#I know they took this issue and applied it to Tifa

[theresistanceneverquits]

Me talking to a classmate I discovered loves Final Fantasy: I’m really disappointed Cloud didn’t beat the crap out of Aerith

Classmate: …Do you not like Aerith?

Me: I do! I just wanted them to keep the integrity of the original game

[niflim]

headcanon: mental health, psyche, etc.

beneath the cut is both an explanation of dysthymia ( persistent depressive disorder ) in addition to major depressive episode, post - traumatic stress disorder and acquired brain injury via mako poisoning in the context of cloud’s life.

i hope to present this information in a completely analytical way, free of any perceived bias. so it is also my hope that you inform me if i have in any way misstepped. it’s not my intent to offend, merely to provide my view on what cloud experiences, which i understand can sometimes be a dangerous thing in today’s world. this is a long post, but i do hope that you at least give it a skim ! i apologize for the blockquotes, if i could’ve linked individual sections, i definitely would’ve.

dysthymia & major depressive disorder. cloud develops dysthymia during his childhood. i wouldn’t call it simply major depressive disorder because his behavior doesn’t occur for mere weeks at a time. it’s on a larger scale and persists for at least two years ( one year in children and adolescents ). most people would assume that any depressive disorder would cause someone to become, well, depressed. but the interesting thing about adolescents is that they are actually more prone to irritability than so - called ' depression ’. 

criterion as per the dsm - v ( taken verbatim ) is presented below:

‘ a. depressed mood for most of the day, for more days than not, as indicated by either subjective account or observation by others, for at least 2 years.

note: in children and adolescents, mood can be irritable and duration must be at least 1 year.

b. presence, while depressed, of two (or more) of the following:

poor appetite or overeating.

insomnia or hypersomnia.

low energy or fatigue.

low self-esteem.

poor concentration or difficulty making decisions.

feelings of hopelessness.

c. during the 2-year period (1 year for children or adolescents) of the disturbance, the individual has never been without the symptoms in criteria a and b for more than 2 months at a time.

d. criteria for a major depressive disorder may be continuously present for 2 years.

e. there has never been a manic episode or a hypomanic episode, and criteria have never been met for cyclothymic disorder.

f. the disturbance is not better explained by a persistent schizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia, delusional disorder, or other specified or unspecified schizophrenia spectrum and other psychotic disorder.

g. the symptoms are not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or another medical condition (e.g. hypothyroidism).

h. the symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. ’

symptoms that apply: insomnia, low self - esteem, poor concentration / difficulty making decisions, feelings of hopelessness.

i’m going to be tackling this going down the list.

a. in cloud’s childhood, cloud comes off as fairly irritable, especially towards tifa’s friends. his lack of self - esteem showed itself in a heightened opinion of himself, as arrogance tends to. he decided he was better than the other kids, therefore he shouldn’t be bothered that he can’t hang out with them. this is relatively weak, admittedly, to what i will be discussing next. it’s only one symptom as opposed to the two required. 

b & c. the event that took place when he was nine and tifa was eight, after the death of her mother and the trip to mt. nibel, really hammers the point home. because of his perceived incitement of the expedition rather than his attempt to help tifa, he was met with the ire of the adults and dissuaded from talking to tifa. this introduces way more irritability in the form of cloud’s anger problem and inappropriate feelings of guilt that are associated with an episode of major depressive disorder.

according to an article published by the h.arvard medical school: 

‘ symptoms can grow into a full-blown episode of major depression. people with persistent depressive disorder have a greater-than-average chance of developing major depression. while major depression often occurs in episodes, persistent depressive disorder is defined as more constant, lasting for years ’.

at least, cloud experiences a major depressive episode ; at most, he develops the full - blown disorder. given that he’s been experiencing persistent depressive disorder with at least two points in his life where he has had a major depressive episode ( mt. nibel, failing to make it into soldier, during advent children ), i’d wager that the latter situation is the reality. 

d. since major depression disorder is chronic and tends to come in episodes during particularly taxing times, it can still be present when one is diagnosed with dysthymia. major depressive disorder comes with four additional symptoms: excessive guilt / feelings of worthlessness, s.uicide ideation, loss of interest, psychomotor agitation / r.etardation. cloud does indeed experience excessive guilt, as discussed above, and i would wager that he does go through a period where he has feelings of worthlessness and he definitely loses interest in making friends.

e, f, g. i wouldn’t classify cloud’s ‘ substance - related illness ’ / mako poisoning as grounds for a manic episode. nor does it cause substance - related depression ; this is merely the situation framing his contact with mako.

h. this condition causes a lot of issues in cloud’s social life as shown by his relationship to the other kids ( though it was in part due to their exclusivity ) and his easy - to - anger personality.

i believe that it is also worth noting that the aforementioned article also reveals that ‘ some people with persistent depressive disorder have experienced a major loss in childhood, such as the death of a parent ’. cloud went through the loss of a father at an early age, i headcanon around age 5 / 6, and growing up without a fatherly figure can be rough for a child. i know without a doubt that claudia could only do so much to make sure her son grew up fine. that is not to bring her down or any single mothers down, there is no doubt she loved her son dearly, but it still isn’t something that can be ignored. i’m sure cloud owes his open mind, kindness, and protective nature to her, and that is also something that made him vulnerable to the other kids’ teasing, leading cloud to become depressed and try to be tough and hide his emotions.

post - traumatic stress disorder. it goes without saying that cloud has experienced multiple traumatic experiences in his life. there’s the events at mt. nibel & tifa’s coma, the nibelheim incident, and zack’s death. so instead of proving the trauma that is undoubtedly there, i will instead be speaking of the symptoms that he experiences due to the disorder.

criterion as per the dsm - v ( taken verbatim ) is presented below:

a. exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence in one (or more) of the following ways:

directly experiencing the traumatic event(s).

witnessing, in person, the event(s) as it occurred to others.

learning that the traumatic event(s) occurred to a close family member or close friend. in cases of actual or threatened death of a family member or friend, the event(s) must have been violent or accidental.

experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the traumatic event(s) (e.g., first responders collecting human remains: police officers repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse).

note: criterion a4 does not apply to exposure through electronic media, television, movies, or pictures, unless this exposure is work related.

b. presence of one (or more) of the following intrusion symptoms associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning after the traumatic event(s) occurred:

recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive distressing memories of the traumatic event(s). note: in children older than 6 years, repetitive play may occur in which themes or aspects of the traumatic event(s) are expressed.

recurrent distressing dreams in which the content and/or affect of the dream are related to the traumatic event(s). note: in children, there may be frightening dreams without recognizable content.

dissociative reactions (e.g., flashbacks) in which the individual feels or acts as if the traumatic event(s) were recurring. (such reactions may occur on a continuum, with the most extreme expression being a complete loss of awareness of present surroundings.) note: in children, trauma-specific reenactment may occur in play.

intense or prolonged psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event(s).

marked physiological reactions to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event(s).

c. persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by one or both of the following:

avoidance of or efforts to avoid distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s).

avoidance of or efforts to avoid external reminders (people, places, conversations, activities, objects, situations) that arouse distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s).

d. negative alterations in cognitions and mood associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning or worsening after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by two (or more) of the following:

inability to remember an important aspect of the traumatic event(s) (typically due to dissociative amnesia and not to other factors such as head injury, alcohol, or drugs).

persistent and exaggerated negative beliefs or expectations about oneself, others, or the world (e.g., “i am bad,” “no one can be trusted,” ‘the world is completely dangerous,” “my whole nervous system is permanently ruined”).

persistent, distorted cognitions about the cause or consequences of the traumatic event(s) that lead the individual to blame himself/herself or others.

persistent negative emotional state (e.g., fear, horror, anger, guilt, or shame).

markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities.

feelings of detachment or estrangement from others.

persistent inability to experience positive emotions (e.g., inability to experience happiness, satisfaction, or loving feelings).

e. marked alterations in arousal and reactivity associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning or worsening after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by two (or more) of the following:

irritable behavior and angry outbursts (with little or no provocation) typically expressed as verbal or physical aggression toward people or objects.

reckless or self-destructive behavior.

hypervigilance.

exaggerated startle response.

problems with concentration.

sleep disturbance (e.g., difficulty falling or staying asleep or restless sleep).

f. duration of the disturbance (criteria b, c, d, and e) is more than 1 month.

g. the disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

h. the disturbance is not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance (e.g., medication, alcohol) or another medical condition.

a. we’ve already established that cloud fits this criterion because he has the disorder.

b. cloud experiences intrusive or recurrent memories of the traumatic event (1) in addition to dreams that put him as a player in the burning of nibelheim. he usually takes zack’s role until his memory is restored (2). given that cloud has multiple instances in which sephiroth visits him in a vision while he is awake, there also some instances when they’re just that ... visions / flashbacks of his trauma outside of the influence that sephiroth holds on him (3). cloud experiences distress and pain whenever he’s visited by a vision of sephiroth or the mention of zack’s name (4, 5).

 c. though his behavior is certainly the closed off sort, he doesn’t avoid tifa. in fact, he is drawn to her as a survivor of the event and a supposed dear friend. he does, however, present himself as emotionally closed off, for the most part, save for some softer moments where he acts protective of his newfound friends (1, 2).

d. cloud definitely misremembers the events surrounding the nibelheim incident and zack’s death, instead becoming confused by the memories zack told him about and believing himself to be zack (1). cloud is instilled with the belief that despite now being a merc, he has to be the perfect soldier which would require him to be strong, resourceful, and careful with his emotions. he takes a no -  nonsense approach to life. this tends to fail (2). cloud feels somewhat responsible for tifa’s father’s death even in his false memories and, also, later feels responsible for zack’s death once he knows the truth. he feels that it is in some way his fault (3). cloud maintains a somewhat pissy attitude for the first half of the game, but, ultimately, this doesn’t entirely apply to him (4). cloud feels a diminished interest in being friends with tifa’s friends, especially after the incident that caused his initial trauma and feels even more separated and detached from them. this is also how he handles his initial interactions with the members of avalanche, though they eventually get through to him (5, 6). he’s emotionally closed off, as mentioned above, and is more prone to anger. but people who show him understanding and the praise / acceptance / acknowledgement he secretly wishes for, he cracks a smile.

e. he is easy to anger and gets into fights with the other kids after mt. nibel (1). cloud, somewhat recklessly, goes off to become a soldier. though not conditionally reckless, i do think it’s odd that simply trying to impress someone could push him to do something like that. maybe some part of him wanted to be more than he was, not just to earn tifa’s attention (2). cloud is very alert and aware of his surroundings. it’s in part battle instinct, in part training, in part trauma - induced (3). this one is hit or miss, it really depends (4). no problems with concentration, unless in the throes of a vision (5). we experience how restless cloud is in how easily he wakes up. when tifa knocks, when there’s the clone next door, when he’s at aerith’s house. he’s a light sleeper (6).

f. yes, it’s been more than a month.

g. this does cause social issues.

h. given that this condition was present before cloud’s mako poisoning, it is not the result of a substance. however, mako poisoning did make things worse.

acquired brain injury - mako poisoning. one of the causes of an abi happens to be poisoning compared to trauma caused by an impact or injury in the event of a traumatic brain injury. injuries of this sort can create permanent or temporary damage to one’s psyche --- cognitive, physical, emotional, or behavioral. this happens to cloud twice. given that he doesn’t necessarily recover from his mako poisoning entirely before falling in the lifestream again, his already active condition actually worsens. without zack’s stories to supplement his memories the second time, he completely loses himself and remains vegetative until tifa aids him in piecing together their shared past. it’s not all her, as cloud does have a hand in it, showing that he hasn’t completely lost himself, his mind is merely scrambled in a sort of dissociative amnesia that requires outside help to set right. this contributes to his depression and anger issues ( though, admittedly, they’ve diminished for the most part in his soldier state ). this also contributes to his memory loss. if anyone is curious, i can attempt to write more on this later !

sources: dsm - v, abi wiki ( the sources here checked out ), h.arvard health publishing.

[creamypudding]

Chapter warnings apply for this: Mental health issues: PTSD, depression, death wish, survivors guilt. Limb loss, medical conditions, mild mentions of dismemberment, body dysphoria/shame. A whole lot of Hurt/Comfort. KINTSUKUROI - Title: Consolation Prize Chapter: 8/20 Fandom: FFVII - Modern AU. Pairing: Zack/Cloud Chapter Rating: Mature Word Count: 4,930

Summary: Kintsukuroi - an art and philosophy that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art.

A story about love, healing, and forgiveness of the self and others. *** A friendly wager leaves Cloud far more impacted than he’d like to admit. ————————————————-

Chapter 8: Consolation Prize

Cloud was sick. He was so sick. It happened sometimes—a lot, really. But it hadn't happened in the last few months—not as bad as this. It's like a truck of exhaustion had slammed into him as soon as he’d set foot inside his home yesterday. He could barely get up—a laborious trip to the kitchen for a cup of water, a bite of something raw or processed to eat, a miserable attempt to wake up under a cold shower, was the best he could muster every now and then. He mainly stayed unconscious for large swathes of the day and night and the longer he slept—and the longer he went without anything substantial in his stomach—the weaker he got.

By the time he realized how bad this current bout of adrenal fatigue was he couldn't answer his phone, or make a call, even if he wanted to. He couldn’t stretch out to his bedside stand to grab it. His limbs weighed a ton, his head a dead weight, his eyes barely able to stay open for a second. When his phone finally ran out of charge Cloud felt relieved. The ringing and pings finally stopped. He could sleep.

There was no concept of time. Cloud didn’t know how many days passed until Tifa roused him from sleep; it had been four. She had a spare key to Cloud's apartment; they had an agreement for her to come check on him, especially since he hadn’t been in touch like he’d promised.

She took care of him: restocked the fridge with easy to prep meals, cooked up a big batch of soup, which she portioned and froze, and plugged his phone in to charge again.

He sat, slouched, head bowed over the bowl of hot soup steaming up his face. He could barely hold a spoon. Tifa provided a straw. Some of Cloud’s energy returned and he definitely fought with himself to not be such a big baby. "Thanks but no thanks. Spoon is fine," he rumbled weakly.

She sat opposite of him, at the small white dining table made from cheap wood and gave him a worried smile. "I'm so sorry I didn't come to check on you earlier. I knew you said you weren’t feeling well the last time we saw each other. I should have checked on you the first day when I didn’t hear from you.”

Cloud shook his head and slowly slurped the broth, feeling better for a proper meal in his belly. “It’s okay. Thanks for coming around at all.”

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[silver-wield]

By the way, if I remember right someone talked about it in your blog but even if MWTTP (wrote by Benny) is Canon it doesn’t change that that it’s only A’s POV, nowhere is written C feels the same, so, the only thing that is affected is Zerith. But from OG and Remake too, when A brings up Z it looks like she is still hurt by this story. She definitely doesn’t look like she completely override him. Who knows. But anyway even if she loves C the issue is, does C love her the same way too?

Yeah, perspective isn't a thing to these people because they read from an omniscient view. They're seeing everything, so assume the characters do too, despite it clearly being from a limited pov.

They also apply meta knowledge to everything like Cloud somehow knowing how old Aerith is even though she never told him, and that Claudia mystically knew Aerith was the one, despite her literally being Zack's girlfriend at the time that conversation took place. Not to mention Claudia knows about Aerith in the future, but doesn't know Cloud right at that moment in time has a huge crush on Tifa?

It's all double standards and convenient omission from them. That's why they're not worth paying attention to.

[party-of-rpg-muses]

I finally finished the Final Fantasy VII Remake. I bought the game Day 1 (digital download), but it took me months to finish it. There was also a time I took about a month or two off. The reason why (and this is a bit of a hot take), I didn’t really like this game. The first Final Fantasy game I didn’t like. But before anyone thinks that I’m just someone blinded by nostalgia, I’d like to point out that I did not grow up with FFVII. Heck, my first Final Fantasy game was Final Fantasy XV and I only played VII a few years ago. And even then, while I liked the game, I found it to be very dated. And somewhat buggy.

I just want to say that no matter what I say, there were things I really liked. For starters, the graphics were amazing. It was beyond beautiful and I would sometimes just stand around and gawk at the scenery. I also enjoyed the greater expansion on Cloud and Tifa’s relationship, with Tifa looking out for and vouching for Cloud and even trying to reconnect with him after so long. She also comes across as more motherly and caring. The abilities were also pretty fun, having more options in a battle. I also feel like a character’s stats means more, like Aerith being more of a mage and Barret being more of a tank because of their character stats (completely separate from gear) and abilities. And finally, I really like the idea of characters fighting against their fate. It’s like Final Fantasy XIII, but it goes a bit deeper and they do more with it. These characters are fighting against literal destiny, rather than God-like beings who give them an ultimatum.

However, everything else about the game, I didn’t like. I thought the characters were either unlikeable/unpleasant or just plain uninteresting. The latter especially applies to the new side-characters. The only ones I didn’t dislike were Tifa and Jessie (I’m not including Marlene as a character I like or dislike). I’m also not a big fan of the more “extreme” swears in the game, characters saying “shit” and “asshole”. It doesn’t feel like Final Fantasy and reminds me of the Beyond Good and Evil 2 teaser, which had the same issue. I especially didn’t like hearing Aerith say “shit” and “screw him”, though I’m not counting it as a slight against the game, since it’s kinda minor and I recognize this is a different Aerith from the one we’re used to. Still don’t like it, though. Also, Johnny was just plain annoying. Not even charmingly annoying.

I also felt the combat was incredibly awkward and stiff at times. The dodge roll is borderline useless about 98% of the time. I’m also not a big fan of how you’re often locked in an attack chain (or rather, doing an attack) and can’t cancel until the animation finishes, leaving you open. I know there’s a Guard button and I put full blame on myself for not making the most of it until the final 3 chapters. It’s also difficult to string some combos together, like switching Cloud’s Stances while attacking or Tifa’s Whirling Uppercut. It’s like the combat in FFXV, but doesn’t have the same flow.

The game also pads itself heavily. I don’t mind them adding more content so it’ll feel like you got your money’s worth, but with this game? I dunno...Best way I can put it is that the game puts more focus on the towns, sidequests, and quite a few of the mandatory quests.

And also, given the more serious and realistic setting and overall tone of the game, the more comedic/cartoony moments felt really off. Most notably with Don Corneo, who’s just as bombastic and over-exaggerating as in the original. But again, given how the characters are more realistic, his movements are kinda odd. Even more so considering how Wall Market and his “interests” are treated much more seriously. I’ll admit, it was kinda cool seeing him almost effortlessly disarm Leslie and give him a straight punch to the chest, knocking the wind out of him. I also felt like Andrea Rhodea was kinda weird.

However, regardless of my feelings towards this game, I don’t think people are wrong for liking it or even considering it amazing. I’ll also be getting the other games when they come out.

[spyder-m]

Cloti Fall Festival, Day Three: Liquid Confidence

Summary: College AU. Zack wants Cloud to loosen up and forget studying for just one night. He coerces him into a night of drinking, hoping it'll give him the courage to talk to his long-time crush, Tifa. Things go about as well as you might expect. 

A/N:  I struggled to finish this, even with the extra time I took. It isn't beta'd, so I'm sorry if there are any glaring errors. Still, I hope you enjoy it! I have a couple more stories in the works for the Cloti Fall Festival. Hopefully, I'll be able to get those done without as many issues.

Ao3 / FF.net

.

The Avalanche bar at Midgar University wasn’t typically the place students went when they were planning to study.

Most tended to favour the library, or one of the many cafes on Campus; somewhere quiet, where they wouldn’t have trouble concentrating.

Cloud, however, liked the atmosphere of the bar on weeknights. It was a small, hole-in-the-wall place often overlooked for the fancier clubs in the city. The few patrons there were looking for nothing more than to unwind after a full day of classes.

Their murmured conversation, the steady, trickle of liquid into pint glasses, the low static of the television all built a comforting white noise, easy enough for him to drown out, but not all-consuming and uncomfortable like the deathly silence of the library.

Cloud wasn't fond of the silence. It made him feel alone, reminded him of the harsh isolation he had endured in his childhood.

The fact that the bar wasn't used by many others for studying, was also a plus. As it was free from the palpable stress radiating off of over students, frantically cramming over their notes as they prepped for exams, trying to savour the last-minute knowledge.

Cloud found a relaxed atmosphere much more conducive to learning.

At least, that was the reason Cloud would give anyone who asked.

In truth, there was something else that swayed heavily in the bar's favour.

Nursing a beer, Cloud scrolled through the Gallery on his laptop. Having recently travelled to Midgar’s coastline over the weekend, he was hoping to build up his portfolio some more with some of the photographs he'd taken of the sea, the Western Continent lingering over the horizon.

His gaze flickered from the screen momentarily at the sound of a light, familiar voice, waking pleasant tingles up his spine.

His childhood crush, Tifa Lockhart.

She was laughing behind the bar with her co-workers and friends, Jessie, Biggs and Wedge, the lull in customers affording her a moment's break. The bright smile crossing her features shone, carrying over the room's dim lighting like a beacon.

Cloud couldn't help but want to be a part of that conversation, to be the one drawing laughter from her, to have that intimate place in her life. Yet, much like the child who had admired from afar; he was frozen, rooted in place by hesitation.

It was strange how little things between them had changed, even after the years that had passed.

Cloud had joined Soldier at a young age, leaving school in order to pursue a dream, a better life as part of their elite First Class. Overlooking the town blanketed by starlight, his parting words to Tifa; at her insistence; had been a vow to rescue her should she ever find herself in a bind.

Much to his dismay, Cloud had fallen far from the mark of 1st Class, instead having to settle for grinding among their lower ranks, hoping that something would come of his hard work, not wanting to return home a failure. Yet, he found himself discharged shortly after the Wutai War had ended, worried about the direction his life would take now.

His entire plan had been hinged upon him making First Class, his young, optimistic mind had never devised a plan B, never considering the possibility that he might fail.

Cloud couldn’t return to Nibelheim, he knew that much. As much as he cherished his mother and Tifa, he had always been isolated in that village. It had never been a home.

Besides, he didn’t want to be a burden to his mother, who had struggled to raise him alone. He wanted to provide for her now. To work and eventually earn enough money to find a home for her outside of Nibelheim, somewhere she would be appreciated.

Yet, being thrust abruptly back into society, after having only after known life as a Soldier infantryman, made that difficult.

Cloud suddenly couldn’t help but feel underqualified compared to others his age. Those that had left for Midgar in pursuit of jobs or apprenticeships.

The prospect of finding stable work seemed dim to Cloud. The skills he had gained working for Shinra didn’t exactly translate to many other industries. What business would want to hire someone inexperienced like him, when they could likely pay less to someone younger and equally as qualified?

Cloud supposed he could always collect bounties fighting monsters, but it lacked the security of a regular job. Much of his earnings would likely end up going towards potions and weapon maintenance, anyway.

Fortunately, it was around this time, that Cloud discovered that, in recognition of their services, ex-Solider members could apply for a scholarship through Midgar U.

Cloud had leapt at the opportunity, an idea already in mind for what his major could be.

Throughout his time working under Shinra, Cloud had developed an interest in photography. As a young man travelling the world for the first time, Cloud had excitedly taken pictures of the different places he saw.

Knowing that they might not be stationed for long and weren't there as tourists; he wanted to at least commemorate the moment, taking photographs to send home to his mother.

Over time, Cloud came to develop a fondness for the hobby. He found tinkering with the camera kept him sane through the hours spent travelling or patrolling. After years of blind trial and error, the idea of taking classes and receiving the proper guidance from experts in the field excited him.

He had never considered the hobby something a career could branch from.

When he signed up for Midgar U, the last he expected was to find Tifa working at the University's bar, Avalanche.

Yet when he had stopped by one day, in the hope of getting directions around the Campus, he had been met by familiar, amber eyes of the bartender.

Tifa, the one who had been a significant motivation behind his joining Soldier.

The revelation had struck him in a mess of emotion. His heart warmed to see her again, yet dread churned in his stomach as he remembered his promise to her, and how, because of his shortcomings, it would remain unfulfilled.

He couldn't tell if their chance reunion had been the best, or worst, thing to happen.

The thought of avoiding the bar, and her, altogether flashed briefly through his mind, lingering long enough to elicit a stabbing sensation through his chest.

He knew he didn't have the strength to actively push away someone he cared about. His heart was drawn back to the building, a pleasant flutter coming over him each time he entered and she called his name.

There was no way he would be able to stomach lying to her. His resolve would shatter beneath those warm, ruby eyes.

Instead, he endeavoured to steer clear of the subject, keeping their conversations as brief as possible.

She would wave to him with a warm smile as he took out his laptop and camera. He sat in the corner booth, just out of her line of sight as she would busy herself with preparing drinks. That way, he could look up from his work every so often, and quickly steal a glance without her noticing.

For Cloud, it was a perfect arrangement.

He could be in her company, without having to stomach any of the awkward conversations he knew would inevitably come up. Where had he been all those years? Why hadn’t he ever come back to Nibelheim? Had he made Soldier?

She couldn’t know that he had failed to make 1st Class. That, in spite of his training and the lengths he went to, his only success had been as a lowly infantryman. She couldn’t know that everything her father had said about him had been right.

Even when he had been stationed in Nibelheim alongside Zack and Sephiroth, Cloud had kept his helmet on and spent most of his time hidden inside the Inn. It wouldn't have helped his ego to stand alongside two, for all their famed accomplishments.

In the rare instances that he and Tifa shared any kind of lasting conversation, Cloud was always careful to keep the discussion around her; reasoning that as a bartender, she spent enough time listening to others.

To his surprise, Tifa had seemed touched by the gesture.

He learned that outside of bartending, she was making extra cash babysitting her boss’ daughter and teaching self-defence classes at the nearby gym. Cloud had recalled her mentioning in passing wanting to study under Zangan, a martial arts master who had lived in their village.

From the way he’d seen her arms flex carrying trays laden with drinks, it shouldn’t have surprised him.

She was studying a combined degree of business and health science and expressed ambitions of one day opening a place of her own. Perhaps a bar, or maybe a dojo where she could pass Zangan’s teachings onto a new generation. She hadn’t decided yet.

The details Cloud revealed about himself were curt. He was a photography major. He picked up freelance mechanical and courier work to cover his expenses and was hoping to one day save enough money to buy himself a motorcycle.

No mention of Soldier.

No reference to the promise they had once made.

To his surprise, Tifa seemed to respect the distance he placed between them, only delving as deep as he would comfortably allow.

Things were probably for the best that way.

From what he could gather, Tifa didn't need a hero anymore. She was more than capable of handling herself.

Cloud stretched his arms over his head, sighing amidst the satisfying crack of his joints. Leaning back over his keyboard, Cloud suddenly felt his body slump forward under an unexpected pressure against his neck and shoulders. Reflexively, his hands rose to brace against the table, almost knocking over his drink.

“Figured I’d find you here.”

"Argh!" Cloud grunted. "Damnit, Zack! Get off me."

Having a good six inches of height over Cloud, he often served a makeshift armrest for his friend; much to his frustration. His considerably bulk didn't make fighting him off any easier. Eventually, Cloud managed to find purchase against the man's solid chest, pushing him aside. He levelled Zack with a cold glare as they separated.

"Aw, I'm happy to see you too, Cloud."

Cloud had been assigned to Zack’s battalion in Soldier, and Zack had taken him under his wing, seeing much of himself in the young, fresh-faced recruit.

On the surface, the comparison might have seemed puzzling. Zack was proud and confident, easy-going, and got along with most people he met, while Cloud kept to himself, tending to focus his efforts more on training and studying.

Still, having grown up as only children in backwater towns, they had long sought the companionship they found in one another; becoming something more akin to brothers than a mentor and protege.

"What are you doing here?"

“What?" Zack feigned innocence. "I was just in the neighbourhood, so I figured I’d see what my best bud was up to.”

“Aerith’s busy, huh?”

“Study night.” Zack groaned, collapsing in the booth besides Cloud. “Her mid-terms are coming up soon and she said I was too much of a distraction.”

“Really?” Cloud scoffed, hands gesturing over the pages of notes strewn about his table. “I can’t possibly imagine.”

“I know, right?”

Expression blank, Cloud held Zack's gaze in silence.

“You’re too serious, Cloud,” Zack whined. “Come on man, when’s the last time you hung out with someone?”

“I hang out with Vincent all the time.”

“Vincent doesn’t count! You guys barely say two words to each other.”

“Hmm, you’re right. No wonder I prefer his company.”

“Ouch, Cloud. That’s cold.” Zack held a hand over in chest in mock hurt. Yet, his lips quickly twisted into a smirk, one that sparked dread in Cloud.

Zack's voice lowered as he nudged his elbow against his friend's ribs.

“Though, speaking of company you prefer.”

Brow pinching together, Cloud glanced to his right at the sound of approaching footsteps. Heat flared in his cheeks as he noticed Tifa approaching their table.

“Here you are Cloud!” Tifa announced, setting a brightly coloured cocktail before him.

“Oh, I uh- I didn’t-”

“It’s on the house." She beamed. "Barrett’s letting me come up with new drinks for the menu. I wanted to get a second opinion I could trust.”

Her head dipped towards his beer, lukewarm and untouched.

“You’ve been sitting on that one for a while, so I get the feeling you aren’t a fan of bitter stuff.”

Cloud flushed. In all honesty, he hadn't intended on drinking anything, yet felt it would have been rude if used their space and didn’t order anything. So, he always opted to ask for the first thing he saw on the menu.

Tifa; in a gesture so selfless and innately her; mistook this for him lacking a taste for, or knowledge of alcohol, and had freely made him a drink she thought he would prefer.

It was no wonder he’d been in love with her since he was fourteen.

She pushed the glass toward him.

“Here. This has pomegranate juice in it. I hear that’s good for brain power.”

“O- oh, right." Cloud said, opening his hand to take the drink. "Thanks, Tifa.”

Their fingers touched briefly as she passed the drink over, the fleeting contact sparking through his body.

Zack smiled knowingly as the two held each other in silence.

“You know, Tifa,” Zack’s voice broke Cloud from his reverie. From the gleam in his eyes and distinct lilt in his voice, Cloud knew that he was turning up the charm. “I’m quite thirsty myself. Are there any other drinks that you would like to test out?”

Tifa folded the tray under her arms, hand stroking against her chin. Zack's suave wiles having seemingly little effect on her.

"Y'know, I probably shouldn't. I can't imagine Aerith would be happy to hear you were charming other women into getting free drinks, Zack."

Zack swallowed, the smile that crossed his features a little forced, nervous.

"Well, I should be heading back. Don't work too hard, okay Cloud?" Tifa said, voice and air morphing with genuine concern, as she lightly touched his shoulder.

Cloud nodded, fingers tracing the pattern of the coaster before him with sudden, avid interest.

Once Tifa had begun tending to another table, a safe distance away, Zack chuckled, watching his friend practically shrink back into the booth. The fleeting, affection gesture having left him tongue-tied and visibly flustered.

“You know, if it’s so hard for you to talk to her, a little liquid courage goes a long way,” Zack said, tapping the glass still resting between Cloud's fingers.

“I’m trying to keep a clear head,” Cloud answered, turning his attention back to the screen in front of him.

“Then why order anything? It’s a bar!”

“I can’t just… Not order anything.” Cloud flushed, his voice gradually trailing off. “That’d be weird.”

“But coming here under the flimsy pretence of studying just so you can look at the girl you like; yeah, totally normal.”

Cloud winced. “Don’t… phrase it like that.”

"Hey, Jessie!" Zack's voice abruptly rose, calling one of the other bartenders with a snap of his fingers. "Bring us something hard, yeah?"

"Z- Zack! What are you doing?!"

“Trust me Cloud, I’m just looking out for you.”

"I somehow doubt that."

"C'mon man, live a little!" Zack's exclaimed. "You were with Soldier for six years! You've already lost your teenage years to drills and missions. Now you gonna spend your twenties studying? You’re wasting your youth!”

“I'm on a scholarship, I need to keep my grades up. You know this Zack.”

“Aren’t you in the top percent for most of your classes? Come on, Cloud! Your grades aren’t going to suffer because you took one night off. Don't be such a Chocobo."

Cloud glared, his hand subconsciously running through messy, blond spikes; hoping they would for once rest in a way that didn't invite such comparisons.

“I’m not scared of anything, Zack. I just don’t want to, I-”

"Kweh."

Cloud trailed off, his mouth hanging open, indignant. Zack watched him, stare mischievous and challenging as he continued to wark. Like a Chocobo.

“Real mature, Zack.” Cloud sighed, reaching to clasp one of the shot glasses. “How old are you again?”

“23,” Zack winked, clinking his glass against Cloud’s own. “Now drink up.”

.

Closing time was soon approaching.

The night had been slow and Tifa had retreated momentarily to the break room, wanting a chance to catch up on some of the readings for her next class.

Though Jessie, Biggs and Wedge were still learning the ropes of the job, she was confident they could run the bar smoothly in her absence. Beyond their usual regulars, the only one there was Zack, and he had been ordering shots; easy enough to handle.

On nights like this, when it wasn't particularly busy, Barrett would sometimes let them do coursework; reasoning it was better than just standing around to nothing.

It was one of the perks of working here.

Though, admittedly, Tifa had been having difficulty concentrating; her focus drifting away from the pages before her book to thoughts of Cloud.

It made sense, she supposed. Seeing him working so hard each night had motivated her not to slack off on her own studies, in the first place. His determination was something she admired and had always driven her to improve herself.

It had helped give her the confidence to start training under Zangan, to travel to Midgar and go to University, to aspire to start her own business.

She’d found it odd, initially, that he chose a bar, of all places, to study, but... it did suit him in a way.

Even as a child, Cloud had always done things his own way. Much of his time had been spent alone, not playing with the other boys. Even when they all left for Midgar to take on jobs and apprenticeships, Cloud had aimed to join Soldier.

Tifa paused, the memory stirring something within her; the root of what was troubling her.

Soldier.

Whenever they spoke, Cloud seemed to avoid speaking about what he'd between now and his leaving for Midgar. Namely, of whether or not he'd managed to join Soldier.

It was strange that he would gloss over such an important detail. Cloud had never really bee one for gloating, but Soldier had been a goal he was determined to achieve, a dream he'd invested so much in. If he'd been accepted by Shinra, he surely would have been proud to share the news.

Yet, he'd never even written. Leading her to wonder if perhaps he hadn't made it, after all.

Still, Tifa wasn't quite so sure.

For one, Cloud was friends with Zack Fair, the 1st Class who had patrolled their hometown years ago. Good friends, it seemed. That was reason enough for her to think he must have some connection to Soldier.

Unless she was overthinking things? He'd mention working courier jobs before. Was it possible he just had a regular delivery route above the plate?

At times, Tifa couldn't help but succumb to that small, insidious part of herself, taunting that Cloud never cared to share the news with her, because he had moved on. No longer concerned with her or the promise they had made.

Tifa sighed, lounging back in her seat, silently conceding that her attempts to study weren't going anywhere.

She'd just have to be patient.

She didn’t want to pry, after all.

Stretching her arms above her head and closing up her textbook, Tifa fished through her pockets for the bar's keys, ready to start closing up.

She was interrupted by the door swinging wildly open as Biggs slipped through, not quite managing to mask the frantic look in his eyes.

His expression alone told Tifa all she needed, even before Biggs could settle on the right words with which to explain himself. There was a problem, and he had been the one to draw the short straw, to have to break the news to her.

Tifa folded her arms, weighing Biggs down with a sharp glance. Swallowing, Biggs' hand flicked through his hair.

“Yo, Tifa," he stumbled. "You, uh... you might want to check on your friends.”

“Huh?"

Dipping his head towards the bar, Tifa followed him out, curious. Immediately her eyes were drawn to the slumped heaps of Cloud and Zack, surrounded by empty shot glasses.

Cloud must have passed out; his eyes closed and steady breaths rising from his chest; while Zack struggled to his feet, grasping onto the table for support.

"I thought I told you guys to cut them off.”

“Yeah, that’s what we did. But... Well, apparently Jessie is quite fond of Blondie. His friend’s a real charmer too. He's been talking her into giving them extra drinks all night."

Tifa frowned. She had only been teasing, but apparently, Zack had taken exception to her words. She sighed, massaging the bridge of her nose.

"We're going to have to get them out of here. Barrett won't be happy if he finds out about this."

"Yeah, you're right." Tifa nodded, approaching the booth.

"Alright, buddy," Biggs said, grabbing Zack's arm and throwing it over his shoulder. "Time for you to get going."

"S'alright. I-" Zack hiccupped, holding up his PHS. "I knew you were closin' soon."

Aerith slipped through the entrance to the bar not long after, her head bowed apologetically as she met Tifa's gaze. Smirking, Tifa's head dipped towards Zack's crumpled form, and Aerith rolled her eyes, fondly.

Noticing her approach, Zack's face lit up, ecstatic finally managed to pry his girlfriend away from her study session.

"Aer!" He exclaimed. "You came!"

Aerith stumbled as Zack collapsed against her waist, dragging Biggs with him as his arms surrounded her. Straining beneath her boyfriend’s body weight, Aerith offered a sheepish smile.

"I hope these two weren't giving you too much trouble."

"I’ll help you get them home." Biggs said, standing back upright and helping to support Zack, leaving Tifa to deal with Cloud.

Compared to some of the other patrons Tifa had to help escort out, in his drunken state, Cloud actually looked rather endearing. The soft flush colouring his pale cheeks, his hair looking even more tousled than normal, falling into his eyes.

Shaking her head, Tifa slipped partway into the booth, her arms wrapping around Cloud’s waist as she slowly extracted him.

Years of training under Zangan and regularly lugging around crates filled with alcohol had helped Tifa build her strength, and she was able to support his weight with less difficulty than Aerith and Biggs were having with Zack.

Though, Cloud's slighter build and height made it easier, his chin resting comfortably against the top of her head.

“Alright, Cloud. Let’s get you home.”

“Teef. ‘M sorry,” Cloud slurred, her voice apparently stirring him.

“It’s alright, Cloud. I have a feeling this wasn’t your fault.”

"No, not that." Cloud's head lulled to the side. Intrigued, Tifa's eyes scanned to the side, wordlessly, pressing him to continue.

"I always end up on relying on you... Couldn't keep my promise."

Though his words were vague, Tifa couldn't suppress the flash of hope they sparked in her; the want to know that he still remembered, that he still cared about that pledge they had made together.

"W- what do you mean?" Tifa asked, trying to contain the urgency in her voice.

She flinched through the tense, passing seconds that followed, her question hanging unanswered.

The alcohol had loosened Cloud up, to the extent that he was revealing more than he would normally be comfortable with. Something she could only hope to uncover through gentle coaxing.

Tifa realised, with a pang of guilt, that she may have been pushing too far. It wasn't fair for her to take advantage of Cloud's inebriated state like that.

In a flash of clarity, Cloud must have realised his mistake, as he had fallen into embarrassed silence.

Glancing through her periphery, she tried to catch of glimpse of Cloud's face; trying to discern something, anything from his expression.

His head slumped against her shoulder, dead weight.

“Cloud? Cloud?!”

.

Cloud was relieved to find himself in his bedroom when he woke the following morning. Woozy, and head weighing down the rest of his body like an anchor, but otherwise fine.

Pushing the shirts aside, he realised he was still wearing his clothes from last night, though his boots were resting at the edge of the bed. He cringed noticing the dark, sticky patches staining his shirt. Hopefully, those were just beer.

Sitting up, Cloud rummaged through his jean pockets, relieved to find his keys, wallet and PHS. His laptop and notes were piled neatly on his desk.

Glancing at the clock on his bedside table, it was shortly before noon, though Cloud's schedule was, fortunately, empty for the day. He wasn't sure how eager he would have been to turn up to class today, looking like he'd fallen out of a tree.

Still, for as much as he had dreaded what may have come of him given in to Zack's pressure, Cloud supposed things could have turned out worse.

Nothing particularly egregious, from the night before, stuck out to him. He just hoped they hadn't made things difficult for Tifa.

Rolling from his bed and, unsteadily, onto his feet. Cloud shuffled out of his bedroom in search of Zack.

Despite begrudging him for putting them in the situation to begin with, he wanted to make sure his friend had returned home safely.

“Zack?” Cloud called as he padded blindly into the kitchen.

“Oh, good morning, Cloud!” An all too cheery, feminine voice answered.

The blinds were closed, only the thinnest stream of light breaking through the gaps in the shutters. Aerith stood over their kitchen table, a vision of immaculately tied hair and bright pastel colours, as she tended to a bleary-eyed, dishevelled Zack.

His hands were clasped firmly around a glass filled with a questionable looking green substance; a herbal concoction of Aerith's, perhaps?

“Aerith, please.” Zack moaned pitifully; voice muffled against the tabletop. “Not so loud.”

“Don’t mind him, Cloud.” Aerith said as she massaged her boyfriend's shoulders. “Someone’s just cranky because they have a headache.”

"Oh, I don't mind. At all." Cloud replied, making sure to scrap his chair legs as loudly as possible against the floor as he sat down. "It's not often Zack's the one asking for quiet. I like it."

Zack's gaze lifted, his face twisting angrily at Cloud.

It was rare for Zack to be in a sour mood, so much so that Cloud sometimes forgot he even was capable of it.

“How come you aren’t in as bad shape as I am?” Zack accused.

“Because I actually took precautions. Drinking water, eating. If I had to suffer through this, the least I could do was make sure you ended up worse than I did.”

“That’s it. None of Aerith’s Miracle Hangover Cure for you." Zack pouted, cradling the glass protectively against his chest. "Not until you show some sympathy."

"Why don't I get us started on some breakfast, hm? Fried food's good for a hangover, right?"

Aerith moved into the kitchen, rummaging through their cabinets for a pan; a racket of clatters that left Zack wincing. Her search was halted by a knock at the door, so light and tentative it was almost drowned out by the ensuing noise.

"Huh. I wonder who that could be?" Aerith asked, eyes meeting Cloud's.

With a shrug, Cloud rose to his feet. Despite not feeling in the slightest bit presentable for visitors, his hand clenched around the doorknob. The lash of cool air from the open door was refreshing, but the relief it brought was short-lived, as Cloud noticed who was standing on the other side.

"Tifa?"

"Cloud."

Cloud's hand brushed over his mess of hair, suddenly conscious of how haggard he, likely, looked.

It was startling how Tifa awoke these insecurities in him.

Still, he supposed anyone would have felt self-conscious, watching her standing radiantly before in the sunlight.

Behind them, Aerith clasped her hands together, watching on with apparent rapt fascination. Even Zack had found the strength to lift his head. Cloud turned with a glare.

"Oh, uh... Don't mind us."

Rolling his eyes, Cloud stepped out through the front door, closing it behind the prying eyes of his friends. With his head swimming and a swirl of nerves tickling in his belly, it was already difficult enough for him to form a coherent sentence; he didn't need an audience.

"Sorry about... them."

"It's fine," Tifa chuckled, the soft peals plucking delicately at Cloud's heart. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine, I guess. Zack got off way worse, but Aerith's taking of him."

"Really? That's a relief. You both looked like you were in a bad way last night. I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

Sheepish, Cloud hand wrung at his neck, his eyes tracing over the doorframe. Tifa dealt with drunk patrons on a regular basis. For her to be concerned, they must have been in especially rough shape.

Still, he couldn't help but relish in the hearing that she had worried about him. Perhaps it was that flash of familiar comfort that kept him speaking.

"I guess in the end you were the one to help me out a bind, huh?" Cloud answered, the words slipping easily from his tongue.

"W- what did you say?"

Tensing, Cloud realised he'd caught himself a moment too late. As Tifa looked to him, those same captivating eyes seemed younger; wide and hopeful.

"I thought you had forgotten."

Honestly, nothing could have been further from the truth. The memory was something that hung over Cloud, a constant reminder of how he had failed, how he would never be good enough for her.

Yet at the same time, it was something he cherished; a connection between them that had not been severed by even time or distance. A thread that had pulled them back together.

Unsure of exactly how to express those thoughts spiralling through his head; of what she meant to him; Cloud simply shook his head.

"You don't need anyone to rescue you, Tifa. You don’t need me anymore."

Frowning, Tifa folded her arms.

"That doesn’t mean I don't want you to be part of my life."

Cloud glanced up, disbelief flashing across his features.

"Really?"

Tifa’s expression softened, offering a silent, reassuring nod.

Cloud exhaled, his hand sliding over his face.

"I'm sorry, I'm an idiot."

"So, I'll see you at the bar then?"

Cloud grimaced, hands wiping unconsciously over the stains in his jeans.

“Tifa, don’t take this wrong way, but I’m not sure I can stomach going back to Avalanche for a while.”

“Oh,” Tifa answered, her voice faint as her gaze lowered. Cloud's eyes widened, conscious suddenly of his word choice.

“No!" His hands rose, waving back and forth desperately. "S- sorry. What I mean is, why don’t we meet somewhere else? Without Zack. Just you and I.”

"Oh." Tifa replied, her own cheeks tinging pink. "I- I think I'd like that."

"Really? I mean, that’s great!"

Tifa's head dipped slightly at the enthusiasm taking over his voice. The thick, dark locks of her hair, obscuring the flush that spread across her face. They watched one another, her smile bashful, apprehensive, as if weighing over something in her mind.

"W- well, I guess I'll see you around." She said, eventually, her arms opening as she stepped towards him.

Any worries Cloud may have still held dissipated at the soft pressure of Tifa’s body leaning into him, warm and solid and strong. The fragrant scent carrying from her was homely, clearing the haze that still clouded his consciousness. His hand cradled her head, tentatively, his fingers tracing through her hair. He exhaled, content.

Though Cloud wasn’t exactly pleased with how he’d gone about it, he couldn’t deny that Zack had really helped him out.

Somehow, he had managed to bridge the gap between him and Tifa. Something that Cloud, with his apprehension, would have likely never achieved on his own.

As much as he hated to admit it, Zack had been right. Perhaps he should go out more often.

[kob131]

https://caddeter.tumblr.com/post/185314400350/kob131-ninja8tyu-dudeblade-ninja8tyu

No, Knight, you’re wrong, about everything.

Cadder, you’re a part of a Death Battle hate group with members that preach that Ben and Chad should be fired and executed.

Ninja8tyu’s argument is that people should direct their rage to the right people.  He’s saying that if your neighbor does something that makes you mad, you should take i it up with your neighbor, not your dog.

And if that rage is based around your neighbor not walking the right way so you scream at their boss to get fired.

Said the man who has nearly drove someone to suicide through harassment and has yet to change their ways.

You mean this link?

In which the author outright contradicts how a suicidal person would act by making this big performance, acts out of the blue and tries to use that to drive away anyone who disagree with them?

Where I outright TRY to stop it?

Every single person I’ve shown this to has never had anything against me, even people who dislike my way of arguing or what I say. Sorry but your slander doesn’t work here.

Meanwhile, your friend Antcow once said that Screwattack should be shut down, Bene and Chad should be forced to admit every Death battle was fixed and they should have their livelihoods destroyed. And yet you don’t seem to have any issues with that.

Unfortunately for you, Christopher, one of my previous flaws was that I was too shy and allowed myself to be cowed too easily. That’s gone now.

1.  There is a right target here.  People are mad about the results of Ben 10 Vs. Green Lantern, their anger should be directed at the research team, not the two voice actors who didn’t know the results until they started recording their lines.

2.  Why don’t you listen to the words coming out of your mouth and actually practice what you preach for once in your good damn life.

1. It’s a fucking piece of fiction about other pieces of fiction. You’re condoning harassment over that.

2. I do. What I do isn’t harassment anymore than disagreeing with a politician. It's not like I’m saying all their followers are demons that deserve to die or that they’re not human and should all die.

Oh, this argument again.  Okay, Kkkobias, let me tell this to you really really slowly so that you can get it.

People. You. Don’t. Agree. With. Get. Free. Speech. Too.

If you say something on the internet that people disagree with, people are allow to disagree with you.  Every time you use the free speech argument, it’s always to to ‘We’re allowed to talk, and you aren’t.’

Like where precisely? 

Also, harassment isn’t covered by free speech. So...

Oh, P.S. Get a new buzzword, that one’s looking out dated and pathetic.

1.  All Dudeblade has done was make a few jokes about how Miles and Kerry were bad writers.  That’s not the equivalent of trying to kill them.  Once again, nobody complains when we make jokes about M. Night Shyamalan, Micheal Bay, Rob Liefeld, David Cage, Joe Quesada, Bill Jemas, Scott Ciencin, and several other bad writers.  Why is it so wrong to make jokes about Miles Luna?  

And threatened Jaune Arc...

While saying fiction equals reality...

And preaching that Jaune arc is a self insert of Miles...

Yeah, call me back when you can prove that people threaten the self inserts of others while thinking this equates to real violence.

2.  Dudeblade has never harassed Miles Luna.  Harassing Miles Luna would be stalking his twitter, constantly sending him insulting messages about how he’s a terrible writer.  Harassing Miles Luna would be ensuring that Miles never stopped hearing about how he’s the worst writer in the history of humanity and that’s never going to change no matter what.  Harassing Miles Luna is not saying some mean things about the man in a tag he’s most likely never going to look at.

Funny how you say I’m a harasser then since I do a lesser version of that.

Almost like you’re making excuses.

3.  And I cannot stress this enough, you try to do that every single day.

Cadder, you’re suppose to say something about me, not something that applies to you.

Once again, look in a mirror already you disgusting rotting hunk of flesh.

Mind showing me one? Because you don’t have one evidently.

Knight, for the millionth time, that’s not us, that’s you.  For example, I’m not hearing you saying anything nice about these two like you claim the RWDE tag needs to, I guess all your arguments are invalid.

Too bad I said that in regards to media, not people.

We’ve been telling you that for two years straight, you’ve never listened once.

Cadder-

https://caddeter.tumblr.com/post/185245947600/prismatic-bell-thetourguidebarbie

https://caddeter.tumblr.com/post/185245633045/dudeblade-mitch-mcconnel-lost-every-single-right

https://caddeter.tumblr.com/post/185203907030/trump-hud-official-lynne-patton-says-she-doesnt

https://caddeter.tumblr.com/post/185035274780/trump-is-giving-a-pardon-to-a-convicted-war

https://caddeter.tumblr.com/post/184711539330/trump-2-years-of-my-term-were-stollen

https://caddeter.tumblr.com/post/185245875210/dudeblade-let-it-be-known-that-if-you-are-a

Not to mention shit like Antcow’s art commissions of Tifa murdering Yang or demanding Bene and Chad have their lives destroyed before he took them down.

All of which you OPENLY associate yourself with and agree with.

Why should I listen to you?You’ve been caught lying here about me as well as the fact that you are perfectly willing to endorse things FAR FAR worse than what I do.

And unlike me, you’ve never said ‘I did something wrong in the past’. And the examples I provided are, at least, three days old.

You don't actually care about what’s morally right. You care about putting down someone who offended you years ago while trying to support the ‘right’ violence.

Sorry, Christopher, but I don’t listen to people like you. Not because of what you did in the past, not because I disagree with you but because by all rights: your actions shouldn’t exist.

[duckydoesthings]

Monster Chapter 2

CHARACTERS:

Tseng of the Turks: Little is known about Tseng, with the exception of being the leader of President Rufus ShinRa's personal protection service. He dresses in a black suit, and always puts his shoulder length hair in a ponytail. It is also known that he has a tattoo on the back of his neck of a white lily with the stem being loosely wrapped with a pink ribbon.

Prompto Argentum: Literal ball of sunshine. Happy go lucky personality with a optimistic outlook. Has ADHD, and some anxiety issues. Best friends with Noctis Caelum. Passionate about photography and chocobos.

Xion Caelum: Sister to Noctis Caelum. More reserved and quiet personality, but has her moments of pure bliss.

Zack Fair: Personal Trainer. Loves to go for runs and squats for days. Spunky with endless energy. Terra's older twin.

Cloud Strife: Weapons Expert. While quiet and shy, can be pretty cocky but willing to help his students.

Aerith Gainsborough: Medical/Materia Teacher. While she teaches medicinal courses, she also tends to her own garden. Humble and caring.

Terra Fair: Combat Specialist. While he looks intimidating and overly serious, he cares for his students and will push them to be the best fighter they can be. Zack's younger twin.

Squall Leonhart: Stealth and Technology Technician. Has a scar across his face from his ex-best friend. Sarcastic as hell yet strong willed.

Tifa Lockhart: Secretary and Dean for ShinRa Corps. She is in charge of all the students and reports their progress to President ShinRa.

TRIGGER WARNING: Slight description of wound. Blood mention.

Riku rolled onto his back, taking the pressure off of his now pounding forehead. The combination of his mind thinking about the previous day's events and the sharp throbs of his wound had kept him from sleeping very much. Despite the lack of sleep, his body was wired.

Early morning light colored the room in warmth as the sun started to rise. It was the morning that he was being shipped off to Shiva knows where, some private college that his dad thought was much more suitable than just allowing him to go to Midgar University. He laid in the sun's ray as he tried to think about reasons why his father could possibly want to send him away.

Midgar University, while not being a cheap school, had already been paid for through the scholarships Riku had entered and won. He already laid out the groundwork to being self sufficient and acted with adult maturity to pursuing this path. The path of being a paramedic. All his work was thrown out the window by his father, who insisted on the private college.

First, he didn't even tell him what college it was. For all Riku knew, it was a clown college- the option seemed incredibly viable with how his father seemed to treat him. Another possibility that stuck out to him was a military academy. There were times where Sephiroth would comment about his mother putting him into a military boarding school where he spent his teen life.

Second, would he even be able to still pursue his dream? The only reason why he even wanted to be a paramedic, was because of his mother. Before she died, she had insisted on his talent in music and art. It all changed when the medics couldn't save her life while she died from asphyxia while riding towards the hospital. He wanted to save lives and prevent families from loss like he had.

All this thinking made his already throbbing headache worse. Riku inched off the bed, trying hard to not flinch. His hands weren't scraped up too bad, but his fall from the tree had caused angry marks which were sensitive to touch. Quietly, he left his room, zigzagging around on the mahogany flooring to prevent the wood from creaking and possibly waking up his father and brothers.

Even with socked feet, the bathroom tiles were still cold enough to make him shiver. He closed the door and locked it behind him out of habit before starting to remove his clothing. He had gotten as far as removing his hoodie before catching sight of his 'lived in the wild like an animal' aesthetic in the mirror. Riku stopped and moved closer to his reflection, leaning over the sink to get a closer look.

Slowly he started to remove the bandage, revealing the gash in his eyebrow. The wound had started to look dry and irritated. Adding to the scratches on his hands and the blood spattered dry lips he had, the overall look he had was Grade C horror movie makeup. He would have to spray some neoproxin after the shower.

Before Riku completely stripped, he took a second to get the shower water running. A quirk of having an old water heater: iffy water temperatures. Most of the time when Riku had to shower, he either had to get up before everyone else or risk cold water. That was the major downside with living in a house of only boys. No hot water ever. Although the only one to really complain about the cold shower water was Riku anyways. The hot water was the only warmth Riku ever really experienced, especially after his mother died. Somewhere he read that the reason for people taking extremely long hot showers was the water acted like a hug for lonely people. Or something along those lines.

Just like the article, as the hot water warmed his skin, he felt like he was being given a hug. An awkward naked and covered in water hug, yet a hug regardless. As he started to lather his hair in shampoo, Riku let his mind be consumed by the shower sounds, letting it drown out any thoughts that would make his headache worse.

Wrapping a towel around most of his lanky figure, he stepped out of the shower and sat on the toilet, letting the towel soak up the water off his body. From where the towel fell away from his body, he saw dark purple to black bruising. They covered most of his thighs and in the florescent lighting of the bathroom, it only made the bruises darker than they already were.

Suddenly a few light taps of the bathroom door broke Riku out of his daze, sending his heart into panic mode.

"What?"

"I need to take a leak. Hurry the fuck up man." Yazoo. No matter how much their mother would complain about his language, he never let the fact that he had no filter bother him.

"Gimme a sec, Yaz. I'm naked." He stood up and went to the small linen closet in the corner next to the stackable washer and dryer unit, and grabbed a bathrobe.

"Yeah so? That's never stopped me before. We've seen each other naked before." His voice became unmuffled as Riku opened the door, holding the robe as tight as possible over his small frame. Both brothers matched each other in height and weight, yet Yazoo filled out his body better. Riku felt like his soul was so much more tinier than his body was fit to fill. "Ouch. What happened? Ran right into the bookcase again, lil bro?"

Riku slipped to the side, allowing his brother to pass, ignoring the comment. "Just hurry up. I still need to use the bathroom."

"Yeah whatever." He was then pushed out of the room, door closing and locking in front of him. Quickly, he rushed into his room, ignoring the floor as it creaked under his feet. If he wanted any chance to fix his face before another one of his brothers took over the bathroom again, he would need to grab his clothes and run back.

Yazoo just barely left the bathroom, as Riku appeared again, a bundle of clothes in his arms. "Seriously though, story about the cut?" He asked, blocking the doorway.

"Oh come on, Yaz. I don't have the time for this." He pouted, attempting again to strong arm his way in, but a hand pushing him back stopped him.

"What's the rush? We all know about you sneaking out last night. You're not really subtle while falling out of a tree." Yazoo smirked, watching his brother look away from him in shame. "Oh come on, don't give me the wounded animal look. Dad expected you to run away to your girlfriend."

Riku looked back at Yazoo and watched him move away from the door and walk back towards his room. 'What the hell?' He thought as he returned to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. His family was acting extremely strange and if he continued to think about it, it would only make his head hurt more.

After he had gotten dressed and applied antiseptic cream and a bandage to his eyebrow, he threw the robe into the hamper and left the bathroom.

Normally, Riku reveled in the calmness of the house in early morning slumber, but this morning was different. It was as if all the life had been sucked out of the calming air, giving him a sense of emptiness. Even as he made his way down the stairs, passing all the family photos that decorated the wall, he felt like a stranger.

Riku stopped in front of a photo, midway down the stairs and turned towards it. The photo showed a young boy with light silvery hair, smiling with a two toothed gap in his front teeth, holding out the teeth to the camera as a blue haired fairy crouched next to him. His heart nearly broke, seeing how happy he was back then. Even as a kid he had been oblivious to the pain he would later face.

Curling his fingers into his palm, nails digging into his cuts, the boy turned away from the photo. He continued down the stairs, waiting till he had entered the kitchen to unclench his hands, letting out a long breath as he did.

The room had a calm air to it, as he let go of his anger and made his way around the island and to the coffee pot. Everyone in his household with exceptions for Loz drank coffee. It was just easier to have coffee going while he was getting breakfast started.

Riku was easily preoccupied with the menial task of making the surplus of french toast, bacon and eggs, allowing his mind to focus on cooking. He had all four burners on the flat top cooking at once, keeping a steady flow of stirring and flipping while the rest of the house woke up.

"Smells good, Riku." Loz commented, opening the fridge door, being careful not to hit his brother. The youngest waited till the door was closed before turning to look at his brother.

"Thanks." He turned back, focusing on the food. Loz cleared his throat as he opened the bottle of water, leaning up against the fridge. Riku looked at his brother, seeing a look that only meant that he wanted to talk. "What?"

"I heard about the uh.. what happened..." Loz looked away and moved to sit at the island. Riku turned back to the food, choosing not to respond at the moment. Instead he flipped the food, letting the sizzling drown out his thoughts. He wasn't mad at Loz. His brother did nothing wrong and he knew that it wasn't fair that he was giving him the cold shoulder. After flipping the food once more, he turned his head towards his brother, looking over his shoulder.

"Can you get the table set?" That brought a smile back onto Loz's face as he got up and started to help set up for breakfast.

As the plates, silverware and glasses were set onto the table, Riku and Loz teamed up to lay out all the food, just as the other two brothers made their way into the kitchen.

"Poison for breakfast, Reek?" Kadaj snorted, pleased at himself for the Game Of Thrones reference as he plopped down into a chair and grabbed a slice of bacon. Riku ignored the comment, sitting in his own chair and taking a sip of the coffee he had made for himself.

"You just ate poison then, Ramsey." Sitting next to his brother, Yazoo nudged at him. Kadaj grabbed at his throat making choking noises before slumping in his chair and pointing at Riku.

"You guys really suck with keeping things accurate." Riku smirked, enjoying his brothers. Times like this made him feel like a part of a family. When even though his brothers could be royal pains in his ass, they still were his brothers. Just the thought of no longer being able to enjoy his brothers' silliness sent a stab of pain into his heart. It almost made him lose his appetite.

"At least I kept it in the same series." Kadaj retorted, about to continue with his sentence before Riku groaned flicking a piece of egg at him.

"Shut up! That was one time! Let it go!" Kadaj shook his head, swiping off the egg on his shoulder. He grabbed a piece of his own egg and threw it at his brother, hearing the footsteps of his father as he walked into the room. He knew that Riku would retaliate and get in trouble by his father. Only today Riku deflected the egg and turned to watch it fall on his father's socked foot.

The room went quiet, as the boys watched their father look down at his sock, then at all his sons. This wasnt the first time that he had walked into the start of a food fight, but this morning felt different. Sephiroth simply bent down, picked up the egg and went to the sink, dropping it down the garbage disposal.

"I could have eaten that." Loz complained, tapping the empty spot on his plate where his eggs had been. With how much energy he went through on a daily basis, Loz could have eaten it and still would have been content.

"Ew. You could have gotten athlete's foot, on your tongue." Yazoo cringed, before returning to spacing out. As much as Riku wanted to correct his oldest brother, it was for the best that he left the subject alone. He wouldn't have given two shits anyways.

"It would be just like Loz to get a foot fungal infection in his mouth." Their father stated in a monotone voice, a hint of a smile lurking on his lips. Everyone in the room started laughing, even Loz. Everything in that moment seemed perfect. One big happy family of boys, laughing at the stupid comments of one of the brothers. Moments like this made Riku believe that there was such a thing as a happy family for him.

That moment died when a knock cut through their laughter. Riku pushed back his chair and headed towards the door as his family returned to their food, a new conversation picking up as soon as his feet moved him past the archway of the kitchen. His heart rate started picking up as his fingers touched the golden colored handle, twisting the door open.

Sunlight blinded him the moment he pulled the door away from the frame, only lasting a brief second before the door revealed a lanky man in a crisp black suit.

"May I help you?"

The man extended his right hand towards the boy, giving a curt nod instead of a smile. "My name is Tseng. You must be Riku."

He nodded at the man, as their hands touched. Something about this Tseng guy gave him a chill that trickled down his back. The whole meet and greet seemed quite odd to him.

"Early as always. Care for some breakfast?" Sephiroth asked, coming up right behind his son. Riku pulled away, stepping to the side. There was no way he wanted to get back on his father's bad side, even though he was being sent away today. He wasn't even ready for it.

Tseng's dark eyes flickered from his coworker to the son, before he gently shook his head, but stepped into the large house anyways. "Thank you, but no."

Aquamarine eyes watched as the stranger closed the door behind him, as if he had been here before. Something about his presence made Riku's heart race.

"Riku." The sharp tone of his father's voice, broke him out of his current dazed state, causing him to look at him with a slightly scared look. "Where are your bags?"

"What bags?" It took him a few seconds to realize what exactly was going on, his brain clicking into place. He couldn't even believe how brain-missing he had been. "Oh, right uhm... I haven't even packed yet."

Sephiroth's lip twitched in displeasement, before he turned away and started back for the kitchen. "Don't make Tseng wait any longer than he already is." With that, he left him and Tseng alone in the foyer, rejoining his other sons.

Another long moment of awkward silence passed before he bowed slightly towards the man who would whisk him away from his family. The least he could do is be polite and not make him wait any longer than he was going to.

"I'll try to pack fast." All Tseng did was nod at him before following his father into the kitchen, leaving him alone.

Several dark thoughts climbed their way out of the walled off corner in his mind as he made his way up the steps, leaving his breakfast to sit cold on the table. Surely his brothers wouldn't put it to waste, or his dad would eat it. Maybe this is good that he was being shipped away. No one seemed to really care about him anyways, always leaving him to stand off to the side watching everyone pass by him.

Whatever schooling his dad was sending him to was probably a blessing in disguise. It would give him a chance to start over, start fresh. Maybe make some friends who he could actually spend time with. It wasn't as if he didn't have friends, but with everyone heading off to different colleges, he got lost in the fray of trying to adult.

Those dark circling thoughts kept swarming his brain as he had gotten into his room and started packing. What if people at his new school didn't like him? He was already a socially stunted, maybe there was just no hope for him to make a new friend anyways.

From his bedside table, a chocobo 'kweh' broke him out of his thoughts. He stood up and made his way around the newly made mess of clothes strewn across the floor, to grab his phone.

[Kairi: hi]

Smiling, Riku quickly typed out a reply before heading back to the spot he had been to continue packing.

[Riku: Good morning, sleepy head. How did you sleep?]

As per normal, Kairi sent back a quick reply. Conversations always went fast with Kairi 'test so fast' Evelon. For a few minutes, he ignored his phone, until another message insisted on his reply.

[Kairi: it was ok. just hella worried about u.]

[Kairi: did u sleep okay? wut did ur dad say?]

His heart skipped a beat, remembering what had happened last night. The thought did send a bolt of pain to his wound though. He'd need to apply some numbing cream to it later on.

[Riku: Dad didn't say anything to me... Well not really anything about last night. He was a little pissy when I had told him I hadn't started packing...]

There wasn't a text from Kairi for several minutes, giving him the chance to continue packing without being interrupted. He knew she was probably showering or grabbing coffee. By the time she had responded back, he was finished folding all his clothes and had grabbed his duffle bag from the closet.

[Kairi: wut a dick!!! u had no time 2 pack!!!]

[Kairi: the least he couldve done is given u time 2 pack...]

The thought of his father giving him a notice even a week before hand wouldn't have made this any easier.

[Riku: It's okay, Kai. I'm almost finished packing anyways. It's not like I was given a list of things I needed for school, so I just grabbed what I thought I needed.]

Setting his phone aside, he let the text come in while he stacked the clothes in the bag. There was still several things on his mental list to grab, but he was had just wanted to  get his clothes packed first.

[Kairi: thats dumb. i wish u were still going 2 mu w me]

Riku's heart pounded thinking about her. There she was, sitting all alone in a hotel room only a few miles away. He was so close to her, why did it seem like she was so far? Quickly he fired off a quick message before getting up and heading to the bathroom.

[Riku: Me too, Kai.]

Once in the bathroom, he quickly grabbed all his bathroom things, shoving them into a bag that he had in his drawer for when he spent the night at Sora's house. Before leaving, he took one last look in the mirror. The bandage and scratches made him look like he had lost a fight with Sher Khan, the tiger from The Jungle Book. Even though he checked it about two hours ago, he still wanted to make sure that it was healing.

Removing the bandage, Riku took a better look at the wound. It didn't look as bad as he thought. It looked like a fresh wound, open and still wet from the anti-septic gel he had applied earlier. With the gauze off, the wound was easily hidden from view with his long bangs. It also made the scratches slightly less noticeable.

Making a decision to keep it off -He had heard from his dad that small wounds heal better when not covered- he grabbed his bag and headed back for his room, where he was greeted by his brother Loz, standing over the duffle bag of clothes. Riku noticed he held one of his hands was closed, hanging loosely at his side.

"What's up, Loz?" He asked, walking towards the bag and dropping his toiletries on top of the pile of clothes. His brother extended his closed hand, waiting patiently for his youngest brother to look at him. Riku looked from the hand to his brother, before hesitantly offering an open hand.

The item was transferred from twin to twin, in a moment of silence, before Loz looked away, awkwardly rubbing his neck. It seemed like his brother wanted to speak but couldn't quite get the words out, giving Riku just enough time to look down at his hand. The item took every word, thought and breath from him.

A silver chained necklace lay in his hand, bits of the chain spilling out of his palm, with the charm sitting in the center, facing him. It had been years since he had last seen this necklace. The last time he remembered seeing it was on his mother's neck while she was lying in the hospital bed, her skin turning whiter than the sheets.

"Where..." Riku's voice came out in a shaky whimper. The charm was a silver outlined wayfinder with each of her family's favorite colours. At the bottom left was Sephiroth's with a steel blue- the same color as his wife's hair, with Yazoo taking the top slot with a grassy green. Kadaj had the bottom right with a dark red, while Loz occupied the left middle piece with a faded lilac. Leaving Riku with the right middle piece.

He remembered when his mother originally had commissioned the piece, she asked her entire family while at dinner one night, while they were all still kids. His brothers and father answered quickly, returning to their meals within the minute. It took Riku a solid week to decide what his color would be, but ultimately he went with the color that stood out to him the most. Aquamarine. The color of his eyes and the oceans of Destiny Islands, where his happiest memories were from.

"Mom wanted you to have it. She gave it to Dad to give to you before she died, but he gave it to Yaz and Kadaj, but I stole it from them. Now you have it." Loz looked out the window, avoiding looking at his brother. His voice was choked, as if holding back tears. Out of the entire family, both him and Loz were the soft hearted kids, constantly being teased for it. Once Loz hit puberty and got into sports, where he became the tank of the family, while Riku grew to be a tall string bean, the burden fell completely on him.

The youngest quintuplet reached out to his brother, resting his free hand lightly on Loz's arm. None of the Jenova kids were good with expressing their feelings, always resorting to painful punches to the shoulder or rough noogies, but in that moment, Loz turned back to Riku with tears in his eyes. Both boys embraced each other, in a hug full of sniffles, muscles and silver hair.

"I don't want you to go." Loz confessed, pulling away and returning back to the stoic facade he normally held, even if his words had suggested otherwise. Riku looked down at his mother’s- no, now it was his- necklace, before pulling apart the magnetic connectors and putting it on. Unlike where the charm rested on his mother at the top of her sternum, the necklace rested right between the ridge of his clavicle. Easily hideable under his clothes, where he slipped it under his shirt.

"I don't want to go either, but I don't get a choice." Riku swallowed thickly, trying his best to hold back tears. This wasn't the time or place. Sure, both of them had cried in front of each other, but he had to be strong for his brother. Be strong for himself.

Loz nodded, the threat of tears looming behind bright aquamarine eyes. He moved away from his brother and to the door, pausing to look back at him with his hand on the handle. "Be safe, Rikki."

Riku watched as his brother left, the image almost breaking his heart. Was this some foreboding sign that he would never see his brother again? There was no logical reason why he shouldn't, they still had their whole adult lives to be close. Out of all his brothers, Riku had the best relationship with Loz and had no qualms with being close later in life, yet the possible thought of not being able to see his brother for Titan knows long…

Another Chocobo 'Kweh' brought him out of his thoughts. He sat back down, grabbing his phone from the top of a shirt pile.

[Kairi: when r u supposed 2 leave 4 ur new skool? maybe we can call b4]

The thought of seeing her one last time before he was shipped away to this mysterious private college made a small smile crawl across his lips. He could probably call while packing, but knowing how much Kairi could talk made him realize that it would be a bad idea.

[Riku: Sorry, Kai. My ride is already here, and I don't want to make him wait any longer than he already is... Sorry.]

Setting his phone aside, he had started put the small piles in the bag and ignored the text that came in. As he had put the pants pile in, he realized his hands were starting to shake.

'No, please not now.' Riku thought, feeling the spike of anxiety, shakiness and overall feeling of being off. He really didn't want to have a panic attack now, of all times. There was only one way to stave off this possible attack, a trick he learned from his mom to handle his anxiety.

Sitting cross legged, he closed his eyes, resting his hands on his knees. Deep breathes now. In for three and hold for four. As he started the breathing exercise, he could hear his mom coaching him. She always had a calming aura around her, and having her necklace only made him feel even more connected to her. You're doing well, Riku. Now, out for seven . He had continued the exercise until he had felt his anxiety wane. He opened his eyes and checked to see his hands. No shakes.

With the possible attack deflected, Riku continued packing until he had finished. The duffle back was still a little less than halfway empty. What more was he supposed to pack? He didn't know what school he was going to, let alone knowing what he had to take with him. There wasn't anything else he wanted to take with him anyways.

Oh well.

Grabbing his phone, he checked the last notification from Kairi.

[Kairi: i understand. will u still txt me while @ ur new skool?]

[Riku: Of course. You know that I will always text you when I can.]

Standing up, he put his phone in his front pockets before turning towards his bed. From there he grabbed his charger for his phone, tossing it over to his backpack where it landed on the floor a few feet away. At least it was close. He sighed, taking the next few minutes to gather and roll up the cords for his laptop, tablet and mp3 player, before grabbing the rest of his electronics and bringing them to his backpack. He had just bought the backpack, prepared to use it for all his tech, books and notebooks for classes. At least it still was getting use.

After he packed all his things, Riku slung his backpack across his back and grabbed his duffle bag with one hand. He approached the door and took one more look around, feeling lost and empty. The room he spent most of his life sleeping in, he was leaving for a undetermined amount of time. He looked at the walls, covered in various posters, art prints and decorations. Every video game, band, anime and mementos he had gathered over his life seemed to have lost the same effect it had when he would look over them. Thinking that he wouldn't be able to see this room for some time made a pang hit his chest. He couldn't look at it anymore without wanting to break down.

Riku closed the door behind him as he headed down the hall, feeling chills as he walked through the house. He could still his brothers laughing loudly in the kitchen, arguing over who is going to do the dishes. A scene he desperately wished he could be apart of.

Going down the stairs, he avoided looking at the pictures. It would make leaving harder than it already was. Quietly he got to the bottom of the stairs and looked at Tseng where he stood next to the door, along with his father. They were both looking back at him. Tseng with his dark bored eyes, and his father with his bright unreadable eyes.

"I'm sorry it took me so long. I had trouble thinking of what I would need to bring." Riku stated as he hitched his backpack back up his shoulder. He made sure not to look at his dad, hoping that he could retaliate at him by acting like he didn't even see him.

"Are you ready to go now?" Tseng asked, nodding at him. He nodded back and went for the door, which Tseng opened up for him, and had started to walk through before he heard his name being called.

"What?" Turning, Riku looked at his father with his good eyebrow raised, waiting for him to respond. Kadaj and Yazoo poked their heads out of the kitchen, hoping to eavesdrop on the situation. Their father took a big step closer to the youngest son.

Putting a hand on his son's shoulder, Sephiroth gave him a knowing smile as he leaned down, his lips close to Riku's ear. "I know about the necklace."

Sephiroth pulled back and gave a light push on his son’s shoulder, before turning and joining his other sons back in the kitchen. Part of him wanted to chase after his dad and throw his bag at him, beating him over and over. That psychopath knew how to dig right into the core of his enemies, and his favourite target was his son.

"Let's go." Riku nodded back at Tseng and left his house. He continued to walk towards the car that was parked on the street. He couldn't bear turning back and looking at the house. The building he made the most memories under. Memories of mass birthday parties with his brothers, sleepovers with Sora, spending time painting his mother while she modeled. Memories that would make him crumble into a ball of crying fits and rage.

Tseng clicked a button on the car fob, opening the trunk for Riku to put his things. He was stunned at how sleek and cat-like the car was. It was the car form of a black panther, in his opinion. Part of him felt awkward dropping his stuff in the back of such a beautiful car.

"What kind of car is this?" Riku asked as he and Tseng got into the front seats, buckling up.

"I didn't think you were interested in cars, Riku." The man turned to him with an inquisitive look. He shrugged, resting against the fine black with red stitched leather seats.

"I'm not, but this car is kinda cool."

Tseng nodded and turned back to the wheel, turning the car on. The car quietly purred to life, before the driver put the car into gear and drove away from the house. Riku didn't think about it then, but his heart hurt not taking one last look.

The drive through Midgar was quiet, other than the sound of the car's engine. Neither of them had wanted to say anything, leaving Riku to sit in the seat, his mind consumed with thoughts and questions. He still didn't know where he was going, and something bugged him about what Tseng had said. 'I didn't think you were interested in cars, Riku.' What did that mean?

"Uhm... Mr. Tseng?" Riku turned to look at the man in the driver's seat, hoping he wasn't distracting from driving. Without even taking his eyes off the road, Tseng answered, in a calm tone.

"It's just Tseng. What can I do for you?"

"Your comment about the car... What did you mean by that?"

Tseng took a few moments to think about his answer before taking a look at the boy. His dark eyes seemed to soften while looking at him.

"Your mother used to talk to me a lot about you." Riku blinked at his answer. His mom knew Tseng? How? She worked as a materia and magic specialist at ShinRa Corps. He remembered hearing his mom talk about how she had taught Sephiroth how to use curative materia and magic, and that’s how his father met his mother but how did Tseng fit within the puzzle?

"How do you know my mom?" A small smile crawled onto Tseng's lips. It was as if he knew exactly what Riku was going to ask.

"Let me ask this question first. Do you know what a Turk is?"

Riku nodded. "An elite bodyguard for the military's president, Rufus ShinRa."

"Correct. I'm the leader of the Turks." Tseng nodded back an affirmation to Riku. "I had worked with your mother, quite extensively I might add."

His mother was coworkers with his driver. What a small world. Or a planned world. Who knew?

"Oh." Falling silent again, Riku turned to the window, watching the city pass. They had gotten on the highway and started passing downtown. The city was colored in grey like the overcast sky, making the already steel structured buildings even more bland. Watching the city pass cleared his head, giving him a few minutes of peace as he had nothing to think about. After they passed downtown, Tseng pulled off onto an exit heading towards the edge of the city.

"Where are we even going?" Riku asked as he pulled himself away from the window, watching through the front window.

"Sephiroth never told you where you were being sent to?" Tseng acted surprised at it, even though Riku wasn't. He was always the last to know anything.

"Nope."

Tseng frowned, his eyebrows knitting together. It took him a minute to respond, his eyes focusing straight onto the highway.

"I've been instructed to take you to ShinRa Corps."

His answer took Riku by surprise.

ShinRa Corps? The same military academy that his father went to? The same academy his mother worked at, and apparently so did Tseng? Nothing was making sense. Riku was a very structured individual with a boring bland record of rowdiness, and his father knew with the way his anxieties were that going into the military would probably end up breaking him.

Was that the point?

Turning back to the window, Riku slumped into his seat. Now he finally knew his father's plan. Send him away to a military school to break him. It made his anger spike. Now he wished he would have thrown his duffle bag at his father and hit him. That scheming psychopath. Sephiroth was no father to him, just a dick who he was unfortunately related to.

A chocobo wark broke him of his thoughts.

[Kairi: im gonna miss u]

She still made him smile. A sad smile, but a smile regardless.

[Riku: I want to fucking kill my dad. He's sending me to a military school, Kairi. SHINRA CORPS! I don't know what I'm going to do anymore.]

Barely a minute later, he got a series of texts.

[Kairi: WUT?!]

[Kairi: WHY THE FUCK?!?! WUT A DICK!!!!]

[Kairi: RUN AWAY AS SOON AS U CAN!!! ILL GET U]

Even angry, she was always looking out for him.

[Riku: You know I want to Kai.]

[Kairi: wuts stopn u?]

Good question. He locked his phone and looked out the window again, trying to think. Why didn't he just run away and live with Kairi? They could make it work right? He could find a job, and eventually go to school when he could. He would be so much happier if he left, but then again, he almost never disobeyed.

[Riku: I am. I can't bring myself to run away. Even when I had the chance last night, I ran right back home.]

Riku always knew he was a bit of a coward, but his text to Kairi only made his inner demons whisper their vile in his mind. You'll never be ready to come out of your father's control. Maybe you should just open the door and jump. You're going to die in the school anyways.

"Riku, we're here."

Looking up from his phone, he finally got to see the place where he was going to spend an undetermined amount of time in. The school was built into the side of a mountain, with a dusty valley at the edge of the city. It was designed with stealth in mind, no one being able to enter without passing over the mountain or passing through a series of gates that opened as soon as Tseng drove the car closer. Clearly whoever was opening the gates for him, knew who was the driver, or they knew the car.

Tseng navigated the car through the gates, up to the back side of the mountain, driving towards a concrete building, barely big enough to fit the car. The Turk parked in front of the building, leaving the car running as he got out. Riku followed suit, getting out. He put his phone into his pocket before closing the door and heading to the trunk to grab his stuff.

"This is where I leave you." Tseng stated, closing the trunk as Riku set the duffle bag on the ground.

"Wait." Riku slipped his arms through the straps of his backpack, halting Tseng's path back to the driver’s seat. "What am I supposed to do?"

Tseng nodded at the building with his head. "Get into the elevator and pull the lever. Tifa will take it from there."

With that, Tseng got into his car, speeding away from the silver haired boy, a cloud of dust picking up behind the car. He watched as the car disappeared, leaving him alone at last.

Riku picked up his bag, slinging the strap across his chest as he began the short walk to the elevator. He was starting to feel his heart race and his body shake, as another possible panic attack started to rise. No, he couldn't let it happen. Not now. Following Tseng's orders, he got inside the elevator and pulled the lever on the wall, before he covered his ears with his hands and closed his eyes. In for three Riku. You can do it. Now hold. One, two, three, four. Out for seven. Keep it up.

The elevator started to move as he released his breath. It made no sound as it lowered him to his fate. He kept his exercise up until the elevator slowed to a stop, removing his hands from his ears. The doors began to open as he lifted his head and saw who Tseng was talking about.

The 'Tifa' that Tseng had mentioned was a relatively tall woman dressed in a form fitting black dress that jiggled her tummy fat as she shifted from foot to foot. Riku tried not to stare, but had a hard time. She was extremely beautiful even though she was on the heavier set side. He swallowed hard and ducked his head as he moved to meet her.

"You must be Riku Jenova. It's very nice to finally meet you." Tifa gave him a sweet smile and held out a hand towards the new student. He nodded and shook her hand, keeping his eyes locked with hers.

"Nice to meet you too, Miss Tifa." Riku mumbled, cursing his anxiety. He cleared his throat, pulling his hand away to rub his neck. She grinned at him again and turned around, a door directly behind her.

"If you would follow me, I'll give you a tour of your new home for the next two years." Without a word he followed, gripping the strap of his duffle bag tightly. Butterflies filled his stomach as he passed through the door into a tunnel, strips of mild light showed them the way, etched into the wall. The light cast shadows of them as they walked, a creepy feeling filling his chest.

"You said, two years?" Riku asked, having a hard time finding his voice. His throat was tight as a sudden rush of anxiety raced through his veins. He didn't like the claustrophobic feeling, and being trapped in a hallway under piles of rock only made his stomach do flops. He wanted to leave badly. To return back to the surface and breath fresh air.

Tifa turned her head, nodding at him. Even with her heels, they were the same height, making it easier on the both of them. "Training last two years, then another five years of mission service before we place you into your permanent jobs."

Keeping pace with her, Riku looked away and at his feet as he processed it. His whole life was already being planned out for him, without a little consent. It made him feel nauseous. There just was something about being a bird with clipped wings that made him sick.

It took him a moment before he looked up. They had arrived to another door. Tifa stepped up to the side of the door where a small grid glowed rested on the wall. She took her left wrist, holding up a thin silver bracelet up to the scanner. A small chirping sounded after the scanner scanned her bracelet, opening the doors.

The world beyond the door was like a scene from the movie Divergent- one of Riku's favourites. Walls made of rock, with hastily made rope bridges stringing across paired with a sudden drop off to the left. People wandered about, climbing walls or running along the cliffs edge. It was strange to see such a beautiful room hidden away in a mountain.

"Please follow me." Tifa started walking forward, beckoning for him to follow. Even with a bunch of people out and about in the cave, no one stepped in their way. This made Riku feel slightly better but not by much. His heart rammed in his chest as he trailed behind the woman, trying to keep his breathing in check.

Tifa led him through the main cavern, keeping a steady pace even walking across rickety bridges. Neither person said a word, causing the bubble in Riku's chest continue to expand. Her words were eating at him. Two years of training, then another five years of missions before he was even able to get placed in a job. Granted he would have been in school for that long for paramedic schooling, but it wasn't a forced position. He wanted to spend seven years in school. It meant he would be well prepared to save lives. Here? He had no idea what he was even training for.

“Wait, what do you mean by mission service?” He asked stepping up next to her as she led him off into a side hallway. Tifa left his question unanswered, continuing down the hallway until they reached the door a short walk away. She turned to him and reached out, resting a gentle hand on the side of his arm. He didn’t dare look at it, instead looking down at her as she looked up. Her heels did nothing to add to her height. It didn’t help that he was freakishly tall.

“You will learn everything you need to know soon. In our line of work, patience yields focus.” Tifa removed her hand and turned to the door, giving the solid wood a few curt rasps before turning back to him. “Mr. Leonhart will get you set up with everything you need.”

She started to head away right as the door had started to open, bringing his attention away from the Dean. The man behind the door was about as tall as he was, with steel blue eyes and wispy chocolate hair. His features were rather plain with the exception of the aged scar and resting bitch face he wore.

Riku bowed slightly, biting his lip a little bit. The man kept staring at him with his bored eyes. What was his problem?

“When you’re done with whatever you’re doing, come inside. We have work to do.” Cold much? He watched as the teacher turned away from him, returning to the simple desk. There was nothing else for Riku to do other than follow him, dragging his duffle bag and backpack into the room. Out of habit he closed the door behind him.

As Riku walked into the room, there was a not a whole lot going on. A bookshelf mainly empty sat behind the small desk. A small plaque and certificate hung on the wall next to him. All in all, this room was close to a broom closet. How could someone willingly choose this as a room? He felt small just by standing in front of the closed door.

“Put your things in the corner. I need a full body scan.” Mr. Leonhart stated in a bored tone, scooping a set of gloves and a sleek pair of glasses off the desk. Quickly following his request, he set his stuff in the corner and stood where the man pointed.

Leonhart slipped the gloves and glasses on, taking a brief moment before clapping his hands together, and held them up. Riku froze, his anxiety spiking. What was going on? He didn’t understand anything and his mind raced with a thousand possibilities, none of them good.

“Turn for me. Slowly.” He did what he was told, biting his lip. After he had turned in a full circle, the teacher returned to his desk. He sat down in the desk chair, and snapped his fingers, digital holograms appearing before Riku’s eyes. There his holographic self stood, with little stars popping up around his body.

“I assume you don’t know what this is.” Mr. Leonhart looked through the image at Riku as if he had done this before. He flicked his hand to the side, having the holograph spin.

“No, sir.” The teacher brushed away his bangs before tapping on one of the stars that was next to the image’s head.

“This system is called the ShinRa Hologram Internal Technology,” he starts in a monotone, as if bored. “All the staff here use this system to keep track of every SOLDIER’s training.” The star created a little line connecting to a list. Stage One Agoraphobia. Stage Three Panic Disorder . Riku read, holding his breath. He remembered his doctor diagnosing him with those exact things. His heart started pounding in his chest. What was up with this system? Did it read his mind?

“So… What does that mean?” He asked, pointing to the words next to his holograph. Of course he knew exactly what they meant, but why they were showing up was what he was aiming for. Did the system know all his faults? Although it didn’t list that he had daddy or self image issues.

“It’s a list of important things that could hinder your training.” Leonhart tapped on the star again, having the list disappear. Knots started forming in Riku’s stomach, just as his throat tightened. Great. Not only was he unfit to be Sephiroth’s son, but his mental illness was a possible hindrance to his new school. Questions started popping up in his mind. What if he was deemed unworthy to even be in this military academy? Would he go back home? No there was no way his father would take him back, but there was no where else for him.

Mr. Leonhart swiped the hologram away, blinking as the see-through image of Riku dissipated into nothing. He took off the glasses and gloves, leaving them on the bare desk before pushing back his chair and standing up.

Quickly he went to grab his stuff and follow Mr. Leonhart out of the office, slugging the bags onto his back. Riku was used to carrying a lot more weight than this, especially when his mother had urged him into joining band. Instrument of choice? Snare drums. “Where are we going now?”

“Orientation.” Riku swallowed thickly, biting his lip as they exited the room.

[bartenderofseventhheaven]

Rules

-First, please respect me, and will exchange the same towards you. No discrimination will be brought here. Period.  

-There will be no Godmodding here. It won't be fun if someone just took your character and controlled them? No fun will not undergo if that happens.

-My muse and I are of age to express explicit content, however, I'm not into that underage, incest, non consensual content bullcrap. None of that ish is going on with that stuff. 

-Fair warning: I do work, so that means I'll be exhausted from it. I can try to get to replies during my lunch and off days, but there will be no promises when it comes to this. 

-theplaguedwolverine...Who the hell is that? That is me, sweeties! I also run Logan Aka Wolverine from the X-Men. Do not be alarmed if you get a follow from my main blog. Bartenderofseventhheaven=Tifa Lockhart, MasamuneWielder=sephirothcresent. These two are my sideblogs, so I cannot follow you guys back from them. However, if anyone has solved that issue of that occurring, please let me know. 

-Plotting. Plenty of time to plot with each other, especially when I’m not too aware of your characters (However,  I always tend to do a bit of research when someone follows me from an unfamiliar fandom. I am totally invested in doing this.)

-What is this length you speak of? Alright, I am a reasonable person, but there is one thing in the world that I cannot go by: One worded replies. This doesn’t apply to ask, because that can turn into something more, but what I’m  referring to is someone putting in this work to give you a reply that’s a good length, but out of no where, a word. GIRL IF YOU DON’T GET THAT ISH UP OUTTA HERE! All jokes aside, I do not like to respond to one worded threads. That’s what I don’t like at all. 

-Lengthy stuff? I likes that shit! I’m currently in a thread with someone who loves to write their behinds off, and I love reading their content along with plotting to match their length. Mind you, I usually try to match my partners length of text. If you don’t get a reply from me the very second, I am not hiding to avoid the reply, I am plotting bunnies to match you. 

-Do not shy away from messenger. If you see something that I’m doing wrong, or need to point out, please do so. I am not going to chew no one’s head off declaring that I’m right, and this and that. I’ll accept, and move on with my life, along with apologizing to you. 

-NSFW content.....Bring it on! I write smut, blood and gore content to my hearts content, but please....We can’t just have our characters killing and screwing each other. We need to have contents before creating science.   

Original Characters: You shall come along and have a good ol’ time with my muses if you like. Just please, I would love to be told about your backstories.

*No instant relationship

*Give me your stories, because I love reading about different oc’s and how they interact with the fandom. Please!

* When interacting with a canon character, we are to assume that they have no idea who the OC is. I say this because the interaction could be more interesting than: “Oh, I’ve known Sephiroth since he was a wee boy....” (Oh dear god lol) 

[creamypudding]

Chapter warnings apply for this: Mental health issues: PTSD, depression, death wish, survivors guilt. Limb loss, medical conditions, mild mentions of dismemberment, body dysphoria/shame. A whole lot of Hurt/Comfort. Title: Inside Stuff Chapter: 7/20 Fandom: FFVII - Modern AU. Pairing: Zack/Cloud Chapter Rating: Mature Word Count: 12,453

Summary: Kintsukuroi - an art and philosophy that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art.

A story about love, healing, and forgiveness of the self and others. *** Cloud visits Zack and soon realises he'll have to lead by example if he hopes for Zack to talk. ————————————————-

Chapter 7: Inside Stuff

The following day, Cloud’s mind was at the hospital even as he drove to get himself to work. He’d had poor, broken sleep once he'd arrived home. The storm had returned early in the morning and at every thunderclap his anxiety had, and still did flare. One word flashed through his chest every time: Zack.

As Cloud got the delivery van back to work he decided then and there that he couldn’t go through with it: he couldn’t do his shift.

He wove his way through the obstacle of buckets collecting rainwater from holes in the roof as he made his way to the front desk of his place of employment. “Tifa, I’m taking the day off,” he announced as he handed her yesterday’s invoices.

“Why? Is everything alright? When did you finish work last night? You took the van home.” Worry sat in her voice and she rose to her feet.

Cloud bit back voicing the concern in his chest. “Yeah, everything’s fine. I didn’t want to get soaked going home, so I took the van.”

“Oh.”

He could see the unwavering worry in her eyes and so continued, “I’ve also had lousy sleep. I need to catch up. I’ll be okay.”

She looked him over and gave a small nod. “Take all the time you need. This weather’s been awful. I keep finding a new leak every couple of hours." She let out a distasteful huff and eyed the ceiling for a second. "Keep in touch though, okay? Or I will make it my business to worry about you.”

He nodded and left, getting on his bike which he’d left in the garage. But he wasn't heading home, though his body longed for sleep. He needed to see Zack.

It felt good to speedily weave around the traffic jams but Cloud's mind didn't linger on his freedom—the unspoken things from yesterday unsettled him. Zack had major issues and he didn't seem willing or wanting to face them. Cloud hated that. Truly. He had enough second-hand experience of what Zack was going through to know the man needed to deal with it and the sooner the better.

Who really knew how deeply it affected Zack? How long he'd been silently dealing with this…. That thought made Cloud's eyes sting a little and he pushed his bike harder over the slick roads.

He arrived, parked his bike, secured his helmet, and hurried inside. He gave his usual curt nods to those who expected it, and ignored any and all remarks about him coming in empty-handed. Cloud was too busy pondering what he would say to Zack to worry about the implication of being here without a delivery.

He knocked on the door, waited a fraction of a second and then went inside. Cloud was greeted by several turning heads.

“Oh, hey, Cloud! I wasn’t expecting you today,” Zack smiled, bright and alert as he peered through the small group that surrounded him.

“I’ll come back later.” Cloud made to leave.

“No, no, please stay,” a woman invited, waving him over.

Cloud eyeballed Zack, who nodded eagerly.

“Yeah, stay. This is Antonia Burr, Barret Wallace, and Trudy Alcott.” He gestured to each of the rather-fit looking individuals in turn, “They’re part of my squad.”

“Oh, so all of you were—” Intrigued, Cloud shut the door and went deeper into the room.

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