#I know it's biased I'm not pretending it isn't

[anachrosims]

I had an epiphany about the greige luxe aesthetic disk horse and I’m here to share it:

Aesthetics are (mostly) neutral things, provided the aesthetic itself isn’t evoking/promoting an ideology that’s rooted in bigotry and/or harming other people. You’re allowed to like greige luxe, which is what I am personally going to call it from now on. Basically, an aesthetic on its own is not good/evil, it didn’t kill your sensei, etc.

Trends, however? Oh, my friends in Christ! My Dear Honeys and Bunches of Oats! Here’s where it gets fun, because trends imply a group of instances within a period of time. A trend is something you can chart out using a graph to say, “this style is being used X (how much it’s used) over Y (a period of months/years).”

When people gripe about the greige luxe nightmare, it’s because we’ve been experiencing it in a gradual crescendo for well over a decade. When a person gripes about a trend, it isn’t a personal attack against people who happen to genuinely have that personal taste, though I’m sure it can often feel like one.

 The problem in this specific case is that greige luxe has a lot of cultural baggage rooted in classism (this aesthetic has been promoted by companies sponsoring overpriced brands--looking at you Magnolia Home) and the diluting (literally) of other styles into being watered down. It’s taken the sleek and often fun pop of midcentury, Scandi, and midcentury modern and even rustic styles and literally neutralized them, sanding off the “rough” edges to make it all more appealing to a wider audience. 

Don’t believe me? Check out this article from the Guardian from 2022, which discusses that “... the origin of this great wave of grey goes back through centuries of western culture to a longstanding prejudice against bright colors, as explored by the artist David Batchelor in his 2000 book Chromophobia.” It goes on to explain, “Goethe’s Theory of Colors, published in 1810, maintained that bright colors were suited to children and animals, not sophisticated adults. ...  Still today, words such as ‘lurid’ and ‘garish’ have negative connotations. ‘Color is often represented as feminine, or Oriental, or primitive, or infantile, rather than grown-up and philosophical and serious … and it’s clearly indexed to issues of race, culture, class and gender,’ says Batchelor.” 

The article further elaborates on this by comparing the trend to what is associated with “’refined taste’”-- “’...a desire for the muted, the minimal, the sparse...’ Over the past 15 years, ‘what we have seen is a move from the yellow end of the spectrum to the cooler one – from beige, to greige’, amounting to what Fox calls ‘a desaturating effect’ across culture.” (Context: British art historian James Fox, author of The World According to Colour.)

As for the Sims community? Well... I personally associate the greige trend with permapaywallers and even well-known early access (but contraversial) creators following it excessively, leading popular builders to make lots based almost entirely around this greige luxe nightmare. In addition to cultural baggage, it’s now got community baggage heaped on, and I expect that’s what’s led to the visceral reaction we’re seeing. Basically in the Sims community, greige luxe is a whole thing associated now with appropriated styles that have been watered down, commodified, and associated with “upper class refinement”, especially to the detriment of variety and vitality.

The article does also point out that as society has become more and more polarized, the trend has grown, “...[s]ince the mid-2010s especially, people have sought not to be energized by their homes – but soothed.” And yeah, that tracks-- people want calm, want simple. And that’s okay! I myself genuinely like soothing rooms, color schemes that are softer--neutrals and pastels and washed-out rustica with a soft pop of color here and there. Absolutely lovely.

I also think there’s merit to wanting something more uplifting, and the article references things like recent tentative trends toward more color, like interior designs leaning for warmer tones, red dining rooms coming back into vogue, and even Apple’s more colorful line of products: “It suggests that post-pandemic people are prioritising not serenity in their homes, but joy.”

To bring it all back home: Yeah, like what you like. Just please try to understand that trend fatigue and changing times can and will lead people to yearn for something different, and it never hurts to branch out into new palettes and decor styles. While I understand the “mass appeal” of simple neutral colors and sleek styles, my own personal happiness needs a bit more levity, more vitality, lest I feel washed out and uninspired.

(I do recommend reading the article; it isn’t an actual indictment of greige, but rather a discussion illustrating opinions both for and against and the history of the “neutral” trend.)

Further suggested reading: How Are Color Trends Decided? Article from DraperyStreet in 2017, & Color Trend Predictions for 2023, from LuxeSource in 2022, & Greige, the Color That’s Taking Over Pinterest, from Business Insider in 2015.

[iniziare]

Consider Yelan's facial expression to be my own in reaction to opinions shared on both X and Tumblr, and I guess I'm in the minority of the 'loud ones', but I'm pretty excited for Natlan since that trailer, actually. The previous teasers left me a little 'eh', but this definitely got my hopes back up, and I'm back in the right spirits for it (and ready to catch some Pokémon.)

Now I wouldn't be me if I didn't touch on the salt that I've seen scattered across the dash, so here I go. Listen, I read people's objections and I see what you're all aiming at, but in that light want to note that it's often incredibly easy to point fingers (arguably too much so) at others while being, quite honestly, hopefully rather aware that many of our own countries, cultures, and its populations across the board (and no, I'm not excluding anyone here) would likely be just as easily guilty as MHY is with these things. And no, I'm not blindly defending them, but I also won't point fingers at only one without pointing them everywhere else as well, including those you might think would 'never do such things', because I'm absolutely certain that they would. /continues on in the tags.

[agentrouka-blog]

Respectfully, Do you even realise you are not the minority in this situation? Sure, some people have pushed their hate for Jewish people to extreme levels, but just looking at the map, Israel is not the victim here. Innocent civillians in Palestine, including children, are dying slowly every day. As a Jewish person, you should know what it feels like to be discriminated , and sadly this is a case of victim turning abuser with Israel. Have you even tried to analyse the situation critically outside your biases? Can you not see that this "rise in antisemitism" is most of the time people speaking out saying you can't defend what Israel is doing? Sure, even if it isn't "their native territory" is it then justified to fucking wipe them out like a smidge on the map to reclaim it???

I am not Jewish.

The fact that you assume I am is pretty telling, because the utter indifference toward what you so glibly describe as

Sure, some people have pushed their hate for Jewish people to extreme levels

by the non-Jewish vast majority has been terrifying to me. People shrug off attacks all over the world against Jewish civillians just trying to live their lives, or worse they try to justify it as political action or as something the perpetrators just can't help.

Have you even tried to analyse the situation critically outside your biases?

Have you? I'm not the one trying to press a complex and decades (centuries) old, deeply protracted problem into a simple frame of good and evil or "victim and abuser". (Nice, trying to turn the history of antisemitic persecution into a teaching moment that Jewish people just failed to learn from.)

Come back when you can explain to me how hunting Jewish children in Berlin, pelting them with rocks in London, violating them in France or burning their facilities in Australia is helping children survive in Gaza. I'm sure it's going to be riveting, seeing how me sharing (a very few) posts calling out antisemtism already provoked you into going "but Israel!!!!"

Stop trying to pretend away or ignore the very real and terrifying danger people face just for existing as Jews everywhere, and maybe I'll find your humanitarian concern credible or consistent. As it is, I'm seeing a hypocrite coming into my Inbox to complain that I am sullying their feel-good morally pure middle eastern political cause with dirty dirty nuance. For asking them to care about maybe addressing that negligible issue of hatred of Jews being "pushed to extreme levels" (as opposed to the normal and acceptable levels, I presume).

[underskz]

➪ LET'S SEE WHO HURTS THE OTHER MORE

➪ seo changbin x cisfem!reader ✩ w.c 3.2k (➪ cheater!choi yeonjun x same reader) — NSFW ✩ 18+ minors dni —

✰ NON-IDOL AU

pov: sick of your boyfriend's lies and infidelity, you've finally decided on your parting gift to both him and yourself...in the form of one of his best friends.

note: uhh i rlly can't explain myself on this one,, i've been listening to too many sad songs and my brain said write a cheating revenge plot fic and write it now >:) so here i am uhhh, going for it... sorry yeonjun ! (i'm not rlly that sorry lmao) also has anyone else noticed that i keep writing for 99s idols,,, even tho they’re not my biases… anywayz the title is from war by keshi lol

warnings: CHEATING like all around everyone's a cheater (except changbin but he's willingly sleeping w his bestie's gf so...), and isn't reader entitled to this 100% valid crash out ?? (i'm kidding...or am i???), toxic relationship, toxic behavior, unsafe sex (no condoms), spit (and a dream) as lube, bad language, slight manipulation from reader but changbin lets it happen lmao (might be a lil into it even), yeonjun is the worst in this….but it’s for the plot!!! i swear !!!!, open/ambiguous ending, excessive use of ellipses bc im dramatic :)

“I’m sorry.”

At least Changbin has the decency to look ashamed, the guilt of covering up for his friend’s transgressions clearly having eaten away at him. He keeps his head low, intent on pretending one of the cracks on the kitchen tiles requires all his attention. 

For a moment you consider throwing him out, screaming at him to never come back and to tell Yeonjun to fuck himself into the next century. 

There’s a part of you that wants to blame Changbin, because if he was gonna turn around and confess Yeonjun’s infidelity anyway, why didn’t he stop him? 

Instead you inhale slowly, exhaling as evenly as you possibly can and swallow down the venom building on the tip of your tongue.

“It’s okay, Bin.” And his head finally snaps up, shocked by your lack of surprise and borderline disinterest. Again you swallow back any scathing comments, a certain numbness swirls through your chest as a dull throbbing in the back of your skull threatens a headache.

“W-What?” He dares to meet your eyes for a second before pinning his gaze somewhere over your shoulder.

“I know, I mean I’ve known. And I know it wasn’t a one time thing.” You sigh, and a part of you wishes that your boyfriend hadn’t trapped his friends in his lies as well. 

“You knew Yeonjun was…” He clears his throat harshly.

“Cheating? Yeah, and I guess he hasn't really considered stopping, or at least being subtle about it. And after all those fights and promises to change..I don’t even know what I see in him.” It’s the truth, still unsure why you’ve bothered plodding along in this relationship after catching Yeonjun stepping out on you almost four months ago. 

You had found him in the alleyway of a club after he drunkenly called begging for you to come pick him up, only to see him wrapped up in a disgusting lip lock with some other woman with his hands shamelessly wandering. 

He hadn’t even apologized, just mumbled over and over again about how he was so drunk, how he thought it was you. At the time you chose to believe it, at the time you still loved him.

But now it’s different, now you’re left wondering how much more you can take, or why you can’t just end it.

Maybe it’s a fear of loneliness, or the pains of having to untangle your life from his after spending almost four years tying them together. Whatever it is, the strings have finally begun to fray, and the last remnants of that naive thought of him changing disappeared the moment Changbin stepped foot into your apartment with that kicked puppy look to him.

And now here you are, staring at your boyfriend’s proclaimed “ride or die”, in all honesty if you were to expect any of Yeonjun’s friends to fess up to the man’s wrongs for him, Changbin wouldn’t have been your first guess. He might be principled and righteous to a fault, but this is a man who would help Yeonjun hide a body no questions asked; morals be damned. 

You wonder what the tipping point was, wonder what Yeonjun could’ve done this time around that made Changbin force himself to make that choice. 

“How long?” You purse your lips, because even then you had doubted it was the first time, Yeonjun’s lies losing their efficacy somewhere between the third and fourth time you caught him fabricating his whereabouts— and who he was with.

“Um, well.” His eyes begin darting around once more. 

“The least you can do is be honest with me…he hasn’t been.” You cross your arms in a poor attempt of trying to brace yourself for whatever Changbin will say. Though your feelings for Yeonjun are practically nonexistent at this point, it wouldn’t make finding out more about his betrayal hurt any less.

“I think the first time was, ah well, it was…” You watch as he clenches and unclenches his fist, clearly conflicted, the morally righteous side barely able to push past his fierce loyalty to his friend. 

“Changbin, please.” You sigh, teeth digging into your bottom lip while making your eyes wide just so they’ll begin to water. If Changbin needs you to look like the heartbroken girlfriend to find his voice then so be it.

“Last year, when you were back visiting family…Wooyoung had this party and…”

His words seem to fade away, whisking through one ear and out the other. A year, an entire year of him lying to your face. You feel sick, used up and disgusted at the way you’ve been played like a damn fiddle. Like you’ve meant nothing to him and that all those years you spent in love with him— completely wasted.

Your knees start to buckle, a weak and nauseating feeling twisting in your stomach and Changbin in all his gentlemanly glory quickly catches you, dragging you into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I should’ve said something earlier.” His voice cracks, as if he’s the one who’s so despicably wronged you, and you could laugh. It shouldn't be Changbin here with his arms around you, apologizing like his life depends on it. "I-Is there anything I can do?"

It's said so softly you almost don't catch it, and the thought that bursts into your head is so sudden —and rather devious— that it almost doesn't feel like yours. You decide to blame Yeonjun for whatever happens next.

Because there’s a lot that Changbin can do.

"Just...keep holding me." The words come out shakier than you expected, thankful for how tightly he’s holding you, keeping you from falling apart completely. You try to breath slowly, deep inhales and exhales that fill your senses with Changbin’s cologne, the warmth radiating off of him soothing your nerves.

"Yeah, uh, okay...yeah I can do that." He inhales sharply. "Do you wanna sit?"

"Sure." The affirmation coming out as a defeated sigh. And carefully, as if he knows you'll shatter at any moment— he guides you to the couch, letting you sit before settling beside you and slinging an arm around your shoulders.

You let your head fall back, resting upon a firm bicep as you try to make sense of the last few minutes. You consider your options, debating on just how far you’re willing to go in the name of revenge. 

It's not fair to drag Changbin further into this, not when Yeonjun has already done a fine job of testing his friend's moral compass— but at the same time the man has been complicit in these lies for a year, looking you in the eyes and laughing with you as if there was nothing amiss. Maybe Yeonjun wasn't the only one who needed to suffer consequences.

But if anything, in some twisted way, this could be a reward for Changbin’s honesty, a thank you and even a favor done for you as a proper apology.

So you inch closer, moving until you're practically seated in Changbin's lap while you wrap your arms around his waist and bury your face into the crook of his neck, stilling as he stiffens in your hold. 

For a moment you wonder if you moved too fast. But not even a second later he relaxes, tightening the arm that's already around your shoulders and bringing up his other to run his hand comfortingly up and down your back. 

You let yourself melt into him, a tight coil in your chest starting to unravel. It's concerning how safe you feel, seated in the lap of your cheating boyfriend's best friend, maybe your sense of right and wrong and love and affection has been all screwed up courtesy of one Choi Yeonjun.

Yet you’re only allowed to revel in this moment for what feels like only a few minutes, too distracted by the warmth to even think of your next move, of how far you'll go.

Changbin starts to shift under you, his hands retracting and you can't help the needy whine that sounds in your throat. You could care less if it sounds desperate, you're vulnerable after all.

"Bin please, you said you'd hold me."

"I should go." His voice is hoarse, and you pull back just enough to see his eyes darting back between you and the door. "Didn't you say Yeonjun was coming by later?"

"I said he might." And Yeonjun said he would, but you doubted it, these days his promises fell through more often than not. "Who knows anymore, he's probably fucking some other bitch or looking for one." 

He frowns at that, and you're unsure if it's your harshness or disappointment over the fact you're most likely right.

"It's just that, I don't think...we should…I should go." He makes a weak attempt to push you off of him, stopping the moment you grab his wrists.

"But I don't want you to." Immediately releasing your hold on him, his hands hover, unsure of whether or not to drop them or to continue holding you.

"Yeonjun is, he's still my friend..." Changbin says carefully.

"And I'm not?" It's not like the two of you met because of Yeonjun, in fact you met Yeonjun through Changbin and a few other mutual friends back during university. But maybe that's what was making him so unsure, the social repercussions. The risk of everything falling apart as if Yeonjun didn’t create this. "I mean...I guess if you really wanna go Bin, I won't...force you to stay."

And slowly you let your eyes crawl up, peering through your lashes as you worry your bottom lip with your teeth before soothing it with your tongue. With a sharp inhale he follows the movement with his eyes, one of his hands thoughtlessly landing on your thigh. 

"We shouldn't." His fingers tighten for half a second, eyes darkening by a fraction. 

"Shouldn't what? We're not doing anything?" You lean in closer, and closer, until your lips are a measly inch away from each other. "Unless you think we should be?" 

He swears under his breath, your name following closely before he seals his lips against yours. And maybe a touch too desperately you scramble to rearrange yourself in his lap, moving until you're straddling his thick thighs and gripping onto his muscled shoulders.

"This is, it’s wrong?" There’s a strain in his words; but it’s barely a question, and one posed more for himself than you.

"You're comforting me, you're being a good friend and comforting me." You drag your lips across his jaw, trying not to grin as he tightly grips at your hips. "I'm hurting, make me feel better?"

"Are you sure?" You meet his gaze, the intention of not wanting to take advantage of your supposed vulnerable state clear in his eyes, because Changbin is (to some degree) a decent man.

"I need you." You keep your voice low, running your hands down his chest before dragging one up to run your fingers through his hair. "Please?"

You tilt your head, watching as he swallows down whatever reservations he has. He looks over you carefully, leaving you to try to not squirm under an unfamiliar intensity in his eyes.

"Fuck, okay yeah I've got you." His fingers slip under the hem of your shirt, a gravelly tone overtaking his words. “I’ll make you feel better, the best.” 

And maybe he’s thought about it before, whether it was before you and Yeonjun started your (now regrettable) relationship, or if this was something he had been holding close, a secret that would’ve torn him and Yeonjun’s friendship apart– maybe it’s why he barely put up a fight. 

His lips are back on yours, still tentative and a little stiff but you didn’t mind, if anything your ministrations are a mirror image. Unlike some people, you’ve been loyal in your relationship and the nerves of kissing someone new after all this time was beginning to ricochet through your body, your heartbeat turning into a frantic staccato.

“Bin.” You rasp, not sure what you’re trying to say or maybe ask.

“I told you, I’ve got you.” He tugs off his hoodie then shirt before pulling off yours, goosebumps chasing after where his hands trail along your exposed skin. He manages to make quick work of your clothes, stopping you from helping in any way and allowing you to admire the way his muscles jump and move as he undresses you.

He keeps you in his lap, now stripped bare while he sits in his gray sweats with a less than conspicuous tent forming in them. You feel your mouth dry with anticipation, with nerves.

“Kiss me.” And he obeys, licking into your mouth eagerly, whatever hesitation held before long gone. It’s easy falling into Changbin’s ministrations, soothing in a way you can’t explain, and most of all, thrilling to be so craved. 

You press yourself against him, unable to stifle the shiver at the sensation of heated skin against heated skin, delighting in the way he kneads his calloused fingers up your thighs. Your mind races with anticipation, trying not to let the fact it’s been weeks, maybe closer to months since you’ve gotten any action.

Before you can even register it, he’s pushing you away, maneuvering you until your back is against his chest and your legs are forced to fall apart as they land on either side of his.

“Better this way.” He grunts, a hand coming up to cup at your breast while the other drags up your inner thigh. 

“Changbin.” You snake a hand back until you're gripping the back of his head, dragging him forward enough to catch his bottom lip with your teeth. “Hurry.”

Mercifully he wastes no time, bringing thick fingers up to your mouth and obediently your lips fall open. Pinning your gaze to his you make a show of flattening your tongue against his digits and dragging the muscle upwards oh so slowly. 

“Fucking, you-”

He interrupts himself, lips diving forward to meet yours, his tongue shoving into your mouth with reckless abandon. He swallows down each and every little moan and whine he draws out of you.

But with far more finesse his fingers press against your entrance, deftly circling and coaxing. At long last, he presses a single digit inside of you, slowly yet insistent; he’s surprisingly attentive, waiting for and listening to each demand of your body as he explores you so languidly.

“Faster, faster.” You’re not above begging, not here and definitely not now, bucking your hips to try and make him hear your pleas.

His other arm snakes around your waist, tightening just enough to keep you flush against him and barely able to move. 

“Let me take care of you.” He chases the words with a peck to your cheek and It’s startlingly nice, the words and affection almost unfamiliar. Maybe your relationship has long since fizzled out, unable to remember the last time someone had been this gentle and mindful during sex.

If you didn’t know better you’d think Changbin might be in love with you.

The thought melts away the moment he pushes two of his fingers into you, gasping at the sudden stretch but thankful for him picking up the pace.

You feel like putty in his hands, enjoying the tension in your shoulders being replaced by that telltale tension deep in your belly. Each drag of his fingers has you melting further into him, letting yourself be consumed as you sigh his name. 

Annoyingly he retracts his fingers, placating the whine in your throat with a quick kiss to your pulsepoint. He helps you shift in his lap, until you’re facing each other once more and you’re left trying not to melt under his fiery gaze.

Your eyes flutter down his chest, until you’re looking directly at the now blatant tent in his sweats. You bite back a groan.

“Oh.” You move to straddle him properly, adjusting so there’s just enough room between your bodies that you can hook your fingers into the waistband of his pants and with a little assistance you manage to free his cock from the cotton confines.

You hook your nails into the meat of his shoulder, grinning when he winces as your other hand comes down to press his cock against your dripping cunt. 

“Shit, hold on, condom?” He looks a little sad to ask, likely annoyed by the extra step.

“No, m’clean I got tested…haven’t even, oh!” He nips at your throat. “…Haven’t let him touch me, you?”

“I’m good.” And you trust him, despite it all you don’t mind trusting Changbin. Besides, there’s plenty of things you’re regretting right now, what’s another for down the road? Though you highly doubt you’ll regret anything and everything Changbin could do to you.

“C’mon then pretty, ride me.” He brings his hands under the backs of your thighs, offering support but making no move to help you any further.

You tease your hole against the head of his cock, tongue caught between your teeth as you slowly begin to sink down. A stifling heat starts to curl through you, searing through your limbs and cutting across your face and building a sweat across your brow.

“Fuck! You’re so fuckin’ big, ah!” And maybe while Yeonjun beats Changbin out in length, he can’t begin to compare in girth.

The moment you’re fully seated on his cock you take a second to come to terms with the fact you're being split in two, the thickness unprecedented and dizzying and it takes every fiber of your being to not cum immediately. You squeeze your eyes shut, the hand settled on his shoulder tightening until your knuckles go white. 

Changbin takes this as an invitation to pepper kisses along your chest, letting his teeth graze along your shoulder and tongue dance across your throat. You find yourself relaxing under his attention, embarrassingly soothed in a few measly seconds by his lips against your skin. 

“Sexy.” He has the audacity to wink at you, and a weak chuckle escapes you as you wiggle your hips just enough to force a choked moan out of the both of you.

But it’s enough to have you brace yourself, not wanting to waste anymore time, hands coming down to grip at his solid forearms to bring yourself up an inch and sink back down. It sends a shock up your spine and you repeat the motion, again and again. 

You gather your energy, testing your leg strength today and properly starting to bounce on his cock, letting wanton moans and desperate whines fall freely from your lips.

“S’good, so damn good for me.” He grinds out. “You like fucking me more? Huh?”

You're hypnotized by the look in his eyes, always fascinated by the way that Changbin has always been candid with his emotions, how easy he can be to read when he puts down his shields. And now you have a front row view to a smoldering lust burning bright in those brown eyes, leaving you to wonder if it’s always been there. 

“Yes, yes, yes.” You tug at his arms, silently begging for more, until his hands move to grip at your waist. “It’s better, better with y-you, Bin.”

“He’s so damn stupid, you’re so fuckin’ perfect, baby.” Ruthlessly he quickens the pace, forcing you towards the edge. Your vision starts to go a little fuzzy, that unmistakable tightness coiling in your belly becoming almost unbearable. 

“O-Oh fuck, Changbin!” Pleasure tears through you, a few borderline painful steps past mindblowing and you wonder if you passed out for a second. 

Faintly you hear the telltale click of the front door opening. 

[alittlebitofloveliness]

Misogyny in the fandom: let's talk about it

Not gonna lie, the level of interalized or even just blatant misogyny in this fandom is really disheartening sometimes. There is already VERY few female characters in the book, even fewer with speaking roles, and yet I see all of them being hated on in some way. People hate on Cherry for standing up for herself when Dally was harrasing her, and for not seeing Johnny in the hospital, which bullshit to begin with but also, you can't tell me that if the roles were reversed and Cherry sat down behind Dallas and starting talking about how stupid and classless greaser boys are, and Dally threw a coke at her, that the fandom wouldn't love him all the more for it. People hold her to this impossible golden standard, expecting her to literally be perfect instead of a conflicted and grieving teenage girl, when they embrace the flaws and give a lot more grace to much more violent and 'bad' male characters. It's a very 'boys will be boys' and 'girls mature fatser so they should know better' double standard that I really can't stand. Marcia gets a level of the same treatment, with people occasionally calling her vapid or shallow when the book makes it clear she and Two-bit actually really hit it off, and the number she gave him being fake was only Two and Ponyboy's speculation. But I digress. Moving on.

Misogyny and classism intersect when it comes to the few female greaser characters we get a little insight on. So many people LOATHE both Sandy and Sylvia because they're cheaters, but honestly, how is cheating worse than stealing? (And don't pretend they steal because they need to survive Ponyboy makes a point of claiming Two-bit doesn't really need or want half the stuff he shoplifts) How is it worse than jumping little kids? How is it worse than sexually harassing girls? How is it worse than the plethora of immoral or illegal activities the greaser guys partake in? If we're being 100% honest, it isn't. "But-but Sandy cheated on Soda, who really loved her". Yeah, she did. That was shitty of her, I'm not defending that, but she was also a sixteen year old girl in a tough situation she was trying to navigate the best she could. She could have lied and told Soda it was his and trapped him in a marriage raising a kid he definitely couldn't afford if she wanted to- but she didn't. Hell, she told him the truth and he was still ready to do that and she wouldn't let him. I don't think those are the actions of a completely terrible person, I think they're the actions of a scared kid who did some shitty things, but is trying her best and trying to do better. At the VERY least they're the actions of a multifaceted character who deserves the same level of grace and insight afforded to the male characters. (If anyone wants to read more of my thoughts on Sandy and her narrative importance, I have a post here). There's also something to be said about the poor 'greasy' girls facing harsher vitriol than the soc girls, and while part of it is because of Ponyboy's biased narration, it's clear to see that readers very much took his views at face value. Soc girls are 'good girls' and have to be perfect to deserve credit from the fans, but greasy girls are 'trashy' so it's ok for them to be judged and shit on. Spoiler alert: it isn't.

Sylvia is similar to Sandy in that her cheating and 'loose' behaviour earn her a lot of hate, which again, I'm not defending her cheating, but we need to give her the same analysis and benefit of the doubt given to Dally. Dally is NOT a good person. Ponyboy says this and makes it clear plenty of times. He's a hurt character, so we can explien why he is the way he is, but he isn't a GOOD character. he values loyalty, so he never cheated on Sylvia, but it's clear based on how he treats Cherry and casual comments he makes that he doesn't really respect women. I can't imagine Sylvia's experience dating him was one where she felt very adored. Again, not an excuse for cheating, but I can understand WHY she'd try and take back power within a dynamic and a society where she never had any, and I don't want to vilify her for that. She's also a poor woman growing up in the sixties- the book makes it clear life is hard enough for poor guys griowing up at that time, but it was probably equally if not more hard for poor women. I think, like the gang, she does what she had to to survive. If you can understand why the gang does bad things, and still be humans who can be considered good, you can extend the same understanding to Sylvia (and Sandy.) I think people need to also keep in mind that everything we know ABOUT Sylvia (and the rest of the female characters) we know from Ponyboy, a fourteen year old boy who's narration is INCREDIBLY biased and who doesn't have the full details of any of the relationships in the gang. Ponyboy sees Sylvia and Sandy as these terrible, loose women who have hurt people he cares about, so a lot of the fandom does too, but it doesn't change the fact that by doing so you're accepting and embracing Ponyboy's internalized misogyny and making it your own.

Anyway, I don't think I'm articulating this as well as i want to, and i spoke a bit more about this in this reply to one of the posts on the confessions page, but yeah, I just wish people could accept that fact that if they bend over backward to find ways to defend or explain immoral actions from male characters, but refuse to even attempt to do the same for female characters, they've probably internalized a bit of misogyny they should maybe work on.

[shanastoryteller]

I don't know if you do that but I am gonna shoot anyway 😅 Do you have any fic recs that are Dean centric? I am sure he will be suffering in all of them but I'd also love it if he were getting comforted not gonna lie 🥹 But if you don't do recs it's also fine, have a nice day!

answering this publicly if other people have recs because probably not lol

i guess it depends on what you mean by dean centric? like does back count, it's his pov and mostly about his hell trauma, but through the lens of him hashing out all the s4 bullshit with sam. or dumb luck or good ghost is his pov, him losing his mind while in deep denial, and sam isn't even it for the first 2/3, but also does it really count as dean centric if his every waking thought is about sam? then again, if his every waking thought isn't about sam, that's ooc as hell

i am smushing dean like play doh, i am poking him with a stick, i am sitting in my backyard and adding him to my plastic bucket to make potion, but i am at heart a sam girl. these are all simply sam girl activities

in no particular order here are some fics i like that i think are dean heavy to dean focused, but whether they're dean centric probably depends on your specific kind of brainworms

It's the Blueprint of Your Life by queenklu  Sam jerks awake in the middle of the night and everything goes to hell. Well, not literally, though Dean is staring down the barrel of less than a year before his deal comes due. In the midst of dealing (or not dealing) with his impending death, a killer ghost ship, and Bela showing up out of the blue, Dean also has to figure out what’s going on in Sam’s head to make him so twitchy, why he’s suddenly breezing through this case while writing endless notes in a notebook he won’t let Dean see. Damn it, Dean thinks, This is gonna take a lot of chickflick moments. comments: one of my absolute favorite spn fics, so it's possible i'm just biased. dean trying to figure out what the hell is going on with sam and then what the hell he feels for sam. also a really great exploration of dean's self worth issues and him confronting that, which is really what i think justifies adding it to this list

A Lifetime or Two by nigeltde Dean's been living too long on the surface. comments: late seasons when mary's still around but before the BOL has blown up in their faces. great exploration of his relationships with sam and mary and how they intersect. the sequel is also required reading

Credit for a Kill by TheMarvelousTolkienJob Dean had figured he knew how his day was going to go. Do some research, hunt a little, maybe even go out for drinks afterward. He hadn't counted on taking part in someone else's quest for revenge nor on Sam being held hostage to ensure that he would complete said revenge. comments: dean being a badass and saving sam plus bonus bobby to the rescue!

Desiderata by Dyed_Red Dean is hit with a curse. It shouldn’t take that much to resolve, could be a gift under other circumstances, but life’s not that simple for the Winchesters. comments: incomplete, but close enough to the end that you see where they're going and how they get there. dean torturing himself, which we all know i love, and some really scorchingly hot and fucked up sex scenes

mother is pretending by hathfrozen Dean blurts, "So, you're saying I'm like, Mommy, or something?" He's never had a joke land so completely flat. It sounds strangled and weird coming out of his own mouth, like it was never supposed to be a joke in the first place. "Um," Sam starts, and his voice fucking cracks. "Dean." Immediately, Dean says, "I didn't say that. Sam, I never said that." (Sam and Dean get reckless about how they're handling the pain of season 2, and whoops! slowly develop a Mommy kink along the way.) comments: the author is like i am taking your hand and we are going on a journey and at the end of it you are going to believe these two get into mommy kink with dean as the mommy. and by jove, they did it

it started with the kinks by deadlybride Zachariah gave them their memories back, but he didn't erase what had happened in the time they were other people. Dean Smith made a mistake, and Dean Winchester--well. He's still living with it. comments: 4 part series exploring dean's character and his relationship with sam through panty kink

Flying Weight by flesh Sam wakes after being soulless for three years to discover that Dean and his relationship with him have undergone some serious changes. Through traveling and hunting with Dean, Sam struggles to put his life back together after events he has only limited memory of. A season six wincest AU comments: thank you fleshflutter we love you. a classic for a reason. painful, intense, interesting look at dean. you ache for everyone the whole time but it's all okay

Filthy Mind by rivkat Dean acquires unwelcome nightly visitors. Set post-Hell, without details as to how that happens. summary: take the warnings seriously. really good look at sam and dean's (and society's, especially 20 years ago) different views of assault, consent, and masculinity. sequel is required reading and soothes the teeth gnashing hurt of this one

All Shall Fade by theMarvelousTolkienJob The plan was simple. Sam would watch security cameras while Dean did interviews. Nothing bad was supposed to happen and certainly not...this. Anything but this. Set in Season 14. comments: great look of dean pushed to the edge and also explores his skills as a torturer, which is something i don't see often in fics even though it's such a defining and character shaping change for him

Behind Me by K Hanna Korossy She wasn't sure what he meant, just that he needed someone else besides her. Outsider POV. comments: dean stripped down to his bare essentials

Find and Seek by K Hanna Korossy Dean, trapped in a small, dark place, with bodies and rats. Sam needs to hurry. comments: dean having the absolute worst time and losing it inches at a time, which is great especially because practically speaking he's not in any danger - it's just psychological hell

Unforsaken by K Hanna Korossy No matter what Dean believed, his family and friends hadn't abandoned him. comments: the second half and how dean processes it is both realistic and heart breaking. it's short even within the confines of the fic, but you're rooting for him

In Reverse by sodakey After Faith, a job has the boys looking for missing hikers in Wyoming. While Sam worries it’s connected to what happened to Dean ten years ago, Dean wonders if Sam would be better off back in the world of normal. comments: another one that's a classic for a reason. hits dean exactly right

And Fools Shine On, If Belief Was Enough, and Woven by gekizetsu Dean's been souljacked. And nothing in their arsenal is going to save Sam from his brother. summary: the first part is more about sam than dean, but the second and third are really killer. dean is unraveling, literally, and it's up to sam to weave him back together again, even at the risk he'll see parts of dean that he'd rather show no one. there are parts reading this where you say to yourself am i the one going insane here, and an interesting birds eye view on how much you can own a soul not your own. really strongly recommend

[hollowed-theory-hall]

this is probably stupid to ask, but do you like snape? or the marauders? there's always fanwars happening between marauders stans and snape stans. tbh i'm just curious where you stand (i like both, and prefer their canon selves rather than the fanon which is btw really stupid. they feminized sirius so much its not even sirius anymore.) what made you like snape? if you do, or are you neutral with him? just for a change of question since i always ask about harry.

Thanks for the ask! I don't think it's stupid.

I prefer their canon counterparts as well, the Marauders fanon has so little to do with canon I can hardly call the characters by the same name. They just aren't the same characters. Anyway, I'm gonna try and summarise my highly subjective opinions about them here.

1. Sirius Black

He's my second most favorite character and my favorite among the characters you mentioned. I wrote about him a lot on this blog, so I don't really feel the need to write more.

But, he's smart, resilient, and goofy on occasion. His love for Harry is one of my favorite aspects of his character because he loves Harry so much. And he has his flaws. He can be cruel, cold, and arrogant and I wouldn't like him as much if he wasn't visibly a member of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black regardless of how much he tried to get away from his legacy. I love how messy his feelings about his family are. He left Regulus' room as it was, even though the rest of the house got cleaned by the Order. He stayed in his mother's bedroom even when all the conversations he had with her portrait were in screams. I love his distrust in Dumbledore after everything he's been through and how he chooses to remain for Harry's sake — he's willing to do anything for Harry's sake.

I just truly love Sirius.

2. Severus Snape

He's the next on this list because I do like Snape, he's not a character I'm passionate about, but I like him. I think he shouldn't be a teacher (I think he hates being a teacher more than his students hate him teaching them) but he's a talented potion maker and wizard. And he is a very entertaining character, even without knowing everything about him.

But what really makes me like Snape is that I find him interesting. I think his psychology is interesting, as is his dynamic with Lily, Dumbledore, and Voldemort. Snape is a fascinating character to study from a lot of angles, and even as a reader, there is quite a bit that's up in the air about him because he's that good at being a spy and not giving us anything.

The other major thing I like about him is his competence as a spy and wizard. If there's one thing I love in my fictional characters — it's competence (and intelligence). I often joke with my irl friends that Snape is the only competent Death Eater and the only competent member of the Order of the Phoenix. We then joke that if we were in his shoes, surrounded by a lot of people who don't actually do anything and we're the only ones affecting this war from both sides, we'd probably be bitter too.

A little note that seems overlooked about Snape often in the fandom, in general, is how we think, "Oh, he's so great at Occlumancy and not being emotional" — that's not strictly true. When it comes to Lily or the Marauders all his well-crafted Occlumancy kinda goes out the window. In books 3 and 5 he throws actual temper tantrums about Sirius Black. Like, I feel Snape, deep down is actually super not well adjusted and is an emotionally unstable mess, but he learned to pretend otherwise. Basically, all the cold facade is just that — a facade. He isn't really that stoic.

3. James Potter

I'm weird about James. Like, he's almost a nonentity and what we do hear about him is either negative or comes from biased sources.

I do tend to give him more of the benefit of the doubt than a lot of other fans who prefer canon James do. He was awful when he was younger, he was a bully and he assaulted Snape and there is no excuse for his actions. That being said, I can believe he changed. War changes you and you'd be hard-pressed to find a 21-year-old who isn't ashamed of a lot of what they did or said when they were 15. And yes, some of what James did is definitely more extreme than that of the average person, but it isn't that extreme compared to the environment he grew up in. Remus tells Harry everyone was casting Levicorpous on each other in the halls. I'm not saying any of the bullying is okay, I'm just saying it probably seemed normal to him and this is important context. Same as I don't think Snape is abusive towards students when put in the context of their culture and environment where, until recently, they caned students (Snape actually seems very averse to corporeal punishment. He also likely treats Harry very different than he does literally any other student, but this is the James section).

I just, like the idea of James changing for the better. I'd like to think he did. That life and war and loss taught him something.

4. Peter Pettigrew

Probably an unpopular opinion, but I like Pettigrew more than Lupin. He's awful, he's pathetic, he's a cowardly rat man and I find his sniveling funny. Whenever I try to think of a what-if scenario in my head, Pettigrew is somehow the key to it. Because he's a character that affects so much of the plot in some incredibly crucial moments — he betrayed James and Lily, he resurrected the Dark Lord, and later, he allows Harry's survival. Idk, I just find his situation and just how pathetic he could get fascinating. It's, like, there is no rock bottom for this guy, he keeps digging. Like, you can't get more pathetic than living as a rat for 12 years when you could've moved to Argentina or something.

And at the same time, he clearly has some residual care for Harry for his father's friendship. He has so many opportunities to kill Harry or kidnap him when he runs away to join Voldemort — but he doesn't. Even after Sirius escapes and he knows his time is up, he still leaves Harry alive. When he is supposed to kill him in book 7, he doesn't, he again lets him go and pays with his own life for it. Like, again, idk, it's just how I feel.

5. Remus Lupin

I know I placed Lupin last, and it's because I don't personally like him that much. Pretty sure this is a little controversial, but I don't really like book Lupin, he does not vibe with me, at all. (Though I'd choose book Lupin over Marauders fandom Lupin every time)

Like, it bothers me that he doesn't actually care about Harry (the only one on the list who willingly physically harmed Harry, in a moment of anger, but still). It was Harry who asked to be taught the Patronus, if it was up to Remus, he wouldn't be involved in Harry's life at all. He tried to run on his wife when she got pregnant because he was scared. Like, Petttigrew is given shit for being a cowardly Gryffindor, but, look, you need some guts to betray your friends, so I'd argue Remus is the most cowardly Marauder (it's easy to be brave when you don't care for your own life).

But, all of this is part of his character and the story wouldn't be what it is if Remus bothered to get his head out of his own ass and check up on Harry. How he behaves makes him my personal least favorite Marauder, but I want Lupin to be a cowardly guy who runs away from attachment and responsibility because he doesn't trust himself with anything (especially not anything good). He's not cool, or suave, and he's desperate for people to like him but without actually knowing him because he thinks that if they do they'd run away screaming like he wants to run from himself. Honestly, I don't get why the Mauraders fandom made James the people-pleaser when Remus Lupin is right there always telling people what they want to hear so they'd like him.

Again, these are all my own personal subjective opinions, but yeah.

[brucewaynehater101]

So there's a fic that I think you will like. It's called The Definition of Valor by Nerdpoe. Really short, spoiler free summery. Instead of loosing his Spleen, Tim looses his eyes. He makes special gadgets to help him with this, such as a device in is cowl that scans the room he is in and tells him what is where via coded sounds, like say, two low A notes followed by a chirp means there is a wooden desk to the north east of him. He also makes a special computer program for his grapple so when he points it somewhere, it will adjust his aim so he never misses and always attaches to a good spot.

This fic is giving me *so many* thoughts about the potential fall out of this being found out not as soon as Tim gets back to Gothem because he never tells anyone. Specifically it's making me think about Tim who is Bruce's dad not telling Bruce because he doesn't want to worry his son. He doesn't want to worry his grandchildren/siblings either so he puts in colored contacts and wears glasses when his cowl isn't on. The glasses and an ear piece have the same tech as his cowl to tell him where everything is.

How long would it take them to find out? Tim would never tell them, so do they find out on accident because Tim forgot the contacts that are his normal eye color, or because Ras is mad at Tim and tells them what Ras did to Tim? Maybe he got to mad and while ranting at a Rouge (either Harley or Two Face would be especially funny if he's just been hanging upside down and ranting and raving fo 30 minuets already) over one of their traps, he accidentally lets slip that he's blind, or maybe he yells at Riddler, "Nygma, this isn't fair! I've been completely blind since last July and my usual tech that tells me what's around me is getting fucked by your signal jammer! So either read the riddle to me out loud or let me go!" and then later Riddler scolds one of the other Bats for letting the blind one do the visual puzzles much to their confusion.

Hi!!! I love that fic so much! Have you seen the sequel for it as well? It's short, but a great read. I would die for more of this concept.

In that fic, Bruce turns out to be a good dad. While I may hate Bruce, the way that guy handles the situation in that fic is fantastic.

However, I would like a fic where this concept gets a delayed reveal. In the AU, Tim figures out how to function without his eyes.

He engineers technology to read people's facial expression/body language to help him out. It reads words for him, etc.

I wonder what excuse he'd give for wearing the earpiece and glasses all the time. Maybe he says it's another aspect to separate Timothy Drake from Red Robin?

Just Tim gaslighting and girlbossing his way into pretending he can still see. I kind of want him to keep up the ruse for a long while.

When he does get found it, it'd be hilarious if the others forget he's blind. Tim has engineered technology to assist him, but he still can't see. So they'll try to take him to activities they did together when he could see (like star gazing) or they'll ask him what he thinks of the color of their outfit. He also ruthlessly uses his blindness as an excuse to mess with people. If Timothy Drake-Wayne is known to be blind, he'll use it to accuse Luthor of being ableist at every chance he'll get. He also bullies the shit out of governmental agents and companies that don't provide accommodations.

I'm also a fan of Riddler finding out about it, but him just changing his puzzles to be accommodating. I'm biased towards Riddler (I love him so much) so it'd be cool to see the silent show of support like that.

Another AU idea: When Tim blows up Ra's bases, the explosions cause him to become deaf or hard-of-hearing.

Dealer's choice on how much hearing he loses, but I feel like this could be great to explore deafness and misconceptions commonly held in our society.

Tim would probably already know how to sign and lip read (might even know multiple different sign languages), but he would face a few difficulties.

He chooses not to disclose his hearing loss

People often cover their mouths or face away from someone when speaking (which makes lip reading arduous)

Ableist people suck

The world is set up for hearing people, so a lot of issues stem from a lack of accommodations rather than Tim's ability to hear

Tim chose not to tell anyone about the change in hearing for a few reasons: he doesn't trust anyone (especially during his adjustment period) and he doesn't want to be underestimated (wants to prove himself in the field before they try to pull him from it).

As far as technology to help him, the comms were easier to program than other auditory inputs. Since they were designed to transmit clear voices, he merely has to train a program to automatically close caption whatever is spoken (the automatic ones used today are useful, but still make too many errors for Tim's preference. Some also only do words automatically and leave out helpful information like laughing, choking, screaming, computer dings, etc.). Each Bat member has their own designated color. For those he doesn't interact with often, it says their name before every time they speak up.

Tim incorporates the visual overlay into his goggles and glasses. He can read what people contribute to the conversation based on that. It also leaves his hands free so he doesn't need to look down. His wrist computer stores records of what has been said so Tim can go back over it if he misses it. He also has the ability to change where the words appear on his field of vision.

I also hc Alfred is the first to notice that Tim is staring intently at his lips when he talks and has difficulties with the conversation when Alfred changes the way he pronounces words or isn't facing Tim (this is before Tim's tech gets perfected). From then on, Alfred makes a point of facing Tim whenever the teen is in the room. They both don't talk about it until the rest of the family finds out (however long that takes).

Feel free to add more to either AU!

[amethystarachnid]

Would you consider involving Tony's parents in a one-shot? I've seen a few one-shots with his parents alive and being the best parents, and I really like that idea. If that's okay with you, I'd like to request 18. Resolution Reflections with Young!Tony Stark x f!Reader, his parents are throwing a New Year’s party and it's the first time Tony and Reader are spending it together and the first time she's going to his parents' house, they're going to love her and be proud of their son dating a good girl. At midnight, they share a kiss and their New Year’s resolutions/reflections, their shared dreams, and the promise to always achieve everything together, just pure fluff 🥰 and you can set in modern times, don't need to go back to the 90's 🥰

NEW YEAR EVE - part I

⤷ ANTHONY “TONY” E. STARK

ᯓ★ Pairing: Young!Anthony “Tony” E. Stark x fem!reader

ᯓ★ Genre: romance, fluff

ᯓ★ Request from: MARVEL Holiday special

ᯓ★ Story type: one shot

ᯓ★ Timeline: they're on their last year of high school

ᯓ★ Word count: 5.2k

ᯓ★ Summary: what the ask said

ᯓ★ TW(s): nothing

ᯓ★ Part II

ᯓ★ I think I went a little off track with this and I notice only now that the story is complete, I'm sorry if this isn't exactly what you asked :(

ᯓ★ My Masterlist

ᯓ★ MARVEL Holiday Special

ᯓ★ MARVEL Multiverse - choose an AU, pair it with your favorite character and make a request!

ᯓ★ Songs & Superheroes tales - The Game (to make a request, follow the rules on the link!)

ᯓ★ MARVEL Bingo

ᯓ★ English isn’t my first language

The invitation comes casually, like most things with Tony. He’s lounging on your bed, one arm tucked behind his head, the other flicking a small gadget between his fingers—a prototype, no doubt, that he whipped up in his spare time. The room smells faintly of burnt solder, thanks to his earlier tinkering. You’re perched at your desk, trying to study, though it’s hard to focus with him stretched out there looking entirely too comfortable in your space.

“So,” he says, drawing the word out like he’s testing the waters. “What do you think about spending New Year’s Eve with me?”

Your pencil stills over your notes, and you glance at him with a raised brow. “That depends. What do you think about spending New Year’s Eve with me?”

He rolls his eyes, that playful grin pulling at his lips. “Obviously, I’m in. But there’s a catch.”

Your stomach flips a little, and you don’t know why. Tony catches your hesitation immediately because, of course, he always does. He props himself up on one elbow, his expression softening in a way that still catches you off guard, even after all this time.

“Hey,” he says, voice quieter now. “It’s nothing bad. I just… well, my parents are throwing their annual party, and I want you to come with me. Meet them.”

You blink, the words landing heavily in your chest. Meet them. As in Howard and Maria Stark. The man whose name is on every headline, whose brilliance (and sometimes questionable ethics) cast a shadow Tony can never quite escape. The woman who appears in magazine spreads looking flawless and untouchable, like a queen in designer couture.

“Tony…” you start, but he’s already scrambling off the bed, crossing the room to you in a few quick strides.

“Before you say no,” he interrupts, crouching beside your chair, “hear me out. They’ll love you. I mean, how could they not? You’re… you.”

You let out a soft laugh, though it’s more nervous than amused. “You’re biased.”

“Damn right I am.” He leans his chin on the edge of your desk, looking up at you with those warm brown eyes that can talk you into almost anything. “But I mean it. They’ve been bugging me to bring you around anyway. And this party? It’s just a bunch of people standing around drinking overpriced champagne and pretending to care about the ball drop. You’ll fit right in.”

Your chest tightens at the thought. Fit right in? Not likely. Tony’s world feels so far removed from yours sometimes, even if he never treats you that way. He’s always been good at making you feel like you belong, like it doesn’t matter that his idea of a normal day includes private jets and cutting-edge labs while yours involves coffee runs and library study marathons.

“I don’t know,” you say finally, chewing on your bottom lip. “What if they… what if I don’t make a good impression?”

Tony straightens up, tilting his head as he studies you. “You’re nervous.”

“Of course I’m nervous!” you blurt, your voice higher-pitched than you’d like. “Your parents are—well, they’re them. What if they think I’m… I don’t know, not good enough for you?”

His expression shifts, and for a moment, you think you’ve offended him. But then he reaches for your hands, pulling you to your feet. His grip is warm, steady, grounding.

“Okay, first of all, no one gets to decide that but me,” he says firmly. “And second, they’re going to love you. Trust me.”

The way he says it—like it’s an unshakable truth—makes your heart squeeze. Tony Stark isn’t always the best at expressing his feelings, but when he does, it’s impossible not to believe him. Still, the idea of standing in a room full of people who know Tony as the heir to one of the biggest empires in the world feels daunting.

“I don’t even know what I’d wear,” you mumble, trying to stall.

Tony smirks, his usual cocky confidence slipping back into place. “Oh, that’s easy. I’ll pick something out for you.”

You narrow your eyes. “If it’s anything like that weird futuristic dress you sketched for me last month, I’m saying no.”

“Hey, that design was ahead of its time!” he protests, though he’s laughing. “But fine, we’ll shop together. Deal?”

You sigh, the fight slowly draining out of you. It’s hard to say no to Tony when he’s this determined. And, deep down, you know he means well. He wouldn’t be asking if he didn’t think you could handle it—or if he didn’t want you there.

“Okay,” you say at last, your voice barely above a whisper. “I’ll go.”

The grin that spreads across his face is so boyish and unguarded, it almost makes you forget why you were worried in the first place. Almost.

The days leading up to the party pass in a blur of preparations. True to his word, Tony drags you to a boutique downtown, where he insists on finding the perfect outfit. It’s an exhausting ordeal—he vetoes nearly every dress you try on, claiming they don’t do you justice, until you finally settle on something sleek and elegant that makes you feel like maybe, just maybe, you won’t stick out like a sore thumb.

“You look amazing,” Tony says as you step out of the fitting room, his gaze lingering on you in a way that sends heat rushing to your cheeks. “My parents won’t know what hit them.”

The night of the party arrives faster than you’d like. Tony picks you up in a sleek black car that’s almost too nice to sit in, dressed in a tailored suit that makes him look older, sharper, every bit the heir to Stark Industries. He whistles low when he sees you, offering his arm with a grin.

“Ready to make an entrance?” he asks, though he doesn’t wait for your answer before leading you to the car.

By the time you reach the Stark mansion, your nerves are a full-blown storm. The house is enormous, glowing with warm light against the crisp winter night. Guests in designer gowns and tuxedos mill about on the front steps, sipping champagne and exchanging pleasantries that sound more polished than genuine.

Tony squeezes your hand as you step inside, his touch a lifeline. The air is thick with the scent of expensive perfume and the low hum of jazz music. You spot waiters gliding through the crowd with trays of hors d’oeuvres that look too pretty to eat.

He leads you through the crowd with ease, pausing now and then to exchange pleasantries with people who seem eager to talk to him. You’re introduced as “Y/N,” no titles, no qualifiers, just your name. It’s both comforting and terrifying.

And then, there they are—Howard and Maria Stark. They’re standing near the grand staircase, an impressive pair that commands attention without even trying. Howard is tall and broad-shouldered, his sharp suit and carefully combed hair giving him an air of authority. Maria, by contrast, is elegant and understated, her smile polite but unreadable.

“Mom, Dad,” Tony says as you approach. “This is Y/N.”

Maria’s gaze softens as it lands on you, and she extends a perfectly manicured hand. “It’s so lovely to finally meet you,” she says, her tone warm but measured.

Howard offers a nod, his smile faint but not unkind. “Tony’s told us a lot about you.”

Your stomach twists, but you manage a smile, hoping it looks more confident than you feel. “It’s nice to meet you both,” you say, your voice steady despite the nervous flutter in your chest.

Tony’s hand brushes yours, a small, reassuring gesture that grounds you in the moment. For now, it’s enough.

Maria’s handshake is delicate but firm, her presence somehow simultaneously inviting and intimidating. As she releases your hand, you see her eyes flicker toward Tony, a faint smile tugging at her lips. Howard’s nod is accompanied by a polite once-over, as if he’s quietly assessing you but doing so in a way that doesn’t feel overly critical. For all your nerves, the atmosphere is not as icy as you had feared. Yet you’re acutely aware of the importance of this moment—these people are more than Tony’s parents. They’re titans of industry, figures who seem untouchable from a distance, and now they’re looking at you like they’re ready to get to know you.

“So,” Maria says, her voice smooth and composed, “we’ve been hearing about you for months now. It’s lovely to finally put a face to the name.”

“It’s lovely to meet you too,” you reply, hoping your voice doesn’t betray the butterflies rioting in your stomach. “Tony speaks about you often as well.”

Tony lets out a short laugh beside you, clearly amused. “Not too much, I hope. Don’t want to ruin the mystique.”

Maria chuckles lightly, her sharp eyes twinkling with subtle amusement. “Oh, I think we can handle it. So, tell us a bit about yourself, dear. Where do you come from? What’s your family like?”

It’s a straightforward question, but it feels loaded under the circumstances. Still, you’re determined to make a good impression.

“Well, I’m from Midtown,” you begin, smoothing the fabric of your dress unconsciously. “My family’s pretty small—just me, my mom, and my younger brother. My mom works as a nurse, and my brother’s still in middle school.”

Maria’s smile doesn’t waver, and there’s a flicker of interest in her expression. “That must keep your mother very busy. Nursing is such an admirable profession.”

“It does,” you agree, your confidence bolstered by her genuine tone. “She works long hours, but she’s amazing. She’s always been my role model.”

Howard’s deep voice cuts in next, not unkind but more direct. “And what about you? Tony mentioned you’re quite the student. What are your plans after high school?”

You glance at Tony briefly, catching the way he’s watching you—there’s a quiet pride in his eyes, a silent encouragement that steadies your nerves. Turning back to Howard, you answer honestly.

“I’m planning to go to college,” you say. “I’ve applied to a few schools already. I’m hoping to major in environmental science… maybe engineering. I’ve always loved the idea of building things or coming up with solutions to problems.”

Maria tilts her head slightly, her smile deepening. “Engineering? That’s wonderful. And very fitting, given who you’re dating,” she teases lightly, her gaze sliding toward Tony.

Tony grins, unfazed. “What can I say? I’ve got a type. Brilliant and beautiful.”

You roll your eyes at his shamelessness, but Howard chuckles, his posture relaxing slightly. “Good answer,” he says, clearly pleased with his son’s response. He turns back to you. “Environmental science, though. That’s not the most common choice. Why that field?”

You take a deep breath, finding your footing as the conversation shifts into territory you’re passionate about. “I’ve always cared about the environment,” you say. “I think it’s one of the biggest challenges our generation will face. And I want to be part of the solution. Whether it’s renewable energy, conservation, or designing more sustainable technology… it feels like something that matters.”

Maria’s gaze softens, and she exchanges a look with Howard. There’s something unspoken between them, an understanding that passes with a single glance. When Maria speaks again, her voice is warm, almost approving.

“That’s a very admirable goal. And one that’s becoming more important by the day.”

Howard nods in agreement, his demeanor shifting slightly as if he’s already decided you’re worth listening to. “It’s good to hear someone your age thinking about the bigger picture. Too many people overlook that kind of thing.”

You smile, your nerves easing with each passing moment. Their approval feels genuine, not forced or obligatory, and it gives you the confidence to keep going.

“I think it helps to have people around who believe in you,” you say, glancing at Tony again. “He’s been a big part of that for me.”

Tony’s grin widens, and he slips an arm around your waist, pulling you a little closer. “Don’t let her fool you,” he says. “She’s the one with the brilliant ideas. I’m just lucky to be around to hear them.”

Maria’s laugh is soft, but her eyes are bright as she watches the two of you. “You two seem very good for each other. It’s always nice to see that kind of balance in a relationship.”

Howard’s voice carries a hint of approval as he adds, “Tony’s lucky to have found someone like you. I’m glad he has someone who’s keeping him grounded.”

The words catch you off guard, but they warm you from the inside out. It’s the kind of sentiment you’d hoped for but hadn’t dared to expect. Tony, for all his bravado, has always had a complicated relationship with his parents. Hearing his father speak so openly about his pride in Tony’s choices feels significant, like a rare glimpse into a side of their dynamic you don’t often see.

“I’m lucky too,” you say softly, meeting Howard’s eyes. “Tony’s brilliant. And he’s always pushing me to do better, to think bigger. I think that’s what makes us work so well together.”

Tony’s arm tightens around you briefly, and you catch the faintest hint of a blush creeping up his neck. It’s rare to see him speechless, but the pride in his expression is unmistakable.

Maria’s smile grows, and she steps forward, placing a gentle hand on your arm. “You’re a lovely young woman,” she says sincerely. “And it’s clear you mean a great deal to Tony. Thank you for joining us tonight.”

The warmth in her words makes your chest ache in the best way. You hadn’t realized how much you’d been craving their approval until now, but the genuine kindness in Maria’s tone makes it all the more meaningful.

“Thank you for having me,” you reply, your voice steady despite the swell of emotion. “It’s been a pleasure meeting you both.”

Howard steps forward then, offering his hand again. This time, his grip feels a touch more personal, less perfunctory. “Keep an eye on him for us,” he says, a glint of humor in his eyes. “Lord knows he needs it.”

Tony groans dramatically. “Okay, okay, that’s enough parental bonding. Can we go check out the snack table now?”

Maria laughs softly, waving you off with a graceful flick of her hand. “Go, enjoy yourselves. We’ll talk more later.”

Tony doesn’t need to be told twice. He takes your hand, leading you away from the crowd and toward the quieter corner of the expansive room. Once you’re out of earshot, he stops, turning to face you with a mischievous grin.

“So? How’d I do?”

You blink, caught off guard. “You? What do you mean?”

He leans in closer, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “I mean, did I pick the right moment to introduce you? Were the lighting and ambiance sufficiently romantic? Did I sell my pitch as the proud boyfriend?”

You laugh, the last of your nerves melting away. “You were perfect, Stark. But your parents? They’re…”

“Scary? Intimidating? Too good at making you feel like they’re reading your mind?” he offers, grinning when you nod.

“A little,” you admit. “But they were also… really nice. I think it went well.”

Tony’s expression softens, his cocky façade dropping for a moment. “Of course it did. They’d have to be crazy not to love you.”

You roll your eyes, but you can’t help the smile tugging at your lips. “You’re such a sap.”

“Only for you,” he replies, his grin turning wicked. “Now, come on. Let’s grab some dessert before my dad ropes us into a conversation about corporate ethics.”

As he pulls you toward the snack table, his hand warm in yours, you realize that the evening is far from over—but for the first time, you’re not worried. Tony’s world may be big and overwhelming, but tonight, it feels like you belong there. And as you glance back to see Maria and Howard watching you both with quiet pride, you think they might just believe that too.

The grandeur of the Stark residence is even more overwhelming as the evening progresses. Every corner of the room seems to hold someone important, conversations buzzing with words like "stocks," "mergers," and "international markets." It’s a world you’re still adjusting to, and though Tony has never made you feel out of place, you can’t shake the occasional pang of self-consciousness.

Excusing yourself to the bathroom gives you a moment to breathe, away from the intensity of the crowd. You splash a little water on your wrists and smooth down your dress, giving yourself a pep talk in the mirror. You’ve already managed to win over his parents—something you hadn’t expected to happen so easily. Surely, you can handle the rest of the evening. After all, Tony is by your side.

When you step back into the main room, the sight of him immediately draws your attention. He’s standing near a sleek bar setup, surrounded by a small group of men in sharply tailored suits. Even in this crowd of CEOs and industry giants, Tony stands out. His confidence is palpable, his charisma effortlessly commanding the attention of those around him. You hesitate, unsure whether to approach. They’re deep in conversation, and the last thing you want is to interrupt or seem out of place.

For a moment, you consider waiting on the sidelines until the discussion wraps up. But as if sensing your presence, Tony glances up, his eyes finding yours almost instantly. A slow, warm smile spreads across his face, and he waves you over with a subtle beckon. The gesture feels intimate, personal—a quiet reassurance that no matter who he’s with, you’re always welcome.

As you approach, Tony’s smile deepens. When you’re close enough, he leans in and presses a soft kiss to your cheek. “There you are,” he murmurs, his voice low but unmistakably fond.

One of the men in the circle clears his throat, and you notice his expression shift into something between surprise and discomfort. He’s older, probably in his fifties, with a thin mustache and a stiff posture that screams corporate formality.

“I wasn’t aware you had… company tonight, Stark,” the man says, his tone carefully measured.

Tony smirks, clearly unbothered. “This is my girlfriend,” he says simply, his arm slipping around your waist. The ease with which he says it sends a thrill through you, though the reaction from the group is mixed.

“Your girlfriend?” another man echoes, his brows lifting in surprise. He looks between you and Tony, as if trying to piece together a puzzle. “Forgive me for asking, but whose daughter are you?”

You blink, caught off guard by the question. “Oh, I’m not…” you begin, glancing at Tony for help.

“She’s not anyone’s daughter in this room, if that’s what you’re asking,” Tony interjects smoothly, his tone laced with just enough edge to make it clear he doesn’t appreciate the implication. “She’s here because she’s incredible, not because of her last name.”

The mustachioed man—Mr. Carmichael, you think you heard someone call him earlier—looks visibly taken aback. “I didn’t mean to suggest—”

Tony cuts him off with a light laugh, though there’s an unmistakable sharpness beneath it. “Relax, Carmichael. I get it. You thought I’d be interested in your pitch about your daughter. Honestly, I’m flattered, but as you can see, I’m pretty happy with my current situation.”

The color drains from Carmichael’s face, and the rest of the group shifts awkwardly, clearly unsure how to proceed. You feel a mix of emotions—embarrassment, yes, but also a fierce kind of pride. Tony’s confidence in you, his unwavering refusal to let anyone question your place by his side, makes you stand a little taller.

“I’m sorry,” you say quickly, trying to smooth over the tension. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation.”

“You’re not interrupting,” Tony says firmly, giving you a reassuring squeeze. Then, addressing the group, he adds, “Actually, I think you guys might want to hear from her. She’s planning to study environmental science and engineering. Pretty smart, huh?”

The shift in the room is almost comical. Where moments ago they seemed skeptical, even dismissive, now their expressions are filled with curiosity.

“Environmental science?” one of them repeats, his tone suddenly much friendlier. “That’s an interesting field. Are you planning to focus on renewable energy?”

You nod, a little hesitant but grateful for the opportunity to steer the conversation into more comfortable territory. “That’s one of the areas I’m really interested in,” you say. “There’s so much potential for innovation, especially with the way technology is advancing. I think it’s one of the most important challenges we can address.”

The man—his name tag reads “Jameson”—nods thoughtfully. “Smart choice. The industry’s going to need more forward thinkers like you.”

“Thank you,” you say, the praise giving you a small boost of confidence.

“And you’re still in high school?” another man asks, his tone tinged with disbelief.

“Yes,” you admit. “Tony and I are in the same grade.”

Carmichael, who’s been uncharacteristically quiet, finally speaks up. “High school, and you’re already thinking about global challenges like that. That’s… impressive.”

You’re not sure if his approval is entirely genuine or if he’s simply trying to recover from his earlier misstep, but either way, you offer him a polite smile. “It’s something I’m passionate about. And I’m lucky to have people around me who encourage me to aim high.”

Tony beams at that, his pride in you practically radiating. “She’s underselling it,” he says. “She’s not just aiming high; she’s going to change the world.”

The men laugh, but it’s not mocking—it’s the kind of laugh that comes with genuine admiration. For the first time, you feel like you belong in this circle, like they’re starting to see you as more than just Tony’s girlfriend.

The conversation continues, flowing more easily now. They ask about your thoughts on sustainability, your experiences in school, and even your plans for college. With each question, you find yourself relaxing, the initial tension fading as you focus on the topics you’re passionate about. Tony stays by your side the whole time, chiming in occasionally with his trademark wit but mostly letting you shine.

At one point, Jameson leans closer to Tony and mutters something you can’t quite catch. Whatever it is, it makes Tony laugh—a genuine, delighted sound that makes your heart skip a beat.

When the group finally disperses, Carmichael offers you a polite nod. “It was a pleasure meeting you,” he says, his tone markedly more respectful than when the conversation began.

“You too,” you reply, feeling a small sense of victory as he walks away.

Once you’re alone with Tony, he turns to you with a grin. “See? Told you they’d love you.”

You roll your eyes, though you can’t hide your smile. “I think they were just surprised. They probably expected you to be dating someone… different.”

Tony raises an eyebrow. “Different how?”

“I don’t know. Someone from their world, I guess.”

He shakes his head, his expression turning serious. “You don’t have to be from their world to belong in it. You’re amazing, and if they can’t see that, it’s their loss.”

The sincerity in his voice makes your chest tighten. You lean into him, letting his warmth and confidence steady you. “Thank you,” you say softly.

“For what?” he asks, his tone lightening again.

“For making me feel like I belong here,” you admit. “Even when I’m not sure I do.”

Tony presses a quick kiss to your forehead. “You don’t just belong here,” he says. “You make this place better. Don’t ever forget that.”

As the evening continues, you find yourself settling into the rhythm of it all. The grandeur of the event doesn’t feel quite so intimidating anymore, and every time you catch Tony’s eye, you’re reminded of why you’re here. In his world, by his side, you feel like you truly belong.

The night unfolds in a swirl of laughter, conversation, and the occasional clink of glasses. You find yourself more comfortable now, moving through the party with Tony’s reassuring presence at your side. The grandiose world of the Starks—one that had once felt so intimidating—begins to feel a little more approachable. With Tony holding your hand or whispering jokes into your ear at every turn, it feels like you’re in on some kind of secret.

Eventually, you find yourselves slipping away from the crowd. The party hums on in the background, the faint strains of a string quartet mingling with the murmur of voices and the distant pop of champagne corks. Tony leads you down a quieter hallway, away from the main rooms, until you’re standing in front of a set of tall windows that overlook the sprawling grounds of the estate.

“Needed a breather?” you tease as he presses his forehead to the cool glass.

He glances at you, grinning. “I thought you might need one. Not that you weren’t killing it back there, but, you know, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to step away from the CEOs and their unsolicited opinions.”

You laugh softly, crossing your arms as you lean against the window beside him. “It’s not as bad as I thought it would be. I think I actually had fun.”

Tony straightens, his expression softening as he looks at you. “I knew you’d be amazing. I don’t think there’s anyone who can’t see it.”

You roll your eyes, but your smile betrays your attempt to brush off the compliment. “You’re biased.”

“Absolutely,” he admits without hesitation. “But that doesn’t make it any less true.”

The glow from the lights outside casts his features in a warm hue, and for a moment, you lose yourself in the way he’s looking at you. There’s a tenderness there that makes your chest ache in the best way—a feeling that no matter how big his world is, you’ll always have a place in it.

“What about you?” you ask, breaking the silence. “Do you ever feel like you need a breather from all… this?”

He tilts his head, considering the question. “Sometimes. But you make it easier. When you’re here, it feels less like a circus and more like…” He trails off, his lips quirking into a wry smile. “I don’t know. Like it’s something I actually want to be part of.”

Your heart skips a beat at his honesty. “Tony Stark, are you saying I make you want to behave?”

“Let’s not go crazy,” he says with a laugh, though there’s a glimmer of seriousness in his eyes. “But yeah. You keep me grounded. And you remind me that there’s more to life than just impressing a room full of people.”

He reaches for your hand, lacing his fingers with yours. For a while, you stand there together, watching the stars outside and enjoying the rare quiet moment. The faint sounds of the party drift down the hall, but here, it feels like it’s just the two of you.

“Do you think we’ll still be doing this ten years from now?” you ask suddenly, the question slipping out before you can think too much about it.

Tony doesn’t hesitate. “I hope so. But maybe not this.” He gestures vaguely toward the distant murmur of the party. “Something better. Something ours.”

You glance at him, surprised by the depth of his response. “Ours?”

“Yeah,” he says, his tone casual but his gaze steady. “Like, I don’t know… maybe a New Year’s Eve on a beach somewhere. Or in some cabin in the mountains. Just us. No suits, no CEOs. Just you and me.”

The thought makes your cheeks warm. “That sounds… perfect.”

He grins, leaning in to press a soft kiss to your temple. “Then we’ll make it happen.”

For a while, you stay tucked away in your little corner, stealing a moment that feels like it belongs entirely to you. Tony tells you a ridiculous story about one of his father’s business trips, and you counter with a memory from a summer vacation when you and your brother tried to camp in your backyard but got scared off by a raccoon. You laugh until your sides hurt, your voices low and close in the quiet hallway.

As the clock ticks closer to midnight, Tony reluctantly pulls you back toward the main event. The energy in the room has shifted, the hum of anticipation building as the new year approaches. Guests gather in clusters, glasses of sparkling cider in hand, their conversations a little louder and their laughter a little freer.

Tony finds a spot near the center of the room, his hand never leaving yours as he leads you to stand by his side. The two of you are surrounded by a sea of faces, but all you can focus on is him.

“Two minutes to go,” he murmurs, glancing down at you with a small smile. “You ready?”

“For the new year?” you ask, feigning nonchalance. “I guess.”

He nudges you gently. “For everything. This year, next year… all of it.”

Your breath catches at the weight of his words, but before you can respond, the countdown begins.

“Ten! Nine!”

The voices swell around you, and you feel Tony’s hand tighten slightly around yours.

“Eight! Seven! Six!”

You glance up at him, and the way he’s looking at you makes the rest of the room fade away.

“Five! Four!”

Your heart pounds in your chest, each second stretching out as the moment draws closer.

“Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!”

The room erupts in cheers, the sound of voices and clinking glasses filling the air. But all you notice is Tony as he leans in, his free hand cupping your cheek as his lips meet yours. It’s a kiss that feels like a promise—a declaration that no matter what the new year brings, you’ll face it together.

When he finally pulls back, his forehead rests lightly against yours, and his voice is soft, just for you. “Happy New Year, sweetheart.”

“Happy New Year,” you whisper back, your cheeks warm and your heart full.

The noise around you gradually fades into the background as the two of you share a quiet moment in the middle of the bustling crowd.

“So,” Tony says, his tone lighter now, “what’s your resolution?”

You think for a moment before answering. “To keep chasing my dreams. And to make sure we never lose sight of ours.”

He smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “I like that. Mine’s to make sure you know how proud I am of you every single day. And… maybe to be a little less reckless.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Maybe?”

He laughs, the sound warm and familiar. “Hey, I’m a work in progress.”

You shake your head, but your smile lingers. “We’ll figure it out together.”

“Always,” he says, his voice filled with quiet certainty.

The two of you stand there for a while longer, watching as the party continues around you. People laugh, toast, and embrace, the room alive with celebration. But in your little bubble, it feels like the world has stopped.

As the night winds down, Tony pulls you close, his arm draped around your shoulders as you lean against him. The future feels vast and uncertain, but with him by your side, you’re not afraid. Together, you’ll face whatever comes next—one dream, one resolution, and one New Year’s kiss at a time.

[hyog-blog]

Fangs of Fortune (ep. 06 - ep. 07)

Uh, not Li Lun, out of all people, making everyone finally question why Zhu Yan actually killed Yichen's brother and all those people years ago. We know he lost control over his malicious energy, but why didn't anyone ask him why it happened? Come on, people, you seem to be so smart))

Well, Wen Xiao seems to be accepting enough to not care about what our gorgeous Demon Lord has done in the past, which is quite refreshing. Ambiguous, morally grey characters need more unconditional love (especially when they're, uh, 34,000 years old? XD). But he doesn't even seem to be so 'grey' at this point - he's doing too many good things right now.

The whole thing with being a 'vessel for malicious energy' is quite intriguing. Was he born like that? Can he actually stop 'the cycle of rebirth'? Why did he 'lose control' after so many years of cultivation? I'm also trying to figure out the timeline - the killings must have happened after he dropped Wen Xiao off at what seemed to be the gates to the demon-hunting bureau. But she wasn't staying there when that stuff happened? Did his demonic self come back there just to wreak havoc or for some other reason? Was Li Lun involved? Mmmm, the plot is deliciously mysterious, I will have to wait to get those answers.

Also, I can't even be angry with Li Lun at this point, although he's playing the bad guy now - the poor baby was so visibly hurt when Zhu Yan called him a scumbag. And that painful look he had when our Demon Lord thought something along the lines 'screw you, I know how to wake this boy up from his nightmare' and pierced himself with Yichen's sword (which, uh, seems to be quite a recurring motif and the symbolism of it isn't escaping me, nope XD). In the world of jianghu, the next best thing you can do to show you CARE apart from cutting sleeves is to stab (or get stabbed by) the person you care about. Or get stabbed FOR the person you care about.

I also love how effortlessly Yichen is third-wheeling without creating a feeling that he's actually third-wheeling XD Wen Xiao is obviously biased towards Zhu Yan, now even more so that she knows he IS that Great Demon who accompanied her and the Bai Ze Goddess all those years ago. I would totally trust him, too, if I were her. I also love the messed-up dynamic of a former caretaker/child who's grown up because now Zhu Yan definitely doesn't give us those parental vibes, he's oozing sensuality wherever he goes (and him pretending to be all hurt so she stays with him, ahah, that whole sequence was cute and hilarious). And Zhu Yan saying something along the lines that they now get to 'meet all over again' - was it to build a new relationship with her from scratch? M-hmm, yummy, utterly delicious :D

And you can see how Yichen kinda sorta admits defeat in the way Wen Xiao no longer needs his protection against the 'big bad demon' (the man is using his big bad demonic energy to push her swing, for Christ's sake XD), but still can't let the other man go so easily because of REASONS and that 'you'll have to pay for your sins either way' thing still going on between them. Zhu Yan does know what buttons to push when it comes to Yichen, but the feeling seems to be quite mutual (they're cute together and their interactions are so yummy 😍). That scene at the temple is EVERYTHING. And then at Zhu Yan's mansion with the swing. Is he swinging both ways? Ahah XD For a 34,000-year-old being I don't see how that could be an issue)))

Okay, cutting and piercing still seem to be the show's love language and I APPROVE (never had a kink like that, but there's a first thing for everything, I guess XD). The undertones just make it all so yum))

The introduction of the new character, Yinglei, was hilarious))) We also find out that the Wilderness is crumbling down, which makes the whole Bai Ze token thing even more important.

/and I've finally reached the picture limit in one tumblr post, ahah XD/

[leidensygdom]

So, one of the thoughts I've been having about AI of late (and the people defending them) is the people who try to defend it from an anti-capitalist, anti-copyright perspective. I can understand that there are AI bros that just like the convenience of cheap art (or even to run AI mills of any kind) and that they're being inflammatory or seeking to make a quick buck (and I hate them for it), but the perspective of "I'm defending AI from a communist perspective" it's truly the one that baffles me.

Like, let's be real. Who is pushing for it? Why is every large tech giant desperate to normalize it? Why are they trying to put it on every single thing you own? Why are they trying so bad to make the investment worth it? genAI is here because really rich people want it. Because it benefits companies. Because it's already been used to bypass any already ridiculous data protection the average person had, and data equals money to them, as they can use it to make increasingly more weaponized advertising. Instagram has been using it to generate images of people without their consent. Will ads simply include your face using their product? Who knows! But this is a massive concern for data privacy (and for consent)

People try to talk about artists who oppose AI as "entitled", "the biggest fans of IP law" and "acting as temporarily embarassed burgeoise who wants to ascend class through their art". The large majority of artists are already struggling to make ends meet as it is. Very few of the people you'll see complain online are doing much, if at all, through art. That one furry artist whose work you love who covers kinks and genders that the mainstream would not understand in 7 more decades isn't someone aspiring to be part of the upper class through they art. They literally just want to make a living.

Quite a large portion of internet artists are people who either make art that wouldn't fit the mainstream for different reasons (too subversive, too unique, too inflammatory, whatever), are disabled/ND people who have very limited options to make a living, or part of marginalized groups that have issues finding more standard jobs in bigger companies. Or several of these at the same time. These people aren't the evil capitalists you want them to be for trying to defend their work (and their livings).

Maybe, if AI existed in a world where everyone had an Universal Basic Income and their worth and chances of living were independent from their ability to commercialize their art, a lot of artists would care far less for it, or copyright, or anything. But it does not exist in a vacuum. The ones who are more staunchly vouching for AI are the actual big corporations that a lot of the people criticizing IP/copyright are usually opposed to. Can we talk about the way these corporations want to use AI to control social media? To standardize misinformation? How you can't generate a lot of things with it due to extreme sanitization? How it will tell you biased information as facts, knowing you won't fact check? How the use of genAI, ChatGPT and so is directly hurting people's ability to fact-check and have critical thinking? Maybe that's the most pressing issue, and the reason AI is being pushed as hard as it is.

Are the people who are at higher risk of losing their jobs to AI going to get compensated? Once companies start culling translators, customer service workers, videogame devs, writers and artists, VAs, and everything else they can replace, will they receive any compensation? No? Then maybe stand the ground with your fellow workers and hear their complaints about AI. Again, it does not exist in a vacuum, and as long as it doesn't, it will hurt a lot of people as companies seek to save up few cents.

But no, let's pretend that opposing AI is always made because every artist on the Internet is sitting comically massive piles of money they made drawing socially unacceptable queer art that gets them banned every other month from sites.

[little-skunk]

Your art and headcannons are so silly and cool, if I was an out little id so follow and like the heck out of you but im too shy... I visit ur profile a lot and your dandys world little headcannons are so silly and real <3 you don't have too but it would be really interesting to see ur take on who shrimpos cg would be and how their dynamic would work like!! Personally I think Goob would be a sweet one but thats a little biased... anyways im rambling ur awesome and keep being awesome!1! ⭐

Thank you so much! I'm always glad to hear others get comfort out of the stuff I make, it means a lot!

Before Glisten was officially in the game, he was the ONE toon I thought Shrimpo would genuinely like as a caregiver. Considering Glisten looked like he could be fairly rude and sassy when he wanted to be, I imagined them as a pair of mean girls.

It ended up really long so the headcanons (and a little doodle page) are below the cut!

Glisten ⊙°

More than any other toon, Shrimpo actually looks up to Glisten quite a bit. Shrimpo really likes him as a caregiver too, but sometimes he can't help but think he's wasting Glisten's time.

- Glisten is rather firm with rules when Shrimpo is little because he knows the consistency and expectations of them keep Shrimpo calm and in-check. Shrimpo respects Glisten and knows better than to try and pull anything with him. He also really likes how theatrical Glisten can get when they play pretend together, it makes things a lot more fun. Overall, Glisten is surprisingly good with kids, even with ones that have a temperament like Shrimpo.

- Shrimpo has a really difficult time reaching out, even when he knows he needs help. He almost see Glisten as 'above him' so he feels like he's wasting the other toon's time when he wants or needs to be babysat. Glisten also isn't the best at helping when Shrimpo is crying or sad, which doesn't help either.

- Glisten is best at taking care of him while he's around toddler headspace, but Shrimpo is comfortable enough to stick around when he's regressed to early teen years as well (usually when he's older he prefers to be alone, Glisten is the biggest exception to this).

- Around toddler age, Glisten like to play with Shrimpo by doing things like read alouds, coloring activities, finger paint (with heavy supervision), and playing pretend with action figures and toys. When Shrimpo's older, they play video games but Glisten always lets Shrimpo win if he can. And also when he's older Glisten tends to not hover as often because he knows Shrimpo would want more space and less doting. He generally trusts Shrimpo to not do something stupid when he's around 13+

- Glisten has the hardest time getting a toddler Shrimpo to bed, he is a very firm fighter when it comes to sleep. The one thing that gets him out like a light is hot chocolate, Glisten discovered. But of course, Glisten doesn't want to give in and let him have all that sugar every night, so instead he lays with Shrimpo and quietly reads (even if he reads through the whole book, he'll just start over) until he is sure Shrimpo is asleep.

- If Shrimpo is feeling fussy and says something mean to Glisten, without fail, Glisten will feign feeling offended/hurt and a majority of the time Shrimpo will end up scrambling to apologize and make him feel better moments after because he didn't mean it.

Goob ☆°

I do get the appeal of Goob and Shrimpo being a pair because Shrimpo could have a soft spot just for Goob, however I don't really think Goob is someone Shrimpo prefers as a caregiver unless he is in babyspace.

- In his normal toddler headspace Shrimpo absolutely loathes being coddled and babied, but Goob's love language is cuddles and doting on little ones. This leads to Shrimpo being very combative while Goob tends to be more sensitive for lack of a better word, and doesn't really know how to handle an angry little. Another problem is, Shrimpo knows Goob is too kind to properly enforce punishment, so he will often act out and do things against the rules on purpose with him, because he knows Goob won't make him face any consequences that matter to him.

- When in babyspace, Shrimpo tends to be more quiet and calm and is much more receptive to Goob's cuddles and caring style. He's probably too ashamed to admit it, but Goob is always his favorite when he's feeling particularly small. Goob just knows how to make him feel better after a meltdown.

- Both Shrimpo and Goob prefer to be little playmates rather than little/cg. This is pretty much the best middle ground for both of them. Shrimpo doesn't feel like he's being babied and feels less need to act out and rebel, and Goob doesn't have to feel as responsible or stressed out.

- Shrimpo doesn't like keeping many toys of his own, so Goob often brings some of his own toys along to play with in Shrimpo's room, like a dollhouse with a bunch of different toys, or fidget toys, or puzzles when he's an older toddler age. Goob likes playing with Shrimpo a lot, but he also usually gets too into it and regresses by accident.

- Goob actually prefers to be a big brother to Shrimpo since usually Goob is the little sibling. When Shrimpo's in babyspace he treasures the moments he gets with the bubbly little shrimp cradled in his arms. Goob gets why Scraps is so protective over him when he sees Shrimpo so small and vulnerable like that.

Teagan ♤°

A somewhat unexpected but very comforting caregiver to Shrimpo. She is a naturally motherly toon, but she also is particularly good with Shrimpo because she knows how to work with him through tough emotions or tantrums. She is very calm and patient despite how combative Shrimpo can be sometimes.

- Sometimes just the tone in Teagan's voice gets Shrimpo feeling small. She'll gently scold him for doing something he knows he shouldn't be doing, and he just melts.

- Shrimpo really appreciates how patient Teagan can be, even when he's being difficult on purpose. With her, he almost feels bad for misbehaving because of how she motivates him with praises (that he absolutely isn't used to hearing).

- Teagan really does care about Shrimpo and hates to see him beat himself up or try to deal with his issues alone. Her favorite moments with him are when he's small and sleepy, which makes him very cuddly and affectionate.

- Teagan found out that tea helps Shrimpo fall asleep without a fight (given to him in a sippy cup of course, wouldn't want any spills).

- Teagan takes care of a few other littles, so unfortunately she's not available as often as Shrimpo's other caregivers. Shrimpo isn't really comfortable with being taken care of with other littles around either (except Goob).

- Similarly to Goob, Teagan is very good at helping Shrimpo calm down during a tantrum/meltdown. She never raises her voice even when she's frustrated, and she tries to get Shrimpo to talk about his issues with an indoor voice. She always tries to give him options to try and help him with whatever's bothering him.

- Shrimpo really likes to hear Teagan sing for bedtime. Teagan doesn't really think she's that good at it, but she knows Shrimpo loves it so she does it for him.

- Teagan is the only caregiver that Shrimpo uses a parental nickname with, he likes to call her mama when he's small enough. Teagan thinks it's really sweet but doesn't comment on it to save him the embarrassment.

----------

Originally there was a section with Dandy instead of Teagan, but most of the headcanons were rather negative so I scrapped it. Instead, here are some little blurbs left over.

- Dandy is better at being a babysitter than anything else (to Shrimpo at least).

- Shrimpo likes to hang out with Dandy when he's in a teen headspace because he likes to rant and Dandy is good at listening without adding any unsolicited advice.

- Dandy has noticed subtle tells Shrimpo has when he is feeling small but not quite regressed, and he often teases Shrimpo when he notices him doing them to get him regressed.

Also. Here's the reason why the request took so long (procrastination)

[kritzel]

Adams Past Thoughts

(English isn't my first language so sorry if I make mistakes)

After finishing HH I got to thinking, was Adam always the way that we see him in the show.

Because he, Lilith and Eve were created without original sin. So it wouldn't make sense for him to be a complete idiot from the beginning.

Here's what I think could be a possibility on what happened (after all we don't know how biased Lilith's book is):

First he and Lilith are created

Maybe he didn't really boss her around and it was more like a situation of a sibling telling the other sibling what to do (I know they where married but it's the only example I could think of)

"Just because you're older doesn't mean you can tell me what to do" kinda way (since Adam probably was made first)

But it was not supposed to be an order from Adam more like a suggestion

So Lilith walks of and meets Lucifer

Heaven realises Lilith won't work as a wife and they create Eve from Adam

Eve is a lot more naive than Lilith

Adam is explicitly told to look after her and make sure she is alright

He does just that and they both are happy together

Lucifer and Lilith create the fruit

And in a rare moment where Eve isn't with Adam she finds the tree

Eve eats the fruit

She gives it to Adam

He eats it too because he loves Eve and doesn't want her to endure the punishment alone

Everything goes downhill from here

I believe they were not really capable of feeling negative emotions before they ate the fruit

Eve being the first to eat it develops a lot of doubts towards Adam

Why wasn't he looking after me? That's what he was supposed to do now we are stuck in a world filled with danger and death

Adam ,who before the fruit didn't care about Lilith leaving him, was now starting to yearn for the woman he never had. She was supposed to be his and now she is with the most hated being of all creation.

They never really expressed the thoughts they had after eating the fruit with eachother

Resentment started building up without them really noticing

They still held love for eachother and tried to survive in a world full of danger

It went alright in the beginning

They had two kids

Everything seemed to look up

But of course Cane kills Abel

And that was the last nail in the coffin

Adam and Eve could not cope with the loss of both their sons (let's pretend Seth never becomes a person in this story)

They still tried to stay together

But the resentment grows bigger

Love turns into hate and a lot of hurtful things are said between them

They separate and go there different ways

And lets pretend Eve really did have something with Lucifer

As soon as Adam hears about that his hate for Lucifer and Eve just grows bigger

What is wrong with these women? What is it about this Lucifer?

He develops a lot of doubts about himself in his living life. Which causes him to develop the fear of being left by anyone who he lets into his life.

After he died he hears all about how great he is being the first man and all

And over the years he starts believing that he can do no wrong and it was only his wife's and Lucifers fault that everything went to shit

And even though deep down he wants a meaningful relationship he opted to just go for hook ups in fear of losing someone again

And after a few thousand years those things develop into the kind of person we see in the show

But this is just one possibility

I hope it is understandable what I'm trying to convey

Please share your thoughts with me.

What do you think happened all these years ago?

[oacest]

hi scholars, i'm sorry this is not a fun topic. the new r*ssell brand news got me thinking. apart from a few exceptions, why does noel have such horrible taste in male friends, and has it been always like this? since when he started hanging out with those creepy male comedians? is he friends with them because he’s just a poor judge of character or is there more to that? what do you think?

noel was also friends with johnny d*pp but i believe he was more like his (and meg's) bestie’s bf rather than his friend. i’m sure he doesn’t talk to brand anymore but it’s so baffling to me that they're the people he willingly associate(d) himself with. maybe i’m biased but noel doesn’t have the creepy vibes his mates have and looks out of place to me when he's with them. i've listened to one of the matt morgan podcast episodes where noel mentioned some of the comedians he liked and all of them turned out to be cancelled it’s not even funny. so i guess they have similar sense of humor and morals...even though I don’t like to pick sides, i think liam is 100% justified for slagging off his brother’s circle of friends.

i'm sorry to say that cancel culture is not a realistic way to engage with or make meaningful observations about human behaviour! unless you live in a deeply asocial manner (and even then...), it's not possible to get through life without knowing, befriending, or even loving and being intimate with a wide array of people who do terrible things. pretending otherwise isn't healthy or constructive. for better or worse, noel is a man (supposedly) who was born and enculturated in the 60s in a very particular socioeconomic circumstance, and then moved on to a very different socioeconomic circumstance, both of which are.. shall we say.. Known to be hotbeds of all kinds of wretched activities and ideologies. if anything, we should be astonished he's as conscientious as he is. by which i don't mean we should fall down in gratitude at his feet for sometimes being respectful of others lmao, only that we need to think holistically about how people's lived experiences inform them. by definition he understands the world differently than an online american 19yo in the year 2025. he's not choosing his friends or who he finds funny by applying the same metrics you might. the man (in)famously was delighted to hobknob with tony blair ffs lmao, be real.

otoh, while he maybe doesn't use the wording that people in leftist spaces these days like, to his credit he has repeatedly and consistently over the years been quite forthright in condemning misogyny and racism as he understands them, and seems generally to do his best to act in accordance with those beliefs.

but he's a famous rich white guy who hangs out with other famous rich white guys, and shares a lot of the same ideas and beliefs! odds are very good a high percentage of that demographic is going to end up being sketchy. (although for what it's worth he'd already distanced himself from russell brand years ago due to prior instances of shitty behaviour.) no one can accuse noel gallagher in particular of being performative about his opinions and choices lol, he's an idiot in a lot of ways, but this urge to make celebrities virtue signal harder than anyone else due to their "platform" is pointless at best, and i would say downright dangerous in general. i know you've sent this ask in perfectly good faith and im not trying to preach or wag my finger, but i can tell you that the instinct to hang your hopes and emotions on a celebrity you like behaving to your particular specifications is asking for disappointment at the very least. he can like whatever shitty comedians he likes, it's not our business or responsibility to approve or disapprove of that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(and for the record there is no world in which liam is LESS sexist than noel or somehow more "woke" lol, all his complaints about noel's friends are based on personal jealousies and agendas and have nothing to do with moral superiority.)

[slaaverin]

I have listened to the first hour of the reading, and I feel so warm, because what do you mean that Jikook and us have communication?

This feels so true because who else did they film the show for? It can't be for the cult, it can't be for solos who hate them together, it can't be for the fandom because they've ignored it for the most part. It was for us, those who support them. I always felt this was the case but to hear it insinuated is so lovely. I love the thought of that balance between us, where they know we support them, and we love and cherish their bond, and they allow us in slowly but surely. That is is reciprocated. That as Blue said 'they are sharing their reality'. 'we are observing what is there'. How privileged we are that we get to see them, as they are, and they allow us to do so, because they know we will keep them safe, and protect them. My jikook heart.

Awww anon this part of the reading made me go incredibly soft 🥹

I think none of us can pretend to know how much Jimin & Jungkook are involved with the fandom and the fans in general. We don't know what they know, what they see and don't see, if they read our words, if they know how much we love them.

It's healthy and honest to say we don't know.

But at the same time, and maybe I'm the only one? There's a strong feeling within me that says that they indeed know and that they even appreciate it a lot.

It's in the little things. The way they acknowledged jikookers on several occasions, the way they openly share that part of themselves like they know some people will receive it and that's maybe why they don't look scared of doing so. And as Blue pointed out in the reading (you may have not watched this part yet) but the constant reinforcement of our beliefs and reassurances (some might call it jikook karma) feels incredibly validating for us. Call me delulu but it's like jikook, they see us. They know. They understand. I would even go as far as saying they love us because it feels like just this - unconditional love from them. AYS really seemed like a gift specifically for us.

It's not something we can know for sure, but nonetheless this intuitive feeling we have as a collective - I don't think it's wrong.

Navigating life is hard in many ways. Because sometimes you have belief and intuitions but there is no one holding absolute truth pointing the way and saying to you "you were right." But "right" isn't even the proper word because truth has so many facets that none of us will ever be truly "right" with anything. No, it's more the case of a gentle reassurance that you are aligned with something real, I would say aligned with love. But words escape me to explain this.

So to me this reading came as a shock, because there are many things in it I have been intuitively feeling but couldn't tell if it was somewhat real or only my own perspective.

So when you see your own thoughts laid out like this in cards (that are in themselves neutral, brought by Spirit) it simply shook me.

As part of the jikook community, I feel very seen right now and understood - like Spirit told us "Yes. It's right. It's good. It's love. You are not crazy."

She even said something I never dared say out loud anywhere because I always thought my perspective was biased since I am a jikooker and that, surely not?

But what she said about God (call it whatever you want) favouring jikook and jikookers I always felt that it was true. I don't know why. We always joke "jikook are god's favorites" but guys honestly I think that it might be closer to reality than we realize.

Of course I don't pretend to comprehend God's plan, it's way too big and complex for our human minds to grasp. And God is unconditional love itself. Of course it also loves taekookers just as much at their core.

But I don't know if you guys see it, but it's really like we are all in a scenario (it's exaggerated here) where we are people engaging supporting unconditional love and jikook are the embodiment of it. Jikook have themselves a very movie like romantic love story and we are the faithful followers fighting for love and truth against """evil""" and it truly feels sometimes - the way things play out - like God wants us to "win" in a way.

I know it's completely subjective and exaggerated because from God's perspective there is no good and evil and there is no battles to fight since we are all unconditional love.

But still in the movie of our collective it truly seems like this and it's rather funny.

I don't know what God's plan is about but I am very curious to see how it will all play out and where it will lead us and jikook.

How will the story end? What God has in store for us? This is really exciting.

Of course this assumption doesn't give us the right to jump on our morally high horses and feed our ego like we are somewhat better than anyone. But still, it's funny to think about.

This reading (and also my own personal syncronicity I shared with Blue) it all feels like a very gentle reassurance from Spirit.

I know it in my heart now that we are all very much loved by God, by jikook themselves, and that there's nothing more to do but to give love in return (to fellow members of our community, to jikook, to All-that-is.)

There is a soft warmth in my heart that sings with joy for our willingness to engage with unconditional love like we do. And everything feels incredibly right, doesn't it?

Do you think the same?

Yes, we'll certainly keep them both safe 😌 let's cherish them a lot 💜

Thanks for sharing your thoughts anon, sending a big hug to you 💜🫂

[egg-emperor]

I understand if you don't want to answer this because of the rage around this conversation, but I wondered how you personally would feel if Eggman was recast in the near future?

Not asking about whether he should or shouldn't be, just about how it would affect you and your love for purely the character. And if he were to be recast, what kind of things would you be looking for in the vocals of an Eggman successor?

I'm hesitant to discuss it but Tumblr has proven itself to be way more chill and understanding than Twitter and not be so eager to jump and attack me, hopefully that will continue. The latter demands you stop liking his voice or pretend you've never even liked it, deny the talent, and that there's only one "correct" way to feel about a voice change because of things that have not and should not be discussed on my blog

Mike's voice for Eggman is character-defining and synonymous now. That's something that can't be denied after 20+ years, 22 in August. When I see written Eggman he's the first voice I hear and always will be, and I actually heard Deem first and enjoy his voice just as much. Both Deem and Mike's helped a lot with me falling in love with the character and no other voices make me feel the same

So I'd be sad to hear a different voice come out in a game. I won't lie and say I wouldn't care or would be happy because I can't snap my fingers and make decades of love for the voice and admiration for the talent to go away because it's what would make people "still like" me and how I "can still be happy" (to quote real things I've been told). It's upsetting that I can't express joy in hearing his voice the way I always have without being attacked now

It would make Eggman feel like a stranger to me because his voice isn't like literally any other voice in the English cast, it's character-defining, synonymous, and integral to him. I'm not just saying that because of my opinion and bias, he's the only one who has kept his voice in English for over 20 years and was even the same voice in all shows, promos, and other media in English for years before the movies and still with the cartoon versions up until Prime

There's also the way it's such a unique voice with the specific gravel in the throat type gruffness, range between the comedy and the drama with the peaks and valleys influenced by Jiminy Glick, and the age in the voice. It defines Eggman's humorous side, serious threatening side, theatrical energy, his confident attitude and charm, and reflects his age all in one voice in a way that's hard to replicate. It's powerful, fluid, engaging, and entertaining

Both Deem and Mike's performances are what makes me feel the same excitement and delight that looking at the character without a voice coming out of him feels and no other actor in official media or fan stuff has hit the same way. You could say that part is biased but it makes sense when they're the first two I heard with one very shortly after the other and have now enjoyed them both for two decades as their takes helped me appreciate the character

I don't know what I'd be looking for because I just don't want him to sound different to Deem or Mike. And Mike's is so unique that you'd be hard to come by someone who can recreate it or come up with another voice that captures and emphasizes all those traits of Eggman's character authentically at once. There's a reason they chose not to recast during the last major recast in 2009/10, they chose his reaudition so they couldn't find anyone else they felt worked

But I do know what I don't want and it's all the fan casting I've seen people suggest. None sound like they'd capture his charm, confidence, and energy as well. They don't have those ranging peaks and valleys to his voice that keep him engaging and entertaining. They sound flat, lack the energy, the gruffness, the age, the capacity for both humor and ham or seriousness of his character, never all at once and that's very important. It'd be huge boots to fill

I can't pretend I liked Brian's take in Prime either. That's to say nothing of his talent, I'm sure he has voiced many other characters brilliantly and I really did try to have an open mind and give it a chance but it just didn't work for Eggman when it's just too obvious to hear how flat and lacking it is of the specific characteristics and energy. You can tell he's trying to push for that Mike sound at times anyway and it feels too forced but without that it sounds even more off too

But yeah if such a thing happened, I'd be sad to see the end of such a huge era that I feel like a lot of people weren't around for as long as me to really understand it so they kind of downplay or overlook how much of a huge impact it had on the character and the series itself even on the English side. I've been a fan of the character for 20 years this year, to be demanded to suddenly switch that passion off or be attacked is a crazy thing to experience that I never expected

And Mike's performance is what I heard for hours playing PS2 Shadow 2005 late into the nights escape from the hardships of my life as a kid, playing all of Eggman's missions, seeking out every in game trigger for the voice clips where it feels like he's experiencing the stages with you so I really got to know and fall in love with the character, along with all the other games. Both Deem and Mike's performances make Eggman the Eggman I know and love

With Eggman being a character where I love every single aspect down to the tiniest detail and my blog is about appreciating him exactly as he appears, acts, and sounds in the games- it'd feel weird for something of him to suddenly change. While I'll never stop loving the character ever, I'd struggle to get used to it and it wouldn't replace the Deem or Mike I hear seeing him and I don't know if they could create that same feeling either so something huge would be missing