#I know that sometimes i’ve been too nervous to dm people my art and they didn’t see my post so this is to combat that for other people

[moookar]

If you ever make art and want me to see it, feel free to @ me. You don’t need a reason, it doesn’t need to be a character I know, and we don’t even need to be mutuals. I just want to see art and have people show me their art. Thank you 🙏🙏

[suckitsurveys]

Are you one of those lucky people to own a walk-in closet? Not in the apartment, no. but it’s sufficient enough. I had one in my bedroom at my dad’s that he had custom made for my sister when it was her room. It was HUGE and I never had enough stuff to fill it.

Is there a random object you own that has a huge personal significance? A lot of things. I am a sentimental person.

Do you use Google? Yes.

Would you like to go swimming right now? I’m always up for swimming.

Can you play electric guitar? Nope.

Do you have an HDTV? Yes.

When was the last time you drank something through a straw? A few minutes ago.

Have you ever tried to teach yourself a different language? No.

What do you think makes you unique from others? I don’t know.

How long was your last phone call? Just a few minutes.

Do you need to repaint your nails? Yes, they’re so chipped. I’m finally getting a mani tomorrow tho!

Has there ever been a horoscope that came true for you? Sure.

Are you a fan of industrial metal? Eh.

Are you one of those people who chew two pieces of gum, not one? I mean, if I find the piece too small, then yeah.

Do you have a wall calendar? I do. I have one at work and one in our kitchen.

Have you ever taken the pictures from a calendar and used them as posters? Yes, I have a couple from my old BoJack calendar.

Can you handle the cold? Yeah, for the most part.

Have you ever been to Canada? Yes, when I was too small to remember it.

Do you believe in superstitions? I’m just a little stitious.

When was the last time you took a taxi somewhere? I took a water taxi on the river to Chinatown and back a couple weeks ago .

Would you ever join the army, air force or navy? Nope.

How old is the person you last kissed? 39.

Is there a friend that you can always rely on to get you out of a jam? I mean, I don’t really get into “jams” that often and if I do I can usually get myself out of them.

What was the most embarrassing thing you’ve had to buy? I’m not sure. I don’t recall ever feeling embarrassed by any purchase I’ve made.

Have you ever tried to balance the light switch between off and on? Maybe when I was a kid.

Do you believe in ghosts / supernatural occurrences? Somewhat.

Have you ever mistaken a person’s gender? I'm sure it’s happened, but not where I’ve said it to their face.

What was the most expensive thing you’ve broken? My car.

Has anyone texted you yet today? Nope.

Did you stay calm during the whole swine flu scare? Yes, which is why I also didn’t initially freak out over Covid, because I thought it would be handled.

Is there a light on in the room you’re currently in? Yes.

Are your feet touching the floor? Yes.

Have you ever been in a car accident? Just a minor fender-bender.

Do you usually make back up plans? Not usually.

Can you focus well in high-stress situations? Sometimes. It depends on the situation.

Without the aid of mascara, do you have long eyelashes? Nope.

Is there a kind of music you listen to that helps you release your anger? I don’t really listen to music when I’m angry.

Are you one of those people who keep their feelings bottled up? Sometimes, around certain people.

Is one of your friends extremely odd but you love them regardless? I'm only friends with weirdos.

Is there anyone you dread going into public with? Yeah, my brother in law.

Are you a victim of writing run-on sentences? I do that on twitter sometimes just as like, a stream of consciousness.

Graffiti: an art or an act of vandalism? I have no issue with it at all.

Do you buy things online? Yes.

Are you easily frightened? Yeah.

Do you have a favorite model? Nah.

Have you ever watched Titanic? Yes.

What’s your current facebook display picture of? Me in the dells a couple weeks ago.

How about your IM display picture? I don’t really have an IM? I use Facebook messenger and twt and IG dms.

Is there anyone whose hair you envy? Not that I can think of.

Would you act in a movie if offered a role? Sure.

Does speaking in front of people make you nervous? Yeah.

Can you read in a moving vehicle or does it make you sick? I haven’t tried it in a while but it used to make me sick.

Have you ever dated someone who was extremely shy? My husband is shy, but I wouldn’t say “extremely.”

Or have you dated someone who took things too fast? Nah.

Does the idea of driving 220 mph sound exciting to you? Not that fast, no.

Everyone has a weakness, what’s yours? Food.

Do you or anyone you know have an account on Deviantart? I don’t.

Thoughts on the Dunkin Donut commercial that says “America runs on Dunkin’”? Whatever?

Do you bother buying movies on DVD anymore or do you just download them? I usually stream them.

Do you listen to Daughtry? No.

Do you get your eyebrows waxed? No.

How do you take your coffee? Iced with some sort of flavored creamer.

If you have a dog, what breed is it? -

Do you make up nicknames to refer to people you don’t like? Hah, I’ve done that.

Have you found someone who makes you unconditionally happy? Yes.

Do you have a friend who always seems to be dying their hair? I’m the friend that’s always dying their hair lol.

Would you swap names with a friend? Nah.

Do you plan on going to university? I already did.

Guys who wear muscle shirts, yes or no? I really don’t care.

Are you a fan of Carrie Underwood? I don’t hate her.

Do you make playlists on iTunes? I do on Spotify.

Have you ever forgotten someone’s birthday? It’s possible but I am usually pretty good with birthdays.

Are you scared of being left behind? No?

Do you remember your last dream? Nope.

Do you know someone who is an obsessed Star Wars fan? Yes.

Is politics something you don’t care about? I care about them in general. I like to be informed and I vote and I am passionate about issues and such, but I DO NOT want to fucking discuss them with people, even people I agree with. It’s so draining and boring.

What’s a movie/tvshow/book/series that is way overrated? Super hero movies.

Do you think Barbie presents an unhealthy image to young girls? Not so much anymore.

Is there a pet that you desperately want? I’d love a dog some day but I could also live without ever having one.

Would you ever get your bellybutton pierced? Nope.

Are you musically talented? Nope.

Have you ever shot a gun? A bb gun.

Do you have a friend that always changes their mind last second? Eh.

Are you not afraid to voice your opinion? Depends on the situation. I’ve learned to shut up around certain people because it’s just not fucking worth it.

Are you one of those people who are always pushing their limits? Nope.

Is there a word that you will always find humorous? Probably, but I can’t think of any right now.

Do you frown upon immature people? Depends on the situation and their level of immaturity.

Have you ever slipped on ice and hurt yourself? Yup.

Do you try to have an intimidating impression? No.

Living in the big city or chilling in the country? I am used to the city but I wouldn’t mind a country setting.

Do you pity women in history who had to wear corsets? Yes.

No one seems to obey the legal drinking age, do they? I’m sure there are people that do.

Do you like your country’s flag? No.

Have you ever made a totally amazing snow fort? Yup! A couple winters ago I constructed one with my nieces and it was REALLY cool.

Do you use Bounty Paper Towels? We’re a Brawny tear-a-square family.

Are you the one usually behind the camera or the one in the picture? It depends, but usually behind.

If you get married, will you have a traditional wedding? We went to City Hall and then celebrated at a waterpark lol. Neither of us likes being the center of attention, so a traditional wedding was never on our minds. It also seems like a giant waste of money and a lot of unnecessary stress to me.

Do you feel your slowly losing one of your friends? No.

If you draw, what’s one thing you always have trouble with? I don’t draw.

Is there someone you know moving away any time soon? No.

Do you ever go on Tyra.com? Nope, never heard of it.

Allergic to anything? Some medication.

How many cars have you owned? Three. Might have to get a new one soon if they can’t fix my Escape.

What are you going to do after this? Work and maybe another one.

[ransprang]

AAHHH HI I never really do this type of stuff bc I’m shy but hello! I was wondering if I could request an arcane match up? I’m demi-sexual/bi-romantic and I’m afab and currently use she/her pronouns… But I’ve been… thinking about testing out she/they… quite a lot… (but that’s not an issue, it’s an ish-me🤪)

My main love language is quality time, but I also like physical touch and acts of service. Uhhhhh my type? I guess I like people with a good sense of humour, who are passionate, and a little on the nerdy side 😁

I’m a big arts kid - I’m currently in school for theatre but I also danced for most of my life, I sing, I write, and I really enjoy painting! I also taught myself ukulele and I’m in the process of teaching myself guitar! But I also really enjoy logic puzzles and philosophical thought experiments, as well as learning about history and science! Some other hobbies of mine include playing dungeons and dragons (currently learning how to DM), playing *laid back* video-games (stardew valley, minecraft, etc.), reading, &listening to all kinds of music

It’s hard for me to think of anything I hate. other than like… Rude people? Bigotry? Existential dread? Global warming!? You know… Typical things.

I’ll keep appearance stuff brief: I’m about 5’6”, I have blue eyes&Auburn-y hair that’s a little past my shoulders (& bangs!) I have glasses but I don’t wear them as much as I probably should… (whoops) My clothing style is as eclectic as my music taste, but on my days off I can be found in comfy clothes with a blanket draped around my shoulders. I have a connective tissue disorder and chronic pain so I have to be careful with physical activity/sometimes have to wear wraps to help my joints, but usually I keep them under my clothes so I don’t worry people. My MBTI is INFP, and Im a virgo sun, pisces moon, scorpio rising (pretty good at reading people’s emotions but always nervous that I’m the root cause of their bad feelings bc my self-critical anxiety brain is mean like that). I’m pretty open about how I feel around people I’m comfortable near, although I hate crying in front of other people (I cry quite often too WHOOPS). I’m generally a pretty open/honest person, but with that I tend to trust people a little too easily and it has bitten me in the butt in the past… But it is what it is! I try to remain optimistic in most situations, and I’m a bit of a dreamer, but I also try to remain grounded in realism, so… A lot of my personality is a balancing act I guess!

Thank y’all so much, and I hope y’all are well! & Happy Holidays:)

heyyy happy holidays!! you sound really rad! hope you like your match up

your arcane match up is..........JAYCE!!

- Jayce is a busy man but he would have all the time for cuddling and kisses :3

- Jayce would fully and excitedly join your DnD games. He would also drag along Viktor and Mel. Mel would wreck your game hardcore but it might be a good learning experience as a DM!

- Jayce is nerdy and smart so he’d totally be able to compete with you in chess. You could also get him into minecraft since it's full of various elements and he's a science nerd.

- Since physical activity is a bit rough for you Jayce could pick you up and run around with his strong blacksmith muscles

yours dungeons,

admin san & sar

[bamberry]

This is not miraculous ladybug related,

(it sorta is 😀)

it’s mentioned but this is just more of heyyyyyyyy nice to meet youuuuu.

Because I’ve now realized I never really introduced myself on this blog. I kinda just appeared out of nowhere tbh.

But my blog is becoming such a big place now so I think it’s the least I can do. Some of y’all might care some of y’all might not- I’m not really going to press you on the matter.

Soooooo, my blog is Bamberry. I don’t know how or why I have this name. I seriously have no idea what I was thinking but hey, here we are. Will I ever change the name? If I ever think of a better one, maybe.

On my blog you can call me Ber/Bam, whatever you prefer tbh. Or you can call me by my real name if want. My name real is Amelie. (Or nickname which is Mel) No I’m not French but I was pleasantly surprised to finally see a character from a show that shared the same name as muah.

Alas, I still can never find my name on those keychains in gas stations 😔

My pronouns are she/her. Though I’m not particularly strict on it.

’m not shy? Sorta? I mean if you say hi I’ll say hi back and I do my best to keep conversations going. I guess I get a bit nervous and flustered. But please! I genuinely love talking to you guys. also I’m kinda hoping to make some new friends on here to talk about ml with too. Kinda have been avoiding it because I just overthink a lot lol.

I hope I don’t come off as like someone who’s aggressive on my blog- truth be told I don’t even know what vibe I give out. Do I even give a vibe out? Or does this blog feel like a robot is managing it?

So, In case you weren’t sure,(which hopefully isn’t the case but nonetheless) this is a miraculous ladybug blog. I’ve been in the fandom since the dawn of time but I never really had an entire blog dedicated to the show until recently.

This blog had started off as user friendly but at one point I said fuck it. Obviously I do restrain myself from time to time but sometimes I can’t help it.

I do blog other ships besides the love square. Either because I find it cute, the art is good, I’m supporting the artist, or because I feel like it. I don’t hate, I don’t discriminate (UNLESS YOURE SHIPPING THINGS LIKE HAWKMOTH AND MARINETTE THEN IN THAT CASE I WILL PHYSICALLY HURT YOU)

Besides that everybody’s safe here.

The more people you ship, the more you can indulge yourself in the many fics and fine works of art.

At least that’s how I see it.

Anyways.

I post spoilers. Always, All the time. This blog is not the place if you’re trying to avoid spoilers. I will post spoilers as the episode airs. I will post spoilers before the episodes airs, and I will post spoilers AFTER the episode airs. I will sometimes tag ml spoilers if I remember to in posts but other than that and the big warning in my bio, it’s all I’ll really do.

I think a good chunk of you knows that I usually post things like art, rants, theories, headcanons, literally anything and everything I think of,

Speaking of you guys, I do actually recognize my active followers and 👉👈 well I appreciate you very much. Whether you’re new follower or an older one. I love you all equally. I’d shoutout but I’m afraid I’d forget one of you and feel bad about it for the next four years. But you know who you are!

I am looking forward more interaction with y’all. Especially with the way the show be hitting us with the pain. We’re all gonna need therapy by the end of it.

:,)

That being said! If there is anything you’d like to know please don’t hesitate to ask. My dms are always opens and of course so are my asks.

[angeltrapz]

oosdkk dude im sorry ur mood dropped too.. i hope u feel better soon <3 but like i wld love 2 hear more abt ur thoughts on Art in general bc Boy Is He Interesting, and also a lil more abt Daniel coming out as nonbinary to his dad (whether he knows Eric is trans or not at that moment skjdfhdskf)! + if ur feelin it just more abt Mallick in general ESP cuz we agree that Brit doesn't make it thru V

djhfjdks thank u sm <3

okay Art first. I genuinely wonder abt him so much, something in specific I think abt is that aside frm Amanda (+ Eric, obviously, but talkin abt disciples) Art is one of the only trap victims EVER 2 be tested twice and it’s like... what’s that abt? Why? as u’ve said b4 it rly depends on how you personally view his character: whether he’s a disciple or not. fr me, both options are equally plausible, n honestly I don’t rly confine myself to either; it sorta depends on what I’m feeling/writing. if we’re talking abt art being a disciple, then the Spinecutter not going off (one of my BIGGEST questions) makes total sense, as Hoffman’s side of the trap was never set up to work either, + Jigsaw disciples have a history (aside from Lawrence) of appearing as victims in other tests/traps. if he were not just another pawn and was in fact a disciple himself, then the Spinecutter was never meant to go off - it was there just to make Eric think it COULD go off/make it look convincing to outsiders. which brings me to ANOTHER question: what does Art know abt Eric? does he know anything? what does he think of Eric?

(lil side note: if Art is a disciple, then I kinda wonder if it’s a lil bit of a Hoffman + Lawrence situation where Hoffman didn’t know abt Art either? just bc he looks so shocked when he sees Art’s face fully fr the first time... that could’ve just been acting on Hoffman’s part but IDK. food fr thought)

personally, I feel like Art probably does know a lil bit abt Eric - at the very least, he’d know tht Eric had been previously tested + failed by John’s rules, but then I feel that he wld also know Eric didn’t rly have a chance in his second test. that is why Art trying so fucking hard to keep Eric alive is interesting 2 me: what is his motivation 2 do that? like he’s been told Eric’s basically just there to get Rigg to participate, he doesn’t have any personal obligation or anything like that. sure, the aim is to keep Eric alive + see if Rigg can pass his “test,” but nobody said anything about grabbing a man you barely know around his ankles to keep him frm hanging himself w a noose made of chains. nobody said anything abt speaking to him so softly, not even raising your voice beyond saying “hey,” and asking him do you understand? when you tell him to keep still and prevent him frm killing his counterpart (which, if Art is a disciple, he knows it won’t, but he still speaks to Eric so softly, so compassionately, doesn’t he?)

nobody said anything abt grabbing him around the waist and steadying him again after being punched by said man. but Art does that. he stabilizes Eric’s feet on the ice as best he can and he keeps his hips straight and he basically says “look, we’re all stuck here, you need to keep it together ‘til that clock counts down if you want us to live, but I’m giving you a choice,” and he presses the gun w the single bullet into Eric’s hands and tells him it’s up to him. nobody said Art had to care but he does, I think, and it’s just like. he really didn’t have to keep Eric alive over the course of Rigg’s test. he didn’t. but he did and I just,, where does it come from? why does he care? this is even going beyond the fact that we’ve talked abt them being together after their test in a scenario where they both survive - I just think that Art at his core is a very stubborn but very compassionate person, whether he wants 2 be or not. like he HAS to know that kind of involvement cld prove to be extremely detrimental but he cares. I feel like that says a lot abt him (even if he does call Eric an asshole a couple times while doing it,,).

plus I also just. I think his reason for being tested (as it seems to be in most cases) is extremely flimsy. he was doing his job. he’s a LAWYER. often times it has nothing 2 do w personal feelings; they’re there to do their job and sometimes, unfortunately, that is defending possibly reprehensible people (in cases like Rex’s & Ivan’s). + John was already upset w him regarding their argument abt the urban renewal group so like it just feels So Very Petty, y’know?? even in the scenario where he IS a disciple, testing him twice seems entirely like John having a personal vendetta against him. Amanda is the only other person to be tested twice aside from Eric, so like. what. is that abt Mr. Kramer.

like I’ve said b4 in dms one could argue that Art is grey morally, bc we never rly see anything of him outside of flashbacks + acting as a test controller in IV, esp given that he... rly doesn’t seem too bothered abt it all? which is fair. but I also feel like the concern he shows towards Eric is smth to be considered as well.

-

+ YESS NONBINARY DANIEL I know I’ve mentioned it b4 but for reference, I read Daniel as masc nonbinary (he/they)! so I feel like Daniel wld b pretty comfortable w his identity, he’s never rly had a reason not to be (it’s rly anyone’s guess here tho bc we never see Eric + Daniel + Kate... as a family unit, for obvious reasons), so I feel like he’s vry chill abt it? and in the scenario where Eric survives n is dating Adam, I feel like Daniel wld talk 2 him abt it first (Adam is an adult they quickly come to trust + he’s vocal abt being trans himself so there’s that added layer of understanding - other than his mom maybe Adam might b the first person they come out 2). they’re just kinda like “so I wanna tell my dad I’m nonbinary but like I’ve literally never thought abt coming out what do I do” and Adam’s just like. Aha. bc he knows Eric is Also Trans so like, he doesn’t tell Daniel that bc it’s not his info to share, but he’s definitely like “oh it’ll totally be fine. trust me you have no reason to worry” so Daniel’s just like Okay. I Got This

+ I know I mentioned this in dms but Daniel wld absolutely wear those floral ripped hem skirts over jeans, so I feel like on one of his visits to his dad’s, he just. wears that combined w a completely random niche graphic tee he bought when shopping w Adam (I adore this hc n I am Holding Onto It) n is just like. not super open abt it bc he doesn’t know what to expect? he just kinda waits fr Eric to comment on it but when he doesn’t, Daniel gets nervous n is like “do I look okay?” and Eric’s rly chill abt it, like “yeah! it looks vry cool, vry alternative.” n like Daniel is relieved, of course, but also he’s just like God Pls Say Something so he just comes out w it like “okay this is not working. I’m nonbinary.”

and he’s COMPLETELY SHOCKED when Eric is just like “oh why didn’t u say so? do u have a different name u wanna go by? is Daniel still okay?” bc he wasn’t sure how much Eric knew, so he’s just like “uh no Daniel is still good, he/they pronouns though” and Eric’s just like alright cool but internally Daniel’s just like ??????

n THAT is when Eric asks him 2 come sit out on th front steps w him n is just like. “I don’t think I ever told u this but I’m trans. I transitioned during training in my early 20s” n Daniel is nodding while internally he’s like Adam I’m gonna throttle u. he worked himself up fr NOTHING. he just kinda laughs abt it and Eric is like “are u good?” ‘cause he’s a lil worried but then Daniel just smiles and is like “yeah I’m fine! just realizing I had nothing 2 be worried abt” and it’s a rly good moment fr them. they sit out there together talking abt their experiences for quite a while n at some point Adam steps outside 2 find them deep in conversation + he just smiles n goes back inside bc he cares abt them both so much and seeing them talk like that makes him so 💞💞 (Eric is SO PROUD u can see it on his face)

-

ohhh gosh Mallick,,, I spend a lot of time thinking abt him actually. he’s just one of those characters I feel vry connected to (me 🤝 Mallick: Ambiguous Disorder 💕) n one I got surprisingly attached to? hello (he IS one of my f/os)

I feel like Mallick is a very lonely person at his core. the way he sort of clings to Brit (w out the whole like. adrenaline of being in very very real danger w ppl trying to kill u SEVERAL TIMES) somewhat confirms this fr me. this is someone who has no reason to look out fr him, no reason to keep protecting him when their fellow captives hit him over th head w a club or attempt to push him into a bathtub to ELECTROCUTE him, but she keeps doing it and he’s just. in awe of it a little bit? ‘cause she could just let Charles knock him tf out or let Luba push him in but she fights for him, some1 she has no obligation to n met fr the first time literally when they woke up.

the moment they share b4 they stick their arms into the saws to activate the 10 Pints of Sacrifice is so very vulnerable and maybe even a little tender. yes he calls her a monster, yes she calls him one back, neither of them deny it. it’s an admission and an acceptance. they’re monsters, sure, fine, okay. but they are monsters and they are in this together. Brit tells Mallick it’s okay when he says he can’t do this alone. she says okay, okay, it’s okay, we’ll go together. and they help each other secure their tourniquets and they stick their hands in together bc it’s the two of them, literally hand in hand, fighting for their lives n for each other n they’re in so so much pain but they are doing it TOGETHER. I lose it thinking abt it!!! they even have a head bonk moment!!! I very much feel like it has some cinematic parallels to Adam & Lawrence’s moment in SAW 2004!!!!

+ as u mentioned, we both share the thought that Brit likely died since she wasn’t present at Bobby’s meetings, and. I want to touch on how fucking despondent and lost Mallick looks when we see him again in 3D. lights on but no one’s home. I feel like for Mallick, losing Brit was losing the first chance at a real connection he’s had in god knows how long - and for him, that’s just very shattering. he’s been thru hell, he’s watched three people die right in front of him, he sawed his ARM IN HALF, n the person he went through all of that with didn’t make it. but he did. and I feel like for Mallick that’s just like... he doesn’t understand it. but he feels even lonelier than he ever has b4 because the One Person who was there w him thru it all, the one person who could ever possibly understand what happened that night, is gone.

the Mallick we see in V would NEVER sit down n willingly listen to Bobby Dagen’s bullshit abt loving yr scars n taking pride in the fact u survived. he wld hate that man with a passion n I am very much sure of this. the fact that he’s sitting in that chair looking numb and glassy-eyed and silent? Mallick is trying to find some1 to connect to, find a place where maybe he belongs. trying to fill that hole that losing Brit made. why else wld he be sitting there, listening to someone he would ordinarily tell to shove his self-love bullshit up his ass? he’s lost. he’s just trying to keep his head above water and find a way to shore even though everything in him is fighting not to. he’s adrift without her.

+ ALTERNATIVELY, bc the reality of that is just. crushing n maybe not where I needed 2 go, in the scenario where Brit survived + just doesn’t want to put up w Bobby’s bullshit, I imagine them to actually move in together after a lil bit of time getting 2 know each other better w out the pressure of “oh god we’re gonna die.” she kinda helps him build up a sense of self-worth bc GOD it’s practically non-existent n thinking abt possible reasons why makes me sad. she’s definitely just like “no, you do deserve to be cared for and you deserve help when you need it, you deserve good things n to be happy.” she just kinds shuts it down while still making sure to talk 2 him abt WHY he feels that way (she’s not dismissing, but she’s trying to nip it in th bud) n Mallick is just like. huh. bc no one’s really done that fr him before. but it rly does end up helping in the long run, even if it is a very slow pace toward actually getting 2 a place where he recognizes his own worth + realizes he deserves all the things he wants Brit 2 have too. they’re there for each other thru thick n thin and if they made it thru their game, they can make it thru anything.

[bittybattybunny]

I hope your not feeling down on your writing skills because I haven't caught up and commented on your latest releases. It's not you it's that I pick too many fanfics to follow and they all update a lot and I've been so busy and I've fallen behind on so many fics from various authors and sometimes my depression just makes me want to lie in bed all day doing nothing and it doesn't help I have to spend my limited spoons helping family everyday. I know these aren't good excuses, but I do sympathize with the lack of energy feeling at least. But your work really does bring a lot of joy to my life. It's so fun keeping up with your various AUs, and your latest one that features Kaya as Spider King has me really hyped because I want to learn more about Kaya, she's so fun! And Ruclipse is such a good comfort ship that just hits all the things I like seeing in a ship. You're so amazing and creative and it's awful that anyone would try to make you feel otherwise! Like your newest OC, Justin Tyme seems like such a lovable dumbass bastard. I love his wild, curly hair and his dapper outfit. I can't wait to see what dumb shit he gets himself into! I know this is really long and rambly, but I hope you know you have fans who genuinely love your work. I don't know if you're still thinking about that one comment you mentioned that got you really down, but honestly, fuck that guy. I don't know what they said but it must have been pure BS to have you doubting your hard earned art skills. I wish I could do more to prove you're awesome and that your fans really admire you, I just hope you don't stop sharing what you love because some rando was nasty for no good reason. Because we love what you do!

It's not like anyone one person nonny so please don't blame yourself. This has been an ongoing thing for a few months actually...

it's just a general thing over all lately like. I mentioned this in dm's with a friend but overall past few months I've had lower engagement overall with my works and it really does a number on my confidence. More so because like your latter point.

yes, I am still very much thinking about that one negative comment. Because that person also has the need to comment on other things and I even had a thing asking why I took a few weeks to update (when reality I posted to another ongoing fic and my TLC chapters are long chapters) and just the fact they could tear into a character (yes it was a comment on a character specifically and not even a main character it's a side character who has an important role for Snatcher's growth as a person down the line) then go saying "why didn't you update" when I posted a double update that week---

Like it lives in my head rent free and I want to literally cry because like the character is a focal in an upcoming chapter and I can't deal with another "why are they back" type thing. because "everyone finds them annoying"

And I'll be honest. it was Kaya. Like I've been trying to have fun with my BCU stuff with her as Spiderking because it's engaging for me and me and @/doodleimprovement even came up with a b-plot involving Kaya and Hattie trying to hook Nell and Marcus together and it's one of the best things as well as Kaya and Nell having a really good relationship.

but because of that one comment it makes me hesitant to do anything with Kaya despite she's one of my oldest ocs, my most thought out ocs and I adore her beyond anything. Like yes she's over powered and such and in TLC rn she comes off as a know it all, but upcoming chapters will show she's just a spacey kid who's trying to fit into a role others decided for her and isn't really as all mighty as she seems. Snatcher even ends up thinking of her as a little sister more than anything. Like fuck I'm even hesitant to share anything on her actual story despite how much work is in it. Like she's my favorite Oc (that's why shes my discord icon, and I'm pretty sure she's my twitter icon as well)

And like the points in the comment just. IDK they didn't fit to her, if anything the points are more suited to be shot at Eclipse.

Which is another thing I just get iffy on. I love RuClipse and everything with it. I love writing and drawing the dorks. But I'm now so afraid if Kaya could be attacked for only showing in a handful of chapters that don't even touch on who she is, when is someone going to finally tell me off on my wolf? who's going to tear into a character I pour a lot of personal shit into to try and comfort myself?

I use Ruclipse to deal with my own romantic heart, they are what I wish I could have so I love to write them, I hurt them but i like to make them happy in the end. Someone who can deal with your highs and lows. No ones perfect but you can still figure it out and love even the negative parts (I am a heavy romantic OTL)

he is in fact a lovable bastard. i have fun plans and he gives me an excuse for why Cel is so tired and having to be the brain cell and how she even wound up working with the time kids when she's so much older than they are. Currently I'm trying to think of how to use him and honestly I think he's gonna wind up hella comic relief fun guy who's just making a mess and do his own side story while Hat and Bow are busy in subcon----

thank you, I don't mind the rambly it kinda gave me a chance to get this off my chest... like I've typed this kinda response up time and time again and I always delete. I feel like I'm whining because I get upset but it's just, I spend so much time making things, I use all my spoons on either working or creating, I just want to know if it means anything but then negativity lives in my head because what's a functioning meat cube??? I try to stay positive but it's hard. Like another thing is Moon Guardian; the reason I haven't updated? because I have had someone bothering me about it. weekly I get asked about how I'm doing on it but it's not from a place of "want to read it" it's because I told them they couldn't post a certain thing until the chapter is done so it feels pressuring to constantly get asked because I feel the only reason they want to post is to boost their thing and I'm just the machine to boost it with my characters and comic.... like it feels they've taken the comic from me and it sucks because I have so many fun things planned. Like I accidentally went off on Nina about a thing with Alpine skyline and Eclipse as well as a thing with a Time Rift and a Jelly ghost.

Sorry kinda went off, just I've sat on this thought train since like early april. I've done my best to ignore it and just keep going but it's gotten really hard with the fact my health hasn't been really great. I've spent a lot of time lately bed bound because I just hurt so badly. if I'm not resting, I'm at my day job which is incredibly stressful rn as I only really work mornings and I see things that are being missed so then i report it and it still gets missed and i can't get it fixed after a point cuz we're back to full service and need the people so I can't nitpick but just.... I'm bitter okay like if I left this shit when I worked I would have gotten yelled at but now we just let it slide??? and this stresses me out which then causes my body to freak out because I'm stressed which puts me in more pain. and then like at work have people acting shocked I have my cane or soemthing and just skfdslkfksdf

so my energy is so tanked. and then the negative comment in my head, no idea if people like things cuz I have no idea if I hear nothing, just has had me doubting why post. Like I should go back to just not posting my stories and sketches or w/e and slink back to my hole like I was before.

idk Its just. a bad night in the house of bun. I've had these thoughts festering and I guess today was the dam breaking. It's probs cuz I'm nervous posting Chimeras because it's a very dark au.

[riggerbison]

so i don’t make many text posts mostly because i get very nervous so i talk myself out of it and then either just submit it to my drafts or delete it all together. might happen with this too....who knows 🙈 . but if it doesn’t....yall should know my love for you is just that great that my own head couldn’t sway me from declaring it.

given my inability to use social media to be...social...i’ve never really had mutuals before this year even though i’ve had tumblr for forever. it’s also been awhile since i’ve really even participated in the true fandom experience and it’s been a ride. a ride that helped immensely during this year when a lot of things were real shitty. a lot of that help was more because of my dear mutuals that i’ve made over the year. i’ll get in my feelings about a few of them below as given that i am shy and an anxious mess i haven’t talked to all my mutuals but i do see, love, and appreciate all of you! so if you’re not mentioned please don’t take offense. and i’d love to talk to you, i’m always here if anyone ever needs anything!💛

@hidden-joy 💙 .... my mutual who has been my mutual before i got mutuals😂. liz i say it all the time but you have my heart! i truly can’t ever thank you enough for everything that you’ve brought and continue to bring to my life with your friendship. our connection via the braincell we share is one of the most comforting things i have in my life! i’m happy that in this universe we made all the right decisions that led to us being able to connect.

@tsjernobyl 💜... emma, it’s no secret how much i adore you. i’ve told you before that your my comfort blog and that still stands as i can always count on you to make me smile, laugh, think, or just blow my mind with your gifs/art. you really have one of the biggest hearts and it’s a blessing to get to see you display that on the daily. i always feel very honored to receive any of the love that you put out into the world.

@welcometo-saturn  🧡....my fellow gemini & birthday twin, you are one of my favorite people to have on my dash, in my asks, and dms. doesn’t matter where i see your url çağrı, my heart is just happy. your sense of humor always speaks to me and your music taste is supreme. i’ve loved watching your journey through your editing/giffing and i really can’t wait to see what else you’ll attack me with! i’m glad that we both decided this was the year to make some mutuals because i’m so happy to have found you. 

@luxandobscurus ​ 🎬... first off caro, you’re just one of the sweetest people around and it’s been a pleasure getting to know you through our various interactions. secondly, you’re so talented it just floors me sometimes that we’re mutuals. like to get to be a mutual with one of my favorite fanfiction writers is just wild to me. i really can’t wait to see the other au’s you have planned! also you bless my dash with one of my favorite children, so there’s no way that i cannot love you 🥰.

@zoesrobbe ✨ ....if i’m being completely honest jovana, you were my most shocking mutual addition as in, i was completely thrown off that you started following me back. only because with everyone else i think some sort of ask or something happened before they did but with you i just opened up my notifs and there you were sjsksj. i had one of those moments where i was like ‘wait...what? why? i have nothing to offer her but my silly little blog’ 🙈. but i’m also more than happy to be mutuals with you as most of the time when you reblog something especially text posts i’m like SAME. and of course your gifs, they always look so AMAZING and have provided much needed serotonin throughout the year!

@sonderthroughthestreets  💕 ....there’s a reason your tag is talented tasfia because you posses so much of it! not only do you bless us with your art, you’re also one of my favorite sobbe writers! truly just one of the most delightful people i’ve come across. and there is also the fact that i always appreciate the tags you leave on my edits, it just makes my heart all warm to know even just one person enjoys them!

@nyttvera, @mirroroferisedx  💐 🍁 ...vera & agatha i don’t want to make this as long as a book but you two also deserve love as being a part of the pack who have made my year. as a share of the goodness from my year came from our interactions in asks or tags as well as the things you created. i’m so happy to be able to call both of you sweet and talented individuals my mutuals!

other mutuals that are amazing and helped me find some serotonin this year... @sander-klaas (so talented that you inspired me to pick up writing fanfiction after years), @driesenrobbe (becca you’re the coloring master and i’m always blown away from the things you make), @kehlanies (nicole’s talk tag is always a highlight on my dash), @sanderxrobbee​ (you delivered a couple of really unique sets & i can’t thank you enough for the delightful comments on my fic), @alwayskissmeatnight & @earthlingeliott (both of you talented individuals provided me with a lot of my favorite skamfr content)

[theriverpersonshadow]

Lamia Drama Part 7

As always, the species depicted in this belong to @vex-bittys 

FINALLY TROUSLE IS HERE! >:D The only ACTUAL bitty of the bunch XD

It ends with friendship, but warning, this chapter’s kinda sad at the middle. Poor boy...

< PREV | BEGINNING | NEXT >  

         Trousle was doing circles in the Papython enclosure up from, making sure his scales were extra shiny for everyone who came to look! His armor was polished, his posing practiced, and bones an excellent shade of white! Admittedly he’d cheated a little bit and stolen some whitening toothpaste to roll around in (plus it made him smell minty!), but he had to show off the best he could with his looks!

           Because he didn’t have a voice.

           No, that wasn’t fair to say. The nice people at the shop had gotten him a little phone and speaker so people could hear him, and he had gotten positively great at the art of typing! But he couldn’t quite live up to the chirps and “Nyeh”s of his breatheren…

No, that’s silly! They’d just gotten chosen first! He’d get his time! Eventually! Sure, not many went for Papythons when they wanted a nice, quiet companion, but that just meant he had to work a little extra! Even if he had been here seventeen years already, that surely meant his time was soon! Right? Any day would be the day! It’d never be the day.

           A little girl walked up, eyes wide as she bounced on her feet. The other Papython greeted her with a chorus of “Nyehs” and curious chirps. Well, those that weren’t too busy chasing a little ball around the enclosure or “hunting” a teddy bear. Trousle himself slithered to the front as well, typing on his little keyboard until an electronic “Hello small human!”

           But it was drowned out by a chorus of the rest:

           “Nyeh!”

           “Oh! They small! I small!”

           “We’re all small!”

           “I didn’t know hair could be red!”

           “You match my tail!”

           “So so cute!”

           “Cute cute friend!”

           “Hello human!”

           That said, the little one’s eyes – big, brown eyes – were locked on him and his little keyboard. Trousle’s soul flipped in his chest and he tried again, typing into his phone. “Hello small human!”

           “Oh! She likes you?”

           “Great!”

           “Congratulations!”

           “Nyeheheh!”

           His friends, the other Papython, backed off enough to give him a little space to show off. They knew he’d been here a while, and all but the youngest (who hadn’t gotten the hint and had to be dragged away) backed off a little so he could show off. Trousle pressed to the glass, waving hello and letting out a breathy attempt at a chirp.

           “Hehehe! Mommy look! This one’s got a little computer!” The kid said. She put a hand to the glass and Trousle eagerly pressed his head and hands on the other side. “Can I say hi?” The child said, looking at her mom.

           Chris, one of the up-front workers, came over and smiled, “You’re interested in Trousle? I’m sure he’s happy to hear that, aren’t you?”

           Trousle nodded enthusiastically, trying his best to reach up out of the tank, but of course it was made specifically so they couldn’t just get out and run everywhere during the day time – briefly they had tried that model, but the Mambas complained it was unfair that some bitties could roam free and not others, and when that happened they had to give several shots of antivenom over the next month while they tracked down all the more poorly-behaved bitties; the person who decided that letting all the Mambas and Corals roam free was a good idea was chewed out by Nikolai and promptly fired, but everyone had to stay in tanks while the shop was open after that.

           The child’s mother came over and looked at Trousle. Trousle, hoping to please, puffed himself up and waved hello before rolling onto his back all cute-like, wiggling his tail. A bit infantile perhaps, but there is no harm in a bit of silliness! The little girl giggled and stuck her tongue out. Trousle flicked his out too and she giggled. So cute!

           “Which one is that?” The mom asked.

           “That’s Trousle. Would you like to hold him? He’s very friendly.”

           The mother nodded and Chris lowered his hand for Trousle to wrap around, lifting him so that the mom could hold him. Trousle wrapped around her arm – not too tight of course – in a big hug, nuzzling her hand. “Well aren’t you sweet?”

           “Oh oh oh! You’re sooooo cute! I’m Mia!” The kid, Mia, said, hopping up and down on her little feet and making grabby hands for him.

           “Can you say Mia?” The mother said in that little baby-voice.

           Trousle’s soul sank and he glanced over at his abandoned phone. He couldn’t just say no, but he literally couldn’t say anything.

           Chris came to his “rescue” by saying, “Ah… Trousle’s mute I’m afraid.”

           “Ah. Shame… Poor thing,” the mother said, something cold and disappointed in her voice. She gave that all-too familiar sigh that made his soul run cold. He tried hugging more, but she was already scanning the other Papython.            “Can we keep him?” Mia said, little curls of ginger hair bouncing.

           Trousle uncoiled, trying to reach for her, but the mother was already moving, putting him back with the rest.

           “You don’t want that one sweetie. He wouldn’t make much of a companion, being all quiet and always on that phone. Why don’t you say hi to one of the others? Or maybe the Pygmys, I’ve heard they’re playful!” There was a bit of fuss from Mia, but her mother brought her to the Pygmys, not sparing a glance back.

           “Are you alright?” Chris asked. “Sorry, but…”

           “It’s okay.” Trousle typed, even though it very much wasn’t. But it’s not like it was the first time, just the first in a while for him. He’d been so close. But no one looking for a Papython wants a quiet companion or one that’s on the phone a lot. If they want something more quiet, there are Honey-Bos, Cornies, Chains, and some of the Kings even, but not Papython. But, of course, those looking for a quiet bitty to just play games with probably couldn’t handle his levels of excitement and activity.

           But oh well. There were worse things. The shop was mostly good, and he’d been here so long it’d be absolutely weird to leave at this point.

           The other Papython gathered around him to try to cheer him up, but he just wanted to be alone after that, maybe nap for a little bit. Before he could settle in though, one of the other workers came to scoop him and his little system up, Gracie.

           “Nikolai wants you lil dude,” Gracie said. “I think they’re doing some DnD stuff? A bit of a weird time for it, but the boss man was insistent, and I ain’t gonna tell him no.”

           Nikolai belonged to the owner, but she was getting older. In her absence, Nikolai… Well, he wasn’t officially in charge, but he’d been there longest, knew how it ran, and had venomous fangs and a long, powerful tail, two traits most people wouldn’t argue against even if he’s a caring person at heart. He didn’t quite wear his heart on his sleeve, but it usually didn’t take too long for it to show through. It was more like he wore his heart on his undershirt or something – you had to go through a layer or two, but it wasn’t the best hidden.

           Trousle hid partly in her sleeve as he was brought to the back. While he was used to humans and their general size, something about being surrounded by big lamia he didn’t know was a bit nerve wracking. Nothing was sized for him back here, but his friends would never leave him behind! He just has to get to them first.

           Nikolai was sitting in the break room, sipping a hot cup of extra-spicy chai tea while Keith had a Mountain Dew next to him. Gracie sat Trousle on the table, and Keith slid a shotglass of hot chocolate with marshmallows his way.

           “Where’s Hux and Liam?” Trousle typed, head quirked to the side. If Nikolai had coffee, Keith had Mountain Dew, and he was getting hot chocolate, it was clearly a DnD day, even if it was wildly off schedule – they usually didn’t play during work hours, given that there was, well… work. Also, Keith had some player manuals on the table and his DM screen among them.

           Speak of the devil…

           “Where’s the broad?” Hux huffed as he slithered in, arms crossed.

           “Just listen a second,” Keith said… and then said nothing else.

           Trousle was, naturally, confused, and Hux visibly was too, but then he heard an unfamiliar woman’s voice: “Warlocks are one of my favorites – patrons are basically built in lore – but Druids are a mood and Martials can be fun too. Sometimes you just wanna smash stuff with a big hammer, y’know?”

           “Her voice carries,” Nikolai said.

           Keith chuckled, “She’s just excited I bet. I’m pretty sure you, Mister works with literal babies all the time, are the last person who can’t handle someone being a little loud.”

           Nikolai chuckled, rolling his eyes, “I wasn’t complaining. Just a statement.”

           “Anyways, Glitterass wants to meet her at his enclosure first. Y’know, like a drama queen,” Hux said. “He’s pretending he can’t get out still.”

           Almost in unison, Keith and Nikolai said, “We’re coming.”

           “Me too?” Trousle typed, then made “pick me up” hands.

           Nikolai lowered his arm for Trousle, “You too.”

           “I’m getting my freaking coffee,” Hux said. No doubt he’d get it with half a scoop of sugar, make a quarter of it milk, add two servings of cinnamon, and then a tablespoon of chocolate. It was his favorite.

           “C’mon then,” Keith said, leading the way with his hands tucked in his pockets like he always did when he was either nervous or excited. Trousle wasn’t sure which, but agreed with him either way.

[sidecarghost]

Suptober Day 16: Switch It Up!

Destiel Chatfic  - College!AU where Dean and Cas are both dating the same girl. Cas finds out and sends Dean an instagram direct message, and Dean gets an insta-crush on Cas.

~~

Gabriel texts Cas - 11:19 am ~~ Gabriel: Yo little bro! Cas: Hello Gabriel. Gabriel: Are you and Tessa still dating? Because I just saw her kissing this guy in the campus parking lot next to what I assume was his car. Cas: Uh yeah, are you sure it's Tessa? Gabriel: Hold on a sec. Gabriel: Yes, I just walked over and said "Hi Tessa, do you remember me Cas's brother?", and she responded "Oh yeah, hi Gabriel, how is Cas doing?" Cas: That does sound like something she would say. Gabriel: I asked her to introduce me to her friend, and she said his name was Dean Winchester. Cas: what do you want me to do with that name? Gabriel: Hell if I know, I guess fight for fair Tessa's honor? Cas: I'm sure I won't do that, but thanks for letting me know Gabriel.

~~ Later that day, Cas looks up Dean Winchester on IG and finds a likely looking profile and sends DM - 5:48 pm ~~

Cas: Hello Dean, I know you don't know me, but I think we are both dating Tessa. Dean: Welp, that explains somethings. Have you been dating Tessa long? I wasn’t sure if she was playing the field still or not. Cas: Not very long, just a few weeks. Dean: I assumed we were exclusive when Tessa asked me to be her boyfriend, so I guess it's on me for assuming. Cas: Um ok, I just thought letting you know was the right thing. But if you’re upset I understand. Dean: S'okay Cas, you seem cool, and I'm happy I'm getting to know you. Cas: Um, thanks you seem cool too. Dean: Can I call you my boyfriend-in-law? Cas: Well, I was going to break up with Tessa after confirming this with you. Dean: If that is the case, can I call you my boyfriend? Cas: Huh? Dean: Confession time. Since you sent me a dm, I started stalking your IG account, and you look all kinds of hot. I kind of understand why I was being cheated on now. Cas: Uh, that is flattering... I think. Dean: Hold on, I'll break up with Tessa first. Cas: Wait, what? I just wanted to give you a heads up about Tessa, and I'm not sure what is going on in this convo anymore.

~~ Dean texts Tessa - 5:52 pm ~~ Dean: Sorry to break up with you over text, but this is a life & death emergency.  Dean: Btw, the painting of Baby you made for your art course is awesome! I saw it in campus center. Tessa: Oh wow, I hope everything is okay or that it will be.  Tessa: No worries about the break up, I think we are better as friends.  Tessa: And I'm glad you like the Baby painting! ~~

Dean: Okay done, do you like pie? Cas: Um... pie is okay. Dean: Seriously? You like pie? I knew I was in love with you! Cas: I am not sure if you are kidding or serious. Dean: Sorry! I tend to ramble when I'm excited. Want me to pick you up for a date later? We can get pie at this diner I know. Cas: Sure, I'd like that Dean. Dean: Okay, text me where you want me to pick you up at 7pm. I'll be driving a black 67 Chevy Impala. Cas: Okay, I think I saw pics of that car on your feed when I was trying to find you on IG. Dean: What did you think of her? Cas: Her? Dean: Yeah, I tend to think of my Impala as female. Have you ever watched this really old tv show Knight Rider? Cas: Sorry, I don’t think I’ve heard of it. Dean: No worries, I have the box set on Blu Ray. We can watch together some time if you’d like. But I brought up because it’s about this guy that solves mysteries with his talking Pontiac Trans Am “KITT.” Cas: Oh, that’s an interesting premise for a tv show. Dean: Ikr! Anyway, so that’s me and my car, Baby, too. If she had a voice box, she would totally help me solve mysteries. Cas: Like the mystery machine? Dean: asdfasfasgwe You like Scooby doo?!? Cas: Well, I watched some when I was little. And I think I remember the gist of it. Dean: Scooby Doo was my show growing up!! And yeah, Baby is like that. A lot of things just get thrown away when they wear out. But some things transcend the mundane, and throwing them away would be like losing something divine. Cas: Uh, she sounds really special Dean. I’m looking forward to meeting you and her later then. Dean: Ok, Baby and I will show you a good time! Cas: Sounds good, bye Dean. Dean: ttyl Cas!

~~

Cas texts Tessa - 6:13 pm ~~ Cas: Hello Tessa, I don't think we are right for each other, but I hope we can still be friends. Tessa: Oof, the other guy I was seeing just broke up with me over text too. I'm having a rough day. Cas: Was it Dean? Tessa: Yeah, he seemed nice. I wasn't sure how interested in me he was though, he mostly wanted to talk about his car, little brother, and classic movies. Cas: Actually, I met Dean because I found out we were both dating you. So I let him know, because it felt like the right thing to do. Tessa: Oh, it hadn't occurred to me that I was serious enough with either of you to talk about being exclusive. Sorry if I hurt you or Dean's feelings. Cas: I was a little hurt, but Dean seemed okay about it. Tessa: I'm sorry Cas! You are a very sweet guy, and I hope you find someone that doesn't hurt your heart. And I'd be happy to still be friends if the offer stands. Cas: Thanks I do want to be friends, and as for finding someone, well I actually have a date with Dean tonight.  Tessa: Omg! I'm so excited for the two of you! My advice, wear your blue henley and skip the trench coat. Cas: I've never gone on a date with a guy before, so I'm feeling kind of nervous. And also, I’ve never gone a date with someone I hadn’t met in person already. This is definitely a little overwhelming. Tessa: I think you'll be fine Cas. Dean is a nice guy, and if things get too silent and awkward just ask him about his car, brother, or favorite movies. Cas: Dean did tell me about his car a bit already, and it was pretty touching how much she meant to him.  Tessa: Yeah, Dean has a huge heart. I feel like once he loves someone, Dean would wage war against Heaven or Hell to protect them. Baby is definitely part of his family, and while a lot of people tend to take things for granted, Dean is more likely to show reverence for the things that have held him together. Cas: That sounds almost spiritual. Tessa: Spiritual is a good way to describe it. Also, Dean does tend to be all highs and lows, like he either loves something or he hates it. There is really not much middle ground. You seem a lot more level-headed Cas, tbh I think you and Dean are perfect complements for each other.  Cas: Well, we haven’t even been on a date yet. Tessa: Haha, I know. I’m just being sap ig. But I have good feeling about you guys.  Cas: Thanks Tessa, I appreciate it. Tessa: Anytime hun! And I have been seeing this girl, Charlie, maybe we can all go out on a double date sometime. Cas: You were seeing three people? Tessa: yeah, and I should tell Charlie I was seeing some other people, and I'd like to just commit to her. I really like her Cas, and I don't want to ruin it. I think she knows, but I also thought you and Dean knew so I should be more upfront. Cas: Yeah, that's a good idea. And maybe we can all go out some time in the future. Tessa: Yay! I'd like that. Let me know how DeanCas goes tonight. Cas: Ok, I've got to go get ready. Tessa: Later hun!

~~ Tessa texts Charlie - 6:26 pm ~~

Tessa: I really like you, do you want to be exclusive? Charlie: Did the guys you were dating break up with you? Tessa: Lol yes, but it saved me trouble of breaking up with them. And actually they kind of found each other through me, so I'm feeling like their fairy godmother or something. Charlie: omfg! I'm imagining you as a fairy godmother now, and that image is burned in my brain. Tessa: Lol it is pretty funny, and I think Dean and Cas would hate me forever for even saying that. Charlie: Don’t worry I will keep your role as their fairy godmother secret. Tessa: So, you didn't answer my question... Charlie: Sorry, Tessa. I really like you too. But I'm not ready to commit to a serious relationship yet. Can we keep dating each other and other people for a little longer and keep it casual? Tessa: Sure, but when you are ready let me know! Charlie: Ofc, darling! Tessa: Also, Cas and I chatted about four of us going on double date in future. They are both nice guys, what do you think? Charlie: Sure, maybe we can recruit them for LARP. Tessa: Don't worry my queen. I will get them recruited to follow your flag. Charlie: I knew my fairy godmother wouldn't let me down. Tessa: Ofc, not even remotely possible for me to ever let you down, my queen.

~~ Dean texts Sam 6:35pm ~~

Dean: Sammy, remember the girl Tessa I was dating? Sam: yeah, you were forcing her to watch an Indiana Jones marathon with you last weekend. Dean: "forcing" seems like a strong word, everyone loves Indiana Jones. Sam: sure they do Dean. Dean: Anyway, we broke up. Sam: oh, sorry man Dean: No worries Samantha, I've got a date with her other boyfriend, Cas. I’m actually getting ready to pick him up in just a minute. Sam: oh, good for you then Dean: I'm kind of nervous tho, I was stalking his ig, and even though he's really hot I don't think we have much in common. Sam: well, they say opposites attract. Dean: He posts math and physics joke memes. Sam: so what? Dean: I don't know any good math or physics jokes. Sam: Don't bother picking up a bunch of lame jokes. I think this guy would rather get to know the real you. Dean: Well, I did ramble a bit about Baby earlier when we started messaging. Sam: And he still wants a date with you? He sounds like a keeper Dean. Dean: What do you mean? Everyone loves Baby. I gotta text you a pic of this painting Tessa made. Baby looks so badass. Sam: Okay,  well try not to only talk about Baby with Cas. Try to learn about him and open up about yourself too. You keep saying your tired of casual flings, but if you don’t let people in that will be all you ever get. Dean: Ugh, I'm a mess. Getting to know the real me is a really great way to scare anyone off. Sam: hey, I'm still here. Dean: yeah, you're my brother. You are stuck with me no matter how much of a dumpster fire I become. Sam: you're not a dumpster fire. just don't overthink it. do you want me to ask Jess out tonight so we can double date? Dean: no, I can do this, showing up to a first date with my little brother as chaperone would be weird. Sam: it's only weird if you let it be Dean: well, I'm not letting it be Sam: ok, whatever Dean: later moose Sam: drop dead squirrel

[jidai]

jidai’s budget mutuals/friends appreciation

Hi, all! I’m quite late with this but I decided to put a small friends and mutual appreciations post in hopes of brightening up the end of this year a little bit. ❤️ If you were tagged, please make sure to check below for a small little message from me. However, I want to make it very clear that I truly appreciate all of my mutuals. You guys brighten up my dash and always reblog or create so many funny and creative posts. I just wanted to give a few special shout outs to those that have taken out the time to reach out and interacted with me past my ask box or we just see each other often.

The messages are ordered by your URL, so you might have to scroll for awhile before you see your messages. I’m so sorry lmao. 

Happy New Years, everyone!

@25th​​, Nonnie, the Young Genius. bro, remind me how old you are 🧍‍♀️ Like my brain CANNOT fathom the thought that you’re so skilled at SO many things and you’re not even in your twenties??? PLEASE SPARE THE TALENT. i will even accept crumbs. But I’m writing to tell you that you are such a wonderful presence on my dash. I always look forward to your gfx. They’re so SO good and you’re improving from one post to another. Like WOW. Now, you’re even starting an art blog, too? You’re so dedicated to the arts. I respect that a lot. Your hard work and commitment will bring you very far in life, whatever you decide to do. 

I love interacting with you. You’re such a big sweetheart and full of positivity and energy. I look forward to seeing more of your art and gfx ❤️

@biscuitwalk​, Dann, the AK Wiz. Dann, I know you’re not as active on here so idk when or if you will ever read this but I want to say that I miss you and your creations so, so much. I will say it a hundred times over and OVER but you inspire me so goddamn much. You have no fucking idea. Your works are absolutely gorgeous and unique. I can look at it once and I can instantly recognize your style (and your cute lil’ pufferfish <3). The way you utilize colors and implement various techniques, shapes, textures into your work. Goddamn, you’re so good. I always look to your work if I ever need inspiration and they help me brainstorm. God, I wish I could put it into words how much I adore your works.

We didn’t really talk for long but you seemed like such a kind and fun person to be around. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, wherever you are. Stay safe <3

@elriccs, Mirai, the Short King. 🧍‍♀️ ok look I know, I know I’m TERRIBLE at replying to you and I’m so fucking sorry. I absolutely love to talk to you but my dumbass cannot seem to reply in a timely manner LASELKSAL. That’s on me and I gotta do better. Anyways!!! Thank you SO fucking much for always leaving such kind messages on my work. I swear to god you’re one of my biggest hype man and I ALWAYS look forward to reading your tags. They’re so funny and it makes me all tingly and happy inside. Bro, like, you just radiate big fun vibes, bro. I really hope that I can get to know you better so I can just insult you until it’s too late to walk away </3

And of course, let me also remind you that I love your works so much. They way that you utilize your textures and those muted colors... OOMPH *chefs kiss* I will always love--

@lockhvrts​​, Em the Soulsborne GOD. hi em 🥺 it’s been awhile since I’ve had a proper conversation with you and I hope you’re doing okay! I miss you and our conversations where we do nothing but geek out and complain about the game industry lmao. if you manage to read this, I just wanted to let you know I miss your presence here. It’s been kinda dull not seeing your beautiful soulsborne gifs and your game rants. Let’s catch up soon. <3 stay safe and well!

@nathanprescutt, Benn, the Man. BENNNNNNNN.  I love you a lot bro. I know we haven’t had long conversations for some time and I hope I can change that! You were my first friend on this blog and I will always appreciate it. I remember us just geeking out over your works and how I would always send you a gfx request like once a week LMAO. The one thing that I have always appreciated about you was the fact that you’re very opinionated (if not, very vocal on your stance on things) and you hold your ground. There were a few time where you encouraged me to speak on topics that I think I shouldn’t and that stuck with me for quite awhile. I’m still a nervous rambling mess when it comes to debates but just know that the one time you supported me to voice my opinion--I hold it very dear to my heart. 

While I don’t spend much time together, I will always remember our animal crossing session. It was  so much fun just trashing and chilling on your island. Especially the bar :( that bar was fucking AMAZING. Maybe once FFXVI comes out, we can geek out hehe

Also, thank you so much for sending in photos of all your doggos, omg. I miss seeing them so much I hope they’re doing well. Stay hot, my German bro lol. Ich bin sehr dankbar, so eine tolle Freundin zu haben. ❤️❤️❤️

@noxdivina​, Lin the Big Dick Daddy Kind. The church is open for business bitch and I’m here to preach the GOSPEL.

Okay, jokes aside, I’m really happy that we became mutuals. You’ve always give off this like, mysterious cosmic vibe (????? huh). And your selfies just further proves that you are wtf. But you’re always so kind to those that you interact with. You’re an absolutely sweetheart and like I just want to give you a giant hug every time we interact. You’re such a soft human being. It’s so nice being around you. It’s like being tossed in the oven and baked at 250 degrees F for 25 minutes. And to boot you’re really talented, hello? God really said let there be a perfect human being and yeeted you into the universe. Thank you for always leaving such kind messages and words in my DM/askbox/works. I cherish them so much. I hope I can get to know you better in the future bc you’re rad, bro <3

anyways, updated drawing of u and maya:

i always assume you’re in a black fur parka 24/7 and maya is coatless neck down. also deck me with those jacked arms of yours thanks  🧍‍♀️

(edit: fuck i forgot to draw a PARTY HAT ON MAYA IM SORRY)

@rokuseis​, Sei, the Dumber.

i have nothing to say to you go away you banana hater ASELKSAEKL

BITCH, you doo bee getting on my nerve 24/7/365 🧍‍♀️ you were an unexpected but a very welcomed addition to my life. I can’t believe we really went 1 fuckin’ year without speaking to each other and then suddenly our friendship blew up because over a stupid BANANA. Now you gotta deal with me and my stupid, random, crude ass messages daily. I cannot. Clown to clown communication. But thank you so much bitch for being there for me and telling all of these funny ass stories and life experiences.

I know I don’t say it a lot because when we talk it’s literally just dogs barking at each other but I want to make it clear now: I love your humor and vibe so much. You never fail to make me laugh anytime I talk to you and I appreciate it so much. I can’t tell you how many times I felt better after talking to you. Even though sometimes your fucking jab hits hard and I end up actually inSULTED BY IT. But thank you for becoming my friend and I look forward to all of our stupid moments together. Looking forward to shitting in your sink when I finally fly to your home <3

@wolfamongthem, Anna, the Grinch. Please don’t hurt me for that title. I'm just saying if someone needs a live casting, it’ll be u. Anyways, did you know that I was so fucking intimidated by you for a long ass time, even before we became mutuals aseljas LMAO. I always see your gifs around on explore and they’re so gorgeous and then I look at your text posts and it’s u roasting people like there’s no tomorrow- 🧍‍♀️ bitch I was SCARED OF U KSKS. Now that I’ve talked to you a few times, you’re really funny like where do you find those reaction memes????? Like bro you and your shitposts is my morning cup of coffee. 

Anyways, in 2021 I expect a full-fledge review of all AAA games from you-- no more shit talking in the tags let it all out BITCH. Thank you for being such a great mutual! I look forward to see what weird shit you will send me the next time we talk lmao

@zenien​​, Selm, the I’m-gay-for-Lady-Maria-or-anything-that-moves-in-BB-Bitch™. ok bitch if I’m being honest I wrote yours last so my brain is FRIED. so everything i say from here is raw from the HEARt cause that’s all I got left. But anyhow, we savin’ the best for last! honestly, i didn’t expect you to barge into my life like that. i really didn’t. i was just gonna keep admiring with my 7 feet (2.1336 meters) pole. I’m glad you made the first move because look where we are wtf 🧍‍♀️ friends??? I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that in 2014 when I first followed you lmao. 

You’re such a kind soul. I know you may disagree but I’m determined to convince you. I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me during my rough bits. It’s like sitting on a wooden bench in a park during sunset and you sit next to me, just enjoying the vast sky. You radiate such peaceful energy. It’s very calming. Or you know, 2 seconds later i’m suddenly suplexed by your 40 tons of insults like what-- 

Thank you for everything, so far. Truly. It’s been so fun listening to you talk about your Bloodborne journey and see your reactions live. It’s been so fun to see you post your graphics and it continues to blow me away. It’s been so fun hearing about your life and the stories of your adulthood. Every words that we have exchanged, I hold dearly to my heart--more than you ever know. Love u bitch.

[skrltwtch]

Muse

Prompt 1: Just like some people sleep-walk, you tend to paint or draw while in your transformed state because it calms you down. And apparently, people really like your art.

Prompt 2: A is a popular artist, and B messages them without thinking one day. They didn’t expect to become friends, and they definitely didn’t expect to become more. Person B just felt that connection between the two of them.

Prompt 3: A/Werewolf has a tendency to curl like a dog in front of the fireplace a lot (usually in their werewolf form, but it’s not uncommon for them to do it as a human). (Sources in master list)

Word count: 3,721 words

Genre: Fluff, romance, supernatural

∘₊✧──────✧₊��

I put up with the long commute to and fro between home and work for two reasons, and two reasons alone: the decent rent for a place with a picturesque view and that catered to my monthly needs, and the glut of time to catch up on my reading. And by ‘reading’, I meant ‘scrolling through the handful of social media feeds that survived my latest cull of shit that was taking up my time and storage space unnecessarily, and occasionally attempting (and failing) to pay attention to my Kindle’. Hey, at least I was aware I had a problem …?

Instagram was my first hit of the day. I flicked past images of makeup, friends in situations I wouldn’t be finding myself in anytime soon, and cute animals. The occasional meme and comic draw out an exhalation of air from my nostrils. I marvelled at artwork and photography, half wishing I were half as good as the people I followed and admired, half chiding myself for not practising either enough and losing interest quicker than I’d dropped money on new equipment in the name of my new endeavours. You could say one of my hobbies, the ones I’d been consistent about, was amassing gadgets obtained to indulge my whims and fancies.

My heart skipped a beat — or was it the pothole the bus went over? — when I came across a new post by George. I didn’t know him personally to refer to him by his first name like that, but hadn’t social media broken down boundaries between people, making them seem closer to each other than they really were? He was an illustrator whose work I chanced upon on Reddit a while back. His portfolio was a patchwork of subjects, often portraits, rendered mostly in traditional media like watercolour and oil paint. He sometimes shook things up with abstract, contemplative pieces. He had something for almost everyone. For me, it was his attractive, angular yet distinctive faces and statuesque figures, use of watercolour, and versatility: one piece could be superhero fanart, followed by a collection of moody, atmospheric paintings of the English landscape with some fantastical additions.

It also helped that he seemed to be a nice, chill person, and a handsome one at that, too, based on the smattering of pictures he had of himself on his feed. Please, let me imagine a world in which someone as ideal as him — or what I knew about him — wasn’t beholden to anyone for a moment.

His latest post was a drippy bust of a snarling wolf with full moons for eyes. The caption simply read: ‘Mood.’ I smirked as I hit the like button. Did I mention that he drew wolves a lot as well? Sometimes his wolves were feral; sometimes they were humanoid, but still wild. The latter featured heavily in his conceptual works, albeit as hazy, indistinct forms, like blurry photographs. In any case, I liked that he had a fondness for wolves and werewolves, as the constant presence of the full moon in art of the latter would suggest. Anyone who liked wolves was a-okay in my book. Anyone who liked werewolves was even more so. Because.

An interrupted connection between my brain and my reflexes led me to visit his profile. Instead of returning to my feed, my thumb gravitated toward the message button at the top of the screen. Not a single cell in my body resisted this turn of events despite the restored connection. Oh, what the hell. Why not? Like, what were the chances he’d read my message? He had tens of thousands of followers, a likely considerable chunk of them being bots aside. He must receive DMs every other minute. I’d be another sycophant in his sea of fans. Or he’d see my homely mug and locked profile, and he’d think I was driven to add to his never-ending count of unread messages simply out of misguided thirst.

The beauty of the Internet was that it made ‘out of sight, out of mind’ fairly easy to put into practice.

I got the following out of my system and into his inbox: ’Hi! Hope you’re doing well. I’ve been following your Instagram for a while, and your latest post just made me want to say your art is amazing. (I can totally identify with the sentiment behind it.) I especially love your more abstract pieces. There’s something so … raw about them. And I like that you seem to like wolves a lot, too. They’re beautiful animals, and your art really captures that about them. Anyway, keep up the great work! Take care.’

I exited Instagram, not caring about the rest of my feed anymore and not wanting to feel like I was stalking my notifications for something that’d never come. My phone buzzed with several notifications as I went down my Reddit homepage. I swiped away the banners with green icons that pelted the top of my screen. Those could wait. What couldn’t were the banners stating that I had a new message and a new follower request from —

‘Oh, my God!’ I said, loudly enough for me to hear my own voice above my music (the chorus of Walk the Moon’s ‘Shut Up and Dance’ at half of maximum volume, so … loud). Not one soul on this lightly populated bus acknowledged my exclamation — not even the woman sitting next to me. (Come on, lady, the front was mostly empty.) Thank God for technology making hermits of us all. Or my sudden outburst paled in comparison to the shit that could happen and had happened on public transport. When you took long journeys as I did every day, you’d see some real shit in due time, too.

I launched Instagram for the second time this morning (stop judging, Screen Time) and the first time ever with trembling hands. The notifications were real. I approved his request first. My mind raced to recollect anything on my profile that might make him regret his decision to let my piddling photos of food, myself, my cat, and random junk take up precious space on his feed. Nope, couldn’t think about that now, because I was now staring at an actual, honest-to-God message from George:

’Hey! Thanks for reaching out, and thank you for your kind comments. They mean a lot to me, especially what you said about my experimental stuff and wolves. They are stunning creatures, aren’t they? And yeah, I drew that last picture after a particularly rough night. You could call it a self-portrait of sorts, I suppose.’

I snorted. Change the fur colour and make the eyes normal, and it was a portrait of myself every full moon. Okay, not something I could tell someone I just met, let alone a popular artist on the Internet …

Before I could recover from the shock that my inbox held an actual, honest-to-God message from George Holden (that was his last name — the oxygen made it to my brain for me to remember that he had his last name on his profile), he sent another one: ’Anyway, how are you? I took a look at your profile, and it looks like we have quite a number of things in common.’

What, really? No way. Was it the lashings of sweet treats I subjected my stomach to every weekend? The horror and science fiction titles, celebrity memoirs, and comics, sometimes paired with an iced coffee at either a café I put down roots for the afternoon or the one-bedroom house in Waltham Forest I called home, I showcased to put forth some form of air of intellectualism? The cross-stitch projects featuring memes and popular culture icons? His profile was quite barren of anything that could provide insight into what else he enjoyed doing besides his art. Which, hey, was perfectly fine: no one was obligated to share their personal life online.

I replied, ’I’m fine, thank you. I’m on my way to work. Favourite part of my day, really. And really? Like what?’

Most of my notifications that day were from him.

✦✧✦✧

I was a bustling hub of activity in my seat: A sip of my drink. A shake of my knee. A lift of my phone. A turn of my neck. A shift of my weight from one butt cheek to the other. I was certain I was generating enough electricity to power a lightbulb in five-second intervals. I couldn’t help it. I was so, so excited — and so, so nervous. This was my and George’s first time meeting each other in person. There’d be no screen between us. Actually, what difference would that make? We’d been talking to each other for months, either through text or video calls, the latter more common in the weeks leading up to today. We’d seen each other even on our ‘I’ll put on a clean shirt, brush my hair, and hope for the best’ days. What could either one of us do in person that would irrevocably alter our friendship for the worse? Well …

The sound of someone entering the café stopped me from starting on a list of things that I could do to fuck things up. I looked up, probably the seventh time I did so in the last ten minutes. This was on me. I grossly overestimated the amount of time it’d take me to get somewhere as usual; a natural by-product of living far from the city. Seventh — probably — time was the charm: it was George — and right on the dot, too. His punctuality added to his attractiveness, which had already gone through the roof and was heading straight into the stratosphere. I bit my lip to suppress any unfortunate exclamations. He was a friend, Evelyn … just a friend, and I had no illusions otherwise.

I called out to him. He waved at me and joined me at the table I picked out for us. And the second our eyes met, devoid of any barrier between us, everything about him — and everything about us — clicked.

He was just like me.

And I was just like him.

And he was as astonished about it as I was, going by the long silence that passed between us, a first since we got to know each other.

‘Hi! Oh, my God, it’s so good to finally meet you!’ I said with a grin to break the tension. He broke out into a smile, his posture relaxing. Success. Should I go in for a handshake? No, that’d be too stuffy for a months-old friendship. A hug? No, that’d be too intimate for a months-old friendship, and an online one, too, no less. Was it obvious this was my first time meeting someone I met online?

‘It’s good to meet you, too,’ he said, his expression of cheer unabating. ‘I’m going to get myself a drink first, and then we can shoot the shit.’ His smile turned into a grin. ‘Do you want anything? My treat,’ he added as he spotted me reaching for my wallet.

‘I was thinking a red velvet muffin, please.’ I didn’t know why I didn’t get one earlier. ‘Thank you.’

‘No problem. I’ll be right back.’

As he left, my nerves turned into happiness that I met another werewolf. It was rare to meet other werewolves just about anywhere. What were the odds that two werewolves, one of whom was Internet-famous, would become friends because the other one had a brain fart one morning to send a message to the Internet-famous one? You couldn’t make this shit up. In all the years I’d been a werewolf, George was the first one I knew. I didn’t even know the one that turned me. I got bitten one night, and that was my life changed forever. I figured everything out on my own — I had to. And my puny social network of werewolves made sense: this wasn’t exactly the kind of thing anyone would advertise about themselves.

Once George settled down and courtesies were out of the way, the first thing out of his mouth was ‘I never thought I’d meet another one like me’.

I moved my chair closer to him so that we could speak at length about what we were without the fear of being overheard. ‘Me neither.’ Then it hit me, and I quickly said, ‘It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it, though.’ Personally, I was okay with what I was. No existential dread here, contrary to what one might expect of a werewolf. It happened. I learnt to manage it in a way that made it not have any kind of significant impact on my life. I refused to let it define me. And honestly, I lived for particularly bad days that coincided with full moons.

‘Are you kidding me?’ His face lit up with boyish glee. ‘I’ve been waiting for this day for so long! As in, us meeting up in person for the first time and me getting to know another werewolf. Two birds, one stone: the only kind of killing I endorse. And I’m so fucking chuffed it’s you. I always felt like I could talk to you about anything, and now that really, really means anything.’ It was his turn to be able to power a light bulb, but in twenty-second intervals this time.

‘Same. How were you turned?’

‘I was bitten during a camping trip with friends a couple of years back. You?’

‘Secondary school. I was walking home from the library.’

‘Shit, that was some time ago, huh?’

‘Almost half my life a werewolf.’

‘Do you know the werewolf that did it?’

‘Nope. How about you?’

He shook his head. ‘Nah. Kind of sucks, doesn’t it, that you’ll never get to know the person who’s changed your life so … deeply? They won’t remember either that they turned someone. If only having kids was like that, yeah? Absolutely no sense of responsibility whatsoever.’ He gave his teaspoon a lazy twirl, causing a faint plume of milk to rise and sink into the dark, bittersweet depths from whence it came. ‘I struggled with what I’d become the first couple of months. The transformations were one thing.’ Oh, yeah. ‘I felt … grotesque. God, the amount of self-pity, like, why was I the only one who had to go through this every month when there were four other guys ripe for the picking? So, I decided to start incorporating wolves in my art to get to know and reclaim that part of me. I didn’t want to see it as something ugly. I mean, you get to experience a kind of rebirth every month. That’s extraordinary if you think about it. And I told myself that like myself, the wolf didn’t ask to be born. Ha, ha. Millennial humour. Anyway. Then the most miraculous thing happened one full moon: I woke up next to a coherent painting that wasn’t there the night before.’

‘Oh, my God.’

‘Right? My more artsy stuff? The ones I hate coming up with captions for? Almost all done while I was transformed. I’d started some of my art — bet you can’t guess which one — on full moons, too, and I finished them after I changed back. It’s as if the wolf knew we were now cool with each other.’ He took a big chunk out of his apple crumble and jammed it into his mouth. ‘Sorry if that sounded like spiritual woo-woo. I’ve been wanting to tell someone about this forever.’ Crumbs fell out of his mouth as he spoke. ‘Shit, I’m such an’ — he shot me an impish look as he swallowed — ‘animal, aren’t I? Fuck, I can make stupid references like that now, and someone would get it!’

I laughed. He was such a dork. ‘It’s not “spiritual woo-woo”. It’s amazing. How is that even possible?’

‘I have no idea.’ He held out his hands in front of him. ‘So thankful we get to keep our hands and not have them turn into paws.’ He waggled his thumbs. ‘Fuck, yeah, opposable thumbs. And I want to say it’s like when artists get high and make stuff. I do know artists who do that, and hey, no judgment. To them, I do the same thing, too.’

‘And here I am, feeling accomplished whenever I make it through another full moon without waking up in a trashed place. Seriously, that’s amazing.’

‘I think that’s what’s keeping me from losing it while transformed. I was surprised people liked those pieces when I started posting them, considering they’re such far departures from what I usually post.’

‘That explains why they’re so … visceral.’

‘Yeah? I figure you’d appreciate them even more now.’ He smirked. ‘And you know, no one really talks about my wolf art, and especially my werewolf pieces. Maybe if I didn’t make them blurry and made them more explicit …’ Oh, he’d get a different breed of followers altogether. ‘But that’s fine. I don’t want my lycanthropy to define me and my work. It’s just a part of who I am.’

‘My turn to say something possibly corny: I like your wolf art because … they make me feel seen, because they’re drawn by you.’

He put a hand on his chest. ‘That’s not corny. I’m happy my art makes you feel that way. You know I don’t care about the likes or comments. It just so happens I like drawing things that make me get likes and comments.’ He pushed his plate toward me and motioned at me with his fork to try some of his apple crumble. I obliged him. ‘Did you ever suspect anything? Not that, you know, I purposely drew wolves and werewolves as a kind of signal for other werewolves to pick up on. That’d be giving me way too much credit.’

‘No, I just thought you like wolves a lot.’

‘Same here. What you said about wolves being beautiful creatures when you messaged me the first time … that made me feel something, too.’

‘Then I’m very glad we got to be friends,’ I said. Born from the same blip in brain activity that set us on this path, my hand found itself on top of his. His touch had a pleasant, almost familiar heat to it.

‘Me too.’ He turned his hand over and clasped mine.

‘I have an idea,’ I said, mostly to distract myself from how right this felt. ‘Do you want to meet on the next full moon?’

‘Sure. I can’t wait to see what kind of inspiration will strike with another werewolf around.’

‘Your place, then?’

He nodded. ‘Unless you’re cool with me possibly trashing your place with paint and stuff. That hasn’t happened before, but who knows? What if wolf-me doesn’t like change?’

I stared at him in disbelief.

‘I can’t help it. You have no idea what kind of beast this has unleashed. Oops.’

We sat and talked in the café the entire afternoon; we took turns treating each other to food and drinks to justify our occupancy. Our conversation moved on to other topics besides the one special, biggest thing we had in common. Just like we didn’t want it to define who we were as people, we made a promise to each other, and we did so over a strawberry custard tart, that we wouldn’t let it become the foundation of our friendship from this point on. It’d be unfair to the moments we shared before this. We were friends because we cared about each other, we brought out the best in each other, we could truly be ourselves around each other, and, honestly, I didn’t think anyone else would have the patience for his goofy in-jokes.

✦✧✦✧

I lay in front of the fireplace, rejoicing in the warmth it offered on this cool night, while George was working on his newest painting. Since getting to know each other in these forms, we’d been able to exercise better control. For me, that meant greater peace of mind; for him, that meant a more refined grasp of his artistic sensibilities. As with much about our condition, we didn’t question this. What could possibly be a drawback of us spending more time in each other’s company? I now understood why animals curled up by a fire was a common sight in media and real life, too. Wait, what if this, and not George’s presence, was what I’d been missing all my life?

My tail wagging like a fiend when I felt his breath on my skin begged to differ. I licked his face. He gently parted my lips and slid his tongue onto mine. Our tongues engaged each other in a playful scuffle; the fire crackling in the background could only dream of coming close to causing the rise in temperature in the pit of my stomach. The tussle between our tongues didn’t get to turn into something more: he’d had a long night. I nuzzled him to convey reassurance. He lay down beside me and wrapped his arms around me, his hold firm yet tender. We fell asleep like this, keeping each other warm long even after the fire had died out.

We wished each other a good morning with a kiss — no, two kisses, and we got ourselves ready for the day. As we were having breakfast, George piped up, ‘Do you want to see what I painted last night, love? I’m really proud of it, and I think you’d love it, too.’

I nodded excitedly, my mouth too full of scrambled egg to speak.

He returned as quickly as he’d left the table. His hands held on to a painting … of me curled up by the fire last night. The figure was the clearest, most detailed he’d ever done; the lighting was phenomenal. ‘It’s beautiful,’ I said, tearing up a little, frankly. ‘I love it. It’s going to look so good in our new place’, along with the recent paintings he’d made of a similar nature. He’d come so far from the gauzy forms that once populated his attempts at capturing his — our — condition on canvas.

‘Of course, when I have the most stunning model.’ He gave me a peck on the cheek. ‘I love you, my muse, my mate.’

[unproduciblesmackdown]

The opposite of your last post for the ask meme! Like 1, 5, 9..

thank you lol sorry it took me a minute to get to posting these answers......i also skipped a couple that got asked previously via answering all primes lol

1: What inspires you?

hm well just basic stuff like “being in a good mood” lol or “being hyped up by friends” or “having reason to be particularly excited about something” which is all like, factors that Contribute Energy......learning about stuff / trying something and discovering like oh i’m Into this thing, or that for whatever reason something turns out to be more within reach / doable than i might’ve thought, like, hey i wanna get on this maybe.......~creatively~ it’s great to like, see other ppl’s art, and while i’ve sure been Inspired by professional artists, overall i’m more like, influenced and motivated by seeing the styles / specific works of Online Randos like me.......i also Draw to create [self-indulgent (usually fairly) niche fanart which is also probably gay and is all the time of characters i like] so like, the Stuff I Wanna Make Fanart Of (which has Whatever characters i specifically would like to draw lol) is sure directly Inspiring in that way. i’d say i never had that experience of like, ppl being kids and seeing some [distributed work in a certain art medium] like oh i want to make my own [distributed work in a certain art medium] as in like, i wanna publish a book, i wanna make movies, etc, but i guess i Did b/c i was like elementary school age in the early-to-mid 00s and experienced some instances of online fanart like :o :o wow damn ppl can do that?? just be a rando drawing fanart and sharing it w/ other people online???? and today i am living that dream, so good for me lol. and also i’d like to shoutout marge simpson anime, which is a particular piece of Online Art (technically fanart even lol) which was like, unusually Motivating as a single work of art lol, i made a notes app fanart like immediately and then a way more “painterly” piece of fanart that was v directly inspired by it lol.......and i was sure Drawing It Up last last winter when bmc 3.0 was impending / happening, b/c i got into like Just in the dec before, so that was Fresh, and then bam the Content is happening concurrently and as soon as we even just learned that jeremy has glasses i immediately spent like honestly 25 consecutive hours making fanart for that exact Inspiration. we didn’t even know abt the hello kitty shoes yet!!! and naturally im not out here for stats or clout but it is Inspiring when ppl enjoy the stuff i make and let me know one way or another. [tag comments that express enthusiasm in any way.....Appreciated]

9: Do you trust people easily, or do people have to earn your trust?

i have to say i am wary! that’s in part just like, a default anxiety defensive mode lol. but it takes me a hot minute (aka weeks....or months.....) to realize when someone like, would like to be friends or something, so while i can be Friendly and Outgoing w/ people like, immediately, i’m not picking up relationships left and right that are close enough that i’d particularly talk about “trust” or whatever. i’m not necessarily Distrustful either lol, it’s more just like, again re: the constant wariness thing. it is not unlike a cat lmao i vibe with them lol i Get that [approach]....and there’s been times i’ve been like “hmm i sure do Not vibe with this person ever and am not comfortable around them / interacting with them to any extent beyond occasional casual interactions that i don’t super enjoy. that’s me being overly anxious and failing to be personable i guess!!” and then that person Does give that reason down the line like oh, actually, that eternal uneasiness was warranted :/ damb

21: How does someone become friends with you?

yknow i was like “didn’t i Also answer this one previously” but it turned out the question i was thinking of, which i Had answered, was “how does someone become important to you” lmao.....same diff

tbh it’s kind of an arduous process lmao like. first of all i am Bad about initiating shit, and a lot of times will like, be wary of Directly Interacting with people for a while b/c i am also Bad At not being too passive / unwilling to assert anything so like, if someone’s regularly interacting with me but i’m not into it / Eventually Realize i’m not into it, it’s that thing again where my main strat is [v gradually sidle away] lol and just find it difficult to extricate myself from interactions / relationships and so that plays into me really feeling like i have to have some real confidence that i’d get on with / vibe with someone Before i start significantly interacting with / getting involved with them which....is also difficult natch lol like. can’t rly get a great feel for what someone’s like w/o talking to them.......but then if i Distance myself at all at any point will that be taken as rejection or whatever.......and then anyways say i Am talking to someone, then it’s like, also i’m just not fantastic at casual conversation always and that stage where you don’t know someone too well and talking is mostly a Polite Ritual and it’s like oh god don’t mess up, respond Normally lmaoo......i am nervous. and i also have a tendency to just naturally try to make an interaction go smoothly than immediately prioritize / feel comfortable busting out My Personality lmao.....so then even if ppl are responding well enough it’s like ah jeez i know we’re all performing always but have i shown them What I’m Actually Like to any significant degree, am i just masking it up / mirroring the crap out of how they talk?? and also it then takes me quite a while to put together “if someone keeps talking to you / choosing to interact with you for like, weeks, it probably means they want to / are interested in doing so” lol.........and then i’ll take ages more of trying to consciously Be More Myself without *also* feeling like this is too much of an act lol, and gradually picking up like oh they’re still not like, annoyed or disinterested or something..............what i am trying to say is it sure takes a minute lol

also when i Am attempting sometimes to like [initiate interaction] with people my version of being Active is still not all that active lmao i will be like [occasional Like] or [even more occasional reply] or [tag comments or no comments coz it’s twitter and im rt-ing stuff] and it’s like oh wow if we’re not having more regular interaction i suppose i’ve failed or something?? does this mean anything further lol, did i do anything.....but welp gotta have that perspective that Not Necessarily lol and i’m not the only person in the world who might not make friends or even friendly acquaintances easily / at the drop of a hat and u can’t necessarily read way into shit that hasn’t Actually been communicated to you.......naturally though it is easier to have some ~perspective~ and Serenity about all this sort of thing when you do already have some Friends lmao........been feeling (and consciously nudging myself towards feeling) More Chill about say like, friendly acquaintances i have who aren’t raring to interact with me on the reg.......ppl i’ll go months or half a year or more between having a convo with and then we’ll be like trading dm’s for a couple days and then it’s back to not really talking, and that Is What It Is, not necessarily a tragedy, and really it feels “rude” to acknowledge to myself like oh i’m not sure that me and whomever even Vibe well enough that *i’d* be raring to talk all the time either, but hey, it’s also true, i don’t have to be Validated by ppl who know me having me in their friend circles in any significant way......i be out here on the peripheral / outer orbits and i can appreciate that for what it is, even if, again, easier to be more Cool with that when i’m not Only in ppl’s periphery...........i appreciate the pal i have who like, 99% of how we Communicate is occasionally sending each other pics of our cats, not very intimate but also back when i was offline for months on end they eventually went out of their way to find someone to get in touch with to verify i hadn’t like died or anything lol........i appreciate the Gestures of Caring that ppl have and do extend, even if we do not actually talk regularly. 

and like also i’m bad at like. idk the main way i talk is again, At Some Length and often about real specific shit lol so im like woop aware that many ppl are not into that, or they might be down for having an exchange like that for a day and then they’re done.........not at all like wholly Against more lol Conversational conversations but i gotta say that’s more of a struggle lmao..........so let’s say befriending me takes some Patience. i kinda operate on [cat] rules. jellicle

25: How do you stop yourself from going back to toxic people?

i absolutely am Refraining from launching off on a ted talk of a tangent that is also me being the [the guy about to throw down a card on the pile on the table and that card pile is like “any conversation” and the guy is labeled “me” and the One Card about to be played is labeled “it’s capitalism” or smthing like that and also it’s all in spanish].jpg.......

anyways idk just try to keep things in perspective, right......i generally am pretty Passive about gradually sidling away from relationships that are bad and so by the time i Have exited them it’s pretty overdue lmao and i get to be quite confident that it was The Right Thing........and just when looking back on stuff it’s like, well if you remember the Good or “Not That Bad(tm)” parts maybe consciously think about the whole of it And specifically the Bad parts / the reasons for peacing out.......also the other day i was mulling over some standard [conflicted / complicated feelings about having cut certain ppl out entirely] and it also occurred to me that a lot of the [conflicted] feeling part came from sympathy for them, whereas from the perspective of Entirely My Own Feelings On The Matter minus that “how do/would they feel about it” consideration, the thought of never interacting w/ these ppl is like. fine with me lol........stuff like this is always Complicated and Individual and there’s certainly no like, one-stop simple Guide To Navigating All This Kind Of Thing, Cmon It’s Easy........another consideration i saw the other day via a graphic on twitter, which is probably most relevant re: say, controlling / abusive Partners, was how like, to think about how someone is acting if they’re saying you should Take Them Back b/c they’ve Changed their behavior, but to pay attention to if they’re trying to guilt you into it / justifying or downplaying their previous behavior / shifting blame and otherwise manifesting the inherently harmful and controlling patterns that are supposed to be gone now........anyways yeah complicated stuff and also just p.s. (and what would’ve been the jumping off point for the It’s-Capitalism tangential essay lol) ppl shouldn’t be blamed if they do choose to let someone back in their life like oh now they’re responsible for bringing their mistreatment upon themself.....no better than blaming someone for, say, having a harmful / controlling romantic partner in the first place like oh well they should’ve known better than to have gotten involved with this person..........ppl are in control of their own abusive behavior and shouldn’t be considered Forces Of Nature no matter how intransigent they are

33: Do you have someone you know you can always rely on?

tbt question 9 lol there’s defo some people that i do trust! love it....

45: Do you consider yourself creative?

another #tbt to question 1 lol.......i mean Yes i am creative in ways but like, who Isn’t, really.......think sometimes “creativity” means “do you like, do Art things” which, yes i do, but then within that there’s art that’s deemed more ~creative~ or w/e......not to mention that i don’t think something has to be definitively labeled an Art to be creative. like, for example, Science and Art aren’t opposites / the antithesis of each other, and anytime defines ~science~ as like, people just memorizing and outputting Facts and Numbers and considers this a distinction from Being An Artist.....wild and i Will fight you lmao. i tell you i can v much remember times i have had to completely disengage to keep from losing my cool at people arguing about “why i respect science but could only be an artist :’|” or “why Art is actually harder than Science and also we’re the underdogs b/c society values science so much more :’|” like.....mf...........anyways scientific pursuits may certainly have a different Methodology (see: scientific method) than art but lbr it still requires creativity and science and art are friends you fucking fools................and then also just zooming in on the Art-Making business here, i also like, have never had any interest in coming up with Original stories / characters and the like, and i don’t enjoy trying and it just really is not my thing, and it’s Funny or something when people wanna say that creative fanworks have value b/c they let ppl cut their teeth for what really matters, inevitably making their own original content(tm)......that isn’t inevitable for me lol and certainly is nothing i aim to do ever, and when there’s the suggestion that if you’re Good enough at ur medium you gotta manifest some of that original the character do not steal shit.........anyways i’m not pressed to claim i am an Artist(tm) or Creative(tm) lol like i guess technically i am both but i have no professional aspirations and my brain does not Do [generate original content] so it’s all like, i’m just out here.........s/o to this time i was trying to do my fuckin thing drawing on a tablet in a cafe and some random annoying guy is trying to talk and i happen to mention like “lol i don’t exactly call myself an artist really” and Guy goes “OH REALLY??? WHAT’S WRONG WITH ARTISTS? WHAT’S YOUR ISSUE WITH ART” like please cool it lmao but god p sure it was a guy who was just. very Around and very annoying in general

49: Do you feel like you’re a good person?

yeah i think i’m alright but really what is the use in like considering there 2 be achievable Good or Bad Person Statuses for everyone........let’s say it’s an ongoing, active state to be in the process of consciously choosing to be Good and working towards Better. especially considering that We Live In A Society which tries to teach everyone and continuously imbues our existence with Bad Messages about how to perceive and engage with other people, and being A Good Person is a lifelong effort and it’s unhelpful to feel that if you’re already Good or well-intentioned enough you can just dust off your hands and be like “well my work here is done” and be unprepared to examine your beliefs/actions or deal with the might-as-well-assume-it’s-an-inevitability that even if u have some noble-ass beliefs you’ll fail to live up to them at some point/s.......so like yeah lol again i feel like i am a pretty good person but can always be better and ought to be aware of / willing to work on that at any point

[kookytrollz]

Apology/Explanation/Update

Hey there!!! It’s me, the mun! I’m turning 17 in 18 days. Personally, I feel like I’ve been acting really immature, so, I’m gonna talk about why and what I’m doing to fix it. I’m incredibly overdramatic so I wrote this entire long thing, good luck making any sense of it. (There’s a tl;dr at the end)

This might seem unnecessary, but it’s important to me! I’m trying to improve myself, and I feel the need to clear the air. I’m not trying to guilt trip anyone, this really feels necessary for me to acknowledge before I can move on.

So! As many probably know, I have very bad social anxiety. It’s made all aspects my life very difficult, but I am trying to improve it! For a while I thought I could escape the anxiety if I only talked to people online. I got into roleplaying because it was a fun way to indirectly talk with and befriend someone, and it didn’t make me nervous. I’ve really only been rping for like a year. (Though, I did rp on writing forums a little when I was 12, but that’s irrelevant.) I started doing it way too much, though. I got really overwhelmed this spring, and for the past 4-ish months, I've been hopping in and out of hiatus at random, dropping threads, ignoring messages, and deleting a ton of asks. I realize that may have made some of you feel a little bad, and I want to acknowledge that it’s not a mature way to interact with people.

If I just say, “I’m afraid to talk to people because of my anxiety,” that would be true, but it wouldn’t be  enough. The real problem is how I cope with it. The way I’ve always dealt with my anxiety is by avoiding my problems until I feel better. I’ve always heavily critiqued everything I say and do, and I learned that the best way to avoid mistakes is to not do anything at all. It’s sort of like the trolley problem. I’m scared of killing that one person, so I let the other five die. 

My issue isn’t motivation. I am actually very motivated to be active on this blog! It genuinely makes me feel happy to answer asks and stuff. The issue is, I’m terrified to act on that motivation. I’m stuck inbetween a rock and a hard place. I can’t fufill my want to have fun with other people, because of my fear of social interaction. 

My inbox is perpetually super full. I’m like an ask hoarder, too afraid to delete any. It has a ton of really old asks, and whenever I see them, they remind me of my mistakes, which, in turn, worsens my anxiety, and makes it even harder for me to talk to anyone. It’s a cycle!!!

When I receive an rp starter or something, it’s usually one of three situations:

 The first, is that I don’t want to rp with the person, for whatever reason. Instead of deleting the ask or just politely telling them I’m not interested, I keep it in my inbox for MONTHS before I can find the strength to delete it.

The second, is that I want to rp with the person, but I’m afraid I’m going to mess up, or that my writing/art isn’t good enough—something to that extent. So, again, I keep it in my inbox for “later.” (later means never.)

The third, and most common, is that I want to rp with the person, but I’m terrified that someone else who I’ve ghosted will get angry at me if they see me talking to anyone other than them. I get really paranoid, and I feel like all my followers are spies, who, the moment I post anything, and going to crucify me for being “fake”.  It gets so bad sometimes, I almost delete my blog.

Those all seem ridiculous if I think about them for more than a second, but nonetheless, I still actually become nauseous if I look in my inbox. I’ve only really been comfortable answering simple asks, because I can detach, and I don’t feel like I’m talking to a person.

So, I NEED to break out of this cycle. I want to make postitive steps in my life, especially before my senior year starts. That’s why I’m making this. Making a post makes it feel official; it’s just something easy I can do to give me confidence. Reading all this over objectively, it feels really pointless. But more importantly!! I feel a lot better and more confident just writing this. 8^)

I know I just rambled for a while. I hope this wasn’t completely nonsensical. Writing is hard. All long as you get the gist, I’m satisfied. This is more for me than it is for you.

Anyway, Tl;dr I’m sorry for ignoring so many messages. I’m sorry for hopping in and out or hiatus randomly for months. I’m so grateful for all the support and great things that have come from this blog. It means a lot to me. If I’ve ever ignored you, I hope I’ve never made you feel disliked or unwanted.

Sorry, but I need to make a fresh start. I’m basically gonna hard reboot this blog. So, I’m planning on making some changes. I’m gonna remodel the blog, maybe start a better tagging system. And I’ll probably delete all my asks. I’m also making some new icons!!

Thank you for listening!! Thank you for putting up with my bullshit! My inbox is closed for the time being, but if you really need to talk to me you can dm me, either here or @holidehg (my main)

[maybeformepersonally]

Fic: you are the choice i'll keep making

Title: you are the choice i'll keep making Author: maybeformepersonally Rating: NC-17 / Explicit Summary: In a universe where soulmates travel forward in time once in their lifetime to be with their bonded and solidify their relationship, 23-year-old Phil jumps forward to 2019. Word Count: 13,271 Author’s Note: I wrote this for the @phandomreversebang. I want to thank the admins on the PBR for organising this. And a special thanks to my team, @jorzuela and @agathelight, for their support and patience with me. Thank you to @agathelight for betaing this fic and putting up with my terrible time management skills, any mistakes that remain are solely my fault; and to @jorzuela for making the beautiful art to accompany my fic!

                                             [art by @jorzuela]

Masterpost for the art

Read on AO3

 Dan is pondering the merits of getting up for a snack. They’re having a pajama week to unwind and recharge before they emerge from their little holiday, so they’ve been mostly lazing around the house and catching up with some tv shows.

 Now that Phil’s birthday week is over, they figured they’d take a few days for themselves, not their audience, not their friends and family, just the two of them in their shared home.

 Phil had insisted he needed to top off the bird feeders before they settled down to watch something, even though they had filled it to the brim less than 12 hours ago, but he shouldn’t take longer than a couple minutes, so Dan had rolled his eyes at him and let him go enable the overweight pigeons living off Phil’s soft spot for any and all animals.

 Dan decides not to get a snack, after all. He’s not that hungry and he doesn’t really feel like getting up. They can find something to eat later. Something to “put them on”, Dan thinks with a grin. Phil’s northern vernacular will never stop being charming, probably.

 Speaking of, where is he? Topping off the feeder shouldn’t take him this long.

 ***

  Soulmates are and have been a point of contention since the dawn of time. Religions the world over had tried to impose their own interpretation of what the jump meant, entire libraries could be filled with both fictional stories and philosophical speculation about the biological, social and cultural implications of the bonds. Academic circles are, to this day, firmly split into two camps: the metaphysical paradigm that asserts there’s such a thing as non-physical bonds that tie people who are destined to be together; and the agentic paradigm, which argues that what creates the bonds in the first place is our decisions to be with someone and the work we put into strengthening and maintaining such bonds. This interpretation would explain why there’s been reported cases of a single individual having more than one “soulmate” in the course of their life, whether consecutively or concurrently, as well as why the jumps normally happen after the pair have been together for a while. Anecdotal evidence and later systematic analysis of data both appear to confirm this thesis in that the jump never happens before the individual has “decided” to stay with the other person(s). However, despite the paradigm shift that has occurred in the modern age, many people still favour either the metaphysical interpretation or a fusion of both of them, and the idea that there is “someone out there made for every one of us” is still a ubiquitous trope in media.

 ***

  Dan sees him first. Phil. Phil as Dan had first met him, emo hair and plaid shirt and bony angles, looking around cautiously, everything from his posture to the tight expression on his face telegraphing his fear. Dan can read Phil better than anyone, but he thinks even a complete stranger would probably be able to see it. He looks so young. He is so beautiful. It makes Dan breathless.

 “Phil.” Dan tries to call his attention gently, but Phil still jumps and almost ends up on the floor. He puts his right hand to his chest and clings to the wall with the other one. They stare at each other for a few seconds, before Phil seems to deflate, worry seemingly evaporating and leaving him unsteady.

 “I wanted it to be you.” Phil lets out a small, wet, shaky laugh, and wipes the stray tears from his cheeks as soon as they start to fall. “I wanted it to be you so bad.”

 Before he realises he’s made the decision to move, Dan is in front of him, wrapping him in his arms and holding on tightly. Phil clings to him desperately and lets himself cry into Dan’s comforting shoulder. Dan’s broader shoulder. It’s a bit unsettling, but this is still Dan, and Phil is dizzy with relief at the concrete physical evidence that it was Dan, that he’d been right, that it had always been Dan.

 “I’ve got you,” Dan whispers into his ear, “It’s okay, I’ve got you. I’m here. I love you. It’s okay to let it out. I love you so much, Phil. I’m here.”

 (Dan would say, “I knew it”, in an almost whisper, a shaky breath laced with a bone-deep certainty. The raw emotional delivery did nothing to conceal the conviction of the words. “I knew it was you.” Phil would ask him, later, much later, after the whole thing was over, how he’d been so sure. Dan couldn’t explain it to him, he just knew.

 “Remind me again how I’m the one who believes in fate of the two of us?”

 “It wasn’t fate that brought us together, Phil. It was luck, and effort on my part at first, and on both our parts later, to make it work. That’s what makes it so special. Not that it’d inevitably happen. But that it could have never happened, but it did. And we’re the ones who made it last.”

 Phil wouldn’t answer with words. He’d shake his head in wonder and bury his face in Dan’s neck, breathe him in, wrap his arms around this man who still made him weak in the knees, still made him giddy with excitement, still made him nervous, the good kind of nervous, the kind that came from hopeless infatuation, from the exhilaration of having your affections returned, from seeing the future stretch out before you and being eager rather than scared because you knew you’ll have your person beside you every step of the way. And he’d let it be.)

 ***

  Dan knew it'd be Phil for him because he never believed in fate. Dan knew it'd be Phil because Phil is the one Dan chose, and by the time the jump happened to him, he was comfortably three years into this relationship that was better than anything Dan could have dreamed of as a depressed, pessimistic teenager who didn’t even know what having a best friend was like. By the time it happened, he knew that he'd chosen well and that Phil wouldn't leave him, that Phil (impossibly) really did love him as fiercely as Dan loved him, that Phil was more than deserving of Dan's trust and devotion and love.

 ***

  Phil's jump happens shortly before their first year anniversary. Phil has made his decision, but no matter how right it feels, no matter how much and how obviously Dan loves him, Phil is still afraid.

 He's never felt this way before. This is what he’s been hoping for, what all the films and books and songs were about, he’s been craving this for years and finally it was here and there was a lot he hadn’t anticipated: the way Dan was on his mind all the time, all day, no matter what he was doing, like Dan had made his way under his skin and laid claim to his mind (Phil supposed that in a way he had); the painful clench in his chest when Dan had to say goodbye at the train platform and they’d have to be apart for days or weeks, sometimes without even knowing when they’d get to hold each other again; the knot in his throat as he made his way back home after watching Dan go into the train with heavy shoulders and sad eyes, and Phil knew that Dan would be miserable until they met again; the spike of excitement every time he got a message from Dan, or a tweet, or a call. But of all the things he hadn’t foreseen, the one that surprised him the most was the fear. The fear was always in the back of his mind, indistinct and amorphous. It changed shape and intensity, but it never quite left. When Phil was particularly happy, especially when Dan was within physical reach but sometimes when they were skyping too, the fear dissipated until Phil forgot about it, a nebulous mist that didn’t weigh on him at all. But then the call ended, or Dan had to go back home, and it resolidified into a more palpable form.

 What if meeting was a bad idea? What if Dan was disappointed when they met IRL? What if Phil couldn’t meet Dan’s expectations? Surely they’d talked enough through comments and DMs and Skype that Dan had got to know him beyond the Amazingphil persona? Did Dan really mean it when he flirted with Phil online? (And he did, constantly.) What if Dan wasn’t attracted to him in person? Phil couldn’t control what he looked like IRL like he could on the screen, couldn’t select the perfect angle, pick and choose and edit and filter. (It didn’t occur to him that Dan couldn’t either. It was irrelevant because Phil already knew he fancied him, would fancy him with bad lighting and from terrible angles, with eyebags and spots and his dreaded naturally curly hair that Dan hated so much and Phil not-so-secretly thought was really cute.)

 And then they’d met, finally, finally, and Dan was even more beautiful in the flesh, and more nervous too, but still just as interested in Phil, still just as keen on everything Phil had to say, and after the perfect first day together Dan had kissed him, and Phil felt his heart do something it had never done before in his chest. He’d been so happy at the time he didn’t notice the fear was still there until Dan was gone.

 Ultimately, what the fear came down to was: was Dan as serious about this as Phil was?

 Dan is younger than him; he's young and driven and talented and so lovely and sure, he wants Phil now, loves Phil now, but he's starting uni soon, and he's so young. Phil remembers being a teenager scared about the next step in his life (he’s still scared about that too, to be honest, but lately everything seems to be falling into place and Dan is a part of that,) it might only have been five years, but it feels like a lifetime. Phil feels like a different person, and it scares him to think that Dan might become a different person too, a person who doesn’t want him. Dan is still struggling to decide what he wants in life other than YouTube (and Phil) and who knows what he'll want a year from now, five, ten.

 The crux of the matter is: Phil wants it to be Dan, but Dan just turned nineteen, and Phil knows a lifetime commitment is too much to ask of a nineteen year old who feels so adrift and so desperate for a genuine connection that he agreed to take a three-hour-train to spend a long weekend in the house of a man he met on the internet. 

***

 The jumps propell the bonded forward in time to a point in their future when they are with their soulmate, but there seems to be no rhyme or reason to it. Some jumps cover decades, while others only go forward a few days. Some jumps last for a few minutes (the shortest on record spanned 13 minutes and 48 seconds), while some take days, with the longest known being over two weeks.

 ***

 Phil encases his face between his hands and holds him there, held him close. “Let me look at you.”

 Dan knows he’s flushed with emotion, knows his own eyes are taking in this younger Phil just as much as Phil’s are studying him.

 “God, you still look at me like that?” Phil sounds wrecked, and like he might start crying again any moment now. Dan wants to hold him tight, wants to kiss him, wants to shield him from any bad thing in the world. Wants, most of all, to make him happy.

 “Yeah,” Dan drawls, soft with overwhelming love for this young man. “I get teased about it all the time. Mostly by you.”

 Phil keeps staring at him in silence, looking dazed. He brings his left hand to Dan’s curls, pats them lightly to watch them spring back into place. From there he goes to Dan’s hoop earring, running a finger down his ear and following the motion with an amazed expression, down to Dan’s exposed collarbones and latching on to the denim jacket covering the white t-shirt that his own Phil, 32-year-old Phil, loves so much. Dan likes to joke it’s because you can make out his nipples through the thin fabric. He knows he isn’t entirely wrong.

 He spares a thought to be thankful that the cold prompted him to get dressed this morning. He likes that he’s looking good for this. For Phil.

 “Oh my god.” Phil is covering his mouth with one hand like he used to do back in the beginning, back when they first met. Back before Dan sweet talked him out of covering up his gorgeous smile which Dan loved so much. Back when some stupid teenage boys’ cutting words still resonated somewhere inside Phil’s head, making him self conscious about some of his best features. Dan’s always been a pacifist, but there’s been times he’s really wanted to cut a bitch.

 It’s still so cute. If Dan didn’t know why he used to do it, he would miss it more.

 “You look like the really cool bad boy protagonist from a movie. The kind I’d fantasize about but could never hope to get in real life.”

 The words hit Dan like a physical blow and wipe the smile he hadn’t even realised he’d settled on.. The sentiment is so backwards that it makes his chest tighten, makes his stomach swoop and a choked feeling to lodge in his throat. Dan knows Phil harbours some insecurities, that it’s only human to do so, but it doesn’t make him hate it any less. Phil should know how wonderful he is.

 “Phil…” his voice is soft and quiet. Somewhere between admonishing and pleading.

 Phil gives a little breathless laugh, eyes never straying from Dan’s face. “It’s true,” he insists. His smile belies his self-effacing words, and Dan is weak for that smile.

 “You got me.”

 Dan frames Phil’s face in his big hands and slowly draws him closer, closer still, maintaining eye contact that feels too intense, too wrought with emotion, but Phil doesn’t look away, doesn’t close his eyes until after their lips have connected.

 ***

 There is no definitive guide on the soulmate phenomenon, as no general consensus has been reached on the matter; but as expected from a topic that has fascinated and mystified humanity for as long as we can be considered such (i.e. for all of human history), there is a wealth of knowledge accrued on the subject.

 The highlights are as follows. ‘Soulmates’ share a strong connection, though it might take a long time for that connection to form. The bond requires a certain level of commitment before the jump can take place, and there is overwhelming evidence confirming that the jump will not occur unless both individuals involved have consciously committed to one another. The bond is often romantic in nature, but it needs not be. It can be consummated sexually, but this is not a requirement, and there are countless known instances of both romantic and platonic bonds that were never physically consummated. While rare, the bond does not require a physical meeting at all, there have been cases of soulmates who established their connection through correspondence and met for the first time during their jump. This has become less rare with the developments of technology and the advent of the internet, but it still represents a small percentage overall. People can have one soulmate in their lifetime, or they can have multiple ones, or none at all. Children can’t be part of such a bond, even a platonic one; our current understanding is that children lack the psychological maturity to knowingly and conscientiously decide to commit to someone at the required level. Teenagers can form this bond, very, very rarely. Statistics calculate that the number of teenagers to form this bond (i.e. younger than 18-years-old) is slightly less than 0.0003% of all bonds. The youngest recorded cases were of 15-year-olds, all of them bonded to older individuals. But soulmate bonds normally happen in adulthood, becoming more statistically likely the older the person gets, the mode (highest concentration of bonded cases) is 45, with a sustained number of cases from ages 32 to 56, until the curve starts to descend again around 57 years old.

 ***

 Phil keeps staring at him. It is actually worse than those first few months when they got together. Back then, he at least tried not to be too obvious, but now he doesn’t seem to care; perhaps due to the confirmation from the universe that Dan is here to stay, possibly because he can see this Dan isn’t shy about it at all, quite the contrary. Dan has always enjoyed Phil’s eyes on him, but a full decade of work on himself and his own insecurities, and the same amount of time of steadfast love and support to get used to the intensity of the emotions sparked by Phil’s stare on him… well, they’ve made a difference. He’s never quite shied away from Phil’s visibly appreciative eyes (well, not since they first met IRL, anyway), but he used to feel self-conscious. Like Phil’s focused attention might at any moment reveal Dan’s own shortcomings and Phil might change his mind. Of course, that never happened.

 Now, Dan preens a little under Phil’s attention, and, as always, he stares back.

 ***

 Dan was the one who brought it up first. It was on their postponed Portugal trip. They’d been markedly affectionate the whole trip, more so than usual even. Phil felt touch-starved, he couldn’t get enough of touching Dan. It had only been a week since he’d been with Dan before the trip, but Phil had been feeling the distance even more keenly than usual, and Dan had been just as affected if their skype calls were anything to go by.

 Phil kept expecting the gaping need he felt in his chest whenever Dan wasn’t within touching distance to abate, for this yearning to be assuaged and the longing to settle into something more manageable. It’s what everyone said would happen after he’d been with someone for a while. Except it’s been seven months and it’s only got worse. At least Dan seemed to be just as bad. And he was always so happy when Phil indulged himself by sitting too close or touching his arm or pretending to bite him. In fact, Dan had caught on pretty fast and he’d started being physically affectionate right back. (Phil especially liked it when Dan put his arm around him. He’d been the first person to do it, somehow, and Phil hadn’t expected he’d like it so much, but he did.)

 Phil had thought about it before that point, of course. Could not stop thinking about it, really, he loved Dan so much, was thinking about him all the time, of course he’d considered the possibility that Dan and he could be soulmates. But he didn’t know how to bring it up. They’d just celebrated their seven month anniversary, Dan had been with his ex-girlfriend for almost three years.

 They were drinking and lazing around on the beach when it happened, watching the sunset and babbling about whatever came to mind. Phil had flopped down at some point when the scenery started spinning a little, so he had his head on Dan’s lap. He was looking up at him, feeling warm and happy and in love (he was always feeling in love these days), and Dan had buried his fingers in Phil’s hair at some point and was gently scratching his scalp in a way that had Phil’s insides squirming happily. If Phil was a cat, he’d be purring right then and there.

 “Phil?”

 “Mmh?” Okay, maybe he wasn’t so far from purring all things considered.

 “If we’re soulmates, you’d be alright with me fucking the older version of you, right?”

 Phil was too comfortable and relaxed to do much more than chuckle from his place on the sand (and Dan’s lap). Of course that’s how he brought it up. Phil was too happy about it to mind, honestly, and he did raise a good question, to be fair.

 “Yeah,” Phil answered, grinning so wide his cheeks hurt a little. He’d been smiling so much lately, always did when he was with Dan. “That’s fine. I’d be worried if you didn’t want to, honestly.”

 “Cool.” Dan was smiling back just as wide. He looked gorgeous, flushed from the wine, with his hair tousled and his pretty collarbones fully on display in his sleeveless Howl shirt. His skin looked soft and extremely touchable in the sunlight. Phil raised his hand and poked his dimple.

 “I’m fucking older you too, by the way,” Phil told him.

 “Yeah, okay.” Dan said, then promptly turned his head and bit at Phil’s finger, which had them both giggling and poking each other for the next few minutes, until Dan blatantly cheated by tickling Phil’s sides until he surrendered.

 ***

 Dan had distractedly pushed Phil back while they kissed, until Phil bumped into the back of their sofa.

 Phil pulls back from the kiss breathing heavily, and seems content to look intently at Dan some more, idly rubbing Dan’s shoulders seemingly without noticing. “You’re so pretty. It’s unreal.”

 Dan huffs a fond laugh, pulls Phil a little closer by his grip on his waist. “Well, from my completely unbiased opinion as your soulmate, I can tell you, you are in fact the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.”

 “No, I’m not!” Phil protests, but he’s giggling and blushing brighter than before, and Dan can see the happiness practically radiating off him, so he just places a little kiss on Phil’s nose and smiles back really wide at Phil’s reaction.

 ***

 In many cultures, sexual contact during the jump was discouraged if the bonded pair were not already married at the time the bonded jumped forward, for fear of it resulting in a pregnancy that could not be justified to the spouse or the spouse’s family. While not very common, a lot of suspicious pregnancies were explained this way, leading social mores to frown upon the practise and, in some cases, to forbid it. While this wouldn’t matter for same-sex couples, the norm was considered universal, and romantic love being what it is, this rule was universally broken whenever bonded pairs had motive and opportunity.

  It is no longer viewed negatively, although some argue that couples should discuss the possibility ahead of time, as many people still feel uncomfortable with the thought of their partner being sexually involved with their future self.

***

 Dan guides Phil up the stairs to their room, squeezing his hand all the way there and only getting distracted by the vision of this younger Phil twice or thrice on the way.

 They kiss until Phil is breathless. Dan is keeping him flush against the wall and still Phil is grasping at Dan’s sweater and trying to pull him closer. Dan feels… firmer than he’s used to. His wandering hands have already confirmed that Dan must have taken up exercise at some point, if his arms and back are anything to go by. Phil is downright eager to do some further exploring.

 Before he can so much as catch his breath, however, Dan is running his hands down from where he’d been holding him by the hips, and without breaking eye contact he bends down to slide them down and around Phil’s thighs and grabs them firmly in those big, soft hands that Phil loves so much. The sensation is unexpectedly carnal, the trail left by Dan’s touch tingles and Phil is so hard he instinctually tries to grind against Dan, but Dan’s hold is strong enough to keep him in place. The combination of that thought and the feeling of Dan’s hands on him is enough to wring a soft moan from Phil’s throat. Then, in a practised move that makes Phil actually, in real life, honest to God fucking swoon, Dan rights himself and lifts Phil up with him, immediately trapping him between his own firm, wide chest and the even firmer wall. Phil can’t help a little scream of surprise, but he instinctively wraps his legs around Dan’s lower back anyway.

 Dan. Is holding him up against the wall. Dan is strong enough to pick him up and then continue to hold him up against the wall and that is so hot that Phil grabs his face in both hands and starts kissing him again, cock throbbing where it’s trapped against Dan’s chest.

 ***

 After Dan’s carried him to the bed and let him fall back on it carefully, he quickly finishes taking off his own clothes while Phil watches him intently. But he isn’t given much time to appreciate the sight before Dan is on him again, kissing the breath out of him, biting his shoulder in that way that’s so familiar, sucking on his nipples and dragging his tongue down his stomach, making Phil squirm.

 "What do you want?" Dan presses the words against the soft skin under his belly button.  Phil opens his mouth but the words stick in his throat, the barrage of different scenarios crashing together and causing a jam effectively prevent any one them from making it past his lips.  Dan looks up to him heatedly, his hands never stop their trek up and down the sensitive skin of his sides.

 When Phil doesn't speak, he drags his nails teasingly down his flanks, firm enough to have Phil's abs contracting at the unexpected jolt of pleasure and his hips lifting of their own accord. His erection rubs deliciously against Dan's collarbones, with only the fabric of his thin boxer briefs standing in the way.  "You can have everything you want, baby. There's nothing you could ask me that I wouldn't want to give you. You just need to decide what you want first." The words are low and soothing, punctuated by a firm kiss to the prominent freckle to the right of Phil's belly button.  "Fuck me," Phil blurts out. It wasn't so much a conscious decision as it was a gut feeling given a voice.  Dan's eyes don’t stray from him, the intensity of his gaze makes Phil shy, it makes him feel powerful, makes him want to preen and hide with equal intensity.

 Dan doesn’t move from between Phil’s thighs, however. He only shimmies down a little on the bed until his arms and shoulders are under Phil’s hips and his face is directly above the stretched fabric of Phil’s boxers. The sight fuels the electricity building up under Phil skin into something heavier.

 Dan holds himself up on his elbows and brings his hands up to grab handfuls of Phil’s outer thighs right where his boxer shorts end, while his thumbs rub the back of his thighs, dipping teasingly under the fabric. Before Phil can get the words together to ask, Dan dives his head down without an ounce of shame, rubs his nose and lips against Phil’s cock through the thin fabric, then turns to rub his cheek against it, eliciting a moan from Phil at the shockingly erotic image he makes. Phil is technically wearing pants, yeah, but he is hard enough that he’s started dripping precome and the thin stretchy fabric has molded around him in a way that only brings attention to his length, it looks almost more obscene than he would completely naked.

 Dan places his lips against the root again, but this time he opens his mouth to suck lightly at him through the fabric, causing more quiet moans to fall unbidden from Phil’s lips, and he moves his hands up from where he’s gripping Phil’s thighs firmly, until he’s grabbing the place where Phil’s thighs meet the curve of his ass. His palms are warm and solid on him, his fingers sink purposely under the fabric and into the tender skin right behind his balls. The sensation is so good that Phil can’t help trying to buck into it, but Dan’s hands keep his hips in place.

 “God, I love the sounds you make,” Dan pulls back just enough to be heard, and the sudden feeling of cold air where just a moment ago was Dan’s warmth mouth sucking at his cock through cloth has Phil whining and attempting another unsuccessful thrust. Dan sounds so wrecked already.

 “Okay, hand me the lube. I’m going to finger you until you’re open enough to take me.”

 “Fuck. Yeah, please,” Phil says breathlessly. “Where…?”

 “On the bedside table. To your left.” He doesn’t take his hands off Phil, but he does hold himself up to give him enough room to move. Phil reaches with shaky hands and is momentarily worried he might drop it, but the next second he has his hand around it and hands it over to Dan, who loosens his grip on Phil’s groin to take it.

 Dan places it to the side and moves to peel the snug fabric off of him, lifting his legs in the air and then back down with firm but gentle hands. Then, instead of resuming his previous position as Phil had expected, he sits up between Phil’s legs, with one knee bended and the other spread to the side, and he places a pillow under Phil’s hips for easier access. Phil feels wonderfully exposed laying down like this, cock hard and leaking on his stomach and legs spread and resting on Dan’s own, his whole body primed and begging for more, begging for Dan, for whatever Dan will give him. If he couldn’t see the desire so clearly evident on Dan’s face, the way his eyes go over every inch of Phil’s body greedily, possessively, he might have felt embarrassed. But he could see it, and so the flush of his cheeks and the swirling in his stomach took a different shape, felt thrilling rather than distressing.

 Dan slicks two fingers carefully, rubbing the lube to warm it up before reaching between Phil’s legs to rub them against his hole. Phil opens his legs a little bit wider in invitation.

 Dan teases him, of course, because he’s still the little shit Phil fell in love with, rubbing little circles on his perineum, dipping down to tease at the puckered flesh of his rim, then moving back up to squeeze his balls.

 “Daaaan,” he whined softly.

 It works, apparently. Next thing he knows, he can feel Dan’s middle finger slipping slowly inside, slicked up and finding no resistance.

 “Mmh... yes,” the drag as the finger pulls out and then back in faster feels wonderful, but not nearly enough. “Give me ‘nother,” he demands quietly.

 “Mmm, like this?” Dan says lowly.

 Phil moans and tries to spread his legs even wider as Dan carefully pushes two fingers in next, then rotates them slowly once they’re all the way inside. Then he starts thrusting them in and out with purpose, and the movements send sharp spikes of pleasure up his back and down his legs. His eyes have closed without is permission, and soon enough he’s planted his feet firmly on the bed to push back on the fingers, lifting his hips and fucking himself on them, too turned on to hold himself back.

 “Hngh, hnn, ah, aaahh, Dan. I’m ready, come on, give me another,” he moans out, northern accent coming out in full force as it often does during sex.

 Dan huffs, and Phil forces his eyes open to look at him. He’s flushed and his eyes look a bit crazy, his jaw is slack and he’s breathing heavily and he looks like Phil’s wildest fantasies come to life.

 “You want another already?” he asks hoarsely.

 “Yesssss…”

 Instead of complying, he moves back and drops to the bed, chest on the sheets between Phil’s legs again. Before Phil can complain, he’s reaching for the lube again and coats three fingers liberally, then settles back. The push inside is even slower this time, Dan being overly careful not to hurt him. It gives Phil the time to track every stab of pleasure radiating from his core as Dan skillfully fingers him open. The drag over his prostate is noticeably stronger with three fingers, Phil writhes on the sheets and lifts his hips to grind down on Dan’s gloriously big fingers, his hands clutch the sheets on each side.

 “Fuck,” he feels more than hears Dan breathe into his skin, then he feels his sharp teeth biting down on the tender skin of his inner thighs, just hard enough that Phil knows he’ll leave teethmarks. Fuck, Phil loves it when Dan leaves marks on him. Dan releases the skin and places a long lick over it, tongue flat and smooth and warm. Then he pulls his fingers out completely and thrusts them back in abruptly, at the same time that he puts his mouth on Phil’s unmarked thigh and starts sucking.

 Phil’s body riots.

 “Dan. Dan. Fuuuck… Mmhhhh...” Phil voice is so whiny and breathless that Dan knows he must be close. The knowledge eggs him on, and he twists his fingers in roughly, taking in how easily Phil’s body opens for him, how wet and tight and warm he is inside, how prettily he moans for him.

 “Dan, wait, I’m-hnnm. Fuck, I’m too close.” Phil whines.

 “Don’t hold yourself back,” Dan says against the hickies he’s worked into the pale skin of Phil’s thighs. Phil makes a little noise of protest that only serves to fuel Dan’s desire to make him come undone under his fingers. Decision made, Dan pulls back to watch it happen.

 “But...”

 “Phil, I know I can make you come three times in one night in your thirties, I doubt you’ll have a problem to get it up again at 23.”

 Phil raises his head to stare at him at that, seemingly shocked for a second, mouth hanging open a bit. It only takes two seconds for the surprise to turn into heat, and he nods, clearly relishing that tidbit of knowledge.

 “You want my mouth?”

 Phil doesn’t answer. He just keeps grinding down on Dan’s fingers and looking up at him, and he thinks Dan must realise it too. He won’t need it.

 Phil comes with three of Dan’s fingers inside him, Dan’s thumb pressed firmly on his perineum and Dan’s eyes on him feeling almost like a physical presence all on their own.

 Dan keeps thrusting his fingers into him until Phil relaxes into the bed, then pulls them out gently. He cursorily wipes his fingers and lays down next to Phil to be close to him as he comes down. Phil likes feeling Dan’s warmth next to him, likes their arms and legs brushing as he comes down. He’s told Dan that it anchors him.

 Dan wraps one arm loosely around him and uses the time to cool himself down.

 When Phil can mostly breathe normally again, he reaches for Dan’s hand and weakly turns on his side, silently demanding that Dan spoon him. Dan readily complies, scooting Phil even closer and holding him tight against his chest.

 Dan’s arm across his chest feels wider than he’s used to, and surprisingly strong, a stark contrast to Phil’s boneless state.

 Phil lies there and basks in the afterglow, revels in the feeling of being surrounded by Dan. He feels small, but in a good way. Warm and safe and surrounded by this man he loves. Shielded from the world. Dan slides a leg between his and holds him a little tighter, places a little kiss on the back of his neck that makes his skin tingle a little.

 Phil’s mind is all over the place, the phantom sensation of Dan stretching him open coupled with the solid weight of Dan’s erection resting on his lower back mean that the heat is already faintly swirling in his lower stomach, but he’s too worn out for it take the shape of arousal yet. The precious certainty that Dan is his soulmate, that he really does feel this thing between them as strongly as he says he does, as sharply as Phil does, is still making his head spin a little. The sensory difference between being held by his Dan and being enveloped by the tangibly stronger arms of this older version of his boyfriend is resonating on some base part of his brain where all the embarrassing teenage fantasies of his youth are stored, the ones that came after the realisation that he liked men too; the ones he would sometimes get off to once he figured out how much the idea of being ravished by an older, bigger man turned him on; the ones that had him rutting into his sheets and moaning into his pillow in desperation as he learned how good it felt to have something inside him, anything, even his own fingers, but always made him feel weirdly ashamed and empty afterwards. He got over the misplaced shame with time, especially once he started dating boys in uni, but those fantasies of being held in place by strong hands, of being manhandled like he weighed nothing, of being taken and taken care of, still felt oddly taboo somehow, like something he shouldn’t talk about or ask for. Having it now, from Dan of all people, his soulmate, makes him feel a little overwhelmed.

 But it’s good. It’s so good Phil is heady with it.

 ***

 It takes a while for Phil to fully come down from it, time feel suspended in place for him, but eventually he emerges from the haze.

 Dan is placing little kisses over his shoulders, an unexpected contrast to the unabashedly sexual slide of his hard cock where he’s idly rubbing against the soft skin of Phil’s asscheeks. Phil pushes back lazily, baring his long neck to entice Dan to move his mouth there next. Dan moves slowly, leaving butterfly kisses all the way there and seeming reluctant to leave his shoulders. Phil is reminded of the many times Dan’s told him he loves the little freckles there.

 “Daaan,” Phil complains softly, trying to get him to move on to the more exciting part. How he has the wherewithal to move this slowly with as hard as he feels pressed against him and with everything they’ve done already, Phil has no idea.

 Dan chuckles into his shoulder, but he finally moves his wonderful, tantalizing mouth to nip and suck on Phil’s neck, so Phil can’t bring himself to scold him. A measured bite makes him moan breathlessly and wow, Dan knew what he was talking about because Phil sure won’t be having any issues getting it up a second time with the way things are going.

 “God, I love it when you’re like this,” Dan breathes directly into his ear. “All soft and pliant and desperate in my hands. I love you all sweet like this.”

 It makes Phil flush darker with want, with pride that he can make Dan sound like that.

 “You know how soft you sound when you’re like this? It drives me crazy,” he punctuates the words with a thrust that brings his cock between Phil’s cheeks and wrests a low moan from him as it slides smoothly between his legs. He’s still slick there from Dan’s fingers, still sensitive enough that when Dan’s cock rubs up past his hole and against his perineum he mewls a little.

 Then Dan is pulling away, pushing him on his back and climbing on top of him, swallowing the sound they both make at the feeling of skin on skin when Dan pulls them flush against each other. Phil clings to his back and brings his legs around him to keep him in place. The position has their cocks lining up and rubbing together deliciously, and the idea of Dan manhandling him to wherever he wants him should probably not make Phil this hot, but it does, and he’s well beyond the point where he might feel embarrassed by it.

 “Dan. Come on. Fuck me already.”

 “Mm, you sure? I could come like this, just rubbing against you,” Dan pulls back to hover over him to say it, and another sharp spike of desire spears through him as he looks up at the gorgeous man above him, his biceps are bulging on each side of Phil’s head where he’s leaning on them to hold himself up, his lips look shiny and puffed up, the little rosy patch he loves so much is on full display and his hair is a mussed up mess; all in all he looks like a fucking wet dream come true. Fuck, Phil cannot get over the curls.

 “Don’t you fucking dare, Daniel. I want you to fuck me into the mattress and I want it right the fuck now.” Phil surges up to catch his full lower lip between his teeth and pulls teasingly without breaking eye contact in a way he’s learnt makes Dan give in to him almost every time.

 Dan shoves him back into the sheets with the force of a kiss, and Phil knows he’s won. He’s surprised when he feels Dan’s fingers teasing his rim again, then slowly dipping inside, and he lets out a sigh.

 “Dan, I’m ready. I’m so ready,” his words slur as Dan thrusts another finger in, speeding up a bit, “Please, I’m so open for you, I want you,” he breaks off into a needy moan. When he opens his eyes, it’s to see Dan staring down at him hungrily, panting slightly with obvious desire.

 Dan did always love it when he talks dirty.

 “Come on. I’m spread open for you, you’ve stretched me so well, you can slide right in...”

 “Fuck,” Dan exhales. He’s looking down at Phil like he can’t quite believe the sight in front of him. “Okay. Okay.” He pulls his fingers out belatedly and slicks himself up with trembling fingers. Phil feels like he’ll crawl out of his skin any moment now.

 “This position okay?” Dan asks, already positioning himself. He rubs the head of his cock deliciously around and over Phil’s stretched rim in a move that always makes Phil writhe a little in pleasure.

 “Yeah, I want to see you.” Phil likes looking at Dan and he likes the weight of Dan’s body pressing him into the bed. This is the position he’d have chosen if Dan had asked. He suspects Dan knows this.

 “Yeah,” Dan breathes out, then pushes in.

 The stretch is wider than three of his fingers, but Phil is so relaxed and so open that it doesn’t hurt at all. Instead, there’s only pleasure and emotion and intimacy.

 Dan stops once he bottoms out, by the way he’s breathing so heavily and biting his lip it looks like he’s trying to hold it together, and Phil suddenly feels so grateful that he’s come once already to take the edge off, because that means he gets to focus more on Dan now, he gets to watch him come apart without being distracted by his own pleasure. He runs his hands up Dan’s back soothingly and places a little kiss on his chin, rubbing one leg up and down Dan’s own in an intimate caress. The weight of Dan’s gaze on him feels disarming, it makes him feel known, and claimed. It makes him feel loved.

 Dan finally breaks the eye contact to kiss him, slow and deep and filthy, and that’s when he chooses to move. First a slow grind, slow circles of his hips that cause sparks to shoot off under Phil’s skin and his spine to curve in pleasure; then Dan is bracing himself on his forearms and he starts thrusting in and out in earnest, The shift in rhythm has Phil moaning and unlocking his legs from around Dan to spread them wider. He plants his feet on the mattress to gain enough leverage to move into the thrusts, but Dan’s solid weight on his chest means he doesn’t have much wiggle room, which of course is only setting his blood on fire faster. There’s no question that Dan knows what he’s doing here.

 Dan is letting out low, sustained moans with every thrust of his hips, and Phil can only clutch on to his shoulders and writhe with every slide of his cock, every sound from Dan’s lips. When Dan buries his face in his neck, his moans start reverberating on Phil’s jaw, adding to the mounting onslaught of near ecstasy. Dan’s shaking slightly, his moans start sounding more and more like the needy whines he makes when Phil gets him really worked up, it is the single hottest thing Phil’s ever heard bar none.

 “Dan,” Phil breathes out. “Are you close?” It’s not a real question, Phil knows he is.

 Dan whimpers, fucking whimpers, and Phil can feel his cock twitch where it’s pressed between their stomachs, fuck. “You feel so good,” Dan whispers into his neck desperately, hips never breaking their maddening pace. “Phil…”

 “Dan, come on, I want to feel you lose it. I want it. Please, come inside me.”

 The sounds Dan makes when he comes, the way he shakes in Phil’s arms and the intimate knowledge of what he’s feeling right now are nearly enough to tip him over the edge a second time. Nearly, but not quite. And so Dan comes, cock buried snugly inside him and body going rigid with almost overwhelming pleasure, and Phil holds him through it and through the aftershocks, until he’s too sensitive to stay inside. He pulls out, but he doesn’t move from where he’s laying on top of Phil, and he sighs contentedly when Phil starts petting his hair with one hand, the other wandering idly through his back.

 After a minute, Dan brings his head up to place a firm close-mouthed kiss straight on his lips, and he grins sleepily down at him, wide and dimpled and so beautiful Phil’s heart flips aggressively in his chest.

 He flops a bit to one side and reaches down to hold Phil in a loose fist, squeezing lightly to watch Phil buck into his hand with a moan.

 “Hmm, yeah,” Phil hums, turning to bury a hand in Dan’s hair and bring him closer for another kiss. “Just like this.”

 The second time he comes, it’s with Dan’s hand pumping his cock, Dan’s body pressed against him and Dan’s tongue inside his mouth.

 ***

 According to most religions, soulmates are divine will made manifest. In many cultures, reproduction is considered part of the natural cycle as well as the obligation of the proper citizen, and so individuals who discovered their soulmate to be of the same sex used to be encouraged to pursue a platonic relationship with their bonded and were historically often pressured either into heterosexual marriages or into monasteries and religious vows of celibacy.

The sexual revolution of the early 20th century put this harmful tradition to rest, and sex-same marriage has been legalised and is protected everywhere in the world by the turn of the millennia.

 ***

 Once they’ve worn themselves down, they settle down for some quality cuddling in bed. In their bed, Phil thinks, deliriously happy. In their house where they live in together. All the time.

 Phil wiggles a little, trying to snuggle even closer into Dan’s chest before subsiding. Without much thought, Dan drags his hand slowly up and down Phil’s naked back in a practised caress.

 “Hmm… that’s nice.” Phil mumbles into his neck.

 “Yeah, it is.” Dan answers softly. After a few comfy seconds of silence, he adds, “I like petting you”. He’s pushing it a little, but he thinks it’ll be fine. Good, even.

 Phil giggles a bit nervously. “That’s weird,” he says, but he doesn’t sound bothered. Dan knew he wouldn’t be.

 “You taught me to embrace weird, years ago.” He places a tiny kiss on Phil’s head. In gratitude.

 Phil just holds on tighter. At the love apparent in Dan’s soft voice, the adoration he engraves on Phil’s skin with every touch. At the reference he’d made, no doubt knowing Phil couldn’t, wouldn’t miss it.

 Phil is weird. He’d always been weird. He’d come to terms with it, had come to appreciate it, even. It is good for creative endeavours, and he’s aiming for a creative profession. On the really good days, with the really good people, he’s come to celebrate it.

 Dan is one of the good people. The best people. Person. Dan is the best person in the world.

 ***

 Phil inspects the toiletries, hair still damp from the shower. "Which one's mine?" He’s taken off his contacts to alleviate the strain on his eyes. It turns out keeping your contacts in through interdimensional time travel and then crying with them on several times in one afternoon tends to cause a slight irritation to the cornea. Who knew.

"The green one," Dan points it out in the line of products arranged neatly on the bathroom cabinet.

Phil sprays the cologne in front of his face so he can smell it. It smells fresh and summery, like freshly cut grass or the open air of the forest.

"And that blue one is yours?"

"Got it in one."

Phil smells that one as well. Still fresh but a tad heavier. Woodsy and with the hint of something fruity? It’s fresh but homier. It’s no contest, really. He likes the idea of smelling like Dan too much to resist picking his.

Dan watches him spray it with a little smile.

“You picked it for me.”

“Oh?”

Dan shakes his head amusedly. “You’re the one with the prodigious sense of smell. I can barely make out the scent, but you really liked it. Apparently, you think it suits me.”

Phil brings the little glass bottle back in front of his face to breathe it in again. He rather loves it. He wonders which came first: does he love it because he already recognises it as Dan’s scent, or did he pick it for Dan because he loved it?

As he applies some on himself, he decides it doesn’t really matter either way.

***

 The jump remains partly locked in the jumper's subconscious once they return to their present day. Whatever they learn stays with them as vague certainties, but if they should try to trace back their certainty to its source they will often not be able to access the memories in question. The entire experience remains, but only the most general outline and a few details will be easily accessible by the conscious mind. Often, the clearest memories will be sensory: a pungent smell, a surprising sound, the feeling of one’s soulmate’s touch on one’s skin; other than that, the prevailing memories are vague impressions: the feeling of comfort and of being loved are the most common.

***

 After basic hygiene is taken care of, Dan turns his attention to the next basic need on the list.

 “Come on, I’ll feed you.”

 He puts on an oversized sweater to brave the cold of the kitchen and gives Phil his Sexual Fantasies sweater, which has Phil raising an eyebrow at him, “What? You are a sexual fantasy,” Dan jokes.

 Phil snorts but begins to put it on anyway. “Only for you.”

 Dan shakes his head, amused. “For a lot of people, actually. I’m lucky I locked you in early on.”

 Phil looks at him, but doesn’t say anything about that. He seems to be processing the idea. Dan can’t imagine why he’d have trouble believing it, he remembers how many people were after him around the time they got together, and the number only kept growing with time.

 “This is yours, isn’t it?”

 “Yeah,” Dan confirms. “It’ll keep you warm. And I’ve always loved seeing you in my clothes.”

 Phil grins at him, tongue poking out between his teeth in that way of his that still makes Dan’s heart flutter in his chest. God, how did he get this lucky?

 “Still possessive, then?”

 “Always.” Dan grins back. “I got better with the jealousy thing, though.” He turns to the closet to look for something for their feet. The floor of the kitchen is cold af in early February. “Uh, took a while.”

 Phil is laughing at the confession. He’s never minded that. Thought it was cute so long as Dan didn’t become openly rude, which hardly ever happened, thankfully. Good manners and etiquette generally won out even in his worse jealous episodes. This meant that he seethed in silence, maybe glared a little, and later, when they were alone, Phil could indulge his possessive streak by acceding to having mindblowing sex and taking the initiative to remind Dan how much he loves him a bit more frequently than usual for the next few days. Win/win.

 Dan finds what he’s looking for and turns around, handing Phil a pair of the Dil bunny slippers, and dropping another for himself.

 “What are those?” Phil says when he sees them, and Dan trips on the completely unexpected meme and barely avoids falling flat on his face by holding on to Phil’s arm. He’s laughing so hard he can’t even catch his breath to explain why he’s laughing, and Phil’s adorably confused face only makes him laugh harder.

 Once he can speak again, Dan explains they’re Sims merch (and purposefully doesn’t say they’re their merch), which makes Phil huff and ask what’s so funny about that.

 “It’s not that, what you said - it’s a meme. An internet joke-”

 “I know what a meme is, Dan, I’m an internet person.”

 Dan laughs again at that. “Yeah, okay. It’s just, memes evolve a lot in ten years. I don’t know if I should show it to you, probably not.” There are rules in place, after all, and for good reason. “The phrase is from, like, a viral video. It was just really unexpected to hear that from you, since you don’t even know the original meme. It was funny.”

 Phil is smiling at him, which still, after all these years, makes Dan smile back at him automatically, but he’s also rolling his eyes and that makes Dan want to wrap his arms around him and squeeze. So he does. Phil squeezes back, as he always has, from that first time they hugged in a Manchester train station, roughly a decade ago. Well, a decade ago for Dan anyway.

 They eventually let go of each other, and Phil stares at him for a few seconds before breaking the silence.

 “Okay, I was promised food.”

                                              [art by @jorzuela]

***

 Phil laughs himself silly the first time he sees the ‘What are those?’ vine. His first instinct is to send it to Dan (who is upstairs), but he can’t quite stop laughing long enough to forward it. Dan follows the wheezing sound to find Phil doubled over on the computer chair, grabbing his sides which ache from the unrelenting laughter as actual tears fall from his eyes. He makes Dan watch the vine and, when asked, he can’t explain why he finds it so funny, he just does.

 Dan shakes his head at him, amused. He’s grinning wide enough that he’s got little crinkles around his eyes. The sight makes something in Phil’s chest clench. He loves that sight: Dan, unreservedly, unambiguously happy,

 Phil appears to be having one of those really sappy days, for some reason. Thankfully, going by the fondness in Dan’s expression when faced with Phil’s inexplicable whims, he seems happy enough to indulge him.

 Phil can’t believe he got so lucky sometimes.

 ***

 To accommodate for the jump, it is illegal to compel jumpers to fill in for their future self at work or work-related events.

 No one knows where people go for the duration of their younger self’s jump, but they disappear for that time and appear again when the jump is over with perfect memories of the event.

  Jumpers don’t lose any time, they go forward into the future, then come back to the point in time they left.

 ***

 Phil sits cross legged over the counter while Dan prepares a simple but filling meal for them both. “The better to watch you slave over for me,” he joked after hopping on. He’s wearing an old pair of his older counterpart’s glasses, since 2019 Phil’s prescription is too strong for him, and they keep slipping down his nose. Dan keeps getting distracted by him, this boy he fell in love with and built a life with; they keep staring at each other and smiling like idiots. It’s kind of ridiculous, but they’re alone in the safety of their home, so Dan doesn’t care if he’s a soft fool.

 Dan can see the second Phil starts gearing up to ask something, but he doesn’t say anything. He’s so familiar with all of this man’s inner workings, all his ticks and habits and thoughts, that he is not surprised when he turns off the heat, meal properly cooked, and hears Phil voice the question that’s been going around in his head probably since he arrived here.

 “We’re happy, aren’t we?”

 His voice is so soft, so hesitant... the question feels like a physical grip around Dan’s heart.

 Dan turns to face him with an expression that he knows their fans would deem a particularly soft Heart Eyes Howell. He can’t help it and frankly, he stopped trying many, many years ago.

 “Yeah…”

 Phil looks like he’ll start crying again any second, and Dan is not much better. Dan's the one with a reputation of crying easily, and not without cause. All things considered, he thinks he's done reasonably well with this whole experience. He takes a deep breath to smother the urge now; he wants to talk about this. He needs to tell Phil.

 “We’re actually the happiest we’ve ever been, and we’ve never been… it’s never been bad. There were things, external things, that put a damper on… things, sometimes. But nothing too bad, and it was never about us, as a couple, you know? External problems and personal problems unrelated to who we are together… And through all of it, we were happy together.”

 Phil bites his lip and nods. He’s losing the battle with his tears, so he pulls the glasses off to rest them on the counter. He looks so small in Dan’s enormous sweater, he’s dabbing at the tears with sweater paws, and Dan suddenly can’t stand to not be touching him. He crosses the space between them in two big strides and grabs Phil’s hips to gently scoot him to the edge of the counter, so that he can hold him properly, and Phil uncrosses his legs and clings to him the second Dan nestles between them, burying his face in Dan’s neck and his hands on his back.

 They stay like that for a long time, clinging to each other and running hands through hair, up and down each other’s back, sides, arms.

 After an insurmountable amount of time - neither one could have guessed how long it was - Phil straightens a bit where he sits but without letting go of where he’s wrapped all around Dan, and whispers into his neck, “I used to worry that I’d never find someone”. It makes Dan’s heart clench, makes him start crying again, and he squeezes Phil harder against his chest. “Before you. Before we met,” Phil continues, and he sounds calmer. Dan is anything but.

 He pulls back, gently, and waits until Dan loosens his grip enough so that he can move back to face him. Phil wipes Dan’s cheeks and the expression on his face is filled with so much love and devotion that Dan can’t help the tears that keep falling.

 “I love you so much,” Phil rasps, this time directly against his lips, hands framing Dan’s face. His thumbs are gently caressing his cheeks, moving with the line of his cheekbone and under his eyes, wiping the tears straight from the source. “I’m so glad you found me,” the whisper ends in a small choked laugh, strangled by the sheer understatement and the high emotions of the tender moment they’re sharing.

 It takes Dan a few minutes to calm down, he’s so filled with love for this man he feels he’s going to rupture from it. These feelings are surely too large, too momentous to be contained in a human body.

 By the time they disentangle - well, relatively, they still want to be as close as they can - they need to reheat their meal.

 ***

 People who had no soulmate used to be regarded with suspicion and mistrust once they reached a certain age, the assumption being that they must have a soulmate that they were concealing due to the match being socially disadvantageous or even disreputable.

  Patriarchal values being what they are, this suspicion was mostly levelled at women, but men had to be careful about keeping appearances as well, especially if they wanted to be in the public eye.

 ***

 After eating, they spend hours talking. They keep touching each other; in little ways, but there’s no single way they haven’t touched each other at some point in time throughout their history. It would feel unnatural not to do it now.

 The finally decide to call it a night when Dan catches Phil yawning for the fifth time in as many minutes. He opens his mouth wide in a big yawn, belatedly bringing his hand to cover it politely. The way he blinks after, as if the sleepiness crept up on him and caught him by surprise, is the cutest fucking thing and Dan wishes he had caught that on video. He really needs to start taking pictures for posterity.

 They go to bed for the night. It’s relatively early for what both of them are used to, but they are physically and emotionally drained and both of them want nothing more than to get some rest and some cuddles

 They mean to turn in immediately, maybe talk a bit more as they lay wrapped all over each other in their bed, but snuggling and talking turns into kissing turns into wandering hands turns into sucking into necks and rutting against each other and mutual blowjobs which finally tire them enough that they fall asleep loosely holding each other.

***

 The next morning they’re happy to wake up to each other. They don’t quite want this to be over yet.

 They sit down on the sofa to eat breakfast, legs entwined and far too close, and chat about nothing of importance for a bit.

 “-for... the… project we’re working on that I shouldn’t tell you about. Shit. I’m bad at keeping things from you.”

 Phil laughs and says nothing about all the little hints he keeps picking up on from Dan’s words, from his actions, from their home. They are small enough that it shouldn’t matter anyway, and he’s reassured by the abundant evidence that they are happy and successful, that they are working together and living together and have built a life together where they can be everything they once dreamed of.

 Once they’re finished, they put the dishes away to deal with later and lay back on the sofa to laze the rest of the morning away. Phil grins when Dan immediately pulls him in to lie on top of him as they flop down. Dan has always been warm and caring, but Phil has always been the one with the insatiable need for physical closeness, and so he is used to being the one to initiate it. Except when Dan is feeling amorous, or particularly sentimental. Or when he’s jealous. The thought puts a devious little smile on his face. Dan mentioned it the previous day, but he wants to hear more about it  

 “So you still get possessive?” Phil brings up the subject again in hopes of hearing more, lifting his head from where it was resting on the place where Dan’s chest meets his collarbones so that he can stare at Dan’s older face a bit more. He’s still so beautiful.

 “Look. I warned you about that very early on, before we physically met, even. You knew about that going in,” he sounds mock defensive, but the amusement shines through on his expression. He’s still feeling high on this whole experience. It’s like his brain decided to make up for all those years of serotonin deficiency by producing its entire accumulated deficit all at once on this single day. Or maybe Dan is so in love that he’s delirious with it and drawing weird metaphors in his head is the only way his brain can cope.

 Phil rests his chin exactly between Dan’s clavicles and hums.

 “It’s a character flaw, but it’s a character flaw you were aware of, and you never once discouraged it.”

 “Mmmhh… I may enjoy it slightly.”

 Dan laughs breathlessly.

 “I got better at it, though.” Phil is momentarily distracted by Dan’s big, soft hands running up his back and lingering, before retracing their path down to his ass. Phil loses his train of thought completely when he feels the hands cup his ass and squeeze. Phil pushes back and squirms a little.

Dan is looking straight at him, and Phil still isn’t used to it, to the intensity of Dan’s eyes on him, the open adoration he can read there. It makes him blush and squirm in an entirely different way, though not an unwelcome one.

 He still blushes when his Dan catches him off guard sometimes. Like that time Dan had been staying with him and Phil forgot to bring an extra towel when he took a shower, and he had to go back into his room with only one towel wrapped around his waist despite the cold. Dan had stared so intently at him Phil had felt stupidly self-conscious until Dan got up from where he’d been browsing Phil’s laptop on the bed, shoved him against the wall and kissed him until Phil forgot what self-consciousness felt like. When Dan dropped to his knees in front of him, Phil had had to lean against the wall for fear of falling down, he’d never felt weak with lust before. Not like that. Not like his entire being was going to vibrate out of his skin in excitement. Dan hadn’t believed him when he told him, afterwards, that he’d honestly just forgotten to replace the towels. He was convinced Phil had been seducing him. He’d rolled his eyes at Phil’s denial. “It worked.”

 Phil couldn’t believe it, sometimes. How much and how badly Dan wanted him. And that was his Dan; skinny, awkward, teenaged Dan, who was so breathtakingly beautiful that all Phil could do sometimes was bite him because he had to get rid of all the nervous energy somehow. Clever, articulate, 19-year-old Dan who seemed more of an adult than Phil sometimes; who would wonder about life’s big questions and their place in the universe one moment and would be matching Phil’s childlike delight at their shared nerdy interests the next. His Dan, who could talk up a storm, but who was always, always, so interested in anything Phil had to say, no matter how childish or weird or nerdy or silly. Phil was still coming to grips with being loved by that Dan, his Dan, so to be facing this older version was understandably wrecking his composure a little.

 This man who held him so tenderly, who still looked at him as if Phil was all he’d ever need, this man who still touched him like he was precious, like he was blessed just to be able to touch him; this man who looked grown and confident and self-assured in a way his Dan only sometimes managed. This man who was somehow the most beautiful person he’d ever seen yet not, because that was a description reserved for his Dan, but this was who his Dan would grow into, so it probably doesn’t matter that Phil can’t figure that out.

 Phil is still a bit awed that he’d ended up with this gorgeous, loving, lovely creature, that he had somehow built a home with him, and that a full decade later he’d still get to have this: these looks of wonder, this tenderness, this love. Phil can read his Dan on this man’s features, and that is the most awe-inspiring part of it all.

 ***

 “Oh, it’s snowing!” Phil exclaims, visibly excited.

 Dan turns to the window and, indeed, there’s snow falling down and getting stuck on the edge of their windowsill. “Huh. Let’s go outside,” Dan proposes spontaneously, an idea taking shape in his mind’s eye. “We can make hot cocoa. We have instant, so it’ll only take a couple minutes.”

 Phil takes his eyes off the window to turn a confused look to Dan. He has the cutest little frown, Dan can feel himself smiling like the besotted fool he is.

 “Shouldn’t we stay inside? Uh, avoid people and such?”

 “Oh, yeah. I meant outside as in ‘our own patio’, not outside as in ‘the street.’”

 “Oh, we have a patio?” He turns to watch the snow through their living room window again. “Let’s do it.”

 Dan takes his hand and drags him into the kitchen to heat the water and find the mixing powder. He points to their hall closet and tells Phil to pick a coat while he makes their drinks, and as soon as Phil is distracted perusing their selection of coats Dan is sneaking a bag of mini marshmallows into his sweater’s pocket.

 “The drinks are done,” he calls into the hall.

 Phil reappears wearing his blue winter coat and holding one of Dan’s. “I figured the black ones were yours,” his voice tilts at the end as if asking for confirmation, but his little smile tells Dan he already knows the answer.

 “Yeah,” Dan confirms anyway. He bundles up, takes the steaming mugs of chocolatey goodness in both hands, and leads the way to their patio doors.

***

 It’s still snowing by the time they make it outside, thankfully.

 Dan places the cups on the little round patio table that’s right under their balcony. That should keep them safe from the snow.

 “You want to take a picture?” Phil asks when he sees Dan open the camera app on his phone.

 “I want to take 12 billion pictures, are you kidding me?” Dan wraps his right arm around Phil’s waist and squeezes lightly. “If that’s okay with you? We don’t have to, I’d just like the physical reminder.”

 “Of course. Why would I mind?”

 Dan shrugs. No harm in making sure.

 They posed for a few selfies (a few dozen, really, but that was due to Dan taking so many in quick succession). Dan’s favourite photo would turn out to be from when Phil turned to kiss his cheek and the camera captured Dan’s mild surprise, which quickly turned into a wide smile.

 Of course, Phil had then licked Dan’s dimple, making Dan shriek and break out in giggles while Phil laughed into his cheek.

 Dan’s second favourite would be the one he snapped of Phil with his mouth open mid-exclamation and both hands wrapped firmly around his mug as Dan dropped a handful of the mini marshmallows he’d smuggled outside into Phil’s cup right before Phil took the first sip of his hot chocolate.

***

 Another detour to the bedroom leaves them boneless and sweaty and reminiscing on their first time together.

 “God, I was so nervous.”

 “Yeah,” Dan smiles impossibly wide at the memory. “It made me feel so much better.”

 Phil sputters out a laugh at the unexpected admission, “Better? If anything, it should have made you feel more nervous, too!”

 “Nope.” Dan flicks his glabella gently, an old habit. “It made me so much more confident.”

 “You are so weird,” Phil faux-complains, visibly fond. Dan rolls his eyes at him, but he isn’t any less enamoured.

 “You’d had sex with men before. You clearly knew what you were doing.” Dan shuffles a bit and resettles so that he can look Phil in the eye. “You touched me like you knew my body already.” A short pause when he seems to reconsider his words. “Well, that’s what it felt like, anyway. I know what that’s actually like now. But it felt like it; like you could play my body like a master violinist with a Tchaikovsky piece.” The reference gets Dan an eyeroll. God, Dan loves it when Phil gets sassy. It gets him hot and bothered at the most inappropriate times. It’s a problem.  

 “My point is: you weren’t nervous because of the sex, you had that down.”  His voice gets softer as he remembers a much younger Phil hovering over him, kissing him until Dan forgot to be nervous, or scared, or self-conscious. He remembers pulling back from the kiss to breathe, he’d never felt so wonderfully consumed by another person, he’d wanted to drown in this man. Then Phil had asked Dan if he was sure, again, told him to stop him if he changed his mind, or if he wanted to slow down, or if Phil did anything he didn’t like, and Dan realised for the first time since they’d kissed and officially become a thing that Phil was still nervous. He was babbling, and his hands were shaking, Dan had been too distracted by the feeling of Phil’s tongue in his mouth, Phil’s hands on him, Phil’s chest against him, pressing him against Phil’s bed, Phil on top of him holy shit, to notice that Phil was terrified.

 “Well, kind of, I guess. I was a little nervous about the sex, too. I wanted to make it good for you.”

 “You did,” Dan interjects.

 “But I was really nervous,” Phil mock glares at him, and Dan discreetly writhes against him a little. Phil’s eyes are laughing at him, so Dan guesses he wasn’t that discreet after all. Oh, well. Phil knows what those looks do to him, that was basically his fault.

 “I was nervous,” Phil continues with a softer voice, “because I was falling in love with you, and I had no idea how to deal with it. I’d never felt anything like that for anyone before. You know that.”

 “Yeah. That’s why.”

 “Hm?”

 “That’s why I felt better. It made me realise I wasn’t alone in that. So of course it made me more confident.”

 Phil shakes his head at him, smiling. “Did you seriously not know that already?”

 Dan bites his lip, but he‘s smiling; Phil stares at his dimples. He always stares at Dan’s dimples. He’d never get enough of them. Of Dan. “I’d hoped,” Dan says simply.

 “Who could resist you, Howell?”

 Dan actually chuckles at that. “Most people?”

 “Fools,” Phil declares with conviction. “Heathens.”

 “Doesn’t matter anyway. I’m not interested in any of them,” Dan assures him, sneaking his hand under Phil’s arm to stroke his back.

 “Mmhhh…” Phil lays back against Dan’s chest and makes a triumphant, happy sound. “...damn right.”

***

 Ancestral knowledge has warned us about the dangers of disclosing too much information about the future, even with the built-in failsafes that nature has wisely provided us with (i.e. the temporary blurring of the memories). As some details can survive the jump back, it is strongly encouraged that the future half of the bonded pair resist the temptation to divulge too much. Anecdotal evidence from times immemorial consistently shows that instances where too much information about the future is retained by the jumper, said information will invariably lead to negative effects in the jumper's life whenever they try to use that information as guidance.

 ***

 “Don’t look!” Dan yelled from where he was apparently hiding a bunch of board games from Phil.

 “I already said I wouldn’t!” Phil, studiously looking the other way, rolled his eyes. He’d been excited when Dan proposed playing some board games, and even more excited when he saw the tall cabinet filled to the brim with so many of them. He’d been less impressed when Dan screeched and forcibly turned him around with wide eyes.

 “Wait. Shit. There’s a couple games you maybe shouldn’t see. To be safe.”

 Phil thought it was overkill, but Dan was the type to worry about things like that, and Phil didn’t really mind, so he went with it. Although he really couldn’t see how getting a sneak peek into the board games that would be coming out in the next few years might classify as too much information about the future.

 “Alright, crisis averted!” Dan pronounced like the utter drama queen he could be when the mood struck him, and Phil turned to face him again. “Now, which one of these perfectly familiar board games which totally exist in 2010 would you like to play?”

***

 “Do you want to film a video?” Dan finally asks on their second night together. He’s been turning the idea around in his head. “Not to upload, just for us, I mean. We could play a game, or ask each other questions, or… I don’t know, do whatever you want.”

 Phil lights up both at the suggestion and the information Dan’s let slip without even noticing. So they were still making videos to upload on the internet.

 “Yes! Let’s!”

 Dan grins back and him and leads him to their room to get the camera.

***

 The entirety of the jump experience is ‘unlocked’ upon the jumper naturally reaching the point in time to which they jumped. The memories cristallise at this time and can from this point forward be recalled with perfect clarity for the remainder of the person’s life.

*** 

 Dan only looks away for a moment, but that was enough. When he looks back, it’s over, and Dan turns to find the current version of Phil standing right where the 23-year-old had been a mere moment ago.

 Dan smiles, equally happy to see any version of Phil now that he has ample photographic and video evidence of Phil’s jump to relish and treasure forever. “Welcome back.”

 Phil grins brightly at him. “You were so good,” he says softly. His voice has taken that particular tender quality that Dan has only occasionally been able to bring out in him when he’s made really big or really dumb romantic gestures. Having just got through his jump probably justifies it coming out now.

 Dan bites his lip through his own grin. “Yeah?”

 “Did younger me tire you out? Because I have a mighty need, suddenly, to show you how much I appreciate how good you were...” He trails off and waggles his eyebrows with exaggerated vigor, like the absolute nerd he is. That makes them both laugh giddily, a bit drunk on the intensity of the whole experience.

 “I am pretty tired… but you’re worth the extra effort.”

 Phil giggles at his big, silly, wonderful dork of a partner, his soulmate, tongue poking out in that way that Dan has told him a million times is endearing don’t you dare stop doing it, Lester, don’t you fucking dare.

 “Sap,” Phil accuses with a sappy smile of his own.

 “Lies and slander, I am but the cold, empty reflection of the unfeeling void.”

 Phil laughs in his face, takes his hand in his, and leads him to their room.

                                              [art by @jorzuela]

[theycallhimcake]

I don’t like doing this normally, feel free to skip.

I don’t really like having negative stuff near my drawings, since no one’s here for any of that, but I feel like people hafta know about this guy in order to prevent any potential trouble. I try to keep my content strictly art, and I hate call out posts... but since he keeps threatening to release our dms, I figured I’d save him the trouble. A dude named sexyblimp has been stalking and harassing me for a bit and I just found out today that apparently he was following me around when I went to AX. He’s apparently kinda famous for being a huge creep. He has his own reddit thread. https://www.reddit.com/r/BellyExpansion/comments/7xl0e3/usexyblimp_harrasment_megathread/ Sexyblimp is some kind of agent from a group of girls who do VA for inflation/expansion stuff, for context.  tl:dr version: I agreed to retweet something of his, found out he was bad, deleted it, re-retweeted it because I felt bad, but he kept harassing me, as well as being publicly a creep on twitter. Then he stalked me IRL in Cali.

He also likes threatening me with the dms... which is funny, because I’ve compiled most of it here. If he posted it, it would only make him look like a jackass . If I posted it, 40 thousand people can see exactly how much of a prick he is and maybe save themselves some time in case he decides to approach you. It starts off innocently enough.

He mentions getting a commission for a friend. That’s fine. I’m not open but I hear him out. I’m a little busy at this time. We talk about the comm, but I don’t do it. Design comms require more effort and I was a tad busy. But this is where the trouble started.

Sounds like an okay deal. I bump his patreon on my twitter, he offers to help me out. Sounds good. I was already set for the airbnb, but more money never hurts. We talk a bit, he shows me some of the voice acting work his team has done, I compliment it. As he’s done work for graphiteknight too, my rough past with him is briefly mentioned. He mentions having had trouble with mods in his stream before... truth be told, that should have been a red flag. He’s apparently known for being an argumentative jackass and I can imagine Matt and his mods not wanting to put up with his shit. But, we continue. He continues to bring up the retweet.

I tell him that I’m okay retweeting his thing without him paying me, and make a joke about my own ko-fi links (btw thank you guys who helped out!). After some thought I really didn’t want any money from this dude, as I don’t like having people hold things over me like this. I decide I’ll just retweet his thing without asking for anything.

He’s excited and persistent. That’s fine. He’s nervous about bothering me. He kinda was, but it wasn’t a big deal. Dude’s a little pushy, but he’s just excited, right? But his nervousness for bothering me is outshadowed by his persistence of my retweeting his Patreon post.  I give him some advice to make his patreon a little more presentable. It was a little rough around the edges, so I suggest some changes. No biggie. He agrees and makes some adjustments. We talk about Cassie’s voice for a bit. When I reweeted, I made a joke about Sexyblimp being the “voice man”, which is just how I tweet sometimes. He asks me to fix it as to not imply that it was just male VA... which I thought was sorta obvious, but alright, I change it. 

Man this guy is persistent. But it’s all good. But then we run into trouble. I retweet this guy’s thing, but someone I’ve known since deviantart comes up to me with a whole bunch of stuff, apparently the guy is an insane creepazoid who didn’t pay his VA, and constantly gets into arguments and gets banned everywhere he goes. He sends me this: https://www.reddit.com/r/BellyExpansion/comments/7xl0e3/usexyblimp_harrasment_megathread/ I delete the retweet upon hearing this, in a sort of panic. 

sighs. I know what it’s like to get accused of things. I know what it’s like being the bad guy. I feel kinda bad for him. Maybe he got the short end of the stick. Maybe. He just released a comic dub of Cassie, but like.... this was some disconcerting news. And I really, really should have paid attention.

He sounds genuine, and I know what it’s like to have groups of people lie about you. That was my mistake. But, I offer to retweet it again after the heat died down. This is when things start getting bad. He asks me why I deleted it, even after I mentioned taking his word for it. He starts getting pushy.

Holy fuck. What the hell did he want from me? I offered to retweet his Patreon thing after I had another drawing to post or something, just to not annoy the people following me. Whatever. We talk about Cassie’s voice briefly. The voice they gave her was a little bubblier than I’d have liked for her (though the VA was very good).

I did it.

Ooooh boy. Here we go. I subtly tell him I don’t want anything else to do with him, money or otherwise, then he busts out the attitude thing. This moron has officially made himself a nuisance. Keep in mind this is after I retweeted the damn thing, again.

This guy won’t leave me alone. I gave him a peaceful out. He decides to keep fighting with me. These parts speak for themselves.

“Two days as opposed to two minutes.” He expected me to do it again immediately. Keep in mind, once again, I fucking did it. 

I don’t want anything from this lunatic. But whatever. Later on he asks me if I’d still be willing to do his commission. Fuck no. But I try to be polite regardless. At this point I fucking hate this guy. On Twitter he likes to annoy people who interact with me, and after calling Maggie a cat and I mention she’s a dog, then he says “well, I like it better cuz kitty titty ryhmes” I have no fucking patience for this guy. It wouldn’t really have been a big deal at all if this moron hadn’t been a total creep to me and my followers, as he’s not the first person to joke about it, and it’s not something I would really care about in a different case. But this guy is fucking annoying.

Oooh boy, he threatens to screencap me. I’m so scared. Because obviously he’s the victim in this transaction. He mentions the screencaps people took of him, the apparent hundreds of them. So he’s not wrong for wanting to screencap me. Apparently. Okay.

He makes a creepy joke about people fucking the Cassie bodypillow, in public, then wonders why I’m annoyed at him. I mean, I was already annoyed, but this guy doesn’t really ever help himself. He thinks I’m mad about the cat thing. I’m mad that he’s a psycho time vampire who’s sucking my life away.

No one liked that joke.

Yeah, he conveniently forgot the other weird responses he sends for every drawing. But whatever. Apparently I’m obsessive... despite wanting to have ended this relationship completely awhile back.

The man is insane. 

I don’t like blocking people. I used to not like blocking people, anyways.

This motherfucker still thinks I’m talking about the cat thing. He’s not the only one to have made that joke in the first place, but he doesn’t understand that the reason I’m annoyed with him is because he will NOT LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

I blocked him then. I’m so sick of this shit. No word from his after this. Apparently he likes telling people we’re still friends. That’s funny. But whatever. I go to AX. A friend informs me that he was at AX and had been following me. I wasn’t worried, or I was too caught up in having a good time. Maybe I should have been worried. He sends him curiouscat asks saying that he saw me at AX. And that brings us to today. Under a different name, he decides to be annoying about the cat thing. I figure out it’s him. He has the nerve to contact me after that shit. I block him. Immediately after...

I like how that’s what he’s fixated on. Not being a pushy asshole. Not whining at me even after I retweeted his Patreon, again. Not demanding an apology from me. Nope. The cat thing. On top of that, he was creeping on me IRL. That’s nice. If he had backed off, this woulda all been private. But following me IRL and continuing to harass me is going a little too far.  He goes by lots of names... Boonie, Sexyblimp, etc. he makes multiple accounts in discord to argue with others and make fake people agreeing/defending him. He’s had trouble with his VAs before. Shady as shit, needy, and mentally ill. If you’re a hyper boob person/artist of any kind then I warn you, stay the hell away from him. Even a minor interaction can end up badly. I’m going to be closing my asks for awhile until he decides to move the fuck on and stop bothering me. In the meantime, don’t be him. Don’t harass him. Just stay as far away from him as possible.

[velvetyshu]

it's no problem! i enjoy sending random asks to people + i know how lonely it can feel on here sometimes (which is ironic considering the fact that it's called social media). also don't feel bothered at all for sending me anything in my inbox!

if you know going to a hospital will help you with your mental health, then go for it tbh. whatever you decide to do, i'll support. <3

about the story: tbh i've been suffering with writer's block for the past few months, which is why i didn't start the story earlier 😭 but now i've come to a realization that i really want to write something, and i'll only feel more stuck if i don't write at all - so i started putting some words on a page and that was it! my writer's block was done for! i have a little sneak peak for you too!!

You walked out the room, shutting the door quietly behind you, only to meet a familiar pair of eyes at the far end of the hallway. Scaramouche... He was dressed in more casual garb than the day before, yet his wide hat still sat atop his head. Three soldiers knelt before him, the apparent victims of his anger that morning. His arms were folded across his chest menacingly, and his beautiful features were twisted into a tight frown. In the light, you could make out thin, purple strands that were nested among his deep blue hair, a detail you hadn't noticed during the inauguration ceremony.

it's not a lot, but i didn't want to spoil too much 😭 i'm thinking of just writing, and debuting the first few chapters on scara's important days! like the first chapter will be released on his character teaser, second for his demo, etc. lmk what you think about that!

OH im so glad you were lucky with childe and his weapon 😭😭 praying for both of us to have that luck with scara when he comes by! i have 128 wishes + 45 pity (it's crazy ik,,,i've been saving since the beginning of september for this man) and honestly i'm kinda hoping he comes home early so i can get his weapon! i believe his teaser/trailer is coming out this thursday? just a rough estimation,,,but i'm so excited!

also i had no idea you draw??? do you do digital or traditional art? i started digital early october and tbh it's going pretty okay 😭 do you have a side acct for art or anything?

+ i would love to give you my uid!! honestly i've been pretty bummed these past few days because i've met a couple interesting people who i wanted to play with, but they weren't on NA servers,,,but i'm so glad you are!! i'll dm you my uid tmrw, and when we both get scara, we can take lots of pictures 🙏😋

Of course! I’ll do my best to keep that in mind. I do agree though, most of the time it feels quite lonely in tumblr. I try to socialize with people once In a while but they never seem to get in touch. It’s understandable though, they have a life to live at the fullest!

But no rush when writing about the story! Take your time and even take breaks when you’re facing writers block. It’s a huge pain to deal with, I can relate to not gaining any motivation or feel like there’s a flaw in my writing. My ideas just…die out in the process of making them y’know? EITHER WAY YOUR STORY IS GOING GREAT! I’m really excited to see what’s in store for the future. Though, I can see where you’re coming from and I think it’s a good idea to release the first chapter and so on in days like those! Might make him feel special. 🤝

I’m really thankful to have Childe since he’s one of my favorite characters (comfort as well), and just having him by my side is enough. I only need to pair him up with scara as the harbinger team and hopefully I can collect more in the future! (Such as Sandrone, columbina..) I wish you luck on his banner, though I doubt I’ll get him quickly. I’m not even guaranteed and I’m so nervous about that 😞. I’ve started saving up since that Zhongli rerun, and I’m glad I had enough wishes to wait for when scaramouche finally releases! I promise to offer you all my prayers and luck to when his banner is available. 🙏

Yeah! I draw, however I only make sketches on my notebook since I don’t have enough money to purchase anything to draw digitally. More importantly I’d go insane if it were traditional art. There’s just too many hours to work on something and they get ruined by a margin. Not only that but I get art block 24/7. I used to have a side account for my art but I deleted it ever since, just felt like it wasn’t necessary or my drawings were plain and boring. But I’m glad you’re doing great drawing digitally! You should share some of your art with me sometime. <3

Aw, that’s a shame though. Many of my comrades/acquaintances either don’t play Genshin anymore, or just play in a different server. Most of the time I only co-op in bosses since I feel like it’s very interesting and fun to keep me occupied! But now that I know you’re in NA, I’m very excited. I wont let you down with those photo-shoots though, let’s give it everything we got to help each other and bring scaramouche home!