#I know this is somewhat explored but in todays age especially it’s important to explore it MORE
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How to blow up a pipeline harlivy au… need more ecoterrorism and dismantling of the systems that cripple the environment in depictions of the girlies
#poison ivy#harlivy#exploring the ways in which quote unquote super heroes uphold the hegemony#if u save a corporation ur destroying land somewhere else batman#imaging new worlds with lesbian / bi vigilantes who r in love#I know this is somewhat explored but in todays age especially it’s important to explore it MORE#what is an ecoterrorist? is it not terror to destroy the planet?#Also think Pam needs to be taken away from eco fascist thought and into traditional ecological knowledge..#like she learns it’s not “all humans are terrible but instead denounces colonization… the plants love the indigenous peoples#because of the ways in which they know the land intimately
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The Veilguard Q&A thing: Which location are you most excited/hoping to explore in-game? Do you have your Rook(s) planned out to any degree? If so, would you share some details or ideas you have? Do you have any unpopular opinions about DAV so far?
answered the first one here
6. Do you have your Rook(s) planned out to any degree? If so, would you share some details or ideas you have?
only very broadly. definitely a grey warden, but i havent decided between elven mage and dwarven rogue. every time i think im leaning more towards one over the other i realise im actually not lmao. i think there'll be the most extra dialogue and story content for elves and i dont wanna miss out on anything (obviously it will be a complete story either way, but yknow), but dwarves are my favourite race. the only reason i dont play dwarves very often is because i love playing as a mage. i think my choice will probably come down to what the actual backgrounds of the characters are: if we can play a dwarf with like..a dwarfy background, rather than a surface dwarf from a mostly human population, then that might tip the scales. i dont think i could resist playing a dwarf from the ambassadoria or kal-sharok (not that the latter is gonna happen).
i think my rook will be nonbinary, but i havent decided between he/him or they/them. im interested in how well the game will handle neutral pronouns, but my characters are also always somewhat an extension of myself, especially on my first playthrough. i'll most likely stick with a default name and face, but i'll definitely play around with the body customisation. hopefully you can be real-life fat, not just popular-media fat (aka not fat). today's article also revealed that you can adjust 'glute and bulge size'. so. we'll see where that takes me. if im already making the rest of my body bigger, then.........
im going into the game expecting to romance davrin, but we know nothing about anyone's personalities yet so that's very easily subject to change. second choice is emmrich. i think my rook will be a bit more serious than i usually play my dragon age characters, especially since we're starting out already having had some real-world experience (im a grey warden, after all), but who knows, maybe once i start picking dialogue options i'll just feel the need to be sweet to everyone.
this is all very surface-level stuff, which is the only planning im gonna do. maybe i'll be more sure of my race option by the time the game releases, but everything else will just evolve based on how the game goes. i dont wanna get too attached to a character that wont end up fitting well into the story.
15. Do you have any unpopular opinions about DAV so far?
ok it took me a while to think of something because whenever i see a lot of people disagree with an opinion i have, i also see plenty of people who share my opinion... but i dont really want the inquisitor to have too big of a role. it makes sense for them to be there, and i especially understand people who romanced solas feeling like their inquisitor should have an important part in the story, but i think this is a bit of a limitation of having the plot directly follow from the events of dai. it wouldnt make sense for the inquisitor not to show up, but this isnt their game, it's rook's. id argue that it would make sense for them not to show up much because solas knows them already, but we've got harding as a companion, who solas is also very familiar with. that said, i expect the writers have probably learned from the reaction to hawke's cameo in dai and will do a better job of writing the inquisitor than they did with writing hawke lmao
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(Not) A Thing of Importance
Summary: Roman has never put much thought into his soulmates, and he's perfectly fine with that. He doesn't really plan to have any kind of relationship with them whatsoever, and he just wants to go adventuring and find people who he can enjoyably do that with. He does not expect those people to be his soulmates.
Unfortunately, Youngblood throws a wrench into that plan.
When Roman was a little kid, he had actually been upset about it.
And it’s not like there was something wrong with that. It was a perfectly normal thing to get upset about, especially at that age. His father had told Roman before he could even read the words on his wrist that soulmates were not the end-all-be-all. Roman had assumed that was because his soulmate wasn’t around anymore, or because his father was just forward thinking like that.
And that might still be true, but Roman suspects that in actuality, it had more to do with the two sentences on his wrist.
One says “What the fuck are you doing here?”, which, okay, Roman has always been particularly curious. He can think of countless times he got into somewhere he shouldn’t, especially when he was younger. He can totally see a reason for someone to ask him that upon meeting him for the first time.
The other sentence, however, says, “It’s you. I hate you.” Which, uh, ouch.
So, yeah. Roman had been pretty upset when he first learned how to read.
His father, however, had calmed him and comforted him and said that anyone who couldn’t see that Roman would be a joy to have in their life wasn’t worthy of him anyway.
And yes, it has taken Roman some time to come around to that idea. But in the end, he has a father who he knows loves him, he has Aunt Patty, and he has Reston; and once his father actually gives him permission to go exploring outside of Reston which will no doubt happen any day now, he’ll have tons of new experiences and new life to live that will give him plenty of opportunities to meet people. Friends, and soulmates, and everything in between. He’s not going to spend his entire life putting himself down because of two people. There are plenty more who do want him around, and Roman would rather focus on them.
So, soulmates. Who needs ‘em?
At least, that was Roman’s general attitude up until today.
Youngblood is certainly nothing like Roman expected. Granted, he’s not the “I hate you” one, so Roman had always had somewhat higher expectations. But Youngblood shows up acting suspicious of everything and everyone even after their first meeting— which could have gone better, to be fair.
Roman is so startled when Youngblood snaps his soulmark at him that all he can think to do is puppet the words back in response: “Uh, what the fuck are you doing here?”
And then Youngblood blinks, and Roman blinks, and both of them look at each other for a minute.
“That,” Youngblood says finally, “is such a stupid response to a soulmark.”
“Uh, excuse you, you’re the one who showed up at my town and asked me what I’m doing as if I don’t live here!” Roman exclaims.
“I don’t see a town,” Youngblood says, crossing his arms. “And you walked into my camp.”
Roman glances around and finally notices that it does seem like this is a campsite. “Oh,” he says, turning back around. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. I was just sent to investigate a weird noise at the edge of town.”
“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Youngblood says, holding up his hands. “I’m just uh, not great with people invading my space. But it’s fine! It’s uh…”
He trails off, and both of them look at each other for another moment.
“I’m Roman,” Roman says with a little wave. “Roman of Reston.”
“Youngblood,” Youngblood says. “Sorry, this is weird for me.”
“Well hey, I’m with you there,” Roman says with a shrug. “I didn’t expect either of my soulmates to be this nice, so.”
Youngblood looks at him in confusion. “You didn’t— wait, why not? You know what, it doesn’t even matter. You should go.”
Roman blinks. “Go?”
“Yeah, it’s not— look, I’m really sorry, I know you were probably expecting something different, but you shouldn’t be around me.”
“I mean, I wasn’t really expecting it to be that different, but why shouldn’t I be around you?” Roman asks.
But now Youngblood just looks confused again. “What were you expecting when you met us— I mean me?”
Roman shrugs and holds up his wrist. “For one of you to ask what the fuck I was doing there and the other to say that they hated me.”
Youngblood stares at him for a minute, then walks across the clearing and looks down at his wrist. Several emotions pass across his face, and he shakes his head. “That doesn’t make any sense,” he says. “Noise was— I mean they—”
“Oh, you’ve met them?” Roman asks, slightly surprised. “I figured we’d all meet at once, and then I’d head off and keep doing what I was doing.”
Youngblood looks up at him. “That doesn’t make any sense,” he says. “He wanted to meet you even more than I did, why would he—”
“Oh, really?” Roman asks, more than a little surprised. “Huh, that’s weird. Well, whatever, hardly matters.”
Youngblood turns to stare at him again. “Hardly matters? What, like you don’t care?”
“Am I supposed to?” Roman asks. “I don’t really want to wait around for people who yell at me or say they hate me the first time they see me. I mean not— not that I’m blaming you or anything,” Roman says, holding his hands up. “It seems like I took yours out of context, and getting to know you sounds fun. But apparently you don’t want to be around me, so.” He shrugs again. “No biggie. Town duty fulfilled. Did you want me to head out, or if you want to come get some bread first we’ve got a plethora—”
“Wait, wait.” Youngblood holds up his head. “Do you really not care?”
Roman hesitates. “If I spent too much time caring, it would not have gone well for me,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “Again, I’m not going to hold that against you, you seem cool, and I’m totally down to get to know you, but if you don’t want to do that, that’s fine too. It’s all the same to me.”
Youngblood stares at him for another minute. “I just, don’t know how safe it would be,” he says slowly.
“Well, if that’s what you’re worried about, I can promise you that you’ll be perfectly safe in Reston!” Roman says, gesturing behind him. “I’m protecting the town today, and there’s some investigating I need to do, but my dad and Aunt Patty are coming back later, and they’ve got more experience than me too.”
Youngblood looks at him for a moment longer, seeming like he’s doing way more processing in the moment than Roman is.
“…Okay,” he says finally.
“Okay!” Roman says happily, turning around and walking back towards Reston, chatting happily to his soulmate who has apparently turned out to not be as bad as he thought he’d be.
…
After a thoroughly exciting day, Roman decided that Youngblood wouldn’t be bad to travel with at all.
His father, as he suspected, did not like Youngblood at first, but after talking with him he seemed to agree, however begrudgingly, that he at least deserved a chance, meaning Roman set out with Youngblood the next day, ready to face whatever the world had to offer outside of Reston.
Youngblood hasn’t really brought up the fact that they’re soulmates again, but Roman expects him to do it sooner or later, and after their bonding session in the Communicave, he’s not too surprised when it happens.
“So,” he says, as they’re walking through the woods. “Can I ask… you really haven’t cared about your soulmates your whole life?”
Roman gives him a sympathetic smile. “It’s nothing personal, really,” he says. “I just assumed neither of you would want me, and I decided I’d rather not base my self worth around that, so I didn’t.”
“You just… decided that?” Youngblood asks in bafflement.
“Well, with some help from my dad,” Roman says, moving aside a branch as they walk. “I had a lot of people who loved me and wanted me around, so I decided why should I base my identity off of two people the universe just randomly decided would be important to me?”
“So you… didn’t take it personally,” Youngblood says, sounding nervous about it for some reason.
“Nope,” Roman says happily. “I can’t help it if people don’t like me. And I’d rather be me, you know? I think I’m pretty great!”
“Uh-huh,” Youngblood says, sounding relieved.
“Why do you ask?” Roman asks curiously, glancing over at him.
Youngblood hesitates.
Roman narrows his eyes slightly in concern. “You good?”
“Fine, don’t worry about it,” Youngblood says, walking forward and putting an end to the conversation.
So Roman shrugs it off, like he does most things involving soulmates, and follows Youngblood towards the bright glow in the distance, which he’s becoming more curious about by the second.
It turns out to be a city called Fantabulous Neon, and the two of them spend the day wandering around, buying some potions, being force-fed some croissants, and going to casinos.
The last place has to be Roman’s favorite, considering that they win a lot of money there. Clearly they should go to casinos more often, this seems like a great way to make money and not something that’s falsely addicting at all!
Roman is just about to turn and suggest this to Youngblood as a way of making money during their travels, when the room goes quiet and everyone starts looking towards the entrance.
Youngblood spins around with his general air of suspicion, and he seems to recognize something he’s looking at a brief second before Roman does.
“Hey Roman?” he says quietly to him. “I think I should probably tell you something—”
“Well well well,” a voice cuts him off. “Dare my eyes deceive me? Or is that truly the sorry mug of my oh-so-dear soulmate Youngblood?”
The soulmate part catches Roman’s attention, and he’s pretty sure he knows what Youngblood wanted to tell him.
Roman turns to take in who he’s pretty sure must be his other soulmate. They’re a tiefling. They’ve definitely got more flair than Youngblood does, that’s for sure, though Youngblood has a tendency to want to blend in, which might contribute to part of it. They’ve got an eyepatch that definitely makes them look cool, and a very cool looking sword.
“So I’m guessing that’s…” Roman says as an aside to Youngblood.
“Yeah,” Youngblood says. “Just… yeah.”
Before Roman can ask any followups, the tiefling comes over to stop in front of them both, glaring right at Youngblood. He’s trying to hide it behind a smirk, but Roman suspects it’s a little less real than he’d like it to be. Especially considering the way Youngblood talks about him, the few times he has.
“What a sight it is to see you here after all this time,” they say anyway. “You think you can disappear for a year, and just waltz back in here like nothing happened? I mean truly Youngblood, leaving without a word. You really were heartless.” They sneer at Youngblood while putting one hand over their heart and another on their forehead.
And well, if Roman already knows how this is gonna go for him, the least he can do is defend their other soulmate and his friend from a completely unwarranted attack.
“Sorry, there might be some sort of misunderstanding here,” Roman says, drawing the tiefling’s attention and almost-immediate glare. “Because the Youngblood that I’ve been traveling with has been far from heartless, okay?”
A myriad of emotions crosses the tieflings face in less than a second, and Roman can tell they’ve recognized their own soulmark. They turn from Roman, to Youngblood, and then back, before narrowing their eyes in quite a bit of rage to have towards someone they just met.
“It’s you,” the tiefling hisses, clenching his hands into fists. “I hate you.”
They seem to realize what they said a second later, because their eyes widen, and Roman sees something close to regret flash across their face.
He, however, just raises his hands up in an attempt at a disarming gesture. “Cool,” he says. “Got that written down. But look, I don’t know what may be the beef between the two of you,” he gestures between the tiefling and Youngblood again. “But if we could just talk about this, maybe come to some sort of common resolution?”
The tiefling stares at him for a second, not seeming to comprehend what he’s said. “What— but you—” He looks at Roman for a couple more seconds, then seems to shake himself.
“There’s nothing to work out,” they say. “Too much has changed.” They draw themselves upright and glare down at Youngblood again. “You see, I was promoted to my rightful place as first chair the moment you left. No longer tailing behind you. And unlike you, I took my orders from our glorious Bard King seriously. So I’m here, helping this noisy town solve some petty crimes. Honestly it’s easy work. I don’t know why you ever made a fuss.”
Youngblood shoots a glance over at Roman too, who at this point is honestly kind of wishing he really could just dip out of this like he’s been planning all these years. He’s not going to just leave Youngblood like that, though.
Youngblood glares back at Noise a second later. “It’s not what I wanted to do,” he says. “And I’m glad you feel good about the fact that you only got appointed to that position because I left.”
“Woah,” Roman says, looking between them. “Wait, what is all this fighting over a chair? That’s ridiculous.”
“Roman,” Youngblood sighs, pressing a hand to his forehead.
“Did you need backup so bad you went and got your own color guard?” the tiefling asks, crossing their arms with an amused smirk.
“Noise,” Youngblood snaps, like he’s getting fed up. “He’s standing right here, and you know exactly what you’re doing.”
“It really is okay,” Roman says, holding out a reassuring hand. “I don’t have a lot invested in this relationship.”
“It doesn’t matter what you’ve invested,” Youngblood snaps, still talking to Roman while not looking away from Noise, who’s glaring right back at him. “You would never say something like that after you realized what was going on. He’s just being a little bitch. Besides,” Youngblood leans closer into Noise’s face as he stops talking with Roman. “Roman’s been less heartless than you lately.”
Noise reels back like Youngblood slapped them, and Youngblood in the next second looks like he almost regrets it, and Roman is just very ready for the two of them to stop saying things with the clear intent of hurting the other.
After a second, Noise stands up and puts on a very obvious mask, which Roman finds himself not fond of, since now literally all three of them know he’s hiding very obvious hurt.
“Where are my manners?” they say, back into pretending to be a confident and smug presence, despite how pointless they all know it is. “Though you may have already heard of me and you of course know my relevance to the both of you, my name is Noise. Ranking first chair of the Bard King’s righteous marching band.”
Noise puts a hand on his hip and leans forward with a snicker, his tail flicking in excitement. “Something’s off here. You’ve changed,” he says to Youngblood. The next second, he leans forward and grabs Youngblood by the collar, pulling him down.
“You’re getting weak,” they laugh.
“Uh no, no one is weak,” Youngblood says, glaring down and shoving Noise off.
“Yeah, this is like the strongest dude I’ve ever met,” Roman says.
“Thank you,” Youngblood says.
“I mean, besides my daddy,” Roman adds. Because obviously.
“I appreciate it?” Youngblood says, though he sounds less sure this time.
“You know,” Noise says without acknowledging either of them. “Ever since you left, I’ve heard nothing but ‘you didn’t earn that chair.’”
His mask slips again for a second, and he glances at Roman again for some reason, but shakes it off and turns to glare back at Youngblood. “I challenge you to a battle of the bards,” he says. “Right here, right now. Let’s finally put to rest which of us is more deserving of first chair.”
“You know what, sure,” Youngblood says, waving his hand dismissively. “Why not. I don’t even want the chair. Fuck the chair. But you know what, I will do it to prove a point.”
Roman sighs audibly, looking up at the ceiling. This is clearly a terrible idea that is not going to help anything, why are they doing it?
He’s still not going to make Youngblood do this alone, however, so when Noise pulls out their sword, Roman does the same and gets ready to fight his second soulmate, which is about the opposite of how involved he wanted to get when they met, but he supposes it’s too late to back out now.
So, time to fight a battle with the two people he’d written out of his life ages ago.
…
The fight goes just about as disastrously as Roman expects, though the end is something of a surprise. Maybe Noise feels bad about some of this after all, because instead of throwing Roman and Youngblood in a cell, he ends up inviting them to dinner.
Roman spends most of the time cheerfully admiring the decor, while Youngblood sits next to him and Noise across from them, both of them seeming far more uncomfortable.
“So, this is great!” Roman says, turning to Noise. “If I can ask however, why exactly are we getting such fancy treatment? I mean we just fought you, and even though we’re helping you and all… I don’t know, I didn’t really think you liked either of us very much.”
Noise winces and glares away. “Well I— again, I wasn’t expecting you to actually fight me. It’s a battle of the bards. But Youngblood’s just a lit fuse, so.”
“No, not a lit fuse, just… cautious,” Youngblood says, looking away himself.
Roman huffs and looks between the two of them, getting a little tired of this.
Snoot shows up before he can say anything with bread and champagne, however, which both taste lovely. And which Youngblood and Noise seem to have less of a tolerance for, surprisingly. At least it seems to get them to open up a little, which they both clearly need.
“Gotta say,” Noise says, giving Roman a smirk. “Even though you totally cut me open, you were pretty funny throughout that whole fight.”
“Thank you!” Roman says brightly.
“And by funny I mean super ridiculous,” Noise finishes, leaning forward on their hand.
Roman laughs. “Well, yeah, I get that a lot,” he says, which seems to throw Noise for a loop. Youngblood looks about to snap at him again, so Roman keeps talking. “I mean this is like, day 2 of having a real sword.”
“Hold on,” Noise says, looking startled. “Did I get my ass nearly handed to me by someone who’s never wielded a sword?”
“Practice sword,” Roman corrects, at the same time Youngblood laughs at Noise next to him.
“But I mean hey, that was pretty wild,” Roman says to Noise, before they can dwell on that. He’s really going to need to talk to Youngblood about his mocking tendencies while Roman’s trying to get him to have a heart-to-heart. “Why did you want to fight so badly? I mean even a bard battle? What’s the beef?”
Youngblood sighs next to him, and Roman turns to face him. “As you know,” he says. “I was attending a Bard College. As you learned today, I was first chair. Noise and I were friends. Very close friends, obviously, since we’re soulmates too.”
“I mean, that’s not necessarily obvious, but sure,” Roman says with a shrug.
Noise gives Roman a weird look, but Youngblood just waves his hand with a nod.
“Sure, whatever,” he says. “Anyway, as my responsibilities started growing at the college, and I started to get better with my singing, I learned that the better I sang, the more powerful I kind of became.”
“Dangerous,” Noise mutters, glaring down at his drink.
“Dangerous?” Roman asks in surprise, turning back to Youngblood.
“To an extent,” Youngblood admits, not looking comfortable with doing so. “As you know, sometimes when I sing, fire kind of follows the sound. Yeah?”
Roman considers that for a minute and sits up in realization. “Wait a minute, were you the one who set that tree on fire when we first met?”
“Perhaps,” Youngblood says hesitantly.
“That was you?!”
“Yes! Dammit, yes,” Youngblood says.
“Woah!”
“But anyway,” Youngblood says, clearly wanting to move on. “The more and more I got better at controlling it, the more and more I started to realize that the college only wanted to make me into this, like, singing weapon, if you will. I didn’t want to be that. So I just… left.”
“Without a word,” Noise says, chiming in for the first time.
Youngblood doesn’t say anything, but Roman can still see the regret on his face.
“To be honest, I think you were just afraid of your own power,” Noise says.
“No, Noise, I don’t think you know as much as you should,” Youngblood says. But before he can elaborate on any of that, Snoot comes back, not seeming at all bothered at interrupting the conversation.
He gives them all some bread, and Roman shares some with Youngblood while trying to give him a break between what’s obviously been a very difficult conversation.
Youngblood is apparently going to surprise Roman however, because he gets Noise’s attention again.
Noise looks over with a baguette in his mouth, which Roman totally understands, it’s hard for him to resist bread too.
“I’ll take this opportunity to apologize,” Youngblood says anyway, and Noise spits the baguette out of their mouth in shock.
“What?” he asks.
“I did kind of hurt you, and never apologized for that either,” Youngblood says. “So… I’m sorry.”
He’s clearly uncomfortable the second he says it, but Roman puts a hand to his chest.
“Aww, that was really good Youngblood,” he says, wiping his eyes.
“Oh fuck don’t cry,” Youngblood mutters, and Roman sits up, wiping his eyes better.
Noise, however, starts to well up on the other side of the table too, so clearly Youngblood just has no idea how good his apologies are.
“Don’t you cry too!” Youngblood exclaims.
“I’m not crying,” Noise snaps through obvious tears. “I just— um… enjoy the rest of your, dinner,” they say, clearly struggling to get up and push the chair back to the table. “I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow,” they say before they disappear.
“Bye Noise!” Roman calls after him.
He turns back to Youngblood once they’re alone. “You know, they don’t seem so bad,” he says, taking another bite of croissant and talking through the mouthful. “‘specially considerin’ how we met an’ all.”
Youngblood sighs, but doesn’t say anything, and a second later Snoot walks in with the main course.
“Where did Noise go?” they ask as they approach the table.
“He had to excuse himself,” Youngblood says.
“Oh thank god that guy’s a dick,” Snoot says with a sigh of relief, before displaying roast cockatrice for them to eat. He walks off before Roman can decide if he wants to defend Noise or not, so instead he turns back to the food, which is incredible.
Part way through however, Roman realizes that no matter what his slowly-growing-more-conflicted feelings on Noise are, he should still probably say something to the soulmate he’s decided he likes.
“Hey,” he says, turning to Youngblood. “Can I just say, this is really freaking cool. I mean being on this adventure, going to these really cool big cities, and doing it with you, which I didn’t think would ever happen! This is awesome!”
“Yeah,” Youngblood mutters, clearly still torn.
“And you know,” Roman says, nudging him in the side. “I think maybe you can and should keep talking to Noise while we’re here.”
“Well, the reason I apologized,” Youngblood says hesitantly. “Look, we…” he sighs. “I left without saying goodbye, but I also apologized for hurting them. Noise tried to get me to like, embrace my power, and I ended up singing something that… hurt them. And I just kind of left. Before we could talk about it.”
“Hey,” Roman says, putting a hand on his shoulder. “But you did really good today. You know, apologizing, healing old wounds? I mean that’s something, you know?”
Youngblood looks over at him, clearly still thinking about something. Finally, he looks away again.
“I’m just… sorry you had to get dragged in the middle of it,” he says. “None of it was your fault, Roman, and it ended up…”
“Youngblood,” Roman says with a fond shake of his head. “How many times do I have to tell you I’m okay? I’m not bothered by it.”
“Well— I kind of am,” Youngblood admits, leaning back in the booth. “I mean, Noise was clearly trying to hurt you on purpose, and that’s cause he’s mad at me. Look, the two of us, we never really knew what to think about you. Noise, like, for most of his life he was really bothered by the idea that he’d ever call me heartless for some reason. You know, cause that’s what was on his wrist as what you said to him. So, when he said that…”
“They were trying to hurt you on purpose,” Roman says with an understanding nod.
“Yeah,” Youngblood says. “And I think when you responded with his soulmark, he… I don’t know. But he shouldn’t have tried to hurt you on purpose. You didn’t have anything to do with any of this.”
Roman smiles, and gives a shrug. “I think you know by now that it’s pretty hard to get under my skin, Youngblood,” he says. “I’m okay. Really.”
Youngblood looks at him for a moment, and then nods. “Okay,” he says. “Good. I’m glad.” He smiles, just a little. “You have really weird opinions on soulmates, Roman.”
Roman beams. “Thank you!”
…
The following day is a little too all over the place for Roman to wrap his head around completely. They meet up with Flow, who both he and Youngblood like very much, as well as her dog, who they both like decidedly less, especially after slowing them down by jumping into the fountain and making them chase after her. Noise is there for most of it too, but they seem perfectly content to stand on the sides and let Roman and Youngblood do all of the work. Though Roman supposes that makes some level of sense, if they’re supposed to be prisoners after all.
Noise is also giving him the same hesitant look for most of the morning, however, so Roman is pretty sure there’s other reasons for him not getting involved. Youngblood does still manage to get his boots wet however, which he seems very displeased with. It also results in a different unfortunate circumstance however, because the wet footprints left by his boots are more than a little confusing with the footprints they’re all trying to follow.
They consider this for a second after realizing it, and then Roman claps his hands in a moment of inspiration.
“I’ve got it,” he says. “Noise, you are going to ride piggyback for the day on my back.”
Noise stares at him. “What?”
Roman shrugs. “Or you could take off your boots.”
“I— I’m not taking off these boots,” Noise snaps, though they still look hesitant.
“Alrighty then, hop on,” Roman says, crouching down in front of Noise. There is a long moment of pause for some reason, but Noise does eventually climb on, and Roman stands back up.
“Excellent,” he says happily. “Those footprints should be much easier to follow now.”
“But— you just—” Noise says, sounding baffled.
“What?” Roman asks, looking up at him.
Noise stares down at him for a minute. “Nothing, I guess?”
“Cool! Let’s go then!”
Noise doesn’t reply at all, but for some reason the air around all of them seems much more tense. Roman isn’t a huge fan of it, so he’s glad when the footprints lead them to the Massive Gigantic Money Casino and they can all move on with the investigation.
Noise chuckles on his back. “Right, this is where I nearly electrocuted you to death,” they say with a smug smile at Youngblood.
Youngblood sighs irritably. “Or we could not talk about it,” he says, starting for the door.
“Actually,” Noise says, sounding much quieter, causing Roman to glance up at him. “I would like to apologize for that.”
Youngblood seems surprised, but it doesn’t show long on his face. “Oh, uh, thanks,” he mutters. A second later he seems to force a glare onto his face. “But I’m not the only one you have to apologize to, you know.”
“Oh for pete’s sake Youngblood,” Roman says with a sigh. “It’s taking you longer to let this go than me.”
For some reason, however, Noise seems surprised at that. “Wait, what do you mean you let it go?” they ask, leaning around to look down at Roman.
Roman glances up at him and shrugs. “I mean, clearly you were working through some stuff. I’m not gonna take it super personally.”
Noise stares at him. “What? What do you mean you’re not going to take it personally?”
Roman blinks. “I… don’t know how to explain it other than that,” he says. “Oh, uh, hang on let me try, uh, I understand that you were dealing with a lot of emotions all at once, and sometimes when that happens people say things without thinking them through, so—”
“No, no, stop,” Noise says, waving their hands. “You— what the heck are you talking about? You can’t just do that.”
“Do what?” Roman asks, confused.
“You— well that— that was the first thing I said to you so wouldn’t you have—”
“Oh! Yeah,” Roman says, pulling his wrist down and showing it to Noise. “It’s right here.”
Noise stares at Roman’s wrist, seeming uncomfortable for some reason, and then looks back down at Roman. “You— you’re acting like you’re just okay with it.”
Roman shrugs, which shakes Noise back and forth a little bit. “Whoops, sorry, forgot you were on my back. I mean, was I upset when I first learned what it meant, yeah, of course, but I can’t just live my entire life being sad because of two people. I’ve got other stuff going on, and other people who do like me! It’s all good!”
With that, he starts them into the Massive Gigantic Money Casino, glad to have finally explained all of this so they can move on now.
…
Noise apparently did not move on very quickly, and Roman is starting to wonder if this is going to become a thing.
Granted, emotions are already high. Noise got pulled back into that carriage, and he and Youngblood both had to run after him and got pulled in themselves, and now they’re all going to have to perform for their lives. But honestly that kind of proves Roman’s point, that being their current situation should take precedence, and they shouldn’t be focusing on problems that have already been solved.
But when Noise pulls him forward to practice dancing, Roman can tell they’re still tense, and they’re trying their best not to look at Roman as the two of them move around. That’s probably what results in Roman losing his footing and tripping over his own feet, barely managing to catch Noise before they hit the ground.
Noise, seemingly on instinct, shoots out a shower of stars with his baton, and Roman glances up at them with an amazed grin.
“Did that look cool?” he asks after a second, grinning back down at Noise.
“I… I think we might survive this,” Noise says, and Roman feels a little bit of the tension in their frame loosen as he helps them back up.
“Heck yeah!” Roman calls happily, turning to grin back at Youngblood too, who rolls his eyes with a fond smile.
As he’s about to head over to Youngblood, however, Roman feels Noise grab his arm.
“Roman,” he says.
“Yeah?” Roman says, turning to face them again.
“I… I want to apologize,” Noise says, dropping Roman’s arm and looking down at the floor. “For what I said to you when we met. I wasn’t thinking, but that’s not an excuse, it’s… it’s completely unfair to you, to have that on your arm for your whole life. I’m sorry.”
Roman smiles a little and shakes his head. “It really is okay,” he says. “Sure, it wasn’t fun to deal with growing up, but it’s part of what made me who I am, and I happen to like who I am. I truly never did hold anything against you, either of you,” he adds with a glance at Youngblood.
“But, your soulmates are supposed to be important to you, aren’t they?” Noise asks, glancing up at Roman. “I— I don’t know what I would have done without Youngblood.” He looks away as he says it, as if he’s still ashamed to admit it.
“They can be important,” Roman agrees with a shrug. “And I’m really glad that you both had each other when you needed each other. But they also don’t have to be important. They haven’t been important to me, at least, not until I met Youngblood. But I mean, you both seem like pretty cool people. Getting to know you sounds fun! And holding your first words to me against you sounds like a silly thing to do,” he directs that part at Noise. “I don’t do that with other people I meet, why should either of you be any different?”
Noise looks hesitantly up at him. “Are you sure?” they ask hesitantly.
Roman smiles at Noise and puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I’m sure.”
Slowly, Noise gives him a small smile, and nods. “Okay.”
“Okay!” Roman says happily. “So now that we’ve got that wrapped up, let’s go and potentially die! I think it’ll be fun!”
Noise laughs a little, part nerves and part amusement, as Roman walks over to grab Youngblood’s hand and lead them all to the stage they saw earlier.
…
Roman, for one, is not a fan of running through entire cities. He’s not out of shape, but he’s not that in shape, and he’s pretty sure it shows in the way he stands gasping at the top of the steps out of Fantabulous Neon.
Youngblood is doing slightly better next to him, though Noise is the only one who really seems to have recovered, meaning Roman is going to have to ask them what their workout regimen is, but for now there’s more important things to worry about, like getting out of here.
But as Roman manages to stand, he realizes Noise has stopped at the base of the steps and is looking back towards Fantabulous Neon.
“Noise?” he calls. “Come on, we gotta go, bud.”
Noise turns to face them, and Roman decides he does not like the grim look on his face. “You two need to get out of here,” he says. “I’m still under orders. But you have to get far away from the city, and far away from the Bard King’s sight.”
“What? No,” Roman says, stepping forward. “Noise, you don’t owe them anything.”
“Yeah, I went rogue, and it took you a year to find me,” Youngblood says. “You’ll be fine, come on.”
Before Noise can reply, lights appear in the distance, and the three of them turn to see a cab approaching. It pulls up alongside them, and the window rolls down to reveal a frog.
“You fellas look like you can use a ride,” he says.
Before Roman can say anything, Noise moves towards them and pushes them both forward. “These gentlemen could use a lift,” they say.
“Noise,” Youngblood snaps, turning around. “No, you’re coming with us, come on.”
“You should know better than anyone, Youngblood, that’s not possible for me,” Noise says with a sad smile. “Youngblood, Roman, the next time we meet, I may not be able to let you walk free. Just know, the choice I make right now is my own.”
“Noise,” Roman says, but Noise cuts him off by holding up a hand.
“Please, Roman,” he says quietly. “I already haven’t done right by either of you. At least let me protect you as best I can.”
“Noise, I already told you—” Roman starts, but he’s interrupted by the sound of a tree falling from inside Neon.
“Woah, this place is getting wild fast,” the driver calls. “Come on fellas, in or out.”
Before Roman can say anything, Youngblood takes a step forward, leans in and kisses Noise softly on the mouth. “You better come back,” he murmurs when he pulls away. “I don’t want to do this shit with only one other soulmate forever.”
Noise stares at him for a minute, then just nods.
They turn to Roman for a second, seeming lost for what to say.
“I don’t like this,” Roman says.
Noise just smiles weakly at him.
Finally, after a second, Roman takes a step forward and pulls Noise into a hug. “I want a chance to actually get to know you,” he says. “Promise me.”
“Deal,” Noise murmurs.
Though he doesn’t want to, Roman pulls back, and he and Youngblood climb into the cab. Noise stays behind and watches them go.
“Youngblood?” Roman says as they pull away.
“Yeah?”
“I was definitely right to not want soulmates,” Roman says. “This was easier when I didn’t care about either of you.”
Youngblood sighs and buries his head in his hands. “Tell me about it,” he mumbles.
And with that, they drive away into the night.
#roleslaying with roman#rswr roman#rswr youngblood#rswr noise#blood red song#galaxy polycule#roman x youngblood x noise#soulmate au#but not played straight because it's never played straight with me#aromantic rswr roman#or he's not officially but#how do i explain this#roman is aro as a political affiliation#yeah that's perfectly clear#my fic
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Just in general (because I don't know your mom), here are all my personal top anime recommendations:
Princess Tutu (2002) is a meta exploration of fairy tales and storytellers through the lens of a magical girl whose true form isn't the ballet student she poses as by day--she's just a duck. The seemingly simple story gets incredibly deep and dark as a deconstruction of the themes often found in fairy tales, but never to the point of despair or dissatisfaction. The animation style hearkens back to Osamu Tezuka's shoujo work, the soundtrack is nearly all classical ballet pieces, it's genuinely a work of art, if you've never heard of it, give it a try today, it WILL surprise you.
As prev mentioned, Mushi-shi (2005, 2014) is an atmospheric, episodic, dreamy show that dips into many genres such as romance, horror, and slice-of-life under the lens of speculative biology. It makes up little creatures that cause every day experiences and legends and draws you into how these creatures fit into that world. Highly recommended and brutally underrated. I believe only the first season was ever dubbed into English, sadly, because season 2 is even more amazing.
Summer Wars (2009) is one of my favorite films, period: a boy gets asked by a classmate to attend a celebration for her enormous extended family and is tricked into playing her boyfriend during the trip...and then his account on a Google/Disney/Amazon monopolistic website's security is compromised, and dangerous hacks begin to upturn not just the internet, but the lives of the real people whose information is stored in those accounts! Now he's doing damage control while balancing the precariousness of complicated relations with a family that has so readily accepted him into its vast herd. It will make you laugh, it will make you cry, it will warm your heart.
Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (2009) is another classic. The pacing suffers due to adaptive conflicts with the original series, but once you get used to the breakneck pace at the very beginning, it's a riveting, violent fantasy series about sin, consequence, and love for humanity. The disabled main character's flaws drive and revolve around a gripping plot chock with twists and conspiracies. It infamously does NOT pull its gut punches, but balances them out well with comedy, charm, and beautiful, bright animation.
Steins;Gate (2011) is, in my opinion, the sci-fi series about time-travel. Populated by a cast of unforgettable losers, the series flaunts summery, dream-like visuals and a haunting soundtrack. The lead accidentally invents a time machine and hilarious hijinks ensue...and then he is hounded by the not-so-hilarious consequences. What was once a sitcom becomes a deadly game of timeloop what-ifs as he struggles to undo the damage of his own meddling. Trigger warnings for domestic violence, murder, and suicide. (True for all of my recs, but especially this one: watch it dubbed, the acting, writing and localization is fantastic.) (Also, additional, important separate trigger warning for transphobia in the portrayal of a transgender lead character. It was certainly making an attempt to be progressive in its time, but falls prey to old ideas of gender essentialism. It can be read somewhat favorably but this is generous, bring your own salt.)
If slice of life is more what interests you in anime, Silver Spoon (2013) is a coming-of-age story about a boy who decides to go to an agricultural high school to relieve parental pressures, and slowly falls in love with the world of sustainable farming. By the same author as Fullmetal Alchemist, Silver Spoon knows just as well how to balance dramatic moments with uplifting comedy.
Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! (2020) is one of the best anime of the past few years in my opinion, really explores the medium of anime itself and has actual "cute girls doing cute things" taken seriously as human beings (and more importantly, Weird Artists) without the shitty fanservice. The animation is INCREDIBLE, pouring time into the sequences that will really ignite your interest in how these shows are made. (If you enjoy Eizouken, I can also recommend Shirobako (2014), which is about how anime is produced company wide. It's nowhere near as much of a labor of love but still has many excellent messages about creating art and balancing work. It goes into project managing, animation itself, 3D work, voice work, and many other small but vital aspects and makes them a natural part of the conflicts. There are also very specially produced animation sequences in Shirobako that are a treat to experience and make the fake show the characters are creating come alive.)
Everyone is going to mention Delicious in Dungeon (2024) because it's currently airing and pertinent, but let me recommend it because it's a breath of fresh fucking air in the somewhat stale "anime fantasy" genre. It's a dramedy that takes its world and characters seriously but puts them in fun, absurd situations that challenge their characteristics. If you liked Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves, it's a must-watch. If you like fantasy ecosystems, it's a must-watch. If you like characters who are just extremely passionate about niche interests, it's a must-watch.
I keep anime at an arm's length most of the time because I've been supremely let down by the industry's...common pitfalls, which is one reason most of these recommendations are safe for work/PG at worst (sans Steins;Gate and Brotherhood). But these are highly curated and I second all the recommendations in OP's post as well (Satoshi Kon's work especially, his movies were very adult and played into many different genres and all are worth experiencing) except for Frieren and Tatami Galaxy just because I've never seen those.
Enjoy!
my mom asked me for anime recommendations as someone who has never really thought about the medium and im trying to conjure up some examples that wouldnt be fucking embarrassing.
here's what i got so far:
Spirited Away
My Neighbor Totoro
Kiki's Delivery Service
A Silent Voice
Tokyo Godfathers
Perfect Blue
Paprika
Ghost in the Shell
Cowboy Bebop
Frieren: Beyond Journey's End
Tatami Galaxy
any others?
#fluwrites#anime#i need to rewatch princess jellyfish because i can't recommend it without revisiting its themes of gender first
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Recommended reading for leftists
Introduction and disclaimer:
I believe, in leftist praxis (especially online), the sharing of resources, including information, must be foremost. I have often been asked for reading recommendations by comrades; and while I am by no means an expert in leftist theory, I am a lifelong Marxist, and painfully overeducated. This list is far from comprehensive, and each author is worth exploring beyond the individual texts I suggest here. Further, none of these need to be read in full to derive benefit; read what selections from each interest you, and the more you read the better. Many of these texts cannot truly be called leftist either, but I believe all can equip us to confront capitalist hegemony and our place within it. And if one comrade derives the smallest value or insight herefrom, we will all be better for it. After all... La raison tonne en son cratère. Alone we are naught, together may we be all. Solidarity forever.
***
(I have split these into categories for ease of navigation, but there is plenty of overlap. Links included where available.)
Classics of socialist theory
~
Capital (vol.1) by Karl Marx Marx’s critique of political economy forms the single most significant and vital source for understanding capitalism, both in our present and throughout history. Do not let its breadth daunt you; in general I feel it’s better to read a little theory than none, but nowhere is this truer than with regards to Capital. Better to read 20 pages of Capital than 150 pages of most other leftist literature. This is not a book you need to ‘finish’ in order to benefit from, but rather (like all of Marx’s work) the backbone of theory which you will return to throughout your life. Read a chapter, leave it, read on, read again. https://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/works/download/pdf/Capital-Volume-I.pdf
The Prison Notebooks by Antonio Gramsci In our current epoch of global neoliberal capitalism, Gramsci’s explanation of hegemony is more valuable than much of the economic or outright revolutionary analyses of many otherwise vital theory. Particularly following the coup attempt and election in America, as well as Brexit and abusive government responses to Covid, but the state violence around the world and the advent of fascism reasserts Gramsci as being as pertinent and prophetic now as amidst the first rise of fascism. https://abahlali.org/files/gramsci.pdf
Imperialism: The Highest Stage Of Capitalism by V.I. Lenin Like Marx, for many Lenin’s work is the backbone of socialist theory, particularly in pragmatic terms. In much of his writing Lenin focuses on the practical processes of revolutionary transition from capitalism to communism via socialism and proletarian leadership (sometimes divisively among leftists). Imperialism is perhaps most valuable today for addressing the need for internationalist proletarian support and solidarity in the face of global capitalist hegemony, arguably stronger today than in Lenin’s lifetime. https://www.marxists.org/archive/lenin/works/1916/imp-hsc/imperialism.pdf
Socialism: Utopian And Scientific by Friedrich Engels Marx’s partner offers a substantial insight into the material reality of socialism in the post-industrial age, offering further practical guidance and theory to Marx and Engels’ already robust body of work. This highlights the empirical rigour of classical Marxist theory, intended as a popular text accessible to proletarian readers, in order to condense and to some extent explain the density of Capital. Perhaps even more valuable now than at the time it was first published. https://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/works/1880/soc-utop/index.htm
In Defense Of Marxism by Leon Trotsky It has been over a decade since I have read any Trotsky, but this seems like a very good source to get to grips with both classical Marxist thought and to confront contemporary detractors. In many ways, Trotsky can be seen as an uncorrupt symbol of the Leninist dream, and in others his exile might illustrate the dangers of Leninism (Stalinism) when corrupt, so who better to defend the virtues of the system many see as his demise? https://www.marxists.org/archive/trotsky/idom/dm/dom.pdf
The Conquest Of Bread by Pyotr Kropotkin Krapotkin forms the classical backbone of anarchist theory, and emerges from similar material conditions as Marxism. In many ways, ‘the Bread book’ forms a dual attack (on capitalism and authoritarianism of the state) and defence (of the basic rights and needs of every human), the text can be seen as foundational to defining anarchism both in overlap and starkly in contrast with Marxist communism. This is a seminal and eminent text on self-determination, and like Marx, will benefit the reader regardless of orthodox alignment. https://libcom.org/files/Peter%20Kropotkin%20-%20The%20Conquest%20of%20Bread_0.pdf
Leftism of the 20th Century and beyond
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Freedom Is A Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, And The Foundations Of A Movement by Angela Davis This is something of a placeholder for Davis, as everything she has ever put to paper is profoundly valuable to international(ist) struggles against capitalism and it’s highest stage. Indeed, the emphasis on the relationship between American and Israeli racialised state violence highlights the struggles Davis has continually engaged since the late 1960s, that of a united front against imperialist oppression, white supremacists, patriarchal capitalist exploitation, and the carceral state. https://www.docdroid.net/rfDRFWv/freedom-is-a-constant-struggle-pdf#page=6
Postmodernism, Or, The Cultural Logic Of Late Capitalism by Frederic Jameson A frequent criticism of Marxism is the false claim that it is decreasingly relevant. Here, Jameson presents a compelling update of Marxist theory which addresses the hegemonic nature of mass media in the postmodern epoch (how befitting a tumblr post listing leftist literature). Despite being published in the early ‘90s, this analysis of late capitalism becomes all the more pertinent in the age of social media and ‘influencers’ etc., and illustrates just how immortal a science ours really is. https://is.muni.cz/el/1423/jaro2016/SOC757/um/61816962/Jameson_The_cultural_logic.pdf
The Ecology Of Freedom: The Emergence And Dissolution Of Hierarchy by Murray Bookchin I have not read this in depth, and take issue with some of Bookchin’s ideas, but this seems like a very good jumping off point to engage with ecosocialism or red-green theory. Regardless of any schism between Marxist and anarchist thought, the importance of uniting together to stem the unsustainable growth of industrialised capitalism cannot be denied. Climate change is unquestionably a threat faced by us all, but which will disproportionately impact the most disenfranchised on the planet. https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/murray-bookchin-the-ecology-of-freedom.pdf
Why Marx Was Right by Terry Eagleton I’ve only read excerpts of this; I know Eagleton better for his extensive work on Marxist literary criticism, postmodernity, and postcolonial literature, so I’m including this work of his as a means of introducing and engaging directly with Marxism itself, rather than the synthesis of diverse fields of analysis. But Eagleton generally does a very good job of parsing often incredibly dense concepts in an accessible way, so I trust him to explain something so obvious and self-evident as why Marx was right. https://filosoficabiblioteca.files.wordpress.com/2018/12/EAGLETON-Terry-Why-Marx-Was-Right.pdf
By Any Means Necessary by Malcolm X Malcolm X is one of the pre-eminent voices of the revolutionary black power movement, and among the greatest contributors to black/American leftist thought. This is a collection of his speeches and writings, in which he eloquently and charismaticly conveys both his righteous outrage and optimism for the future. Malcolm X’s explicitly Marxist and decolonial rhetoric is often downplayed since his assassination, but even the title and slogan is borrowed from Frantz Fanon.
Feminism and gender theory
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Sister Outsider: Essays And Speeches by Audre Lorde The primary thrust of this collection is the inclusion of ‘The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle The Master’s House’, probably Lorde‘s most well known work, but all the contents are eminently worthwhile. Lorde addresses race, capitalist oppression, solidarity, sexuality and gender, in a rigourously rhetorical yet practical way that calls us to empower one another in the face of oppression. Lorde’s poetry is also great. http://images.xhbtr.com/v2/pdfs/1082/Sister_Outsider_Essays_and_Speeches_by_Audre_Lorde.pdf
Feminism Is For Everybody by bell hooks A seminal addition to Third Wave Feminist theory, emphasising the reality that the aim of feminism is to confront and dismantle patriarchal systems which oppress - you guessed it - everybody. This book approaches feminism through the lens of race and capitalism, feeding into the discourse on intersectionality which many of us now take as a central element of 21st Century feminism. https://excoradfeminisms.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/bell_hooks-feminism_is_for_everybody.pdf
Gender Trouble: Feminism And The Subversion Of Identity by Judith Butler Butler and her work form probably the single most significant (especially white) contribution to Third Wave Feminism, as well as queer theory. This may be a somewhat dense, academic work, but the primary hurdle is in deconstructing our existing perceptions of gender and identity, which we are certainly better equipped to do today specifically thanks to Butler. Vitally important stuff for dismantling hegemonic patriarchy. https://selforganizedseminar.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/butler-gender_trouble.pdf
Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink Or Blue by Leslie Feinberg Feinberg is perhaps the foundational voice in trans theory, best known for Stone Butch Blues, but this text seems like a good point to view hir push into mainstream acceptance where ze previously aligned hirself and trans groups more with gay and lesbian subcultures. A central element here is the accessibility and deconstruction of hegemonic gender and expression, but what this really expresses is a call for solidarity and support among marginalised classes, in a fight for our mutual visibility and survival, in the greatest of Marxist feminist traditions.
The Haraway Reader by Donna Haraway Haraway is perhaps better known as a post-humanist than a Marxist feminist, but in all honesty, I am not sure these can be disentangled so easily. My highest recommendation is the essay ‘A Cyborg Manifesto: Science, Technology, and Socialist-Feminism in the Late Twentieth Century‘, but it is in many ways concerned more with aesthetics and media criticism than anything practical, and Haraway’s engagement with technology has only become more significant, with the proliferation of smartphones and wifi, to understanding our bodies and ourselves as instruments of resistance. https://monoskop.org/images/5/56/Haraway_Donna_The_Haraway_Reader_2003.pdf
Postcolonialism
~
The Wretched Of The Earth by Frantz Fanon Perhaps my highest recommendation, this will give you better insight into late stage (postcolonial) capitalism than perhaps anything else. Fanon was a psychologist, and his analyses help us parse the internal workings of both the capitalist and racialised minds. I don’t see this work recommended nearly enough, largely because Fanon’s Black Skin, White Masks is a better source for race theory, but The Wretched Of The Earth is the best choice for understanding revolutionary, anti-capitalist, and decolonial ideas. http://abahlali.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Frantz-Fanon-The-Wretched-of-the-Earth-1965.pdf
Orientalism by Edward Said This is probably the best introduction to postcolonial theory, particularly because it focuses on colonial/imperialist abuses in media and art. Said’s later work Culture And Imperialism may actually be a better source for strictly leftist analysis, but this is the groundwork for understanding the field, and will help readers confront and interpret everything from Western military interventionism to racist motifs in Disney films. https://www.eaford.org/site/assets/files/1631/said_edward1977_orientalism.pdf
Decolonisation Is Not A Metaphor by Eve Tuck and K. Wayne Yang In direct response to Fanon’s call to decolonise (the mind), Tuck and Yang present a compelling assertion that the abstraction of decolonisation paves the way for settler claims of innocence rather than practical rapatriation of land and rights. The relatively short article centres and problematises ongoing complicity in the agenda of settler-colonial hegemony and the material conditions of indigenous groups in the postcolonial epoch. Important stuff for anti-imperialist work and solidarity. https://clas.osu.edu/sites/clas.osu.edu/files/Tuck%20and%20Yang%202012%20Decolonization%20is%20not%20a%20metaphor.pdf
The Coloniser And The Colonised by Albert Memmi Often read in tandem with Fanon, as both are concerned with trauma, violence, and dehumanisation. But further, Memmi addresses both the harm inflicted on the colonised body and the colonisers’ own culture and mind, while also exploring the impetus of practical resistance and dismantling imperialist control structures. This is also of great import to confronting detractors, offering the concrete precedent of Algerian decolonisation. https://cominsitu.files.wordpress.com/2020/05/albert-memmi-the-colonizer-and-the-colonized-1.pdf
Can The Subaltern Speak? by Gayatri Spivak This relatively short (though dense) essay will ideally help us to confront the real struggles of many of the most disenfranchised people on earth, removing us from questions of bourgeois wage-slavery and focusing on the right to education and freedom from sexual assault, not to mention the legacy of colonial genocide. http://abahlali.org/files/Can_the_subaltern_speak.pdf
Wider cultural studies
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No Logo by Naomi Klein I have some qualms with Klein, but she nevertheless makes important points regarding the systemic nature of neoliberal global capitalism and hegemony. No Logo addresses consumerism at a macro scale, emphasising the importance of what may be seen as internationalist solidarity and support and calling out corporate scapegoating on consumer markets. I understand that This Changes Everything is perhaps even better for addressing the unreasonable expectations of indefinite and unsustainable growth under capitalist systems, but I haven’t read it and therefore cannot recommend; regardless, this is a good starting point. https://archive.org/stream/fp_Naomi_Klein-No_Logo/Naomi_Klein-No_Logo_djvu.txt
The Black Atlantic: Modernity And Double Consciousness by Paul Gilroy This is an important source for understanding the development of diasporic (particularly black) identities in the wake of the Middle Passage between African and America, but more generally as well. This work can be related to parallel phenomena of racialised violence, genocide, and forced migration more widely, but it is especially useful for engaging with the legacy of slavery, the cultural development of blackness, and forms of everyday resistance. https://dl1.cuni.cz/pluginfile.php/756417/mod_resource/content/1/Gilroy%20Black%20Atlantic.pdf
Imagined Communities: Reflections On The Origin And Spread Of Nationalism by Benedict Anderson This text is important in understanding the nature of both high colonialism and fascism, perhaps now more than ever. Anderson examines the political manipulation and agenda of cultural production, that is the propagandised, artificial act of nation building. This analyses the development of nation states as the norm of political unity in historiographical terms, as symptomatic of old school European imperialism. Today we may see this reflected in Brexit or MAGA, but lebensraum and zionism are just as evident in the analysis. https://is.muni.cz/el/1423/jaro2016/SOC757/um/6181696/Benedict_Anderson_Imagined_Communities.pdf
Discipline And Punish: The Birth Of The Prison by Michel Foucault Honestly, I am not sure if this should be on this list; I would certainly not call it leftist. That said, it is a very important source to inform our perceptions of the nature of institutional power and abuse. It is also unquestionable that many of the pre-eminent left-leaning scholars of the past fifty years have been heavily influenced, willing or not, by Foucault and his post-structuralist ilk. A worthwhile read, especially for queer readers, but take with a liberal (zing!) helping of salt. https://monoskop.org/images/4/43/Foucault_Michel_Discipline_and_Punish_The_Birth_of_the_Prison_1977_1995.pdf
Trouble In Paradise: From The End Of History To The End Of Capitalism by Slavoj Žižek Probably just don’t read this, it amounts to self-torture. Okay but seriously, I wanted to include Žižek (perhaps against my better judgement), but he is probably best seen as a lesson in recognising theorists as fallible, requiring our criticism rather than being followed blindly. I like Žižek, but take him as a kind of clown provocateur who may lead us to explore interesting ideas. He makes good points, but he also... Doesn’t... Watch a couple youtube videos and decide if you can stomach him before diving in.
Additional highly recommended authors (with whom I am not familiar enough to give meaningful descriptions or specific recommended texts) (let me know if you find anything of significant value from among these, as I am likely unaware!):
Theodor Adorno (of the Frankfurt School, which also included Herbert Marcuse, Erich Fromm, and Walter Benjamin, all of whom I’d likewise recommend but with whom I have only passing familiarity) was a sociologist and musicologist whose aesthetic analyses are incredibly rich and insightful, and heavily influential on 20th Century Marxist theory.
Sara Ahmed is a significant voice in Third Wave Feminist criticism, engaging with queer theory, postcoloniality, intersectionality, and identity politics, of particular interest to international praxis.
Mikhail Bakhtin was a critic and scholar whose theories on semiotics, language, and literature heavily guided the development of structuralist thought as well as later Marxist philosophy.
Mikhail Bakunin is perhaps the closest thing to anarchist orthodoxy. Consistently involved with revolutionary action, he is known as a staunch critic of Marxist rhetoric, and a seminal influence on anti-authoritarian movements.
Silvia Federici is a Marxist feminist who has contributed significant work regarding women’s unpaid labour and the capitalist subversion of the commons in historiographical contexts.
Mark Fisher was a leftist critic whose writing on music, film, and pop culture was intimately engaged with postmodernity, structuralist thought, and most importantly Marxist aesthetics.
Che Guevara was a major contributor to revolutionary efforts internationally, most notably and successfully in Cuba. His writing is robustly pragmatic as well as eloquent, and offers practical insight to leftist action.
Hồ Chí Minh was a revolutionary communist leader of the Democratic Republic of Vietnam, and a significant contributor to revolutionary communist theory and anti-imperialist practice.
C.L.R. James is a significant voice in 20th Century (especially black) Marxist theory, engaging with and criticising Trotskyist principles and the role of ethnic minorities in revolutionary and democratic political movements.
Joel Kovel was a researcher known as the founder of ecosocialism. His work spans a wide array of subjects, but generally tends to return to deconstructing capitalism in its highest stage.
György Lukács was a critic who contributed heavily to the Western Marxism of the Frankfurt School and engaged with aesthetics and traditions of Marx’s philosophical ideology in contrast with Soviet policy of the time.
Rosa Luxemburg was a revolutionary socialist organiser, publisher, and economist, directly engaged in practical leftist activity internationally for a significant part of the early 20th Century.
Mao Zedong was a revolutionary communist, founder and Chairman of the People’s Republic of China, and a prolific contributor to Marxism-Leninism(-Maoism), which he adapted to the material conditions outside the Western imperial core.
Huey P. Newton was the co-founder of the Black Panther Party and a vital force in the spread and accessibility of communist thought and practical internationalism, not to mention black revolutionary tactics.
Léopold Sédar Senghor was a poet-turned-politician who served as Senegal’s first president and established the basis for African socialism. Also central to postcolonial theory, and a leader of the Négritude movement.
***
I hope this list may be useful. (I would also be interested to see the recommendations of others!) Happy reading, comrades. We have nothing to lose but our chains.
#original#leftism#leftist#Marxist#Marxism#socialist#socialism#literature#reading list#critical theory
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I read the Naruto Omega request with the alpha commenting about how their kid is just like their Omega (and I loved it so much) but what if the kid is just like their Alpha parent? Like the Alpha hit copy/paste of their kid and it's obvious to everyone, especially their Omega parent.
(Hehe, the reverse, interesting! I got a bit carried away in some places, but this was really fun to write! Enjoy~)
Naruto - Naruto knows his pup looks a lot like his alpha, but they're also like him!! He can see it just fine! You see the way they don't like reading kanji? He didn't like reading kanji when he was their age! You see the way they scratch their head sometimes? He does that too! As far as he's concerned there is lots of him in his child and he doesn't know why no one else seems to see it. He will definitely dress them in the worst orange clothes and style their hair like his to try and get everyone else to notice the similarities.
"No, Kakashi sensei, you don't get it! I had to walk past Ichiraku's the other day and my pup started to cry because we were in too much of a rush to go in. They have great taste, just like me, believe it!"
Sasuke - Sasuke didn't think he was the sort to care that much, but he's honestly a little shocked. Uchiha genes are crazy strong, and he's surprised that his alpha's genes are apparently stronger. He also gets kinda embarrassed because he spent his whole pregnancy telling you that the pup was probably going to look a lot like him and he was very obviously wrong about that. But in the end, he honestly kind of likes it. He doesn't have the best self-esteem and he definitely holds a somewhat subconscious belief that the Uchiha bloodline is cursed, so he finds it relaxing for his pup to look so much like his alpha. It makes him feel like they have a chance at a good life, something he didn't even realise he was worried about beforehand. He prefers his pup to look as much like his alpha as possible.
"Huh," said Naruto, giving Sasuke's pup a glance. "If you were an alpha, I'd say your mate cheated on you, but I guess the pup came out of you, so I suppose you're all good."
"Tch, idiot," Sasuke scoffed, gently brushing his child's hair (his alpha's hair that he loved so much) from her eyes. "Don't be so crude."
Shino - He doesn't really notice, not at first, too enamoured by the fact that his pup is beautiful and amazing and someone him and his mate created together. But after a few comments from others, he starts to realise how little of him seemed to be part of that creation, and he gets a bit melancholic about it. Don't get him wrong, he thinks his alpha has amazing genetics and he loves them both but... he's been excluded from a lot in his life and the fact that he appears to have been excluded from this as well. It hurts. Thankfully, as soon as the pup is old enough to start dressing in the Aburame clan clothes, everyone immediately starts calling them a mini-Shino, telling him how much like their father they are etc. He always puffs up in pride and it doesn’t take long for his friends to notice and they make sure to say that as much as possible to him. I imagine his alpha also picks up on it and goes out of their way to point out the similarities.
"I had to pull him away from exploring in the woods today," you inform Shino, having just walked in from a walk with your pup to allow Shino some peace to clean the kitchen. "He didn't like being told he wasn't old enough yet. Much like someone else I used to know~"
"Is that so?" Shino felt like his heart might burst from happiness that his child loved looking for bugs in the woods as much as he did. "I'll have to take him there tomorrow. Why? Because I want him to be happy."
Shikamaru - If his child doesn't learn to appreciate the beauty of a nap soon, Shikamaru may just have to disown him. He's joking, of course, but he's another one who firmly believed in the dominant genes in his clan, so he is shocked to find that there is now a tiny clone of his alpha running around their house. His pup and his mate gang up on him all the time… poor long suffering Shikamaru. Apart from missing valuable napping/cloud gazing time, Shikamaru doesn't care that much, although he finds it distantly amusing that the future clan head looks nothing like a Nara. Maybe they’ll gain more of his traits as they get older, maybe they won’t, they’re his precious little pup either way.
“If I promise to give you some chocolate later, will you come and take a nap with daddy?”
“No, no, no! Don’t want to! Want to play!”
Shikamaru just let out a long-suffering sigh and resigned himself to being awake for the whole day. Troublesome.
Neji – Neji is so fucking over the moon, he can’t even put it into words. The second he sees his child’s eyes for the first time, Neji starts to cry. They have your eyes. In other words, they have no chance of developing the Byakugan and therefore no need to be given the caged bird seal. The weight that lifts off his shoulders is massive. He has no room in his emotions for any sadness that his pup doesn’t look like him, because he knows how unbelievably lucky he got with this.
You sat by Neji’s bedside, pup cradled in their arms, as you waited for him to come to after the c-section surgery.
When Neji’s eyes finally fluttered open, he immediately focused on the bundle in your arms.
“It’s a little girl,” you answered, understanding his silent question. “Either a beta or an omega.”
Neji didn’t speak, simply holding out his arms to take his daughter from his mate. But just as they transferred him his pup, they whispered something in his ear.
“She has my eyes.”
An unremarkable statement to most, but Neji startled and checked immediately. You were right. She had your eyes.
Exhausted, Neji burst into tears, leaning on his alpha for support and mentally thanking every power that may be for this miracle.
Iruka – Iruka doesn’t have any strong feelings either way. He just wanted someone to love and nurture, what they look like doesn’t mean anything to him. In fact, he’s pretty happy that his pup and his alpha are so similar because it makes him feel like he knows how to parent successfully. He knows his alpha better than anyone after all, so a pup who has the same personality and motivations should be easier for him to parent. He acknowledges every comment about how much his pup looks like you with a laugh. It’s true and it is a little amusing how similar the two of you are. (Also, does Iruka take all your baby photos and then stage matching ones with your pup because he thinks it’s cute how similar you are? Absolutely.)
“Here, if you eat all your vegetables, you can have some of this afterwards,” Iruka promised to his pup, brandishing a plate of both his mate’s and his pup’s favourite food. Without even a moment of consideration, his pup started to eat his vegetables.
Iruka smiled to himself. Works every time. (On both the most important people in his life.)
Itachi – Much like Neji, he’s very relieved that his child is unlikely to be able to unlock the Sharigan. The sharigan has brought Itachi very little good and so much suffering, so knowing his child can avoid that makes him extremely happy. Not to mention, the elders pretty much discard his pup as unimportant immediately, just how Itachi likes it, and while they do start harassing him about having more children, he would much rather that they were bothering him than his baby. He doesn’t let himself be disappointed that his child doesn’t look much like him. He has a healthy and happy pup that he loves with all his heart, and who is free from the perpetual harassment from the Uchiha elders. That’s the best situation he could have asked for.
“They don’t look like an Uchiha,” a blunt twelve-year-old Sasuke said, tilting his head at the bundle in his brother’s arms like he’d never seen a baby before.
Itachi didn’t take any offence and laughed softly, still very weak from the birth.
“Well, technically they are only half-Uchiha,” Itachi answered, absently stroking his pup’s head. “And I think they’re perfect.”
#naruto#omegaverse#abo#a/b/o#reader insert#omega!naruto#omega!sasuke#omega!Shino#omega!shikamaru#omega!neji#omega!iruka#omega!itachi#alpha!reader#alpha x omega#gn!reader#alpha reader#gn reader#gender neutral reader#sasuke x reader#naruto x reader#headcanons
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Chapter 05 - Elsa's excursion
Links: Chapter overview, Character list, Map, Glossar Rating: M over all Publishing cycle: each Friday on (link)
Remarks: all my chapters contain carefully selected music tracks. It’s your own decision if you want to use them or not while reading. The purpose is to musically support the respective mood of the plot. If you can please use a browser for reading (not the Tumblr app) due to the text formatting.
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Joná went to his little boat and pondered what had happened. He just wanted to help and hoped that Yelana would do something about it. Instead, she asked him to keep everything secret. He shrugged his shoulders and bent over the edge of the boat to get his catch out. Still thinking she already knew what to do, he turned with his full basket and froze. Behind him some men from the village had gathered and looked at him piercingly.
“Um ... why are you standing there staring at me like that? Is something going on?” he asked and put the basket down.
“We were just about to ask you that,” said the one in front, who had obviously led the men here. “We noticed everything earlier and wondered if you would tell us what you had so urgently to tell Yelana.” He crossed his arms and looked at Joná waiting.
Joná swallowed. He remembered what she had told him and didn't know how to begin. “Um ... well ... I was just so excited because ... because the fish I had on the line today are so big. One of them almost pulled me over the edge of the boat.”
The man in front of him cast a telling glance at his basket and then looked at him again with raised eyebrows. “Oh, yeah?”
“Not that one, no. But the one fish I was going to pull into the boat was,” said Joná, who noticed this look. “Really, I did. They were just too heavy for me and were tearing the string.”
A few moments passed, and the man finally nodded, “Well, we know your fish stories good enough. But don't you think you might have overdone it a little today?”
Joná sighed and let his shoulders sink. “Yes, maybe you are right. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to scare anyone.”
“Let's go, men.” They all turned around and walked slowly back to camp, some of them looking disappointed. But the leader of the group said quietly, “There's something he's not telling us. I don't buy that story. Not that I ever did, but ... ”
“Did you notice his nervous look and how insecure he was this time?” one of the men asked quietly and looked at him from the side.
He nodded, “Indeed.”
~~~
Elsa had been lying quietly on her bed for a long time, listening to the noises coming in from outside. It sounded very busy and once she heard a loud shouting and a name. Yelana. She didn't know this person, but she seemed to hold an important position. After that it was quiet again and she only heard a few birds chirping. A ray of sunlight came in from above and blinded her. She turned her head to the side and her eyes fell on the bundle of clothes next to her. Somehow she had had enough of just lying around here idly. She wanted to get out and look around.
Elsa bent her knees to see how far she was able to stand up. It still hurt a little, but it worked surprisingly well. She pushed the fur to the side and did stretching exercises with her legs, slowly and alternately. After some time she carefully sat up and bent over to massage her thighs and calves. A long blonde strand of hair fell into her face. “Oh ...,” she said in surprise and reached behind her head to pull more of her hair forward. She felt and looked at it. “I'd love to know what I look like,” she murmured and then continued to put her plan into action.
Finally she turned and let her legs dangle over the edge of the bed. She stood up, or at least tried to, because her strength was not enough and she sank back onto the bed. But Elsa didn't want to give up so quickly and pulled the wooden stool in front of her to support herself. After two attempts, she finally stood there a little shaky and made a satisfied sound. Then she picked up her clothes and slipped the leather tunic over her head. She touched the material. It was a bit rough, but very soft and felt a bit cool on her skin. She looked at the pants and sat down again to slip them over her legs, slowly stood up again and pulled them up. Everything fit her perfectly. Finally she put on the belt and slipped into the boots. Now she was ready for her first excursion and started to move slowly.
~~~
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Honeymaren had nothing else to do at the moment and therefore shuffled around the camp a bit bored and lost in thought with her head lowered. Unconsciously she took the way towards Elsa's kota. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed how the flap of one of the huts was pressed open. She looked over and couldn't believe her eyes. Elsa stepped straight out and kept herself wobbly on her feet. She looked around curiously and their eyes met. Elsa smiled at her and took a hesitant step forward, but almost fell over and held on to the edge of the entrance just in time. Honeymaren did not hesitate for a second and rushed to her to help.
“Careful, you're still too weak and you might hurt yourself in the fall. Let me help you.” She took Elsa's hand and put one arm around her shoulder to support her.
“Thank you. I just couldn't stand it in there anymore and had to try to get out.”
“I can understand that. I guess that's what I'd do. Although ... nothing like that has ever happened to me, so I don't know what ...” She bit her lip.
Elsa looked at her and said, “All right, it hasn't happened to me either ... I think.” She put on a crooked smile.
Honeymaren nodded, looked down at her and then smiled and said, “The Northuldra clothes look pretty good on you.”
“Thanks. It feels very comfortable too. What's your name anyway?”
“I'm Honeymaren.”
They looked into each other's eyes for a moment. “We know each other, right? I'm sorry if I can't remember anything about it.”
Honeymaren felt her heartbeat accelerate. Before all this happened to her, Elsa had always been so distant, almost unapproachable, and with her task as Fifth Spirit, she had rarely been seen in camp lately. Now would actually be the perfect opportunity to change this. But was she allowed to do that? It would amount to a lie. She hesitated.
“Yes, we know each other ... quite well.”
Elsa briefly squeezed Honeymaren's hand and sighed, “I hope I'll be able to remember this soon. Will you help me to look around a bit and explore everything? I am very curious.”
“I'd love to. I already know where we could go first.”
They walked with slow steps and she helped Elsa to keep her balance. She had never been so close to Elsa before; Honeymaren thought to herself. It was kind of exciting. Before Elsa promised to free the Northuldra from the impenetrable mist wall on that memorable evening, Honeymaren didn't know very much, trapped in this small world. She was born into this world as one of the few children and there were only a handful in her age with whom she could do something. The few of them were playful boys who were either too simple-minded or interested in other things. So she grew up, mostly alone with herself and her thoughts, only with her somewhat jumpy brother Ryder, to whom the reindeer meant more than anything else. Otherwise, it was their leader Yelana who had been her life anchor and she learned a lot from her, especially about the past of her tribe and its values.
At some point they finally reached the edge of the forest and stepped out onto a narrow strip of sand beach bathed in sunlight.
“This is one of the few beautiful places here by the sea, the rest is quite jagged and mostly full of big black pebbles,” Honeymaren said, and led Elsa to a smooth, almost white-washed piece of an old tree trunk that lay half buried in the sand.
They sat down on it and Elsa looked out into the distance. The sun sparkled on the softly rippling waves, which the gentle wind washed up and carried a salty scent. She took a deep breath, laid her head relaxed in the neck and closed her eyes. Honeymaren, on the other hand, did not care about the sea, because she had a completely different view in front of her eyes. She sat so close to Elsa that she could literally feel her and the temptation was great to gently stroke her long light hair. She felt the heat rising inside her, but she was not allowed to rush into anything and instead was content to admire Elsa's features, her light soft skin and the fine hairs on her gently curving neck. She sucked up every little detail and felt lost in time.
So she didn't even realise how Elsa finally opened her eyes again and noticed Honeymaren's behaviour out of the corner of her eye. She turned her head and looked directly at her. “What are you doing?”
Honeymaren took a frightened breath and stammered, “I ... nothing, I ... I was just admiring your long hair. Sorry, Elsa, I ... didn't mean to ...” Her cheeks turned red and her eyes were wide open.
Elsa raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Tell me, Honeymaren, how well did we actually know each other?”
Honeymaren looked down somewhat bashfully, not daring to say anything. She thought feverishly about what she could answer instead. Then she simply changed the subject. She didn't know how Elsa would react and whether it was wise to mention it. Still, now they were sitting here already and the opportunity seemed appropriate.
“I don't know if I should say it ... but I guess sooner or later you'll find out from someone anyway. This is exactly where they found you a few days ago, unconscious and lying half in the water.”
Elsa didn't miss the change of subject, of course, and she wondered about it briefly, but the mention of her accident distracted her and she gazed thoughtfully out at sea.
“I'd love to know what exactly happened to me,” she remarked shortly after.
“Only Ahtohallan knows,” Honeymaren murmured, daring to look up again.
Elsa gave her a questioning look, “Ahtohallan? Who is that?”
“Um ... that's something we should probably talk about another time. Be patient, everything will be fine,” she replied, a bit unsettled, and placed her hand comfortingly on Elsa's arm. She glanced around her. “Dusk is starting to fall, and we should probably start making our way back. Don't want you to miss a root in the woods and trip.” She giggled and Elsa fell in laughing.
Then she stood up and extended a hand to Elsa to help her to her feet. The embarrassing moment from just now was over and Honeymaren was really glad about it. Both of them took one last look at the setting sun on the horizon and Honeymaren let herself be carried away to another remark because of it.
“I somehow knew you would love this place. I often come here myself when no one is around and the fishermen are all out at sea. Then I think about different things and have my peace. It's a really good spot to relax and enjoy nature.
“Yes, you're right, and that moment a minute ago really did me a lot of good. I thank you for it.”
“You're welcome, Elsa,” she replied with a smile.
“Tell me, Honeymaren, is there a creek around here with a quiet spot where you can see a reflection of yourself when you look into it? I'd like to know what I look like.”
Honeymaren looked at her in surprise, “As a matter of fact, yes, there is. Come, I'll take you there.” Honeymaren held out her hand and they both slowly and carefully made their way back.
~~~
Yelana sat on the furs on the floor in her hut and thought for some time. A Northuldra woman who wanted to know something she had sent her away again and said that she didn't have time at the moment and would visit her later. She saw Elsa lying on the beach in front of her eyes, shortly before all the spirits had disappeared and now this description. Of all people by this fisherman, who was known for his stories. But what he told was just too extraordinary this time and it all fitted in with recent events. However, Ahtohallan would never do such a thing, what could be the reason for that.
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Except ... Yelana took a long scarf from one of her leather bags and put one end of it over her knee. Lost in thought, she stroked over the five symbols woven into it and stayed on the one in the middle. She had received this scarf from her mother when she was a child and has taken it out every time she has thought and searched for answers ever since. Maybe she hoped for some comfort and strength after her parents had died long ago. It was not unlike the shawl Queen Anna was carrying at the time, but it had a different colour and, of course, a different pattern on the edge that stood for the family that woven it for their descendants.
The fifth spirit before Elsa died during the events that ultimately trapped the forest for so long. She knew that for sure. But then who was it who had the powers of Ahtohallan and was responsible for all this today? There was no other fifth spirit, that much was certain. Could it be that ... no, that was impossible. Or could it? Could he have had a child? Then who was his mother? Someone in her tribe?
Slowly a certainty was forming in Yelana, one that she did not like at all.
~~~
He sat on the large rocky plateau near the river, far away from any Northuldra dwelling. Nobody dared to come here, because the earth giants slept here and did not like to be woken up. The place was perfectly chosen for his secret whereabouts.
He wore a dark, almost black fur coat, next to him were reindeer antlers, worked into a large fur hood. His eyes were closed, he breathed deeply and calmly in and out, and let his senses wander into the forest. He felt and he saw.
He could read their minds, at least of most of them. It was different from the nature spirits, where he never felt this limitation, but some people were strong-willed and it was as if he had to fight his way through a thick layer of snow. With very few of them he could only feel their emotions and nothing more ... like with this woman from the house of that hateful king, who was responsible for his father's death. Now, decades later, he still could see in his mind's eye that terrible image of how he found his father after the battle was over. As clearly as if it had been only yesterday. He was lying on the ground bleeding and not moving, peppered with half a dozen crossbow arrows.
His father had been his icon and was respected by all Northuldra, but also feared. For he had an ability that until now had only been considered a myth. He could change his shape. Therefore, some of the elders called him reverently Myandash, the reindeer shapeshifter, one of the centuries-old legends of his people. This legend said that his mother was a shaman and witch who could transform into a reindeer and that his father was a real reindeer. While Myandash was inside his tent he was a human, but he transformed as soon as he stepped outside. But the world in which he lived was that of the great reindeer spirit and not the realm of humans.
His father was therefore said to be the descendant of Myandash, who walked and protected among them. He had a great influence on the council of elders and his decisions were always taken seriously. But this was now in the past and he was alone. For decades he had hidden here and lived secluded from those of his people, learning, observing, training all his skills ... and planned his revenge. At least the king from the south was also taken to his death by someone from his tribe. But there were many of them, too many, and he hated them all.
He let his senses wander again and concentrated. Then he found a young Northuldra woman who had quite confusing feelings ... for another woman. He drew the corner of his mouth in disgust, but penetrated deeper into her mind and finally he saw through her eyes, saw what she saw, as clearly as if he would be present beside them ... a beach and that other woman sitting next to her. She was also wearing Northuldra clothes, but something was strange about her and different. Her hair, it was long and ...
He opened his eyes in horror. That couldn't be! How was that even possible? He had killed that blonde bitch, or at least made sure that she was doomed to drown in the dark sea and never appear again. How had she achieved her survival? He cursed. It hadn't been easy to take the magic away from her, or rather to make her forget all of it. It had cost him great effort and many preparations. To let Nokk dissolve under her was a piece of cake. After all, Nokk no longer had any connection to Ahtohallan, neither did the other nature spirits after he managed to establish the mist bell over the glacier.
It was all so well planned. But recently the Spirits had stopped obeying him and he assumed that it was directly related to Ahtohallan. But then he had been able to seize another of the secrets of Ahtohallan's power and outsmarted it. Only in this way had his plan become possible at all.
He would now have to try again. Then just by the conventional way. This time she wouldn't get away from him again, because now she had no magic and he was far superior to her both physically and mentally. It was just too bad that his father couldn't teach him to shape-shift anymore. He had simply been too young for that.
It was time to forge a new plan. One that was deadproof this time ... and he already knew approximately how he would proceed this time. It was time to act.
~~~
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I hope you have enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a comment if you liked the story, I would be pleased to read your opinions, even criticisms. If you want to be tagged as soon I publish the next chapter please let me know.
Credits: Many thanks to HARU (@ xlayers) for the commissioned fantastic fanart!
Tagging: @karma26 @whether-near-to-me-or-far @annaofthenorthernlights @igotelsapregnanthelp
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semi-translating/summarizing some things p’boss said on the hardest brief podcast. putting it under the cut because it ended up being wayyy longer than expected. also, my thai knowledge is that of a little kid who left her country very young so i probably missed some words/references, sorry!
(i got lazy and skipped the last part where they talked about the props and the colors (red = oh-aew, blue = teh, purple = tarn) but i feel like enough folks on here have done the color/visual analysis so we should be good):
he had this story he wanted to tell about two childhood friends and also knew he wanted to cast pp and billkin, but to make it work they had to pull from pp and billkin’s personalities to make sure that the characters they ended up creating would mesh with who pp and billkin are as performers; in writing the script, they sometimes asked pp and billkin to talk about their experiences as teenagers and adapted it to the series, so for example the storyline where teh and oh-aew meet each other again at afterschool chinese class and start out not liking each other, comes from pp and billkin’s real life when they first met and didn’t like each other
the interviewer asked p’boss to talk about how the itsay team has balanced representation in terms of gender and sexual orientation, and p’boss said it was important to have a team that understands the human experience and can draw from life experiences from multiple perspectives, which led to diversity in gender, sexual orientation, and age
when asked whether itsay is a Y series (BL), p’boss said his intention is to tell a story about the relationship between two boys, so it depends on how you define what counts as BL, LGBTQ, etc.
the interviewer and p’boss had this conversation about what characterizes something as BL, and the interviewer said after asking around it seemed like BL is about relationships between boys but more from a fantasy lens and tends to be different from gay couples in real life, and focuses on scenes between the two male leads, scenes that make you “pinch your pillow” (op: like scenes that make you squeal), but not so much on other moments outside of that; p’boss’s response (approximate translation): “i’m not sure myself, but from what i know, BL series seem to be about relationships between boys, but from the perspectives of girls, since that tends to be the target audience. so it tends to be what makes girls happy, what entertains them, that ends up being the content of BL.”
p’boss on lgbtq series: “i think it looks deeply at the real lives of people who are lgbt, it might be more realistic. it might be like, this is a real thing, but when you tell it in a series it becomes dark, but it’s real. in terms of itsay, in the beginning i didn’t know how to classify it, but when a lot of people started calling it lgbt, i thought, okay. [...] it’s just the story i wanted to tell, and i wanted to tell it with as much humanity as possible. i don’t want to limit viewers, i want as many people to see this as possible, so we can call it whatever they want as long as they watch it and it makes them happy.”
this is his first series focusing on lgbtq characters, but in hormones he wrote goi and dao’s characters (op: i didn’t know this?!)
with itsay, p’boss said it was important to him to have slower pacing to explore the intricacies of the emotions in each scene (different types of anger, different ways of sulking, different types of happy, different types of crying), making it somewhat different from my ambulance where things had to move more quickly to keep up with the speed of a tv drama
the interviewer asked “how does having two male leads change how you work?” and p’boss said there’s nothing different in the way you build chemistry between the two characters because you would just pull from their personalities, but the difference is in the conflict of the story which involves confusion and questioning about sexual orientation which a straight couple wouldn’t go through
p’boss: “when we think about how teh is the kind of person who doesn’t say what he’s thinking, or how oh-aew is the kind of person who’s upfront, anyone can play those roles--women, men, gay people, trans people can all have these roles.”
the interviewer said “itsay seems to be expanding the scope of lgbtq narratives by presenting it as easier for the characters to come out and say they love someone of the same sex. for example, especially compared to love of siam where the kiss scene between mario and pchy was considered something shocking, or in hormones, with the relationship between march and tou (phu and thee) where the characters spent a lot of time fighting with themselves about who they were attracted to. but in itsay, oh-aew was totally straightforward in saying he liked bas. do you think that’s because it’s easier and more open today?” p’boss: “i think the content changes depending on the generations, and oh-aew is really of today’s generation. it’s not that there are no longer kids who are confused about their sexual orientation or afraid to come out, even if ten or twenty years pass there will probably still be some kids who experience that. but there are people who are open and happy about how they live their lives. oh-aew is the type of lgbtq character that’s like, ‘i’m gay, and i’m proud to be who i am.’ [...] and it’s very positive that he sees himself as equal to straight people, because when we’re born, we can love anyone. if you’re a man, you can love another man and that’s a normal thing. that’s oh-aew’s attitude: i’m lgbtq, i’m gay, i’m proud, my parents accept me, and i can tell anyone confidently who i can love. i think a lot of people in this generation already see this as something normal, and we really need to make it something that’s equal. oh-aew represents that equality.”
p’boss on teh: “teh is a character who seems to come from older societal expectations where he’s a man, and he has to love women. but there are people who do still think this way. for teh, it’s hard for him to accept that he might like boys, but when he finds out oh-aew likes boys, he’s totally fine with it and sees it as normal. i feel like society needs to progress to this point, and beyond it, because it all has to be seen as normal. a lot of people when they talk about gay people they say there has to be a top and a bottom, but in reality anything can work, love can happen however. one day i could date someone who’s a trans woman, that’s possible, because it’s about feelings. or a woman who has always loved men could one day date a woman, that’s possible too. there’s a lot of freedom, and i want the characters to show that.”
they talked about how in the scene where teh pretends to hit on oh-aew in front of all their friends, the friends are shocked not that teh is attracted to guys, but they’re shocked that teh likes someone in the friend group. and that goes to show that it’s normal for someone to like someone of the same sex, whereas 20 years ago maybe the characters would have reacted in confusion or shock.
p’boss talking about what was challenging about making this series: “in terms of writing the script, we had to think about how to tell the story in a way that shows the characters’ emotions at all times. for example in episode 2, we explored the restlessness that teh feels when he’s confused about he feels jealous or possessive of his friend. when we say it like that, it’s relatable to people who know what it’s like to feel possessive of their best friend, but how to execute that on the screen is a different matter.”
why phuket? p’boss: “when i decided to tell a story about two boys, i wanted the atmosphere to be romantic. even if the story isn’t romantic, like two boys who are best friends eating together, but i wanted the visuals to be romantic that it looks like it could be a romance film. it intrigues the viewers and adds a certain sweetness to it. i wanted a good environment, so i searched in a lot of different provinces. at first i went to ayutthaya, mae hong son, chiang mai, chiang rai, songkhla. but when i talked to the team, one person wanted to go to the mountains, another wanted to go to the cape, another wanted to go to the beach. even if there’s a beach there has to be a city. we wanted everything, and phuket has it all. old town has a city feel, but there’s also the beach and mountains, so we decided to go to down to phuket while we were writing the script, to confirm whether it would actually work. i’m from hatyai, so i’m from the south, but i rarely ever went to phuket so i wasn’t sure if it would work.”
p’boss said filming the underwater kiss was difficult because there needed to be sunlight in order to capture everything in the way they wanted, but when they got to the island, there was no sun and it was about to rain. so they looked up the color of luck/success for that day and it was purple (op: i don’t have context for this so i can’t explain further lol), so they told everyone to wear a purple shirt. the day they went to film the scene, they all wore purple shirts, but when they got to the site it looked like it was about to rain, so p’yong took off his shirt and hung it on the boat, and as they were filming, every time they said “action” the sun would come out and every time they said “cut” the sun would go away, and p’boss said it was magical and that’s how it came out to be the scene we saw.
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I know you’re on hiatus, but I just wanted to gush about Anatomy of Love for a second here. It is one of the best fics I have ever read. I’ve been reading fic for like 13 years. It’s definitely in my top ten. Probably my top five. It is just incredible. I want to say specific things about it, but every time I think about it, my thoughts just get all jumbled up because I just don’t even know where to start. One of the things I absolutely love about it though, is that it’s light hearted but also has its serious, real moments. We have the side story going on with Kakashi’s past that in my opinion really brings everything together. I am so in love with that side story. I can’t wait for more of it. It puts so much of the present into perspective.
While you’re away, I’ll just be over here rereading all of the gold you’ve given us already.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you’re okay today.
Aw, Anon, I don't know what to say - this is so sweet!
I have to admit, knowing there are so many incredible KakaSaku stories out there, I feel incredibly honored you like my story that much - especially since it's my first (so I'm still quite nervous).
And I'm so happy you're enjoying the side stories as much I enjoy writing them. I wanted to reflect as much of canon as I could, like making Kakashi a soldier here in the AU while he's a shinobi in canon. But something I would've liked to have explored more in canon was the mental trauma and PTSD shinobi/soldiers would've gone through, so I'm implementing that in the story. I also took inspiration from the real-life World Wars, so you'll be seeing some dark(er) stuff later in future side stories that will also bleed into the main story. Which is why I said this is a "read at your own risk" fic back in Chapter 1 because I know there'll be plenty of squeamish stuff later on.
There are also some Sakura side stories I have planned (not so many as Kakashi though) to show us what her childhood was like. She was raised innocent and caring - almost privileged, in a sense - which is taken from her traits in canon (because Kishi was too lazy to give her a cool backstory like the men). While Kakashi was raised battle-hardened, strict, and having experienced a lot of tragedy - which is also taken from canon.
Ultimately, the Kakashi side stories are meant to juxtapose his life with Sakura's. To show you how differently they grew up, and how that difference also brings them together. ACT 1 skims the surface of that, but you're really going to see how this difference between them plays out in ACTS 2 and 3. This juxtaposition is actually the very core idea that popped into my head and is what spawned this entire fic - what would a love story look like between a lonely war veteran with PTSD and a lonely, innocent girl with no parents? But then I wanted to take it a couple steps further. What if these two characters were equally naive in the art of romance? If these two characters had the issues of an age difference and a student-teacher romance (double the forbidden!) ? If the girl and the man both had their parental figures absent for most of their lives? If the girl was trapped in an arranged marriage and the man was trapped by his own ghosts of the past?
I love reading complicated love stories, so I wanted to write one full of complications, and the side stories are definitely important in bringing the main story to perspective. Especially because I'm more of a "show, don't tell" writer when it comes to Kakashi's POV. I don't like always spoonfeeding the answers to readers - I like showing things and letting you guys interpret it or fill in the blank. So when you do read from Kakashi's POV, you're reading with his side stories in mind and hopefully understanding somewhat why he acts the way he does. Why he's drawn to Sakura. Why he pulls away from her too. Why he does what he does and when he does it.
Anyway, sorry for rambling! The next chapter will include a small side-story / flashback that is very dark and graphic, so please brace yourself!
Also, thank you for the prayers. They are very much appreciated. I hope you and your family continue to stay safe and healthy during these trying times.
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"#just because you have a bias about certain socioeconomic groups which tend to listen to country doesn't mean" // Yup. I tend to side-eye folks who are like "I like all kinds of music except country and [Insert a genre of music usually associated with Black creators like rap and hip hop]" You're not slick, ppl. I know what you're saying.
^^^^^^^^^ You hit the nail on the head.
It’s racial bias. It’s socioeconomic bias. It’s bias against people groups who have less respect and say in society.
From my tags on this post:
#don’t get me started on a long rant of the progressive side of country music and what’s been progressive FOR DECADES#from times near its BEGINNInGS#through the modern age#just because you have a bias about certain socioeconomic groups which tend to listen to country doesn’t mean#that that’s actually what the genre is or who the artists are#I could go for a LONNNNG time about this#a LONG time#some of the best protest songs I know of today’s current political situation#are country#or have like ya’ll forgotten about the folk revival#of the 1960s#or…#gahghfnfddhgnghfngh#I AM GAY AND I LISTEN TO COUNTRY#NYEH!!!!
Now. I understand disinterest in a genre because it’s not your aesthetic, but when people express their feelings for country, R&B, hip-hop, etc. …the dialogue isn’t casual “It’s not my thing.” The dialogue is a hateful, passionate retaliation.
Other genres aren’t treated like this. It’s normalized and encouraged to hate on country and rap. These genres are systematically treated with less respect and that disrespect culturally arose because these genres are associated with less-respected demographics.
(Country music is associated with people of low socioeconomic status, for people who aren’t explicitly aware.)
Anecdotally: I’ve caught something interesting about anti-country music sentiment. Many people tell me they can’t stand the “twang.” Half the time, I’ve noticed that their internalized definition of “twang” isn’t the vocal technique; it’s that they can’t stand the presence of a Southern accent. And hooboy does that have TONS of sociocultural bias issues. As a linguist, I’ve read endless sociolinguistic studies about how Southern dialects are treated as “lesser,” and how speakers of the dialect are automatically judged to be less intelligent, etc. It’s not good, folks.
Sometimes, to help friends get out of their anti-country mindset, I’ve “tricked” them into liking country. See, genres like bluegrass grew closely out of Scots-Irish folk music. Often, we’re playing the same tunes on both sides of the Atlantic. So I play a few instrumentals, my friend goes, “Oh! I love Celtic music
The biases against those demographics color how people view the music. There’s endless things that can be said about hip-hop bias, holy shit. I won’t focus on that today because I don’t believe I am qualified to be a spokesman. Someone who understands that genre better, and other genres associated with the African-American community, and is African-American, would be a better human to listen to than me. I defer to their knowledge and experience. It’s hella important to understand what bias has been reflected against those genres.
But there’s just as much bias against country music, against another demographic. And I’ve found it wild how it gets treated on places like tumblr, which wants to stand up for underprivileged groups, but somewhat inaccurately associates country music as “anti-gay conservative evil white person music” rather than music of people historically of lower socioeconomic status.
Yes, some of the demographic that listens to country music or plays country music are bad apples. But like… thinking the music is JUST THAT is a huge disservice to what country actually is and who the music artists actually are.
The history of country music is one giant collaborative melting pot of people from many different cultural backgrounds. Broad West African influence. Mexican influence. Italian influence. German influence. Scots-Irish influence. Cherokee influence. More. Early record labels like OKEH foolishly separated “hillbilly music” (presumably white folk music) from “rhythm and blues” (presumably Black folk music) without understanding the constant racial, demographic, regional, and cultural cross-pollination that occurred between the musicians from country music’s origins. And while there ARE certain issues in country music’s past and present, and we can’t let those issues go forgotten, that’s far from the whole story. We shouldn’t romanticize issues, but we should acknowledge that this music genre has given us major strides too.
Country music is the banjo, brought from Africa, combined with the mandolin, brought from Italy, combined with the fiddle, brought from Ireland, combined with the guitar and the dobro and the accordion and the upright bass and the electric guitar and the electric bass and whatever instruments you want to put in there.
Country music is African-American musicians like DeFord Bailey, the first radio star ever introduced on the Grand Ole Opry (THE most revered country music hub out there), blues harmonica performer, playing to crowds decades before segregation was de-legalized. He toured with white Opry musicians who treated him as one of their own. It’s soul music genre pioneer Ray Charles producing a studio album entirely dedicated to country music hits like “Hey Good Lookin’” from Hank Williams. It’s country star Charley Pride, who despite the racism against him in the 1960s rose to fame and made audiences fall in love with his beautiful voice. It’s the African-American musicians who inspired many commercial country stars, like Arnold Shultz influencing Bill Monroe and the railroad workers inspiring Jimmie Rodgers.
Country music is stars like Johnny Rodriguez and Rick Treviño, singing country music in Spanish, and using obvious Latin flavors in the genre.
Country music is filled with badass women like the ladies who STARTED THE GENRE ROLLING IN THE FIRST PLACE, Sara Carter and Mother Maybelle Carter (whose guitar style is hugely influential to this day) and Maybelle’s daughters Helen, June, and Anita; the first female music manager in the music industry, Louise Scruggs; songwriters like Felice Bryant and Loretta Lynn; the most awarded female artist in Grammy history Alison Krauss; and powerhouses like Dolly Parton who stepped out of an over-controlling entertainer’s shadow to become a badass in all things like supporting the LGBTQ community, contributing to pro-transgender films ahead of their time, and starring in sex worker positive productions like “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.”
Country music is filled with activism. Johnny Cash showed a heart for those forgotten by society. He toured many times in prisons. Cash especially was an activist for Native American rights. He toured with Native American songwriters so audiences could hear their own words (I’ve been trying to find names but I’m having difficulties re-finding that information, so my apologies for not giving names of those who deserve to be mentioned). Cash released albums dedicated to exposing past and present injustices against the Native American people. He went on tours specifically to Native American reservations.
And it’s not just Johnny Cash!
Country music is many stars from the Grand Ole Opry banding together to release AIDS benefit albums - big names like Alison Krauss, Willie Nelson, Marty Stuart, aurgh I’m too lazy to write them all, PEOPLE.
Country music is Earl Scruggs and his sons playing at the Vietnam War Protests.
Country music is tied in with the fucking folk revival of the 1960s, which was deep in left-wing activism and the Civil Rights Movement. Folk singers sang traditional Appalachian and English ballads alongside their own compositions, topical pieces protesting the current political situation. You can call one artist “folk” or “Americana” and another one “country,” but the influences were intermingling, and it’s why we have Bob Dylan and Woody Guthrie and Joan Baez and John Denver and Pete Seeger owning a banjo that says, “This machine surrounds hate and forces it to surrender.”
Dammit, I have a full BOOK that discusses country music and political ties.
There’s another book out there, which I haven’t read, that discusses the relationship between country music and the queer community, and how bias against country music is NOT as reflective of the listening demographic as we stereotype. I’ll take the word of one reviewer who said:
[Nadine Hubbs] explores country music lyrics, presenting a great deal of evidence suggesting that working class America is not inherently homophobic, but that as middle class cultural taste has changed to include formal acceptance of homosexuality, this process has included pinning homophobic ideas on the working class.
Country music is lyrics like this 1975 controversial song “The Pill”:
You wined me and dined meWhen I was your girlPromised if I’d be your wifeYou’d show me the worldBut all I’ve seen of this old worldIs a bed and a doctor billI’m tearing down your brooder house‘Cause now I’ve got the pillAll these years I’ve stayed at homeWhile you had all your funAnd every year that’s gone byAnother baby’s comeThere’s a-gonna be some changes madeRight here on nursery hillYou’ve set this chicken your last time‘Cause now I’ve got the pill
Country music is lyrics like this 2013 song that feels as relevant than ever:
If crooks are in charge, should we let them pick our pockets?If we don’t want trouble, should we not try to stop it?We could just sink into the quicksand slavery we’re born inBut fighting endless wars for greedy liars is getting pretty boringThey think they got us trained, so we’ll think we’re living freeIf we got time and money for junk food and TVBut it’s plain honest people never stand a chance of winning electionsThey just let us pick which liars take our rights away for our own protectionThe corporate propaganda paralyzes us with fearDestroying our ability to trustFear keeps us fighting with each other over scrapsStarving to death in the dustOrganized religion really helps you submitBut the meek are inheriting the short end of the stickFear surrounds compassion like a layer of moldAnd weakens our defenses so we’re too weak to be boldLife could be heaven, but this corrupted systemTakes away our rights, expects us not to miss themThe middle class is shrinking while the lower class growsIf we don’t wake up soon, we’ll have no class left to lose
Country music is Christians themselves criticizing the hypocritical Evangelical culture in the USA for the bullshit hatefulness stewing inside it:
Every house has got a Bible and a loaded gunWe got preachers and politicians‘Round here it’s kinda hard to tell which oneIs gonna do more talkin’ with a crooked tongue
And as that one post I just reblogged shows, there’s MANY queer country musicians out there producing explicitly pro-LGBTQ+ music.
I’m brushing over so much. I’m sorry for the simplification that goes with me doing such a pass-by overview. I’m sorry I’m focusing more on history than the present (I know more about the 1920s-1960s eras, so I’m talking from my strong suit). I hope the information is at least strong enough to get my point across.
There are definitely listeners and artists in country music who are uber-conservative white hateful Christians. Yes. I know why country music gets associated with that. But.
Country music is not ABOUT this uber-conservative white hateful Christian side. The genre is not “polluted”. It is a thousand voices from a thousand perspectives of people from many backgrounds and beliefs. And many of those thousand voices are old traditional songs that came from Black communities, or were composed by Mexican-Americans, or were performed by folk artists as part of a protest for equal rights.
(Note: I’m *NOT* saying all Christians are bad or that different political angles don’t have merits. I’m Christian myself! And you don’t know my political party. I’m just trying to get the point across that country music isn’t ENTRENCHED in one questionable demographic.)
You don’t have to like country music. It doesn’t have to be your aesthetic. But if you find it fun to get in on society’s popular country hate roasting… please rethink this. The reason country music has been hated from its roots is because it’s associated with the socioeconomically disadvantaged.
I’m with you 100%, Ashley. When someone says they like all genres “except country music and rap,” I get a little leery. I used to be one of those people when I was younger. I had to learn to grow past those biases. But once I did, I realized there was so much I was hating on that I didn’t understand. Now, I hope I can help people overcome their own biases, such as ones they don’t realize they’ve had - for things like music.
Hi ya’lls. I’m queer and I love country.
P.S. If anyone has anything to add or correct, please feel free to add on! I’m doing my best but I do not know everything and would be happy to learn more, too!
#ashleybenlove#long post#music#non-dragons#that banjo business#analysis#my analysis#music analysis#note that there's a version of this post where it's been reblogged and added on and I chat about Elvis and stuff#but the starting text is from an earlier version of this post#where I had a number of typos#XD I know they're there but I can't change those hahahahaha#I changed them here#reblog whichever version you desire though of course!#but just so you know there's a few minor factual typos in the non-edited version#I was hahaha so excited that I typed fast when I wrote it XD
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Are you familiar with Little Women? Is Beth INFP or ISFJ? I don't really see enough Ne or Fe. I'm wondering how to determine the aux when her life/dev was cut short. Is Amy ESFP or ENFJ? You've said that using the tert is more likely to lead to problems, but how to differentiate an impulsive kid or unhealthy Se? I don't know what Laurie is and I'd love to hear any thoughts of yours. Thanks
I haven’t read the book. I’ve watched the 1994 and 2019 film adaptations and read some literary commentary. I don’t know whether I’ve captured the true spirit of the characters in my mind yet.
The story is a period piece at this point, which means that context is very important for getting into the minds of the characters. That is, we should avoid projecting our current understanding about personality expression onto past eras. Theirs was a time when people, especially women, were not afforded the freedom that we have today to be oneself and pursue one’s own happiness. They were also quite limited in their exposure to the wider world, thus, new and diverse learning opportunities were rare and to be cherished. Despite being in financial hardship and difficult political times, I believe that the girls had a good moral upbringing. The fact that the girls eventually learned the right things to focus on in life is a credit to their mother’s strong and steady influence. Given this backdrop, I think there will be more examples of healthy than unhealthy function use. The girls are well-adjusted people.
Yes, it is more difficult to assess children, as they do not express the functions in typical adult fashion. Adults have the benefit of many years of feedback about their function use and they are more consistent in their function expression, whereas children are in their experimental phase and often misfire in their attempts to use a function. That is, there is a lot of “noisy” data to sort through when observing kids.
Beth
I’ve often seen words like “shy”, “pious”, and “industrious” used to characterize her. I don’t think introvert is in doubt. Her manner is reserved, she prefers to keep to herself, and she is self-motivated. I don’t think F is in doubt. She cares very deeply and her judgments/decisions are largely informed by her feelings.
Other than the expected imaginative play of all children, I don’t see any evidence of Ne, and she should be showing some significant signs at her age. Being P means being a prospector of information. She lacks the curious, exploring, and adventurous mindset of NPs. Shy and reserved INFPs still find ways to explore the world safely such that they feel brave in their own way (a great example that pops to mind is the character Amélie from the film of the same name). But Beth is perfectly content to close herself off from practically every opportunity to venture out into the world, and there were some very good opportunities presented to her that NPs typically wouldn’t be able to resist. She prefers that life is tightly structured around familiar people, routines, and comfort zones, where she is able to feel in control of her own realm. Of all the sisters, she seems to enjoy her routines the most, as she is most likely to perform her chores and duties without complaint or requiring admonishment. Dutiful, obedient, routine, and “industrious” behavior does not come naturally to INFPs (i.e. not without coercion of some kind), in fact, they tend to really struggle with it unless they are motivated by deep passion. Therefore, there’s compelling evidence that Si is the higher function.
One of the main arguments I’ve seen for INFP revolves around Beth’s strong moral beliefs. If every person with strong moral beliefs is Fi dom, the world would be overrun with them. Why is it that, of all the types, SFJs are known for being the best caregivers? Let’s not do them a disservice by downplaying the strong moral beliefs that FJs are also capable of. It’s more important to look at the source of the beliefs and how exactly they are expressed.
To me, the word “pious” invokes Si more than Fi. A pious person is a rule-abider at heart, someone who deeply respects tradition and ritualistic expressions of it. A pious person also faithfully corrects un-pious behavior, as a form of self-improvement. Challenging oneself to be “proper” (Si) is somewhat different than feeling “good” (Fi). I would argue that Beth’s morality comes from her sense of what is proper and “expected” of people, as picked up in very literal terms from her mother’s pithy advice. Beth is acutely aware of how her suffering might impact others and tries her best to put people at ease. She also never needs to be told twice and she doesn’t struggle with moral decisions in the way that her sisters do.
INFPs often feel conflicted when decision-making because they tend to be full-to-the-brim with conflicted feelings after having prospected too many Ne possibilities. Beth does not seem to suffer this common problem because she’s not just about following her feelings and she’s not as full of conflicted feelings as one would expect of INFPs (i.e. F is not dominant). She is naturally good at managing feelings and keeping them in check because her main approach to information is to structure it with rules and regulations. And purposely keeping her world very contained to the known and simple is a way of making doubly sure that the rules are never difficult to follow. Luckily for her, she lived during a time when it was still relatively easy to choose a small and simple life, away from the stressors of the world at large. She didn’t get to experience the weeds of developing Fe because she purposely kept life simple socially, and then she died before she was forced out into the real world.
Amy
Aside from the impulsiveness one would expect of children, I’m not sure I see other significant signs of Se dom. Fortunately, we do get to see her grow up, and the mature Amy doesn’t resemble ESFP.
One of the main differences that I look for between ESFPs and ENFJs is the degree to which they “think” about how to socialize and fit in. ENFJs approach socializing in a much more complicated way than ESFPs, for better and for worse. ENFJs are more “calculating” socially (for lack of a better word) because Fe relies on knowledge of social norms to achieve social acceptance. ESFPs tend to fit in more naturally by virtue of being themselves and showing off whatever obvious talents or good qualities they have. The more ESFPs “think” about how to socialize, the more they fumble socially, because they get further and further away from themselves (i.e. betrayal of Fi + poor use of Ni). The more carefully ENFJs think about how to socialize, the more they succeed at climbing the social ladder, because they are better able to abstract the essential rules for socializing well (i.e. good use of Fe + Ni).
As a result of this main difference in “complexity” of socializing, ENFJs tend to think/talk a lot more about fitting in (how to do it and how to behave the right way), whereas ESFPs tend to reject abstract talk about “how to” and prefer to “just do it”, since complexity only leads them astray. Notice how Amy gives Jo and Laurie unsolicited advice about how to be “better”, i.e., more acceptable. ESFPs aren’t likely to interfere with people like that because they don’t possess complicated “social worries” to project onto others.
Amy often gets obsessed about particular things that she believes are necessary for “moving up in the world”, such as: physical appearance, material possessions, matters of etiquette, impressing the right people, learning the right crafts, developing the right skills, and so on and so on. Moving up in the world seems to be her main character motivation AND she’s a natural at it. ESFPs, with the strength and conviction of healthy Fi, tend to dislike/resent the idea of social hierarchy, so it pains them a lot more to feel forced into participating in categorizing people along those lines, and, in the end, they will feel that social rewards are meaningless if obtained through betraying Fi. ENFJs are much more willing to play the long social game, even when they are aware that it’s all an act, because Fe benefits much more greatly than Se from the rewards of social status. In the end, Amy makes the correct decision to prioritize her well-being over the superficial trappings of social status (Fe+Ni well-balanced).
Laurie
I’m not sure about him, either, because he’s a supporting character and we aren’t privy to all of his motivations. Being rich affords him a carefree life, so his personality development is rather slow due to not being challenged to grow. I think he’s introverted as he’s modest and unassuming, not one to actively seek out attention, esteem, or glory. I think he’s P as he doesn’t seem to require any structure and is content amusing himself with whatever he likes moment to moment. He seems to scrape by just fine no matter where he is or what he’s doing, and he doesn’t aspire to much more than drifting along. However, I think his lack of aspiration isn’t a natural part of his personality but more a result of him being bogged down by unresolved heartbreaks. He feels somewhat alone in the world (family issues). He dreams of being with Jo but she refuses him. He dreams of being a musician but feels torn about disrespecting his benefactor. He dreams of various careers but lacks the talent.
What’s his main motivation? I think he would love nothing more than to devote himself wholeheartedly to the people he loves. He’s basically willing to accept any sort of life as long as he gets to be with his loved ones. This deep romanticism indicates F, and if also P, then Fi dom. His long and deep devotion to the IDEAL of being with Jo might indicate Ne. Later, he longs for the past and his childhood relationships with Jo and the girls, which might be an indication of Fi-Si loop. He has mythologized Jo, their past together, and the future they could’ve had. It takes both Jo and Amy to make him face facts. A running theme in the book is how women are expected to be proper for men (so as to be a good influence and/or not lead them astray), and the sisters saving Laurie from himself is a good example of that.
Observe how he sizes up the girls and the ways in which he tries to care for and protect them. One thing that he seems to value a lot is “authenticity” and he tends to call them out for inauthentic behavior throughout the years. He had a hand in Amy re-evaluating her priorities. In return, Amy taught him that "authenticity” is a privilege (as women didn’t have the freedom to be authentic) and he came to admire her ambition and tenacity. He seems to think that he’s good at sizing people up, but she’s on a different level. I think that he was impressed by her blunt assessment of his lifestyle, probably because he had never encountered that sort of tough love (aka honesty) before. It seems that he needed someone to be tough with him, which is common for INFPs. Jo was always the star of the show, too self-involved to encourage his growth. Amy opened up his mind, which he seemed to sorely need for moving forward (perhaps Ne resolution).
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From Planet Exo: Xiumin
Who are you?
Kim Minseok/Xiumin (Alien) x Reader (Human)
Alien Au Superpower AuGenre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Smut
Warning: Smut (first timers, so maybe you can call it somewhat fluff smut)/cussing
Note: It’s long, didn’t want to split it into parts, since this is already a side story to a series I am working on.
Summary: Xiumin otherwise known as Kim Minseok here on planet earth is not a human, but an alien as humans would call him if they knew what he was. He was from a planet named Exo and he wasn't just any normal alien, he like his brothers had his own special gift, he could make and control ice. His parents sent him and his brothers far away from there home when he was the mere age of 5 and unfortunately got separated from his brothers, but he knew it was for the best in order to avoid being found by the enemy. He had ended up in Washington, D.C. which was where he met you and he became fascinated with you immediately and determined to make you love him and accept him for who he was... one day.
July 2019
It was a hot summer day, everyone looked annoyed with the heat and they kept fanning their faces, but not Minseok, he was lucky he could discreetly use his power to keep himself fresh. "Sucks for them", he whispered to himself as he smirked and got into his car. He was headed back to work after a nice week off visiting his adoptive parents. He worked for NASA, not a coincidence, it had been instructions his parents relayed into his memory, so he could be aware of any problems from outer space that could put his brothers or him in danger. He really did enjoy his job though and well he was very smart making it easy to get the job. Today he was instructed that a group of new interns were going to need a limited tour, which meant keep an eye on them, to which he rolled his eyes. "I have more important things to be doing, I'm not a tour guide", he complained to Mr. Mills. "I know, but David is out today and the others will probably end up taking the interns into restricted areas on "accident", Mr. Mills replied and chuckled. "They were hired as tour guides, but can't even do the job they were hired for'', Minseok groaned as he heard a knock at the door. "Looks like they have arrived", Mr. Mills pointed to the door and Minseok shook his head, but headed to where the interns were.
As he got a view of the interns he noticed you immediately, something about you caught his eyes, it was like a magnet pulling him in. He was taken aback because he had never found himself wanting to look at a human girl, no woman would be the correct term for you, he had never been attracted to any woman before maybe because although he was raised as a human his blood and nature was not. He always thought that his mind and body were expecting a woman from his planet to be with, but at the moment he wasn't sure any more. The other interns nor you had noticed him yet and he was thankful because he was trying to admire your features, you were quite short, possibly 5'2 or 5'3, he wasn't too sure but he liked that your head would rest perfectly against his chest. He was taking this too far maybe, he didn't even know you, but he knew he wanted to. You looked so perfect, small enough for him to hold you and your face was immaculate in his eyes, you had pretty eyes with long eyelashes that touched your soft full looking cheeks when you blinked and small but pouty lips. Shit he thought he was already so fucked, until he heard you speak, then at that moment he realized how really fucked he was. "Hello, are you Mr. Kim", he heard you speak again, but only realizing that you had already asked him that. "Uhh, ye..yes I'm Kim Minseok", he stuttered and cleared his throat. "Oh we're the new interns, I'm Y/N", you replied with a smile and extended your hand out to him. Minseok could feel his palm sweat, something new to him, but he cooled it down immediately before he shook your hand and smiled back. He held onto your hand a little longer than you expected, so you raised your eyebrows at him and he let go immediately with a small sorry.
After everyone had presented themselves, Minseok led them to the places on the list that they would be using for their work and other interesting areas they could explore. He tried not to be distracted by you, but he would sneak glances at you and he loved how excited and happy you looked. He also liked that you were the one mostly asking questions because you had such a beautiful voice. The tour was coming to an end sooner than he wanted. Mr. Mills suddenly popped up to introduce himself and noticed that Minseok didn't look upset. "You liked the tour?", Mr. Mills asked the interns and you. "Yes'', you all replied. "Good, maybe I'll make Minseok do these tours more often", Mr. Mills replied, causing Minseok to glare at him. "Or not", Mr. Mills laughed and the interns along with you laughed also. Okay something was wrong Minseok thought to himself, he was liking you too much, your laugh had just made his stomach flip or feel butterflies however people described it. He didn't want to seem like a creep, but what the hell was pulling him towards you so much, damn it. Once Mr. Mills was gone, you thanked and said goodbye to Minseok, which looked a bit conflicted, but replied that it was his pleasure and a goodbye. You walked over to get your badge and necessary items from the front desk, since tomorrow would be your first day and then you were off to your apartment without realizing that Minseok was looking at you with sad eyes. The next day arrived and you felt nervous, but excited. You met the rest of your coworkers and even got to see Minseok and Mr. Mills around. By the time you knew it a month had passed since your first day and you felt comfortable with your coworkers, everyone was so nice, especially Minseok, he kept popping in to check on everything and always sent a warm smile. He was quite handsome and nice you realized as you saw him walking towards you. "Hi, Mr. Kim'', you greeted him with a smile. "Hi Miss YLN, please call me Minseok", he replied back. "Okay, but you call me Y/N then", you replied. "Will do", he replied with a smile. His smile was cute, you noticed and realized you like seeing him smile everyday at work.
Time was flying by, you had been working with him for 2 months now and Minseok didn't know how to ask if you wanted to get lunch or dinner with him. He would get quite nervous every time he wanted to ask you, but he didn't want to waste more time anymore, so today he decided today would be the day. "Hey, Y/N", he called out to you as he stood in front of your desk. "Oh hi Minseok", you looked up at him. "Umm I wanted to.. umm are you busy tomorrow since it's Saturday and it's our day off", he finally let out. You looked at him surprised but nodded your head no. "I wanted to know if you wanted to go get dinner with me tomorrow", he asked with expectant yet nervous looking eyes. Cute, you thought to yourself as you saw him shift his eyes nervously. "I would love that", you finally replied after what felt like an eternity to him. "Great, I will pick you up then at 7 tomorrow, how does that sound?", he asked. "Perfect", you answered with a smile. He nodded and smiled as he started to walk away. "Wait Minseok, you need my number, so I can give you my address for tomorrow", you said with a teasing tone. "Ahh, yes how dumb of me", he chuckled as you handed him your phone number on a piece of paper. The next day you were feeling quite nervous, Minseok had texted you for your address and some details about the date, well he didn't specify that it was a date, but why else would he ask you out for dinner and to a fancy restaurant at that, it must be date right you thought. You decide to wear a nice black dress not too fancy, but appropriate for the restaurant with some matching heels, you waved your hair, and wore some light makeup. You felt pretty, well at least you hoped he would think the same, you were quite bad at this, you never had dated someone, always concentrated on school and by the time you knew it you were at this point in life without any dating experiences. You had learned Minseok was 30 and probably very well experienced and you at 23 weren't experienced at all in anything why lie, so you hoped you wouldn't fuck it up today. You heard your doorbell ring taking you out of your thoughts and you headed over to open the door. As you opened it, you were taken aback with how much more handsome Minseok looked and he looked at you from head to toe making you feel a little uncertain about your look until he suddenly said, "You look beautiful". "Thank you", you replied and tried to hide your blushing face from him, but he saw and smiled. You both took off to the restaurant and enjoyed dinner together, you both spent dinner getting to know each other and you realized that you really enjoyed his company and hoped he enjoyed yours too. Over dinner you learned about his adoptive parents and he learned about your family. Minseok kept his siblings a secret telling you he was an only child and giving you information about his human life, but you didn't know he had secrets anyway, so you just thought you were getting to know who he really was. After dinner, you both went for a small walk at the park and then headed home, Minseok didn't want the night to end and why lie you didn't either, but it was getting late. He drove you home and walked you to your door. "Would you like to come in for something to drink '', you offered, but he smiled and replied a small "Thank you, but I'm okay, next time though". He knew it would be harder to leave if he went inside. You nodded and smiled. "I had a great time", he said. "Me too", you replied with a smile. "Well I should go''... "Drive safe Minseok'', you replied with a smile. As he left and you went into your apartment you hoped you would have more dates with him.
More dates did happen and you enjoyed every single one of them, you even lost count of how many dates you both had. You even learned that just like you Minseok had never dated, so it was all new ground for both of you and you loved being able to experience new things with him. Today Minseok had told you to dress casual and that he would pick you up at around 5pm. You got ready and he arrived for you on time like usual. Minseok had planned a picnic and the weather was so nice on this October day, you were extremely grateful for his thoughtfulness. As you both sat there after enjoying the food, Minseok suddenly grabbed both your hands causing you to look at him with a questioning gaze to which he just smiled. "Y/N", he said afterwards. "Yes?"... "You know I really like you, I love spending my days with you, you make me feel cared for", he told you. "You make me feel the same way Minseok and I like you too", you replied. "Will you be my girlfriend?"... "I would love that", you said happily as you threw your arms around him causing him to laugh, oh how much you loved his laugh. "Baby", he said as he unwrapped your arms from him. Oh, him calling you baby just melted you right then and there. "Hmm", you hummed shyly. Minseok looked you in the eyes and then proceeded to put his hands on each of your cheeks and leaned forward and by the time you realized what was going on you felt his lips on yours. They felt so soft and shit you didn't know how to kiss, this was your first kiss! Minseok felt you tense and wondered if he did wrong, but then remembered that it was your first kiss, so he pulled you in closer and moved his lips more until he felt you relax and follow his movements. Once he felt that you started feeling more comfortable he swiped his tongue on your bottom lip and felt your mouth part a little more and he inserted his tongue in proceeding to explore your mouth completely and even suck on your tongue causing you to let out a small sound that he would say sounded like a moan. You both separated from the kiss and your lips were quite swollen and your cheeks were so red that he found you so adorable. "I thought you had never kissed", you asked him. "That was my first kiss", he replied and pecked your lips. "Now that was my second", he chuckled.
July 2020
Months passed and Minseok was always surprising you, he was such an amazing boyfriend. You could honestly say you loved him and you hoped he loved you too. These past months the world had been hit with a pandemic and you had been getting so stressed about it and Minseok was always there for you for anything, even when you freaked out for the smallest things. Today you both had decided to have a movie night and you cooked dinner. Once dinner was done and you both sat on his sofa, he turned on the TV, the news popped up immediately showing all the bad weather and pandemic crisis going on and you sighed. "This year has been so scary", you said to Minseok and he nodded while changing it to the movie instead. "I mean what's next, an alien invasion?", you asked. You felt Minseok tense and he put the remote control down. "You think so", he then said. "Well I don't know, I mean would they come kill us or befriend us", you replied. Minseok knew either or could happen, he knew his people wouldn't harm them, but he knew there were others from the enemy planet that wouldn't even second guess killing everyone here on earth. "Do you believe they exist?", he asked. "Maybe, I mean you could be one, even your grumpy neighbor could be one", you shrugged and laughed. "Yeah we could be right", he said with a serious tone. "Min, I'm kidding, I mean like hello that's too much and if you were one you would've told me anyway" you laughed. "Y/N, I should tell, I think I should've told you a while back", he started to say. "Tell me what Min, you're acting weird", you interrupted. "I'm an Alien, I'm not human", he responded. "What are you talking about Min, you're so weird", you said and laughed. "I'm not kidding, and look what I can do", he said as he stood and started to form some ice in his hand. You stood immediately and looked at him with wide eyes. "This is a dream, right or a prank, that can't be real", you immediately said. "Baby, it's real, I should've told you sooner, but I am not human", he replied. "Then why didn't you tell me?", you asked, still doubtful and a bit freaked out about the situation. "For safety reasons and to not freak you out", he replied and walked towards you. You stepped back immediately and you saw a hurt expression form on his face. "Safety?, did you think I would tell others and I am freaking out now, I thought I knew you Min", you said. "I'm sorry baby, I do trust you, I meant safety for you not me, and please don't freak out, it's still me, your Min", he said with a desperate tone. "My Min.. huh? If you were my Min, you would've trusted me!", you responded. He reached for you, but you moved back again. "Look Minseok, if that's even your real name, I need time, I'm freaking out okay", you said. "Don't leave", Minseok begged. "I'll come back, Minseok we need to talk, I just need some air right now", you responded and headed to the door and left.
You got in your car and drove to the nearest park. You just needed some air to calm down, it's not like you would stop loving Minseok in a couple of minutes. Alien or not, you were just hurt he didn't trust you, you would tell him everything, every single thing and yet he left out something so huge. After 2 hours of sitting on a bench and taking some deep breaths, you headed back to his apartment. You couldn't bare imagining how sad he must be right now and you were right as soon as you entered his apartment he was sitting on the couch staring at the wall with dried up tears on his cheeks. He turned around to look at you once he realized you were next to him and let out a weak, "Baby you're here". "I am", you responded and sat next to him. "I'm so sorry", he said and sounded so sincere. "Tell me who you really are.." He told you his birth name was Xiumin, he was from planet Exo, he has the power to make and control ice, and he has been on earth since he was five due to enemies wanting to either experiment or kill him and his brothers because of their powers. Once he was done telling you more about what he vaguely remembered and what his parents implemented in his memory, you couldn't help, but realize you had been selfish to leave because he was the one suffering away from his real parents and home. You hugged him and he responded immediately and even picked you up onto his lap within a second like if you didn't weigh anything. "I'm also quite strong and have a lot of stamina", he said after seeing your shocked expression. You hummed and buried your face in his neck placing a small kiss there. "Xiumin", you decide to call him to try it out. He leaned back into the couch so he could see your face and you just stared back at him. "Say it again", he said. "Xiumin", you repeated. He leaned forward and captured your lips in a desperate kiss. He was usually soft, but right now his kisses were hot and desperate. After shoving his tongue into your mouth and sucking on your tongue like if it was his favorite candy, he broke the kiss to let you breathe. "I thought you were going to leave me, but now have you here sitting on my lap and calling me Xiumin is doing things to me", he breathed out against your lips. "What kind of things", you replied back.
You saw his eyes turn blue for a mere second and then become full of lust as he pulled you closer to him to where you could feel his bulge. "Oh", you moaned lowly and decided to grind yourself on him. The friction made you both moan simultaneously. "You sure you wanna be doing that'', he said with a low moan as you grinded against him again. "Well I heard you say you have good stamina", you teased. "Oh, I'll show you, but only if you are 100 percent sure baby", he said as he remembered that this would be the first time for both of you. You had just learned something major about Minseok and although it made you feel shocked, your love for him was stronger and you felt the same from him in the way he held you, kissed you, and looked at you, so you were sure that if today was the day you'd both get closer than ever, this was the moment to give yourself completely to him. "I'm sure, I even wore matching underwear and bra", you giggled trying to calm your nerves. You saw him smirk and then you were being lifted up and he headed to his bedroom. "I can't wait to see that'', he whispered in your ear and placed a small kiss below your ear afterwards. Minseok laid you down gently on his bed and then hovered over you as he started to place kisses on your face starting at your forehead to your nose, your cheeks, and finally your lips. His kisses were gentle and he seemed like he was trying to be careful with you, which you appreciated because this was something you had never done before, but you also wanted him to touch you more. "Touch me please", you begged as you broke the kiss. "Of course baby", he said and kissed you again as he ran his hand over your body tracing from your neck down to your waist where he lightly squeezed and lifted your shirt up to feel the skin of your stomach. "You're so soft", he whispered against your lips and sat up slightly with both knees on either side of you and started to lift your shirt. You lifted yourself up slightly so he could slide your shirt off and once he did he pushed you back down and started placing kisses on your neck, collarbones, and chest. "Min more please you're going too slow", you slightly moaned as he sucked slightly on top of your breasts. "I want to take my time with you baby", he chuckled causing you to whine. "Let me take care of you..hmm trust me", he whispered in your ear as he reached behind you to unhook your bra.
Once he removed your bra completely he couldn't help but groan, "You're beautiful baby". You blushed and started to cover yourself with your arms, but Minseok pushed them away and pinned them next to your head. "Let me see you and touch you like you begged", he said as he wrapped his mouth around your breast and used his other hand to massage the other. His hands were usually cold, so you were accustomed to them, but his mouth felt even colder and it made you gasp once you felt it wrap around your nipple. "That feels so good", you moaned as he swirled his tongue. He switched to the other and continued to squeeze and suck. "Take your shirt off", you whined as you tried to pull it up. He sat up and pulled it off, tossing it across the room and you admired his firm chest, abs, and his arms, he was fit and you wanted to feel his skin on you. You pulled him forward and felt bliss when his skin came into contact with yours, since he was always somewhat cold to the touch, his cold skin against your hot skin felt so good. Minseok reached his hands down to unbutton of shorts and as he dragged them down with your underwear in one go. "Fuck, how are you so perfect", he said as he looked at you from your eyes down to your core which was wet and ready for him. He swiped his index finger through your lips and tapped your clit making you buck up at the sudden touch. "So wet baby", he groaned as he held your hips and continued to swipe two fingers up and down now and rub your clit in circles with his thumb. "You like that?", he questioned as you continued to moan. "Yes your fingers feel so good", you moaned out. Suddenly you felt him prodding your entrance with his finger and you tensed. "Relax", he said as he placed a kiss on your inner thigh and then on your clit causing you to relax like he said. He continued to prod your entrance and eventually slowly pushed his finger in. "Shit", you moaned at the sudden intrusion that felt weird, but good. Minseok slowly started to thrust his finger in and out slowly and suddenly you felt him add a second finger, it was making you so wet and when he added his tongue on your clit, you felt your body on fire. "How are you so good?", you whimpered in pleasure. "Umm I read about it..", he chuckled. "Wow, you read about it, that's random", you answered with amusement. "Well I wanted to be ready to make you feel good baby", he said and went back to swirling his tongue on your clit and pumping his fingers faster bringing that knot feeling in your stomach to increase. As he continued, he could feel your body slowly starting to tremble and he added a third finger. "Xiumun, Min, Minseok fuck", he heard you moan as you finally orgasmed and started trembling in his hold. He removed his fingers and started using his tongue to probe your entrance and clean up your cum.
He felt you tap him on the shoulder and he lifted his face away from your core and up to place a deep kiss on your lips, you sucked on his tongue and could taste yourself. "That was amazing", you breathed out as you both parted from the kiss. "That was only the beginning", he said with a smirk and started kissing you again. You reached for the button on his jeans and once you succeeded you reached in to stroke him over his boxers. "Baby", he moaned against your lips as he bucked into your hand. Minseok felt big and you felt like he probably wouldn't fit easily, but you trusted him. You started to push his jeans and boxers down and he pulled himself off you to push them off completely. You saw his member spring up and slap against his stomach, he was big like you felt and thick. His member look so hard and it was leaking precum at the tip. You felt yourself getting nervous, but mostly wet again and you wanted to feel it. You sat up and reached for his member, it was quite big in your hand, but Minseok seemed to enjoy your touch by the way he whimpered. You started to stroke it tentatively and as you saw his mouth gaping and his eyes roll back, you knew you were doing good, so you increased your pace a tad bit more. More precum started to leak and you wanted to taste it, so you licked the slit on his tip. "Damn.. baby wait", Minseok moaned pulling you away from his member. You looked up at him and he pushed you on your back while climbing over you. "I need a condom", he said and moved back up. "I'm using the pill", you said and pulled him back onto you. "Wait will that work with your cum?", you asked since he wasn't human. Minseok let out a laugh and nodded a yes. "Okay proceed", you responded shyly. "Oh, you're so cute", he said adoringly and pecked your lips. Minseok positioned himself at your entrance and rubbed himself up to your clit and back down to spread his precum and get you prepared. He then proceeded to put his tip in slowly causing you to whimper. It was definitely a foreign feeling more than his fingers had felt earlier. He continued to push in slowly as he asked if you were okay. You nodded, but still whimpered in slight pain as you felt him stretching you out slowly. He stopped again and caressed your face before he continued to push further in. He suddenly stopped moving completely and you could feel him in so deep and your walls pulsating around the foreign object. "Let's wait until you accommodate and tell me when you are ready", he said. "Okay", you replied trying to hide the slight pain in your voice. Minseok started to place kisses on your lips and then your neck. He rubbed his fingers soothingly on your hips and waited patiently for you to adjust. As you felt the pain subduing into pleasure you told him to move. "Are you sure?", he questioned. "Yes Min please move", you replied. He started to pull out slowly and push back in. He kept the pace slow as he listened to your whimpers turn into moans. As you continued to moan, he started to make his thrust longer and deeper. "Faster please", you moaned. He started thrusting a tad bit faster and your moans confirmed that you were feeling good, so he picked up his pace even more. As he thrusted in and out he could feel your walls pulling and pushing around him causing him to moan. "You're so tight", he groaned. He continued to thrust in and out, but at one particular thrust he heard you moan louder. He had hit your sweet spot. "I found it", he smirked as he kept thrusting and hitting the same spot over and over again. You felt your toes curl and you couldn't hold back from moaning out his name loudly, you didn't even care if his neighbors heard you. "Please don't stop", you begged. "I wouldn't even dream about stopping", he replied. You felt him rub your clit as he continued to thrust faster and faster. The knot in your stomach started to form again, but this time it felt bigger than the first. "You're doing so well baby, taking me in so good, I want to feel your tight walls trembling against me, hear you moaning out my name, and for you to look me in the eyes as you cum", Minseok moaned as he kissed your lips. "You're going to be a good girl and cum for me right?", he asked. "Yes, yes please I want to cum", you moaned. He increased his rubbing on your clit and his thrusts grew faster than you thought possible. Your toes continued to curl, your legs started to tremble, and the knot finally broke and your orgasm hit you like a train, hard and heavy. You tried to keep eye contact with him, but your eyes closed in pleasure and you continued to moan his name like a chant as he thrusted in and out, helping you ride out your orgasm while chasing his. As you felt his thrust become sloppy, you tightened your walls even more until you felt his cum shooting deep into you. He stopped thrusting as his cum filled you up and you felt him tremble slightly and saw his face contorted in pleasure while he moaned out your name.
As you both came down from your highs, Minseok stayed inside you and laid carefully on you while trying not to squish you. You wrapped your arms around him and rubbed his back as he laid his head on your chest. "Are you okay?", he questioned as he looked up at you. "More than okay, my alien boyfriend just satisfied me so well", you replied with a wink. He laughed as he slowly slid out of you and got up to the restroom to clean himself up. He came back with a warm towel and started to clean you up slowly, but you still flinched slightly at the touch. He threw the towel in the laundry bag and then laid back down next to and wrapped his arms around you while you snuggled against his chest. "Y/N", he said. "Yes Min?", you responded. "I love you", he said as he placed a kiss on your forehead. "I love you too Min", you replied and placed a kiss right above his heart. His hold tightened against you as he told you to get some sleep. You relaxed against him and listened to his heart beat. He ended up sleeping before you and you started thinking how today had been a surprising day, you found out aliens did exist and as a matter of fact your boyfriend was one and he had a superpower. You had definitely freaked out, but that didn't last too long, because alien or not you loved Minseok. He meant the world to you and you'd do anything for him. You had given him your heart and now your body, you were his completely and you were going to stay by his side no matter what. His secret was safe with you even if his enemy came to torture you for his whereabouts you'd never say anything. To them you were a weak human, but your love for him was stronger than anything. You were ready to face anything with him and for him, your boyfriend from Exo planet. You heard a phone notification ring and you reached out for the phone without waking Minseok up. You realized it was his phone, but the message on the screen made your hands tremble as you read it.
"Xiumin hide, they know we're on Earth -Suho"
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Top 6 Kinoverse ships
This is quite an unexpected post from here don’t you think? Well don’t worry, you’re not the only one to think so.
Usually, at least for me, Ships have always been a secondary priority on this blog so I never really put as much focus on them as some others normally would, however, I feel as though they are important enough in their own right, especially when some of the more interesting storylines of certain characters have been built up as a result of the ships that are currently here, or are in deveopment, which makes one better appreciate them overall.
Today, we’re going to be taking a look at 6 of the ships I am fond of, or have been more prominent than some others. Some ships may not have the characters officially together yet, but will lean heavily towards that direction as their story progresses.
6. Rosalia x Bowen ( @tetsuwan-atom )
One of the earliest ships to be made in the Kinoverse, we have a powerful sorceress who can travel to most any place in the Multi-Universe and a guy who pretty much does the same thing for a science based organization. Since Raildex is the main setting for the Kinoverse, I like the fact that we have two people on the opposite ends of the spectrum, (that being Magic and Science) get along so well. Truly, these two embody the phrase, “When Sicence and Magic Cross Paths, a Story is Born!”
Admittedly, my musing for Rose has been low as of late, hence why she doesn’t make that many appearances as much as she used to, and I’m still trying to figure out her own backstory and whatnot, but when she does appear, I truly enjoy the interactions she has with Bowen, and mostly how he reveres her like she’s a queen lol. And who can blame him? She’s got the looks, she has the charisma, (something I wanted to explore a bit in the “Genesis Timeline” but I digress), and she also has a Childish side to her, which comes in the forms of the pranks she pulls on others, mainly Kamijou for some reason. Overall, I hope that there are more interactions between them in the future that is to come! These two are dimension hoppers and lovers, so there’s plenty of things to do as far as spin off stories are concerned!
5. Shido x Sayo ( @crystalmelodies )
This one is another favorite of mine, solely because of how Shido is basically attached to her. When I think about it, Shido has had the most dramatic changes in his character thus far, from being Aogami Pierce 2.0 to becoming someone more rigid, Shido has finally found someone that he genuinely cares for and will do anything to protect, he went through great lengths to save Sayo when she was fated to disappear as an angel and ever since then he’s become protective of her. In some occasions, whenever Sayo is gone for an extended period of time, he goes into worried dad mode/edgy mode and looks all over for her, only to feel totally silly when she returns and is fine, which i hilarious and kind of sad when looking at it more deeply.
Sayo is basically the only person in his life that he has at the moment, and there in lies a fear of, “what if she vanishes again” and that fear of losing her in one way or another is always in the back of his head. It’s also why he’s gone off the deep end as of late with something else that’s influencing him (but we will see how that goes if that becomes a future arc). Overall, their interactions are very wholesome when they do happen and its nice to see both of then happy together. Now we just need Shido to get snapped out of his dark lord phase so we can have more happy moments with theeeemmmmmm!
4. Touma x Lucia (crystalmelodies)
Another ship I am interested in seeing, even though the two have not gotten together, let alone confessed to each other, is Kamijou Touma & Nanami Lucia.
Here we have Kamijou Touma, the guy who has met an untold number of girls in his adventures from all walks of life, as per the “Kami-Yan disease” that his classmates call it, with a girl who seems as ordinary as they come, though in reality that isn’t the case. So what’s noteworthy about this particular pairing?
Well, a few reasons, but mainly its the fact that at first glance, Lucia is an ordinary girl that lives in a quiet seaside town devoid of crazy technology, and Espers that the metropolis known as Academy City has, so I’m quite fond of the idea of “An Average High School Boy You can Find Anywhere” being paired with a person that’s “An Average Girl You can Find Anywhere” that the two seem to represent. Not only that, but they both get along quite well and there has been hints, at least on Kamijou’s end that he has somewhat of an interest in her.
From Kamijou’s point of view, she differs from the other girls that he is antiquated with in the fact that she’s one of the very few people that doesn’t appear to react Violently whenever he gets thrown into a misfortune event. She also differs from the others in the fact that she is a “regular person” whereas the other girls have been everything from Espers, to Magicians, to Saints (Superhuman Magicians), and even Gods themselves, so the fact that he has met someone who not only tolerates his misfortune, but appears to be so far removed from the crazy sides of the world that he’s been constantly thrown into.
of course, we know that Lucia is not an ordinary human; she’s a Mermaid, a Princess, and a Magical Girl? It would be interesting to see how Kamijou reacts to finding out that not only is she all of these, but her circle of friends are as well and related. Overall, even if he found out about that, he wouldn’t see her any differently than he already does - because he would still see her as his friend, even if she were a Goddess. If she was in trouble or sad, he would definitely come running to her side.
On a side note, in the Genesis Timeline, he also showed interest in her Mermaid Persona, something that is also true for the Rebirth Timeline, so it will also be interesting to see how he reacts to finding out that Human Lucia and Mermaid Lucia are the same entity. For the time being though, this will be somewhat of a slow burner as Kamijou plans to wake her up from her coma as well as deal with his internal issues regarding his self worth, the identity crisis he has as a result of the destruction of his memories from Index OT 1, and the PTSD he has from being killed by Othinus to damn near infinity. These two will certainly be in for quite a ride as time goes on.
3. Zarama/Zelreich x Artemis ( @averageisms )
When Zarama was conceived as the primary Antagonist for the second half of the Genesis Timeline, he was originally going to be this power hungry tyrant that saw the universes and everyone within it as his servants, however, as I began to develop him further and better develop his motives, he eventually became a complex character that could be a villain that you can both hate and somewhat sympathize, given the back story that I had originally given him and what he was trying to do overall throughout Genesis Order. He was one of the characters I least expected to become shipped with someone, yet here we are, with it becoming among the top 3 ships I have.
There’s something about this particular pairing that has me coming back to it every time. It’s interesting to see how this powerful being who is so far removed from humanity, has taken an interest in the most human/average person you can find out there, which makes this reminiscent of something you would see in a Disney film or some supernatural drama. In the old timeline, Zarama’s attachment to Artemis mostly comes from the fact that he has been around beings who were so far removed from humanity for eons upon eons, that meeting someone who was normal was a breath of fresh air for him - someone who was uncorrupted by the supernatural and just wanted to have someone to come back home to.
In the rebirth timeline, Zarama is decidedly different as a character overall, as while he is not really a god like he was before, but rather a curious immortal that travels the Multi-Universe to study abstract concepts like The Essence and Bio-Energy as well as various magics. His attachment to her stems from the fact that for ages, he has wanted a companion that would remain at his side, as he knows the pain of isolation that his immortality brings and he feels a similar loneliness inside of her for different reasons. Yet he’s made an oath that he would never abandon her in the same way others have abandoned her.
This iteration of Zarama hasn’t gone down the dark path that his Genesis Timeline counterpart went through and doesn’t have some grand plan to save all of creation. He’s instead more focused on his research as well as just being with Artemis, as he sees her as the one his heart has been seeking for a very long time. Overall, I enjoy the interactions they both have and I can’t wait to see how this pairing further develops.
2. Makoto x Grete ( crystalmelodies )
At number 2, we have one of the more newer pairings in the form of Makoto and Grete.
This one is interesting because of how far we were willing to see Makoto go in order to ensure her happiness and safety. Ever since he saw that vision of her during the first week of their meeting, an attatchment has been formed between them, with Makoto wanting give her the happiness that had been stolen from her. Even though he was a bit caught off guard when she practically confessed to him, Makoto’s feelings for Grete wasnt fully realized until he was taken away to Academy City, where he came to realize that he had indeed developed some sort of feelings for her.
Although it wasn’t written, during Makoto’s final moments in Academy City, we would have seen him face off against Kamijou Touma and how he was willing to become a reprehensible person in order to ensure his future with Grete, which would have been interesting given how Grete is practically similar in that regard. Kamijou would have given him the question of if Grete would really be proud of the things he was doing in her name, asking that would she really be content with smiling by his side, knowing that he had hurt people along the way, which causes his resolve to waver a bit. Makoto would then go onto say that as long as MINUS has their hooks on them, then he had no choice but to be a villain. What would have transpired next would be Kamijou declaring that he will save Makoto from this darkness and return him to Grete’s side, and he would do so by destroying the Illusions that he was holding onto.
After that grueling fist fight, Kamijou would carry Makoto over to Academy City’s warehouse district where he would have Rosalia and her maid take him out the city and return him to the life he was take whisked away from, giving him a new found hope and resolve to being at Grete’s side. Now Makoto has to deal with the aftermath of his disappearance, and that means he will be staying by her side even more and to make sure that he never suddenly vanishes from her life like that again.
I really like this pairing, and I hope to see this develop more and see where it goes, because the story behind it, from his Makoto’s Precognition Ability, to his defeat and salvation at the hands of Kamijou Touma, and the possibility that Makoto and Grete may be long lost childhood friends, as it has been hinted at at least twice before!
1. Accelerator x Violent Violet ( @xbloodsoakedx )
I think we know by now this was obvious. After all, it is the most popular pairing in the Kinoverse so far, and the most active.
Initially, I wasn't that crazy about it due to a myriad of factors, both in-universe and out of universe that had my mind not in the right place, however as time grew I grew to appreciate this pairing and the wildness that comes with it. Accelerator was one of the muses who I least expected to get paired with someone due to his personality, but surprisingly, he and Violet complement each other quite well. You have two of the strongest people in the verse who have gone through some similar things in their past, mainly how they were experimented on to become the powerhouses that they are now today.
Although Accelerator isn’t keen on showing affection most of the time, he definitely cares about her and came to realize just how much she has changed his life, similar to Last Order. He sees her as more than just a lover, he sees her as part of his “family” whether or not he would openly admit such. We see this in how he reacts to Violet vanishing for a week during the Shura Arc and how determined he becomes to save her from the darkness that she was pulled into. You also have the fact that this came after Last Order had been kidnapped herself, so Accelerator at this point is tired of people targeting everyone that was close to him, a development we will see as the story moves forward with his desire of wanting to protect that family of his, be it Last Order, Violet, the two older women who are his “guardians” Worst, and the MISAKA Network Clones.
Something that’s also noticeable in Accelerators casual interactions with Violet is how he can be such a tsundere, in that Violet likes to cuddle and kiss him, yet despite looking displeased, he lets her do what she wants, similar to how he lets Last Order pester him. I think Violet and Last Order are the only ones who can get away with calling Accelerator a Tsundere lol
Ultimately, It’s thanks to this connection she has formed with Accelerator that she has blended into the city of bizarre science so well. Last Order was not initially fond of Violet, believing her to be a bad influence on Accelerator but that quickly changed and is now attached to her as she is to Accelerator, while Worst, Yoshikowa and Yomikowa were genuinely welcoming of her presence for differing reasons, but all can agree that they can tease Accelerator about Violet whenever the moment arises.
In the Genesis Timeline, Violet became a celebrity of sorts in Academy City, and you can expect the same thing to happen in the Rebirth Timeline, with many people taking an interest in her for varying reasons. Overall, this is certainly a pairing you want to keep your eyes on as the story progresses.
That also reminds me, two of the Three heroes are now in relation ships. Hamazura Shiage is with Takitsubo Rikou and Accelerator is with Violet, leaving Touma to have to contend with being single yet also having the world’s largest harem while being totally unaware of it. This can change though...once he wakes up a certain mermaid lol
And there you have it. 6 ships I enjoy in the Kinoverse. There may be others that I missed or neglected to include, but these are the main ones that have been on my mind when it comes to this topic. Will there be more? Possibly in the future, but for now, this is it!
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PatB: Nova Ch 2
Insert funny one-liner here. Cause I can’t think of anything.
Ch 2: Space Cadet
New Selenian Date 3015.3.12
Terran satellite conversations are useless drivel! Nothing but pomp and circumstance about trivial subjects that don’t help us plan our global domination! All this curiosity about planets and star systems beyond your own, yet you actively sabotage your own progress in space exploration! Hypocritical morons. When Snowball and I rule Terra, we shall usher in an age of science and rationality, because you obviously cannot be trusted to run your own planet without blowing it up several times over! Why, you have less intelligence in your collective brains than I have in my pinky!
Alright. Just inhale…exhale. Inhale...exhale.
I needed that tirade. Progress on the Conquistador has slowed and is approaching an impasse of the highest caliber. The outside paneling requires special attention and shielding because we do not wish to burn upon entering Terra’s atmosphere. However, the thermal protective system we’ll be developing will likely be rudimentary at best, fatal at worst due to lack of top of the line equipment. The Selenians managed to conserve enough fuel in their ships to leave the colony and presumably return to their original planet, with the exception of one ill-fated vessel which experienced a malfunction when they first arrived on New Selene.
I have no choice but to visit the crash site of that particular ship with Snowball. If fortune is on our side, we’ll have a ragged version of the paneling we need, but…I will be in close contact with the electrical firing of Snowball’s neurons. An unfortunate side effect of my genetic enhancement from a mos’s natural inclination to electricity. The distance from Penumbra doesn’t help matters either.
Ah…I’ll cut this transmission off here. Snowball’s calling in, for once.
Signing off for now, the Brain.
o-o-o-o-o
“He called my name,” the mouse whispered, awestruck by the deep voice that crackled through the chipped Walkman radio. He rolled his skinny tail between his paws, joyful tears swimming in his vision and making everything blurry-whirly. “He said my name!”
He had many names alright. From Gouda to Zort to No, We Don’t Know Why That Subject Says Narf. From what he remembered of his parents and Sis, they called him Chchchrree mixed with sniffy noises. It was hard to say for everyone else though, even him. It was the sniffing part, really. It tripped everyone up.
But none of his names fit him quite like Pinky.
Oh, he was being rude, wasn’t he? He may be a sliced gene lab mouse, but he was a sliced gene lab mouse with manners!
The newly named Pinky fiddled with the slider on the Walkman. There were a lot of numbers, and he didn’t know which one let his voice through, so he eeny-meeny-miney-moed between all of them until his finger landed on 92.
92 was a good number. Nice, funny, and a pretty figure.
“Haha, narf! Hello, the Brain!” Pinky laughed into the Walkman. “I know you’re probably busy with the Conquesowhatsit, so you can just listen to this whenever you’re free! Anyway, I’m Pinky and I’ve been listening to your messages for months! And you said my name just now! It made me so happy I cried!”
Nothing but crackling static answered. A click came from the hallway, the aircon kicking in and blowing a cool wind through the lab. Machinery hummed, screens flickered, squeaks from other mice echoed.
Pinky waited. He would wait however long he needed to. The voice would reply, he was sure of it.
“Brain, is it…is it lonely up there?” Pinky asked. He was very bad at the waiting game. He lost to himself every time. “You sound sad. And grumpy. Grumpy-sad, even. What makes you happy? The stars? I’m happy looking at the twinkly stars. They must be even prettier from space.”
Pinky waved at the gorgeous night sky. Countless stars and a silver moon to watch over them all. Pinky loved having a cage with such a view. The Brain might have a big telly-scope he could see Terra with! Terra, a lovely name for a lovely world! And to think Pinky had been calling it Earth like a silly-billy goat gruff.
Though the Brain might not be able to see him…he was practically the size of a mouse after all. Unless Pinky climbed to the highest point of the Great Mall of China! Everyone knew the Great Mall of China could be seen from space! And he could eat yummy dumplings there too!
Pinky twiddled his thumbs. He shouldn’t keep the Brain away from his super important work much longer. “Tell Snowball I said hi, okay? And thank you for the name. Same time again tomorrow night, right? Good night, the Brain. Sleep tight and don’t let the spacebugs bite. Cause then it gets itchy. Poit.”
There was no answer. There wasn’t usually. Maybe the Brain was shy. It was okay though. He was probably saying good night too, in his own grumpy shy way.
Pinky turned off the Walkman and yawned, stretching his arms above his head. Then he slipped back into his cage, the bars spaced wide enough for him to slink through. He was still working on opening the cage door. TV always made escaping cages look so easy.
His straw bed was bathed in a patch of silver moonbeams tonight. That was good. Light always helped him sleep easier. Pinky flopped into the straw and pulled Mr. Button close, like his parents had done for him and Sis when they were babies. Mr. Button was hard, round, and green, but he was still a good cuddle buddy.
He had a big day of wheel running, maze running, and running to Pharfignewton’s stable tomorrow. Best to get some shuteye now and be bright-eyed and floppy-tailed tomorrow. He fell asleep with Mr. Button cradled loosely in his paws, dreaming of a land filled with delicious cheese.
o-o-o-o-o
Pinky ran on his wheel for his pre-breakfast exercise, finished off the remaining food pellets in his bowl, and even squeezed in a little pampering time before he was scooped up by the tail and dropped into a maze.
It was routine, and how he loved all sorts of routines! Bonking into walls nose-first was always fun, especially when he saw dizzy circling stars until he fell over like a limp noodle. Of course, he never could finish a maze, which made many of the humans puzzled and confuzzled while they scratched their heads and snapped pictures with their smartphones.
Mazes were hard. If he bounced high enough and clung to the wall like a Spidermouse, he could see the yummy cheese at the very end, but he wasn’t very good at getting there. He even tried the summoning spell he’d seen in one of the Harry Potter movies so the cheese would come to him instead, but his comes-and-goes telephonetic magic skills didn’t help him either.
The day passed like normal. Get lost in maze, lunch break, try another maze until he got more lost than the people stuck on an island in that one very confusing show, until he was finally brought back to his cage before the lab closed for the day.
Today, the lab had closed in the mid-afternoon, the sun still shining brightly in a pretty blue sky. Pinky could spend several glorious hours with Pharfignewton before the Brain’s nightly message over the Walkman.
Pinky squeezed through the cage bars, taking a flying leap off the counter and landing belly-down on the squishy seat of a spinning chair. He giggled as the chair slid back and spun a little, then dusted himself off and bowed to an invisible crowd. He’d been improving his landings lately. One of these days he’d definitely perfect his swan dive!
He jumped down to the floor and ran into the kitchen, wrinkling his nose at the bitter scent of leftover coffee in the pot. He’d always been a tea sort of mouse himself. Grabbing hold of the cherry-print towel that hung on the handle of the refrigerator, he counted to three (he probably put too many Mississippi’s between one and two again) and hauled himself up. All those upper body strength videos were coming in handy.
Pinky balanced himself on a thin sliver of handle and the fridge door, then shoved his feet against the handle and stretched himself as far as he could.
“Narf! C’mon, Pinky!” he wheezed, feeling the strain of his tummy and leg muscles. “It’s not bagel warmer science!”
He took a quick breather and gave one final shove. The door opened with a pop and Pinky lost his balance, landing somewhat painfully on the cold bottom of the fridge.
“Just like Iceland in here! Or was that the green one?” Pinky said, picking himself up from the floor and pushing the fridge door open all the way. He didn’t want to be locked in again. Besides, he’d promised Pharfignewton he’d come by today. He’d feel really awful if he broke his promise. “Now if I were a horse, what would I like to eat?”
Pharfignewton couldn’t eat cheese. Something about her tummy being intolerant. It was a little rude of her tummy to be honest, though she’d definitely eat cheese if she could.
Pinky peeked into each drawer, searched through every condiment bottle, but none really caught his eye as something he could bring along.
The leftover club sandwich wasn’t vegetarian. Condiment bottles wouldn’t fit through the mail slot.
Pinky found a box half-filled with sugar lumps, but Pharfignewton was very insistent on watching her figure in preparation for the Kentucky Derby in two months.
And then he spotted a celery snack pack with peanut butter dip on the topmost shelf.
“Egad, that’s perfect!” Pinky exclaimed, shimmying up to the snack pack. He pushed a red Jell-o cup aside and snagged his prize, hugging it to his chest. The only way to make it even tastier was to find raisins so they could make ants on a log, which didn’t look like real ants on real logs at all.
With the snack pack in hand, he hurried to meet Pharfignewton.
o-o-o-o-o
Pharfignewton galloped through the field, her gray mane flowing behind her like a beautiful river. No matter how many times he’d seen her practice, it never failed to amaze him. Her hooves flew like the breeze, her sky blue eyes shining in determination as she pushed herself a little further every day.
Pinky pulled himself up the fence’s wooden boards, kneeling on the flat surfaces and hauling the snack pack up with him. Once he made it to the top of a wide fencepost, he opened the pack and scooped one end of a celery stick into the peanut butter, then waved the coated end in the air.
“AND THERE SHE GOES! IS SHE A BIRD? IS SHE A PLANE? NO, SIRREE BOB! SHE’S PHARFIGNEWTON, THE BEST AND FASTEST RACEHORSE IN THE WORLD!” Pinky shouted, waving the celery stick like a flag.
Pharfignewton whinnied loudly, pouring on the speed as she galloped through a space between two trees and slowed to a brisk trot until she reached Pinky. She swept out a hoof and bowed to an invisible camera, her tail flicking happily.
“Hi, Figgy Pudding! You look amazing out there! Guess what? The Brain gave me a name! I’m Pinky now! Actually, I’m Pinky. He never said Pinkynow, did he?” Pinky grinned, holding the celery stick up to her muzzle. Pharfignewton neighed in delight, and it didn’t take long before all the celery sticks and peanut butter were gone. Practicing always made her work up an appetite.
Pinky licked up the remaining peanut butter, swiping his tongue along his mouth for the lingering peanut-y taste. Then he climbed onto Pharfignewton’s muzzle, her eyes sparkling as she tossed him into the air. Pinky threw out his arms, laughing and sliding down her long neck. He came to a stop at the base of her mane, then flipped himself over and gave her a ginormous hug.
Pharfignewton craned her neck, a blocky smile stretching her muzzle before suddenly rearing up on her hind legs and whinnying triumphantly.
“Zort!” Pinky cried, grabbing fistfuls of her mane to stop himself from falling off. Pharfignewton took off like a firecracker, and Pinky’s body lifted off her neck completely. “Hi-ho, Pharfignewton! Yippie-ki-yay!”
The ground and sky blurred together in a swirl of mashed colors, and the nearby stables were nothing more than thin brown lines in the corner of Pinky’s eye.
“The pack, Fig!” Pinky yelled. “We’ve gotta keep the environment clean!”
Pharfignewton raced by the fencepost, snatching up the plastic lining of the snack pack in her teeth and dropping it into the garbage bin by the stables. “Whoo! Nice and tight turn there!” Pinky said, leaning forward and planting his feet against Pharfignewton’s back to keep his balance. “You’re gonna win the Derby for sure!”
Pharfignewton neighed, leaping over a fallen branch with room to spare.
“Right, and then onto the Triple Crown! Live your dream, Pharfignewton! Live your dream!” Pinky shouted above the roar of the wind.
o-o-o-o-o
Pharfignewton’s owner, a friendly looking fellow with a big bushy beard, called for her as the sun went down. Though Pharfignewton was tired out from all her running, she eagerly trotted over to her owner and accepted a pat on the nose and a carrot. Pinky buried himself in her mane and pretended to be a tiny horse with pretty hair while the owner refilled her feed bucket and penned her in the stall for the night.
Once he was gone, Pinky sat on a wooden post next to Pharfignewton’s head, kicking his feet in the air while she ate her dinner.
“Camptown ladies sing this song! Doo-dah! Doo-dah!” Pinky sang, twirling a long piece of hay in the air as his baton. He pointed the hay at Pharfignewton, who paused in her meal and neighed out the next lyric. “Oh, that was gorgeous! You’re gonna be a real crowd-pleaser at the Derby!”
At the mention of the Derby, Pharfignewton stopped eating completely and rested her muzzle in the space next to Pinky. She nickered, ears pinning against her head. Pinky rubbed his nose against hers, smiling so she wouldn’t worry as much.
“I’ll be alright, Fig,” Pinky whispered. “The Triple Crown’s been your dream since fillyhood. You should go for it. Don’t worry about silly ol’ me.”
Pharfignewton tossed her head back and whinnied, her hoof scraping against the dirt floor.
“I’ll see you off when you leave,” Pinky said. “And watch you on TV. I’ll cheer so loudly you’ll hear me all the way in Kentucky! That’s a promise! A Pinky promise!”
He placed both pinky fingers on Pharfignewton’s muzzle so she could have one as well. He knew she was still worried though. And it was nice to know she cared, but really, he’d be alright in the lab. He had his wheel, food pellets, and the dusty VCR that ACME hadn’t gotten around to replacing yet.
“Poit. The Brain’s message is gonna be coming in soon,” Pinky said. “I’d best get back to the lab. Really wish you could listen him too, but the Walkman won’t fit through the mail slot. I already tried.”
Pharfignewton let him cling to one nostril as she gently lowered him to the stable floor. Pinky gave her muzzle one last broad stroke before setting off, waving goodbye until the stable was out of sight.
The moon rose, the first twinkling stars of the night coming out to play.
“I think you’d like her, the Brain,” Pinky said to the sky. “She’s amazing.”
But he spent too long admiring the stars and missed the left turn on Albuquerque Street. By the time he got back the lab and turned on the Walkman, the message was already ending.
-and traveling to the crash site tomorrow. I hope this venture will yield something useful. Out there, it will be silent. Not even my proximity to Snowball will help. He’s ambitious, I’ll grant him that. Our desire to rule Terra…it’s what keeps us going. Perhaps a little too much, at times. It occasionally gets in the way of…certain things.
There was no sign off. Sometimes there wasn’t, if the Brain felt strongly about something.
Everyone seemed to have a faraway dream that made up their entire being. And while the land of delicious cheese was pretty far from the lab, just touring through it and buying all the refrigerator magnets he could carry didn’t seem to make up his entire being. Not in the way racing was Pharfignewton’s life. Or how the Brain always spoke of a desire to rule Terra.
“If you have a faraway dream, I guess you have to be far away,” Pinky said to Mr. Button, who only wobbled in reply. “It’s okay. I’m happy they have dreams.”
He had his wheel, food pellets, and the dusty VCR after all.
AN: I never made the promise about silly Pinky things. Shhh….
I wanted to keep Brain naming Pinky cause it’s cute (also it’s practical for writing but mostly cute).
To win the Triple Crown achievement, a racehorse needs to win the Kentucky Derby, the Belmont, and the Preakness. Pharfignewton’s got a lofty goal, but Pinky believes in her!
ACME is really bad about updating their tech.
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When Everything’s Made to be Broken (I Just Want You to Know Who I Am) Part 53
Hello yes hi it’s been AGES since I’ve had an update for you but look! An update! Contrary to public suspicion I have not, in fact, fallen off the face of the earth.
That said, thank you all so much for your patience. It means the world to me. If you choose not to read anymore because I’m so pokey, I understand. Just send me an ask and I’ll take you off the list. You could, in theory, stop - the major arc has finished. But if you want to stick around, there’s still plenty of their story to tell before they’re done :)
Plot: When you inadvertently become a witness to a murder and are suddenly a target for death, it takes a specially skilled soldier and his team to keep you and your family safe.
This will eventually be a is a reader x Bucky fic. The reader, by the way, is a civilian. No super powers, no fighting skills, and by no means perfect.
Word count: 2167
Warnings:
For the entire work: Language (I have a potty mouth), violence, and angst. This will probably get pretty dark later on, and there will be smut. If that’s not your thing, you may want to avoid this story.
Additional warnings specific to this part: Feels and emotions. They’re dealing with the aftermath now, so there are parts that are kinda heavy.
***I do not own any of the lyrics/music in this story, so please don’t sue me for using them***
Tags moved to the end.
WEMtbB Masterlist
Previously on WEMtbB:
“Yeah.” You take another bite of pie as you smirk. “You know, it’s going to be hard to top our first first date. That was pretty fantastic.”
“Is that a challenge?”
“Nope, just a fact. That was seriously the sweetest, most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.”
He smirks, eyes smoldering. “Doll, you’re gonna get the full Bucky Barnes treatment – the barn date was me with one hand tied behind my back. I’m gonna knock your socks off tomorrow.”
Anticipation spikes your blood – somehow, you believe him, but you can’t miss the chance to gently tease, “We’ll see.”
Sleep didn’t want to come, but that’s to be expected. All other terrible things aside, spending a few weeks on the other side of the world will wreak havoc on anyone’s sleep schedule. Even exhaustion can’t always knock you out when your body thinks it’s time to be awake. Still, you managed a few short periods of sleep, and when you couldn’t you contented yourself with thinking about your family and watching Bucky sleep.
It helps to remind you that your nightmare is over.
His beautiful eyes, more blue than grey once again, open as the sun crests the horizon. “Sweetheart,” his voice is gravelly from slumber and God you’d missed the sound of it, “Why didn’t you wake me up? You didn’t need to be awake by yourself.”
As you prop yourself up with your elbow, your fingers find his hair. “No reason for you to be awake, too, especially since you were sleeping so peacefully.” You lean down to press a soft kiss to his lips. “You’re just as tired as I am. You went through just as much.”
Something shifts in his gaze as he watches you. “You’re the strongest person I know. You know that? I’m so –“ He has to stop and clear his throat before he can continue, “I’m so…I don’t even know what I am.”
He has more to say, so you give him the time to find his words as you calmly play with his hair.
“I’m in awe of you.”
The unladylike snort that comes out of you couldn’t be stopped; you tried. Awe inspiring? You? Ahahahaha. Nope. “I’m not a unicorn, Buck. There’s nothing awe inspiring about me. I’m just…me.”
“Stop.” The tone in his voice doesn’t allow for disagreement. “Don’t undersell what you just survived. Sweetheart, I’ve known some pretty brave men and women in my life, and I don’t know another person that could have made it through that experience intact. You did, so yes, you are a unicorn.” His eyes suddenly lighten considerably before he twists himself to reach for something in the drawer of his nightstand, “Speaking of…”
It’s a great opportunity to take in the broad expanse of his bare back and shoulders, so you shamelessly do so until he turns back around, causing laughter to bubble out of you when you see what he’d retrieved.
His eyes light up at your reaction. “Do you like it? When you were coming out of the anesthesia you kept going on and on about a sparkly purple unicorn, so Stark and I decided to make sure you got one.”
You take the impossibly soft, deep purple and silver stuffed unicorn and squeeze it tightly. “I love it! It’s so squishy!”
He laughs at your obvious delight while shaking his head. “God, I love you so much.”
Laying on your back, you turn your head to look at Bucky. “I know. And I love you, too.”
His eyes watch yours and yours watch his, and it seems like the world slows down just a bit so for once you don’t feel like you have to race to catch up.
“So,” stretching luxuriously, you allow the moment to end because there are more good moments just around the corner, “when can we call the boys?”
“Whenever you want to, Sweetheart. You phone is plugged in on the nightstand next to you.”
“Really?” Twisting to reach for the phone, you find it resting next to the pile of books, “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I’ve really really missed playing Disney Emoji Blitz. Don’t judge me. Hey,” you squint at the device as you unplug it. “This isn’t my phone.”
He glances at it and snorts. “Oh, it’s your phone. It isn’t your old phone, but it’s your phone.”
“Huh?”
“Stark sees you as family. You’re one of us now, and that means you’ll never have a normal phone again. He won’t allow it.”
“But –“
“It’s probably set up similarly to how your old phone was, with all the data intact. But of course, he’s Starkified it. Don’t bother arguing with him – at best he’ll ignore you.”
It’s true and you know it, so you just shrug and decide to accept it. “Okay.” It isn’t a battle worth picking, you won’t win anyway, and upon opening it and beginning to explore it, it’s…it’s kind of awesome. All your pictures are there, and even though it looks like your contact list has expanded considerably – apparently you can reach Nat at 6 different numbers and Steve at 8 – all of your old numbers are there as well. Your finger hovers over your mom’s contact info, but your eyes flick to the time and you place the phone back on your nightstand. Signing heavily, you ruefully admit, “It’s still a little too early. I know my mom is up by now, but I don’t want to wake the boys if they’re still sleeping.”
“I doubt they’d mind – I’m sure they want to hear from you. I called your ma while you were in surgery, just to give her an update, and I know she’s pretty anxious to hear your voice.”
It warms your heart a ridiculous amount to know he called her, but that’s not where your focus is at the moment. “I know she is, it’s not my mom I’m worried about. The boys, though – I don’t know how they’ve been sleeping since I’ve been gone, and I don’t want to mess up their routine if they’ve settled into one.” You stare up at the ceiling, but there’s no hiding the trepidation in your voice when you slowly continue, “Besides, I have a feeling that one or both of them are going to be mad at me. Really mad at me.”
Bucky gently traces your cheek, “Why would you think that?”
It takes awhile for you to be able to utter the words that have been festering in your heart; even though you’d compartmentalized for the sake of survival and hadn’t allowed yourself to think about Artie and Jimmy much, the undercurrent of this particular fear tainted every breath you took while you were imprisoned…and it’s there, even now. Especially now. “I’m so afraid they think I abandoned them.” At your admission, a hot tear falls and finds its way to your ear.
“Sweetheart…”
“I left them. I didn’t have a choice, but I tucked them in for their nap and I left.”
His voice is quiet as he plays with a tendril of your hair, “You’re right. But you also came back. Or will, anyway.”
“But –“
“Sweetheart, I’m not gonna say this isn’t gonna be hard on you. Or them. Or that there isn’t gonna be an adjustment period. But the important part is that you came back. Five years from now, that’s probably all they’ll remember about the whole thing. It sucked – I think we can all agree on that – but you fought, you survived, and you came back. That’s gonna mean the world to them.”
Your foot shakes nervously as you grab onto his words. “I hope you’re right.”
“I am, Sweetheart. You’ll see.”
“So,” clearing your throat of the thickness that had taken hold, you turn on your side to face him again, still cuddling the stuffie close, “what else are we doing today?
“Well, my therapist is scheduled to fly in this morning – he’ll meet with you as well so he can match you up with one of his colleagues. Then Galina will work with you on some physical therapy for your leg to make sure the patch is doing its job and that you’re healing okay.”
Her name catches you off guard. “Galina’s here?”
“Mm hmm. Stark couldn’t hire her fast enough - she’s officially part of the Avengers support team now, and at the moment she’s specifically assigned to you.” He laughs lightly, “Stark had originally planned on having one of Dr. Cho’s nurses come in for the week to monitor your recovery, but Galina wasn’t having it. She said that since she was one of the first people to treat you that she’s more qualified than anyone else to look after you because she’s already familiar with the injury. She also brought up the very good point that she’s already a somewhat familiar face.”
“Well…that’s hard logic to argue.” You take a deep breath and exhale loudly. It’s a little overwhelming, to say the least. “So is there anything else planned for today?”
“That’s up to you and what you’re up for – but I should give you a head’s up that Nat’s waiting on the call to take you shopping for our date tomorrow night. Shopping for fancy dresses is her favorite kind of shopping so you’ll probably feel like a life-size doll when you’re done.” He continues as your eyes grow wide, “Other than that, I’ll probably have a session with my therapist, and then I thought we’d just have a quiet night to ourselves. Maybe order in some Chinese food or something.”
“That sounds really nice. Um,” the awkward hesitation that enters your voice is painfully obvious as your brain shifts to mundane matters you hadn’t given much thought to over the past few months, “Did anyone happen to grab my purse? I haven’t needed it in forever but if I’m going shopping I’m going to need it.” Shit, is there even anything in New York that you can afford? Since Christopher’s death you’d been extremely diligent about your spending, carefully ensuring that the life insurance funds would last until you finished school and started working. Despite being concerned about the cost of a dress, it’s actually kind of a relief to think about stuff like this – the normal, everyday things you had to keep track of before your life changed so drastically.
“You don’t have to worry about that. Stark mentioned that he’s adding you to one of his expense accounts – he’ll probably send a credit card with Nat.”
“What? No. NO.” You sit up indignantly, not sure if you’re feeling inadequate, helpless, pitied, or insulted. Irrational? Maybe. You can’t tell. Perhaps all of the above. It’s already hard enough to wrap your mind around everything they’ve done for you - this is a step too far. You’d been living on Tony’s dime because you’d had to, and you’d used the resources available to you to care for your kids; even that was awkward at first. But access to actual money to buy a dress? No. You’re not a goddamn freeloader.
Bucky exhales deeply with a knowing look in his eyes. “You and Steve are two peas in a pod.” He mutters under his breath, but you can hear him just fine and you let him know that with a glare. “Will it soothe your raging independence to know that money means absolutely nothing to him? Stark giving you access to one of his accounts is about the equivalent of bumming a smoke off someone. Seriously.”
Stare. Blink. What.
“Look, I think it’s safe to say that we all know you can take care of yourself. You don’t have to take it if you don’t want to.” The covers slide down, showing his torso as he sits up to face you. “That said, I’d like to remind you about a certain conversation we had at home about us taking care of each other. I know I didn’t specifically include my team at the time, but they’re your team now, too. They’re your family. You know this. It’s okay to let us take care of you – shit, Sweetheart, you take care of us all the time.”
“Okay, but cooking dinner for everyone isn’t the same thing as a credit card.”
“Doll, you don’t want to eat Stark’s cooking. Please, I beg you, let him reciprocate with American Express. You can’t get food poisoning that way.” The look in his blue eyes would be comical if he didn’t seem quite so serious.
You’re still uneasy about having access to someone else’s money, but you reluctantly concede. They are family – Thanksgiving and Christmas should have already proven that to you, even before they did what they did to save you. Still…pride, independence, and your improved but still deeply embedded insecurities are trying to make their insidious whispers into roars. “It’s weird,” you finally mutter as you fiddle with one of your stuffie’s satin lined ears.
He snorts and nods. “I got a metal arm and Stevie and I both have three digits to our age, Banner goes from mild mannered doctor to a big green rage monster when necessary, Stark flies around the world in glorified soda can, and I haven’t even introduced you to the witch, the god, the floating red guy, and the…I don’t know, whatever the hell Loki is. Trust me, Stark giving you a credit card so you have a little bit of freedom while you’re here is the least weird thing about this situation.”
Well, when he puts it that way…
@hellomissmabel @howdoesoneadult @nykitass @danimuhle @iwillbeinmynest @shifutheshihtzu @passiononfire @learisa @widowvinter @kaaatniss @ladylizzieofdarbyshire @denialanderror @k-nighttt @givemethatgold @manders2487 @afangirlrambles @polkadottedpillowcase @bluebrrn @saysay125 @aikibriarrose @saharzek @mmauricee @imhereforbvcky @whenallsaidanddone @supernatural508 @scarlettsoldier @natalie-nightcourt @im-beautifully-sewn @lovemarvelousfics @feistytravel @tbetz0341 @nearly-whitches @jamie-leah @shliic @dessinemoiunehistoire @lucywinchester2000 @solarbarnes @a-proper-chicken @movingonto-betterthings @seekingkairos @part-time-patronus @natashasnight @fairislesheets @beccaanne814 @jamesbarnesappreciationclub
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x reader#bucky series#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes fanfiction#when everything's made to be broken (i just want you to know who i am)#WEMTBB#part 53
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Frozen III plot / fanfic - part 5
The Secret of the Northuldra
The previous four parts you can find here: part one, part two, additional thoughts, part three, part four.
Rated T (or better M?) because of a little intimate Elsamaren moment and for violent thoughts and actions of a new antagonist :-)
I hope you like this next part of my fanfic. Enjoy.
If you want to be informed when i post the next part of my fanfic i can mention you in the post. Just let me know in the comments.
Joná headed to his little boat and pondered what had just occurred. He just wanted to help and hoped that Yelana would do something or at least know anything about what he had seen during his venture on the dark sea. Instead, she instructed him to keep everything secret. He shrugged his shoulders and bent over the edge of the boat to get his catch out. Still thinking she already knew what to do, he turned with his full basket and froze. Behind him some men from the village had gathered and looked at him piercingly.
“Um… why are you standing there staring at me like that? Is something unusual?” he asked and put the basket down.
“We were just about to ask you that,” said the one who was in the front and who had obviously led the men here. “We noticed everything earlier and wondered if you would tell us what you had so urgently to tell Yelana.” He crossed his arms and looked at Joná waiting.
Joná swallowed. He remembered what she had told him and didn’t know how to begin. “Um…well…I was just so excited because…because the fish I had on the line today are so big. One of them almost pulled me over the edge of the boat.”
The man in front of him cast a telling glance at his basket and then looked at him again with raised eyebrows. “Oh, yeah?”
“Not these one, no. But the one fish I wanted to pull into the boat was it,” said Joná, who noticed this look. “Really, I did. They were just too heavy for me and were tearing the string.”
A few moments passed, and the man finally nodded, “Well, we know your fish stories good enough. But don’t you think you might have exaggerated it a little today?”
Joná sighed and let his shoulders sink. “Yes, maybe you are right. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to scare anyone.”
“Let’s go, men.” They all turned around and walked slowly back to camp, some of them looking disappointed. But the leader of the group said quietly, “There’s something he’s not telling us. I don’t buy that story. Not that I ever did, but…”
“Did you notice his nervous look and how insecure he was this time?” one of the men asked quietly and looked at him from the side.
He nodded, “Indeed.”
***
Elsa had been lying quietly on her bed for a long time, listening to the noises coming in from outside. It sounded very busy and once she heard a loud shouting and a name. Yelana. She didn’t know this person, but she seemed to hold an important position. After that it was quiet again and she only heard a few birds chirping. A ray of sunlight came in from above and blinded her. She turned her head to the side and her eyes fell on the bundle of clothes next to her. Somehow she had had enough of just lying around here idly. She wanted to get out and look around.
Elsa bent her knees to see how far she was able to stand up. It still hurt a little, but it worked surprisingly well. She pushed the fur to the side and did stretching exercises with her legs, slowly and alternately. After some time she carefully sat up and bent over to massage her thighs and calves. A long blonde strand of hair fell into her face. “Oh…,” she said in surprise and reached behind her head to pull more of her hair forward. She felt and looked at it. “I’d love to know what I look like,” she murmured and then continued to put her plan into action.
Finally she turned and let her legs dangle over the edge of the bed. She stood up, or at least tried to, because her strength was not enough and she sank back onto the bed. But Elsa didn’t want to give up so quickly and pulled the wooden stool in front of her to support herself. After two attempts, she finally stood there a little shaky and made a satisfied sound. Then she picked up her clothes and slipped the leather tunic over her head. She touched the material. It was a bit rough, but very soft and felt a bit cool on her skin. She looked at the pants and sat down again to slip them over her legs, slowly stood up again and pulled them up. Everything fit her perfectly. Finally she put on the belt and slipped into the boots. Now she was ready for her first excursion and started to move slowly.
***
Honeymaren now had no more duties to do and therefore wandered around the camp a bit bored and lost in thought with her head lowered. Unconsciously she took the way towards Elsa’s Kota. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed how the flap of one of the Kotas was pressed open. She looked over and couldn’t believe her eyes. Elsa stepped straight out and kept herself wobbly on her feet. She looked around curiously and their eyes met. Elsa smiled at her and took a hesitant step forward, but almost fell over and held on to the edge of the entrance just in time. Honeymaren did not hesitate for a second and rushed to help.
“Careful, you’re still too weak and you might hurt yourself in the fall. Let me help you.” She took Elsa’s hand and put one arm around her shoulder to support her.
“Thank you. I just couldn’t stand it in there anymore and i had to try to get out and take some fresh air.”
“I can understand that. I guess that’s what I’d do. Although… nothing like that has ever happened to me, so I don’t know what…” She bit her lip.
Elsa looked at her and said, “All right, it hasn’t happened to me either… I think.” She put on a crooked smile.
Honeymaren nodded, looked down at her and then smiled and said, “The Northuldra attire look pretty good on you.”
“Thanks. It feels very comfortable too. What’s your name anyway?”
“I’m Honeymaren.”
They looked into each other’s eyes for a moment. “We know each other, right? I’m sorry, I can’t remember anything about it.”
Honeymaren felt her heartbeat accelerate. Before all this happened to her, Elsa had always been so distant, almost unapproachable, and with her task as Fifth Spirit, she had rarely been seen in camp lately. Now after her incident, would be the perfect opportunity to change their relationship. But was she allowed to do that? It would amount to a lie. She hesitated.
“Yes, we know each other… quite well.”
Elsa briefly squeezed Honeymaren’s hand and sighed, “I hope I’ll be able to remember this soon. Will you help me to look around a bit and explore everything? I am very curious.”
“I’d love to… I even know the first place we could go.”
They walked with slow steps and she helped Elsa to keep her balance. She had never been so close to Elsa before; Honeymaren thought to herself. It was kind of exciting. Before Elsa promised to free the Northuldra from the impenetrable mist wall on that memorable evening, Honeymaren didn’t know very much, trapped in this small world. She was born into this world as one of the few children and there were only a few in her age with whom she could do something. The few of them were playful boys who were either too simple-minded or interested in other things. So she grew up, mostly alone with herself and her thoughts, only with her somewhat jumpy brother Ryder, to whom the reindeer meant more than anything else. Otherwise, it was her leader Yelana who had been her life anchor and she learned a lot from her, especially about the past of her tribe and its values.
At some point they finally reached the edge of the forest and stepped out onto a narrow strip of sand beach bathed in sunlight.
“This is one of the few beautiful places here by the sea, the rest is quite jagged and mostly full of big black pebbles,” Honeymaren said, and led Elsa to a smooth, almost white-washed piece of an old tree trunk that lay half buried in the sand. They sat down on it and Elsa looked out into the distance. The sun sparkled on the softly rippling waves, which the gentle wind washed up and carried a salty scent. She took a deep breath, laid her head relaxed in the neck and closed her eyes. Honeymaren, on the other hand, did not care about the sea, because she had a completely different view in front of her eyes. She sat so close to Elsa that she could literally feel her and the temptation was great to gently stroke her long light hair. She felt the heat rising inside her, but she was not allowed to rush into anything and instead was content to admire Elsa’s features, her light soft skin and the fine hairs on her gently curving neck. She sucked up every little detail and felt lost in time.
And so she didn’t even realise how Elsa finally opened her eyes again and noticed Honeymaren’s behaviour out of the corner of her eye. She turned her head and looked directly at her. “What are you doing?”
Honeymaren took a frightened breath and stammered, “I…nothing, I…I was just looking at your long hair. Sorry, Elsa, I… didn’t mean to…” Her cheeks turned red and her eyes were wide open.
Elsa raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Tell me, Honeymaren, how well did we actually know each other?”
***
Yelana sat on the furs on the floor of her hut and thought for some time. A Northuldra woman came by at one time and wanted to know something, but Yelana had sent her away again on the grounds that she didn’t have time right now and would visit her later. She now needed the rest to think about everything. She saw Elsa lying on the beach in front of her eyes, shortly before all the spirits had disappeared and now this narrative, told by this very fisherman, who was known for his weird stories. But what he told was simply too extraordinary this time, and it all matched the latest events. However, Ahtohallan would never do such a thing, what could be the reason for that.
Except…Yelana took a long scarf from one of her leather bags and put one end of it over her knee. Lost in thought, she stroked over the five symbols woven into it and stayed on the one in the middle. She had received this scarf from her mother when she was a child and has taken it out every time she has thought and searched for answers ever since. Maybe she hoped for some comfort and strength after her parents had died long ago. It was not unlike the shawl Queen Anna was carrying at the time, but it had a different colour and, of course, a different pattern on the edge that stood for the family that woven it for their descendants.
The fifth Spirit before Elsa died during the events that ultimately trapped the forest for so long. She knew that for sure. But then who was it who had the powers of Ahtohallan and was responsible for all these recent events? There was no other fifth spirit before Elsa, that much was certain. Could it be that … no, that was impossible. Or could it? Could he have had a child? Then who was his mother? Someone in her tribe?
Slowly a certainty was forming in Yelana, one that she did not like at all.
***
He sat on the large rocky plateau near the river, far away from any Northuldra settlement. Nobody dared to come here, because the earth giants slept here and they did not like to be woken up. The place was perfectly chosen for his secret whereabouts.
He wore a dusky, almost black fur coat, next to him were reindeer antlers, worked into a large leather hood. His eyes were closed, he breathed deeply and calmly in and out, and let his senses wander into the forest. He felt and he saw.
He had the ability to read mans mind, at least most of them. It was different from the Spirits, where he never felt this limitation, but some people were strong-willed and it was as if he had to fight his way through a thick layer of snow. With very few of them he could only feel their emotions, nothing more, like with this woman from the house of that damned king, who was responsible for his father’s death. He saw in his mind again this terrible picture of his father after the fight was over, peppered with half a dozen crossbow arrows. At least this king was also dragged to his death by someone from his tribe. But there were many of them, too many and he hated them all.
He let his senses wander again and concentrated. Then he found a young Northuldra who had quite confusing feelings…for a woman. He drew the corner of his mouth in disgust, but penetrated deeper into her and finally he saw through her eyes, saw what she looked at…a beach and that other woman. She was also wearing Northuldra clothes, but something was strange. Her hair, it was long and…
He opened his eyes in horror. That couldn’t be. He had killed that half blood, or at least he thought that she was doomed to drown in the dark sea and never appear again. How had she achieved that? He was furious and he cursed. It had not been easy to make sure she would ever use her magic again. To let Nokk dissolve under her was a piece of cake. It was all so well planned. But lately the Spirits didn’t obey him anymore and he assumed that it was related to the fact that he had outsmarted and enclosed Ahtohallan. But not without first seizing some of the secrets of Ahtohallan’s power. On the other hand, he could be glad that the Spirits had no path to follow without guidance, otherwise he would quickly be on their menu. He would have to try again. This time she would not get away from him again. Too bad his father couldn’t teach him to change his shape. He was too young for that then.
It was time to forge a new plan. One that was really deadproof this time.
***
Remark: As it looks like my fanfic is getting a little bigger than I once thought. At least the first five parts I count to an own chapter of “The Secret of the Northuldra”. The second chapter will have a new title, after the first bigger turn in the story. After that it will have to show. The whole thing has also become a little adventure for me and I am curious where it will lead me. Somehow it has developed its own dynamic *grin*
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