#I know it's not as deserving as actual fan art but reblogs are still appreciated 🙏🏻

[melimpostor]

OMG you are one of if not the best aruanie artist i saw, i cant believe i have only found you now!

They were like the first ship ever for me and they still mean a lot, they are so sweet, especially in your style. The ironic thing is, that at first way back around season 1 i started to see aruanie fan art, and at the time i tought it was a bit odd (i guess i missed all the signs in the show), i liked it but i considered it somewhat of a crack ship, especially since Annie was present just for one short season then it seemed like she never actually gonna come back. And then i lost my mind when suddenly in the manga it was just straight up canon xd. It propably helped that from the begining they were my favourite characters even individually.

They are still the best ship ever, like what do you mean in her whole life she was raised for war, but then couldnt kill the one guy who didnt cared about all this conflict and revenge he just wanted to explore the world, and her decicion cost the warriors the whole mission and eventually changed the world 😭

Btw do you know of some fanfictions that you would recommend?

WaaaAAAAAA- (ಥ◡ಥ) I’m not sure i deserve such a title, but thank you very much for your kind words, I appreciate it a lot ! ♥ ♥ This blog is fairly new, i've been active here since january so it might be why -

Haha I feel you! Aruani made me feel things i never thought i would for fictional characters before. I personally shipped them from the start. I guess I was gifted with the vision and carried the curse of being judged by my AOT-enthusiast friends for years. So I understand why it felt like a crack ship at the time for some. I was pretty sure i was delusional myself- but now… SIKE !!!!!!!!!!!! I am unapologetically taking my revenge with Aruani fanart now XD

But yeah, Annie is basically the one who compromised the whole mission because of her affection for Armin. Ruthless Annie. Flawless Annie... Falling for the sweet sweet boy with cute smiles and curious eyes?? aaa i’m weAk..

As for fanfictions, I am actually new to this kind of media. I never really looked for written fan-content in any other fandoms before…well- now... But i’m happy i’m finally doing it because it opens my artistic viewpoint and this community is very talented ♥ I didn't know writing could make me feel so many emotions and keeping me involved like that. I never experienced it to that extend in the past.

That being said, it means I haven't read a lot of them yet, besides work keeps me busy and my reading is pretty slow…So for the time being i 'll suggest you take a look at this post which regroups a lot of work already (and I think reblogs have some updates too ! )

And if you wanted my personal recommandations, maybe ask me again in 6 months or 24 so I have time to catch up ! haha- sorry dear writers, i failed you for so long ;;

[blorbocedes]

F1 has to be worst fandom I have ever created content for. I dont know if this is because majority are from Twitter and TikTok where likes are the only thing they know, but whenever I see a fic/gifset/art/edit/whatever, F1blr without a fail has the most attrocious reblog to like ratio known to humankind. 1:3 is even a lot to expect. Any other fandom I do stuff for, the smallest ratio I got was 4:1 or 5:1. Says it all really about how ungrateful F1blr is and why its losing creators left and right.

That being said, you are one of the few blogs that I always see reblogging stuff so thank you for that

when I wasn't into f1 and I saw the f1 rpf tag on ao3 had like 23,000+ works was Insane. esp cause my prev fandom was just me and two friends in dms, so it had been super intimidating. then I actually joined and found oh, it's much smaller. still a very sizeable fandom, don't get me wrong, but a lot of the creators are on tumblr and here the max cap is 1000 notes (and that's if something Pops off. if something has 1k notes you can reasonably assume fandom has seen it and discoursed it already) so the overall community is very insular and splintered.

I think artists and gif makers/editors suffer the worse end of the stick cause their stuff is so often taken for granted, stolen and reposted without credit. when these archiving work -- videos, gifs, pictures, are what keeps fandom alive. reblogging and appreciating your creators is essential!!!

I have lucked out because I made friends with the creators I look up to, so I get to be both a fan and a friend. but without that social buffer, being Only a creator on f1blr is a lonely experience. I'm sorry your experience has been so rough, and it reflects other creators' 😢 if it has been weighing negatively on you, I do suggest taking a break from creating or from fandom altogether. fandom is supposed to be fun, and when it stops being fun, some time apart is good, as feeling bad over the engagement won't change the culture of how things are and just makes you feel worse.

I try to get my friends the hype they deserve when they make something cause I think making things is very cool. feed your creators!!! even those who you take for granted, such as downloading the most crisp HD quality from Getty with the photographers credited. they're holding fandom together!!!

[artsartblog]

Last post of art for now ^w^

This is a redesign I made recently of my RC9GN oc Clarissa Knowles. I decided to give her a more goth look than she had before since I felt like she really wasn't hitting the gothic mark I was going for. Her clothes do have a hint of purple in them because I chose colors that were more on the purple side to pay homage to her original design. I even gave her makeup this time since I really wanted to before, but never did. I pretty much kept everything but her outfit the same with the addition of makeup and accessories.

This is actually my most recent piece (literally finished it yesterday/at 12am this morning), which is of the Secret Trio. I added my ocs for the different fandoms (Clarissa, Beth and Kamala) because I wanted to kinda show the friendship dynamics between my ocs and the protagonists. I will say Kamala is going under a redesign because I forgot what her og design was so this is now her current design. She is monkey demon that is inspired by the Monkey King (like she herself is a fan of the Monkey King and has kinda based her personality around the idea of being a mischievous monkey that does whatever the fuck she wants, despite being a teenager). Kamala is usually using magic to hide her true form to be able to exist in society, but at home or when she really just doesn't feel like using magic she will be in her monkey form (which isn't much different from her disguised form). Also the reason why Randy is in the ninja suit is to show off that Clarissa knows he is the ninja and helps out with the stanked monsters (mostly by keeping others safe with her own magical powers).

Lastly, we have Yumichika Norisu (who is named after and based on one of my favorite characters from Bleach). Yumi is an oc I made to be related to another RC9GN oc, named Sayuki, who acts as the surrogate love child of Sayuki and Gorou (basically @quirinah oc version of one of the norisu nine that has become one of my favorites because Q just makes the best characters I swear). Sayuki's cousin ends up taking on the Norisu name because of how much the Norisu Nine for their village and because only one of the nine survived (basically trying to keep the norisu family alive without actually being apart of the og family). Yumi actually doesn't feel he deserves his last name because he was raised learning about the true history of the Ninja and the Norisu Nine. He's still a wip oc since I'm still figuring him out, but basically he's the love child of Sayuki and Gorou (who I assume never have the chance to actually start their own family considering how things go for the Norisu Nine and the ages Q came up for the nine).

So yeah. Feel free to send in any asks for any of my ocs. Likes are nice, but reblogs are more appreciated. As always have good day and stay creative!

[sophsun1]

Hi, Soph!

I saw your reblog earlier about people not reblogging content and just taking it and making it their own. That's fucked up and I haven't done that, however, it made me think about how I reblog your gorgeous and lovely gifs. I've already addressed how my Tumblr is basically me reblogging what you create. I care so little about who follows me, but I loooove everything you create and am appreciative on so many levels. It brings me joy and I don't care if we're a tiny group, some things deserved to be seen over and over and over again. Even your non QAF content is good and it all matters to me.

I've typically always used just #qaf but today I decided to start adding #QueerAsFolk too, just in hope it'll reach someone new who might be doing a search randomly.

Is there something else, with the goal that your hard work should be seen by more?

Regardless, know I appreciate all of your art and know you take so much time and care. For example, and this is on the most ~basic~ level, you made me aware of how the lighting on this show is wonky to gif. But then you make a set a juxtaposition, or themed, or just some new contrasting idea I had never considered. OMG, you're talented.

Hey!

You're always so kind and supportive, ty for your nice words about my gifs and I know that you would never steal anyone's content.

To be honest I don't really expect my qaf sets to get a high number of notes compared to my other stuff as it's not a current show and it's gonna be 25 years since it first aired. I thought it was more popular on tumblr than it actually is, but i'm happy with you guys, my friends reblogging it means a lot to me.

And we have had some new fans this year and last that have discovered the show, how can we forget anon's brother who became a superfan!

I think what is hard for us gifmakers these days is that people don't reblog as they used to, more and more people steal our stuff both here and on other platforms shamelessly or complain about what we've made. At this point there is no excuse for it.

But we are here putting out content daily, but there is nothing for us to reblog, because it becomes a vicious cycle of people not sharing gifmakers content so they give up making things which means for the people that still produce things, we have nothing to share.

You've been a support since day one when i came onto this hellsite and it's not unnoticed by me 💛

[camedownonamoonbeam]

Alright, so bitlesanddrabbles blocked me after replying to me in the comments, which means I’d have never even seen them without this screenshot someone else took (thank you!). Blocking me is totally valid, but I still want to reply (whether they ever even read this or not), so I’m posting the screenshots here.

Firstly, I’m passing on a note from @saeculorum-art​, who wants their art blog remain for art: They’d have been willing to have a private conversation with you over DM, but now that you've blocked them, you'll have to remain at odds. And they won't take down their original reblog just because you removed the reference to them in your original reply to OP. * “You’ve got us wrong”? I don’t know you! I’ve never spoken to you before! I didn’t know you existed until right now, so how can I even be talking about you? I never said anything about myself, or claimed that you were talking about me specifically or something. But fine, I’ll pretend this isn’t ridiculous, and say this: you were talking about me because you made a broad sweeping generalization about Barris shippers who were upset by DA2, which I am one of. You don’t need to have ever spoken to me personally to include me in a generalization about a whole group of people. I’ll quote you directly here to avoid confusion: Okay, yes,  a lot of Richard’s Boyfriend Thomas fans in particular went “OMG! YOU MEAN AFTER YEARS OF US YELLING ABOUT HOW THOMAS NEEDED TO GET A BOYFRIEND AND LEAVE DOWNTON, HE ACTUALLY GOT A BOYFRIEND AND LEFT DOWNTON?!?! HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING JF YOU ABSOLUTE BASTARD YOU SUCK!” and then went storming off, but it wasn’t all of us.

You are shifting so many goalposts in your replies. In this quote, you are very clearly talking about Barris shippers (as well as claiming that a lot of us have yelled about him needing to leave Downton). But then in the comments, you claim to have been talking about the following people: -people who got attitudes with you even before the film was released for writing other ships -people who were unnecessarily nasty to people who didn’t deserve it -a very specific group -”not simply talking about the shippers” -those deliberately left nasty comments on fics of other ships -who attacked people who weren’t going after them -people who were just as nasty as the ones they were “opposing” None of which is the same thing as “a lot Richard’s Boyfriend Thomas fans”. This is your own fault for not being specific. If you mean "people who wanted Thomas to leave" say that not “everyone I know wanted it so that means it’s everyone". If you mean “those specific, few Barris shippers that have been nasty to others” say that not “a lot of Barris shippers who took issue with Thomas’ plot in DA2″. Btw there has been, afaik, one nasty Barris anon on a Dexmas fic (and one nasty Dexmas anon on a Barris fic). I’ve heard that some Thommy shippers got some nasty anons a couple of years back, but that wasn’t me or my friends, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t paint us all with a ridiculously broad brush because of something that happened a couple of years ago, or indeed because of that one anon post-DA2. We’ve asked for receipts about our allegedly nasty behaviour post-DA2 a few times, but no-one has been able to provide any yet. But perhaps you can, since, as you say, you are talking about “a lot of people”? "Is this all Richard/Thomas shippers? No. Not remotely. It never is." Why are you singling us out then? The reason people show up on your posts to tell you that you got them wrong when you said rude things about them is because you said rude things about them, and they don’t like that. It’s hardly rocket science. If you make a post that gets several different people hurt, all of whom you then claim you weren't referring to at all, the problem maybe, just maybe, lies with your post and not those people. Calling us “Richard’s boyfriend Thomas fans” is also something many of us don’t appreciate, btw. Barris shippers are just as much Thomas fans as anyone in the Thomas fandom, and Thomas doesn’t come as like Richard’s sidepiece to us. Regarding your complaint on your tumblr blog about the reception of your reply to the op, your post was not just you making a personal post on your personal blog, but a reply to another person who asked a genuine and innocent question about the overall state of DA. You used this person's innocent question to bash a big chunk of the fandom in a very generalizing way. If you make super generalizing, hurtful statements (especially also in reply to a general question that is not asking about your subjective, personal experiences but the overall situation), people will get hurt. And your bringing up AO3 and people who "gave you attitude even before DA2" clearly has nothing to do with the original question of the OP. Nor does it have to do anything with Barris shippers. (Still waiting on those receipts.) "But a lot of people were openly, unnecessarily nasty to people who hadn’t done anything to deserve it, and they’re the ones I have problems with." You are literally complaining about people doing exactly what you yourself were doing. If this is how your interactions usually go, if people standing up for themselves when you bash them for no reason is so upsetting and nasty, then no wonder your encounters with Barris shippers have often been unpleasant for you, given that your vitriol seems to be exclusively directed at Barris shippers. Why don’t you make a similar post about Dexmas shippers, or just a post about how you don’t like Guy or DA2, see if you’ll still have only pleasant interactions with them. (Just saying that you don’t like Guy or DA2 is enough to have an unpleasant experience with at least one of them.) And, btw, we didn’t “storm off”. We quietly left a server which claimed to be “ship and let ship” but which was becoming increasingly and openly hostile towards us Barris shippers. And we are still active on tumblr and AO3, as you can see, so we didn’t even leave, let alone storm off.

Downton … has it faded away, changed beyond recognition, run its course?

I have barely seen anything here lately, though I’ve been pretty absent myself, having felt so disillusioned with the DA2 film plot that i haven’t even watched it. What seems clear, though, is that, even if JF writes another script (is there any talk of that?) Thomas Barrow is gone, finito, sparito, nada, bye-bye, so what’s the point … ?

[potatogoon]

« I'm not human. I'm from SD Planet. » ⇢ August 9th: Sangdo does a V Live and says he's from SD Planet. When I asked him if we would take us there, he said "sure". Pack your bags ToppKlass, we're going to SD Planet! 🚀🌠

[wangxianficrecs]

Tips On Making A Fic Rec Blog

*Please reblog? This post is (ironically) not showing up in the tags*

These are just suggestions for a Nonny, so please remember that ymmv!

~*~

Start with a clear idea of what your blog will feature.

Different rec blogs focus on different things. Some are more about archiving/retrieval, some include tumblr fics and twitter threadfics along with ao3 fics. Some reblog other people’s rec posts alongside their own. You might want to run a blog that only recs fics suitable for minors, or only kink, or only fic from sites other than AO3, etc. You could focus on a single pairing, or all ships; a single show or multiple fandoms. It helps if you know your focus in advance, so that you can advertise yourself.

For example, my blog only recs stories that I’ve personally read (excepting clearly differentiated Follower Recs, Fic Finders and Mood For posts). My focus is on adding my own comments/summary and my own tags to each rec, because that is what matters to me when I’m selecting a fic. (My cover graphics get attention, and they’re tremendously fun to do, which is why they’re there—I appreciate visuals!—but it’s a huge time commitment, which is probably why no one else does it.)

~*~

Keep it Streamlined

I would suggest that you not use your rec blog to just reblog random fan content (art, gifs, meta, etc.), personal stuff, current events, etc. Save that for another, messier blog. The more concise your offering is, the more people will be willing to follow it. But that’s entirely up to you.

~*~

*Always assume the author will read your rec/bookmark*

Fandom is actually a small world. Be kind and stay positive. Please don’t say things like, The story was great but the grammar/characterization was terrible. Just. Don’t. It’s so harmful. Authors do this for free, and don’t deserve to be stripped raw in public because you want to write a critical review. (This goes for your AO3 bookmarks, too, which are public by default and ALWAYS cruised by the authors.)

~*~

Tag Page - make one!

One of the most important things about running a useful fic rec blog is archiving, which means you should create a tag page (here’s a how to). Find other people’s tag pages to use as a guide, so you’re not overwhelmed by categories. I’ve used the very well-organized wheredidhiseyebrowsgo and mdzs-fic to help me figure out the best way to categorize themes, tropes, etc.

~*~

Tag Your Posts

Only the first 5 tags will show up in public tag feeds (for example, if someone tracks #wangxian, and you use that tag, they’ll see your post on their dash feed even if they aren’t following you). So pick your first 5 tags very carefully, because that’s how people are going to discover your posts. Pick tags that are popular and common, so that you’re seen.

Only the first 20 tags will show up in a dashboard search, so tags 21- ∞ are only useful within your own blog. (Actually, tags might stop at 30, these days, I’ve been cut off a few times when I go over.)

On your blog, ‘search’ and ‘tagged’ will find different posts even if all of them have your term in the tags. So when you’re making your tag page, try both of them on for size and then pick the one that pulls up the most/best options. (I usually use ‘search’.) [Example: https://wangxianficrecs.tumblr.com/tagged/3zun vs https://wangxianficrecs.tumblr.com/search/3zun]

Be consistent! Don’t tag wangxian one time and lan zhan/wei ying the next, for example, or fox!wwx and later use fox wei wuxian. You’ve only got maybe 30 tags to work with, and one tag page!

The tumblr censor-bot will often render your posts invisible to all but your followers, so be careful what you put in tags. *cough* sex acts *cough* Tags that have set off the censor-bot: #prostate exam, #role reversal, #virgin, #explicit. (ETA: this post is actually invisible to searches, probably because of this very paragraph. Sigh.) As you can see, the list is puritanical along with occasionally being simply baffling. Check your post once you’ve posted by clicking on one of the first 5 tags to see if it shows up. If it doesn’t, no one can find it except your followers, so start eliminating any tags or text you think might offend a conservative granny… it’ll show up eventually. Hopefully. Maybe.

~*~

Tumblr Limitations

Tumblr tag searches only pull up the last 200 posts with that tag. Do with that what you will. (My blog has nearly 700 recs at this point, so the common tags, like ‘wangxian’, will only pull up the recent posts.)

Tumblr will sometimes just… remove your links. I haven’t figured out a pattern, it’ll just take some out randomly from here and there. You are limited to only 200 links total (soon to be only 100 😟). So be aware.

Sometimes your posts won’t show up in searches or tag feeds for no discernable reason. If you don’t see an obvious culprit (like the word ‘prostate’), just attribute it to chaotic coding nonsense and decide whether you want to re-post (not reblog) a day or so later to see if that works better.

On your dashboard, a ‘search’ will sort through titles, some content, and tags 1-20 —whereas ‘tagged’ only covers the first 5 tags.

~*~

Searches on AO3 vs. Tumblr

AO3 has a MUCH more robust search feature, and it’ll pull up so much more than your tag page on Tumblr... due to Tumblr’s limitations, not your own as an archivist. So if you keep your AO3 bookmarks in order, you can direct followers to search those if they need more granular or complete searches.

AO3 Collections is a fabulous feature—mine is WangxianFicRecs. You can make one for your rec posts so that you and others can select and exclude multiple tags at a time. I suggest you just do a bookmarks collection rather than a works collection, because the latter requires the authors to approve their inclusion, while the former is something you control completely. @ao3commentoftheday has helpful posts on #How To AO3.

One last thing about AO3 bookmarks. This being a fandom where many authors get bullied out, I've begun adding the fic title & author to my bookmarks, so I can still find it once a work has been hidden or deleted. I also download PDFs of each work I rec, so that it doesn't vanish forever. (I don't make them publicly available, but I will share them on an individual basis unless the author asks me not to.)

~*~

These are things I’ve worked out over the entire past year, so don’t get overwhelmed, you don’t have to do all (or any) of this, and certainly not all at once.

I hope this helps, good luck, and have fun!

~ mojo

P.S. I don’t have a clue how tag pages work on mobile, since I don’t use mobile for any of this. I think it sucks, though?

[I posted this once before, here.]

[byakuyasdarling]

hiyaa ( ꈍᴗꈍ) first of all, love your selfship with bya.kuya he deserves some love 🥺 but anyways, 1. and 5. for the crush game!!

- jils-things 💚

Hello, Jil!!! Thank you so much for the ask <3 And thank you in general as well, ahaha! Someone has got to love that man ^-^ I really love seeing your art - I have seen your stuff reblogged around by people I follow, but I was always too shy to like or reblog it until we were mutuals, hehe ^-^ I think your art and ship with Jesse and Tom is super cute! I love the bestie dynamic with Tord, like that platonic stuff is TO DIE FOR.

Anyway, enough of my blabbing, let's get into it!

1. Who was your very first fictional crush? 

I crushed a lot on fictional characters when I was younger, so my memory is a little blurry on who exactly was first... but I think it would have to be the 10th Do//ctor (played by Da//vid Ten//nant).

I completely blame him for my thing for men over 6' with a suit and glasses, hehe <3

I just love his episodes and how they wrote him. I gotta admit, rewatching it without blushing once was a little hard... but it's more of a family joke now. I have an avid appreciation of his actor though ^-^

5. Who are you most ashamed of?

Hmm... Toughie... I was ashamed of a potential F/O back in December of last year because I was really worried about D//RS and was kinda preparing for a F/O drop. But that never happened, and I am super happy now ^-^

I was (and still am) ashamed as I am so touchy with topic of infidelity despite the fact it's fiction and liking multiple fictional characters is not at all indicative of those traits - my thoughts spiral very quickly.

His name is Nobu//chika Gin//oza!!

Overall, I felt really guilty for liking him in the first place, and the fact I wasn't too much of a fan of him in later seasons (I actually did not watch the movies and s3 as they weren't dubbed and he just... didn't look like himself).

I feel ashamed for liking him, but my friends say I am being really silly about it as I know my head just registers him as 'Kuya (they have so many visual and behavioural similarities... and 'Kuya's English VA for the anime is also his VA, ahaha).

-----

I hope you have a wonderful day <3

[trans-xianxian]

Hey this isn't meant as hate (sorry if it does hurt you!! truly!) & it's long so feel free to delete but I think going after other tumblrs for what seems to be (unless I'm missing context) liking a book that you don't & haven't read properly, & having ships & fandom interests you don't like, ... I just don't think it's deserved? Like these are just Tumblrs & they're not TERFs/racists or anything actually bad? I know Lise likes "dark" ships & content but unlike most calls outs there's really nothing on their blog I would call understandably offensive? And I don't know all of them but what has alice or winepresswrath ever done? As for the gayjiangcheng incident, I find it a little surreal you're claiming he threw a fit over you mocking him when I came away from that under the impression that you were the one throwing a fit over fandom hcs bc you were having a very stressful day. Okay, to back away from something that was getting meaner than I intended, I truly think this isn't a healthy way of being in fandom. I see you complaining about "fujioshis" (using an inherently racist meaning that literal TERFs invented) yet tag "mdzs" despite not wanting to interact with book fans, & complaining about fandom tropes like trans hcs, & this is just not healthy! You do have some valid points I'm not discrediting that but they're often very ill-applied! This is the perspective of someone your age: please stop creating fights on the internet & find something meaningful for yourself that isn't inaccurately applying social inequality in places where it is irrelevant. These people aren't hurting anyone, but you are sending harassment their way which hurts them, & you are hurting yourself. I'm very sorry you have experienced transphobic attacks (I have read what posts I could find that seemed pertinent) but you aren't giving others the same empathy. I'm very sorry, I'm sure you are getting a lot of hate rn over this, & I very much hope that you have a really good day when this is all over.

well for starters I'm not "going after" anybody. I'm curating my space, and I clearly state that in my post. I'm not "sending them harassment" either. I don't even want my post to be reblogged because I don't want it to be spread around and cause problems. for anybody. I'm simply trying to make it very clear what environment I want on this blog. I'm not sending any hate, I'm not being rude or aggressive, I'm not encouraging others to do those things, I'm just setting boundaries. putting out of list of blogs that I don't want people who support to interact with me, isn't the horrible attack you seem to be interpreting it as. I don't need a lecture from you about how I should run my silly little blog on tumblr dot com or what you think I've done wrong in my life. I do not know you, and you do not know me. I find it very inappropriate that you're trying to come into my inbox and tell me what actions of mine are unhealthy or what things are making me unhappy. I appreciate that you're not yelling at me and calling me names, but you've still crossed a boundary, and I don't understand why you're spending your time trying to shame somebody who disagrees with you on a fundamental level

almost everybody on that list is there because they ship incest or pedophilia pairings, or have stated that they're okay with people who do. but since that probably isn't something you'd take issue with, I'm not going to waste my time explaining what all of them did and will just elaborate on one person on the list that maybe you'll care about: ky/uhudraws literally gives asian characters yellow skin in their art. they also like h*talia

have a good day

[novantinuum]

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: Teen Audiences (TW: language)

Words: ~3K

Summary: Lars has no idea what he was expecting the moment Steven texted him in the middle of the night to ask if he could come over, but being immediately tackled in an intense vice-grip of a hug the second he opened the door probably wasn’t it.

Set mid SUF.

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten to write Lars’ POV before this, but it was really fun! If you read this and enjoy, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos/comments on AO3. Thank you! <3

____

Besides the quiet lull of the TV and the electric hum of the attic’s rickety old heater, all is silent in the Barriga household. The nighttime streets outside are vacant. Not a soul roams through his section of town, not even the newer Gem arrivals, who thankfully have been informed of humanity’s biologically mandated curfew by now. Sheesh, it’s about time.

After all, silence is peace. And in this day and age, in a world where the barriers between human and intergalactic politics are becoming increasingly blurred by the hour, peace is a gift.

Which is why having free time to play whatever old video games he wants in complete and total solitude at one AM is probably the single thing keeping him sane at this moment.

Lars’ fingers expertly flick at the joysticks of the controller as if by innate memory. It genuinely feels like forever since he’s been able to lose himself for hours in a solo campaign like this, and quite honestly, if given a choice he prefers it to any other leisurely activity. Chatting with his online friends or with that Gem gang of his is fun, sure, and working the counter at his bake shop can often be emotionally satisfying, but pushed too long and any kind of social interaction feels draining. He shifts on his bed, paying little to no attention to the slight chill against his bare chest. He’s pretty sure it’s like, near freezing outside and yet somehow it’s no more an annoyance to him than having to pause to reload an ammo clip in this game. It’s weird. Really weird. But then, at this point everything about his dumb life is.

It’s the Steven effect, he thinks with a soft scoff. Weird practically orbits him and his moms, and inevitably, every person he comes in contact with is brought into the fold. He’s a good kid, though. Don’t get him wrong. Steven always tries his best to be thoughtful when dealing with people he doesn’t understand— even when initially those people just act like dicks in return— and he for one is grateful for that, for the gift of a... a second chance. He knows full well he didn’t deserve it, (he still doesn’t), but he’s grateful.

The kid’s still on his mind when his phone lights up on the nightstand beside him, like the now familiar glow of Gems synchronizing to fuse.

(And goddamnit, does a part of him still balk almost two years later that it’s so normal to be casually relating everyday things to outer space Gem stuff anyways. What is he, with his pink hair and alien friends, the main character of an anime?)

Eyes skirt away from the grainy television set he’s been playing his favorite Immortal Combat on, and glance at the new notification.

Steven, the name at the top of the text reads. Well, lo and behold. The true shounen protagonist himself. Somebody’s ears must have been burning. Though, hmm. Come to think of it, that’s actually unusual. They pass bullshit memes back and forth sometimes, yes, but he never sends him anything this late at night.

Lars frowns, failing to obscure that annoying, instinctual worry that seizes him like the long lost sensation of hunger rising from the pit of his stomach, and scoots forward on his bed to grab his phone. What’s he want at this hour, anyways?

Steven: hey, sorry i know its late but can i come over ?

His frown deepens as he glances down at himself, clad in only a pair of boxers. He doesn’t mind having an unexpected visitor— after all, it’s not like he requires sleep anymore— but he’s not exactly dressed for company, here.

yeah but gimme a mo, he types back. kinda need to put on a shirt

Steven: k

Yawning out of sheer habit, he leans over the other side of the bed and grabs the first decent smelling tee he can find off the floor. It’s got an overlapping triangular emblem on it, a symbol from one of the game series he used to be obsessed with as a kid. He quickly shrugs it and a stray pair of sweatpants on, then returns to his phone.

decent now, he updates him.

The response is almost immediate.

Steven: be there soon

With a heavy inhale, he leans back against the headboard and begins to mentally prepare himself for the passage of One Whole Teenage Boy through the portal in his hair. For the most part he’s grown used to the changes caused by Steven’s literal magic resurrection, but not this. Who the hell knows how his pet lion puts up with it all the time. Quite frankly, how that creature has remained so docile and patient after years of interloping within Steven’s chaotic world of Gems eludes him, ‘cause it sure as hell isn’t a side effect of all the death-defying space voodoo.

Also, he’s like, 97% sure that “docile” and “patient” aren’t words anyone would pick to describe him at any stage of his life, ever.

And yet, yawning in his boredom, Lars waits.

And he waits.

And he waits.

And when eventually he breaks his stubborn streak and dares to check the time on his phone to see how many minutes have elapsed, how many minutes of his thrice-damned maybe infinite lifespan he’s wasted sitting up against the far wall of his room waiting for that kid to tumble right out of the literal inter-dimensional door hidden amidst the curls atop his head, he’s mildly surprised that his first emotional response to this delay is... dare he admits... disappointment.

It’s been nearly fifteen minutes. For whatever unknown reason, it seems as if Steven may not be coming over after all. Huh. He wonders what changed his mind. Pressing his lips into a thin line, Lars decides to check his texts. It’s possible the guy wrote something else and he just didn’t see it. But when he pulls up his latest conversation, all that comes up are the last messages they sent to each other. Be there soon, he said.

He hovers hesitant fingers over the keyboard, caught in the midst of trying to decide whether or not it’s too invasive and prying to send some sort of casual check-in, when he picks up on a very timid knock on the front door downstairs. And given the lateness of the hour, there’s really only one person it could be. He blinks for a moment, his mind still doing somersaults in order to process the mere concept of Steven not gleefully taking the opportunity to explode out of his hair for once in his life, and then drags himself up to his feet. Walks out of his attic room and down the stairs, being careful not to disturb his slumbering parents. Unlatches the locks on the door.

Truth be told he has no idea what he was expecting the moment Steven texted him at one fucking AM to ask if he could come over, but being immediately tackled in an intense vice-grip of a hug the second he opened the door probably wasn’t it.

He struggles not to stumble backwards at the initial force of the teen’s silent yet yearning embrace, eventually regaining his stability and... slowly, delicately... hugging him back. Honestly, he’s never been much of a hugger himself, but eh. He’ll give the guy this one. After a brief moment Lars gives him a few awkward pats, clearing his throat.

“Uh, Steven? You good to let go, now?” he asks quietly, still keeping his voice in a whisper for his parents’ benefit.

“Oh! Y-yeah, yeah,” his younger friend stammers, immediately pulling himself away. His eyes are drawn to the floor as he wrings his hands together. Timid. “Sorry, I just— I just needed somewhere I could clear my head tonight. Thank you, by the way.”

“No problem,” he throws back, gesturing for him to follow up the stairs. “‘S not like I ever sleep a wink now anyways. So I might as well have company.”

The two of them tiptoe towards the attic, a familiar setting for both. Steven’s been in here quite a few times before, so— already knowing the lay of the land— he plops himself down in the beanbag chair Lars keeps at the foot of his bed. They don’t talk about much of anything at first, merely passing back and forth brief updates about their lives. Small talk, nothing more. As expected though, Steven’s update is infinitely more interesting than his. Apparently he went on some mission to an alien planet with that Lapis friend of his the other day and had to deal with the attitude of some stubborn terraformers who didn’t want to stop working on their shitty old Homeworld assignment. (Meanwhile, the only update he has to offer is how he’s teaching Blue Lace Agate the art of bad baking puns while at work. Gotta leave behind some sort of legacy before he leaves with his fellow Off-Colors, of course.)

When the small talk finally dries up, (which seems... uncharacteristic, given the typical enthusiasm of his current visitor), Lars offers him a second controller.

“We can play the go-kart one, if you want,” he says, knowing full well that his friend isn’t a huge fan of all his war-themed combat games. Still, he figures the guy could probably stand to blow off a little steam. He looks super stressed, with his brow all creased and his stare unnervingly glassy.

The sixteen-year-old nods, adjusting his hands around the grips of the controller as Lars switches out the disk.

They race a few rounds in relative quiet, wholly insulated by the reassuring stillness of the night all around them, before Steven decides to open up again.

“Where do you think the line is?” he asks when they finish their current course.

His whole face scrunches in confusion. “Huh?”

“Between like, doing bad things, and outright being bad?” he continues, seemingly unaware of the comedic pulse of Lars’ initial response.

Lars blinks.

Considers these words deeply and thoroughly for a moment, as any good friend should.

And then...

“Where the heck did you pull that question from?”

Steven merely shrugs, his shoulders drooping a bit lower than they had been when he first entered his house a while back. “I dunno, just musing, ‘s all.”

The edges of his mouth curl downwards as he lets this corker of a conversation starter wash over him, not so much intended as a frown at Steven, but a frown at... whatever force of this universe would lead his friend to start musing about such depressing philosophical quandaries in the first place. Acting numb and brooding at the rest of the world is supposed to be his job, not this kid’s! And sure, yes, yes, yes, he knows he can’t exactly call him a kid anymore— at least not to his face— and that he’s been a teenager for a good three years now. It’s just that... well. For all his complaints about it earlier in life, Lars kinda grew to respect and feel uplifted by his cheery, upbeat, never-give-up-hope outlook. Dare he says, he kinda misses it.

(And for Steven’s sake, he kinda hoped he’d never discover the burnout and cynicism waiting on the other side. Alas, he fears that ship has probably sailed.)

“Sorry,” the sixteen-year-old mumbles upon noting his extended silence, his cheeks flushed with shame. “Probably not something anyone wants to think about at two in the morning. Just- forget I said anything, okay? Let’s play one more round, and then I can lea—“

Eyes widening, he holds up a hand to intercept that train of thought. “No, that’s— you asked an interesting question. Deep, but interesting. It’s fine, I don’t mind. I...”

He inhales deep, collecting his wits and whatever years of wisdom he may or may not have accumulated ever since dying and coming back to life.

“I suppose in my mind, people aren’t truly bad unless they intend to cause harm, y’know?” he begins, meeting Steven’s eyes. “You can still hurt others without meaning it, and like... that’s still not great, and you should still try and make up for it however you can, but... life’s complicated. People are complicated. It’s all a huge mess of emotions and ethics and beliefs all the time.”

He pauses, a twinge of melancholy rising within his chest as he catches a glimpse of a photograph hung on one of the wooden support beams at the far wall. It’s a selfie of him and Sadie he printed out a few years back when they were still low-key dating, one that— for the life of him— he can’t bear to take down. She’s kissing his cheek. He’s caught in the middle of laughter, playfully trying to nudge her away. They look... so young.

So naive.

(So human.)

“And sometimes it can be so, so easy to convince yourself that you’re always in the right,” he continues, quieter, “that people feeling hurt because of something you did is just their problem. In that case, it’s not that you wanted to harm anyone, it’s just... that you were blind to it, I guess.”

(And he was blind for a long, long time.)

“Like I said, it’s messy.”

Lars sighs, willfully averting his glance from the photographic reminder of all the ways he ignorantly fucked up with Sadie as a friend and partner, and with everyone in his life, making the same stupid mistakes over and over with nearly no improvement until he literally died to his old self.

“So, yeah. There. I guess that’s my opinion,” he mumbles, absentmindedly fiddling with the collar of his graphic tee. “Everyone makes bad choices sometimes, but you’re not actually a bad person unless you literally want to harm others. I don’t think people are bad once and bad forever, though,” he adds, pulling his hand away from his shirt.

Inhaling deep, he splays his palm wide, admiring those same old loops and whorls at the tips of his fingers, identical in every detail to his old, living, human self... but now pink. It's haunting, sometimes.

“People can change, y’know? If they make the effort to.”

When he finally glances back at Steven, he seems thoroughly spaced out by all his impassioned rambling, his gaze walleyed and void of any identifiable emotion. He scowls, unsure whether or not he should feel offended, and gives an exaggerated shrug to defuse the sickeningly earnest atmosphere out of this room.

“But hey, I’m biased,” he mutters, letting that instinctual, age-old self-depreciation coat his tone once more. “For all I know, everything I said could be absolute bunk, and I’m still just an asshole.”

“I don’t think you’re an asshole, Lars,” Steven finally speaks up, his expression still perplexingly unreadable.

“I—“ His eyes blow wider, the sheer frankness of this comment catching him entirely off guard, overturning all of his once-impenetrable defenses. “...Thank you. I’m trying not to be.”

The conversation doesn’t advance any further from there, both parties content to fade back into the understated comfort of silent companionship. They play a few more rounds of their racing game, Lars beating Steven handily each time. (Truth be told, he’s not confident he’s bringing his A-game, though.) Then, sometime around three AM, his friend drags himself out of the beanbag chair and announces that he should probably head home and get some rest. Apparently he’s got a lot of planning to do for Little Homeschool's graduation ceremony that’s happening in a few days, or whatever. Which, is fair. Not everyone is blessed enough to be a sleepless zombie like him.

“Y’know, it’s been nice, getting to hang out, just us,” Steven says— quiet, but genuine— as Lars leads him back down the stairs. “We should do this more often.”

Purposefully, given the unusual emotional atmosphere of this whole visit, he decides not to mention the fact that he's planning to leave Earth again when his all Gem friends finally graduate. Later, he thinks, when everyone's in a better place.

“Well, if you’re ever bored, you know where to reach me,” he replies as they reach the bottom step, fondly rolling his eyes. “The good ol’ inter-hair-mensional express. Just, y’know— text me. And not during work hours.”

The teen gives his thanks once again, and then exits out the front, making sure to be extra gentle shutting the door on his way out for his parents’ sake. Huh. Seems that even when he’s (seemingly) in a funk, he’s capable of being uber courteous like that. Goodness, how does he do it?

Lars stands motionless at the entryway for a few moments after he’s gone, staring blankly at the now empty space the sixteen-year-old just occupied. His brow furrows, his fingers curling in perplexion at his side. He doesn’t have enough insight into Steven’s inner life to claim anything for sure, but he can’t help but feel like something with that boy was... off, tonight. Like, beyond your standard teenage moodiness. His demeanor, his bizarre and specific question, his relative silence... it all seems to be pointing towards something, lurking in the background. Still, there’s little he can do for a person who’s not volunteering information. And it ain’t his job to drag it out of him, either. He always hated when his parents tried to do that when he was younger, and it almost ruined their relationship entirely. That’s the last sorta scenario he’d want to force upon Steven. He’ll open up when he’s ready, in the end.

And until then... well.

He just hopes that the kid knows that— beyond the bizarre magic portal in that pink lion’s mane— he’s always got a brother on the other side who’s willing to at least listen. To be but a small source of support.

If he wants him to be.

[musette22]

Minnie, I’m loving TFAWS and how it’s developed Sam and Bucky’s dynamic just proves how well Sebastian and Anthony Mackie get on in real life. Sam deserves the Shield and Bucky deserves to live his life. Also a massive appreciation for any fan artists out there because they have created some incredible stuff, Im studying art and design atm and I’m in love with what people create!!! But what I really don’t like is the fact that there are some people in the fandom who basically use the storyline and events in the show to drag Steve through the mud because of Shitty writing by the directors and make him the ultimate bad guy. It makes me sad because it shows how easily influenced shitty writing of a character affects the rest of how things play out and how it seems some didn’t really understand Steve’s character at all. We saw how close all of them were and how they gave us relationships between them were written to play off one another really well. Does it make me bad that I’ve basically not been going on social media when a new ep comes out because of this? Yeah probably but the discourse around him is something I’ve told myself not to get involved with, it seems to be everywhere because I know people don’t want to listen and I’ll probs end up ruining my day. The Stucky tag was always a good place to go for finding new blogs and enjoying new content that creators love putting out about Steve but lately (sigh)...I loved Steve’s character and I’ve been in the fandom since the first Iron Man film so long enough to have a good grasp on understanding what the characters and decisions are like in the MCU. I was heartbroken by so many decisions made in EG because of the directors writing, many people I’ve spoken to who are obsessed said it was an alright film but some things were out of character or did not make sense (I’ve got a whole list of you’re interested). People are moving on and growing with the content we are given but I just wish that shitty writing doesn’t define a character in the eyes of others, truly loving a character is understanding them and recognising that they were done dirty not by defining them by one thing that’s happened. The negativity is really off putting. Thank goodness for Ao3 and YOU, Minnie, this is one of the blogs I can turn to and live in the moment, I love your content because you haven’t let anything stop you from posting and plus the Evanstan stuff is such a bonus as I mainly get updates from you!! Love you Minnie and I hope you take care of yourself both Mentally and Physically. Xx

Hi darling!! Thanks for your message! I’m so glad to hear you’re loving TFATWS so far! Yeah you’re right, there are definitely folks out there who are figuring out that EG’s ending was bullshit and who are now condemning Steve as a character for it, instead of the creators. That’s incredibly frustrating, but there’s not too much we can do about that. Fortunately, there are also still plenty of people who can see the two things as separate, though! And don’t forget that a lot of people are not as invested as we are, and while they might now be saying “god that Steve was actually an asshole for leaving”, in a few months time they’ll be dressing as him again for the next costumed party, you know? Steve’s legacy lives on, while at the same time there’s now space for a new, equally unique Cap. Which is wonderful, and I believe the two will coexist just fine eventually!

The same goes for the Stucky tag, by the way: right now it’s obviously a minefield, but it’ll look very different in a few months’ time. It’ll be similar to what happened after EG, most likely (although of course I know things get a little bit harder with every setback - but this fandom isn’t going to let itself be crushed any time soon!)

In the meantime, good for you for looking after your own mental health and avoiding topics or discussions that make you feel like shit! That absolutely does not make you a bad person, I promise ❤️ You do you, enjoying the show and also reading those happy, fluffy Stucky fics (or whatever takes your fancy!) and reblogging a bunch of domestic Stucky fanart, if that’s what makes you feel good, darling! I’m glad you’re finding some comfort and a happy place in my blog, that makes me very happy too! Hope you enjoy the final two eps, and take care of yourself, okay? Lots of love! 😘

[scribblemetae]

Idk about you, but every single time when I commented on a fic with "aww I love this fic so much and I especially like the scene where xy... " I never get a replay and it honestly makes me anxious...commenting something in public is already nerve wracking and rebloging is something i don't do anymore since I've spent 2 days regreting it...i was too nervous and I nearly threw up because people can see immediatelly what I read or liked... so commenting is kinda easier since other people have to look into the comment section to find it...idk I'm dumb lmao. I started sending fanart for the authors too, because I want them to see that I appreciate what they do...I still feel bad tho since I'm not THAT great at it and they deserve more and oof...idk I feel like I'm not doing enough...

sorry if there are mistakes in that whole ass text and my little ramble 😶 What are your thoughts on all this? 🥺

sorry for the bother too omg ~ ❄️

Hello!!

Okay so, I love every single comment I get like, I get so excited when somebody leaves me one and it doesn't matter how long, small or nonsensical the comment may be I get butterflies <3 So never, ever feel anxious or worried about leaving any kind of comment.

I find replying to comments a lot harder than asks or reblogs simply because sometimes they get lost, a lot of the time I post before I go to sleep and when I wake up I can have anywhere between 10-50 comments on the post making it really really hard to reply to all of them. I also hate picking and choosing who to reply to because I don’t want people to feel i’m ignoring them and not another. If i’m on when when the comment is there I will always try to reply but I know I don’t always manage to reply no matter how hard I try, but, i’m STILL extremely grateful for the comment like, I promise every comment I’ve had has made me smile so please never question if you should comment, if I didn’t get comments I could promise you I wouldn’t post in all honestly.

The not wanting to reblog does make complete sense. Reblogs are really good for Authors but don’t feel bad if you’re unable to do so you don’t owe us anything, but if you can’t reblog or aren’t comfortable then I do think you should try and comment, but again, not always possible, I know I don’t reblog and/or comment on EVERY fic I read, but I try my best to support. Maybe if you’re not having any luck with them you could try asks on anon? You don’t every have to do that but nothing makes my heart race more than an excited anon.

Its strange for me to say because honestly I don’t tend to get people going into my fics and sending me detailed stuff on what they love about it (I have had a few here and there and they stick out in my mind but they are far in between) and thats 100% fine but I would honestly be so grateful if somebody did that for me <3

Ive also never had anybody ever send me fan art but I would DIE If somebody did that for me, no matter how good or bad the love and effort or somebody actually thinking about me and/or my fics wanting to do something like that honestly my heart would double in size so never ever feel that way baby <3

In short, you don’t have to go to far out to support writers, comments are all you have to do to make us feel good about that work and even if you dont get a reply that doesn’t mean they aren’t appreciated but the fact that you attempt to do fan art and more is actually incredible and you’re already doing a lot more for us than other people.

TL:DR, You don’t actually owe us anything, just like we don’t owe our readers anything, but the more love you give the more you will get out of writers, when people talk about TYB It makes me wanna write more. If you’re doing everything you can and everything you’re comfortable with that’s all I will ever ask out of my readers. 

I’m not really good at expressing myself so I really hope this made sense and makde you feel a little bit better, never think you’re a bother and know I adore asks like this, its awsome to be able to talk to you guys slightly deeper. 

Ily, and thank you for your support <3

[boy-above]

I get your thing about your passion for art dying out because of insufficient feedback, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve lost my love for painting I’d have four nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened four times. Seriously though, I feel like in my experience it has been an idea that I’ve gotten only from publicising my art. At some point when you put yourself out there, you begin to expect something in return for your hard work and vulnerability, but a lot of the time you get nothing, which makes you believe your artwork is not worth anything. This is obviously not true because any creation is worthy of praise and support because it was MADE, but the thoughts are still swimming around. When you set those social expectations on yourself to succeed, you lose the point of why you ever started in the first place. You are literally 23 years old. Very few artists ever get recognition in their early twenties, and if they do it’s because of luck. Even if this art thing doesn’t work out for you, you’ll be okay. You have so much time to learn and grow and understand new things, and there are so many different ways to make yourself better as you go along. I think you need to keep drawing, even if you don’t want to. You need to find why it was you loved it in the first place and go back to doing THAT, even if it means making art that you can’t post or show to others - it needs to be for you. And if you can’t get back into it, take a step back and try again. Or try something new. Or eat something and try again. It’s clear through your art that you love doing it, and I’m sorry that love has seemed to dwindle, but I promise you’ll be okay, and you aren’t going to disappoint anyone if you decide to quit. You aren’t worthless without your art.

i mean that's the thing though, i don't really know if i even like art. i haven't enjoyed doing it since i was like, 14. it's not something that happened recently, i've been disillusioned with it for a long time. i Have been doing art even when i don't want to, for a Very long time actually. almost a decade. i know my art isn't worthless, that's not really the problem. my problem is how the landscape surrounding creators has changed over the years. i was around on tumblr back when the like to reblog ratio was actually even and people reblogged art, commented on it, and yknow, appreciated it?? art takes hours, days, weeks to create and only seconds to consume. and because social media makes it so easy to consume constantly, i feel like people just don't think about the work that's put into it anymore, a lot of non-creators kind of just take fanart of their favorite characters for granted, and artists are always looked down upon for pointing it out but people don't feel the need to support us anymore and its ruining a lot of us. reblogging our commission posts takes seconds but a lot of people just don't do it.

i feel like you're kind of misunderstanding my situation a little, because i've Had support on my art before, i used to be a popular fanartist and my art could get as much as 5000 notes. people reblogged it, commented on it, said nice things in the tags, were even intimidated by me. the wildest thing that would happen actually semi frequently was that people would actually be excited when i followed them and would screenshot it and stuff. like i Had support on my art, i know what it feels like to have it, i just lost it because people forget about you once you're not pumping out artwork that caters to their specific interests anymore.

i'm very aware that the quality of your work doesn't impact how popular you are bc back when i was popular, my art was obviously worse than it is now, and even Farther back, when i was a wee lad, i was a popular total drama island fanartist as well (dont @ little me for being cringe) and obviously at 12 years old my art was TERRIBLE but i was popular back then too, because i got lucky. that's something i always want to tell new artists, working hard and improving your art isn't necessarily going to make people like it and support you, it's about luck, and even if you Do get lucky, you can lose it just as quickly, just like i did.

i know you're trying to be nice and supportive and for the most part i appreciate it but the "you're literally 23 years old" part did kind of hit a nerve with me lol, cause it feels like i'm being talked down to. i know that's not what you intended but i figured i'd be honest about it. i also wanna make sure you're understanding my situation on the matter of my commissions as well, i'm not like trying to do art for a living or anything, ive never intended to because that sounds like a nightmare. so i'm not like waiting to be discovered or something. it's just right now it's my only source of income because my life is a nightmare, and for the last couple years most of what i've been doing is commissions, people have still been buying from me even while i've been doing hardly any fanart or personal work anymore. i was just venting bc doing commissions actually Gave me a reason to keep drawing, and of course having money to buy goods and services™️ is a pretty big deal to me too. i'm just very frustrated because i have to beg people to do the bare minimum to try to help me and almost nobody does. ive lost all those fans who actually cared about me yknow. i'm just sad about it. it's easy to feel really small and like nobody in the world cares about me. i know a lot of people feel that way in the world but it shouldn't be a normal feeling. it's not something people deserve to feel. it's just like, even if people don't reblog my art anymore, buy it anymore, whatever. i don't care anymore. it's just hard to see people ignoring the only important post i reblog. call me entitled, i don't mind. but i'm gonna be honest. it makes me upset. it makes me feel mad sometimes even.

[fiore-rosewood9]

14 and 23?

Thank you for the ask kind tumbrl-er. Before I start I would like to mention that anything I say is related to personal experiences in a fandom and there is no right or wrong answer. People come in all shapes and sizes and that also means - Different sets of experience.

TRIGGER WARNING - Mentions of slurs, r*pe, p*dophilia, creepy behavior, mentions of psychological analysis on a character, personal experiences with fandoms and a long rant. If any of these disturb you, please refrain from reading this and skip this post. This is not meant to cause drama, but I had to involve them to explain my point. I also mention sensitive topics like the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, 9/11 and the r*pe of Nanking, if you are related to any of these or have someone you know who died during this time, please refrain from reading, because I was extremely emotional and cried a bit while I wrote these, because what I wrote still has an effect on me.

Again, this is not meant to bash/hate on any ship mentioned here.

This is not meant as a personal attack for anyone who ships these. Also this may be a rant, I apologize for writing a whole novel and not a short answer, but I feel passionate about what I write here. This is going to be a really long post, so I do not blame you if you don't read all of it. I am going to mention a lot of things that are not related to the ships, but they do have significance in my mind and are related to my rant. With that out of the way, my answer is under the cut -

14 - Has a fanbase ever made you ship or not ship something? Why?

Yeah, I have been forced and threatened to ship certain things, via texts which made me leave certain fandoms. Hetalia is a cespool simply because I have been in it 8-9 years and can speak confidently about what happened to me. I thought the hate and immature fans in hetalia all left by the time it was 2016-17 but nope, there are still bad apples here and there. I just try to tell them I am not here for childish games and I am not here to debate which ship is the ''best'' since that is what certain people did all the way back in 2013. I am here just to enjoy my self and reblog fan art and headcanons and talk about hetalia and other fandoms and appreciate the manga/anime.

- Ciel x Sebastien (Sebastien is just there for Ciel's soul) I mean he does care for him in some aspect and I think he said something like - "I will always be with you til the day you die, my lord". There is a normal age gap between adults, and then there is lowkey p*dophilia. How old was Ciel anyway ? 12-13? Even though he is a teen, at this age people are not really mature in many aspects. I have collegues who have what you may call ''Sugar daddies'' in the west and let me tell you, they don't really act nice to their sugar babies. Unless it is some sort of consensual sex roleplay and you are living in a fantasy with your partner, most girls and boys I see feel ''trapped'' by their words.

The sugar daddy (In rare cases mummy) exploites them for attention and tends to lash out if the baby looks at their phone and doesn't pay 100 percent attention to them and tries to buy their attention which is simply wrong. Okay, I moved way offtopic, but certain ships kinda remind me of this unhealthy dynamic in a way. I know my opinion isn't worth shit since this is the internet and everyone thinks they're the next new hot thing around here but I just see them as servent and master and more like frenemies where Sebastien would do anything for Ciel, but you see, that is kinda his job. Just like how doctors act professional and it is their job to cure/heal you if you have some sort of pain.

- Izuku Midoriya x Bakugou Katuski - (I was in this fandom for a short time and only watched up to a certain season so please excuse me if I what I say is not accurate, this is also a long rant so you can skip if you want, in the last two paragraphs I explain about the pairing speciffically) So like from what I remember Katsuki is a bully. I really despise this ship, purely because bullying to me is not something cutesy and fun that people do. It makes you wish you kill your self faster because self harm no longer works. There was this weird person on tumbrl that sent me hate through tumbrl and I made a post about them, how I was a ''bad person'' for hating on this ship. I mean, I am allowed to dislike and even hate what I want. It is not you who has went through trauma and has CPTSD is it? In my high school, even though it was an economical one, except learning Economics, Accounting, Finances and other stuff I also got to learn things like Psychology, Ethics, History and Geography.

And each subject is tough, as in - You can't pass high school if you don't know the details. Except the book that we used in school that we learnt our lessons from, we were also made to carry two other books that we used for exercises, and other than that we had books that were by different authors, we had to read, but they didn't lift our grade in any way. So I have learnt psychology and world history for 4 years in high school and I learnt world history and world geography for 3 years in middle school. And now the first year in Uni, I got to learn psychology for year too. They also made us buy 9-10 books by different psychologists and write about them. From what I hear from my americans friends and collegues, they kinda don't teach you world history, it is like unless you know all of Thomas Jefferson's favourite foods you will be failed. I don't know if this is true, but judging by how they teach what Communism and Socialism is, in the american schools, I am kinda losing hope for what americans actually know about the outside world, aka, anything that is not the US and Canada.

I am not a psychologist and I have never studied to be one, but my own problems and the problems of my family and friends made me start reading even before high school in order to self improve as a human being because I have - Fatal flaws. I also have a few mental illnesses whcih have been diagnosed by psychiatrists, but where I live, mental health and the lgbtq+ is extremely shamed. This is why I never tell anyone I go to a psychologist, because people don't understand you and laugh at you and shame you. The lgbtq is harassed and can't marry or adopt children, however, this somehow is not a hatecrime. Which extremely frustrates me since this is against human rights in my book. You can't just harass a person for their sexuality. I may not have a phd in psychology but I naturally tend to help people and listen to their problems. It seems that I also give good advice and help people well, so sometimes in friend groups I am know as the ''heart'' and the ''psychologist''. I say that because I know a lot more than 4-5 articles that I read on psychology today, healthline or verywellmind, while people nowdays read a few articles and call them selves a psychologist. I am not one, but have the skills and knowledge to be one and can spot articles with old outdated information that hasn't been relevant in the past 30 years or so.

But that is the majority of people, who concider it a mental illness and base the lgbtq on what stereotypes they see on TV and what their parents told them. The internet is made for global use and that means that anyone can write all kinds of shit and use it. However there are a lot of problems with this when it comes to psychology and psychologists and psychriatrists. Many people still believe myths and things that were proven to be wrong. For example, in my country the word - Autist/Autistic, can be used as a slur, it is similar to what the Americans have in the - N and R words. And this is extremely upsetting, because while I am not on the spectrum, I don't think anyone should be degraded and be shamed of this label. Autism is a spectrum, but here it is used to signify that someone is slow. They're not slow, their brain just works differently. But that can be used for other illneses too. I think anyone suffering from mental illness deserves the support of family and friends and a normal life. I think anyone who is a decent and kind human being deserves a peaceful life.

So in real life Bakugou x Izuku would be a crap pairing. Because bullies x their victims do not mix well. Bullies in real life are cowards. They're like predators in the jungle. They are not real leaders. They always settle for someone who is clearly weak and vulnerable (This case - Izuku has no quirks and is useless in their world) so being beaten up, emotionally and verbally bullied isn't really fun. On top of that, when a bully develops an unhealthy dynamic, other people of the group, who never oroginally bullied the victim and were neutral or even friends, go and bully the victim, because they can and they will. Usually victims are powerless and telling the teacher and sometimes beating up the bully doesn't really make the bully leave you alone and respect you. And sometimes, you end up in the hospital with a broken leg and an arm and small injuries in your chest because bullies can't handle anyone standing up to them and ruining their status. Bullies have extreme, neurotic fear of being alone, so they find other assholes and bitches like them and attack always people - Who never did anything to them to insult them.

The bullies create it them selves. No one is an easy victim, not the person who wears glasses, not the anorexic girl that sits on the first desk, not the boy in a wheel chair, not the man with a stutter, not the woman covered in scars, no one. It is also a fact that schools profit from bullies since bullies usually have rich parents that think their child is somr sort of angel when in reality their child loves to make others cry and hits them when they don't get what they want. The problem with bullies is that they are hard to stop. Sometimes telling them off works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes punching them works, sometimes it doesn't. Etc. We can't predict which bully is bluffing and which bully is serious and will beat you up. They do not realize or care that they hurt their victims, even if the victim becomes a millionaire, to them, this person will always be inferior weakling that they need to torture psychologically and make them cry. They're sadistic. Bakugou from what I remember became jealous and only stopped bullying Izuku when he became ''strong'' that means strong physically. And for boys, it is generally easier, you hit the gym and no one bullies you. But what if you are a girl? I don't see girls being more respected or feared for being muscular. It is kinda like the jock x nerd. Cute in theory, but in reality it is beyond abusive. Even if the victims kill them selves bullies do not care. They just move on to another victim and are proud that they broke someone and are not as weak as them.

America x England - (OOOOH BOY, HOW MUCH DO I WANT TO BE CANCELED, HAHA) Well, as someone who has been 9 years in this fandom, I have a long history with this pairing. I do not know if I ever explained why do I hate it so much? I have a long and complicated history with it. This where my inner historian comes in. My uncle is a professor in history, but not in our city and we are not very close but I was always interested in history, but now I am a bit skeptical when it comes to history, because you never know how someone can twist it since history is written by the winners. Whatever I say in this post, is not meant to cause drama or offend anyone. From now on I am going to use, vulgar language and this may not be suitable for some readers

This is not meant to be hateful towards people who ship it, but I hate this ship, with passion. This has to be the worst ship, in the fandom history, ever. If you want, feel free to block me if that triggers you. I don't know from where to begin, since I am going to get canceled if I speak my own personal truth and my experiences. I have read the manga when I was 13-14 and have matured since then. The hetalia fandom in the past was more different than in 2021. So like there were ship wars, fan arts, roleplaying, everyone cosplayed hetalia and homestuck since they were the biggest fandoms, Carley Rae Japsean's song Call me maybe was blasting on the radio, Gagnam style was the shit and life was good. I was young, naive, full of hope and looking for fandoms to join in, since it is was a relativly new concept for me. I did not know what these cutesy boys I saw on deviant art were so I decided to scroll down through the comments to see what it was, and I read the name - Hetalia. If you then pay me one million dollars/euro and tell me that Hetalia is going to be my favourite anime and the fandom I stay the longest in - I would have rejected the money and not believe you. Pshht, Hetalia? What does this anime about personification of countries has that the other animes don't? Well, to that question, I can't answer and still ask my self.

When I first came into the fandom I only knew about it from deviant art and from a site called - Shamchat. This site no longer exists and has a site specifically made to fill the hole of it. I roleplayed and I think my happiest years in the fandom were 2013-2015. Those were the years where I met really, really kind fans. It is like everything else went downhill and the kind and sweet fans left one by one. And I was just left with hateful immature tweens and teens who only cared about their OTP and didn't care about other fans's emotions. I apologize if this sounds like a pitful story and I am pitying me, I did not mean it to sound it this way, or as a whining. I do not like whining.

They also seem strangely neurotic if you ask them why they ship UsUk. I can perfectly tell you why I ship anything without being mean. They just straight up insult you and send you passive agressive smileys - : ) - like this and never explain why they insult you, they just curse you. I do not understand why you make America to be the top? When he is clearly a power bottom?????? I mean, if you ever look through canon manga England and him as a country in a history book you wouldn't think he is a ''uke'' (I really hate the little girls who use japanese and think they kniw the language just cause they watched the anime and think they're quirky if they saw kawaii out loud). In fanfiction he is not fleshed out, he always seemed to blush and say baka and be a boring character over all. While Alfred is this dumb himbo/bimbo character that can't put 2+2 and laughs at everything like a small child. He is 19, for fuck's sake.

He is still a child and people can mature up until 25-26. But these ages are not real ages. For example Germany is 20, even though Bismarck unites Germany in....1871 if I remember correctly? Don't quote me on that and the americans have freed them selves in 1776. So technically Germany as we know it, should be younger but isn't. And they're both still awkward babies. America doesn't have a concrete religion but from what I know, Christianity seems to the most popular religion there as for now. I don't know if Alfred (Even though he is fictional) would identify as a catholic, protestant, puritan or some other stuff but he is awkward, he has a boyish charm that Ludwig does not have. So I can't imagine these good bois being tops with experience. Usually tops/doms come with lots of experience behind their back, or at least this is what people say whom I know who are also part of the lgbtq and bdsm community. Alfred just doesn't have the vibe of a top, he is more of a switch to me, or at best a power bottom. Ludwig has a dom/top vibes but he is extremely awkward in all senses of the word. America doesn't have a concrete religion but from what I know, Christianity seems to the most popular religion there as for now. I don't know if Alfred (Even though he is fictional) would identify as a catholic, protestant, puritan or some other stuff but he is awkward, he has a boyish charm that Ludwig does not have.

So UsUk was forced down my throat ever since I can remember, I have been insulted, threatened and took 2-3 hiatuses purely due to bullying. I Really HATE, HATE, HATE - feminine Arthur. I do not know why this is the fandom's fetish, or at least used to be even though some fans still draw him that way. I really love art, I used to draw and still do. I went to classes through out almost all of my life and I know my proportions. Whether you look through normal fan art or hentai manga (Arthur has the most porn idk how or why) he always has these weird proportions.....of a malnorished tween girl. There is some porn of him either as a child (A toddler by the judgement of his body) or of Alfred as a child, and they fuck. How is this supposed to be hot for anybody? I also remember (Which is why I left amino) on amino that users were extremely childish and lied about their age. Like no, you're not 17 and a half and are ''too mature for your age'' you are 17 and that still is a minor in my book. Also in one of the translated hentai comics there is this...idk how to describe it, there is this shaving scene where Alfred becomes a man and has his first boner from what I remember, the artstyle is great, but the scene can be described a child grooming. England lies to America how boners are a horrible disease and it can only be cured if he stays next to him. He then goes to France who tells him that boners are healthy and normal at this age and is upset at England for lying to him. Then when he frees him self America smiles, laughs and pisses on top of England I think he later fucks him. Like people can try to force their weak argument over england being a uke somehow now, but Pirate England is a top, how in the hell would anyone think he is a bottom?

UsUkers also love weird fetishes and force them down your throat, and not only shame you when you don't ship the ship, they shame you when you don't have their fetish. So like people go to my dms and ask me if I want to MPREG with Arthur beign the ''woman'' in the relationships, and golden showers. I also remember leaders acting unprofessionaly towards me. Some user was sending me child porn and when I told one of the leaders they just told me it was my problem and to fuck off. It deeply upset me so I took a hiatus and when I returned I was just met with another shit wave. I think I left last year because some girl was harassing me and constantly wanted attention. I told her to leave me alone since I have lectures and can't speak to her right now and she told her friend I was ''mean'' to her and her friend started insulting me in every comment on every posted I posted, be it fan art or fanfiction I wrote. Also they can't roleplay properly. I feel like I am in 4th grade where children used to insult each other. Like what stupid (probably american white girl) thing going to tell me this time ? Hmmmm option A - Alfred says that Arthur has horrible teeth, option B - Alfred says that Arthur has horrible cooking, option C - asks for sex and wants to impregnate him even though they are both males, it seems to be quite jokes among them. I get that americans want to see their country as this buff, strong, brave, macho type, but real people have strengths and flaws. In my opinion no country is dumb, they all look after their personal interest and empires love to exploit others, it is just how it is. They basically use english stereotypes and call it a day.

Before leaving I went to another ''better'' amino where I blocked one of the leaders. I don't remember if their name was Alfie or something else but it was something like that. And another leader asked me to unblock her, mind you. I was hesitant but I did. I usually do not block people unless they share content that causes negative reaction out of me - panic attack/rise in adrenaline/shaking/desire to puke/anxiety/etc or they have been a total asshole/bitch to me in the past. So I don't have the screenshots, since I changed my phone a few months ago. I used a Lenovo one and now I have an old huawei I used to have since we don't have money for a new one. So I saved the screenshots where they started saying how Francis is a rapist and I thought we passed this phase. I told the original leader and they all seem to not speak english well but she told me that this leader thought I was mean. I mean...she joked about rape, am I supposed to text - XD LMAO YEAH THE R WORD IS FUCKING FUN, YEAH DUDE YEAH! XD LOL LMAO. From what I see, if I have explain his behavior, he just has a high libido, which is nothing to be ashamed about.

There are also different types of attraction - Aesthetic, Romantic, Sexual. And he appreciates anything beautiful. He also says that ''You can't force love on anyone'' and is generally a really sweet guy. Also from what I see he copes with his loneliness by having casual sex while Arthur copes by abusing alcohol. People cope with loneliness in different ways, for him LOVE is important and he craves intimacy. He is suggestive and says sex jokes which is relateable. He also has moments of walking around naked, and while that may be perverted, far more people have done more perverted things than him. Also Greece and Turkey have a lot more sex than France has ever had. I don't know if it is canon or fanon but I read somewhere that Greece loves sex without a condom since it excites him. France is perverted but so are many other people, if a person is assertive towards such personality he will respect the other person's wishes and not force the issue, because he understands the concept of boundaries. It seems that some fans are either too young or too stupid to understand what is common sense and boundaries. Some couples in real life suffer from mismatch in their libido which is why they go to a couple therapist and ask how they can revive their sex life.

He is not a creep. I have met old men stalking me around after school and I have had a guy at a bar putting something in my drink not knowing that I saw everything so I just left. Real creeps do not understand the concept of boundaries and the fact that people are not their sexual slaves, they crave power and dominance and love ruining people's lives, it doesn't matter who their target it, as long as they are depressed and on their knees crying and shaking in pain and fear. So yeah, rape is not something to laugh at but it seems the shitty girls that got into hetalia think it is peak comedy. With Antonio it is different, I do not like throwing the term - P*dophile around because that is a harsh accusiation but from what I remember from manga...didn't he try to steal North Italy who was a child...to marry him? He never wanted South Italy but got used to him at some point, so I am sorry for ruining all of the Spamano shippers's fantasies. He also raised him. Which brings me to the second point.

England raised America. Period. It is canon, it is in the manga, he found him as a child. England loves America because he is the first thing that did not hate him, for him. Europe in the past hated England, this is why France jokes that he is the - black sheep of Europe. He was abused by his brothers, especially Scotland and threw things at him and chased him away. Scotland is not only an abusive alcoholic though. He is more complex and loves his brother in his own way but historically England was not kind at all to Scotland. So these people were telling me that I am a wh*re because I don't ship their precious UsUk? Well guess what honey, England isn't a useless girly bottom, America is neither a top, nor a dumb guy and England most likely changed his diapers. Also why would America blow his revolution if he wanted to be free? I mean England taxed the hell out of him and was a bit of a narcissitic asshole, so why shouldn't America want to be free from tyrany?

Also for people who bring the - BUT FIORE, ENGLAND KILLED JEANNE'DARC SO THAT MEANS FRANCE SHOULD HATE HIM, YOU'RE A HYPOCRITE! - well hun, France held a grudge for centuries until he got even by helping America with Spain and Prussia to free him self from England's grasp. America was the only thing that didn't hate him because he didn't know him. He was an alone child and he finally had someone to take care of him and listen to him talk, that wasn't a human, that didn't die (Davie) and England is an introvert but he has many issues which is why to him the loss of America hurt so much. Because everyone else hated him, or at least in his mind it looked that way. Portugal was always his friend and in a rare case lover and France had a love/friend/hate relationship with him. People can make the argument that France took care of him but France was probably around 12 in human years and England looks to be around 10 when he wore that blue dress of his and when England had a bow and green cloak and shaggy long blonde hair. France still cuts off his hair to this day. While England was in his late teens 17-8 when he found America who was clearly around 5-6. Their pairing doesn't make sense from a psychological point. So I would love to not have any usuk shit in my feed. I have enough abusive people in my life who treat me like a punching bag, I don't need to get upset online too.

Alfred looks 5-6 years of age and believe it or not some children piss them selves even to the age of 10. Some have medical problems but that is not an issue for now. I have been a nanny. I have taken care of children of all ages, and they're telling me? That I should ship a ship where some guy changed another's diapers but the other guy grew up too quickly and now they are dating? IN WHAT WORLD, I REPEAT IN WHAT WORLD?Does that mean I should feel some sort of sexual attraction and would like to bang children I took care of, because they went to the gym and have what society conciders the perfect body? I guess in their mind I should. In reality somewhat every country is related to hetalia so the boundary between what is incest or not is vague. But even when usukers bring the - BUT THEY ARE NOT BLOOD RELATED? - so what, incest is still taboo and some say that since they don't have blood relation it is not incest, but this is why stepbro/sis memes are so prevelent. Since it is a taboo and taboos get some people excited sexually. Whether they are blood related or not is out of the question, Arthur did take care of him as a child.

This is not meant to cause the old FRUK VS USUK wars, but in my experience USUK fans are extremely harsh and cold, at least to anyone who doesn't ship their precious ship. It is like they can't stand anyone who simply objectivly says - I do not like this ship. Bruv, do you know how many other ships I don't like in other fandoms, and no one has given me shit or threatened to hack my computer and send people to beat me up, simply because I DON'T SHIP USUK? maaaan-Let's not forget that these hypocrites also spread lies and said that ''Himaruya said that UsUk is canon'' and there was this black and white fan art that rolled around Twitter, Facebook and other social media for a while and people believe it. I think Hetafacts or some other youtuber debunked that it was nothing but a pure lie. It should not matter what ship is canon, what should matter more is fans being civil and kind to another but no, let's insult other pairings and make people hate ships they didn't originally hate just because.

Here is another ship I don't like - Russia x China. Also another ship - Russia x Prussia, also another ship Russia x Lithuania, or Russia (Romantically) x Latvia, or Prussia x Liechtenstein (Romantically). I even met one person who shipped Sealand x England lol or England x Seychelles x France or Belarus x Liechtenstein (Romantically) I dislike all of these ships. Do you see the word hate anywhere? No, because I don't hate them? Do you know why? Well no one told me - ''I hope you die raped in shit'' and told me that I am ''r*tarded'' in my comment section on youtube because I said that I do not care about certain ships. You see I used to feel this way about UsUk too. It was meh, I don't care, I see them as father and son, because England literally raised him. Also England is proven to be a horrible neglectful father and a workholic and alcholic. This is the reason why Sealand is taken care of by Sweden and Finland.

I always saw him this way so I don't know how the new fandom just started seeing him as the gremlin that he is when he was always a fucking old grandpa gremlin, not a soft uwu useless femboy that loves sex and screams BAKA every 3 seconds and blushes for no apperent reason whatsoever. I have many things that I don't ship. For example I feel conflicted towards pairings like - China x Japan or Japan x America because the r*pe of nanking is a thing and Japan denies and while Japan may have attacked America, americans kinda rationalize the two bombs and laugh at it while if anyone mentions 9/11 they freak out. So they can joke about other countries's misfortune but if it theirs - NO,NO,NO! I think global issues should be adressed in hetalia and people should make vent/rant art. If you are an indigenous person and a white guy comes to you and asks why you wear normal clothes and he says that indigenous people only wear feathers and all, this is why we need to speak to children about racism. Or being told that being latino/a makes you ''Inferior'' somehow (IT DOESN'T), or you're black and you get told by a white person how you should go back to your home land ''with the bananas''. I can joke about my own country's problems but it feels extremely offensive if the country that did the crime (R*pe, destruction of religious monuments, statues of popular poets from my country, more r*pe, stealing boys and babies and forcing other religion on them so they can kill and r*pe their own mothers and sisters. )I do not blame their descendents for what their grandpas did to us, what I can't stand is the superiority complex they have and how they insult this country and speak in their own language like we don't understand them and pretend like nothing happened, which is why I hate a certain hetalia country with passion.

It really sucks how due to Covid the hate against asians has risen, I heard from my favourite youtubers how certain people harassed them and hurt them for ''spreading covid'' or something. Well this just horrible and we really need to re-think how we treat people who were not at fault for a fucking global pandemic. I don't know where Yao Wang would stand, since he is a fictional country but unless somebody projects their homophobia and xenophobia through roleplay or art and send me hate art, I don't really care who they are as long as their are respectful. I can't stand usuk, and I can't stand the fans. I try to block every account that has this content which sucks ass since they look like cool people but no, it has to be fucking ew ugh usuk they draw. I sometimes feel like a bitch for blocking them since they're not the same fans that have insulted, threatened and harassed me but I would like to not blow my chances and risk ever talking to them. If you want to, you can call me a hater, a basher or anything, I don't care.

In a way everyone in hetalia is related but lets say that I do not have concrete hate over this ship but the serial bullying I received from fans over the years. Which is why I ship things like Seychelles x Iceland or Hong Kong x Iceland and I can't choose. Usually when UsUk fans ''defend'' their ship they have two arguments - It is cute and - the revolutinary war and how much england missed him. Two people may look cute together but would their emotional maturity and personalities match? These are important questions, which is why for me Gerita personalitywise, matches but the emotional maturity gap is way too much. For UsUk America lacks basic emotional maturity, raises his tone, cuts off people when they speak, weird obsession about being a hero and a tiny bit of narcissism here and there, he overly trusts him self which can cause as much problems as someone who doubts them selves. England is in another place mentally is honestly much better off with anyone else that is not America or Canada. Portugal, Spain, France, Russia, Japan,etc. America also has more developed friendships with countries like Russia, France, Siciliy and probably Japan and Vietnam. I think he can date Lithuania for me their dynamic is so wholesome and pure and everything click together. Russia also works but some people are put off by it due to the cold war. RusAme/UkFr is much more than just love/hate relationship, I don't know why people have the impression that they constantly fight and make up. Normal couples don't do that. Whether it is incest or not it is debatealbe. I have seen dynamics like theirs and let tell you that these people always ended up divorced.

I will share some quotes from people on different social medias I have found that describe it better than me -

Quote number 1 - from fanpop

"USUK is actually one of my most hated anime pairings followed by Spamano a few places behind for the same reason. The thought of raising a child as a son/brother only to bang him when he's older is nothing but disgusting and makes England seem like a pedophile for "falling in love" with the child he adopted and raised. I honestly can't understand why so many people insist that America and England aren't brothers and that the pairing isn't incest when Himaruya, the anime director and characters in Hetalia have confirmed that America and England are indeed brothers. Some USUK fans claim that America's independence makes them non-siblings. That's just ridiculous. Even if America would say "I don't want to be your brother anymore" directly to England, it still won't make any difference and it certainly doesn't change the fact that America was adopted and raised by England. If the USUK fans want to ship this pairing, it's fine, but denying that the pairing is incest is just annoying. It makes it seem like they think incest is gross, but desperately try to deny that USUK is incest only to continue shipping it or to keep telling themselves that USUK will be canon, which will never happen just like (unfortunately) every other Hetalia pairing except (possibly) AusHun.''

Quote number 2- from deviant art

''t's this reasoning that made me think back to all the Journal reads, essays and editorials many of the Anti UsUk fans write about why they hate the pairing. They usually mention about the pairing being incest, pedophilia and/or not cannon. While all of those might be true, I think there's more reasoning to why UsUk usually never works. It isn't to say those shouldn't be mentioned, because they should be, and I will mention them. First off, incest. Yes, UsUk is incest, but not because they share blood, but because they're BROTHERS. The fact that England adopted America should not be anyone's excuse for why it's not considered incest. Incest means sexual relations between people classed as being too closely related to marry each other. The definition of related is belonging to the same family, group, or type. Neither of these say anything about sharing blood, or having to be born from the mother's womb. If your parents divorced, and your father married another woman, who becomes your mother, she would be considered related to you, since you both belong in the same family. America and England are brothers, they're family, they belong in the same family, and even share the same family name (Don't believe me? Britain's full name is United Kingdom of Great Britain, just like America's full name is United States of America, which was declared by Acts of Union in 1707 before the Revolutionary War. Coincidence? I think not 📷). No, I do not count their human names, since they're mainly names used for the fanbase to use. Now, for pedophilia, that's the one that can be questioned. On one hand, if England and America are shipped when both are adults, then it shouldn't be considered pedophilia. On the other hand, they are about 800-700 years apart. Though, the same could be said with America and other countries like Japan, Ukraine and Belarus. While America may not be the youngest country, technically speaking, he's certainly the youngest most powerful country. So, if anyone in the fandom is going to pair up America with anyone, male or female, that country is most likely going to be thousands of years older than him. So, do I consider UsUk pedophilia? Well... not if America is already a grown adult. So, unless there are fanart or fan fictions with England being sexual or flirty with kid or youth America, pedophilia isn't really the big issue (especially since I haven't seen pictures or fanart of England being sexual or flirty with kid America, and are perhaps the only brotherly pictures and/or fan fictions I can find of England and America). Being that everyone knows that UsUk is CERTAINLY not cannon, I want to go more deep into why I feel UsUk doesn't work. Let's set aside the fact that it is incest, and look at this pairing from a realistic standpoint. I want to start from the bottom up, which would be the back story of how England's and America's relationship started. Why is this relationship so memorable, and considered adorable? Why does it work so well? To put it simply, the relationship between England and America is very relatable. They both reminded me of my two brothers, and my dad and my uncle. It's the story of the little brother, who looked up to the older brother as the greatest thing on earth; the most perfect person in the world. He could never think of anyone else that could be compared to his older brother. Then, suddenly, that little brother grows up and realizes that his older brother is a compete jerk, or isn't as perfect as he originally thought. Usually, this is hard for any little brother to grasp, and, once he does, the relationship between him and his older brother starts to friction. They no longer share the same relationship they once had. Little brothers can relate to America in trying to grasp and understand that his older brother wasn't the big, perfect person he once thought, when he says, “you used to be so big.” At the same time, older brothers can relate to England in losing the innocent little brother that thought he was the world, then having to watch him grow up, and turn into a complete

jerk himself, or lose his innocence. It isn't that England never saw any flaws in America, even as a little kid, but it's hard for him to watch those innocence and naiveness suddenly flushed down the toilet. Now, America is surpassing England, and England now needs America to help him at times. From what I've seen from my brothers and uncle, it's very hard for an older brother to admit he needs his little brother's help, that there might be things his little brother knows more than him, and to actually call or go to little brother for help. This is continually seen with England and America during World War 2 where America volunteers to help, and England continually refuses, but yet seems to need the help (this is especially seen in the Blitz series). When anyone takes these two characters, whose relationship represents and older and younger brother of our generation, then turns it into a gay relationship, it completely ruins the amazing buildup that Hidekazu Himaruya was intentionally going for. It's not that gay relationships are not relatable, but the one that's made in the UsUk fandom isn't something that gay couples can relate to. Turning something that was never intended to be a gay relationship into one is actually the reason why there are gay men and women that dislike yaoi. It's not only a misrepresentation of England and America, and their relationship, but it's a misrepresentation of gay relationships in general. That's mainly where it boils down to why I dislike UsUk. Yes, homosexuality is one of those reasons, being that homosexuality was VERY looked down upon back during World War 2, especially during the colonial days (if you were caught in the act of homosexuality, you'd most likely be kicked out of the city and, if not, be beaten by countless cowboys, then killed, and those cowboys would get away with it, not being punished for said act even if they were caught). More than likely, England and America were homophobic back during those days, since many Americans and Englishmen were completely against homosexuality. It wasn't until around the Cold War, or during the 1960's, when the world started changing their viewpoints. Though, with that aside, UsUk, to me, just can't work with the back story and buildup of the show. Though, the same should be said for many yaoi fandoms in general. Many of them just don't work with the cannon buildup set for the two male characters. If people try to pair America and England up, keeping the cannon story line of their relationship, it comes out as unrealistic, and a misrepresentation of gay relationships, the relationship between England and America, and history in general. It isn't to say that nobody should write UsUk. In my opinion, whatever shipping you want to use is completely up to you. Though, if you want to write a UsUk fan fiction, it needs to not ruin the cannon relationship buildup set for England and America. In other words, I don't want a UsUk of any type to use the same cannon back story from the Hetalia series, otherwise it just becomes very unrelatable, and ruins the intended relationship buildup between England and America as older and younger brother. Anyways, those are my thoughts on UsUk, and why I don't like the pairing in general. You can agree or disagree, but I wanted to get my thoughts out. You can let me know in the comments about your thoughts on UsUk. I'm interested in knowing what your thoughts on the fandom, whether you're a UsUk fan or completely against the pairing, like me.''

23 - Have you ever had a ship become canon, but you didn’t like how it was portrayed?

- Korra x Asami (It looks rushed and I think Asami deserves better, in my eyes Korra constantly changed relationships and has immaturity issues, I watched the show a long time ago tho)

- Light x Misa (Misa deserved someone who cared for her)

- Erza x Jellal/Gerard (Erza deserved better, the guy looks like he is an extra or made of plastic)

- Ban x Elaine (I really dislike this ship, I read some articles about Japan and I do not know if this real/legit and please excuse me if I spread misinformation, but from what I read, some people said that Japan has p*dophilia problems. Certain mangaka or their word for the comic/manga artist, put loli characters on purpose to please a certain fanbase that likes this type of content. I look like a loli somewhat because I have small frame while other girls matured on body way too fast, I remained skin and bones up until the age of 19, after that I somehow started to gain some weight on my legs but that doesn't mean I am still not short and skinny on my upper body. Old creepy men, asking where you live and asking you sexual intimate questions when you just want to buy you self some dinner after school, isn't my idea of fun. Which is why - 100000 years but has the body of a loli is bullshit. There are older women who have smaller bodies but no matter how young you look, every human being starts developing wrinkles and hair falling at some point in their life. They may be small, but they surely don't look like lolis.

[marmolady]

Growing Pains: Part Three

PART ONE     PART TWO

Main Pairings: Estela x MC/Taylor (f)

Summary: Post-ending. For Liv and her mothers, Taylor and Estela, a turbulent period of transition is afoot. Set primarily in the distant future of 2033.

Word Count: 5678

More Liv fics here: Livita, Teething Problems,  Milestones and Memories, Mutual Comfort,  All That Matters

Reviews and reblogs are hugely appreciated!

Tagging: @brightpinkpeppercorn, @mrsmontoya, @saivilo, @edgydepressedchoicesthot, @sceptilemasterr, @quinnkellys-wife, @greengroove 

La Huerta, 2033

The sun slowly began to set, and a cool breeze came in from the sea. The reunion was in full swing, and Taylor, had found her way poolside, the traditional centre of all activity. The energy all around her was wonderfully refreshing after all the time she’d spent hiding herself away from the world; the sounds of the most familiar of voices as her friends caught up with one another, therapeutic. She was far too much of an extrovert to isolate herself; she knew that now.

Sitting down at the bar, it only took a few skilled flourishes of bottles before Raj was handing her a signature drink.

“It’s been a little while since I’ve had one of these,” she laughed. The joys of pregnancy. Worth it, but she’d be lying if she wasn’t a little relieved it was all over in time for the reunion. “Mm, that’s fruity! And just the right amount of kick to it. I say this every year, but you really do know me.”

“Another happy customer at the BhandarBar? You know there’s nothing I’d rather hear!” Raj beamed. He came around the bar and sat beside Taylor, sensing a need in her. “I feel like we haven’t hung out in ages-- last time I saw you, you had a baby on board. How has life been treating you, Taylor, my friend?”

“Oh, you know. My whole body gearing up for looking after baby, and then trying to tell it ‘no, that’s not what’s happening, here’; that’s been a bit of a challenge. My mood swings have been epic. I know she already did deserve one, but christ, Estela deserves a medal. Liv as well. I swear I’ve been like a walking hormone or something.”

“Well, if you need someone to lay it all on….”

He didn’t even get to finish. Taylor had her arms around him, hugging him tight. Where the tears were coming from now, she didn’t quite know. Maybe it was just a release of everything she’d been carrying these past months. But come they did, thick and fast.

“That’s it, bro. Let it all out. I’ve got plenty of shirts if you get boogers on this one--”

Taylor spluttered, laughing until she made herself choke and cough. “I don’t even know why I’m crying! That’s just me right now. A little bit useless.” Well, if you talk like that, you’re gonna be sobbing all night.

“You? Never. We have witnesses! You are definitely not useless. You just need a bit of Taylor Time right now. You’re allowed to take some Taylor Time.”

“For how long?” Taylor sighed. “Liv’s only nine-- sorry, nine and three-hundred-and-sixty-four days. That distinction is important to her. But she needs me. My body’s all geared up to be a mom, but with Liv I feel like I just can’t do anything. Some days I couldn’t even get out of bed.”

“Trust me. I’ve had those days. You know I’ve had those days. And listening when your mind and body need a rest isn’t a bad thing. If Liv was feeling the way you were, what would you have her do?”

Taylor pouted. “Who told you you could use my double standards to pep talk me? Fine! I’d tell her to be kind to herself. Every time.”

“So. What are you going to do?”

“Be… kind to myself,” Taylor said begrudgingly. Damn you, Raj. I can’t argue with that logic.

“We’re going to home-school Livi. For a year, use that time to reassess where we want to be in life. I’m a little nervous, but… I like that I’m going to be more proactive in her life. I’m glad I had Michael; having him was one of the best things I’ve ever done, but I want to be able to put my energy into Liv, and Estela, our little unit. Mostly, I’m excited. I am so, so ready to feel like a mom again.”

“Aw, Taylor-baby, you always were. But I getcha, sometimes you kind of lose a part of yourself in all that life throws up. And whatever life wants to throw at Liv, you guys got her back. She’s done all right for herself with you two.”

Exhaling, wiping away those stupid tears-- hadn’t she cried enough?-- Taylor nestled into a warm hug. Raj was a talented man, but no more so than in his ability to make everything feel all right. Together, her family had weathered many storms, and their bond would carry them through any still to come.

  _____________________________

La Huerta, 2027

 A resounding crack of lightning had Liv dive under the blankets, shaking in her Batman pyjamas. To her, it felt as though the storm had been raging for hours. Never had she heard the sky sound so angry. She burrowed under her Mama Estela’s arm.

“Mommy, it’s so loud,” she whimpered.

“I know, mija,” Estela said gently, stroking her four-year-old daughter’s hair. “But it can’t hurt us in here. Our house is strong and safe.”

The creaking of wood in the wind made Liv nervous. If the house was safe, why did it have to complain so much? Was it trying to scare her?

“It’s okay, Livi-sweetie,” Taylor soothed. “We’re all gonna sit this one out together.”

The family trio were sharing the big queen-size bed, Liv tucked up snuggly between her two mothers. There had been no talk of attempting to settle Liv in her own room; she was distressed, and that meant she could take security in the maternal bed.

As the howling wind became a frightening roar, Liv whined softly. At the foot of the bed, the little dog, Fenix, was sleeping soundly. Fenix didn’t have the best of hearing, which on this occasion struck Liv as quite lucky. The cat, Madam Mierdita, seemed more grumpy at the disturbance than frightened, growling and changing colours with every scary rumble.

“Hey, Liv,” Taylor said cheerily, hoping her easy tone would lessen the tension, “Knock, knock!”

Liv peered over the covers. Was now really the time? She’d humour her silly Mama Taylor. “Who’s there?”

“Europe.”

“Europe, who?” Liv asked, then her eyes went wide and she gave a shout of laughter. “Ha! You’re a poo, Mama Taylor!”

“No, you’re a poo!” Taylor chuckled. Saved, once again, by some good old fashioned toilet humour.

Estela rolled her eyes and shook her head exaggeratedly. “Oh, cariňa, you blow me away with your comedic wit.”

“Yeah!” Liv affirmed enthusiastically, apparently still oblivious to the art of sarcasm. “It was super funny!” She flinched at another crash of lightning, but didn’t hide under the covers.

“Well, my fan club, here comes another one!” Taylor smirked at Estela’s dramatic groaning. If it eased Liv’s fear, they could and would do this for hours. “Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?”

“I dunno, Mommy. W-why?” Liv asked, her voice wavering as a rumble of thunder seemed to shake the very earth. But if the world was ending, it would surely wait to hear the rest of Mama Taylor’s joke first.

“To get to the bottom!”

On queue, Liv squealed with laughter. “You said ‘bottom’!”

“You know, Taylor, I’m sensing a theme here.”

“Hey-- toilet jokes aren’t my favourite, but they’re a solid number two!”

“Dios mío! Why do I feel like I’m in for a long night?” Estela reached to tickle Taylor’s belly, which served to push Liv ever deeper into her giggle fit. She could never adequately express just how grateful she was that their daughter had that gorgeous dork to see her through the scary times. Don’t you ever change, mi amor.

The storm raged on. Cocooned together in their humble sanctuary, the small family saw it out-- or at least, Taylor and Estela did. Liv nodded off amid the thunder and the lightning, the wind and the rain… safe in her mothers’ arms.

 _______________________________

 La Huerta, 2033

 “Livi-- be careful!”

“I am careful!” Liv hollered down from a towering palm tree. She had everything under contro--

There was a thud, and the squeak of breath being forced from Liv’s lungs as she hit the ground hard.

“Ow.”

Taylor rushed over, but her view was quickly blocked by young Isla, who had gotten there first.

“Where are you hurt?”

“I’m not hurt, Isla. See?”

“Did you hit your head?”

“No.”

“How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Three.”

“Can you move all your arms and legs?”

“Yes!”

“On a scale of one to ten--”

Taylor cut in, feeling simultaneously relieved and incredibly fond of her friends’ little nurse in training. “Thanks, Isla, sweetheart. I think we’re good from here. Right?”

Liv scowled and jumped to her feet as if nothing had happened. “I’m fine, Mom.”

“Oh, Livita, foiled again by your old friend, gravity?” Estela laughed from her comfortable spot on the beach. She’d seen Liv through enough bumps and scrapes to know when there was nothing to worry about.

Taylor snorted, and ruffled Liv’s short hair. “Gravity’s a bitch. Try and respect her in the future, okay?”

Gravity wasn’t just a bitch. Gravity was Liv’s nemesis. A literal pain in her ass. Someday, Liv had decided, she was going to get a pilot licence like her Uncle Jake. That would teach bloody gravity.

A yell distracted Liv from her plotting.

“Hey, Livia! Livia!” Reggie hollered as he pelted up the beach. “The big tortoise came back! Diego said we can feed him! Quick!”

That got her attention. The past two years, the mighty Shore Guardian had lumbered into their midst during the reunion, and it had been an incredible thrill. In an instant, she was off and running.

“Liv, when I say to be careful…,” Taylor started.

“I know!” she called over her shoulder, “ Actually be careful. But you know I’m not scared of some old Shore Guardian, right?”

The tortoise was colossal. Built like a tank; the peak of his pyramid-like shell reached the height of a man. It had come as an immense relief to everyone when the creature started appearing on La Huerta’s shores, that he was of a docile and placid disposition.

“Helloooo there, Shelly!” Liv called, clambering up and over the rocks, a bunch of glowing flowers in her hand. “I brought you a snack.”

“See,” Diego said from his perch, overlooking the beast, “I told you he’d come back. He’s pretty smart. He must know that the reunion happens every year, and that the reunion means kids bearing flowers. I think you’ve started something, though-- the Vaanti kids are all over this guy when he hangs near Elyys’tel.”

“He’s less scary than the yeti-bear. I like the yeti-bear, but Mom and Mom say I’m still too young to give her a pat. Do you think I should make friends with the Sea Guardian next?”

The Sea Guardian was rarely observed. It was something like a plesiosaur with scales all the colours of the rainbow, and even after more than a decade since Cetus’ demise, it seemed as though the monster was only gettng larger. Sighting the beast was something of a badge of honour for young Vaanti, with the bolder among them daring to touch its back-- some even managing to take loose scales when the beast was shedding. There had only been a few serious injuries over the years, but the practice was largely frowned upon-- especially by those old enough to remember Cetus’ wrath. If there was one thing everyone agreed upon, it was that they did not want another Cetus.

Diego chuckled nervously. “Better stick to old Shelly. He appreciates your friendship.”

“Yeah, Livia, you should look after the friendships you’ve got,” Reggie said, huffing and puffing as he came over the ledge. “It’s not like you’ve got many.”

“Hey!”

“Was I insensitive again?” he asked sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“A little,” Diego said. “Why don’t you come closer and feed Shelly with Liv?”

Reggie eyed the hulking beast. “No… no, I’m fine just watching. A good scientist never interferes with wildlife. You know Jane Goodall used to feed chimps bananas? But that was like… years and years ago. Now we know that is not the best way to science.”

“Whatever, Reggie,” Liv laughed, “but don’t cry to me when I’m Shelly’s best friend.”

Down on the sand, Liv could feel the enormous presence of the giant tortoise as he towered over her, sniffing.

“Good boy, Shelly. You wanna flower?”

Diego watched her, ready to swoop down and pull her to safety if the beast appeared bothered. “Good job, Livi. Nice and slow so you don’t freak him out. Like… like you’re Hiccup and he’s Toothless.”

Liv chuckled, and peered into Shelly’s mouth as it gaped open to take a flower. “I think he is toothless.”

“Yeah, but I bet his hard mouth could break all the bones in your hand!” Reggie piped up.

“Shelly would never,” Diego assured. “He knows better than to bite the hand that feeds him.”

The tortoise gave a rumbling grumble of pleasure as he swallowed a flower.

“How have you guys been recently?” Diego probed, keeping it light, but knowing that life had recently been a rough ride for the kids. “I heard Maia moved schools; that kind of sucks. She was pretty great.”

She was pretty pretty, Liv thought, though she kept that to herself. “I’ve been really sad and lonely. But it’s all better now-- we’re all back here! No mean dumbasses. I wish Maia didn’t have to leave though.”

“I decided I don’t like getting in fights,” Reggie said. “I am now officially a pacifist. But… I guess I’ve gotta make exceptions if people are gonna say stuff about my sisters. They’re only little. They can’t stand up for themselves.”

“Better stick to fighting with your words, Reggie,” Liv said with a little smirk. “I have never seen such a weak-ass punch in my life….”

“Hey, I did pretty good!”

“If I hadn’t jumped in, they’d still be mopping you off the floor now,” she laughed.

“Well, maybe I’m better at more important things, like actually using my brain! You should try it sometime.”

“Okay, okay,” Diego intervened. “Easy, kids! You don’t want to freak old Toothless out.”

Liv looked up at Shelly. He was calmly chewing on the last flower she’d offered him, not batting an eyelid at the raised voices.

“Tio Diego,” she murmured. “Can I tell you something? And Reggie-- you can know too.”

“Of course, you can, Liv.”

“Well… it’s kinda… embarrassing. But I know you won’t laugh. Not when it’s important. I like liked Maia. I thought everyone would laugh at me if they found out I had a crush on a girl. I know it’s not something to be ashamed of, but I was still… too scared.”

“You’re telling us now-- that takes a lot of guts,” Diego told her. “It is scary. You never know how people are going to react. Most people are pretty cool these days, but it only takes one mean person to make you feel sad and small.”

Liv climbed back up onto the rocks to sit by her uncle’s side. “Yeah. Some of the kids already teased me about my moms. I thought there would probably be at least one mean person.”

“That’s fair,” Reggie concluded. “I mean, you’re probably right. If they were jerks about Erin, probably they wouldn’t be any nicer to you. They already think you’re kinda weird.”

Diego put an arm around his niece, and she leaned close. After all these years, he could always tell when she needed a hug. “Coming out and showing yourself to the world should always be on your terms. If you didn’t feel ready, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. It means a lot that you feel comfortable enough to share with me.”

“Of course! You’re my tio. I can tell you anything. Even the things that are just silly and annoying… you listen anyway.” Liv sighed, and threw down her last flower to the great, lumbering tortoise, who scarfed it down eagerly. “I’m sad that Maia is gone. I thought eventually I’d be brave enough. I can be brave with stuff like protecting people who need help, but feelings are harder.”

“Feelings can be the absolute hardest. But we’re on your side, whenever you’re ready to share them. Me and Varyyn, and Reggie, and your moms. Your moms are so proud of you, you know? Being sensitive and caring can be tough, but those feelings are what make you strong. Your Mama Taylor told me you’ve been helping her get up every day when she’s been feeling really down. You make a difference-- a good one. You don’t have to be brave enough for everything all at once.”

“Thanks, Tio. You’re smart. No wonder you wrote like, two whole books. All teachers should be as nice as you.”

“Well, I do my best. And in the end, that’s all you really can do. Do you remember from Cinderella? ‘Have courage, and be kind.’ I’d say you’re both pretty good at that already.”

  ______________________________

La Huerta, 2031

 Seven-year-old Liv reached out her hands to a stricken bird as it flailed in distress. The sound of it being slammed against the window of the house by a larger, more aggressive foe had made her all but jump out of her skin, but if something might be hurt, she had to get over her fright quickly and help.

“Hello birdie…,”she cooed. Her fingers gently stroked the feathers on its back. It stopped flapping, but its breathing was laboured, as if it was struggling for air. Blood had risen from its eyes and nose. “It’s okay… I’m a friend.”

Gently, Liv scooped the wounded animal into her hands and cradled it, crouching over the grass in front of her home.

“Tio Diego! Varyyn! I need help!”

Of course, her uncles came running. They were never far away when tasked with keeping an eye on her; by now they were too well aware of her propensity for wandering into mischief not to be.

“Livita, are you okay--”

“Tio, she’s hurt. I think she’s gonna die. This great big bird got her and hit her against the window.”

Diego was pretty sure Liv had heard the talk about not touching wild animals, especially if they were injured and likely to lash out, but the reminder could wait. One look at the bird told him it was not long for this world.

“She is dying,” Varyyn confirmed, sadly. He exchanged a look with Diego. “It’s very sad… but we must make sure she doesn’t suffer.”

Liv sniffed. It wasn’t fair. This little bird used to hang around their home, foraging in the garden Mama Taylor had grown. They liked hearing her singing and calling to the other birds.

Varyyn squeezed Liv’s shoulder. “We’ll give her a minute to see if she fades away on her own.  Do you trust us to do what’s kind for your friend?”

“Yeah… but I don’t want to leave her. I think she’s less scared with me holding her.”

Diego put an arm around Liv. “That’s good. You’re making her feel safe. Everyone deserves that. Just keep talking to her, okay? Hopefully, she’ll go peacefully.”

“It’s okay, birdie,” Liv whispered. “You’re not alone now. You can go to sleep.”

The bird gave a few more rattling breaths, then was still.

“Tio Diego… I think she’s died.”

“Yes, she’s gone, mija. You did amazing.”

Liv wept, held by her uncles.

“Death is always hard,” Varyyn said gently, “even when it’s kind. You always feel the hole where there was once a life.”

“S-she shouldn’t have died! She wasn’t hurting anyone… o-or doing anything wrong… she was just in that other bird’s way.”

“I know. It sad, and it’s not fair at all. But you made her last moments so much better; that counts for a lot. Everyone dies sometime… all you can hope for is that you go feeling loved, and you made that happen. It’s like… the circle of life. Nature can be really cruel, but that doesn’t take away the good bits. This little bird probably helped lots of plants spread their seeds.”

“Yes. Even if your friend’s life was short; it had great value.”

Liv raised her head, eyes wide. “Her body becomes the grass, right? Like Mufasa said? She’s got to at least get to be part of the circle of life if she can’t live anymore.”

“Yeah… yeah, that’s pretty much how it works. If we leave her body somewhere nice where it won’t be bothered, she can feed the earth.”

“Okay. I wanna do that, then.”

A sombre procession carried the little broken body to the edge of the meadow. Liv laid the bird beneath a bush and draped her body with a fallen leaf. Then, she sat and looked over the resting place of her friend, tears filling her eyes. Varyyn was right; already there was a big empty hole. An echoey feeling right in her heart. Liv would miss hearing the bird’s chirruping as she played around the garden with her Mama Taylor. Hopefully, she’d remember that, not just this sad, sad feeling… of knowing she couldn’t protect an innocent, of seeing a life fade to nothing. Mama Estela told her that was important. That nothing should ever take away what was beautiful about something or someone once they’re gone.

She got to her feet, brushed off the dirt from her hands, then slipped one into Diego’s.

Bye, bye.

  __________________________

La Huerta, 2033

“Penny for yours?”

Estela sat down beneath an old familiar banana tree, settling beside Taylor, who appeared to be a million miles away.

“Oh… I was off in my own world, wasn’t I?”

“Yes, it looks that way. But you looked happy.”

“I am. Just being here has been a breath of fresh air. I feel like I’m me again, and it’s been a long time coming.”

Estela gave a contented hum and rested her head on her wife’s shoulder. “I’ve missed happy Taylor.”

“Well, thanks for sticking by and waiting out for her. Happy Taylor appreciates it.” Taylor chuckled at the sound of Estela’s quiet laughter. It was infectious. Hell, just Estela’s smile was like the embodiment of sunshine, it made coming out the other side of her dark cloud all the more glorious. “I think we’ve got our Livi back. Or I think we’re on the right track.”

“I know we are. It’s been a slow decline… I don’t think I even realised how miserable she’d gotten until I saw her snap back to how she should be.” Estela shrank in on herself. What excuse did she have? She had one job; to keep that kid happy. She didn’t have a war to contend with, or the struggle to get by between pay-checks, and she still couldn’t manage it. “I should have done better. I’ve been trying… I’ve been trying so hard… but somehow I couldn’t make everything better for her. Or you.”

“Don’t you even think about it! No.” Taylor pressed a fierce kiss to Estela’s temple. “We hit a few bumps in the road, that’s all. I wasn’t counting on an intense case of the baby blues… or what might actually have been full-on post-partum depression. The timing was unfortunate; really, it sucked. But you carried us through. When Liv got suspended and I couldn’t fucking stop crying because I just couldn’t handle it, you did handle it. You’re pretty great. Ask Raj; he gave me a magic pep talk earlier, I’m sure I could rope him into a repeat performance.”

“Thank you. You’re good at putting things in perspective, I’ll give you that. I know I set my bar too high. Just because Liv has her struggles, doesn’t mean I’ve failed… it means she’s a human being. And that’s probably what we were aiming for….”

Taylor giggled. “Godammit, my otherworldly influence has been foiled!”

“Actually, while we’ve got a chance to talk… I was speaking with Aleister earlier.”

“Yeah, I thought I saw you two hanging out.”

“Well, it seems like we’ve inspired him and Grace. Reggie’s not going back to that school next year either. It sounds like Livi’s gonna have a homeschooling buddy here on La Huerta!”

“Oh, wow! Ohmygod, that’s perfect! It’ll be just like old times; almost half the gang back home again. And… and the girls? Are they waiting a year, or are they going to teach them as well?”

“You’ll have to ask them, but it sounds like they’re going to get started with Erin and Immy. It’s going to be so good for Liv.”

“Yeah. Really that’s… that’s wonderful. God, I’m so happy right now!”

Estela found herself laughing. Her dork was back. She took Taylor’s hand. “And then, moving forward, Aleister says they’re considering a permanent move to San Trobida-- obviously under the assumption that we’ll be heading in that direction ourselves.”

“Oh my… holy crap!” Taylor flung her arms around Estela and hugged her tight. Something in her knew right away… yes, that’s right. That’s where we’re all meant to be. That gut feeling overshadowed any qualms or fears. “Tio Nicolas is really not gonna know what’s hit him, hey?”

“No; and I think it will be a dream come true.” Nestled in Taylor’s embrace, the scent of her mingling with the La Huerta sea air… it was, to Estela, the very essence of happiness. The excited yells of children at play had her look up over her lover’s arms; there was her Livita, piggybacking little Erin through the shallows while the terror, Immy, sent up wild splashes of water at their faces. It was time to try something new. For them.

“Aw, ‘Stel, just look at them!” Taylor snuggled in, a giddy grin on her face. She needed a change, and she had a feeling that for her, for Estela, for Liv… it would be a step towards their best lives. The year to come, and even beyond that, was to be a thrill ride of the most exhilarating kind, and they’d take it on hand in hand. She exhaled her fears and sadness, and let the wind carry them away. “I really love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too, Taylor. Forever.”

 _____________________

Midnight over the Celestial. Or rather, two minutes to midnight. The countdown to Liv’s tenth birthday was on, and the kids-- save for the two little ones who’d long been in bed-- were just about hanging onto the non-grumpy side of overtired.

Ten years. How could that even be? Taylor could see the years in her face and Estela’s, but it still could have been yesterday that they were interrupting the festivities with the announcement that… ‘uh, I think baby might be coming’. What had followed was a period of some of the most intense hours either of them had lived through, a culmination of two lives’ dreams and emotions. And at the end of it, Taylor had found herself holding in her hands the second love of her life. Her sunshine. As children do, Liv grew. She’d tested her mothers, putting pressure on their weak points and making them stronger. She’d brought them closer, something Taylor wouldn’t have believed possible… but sharing their daughter’s journey was like watching a miracle unfold; to be touched and changed was inevitable.

Michelle joined Taylor, a knowing look on face as they watched Liv’s impatient jiggling.

“Crazy night ten years ago… my one and only midwife job.”

Taylor chuckled. “Crazy, crazy night. The best night of my life. I don’t think I’m ever going to stop thanking you for getting us through.”

“Oh, you’re very welcome. Ten years on, it’s stuck with me. It’s amazing to see the young woman she’s growing into. I’m not going to lie, I’m proud of my small part in putting her in the world.”

That change was coming so fast. The transition from that rosy-faced bundle of cuddles into a bright, opinionated adolescent was going to be underway in no time at all. Even now, looking at that giggling ten-year-old, it was hard to imagine.

I’m going to embrace every moment. Every one. You, me, your Mama Estela, we’re on this adventure together. And I can’t wait to see where it takes us next.

Estela put her arms around Taylor from behind, smiling into her wife’s shoulder.

“Is it my birthday yet?” Liv asked, bounding over to them.

“One minute, mija.” She tugged Liv into the hug and covered her forehead in kisses. “Come here!”

The cake was unveiled, and the small girls, Isla, Erin and Immy, erupted into ‘ooh’s, while Liv did a dance in her mothers’ arms. Her family around her sang, all together, celebrating her milestone, and she knew belonging. She looked up to her mothers and grinned, face aglow with candlelight.

The future was bright.

[ohkimani]

tbh.

Besides the obvious decisions I’ve had to make, the biggest decision I’ve made as an adult is dedicating my time to living and growing as an actual adult as opposed to spending my time fighting an endless fight on Taylor Swift’s behalf like I used to.

Though I would still go to hell and back for her, I just...have better things to do. 

For instance, valuing my career and future over a multimillionaire who has not only her own but her great-grandchildrens’ futures figured out financially just seems far more important to me now.

Taylor has laid the foundation for so many young artists in ANY field to succeed and have their art valued, as it should be. I love the idea that there have already been so many thriving musicians succeeding because they were encouraged and inspired by Taylor's strength.  I love the idea that there are women in different fields who may have at least an extra ounce of strength within themselves to fight for the greatness, rewards, and respect they deserve.

However, in my time, spending countless hours, days, weeks, months, and years fighting for a woman who, in the end, doesn’t need to be fought for feels almost....humiliating?

 I’m grateful for every second I’ve ever gotten to speak to Taylor and even share the same air as her. yet in the back of my head, i have always thought back to how many nights I've sorted through some mean, sometimes racist, threatening, and discouraging messages because a woman made music that i deeply appreciated.

The social media aspect of Taylor's relationship with her fans has always struck me as bittersweet (as it has most of her fans). I made my first Tumblr account about two years before Taylor joined, forgot the password to that account, then made a new account exactly a week BEFORE she began her first bunch of unbelievable interactions with fans. 

I had the privilege of briefly experiencing genuine and warm feelings that came with everything every fan posted. though it was such a brief time, I got to know what it felt like to be a part of a real online fandom. It wouldn't be another 5, almost 6 years until I find this feeling again upon reactivating my twitter account (where Taylor's eye hardly reaches) 

Amidst these 5 years, I would find myself almost collecting badges of approval from Taylor, and finding that these badges would provide me an image of invalid importance in the eyes of numerous people which happenstance would find me in the presence of. 

One blog would continuously be spammed with likes from Taylor which drew me to an entirely different blog. With this blog, I would face the same supportive spam though coupled with (in hindsight, well deserved) anonymous hate and scrutiny. By the time I had settled onto the third blog (which had been there all along, just not as active) I was smart enough to figure out the formula.

I discovered the simplicity of what not only attracts Taylor's heart but her fans/followers. [this part is incredibly blunt and I would very much appreciate if there was just like....understanding about how undiplomatic I could possibly state this] Something short, particularly sweet, relevant, including the word “y’all” at least once, and rapid-fire posting. That was it. It wasn’t self reblogging constantly. It was posting what you knew everyone wanted to read and repost for themselves. That’s not to say it wasn’t what I actually felt. God knows i said these things MULTIPLE times before I actually posted them. I just knew everyone else could relate.

Pretty soon, this all got to my head (if the above paragraph wasn’t obvious enough). My follower count skyrocketed, Taylor herself was a frequent active follower and all I had to do was abandon my sense of self, devote myself to everything she said and did, and i was in her good favor. simple enough-- right?

It wasn’t until after I started paying attention to my own life that I realized where my priorities should be. Not only that, I noticed something incredibly immature, and VERY human about myself: I had abandoned my one source of validity, and in finding others receiving this attention, jealously racked my nerves beyond comprehension. 

Luckily, I didn’t deal with this jealousy in the way most people do where they take it out on others. I, instead, began focusing on what made me who I was beside my passion for Taylor Swift and everything she has ever done in her life. I began to give myself the same love and support I used to give Taylor and when I transferred that energy, I found that valuing the validation her brief moments of attention used to give me wasn’t a bad thing at all. V

aluing the fact that her eyes wandered to my tiny corner of the earth every now and THAT small act giving me new confidence for months to come, didn’t make me less of a person. It made me a lost person.

Embracing the fact that I used to have Taylor's attention--and that this was actually important to me and my self-esteem--became the breaking point I needed to know that I was me before I was a Taylor Swift fan. Embracing this allowed me to love me even more because I knew I had that love to give, I just needed to know where that love belonged.

I’m incredibly drunk and every time I’ve been drunk these last few weeks, I’ve thought about how to formulate these thoughts into something cohesive. I guess this is supposed to serve as a statement to the many anons I’ve received asking why I don’t talk about Taylor as much or even why I’m not as active anymore.

I am well aware no one will read this but I felt it was important for myself (and my blog for that matter) to be laid out as plainly as possible. 

A rich white woman does not need my help living her life any easier and I think she knows that.

I love you and hope you love you as much as I do 

xoxo