#I know some philosphers liked her a lot

[percabeth4life]

Do you think Isis also has a greek-roman counterpart like the Greek gods have their Roman counterparts, or she's just the same Isis for everyone?

Funny you should ask! Because Isis *is* her Greek name. There's several other names she was known by, Wosa/Wusa being one of them. Like many Egyptian Gods her mythos is *old*, even though she's one of the later appearing one. It's still got a solid 4k+ years of history, giving her a lot of "counterparts".

Isis has been previously equated and/or associated with a variety of Greek Gods as well. Demeter, Aphrodite, and even Io (a mortal) were all associated or equated with her. Additionally, Artemis (both associated with protecting women and fertility) and Tyche for the good fortune she brings. She had specific associations in Geco-Roman periods different from her Egyptian periods. In her Egyptian worship she had many different periods of worship, with it varying by the time period.

So yes I imagine that there is a Greco-Roman counterpart/aspect of her, certainly one that was worshiped distinctly. I imagine many can worship her under many of her Egyptian aspects separately as well if they so chose. Whether it all be one being? I'm afraid I'm not educated enough on her to give a solid idea of it. But I imagine so, just a bit extra.

[wellofdean]

how can a show be about hatred of women when there are no women in it who are important that aren't doomed by the narrative? now misogyny is for men? supernatural hates and kills women, and you want to claim that that the misogyny is towards the men? god forbid women do anything i guess.

You know what? Your unwillingness to own your opinion publicly and your tone notwithstanding, this is actually a good question, anon. You are referring to this post, I think.

Misogyny in its simplest definition is hatred of women. For me, though, that definition feels a bit too narrow and a bit too gender essentialist. As a rejector of gender essentialism, I would broaden that definition to say that misogyny is the hatred of that which is seen or understood as feminine, or all the things that appear to exist on that side of the binary -- man over woman, logic over intuition, rationality over emotionality, etc. The things on the feminine side are weak, irrational, soft, untrustworthy, dangerous.

I like philospher Kate Manne's take on it -- she calls misogyny the enforcement arm of the patriarchy in her excellent book Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny, arguing that misogyny (like racism) is not about personal feelings, it's “a social and political phenomenon with psychological, structural, and institutional manifestations”, and it's mission is to maintain the status quo of gender hierarchy. Misogyny operates as patriarchy's "police force" to enforce gender roles, punishing those (usually women) who deviate from them, and keep everyone (again, usually women) in their rightful places, and while obviously misogyny is directed at women, and this is the topic of Manne's book, I would argue that if women under patriarchy have a place to be kept in, so do men, whose deviation is, in some ways, even more threatening to the status quo.

I said in my post that the overt misogyny directed at women in Supernatural is cartoonish and ridiculous and feels too obviously stupid to be unintentionally placed there, and amounts to a depiction rather than a replication or approval of it. Meanwhille, Dean's masculinity is often just as cartoonish. He's practically play-acting Fonz Solo when he shows up at Sam's in his daddy's big leather jacket and muscle car. However, while Dean does performatively pose as the ultimate man's man and womanizer, leering at college girls and cheerleaders and even Sam's girlfriend, when he is actually called upon to interact with a woman who is not troped to the gills with hot girl stereotypes or posing for Sam's benefit, he is very consistently nothing but respectful and does no leering whatsoever.

Meanwhile, though Sam is too cool and urbane for the leering, he is lying to Jessica about his life and his family, which endangers her and gets her killed, while Dean, we learn soon enough, told Cassie everything the minute he thought he was in love with her. Dean play acts misogyny, but Sam is the one infantilizing his woman. And, even though Dean spends a lot of energy aggressively big upping his man-cred, the fact is that he is the intuitive, emotional one, and he plays an undeniably feminine role in his family. He's John's partner, Sam's mother. He's the one who wants to hold the family together for the sake of love.

All of this is in the FIRST SEASON. Watch it again. Think about the way Sam only agrees in the end of episode 1 to go with Dean after Jessica gets classically fridged, so Sam gets called to his hero's journey. Think about how Dean went to his brother, vulnerable, alone and afraid, needing help, and how, in the end, Sam's acceptance of their quest is not an acceptance of Dean at all. Think about how Sam is a direct mirror to John who has deserted Dean at the time the story begins. John wants Dean to submit himself to John's will, but he treats Dean with scorn, and respects Sam, who refuses to do so. Think about how trope-loaded Mary's white nightgown and Jessica's skimpy tomboy/girlish and self-consciously cute briefs and smurf crop-top are -- how what is being killed when they both die is symbolic mother/modern-twist on maiden (or whore?) femininity, which sends John and Sam on a revenge quest, and about how Dean DID NOT CHOOSE to be on that journey; he was DRAFTED.

The final episodes of the season make Dean's role explicit when he pleads with Sam and John for family, for love; tells them they are all he has, and Azazel, possessing John, praises Dean for being the one who keeps them together, who always looks out for their family, and think about what a knife to the heart it is that that's how Dean knows that John is possessed: his real father would never value those things about him. He'd think they were too soft, too feminine.

If you watch Supernatural from the beginning, keeping an eye out for every time Dean is feminized or someone (often SAM!!) drags him by impugning his masculinity (I think @ilarual is doing a tally of this? Or someone else?) it's really hard to unsee once you start noticing it: Dean is subjected to misogyny ALL THE TIME, and he subjects himself to it -- pushing down all his softer feelings until all he has is anger and fear -- it's the kind that tells him that he's isn't man enough.

Like, can you not see that a saying 'Supernatural kills female characters' ergo it is a misogynist story is just...too blunt an instrument? Supernatural kills women, and it also kills and tortures men. Is there misogyny in it? ABSOLUTELY. Misogyny is a deep vein running through absolutely everything in it, but most of that misogyny is THE REASON TO TELL THE STORY. The fact that it is a story ABOUT MEN is not misogynist in and of itself, particularly when it is so critical of what men become and and are forced into by hegemonic masculinity. For my money, Dean is intentionally and thoroughgoingly queered from the off! It is no accident. It would be difficult to do that as completely as they do without it being part of the actually DNA of the story.

WHICH IT IS.

And PS. the fact that you think none of the women in SPN are important is pretty misogynist of you.

[prince-liest]

Just realized how much sense Vox’s compulsion to constantly upgrade his body to stay up-to-date would make in the context of him being a former Hollywood starlet. Given that we know he died somewhere in his 30s and 40s, he probably would’ve been on the cusp of being pushed out of leading roles for “losing [his] looks” at the time of his death.

[holds this ask up to the sky like Simba atop the rock]

Precisely!!!!

Not to get pretentious about it, but: Simone De Beauvoir describes in her book The Second Sex the difference between the philosphical definition of subject (a thing which is capable of acting) and object (a thing which is acted upon), and in particular the way that the traits associated with subjects are assigned to masculinity and the traits associated with objects are assigned to femininity.

Her writing is considered by some to be the advent of second-wave feminism and she published in 1949, but the ideas she talked about echoed the state of women's rights and treatment for the past many decades and the time that Vox would have lived and died during. I think it makes so much sense, in a society that sees women more like objects than as subjects, that even after claiming subjectivity for himself in multiple ways, Vox would still have a deeply internalized view of certain aspects of himself (and, frankly, humanity as a whole - I don't think he sees a whole lot of people as subjects rather than objects) as something to be objectified. And it is so much easier to see an object as losing worth if it isn't newest, shiniest, most up-to-date version than it is a person.

[kakashihasibs]

Im so curious how you ended up in philosophy! Did you major in it? Ive only really studied it as a hobby but god if i could do college again i would study it in a heartbeat!! Whats some of yout favorite books and philosphers you resonate with?

I started off as a pre-med and bio major! I had college credits in biology already and a lot of experience and knowledge going into biology so my 1st semester i took all general education classes so i could get them done and out of the way!

One of the gen ed class was an introductory class on the western philosophical canon where were started with the Pre-socratics and ended the semester with contemporary philosophers.

Early in the semester we read the republic by Plato and we got to the divided line and i was like 'uh oh i dont think I'm very far along the line D:' (i.e., i was still somewhere in the cave lol).

Before that, zeno's paradoxes kinda blew my mind as well and i had been bugging my professor all semester during his office hours with questions. After the divided line i went to his office to talk about it and he was like, 'just so you know, you are going to end up switching ur major to philosophy.' and i was like i literally have the paperwork to switch my major in my bag right now lol. So i switched my major and that professor was my academic advisor 😌 and i went on to be a huge annoying pain in his ass for the next 5 years but i dont think he minded too much alsjdjdjsk

As for favorite books and philosophers i resonate with, i fall more into the analytic tradition so there's not much resonating. It's all very dry "it is [not] the case that" and "If we define P as [such] then Q blah blah blah"

But i agree with David Hume on a few epistemological things. I fall into the Virtue Ethics camp as opposed to Deontology (Kant) or Utilitarianism (Mill). I fucking love logic :3

I hate bioethics with a passion >:E

I have read French existentialism! So camus, sartre, and de beauvoir! I loved the hell out of Camus and de beauvoir.

Are Prisons Obsolete? By Angela Davis is a must read (<- download link to the free pdf)

Judith Jarvis Thomson's stuff on abortion is amazing and wonderful (may her memory be a blessing).

Philippa Foot is responsible for the trolley problem! But more importantly she is one of the philosophers responsible for contemporary virtue ethics!

I've recently started reading phenomenology so, The Life and Death of Latisha King: A Critical Phenomenology of Transphobia by Gayle Salamon is really good.

There's more but this is getting kinda long ^~^

Oh! I also have a masters in philosophy and politics! And I'm currently working on my writing sample to apply to PhD programs for philosophy. My areas of expertise are ethics (namely virtue ethics but I'm knowledgeable about ethics in general), and social policy (land rights/regulation, water rights, drug regulations)!

[arcane-ish]

Talking Ships: Silco/Jinx (Jilco)

Okay for the sake of this post, I’m just going to say Jilco to mean the storyline, the father/daughter-ly relationship and the ship, kind of all scrambled into one. 

A sidenote on shipping: Am I surprised that there is shipping-shipping? In addition to “just appreciate the storyline as a creepy storyline” and “like them unironically and find them sweet as a platonic storyline”? Not really, it’s the internet, there is Rule 34, there is the fact that tumblr loves their skinny pale murder boyfriends, there has always been at least some unironic Joker/Harley shipping (no matter how clear the creators have made it that he cares nothing for her, that it is an unambigious depiction of a standard abusive relationhip and that Harley is happier with Ivy), and I know endless depth lurk in the “Dead Dove Do Not Eat” tag on A03 (cough, Harry Potter early years). 

Joker/Harley type things, various “murder husbands” or Thornbirds in general have never been very high on my personal shipping lists when I look at my personal history, I just accept that it exists and move on. 

Other Sidenote. i genuinely wonder if Vander had stuck around for Act 2 whether we would have gotten a lot of Vander shipping with various people, whether it’s Silco because imagined backstory (we know they were only metaphorical brothers, not literal brothers as per Jinx’s dialogue) or various top side characters he hadn’t interacted with in Act 1. 

Anyway, I’ve talked quite a bit already on why I think their relationship so subtly disturbing feeling and also why I think those same characteristics might make the relationship feel really confusing so some people (TLDR: Silco and Jinx lack boundaries, whether physical, professional or emotional) and I have speculated what might in character/in universe drive these characters to accept this relationship and stay in it (for example, my head canon/theory is that Jinx felt like Vander preferred Vi)

Meta on: 

On Vander’s parenting style versus Siclo’s parenting style

Reasons why people might mistake it for a good parental relationship

Helplessness/wanting to be useful

In my other ship talks I talked a bit about what I perceive to be the writing flaws in the storylines. With Jilco, I feel like the storyline benefits the most from a lot of vagueness. Like, it’s really hard to say that Silco’s actions are out of character or rushed when we don’t really know him well enough to 100% know is intentions. 

So most criticisms to me move rather quickly into the philosphical realm. Should you portray a weird and skeepy relationship like this? Is Jinx/Powder a sensitive or insensitive portrayal of mental illness? If it really cheap to once again take the character who is arguing for social chance and revolution and cast him as the skeevy guy? 

On a pure story POV, I guess my criticism would be that it feels a bit odd Act 1 it felt like things in the city were at a boiling point, like Silco wanted to strike right then and there, like if nobody turned themselves in, everything would explode. Except Vander gets killed/disappears, Vi does not get put in jail for the robbery, now do Mylo and Clagger on account of being dead and yet we jump 4-6 years into the future and it seems like no major clash happened. And Silco who seemed so eager in Act 1 is still in “slowly building up my strength and army” mode. I guess maybe we are supposed to take it that meeting Jinx and taking her in convinced him to take it a bit slower? Anyway, I thougth that that was a bit of a shift in focus. 

And then there is Marcus abduction of Vi, just at the same moment which I felt was underexplained and just like really a bit too convenient. 

Let’s Talk Silco

I think the core thing about him is that he sees himself in or projects himself into Jinx, that he tries to make his trauma hers. He has said some intersting things, like how he originally thought Vi was the more valuable daughter, but he came to see Jinx’s potential (again interesting parallel to Mel seeing potential in Jayce). I lean towards thinking that he is truthful about this, that he came to be really impressed with Jinx, whether it is her violence or her tech knowledge. 

We know some factor is him seeing himself in her, Vander’s “betrayal” of him, versus Powder’s falling out with Vi. I wonder whether he saw potential in this too, he knows how deep his rage over that betrayal goes, so he thinks or hopes that with Jinx he feel forge somebody who knows the same hate and will hence fight just as fierecely against the topside. Or whether his “abandonment” has made him feel lonely and bonding with Jinx will fix that lonliness? 

Another element I wondered about is whether there might also be some element of jealousy or revenge in regards to wander, that he is taking Vander’s daughter and doing a better job than Vander. 

I talked about how Silco’s lack of boundaries with Jinx might seem nice or cool, but how they aren’t actually good parenting. But to me the core conflict of the Jilco relationship is clearly Vi. Whether Silco had something to do with it or not, he swooped in when Vi was not available and he is now trying to keep them apart. 

Maybe there are Silco fans who have the stance that Vi is a jerk who hurt Powder so it’s a good thing that Silco is trying to keep them apart. But I just don’t think that that is the aim of the story. I think the story is that Vi loves Jinx and Jinx at the very least has powerful comlicated feelings about Vi (I would say she still loves Vi just as much and misses her, but admittedly there is that scene where she shoots the girl who looks like Vi in the back in the beginning of episode 4). 

Bascially, my stance on it is, if Powder loves Vi, then Silco’s love for Powder is not credible if he is trying to screw with that relationship and working to keep them apart. At the worst this shows that he is possessive and does not care about Powder’s feelings, in the most charitable interpretation it means that he can’t see past his own hangups with Vander to realize that maybe Vi deserves to have a relationship with Powder. 

Like the “nice guy” option would be that even if he dislikes Vi and is skeptical about her to let the sisters talk it out under supervision. You know give them the chance to fix their relationship in a way that hom and Vander were not able to. And of course have his parental love for Powder be tested via his willingness to give her up, should she want that. 

Of course that is not where the story is going, and in the end a likely factor is also his plans for the topside, that by now Jinx is important to those plans and that Vi coming back is just messing up his timetable. 

Another thing that has been thrown around is that Silco is letting Jinx’s mental health symptoms run wild and encourages her bad behavior. To which I yes, as in that is a factor in why they are an unhealthy relationship, but morally that’s where I’m giving him some minor leeway, because it’s unknown to what extent he understands that, either because the whole topic of mental health isn’t really developed in their fantasy universe, or because he has his own issues, or simply because his world view is so different and at the very least it’s consistent with his world view.  

Let’s Talk Jinx

One scene that is really fascinating to me is the scene that birthed them. Powder launching herself at Silco and hugging them. Was it because she was that heart broken she was looking at anything? Did she mean to attack him and just in the middle of it lost her strength because of said heartbreak? Maybe as he was coming at her with a knife, surrounded by his goons, with Vi having abandoned her and not being there to defend her, maybe in a way her hug was her last line of self defense. She knows she can’t beat them phyiscally, so the last weapon her her arsenal is trying to use her cuteness?

Especially since we see her later of being capable of using her hugs as a way to manipulate people (when she hugs the bartender so she can place an explosive prank on his back).  (there is this really lowkey disturbing line in Legends of Runeterra where Jinx gives advice to a street urchin in the street and says (as a way of giving advice on how to beg more successfully)  "Stick your lip out and give 'em puppy eyes! Trust me.")

I’m generally wondering how exactly Jinx feels about Silco. I have theorized that she likes him because she felt Vander loved Vi more than her and now Silco loves her more than anybody else around. 

I also think she is lonely and she seeks him out because he is the only one who gives her the time o’ day. 

As I talked in some of the metas, he gives her a lot of responsibility (like injecting him), asks a lot of her (I need yout to finish the hex tech etc), which binds her to him and probably makes her feel indebted and responsible. 

At the same time, I think Jinx also keeps part of her to herself. She has her lair with images of her past. We see Silco oversharing with Jinx and see her accepting it, but we don’t really see her sharing much on her side and him listening to and taking it in, beyond the outburst that brougth them together (of course Silco has an interest in talking down her connection with Vi and Vander, but even outside of that, do you think she ever talked him about Mylo and Clagger?). We have that scene in the water where she makes fun of him telling her the Vander story again rather than I don’t know, tearing up because she empathizes so much with him. (also see my comments about Jayce and Mel and how Jayce doesn’t really get emotional with empathy when Mel shares stuff with him about her family situation). 

So basically I think Silco is projected himself full force into Jinx, but it’s not completely the same way on her side. 

Overall

You know, my questions

1.) Do I think that they do/did they fuck?

2.) Do I think that they could be happy together?

Are actually kind of interesting here. Like with 1... I look at their scenes that I like to think that that’s not what they are indicating, even as they do indicate that they have an inappropriate level of closeness. And then there is the other part of my brain that says, okay, if we were being realistic here, if we just remotely applied real world standards: Jinx is a neurodivergent orphan minor who spends her time seemingly exclusively highly criminal and potentially at least slightly drug addicted adults. 

It feels almost like a numbers game that Jinx likely was molested at some point. And if it wasn’t Silco, chances is that it would have been one of this goons (again the optimistic mind wants to pretend that even if something like that happened, well Jinx is a murder girl and would have fought back and even if she didn’t Silco would have gone after them/would never have let that happen/it wouldn’t happen because everybody is afraid either of her or of Silco... but there is a part of my brain that says that that is probably too optimistic). 

Not question 2 is even more fascinating to me. First let me say that my answer to this is a firm no. To me the story of Silco and Jinx strikes me as the kind that is heading for Silco to die, likely in a way that might have a strong effect on Jinx, whether she kills himself or has to watch him die. But like with Jayce and Mel, let’s talk hypotheticals here. In a perfect world, whether everything goes well, there are no obstacles, could they have a last happy relationship? 

This makes me mull what exactly a perfect world would look like. So what, Silco defeats the topside, becomes king of the city and installs Jinx in a palace as his perfect 100% free roaming princess daughter who can do anything she wants and never get in trouble? Would a happy ending for Silco be to achieve his goals, die in peace and hand his empire over to Jinx, so she can rule the city? Would it be his happy ending to die for her, in her arms as he assures her and she weeps over him? 

They just lead such violent lives, I just have a hard time picturing that their story wouldn’t end in violence. Also their co-dependency seems to be kind of centered around struggle, or to be precise, Silco’s struggle versus the top side. It seems kind of questionable whether that struggle can ever be successful and even if it was, I expect that Jinx would be the kind of to run off and have adventures. 

Which brings me to... Jinx. I have to say I struggle in general picturing what a happy end would look like for her. Like even if I completely throw out Silco and try to imagine her with various other League characters where you don’t have age difference or you don’t have the traumatic past, whether it’s fellow chaotic murder fans like her or loving idealists, I generally have a hard time picturing Jinx in anything more than having temporary nice romantic adventures (I will get back on that when I talk Jinx x Ekko). 

Anyway, getting back to Jilco, let’s say Silco’s struggle gets resolved somehow, Jinx goes on adventures across the continent, an older, more grown up Jinx who had a chance to have her own experiences comes back and meets up with Silco again. Maybe he is in jail, maybe he is running the city, maybe he is still in his mob boss lair, maybe he has a little farm in the countryside somewhere, what would this older Jinx and him even talk about? 

As I said in her section, to me I feel some hesitancy on Jinx’s side, like she doesn’t really see things 100% the way he does, but she stays because there is enough overlap, for now, I’m not sure I 100% buy her ever overcoming that. There is also the factor that even though I think Silco sees a lot of himself in her, he isn’t hyper or manic like her. He isn’t the guy who like jumps on a hoverboard and high fives her as they throw bombs together. 

In short, even when ignoring all #problematic aspects, I just can’t picture it. 

Final Grade: ??? B? (because it’s an interesting relationship to talk about? And it probably achieves what it sets out to do in being creepy and surprising? Or D because it’s not really shippy to me personally? Like I find it intriguing but I don’t get the fuzzy “awww, cute murder dad!” feels personally) 

Disclaimer: these are my feelings as of the end of Act 2 of Arcane, my rating might go up or down drastically based on what happens in Act 3.

[chonideno]

Hi Choni! I was reading a mha fanfiction and you popped in my mind. I used to read your stories and enjoyed following you on twt. I was just wondering how you were doing and how leaving fandom-life had gone? It seems like a big thing to let go off (in my eyes), so i was honestly curious of your experience. If that makes sense. Sending you lots of good vibes <3

addressing those two together because they're similar - thanks for checking in! I'm doing good, actually I'm doing better than I have in a while (and I was already doing good before so life's been good).

I'm not avoiding fandom per se, I still follow the fandom-focused accounts and friends I used to, but I spend a lot less time online in general and honestly? best thing. being more grounded and spending more of my time and energy on my direct environment, taking care of existing relationships and building new ones, and just... not escaping to twitter 10 times a day, not being exposed to things that are horrible/overwhelming/way too intimate holy shit why do I get to see that/completely irrelevant to my circumstances and my life in general, well!! that's worked out great for me so far!!! 100% recommend it!! who would have guessed the brain works better when experiences are physical and sensory and within its control!!!

I am still very fond of the fandoms I was in/I've been in, and of course I still love my friends and mutuals. I still read the manga, I still get into new shows etc, it's just not nearly as big a part of my life anymore. I needed that.

so what have I been doing? well I'm still rollerskating and I'm still so goddamn bad at it, somehow I can't get these legs to work. I'm probably going to start rowing sometimes this month, I did some over the summer and it was so much fun. I'm trying to enroll in a year-long class to become a certified beekeeper, we'll see at the end of this month if it works out. I got involved in a local association working to support local farmers conscious of environmental and social challenges, pay them what they deserve for their work, and bring their produce to the city. now I'm trying to figure out if I have time in the week to get into french boxing as well.

I still have a full time job, but outside of that I've been to more museums, and on nice dates, and to an awful weekend-long rave party in a field right in the middle of nowhere. I'm designing and will soon be knitting a cardigan for my mom (it'll be her christmas present). I also started reading the Petit Traité des Grandes Vertus by Comte-Sponville on a friend's recommendation - a philospher's essay on the inherent moral good found in people.

So I'm good! I'm really good. In a way I didn't know I could be. I'm almost 28 and my own brain still surprises me

[slutforwings]

books i read in july and what i thot of them because im in a silly goofy mood and want to make a post like this

the song of achilles - madeline miller (historical fiction)

retelling of the myth of achilles, from patroclus' (his normal dudebro absolutely no romance there - some historians) perspective. some banger lines balanced out by godawful ones (once you start counting how many times feet are mentioned you never really stop + skin is once described as 'the color of freshly pressed olives' which is just green). the story is, yknow, beautiful and aching. i did really enjoy it, worth the read!

this is going to hurt - adam kay (non-fiction)

diaries of a junior doctor (who no longer practices medicine), with funny as well as heartbreaking anecdotes on life as a doctor. fucking hilarious at times, then you turn the page and you read the saddest thing. i absolutely devoured this book, its a really cool insight into the medical world! 10/10 have already decided m gonna reread

a short history of nearly everything - bill bryson (non-fiction)

what the title says! its basically an 'introduction' to all of science (air quotes bc its like 500 pages) written in a way that makes it both easy and fun to read as someone who studies literature and hasnt had a science course in 4 years. imo best read along with a pencil so you can underline and comment etc. wonderful book, learned a lot and had a great time

opposite of always - justin a. reynolds (romance, YA, coming of age idk)

high school senior gets together with the girl of his dreams. and then she dies. but no fear! its groundhog day week months and he wakes up right when he met her again. can he save her? while this book is sweet and well written and lovely message and all that.... it made me realise 'ah. im officially too old to relate to high schoolers'. so there's that.

haven't they grown - sophie hannah (mystery)

the protagonist parks in front of the house of her old childhood best friend who she hasnt seen in 12 years. just having a looksee. oh there she is, getting out of the car with her kids! hold the fuck up. those kids look exactly the same age as 12 years ago... a book with layers upon layers of lies and mystery, i recommend saving it for a time that you have the entire day to read, you just wanna know So bad. the protagonist's daughter (and her husband to some degree) help her to figure it out and it's neat :)

wendy, darling - a.c. wise (fantasy)

what if peter pan and neverland wasnt really the dream it seemed? what if wendy got institutionalised for still believing in it? what if, years later, she has a daughter. and what if, one night, peter pan comes for her daughter. a really cool reimagining, really goes hard on the 'peter is a kid forever and ever and has insane powers to shape neverland so maybe thats not a good idea!' i really loved it, its a great book about growing up even though you dont want to etc. also incredibly expressive writing, i could picture perfectly what was being described. quite eerie a lot of the time but im a fan of that

the dreamers - karen thompson walker (sci-fi?)

there's a girl at a college that won't wake up anymore. she's just peacefully sleeping but nothing can rouse her. after a few days, she passes away. weird but alright! ah shit it was contagious and now the whole town is falling asleep. they all seem to be dreaming so vividly though, what could it be about? odd writing style, but in a good way. something else yknow. really eerie vibes, but unmatched by the way your skin crawls when you check the date it was published and it was before the pandemic. uncomfortable similarities! its about the way a community might come together (or not) in crisis times and also about the differences between waking and dreams. fun!

the midnight library - matt haig (philosphical fiction)

it starts with nora taking an overdose. except she wakes up in the midnight library, a place between life and death. there she can try other routes her life could have taken if she'd done things differently. a really nice book about depression and finding the will to live again by looking at yourself with a new perspective. although i loved one of his other books (how to stop time) more, this was also a very good read

[epicspheal]

Hi again! Just wanted to know your opinion on the Pokemon villains, especially towards a chance of redemption. I think the only villains that kinda got redeemed was Archie and Maxie, learning that what they did was a mistake ( a little too late tho) and maybe Colress ( being the true neutral he is), through the Alola games. But yeah, what's you're opinion on them?

Hi Ihopethisendswell!

I’ve been sitting on this ask for a bit just trying to gather my thoughts. To be honest, the Pokemon Villains are some of my least favorite aspects of the games, mainly because in my opinion they’re rarely handled well (except for original Team Plasma and Team Skull, those guys are amazing and I except no slander of either)

I’ll start with Team Rocket. They have a very basic but realistic evil goal (especially in a setting as fantastic as the world of Pokemon). I honestly can’t say I dislike them. I would like to see more teams using their concept of just taking advantage of Pokemon for profit and selfish reasons rather than trying to tie in some philosophy (because to be honest in my opinion most of the teams who try to use philosophy to justify their extremism just end up looking really stupid for the most part). I like Kanto Team Rocket better than Johto’s plot and Rainbow Rocket was only good for the “what if” aspect and adding to the new multiverse lore. As far as redemption...I don’t think Giovanni or the grunts really deserve it.

For Team Aqua and Team Magma, I actually like them in a “so bad it’s good” type of way (definitely nostalgia based as even though I got into Pokemon during the original anime, I didn’t get to play a main game until  gen 3). Like the idea of having two separate evil teams competing against each other to see who can enact their plans first is a super cool concept in my opinion but wasted on the idiocy of the “expand the land/expand the sea” goals. I will say I enjoyed their Emerald enhanced plot and ORAS’s expansion on them in the Delta Episode. I think the Emerald clash of Kyogre and Groudon was the most logical conclusion to their schemes. As far as redemption goes, I do think Maxie and Archie should’ve served some jail time like Chairman Rose because their plan was just as catastrophic if not more so.

For Team Galactic, ugh. They’re my second least favorite. They were just boring and made an already painfully slow game even more intolerable. This is where I give the Pokemon Anime credit, they made them more interesting in the games and I actually really loved how it was adapted (proof that when they want to the anime can have some really solid writing). Redemption for them? Nope, you literally tried to rewrite the world. Even with Cyrus’ tragic backstory...still nope.

Now for Team Plasma. This is how you do an evil team. Easily one of my favorite teams to actually go up against in game. I like that they actually tried to tackle an ethical question with Pokemon in Team Plasma.  N was a fantastic antagonist and I’m glad he saw the light at the end and he definitely deserves the redemption. And all of the Team Plasma grunts who actually believed in N’s goal deserve redemption. I really enjoyed what they did in BW2 where they had the Plasma House with the misguided former grunts and the confrontation between the old team plasma and Neo Team Plasma about how ostracized the reformed grunts are. Although I don’t like Neo Team Plasma as much (although the outfits are 100 times cooler), it does make sense that the ones still loyal to Ghetsis would try for another attempt. Also it took me a second runthrough of White 2 to really appreciate Colress and his “this is for science” mantra but you know what, I love him. Him and N are really awesome and deserve the redemption. Ghetsis can go jump in a fucking volcano though, him and his followers (:  As for Team Flare, they suffer a lot from not getting a sequel or third version. But like Team Galactic the anime adaptation did a lot of good for them. Team Flare is like Team Aqua/Magma for me in that I think they’re so bad it’s actually good. They actually had some funny dialogue bits and there was actually a lot of potential for them storywise if we had of gotten another Kalos game. The Great War, and AZ all had a lot of potential. Plus having an Elite 4 member working with them? That was more of a twist than Lysandre being the boss. And the Xerosic post-game plot was heartbreaking. Redemption wise though, it’s kind of hard to do with a group who literally tried to nuke the world. 

Team Skull. I love these guys. I love them so much. This is another example for me personally of an evil team done right. I really liked how they weren’t even evil, just frustrated youth who were failed by Alola’s tradition. Like I could seriously go on about how toxic the Alolan community really is if the fact that a child failing the island challenge (a coming of age journey) somehow makes them feel so down about themselves and feel like rejects to the point they join a literal gang to find some sort of belonging (this is of course not talking about the origins of Team Skull being from a disgraced Kahuna who incurred the wrath of the tapus). Like I feel so sorry for them and I wanted to yell at the Kahunas in game for them not recognizing that their traditions were creating the Team Skull problem. Team Skull definitely deserved their redemption as they reformed in the post game

Aether Foundation though, ugh. Easily my least favorite. I really disliked the Aether Family as a whole as I felt they were invasive to the plot and that the focus should’ve been on team skull and how traditions while important can have harmful consequences. I will say it was nice to have female antagonist and I vastly prefer SM Lusamine to USUM Lusamine. USUM Lusamine was more redeemable but she was less interesting and USUM really screws up Lillie’s development which I dislike (which is saying something because I really can’t stand Lillie). 

Team Yell was a disappointment. Honestly there was so much potential because like Team Skull they are a very grounded team (as you can see, I like the grounded in reality teams more so than the philosphical extremist ones). Like I can totally understand why they would form considering how dilapidated Spikemuth is. The issue is that they aren’t given a chance to do much actual evil. Even though Team Skull wasn’t really all that bad, they still did bad things. Which is realistic given their desperation. As desperate as Team Yell was to get Marnie to become champion I was expecting more sabotage and outright hostility. Which while being bad, would be realistic given their situation. That and the fact that no one really calls out the fact the irony of their sabotage actually delegitimizing Marnie’s strengths as a trainer. Like is Marnie truly one of the strongest trainers from the gym challenge or were their people who could’ve beat her who got targeted by Team Yell and ultimately dropped out? Not to mention the implications of ongoing beef between Team Yell and Chairman Rose. Again so much potential wasted. If they had of just made them just a tad more hostile and had someone point out how they were unintentionally making Marnie look bad, they’d easily be one of my favorites.

Macros Cosmos. I think this was the team most screwed over by the plot, and the controversial anime adaptation did them only a few favors. I’ve said this before, but the royal twins historical manipulation plot was more interesting than Rose’s “I’m going to start the Galarian Apocalypse to save Galar” plot. And the sad part is Rose could’ve been a very compelling antagonist. I’ll say that if they really wanted to make Rose an antagonist, they could’ve taken away the Eternatus plot and just used his poor communication skills to cause problems for the gym leaders and champion. A bad boss with impatience and crappy communication skills is something many people can relate to, and I think would’ve been a more interesting plot than trying to force philosophical extremism on to him because.

And lastly the Royal Twins. Man I hated them, but also they’re some of my favorite antagonists. I think people at times look solely at their goofy hairstyles and entitledness and forget how dangerous these two actually were. They had a whole network of spies loyal to them? Imagine a game with them as the main protagonists where it gets to the point you can’t trust the NPCs because who knows which one supports them. Also their historical revision plot is something so relevant today with textbooks being written in a way to minimize horrible atrocities such as the trans-Atlantic slave trade. Granted their plot in game left a lot to be desired, but they had so much potential and honestly a better reasoning to want to awake Eternatus than Rose did. As you can see I prefer the more grounded teams such as Rocket, Plasma, Skull and Yell (in theory) and the Royal Twins given how their goals relate to the real world. I also think in many ways Gamefreak does better with those plots wiriting wise than the philosophical extremist teams. 

[quanxui]

andro!!! do you have any favorite mangakas?

hi kaia! i have lots!! i really enjoy reading manga and reflecting over my feelings with it hehe also, warning! i've rambled here so it's long hahah!

the first on my list would be ONE, the creator of one punch man and mob psycho 100! some don't like his art but i like it! i'm currently reading the ones he's drawn. it mixes well with his wholesome-ish writing! i'm obsessed with his stories, the way he can turn something so shounen/fantasy/adventure into a slice of life that makes me feel like i've healed or learned a really good lesson (shounen/seinen)

Tatsuki Fujimoto comes in second! he's known more as chainsaw man's mangaka but i've read almost all his oneshots and his other series, fire punch. i don't know how to explain this but his works can be quite vulgar/indecent (so um beware!) but it doesn't give off those ecchi vibes you know? they just feel normal and aside from his fascinating storytelling, i love that about his works! one of my favorite oneshots of his is about two sisters in an art school and the younger one had painted a nude of the older sister, and as a rule of the school, they would display the best painting for a month i think. and i thought id find it repulsive (you see i even try to read things i think i might hate haha) but it was somehow sweet? (shounen/seinen)

i find Jun Mayuzuki's after the rain and kowloon generic romance's very impressive too!! especially the way she wrote after the rain, a story about a 17 year old girl who's in love with the manager from her part time job, a 40 something divorced man. i dont want to spoil anything so all i can say is i really recommend reading it! i've watched the live-action, and am about to watch the anime. jun mayuzuki's art style is something to praise too!! i'm no good with art critiquing but i love her backgrounds so much! also, her kowloon generic romance gave me wong kar wai vibes!!! everytime i read a new chapter, an 80s citypop song would play in my head, too! (shoujo/josei)

next is Robico!!!! her popular work would be my little monster! but i haven't read that ^^ instead i've read an anthology by her and our precious conversations. i love love love her art style and her writing!! but what i love the most are the dialogues! they're not philosphical or anything supreme, but they're just normal conversations. i guess it must be because i miss going out and having actual face to face conversations with people that's why i've fallen for her dialogues. oh and i’m at awe with her oneshot collab with the mangaka for death note!! (shoujo) 

Tsubasa Yamaguchi is blue period's mangaka. i really enjoyed blue period because i was reading it while i was stressing over what i wanted to do after i graduated highschool. i never realized i've run out of time and i had to make a decision already, see? and reading blue period really comforted and calmed me! since tsubasa yamaguchi has also written the manga, i really really feel thankful for her writing! i love her art too! i've said this a lot of times too, probably, but i really love the shadows in her art! (seinen)

Kyoko Okazaki! myanimelist calls her one of the mothers of josei manga! her art style's attractive to me too! but what's more attractive are her characters!! her works contain fashion, homosexuality, drugs, sex (an awful lot, here’s an article i recently read about her). idk, i love the way she can write and draw these kinds of stories during the 80s. she rocks! (shoujo/josei)

there we have it, my top 5! recently though, i've been admiring the art in skip to loafer by Misaki Takamatsu! i like the expressions and the neat lines! i also like Kon Kumakura's female characters and art style, but you'll barely find translated versions of her works. and Akimi Yoshida, creator of banana fish! i've read a few 80s to 90s manga and sometimes their art style is a bit too messy and crowded for me but i love love hers! it's neat! i haven't read banana fish tho, i've read kisshou tennyo!

thanks for sending me an ask that let me ramble this long >.< enjoy!

[reidology]

He Was A Skater Boy... (Chapter 2) (Hotch/Reid)

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner / Spencer Reid 

Summary: Spencer and Aaron finally meet and they make a deal. Oh how the cherry blossoms.

Words: 1,575

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8

Chapter 2: Something Wicked This Way Comes...

It was safe to say that reading at the skatepark was now part of Spencer’s routine. Most evenings he would get to the park and read his assigned philosophy readings on top of the halfpipe, then move on to his own books. When it became too dark, he would stop reading and watch the magnificent sunset. It never got old. Here he felt relaxed. Finally, Spencer had found a safe space other than his therapist’s office. Indeed, this place belonged only to him.

That was until one evening, when his new-found comfortable routine was wonderfully disrupted by the hottest guy he’d ever seen.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spencer’s nose was floating around the depths of a wondrous world of murder and mystery fabricated by Sir Arthur Conan-Doyle when it happened. The sun was setting, casting strange shadows around the park, he hadn’t noticed a particular large silhouette rolling his way. Not until he heard the sound of wheels barreling toward his serene perch did he look up, and oh he wished he hadn’t , because when he looked up he came face to face with none other than the guy-with-no-shoes from days earlier.

He stood on top of the opposite halfpipe, jumped down on his board and came towards Spencer. But when he got to him he didn’t stop, simply rolled back to the other side and did quite an impressive turn-flip-trick where he spun and brought the board to his hand. Is he trying to impress me? Because it’s working, thought Spencer. The dude landed with a flourish right next to him. Spencer looked up half in shock and half in awe (because that was pretty hot). He couldn’t stop looking at his face, it was so angular and gorgeous and the light framed his face perfectly, his dark hair falling into his eyes. The definition of tall, brooding, and handsome. He died a little when the guy nodded down at him and spoke, “Sup, do you like ice cream?”

His voice was so deep . That and the fact that he was towering over him was too much for his little genius brain compute. Quantum theory he could handle, helplessly attractive men brought his IQ down into the negatives.

And how could anyone expect him to be coherent when the guy looked like that , and not just his face but… everything, from the slope of his shoulders, to the curves of his triceps, to the way his lean frame dipped into very delicious-looking calves, and finally those infamous socked feet, still shoeless.  It was when Spencer had been eyeing this handsome stranger’s feet for a good ten seconds that he realized he’d been asked a question.

“Uhmm.. pardon?” Casual. Polite. Was he in this guy’s way or something?

The man chuckled sickly sweet and gave a devilish smirk, “I asked if you like ice cream?” And he lifted his hand, wherein he held a cone of what seemed to be chocolate ice cream. How had Spencer not noticed that unfairly-hot-guy-with-no-shoes was holding ice cream? Did he skate up here with that? Did he do those tricks without dropping the cone?

Either way, Spencer did not know how to respond. He was feeling very confused, amongst other things...

“Uhh… I- sure…?”

The guy grinned and sat down next to Spencer, skateboard on his lap, and handed him the cone. Spencer hesitantly reached and took it, eyeing it suspiciously.

“Hi, I’m Aaron. I’ve been watching you”,

“Oh?” Spencer immediately blushes at the thought of this stupidly attractive man, Aaron , taking notice of him. And even though Aaron had already shown the classic signs of a Dangerous Situation™ (giving him ice cream and watching him), Spencer couldn’t help but be absolutely smitten.  

“Yeah, you’re always reading,” he nodded at the open book in Spencer’s lap, “what are you doing here?”

What was he doing here? “I- uhmm..” What was he supposed to say? Fuck it , “My therapist wants me to get out of the house and find a hobby.”  Way to sound normal, you really hyped yourself up there, idiot.

“So you chose skateboarding?”

“What? No…I’m just studying here instead of at home. And when I finish my work I read my own books.”  

Spencer could feel Aaron’s intense gaze boring into his face, he was beginning to notice that Aaron’s natural expression was a perfect dark, (sexy) , serious pout.

Aaron broke his attention from Spencer’s face and glanced beyond the boy’s lap to the satchel overflowing with books, “... you read all of those in one day?”

“Uh… actually I read all of those in an hour.”

Aaron blinked a few times.

“Really? You must be… I mean, how do you do that?”

He was sure he was going to say ‘you must be a loser’ but he tried not to think about that. So far, Aaron had been nice to him.

“Um, I don’t know. I have an eidetic memory and read a lot as a child, so I guess my baby brain just learned to process words quicker than others.”

“How quickly?”

“20,000 words per minute.”

Aaron raised his eyebrows in interest, still giving that smoldering stare. He was so very intrigued by this strange, skinny, adorable kid. From the moment he saw him hunched over, reading, engulfed in his own world, Aaron had been fascinated.  And when their eyes met that fateful evening, all he could think of was I need to know him .

“So what are you studying for?”

“Right now I’m going for a BA in Philosophy.”

“Oh? I wouldn’t have pegged you as the philosphe type , smart guy like you ought to be a scientist or something,” Aaron chuckled.

That laugh would be the death of him. It was so deep and sultry, Spencer felt like burying himself in it.

Sheepishly, Spencer corrected him, “Actually, I have two PhDs in Mathematics and Chemistry. I wanted to begin an engineering PhD this summer but my mother got sick and I had to take care of her, so I figured a Bachelor’s in Philosophy wouldn’t take up too much of my time.”

Aaron gawked at him and made no attempt to hide it.

“How old are you?”

“Nineteen.”

“Damn. Well, here we are, a 19 year old genius and 21 year old law school burnout. Funny we’d end up in the same place at the same time.’’

The pink-orange-purple of the sky seemed to give Spencer a boost of confidence,

“Weren’t you stalking me? That’s not much of a coincidence,” he teased.

“I wasn’t stalking you, I said I was watching you. There’s a difference.”

“What’s the difference?”

“I came to say hi.” Aarons eyes glistened.

Spencer couldn’t help the tinge of pink on his cheeks and the small smile he gave. Aaron came to say hi. For a while they sat in silence, both considering what to say next. The older man opened his mouth to say something but Spencer took charge.

“You’re a law student? Do you go to Georgetown?”

Aaron nodded, “First year at Georgetown, did pre-law at Columbia.”

“Wow, those are good schools! I’m surprised you’re failing!”

“Yeah, Georgetown’s a lot more than I was expecting. Nothing you couldn’t handle I’m sure, Mr. Philosophy-Bachelor’s-For-Fun.”

Spencer laughed a genuine laugh, he didn’t answer though, because Aaron was right, he’d totally crush it in law school.

“You go to Georgetown, too? How come I haven’t seen you around campus? The Law Center isn’t that far from the Philosophy Department.”

“Well I don’t live on campus, I’m with my mom. And most of my classes are early morning, my therapist said that would be a good way of starting the day but really all it did for me was give me an unhealthy coffee dependency.”

Aaron actually laughed brightly at that.

“So, you’re going to tell your therapist you took up skateboarding when in reality you’ve just been reading in a skatepark?”

Spencer nodded bashfully.

“What are you going to do when she asks to see it?”

“I… I don’t know…”

“Well, it seems we’re both in a bit of a predicament, huh? What do you say we help each other out?”

“How do you mean?”

Aaron smirked that same wicked smirk from the first night they saw each other leaned in, “I’ll teach you to skateboard… if…”, he bit his lip and looked into the younger boy’s eyes, “you help me pass Midterms.”

Spencer couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Aaron leaned in impossibly closer and asked, “What’s your name?”

“Spencer.”

“Spencer,” He said deliciously, “do we have a deal?”

Aaron’s gaze was so intense but he couldn’t look away. His eyes were a deep, rich, coffee color with glistening flecks of green and they did not falter. This close, Spencer could see the few light scattered freckles feathering his nose and cheeks. And he was still biting his lip, Spencer stared and didn’t care. The breathtaking man in front of him was really offering to spend more time with him, how could he say no? Penelope would be so proud to find out he just had a conversation with a stranger and he was going to see him again.

“Deal.”

Aaron grinned maniacally, “Sweet.”

They sat just smiling at each other for a little bit, then Spencer asked, “By the way, why don’t you wear shoes?”

Aaron shrugged, smirked and brought his lips close to Spencer’s ear, “I like to feel the board,” he whispered.

Spencer was a goner. The ice cream had melted.

thank you for reading <3 leave some feedback/like/reblog <3

[daughterofluthien]

I would like... ur thoughts... on tcw. u know which one.

aljasdjlksfd sorry for taking like, 5000 years to get to this, friend :P

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character: I mean, there’s no many people that I like, but man. it’s gotta be Obi-Wan

Least Favorite character: Look, they tried their best, but tcw did not manage to redeem Jar Jar for me

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Obi-Wan/Satine, Ahsoka/Trace, Obi-Wan/Ventress... Do I even ship anyone else? Cut/Suu Lawquane

Character I find most attractive: I mean. Could it be anyone but our favorite sad, tired jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi?

Character I would marry: so there are def a ton of barriers to this, including canon death and the whole being-a-member-of-a-religious-organization-that-doesn’t-do-the-marriage-thing, but if I could pick anyone it would be Kit Fisto

Character I would be best friends with: look, I wanna say Ahsoka, but I think pre-terrorist Barriss might be more accurate?

a random thought: this isn’t exactly a groundbreaking thought or anything, but I’m so proud of my girl Ahsoka for going from one of the fandom’s most hated characters to one of the most loved

An unpopular opinion: I am... conflicted about Satine’s death. On one hand, I appreciate the High Key Tragedy of it all, and that one shot with Obi holding her body is practically Shakespearian and I have feelings, but on the other hand she’s literally killed mainly to cause Obi-Wan emotional pain, which is literally the definition of a fridging. BUT on the other other hand, that’s the literal in-story motivation of the character who does the killing as will, and not just the meta of the narrative, so like. Does that make it better?? I am very unclear on this point.

My Canon OTP: Obi-Wan/Satine

My Non-canon OTP: I ... don’t think I have one? At least not one that I would label an OTP

Most Badass Character: Okay, so I vacillated between Obi-Wan and Anakin here, but I gotta say that Obi just has more style, so the scales are gonna tip in his direction. Panache counts for a lot in my book

Most Epic Villain: I just love Maul man. He’s got that nemesis thing going on with Obi Wan, he’s somehow both deranged and the most philosphical dark sider in any star wars media. Oh, and he’s got that panache thing thing that I was talking about before. He’s just delightfully extra. Also Sam Witwer’s voice acting is incredible.

Pairing I am not a fan of: Mmm Ahsoka/Lux does not spark joy

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): I mean... see my entry under unpopular opinion. :P (Although I do fully recognize that there was probably nowhere else they could go with her character. But still)

Favourite Friendship: As of the finale, Rex and Ahsoka

Character I most identify with: So this is probably a cop-out answer, but I feel like the answer is some weird, unholy combo of Obi-Wan, Barriss, and like... Shaak Ti? Maybe?

Character I wish I could be: Ahsoka, definitely. She’s badass, she makes her own decisions, and above all she’s good. Plus she grows up to be Star Wars Gandalf, so for that reason alone she’s definitely role model material. Ooh, also Plo Koon. He’s just great.

Ask me fandom questions!

[joeys-piano]

Tagged by @space--cowboys // Hello, I believe this is the first time we’re interacting

Rules: Answer 10 questions, write your own 10 questions, and tag 10 peeps

Tagging: @somuchanemoia & @feu-eau and anyone else who wants to do this. Seriously, if you want to answer my unconventional questions, go for it.

What would you recommend to a friend to read?

Being and Time by Martin Heidegger. If you’re interested in philosophy and understanding what it means to simply “be” and what it means to be human by how to be human, you might enjoy this one. English isn’t amy first language and much of the nuance of what’s happening is lost to me. However, Heideggr has a beautiful way of putting things together and I would describe his writing like sitting in an opera house and listening to the long, melodic notes from the singers in a 15+ hour opera rendition performance.

The text is nuanced, meaning it’s hard and very rough to read. It’s like playing a chess game with the author and trying to figure out what move he made while simultaneously trying to counter the next move he will make. It’s challenging, but it’s not boring. At the very least, it’s gonna clear the gray matter in your brain because you’ll be thinking very hard.

Also, this is like a hardcore philosphical book where you need to be pretty familair with and if not have general knowledge of philosophy, the history of philosophy, and the major philosphers of Western tradition + an understanding of Nietzsche and his works. I would recommend this to a very specific niche of friends, friends that I don’t have but other friends can say they do because I’m their friend!

Do I know philosophy like the back of my hand? No. I’m just willing to learn and see from a different perspective, even if it’s very difficult and I don’t entirely understand it. But in pursuing this and taking my time with chipping at it, it’s given me some interesting things to think about.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

I don’t have a specific place I want to live. Not Japan or Hawaii or major cities or capitals around the world. Actually, I think the best place for me would be the rural area. Slower-paced, I don’t have to interact with that many humans, and I can raise my own livestock and have a small garden to partially sustain myself with and have my chickens.

I’m a city-person that longs to live in the countryside. Remove me from civilization, from society, from having to see other people, and let me mingle out in nature with a strong internet connection so I can post fanfic and occasionally send pictures of chickens to my friends. Essentially, I want to be physically off the grid as much as possible, but still have a digital-connection to keep in touch with a very small group of people.

What’s your dream job/profession?

Although it would be sweet to be a writer for a living, I don’t think I could keep up with work-life and still be sane somewhere down the line.

I would want an economically-stable office job, preferably one where I don’t have to interact with very many people. The running theme here is that I like to avoid other humans because humans are unpredictable and their demands and presence, sometimes, really irk me.

What’s a song that always gets you into the mood to dance?

Anything from Lady Gaga. I love her.

If you had the power to control time, what would be the first thing you do?

Freeze time so I could write a 15-page screenplay for my creative writing class. Damn, you Prof. H.

What memory do you treasure the most and why?

Hearing the story of how my parents came to the United States during the 1980s. I was 9 at the time and I couldn’t understand how much they’ve gone through and the Hell it took to get here; but as I’ve gotten older, I look back at my 9 y.o. self and think about the story. I will never be able to understand the extent that my parents have been through, but I understand that it took more strength, resolve, sacrifice, and courage than I could ever imagine.

That memory sticks out to me a lot because I heard their story just before my older brother went to university. He and I sat down at the living room, and Mom and Dad told us their story. I think about that memory a lot, especially since I’m in university now and it feels...I feel a lot of things about it.

What’s your favorite season/time of the year and why?

10 p.m. , ‘tis the hour of my sleep.

What hobby are you really passionate about?

Writing and music.

How would you describe the style of clothes you wear/your wardrobe?

Simple. You slap it on and go.

What’s your favorite meme?

Galaxy brain.

Questions:

The most questionable thing you researched for fandom purposes

How would you rate your experience with Tumblr?

What is the function of a rubber duck?

Do you sleep your back turned towards a door or to a wall?

With the inevitability of death and how our clocks are slowly running out, how are you occupying your time?

Roast me, damn it.

If you had to erase your identity and assume a new one, who would you be?

Where is the best place to eat?

Where is the best place to sleep?

If cellphone towers went down and you had to communicate with someone that’s far away, how would you do it?

[jemej3m]

rubies and pearls

 from that silly indie quote about the sun loving the moon so much that it dies every night to let her shine, i present to you this: 

a sort of post-modern philosphical shitshow where neil panicking about the relevance of his existence in our universe is my constant state

this is also p similar to (but obviously not as good as the 180,525 words of) ‘The First Breath’ which is a good (amazing) fic i defs recommend 

Neil is a kinda generic term for what he is, but essentially, in the most simplistic, genial terms, he is Neil. Neil Josten, in all his glory. 

It’s strange how all the benevolent figures of this particular earthly plane have opped for such simple names. Like Matt, for example. Here he was, providing optimism and celebration to human kind, but he went ahead and named himself Matthew Boyd. 

And his love, Danielle Wilds. She was the embodiment of valour. And she insisted to go by Dan. 

Renee, Wymack, Allison, Seth, Aaron, Jean, Kevin, Jeremy, Nicky, Abby, Betsy, hell, even Riko. Though he supposed that it was ironic that the Japanese name meant truth, and he was consistently anything but. 

There were others, perhaps more unsavory, of whom Neil never tended to mention, and wholistically avoided when he could. They, too, had elicited for general names. Lola, Nathan, Mary. Seriously. Mary. 

They were practically what the humans called gods, the lot of them. But like: Also not like gods. Without them, the thing they represented would be obsolete, and humankind would no longer be capable of experiencing it. Some things such as fear (Nathan) and pain (Lola) would be rather beneficial to eradicate, but they fought tooth and nail, not only to exist, but to try and remove those who negated their particular characteristic.

Such as Neil. Neil was the embodiment of eternity, or immortality. Perhaps humans weren’t immortal, but he and his fellow benevolent beings were. He also immortalised memory, and how they (humans) could translate it into permanent forms. Books, scripts, art. More recently, the internet. 

So, being that Nathan and Lola drew satisfaction from the cruel shortening of human life, and Neil represented the extension of life, they did not get along. 

He clashed with paranoia (Mary) and sadism (Riko): Sometimes he and connection (Jeremy) fell upon disagreements, in that Neil was unable to immortalise humankind and Jeremy watched the relations he inadvertently formed crumble through the permanent separation of death. It wasn’t that Neil had anything against Jeremy. He was just awfully cheery. 

Then again, Matt often displayed similar qualities. Neil assumed he was more tolerable, due to the idea of perseverance that accompanied optimism. Neil could respect that. 

He respected forgiveness (Wymack) and transformation (Renee). He appreciated valour (Dan) and stubbornness (Allison), and whilst their personalities grated upon Neil, both regret (Seth) and doubt (Aaron) were necessary, too. Both healers, of mind and body (Betsy and Abby), were much needed too, but their disposition to smother Neil with affections was not appreciated. 

Neil rarely saw those he enjoyed the company of. His symbol was the moon, and thus night was his territory. It was also the territory of things most evil and threatening, and whilst Neil technically didn’t have to maintain his waking hours in the night (he just simply needed to exist), he tended to anyway. 

Perched upon the branch of a pine, he gazed upon the moon and the stars: His moon, and the trillions of stars that represented the other dimensions. He wondered how many of those had a Neil Josten, and if they were gazing upon him in similar fashion. 

“Neil,” Called a gentle voice, at the bottom of his tree. 

Neil sighed, slipping between the Unreal to appear beside Jean. 

It tended to spook those that weren’t used to his disappearing act. As the embodiment of immortality, and thus, basically the reason that all the other representatives existed, he could slip into the Unreal. It was essentially a strange goo that kept all dimensions together. You were not allowed to cross dimensions, or speak to the embodiments of eternity from other dimensions, but it wasn’t illegal to see one another from time to time. 

Jean was one of the few who he truly tolerated, and who truly tolerated him. Loneliness and eternity went pretty much hand in hand. Immortality was an isolating experience. 

“You have been quite absent for a while.” Jean offered as they walked. It was a trail in the Victorian Alps, at the base of Mount Hotham, in Australia. Australia was not as frequently visited by his fellow beings, in that there were less people in a large space. He frequented Mongolia, Russia and Canada for the same reasons. 

Other beings could not slip in and out of space, but time was still a loose thing. Jean could have walked for five minutes and crossed the pacific ocean that lay between California and Melbourne. He also, if he’d wanted to, have taken two hours. It was all relative. Neil wasn’t in charge of it, so he didn’t really care. When you’re immortal, time isn’t really a thing at all. 

“I have been busy.” Neil said, like he always said. “A cult attempting necromantics here, wars stealing young lives there, a general disregard for the rules of existence everywhere. I’m always busy, Jean. What is it that you want?”

“Irritable.” Jean decided. “Maybe you need to breathe, for a moment?”

Neil was pent-up, but he was always pent-up. Mary always tried to catch up with him, warning of prophecies and visions and happenings and things that would probably never happen. She wasn’t hard to shake off short-term, but she was impossible to get rid of entirely. Having paranoia chase after him like that wasn’t doing his seemingly eternal headache any favours. 

“Maybe you need to get your head out of your ass, and your ass out of California?” Neil offered. “Jeremy’s influencing you more than I thought he would.”

Jean only laughed softly. “You’re insufferable, Neil Josten.”

They walked further in comfortable silence. 

“Have you met with your sun yet?” 

Neil grimaced. He hated it when the sun was referred to as his. Just because they were complementary to one another did not result in Neil’s ownership of the being that symbolised the sun, or visa versa. Neil had never approached the man - or even asked for his name. He couldn’t imagine what the person that was supposed to oppose every aspect of Neil’s being would be like. Most likely, intolerable. He had heard enough about the man from whispers. 

“I do think that it would be beneficial to you.” 

“Is that Jeremy, speaking out of your mouth?” Neil grabbed Jean’s chin to pry it open. “Jeremy, are you there? What are you doing here?”

“Neil, stop it.” Jean was amused, but it slid back into his characteristic seriousness. “You cannot isolate yourself like this for much longer.”

“Says the embodiment of loneliness.”

“Yeah, which is why I know there’s an ache within you.” He frowned. “I thought you agreed that Jeremy and I made a logical pair.”

“Yes,” Neil admitted. “But that does not mean I will feel the same about my other half.”

“You’d be surprised.” Jean offered, the vagueness of his tone making Neil irritated. “You’re more alike than not.”

“Fuck off.” He said, decided. 

Jean simply smiled, his small, knowing smile. “You’ll see.”

Neil watched as he walked in the opposite direction when they approached a fork in the trail. He merely sighed, and retreated to the sanctity of the tallest tree branch. 

The first time Neil sees the man who represents the sun - protection and strength - it is by mistake. He is ambling along a crooked brick path in a small Chinese city by the name of Shijiazhuang as the night began to fade away, with hands in his pockets. He loves the smell of bing and liangmian and the anonymity of the hustle and bustle. He doesn’t have to present himself to humankind if he wishes not to, and in China, it is safer that way. His red curls would draw excessive attention, as would the scars and blue eyes. 

It’s why he likes America: He blends in regardless. If only there were less of his kind there. 

When he sees the man, he’s standing at the top of the city’s history museum, a grand building with a newly refurbished half. Ironic, really, when considering the age of the artifacts inside. 

Neil stands in the middle of the square, surrounded by pigeons as he watches the man. Smoke curls from his fingers, and his hair is illuminated like a halo in the rising sun. Behind him, the moon is sinking into irrelevance, and the stretch of sky between the two spheres is an incredible palette of rich purples and blues, and golden oranges and pinks. 

Distantly, Neil knows his moon is nothing compared to the sun. The sun is glorious. The moon is simply - eery. 

Neil knows he’s been seen by him by the curious tilt of his head. He vanishes. 

The second time is no accident: It is pure frustration. 

In the northernmost lands, sometimes there is no night. Neil sees how the humans grow exhausted, how the sun circulates endlessly without fail. Sometimes he thinks it’s selfish.

He tries to bring rest where he can, in the shadows of small homes dark enough to impersonate the night. When it does grow dark, he rewards their endurance with brilliant light shows in the sky.  

One evening, he has only an hour before the sun returns. Perhaps his irritation was palpable, because the man is at his side instantly. 

He, himself, seems slightly perturbed at his sudden appearance. Neil doesn’t usually summon fellow beings unless it is an urgent matter. He’s the only one who can. 

The man simply looks at him. He’s shorter than Neil, with eyelashes blonde like his hair. Snow rests gently upon the curves of his cheeks. It’s ethereal. 

“I cannot change the globe’s axis.” Was all he said. “Your frustration is leaking everywhere unnecessarily.”

Then he went to light a cigarette, and Neil stood beside him as they watched the sun rise once more.  

The third time was no accident, nor was it by chance: Riko was salivating where he stood towering over him, snarling with anger like a rabid dog. He was the embodiment of sadism and liked to watch mankind suffer, but he didn’t limit himself to just the humans. How he’d found Neil was a mystery, but he’d taken his chance.

Neil thought of Kevin (hubris) and his shattered hand. Kevin said Riko laughed as he’d cowered, and enjoyed snapping each of Kevin’s fingers. He knows what this man is capable of, even if much of his motivation is unprecedented and petty. 

“Give Kevin back to me,” Riko demanded. “You have unlawfully taken him from me. Give him back.”

“He is not yours, or mine, to own.” Neil corrected him. He kept himself just beyond arm’s reach, a trick he had learned when he once often interacted with Nathan. “He’s his own being.”

“You fucking prick.” It’s a blur of action, but Neil found himself pinned to a hard concrete surface, his vision spotting with the force that Riko’d smacked his head to the ground. 

He couldn’t risk jumping to the Unreal: If he did, his physical contact with Riko might bring him there. That’d be a really bad idea. 

So he tried to resist instead, but he was always more inclined to flight rather than fight. He was trapped. 

Until;

Riko was suddenly torn from where he was pressing Neil’s body to the ground, restricting all movement and chance to escape. He vanished as soon as he realised he was no longer alone - the coward that he was - and Neil scrambled to his feet in anticipation. 

“You’re useless.” The man decided. “All he had to do was poke you and you were practically incapacitated.”

“You took your time.” Neil huffed, brushing himself off. He would rather not admit he’d asked for the man’s assistance - he was meant to represent protection, after all - but he couldn’t have risked it. 

“Useless.” He reiterated. 

“At least you had warning.” Neil proposed. “You didn’t have to come.”

“If you’re dead, we’re all dead.” He reminded Neil. “Besides, I know you’ve convinced Kevin to stay away from that sadistic fuck. I need someone to help him keep his head above the water.”

“Well.” Neil said awkwardly. He looked out: They were stood in the middle of a lonely Welsh field. There were sheep a few metres away, and it was hard to tell whether or not it was sunset or sunrise. The constant mask of clouds made it impossible to really know. “Thanks?”

The man merely grunted. “Just don’t be stupid next time.”

“Stupid, how?”

From beneath sheaths in the bands on his arms, he withdrew a knife. He chucked it at Neil, who caught it handle first. On one side of the hilt was an engraved sun, and the other a crescent moon. It had to be really old. “If I can’t be there, don’t get yourself killed.”

“So this will be a regular occurance?” Neil teased. “You saving my ass?” 

“Make me a deal.”  His eyes were like molten gold. “I protect you. You keep Kevin - and the rest of us - alive.”

“You know who I am.” Neil challenged. “You really think you can go against each and all of them who want me under their thumb?”

“I am protection and strength.” He sounded bored.  “Of course I can. Besides, it’s not your problem to worry about. You just need to not get on my nerves, because no one’s saving your ass then.”

“I don’t even know your name.” Neil confessed. “How am I supposed to just trust you?”

“ ‘Just as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west,’” He quoted. “I don’t break my promises.”

Neil offered his hand. “Neil.”

The man looked at it momentarily, before clasping it. The agreement was settled. “Andrew.” 

Neil wanted to know where the fuck Andrew had found this knife. It bore the craftsmanship of eons ago, the gentle casted ornate carvings, the inset of rubies for the sun and pearls for the moon. Stunning, really. Why he’d give it to Neil was another perplexing question. 

He was not fond of the idea of using it. He remembered Nathan’s extended torment, drawing fear from Neil’s every pore in an attempt to control him. The man loved his knives. Over the centuries, weaponry and torture methods had adapted and changed, but knives had always remained. 

He was sitting upon the concrete wall that fronted St Ives’ Tate Modern gallery, looking out at the churning ocean. It was dark, and the moon was hidden by the building behind him. The lighthouse upon a cliff to his right shone light out into the endless ocean.

This place would be stunning on a clear summer’s day.

When Jean walked around the corner, he was hurried. He approached Neil by running up the stairs, looking up at Neil where he sat on the concrete wall. 

“You’d best allow Andrew to find you.” He suggested. “He’s very irritable, because Kevin is useless and won’t tell him where you are.”

Not many could find him: Another perk of his. He could toggle it on and off. His most recent Riko attack was because he had stayed too long in one place. But if he allowed a certain being to find him, it could be at any time. 

Kevin, Jean, Matt and Wymack. Sometimes Dan, Allison, Nicky and Renee. Not often: Jeremy, Alvarez (ignorance) and Laila (innocence). 

He rubbed his hands together in the cold, burying them between his knees. “Sure.”

Jean shook his head, and jogged away. 

Neil could tell when Andrew arrived, because fingers wound themselves into his hair so that his head could be tugged back. Andrew was straddling the wall, one hand pressed with fingers splayed next to Neil’s thigh, the other holding his head up. 

“How the fuck am I meant to protect you if I can’t even find you?” He growled. 

“I forgot.” Neil shrugged. 

With angered muttering under his breath, he turned to face the ocean. 

“Is it prettier in the summer sun?” He asked, curious. 

“What business do I have in caring about aesthetics?” He took a drag from his cigarette.

Neil supposed that was fair enough. A moment of tense silence passed. “You don’t need to keep me company.” 

“Good.” He hopped off the wall and strode away. 

Neil sighed and kept his gaze upon the horizon.

“You have managed to consistently rile up Andrew.” Kevin remarked. “That’s commendable.”

Neil simply arched an eyebrow. 

“He doesn’t - can’t - care about anything enough to be angry. Usually.”

“He does not care about me.” Neil corrected him. “He simply is fulfilling his promises.”

Kevin still didn’t get it. “I mean, he’s consistently followed you around for weeks. But as soon as I try to get him more invested in what he’s doing, and his capabilities as, you know, the embodiment of the fucking sun, he ignores me!” He shook his head, bringing a mug to his lips. 

Most of his fellow beings made habits of sleeping and eating and drinking, because they too could dream and taste. Neil didn’t see the need to bother. 

“Maybe I have his best interests in mind.” He said. 

“Oh, yeah?” Kevin shook his head. “Like what?”

Neil wasn’t actually sure. He simply took Kevin’s coffee and sipped on the strange smelling liquid. It tasted worse than it smelled. He made a face and put it back onto the table. 

Kevin put his head in his hands. “The day anyone gets through to Andrew is the day the sun collides with the planet.”

“We might still be here, depending on how quickly the humans run themselves into the ground.”

“Wouldn’t count on it.” Kevin muttered, sullenly slurping from his drink. 

Neil ignored his moping friend and stared out the diner’s shuttered window instead, watching raindrops slide down the glass pane. 

Did Andrew really not care?

When Neil asked him that, he scoffed. “Of course not.”

Neil just looked at him, waiting for an expansion. 

“You, of all the others, should know how pointless this all is.” He gestured around himself. Neil liked the angle of his fingers as they held the cigarette: With nonchalance, but also, with fearlessness. “We’re one of trillions. What difference does it make?”

“Scientifically, you’re the most vital aspect to this whole conundrum of living things.” Neil said, quietly. “I don’t understand how the individual on which the weight of the entire world rests couldn’t care less about it. What, is it too much to deal with?”

Andrew looked at him pointedly. 

Neil looked back. “I shouldn’t be the one responsible for eternity. The sun is protection, and strength, and gives life. The moon is just some floating rock, reflecting the light you give. It’s practically nothing.” He felt himself curl inwards.  “I am nothing. Time, life, purpose. None of it can mean anything to me. I’m just nothing.”

His hand rested on the back of Neil’s next, forcing his head to his knees. He hadn’t even registered the quickening of breath, the lightheadedness. Overwhelmed was not something he could risk. He was being chased after by those who wanted chaos and destruction. He was being yearned after for those who wanted to use him selfishly. 

“Now you know why I don’t care about any of it.” He said lowly. 

“because I can’t afford to” went unsaid.

It snapped Neil out of his strange spiral. 

“You aren’t nothing, Neil.” Andrew said. His strange apathy was oddly comforting. No objectivity could influence the statements he said. “All of this is nothing without you.”

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Neil said, weakly. 

“Don’t get used to it.” He let go, taking another drag. Neil plucked it out of his hand to take a steady inhale. He liked the way the smoke curled in the air as he breathed out. Andrew did not look impressed. 

“I won’t.” Neil leaned closer to slot the cigarette back between the angle of his fingers. 

The man scoffed. Together, they watched the sunrise over the limeston structures of Vietnam’s HaLong Bay. 

This is nice, Neil thought. He did not dare say it outloud. 

this was getting tooooo longggggggg so i thought: two parts?

although it might be nice just to leave it at that. idk. 

[rgr-pop]

i haven’t read the surrogacy book (i actually do intend to, because of all of this!) and it is absolutely fanning the natalist* flames, that’s true. and it’s doing so partially on purpose, it is making a provocation to be provocative! there’s a lot more context there, though. for one, we’re in the middle of a nu social reproduction revival, and i see this book as part of that literature, and timely. but it is also timely politically, and i do imagine (hope?) that lewis has observed this sort of new wave of biologic nationalism--i’m sure she had finished the book by the time n*gle published the borders article, but thinkers savvier than i must have seen that coming, given the state of borders and population paranoia around the white globe. plus, i assume (again: hope?) this book in some ways addresses some of the creeping terrors of alienation (”atomization”) that are leading to this: n*gle for example writes a book arguing that atomization (the disruption of the family) incubated this new global right. it is obviously time for the left to be reading and writing books against the family.

i have been very surprised that it is the “against the family” part of the surrogacy book that has been so controversial everywhere, and all across the left. it seems like that critique should be familiar to absolutely everyone, fundamental even. the kind of technocratic claims (cannot assess until i read!) should, to me, have been the ones that people were freaking out about--and those are the ones that are transparently experimental and probably inflammatory. (and those kinds of arguments have a much different position in the feminist canon, but, again, cannot assess until i read.) but what’s actually happening is “parenting is labor, in fact productive labor in capitalism, including the labor of labor” is fucking tearing everyone apart, from anarchists to dsa caucuses to podcast accellerationists and, most of all, everyone in the strasserite wars. they are losing their fucking MINDS. they saw “abolish the family” and leaped off their fucking roofs. absolute fuckin hysteria.

but ALC is another thing entirely. imo she is your average (absolutely dead average except for being basically bari weiss) wealthy liberal. she’s not a leftist of any stripe, even though she occasionally speaks about or on behalf of them on her twitter. so she contributes some “against the family” tweets, but they are not “against the family,” they are actually just... well, everyone is acccusing her of just doing therapy, which kind of is what it is. she asked what the point of parents were, and somehow none of her weird liz warren philospher fans or any of the enraged were like “a social relation?” instead they were like “your life has sad. family is BIOLOGY and DESTINY” and of course her response was “you think that your parents love you, but they don’t.” this is as far as comp lit will get you, my friends. in any case, everyone seems to agree that good parents or bad parents is a “lottery” or perhaps some kind of inherited “brain worm,” as the kids these days are saying. none of them said: maybe there are reasons that our mothers can’t support us? (silly me! if mothers need supporting, then we must ban abortions, so that we can reward pregnant women with welfare! bruenig welfare.)

my point here being that ALC was being deliberately inflammatory--and, okay, she’s big Not a Genius, again, that’s the best you can hope for a rich comp lit grad--and, it worked, in that, again, the natalists are saying “they are coming for our FAMILIES.” they already hate (and maybe hatefollow) her because she is like an obnoxious comp lit liberal on twitter who everyone hates, and also because a lot of these people (obvs) love to hate trans women (although this trend isn’t nearly as easy to predict in this milieu as I would have thought. much like regular t*rfs themselves, they are all the hell over the place.) (in that screenshot i posted, the OP is one of aimee’s reply girls, and the person who responded to her is some kind of leftist european who also posts a lot about the trans threat. an anti-trans activist? in MY “it’s biology actually”?). 

none of this is new for ALC. for those of you who haven’t heard of her, she somewhat notoriously wrote, well, this. i don’t want to be flat-out mean about this part, but if i’m being honest, the way i interpret her career is that she was handed a pedigree that allows her to sell sanitized summaries of twenty-year-old intra-community trans issues to NPR tote bags. (the mean part is I truly think she believes she has conjured her own ideas at some point in her life. she hasn’t.) I think she was being deliberately inflammatory but I’m not even entirely convinced that she mounted this “conversation” in light of the aforementioned conversations; not sure she has the range. (she definitely does not have the range to be a cryptofascist!) but, still, “parenting is labor that operates a way in capitalism” is absolutely outside of her vision! not to bolster the “she’s just trying to make us therapize her” argument, which I find mostly annoying, it does seem, like, true, that this is a much harder thing to understand if you are rich. and I don’t yet know how to explain it in a way that raises the consciousness of the wealthier!** you DON’T have to love your rich mom, but it would be nice not to see “mothers are a social problem, the problem is mothers” from people who went to duke or wellesley u know

*henceforth this is how i refer to all the “left” organizing around the issue of population & the family who are elsewhere cyberbullied as “cryptofascist”

**wait, maybe I do! “social reproduction”

[yourbrotherzulu]

Beginningless

Time is such an odd thing. Everyone is in such a rush. Trying to get this, trying to become that. Missing what they have and what they already are.

Life could be beautiful. Full of appreciation and gratitude for the beauty all around. But instead: more of this pleasurable thing, less of that unpleasant thing. And what’s inside is decaying instead of thriving.

A few years ago, I said fuck this and fuck that, left my home and my job, put my last bucks together, gave my balls a last scratch and started to travel without a plan. Just a ticket to India, and that was it.

And then another ticket. And another one. And God knows where the money came frome (and I mean that literally). And now I am hanging out inna hamock in the peruvian jungle with my best friend, a black fluffy monkey and try to put something in words, that is actually beyond words. But since I deal in words, I should be able to throw a bunch of them together, spice them a little bit and hopefully they give a good flavour and make a little sense.

What is there to describe?

Something that is magical and yet the realest reality there is.

Something that is everywhere and yet no one finds it.

Something that is so close and yet no one sees it.

Something that is there in abundance and yet no one takes it.

Something that is everything and yet in its core is pure nothingness.

The one selfless Self.

Somethin’ like that.

God, someone said to me once, is just a word. And in a way I agree, I would even go so far to say its a cursed word. It’s not a word like Om, where everyone feels spiritual like a smoking stick of incense after three times chanting it. It’s a word that wakes up so much associations in peoples mind, so dependent on their upbringing. It’s a word that I almost don’t dare to speak out loud but yet it’s the only word that really matters. And most of it is beyond matter anyway.

Consciousness. Everybody has it. But just a few investigate it. And even fewer investigate it within themselves. I mean who the fuck has time for this anyway, right? Although the real question is: who the fuck takes time for it? You see, if you are fortunate enough to one day stumble upon the idea that you and everyone around you is as eternal as eternity can be, here since beginningless time and here for a long, long while longer, then you might think it’s a good idea to take a moment to find out who you really are. And then you take the luxury of another moment, and then another one and after a few more you’ll find that the moment has become eternal. A vibrant flow of stillness, running through the center of your own being: Life.

The Self. There is a Self, there is no Self, there is a Self, there is no Self. We gonna discuss this in more detail later, since this divine paradox is actually the very foundation of creation. There are a few more of these divine paradox (es? a? oxeses? who gives a shitses?) and the integation of those always brings revelation...

What is this, that you call yourself? The images that you hold dear? Aren’t they changing like the seasons? The thoughts that are running through your head? Aren’t they as transient as clouds in the sky? Your body, that is so close to you? Isn’t it changing, growing and decaying over time, constantly creating and devouring it’s own cells? So where is the Self, that you call “I”? Is it the one who asks these questions? Or is it the one that can observe the one who asks the questions?

Maybe the monkey knows. He looks like he knows. His face looks calm and wise and his hands are tiny and soft and its finger approaching the holes of my nose.

and prngejekjessing on the kefeyboard.

Thanks monkey. you just ruined the page! That’s it! No more bananas for you lil’ fucker!

God, Consciousness and the Self. That sounds like a humble thread.

Reality is a funny thing, isn’t it? Every night you create whole worlds, with it’s own physics and a plethora of characters in your imagination. What if I told you, that this whole thing you experience in a waking state is not much different? A little bit though, since were all dreaming it up together, co-creating our world. You see, the word “Buddha” means literally “someone who has woken up”.

And it’s not as if there are not already volumes over volumes about this stuff. Waking up. Liberating oneself. Reaching enlightenment. Scratching balls. Songs over song and scriptures over scriptures. Philosophers, Poets, Saints, Mystics, Scientists, they all wrote about it.

But I am not a saint, nor a philospher, neither a scientist, and a poet only when I take a dump on the first, bright morning of spring.

I was a criminal. And a total failure, a depressed, angry piece of shit, spreading misery. I was alone. I had nothing. Well I had a lot of misery...

And now... Happy, every day, free and fresh. And my relations are awesome. To my family, my friends, even to those who have once been my enemies. To myself, who sometimes has been an even bigger enemy to me then everyone else. And to my God, who probably has been my biggest enemy of them all, back then, when I was still full of fear. My God, who is now not only my best friend (bestest), but also my father, my mother, my master, my lover, my home, my goal, my road, who I learn to see in every situation and in every being I encounter.

Life has turned into the most magical thing.

And I have become a child. And I guess that’s why they finally opened the gates.

Know thyself, they say, and you’ll know all the wonders of the universe.

Unless you become like children, they say, the gates of heavens will remained closed.

It’s because you are it. The universe. The wonders. The Self. The only one being that is actually there. And you are the child of it. The father and the son, or daughter... you are it.

And I believe, since everyone is so fucked up these days and tryin‘ to find themselves, maybe I could help a little. Or entertain someone. Or at least kill some time and write somethin‘ that no one will ever read.

But I feel I have a few stories to share.

But I dont know yet in what way.

I want it to be honest and fantastical at the same time.

It should be both smooth and classy and raw and uncensored.

I wanted it to be fuckin' noble

like a Buddha statue

behind a line of cocain

I want it to be serious and dark and funny and light

every text should be a poem, an essay a report, an adventure, an inspiration, and yet remaining empty and somehow vague for each reader to make it their own.

I want it to be always about God and never mention that cursed word even once. (well I guess, that goal is already missed.)

I wanna say thank you. To everyone I ever met. To every hardship and every joyride. To God who has always been there, especially in the Dark Nights.

I want to write about them, those Dark Nights of the Soul and guide you until you see the morning light again.

I want it to be full with hard and red cocks and wet, dripping pussies, obscene and perverted and then again just write pages over pages about how I try not to masturbate (many pages about not masturbating).

I want it to be spiritual, ancient and yet fresh and fly, timeless and yet contemporary, profound and yet funny. Like consciousness itself. Like waking up on a spring day. Next to a beautiful, naked woman who is still sleeping and drooling, while you’re making fresh orange juice and getting some croissants for her. Yeah, like that.

I want it to be about Jesus and Buddha and Bob Marley, but in a cool way. Like really cool. Because these dudes were cool, thats for sure.

And they certainly didn’t want to be forcefed to people by them hippocrates. They just wanted to share the treasure they found. Because they knew this treasure waits in every human heart to be discovered. They never intended to be forced upon anyone. Quite the opposite.

I don’t want to have an introduction... wait a minute...

It should be a trip. Just a trip.

I always hated writing about myself but whenever I wrote about anything else, people asked to please keep on writing about myself and share my thoughts and feelings. So I guess, that’s what I am gonna write about.

Me. Because at the end. You are just another me. And I am just another you. But the God inside is always the same.

Maybe I just want to share something.

How to be happy, I guess.

And a little bit of poetry.

Maybe I do know what I want to write about.

Maybe tomorrow I start again from the beginning. Who knows?

But just when I stopped scratching my monkeys head and finally found some words

 ...

The Universe changed the damn script.

And time started and killed my sweet timelessness.

...

[tauntedoctopuses]

TO rereads HP

I'm rereading (well, listening to) the Harry Potter books and I have Thoughts, and I've been going "I want to post these on tumblr" and keep forgetting, so first post covers theough most of Prisoner of Azkaban. Tagging as "TO rereads HP"

Philospher's Stone

-JK definitely uses "ugly = bad" a lot. Here we have Dudley who is extremely fat, Aunt Petunia with a excessive neck and a face like a horse, Uncle Vernon who is "beefy" which is another word for especially large, and Piers who is "rat-faced". Snape is "sallow" and "greasy". I'll give her that she doesn't go in for describing her good characters as especially attractive - Harry is skinny (bc abuse) w untidy hair, Ron is gangly, Hermione has bushy hair and large front teeth - but that's not given connotations as "ugly" either.

-Harry's rationalization for why Dumbledore let him face Voldemort doesn't make sense from an adult POV. What reasonable adult would let a child risk death (and risk Voldemort's return) just to give him a chance to face the man who killed his parents and tried to kill him as a baby???

Chamber of Secrets

-I recently read Of a Linear Circle by @deadcatwithaflamethrower and it's AMAZING. I've also accepted her version of Hogwarts history as my headcanon. It makes a lot more sense than JK's version. : P It did leave me going "argh no wrong" through Professor Binns' spiel about the history of the Chamber of Secrets, and indignation about how Salazar's reputation has been twisted. Also FEELS about the basilisk. JALAAAAAAF D: D: D:

-Dumbledore asks if there was anything Harry wanted to tell him, and there's noted eye contact. Harry's mind immediately flashes through all the things he might want to tell Dumbledore/DOES NOT want to tell him. That's a sneaky trick for a Legilimens to pull, and yes, I do think that'a what he was doing.

-wait how did Aragog have kids unless... yep, Hagrid found him a mate. Why, Hagrid, why?

Prisoner of Azkaban

-How could Dumbledore let Harry send Harry to live with the Durlseys??? They abuse him like whoa, and there's no way the Weasleys didn't tell Dumbledore what happened last summer (locked up, starved, has to literally dodge a frying pan swung at his head??? The Dursleys never successfully hit him in canon, but there's sure enough evidence of them threatening/trying to). Even assuming the blood protection thing, there's no excuse for Dumbledore not to show up and make sure they treat Harry decently. (Unless you get into "Dumbledore was fine with/wanted Harry to be treated badly so he would trust Dumbledore so Dumbledore could use him to kill Voldemort.)

-Lovely, this time it's "masculine woman = bad". Aunt Marge looks like Uncle Vernon, big and beefy, and "even has a mustache like him". She's presented as even worse than the Dursleys, and since Uncle Vernon is already presented as ugly and ugly features on men are generally considered worse on women... ugh, JK. This ties in nicely with your transphobia.

-Again w "ugly=bad" with Snape and his yellow teeth.

-Hermione why did you bring Crookshanks up to the boys' dorm room when he keeps going for Scabbers? Bad planning.

-How do people keep their pets at Hogwarts? Do none of the rats and toads have enclosures? Scabbers is generally in Ron's pocket or sometimes sleeping in his bed. Neville is forever losing Trevor (although to be fair he'd probably manage that with an enclosure). Ron has Scabbers with him in Transfiguration when he (tried to) turns him into a goblet, and Trevor was apparently on hand in Potions to be fed Neville's attempt at a shrinking solution. Do they just... carry them around in their pockets all day? Cause that's a terrible idea for multiple reasons. 1) Critters need time and space to do their crittery thing. Run, dig, hide, sleep unbothered in a quiet place, etc. Enclosures are important for that. Toads may have specific temperature/humidity needs, too. 2) Where are these animals toileting? If they're in your pocket all day, guess what, it's in your pocket. Rats can be toilet trained, but if you don't give them the opportunity to go... you're stuck with the results. I doubt toads are smart enough for anything like that. And then the critter is stuck in its waste until the owner notices and cleans their pocket. Apart from the ew factor for people, it's not healthy for the animal. I suppose we could theorize magical self-cleaning pockets, but that seems like fairly advanced magic. Although I suppose parents/guardians could spell the pockets. I do very much like the idea of magical self-cleaning cat boxes, though. Hermione definitely has one of those for Crookshanks. 3) Allowing pets in class would be a big distraction, for owners and other students. Critters won't be content to just chill in pockets all the time, they move and make noise. I can't see most professors putting up with that.

-There are all of three other students staying over Christmas, two of whom are first years - for no reason whatsoever I headcanon that Derek and unnamed firstie are BFFs from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw and they're taking the opportunity of everyone being gone to have sleepovers in each other's dorms every night. Maybe they rotate, maybe they just stick to Hufflepuff bc Hufflepuff is probably super cozy. Also Derek is the Puff bc apparently that sounds like a good Puff name to me.

-At one point a student speculates "maybe he knows how to apparate" like it's some rare feat, instead of the thing everyone learns in their sixth or seventh year like getting a driver's license. Must be a Muggle-born kid, because for a half- or pure-blood Apparition is "that thing my parent(s) do all the time". Can you imagine a non-magical kid, trying to figure out how an adult got around, going "maybe he can drive?"

-Harry tried *not* to blink when lying to Snape about having been in Hogsmeade, so in trying to lie convincingly he opened himself up to Legilimency instead. Welp.

-Everything in this setup screams Legilimency - there's the emphasis on eye contact, etc. Plus, what are the odds of Snape being restrained with it to a student he hates? How frustrating must it be for Snape to know exactly what happened and not be able to do anything about it?

-Harry "sees" Buckbeak flying away in his Divination final XD

-Why does Sirius try to choke Harry??? Is he just that crazed at that moment?

-When Harry is working himself up to kill Sirius, does he actually know how to kill someone with magic? Or is he just gonna point his wand and think killing thoughts?