#I know I didnt have the emotional maturity to end a fight better at 16

[13-reasons-ideas]

Can’t Go Back Part 14

Montgomery and I were curled up in my bed one Friday night watching The Mortal Instruments. We paid attention to most of it but there were definitely some parts we missed. Damn is he a good kisser. We missed the credits starting. “That was good.” Monty muttered as he pulled away from me.

“Very.” I agreed, though I don’t know if we meant the movie or the rather intense make out session. “I think the book is still better though.”

“I think they could have slowed down the pace some. It seemed a little rushed.”

“Okay fair, but I don’t see how that would make a difference. The book is still better than the movie. They cut out so much stuff.”

“How much could they have cut Addison?” I raised my brow and got up from my bed. I grabbed the book from my shelf and tossed it at him.

“Ow. That hurt you know.”

“No wonder we lose so much. None of you know how to catch things.” I joked.

“Is that a dig Doll?” he smirked and stood.

“Maybe. What are you going to do about it, Casanova?”

“I can think of a thing or two.” He shook his head and leaned down to kiss me. Pulling me closer, we fell back onto my bed and rolled around. His kisses quieted my giggles in case my parents heard us and came to check on me.

“Addy?” a voice called. We froze. My eyes went to my door on instinct. “Addy.” Not the door. Too quiet to be the door. “Are you awake?” The whisper call came once again. Monty and I immediately turned to the window, alarmed. Justin. I climbed off my bed and pulled my shirt off. Sneaking towards my window, I opened it and stuck my head out a bit. Not enough for Justin to see anything, but enough for him to hear me.

“Just a minute, I’m getting dressed.” I shut it again and turned back to Monty. “Hide! You need to hide.” Monty spread his arms wide, motioning around the room. He was clearly freaking out.

“No shit. Where?”

I motioned to my closet. “In there. Quickly. And stay quiet.” I messed up my hair some more as he dove for my closet and shut the door. One look in the mirror showed me how red I was. Oh well. Hopefully he’s not in the mood to chat. Opening the window, I waved him up. He tossed his bag on my previously occupied bed.

“Thanks. Mom is on another bender.” I squeezed him tightly and stepped back.

“Sorry, I was watching a movie and I must have fallen asleep.” Justin sat on my bed and I tried to keep my eyes from widening. Lying is so much easier when he’s not hiding in my closet. “So you can stay here tonight, but you have to stay in the guest room.”

My best friend rose his brow at me, suspiciously. “Uh. Okay, why? I’ve never had to before.”

“Because my dad has decided to give a shit this week?” I shrugged. “He thinks you could get me pregnant or something. You know, with all the sex we don’t have.” Justin shrugged understandingly. Thank God.

I took him to the guest room and get him all tucked into bed. I climbed onto the bed beside him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what? The fact that my mother is an addict? Or the fact that I have to come hide out at my best friend’s house every other week?”

“Any of it, Justin. You don’t deserve to deal with all of this.”

“I know that Addy. I don’t have much choice though. She’s my mom.” The crack in his voice and his eyes filled with tears, broke my heart.

I nodded and pulled the broken boy in front of me into my lap. “You know I’m always here for you. No matter what. We don’t have to talk anymore, okay?” He nodded against my lap. I pet his hair in a sad attempt to soothe him. We sat like that for a while until I knew he was asleep. The quiet snoring told me everything I needed to know about his evening. I kissed his forehead and went back to my room. Leaning against the door and sighing deeply, I was startled to find Monty lounging on my bed.

“You came back.”

“Yeah.”

“Gone a while.”

“Yeah.” It’s my house. I can be gone as long as I want.

“Everything good?”

“I guess.” I shrugged. “Just Amber being Amber. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”

“He really does stay here then?”

“Yeah. Was it not clear before?”

“It was. I just didn’t realize you would let him in if you had company.” I blinked at him. I rolled my eyes and grabbed the book that was still sitting on my bed, along with my laptop. Once they were on my desk I climbed into bed beside him.

“I’m not doing this at this hour. And we need to be quiet. So good night Monty.”

He scoffed. “Night Addison.” Monty was gone when I woke up.

We didn’t text the rest of the weekend and things were still tense between us at school on Monday. We basically ignored each other in the halls. Usually. we at least nodded to each other discreetly or I acknowledged his existence when I was roped into a conversation with Justin’s friends. In the middle of chemistry, he sent me a text. Are your parents going to be home after school?

Not for a while. Why?

Talk?

Fine. I rolled my eyes and slid my phone back in my bag. I furrowed my brow at the problem on the board and its ‘solved’ counterpart. I rose my hand. “Miss uh… Hawthorne?”

“The equation actually balances to 1H10Si10O15+30HCl, not 2H10Si10O15+30HCl2.” Our substitute looked frazzled at my correction. She turned around and went over the equation again.

“Yes, it seems you are correct. Thank you.” I smiled and nodded awkwardly. A few kids chuckled.

I beat my boyfriend to my house and made a coffee. The jiggle of the doorknob brought me out of my stewing. Monty walked in and watched me expectantly. “What.”

“You know what.”

“Justin? Really?”

“Yes Justin.”

“You’re mad that Justin came over on Friday night?”

“We were hanging out. I assumed that meant you wouldn’t just invite him in.”

I scoffed. “And what would you have had me do instead? Tell him to spend the night on the street or with Bryce?”

“I don’t see why he couldn’t stay at Bryce’s.”

“Why can’t you?”

“Excuse me?”

“You think I haven’t figured out that you crash here when you fight with your dad?” His eyes darkened a shade, but he didn’t respond.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Right. Sure. We can talk about that later.”

“Or we can not.”

“It wasn’t a suggestion. Since apparently you have an issue with Justin now, we have to deal with it because he isn’t going anywhere.” He rolled his eyes. “Don’t. Don’t roll your eyes at me.”

“K.” He scoffed.

“Amber is an addict. She’s not picky. When her boyfriend is in town, its meth. Other times its whatever she can scrape the money up for. So, he comes here when he doesn’t want to deal with it. Or when she’s too far gone to recognize him. Because he knows he’s safe here. How safe is he at Bryce’s place Monty?”

“Safe enough.”

“That’s crap and you can’t deny it.”

“Whatever Addy. I was under the impression that us time was us time but if Justin needs to be involved, you think we have a very different relationship than we do.”

“He’s not involved. And he will never be involved in the way you’re implying. He is my best friend Monty.”

“Sure. Friends.”

“Seriously? I’ve already told you that we are and have only ever been friends.”

“You were gone over an hour. A lot can happen in an hour.” Barf.

“If I was going to cheat on you with anyone, do you really think I would be stupid enough to do it while you are in my bedroom waiting for me? Also, as I’ve said many, many times, Justin and I are nothing more than friends.”

“Then what were you doing Addison?”

“We were talking. I was waiting for him to fall asleep. I always wait for him to fall asleep.”

“Still doesn’t explain why he couldn’t go spend the night at Bryce’s.”

“He’s done it before. And Bryce’s solution is to get him drunk or high so that he doesn’t have to deal with his problems.”

“Doesn’t sound like that bad of a way to deal with it.”

“You’re kidding, right? Justin dealing with his mom who’s high out of her mind by getting high is… not bad?” I blinked at him.

“On occasion no.”

“You… no. I’ve had to go pick him up from Bryce’s place. Trust me when I tell you it’s not pretty. So, to avoid that, he comes here.”

“Is this how it’s going to be?”

His question caught me off guard. “What do you mean?”

“Am I going to come second to Justin?”

“You… you don’t come second to him Monty. He’s been my best friend since I was a little kid. We need each other. And yes, sometimes that means he will need me while you and I are together. But I can’t just abandon him. You’ve been my boyfriend for all of three months. I’m not going to be that girl that just forgets about all the other relationships in my life because I have a boyfriend. A boyfriend I can’t tell anyone about, might I add. Which I’m completely okay with for now by the way. And as much as I don’t like him, Bryce and I are the only real constants in his life. He’s family.”

“Fine. I just didn’t realize how close you two are. It’s not exactly the easiest thing to deal with when your girlfriend basically has a second boyfriend.”

“You knew we were close going into this.”

“Yeah, I know. But that isn’t the point. I don’t want to be second to Justin Foley.”

“You aren’t. Justin is my best friend. He is the closest thing I have to a brother. He is going to be around. You are just going to have to deal with that. I’m not going to fight you on him.”

“Fine. I’ll try.”

“Thank you.”

“Bryce’s place is still an option though.”

“It is for you too.”

“I’m not doing this now Addison.”

“You want to sit here and complain about Justin showing up in the middle of the night like you haven’t been doing it since we started dating.”

“That’s low Addy.”

“Am I wrong Montgomery?”

“No but that’s low.”

“You think I haven’t noticed the bruises?”

“I’m not doing this Addison. Not now.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to. I’m not in the mood to discuss this.”

“But discussing Justin was fine. Whatever. And don’t try to say its two different things because it’s not.”

“Okay. I won’t.”

“I get that you’re upset and stuff and that’s fine. But you don’t get to sit here and act like you don’t do the same thing. That’s not fair.”

“Okay.” I realized he wasn’t going to budge on the topic.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

[reineyday]

some feelings abt touya and bnha 302 in general! (long post)

jesus this whooooole chapter makes me so so so sad for touya, like he's canonically a crier and i just have all these images now of him crying off to the side while enji looks at his other kids and gives them the time of day. knowing that he was/is a frustrated crier makes the fact that dabi cant cry cuz of his burned tear ducts that much sadder ohhman

one of the things i cant get over is how touya was SO shunned by his dad that when he went to go tell enji about his fire turning from red to blue, he says "i might be as awesome as shouto sooner or later!" like?? this boy is 13 and shouto is 5 yet he's talking like the brother that's eight years younger than him is better than him and thar it's just a fact. the sky is blue, enji wants to beat all might one day, and shouto is better than the rest of his siblings. nevermind that he's only five and just wants to play with his siblings (and dont even mention to me how shouto says he wants to play with "touya and them" cuz im gonna fucking cry abt it. like even though touya's accepted he's bottom of the ladder in this family, shouto clearly wants some sort of acknowledgement from his older siblings and especially his older brother. IM FVCKN SOBBN). enji has made it clear in this family that shouto was what he was looking for and everyone else is not as important, and i knew this from shouto's pov but it's kinda wild to see it implied so casually in touya's words.

"you'll be glad you created me! i just know it!" HOLY SHIT. god my heart. oh my fuck. literally all enji had to do was show up to the fucking mountain, and he couldnt even do that? what the hell?? your son asks you to go to the mountain, you tell your wife not to let him go traim but she said she couldnt stop him, and instead of going yourself to make sure he's okay and BECAUSE HE ASKED YOU TO COME (and with an actually valid reason, no less! fire changing colour is kind of a big fucking deal!!!) you just?? let him go and let him stay there??? my god the amount of times touya must have burned himself and the trees with tears in his eyes. ahhhHHH!!!

what kills me (and touya too soon?) was that we thought before the back story started that enji forced touya to train till he burned up. then when 290 came out--and definitely after 301--we thought maybe touya overtrained himself and burned up. and sure, he was definitely overtraining, but to find out that the burns that "killed" him started just bc he was crying so much he lost control and didnt know how to ease up on his flames? he was upset and literally trying to get himself to stop crying, and then he just set himself aflame and burned up cuz of all his emotions??? that HURTS. holy fuck.

i cant believe natsuo's feeling lowkey guilty for not socking enji in the face like he wasnt EIGHT???? and let's be real, enji woukdnt have fucking listened to natsuo telling him to talk to touya--he already wasnt listening when touya would straight up say "look at me" and when even rei said touya just wanted enji to look at him and notice him. listen, i know sometimes miscommunications happen in families and children are embarrassed to admit they want attention and so their parents remain unaware that theyre not giving their kid something they want, but touya was as clear as can be on MANY occasions, and even rei agreed touya needed the attention and enji just wasnt listening.

also i know there was discourse abt touya being sexist by telling natsu that "the women in this house are good for nothing" and mb it was partly diff translations cuz i feel like saying "this house" makes it specific to rei and yumi instead of all women everywhere, but even disregarding that--i think it's a valid thought for him to have when rei wasnt standing up for him (where he could see, at least) and yumi admitted herself that she was too scared to interfere and so just tried to fix things and keep appearances. i feel like based on what touya's seen from them, it makes sense that he has that opinion. (also gonna mention that i think rei's and yumi's choices also make sense and i think they were valid, seeing as how they were afraid as well.)

and poor natsu being woken up in the middle of the night (what was implied to be often enough, esp cuz it seemed they share a room and their futons are close) bc of touya's pain. that's a lot of emotional responsibility for an eight year old, and it is also so sad that at 13, touya didnt have anyone else to turn to but his kid brother. at 13, i remember being fully aware of the distinction in maturity between an 8 year old and myself, and it sucks that touya couldnt go to anyone but a younger child with all his pain. i bet yumi being too scared to interfere translated to touya as "she wouldnt help me" and thats another reason he didnt go to the 2nd oldest when he needed to vent. (also not related to this but how the FUCK was natsuo so tall at 8 years old? wh a t)

this chapter. this fucking chapter. my heart aches for touya, and it's just such a huge fucking shame he didnt get the attention and validation and support he needed. there must have been workarounds so that touya could safely use his quirk. there weere DEFINITELY better ways to support your son through a self-destructive quirk, ways that involved actually being there and seeing him. i feel like if someone showed him the attention he needed and talked him through how to better control his emotions (and by extension, his flames) and a positive and healthy way, he could have been someone so great. and if he ever learned how to set aside the way he felt infefior to shouto and saw that shouto just wanted to play with his cool older siblings, it might have been really beneficial to see that there was someone there who thinks he's cool and gave him attention just bc he was an older brother, who needed him when everyone else in the househild didnt seem to need him.

and lastly, the fact that the chapter ends with rei saying that shouto is the family hero and that shouto will have to face dabi?? and it makes me angry that shouto has to take on that responsibility. that he was five and suffering for things he wasnt even a part of, couldnt be properly aware of, bc he was so young. he just saw that he was separated from his siblings and that his dad bullied his mom, then grew up shouldering enji's heavy goals and high expectations and abusive training alongside the barely-there memories of his older brother who died (i say barely there bc if natsu didnt even know shouto liked cold soba, shouto was definitely not around enough to have solid memories of touya before he "died"), and now he has to do the emotional labour of fighting his villain brother (who i bet shouto lowkey empathizes with when he thinks abt it late at night) as well as suffer the physical consequences of that agni kai. and it makes me angry that he has to do that, bc he's a Good Guy and he probably feels he has some sort of filial and familial responsibility. he's only 16. he just wanted to play with touya and them, and now he has to deal with this horse shit dabi's causing cuz his dad's an emotionally neglecting asshat who couldnt see past his dumb fucking ego until he saw shouto play with a bunch of kids during shou's remedial exam a decade after his eldest son burned himself to death. what the fuckety fuck.

lastly, since we saw touya burn uo the way he did... did he really just like... burn so much his jaw fell off, and that's how they found the jawbone? cuz holy hot (BURNING too soon???) damn that must have been painful as all hell. i wonder if next chapter we get to see if someone found touya at the park and helped him out and sorted out the jaw bone thing, or if we finally get to see if deku wakes up lol.

anyways this chapter hurt my heart big time, and i kinda wanna draw kid touya crying while being overlooked by his family to let out some of those feelings but we'll see.

and i still stand by my idealistic and naively optimistic hope that dabi gets redeemed and they soend some actually time together as a family (without enji. or at least, with an enji that has apologized to touya in seiza. like, forehead-to-floor apologize.)

does this hope sort out how dabi redeems himself, seeing as how he's murdered people in cold blood and shouldnt be excused for that bc those actions are also inarguably terrible? no. not sure how he could redeem himself for that kinda stuff honestly, but it doesnt mean i dont still somehow want the todoroki sibs to get along, cuz im weak for mending families.

also id like to send a huge kudos out into the world to rei todoroki for being firm for once and for also not running away from her mistakes like her asshole husband has been. i really admire and respect that. she was afraid and being abused, but now that she's been away from enji and has had time to heal, now that her and shouto are in the mend and she's seen that her eldest son is alive and a villain, she's a place where she can acknowledge that even though she was a victim too, she played a part in touya's emotional neglect and she's taking responsibility and that speaks to some incredible fucking strength. damn.

i hope one day that dabi realizes the same in regards to his mother and natsuo, who shouldered a lot of his emotional pain and suffered the consequences of his outbursts (even though his emotions are valid and his outbursts understandable, he still hurt rei and put a lot of pressure on natsu), and i also hope he sees that for all that he hates his father, his whole existence revolves around enji and it's a shitty place to be (and then he'll have ANGST abt it and that shit will be!! so good!!!)

yeah i think those were all my feelings. i had so many lol. their family situation is so difficult, i hope they all turn out okay and alive and healing.

oh i guess i also wanted to say that i kept calling enji an asshat and asshole cuz he was for sure, but i still think his redemption is valid and im glad he's taking those steps to be a better person by being a better father. i dont know if id want his family to forgive him for all that horrible shit he put them through (im personally hoping that no matter what anyone else does, natsuo will choose to to cooperate in the healing of his family as a unit but will never forgive enji) but i think it's good of people to try to be better than they were yesterday regardless of whether or not they get forgiveness. i dont personally like enji, but i dont hate that he's getting a redemption. i just hope it's a redemption that makes sense and forces him to put in the work, and isnt something like a death sacrifice for shouto or dabi. i want him to be alive and i want his redemption process to hurt like a fucking bitch while he forces himself to make better choices and be a better person, cuz redemption isnt supposed to be easy in the slightest. i GUESS all the crying he did in 302 was a good start.

anyways, if for some reason you read all the way down to the bottom--hello! and thanks for reading haha. cheers! :)))

[laiqart]

The Untamed vs MDZS Anime: Which is better?

Going to japan now. Currently in the plane. The in flight tv is broken. So... ive been watching mdzs on youtube!

Hot damn the animation is beautiful. Every frame is a work of art. How the hell. Its so beautiful. I mean they use 3D a lot for the backgrounds and boats but its still gorgeous and not too jarring. The lighting is so realistic, scenery too. All the fighting choreography is beautiful. The way the swords swing in the air looks so fluid, and when swords clash its in flashes of light the color of their sword. Such a tasteful yet stylistic choice. Everyone's, esp wwx, hair is so flowy, so detailed every strand sways in the wind. The waves reflect light and move smoothly. How the hell did they do that. How. I was thinking of doing those screencap redraw thingy with the scene when wwx whacks lwj's boat. (they also emphasised how far lwj's boat was sinking into the water, which makes it more convincing how wwx can deduce that theres something underneath vs the live action where lwj's boat looked normal..) it was damn beautiful. The thing is, the point of these redraws is that the animation looks simple, so the redraw would enhance the scene. But for mdzs, everything is already in peak quality, redrawing it will only look worse. Its like writing fanfiction of books. The original writing is so damn beautiful, fan fiction ends up being such a stark difference that the reader cant help but compare the 2.

Drama, as everyone says, shows better facial expressions due to the live actors, so emotions hit harder. But anime def LOOKs way better in all action scenes. Angles that follow the characters are used to emphasise scale between enemy and chracters, and all the movements feel so dynamic, and i love how when they use talisman spell thingies they got a circle of light in an intricate pattern thats super beautiful. In the drama, its just a piece of paper.

However, i prefer drama's lwj. Maybe cos wyb looks so young, its more believable when he freaks out over the adult book that wwx gives him in the library scene. In the anime, he looks 20+-30+. Its a bit hard to believe that he'd be worried over that. Idk theres a kind of innocence and naivety that leads to the stubborn refusal to express emotion that young lwj is plagued with that we have in the untamed (was this intentional on wyb's part or is it because the teenage lwj wig made his eyes look floaty, so he seems more like a teenager and naive, less experienced as a cultivator vs lwj 13 years later? Dk but it works!). In the anime, he looks like an adult thats calm and level headed already from the get-go. Idk maybe i just havent watched enough (only seen up til the water demons in caiyi town). In both anime and drama, everyone and i mean EVERYONE besides the fricking babies looks the same 13/16 years later. It doesn't feel like time has passed at all. I wish they would have maybe a change in costume, or hairstyle in the anime. The drama at least changes their costumes a little and neatens the hairstyle of jiang cheng and lwj to indicate maturity.

Btw i love that in the anime for the water demons section they had wwx and jc casually chatting (though its a blatant cornetto ad which is fricking weird. How can there be frozen treats back in those days), then wwx beautifully catapulting himself onto a boat and rowing away showing the unique and romantic af mode of transport in caiyi town, then smoothly transitioning to the lan bros on the bridge right above them with lwj asking why lxc decided to bring them along. Its just tying together so many scenes, quickening the plot along and yet doing it so naturally and seamlessly compared with the novel and drama.

Though i like that the drama involved wn and wq and have wwx save wn, and makes way more sense why wn would want to risk his life to help wwx recover his parents fricking corpse illegally right under the nose of wen chao and wen zhuliu.

The anime removed the entire mystery plot of a yan and the fairy goddess statue and thats honestly the best best best choice to make. In the drama, it was one of the worse sections ever cos i didnt understand who all these random ass characters were (it was one of the first mysteries in the drama) and yet it didnt go into detail like they did in the novel, so not only did i not know what was going on, i also didnt give a single shit about the characters. When i saw that they completely did away with the random passer bys who screwed around with the fairy statue, i was thoroughly impressed.

I liked that the drama let nhs have his own trouble making moments tho, like having him sneak a live bird into class. It makes it more convincing that wwx would be friends with him because they both have a mischievous side that they can both appreciate in each other. In the anime, nhs just looks like a loser nerd thats weak in swordplay and does wwx's homework for him, without a will of his own. It doesnt make sense why wwx would keep him around. Then again, maybe itll make the reveal that nhs is a conniving mastermind more impactful for the anime, oh well only time will tell.

I liked that lxc and lwj look similar in the anime. Its more convincing when people call them the twin jades of the lan clan. In the drama, they hardly looked like brothers. Lxc looks more like lwj's mentor or teacher rather than an older brother. In the anime, they look more siblingy.

I miss drama wen ning. I rmb when he looked so fierce and terrifying in his first appearance. I was legit intimidated. Oh how hes changed! Hes so fluffy now. In the anime hes equally menacing. His fight scene with the statue goddess was so beautiful. Doesnt it take a long time to animate the chains moving so fluidly yet dynamically yet somehow looks like it can disintegrate rock in an instant? The lighting on it too, how it reflected the fire of the forest around them. Have i mentioned how beautiful having that fight scene at night was? It was dark and ominous looking, yet the fire cast an epic looking light over the scene with warm orange glows. And the animators had that fiery light reflected in anything they could find: eyes, chains, swords.

Ooh but jiang cheng's whip looked prettier in the drama than in the anime, which is kind of weird given they were both cgi-ed. Somehow the lighting of the whip in the drama was brighter, looked more like real lightning vs the whip in the anime looking a little dull, like they colored it then added a gray filter. This is kinda bizarre given the laughably bad effects of the effects for everything else in the drama. Visuals for non human things is not the drama's strong suit, so it makes u wonder what happened for the anime whip. Maybe in the dark, the lightning would have to look hella bright and reflect on the surroundings (tedious to color) more so than in the day, hence why it looked worse in anime vs drama. Oh well.

As for lan sizhui, its weird that his voice is so deep in the anime (and audio drama!). Ive always seen him as a kiddo thanks to the live action, so hearing him sound mature is kinda off-putting. He sounds like a leader, and gives off lwj vibes vs in the live action where he gives a goody two shoes studious nerd vibe, whos just trying his best. Maybe this is better, he feels way more like a lwj-raised child(serious and business-like) which makes more sense. Live action lsz feels like a wwx(optimistic and intelligent) AND lwj(well-behaved and sensible)-raised child. Anime lsz looks like hes got his shit together. Jinling is fairly similar in both, maybe less prideful in the anime (in live action theres the scene where im pretty sure he indirectly kills one of his men by wishing for the fairy goddess statue to come to life. That was a hella asshole move. This was omitted in the anime.) Jingyi in the anime somehow looks snarkier. Maybe cos he straight up duels with jinling and kicks him down a dark cave. Ive been wondering why all the tumblr posts depict ljy as this sassy ass short tempered kid when he was quite tame (though sassy by lan standards) in the live action. Now i know.

The costumes for the drama is better, more detailed though thats expected i guess. I just love that they have little white gusu lan clan uniforms that wwx jc and friendos are required to wear. Its so cute and such a cool detail. In anime, theyre all in their usual garb, and they just look like random people who decided to turn up at lan qirens class. In the drama, it looks more like a school that they have to attend for half a year and it feels characteristic that gusu lan clan would require their students to have a uniform, given their incredibly strict regime type. It also serves to separate the happy carefree school days from all the other tragic af events in wwx's life. His costume starts out white showing innocence and purity of his naiive teenage years who had yet to experience hardship and still feels invincible as a youth. After school, he wears dark blue, as he goes on an adventure with lanzhan and experience how important the yin iron is (gives up the joking light hearted nature as a teenager by realizing the gravity of situation if the wen clan gets their hands on it) and maybe that hes not truly part of the jiang clan who wears purple. Then his costume eventually becomes black as he experiences his first life and death situation that he isnt sure he can handle. That child like assurance that "oh the seniors will let me off" or "im sure jiang fengmian will come to my rescue" gets demolished when he undergoes cruel indoctrination at the wen clans. This visual development may be a bit on the nose, but personally i love subtle representations.

Overall, the anime does do a better of job of explaining the world's mechanics, which is quite important. The drama is quite faithful to the book, at times even more so than the anime, so it irks me that this is the one thing they decide to skim on. The god damn premise, the first thing the audience needs: why the hell is wwx alive again and what is mo xuanyu doing?? I guess the drama thought that it explains itself but it doesnt really. It was really confusing. The anime, though somehow faster than the drama, still has the time to properly explain mxy. A technique ive noticed is that they do exposition during the fight scenes, which is so ingenius. Its visually appealing, as always, so its not boring, the viewers gets to understand whats going on AND it gives the sense that the characters are so skilled that they carry causal conversations while fighting supposedly weak enemies like zombies and water ghosts, which is accurate seeing how wwx and lwj and friends are supposed to be one of the most powerful cultivators.

TL;DR both are good lol

[let-it-raines]

Second in Command (Epilogue - Part Seven)

Summary: Life as the “spare to the heir” isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be when you’re the supposed screw-up of the family, but people don’t know what really happens behind closed doors.

Rating: Mature

A/N: You guys are totally going to be annoyed with me for how I left it on a cliffhanger when I totally didn’t have to except to show some character growth and how things change...which I guess is exactly the reason I ended it that way :D

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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Epilogue Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 

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“Can I come in, son?”

“Yeah, of course,” Killian answers automatically, the shock of his father just showing up at his door stunning him for only a moment. It’s not like he never visits. He usually just calls or texts first. “I didn’t know you were coming over, dad. Why didn’t you call?”

“Oh, I was visiting the kids and thought I’d drop by since I knew that the two of you had returned home.” His dad steps inside, squeezing his shoulder before leaning down to pet Indy. “Hello, darling,” he then greets Emma, kissing her cheek before wrapping her up in a hug. “How are you feeling today?”

“Good, good,” Emma insists, her eyes still blown wide as if she’s actually been shocked. He knows she’s still a bit rattled from the flight and her nausea. The same thing had happened when they went out sailing the morning of their anniversary, before the disaster of the rest of that day, and even though he had been wary of it, Emma insisted she was fine. She never said she wasn’t, but the green of her face told him otherwise. “How are you?”

“Kicking pretty high for my age.”

“You are not old,” she laughs, tugging on Indy’s leash. “Do you mind if I take Indy for a quick walk? Let her run around a bit. She’s been told she’s going outside, and I’m afraid she’ll freak out if she doesn’t get to go.”

“Of course, dear. I’ll chat with Killian, and the second you two come back inside, I want to hear all about how you’ve been since you left us to go holiday in the warm sunshine. I swear it’s rained for the past week.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Emma takes a step over toward him, leaning up and kissing his cheek, whispering that she’ll be right back before taking a step outside with Indy and leaving him with his dad.

“Do you want something to drink? Eat?”

“I’m fine.” His father begins walking to the living room, settling down into the recliner he prefers when visiting all while Killian sits down on the couch next to him, only a side table between them. “So how was your holiday?”

He almost chokes on his own saliva thinking of all of the things he absolutely cannot tell his father about their holiday as well as wondering if he should bring up the privacy issue just yet. He doesn’t know, is never truly sure about these types of things. He could have a nice, normal conversation with his father or it could turn into another tense, stressful one. He’s had enough of those for a lifetime, but he also knows that he doesn’t have all of the time in the world to fix this. He’s got fewer than four months, really.

“It was wonderful,” he finally answers, his lips ticking up on one side. It really was wonderful to get away with Emma and only have each other for awhile despite the disaster that was their anniversary. It got better, though. It wasn’t completely bad. They had the sailing trip and the takeout meal that was better than anything else they’d eaten if only for how comfortable they both felt. He felt his son move for the first time, which was bloody brilliant and most definitely his new favorite thing. “It’s a gorgeous island. Emma mentioned something about asking you to make our beaches like that.”

Brennan barks out a laugh, the wrinkles on his face all gathering together while his gray hair shakes the slightest bit. If Killian was a betting man, he’d guess his dad is getting his hair cut in the next two or three days, keeping up with his lifelong schedule of haircuts. “If only I could. That would be bloody wonderful. But I like the way she thinks.”

“She’s definitely a brilliant dreamer.” He trails off toward the end of his sentence, looking down at his hand and twisting his ring around his finger, his constant physical reminder of his lifelong commitment to Emma, as if he really needs one. “Can I talk to you about something, dad?”

“Of course.”

“I know, well, I know that things were different when I was a kid, that technology wasn’t as advanced, that I was a bit of a surprise child and that you were on the older side when I was born.”

“Well, why don’t you just call me elderly then, Killian? And you have absolutely no proof that you were a surprise child.”

His dad laughs when he speaks, but Killian isn’t finding a lot of humor in it, knowing that he’s likely going to upset Brennan with his words.

“What I mean is, I know you weren’t really, truly involved in my life. And I’m not blaming you or trying to make you feel…upset, but I need a very particular kind of advice that really only you and mum or Liam and Abigail can give. And I’m honestly not even sure you can give it.”

“What’s wrong, Killian?”

He takes a moment to collect himself, hundreds of words on the tip of his tongue but none of them feeling quite right. But he has to say something, so he might as well speak the truth.

“How the hell am I supposed to be a father in a world where I can’t protect the privacy of my wife and my child? There were, um, photographers who rented out a house and used scopes to take pictures of us on the beach. And Emma and I got into a pretty nasty argument about it. She’s worried…I’m worried about Andrew’s privacy. We want him to live a life as normal as possible. We don’t want photographers following him to school or to the park, and I just – I don’t know how to fix it.”

He’s been clenching his fist all while he talks, the tenseness in his hand almost painful while hot tears form in his eyes, every fault and every insecurity he’s had long before the fight with Emma coming back and assaulting his senses, making everything a dark, cloudy blur.

Brennan looks calm, secure, the blue of his eyes not changing while his eyelids rapidly blink, his brows furrowing and the lines on his face increasing. Has he said too much? Shown too much emotion? Asked for the impossible?

“The fact that you have very obviously beaten yourself up about this proves that you are a better dad than I ever have been.”

“That’s not what I meant, dad. I didn’t – ”

“I know, Killian. I’m not taking offense to anything. I was a poor excuse for a father for the majority of your life. I was focused on Liam, on my job, on the protocol and the way that my father raised Albert and me. All I knew was that fathers were not supposed to be close to their children, and as much as that hurt me as a child, I stupidly believed it. The fact that you have forgiven me is something I still can’t believe.”

He leans over and places his hand on Brennan’s knee, patting him before leaning back and wiping at his eyes. “I did it for me, but with the way you’ve worked to change, you deserve it.”

“Thank you, my boy.” His father smiles, settling back into his chair and crossing his hands together in his lap. “But this is not about me. This is about you and your family. So you don’t want Andrew in the public eye? At all? Is that what you’re saying?”

“I mean, we haven’t discussed it in serious length, but yes. I’m sure that Emma will be okay with releasing the occasional photo or having him join us when we go overseas so we don’t have to be apart from him, but I think we’re going to have to take a step back in traditions. And when he gets older, I think we may need to move somewhere much more private.”

The front door opens then, the alarm beep sounding at the same time that he hears the click of nails and the squeak of sneakers as well as Emma’s voice. He straightens up, fixing his hunched back and sitting against the couch in as much of a relaxed position as he can.

“Go find, Killian, girl, yeah,” Emma coos, her voice getting louder the closer she gets to the living room. And then she’s in view, Indy running in first and jumping up on the couch before getting down once she spots Brennan, less familiar people always more exciting than him. Emma walks toward him, sitting down in the seat Indy just vacated and reaching around him to tangle her fingers in his hair, stroking the strands. “What’s wrong? Your shoulders are tensed.”

How the hell does she always know?

“Killian and I,” his father answers for him, seemingly understanding that Killian wasn’t sure what to say, “were simply talking about how you two seem to be suffering from some privacy issues and are worried about your child’s future, that you want Andrew to lead a more private life than normal.”

“Oh,” Emma gulps, her hand stilling in his hair before beginning again, “well, yeah. I know that we all grew up differently and that my childhood isn’t really an option, but that’s what I want, what we want. We want him to be able to be a kid, you know? I don’t want him to be used to cameras everywhere he goes. I don’t know how we’d fix that, but that’s definitely my top priority right now. And forever probably.”

His hand finds Emma’s knee, thumb running back and forth over the material of her leggings while she speaks. He’s here with her, for her, consistently, and he hopes that she knows this.

“Why don’t you two give me some time to think things over? I’ll meet with security. We’ll work out some plans and ideas. You two should probably talk to Liam and Abigail. It’s not, well, it won’t be exactly the same. You have more freedom than them, and they’re not quite as private as the two of you. But they do have experience in all of this.” “Thank you, Brennan,” Emma sighs, leaning back into the couch and scratching at his neck, his eyes fluttering closed for a quick moment.

“Of course, but at the end of the day, above everything else, we’re a family. How you two feel is far more important than any sort of duty and tradition we have, even if I do ask that we stick to the important ones.”

“Actually, I have something else that I want to talk about.”

His head snaps to her, eyes searching for what she has to say, but she’s not looking at him, her gaze trained on the wag of Indy’s tail while her fingers tap over his on her leg, the hand in his hair having stilled.

“What do you want to talk about, love?”

She looks at him then, the smallest of smiles on her face that comforts him the slightest bit, before directing her gaze to Brennan. “I don’t want to walk out of the hospital all made up hours after giving birth. Kudos to Abigail. She is a badass woman for that, but that’s not what I want. Andy doesn’t need to be exposed to so many people as a newborn. I don’t need to be all dressed up when I’ve just given birth. I don’t care about tradition when it comes to this. This is what I’m doing, and I really feel like it’s the first step in taking a stand about him not being some kind of public property.”

He didn’t know she felt that way about any of that, nearly every word she said news to him, but he gets it, supports it. If that’s what Emma wants for this, that’s what they’ll do. He’s never quite understood that tradition anyways, and he likes the idea of a more private celebration with just them and their families while Emma heals and they adjust to the terrifying process of being parents for the first time.

“I’m not sure we can do that, dear.”

“What?” His head snaps over to his dad, trying to process the words. “You literally just said that how we feel is more important than any duty we have.”

“But that we need to stick to the important traditions, yes. New family members are an important tradition.”

“Brennan,” Emma grits, her voice strained as she tries to keep it friendly, “I respect our family and all of the traditions we have, but I am not some kind of human machine who’s only here to produce babies. Yes, of course this is a big deal, but it’s a big deal for us as a personal family, not as some part of the institution. You can still put the sign up, make any and all announcements you want. Hell, I’ll release a picture if we have to, but all I’m asking is that we’re allowed to leave and travel home in peace.”

“I agree, dad. I mean, really. Of all of the things we break and bend, of all of the things we change, surely you can let this one thing go? It’s not hundreds of years ago where people are faking pregnancies and paternities to keep the line intact, which was ridiculous then. I think letting family be family is the most important thing, don’t you?”

“Aye, it’s just…you’ll have to forgive me.” Brennan runs his hand over his face, visibly warring something within himself, the lines on his face stressing. “You were right earlier when you said things are different now. These are not things that I really went through with you, not as prevalent as you. Emma, dear, I’m sorry. I don’t…I shouldn’t have ever considered making you do something you’re not comfortable with. I love you dearly, and you and Killian know what’s best here, not me.”

“I don’t want to disappoint you,” Emma says, getting up from the couch and sitting down on the edge of the coffee table so that she can squeeze Brennan’s hand. “You are so brilliant, and you uphold this family so well. I know that I’m different, that it was difficult to accept me, but change can be good, you know?”

“I know.”

Brennan stays for a little while longer, hashing out a few more details with them before accepting a cup of tea and some food, finally listening to them talk about their holiday all the while scratching behind Indy’s ears, her eyes closed in bliss the entire time. It’s peaceful, relaxing, and he feels his shoulders loosen the longer the conversation goes on, Emma’s laughter and joyful voice sounding throughout the room. In the back of his mind, though, he keeps replaying the conversation, thinking of everything he said, everything they all said, and he’s amazed it all went as smoothly as it did, surprised that his father acquiesced to their private exit from the hospital so easily. He had no idea that Emma wanted that, and he wonders how long she’s been toying with the idea, how many late nights she’s spent worrying about bringing it up. He knows she didn’t just think of it now, that it wasn’t spur of the moment, and he tries to remind himself to ask her about it later, to make sure that there’s nothing else she’s hoarding inside.

She goes through enough, has gone through enough over the years, and she shouldn’t feel like she has to hold things back from him.

But he saves his thoughts for later, letting his dad leave and letting Emma take a nap, her eyes falling shut without her even laying down on the couch. He wakes her before she can get into too deep of a sleep, though, knowing that it’ll hurt her back, and helps her go upstairs to their room, ignoring the curses she’s muttering under her breath about him waking her up. While she sleeps, he goes downstairs to his office, answering emails and clearing out his inbox that he left alone while they were in Spain.

Summer is normally a slow time for them, June and July full of engagements while August is usually taken off to spend in Balmoral. Emma’s due in September, though, a few days after his birthday, and she’s not working after August begins. He is, though, doing his regular work and making a few short trips, making sure never to never travel more than three hours away in case he needs to be home.

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have things to do now, organizing his files and reviewing the financials for Kidding a Goal until Indy comes walking into his office, her nails clicking against the wood until she’s staring up at him with her mouth wide open, tongue practically falling out of her mouth. He checks his watch and sees that it’s far past seven. He’s surprised she didn’t come and get him two hours ago.

“You ready to eat, my girl?”

That gets her tail wagging before she takes off, running toward the kitchen at such a pace that she’s probably there before he even gets up from his chair. Sure enough, she’s already waiting next to her bowl like the most well-behaved dog in the world, which is not something he expected when he and Emma decided to get a dog last year. But she’s done well, their training working most of the time, but Indy does have the tendency to lick his face when he’s sleeping. He’s not a fan of that.

But she’s his best bud and a constant companion on his runs, so it all evens out.

After feeding her, he hears footsteps coming down the stairs, Emma wandering into the kitchen with sleep-rumpled hair and pillow streaks on her face, her pajama top falling off of one shoulder. She immediately heads toward the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water and some yogurt before settling down on a barstool.

“How’d you sleep?”

She grunts in response, opening her yogurt and eating a large spoonful. “I hate being pregnant sometimes.”

“So not well then?”

“Nope. I felt like my guts were all being squeezed out, but do you know who’s not moving now that I’m awake and out of bed?”

“Andy.”

“Yep.”

She keeps eating her yogurt, quickly finishing it up before getting another carton. He should probably fix something for dinner so she doesn’t consume the entire yogurt supply in their fridge.

“Hey, sweetheart?”

“Yeah?” she mumbles, pulling her spoon out of her mouth and looking up at him, her hair deflating the slightest bit from when she came down.

“You want to tell me what that was earlier? With my dad. When did you decide you didn’t want to do the public announcement?”

“Oh, um, I first thought about it a few weeks ago, but it was really driven home after last week. Why? You have an issue with it?”

“No,” he laughs, leaning down across from her and propping his elbows on the counter. “I think it’s bloody brilliant, that you are brilliant. I like that you want to do things your way…our way. It’s very sexy.” “Oh boy, if you’re looking to get laid right now that is not happening.”

“Well damn. Now I have no reason to compliment you.”

“Shut up,” she groans, tossing her spoon over into the sink, the metal clanking. “But seriously, you’re okay with all that, right?”

“Of course. I want you to do what makes you comfortable. I’m not the one giving birth.”

“Damn right. I think I’m going to give your dad a heart attack though.”

“Aye, definitely. I know he’s trying and he’s being accommodating, but I could practically see the fear of breaking traditions rolling off of him in anxiety-filled waves. But he’s seventy-three. Some things just aren’t going to change.”

“So basically we hit the jackpot today?”

“Yep.” He walks over to the fridge, opening it up and seeing what they have left over from before they left. “What do you want for dinner?”

-/-

“Bloody buggering hell,” he curses, bringing his thumb to his mouth and soothing where he just jammed his finger on the wood.

Building a crib should not be this difficult, but it apparently is. He’s been following the instructions exactly, making sure that each piece is doubly secure, and he’s not sure how it’s taking this long. He should be finished, this crib should be made, and he should be able to move onto the shelves or Emma’s glider that she was insistent on them getting.

He’s spent more time in this room in the past month than he has in any other room in the house, June somehow running away with itself all while he’s been hidden away within these four walls. It took a month and a half for he and Emma to decide on a simple light gray, one that he’s pretty sure is also in their bedroom, but honestly, once they both agreed on the color (likely because they have agreed on it once before), he wasn’t going to say anything else. He did pick out the gray-ish blue that’s on the wall with the shelves (or at least where they’ll go once he gets to them), so he’s pretty proud of it.

Neither he or Emma are much one for designing, though they have gotten a bit more into it since the remodel of the apartment, but he’s pretty proud of how Andy’s room is shaping up, even if the lad will stay in the bassinet in their room for awhile. It’s a simple room, clean lines and clean colors. All of the furniture are different shades of white and warm browns, woods really, with natural accents. Abigail gifted them a large wooden giraffe along with some leaf and animal prints, so those are sitting in the corner waiting to be placed after all of this furniture is built.

His favorite part, though, is definitely going to be the little sitting area by the shelves and the changing table. He’s not under any impression that this is going to be a calm room, a place to relax, but he figures there have to be times when he’s rocking Andy back to sleep in that very spot, the shelves filled with colorful children’s books that’ll become routine reading one day as well as being filled with several stuffed animals and photo frames that he can’t wait to update with pictures. Of course, the cabinets below will be filled with the essentials, the things no one likes to talk about like diapers and nipple cream (that was something Emma did not want to know about, and he honestly doesn’t blame her), but they’re definitely still in the dreamy, picture perfect nursery phase where the messiness of a child isn’t quite a factor.

Really to him, as much as he knows this is real, as much as he sees the physical proof, feels the physical proof (which holy shit is it incredible to be able to feel his son move), it’s still difficult for him to comprehend that in two months he and Emma will have a child. It’s something they’ve talked about for years, something they were planning on, but it’s difficult to put into words just how much love he has for his son.

And his wife.

She’s a rockstar in every sense of the word, and if he doesn’t mention it enough, Emma sure as hell will. He loves her fiercely, and that love is another thing that he can’t quite put into words. He honestly doesn’t understand men who moan and groan about their wives constantly. If anything, he finds it disgusting. Yes, you’re going to have disagreements with your significant other. That’s natural when you decide to spend your life with someone who has their own wants, needs, and opinions, but at the end of the day, his wife is his best friend. If there’s anyone he wants to spend time with, it’s her. No question.

If the answer to who your best friend isn’t your spouse or the person you’re marrying, he doesn’t understand why the hell you’d bother getting married. His mates are great, but they’re not Emma.

Maybe he is a bit of the cheeseball that Emma always claims him to be, but he likes it that way.

He’s definitely going to embarrass his kids. All of the time. He can’t wait. He’s got a few years, but he can’t wait.

“You know we can hire someone to do this, right?” Emma asks, a bit of laughter in her tone that makes him roll his eyes. His best friend, most definitely. The teasing is just a small part of that.

“Aye, but I’ve started it, and I intend on finishing it.” “Okay, but the crib doesn’t need to fall apart while there’s a baby inside of it, and the glider doesn’t need to fall apart while I’m sitting on it. That’s, like, a double disaster, and I know you lived by yourself for a long time, but I’m pretty sure you’re not capable of that anymore.”

“Oh, really? Because I was just going to make them as unsafe as possible so that I could live by myself again. I miss being able to stretch out in the bed.”

“You’re so funny,” she teases from the other side of the nursery where she’s putting away the washed clothes in the closet, organizing them by size. He swears they have enough clothes to last Andy for the first two years of his life, and that’s not counting the piles of things he knows David and Mary Margaret have at their house. “I think I may have bought him too much stuff. I don’t even think I own this many things.”

“You don’t mess your clothes up multiple times a day.”

“Good point.”

“I tend to make those.”

“Eh. Debatable.”

“Not at all debatable.” He turns back to the crib, looking at the instructions to see if he can remember where he left off before Emma distracted him. “Shit, this is impossible.”

“I can call my dad, babe. It won’t be a problem. He’s a bit handier than you.”

“Please, I am plenty handy.”

“Okay, well being handy with me is not the same as being handy when it comes to building things.”

“If we call your dad, he’s going to take over. I want to do some of this myself.”

“I will tell Dad just to help. Come on, babe, you love spending time with my dad.”

“Only now that he doesn’t give me the scary speeches anymore.”

“Yeah, I bet those were a lot of fun.”

“I mean, it’s been a solid half a decade since I’ve gotten one, but he still shakes me to my core.”

He hears Emma laugh, snort really, before she makes her way over to him, slowly settling down on the floor next to him and waving her hand until he gives her the instructions. She looks over them while looking at the crib, her eyes continuously darting between the two.

“You put part G in backwards. That’s why nothing after that is fitting.”

“Bloody hell,” he curses, reaching over and taking the instructions from her hand and checking to see if she really did just solve his problem, “how did you see that when I’ve been staring at it for the past hour?”

“Fresh eyes, my love. Fresh eyes.” She leans forward and kisses his cheek before falling back against the wall. “And that’s exactly why calling my dad and asking him to come over in the morning will be a great idea. I bet Mom will want to come too, and she does a mean job with a power drill.”

So Emma calls her parents who agree to come over in the morning. On top of moving, they’ve also begun to change around the hours of the pub, opening it earlier and letting Will close it out at night. And it’s because of this that they show up at eight in the morning, he and Emma both still asleep when their doorbell rings. Emma groans when she hears it, burying her face into his chest and making it impossible for him to get up without disturbing her. He can feel Andy summersaulting around in her belly, and he smiles to himself knowing that she’s going to have get up. She can’t sleep when he’s moving around like that.

He can’t sleep when Emma’s basically running marathons in bed, but that’s not something he’s going to voice out loud. He can get up and sleep in a guest room if he needs to. Emma can’t get up and walk away from the person who’s running marathons in her stomach.

There’s two human feet inside of her. That’s pretty weird if he thinks about it too much.

Okay, so really weird.

Slowly but surely he gets out of bed, letting Emma flip over into his spot, and heads downstairs to open the front door. David and Mary Margaret have a key, but they never use it, always waiting for either he or Emma to open the door for them, which he appreciates after one too many times having them walk in on he and Emma.

“Hi,” he greets, opening the door and ushering them inside. “Emma’s still asleep, but I’m sure she’ll wake up soon. Do you guys want some breakfast?”

“We ate at home, sweetie,” Mary Margaret greets, giving him a quick hug before David does the same. “So Emma said you guys were having some issues in the nursery.”

“I believe that it was more like Killian not being able to put together a crib in under three weeks.”

“So funny, Dave,” he bites, rolling his eyes and locking the door. “I did eventually figure it out. I just think this mid-July heat is obviously getting to me. Or maybe nerves. I’m not too sure.”

“Well, let’s go help then. We’ve got to be at the pub at two, but I think we should be able to get things done.”

After he fixes himself some coffee, not nearly as wide awake as David and Mary Margaret, they head upstairs and begin working in the nursery, assembling the shelves and drilling them into the walls in half the time that it would have taken he and Emma had they done this by themselves. So maybe help isn’t all bad. Before Emma even wakes up, they have the shelves installed and pictures securely nailed on the wall. There are books already being stacked, stuffed animals and knick knacks being placed, and all of the fun nipple creams and breast pumps being placed in the cabinet.

They’re working on the glider when Emma finally wanders in, her hair falling out of its band so that half of it spills down her back while the other half is piled on top of her head, and she’s got her glasses on, something she only does when her eyes feel too puffy to put her contacts in.

“Hey, sweetheart,” David greets, finishing tightening the screw he’s working on before getting up to embrace Emma. “How are you feeling?”

“Rough today. I think the little dude’s a giant or something because he crushes my lungs and my bladder at the same time. So I can’t breathe, and I have to pee. So, yeah, it’s fun.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thanks, dad. It looks fantastic in here. You guys have done so much. I feel like we’re not going to have anything to do in the next two months if we finish all of this.”

“That’s kind of the point, love.”

“Yeah,” she yawns, covering her mouth, “I know. Mom, do you want to come and rest with me in my room? My back hurts today, and I just can’t sit on the floor in here with you guys.” “Of course, hon,” Mary Margaret answers, walking away from the closet and stepping over to Emma before she rubs up and down her back. “Are you sure you don’t want Killian to join you? David and I would be fine to work on our own.”

“No, it’s fine. I bug him all day, and I’m kind of thinking that you can paint my toes for me or we can watch movies or something. It’s been awhile since we’ve done that.”

“Text me if you need me, love,” he tells Emma, his eyes tracing over her in a bit of concern. It’s difficult watching her be uncomfortable or miserable on some days when he literally can’t do anything about it.

“Yeah, babe, I will.”

Emma and Mary Margaret walk out of the room, their voices fading away as they walk into their bedroom one room over, and he’s left with just David who promptly gets back to work finishing building the chair. Music plays in the background, an eighties’ playlist he thinks, and it doesn’t take longer before the chair is completely together and he’s sitting in it testing it out. It’s comfortable, probably one of the best seats they have in the house, and he can definitely understand why Emma insisted on this one after shopping around a bit.

“How does someone so small have so much stuff?”

“My child is twenty-eight years old, we don’t even live in her childhood home anymore, and I swear things of hers still pop up all of the time.”

“That’s likely because Emma leaves everything all over the place.”

He folds his hands behind his head, closing his eyes and rocking back and forth while Cherry Bomb plays in the background, which is definitely not a nursery appropriate song. Or maybe it is. Who needs Mozart when you can have The Runaways?

“So is Emma like that every day?”

“Like what?” he asks, popping an eye open to look at David who’s sitting against the shelves, which can’t be good for his back. God, how old is he getting if his first concern is for someone else’s back?

“Exhausted.”

“No, not every day. She’s usually got a hell of a lot of energy, even if there’s always a nap. I think she had a restless night. She’ll tell me like it is, though. If she’s having a bad day, she’ll let us know.” “What about you?”

“Well, I don’t have a baby crushing my lungs and my bladder.”

“True,” David laughs, running his hands through his short hair. Killian swears it’s gotten more gray in the past year, the blonde nearly disappearing. David is only fifty-two, so he’s not exactly older. Hell, if it weren’t for the wrinkles on his forehead and the gray hairs outnumbering the blonde, he’d look much younger. “But I remember being a dad for the first time. It’s terrifying, so you’re allowed to be scared.”

“I am. It’s…” He reaches up and scratches behind his ear, his hair getting long enough that he knows he needs to get a haircut soon. “Emma and I try to make sure that we keep up our normal routines, that we have our normal conversations without talking too much about the baby, but it’s kind of hard, you know? It’s like we’ll be talking about going out to eat and two minutes later we’re making a list of middle names or speculating if he’s going to look more like me or Emma.”

“I know. But it’s an exciting time, Killian. There will never be anything like it, and if you want to talk about the fact that you’re having a kid, you should. You and Emma have been together for so long, and I really don’t think your relationship is going to struggle if you’re not sitting around making references no one else understands for hours on end.”

“Oi,” he protests, resisting the urge to pick up the toy elephant next to him and throw it at David, “that is your daughter you’re mocking, and she can still kick your ass.”

“Trust me, I know. Who do you think raised her to be like that?”

“Mary Margaret.”

“You’re walking a thin line.”

He winks at David, his lips ticking up on the right into a smirk. “I know. You and Mary Margaret did such a good job, still do such a good job, and even with all of the times you’ve messed up – ”

“ – which is a lot more often than even Emma has probably told you.”

“I just…you’re a good dad, Dave. To Emma, to me. I hope I can do half as good as a job.”

“You’ll be great, Killian.” David smiles at him, something genuine, and Killian’s reminded of how much David really has impacted his life in all of the best ways. “I promise. And as much as I love you, I do love my little girl more, and she’s going to be amazing. She’s always…she’s never been too open to a lot of people, but the people she loves, she loves so fiercely, you know? And she’s already doing so well at being a mom. She’ll call me at nights, and I can just hear the happiness and excitement in her voice. At the end of the day, that’s all you want, you know? For your kid to be healthy and happy.”

“Yeah, I know.” He smiles to himself, thinking of how happy he is. “Also, how dare you imply that you love your own daughter more than me. I thought I meant more to you than that. I thought we had something special, man.”

“I can still give you hell. I’d watch yourself.”

He and David finish up in the nursery for the next few hours until David and Mary Margaret have to go to work, leaving after the three of them eat lunch down in the kitchen, Emma staying upstairs for a nap. When the Nolans are gone and he’s finished eating, he heads upstairs, bypassing the nursery and walking into their bedroom where Emma is sitting up on the bed watching TV.

“Your toes look nice,” he compliments, grabbing onto her big toe and moving it back and forth. “Do you feel any better?”

“Yeah,” she sighs, twisting onto her back and scooting up the bed, “it’s just one of those days, you know? I’m not usually this miserable.”

“I know, but it’s okay to have bad days, love.”

“Come here,” she tells him, crooking her fingers and motioning toward him before she turns on her side and wraps her arms around her pillow. He does as she asks, kicking off his sneakers and crawling up into the bed, the mattress moving against his weight until he’s pressed up behind her, his knee stuck between her thighs and his arm wrapped around her waist while the other rests above her head. This is how she’s been comfortable lately, and he can’t say he minds. “Did you guys get a lot done?”

“Aye, it’s almost all finished.” He moves her hair off of her neck, placing a kiss there before resting his chin on her shoulder. “It just needs your finishing touches, I think.”

“And we have to unpack all of the boxes that are in the guest room and put them away in the closet.” “That too, but we’ve got time, Emma.” She hums, and he can feel the vibrations as well as Andy moving around under his touch, the movements following how he taps his fingers. “Has he been active today?”

“Not since I woke up, but he always responds to your voice.” “Yeah, he recognizes me?”

“Of course, you talk so damn much. How could he not?”

He turns his head and presses a kiss against her jaw, biting a bit just to tease her. “You are not a very nice woman, my love.”

“Oh please, I’m, like, the seventh nicest person you know.”

“Seventh?”

“I figured it was conceited to put me at number one.”

“Possibly.” He moves his hand against her stomach again, snaking his fingers up under her pajama top so that he can feel the warmth of her skin. “So he really does get more active when I talk?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty weird to think about, but it’s true. He likes when you talk. I think it’s because you’re a much better story teller than me.” “I mean, obviously.”

“And that he’s probably just glad to hear someone else besides me. Imagine being stuck with someone for nine months. Good God.”

“Well, I’m stuck with you for forever. Good God.”

She groans and curses him under his breath before she scoots over and turns in his arms, slowly but surely moving to face him. “Don’t be an asshole. Also, so I was talking to mom today, and she wants to be called Mimi. I think Dad wants to be called Papa, which I like as long as that’s not what you want. I know that’s what some kids call their dads.”

“Aye, it’s what Lizzie calls Liam, which is weird since Alex doesn’t do that. But I’m okay with dad or daddy, so David can be called Papa.”

“Yeah, I kind of like it. Mimi and Papa. And then your parents are Gammy and Grandpa, right? That’s what Alex and Lizzie call them.”

“Aye, but I know Mom didn’t want to be Gammy. It’s just what happened. She says it makes her feel old.”

“Your mom is not old.”

“I know, but considering your parents are barely fifty while my parents are in their sixties and seventies, it doesn’t help.”

“I’ll tell my parents to get older then.”

He smiles at her before closing his eyes and settling into his pillow, letting his head sink down into the softness. It’s calming in here, the lights turned off and curtains closed while the ceiling fan hums a steady rhythm above them. He could fall asleep like this even if he’s not the biggest fan of naps, always somehow ending up groggy when he wakes up, and it doesn’t help with the way that Emma is playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, her fingers scratching into his scalp.

“Are you working tomorrow?”

He pops an eye open, looking at Emma and smiling when her nail hits a particularly sensitive spot on his neck. “Aye, I’ve got the Investiture ceremony at ten. Why?”

“Just wondering. I was thinking we could go somewhere. Just us. Maybe take Indy to Berkshire and let her run around, spend some time outside.” “We can do it in the afternoon, if you want. I think the weather is supposed to be nice.”

“Yeah,” she sighs, leaning forward and sliding her lips over his for a brief moment, “I think that would be nice.”

The next day after he’s finished with the ceremony, he hurries home, changing out of his suit and into shorts and a t-shirt, slipping a baseball cap onto his head and grabbing something to eat for lunch while Emma does the same, her hair falling out of the back of her hat in a long ponytail. They’ve got all day, but the afternoon’s weather is pleasant enough that he’d like to go now so they can stop by a café for dinner, even if that’s the absolute last thing that Thomas will want them to do.

They want their privacy, but they should be able to go out to dinner.

So he and Emma load up into his car, letting Indy sit in the backseat with the window rolled down so she can feel the mid-July breeze blow through her fur. It doesn’t take long to get to Windsor, pulling into their parking garage less than thirty minutes later, and instead of going inside like they’d usually do, he hooks Indy up to her leash while Emma grabs some water bottles and they head to the private gardens, avoiding the visitors wandering around on tours.

As much as he prefers the spring, mild July days are near the top of his list of favorite things. Everything is brighter, more pleasant. The grass is actually greener, the flowers contrasting against their background to create a landscape of whites and shades of purple, while everything is covered in a clear blue sky, only a few white clouds scattered throughout. New life blooms, and he gets to be the one to appreciate it, to revel in it. England can be so dreary sometimes, the weather somehow reflecting the moods of most people on their morning commute to work, so he appreciates when it’s not. He’s always loved the outdoors, and if there’s any complaint he has about his home, it’s the small private garden that they have to themselves. He’d like something larger, more space to run around, and sometime in the future, he and Emma plan to spend more time in Bucklebury so that they have the privacy.

That’s what they’ve decided on since returning from Spain last month. There’s been more lengthy, draining discussions with his parents and their security team than he’s ever wanted, and as much as he feels like they haven’t really accomplished anything, he knows it’s a slow process. Of course, there are drawbacks to every positive. They’re still going to have to spend most of their time at Kensington. It’s closer to their work, to their families. Hell, Emma’s parents just bought a house so that they could have the ability to spend time with their grandchild, and now they’re going to move away from them. It’s less than an hour drive, but it’s not nearly as close as they currently are.

But everyone understands, and they don’t plan on moving any time soon, not until Andy’s a bit older. They want to be near all of their loved ones when he’s younger, and they’ve spent so much time working on their home, making it exactly how they want. It’d be difficult to leave full time, so it’ll be nice to have the option of both.

It’ll be even nicer to give Andy the most normal life that they can possibly give him.

Emma whistles next to him, her fingers between her lips, while Indy runs back to them from where they let her loose. She was about five seconds away from jumping into a pond full of fish, and as much as they’d usually let her swim, they don’t need to have a wet dog with them for the rest of the day. So she runs back to them as quickly as she can, her legs leaping in the air with her black and white fur bouncing the slightest bit. He’s convinced that she shouldn’t be able to be that quick, but she’s still just a young dog, less than a year old, and though her legs will get longer, he doesn’t think she’ll ever be full of this much energy again.

If she is, he and Emma are definitely in over their heads.

With the dog.

He’s going to choose to not think of what it’ll be like with a toddler than can run and a dog that he can run after.

After she calms from her almost pond dive, Indy walks along in front of the two of them, occasionally wandering off the stone path to sniff around in the plants, nearly tearing up several flowers until they call her back to keep walking. They stay wandering for a little over two hours, not caring where exactly they’re going or if they’re circling back around in the same spots. Indy and Emma get tired around the same time, so they settle down onto a stone bench with a patio cover that’s next to another small pond.

In the distance, he can see the Chapel where they were married, the steeple rising up above the other buildings and stone walls, and he smiles to himself thinking of that day. In the grand scheme of things, he knows that when it comes to he and Emma, as important as it was, they had so many smaller, inconsequential days that he holds just as fondly in his heart.

But that was a pretty damn good day.

He stretches his arm out over the back of the bench, wrapping it around Emma’s shoulder and tangling his fingers into the ends of her ponytail while she leans her head on his shoulder, the bill of her hat hitting him in the chin for a brief moment. He’s glad she suggested them getting away from London for a little bit, for suggesting that they change up the routine and spend a day enjoying summer, especially since they’re missing out on Scotland with the rest of the family.

A month in the same place as everyone is likely a bit long, anyways. He loves his family, but that’s a lot for anyone.

“I love you, you know?” Emma asks out of nowhere, her gaze never falling away from the rippling of the water in front of them, a fish leaping up out of the water while the lily pads float around.

He squeezes her shoulder, rubbing up and down her arm and kissing her head even if she can’t feel it through the hat. “I know. I love you too.”

[flower-of-the-desert]

City of Bones Thoughts

So full disclosure, I came into this with hella low expectations and prepared for the worst thing I’ve ever read basically. Many of that is because of the comments I’ve seen from other people and if I’m being completely honest? I disagree with about 90% of the things I’ve seen them say about this book. So there’s that. My thoughts in no particular order are below, I’ll try to keep it brief since otherwise it’s gonna get sooo long (my notes ended up being 14 pages which I debated whether I should just post them or not but decided to just give a summed up version instead).

Overall, I enjoyed this book a whole lot more than I ever thought I would and I love that. I absolutely loved many things from world-building elements to character interactions and conflicts and resolutions and I’m definitely looking forward to the next ones.

1) I like the writing style; one thing I’ve always liked about CC’s books is that it’s easy to read them because the writing isnt some pretentious attempt at sounding smart, it’s simple and easy to understand and I very much enjoy that. And it’s actually a bit better than TID? which I didnt expect but in TID there were a lot - and I mean a lot - of repetitions and the same descriptions used a million times in like a page-two pages max which was kind of annoying and I thought it would be the same here but it wasnt which again, I enjoyed very much.

2) I like the basic idea of the plot, there was nothing super shocking about it, of course, since I’ve already watched the show but I like the idea of the whole hidden world, angels vs demons, warlocks, magic, vampires and werewolves and all that; I’ve said before and I’ll say again, one of my favourite - if not the favourite - things about these series is the universe that it created. It has some of my all time favourite tropes and world-building elements and it’s the first thing I fell in love with.

3) I like Hodge being the guy backstabbing the heroes and the foreshadowing of that; it was subtle enough that if I didnt know I wouldnt immediately realise it but if I reread the book or read it already knowing what he’ll do it’s super fun to pick up on the little clues.

4) I loved that we actually got a resolution to the Clary/Alec conflict - and a satisfactory one at that! I absolutely didnt expect there to be one but I adore that their big fight was properly addressed and they both handled it in a mature responsible way.

5) Speaking of the big fight - one of my favourite scenes of the book! And one of the things I strongly disgaree that it was So PrObLeMaTiC; I mean yes, both of them were wrong to act the way they did, absolutely, but like people arent always fucking perfect? Sometimes they do bad things, they lash out and hurt other people in a moment of high emotions, etc. It doesnt make them terrible people forever more (especially if they apologize and realise their mistakes, which both  Clary and Alec did). So in that repsect I fucking loved that scene - it was emotional, it was ugly but incredibly true to both characters and what they’ve been bottling up since the start of the story. And like I said, it had an actual resolution which makes it even better.

6) Another favourite scene - MAGNUS (is anyone surprised anymore). Every time Magnus was in a scene or was mentioned I might have definitely screamed. It be my brand. The scene where the gang goes to him for help is just amazing - everything about it; some many things going on, Magnus’s reluctance to help shadowhunters vs his fondness for Clary, Jace trying to blackmail him with the treath of the Clave like a typical shadowhunter, Alec’s quiet observations of Magnus and how he was the first and only one to not get upset with him and to assure him his past isnt his fault (also speaking of that, if Magnus shared his past with his step-father in this scene then doesnt that create a slight plot hole with TRSOM where he shares the same story with Alec? Although I assumed this was the first time Alec was hearing it but I dont think anything indicated this int he scene itself? Also Magnus was very brief here and didnt go into details so that could also be a reason). Magnus’s struggle to express to Clary that different doesnt always mean better and also how upset he got with the implication that he might have done something to “break” her when all he’s ever wanted was to help - I love him so damn much. Also I love love how utterly unimpressed he is with shadowhunters still and how badass bossy he is and how he still managed to slip in some knock-downs on the Clave and shadowhunters by reminding Clary she isnt better than the rest of them.

7) “Keep it in your pants, shadowhunter” only a true King(TM) can open his introduction scene like this.

Also “Not for free, darling, and you cant afford me” -  BEST LINE OF THE WHOLE BOOK

8) Magnus throwing a birthday party for his cat - ❤️❤️❤️

9) Another scene I love and I think it did a great job of setting up both characters is the convo bw Alec and Isabelle while Clary is unconscious - I made a seperate post just about that because I liked it that much but basically I love that we see Isabelle being rather judgemental while Alec - the gay shadowhunter living in a unaccepting society is the one that seems to be missing that quality and comes to the defence of people more often than not.

10) Speaking of Alec, I really really like him so far; he’s sweet and clever and sarcastic in a different way than Jace and apparently has the one brain cell of the whole Institute 99% of the time (the other 1% is when  Church has it) which is just a perfect recipe for a favourite character in my dictionary. I hope I keep liking him because after three seasons of wanting to punch show!Alec in the face, I really need this. Another agrument I disagree with comes with Alec’s fighting skills and people saying CC made her gay character deliberately weak... but like the narrative explicitly points out several times that Alec hasnt killed a demon yet not because he’s weak but because he focused on watching Jace and Izzy’s backs and using more defensive tactics rather than offensive. And then in the fight with Abbadon all of them are shown to be shaking in fear and basically useless against the demon, not only Alec. Jace - the golden hero - cant do anything either so I fail to see this as a slight against Alec. The fact that Isabelle and Jace arent dead yet should be proof enough that Alec is good at his job.

11) people getting called out for doing/saying shitty things at various points - I love that song

12) there’s a lot more self-awareness than I originally anticipated.

13) “You need to know someone to love them” - book!Alec be speaking from my soul

14) I liked rat!Simon 100% more than human!Simon and that should tell you all you need to know about my feelings about him.

15) the finale scene between Clary, Luke, Jace and Valentine - I loved that. Although I knew what would happen it still gripped me in a way I didnt expect and I was practically on the edge of my seat. The way Jace struggled with his feeling for his father, Clary trying to break him out of it, Luke and Valentine facing off - there was so much emotion going on and characters pushing each other and interacting in meaningful ways and arh, I loved it.

16) Jace’s portrayl as an abuse victim makes so much sense like every word and action makes sense given his backstory and it really makes me feel for him... except that one scene where he manipulates Alec into coming with them when he didnt want to by hitting on his insecurities. That was one thing I wished had also been addressed in the end.

17) Things I didnt enjoy - the girl hate between Clary and Isabelle and Simon’s nice guy bullshit. Both can kindly fuck off. Those are probably my biggest complains in this book which I hope with that ending we’re going to fix at least the first issue.

[hiraethstill]

THIS WEEK AND LAST WEEK ON DAIYA NO ACE (7/16 and 7/23)

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!

7/16 LIVEBLOG:

IMMEDIATE assault by eijun's handsome face

and his DETERMINATION

every time the OP comes on im like where are the babies? THERE THEY ARE @ firsties

the way i GASPED

THIS IS HOW WE FELL IN LOVE WITH EIJUN I TELL YOU

haha poor audience member doesnt know sawamura is mostly good at swinging from the bunt stance

eijun... you have every right to be frustrated

ugh... the way he looks when he was a doormat to the ace... i feel this too much my chest hurts

"if i had pitched like furuya did today i wouldve been subbed out" TOO TRUE AND OUCH

HE HITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

THE BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGENDDD

AND JUST LOOK AT ASADA AND KUKI'S F A C E S

DOUBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

lmao did eijun learn to run bases from mochi? now i want this

uhhh the announcer was wrong? the STANDS were all cheering and happy, it was mostly the dugout that was surprised

bc this is level of trust he gets from first string sigh

sorry all my frustration is here

HAHA OKAY BUT why does this look gayalso sawamura's little "na!" with the pew pew is so cute wtf

his lil cheeky face in the corner im hashjdlkdgj

haruichi and toujou in that shot look like they'd been helping him practice batting and it paid off 

hslkhg eijun and his "hips!" i cant

KANEMARUUUUUUUUU

HELL YEAH TAKUMI NICE SHOULDER

nice eijun is safe

haha i never know who to root for bc i love all the bois

okay but

has anyone ever talked about how cool amahisa's eyes are???

i mean

look at this

so cool

yoooo wtf amahisa's voice in this part is really appealing??? damnn

so... kanemaru's a capable batter even if he's not top tier, why you gotta keep making him bunt

oh well, i like that face you're making kanemaru

noooooooooooo

it's okay kanemaru you did your best

cmon mochi bring him home!!!!!!!!!!

EIJUN ENOUGH WITH THE HIPS LMAO

yeah thats right mochi + other batters, give him the run support he deserves

AMAHISA THE DISASTER BI IM

"did he shave his eyebrows? he looks like a strong fighter" are you just checking him out

you'd want him to do those jump kicks amahisa

moon-face?????

omg i feel the tinglings... of a rarepair... amakura.....................

what was i saying about his EYES??

come the fuck ON dont leave eijun stranded on second!!!!!!

H

HHHHH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

MY BOISSSSSSSSSSS

SHOW ME YOUR FACEEE

(and u rite yall amahisa is yabai)

THERE BE YOUR FACEEEE

IM SO EMOTIONAL

AND HIS VOICE

FUCKLE

AND HIMSTDVEEE

whoaaa that slowmo pitching sequence!

HARUCCHIII

oh hello eijun upping the tempo and looking great doing it

wow this super HD sparkle miyuki

EIJUN IS BEAUTIFULLLL and lowkey this looks like the OP

ASADA AND KUKI MY SONS I WOULD DIE FOR YOUUUUUUUUUUUU

BEING SO EXCITED ABOUT THE CUTTER KAI AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I ALSO LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

HLKDHFS AURA

okay sun we gettin a lil cap happy

another pretty eijun shottttt

WHOA 3D BALL

3D SLOWMO BALL

N* H* TT * R

i feel like i jinxed him sorry eijun

also i LOVE when the stands yell OSH OSH OSH back

wow toujou's voice was. so cute??

noriiiii i love you so much and thank you

furuya silently reflecting huh?

YO WTF IN THE MANGA NORI'S CAP COVERS FURUYA'S NUMBER WTF ANIMATORS ITS ICONIC

awww theyre all patting him i wanna pat eijun too

NORIIIIII YOU ARE SO PRECIOUS

kanemaru's eyes are gray??

kousei-san.......... mayhaps i have.......... Feelings about this

"gureato" man tahara is great

HLJSKDFHKGSFJGKFHDGLDF BLONDE AMAHISA

THIS IS JUST FUELING MY AMAKURA LMAOOO

WHY IS BLONDE HAIR IN MIDDLE SCHOOL A RUNNING JOKE IN ANIME

kuramochi, amahisa, hyuuga from knb, alla dem yankees

oh my god is that suddenly shaved head amahisa still in first year he's so smol

wow kousei is so eccentric haha i love it

YESSS BRINGING BACK MANAKA-BOY

omg yakushi cameo!!

wow this is so pleasant to look at and idk why??

his eyeeesss

and this too omgg

I SEE NISHINO

omgggg are they who i think they are

YES THEY AREANIMATORS REALLY BE FEEDING ME TODAY

sorry mimei that was too much tension in a single glance not to be homoerotic

go shirasu-senpai!

wellll shit, rip zono and rip seidou

142 pitches???????? are they throwing out amahisa's arm imma fight

YO OKAY BUT DOES THIS MEAN INAJITSU VS ICHIDAI

"that wouldnt be any fun" uh you do realize you're talking about a person's physical health right audience member???

the. ace. is. not. the. only. player.

its okay this is the peanut gallery they dont matter in the long run

omg are the first years wearing their school uniform slacks

AWWWW TAKU OFFERED TO CARRY SAWAMURA'S BAG

taku always worried about everyone and sawamura looking rather nice actually

HLJSKFDHGD AMAHISA'S FACE LIGHTING UP AT EIJUN

omg was that a little bow eijun made at amahisa before moving on?

"something i want to ask you" are you boutta ask him out amahisa

im sorry i love eyes too much

and also! eijun getting the recognition he deserves!! buuuut from another team rip

cmon eijun he's trying to be nice tbh

lmao koushuu and shirakawa should meet... resting bitch face club 

"i've never seen kousei-san take interest in another pitcher" THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS TO UNPACK IN THIS STATEMENT

LMAO HE DID HE DID ASK FOR HIS LINE

my sonsssss

yes asada and kuki, be free! go move around!

asdkfh i just squee every time taku

and these lines on koushuu look so nice??

intense son

scremmm

he's so happy and fired up to see koushuu fired up im

wholeass Sons™

lmao koushuu getting mad for sawamura

my inexperience... yes kataoka

teito and inajitsu coaches lmao

500K rivals to fwb to lovers

ive always thought kunitomo's neck crack is so funny

UHHHHH CARLOSHIRA REALLY TOYING WITH MY HEART HERE

THIS IS NOT OKAY

IM NOT OKAY

mochi looking mighty fine in this shot

aw... ejun sitting alone....

just wanna say oda and kuroki very lesbian in the ED

preview

ooh mei batting

sawamura and furuya watching so intently!!

INUI KENGOOOOOO

aw... eijun turning to harucchi for support

oh man third years...

SUMMARY (7/16):

eijun DOUBLES!! 

rip seidou tho 

amahisa's eyes??? pretty??? 

ATTACC BY INAJITSU CAMEO 

taku offering to carry eijun's bag + serious senpai face 

careful amahisa your gay is showing 

koushuu mad on eijun's behalf lmao

inajitsu vs teito next!

7/23 LIVEBLOG:

ah yes, that tension-filled mimei look

CAN THEY STOP TESTING ME WITH CARLOSHIRA SCREENS

ooh this parallel of mei and mukai #1s

why does mei look so young at bat lmao

rather nice shot of mukai tbh

omg that tiny background akamatsu is adorable

WOW i love this shot

hell yeah mei kicking ass and taking names

boi... what you doin

KANETOU RIGHTS

kuraharu rights too!!

wow mochi's voice, never over it

BOI ARE THEY JUST SHOWING SHIPS LOOK AT MINORI

lookit mochi bein a good senpai

ooh eijun finally said no huh

mochi and harucchi look so concerned tbh i am too

mm and miyuki and furuya too huh

WHAT IS THIS BLEP STAHP

oowada always cracks me up lmao

esp when mine is so grave next to her

oh so mukai likes gambling? im not surprised lmaooo

INUI-SANNN I LOVE YOUUU

THE BOIIII

HE

H E

H I M S T

omg the way tetsu says carlos sounds all proud and im soft

PRETTY BOIS DOIN J O B S

GETTIN THAT BREAD

omg two RBIs too good job shirakawa!!!

omg im so glad mei encouraged itsuki

have i ever mentioned

inui x mukai RIGHTS

ESP THIS SEQUENCE OF MUKAI (AND INUI) PRACTICING

BOIIII

that toujou face... some toujou and mukai art i saw comes to mind

DAMN THE IMAGE WHEN INUI HITS IM WOW

also is carlos actually wearing his compression undershirt holy wow

he didnt used to at least

ANYWAY INUI DINGERRRRRRRRRRRRRR

HELL YAHHH

omg was that a little tiger next to inui SO CUTE

oh my god "mei-san mei-san" too cute

LMAO TOO LONG

MEI I SWEAR

yoo mei you okay there

SLOW MO BALL

okay why does he look so good please

OKAY WHY DOES HE LOOK SO GOOD PLEASE

do you know how many times i had to rewind for this screenshot

shirakawa also looks good frustrated fuckle

mei stop shakin off signs dammit

ooh nice akamatsu shot

seidou shares one (1) brain cell in this screen

much too short a game damn...

ive heard we were robbed of itsuki's blush??? cause hello i need catcher catcher goodness with him and inui

omg... they're literal children

SSLKDFHLSKDHGSSTOPPPPPPPPP

IM WEAK OKAY

I KNOW IT

I ACCEPT IT

HOW DAREMSTDVE

AND HIS V O I C E

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFF

hahaha anyway im just laughing at carlos being a momentary harada

"mei-san" !!!

mei x mukai... so chaotic

wow amahisa looks so nice???

lmao they really didnt HAVE to put harucchi in the bg when miyuki's talking to furuya but they DID

miyuki... looking at mei too long not to be homo there

eijun :c

oh man

that really hurt

the face of a SON tho

"so you are human after all" so many things i want to say about this

sawamura... doesn't seem to hold a grudge against furuya at all and honestly wow...

tho its def not furuya's fault i think thats a mark of him being pretty mature!

anyway im glad furuya wants to watch the video too

also nabe!!!!! i wonder how close eijun and nabe are and how many times eijun has bothered him for the videos haha

ochiai, a backup catcher... interesting

"he must overcome this on his own" do you know how many problems there are with this statement

yeah it wasnt fair

"for better or for worse" are you kidding

oh furusawa lmaoo

and nabe just patient over there

oh hello masayui and kanetou

anime fist clench

koushuu!!!

oh man miyuki introspection......... i know where this is going.........

appreciating sawamura's hard work and optimism!!!!!

HE IS READY DAMMIT

how many more times does he have to prove it to you

loveLY but also reused?

WOW IM EMOTIONAL ALL THESE MEMORIES...

ALSO THIS IS PRETTY DAMN GAY...

and the shadow of miyuki in the background... WOW

three months............. until the third years retire...........................................

im not okA Y............................

all the things this smile hides

preview

BOI YOU ALREADY PITCH THAT WELL

wow too many sons

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

BABY TAKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

AND BABY KOUSHUU

END CARD WITH MANAGERS AAA CUTE

SUMMARY (7/26):

mei kicking ass and taking names 

mukai and his fooken BLEP 

PRETTY INAJITSU BOIS DOIN JOBS 

INUI DINGERRR 

inui/mukai rights 

mei + mukai actual CHILDREN 

carloshira stop attaccing sun challenge f a iled 

eijun @ harucchi :c 

three months... 

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! 

[briarjay]

too much discourse *dies*

time for me to writer essays...great. 

SO....i just got 5  anon asks and they are all written in such bad grammar i have no idea what they are truly trying to ask me????

so i will attempt to write a fuck ton of stuff to explain things...

part 1 of my anon essays: 

i would like to bring the headcanon/speculation that matt just graduated, which makes him either 18 or 19. we dont know if the garrison is just like american high school where it goes from: 14-15 (freshmen); 15-16 (sophomore); 16-17 (junior); 17-18 (senior); and perhaps 18-22 for like the college level or whatever it would be. for all we know, matt was far ahead in school for being a prodigy or something, and therefore when he graduated, they picked him for the mission too (and it helps that his dad was there too, if i remember correctly). 

as for the second anon in that pic above, i could explain it again so it wont be “biased.” i could go into the other ships too, but i dont have the episodes or videos of the other ships moments (i have videos from youtube of klance moments from season 1 and season 2). 

complete no bias mode (since this anon didnt think i was unbiased enough):

How Klance makes sense.

  It is a common trope for two characters to start off not liking one another,  then they gradually-over time- learn to work together, respect each other, and care for one another; thus growing from rivals/frenemies, to true friends. this friendship will have ups and downs, since before they were friends, they used to bicker and not get along that often. then from there, the slow burn (which jeremy shada has referenced the slow burn effect before in an interview [i wish i could find things so i can source my sources...ugh]). 

in season 1, lance provokes keith due to his side of the rivalry (which is speculated to be a one sided rivalry because most of the time in season 1, lance is the one provoking a response out of keith). and in season 1, there are small scenes where a lot of klance shippers like to interpret that keith glances or looks at lance. there are instances in season 1 where keith attempts to be more friendly with lance in his own special way. such as when they are on the couch and lance is saying “idk if i can sleep tonight” and keith says “when my head hits the pillow, it’ll be lights out.” and the scene where lance says “i actually dont hate you right now.”

 and to UNBIASEDLY “analyze” the bonding moment scene. keep in mind keith has been a loner. the only person he trusts a lot is shiro. so when he actually connects to lance, he is experiencing something new. keith literally holds lance’s hand for that entire scene and they genuinely smile at eachother. putting the “bias” aside, what could this mean? it means that underneath his one-sided rivalry, lance actually likes keith as a friend or at the very least his trusted comrade; for keith, he smiles because he finally connected to someone and that someone being lance, who he only ever bickered with from time to time before then. so what does keith do when lance is in the healing pod? he is anxious and irritated because he wants to make sure his new friend is okay and he cant even go a day without lance being around and talking (since lance is talkative and loud). which is why keith is anxious and tries tapping the pod to get lance to come out sooner so he can be with his new friend (also the pouty face is a nice touch). so when lance DOES get out of the healing pod, keith smiles and is obviously genuinely happy to see him (we dont see keith smile that often, but he smiled at lance while maintaining eye contact. how nice for friendship, huh?). but what does lance do? he flirts with allura, making everyone irritated and this includes keith when he crosses his arms (an action that means he is closing himself off to others) and says “classic.” and it gets worse when lance claims to forget the bonding moment (which could be genuine forgetfulness due to his physical condition at the time; or just revenge for keith not remembering lance from the garrison). keith expresses his hurt, even getting a voice crack out of him, which is like a whine, which seems a bit uncharacteristic from someone as closed off as keith makes himself out to be on the outside. the point here? lance brings out all kinds of new emotions and expressions out of keith. to finish off season 1 moments- and when lance is cuffed to the tree, we see a more playful side to keith, something we never see since, i dont think... yeah, no that just adds to the bolded ^

so since all that went down in season 1, season 2 amplifies their friendship. when we see the lions get sucked into space, lance calls out keith’s name first, showing he does care. and to continue the point of lance actually, genuinely caring for keith: when the red lion is going to save keith, lance looks to allura and is worried and he obviously wants allura to say something to get keith safe. now, like in my previous klance post, i talked about how the elevator scene meant a lot more. this is what i mean. they still act a bit childish, since they are 16-17 in age and they dont want to get along 100% yet...they dont want to hang out at the pool together, but yet they still go in the elevator together. in the elevator scene, they work together. they have their bickering, but then they get the same idea and work together to get there and get out of the elevator shaft. then after, when they are summoned upstairs to help, they immediately work together better: they warn eachother of where the enemy is and keith goes in to help lance until their controls go away (”i got you covered! i-uh, i dont got you...”). like after working together in the elevator, they work together without bickering and help eachother. this is obviously building up their team dynamic because in season 3, they’ll have to work together nicely because shiro wont be there anymore and not only is shiro the leader--thus him not being there would mean someone has to take his leadership role-- but also because in season 1, shiro was the one telling lance to stop bickering with keith or for both of them to stop acting a certain way. with shiro gone, these two will have to work together even more so than before. 

How Sheith doesn’t make sense. 

we do not have keith and shiro’s backstory as of yet. where did they first meet? why is keith only trusting of shiro? why does shiro put so much pressure on keith when he knows keith is too hot headed and rash to be leader so soon? STILL me putting bias aside: it is obvious that these two know eachother from before the garrison or at the very least from the garrison. this is why keith only trusts shiro and why he goes to rescue shiro in the first place in the first episode. the biggest reason why this does not make sense: shiro is 25 and keith is 16-17 and that in itself is unhealthy and not to mention against most country’s age of consent and who is considered an adult. anyone under 18 is not a legal adult in the united states of america. not to mention an age gap of 9 years is a bit of a stretch since keith still isnt even 18 which makes it worse. now, from a relationship stand point, keith looks up to shiro almost like a big brother figure. he even says so in season 2, which anti-sheiths really like to cling too. aging up keith or making shiro younger still doesnt matter or count in the canon universe where keith is canonically a child and shiro is canonically an adult (mid-twenties too i might add; which is worse because he’s midway to being 30!!!).  a mentally healthy adult, such as shiro, would never be with someone who isnt even legally an adult. keith is a child. he is is 16 at the beginning of the show. he acts immature (such as whenever lance provokes him into an argument or competition) and also he doesnt think before he acts which is an immature tendency due to his hot headed nature over all. he isn’t at the same mental maturity as either shiro or allura. the reason why anti-sheiths like to rub the “you’re like a brother to me” scene in sheith shipper’s faces is because it’s basically “sibling-zoning” someone which is aligned with “Friend zoning” someone as well. once you view someone as a sibling, it is very unlikely for it to change into something romantic later on-- which in itself is doubtful just due to the almost a DECADE age gap between the two anyways. the way shiro gives keith advice such as to not rush head first into a situation (i forgot the exact quote); it is very brotherly like and mentor like. someone keith looks up to, which is why he trusts shiro above the others (heck, even above allura due to keith’s disinterest in saving allura in season 1). 

How Kallura is an...enigma? 

I truly do not know what to make of this anymore because in the past voltron series, this pairing WAS canon and as far as my knowledge goes, the only romance in the old shows (correct me if im wrong. i dont know a lot of the old voltron series). in the remake, voltron legendary defender, this doesnt make sense. 

How Kallura in VLD doesn’t make sense. 

so in VLD, keith and allura dont even interact. the thing with making couples end game (which means despite everything in the series, at the end of it, these two characters will get married, etc.) is that you need to establish something from the VERY BEGINNING. 

for example, i will use shikamaru and temari from the Naruto series. their introduction to eachother is a bit off since they end up having to fight eachother during the chunin exams. their initial dynamic isnt very nice, but in shippuden (basically naruto part 2) it is established that the two get along after the time skip and they now work together. it isn’t a main character couple, but you still get to see them working together often enough and in shikamaru’s novel, it goes over the relationship more (and in the shippuden anime, in the last couple of episodes, we see it play out for ourselves and temari has an interest in him given how much time they HAVE been spending together over the course of shippuden). so in summary of this comparison, ShikaTema has that background of once not getting along, but later they just simply work together now and its a better developed dynamic. 

in VLD, keith and allura hardly ever interact one on one, or even in a really big scene with all the main characters, keith doesnt say anything to allura in season 1 that stands out. it is common in shows that if a guy is into girls, it will be made a bit obvious: a comment about how a girl looks, a blush when around a girl of interest, a small remark about said girl, anything small like this, etc. But in VLD, keith doesn’t show interest in Allura. And even when Nyma was around in season 1, keith doesn’t pay attention to her either (a case could technically be made that since lance was all over nyma, keith didnt want to compete with him at that time, but this isn’t what i personally think). and instead of Nyma, keith talks to the male alien instead (whose name i’ve forgotten. is it Rolo?). and like i’ve mentioned numerous times, keith didnt even want to save allura in season 1. he was angry about it and if i remember correctly, the only one to protest against saving allura. what i was saying in my previous anti-kallura posts, was that if keith even had a smidge of interest in allura as a boy, then he wouldn’t have protested and would instead be working hard to get her back and agree with lance (putting his rival aside to get the girl, sounds about right to me if you think kallura should be a thing). 

in season 2, it is the same here. there are no implications of keith even liking allura. instead of keith having moments with allura, it’s shiro, which is why shallura is a bigger thing than kallura is. who showed concerned over alluras well being in season 2? shiro did (the scene where he holds her hand and reassures her). who is allura’s true second hand man when it comes to missions and stuff? shiro. keith has yet to step up and be a leader like shiro and as shiro wishes him to. 

the whole purpose of allura even hugging keith was for her to accept keith’s galra heritage, which is an important lesson to learn so she isnt ignorant or discriminating towards “all” galra (*cough*not all galra...*cough*). it was a sort of development just for allura’s character. it is already hard to accept that her whole planet and species is gone, but to accept one of her paladins who just so happens to be part of the race that destroyed her planet? it’d be hard for anyone to accept something like that, especially since the galra are here sole enemy and keith happens to be part galra in some way. and again, anti-kallura people who do believe keith to be gay, we bring up the scene where he has allura in his arms. if the crew WANTED to set up kallura, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE PRIME OPPORTUNITY. show keith even likes girls by making him have an embarassed or blushy look on his face when he catches allura in his arms! make keith act nervous around her as he puts her down on the ground after catching her! SOMETHING. but where is the kallura set up in that prime opportunity? it’s no where to be seen. keith’s facial expression tells all: he doesnt care about allura in that way. he’s not as close to her as shiro is. just because it “wasn’t set up in season 2″ doesnt mean they can or should just suddenly make keith act different around allura in season 3 now that shiro is gone. if anything, season 3 will teach them to be closer friends given how close both of them are/were to shiro (shiro being keith’s most trusted friend; and shiro being allura’s second hand man in battle, etc.).  just like i said in my other posts: you can’t build something out of nothing. that PRIME opportunity to build the foundation of kallura passed without keith even batting an eye that a beautiful young lady like allura was IN HIS ARMS *AND* SHE HUGS HIM TOO. 

=putting some bias slightly back in just to make a point to another anon= 

and to that other (separate) anon who said “keith never showed interest in men either” then why did he let lance hold his hand for a long time as they smiled at eachother and stared into eachothers eyes? why did keith show SO MUCH EMOTION when lance didnt remember their bonding moment--a moment that could possibly be a huge thing for keith since he only ever bonded with shiro--? why was keith very happy to have lance out of the healing pod, only to show some form of jealousy or hurt when all lance wanted to do was flirt with allura and not even acknowledge that he bonded with keith? why would keith make it a huge point to say “i cradled you in my arms” when in season 2 he has a GIRL in his arms and his facial expression just screams “idc”? 

idk how to end this post, but i am done for now. my inbox is open if you wanna ask me anything.