someone’s life, sometimes you’re just there for them when they hit a snag and need to process it. But it’s a reminder that outside of the fantasy elements of going into the TV world and fighting weird creatures, you live in a town with “real” people that have real problems. That’s not quite what your team member’s social links are about, but instead it’s about someone who has admitted they have issues...and then you have to help them work through that. Admitting they have a problem is just the first step, not the solution.

If this sounds more like a review of Persona 4 than 5, I can understand that. But I needed to unpack what I love about 4 first, because if I’m going to say 5 isn’t as good, I think it’s only fair to explain what I love about 4 and why. And the main stumbling block for 5 is a combination of writing and, to a lesser degree, a mixed translation job.

The translation isn’t terrible-I don’t think it will spawn any memes online due to particular lines. But some subtlety is lost, and lines that should hit harder lose impact because the sentence structure doesn’t work as it should in English. It’s hard to say if it’s just a case of being too literal or being rushed for time, or some combination.

But even with better translation, the writing just falls flat. 5 raises a lot of questions with its central premise, where your group “steals” the hearts of bad people to make them change and be good, but it’s resolutely uninterested in answering half of them. It will tell you all about the mechanics of how you do it and what happens to the person, but it doesn’t want to deal with the ethics at all for half of the game, and then when it comes up, it’s a half hearted ‘were we doing the right thing?” when people start saying bad stuff about the Phantom Thieves. Are all the villains you take down engaging in truly reprehensible behavior? Yes. Are they largely insulated from official control? Yes, and for reasons beyond general “looking the other way,” since the final human villain is revealed to be covering for everyone you fought before. But there’s never a conversation where your group, the people actually altering people’s personalities, ever ask themselves if it’s okay to be making such radical changes, or asking if you are returning them to normal versus changing a “normal” person into a different version that didn’t exist before. And even the half hearted attempts to question it get shot down by your character’s mouth piece, the fame whore, whose very questionable motivations for wanting to continue are ALSO never questioned, except very briefly near the end. I didn’t need the game to tell me I was wrong for what I was doing, but I at least wanted a discussion, even if it ended with “this may be a bad thing, but we need to do it because no one else can touch them.”

Perhaps the social links would have saved it, but almost all of them outside of the main party ones end the same way. You get up to rank 7 or 8, find out there’s a road block of someone being bad, and then you get a request to change their hearts. Rinse and repeat. This throws the question of how ethical your behavior is into even sharper relief, and adds in the issue of making every resolution to the social links be “I did magic, and then they figured out I was a Phantom Thief, but it’s okay because they said they would keep my secret.” The first few times, I found it charming. The 10nth time, I felt like I might as well stop pretending and just tell anyone who asked “Yeah, I’m one of them. Want me to change some guy’s head? I got my magic gun I can use.”

Most of the party member social links don’t involve that, but most of them also fall flat. Ryuji’s is just there, Ann involves helping her realize other models can be mean and she’ll lose out if she doesn’t put more effort in, Yusuke is having art block, and Haru needs to learn how to manage a corporation she unexpectedly inherited. None of them are offensive, but they’re mostly boring. Only Futaba (trying to reacclimate to society after being a recluse for years) and Makoto (mostly forgettable but she slaps another girl and then challenges a would be pimp to a street fight, which was great) stand out, or seem like you actually do anything to help other than be there as they talk it out on their own.

Then there’s the framing device, where you’ve already been captured and are telling a prosecutor the story of how you came to be the Phantom Thieves. It intrudes every time you hit a certain point in the plot, and whenever you start a new social link. It didn’t take long at all for me to roll my eyes every time it intruded to remind me I wasn’t ACTUALLY in May, I was just RECOUNTING what I did in May. Plus its plot hook of “someone betrayed you to us” was blunted when the person who did it joined my group last and was literally blackmailing us to quit after pulling “one last job.” Gee, wonder who could have sold us out to the cops? The shitty teen detective who talks about people as vermin? I’M SHOCKED. 

Now, I will give 5 credit, it has two solid plot twists. The first is when the framing device resolves (assuming you don’t get the bad ending), and Akechi shoots you...only to be revealed that your team was actually paying attention, realized he was lying, and used what they knew about the Metaverse to trick him into shooting a dupe. It wasn’t worth the hassle, but it was nice to see the group not be idiots. The second, that Igor was actually a fake as well and behind all the trouble, was more genuinely surprising, but it did make the voice change that we’d assumed was a weird miscast into a clue that we’d missed. 

The final boss fight being about pulling out a giant spirit gun and shooting a god in the head was goofy as hell, but unintentionally so, which is unfortunate.

Would I recommend Persona 5? With reservations. Along with all the issues I’ve noted, the game feels too long for the plot it has; I was close to 150 hours when I finished, and even taking out the grinding I did at different points, I felt like I went through a lot of filler dialogue to get there. Plus the opening to 5 is, if anything, even LONGER than 4. You show up in town on the 9nth, and it’s not until the 18nth that you have full control over your actions, with multiple mandatory tutorial sections.

At least the music is still great.