#I know this happens every couple of years but damn. it’s almost like they should stop digging graves for themselves! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

psychedelic-ink · 1 year ago

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𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐒𝐇

pairing: joel miller x webcam model!f!reader

genre: no outbreak AU, explicit smut, minors dni

word count: 9k

summary: Joel, only now starting to feel the impending sense of loneliness, decides to listen to Tommy and sign up on an online streaming service called Ravish.

warnings: joel is bi in this, sex toys, paddles, nipple clamps, pillow humping, self-spanking, female/male masturbation, piv, dirty talking, possesive!joel, cum eating, oral (female receiving), size kink

additional warning: alright so there is a short moment in this where reader smacks herself with a paddle that has a heart-shaped hole and gets a heart mark on her skin, I don't use any descriptions (like calling it red or pink etc) but I'm also not oblivious enough to think everyone would get a mark when getting spanked so I wanted to let you know in case that would put you off and wouldn't want to read and that's completely fine!

a/n: this definitely ended up being longer then it needed it to be bfgbfg I want to take the anon who requested this, and the rest of you who chimed in and voted on the polls. I hope you all enjoy 💜 oh, also a special thanks to @missredherring who gave the idea of a more in-depth reason as to why Joel likes honeysuckle flowers 👀

edit!!! this has more than one part now! click here for the masterlist

Joel was lonely.

He hadn’t really thought about it until Sarah went off to college.

Since the day she was born, he had one thing and one thing on his mind only—to give his little girl everything that he could and make her happy. The rest didn’t concern him. He didn’t really care about dating, he didn’t have the time to think about how lonely he was. He had been on a couple of dates, all of which were initiated by Sarah as she entered her teenage years, pleading with him to go out and have a life.

But now that she was gone, studying what she always wanted to study and being happy, the emptiness began to spread like a nasty infection. Every creak and groan of the house sounded like mockery to him. He started keeping the TV open all night, most of the time falling asleep, only to wake up in the middle of the night startled by sudden shouts from a randomly playing film or show. He hated it. This wasn’t how Joel imagined his golden years to be like.

Maybe that’s why he decided to use the damn website. Ravish. He’d heard it from Tommy first —which was an uncomfortable conversation as one could imagine— and after that, he kept on hearing the name.

Ravish

It was like a shitty pop song, stuck between his teeth like toffee, impossible to get rid of. The name made a home in his brain, making its presence known whenever he was doing anything, no matter how mundane the task was.

Ultimately, he gave in. What was the worst that could happen?

Joel groans. He stares at the screen with his brows drawn tightly together, the text cursor blinking as it waits for him to type out a username. It’s been almost ten minutes. A brief thought of asking Tommy passes through his mind but he quickly pushes the thought away and leans over the keyboard.

JMiller. That should be alright. He doesn’t need anything fancy, and J can be any name. It can be Jack, Jacob, Jonathan, John, Jeremy. There are a bunch. Besides, Miller is a pretty common last name, so if someone asks if he's JMiller, he can just deny it. Not that anyone would. Everyone would be too busy jerking off to pretty people. The last thought anyone would have would be of him.

He quickly decides on his password and he’s immediately overwhelmed. There are too many things happening at once. His eyes widen, heart beating a bit too fast as he moves his mouse around. In the corner, there’s a little pop-up begging for his attention, and on the screen, there are multiple thumbnails of women and men. When he drags his mouse over a thumbnail it starts moving and he jumps.

“Holy hell,” he mutters. “I’m in way over my head.”

Joel gets up to pour himself a glass of whiskey. After that, he sits on the couch again and takes three deep breaths. The ice clicks together as he takes a swig, the amber liquid pleasantly burning as it goes down his throat. He looks around some more, looking for the profiles that pique his interest the most.

While he scrolls, he sees one of a man with the username NicolasCageFreak, which he finds odd, but the man is pleasing to the eye with soft brown curls and natural honey highlights in between. The man has a small bullet vibrator pressed against his hard length, a cock ring at the base of it. Joel presses like and saves it for later.

Joel has to remind himself a couple of times that the people who stream can’t actually see him. The more he scrolls the more relaxed he feels. There’s a woman with pretty green eyes he saves for later and another man with the username CammingBravo. He has his face hidden, Joel can see the red ribbon circling the back of his head as he bends over, granting the viewers a delicious sight of his ass that has a shiny buttplug.

Liked! Added to your queue for later.

Until now Joel was fairly certain he was straight, sometimes he’d get the occasional same-sex dream but he figured everyone did at some point in their lives. He’s not so sure anymore.

Some more scrolling and Joel starts getting restless. His cock strains against his sweatpants, aching for his rough touch. He takes a deep breath. The next live stream he sees that he likes he’ll click and that will be that. He’s starting to get worked up and, unlike NicolasCageFreak, he’s not a fan of edging himself.

Then he sees her. A woman wearing a delicate chain vest with rhinestones that sparkle whenever she moves. His eyes flit to the username; Honeysuckle. He loves that flower, he has many memories of picking them with Tommy and sucking the sweet nectar hidden inside. He wonders if she tastes just as sweet.

Not one to break a promise to himself, Joel clicks on the thumbnail. His eyes are instantly drawn to the live chat. There are so many people asking her to do something all at once—Jesus Christ. There are also a couple of them just chatting as if they were friends with her. He sees that everyone calls her Honey, which is fitting and a bit on the nose, he thinks.

Noticing that he has the stream muted, Joel unmutes it, a pleasant tingle running down his spine as soon as her voice comes through the speakers of his laptop.

“Wow, Eric47 I’m so happy you got that promotion!”

“Don’t worry everyone, I’ve been thinking naughty thoughts all day and I’m ready to put on a show.”

“Patience everyone.”

“Thank you for buying a private chat, SarahBelieves! I can’t wait to be your good girl. . .”

Joel is too focused on her tone, the smooth lilt of her voice, to hear the words she’s saying. The only thing his ears pick up on is the words private and chat. He wasn’t aware you could buy some extra time with the streamers. He loves that—

He shakes his head. Loves? Is he already planning on paying? At the thought, his cock twitches with interest, his reserve quickly crumbling to the floor.

Joel decides to focus on the stream first. He can decide later on if he wants a private session or not. He cups himself through the soft fabric of his sweatpants, groaning as a spike of relief shoots through him. His eyes are glued to the screen. Honey’s hard nipples poke through the chains, her hands delicately kneading the tender mounds as she rises slightly by lifting herself onto her knees. She’s on a bed, wearing black panties and a matching garter. Joel’s mouth waters. The things he would do to her. . .

His tongue pokes from between his lips, soft tendon moving with muscle memory as he thinks of eating her sweet cunt out.

“Today my sweet bees,” she addresses them. “I was thinking of fucking myself with the biggest dildo I’ve got, how does that sound?”

Joel’s eyes drift to the chat. Everyone seems to be cheering and asking her to show them how much she can take. There’s also a bunch of them calling her their favorite size queen. She chuckles.

“I love all dicks, in any shape or form,” she purrs. “I’m just in the mood for a bit of pain.”

Pain. That captures Joel’s attention. It makes him curious about all the other things she might be into. Perhaps she enjoys getting spanked, or she would enjoy the feeling of someone dragging their nails down her pretty back. He wants to know. He wants his imaginary scenarios to be as accurate as possible.

He’s about to pull out his cock when he hears her voice again.

“I do have one question though,” she says innocently. “Should I keep these pretty black panties on or off?” she grins into the camera, her eyes shining with mirth. “Let’s see those answers, my bees.”

What do you want? Joel wants to ask. But this isn’t that kind of scenario so he thinks. The answers come flying in, there’s a fifty-fifty ratio. Joel’s mind blanks for a moment, the corners of his lips twitching. He wants her to keep them on. He likes the idea of her sliding them to the side and fucking herself deep, it feels more animalistic, more raw. He enjoys the idea of claiming someone, a curiosity he hasn’t yet fully explored yet.

He types exactly that. His wording and grammar a bit too neat compared to the rest, but he gives Honey his answer. He wants her to keep it on. Maybe play with herself some more until the fabric is basically see-through, then she can fuck herself with the biggest cock she’s got.

Joel watches intently as her eyes go over the live chat, there are so many answers coming in, he doubts she’ll see his comment. Still, he likes to believe she’ll see it.

Honey’s eyes still briefly, hunger swirling in them as a canine sinks into her bottom lip. Her smile is bashful and shy, much different than the character she’s playing. Her eyes move back to the camera. Joel watches her breasts as her chest heaves, nipples grazing against the cool metal.

“Well, well, JMiller. . . you certainly have a mouth on you,” she tuts and Joel’s eyes go wide. The satisfaction he feels leads to goosebumps coursing over his burning skin, being noticed. . . it’s surprisingly thrilling. “Are you new? I haven’t seen your handle before.”

Joel swallows, his hands shaking as he types in a quick “yea”, Honey smiles, “Welcome to the hive then, baby. Keep the comments up,” she sighs, cupping both her tits. “I love a man who knows how to dirty talk.”

A knot forms in his throat, his skin tight. He wasn’t expecting to be this affected. Now he understands why so many people enjoy live streams. They don’t see you, not actually, but still, it almost fills the void. Almost. He’s excited now, eager to type in more of his thoughts, eager to hear her answer him. Joel pulls out his cock, the waistband of his sweats hugging his thighs. He gives himself a firm tug, his spine straightening at the burn gathering in his lower stomach. It feels fucking good.

“Since it’s J’s first time, and because he got me all hot and bothered, why not leave the panties on for this time?” Honey says. Joel observes the chat, there are a lot of congratulatory messages addressed to him, welcoming him. He doesn’t care. “You want to see these panties soaked, huh? You guys know how much I love making a mess.”

Honey shimmies back, revealing more of her bare legs. She spreads them for the camera, the soft sound of delicate metal filling the air whenever she moves. Her fingers start to move lazily over her clothed clit, her head falls. Joel can see a subtle dark patch growing, his own hand starting to move slowly up and down his throbbing cock. A drop of precum dribbles down, easing the glide of his rough palm. She doesn’t look at the chat as frequently as she did before, too focused on her pleasure. Her glossy lips part and her eyes scrunch up. Her moans are loud and breathy, signs that she lives alone.

Joel doesn’t think as he fists himself. Normally when watching porn he would think; he would think of a scenario, or what he would be doing differently, or the things he would want to do. This is different. He’s just watching, inhaling what’s being given to him. He sucks a sharp breath, his hand moving faster, the side of his fist smacking against his pelvis, dark curls damp under his palm.

“Fuck,” Honey moans, eyes peering toward the screen. Her fingers move faster, her hips grinding to meet the graze of her palm. Joel groans, his eyes rolling back into his skull. “I think I’m going to come,” he breathes out. “Should I?”

Joel doesn’t bother with typing until he hears his alias.

“JMiller, since you’re new the decision is yours. Should I? P-Please answer,” she sounds desperate, her hips rutting the air as she presses her fingers hard against her clit. “O-Or do you want me to come on your cock?”

Joel’s hips stutter, filling the tightness of his fist, “Fuckin’ hell.”

With sticky fingers he types his answer, telling her that she should come with his cock deep inside her. Joel also adds that he wants to hear her, telling her to be loud.

“O-Okay,” she whines, almost tearful as she reaches to grab her dildo off-screen. Joel can’t help the grin that makes its way across his face. He types again, telling her not to cry and that she’ll be coming soon enough. When he presses enter, he notices that his name is highlighted in dark orange. “You’re kind of an asshole,” she answers playfully. “I like that.”

You're the buzzing heartbeat of Honeysuckle’s live stream! You are picked by the streamer as the treasured Drone Bee, your unwavering loyalty and vibrant energy create an electrifying atmosphere. Your presence is a key ingredient in making the honey even sweeter!

A growl echoes in his throat when Honey shows the camera the dildo she had picked out. She wasn’t kidding when she said it was her biggest. It’s bigger than his own dick, and Joel is by no means a small man. He squeezes his cock and looks down, with a sudden need growing in his chest, he purses his lips and lets a long trail of saliva drip between his lips. He shudders when it reaches the head of his cock. He swipes his palm over it and continues to stroke himself, he wants to come.

He wants them to come at the same time.

Honey pushes the dildo in slowly, giving her viewers a clear sight of what’s happening. The toy stretches her wide, the ache of it pulling a gasp from her pretty lips. Joel breathes heavily, his nostrils flaring as his hand speeds up.

Oh, how he would love to be the one fucking slowly into her, to hear those little gasps coming from her in person rather than his shitty speakers. He holds his breath. It’s buried fully inside of her now. She slowly looks down, her eyes looking directly into the camera.

“I hope the view down there is good,” she says with a smirk. Joel doesn’t type anything. He focuses on the way his cock drools for her, aches to be buried in her cunt. Honey pulls out the toy until it’s only the tip that’s inside and then shoves it all in one smooth thrust. She cries out, her voice unfiltered. Joel’s stomach jumps at the sound, his pupils dilating like a wolf seeing its prey for the first time.

She fucks herself hard, whimpering and crying out every time she fuck herself deep. Joel sees the way the plastic surface shines with her slick, he bets she tastes fucking sweet.

He knows she’s close when her thighs begin to shake—he also knows thanks to the live chat going completely berserk, cheering her on and telling her to squirt. Joel, despite her own release close enough that he can taste it, rolls his eyes.

“This one is for you JMiller,” she whimpers and Joel’s eyes go wide, his cock pulsing in his wet fist. “Hope you’re gonna fall down the edge with me, big guy.”

Joel doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath until she’s coming—she does so with a loud moan, her cunt fluttering around the large cock. Her head falls back completely, giving a clear view of her heaving chest, nipples fully erect under the see-through armor.

His fall from grace is less pretty. He lets out a grunt, his hips fucking into his hand helplessly as come spurts from the slit, it’s almost painful. His heart beats aggressively while he tries hard to keep his focus on the screen, he doesn’t want to miss anything. Joel makes a mess of himself and his surroundings, the rug underneath his socked feet stained with his release.

Joel’s cock stops throbbing and with a pleased sigh, his shoulders drop.

“That felt fuckin’ goood,” he groans, staring blankly at the ongoing live stream. Vaguely he notices Honey pulling the toy out, an equally fucked out expression on her face. The live chat is still going wild, he manages to lean over and type in one last sentence before going offline.

Good girl.

Joel is a weak weak man.

Watching Honey quickly became a routine for him. She would start streaming around the same time he would come back from work and it was the perfect way to let off some steam. Tommy had asked if he checked out Ravish, to which Joel promptly said no. He didn’t need his baby brother making fun of him.

Besides, some primal part of him didn’t want Tommy to know about Honey. It’s an odd thought, he realizes, since she’s enjoyed by many many people. Still, he didn’t have an explanation for what he was feeling.

Once she had brought in a guest, and his body had immediately rejected it. He was ready to close the stream and head to the bathroom for a quick shower—however, he stopped when he noticed who the guest was; CammingBravo. Another streamer who had caught Joel’s attention when he was scrolling through the endless amount of entertainers for the first time. He watched Honey eat out his tight little asshole, then he watched Bravo fuck her senseless, making her soak the sheets.

Joel never came that hard in his life before— It was exhilarating. He tipped handsomely that night and Honey mentioned how JMiller was one of her best viewers. Bravo’s smile, which was surprisingly kind, was infectious.

He would be lying if he said his chest didn’t puff up a little.

And, of course, he ended up buying a private chat with her after that. He just had to. It would just be this one time, he told himself, just one hour without the live chat. Just him and her.

He turns on the laptop, already knowing that he’s kidding himself. There’s no way this will be a one-time thing. He’s too. . . smitten to leave it with one private chat.

Maybe he can limit himself to once a month. That seems reasonable.

The familiar website of Ravish loads and he clicks on the little gray person in the corner. He finds the section that’s titled “private chats” and clicks. Her username, Honeysuckle, pops up. On the screen, it says she’ll be with him shortly.

A minute later the screen goes black and her face comes into view. She’s wearing a pink see-through bra with strawberries on it, Honey’s smile is bright as she looks into the camera.

“Hi there J!” she greets him, his stomach warms at the sound of her voice. “This is your first time doing a live chat right?”

He nods absent-mindedly while typing. Honey reads his answer and gives him an empathetic look.

“Okay, so you don’t have to show your face—obviously—but if you want you can click the tiny microphone in the corner and talk to me directly. But if that’s also too much you can continue to type what you want me to do.”

Joel’s eyebrows raise. Talk to her. . . with his actual voice? The thought both excites and sends cold fear down his spine. What would he even say? What if she doesn’t like the sound of his voice?

“Are you there?” her voice comes through. “Is everything alright?”

His fingers tense and rigid, Joel types in the questions that swirl in his head. Luckily the questions sound cheeky without any tone indicators so Honey smiles, her eyes narrowing while her lips curl seductively.

“You can say anything you want, big boy,” she licks her lips. “And don’t worry about your voice, I’m yours for the hour. You might as well have the most shrill voice in the world, I would still tell you how sexy you sound.”

You always call me that. Why? . . . Also, it doesn’t make me feel any better when you say you’ll tell me how good I sound regardless but I get what you mean.

Joel aggressively chews the smooth inside of his cheek. Honey reads his messages, a grin stretching across her beautiful face, “Let’s just say streamer’s intuition,” she winks. “As for the other thing, I mean that you don’t need to worry. I doubt you have the most shrill voice in the world.” she thinks over her words before adding. “Of course, it’s up to you. If you don’t want to use voice chat that’s completely fine.”

Joel sighs, his curser hovering over the tiny microphone. Closing his eyes, he clicks.

“Can—Can you hear me?”

Her eyes sparkle.

“Crystal clear,” she answers with a wide smile. “You sound hot.”

She sounds genuinely impressed. Joel can’t help but chuckle with the shake of his head. “Don’t sound so surprised but thanks, I think?”

“Oh it’s definitely a compliment,” she says rolling her tongue. “Is there anything you want me to call you or should I just call you J?”

There’s a brief moment where he thinks of just telling her his name but he bites his tongue at the very last moment. His heart does a little jump when he answers, “You can call me. . . sir.”

“Understood, sir,” she repeats, her voice dripping with lust. A shudder crawls up his spine and he has to brace himself by holding his knees. “There is also a matter of safewords, I don’t do everything as I’m sure you don’t as well. Red is for stop, yellow is for slow down and green is for go. I think that’s the simplest one but if you want to use a different word I’m okay with that.”

Joel blinks before answering, “Uh, yeah sounds good.”

“Also the website doesn’t allow screen recordings—which I appreciate— so you can’t film these sessions in any way. I’m just letting you know because no one reads the terms of service and one client was very unhappy when he got a cease and desist.”

“I. . . okay, I wouldn’t even think of it.”

She smiles and Joel’s heart feels a bit lighter, “Good,” with the rules established, a sense of relaxation washed over both of them. “So, do you have anything planned for me?”

Joel clears his throat as a warning and her eyes glimmer with amusement.

“Sorry,” she breathes heavily. “Did you have anything planned for me, sir?”

“Would you laugh if I said no?”

“Sir, I would never laugh at you,” she pouts, brows turning upward. Momentarily she looks off screen and when her eyes find the lens again she smiles giddily. “Would you want me to show you the toys I think you’ll like?”

Joel smiles at how genuinely excited she sounds, it’s hard to remind himself that this is all an act and that this is her job. He wants this to be real. He wants her to actually be excited to show him all the things she wants him to use.

“Sure thing, sweetheart,” he answers not missing the way her lips part with a soft gasp. “Show me what you got.”

Honey shows him a handful of her toys. She has a lot. Dildos of various sizes, vibrators, nipple clamps, kegel balls, anal plugs, anal beads, floggers, collars, paddles. . . she might as well have an entire sex shop in her room. Joel takes mental notes of all of them to use during their next sessions.

“Anything that you like, sir?”

“The paddle,” he murmurs, feeling a bit flustered now that they’re actually getting into it. “The one with the heart-shaped hole and. . . the nipple clamps—”

“The heart-shaped ones?”

Joel swallows thickly, “Y—Yeah.”

“No need to be shy, sir,” she grins. “It’s only you and me.” Honey picks out the toys Joel requested and raises an eyebrow while her gaze searches the pile. “So, no dildos? Or vibrators?”

“I . . . had somethin’ else in mind, if that’s alright.”

“Ohhhh, a mystery,” she purrs, winking into the camera. “I love it, sir.”

Honey is slow to rid herself of her bra, sliding one arm out and then the other before moving both hands to the back to unclasp herself free of the dainty fabric. Her chest nears the camera, giving him a full view of her fully erect nipples. Joel’s breathing grows heavier by the second. He can feel his cock stiffen, pleasure stirring in his gut. He quickly kicks off his shorts, leaving himself bare on the couch as he watches her secure the clamps over each nipple. She lets out a tiny sigh of bliss, pulling her arms back and planting her palms firmly against the mattress, she shows her newly decorated nipples.

Joel groans and wraps his hand around his cock. She does a little wiggle, the soft sound of bells making his cock twitch.

“Are you touching yourself, sir?”

“Yea.”

“Good, I want to hear you get off,” she quickly adds. “Sir.”

“You’re gonna be the death of me, sweet thing,” his eyes flutter closed as his fist moves down, and he opens them back up after giving himself a firm squeeze. “Turn around,” he grunts. “And don’t forget the paddle.”

She does as she’s told, which in return gives Joel an immense sense of control and satisfaction. Precome drips down his length, he uses it to lube himself further, paying extra attention to be loud for her. Just like she wanted.

His eyes follow the movement of the paddle, she drags it over the right cheek of her ass, caressing her skin. Her panties disappear between the crease of her gorgeous ass, leaving little to the imagination. “Is this okay, sir?” she asks, her voice thick. “Am I being a good girl?”

Goosebumps rise over his skin. He’d called her, wrote to her, good girl after every stream—his smirk is laced with something dark when he realizes that she must’ve enjoyed it.

“You’re being very good,” he answers. “Now hit yourself with it, I want to see a heart tattooed on that pretty flesh of yours.”

“Southern man into branding, why am I not surprised?” she purrs and lifts her ass closer the camera. “You like seeing your pretty girl all marked up by her owner?”

Fuck.

“Don’t get full of yourself,” he orders, adding a bit more venomous tone to his voice. Honey stills, and briefly Joel worries he’d overstep. He stops breathing, not wanting to miss even the smallest hint of the safeword.

But then she shudders, hitting herself lightly with the paddle. “How’s this, sir?” she says, her lilt indicating that she’s highly aware it isn’t enough.

“Harder.”

She spanks herself harder, her body jolting. Joel can hear the bells. He circles the head of his cock with the pad of his thumb, groaning as he makes himself more comfortable on the couch.

“Sweetheart, I don’t think you’re listenin’,” he inhales slowly, enjoying the way her muscles tense. “I want to see those hearts on your skin. I thought this was supposed to be a show.”

“Y-Yes, sir.”

He loves how breathy her voice has gotten. Heat licks the base of his spine, his cock begging for release.

She raises the paddle, smacking her plump meat much harder than before. Her asscheek ripples and Joel can finally see a faint trace of a shape. But it’s not clear enough to be a decent heart. “Again,” he orders.

It takes about six to nine times before the heart takes shape on her skin. She’s whimpering, tremors moving up and down her body as she fights the urge to collapse. She loves seeing his mark there, she might’ve placed herself, but it was his doing and he revels in it.

“Good,” he says, swallowing thickly. “Good fuckin’ girl. Lookin’ so pretty for me.”

“S-Sir,” she mutters. Joel doesn’t know what to expect until her hand comes between her legs, sliding the thin line of her panties to the side. Her cunt is a sopping mess. Joel leans further towards the screen, his tongue licking the roof of his mouth. “Do you see how wet I am? P-Please, I want to come—Can I, sir?”

“Fuck, ‘course you can,” his neck feels warm, burning almost. “Turn around, grab one of them pillows behind you.”

“P-Pillow?”

She sounds dazed, Joel almost feels bad for her, almost. “Yes sweetheart, pillow,” he coos. “I want you to grind that pretty cunt against it. . . honey.”

“Shit, say that again.”

“Honey,” he groans again, his hips thrusting into the air, burying himself deep into his fist. His voice drops further as he begins to chant, “Honey, honey, honey, honey—”

She visibly clenches at that, her entire body tight with arousal. With shaky hands, she brings the pillow between her thighs, straddling the soft cushion. Her head falls back as she gives it an experimental roll of her hips, Joel’s breath catches in his throat. She looks delectable. Her hands come up to her chest and tugs at the clamps, she jumps, a wanton moan echoing from the back of her throat.

“You’re so worked up aren’t you?” Joel continues as she grinds herself further down, leaving a wet, darkened patch behind. He’s preaching to the choir. His own arousal drooling over his knuckles. He closes his eyes, allowing his mouth to roam free. “Stuff three fingers in your mouth, want you to choke darlin’.”

With a whine, she nods and pushes three fingers between her lips. Joel smirks, “It ain’t nearly enough but at least you can get a feelin’ of how much my cock would stretch those pretty lips, honey,” he rasps. She shudders, her hips moving wildly over the pillow. “You love havin’ your mouth full don’t you?”

“Yesh, sur,” she moans around her own fingers, she move acutely, and with every jerk of her hips, Joel can see her throbbing clit. He’s teetering on the edge of his release, heat pools between his legs, his balls go tight.

“I’m gonna come, honey,” he groans, his tight shaking. “Come with me, show me how wet your get that pillow.”

With a hint of mischief in her eyes, she loudly gulps around her fingers, giving Joel a clear few of her cunt before rolling her hips down against the smooth surface. His eyes go wide and before his brain can register the coil snapping, he spills over his hand. Heavy strings of come dripping down his hard throbbing length. He makes a choked sound as he tries to breathe in and out at the same time. Honey pulls out her fingers from her mouth and grins, her hands drop in front of her and she bounces up and down, mimicking the way she would ride him.

The action manages to squeeze one last rope of come from him, his lungs collapse, his body burning. She comes right after, her thighs squeezing around each side of the pillow before gushing around it. Joel can see the shine as she continues to grind her hips.

“Show me,” he pants, his next words quickly shifting into a growl. “Show it to me.”

Licking her lips, Honey pulls the pillow from between her legs and shows it to him. His cock twitches with interest. “Wanna taste you,” he says without thinking.

“Sadly technology hasn’t improved that much yet,” she answers. “But I’ll tell you this much,” she leans in and flattens her tongue against the soaked fabric. Joel’s jaw tightens, his molars digging together painfully. She moans. “I taste sweet. Like honey.”

You hate visiting home.

You hate the heat, the crowd, staying at a home where you’re still treated like a child when you haven’t been one for a long long time. But you didn't really have a choice when your dad hurt his leg, which meant that you had to help around with the tiny bookshop your family owned. It was a miracle that it was still standing, but people did love their old, dusty bookshops. You had to admit, you enjoyed the aura of the place.

Your mom had asked you to bring over two coffees before coming in, she opened up shop early which you were grateful for. Now that you were home, you didn’t have the luxury to do as many private calls as you wanted to. You still streamed late at night, keeping silent, your audience didn’t mind. They thoroughly enjoyed the whispering and the “we can’t be caught” act. You only indulged in one private session, a session that you couldn’t bare letting go of.

JMiller.

You thought a lot about what his real name might be. Jacob, Jeff, Jeremy. . . none of them felt right. It was disappointing because you wanted to scream his name when you had your hand between your legs. But since you couldn’t decide on a name, you whimpered a string of sirs over and over again.

You eagerly counted down the hours until you could finally spend time with him. This was a funny thought on its own because you boasted about how professional you were. You kept things clear, not allowing for any miscommunication or—potentially—feelings. But there was just something about him that got your entire body yearning to hear his southern drawl. Maybe it was the nostalgia of it all. You did grow up in Austin after all. But still. It was odd how excited you got before going online.

You briefly mentioned you were going back home, you didn’t tell him where, obviously, but you did tell him that there could be scheduling issues. He understood.

Of course he did, he was perfect.

Pulling yourself away from your thoughts, you impatiently drum your foot against the clean marble floors. This line is insane. You let out a groan, sending your mother a quick text that it might take you a while. A second later your phone buzzes with a thumbs-up emoji from her. You sigh again as you shove the phone down your back pocket, you hate waiting, it gets you anxious and even though you don’t have a boss that will yell at you, you don’t enjoy being late.

Then, as if he popped out of the concrete like a weed, a man pushes himself between you and the other person that was waiting in line in front of you.

Your heart races, your eyebrows knitting together, no way in hell are you going to allow someone to cut in line.

“Hey,” you call out. The man ignores you and you tap his shoulder, he turns sharply, his eyes glaring daggers. “You can’t cut in line,” you say defensively. “You need to move to the back of the line.”

“Look lady I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about I was always here.”

“Ummmm, no you weren’t,” your chest heaves, heat rising to your cheeks. You don’t like confrontation—you’d do it, but you’d hate it. Your legs are already shaking slightly. “I’ve been staring at the pink paint stain on that guy’s shoulder for about half an hour so I know what I’m talking about.”

He rolls his eyes, an ugly snarl taking shape, “Just leave it. I ain’t gonna budge. I have places to be.”

“And the rest of us don’t?” you snort, eyebrows raised. He shrugs, makes a face, and turns his back to you once again. It takes you everything not to stomp your foot like an angry bull.

You’ve had enough. You’re tired of the assholes of the word, you don’t care if you’re not allowed into the coffee shop ever again. Puffing up your chest, you open your mouth wide, ready to give this rude stranger a piece of your unfiltered mind.

“You know what—”

“Is that any way to treat a lady, moonshine?”

You turn towards the source of the voice. It’s a man you’ve never seen before. He’s rugged looking, the salt and pepper in his beard endearing. He has a deep crease between his brows, his brown eyes dark as he stares down at the rude stranger. You take in the sight of his broad shoulders, thick neck—your heart does a little flip. You don’t know why but you’re drawn to the man, he has a nice voice.

The man, however, isn’t as pleased as you.

“What’s it to you? She your girlfriend?”

You’re not but you kinda wish you were.

“Get in the back of the line, I saw you cut in front of her.”

The tension in the air is thick enough that you can cut it with a knife. You hold your breath, your lungs starting to burn as electricity crackles between the two men. Finally the asshole caves and sighs, going to the back of the line. You let out the breath you’ve been holding, your shoulders sagging with relief right after.

“Thank you,” you say, your gaze finding the kind strangers. “I was right about to blow my lid before you stepped in.”

He doesn’t answer and just continues to stare at you. Worry builds in your spine. Why isn’t he saying anything? His softened gaze flits across your face, taking in every detail before looking away. He pushes his hands down his pockets, looking almost boyish with the way he drops his gaze to the floor.

“Don’t mention it,” he mutters.

You raise an eyebrow. His voice still sounds familiar. Your curiosity getting the better of you, you shove the thoughts of familiarity into the back of your head and grace him with a wide smile. He blushes profusely, eyes slightly going wide, he takes a sharp inhale.

“How about I pay for your coffee. . . or whatever you’re buying?” you ask.

“You don’t have—”

“I insist!” you chirp, glad that the line is finally moving. You extend your hand with enthusiasm, which he accepts a bit tentatively. Your smile never wavering, you tell him your name and an emotion akin to guilt washes over his eyes. He releases your hand, lips a tight, frigid line. “Is something wrong?” you ask. “You don’t like the name?”

“N–No, it ain’t that,” he shifts from one leg to the other. You nearly look down, curious to see how tightly his jeans hug his muscular thighs. “I’m. . . Joel.”

The world around you falls into a complete silence. Joel. Joel. Something electric and searing shoots up your spine, your lashes fluttering. Your heart starts beating a mile a minute but you’re not sure why. The only thing you do know is that this is a significant moment. An important moment.

Your rake your brain for answers.

Why?

Why is it important? What piece are you missing to complete the puzzle?

His lips break into a soft smile, he gestures towards the counter with his head. “We’re up.”

“O-Oh, yeah,” you swallow, barely able to pull your gaze away from him. “Sorry.”

You tell the kind barista your order and she writes it down on both your cups happily. The two of you move away from the line to wait for your drinks; a black coffee for your mom, a caramel macchiato for you, and an iced quad espresso for Joel. You raise an eyebrow.

“I have a long day comin’,” he says with a small smile. “And I didn’t do much sleepin’ last night.”

Your mind immediately flashes you memories of last night. Legs spread wide with two dildos stretching you, JMiller really enjoys it when you test your limits. Your pulse pounding in your skull, you look down. “Don’t I know it.”

“You had a late night too?” there’s a teasing lilt to his tone. Your stomach churns and you sink your teeth into your bottom lip. It looks like he’s about to say something else but the barista calls your name and both of you head towards the counter. He takes his death juice with a grateful smile, his demeanor more relaxed compared to when you introduced yourself.

“Thank you, honey. I appreciate it.”

Oh shit.

Shit shit shit shit.

It is him.

JMiller—J stands for Joel.

Fuck.

“You. . .” you begin, panic raising in your voice. “You’re. . .”

He nods, “I think we both know why I didn’t sleep much last night,” he extends his hand again. “Huge fan by the way. You’re great and this is awkward as hell.”

“It is,” you whisper. Still, you take his hand. “It is.”

“You’ve never had someone come up to you on the street before?” he asks, curious. “I would assume you get recognized a lot.”

“Not as much as you would think,” a cruel, humorless burst of laughter drops from your lips. “People don’t exactly want their partners to know they’re watching me. But if they’re alone yeah. . . sometimes they’ll say hi.”

Or they’ll ask inappropriate questions and be weird about it but he doesn’t have to know that.

Now that he’s mentioned you bumping into others, you’re not sure why it felt like the end of the world before. You feel embarrassed, flustered even, two emotions that a client shouldn’t be making you feel.

“Well,” he breaks the silence, moving his jaw as he opens the door for you. “Thanks for the coffee.”

“Technically you bought it.”

“Right. . .”

The two of you are out in the street now, staring at each other, contemplating what to say. He scratches the back of his head, then his fingers move to rub at his jaw. Arousal gathers between your thighs, it’s not your fault, now that you know that it’s him, your body acts accordingly.

“Are we still on for tomorrow?”

You still for a moment before answering, “Yeah.”

He turns and leaves, you do the same, only in the opposite direction.

After learning your name, Joel completely abandoned his rule of you calling him 'sir', making you moan his actual name as frequently as he could. His name stuck to your tongue. It might as well have been tattooed under your bottom lip. He was possessive in the way he asked, in some instances even begging for you to say it—and you fucking loved it. You loved this sick claim he had towards you now that you two had officially met. You loved how much more eager he was to see you make a sticky mess between your thighs. You love how cock dumb he made you feel without actually being there to fuck you himself.

He even started doing his version of online aftercare. Mostly he would just talk, tell you about every-day things as you came down from your high. Or he would murmur a song. You never asked if he was a musician, he had a nice voice.

It’s the beginning of the session and you’re getting ready. He says he enjoys watching the preparation you do for him so you decided to start streaming five minutes earlier, allowing him to watch. You really need him today. You had a rough day with an order mix-up, and your mom isn’t the best at dealing with mishaps. He clears his throat, which draws your attention to him.

“Is something wrong?” you ask.

“No no, everythin’ is fine, sweetheart. I just. . .” he sighs. “I want to ask somethin’.”

“Ask away.”

“Can we—Would you want to—” he groans in frustration and you start grinning. His frustrated pout is adorable. All you want to do is smooth the crease between his brows with your thumb and give him a kiss.

“Joel Miller,” you tease, not missing the way his breath catches in your throat. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

Oh god, you hope your intuition is right. If it isn’t this call is about to get really awkward.

He flushes, eyes dropping as he nods.

“Is that okay?”

This is highly unprofessional, “More than okay. I’d love to go on a date with you.”

His grin is infectious.

“Good,” he lets out a breath then settles back against the couch. “Now show me those pretty tits, honey.”

You can’t believe you’re actually in JMiller’s, aka Joel’s, home.

The date had gone better than you expected. He was kind, charming, and chivalrous which were all qualities you haven’t seen for a while. Ever since you started streaming you hadn’t been on many dates and frankly, after a while, you purposefully avoided them. It just felt like asking for drama that you had no intention of dealing with. But Joel wasn’t like that. He could be blunt, a bit grumpy, yet also kind. He had taken you to one of his favorite pubs. Beers accompanied by the best jalapeno poppers you ever had equated to one of the finest dates you’ve ever had.

He was a contractor, had a daughter in college, and a younger brother. His mother and father had passed a long time ago and ever since Sarah left, he’d been feeling lonely. He’d admitted shyly that that was the reason why he signed up on Ravish. He wanted company.

You found it incredibly charming.

As soon as Joel closes the door behind you two, you fall into each other’s arms. He kisses you with fervor, tongue slipping between your lips as he breathes you in at the same time. You feel him everywhere. Large hands squeezing your hips, waist, breasts—it’s intoxicating. You moan wantonly into his mouth, your lids falling when he sucks your tongue into his mouth. He tastes like beer and you’re pretty sure you do too.

Joel pushes you up against the wall, knocking the air from your lungs while you continue to chase his lips with an insatiable need. You can’t bear to be separated from him, not even for a second. He drags his lips down your neck, mouthing at your jugular, sharp teeth nipping the sensitive flesh. Your hips jerk to meet his and with a growl, he pins you back to the wall.

“Don’t,” he grunts. “I’ve been waitin’ so long for this honey, so fuckin’ long.”

Your lips curl, a challenge lingering in your eyes, “Show me then, big boy. Show me how bad you want to fuck your slut.”

“Fuck,” he hisses, gripping your chin harshly and pulling you in for another kiss. Your teeth clink together, he pulls back just as quick, the muscle in his jaw twitches. “Fuck,” he breathes out again. “You have quite the mouth on you, darlin’.”

You have no recollection of how the two of you clamored upstairs, stripping one another in a lustful haze. The time you realize you’re naked is when you feel the cool air of the room caressing your burning skin, he leaves a trail of open-mouthed kisses down between your breasts, fingers eagerly working your nipples as he forces you to walk back until your back of your knees hit the bed and you fall.

Not wanting to give in so easily, you wrap your fingers around his heavy cock. It juts angrily between his legs, answering your touch by drooling all over your palm, slickening your movements. You jerk him until he’s fully hard, his breathing heavy as he rolls his hips to meet the tightness of your fist. He sinks his teeth into your neck, the pain that blossoms coaxes a moan from you, your own wetness growing between your legs.

“I knew you’d be fucking big,” you whisper, tongue toying with his earlobe. “So huge—makes me wonder if I can take it. . .”

“I’ve seen you take bigger,” he groans, hips stuttering. A whimper drops from your lips, you want him, you want to feel him inside, want to feel his come dripping out later. You feel thick fingers spreading your soaked folds, he drags down a middle finger between them, licking himself into your mouth as he draws circles around your aching clit. “So wet for me,” he rasps. “Gonna make a mess in you, honey.”

You gasp, “P-Please.”

He lines himself against your entrance, teasing you, stretching you subtly with the bulbous head of his cock. Your head falls back and your back arches into him. He draws a hard nipple between his lips, closing them as he sucks. Heat rushes all over your body, arousal thick on your tongue. You clutch the sheets. He smiles as he pushes in, filling you inch by inch with a lax jaw and a dazed gaze.

He stops and waits for you to adjust to him. Joel’s forehead drops against yours, dampness growing between the skin. You feel his breath fanning your face, so warm. There’s a hint of pain, the type that makes you flutter around him. He feels it too. The way you tighten against him, your body begging for more. He obliges. Pushing further and further until his hips are flushed against yours. His jaw is clenched tight, his breathing heavy.

“Fuck you feel so good,” he presses fleeting kisses all over your face. It’s ticklish and if all your senses wasn’t narrowed in between your legs, you would’ve giggled.

Your body jerks as he pulls back, the pleasure you feel is instant and overwhelming. You’ve missed the feeling of actual flesh inside of you. Joel snaps his hips forward, locking your breath in your throat, with a moment of desperation you wrap your arms around him and pull him closer. He fucks you in earnest. Every thrust desperate. Every thrust needy. He seems lost in you, whimpers, groans and grunts trembling in his throat and chest. You spread your legs wider, wanting more of him, wanting your cunt to take the shape of his cock.

“Harder—” you cry out. “Take it—Take what you want—”

Your arms fall limp, his body moving up and towering over yours. Joel grips your thighs tight before lifting them, he jackhammers into you, tugging and pulling at you like a brand new fucktoy. He splits you in half. The force of his movements making you scream. You don’t miss the way he grins wildly, dangerously. Something dark and haunting washing over his face.

Your eyes grow wide, your heart beating in your throat, making it hard to swallow. It happens all at once, you clench around him, arousal pouring between your legs in a way it never had before. The look, the cock, the man behind it all—everything combined pushing your mind into the deep stages of want and need. Your eyes roll back, your hands coming up to pinch your tight, tingling nipples. You sob his name, your voice hoarse as you beg him for more and more and more—

“W-Wait, darlin’ if you squeeze me like that I’ll—!”

A series of curses drops wildly and unintelligently from his lips. You feel him. The heat of his seed filling you to the brim, his cock throbs and twitches, spurting into you again and again. Your lips break into a satisfied smile. Instinctively, Joel pushes deeper, shoving your combined slick even deeper.

“Shit,” he says catching his breath. “I-I’m so fuckin’ sorry. I usually last. . . longer than that. I—”

You shush him and cup his cheek. You’re so pliant right now, floating happily in the air. You let out a sigh before willing your lips to move. Has talking always been this taxing?

“It’s okay Joel,” you slur your words, smiling lazily. “I take it as a compliment, that felt fucking good.”

“Yeah?” he sounds so innocent and hopeful that you can’t suppress your giggle. His eyes twinkle under the dimmed light. “Well, I’m glad you felt good, sweetheart but I’m not done yet.”

Your breath hitches when he pulls out, your brows furrow as a chill settles between your legs. You wanted him to stay inside longer. But you’re pleasantly surprised when he slides down your body, kissing every patch of skin before settling between your legs.

“Let’s see if you’re as sweet as you’ve been tellin’ me.”

He kisses your cunt, lips moving in tandem with your wet folds. He drags his tongue up between them, curling it as he takes himself into his mouth, tasting both of you at one. You go limp at the pressure of his tongue, your walls fluttering and squeezing for more. With a groan, he shoves his fingers, the wet sound makes your toes curl into the mattress. It’s like torture, a very pleasurable torture. You gasp when he pulls you flush against his face, the bridge of his nose bumping against your clit as he licks you clean.

Your build up is spontaneous. You feel it coming, the taste of your orgasm at the tip of your tongue. Joel curls his fingers, sucking your clit between his lips and gently nipping at it. You hips chases his mouth, his mustache chafing the tender skin. Your hands come to each side of his head, threading your trembling fingers through the soft locks, his fingers brush against an especially sensitive spot and you tug at his hair. His throat shakes with a groan. His eyes closing.

“Do it again,” he mutters. And you do. He starts moaning into your cunt, his hips, despite just spilling inside of you, rutting against the bed. Your nails bite into his scalp and he flicks his tongue over the sensitive bundle of nerves.

The tension coiling in you finally snaps, your entire body locking up as you gush into his mouth. He gulps you down loudly, fingers still moving deep inside you. Your throat is dry as ou shout his name, hips stuttering helplessly, he pins you down with both hands, moving his head up and down as the fat strokes of his tongue becomes more wild.

When he’s finally done feasting, he pulls away with a wet mouth.

“Wow,” you murmur, curling into him when he lays beside you. “That was. . . wow.”

“You really had low expectations, huh?”

“Not low,” you grin. “But not that high either.”

“Well,” he says, guiding you so you’ll lay on his chest. “I’m glad to prove you wrong.”

You smile, heart fluttering.

“Me too.”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #tlou fanfiction #hbo the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fanfic #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfic #pedro pascal characters

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silentcryracha · 5 months ago

Note

Having their first serious argument/fight with Seungmin pls 🙏🙏🙏

HIII ty for the request hun! ~

Pairing : Seungmin x reader (tried to keep it gn)

Summary : Based on prompt: "Having their first serious argument/fight". Requested by anon.

Word count: 5k (damn bro)

Genre/ Warnings : Other members are mentioned and have girlfriends, some angst, very brief mention of intimacy, use on Yn like twice for ncessity, that's it

A/n : Hello again after like...months. Been having quite a rough time at the start of the year and then I had to work/catch up in uni. Anyways, I opened requests to get me back into writing and thanking you for the support (y'all are almost 1k tf), so feel free to look at the list and send me a prompt + a skz member! You can add a few details, like the vibe or if you specifically prefer gn or f reader.

ps: No beta. Do NOT repost on other socials. Leave feedback if you feel like it, otherwise enjoy! ♡︎

masterlist

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

ONE MONTH AGO

For you it was just another shift at the University's library. Countless students coming and going, sometimes a few teachers too. Around the start of June, when the weather became hot and humid, people were coming in sweaty and all red in the face. It made you feel sorry for them, so you decided to place a big icy carafe of water on the reception counter, so that you could offer clients a glass as they put their signature on the register. Many accepted gladly.

One of them was a quite tall guy, around your age, with dark short hair and bangs, and equally dark brown eyes. You've never seen him before, you thought. Not that you've worked there long, anyway. You greeted him with a polite smile, offering him the water as you asked for his signature. He gave you a small nod and a tight lipped smile back as he politely declined.

'Of course, it'll still be here later if you want. Have a nice time.' you said as he gave back the signatures list.

'Thank you.'

And with that he walked a few tables to the back of the room, with the sunlight hitting right on the desk. He settled with all his books and notes, and then immersed himself in studying.

Out of curiosity you looked down, and saw that his name was Kim Seungmin.

During the following days Seungmin came in to the library every day. Sometimes for just a couple of hours, then came back again. Other days he just straight up parked himself at the same table from late morning to closing time, which was around nine pm.

It happened a couple of times that he needed some information, so you gave him it and he always responded politely and then came back to his station. Sometimes he even accepted that glass of water.

But nothing out of the ordinary, which is why it definitely took you by surprise when your co-worker came up to you and, whispering, said 'That guy's been checking you out for a while now, should I worry?'

'What? Who?' you replied, genuinely confused. He nonchalantly nudged his head towards the left side of the room. Your gaze followed, falling exactly on the only male guy sitting there.

'Seungmin? No way!' you exclaimed-whispered back. His eyebrows shoot up, a small smile appearing on his face.

'Oh so you know him?'

'No- yes- I mean, not really. He's been coming here often to study. I only know his name because I saw it on the register. And he asked a few directions, that's it.' you shrugged, crossing your arms.

'Well, whatever it is, he has a hundred percent been checking you out. I started to notice like, three days ago. I thought you did too.' he said, as it was the most obvious thing in world. You didn't know what to say for a few seconds, uncertainly sneaking a look to Seungmin.

Your co-worker stifled a laugh and took over what you were doing, giving you a small push.

'He's cute. I would try it out. You know, to see if he's a creep or just embrassingly shy.' he winked.

FOUR WEEKS AGO

Ever since your co-worker implied that Seungmin might have his eye on you, you were never the same. You also started to make a few 'organizing' trips back and forth to the shelves, sneaking looks here and there. He did seem to be actually working, but you also did catch him at least a couple of times staring back.

So you got kind of excited but then went like, 'What if I am being creepy and he just noticed?' so you got insecure. You even exposed your concerns to your friend, but he swore that he started doing it first. And called you both fools.

It was undeniable that ever since you both locked eyes those few times, now your greetings were a bit more awkward. Until finally, after like four days of this push and pull, you decided to start a conversation. Unless he shut you down immediately, which would sting a bit but at least you'd stop deluding yourself.

So around eight forty pm on a Thursday evening, you approached him. He was still sitting at his designated table, a hand in his, now, messy hair and the glasses slipping a bit on his nose as he looked down.

You swallowed, feeling your throat a bit dry, then cleared it. Seungmin looked up, mouth slightly agape. He waited for you to speak, which you didn't realize at first, so you scrambled trying to save yourself.

'Uhm, hi, It's- uh- it's almost nine. We have to close up.' he closed him mouth, at the realization and quickly stood up, making the chair squeak a bit.

He cringed at himself as he gathered his books and papers.

'I'm sorry, I lost track on time, I'll be out in two minutes.' he apologized. You smiled and waved your hand dismissively.

'Don't apologize. You've been working hard. I'm sure that whatever you're studying for, you'll do great.' your words made him slowly stop in his tracks. He looked up at you with a small smile. Grateful, like he secretly desperately needed some encouragement.

'Final exam. I'm having some trouble with a subejct in particular so I'm...working my ass off, I guess' you chuckled, nodding.

'You definitely are. I'd rather make 1000 work shifts than figure out a subject that I don't get.' he smiled at your honesty. He put away the last book in his leather bag.

'I'm sorry I haven't introduced myself yet, I'm Seungmin.' he extended his hand to you. 'I know', you thought.

'I'm Yn.' you smiled, shaking his hand.

You walked him to the exit, but he stopped another second.

'Thanks for the small talk back there, by the way. I don't remember the last time I didn't speak with a fellow panicked student.' he gave you a lopsided smile, a little shy.

'I understand, don't thank me.' , you paused for a second then decided to shoot your shoot.

'If you're gonna hang around tomorrow around lunch break time, I'll bring a coffe for you too on my way back. I noticed you like it.' you planted your nails in the palm of your hand, cringing. 'Shit, did I just expose myself?'

But, surprisingly, he didn't flinch in disgust and run away. Instead, he took his bottom lip between his teeth, trying to suppress a smile, and nodded.

'Yes, I do. Perhaps too much. But thank you, I'll take that offer gladly.' he responded, 'I like it black with two small sugars, see you tomorrow Yn' he waved you goodbye, leaving you standing there with a stupid smile on your face.

THREE WEEKS AGO

The day after, which was a Friday, as you promised, you showed up to work with two iced coffes. As soon as you arrived you quickly fixed yourself up in the bathroom. The heath and humidity messed up your hair and smudged your make up a bit. You made note to be quick since the coffes were fresh and you didn't want them to melt.

After that you came back out to the counter, avoiding the gaze of your other co-worker, older and with whom you were not close at all, and made your way to Seungmin with the drinks. He noticed you coming right away and smiled shyly, standing up from his chair to greet you.

'Hi' you said, smiling back. You handed him the coffe and he bowed his head grateful.

'Hi. Thank you so much, yn'

'You're welcome, enjoy Seungmin' as you were about to walk back to the counter, he stopped you.

'Hey, do you have time to sit down a while?' you looked around, then back to your co-worker, which didn't seem to be paying attention. Then finally you took a quick glance to the clock on your phone. You still had five minutes before the actual end of lunch break.

'Yes, I have a few minutes'. you exchanged a small smile.

Those five minutes were over way too fast. You asked Seungmin how it was going, and he responded that it certainly went better than two weeks ago. He said that he didn't have much left, so you congratulated him and once again reassured him that he would do fine. And you genuinely thought that, because as you were able to understand from your talks he is great student.

You talked about your families, where you grew up, shared some school experiences, how you ended up working at the library and how he ended up choosing his major.

You mostly talked during your breaks or sometimes you would arrive a few minutes earlier than your shift, or as he arrived he'd stop at the counter before going to his table.

If you were honest, it had been a pretty natural evolution. Like your crush was. Oh absolutely. You couldn't tell wether Seungmin also shared your feelings, but he certainly seemed to appreciate talking with you. As friends, if anything.

Until he didn't come at the library anymore. On the first day, while you were kinda disappointed, you just thought that he finally took a day off from studying, or maybe he was just busy somewhere else.

On the second day, well you were even more disappointed. You still tried to focus on work and play it off, 'he just came here to study 'we just made small talk...for like a week straight'

It's obvious that it stung. Your mind was going 100 miles a minute, and you felt stupid for it. Stand up, for God's sake. So you at about the third theory your mind made up, you just went 'what will be will be'. And went on with your day.

On the third day, he still didn't show up. The idea that this was just a random pleasant meeting was starting to settle in your mind, so you kept on focusing on living like you did a week prior. Well, not actually, since you have 'known' Seungmin by sight for at least three weeks? But you didn't really speak.

You almost made yourself laugh at how you started to gaslight yourself into thinking that you actually made the conversations up. Would be a pretty funny, sad or creepy script. Depending on point of views.

That is, until five forty pm that same afternoon. You almost dropped the books you were re-organizing on a shelf when you recognized the young man enter the library with the corner of your eye. He was looking around. For you...maybe?

A sudden rush of embarassment shot through you for some reason, making you pretend you didn't see him. Or were (not) secretly waiting for him...

Your eyes went back on the books in front of you, as you resumed your task.

"Yn?" ah, shit.

"Seungmin? Hi!" your head turned towards him, as you tried to not betray yourself with your voice.

"Hi. You busy?" he asked with a smile, then caught himself before you could reply "Ah, sorry. You're working, of course you're busy. Eh"

You couldn't help but chuckle at his bashfulness, waving a hand to dismiss his statement.

"It's a Saturday, we close at six. So I have about...twenty-ish minutes 'til I'm off." you replied, then adding "You need some info?"

He looked lost for a second, like a puppy, but after a couple of seconds it hit him and his shy smile came back.

"Ah no, no. I'm done. I gave the exam so I'm done a hundred percent." you squealed a bit, jokingly.

"Congrats! Did it go well?"

"Yes, it did. Very well. Did not get the highest possible grade, but enough on the higher scale to consider myself satisfied. It was a tough one." his pride showed in his tone, which made you smile.

"It was all thanks to my magic daily coffe, actually" his eyebrow rose and his mouth slightly gaped in shock. Then he laughed.

"I'm sure it was" , his expression turned a bit more serious "So magical, I think you should show me this wondrous place." his tone hinted at something. Something that of course you didn't grasp, because instead of flirting back, you pulled out Google maps.

"Sure, let me just look it up-" his hand came up, almost touching yours holding the phone, but then retracted. Seungmin emitted a small, embarassed, laugh.

"No- I meant- I.." he laughed again, dragging a hand across his face, "I'm not the best at this but, okay. I was asking you out. That's- yeah that's it."

The hand holding your phone dropping to your side slowly as he talked, mainly for shock. Damn, you were hoping for it but that was actually more straightforward than you would've expected from him.

"Oh!" you exclaimed, also laughing. At this point out of nervousness or embarassment, you didn't know.

"Seungmin I'm literally so stupid, I'm sorry. The heat and exhaustion must've took its toll on me" you replied, trying to play it off, then quickly added "Yes, by the way. I would love to spend some time with you."

He bit his lip to stifle a chuckle, then nodded with a smile at your response.

"I'm very glad to hear it", Seungmin responded, "How about tomorrow afternoon? We could meet up here and walk together if it's okay with you."

"Yes, sounds perfect", you smiled shyly.

ONE WEEK AGO

You and Seungmin have been officially seeing each other for two weeks now. Key word officially. If you count the meeting, sneaking looks and finally talking like normal people, that would count as almost a whole month.

Ever since your first, cute, coffe date, you have been seeing frequently. You were often working, while he was now free, so he was the one to come to you most times.

That would happen every day at least once. He'd either come see you for a while, giving you company as you worked. Or he would accompany you hom when your shift ended. Aside from the real dates, of course. You've been out for breakfast, lunch and dinner, you went to the movies, walked in the city park, went for ice cream.

And one day, he surprised you. Last sunday he told you to get ready wearing something comfortable and fresh, and just bring yourself. So cute, you thought. And he did not disappoint!

When he picked you up with his car, he drove you to a park. Not your usual city park, which was still beautiful but quite crowded. He brought you to another park, about five minutes away from the city, that was huge and near a lake.

Some people were there, families and couples or simply loners. But it could not compare in fact of crowding and it also felt quite...untouched. Aside from a few benches and drinking fountains, there was nothing man-made.

With one hand he held one of yours, and with the other he was carrying a large bag, like a gym bag.

"Min, it's so beautiful here" you commented dreamily as you watched the pretty ducks and a couple white swans swimming peacefully in the water.

"One of my friends organizes group studies here sometimes. But it's so romantic, I'm sure Hyunjin took his girlfriend here a few times. He's a romantic." he explained, poking a little fun at his friend, making you chuckle.

"And are you?" he turned to gaze at you.

"What?" he asked softly, finally stopping to a perfect spot. Under a huge willow that provided some shelter from the sun, as well as being a few meters awauy from the water.

"Are you a romantic?" you smiled a bit as you watched him bend down to take out the stuff from the bag. He stifled a smiled, then shook his head.

"Nah, I don't think anyone would describe me as that. Quite the opposite actually." you bent down as well to help him set up the picnic.

"You sure? I mean, you did bring your girlfriend to a surprise picnic in the park with swan view so..." you shrugged, jokingly. He rolled his eyes as he settled on the blanket, holding out a hand for you.

"Maybe it's the girlfriend influence. Put a spell on me." you chuckled, sitting down beside him.

"Maybe." you exchanged a sweet look.

That same day, around nine pm when it was finally getting dark, you packed up your stuff and Seungmin brought you back home. He then accompanied you to your doorstep, like a true gentleman.

"Thank you so much for today. It was amazing. You, are amazing." he shook his head gently, looking down as you said it.

"Ah, don't thank me. It was just some sandwiches and some grass." he responded, but then cringed at himself. You couldn't help but give him a light slap on the chest and laugh at that.

"Oh, well. there goes mr. romantic I guess!" he laughed along.

"Told you!"

"Well," you repeated ironically, "Thank you for whatever it was. Food and grass or whatver, 'kay?" he gave you a small smile, nodding.

"Okay, I'll take it. Thank you for spending time with me.", he paused, then shyly looked down and up at your face, "I have one more surprise. If you close your eyes."

Your mouth went slightly agape as you looked back into his sweet dark eyes. You didn't respond, instead just nodded and then closed your eyes as he asked.

After a few seconds you felt him step forward, closer. Then he took one of your hand in his, while placing the other on your cheek. So light you barely felt his skin.

And then, finally, he slowly, but not too much, leaned in and pressed his lips on yours. Again, the touch was so light, like he was afraid to hurt you. So you took matter in your own hands, pressing completely against his lips and bringing your free hand to his cheek as well.

You exchanged a sweet kiss, not longer than a couple of minutes. Lips moving, but not more than that. It was your first ever kiss. It was perfectly fine for that time.

As you parted lips gently, you both found yourselves smiling and blushing so hard. Maybe a bit too much for being twenty years old, but who cares. You were who you were, and things were still quite fresh. Maybe you didn't want to rush it like some others did, and that's okay-

Seungmin made sure that you got in your parent's house okay before driving away with a stupid smile on his face.

A couple of days later you meet up at your, now favorite, coffe place to pick up a drink as you took a stroll and figured out what to do. Neither mentioned the kiss yet per se, but you were definitely a bit more giddy around each other. Like you were in your little, cute, pink stained, bubble. Which was broken as you were standing in line.

"Hey, Min!" you both turned to look back, hearing a guy's voice call out for him. It was two young men, surely your age. One had ginger long-ish hair and the other had shoulder lenght blonde hair. As they walked closer, Seungmin released your hand.

You looked up at him, but he seemed to not have noticed. He looked taken aback. The guys exchanged half hugs, while you took a step back.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Seungmin asked them, both hands suddenly in his jeans' back pockets.

"Well...it's a coffe shop. We're here for coffe. Or iced tea, in my case. You know I don't like that bitter shit." the blonde one replied, a bit sarcastically. The ginger one suddenly seemed to notice you, standing a bit back, waiting patiently for your drink. And maybe something else.

"What about you? You here alone?" he proceeded to ask. The dark haired guy, also seemed to get whiplash, and got a bit confused when he turned to the side and didn't see you there.

He extended his arm, inviting you to step forward.

"Felix, Jeongin, this is yn. Yn, Felix- " he gestured to the blonde guy, "- And Jeongin. My friends." he finished the introduction pointing to the redhead. They both smiled at you politely, offering their hands. You shook them and gave a polite, but unfortunately slightly fake, smile back.

"Nice to meet you." of course you heard about them. Well, Seungmin did name-drop a few people and talked about various different episodes, but didn't quite get into detail about any of them.

"Nice to meet you, too" Jeongin replied, eyes sharp because of his dimply smile.

"Are you the 'someone' Seungmin is seeing, then?" Felix continued, addressing you both as his gaze traveled. He was humorous, but not in a mocking way. Yet, you did not respond. You wanted to see what he was gonna say.

"Yes, she is my girlfriend, you asshole. Like there would be anyone else." you looked down, suddenly feeling his warm palm back in yours. You smiled a bit, relieved. Your mind was already about to start stirring up nonsense.

"Min, you know how this piece of..." Jeongin spared you a quick look before changing his vocabulary.

"This piece of work...is." with that being said he gave his friend a pat on the back and congratulated you both. Just as you were thanking him, the names associated to your orders were called, so Seungmin rushed to the other side of the counter to pick them up.

"Hey, yn, it's actually funny meeting you both here since I wanted to plan a cuples kinda date at the Festival on friday. It's a fair like thing, you know, finger food, rides and shit." Felix explained lazily, "And I wanted to ask Seungmin if you two were up for it. But since you're here, I'm asking you. What do you think, yn?"

"Yeah, why not. You said on friday, right? Perfect."

TODAY, FRIDAY

It was finally fair day. You were nervous, if you had to be honest. Because you'll be meeting new people. Because you'll be meeting people that already know each other. And because you're gonna do it with your boyfriend. Ever since that interaction with Felix and Jeonjin, and Seungmin's reaction...you've been a bit off. Of course you and him kept all your dates and stuff, and there didn't seem to be any difference in him. So maybe, once again, you asked yourself "What if it's me? Am I paranoid? Am I just insecure?". And yeah... you were insecure with yourself, in general.

Whatever it was, you tried to calm yourseld down as much as you could. Blasting music as you picked an outfit, did your hair and make up. You pampered yourself a bit, as they say.

At eight pm sharp Seungmin rang you phone, and you answered with a quick 'be right there' and hung up. You dropped your phone in your perfectly outfit-matched purse. Then took one last look at yourself in the mirror to check for any issues, but there weren't any, so you sighed deeply and walked down the stairs repeating your pep talk to yourself.

Then when you were finally out of the house, Seungmin was waiting outside of the car, leaning on it while looking at his phone.

"Let's go" you said as you walked down to the car, opening the door to the passenger seat. Seungmin quickly joined you inside on driver's seat. He carefully watched around as he got out of his parking spot and then he started driving.

The car ride was quite silent. Not necessarily uncomfortably so, just quiet. As soon as you got there Seungmin made sure to get your door for you this time. He opened the car door and then offered you a hand. You accepted it as you got out, fixing your skirt.

You could already hear the music, the loud voices and even the sweet smell of the food from the fair. You must've been quite close.

"C'mon, Felix texted me that they're waiting just at the entrance." He said, and you nodded.

You walked together and we're soon met with the sight of not two, but three couples. In total, from your perspective, a group of six strangers. You took a deep breath.

"Hey, sorry, there was some traffic" Seungmin apologized, exchanging his usual greetings with his friends. One of them, you didn't know.

"Yeah, 'traffic'" one of the girls laughed, clearly implying something more intimate caused the delay. But it was just, in fact, traffic. That made you feel uncomfortable.

Seungmin must've felt the same, so he brushed her off.

"Anyways, this is Yn, my girlfriend. Yn this is my friend Jisung, the other two you have already met. And those are their partners." He introduced you to Jisung and you shook hands with all of them.

After that you all just kind of went around the fair, from sellers stands, to precision games, strength games, a few stops for salty and sweet food. You were having a pretty nice time.

You didn't talk much, but it didn't bother you. You were shy, and you were not part of this already established group. You and Seungmin though...you barely exchanged a word. And it's not like he was ignoring you for someone else either. He was also quite shy and non talkative.

But the thing that actually put a little crack in your heart each time it happened, is how you noticed the other couples being so different from you two.

From the way that they had no issue teasing each other to no end, be handsy and touchy, sharing clothes when someone was cold, sharing food in intimate ways, jumping on each other to play around. They looked really happy.

So you couldn't quite put a finger on what was most upsetting for you at that moment.

Was is the fact that none of those typical couple behaviors were replicated by Seungmin? Was it the fact that seeing people being so close to each other made you feel like you shouldn't be there? Did you feel left out? Were you jealous? Did you want what they had or were they overwhelming you?

Your head was starting to heat up, and just as you were about to say that you needed some 'uncrowded' air, Seungmin spoke first.

"Hey, me and Yn are going for a ride on the ferry wheel. You guys don't wait for us, alright?" Everyone nodded and acknowledged his words. Then they waved to you both.

You shyly waved back as you walked away with your boyfriend.

"Thank you...I need some air" you said, to which he responded by wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

"Me too, let's go relax in the sky a bit, okay?" You didn't answer back as it was a rethorical question.

You spent a couple of minutes in line, until a new round was announced. So Seungmin gave the man a ticket and then helped you step up the platform. The assistant prepared a two seat carriage for you, then helped you secure it and settle in.

"Have a nice time"

As soon as you were high on the ferry wheel, the first pause was called. So you were stuck. You were still silent, looking over the view and basically trying to relax.

"So...are you having a nice time?" You scoffed at his question. Seungmin was confused.

"Am I having a nice time? Really?" You retorted, bitterly. He frowned, dead serious.

"Is it such a weird question to ask? Is something wrong?" He kept going. The more he opened his mouth the more annoyed you got. He really didn't realize how he has been treating, or well, not treating you?

"I should probably ask that to you. Is something wrong?", you mocked, " What is it, uh? Are you embarassed of me? Is it because we so painfully and clearly didn't fuck yet? Is that why? "

Seungmin widened his eyes in shock. He doesn't think he has ever heard you talk like this. In fact, you have never even had an argument before. Is that what was happening ?

"Yn, call down. What are you talking about? Why would I be embarrassed of you, are you crazy?" His bitterness was starting to match yours.

"Crazy? Nah I'm quite sure I didn't imagine you not making the slightest effort to make me feel included, or simply cared of all night." Your eyes were starting to well up with tears, so you had to look down as you talked, trying not to full on cry.

"You didn't even try to do a single thing that the other couples did. Didn't offer me your jacket, hell didn't even ask if I was cold in the first place." , you shook your head in disappointment, " Didn't offer nor share food, didn't hold my hand. Kiss my cheek. Kiss me. You didn't even introduce me as you girlfriend. 'Yn'. Who the fuck is even yn, I could well be your damn cousin for all that matters!" when you were finally done getting everything off your chest, you just turned away from him, hiding your trembling lips with your hand.

There were a few minutes of silence after that. The only sounds that you heard were the screams of happy kids on the rides, laughter, general confused conversation and music. But it was quite far. Like you were watching it all unfold from high above. Which you were, but the ferry wheel wasn't that tall. It was mostly about the feeling of alienation.

"I'm sorry Yn." Seungmin's voice startled you a bit. You remained alert but didn't turn around, yet.

"I know you won't believe me, but I didn't even notice. Or, well, I noticed how they were behaving. Of course I did." , he paused and sighed, "I guess that I couldn't make you feel included because I, myself, didn't feel like it.” at that point your turned around, still not looking up. But you wanted him to know that you were listening to him.

"You know, I wasn't kidding when I said that I wasn't a romantic. You are my first girlfriend. Not first crush, but first real girlfriend. I finally thought that I was man enough to be what a girl deserved to have at her side, but now I realize sadly that maybe I am still that cynical, scared to express his feelings, child." He spoke with sadness and disappointment in his voice.

You desperately wanted to hug him and comfort him, but you knew that now it was important for both of you to have this conversation. And for him to open up.

"I noticed you. I noticed how uncomfortable you seemed to be, and that made me even more anxious and sad. But I would've never thought that it was because you thought that I didn't want you here or I was embarrassed of you. I honestly thought the opposite. Maybe because of the confidence and freedom and chemistry they have."

"But we have it too, yn. They are full on fireworks, volcanoes. They shine so bright because they had the time to get there. We are merely a delicate, little candle. Our little light that has yet to grow. And I don't know if maybe you expect more or wanted more from me, but I am happy to go at our place if you are." He sniffled a bit but tried to catch himself quickly, "Please forgive me."

And at that point you couldn't hold it anymore, you cried as you hugged him tight. He hugged you too, caressing your hair with one of his hands to soothe you.

"I'm so sorry I was shit to you" you cried on his chest. His chest trembled a bit, but it wasn't from crying. He was laughing softly.

"No you were right. If I made you feel like shit then it's your right to tell me. I'm sorry." He kissed your head, " I am not embarrassed of you. You are stunning, educated, smart, funny and you're perfect for me. We understand each other, do we not?"

"Yes, we do." You replied, leaning back to look at his face. He still has shiny eyes but he didn't cry. You placed your hand on his cheek, and he nuzzled it gently with his nose.

"Everything that you said it's true. We are still so new. We only had one kiss, for god's sake. And not even with tongue!" He chuckled, squinting his eyes in bashfulness.

"We don't need to conform nor fake for anyone. We have out own pace and that's okay. And no, I was never once disappointed in you Seungmin. I'm so fond of you. I love the way you think, the way you speak, the way you treat me with so much respect. That's why I think tonight was a bit of a whiplash."

"I'm sorry" he repeated, but you shook you head and took both of his cheeks in your hands. His eyes found yours.

"Enough of that. I'm actually really glad that we talked like adults and sorted it out. You agree?" He nodded, a small smile appearing on his lips.

"I'd really like to say something right now, but I want to save it for another occasion." He said, and you nodded as well, understanding what he meant.

"It's okay, I agree"

"I would like to show you my affection in another way, though. If you'll have me." His knuckles caressed your cheek. You smiled, taking the lead.

"I think I know what you mean..." And with that you leaned in and closed the space between your lips.

He smiled in the kiss and cupped your face, starting to move his lips. But this time, from lips, you moved on to tiny licks, soft bites and then a full on make out session.

Both of you were so lost in the moment, probably releasing the tension, that you didn't hear the announcement that the ride was over.

Instead, you got startled by the carriage moving down. So much in fact that you hugged each other tight, then laughed. You were so happy at that moment, you didn't want to break your happy bubble again.

"How about we go home and spend a cozy night in with movies and snacks?" You asked, leaning your head on his shoulder.

"Enough adventures for today?" He joked. You nodded and he chucked, kissing your head.

"Alright. I'm gonna text Jeongin that we're wrapping up. Then we can go home and do again whatever we were doing now." He stated, making you giggle.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Hope you enjoyed! Interact if you did, you'd do wonders for my writer self esteem lol

See you at the next! 🤍

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themissingnumbers · 29 days ago

Text

WARNING: FLASHING/GLITCHING IMAGE UNDER THE CUT. This also contains descriptions of gore and body horror.

[ @pkmn-monochrome - Previously... ]

Red narrows his eyes as he stares down at Cody, shutting up and listening as they explain. The corners of his lips twitch as they finish, the shadow cast over his eyes falling ever so slightly heavier.

"... So, that's how it is, hm?"

"Barely... any different..."

"... Exactly what I..."

"..."

"I've gotta say, you've really got a way with words! You're so articulate when you're scared, Cody."

He snickers to himself, hopping off the grave and pacing around, looking between the other and the Ghosts.

"Observant, too~! You're right, I really couldn't be bothered to care what you think of me. I'm not exactly here to make friends. I'm sure that'd the last thing you'd want, anyways! See, I'm just here to satiate some curiosity."

He leans in front of Blastoise, tilting his head.

"I would like to formally apologize to the oversized Sobble-in-a-shell for my language. I'm not exactly used to being around others... Twenty-six years of imprisonment wouldn't really teach a guy to have a filter, heh."

He waves a hand nonchalantly, completing the circle.

"And as for your marketable figurine of a rat, well... I'm not interested in being a snotty kid forever. Unfortunately, I don't need any hacking done to screw up my game badly enough to change some things around.

But, hey... I'm not here to make chit-chat with a couple of one-note monsters. It's all about you, the most REAL one in this room. Cody, Cody, Cody, star of the show~! Let's get back to the point. I know you don't exactly think highly of... things like me. What was it you told that one poor girl- 'You've had more than a decade to get over yourself,' right?"

He throws his head back, cackling as if the old remark is the funniest thing he's heard in his life.

"I meant it when I said that I don't CARE. But I AM nosy, and your vitriol towards REDs in particular is just so interesting... Even seein' the face clearly strikes a nerve. So honestly, I'd LOVE to hear EXACTLY what you're thinking..."

"If only you were willing to spit out any fighting words, that is! But you've been so much more polite than I expected, after all the reading I've done..."

He passes by in front of the other, looking off into the distance.

In that moment- a moment of passing footsteps, of the blink of an eye, of a lack of care... something heavy fills the air.

A damning presence looks down on Cody with a dozen eyes, countless mouths, gnashing teeth and twitching claws, two hundred and fifty-five whispering voices. It's a disgusting and shambling creature, a sick and unholy patchwork of amalgamated hearts and yellowed blood, wrapped up in tattered flesh and backwards fur, mismatched feathers and scales and blubber and skin. Writhing, wheezing, bleeding, rotting, every misplaced piece existing out of sync.

Something impossible. Unknowable. Invalid.

The feeling it imposes upon them is suffocating. Like not breathing for years, like something vile filling their lungs, a sickness that is rising, thrashing, tearing, desperate for a taste of "fresh meat" if one could even call a dead trainer that anymore.

"It almost seems like there's something you're worried about," the voices from within it hiss, layered countless times under the casual and teasing tone of Red's own that is lost under the madness...

... Yet the instant the words spill from his lips, that awful sensation is gone as quickly as it arrived. Everything is as it should be. Despite how intense it was... It was little more than two seconds of some sick kind of illusion.

Was it even real? Was that pain all false? Red hasn't lifted a finger, no less even looked Cody's way.

It's as if nothing even happened.

"I wonder, I wonder, what it could be~?" the man babbles on as he walks away, feigning ignorance- because he must be, he must be screwing around with them at this point, right? How could he NOT be?

And now he's laughing- giggling to himself under his breath, like this whole ordeal is some joke that only he's in on.

"After all, I'm just some harmless little video game character. I'm not even real, right?" he chides, "Certainly nothing like one of your big bad players who could crush your shoddy little cartridge cause you decided to be a little bi..."

He trails off, managing to catch himself.

"... Decided to misbehave. What, you don't think I hold any real power over this place, do you~? I can't cause..."

"... Permanent damage."

He slows to a stop several paces away from the monochromatic trainer, spinning on his heel to look at them with a smile that could be described as warm, but...

From heart, to flesh, to grin- there's not a single warm thing about this man in this moment. Only proven further by a final remark, laced with a threatening kind of curiosity.

"So would you like to stop trying to play nice and tell me what you really think of me... Or are you gonna let me get bored?"

#missing numbers #pokemon monochrome #mn noncanon #body horror #gore #[<- described in text]#eyestrain #flashing #scopophobia #glitching #[HOHHGOH ITS FINALLY DONE. ive been juggling a buncha different stuff for a while but i really hope this is worth it TvT]#[i like writing red being scary this is fun]#['i'll treat interactions and rps more casually' i said. and Yet]

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nights-legacy · 10 months ago

Text

What Agreement?! - Bakugou x Reader

Main Masterlist ~ MHA Masterlist ~ #2

I hope you like this!

Requested by @simply-trash5

1722 Words

+ You and Bakugou had been close ever since 1st year. After graduation, you two stayed close. From working at the same agency to being with each other's go for almost everything. Save for the few things he only shares with Deku and Kirishima. You thought from how personal and soft he sometimes acted with you, that he shared your feelings for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N's POV

I sighed as the train ride seemed to take forever. I could hear the whispers and clicks of people's phones from both sides of me. I ignored it, having got used to it over the past couple of years. Finally the train made it to the station and I quickly got off while dialing my phone.

"Hello?" Mina chirped on the other end.

"Hey Mina. Sorry I'm late. I'm just a few blocks away so I'll be there in a few minutes.

"Great! I was starting to wonder. But Y/N, to have is something you should know. Kat..." The sound of some fangirls coming towards me caught my attention.

"Damn. I thought they were going to leave me alone. You'll have to tell me later Mina. I'll be there in a few minutes." I hung up the phone.

After about 10 minutes, I was able to slip away to get to the party. I walked a few blocks to the restaurant. I was greeted first by Sero outside who was out for a smoke. I found Mina next who as soon as she saw me, she looked panicked a bit.

"What's wrong Mina? You look like you've seen the worst thing in the world." I chuckled. "Where's Bakugou? You mentioned him."

"Not the worst for me but for you maybe." I gave her an amused but curious look.

"Okay now you have to tell me." We walked into the actual room for our party.

"Well let's just say, um... Katsuki..." I listened to her until Katsuki's voice caught my attention. I quickly zeroed in on him, only for my stomach to drop by what I saw. Katsuki was standing across the room next to Kirishima. Kirishima wasn't the deal, it was Katsuki's arm around some girl I've never seen before, shoulders. "Yeah that."

"He has a... date?"

"Yeah. I tried to warn you on the phone. I'm sorry."

"I, um... That's fine." I stuttered.

"Y/N?" Katsuki looked over at that moment and saw me. He waved me over.

"I'll talk to you later, Mina." I walked over to the three standing there. Kirishima and I swapped greetings before he gave me a sympathetic smile and walked away.

"Y/N. This is Maya. My girlfriend. Maya, this my best friend Y/N."

"Nice to meet you." I shook her hand. "Wow Kats. A girlfriend. I had no idea."

"Yeah. We wanted to keep it on the down low from everyone until we got more comfortable With each other."

"Oh that makes sense. Especially with our crazy friend group." I forced a chuckle. Plus, to prove my point Denki screamed something across the room before the lights flickered.

"Spark plug..." Kat muttered. Maya giggled and set her hand on Kat's chest. My throat closed off at seeing how close they were. Kat still didn't like us touching him outside a high five, a shoulder touch, or back slap even after all these years.

"Well, I'm going to greet a few of the others. It was nice meeting you Maya."

"It was nice meeting you too!" She said sweetly. I smiled and walked away. I could feel my eyes stinging as I walked towards a blurring figure with purple hair.

"Hey there Stormy." Shinso greeted me softly. I wiped my eyes. I looked up and he gave me a sad smile.

"Hi." I greeted.

"Come here." He held out his arm. I settled into his side and he hugged me tight. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was bound to happen."

"Yeah. But we all thought it would be with you." He said softly. "Rooting for it actually."

"Yeah. Sorry to disappoint."

As the weeks went by, Kat invited me out to hang with him in Maya. I went most of the time but eventually I started to distance myself from him. Kats kept calling to hang out but I made every excuse to say no. I even started to pair up more with other heroes for shifts.

"Okay. I'm heading out for the day." I said as I packed up my stuff. I stood up from my desk and grabbed my bag.

"See ya later." Sero said while saving over his shoulder. "Oh by the way. Katsuki is getting real antsy about why you've been avoiding him."

"I haven't been avoiding him. I've been avoiding ... them, together." I admitted. He sighed and turned to me.

"Y/N, babe. I know seeing him with someone hurt but he is still my best friend. You keep acting like this, you're going to hurt him."

"I know." I plopped down in my chair. "It just hurts seeing the man I'm in love with with someone else. I mean it was bound to happen but I didn't think... I mean, Kat never showed interest in dating much, ever."

"I know. It took us all by surprise. Even Deku."

"I just can't stand the sight of them being all lovey. It's like a knife to the heart thrice times over."

"Um... Y/N."

"And I'm so in love with him that I don't know if I can get past this."

"Y/N..."

"I can't help but love him, Sero." I said before looking up at him. He looked a little pale and gave me an apologetic smile. I gave him a confused look.

"You what?!" A familiar voice snapped from my right. I quickly looked to see Kat standing there with a confused glare.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" I panicked, looking at Sero.

"I tried!" I looked back at Kat and he stood there with his cams crossed.

"Kat."

"Explain." He said in a condescending tone. The tone made me a little upset. And hurt. I looked away and got up.

"I'm leaving." I walked towards the elevator.

"Oh no you don't." He snapped and followed. I rolled my eyes and covered him in fog so he couldn't follow.

Later that night, I was sitting on my couch watching some TV. There was a familiar knock on the door that made me freeze up. I looked at the foyer before getting up. I walked to the door and opened it.

"Really? Fog?" He said unimpressed.

"Worked didn't it." I said. He rolled my eyes. I went to close the door.

"Wait!" He put a hand on the door keeping it open.

"Kat, I can't do this right now."

"Y/N. Please let me in. We need to talk." He said quietly, trying to hide the fact that he was pleading.

"I don't want to." I started to close the door again.

"It wasn't real!" He shouted, panicked. I paused and reopened the door.

"What wasn't real?" He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. I finally noticed how disheveled he looked, like he had gotten dressed in a flurry and his hair was entirely out of place.

"The relationship with Maya." He said. I was silent for a minute.

"WHAT?!" I exclaimed. He bit his lip. "Get in here!"

"Okay." He stepped in and kicked off his shoes. We walked in farther.

"Explain!" I snapped.

"Maya and I made this little agreement."

"Agreement?"

"Yeah um."

"So you lied to everyone?" I said in disbelief

"Well, yeah." He said. "But..."

"Katsuki!" I scoffed. I was pissed at him. "Why would you do this?! This isn't like you. You don't lie!"

"I know but..." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"I just can't believe you would do this and..."

"Will you just listen to me?" He snapped. I looked at him only half surprised.

"Yeah, yeah." I nodded. He sat down.

"I did it because I thought it would make you jealous and if you had feelings for me, you would speak up or do something. When you didn't I figured you didn't have feelings for me." He sighed heavily and sat back on the couch. "But then I heard you today."

"Shit. Right." I muttered and hugged myself.

"Maya agreed to help me and I shouldn't have done it but I did. It hurt us both in the end." He let his head fall into his hands. I had never seen him act like this, so it must really be bothering him. I sat down next to him. "I nearly caused myself to nearly lose another best friend. Again."

"You haven't lost me." I said softly. He looked over at me.

"I haven't?" I could see the doubt hidden in his eyes.

"No. I wasn't going to leave you. I just needed time to get past the fact you were with someone else. As you probably heard me say to Sero, I'm in love with you and it hurt to see you with Maya." I admitted. "I had to face it sooner or later but I wasn't going anywhere."

"Oh. Good." We sat there in an awkward silence. I was looking down at my lap. "Hey, look at me."

"What?" I looked up at him. He took a big breath. Cupping my chin, he moved in closer.

"Tell me to stop and we can go back to being friends." He said. There was a beat of silence before I pulled him in the rest of the way by his shirt. The kiss was the complete opposite then you would think coming from Bakugou Katsuki. It was sweet and longing when I thought it would be, well rough and hard.

"We are not going back to being just friends." I said when I pulled away. He chuckled and slithered his arms around my hips, pulling me close. He pulled me into another more passionate kiss.

"Fuck no." He said breathlessly.

"I think we need to thank Maya majorly. We owe her big time." I chucked.

"Oh she benefited from the arrangement too." I lifted an eyebrow in confusion and curiosity.

"How so?"

"She was trying to make the girl she likes jealous too. Except, it worked in her favor." He huffed and did his trademark Bakugou pout. I giggled. I looked up at the clock.

"Okay come on." I stood up, holding out my hand. He gave me a bitch face but took my hand anyway.

"What?"

"We're going out for something to eat." I pulled him up. "And you're paying."

"Fine but I get to pick the place." He smirked.

"Fine by me."

Tag List: @iris-shihabi @cl0verbby @lilparcheesie @keigos-baby-bird @evilunicorns4minions

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aingeal98 · 11 days ago

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For some reason I’ve always imagined Dinah to be the last person who knows she’s a couple with babs. Just fully like “sure I am completely devoted to her and have her voice in my ear constantly that I listen to almost without question and we have sex sometimes but that’s just a normal part of having a handler” and babs is like you’ve been my girlfriend for five years.

Dhdkdjdhdh I can see it. Babs having multiple freak outs because she's Dinah's girlfriend but also her boss and if she spends all this money on her accommodation this mission will Dinah expect an actual luxury date? What should they do outside of work? How can Babs top this? What if Dinah doesn't like what she sees? What if Babs opens herself up too much and makes herself vulnerable? Meanwhile Dinah does not have a clue Babs sees them as dating and is making sugar baby jokes that are sending Babs into moral crisis every single time. Babs takes her on a date post mission and kisses her goodnight and Dinah's just like damn I love the reward from a job well done. And that's all she thinks it is for months until Babs finally snaps and demands to know why she has to be the one to plan every single date and Dinah's like... Because I'm the one doing the missions? You're my boss? It's a work thing?

Top 10 most awkward conversations to happen in the clocktower. Babs wipes the footage but Helena will always remember the first few minutes before they asked her to leave and will bring them up whenever she needs to embarrass them.

#dc #dc rambles #barbara gordon #asks #Dinah Lance #Dinahbabs

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machapelady · 6 months ago

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Bake me a Bun

Soap/Retired!Soap x f!reader Fluff with a slight suggestive line, daydreaming, get this man a baby. Mild stalking(?) I do not know if I should be continuing this ^^ (There will be eventual smut if I keep writing this, also might end up adding some TW because we all know what happens when you tell stories about wounded soldiers) Divider credits go to @vibeswithrenai , lovely work, I recommend checking them out ^^

Johnny is at his roots, a family man. Scottish mead flows through his veins, so does the sweet pie his grandma used to bake.

Before retiring, Soap liked to spend some of his 'vacations' with the whole MacTavish family. Lunch here, brunch there, and kids that flap their pa's kilt just before dinner. He would play chase with the wee lads, loved by his nephews and known as 'Big Uncle'. Often carrying two rascals at a time, or letting losing against them on a hand to hand battle, he was a truly warm and homecoming man.

"John, when ya givin' me sum' wee bairns?" His nan would often ask.

To what his answer would be, between gritted teeth "No bon, no bun, nan. Army giv' no time f'tha"

And so then, he was shot.

Retirement didn't treat him that badly, just gave him a rather permanent headache and a scar on his temple.

Doctors told him to stay put, to enjoy his free time on the hospital' open gardens, the oxygen would do him good they said. But Soap was not a man that would be sitting there, staying still after years of battlefield, movement and stress.

Yet, after trying to get away a couple of times and finally sat down by Price, he took the orders and stayed put like a good kid.

He owed Simon one. The man had managed to push him a fraction away from the bullet trajectory, earning himself a sprained ankle. He would often visit Johnny when free, although for a brief time, dropping telltales of what the squad had been up to. Gaz was the one to stick around most, nagging him about finally being out of the hellhole that being a SAS operator was. They would watch their football together, until nurses told him that they needed to do a check-up.

On a rare sunny day, the whole squad visited him. Price had brought a letter from Alejandro, wishing him the best recovery, and to visit whenever he felt like. The wind almost blew the paper away, sitting in a bench under a tree.

"Bet ya miss us son" John muttered, a tired smile on his face. Soap groaned, rolling his eyes, "honestly, I think I prefer t'share some sweat with yall, rather than this hell of a cell" Even Simon laughed at that.

" 's no sunshine 'round. Bloody white walls fucking strain my eyes every single damn day" He would keep complaining. "I don't miss ya nagging tho" Ghost quipped teasingly.

And so they laughed, walking around looking like a group of old childhood friends that threw shit at each other, being Gaz the one with the most pointy comments "I can't fathom sleep without ya snoring Soap"

Something bumped against Price, earning their stop and a tiny, quiet "sorry" from a tiny, young voice. It was a young lad, no more than six summers at his back. He looked rather scared; faced by an old man, a wounded soldier, a guy with only his eyes visible and a piercing gaze under a cap.

Price squatted "No need to be, lad. Where's ya mum?" The kid shook his head and pointed to a woman, not far away from their position, that was surrounded by kids. She seemed stressed, looking around with wide eyes until she spotted the young boy.

"Oh Matt! Don't go running away like that you little rascal!" She rushed to the kid, and made eye contact with the Captain. "I'm so sorry sir, can't really keep all the kids still sometimes"

"Visit trip?" Price tilted his head slightly, to what she nodded. "We like to show the young ones to respect the injured" Her smile was almost as warm as the sun that day. "They gotta learn more than numbers and letters in school after all"

She took the kid away after apologizing once again, urging the little one to go back with the whole group, that she graciously guided around the hospital garden.

A second pair of blues followed her around as she went by, earning a chuckle from Kyle "Looks like he has a reason to stay here now"

"Hells Bells" The only thing he could say.

For what he could see from his room's window, it was a whole week of field trips for different classes.

To his eyes, she paraded around with the kids, with a sweet smile and warm eyes, showing the little humans things around, be it the entrances, the pond, or making small talk with some old lady that was condemned to stay her last days in that white prison. Like he felt, incarcerated for his health, until the doctors decided his wound and other past poorly healed injuries would not hinder him from having a "normal" life from now on.

For you, you were trying to show the kids some hospitality, to be respectful and appreciate the healthcare and what it could do for the people. For them to listen to the old tales of those veterans in life, or to enjoy the breeze and the grass after walking around for a long time.

Johnny was mesmerized. Completely lost in those warm expressions you always had dancing on your face, or in how you guided the children with caressing palms. Maybe it was the ring of your voice, that now rose above the constant tingle of his newly acquired wound, or the manners that you carried around. He felt strangely isolated in the room, a constant need to go outside and enjoy the grass, of course he wasn't trying to get a chance to talk with you.

Right?

So there he was, again in a bench. And that day he decided to hang his dog tags around his neck. "What a show-off" Simon groaned before saying goodbye couple of hours ago. "Don't come sulking if you scare her away you mutt", and a pat on the back.

It was the same boy as the other day, the one that approached him mesmerized by the shining plates on his neck. Matt sat on the floor, inquiring about what did Johnny do for a living. 'What is that? What do you do? Oh that's so cool!' he would chirp here and there.

Johnny couldn't really say no to the wee thing in front of him, puffing his chest and sharing some of his less-bloodied trips. The puff was taken down by a sudden nervousness when he saw you approaching again.

"Matt how many times do I have to tell you not to go astray from the group" She came already scolding the boy. "Oh, you are from the other day, right sir?"

Ah, she remembered him.

"Just doin' me time in here for a bit" Johnny answered with a boyish smile. "Can't blame the wean, he was all giddy 'n' interested"

"And what might that interest be?" You squatted a bit, poking Matt's cheek. "Miss. L/n this is Soap!" Oh, he got your last name now, maybe Laswell was willing to do some digging as a reward for his honorary actions right? Did he just call you Miss? That in his mind was a Jackpot. "And what does...Mr. Soap do?" She looked at him from bellow, her eyes flickering to his dog tags for a second. "I just tell old tales of sweaty men trying to save the world"

You weren't able to peel Matt from his spot, resigned, decided to indulge in some old stories, bringing the whole group so they could all listen to a veteran's yapping.

"So my mate, you see, big scary man with a mask" He would say, "took'em all down real fast i'm telling ya"

His eyes would often flick from kid to kid, landing on your face. To his delight, you were also caught in his stories, attentive eyes and full focused on how his mouth moved.

"And I was all alone! Havin' to scramble what I could! Bad men trynna catch me but I'm telling yall, nobody cannae stop the Soap" The boasting was impressive. How proud Johnny was of his doings, how he managed to tell his story in Las Almas without mentioning the cartel, or the corruption. "Even took a bloody bullet!" He pointed to his fresh scar, still healing. And that's when he saw your eyes turn somber, rather cold. "Alright kids, Mr. Soap here has lot's of stories, but surely that means he's very tired right? Let's go visit more places around!" After insisting a bit, you peeled the children away from his circle and quickly whispered to him with a disappointed gaze "I do have no doubt on what you did to protect people, but please, showing wounds and violence to children is not appropriate"

When you turned away, he sulked. He had fucked up. Ghost was right, he showed off too much and fucked up big time. He wanted to chase after you, to grab your wrist and apologize. To promise not to use those marks again if it meant seeing your bonnie face.

Yet knowing it would only make it worse, he silently went away, locking himself in the white room and not letting the nurses come in.

"Fucked up" He told Price. "Bonnie thing didn't like when I told the bairns about the bullet"

He earned a sigh, and a folder on his lap. "Didn't Simon tell you to slow down? I'm glad you still got some energy in you, son." Soap cursed under his breath, taking the folder and giving it a quick read. "You know me Sir"

Your whole legal name was there. Education, birthplace, family. Everything. Just a normal civilian, with a normal job. A teacher, the daughter of a warm family.

The folder didn't explain your charming eyes, or the small smiles you would make when a child showed you something. The information didn't do you any beauty, and he was pissed.

He had to hear it from you. Your own name, then his. Then again his name between some whispers or whimpers even. Not long after, Price took him for a walk, trying to pull him away from the constant frown that adorned his forehead.

It was Friday, he could tell you were a bit more energetic than the past day. Guessed it was the last visit you had to bring to the hospital, the last time he would probably see you if he was the one to respect boundaries. But what boundaries if he already had your address and identification number.

"You thinkin' about her still?" Price inquired, sipping on some cheap tea from the cafeteria. "Can't shake it cap. I just cannae. I gotta go tell her I'm sorry or sumthin'" He crossed his arms on his chest, right leg nervously bouncing under the table. "You seen how she look' with the bairns?" That earned a chuckle from the older man.

And bless the heavens he thought, when you entered the room with the group of children, dividing them in groups around multiple tables and asking the barista to make around thirteen milkshakes. You stayed on the counter, counting each quid to later report it to the school.

Price stood up, gave Johnny a pat on the shoulder. "Second try won't hurt you more than the first" He walked away, leaving Soap to shed his personal coat, turning into the homeboy Johnny once more.

"Hey"

You sighed, looking at him. "Sorry 'bout the other day. Got carried away" he mumbled "thought wee things would like something more...thrilling"

"Still not the best thing to say"

"I ken"

"They kept repeating your stories after that." His eyes flickered "Even started calling the other patients by 'sir' or 'ma'am'" Finally you met his eyes, hiding a shudder under your skin feeling like he was seeing right past your soul with those blue gems. This of course didn't pass by him.

"Ya enjoyed 'em?"

"Perhaps"

He leaned in a bit, not yet getting into your space, but enough to give you a tiny whiff of his soft scent. Was it citrusy? Warmth was on it, a little bit fruity but not overwhelming. You could swear there was a tinge of all-in-one shampoo too.

"Okay, yes. I liked your stories." Finally surrendering to his observing gaze, you relaxed on the counter a bit, the barista slowly pulling out the milkshakes. "Still, too bloody for some group of children"

"Hm. You know, even me ol' boss scolded me" The most heavenly chuckle swarmed his ears. "The man with the hat?" Johnny flashed a smirk, eyebrows gathering in the middle giving you an apologizing look and offering you his hand "Johnny's the name"

Johnny helped you bring the milkshakes to the tables, and again started telling his stories. This time with your consenting look, avoiding violence or blood on them.

There was a tiny difference now. His eyes weren't the only ones fluttering between the children and you. Lost in him, in his pearls, sometimes having to scramble your brains to understand his accent and phrasing. Unable to keep eye contact for long, covering your flush by turning your attention to the kids.

You couldn't really lie, he was charming. A warm smile and soft, piercing eyes. A voice that was like silk, but sometimes rugged, unable to ignore how his hands, rather calloused, accompanied the movements of his voice. The dog tags that he still wore, now tucked under his shirt, chain making waves over his collarbone, adorned by a thick and strong neck.

He seemed less proud, and more invested into the stories now. It wasn't about boasting anymore, but a constant fight to keep the kids hooked, and subsequently you too. He bathed proudly on how your cheeks would rose up a bit, or how you fidgeted with the soft fabric sometimes tracing the figures of the funny and childish patterns you wore. He wanted to up the tone, to impress you more like a bird trying to court his counterpart.

But he was a trained man that rarely made mistakes, a quick learner on top of that, not hitting the same rock twice.

Time passed, milkshakes were empty and some kids couldn't keep their eyes fully open. With a rather tired voice, a little raspy from the constant storytelling he chuckled at the wobbly tiny heads in front of him.

"Tired them all" You softly smiled, exhaustion also apparent on your face.

"Do I pass the test, Miss. L/n? Stories good enough?" He leaned slightly against you, a friendly shoulder bump earning another holy chuckle from your lips. "I give you an 8, missed some staging".

"Oh lass, I cannae be doin' backflips and shi- stuff" He corrected himself and tapped to his temple, the scar now healing better "Quite rude to be askin' tha' from a poor wounded soldier"

With a smile, you dismissed him and woke up some of the kids, telling them it was already time to go back home. Some of them whined, wanting to listen to more stories, trying to make you promise for it, something that Johnny eagerly supported, teasing you a bit. Others were completely fried, yawning and rubbing their eyes.

Before leaving the cafeteria, you turned around and thanked him. "Johnny, right? Mine is Y/n" Oh but that he already knew, although it didn't bother him hearing it from your mouth.

What he didn't know was that you would visit him next Monday, taking with you some homemade buns you had made, showing gratitude for his help the past week.

Maybe he didn't fuck up that much, and maybe he could win you over by winning over the kids.

And he was good with children.

#cod x reader #soap x reader #johnny soap mactavish #cod soap #johnny soap mctavish x reader #tf 141 x reader #cod #soap cod #johnny mactavish #fem reader

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okminer07 · 4 months ago

Text

Back with another story with no name Pt 1

This has been marinating in my head for a little bit, but I wasn't sure if I should write it. I ended up doing so to cure some writer's block. Let me know if you're interested and if I should continue it alongside my other stuff.

Jeremy's leg began to bounce nervously as he hung up the phone. He had decided; that today would be the day he'd ask her. The question was, how the fuck was he supposed to do that? If he hadn't been able to do it for the last three years, what made him think he could ask Lily out now?!

He sighed, getting up from the couch and heading to the kitchen. Several granola bar wrappers already littered the coffee table, but he really needed another one. Maybe it was his nerves making him so hungry? He had no idea. Opening the pantry, he fished out the box only to find it empty. He groaned, shoving the box back on the shelf and closing the pantry door. Though he was still hungry, he didn't want to spend too much of his grandma's money while she was away, lest she think he was blowing it all and never leave him alone again. It annoyed him slightly, that just now after turning seventeen she decided he was ready to be home alone for more than a night or two.

The house wasn't much different with her gone; still dark, still quiet, still always dusty. However, there was one thing to gain from her absence. She'd never let him have friends stay overnight. Well, now was his chance, and what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

His nerves kicked right back into gear at the thought of having Lily actually spend the night. She'd come over before yes, but her agreeing to spend the night just made him feel like he had to make a move. The thought made him nervous, but also giddy beyond belief.

That feeling was dashed though when he looked in the full-length mirror across the hall by the front door. He frowned, the only thing he really had going for him was his decent build, but that seemed pointless when coupled with his height. Standing at 5'3", he felt like some dwarf out of Lord of the Rings or Dungeons & Dragons. There was also the fact that he just wasn't what most of the girls at school would call handsome. His plain brown hair sat like a messy mop on top of his head due to him always forgetting to get it cut and his bulbous nose made him look almost like an orc.

He glared down at the ground, before marching right up to the mirror. If he was going to pull this off, he'd have to crank up the charisma. Clearing his throat, he looked his reflection right in the eye before smiling, "Hey Alice, glad you could come." No no, that made him sound like a pussy. He fixed his face up in a confident smirk, "How's it going Alice, you are looking damn fine today." He shot finger guns at the mirror only to slap himself in the face, "Stupid. That's stupid. No one does that."

Jeremy sighed. Would he even be able to do this? What if he screwed up so bad she left? or worse? He looked back up at his reflection, straightening and rolling his shoulders back, "Alice, there's something I've been wanting to tell you for some time now, I- Ach!"

Out of nowhere, pain bloomed from his chest. Burning, aching pain that pulsated in waves and began to spread out to his limbs. His legs gave out from under him. Falling to his knees, he gritted his teeth, clenching his fists.

"W-wha- what the hell?!" he managed to squeeze out before he yelled out as the pain increased tenfold and a resounding snapping noise filled his ears. Vision blinded, Jeremy over onto his side, curled up in the fetal position as he clawed at the floorboards in agony. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think. All he could do was writhe on the floor while it felt like every bone and muscle in his body was being ripped apart.

It stopped. As suddenly as it had started, it stopped. Jeremy gasped for air, sweat dripping from his face. W-what… What happened? His hand came up to rub his forehead as he sat up. He began to stand up.

"Ah!" his hands flew up to the top of his head, having hit something. He recoiled, hunching his back and finally opening his eyes.

He froze.

He was looking down at himself, seeing his cargo pants now resemble beige shorts that hugged his bottom half so tightly it was becoming uncomfortable. The red shirt he had been wearing now looked like a very short, cropped top. His heart began to race. He looked up only to have all the air in his body leave him.

The familiar open-planned kitchen and living room lay before him, looking the same as it always had except for one glaring detail. Everything seemed so much closer to the ground and even smaller. He was seeing everything from much higher up, he was higher up!

He raised his hands and looked up, gaping as he ran his fingers across the ceiling. The ceiling that had always been over eight feet high!

"H-holy- holy shit." he breathed, backing away. His skin erupted in goosebumps when he hit the nearest wall, "Holy shit!"

Jeremy shoved himself away from the wall, falling to the floor with a loud thud. He whipped his head around every which way as he backpedaled further away. This isn't happening, this can't be happening! His body began to tremble as he looked down at himself and then back at his surroundings. He was taller, bigger. He had grown!

"No, no!" he scrambled to his feet, crying out when his head smacked against the ceiling again. His hands came up and began grabbing and pulling bunches of his hair, "T-this is not happening!" he yelled to himself, "You're dreaming, this is just a dream!"

He stumbled over to the kitchen and wrenched open one of the cabinets, yelping when the whole door was ripped off by his own hand. The door clattered to the floor as he hastily dropped it and hurried over to the sink. Bending down, he reached out his shaking fingers and turned the tap. He cupped his hands, gathering up the water before promptly splashing himself in the face.

"Wake up, come on, wake up." When he opened his eyes, nothing had changed, "Come on wake up!" he cried, filling up his cupped hands again and splashing more water onto himself, "Wake up! Wake up!" when nothing changed, he began to slap his face, "Fucking wake up!" he closed his eyes, praying that he'd be staring up at his bedroom ceiling when he opened them. Instead, he opened them to see the same scene before him.

Moaning in exasperation, he slumped back onto the ground, the cups in the open cabinet clinking in response. How is this happening?! it can't be happening! this is impossible! He held his head in his hands, his elbows resting upon his knees. The room stilled, the only sound that filled it was Jeremy's rapid and heavy breathing.

However, a minute or two later, a new sound rang out. Knocking. Someone knocking at the

front door.

Jeremy froze.

"Hello? Jeremy, are you there?"

Crawling over to the front door on his hands and knees and not even having to get off them to reach the peephole, he peered outside. There she was, Lily. Still in her blue school blazer and a plaid skirt that was a bit big on her. As she turned her head, her curtain of black hair shimmered thanks to the setting sun.

Jeremy felt his heart murmur at the sight of her before he began to fly into a panic. What the fuck was he supposed to do?! He couldn’t let her in, not when he was like this! Whatever this was. Seriously, people don’t just grow! People can’t! They can’t just suddenly double in size!

“Jeremy?” Lily continued to knock. He leaned away from the door when she stood on the tips of her toes to try and peer through.

“I uh…. I’m here.” he called, his voice shaking, “W-what are you doing here so early?”

“Oh, I was just in the area when you called, grabbing a donut from Gusto Glaze. I got you something too” Jeremy felt a touch of warmth, hearing she had thought of him, “Are you going to let me in?”

“Oh uh…. About that.” he feigned a cough, “I’m….. not feeling so good.”

“Really? You seemed just fine at school.”

He faked another cough, “Yeah well, it just kind of came out of nowhere.” he waited, praying she’d buy it.

“I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help? Anything I can get you?”

“No!” He cringed, the word coming out louder and harsher than he had meant, “No, no I’m alright. Besides, I wouldn’t want you to catch it”

“Are you sure? I really don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be alone and sick.”

He internally groaned. Of all the times for her to be nice and offer to keep him company, why did it have to be now? “I’m sure I’ll be fine. You don’t have to-”

His voice was interrupted by a loud growling and gurgling sound coming from Jeremy’s middle. He winced, slapping a hand over his stomach which continued to rumble.

“What was that?”

“Uh, nothing.” he glared down, pressing down harder in an attempt to silence his own body.

“Was that your stomach? Have you eaten at all today?” Lily’s voice was growing worried, and in any other circumstance, Jeremy would have been over the moon about it.

“Of course, well not much.” that had been the wrong answer.

“Well, you clearly haven’t had enough. You sound like you’re starving! Here, let me in so I can give you your donut and maybe make you something else.”

The doorknob began the jiggle. Jeremy shot his hand out to hold it still, “You really don’t need to do that. I’m perfectly fine on my own!”

“Then why did you let yourself get this hungry? Please, let me in and help.”

He paused, thinking over her words. What if…… what if she could help? Help him with whatever the hell is going on. She had always been more academic than him. Maybe she’d at least have a figment of knowledge about whatever this was. He glanced down at his oversized body. He wasn’t too keen on the idea of her seeing him like this, but what choice did he have? If he wanted help, which he honestly did.

“Uh, Lily” he started, “Look I’m….. I’m not sick, or at least not with the flu or anything like that. But….. but something’s wrong.”

There was a pause before Lily responded, “What do you mean? What’s going on Jeremy?”

He gulped, not sure how to tell her or even begin to describe what was going on, “I don’t really know. But…..” he shook his head, “Something is really wrong with me and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Well, let me in please so I could help you figure that out.”

Jeremy ran a hand down his face, “Are you sure?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

She has no idea what she’s in for. He slowly took his hand off of the doorknob, “If I let you in…. Promise you won’t scream?”

Silence on the other side, then, “I promise.”

He let out a shaky sigh, raising his hand and unlocking the door. He backed away, watching with bated breath as it was slowly pushed open.

#g/t #g/t writing #gianttiny #growth spurt

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snootlestheangel · 1 year ago

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Shadow Company: Moose

Everyone blame @cod-dump for this (affectionately ofc) and this post specifically for this mess I'm in over Moose.

A short drabble about everyone's new favorite Shadow; Moose

Sometimes the Shadows get bored and start throwing or kicking a kickball at each other. The number of times they've gotten it stuck in the rafters is about to piss Graves off and make him ban it. The only reason he hasn't being it's hilarious to watch Moose lift the Shadow that got it stuck so they can get it down. It's great hearing a small "whee!" From the Shadow being lifted and even more funny to hear them curse when Moose inevitably just drops them.

They got him one of those hats with the moose antlers for Christmas one year and he wears it when it's cold. His excuse is that he doesn't own any other hats.

Also was given a pair of sweatpants and an ugly sweater designed to make him look like a Christmas tree. They referred to him solely as the Christmas Moose when he wore them the day he got them. No one has seen them since.

Is the base's resident Tall Person. Something stuck up high? "MOOSE!" Someone struggling to see over a tall fence? "Moose, I need help!"

Almost always has a Shadow on his back like a koala. Everyone is too afraid to ask Moose if he actually hates it. They don't want to make him angry after all. He secretly enjoys it cause it's a unique form of strength and endurance training, and because it helps him know he can easily carry any of his teammates should the worst happen.

His office space for doing his tech work is actually a lounge area because he got sick of the Shadows cramming themselves into the old space and then complaining about it not being cozy. They're especially awful when he's in one of the shops, either for the trucks or weaponry and working. They're messing with stuff and laying in his way all the damn time.

Yes he always tried telling them to leave if they weren't comfy but no they don't listen. They'd rather lay on the floor or stand awkwardly against him while he works. So he got sick of it and took over a lounge area so the Shadows can comfortably bother him while he works.

He'd rather die than admit he enjoys the company/attention.

Some of the Shadows have witnessed him snap his cool only a couple of times. Usually it's after a really long, grueling mission and then another week of him having to fix a bunch of stuff but unable to workout because he has an injury that's benched him for a couple of weeks. And by snapping it's more like he just suddenly starts yelling at all of them to piss off. They're always quick to give him some space after that and eventually he returns to normal and acts like nothing ever happened.

Graves has only witnessed this once. It was during a mission and several of the Shadows were trapped in a sticky situation with the risk of not making it out alive. Graves and Moose were really their only help. Sometimes Graves gets distracted when watching the boys train cause he thinks back to that night where Moose turned into a one man army and obliterated the enemy.

Of course, he did this just to get to the Shadows trapped and give a gruff "you dumbasses" as he carries two of them. Graves will never forget what he witnessed and sometimes when Moose makes eye contact with him, they both just know.

Graves never once again underestimated how dedicated Moose is to the company despite how much he might complain about his fellow Shadows.

Literally vanished the first day the 141 boys were on their base because they had to work together over something. Nobody could find Moose and some started to panic. They didn't know why or what caused him to vanish but he did and he clearly didn't want to be found.

They get their answer like 2 days later when he and Ghost, as the biggest guys around, had to transport something big and heavy. Moose was so pale and shaking the entire time. Everyone was concerned that he wasn't well enough to help but he shot them down every time. They get the thing moved with ease and Ghost gives a polite nod and a "good work, Moose"

Moose darted away after muttering something about work he has to do. Then it made sense: their big Moose was totally terrified of Ghost.

Its not that they didn't know he's such a coward. They do actually. So much in fact that's part of why they started calling him Moose. The animal itself isn't a coward, in fact they're known for being confrontational when threatened (or sometimes just because) and so for a big guy like him to be the opposite, what better name than Moose?

Once had to carry Graves to safety. That was an experience for the commander, to say the least.

Another reason they all love cuddling against him: he's a human furnace. Like runs so hot he's actually typically wearing shorts and tank tops rather than full pants or shirts. He's got a fan club dedicated to watching him workout. They're just really obsessed with their big ole Moose.

The other reason they love cuddling Moose: he might be tall, yeah but he's also a thick boy. He's got ass, arms, thighs, belly, you name it. There was a meme posted to the announcements board for like a week which was a picture of the animal moose with its back to the camera and the Shadow Moose's ass next to each other. You know the meme, "they're the same picture"

It was replaced with a picture of it on the board and a cryptic hand written message of "I will find the one that made this and you will pay. To the one who took the picture, give it back. -Moose". No one knows who took the picture, but the Shadow that made the meme itself got thrown under the bus so fast. The picture of Moose's ass just appeared in a Shadow group chat one day and no one knows who sent it. (It was Graves actually and Moose knows he took it. The "give it back" part is actually in reference to something completely unrelated)

Secretly was a scene kid in his teen years. This information will go to his grave with him.

#shadow company ocs #shadow company #Shadow Company Moose #moose is really sweet unless you make him genuinely angry #Shadow Company Moose headcanons #Our gentle giant

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obaex · 2 years ago

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you, the ocean, and me (pt. 1) - jj maybank

summary: jj is determined to put a smile on your face during your two-week trip to the obx, but what happens when fun turns into something more?

word count: 13.7K

warnings: cheating + terrible parents

a/n: this is set a few years in the future, assuming everyone is in their 20s. it's a slow burn, so it gets off to a slow start, but picks up quickly, i promise! i linked a couple of songs in here that are mentioned, only listen if you want to cry your eyes out with me.

You gazed wearily out the window as the pilot announced that the plane had begun its descent into the Outer Banks. Despite your warring emotions, you had to admit that the bum little beach town looked beautiful from above, the sky casting the shoreline in an orange glow.

Your mom squeezed your hand from the seat beside you, "This is going to be just what you need, sweetie" she said, "I promise."

You highly doubted that.

You had reluctantly agreed to spend two weeks with her here. A last-ditch effort to stop your life from rolling right off its tracks, in her eyes at least. You didn't know how a sleepy beach town on the coast of North Carolina was supposed to make you forget the three-carat diamond that weighed heavily on your ring finger, the text messages you had found on your fiancé's phone nor the fact that your family insisted you move forward with the marriage anyway. No, you were pretty damn sure there weren't enough Mai Tais in the world to make you forget all of that. As the plane dropped further in the sky your heart dropped into your stomach and a wave of nausea passed over you. When did everything become so fucked up?

You had met Carson Peters when you were fourteen. He was the quarterback, you were the captain of the cheerleading team. It was so damn cliché. Looking back at it now, it felt like your whole life was completely predetermined for you. Of course you would date him. Of course you would attend every homecoming, semi-formal and prom with him. Of course you would lose your virginity to him the night before you both left for college, making promises you had intended to keep. Of course he would study business, rapidly making inroads with your father's company. Now, it was only a matter of time until your father retired and passed ownership over to him. So, of course, when Carson Peters asked you to marry him you had said yes. He was all you had ever known, so ingrained in every aspect of your life and your family that the proposal felt like an inevitability you couldn't run from. Every decision was already made for you: You would get married in the same church as your parents, you would have 2-3 children that played soccer or did ballet, you would have a golden retriever, you would spend Friday nights at the country club, Saturdays playing tennis and Sundays volunteering at church. It wasn't a bad life. It was a damned privileged one, one you should feel grateful for. But you didn't. Because it didn't feel like yours. Looking back, you couldn't remember making one choice for yourself. You didn't really have a say in any of this. You were simply the perfect daughter, the glowing bride, a pawn in everyone else's game.

All of that came to a screeching halt two weeks ago.

It was a Friday night. Carson was in the shower and you were touching up your makeup, getting ready for your usual appearance at the country club when his phone chimed on its charger next to the bed. You glanced at it quickly, the noise catching your attention and you saw an incoming text from your best friend Lauren. You were going to meet her and her husband Nick at the club, so thinking she was texting about the plans for the evening, you opened the text. You and Carson didn't have any secrets between you, why would you? You had known each other for almost ten years. You typed in his passcode (your birthday + his old jersey number).

Lauren: Can't wait to see you tonight 😉

Hm. You felt like that was a little out of place, but maybe she was just trying to be nice? Looking back, you can't believe how naïve you were. You realized they had an existing text exchange so you began to scroll up and up and up and finally came across mutually exchanged pictures that caused you to drop the phone, your heart hammering in your chest, mind racing a mile a minute. You were desperately trying to concoct a plausible explanation for what you had just seen, to apply some logic to the situation, to come up with an excuse, any excuse. There wasn't one.

You could hear the shower stop running and you realized you had a decision to make. Do you confront him? Do you act like you didn't see it? There was no way you could sit through dinner tonight knowing what you knew now. You picked up the phone, set Lauren's most recent text to 'unread' and placed the phone back on the charger before telling Carson you weren't feeling well and wouldn't be up for dinner after all. He was visibly annoyed, whether because of the last-minute change of plans or the fact that he wouldn't get to see Lauren, you weren't sure. You undressed and crawled into bed as he went downstairs to watch TV. You cried yourself softly to sleep, sick to your stomach over what you were going to do.

The next morning Carson was thankfully up and out of the house early for a tee time with your father. He left with a quick kiss on your cheek as you lay in bed, grateful that he wouldn't see your splotchy face and bloodshot eyes. You didn't have the energy for a confrontation. You got up and got dressed. Normally this is something you would call Lauren to talk about. Since that was squarely out of the question, you called your mom, asking if you could come over to talk. You always had a good relationship with her despite the fact that she encouraged you (pushed you?) to look a certain way, act a certain way and dress a certain way to maintain the family image and ensure you were set up for a life just like hers.

You didn't take two steps inside her door before she knew something was wrong and you crumbled in her arms, sobs wracking your body as she held you close and rubbed your back. After you were settled at the kitchen counter with a warm cup of tea, you told her everything. Everything everything. She listened patiently and quietly, your hand in hers. Her eyes widened upon hearing the gory details, but she waited to speak until you were through. You could tell she was taking her time to collect her thoughts, to make sure she was saying the right thing, a skill she had taught you well.

"Honey, this doesn't change anything" she said simply. "People make mistakes. Some men have a wandering eye, but you're the one with the ring on your finger! Best not to ruffle any feathers before the wedding. you have a bright future ahead of you, and so does Carson - you two are meant to be! Plus, you know how important this is to your father and to me. You are our only child, we want you to be set for life and with Carson taking over the company, your future will be absolutely secure."

"What part of my fiancé fucking my best friend has me set up for life with a secure future!?" you said harshly, your voice rising.

"Watch your language!" she chided, like you were a child again. "You are getting worked up and blowing this completely out of proportion."

"Oh my god, have you lost your mind? Can you really not see how toxic this is? Can you not see how this impacts me? How this makes me feel?" you said, nearly shouting now.

"Sweetheart, this isn't just about you--"

"THIS IS ABOUT ME! THIS IS MY LIFE!" you shouted finally, rising to your feet. "Forget it. I'm not doing this with you. You can tell dad I'm sorry I ruined your perfect plans, but I'm done. I can't do this, I'm breaking it off."

"Honey, stop! Please. Listen to me. You're not thinking straight. You're emotional, you're upset. I understand that. You need some time to think before you make any rash decisions. Let's get away, just you and me. A couple of weeks, that's all I'm asking, and if you still feel the same way when we get back, then I'll support you."

"Fine" you agreed, knowing there wasn't a damn thing that could change your mind.

The ride from the Kildare airport to your rental property wound through a small but charming town with a surf shop, some small stores and a few restaurants before you crossed onto the wealthier side of the island, coastal mansions lining the shore with expensive cars parked outside. As much as you were harboring resentment at your mother for dragging you here, you had to admit it was beautiful. In any other circumstance you probably would have enjoyed it, eagerly looking forward to two weeks of uninterrupted relaxation, sun and top-shelf liquor. Now, all you wanted to do was drown yourself in tequila and tears.

Your rental home was obscenely large for just the two of you, but your family didn't do anything in half measures so you weren't surprised. Nor were you surprised when your mother announced that you had reservations in an hour at the local country club. You didn't even question it, simply going through the motions of showering, doing your hair and adorning a floor-length dress and heels. Beautiful on the outside, screaming on the inside.

The Island Club was a copy-paste of any number of similar clubs you had been to over the years, replete with overindulgent pompous assholes sporting golf attire and Lily Pulitzer. You supposed you were being hypocritical knowing you were one of those assholes back home, but you let yourself be bitter surrounded by so many people you didn't know. You managed to make it all the way through dinner before your mom excused herself to mix and mingle and "make connections" for the duration of your stay. You couldn't think of anything you wanted to do less, so you grabbed your glass of wine and headed outside to a quiet part of the back patio, leaning out over the balcony to take in the thick, salty ocean air.

It was near the end of his shift and he was itching to get out of there, fidgeting and tugging at the collar of his shirt when he saw you. He had been making his way down a narrow hallway near the patio doors, arms laden with a tub of dishes. You were leaning against the balcony, staring out at the ocean. He could only see your side profile, but he could trace your long lashes and thick lips and the way your hair danced in the summer breeze. You were dressed to the nines in a stunning open-back dress that showed off your sunkissed skin. But it was the look on your face that pulled him in, eyes narrowed, face scrunched like you were trying to solve all the world's problems. Even with a scowl, he thought you were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He realized after a few moments that he wasn't breathing, quickly clearing his throat and looking around to make sure no one had seen him gawking at you like that. He placed the bin of dishes unceremoniously on the floor and wiped his hands on his pants. 'Come on' he thought, trying to pump himself up. 'Stupid things have good outcomes all the time' as he pushed the patio doors open.

You were able to enjoy a few moments of solitude before you heard the woosh of the patio doors open and close behind you and another person came into your peripheral vision. They leaned against the balcony, a respectable distance away. You didn't turn your head, you didn't acknowledge them, you didn't feel like talking to anyone. You bit your lower lip, holding back several snarky remarks, trying to come up with the most socially acceptable way to say "fuck off". You closed your eyes, mustering your energy as you turned - and every word died on your lips.

He was definitely not what you had expected. In fact, he was gorgeous, painfully so, boyishly handsome with tousled blonde hair, nearly white at the tips from the sun, that complimented his tan skin. A laidback smile rested on his lips and his blue eyes twinkled with mischievousness and fun. He was looking at you with a mix of intrigue and something else you couldn't quite put a finger on but that made your heart beat a little faster and brought a blush to your cheeks. He laughed softly, breaking your trance as he said "Drinking wine alone in the dark isn't a great way to meet people."

"Kinda what I was going for" you admitted.

"Oof" he said, covering his heart with his hands like you had delivered a physical blow to him. "Sorry to intrude, it just looked like you could use some company..." he trailed off, hoping for a response, and continuing anyway when he didn't get one. "So, you're here with your mom visiting for a couple of weeks?"

"How'd you know that?" you asked, the surprise evident on your face.

"It's a small club, word travels fast," he said, glancing back inside "And your mom plus a couple of martinis has gotten just about everyone up to speed."

You groaned, leaning back over the balcony, rubbing your temple. "I'm on sabbatical from my trainwreck of a life back home."

"That good, huh?" he replied lightly.

"You have no idea" you sighed.

He laughed, a hint of bitterness evident in his voice, "I could teach a masterclass on fucked up lives, trust me."

And for some reason, you did. It was like your own pain was a radar, able to pick up on other people's agony and despite his pretty face, you could tell this boy had been through his own.

"JJ" he said finally, extending his hand. You took it hesitantly.

"Y/N" you said in reply.

"Y/N" he said, smiling deeply, letting the sound of it linger and melt on his tongue like the first taste of ice cream on a hot day. "Do you want to get out of here?" he said suddenly.

That stopped you in your tracks. You hadn't been propositioned like that in, well, almost ten years. Everyone at home knew who you were and whose you were and that any attempt at something like that was going to be fruitless.

You held up your left hand in response, letting the ring on your finger speak for itself, a sarcastic look on your face telling JJ this was the end of the line.

He felt his heart skip a beat at that, his mind racing with questions and thoughts. Of course she's engaged. Obviously. But why would someone who's about to get married look so miserable? Where is this guy anyway? I wouldn't let her out of my sight. What do I do. What do I do. What do I do.

"Whoa" he said, not missing a beat despite the cacophony in his head. "I'm not asking you to move in with me, princess. You look miserable and I know a place that's a hell of a lot more fun that this."

The thought of running off with this boy sparked something deep inside you, like someone trying to flick on a lighter- flick flick flick - before your rational mind took over.

"My fiancé--" you started.

JJ looked around mockingly to the left and the right, gesturing to the empty patio "Isn't here" he said simply.

"My mom--" you tried.

"Is enjoying her third martini" he replied, "You can text her and tell her you'll be home by midnight."

"But--" you tried a third time.

"Look, I didn't ask you what your fiancé or your mom or your best friend or anyone else wants you to do. I'm asking what you want to do" he said, extending his hand, "Come with me?" he asked, much more confidently than he felt.

It was the first time in as long as you can remember that you had the freedom and the opportunity to make a decision by yourself for yourself. You reveled in it, letting go of every obligation you had to say no.

You placed your hand in his, meeting his strong gaze, "Let's go."

He led you by the hand down a small set of stairs to a walkway that led directly to the parking lot. You were overwhelmingly grateful for his discretion, both of you knowing better than to parade this situation in front of the onlookers inside. You let go of his hand to type out a quick text to your mom and continued to follow him, so engrossed in trying to word your message that you nearly walked into him as he yanked off his bowtie and vest and loosened several buttons on his shirt. You hit send just as he was handing you something. You registered the helmet in your hands, then the bike in front of you.

"No way" you scoffed "Absolutely not."

"Come on" he said, waving you over, ignoring your comments. You took a hesitant step forward and before you knew what was happening, he was kneeling in front of you, grabbing the hem of your dress and rolling it delicately up your leg, revealing your three-inch heels, your calves, his fingers barely touching you, the featherlight passes sending goosebumps up your legs. As his hands nearly reached your knees, you managed to find your words, "H-Hey what are y-you doing?" you asked, your mind completely disconnected from your mouth at the sensation of his fingers on you. He bunched the dress to one side and tied it in a tight knot.

"Can't have it getting tangled in the wheel" he said cheekily as he straightened up, taking the helmet out of your hands and stepping towards you, both of you nearly chest to chest. He smiled devilishly at the blush on your cheeks before sliding the helmet over your head and reaching to gently snap the straps in place.

He pulled his own helmet on and straddled the bike effortlessly, scootching forward to give you room behind him. You settled in, the sloped curve of the seat sliding you right into him, your thighs resting against his hips, your front flush to his back. You looked around for something anything to hold onto as he revved the engine.

"Please hang on to me" he turned to say, picking up on your defiance of the situation. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable, but I also don't want you to die, so it's really the lesser of two evils at this point."

Resigned, you pressed into him, wrapping your hands around his strong core.

"Good?" he asked.

"I think so" you replied hesitantly.

And you were off.

The bike skidded slightly in the gravel, picking up speed as he shot down the driveway at the club.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. You thought to yourself, realizing too late how enormously stupid it was to get on a dirt bike in a dress and three-inch heels with a complete stranger. It sounded like the start to a 48-hour mystery.

And yet.

As JJ navigated the narrow streets confidently, crossing the bridge to the beach, you loosened your death grip just enough to look around and take in the twinkling lights of the homes in the distance, the blink of the lighthouse, the sound of the crashing waves and the warm wind whipping your hair back under the helmet. You closed your eyes, took a deep breath of the salty air and realized you felt surprisingly okay. For the first time since you read those texts the simmering rage and frustration that had been building up inside of you felt more like a warm pot of soup simmering on the stove than a kettle hissing with boiling water. It was contained, manageable.

JJ pulled over amongst a line of other cars and bikes at the beach. As he cut off the engine you could hear the distinct sound of a party, chattering voices, bumping music and you could make out the flickering light of several bonfires as you slid off the bike and pulled your helmet off, frantically trying to untangle your wind-whipped hair. JJ took in your mussed hair, wrinkled dress and rosy cheeks, pink from the adrenaline of the ride and smiled. "You're not going to need those here" he said, pointing to your heels. You slid them off, letting your toes rest in the cool sand as he led the way.

He navigated expertly around the crowd, dodging drunk people, waving to others as they called out to him. He was clearly well-loved and even your brief interaction told you why, his easygoing, laid-back, friendly nature and quick smile were welcoming and inviting, magnetic. It made your fears and anxieties slip away, like as long as you were in his orbit, nothing could go wrong, everything was always good times and sunshine and nothing else mattered. Despite the distractions, wherever he walked, he continued to look back at you to make sure you were still behind him, smiling at you as he waved you forward. You finally found your way to a small bonfire surrounded by a few people that eagerly cheered upon seeing him and tossed him a beer.

He quickly introduced you to his friends and you tried your best to remember their names and nicknames, Kie? Pope? John B (the middle initial seemed very important), Sarah and Cleo. They welcomed you with open arms, literally hugging you, the girls tugging on your dress, overwhelming you with compliments. You weren't sure if it was the booze or if they were always this nice, but you felt immediately at ease. You could tell they were a tight-knit group the way they interacted with each other, a familial casualty in the way they leaned on one another around the bonfire, finished each other's sentences and traded inside jokes. And for the first time in a long time, you just let yourself be. You didn't care that your hair was a tangled mess, that your dress was wrinkled and now covered in sand or that you were drinking Corona. You let the beer and the conversation flow, soaking in the genuine presence of the people around you.

JJ settled on the opposite side of the fire, content to watch you through the flames that lit your face in an orange glow. You already looked like a completely different version of yourself than he had seen on the balcony, like a physical weight had been lifted from your shoulders as you laughed unabashedly. His heart swelled with the thought that he was the reason for the smile on your face. He couldn't tear his gaze away as he looked at you, fidgeting with the label on his beer, barely bringing it to his lips which sat in a permanent smile.

John B looked from his best friend to the new girl and back again. He knew that look on JJ’s face, though he’d never seen it directed at a girl before. It was the same look he’d had the last time they surfed the surge: determination, admiration, desire. It was undeniable. As was the giant ring on her finger. That look and that ring were at odds with one another and he knew he needed to quash this, now.

He nudged JJ and tilted his head away from the group. JJ sighed, hanging his head. He knew this was coming. He stood up, smiling at you quickly before walking away. When he caught up with John B out of earshot, they didn’t dance around the topic at hand.

“What are you doing, man?” John B asked.

“Chillin’, drinkin’ some beers with my friends” JJ replied smartly, taking a long sip of his beer to avoid eye contact.

“You know what I mean, JJ, what are you doing with Y/N?” John B insisted, tone serious.

“I’m just trying to show her a good time” JJ said nonchalantly, shrugging.

“Don’t bullshit me, man” John B said, the frustration in his voice evident, “I see the way you’re looking at her and I also see that rock on her hand. It’s a no-go amigo. Not cool.”

The smirk on JJ’s face disappeared as he grew uncharacteristically serious. He dropped his eyes to the sand, kicking it around with his feet, trying to find a way to put into words what he knew to be true in his heart. She’s not happy. I can make her happy. I know I can make her happy.

“You didn’t see her earlier” he started, eyes downcast, feet continuing to kick the sand around. “She’s miserable, she’s caught up in typical kook bullshit, like she’s never had a day of fun in her life… the look on her face…” he stopped himself, heart clenching at the thought. “I know this is crazy, man, but I don’t think she wants to marry this guy.”

“She said that?” John B said, surprised.

“…Not exactly” JJ replied.

John B huffed, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. “So, what? You’re psychic now? C'mon man” he said, urging his friend to see reason.

JJ cast his eyes down again.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt” John B continued. “This isn’t going to end like you think this is going to end. She’s going to have her two weeks of fun and then she’s going to go right back to her kook life and you’ll be left to pick up the pieces.”

JJ shook his head. John B’s words warring with the images in his head that played like a movie, the sorrow on your face as you looked out at the ocean, the way your eyes sparkled in the twinkling lights on the balcony, the blush of your cheeks as he pulled your helmet on, the tug of your arms around his chest and the feeling of you pressed tightly to him. You were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. You knew he was just a bus boy and you agreed to leave with him, you slipped your hand into his, you got on his bike, you’d met his friends. No. There was something there. And he was going to chase it, even if it destroyed him in the process. He clenched his jaw and looked up at John B, determination in his eyes. “I’m doing this. You’re either with me or you’re not, but I’m doing this” he said resolutely.

John B’s heart sank as he sighed deeply. JJ was nothing if not stubborn. It made him loyal at the best of times and rockheaded at the worst of times. It was both his best and his worst quality. “I’m always with you, man” he said, regret already evident in his voice.

JJ’s signature smirk returned to his lips as he tipped his beer forward for a cheers. “To terrible ideas?”

“To terrible ideas.”

The next morning, you rested a cool bottle of water against your forehead as you leaned back in your poolside recliner at the club, hoping to ease the pang of your pounding headache and hangover. Your mom was polite enough not to comment, happy to be in her element after a morning of tennis and a tee time booked later this afternoon as she lay beside you chattering away. You nodded along, inserting comments when necessary as you closed your eyes and let yourself drift back to the night before. It had been so different from your life back home, but so right at the same time. You thought about JJ, his smirk, the goofy stories he told and you found yourself smiling. A pang of guilt resonated deep in your chest. You pushed it down, telling yourself that JJ could be a good friend, nothing more.

"Your drink, m'am" the poolside attendant said, setting down a Corona and pulling you out of your reverie. This caught your mother's attention.

"A beer? Really, Y/N, have some decorum, it's 10:30 in the morning" she said with disdain.

"Thank you" you said kindly to the attendant, trying to defuse the situation, "But I didn't order this." He looked around uncomfortably as he smiled, "It's on the house" he said, before waving politely and making a quick exit.

Your mother tsked and turned her attention back to her magazine when you noticed a slip of paper under the beer.

Marina, 1:00 - JJ

Your heart skipped a beat and a smile crept across your face as you happily took a deep sip of your beer, leaning back in your chair, eyes closed in the sun.

You got to the marina on time. Not really sure what outfit the occasion called for, you settled for your bikini, a flowy top and pair of shorts. You ambled along the aisles of boats, trying nonchalantly to look for the familiar mess of blonde hair as your pulse quickened.

"Y/N!" you heard finally, and turned to see JJ and his friends pulling up in a small boat, waving you toward them. You broke into a big smile as you quickly caught up to them and JJ extended a hand to help you inside. There weren't many places to sit, and JJ beckoned you next to him on a large cooler, barely wide enough for the two of you, your bodies pressed next to each other and backs pressed to the side of the boat as John B hit the throttle and the boat took off. He tore through the channel and marsh grass passed by you on either side in streaks of bright greens and yellows as the hot sun licked your skin. The boat jostled as it made its way into choppier ocean water and as it smacked into a wave, JJ's arm rested protectively behind you, not quite touching you, but near enough that you felt pulled into his presence. You smiled shyly to yourself and avoided eye contact with him.

You ended up anchoring just off a sandbar and as soon as the boat was situated, Pope, Kie and Cleo stripped to their bathing suits and eagerly jumped into the water. Much to your surprise, John B and Sarah were right behind them.

"You coming, princess?" JJ said, standing up and tugging his shirt over his head. You swallowed as you took in his athletic body, muscular arms and chiseled chest. Quickly averting your gaze, you peered into the dark, choppy water, well aware of what could be found in those depths: sharks, jellyfish, stingrays the list went on and on. You opened your mouth to protest but when you turned around JJ was doing a backflip off the other side of the boat. You stood up and walked to the other side as he surfaced, shaking the wet hair out of his eyes with a practiced shake of his head. The others were nearby, swimming and splashing and goofing around but JJ was waiting for you, squinting up at you.

"Come on!" he said encouragingly.

"I don't know" you said hesitantly, eyeing the rough water, fear evident in your voice.

"I won't let anything bad happen to you. I promise. It's totally safe" he said, extending a hand.

It wasn't like you had a choice. Get over yourself. You thought, trying to muster up your courage as you unbuttoned your shorts and pulled your shirt over your head.

JJ could just see you over the top of the boat from his vantage point in the water and as you pulled your shirt over your head revealing your bikini-clad body a rush of water flowed into his open mouth and he choked on the salt water, coughing loudly. Geeezus he thought.

"You ok?" you asked, leaning over the boat, your hair tumbling over your shoulders, the angle providing him with another vantage point of your cleavage as you watched him cough loudly.

He mustered a thumbs up before wiping a hand over his face. You were going to be the death of him.

"Come on, princess, before I drown" he shouted teasingly.

You stepped up to the side of the boat, toes nearing the edge. Your heart was pounding with the adrenaline in your veins, fear causing your limbs to shake. You looked down and saw JJ's smile, his hand extended and your heartrate slowed. He was right, if he was there, it was going to be okay. So, you jumped.

The cool water shivered over you, causing your limbs to tingle as you surfaced. You wiped the salt water from your eyes and landed on JJ's gaze, basking in it as he smiled widely at you "Atta girl!" he said proudly, before waving you over to his friends.

A day spent swimming and drinking in the sun had you nearly wiped out on the boat ride home. You laid with JJ alone on the bow, you on your back and he on his stomach, turned to face you, about an arm's length away. Your conversation flowed effortlessly. He asked you about your favorite music, favorite movies, arguing with you good naturedly any time he disagreed with your answer, though you found you actually had a lot in common with each other. You both loved the outdoors, the beach, dogs, Bob Marley and tequila. They were little things, but even little bonds formed fast friendships.

"Favorite ice cream?" he asked.

"Cookie dough, hands down" you said without pausing.

"Mmm yes" he agreed, his voice sleepy and his eyes closed. "I could crush some of that right now." A pause. "What about favorite flowers?"

You turned your head to look at him curiously. That seemed like a sneaky question. His lips curled into a smile but he didn't open his eyes and didn't say anything further.

You smiled, closing your own eyes again as you faced the sun. "Peonies" you said simply.

He laughed. "I literally have no idea what those are."

You laughed back, "They're fluffy, the look like clouds. They come in a few different colors but light pink is my favorite. They're really pretty."

"I'll take your word for it" he said.

"Do I get to ask a question now?" you asked.

"Shoot"

"Okay, favorite way to spend the day?"

"Surfing" he said without pause.

"You surf?" you asked enthusiastically before thinking further. "Well, I guess I should have figured..."

"Hmm?" He said, confused, popping an eye open to meet your gaze as you looked at him.

You gestured up and down his body. "It fits. You know, the whole blonde surfer boy thing?"

He smirked. This was too easy. "You got a thing for blonde surfer boys?"

You laughed dismissively, turning your head away, fighting simultaneous feelings of butterflies in your stomach and the guilt lurking somewhere deeper. "Nice try, JJ. No, I just think it's cool. I always wanted to learn how to surf, but my parents were more interested in me taking up golf and ballet."

A brief pause.

"I could teach you?" he offered, hoping that the excitement and eagerness in his voice weren't too obvious.

You looked back at him. "Yeah?" you said, trying to gauge if he was serious.

"Hell yeah" he said, eyes closing again as he grinned from ear to ear.

You agreed to meet JJ at the beach the next morning for your first lesson, slipping out of your house before your mom was awake. The sand tickled your toes as you made your way to the water, the whole landscape awash with the pink and peach hues of the morning sun, the surrounding quiet but for the crash of the waves and the occasional call of the seagulls and pelicans overhead, not yet tainted by people, like you were in a beach-themed snow globe.

You saw him seated in the sand, boards propped up behind him, waiting for you as he looked out on the ocean. It was becoming harder and harder to ignore the physical reaction your body had to being in his presence. Your pulse quickened with excitement, you felt light on your feet, like you could float right over to him, you were craving his smile, the sound of his laughter, his signature smirk and the way his eyes twinkled when they looked at you. You were chasing that high, that relief of being with him so hard that you didn't want to acknowledge that at the same time you were running from reality. Just let me be here in this moment you thought. Just let me enjoy this you told your guilty conscience. You twirled the ring on your finger. Didn't you deserve a break? Wasn't that the reason you were here?

You quashed your warring emotions as you plopped into the sand beside him, turning to smile at him, greeted with the smile you had been missing that seemed to wash all your fear and anxiety away.

You were eager to learn the basics, more eager to impress your instructor. He was patient and extremely knowledgeable as he walked you through each step. Learning to maintain your balance was hard. Focusing on his words, while he occasionally placed his hands on your hips or on your arms to guide you was even harder. He was always respectful, but he'd have to be an idiot not to realize the way you responded to his warm, calloused fingers, the way your body shifted towards him, magnetized.

You ended the morning seated on your boards, bobbing in the ocean together, watching the sun crest fully over the horizon.

"Thank you" you said quietly, not wanting to disturb the peaceful moment as you smiled at him.

"'Course" he said, smirking, "You're not bad, princess."

You blushed at his compliment and the now familiar nickname that neither of your acknowledged, but that you couldn't get enough of. "Do you think we could do this again tomorrow?" you asked.

I would do literally anything to spend more time with you. The fact that you're asking me to surf proves to me that you're the girl of my dreams he thought, biting his tongue.

"Absolutely" he said.

So, you woke up for surf lessons with JJ the next morning, and the next morning and the next morning, falling into a routine that became so automatic neither of you had to ask anymore. You jumped out of bed despite the early mornings, eager to start your days in the warm water with JJ and today was no different. You had graduated to trying to stand on your board in the water and were doing a decent job, teetering slightly as he coached you from the water, leaning one arm on his board until an unexpected wave knocked you off and you surfaced next to him, wiping the salt water from your eyes, balancing one arm on your board as you laughed. You realized suddenly how close you were to him and your breath caught at the way he was looking at you. You were close enough to see his blue eyes tracing your face with the same look from the night you first met, intrigue and something else much much deeper, somewhere between pain and longing that had your heart thundering in your chest. You were nearly chest-to-chest now, as you let the waves carry you closer to each other. Your fingers itched to push his damp hair off his forehead. Neither of you spoke, just taking each other in at this close distance, bobbing in the waves, closer than you'd let yourself get on purpose. He opened his mouth to say something when you felt something slither against your foot.

She was on top of him before he knew what the fuck was going on. Screeching and lunging into his grasp about something that touched her foot, her arms thrown around his shoulders, his one arm naturally coming to catch her, to wrap around her and hold her against him as his other rested on his board to keep them afloat. He would have laughed at her reaction if he could remember how to breath. All he could feel was the sensation of her wet, bare body pressed against his, her warm breath on his neck. He could smell her shampoo, could feel her heart beating next to his. It was like his body took over on instinct, pulling her into him, like it was the most natural thing in the world, gently tugging them away.

"Hey, you're alright, it's alright, probably just a fish or some seaweed or something."

He guided you back to shallower waters, immediately regretting it when your feet brushed the sand and you unwound from him, suddenly embarrassed and aware of what you had done.

"Sorry, I don't know why I did that, that just totally freaked me out" you said.

"No worries" he said, casting one last look at you before grabbing your boards and stepping out of the water.

"Want to grab a coffee? My treat?" you asked, scrambling for some way to make up for what just happened.

"Sure" he said, walking with you to a small coffee shop a few blocks from the beach.

"Hot caramel latte with coconut milk, please" you ordered before turning to him. "Uh, iced black coffee's fine for me" he said, nodding at the barista as you paid.

"Why are you drinking hot coffee when it's nearly 90 degrees outside?" he asked, scrunching up his face like he was going to puke, trying to lighten the heaviness of the morning that sat on you like a damp beach towel and feeling much better when he succeeded in making you laugh.

"I don't like when iced coffee melts and it gets all watered down" you shrugged "I've always been that way." You smiled at him before you felt your phone buzz in your pocket. You pulled it out to read the caller ID: Carson Peters. Your heart sank so fast in your stomach it was like you had the wind knocked out of you. JJ was watching you closely and could see the way your shoulders slumped, your brow furrowed and your lips turned down. It was like watching a flower wilt, something so beautiful that stood so tall and radiant, deflating, coming apart. His heart hurt to watch it and he wanted to sucker punch whoever was on the other side of that phone.

You looked up at him with doe eyes, "Sorry, I have to take this" you said, and without waiting for a response you stepped outside.

You had been gone for nearly a week without hearing from Carson apart from a few text messages. You didn't know what you hoped to hear on the other end. What if he found out that you knew? What if he was calling to apologize? To beg you to come home? You glanced back at the coffee shop, mind flickering between the boy inside and the boy on the phone. You slid your finger across the screen to pick it up.

"Hi Car" you said, managing to keep your voice calm, eager to hear what he would say. You could hear some muffled noises, like he was rustling around.

"Car?" you asked again.

"Hey! Hey Y/N" he said, out of breath, his voice rushed. "Do you know where my blue sneakers are? I looked in the garage and in the back of the closet..." He rambled on but you had stopped listening. He was calling to ask where his sneakers were? You hadn't talked in almost six days and he was asking about his sneakers? His ignorance and the audacity he had to carry on his mundane, stupid life while you were battling your own future reignited the rage deep within you. You could have screamed as angry, frustrated tears welled up in your eyes.

"They're by the back door, in the basket" you said, interrupting him, your voice quivering with anger. You could hear him padding down the stairs.

"Shit, you're right, there they are, thanks, babe!" he said "You having fun with your mom? You'll be home next weekend, right?"

"Yup" you said cooly. "Look, I've got to go, I'll talk to you later."

"Ok!" He said, missing your tone completely. "Love you!"

Liar. You thought, and hung up.

JJ lay flat on his bed, staring up at the ceiling as he twiddled with the rings on his fingers. He leaned over to glance at his phone: 3:30 AM. He couldn't sleep. His mind was whirling as he thought about how in one short week you had eclipsed his every waking thought, and now his sleep too. He had been drawn to your beauty, which was undeniable. You were perfect in every sense of the word, his body ached at the memory of you pressed against him in the ocean. Honestly, a shark could have bitten his leg off and he would have died a happy man spending his last moment on earth surfing in the sunrise, you latched to him, you wanting his arms around you, to hold you close, to protect you. God how he wanted that with you. More than he'd ever wanted anything, he was sure of that. But what he was feeling was more than physical desire. He loved getting to know you. He loved your personality. He loved how you were willing to try new things and put yourself out there, even though he knew it scared you. Riding dirt bikes and jumping in shark infested waters, you were braver than you gave yourself credit for. Perhaps more than anyone had ever given you credit for. Which is why he couldn't understand the last piece of your puzzle. He was pretty sure that phone call was from your fiancé, but why did you look so miserable? Why couldn't you just break things off if he didn't make you happy? Why can't she just be with me instead? he thought. If that was what you really wanted, he knew you were brave enough to do it, but did you? He flopped over and pulled his pillow over his head.

That Sunday night found you back at the Island Club for dinner with your mom. This time, she had eagerly invited several couples to join you and they spent the whole night discussing politics and humble bragging to each other. You smiled, nodded and laughed at all the right times like the circus animal you were tamed to be, each comment grating on you more and more until your eyes caught something over the shoulder of the woman across from you: a mop of blonde hair peeking out from the hallway, a hand waving wildly to get your attention and pointing to the back door while also trying to be subtle and failing miserably. You blushed deeply and laughed, trying too late to cover it up, which caught your mom's attention and halted conversation at the table. "I'm so sorry, will you please excuse me?" you said, standing up and walking to the back door without waiting for a response.

You pushed outside and looked around for JJ. There were people everywhere with some sort of event going on, a DJ mixed a sweet soundtrack that drifted out over the ocean in the background. You spotted him in the back corner of the balcony, near where you had first met.

"Oh my god, thank you" you said, exhaling loudly. "If I had to listen to Mr. Wheeler's play-by-play of his round of golf today any longer, I was going to pass out."

JJ laughed and nodded towards the beach, "My shift isn't over for another hour, but wanna go for a walk?"

You nodded eagerly, following him down the stairs and making your way to the beach, tugging off your heels and letting your toes sink into the cool sand.

You walked in comfortable silence for a while, listening to the DJ and the ocean as you quietly began humming the song that had just come on, one of your favorites, a summer classic, dancing in the moonlight.

You caught JJ shimmying to the beat next to you, which made you laugh. He caught your eye, smiling wide at your reaction and started dancing in earnest, moving his hips and arms in time with the beat. What you thought would be goofy ended up being impressive and undeniably attractive, he had moves and your eyes twinkled as you took him in, laughing and clapping, cheering him on when he reached out to grab your hand and pull you along with him, the two of you dancing, jumping and singing as he twirled you around to the beat. It was effortlessly fun. You didn't care about looking silly next to him and the way he was looking at you boosted your confidence tenfold. You both laughed harder as he spun you around once more, dramatically, as the song came to an end. You were both breathless, smiling at each other, your hand still wrapped in his as the next song faded in.

It was a slow song and it was like the minutes slowed in time with the beat as he squeezed your hand gently and pulled you into him, raising your hand in his while his other rested respectfully at your midback in a slow dance position. Neither of you said anything. It felt natural, easy, unforced, like everything did with him. You didn't have to think as you slipped your arm around his shoulder and let your head rest on his chest as he swayed you back and forth. You let your eyes flutter closed as you listened to the lyrics.

When the time is up and the sun it dies

'Til the rivers flood and the ocean dries

Hand in hand under the falling sky

I will love you...

The song was ethereal and beautiful and the lyrics tugged at your heart. You could feel tears pinprick your eyes without warning.

So many say it and it's all a lie

But I will love you...

The lyrics sounded like wedding vows and you nuzzled deeper into JJ's chest, drinking in the comforting smell that was distinctly him, the feeling of his arm around you, holding you to his chest and you let yourself imagine what it would be like to say these things to someone and mean them. To say them to someone you felt them for. To say them to someone you picked, instead of someone that was simply predestined for you.

You hadn't let out a sound, but as with so many other things between you, JJ could sense your feelings. He let your hand go, bringing both arms around, pulling you deeper in to him, resting his head on top of yours, whispering your name, a plea, a prayer, a question that you weren't ready to answer. As you continued to sway he let himself imagine what it would be like to say these things to you. To say everything he wanted to say to you, freely, without guilt or shame or fear of what you might say or not say back to him.

Before the song could fade out, the ocean crashed beside you, rushing up to soak your feet unexpectedly and you pulled away as the cool water brought you back to reality. You grabbed the hem of your dress, wiping discretely at the tears on your face as you looked up at JJ, his eyes on you, mouth parted like he wanted to say something, a look on his face you hadn't seen before. He was normally so happy, so carefree, but he was stone serious as he reached out a hand to tuck a piece of your hair behind your ears.

"JJ" you whispered, your eyes closing as his fingers brushed your cheek.

He pulled his hand back.

"Let's get you back, princess" he said quietly, "Don't want them to send a search party." You didn't miss the somber look on his face as he slung his arm over your shoulder like nothing had happened.

You lay flat on your bed, staring up at the ceiling as you twirled the ring on your finger. You leaned over to glance at your phone: 2:30 AM. You couldn't sleep. Usually, you crashed into bed after you spent your day surfing and soaking up more sun and Corona than you could remember, but the knowledge that you were heading home to face reality in just a few days had you tossing and turning. What you knew in your mind and what you wanted in your heart raging an endless battle that was tearing you apart. You knew that your parents had painstakingly planned every aspect of your life to be set up for success. A life with Carson meant wanting for nothing. You would have everything at your fingertips: a house, a car, designer clothes and five-star vacations, seven-bedroom rental homes and country clubs. You would want for nothing, except love and affection. Your heart told you that you had thought you had loved Carson, thought you knew what love was before you had come here, before you met JJ. Love wasn't houses and cars and a carefully planned future. Love was stolen glances over a bonfire, safe arms when you were scared, hugs when you were sad, barefoot dances on the beach, your name on his lips. Love was being scared of something and doing it anyway. And you had never been more scared in your life. You flipped over, pulling your pillow over your head.

The next morning it was like nothing had happened the night before, you and JJ falling into your casual but flirty familiarity during your morning surf session. You were both seated on your boards bobbing with the waves next to each other when JJ nudged you and pointed a little further down the shoreline in the water. You covered your eyes, squinting when you saw a burst of water and a dolphin crested the waves. You squealed with delight as you realized it was a whole school of dolphins, maybe 6 or 8, headed your way. You both watched in reverence as they swam closer, circling around you, maybe 10 feet away. You had never experienced anything like that in your life, your head turning every which way to take them in before looking at JJ and laughing.

Your joy was contagious and he laughed with a knowing smile. "They're good luck, you know" he said. You turned to him, curious. "They symbolize guidance, fun and freedom" he continued "And typically mean that good fortune is on its way." He looked around smugly before saying under his breath "...I'll take all the good luck I can get..." as he began to paddle in. The weight of his words not lost on you as you followed him.

That night you eagerly recounted the story to your mom, gushing over the amazing experience of being so close to such beautiful animals. She smiled and squeezed your hand, "I'm so glad you've had a chance to relax. I told you this is just what you needed" before changing the subject tactfully. "The wedding planner called to confirm the last security deposit has been settled for the venue and the band."

Your head snapped up at her, surprised.

"Mom" you started, your voice heavy with tension and trepidation.

"Y/N, this has been a great vacation. You've had your fun and that's what's important, but it's time to start thinking about reality."

The realization hit you and you could feel the dread and anxiety seeping over your body like someone had cracked an egg on your head. It oozed over you, sticky, thick and suffocating. Your family had no intention of letting you break off your engagement. This was a distraction as they continued to weave their web of deceit around you. Your mom had continued planning the wedding this whole time.

You stood up, shaking with the sudden urge to run, the need to be physically anywhere but here. "I'm going out" you said suddenly, grabbing a sweatshirt and your phone as you started walking toward the front door, ignoring your mother's pleas as you slammed it behind you and ran down the steps into the street, letting your feet create the distance you needed.

Hot, angry tears burned in your eyes and ran down your face as your fingers scrambled to your phone, dialing JJ's number before you could think more about it.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and stood to his feet when he saw your name on the caller ID. It was late, later than you'd ever called him before. He danced on the balls of his feet, trying to think of the best way to answer before swiping to pick up the call.

"Hey, princess!" he said, kicking himself for how desperate and eager he sounded.

"Jayj?" you said, your voice a strained cry and his smile immediately dropped, his feet moving on autopilot towards the front door. You weren't okay. "Can you come get me?" you asked.

"I'm on my way" he said, sprinting to a run as he hopped on his bike.

He found you walking on the side of the road a few blocks from the beach, killing the engine on his bike and tipping it into the dirt, not bothering with the kickstand as he ran up to you. You reached your arms up and he pulled you into a deep hug, nearly lifting you off your feet as his arms wrapped tightly around you, his head buried next to yours as you began to cry anew. His heart clenched, a physical pain in his chest as he felt the pain rolling off of you, squeezing you tighter like he could pull it out of you and take it on himself. He didn't try to quiet you down or ask questions, he just let you cry, rocking you side to side, rubbing your back. The sweetness of his touch making you cry even harder.

"I can't do it, JJ" you whispered, muffled in his shirt. His heart hammered in his chest. Did he hear you right? Can't do what? What is she talking about?

"I don't want to marry him, I can't marry him" you said, speaking the words you had felt in your heart but hadn't dared let yourself think or say out loud until now. His heart was beating so hard he was sure you could feel it. If it wasn't for the current circumstances he would have leapt into the air, fist pumped and thrown it in John B's face. He pulled away to look at you and you quickly covered your face with your hands in shame and embarrassment as you tried to wipe the away your tears.

"Come on" he said, putting his arm around you and walking you towards the beach. He needed a damn minute to think.

Your tears turned into sniffles which had turned into ragged breaths by the time you reached the beach, making your way towards the ocean, leaning heavily on JJ as he held onto you.

You walked along the water in silence as you tried to catch your breath and think of what to say. You only had one day left and it felt like if you started talking now even that wouldn't be enough time to say everything you needed to say. You stopped abruptly and turned to him. It was now or never.

"I come from a lot of money, JJ. My family, my dad, our company, it's sort of a big deal where I come from" you squirmed with embarrassment, but knew he needed to hear the whole truth. "My fiancé - Carson-" you squirmed again. Saying his name here, with JJ, in this sacred place felt so wrong, sour on your tongue, but you pushed through, "-He's taking over the company. It's all arranged as part of our engagement, our wedding, so that it stays in the family. If I don't marry him, then we don't have a plan for the business when my dad retires. Carson has been working there for years now, they've already developed a succession plan, put out the press releases..." you continued to spiral, babbling on about the business, the consequences, like you were trying to convince yourself, maybe even convince JJ why this wasn't such an easy decision. You looked up at him and your heart sank at the complete confusion on his face. "You don't get it" you said, disappointed.

"Oh, I'm following you" he reassured you "but I haven't heard you say one thing about what you want. I hear loud and clear what your dad wants, what-" he grimaced, head cocked in anger "he wants" refusing to say your fiancé's name, "But, what about you?"

Your mind echoed back to the first conversation you had with your mother.

"Sweetheart, this isn't just about you."

"THIS IS ABOUT ME! THIS IS MY LIFE!" you had shouted.

And you realized JJ was the first person to acknowledge that you were squarely in the middle of this situation, that this was in fact about you. You hung your head.

JJ mustered his courage to ask the one question he didn't want to ask but desperately needed the answer to. The one with the power to save his life or crush his heart.

"Do you love him?" he murmured.

You were shaking your head before you could register your own movement. Like your body needed JJ to know the words you couldn't say out loud. You looked up at him, biting your lower lip, tears in your eyes again, shaking your head in earnest now as he looked at you like his heart was breaking and mending and breaking again in front of you.

"He's cheating on me" you said finally, the last piece of the puzzle sliding into place as you hung your head again.

"He what?" JJ said incredulously, his voice rising.

"He's cheating on me, sleeping with my best friend" you repeated, like he didn't hear you. You registered him walking away and looked up to see him pacing angrily away from you, hands on his head.

"JJ?" you said and he stopped walking, back still to you as he leaned over and cradled his head in his hands like he physically couldn't take the information you had just shared with him. After a moment, he stood up and walked back over to you.

"Princess" he said, his voice pleading with you as he took your face in his hands gently, emotion thick in his voice, squashing the anger simmering just under the surface. "I can't tell you what to do, I won't tell you what to do, you have enough people in your life doing that for you. All I can do is tell you how I feel because I've been trying to do it for the past week but didn't want to misread the situation. The first night I saw you I thought, no, I knew you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my entire life. I told myself that if you even deigned to speak to me that I would do anything I could to make sure I put a smile on your face every day. That's what I've tried to do, to make you smile, to make you happy, to show you some fun, but along the way it became a whole lot more than that."

"JJ" you whispered, your bottom lip quivering.

He continued without pausing, "It wasn't enough just to go swimming together or go surfing or be out on the boat. I was craving you every moment we were apart, craving the chance to make you laugh, to be the reason there's a smile on those goddamn perfect lips, to see that twinkle in your eye, to grab your attention, even if it's to laugh at me or something stupid I said, I literally didn't care. I only have eyes for you... You know what I thought that day we were surfing and you thought there was something in the water?"

You shook your head.

"I thought that a shark could have bitten my leg off and I would have been the happiest guy in the world to spend my last damn moments on earth surfing with you, knowing that you were in my arms, that you felt safe in my arms, that you wanted to be in my arms" he choked up a bit at that. "That's not normal Y/N. Nothing I feel about you is normal. What we have isn't normal. It's fucking extraordinary. I'm falling in love with you, Y/N. Hard."

Tears slid down your cheeks as your lips continued to wobble. JJ pulled your face closer to his, now just inches away as he held your face in his palms, gently but firmly. He was biting his lower lip, eyes glancing at your lips.

You closed your eyes, pursing your lips. You felt him move forward when you whispered, "JJ, I can't, we can't. I'm engaged, and I won't do to him what he's done to me."

He sighed heavily as he rested his forehead against yours before pulling you back into his arms in a warm hug. He admired your morals and hated them at the same time.

"What are you going to do, princess?" he asked quietly after a few minutes.

"I don't know" you said, your voice barely a whisper as you hugged him closer. Willing the world to stop turning, so you didn't have to face tomorrow.

You wouldn't have wanted to spend your last morning anywhere else as you and JJ paddled out to surf. There was a thick tension in the air and an uncharacteristic seriousness about him that ebbed away but never fully disappeared as you fell into your normal rhythms, though this time it was you trying to make him laugh rather than the other way around. You could feel him looking at you closely as you bobbed in the waves, like he was trying to memorize you, afraid you would slip away.

You spent the rest of the day packing and going through the motions, in denial at the idea of leaving the place and the person that had become so special to you.

Your friends wanted to throw you a goodbye party at the chateau, which you managed to enjoy despite the circumstances. Your heart squeezed at the idea of leaving more than just the rolling beach, the morning surf and the blonde boy behind, but also a group of genuine friends, so drastically different than your so-called friends back at home.

JJ gave you a ride home that night. It felt fitting to spend your last night on the back of his bike, your bodies molded together comfortably as you leaned into him, resting your head on his back, hugging his abs with practiced ease. You had traded your dress and high heels for a damp bikini, shorts and one of his sweatshirts and you no longer worried about getting your hair tangled. A lot had changed in two weeks.

He rolled slowly up to your driveway, cutting off the engine but refusing to move, like if he didn't get off the bike, then he didn't have to say goodbye. You slid off the back, pulled off your helmet and shook out your hair like you'd been doing it the whole summer. JJ took off his own and let his eyes roam over you, the relaxed way your body moved, the sunburn on your nose from your days in the sun, the way you looked in his sweatshirt. He had told himself he was going to show you a good time and he had. If nothing else, he was happy to give you that, even if you didn't share his feelings. He got off the bike and looked down at you, smiling sweetly but sadly as he brushed his thumb over your cheek.

"I don't want to say goodbye" he said sadly.

You stomach churned with a guilt different from the one you had felt all week. You weren't guilty for the way you felt about JJ anymore. You were guilty for the look he had on his face right now, like you had taken this happy and carefree boy and run his heart over with his own bike.

"Please don't be sad" you said pleadingly.

"How can I not be sad?" he said with a bitter laugh, "You're leaving me."

"I'm not leaving you" you said pointedly. "I have to go home, I have to figure things out."

"And then what?" he pressed boldly, kicking himself at the fear and anger evident in his voice as he dropped his hand from your face.

"And then, I don't know!" you said, exasperated. "I'm doing the best I can, JJ. It's just a lot to figure out."

"Seems pretty simple to me" he said tartly.

You sighed in frustration.

"I'm sorry" he said quickly, "I don't want to fight with you. I'm just sad my surfing buddy is leaving" he joked, trying to lighten the mood as he leaned over to hug you. You curled into his arms, pressing your body firmly against his in a hug much more intimate than one shared with a friend as he nuzzled into your neck and the warmth of his breath tickled your skin. You swayed back and forth like that for a moment before you finally let go. You met his midnight blue eyes one last time as they drank you in. A sweet smile rested on his lips as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your forehead. "Come back to me, princess" he said, stepping back and taking one last look at you before he hopped on his bike and rode down the street.

You managed to make it all the way to your room and into your bed before you cried loudly into your pillow, tugging his sweatshirt around you.

You were up early the next morning for your flight. When your alarm blared it felt like you hadn't slept more than an hour. You blearily showered and got dressed, stuffing JJ's sweatshirt deep into your suitcase before dragging it downstairs. You and your mom sipped your coffees in silence, trading glares over your mugs before you stepped outside to load up the car. You had wrangled your suitcase to the bottom of the stairs before you looked up and dropped your suitcase at your feet, your eyes transfixed on the single pink peony resting on the hood of your car. You ran over to, looking for a note and smiling when you didn't find one. You didn't need a note, you knew who it was from. You held it close to your chest like you could reach him through it. You finished packing the car and your mother pointedly ignored the flower as you tucked it into your purse.

The flight back home was uneventful but for the blanket of silence that rested over the two of you. The veil of the fun girls' getaway torn away to reveal the farce that it was.

So much had changed for you in the two weeks you were gone that you were surprised when you pulled into your driveway to see everything exactly as you'd left it. Your life had been flipped on its head, but this reality continued, unchanging. It felt like your house should have burned to the ground or that everyone around you should know what happened in the Outer Banks, but they didn't, they carried on and tugged you along with them in a whirlwind of dinner parties and wedding planning. You followed in dazed confusion, like a toddler aimlessly follows a parent. You touched the clothes in your closet, ran your hand over your kitchen counter like you were a stranger in your own home, like they belonged to someone else. This didn't feel like a part of you anymore.

JJ texted you relentlessly, and even tried calling, but you couldn't bring yourself to pick up and deleted the texts before reading them. You didn't want to torture yourself with something you could never have, as you felt everything you had with him slipping through your fingers.

Before you knew it, three weeks had passed. You felt like a zombie. Carson could tell something was off, even he wasn't that stupid. When he went to kiss you, you turned away and gave him your cheek instead, and when he reached for you in bed you rolled away and he also turned away, aggressive in his rejection. His touch made your skin crawl.

On the morning of the fourth week since you were back you were surprised to find a note on your bedside table when you woke up.

Come downstairs, I have a surprise for you ❤️

That shouldn't have made you gag. You wanted to roll over and go back to sleep, but you weren't sleeping well anyway. You pulled yourself up, groaning, tugging on your robe and slippers and padding downstairs to the kitchen. Your breath caught in your throat. Every surface had a bursting bouquet of pink roses. As Carson saw you enter the room, he handed you an iced latte from Starbucks. "Iced caramel latte and pink roses!" he said, clearly thrilled with himself. "Your favorites!" You looked down at the iced beverage, ice already half melted and looked around at the pink flowers, all the wrong type. You looked at your large kitchen with marble countertops and the open floorplan that poured into a designer-decorated living room as you thought about the single pink peony on your car. You sighed, tears rising up. You set the coffee down on the counter and turned to face Carson. You were scared. Terrified. You were making a cataclysmic life decision that you weren't sure you had the courage to make. You thought about the feeling of a dirt bike skidding out beneath your three-inch heels, you thought about dark choppy waves filled with sharks and jellyfish and slimy things that tickled your toes and then you thought about warm arms and a blonde-haired boy that promised you that if you had a little courage, everything was going to be okay. You reached for your ring and tugged it off your finger, placing it in Carson's hand.

It had been four weeks and John B didn't have it in him to tell JJ he had been right all along as he watched his best friend trudge through the days like he was sleepwalking. He was doing all of the JJ things with none of the JJ energy. He paddled out to surf with them but let wave after wave go by as he stared blankly out at the ocean, like he was hoping you would appear out of thin air. He went to parties and didn't touch a drop of alcohol. He smiled and laughed but none of it reached his eyes and when he thought no one was looking, he sunk quietly into himself, brows furrowed, hands running over his face, eyes fixed on his phone, willing it to ring.

Now JJ was kicked back at the chateau, laying in the hammock by himself in silence, staring out over the marsh.

"This is so depressing" Pope said as he looked over at him and the group nodded in agreement.

Sarah's phone chimed and she pulled it out of her pocket, her eyes quickly scanning the text as a grin spread on her face and she beckoned the group around her quietly.

As the night came to a close and everyone was getting ready to leave, Sarah shot John B a knowing look.

"Hey JJ - we surfin' our spot tomorrow?" he asked.

"I don't know, man" JJ said lazily as he rolled out of the hammock and trudged over to the group. "I might just stay in, get some sleep... you know..." he trailed off.

Sarah shot John B another look, urging him on.

"Come on, man, the waves are supposed to be tight with that storm rolling off Florida. Boys day!" he said, pointing at Pope.

"Y-yeah!" Pope said, picking up late on the hint, "Boys day, come on!"

"Fine, fine" JJ said, waving them off as he wandered over to his bike. "I'll see y'all in the morning." As the bike kicked up dust, John B and Pope pounded fists.

JJ barely managed to pull himself out of bed. He felt nauseous. Sick. He couldn't remember the last time he ate. That probably had something to do with it. The ache in his heart probably had more to do with it. He lazily pulled on a bathing suit off the floor, grabbed his board and hopped on his bike. He didn't want to be grilled for missing 'boys day', whatever that meant.

He was pissed to see he was the first one there as he trudged down to the water, sticking his board in the sand and flopping down onto his back, bringing an arm to cover his eyes from the early morning sun. He was so deep in his own head, he didn't hear the sound of the sand kicking up beside him.

"Laying alone in the sand at 6:00 in the morning, isn't a great way to meet people" a voice said.

He thought he was hallucinating as he shot up, eyes searching for the source of the voice and coming to land on you. You were in his favorite bikini, one hand covering your eyes from the sun as you smiled at him, one hand on your hip. He stood up so quickly he nearly lost his balance in the sand.

"Y/N?" he said, confusion and awe clear in his voice along with a thousand unspoken questions. What are you doing here? What does this mean? He was frozen to the spot, mouth opening and closing, clearly trying to string together a sentence when you flashed your left hand at him like you had the first night you met, letting the lack of a ring speak for itself. His eyes grew wide at the sight, his heart wanting so desperately to believe what his eyes could see.

Please don't let this be a dream. Please don't let this be a dream he thought as he walked towards you. When he finally placed his hands on either side of your face, when his fingers made contact with your warm skin, confirming you weren't a figment of his imagination, his smile was back as he grinned from ear to ear, eyes twinkling as he threw his head back and let out a loud "WOOOOO!" before scooping you into his arms and spinning you around. Your heart soared. He was like a little kid on a candy high as he spun you around and then took off for the water, sprinting into the ocean as you both laughed and tumbled into the waves together, momentarily losing your grasp on one another before you resurfaced and his arms reached out for you underwater, tugging you towards him again, your arms wrapping around his neck, your legs wrapping around his waist, your bodies perfectly molded to one another.

Something about being back in the water together where you had spent so much time stealing glances, brushing limbs and dancing around each other heightened the tension as your wet bodies pressed tightly together. All of him was pressed against all of you. You were hypersensitive to each other's touch; no longer forbidden, no longer secret. He ran his hand up your back and his thick arms encircled you, the simple touch mind-numbingly sexy after so much time apart. You brushed his damp hair off his forehead, letting your fingers tangle in his blonde locks, your faces inches from each other. He smiled at the feeling of your fingers in his hair. He couldn't wait any longer, he pulled you into him. He tasted like saltwater and sunscreen and summer. He kissed you deeply and passionately, a hand behind your head as he flicked his tongue against your lower lip and you let it curl into your mouth, reciprocating with your own. He pulled you impossibly closer to him as you bobbed in the waves together. You paused, trying to pull back. There was a lot you needed to say. "MmMm" he said, shaking his head against yours, refusing to break the kiss and instead kissing your deeper as he let his hands roam over your body. Your head was swimming, dizzy with his touch.

"JJ!" you managed to sneak out finally, taking his face in your hands, forcing him to look at you. "There's a lot I need to say."

"I think you're speaking loud and clear" he said, squeezing you and running a hand down to squeeze your ass, making you laugh as you slapped his shoulder playfully.

"I mean it!" you said, giggling, and he took the opportunity to kiss you again quickly. You took his face in your hands, tone serious. "I'm sorry I didn't see what was right in front of me. I-I was scared. Scared to walk away from what I knew even if it wasn't what I wanted. I know that might not make sense, but you gave me the courage to do it. To go after what I wanted for me, for my life."

He smiled, meeting your strong gaze with his, "Nah, princess, you did that all on your own."

"Well, if it wasn't abundantly obvious" you said, "I'm falling in love with you too, JJ Maybank. Hard." You could barely get the words out before he crashed his lips to yours again, capturing your smile with his own.

part two!

taglist: @ietss, @gillybear17, @palmwinemami, @sweetestdesire, @m-indkiller, @ashlaylayxd

#jj maybank #jj maybank fanfiction #obx jj #obx jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #obx jj x reader #jj obx #jj obx fic #jj obx imagine #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank x you #jj x reader #outerbanks jj #obx fanfiction #obx fic #obx imagine #outer banks #obx

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genericpuff · 1 year ago

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no but listen, rachel has truly embodied herself as persephone because she's constantly trying to "distance herself" from her past as a medical fetish artist but then keeps the name that's affiliated with her medical fetish art-

Like, I can't believe I never noticed it before tbh, but that was the thought that hit me while I was explaining to someone on reddit what the name "used bandaid" meant and why it was weird that Rachel is STILL using it on her print cover books, even now when she just recently set up a new Facebook account with her REAL NAME and not the used_bandaid penname (I feel like this is an attempt to "legitimize" herself in the industry but idk).

But that leads me into talking about how she keeps lying about LO being her first webcomic project and that really pisses me off. And yes, this is related to the used_bandaid thing, just bear with me here.

A lot of my contempt for this is for reasons that go beyond her, I just hate the notion that people should succeed on their "first try" and that's an idea that's often sold by people like Rachel who spin these grandiose stories of how they were just "trying it out" and suddenly wham! Fame and fortune! You can achieve all this and more if you just xyz!

Literally, in every interview I've found over the past couple years, she always heavily implies that LO was her "first attempt", that she had never used Webtoons prior to LO, and that she was just "dipping her toes" into the medium. None of this is true, she's literally been drawing webcomics since the early 2000's (possibly earlier but the earliest documentation we can find is of The Doctor Pepper Show), LO wasn't even her first webcomic on the Webtoons platform (that goes to The Doctor Foxglove Show which she ended up dumping a chapter in to work on LO almost immediately after starting it on Tumblr) and as much as she'll claim she "couldn't pay anyone to look at her work", she had landed a number of gigs that got her work out there, had been printed in anthology collections, and IIRC she had even won some small local NZ awards for her comics prior to LO. Shit, there was a local beer brand that had her art on its labelling.

But it really feels like she's trying her damn hardest to hide all that, never mentioning or implying that she did anything prior to LO, that she was just a "struggling graphic artist working in retail" until LO happened.

So why keep the penname that's directly affiliated with that past identity ??

It boggles my mind, honestly, especially considering she had gone by MULTIPLE usernames back then, some of which were actually pretty sane that she could have used instead (such as Rach Alex, which she uses in her FB groups, and Rachel Royale).

I wouldn't blame her if she was trying to hide her old medical fetish stuff, whether she didn't want it affiliated with her new LO branding or if she's just embarrassed by it, I can totally empathize with that because god knows I wouldn't be all that proud to show off the cringy shit I got up to during my early days on the Internet. But if she IS embarrassed by it, you'd think the last thing she'd want to keep is the name that's directly affiliated with the thing she's embarrassed by. Almost like a certain pink protagonist who goes by the name she earned after doing the thing she doesn't want to talk about.

But if she ISN'T embarrassed by it, then why lie?

Why paint this picture that LO was a one hit wonder, that she lived on "struggle street" until she found fame and fortune on Webtoons?

Oh right. Because it's a better story.

Because it's way more romantic to be some struggling indie darling who "came from nothing" and achieved fame through one big idea. Because it looks good for the platform who's trying to attract people to their app and website on the promise that you, too, can be a success story simply because you followed the exact same perceived steps that you saw another person follow and advertise.

If you can't tell from my tone, I really fucking hate this kind of disingenuous wish fulfillment advertising. It's manipulative, it's cruel, and it sets people up with expectations far beyond their scope of reaching, both due to the luck and "being in the right place at the right time" involved at best (which is a HUGE factor in stories like these that people never talk about), or through joy-killing comparison at worst when you don't achieve worldwide fame on your first try and wonder why everyone else did (spoiler: they didn't, they just want you to think that because it makes for better headlines and it gets you using whatever product they're affiliated with.)

If Rachel doesn't want to be tied down to her past, that's fine. But it's incredibly irresponsible and flat out cruel to lie about that past existing at all because it sets a horrible precedent to those who look up to her and want what she has.

And I say all that because I've seen what happens to the people starting out who admire these creators who painted the picture that they were just successful right off the bat. It's not a fun headspace to be in, it's robbed many creators like myself and others of their joy in creating, and it's really all just a ploy to get you to spend time and money and energy on a stupid corporate phone app that profits off your emotional investment and labor. Don't fall for it. Pretending like the Act of Wrath didn't happen doesn't remove it from history.

Anyways, I was gonna leave it at that, but then I ended up doing another rabbithole deep dive through her Wayback Machine and found album art she had illustrated for NZ band PorcelainToy. Enjoy this piece of her "dark era" art that still exists without needing to use the Wayback Machine.

youtube

#sorry btw if this seems like a sequel to the post i just made i stg they're not related #this post was written at like 4 am after doing another hyperfixated deep dive #so it's literally just an unfortunate but funny coincidence that it came right after me talking about my own roots LOL #i gotta go to bed i'm getting stabbed with ink tomorrow #lore olympus critical #lo critical #antiloreolympus #anti lore olympus #Youtube

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delopsia · 2 years ago

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When Rhett's beloved belt buckle finally breaks, it's on your one-month anniversary.

He says he knew it was going to happen one of these days; the damn thing is older than the both of you combined, but when Rhett's got you up against the wall, the last thing you expect to hear is something metal clattering to the floor. In one smooth motion, the piece of steel that holds onto the belt has completely separated from the rest of the buckle.

You knew Rhett was going to be upset the day it finally happened, but you certainly didn't expect to find yourself kissing away the tears that spill onto his pale cheeks. It's the only thing he has of his grandfather, won in a rodeo back in '48. And even though you're not privy to all the Abbott family drama just yet, you know enough to understand that Perry got almost everything when the old man passed a few years back. Archaic first-born privileges, or whatnot. Probably would have gotten the buckle, too, if he'd ever been bold enough to climb on the back of a bull.

The two of you spend hours researching ways to fix it, but those YouTube tutorials only go so far, and the fix that works only lasts for three days before breaking again.

You've been dating Rhett for two and a half months when you come across a buckle in an online thrift shop. It's not quite as oversized and flashy as ol' faithful was and looks entirely different from what you usually see around Wabang. But it's complete with subtle engravings and a big, detailed bull skull in the center that just screams, "Rhett Abbott would wear this."

And so it winds up in your shopping cart; arrives five days later, nestled safely between the clothes you'd gotten as well. The pictures didn't do it any justice. You didn't pay a whole lot for it, but it doesn't look cheap in the slightest; in fact, it's the perfect example of what fine craftsmanship looks and feels like.

You're waiting to give it to him after the family dinner he's bringing you to; the perfect way to finish your first legitimate outing with the rest of his family. The buckle isn't heavy by any means, but it feels like it weighs a hundred pounds in your purse when you walk out the front door that day.

Rhett and Royal are already there, so low-maintenance that all they need to do is shower and change clothes. You're pretty sure you saw Cecelia doing her makeup in the passenger seat when you walked past, and God only knows if Perry and his wife will make it. Those two are lucky if they make it a mile down the road before getting into a spat.

Royal's talking so heatedly that he hardly notices your presence, "See, this is what I don't get," jamming his thumb toward a tourist standing in the checkout line, "Why do kids y'all's age think it's okay to be wearin' buckles they didn't win?"

Your smile falls, hits the floor with an ear-splitting shatter that only you can hear.

God, of course, you should have thought of that before you hit that dumb little purchase button. You can't give him this big hunk of metal if he didn't win it in the first place! Why didn't you ask first? Or research before letting your heart get ahead of your head?

"Y'alright?" Rhett's big, warm hand rubs the space between your shoulders, and for the briefest second, you wonder if he'd heard your smile shatter after all.

The first thing you do when you get home is bury that obnoxiously-shiny buckle in the back of your sock drawer. Rhett wins a new buckle a few months later, one deserving of being worn.

That hunk of embarrassment makes appearances every once in a blue moon. A couple times when you're fumbling around for a very particular pair. Once you wind up grabbing it simply because you've forgotten what it was, only to stuff it back the moment the memory bubbled back up to the surface.

And gradually, time flies by. A six-month anniversary date becomes a one-year, two years, three, four. The socks in your drawer are completely different from the ones you wore back then. There's a stack of ill-shot polaroids collecting in the bottom left corner because Rhett can't aim the camera to save his life.

You've moved house twice. Once into a rental to be closer to Rhett and again into a proper house together because his staying for the weekend and leaving early Monday mornings could only last so long. What's yours has become Rhett's, and you haven't thought twice about it.

"Damnit!"

Rhett's head pops up from beside the bed, eyes wide as can be, "What happened?"

"I only grabbed one sock again," you grumble, putting your shoe back on the floor. You haven't the slightest clue how you've done this three times in a row, but you have.

"'M sorry," Rhett's already reaching for your drawer, "I'm shit at gettin' them to stay together." But as his hand dips blindly into the array of socks, his expression shifts, nose scrunching, eyes darting from the socks to you.

And you... can't understand why he's looking at you like that. "What?"

Something hard scrapes against the wooden bottom as Rhett grabs ahold of it, something round and shiny that you don't ever recall seeing before.

Those handsome features soften as he realizes what's sitting in the palm of his hand. A carefully crafted hunk of metal that's spent the better half of four years hiding away amongst your socks.

"Rhett?"

"What's this?" Carefully, he lifts it for you to see.

The moment your eyes land on the familiar shape, you can feel them begin to widen. "That..." shit, why do you still have that thing? "It's just some...dumb thing I forgot to throw out."

Rhett's head cocks to the side, corners of his lips turning downward. Doesn't say anything just yet, but those deep blues hold a million and one questions as he turns it back and forth in his big, talented hands. Beneath his breath, he mutters, mainly to himself, "'s pretty."

Like a dam broken, your mouth begins to move, "I got it for you after your favorite buckle broke." You can't bring yourself to look at that old hunk of metal; instead, you find yourself staring down at the singular sock on your foot. "I didn't know that you can only wear buckles that you won until after I bought it."

"What moron told you that?" Quick, borderline incredulous.

"Royal," that name is bitter on your tongue for more than one reason, "he was saying something about it that first time I went out for dinner with your family."

Bare feet patter across the hardwood as Rhett comes around the bed, buckle in hand, catching in the light when he reaches out to cradle your cheeks. Looking him in the eye is the last thing you want to do, but you let him lift your head regardless.

"Can you do somethin' for me?" He hums, "Don't ever believe a damn thing that ol' bastard preaches 'bout."

That hadn't been the reaction you were expecting at all. "What do you mean?"

"There's an ol' rule that you don't wear buckles for a rodeo you didn't win," thumbs stroking your cheekbones, "but what Royal said was just him misinterpretin' shit so he can bitch."

Your eyes roll. "Well, you've already got a replacement, so it's not a big deal anyway."

All Rhett can do is hold up a big index finger, disappearing out of the bedroom without another word. Walks back in at the same time that you get the proper socks on your feet.

That buckle is the first thing you see. Standing proud on the front of his belt, remarkably small compared to the former one, and yet, the spitting image of what you imagined when you bought it all those years ago.

"I thought you liked your rodeo buckle?" Speaking mostly to yourself.

"I do," the bed dips as he settles down next to you, a million-dollar smile plastered across his face, "but I like this one better."

Four years. That buckle spent four years hiding away in the back of your sock drawer, nothing but a waste of money and a sour memory that arose every once in a while.

And now it's never spent a second off of Rhett's belt.

It goes with him on his rodeo circuits, glimmering in those towering stadium lights like a little cluster of stars. That old bull skull scratches against your palm on the nights you can't wait to get to the bedroom and leaves imprints on your skin when you sit in his lap. It's there for your anniversary dates and your just-because dates, and it gets polished for the special events that require finer attire.

Then you catch yourself one day, drumming your fingers against it, your head resting against Rhett's sturdy chest. Too tired to move but not tired enough to fall asleep, and it just flies out of your mouth, "Why do you like this buckle so much, anyway?"

Because you haven't forgotten how he used to obsess over his rodeo buckles. How hard he worked, and the injuries he suffered in pursuit of them. A dislocated shoulder, countless broken ribs, concussions, and a shattered ankle, just to name a few. And now those buckles do nothing more than sit up on a shelf he built, intended to do nothing but hold those old, dusty prizes.

Rhett hums, hot air blowing against your skin as he bumps his nose into your forehead, "Because you got it for me." Pauses to press a kiss into your scalp. "T's more special than any of them ol' premade buckles they hand out in rodeos."

"What if it was a PBR Champion buckle?" You can't see it, but you can feel his eyelashes flutter against your skin as he rolls his eyes.

"I'll make you wear that hypothetical buckle for me." Another kiss. "Because this one ain't comin' off, sweetheart."

#rhett abbott #rhett abbott x y/n #rhett abbott imagine #rhett abbott x reader #rhett abbott x you #rhett abbott fanfiction #rhett abbott fic #outer range #outer range fic #outer range amazon #x reader #self insert #reader self insert #rhett abbott outer range #delgato's warmups

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theonevoice · 1 year ago

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Rumination n. 5 - What if Aziraphale can make a difference? On choosing each other, for real

There is a scene in s2 that I keep thinking about, and I don't see it discussed almost at all: it's the first conversation between Michael and Uriel after Gabriel's disappearance.

This is a power struggle. Very human, not celestial at all, fight for power. It's not even hidden or coded.

Now - and this could just be my brain getting smooth over this show that is devouring my soul - the more I think about this moment, the more I am convinced that this very human moment (and its various subsequent reprises) is signaling us that Heaven has, so to speak, "margin for improvement." And probably so does Hell.

I feel that we have been oversimplifying Heaven and Hell because they "look" simple and monolytical, especially when compared to the nuanced worldview that Aziraphale and Crowley developed over their 6000 years of experience on Earth. But there are some heavy "shades of grey" in Heaven. They are ruthless, for a start (see the Fall and, well, most of what happens in the Bible). They are proud and arrogant (see how they behave with Aziraphale and "37th order scrivener, but, you know, noone" Muriel). They are power-angry (which, in the context of an existence that doesn't need money or power, its just a symptom of vanity, in my opinion). They have far more human-like qualities than they should, we just don't give much attention to them because our focus is squarely on their stiff adherence to the "Heavenly code" and their role as antagonists/enemies of the protagonists.

Same goes for Hell, with opposite sign: Hastur was shocked by the destruction of Ligur, Shax and Furfur appear to have some form of camaraderie or loyalty towards each other, the demon Josh notices that Beelzebub is acting weird and asks them if they're feeling alright, and Beelzebub, well, is a Grand Duke of Hell capable of falling in love.

So, what if, given this margin, Aziraphale can make a difference?

Until now, if I am not mistaken, the most common take on what expects Aziraphale as Supreme Archangel is "he's going to realize that Heaven cannot be fixed and he will have to finally drop his idealized delusion and fight his way back to Crowley." Which I personally love as a scenario (but, to be honest, I am loving almost any GO scenario that floats in my direction: the creativity of this fandom is unbelievable and so respectful of the characters that every speculation feels like it could be Neil Gaiman's work), but it could undermine the weight of his choice.

Because choice is a theme in this show: not choice as in "choosing sides," but choice as in "making up one's mind and taking a serious, conscious, thought-through decision." And if Heaven is just a lost cause, unable to change and irredimable, then it's not much of a choice for Aziraphale to go back to Crowley. But if Heaven does react to change, if the human-like qualities that other archangels have displayed become a bridge, and Aziraphale, with his warmth and kindness and softness, actually manages to bring Michael and Uriel and others on more reasonable positions - then his choice becomes a real choice that he has to make.

Not the "easy" choice between reality and delusion but a hard choice between Crowley and the real opportunity to be the one who makes a difference.

(I am still slightly infatuated with the possibility that, just before the Fall, it was an already damned Crowley who asked him to "be a good angel" and "make a difference" because he could see how genuinely good Aziraphale was, compared to the "institutional goodness" of the others, but I have already blabbered about this in another rumination)

Also, I read a brilliant post a couple of weeks back (I will edit as soon as I find it again) about how, despite their appearance and demeanour, Crowley is basically an engineer, "armed" with a tool for creating cosmic machinery and putting it in motion, while Aziraphale is a fighter, armed with an actual sword. And this got me thinking again: in Christian iconography, Michael is the belligerant archangel, the one who is recognizable by his sword. Now, Neil Gaiman does not let pre-existing traditions dictate what he writes, obviously. But still, we could witness an unforseen connection between Aziraphale and, against all odds, the other sword-wielding entity, Michael: and it could led to some unexpected coalition, possibly even against the Metatron and the plans regarding the Second Coming.

After all, in a way, Michael has already displayed many human and very shades-of-gray traits: let's not forget that, already in s1, it was Michael the one communicating on the "grapevine that obviously doesn't exist" with Hell (I believe behind Gabriel's back: the more I rewatch it, the more I think that he honestly didn't know about it) and still is in s2. It was Michael the one bringing Holy Water downstairs. It is Michael the one that has first-hand experience of what it means to "collaborate with the enemy" in order to get things done.

I don't know how likely this is but it seems to me that it would be interesting if Aziraphale, instead of just leaving Heaven in disgust after some failed attempt at "fixing it," will have to make the hard choice between a Heaven that was starting, for real, to show signs of improvement and his old life on Earth with Crowley.

And something similar could happen on the other side, should Crowley go back to Hell (either out of rage and desperation or because something comes up that forces him to do so). Maybe he could find for the first time ever a sense of "demonic brotherhood" with his "colleagues" (maybe Shax and Furfur themselves). Something that he had never imagined during the six millennia he has spent believing to be alone in the universe if not for Aziraphale.

Maybe their reunion will be about having an alternative to their life together and choosing it anyway. If you think about it, one thing that they never had to do was deciding to be together instead of being somewhere else, doing something else, with somebody else. Being the two of them has always been their only reality - dangerous and hidden, of course, but undisputed, in a way: together since the early days in the Garden, noone else around to compete with that, no other supernatural person-shaped entity to serve as a potential alternative. Their respective head offices are two opposite voids, two negative spaces that have literally nothing that could attract them. Of course, they are in love with each other and they would probably be in love with each other in any possible alternative universe, but it's not like they have chosen to be with each other, they were just the only two person-shaped entities around, pulled together by the gravity of their respective loneliness and fears, doubts and little joys.

But if in s3 we see them acquire "alternatives", something else of value that exists outside their group of the two of them, then they will have to choose their life together for real, this time.

#good omens #good omens 2 #go2 #good omens thoughts #good omens 2 spoilers #go 2 speculation #crowley #aziraphale #go2 spoilers #ineffable husbands #ineffable divorce

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uwuyangeppie · 5 months ago

Note

hello! can you please do gepard spanking (name) as a punishment, i don’t have a clue whether you do nsfw or not but it doesn’t have to be!! thank you! hope ya have a nice night/morning/evening. :3

i don’t think this is nsfw, but it’s my first time writing spanking so i could be wrong (let me know if it is). anyway i think it turned out alright in the end…

cw: non-consensual spanking (please let me know if there's any other warnings i should add!)

you are terrified.

you can’t help it. you imagine this is what it’s like for every kidnapping victim, although you can’t say for sure if you’ve met any others. gepard has been nothing but nice to you, but the fact remains that nobody knows where you are and he has no intentions of letting you out.

he was quite forward in telling you all this on the day you woke up, which was…

you don’t know how long it’s been. you’ve lost count. definitely more than a week, at least? you’re only allowed out of your “room” (the basement) when he’s home, and it’s quite hard to get a grasp on how much time is passing when you barely get a chance to look out the window.

there’s a very real chance that he’s doing that on purpose.

as kind as he is, it’s a miracle that you can trust him at all (even if it’s just a drop in an empty bucket). if the captain of the silvermane guards can break the law so easily, then you have no idea what’s in store for you, no matter what he spews out.

today, he says he’s coming home late. how late is late? you ask, feigning interest, sensing an opportunity. after all, he never ties you up, worried about your wrists. it’s only ever the door that gets locked.

“probably… hmm, maybe an hour later than normal? i’ll cook a bigger dinner tonight to make up for my absence. i promise it’ll be worth it.” he kisses the top of your head before he leaves- and you almost immediately start trying to break down that damn door once he’s gone.

and you succeed. the fresh air is like a slice of heaven. you never thought you’d be so grateful for something so simple. still, your first goal is to run, run, run, to hide, to tell someone, anyone, everyone what happened to you.

and you do run.

"darling, i'm disappointed. to think i was even going to let you out of the house."

…right into gepard’s chest.

you stare up at him. he was going to let you out…? you didn’t need to go to all this effort…? you- you ruined your chance at freedom with your own two hands?

gepard guides you back to his house, away from prying eyes, apparently done with his work. ah, maybe you’re more important to him than a couple of meetings. in the end, you never did get that far. despair starts to settle in your heart.

he briefly examines the state of your room, but doesn’t say a word about it. you decide to stay quiet about it too.

"i suppose i should nip this in the bud before it becomes a habit for you."

back upstairs, it’s all you can do but tilt your head in confusion. even when he pulls out a chair, your mind doesn’t connect the dots. after all, gepard’s been nothing but nice.

it only begins to click when he bends you over his knee and pulls down your pants with ease. you’re getting punished.

“remember,” he says, voice stern, “this is your fault.”

his hands are rough from the years and the nature of his work. to be honest though, you don’t even notice. you’re too fixated on the sting of your ass. the reality of your situation starts to sink in, and you suddenly feel very vulnerable.

perhaps he notices this. “your fault,” he croons, like this repetition makes a difference to you. he does not tell you to count to a number like some of your other friends have talked about, and you get the awful feeling that he’s going to spank you until he feels like it’s enough.

the next one is harder, in the same spot as the first. you yelp, but for better or for worse, he doesn't react. they gradually get faster and faster, each in the same spot with the precision that only the captain of the silvermane guards could manage. even though you haven’t been asked to count, you lose track of them quickly, just like you’ve lost track of everything else.

“i’m sorry,” you sob, the pain too much for you. “i’m sorry, gepard!”

you're trembling. this experience has well and truly uprooted everything else you thought you knew about gepard, with your cheeks stained with tears, hands gripping the chair legs, and gaze glued to the ground. you brace yourself, waiting for the next hit. it doesn’t come.

“sorry for what?”

“i shoul- should’ve stayed here,” you hiccup. “i never should have left.”

silence. he’s waiting for you to continue. you don’t dare try to pull yourself off his lap, although you’re not sure you have the strength for that anyway.

“i’ll never ru- leave again,” you whimper, tears still streaming down your face. it hurts. it hurts. please don’t start again.

“that’s what i like to hear.” effortlessly, he pulls you up into a sitting position. it only worsens the pain, but when you finally meet his eyes, they’re filled with the same warmth that you’ve always known them to have. your uncertainty about what lies beneath, though, taints them.

"don't cry, darling. i'm sorry, i didn't mean to be so rough." is that really true, though? he leans in to kiss your tears away, and you reflexively lurch back, anxiety temporarily snatching control of your body.

something flickers across his face, but it's gone in an instant. he makes a noise that sounds a lot like "hmmm". now that fear’s holding the reins, though, you don’t notice. you’re too busy scrambling off his lap and pulling up your pants again, still in quite a bit of pain.

after a little bit of thinking, gepard stands up and brushes himself off. it’s almost time to make dinner. you probably won't try to run off again any time soon, especially not after his little lie about how he was planning on letting you out of the house. still, he should probably say something to remind you where you belong.

“oh, you destroyed your door, didn’t you? well, i suppose you’ll just have to sleep with me tonight.”

#i like formatting too lmfao #formatting and commas those are my two big things #uhhh. hopefully this is okay?#otherwise sorry for disappointing you anon #some of the syntax in this was hard so i just kinda gave up lmao #you may be able to see where those examples are #asked and answered #requests are open #gepard landau x reader #gepard x reader #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #hsr #hsr x reader #yandere gepard #yandere gepard x reader

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tanzalatazaa · 5 months ago

Text

English isn't my first language, so there are probably mistakes. I didn't proofread it before uploading it, so any constructive criticism is welcome.

My angel

Bakugou’s vision blurs, everything happened so fast. From one moment to another he wasn’t standing anymore. As his eyes slowly close, he can see lights in the distance. He can hear screams, and battle sounds. Lying on the ground in silence, he tries to keep his eyes open. All he can remember is that they were fighting some villains, then suddenly his head hit hard on a wall, and now he is on there trying not to faint.

The world becomes slow through his vision, his head hurts, and he thinks that maybe closing his eyes for a couple of seconds wouldn’t be that bad, right? but, as soon as he does it a face appears in his mind.

Akira.

Bakugou opens his eyes as fast as his injured body lets him, he scans the place. He has to find her, that's all he can think about. Everything is chaotic, there are a lot of heroes fighting almost the same amount of villains. There’s fire, and buildings collapsing. He needs to find her, he tries to stand up but he fails. Bakugou curses at his body for not responding, and tries again, falling again. He would’ve cried out of frustration if he weren’t to focus on trying to find Akira.

Katsuki drags along the ground, seeing some dead bodies. This attack was huge, unpredictable. Since The War he hasn’t seen something like this. In one moment he was patrolling with his pro hero girlfriend, and in the other they splitted fighting a lot of villains.

Bakugou realizes that has been staring at the bodies, and his stomach feels sick. The mere thought of Akira ending up like them, makes his whole body sick. He continues dragging, looking for her, he can’t stop, not until he finds her. He prays for his body to react, and it finally responds, now that he’s standing, he can look faster. His head still hurts, but he doesn’t care, not when he doesn’t know where the love of his life is.

‘She’s dead’

That voice. It has been a long time since Bakugou haven’t heard that voice. He started therapy a couple months ago, after Akira practically begged him for it, saying that it would help him through his anxiety disorders, and damn she was right, like she always is. What would he do without her? he thinks.

‘Akira’s dead, and that’s your fucking fault’

That voice again. He tries to fight it. He just can’t break down, not now. He wants to move, but he can’t.

‘With such a fucking useless number one pro hero, no wonder why she’s dead’

Bakugou repeats to himself that she is not dead, trying to calm himself. He can't breathe, he can’t shut that damn voice.

‘You can’t save everyone, and you certainly can’t save her, you useless piece of shit’

Bakugou wants to scream his lungs out. He wants, no, he needs to shut this fucking voice down, but he can’t.

‘Akira didn’t deserve to be stuck with someone like you. Someone so fucking coward that waited years until finally grow a pair of balls to confess his love’

He hates that everything it says is true. Bakugou did love her from highschool, but never had the guts to tell her. He even moved away just to not face her, to not face the sour reality that he never felt good enough for her. So he ignored her, just waiting for that feeling to go away, but it never did, indeed it only increased by seeing her a the news as a hero prodigy. Every night he tortured himself for being a coward when it came to love, when it came to her.

‘Akira could perfectly get whoever she wants kissing her feets, but she fell for a stupid asshole who doesn’t know how to love, who doesn’t know how to walk either apparently’

Bakugou is trying to breathe through his nose, but the intense sobs that are leaving his body don’t let him.

‘You are broken, and nobody should love broken things, right?’

His entire body is shaking and he can barely feel his face. Katsuki wants to stop that, but he can’t, he’s a prisoner of his own body, his own mind. He knows that he needs to keep looking, he has to find her, he needs to calm down, but why can't he?

‘You break Akira’s heart when you left her, just saying that your dream of becoming number one hero was more important, liar, you were so fucking scared to get hurt, that you hurted her instead’

“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you” Bakugo mumbles to himself, hitting hard on his chest with his fist, hurting himself.

‘You shouldn’t have come back, you just should’ve left her fall for someone else, someone better. Because she deserves to be happy, unlike you’

Bakugou wants to refute that, but he simply can’t, he knows that it’s right, he’s been knowing it for a long time. He feels like dying as he collapses on the ground, crying like a baby. Those words were getting into his head. Maybe they were right, maybe he was just a piece of shit that deserved nothing.

Katsuki can’t stop thinking about that night, three years ago. The night he called her after four years of no contact. Bakugou remembers the week prior like if it would've been yesterday, he was at his lowest point, utterly alone. All he could think about back then was how stupid he was in the past for letting Akira go. It was a surprise for no one that he was so in love with his best friend, that everyone was shocked when Bakugou left the city without confessing, and just pushing you away. Even ignoring her calls, until he finally answered, just saying that he needed to focus on his career, Akira as always, understood him, she swallowed her tears and supported him, because she loved him, and if that was what he wanted, she would understand. She let him go, hoping that he would come back.

And she was right, he did. Bakugou was alone, yeah, he had Kirishima and Denki, but they each had their own lives, they talked from time to time, but that didn't take away from the fact that he was alone. And he knew he could blame no one but himself for that. The morning before his call, was the morning he climbed the hero rankings, he was finally the number one hero, his life's dream was coming true, but he couldn't feel more miserable. He was the number one hero, but what good is it if he has no one to celebrate with?. If the only person that he wanted a praise from was in another city, and he pushed her away until they no longer talked for years. And just then he realized that pushing her away from his life to focus on becoming number one pro hero was stupid, because without her, that title meant nothing.

After hours of overthinking any possible way this would end up, he finally called at night. He didn’t know what to say, in fact he never thought that Akira would answer, all he wanted was to hear her recorded voice asking to leave a voicemail. Just hearing her voice would’ve made him less miserable. So when he heard a soft “Hey Bakugou” he couldn’t stop himself from crying, silent tears rolling down his cheeks “You did it, I knew you would. Congrats number one hero” On the other line Akira could only hear soft sobs.

She knew she was in love with him back in highschool, and she knew he loved her back. She knew him like the palm of her hand, so she knew he would need time. When Bakugou left with no warning, she was heart broken, she tried to reach him, and after she did, and heard his response, she knew she was right. Bakugou was scared, he has always been a stubborn boy, she knew he had to figure thighs out in his mind alone. So she decided to wait for him, she always knew she would wait as long as it would take, she never mind it though. She loved him and only him, and she knew it was the same for him, he just needed time.

So when she saw his call, Akira almost cried out of excitement. She saw the ranking in the morning, and she couldn’t feel more proud of him, but deep down, she wished she could’ve been able to celebrate with him. That’s why she answered her phone right away, and praised him. Her heart ached for him as she heard him crying alone. Her mouth, running on its own, started to say everything she wanted for years. “I’ve been waiting for this call for years” Bakugou tried to say something, but he couldn’t stop crying, he didn’t know how much he needed that, until that moment “I know Bakugou, I’ve always known” She said, knowing what he wanted to say “Just come back home. You have a place in my agency, I mean I’m not the number one hero, but you are always welcome here. I love you Bakugou, just come back, come back to me. We can talk here” When Bakugou could finally stop himself from crying all he could say was a soft “Thank you”.

He took the first flight back home, back to her. Their relationship continued just where it stopped four years before. After a few months they started dating, and everything was coming up together where it was always meant to be.

‘Akira gave you a space in her life, just as nothing happened, after four years. She forged right away, no hesitation. But you still don’t, deep down you know you never deserved how well she treated you when you came back’

Laying on the ground Bakugou cries, all the insecurities he had been trying to avoid are haunting him. A part of him doesn’t want to fight anymore, doesn’t want to be a burden, and just for a couple of seconds he thinks that maybe everything would be better if he wasn’t

alive. He thinks that Akira’s life would be better if he’s not there. But the other wants to keep fighting, fighting for his life, fighting for akira.

Both sides of his head are fighting against each other. Bakugou closes his eyes, and he can almost see each side running against each other as if they were wrecked trains with no brakes going at full speed, about to crash to see which one survives. His chest aches, and a known voice gets into his mind “I love you Bakugou, just come back, come back to me” A only thick tear rolls down his left eye.

It is at that moment that he realizes he is not ready to die, in fact he doesn’t even want to, not now. Please, somebody get him out of this train wreck, somebody help him! Today more than ever he is aware that he is not the best, that he is just a failure, but he still has a home here, he has Akira. After so many years and so many obstacles they are finally together.

Bakugou opens his eyes quickly, gripped by terror, feeling more and more trapped between the ropes, in his mind, that force him to fall. He gasps in despair, feeling as if he were on the edge of a precipice, completely bound by chains that try to pull him down. He runs, screams and struggles until his arms run out of strength, until his lungs run out of air. His legs become unstable and Bakugou stumbles and falls to his knees, terrified he tries with all his might to escape, but it is too late, he has reached the edge.

And then he knows.

It is the end.

But not just any end.

It's his end.

The chains win.

He has lost.

He failed again.

Bakugou feels how he falls in slow motion to the bottom of that precipice that has none. He closes his eyes waiting for that impact that never comes, instead a dazzling light is present bringing him back to reality. Katsuki opens his eyes and sees her.

Akira.

She is there in front of him. He opens and closes his eyes frantically, no doubt it's her. From her body emanates that bright light and that does nothing but confirm to him that she is a point of light capable of illuminating even the darkest darkness. Bakugou sees her lips move, but does not understand her. He hears the sound of her voice, but cannot recognize what she says. Bakugou can only think that Akira is his angel, that bright and pure being who saves him from his demons.

Angels are not supposed to fall, so why did he see her fall to her knees?

“Kat-suki!” She speaks while falling “Akira!” Bakugou runs to her, kneeling beside her “Akira babe, I’m here, I’m here with you” Akira drops herself into her beloved's lap. Right there is when Katsuki notices the blood gushing from his girlfriend's abdomen.

No.

No!

NO!

He desperately pulls her to his body, holding her body between his arms and sitting her on his lap. While one spleen holds her close to his chest, the other presses into her wound. Bakugo's body trembles in terror, unable to utter a word.

“Katsuki, my sweet Katsuki” Akira smiles at him, while little tears leave her eyes “My love” She closes her eyes a few seconds. “Akira! I’m here, okay? You’re safe, you are with me” Bakugo feels the lump in his throat tighten “We’ll get out of here together”.

“After you left, I thought I lost everything, you know?” Akira opens her eyes “I was so in love with you, I think I’ve always been” Akira lifts her hand and gently caresses her boyfriend's cheek. “I had the girls, but I felt so lonely, all I wanted was you” Bakugou starts crying again “After the first time you answered my calls I was so happy, even when you ditched me” Lets out a little chuckle “Just hearing your voice was enough to make me happy”

“I waited for you for years” She settles on his chest “I always knew you would come back to me” She gives small caresses to the arm that holds her “People said that I should move one, and get over you, because you wouldn't come back. I never heard them, I believed in you. And I wasn’t wrong, because you did call, after all” She smiles as she closes her eyes disguising a moan of pain “You don’t know how happy I was that you finally called, I felt like a little kid on the candy action of a store, when I knew that the man I had always loved was coming back”

“I never told you this, but before you called I was at my lowest, wondering if life was worth living, but after you came back, you taught me what it was to feel like living and not surviving, again” Little sobs left Bakugou’s body “You were my reason to live”

“N-no” Bakugo bites the inside of his cheek, trying to control his sobs. “You are not doing this. No!” Akira caresses Katsuki's trembling lower lip “Don’t you dare say goodbye, because I won’t let you, I refuse to” He pulls her closer to his body, putting pressure on her wound.

“Sweetheart, my baby, my love. You gave me everything any person could ask for” She ignores him, and continues between teers “I swear that you made my world so perfect. You pushed away my demons, and I don’t even know how, but you chased hell away and gave me a paradise by your side”

“Since you came back, three years ago, you made me pray” She laughs out of her own words “I’m not a believer, but you had me praying every night to any god that could exist, that everything we had didn’t finished” She smiles hiding her pain “On my knees I asked the air that if this was a dream, I never wanted to wake up. Because the love of my life was back”

“Since you came back I dreamed that all these sleepless years, waiting for something I thought impossible, would be enough for you to stay with me. I knew this love was worth it, because I am destined for you” Akira cradles Bakugo's cheeks lovingly “I knew it from the first moment I heard your voice that first day of school" She settles into her boyfriend's arm "I felt a spark, a connection. I couldn't explain it, I just felt it, I just knew. That impulsive boy would steal my heart and my every sigh" Akira looks at him with pure love

"For a moment I saw it hard, very impossible, but I never stopped having faith. I never lost hope that you would come back to me and today I am more grateful than ever" She closes her eyes sighing for a brief moment “Akira, please. Stop, don’t do this to m-” A hard sob don’t let him continue.

“If- if I don’t make it through the night” Her voice breaks “NO! Don’t you dare to say what you are about to say” Bakugou desperately holds her tighter as she starts sobbing “N-no, you can’t just go, no when I could finally say that I love you” The image of both of them sobbing creates a scene full of pure pain “You have to fight, for you, for me, f-for us”

“Kats” She mumbles “No, you can’t” He interrupts her “You can’t leave me alone. You promised you wound’t abandon me, you said we would be so happy together. You said it!” The sobs get intensified “I-I just can’t imagine a world without you. One where your jokes or your laughter are not ringing out. How do you expect me to see myself in a world where I won't be able to hug you? You are the light that lights my path and my reason for getting up in the mornings. P-please... don't do this to me“ Bakugou hides his face on Akira’s neck silencing his sobs there.

“Suki, don’t make it harder than it already is” She shakes as she cries “Your joy, only your joy can order the chaos of my mind" He doesn't separate from his body as he speaks "Only you are able to give light and order to my life, to give it purpose. I-I would be so lost if you left me alone."

“Katsuki” Her voice is desperate "I-I don't know what's going to happen, but I do know that I'm tired o-of all this shit" She looks around "And I also know that you gave me the best life so if I don't make it through the night, know that you saved me in every way someone can be saved. You painted my gray days with colors and gave life to my already dead heart" She pulls him away from her body and caresses his cheek with the back of her hand.

"If today is my last day and it's my time to go, don't forget me okay?" She presses her grip on his cheek gently "Keep me in your memory" She continues caressing with her thumb on the same spot "Remember me fondly, remember our dates and our kisses, remember the little jokes and every 'I love you'" She takes a breath of air before continuing "Let me be your favorite angel from above just like you were for me down here" She kisses Bakugou's chest without much force as he denies desperately in tears.

"And r-remember that life always gets better" She nods, pressing her lips tightly together and releasing more tears "As much as it may seem like it doesn't, it always does. I've known since the day you came back to make every part of my day better, to heal every wound in my heart, to assemble every loose piece of my lost soul, you came back to brighten my gloom and rebuild each of the broken pieces that make me up. You took me in your arms, preventing me from falling into the void. You saved me, my number one hero" She takes between her hands, her boyfriend's hands and kisses them tenderly "So you can cry, but you have to promise me one thing, babe" Her tone of voice and her look harden "You have to promise me my love, that you will remain strong".

"H-how do you expect me to do that if the one who gives me strength every day is... y-you" His voice cracks. "You are the bravest and strongest person I know Katsuki, I know you can do it" Her face is looking paler and paler and a large red stain decorates her hero suit. "But I don't want to" Bakugou intensifies his grip, sobbing louder and louder, sounding almost like screams. "Kat-suki please don't leave me alone now" Her voice sounds terrified "I don't want to die, I-I don't want to die alone, I'm scared" She speaks between sobs "I-I don't understand what I did wrong. I'm a bomb that's about to explode, I never meant to hurt you. But here I am, leaving you without keeping our promise" She bites her lower lip "Please forgive me, I never wanted this. I-I wanted to grow old together with you, being happy. I hope someday you can forgive me for not being able to do that."

The sobs that burn Bakugou's throat do not allow him to speak, however, he does as she asks, he does not leave her alone. He takes her hand and intertwines his fingers with hers making them fit perfectly. He lets out a cry of pain at the sight of the promise ring he placed on her ring finger a couple of months ago. "O-our love is strong honey. There is no love without pain, so they say" He tries to smile, but only manages to grimace sadly "We have suffered enough in this life, in the next one we will keep all our promises and there we will be very happy."

"W-will you promise me?" her voice trembles. "I promise you, my love" Bakugou places a soft kiss on her lips, a few tears sneak in, though they don't mind it too much. They just let themselves be carried away by the moment, enjoying their, probably last, kiss. "This is a promise with no chance of breaking" He assures firmly "Because my love for you will never change, a life without knowing you will never be real" He takes her hand and kisses right where that silver ring is "You will always stay here" He puts her hand over his heart "D-don't you dare forget me" She starts breathing heavily "T-that could never happen. A heart that loves doesn't forget and mine loves you more than anything" Akira loses more and more strength "Look at me, look into my eyes Katsuki Bakugou" As best she can she manages to raise her hand to his face holding both cheeks "You've given me a perfect life, the best I could have had. I promise this is not goodbye, e-everything is going to be alright. I love you."

Her voice fades and her arm falls to the side. Lying in his arms Akira releases her last breath, leaving forever, and taking with her a part of Bakugou's heart. What do I say a part, taking his whole heart with her. "I-I love you" He whispers against her neck. He screams and cries as loud as he can. His throat burns and his body trembles. He hugs her with all his might, laying his head on her chest as he does every morning, only this time he doesn't hear a heartbeat, he hears nothing but his desperate cries.

"NOOOO! NOOOO!" He throws his head back screaming into the wind "Please don't leave me!". Between spasms and sobs he screams without letting go of the lifeless body of the love of his life "COME BACK! Akira come back!" he shakes her body as if that could bring her back "WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH?". He screams at that god he's been told so much about "WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU!". His sobs begin to choke him "Give me back .... give me back my love, I beg you" Rivers of tears run down his eyes. For the first time he stops to look at his girlfriend's face and gently closes his eyes that were still open. Bakugou can almost hear his heart break into a thousand different pieces. With a trembling hand he caresses her cheek. He moves closer to her and deposits one last kiss, his heart breaking. He hugs her body seeking comfort, hoping to hear her voice telling him that everything will be alright, but that never happens, Akira is dead and will never come back. He will no longer hear her voice, nor kiss her lips, she will no longer fill him with kisses in the mornings when he wakes up, she is gone.

"My love wait" He hugs his body rocking it back and forth "I-I still love you" He bites his lower lip hard "Y-you have to come back, I still need you, I need your 'goodnight' kisses. I need your hugs every morning before I leave for work, I need you to say those jokes that I don't understand and I-I need...you" Bakugou breaks into tears again, letting out heartbreaking sobs that he could swear are heard all over Japan "Let me hold your hand, baby" He takes her now cold hand "I'll fix it, I swear I will. I promise I'll love you all my life, but please come back. I promise I won't get mad about silly things anymore and I'll always make your breakfast, I-I'll kiss you as many times as you want and we'll watch those stupid Christmas movies you love so much, I'll even wear those Christmas sweaters with lights if I have to. But, please come back my sweetie, I still need you here with me, I'm not ready to let you go, not when you taught me what it's like to want to live."

"I love you, I love you, I love you" Bakugou gently pushes aside a few strands of hair that fall over her face, as he kisses her forehead gently "Only a kiss of true love can make you wake up right? That's what that movie you like so much used to say -Why don't you wake up? I love you. I still love you with all my heart, so you have to come back" He shakes her expecting something that won't happen "I can't let you go, I don't want to, I'm not that strong" He whispers against her lips, between sobs. "T-tell me one last time that you love me, just one last time please" His eyes hurt from crying so much, his throat from screaming so much, but what hurts the most is his heart that withered, died leaving along with the love of his life, his soul mate.

Just as those voices said, he couldn't save Akira, she died in his arms and he couldn't do anything but cry. They were right, all he can think is that he is a useless failure who doesn't deserve to be loved or to be happy, but why did she have to pay for that? A shiver runs through his whole body, this has to be a nightmare. Akira can't be really dead. He tries to run, to escape from this bad dream, to free himself from those chains, but this time there is no light to save him.

His angel fell.

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