#I know sometimes that happens when I click the link on a fic that I know is still there

[kaizokuniichan]

i wanted to re read attention bc i’m feral for zoro but i can’t find it!!!?!?!! plz say u didn’t delete 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲 i loveeee that fic

Wait really?? That must be some tumblr glitch bc I definitely did not delete it!! Also thank you for wanting to reread it!! 🥹

Here are the links: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Still working on Part 4 currently! I can’t give an exact timeframe of when it’ll be done, I’m so exhausted from work most days so it takes me a lot to get motivated 🧎🏾‍♀️ but I promise I’m not abandoning it 💜

[jasntodds]

Scars [J.T.]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

Summary: Jason lets you trace over his y scar

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, scars, mentions of death, bruises, cuts, general minor injuries, hurt/comfort

Words: 1,765

A/n: I just wanted something a little soft for once. If you wanna be tagged in my fics, you can click the link below, send me an ask/comment, or follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary and turn on notifications if you prefer that!!

masterlist | request info | tag list

Jason carries the weight of every horrible, traumatic, and agonizing event that’s ever happened to him across his body, etched in pale and raised lines across him like a used roadmap. He wears them as cruel reminders that this life is unfair and unjust, even when he tries his hardest to make it so. There are some he pays no mind to, and doesn’t even really notice most days because they are there. That’s that. But, there are others…there are others he looks at as a punishment for everything he’s ever done and everything he never was and could never be. They’re reminders, laughing back at him every day, a sinister echo of his mistakes.

Most days, he tries to pay them no mind, either.

You’re sitting on your knees right beside Jason, his side pressed against the bare skin of your calf. Your eyes are trained on his exposed abdomen, showcasing the scars and cuts and bruises he’s collected over the last few years.

It wasn’t that seeing his body covered in new and old injuries was jarring. That was mostly fine. After the first few weeks of being friends, it stopped being jarring because that's just how it is with Jason. He gets hurt sometimes. It comes with the job and you accept that part of him. The bruises and cuts were very rarely ever jarring. The other scars were never really jarring because of course he has them. That always made sense to you. It's the autopsy scar that is jarring.

With the others, he'd told you it comes with the job and then he'd watch your face contort into a scrunch of worry and paranoia over his well-being, something he doesn't think he deserves most days. When the comment didn't ease your worry, he'd kiss you and give his signature cocky grin, a silent promise that he's fine and the conversation would end. The autopsy scar conversation is never so simple.

You knew he died because he told you not long before you made things official. You knew the story about the Joker and his mom. He told you of the horrid night and bits of pieces of the after. But this is your first time seeing the physical damage of the night that still wakes him up in the middle of the night. Your chest aches for him and it's jarring because he did die and he has to carry that kind of weight forever, something you'll swear until the day you die he doesn't deserve.

With delicate fingers, you trace over the long line of the autopsy scar, Jason’s eyes glancing from your hand to your face. His stomach tenses with the movement and you can’t tell if it’s because your hands are cold, it tickles, or he’s uncomfortable. If you know Jason, you’re kind of figuring it’s the third option. So, you glance back to him, chewing the inside of your cheek.

“This okay?” You ask softly.

“It’s fine.” Jason answers, his thumb lightly brushing over your thigh furthest away from him. “Bother you?”

Jason has been cautious not to show you because he knows how he feels about it. He knows that you worry. Seeing some sort of proof of death seems like it might send you spiraling into some sort of tornado of worry until you spin too far away from him. He's been cautious because he adores you and he doesn't want to lose you and he doesn't want it scare you.

You look back to the scar, tracing over it again. “No.” You answer quietly. It hurts your chest because it happened to him. It happened to him and nothing in this world could ever justify the torture and pain he's been through. It doesn't bother you because it is a part of him and you adore him with every beat your heart drums. “Bothers you though.”

Jason’s brows pull together. “How’d you figure?” There’s the slightest bit of a bite in his words like a scared puppy, a default reaction to being seen.

“Why wouldn’t it?” The question leaves your lips freely with unfiltered candor.

Seeing it for the first time, yeah it bothered him. It bothered him because what was the point? It wasn’t some mystery how he died. Maybe it was just legal reasons bullshit that Jason doesn’t care about. Though, he does fully understand that maybe if he hadn’t come back, he wouldn’t care. Or if it had healed, he wouldn’t care. So, that’s something he can’t really blame Bruce for. Instead, it’s that it’s there. Looking back at him in the mirror. Staring up at him when he looks down. It’s always there. It’s as if he was cut open and the weight of death and punishment and regret scattered over his organs and bones, making sure he understands the weight of his own consequences. He just can’t quite shake it and the scar is the reminder.

"I guess." Jason lets out this shaky breath as his stomach tenses below your fingertips.

"It's okay if it bothers you, Jay." You assure him. "I'd bother me if I were you but..." You pause for just a second, pressing an open palm over some of the raised edges of the scar as your eyes are locked on his. "I hope it doesn't bother you too much because you got to live and I don't care what the other bats thought about it at first because I'm glad you got to come back. And you deserve to let the weight off your shoulders for once." Your eyes go back to the scar and trace up the line from the center of his stomach up to the right side of his chest.

Jason's thumb is rubbing lightly against your skin and he wonders why you make it seem so simple. No part of him thinks you believe it's simple but there's something in the way that you say it that almost gives Jason some sort of faith in the idea of it. That maybe there is a day where it won't feel like he's carrying the weight of the world. Maybe there is a day someday where he won't feel the aching and longing of his bones. You offer him tenderness and kindness when the majority of his life has been nothing but skinned knees and broken hearts.

That feels terrifying, too but...maybe he's tired of running away from things because they're good for him. And good to him.

Seeing the autopsy scar for the first time bothered him. Seeing it yesterday bothered him. But, at this exact point in time with your fingers running along the tattered edges, it doesn’t bother him so much.

“Thank you.” Jason holds his words steady with a sort of caution at the edges. "It's not bothering me now." His voice is quiet as his eyes glance to you and then back to your fingers on his skin.

He is entirely exposed to you now. There’s no going back even if that is absolutely terrifying. Jason keeps himself guarded to protect himself and protect everyone else around him. But, you make letting the guard down a little bit easier. You’re tender and delicate with him, two things no one ever is. At no point have you ever thought less of him for the things he’s done and things he’s seen, or the things that rip his body to shreds. You take him as he is and offer him understanding and kindness, two things Jason has been desperate to get from anyone. And he is so thankful for you.

“Good.” Your voice is quiet before your stare goes back to the scar. “I hope it never bothers you again.”

Jason sits up, closing some of the distance between you while you rest your hands in your lap. His eyes run over your face slowly while the corner of his mouth is pinched barely upwards. He looks content. He looks comfortable. His heart is beating a mile a minute as it’s about to run through his ribs. There’s something fluttering against it, something that feels warm and welcoming in the beating of his heart. There’s something that makes his breathing unsteady without ever sucking the air from his lungs. There is something that feels comfortable and like a home he didn’t think he’d ever find.

Jason leans forward, resting his forehead against yours and your entire body relaxes in that instant. He pulls away, pressing a kiss to your nose and then to your cheek before he rests his head in the crook of your neck. You turn your head and press a kiss to his temple before your hands come to his cheeks to pick his head up.

His eyes lock on your eyes and you adore him. You adore him for all that he is today. The scars never really bothered you because they hold him together. All of them have a story that has led Jason Todd to who he is today. They are proof that he is alive. They are proof that even when he was hurt, even when he was murdered, he is alive. The air can be pulled into his lungs and oxygen will circulate through his cells again. He is alive. The autopsy scar is just further proof to you because he shouldn’t have been brought back but he was. And that was for a reason. That scar is just another piece of proof he is meant to be here. It is another mark of how he got here today and you, for one, are eternally thankful that he is here today.

Your thumbs are running over his cheeks and Jason swears he has never felt so wanted by anyone. And he doesn’t feel so damn alone in the world anymore. He feels important and he only hopes he makes you feel the same way. He can only hope you understand how much you mean to him and that he is just as important to you.

Your lips come to his and he melts into your touch as he kisses you back. His hand comes up to the back of your head to pull you in closer. And he thinks he might do everything in his power to have more moments like these with you. You can trace his scars and he can tell you about them and you can exist in the bubble where it is only the two of you. You can trace his scars and he can run his fingers along your thigh and you both can feel wanted and important. And loved.

Tag List: @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai  // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss // @ghostkingblake // @dgraysonss // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @vivian-555 // @kebonita // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover // @captainmarvels-blog // @totallynotkaibiased // @scarlovesyou // @whydoyoucare866 // @littlemeowmeow1000 // @septixtrash // @kplatzman // @killxz // @achromaticerebus // @lovefks // @kolpvii

[kataang-week]

Trick or Treat, Kataangers!🎃

Katara and Aang sprites from Distant Horizon. Graphic created by Mod Belle @itsmoonpeaches.

🦇What is Kataang Halloween?

Kataang Halloween is a one-time, three-day mini-event hosted and created by @kataang-week on Tumblr for the first time this year. (However, there is potential for it to happen again in the future.) Kataang Halloween celebrates Kataang with a Halloween theme. All prompts were chosen by the mod team.

🦇Cool, when is it?

Kataang Halloween starts on Thursday, October 31, 2024, and ends on Saturday, November 2, 2024.

🦇What are the prompts?

In honor of Halloween, we're using lucky number 13! There are 13 prompts for each adventure.

"Trick" prompt list:

Old Spirits

Family Secrets

Altered State

Moonlight

Teeth

Demon Claws

The Deep

Offerings

Inner Palace

Lost

Grotto

Cliff Edge

Poison

"Treat" prompt list:

Taffy

Candied Haws

Lanterns

Mid-Autumn

Mooncake

Crunchy Leaves

Warm Drinks

Pumpkins

Chrysanthemum

Sharing

Toadstools

Apple Picking

Paint

🦇So how does this work?

Choose your own adventure! You can take inspiration from the Trick prompts, Treat prompts, or both! Feel free to mix and match prompts to create spooky and/or sweet Kataang content.

Anything you can think of counts as content as long as you fill one or multiple prompts at a time. Fanfics, fanart, gifsets, metas, edits, playlists, moodboards, music, etc.—the sky's the limit.

🦇What are the rules?

Please create your own original pieces. We do not accept AI-made fanworks.

We only accept new works created for Kataang Halloween, not works that are retroactively said to be created for Kataang Halloween. However, you may create something that fills a Kataang Halloween prompt for an ongoing work like a chapter fic or an ongoing series. See this ask for more information.

We accept all range of works. However, bear in mind that this is an all-ages event. If your work contains themes or imagery that may be intended for older audiences, tag and warn people thoroughly. Works with adult content must have an all-ages appropriate preview.

Do not repost other people's works. Reblog their original post if one exists.

If a creator/author/artist has requested you to post their work for them, remember to credit the original and link back to their page.

Be respectful in your fanworks and to others participating or enjoying the event.

🦇How should I tag my work?

The easiest way for us to find your work so we can reblog it to this blog is by using the tag “kataang halloween”. Using “kataang” and “kataangtag” also help. You must tag one of the three in your first five tags otherwise it doesn’t appear in the search. It is also helpful to tag us directly with @kataang-week.

Sometimes even properly tagged posts may not appear when we search the tags, so if you do not see your content reblogged, please let us know.

Once we’ve reblogged it to this blog we add our own tags (a prompt tag and a user tag) for easy organization. This means we can find all the work for one prompt or all the work from one user in one easy click (this also means that if you have changed your username since participating last year you need to let us know so we can update your tag!).

🦇Can I post my stuff other places online too?

Of course you can! However, we won’t be able to reblog anything that isn’t a Tumblr post.

For those of you who will be posting your works on AO3, feel free to add your fic to our Kataang Halloween AO3 collection.

🦇What if I have late submissions for Kataang Week 2024?

While we will not reblog any late submissions for Kataang Week 2024 during the Kataang Halloween event, late submissions for Kataang Week 2024 will still be accepted up until Kataang Week 2025, so don’t be shy and don’t worry about giving the world more Kataang content 💖 We always welcome it!

As always, if you have any questions, feel free to submit an ask to the Kataang Week blog. See you on Halloween, Kataangers!

🦇Who are the mods?

@airbender-dacyon AKA Mod Dan: A Kataang fanfic writer who prefers fluff, but also loves some drama and angst. Mod Dan started writing Kataang stories in 2013 and has helped organize Kataang Week since 2016.

@penguinsledder AKA Mod Atarah: A writer, gif maker, and musician–she enjoys fluffy young adult Kataang and all the ways they complement and parallel each other. She first joined Tumblr for Kataang Week 10 years ago, and started helping out with writing posts and making banners as a mod since 2016!

@itsmoonpeaches AKA Mod Belle: An avid Kataanger with a penchant for angst and mild violence who likes writing. Mod Belle has been a mod since 2021 and helps write posts and social media.

@chocomd AKA Mod Celes: Fanfic writer who adores Kataang for their fun and flirty side but also their bond forged through grief and loss. Mod Celes joined in 2023 and helps with a little bit of everything - whatever needs to be done!

[sanaexus]

please please please

an isagi yoichi social media fic

pairing: isagi yoichi x model!reader

synopsis : modeling was fun, especially when you go to make friends and what happens when that exact friend goes to the same high school? the friendship of course continues into college. where you get your heart broken and the internet gets to know but then you meet a certain someone that makes you fall for them. so what happens then? chaos.

tags : social media au, celebrity au, college au, strangers to lovers, miscommunication, fluff, teensy bit of angst (not bc of isagi he's a baby), crack, humor (hopefully i do justice to the last two)

warnings : drinking and mentions of being drunk, swear words, fem reader, sometimes suggestive but nothing too bad

status : ongoing (19/06/2024-??/??/????)

-playlist

teasers

número uno número dos número tres (i swear i mean no offense)

profiles

name's baes

happiness n maturity is realizing you're gay

chapters ¡! ❞

chapters with written parts has a "✩" symbol

era ¡!: highschool

era ¡!: college

episodes ¡!: 01. "you can't just ask people to suck your dick" 02. "i don't know i'm panicking but i'm too hot to worry" ✩ 03. "this better be a fucking joke" ✩

taglist for this series is open¡! taglist (you can click this link or just ask in the comments<3)

the first divider was by @/xxbimbobunnyxx. all credits to her!

omg my first series? like a proper series?? i'm so excited for this smh. i hope i don't js lose interest in the middle. i'm still figuring out the tiny details of the story but i do have the plot planned a bit sort of kinda. i don't know how long i want it to be exactly but we'll roll with it<3 also thank you to @melodiclune for helping me figuring out alot of this shit (i love her)

[inklessletter]

Congratulations, first of all, for reaching the milestone 💐💐💐 you deserve every single follower, and then some. Your art is always so pretty and I love how you bring us along during your process.

Secondly, would you like to make art based on this fic of mine? I'm thinking right at the beginning, when Eddie falls to his knees on stage and he and Steve have their "moment".

Thank you for hosting this fanart party ❤️

Steve tilts his head, and Eddie prepares for a kiss. He gets no lips, only tongue; Steve licks his mouth, from one corner to the other.

🎸🎸🎸

@2btheanswertothequestion

This one was SO MUCH FUN TO DO. I had trouble finding good references for the ambiance, but I love the result. Please, go read the fic, it's so good.

I know that I don't know many of the users that sent me requests a few weeks ago, but I've got a tiny story to tell about this one (I'm getting to know you little by little and I'm falling for every single one of you, you talented fuckers). They are the reason I am in Tumblr. It happens that I created an account many months ago, and didn't know how to use this, I just clicked "follow" to the tags and the blogs ST/Steddie related that posted fics and arts, and on my way to work, in the bus, I read the first chapter of a fanfic that made lose my stop (literally, I got late to the office that day).

Sad thing is the next time I opened the app, the fic was gone. I just remembered a few things and god knows that the search bar in this site works... well, works. Sometimes. I couldn't find it. I made it my personal goal to actually find this fic again, and this user, whose name I didn't catch because, again, I didn't know how to use Tumblr. This user pulled a full Cinderella on me, reading with intent every fic until the shoe fit. And I found it by mere coincidence, because they posted the third part, and I was like "WAIT IS THIS IT?". And it was it.

In the meanwhile, I actually completed my account, like you know, trying not to make it look like a bot (that I learned that it was a bad thing that could get me blocked), I put a profile picture, I made it decent, I learned how to use Tumblr (a bit). So, you see. This user, my beloved @2btheanswertothequestion is the one to blame that I actually stuck in this place. If you're wondering which one was the fic that got me so hooked up it was November Paramedic. (Here the AO3 link). Go read it, you're gonna love it.

(I'm kinda mad that they didn't asked me to draw the actual picture of the calendar, though. I have some ideas, I might draw it the future, because when I say that I hold this fic very close to my heart, I mean it.)

I really, really hope you like it, I worked hard on it and I did this with every bit of love stored in my heart ❤️❤️❤️

[xitsensunmoon]

Biting the Hand That Feeds au FAQ (Vampires + donor au)

Any general content warnings for bhtf au?

Yes. A normal amount of fnaf warnings, a normal amount of vampire warnings. For someone who doesn't know I elaborate... For vampire stuff, the most obvious ones are blood, hypnosis, bites, and animalistic behaviour. Less obvious - slightly suggestive themes. For fnaf - fnaf's usual violence, dark themes, a drop of gore and murders. The lore is uh. Very dark. I will try to decrease the amount of all of the cruelty but man. People who know, know how hard it will be. But I will tag everything properly so don't worry.

Is there a fic for your au?

No. And currently, I'm not even planning on writing one.

How do I find the story?

For now, we have two comics that are directly connected and one that doesn't have a specific place in the story but is about canonical lore.

[ 1 ] - [ 2 ] - [ x ]

In future, we will have more and I probably absolutely will forget to update this post so I recommend checking the tags. Here's the tag list

Tip: don't click the tag. Tumblr hides half of the results. Type it in the blog's search instead :)

Are the comics the only canonical thing about au?

No! I answer asks and draw a lot of doodles with bhtf au all the time and 90% of them are canon. You can, yet again, find everything in the tag list linked in the previous question.

Can I draw/write fan stuff for your au?

Yes, please!! I'm always happy to see fanart and fan writings and literally everything that you do! Just tag me when you post and use a fanart or fanwriting tag for au specifically so I don't miss it!

Can you include my characters in your story?

No, unfortunately, I cannot. The story is already written and I don't have any "space" for background characters either. Maybe it will change but currently, things are like this.

I asked a question with an interaction with my characters and I never got an answer, why?

I don't accept such requests. I'm not ready to spend my time drawing other people's characters for free(if I personally don't want to, of course)

Is there any limit to how many questions I can ask?

No, not at all! You can ask all you want just please make sure your question wasn't answered before. There is a big possibility I will just simply delete it if it was answered beforehand many times. Check the ask tag for it.

What about limitations? Any boundaries?

Please no questions about tickling🧍‍♀️ I got so many of those it already makes me uncomfortable. And for some reason, a lot of people send asks that include violence towards my characters and while I don't really feel uncomfortable with this I just idk what to answer and why are you even doing this lmao

What questions I should avoid?

Well, not really avoid but I will mention it anyway.

The things I have planned to draw right now:

- Sun and Moon and y/n's first meeting

- The creation of Sun&Moon

- Why S&M are sensitive to light and darkness

- How they hunt

So no need to ask me about these. I will show it, I promise.

What about sexual themes?

I understand that I post a lot of suggestive stuff and it may appear I allow such a thing but no.

You can create content with it tho, I don't mind for the most part. Just be ready that I may not reblog it, as my Tumblr is a SFW place. It's always 50/50.

Romantic themes?

I do draw some kisses and cuddles when I feel like it and you of course can send ideas for cute interactions but in the story we're very far away from it lol.

My question gets ignored even though I followed everything that you mentioned here. Why?

Answered in main FAQ.

Can I share the ideas for your au with you?

YES!!! Yes, yes and yes! I'm very open to that, like yes! The only thing that I definitely want to mention - you should expect that I actually can take your ideas and use them. Some people are protective of their ideas so if you're like this you probably should not share them with me :)

The information that you're using for your au is wrong.

Happens sometimes yeah. I know nothing about any medical stuff for y/n so I usually improvise. After all it's an au about robotic vampires man, this information is absolutely wrong. But! You're free to drop feedback/constructive criticism in my inbox!

Will be updated later

[b-o-e]

alone with you, take two

Wally Darling x Reader

Warnings: jealous wally, frustrating neighbours, mwah mwah kissy smooches!!

although it is not necessary, I highly suggest reading my fics in their recommended order for the best experience! here is the link to all my silly lil wally fics in order. this is #11 :)

Jealousy isn’t a frequent feeling for Wally, but sometimes, things get on his nerves.

“Hun, would you mind helping me with these treats please?”

Your attention was drawn away from Wally, once again. 

It was a Friday night, and the neighbourhood was gathered for their weekly get together, of course. Lots of eating, game playing, and mingling going on.

You left Wally’s side, assuring him you would be right back, off to assist Poppy with whatever it was she needed.

Wally blew out an irritated huff.

And this get together seemed to mean he barely got to steal any of you for himself.

Everyone was taking you left and right. ‘Hey, come play a game with us!’ ‘Would you help me set these up?’ ‘Come take a look at this!’ No matter what, it was one thing or another, back to back to back.

Now, despite having quite a way with words, Wally still didn’t know how to use them, at times.

Occasionally, he didn’t know how to ask for things, particularly when it comes to a new challenge he's unsure of how to approach. He just… didn’t. So, what would he do instead?

He would stare.

And he would stare.

And he would stare.

He would stare, until the other person picked up on his silent plea for assistance. Or, until it will have been long enough where he figures it out himself.

This was the predicament you were in now. Although, unfortunately for Wally, you were still yet to notice you were in any sort of predicament at all.

He wasn’t sure how long it had been. He almost couldn’t complain, because it provided an extra good excuse to look at you. At the same time, he was getting frustrated, because how haven’t you realized yet? 

Well, actually, maybe you had. But, whenever it seemed like you were going to inquire, someone stole your attention away, which would irk Wally just a little bit more.

It’s happened multiple times now. By just about everyone. Twice, by most! Were they doing it on purpose, at this point? Wally was beginning to question.

For now, Wally watched and waited. And watched and waited. And watched and waited. Until finally, you were finished helping Poppy and on your way back over to him. So, he seized his opportunity.

“Would you—” he began, only to be cut off.

“Hey pipsqueak! Come play a quick round with Eddie n I!” 

If looks could kill, Barnaby would’ve been dead where he stood.

“Deal me in, too!” Howdy raised a hand, making his way over to the table, stretching his other arms and cracking his knuckles with confidence.

“Do you get one or two hands, with two sets of arms?”

“Actually,” you glanced at Wally, looking over at the group again. “Give him two! He can play for me, I’ll hop in later,” 

“Which hand do you wanna be, kiddo?”

“Uh… top? Cause I’m on top, y’know?”

Howdy sniggered.

“Okay, I’ll give you the bottom hand.”

“Jeez. Ask me for my fancy, just to ignore it,” you clicked your tongue in amusement, looking at Wally. He gazed back at you, eyes hopeful. Was he finally getting your attention? All to himself? “What did you want to say, sorry?”

Wally sighed with relief. Finally!

“Would you li–”

“Starlight! Won’t you come join Julie and I’s game?” Sally called out to you.

Nope.

Wally had it.

As you opened your mouth to reply, Wally took you by the hand, answering for you.

“Later.”

His tone was sharp and curt as he stormed toward the door, leading you behind him.

No more distractions.

Wally pulled you along, pausing briefly at the exit and looking at you, ensuring you were fine with this. Your eyes met his, and although surprised and confused, you understood the silent question and gave him a nod to go on.

The two of you stepped outside, walking briskly into the cool night. A sigh of relief left Wally, glad to finally be away from his beloved although slightly infuriating neighbours. When he decided the two of you had wandered far enough, he slowed his pace, sucking in a breath of the refreshing air. He looked at you to apologize for being so brash, only to pause.

You were staring at him, a grin growing on your face.

“Is this what I think it is?” you questioned him. His brows furrowed in puzzlement.

“Were you getting jealous in there, Wally?”

He gaped at the accusation. Jealous? Him? He opened his mouth to shut it down, only to hesitate.

Was he jealous?

His cheeks heated as realization hit him. He gaped like a fish, trying to think of a reasonable defense for himself, to no avail.

“... they were doing it on purpose,” he could only claim, deflating. 

“They were being quite rude, weren’t they?” you empathized with a giggle. “I’m sorry,”

“It’s not your fault,” he shook his head, sure of that much. “But they kept pulling you away, this way and that way. I think that I was deserving of a turn,”

“Well, no matter, now we are alone,” you smiled. “No more interruptions. What would you like, Wally?” you asked him.

He blanked.

Right.

The reason he wanted your attention in the first place.

Wally’s head dipped down shyly, his fingers gently toying with your own.

How does he say it?

He returned his gaze back to your eyes. You were waiting patiently for him to speak. No rush at all. You never did.

“I wanted to step outside with you,” he said, speaking slow as he took the time to figure out his words.

“I wanted to spend some time away, just you and I,” he continued. “Everyone was demanding your attention, but I wanted some for myself. That sounds quite selfish now that I say it out loud, doesn’t it?” He mumbled.

“I don’t think you’re being selfish at all,” you begged to differ. “I think that you have a right to desire some extra attention from me. We are together, after all. And, that being said, you are my top priority,” 

“As you are mine,” Wally nodded, giving your hand a squeeze.

“So, you just wanted to spend some time together?” You hummed softly, smiling at him. “I always quite like that idea,”

“Well, not quite…” he trailed along sheepishly, looking down at your interlocked hands.

“What would that be, Darling?”

“I wanted to kiss you,” he admitted.

“To kiss me?”

He nodded.

“Well, why don’t you, then?”

He peeked up at you.

“... might I?”

“Of course,” you giggled. 

“… now I’m nervous,” he uttered bashfully, gazing downward as he shyly rubbed the back of his neck. You grinned in amusement, leaning closer to him.

“Do you want me to kiss you?” You whispered, placing your finger under his chin to redirect his attention to you. His eyes widened slightly in surprise, gazing into yours as he licked his dry lips.

“Please?” He murmured out. 

With a smile, you tilted his chin up a bit more, closing the gap between you and pressing your lips to his in a sweet, short kiss. He went a little rigid before he relaxed into it, though he didn’t have quite enough time to reciprocate before you moved to break the kiss. 

As you began to pull away, his hand found the side of your neck, not ready for you to leave just yet. He led you back in before you went too far, his lips met yours once again, bringing you in for another kiss, slow and loving.

Moments later, Wally pulled away, more content this time. He gazed at you, any hint of his prior frustration nowhere to be seen anymore, nothing but a look of fondness left remaining in his eyes. He studied you, from your flushed cheeks to your small smile, meeting your equally love filled eyes.

“Are you satisfied now?” You asked with a light teasing tone, rubbing at your warm cheek as if it would make your embarrassed blush fade away. Wally clicked his tongue, glancing towards the noisy home down the way.

“Mmm, I’m not sure…” he hummed with a playful tone, looking back at you with a glint in his eyes.  “I think that I deserve you for some time more. How does another kiss sound to you? Then, maybe I’ll be satisfied,”

hi! hello! did i scare you? i'm back from the dead to offer you this! i hope that you enjoyed! burnout is real, bahaha! if you are new, i have some other fics along these lines you can read as well!

here is a link to my silly lil wally fics in their recommended order if you would like :) these can also be found on my ao3 B) I also have a ko-fi if you'd like to support me!

also!!! ART!!! people made art based on my fics!!! MIND BLOWING!!! check them out, super duper cool!

@leon-dechino created this one and this one! SO cool, mind boggling, makes me so happy gavhxsah

@sunkyss created this one! AHHH! so wild man, i still can't believe it bahaha! i highly suggest you check both of them out! they have so many cool works on top of these!

alas! 'tis all for now! i hope to see you soon! MWAH! until next time <3

Posted Wednesday, June 7, 2023 at 2:07 PM

[5ummit]

Permanent Blacklists for AO3

Would you like to permanently remove fics with your squicks, triggers, and dislikes from all AO3 searches by default so that you never have to think about or encounter them again? Well now you can!

The ability to do this has actually been around for a little while but it relies on some new CSS functionality that wasn't supported on all major browsers until fairly recently (though you may still have to enable it manually on some). I'm not going to explain how this method works or how to code AO3 skins in general, as I've only dabbled in it a little and there are already some very good tutorials out there. If you want all of the details, check out these guides:

Skins and Archive Interface FAQ – The official skins guide created by AO3. Lots of good information but might be overwhelming and confusing for a beginner.

A Non-Extensive Guide on How to Start Creating a Skin for AO3 by ao3skin – Some good, fairly easy to understand, beginner info on CSS and specifically how it applies to AO3 skins.

Permablocking Specific Tags - Site Skin by Eli0t – Everything you need to know to create permablock lists. If your blacklist doesn't seem to be working as expected, check this for troubleshooting tips.

What I can offer though are some handy pre-made blacklists that you can use as-is or as a starting point to create your own so that you don't have to go to the trouble of figuring out how any of this works or hunting down relevant tags. Just copy the code, open AO3, go to My Preferences > Skins > Create Site Skin, paste it in the box, title it, and click Submit!

Note: The following lists are very specific to me and my own personal tastes. Absolutely no judgement if you love any of the things that I choose to blacklist. You do you. I just happen to like my fics fucked up and relatively canonical.

★ No Reader Fic – Hides all self-insert and reader fic.

★ No Alternate Universes – Hides anything tagged with the most common AU tags. There are so many incredibly specific AUs there's no way to list all of them and AU tagging is also extremely inconsistent from fic to fic so this blacklist may only catch 80% of AUs, but that's better than nothing. You could always exclude the entire alternate universe tag, rather than trying to list specific ones, but unfortunately canon divergence and other less extreme AUs would get caught in the crossfire, which is not worth it for me.

★ No Fluff – Hides anything tagged with the most common fluff and romance tags. I specifically left out "fluff and angst" though because sometimes that's used for things that are mostly angst with only a bit of fluff and I do love angst.

★ Bonus: No Dead Dove – This list is not mine (for obvious reasons) but I know some people may find it useful. Hides anything with the main archive warnings and many common problematic, taboo, or controversial tags. Some of these I wouldn't even classify as dead dove, they're literally just kinks, so I'd suggest reviewing the list carefully and removing any that don't apply to you.

Additional Notes:

This system doesn't work exactly the same as AO3's exclusion filters because you can't use top-level wrangled tags to block all subtags. It only blocks exact matches.

Once the blacklist is implemented you'll see no indication that anything was blocked (except for fewer fics listed on each search page); the entire blurb will be hidden. The tags and fic counts listed in the filter bar will remain unchanged. If you want more advanced features like whitelisting or adding something to indicate when a fic was removed, check out the permablocking guide by Eli0t.

Here's a link with info on which browsers currently support the new "has()" element, which this blacklist system relies on. As of right now Firefox for desktop still has to be manually enabled (for instructions see the section on flag enabling in the permablocking guide). Firefox for iOS isn't listed on this website but it seems to work fine for me.

There are other browser-specific extensions that let you permablock tags, such as this one and this one, that may be more a little more user friendly, but I've never tried them so I can't vouch for them and they may not work consistently between different devices. The good thing about doing blacklists via skins is that, after setting it up once, it should work automatically on pretty much any device (as long as you're logged in to your AO3 account).

[maukree]

Masterpost with all parts Yay, here we are. Part 2 of my *not quite Civil War (616)—The Messiest Divorce in Superhero History specifically (or Civil War, which is mostly actual Civil War just for this part, with very little winteriron)—where everything gets dark, painful, and incredibly shippable for so many ships. Not gonna lie, the whole point of these posts is for me to catch up before I start working on my MTH fill for the 616-canon-heavy winteriron fic, and also to have a convenient resource to link to if MCU-only fans actually choose to read it and want to know what happened in canon versus what is complete bullshit for my writing pleasure. That said—this event is a goldmine for all kinds of ships. So I’ve snagged the juiciest bits for your reading (and thirsting) pleasure because every ship is valid, and I don’t discriminate. (Though, I have my favorites, so they’re gonna stand out.) Now—Tumblr has a 30-image limit per post, and I am not about to split Civil War into multiple parts here, so there is a lot of ground to cover in this. There will be more parts after this, so you get one post for Civil War specially, with as much crammed into it as I can, laid out as simply as possible—for me, and hopefully for you too. P.S. While my cover image lists the overall timeline and which series I discuss in terms of winteriron, Civil War and this part here hits the fan right smack in the middle of Captain America and The Invincible Iron Man (they each get a few issues inside), but there’s a lot of other crap happening too elsewhere. I’m not about to unpack every superhero’s massive tie-in series here in equal detail, but I will mention others before the first BIG fight and how they pertain to Tony, Bucky, Steve and Peter—because, obviously, that’s who we’re here for, and Peter is in the middle... 'cause he is kind of important here. If you want the full, issue-by-issue breakdown of every tie-in, crossover, and emotional kick in the nuts that happened, and you didn’t like the five-hour video I sent you to in Part 1, Marvel’s got you covered with their Complete Guide to the Civil War Event (or which order to read it at, which I am following here, sort of.) *visuals are after each arc/issue covered. Fair warning: this has a lot of food for irondad or starker, but this is canon, so just deal with it. K, click that Read More button, and let’s goooo into “holy shit, why are they like this?”

If you read this part you will know where Tony, Bucky and Steve are just after 616 Civil War is won by one side.

What triggered Civil War for real / Was used as an excuse for registration? Basically, the U.S. government has been side-eyeing caped vigilantes for years—tolerating their sometimes helpful, sometimes catastrophic crime-fighting because, well, they weren’t technically employees. Things had been escalating for a while, but the final straw was when a group of young, reality-TV-era superheroes (The New Warriors) tried to do their thing, and—shocker—it went terribly. Some guy called Nitro (not part of the New Warriors, just a villain doing villain things) exploded next to an elementary school during a fight with that chirpy young group, killing over 600 people, including a lot of kids. There was a national outrage, and nothing gets the government’s attention quite like untrained superhumans causing massive collateral damage in broad daylight that people complain about. Suddenly, Congress, the media, and your grandma had an opinion on whether superheroes should be running around unchecked, which has resulted in the Superhuman Registration Act (SRA or, sometimes SHRA)—which most people are probably more familiar with from the X-Men movies and whatnot (where it was basically “Mutants, go register”), or as the comic book equivalent of the Sokovia Accords in the MCU. The SRA demanded that all superheroes:

Register with the government.

Reveal their identities.

Undergo training.

Operate under official oversight.

Which… totally sounded reasonable to some people. But only some people. Sure, about half of the superhero community saw it as necessary law and order, but the other half saw it as the death of personal freedom. And that is how this Marvel Civil War came about in the comics. (They did have a second one waaaay later, but I am not getting into that.) The easy comparison with MCU here is:

Team Pro-Registration (led by Tony).

Team Anti-Registration (led by Steve).

Where it gets VERY different:

It has very little (nothing, but he's around) to do with Bucky.

It's long.

A lot of people are involved.

Fighters on each side die.

It gets twisted and very much downhill from here as far as Tony's bromance with Steve goes (or on the up, depends on how much you like your angst). And, yes, there is a possibility some of the characters would've remained alive (but, like, a lot of Marvel characters die and come back even more often in the comic books) if Tony and Steve had just fucked it out, honestly. The Amazing Spider-Man (1999): Mr. Parker Goes to Washington (#529-531) (Not actually released in 1999—the series itself started in 1999. Marvel’s way of naming shit and constantly renaming it will break your head, I swear.) This specific three-parter covers Tony dragging Peter into the most emotional relationship drama to ever drama. For clarity (and because I think I’m too funny and can’t resist commenting along), while Civil War is gearing up, Tony starts making deeply emotional decisions under the guise of strategy, and his first move is to recruit Peter and make sure he is on his side. Because obviously, if you’re about to start a massively controversial government-backed superhero initiative, the first person you want in your corner is the kid with no money, another tragic backstory, the worst luck in the history of caped crusading, but a very good sense of right and wrong. At this point in the timeline, Peter is living with Tony in the Avenger's tower, Tony is already acting like his chaotic billionaire stepdad while Peter is hitting it off with the Avengers on the daily. For real, Peter even calls him “Dad” once or twice, although mostly, he calls him “boss” and, what, do you know, he is actually his intern. MJ is staying with Peter, but you can ignore that. So what actually happens here relevant to Civil War beginnings: Tony takes Peter to Washington, D.C., where he’s testifying before Congress about superhero accountability. While in D.C., Tony gives Peter a new version of the Iron Spider suit (like two days after another new version ’cause he can’t stop spoiling him or, like, gearing him up for war or something, idk...) and starts laying the groundwork for making him his right-hand. There are a lot of father/son vibes, mentor/protégé vibes, and if you’re reading this through a Starker lens, well—Tony spends a lot of time complimenting Peter, and putting a hell of a lot of emotional weight on his presence.

Fact: Tony genuinely cares about Peter in here (not looking at it through starker lens right now, trying to think winteriron long game here), but he’s also desperate for allies as the political pressure builds. Because Peter is not just a good boy for Tony but good in general, he is clearly conflicted from the beginning about the government stepping in to control superheroes, but Tony reassures him that it’s the right thing to do and that he is actually working on stalling it and making sure it stays under control (he is being hella shady). Peter also trusts Tony implicitly (big mistake, buddy), and because this is the road to Civil War and not just Fun Congressional Trips With Tony and Pete, we also get some early signs of how badly this is going to go for everyone involved. So, Peter backs Tony up (as Peter, hiding his identity and later as Spider-Man, refusing to reveal his identity at the meeting), showing loyalty to Tony despite his own lingering doubts. This whole arc is really about Tony starting to make moves to secure the Pro-Registration side, and Peter—bless him—doesn’t fully grasp what he’s getting into yet. This is an awesome arc to read for anyone who likes Tony and Peter in any capacity, but it’s so clear that Tony doesn’t just care about Peter here—he needs him. He is also the guy who will, very soon, break Peter’s heart, and it’s very gutting. Like, they kick the whole event off with this, and you can feel your heart bleed in advance. Why this Matters for Civil War: Tony starts Civil War with Peter at his side, which will make it all the more painful when it inevitably falls apart. Peter’s trust in Tony is absolute at this point, and that will change—violently. Tony also secretly hires a bad guy to attack them in D.C. to make a point, and this should really be one of the many signs on how seriously Tony's starting here from the very beginning.

In Fantastic Four #536-537, Thor’s hammer crash-lands on Earth. This is a big deal because, at this point, Thor is 'not around', but everyone is trying to get their hands on his nutcracker. Naturally, Doctor Doom shows up, because if something cool falls from the sky, he’s contractually obligated to try and steal it. The reason the hammer is important is because Reed Richards is around for this, so while he’s not fully immersed in Civil War beginnings yet, he’s about to be. Also, Thor and his hammer specifically play a massive part in Civil War (stick a pin in that mental note). Doom doesn’t get the hammer, obviously, it just chills there because nobody can lift it. Following the Fantastic Four issues (but also technically happening before them—just go with it), we have New Avengers: Illuminati (2006) #1, which is basically a bunch of rich, powerful men sitting in a room and making decisions that will screw over everyone else. This issue gives us the Illuminati’s response to the SRA, aka a lot of self-important posturing. The Illuminati (Tony, Reed Richards, Namor, Doctor Strange, Black Bolt, and Charles Xavier) gather to discuss how this whole registration thing is about to go down. And—shocker—they do not agree. Everyone except Reed and Tony, who tend to agree on more things than people give them credit for, thinks that the SRA is a massive disaster waiting to happen. T'Challa is there too, and while he loves being complemented on how pretty his country is, he still tells them to fuck off. Politely. Namor flips off Tony too and nearly drowns him. It's a cool action sequence. So, nothing too exciting, but good to know. That said, this is side content I don’t personally care about, but will splash in here and there for basic understanding as needed, and not spend image limit on it (unless it extra cool).

Civil War (2006) #1 This is where things aren’t just leading to the breakup of Tony and Steve—this is where everything fully hits the fan. I’ve already covered the tragedy and the public outrage/last trigger for SRA, but let’s talk about a lovely parallel happening in the aftermath. During the funeral for the folks who died, Tony gets spit on. A grieving mother blames him personally for the deaths of all those children, since he's kinda bankrolling Avengers and stuff, and while Tony was not even remotely involved in this paticular Nitro-exploding and killing kids mess—just the cleanup—he takes it HARD. (Yeah, remember how badly he took everything in the movies? It's worse in the comics, and the woman is aggressive about it.) And regardless of whether it’s comic books or movies, if there’s one thing Tony cannot handle, it’s being told that his inaction led to innocent people dying. This is where his shady, kind-of-sorta “leaning” into supporting registration cements itself into a full send. Unfortunately for both sides of this war, Fury is nowhere to be found to smack some sense into people, because he pissed off the U.S. government (again) and is currently persona non grata. So instead, Maria Hill is running S.H.I.E.L.D, calls in Steve for a little chat, while a bunch of other heroes are off in various places having their “Should we let the government own our asses?” powwows. Hill, naturally, expects Steve to be the poster boy for the Superhuman Registration Act, because, you know, Captain America = America, right? Big mistake. Huge. I don’t know if it’s the way she talks to him in her “I’m in charge now, shut up and do what I say” tone, or the fact that she basically says, “Hey, so here’s the deal—there’s a new law coming down. You’re going to help us enforce it, and we’re going to use S.H.I.E.L.D. to make sure every superhero signs up. Cool? Cool.” Either way, Steve's response is HELL NO. Hill, in her usual charming manner, reacts to being blown off by trying to arrest him. Which is hilarious. Steve then proceeds to beat the crap out of some S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, escape the Helicarrier, and go underground. But not to hang out with Fury who pops up at a later stage. Just underground, officially becoming the face of the Anti-Registration movement. Now, I’m probably not being fair to Hill (I actually do like her), but I am also Switzerland when it comes to comic book Civil War (and MCU Civil War), because both Tony and Steve are being absolute fucking idiots about literally everything in either canon. Frankly, Bucky is the only smart one when this takes place, and mostly 'cause he’s nowhere to be seen yet after ghosting Steve in London. He’s out there somewhere, probably drinking whiskey in a safe house, brooding about his past crimes, cleaning his guns, and for now busy NOT giving a single fuck about what's going on. While the love of his life that he hasn’t met yet (reminder: this is a winteriron timeline) is going out of his way to become the most hated man in the superhero community. Sad.

She-Hulk (2005) #8 is mostly a pointless tie-in to Civil War in the context of what I am trying to do here, but we do get a peek at Tony’s methods and how he’s running his “Collect ’Em All” campaign for Pro-Registration allies. Jennifer Walters (She-Hulk), has a bunch of things going on somewhat related to the main event, but the only one you need to know here is that Tony makes an appearance to give her information she needs for a case she is working on—“for free, not asking for anything, no strings attached” of course (which, lol, sure, Tony). This is a good look at how Tony operates. He’s not exactly strong-arming people right away, but you’d have to be blind not to pick up on the “Pick a side or get picked for one” vibes. In general, his methods vary through the Civil War, but you have to give it to him, he is very creative and approaches each person in a wickedly unique way. Crafty. He's crafty. In Wolverine (2003) #42, Logan is seen catching some heat and getting the “You’re not welcome here anymore” treatment from randoms, demonstrating how the baseline folks are reacting to what’s going on (although, when does he not get this heat, honestly?). He gets into a few debates with fellow supers about how the SRA is giving Nazi vibes, all while side-eyeing the Sentinel parked outside the X-Mansion pretending to be a lawn ornament and suspecting it’s not actually there for their “safety”. Wolverine isn’t my favorite in general, but he slaps in this, because instead of sitting around and yapping about whose side he’s on, he’s one of the few people actually making sense and decides that Nitro—the asshole who kickstarted this and exploded all over the place, killing all the people—hasn’t been rolled over by an avenging tank yet and it should probably be done. Right? The man has a point. Avengers. Tony tells him to drop it because “we have bigger problems”, but Logan is like “Yeah, nah” and sets off on a mission to gut Nitro with a fork (or, well, six of them), since someone here has priorities and actually takes being an Avenger (which he has been for a few months only tbh) seriously. I am not gonna talk about Wolverine much after this, so feel free to hunt down his issues on your own.

Amazing Spider-Man (1999) #532 This is one of my favorite issues, honestly, because this is the moment Tony asks Peter for everything, and Peter realizes what his loyalty to Tony actually means. In short, they visit the White House together (Tony brings him along to all the cool places, as you can see), and Peter’s life as he knows it gets irreversibly fed. This issue is a massive turning point because Tony wants a lot. And I mean, a lot. Up until this point, every time Spider-Man’s identity has been revealed, it’s been because a villain unmasked him—never voluntarily. But now, with the SRA officially getting signed by the president, the rules are clear: If you don’t register, you and your entire family become fugitives. Your assets will be confiscated, your safety will be gone, your life will be over, etc. AND if you do sign up, you might also have to snitch on others and hunt them down. Like… tough. Very tough. Tony, being the dramatic bastard that he is, casually admits to the President that he is Iron Man right there in the Oval Office, while Peter is completely missing this historic moment because he’s looking for a bathroom, checking out Secret Service agents, and admiring priceless art. (I respect his priorities.) Then comes the Big Ask. Tony wants Peter to do the same—to stand beside him and publicly reveal that he is Spider-Man to the world. Peter, reasonably, is not down for this plan at all initially, but Tony, ever the master manipulator with a heart, leaves Peter with a choice. (Sort of. Which is really no choice at all, if you think about it, since, if Peter refuses, his entire life crumbles.) MJ and Aunt May (especially May) help him process the decision, and while they ultimately support him, Peter himself is still torn right up until the last second. Even when he’s about to go to Tony with a YES, he still considers running. He even makes the arrangements to run, but doesn’t. The issue ends with Tony and Peter standing side by side at a podium, about to make this announcement. This issue slaps for both irondad and starker, honestly.

Civil War: Front Line (2006) #1 While superheroes are busy picking sides, Front Line follows the journalists stuck in the middle, trying to cover this mess—specifically Ben Urich (Daily Bugle, professional shit-stirrer) and Sally Floyd (indie journalist, professional snarker). The two of them are trying to make sense of the SRA fallout, tracking how the government is spinning the Stamford disaster (all those dead kids). In the same issue, Speedball—one of the good guys who accidentally got a school full of kids blown up when he was fighting Nitro—gets arrested, which is awkward as hell and also the first time on the page where someone flashes their S.H.I.E.L.D. badge to start arrests, signaling that things are starting to get really serious. Speedball has a VERY bad time after his arrest and is often used to remind us all that the places where supers who didn't fall in line go are not a spa. At all. Since this is essentially a press room issue, it ends with the reveal of Tony’s identity—that same press conference where we last left him with Peter. And LOL, DUDE, you do not begin this shit with “Hello. I am Tony Stark, and I am an alcoholic.” This. Is. What. He. Says. YES. While Peter is next to him, shaking in his boots and waiting for his very private life get gutted into pieces to support Tony's agenda.

Civil War (2006) #2 Following the first arrest, things are properly rolling downhill now. More arrests, the first betrayals, and the first real punches are about to happen. Tony, still fully committed to the government’s golden boy arc, is working with S.H.I.E.L.D. to form his superhero task force to hunt down the noncompliant capes. Steve has been AWOL since flipping off Hill but there is a resistance going on. I mean… it sounds good, right? For now, Tony looks like a total dick, and Steve is the hero. As a note, however, Tony is not being a complete blind asshole here, and does struggle with hoping they are doing the right thing just before SRA officially becomes law. Because comics don’t release in a neat timeline, the end of this issue is also where we get some lovely art of Peter unmasking during that press conference (the art shifts between comics, enjoy it and deal with it).

At this point, Civil War is fully spiraling, and the “oh shit, this is getting worse” moments are stacking up. In Thunderbolts (2006) #103, Tony and his team sign up the Thunderbolts—a group of villains-turned-government-enforcers (not to be confused with the MCU version, and no, Bucky is not here yet). And what is their job is to hunt down villain holdouts and then recruiting them to hunt down more holdouts. Yes, the plan is literally “let’s get criminals to enforce the law.” Things are just getting plain weird and scary and in Civil War: Front Line (2006) #2, the press and civilians are starting to get real nervous about how Tony is taking down people who used to be on the side of good with very little prejudice for not complying. Essentially, the whole “this is about protecting people” argument is starting to look flimsy AF when actual normal people are watching buildings collapse and their heroes get thrown into Superhero Guantanamo. Nobody is having a good time at this stage, but, to lighten the mood, Peter gets fired from the Daily Bugle via headline: “YOU’RE FIRED!”

New Avengers (2004) #21 is where we properly get into Steve’s headspace, and IT IS HILARIOUS. This issue is basically Steve being alone and sad after flipping off Maria Hill and instantly regretting everything, including his own existence. He angsts for most of it, because of course he does, and at some point, Bucky makes a 0.5-second flashback appearance, because it wouldn’t be a Steve issue if he wasn’t feeling sorry for himself and reminiscing about people he’s lost. The vibe here is “I should draw my feelings or write a book” (multiple panels on him trying to do that), but instead of actually dealing with his trauma of being a fugitive, which he is very upset about, he just… keeps brooding. Then S.H.I.E.L.D. sends Dum Dum Dugan to bring Steve in, and that’s when the paranoia kicks in. Suddenly, Steve is feeling betrayal from all angles (fair), and even Falcon catches some suspicion, even though they are best buds in this, since Bucky is out there gallivanting somewhere, not getting involved yet. After Steve and Falcon reunite, they set off on a noble quest titled: “Let’s Make Civil War About Peter Parker, Because He’s the First Pick for Everyone.” They gently stalk Peter to see if he’d be down to join Team Cap, but they are very late. Steve is devastated, because Peter once called him cute, and now Peter is already firmly on Tony’s side, kinda-sorta-but-actually-yes. And if that wasn’t enough betrayal for one issue, Hank Pym tries to help S.H.I.E.L.D. to arrest Cap, which really just solidifies the whole “Steve is having the worst week of his life” situation. Maybe if Steve had actually talked to Peter instead of stalking him, Peter would have called him cute again, and Civil War would have ended right there, since our sunshine babydoll can make everyone see light. But alas.

As you probably picked up on already, Peter is right smack in the middle of this, as mentioned about 10,000 times. In Amazing Spider-Man (1999) #533, they fully cover how much his life went to absolute shit after that press conference. It wasn’t just getting fired. Everyone wants a piece of him now. Some people want to kill him, a lot of people want to fuck him, and the internet is absolutely losing its collective mind. (For real—his unmasking breaks the internet, including the porn sites. FACTS.) At the same time, Peter is deeply uneasy about everything, and Tony is “comforting” him while simultaneously sharpening his betrayal knife. The same knife where Tony does not ASK Peter if he wants to be part of his superhero-hunting strike force and instead, he just signs him up publicly without permission. Peter, already on his WTF is going on subplot, doesn’t even get time to process any of this properly before Tony cranks the drama to 11, piling on on top of his little 'favor' to reveal his identity and says: “Hold my beer, meet your new teammates, and get ready—because the dying is about to fucking start tomorrow.” Whelp.

Things don’t actually escalate to full-on hero-on-hero-we-give-a-crap-about murder aka THE BIG WTF MOMENT just yet (patience), but people are getting hurt just for trying to not pick a side, and crime is skyrocketing because, shockingly, when heroes are too busy planning on punching each other, villains thrive. In Fantastic Four (1998) #538 Johnny is in a coma because a mob beat him within an inch of his life just for existing as a super, the Fantastic Four are already crumbling and even Reed’s own family thinks he’s being a dick. (And they are correct.) He is so firmly on Tony’s side that it’s almost embarrassing, and I suspect some consensual touching is involved to be this stupidly on board with Tony, but I digress here too, since I don’t even know if this is a ship. There’s some setup happening for later events, but we’re not going Mariana Trench deep here, so let’s move on. Oh, someone does pick up Thor’s hammer. I wonder who that is. Over in Civil War: Front Line (2006) #3, the press is still deep in the trenches, and there is a lot of talking happening. Everyone is talking. Some folks are being interviewed. Nobody is doing shit. It's getting... boring. It's also getting very confusing.

BUT.

We are FINALLY, at least in this ‘brief’ (ah, who the fuck am I kidding here) recap, at the stage where I am mentally prepared to talk about The Great Civil War Standoff (aka, Please, Just Start Punching Already) and promptly skip to HOLY FUCK NOT THIS MUCH PUNCHING, boooooys, what are you doing??? (I rock myself in the corner.) As mentioned, the whole thing sorta stalls while each side is staring at each other with deep, unspoken yearning, waiting for the BIG fight, while smaller fights start breaking out all over the place. And because event comics are an actual nightmare, I am going to stop talking about the tie-ins here. I’ve set the scene, now just assume there’s a TON of random skirmishes happening, Cap and Spider-Man have already thrown hands (yo, this pretends to be a winteriron timeline, go look for your shippy business elsewhere, I am hungry), a bunch of unimportant extras are getting hurt or worse, and at this point, it’s just Tony vs. Steve and their twisted moral compasses playing an extremely violent game of chicken. I know, I know—I am taking a big skip after I just dropped an obscene amount of lore on you. But listen. Event tie-ins, and I cannot state it enough, are so messy and out of order while… being in order, sorta. You get to one good bit, and then Marvel chucks another 2,000 issues between you and the next good bit, and suddenly, you’re sitting there, waiting for the cliffhanger to be explained while trying to remember why the hell you should care what Quicksilver was doing five minutes before it happened and why you can’t just skip ahead to the yummy shit. Headache material, honestly. So, anyway. The scene has been set. Yay. Civil War is in progress. What we know now and what I am desperately trying to remember here:

Bucky is still in the wind.

Steve’s resistance is being annoying and resisting, but occasionally making sense, gaining traction, and also getting innocent people hurt left and right.

Tony is entering his “I am a very scary man” era and is also getting people hurt left and right, both physically and emotionally.

Peter is still with Tony but is having a minor existential crisis every five minutes on the account of emotional hurt, and barely any other Marvel issue in this timeline doesn't have an opinion on why he is still with Tony, is he sucking his dick or what, 'thought he was the good guy'/'ah yeah, this is why Tony needed him', etc.

The X-Men are staying out of it, mostly, because they’ve seen this movie before.

Deadpool and Cable, as well as about a gazillion other supers, have their own shit going on, but I refuse to get into that.

The Thunderbolts are being shady, surprise surprise, and they only get an honorable mention here ‘cause I’ve mentioned them earlier to demonstrate Tony’s spiral into being not just a bit of an asshole but very much an asshole.

Reed is so into Tony that he’s about to do something crazy. (I don’t even know if the touching is consensual at this point, since he is absolutely whipped by Tony, and it stinks of Stockholm syndrome.) So, now that we have decided on where we are and had a cup of tea/smoke, let’s have a look at the actual Civil War issues as they proceed, Captain America Civil War issues and Iron Man issues, skip a bunch of other important shit after, but ultimately, get to where we need to be before Part 3 of me posting (some other day) because I want to talk about Tony and Bucky and not about Civil War.

Civil War (2006) #3 Alright, we are finally here, because Civil War #3 is where shit gets real. Tony, being the tactical genius and emotionally constipated mess that he is, decides that it’s time to spring a trap on Team Cap. He and his Pro-Reg team set up a fake distress call because Steve is Steve, and if there’s even the slightest chance someone needs saving, he’s gonna show up. Boom. Steve does, of course, and Steve and his Underground Resistance walk straight into it. This finally gives us the most tense superhero standoff so far, with S.H.I.E.L.D. hovering overhead, a ton of supers on both sides locked, loaded, and ready to throw hands, and Peter right in the middle, not knowing how the fuck he got stuck with this lot. Tony, to his credit, tries to be the adult here. He actually reaches out, extends an olive branch, and tries to talk some sense into Steve before this escalates into full-out war (okay, okay, he tells him to chill the fuck out and comply, in slightly different words, but there is an actual amnesty Tony has worked out if Steve goes willingly, so he did try). Steve, being the absolute icon of stubbornness that he is, nods. Agrees to talk, at least. And immediately tries to take Tony down using some sneaky tech. Which gives us Tony vs. Steve, and it is GLORIOUS. These two beat the absolute crap out of each other, while everyone else on their respective teams also starts brawling (dozens/hundreds), with caped bodies flying, punches being thrown, and Peter still mostly blinking, but also fighting, while being upset that he failed to mediate between his two extremely stupid super dads and is not enjoying the whole “exhausted child of divorce” role they’ve been trying to pin on him. The fight between Tony and Steve is brutal, but Tony actually has an edge, since he’s Extremis-enhanced, a tech genius, years ahead in strategy, bla-bla-bla—so Steve is struggling. It goes on for a while, this fight, and then, the cliffhanger to end all cliffhangers. Because Thor (codename “Lightning”—this is important) shows up to backup Team Tony. Which shouldn’t be a big deal, right? We suspected it, since hammer and all, but... christ.

Civil War #4 is where we go from “Oh shit” to “OH FUCK NO.” The Thor that shows up at the end of Civil War #3 is not… actually Thor? Only in comic books, folks, since he’s a clone that Tony, Reed, and Hank Pym cooked up in a lab. While Team Cap is a bit shook, (they take Thor being a god of thunder seriously, he’s also been presumed dead for ages), Tony is trying to get Steve to give up, but Steve is having none of it. It seems largely (ha!) in favor of Team Tony right now, until Goliath (a massive giant person, can shrink down, used to be buddies with Thor, actually) shows up for Team Cap and Thor… kills the fuck out of his nice buddy, making everyone, Tony included, freeze in a “what the actual fuck just happened?” terror, since innocents getting hurt and extras getting hurt are sorta… whatever, but this is one of their own, technically, biting it. Team Cap calls for a retreat, very shook, and Reed’s Sue Storm is the first important superhero to straight-up bail on the Pro-Registration side right this moment because she is DONE with this bullshit and with Reed, who has been such an asshole to Fantastic Four, honestly—not giving a crap about Johnny being in a coma and possibly (at the very least emotionally) cheating on her with Tony. Sue is so done that she shields Team Cap long enough for them to get away, and after the fight writes Reed a dramatic “I’m leaving you, please feed yourself, there’s oily fish” note, and takes Johnny (who is no longer in a coma, yay!) with her to fight the good fight, or a fight, as long as it's not on Reed's side. And on both sides, folks on the sideline are starting to really question leadership and what kind of fight it really is. Peter is actually asking, “Wait… are we the baddies?” having massive doubts about Tony, and Steve doesn’t seem to give a shit how many of his friends get hurt, and it’s all very fucking gutting and not even a little funny. In general, this looks bad for both Steve and Tony, because Steve is throwing his side against Tony’s like cannon fodder and doesn’t seem to listen to anyone’s opinions on the fact that amnesty is at least worth discussing at this point, and Tony is after causing massive (ha!) death with a faulty clone, so a lot of superheroes are—if not outright bailing and changing sides now—at least considering it. Tony actually pays for Goliath’s funeral, since he was a cool guy and didn’t shrink down after dying. Had to buy him a massive amount of plots because, well… giant. Has a gutting interaction with his widow that tries to remind him what Tony is doing this for to begin with. For me this is a very important issue for Tony's character in this. He pays for Goliath’s funeral, because that’s who Tony is—he genuinely does care. But instead of acknowledging that this is the moment to stop, to rethink, to pull back, he keeps going, because, sadly, caring doesn’t stop him from marching forward and getting deeper and deeper into this.

Captain America (2004) #22 – The One Where Steve Gets Laid (and Sharon Gets Therapy for related reasons)

While Tony and Steve are busy emotionally wrecking each other on a public stage, we take a brief (very) detour into the mess that is Steve Rogers’ love life. Hill, who has been on a power trip ever since Fury went underground, decides that since Steve is still out there resisting like a stubborn bastard, someone needs to bring him in. And who better than his kinda-ex, kinda-current, definitely-in-love-with-him S.H.I.E.L.D. agent girlfriend?

Sharon is not thrilled because she’s really not here for the double standards. Like, Tony liaises (👀) with half of the superhero community, according to her, and the better half of S.H.I.E.L.D and nobody gives him shit, but the moment she has a little love crisis and starts questioning where her loyalty actually lies, suddenly, it’s a whole thing.

But fine. Mission accepted.

Sharon sets out to “bring Steve in”—by which I mean she tracks him down, immediately bangs him, and then quotes dead presidents at him in the post-coital glow. And because it's also Steve's love language, he also starts quoting dead presidents back. (If you’ve ever wondered what Steve’s pillow talk is like, now you know.)

Now, in case you were still wondering whether Sharon is truly down bad for Steve, let’s talk about how she sabotaged her own mission by giving the strike team (cape-killers) the wrong address. On purpose. So she could a) bang Steve and b) display her undying passion for those dead president quotes.

And this is why Sharon is in therapy. Because, as it turns out, this is how S.H.I.E.L.D. traditionally deals with traitors.

For those who remember what I talked about in Part 1 of this pre-civil war, here is something: Red Skull and Lukin are still out there, watching all of this unfold like it’s their personal Netflix binge, and they are THRIVING. They love that the heroes who should be stopping them are too busy punching each other instead. And because they are absolute dickheads, they are also actively manipulating Sharon’s emotions to make her feelings for Steve even stronger.

(Which explains the banging. Though, let’s be honest—she was into it.)

Amazing Spider-Man (1999) #535 (and half of the next Spider-Man-specific issue, sorta) – The One Where Tony Officially Breaks Peter’s Heart (And Ours) Alright, kids, this is it, and you should be thankful I made you crack a smile over dead presidents (hopefully), because this is crying-level shit.

This is where Peter starts realizing that maybe, just maybe, signing up with Tony was a colossal fucking mistake— and not just sorta feeling it.

Tony, still deeply entrenched in his “I Am the Government Now” phase, still has a soft spot for Peter (awww, tragic) and when Peter demands to see where the prisoners he is bringing in and not loving it are kept, Tony decides that it’s time to give Peter the full tour of the Negative Zone prison (a very dodgy place, tbh).

And our science nerd, all-around good guy, man with a conscience—takes one look at the absolute nightmare Tony has built and goes, “Wait. What the actual fuck is this? You can't be serious.” Tony: “Oh, yeah, this? This is where we’re locking up heroes who don’t register. Indefinitely. Without trial. In a literal alternate dimension, so no lawyer can ever get them out.” Peter, blinking hard, possibly resisting the urge to throw up: “…Excuse me?” Peter tries to confront Tony about it, he does, but very quickly catches on that Tony is not above implying he can do the same to him. Which is… whelp.

The whole conversation goes something like this, if you want a slightly longer version (see visuals for the full one): Peter: “Hey, Tony, quick question—what the fuck?” Tony: “Ah, Peter, my boy, don’t worry about it, this is for the greater good.” Peter: “The greater good? Again, what the fuck?” Tony: “You’re being dramatic.” Peter: “Am I? Am I though?” Tony: “Peter…” Peter: “Dad?” (happens) Tony promptly tries to ship Peter off on some other business to get him to cool off, but Peter is finally on board with the fact that this man has cracked, and he no longer feels safe around him. He doesn't even trusts MJ and Aunt May with Tony anymore (threats have been made) and tries to take them and go on the run. And then… He and Tony end up exchanging punches. God, it’s so bad and upsetting, you have no idea. I have no jokes for this, and ship it, don’t ship it, but this is the ultimate betrayal on Tony’s part. Peter is falling apart after, barely escaping, not knowing where to go, and Tony… is also feeling heartbroken, equally as gutted. I’m gonna leave this here for now, since we need to go into some other issues before we continue with this plotline. But you get me, yes? I need tissues when I think about this.

Captain America (2004) #23 - BUCKY!

Alright, everyone, take a deep breath. We are finally getting to the Bucky part of this winteriron timeline.

Bucky is officially entering the chat, and he is looking DAMN FINE while doing it, got a new hair-dew + arm and everything. He also has a lot of feelings while breaking into a S.H.I.E.L.D. facility to pull some spy shit for Fury, because of course he is, and I am devastated I am running out of image limit here soon.

He’s absolutely judging Steve for leading a resistance movement and somehow not inviting him... and sorta doing it the way he's doing it.

He’s also side-eyeing Tony for being a government stooge, even though that’s neither here nor there, since they don’t actually know each other at all (yet), but awareness is awareness, and it still doesn’t stop him from forming an opinion.

Bucky is, in fact, just generally pissed. And sexy. Always sexy. But the best part—and why Bucky really should be shaking hands with Peter here (another shoutout to winterspider)—is that Bucky is watching Steve and Tony’s breakup in real-time and judging both of them.

His basic thoughts on the matter boil down to “Wow, I left you two alone for five minutes, and this is what happens?” since while Steve and Tony are out here making Civil War everyone’s problem, Bucky is off-screen, forced into being hot and competent, actually doing something productive by hunting real villains.

He has zero actual desire to get involved in the war itself, though he does seem to be more pro-Steve, obviously, and is way more concerned about Red Skull and Lukin than he is about whatever the hell Steve and Tony are doing.

Speaking of villains, Red Skull, who we find out is using Doom’s tech but not actually working with him, is under the impression that the whole Civil War was his big, evil, successful plan. (It wasn’t, everyone contributed, but let’s humor him.)

On the slightly more angsty side—because Bucky never misses an opportunity for angst, picked it up from Steve—he does blame himself a little bit for Civil War, since some of the shit he did when he first got defrosted was cited as part of the long-ass list of “Why the SRA Needs to Exist.” Not that he’s spiraling over it, but he’s self-aware enough to recognize he helped fuel the fire. But mostly, he’s doing what Bucky kicks ass at—being hot in shadows, judging everyone, avoiding Steve’s nonsense, avoiding Tony’s nonsense, and handling actual problems. God, I want his babies.

Civil War (2006) #5

Where we swing back to Tony being a massive dick about almost everything—except for the fact that he loves Peter, one way or another.

At this point, they are sorta in the process of arguing/fighting (there is some timeline overlap), Peter is trying to run away from him, and when S.H.I.E.L.D. is about to take it too far, Tony absolutely panics because he cannot see Peter hurt.

But Peter is now technically a fugitive, and Tony’s side has recruited some deeply unhinged people, so it’s open season on Spidey, with very specific instructions that Peter is to be brought in alive and unharmed—no matter what.

That would have been great… except Peter is now running on pure panic and heartbreak, immediately realizes he is completely fucked, ends up in a stinky sewer, and gets his ass kicked into next week.

He almost dies but gets saved by Punisher of all people, who promptly brings him to Steve and the Resistance (where Sue and Johnny are pretending to be a married couple for a mission, which is weird—let’s not talk about it).

Meanwhile, Tony is spiraling. Again.

His entire strategy is falling apart, Sue Storm has already dumped Reed over this bullshit war, Steve is still out there leading his resistance, and now his own protégé—his son in all but name—has turned against him.

Tony is visibly wrecked over Peter’s defection, but since he has the emotional processing skills of a brick, he just channels all that heartbreak into “fine, let’s get Daredevil arrested next” energy, which he does—for which he is given a piece of silver and called Judas. (Brutal.)

That’s not to say Tony doesn’t care. He very clearly does, and this issue makes it obvious that he still sees Peter as a kid who needs protection, even when Peter himself doesn’t want it. But his way of showing it is, unfortunately, locking up Peter’s friends in a pocket dimension and putting a hit out on him (technically), so, uh… yeah.

Meanwhile, Steve is also getting more extreme, starting to questionably recruit people he normally wouldn’t, and letting Punisher into his little rebellion. (Which is definitely going to end well. Totally.) He is also over the moon Peter is on his side now and announces it to the others while... Peter is still unconscious. Now tell me both Steve and Tony are not simply fighting here over who gets to read him a bedtime story? Come on.

The Invincible Iron Man (2004) #13 & Amazing Spider-Man (1999) #536: (Tony’s Possible Career Change & Peter’s “Fuck You” Tour)

Alright, so The Invincible Iron Man (2004) #13 is technically Tony’s first solo Civil War issue, but fuck all actually happens.

It’s mostly a lot of “Tony, what the fuck are we doing?” meetings, brooding with some old friends, chatting to Happy while being deeply unhappy, and simultaneously spiraling, yet still, and committing war crimes in the name of national security. (Multitasking, sure.)

But one major thing does happen here, and while it’s just an offer at this point, it’s HUGE:

They start floating the idea of Tony taking over as Director of S.H.I.E.L.D.

At this point, S.H.I.E.L.D. is still running itself into the ground under Maria Hill’s special brand of leadership, but someone suggests that maybe, just maybe, the guy who is single-handedly running the actual show anyway should just be in charge of the whole thing.

And while that doesn’t happen just yet, it changes EVERYTHING for what happens post-Civil War. When it finally comes, is going to be a game-changer for his relationship with Bucky later on. (Yes, we are keeping our winteriron priorities straight, thank you.)

So, while this is happening and I am yawning 'cause Tony's first issue is so fucking underwhelming, in the Amazing Spider-Man (1999) #536, we pick up from Peter’s dramatic escape and near-death sewer experience, and things are finally coming to a head.

Peter, now officially 100% done with Tony’s bullshit, does something that could not be a bigger middle finger if he tried.

He digs out his old, classic Spider-Man suit (because fuck the Iron Spider, fuck you, Tony, I called you Dad unironically, you were my family, WTF), goes on national TV, and gives a full speech dragging the entire SRA, the Civil War, and Tony himself.

And as a helpful reminder here… Peter is not a “friendly neighborhood Spider-Man” in these comic books—he is a fucking legend, a bright, shining beacon of good for so many people (while still a menace to others, of course), and what he says actually matters.

For all of my shippy jokes and the subtext, there is a real reason why both sides want him. And it’s not just because he’s hella adorable and can kick things really hard.

When he talks, people listen. And when he does start talking, he absolutely obliterates the SRA, calls it unconstitutional, publicly calls out the people supporting it, and tells the world that he refuses to be part of it anymore. Tony loses his shit.

Okay, okay, some food for thought here, for once not related to ships I see everywhere (I have a sick mind and you are somehow still reading this, so don't ask me what's wrong with me and I will not ask you what's wrong with you).

Now, before anyone grabs their pitchforks, this is not me defending Tony’s actions (man makes a LOT of mistakes, obviously), but it is also worth remembering that he’s not a total monster here. He genuinely believes that what he’s doing is necessary, and unlike in the MCU where it’s all “let’s get a leash because one building blew up and we might have destroyed a country” the 616 version of Tony actually has a more thought-out (if deeply flawed) reason for being on the Pro-Reg side.

So, what is Tony trying to sell people on here?

Superheroes need to be trained. The trigger event for the SRA was a bunch of untrained, reality-TV-era heroes going up against a villain way out of their league, and as a result, a school full of children exploded. From Tony’s perspective, this was preventable. If these heroes had been properly trained, those kids (and some other people, but I mostly say kids, this is me not being nitty-gritty accurate about everything) wouldn’t be dead. This is not entirely wrong, but his method of fixing it is basically turning superheroes into government employees and locking up anyone who doesn’t comply, which is… less great.

The public has lost trust in superheroes. And Tony, unlike Steve, actually cares about public perception, comes with his brand and all. He sees this as a way to restore faith in the superhero community by offering transparency and accountability. The problem is obviously the way it’s being enforced is, again, deeply flawed and increasingly authoritarian.

The alternative, in his mind, is worse. He is absolutely cracked as far as Peter is concerned (fair), but here’s where Tony’s futurist brain actually screws him over—because he is not wrong when he says that if the superheroes don’t regulate themselves, the government will do it for them, and it’ll be worse. He thinks he’s getting ahead of the inevitable, but instead of negotiating and making sure the law is fair, he enforces it like an actual jackbooted stormtrooper.

So yeah, Tony is still a mess, and he’s still doing a lot of fucked-up things, but his core reasoning isn’t as evil as some people paint it in here and maybe even not as bad as I paint it overall in this recap.

He truly thinks he’s saving lives and making the world safer. He’s just doing it in the most morally questionable, emotionally compromised way possible, and at some point, even he knows it’s spiraling. That doesn’t excuse the Negative Zone prison or bounty hunting his own allies, engaging in shady business and, Jesus Fuck, cloning Thor, but it does explain why he started down this path in the first place. Tony is also on the side of the law and, for the most part, public opinion here (mostly, since actual normal public is scared AF right now). The problem is, the law isn’t always right, and Tony, in all his genius, somehow keeps forgetting that.

Now let’s hop over to Steve (“Oh No, Babe, What Are You Doing?” should be the title of his entire movement) and talk about how his ideals are great but his execution is a trainwreck. Look, Steve is not wrong—but he’s also not right in the way he thinks he is. And the biggest issue with Steve in Civil War is that his entire approach boils down to “Fuck No.” That’s it. No. No compromise. No alternative plan. Just hardcore, unwavering, freedom-loving NO. Steve’s Core Beliefs in Civil War:

"This is about freedom." Steve believes heroes should have the right to make their own choices about when and how they act, and he fundamentally rejects the idea that they should be forced to register. (Fair point, buddy, but maybe think of a Plan B? No? Cool, cool.)

"If the government can force us to do this, what’s next?” Steve has read a history book before and is fully aware that government overreach never stops at just one bad idea. And considering how mutants have already been treated (X-men and mutants are a very persecuted group here), he is not about to wait around and find out what comes next.

“I will not be controlled.” Instead of seeing if there’s a way to meet halfway or at least slow things down, Steve immediately goes, “Fuck this,” ditches his government job, and starts an underground resistance movement.

Which brings us to Steve’s biggest flaw in Civil War. Where Steve Screws Up:

Steve doesn’t even TRY to negotiate. Tony, for all his shady billionaire manipulation tactics, at least pretended to be open to discussion. Steve refused outright. Instead of using his influence to propose a better system when he still absolutely can, he straight-up vanishes into the night like Batman with extra patriotism.

His resistance is a mess. Unlike Tony, who is (somewhat) organizing a structured system, Steve’s team is basically “whoever wants to punch the government in the face” with no real plan beyond “resist.” He takes Punisher in, for crying out loud. There are no rules, no real discussions about alternatives, and no clear path forward with Steve's movement at all. This means his resistance is a bunch of scared, desperate heroes who are putting civilians in danger while trying to evade capture and kinda... all want to go home.

He is willing to let people get hurt for his cause. People are getting hurt left and right, not just his own team but also civilians caught in the crossfire. Instead of adapting or trying to find a smarter way forward, Steve just keeps doubling down, because this man went all-in on a bad bet and refuses to walk away from the table.

He does not listen. To anyone. A lot of people would have been on his side if he had actually tried to talk about a solution instead of running headfirst into a guerrilla war. Even when his own people start to question him, he digs his heels in and refuses to budge. Fuck them and the horse they rode in on is basic response to any "Emm... dude?"

Steve vs. Tony: The Real Tragedy

Steve sees Tony as a sellout, Tony sees Steve as reckless and the reality here is that they’re both kind of right.

Steve is fighting for freedom, but his method is chaotic and ultimately very dangerous. Tony is trying to prevent chaos, but his method is authoritarian, ruthless, and deeply problematic. And this is why Civil War is what it is. And why it is a lot more fun than the MCU one, if you properly get into it. At the end of the day, comic book Civil War isn’t just about laws and the SRA—it’s about two men who genuinely believe they’re doing the right thing, both completely incapable of seeing the middle ground. And, well… it all ends in disaster, obviously.

Captain America (2004) #24: In which Steve takes a page out of Bucky's book and punches the right people (for, like, 5 whole seconds) for a change. Finally! A break from all the Civil War emotional trauma to remind us that, yeah, Steve is a hero first, war criminal second. I am gonna guess it’s because we’re getting close to the finish line here (you are nearly free, yay!), so they just had to show Steve fighting someone other than his own friends for once. Progress. For… reasons.

He’s still knee-deep in Civil War Resistance mode, but he remembers for one night that there are actual bad guys in the world and focuses on a real threat: Hydra. (Or Hydra-adjacent assholes. And explosions. Lots of explosions.)

So, in this quick issue, Steve teams up with Sharon, who is now secretly working with Fury (who is still underground being an off-brand James Bond with a cigar budget, doing his own resistance thing much better), and together, they take on some good ol’ Hydra goons. Well, Steve takes on Hydra goons by blowing them up (probably killing them, but let’s just say “off-screen unconsciousness” for the sake of the PG-13 rating), and Sharon rolls in with her flying car to rescue him from S.H.I.E.L.D.

And, oh yeah, Red Skull is still lurking in the background, thriving on the fact that the Civil War is keeping everyone too distracted to stop him. He’s over here cackling like a Scooby-Doo villain, making sure Steve and Tony stay too busy ruining each other’s lives to notice he’s playing puppet master behind the scenes. (Smart move, honestly. Props to him for being the one guy who actually planned his shit out properly.)

Look, the details might be fuzzy (it’s getting late for me here), but the core takeaway is this: Cap is actually being Captain America again for an entire issue—stopping real threats, foiling evil plans, and protecting people instead of just yeeting his side at Tony’s.

The Invincible Iron Man (2004) #14

A good Tony issue following a good Steve issue… I wonder why that is. Not a good issue in the sense that Tony’s thriving—oh no, this man is drowning in consequences—but good in the sense that we finally get a proper deep dive into the emotional wreckage that is Tony Stark, destroyer of friendships, king of bad decisions, and certified government tool (actual fucking tool, honestly, but I love him and he can have Bucky’s babies, though I am not into mpreg).

This issue is actually packed.

Happy is dying in a hospital bed, Steve is still actively resisting arrest, Peter is on a fugitive road trip, and Sue Storm is ready to rip Tony’s head off for ruining her marriage. The government is still offering him more power, because sure, let’s give the stressed-out man on the verge of a breakdown full control over the most powerful intelligence agency on Earth.

Anyhow… not to go into too much detail here, but Tony cannot resist one last chance to talk things out with Steve and arranges a stadium meeting with Cap. You might think, “Oh, good, they’re going to try reasoning with each other like adults!” HAHAHA, NOPE.

The meeting lasts about five seconds before it devolves into a fight, which Steve… starts again. The emotional tension is through the roof, Peter is there too (aww, hurts), and they’re not just fighting over the SRA, they’re fighting over their entire broken relationship. If someone played “It’s Time to Go” by Taylor Swift over this sequence, it would fit perfectly.

Though Tony actually mostly fights with Peter here and still manages to pay him a compliment in the process, giving us hope that not all is lost, which we desperately need. But overall, the whole thing is still a disaster. Life is fully kicking Tony's ass from all directions, the temptation to drown it in whiskey is creeping back in, he is considering hitting the bottle, and… Tony is at a crossroads. He’s losing everyone who ever mattered to him, his side is looking increasingly shady, and the weight of everything is crashing down on him. We actually get some raw, human, vulnerable Tony, instead of just “mustache-twirling villain” Tony. So yeah, finally, a good Tony issue.

In case you were wondering, Peter is in fact fully on team Cap now, not just for the stadium fight, and in the Amazing Spider-Man (1999) #537 still has his morals intact (bless him), and this issue is about reinforcing that.

So, Steve—who is now basically Peter’s new/old father figure, 'sits' him down and hits him with the big speech.

And, my GOD, does he deliver it.

He drops one of the most iconic Captain America monologues in all of comic book history:

“Doesn’t matter what the press says. Doesn’t matter what the politicians or the mob say. Doesn’t matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else: the requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences.”

And you just know this wrecks Peter emotionally, because this is exactly the kind of moral backbone that made him idolize heroes in the first place. This is the moment where Peter fully solidifies his stance. He’s not just on Team Cap because he got burned by Tony—he believes in what Steve is saying. Tony is having an emotional crisis over Peter leaving, which I completely understand, and... Peter also throws some flirty one-liners at the Cap, since our babe can't help it.

Civil War (2006) #6 and we are at maximum endgame (ugh, still hurts) mode now.

At this point in the war, neither side is even pretending to be civil despite moments of personal growth, slash remembering who they are, and both Steve and Tony have fully committed to their respective roles as Head of the Underground Resistance (Steve) and CEO of Government Overreach Inc. (Tony).

We start off with Tony and Reed in full villain arc, sipping coffee and talking about how crime rates are dropping (I have no idea how, since all the superheroes are busy beating the shit out of each other instead of fighting crime, but never mind me), and immediately move on to the Punisher deciding today is the day for homicide.

He sneaks into the Baxter Building (as one does) to steal information on “Number 42” which is not Tony’s latest suit model but instead the name for his prison in the Negative Zone where they’re throwing unregistered heroes indefinitely and that caused Peter and Tony to block each other on Facebook.

Totally normal, non-dystopian behavior, nothing to see here.

Sue Storm is out here making power moves too, pulling up to Atlantis and trying to convince Namor to get off his fishy ass and help Team Cap. Namor, in true “I am too sexy to care” fashion, basically shrugs and says, “Surface problems? Sounds like a you problem,” before dramatically flipping his cape and walking away. (Sue, girl, I admire the effort and only mention it, cause you are one of the very few truly likable characters in this Event.)

Back at Team Cap’s HQ, Steve unveils his master plan: an all-out raid on the Negative Zone prison to free their captured allies. The team is hyped, ready for action—until Punisher casually murders two villains in cold blood right in front of everyone because they dared to ask if they could help. Steve, who may be a war criminal but still has standards, absolutely loses it and beats the hell out of Frank before throwing him out of the rebellion.

Tony on his end is having an emotional meeting with Miriam Sharpe (aka, “Tony’s #1 Fan Who Also Made Him Feel Like Shit at That Funeral”). He throws some cash at a pretty garden with angels for the dead kids, she thanks him for all his hard work but also makes it clear that, yeah, this war is costing him everything. (Gee, thanks for the reminder, Miriam, I’m sure Tony didn’t notice he’s lost literally all of his friends by now.)

The issue ends with Steve pulling a classic Uno Reverse Card on Tony. The Pro-Reg forces think they’re about to stomp the rebellion once and for all, but—surprise, bitches!—Team Cap knew there was a mole in their ranks (Ragnarök, I’m looking at you, you Dollar Store Thor knockoff), and they had Hulkling impersonate Hank Pym to sneak in and free all the captured heroes before the fight even starts. So, yeah. Big-ass battle incoming, and I can nearly go to sleep.

Civil War (2006) #7 You’ve made it! (I low-key question if anyone actually did make it this far, but I am very into this now, so…)

This is the big one. The final battle. The moment where all this superhero divorce drama comes to a head, and oh my God, it is so much.

So, after about a million issues of emotional devastation, betrayal, and Peter collecting father figures like infinity stones, we finally get the massive all-out brawl between Team Cap and Team Tony. And when I say massive, I mean half the Marvel Universe is throwing hands in the middle of New York City. Superpowered beings are crashing through buildings, explosions are going off everywhere, and don't ask me why they thought “protecting civilians” and “obliterating the city” were compatible ideas.

Steve and Tony really do go at it like two exes who just found out they were sleeping with the same person (Peter, doll, what are you doing? Kidding, kidding).

Steve is beating the absolute shit out of Tony, and Tony—who is running on the fumes of guilt and exhaustion—lets him.

Because Tony is ready to die. That’s right. Tony, who has been holding onto control like his life depends on it (because it literally does), just gives up, drops the metaphorical gloves, and basically tells Steve: “Go ahead, finish it.”

And Steve almost does.

(Not to draw parallels here, but Bucky tried to pull the same move with him and proceed with murder-kill when he was brainwashed. What's Steve's excuse here?)

Like, Steve almost wins. The Resistance might not have, but Steve does. He is seconds away from beating Tony to actual death in the middle of the nightmare they’ve caused—but then. Civilians. Regular-ass, non-superpowered, completely terrified people tackle Steve to the ground.

They’re not protecting Tony (maybe a little, it's up for debate, see the panels)—they’re stopping Steve. Because holy shit, Steve. Look at what you’ve done. Steve does. Look. And finally sees it.

The destruction, the sheer chaos, the city that’s half in ruins because of this war. He sees the fear in their eyes and realizes that this isn’t about freedom anymore. He’s lost the plot. They’ve all kind of lost the plot, and someone has to give up, and he will not let Tony beat him to it.

So, Steve. Fucking. Stops.

He takes off his mask, drops his shield, and says, “It’s over.” He turns himself in. He turns Steve Rogers in specifically, essentially following the law, and Team Cap officially loses the war.

At the end of this, Tony—bruised, in desperate need of a good fuck (hey, Bucky, where you at?), and still internally monologuing about how the fuck his life turned into this—is appointed Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. And this is how, after so many words, christ, the Civil War officially, techically ends, and the winteriron timeline can properly begin. Happy tears, I am crying happy tears right now.

So, Part 3 of this ‘brief’ (lol) timeline is coming ASAP, and it does deliver on some juicy Bucky and Tony interactions—actual on-page moments, not just me connecting the angst dots with wishful thinking, promise.

And if you’re thinking things might slow down now—oh, my sweet summer child. We are only just getting to the fun part, since Captain America essentially becomes Bucky’s comic book. The stakes are different, the players have shifted, but Tony and Bucky finally start existing in the same space.

If Civil War was crazy, what happens next is the part where we go off the rails entirely in the best possible way.

To confirm, where we are:

Bucky is in the wind but possibly smoking cigars with Fury.

Bad guys who were ignored for this Event do have some plotty evil planned.

Tony is in charge of S.H.I.E.L.D. and he still has to keep hunting down anti-registration supers.

Steve is alive and in jail. For now.

And Peter—oh God, I have to mention this, because I must, and this just further confirms that some of the editors were shipping Peter with someone other than MJ.

So, Peter is an absolute disaster, thanks for asking. And if you know comic books and reading this just to laugh at me getting shit wrong and are wondering, “Wow, does she about to mention One More Day?”—yes. Yes, I am. And I don’t want to talk about it. But I will, just for a second.

One More Day (2007) is Marvel committing a crime against humanity.

It’s a four-issue arc where Marvel editorial decided Peter was too happy and needed to suffer more, so they erased his marriage to MJ from existence. (Ah, yeah, he was married to her this whole time, in case I didn’t mention it, but I was too busy pushing Starker on people if the winteriron angle didn’t work out.)

Basically, after Civil War, Peter’s life goes to absolute hell. He unmasked, so every villain with a grudge is coming for him, Kingpin puts out a hit, and Aunt May gets shot.

Peter, being the absolute hero of a man that he is, tries everything to save her. He begs Tony for help (doesn’t work). He tries to make a deal with Doctor Strange (doesn’t work). And just when it looks like May is going to die, the literal devil (Mephisto) shows up and is like, “Hey, Pete, what if I saved your aunt, but in exchange, I erased your marriage to MJ from existence so you two never got married and will never be happy together?”

And Peter and MJ actually say yes. BOOM. Years of character development and one of Marvel’s most iconic relationships is GONE, conveniently removing all that pesky guilt when Peter flirts with older men.

So, Aunt May lives, but now Peter and MJ were never married, and no one remembers he unmasked during Civil War. The comic book fandom hates it. The writers regret it. Everyone pretends it didn’t happen. Marvel did make a movie about this though, kinda. Also kidding. But for real, it’s one of the most infamous and universally despised retcons in Marvel history.

And on that cheerful and very nerdy note, thank you for reading.

Masterpost with all parts

[dadvans]

2024 Tumblr Top 10

thank you to @rcmclachlan @iphyslitterator and @screamlet for tagging me! It was absolutely amazing sharing a new fandom with you this past year, whether it was reuniting or meeting for the first time, and decompressing from a mentally rough year on here was THEE absolute highlight.

Share your top 10 tumblr posts from last year! Visit this site, scroll down to "Find your Tumblr Top 10," type in your username, and select 2024. When you get the results, simply click "Share to Tumblr" and you'll get an auto-generated draft for a post with links and previews. Make any adjustments you see fit.

5,775 notes (Jun 6 2024)

seeing a long text post that begins with “eddie” and scrolling down to cheat with the tags because it’s like, what if that’s not about MY eddie. is it 9-1-1 eddie. is it stranger things eddie. is it IT chapters one and two eddie. is it monsterfucker venom eddie. like, what eddie are we putting into gay little situations today.

the funniest part of this post is that i purposefully did not tag it, because i believed the right people would see it. i wasn't wrong.

2. 2,992 notes (Jun 21 2024)

the silliest fandom problem to have is curating my online space so carefully and so vigilantly that when mentions of a truly delusional post break containment and intrigue me, i have to use quantum physics and enter the fifth dimension just to find that post because i want to have a vicious little popcorn moment

this was 100% about buddie fandom. but i have a feeling it'll be relevant for the next 7,000 years. let the aliens find this one carved in stone.

3. 1,454 notes (Apr 1 2024)

Tomorrow when they log onto this webbed site they will see a post and like it But tonight Tumblr is alive It is a perfect spring day: there is a silly little button And when the girlies scroll past each post they will boop each mutual twice as much as usual

April Fools :')

4. 1,370 notes (Jun 8 2024)

my favorite line in the entire bucktommy saga is maddie’s reading of “wait, it’s the same tommy?” (...)

sometimes i can be funny. i love this post. i don't always write meta, but when i do, i'm hilarious.

5. 1,308 notes (May 1 2024)

lou ferrigno jr. scrunchy nose smile reblog if u agree

yeah 🥲

6. 1,138 notes (Oct 13 2024)

i love you hockey season i love you hockey narratives i love you old dogs senior sanctuary players in their 30s trying to make it count i love you rookies failing and fumbling and loving the game anyway with the weight of the world on your shoulders (...)

i came for the intricate rituals and i stayed for the game (but also still the intricate rituals)

7. 1,133 notes (Nov 3 2024)

you know that when everyone at harbor finds out tommy is dating someone from the 118, they start a joke gofundme called “tommy kinard inevitable injury fund,” but when they find out the person he’s dating is evan crushed-by-firetruck-struck-by-lightning buckley, they start all contributing to it monthly in earnest

i think this mostly got traction because myself and several others continued to riff on it, and it was delightful. example no. 5001 that bucktommy had unlimited fun potential as a ship.

8. 1,047 notes (May 21 2024)

me writing 9-1-1 fic: i have to know the exact make and model of this helicopter and 3 years from now i’ll have a pilot license in my quest to get every fact absolutely right just in case 9-1-1 the tv show: what if a house was alive and it would NOT stop calling the cops

i love this show bc ghosts are real in a way they never directly address head on but continually acknowledge

9. 1,026 notes (Jun 24 2024)

that’s how this scene happened, right

TELL ME I'M WRONG

10. 866 notes (Sep 28 2024)

“all bucktommy fans are over 30” yeah man why do you think all of our fic is so fucking good

lol. from the bottom of my heart: lmao.

tagging: @newtkelly @alchemistc @geddyqueer @middyblue @starryeyedjanai

[rum-and-shattered-dreams]

Engaging Encounter - Chapter 3 - Rekindling

Overall Summary:

In the months following Weirdmageddon, Ford reconciled with Stan while helping him with his lost memories but struggled to really reconnect with Fiddleford until Dipper and Mabel visited for their winter break. When Mabel found out they were once more than friends, she couldn’t help recruiting Stan and Dipper to help her play matchmaker again.

Chapter Summary:

Click here for the visual version

Ford helps Fiddleford with a new take on an old invention. They reach a minor breakthrough and celebrate like they did back in college… Except it’s fueled by 30+ years of loneliness that leads to the realization that their time and stress-worn bodies have new limitations. But they’re both pretty good at seeing potential and find ways to make it work.

Chapter Notes:

Welcome to the Smut Ultra chapters.

Also some angst and fluff

This is very much written to include imperfections (some that came with age/stressful lives and neglect) and built on themes of acceptance, understanding, and compassion.

I purposely left the description of music playing in the background semi-vague so you can imagine whatever song(s) you'd like there.

Stay tuned for more Smut Ultra: Kink Edition in chapter 4 (somewhat of an epilogue).

Overall Notes:

More feelings and characterization-heavy smut to follow Embarrassing Encounter

It references events from the Pleasant Encounters series but it isn't necessary to read those to understand this.)

The entirety of this is already written and new chapters will be posted on Friday evenings (EST).

Chapters one and two are Smut Lite (mostly feelings, bonding, and fluff)

Chapters three and four are Smutty Smut Smut.

Ford and Fiddleford do not know what labels they fall under but Stan mentions it might be sex-positive and on the aroace spectrum.

Dipper and Mabel understand sexual topics in this fic. They’re not involved in any but they’re not ignorant to them. It’s mentioned that their parents have already talked to them about it all in an appropriate way. Just sticking that warning here in case it bothers anyone if they understand what’s happening behind closed doors and joke about it in the way that 13-year-olds sometimes do.

(Going to reblog with the link and a link to some art so check the notes for this or just search for Snarkyhermit on AO3.)

Writing blog @shattereddreams-gravityfallsfics

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

About to post the first chapter of a fic that's so. It's just SO

I already mentioned this one over on the Gentlebeard fic hangout community (click the link on desktop or let me know if you want an invite) and here's a little preview for everyone who missed it because this one is SO GOOD guys you don't even knoooow

The premise of the AU is Ed and Stede are paranormal investigators, and most cases they get called to are nonsense, but when newlyweds Lucius and Pete call them out to the expansive property they were able to buy surprisingly cheaply, they're thrust straight into a mystery: what happened to Blackbeard and the Gentleman Pirate, and why are their ghosts so angry? The fic weaves modern AU scenes with canon-era scenes and it's very bittersweet and, in a word, haunting.

This one deals heavily with themes of grief, mourning, and the inevitability of knowing all stories ultimately must end the same way, so head's up there, and our canon-era boys end in tragedy in their time but - look at me - there's a happy ending. Here are the final entries from the Gentleman Pirate's journal, kept at the local maritime museum Stede sometimes visited as a child. He could never look at them for too long because the vaguely familiar handwriting unsettled him too much. (Behind a cut because they're SAD but if I'm sad I want you all to suffer with me lol)

I watched you dance in the clouds this morning. I wish you were in our kitchen again, dancing across the floor as we make breakfast. Our cat misses you. I yelled at her this morning because she wouldn’t stop crying for you. I feel awful about it now. I can’t stop thinking about how cold you must be right now. How much you’d hate the dirt.

I hate that we didn’t get our rings back. I can’t stand to look at my hand without it.

I keep thinking every sound I hear is just you. Walking around the house. Working in the library. Cooking in the kitchen. Nothing but ghosts of you, everywhere.

Please wait for me. I’ll be home soon. The grave in the garden won’t be satisfied until you’re in my arms again.

[holylulusworld]

Looking for some recommendations by you or your kind followers 🥰

Steve or Bucky mafia / mob or abo series

And Henry Cavill series (I've fallen into a big rabbit hole of lusting over that man lol)

I've read all of your stories so much Lulu, like Consolidation Bride is like my number 1 series. I reread it often sometimes when I walk my dog or when I'm moody and on my period😂.

Hi lovely. Aw, I'm happy someone loves Consolation Bride as much as I do. I'm tempted to write a sequel, I just don't know when.

Let's see, I will list the blogs coming to my mind in random order. I hope I don't forget half of the people I follow...

I highly recommend @angrythingstarlight's blog for Mafia AUs. She has wonderful Mafia AUs for Bucky.

@navybrat817 has great stories for Bucky & Steve & Henry's characters. Check her Bucky list for Mafia stories.

@kinanabinks has an awesome Mafia Bucky x Best Friend (fairy) series. You can find it here: MOB!BUCKY MASTERLIST

@jtargaryen18 has a wonderful Mafia Steve / arranged marriage story called His Inheritance (ongoing). I got it on my reading list.

@sinner-as-saint has all your little heart desires, including mafia AUs, A/B/O and so much more.

@biteofcherry has great a/b/o & mafia stories for Steve. I think some are dark, so check the warnings for triggers.

@smutsonian has this mafia Steve I just discovered and need to read.

@buckyalpine has a story called pretty little thing with Mob Bucky. It's on my reading list.

You are looking for Henry & his roles? Fear not. Look at @littlefreya's blog. Here's her "stories" masterlist. There is a drabbles masterlist in her bio too.

Do you need more Henry? Here you go: @viking-raider will help you out.

@waiting4inspiration has an Alpha Bucky series.

These are the ones coming to my mind atm. If anyone has stories for nonnie to read, please feel free to add them to his post. 😊

[trans-librarian]

Good Mornings and Model Kits

Tags: M/M, Fluff, Domestic, Established relationship, Team Fortress 2, Medic, Engineer, EngieMedic, Science Party, German Engineering

WC: 1.5k

CW: None this is the fluffiest most self indulgent garbage I have ever written. We die like mercs choking on the sugar of this fluff. You could consider a line or two hinting at suggestive buuuuut it's nothing explicit

Translations:

Mein Leibe - My love

mein bärchen - My teddy bear

A/N: Sooooooo I always promised myself that I wouldn't start writing fanfic because like idk I told myself that it would be cringey to write fanfic and that anything I wrote would suck but to be cringe is to be free and this image was too strong in my brain not to write and gods I gotta let myself be and create what I want instead of what I think is good enough.

I was super inspired by @creedei and his engiemedic art. I was low-key inspired by these posts: (I also love popitdontdropit on AO3 they're transmasc engie fanfic will make you ascend to a higher plane)

https://www.tumblr.com/creedei/727483531127914496/sketch-dump (third image)

https://www.tumblr.com/creedei/721589317420695552/cute-aggression

https://archiveofourown.org/users/popitdontdropit/

Also its not noted in the fic or relevant but my engie is transmasc I need everyone to know because its my favorite hc. I fell in love with creedei's engie. He's mad gender euphoria for me as a transmasc guy with the same body type (also because i simp hard for medic so seeing the character I project onto with the character I like is just *chefs kiss*). And pyro who is mentioned in passing uses they/she pronouns because I like when this shit is as queer as possible and I get to choose what happens in this story.

I'll probably also cross post this on AO3 at some point and link it here. Anyway, Enjoy!!! *runs and hides*

A quiet dawn begins to trickle light into the Red barracks. All is quiet on a seldom day off for the Red Team. Medic drinks in this treasured time. With a cup of tea in hand he turned towards the infirmary where the notes from his most recent experiment await review. He definitely needs to reevaluate the actual size of a gorilla liver before putting it into Demoman again. The muffled sounds of snores creates a lulling tune that echoes in the halls until...

tink tink tink clunk

tink tink tink clunk

"Hm?" Medic's ears perked up to the quiet sound

click click

tink tink tink

"Vhat is zhat?" Medic turns to follow the sound.

A tiny symphony of clicks and clacks emanates from deep in the halls past the common area and the majority of the bedrooms. Medic follows the sound through the hall.

tink tink tink clunk

tink tink tink tink clunk

tink tink clunk

Medic finds himself at the Engineer's workshop.

"He never usually vakes up zhis early on a day off at least not vithout vaking me for some.....private time" Medic smirks to himself thinking of Engie and his previous day off exploits in Engie's room, Medic's room, the infirmary operating table, the shower... Medic gets lost for a moment in a glow of those steamy memories and shakes his head bringing him back to reality. "Vonder vhat he's doing?" Medic thinks and slowly opens the door and sneaks into Dell's workshop.

Dell's back is facing the door as he sits at his desk. The small bulbed lamp on his work desk illuminates a halo of light around the man. The soft sweater he's wearing adds a comforting warmth to the glow. An etheral god tinkering with his realm. Like a moth to a flame, the medic slowly crossed the room beelining to the one place where he slots in perfectly. Once within reach, Medic wraps his arms around Engie leaning his head on Dell's shoulder placing a gentle kiss before resting his head.

"Good morning mein leibe" Ludwig cooed "What's got you up so earl-" tink "Ow! vhat vas zhat"

"Sorry darlin' sometimes the little bits go flyin' because of the nippers," Engie turned "Where did you get hit?"

"Why?"

"So I can kiss it better." Dell smiled.

Ludwig groaned at the horrible pickup line and smirked "I got hit right here" and points to his mouth.

"I'm very sorry" Dell chuckled. He grabbed the Medic's chin with his gunslinger with the lightest touch only he is capable of and gave him a gentle kiss. "What brings you by the workshop this early, dumplin'?"

"I was getting some tea and I heard the sound of..."

tink tink

"Ow!" another small piece of plastic hits Medic in the forehead. "...Zhat. I heard zhat and started following and it brought me here, mein bärchen. Vhat is zhis anyway?"

"Sorry again. The lil bits that come off the model kit pieces can go flying in unexpected places."

"Model kit? I didn't know you even were interested in these let alone where to find them."

"Pyro turned me on to these last time we went to town. They begged me to take her to this store with all these fancy plushies that are imported so they could get a new one for their collection. Real quality y'know. She ended takin' a while but ended up choosing this nice bear fox thing that I learned is called a tanuki and then there was this other one that was an armadillo and I was thinkin' about it but I realized I would never use-"

"Sveetie. You're rambling"

"Thank you" Engie laughs, "what would I do without you?" He places a hand on medics cheek and places a kiss on the other. "So Pyro showed me these model kits they have and they said I would love these and I grabbed a couple to keep 'em around. This is the first chance I've had to put one together."

"Interesting. Vhat's it going to be?" The Medic looks at the subject of their boyfriend's focus and sees....well a lot of pieces that will make something? Small red and black pieces of plastic twinkle under the work lamp. A large pile of injection mold sheets loom next to Engie's work area. Pieces are in various states of progress some starting to take shape like limbs.

"It's gonna be a robot. A lot of these kits are different robots couldn't tell you much because I can't read the Japanese on the box, but it'll look neat when it's done based of the pictures." Dell informed his boyfriend as Medic snuggles closer to listen to the Engineer tell him about his latest project. "This piece is gonna be one of the arms and it bends like this so you can pose it and change out the hands. And this is gonna be the leg."

"Can I stay and vatch vhile you vork?"

"Of course, moon pie!"

Ludwig pulls a stool over behind Dell so he can stay in his current position arms wrapped around the engineer sinking slightly into his plush yet muscular tummy and rest his head on his lover's strong shoulder.

The symphony of click and tinks resumed as Dell settled into a new rythmn of work. The sound of Engie and Medic quietly talking, giggling, or just enjoying the intoxicating calmness together.

Ludwig watches Dell's hands deftly click the plastic pieces together. He marvels at the precise and delicate movement of the gunslinger. The same robotic hand capable of crushing bone and tearing metal also able to pick up fragile things with ease truly is one of the greatest miracles the Medic has ever seen. He can't help and feel so much love when with Dell. He could just...

"Gah! Ludwig, did you just bite me?" Engineer cried out grabbing the side of his neck.

"I couldn't help it." Medic chuckled "You looked so perfect and it's so cozy. I had to bite."

"You're lucky I love you, moon pie"

"I know. Love you too leibe"

Dell refocuses as a faint set of teeth marks bloom on his skin.

tink tink tink clunk

tink tink clunk

tink tink tink clunk

click click click

click click

clunk

"Leibschen you put the thing on upside down."

"Are you sure? this looks right, dumplin'."

"Look at the picture the angular part of the kidney shaped piece should be pointing towards that half frisbee piece on the big piece"

Dell picks up the instructions and squints closely at them. Ludwig reaches his hand over and turns the upside down instructions right side up.

"Oooooooh. I see what you mean"

clunk click claclunk

"Thank you, sweetie"

tink tink clunk

tink tink tink clunk

click click

"Finally finished" Engie and Medic look at the little robot model in all its completed glory. The small figurine shined in the now brighter lit room each piece sanded perfect and each sticker placed precisely. The angular crimson robot sported a long bazooka in one hand and a clenched fist on the other arm. The sleek robot stands posed with one fist raised triumphantly.

"Let me try" Medic gently picks up the robot model and begins to fiddle with it. He pops out the gun hand and puts in a fist. He bends one leg while straightening the other completely. The arms are folded in front of it. After, carefully balancing the model on the table. Medic reveals the robot in a Katosky Kick. Dell and Ludwig chuckle looking at the cutely posed robot. They look at each other. Such a nice moment together. Engie leans forward and kisses Medic lovingly.

"Thank you for spendin' time with me, darlin'." Dell cooed warmly, "havin' company really made my mornin'." He gently places a hand on Medic's cheek and strokes it with his thumb.

Medic places a hand over Engie's. "Of course, my bärchen. I couldn't think of a better way to spend my morning."

Dell and Ludwig bask in each in this moment. Engie looks at his lover and sees the passionate and ambitious doctor he always fell for and keeps falling for every day. Medic sees the strong and beautiful inventor that fought to be here in more ways than one.

"Now vhat?"

"I don't know. Wanna go make a real robot?"

"I've got the perfect spider monkey brain I've been saving for a rainy day!" Medic squealed "You get the supplies. I'll get the brain and bring it back here" Medic planted a hard kiss on Engie's temple before running off.

[starlightshadowsworld]

You don't know what I'd do (for you) Part 4 (Epilogue)

Link to full fic

Link to Part 1 of the series: Me and the Devil (Walking side by side)

Hey! You two be careful out there!" Yelled Kunikida, somehow his voice reached Atsushi and Kyouka who were by the water.

"We will!" Yelled Atsushi, it was only due to the tiger that he heard Kunikida.

"Relax Kunikida, they're big kids." Said Dazai, walking over to him and making Kunikida scoff. "You say that like you haven't been watching them as well." Grumbled his partner.

Dazai simply smiled.

"I didn't deny that, just that they'll be alright. Atsushi's a strong swimmer and besides, Kyouka won't let anything happen to him."

Even from this distance, Dazai could see Kyouka's critical eye on Atsushi as they played. She shrieked as Atsushi splashed water at her, and she returned the favour.

Atsushi's laughter filled the air and it was a truly welcoming sound. Kunikida visibly softened hearing it. A weight on his shoulders lifting and Dazai felt the same.

The day out to the beach had been a unanimous decision.

As much as everyone wanted to keep Atsushi inside and observed under a microscope, they all knew that was a bad idea.

Atsushi was scarred, and not in a way Yosano could heal. He needed this, to run and play like the kid he was never able to be.

Under the watchful but not suffocating eye of his friends.

If Kunikida wasn't being such a mother hen, Dazai might've reminded him that this had been Kunikida's idea.

Ah well, there was plenty of time for that.

"Kenji! Help me!" Called Kyouka, clearly losing against Atsushi. Kenji looked up from where he was making a sand castle with Junichiro and grinned.

"Coming!" Junichiro watched him go and got up as well. "I've got you Atsushi!" He yelled, running to his aid.

Atsushi smiled appreciatively before he was immediately put on defence by the sheer might of Kyouka and Kenji.

Dazai chuckled at the sight. He and Kunikida went to where the "adults" were hanging out. Yosano was reading a magazine. Ranpo was eating some sweets and Fukuzawa was reading a book.

"Ah the civilised people, we've come to join you" declared Dazai, flopping onto an empty deck chair.

Yosano snorted "just you wait till I finish this. I'm gonna crush them all."

Ranpo snorted "Oh you think I won't?" Asked Yosano, a sinister smile on her face that scared everyone. Except Ranpo of course, he just smirked back. "I don't know, if I join you might be outmatched."

Yosano's eyes shined with glee "is that so? Would you care to put your money where your mouth is?"

Fukuzawa shook his head with a fond smile. While Kunikida seriously debated if these were indeed the "civilised people."

"He looks happy" said Fukuzawa, getting all of their attention. Even when he wasn't in President mode, the man was hard to ignore.

"Kyouka said he had a nightmare last night." Said Kunikida, his voice quiet even though none of the teens could hear him. Nor were they paying them any attention.

"I thought about cancelling this, but I'm glad I didn't."

Yosano nodded in agreement, putting down her magazine. "It's going to be an uphill journey, healing as much as I wish it was, is not linear."

Aint that the truth.

Atsushi bless his heart had come so far. The fact he'd even come out to the beach, said it all. In the beginning Atsushi was terrified to go out. But even more so to stay inside.

The sound of a lock clicking sent him into a panic attack. Kyouka had called them in the dead of night multiple times.

Where they'd find Atsushi had woken up screaming and sobbing. The worst were the times when Atsushi would run off.

It reminded everyone just how close they came to losing him before.

To everyone's suprise whenever Atsushi ran off, Akutugawa of all people would burst into the Agency.

Sometimes literally. Rip Bernard, the poor office door gone before it's time.

Akutagawa would shove Atsushi onto the sofa and nod at everyone. Sometimes he'd leave, but sometimes Atsushi would grab onto his coat.

And Akutugawa would roll his eyes and sit back down. They'd end up talking about a mission, quickly going back to their usual banter.

But there was no bite to it. And it escaped no one that Rashomon was always hovering nearby incase of attack.

Than there was Chuuya.

Though Dazai wasn't suprised at him showing up. The Slug had always had a big mushy bleeding heart, as much as he denied it.

It was still funny to see Kunikida's shocked face that morning seeing Port Mafia Executive Chuuya Nakahara in the Agency building.

Sitting on a chair in the infirmary by Atsushi's bed and telling him a very embarrassing story about teenage Dazai.

Because of course he was.

Dazai could only huff theatrically because Atsushi was giggling. And his ego could be stabbed multiple times, if it meant Atsushi could look so happy again.

What did pour salt in the wound though was Kunikida silently pulling his own chair out. And gesturing for Chuuya to continue.

Truly the worst act of betrayal

They'd even gone for drinks as they'd planned before all of this. Dazai had nothing to receive such cruelty.

"By the way, what's the story with Dostoyevsky?" Asked Fukuzawa, his voice dropped to a whisper at his name. He didn't want to mention the bastard even if Atsushi couldn't hear him.

Ah, speaking of cruelty.

Once Atsushi had been rescued, the bastard had fled. But with the entire Agency minus Atsushi and several members of the Port Mafia, it was child's play to locate him.

Dazai hadn't even cared to play their game. He just ran over and decked Fyodor in the face. Sending him flying into a wall with a look of suprise.

"That's for Atsushi, but you and I both know you deserve so much worse."

Fyodor had dared to smirk and Dazai had to stop himself from punching him again. "Oh? And where were you when he handed himself over to me?"

He got up.

"You should've heard him, crying and screaming in agony it was like music to my ea-"

It wasn't Dazai who hit him. Kenji's eyes blazed brightly, no one had seen him move. All they saw was Fyodor hit the ceiling so hard he definitely broke something.

"Take his name out of your mouth."

Kenji who had been guarding the infirmary, who had wept when Atsushi was safe. Stood over Fyodor, seething like an avenging angel.

"You don't get to talk about him like you know him" Said Kyouka, her blade sharp in her hands.

"You played on our fears and he tried to stop you. And he won, because Atsushi's safe and you're here alone and pathetic."

Fyodor sneered and Junichiro stood infront of Kyouka and Kenji. "That's as far as you go" he glared, his bloodlust was practically tangible. "And what? You're going to kill me?"

Junichiro shook his head.

"Deaths too good for you, you're going to suffer for what you did. You want to be the king of this world? You'll rot in a cage beneath the earth and lay forgotten and pathetic."

Among the blazing rage, Dazai felt pride. And he knew he wasn't the only one.

Kunikida stepped forward, beside Junichiro. "You have no power here, you have no one and nothing. You're done, Fyodor Dostoyevsky."

Nikolai, the clown had been apprehended. He'd been Atsushi's torturer, they'd pieced it together from whispered words and sobs.

A man called Sigma hadn't been involved but he'd been informed. He'd told the Agency everything he knew, even volunteering to take Fyodor's memories and share them with Ango.

That way any future schemes would be cut short. Fukuzawa had agreed at the plan.

Dazai nullified his ability and Chuuya used his ability to keep the rat captive. He threw him (literally) into a cold cell.

Now that, was teamwork.

Death was a mercy Dazai wouldn't grant Fyodor.

If it was up to him Fyodor would rot in a cage too small for his feeble body. And he would suffer every wound and the pain he put Atsushi through.

But no amount of suffering would give Atsushi back what he'd lost.

And Dazai refused to become a monster and lose what he'd gained. The thought only cemented in his mind when he saw Kenji stood by the door.

"I want to kill him..." He whispered, voice shaking with anger, fear, greif and sadness.

They were all just kids, weren't they?

Dazai instantly pulled him into a hug. Letting him sob and hold him close. "I know Kenji, I know."

That damn Demon had taken enough from his family, Dazai refused to let him take any more.

"He's being interrogated currently, the Port Mafia are having their turn." Said Dazai, answering Fukuzawa's question.

Oh they had his memories now, Chuuya and Akutugawa were just taking shots at him.

Fukuzawa nodded.

That's when Atsushi ran over with a grin. "Well well look at what the cat dragged in" teased Ranpo. He threw a towel that Atsushi caught and bundled himself up in.

Looking all for the world like a drenched kitten. 

"Welcome to the civilised people corner, Atsushi." Said Dazai making him snort. "No offence Dazai but if it involves you it's not a very civilised corner."

Dazai gasped in mock offense and Kunikida snorted. "So true Atsushi, did you want a snack?" Atsushi nodded, but averted his eyes. 

"I... I just wanted to be close by." He said, in almost a whisper but they all caught it.

Dazai softened, scooting over and while the space was small, Atsushi slotted down beside him instantly.

He sent a reassuring look to Kyouka who nodded and went back to playing. 

Ranpo took that as a cue to regale them all with a story of a case. One that was rather light and funny. Yosano chimed in, considering she'd been there.

Atsushi listened as he munched on a snack Kunikida passed over to him. Once he was sufficiently dry, he was bundled up in a blanket.

Dazai put a protective arm over him and Atsushi let out a relieved sigh.

And maybe just maybe things would be alright once again. They'd never go back to the way they were, and Atsushi had plenty to heal from. 

But he wasn't alone.

Something told Atsushi he'd never be again. He'd broken his deal with a Demon. Atsushi had shown how far he'd go for those he loved. And in turn they showed just how far they would.

For him.

He'd missed this, and for the first time Atsushi was truly glad he'd survived.

[sketchyorsomething]

A Shoulder To Cry On - Fic

(This is crossposted on Ao3, so click this link if you prefer to read it there! Over there you'll find a more detailed conclusion/explanation in the end notes, but it's not neccessary to understand this fic. The Tags are mainly friendship, Angst and Hurt/Comfort; if you want to stay on tumblr you can find the fic underneath the cut)

Author's Notes: It's a little crazy that I'm already able to post this, but it felt like the fic wrote itself. (And more are maybe coming, depending on how much I have to do in the next weeks; Though I can't really say they're all that much happier, somehow all of them end up a little angsty and I don't know what to do against that)

I feel like I should put a disclaimer here that I obviously don't know any of them personally and also - seeing that the topic is quite a difficult one - never went through the same kind of questioning and fearing, simply because of different cultural and social backgrounds than I think someone in their situation would have gone through. (Read: I didn't grow up in a catholic bavarian household in the 90s/early 2000s)

And again the biggest thanks to my wonderful beta-reader @skijumpingf1

Oberstdorf, January 2025

 

 

Deep breaths. Breathe in, stop thinking for a moment. One, two, three. Breathe out. How is Stephan-

 

Stop thinking, Andreas thought to himself. Stephan is doing fine, you know that, idiot. He told you this morning.

 

Andreas took another breath. Will Stephan watch this competition? Probably not, it'd start around midnight for him. Though Andreas could use some encouragement. He could use some love right now, when everything seems to fall apart around him.

 

Normally, Stephan would anchor him into the present, would calm him down and tell him that his worries are irrational. But Stephan's not here, not part of the world cup team. The last time that happened was because of their injuries. But now no one is injured and no one knows why Stephan is suddenly doing so bad. (Andreas knows why. The safe world they grew up in is ripping at the seams, a bubble about to burst. Stephan just doesn't want to talk about it in the way Andreas himself does, but it affects him as well)

 

They are supposed to be professional, Andreas should start and act that way.

 

But how could he when he still feels the same anxiety his 18-year old self did, all those years ago. When he still tears up in the same way he did, back when he first told his team, before the Olympics in Sochi.

 

He remembers how much he worried about his team mates' reaction, even about landing in a russian prison. Sometimes, the fear still haunts him. Sometimes like right now. Arguably, not the best moment, when he should be preparing for ski flying and definitely not professional behaviour.

 

Slow breaths, Andreas. Calm down. There is no need to spiral right now. And definitely no need to panic . No one will know, unless he actually tells the public, tells everyone that he isn't straight – that's what Stephan always says to him. People are oftentimes too focused on their reality, their truths, that those who disapprove of gay relationships won't see him as gay. See them as gay, as partners, boyfriends. They will be known as colleagues, team mates, friends. But not as lovers.

 

Andreas hopes there is some truth behind Stephan's words. He doesn't need more negative attention than he already gets.

 

Whether it's the usual „What was up with that jump?“ or the classic „You had such a good preparation in summer, how do you explain your current performance?“ it doesn't help his situation. Because he knows why. He knows why he can't focus, why he doesn't jump on the same level he used to. But he won't be able to tell the press why. They won't like hearing that he fears the future, fears his rights being taken away, fears the Worldcup taking place in more and more countries who hate people like him.

 

It makes him feel so helpless.

 

Which really isn't the best feeling to have right before bolting down one of the steepest hills known to mankind. But alas, here he is.

 

He fixes his glasses one more time and Stefan lowers the flag.

 

Maybe the whistling of the wind will finally silence his thoughts. It's worth a try.

 

The inrun is incredibly loud, he doesn't even hear the thousands of fans down the hill.

 

The edge is coming closer and closer. He jumps.

 

The wind is pushing him downwards, right into the awaiting arms of gravity.

 

His jump is garbage.

 

Worse than in the first round.

 

Andreas is glad, Stephan isn't watching this right now.

 

He lands and just shakes his head in disbelief. He doesn't even know what he’s gonna tell the media later.

 

Maybe Sevi will already wait for him. It's horrible. Sevi's time worrying about him should be long gone, his performance shouldn't be something Sevi has to continue to justify. But he will. He is simply too good of a friend to talk badly about him.

 

 

 

„Germany had big hopes that you, as the vice-world champion, would recover from your little slump of form here in Oberstdorf.” Andreas just nodded along the introduction of the question. He had hoped that as well. And then Stephan was taken out of the team, more or less permanently at that, and he knew that this hope was really just a dream. „Is there an explanation as to why team Germany is currently so bad?“

 

He grimaced. „Well, I know that for me personally, there are a few little details that I need to work on. My position in the inrun was too high up, so that I couldn't really feel the edge.“ Look at him, talking about mistakes in his technique instead of missing Stephan. Very professional.

 

(Judging by Sevi's sceptical glance, he can see right through it)

 

„But as you already said, that is such a little mistake! Does that alone really make the difference between landing on the podium and barely making the second round?“ That's a mean question. Andreas closed his eyes for a second, really more blinking than anything else. He needed to collect his thoughts or he'll say something stupid.

 

„That’s really the way it goes sometimes. Especially nowadays, those little details do make the difference between place 1 and 30.“ Severin, you are a blessing. Andreas should really tell him that more often. „Although it feels very extreme this season, there is almost no midfield.“ Andreas just nodded along.

 

„Absolutely, though I can't really pinpoint what changed to make it seem like that.“, he agreed with Sevi.

 

„Are you in any way affected by all the discussions around the material, like stuff aside from just the hill?“, Severin asked. Andreas should take back what he has thought earlier. That question is definitely targeting Stephan. Sevi knows. Why does he need to ask again?

 

„Well, sure, these discussions, those which aren't directly related to ski jumping itself, can be very exhausting and in the current case, upsetting and frustrating.“ Andreas tried to keep it as vague as possible. „However, I wouldn't go that far and accuse anybody of cheating. Everybody tries to gain some sort of advantage above the other nations, and in the current situation it seems to work better for the austrians than for everybody else." That's good, he’s very professionally avoiding Severin's actual question. He can see a grin spreading on Sevi's face. He outplayed him. Ha, loser. Andreas always likes interviews with Severin, they are great.

 

„But what about the Slovenians? Do you think they are cheating, since three of them got disqualified in this competition but still one of them won?“, the Journalist asked, effectively ending their silent conversation.

 

„I wouldn’t go that far and call it cheating.“ Andreas answered truthfully. „Everyone knows that the Slovenians are really good at ski flying and everyone knows that they're willing to risk a lot with the sizing of their suits. A Slovenian disqualification isn't a new phenomenon. We've got the controls, and I trust them, if they make it through. And I mean, we just saw that even a Stefan Kraft isn't infallible".

 

„As we can see there seems to be understanding for one another in the Ski Jumping Family", the reporter concluded, „Thank you for the interview, Andi Wellinger".

 

„Thank you", he responded.

 

Sevi was smiling in his direction, but that was just for the camera. He could see his question in his eyes. Andreas should get going.

 

He turned around to finally go away, as the woman next to him started shuffling in her notes. He already exited the booth when he heard Severin calling out his name. „Andi!“

 

He paused, „What?“. Andreas felt like he was shrinking. His whole posture collapsed. He felt like the boy again, who confessed his biggest secrets to Severin, simply because he needed support on the road.

 

Severin was smiling at him, eyes crinkling in concern. „We’re meeting up for dinner, right?“

 

Or, if Andreas may translate, 《I'm staying in the same hotel as you are, so come to me, and tell me what's going on. I'm worried about you》

 

„Yeah, sure. See you there.“ Andreas answered and turned around. He hoped Sevi got the hint that, maybe, he'll think about telling him. Not definitely agreeing, but also not declining. His answer is rather a plea for more time.

 

---

 

It was quiet when they ate dinner. Nobody really said a word, or asked a question which required more than a vague noise of agreement. Severin was clearly bothered by it, Andreas could tell. He has always been keen on talking everything out.

 

His phone beeped. Stephan? No, he should be sleeping.

 

It wasn't Stephan.

 

《How about we go for a drink in Willingen next week, you look like you need a hug》

 

Wanki !

 

《Shouldn't you be sleeping as well? But yeah, that sounds nice 》 Andreas answered.

 

《Shouldn’t you be celebrating podiums?》First of all, rude. But before Andreas could even be angry, he received another message. 《I'm too jetlagged, so no, I'm not sleeping. You wanna talk about it?》

 

《I'll tell you next week, please just tell me that Stephan's taking this better than I do. Also, I think Sevi will be disappointed if I don't talk to him tonight; and who am I to bear Severin's disappointment?》he let his friend know.

 

《That's good, please talk to someone! And I do think Stephan takes the decision way better than you do, so no worries here.》

 

《He doesn't want to take somebody else's place, right? He’s just too good for this world, tell him, I love him》

 

《Tell him yourself, he is your boyfriend, not mine》Meanie. 《Good night, try to get some sleep tonight》

 

《Says the right one, go to sleep. I don't want you to fall down the coaching tower :P》

 

 

„Andreas?“, his coach looked at him expectantly.

 

„What?“, he asked confused. „Sorry, I needed to respond to that.“ Using his phone while the others were eating (he should be too) was really impolite. Still, his coach's expression softened.

 

„Was it Stephan? Shouldn't he be asleep by now?“

 

„No, it was Wanki. But I'm not sure if that makes it any better“, Andreas shrugged.

 

His coach just shook his head in disbelief.

 

Andreas grinned and picked up his fork again.

 

 

 

„I'd like to ask you to finally tell me what's bothering you", Severin started as he sat down next to Andreas. „But you seem a little happier since you texted Wanki".

 

„I'm not, exactly. But I feel a little lighter just knowing that I will – eventually – talk about it.“ Andreas tried to shrug it off. „Though I promised him that I'd talk to you tonight.“

 

„Well, then, go ahead. I'm listening"

 

Andreas found that actually saying all the right words was harder than he wanted them to be. Deep breaths, Andreas, deep breaths. He had a lump in his throat just thinking about it.

 

„You remember the night I first came out to you all, right?“, he finally began. Severin just nodded, frowning a little in confusion. „I was so afraid back then, afraid of what you guys might think and afraid of what could happen if the wrong people hear about it, because, you know, it was forbidden during the Olympics in Sochi. I wasn't allowed to be myself, even if no one knew about who I truly was. I hated that I was gay, had been even way before that, and I hated that I couldn't fully concentrate on jumping because I could never change that part about me, so the fear of being discovered would always stay.“ He rambled.

 

He still feels so much like the boy he was that night, and that is his problem.

 

„I don't think I ever really coped with that fear, I've always been afraid of that part of myself, no matter how much good stuff happens.“ He let out a breath. And another one. And another one. He doesn't even know when he breathed in for the last time.

 

He heard his blood pumping through his veins, felt his hands shake, saw his vision blurring with tears. The lump in his throat made swallowing hard, he felt like vomiting.

 

Sevi's hand was on his shoulder, embracing him in a side hug. If Andreas forced himself to listen through the blood roaring in his ears, he could hear the soothing sound of Severin's voice.

 

„I hate it", he gasped.

 

„Shhh, it's alright", Severin tried to calm him down. „What do you hate?“

 

„I hate that-", he forced another breath into his lungs, „that I’m still the same, after all these years.“

 

„Yes, you are.“ Severin agreed with him. Not exactly what Andreas needed right now. „You are still one the most open-hearted, most loving people I know. That hasn't changed, you're right.“

 

„Thank you for the compliment", Andreas grinned through his tears. „But I hate that I still have the same fears and the same reactions to when one of them comes true – or even if it just might come true"

 

„What do you fear, then? What do you think will happen?”

 

„It's just with everything that happens right now-", Andreas tried to find the right words. „You know, I think we as a society really made some big steps forward in the last couple of years. And I became so optimistic about it and finally ripped the metaphorical bandaid over the fear of coming out, of my sexuality off. And you know, I became very happy, finally confessed my feelings for Stephan and so on. I finally felt like I was living in a safe world. But now that safety, the security, seems like it will be torn away from me again.“

 

„I don't think I can quite follow", Severin admitted. Andreas chuckled.

 

„Politics, Sevi. I'm talking about the shitshow that is our current politics "

 

„Oh", was all he could say to that. „Which-", he paused. „Which party do you fear most?“

 

„Are you really asking that? Shouldn't it be obvious?“ Normally Severin wasn't this dense. He knows, or he should know at the very least. „The Firewall is crumbling, and everything more to the right from that wants to ban same-sex marriage again.“

 

Andreas took a breath. He could feel the cold creeping into him, but the crisp air helped a little to calm him down. The stars sparkled above him. „I want to marry Stephan one day, Sevi"

 

„I know, and you should.“ Severin agreed. Andreas could feel he wanted to say more. „I wish I could tell you that I get it, that I understand what you are saying, but I don't want to presume that. I didn't experience what you did, both your fears and the joys. But I will tell you, that I'm always there if you need a shoulder to cry on. And that I’ll obviously try to stop your fears from becoming the reality, but in my mind, voting for democratic parties really is more common sense than anything else.“

 

„Thank you, Sevi.“ Andreas smiled sadly. „I appreciate it".