#I left it vague because I didn't know what blog you wanted this for

[eclarinet]

same soup... different day

[delulujuls]

the right one | jacaerys velaryon

hi, here comes the pt2 for the other one because i think i might actually be falling in love with jace lmao.

for the first time on this blog i tried not to use y/n mentioning because i know that not everyone is a fan of it so yeah, i hope i did well

also i know that the tension is immaculate here so i might write a smutty smut in pt3 eventually so lmk what you think!

summary: the hardened and hateful heart of the future king of westeros is no match for the tender and loving heart of the young prince of dragonstone. so it's not difficult to guess whose heart belongs to the young targaryen princess

warnings: swearing, mentions of threatening with a knife

pairing: sister!targaryen reader x jacaerys velaryon (ft. best-uncle-in-the-world daemon, aemond and this little menace to humanity aegon)

taglist: @gorlillaglue25 @aegonswife @fallout-girl219 @lyssaluvs @briefwinnerpersonaturtle @aleemendoza2425-blog @darkgvk @faeoffaith @slayraxes-blogs @lolilkkk

The young princess sat at the table, but her mind was elsewhere. She didn't participate in the lively conversations, nor did she laugh and joke as she had the previous evening during the feast. Her gaze was fixed on her wine goblet, from which she had not taken a single sip. Her silverware was also untouched.

The girl's behavior did not go unnoticed by those present. Jacaerys, who sat across from her, immediately noticed something was wrong. He didn't have the courage to ask, so he was relieved when the king took that burden off his shoulders.

"Is something troubling you, dear daughter?" he asked, addressing her. The princess didn't hear his question at first; she only came to her senses when Helaena nudged her arm.

"I must have caught a chill," she replied, adjusting her high-collared dress. "My throat hurts."

Aegon wished he could sink into the ground. He remembered the events of the previous night vaguely but knew what had happened. He knew what he had done. He sat next to his sister just as they had been seated the day before but he saw her pull her chair away. She had every right to. He had gone too far.

The king didn't notice Aegon's broken nose, which had been tended to by a maester that morning, nor did he remark on Jacaerys' bruised brow, which he tried to hide under his dark curls. Small scuffles between the boys were normal, and since everyone was sitting at the table eating together, he figured nothing major had happened. He was, however, worried about his daughter.

Daemon was not as blind as his brother, who might have been somewhat blinded by his illness. Viserys, however, had long failed to notice what was consuming his family. Perhaps he simply didn't want to see.

"A sore throat?" he asked as they both left the dining room. "Really?"

"I don't know what you mean," she replied, avoiding his gaze.

Daemon, however, watched her closely, and her reaction only confirmed his suspicion that something was wrong.

"I'm sure I have something for that," he said, nodding towards the corridor leading to the right. His look indicated he wouldn't take no for an answer. The girl followed him without a word. When they were in Daemon's chambers, the princess knew that lies were unnecessary. Her uncle must have seen through her at the table.

"So?" he asked, closing the door. "I'm all ears."

"I don't want to talk about it," she said, looking at him. The prince now saw even more clearly her puffy eyes from crying and her chapped lips. "Besides, it's nothing significant."

"Nothing significant, yet you wasted a night crying," he observed, pouring wine and offering her a goblet. She shook her head, so he took a sip himself.

The princess looked at him silently. She had no arguments. Daemon knew this perfectly well.

The young girl sighed, accepting her defeat. She lowered her gaze and unbuttoned a few buttons of her collar, which was fastened up to her chin. She parted the fabric to reveal her fair skin, marked by a thin, bloody cut.

Daemon took a sip from the goblet and set it down, approaching his niece. He pulled the fabric aside a bit more, looking at her neck.

"Care to share how you got that?"

"Aegon is a maniac who should be locked up in the Sept and treated," she said bitterly. "A drunk who thinks he's the lord of the world, to whom everyone must bow."

"So, I hope you taught him a lesson in humility?" he asked, moving to the table and picking up one of the ointments. He unscrewed it, returning to the girl and taking some on his finger.

"He has the same mark on his neck."

Daemon chuckled, shaking his head.

"You are impossible, I swear by the Seven," he scoffed, applying the ointment to the cut on her neck.

"They attacked Jace. I couldn't let that happen," she said, frowning. "Those fools think they can terrorize anyone they want. It's not true!"

The prince smiled, sitting down after a moment and taking the goblet in his hand.

"You defended Jacaerys?"

The young princess blushed and looked away. However, she nodded.

"Then it's clear," he answered, crossing his legs. "Aegon is jealous."

"He's a complete idiot!" she said angrily, pouring herself some wine. "Maybe I won't marry him after all, and what then? Maybe they'll find me another husband?"

"I'm afraid the decision has already been made, little bird," he said, looking at her. Her pale cheeks were flushed with embarrassment over her lover and anger at her brother.

"We're connected only by blood and name, nothing more," she cut bitterly, taking a sip of wine. "I will never love someone with such a hardened heart."

"Not like Jacaerys, right?" he asked, glancing at her. He was smiling, but it was a sad smile. All he could do was pity his niece.

"He's a good boy," she said, pressing the cool metal of the goblet to her lips. "His wife will be the happiest girl in Westeros."

This, however, could not be expected by Aegon's future wife. The young prince hadn't learned much from the previous night's events, as he refrained from drinking only at breakfast. But when only the maids remained in the dining room, he emptied almost half a jug of wine himself.

"Will you tell me what happened last night?" Aemond spoke from behind him, causing the elder brother to almost spill his wine. "I know you didn't go straight back to your room."

"Are you following me?" he looked at him nervously, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"I was checking if you could make it back to bed in your current state."

The maids, who were cleaning up after breakfast, glanced at each other out of the corners of their eyes. Aegon felt their gazes on him.

"Get out!" he shouted, gesturing for them to leave. Shortly after, the brothers were alone. Aegon sat heavily in one of the chairs and rubbed his face with his hands.

"I threatened her with a knife," he said quietly, feeling his confession burn his throat. "I threatened her with a knife while Helaena was asleep inches away."

He shook his head, reaching for the wine goblet. "If I had been more drunk, Helaena might have woken up in a bed full of blood with a corpse next to her."

Aemond only needed the first sentence from his brother. He took the goblet from his hand and threw it across the dining room. Aegon froze.

"This has to stop," Aemond said quietly and calmly, but sharply and firmly at the same time. "This has gone too far, Aegon."

The young prince rubbed his face with his hands and leaned on the armrests, pressing his joined fingers to his lips. His younger brother was right. He had crossed the line.

"You know I'm always on your side, but you threatened our sister," he shook his head. "I can't agree to something like that."

Aegon gritted his teeth and lowered his head. He felt tears in his eyes. He felt anger, regret, and guilt. But he wasn't angry at himself; he was angry at Jacaerys. He believed the fault lay with him, and if he hadn't been hitting on his sister, nothing would have happened.

"You're right," he sniffed. "I should kill that mongrel."

Aemond clenched his jaw. He didn't recognize the person before him. Had he been so blindly devoted to his brother all these years that he hadn't noticed what a monster he had become?

"You want to...kill him?" he asked, looking at him. He wanted to make sure he understood correctly.

Aegon nodded.

"It's all his fault!" he slammed his hands on the table. "If it weren't for him, none of this would have happened, and I wouldn't have raised a hand against that bitch!"

Aemond now saw before him not his beloved brother but a maniac wrapped in alcohol, hatred, and delusions. Tears were streaming down Aegon's face, but it was hard to tell their nature. Sorrow over hurting his sister? Anger? If so, at whom? At Jacaerys? At his sister? At himself?

However, Aegon wasn't the only one crying. In the doorway of the dining room stood their sister, who, drawn by the sound of the thrown goblet, had quietly peeked her head in. She had heard the entire conversation between her brothers and was devastated.

"You really are a monster," she said in a trembling voice. Two pairs of eyes turned towards her. Aegon hastily stood up, wanting to approach his sister, but Aemond firmly held him back, keeping him in place.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he sobbed, falling to his knees. Aemond still held him tightly, not wanting to let him do anything to their sister. Aegon was now unpredictable and had shown he posed a threat.

"Please, sweet sister!" he shouted, trying to free himself from Aemond's embrace "Please!"

The young princess took a step back, shaking her head and causing another cascade of tears to run down her cheeks. She couldn't believe what her brother had become.

Aegon fell at her feet, apologizing and begging for forgiveness, but she quickly left the dining room. She began heading towards Jacaerys' chambers, hoping to find the young prince there. However, he was busy searching for the girl just as she was.

They met by chance, bumping into each other on one of the staircases. Seeing her tear-streaked face, Jacaerys didn’t even have time to ask what had happened before she threw herself into his arms. He hugged her tightly, pressing her face to his chest.

“Hey, it’s alright,” he whispered, holding her close. ��I’m here, it's okay.”

“Take me away from here,” she managed through her tears. She didn’t have to ask twice.

Not long after, they left the castle walls, which seemed to suffocate her. It wasn’t until the cold wind dried the tears on her cheeks that she was able to breathe. They walked along the stone wall towards the beach, not saying a word. The young princess clung to her nephew’s arm, who glanced at her from time to time, sincerely worried.

When they reached the beach, they sat on a salt-worn log cast ashore by the sea. Jacaerys pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to the girl. She wiped her tears, staring at the waves angrily crashing against the shore. After a moment, she turned her gaze to the boy’s face, which looked at her with concern.

“Will you run away with me?” she asked, her voice filled with sorrow. “Far from here. Where the map doesn’t reach.”

The young prince smiled warmly at her and raised his hand, touching her tear-stained cheek and gently caressing it with his thumb.

“I haven’t been to the end of the map yet.”

The girl sniffed and lay down, resting her head on his lap. Jacaerys leaned down and kissed her cheek. He began to stroke her head, gently running his fingers through her hair. He wanted to ask what had happened when he found her crying. He wanted to ask if her mood at breakfast was really due to a sore throat. But he knew his questions were unnecessary and only thing that mattered was the comfort he could offer. The young princess gratefully accepted it.

She closed her eyes, listening to the whistle of the wind and the roar of the waves. After a while, the sound of the sea began to blend with the sound of the boy’s fingers gently moving through her hair. The girl’s bitter face took on a calm expression, and the tears on her cheeks dried. Jacaerys smiled softly to himself. He had calmed a dragon.

“Aegon threatened me with a knife,” the girl spoke after some time. Despite the heavy confession, her voice was calm. “He came to me at night, completely drunk, and tried to intimidate me.”

The young prince clenched his jaw, his whole body tensing. But he didn’t stop stroking her hair. The princess opened her eyes and turned her head away from the sea, fixing her gaze on him. A piece of her dress’s collar had shifted, and Jacaerys noticed the cut on her neck.

“I’m afraid to have someone like him as my husband.”

He cupped her face in his hand, leaning toward her.

“If you have fears, I’ll speak to the king myself,” he said calmly but firmly. “Either he will shake some sense into Aegon, or someone else will seek your hand.”

“No one will be brave enough, Jacaerys,” she shook her head, looking away. “They’ve already announced the news of the upcoming wedding to everyone.”

“I will be,” he said, capturing her violet eyes with his own. “I’m ready to fight for you, princess.”

The girl looked at him in shock, surprised by his words. She didn’t know what to say, but she knew what to do. She entwined her fingers in the prince’s dark curls and pulled him towards her, kissing him tenderly. She poured all the love she had inside into that kiss—a love that would never be given to the right person.

“And if they don’t want a fight, we’ll run away,” he continued, whispering into her lips.

“We’ll run away to where the map doesn’t reach.”

[buckys-little-belle]

Could you do a Bucky barns fic with a little reader who is really scared to ask for things? (No pressure ofc)

Bunny's Carrots

Bucky Barnes x Little!Reader (They/Them Pronouns Used)

Warnings - Reader is anxious when it comes to asking for things they want, Bucky's Winter Soldier past is mentioned vaguely, but the words "Murder, Kill, and Maim" are used in a sentence, Talks of reader eating carrots

Notes - This is short, and I don't know if I'm really happy with it, but I hope it's good and that y'all like it! <3

SFW - Please keep all interactions with this post, and this blog, SFW!

. ☆ . ☾ . ☆ . ☽ . ☆ . ☾ . ☆ . ☽ . ☆ .

Bucky got a payout from the legal team that was dealing with what was left of HYDRA. It was a big payout, one he felt guilty for. He had been the one to kill, hurt, maim, he had done the damage to so many people and yet he was getting "we're sorry" money. It felt wrong, and weird.

But when Y/n came into his life, the weight of the money became lighter. He no longer felt guilty spending the money when he spent it on you. In his mind the money wasn't a reward for following orders all those years, it was a reward for living long enough to find his Bunny.

So he often bought them things, cute magnets he found while out and about, sheets of stickers he thought they might like, and any time he passed a display that held some sort of bunny related item he laid down his debit card.

Y/n enjoyed the gifts, being spoiled was new for them, and they found ever gift to be meaningful because Bucky himself had picked it out.

But Bucky didn't like the way Y/n never asked for anything. They were happy to receive his gifts but they never asked for anything specific. He liked providing for them, but he wanted to make their dreams come true too, instead of just offloading new gifts on top of them.

"I'm off to the store, Bunny!" Bucky called from the foyer of his and Bunny's home. The home he bought for them so the two of them could have a safe space away from the city. "Do you want anything?" He asked. It was going to be a quick trip, just down the street to grab some bread for that night's dinner.

Bunny peaked their head out of the living room, a marker still in their hand from colouring. "No, I'm good, Daddy." They smiled, wandering over to him to give him a hug before he left.

"You're always "good", Bunny." Bucky sighed, pulling them in closer. "Is there a snack I can get you? Some new type of juice? Anything."

"I don' need anythin'." Y/n smiled up at him.

"I know you don't need anything, Bunny." He cooed, hand running over their head. "But do you want anything?"

"You always ask tha'." Bunny giggled.

"And you never seem to want anything." He countered.

"Jus' need you, and my Bunny, an tha's it!" They smiled.

"Bunny, what do you want from the store?" Bucky decided he wasn't going to back down this time. He needed to get his Bunny used to asking for what they wanted, he needed them to start asking for more than just their needs. "I'm not leaving until you think of something." He laid down the law.

"This unfair." Bunny pouted. "Don' need anythin'!" They began to show their unrest.

"No, you don't need, anything, but do you want something?" He asked again, not letting the subject drop.

"Maybe." Y/n shrugged their shoulders.

"What do you want?"

"Maybe som' carrots? To snack on when I colour?" They whispered. "Please?"

"Good job, Bunny." Bucky pulled them in for a big squeeze. "I'll get you some carrots at the store."

"Tha' was hard." Y/n pouted again.

"I know, Bunny." Bucky soothed, rubbing soft circles on their back. "But you did a good job asking for what you want." He laughed. "It'll get easier the more you do it."

"'m never doin' it again." Y/n huffed.

"We'll see about that." Bucky smiled, giving them a forehead kiss goodbye.

It had taken a year and a half for Bunny to ask for something they wanted, and he assumed it would be another few months before he could get them to ask again. But he was a patient man, who would help them work on vocalizing their wants.

He was proud of his Bunny, knowing it was hard for them to ask for a want, knowing they often struggled with putting themself first. But this showed great progress, and Bucky was excited to see them break out of their shell more and more. Thankful that they trusted him enough to let him push them out of their comfort zone.

Baby carrots, here he comes.

[writers-potion]

Hi! This is super specific but how would I introduce my main character with amnesia? It's so hard to write bc I want my book to be from her pov, but she can only get her name from outside sources. And the book starts off kinda traumatic

Writing a POV Character with Memory Problems

If your character is experiencing amnesia due to a traumatic event/accident, you can allude to it as "that day", "accident" or "event" early on and let your readers pick up on the pieces of memory that may come back to her or derive what happened from snippets of information provided by other characters.

Her are some ways you could introduce the main character in the opening scene:

Show her frustration at not being able to remember: When I woke up from a hospital bed, I didn't remember. What I was supposed to remember, I couldn't remember.

Let someone else call her name: "Susan!" A shrill voice said. Susan? Who's that, I wondered.

It can be a little retrospective: According to the stout woman crying next to my hospital bed, my name was Susan and she was my mother of twenty-one years.

Or, she can be in denial and lash out to those around her: "Look, just leave me alone! I want to go home!" "You are home!" someone screamed in the background. I swerved around to him, but I didn't know who he was.

If your main character has somewhat accepted the situation and is trying to get better, you can show how she develops new habits due to her amnesia, like taking excessive notes or trying to get her loved ones to tell her what happened because they can't talk about it in front of her.

You can choose to start off with a traumatic snippet of memory and show her thoughts slowly slipping into confusion as she realizes that she cannot remember much about herself: The dark, black shadow towered over me, choking and screaming. I vaguely sensed he was calling a name, my name, but panic seized me in a tight fist that I couldn't recall my own name. God, what was it? Who was I? Just as the man drove a knife into my left breast, my eyes snapped open to a clean, white ceiling.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* . ───

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💎Before you ask, check out my masterpost part 1 and part 2 

[james-is-here]

Babes, Okay, Cheat fic idea and guess what....I use my ex's actual name cause he was honestly a jerk on the brink of being a dick.

The plot twist is that this cheat fic is more like a revenge fic in a way cause- Well, just read it, it's better than explaining it 😅 the member I used is also a mystery and I gave Mn arm tats cause it's a weakness of mine.

Specifically for @succubus-hansol because filth. This smut is filthy and messy.

Blogs: @belladonna6-6-6 @heartbinn @leezanetheofficial @yongbokkk @michelle4eve @dontwannaexsist (Imk if I forgot you or you want to be added.

You were none the wiser about what your boyfriend was doing. You loved Shawn and he loved you, you trusted him and never saw him badly, he was the sweetest.

You didn't suspect the new cologne on him, the new hoodie, bruises, new necklaces, hiding his phone, elated attitude when he visited you, giving you vague answers when you ask where he's going....

Wait...

You didn't give him those things and his recent hiding from you is suspicious. How have you not looked into it sooner? Especially when he use to shrug when you took his phone, now he makes up excuses as to getting it out of your hand.

"Hey, where you going?" "Um...my mom needs my to help in her garden. I'll be back later." Okay, that's suspicious. "Isn't your car with your brother?" "Oh, I'm taking an uber." "Oh, okay. Love you!" You yell but he's already out the door. That's what tipped you off, first he was wearing an unbuttoned dress shirt and loose fitting slacks and boots. Second, he hates getting dirty, he doesn't do anything that gets him or his hands dirty.

When he came home hours later, he was tipsy, swaying everywhere and tripping over his feet before collapsing onto the couch and you watched from the dining table.

His phone ends up on the floor and you take the chance to check it. You two shouldn't hide things from each other but he does and you can't help but to listen to the devil on your shoulder, while your angel is trying to get you to trust Shawn but all you do is block it out.

You pick up his phone and unlock it, surprisingly it's the same passcode as always and yet he keeps it from you. Opening his app history, you see his messages and see that he's texting someone with the cliche contact name of "Doordash". Did he really think that you'd think the app itself was texting him?

Doordash: You just left and I already miss you 🥺

Doordash: When can we meet up again?

Doordash: I'm free tomorrow, wanna meet up at the convenience store next to my place?

Is he...seeing someone behind your back? Clearly this person doesn't know about you like you didn't know about him.

Scrolling through other messages, your chest tightens when you check a chat and realize that's it's yours and he fucking named you "Grubhub".

There's other contacts and fake names that haven't had any interactions in years, you and "Doordash" are the only ones minus his family members.

You pull out your phone and open your uber that you shared with him. Last ride on your account was surprisingly thirty minutes away. Closing out of the app and opening your contacts, you make a new one and save the "Doordash" number before going back to the other persons number.

After forever of texting Shawn, you know how to play the part.

You: Of course ❤️ I'm free as well, what time?

Doordash: Five okay with you? Wanna take you out before taking you to my bed. 😏

Damn, whoever this was is one smooth motherfucker.

You: Oh I can't wait 😩 See you then 😘

You delete the messages on your end then put the phone back with Shawn and leave yourself a reminder of what you just committed to.

What's shocking is you don't really feel hurt that he's been lying to you. Maybe a little but honestly you think you'll survive without Shawn.

When your reminder went off, Shawn was passed out in bed still. He woke up on the couch, hungover and in pain, so he was sleeping the previous night off.

"Mn, where you going?" He mumbled when he heard you digging through your closet. "Boss called me in for a little bit for a staff meeting and I need to pick up my paycheck. Won't be gone long." "Mmm okay." He hums as he stretches before settling and promptly passing out.

Leaving the bedroom with jeans and a grey t-shirt hoodie with the sleeves rolled up, showing the black ink chinese dragon wrapped around your right forearm and ivy vines wrapped around your left.

You grab a white cap and your keys, slipping on your shoes then heading out the door. The drive is short and you have to park across the street but looking around, you don't see anyone possibly looking for someone else until ten minutes after the set time.

A guy wearing all black walked to the door of the convenience store and leaned against the wall next to it, checking his phone and then turning his head back and forth, this has to be him.

Turning off your car, you get out quickly then cross the street, leaning on the other side of the door. You wait a couple minutes, glancing at him a couple times before the bell of the store rings. "Excuse me, you both are loitering. Either come in and get something or leave." The store owner scolds and you went to speak but the other spoke first. "Sorry, Ma'am, I'm just waiting for my boyfriend-" You quickly jump in, knowing she won't take that as an excuse. "No problem, Ma'am, we'll get out of your hair."

You give the other a tight lipped smile and walk over to him. "Sorry, come on." He surprisingly follows you to the side of the shop and you both find a bench. "Um, so why'd you do that? I was actually waiting for someone." "Sorry, again. Who were you waiting for?" "My boyfriend. His name is Shawn. I really should at least go back, at least nearby so he can find me."

He goes to stand but you stop him. "So you're Doordash?" "I- Excuse me?" Sighing, you rub your eyes and lean back. "Uh, okay...Shawn wasn't the one that messaged you to meet him here. It was me. He's also my boyfriend..." "What? No, Shawn wouldn't do that to me." "I thought the same thing. He told me last night he was going to help his mom in the garden." He sat up and looked at you almost in realization. "When he left my place he said he needed to get home to take care of his mom cause she was sick." "He came home tipsy last night." "We...We drank last night, how the fuck didn't I make that connection?" He berates himself and slouches back against the bench.

You both stare at the road ahead of you before you speak up. "Well...I'm Mn. What's your actually name Mister Doordash?" "Doordash?" You snicker at his confused face, thinking about it he is really cute. "Shawn named you Doordash in his phone. I was Grubhub." "That's so dumb." "That's what I said!" You laughed and a small smile graces his face. "I'm Chris or Chan. Guess it's...nice to meet you? I don't know." "I don't know either."

You both stare at the road again but you turn to look at Chan. He really did look cute, you guess Shawn can choose good men. He has a good looking face, fluffy hair peaking out of the beanie he wore, and you couldn't help but take in every detail, including how soft his lips looked, then you realized they were moving.

"Your ink looks cool." "Huh?" You blink, spaced out for a moment. "Your tats, they look really cool." "Oh, thanks." "So...Since we're both currently ghosting Shawn, wanna go get something to eat? It's better than sitting here and honestly I don't want to go home yet." You notice he's looking down at his fidgeting hands and glancing at your arms.

"Yeah, beats failing to try and get back at him and not coming up with anything." Honestly, since looking through his phone, the devil on your shoulder has taken the reins and you honestly wouldn't mind getting back at Shawn by using Chan.

"Can I be straight with you?" "Um, I think that'd still make you gay." You shake your head with a smirk as you laugh, throwing your head back. "Oh, you got jokes, huh?" He lets out a laugh and it's clear that the awkwardness is gone.

"I meant, smartass, can I be honest with you?" He giggles and nods. "Yeah." "We go get food, I pay, and then we get back at Shawn." "We?" You hum and stand up. "Food first, honestly I'm really hungry. I'll tell you then, yeah?" He sits up, looking up at you and then sighing and standing. "Yeah, okay. You will pay, right? Shawn makes me pay." "I always pay." "Okay then."

He actually takes you to Changbin's restaurant, his best friend. A homey bistro Chan helped him make a reality. "Who's this?" Changbin asked when Chan brought you to the bar in front of the open kitchen. "Funny story, actually. Mn, this is Changbin. Changbin, this is Mn, Shawn's boyfriend." Changbin choked on the water he was sipping and almost dropped his cup.

"You're joking." Chan sighs and sits down, you sitting next to him. "Nope. Apparently we were secrets, even in his phone." "Ooh, what were your names?" Changbin has heard of fast food contact names but has never heard it in person so he was eager to hear as he leaned on the bar in front of him. "Doordash." Chan answered and you followed with, "Grubhub."

Changbin grimaces and whistles lowly. "That's sucks. Anyways, whatcha want to eat?" Chan orders his and you get the same thing, not really sure what to get since his friend's menu looked really good.

When he delivered your food, Chan immediately started eating but you messed with your fries. "Hey, daydreamer, you okay?" Changbin teases when he returned from another customer. "Oh, yeah." "Thought you were super stunned by your food but you haven't even eaten anything." "Sorry, just never been cheated on and I feel like I should be upset. I mean I am but I also don't care." "People react differently. Honestly, if I was you I'd get revenge sex." Chan choked on his soda, couching and gasping and you reach over and pat his back.

"Ch-Changbin!" "What? That's just me." He holds his hands up in surrender. "I like you...funnily enough, I've actually been thinking the same thing." "Seriously?" Chan cleans up the soda he spilled and Changbin lowers his hands. "Yeah."

Chan didn't know how to answer, he just looked away and this time it was him staring at his fries. "Well, sleeping with other people wouldn't really be revenge but I guess-" "Dude, of course it's not revenge. I meant you and Mn. I-I mean if you want, y'know." Then he glances at you. "He's not bad looking, if you don't take him I will." You chuckle shyly while finally eating your fries. "Plus, you do have a thing for tat-" "Changbin! Please...I love you, mate, but shut up." "Dude, don't yell at me, you literally look like you brought him on a date."

He suddenly looks around, an older couple in a booth, a younger couple a couple seats down from you at the bar, and a teen on a laptop with headphones on at a table near the window. Looking at you, he smiles sheepishly. "Sorry." "It's okay. Also wouldn't mind getting revenge with you." "Really?" "Yeah." You smile, looking down at the counter, glancing at Chan's friend then back to Chan. "Shawn is good a picking the cute ones."

He sighs, a shy grin on his face as he rests his elbows on the counter and covers his face. "He flusters easily, doesn't he?" "He's usually confident and flirty, this is a first." "Oh really?" Changbin snickers when you lean over to Chan and he doesn't notice. "Chan?" He uncovers his face to look at Changbin but jumps when he sees your smirking face, dropping his hands onto the counter with a small slap as he leans away, hiding his smile in his shoulder as he completely blocks the two of you out.

"You both are jerks." You lean back to your seat with a soft chuckle and watch Chan straighten back up. "Are you serious though?" "I'm not usually one to sleep with people I just met but yeah, I am." Suddenly Changbin is harshly setting down his towel on the counter and leaving from behind the bar and coming over to Chan, pushing him out of his chair then pushing you out of yours.

"For two people who just met, there's a lot of tension so go take care of it, lunch is on me, go, go, go." "Wait, I said I'd pay though." "Don't fight with Changbin, if he says it's on him, it's on him, I've tried." Chan answers you as his friend shoves you out.

"Go, forget Shawn, have fun, I don't know." He pushes you out the door and then shrugs at the end of his sentence. "I swear, why am I friends with him?" "I heard that!" He yelled from the other side of the door.

Standing there awkwardly, you put your hands in your pockets and look down at the sidewalk. "Um, we don't have to at this moment...we could just watch a movie if that's okay." Maybe a movie could relax your nerves a little. "Yeah, that's okay." He smiles and steps away with you following, taking you to his place which is surprisingly a block away.

His apartment was cozy, not too many decorations but enough to show his personality and what he likes. "It not much but it's mine." is what he said when the both of you entered. "It's nice." You replied.

Now you sat on his couch, he sat cross legged on one side and you were stretched out on the other, arms crossed lazily on your stomach. It was a bit awkward, just sitting there in silence but it was okay.

Chan suddenly moved to sit closer to you and you glance at him from your peripheral. "How long had you been with Shawn?" "Mmm a year?" "Damn..." "What?" "He was with you before me. Six months." You shake your head, honestly astonished with this information.

Bringing up his knees, you saw his hand reach out to your leg before it stopped and his arm wrapped around his legs. Bringing a knee up, your thigh moved closer to him and you readjust, an arm going over the back of the couch, and he moved slowly to mess with the threads of your ripped jeans, turning his head only slightly but mostly hiding his face in his knees.

He slowly moves from the threads to the edge of the rip and then his fingers slip into the rips, fingers soft on the small exposure of your thigh.

Hesitantly, you take his hand into yours, just holding it but he tightens the hold slightly and pulls it towards him while crossing his legs and holding it in his lap, not even realizing he's practically encased himself with your arms in front of him and behind him.

His fingers are light while tracing over the head of your tattooed dragon, tracing its body and turning your arm to trace the lightning around its body. You stare at the side of his head, watching his eyes take in the details of the ink.

For a moment, you get lost in his beautiful features. You suddenly act on impulse, his hands moving from your arm when you raise your hand to his chin and turned him towards you. "You trapped yourself." You said softly and his eyes move around rapidly and suddenly realize where he is. "O-Oh, sorry." "You really do like people with ink, don't you?" "Yeah. I-I don't know why...just looks cool."

Tilting your head, you move forward and kiss his cheek, then his jaw, and when he doesn't pull away you move under his jaw, your kisses were soft and were barely there.

He inhaled sharply when you pressed your lips under his jaw, specifically under his ear, and you graze your teeth over the spot to get his reaction, a barely audible whine, before biting and sucking. Biting his lip, he lets out a soft moan and automatically tilts his head to give you more room and you move your hand from holding his chin to under the other side of his jaw and hold him where he was.

Attacking more of his neck, his noises were soft and held back as he kept his mouth shut, his hand moving to your knee, nails digging into your knees and causing a dull pain but your jeans lessen it.

Your hand moves to his thigh as you move back on the couch, getting closer and pulling his thigh towards you which makes the male move, uncrossing his legs and moving just as close.

Without thinking, your left hand still on the back of the couch moves to the back of his head, tangling your fingers into his hair then pull him back. That finally got a noise out of him, his lips parting and letting out a soft moan as he turns his head slightly towards you, lips still parted as his chest heaves out the soft pants he's panting out. His eyes wide and glancing at your lips, shining with spit from your recent attack.

You lean forward slowly, tilting your head and your lips barely touch before one of your phones is ringing. Pulling away, you look towards the sound and find your phone on the coffee table, Shawn's contact on the screen.

Looking back to Chan, he nods his head and you let go of his hair, leaning forward and picking your phone up before answering it bringing it to your ear at the same time Chan sits up, pushing you against the back of the couch and you watch as he throws his leg over your spread legs and sits on your lap.

"Oh-" "Mn? You okay, you've been gone for ages." You put the phone on speaker and hold it away from yourself as Chan places his left hand on your neck and his right on your bicep then leans into your neck, returning the marks that you gave him. "Ah~ Yeah, I'm okay, did you need something?" "No, just miss you. Thought it was just a staff meeting and getting your check?" "I-It was, boss kept me longer. He promoted me." "That's amazing!" That promotion was two weeks ago. "So you'll be home soon?" "Yeah, I should be. M-Mom asked me to stop and pick up dog food for Brexit." "Okay...Well, hurt back, yeah?" "I will." "Okay. See you soon, Mn." "You too, bye Shawn."

You hang up, tossing your phone onto the floor softly before placing your hands on Chan's thighs and turning to the left, laying him down and hovering above him between his legs. "You are braver than you look." "Thank you?" He asks with a laugh which made you smile.

"Now, can I continue what I was doing before I was interrupted?" "Yes. Please." Smiling, you lean down, barely touching his lips before you change your mind and lean up slightly, lifting your hand and thumbing his bottom lip, parting his lips further apart, his eyes locked on yours that are on his lips. "So obedient even though you just met me." His eyes flutter as he whines. You gently push his bottom lip back up so he closes mouth around your thumb and it's like automatic as he start sucking it. "How did Shawn get a hold of you? He hates being dominate."

He moans around your thumb when you push into his tongue then slip your thumb from his lips. "I-I'm m-more of a switch...but I haven't really, um, switched...guess I could only find subs so I never was one." "Well, now you can be."

Finally, you lean down and connect your lips, firm and absolutely certain that this is what you want cause when your lips connected with his full, soft ones and they parted easily for you, you didn't want to stop as you slipped your tongue in and swipe it along his, pulling a proper moan out of him and he sounds so good you can't help but groan in return.

His arms drape around your neck and pull you closer. In return, you act on impulse and lower yourself onto him and he moans again when your pelvis meets his, grinding your clothed growing hard-on into his.

Breaking apart for air, you move to his neck again and his back arches closer to you. "H-Hyung- Fuck, sorry." His hand flys to his mouth as you pick your head up. "So you have a thing for tatted older men?" "Am I wrong? I'm sorry." "I'm two years older than Shawn." "Same age as him..." Smiling, you kiss the corner of his mouth. "Then no, you're not wrong."

You lean back down, pressing your lips firmly to his before a ring tone goes off again. "Are you fucking serious?" You groan as you look up and grab Chan's phone, he takes it and answers but his hips still jolt up to meet yours. "Hey." "Chan! I'm bored~ Can we hang out?" "Um, one sec, can you call me back in a few minutes, I'm busy at the current moment." "Oh, yeah, sure." Chan hangs up, putting his phone on the table and pushing you off him to switch spots with him straddling your lap.

He pushes your shirt out of the way and drags his nails down your toned stomach before he comes to your belt, fingers fiddling with your buckle in fake struggle, fingers nudging into your bulge below the accessory as he pulls it apart, the buckle clinking against itself while he unbuttons your pants then slowly dragging down the zipper.

"Chan...Baby, go faster." You pant out before throwing your head back against the cushion when his hand palms you and opens your pants wider to fully hold you. Hissing at the sensation before huff out a moan and look back down at Chan's movements. "Fuck." "Baby make Hyung feel good?" He asked, his eyes wide and wanting as he bit his lip, humping into his own hand. "Yeah, baby. Shit, making hyung feel so good." His hand squeezes your bulge slightly before he lets go and pulls down your boxers.

Hissing at the cold air, you grip his thighs, attempting to pull him closer. "Hyung so...big...and heavy..." He purposefully lets some of his spit drip onto your tip as he begins to stroke you. "Baby, remember, Shawn's calling you back soon." "I know. You answer when he does and switch it to video call." "You crazy?" "For you? I am now. You think I'd let a guy and dick like you go?"

You chuckle as he scoots back on the couch, pulling your jeans further down to your knees and only pulls your boxers down to mid-thigh. "Gonna suck me off, Baby?"

His answer is taking your tip between his lips, tongue lapping at your pre-cum and swirling around your tip. "Fuck, so good." He takes more of you into his mouth, tongue moving rapidly on the underside of your cock, he moans as he pulls off of you with a 'pop' and exhales heavily as he strokes you, licking the underside of your cock. His actions all messy and sticky with saliva and pre.

His phone goes off again and you look over, grabbing it then looking back down to Chan who nods with a dazed smile and blown pupils. Answering it, you change it to video chat and point it at the ceiling before switching the camera to face the floor. "Chan? Why are you showing your floor, silly?"

He taps your thigh as he takes your cock down his throat and you groan as your head falls back, temporarily distracted as his warm, wet mouth takes you all the way in. "Ooh, you jerking off babe? Why didn't you call me sooner?"

You sigh out a moan, lifting your head then facing the phone towards Chan. "Wha- What the fuck, Chan?! You're cheating on me?!" You groan as he pulls up, his tongue sticking out as he reaches your tip and lets it rest on the pink muscle, his eyes blown wide and crossed slightly as he looks up at you. Your hand brushing through his hair, tangling in the strands and scratching his scalp, his eyes close as he moans. "Wait, Mn?! I recognize that tattoo, what the actual fuck?!"

"You cheated on us first..." Chan closes his mouth and starts bobbing his head, slurping and sucking, completely focused on your cock that he's become drunk on. "So don't go yelling at us." "This isn't fair." "What i-isn't fair is y-you cheating on me s-six months after we got together...a-and ch-cheating on Chan with me after that..." You get out through stuttery breaths as Chan's mouth felt so fucking good.

"W-We also know you were hiding us from each other. Doordash and G-Grubhub, really?" Chan gags on your length and gasps as he pulls back, jerking you off quickly as he rests your tip on his tongue again. "Fuck, Baby, go faster...gonna cum, baby, I'm so close." With your words, a moan, and a quick "Oh fuck!" You cum on his tongue as he keeps stroking you, humming at your release shooting into his mouth and when you finish, panting heavily, he licks your tip with the tip of his tongue before pulling back and shows his tongue mainly to you but Shawn was still yelling at the both of you.

He closes his mouth, swallowing your cum then sticking his tongue out to show you it's gone. You push yourself up, flipping the camera around before kissing Chan messily, tongues tangling together and you taste yourself on his tongue.

"We're done Shawn." You lean away from Chan and look at the phone, the younger male moving to leave marks on your neck as well. "Fuck both of you. This isn't fair." He hangs up and you laugh, tossing the phone away gently.

"Isn't fair, is he for real?" You think aloud before Chan is turning your head and kissing you again, moaning into your mouth as he moves back onto your lap and your hands hold his hips. "Hyung, please fuck me, I need you so bad." "Here or your room?" "Fuck me right here, please." "You can beg better, can't you?" "Hyung, please stuff me full. I-I need your cock, need it so bad, please Hyung, please." His his rut into yours, grinding his clothed erection onto yours, moaning freely.

"Baby so needy for his cunt to be full, huh? Only needy for me, right? You'll be mine from now on, right? Always want my cock stuffing you, keeping you full?" "Fuck, Hyung, please~" His moan morphs into a whine as his hips move faster.

You lay him down, sliding off your pants and boxers before pulling of Chan's sweats, finding him wearing only the sweats as his cock slips from the sweats and lays on his stomach, hard and leaking. "Commando, huh?" "I-I always was when I met up with him...now only for you." "Shit, you're so fucking cute." You toss his sweats next to your jeans before taking off your shirt.

"So hot..." His hands find your body as you hover over him and lick into his mouth. Your hand slips under his hoodie, hands smoothing over his skin and pushing up his hoodie. "W-Wait, I want to k-keep this on." "Okay." Your hand squeezes his peck before you move your fingers to pinch his nipple. "Ah~ Shi- S-Sensitive." He moans, arching his back and throwing his head back.

"I'm not removing it, just lifting it up." You say as you push the hoodie out of the way before leaning down and biting his tit. His hands, now covered by the sleeves of the hoodie, find your hair, gripping it when you move to bite and suck his nipple. His moans were music to your ears as you let go of his nipple and kiss up to his neck, biting and sucking under his ear.

"Hyung, please." He takes your cock into his hand, stroking you lazily. "I need to prep you though." "No, please." "Have you bottomed before?" He nods. "Please, I-I want...I need it, Please. I want the stretch...please, Hyung." He begs and you kiss him, your cock still covered in spit as you prop yourself up next to his hip, his legs folding next to your waist and spreading wider.

"Fuck." He wanted to watch but you are way bigger than he anticipated as you pushed yourself in, moving your hand to the side of his other hip. "Hngh~ Ah fuck~" His voice became higher, whinier as he lets out choked moans. "S'good, S'big. Hyungie s'big, ah~" He whines softly as he brings his hands up, clad with sweater paws as he hides his face.

"Yeah? Baby feel good? I haven't started fucking you and you're cock drunk. Has it been that long since you've been fucked?" "Y-Yes." "Then I will give you all I have." "Please, Hyung." "Don't worry, baby, I will."

You push yourself up, sitting back with your hands on his knees, holding him open. "Fuuuck Channie Baby...." Your left hand slides down his thighs and splayed itself on his toned stomach. "You look so fucking good. Such a good looking body, how did I not find you sooner?" Leaning back more only slightly, you gather quite a bit of saliva and let it fall off your tongue, landing on his hole and your length before you push in more.

Your right hand joins your left before holding his waist tightly and pushing forward at the same time you pull him towards you until you're finally all the way inside him. "Fuck~ S-S'full...S'big, fu-hgnh~" He squirms, body restless as he adjusts and his chest heaving heavily as it felt like the air was punched out of his lungs, his hands wanting to push him up to see but they let him go and his back arches.

You move your hands next to his head, mouth attaching to his and you swallow his moans, licking along his tongue, his teeth, the roof of his mouth. You claimed his mouth feverishly as you pull your hips back, leaning on your arm without pulling away to bring his leg up to his chest and hook it over your shoulder, leaning onto the other arm and bringing his other leg up and pushing it out.

"Hyung! Fuck, Fuck, right th-there!" "Already?" "Y-Yes, Yes, please move. Please fuck me, fuck...fuck me a-as if w-we d-didn't just meet each other, please." "Shit, you're gonna be the death of me now."

You push back in hard and he yelps, back arching the furthest so far as the moan he lets out is practically pornagrahic, you immediately thrust into him quick and hard, hitting his prostate dead on and drawing a moan with every harsh thrust into him.

"Fuck, you're so tight, Baby. So warm, so good. Such a good boy, practically letting a stranger fuck you." As he looks at you, his mouth is wide open, moans falling past his lips, and his eyes are blown wide and glassy with want, need, and lust. "M-Mn, F-Fu-uck, Hyung-" He gasps at the harsh thrust, your tip punching into his prostate. "I-I..." He whines, closing his eyes and looking away, covering his face with his right hand.

"You what, baby?" "I-I...I-I can't s-say it...just met you..." "We're w-well past that, Baby, just say it." "Fuck, I'm sorry...I-I l-love you, Hyung...I'm sorry." Leaning down, you give him a kiss, biting his bottom lip before letting it go and returning to hover over him. "It's okay, Baby. It's okay. I love you, too. Gonna take you out after this, screw Shawn, your mine n-now. G-Gonna treat you s-so well, g-gonna spoil my baby."

"Hyung, Fuck!" He arches into your chest, head thrown back. "Shit, don't stop, don't stop, faster, faster, AH FUCK!" Your hand wraps around his length, helping him closer to his high before he's cumming hard, shooting up to where his hoodie is bunched up on his chest and he squeezes hard around your length.

He whines in overstimulation as you keep thrusting into him. "Just a little longer, s'close, gonna fill you up, fuck it deep into your cunt." He clenches around you, making you moan softly at the feeling. "You like that? Wanna be bred? Want my cum deep inside you, have my babies?" He moans as his dick twitches slightly. "Fuck, gonna cum, fill you full, Shit~" You cum with a moan, groaning a moment later as you thrust into him deeply, barely moving your hips as he moans at the feeling of your warm seed fills him up.

"Don't...Don't pull out..." You chuckle tiredly, collapsing onto him with your face in his neck. "U-Unless you c-can carry me t-to m-my room, we're laying here." You gently let his legs go, moving your own legs in order to sit up and take him with you. He yelps in shock as your dick shifts but still stays inside him.

"Think you can lean back and grab your pants?" "No, I sleep naked." "Okay then." You grab his thighs and stand up, he wraps his arms around your neck, burying his face in the side of your neck and leaving small kisses before he nuzzles his nose into your neck, cuddling into your arms.

"Do you have a plug?" "I'm hugging it." He mutters and you physically have to stop and laugh. "That's not...Really?" He giggles as you enter his room, closing the door behind you then moving to sit on his bed. "No, hold on." He detaches himself from you and leans to his right slightly to the drawer of his nightstand and pulls out a plug.

"Want me to put it in?" "Obviously." You take the object from him and he places his hand on your shoulder as yours move to his ass, squeezing the soft skin and spread him before lifting him up, you slip out of him with a slight squelch noise then replace yourself with the toy. "Fuck..." "You okay?" He whines, shifting on your lap as your hands stay on his ass. "S'empty..." You chuckle, kissing his temple. "I'll get you a bigger toy so you'll always be full."

He pulls back, meeting your eyes. "Really? Y-You don't h-have to, I-I was just saying that stuff to...get off." "Were you really? I was serious, going to take you out tomorrow and spoil the hell out of you. Sounded like you were serious too, remember? Can't let a good guy and dick like me go." "I-I did...Shit..."

"Do you want to be something with me?" "I do. You're so much better than everyone else." "Then from now on you're my baby, my sweet baby boy, okay?" He nods shyly, leaning forward to hide his blushing face in your neck. "I'm your baby boy, Hyung. I..." He hesitates and you kiss his shoulder. "I love you, baby." He whines, tightening his hold around your neck. "Mmm...I love you too, Hyung."

Taking him with you, you lay down under his covers before covering you both up, he snuggles under his blankets and closer to you, wrapping his arms around your middle as he tucks himself under your chin, nose nuzzling at your neck and taking in your scent as your arms wrap around his shoulders and hug him close.

"Good night, Channie Baby."

"Good night, Mn-Hyung."

[maximumkillshot]

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Warnings: There are a lot with this one and it hits close to home. Mentions of S/A. The R word is used, sobbing, anxiety and mental episode. mentions of self harm, mentions victim blaming and slut shaming. MDNI. There is fluff spattered around.

Pairing: BangChanxReader

Characters: Bang Chan, Reader, mention of the person who S/A, people Slut Shaming and Victim Blaming. 

A/N:  Okay so this one is heavy. The things you are about to read have happened to me. I had a mental episode a while back. I wrote most of this during said episode. This is what I think Chan would do for his S/O if they went through and go through what I did. This blog has always been a safe space. I use my fictions to entertain as well as a platform to have safe conversations. If you need me as always I will hang around after drop.

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“YN?” Your husband called out to you. You couldn't hear him from the pressure of today. It created a seething pool of frustration and anger as you kneeled at the foot of the bed, wanting to pray, but now that you think about it the pain of being on the floor was a sweet torture in and of itself. 

Usually, anger like this wouldn't be a problem for you. You would go down to the basement and punch granite with your poorly taped hands, yes you were only a kid then, not knowing how else to get the anger out only stopping when you'd hear a crunch. Yes, that was the start of negative coping mechanisms, and yes you are trying to either bury that anger or let it consume you fast before Chris gets home. He's dealt with enough, we don't need to add on to it.  

Now you're no longer a child… as a matter of fact, you are now an adult, an adult with a hairpin trigger vaguely yet expertly disguised as comedic sarcasm. Depression that you don't remember not having… maybe when you were 8? You weren't sure. Not to mention a cast made of a myriad of physical and mental health issues…. Disabilities… and the cast of characters just keep growing! You have the medicine and the “coping techniques”, they called it, for success! Even those fail. 

Trying to talk it out just made you more angry, the injustice looking more and more ludicrous by the second. Okay, let's try breathing. Yeah no. That didn't work either, it just gave your brain more oxygen, so your brain went from quantum computer speed to Sonic the fucking Hedgehog. Oh… ok oh oh! Let's try soundboarding. You know, talk to people, not yourself. That ended in yet another game of useless catch phrases like “calm down” and “you shouldn't be thinking of that.” 

TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T FUCKING KNOW THANK YOU! Oh, and I almost forgot the “Your method of thought isn't changing because you don't want to change '' DO YOU THINK I AM POKED ALL DAY AND SAY TO MYSELF…

‘OH I WANT TO FEEL MORE LIKE SHIT… I KNOW LET ME RUN MY FACE INTO A BRICK WALL OF ANXIETY REPEATEDLY UNTIL I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF ANYMORE.’

You reverted to hurting the people around you due to your anger and frustration, plus you darkened the mood, you've always been a multitasker. My friends were right. I'm depressing, I was only kept around because of my ex. That was before they kicked me out… because they didn't want to believe he assaulted me. You go back to that night often… 

“I didn’t want to do that, I felt icky” You told him after he came back from cleaning himself up in the bathroom, while you were left to clean the traces of himself from your own mouth. No aftercare, no thought about you. The ghost of a boy who used you, who was an on and off friend of almost 10 years…

“I know.” he answered with no emotion.

“Then… why?” You asked, your head cocked to the side.

“Because I really wanted it.” He puts his hand on your shoulder, “But I’m sorry you feel that way. Shit now I feel bad.”

Then it switched to those friends, on another night… “ I just don’t buy it. That DID NOT HAPPEN, I know him better than you.”

“I mean you did it anyway so you must’ve wanted it.”

You tried to explain that you were assaulted, it’s called coercive consent and it’s the most common form of assault. You were raped. You didn’t want to do it and he knew that but you wanted to make him happy. You tried to explain, to educate. They weren’t having it.This conversation at times whirls in your head. Making you itch to pull a trigger, do something to make the torture stop.

“You always overreact and you’re so annoying why don’t you just go the fuck away!”

“You’re so depressing just fucking go away! We only tolerated you because you are his girlfriend, just go the fuck away!” The intent in her voice. The reality. You trusted her most out of the entire group. She helped you emotionally… Now shaming you, blaming you.

Her boyfriend rendered you speachless when you called it what it was, it was rape via coercive consent:

“Oh I get the kind of person you are, you’re the type of person who gets felt up in the middle of the night by their significant other because they’re trying to get laid and you call it rape.”

You know the right method to take now, right… Yeah you do.

Isolate… process… torture yourself…cry… alone. Contain the monster, so it doesn't hurt anyone else… You're just a monster parading as a human. Don't forget it. This happens when you forget Y/N… stop being reckless. Always so fucking reckless… 

You started clenching your hands one over the other, wanting to rake the top of your hands until they bled, trying to ground yourself. Until subconsciously, you did. You rocked as you did it, trying to soothe yourself.

Sometimes you swear people don't see you drowning right in front of their fucking eyes. You know how to swim, you know how to get out, to scream, punch, fight. You want to swim, you really do. But you can only do so much in a rip current. The lifeguard sees you. But instead of helping they yell “PADDLE! JUST PADDLE YOU'LL BE FINE!” It's a different level of patronization. It just makes you want to let the tides swallow you. Because why fight when the waters are so warm?

“Y/N?!” Chris yelled as he saw your bag tossed haphazardly on the couch, never where you put it. He stopped and listened carefully. He thought back to the last text you sent him. “Shit hit the fan at work …I don't want to feel right now. I'll see you at home.” 

That middle sentence made his heart stop. He knows you… something was up. He tried texting you back, sending words of encouragement, calling, and leaving cute messages when you didn't pick up, and nothing was heard from you. As soon as he could get away from schedules he did. When he looked at the clock you had sent that message three hours beforehand, he never raced home faster. 

He knows what your mind does to you. He sees the battles every day. When he’d compliment you and you would look down, not shy, but contradictory. When he’d pick you up you would freeze and he’d remind you that you aren’t too heavy, that he loves you in every single way that you think is impossible to love you. He’d always encourage you to wear what you want, do what you want. He would caress every single curve, never being able to keep his hands off of you. Whispering into your ear in public as he tilts your head up gently after asking for permission. He’d kiss you so delicately in front of a sea of people. On the red carpet, on stage, it didn’t matter. You were and are his person, and he loved showing you off. He couldn’t win the war in your mind for you, but he damn sure would fight those battles with you.

He would fight away those negative thoughts, he’d wrap his arms around you and sing to you to will those images, the anxiety and fear away. Until those thoughts were rendered useless. He’d wrestle with them for control, as soon as he won your mind back he gave it to you. He reminded you that you are here with him for a reason. He adores you, and nothing would change that. 

It was something he promised you when he saw you breakdown while doing your medicines. You told him that you were ashamed of it all. All the illnesses, that you weren’t perfect and that you’d understand if he didn’t want you. He looked at you and helped with your medicines, learned about each of them, and their dosages. He was so gentle, smiling at you, wiping your tears. He looked at all the medicines and said, anything that keeps you alive is nothing to be ashamed of. You aren’t something to be ashamed of. He knows that sometimes you can’t hear him until he’s right in your ear. Now looked like that case.

You couldn't hear him calling out to you, your mind too loud, too vicious, bloodthirsty. When pain and self-deprecation are your main moods, all others seem like an abnormal concept. Something that is stolen, was it even real in the first place? You know one thing that was real… Chris. You hated being this… the medications, the constant fires in your mind, the barrage of hate aimed at yourself, of unbridled strength turned inward to rip yourself apart for no reason other than things piling up. He didn't deserve that. He deserves peace, the best… just like what he demands of himself, perfection. 

You got through the gauntlet at your job. People undermining your authority, people on a power trip of their own. Sending others to try to intimidate, embarrass you into submission… as if you weren't a bloodthirsty wolf that could snap any second, biting their heads clean off. “An Alpha through and through,” that's what Chris would say, “Even Alphas have to bite their tongue, Love.” 

That made you cry more because at this point you don't even know if your tongue is still existent, or if you swallowed the damn thing after you bit it off. Or worse… you still have it… but you lost your voice. You know that can't be it, we're too fucking stubborn for that.

But the hits didn't stop coming, traffic happened, then going to the doctor who said that the physical therapy you needed would eat into your personal time, your time to write, to cook for Channie and the boys, to spend time with Channie and the boys.. then you forgot the doctors note so you had to walk back in for it. Then you had to go home while you tried to talk about everything… and well now here we are. 

Even now you try to problem solve, try to nitpick at yourself, the person he loves so much. You collapsed more on the floor of your shared bedroom, cross-legged thinking of the ocean, the violent, dangerous, tumultuous ocean… something simultaneously so beautiful and scary. You want to say you are like an ocean, but you don't see beauty in yourself, only a beast. That's all we'll ever be.

Chris freezes in the hallway hearing a sob break loose from you. He hadn't heard a sob like that before, it chilled his core. How does he approach this? He sees the doctor's note thrown next to your purse… He was happy you were approved for physical therapy, you really were in a lot of pain daily from the muscle and tendon weakness, but he looked at the times…

He looked to the hallway, “Oh…Baby Girl.” He had one piece of the puzzle. He knew you loved to cook for him and the boys but this schedule meant you couldn't do that for the foreseeable future. You enjoyed seeing the boys eating, and staying fueled, knowing without that they'd opt for less healthy options. Then he saw the paper right under it. A typed log… a leger of interactions throughout your day… “No…” 

Right there, in black and white, was what you went through today, everything down to the sarcastic smirk your coworker had as you were barraged with pressure to break the rules… and you didn't break. He never would've expected you to. You are the strongest person he knows. Even under these conditions, Chris himself would break. In front of fifty plus people being berated, pushed to do something you knew you couldn’t do. 

Right at the end of it was a line, written in plain ink by hand. “Vacation not given as described by supervisor. No week off.” With tear stains smudging the ink. 

Chris started walking down the hall to the shared bedroom. As he walked closer he heard you mumbling as you sobbed. Things like “stop crying” and “it's nothing.” But one made him freeze right before he opened the door, “Chris is going to worry. You already take too much from him, get it together so he won't worry. It’ll hurt him. Stop hurting the people you love. You’re a monster.”

That made his eyes sting, you were worried about him above all else. He slowly opened the door and you couldn't find it in you to look up. You knew who it was. The aura you know and love, like salve on the holes you ripped into yourself. The small steps were only weighed down by his sneakers as he slowly spoke. 

“Hey…Baby Girl?” The tone was even more soothing. We don't deserve that. “Can you look at me please?” You just shook your head. Too embarrassed at the shambling mess you are. The real you that you hide. 

Before you knew it you saw two big hands undoing the laces on his sneakers, shortly after he toed them off. Slowly he sat in front of you groaning “Oooooookay criss-cross applesauce it is…” making you smirk as you wiped your nose with the inside of the collar of your shirt. Finally, as he settled he said “aaaaaughh” with a big puff of air… 

You just tucked your head into your chest as you hid as much as you could. He waited for a few minutes, until he said, “We can address what happened in a few minutes. But you need to know. You don't take from me.” 

Your tears kept falling as you listened, his tone calming the raging currents in your mind.

He looked at the engagement and wedding band on your left hand. He watched the tears fall, he saw the holes in you. He wanted to lunge at you, take that emotional knife away from you, smother you in affection. Hold you, his heart burned for it. Needle and thread ready to patch you up. To heal you.

 He spoke softly, “You are my everything, Y/N. You aren't a burden, a disappointment, you aren't a chore, the only thing you took from me was my heart, but you had that before I even heard your voice. The second I saw you… I gave it to you. I don't want it back either.” 

You hiccuped breaths as you listened. He scooted a little closer and he put his hands out, palm up into your vision… asking for your hands. That was when you realized you were scratching at them again. 

You unfurled them from one another, hissing where one nail was slightly deeper, the tiny droplet of blood following soon after.

He looked at your hands, humming in the back of his throat, “One second.” He didn’t want to show it, but he was worried. You feel so much and he just wants to be there to hold you, to love you. 

Then popped up and left. He came back with a first aid kit, “Oooooookay heeaarr we goar again... criss-cross.” That made you giggle the tiniest bit. Chris always loved to hear your laugh. Your laugh is infectious and it always never fails to brighten his day. He knew he was making progress.

You couldn't see it but Chris was smirking at your tiny cute form. And hearing that little giggle made him want to channel Changbin and squeal at the cuteness overload. 

“Okay my Koala Bear… hands.” When you both had started dating, he noticed you always hung on to him. You explained that he was warm and you were always frozen, especially in the colder months. You asked if it was okay for you to hold on to him like that. Internally he was trying his best not to giggle like a school boy at the prospect of you holding on to him like this naturally. He looked at you and said, “It’s no problem, you just remind me of a Koala Bear, so cute and tiny. Can I call you that? My Koala Bear?” And you nodded blushing. Since then, you’ve been his Koala Bear. 

You presented your hands to him wincing at the stretch of the new scratches and he said “So tiny… so cute. Okay tiny sting” he cleaned the bigger scratch and put a bandage on it, and checked the rest. Once he deemed it all good to have your hands back. He kissed them then returned them to your lap. “Thank you for letting me clean them.” 

You nodded and hummed. The voices slowed down. They always slowed down around him. He always was your safe place. Like home base in a baseball game. If you made it there, you’re safe. You’re home. That thought made you sad, surprisingly. How are you safe with only one person? You should have security in yourself not in someone else. Your brain was waiting to start assaulting you again. 

“Is it loud in there?” Chris asked. You've told him about all of this before, this is the first time he's seen it this bad though. The voices, memories attack you. You explained to him that sometimes your brain will do this, you try to hold it back but sometimes it just can’t be helped.

“Mhmm”

“People don't help… right?”

“mhmm”

“Can you tell me what's going on in there?”

You told him. Some.. not all. You also told him about that pesky intrusive thought about your ex and your friends. 

His body went rigid as he said, “No… they're the ones that are wrong, not you. Your ex…” He wanted to choose his words carefully. He knew that you blame yourself at times. The memory of you explaining why you were hesitant to go further when you were dating. He assured you there was no pressure. That he loved you for you, the rage boiled in him and it still does because you were never at fault for this. Especially when you trusted that asshole enough to experiment with him. He was going to be your first for everything but after what he did. The trust was gone, rightfully so.

Chris continued, “He took advantage of you, and coerced you into consent, that is not love. That is not okay? That is sexual assault. The way that your friends acted was disgusting, the way he acted was sub-human… You are not depressing, you are one of the most beautiful, talented, funny, caring, loving people I have…” his voice gave out and he cleared his throat, “You are one of the most amazing people I've ever met in my life. I love you so much and I know you feel like you're a burden on me but being with you has been the most amazing thing I've ever experienced.”

He tilted your head up and you let him, he had tears in his eyes as he said, “You have never been nor will you ever be a monster.” Your tears picked up as you looked into his eyes. You could tell, Chris doesn’t lie. He’ll tell you the truth. His tears started falling as you leaned forward, reaching for him, needing contact. When you saw him you needed his warmth, you need him to heal you. You were losing hope, faith, everything as you watched the holes in you. Seeing him holding the needle and thread. By holding you, being with you, just being himself, it heals you. You whimpered, “Need you…” As your tears switched from self-hate to desperation… you needed him and he could tell. 

He untangled his legs and scooped you up, cradling you in his arms as he rocked you petting your hair back, “You are my inspiration, my eternal love, you are the best part of my past, my present, and my future. You are the future mother to my children, the woman I'm going to grow old with, my forever and always. You are my Y/N, and I am never going to let you forget who you are and why I love you, okay?” He started crying, shielding you in his chest, protecting you. Stitching you together as you heard his heartbeat. You cried on him, relieved that you were with him.

You pulled back from him nodding. He tried to kiss your lips but you said “I'm all snotty” and he giggled. Leave it to you to be worried about snotty kisses. You looked so adorable, cheeks and nose red, nose running, tears stopping, the twinkle coming back into your eyes as he looked at you. 

“Are you denying me my snotty kisses?” He giggled as he said “Okay fine. There's no snot on your forehead” he pecked your forehead, “none on your cheeks”, and laid another peck, this pattern continued for any expanse of skin he could get his lips on as you giggled at him and his barrage of affection. When he stopped he wiped your nose with his sleeve and he kissed you gently on the lips. He savored moments like this, being able to heal you, to pick you up. He looked into your eyes as he said, “now I am thinking I’ll draw up a bath for us and I’ll give you a nice massage. After that we order take away, from your favorite place, then we watch something, Hm?” He looked at you for an answer as he kept wiping tears.

You nodded and gently, he placed you back where you were and went to get the bath ready. You'll always have hard days, but those days turn into amazing nights with Chris. Your home.

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LIKE MY WRITING? WANT MORE? Tell me so! Want in on the tags?? Shoot me an ask and consider it done!

[tea-and-secrets]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to confess this, but I really need to get this out of my chest. Feel free to make a post redirecting me to another confessions blog if you'd like, in the meantime I'll just spit out what I wanna say. This will also be a long post, please excuse my ramblings.

on May of this year, a movie from A24 came out called "I Saw The TV Glow", a horror/drama film based on transness created by a transfemme individual. I didn't hear about it when it came out, I haven't seen any trailers or anything, but as soon as it started airing on local theaters on the US, everyone was talking about it. My TikTok FYP kept showing me dozens of videos of trans people crying after they watched the movie, how it was a beautiful touching and anxiety fueled movie that resonated with so many people from the trans community.

I was interested and my expectations were high, I like horror movies and I haven't seen many movies tackling on transgenderism. I told my partner (who doesn't label themself but they sure are every But cis) about the movie and they actually heard about it and was also interested. Since we're a super long distant couple (I live outside of the US while my partner is from there) we couldn't watch it on theaters, but we planned on watching it online at some point.

Well, that "some point" was a week ago. We got on call and watched the movie and... I was kinda disappointed. I didn't Hate the movie, I still think it was good and my partner thought the same, but we didn't see it as a amazing film like so many people were claiming. We both agreed it was a 7/10 movie with a great message, but in the end it was nothing special.

The confession comes from me feeling guilty about this. I feel bad for not liking this movie as much as a trans person compared to every other trans person that loved it. My partner and I read articles about it and even watched videos covering the ending that left us confused and unsatisfied. Later on I searched the movie tag here on Tumblr, and saw many posts of people (trans people) criticizing those who laughed at moments and questioned the movie and started picking it apart after the movie ended instead of staying in silence. I think that's kinda ridiculous considering that was our first reaction to the ending, but apparently everyone on the notes were agreeing with the original posters, even accusing those that did those as "ignorant cis people".

I'm sure people will say: "You didn't like it because you're not a trans woman/trans femme". And you're right about one part: I'm a transmasc non binary person, but that can't be the reason since I've seen trans men and transmascs enjoying and relating/resonating with the movie. "Well clearly You didn't have to hide your identity" I Have to hide my identity to so many of my family members. I can't even get the haircut that I want, I don't have the clothing that will make me feel like im dressing myself, I don't have access to top surgery or testosterone injections. I know who I am, I just can't fully be that person yet. "Maybe you didn't get the message and symbolism" I watched the movie Knowing the symbolism, people on TikTok weren't being really vague about it lol. It's about suppressing your gender identity, suppressing who you truly are and the dangers of doing so. Not transitioning can kill, and Has killed, so many people. No matter who you are or how old you are or where you live, there's still time. There's still time for you to dig out your suppressed identity and turn into your true self. I think the message is Beautiful and So Important, it's just Something in the Execution that didn't work for me, I can't even explain it.

I know that in the end it's not that deep, it's just a movie that a lot of people Love while I just mildly enjoyed. I just wish I cried and adored this movie like everyone else did, I wish I connected to this movie like everyone else did. Maybe one day I will not care about this anymore, but I don't know when this guilt will go away. Hopefully soon.

This is just a me issue btw, my partner feels fine with just finding the movie okay.

.

[ask-lovesick-au]

STATUS UPDATE

hello, mod here!

first off, i'd like to apologize for my ..absence.

i greatly overworked myself with this project and lost all interest surrounding it because of that. and if you follow my main- you know that i'm very bad with staying committed to bigger things like this. all of this stuff smushed together to make a rather unpleasant experience for me while running this. regardless, i probably shouldn't have left y'all in the dark, so i'm sorry

second, the story

this was a very... poorly put together story with many plot holes and cracks throughout. long story short, i dont like how i wrote the "scenes" and the characters, they were frankly dry and confusing.

the story didn't actually have a pre written direction on how it was supposed to go, it was all freestyled and resulted in a jumbled mess

(note: earth's storyline. i knew what i wanted to do with it but i never led into it, everything with her just ended up vague and gatekeepy)

third, the future of the blog

ive been planning for the past few months to restart ALL of this. redo everything and take more time sewing it together. some planned changes inculde;

-minor character design changes

-new infected designs

-character personalities and behaviors

-dialog

-clearer layout of the plex

-PLANNED arcs

there may be a whole new blog to take the place of this one. we're talking full restart. all new art too! maybe even *gasp* animatics!

so this might take a while, we just hope you'll stick along for the ride :)

[theheirofthesharingan]

I might be dumb, but I don't get why Sishui killed himself. I really don't think there was need for such drama. He left Itachi completely alone, he left a cryptic letter to the Uchiha that only made them distrust Itachi and he allowed Danzo to get away with stealing his eye. In the novel he was supposed to be poisoned (I guess they had to add some reason for such a extreme decision), but still, he could have tried to get medical attention, right? It just feels so silly. Sorry, Itachi, I failed. I don't know what else I can do so I will kill myself now to traumatize you so you get extra powers (anime only) and leave you alone in this mess.

Sorry for the rant. Nice blog, by the way!

I didn't think I'd live to see Shisui slander in my ask box one day.

But it is an interesting question and I've seen this discussed before as well.

Speaking of the novel, Shisui was going to die anyway whether he did or did not seek any medical help.

This is an excerpt from their last conversation. Shisui makes it abundantly clear that he's not going to live. So the little time he had left he used it to relay his final message to Itachi.

Now, in manga things are left vague, and like you said, the change in the novel could have been made to give his death more justification as well as more context. However, even without it, even if we remove the whole poison thing for a moment, Shisui's death still makes perfect sense.

We know Danzo took his eye, and things were already bad enough. If Shisui, instead of dying, went to the Uchiha district, the clan members would want to know what happened to his one eye. Shisui's MS was quite famous because one man in the Five Kage Summit arc and then Killer Bee mention him. It wouldn't be hard to zero in to Danzo or any Konoha leader, because you can't keep things like this hidden for long. In those circumstances, Itachi wouldn't come under suspicion for sure.

If Uchiha found out Shisui's MS had been taken by an enemy - a Konoha leader, no less - it would add fuel to the fire. Shisui was trying to stop the coup, not be the catalyst to an already delicate situation. Things would escalate quickly, resulting in everything he and Itachi were trying to stop.

If he died instead, Itachi would still have some time in his hand, and he could find a way. I think Shisui hoped Itachi would find a way, even if he didn't truly believe it himself.

But it all backfired, obviously. Itachi was left alone afterwards, and everything was too much. Danzo wanted them all dead. It wasn't Shisui's letter, but lack of support from his family, and especially Fugaku giving up on him eventually that things came to the point they did. Maybe if he still stayed in touch with his parents they could have been saved, because it was Danzo preying on a solitary child.

No worries about the rant and thank you. :)

[utilitycaster]

Hi! I left tumblr (and for different reasons, C3) like last year and I only pop on here like every once in a blue moon but since I didn't deactivate and still do technically follow you, just wanted to say hi and also I have no idea what's been going on in C3. I literally only watched Downfall and it was only cause of Brennan and then I peaced out of C3 again. I only vaguely know some things about the campaign and do not care about spoilers, so, I decided to read some of your meta without the context of watching the show. Bad idea? idk maybe. I liked your meta before, clearly, since i used to follow you. I know Imo/dna broke up and then got back together and I know you were one of the blogs who kind of said p critical things about the ship.

How do you feel about the ship now in comparison to how they were when they had their first kiss like 30+ episodes ago? Is the show, in your opinion, even worth getting back into? I got bored because it seemed like everything dragged on for forever but nothing was getting done. I mean things were getting done but it kind of just didn't have the same luster and shine of narrative pacing that C2 did. Sorry this is so long, I have many talents but brevity is not one of them.

Hi anon,

This is going to be brief as I got back from a weekend away and have a lot to catch up on this week and because I think a fairly quick browsing of my archives and notably my recent asks would give you a good sense of the details and nuances behind this answer but: roughly the same. No sense of history, very little chemistry, insufficient conflict, and entirely forgettable. Someone made a joke of "makes perfect sense; doesn't compel me though" and I think that's apt; it still feels like two people who basically got together because they were lonely and the other was there. There's no shape or arc to it and never was.

Also I should note they did not fully break up; they took a 24 hour break for an extremely interesting development that was then abruptly resolved mostly by Essek.

[lambilegs]

i honestly love your writing but the way you handled that whole mess left me with a really bad taste in my mouth about you :/ like i don’t know what was going through your head when you made all those angry aggressive vague posts that made you think that would be a helpful and mature way to handle a situation like this

especially in the longlegs fandom. it’s such a small fandom with so few writers and it honestly feels like you’re just trying to bully smaller creators out of the fandom, especially sending your followers to witch hunt people by saying things in the tags like “i’m not gonna mention anyone but you guys can go cross reference if you want”. you cant own an idea or a headcanon. any headcanons that i saw on other accounts about lee were so broad and honestly characterisations of her that i feel most people see for her. it’s actually insane that you blew up like that over someone having the same opinion about a character as you?

also the vague posting comes across really shitty when there are so few writers in the LL fandom. like it was easy to see who you were talking about. there is only one other active writer for lee harker on tumblr. if you really wanted to confront someone over something like that then you should’ve sent them a dm.

and you saying that you weren’t actually talking about longlegs writers after that fact honestly feels like you’re just backtracking on your words for damage control. and if you’re not just backtracking, you cant publicly confront someone like that without being clear on who you’re talking about. i really like your blog and i’m not trying to attack you but it just feels really unjustified and immature. imagine how you’d feel if you were a smaller writer just starting out and the biggest writer in the fandom made all those posts that were clearly about you. you’d probably be shitting yourself.

these are screenshots of my chat w my gf -- yes, the pissed off, aggressive posts WERE about a sevika fic, and not a lee writer. and I clarified this, like, an hour or two after making those angry posts, and apologized to lee writers for any panic they may have cased. I made several posts confirming that those angry posts I made, the two that came after my pinned, were not about lee writers. you said that if I'm not backtracking, I should be clear on who I'm talking about? I mentioned in two separate posts that the anger-induced posts weren't about any lee writer.

the reason I told people they could cross reference was because I was trying to tell people that I didn't want them coming to me asking who it is. I meant that they could figure it out, dig if they wanted, but I wouldn't be entertaining questions if they came forwards to me. because, no, I truly wasn't pissed off at a lee writer, nor accusing any of them of intentionally stealing. I understand how it came off as urging people to do a witch hunt, though, so I am really sorry to any lee writers who felt like I was encouraging that. but, it wasn't my intention, I was just trying to tell my followers that I didn't want any hand in helping them figure out anything. especially because, for the umpteenth time, the post was literally never about an individual writer in the longlegs fandom. I write for two fandoms, and this discomfort was something I felt for a while, several weeks, but only posted about yesterday due to a sevika fic.

and no, it's not me just getting mad at other people for sharing broad opinions or characterizations. I would never get mad about something like that, and I literally got advice from four friends before making my first post to hear what they think, all of whom agreed I should make a psa because they felt it was needed. and, no, I'm not going to disprove this accusation with details, because again, I'm not even mad at any lee writers. the first post I made was never meant to be a call out towards anyone, because like I said, I acknowledge how accidents can happen, and as I have said again and again, it was never about an individual writer like, literally none of this was to bash any lee writers -- I simply posted that first post just to clarify how I'd like things to be handled in the future. I've literally been advocating for and encouraging all lee writers since the get go, I'm always happy to see them. and I have been talking to people in my personal life about wanting more lee writers for ages, and whenever a new one has shown up, I've always shown unadulterated support. I've never, ever wanted to bully someone from this fandom. I literally always invite people to expand on headcanons with me, and I love that sense of community. like, this is not me getting mad at stuff like, oh, I said sevika is a dom so I'm mad someone else said she's a dom. like, I specified multiple times I'd never get upset about someone just also writing a broad idea of mine.

and, actually, you're wrong. the post was not about an individual writer. this problem is one I expressed because I have dealt with different capacities of this discomfort since september. I only published the final post yesterday because of a sevika fic I found in the morning. sevika. there are also several lee writers I've seen active in the tag, I never would've made any post if there was only one other person in the community bc I'd never wanted someone to feel targeted. and again, the post I made in the first place was not meant to be calling out any particular person. especially because there's no lee writer who I was angry with when posting yesterday, bc I was aware of how misunderstandings can occur in this kind of situation, absent of malicious intent. like, I just wanted to clarify how I'd like my hcs to be handled in the future. like I said multiple times, I get how writers get influenced by each other and may include each other's stuff, so I just wanted to be clear on my boundaries. any angry, spiteful posts I made were due to a sevika fic that was blatantly copying me. and the very first post I published was published after I saw said fic. so, like, actually, you saying it's obvious who I'm talking about in the lee fandom is wrong. because the post was never directed at one individual in the lee fandom. it's meant to be a psa, not a callout. and the reason it's "vague" as you say is because the post was just meant to clarify how I'd like things done in the future and was never about one writer. again, this is just me setting my boundaries after feeling uncomfortable in different instances over a span of time and just wanting to make my boundaries clear for myself and anyone else in the future. which I've already mentioned 3-4 times. every other post besides the two angry ones (which, again, were due to a sevika writer) have been civil and literally acknowledge how there's no hard feelings, I just want my hcs handled differently in the future. and that's bullying?

thank you for the support you've given me, but I do not appreciate you telling me what my intentions, feelings and experiences are. you don't live in my mind, and you're actually incorrect about several accusations in here. my posts were never about an individual lee writer. the post was published after I saw a sevika fic copying my work. the post was aroused by me having wanted to establish my boundaries for several weeks in a row now. weeks -- as in, me wanting to post about this has been something I've been debating over for a while just to make things clear. no, I'm not mad at any lee writer, nor wanna dissuade any from publishing. the angry posts were about a sevika fic. whereas any posts currently tagged with "lee x reader" were just me kindly and gently setting my boundaries for future use.

also, I don't think you realize how hurtful this is for me either. this isn't a big fandom, you're right. and I've been working my ass off to write for lee and post about her so that her subsection of the community doesn't dwindle. I've literally had long conversations with friends and my gf about how I've felt so incredibly lonely in the past because I feel sometimes like maybe me posting wouldn't make a difference to anyone in this fandom. and writing is hard work, too. if you were in my place, you, too, would feel hurt. for you to use my place in the lee fandom, one that I only have because I've been working so hard everyday to try to make a community here, as reason to say I can't establish my boundaries without being seen as a bully is mind-boggling to me. every writer has the right to set boundaries for how they like their work to be used and considered. me doing that in a small fandom doesn't mean I was bashing or targeting a certain writer. because I literally wasn't, the post wasn't about a specific writer. I have two posts about this tagged under lee -- the first psa I made about how I'd like things handled in the future, which is simply tagged w both fandoms I'm in. and another post clarifying my angered posts were sparked from a sevika fic, and not a lee writer. you say I'm the biggest writer in the lee community, but have you ever even thought once how it would feel to be in the position of working so hard to write for this fandom, make a community, then have several instances over a span of time with feeling uncomfortable, and in some cases, having my post blatantly copied? no, you didn't. I don't think you realize how much pain it causes me to work so hard on my writing, deal with all this, then set my boundaries, and have people put words in my mouth.

since apparently my word doesn't mean anything. "posts that were clearly about [this writer]" -> except they're not. none of these posts were about a singular individual.

thanks for your support up until this point, and I'm sorry this has all left a sour taste in your mouth. but, your selectiveness in choosing, ignoring, then wholly misrepresenting my words has left as much of a bitter taste in mine. so, thank you for the support up until now, but I won't respond to anymore accusations or straight up mischaracterization like this.

[snailsgoingdowntown]

Ruth x maid! Fem! Reader

Ruth is 30 and reader is 24, 6 year age gap cuz I'm turning 23 this year but I think Ruth is supposed to be in his early to mid thirties so I'm being kinda Self-indulent (I didn't want to make the gap 7 years so... Yeah, upped the age).

Not the actual fic that will come out, just a drabble that I came up with

Warnings: slight self-conscious on Ruth's side

Nsfw warnings: fingering, oral (f receiving)

Minors, ageless blogs that barely have anything, dni or you get blocked.

This blog contains/interacts/creates dark content, dni if you are uncomfortable with that.

No tag list for this cuz I'm on the road + I wrote it down on a sheet of paper I left at home.

--

I think Ruth would absolutely have a low sex drive. He just doesn't look like someone who thinks about it often, much less have the urge. I am 100% sure he's a virgin cuz like, look at him. He doesn't know how to rizz ppl up nor does he want to unless it benefits him (having maxi help with making the magical devices, but that was more peer pressure than actual rizz).

I'm just saying, Ruth would be kinda hopeless with asking out the reader, not because he's cluelese (probably seen Gable and the others pick up chicks, so has a vague idea of what and what not to do + can see how unbalanced maxi's relationship with Riftan is. He literally told him to calm down with his antics once, but thats about it if I remember correctly) but because he's just so... Blunt that it comes off as rude.

Maxi literally thinks that in the webtoon when her maid slams his drink down on the table instead of placing it down gently like she did with maxi's cup.

But anyway, I just imagine Ruth as the type of guy who at first, tries to ignore the developing feelings he has for you, and it works, but it gets harder and harder when you smile at him like that, when you return his playful banter and don't get offended at his tone and choice of words. When you don't overstep his boundaries, attempt to get to know him, his likes and dislikes, interests, how you want to learn about magic and you listen to his lectures, hell sometimes he even invites you to sit along with maxi as he goes about teaching her (only if the lady of the castle is comfortable, of course, which she will be after a while cuz I said so).

The way your face lights up in awe and wonder whenever he performs a spell or summons fire from the tip of his fingertips. The very eyes that tend to glance at his lips, and he pretends he doesn't notice. Your hands that are a bit rough from washing clothes, helping in the kitchen, cold water stinging and numbing them when you scrub the castle floors, are the very hands he wants to hold, and sometimes late at night, he imagines them pulling and tugging at his hair as you lean against 'his' table or even the library wall, and fuck if he actually had enough room to use in his tower, he would, his mouth latched onto your clit and fingers pumping in and out of your sloppy cunt -

It's not very often he gets thoughts like that, but when he does, he gets harder than riftan gets with the knights and their training.

He doesn't comment on your efforts to keep the library tidy, organizing his books and research papers to where the place looks presentable, at least. But he shows his appreciation through small favors in return - helps you with the cleaning if times allows for it, showing you flashy yet small spells that don't affect the area or people around (riftan would quite literally kill him if they did), gulping down his embarrassment as he massages your shoulders, ignoring the way you were just a bit too squimish, or how flustered you would get but accept his offer regardless.

It's not even a sexual thing, it just makes him want to wrap his arms around you, take in your scent, confess and just enjoy a simple life with you -

It's not really possible. He's just incapable of showing clear romantic intentions and affections. He's not husband material and he doesn't want kids, and he's very iffy about weddings and marriage in general when it concerns him. Besides, he's older than you, and while age gaps are common, he thinks it'd be better if you were to settle down with someone your own age. Because someone your own age would understand you better, give you children, marry you without worry.

You deserve a loving, caring husband, one who would hug and kiss you, make love to you, respects you, who isn't afraid or uncomfortable with physical affection, and doesn't have a rather bad reputation around the castle because of his personality.

So, when your hands clutch at his shirt, tilting your chin up, mouth pressing against his, he should stop you. He should stop instead of loosely wrapping one arm around your waist, bringing you closer, moving his mouth against yours. He should stop instead of clumsily bumping teeth with you, humming in content as you sigh into the kiss.

He should stop instead of going in for another kiss once you part, finally understanding what makes riftan so crazy about physical affection.

He should stop, but he doesn't.

He can't nor does he want to.

[ingravinoveritas]

Why do I feel like this post just got personal and going in for the attack like she did for the radio one on twitter I'm not shocked or surprised by this cos the behaviour is getting more stranger and nasty and a fan on twitter shared this on her page saying we got ur bk u got a whole army behind u. I'm sorry what army and I'm sure if they spilt the fans wouldn't be behind her them they literally making it worst

What do u think ?

So, I saw/got a whole bunch of DMs over this Insta story this morning, but didn't have a chance to talk about it until now.

My first thought was that this was almost certainly in response to the negative reviews and backlash coming out for The Way in the wake of episode 3. The two biggest culprits in terms of media outlets seem to be the Daily Mail (Fail) and the Telegraph, and while I won't link to them here because I don't want to give either site any traffic, both reviews can easily be found via a Google search. Adding to those were a stream of vicious comments, both in the comments sections on the respective websites and on social media, largely from what seem to be right-wing/leaning accounts and public figures.

Knowing that, it made me think that Michael had to have been aware of what the potential reaction to the show could be. We know he was, actually, because he's talked about it in several interviews over the past few weeks, such as this one. And I think with Michael being who he is, he would be entirely amused at knowing he has pissed off exactly the right people. So while I could certainly see him in private having a reaction like the one in AL's story--more than understandably so, given how nasty some of the reviews and comments were--that doesn't necessarily mean it's a good reaction to have publicly. And I think Michael knows that, too.

What also adds to the disconnect for me is that a few hours later, an article that Michael had written as a rebuttal came out in the New Statesman:

What Michael wrote is a brilliant repudiation of remarks made by a Tory MP--a piece that is intelligent, snarky, direct yet unfailingly eloquent. It wasn't just Michael defending his show, but using it (and Nye) to make a point, to make clear what he believes in, and to stand for the truth. And in much the same way that Michael's acting and oratory skills elevate any piece of work he performs, his writing conveyed that same depth, and it came across as effortless as everything else he does.

Which again left me with that feeling of disconnect when looking at Michael's article side-by-side with Anna's Insta story. It's not even that I disagree with her in this instance, as I do think the reviews were unduly harsh and devolved entirely too quickly into personal attacks in the comments. It's that when it comes to acting/directing, criticisms are part of the job, and whether she intended it or not, an Insta story like AL's conveys a sense of unprofessionalism. And when you put it next to Michael's writing, it looks more like a teenager throwing a fit instead of an adult giving a fierce clapback, which again probably was her intention.

Also keep in mind that everything I just wrote is predicated on the idea that someone seeing this story knows what AL is talking about. But I have to wonder how readily apparent it was, because it's so vague that it would probably be difficult for most people to suss out what she is referencing. So it's confusing to me that she is seemingly charging to Michael's defense...but without actually saying his name or the name of the show. Again, it feels like there is a disconnect/sharp contrast between Anna vague-blogging and how specific and incisive Michael was in that article, and it seems like they're not even close to being on the same page.

Those are my thoughts on Anna's Insta story from this morning. It's definitely a fair bit of whiplash, especially given the drastically different tone of her last few recent posts. But I'm interested as always to hear from my followers with your take, regardless of whether you agree or disagree. Thank you for writing in! x

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

omg I want to know, how were the Napoleon Queer Wars of 2014 like?? 😬

oh lord lol

It's been almost ten years and I still get weird YIKES reaction in my skin when I think about it, or when people in the current Napoleonic corner act a bit like the people from back then. Which is a me issue, and not anyone else's problem. But it is why I don't really engage with anyone from the Napoleonic side of tumblr anymore - too many bad memories and bad taste in my mouth.

Essentially, someone posted the (in)famous Cronin quote re: Napoleon telling Coulaincourt about the Feelings He Gets When Looking At Someone Handsome Friend Shaped. They speculated about queer* implications of this.

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*necessary disclaimer about modern concepts of sexuality not being applicable to the past yadda yadda yadda. I'm using short hand here, folks. No one needs to jump down my throat.

--

A bunch of the Very Serious History Blogs(tm) came down hard on them being like "you're a fool, absolutely not, Napoleon was Straight(tm)". Someone else replied being like "Well what about That Letter from N to Josie concerning a Certain Tsar of Russia?"

I forget how That Letter was explained away, but it was.

Some name calling nonsense and really aggresive replies where bandied back and forth. People were passive aggresive and mean. People ignored each other then wrote vagueing posts about it. The usual damned foolishness you would expect.

Then someone else referenced that one book whose whole thesis is basically Napoleon was Probably Bi. The book, I will say, isn't great. I'd never recommend it. But it was floating around in the 2014/15 world of Napoleonic Tumblr.

And oh man was the person who suggested it torn to shreds. Eviscerated. It was like watching a train wreck and the by standers decided to lock the doors of the train and not let the passengers off while everything burned.

There were weird spin-off dramas from this nonsense where people got into whether or not being interested in Napoleon made you a war crime sympathizer. (Some things never change on this webbed site.) Messy, messy. Also, utterly dumb.

Anyway - it ended up weirdly boiling down to two sides: Are You A Serious Historian/Take History Seriously(tm) Therefore Anti-Napoleon Possibly Being Something Like Queer Even If Never Acted On versus People Having Fun(tm) on the Internet Who Now Have Their Backs Up and Are Responding Perhaps Unwisely.

There was a third party, which I was part of at that time** (no longer, since I left academia), which was the "We Do Real History As A Day Job, Because We Are In Academia, but Lol Like Hell Would I Think to do Serious History on the Blue Hell Site. I'm Present for Shits and Giggles and Idle Speculation and Chats. Nothing Here is Serious. Everyone Needs To Calm Down and Take Themselves Way Less Seriously." We were a small contingent, to say the least.

--

**this is not to say I didn't walk away with egg on my face. Because I did. My comportment wasn't great and it's something I've been trying to be better about ever since.

It's not a time I think anyone save like four Napoleonic-interested blogs can look back on without blame.

--

But yeah - it was a real bad time on here. People were called names and cruel, cruel messages were sent to various and sundry by various and sundry. People deactivated over it. Friendships were literally torched because of it. There was a lot of issues with: "What Is Tone When Jumping On Someone's Post?? We don't know how to gauge it! Are you being mean? Are you being helpful? Who knows!! But you sounded aggresive in your add on and so I had better respond aggressively as well."

All because some people took themselves too seriously and because other people were stupidly mean about something dumb.

If I sometimes come in really strong with five million disclaimers in my napoleon asks/responses, even just the silly, purely speculative ones that no one sensible expects Real Serious History to result from - questions that clearly fall into the camp of shit a friend would ask you at the bar after four pints - things like: "was he queer? do you think he had add/adhd? what do you speculate were mental health issues he may have had?" etc. it's because of this year/year-and-a-half shit show. (And my disclaimers don't always serve their purpose because this is, after all, the Piss on the Poor website and people lack attention to detail when reading. [That said, I'm just as guilty of it as well, so can't point too many fingers.])

anyway, the long and short is that MAN people were very anti-any idea that there might have been an iota of what we would term queerness in Napoleon. And MAN no one can be normal on this site about anything so of course there was unnecessary drama and hurt feelings and bitterness.

May we never repeat this stupid time.

[crychaoss]

q!Foolish lore - GRANDMA'S ROOM

The first message - Found by Cellbit on June 15th

Foolish left only a book in the chest

the binary code translates to "ABUELA", which means grandma in spanish, and the coordinates lead to Bad's base (Foolish wanted Cellbit to think that Bad had something to do with the Federation)

this was made on stream and was actually just a prank to see when would Cellbit find the room

The second message - Found by Cellbit on July 17th

Foolish wanted to prank Cellbit so he played the disc "11" while he was hiding in the castle, this led to Cellbit going in the secret room trying to find where the noise is coming from, but found the keycard instead.

Foolish got this card when him and the others first penetrated the Cucurucho hallways and the area became unprotected (this keycard was found in a box next to the first door in the hallway, so Foolish just took it)

Later that day Foolish told Cellbit that he was the one pranking with the sounds and the keycard is actually useless

The third message - Found by Cellbit on July 17th

Foolish left Richarlyson's head in the chest shortly after the previous message. Cellbit found this because Foolish told him that day that he might find something else in the chest too

The fourth message - Was never found by Cellbit

Foolish wrote this on the day of Mr. Mustard's disappearance

We never saw Cellbit finding this on stream, and we don't know if he ever found it off stream either, but Foolish translated it to spanish and included it in the fifth message (not the exact message but something really similar)

The fifth message - Found by Cellbit on August 5th

This message was actually found by Roier first, on August 4th, but he left it in the chest because he knew it was for Cellbit, not him.

This is the first message that was done off stream. Foolish left a book and a gun in the chest.

The translation of the book:

I hope this finds the right person... Hide it for now, be careful who you tell about this. 7 space 27. Nobody suspects a thing. 🖕. This is a huge middle finger... stupid. No significant meaning, just for fun :D. 3000 sky 0. Someone could find this first

The binary translation is "7 space 27" or 7/27, which is also the date Foolish arrested Pac and Mike

at the coordinates Cellbit found a staircase leading to the sky, at the top was a sign which read "we are humans, not fish."

i made a whole blog about what this quote means, you can read it here. Cellbit didn't know the quote had a deeper meaning so he just left the place without thinking about it further.

The sixth message - Found by Cellbit on September 1th

Second message done off stream. We saw this book on Foolish's stream on August 10th, when he checked if it was still in the chest or not, and it was. He didn't open the book tho, and no items were next to it.

On August 24th during Foolish's stream, we could see that the book is still in the chest

On September first Foolish, Cellbit, Mouse, Jaiden and Richas went into grandma's room and Cellbit opened the book finally, but it was the same as the fifth message. We don't know if Cellbit put the same book back in it's place or Foolish made an exact copy and put it in the chest again.

Cellbit told the girls that the puzzle in that book led to some stupid sign and Foolish told Cellbit that it's actually a quote but didn't say where or whom it's from. He also said that the puzzle "Actually has some real meaning, but some are very vague, that it's almost stupid to figure out". Cellbit asked him "So I didn't finish the puzzle?" and Foolish's answer was "Not exactly"

[yooniesim]

(Answer to another ask under the cut- tw in the tags)

Nonny, I appreciate your level-headed and polite ask, but I'm getting a little tired of my words being twisted. If I had, I don't know, screenshots of him directly asking minors for nudes or something- don't you think I would have led with that? I would have directly called him a predator if I saw something like that. Check my post again.

The proof of the incidents I was uncomfortable with are in the post. Some things are not included, but it's not something like that- more examples of other bad behavior, microaggressions (ableism, racism, transmisogyny), scamming patreon commissions, etc that didn't seem appropriate to include alongside this main issue. People have repeatedly made this into a different accusation- that I'm saying he's without a doubt had some sexual encounter with minors directly, and an irl sexual predator because he has a fetish for fictional japanese children- in order to discredit what my actual issues were. I knew that's exactly what he would do in order to avoid actually addressing what the problem was, and that's sadly what he did.

I know that, online, everyone wants things to be wrapped up and neat with a little bow. There's always absolute proof of innocence or proof of guilt and nothing in between. But sometimes we don't have that. In reality (especially in this day and age), people work in plausible deniability and dogwhistles, and sometimes we have to use our context clues. After all, not every person that consumes that certain type of content is a predator, and I cannot say whether he is or isn't. The part that set off the alarm bells in my head was his *surrounding behavior*.

Being a little hurt because you were banned from a server for your fetishes is probably normal. Harassing the people that banned you even when they did it silently, for weeks on end, is not normal. (Because he lied btw- he was not vagued about when banned, he was ranting for two weeks before I even mentioned him.) Being extremely angry at people for creating boundaries with you is not normal. Telling them to kill themselves because they said they banned you because they're uncomfortable with you putting minor sims in sexual poses is not normal. Things like that add up in people's minds, and when you pay attention, it becomes more unnerving.

His behavior told me, repeatedly, that he doesn't respect boundaries or really know how to make them. Thinking the discord roles were okay, for example, and claiming his blog has always been 18+, yet allowing minors into his server in the first place. (I know this firsthand because I joined it when he first made it, went to general and saw a bunch of 13-15 year old kids talking, saw the dead dove role, and left. I don't have screenshots of this other than the old post of someone else calling him out for it, so you'll just have to take my word for it.) Having an all ages patreon connected to his very adult blog is another example of a lack of insight into proper boundaries. And while he claims he tags his posts, many of them were not tagged, especially on his older blogs he deleted.

This is also just my opinion, disclaimer, but to *me* it seems as if he enjoys crossing lines and attempting violate others' boundaries, or "getting them back" by doing whatever bothered them again. For example, mocking me for being in mourning for my father yet being online. Sometime after this incident, I made a personal post about my grief in general, that was under a cut and tagged, unrelated to him. I had him blocked, so he would have specifically had to look on my page, under the cut, not logged in, to read it. And yet, he referenced that post and my grief mockingly in another post. When I mentioned him liking a post telling me to kms, he directly told me to kms after. When I mentioned his sexual posing of the child sim made several people uncomfortable, he did the same thing again with another child sim. When I mentioned my experience being groomed as child, he made sure to put in his "addressing things" post that it was my parents' fault, and ONLY my parents' fault, that had happened. Not even partial fault towards the adults that were actual abusers, specifically ONLY parents. And that it was my "personal bias" that caused me to be reminded of that abuse. Not his behavior. That was the cherry on top for me, really, that told me everything i needed to know about his mindset. He still has not apologized once for any of these incidents, even when acknowledging having told me to kms. Which he only acknowledged because he had to link to the post and it was staring everyone in the face. And he still downplayed it by saying he didn't "come to anyone directly with kys-adjacent words". 🙄 (In the post fully directed at me... who was he directing them to, then? Just csa survivors in general I guess? Stupid ass...) He's apparently incapable of apologizing for anything.

The lying, the aggression, the self victimization, the refusal/inability to apologize, the repeated harassment towards people for forming boundaries... *combined* with the inability to properly separate the kink material and the material itself, is what concerns me. He may not be dangerous in an irl sense, I can't say either way, but I do know that he's caused a lot of harm mentally to various people and that's enough for me to be wary. I can't forbid anyone else from engaging with him, and I can't tell him not to do whatever he wants to do. But, I can put forward my opinion on the matter, and this is what I feel: Xian is not someone I would want any of my minor family members or minors in the community around. I would personally, genuinely, be afraid for their safety, based on the behavior he has shown. Honestly, I wouldn't even advise my friends or followers that are adults to be around him, especially women. Especially trans women, actually. And black people in general, on that note. But that's all the advice I can give.

I'm sorry this may not be the answer you were looking for, nonny, but it was a good opportunity for me to sum everything up. Hopefully for the last time.