#I like how the gay flag looks like the ocean and lesbian flag looks like the sunset

[aydien677]

Pide Sheeps Pt. 2

look at what I have brought before you, Trans, lesbian Aromantic, Polyship, and Gay

(Part one)

[feathers-little-nest]

Btw I was making a list of my favorite moments while reading Thousand Autumns. So. Here it is (under the cut bc spoilers)

- Yu Shengyan as a silly poet

- Yan Wushi threatening Shen Qiao with lip cup (ch 24) AND THEN SHEN QIAO FEEDING HIM THAY WAY IN CH 57

- Bian Yanmei vs Huo Xijing in a tea shop (ch 27)

- Yan Wushi introduces unconscious Shen Qiao to Bian Yanmei (ch 29)

- Yan Wushi: this is my husband, Shen Qiao, Shen Qiao: sect leader Yan, you need to stop call that lowly one your husband. we met yesterday

- chapter 34. just. chapter 34 (Zhan Ziqian is my second fav now)

- chapter 35, Yan Wushi pulling "was your name on it???" as an argument for stealing

- chapter 44, Yan Wushi asking Shen Qiao if they could be friemds

- chapter 46, abbot saying that Shen Qiao finally lost his mind

- chapter 49, Ruan Hailou suicide speech (+thinking about their next incarnations ok)

- chapter 50, Shen Qiao's epic entrance

- chapter 55, Dou Yanshan laughing his ass off bc Shen Qiao put “Yan Wushi” and “greater good” in one sentence

- chapter 55, Guang Lingsan pulling “u manwhore we're not gay, we won't do anything for u” on Shen Qiao

- chapter 55, Guang Lingsan has a sword hidden in his cither!! he tossed a cither and took the sword from inside of it!!! how cool is that!!!!

- chapter 55, Dou Yanshan's “Sayonara weeboos!”. yes chapter 55 IS a work of art

- chapter 58, Yu Ai finally understanding that he lost Shen Qiao forever and there's no going back, saying “Good, good, good...”

- chapter 67, Yan Wushi asked about his traveling goal responds “I'm following you [Shen Qiao]" CUTE

- chapter 70, Yan Wushi in drag refusing to leave the restaurant without Shen Qiao

- chapter 75, Yan Wushi making dinner for Shen Qiao, this is so cute, I fucking can't, the whole chapter is so wholesome, I love it

- chapters 79-80, Shen Qiao crying because Yan Wushi decided to save him and trying to run after him,

- chapter 84, Murong Qin saying “If your dao had any use whatsoever, why hasn’t that wonderful man you love so much shown himself yet?” to Shen Qiao and Shen Qiao not denying anything,

- and generally the fight with Murong Qin, it's so beautifully described...

- chapter 84, describing Yan Ying as “he was an expert at risking his life on the battlefield” (and generally Yan Ying I love that man gender neutral, he wants to die for someone SO BADLY)

- chapter 85, Yan Shou scared as fuck

- chapter 85, Shen Qiao vs Chen Gong & Baoyun would look AMAZING in animation

- chapter 86, Shen Qiao saying he's Shan Qiaozi... giving Finrod vibes. Sweetheart, you're not best in disguises are you,

- chapter 90, Yan Wushi's internal monologue about Shen Qiao

- chapter 94, Yan Wushi and Shen Qiao's spoon fight,

- chapter 94, Shen Qiao finally loosing it,

- chapter 97, “This venerable one's weakness now is you!”... what a way to confess...

- chapter 101, Gu Hengbo has major lesbian vibes oh my god

- chapter 102, OH MY GOD YU SHENGYAN IS BACK

- chapter 103, Yuan Xiuxiu standing on a flag, this is kinda cool and girlboss

- chapter 103, Yuan Xiuxiu dominated by ocean-like power of Shen Qiao

- chapter 106, Yan Wushi literally saying that Shen Qiao isn't like the other girls

- chapter 107, Yan Wushi confessing his love, saying that his heart is Shen Qiao's, talking about marriage and right after that being like "taki żarcik kosmonaucik" yeah sure thing bro

- chapter 110, “grandmasters were not cabbage” yeah can't argue with that

- chapter 110, Bian Yanmei genderfuckery and absolutely loving to dress and act like a woman, what a legend

- chapter 115, Yuan Ying... poor baby... how did they not notice that you were gone for a week...

- chapter 117, Yan Wushi fighting basically all the most powerful people in the world for Shen Qiao dkddskkd

- chapter 118, Shen Qiao waiting for the most dramatic moment to enter the elders' meeting lol + Bian Yanmei living for the applause

- chapter 120, Yu Ai's death, that was so damn sad how am I supposed to not cry??

- chapter 121, Shen Qiao and Bian Yanmei as besties so cute, exactly what I needed after that Yu Ai trauma

- aaand we're back with trama, this time it's Tan Yuanchun. Poor Shen Qiao, took him long enough to understand that he lives in an imperfect world, convoluted in thousands small matters that pile up to hatreage and cruelty

- chapter 122, Shen Qiao's “I know, but if I can’t see him, how can I be at peace?” T^T

- it might be one of my fav chapters, so causally wholesome

- chapter 123, how differently Shen Qiao treats Yan Wushi and Bai Rong. Yan Wushi is in the end the only person who can make Shen Qiao so explicitly emotional

- chapter 124, A SMALL DEAR A-QIAO THIS IS

NOT A DRILL IT'S A SMALL DEAR A-QIAO!!

- Yan Wushi saying "Thank you for returning my badness with kindness", my heart is melting

- chapter 126, Shen Qiao gambling. and unknowingly cheating. it is just. too percect. I love this novel

- this is just autism x ADHD and I'm living for this

- god their declaration of love being “thank you for returning my evilness with kindness” and “I would cry only if you died, not anyone else”

[blorbortion]

happy pride month!

i figured its as good a time as any for me to finally post my gay book recs 😌

theyre overwhelmingly YA as im a young adult and thats what ive been reading, but im widening my horizons, so stay tuned for more mature entries! ill be updating this list as i read more gay lit.

WLW 4 or 5 out of 5 stars

- She Drives Me Crazy by Kelly Quindlen (les/bi, enemies to lovers, sports, set in high school, YA)

- The Falling in Love Montage by Ciara Smyth (great writing, appealing characters and authentic chemistry, i think les/les, YA)

- Not My Problem by Ciara Smyth (also amazing, also les/les, has heavier themes, YA)

- Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo (historical - 1950s, asian american sanfran culture, butch/femme, YA, deserves its popularity. do Not read the spin off its not worth it)

- Cinderella is Dead by Kalynn Bayron (fairytale retelling, feminist focus, les/les, YA)

- This Poison Heart + This Wicked Fate by Kalynn Bayron (urban fantasy, bi/les? i think, poisonous plants, greek mythology, two books, YA)

- How to Excavate a Heart by Jake Maia Arlow (les/les, YA, lots of "reclaimed" slurs, lots of secondhand embarrassment, but if you wanted something seasonal for winter here you go - its not bad!)

- A Spindle Splintered + A Mirror Mended by Alix E. Harrow (fairy tales, lesbian mc, other wlw side characters, fun and short, written for tumblr and its obvious, sometimes depressingly real)

- This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amar El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone (time traveling, enemies to lovers, short chapters, tries to be poetic and sometimes it succeeds sometimes it doesnt)

- Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield (horrors of the ocean, it doesnt get better - no happy ending, still beautiful though)

- Salt Slow by Julia Armfield (women-focused horror short stories antology, i would call it bisexual moreso than lesbian, definitely worth a read)

- Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flag (a story that takes decades and focuses on many characters, two of the most prominent are in a same-sex relationship, lovely and bittersweet at times)

- The Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall (set in the early 20th century and quite sad, a very relatable story of a gnc lesbian woman growing up and living as an "invert", looking for her place in the world)

- Affinity by Sarah Waters (historical - late 19th century - mystery, set in a large part in a women's prison, mc suffers from depression, spiritualism is a strong theme)

- Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead by Emily Austin (contemporary litfic about a depressed lesbian with severe anxiety, a tough read if you relate but SO good, and against all odds it has a happy ending)

MLM 4 or 5 out of 5 stars

- If This Gets Out by Sophie Gonzalez and Kale Dietrich (gay/bi?, YA, secret dating, two boysband members, alternating perspectives)

- Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall (fake dating, cringe but somehow fun when you get into it, very organic writing)

- Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston (gay/bi, YA, enemies to lovers, actually fun!, better than the movie^tm, a bit cringe with the ~progressive~ lines and fanficky moments)

- Time to Shine by Rachel Reid (gay/bi, sports romance, there were so many beds and still they chose to sleep in one together, very fun + funny)

- Icebreaker by A. L. Graziadei (bi/gay, rivals to lovers, YA, sports romance, a little internet-y at times, theres a side poly relationship)

- More Happy Than Not by Adam Silvera (NOT a romance, super depressing, a lot of deep homophobia, but also beautiful. i gave it 5/5 on goodreads, YA)

- Masters of Death by Olivie Blake (a fun urban fantasy with a large, found-familyish cast, some slight Harry Potter references and a lot of humor and existential pondering, lovers to strangers to enemies to lovers, bi?/bi)

- All For The Game series by Nora Sakavic (gay/bi m/m, such a guilty pleasure but its SO good, its like a sports anime but 1. the sport is made up 2. its actually gay 3. theres the mafia involved??, very early 2010s with how edgy it is but its worth it i promise. a LOT of trigger warnings though, if its important to you - CHECK THEM BEFOREHAND)

honorable mentions that arent very gay focused but are very good

- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (campus novel/dark academia, the m/m is mostly subtext, heavy style of writing but so worth it, shakespeare abound, please read it)

- Graveyard Shift by M.L. Rio (a halloween-y mystery novella about rats, mushrooms, academia and journalism, a Very Slight f/f element but its enough for me to put it here)

- The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater (YA, fantasy, literally so good, not much of the m/m romance but when it happens it HAPPENS, 5/5 im obsessed with this series)

- The Tusks of Extinction by Ray Nayler (a short sci-fi novel about bringing mammoths back, multiple povs, one of those is focused on a gay couple - which is irrelevant to the story but i loved the book so im using this opportunity to promote it)

- When Among Crows by Veronica Roth (polish folklore inspired urban fantasy, a 3 person found family, very short (160 pages) and reads quickly, if youre polish yourself though be prepared for cringing - language errors abound, a little m/m)

- Several People Are Typing by Calvin Kasulke (a short epistolary novel about a guy with an office job whose soul got sucked into the Slack app. written entirely in Slack messages. VERY funny, quite thought-provoking and at times beautiful! has a small sprinkling of m/m)

less than 4 out of 5 stars but i read them so ill state my opinion anyways

- A Scatter of Light by Malinda Lo (YA, wlw - bi/les, great writing boring story, gnc lesbian compared to a boy later revealed to identify as nonbinary, homophobic slurs "reclaimed", cheating, unfinished sideplots)

- Ash by Malinda Lo (YA, wlw, bi/les i think, fairytales, fantasy, uncomfortable het age gap, moral of the story - love triumphs all)

- The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun (YA, mlm, gay/gay?, lots of awkward internet popculture references, slurs, writing mostly fun and engaging but at times felt like an educational PSA)

- The Coldest Touch by Isabel Sterling (YA, wlw, les/bi, marketed as lesbian Twilight - do not be fooled, the author is weird abt race too though, the romance isnt really fleshed out)

- These Violent Delights by Micah Nemerever (mlm, an attempt at dark academia, the start was interesting but then it turned into disgusting fetishization of violence in a gay relationship, written by a tif and you can tell)

- Conversations with Friends by Sally Rooney (the mc is bi and her best friend is a lesbian, the characters are all awful, it kinda felt lesbophobic at times but i dont have proof)

- Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating by Adiba Jaigirdar (wlw, YA, as you can guess fake dating, also rivals to lovers iirc?, its nice but just didnt catch my attention much)

- A Million to One by Adiba Jaigirdar (wlw, YA, a heist on the Titanic, i dont know why i keep giving this author a chance, you need to suspend your disbelief so much its inadvisable for atheists to read it)

- Honeymoon for One by Rachel Bowdler (winter holiday romance, les/bi ("pan"), lots of grief and conflict and not enough of the romance developing, so many awful mothers??)

- Running With Lions by Julian Winters (YA, mlm bi/gay, the writing isnt that good, a bit of misogyny)

- Don't Want You Like a Best Friend/More Than a Best Friend by Emma R. Alban (victorian era les/les romance, a very light read - dont expect a historical drama, theres a large focus on other m/f pairings. warning: lowkey step-sibling "incest" - read the book description)

- You're the Problem, It's You by Emma R. Alban (sequel to the previous position, victorian era mlm gay/gay romance, dont expect historical accuracy here)

- You're Not Supposed to Die Tonight by Kalynn Bayron (wlw YA slasher horror with supernatural elements, the final girl trope plays a big role, i dont read horror often but this one is not good even though i like the author)

- The Magic Between by Stephanie Hoyt (gay/bi mlm, main character with OCD, an interesting though maybe overdone magic system, overall though just a goofy tumblr romance - nothing special, but good fun)

- The Nightmare Before Kissmas by Sara Raasch (bi/? mlm, holidays with magical royal families, romcom but not a lot of the rom - you can tell the author usually writes fantasy and not romance, fun and silly but nothing amazing)

sekcja polska 🇵🇱

- Noce za nocami i Noce aż po wieczność autorstwa Małgorzaty Wilk (wampiry w Warszawie, pierwsza książka homo m/m druga bi w/m - ale oryginalna parka nadal na pierwszym planie, dużo drugoplanowych postaci lgb i innych par jednopłciowych, nie ma żadnych slurów ani praktycznie nic o trans, lekki i bardzo zabawny styl, bardzo przyjemna dylogia)

- Zanim dojrzeją granaty autorstwa Rene Karabasz (bułgarska powieść o specyficznym stylu, główna bohaterka jest lesbijką i albańską burneszą - zaprzysiężoną dziewicą)

- Pawilon małych ssaków autorstwa Patryka Pufelskiego (pamiętnik geja wyłoniony jako najlepszy w konkursie na pamiętniki osób LGB/T przez co został wydany oddzielnie od reszty, świetnie napisany, bardzo prawdziwy i wzruszający)

- Krew, która nas dzieli autorstwa Edyty Prusinowskiej (główna bohaterka jest bi, jest też istotna postać lesbijki która gra hetero femme fatale ale jest ciekawa, YA, wampiry, fajna lekka lektura, szybko się czyta)

- Córki tamtych wiedźm i Prawdziwe wiedźmy autorstwa Weroniki Łodygi (dylogia wlw, les/les?, middle grade, mało romansu w pierwszej części, Hogwart ale polski i tylko dla dziewczyn, główny wątek rozwija się dość późno)

- Lato w pionierskiej chuście autorstwa Kateriny Silvanovnej i Eleny Malisovej (m/m o gejach na pionierskim obozie w ZSRR, spoko koncept ale słabe wykonanie, diabelsko potrzebuje redakcji)

[autumn-foxfire]

Oh this episode is starting with the gay scene between Ran and Sera.

Thank you for reminding me how gay and poetic Ran was about Sera.

Sonoko, you mean Mrs Sera :p

Ran's reaction is funny though: Why are you bringing up Shinichi, we didn't invite him.

And of course Sera the lesbian is not afraid to call another women sexy :p

Sera and Ran are wearing complimentary pink and blue swimsuits. So gay. When Ran first described how Sera made her hear the ocean they were also wearing pink and blue. It's their colours.

But can we not tell Sera what she can and can't wear because she doesn't have the "right" body type.

Shinichi is just one of the girls now.

Oooh they're the trans flag colours

Oh this case is going to happen between a group of karens.

Definitely a karen.

Detective Conan: if you behave like a karen you will be murdered so don't be a karen.

Ran: Sera jinxed it T-T

Sonoko: No, I think the jinx is the kid.

What they don't know is that they're both right.

Sera and Shinichi make such a good team. And they look adorable as they do. It's the queer kid solidarity.

Too many karens in this episode.

Shinichi why are you looking up easy ways to store cosmetics??? Do you have something you want to tell us? He and Kaito should have fun doing makeovers for one another.

Considering you and Heiji managed to make a very convincing wall in the Nue episode, I don't doubt it.

I don't know what type of ribbon they're using though because the ones I've had in the past are not as solid as that.

And what a weird dying message.

Shinichi, I hate to break it to you, but I'm english and I don't count like that. I use the "german and french" method you described. Also I use my dominant hand with a fork, not hold it with the left. I also know what a baseball bat looks like and not only that, we have a game here that is very similar to baseball that no doubt all english children play called rounders and the rounders bat is very similar to a baseball bat.

What I'm saying is that some of his deductions are very contrived.

[studies-in-the-art-of-deduction]

Can you deduce sexuality?

Hello! i think i'm gonna have to make a post about these "can you deduce..." questions cause the answer's technically always the same: yes

By it's very nature, deduction can be applied to anything, this is sort of like asking "can you drive me to [insert location]", the answer's technically always yes, it just depends on if you know the route, if you now the place you're in well enough, if you have a map or gps, if you have a car, if you have gas, etc. But assuming everything's in order and you know what you're doing, yeah you can drive basically anywhere that's not cut off by a whole ocean. In the same way, as long as everything's in order, you have the right skills, and you know what you're doing, yes, you can deduce basically anything

Now, to focus on sexuality specifically, like every other question i've answered (and probably will keep answering) about how to deduce specific stuff, it's just a matter of using what's available to you. Ask yourself, objectively, what would be connected to sexuality, and then look for those things

For example, any sexuality apart from heterosexuality has strong connections to the LGBTQ+ community, and people who have strong connections to that community tend to want to showcase it using pins, or stickers, or pronouns in their bio, or a plethora of other stuff. Now, does this mean that's irrefutable proof that someone's gay for example? no, but it's one clue that gets you closer to that potential conclussion. Now say that this person has a pin of the gay pride flag, well there you go, there's not many other explanations for that, you deduced that they're gay, not a difficult deduction, but a deduction nonetheless.

Assuming the situation is more complex than that, well you'll need to find more evidence, what other things are related to different sexualities? Well, at least when we deal with straight, gay, lesbian, and bi individuals who don't fall into the handful of categories that involve having to know someone or their personality to experience physical attraction, then you're gonna see them show signs of being physically attracted to certain people. Anything from the typical dilation of pupils and elevated heart rate, to just straight up checking people out, and that might just be a dead give away. Basically what i'm trying to get at is: like everything else in deduction, look for adjacent things that point towards what you're trying to find out

[moistvonlipwig]

PRIDE FLAG RATINGS

This post is for FUN AND WHIMSY ONLY and my ratings are based on how much I like each flag as a flag, not on how I feel about the community it represents or the flag's creator(s). Under the cut!

GILBERT BAKER'S ORIGINAL PRIDE FLAG: Gorgeous. Stunning. Beautiful. 10/10.

STANDARD RAINBOW PRIDE FLAG: It's missing a little something-something, but it's still pretty dang good. 8/10.

PROGRESS PRIDE FLAG (WITH INTERSEX FLAG): An affront to good taste everywhere. The worst pride flag ever made. 0/10.

PROGRESS PRIDE FLAG (W/O INTERSEX FLAG): Significantly less terrible, and yet still terrible. Please, Progress Pride Flag designers, take a single design class, I'm begging you. Also, the name rubs me the wrong way. It seems to imply that the original rainbow flag is somehow not progressive. Do not like. 1/10.

PINK MONSTROSITY LESBIAN FLAG: Ugly as hell. Way too pink. Also, not a fan of how it's Pink Because Women. 3/10.

LABRYS LESBIAN FLAG: It's purple and it's got an axe on it. What more can I say? 7/10.

EMILY GWEN'S LESBIAN FLAG: Huge improvement over the Pink Monstrosity. The sunrise/sunset vibe is nice and the colors go well together. Still not a fan of the Pink Because Women implications, though. 6/10.

GAY MALE FLAG: Ugly as hell. The turquoise doesn't work at all. And, you guessed it, not a fan of how it's Blue Because Men. Also, totally pointless? Just use the rainbow flag! 3/10.

BEAR FLAG: Sure. Why not. It's got a big ole paw on it and the colors look decently nice together, even if the color choice is a little more "REI" than "pride flag". 6/10.

BISEXUAL FLAG: The gradient is a cool concept and gives it a nice sunset feel. But the shade of purple used here is hideously ugly. It completely disrupts the gradient and flow of the flag. 4/10.

PANSEXUAL FLAG: Not bad. My complaint about the gendered use of pink and blue stands. But the colors are all nice shades. Good colors for a parrot at any rate. 6/10.

TRANSGENDER FLAG: The pink and blue problem is really egregious with this one. And I don't love the use of pastels, it feels twee. But it's not actively ugly. 4/10.

NONBINARY FLAG: Absofuckinglutely not. Go sit in the corner and think about what you've done. 2/10.

GENDERQUEER FLAG: It's ugly and the colors don't go well together at all, but I suppose it could be worse (see: the nonbinary flag). 3/10.

INTERSEX FLAG: Kind of a bizarre color combo, but it's a nice departure from all the stripes. 6/10.

ASEXUAL FLAG: Handsome, sleek, and simple. Sometimes less is more. 8/10.

OLD AROMANTIC FLAG: So ugly it's awesome. I unironically love this flag. 7/10.

NEW AROMANTIC FLAG: Not particularly good, but not interesting enough to be bad. The beige of pride flags. 5/10.

AROACE FLAG: Genuinely beautiful. A sunrise over the ocean. 10/10.

[goatlingsvent]

To further clarify my point about 'flag history' and apologies for how angry this rant/vent comes across.

Visually history of the lesbian flag:

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/1110306072260001823/1115338895660425316/FCG5qz1VgAENBSv.png_large.png

The lesbian flag in itself is based on a cougar flag which was based on a bear flag with was based on the rainbow and leather pride flags. Yet no accused the lesbians of stealing from the bears. And if you dare start that shit shut the fuck up. No one will be causing anyone of stealing jack shit from anyone. This isn't an accuse to attack sapphics and lesbians.

Hell when you actually look at the flags it could be argued that the "toothpaste" is based more off the bear and rainbow flag than the lesbian flag because the seven striped flag with a center white stripe isn't a flag concept lesbians even came up with???

If you unironically think gays "stole" shit from the lesbians. You do not know your fucking history and I want you to shut the fuck up you hypocritical little shit.

Inspiration isn't stealing. Shut up. Green/blue aren't the same colors orange/pink, and orange/pink are closer to brown/yellow than green/blue. Also all colors are color shifts of one another, congrats you discovered how colors work. Preschooler level shit.

Hell of you were to color shift to make the flag more green or blue or teal you'll just this instead of 1:1 like the color hue shift argument implies:

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/1110306072260001823/1115338869479579668/Untitled1026_20230605135602.png

Or this

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/1110306072260001823/1115338869840281681/Untitled1026_20230605135622.png

Meaning if you want to properly get the ocean flag out of the lesbian flag, you'd have to do WAY more than just color shift and at that point the color shift argument holds no weight.

🐍

[vaspider]

Please see this branch of the post for information on requesting custom items!

At this point our core flags are pretty well set based on our sales experience over the last 7 years (holy shit, it's been seven years). We are like ducks - we look pretty serene, but we're paddling like mad underneath the surface to get where we're going. I can't afford time-wise to add in more flags unless that labor is accompanied by guaranteed money.

I'm always happy for customs, and if we get sufficient customs of a particular flag, we'll start testing that flag on its own, and may include it in more things based on how it sells.

A good example of that is the Gay Men or "ocean" flag, which continues to accumulate custom items & has a few new options, like this keychain we added on our last reorder:

So I literally woke up and came downstairs to make this set of patches. @urbanprole is in the middle of like 3 other projects so these will get test-stitched and photographed when she has a hot minute, but like.

They're about 3" x 3" so you can stack up flags on your arm, backpack, w/e.

(The colors look a little wonky bc it's just a mockup for the embroidery machine, and the way it displays colors has only a passing resemblance to how those colors will look stitched out.)

[demonic-shadowlucifer]

Let's talk about the Ocean MLM flags and their creators.

Trigger warning: Discussions of discourse, transmisia, racism, overall bigotry. This is probably the closest you will get to a discourse post from me (Though tbh, is it really discourse if I'm trying to spread the truth?) Most content is from an Insta post I made a while back. I am moving it to here as well for archival purposes as well as corrections. Heads up, this post will be SUPER hecking long (And I have no idea how to cut the posts down I'm sorry) (EDIT: I finally figured it out lmfao)

Well I've been seeing stuff about the gay pride flags again. A lot of it being misinformation. I think it's time to debunk them one by one. Let's start off with myth number one: "It rips off the lesbian flag." There's millions of ways I can debunk this, but let's start with the simple ones. Fact: One MLM flag (Which I have referred to as the "Listerine" flag) actually came before the Sunset lesbian flag. (Sidenote: I lost the original and edited files when my previous computer broke but I did have the original screenshots saved on my private discord server which I use for screenshot storage, so I went ahead and saved them, and re-added the circles that I used to point out the dates).

(I would also like folks to keep this screenshot in mind, as it'll be important for debunking the next myth). Fact: The flags are actually *completely* different hue shifts. When I did a hue shift of both the MLM flags *and* Lesbian flags (both Sunset and Lipstick), I got different results.

(I forgot to make a diagram with the hue-shifted MLM flags, but I do remember what it was supposed to look like so I went ahead and made one instantly)

See the difference? All it takes is one hue shift to prove a myth wrong. Also, this is where things get really interesting. Outside of the original Lipstick Lesbian flag excluding trans lesbians and butches (Note: I consider the Lipstick Lesbian flag and Pink lesbian flag different flags), I think people forget the Lipstick Lesbian flag itself also has accusations of plagiarism. **Queer History 101 is now in session**.

This flag shown above is known as the Cougar flag. This flag was created around 2008 by a gay man named Fausto Fernos. He created the flag to bring light to sexism and ageism in the community (especially women's communities). It was inspired by the Bear Brotherhood flag. The Lipstick flag was created in 2010. And you can very much see the similarities between the Lipstick Lesbian flag and Cougar Flag. This is because the creator of the Lipstick flag stole the design of the Cougar flag and didn't give credit. I do not know if it was intentional, but knowing the Lipstick flag's creator's yikes history, I'm willing to make the bet. So basically, the Lipstick Lesbian flag itself is the one that is a stolen design, and not the MLM flags.

**This has been Queer History 101 with Shadow** Myth 2: The creator of the gay man flag is a transmed. Fact: A transmed actually reposted the flag and claimed it as their own, which caused folks to believe they were the creator.

Take a good look at the date. Now look at the date of the original post shown below (and just before anyone else does it, r/uselessredcircle. I'm too exhausted to screenshot the date so I'm just posting the screenshot again)

The creator of the flag has also expressed discomfort about transmeds using it (or, rather, reposting it for that matter lol) as well. Myth 3: The flag is bad because it has no meanings. Fact: While it's true the first flag didn't have meanings originally, that doesn't automatically mean the flag is bad. There are millions of pride flags out there that don't have meanings. Suppose we should stop using those flags now?

Myth 4: The creators are racist. This one is also incredibly false. Fact: Another user made a very poorly worded comment and was mistaken to be the creator. The creator of the second ocean flag has already made a statement on this one (Here). Additionally, as of late I've seen another rumor going around that the creators created a flag that was antiblack *and* fetishistic. That is also false. Nobody knows who created that flag. Last myth: The creators support Bi/Pan Lesbians. (SIDENOTE: Before anyone comes at me, I am a bi lesbian myself. I am simply pointing this out. And do take a look at my Mspec Lesbian exclusionism analysis for info on why excluding mspec lesbians is bad). (EDIT: I no longer identify with the bi lesbian label, however my point still stands). Fact: While one of the creators did make some bi lesbian flags (as a request by the way), idk if that means support. The other creator, however, has already stated that he is staying away from the discourse surrounding them. Not partaking in discourse is NOT a stance on something.

Additional notes: -Not using a flag/label is NOT a stance on something, and saying otherwise makes you look like a gatekeeper. /nbh

-That being said, using a specific flag does NOT make anyone a bad person. Yes, even if someone chooses to reclaim the pink flag! (Speaking of, I highly encourage reclaiming it, since it's very pretty!) -Flag discourse overall is just stupid. Go do something more productive if you can. /nf /nbh Additional info/sources (Warning: Sources may contain reclaimed slurs). Fausto's statement regarding the cougar flag being stolen. Gayflagblog's FAQ (Archived version) A twitter thread with more info. (Archived version) Spreadsheet of the allegations against the creators (Note: This one is formatted a little weird, so proceed with caution). A carrd featuring other MLM flags. The site I used for the hue-shifts.

[felony-dykery]

Thinking a lot about how lesbians have a very different experience of gender than heterosexual and bisexual women. We aren't seen as "full women". And sometimes? Idc if I'm a "full woman". Sometimes I just want to be a woman around other females and genderless around males. My connection to womanhood is so strong not just because I'm a female, but because I'm a lesbian. I feel my most Woman around Women. Problematic take but as a female I *do* have an internal sense of ~gender identity~. It's just all centered around how much more woman I feel around other women.

And so this brings me to this (very ironic, very /s) collection of lesbian gender flags. To be clear; these are not intended to replace woman or female, or really to be seriously used at all. This is just a fun little graphic design project to explain some of my feelings. But yeah. Today I have decided that if uwu inclu TRAs get to make any gender they want then So Do I dammit. So now I introduce you to:

✨👅homosexy genders for dysphoric dykes👅✨

Butch4FemmeGender: Feeling aligned with womanhood more strongly in relation to butch/femme dynamics (from the perspective of a butch). Color choice because I liked the pallette Coolers gave me, lavender for obvious reasons, vines just 'cause I vibe with them.

Butch4ButchGender: Feeling aligned with womanhood more strongly in relation to butch only relationship dynamics. Colors chosen for their similarity to the gay male flag- representing the desire to be with another masculine female. The plant here is the Butterfly Pea Flower, chosen because it's scientific name is Clitoria Ternatea and that's based.

Femme4ButchGender: Feeling aligned with womanhood more strongly in relation to butch/femme dynamics (from the perspective of a femme). Color choice meant to resemble the pink/orange lesbian flag, but softer and more pastel. Orchids inspired by Georgia O'Keeffe's vulva-esque paintings of them.

Femme4FemmeGender: Feeling aligned with womanhood more strongly in relation to femme only relationship dynamics. Color choice meant to resemble the pink/orange lesbian flag, but brighter and more vibrant. Tulips because they represent love but also mostly because they went with the color scheme😅

DysphoricLesbianGender: For dysphoric lesbians who feel their remaining ties to womanhood are linked to lesbianism. This can be used by anyone who is dysphoric, but especially those who are or have medically transitioned to some degree. Colors similar to the pink and orange lesbian flag, but tonally deeper and focused on the orange/red side. The flower is Sweet William, the only flower typically associated with masculinity/men, to represent the dichotomous way transitioned females are treated as being between sexes.

Alright that's all folquexxes. I look forward to the oceans of angry tears this is going to inspire. Like, how dare I take the precious uwu neogender concept and make it adult human female only, right? Pretty cruel of me to make people pee their pants like that😔✨

[curiositykilledtheradiostar]

I saw Multiverse Of Madness today. I want to preface this with the fact that it is a good movie, and I did, mostly, enjoy it. I also want to preface this with the fact that I am a, currently furious and raging and NOT in a horny way (save Captain Carter hot DAMN but not my point), pansexual, not some "ally" trying to preach and start trouble. I also am by no means some expert you should take seriously. I am simply queer, a person with braincells and a critical eye when I want to, and very angry.

America Chavez makes me absolutely furious. Not at her, I love her character so much, but at Marvel. I didn't know she was going to be queer walking in, probably cause I wasn't following franchise news. But I saw that little button on her jacket and I practically lit up. I was so fucking happy to finally get queer rep. To finally get to see myself in the franchise I loved.

And I was wrong. Not only was I dissapointed, but as I sat there with that movie in the credits and the ride home, I crumbled and cracked as it hit me that I got nothing but a hollow fucking shell of a rep. A button on a jacket. That's it. The only tiny piece of myself I get to see, and its a fucking garnish, an afterthought. Even less than a "token gay". I got queerbaited to the bottom of the fucking ocean to drown, played like a cheap kazoo.

How could they. I didn't even know she was a lesbian until I went looking to see if anyone else was as outraged by this as I was. And what I found was articles fucking praising the boldness of the move to add that tiny little pin, spinning tales of empowerment. I didn't even know if she was supposed to lesbian or bisexual or trans, how was I supposed to? And yes, it makes a fucking difference. I never would've known that she was LGBTQ+ at all if it weren't for that little pin.

It hurts. I feel awful. Do not get me started on the fact that her two moms were killed off within .5 seconds of appearing on screen. The worst part is that Marvel is being applauded for this shit. This is not "representation." This is an afterthought. This is them trying to earn some fucking brownie points at the last goddamn minute. My identity is not a fucking pin to put on your jacket and leave at that. My story is not reduced to only stripes on a flag that you can use to tell it. I am bigger and I am more and we all are and queer fictional characters should be too.

Would it have been so hard? For her to offhandedly say Stephen had good taste? For Captain Carter or Captian Marvel to walk in and her to trip over her own feet? To have her mention an old crush, maybe someone who got hurt and she had to leave behind? To even show her with a girl at the end? To at least follow through on the promise that pin made me, that I got to see myself on the big screen?

Maybe I wouldn't be so mad if it wasn't Marvel, if I didn't care this much about it. Maybe if it wasn't Disney, with a history of pulling bullshit like this and more. Maybe I'm overreacting.

But do not tell me I shouldn't "expect so much" of queer characters and their writing, or "not everything has to be about gayness, they need a narrative too." The Mitchells vs The Machines (2021) had a queer main character in the same subtext as America was. But Katie Mitchell also had a girl she liked, and she was looking for community of people like her, and had her own journey of self discovery shown, and she resonated with a large LGBTQ+ crowd because of that and more. And that wasn't even Katie's main narrative. It's not impossible or some unattainable standard. It's writing a queer character for queer people, instead of pushing her into a hetero-conformative box or shoving just her aside.

Marvel is multi-million dollar franchise. They could do it if they wanted to, if they tried. But they don't, and they didn't, and THAT is my problem.

I am not your brownie point. I am not a gold star to earn on your assignment. I am not a pin to put on your fucking jacket. Stop treating us like it.

[gaylittleinnkeepers]

azzie watches naruto — ep 1

We Meet Mr Catboy

(some notes: i only started watching this bc of manta sir and lesbian wisdom. i myself am a lesbian in training and i need all the help i can get lmao. OK LETS GOO)

demon fox?? i think you mean evolution vulpix

NINJAS?? IS THIS SECRETLY NINJAGO IN DISGUISE??

IS THAT A FUCKIN MASSIVE FWOG

omg whys dis baby got a fucking moana type shit on his tummy??

“i am naruto of motonui you will come on my boat and i will DUMP UR ASS IN THE OCEAN”

is that naruto?? the blonde boy?? he seems like a bitch

also catboy i mean LOOK AT DEM WHISKERS its some ash ketchum kinda stuff

I BET HE EVEN HAS TOE BEANS

the music sounds like some old pop thing lmao rick astley is that u

naruto is a mood

OOO DIS SAKURA GIRL IS CUTEEE

SHES ADORABLEEEE

OMFG NARUTO WTF- THE SEXY JUTSU- (still has the whiskers)

naruto has funny baby boots

aha naruto is W E A K

is he an orphan-? edit: CALLED IT

this has such a different style to demon slayer i cannot

AHAHA NARUTOS A PICKPOCKET WHAT A SUCKERRRR

this is some villain origin story type shit ong

I LIKE THE NINJAS THEY COOL I WANNA BE A NINJA IMAGINE

ohoho mizuki is in BIGG TROUBLES IS HE A BAD GUY??

M I Z U K I N O

EOFJSBGONSORBANDNKW NARUTO IS FUCKING WHAT?? HES AN EVIL SPIRIT?? HE LOOKS LIKE A MEOWTH WTF

NOT A DAMN EEVEE OR WHATEVER THE HELL THE NINE TAILS THING

HOLY F U C K

MIZUKI??????? WHAT IS WRONG WITH TOU

I R U K A

NOOOO I LIKED HIM >-<

nArUtoOooOooOoOoo!!!!

“those are the eyes of a demon fox” honey his eyes are generic blonde white boy eyes whatre you tryna say

OMG this scene has a lesbian flag aesthetic UwU

how the hell does naruto run-?

i cant stop seeing the lesbian flag aesthetic help me

lord hokage is a lesbian confirmed by the lighting in his room

THEYRE BOTH FROGS AAAHAHAHA

DIDNT IRUKA JUST GET STABBED?

oH NEVERMIND

naruto ruN

*doesnt run* well ok boomer (even tho in this ep hes younger than me)

DONT DOUBT IRUKA SENSEI HES TOO COOL

smh how is iruka still alive he was fucking impaled

OHOHO NARUTO BITCH SLAPPED HIM WAHAHA

naruto has a big head for a twelve yr old

AHAHA SHADOW CLONE IS SO COOL I WANNA DO ZAT

theyre all so cute lmao if i wasnt 99% gay-

eHeEEhGheEhehE - naruto uzumaki

why isnt iruka dead- wasnt he fuckin stabbed-

i guess its ninja magic *shrug*

lmao there is SO MUCH but lmk if you like me being weird!! and also lmk if you wanna get tagged to see my idiotic reactions~ see yall soon for ep 2!! this is kinda cool!! also i have a crush on sakura >-<

edit: also i think @mantabanter wanted to see? so heh here i thought it was Very Cool

[kaimactrash]

Okay first and foremost: if this flag is wrong lemme know! I have been googling but obviously, it can only go so far in trustablity since pages can be boosted.Anyway, heres my crew of lesbian OCs,

realise I have very few gay men ocs bc I've been in a real drawing fems mood lately, but theres a few there

info below on the ocs

other than Lith none of these women were born on earth, or even lived on it, so they don't have the exact same gender and physical sex rules we do, so this is more the closest term that fits all of my ladies who love ladies&enbees.up in the top left we have Lottie, she's not really into sex that much, but shes all about the romance, shes a very loving person, but deeply scared from several events leaving her with intense PTSD. She's a Frenrar native would was recruited as a demon, she was much more anthro as a human, but lost some of it on the transition to demon. She starts her story being rescued, while greatful, within a few months of world trecking she realised that this isn't what she wants to do anymore, she decides to hang out at Valentino, Skye, and Pipers traveling bar, called The Turkeys Tail. There she studies endlessly to solve a few magic issues on Franrar with the help of Valentino, it takes time but she ends up being the demon to be able to break the Elders curse, in the form of cuffs binding all lower (Hokey) demons, which prevents them running of flying away. She's a pacifist & would really like if there were no wars going on, but since she can't stop them herself, she tries to do so with her experiments. She's growing a lot as i write her and get to know her which is cool, I love when you can just almost hear a character coming together in your mind. all the inspo! Sorry for the ramble! it's good to get this stuff down when I'm in brain storming mind! Across from Lottie, top right, is lith! If you've followed me for years you know lith a bit, she was once a middle aged woman from earth, she made the transition over to demon at the end of a long fight with respiritory illness. Shes very busy lady being one of the two first primary protagonists, while she has some time to adjust to demon life, it didn't come with its own issues, and she ws soon through into a resistance for a place she arrived in not that long ago, she works it out over time. She also works out her sexuality, as a human, she pretty much burried her sexuality but the freedom of a while new world, one filled with many more queer people like her, haha.below her the giant elder Galo stands, due to her bullish attitude and hard headed focus, she struggles with this and the power battles in the Demon realm, often failing to see the wider issue as rilo refocuses her everytime she get close to figuring them out. Shes a bit new so a little under developed but shes going to be apearing quite a lot at the start of the story, then return later, so I'll have some time to get to know her. that tiny lil green triclops like thing, is Shihosu, my most precious and special baby, I wanna protect her even thou i'm the one writting the conflict in her world. She actually dies before she even apears, but shes brough back by octo ( the gold and purple octomaid lady.) and this essentially makes her speicies see her as some blessed chosen one, she has a big repuatation and after seeing and hearing other members of her speices die, she goes on the hunt for octo to find out why she was chosen...she has plenty of fun nights out during  this, so she has a good life work balance.   Shihosu is checking out Elviras butt. Elvira is basically an effigy brought to life by her father Emesh, She's a romantic at heart and can't help but coo and awe at any acts of love. Her father is very over protective and it takes a long time for her to be given true free reign of her life, shes thousands of years old by that point, so she gets out and finds the area outside her home is a semi-apocolyptic waste land filled with strange speicies and creatures, she quick decides she has left because she's to help. Her father is actually aware that he was to let her go off on her own as soon as she'd ask. He was inspired to create her while tripping hard, and the voice told him how to make her, and why he should....*mystery music.*Lastly we have the aforementioned Octo, and her wife, Beefy. By the time we meet them, they've been married a few years and they are obnoxiously in love. Beefy was earth child some how snatched onto Frenrar, she doesn'y know who did it, why, or even how, even though she meets others like her over time, none of them seem to know who did this, and no one on frenrar seems to know who could even do that. She was found in a box in the woods, no older than a year, and the Fleetfoots, a rabbit like spieces with multiple varients across frenrar, the spieces are known for strength, mentally and phsyically, hardiness, and determination, which ended up feeling perfect for Beefy, until Octovar arrived, Not immediately though. Octo was there over a summer at her father request, as she had gained a reputation for making scenes at big public royal family events, so as it is so oftem the rebelious princess is sent off out of daddys way, while he does his old boring bussiness. Beefy spent a lot of her time building and training physically, and Octovar would often be around. She's very curious as someone who lives mostly in the sea, being so far from the ocean, the lifestyles felt completely alien to one another. Over time awkward stares and little comments evolved in to longing looks and full on flirting. Always very opinionated, Octovar opened up to beefy about why she was here, why she was fighting them, and why she needed to leave before her father came back to collect her, Beefy agreed and talked about a Fleetfoot called Piper who had been here, but left after a visit from a powerful mage, beefy had kept contact via letters, so was now aware, Piper was an active member of the resistance. Beefy said her goodbyes, their culture never saw one set of parents, everyone raised everyone basically, so it was scary, but the elders reccomended beefy go try it out, reminding her, her burrow will always be there for her when or if she ever comes back.While we meet them at wives I'm 100% planning a prequel comic on them from meeting each other, to when they meet lith landon and the crew.OOf woops sorry these are meant to be silly cute lil pieces but I get all focused on lore! I'm still planningon doing more even though pride is over, I'm planning on doing one with gay men, then aro/ace. I may also do one with other mspec idnetities, but I do not have many ocs in those categories, YET! I will defo have more as more characters are created, I gotta make a whole planet of people. so theres gonna be variety.I may try and put all my trans characters together for a trans flag, but i may use the art I already made of them! Happy pride Lesbains*! (*and all the groups simailir or under that lable)        

[flirting-with-psychology]

A Do you live in America?: Yes Favorite Animal?: Wolf Do you like Apples?: They’re not my favorite fruit but they’re not bad Would you ever be an Astronaut?: Probably not Do you shop at American Eagle?: No

B Who is your Best Friend?: Right now I’d say Cristi Do you have a Boyfriend?: Yes Are you Bisexual?: Maybe just a little bit, but still like 98% straight Did/Do you play with Barbies?: Yeah Do you have a Baby?: No

C What is your favorite type of Chocolate?: Dark chocolate. What’s your favorite Candle scent?: Cinnamon Do you celebrate Christmas?: No What’s your favorite Color?: Green or pink Do you like Cats?: Yes

D What holidays do you Decorate for?: Hanukkah and sometimes halloween Are you scared of the Dentist?: No Do you like doing DIYs?: Yeah sometimes, but not for like household stuff When was the last time you went to the Doctor?: In december What’s your favorite alcoholic drink?: Moscato

E What do you do for Easter?: Nothing or sometimes an easter egg hunt when I was a kid What is one thing you do Every day?: Check my phone Have you ever seen the Eiffel Tower?: Yes Would you say you’re Emotional?: Yes What’s your favorite thing to Eat?: Chocolate

F How many Friends do you have?: Idk? Have you ever been Frisked by the police?: No Do you enjoy French Fries?: Yes How often do you Forget things?: A decent amount Have you ever gotten into a Fight?: Not a physical one

G Are you a Girl?: Yes Do you believe in God?: No Do you have a Girlfriend?: No Are you Gay?: No Are you Glad to be taking this survey?: Yeah it’s different

H Do you dress up for Halloween?: Yes, I love halloween Hello, How are you today?: Eh Do you like Horses?: Yeah Have you ever been High?: A couple times Do you like Hot weather?: Not really, I like warm but over 85 kinda sucks

I Do you think this survey is Incredible?: Nah What’s your favorite flavor of Ice cream?: Coffee Toffee Bar Crunch What is one of your Interests?: Jewelry Did you do the Ice Bucket Challenge?: No Have you ever been Ice skating?: Yes

J Tell me a Joke.: Knock knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t tell the long version of this joke? What is your favorite Junk Food?: Chocolate Is there any Jewelry you wear every day?: No What’s your favorite type of Juice?: orange juics Do you believe in Jesus?: No

K Who was the last person you Kissed?: My boyfriend Describe your first Kiss.: We were hanging out in my room and cuddling on my bed so I figured we should kiss, it wasn’t the best Have you every Kicked someone in the balls?: Not on purpose Will you break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar?: Not in this pandemic What’s your favorite Kids’ show?: Drake and Josh

L Are you a Lesbian?: No Are you in Love?: I’m not sure Do you like Lemons?: I like them in things, but not plain What do you eat for Lunch?: I had eggs in toast for brunch Do you Lose things often?: Kinda, but mostly just in my own house

M Do you watch Markiplier?: No Do you know someone named Michael?: Yes Do you play Minecraft?: No Do you Miss someone?: I miss everyone I can’t see in person Do you like Mozzarella sticks?: Yes

N Would you consider yourself a Nice person?: I guess so What’s your Nickname?: Star Do you get your Nails done?: Not too often Do you listen to Nickelback?: Not really Have you bought anything New?: Yeah I buy new stuff all the time. Most recent was the DVD of Galavant

O Do you sleep with your door Open?: No, that’s awful Do you know anyone who has really bad Odor?: Kinda Would you ever be in an Open relationship?: No Do you like being at the Ocean?: Yes How Old are you?: 26

P Do you watch Pewdiepie?: No Have you ever Puked mid blowjob?: Lol no Do you like People?: They’re ok What are your favorite Pizza toppings?: Cheese, pineapple, and garlic Do you have any Piercings?: Just my ears

Q Are you a Quiet person?: I am until I am comfortable with you Have you ever Quit a job?: Not really, I got laid off with the option to change positions but I declined that option How Quick are you getting ready to leave the house?: I’m terrible at it, it takes at least 2 hours What is your favorite Quote?: Carpe diem Have you ever met a Queen?: No but I saw the queen of England in a parade

R Have you ever had Rabies?: No Are you close to your Relatives?: Only my parents What ended your last Relationship?: He said didn’t have time for a girlfriend Do people call you a Redneck?: No Rate this survey.: 6

S Do you like sports?: Mostly not What is your favorite Sex position?: Missionary Do you like to go to Six Flags?: Yes Is Summer your favorite Season?: probably not, I like fall Do you like to Shout?: Not usually

T Do you Toast your Poptarts?: No Do you like to be Terrified?: Not usually Are you on Tinder?: I used to be and I still have my profile Do you like Tacos?: No Have you ever played Tennis?: Only in gym class, and not well

U Are you wearing Underwear?: Yes At a restaurant, What’s your Usual?: Depends on the restaurant Quick! Look Under your bed. What’s there?: A box of toiletries Have you seen the movie Up?: Yes Would you say you’re an unorganized person?: In my personal life

V Do you like Velcro?: Not particularly, I don’t like the scratchy sound it makes What would be your perfect Valentine’s day?: A romantic date Have you ever seen a Velociraptor?: No Have you ever Visited a Volcano?: No What Vehicle do you drive?: Subaru Forester

W Do you like the Water?: Yes Do you like Wendy’s?: I like the nuggets Do you like Walruses?: I have no opinion Do you hate Waiting?: Yes Do you like Waffles?: Yes

X Have you ever played with a Xylophone?: Only when I was little Have you ever had an Xray?: Yes Did you ever wish you had Xray vision?: No Do you still love your EX?: No Do you hate the letter X?: No, it’s just a letter

Y Is your favorite color Yellow?: No What has been your favorite Year?: 2nd grade or junior year of college Do you hate being Yelled at?: Who doesn’t? What did you do Yesterday?: Had an interview and then watched a lot of New Girl What was your favorite thing to do when you were Younger?: Play story games with my friends

Z Have you ever went to the Zoo?: Yeah Do you hate getting Zits?: Yes Do you like Zebras?: They’re fine Do you like eating Zebra cakes?: Never had one Do you use Zedge?: I don’t know what that is

[sierra-writing-blog]

Questioning

I messed up and might be turning this in late as I assumed the class wouldn’t end until the last day of finals, oops oh well here goes nothing

There have never been another four colors 

placed so neatly together

that have inspired such fear

anxiety

hope

belonging

all at the same time.

I can't remember the first time I saw them.

I remember the first time I saw a gay man.

well, probably not the very first, but the first obvious one.

An un-apologetic icon who wore a light pink bow in his hair my first day of Freshman year.

I wanted to learn more and do more to support such beautiful open souls, and be a hand held out to those who still hid 

like flowers waiting for the right sun to bloom.

I wanted to be an Ally.

My heart was soft for anyone, hate and exclusion had no place in it.

I wanted always to embody acceptance, compassion, kindness, love. 

I remember seeing and meeting trans people for the first time. 

I remember wondering what that would be like, feel like, to agonize over the way the world perceived you, or even the way you perceived yourself. I don't remember the first time I learned that Nonbinary existed. 

For a long time, I thought the binary was the only option.

Woman or man

trans woman or trans man

I didn't know for a time that there was another option.

I didn't know there was a word for not relating to the experience of everyone around you 

not fitting in with one or the other.

I remember being a kid.

I Hated pink. Hated dresses. Hated Barbies.

Was it just stereotypical femininity I was rejecting? 

Or was I rejecting an identity that didn't suit me and I had no way of knowing how to describe that experience?

I was told and believed for so long that I was just a "Tom Boy"

a masculine girl.

It was the best I could come up with, and it fit decently enough.

I remember 7th grade, when I sat with a group of girls I became a part of in 6th. 

I remember trying to be a part of their conversations and felt....lost.

"They aren't like you."

"The boys aren't like you either."

In those moments I would breathe in the words

"There's no right or wrong way to be a woman. 

They're just more feminine than you, that's all."

That phrase has always felt like clinging to a piece of driftwood

in a stormy sea.

Of course It's okay to be a woman and like masculine things.

Another thing is this

I like men, I'm not a lesbian. 

My sexuality is one of the few things I've been certain of. Well, at least until I found myself drooling over a few more femme-aligned AFAB nonbinary folks too.

I'm gonna stick with "Heteroflexible" though.

Why then, did something light up inside when my sister told me I looked like "A Dark Academia Gay"

Androgynous people of any assigned sex are breathtaking to me.

I really have to wonder now

am I just attracted to them

or want to be them?

Why did I, out of pure curiosity, put on an old small strapless bra that hugged just tight enough to hide the bumps under my new clothes

when I also playfully jiggle them in the mirror after stepping out of the shower?

I don't want them gone.

Maybe just....flattened out sometimes.

I'm in so many LGBTQ+ spaces, always trying to educate myself and feel like I was a part of something bigger than myself.

The words that flowed from their Youtube videos 

in the dark of night 

while I lay in bed grasping the phone 

watching in secrecy like I was learning some kind of forbidden knowledge.

They planted tiny seeds of questions.

Of doubts.

I never felt like I truly knew who I was.

I still don't know who I am.

I started watching these videos.

I feel like I wanted to be told that I was wrong.

That I was just a woman 

overreacting

overthinking

as usual for my scattered neurodivergent brain.

I wanted a kiddie pool of basic reason

and they gave me an ocean with the singular answer being

"Only you define who you are."

I saw a comic once.

I don't remember the title.

An AFAB nonbinary person describing their experiences in a gendered world

who cut their hair

looked into the mirror

and saw themself for the first time.

"Oh" they thought.

"There you are"

Something resonated about those pictures with me

but the idea of being in that position

feels like standing on a cliff

about to look down over an edge

into an abyss below.

They say as you look into the abyss, so too does the abyss look into you.

Will I like the answer?

As soon as I cut my hair, wear round glasses instead of my usual rectangles like I daydream and make Picrews of now.

Will I feel that way too?

Or will I hate the look, hiding my short hair in shame and praying it grows back quickly?

Will I hang the flag of yellow, white, purple and gray over my door someday

across the short hallway from my sister's Bi flag?

She has so much Pride 

and confidence in herself

her identity

and I have none

and I am jealous of her for it.

I feel silly for even asking the questions.

.It's too late...right? 

I can already hear them in my head

the voices of friends and family.

"You should've known sooner that you were different"

"You will always be a girl no matter what you call yourself"

"You will regret this"

"You don't have dysphoria, how can you be anything but a girl"

"Girls can be masculine too"

How can I defend myself

if I don't know whether they are right or wrong?

Aren't I too old to reinvent or redefine myself?

The truth is that I don't know the answer.

Am I a "She"?

Am I a "They"?

I've lived this one way so long already

I don't know I could live any other way.

The truth is that I will never know

until I take the leap.

Until a glint of scissors in the light

sends loose hair to the floor

affix the round lenses that keep coming up in Facebook ads that call to me.

Will I look into the mirror

and finally see myself too? 

[sadncssfossilized]

sexuality troubles.

i’m so fucking confused. being non-binary/trans makes everything so fucking hard. i don’t know where i fit... anywhere on the sexuality spectrum. i have no idea if all of my attraction to men is real or if i’m forcing it on myself bc im afab. i don’t know if i’m bi. ive always wanted to be attractive to men ever since i was small i think as a coping mechanism because of trauma. but i’m also extremely scared of older men, even if i do find celebrities attractive. but a lot of male celebrities i straight up DONT find attractive at all, they’re like cardboard to me. i don’t know if that’s because i think a lot of hollywood white men hearththrobs look extremely bland/the same bc white society or if there’s something genuinely off with my attraction to men meter. ive heard people say that not being able to process whether a man is attractive or not is a lesbian thing. but i don’t feel like a lesbian. i don’t feel female. i love women, i have always known that, but i don’t feel like a woman and i don’t want to be a woman. i want to look masculine. i want to be masculine. i don’t want to be a girl anymore. i don’t want to be a man, completely, i just want to be.... not a woman. not a man. a nothing.

is it a preference or am i only attracted to women?? i loved being bi. i love the flag i love the options, and i don’t really process people’s gender’s except on a social level. ive never been close with ANY boys across my life, or even more than acquaintances because of my shy and reserved nature and i’ve never connected with any on a personal level both because of fear, being flustered, and feeling like they’re cooler and more superior to be and genuinely a different species so to say, so i don’t know if that has to do with my fear of being sexually involved with them. i’m always afraid men want the worst from me, and i always get the feeling that they are judging me based on my attractiveness to them and discard me mentally as soon as i am not and i hate that so much. i think because i’ve never known a boy truly and deeply, i keep prejudices against them and don’t think that they are as compassionate or HUMAN as non-men. but at the same time, i’ve always felt called to get self worth from their attraction to me. literally since pre-elementary. even if i think a guy is ugly i still base my worth off of if he’s attracted to me?? it’s automatic, and fucked up. i’m scared to go further than flirt with a boy. i’m scared to mess up conversationally , i’m scared of entering a relationship with one especially because i’d be the “woman” in it, and i don’t want to be fucked like a man fucks a woman. i want a queer man so i can feel safe and normal around him. straight men are an enigma to me. they scare me so much with their lack of societal awareness and cruelty. i feel like they don’t GET IT you know? but if i ever was to date one, since i’m pre transition and in the closet i’d have to pretend to be a woman and pretend to be okay with that. the idea of a man taking me like i was a woman makes me want to hurl.... that’s not the relationship dynamic i want at all.

all of my emotions toward men are so fucking conflicting. ive dreamed of kissing men before, fantasized about being soft with them, holding their hand, cupping their face and kissing them gently, but if they’re an irl i never fantasize about what they would be like sexually, land the idea kind of off puts/repulses me in a way. thinking of my irl women crushes kind of makes me feel the same way, but i’m more open to the possibility of that? ive never had a relationship with a man and only probably had like 1 male friend across my entire life, so my fear could be because of trauma + fear of the unknown + bc of my prejudices bc of my lack of experience + dysphoria. meanwhile, i’ve had 1 girlfriend and all of my friends have been female my whole life. ive just NEVER been comfortable around boys/men. which i feel like is less indicative of lesbianism and more of like. trauma haha. i sexualized myself at such a young age to cater to the boys around me and even to the adult men around me, it hurts to think about. i hate how trauma complicates everything. i don’t know why i have that impulse, i don’t know why it started. ive just never felt safe around a boy. i feel like they always want something from me. ive been attracted to them but i’m soo scared o f them. like, i always have something to prove, whether it be my personality or humor or attractiveness, just to stay in their presence.

nsfw incoming.

ive tried to jack off to a lot of gay porn and i think my men attraction meter is broken because so many of the men in gay porn are ugly/unattractive to me. straight up. in their face, and body. and the body ideals in the gay community, where i would fit in post transition, don’t.... resonate with me. like not to be crude but a lot of the body types of the men in here are unattractive to me, but then again it’s white dominated and caters to a very specific vision of a huge bubble butt, way huge thighs, overly ripped chest, bland ass white boy faces paired with ugly haircuts. is this what i’m supposed to be attracted to? the men i’ve been attracted to irl do not look like that. the men in gay porn are all so passionless too. (which is honestly an issue i have that makes jacking off to women in porn sort of difficult too??) i don’t know. i don’t feel like i’m attracted to men the same way gay men are. but then again, how would i know that? i don’t know any actual gay men. i just know from some porn blogs? some pornhub videos? i don’t fucking know. i jack off to images/videos of men very few times compared to how much i get off to women bc of my particularity . it’s more difficult, but it’s easier by when i think about how the man feels, like his pleasure, his sounds, his expressions, rather than the aesthetics of it all. not to say i don’t appreciate the aesthetics of some nice men- chris evans, frank ocean, rob mcelhenney, taika waititi, nice. which sounds like a very non-lesbian thing to say i would think, but i know a ton of lesbians who talk about celebrity men super raunchily and stuff, so i don’t know anymore and i don’t think i know enough about lesbianism to know whether these are lesbian experiences or not. the majority of men content ive jacked off to has been gay fan fiction, and that has actually been easy to get off to bc of the descriptions and the i can visualize characters and passion the way i want. it’s harder to do it with actual videos/images of men, because it’s so different in my mind and imagination m, but that may be bc gay porn can involve a lot of roughness/impersonal-ness? also i feel like i still have a certain degree of internalized homophobia toward both wlw AND mlm despite working through my acceptance of my sexuality for a number of years.

i just want a person. but i don’t know if it’s beyond my control who i’m sexually attracted to. my sexual attraction to men is a lot lower than to women, and it’s a lot easier for me to make them bland in my head and not be able to point out a unique thing about them . i feel like girls are more... distinct/easily alluring to me than most men you know. that may also be affected by how women actually know how to dress and look unique and men don’t really shift from 1 bland societal style, i don’t know. i don’t know. i want to be attracted to men. as a transmasc, i want to be gay. i don’t want to be straight. ive been gay all my life, and i don’t want to leave that label. i want softness and love. but men scare me, and i don’t know if it’s because of a tragic coalescence of bad life experiences (or lack thereof) or because of genuine lesbianism. ive talked so much about being bi, and even been called a confused lesbian before by transphobes, and ever since they said it i cant stop questioning. i feel like at this point i HAVE to be a lesbian or something, bc that’s how this shit goes in movies and stories. i don’t want to be a lesbian. i want to be attracted to men, i wanna be bi and be equally attracted to both, i want experiences with both in my mind, but irl i get so fucking scared and i don’t want anything to do with it. i don’t wanna be a straight transmasc and i also don’t want to become what transphobes have spent their time telling me i am. i want to be what i’ve always thought i’ve been, bisexual and transmasc. i was comfortable with bisexual, until everybody else kept telling me to question and it’s been eating me alive since. fuck. i don’t know anything. is this a preference and bad combination of a huge number of deeper factors or am i straight up NATURALLY not attracted to men? have i been lying to mhself? have all my attractions in the past been fake? this is gonna sound terrible but i don’t want to be a lesbian. it doesn’t feel right. and id be proving the horrible people right, and have to retract everything i’ve ever said about being bi to my following on my other social media. and i’ve said a LOT. and i’d also have to give up my admiration of my irl men crushes and male celebrities and their sexiness. all of this shit is so ridiculous but at least i’m being honest with myself with this post. someone help me haha