#I like Sunday because he’s just very mentally unwell | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

101flavoursofweird · 1 year ago

Note

How about 14 or 15 from the little moments prompt list for Laydore?

((Thank you for the prompt! I went with…

14. Person A just holding onto Person B while Person B is having a bad mental health day.

I did enjoy writing this but had to get Hershel and Henry to a point where the ‘holding on’ felt in character for me while they’re still teens and not on the closest of terms yet. I wanted to write this set before the Stansbury Gang flashbacks because my last fic about them had them as adults. Hope this is ok!))

Title: Sanding down your silence

Spoilers: Very slight spoilers for Miracle Mask

Set: Before the Stansbury flashbacks. Hershel and the gang are 16.

Warnings: Reference to minor character death… and Henry being treated like a second class servant to the Ascot family.

It was six AM on Sunday when something flew into Hershel’s window, startling him awake.

Hershel stumbled out of bed, shoved his desk chair aside, and squinted out of his window. He groaned.

Two figures were standing outside his house, on a Sunday morning, at six AM.

Angela gave him a nervous wave. Randall made a beckoning motion.

Grumbling about his block-headed ‘best friend’, Hershel threw on a coat and snuck downstairs— even though he felt like stomping.

Hershel stepped out of the house, quietly shut the front door behind him, and went to meet Randall and Angela, who were waiting beyond the fence.

“Randall!” Hershel hissed. “Do you want to give my Ma a heart attack…?”

He trailed off when he caught sight of their fancy outfits, like the pair of them were ready to start waltzing right in front of him.

“…Why are you dressed like that?”

Randall fiddled with the collar of his white shirt. “My father’s dragging me to a family get-together—“

“In my front garden?”

“No— in London!” Randall retorted.

Both Hershel and Angela shushed him.

“Sorry, Hershel…” Angela smoothed out the ends of her yellow dress. “I told him this wasn’t a good idea, but he insisted—“

“Can I ask you a huge favour?” Randall pleaded. He didn’t wait for Hershel’d reply. “I have to leave soon, and Angela is my date, but Henry can’t come with us— he’s not feeling well enough—“

“Forgive me, but I am not going in Henry’s place as your… assistant,” Hershel said dryly. (He had never completely understood how the Ascots were able to hire Henry as a ‘servant’ like the rest of their household staff, despite Henry only being sixteen.)

“As if,” Randall said, in a tone that suggested Hershel would make a terrible assistant. “All I’m asking is for you to check on Henry while we’re gone. I absolutely forbade him from doing any chores today, but knowing him, he’ll still try to help!”

Hershel didn’t really know Henry, outside of him being Randall’s childhood friend… What right did Hershel have to tell Henry what he could and couldn’t do?

Whenever Hershel felt rough, he usually preferred to be left alone with a book and a cup of tea. He could imagine Henry would respond similarly, as he was a solitary person too.

“I’m… not sure…”

“Please, Hershel?” Angela clasped her hands in front of her, bracelets clinking around her wrists. “Please… It wouldn’t have to be for long, but if you could just pop over to see if Henry’s resting, you would save us so much worry…”

(Were those real tears in her eyes?)

Hershel sighed. “Oh, alright!”

Surely Henry would not appreciate being disturbed at the crack of dawn, especially if he was unwell…

So, Hershel waited until nine AM to leave the house, after assuring his mother than no one had tried to break in earlier that morning.

(“Hershel, did you hear a banging noise at around about six o’clock?”

“Nothing to worry about, Ma. That was just Randall trying to get my attention.”

“Oh— that’s alright then! Did you invite him inside?”

“No, Ma…”)

The trek to Ascot Manor felt different at this time of day; the sky was a pale blue, barely anyone Hershel’s age was out and about, and the birds seemed to be more active.

Hershel was so used to climbing through Randall’s bedroom window at night, that he’d almost forgotten the Ascots had a front door, concealed by a large stone porch.

His nervous knocks were met by Margot, the family’s maid. Glaring down at Hershel from behind her huge glasses, she informed him, rather dismissively, that Randall had gone away with his parents and they wouldn’t return until tomorrow. Hershel explained (where, evidently, Randall had not) that he had come to visit Henry.

Hearing this, Margot looked very surprised, but she let Hershel in and led him to the staircase.

“If Henry has recovered, please tell him there is still work to be done in the kitchen,” Margot said sternly. “You are welcome to help too, if you’re not busy…”

“R-right!” Hershel stammered, before he shot upstairs.

He went straight to Randall’s room, where he saw a hastily-written ‘Do Not Disturb!’ sign had been taped to the door.

Hershel cleared his throat. He tapped on the door and tentatively called, “Hello… Henry?”

Silence. (Hershel should have expected this…)

Still, Hershel persisted, “It’s Hershel… Randall sent me to—“

Slowly, with great effort, the door opened. Henry peered out at Hershel. His eyes were red, his jaw was tense and his nose was streaming

“P-please excuse me…” Henry sniffed. He turned away to wipe his face with his arm. “I’m… I’m not…”

“Not well?”

Looking back at Hershel, Henry nodded.

“Can I, er, get you anything?” Hershel offered. “A tissue…?”

Another nod.

“And a… cold drink, maybe?”

“Thank you,” Henry mumbled, before he closed the door once more.

“Okay…” Hershel sighed and dashed down to the kitchen.

The Ascots’ chef, Abilio, was far more accommodating than Margot. They gave Hershel a tray, some soft tissues, a jug of orange juice, two glasses, and some red velvet cupcakes.

Hoping he wouldn’t run in to Margot, Hershel carried the full tray back up to Randall’s room.

This time, Henry let him in immediately, and tried to take the tray from Hershel.

“It’s fine,” Hershel said, setting the tray on one of the wooden steps leading up to Randall’s loft. (Or whatever he called that chaotic excuse for a shelf above his bookshelf!)

“Thank you,” Henry sighed as he shut the door. He faced Hershel, fidgeting with his hands. “I’m sorry to… burden you with all this. I’m sure you have much better things you could be doing with your weekend…”

“Not really,” Hershel said nonchalantly.

As much as he’d complained to Randall, he really didn’t have much planned for today, aside from studying and reading. “Any adventures I might have had were cancelled…”

“…In Master’s Randall’s absence, yes,” Henry said, smiling slightly. He came to pour them each a glass of orange juice.

“My favourite!” Hershel remarked, in a pitiful attempt at small talk.

He was relieved when Henry replied, “Mine, too.”

Yet again, the silence reared its head between them.

Hershel sipped his glass of orange juice, straining to think of a discussion topic…

Randall (chatterbox that he was) never had this problem…

Of course— Randall!

“Why were Randall and his family called to London so suddenly?” Hershel exclaimed.

Henry’s eyes lit up; he was more than happy to discuss Randall.

“Master Randall’s cousin— Lady Ascot’s nephew— has secured a place at Gressenheller University, after…” Henry hesitated, as if he was about to reveal a dark family secret. “…After being overlookedpreviously… Lady Ascot’s sister arranged a party at their estate to celebrate his achievement.”

Hershel hummed. (It certainly paid to be rich!) “I’m sure Randall— and Angela— would have preferred to stay here, with you.”

Henry shrugged. “Perhaps… but Master Ascot insisted they should all go. There is nothing more important to him than family…” Henry paused.

Hershel placed his empty glass on the step. The conversation seemed to have dried up there, but he could sense something was wrong with Henry.

It didn’t appear to be an illness, like a cold (as far as Hershel could see), but whatever it was still had a physical effect on Henry; furrowed brows, slumped shoulders and lacking his usual energy…

When Henry had answered the door to Hershel, Hershel could have sworn he’d been crying.

“Erm, these are for you—“ Hershel pointed to the cupcakes. “—from the chef!”

“That’s very kind of Abilio,” Henry murmured. “I’ll make sure to thank them later.” He gestured for Hershel to take a cupcake.

Hershel removed the cake’s wrapper, making sure he didn’t drop any crumbs. “You won’t have to… to do any chores later, will you?“

“Master Randall made me promise not to,” Henry huffed, shaking his head. “And he sent you to keep an eye on me, no doubt…”

To save himself for answering, Hershel stuffed the whole cake inside his mouth.

“But you can’t possibly stay here all day,” Henry said.

The silence returned with a vengeance.

Hershel slowly ate the cake. (Not only was it delicious but he gave him more time to devise a response!)

When he had finished, Hershel ventured, “I could stay, if you nee— if you want company.”

“I don’t.”

Hershel tried not to take that personally. His parents had told him about a time when he was a young child— when he wouldn’t talk to anyone. It was only through patience, perseverance and care that they had gotten little Hershel to open up.

“Well…” Hershel waved his hands around the room. “Is there anything Randall needs help with?”

Henry started, “Nothing that I can’t—“

“What about up there?” Hershel pointed up to Randall’s loft, stacked with grubby overflowing boxes. “When was the last time Randall had a clear out?”

“Tha—that’s where Master Randall keeps his tools—“ Henry barred the way up the steps with his long arms. “—and some treasures. He wouldn’t want us to—“

“I want to make sure he’s organised, for the next time he drags me out on an adventure.” Hershel ducked under Henry’s arms and marched up the steps. “You can help me, if you choose to.”

Hershel had said that very deliberately; he wasn’t giving Henry an order, and Henry was under no obligation to obey.

To his surprise, Henry sighed with defeat… and maybe some relief. “Alright, then… If you could bring down those boxes— carefully— I’ll have a look through them…”

Several hours had passed by the time they finished cleaning out Randall’s loft, organised everything worth keeping, and chucked out anything Henry deemed ‘for the bin’.

Hershel hoped Randall wouldn’t mind; not that they had moved all of his belongings (Randall was constantly hiding puzzles in Hershel’s room), but the fact that Hershel had gotten Henry to assist him.

Yes, it had been a hard job, but it wasn’t technically one of Henry’s chores…

Besides, Henry had chosen to help, and he seemed… not happier, but more content when he was kept busy.

That was, until Hershel found a small red brooch at the back of the loft. It was shaped like a ladybug, studded with rubies and no bigger than a walnut.

Assuming it was another one of Randall’s treasures, Hershel brought it down to show Henry.

When he caught sight of the brooch, however, Henry blanched.

“What is it?” Hershel asked worriedly, holding the brooch out to him.

Henry swallowed. He accepted the brooch and cradled it in his hands as if it were a real ladybug. “This is… This was given to me… as a gift. I thought I’d lost it…”

“Maybe Randall found it?”

“No,” Henry said firmly. “Master Randall knows what this— this means to me.” He frowned up at the loft. “One of the staff might have picked it up, assumed it belonged to Randall, and put it amongst his things… but I swear, this is mine.”

“I believe you,” Hershel murmured. He could never imagine Henry stealing from the Ascot family, especially not from Randall.

Henry slipped the brooch into his pocket, but immediately removed it again.

“I need to put this somewhere safe,” he muttered, “without anyone seeing…” Warily, Henry glanced from the bedroom door to Hershel. “Hershel— please can you accompany me for just a few moments?”

“Of course.”

Following Henry out of the room and down the hall, Hershel kept an eye out for Margot or any other servants who might question them.

On the other side of the house, they reached a narrow stairwell.

“Does this lead to the tower with the turret?” Hershel whispered as they made their way up the spiralling steps. It was dizzying— and rather dark.

He almost bumped into Henry, who had stopped at the top of the stairs.

“Yes,” Henry said, pushing open a door, “and my room.”

“Oh…!” Hershel exclaimed as they entered the small circular space.

Hershel had, ignorantly, imagined Henry slept in a room with the other servants, but Henry had his own bed— slender though it was.

Squashed in beside the bed was a plain set of drawers, with a stack of books on top.

There was a window, slimmer than those in Randall’s room…. Honestly, it reminded Hershel of a prison.

How many hours had Henry spent in here, feeling like he was trapped in a tower? No wonder he always pottering around the rest of the house…

“It’s… cosy,” Hershel supplied.

Humming, Henry went to place the ladybug brooch under his pillow. As he moved the pillow, a piece of card— a photograph— fluttered to the floor.

Hershel blinked at the figure in the grainy picture—

Henry snatched the photo back up and returned it to its hiding place. He glared at Hershel.

Hershel lifted his hands. “I didn’t see…”

His glare softening, Henry sighed. “My mother, Alice… She gave me this brooch before she… passed on. Ten years ago today.”

“I’m sorry,” Hershel intoned— because what else could he say?

Hershel was fortunate enough to have two loving, wonderful parents in his life. Yes, his Ma could be a worrywart, and his Pa was prone to wandering off, but that was the worst of it.

At least Hershel’s parents weren’t as strict as Mr. Ascot. Ma might fret occasionally, but not like Angela’s parents…

Even then, none of them had lost a parent, like Henry.

“It was a long time ago,” Henry dismissed.

They left the room and descended the stairwell in silence… until Henry let out a gasp. Hershel turned. Henry crashed into him headfirst.

Luckily, they were near the bottom of the stairwell. Hershel caught Henry by the shoulders as they stumbled down the last few steps.

“Are you— alright?”

“Yes, I—“ Henry grunted with pain and embarrassment. “—Just missed a step back there… Sorry.”

They emerged into the hallway. Henry straightened up. Reluctantly, Hershel removed his hands from Henry’s shoulders.

“Can you walk?” Hershel breathed.

“O-of course…” Henry strode down the hallway, though Hershel noticed a slight limp in his step.

When they were back in Randall’s room, away from prying ears, Hershel checked, “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Henry lowered himself onto Randall’s red couch. “Believe it or not, I’m actually feeling better than… than I was earlier.” He titled his head back and closed his eyes.

“That’s— good,” Hershel said, hovering by the door. “I’m glad to hear it.”

Silence.

“Guess I’ll be off then…?” Hershel reached for the door handle, but he held on a moment longer. He gazed at Henry. “Henry, you know if you ever… want to get out, you’re welcome to visit my house— with or without Randall.”

Hershel didn’t think he would receive a response, until Henry murmured, “Thank you, Hershel. I’ll bear that in mind.”

Hershel smiled. When the silence resumed, he felt it was a companionable kind of silence.

He hoped Henry felt the same way.

#henry ledore #Hershel Layton #Laydore #Hershel/Henry #My fics #my writing #stansbury gang #Randall ascot #angela Ledore #Sorry this has another dead mother— as if the PL universe needed any more of those #Professor Layton #Guess who Randall’s cousin is

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myonedream · 9 months ago

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Well grandpa update if anyone is interested, he is fine. My dad took him home today, he just drank way too much, took too much of his medication, didn’t eat and was dehydrated so he passed out from all of it. He’s just an alcoholic who was accidentally taking the same med x3 because he thought each bottle had something different in it when it was actually all the same who also doesn’t eat and hydrate himself enough so yeah. I’d say I’m surprised but he’s been a raging alcoholic his whole life and even though he’s been having heart issues and had to get a procedure done for it (not sure what exactly) and was told not to drink anymore of course he went out on Superbowl Sunday and drank two bloody marys and six vodka sodas. This is just who he is at this point honestly. I just feel bad for my dad who grew up basically without a dad because he was drunk all the time. And that he still doesn’t really have him in his life even though he lives 15 minutes away because he’s still drunk all the time and wants nothing to do with him. It’s not like he has his mother anymore since she passed in 2016 and even if he did, she still was an agoraphobic hoarder who held herself up in her house many states away and also wanted nothing to do with us (though she was very mentally unwell and because I have developed agoraphobia since her passing, I do understand, just wish I did then cause I think she could have used someone to be there for her and I feel bad that I grew up hating her my whole life but there’s really nothing I can do now about it) and since his parents divorced back in the 80’s, we never saw her even when he came down once in a blue moon. Luckily we had my stepgrandmother who was an absolute saint though she has passed on. She endured a lot of shit from him that she didn’t deserve, my mom even asked once why she put up with him and she responded that at that point she was too attached to my dad, mom, siblings and me. And since her kids were horrible to her, and we didn’t have our birth grandmother around, we filled the gaps in each other’s lives, which I’m forever grateful for. And I’m sorry I’m ranting, I’ll get back to writing. Just needed a second to take a break as my brain was beginning to turn to mush. Needed to resolidify my brain, put some grooves back in that smooth ol’ thang.

#L rambles #new tag if anyone doesn’t really care to hear me go on and on lol

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grievediary · 1 year ago

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6/7/23

23:19

Today has been a day of recovery still; just want to talk about some things I've been thinking about.

It's been a hard week. Some good things have happened recently though. I got a job for the summer (and hopefully a bit beyond, if I can manage my schedule well), and secured a place volunteering in a research lab, to start hopefully sometime in mid-July.

I got extremely sick on Monday, where I woke up with a super sore (started feeling it Sunday?) throat that got progressively worse through the day til I ended up with an excruciating headache, full body muscle aches, and intermittent nausea. I thought it was the flu but now perhaps just a viral bug, because the worst symptoms were that night and I've been getting better every day, though it was really, really awful. Last time I felt anything near that was two years ago where I got so sick I called 999 because I thought I was going to die.. hah. I remember phoning him and trying not to cry, because I just wanted a parents reassurance and felt so alone and like such a child. I felt it again that day.

I ended up sitting in the bathroom shaking, and I stuck three fingers down my throat to make myself throw up finally to try and get the nausea to go away. I vomited twice, the only meal I had that day and it was as disgusting and awful as every other time I've thrown up. Truly I think it's the worst physical experience. I ended up back in bed, feeling so cold but sweating and restless and I was waking near every 30 minutes in a state of near-delirium. Didn't think I'd be able to sleep more than an hour straight through but I think my body was so exhausted it just sort of gave up. Sore throat, headaches, no apetite still for days after, but I had a proper meal again on day three, so there's that. Eating more today too, though it's not enjoyable. Had to call out of work but hoping to make it into my shift tomorrow.

I also start moving out tomorrow. I want to say it's annoying, but ultimately I think it just saddens me. Moving itself isn't really a big deal, I think I just get tired of this impermanence, the repeated transitions and largely the reminder that I do it primarily alone, and I'm alone because he died and I have few friends. It's hard to think about.

I also had therapy yesterday. We went over an international trauma questionnaire, and I'm supposed to get some feedback on during the next session, but I did look it up after and read through the assessment criteria. I think it stands to reason that I may have CPTSD. I've suspected this for some time now, but thinking of it actually being concrete, my current reality, has been very jarring. Also quite upsetting.

I've been thinking a lot about loss again. Loss of family, friends, and thinking about past experiences that won't be repeated. People I most likely won't ever see again. Conversations that won't happen. Love that I can't make known. It's been really hard.

Being unwell meant I've been on bedrest and it's meant my mental health started to slide. I've been feeling distanced from friends, though one has been reaching out to me every day to ask how I am and if I need anything, and that's been really really nice. Still I wish I had more friends, more connections. Could feel like I'm cared for more often, because it feels so extremely rare. That people's care for me is made known, and I really feel it. I wish it wasn't like this. It's like at moments I reverted to being a child again, sick and wanting nothing more than to be nurtured, taken care of completely but the harsh reality and overarching background is that I won't ever experience that again, and I don't think I'll experience anything similar to it either.

I think I'd like to let myself be open to a soft and careful love. I'm deathly afraid that it's never ever going to happen.

I talked about being tired, in therapy, about feeling it both mentally and physically. I have felt psychologically tired for a very long time. Every day takes energy and effort that I think should be impossible for me to gather. This quote, by Anaïs Nin -

Life requires an effort I cannot make.

Yeah.

#entry #i think there was supposed to be some structure to this but i lost track #i think its time to go to bed

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msmarvelwrites · 4 years ago

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𝔹𝕦𝕔𝕜𝕪 𝔹𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕖𝕤

updated: May 23rd 2021

❥ = Fluff

✦ = Smut / Explicit Content

☾ = Angst / Dark

Newest - Oldest

Season Of The Witch ❥ ☾- Your witchy abilities get you in quite a bit of trouble from time to time… But this time you don’t mind so much.

The Winter Ghost ☾ ❥ ✦- A Devastating car crash causes you to lose your memory and start over. The only thing left in the wreckage was the horrific nightmares which plagued your mind. If you knew what today would entail you would have just stayed in bed. But you didn’t and because of that, everything you knew was about to change.

Pretty Boy ✦ - “you look so pretty when you cry.”

Come Over ☾ ❥ - If the world was ending you’d come over, right?

Eat It Up ☾ ✦ - Bucky imagines a family with you, whether you like it or not.

Sunday Kinda’ Love ✦ ❥ - ‘You weren’t sure when it happened, falling in love with Bucky Barnes.’

For Old Time’s Sake ☾ ✦ ❥- ‘Years you had craved to hear your name spoken from his lips. Countless nights, forcing yourself to remember how it fell from his tongue,’

Dawn ❥ ☾ - ‘so far away… So alone. This place was once somewhere you could truly feel yourself. But if you couldn’t fight, what good were you here?’

Crawl Home To You ☾ ✦ ❥ - “For as long as I live, I will be yours. You’re stuck with me, unfortunately for you. I’ll crawl home to you, always.”

More Than A Mistake ☾ ✦ ❥ - Maybe it was a mistake… Though there was something about the way he kissed you that made you believe this was the beginning of something more.

Whatever Our Souls Are Made Of ☾ ✦ ❥ - You had been an empath for as long as you could remember. But still, there were days more frequently than not that you wished you could turn it all off.

In You I Find Solace ☾ ✦ - It wasn’t his lips you were kissing, of this he was sure. But in your need, you fit. Jagged with scar, but belonging all the same.

Tease ☾ ✦ - Bucky Barnes was a menace. But he was also your superior, and in turn, completely and unchangeably off limits.

‘Tis The Damn Season ☾ ✦ ❥ - It had taken you a year to get over Bucky Barnes, and a solid hour to fall back into that trap once again.

The Bet ☾ ✦ - all bets are off, and so are your panties…

Us ❥ - Holiday vibes and the Trauma Triplets.

Unrequited ☾ - “I’m so goddamn serious if you walk out that door right now I swear to god… I will hate you… Till the day I fucking die.”

Tears Ricochet ❥ ☾ - Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you, ‘til my dying day.

River ☾ ❥ - “first day of snow is full of magic, anything can happen.”

Vienna Waits ☾ ❥ - The reader has a hard time around the holidays because it brings up a lot of unhappy memories. Bucky knows trauma all too well and he’s always there to lend some Christmas cheer.

My Girl ☾❥ - Bucky helps you work through your mental illness.

Sleeping With Ghosts ☾ ✦ ❥ - When a mysterious man appears who seemingly radiates the same murderous rage as you there’s really only one thing you can do.

Season of The Witch ☾ ❥ - Your witchy abilities get you in quite a bit of trouble from time to time… But this time you don’t mind so much. (One shot and series)

Your Mess ☾ ✦ ❥ - You have a particular disdain for a certain Bucky Barnes. But the line between hate and sleeping together is very thin.

About Last Night ☾ ✦ - Bucky and you can’t stand each other… But that’s the way it goes, isn’t it?

Unwell - ❥ You and Bucky have been dating for a couple months now, but you don’t really know a whole lot about each other.

#Bucky Barnes #Bucky Barnes Masterlist #Bucky masterlist #bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #bucky x reader

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missjanjie · 3 years ago

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Better Than Revenge | (2/?)

Title: Better Than Revenge Summary: Karma Inc.’s business structure is simple - clients hire them when they’ve been grievously wronged and they send one of their revenge mercenaries to right them. As painstaking as their efforts to remain ethical may be, that may be tested when former detective, Rosé, enlists the squad to pick up where she couldn’t on a much higher scale, with potentially greater consequences. Word Count: ~2.6k (this chapter) | ~5.3k (total) Relationship(s): Rosnali (Rosé/Denali Foxx), Jankie (Jackie Cox/Jan Sport), Halldoll (Nicky Doll/Jaida Essence Hall), Gimone (Gigi Goode/Symone), Gottlux (Gottmik/Olivia Lux) Rating: T

TW for this chapter: implied domestic abuse, attempted sexual coercion of a minor, deadnaming/transphobia

Read on AO3 | Ko-Fi

Chapter Summary: Rosé learns Nicky, Jan, and Mik's revenge origin stories

Milwaukee, WI - 2007

“I think my parents are starting to get suspicious,” Jaida quietly confessed, her gaze downcast to the floor while Nicky sat behind her, braiding her hair.

Nicky frowned, her brows furrowed as she tied off the braid she’d put Jaida’s hair in with a hair elastic. “What is making you say that?” she asked, moving so she was facing the other girl and taking her hands into her own.

She shrugged, fumbling with the hem of her shirt until Nicky’s grasp stilled them. “Just feels like they’re snooping around more, suddenly real interested in my life. And you know they’re always acting weird whenever we’re at my house together. Last time they made us keep the door open, remember?”

“I had assumed that was an American thing,” she confessed. She had only moved to the states a couple of months ago, at the start of her and Jaida’s junior year of high school, and she was still learning how to differentiate cultural differences from people behaving unusually to her specifically.

“You think everything you don’t understand is an American thing,” Jaida rolled her eyes with a fond smile, “though I guess you’re right most of the time,” she conceded.

Nicky shrugged it off, redirecting back to the topic at hand. “But you’re worried they’re going to find out about us and poop will hit the ceiling.”

“Shit will hit the fan,” she corrected, then sighed. “I mean, think about it — my mom’s a Sunday school teacher and my dad’s the son of a preacher, they take ‘traditional family values’ very seriously. And I don’t know how things are in France but there’s nothing traditional about this,” she explained, gesturing between the two of them.

She frowned, her brows knitting together. “But we are happy together, surely once we graduate, we can—”

“It’s not that simple, Nicky!” Jaida tossed her head back and groaned. “I love you, but in a place like this, sometimes love just ain’t enough.”

And maybe it was denial, or maybe it was blind optimism, but Nicky had refused to take that answer lying down. She fought for Jaida and fought even harder to keep the relationship away from her disapproving parents. For a while, it seemed to be working, they had their beautiful, fleeting moments that let them believe that everything would be okay.

It was the first day back after spring break and Nicky immediately noticed a change in her girlfriend. It was like the life and light had been drained from her like she was only present physically. And despite the warm weather, she was dressed for late fall. She rushed towards her, taking her hand. “Ma chérie, what’s wrong? You look so unwell.”

Jaida hesitated before pulling her hand away. “I can’t hang around you anymore,” she replied. “Though I’m not gonna see anyone around here for a while starting real soon,” she mumbled.

“What do you mean?”

“My parents found out, Nicky,” she choked out, forcing back a sob, “and they were mad, I ain’t never seen them so mad. They’re sending me to military school… well, they gave me a choice between that and conversion therapy… seemed like the better option.”

Nicky bit down on her quivering lip. “But you can find me when you are done, right?” She reached out to her again, but Jaida backed away to step out of her grasp.

“I can’t. Besides, you won’t want me anyway, I won’t be the same person.”

She tried to grab for her once more, desperate to keep her, looking at her with watery, pleading eyes. “Jaida, I can’t—”

“Please,” she sniffled, “don’t make this harder than it’s already gonna be.”

And perhaps Nicky should have let it go, accepted losing her first love, and moving on with her life. Sure, she would eventually. She would move around for school, for work, meeting many beautiful women along the way, but none of that happened until she made sure Jaida’s parents experienced at least a fraction of the hurt they had caused the both of them.

Her plan had been elaborate and convoluted and would require a heavy amount of stealth work and computer literacy to pull off. But as it turned out, her plan of convincing the two parents that the other was cheating on them was quite easy when her snooping unearthed the fact that both of them already were. All she needed to do was bring it to light.

Present Day

“When you think about it,” Nicky mused, “I did them a favor. There are worse ways they could’ve found out than having an envelope full of proof dropped off at your workplace. At least no one made a scene… as far as I know, at least.”

“Does Jaida know?” Rosé asked. “Now that you guys have reconnected, have you caught her up to speed? Because it seems like something you should tell her.”

Nicky winced and looked away. “It… has not come up yet,” she murmured. “There is no easy way to inform someone that you were the catalyst in their parent’s divorce. Unless you have a way, in which case, feel free to share with the class.”

She shrugged, putting her hands up in surrender. “I got nothing, but my point remains. It’s gonna bite you in the ass badly if you wait too long to say anything.” When Nicky shrugged it off, she decided to move on. “What about you, Bubbles?” she asked, looking towards Jan, “what sort of scathing revenge does someone as bouncy as you come up with?”

Jan pressed her lips into a fine line, holding back what was either a smile or a grimace. “Well, this also happened in high school, an all-girl Catholic school, of course…”

Old Bridge, NJ - 2009

Jan was nothing if not brave. Coming out in tenth grade, especially considering the environment she was in, was a choice that couldn’t be taken lightly. While she had the support of her family and closest friends, the school environment had been a different story.

“Janice, could you stay back for a moment?” her math teacher, a conventionally attractive man in his early thirties, prompted as the final bell rang.

With math being her weakest subject, Jan was instantly concerned and nodded. “Of course, sir. Is something wrong?” she asked as she walked over to his desk.

“I think something is very wrong,” he replied as he got up. “Janice, I am highly concerned with your mental wellbeing.” He stopped in front of her, cupping her face with both hands. “You’re such a bright, beautiful girl. It would be such a shame for you to throw that away because you’ve chosen to shun God and live in sin.”

Jan felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach and her throat tighten. This was inevitable, but that didn’t make it any easier to bear. She started shaking her head. “N-No, I’m… I’m not, I—”

“Shh…” he pressed his thumb to her lips to quiet her, then swiped it across her bottom lip. “Part of being a good Christian is overcoming temptation. And that’s what you want, isn’t it? Isn’t it what your parents want for you?” His hands move to her shoulders, squeezing them gently. “God gave you this body to lay with a man, you just need to be put in the right direction before it’s too late. I could help you, I could save you.”

Jan felt sick to her stomach. She hated every moment of the interaction; she hated the feeling of his hands on her, the way he was leering at her body, undressing her with his eyes. But at the same time, it was hard to lean into that hate, because he did pick on every insecurity she had in regards to her faith. But her sense of self won out and she was able to free herself of his grasp and run out of the room as fast as her legs would take her.

Any shame or guilt she might have felt was quickly replaced by anger and a desire to stop the man that tried to rob her of her innocence from harming anyone else. But she was still cautious, she knew there was a risk of retaliation if she spoke out alone, that was when her plan formed.

She created a fake Facebook account of a fifteen-year-old girl who was ‘planning on transferring to her school’. That was why she messaged the teacher, and after a few days of exchanging messages, ‘Samantha’ had agreed to meet up with him, the conversation in no uncertain terms making his intent clear.

Now, the obvious path from there would have been to go to the police, but that wasn’t good enough for Jan. Instead, she went to her godfather, who had promised he’d always help her ‘by any means necessary’. So, it was neither the police nor ‘Samantha’ that met the teacher at the park. Instead, it was two burly men who drove home a rough lesson that he was to turn himself in the next day, lest he face even worse consequences. He’d been given a flash drive with a copy of the whole exchange and was told he had exactly twenty-four hours and that the police would be expecting him.

Of course, those details weren’t in the subsequent news story of the teacher’s arrest. The conviction, however, was disappointing to Jan, as it was only two years and a thousand dollar fine, as well as losing his teaching license and having to register as an offender.

Present Day

“But rest assured, people are keeping an eye on him these days. You know, should he ever try and act up,” Jan explained with a shrug.

Rosé’s mouth was hanging open by the time Jan had finished her story. “So, you put a hit out on a pedo. I mean, shit, color me impressed,” she chuckled softly, then quickly followed up with, “I’m so sorry any of that happened to you, though. I’ve had people in my life try to weaponize religion against me after I came out. It’s never an easy pill to swallow.” She then looked at the group curiously. “Are you all…”

“Mik’s pan but yeah, the rest of us are gay,” Gigi confirmed with a nod. “At first, I thought that’d be the only thing we all have in common, but here we are now.”

“Chosen family is super important,” Mik agreed, “you never know who you can’t trust in your bloodline.”

Rosé quirked her brow. “That what happened to you?”

Scottsdale, AZ - 2015

Mik had been sitting across from his parents in dead silence for the past five minutes. There was no easy way to break it, let alone a correct one. On the coffee table in front of them were printed pictures of screenshots from his private Twitter account, where he presented himself as his true identity, but the precautions he took weren’t enough.

“Kady, sweetheart, I’m sure Uncle Joe brought this to our attention with your best interest at heart,” his mother said in as sweet of a voice as she could muster, which only served to sound fake to her son.

He rolled his eyes. “Oh please, don’t give me that. If it was ‘concern’ he would’ve told you privately. He sent it to the family group chat then told you that, and I quote, ‘your daughter thinks she’s a tranny’,” he struggled to keep his tone even, but he knew he needed to coddle his parents’ feelings if he wanted a chance of being taken seriously.

“I’m sure it just caught him by surprise,” his father offered.

Mik groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Even if he did, he wasn’t treating it like a fun piece of gossip, he hunted down my private account and outed me to humiliate me, and it would mean a lot if you guys had my back on this.”

This brought another wave of silence upon his parents. He couldn’t get a clear read on them, but they seemed stressed, confused, and most painfully, they seemed sad. His mother slowly picked her head back up. “Kady, I—”

“My name is Mik.”

“Listen, honey, you’re going to have to give us some time to adjust,” his dad tried to ease the tension, “you’re still our child, but this isn’t an easy thing to process, your mother especially is mourning the loss of her daughter.”

Mik felt his chest tighten in anger and hurt. “But I’m not—” he got up, shaking his head. “Right, fine,” he mumbled and escaped to the sanctuary of his bedroom. Left alone with his thoughts, the anger he had towards his parents dissipated and the rage shifted solely onto his uncle. After all, this was his fault. He was the one that robbed him of the opportunity to come out on his terms, and with the active intent to cause harm.

The anger didn’t go away over the following weeks. Instead, it built up, it festered inside of him as the summer after high school began. He had downloaded Grindr out of casual curiosity, and it was only a matter of minutes before a profile caught his eye. “No fucking way,” he grinned.

Of course, it was Joe, Mik realized how much of a cliche it was, but that didn’t change the fact that his bigoted uncle that tried to ruin his familial relationships was soliciting male escorts on a gay dating app. The opportunity for revenge essentially fell into his lap. He made a fake account and exchanged messages with him, just enough to get the evidence he needed.

The last step was simple, he dropped the screenshots into the same group text without any comment and removed himself from the group chat right after. He didn’t need to see the chaos unfold, Uncle Joe’s absence from the next family gathering was all he needed.

Present Day

“Just to be clear,” Mik added as he finished the story, “I’m against outing people, for the most part, obviously it should be something done on your terms. But shit, sometimes it’s gotta be an eye for an eye, you know?”

“Wait, I have a question,” Jan chimed in, “is he out now? Do y’all even talk to him anymore?”

He shook his head. “He moved to Alabama, I guess he wanted to go somewhere to double-down on the bigotry. No idea what happened after that. But, you know, good fucking riddance.”

“Amen to that,” Rosé agreed. “I don’t know how you guys have figured out that line of deciding what’s morally sound and what’s ethical enough. It seems to work, but it seems hard.”

“Jackie helped a lot with that,” Jan told her, her face lighting up and her smile broadening as she continued, “she has this pragmatic take on these things while still understanding that there’s so much ambiguity and morally gray areas. She’s honestly the smartest person I’ve ever met.”

Rosé nodded as she listened. “I’m glad you guys have someone like that on your team. How long have you two been dating?”

Jan turned bright red, worsened by the way the rest of the group laughed. “Oh, um, we’re not dating. She and I are… very close friends,” she explained.

“Ah,” the corners of her lips tugged into a smirk, “you’re just fucking, got it,” she observed, causing another eruption of laughter from the others, much to Jan’s chagrin. Once it died down, she redirected her attention to the half of the group that had yet to recall their stories. “Alright, who’s next?”

#halldoll #jankie #rpdr rpf

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michaelgambons · 4 years ago

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Baseline Romantic

Chapter 7

Warnings: poor mental health, hospitals, cuteness overloads

Y/N woke up late on the Sunday morning, and spent a couple of minutes scrolling through twitter before groaning slightly and getting up.

Voices were coming from the kitchen, she could recognise Ben’s, but the other voice was unfamiliar.

Y/N detoured away from the kitchen to the bathroom to look at herself in the mirror. She didn’t know who was in the kitchen, but she sure as hell didn’t want to meet them looking quite as messy as she did right now.

Entering the kitchen a few minutes later, face washed and hair tied back, Y/N saw Ben with his back to her, busy with the toaster, in his joggers. At the table was a young, tall, blonde haired girl, who was wearing one of Ben’s sweaters.

‘Hi!’ Y/N said brightly as she came in.

Ben swung round, and smiled at her brightly, looking almost relieved to see her.

‘Hey, Y/N. This is Bella’ he said, gesturing at the blonde girl sat at the table.

‘Nice to meet you Bella! Is there any chance of some toast Ben? I won’t intrude for too long, I’m meeting Charlie at 2’

As Ben turned round to the toaster, you sat down at the table.

‘I’m sure I recognise you from somewhere’ Bella said. Thinking she was referring to Ben, you didn’t glance up from your phone.

‘Y/N, isn’t it? Yeah I’m sure I recognise you from somewhere’

‘Me? Sorry, I’m so used to people asking Ben that. Um, maybe, I’m on the news quite a bit - I’m a political commentator’

‘That’s it! We always have News24 on in the background at work- I must have spotted you then!’

You smile vaguely at her, with limited desire to prolong the discussion. ‘Where do you work Bella?’

‘I do PR. That’s actually how we met last night’ she giggled slightly and turned to Ben, who smiles vaguely at her, before quickly turning away. ‘I did the PR for the event we were both at’

‘Oh nice’ Y/N said vaguely.

‘I’m just going to hop into the shower, will you be ok Bella? Help yourself to any food while I’m gone’ Ben said, already out the door.

Bella smiled at him as he leaves, resembling a hungry chiwawa.

‘So, I can imagine Ben brings loads of girls back here’ Bella said turning back to Y/N. Feeling slightly annoyed to be being talked to again (did this girl not understand mornings?) Y/N said ‘only about as many as I bring back myself’. She winked at Bella, who looked taken aback.

You mock checking the time. ‘Oh shit, I need to dash. Really lovely to meet you Bella’

‘Yeah, you too! Hopefully I’ll see you again’ Bella called after you.

You smiled to yourself as you went back to your bedroom. You knew the likelihood of that was next to nothing.

—————-

After making sure that Bella had left, you drifted into the living room and sunk into a sofa. Ben sulked in after you, towel slung around his waist and droplets of water falling down his chest.

After lockdown had ended, it had been agreed that Ben would move in permanently with you and Catherine. You were more than happy with that. You loved having Ben around, loved the domestic fluffiness of it all. Only, with Ben moving in had also come the trickle of women who fell out of his bedroom.

‘A blonde named Bella who works in PR. Really Ben? You’re becoming some sort of seedy playboy- are you sure you’re not batman by night?’

Ben laughed, but looked slightly embarrassed.

‘I hope we didn’t keep you awake last night. Bella was really loud’ he says.

You snort. ‘No don’t worry, I was out like a light; fucking shattered. My new pills are knocking me out like clockwork. Anyway, just loud makes a welcome change to that squeaky one a few weeks back’

Ben laughs. ‘Christ, what was her name?’

You shrug at him. ‘If you can’t remember I’m certainly not going to. She could definitely remember yours though’. She imitated Ben’s squeaky one night stand ‘ooooh Ben, yeah just there- eeeek!’

Ben chucked a cushion at her. ‘Shut up, you’re triggering too many memories’ he laughs.

‘All I’m saying is I think you need a better vetting process’ Y/N said as she left the room, pausing to ruffle Ben’s hair as she left.

Y/N sat back on her bed. Absentmindedly her hand crept towards her panties, and slid beneath her waistband. It wasn’t a coincidence that the first thing that came to mind was Ben’s glistening post shower abs. She imagined that instead of going back to her room, she had instead gone over to him, and stared him straight in the eye as she pulled his towel away from him. Sinking down on her knees she had engulfed his dick with her mouth, and looking up, had seen him staring down at her, eyelids fluttering. She was still picturing his face as she came, quickly, brutally, writhing in her bed, his name on her lips.

This wasn’t the first time she’d got off to Ben whilst they’d lived together. In many ways it was quite useful having such a cache of material wondering around the house she could select from. She’d got quite good at telling herself she was just physically attracted to Ben. She loved Ben as a friend and a small part of her wanted to spend the night with him again. That wasn’t so unusual. Friends slept together all the time. Maybe if she could sleep with him again she could stop thinking about him. You laughed at yourself the first time it occurred to you. It was ridiculous and stupid and so unlikely to help. And it wasn’t as if she would ever act on it. He clearly wasn’t interested.

—————

That evening, it was just you and Ben in the house, Catherine was away staying at a yoga retreat in the Peak District. You’d been feeling increasingly unwell as the night progressed, and at 9:30 had muttered your excuses and headed to bed. As you were stood brushing your teeth, you suddenly felt incredibly light headed and before you had had the chance to sit down or steady yourself, you had fallen to the floor.

You came to a minute or so later, Ben peering over you looking concerned. As you opened your eyes his face flooded with relief. As you raised your head off the ground you realised he had placed you in the recovery position.

‘What happened?’ You asked, groggily, putting your face in your hands.

‘I’m not too sure. I just heard this crash from the bathroom, and shouted to see if you were ok. When you didn’t reply I came to check on you, and found you on the floor. You can’t have been out for very long- have you hurt yourself at all?’ He asked.

‘I don’t think so. I feel awful though, like I’m going to faint again’

‘Ok, I’m going to help you get into the living room,’ Ben said.

He gently lifted you to your feet, and as you steadied yourself, wiped a strand of hair out of your eyes. He cupped your face with his hands and your eyes met, yours glassy from your faint and his wide, full of concern.

Established on the sofa, you felt much better. Ben insisted however, on calling 101, much to your derision.

‘I’m calling them whether you like it or not, Y/N. Whether you speak to them or not is your choice, but I want to make sure you’re ok’

————

‘This is all such an overreaction’ you complained as Ben bundled you in his sweatshirt and helped you on with your jacket. ‘I fainted! It happens to people all the time. I don’t need to go to the hospital’

‘You heard what the woman said. She was worried it was a reaction to your medication. Come on, our Uber is here’ Ben said, offering you his hand to lead you out the door.

You held onto his hand the entire short journey to the hospital. You couldn’t quite place why, but it was comforting, warm, and he didn’t seem to resist. Once inside, checked in and sat on cold, hard backed plastic chairs, Ben had made sure you were settled before heading off to find a vending machine. He returned a few minutes later with a Diet Coke for himself and a bottle of water for you.

‘I thought caffeine was probably a bad idea until you’ve seen the doctor’ he said, registering your displeasure as you looked at the water bottle he had handed you.

You rested your head on his shoulder, and must have dozed off because the next thing you knew he was nudging you awake.

‘Come on, Y/N, they’ve just called us’ he whispered gently, helping you to your feet.

In the consultants office, you both sat down, and you handed your coat to Ben.

‘Y/N Y/L/N, right? And this must be your partner-‘

‘Flatmate’ both you and Ben said in unison

‘Sorry, flatmate. What’s been the matter today Y/N?’

You briefly explained the evenings events, looking to Ben occasionally for him to fill in any blanks you couldn’t remember.

‘The 101 lady thought it might be a reaction to some of the medication I’m on. I’ve just upped my dose of Zoloft, and she wondered if that could be it’

‘Do you mind me asking what you’re on that for?’ The doctor asked.

‘You name it, I’ve got it!’ You said brightly. ‘I’m on the Zoloft for my PTSD and depression, and until recently I was on beta blockers for my anxiety, but they were interacting with my asthma medication too much so my doctor took me off them and upped my Zoloft dose’

‘So you’re now on 150 a day?’ The doctor said, flicking through his notes.

You nodded.

‘I reckon that’s what it is, if I’m honest’ he said, turning to you. ‘That’s a big dose, and while it’s clearly what you need, it’s likely to have a few side effects with it. Fainting, or feeling light headed is quite common. If it doesn’t subside in a couple of days, I’d go back to your doctor, but for the meantime I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

You and Ben were silent in the Uber home. You were exhausted from the nights events, and still not feeling very well. Ben was staring out of the window, seemingly lost in thought.

‘Are you ok?’ You finally asked, as you took your coat off, glad to be home at last. ‘You’ve been quiet for the past 5 minutes which is completely out of character’.

‘Yeah I’m fine. Just glad you’re ok, it was quite a shock coming in and finding you like that... I didn’t realise just how bad your mental health was either. I know we’ve talked about it in the past, but you’ve always been quite blasé about it’

‘Yeah. I guess I don’t feel like there’s much to talk about. I just try and get on with it. No point burdening your friends with it unless you need to’ you said.

‘It wouldn’t be a burden though, not at all. I don’t want you to feel you can’t talk to me about things. I mean, I tell you all sorts of random shit, it’s definitely my turn to listen to you’

You yawn widely.

‘You must be fucking knackered’ Ben said. ‘Get into bed and I’ll bring you some tea’.

As you headed to bed he shouted after you ‘Do you want a hot water bottle too? It’s really cold tonight!’

You smiled slightly to yourself at his fussiness before you responded.

#ben hardy #ben hardy imagines #ben hardy x reader

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notseriousseriously · 4 years ago

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The Magic Gang’s “Death of the Party” Breathes Life Into A Not So Fun Time

“Death of the Party” is just what the doctor ordered for a year that has made it hard to keep a positive attitude.

Photo via DIY Magazine

by Tania Pérez

“Death of the Party” is The Magic Gang’s second album and sees a more mature band talk about realistic situations while maintaining their positive outlook. The album, released in August of this year, was meant to come out in May, but the group decided to push it back because it “felt too raw” to release it during the pandemic’s peak. The album’s signature indie sound is characterised by the inclusion of various instruments, layered harmonies, smooth vocals and an overall laid back vibe. In “Death of the Party” the U.K. band shows how it has grown and matured since the release of their self-titled debut album in 2018.

The Magic Gang’s sophomore album was recorded over the course of four weeks in Atlanta last summer with the help of Grammy-winning producer Ben H. Allen. The band described the experience as a “mental heatwave”. In an interview with DIY Magazine the band’s members, guitarists Jack Kaye and Kris Smith, bassist Gus Taylor and drummer Paeris Giles, shared that they spent Atlanta’s summer evenings absorbing “the sounds of Atlanta’s musical natives, catching sweaty hometown gigs”. However, the most important experience was attending a Sunday service at Martin Luther King’s church. “It was one of the most moving experiences of my life”, said Giles.

As opposed to their debut album where the band wrote idealistic love songs that sounded roughly the same, “Death of the Party” sees a more experimental band play with different tempos. Kaye told NME that in the first album they wanted to recreate the live experience, but for the second album the goal was to deconstruct every song and “think more specifically about each tune”.

Photo via DIY Magazine

“Death of the Party” lends itself to all kinds of listening– you can listen to it while laying in bed or having a small socially distanced get together. In short, the album is equal parts dance party and pity party.

The upbeat “Think”, “Just a Minute”, “Take Back The Track” and “Make Time For Change” are the perfect antidote for a year that has forced us to find joy in little things. The brassy “Think” tells us to hold on a moment, contemplate, and remember love. The Motown horns continue in “Make Time For Change” where the band tells us that it is never too late to better ourselves.

The woozy “Make A Sound” features an electric piano that is the perfect complement to the group’s polished harmonies. It is the most indie-sounding track on the record. Smith admits he’s “somewhat unwell” in the grungy “Gonna Bounce Back”, but amidst the song’s “power chords and soul” he resolves to bounce back. Kaye begs his partner to hold him close and never let him go in the teen rom-comesque “Just A Minute”, a sentiment that hits close to home for quarantine lovers.

The Beatles and The Beach Boys’ influence on the band shows in “(The World) Outside My Door”, which was written during the Extinction Rebellion protests. The harmonies call back to The Beach Boys while the song’s psychedelic vibe reminds one of The Beatles’ “Tomorrow Never Knows”.

The standout song on the album is the disco-inspired “Take Back The Track” with its funky bass and drums and a guitar layer that reminds DIY Magazine’s James Balmont of Nile Rodgers. The “aah” heard in the chorus was lifted from New Orleans’s The Meters’ classic “Cissy Strut”. The song was inspired by Sister Sledge’s “Pretty Baby” which the band heard on a night out at a legendary bar in North London. The song even includes the lyrics “In the light of dawn I found it” as an homage to “Pretty Baby”’s lyrics “In the light of he dawn/ A pretty babe was born”. “Take Back the Track” even appeared on the BBC Radio 1 playlist among songs from artists like The 1975.

The album also includes “a very weird accidental crossover” between “Make A Sound” and the title track. Kaye and Smith told NME that they went to the same party and both members accidentally wrote a song about it. Kaye’s lyrics “Sounds like it could be two people arguing/ And I hope it’s not my friend/ Cause that can f*** up a good night and I don’t want that for them” in “Make A Sound” references Smith’s “Death of the Party” where he sings “Everyone around me wants to see us fight/ And if you keep on pushing then you know that I might”.

The Magic Gang has had time to think about the album in the year between its production and release. Smith told DIY Magazine “The songs have the same lyrics, but I reflect differently now because of all this very abstract dread going on in the world”, stating that the problems he was “moaning” about are minuscule compared to the world’s current state. Regardless of the levity of their problems, the band’s message to stay positive is even more relevant now.

In 2018 Vice called The Magic Gang a “vital part of their city’s fledgling reputation for bright, purposeful new bands”, and they have lived up to that reputation. “Death of the Party” proved The Magic Gang to be a versatile band able to explore new sounds while staying true to their own. With their optimistic outlook and harmony magic, The Magic Gang brought life to a party all of their own.

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jazy3 · 5 years ago

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Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 16X04

Sorry for the lateness everyone! My friend and I always watch Grey’s on Friday together, but she was away so we watched it on Sunday instead. Okay, now that that’s out of the way onto the recap and review! I liked this episode overall! There were definitely some things that pissed me off about it, but on the whole I liked it.

The beginning of the episode bugged me. Remind me again why I’m supposed to like DeLuca? He’s always trying to get Meredith to play hooky. I hope Bailey does fire him. He deserves it. We then find out via Amelia and Maggie that the website Mer wrote to took her ideas, created a story around it, and attributed it to her! Yikes!

We then cut to an adorable Jolex scene of the two of them laughing in bed as the read Mer’s article. I love them! A trauma comes into Grey Sloan, but the patient refuses treatment because he’s seen the article the website published. Owen has the ambulance take him to Pac North. There’s a continuity error here. Owen says that Pac North is closest. Previously it’s always been stated that Seattle Pres and (pre-merger) Mercy West were the closest hospitals to Grey Sloan. How did Pac North suddenly become closer to Grey Sloan than Seattle Pres?

We find out that from the other residents that after being fired Qadri moved to Michigan to work in a hospital there. Good for her! I’m happy for both her character and the actress, but I will miss her. When Webber shows Alex the article Alex sticks up for Mer and takes her side. Alex is always on Mer’s side not matter what. I love that about him. That’s real friendship right there. The trauma cases in this episode are both horrifying and hilarious at the same time in true Grey’s fashion. The case where a man fell out of a plan onto a random university student and dowsed her boyfriend in blood in particular was really really bizarre! Her poor boyfriend! He is going to need so much therapy after this!

Somehow Bailey names DeLuca Chief Resident after the previous one quits after the article comes out. How is DeLuca Chief Resident? He can barely do his job! Plus, Bailey won’t even listen to him as he tries to tell her the real story! Shaking my head. Bailey was a annoying this season and is being a real jerk this season. She’s getting really hard to like. Also DeLuca’s character continues to be extremely inconsistent. It seems like they just write whatever they want to fit the moment regardless of whether that makes sense or not.

Tom is a complete ass this episode and he went way way too far! I loved his character last season and was super excited when he was made a regular. Now I don’t like him at all. He’s a jerk with no depth. Having his heartbroken has really done a number on this guy! Not that his behaviour is Teddy’s fault mind you he’s choosing to be a jerk. This storyline also seems odd considering Tom is a father, lost his child, and was excited to be Allison’s step dad. Why is he okay torturing this kid and her family for publicity?

I loved that they included Cristina in this episode and showed her and Mer texting! ‘Move to Switzerland before Bailey kills you in your sleep!’ Haha too funny! And she’s right too! It’s nice to see Amelia happy and healthy and to see her, Maggie, and Mer getting along and supporting each other even when they don’t agree. I missed that last season. It’s also nice to see Maggie and Teddy getting along.

And DeLuca’s back to being an ass! He yells at Schmitt for taking a phone call while meanwhile he himself has done tons of illegal and immoral things that were so much worse and completely unjustified. On top of that, Schmitt isn’t doing anything wrong. He’s convincing a patient whose a family member of his to not cancel their surgery. That’s a good thing and good for the hospital. What is DeLuca worried about her exactly? It’s not as if there are reports or people taking pictures of their actions.

The scene with Ben and Bailey made me laugh. Poor Ben! He didn’t know what to do! What he prepped for was not what he got! Also of note, Helm is still infatuated with Meredith. She really needs to let that go! I loved Jackson’s line, “Added bonus!” He really got the best lines in this episode. I also loved his line, “I am the Foundation.” Tell him Jackson!

I was really sad when they lost the freak accident patient. She didn’t deserve that. No one does. Her poor boyfriend. The book the boyfriend talks about at the end appears to be a reference to the best selling novel The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. It’s an excellent book and I highly recommend it.

I loved all of the Link and Amelia scenes! They are hands down my favourite new couple. As Maggie and Amelia comment they are really well matched. Amelia is very high strung and anxious and Link is very calm and sturdy and thus he can calm her down and she can help him see the serious side of things without being such a complete downer. Amelia’s relationship with Owen was always rocky in part because they are both very high strung, damaged, and mentally unwell people.

Link is mentally stable and very relaxed. He’s perfect for Amelia in so many ways. And now that Amelia is finally on the path to wellness and can acknowledge what has happened to her they work! I loved their whole gravity blanket scene. It was so cute! I loved Link’s confession that he loves her and that he wants to tell her and name the feeling because people can fall out of the sky (literally) and accidentally hurt other people so there’s no point trying to avoid pain. Be still my heart!

Towards the end of the episode Alex recruits Owen and thus begins the great Pac North migration! The song cover they use in Jackson’s surgery is really interesting! I’m glad Mer apologized to Bailey, but the question is will it be enough? I’m glad she tried. I liked Owen’s line, “Your high horse has no legs to stand on!” LOL! We find out at the end of the episode the most shocking piece of news yet. That Bailey is both menopausal and pregnant. WTF?!?! What the hell? What is with the pregnancies this season!?!?! I really don’t know what to make of this storyline.

So let’s talk about my favourite part of the episode! It came right at the end when Meredith ran into DeLuca as she was leaving the hospital. She explained what was going on and DeLuca was a completely unsupportive dick head to her and she finally realized that not only does she not need anymore enemies right now SHE DOES NOT NEED THIS CRAP!!! And I was like FUCK YES!!!!!! You’re damn right she doesn’t! Meredith does not need this crap! From anyone! One of my biggest complaints about Derek was how unsupportive and melodramatic he was. And here we have DeLuca doing the exact same thing!

She also realized (finally) that DeLuca doesn’t really know her or get her which has been an issue from the beginning. He likes the idea of Meredith not the reality. The reality is messy and complicated and comes with a lot of baggage which includes kids, a dead husband, nosy sisters, a best friend that hates him, and a big family of people who are largely indifferent to his existence. For the love of God, let this be the breakup!!!! Let this be the end! Please!

Onto next week! It looks like Bailey tries to break the news to Ben, but he’s out cold! And Meredith FINALLY verbalizes what we’ve all been saying about DeLuca!!! Thank goodness! Amelia realizes she’s needs to get to know Link and his family better and Richard and Gemma have breakfast and things get intimate! Oh boy!

Until next time!

#grey's anatomy #Meredith Grey #16X04 #16X4 #its raining men #season 16 #recap #review #critique #thoughts #merluca #amelink #cristina yang

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prorevenge · 6 years ago

Text

Kicked out of the family

So this is something I've witnessed and heard about. My family were the ones that got revenge.

So for some backstory, the people include my Nonna (grandmother in Italian), and her three kids. The kids are my Mum, my Zia (Aunty in Italian), and my Uncle. My Uncle has a girlfriend, which we'll call S. And my Zia is married and has 2 kids, my Uncle has 3 kids, and my Mum is married and has me and my sister. S has 3 kids of her own. The story also kind of involves my Nonno (Grandfather in Italian), but he passes away at a particular point of the story. In real time, he passed roughly two weeks ago now, so this is recent.

So, it is 2 years ago in 2017, and it's my cousin's Confirmation (Catholic tradition of confirming their faith in Christ). This cousin is my Zia's oldest child. We're all sitting in the mass, and I'm sitting away from my parents at the time. S is talking to my Mum, and mentions how she doesn't like one of my Uncle's children (the oldest), we'll name him J. My Mum is shocked, but doesn't tell anyone about it, as at the after party of the Confirmation, she goes into the car with a migraine, to keep away from the noise. S then talks to my Dad, and says how she doesn't like this particular cousin, which is J. My Dad is surprised, and leaves it.

After the Communion, when my Mum is feeling better, she talks to Dad and explains how unbelievable it is that S said that. My Dad replies and says that he thought he was the only one she told. This is when my parents decided they didn't like S very much. They decide to call up my Uncle and let her know what she said. He said he'd ask S about it.

He texts back a response, calling my parents liars, and saying "how dare you say that about my girlfriend" and "you are disgusting for making up lies". This got my paren†s furious, and they tried to explain that it is true and so on. S also text my parents, calling them liars and a bunch of insults.

This was the beginning of the family breaking apart.

My Mum is very close with my Zia, and they talked about it. My Zia didn't want to choose sides, but she didn't really like S either.

My Uncle decided he wanted a "round table" with my parents, himself, and S to discuss the trouble. My Dad was all like "Stuff that! He'll just yell at us some more!", so they said no. They also discovered S was manipulating my Uncle to do everything she says. When my Dad once asked for a normal catchup, my Uncle responded with "I'll have to check with S first." and he revolved everything around her. He even skipped my youngest cousin's birthday to go to S's great Uncle's or someone's birthday he's never met. He didn't even schedule another time to see her, or didn't even get her a present, or with her a happy birthday. She turned 9 at the time.

A year passes, it's 2018, and I hadn't seen S, my Uncle, or their kids since. I missed seeing my cousins (my Uncle's kids. I'd never consider S's kids to be my cousins. They're not very nice either), and I wanted to see them again. It's now my other cousin's Communion (Communion is receiving bread and wine in the Catholic Church for the first time. This is my Zia's other kid, and she's the youngest), and my younger sister has decided she's had enough of their arguing and never seeing part of her family. She organises Mum and my Uncle to meet outside and talk, at the after party. They talk, and my Uncle still doesn't believe her. My Mum is crying and trying to say "Why don't you believe me? Why would you choose your girlfriend over your family that has been there for you for years?" and my Uncle still wanted none of it. Unfortunately, from the crying, my Mum got another bad migraine, so she went in the car. After an hour rest, she felt better, and got out to socialise again. My mum told my Zia what happened, and the hatred for S increased. So on the way home, my Dad and my Mum were yelling about how S is the worst person ever, and how they wanted to boot her out of the family.

My family still cut off seeing My Uncle and S. My Zia and her family couldn't see them as often either. My Nonno was in the nursing home, and unwell. My Uncle never bothered showing up, except for maybe a couple of times that year. My Nonna was very angry at my Uncle, as he never made an effort to see the family.

This is where her actions turn disgusting.

Another year passes, it's now 2019, and my Uncle and S got engaged 2 weeks before my Nonno passed away. We were all invited to their engagement party, but they both live about 2 or so hours away from my home. My family didn't want to go, cause we didn't want S to be apart of the family. My Zia, and her 2 kids went, out of feeling bad. My Nonna didn't want to go, as she didn't want to see S, as she didn't like her. My Nonno was still in the nursing home, and just got transferred to the hospital that day, so my Nonna couldn't even go to the engagement party anyway, as she was helping take care of Nonno. My Nonno also got diagnosed with pneumonia and had cancer in his bones, so he was reeeeaaaally unwell.

2 weeks ago from now, my Nonno passes away. Everyone is devastated, as he passed in the most painful and awful way possible. He passed on a Sunday night, at about 6pm, and he passed half an hour after my sister, Mum and I left the hospital. While at the hospital when he was still alive that day, when my Mum, sister, Zia and I go the nursing home to pack up Nonno's things, and then pickup lunch, S organised something stupid. She asked a nurse to shave his face, to make him feel "more comfortable". At this point, he couldn't move, and had 0 strength. He couldn't even keep his eyes open, and his mouth was open wide, as he couldn't breathe. He had unnecessary cuts on his face and he was curled into what seemed like a ball, as he was already in so much pain. My Mum only glared at her, and that's it.

When my Nonno passed, my Nonna was really upset, as was all of us. She got super depressed and wasn't physically or mentally able to prepare the funeral. We planned it 4 days after the passing, meaning we needed to hurry, as that was the only closest time we could do. I took a week off from school, to help prepare. I was also at my Nonna's house, helping too. My Mum, my Zia and my Uncle wrote the eulogy in 12 hours, with input from myself, my sister and my youngest cousin who was there at the time. 12 hours was a long time to write a eulogy, and everyone was exhausted, as we left at 10:30pm from my Nonna's house. While the adults wrote the eulogy, I took my Nonna aside to find photos she'd like in the funeral, as I could put them in the funeral to make a powerpoint. I took heaps of photos, retouched and cropped each one. There were 67 photos. I also wrote prayers, downloaded music for the funeral and read at the funeral. There was so much preparation for everyone involved, and it felt overwhelming for everyone at times.

At the gathering after the funeral at my Nonna's house, S goes off to my Uncle in private about why she wasn't included in the eulogy, and how she helped out oh so much. S did nothing to help, and she's only been around for 2 years, so who cares if she wasn't included. My Dad and my Zia's husband were included, cause they've been there for Nonno around 15 years, and my Mum, Zia and Uncle were mentioned, cause they're his kids. And all the grandchildren got mentioned, cause we're the real family. After my Dad, Mum, sister and I go home, my Uncle yelled and screamed at my Nonna and Zia, for not having S in the eulogy. He yelled like a madman, and the neighbours had to call the house to see if everyone is safe.

After the gathering, my Mum got a message from my Zia saying S went off at her about not having her name in the eulogy. Everyone got pissed.

My Zia and Nonna came over a few days ago, my Mum showed messages S sent her, and my Zia showed messages S sent her too. She said things along the lines of "It's not fair that I wasn't included. I've done so much, and been there so much. You didn't even include my kids, how dare you. I am (Uncle's name's) fiancee, and I am a part of his life." My Nonna was very angry, and my Zia replied to her saying "This was Nonno's funeral, not yours. How dare you make this funeral about you, you selfish woman. We worked hard to make it about him, not you. None of this has to do with you. None of us like you, because all you do is lie and manipulate (my Uncle) all the time. You are the most selfish woman to walk this earth, and you did not help out at the funeral a single bit. My husband and my sister's husband have actually been there for 15+ years, and you've barely been around. All you do is talk about yourself, and I've had it. Enjoy your life away from us, because none of the family want you around every again. We're disowning (my Uncle) too, because he believes you over his real family who haven't controlled his life as much as you. He's a fool, and when he divorces or breaks up with you, and comes running back, we're not accepting him anymore. Because he's already chosen his new family; a bunch of liars. Get the f away from the family. Enjoy your life."

My Nonna, who is very nice, quiet and sweet, then said to my Uncle, "Get S out of the family. Go away. I never want to see you, or that cow again. I created you, so don't treat me like crap. Never disrespect my family."

Best revenge ever, cause S has shut up and stopped whining, and I haven't heard a thing from them since, or seen them. I no longer want to see them again. I forgot to mention she also went off behind my back about me not including photos of her on the slideshow I worked so hard on, and I started yelling curses to her, saying "That cow wants to make the funeral all about her petty ass." She's nasty. My Uncle also went off about me too. I hope their marriage turns to shit.

(source) story by (/u/UnusualCatto)

#prorevenge #by /u/UnusualCatto #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #last10

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paulasldkjf-blog · 5 years ago

Text

(scroll down for references)

I’ve heard stories of athletes in their 30s/40s getting extremely sick

seek medical attention if: short of breath, blueness in lips/fingers, choking sensation, persistent pain/pressure in chest, mental confusion

symptoms take between 2 and 14 days to appear after infection

people experience mild symptoms, start to get better, then go into severe symptoms and pneumonia around day 7

mild symptoms: impaired sense of smell/taste, upper-respiratory tract infection that progresses to a lower-respiratory tract infection, dry coughing (from the chest not the throat), sore throat, headache, fever, high temperature, tiredness, aches/pains, nasal congestion, runny nose, diarrhoea

severe symptoms: shortness of breath, blueness in lips/fingers

"Seriously sick coronavirus patients in New York state’s largest hospital system are being given massive doses of vitamin C — based on promising reports that it’s helped people in hard-hit China"

if experiencing severe symptoms take 1500mg vitamin C every 6 hours (food-sources are not effective at high dosages, only liposome vitamin C will work: https://au.iherb.com/pr/SunLipid-Liposomal-Vitamin-C-Naturally-Flavored-30-Packets-0-17-oz-5-0-ml-Each/90757)

"fatality rate was 14.8% in people 80 or older ... 1.3% in 50-somethings, 0.4% in 40-somethings, and 0.2% in people 10 to 39"

"A new study found the SARS-CoV-2 virus was detectable in aerosols for up to 3 hrs, up to 24 hrs on cardboard and up to 2-3 days on plastic/stainless steel."

home-made sanitiser recipe: "mix two parts 95% non-denatured (denatured contains toxic elements to prevent drinking) ethanol ... with 1 part aloe vera gel"

fabric over the mouth/nose should help against the virus contained in water-vapour in the air

weaken immune system: alcohol, sugar, stress

strengthen immune system:

adequate sleep

moderate exercise (intense exercise temporarily weakens the immune system)

spending time in nature

vitamin D (sunlight (sunscreen blocks vitamin-d intake), organ-meat) cuts risk of respiratory tract infection by 50%

hot bath/sauna

200-500mg vitamin C /day (1 orange contains 50mg or https://au.iherb.com/pr/California-Gold-Nutrition-Gold-C-Vitamin-C-500-mg-240-Veggie-Caps/61866)

vitamin A (fermented codliver oil (1t/day), organ meats https://www.ebay.com.au/sch/i.html?_from=R40&_trksid=p2047675.m570.l1313.TR10.TRC0.A0.H0.Xblue+ice+cod+liver+oil.TRS0&_nkw=blue+ice+cod+liver+oil&_sacat=0)

fermented vegetables (high vitamin-c content + other)

garlic and onion

bone-broth (boil bones for 3 hours)

saturated fats (butter, coconut oil, meat fats, cream, cheese)

mushrooms (chaga, shiitake, maitake, turkey tail; https://au.iherb.com/pr/Four-Sigmatic-Superfood-Blends-10-Mushroom-Blend-2-12-oz-60-g/82309?rec=iherbtest-pdp-related&gclid=Cj0KCQjw6_vzBRCIARIsAOs54z47x95jolkYlc6bTCbEnxc_5MEJlm14Q1UmX5Okc5rNSqsHLrXnhywaAiiUEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds)

berries

magnesium

essential oils

coconut oil

zinc

ground flaxseed

elderberry

licorice root

activated charcoal

chloroquine/hydroxychloroquine

peptides

oxide therapy

fermented vegetable recipe: 2g salt per 100g water (or 2.5g for warmer climate); fill jar with vegetables up to 2.5cm from the top, add salt-water up to 1.25cm from the top; taste-test every three days (or every day in warmer climates) until the taste is right, then refrigerate; they keep for months in the fridge; it should never smell/taste 'off' or be slimy; to prevent build-up of CO2, loosen/release the jar-lid every few days (fermentation-kit: https://www.nourishmeorganics.com.au/collections/cultured-vegetable-starter-cultures)

======================== SYMPTOMS/SEVERITY OF THE SICKNESS

"About half of the 109 Covid-19 patients (ages 22 to 94) treated at Central Hospital of Wuhan, researchers there reported, developed acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS), in which fluid builds up in the small air sacs of the lungs" [1]

"About 5% of all COVID-19 cases need intensive care, and without it, all of them will die" [3]

"If you're starting to feel severely sick though, if you're getting short of breath, if you're having any blueness in your lips or in your fingers, if the illness just feels like it's taking hold of you, you do eventually have to go in because there are interventions in the hospital that are extremely necessary" [7.1]

"They've also noticed that the progression of the illness to the severe illness seems to be happening a bit later in the course. So, somewhere around that 7 to 10-day range. So, people will often start with sort of a mild upper respiratory tract infection, progresses to a lower respiratory tract infection. Then over the course of a week, progresses to the more severe illness where they start getting the inflammation and the acute respiratory distress syndrome or the ARDS. They've also noticed that the ARDS cases are not quite as bad, and a lot of times, the patients will actually recover from the ARDS, and then it'll actually be the dilated cardiomyopathy that gets them in the end. A cardiomyopathy is where your heart stops squeezing as well, basically. So, it doesn't squeeze as well as it normally does your ejection fraction, which is an estimate of how well your heart is performing decreases severely, and then patients end up dying of basically cardiogenic shock" [7.1]

if choking sensation, call doctor

every morning breath deeply and hold breath for 10seconds. If this can be done without difficulty/coughing all good [30]

impaired sense of smell [15, 44]

cough, fever, tiredness, dry cough, aches/pains, nasal congestion, runny nose, sore throat, diarrhea, difficulty breathing [39]

"These symptoms are usually mild and begin gradually" [39]

symptoms that indicate severity and warrant seeking medical attention: trouble breathing, persistent pain/pressure in chest, confusion, bluish lips/face [40]

symptoms take between 2 and 14 days to show up [40]

"you sort of get better, then it comes back, you sort of get better, then it comes back" [42]

"little bit of cough, headache, runny nose ... for first 36hours ... got a little bit worse with muscle aches ... day five ... fever, muscle-aches, pain everywhere" [42]

"98% had fever, 76% had cough, 55% had shortness of breath" [43]

"incubation period of maybe about a week or two, and then there was the illness that lasted for 8 days, and then there was the shortness of breath" [43]

loss of taste and smell, fever, dry cough that comes from your chest, shortness of breath ("If your chest becomes tight or you begin to feel as if you cannot breathe deeply enough to get a good breath"), persistent pain/pressure in chest, blush lips, mental confusion, headaches, digestive issues, body aches, fatigue, runny nose, sore throat and sneezing [45]

"One possible sign that you might have Covid-19 is if your symptoms, especially shortness of breath, don't improve after a week or so but actually worsen" [45]

"you get better before it gets worse" [46]

"common cold, my nose was was stuffy, I had ear problems, sinus problems ... got better ... got hit with the flu ... headache ... was getting better with the flu and that's when I got hit with the pneumonia ... can't take a full breath like you need to" [46]

"very mild persistent headache ... that was a friday, then saturday I started to feel gradually worse during the day ... got to the sunday ... full flu-like symptoms, weak, achy ... cough at that point and high temperature ... felt like I was starting to turn the corner ... breathing problems" [47]

ibuprofen/advil could make it worse [48]

MOST VULNERABLE: ELDERLY AND THOSE WITH PRE-EXISTING HEALTH PROBLEMS

"this virus has been worse in the elderly and quite mild in children. And we think that's probably due to some immunity that's cross over from the other coronaviruses, which we typically get when we're children. So, that immunity is lost as we become adults and we age" [7.1]

"The people most vulnerable to viral infection and death are the elderly and those with acute or chronic diseases." [7.2]

Patients who have been tested for SARS-CoV-2 are disproportionately those with severe symptoms and bad outcomes [33.3]

"fatality rate was 14.8% in people 80 or older" [11]

"1.3% in 50-somethings, 0.4% in 40-somethings, and 0.2% in people 10 to 39" [11]

"The age-related death risk probably reflects the strength, or weakness, of the respiratory system" [11]

AVOIDING CONTAMINATION

"A new study found the SARS-CoV-2 virus was detectable in aerosols for up to 3 hrs, up to 24 hrs on cardboard and up to 2-3 days on plastic/stainless steel." [6]

"It's an enveloped virus (with a thin plasma membrane), so easily broken chemically: killed by soap/detergents" [8, slide 17]

90% of virus dies after 6h of weak sunlight [8, slide 17]

home-made sanitiser recipe: "mix two parts 95% non-denatured (denatured contains toxic elements to prevent drinking) ethanol ... with 1 part aloe vera gel" [8, slide 44]

"20 seconds of thorough hand-washing can take one down" [9]

fabric over the mouth/nose should help against the virus contained in water-vapour in the air [15]

"Covid-19 transmits very early in infection, even before people start to become unwell." [41]

"“I don’t think we know,” said Weiss when asked about the immunity question. “I think they’re going to be immune for a while." Perlman said some other coronaviruses — the four that cause colds and flu-like illnesses — can be caught more than once. He wonders if people who had asymptomatic infection would not develop enough antibodies to be able to fend off the virus on a later exposure but might have a mild infection on a second go-round." [41]

STRENGTHEN IMMUNE SYSTEM

"the less toxins we put in ourselves, the healthier we get our intestines and our heart and our lung, and the more we sleep and the lower our stress, and the more we exercise and we're doing everything to get our immune system and our biology working well, then that has potential to be a long-term strategy of preventing infections. And I would say that has been borne out in my clinical experience." [7.1]

"if you strengthen your immune system you will be okay" [11]

"The common denominator is a compromised immune system. People with robust immune systems have a much lower infection vulnerability and, if infected, a much higher survival prognosis." [7.2]

THINGS THAT WEAKEN IMMUNE SYSTEM

"Excess alcohol consumption affects booth innate and adaptive immunity, leading to a significant weakening of your defences and heightening the risk of infections. Avoiding not only sugary drinks but sugar in general will also benefit your immune function, while a high sugar intake is associated with an increased mortality risk from all causes" [33.4]

"She covers the role of 5G in weakening the immune system" [14.2]

ADEQUATE SLEEP

"I don't know if there's anything that's really going to have as much of an impact on your immunity than sleep" [7.1]

recommends [11]

"Shorter sleep duration, measured behaviorally using actigraphy prior to viral exposure, was associated with increased susceptibility to the common cold" [38]

EXERCISE

" immunity will actually be slightly lower when I'm training really hard. So, movement, staying in shape but not overdoing it will be important when you think about exercise" [7.1]

"Exercise boosts your immune system in multiple ways, including causing white blood cells, which fight disease, to circulate more rapidly, allowing them to detect illnesses sooner" [33.4]

"excess sitting is a risk factor for disease in its own right and has even been linked to an increased risk of death from all causes" [33.4]

SPENDING TIME IN NATURE

recommends [15]

"In a study of 20,000 people, a team led by Mathew White of the European Centre for Environment & Human Health at the University of Exeter, found that people who spent two hours a week in green spaces — local parks or other natural environments, either all at once or spaced over several visits — were substantially more likely to report good health and psychological well-being than those who don’t" [22]

"time in nature — as long as people feel safe — is an antidote for stress: It can lower blood pressure and stress hormone levels, reduce nervous system arousal, enhance immune system function, increase self-esteem, reduce anxiety, and improve mood" [22]

STRESS

"Worry and panic and stress deplete vitamin A, which we need to fight the virus" [14.2]

stress/anxiety weakens the immune system [33.4]

HOT WATER IMMERSION / SAUNA

"increase your own heat shock protein production and enhance your immunity, and that's via the use of frequent sauna exposure" [7.1]

recommends [11]

"sauna practice ... increases the expression of heat shock proteins and also boosts white cell counts" [7.3]

Men that used the sauna 2-3x per week were 27% less likely to get pneumonia and those that used it 4-7x per week had a 41% reduced risk compared to men that used the sauna 1x per week [25]

"Here we discuss the potential benefits and mechanisms of active (i.e., exercise) and passive heating methods (e.g., hot water immersion, sauna therapy) to reduce chronic low-grade inflammation" [26]

"Scientists are not sure why saunas have such a dramatic impact on respiratory illnesses but the theory is that the heat generated by them eases airway obstruction." [27]

VITAMIN C

(1 orange contain 50mg vitamin C)

"Extra natural vitamin C such as Pure Radiance C – 1 teaspoon two times a day or 6 caps daily" [2]

"I recommend camu camu, a bushy riverside tree. One teaspoon of its cherrylike fruit in powder form has 760% vitamin C" [4]

“People that have more vitamin C are less likely to get the illness, and if they do get it they’re more likely to have a mild case.” [5]

"Only 200mg of vitamin C...reduced the death rate of elderly pneumonia patients by 80 percent.” [5]

"So, there's some studies that have shown that vitamin C, when it was given intravenously, decrease mortality and prevent the organ system failure in patients with sepsis" [7.1]

small studies have found vitamin-c to help with sepsis (life-threatening illness caused by the bodies response to infection) [8, slide 36]

'liposomal' Vitamin C is required, regular Vitamin C will not be effective, even in high doses. 20ml/day [7.2]

"I suggest taking 200-500mg oral vitamin C during cold and flu season" [7.3]

"To find a good-quality vitamin C product, look for an all organic food based supplement, or a USP grade vitamin C, produced in a GMP certified facility. A few good brands that fit these criteria include Whole Foods Food Sourced Vitamin C, American Nutraceuticals and OrthoMolecular Buffered C capsules" [7.3]

"High dose vitamin C was discovered by Linus Pauling to fight disease" [17.1]

recommends [19]

recommends [29]

"Your best source is fermented veggies like sauerkraut" [17.3]

"vitamin C, found in foods like broccoli and kiwi, exerts anti-viral immune responses as well as has antioxidant, immunomodulatory and anti-infectious effects" [33.4]

"said his intensive-care patients with the coronavirus immediately receive 1,500 milligrams of intravenous vitamin C. Identical amounts of the powerful antioxidant are then readministered three or four times a day, he said." [21]

"The patients who received vitamin C did significantly better than those who did not get vitamin C" [21]

"natural absorption of vitamin C above an intake of about 200 mg decreases sharply by 50%" [49]

"Liposomes are phospholipid containing microscopic spheres that carry vitamin C at their core. Their absorption does not depend on vitamin C transporters like SVCT-1 but rather on direct fusion of the liposome with the small intestinal cells resulting in direct intracellular release of the vitamin C and eventually into the blood circulation." [49]

"allows it to bypass the slow vitamin C transporters present in the gut" [49]

"some products labeled as “liposomal" vitamin C don’t utilize “liposome” delivery at all" [49]

"A good liposomal vitamin C supplement should be non-GMO and preferably use phospholipids derived from sunflower lecithin" [49]

"Choose a formed liposomal or a well made pro-liposomal supplement that contains vitamin C and a fatty substance (phospholipids or phosphatidylcholine), but does not include ascorbyl palmitate, ascorbyl oleate, or cetyl ascorbate as they offer no advantage over regular vitamin C" [49]

"A good liposomal vitamin C supplement should be non-GMO and preferably use phospholipids derived from sunflower lecithin" [49]

high-quality liposome vitamin C: https://au.iherb.com/pr/SunLipid-Liposomal-Vitamin-C-Naturally-Flavored-30-Packets-0-17-oz-5-0-ml-Each/90757

high-quality (USP, GMP) non-liposome vitamin C (meaningless to take more than 500mg at one time): https://au.iherb.com/pr/California-Gold-Nutrition-Gold-C-Vitamin-C-500-mg-240-Veggie-Caps/61866

GARLIC AND ONION

recommends both [11]

recommends garlic [19]

"Onion and garlic are natural sources which are known to possess antiviral properties. It is well known that onion and garlic are rich source of organosulfur compounds. Organosulfur compounds like quercetin and allicin are associated with inhibition of viral infection" [23]

"As far as the research goes, garlic has immensely powerful anti-infective (i.e. suppressing dysbiosis and opportunistic overgrowth of microbes) properties" [33.2]

recommends garlic [33.4]

VITAMIN A AND D WORK TOGETHER

"when you take [vitamin A and D] together, that can be synergistic" [7.1]

"How vitamin D works synergistically with vitamin A" [14.2]

Vitamin D works with vitamin A to give us a strong immune system. [17.3]

VITAMIN A

"Fermented Cod Liver Oil – 1 teaspoon per day" [2]

"Vitamin A turns out has a whole diversity of ways that can improve immune function ... You definitely need to have some of it, but you don't have too much [7.1]

"eating liver once per week" [14.2]

"vitamin A (from animal foods) is critical for fighting disease" [14.2]

"egg yolks, butter, liver, and cod liver oil are good sources of vitamin A" [14.2]

"vitamin A is a powerhouse for fighting disease" [17.1]

"Foods high in vitamin A are pastured yolks, beef liver, lamb liver, cod liver oil, mackerel, salmon, pastured butter" [17.1]

"Vitamin A is a fat soluble vitamin, which means if you are taking a supplement, first of all it’s synthetic and not often absorbed by the body, but also can’t absorb if it’s not taken with fat" [17.1]

"Orange foods, high in beta carotene, like carrots, butternut squash, and pumpkin, are powerful vitamin A support as the beta carotene goes to your liver, where it is converted to vitamin A" [17.1]

"Vitamin A is our number one protection against viruses" [17.3]

"Best sources are cod liver oil, egg yolks from pastured hens, butter from grass-fed cows" [17.3]

high-quality codliver oil: https://www.ebay.com.au/sch/i.html?_from=R40&_trksid=p2047675.m570.l1313.TR10.TRC0.A0.H0.Xblue+ice+cod+liver+oil.TRS0&_nkw=blue+ice+cod+liver+oil&_sacat=0 [50]

VITAMIN D / SUNLIGHT

"vitamin D deficiency may actually be considered a risk factor for sepsis and inflammatory disorders" [7.1]

"The next one would be vitamin D. They've called it the pro-survival molecule and it's felt to be helpful to the immune system in states of excessive or chronic stress" [7.1]

vitamin d3 every day: between 5000 and 50000 international units [11]

vitamin D/K blend (5000mg daily) [7.2]

UV helps fight virus's

recommends sunlight [15]

"sunscreen blocks vitamin D from getting into our skin" [17.1]

"Foods high in vitamin D include pastured yellow butter, seafood, fish eggs, organ meats" [17.1]

vitamin D (sunlight, meat, egg) [19]

Analysis of 25 randomised controlled trials from around the world found that vitamin D supplementation cut the risk of respiratory tract infections by 50% in people that were deficient and by 10% in people with normal vitamin D levels. [20]

"Vitamin D supplementation was safe and it protected against acute respiratory tract infection overall. Patients who were very vitamin D deficient and those not receiving bolus doses experienced the most benefit." [24]

vitamin D intake may be harmful if not paired with vitamin k [51]

FERMENTED FOODS

recommends [7.3]

This podcast (40mins) explains fermented foods and nutrition in general. [14.1]

"Drinking home fermented kraut juice or fermented garlic brine are both great options" [17.1]

"People are finding that when they take the maximum tolerated levels of kraut juice daily, they don’t get sick. Each person’s maximum tolerated level is specific to them, the amount just before they see die off" (recipe: https://www.nourishingplot.com/2014/06/02/kraut-juice/) [17.2]

"Fermented foods and beverages, such as yogurt and kefir, are also beneficial. Consuming a probiotic drink has been found to reduce the incidence of influenza in children[vi] while eating yogurt fermented with Lactobacillus delbrueckii ssp. bulgaricus augmented natural killer cell activity and reduced the risk of catching the common cold among the elderly" [33.4]

fermented vegetable recipe:

increasing your nutrition too drastically can cause 'die-off' [17.5]

"die-off ... when these gut pathogens are killed, causing their cell wall to burst open and dump toxins previously contained inside the bacteria into the intestines ... can cause uncomfortable symptoms" [52]

fermented vegetable recipe: 2g salt / 100g water (or 2.5g for warmer climate); fill jar with vegetables up to 2.5cm from the top, add salt-water up to 1.25cm from the top; taste every three days (or every day in warmer climates) until the taste is right, then refrigerate; they keep for months in the fridge; it should never smell/taste 'off' or be slimy; to prevent build-up of CO2, loosen/release the jar-lid every few days. (fermentation-kit: https://www.nourishmeorganics.com.au/collections/cultured-vegetable-starter-cultures)

BONE BROTH

recommends [7.3]

"bone broth is an excellent immunity booster and detoxing protocol" [14.2]

recommends [17.3]

boil bones for 3hours

SATURATED FATS

"we need saturated fats to keep the lungs working well ... found in butter, coconut oil, meat fats, cream, & cheese" [14.2]

"Coronavirus has an affinity for the lungs, and the lungs can’t work without saturated fats, so eat plenty of butter and avoid all industrial fats and oils" [17.3]

MUSHROOMS

mushrooms (chaga, Shiitake, Maitake, turkey tail). "My favorite way to get a daily dose of immune-boosting mushrooms is through Four Sigmatic’s 10 Mushroom Blend" [7.3]

recommends [33.4]

BERRIES/FLAVONOIDS

recommends (herbacetin, isobavachalcone, quercetin 3‐β‐d‐glucoside, and helichrysetin) [33.1]

"Flavonoids, for instance, found in berries and onions, among other produce, reduce the incidence of upper respiratory tract infections" [33.4]

MAGNESIUM recommends [11] recommends [7.2]

ESSENTIAL OILS recommends [11] recommends [7.2]

COCONUT OIL "1 Tablespoon of coconut oil per day" [14.2] recommends [17.3]

ZINC

"Zinc deficiency we know is associated with immune dysfunction, including some pro-inflammatory cytokines, atrophy to thymus, reduction in T regulatory cells. So, personally, I started taking a zinc supplement, which I wasn't in the past. So, about 15 to 30 milligrams per day" [7.1]

if exposed to sickness, dissolve 4 zinc lozenges in mouth per day [7.3]

recommends [29]

GROUND FLADXSEED flaxseed ground (if not ground it can't be digested, 2Tbsp twice/day) [7.2]

ELDERBERRY

elderberry in the form of juice, tea, tinctures, and supplements [7.3]

"Elderberries are commonly used with the onset of of a virus as it stops a virus from mutating inside the body. It is not recommended for the coronavirus due to an increase in cytokines." [17.1]

"Elderberries, small, dark purple berries grown on the Sambucus tree, are well known for their cold and flu-fighting properties" [33.4]

LICORICE ROOT licorice (1500mg / day) [7.2] recommends [7.3] recommends [33.1]

ACTIVATED CHARCOAL recommends [11] recommends [7.2]

CHLOROQUINE/HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE

"chloroquine works against sars-cov-2 in human cells" [8, slide 18]

"hydroxychloroquine was found to be more potent than cloroquine ... a loading dose of 400mg twice daily of hydroxychloroquine sulfate given orally, followed by a maintenance dose of 200 mg given twice daily for 4 days is recommended for sars-cov-2 infection" [8, slide 20]

"common side effects [of hydroxychloroquine] include vomiting, headache, changes in vision and muscle weakness" [8]

overdoses of hydroxychloroquine are rare but possible [8]

"despite its small sample size our survey shows that hydroxychloroquine treatment is significantly associated with viral load reduction/disappearance in COVID-19 patients and its effect is reinforced by azithromycin" [28]

PEPTIDES

recommends [7.1]

"The most effective immune enhancement substance I am aware of is the Russian developed Peptide Bioregulator Vladonix (for thymus/immune system)" [7.2]

OXIDE THERAPY

recommends [7.1]

Dr John Bergman recommends ozone therapy (blood is extracted, oxygenated then injected back in. Vitamin C must be consumed 1.5hours later [29]

OTHER

Arsenicum album 30C and Camphor 1M as homeopathic defense: First take one dose (about 2 to 3 pellets) of Arsenicum album 30C. If your flu-like symptoms are significant contact your local MD, describe your symptoms, and see about getting tested for coronavirus. If the Arsenicum album 30C helps alleviate your symptoms, continue dosing this remedy two to three times a day, for three days or more. If your flu-like symptoms are not being alleviated by this remedy however… Then take one dose (about 2 to 3 pellets) of Camphor 1M, from two times a day to every four hours (depending on the intensity of your symptoms), for three days or more. If neither the Arsenicum album or Camphor help reduce your symptoms within a few hours, contact me or your local homeopath as soon as possible. Early intervention is crucial. [2]

"Emu oil – 1 teaspoon two times a day" [2]

"CHAMP Pro Plus – From ½ to 1 scoop daily in water (GALT, Gut Associated Lymphoid Tissue, regulates almost 70% of the immune system.)" [2]

"NotaSan 4X – 2 drops rubbed over the tonsil areas of the upper neck or snorted up the nose, three to six times a day, to help reduce cold, flu, sinus, or allergy symptoms when they arise." [2]

"Unfortunately, we do not know how long this immunity lasts. We already observe multiple strains of COVID-19, and will see many more, due to the large number of carriers." [3]

'Flattening the curve' is not a viable option. The virus is predicted to infect >40% of people it comes in contact with. In order for the 'curve' to be flattened to a point where our care/treatment facilities are not exhausted, it would have to stretch over an unrealistically long period (the article estimates 10 years). The article considers containment (eradication via preventing the spread until those infected are identified and cured) as the only option [3]

"Why doesn't the government, the CDC, offer any nutritional or dietary advice? Think about it." [4]

olive leaf extract [7.1]

hot soups, ginger, root vegetables, hot liquids, conscious breathing (breath out twice as long as you breathe in) [11]

"All of the nutraceuticals, other than the peptides, can be purchased at the Swanson Vitamins website. It is essential you use the specific products listed (referencing a list displayed below the quote, on the website I've taken it from) as each has the required potency and high-quality ingredients necessary to be effective. This is especially true of the liposomal Vitamin C. Regular Vitamin C will not be effective, even in high doses." [7.2]

beta glucan / beta right (500mg) [7.2]

"His research has shown that a specific combination of micronutrients can support and enhance the immune system. In addition to vitamin C, they include vitamin A, vitamin E, vitamin B6, vitamin B12, folic acid, magnesium, calcium, and iron" [7.2]

"What my Chinese herbologist friend specifically recommended was: Liposomal Vitamin C packets – 3x a day, L-Lysine 1000 mg – 3x a day, NAC 1500~1800mg – 3x a day. Be sure all of the above are taken together" [7.2]

"For adults, drink 10 mls Silversol 4-6 times daily; 1-2 teaspoons of Umcka four times daily; 6 squirts of BioCidin LS 4-6 times daily; 1 cap 50,000 units Vitamin D x 4 days; 2 tablets of Iodine 25mg daily for 4 days; 5 ml Silversol 2 times daily if there is possible contact with a virus; 1000mg of Vitamin C daily; Briotech HOCL – use as a spray and you can ingest orally" [7.2]

"Vitamin D/K, Ancestral Supplements Thymus blend, liposomal glutathione, colloidal silver, oil of oregano" [7.2]

Echinacea [7.3]

"John Douillard’s Decoction Tea Instructions: Soak 1 tablespoon of [slippery elm bark, marshmallow root, and licorice root] (you must source these herbs in a chopped, not ground, form) in 2 quarts of water overnight. Boil the mixture down to 1/2 quart in the morning. Strain the mixture through a metal strainer (use a large spoon to push it through. Save the liquid and discard the herbs. Take 1 tablespoon of the liquid every two hours on an empty stomach for one month, sometimes two months if needed." [7.3]

"look for oregano oil that contains a natural carvacrol level of over 80%. The “fake” stuff at the grocery store or bulk supplement website is typically comprised of thymol or is simply an oil harvested from thyme, which doesn’t give you the same potent effect as an oil high in carvacrol. Finally, should you purchase the 100% pure version of oregano, be very careful: it is extremely caustic and can burn the skin or the mouth, so you must mix it into a carrier oil" [7.3]

antiviral: sulfate (cauliflower, broccoli, cabbage); terpenoids (cannabis & other herbs, block uptake of virus into cell); glutathione, glycine, selenium; herbs/spices; avoid glyphosate [19]

"selenium, either oral or Iv's" [29]

hot liquids kill it [30]

ensure mouth/throat is always wet (drink something every 15 mins) [30]

"Cistus tea has been found to thwart off viruses" [17.4]

"food-derived substance with proven coronavirus-inhibiting properties: Chameleon plant " [33.1]

"Natural substances which have been studied for Coronavirus infections include: Black Tea, Cinnamon, Resveratrol" [33.2]

"turmeric and its active ingredient curcumin" [33.4]

SARS-COV-2 is the virus that caused COVID-19 (stands for "coronavirus-2019")

"I’m not planning on forgetting that earlier this week Joe Biden told the American public that anyone “not at risk of being exposed to COVID-19” (not a real category of person) should go congregate in public, including in dozens of low-income senior centers, to vote for him"

gargling salt water could clear the throat of bacteria and prevent infections getting worse

========================== [1] https://www.statnews.com/2020/03/03/who-is-getting-sick-and-how-sick-a-breakdown-of-coronavirus-risk-by-demographic-factors/ [2] https://www.louisawilliamsnd.com/post/coronavirus-recommendations-update?utm_campaign=3a59df04-d55c-4561-8259-a2d7ec266e69&utm_source=so&utm_medium=mail&cid=7cd28690-a598-42af-abc5-feafcdce315b [3] https://medium.com/@joschabach/flattening-the-curve-is-a-deadly-delusion-eea324fe9727 [4] https://twitter.com/tao_lin [5] https://youtu.be/fwyAM7fCG44 [6] https://twitter.com/foundmyfitness [7.1] https://bengreenfieldfitness.com/transcripts/transcript-how-to-improve-immune-system/ [7.2] https://bengreenfieldfitness.com/article/lifestyle-articles/how-to-boost-immune-system/?preview=true [7.3] https://bengreenfieldfitness.com/article/nutrition-articles/shorten-cold-flu-duration/ [8] https://docsend.com/view/stajszk [9] https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2020/03/biography-new-coronavirus/608338/ [11] https://www.blogtalkradio.com/askdrjohnbergman/2020/02/25/im-not-afraid-of-the-corona-virus [14.1] https://www.westonaprice.org/podcast/202-what-you-dont-know-about-ferments/ [14.2] https://www.westonaprice.org/podcast/232-protect-yourself-from-the-coronavirus-or-any-virus/ [15] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ym-WGOq96G0 [17.1] https://www.nourishingplot.com/2020/03/04/natural-treatment-against-the-coronavirus-what-you-need-on-hand-to-be-prepared/ [17.2] https://www.nourishingplot.com/2017/02/07/natural-flu-shot-prevention-support/ [17.3] https://nourishingtraditions.com/how-to-protect-yourself-from-coronavirus-or-any-virus/ [17.4] https://www.nourishingplot.com/2020/03/17/cistus-tea-for-virus-and-bacteria-support-shows-to-reduce-tick-and-mosquito-bites/ [17.5] https://www.nourishingplot.com/2019/06/04/die-off-and-vitamin-c-sources-for-chronic-illness-gaps-approved/ [19] https://t.co/jtN1BOeJcN?amp=1 [20] https://t.co/rpD72lacR7?amp=1 [21] https://nypost.com/2020/03/24/new-york-hospitals-treating-coronavirus-patients-with-vitamin-c/ [22] https://e360.yale.edu/features/ecopsychology-how-immersion-in-nature-benefits-your-health [23] https://pharmascope.org/index.php/ijrps/article/view/1738/2428 [24] https://www.bmj.com/content/356/bmj.i6583 [25] https://t.co/htUYo4bFZL?amp=1 [26] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/32139348 [27] https://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2017/10/09/saunas-cut-pneumonia-risk/ [28] https://mediterranee-infection.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Hydroxychloroquine_final_DOI_IJAA.pdf [29] https://www.instagram.com/drjohnbergman/ [30] msg mum sent (apparently info given to hospital staff) [33.1] https://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/studies-find-natural-treatments-coronavirus [33.2] https://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/medicinal-foods-and-beverages-protect-against-coronavirus-research-suggests [33.3] https://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/fiasco-making-coronavirus-pandemic-takes-hold-we-are-making-decisions-without-rel [33.4] https://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/who-five-ways-boost-immunity-fight-covid-19 [33.5] https://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/top-four-antiviral-benefits-elderberry [38] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4531403/ [39] https://www.who.int/news-room/q-a-detail/q-a-coronaviruses#:~:text=symptoms [40] https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/about/symptoms.html [41] https://www.statnews.com/2020/03/26/what-weve-learned-about-the-coronavirus-and-what-we-still-need-to-know/ [42] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzJgPvukzTE [43] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCG3xqtcL3c [44] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4eu-h_owaI&t=4s [45] https://edition.cnn.com/2020/03/25/health/coronavirus-symptoms-list-what-to-do-wellness/index.html?utm_content=2020-03-28T07%3A58%3A01&utm_source=twCNN&utm_medium=social&utm_term=link [46] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9oqvJ3iXGI [47] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxQPCfeywXQ [48] https://www1.racgp.org.au/newsgp/clinical/ibuprofen-and-covid-19-what-gps-need-to-know [49] https://coremedscience.com/blogs/wellness/how-to-pick-the-best-liposomal-vitamin-c [50] https://www.westonaprice.org/health-topics/cod-liver-oil/cod-liver-oil-basics-and-recommendations/ [51] https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/vitamin-d-and-vitamin-k#section3 [52] https://justthrivehealth.com/blogs/blog/what-is-die-off

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tameila · 6 years ago

Text

deleted chapter 15 scene

so for no reason other than because i reread it while putting something else into my ‘extra bits to save in case i decide i want them’ doc, here’s an alternative direction for chapter 15 that I ended up scrapping.

to introduce it, it takes places after the scene between Lionel and Pike on the stairs at the University of Emon. Pike ends up running into Allura on campus instead of the ‘Pike calls Allura and leaves a voicemail’ bit that I actually put in the chapter.

in retrospect, it’s not as bad as i definitely thought it was at the time that i scrapped it, and i’m kinda wondering why I scrapped it in the first place. like...it’s a full scene! idk chapter 15 was a wild ride! maybe i’ll even edit this back in someday...lemme know what you think!

anyway! here it is!

Their duck quest leads them down the stairs and halfway across campus, past the Alabaster Lyceum but before The Ivory Tower, where Pike vaguely remembers there being a quaint, little pond.

During the winter, students will skate on the ice there despite administration’s strict rules against it. A lesson she learned the hard way when visiting Kima and Allura in a January some ten years ago. Kima and Allura managed to scamper off the ice before the security guard could see them. Pike, stumbling around like a baby deer, got caught and had to sit in the offices until Wilhand could drive all the way from Westruun to pick her up. She got let go with a warning, but she’s never forgotten that cursed pond.

(Luckily, Wilhand had just laughed and spent the whole car ride back to Westruun telling her stories of his own wild youth.)

(Luckily, Kima and Allura had felt so bad about ditching her that they helped sneak her into the campus bar next time she visited.)

That was a long time ago.

“Ducks!”

Pike shakes from her thoughts to find herself standing in the shadow of the Ivory Tower, Lionel cheering gleefully somewhere behind her. Her skin prickles with chills. Some born from the sun’s absence. Some, she has no doubt, born from the treacherous hope of - Maybe. A student brushes past, mumbling an ‘excuse me’ as they go, and Pike glimpses the ID card in their hand and, more importantly, their path for the Ivory Tower’s entrance.

Leave it, part of her insists, Allura isn’t here.

Pike glances over her shoulder at Lionel, who stands with his back to her, thoroughly distracted by the ducks swimming on the pond.

This is your only chance, a stronger will pulls, so she follows in the student’s wake, grabbing the door before it closes. Maybe.

She doesn’t regret her decision right away.

At first, it’s rather nice to see the building again. The Ivory Tower is designed in such a way that, when standing in the middle of the first floor, you can see straight up to the last. Pike lingers there for a while, enjoying the sun that shines down through the skylight, before moving on to avoid looking too much like a person out-of-place.

But, after wandering the halls for nearly twenty minutes, climbing spiraling staircase after spiraling staircase, she certainly starts to.

Lionel no longer stands by the pond. She checked while passing by a window on the fourth floor which has left her to continue her walk with a bead of dread in her gut. What if he panics and calls Scanlan? What if Scanlan panics and leaves his meeting to come look for her? He’ll go through all the trouble just to find out she slipped her guard to wander aimlessly around a tower. For what? Imagined closure?

Allura isn’t here.

She already checked her office, and despite her efforts which included checking every plague and asking every student she’s passed, she hasn’t been able to find wherever the hell the library is supposed to be.

Ugh.

She pauses, halfway through her walk around the fifth landing, to pull out her phone and set this whole mess to right when a familiar voice calls out --

“Pike?”

Her phone clatters to the ground and straight to the feet of Allura.

For a moment, Pike freezes, blinking, trying to dispel the dream. Allura looks exactly as she remembers her - blond hair neatly braided, shoulders back, chin held regally even as she tilts her head in confusion at the - Pike imagines - much more haggard looking sight before her.

“Shit. Sorry, sorry!” Pike scrambles for her phone, dropping her gaze and hiding her heated cheeks, but Allura reaches down and grabs it before her and - Well, she doesn’t have much of a choice then, does she? She takes it from Allura’s offering hand with a sheepish smile and another mumbled, “Sorry.”

“No apologies necessary, Pike. If anything, I apologize for startling you. I just...didn’t expect to see you here,” Allura says evenly, but Pike’s attention lingers on the falter in her words. Allura Vysoren does not falter. For the life of her, she cannot determine whether that’s a good sign or not.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m in the city with my boyfriend right now who, well, he’s working today and I’m kinda just around so I thought I’d stop by here and take a walk. It’s -- It’s been a while,” She ends abruptly, swallowing hard.

Allura only nods. “It has been.” Then, after a polite pause, “Have you been well?”

“Yes,” Pike answers on reflex, but the word sits bitterly on her tongue. Allura smiles, pleased by the answer, which only makes it worse. It’s not a lie, she reasons for no one’s benefit. She’s doing well currently, for example, and she has been well, in a general sense of the word. Overall. Physically and, for the most part, mentally. For the most part. But -- This is Allura, the big sister she never had, a best friend she let herself lose, and she wavers.

“Actually, that’s...not completely true. It’s complicated,” she corrects herself in a rush. Allura blinks, waiting expectantly for further explanation, and Pike opens her mouth to do so but cannot provide it.

However, Allura is patient, as she always is, and kind, of course, and she lays a hand on Pike’s arm in the mounting silence.

That terrible, telltale burn swarms her sinuses, and Pike throws her arms around Allura.

“I’m sorry,” she says, muffled into her friend’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I missed the wedding, and I’m sorry I never answered any of your calls afterwards. I got so busy, and then it’d been so long, and I just - I just thought you were angry when you stopped calling.”

Allura holds her as she sputters with apologies and barely contained tears. “As I said, Pike, no apologies necessary. Your grandfather was unwell. Kima and I never expected nor would we have even wanted you to put everything aside for us.”

“But - But, I never - ”

“Called? Keyleth told us how hard you were working, and we understood. Kima, I’ll admit, took it a bit more to personally, but you know how she is. So tender-hearted beneath all that wild hair and brashness,” Allura explains, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper when she speaks of Kima’s heart. Pike chuckles, pulling away as the tears subside to smile at Allura who finishes her reassurances,“We stopped calling, because we wanted to stop any pressure that might have put on you. You’d reach out when you were ready, we knew that. And, look, here you are…”

The softness of that admission almost has Pike in tears all over again. “Here I am!” She sniffles before pulling Allura in for one last bear hug that wanes into a fit of giggles when Allura winces and mutters under her breath - “still as strong as I ever, I see”.

“So, how are you truly?” Allura asks once they’ve settled, walking arm-in-arm down the stairs towards the lobby. “How is Wilhand? Grog? The temple?”

“I am well, but it’s complicated, like I said. But -- Wilhand’s great! Still goes to temple every Sunday, and he’s been getting into the routine of meeting up with his friends at the community center once a week for old people games,” Pike says, beaming. “He won his Bingo game last night. All-or-nothing. Blackout. He was very excited! Oh, and you’ll never believe what finally happened…” Pike pauses to allow the anticipation to build, watching Allura lean closer, before stating as coolly as she can while grinning ear-from-ear, “Grog and Keyleth.”

Allura gasps. “No! Are you serious?”

Pike bobs her head, while Allura melts into a preen, stating with no little amount of smugness, “I told you it would happen.”

“You did not!” Pike retorts. “I’m the one who always said it.”

“You always said you had a hunch, dear, but I knew.”

“That’s probably because Keyleth told you or something. Meanwhile, she never told me anything, fearing it’d be awkward, so all my assumptions were built on observations and inferences. Thus, my claim is the most valid!”

Allura laughs and, after a brief attempt to remain argumentative, her eyebrows doing some impressive furrows, Pike joins her.

They exit the stairwell to the first floor, stalling in the middle of the room, still arm-and-arm. “And, how is the temple?” Allura asks. “Has the workload lightened for you?”

Pike scrunches her nose. “I’m on a bit of a break right now actually....That’s the complicated part.”

“Oh.”

“No, no, but it’s good. What lead to the break wasn’t good. That was...Bad, but the break itself has been exactly what I needed,” Pike assures her, offering Allura a comforting pat on the arm when her friend grimaces, surely thinking she ruined the conversation. “I’m figuring a lot of things out that I need to figure out, and I’m happy, like, Allura, listen, I’m happy.”

Allura softens. “Truly?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’ve been going to therapy. I left Westruun, Allura. I never thought I could do that without losing my mind or something. But, I did, and I got to see you again!” She drops her voice, a secret thrill at the thought of saying it out loud, “I have a boyfriend, and I love him in that, you know, really gross way that I used to make fun of you and Kima for being.”

Pike expects Allura to tease her, maybe pull one of those sisterly ‘I told you so’ cards that she was always so fond of them in their youth. What she expects less is to be pulled into a hug that lifts her right onto her toes.

Bang!

Her and Allura both startle, swerving to face the doors where, much to Pike’s relief and mild dismay, Lionel stands. His face is smushed against the glass, his hands bang and rattle the doors in their frames, and he bellows loudly, loud enough to be heard over his own knocking, “PIKE!!!”

“Is that…?” Allura doesn’t finish her sentence, but Pike reads the questioning lilt.

“No, no, that’s not my boyfriend. That’s….” Huh. She snaps her lips closed and ‘hrmph’s. There really is no easy way to explain that the man causing a public disturbance in her name is her boyfriend’s bodyguard, is there? To Allura’s wide-eyed, scandalized stare, she only offers a shrug and an unconcerned,

“We have a lot to catch up on.”

#The Sun Always Rises #Pikelan #sometimes you just gotta have a doc for bits that you don't currently like #but that you'll be pissed off if you just delete because you MIGHT want them later #it's like the writers' version of hoarding #my writing

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