#I know we’ve seen these before but I will forever love the contrast between the two boys

[javelinbk]

John, Cyn, Ringo and Maureen on holiday in Port of Spain, Trinidad, January 1966 (photos by Mark and Colleen Hayward)

[2baddiesfanfics]

Forever and Tomorrow

Pairing: Arlecchino x Furina

Tags: Birthday, Birthday Sex, Marriage Proposal, Singing, Vaginal Fingering, Love Confessions, Liyue (Genshin Impact)

Summary:

Arlecchino has used her connections to secure tickets to an unforgettable opera for Furina's birthday. What she doesn't expect is for the former archon to get called onstage! What will her performance awaken within her?

Read on Ao3

“C’mon Arle, we’re going to be late!” Furina called from the sitting room of their suite at the Baiju Guesthouse. She could barely contain her excitement. When the harbinger had told her they’d be spending her birthday in Liyue, she guessed her gift immediately. As a patron and performer, she’d only ever dreamed of getting to attend a live performance by renowned opera star Yun Jin.

“Alright, alright, droplet! Patience! We’ve plenty of time before the show starts, silly girl,” she teased as she walked out of the bedroom. The former archon licked her lips at the sight of her. She was extremely thankful the Heyu Tea House had a reputation for being an intimate venue - had other attendees seen the Knave looking like this, she may have had to split her attention between the performance and fending off romantic contenders.

“I-is that new?”

The woman smirked. “Lyney said it would make me look ‘fire,’ as the children say. I figured that’s a good thing considering I wield the power of pyro. Is it acceptable?”

Furina looked her up and down. Arlecchino wore a crimson cape around her shoulders that popped thanks to her charcoal-colored button-down and tight black slacks.

“You look incredible, love. It makes my choice of attire appear outright dull.”

The harbinger moved toward her swiftly. Grabbing her by the waist, her tall frame towered over her. She brushed the former archon’s snow-white hair behind her ear before leaning down and whispering, “I beg to differ. Were we not already behind schedule, I’d drag you back to bed and we’d never leave.”

Furina’s cheeks burned a deep shade of red, a direct contrast to the shimmering aquamarine low-cut dress that adorned her body. “Oh, stop! There will be plenty of time for that later. Let’s go already! I can’t believe you actually secured these tickets.” She paused and raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “Wait…you didn’t kill anyone, did you?”

The Knave let out a bark of hearty laughter. “Nonsense! I happen to have connections. The Tianquan is a personal friend. She and I have worked together many a time to raise awareness and mora for orphans all across Teyvat. When I told her I was at a loss for what to get you, she practically threw these all-access passes at me.”

Truth be told, Arlecchino still felt like there was no way she could properly convey how much her girlfriend meant to her. An opera was nowhere near the magnitude she felt was appropriate to celebrate the woman who had changed her life and made her believe she was worthy of being loved.

“Now, let’s be off. We may have reserved seating, but knowing Ningguang, I suspect there may be a few surprises waiting for us as well.”

————-

Sure enough, the Knave wasn’t wrong. Their table was front and center, a fresh pot of Chenyu Brew already waiting for them. Except for a handful of others likely also invited by the Tianquan, the women were about to be treated to a nearly private show.

Yun Jin took the stage, and Furina’s eyes sparkled in awe. Arlecchino had to force herself to actually watch the performance instead of just staring at her girlfriend for the duration of the event. The excitement that exuded from her provided a great deal of relief to the harbinger - she must have done something right.

After an hour and a half of numbers, the opera star took a bow - but the show was not yet over.

“Thank you, everyone, for your patronage of the arts here in Liyue. I understand we have some very distinguished guests from the Nation of Justice here tonight!”

Furina whipped around to face Arlecchino. The Knave couldn’t help but grin. “Did I not say there’d be a few surprises?” She whispered. “Pay attention.”

“Ah, yes! There you are. Lady Furina, would you please join me on stage?” The former archon stood shakily and proceeded to the front of the tea house. “I so admire your work, and when Lady Ningguang told me you’d be here tonight, I couldn’t help myself. Would you mind singing for me?”

“M-me? Sing f-for you? I couldn’t possibly…”

“Oh, please don’t be modest! I’ve heard recordings, but there’s nothing like experiencing it live.”

Furina looked out into the audience, searching for the one face that would give her confidence. Arlecchino stared back and mouthed, “You can do it.”

Taking a deep breath, the former archon nodded in agreement. Yun Jin squeezed her hands and bid her luck.

The first notes of La Vaguelette played, and suddenly, there was only the singer and her lover. The Knave watched enraptured by the sheer sorrowful beauty the lyrics evoked.

But love alone could be to no avail

Only farewell, I fear, would prevail

Thus are our lives filled with joy and sorrow

I'll be here always, forever and tomorrow

To behold the world's undying beauty

And that shall live on in perpetuity...

In this moment she knew what they shared was more than mere love. She would be damned if she’d ever allow anyone else to take her from her. They’d both experienced joy and sorrow - far more of the later - enough for both their lifetimes. The words “I’ll be here always, forever and tomorrow” struck her to her core; perhaps this wasn’t the only gift in store for either of them tonight.

—————-

“Arle, can you believe it!? The Yun Jin said I have incredible talent!”

After the show, they had spent a fair amount of time chatting with the world-renowned performer about coming to Fontaine to share some of Liyue’s culture at the Opera Epiclese. They exchanged contact information and then headed back to the guesthouse. Furina hadn’t stopped talking since they left.

“Anyone who’d deny it would be an absolute fool, ma chérie. You were exquisite tonight,” she commended before pulling her into a tight embrace. “But…there’s something I want to ask you.”

“Uh-oh. That doesn’t sound like a ‘happy birthday’ to me…”

“No! No, it’s nothing bad, I promise. When you were up there tonight…the way you sang…the words you sang…” Arlecchino loosened her grip and knelt before her.

“Archons…wait…Arle…”

“Furina…I know it’s your birthday, not mine, but I ask you to gift me something. Your heart. Your hand. I’ll be here always, forever and tomorrow. Will you do the same for me?”

“Yes…yes of course!” Furina quickly answered as tears welled in her eyes.

The Knave drew her close, her lips crashing against hers. Pulling away, she stared into the sapphires she now called home. “Then you’ve made me the happiest woman in all of Teyvat.”

Furina chuckled. “Surely you’re exaggerating. All of Teyvat?” Her fingers moved slowly but steadily to unbutton the harbinger’s shirt. “Prove it to me.”

“With pleasure.” Arlecchino hoisted her fiancée into her arms and dashed for the bedroom. Removing her shirt and slipping out of her slacks, she moved to slide Furina out of her dress.

“Wait, wait, wait! Chiori will kill me if we rip this!” The Knave rolled her eyes. That seamstress with an attitude would be the one to prevent her from ripping it off and ravishing her. She was careful to not snag the zipper on the cloth and hung it on the back of the bathroom door.

Diving back into her, Arlecchino kissed down her jaw and trailed to her neck. Her teeth teased the fair skin of her lover, biting down just hard enough to coax a moan out of her. The former archon arched into her girlfriend’s palm and felt her grab her breast.

“A-arle…need more...” she panted. Moving her hand from her chest, she placed it between her legs. The harbinger smirked against her mouth.

“Oh, so demanding,” she said as she collected her slick with a single lithe finger. “And needy.” Wetting her digits, she slowly eased into her. Rubbing her fingertips along her walls in a come-hither motion, she felt her clench around her.

“Fuck…Arle…”

With each moan of her name, Arlecchino sped up her movements. Her thrusts were perfectly paced, as if she were conducting a symphony of pleasure and Furina’s body was the instrument. It wasn’t long before the former archon’s hips started rocking in time, wordlessly racing toward a crescendo.

The Knave’s lips were on her once more, capturing her final scream of ecstasy as their performance reached its finale. Furina looked at her lover, eyes bleary with emotion. This woman was to be hers for the rest of her life.

After spending most of her existence pretending, she was now free to live and love as she pleased. The very thought was enough to make her cry with happiness. Instead, she would channel her emotions into showing the harbinger in her arms what she meant to her.

“Come here,” the former archon whispered to her.

“Darling, I’m already as close to you as I can get,” she chuckled in response.

“No! I mean lay next to me. I want you to feel the same way you make me feel.” Arlecchino rested on her side and faced her.

“Like this?”

“Yes. I want to watch your reactions. You’re so much stronger than me. To see what I do to you makes this feel a bit more even.”

“You’re so silly, droplet. You’re so much stronger than you know. But…I’ll allow it.”

Furina traced the Knave’s sharp features and felt the heat of her lover’s breath on her fingertips. Arlecchino closed her eyes and sighed at how soft her skin felt. Normally so ferocious in business and battle, this was a side she only revealed to her.

She felt the harbinger’s flesh rise against her touch as she slid her hands down her chest. A quiet moan escaped her, and the former archon knew she was on the right track. Kissing her gently, she felt the weight of the other woman’s breasts in her palms, her nipples perking up to meet her.

“Furina…” Arlecchino’s husky voice dripped with growing need.

“Shhh…I promise I won’t draw this out, love. Just relax. You’re safe with me.” The Knave visibly eased into her touch at her words. One hand returned to cup her cheek as their mouths met once more, the other wandering further across her toned abdomen.

When her digits reached their destination, her fiancé gasped slightly at the sensation. Already wet from what she had done to Furina, the former archon had no trouble lubricating her fingers for a smooth entry.

“I never tire of hearing you say my name, Arle…” The Knave’s eyes sought hers, and the weight of her love for her burned as fiercely as the power bestowed upon her by her vision.

“Furina…you are…my everything…” she panted.

“But you know what will sound even more beautiful to me? Hearing you call me your wife,” she continued as she sped up the pace of her finger circling her clit. “Won’t you humor me?”

“Fuck…yes…Furina…my wife…”

“Good girl.” With a final deep kiss, her tongue mimicked her movement below and Arlecchino came forcefully. The former archon held her as she rode out her orgasm, out of breath and body shaking.

“Well. I think that’s enough excitement for one night. Happy Birthday, dearest.”

“The best one I’ve ever had. But Arle?”

The harbinger yawned. “Mmm?”

“You will be getting me a ring, right?”

Her question was met with a sleepy chuckle. “Of course, droplet. Whatever your heart desires, it will be yours.”

[skylarmoon71]

Eobard Thawne - (Flash) AU Chapter 6

Eobard received a call from Joe pleading for your whereabouts. After he’d assured the mayor that you were fine, you’d made a promise to speak with all of them tomorrow in Star Labs. You know there is a lot that needs to be discussed. But you weren’t worried about it tonight.

“Well I should get out of your hair. If you need anything you have my number.” He’s next to the door, but you stop him before he can take off.

“I don’t!”

Eobard pauses at the yell.

“I don’t have your number.” You explain. He pulls out his phone and dials the number. When your phone begins ringing, you lift it with flushed cheeks.

“Oh. M-My bad.”

Eobard just smiles.

“That’s alright. Alternate realities tend to do that. “

Your eyes shift to the contact just as he ends the call. You take notice of the little pink heart you have next to his name. You place the device back into your pocket. It’s probably best if you keep that to yourself.

“If anything comes up I'll be here in a heartbeat.”

You believe it too. There’s something genuine about Eobard's concern that keeps throwing you off. So rather than walk on eggshells and ignore the very heated kiss, you feel as though you need to ask the obvious.

“How long have you had feelings for me?”

He looks caught off guard by the question.

“I…w-well I..” His cheeks become red and the innermost part of your mind actually wants to squeal at the sight. How can he make such an innocent expression? You take a step forward and it’s possible that adds to his nerves.

“How long, Eobard?”

That’s the one time that you use his name without hostility or anger.

“Ten years!” He blurts out.

“We’ve known each other forever. When I realized how I felt I kept it to myself because I didn't want to hurt you. I saw how much losing your parents broke you. So I always promised myself that I would be there to look out for you. Maybe it started out as me being protective but to me it became more than that I-” He stops himself. Because it feels like he’s saying too much too soon. You’d literally just stopped looking at him like a killer a few hours ago.

“I didn’t plan to fall in love with you, it just happened. Loving you has been the best thing in my life.”

You’re completely and utterly speechless.

This plot sounds a lot like Barry and Iris’s situation that the entire group of Team Flash witnessed over the years. You even used to tease Barry about his crush. When they got together you swore you’d never seen Barry happier.

Now here Eobard Thawne stands telling you that he’s had these feelings since the both of you were children.

“I don’t expect anything from you. I really don’t. I know this is a lot. I can’t imagine what must be going through your head right now. Just know that whatever happens between us, I’ll always be here to protect you. “

Once again he’s giving you reassurances.

This really had to be an alternate universe.

You lift your hand, and you reach for his. Your fingers brush his, and Eobard looks down as you gently squeeze his hand.

You can’t give him confessions of your love. Because saying that would be unfair to him. There is still so much you need to figure out.

What you do know is you do feel something for this man.

“Thank you for being honest with me.”

The smile you wear makes his heart stutter. He rubs his thumb along your knuckles.

“Anytime.”

The following morning when you walk into Star Labs, the sight of them all lined up is intimidating.

“I told you guys this would make her nervous.” Caitlin says.

“It was Cisco’’s idea!” Barry states.

“I don’t see any of you coming up with ideas!” Cisco defends.

The back and forth banter is nice. Joe gets between them, trying to calm them down. Eobard even gets involved, and Iris shuffles over to you, fixing the glasses on the bridge of her nose.

“You look better. I’m glad.”

“I am, thank you. Really.” She shakes her head.

“There’s no need to thank me.”

This contrast in personality is sort of adorable to watch. There is something else you’re curious about.

“Hey Iris, are you and Barry a couple by chance?” You aren’t sure how, but the entire room goes silent. Barry’s face has erupted in red.

“(Y/N) you promised you would never say anything!” Barry protests.

“O-Oh I’m sorry it’s just on earth two the both of you are actually married and in my reality you-”

“M-Married!!” Iris squeaks. She sends one glance at Barry before she begins rambling and takes off. Caitlin starts laughing.

“Good going (Y/N).” She follows an embarrassed Iris down the hall.

“I-I’m sorry.”

That's all you can say.

Joe, Cisco and Eobard begin laughing, and the atmosphere seems to mellow out.

Everything feels settled, you’re relieved. 

“About before. What I said to you about not being family, I’m sorry.”

Barry is sitting with you in the med bay as the others converse. You turn to him.

“About a year ago you were kidnapped while we worked a case. The meta was impersonating people. He was here for three hours and no one realized that it wasn’t you. Eobard came in and within fifteen minutes of working he noticed that something was wrong. We all thought that you’d been acting strange that day, but we barely questioned it. “ Barry looked down at his shoes.

“I guess some part of me still feels responsible for that. When you came in ranting about other realities I just felt like that again. Like we were being tricked. I shouldn’t have been so harsh.”

You can’t help but smile.

There may be some clear differences. But perhaps Barry Allen in every universe feels inclined to always protect the people around him.

“I’m sorry too. I’ve been treating you all like enemies. Being in this situation isn’t ideal. But in a lot of ways I’m still surrounded by family. Whatever this is, whatever the outcome, we’ll deal with it together.” Barry shares your smile. He places a hand around your shoulder, and you lean in.

“Thanks for always looking out for me Barry.”

Your soft whisper sounds like that of a vulnerable child. Barry turns, pulling you into a full hug. You relax into the embrace.

[littlespoonevan]

I posted 7,036 times in 2022

993 posts created (14%)

6,043 posts reblogged (86%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@finduilasclln

@fraddit

@stationoneeighteen

@hattalove

@buckactuallys

I tagged 7,036 of my posts in 2022

#0 - 5,554 posts

#evan buckley - 2,691 posts

#eddie diaz - 2,515 posts

#buddie - 1,800 posts

#911 spoilers - 1,122 posts

#parallels - 676 posts

#asks - 669 posts

#the 118 - 527 posts

#chimney han - 495 posts

#henrietta wilson - 473 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#'they do of course – arms brushing together with each step they take – and buck thinks to himself that this is the way it’s supposed to be.'

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

knowing the 118 do four way calls like a bunch of sixteen year old girls in a 90s teen movie has brought me more joy than i can ever possibly say

782 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

#4

something struck me rewatching buck begins that i don’t think i ever really noticed before: when buck tells the team about daniel and the ways he used to put himself in danger to get his parents’ attention eddie’s immediate reaction is, “This explains so much about you.”

and like, he says it in a joking manner and the others definitely echo the sentiment but there’s something about that being eddie’s first reaction and then him specifically being the one to say he understood why buck stayed behind in the factory fire later on in the episode

because the thing is, eddie always knows what buck is thinking. he knew what buck needed in 3x01 to get him out of bed. he knew buck would be spiralling and blaming himself in 3x03 and how to make him stop. he knew why buck was acting the way he was in 3x18 when it came to trying to save sam. he knew in 4x04 why buck was so upset with his parents and what to say to validate his feelings. he’s always known buck, has always been able to guess his motivations and his reactions better than anyone else on the team - it���s why they make such good partners

but it’s not until 4x05 that this further context slots into place and changes things because he’s always known buck but now he understands so painfully clearly just about every single facet of who buck is as a person. and the fact that this carries on throughout the season, the fact that it ends in the will reveal, is so??????? there are so many people in buck’s life who have either unwittingly enabled or misjudged his self destructive tendencies. his parents missed the cry for help over and over again. abby and taylor both unconsciously reinforced the notion that people only care when he’s in danger/sacrificing himself. even the 118 who love and cherish buck so dearly don’t always understand the full extent of why he acts the way he does

but we’re shown over and over again that eddie gets it???????? and listen i’ve said it ten million times but the way s4 contrasts “you think you’re indestructible but you’re not” and “you’re not invincible” with “you act like you’re expendable but you’re wrong” is forever going to make me lose it

three sentences, all basically holding the same sentiment on the surface, but the word choice in all three so clearly demonstrates how the other characters view buck. and the only one that’s right, that gets it, that knows is eddie

i think with everything in s5 i sort of forgot just how much of buck and eddie’s scenes in s4 consist of eddie quietly observing buck. sandwiched between the kind of scenes we got in s3 and s5 it’s certainly a more subtle approach to their dynamic but god, there is something so fucking special about the fact that s4 buddie is just an ode to, “To be seen, to be found, isn’t that what we’re all searching for?”

904 notes - Posted August 15, 2022

#3

it’s like. yeah, we exaggerate in fic. yeah, we take throwaway lines or scenes and run with them until we’ve made them into a Thing

but there’s something about the, for lack of a better word, hints 911 gives sometimes.

“chim invites maddie, maddie invites buck, buck invites eddie”

“this is eddie’s house, i’m not really a guest” even though we’ve only seen buck there once prior to that episode

chris calling buck to overhear eddie finding the hildy coffee maker, letting us know at some point they conspired together without eddie knowing

“Probably just as well, after you told him that little thing about the kid in the rotisserie” “That was not a story that was a cautionary tale” 

chris going to buck when he’s mad at eddie

chris’ complete non reaction when buck shows up in his room in 4x14 like it’s so normal to see him there that it takes a minute for chris to notice something is wrong

buck making the very correct assumption that chris would be more comfortable/happy staying home with him than going anywhere else while eddie is in hospital

buck coming to greet christopher at the firehouse and picking him up/hugging him in the exact same way eddie does

“he takes christopher there [the zoo] all the time. got the place memorised” even though the last time we’ve seen buck and chris doing an activity on their own was the tsunami episodes

buck at the diaz dining table eating with such ease and familiarity like he doesn’t even need to make conversation because they do this all the time

it’s just. it’s all small stuff, y’know? but it hints at a closeness and a familiarity and a comfort far beyond what we will ever see on the show and it bowls me over sometimes bc in a way it feels Bigger than all the #important moments bc it’s just an accepted part of the narrative. it exists to paint a picture for us. to tell us they’re a unit. they’re a family. and it’s not once, not ever, been questioned since s2 and i am on the Floor

961 notes - Posted March 24, 2022

#2

me watching camila mendes stare straight into the camera and say “peaking in high school is cringe anyway” while brutal by olivia rodrigo blares in the background: now that’s cinema!

2,086 notes - Posted September 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

what, in your opinion, is the best onscreen kiss of all time??? not so much in a ‘this is my otp so i love their first kiss’ kind of way. as in, what’s the kiss you look at - whether it be bc of the soundtrack or the setting or the outfit choice or the leadup or the symbolism - and you think, that is a Damn good kiss?????

4,986 notes - Posted January 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[beyondspaceandstars]

Hi!

I've been reading some of your posts and I am a big fan🥰

I was wondering if its okay, maybe you could do a Loki x reader where they were best friends and denied each others feelings all the time and when Loki was brought to the TVA, he found reader there and lots of angst and fluff🥰💞😁

Have a great day😁😁💞💞🥰🥰

Nothing Gold

Relationship: Loki x Reader

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: thank you so much for enjoying me work I am so glad that makes me so happy! thank you so much for the request. I really liked this idea and I think it came out okay - sorry the ending it a bit abrupt! thank you again :)

Masterlist

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Loki had to do a full-on, dramatic as hell, double-take while walking through the TVA library. He had come down to look for a variant file but had apparently ended up finding something else. More specifically — someone else.

You. You. You.

You, his best friend. You, the sweet girl he had a never-ending crush on. You, the one who had just gone missing one day.

Loki could never forget. It was like something wouldn’t let him.

He had invited you around the palace for breakfast before you left his chambers for the night. You two had been up late reading together. You frequently popped over, usually claiming to stay for a few hours, just enough for Loki to read to you some verses of a poetry book, but those hours got longer and longer each time.

Next thing you two knew, it was nearly morning and you needed at least a few hours of sleep in your own bed. He had walked you out, asking you to come back for breakfast in a few hours. You happily agreed, giving him a quick hug before parting. Loki didn’t want to let go. He remembered that detail very well. He wanted to pull you back in his chambers, just hold you for hours. Days. Months. Forever. But he didn’t. He let you go, watching as you made your way back to your modest home. He never realized that would be the last time he saw you.

Well, actually, it technically wasn’t. Because he was staring at you right now. You were at a table near the back of the library, head buried in some files but he could still recognize you. Could always point out that lovely, long hair and those soft, gentle hands. You were always a stark contrast against him.

Loki just watched you for a few moments, completely and utterly confused by the situation. The shock was wearing off and now question after question filled his brain. How did you end up here? What had you done? Were you okay? A million thoughts came over him but his legs had their own agenda. The next thing he knew, he was approaching your table. He almost didn’t know how he got there.

He stood opposite of your sitting form. You weren’t noticing him, apparently very invested in the file you were studying. Loki had to admit, that was quite like you. You were always one to get lost in the words, way deeper than he did.

Eventually, Loki cleared his throat, hoping that’d do something. Slowly, you lifted your head, brows furrowed in confusion as you looked at him from head to toe. You didn’t recognize him, Loki could see it in your eyes. He was just a variant turned agent to you. Something in him felt like it was stabbing his heart over and over again.

"Can I help you with something?" You hesitantly asked but your voice was still so sweet and kind, just as Loki remembered. You were far more patient and soft-spoken than he was.

He said your name like it was the greatest plead but you didn’t react. Loki didn’t know what to do then, realizing you were you but you also…weren’t. His face fell.

You were getting uncomfortable. "I-I’m sorry, I’m not sure I know who that is—,"

"You don’t?" Loki couldn’t help the hurtful gasp he let out.

"Sir, I’m sorry…" Your eyes began searching around frantically. Something was going on. You were getting scared, way past uncomfortable. You wouldn’t look at him anymore.

Loki said your name again, much forceful than the last. You jumped. You weren’t directly responding but Loki could see something in your eyes. He said your name again. Then again. Like it was the only thing he knew. Your eyes met one another intensely, hypnotically.

After maybe the sixth time, you snapped. You jumped out of your seat, breathing heavily, scared, surprised. It had all happened too fast Loki was also taken back. You two were more than just staring at each other. Your wide eyes were taking him in.

"Loki?"

He felt so relieved to hear his name just float off your lips. It was as sweet as he remembered. Like a little lullaby. The stabbing in him stopped.

Loki nodded. "It’s me."

"What…" You looked around as if you had no idea where you were. And maybe you didn’t but Loki hadn’t expected your name to just snap you out of it. This opened a lot of questions for him but he didn’t have time. He raised his hand, cutting off your words.

Loki nodded towards one of the bookshelf aisles further away from everyone. You nodded in understanding, following him down the rows.

Once you were a safe distance away, Loki wasted no time collecting you in his arms, his head buried in your shoulder. You were surprised for a moment at the gesture but then you fell into it naturally, like you had just hugged him yesterday. And really that was how it had felt. But Loki knew better. You had been gone for so long…

"Loki," you mumbled his name, your head pressed into his chest. "What is going on?"

Loki stilled. "Why don’t you tell me what you know."

You scoffed, breaking off the hug. You were a sweet one but Loki was no stranger to your tiny temper. You put distance between you two and Loki allowed it despite how much it hurt.

"What I know?" You repeated, folding your arms. "What I know is that I’m standing in a library with you." You looked around at the space, noting an actual lack of real books. "What kind of library is this anyway? How did I—,"

"Do you remember anything before you got here?"

Your gaze dropped as you studied your shoes. They were some nice black flats but Loki knew that wasn’t your style. You were not the business causal type, usually pleased with the feeling of Asgardian silk gowns.

Something was coming to you as you let out a soft gasp. "I was walking home. We-We had just finished a poem written by that Midgardian… Gosh, what was his name? Winter or something—,"

"Frost," Loki mumbled. "His last name was Frost and you enjoyed his poem about how nothing gold can stay. You found it relatable. I’ll admit, you may have been onto something."

A light had gone on within you. "You thought it was pretentious." Your gaze met Loki’s once more. "I called you a fool and laughed. Then we saw daylight breaking and… and I had to go home. I missed my bed. You wanted breakfast in a few hours. I agreed to come back."

Loki nodded, encouragingly, but your words had fallen off. "What happened next?"

You shook your head, that blank expression washed over you again. "I don’t know."

Loki let out a sigh and leaned back on the shelf. "Do you remember anything after that?"

You looked back down at your outfit. At least the pencil skirt was nice. "Yes," you admitted. "I was hired here. I report on variants to protect the sacred timeline." It sounded to Loki like you were reading a script. What the hell was going on here?

"But you don’t know how you got from Asgard to…here?"

You sighed, a bit annoyed. "How did you get here?"

The snippy temper was back. You were still you. Loki could’ve kissed you, a feeling that had come over him before but was suddenly more intense than ever. He would, he promised himself. He couldn’t leave you again without doing so.

"I had a bit of an…incident."

"Really? You? I never would’ve guessed," you said, the sarcasm on your words dripped heavily. Loki gave quite the dramatic eye roll. You let out a little giggle.

"Yes, well, never mind what got me here, I am here," he said, motioning towards nothing. "And I am assisting with the hunt of a variant."

"You’re helping them?"

Loki scoffed. "Don’t act so surprised." A beat. "I didn’t have much of a choice."

You bit your lip, trying to hold back a smile but failed miserably. Loki had missed this. If he focused really hard, it almost felt like you two were back in Asgard, lounging around, talking about nothing. Teasing one another. His heart was aching.

"What do you know about the variant?" You eventually asked.

Loki glanced away. "It’s me."

"You?"

He shrugged. "Well, a version of me. Another variant."

You slowly crossed the aisle, coming to stand right next to Loki, your shoulders pressed against one another. Loki’s breath hitched just a bit. He would never get used to this.

You asked, "Well, what have ‘you’ done?"

Loki resorted back to his witty humor. "Nothing good as you could assume."

"This mischief of two Lokis is unthinkable."

Loki let out a laugh which you followed suit with. You two were laughing over nothing in this random library in wherever this place was. He could barely understand it and you were absolutely clueless. But the moment of laughter was good, was familiar. Too bad it couldn’t last.

"I’ve missed you," Loki admitted after the laughter had faded out unceremoniously. You looked a bit surprised at the confession.

"Truly?"

He nodded.

You blushed and looked down. "I’d say I missed you too but I don’t feel like we’ve been apart. How long has it been?"

When Loki wasn’t giving an answer, you forced yourself to turn back to him. He was staring at you quite intensely. You shivered under the gaze. It was an expression you hadn’t seen before, he hadn’t allowed you to see. It was one full of love and interest and adornment.

"Too long," was all he said before his lips were on yours. Loki finally took what he had been craving and it was happening in the TVA library. The fucking TVA. Loki’s head was still spinning with worries about this whole thing but, slowly, he got lost in you. In your lips and softness. Your hands grasped his shirt as you deepened the kiss — you. You wanted more from him. And he was happy to give.

His hands caressed your sides lovingly, feeling and holding you in the way he had always dreamed. It was better than anything he could’ve conjured. It felt right and real. Good and… Too good. Too powerful.

An alarm was going off somewhere now. You hadn’t seemed to notice it, still captivated in the kiss, but Loki was aware. He forced you two apart, reluctantly. You looked at him, ready to protest, but before you could ask anything, Loki was placing a hand over your mouth.

Footsteps were approaching. They were coming towards your aisle. Whatever had happened here wasn’t good, something had gone haywire. Had he broken the timeline? Was that even possible here? Loki didn’t know but what he did know was there was an army on the hunt for them. Without thinking twice, he grabbed your hand, looking for an escape route.

"Loki," you finally were able to speak, keeping your voice hushed as you two maneuvered the maze of shelves, "what did we do?"

"We love each other."

"Love?"

Loki stopped despite there being no time to stop. "Am I wrong?"

You didn’t answer. That was all he needed. Now to only get the hell out of here. Loki couldn’t tell if his encounter with the TVA had been a blessing or a cure as he held you close to him, refusing to lose you again to whatever trap this place planned to lay.

[masterofmunson]

look after you (3)

TFATWS Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary:  Sam asks you to join him and Bucky on a mission in Madripoor. When you get injured, Bucky feels the need to remind you more than once that he’s supposed to look after you now that Steve’s gone.

Warnings: sexual themes, language, typical marvel violence, blood, death, murder, just to be sure that i cover all the basis this is 18+. minors dni

Word Count: 5.1k+

Author’s Note: Hello!!!! I am really sorry that this part took me forever to post. The last month has kicked my ass but now everything’s a little calmer. As always, enjoy and tell me what you think! Comments, reblogs, and asks are encouraged and greatly appreciated.

When you return to Latvia nearly a day later, you’re more than eager to get back on your feet. Despite the overwhelming feeling of exhaustion running through your body, you’re glad to be back at it with Bucky and Sam. You’re somewhat rested, and you take the opportunity to visit one of the refugee camps to see if you could find any information on Donya Madani. 

When you enter the camp, you try your best to keep a low profile. You don’t draw attention to yourselves and try not to ruffle any feathers. 

“We should split up, cover more ground,” Zemo stated. 

Bucky glares at him, shaking his head. “No. Absolutely not. You’ll just take off.”

You press a hand against Bucky’s shoulder. He looks over at you and you smile gently at him. “I’ll go with him,” you said. 

His blue eyes stare into yours. It makes your heart race and your knees weak. Warmth spreads across your entire body. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to. He knows you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself and keeping a watchful eye on Zemo. It’s why he doesn’t argue. 

The four of you split in two and you and Zemo begin walking in the opposite direction. You’re on high alert, watching the refugees carefully. They don’t seem too concerned with your presence and avoid you entirely when you speak and attempt to approach them about Donya Madani. Although you tried connecting with them in the native language, no one wanted to talk. 

You’re silent for the most part, taking in your surroundings. You walk past a makeshift classroom and the teacher and his students hurry away from you. This wasn’t what you hoped and wasn't successful. It started to piss you off. 

“Have you and Sergeant Barnes been together for long?” Zemo asked, breaking the silence between the two of you. 

Your brows pinch together and you stop in your tracks. Zemo turns to look at you expectantly. You take a careful breath. The last thing you need is for Zemo to get under your skin in a place where no one trusted you and away from Sam and Bucky. You begin walking again and Zemo falls into step beside you. 

“Not that it’s any of your business,” you justified with a calm tone to your voice, “but we’re not together.”

You feel Zemo’s smirk beside you as he looks over at you. You grit your teeth and squeeze the inside of your palms harshly. You can’t react. You have to lay low. Do not cause a scene. Don’t bring unwarranted attention. Do not stand out. 

“But you care deeply for one another, correct?”

That much was obvious. You’ve always cared for each other. At the beginning it was because of Steve. Anyone Steve loved and cared for, by extension, you did too. It was also how you felt towards Sam when you were introduced to one another. 

But something changed along the way. You sought each other out. You relied on him as he did with you. You’d grown incredibly close prior to the blip, and if it hadn’t happened, maybe things would be different. Bucky would always be there to help Sam, regardless of the indifference he shows towards him. You’re tired of fighting. It’s all you’ve ever done. You can’t do it anymore. 

Bucky feels the need to repent and right his wrongs even though he was tortured and brainwashed to commit such heinous acts. He won’t stop fighting. He needs to help, to protect, to be good for the world. It’s all he’s ever wanted and it had been taken from him for so long. 

You nod in reply. You say nothing else. You weren’t about to spill your secrets to the man that brought Bucky incredible pain. He is not your friend and you don’t owe him anything. 

Thankfully, Zemo says nothing and you eventually regroup in the courtyard of the camp. You’d come up with nothing valuable and neither had Sam and Bucky. You would be leaving empty handed. 

You watch Zemo approach a young girl as you stand beside Bucky. You feel his gaze against the side of your face. You don’t say anything. You’re still reeling from your conversation with Zemo. 

Your heart beat picks up and the stress you feel gathers on your shoulders. Bucky whispers your name and this time you turn to look at him. 

“Are you alright?” he asked. 

No, you wanted to say. He made your mind a jumbled mess. You couldn’t think clearly with him so close to you. He makes your body tingle with want and desire. You wanted James Buchanan Barnes to ruin you completely, if only for a night, consequences be damned. 

You swallow the lump in your throat and push down the desire in your chest. The corners of your mouth twitch upwards in a soft smile. You nod, looking back over as Zemo rejoins the group. 

“I’m fine,” you said with as much conviction as you could muster and take a step away from him. 

Lie, you hissed to yourself. You’ve never lied so blatantly to Bucky before. It made your chest ache painfully. 

What could you say? You make me feel like a fool. No one’s made me feel like a fool, not even Steve. But you didn’t want Steve. You didn’t desire him the way you do Bucky, dare you say loved him in the way you think you love Bucky. 

Your mind races with imagination. The feeling of his hands on your waist. His lips pressed against the junction of your neck and shoulder. The contrast between his warm, calloused right hand and the coolness of his metal arm trailing along your body and pulling your clothes off. 

You needed to get away from him, and fast. You can barely breathe with him beside you. 

You’re the first to leave the camp and Sam, Bucky, and Zemo trail after you as they bicker at one another. Yet again, Zemo was one step ahead and holding the information hostage. 

As you make your way back to the townhouse, you freeze in the middle of the street. The uniform is unmistakable. You’d seen it on posters, on television, and even on public buses. John Walker, the man you had no desire to meet, was approaching you with his buddy right beside him. 

His voice thunders in the street, causing locals to stop what they’re doing to look at the new Captain America. He stops in front of you and looks you up and down. Just as you were sizing him up, he was doing the same to you. 

“Is this the reason why you won’t return any of my messages? You’re too busy slumming it with Wilson and Barnes, as well as a known terrorist? I thought you knew better.” Walker asked. 

You roll your eyes and cross your arms over your chest. “I’m on vacation,” you said like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Just so happens that Sam and Bucky are in town at the same time I am. Crazy coincidence, right?”

“Watch your mouth, Walker,” Bucky growled at the man. 

John’s eyes narrow as he stares at you, ignoring Bucky completely. You’re being childish and petty but you don’t care. Walker is an asshole. His eyes challenge yours, but you square your shoulders and stare him down. He doesn’t scare you. You don’t answer to him. 

“We’ll take it from here. Zemo is coming with us.” 

“No, he’s not,” Sam said. “We have somewhere to be and Zemo is the only one who can take us there. This is the only time that we may be able to reason with Karli, she lost the person closest to her.”

You resume your trek up the street and the boys fall close behind you. Bucky’s quick to join your side and Walker runs ahead to stop you from moving any further. His gaze flickers between you, Sam, and Bucky. You roll your eyes and let out a scoff. 

“You’re really going to let your partner do this, Bucky?” Walker asked him, looking between the two men. 

Bucky and Walker bicker back and forth and you and Zemo slip between them when you notice the same girl he had spoken to earlier. You follow her quietly through a back door and slip inside the building. You watch Sam disappear around the corner and you lean against a metal beam in the boiler room. You pick at your nails and ignore Walker pacing the length of the room, looking over at Bucky every now and then as he guards the door. 

Walker huffs impatiently and takes a step towards the door. You stand up and Bucky shoves Walker back. You swallow the lump in your throat as the two men stare at one another. At the mention of the serum in Bucky’s veins, rage runs through you. He didn’t ask to be the Winter Soldier. He didn’t ask for the serum. The serum had taken so much from him. It’s not something that he’s proud of. 

“Don’t you dare say that,” you hissed at him, shoving him away from Bucky. You were so close to clocking him in the jaw. “You have no idea how much he has lost because of the serum.”

There’s a glint in his eyes and he looks between you and Bucky. “What are you, his guard dog?”

“I can say the same thing about Lemar.”

“We’ve waited around long enough. It’s time to go.”

He shoves himself past Bucky and Lemar does the same. You and Bucky run after them into the main room where Karli and Sam are. Her brown eyes widen in panic and betrayal as she looks from Sam back to John. Sam attempts to reason with her again and you run straight between them in an attempt to block John’s attack. 

Karli’s super strength sends you and Sam flying into the nearby table and she takes off. Bucky runs after her and you scramble to your feet. You split off from Sam and back track into the boiler room. The handcuffs are empty and you curse loudly before racing down a flight of stairs. Your heart feels as if it’s beating out of your chest and the adrenaline rushes through you. The ache in your shoulder is the least of your concerns as you creep up to the basement door. 

With a gun in one hand, you reach for the handle and twist the knob. It doesn’t budge under the pressure of your hand as you attempt to jiggle it open. The sound of gunfire rings through your ears on the other side of the door. You point the gun on the lock and fire until there’s a hole in the door. You shove your body against the door and it caves under your weight. 

With your gun raised, you climb down the steps before relenting at the sight of Zemo unconscious on the floor with John looming over him. You tuck your gun in the back of your jeans and look over the room. Shattered glass vials are all over the floor and you glance at Walker suspiciously. 

“What happened?” you asked. 

“Zemo shot Karli and destroyed the vials that contained the serum,” he answered before turning his back on you and climbing up the stairs. 

Sam and Bucky join you several minutes later. You stare up at them against a cold metal crate beside the unconscious Baron. Bucky crouches in front of you and looks at you carefully. 

“You okay? What happened?” he asked. 

You nod your head and tell them what supposedly happened while you were attempting to get to Zemo and John Walker before anything worse happened. It made you feel uneasy and you have a gut feeling that Walker was lying to you.

“Do you believe him?” Sam questioned, looking over at Zemo.

You shook your head. You run a hand through your hair and let out a sigh. “No. I don’t trust him. Something about the way he looked at the broken vials makes me nervous. I don’t think he was telling me the whole truth.”

Silence falls between the three of you before Sam speaks again. “Let’s get out of here. We’ll regroup back at the house.”

You nod and get back on your feet. Sam and Bucky pull Zemo from the floor and drag him out of the basement out of the camp to the main street. You return to the house and Zemo is placed on the nearest couch. Bucky disappears out the door once more and you join Sam at the kitchen counter. You fish around the liquor cabinet and pour two glasses of whiskey for you and Sam. 

You take the time to shake off the stress and anxiety in your shoulders and enjoy the brief silence covering the room. 

It doesn’t last long, and soon Zemo begins to stir back into consciousness. He groans loudly and grasps at his head. Sam wordlessly grabs an ice pack from the fridge and hands both the pack and the glass of whiskey over to him. 

You sit down in one of the loveseats and kick your feet up on the coffee table. Within seconds, Zemo starts spewing his self righteous bullshit. 

“Jesus Christ, do you ever shut up?” you snapped, downing the rest of your whiskey.

Sam smiles and a low chuckle from Zemo fills the room. You sigh softly and ignore him once more. Bucky returns several minutes later and practically rips off his leather jacket. It makes your cheeks flush and you watch him pour himself his own drink into a glass. 

“There’s something wrong about Walker,” he said with a huff. 

“You don’t say,” Sam replied with a smirk.

“Well, I know a crazy when I see one, because I am crazy.” He takes a sip of his whiskey.

You bark out a laugh and Sam does the same. “Can’t argue with that.”

There’s a beat of silence that falls over the room and Bucky sighs deeply. “You shouldn’t have given him the shield.”

You jump to your feet and step between the two men. Your hand presses against his chest. “You know he didn’t give the shield to him, Bucky.”

A flash of hurt and anger appears across his face. You had never been on the receiving end of his hurt and anger before. It makes your chest ache as you look at him. He takes a step away from you and glares. Your heart leaps inside your throat and you attempt to reach for him again. He pushes your hand away. He had never rejected you so blatantly before. 

“How can you say that? After all that Steve’s done for you and you’re so casual and flippant about the shield! How dare you!” he yelled at you, his voice thundering off the walls and into your ears. It makes you wince and you’re fighting back tears. 

“He’s gone!” you shouted back. “Why should I care about something that was left behind by someone who abandoned me!”

His eyes darken as he stares at you. He shakes his head in disbelief and a bitter laugh leaves his throat. “Sam should have never asked you to come.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right, but I won’t abandon Sam the way that Steve abandoned me. I’m willing to sacrifice what needs to be done, even if it makes me unhappy. I’m not a coward. I don’t want to be here more than you do,” you hissed, your body filling with rage. “I’m more than happy to leave.”

“Good! Then go!”

“Fine!”

Just as you’re about to gather your things and storm out of the house, the doors burst open and John and Lemar storm inside. He points to Zemo and says, “He’s coming with us. Hand him over.”

Sam and John argue with one another and you step away from Bucky. You’re pissed and hurt and you have no energy to join their bitching contest. You cross your arms over your chest and just seconds pass before the Dora Milaje walk through the doors. 

You watch with a smug smirk as Walker reaches a hand out to Ayo. You hold your breath as he places a hand on her shoulder. A split second passes and John and Lemar are both getting their asses kicked. You stand out of the way and gleam as they struggle against the Dora Milaje. One of the spears slices through the air and pins the shield against the kitchen table. 

“Looking strong, John!” Bucky exclaimed. 

If you weren’t pissed at him, you would’ve laughed. Sam says his name disapprovingly and Bucky rolls his eyes as he attempts to stop Ayo from doing anymore damage. Sam soon follows suit and you sigh before joining them. 

You had spent several long months training alongside the Dora Milaje when you were on the run after the Accords. They had helped you perfect your technique and made you an ever better fighter. You block the jabs of the spear with the outside of your forearms and quickly side step out of the way as one of the women aims at your gut.

With all things considered, you were fairing far better than both Sam and Bucky combined, and you hadn’t been keeping up with your training regiment. 

Another spear nearly sideswipes your face and your reflexes take over as you spin out of the way. You’re growing tired and out of breath, and they still haven't been able to get you to yield. 

Soon you were overpowered and you fell on your back with a loud crash. The wind is knocked out of you and you see stars at the corners of your eyes. Your head turns towards the bathroom doors and you can see an outline of a sewage drain. Zemo had escaped in the middle of the fight. 

John and Lemar are the first to leave, followed by the Dora Milaje. Bucky lends a hand down to you and you slap it away. You could be petty and angry too. You pretend not to notice the flash of hurt and surprise on his face as he adjusts to his metal arm again with a roll of his shoulder. 

“You okay?” Sam asked you. 

You grunt in response. “Fine.”

“Let’s go.”

You leave the house and trail behind Sam and Bucky as you walk down a number of streets with no particular destination. You’re silent and fuming as you listen to Sam talk on the phone. He stops up ahead and glances down at his phone. 

“That was Sarah. Karli threatened my nephews. She wants to meet and said for me to come alone,” Sam said, staring at the coordinates on the screen. 

“We’re coming with you,” Bucky said. There was no room for discussion and Sam didn’t argue. 

You’re nearly out of breath when you arrive at the correct coordinates. You attempt to control your breathing as you creep up the stairs with Sam in front and Bucky behind. Sam yells for Karli and she steps in front of one of the white pillars. You stand beside Bucky just far enough that it doesn’t make it seem like you’re a threat. Her eyes flicker over to the two of you before returning to look back at Sam. 

You shift nervously on your feet and the sound of Sharon’s voice rings through your ears. She had found John. Karli takes off and it takes a split second for Bucky to run after her. You cling to Sam and he takes off in the air. 

“Brace yourself!” Sam shouted at you. 

You cling to his back and use his shoulder for cover as he breaks through the glass ceiling. You shake off your legs and Sam squeezes your arm reassuringly. 

Suddenly a body flies through the closest door and hits the wall with a crack. To your own horror, John walks up to the man, a man that has super soldier strength, like it’s nothing. It scares the shit out of you as you watch with wide eyes as Walker bends a steel pipe in half before sending the Flag Smasher to the ground once more.

You glance over at Sam and he’s just staring at John. “What did you do?”

You both know that you didn’t need him to answer to come to the right conclusion. Somehow John had managed to snag a vial of the serum. You were right back at the memorial. Something was wrong and it had been John all along. He had knocked out Zemo and stole the last vial before it could be destroyed. 

You feel a sense of responsibility for it. If you had reacted quicker than you did down in the basement, maybe then Walker wouldn’t actually have the serum running through him. You could’ve stopped him and you didn’t, and it was all because of a locked door. You could hold your own against John without the serum, but now that he has it and he’s always so full of rage, you don’t know if you would be able to. He had the strength to kill you. 

You follow the two men in a daze in an attempt to find Lemar. Everything was quiet and still. It sends you on edge. You step into an empty workshop. Tables are flipped on their sides, chairs everywhere, and scraps of paper and wood litter the floor. 

Sam pushes you out of the way as a Flag Smasher jumps from the overhead balcony straight towards you. You stumble slightly before regaining your bearings and joining the fight. Your body screams in protest but you push through it. With every kick and punch finding its intended target, you’ve lived to see another second. 

One of them kicks you in the backside, cornering you with another partner. The force of the kick nearly knocks the breath out of you. You shake it off and dodge a stab to the face. You quickly disarm the knife from your opponent and use their surprise to your advantage. 

You may not have super serum in your blood, but you put up one hell of a fight. You easily avoided and stepped away as your attacker spins in the air. You wait for an opening and kick your leg up high, sending them backwards. You throw the knife down just inches from their head as a warning.

As you turn on your back, you quickly stumble as another opponent reaches to stab you. Bucky comes barreling in with an iron fist and the man goes flying and crashes into a nearby table. You have a split second to react as Bucky drags you back on your feet. 

You don’t know how much longer you’d be able to fight, especially defensively. If any of the Flag Smashers noticed that you were favoring your left side more than your right, they would use it to their advantage and kill you. Your right shoulder throbs and you taste blood and sweat on your tongue. 

You spin on your heels as you watch Karli barrel towards you, nearly taking your head off. You were tired, but you were still fast on your feet. 

It feels like it happens in slow motion. Lemar miraculously appears and throws Karli off balance. For a brief moment, he was holding his own. 

Until he wasn’t. 

Karli punches him with so much force that the sound of the pillar cracking underneath his weight vibrates through your ears. Everything stops, even Karli and her followers stare at the man pinned against the pillar. A number of sounds and voices fill your ears as you watch John crouch beside his partner to try and find a pulse. He shakes his head but nothing happens. There’s no response. 

Lemar’s gone. Lemar is dead. 

Sam nearly drags you with him as John jumps out of the building at the closest window. Your legs burn, screaming for rest as you run alongside Bucky and Sam through the building towards the growing sounds of screaming in the courtyard. 

Bucky stops you and grabs your hand, squeezing it tightly. There was nothing you could do but watch as John publicly executed someone with the shield. A shield that used to mean so much to the world was now and forever tainted. It’s legacy is gone. 

The civilians that had gathered starred in complete awe with their phones out as they witnessed Captain America slaughter a man that wasn’t responsible for Lemar’s death. 

He just stares off into the crowd, breathing hard and heavy as the blood from his victim stains the shield. He takes off, running away from the crowd, presumably to get away from Sam and Bucky. 

You take a step, intending to run after him, but Sam stops you. “We’ll get him later. Right now we need to talk to the police and paramedics. If the countless videos aren’t enough proof of what John did was wrong, our statements will.”

You nod but don’t say anything as exhaustion takes over. Your knees buckle and Bucky nearly carries you to the nearest ambulance. A blanket is wrapped around you and you’re given a bottle of water. Bucky leans against the ambulance door and your eyes watch another team of paramedics take care of the body underneath the statue. 

He’s placed on to a stretcher and a cloth is draped over his body to give the illusion of privacy, even in death, despite the number of people that watch.

A police officer approaches the ambulance you’re sitting in and asks if you’re ready to give a statement. You nod as you gulp down your water. You tell the officer everything that happened that led to the tragic event that followed just several minutes earlier. You leave out any mentions of the serum. The US government would find out soon enough. 

The officer thanks you for your time as another one approaches to take Bucky’s official statement. His is nearly identical to yours, apart from the times that you had split up and separated over the last two hours. He’s gruff and fuming and his arms are crossed over his chest. If you weren’t still angry at him, you would tease him, but now wasn’t the time. The officer thanks him again before scurrying off.

Sam reappears and adjusts the gear on his arms before shaking his arms. “There’s a ping on Walker’s location. He’s at some abandoned warehouse in a wooded area in the outskirts of the city.”

You nod and slip the blanket off your back. Your exhaustion could wait. You jump from the ambulance and Bucky rests a hand on your shoulder. You quickly brush it off. 

“You better think long and hard before you open your mouth, Barnes. If it’s anything other than “you’re coming with us,” keep it to yourself,” you snapped at him. 

He stares at you with wide eyes and parted lips, and does exactly as you asked. He says nothing. 

You walk in silence towards the outskirts of the city to John’s location. Your muscles burn with each step and you’re struggling to breathe, but you push through it. You have to for Sam and Bucky’s sake. 

You hold your breath as you enter the warehouse. John’s back faces you and Sam throws an arm out in front of you to stop you from getting any closer. He turns to look at the three of you and you rock back on your heels. 

“You don’t want to do this,” John said. His voice is casual and condescending. 

Bucky rolls his shoulders. “Yeah, we do.”

The shield flies through the air just inches from your head. You double back as Bucky and Sam tag team against Walker. 

Your eyes widen in horror at the sight and sound of Bucky crashing into one of the electrical beams. He remains still and it sends you into a panic. You’d never seen him like that before. 

You run straight towards Walker. You use your weight and momentum to leap up and choke him with your thighs, a move Natasha had taught you all those years ago. His fingers dig into the tops of your thighs with all his strength. Your own hands are too busy scratching and squeezing at his throat. 

Walker throws his back into a steel pole and it makes you lose your grip on him. The force of the impact sends you crumbling to the ground. Now it hurts to breathe. 

You land with a loud crash. You’re in a daze and can barely see straight. Black specks and stars cover the corners of your eyes as you fight off unconsciousness. 

John stands above you, his arm pulled back with the shield in hand. He was going to kill you, just like he did to the Flag Smasher, and there’s nothing you could do to stop him. 

You’re too weak and injured to fight. You’re on the brink of physical exhaustion. You can’t mask the pain any longer. You’re going to die before you have the chance to tell Bucky how you feel. 

You throw your hands up, a futile attempt to stop the shield from blowing your brains out. 

Sam knocks John off balance just as the shield moves towards your head. Sam uses the strength of his wings and jet pack to kick John in the stomach while Bucky knocks him from behind. For the first time, John’s on the floor. 

Sam and Bucky use all their combined strength to rip the shield from Walker’s grasp. There’s a loud crack that fills your ears and he howls in pain as his hand loosens around the shield. 

He swings at Bucky with his uninjured arm and Bucky punches him right in the face. This time John doesn’t get up and Bucky grabs the shield and tosses it beside Sam’s head as he lays on the floor near you. Several silent seconds pass as the three of you catch your breath and attempt to regain your bearings. 

Bucky crouches in front of you and gingerly threads his fingers through the hair at the back of your head. You’re not bleeding anywhere on the top of your head. 

Although you couldn’t see straight, you know his deep blue eyes find yours. Your head spins and you feel like you’re about to puke. 

“The shield,” you slurred, “did you get it?”

His soft laughter fills your ears. He wipes away the blood collecting under his nose. “Yes.”

You hum in approval and your vision begins to clear up. You blink rapidly and Bucky carefully wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you to your feet. 

Yes, you were still mad at him, but the way he held you against his side as you walked out of the warehouse made your stomach flip. It nearly makes you forget about your argument just hours earlier.

[n0bamak1s]

drive you crazy - mai zenin x reader

request: “could you do mai’s reaction to silent treatment? can the read be gender neutral also?” - @hitchsimp

summary: after having to carry mai to the infirmary following the goodwill exchange event, reader finds themself in an argument over mais carelessness. this leads to mai wondering just why she’s so upset over being ignored like this. (genre: enemies to lovers, angst-ish to fluff, oblivious pining)

warnings: mentions of violence, some angst, swearing

word count: 2.2k

a/n: sorry i’ve been kind of slow with writing lately everyone! exams have me pretty busy atm but hopefully i’ll be in less of a slump after i’m done with that. i hope you guys enjoy this in the mean time! also criticism is greatly appreciated bc i’m still kind of a beginner on writing arguments and stuff like that ^_^

mai decided that she hated being ignored.

not that you two were anywhere near best friends or anything, in fact most of the time you guys were at each others throats over something trivial. at least when you guys argued, though, you still acknowledged her presence. she knew you couldn’t stay silent towards her forever, you guys would have to work together eventually, you were teammates of sorts after all.

you had started giving her the cold shoulder not long after the goodwill event. utahime had called you to inform you mai was out of the game, and you had to go retrieve her. you groaned at the idea of having to be her knight in shining armor, but reluctantly began to make your way to the forest that the group had split up in.

by the time you found her lying on the grass, unconscious, you were already irritated as you cursed whoever made these uniforms so stiff to run in. you crouched down to get closer to her level, lightly shaking her shoulder in hopes you would stir her awake. when that didn’t work, you rolled your eyes and picked her up, one hand supporting her upper back and the other tucked under her knees.

at first glance to anyone else who may have seen how you carried her, it would almost seem romantic. thought, their opinions would probably change pretty quickly if they saw how you lectured her when she woke up.

she stirred awake and blinked a couple times to adjust to her surroundings before turning to see your very tired and very annoyed face.

“you could’ve just stuck to the plan, you know.” despite the anger clear in your face as you stated at your lap, your voice had a quality of softness to it mai had never heard. before she could get any words out, you interrupted her train of thought and continued talking. “we made that plan for a reason. you knew you weren’t ready to take on maki, so why would you put yourself in danger like that?” you looked up to make eye contact with her, and she noted the subtle hint of gentleness in your eyes, but not before she jumped to defensiveness.

“what the hell makes you think you know why i wanted to fight maki?” she resented your concern in favor of starting an argument with you.

“have you ever considered that maybe you need to think about how your little revenge fantasy ruins our chances of winning this thing.” the warmth in your voice was now gone, replaced with a tone far from sympathetic. “we’ve all worked hard to get a chance to make it somewhere as jujutsu sorcerer, so it would be nice if you at least tried to care.”

for a moment, mai found it hard to come up with some kind of response. of course she knew how hard you worked to get here, not that she’d admit it. so why did she suddenly feel a twang of sympathy at how betrayed your words sounded?

before she could even think of how to counter what you said, you got up from the seat you had been in and strolled out, not even giving her the satisfaction of some kind of goodbye.

you guys weren’t even friends. she thought you were too irritable and you thought she was too full of herself. she shouldn’t care this much about whether or not she had hurt you. this feeling would probably wash over by morning, and you guys would go back to your usual bickering.

it only took one glance at you the next morning to see that, no, the feeling had not washed over.

for one thing, you had completely ignored her when utahime announced you would choose partners for sparring. normally, you would nod to mai wordlessly and stalk off in her direction so you two would spar together. it was the one thing you guys were good at doing together, maybe just because it was a way for you to get your anger out on each other from all the snide comments and annoyed glares you guys exchanges on the daily.

today, however, you turned to noritoshi and asked him if he would be your partner. when mai glanced in your direction, she couldn’t help but notice the soft smile that graced your face when you asked him, nothing like the stoic one you usually had when you guys partnered up.

why should she care about that? you and noritoshi were a couple of hard asses anyway, so why did it bother her so much if you chose to spar him instead?

she was currently paired with miwa, who seemed to quickly catch on to the quick looks she sent in your direction in between the punches thrown.

“did you get in a fight with them or something?” mai didn’t need to hear your name to know who miwa was asking about.

“something like that.” she caught her breath after dodging a kick at her legs. “apparently i’m too ‘careless’” miwa noted how her punches came with more force when talking about it.

“they probably just want you to stop putting yourself in danger, you know?” as much as miwa loved you guys, it was kind of ridiculous how much obvious stuff she had to say just to egg you guys on to make you realize how in denial you were about your care for each other.

“then they could just tell me that. maybe they should follow their own advice about caring.” she huffed annoyedly, eyes wandering back over to you sparring with noritoshi, seeing how you smiled so kindly at him as you helped him up. her eyes lingered on you for just a moment too long, studying the way all the tension in your face seemed to release, with your eyes growing shinier and the corners of your mouth quirking up without a care in the world.

why didn’t you ever smile at her like that?

your ignoring of her continued for the next few days. mai felt herself grow annoyed, because she had no idea how to get under your skin. she didn’t want to admit that she was bored without the pointless arguments, or baseless insults that you guys shared. now, when she joined you with the rest of your classmates for lunch, it was like she was invisible. instead of criticizing her aim during target practice, you would turn to momo and ask her about the new show she was watching, and it was like mai didn’t even cross your mind.

you couldn’t keep this up forever, surely. even when you weren’t trading insults with each other, it was obvious to anyone else how you would bite back calling out her name in concern when she took a particularly hard hit in training. regardless, you were still far too stubborn to admit how you missed talking to her, even if it was just to lecture her about paying more attention to her surroundings while she rolled her eyes about how you had stopped by the infirmary so late just to say that.

why were you so insistent on preaching to her whenever she went and got herself hurt?

it became rather monotonous for your classmates, watching the both of you glance at the other one with soft eyes when you thought no one else was looking. it was exhausting seeing how you guys grew tense at the mention of the other’s name, trying to pass off your embarrassment for anger.

it had been a few days more of dealing with your stubbornness before you finally managed a break from one another with mai and todo going out for a mission together. you knew them to be somewhat of a chaotic duo together, so you hoped this would work to your advantage in giving you a day of rest from all this pointless drama. you knew it was childish, sulking over problems you had caused entirely on your own, but with the time apart, you couldn’t help but become just a little bit self pitying. it was only natural when you had messed up your chances with the girl you liked because you were too scared to admit your feelings to yourself.

wait, what?

you probably would have sat and soaked up your startling revelation (well, startling to you at least) before you were abruptly interrupted by a knock on the door of your dorm room, followed immediately by a call of your name by miwa. she said something about needing help patching up mai, and you hated yourself for how quickly you sprung up from the spot you had been lounging on your bed. ignoring the strangely knowing look miwa gave you, you picked up your pace to the infirmary, feeling much more limber in your lounge clothes. it was hard not to notice the contrast between the last time you spoke in the infirmary when you swung open the door without even a knock, your eyes flooded with concern.

before mai even had a chance to process your disheveled state from running all the way to the infirmary, you spoke to her for the first time in a week.

“i’m sorry.” your voice was breathless as you leaned against the doorframe.

instead of pointing out the obvious fact that you had suddenly decided to speak to her again, she just adjusted herself so she sat up in the stiff infirmary bed, choosing to point out another obvious fact. “you know it wasn’t your fault i got hurt.” her words made you feel like a dunce, but her tone was earnest, genuine.

“but maybe if i hadn’t been ignoring you i could’ve been there to help you out.” made your way towards her so you sat at the edge of the bed, grabbing a small roll of bandages and leaning down slightly to observe where any injuries remained. “i should’ve been there to help you out.”

she raised an eyebrow. “i don’t need you to protect me.”

“i know that,” until then, you had your eyes trained on the papery sheets adorning the bed, but when you met her eyes, she could see the heartfelt look in your eyes “, but i want you to be able to rely on me.”

you broke eye contact momentarily, reaching for her slightly bloodied hand to wrap, resting it loosely in yours. your fingers settled around her palm so gently as you wrapped the bandages, she noted. it became difficult for you to stay focused with how her eyes watched you so intently.

was she smiling?

“quit beating yourself up over stuff like that.” her voice was hardly above a whisper as she leaned forward, using her good hand to brush away some stray hairs that had fallen in your face. “whenever you’re not there to protect me, you’re always the first one to ask what happened, the first one to come running with bandages, the first one to tell me to take care of myself.”

then she gave you that knowing look. the same one miwa had given you when you rushed to the infirmary, the one noritoshi had given you when you glanced her way during sparring, hell now that you thought of it, the same one todo had given you when he and mai had been paired up for a mission. the once small and nearly undetectable smile gracing her features grew into what was the closest thing you had ever seen to a grin from her. had her face been this close to yours the whole time?

“because i just drive you crazy, don’t i?” her eyes were half lidded as they stared deeply into yours. you couldn’t even be brought to deny her teasing, just nodding meekly at her announcement.

she leaned in close to you, if she just tilted her head, you guys could’ve been kissing.

“that’s good you know.” her voice was so quiet that you were sure had you been any further away, you’d never have heard it. “since i’d be lying if i said i didn’t miss you and that stick up your ass when you were avoiding me.”

you chuckled quietly, tilting your head down so it rested on her shoulder as you did, causing her to let out a soft laugh herself.

“you kind of scare the shit out of me sometimes mai.” you lift your head back up to look her straight in the eye. “but i think i’d lose it if i spent any longer pretending to hate you.”

it’s just for a split second, but in that split second you felt as if you two are the only people in the world. you barely even had to move before your lips brushed up against hers. it’s almost timid, the way you kiss her, as if she’s made of glass. despite your delicacy with her, she’s quick to lean in, as if she’s chasing the feeling of your lips on hers. her bandaged hand that still rests in yours squeezes your hand tightly in reassurance. when she pulls away breathlessly, her cheeks are flushed pink and her face is painted with a smile that you can’t help but swell with pride from knowing you’re the reason it happened.

that same knowing look is back on your classmates’ faces later that same day as they note you and mai exchanging wide smiles they had never seen from either of you as you made your way through the halls of school.

[ladymajavader]

I love everything you said about the difference between malex and m*luca in the parallel scenes. I’ve been thinking about that too in regards to how Michael reacted to either. With her, he always seemed to be walking on eggshells or apologizing, for whatever reason he decided that was a relationship he needed to keep going so he seemed to just go along with whatever she said.

With Alex though. Like you said, Alex responded with a joke and Michael immediately told him it wasn’t a funny matter, he already feels comfortable with his concerns and fears and voicing them. And then in the scene after the ledge, it’s clear Michael is worried but upset and he doesn’t really try and hide it while still talking rationally with Alex about it.

It’s just so blatantly obvious the difference in relationships but also in Michael himself and how he’s himself and comfortable in being himself around Alex, like he always has been. I hope all that made sense, I’m just rambling I think!!

Yes Nonnie, your rambling makes perfect sense to me, these are also the paths my train of thought takes (see my ramblings below:P). Like I said on that post, if the show didn't want us to compare and contrast those two relationships, they shouldn't have made them sides of a love triangle. It's a plot device geared towards making the audience choose sides and compare options - should our main be with option A or option B? Which is better for them in the long run?

There was this brilliant post s about how RNM completely botched the execution of the love triangle as a plot device by not allowing Michael to ever make comparisons, but still the audience sees and compares those two relationships, inevitabley weighing - which is better (for Michael)?

And this (Speedily) Established Malex gives a lot of parallels to consider, but what interests me the most rn is what you zeroed in on perfectly - the difference in Michael himself and his comfort around his partner.

In 2x01 he pushes Alex away claiming that he never said no to him and always went where Alex wanted him to - and then he promptly falls into exactly that kind of dynamic with M. 

He was a pretty good boyfriend to M - we all saw him trying very hard, communicating, sharing personal stories, doing stuff for her, compromising. The problem was he gave all power into her hands and didn’t get anything back - not that we saw on screen. All the speeches on feelings were from him - the closest she got was that “I’ll never leave you alone” line which was used to shut him up about his concerns for her health and to stop pestering her about making a compromise and making his opinion a factor in her choice about her life. Funny, it’s almost as if TPTB knew that they didn’t have a future together and that translated into the character making choices for herself, without considering Michael, because she was building her own future, not theirs. 

We’ve been shown them communicating, but we’ve never seen her listening or at least letting Michael’s opinions inform her actions. And he really had no way of knowing how she felt about them other than if she currently wanted him around. And here he was, the person who all his life pushed everyone close to him away before he could be abandoned, trying SO HARD to be good enough not to be abandoned. 

Contrast that with Alex, who spends entire season 2 and beyond basically proving his love and devotion to Michael. Michael has no reason to doubt how he feels (he has a whole song about it), what he would give up for him (life, livelihood, sanity and happiness) and most importantly - that however Michael hurt him, he'd always be there for him and ultimately come back. Combine it with the dramatic "burn the world down" declaration and “piece I cannot live without” that solidifies Michael's understanding that Alex will always make choices with them both in mind, since he doesn’t see a future for himself in which Michael doesn’t exist and isn’t safe and happy - and no wonder he's so confident in their relationship. 

Even though it's so fresh, even though the demons of their past mistakes haunt them both, in 309 Michael doesn't doubt for a minute that Alex changed his mind or ran away when he doesn’t show up for their date. Michael forgives instantly, we don’t see him reverting into old habits of lashing out because he was hurt/felt rejected, because he didn’t feel rejected! He knows whatever mistakes Alex makes, Michael is always his top priority. He has the confidence that as much as he gives of himself, he will receive from Alex in return tenfold. And we see that Alex not just lets him talk, but actively listens and let Michael’s opinions, emotions and concerns inform his choices. Because he’s builiding a future FOR THEM.

tl;dr the difference in Michael between those two relationships is mostly based on confidence and trust in the commitment of his partner. And whatever comes next from the show I’ll be forever grateful that they’ve shown that so deeply ingrained, trauma-induced maladaptive behaviors and habits that hindered Michael in froming and maintaing a good relationship can be overcome, and not by supressing, but by having total trust and support from his partner.

[toadwarts]

Safe At Last

Two humans in love manage to escape from an abusive home and right into the twisted world of Mother Miranda's village. After fleeing from mutated monsters, they meet with The Duke, who offers them board and food in exchange for their work. It is their first night in his caravan, and they discover that they may have another person to add to their romance...

Fluffy and flirtatious, this is a self indulgent and simple fic about The Duke and polyamory. It is written first person, but made so you can also insert yourself into the narrative if you so please.

Read on A03 or Fanfiction! Or you can read here, below the Read More!

I stared down at my empty bowl, reveling in the warm feeling of a full stomach. The Duke’s cooking was more than high quality--it was incredible. It had been a long, long time since either I or my partner had a meal with high quality ingredients, and not something wilted, slightly green and fuzzy at the edges, or simply scraps from someone else’s meal. 

I looked over at my partner, a calm feeling unfolding in my chest. They looked right at home here in the back of The Duke’s caravan, surrounded by the wealthy man’s various wares. A content, dazed expression was fitted on their hard features, and when they met your eyes their own lit up. 

“Did you like your meal?” They asked, smiling as they nodded to my bowl. It was clearly a tease, since I had all but licked it clean. 

“I don’t know, did you?” I laughed, playfully knocking into their shoulder with my own.

“Yeah, I think I could eat this food forever!” They said, patting their stomach and leaning back on the elegant couch we were sitting on.  “Plus, it doesn’t seem like the vampires or lycans come anywhere near here.” Their gaze flitted up to the garlic hanging overhead, then back to me. “Do you feel safe here?” 

I paused. Before we had run away to find the village, my partner and I...had not had the best of lives. Trapped beneath my mother’s thumb for years into adulthood, we lived in a less than sterile and a more than hostile environment. It felt as if the trauma was as much a part of me as the bones beneath my skin. 

Then of course, the village...was not as dream-like as we had hoped. We had narrowly escaped a group of lycan like creatures before stumbling upon the Duke’s caravan. He had offered us a place to stay and some food to eat in the back of his wagon in exchange for work--seeking out wares, cleaning, and just a little bit of heavy lifting. It was our first evening here and so far… It seemed too good to be true. 

“I do feel safe.” I finally said, swallowing down the hard lump in my throat. “But that’s what scares me.” 

They leaned back, sighing heavily. “I know how you feel. It makes me wary, but...what choice do we have?” 

“He does seem nice.” I nodded in agreement. “Even if he is very interested in his stock.” 

My partner laughed, their hand encircling mine as they pulled me close. “It’ll be okay. Maybe this is what we’ve been looking for! He did say he travels...so who knows where we might end up?” 

“I don’t mind as long as it’s far, far away from there.” I whispered, suddenly choked up. I couldn’t believe we were really gone. That we were in this immaculate, clean and beautiful oversized wagon, with an immaculate, clean and...admittedly, beautiful oversized man. A kind man. We would never have to go back to that evil place ever again. 

“Never again.” They whispered, pulling me close and planting a kiss upon my forehead. “I love you, dearest.” 

“And I love you.” I returned, nuzzling into the crook between their neck and shoulder. 

The back of the caravan swung open then, letting the fading light of dusk in. “Well, well, how are we doing back here, little ones?” The Duke stood before us, leaning on an ornate cane to support his heft. He was a massive man, both in height and girth, immaculately groomed and dressed to the nines. He was the finest gentleman either of us had ever seen for sure, and we felt lucky to have been found by him. 

“We’re okay,” I said shyly, standing up. “The meal was absolutely perfect. Thank you so much!”

“Of course, of course!” The Duke smiled broadly. “I quite enjoy cooking, so if there’s anything in particular you have a craving for, just let me know. All I’ll need is assistance procuring ingredients, but that should be no trouble at all.” He heaved himself up the steps to the caravan, ducking through the doorway and coming inside. He had quite the mighty presence indeed, radiating a quiet elegance and strength despite his jovial tone and quaint attitude. 

“Is there anything you need us to do tonight?” I asked as my partner took our bowls. My feet ached terribly from running so much , and I shifted a little from side to side. Like The Duke, I was also fat, and unaccustomed to the sort of travel and fleeing we had been facing in the days prior. I yearned to sit back down, but my politeness won me over. 

“No dear, not tonight.” The Duke said. “You two just rest after everything you’ve been through. Tomorrow is an early day though, so do be prepared!” He walked over to the couch, settling down with a sigh. “I have some stock for Castle Dimitrescu, so we will be heading there.” 

“Castle Dimitrescu?” My partner said, dubious. “I heard...less than good things about that place. I’ve already dealt with enough vampire hags!” 

The Duke laughed heartily, as if my dear one had said quite the funny joke. “No need to fret! I have a truce with all of Castle Dimitrescu, as well as the other Lords you have heard about, so there is nothing to fear since you are now being employed by me. You simply have to look pretty and do a good job of peddling my wares.” He winked, leaning back. 

My partner blushed, and so did I. The Duke was also a rather straightforward man. 

I kept shifting from foot to foot, feeling uncomfortable but doing my best to not to show weakness. Before, weakness had gotten me beatings and beratings. Though The Duke seemed benevolent, I had no desire to discover if he had a dark side. 

“Are you alright, little one?” He asked, eying me up and down. “Feet hurting? After a long day, I certainly know how that feels. But you’ve had many long days, yes?” 

I grimaced. “Ah… Yes. They are, a bit.” I flushed with embarrassment. 

The Duke leaned forward. “Why not have a seat, my dear?” His face crinkled with concern. “No reason to cause further harm to yourself. Rest easy now.” 

I began to lower myself to the floor, but jumped back up when the large man’s jarring laugh rang throughout the back of the wagon. “W-What?” I said, flustered. My partner was then protectively at my side, their hand at the small of my back. 

“You don’t need to sit on the floor! While it is certainly a nice one, that will only hurt your back.” The Duke said. 

“But...there’s no where else to sit.” I looked around. Duke took up the couch we had been sitting on, and there was really nowhere else to go but the floor now, unless we went to The Duke’s bed further in the caravan. The thought made me flush. 

“You can sit right here, I don’t mind.” The Duke patted his sides. His ample belly and the arms of the couch made for a makeshift seat for sure. “And you too,” He said, pointing to my partner. “I know you, the strong type--never wanting to rest, always pushing yourself for everyone else. Come, be comfortable, and let’s chat.” 

I looked up at my partner, face red as a bushel of roses. I was delighted to see that they were too. It was rare that I saw my partner this flustered, and it made butterflies dance in my stomach. 

“Are you comfortable with that?” They asked me, squeezing my hand, a knowing look in his eyes. We had talked about this sort of thing before, but nothing had ever come to reality. 

I nodded, feeling like a storm of wasps was zooming around in my guts. The Duke really was incredibly straightforward, but it didn’t seem as if he had any ulterior motives. He just wanted to offer comfort and good company to both of us--and I guess it was obvious that both my partner and I thought he was pretty cute. 

My partner glided forward, hand still in mine. We stood before The Duke, who had a calm and knowing smile on his face. He offered his hands to each of us, which we shyly but gladly took. We climbed up on either side of him, settling down and reveling in the softness of his sides. We sat there stiffly for a moment, feeling completely out of our leagues. 

The Duke chuckled gently, his strong arms coming ‘round to encircle us. I felt myself go stiff when his hand brushed against my back, the cool metal of his rings soothing as he placed his hand there. “Is this alright?” He asked both of us coolly, looking from my partner to me. I nodded, locking eyes with my partner as he nodded too. 

My partner was long and thin, a wonderful contrast when sidled up next to the massive Duke. I was short and fat, but even I felt swallowed up by The Duke’s own plush body. He felt like the world’s comfiest...well, not human exactly, but something.

“Good, good. Last thing I want is to make my newest proteges uncomfortable.” The Duke nodded firmly before beginning to rub soft circles into my back. “Now, try to relax. The two of you deserve it. “ 

I let myself lean into The Duke, resting my head atop his pillowy chest. I relaxed into his side with a soft sigh, relinquishing myself to his soothing touch. 

“Protege?” My partner asked, their tone light. “Since when were we your proteges rather than just employees?” 

“I don’t let just anyone handle my wares!” The Duke announced with a chuckle. “I could tell there was something special about the two of you. I’ve heard of the sensation of le coup de foudre.” 

“Love at first sight.” My partner said coyly. “You don’t play around, do you?” They slid an arm over The Duke’s soft belly, reaching for my hand. Tenderly, I reached my own arm forward, taking their hand in mine in an embrace that came as easy as breathing to me. The feeling of my partner’s fingers squeezing mine atop the pillowy expanse of Duke’s midsection was heaven. 

“Oh no, not when there’s sales to be made!” The Duke laughed brightly. “And new friends to make. Perhaps more?” 

I reveled in The Duke’s scent--rich cologne intermingled with the faint touch of expensive cigar smoke. I looked into my partner’s eyes, bright as the sun itself. I let myself relax even more, cuddling up to The Duke and relinquishing myself to comfort. I was finally free, ready to face the world with the love of my life, and we had both run right into the arms of someone else with plenty of love to give. The future was surely ripe with possibilities.

Both of them smiled down at me, and I felt...safe. 

Safe at last. 

[sierraraeck]

Happier

Spencer x Fem!Reader

Spencer x Luke

Masterlist

Summary: Things have been slowly declining in you and Spencer’s relationship. Going out to a bar alone one night, you figure out why.

Category: Angst.

Warnings: Brief mention of alcohol

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: This was inspired by the song “Happier” by Marshmellow and Bastille. If you wanna give that a quick listen, go for it, if not, that’s chill too.

In the cold light of day we’re a flame in the wind

Not the fire that we’ve begun

But we ran our course, we pretended we’re okay

‘Cause with all that has happened

I think that we both know the way that this story ends

You met Spencer at a bookstore. He was a regular, but it was the first time you actually interacted. He was carrying enough books to nearly block his vision, and when he no-so-gracefully plopped them down at the register in front of you, the whole pile came toppling down. You watched in amusement as he collected three of the books from the floor and placed them back down on the desk, now ready to check out.

“You know, we provide baskets at the front for this reason,” you smirked.

He barely glanced up at you, and shyly said, “Do you know how many germs are on those things?”

You laughed, “I’m not sure I’d like to know.”

He quickly raised his eyebrows at you. “I wish I didn’t.”

You checked out the rest of his books in silence, then wished him a good day on his way out.

The next week, he was back in, and grabbed the same outrageous amount of books, dropping them on his way to you.

“Back so soon?” you questioned, remembering who he was quite well.

“I needed some new reading material,” he shrugged. You cocked an eyebrow at him. “What?”

“The last thirteen books weren’t enough?”

“I finished them,” he nonchalantly stated.

“You’re kidding.” He shook his head. “Jeez. Is the only thing you do read all day?”

“No,” he innocently responded, “I only need a few minutes to read each. I’m actually an FBI agent.”

You stared at him blankly. That was not what you expected. “Wait, what? You’re an FBI agent, and you can read hundreds of pages in only minutes?”

He nodded as if there was nothing impressive about either of those. You were still shocked and mumbled, “Okay, wow.”

The third time he came in, you noticed that he was waiting until your register was free, so that you specifically could check him out. You had a bit more small talk, this time about some of the books he’d read. The fourth time he came in, you left some disinfectant wipes by the baskets, knowing that he really should use one, and wanted the germaphobe in him to feel comfortable taking one. He looked over at you and you smiled at him while he wiped down one of the baskets to use. It was that time while you were checking him out that he asked you on a date. You, of course, said yes. You wanted to know more about this mysterious, handsome man that worked for the FBI and could read an insane amount of books in only a short period of time.

Things were great at the beginning. You got to know each other, and the more you found out about him, the more and more you liked him. The two of you started spending almost all of your free time together, and you were considering asking about moving in together.

That is, until he started pulling away.

You weren’t sure what had gone wrong. Things were great, and then it seemed like one day he went to work interested in you and came home distant. Like his mind was elsewhere. You tried to ask him about it, but he deflected every time. He used to never like going out with his team, but he slowly started spending more time with them, and less time with you. You hinted at wanting to meet his team, and hoped that he’d introduce you to them soon, but with every passing day you grew more doubtful.

You’d been anticipating a break up for a while now, but you just didn’t think it’d be you who did it.

Spencer was out with his team again. He’d only briefly talked about them, and you couldn’t help but wonder if it was one of his team members that was holding his attention. Maybe that JJ or Emily person, you thought.

You were tired of being left home alone, and were feeling even more down than usual, so you decided to go out by yourself. If Spencer wasn’t going to have fun with you, you could have fun with you.

You pushed open the door to the bar on the corner of the street, but stopped in your tracks when you saw Spencer, and the group of people around him you quickly put together was his team. You scooted out of the entryway, and just stood there watching them. You felt sort of creepy doing it, but it might’ve been the only time you could see Spencer when he wasn’t around you. Maybe it would tell you something.

What you saw felt like a spear to the chest. Spencer was smiling. He was laughing. God, you missed hearing that laugh, seeing that smile. It’d been so long since he’d done either, and that’s when you realized the full weight of how unhappy Spencer must be with you.

Sure, he’d been pulling away, but the process was so gradual that seeing the stark contrast of him with his team versus him with you was blinding. It was like the universe was throwing it in your face just to mock you. It was painful.

The thing that really got you, though, was the way he was looking at one of his teammates. It wasn’t one of the pretty blondes, or either of the jaw-dropping brunettes, but it was the dashing man next to him. You’d seen those eyes before, the ones Spencer was giving him. He looked at you that way once, but not at all recently.

You felt ashamed for it, but your initial reaction was resentment. You hated the very attractive man with deep brown eyes and a little scruff that you’d never met. He was the reason that your Spencer was drifting from you.

But that’s the thing. He wasn’t ‘your’ Spencer. He was just a cute, shy, germaphobic guy that you met at a bookstore. And based on the way that he was looking at his teammate, you wondered if maybe Spencer hadn’t been ‘yours’ for a while now.

Unbeknownst to you, you’d started tearing up, and only noticed it when some of the people around you started giving you strange looks. You furiously wiped at your face, and took a few deep breaths. At that moment, you decided to leave, to calm yourself down for the rest of the night and confront him about it tomorrow.

You were nearly out the door when you heard that oh-so-familiar voice call out, “Hey, Y/N!” You turned to see Spencer slightly jogging towards you, “What are you doing here?”

You experienced forever in a moment, hundreds of thoughts swarming your mind in an instant: I’m here because he never wants to spend time with me anymore and I was going to drown my feelings in alcohol; It doesn’t matter why I��m here because now I know what’s been going on between us; I can’t stay with him; but I love him; maybe we can make it work; he’s clearly unhappy with me and I’ve known it for a long time; the way he looks at his coworker is the way I want him to look at me; can I ever make him look at me like that again; what did I do wrong; this is that man’s fault; this is Spencer’s fault; this is my fault; maybe I’m just not good enough for him; why am I not good enough for him; god I think I might cry again; no I need to pull myself together, that’d be embarrassing; I wish I was good enough so I could see him smile and hear him laugh like that again; that man made him smile like that and laugh like that, something I haven’t been able to do in a long time; he doesn’t love me; he loves him; I love him; I want him to be happy, he deserves to be happy; I deserve to be happy; I want him to be happier than he is with me; I want him to be as happy as he is with that man all the time; I want that happiness to be with me, but it’s not; I want him to be happier.

We shouldn’t do this anymore.

It’s not that you couldn’t do it anymore, you wanted nothing more than to keep fighting for the two of you, but you had the astonishing thought that you just shouldn’t. I wouldn’t be fair for you to keep Spencer from the man he truly wanted, and it wasn’t fair to yourself to continue in this relationship.

In the blink of an eye, you heard yourself speak the words you never thought you would, words you couldn’t even believe you were saying out loud, right now, to the man you just realized you loved. “I’m breaking up with you.” You felt tears rising to the surface, but you swallowed them down. This is for the best.

Spencer looked beyond shocked, like he surly hadn’t heard you correctly. “What? Why?”

You gave him a sad smile, “Spence, this is the first time I’ve seen you happy, like really truly happy. And you know what? It’s not with me.”

This just confused him further. “I don’t…” he trailed off.

You gestured toward the strong-jawed man who was trying, and failing, to not-so-subtly look your guys’ way. “It’s with him.”

Spencer followed your gaze, and offered a small, confused laugh. “Who, Luke? No, we’re just-”

“I swear to god, if you finish that sentence with ‘just friends’ I will slap you across the face,” you cut him off. Spencer gave you a slightly startled look, so you lowered your voice to a more calming one. “Look, you should be with him, okay? You actually want to spend time with him and you’re smiling which I feel like I haven’t seen you do in months.”

Spencer was shaking his head. “Y/N, I can try harder, we can-”

You held up your hand to stop him. “I don’t want you to have to try. No one should have to try that hard to keep this going. It should be easy, effortless, which is what you’re getting from someone else. So no, we can’t and more than that, I don’t want to.” You felt almost as surprised as Spencer looked from your words. They were true, from the depths of your soul you felt how true your words were, and couldn’t believe that you were finally admitting that.

Spencer’s voice was small when he asked, “Why?”

You heard the double meaning behind the question, and answered with the first thing that came to mind. “Because I love you.” You realized it was the first, last, and only time you’d get to say that. “And that’s why I want you to be happy, even if it isn’t with me.”

Spencer was about to respond when a high pitched voice, sounding slightly drunk and a little bit annoyed, yelled across the room, “Yeah, new guy!” You saw the tall man approaching the two of you, and it all kinda clicked into place. New guy. So when it felt like one day Spencer woke up loving me, and came home distracted, that wasn’t too far off. He went to work that day, which was probably the same day that ‘new guy’ started working with him. It all started slowly making sense in your head.

‘New guy,’ Luke, walked up to the two of you, standing shoulder to shoulder with Spencer, and cautiously started, “Hey, what’s going on here?”

Looking at the man before you, you hated to admit it, but your anger diminished a little, and your jealousy grew. He was a very attractive man, full, strong build, piercing eyes, gentle face, and about the same height as Spencer.

You gave Spencer a pointed look about the proximity in which they were standing, especially when the other man’s shoulder brushed up against his. Spencer wasn’t a touchy person, but he actually seemed to relax in the other man’s presence. That spoke volumes.

You knew this Luke guy was also a profiler, so he could probably sense the tension, granted anyone probably could’ve. He quickly looked at Spencer before directing his attention back to you. “Can we help you with something?”

You wanted to scoff, or laugh, or vomit. Maybe all three at the same time. Can we help you with something? Clearly Spencer had never told any of them about you, and you couldn’t help but smile, with just a hint of bitterness, at his immediate use of ‘we.’ As if you were a threat that he needed to help Spencer defuse. But you also smiled because you were right. Again, it didn’t take a profiler to spot the very different tension between the two of them.

You shook your head, looking more at Spencer than at the other man, “No, I don’t think so. Not anymore.” There was no malice in your voice, only sadness, with just a dash of exhaustion. Who knew that pretending like your relationship wasn’t sinking took so much effort?

Spencer gave Luke a tight smile, “Just give us a minute?”

He wearily nodded, but backed away from the two of you. You sighed, “Look, he seems like a good guy and clearly already loves you in some capacity, and you know what?” You half-joked, “If he does something stupid you give me his number and I’ll give him a call.”

This earned a small laugh from Spencer, which made you want to both smile and cry. Of course, it was only after you’d broken up that you could get him to laugh. You settled for a small smile, and an immediate awkwardness settled over the two of you.

You made the first move, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek. With a comforting hand on his shoulder, you looked into his sad eyes, and whispered, “Bye, Spencer.”

Those were the last words you exchanged, and you walked out of that bar without another look back.

You were letting him go.

You were setting him free.

Then only for a minute

I want to change my mind

‘Cause this just don’t feel right to me

I wanna raise your spirits

I want to see you smile but

Know that means I’ll have to leave

So I’ll go

[life-rewritten]

True Beauty; Problematic Bullies and Strained Friendships

Can I just say that these two episodes of true beauty have left me again with so much anger and disappointment? I've just spent the last 30 minutes sighing and shaking my head and cursing some of these stupid, frustrating characters. Now it's not even Soojin I'm cursing surprisingly, I have a different bone to pick with her, and a different perspective, but it's everyone in that stupid school, society, just everyone who switched at the end of episode 12. Now I did see it coming, but the fact that it's the same video of Kyung being treated like an animal that is what got them to switch without any morals or understanding, or pity, is so disgusting to me. I'm left cursing all the people who were Kyung's friend, who supported her and then just left her by her self to deal with this because of pettiness and anger that she lied to them. Make it make sense. The characters in this show sometimes act like one-dimensional puppets just doing whatever is the status quo, robotically seeing someone as of less worth because of their looks, feeling cheated for no reason (like she's not even friends with some of these people) because someone 'ugly' is hiding behind makeup, like what? It doesn't add up. Anyway apart from the focus on bullying which I will be breaking down more, I'm glad to see the tag and social media is less focused on the love triangle and more understanding about Suho now, I mean why not, he's a good boyfriend, but what I actually wanted to praise was the depiction of friendship with Suho, Seyeon and Seojun, and Suho and Seojun's journey in reuniting their bond again. It made me cry a few times, and it was very heartwarming. But it's just depleting my energy, even more, when I have to contrast it with Soojin's downfall. Sigh what a depressing reveal as a villain. Anyway, I have a lot of thoughts so let's get to it.

THE PROBLEM WITH BULLYING

What I like about True Beauty is that it does these interesting foreshadows/mirroring to certain situations that the audience will soon see show up. In episode 11, Suho is broken down and haunted by the reveal of what happened to his best friend however the show fleshes out and gives us more information, and depth to Seyeon as a character and the intense friendship between the three boys. At first, I wondered where this flashback would lead us to; however, I started to notice the similarities, the foreboding trajectory of Kyung's storyline in episode 11/12 to Seyeon's own betrayal and downfall.

Seyeon's story of how he became framed by his bullies once they discovered he was famous is so startling and similar to how JK's ruin takes place. She got immensely known and was put in the spotlight, and then because of a bully and someone she calls a friend; she was also framed differently as being someone who she isn't. The same reasons why Seyeon was attacked was because he lied about who he was, he had a lot of people who loved and admired him, and his reveal betrayed them, he was set up because of coldness, callousness and manipulation. This is the same with Kyung by the end of episode 12.

Let's talk about how True Beauty shows bullying as a focus; We have different characters that are connected, affected and pushed to the brink because of bullying. We also have the bullies some surprising; some just disgusting and frustrating, but also society plays a role in this bullying as well. Let's look at the characters:

Seyeon: Framed and Misunderstood 

First of all, it's heartbreaking to know more about what happened to Seyeon in the past, and it's even painful to know his story ended. From what I'm getting from his life story, Seyeon was quiet, shy, introverted but I think he also was a bully victim. He changed his name to Seyeon when he moved and found Suho and Seojun, and because of them, he learnt to fall more in love with his passion; music. (This is so eerily similar to Kyung changing her past, also finding her own passion and happiness which is makeup). Now he felt alone all his life before this because he was getting bullied and finally he got his debut as a star, and he managed to become more confident, successful and happy.

The problem is his bullies weren't letting go (like the frustrating harpies of Park Se Mi), they decided to make his life hell, so they posted a rumour, that Seyeon wasn't who he said he was (which might be true, he changed his identity probably to run away from the past) but they also made up more about him, they framed him instead as the bullies, and they twisted his story. Because of their actions, and Seoyeon feeling like his past was brought back, when he ran to Suho to ask for help, he felt like Suho believed the news and broke down in despair by himself in anxiety, probably PTSD and depression and he took his life.

Now let's pause there for a minute because we now know how this affected Suho significantly, but this is how True Beauty emphasises the amount of pain, suffering and anxiety Kyung ends up in, in episode 12. The same heartbreak, the same fear, the same worries, and the same comments and people dragging her down because of her looks. Now with Seyeon, as much as I hate cancelling nature, and social media bullying, the reveal that he was a bully, despite it not being real, I can understand some of the reactions people would have against him because as we're seeing, bullies in Korean Culture aren't cute, they're worse than other bullies, they drive people to take their lives with the extent of physical, emotional and psychological harm they inflict on someone. People thinking Seyeon was one of those people is quite shocking and should be called out; however compare this to Kyung's own situation.

Whilst Seyeon was being attacked for a valid reason from society, Kyung was being attacked for being ugly. Like compare causing harm to people by psychologically and emotionally abusing them to not having the perfect face structure, having acne because you were born that way, like compare that to what Seyeon was being blamed for. Does that make sense? And the frustrating thing about it is Kyung has a right to hide if she wants to under makeup, it's not like people have really given her a choice to avoid taking things this way. The upsetting thing about this is it's not just a picture of Kyung's face that is causing this uproar of feeling betrayed. It's not a picture where she seems happy and safe, and her life is unbothered by these things she has to hide. But it's a video of her being treated as less than a human, a video where she is being taunted and spoken to vilely, a video where she's having trash tossed on her, and she's breaking down psychologically and emotionally. A video where she's genuinely being denounced for being born.

It's unsettling. And it's ironic because Seyeon was being attacked and talked about by righteous teens about bullying and being woke about people who do this, but really society just stands by idly and judge someone because they're ugly. Being ugly is apparently enough reason for why bullying is okay, it's enough because she apparently shouldn't be allowed to live her life how she wants, it's so sick, they'd throw pitchforks at Seyeon for being the bully of people but also turn a blind eye and join in with bullying a girl because she doesn't fit their natural standards of beauty? It's sick.  It's unsettling, and it calls out the hypocrisy of people, people who just want to see people lower than them suffer. What gives them the right to speak about Kyung this way? What makes them superior to her? Because they're pretty? Because they don't have acne? Like what is the problem? Why are they so butthurt by her hiding her face with makeup and looking good. I just don't understand it. I'm very emotional about this as you can tell, so I'm going to have to move on, I just wanted the parallel of Seyeon and Kyung's storyline to be noticed.

Kyung; Ignored and Betrayed

Let's focus on Kyung in episode 11/12. She goes through her normal anxiety and worries, and at first, she doesn't communicate her fears to Suho. But I have to say that Kyung was starting to realise that she couldn't be paralysed by her PTSD. Actually, she bravely goes to Soojin to confess about Suho which I was so proud of her for, but she also goes back to save Hyemi from her bullies despite her anxiety and worry she'll get found out. Her concern was valid, stopping Semi was going to put a target on her back, and also Hyemi betrayed her before, so she has every right to feel some kind of way towards her. However, despite that, Kyung stood up for someone else in her position again. And it's something that I love about her, and I think she'll probably find her dream job doing, later on, we've seen her do this with Gowoon and help her come of her anxiety and depression and put makeup on her to get confidence and sing in front of people.

We saw her protect Hyemi this episode; I'm sure that's what she'll do in the future is help girls like her who feel the same broken, fear, and pain at how they were born. She'll be someone who stands up and helps them regain their confidence like Selena did for her. It's really inspiring and wonderful to see her find that passion slowly and make her dreams come true in that way. Kyung helping Hyemi shows her character, and she could have been like these slimy people and try and get revenge or be annoyed at her forever, but she just walks away and lets her be and prevents her from ending up in the same state she was in, in episode 1.  The sad, painful truth is Kyung has been proven right, why she was so afraid to trust people, to tell people about who she really was, why she struggled with trusting Suho with the information, people are fickle, and they switch based on shallow things, like appearance, popularity, money etc. Kyung's friends proved to her that she was right to not trust them with it, even Soojin who was meant to be her helping hand sat there (I mean she's the person who caused it) but she sat there and watched Kyung deal with her break down. It's just so messed up.

Hyemi; Forced and Tormented

Speaking of Hyemi, Hyemi also showed the same reasons for why Kyung has been so scared and worried about everything; these bullies are so weird, they make it their life goal to keep someone as their victim under this messed up of form of slavery and ownership. Hyemi ran away after feeling guilty of what happened to Kyung, she reported Semi and her harpies and tried to restart her life. Like Kyung, however, she got caught immediately, and we see what would have happened if Kyung hadn't leaned in heavily to makeup at the start. She won't be able even to walk the streets without those bullies finding her and getting her back under their abuse. And it's so disgusting. Semi is so worrying as a person; sometimes I feel like she deserves jail for all the pain she causes to people. She takes pleasure in breaking people down because she's afraid they'd take away her spotlight? I don't really understand this type of need for power, but it's disgusting. As much as Hyemi disappointed me in episode 1, she has no choice like Kyung but to betray her friend because it's soul-crushing the type of bullying, her and Kyung go through because of these girls. She has no choice in the matter because even when she tries to do good, they find her and they make her life even more hellish, and because she's 'ugly' as people keep saying, no one helps her, like with Kyung. They sit by and watch and say she deserves it. And the one person who does help every time has also been transformed because of her own bullying situation. And it's again heartbreaking.

Soojin; Regressed and Transformed

So remember how I said that Soojin is not who I'm cursing by the end of this episode. I'm so angry and upset at her; I was also disappointed with the writing because it's basic and I detest girl hate. Soojin's character has now been ruined officially; there's no way she can come back from her actions this episode. She's become essentially like Semi, and it's painful to watch. First of all, she tried to pretend things were okay in episode 11, she did try, but her feelings and her reliance on Suho was more critical, and as much as I hate her, I can understand her desperation.

Suho is the only person who knows and can help her with her own bullying situation. She's being even more bullied harshly by her own father, she's also being psychologically, emotionally and physically tormented and she can't escape this person. It's haunting. And it's heartbreaking because she doesn't truly have friends (apart from Kyung) because she's always the one people rely on (like Suho), she's put in this state of always being the person who defends, and fights, and protects and does what's right. Her life is seen as privileged, and great, and wealthy, and she has everything even the looks that Kyung desperately suffers because of. She's always had to rely on her strength and her self and her brains, but when she's broken and exhausted and needs someone to run to; Suho was that person, and now Kyung was making Suho not be able to be that person.

Her mindset is ruined because she can't find anyone else to turn to, her father is just as influential as Suho's father and the school won't protect her from him and need her good grades to stay with the reputation they seek, no adult can defeat her father, and so she's stuck. It's so worrying, watching her run into her room and she couldn't escape him because he was pounding on the door determined to enter and hit her more. And her mother is spineless and lets it happen, so Soojin is the most broken character and the most alone out of everyone in the show. Kyung is going through a lot of trauma, and her situation is so messed up but Kyung at the end of the day has Suho, she has Seojun as well, though she doesn't know the extent, she has her family even though her mum is not the best, she has her dad, her sister etc. Soojin has no one to run to. Kyung can't do anything to help her with the situation, and Kyung is taking away the one thing that probably could help her in her opinion.

Everyone is quick to hate and judge Soojin but her character arc makes sense because at the end of the day there is really no other place to run to, to avoid regressing into self-harm (washing her hands till they bleed and crack) but to put that pain on others, to feel resentment, jealousy, anger and desperation to get rid of an obstacle. Sadly, she had to endure this torment and become a shell of her self because she's now going to take it too far and it won't be forgivable if she keeps on making Kyung feel like she shouldn't be alive. It won't be right no matter what. And we see how far she can go by her actions in episode 12. She may be the typical second lead female we wanted her not to be, but she's written well, and her trajectory makes sense. I just hope she reforms before it's too late.

So bullying is a big deal in True Beauty, it's what's really causing all our characters to spiral into the trauma and pain they are in. Suho and Seojun may not be bullied, but they're co-products of it, by losing Seyeon they also had to suffer because of what bullying does. In a world where the adults aren't truly dependable, are more distracted by the need for reputation, status and fame, and act inhumanely when it comes to the suffering of these teens, who could really help our characters? They're all going through their pain and trauma alone and being pushed to the point of seeing life as futile and empty. Everyone in true beauty is a victim of this callous society and adults. And it's unsettling.

THE FRIENDSHIPS THAT WERE STRAINED

But this post is also about friendship. One thing that also was mirrored was the importance of friendship; if the teens all join together to protect their peers, if they all show unity and love and understanding to someone, they could save a life. Friendship apart from Kyung's was really great to see. However, there was a parallel with Suho and Seojun and Kyung and Soojin. I also wanted to say the annoying implications that women friendships have to always to be this way is frustrating; women aren't always conniving and manipulative and fickle when it comes to love, it's sad to see Suho and Seojun discuss so happily and calmly about liking the same girl and in the same episode watch Kyung break down and be brutally betrayed because Soojin liked the same guy as her. Like what message are you putting out? More on the bromance of Seojun, Suho and Seyeon. I find it fascinating because for so long, I wondered why this friendship was so important, like why these three are so tied to each other. But after episode 11 to 12, it's obvious. Like I said these three had had their own volatile situations that made them feel all alone and empty even Seojun actually and finding each other was what ignited their passion for life and brought them happiness and joy. Let me explain more in each character's pov.

Suho; Neglected and Withdrawn

Suho had struggled with a father figure and resentment at the whole world, he had to become self-providing basically and had no emotional support. It's so lonely to hear him talk about how alone he was from a very young age, his father was already distant from him (neglectful probably couldn't handle the mother's death but he also was cheating, so it's a bit ironic), he had no one to live with, and he had to take care of himself alone. But also there was resentment for his father because of the paparazzi tormenting him when he was younger, he felt suffocated by the reputation, popularity and status of his father and his father wasn't there to help him with that. You could say it's because Suho pushed him away, but no it's still a duty as a father to fight to come in and spend time with your son, to ask how he's doing, to check in on him in his house like how has he never once tried to force Suho to spend time with him and communicate their differences? Sigh.

So anyway the reason why Suho needed Seyeon and Seojun is because it was the first time he had people to run to and talk to, and it ignited this passion in him to do something he loves. Music. It's actually depressing when we see his phone in episode 12, he has no contacts apart from Kyung, his father, and maybe the high school guy—like Suho had no one for a long time until he met Kyung again.  But we also see his transformation in this episode, because he's more animated, lively, happy because yes Kyung and him are in love but also because Seojun is back into his life. Seojun and him basically reunite. Despite teasing and acting gruff and emotionless with each other, (because they've been separated for a while) they finally have each other again, they're still close. They still care for each other immensely; they're each others priority. And it's so sweet to watch despite the one painful thing about Seojun having feelings for Kyung.  But even then Seojun staying over at Suho's house and them laughing, and fighting and acting up, even Kyung noticed how different Suho had become. And I don't know it just made my heart warm. So that's what friendship was for Suho, he had two people who he was devoted to, who made him want to have something in life and be trusting again of people. They cared for him and nurtured him in their own way and helped him feel not alone. So congrats to Suho and Seojun reuniting.

Seojun; Responsibility and Pressure

  And now Seojun is a fascinating character. I tend to avoid analysing him because he's always happy, has a comfortable lifestyle; good friends, a good mum, a sister who cares about so much, etc. His life apart from the angst with Seyeon is so problem-free. He doesn't need to be jealous or sad, or traumatised because he's in a suitable environment mentally and he also is a good person. But let's go back to the past before Seyeon's demise. Seojun probably also felt alone and empty. Let me explain Seojun mentions that he used to envy Suho because of his wealth, his father in his life and his reputation. This makes us realise what Seojun thought he lacked, he apparently struggled a bit with poverty and not always having everything; he also didn't have a father figure in his life. In fact, we praise how good he is as a son, but it must have been so difficult to become the responsible man of the house as we put it when he was younger, one he had to worry about his mum's health, and take care and provide for her, two, he had to take care and protect his sister hence why he's so protective, he had a lot of responsibility on his shoulders to deal with.

And I think the one time he felt free and happy at first was probably when he made music with Suho and Seyeon. Because he doesn't have to think about responsibilities, or how to help his mum and more, so that's probably what he gained from their friendship a place to just be a teen and have fun. Obviously it's revealed, Suho helped his mom when she was ill, and that was heartwarming again to find out because these three were so protective and caring for each other, so loyal and bonded, and I think it's precious to see that. Obviously, after Seyeon's downfall, Seojun was resentful, angry and frustrated and he joined his gang of new friends, and they're so sweet, and just as devoted to him, it also made him more rebellious and more prone to fights because he had anger to let out but also his mum started to get better, so he was still frustrated and depressed about the circumstances but he had somewhere else to fall on, his new friends and his taking his anger out when he could. The only thing that probably was very hurtful more than just Seyeon was choosing to give on his dreams for music. However now he and Suho have reunited I think his music will come back, that passion is between him and Suho, and it's their dream.

Seyeon; Alone and Afraid

And well from my analysis you know what these two meant to Seoyeon, his letter is so heartbreaking and also beautiful because like they were all he had. And they just helped him find that confidence, that passion for life and companionship that he needed. And it's so sad he's not still with them. However Seyeon was truly a victim, and because of his influence on both Suho and Seojun, it's why they'd be able to help Kyung deal with everything she has to deal with in the next episodes. Because of Seoyeon, and also because his sister is the same as Kyung, Seojun is very protective and determined to prevent more losses in his life. Suho was at the rooftop and helped Kyung, stayed by her side and understood her when she had no one else making her feel loved for who she was because of Seyeon's effect on him. He also was determined not to have someone else end up in that situation. Because of this, they both will be able to help her get through it, and that's why I'm not as frightened or worried about her because she has these two great guys who won't stand back and let her do this on her own.

As much as true beauty is about a love triangle  between these three, it's also a really touching friendship between all of them. Kyung becomes like the weird replacement (not really) for Seyoeon because she brings back that passion and zeal into these two's lives, and she provides a companionship to them that is different from others, they also do the same for her. So I'm delighted despite the heartbreaks and loss that they found each other, I'm glad they're friends at the end of the day, they care about each other a lot, and even if Seojun somehow ends up the third wheel and the one that's left out a bit, I'm glad that his friendship with Kyung and Suho is still more important to him than vindictiveness or jealousy. Then again, like I said Seojun compared to Soojin is in a different headspace, environment and has more from life than she does. Her mistakes and her betrayal hurts, but it makes sense, I just hope she grows and changes before it's too late. I hope she finds love, peace and happiness someday. Everyone deserves that.

[chudleycanonficfest]

Dancing Around You

Day 31, Post #2 by @adenei

Title: Dancing Around You

Author: adenei

Pairing: James x Lily

Prompt: First Date

Rating: T 

TW: Some language and mentions of past abuse.

a/n: inspired by the scene in In The Heights when Vanessa and Usnavi go to the club.

*****************

I walk into the corner shop in my neighborhood and see James, Remus and Sirius talking by the counter. The scene causes more annoyance to course through me, which probably stems from the shit mood I’m already in. James and Sirius are supposed to be working, since this is their job. And why isn’t Remus at the broadcast station across the street at his own job?

So what if James owned the shop after it was left to him when his parents passed? Work is still work, and he shouldn’t be skiving off while on shift. I’ve busted my arse day in and day out for the last three years so I could save up to rent a flat in Camden to pursue a career as an interior designer. Moving out of Peckham to a more centralized location will help put me on the map as a well sought after designer.

But that was all for nothing. I’ve just returned from my meeting with the realtor, and despite having enough rent saved up for a whole year, plus the security deposit, he waved me off as if I belonged in the slums! The twat said I needed someone to co-sign a lease with me. Tears sting my eyes as I’m reminded once again of how alone I am. Having walked out at seventeen to escape my parents’ emotional abuse for the last seven years, I had no one to turn to despite the close-knit neighborhood I lived in because this was a secret goal that no one knew about.

I’m sure Marlene’s mum would be more than happy to co-sign a lease with me, but I couldn’t ask that of her. Not when she’s done so much for me already. No, I just need to hold my head high and keep moving forward. I put on my business face and strengthen my resolve, so the boys don’t suspect anything out of the ordinary.

Walking over to the fridge, I grab a Fanta and a Coke for Mrs. McKinnon. When I left the office earlier for my appointment, she asked me to bring one back. Now, I have to return to my job as her secretary at her own Real Estate office and try not to resent every client who walks in the door. When I shut the refrigerator door and turn to head to the register, I see James leaning against the glass of another fridge door.

When the hell did he creep up on me?

“Evans, how’s it going?”

“It’s been better.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

For a moment, I think about letting him in. I open my mouth to say something, but change my mind at the last second.

“You wish.”

“Right, well, what are you doing tomorrow?”

Narrowing my eyes, I observe James. We’ve been friends for years, and it’s a friendship I cherish more than anything. He’s always been there to make me laugh, to match my sarcasm and wit, and he’s never been afraid to go toe-to-toe with me. I know him well, almost as well as I know myself, but I’m not expecting his question or the butterflies that flutter in my stomach in response.

I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t attractive. His perpetual bedhead, black hair and piercing yet kind hazel eyes have always stood out to me. It’s no secret that he’s fit from lifting boxes all day and playing on a club football team in his free time. But I’ve never allowed myself to think there could be anything more between us besides friendship.

So, why does it feel like he’s asking me out? Am I misreading the signs? I decide to keep the ball in his court to get a better read on his intentions.

“I’m going dancing with Marlene and Mary,” I reply, keeping my voice cool and collected.

“Oh, sounds like fun.” He glances down at the bottles in my hands. “All set, then?”

I nod, and If I’m not mistaken, his shoulders slump as he turns to head back to the counter. Should I have invited him and the guys to join us? Before I can ponder it further, Sirius cuts me off and pushes me back into the aisle.

“You and the girls are going dancing? That sounds like fun. I’d bet my buddy over there would love to join you.” He raises his eyebrows as if willing me to catch his subtle hint, which I do.

“Wait, was James just trying to ask me out tomorrow?”

Sirius shrugs. “Probably, but you two have been friends forever, and despite his smooth-talking with most females, he seems to get tongue-tied around you.”

A burst of laughter bubbles out of me. “James? Tongue-tied? Around me? What are you smoking?”

“Nothing, Evans. Just pointing out a fact.”

Fine, if Sirius is going to pester me about this, I will prove him wrong. I brush past him toward James so I can pay for the drinks and be on my way. Sliding a couple pounds to James over the counter, I smirk at him.

“You know, Potter, I could use a dancing partner tomorrow night. Pick me up at eight?”

His head snaps up, and he looks shocked before a goofy smile replaces the surprise on his face. “Er, yeah, alright. I mean, if you’re sure—”

Cutting him off, I put him out of his misery. “Great, see you then.”

The following evening, we’re walking into Alohomora, the most popular nightclub in Peckham. My friends and I frequent the club at least once a month. I love its mix of neons glowing amongst the blacklights and the worn leather benches framing the booths around the perimeter of the dance floor. It’s come to feel like a second home to me.

Dancing is an outlet for my frustrations. I love letting the music consume my soul as the loud thumps of the bass vibrate through my body as I spin on the floor. Tonight will be no different, except that James is with me. As my date. At least, I think he’s my date. Neither of us have actually talked about what this is.

“Wow, I haven’t been here in ages. Have they changed the layout recently?” James asks.

“Not that I can recall,” I wave his question off as I hear a number of people shout my name in greeting.

“I didn’t realize how popular you were here, Evans. I’m impressed.”

“Impressed by what? It shouldn’t come as a surprise that I have more friends than you three. I hope that doesn’t make you jealous.” My playful banter is accompanied by a smirk as James laughs.

“Me? Jealous? Of course not. Care for a drink first?”

“Sure.”

Usually, I’d prefer to dance a bit first, but I don’t want to drag James onto the dance floor if he doesn’t want to. I’m not even sure if he enjoys dancing since I’ve never seen him here before. He’s flagging down the bartender when someone calls to me.

“Lily! Hey, Lily!” Terry Fawcett is pushing his way through the crowded dance floor. “Wanna dance?”

He holds out his hand when he reaches me, but I shake my head.

“Sorry, Ter, I’m here with someone else tonight.”

James turns as he overhears the interaction and waves me on. He contorts his face in a weird, ‘trying to be chill, but still looks sort of pained’ way.

“It’s alright, Evans, go ahead.”

I’m taken aback. Maybe we really weren’t on a date. “But—are you sure?”

“Yeah, just save one for me later.”

“Oh, well, alright.”

My hand falls into Terry’s even though I’m not certain I want to dance with him. There’s an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that I’m not used to as I walk away from James. It’s ridiculous, but I think I’m actually disappointed that James passed me off so easily. And I’m just as mad at Sirius for even putting the thought that James might fancy me in my head because it’s all I’ve been able to think about since yesterday afternoon.

Well, there’s only one way to find out once and for all if he cares. Make him jealous.

I dance as I’ve never danced before when the music changes to an upbeat Latin tune. I spin around the floor, dancing with Terry before I’m passed off to other men that I’ve danced with once or twice in the past. It takes everything in my power to not steal glances at James, but I do catch when his baffled look turns dark as he begins to scowl at the men who are practically lined up to dance with me.

By the time he does walk out to the dance floor to cut in, I’m exhausted. He pulls me into his arms, but I’m still annoyed that he’s waited this long.

“Potter, I need a break.”

I pull away from him and walk toward the bar, where Sirius holds two drinks in his hands. I grab one and slam it down, shoving the glass into his chest once it’s empty. Then, I turn and head for the exit to get some air. It’s much quieter on the street, save for the ambient sounds of traffic in the background, a stark contrast to inside the club. I lean against the wall as I catch my breath and watch the cars go by.

The door to the club opens, and the music splits the night air as James steps out.

“Evans, what the hell was that?”

“What was what?” I ask, feigning ignorance.

What? Is he angry? Good. Let him be angry.

“You! You ask me to come with you, spend all night dancing with other blokes, and then when I try to cut in, you ditch me.”

A derisive bark escapes my lips as I push off the wall and step closer to him, matching his stance.

“Don’t you dare try to blame this on me, Potter. You’re the one who pushed me away! I would have been perfectly happy dancing with you all night, but no, you sat back and watched as I danced with everyone else.”

“Well, what was I supposed to do!?”

He can’t be serious right now, playing the victim and passing this onto me. There’s no way I’m letting him get away with this. I step even closer, thankful that my heels bring me closer to eye level with him, so it’s more of an even match.

“I don’t know, put your arm around me and tell the bloke to fuck off? That I’m taken?”

“Are you taken?”

“I don’t know, am I?”

Our breathing is heavy, chests heaving as our noses are a hair’s width apart. All I can focus on is the intensity in his eyes, the gold flecks burning like the flames in a fire. I wait for him to say something, or do something, anything except stare at me. I give him more than enough time, and he doesn’t make a move, so I decide that I’m done.

As much as I don’t want to, I break eye contact and turn away. I’m not in the mood to stay out, so I begin the walk home. James and I are friends, and that’s all we’ll ever be, but that doesn’t stop me from cursing Sirius for putting the thought that we could be more in my head. Because now that I’ve accepted the thought, I’m not sure I want to stay friends. But it’s clear now, this wasn’t meant to be anything special, and I was stupid for thinking it could be.

[thefinalcinderella]

Kaze ga Tsuyoku Fuiteiru Chapter 9 - To Beyond (Part 3)

Full list of translations here

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For Jouta, his younger twin brother Jouji was truly the other half of his soul.

Jouta and Jouji's parents never mixed up their sons. When the twins were younger, they would often play pranks on the adults by pretending that Jouta was Jouji and Jouji was Jouta. But their parents were the only ones who never mistook one for the other.

That’s strange, Jouta would think. Sometimes when he looked in the mirror, even he couldn’t tell if he was Jouta or Jouji.

The twins’ parents never compared their sons. There was no comparison to make, they were completely different people. They loved them as their equally treasured children.

That was a natural attitude for parents, but Jouta learned as he was growing up that some parents couldn’t maintain that natural attitude; some parents compared their children and thought of them as their own property. I’m glad our parents aren’t like that, Jouta thought.

Even though their faces were identical, their souls were different.

Jouta was able to easily and naturally accept this fact because of the way their parents treated them; Jouta naturally loved his twin brother as the person closest to him, and as a person who was completely different from himself.

Jouta and Jouji were always together. They slept in the same room, went to the same school, and played soccer together. They made up as many times as they fought and played with their mutual friends.

Jouta knew almost everything about Jouji—he knew his favorite foods, he knew that he had a small mole on his right ankle, and he knew who had been his first kiss and when. But he also knew that Jouji had a very different personality from him.

Jouta and Jouji had many friends. The people around them thought of them as cheerful and fun. This was quite true, and there was nothing to complain about being thought of like that, but when it came to himself, he felt that that wasn’t the right expression.

Jouji is more innocent than me.

He really makes the atmosphere more relaxed just by being there. Whenever Jouji laughs or gets angry, it’s an uncalculated and honest outpouring of emotion.

Jouta wasn’t so simple and naïve—he sometimes acted in a calculated way, thinking, “If I do this, people will like me.” If anything, people who were as carefree as Jouji were in the minority. That was why Jouta loved his younger brother all the more.

I don’t think Jouji is aware of it yet, though, Jouta thought. It’s time to go down separate paths. We’ve always been together, we’ve always done the same things, but we can’t stay like this forever.

He headed south from the Hamasuka intersection and entered Shonan Kaigan Road. The wind was blowing from the front as they ran along the coastal road.

Jouta and Jouji were almost the same in scholastic and athletic ability; that was why they had gone to the same high school and were both regulars on the soccer team.

However, Jouji was the one who was more suited to running.

Right now, their times weren’t that different. But Jouta, who knew Jouji better than anyone, had noticed.

This is probably as far as I go, but Jouji is going to get faster. He can go places I can’t even see. He’s got that talent in him, and he seems to have a passion for running.

Jouji was loved by many, and he loved everyone equally. Jouji’s enthusiasm and obsession with running had come as a surprise to Jouta.

He had thought he would get bored soon, but Jouji devoted himself to running day after day.

It seemed like even Kiyose hadn't noticed, but Jouji sometimes snuck out late to train on his own; he quietly slipped out of his futon so as to not wake Jouta, and came back after an hour’s run outside.

When it was just the two of them in their room, Jouji would constantly talk about Kakeru. Kakeru’s running was amazing today. I wonder how I can run like that. In order to get even a little closer to Kakeru, he would pose on the tatami and say, “Nii-chan, check my form.” There was a sparkle in Jouji’s eyes in those times.

Jouta and Jouji often fought with Kakeru, partly due to the familiarity and ease of being in the same school year. From Jouta’s point of view, Kakeru seemed unbalanced because of his purity. This sometimes irritated him and he would end up lashing out at him.

But Jouji looked up to Kakeru; he was embarrassed at himself for acknowledging Kakeru, so he was trying to rebel against it.

You’ve grown up, Jouji. Jouta thought desolately—but also happily. For the younger twin brother, the one who had been his biggest rival until now was Jouta. They had always been each other’s goals and had influenced each other through their lives. But now Jouji had finally found a rival and goal named Kakeru.

If you hadn’t run, you never would have known. We can still be together, still see the same things.

But this is as far as we go, Jouji.

As if dragged along by Jouji’s enthusiasm, Jouta also began running. He and the other residents of Chikusei-sou had reached the point where they could run in the Hakone Ekiden. And Jouji would still aim further. He would go beyond, where Jouta couldn’t catch up to him no matter what.

It doesn’t matter, Jouta thought. It doesn’t change the fact that Jouji is my precious little brother. I have to welcome my little brother becoming independent. From now on, all I can do is run with all I've got and give a farewell gift to Jouji as he takes his time to reach newer heights.

I hope that one day Jouji will win. No matter how many years it takes, I hope he will become as fast and strong as Kakeru, if not more so than him, and a runner that no one can beat. Jouta still didn’t know what he would be doing then. But he knew that he would still be cheering for his brother with all his heart, just as he was now.

As he ran, his view was blocked by the barrier of trees planted to prevent the movement of the sand, and he couldn’t see the sea. Only the scent of the tide was carried by the wind over the traffic restricted road.

They say it’s plain, Jouta thought, but it’s really tough, this course.

The third leg, from Totsuka to Hiratsuka, was often thought of as a connecting leg. They left Route 1 at Higashimatano and headed south. After passing near Fujisawa Station at the eight-kilometer mark, the road became a plain town road, and after turning right at the Hamasuka intersection and entering Route 134—commonly known as the Shonan Kaigan Road—the monotonous scenery continued. There were not many houses and the road was far from the station, so even the cheering crowds along the road were sometimes interrupted here.

For Jouta, who was motivated just when expectations were placed on him, he was not good at running with no one watching. It was also difficult for him to run because the road was flat and almost straight when they were along the sea, in contrast to the minor ups and downs before they reached the Shonan Kaigan Road.

The temperature was 5.7 degrees. The tree barrier was on his left. On top of that, the sunlight, which was strong for winter, shone down on Jouta. The wind was still blowing from the front. It would not be strange if he could see Mount Fuji right in front of him, but there was no time to check.

As expected, the Hakone Ekiden is something that should be watched on TV, Jouta thought. While eating osechi and lazing around. We were promised that we'd enjoy aerial shots of the sea, the endlessly stretching road, and Mount Fuji in the third leg; a peaceful and festive scene that excites the New Year's mood.

But what about the pain of actually running?

After receiving the sash from Musa at the Totsuka relay station, Jouta’s Hakone Ekiden had started off with an uphill run. At Totsuka, the runner from Kita Kanto University who had received the sash in seventeenth place furiously outpaced him, but he didn’t care. Tokyo Gakuin University, who had started six seconds later than Jouta also overtook him, but he didn’t panic. I’m not good on roads with ups and downs, Jouta thought.

The Kita Kanto University runner's time was top-class even among the participants; Jouta had made sure to have Yuki show him the data of the runners who were running in the same leg as him. It would be impossible to stubbornly try and compete with them on equal terms. The Tokyo Gakuin guy was already breathing hard when he passed me. I’m sure I’ll be able to catch up and overtake him again.

The Shonan Kaigan Road had good visibility—Jouta could clearly see Tokyo Gakuin University and Shinsei University, as well as Maebashi Kouka University and Jounan Bunka University, which seemed to be dropping in the rankings.

At the fifteen-kilometer water stop, he was told, “The gap between you and the runner in front is closing.” Alright, I can do this. His legs felt even more energized. From the coach car, which had been silent until then, he heard the landlord’s voice.

“Jouta, are you concentrating? You’re not thinking about something else, right?”

I was thinking. About Jouji and all sorts of other things. Jouta cocked his head, wondering how he knew. Was there something wrong with his form?

“There's a message from Haiji. The last kilometer is where you have to hold on. Don’t get shaken no matter what you see, okay? That’s all.”

So it was Haiji-san, Jouta understood. There’s no way the landlord would know. Kiyose must have seen Jouta running on his portable TV and thought he should give him a boost.

But he didn’t know what was waiting for him on the road that would shake him.

Jouta was excited. He thought that Kiyose really could read his personality, but Jouta had been told that there was something exciting, so he couldn’t help but go and check it out. No matter how much he rebelled against Kiyose, in the end he felt like he was dancing in the palm of his hand, which was a little annoying, but also enjoyable.

First, he passed Tokyo Gakuin and Shinsei.

At the 18.5 kilometer mark, there was the Shonan Bridge over the Sagami River. There was a break in the tree barrier, and Jouta was finally able to catch a glimpse of the wide ocean out of the corner of his eye. Fresh water and sea water collided and mingled together, creating large white waves near the mouth of the river.

It was almost time to catch up to Jounan Bunka and Maebashi Kouka. I’ll go on the attack when they cross the bridge, Jouta decided and looked further ahead.

It was TSU.

There it was, the blue TSU uniform with its light blue lines, something he hadn't been able to see until now. He couldn’t reach it yet, but he could get closer. He could close the distance even just a little and then leave it to Jouji. TSU’s Sakaki, who had tormented Kakeru and caused problems for the residents of Chikusei-sou. Jouta was always irritated by Sakaki. I feel sorry for Kakeru, who can’t come up with good responses to him and ends up falling silent, and I’m actually a pretty pig headed guy myself with a lot of worries, but I’m not a shady bastard like Sakaki.

I don’t have anything against the other members of TSU, but they’re our rivals because they’re the team Sakaki is on. They’re the enemy who should be thoroughly beaten to a pulp. Of course, unlike Sakaki, we’ll do it fair and square through running.

Jouta breathed wildly through his nose and put on a spurt. He was next to Jounan Bunka and Maebashi Kouka. The opponents weren’t going to let him pass so easily. However, Jouta was no longer so concerned with the other runners—he only saw the Kikui and TSU runners ahead of him.

There was a sign at the twenty-kilometer mark. The 21.3 kilometers of the third leg were almost over. What is it that's going to shake me? Jouta suddenly thought, and as he approached the last kilometer, he realized what Kiyose had meant.

Because of the straight road, they started to see the Hiratsuka relay station from a kilometer away. The presence of the destination conversely made him feel that no matter how hard he ran, he still couldn’t get there. But he couldn’t get impatient; he had to stick it out here, outrun the other runners, and hand over the sash to Jouji with even a slightly better time.

But then something else happened that surprised Jouta. Two hundred meters before the relay station, he noticed Hanako furiously pedalling a bike on the sidewalk next to him.

Beyond the crowd, Hanako was desperately pedalling the bike.

“Jouta-kun, just a little bit more!”

Mixed in with the cheers, Jouta could clearly hear Hanako’s voice.

Hana-chan, you never say “Do your best” to us. It’s because you know that we’re working so hard that there’s nothing more we can do. Why do you support us this much?

Jouta thought of the expression on Hanako’s face when she looked up at him and smiled, and almost shouted, “Oh!”

It came to Jouta like a divine revelation.

Could it be that Hana-chan likes me?

When he thought about it, Yuki and Nico-chan’s smirking attitudes every time Hanako came to Chikusei-sou, and Musa’s extremely enthusiastic words and actions in encouraging him to walk Hanako home every time all made sense now.

Wait a minute. Jouji and I always walked Hana-chan home together. And she never seemed unhappy with that.

Which one of us does Hana-chan like?

Jouta was confused by the mixture of happiness and doubt, and before he knew it, he had completely overtaken Jounan Bunka and Maebashi Kouka.

---

A little before that at the Hiratsuka relay station, Jouji and Nico-chan were watching Hanako ride away on her bike, stunned.

“She left.”

“She sure did.”

Hanako had been attending Jouji along with Nico-chan at the Hiratsuka relay station, but when she found out that Jouta was finally approaching, she ran off. She grabbed a spectator’s bike and said, “I’ll return it immediately,” and almost forcefully snatched it away.

“She’s a good girl, isn’t she,” Nico-chan said.

Hanako had been her usual self at the Hiratsuka relay station, making sure that Jouji was comfortable during the pre-race time. She worked with Nico-chan to bring him towels and drinks, and talked with Jouji as he stretched to calm his nerves.

Nico-chan liked the open-hearted and good-natured Hanako very much. Mmm, she’s the perfect daughter to be my son’s wife, he thought.

But there’s a problem. Nico-chan rubbed his stubble. Which one of the twins does she like?

He thought that since she decided to attend Jouji, she must like him, but then Hanako had gone to support Jouta as well—to the point where she had seized a stranger’s bike like she couldn’t stay still.

Which one is it? Maybe both of them?

With this thought in mind, Nico-chan said to Jouji, “She’s a good girl, isn’t she.”

Jouji said with a grin, “Yeah, she is.”

This guy really doesn’t know.

Nico-chan sighed and turned his attention back to the top group that had arrived at the Hiratsuka relay station one after the other. Manaka, Rikudou, and Bousou in that order. It had seemed like it was going to turn into a battle between Rikudou and Bousou, but the spectators got excited at the unexpected strong performance of the ambusher.

Behind them, the figures of the runners from the other schools grew bigger and bigger as they approached.

“It’s Nii-chan, Nii-chan got ahead!”

Jouji was in high spirits. “Where?” Nico-chan leaned forward into the road. Jouta, in his black and silver uniform, had just passed the Jounan Bunka and Maebashi Kouka runners. Even Hanako, who was pedalling the bike on the sidewalk, couldn’t keep up with his speed. In the meantime, the sashes of the top teams were being relayed at the relay station.

“Oh, he’s running, he’s running!” Nico-chan clapped Jouji on the back. “He’ll be here soon. You ready?”

“Okay, okay. I’m not going to let Nii-chan be the only one who looks cool. I’m going to run my heart out too,” Jouji said brightly, and rotated his ankles to loosen them up. There was still a considerable distance between Kansei and the schools in front of them, Kikui and TSU.

“Don’t force yourself just because Jouta raised our ranking; you won’t be able to overtake them because of the difference between your abilities and times. Just closing the gap between you and the team in front of you is all we can ask for.”

“Got it.”

Jouji nodded, answered the staff member’s call and went out to the relay line. Nico-chan stood to the side, waiting for Jouta’s arrival and Jouji’s departure.

TSU came to the Hiratsuka relay station in ninth place. Three hours nineteen minutes and fifty-eight seconds had passed since the start from Otemachi. Ten seconds behind TSU, Kikui relayed their sash in tenth place. Fifteen seconds after Kikui, Jouta handed Jouji the Kansei sash.

Up until now, it had been three hours twenty minutes and twenty-three seconds. Kansei University had finally moved up to eleventh place. Jouta, who had run 21.3 kilometers in the third leg, finished in eleventh place with the time of one hour four minutes and thirty-two seconds.

However, Nico-chan had no time to be happy about that. That was because Jouta, who had been running with a ghastly look on his face, said, “Hana-chan might like us!” as he passed the sash.

“What, no way!”

That was the shout Jouji left behind before running off. The looks of the people who happened to be present at the relay station were painful.

“Are you guys even taking this seriously?”

Nico-chan held Jouta’s shoulders after he finished running and dragged him to the back of the relay station as if to hide.

“We are.” Jouta put his hands on his knees and gasped for breath. “Why didn’t you tell us before?”

“You mean about Hana-chan liking you guys?”

“Yeah. Or am I misunderstanding something?”

“No, you didn’t. But why did you realize that now of all times? What if Jouji loses focus?”

“What is it? What’s going on?”

They turned around at the clear voice and saw Hanako standing there. She seemed to have returned the bike to its owner. She wiped the sweat from her forehead and smiled at Jouta. “You were amazing.”

Jouta, who was crouching down, turned red all the way to his neck. “Mm, thanks,” he said, unable to look Hanako in the face.

Oi oi, if Jouta is in this state, then Jouji is also… Nico-chan scratched his head.

“We gotta call Haiji about this.”

Hanako looked at Nico-chan in puzzlement.

---

Kakeru and Kiyose were waiting in front of Hakone-Yumoto Station for the bus to Lake Ashi. They had to finish climbing the mountains of Hakone before the traffic restrictions were put in place, but many people seemed to be thinking the same thing, and the single road leading to the mountains was congested.

“We’re in eleventh place, Haiji-san!”

While stomping his feet in place to distract himself from the cold, Kakeru turned up the volume on the portable TV. The announcer’s voice sounded excited as he reported the situation at the Hiratsuka relay station.

“The first to relay their sash at the Hiratsuka relay station was Manaka University! Rikudou University, aiming for their fourth consecutive Hakone win, was twenty-nine seconds behind in second place. Third place went to Bousou University. The gap with the top is less than fifty seconds. Well, things have taken an unexpected turn since the third leg haven’t they, Yanaka-san?”

The commentator, Yanaka, took over.

“Yes. It was thought that this tournament would be a battle between Rikudou and Bousou, but Manaka have firmly planted themselves in the fray. I’m looking forward to seeing what kind of developments will occur in the fourth and fifth leg, which is the mountain climb.”

“The Hakone regulars—Doujidou, Yamato, Kofu Gakuin, Saikyo, Kita-Kantou, TSU, and Kikui—are occupying the rankings from fourth to tenth place. Not only the rankings for the outbound route, but tomorrow’s return trip and overall victory will also be unpredictable.

“And everyone should be paying attention to Kansei University in eleventh place,” Yanaka said, unable to suppress his admiration. “Even though they were in last place for the first leg, they steadily rose through the rankings afterwards. Their team only has ten people, but all the runners have their own strengths. There is a possibility that they will be seeded, or perhaps in an even better position by the end.”

“I’m not sure if I should say surprisingly, but Kansei is showing a surprisingly good performance. But Yanaka-san, there are three fourth-year students in Kansei; even if they do get seeded, what will happen next year? They won’t have enough members.”

“You have a point,” Yanaka laughed. “I don’t think there has been an instance of a team competing with only ten members, at least not since the Hakone Ekiden began being televised. If they get seeded, they might have no choice but to ask the fourth-year students to repeat a year.”

“No, that’s not a good idea.” The announcer seemed to be enjoying himself. Yanaka’s voice became a little more serious.

“Staying an extra year was a joke, but I’m sure they’ll be fine. There will surely be new students who will want to join the team after seeing the success of Kansei. A powerhouse school is good, but it is also good to have a school where young people who have never run before are given the chance to do it. The purpose of the Hakone Ekiden is both to nurture world-class runners as well as to expand the range of the Japanese long distance world at the same time.”

“That’s a good one, Yanaka-san,” Kiyose muttered.

“Who is this person?”

“You really don’t know much about track and field athletes, do you? He was the ace of Yamato University about thirty years ago? He was the Japanese representative for marathons and also participated in the Olympics. I believe he’s currently the advisor for a corporate sports team.”

“Huh.”

People who run on the world stage really do have different things to say, Kakeru thought.

Just then, the screen showed Jouji running in the fourth leg.

“Why is Jouji running while grinning like that?”

“He really is. His face is slack.”

“Come to think of it, at Hiratsuka, Jouta’s face turned red from exerting himself somewhat.”

“They’re not the nervous type, what’s wrong with them?”

Right when Kakeru tilted his head in confusion, Kiyose received a call on his phone. This time, without hesitation, Kiyose pressed the speakerphone button.

“Hey, Haiji, we've got a bit of a problem.”

It was Nico-chan.

“What’s wrong?” When Kakeru exclaimed that without thinking, Nico-chan seemed a little confused.

“Wait, did I accidentally call Kakeru’s phone?”

“It’s my phone.” Kiyose didn’t seem to feel like explaining the speaker phone function. “What’s going on?”

“Mmmm, so Kakeru can hear me too? If that’s the case, I don’t know if I should say it.”

“Just tell me, please.”

Perhaps sensing the aura of irritation that Kiyose was emanating, Nico-chan began to speak.

“The twins realized Hana-chan’s feelings. Because of that, Jouta went limp and flabby after running, and Jouji was also flabby when he started running.”

Kiyose glanced at Kakeru. Why is he looking at me? Kakeru thought.

“They realized just now?” Kiyose said into his phone with a sigh.

“Yeah, just now. What should we do?”

“I don’t think there’s anything we can do, now that they know. We’ll see how Jouji runs, and if it’s necessary, we’ll figure out what to do.”

“Got it. Then, I’m going to the inn in Odawara with Jouta. Is it alright to have Hana-chan go to Yokohama?”

Hanako was going to stay at the Yokohama hotel with Prince. Jouji would join her there after running the fourth leg.

“Leave that unchanged.”

“Is there anything you want to tell Jouta?”

“Not at all. He ran perfectly.”

“I’ll tell him that.”

After hanging up, Kiyose cracked his neck and said, “Well then, Kakeru.

“Don’t get into any fights at the Yokohama hotel tonight. I don’t think Prince and I can handle you guys brawling.”

“Fight? Why would that happen?” Kakeru asked back seriously. Kiyose stared at him closely.

“So you’re the one who didn’t realize it until the end,” he laughed. “The bus is finally here. Let’s go.”

“What do you mean, Haiji-san? Hey, wait!”

Kakeru and Kiyose boarded the bus that would take them on the old road that went around Lake Ashi and sat down side by side in a double seat. The route ascended while they took a detour down a narrow road, but as there was no congestion like on Route 1, it was probably for the best.

Obstructed by the mountains, the TV and radio signals were no longer being received well.

“We won’t be able to get news until we get to Lake Ashi.”

Kiyose pointed the antenna of the radio this way and that, as though looking for a water vein, but eventually he seemed to give up. He took out his earphones and leaned his shoulder against the window.

“Hopefully Jouji will drive away his wicked thoughts and concentrate on running.”

“’Wicked thoughts’, oh no…”

Kakeru smiled wryly. Hanako’s feelings had finally gotten through to the twins. Isn’t that a good thing? Yes, it’s a good thing. But why do I feel so gloomy? My chest hurts, like when I’m panicking because I can’t run well. It’s like my cells are doing incomplete combustion, and all I have is useless heat inside my body.

Kakeru kept quiet and withstood Kiyose’s gaze on his cheek, resigned to being teased again. He wanted to run immediately. He wanted to feel the wind on his face, to be freed from these indescribable and vague feelings.

The air in the heated bus was vaguely uncomfortable, similar to when you want to sleep but can’t fall into the depths of sleep. To avoid Kiyose’s gaze, Kakeru shifted his hips and sank deeper into his seat.

“We need to get Jouji’s attention back on the race,” Kiyose said. His tone was unexpectedly sincere. Kakeru looked up; Kiyose was looking outside the window. The cedar trees were so close that they almost touched the window.

“If it was you, what would you say to Jouji?”

“Well…”

Kakeru thought about it for a minute, then answered.

Previous | Next

[paranaturalpop]

I rate your pnat ships by how well they work as foils

I’m Professor Pops, welcome to Literature 405: comparing and contrasting in pnat ships. Love is in the air but all that really matters is narrative symmetry!

Mina and Agent Day (submitted by @anxanhh)

two women on missions who need a confidante. 

Mina is a calculating woman of science with a tender, vulnerable heart deep down that she guards. Day is a fun, giggly love goddess but beneath the surface she is just as calculating.  

They are both focused on their prospective goals to the point of subterfuge. 

They have similar missions, to solve the many mysteries of Mayview, but they’re at odds instead of working together. Will these lone wolves learn to let their walls down and work towards a common goal? 

Their spectral energies are complementary colors!!!!!!!!!!!! 

9/10 so different yet so alike. They should kiss and also develop as people.

Spendcia

Where's that post about paranatural having what my hero academia wants?

These two had interacted in cannon only once before we found out they were dating, power move on Zack’s part

The cousinhood and the consortium seem to have bad blood…. Enemies to lovers????

As teachers, Garcia is tired and phoning it in while spender is energetic and committed. But when it comes to mystery solving Spender is burning himself out while Garcia keeps him grounded.

Garcia does things like pack spender lunches with little hearts drawn on the bag but was surprised to be called his boyfriend. He acts chill but inside he is deeply invested in spender but also knows about spender’s isolating tendencies. 

8/10 there's a reason these two have been off and on again for 6ish years, they’re walking a tightrope of vulnerability.

Imaax (submitted by Rubyya)

The Destiel of Paranatural. No I will not elaborate.

Here’s a pnat history lesson, the original ship name was Maxaac, but Zack weighed in on twitter with a much better alternative: Imaax. Also sometimes called Team Lightning Rod. 

Black and blue colors, just like the emotional bruises they leave on the people around them. 

Isaac wants to be seen as heroic and Max wants to be seen as aloof. It presents in different ways but deep down they both really care what other people think.

They both fear sincerity. Isaac protects himself with theatrics and Max with sarcasm. 

Isaac puts on a big show of having strong ethics but he’s a little mean on instinct. Max puts on a big show of cutting people down with his snark and devil-may-care attitude, but when push comes to shove he’s kind and cares how other people feel. 

Max immediately insults every person he meets and they still want to be best friends with him, while Issac tries so hard to be cool and nice but people just can’t stand him. 

The meta tension between Isaac, who wants so badly to be the protagonist, and Max “magnetic personally” Puckett who is exhausted with being the protagonist, is delicious. 

There’s a reason official art tends to portray them together. They bring out the best in each other. Isaac brakes through Max’s performative pessimism and Max brings Isaac down to earth. 

10/10 these two were written as a pair and it shows.

Suzabel (submitted by Rubyya)

One of my fav tropes is ‘enemies to friends’ where the enemy part is completely one-sided. Isabel probably thinks she and Suzy get along great. 

Both the heads of their respective clubs, but with very different leadership styles. 

Isabel only studies her grandfather's spectral style to please him and is a near master of it, while Suzy is incredibly self-motivated even though her actual skills are lacking. 

Isabel is at a crucial time in her life where she’s learning to distance herself from adult authority figures in order to take on more personal responsibility. Suzy is already blazing with independence and could help her adjust. 

Inversely, Isabel could teach Suzy a thing or two about treating your club members with respect and doing the emotional labor necessary to prevent future conflict. 

Red and pink! Valentines colors! 

Isabel could kill you but would never, Suzy would actually try to kill you. 

Investigative reporter/person living mysterious double life is a great dynamic.

Back when Izzy had Eightfold they had the ship name ‘Paper Girls’ which is awesome

7/10 Don’t ask me how I know this but they would kill at karaoke together. And they’re ok foils.

Bullymagnet

Max ‘too cool for clubs’ vs a boy who defines himself by his tight knit group. 

Max is learning to be less passive aggressive and johnny is learning to be less aggressive aggressive. 

Max’s entry to spectral life was when he injured Johnny and saw a shade of a doctopi on him, and Johnny's first shade was Max's doctopi after the hit ball game. 

Johnny refuses to commit to not bullying max anymore even though he really likes him, and max is working on being nicer but he’s still gonna be snarky with people even though they’re his friends. Old habits die hard. 

If he hadn't seen that shade, Max might have joined Johnny's gang. He has the style, the stunts, the snark. 

8/10 Just two bros whose lives are changing forever.

Isaac and Dimitri (submitted by Rubyya)

Here’s my pitch for a ship name: Brainstorm

Orange and blue are complementary colors. 

Isaac hurt Dimitri accidentally somehow. Hurting others accidentally is the central theme of chapter 5. 

Idealist/pragmatist is a classic dynamic

They both have relationships with their spirit partners that are rooted in fear. 

Dimitri’s self concept is overly dependent on his sense of intellectual superiority, and Isaac’s on ethical superiority. 

7/10 have not directly interacted in the comic yet but the narrative symmetry is there

Johnny and Isabel (submitted by Rubyya)

Burnhound Vs Shockadile

These two are natural leaders who know how to treat their friends with respect.

These jocks are both lethal weapons, but while Isabel is a master martial artist, Johnny is a passionate but blunt instrument.

They’re both going through similar identity crises.

Isabel is struggling to reconcile her violent and disciplined upbringing with a good, gentle heart and Johnny is trying to reconcile his violent and self-centered lifestyle with a developing respect and empathy for other people.

Johnny dies his hair red, so he would think it’s cool how Izzy emits a fiery red aura when excited.

8/10 there's a reason these two were the team leaders in the hit ball arch.

Violet and Lisa (submitted by Rubyya)

People have been theorizing about what kind of cryptid Lisa is since day one meanwhile Violet gives off big normie energy.

Lisa is very plugged into all the Mayview weirdness as the queen of the school underground, while Violet was the only person who thought to go get a teacher during the hit ball arch. Lisa was also the only one who really spoke openly about how something was clearly very wrong with Jeff, everyone else talked around it and played by the so called ‘rules’. Lisa’s secret brokering Vs. Violet’s ‘sunlight is the best disinfectant’ attitude presents two different approaches to trying to survive in a school run by a mysterious shadow organization within a town that contains several other mysterious shadow organizations.

“If you were, I’d have to be jealous too.” just two middle schoolers pinning over their crushes.

7/10 two girls against the world.

Isaac and Johnny

ship name: Firestorm?

Just 2 fiery redheaded mediums with anger management issues that command primal forces and wanna be best friends with max

Johnny chooses to have red spiky hair, Issac has had red spiky hair thrust upon him.

Both met Maxwell Pucket and decided they needed to change for the better.

I’ve said this before but Johnny and Issac have equal and opposite philosophies. Johnny doesn't care about the greater good, he just cares about a small group of people who he loves. Issac cares about the greater good, but can’t connect with individuals and ends up hurting them. Together they form one GoodTM boy.

Both their spirit partners want revenge on Spender. This spells trouble.

If there’s anyone to teach Isaac about unconditional friendship, it’s Johnny

Isaac has sworn off violence and Johnny worships at the altar of it.

9/10 they’ve only interacted in canon once so far but I’ve think we’ve got a big storm coming.

Suzy and Collin (submitted by Rubyya)

The Bakudeku of pnat. I will continue to not elaborate.

Suzy once stole Collin's phone which prompted Collin to try to cut her hair which prompted Suzy to stab Collin and at no point did either of them think to move to a different bus seat. As different as they are they are also very much the same.

Collin is the definition of mouth service (constantly disapproving of suzy’s antics but going along with it anyway.) while suzy is all action.

Despite their different attitudes they both seem genuinely passionate about the journalism club.

Fashion icons. Suzy’s sunglasses and legwarmers, Collins sweater vests and wrist bands, this duo could walk for Paris fashion week: middle school edition.

We’ve gotten an indication that Collin cares a lot about what Suzy thinks of him (taking off his wrist bands when she made fun of Max's) but we haven't gotten any sign yet that the feelings are mutual.

5/10 I think their story is yet to be told and we’ll get to know more about how they compare/contrast to each other in the future. Maybe brought on by Dimitri's betrayal?????

Cody and Isabel (Submitted by @a-bitchtm)

Cody is gay by WOG but that doesn't matter here since we are evaluating thematic compatibility, not romantic compatibility.

Red Vs. Blue

Izzy’s arch about stepping into her role as leader through communication and honesty contrasts Cody’s role as the secret class president. Izzy finally told Isaac the truth about the consortium, while Cody blatantly lied to max about being president.

Both seem to have generally good motivations and the skills/talent to back those motivations up.

Isabel is in the process of unlearning the ‘firm hand’ philosophy that she learned from her grandpa and Cody’s dad straight up tried to mind control him into murdering a toddler.

They were both taught to fall back on their capacity for violence and intimidation but those teachings conflict with the people they really want to be.

6/10 just two kids who are being led astray by authority figures trying to learn to be themselves.

Cody and Collin (Submitted by @gatortavern)

They both like vests.

Both beholden to blood thirsty predators

Collin is a journalist, Cody is a vampire/leader of the shadow government. It’s a huge power move on Cody’s part to hang out with Collin.

Cody’s support of his friends is enthusiastic while Collin would have you believe Suzy has kidnapped him.

4/10 they hang out for a reason but those reasons have yet to be fully developed

Isabel and Max (submitted by @Paranatural-goofiness)

They’re both people who have learned to put up walls to keep people out. Isabel through violence and intimidation, max through sarcasm and mockery. T

he other side of this is their mutual journey to let their walls down and connect with other people more genuinely, starting with each other.

Their search for acceptance and identity has led them both to become incredible athletes. Spectral fist martial arts = shred eagle stunts

As we saw in the hit ball game, Izzy faces things head on while Max is all about evasion. However we’ve seen how Izzy has actually learned to be evasive and guarded about her feelings while Max is a little more forthcoming.

8/10  Never has there been faster friends.

Isaac and Cody (submitted by Rubyya)

Drama kings

Isaac wants the likability Cody has.

Parallels of power: Isaac with power he didn't choose and cant control vs. Cody who also didn’t choose to have his power (elected), but wields it like an instrument.

Involuntary anime hair and involuntary glowing monster eyes

These two definitely both fall under the category of “lawful”.

I can see these two ending up on opposite sides of a conflict because they both have such rigid personal codes and an intense sense of duty.

I know I’ve been approaching almost all of these platonically but Isaac probably really wants a cool vampire boyfriend deep down

 7/10 Unstoppable force, meet immovable object. You two should watch anime together.

Hijack and PJ (submitted by @gatortavern)

They both wanna join the activity club so bad

Both have immature ideas about heroism and villainy. 

Both aspire to heroism while at the same time understanding that they aren't that yet and maybe never will be. 

They both, like many people in this comic, wanna be friends with max.  

5/10 Two supernatural babies who should play wii sports together

Stephen and Isaac (@Gatortavern)

Two boys who are easily overwhelmed

Lawful vs. chaotic

Isaac has enough secrets to give Stephen his conspiracy fix for a long time. 

In their own ways they both just want everything out in the open. 

Isaac is Stephen's dream, someone actually living a secret double life, and Stephen is Issac's dream, someone with a cool scar who would think he’s actually very interesting. 

5/10 these two are both very intense in their own way.

Johnny and Ed (Submitted by @theevilbrainman)

Two souls lost in the wind

Two people for whom friendship and loyalty is central to their character, and they’re both struggling with personal growth because of it. Johnny is afraid to change because his friends have always liked the person he already is, and Ed is struggling to even define himself outside of Isabel, the person he cares about the most. 

Both impulsive and uninhibited. 

They both live lives free from expectation. Johnny’s wild bully persona means no one is surprised by his antics or cruelty, while Grandpa Guerra doesn't really care if Ed takes up phantom fist like Isabel. He actually calls him a freeloader. Not having much expected of you can feel free but it’s also lonely and can warp your self-perception. 

6/10 these two crossed paths at exactly the right time.

I didn't cover every submission because even though only 9 people submitted you sent in 34 ships between you. Pnat’s fanbase is small but very dedicated. 

Honorable mentions: 

Johnny and clear sinuses, submitted by @gaul-the-unmitigated

Isaac and therapy, submitted by both @squidgeons and @somethingfishysgoingon

PJ and Johnny, submitted by @gatortavern, who seems to be under the impression that Johnny Would protect PJ and not destroy him just by breathing near him.

Day and Scabs, submitted by @gatortavern, because funny.

Special thanks to everyone who sent in ship between people who have never interacted in cannon, which was a lot of you. My eyes are opened now, so many possibilities.

[scoundrels-in-love]

A while back I talked about how one of the main themes in Run On was giving each other time, but there is the other side of the coin - Translation/Communication/Giving Voice.

This is, of course, obvious in great many ways. But there are aspects in which it’s more subtler and nuanced, in my opinion.

Almost every character on screen struggles with having what they mean reach its intended audience the way they want it to.

There is, of course, Seun Gyeom who has been so quiet and aloof and weird to everyone around him for his entire life. The one who doesn’t know regular life filled with movie references or slang or even drinking culture of SK that he constantly needs it translated to him by other characters. The one who could say the right words, but knew he needed someone to translate them and amplify them so they gained some traction.

There is Mi Joo, the translator that is set on getting details right, who reads his story between the lines, such as about the hurt or being ‘used to it’ (interestingly highlighted by how Yeong Hwa takes the line and thinks it’s cause he’s that good and liked of a guy). Yet, she still feels like she doesn’t understand him enough - with movies, she watches them hundreds of times from start to finish to completely understand and translate them and that is the level of understanding she wants to have of him, but there’s just not enough time that has passed and it is not quite possible that way with people. Plus, she must gain same level of self-awareness as well, but the more she gets tangled up with him, the more she doesn’t understand it - how he climbed over her walls, what is her heart doing when he pouts, why is she downright mad at him. For her, he’s like a language she has instinctive knack for, but there is no Urban Dictionary to let her grasp the final nuances easily, he must explain them himself or her slowly learn from context. And it’s frustrating and annoying and it makes her feel a little stupid and also mad at this stupid language that’s just slightly beyond her grasp. Which, hard same. Been there done that.

From the way she handled the co-interview he had with Eun Bi, then the track field revelation and Woo Sik’s interview (twice), there’s also clear theme that translation is giving voice and power back to the person/story you’re translating. Being a loud speakers to those that would otherwise be drowned out or twisted in someone else’s favor. And that alone is such a beautiful way to portray it, in my opinion.

But that is the premise of the show. It’s of course strong with the leads.

The thing is, it also extends to background characters like Seun Gyeom’s parents, where his father believes what he does comes from love and very clearly can be seen as such or his mother’s seeming uncaring attitude toward his whole scandal or what it might cost him, while she actually is trying to be supportive of him. (Which they don’t communicate until they’re both ready to step forward and have a moment together ala giving time = love/understanding.)

There is the tension between Dan Ah and Seun Gyeom over the assault, starting from her reaction to his proclamation that he wasn’t upset with her (but those people and their mindset that in a sense, is partly hers too). Interestingly, she asks for her secretary’s advice, and even Eun Bi’s, in attempt to understand him. And he, in a way, warns that he may do something still before the race he never starts with “I will stay angry at them”, but it ‘gets lost in the translation’ in a sense.

The only character around Seun Gyeom that currently seems rather straightforward/exempt from this is Eun Bi, his sister. He understands her more naturally, like why she signed the contract with Dan Ah. She’s actually the one we see more emotionally with, like he speaks more animatedly when he expresses he’s annoyed with whole Tae Ri scandal and that Ryan is a bastard, than we’ve got a chance to see so far. She also understands basically instantly that there’s something between him and Mi Joo. It’s interesting that she never pressures him about why he did what he did, neither reframing it as positive nor negative or asking for explanation - only other character who doesn’t do this is Mi Joo, to whom he seems to willingly share the reason. Eun Bi says they’ve not spent enough time to have arguments, but perhaps it’s more rooted in the fact that they somehow get each other and are both just, very set not to fall in the hate cycle and support each other instead.

In contrast to several other sibling pairs - such as the obvious Dan Ah and her idol brother, who both misdirect their frustrations and hurts and run circles around each other, until their feet are bloody, for different reasons. But also the siblings that Yeong Hwa is friends with and tutors - the brother just can’t understand and won’t try to understand the way his sister can’t comprehend the math, he won’t act ‘translator’ to her. Which is interesting, because I feel like this shows and sets up Yeong Hwa as a sort of translator in general - he instinctively understands there’s quarrel between Mi Joo and Seun Gyeom, whom he also coaxed into conversation about loneliness. In a way, he’s also reading through Dan Ah’s cold demeanor and his translation of the world is to bring sweet, indulgent little moments to her - like the honey or the soccer ball.

There is Woo Sik and the whole interview. There is him acting as interpreter/mediator to both of them by setting up their meeting and frankly saying they should make up - and he knew so little, yet he gleaned that they had fought. There is even their other athlete friend who doesn’t know how to get his care across, so he ends up ‘translating’ Seun Gyeom to Woo Sik and pushing the youngest one to reach out first because Seun Gyeom will end up waiting forever.

Come to think of it, even that one little scene at cafeteria where he talks with the boxer girl who liked him is prime example of ‘why didn’t you just say so/I couldn’t understand you’ because they couldn’t speak ‘the same language’.

Translation also applies to the very different class/life styles that all four leads have. Yeong Hwa at one point says ‘I don’t know why but I feel like I should be offended’ when Dan Ah laughs about 500k won being large money. And there is, of course, the 5000 chickens comparison, a very direct translation of ‘her world’ to ‘his’. Similarly goes the ‘amplifying voice’ concept - we don’t know exactly why Dan Ah wants the gallery or her young artist in the spotlight, though we’re afforded glimpse that she’s rather artistic herself with her designs and interest in art -, but she feels a connection and a sort of understanding in Yeong Hwa’s art that they might not yet have verbally, but she wants to make it seen and known to more people. She wants to amplify and bring his art to where more people can see it and be understood/seen.

There is no clever conclusion point here, just that I think it’s beautiful how many layers intentionally or unintentionally have been added to this drama in several themes and as someone who does her share of thinking about languages, both our inner, personal ones and the ones we use to communicate, this really makes me both happy and wistful.

[misplacedgamer]

BnHA Chapter 322 Theory-Reverse Kamino

Ok, so I know we’ve all had our fun this week with bi!Mineta and crying over Tenya and “I have so much I need to say to him”, but the next chapter will be here in 24 hours and it’s time to shift back into theorist mode while I still have the chance. So here it is, my big take on what’s going to happen in chapter 322, also known as the “Reverse Kamino” theory (under read more because I wrote a novel)

Starting simple, I don’t think Horikoshi is quite done with the angst just yet. Chapter 321 was a huge emotional catharsis chapter, that’s to be sure, but it ends on a weirdly somber and abrupt note. While we do see Tenya initially grab hold of Deku’s hand, we don’t actually see Deku gripping his hand back before the chapter ends, which would have been an easy thing to do if this was meant to be the last bit of angst before Deku goes home, ESPECIALLY since Horikoshi loves drawing hands. The other thing to notice is Deku’s face in the panel that closes the chapter.

If you wanted to go for the emotional gut punch, you’d end with the panel of Deku crying, because it's so good and cathartic and resonates so well with what happened in the Stain arc between Tenya and Deku. That’s the panel you end on if you want to close the chapter on an optimistic note. But instead, there’s an extra little panel of Deku that’s extremely foreboding. Deku himself is completely in shadow (contrasting the panel above), and the panel is zoomed out just enough that you can’t see his pupils at all. It’s the same face he was making in the crying panel, but now with his open mouth and his eyes whited out, it looks less cathartic and more like Deku’s frozen in terror.

Let’s also notice the ominous sound effect that takes up a third of the panel. Apparently it translates as a “fwip” sound. I’m not sure what that could be (unfortunately I don’t have every onomatopoeia memorized for this series just yet), but it indicates that something else is happening here. The blurb at the bottom also indicates that Deku’s next actions in the coming chapter are unclear. It could just be hype text, but I think if the angst was over ending the chapter with “Class 1-A has finally reached him!” would have been hype enough.

So what’s going on here?

Well, remember that this whole chapter (and really this whole fight in Kamino) have been paralleling two arcs: the Stain arc and the Kamino Ward Rescue arc. The Stain parallels really only became obvious in this chapter (which really should have been more obvious, Stain was even in a previous chapter watching Deku destroy himself), but I think the payoff for that parallel also happened in this chapter. Tenya finally got to repay the debt he owed Deku for saving his life after he tried to fight Stain; he got to at least try to bring him back from the brink before Deku completely lost himself to his goals. I wish I had noticed it sooner, but it's over and done with (probably, who even knows at this point).

What I’m more interested in are the parallels to the Bakugo Rescue at Kamino. Not only did we get the ice ramp making a return, but we also got a parallel between Bakugo and Deku when they made the plan for the rescue. Both had a lot of personal investment in making sure the other one was rescued, but both were also aware that they weren’t the right person to make the saving throw, and put their own personal feelings aside, choosing one of the other person’s closest friends to make the save instead. I don’t want to get too bogged down in all the parallels here though, because that’s not the point of this post. What I am saying is that there’s a couple of elements missing here:

The initial kidnapping, and AFO

AFO was a huge part of the Kamino rescue arc. It was the first time we really got to see what he can do, the kids had to rescue Bakugo to get him away from AFO (and Shigaraki), and this arc also featured the wiping out of All Might’s power completely. I find it highly unlikely that we would get references to Kamino Ward without seeing AFO at least once. We also did not get a kidnapping prior to this arc taking place. I know Deku leaving UA narratively serves the same purpose as Bakugo getting kidnapped, but I choose to think there’s something else going on. Which dovetails into...the Reverse Kamino Theory

It is very obvious that Horikoshi loves Star Wars, and one of the most memed on quotes from Star Wars is a quote from George Lucas saying that the prequels will be “like poetry”

So if we have not seen AFO yet, and there hasn’t been a kidnapping, I think Horikoshi is priming us for a kidnapping at the end of this arc. We know AFO has been toying with Deku this whole time, and it would be a perfect opportunity to swoop in and grab him after he’s completely exhausted himself trying to escape all his friends. Also remember that AFO has a teleportation quirk that can be targeted specifically to who he wants to teleport. The ominous sound effect could be the teleporting black goop that the LoV coughed up the last time we were at Kamino.

And then we could get another parallel of Bakugo trying to race and catch Deku before he gets stolen away and I’ll have to cry forever again. I could also see Bakugo actually reaching Deku this time, but I don’t think we’ll get the conclusion of the hand holding arc so close to Bakugo denying himself the opportunity. Besides, boy need to learn to say the things he means when he actually has the chance (he was right there Bakugo!).

So yeah, lock me in for Reverse Kamino next chapter. AFO is gonna show up and kidnap the boy, and I guess Bakugo or Shoto will have to be our protagonist until they get him back. All aboard the angst train everyone!

Btw, if anyone would like meta comparing the back half of the Villain Hunt arc to either the Stain arc or the Bakugo Rescue please let me know!