#I learned a lot in physics today

[boygirlctommy]

I didn’t see the green comet (I am about to develop frostbite j think) HOWEVER I got to see many fun constellations and of course the all-time best thing ever the planet MARS

[idk-what-im-doing-ever]

While reading the Wheel of Time books (I'm only up to the third), I pictured Loial as a loxodon/elephant person for maybe no good reason. The whole time Ive been listening to it I've been picturing a wonderful elephant person friend and I just saw what he looks like in the show and it's not Babar-like at all

[cherry-alive]

So, okay, I made a post a bit about this yesterday, but I've had a lot of thoughts since then and a useful conversation with my therapist. So. Complaining about dyspraxia below

I haven't been formally diagnosed with dyspraxia. It's actually pretty much the only diagnosis I've given to myself without at least medical confirmation. But I've given it to myself based on both a lot of research and comments I have received from medical practitioners (e.g. my pediatrician commenting on my weak grip, not meeting developmental milestones on time, comments from teachers, etc). And today my therapist said she's pretty sure I have it based not just on what I've reported but what she's observed in the way I physically interact with the world over the years, so that was helpful and validating. And we contacted my doctor today to hopefully get a referral to an OT, who will be able to actually assess me, which would be very cool. Because I still doubt myself all the time and go "you don't really have this" except like...I do though lol.

Part of the reason I doubt myself about it is that it hasn't had that much impact for many years. But recently, that has changed, and I've realized that it's not that I got better, it's that I went on disability and stopped trying to do a lot of things I used to do and spent like all day on my computer and got assistance with most physical tasks. I'm doing much, much better mental health wise lately, which is amazing, and as a result I'm engaging more and more with the physical world around me, whether that's going on walks or to the grocery store or cooking or dressing nicely or eating in restaurants or trying art or whatever. Which is great!

But it's all. so. fucking. physically. difficult. Not in an exhausting way, in a coordination way. Pushing carts at the grocery store? I bump into things constantly and get really overwhelmed by it and a few weeks ago dropped a glass bottle of olive oil that shattered all over the aisle in the store. Cooking? I love to cook, but it takes me at least 2 to 3 times the time to make any given recipe because I know myself and know I can't multitask so I do all the prep all at once up front, and slowly at that bc cutting vegetables is hard. Putting on makeup? Better set aside 10 minutes just to try to put on lip gloss without going outside the lines. Going to a restaraunt? Often a mortifying experience where I a) bump into other tables and/or b) have food all over my shirt by the end of the meal, which is so embarrassing but I've struggled with it my whole life. And it's just. It's all really really difficult and often I feel so ashamed when I drop something or bump into something or get messy or whatever in public and it just...it just sucks. And I get so so so frustrated and flustered and overwhelmed when I'm trying to do basic tasks at home like hanging up clothes or whatever and it's just so difficult and frustrating for me.

And I had forgotten how hard it all was because for years I just spent all my time on my computer. But I'm not doing that now. Which is great! But I trip and stumble and knock into things and get lost outside and can't do the things I want to do and I'm just constantly reminded that the physical world is very challenging for me. My probable dyspraxia has really been interfering with my life lately in pretty significant ways that have surprised me, I had kind of forgotten how frickin hard it makes a lot of things. I consider myself able bodied for the most part but I'm remembering now that like...not exactly 100% actually. And it just kind of sucks. A lot.

The good news is that as I mentioned, we contacted my GP about it and hopefully I'll get an assessment and maybe even some OT and/or PT, which could hopefully really help me. Because I'm trying very hard to recover and regain some independence, and this is proving a more significant challenge towards those goals than I had expected.

[sollucets]

"I need to talk to you."

[gentlenotes-moved]

i remember quite a long time ago when i was like 8 and i was at my grandma's house crying about something small and i was so confused why i was so upset about it. my grandma said "well, you might be angry about a lot of things right now, and it's all building up" and i sat there thinking that that was the most idiotic thing i've ever heard. but like. 10 years later and i'm in the exact situation she was describing.

[coridallasmultipass]

Halloween costume hint:

(The stitch marker and the word that describes this colour-pattern of yarn [or fabric] are 2 more hints.)

[emmenai-kalliston]

Happy with my crochet today because I had the most work done on my ongoing project (a scarf for my long distance best friend) in percentage since I started :) I'm becoming faster and more precise wooh

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[astro-inthestars]

Hey guys I came back from Baseball Training at 6 pm (3 hours ago–) and holy shit. We started at 10 am and the thing is??? I think I should legally not be allowed to move for two days–

OW like OW the warm ups and training we did HURT which, to be fair, should be expected since I'm a guy who barely does physical activity and sports, and this is a very active sports. It comes with the territory

Guess what sucks though is the fact it COMPLETELY disables me from doing ANYTHING from how tired I am, so I'm sorry yall :(

[graevs666]

-

[oculusxcaro]

What's your love language?

Quality Time™

In Quality Time™, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Whether itʼs spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.

Tagged byStolen from: @gnarledbite and @the-rorschach-mask (♡) Tagging: Whoever hasn't done it yet?

[savage-rhi]

Daily Highlights #11 (2-8-23)

3 Things That Made Me Happy

Several kiddos gushed they are planning on making me something for Valentine’s Day. 

Got voted the best/safe adult from kids based on an empathy interview. 

Got introduced to some new music/artists from kiddos. 

3 Productive Activities I Performed

Emailed university counselors regarding going for my psych. degree and worked on education plan.

Edited audio for some auditions. 

Researched accents controlling screams for VO stuff. 

3 Self Care Activities I Accomplished

Took a nap when I got home.

Laid on my stomach with a weighted blanket on top of my back while listening to music. 

Limited social media.

3 Emotions I felt Today

Imposter syndrome 

Exhausted 

Contemplative 

Overall Day

6/10 Jeff Goldblum’s

[gibbearish]

huh

[tastyflowers]

an important lesson for me to remember is that occasional brain-junk food is incredibly beneficial.

yesterday I was sobbing because I was so stressed and overwhelmed about academia and then I spent my evening watching several episodes of Taskmaster and it genuinely fixed me. today I did a fair amount of work and am feeling calm and capable. thank you trash TV ❤️

[stuckinapril]

the devil’s whispers:

you can do it tomorrow (if you don’t do it now you’ll never do it ever)

you have a lot of time left (life is actually pretty short and we don’t have that much time)

you can skip this one little thing today (you are functioning solely due to the fact that you have a routine)

i must respond to this one thing that is bothering me immediately (you don’t have to do anything, it’s all in ur head)

I must check my phone (u don’t have to do anything, it’s all in ur head)

panicking is productive (panicking never makes a situation better, but in fact exacerbates it)

I must listen to music while doing the most minute task (u don’t have to do anything, it’s all in ur head. and I like music as much as the next person but moments of sheer silence are crucial)

I must befriend everyone (some people just don’t mesh together and that is ok)

I can skip working out for the day (working out does so much for ur physical AND mental health)

If misfortune happens to me it’s because I am uniquely unlucky (misfortune has nothing to do with preordained circumstances and everything to do with random odds)

If I am mistreated it’s because I am a horrible person and I deserve it (most times people are projecting their issues onto u and it has nothing to do with u)

if I make a mistake I am uniquely horrible (we are all human and we all make mistakes. the important thing is to hold ourselves accountable and learn from them)

I must have this one thing I really want now (u don’t have to do anything, it’s all in ur head. also whatever u want will still be here tomorrow so this sense of urgency is false)

I am uniquely hated/disliked/ostracized (most people are busy w their own lives and don’t have the time to be hating on u. and if they really are then their life is pretty empty and their opinion should not be held in high regard to begin with)

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...