#I know it seems a little ridiculous
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Neynari's parents and Se'txelu/Rolukx's parents, respectively. I've sketched concepts for these characters before, but it's been two years and they were sorely in need of updates. So here's updated concepts!
#oeyä ayskxawngtsyìp#given some of the NPC designs in afop: artificial hair coloring as a fashion seems to be canon for the western frontier clans#(i assume it's artificial coloring and not natural variation because the little tuft on the tailtips is always standard black#even when the head hair is red/brown/blonde)#(and also you can unlock greenish and purplish hues for the player character's hair)#ANYWAYS yeah that said i imagine Seylana started coloring her hair blonde after Neynari was born#to match her daughter :)#vontxu has a bit of an unsettling demeanor but i promise he's actually a nice guy lol#just not always great at expressing himself#tanu's scars come from a near-fatal hunting accident he was involved in when rolukx and se'txelu were young#as you can see he did survive and is fine now...but it was a close call#lunaya wears an absolutely ridiculous amount of hair beads and yes they do all make clicky clacky noises every time she shifts even an inch#might clean/color these eventually (or draw new ones to clean/color) but. we'll see#i do want to do at least one colored doodle of seylana and young!neynari just for the hair color thing#but when will i do that? who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#could be this weekend. could be next year ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ we'll see#my art
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cody being a character that values order etc thriving (as much as anyone could) on kamino, an environment that appears to be highly structured and emphasises these qualities (in many ways then, cody is a product of his environment - these are qualities which were encouraged on kamino, and therefore in order to survive and, by extension perhaps protect his brothers, cody actively cultivated these qualities in himself). thus, on being faced with war (which as much as he may attempt to enforce it, lacks the order suggested by kaminoan training) cody is at a (relative) loss. as much as he tries to plan perfectly, to impose order on that which defies it, ultimately he cannot do so completely. his inability to protect those under his command completely, to cody, appears as a personal failing (he can no longer exercise or rely on order / structure to protect those around him, the war cannot be controlled by him). therefore, whilst cody is a highly capable tactician and commander, in order to protect himself from the pain of losing brothers through (what is to him) his own failing, he isolates himself socially. this of course only makes things worse. in this essay i will -
#it’s thinking about cody hours !!!!!#i love taking three suggested things in canon and extrapolating them to ridiculous lengths <3#what’s the point here ?? idk i’m just thinking about cody again#i know cody having very few interpersonal relationships in canon is simply bc there’s very little cody in canon#however#also i’d like to note that kamino is in no way a place cody could really control however he performed well (and potentially helped others to#do so) so to baby cody this seemed like he exercised some control bc he could at least predict how things would happen regularly etc etc#idk i feel like this does not make very much sense#cody my beloved cody#i love giving him issues <3#commander cody#tcw cody#ally’s star wars thoughts
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#I wasn’t going to post abt this again but it rlly bothered me#I rlly dislike how normalized condescension and downright hostility in the lolita community is#all I did was send a silly little tier list that I put my own time and effort into making#but instead of just…. doing the ranking multiple people decided to be blatantly rude to me because of the title?#like 1. it doesn’t even matter 2. it’s just the fucking title#they also seemed to blatantly misinterpreted what the title was#it said ERA at the end because it was a tier list of the era that AP made things in that particular style#the title wasn’t ‘aps Swassic releases’#I just didn’t know what else to title it yet somehow that was enough to be rude to my fucking face and even comment further to basically#make fun of me#genuinely it’s tiring and ridiculous#sorry that I didn’t title it#the era that angelic pretty made some Swassic#some gothic#some creepy cute#and some sweet releases#like jfc this community’s issue with nitpicking and condescension is why people no longer want to try and do fun things#everyone always asks why blogs and YouTube channels and lolita media in general is dying and it’s because#trying to do anything even for fun in this community is met with these kinds of responses#over a TITLE#that literally doesn’t fucking matter#like I try very hard to avoid ranting because I don’t like conflict but what the fuck#it’s very disheartening#I mean maybe they didn’t realize I made it and they were pretty much making fun of me to my face but even the#why be ok with making fun of smthn ANYONE did just for fun#yaps
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Recent images I suppose ~
#First one is THE LONG series of GEESE that fly by!!! my aforementioned friends... Or I think I referenced them in tags of some post#days ago. and how I love watching them. See how many there are? And multiple of these will go by. It's like hundreds of them.#Then just the sky because I love the sky. My hair looking ridiculous as it always does when I brush it out of the four big braids I always#keep it in to keep it out of the way lol. I just find it silly how small it can be all braided up and then as soon as it is Released and#combed then it poofs into some sort of swamp dwelling wizard style.#Then... a daily word count... have been so busy the past week that I sadly haven't written much but I'm WORKING on it. Still on the blasted#'odd jobs' tasks sections which were SUPPOSED to be very quick and short. but.. alas.. Though I am on basically the last one. You go work#for one of the enchanting specialists in the city (very important in society since a majority of people cannot do that type of magic) and#basically he just works so much he has no time for a social life so he hires random people to sit with him in the afternoons doing menial#tasks. You show up thinking you'll help with some Important Job or something but hes just like 'no... peel this apple for me.. :)' lol#Edit note: arrgh just had to fish a slippery avocado pit out of a narrow garbage disposal drain with a chopstick. felt like some#sort of taskmaster challenge or something.. gods... I know some people just reach into them. I guess maybe#my hand would fit?? but... erm... scary. what about Sharp Things in there or something.. also Sludge of some sort perhaps.#ANWYAY.. interruption... I got up to go to the kitchen in the middle of typing my tags... lol..#Next image is SLEEPING boye.. And then PIGEONS!!!!!!!!!! my beloveds...#Oh then the giant evil hole in my bathroom ceiling which is STILL not fixed and the repair people still have to come back again.. BUT they#did have this terrible industrial dehumidifier thing they put in the bathroom and just left here for like 5 days and it was like a noisy#hairdryer going at all times and raised the heat in the bathroom from 65F to 76F in like two hours so.. I'm glad at least at their#last arrival they've finally taken it away.... the Noise Beast... silence in my house at last...#though I am still plagued by Mysterious Hole.. the plastic wrap rustles sometimes when I'm in there.... go away...#Ah. Then a delightful little lemon poppyseed muffin someone didn't want and then gave to me. Which was interesting since I haven't#had one in soooo long even though its like a very Classic Flavor.. I do quite like them though now that I've had one again. :0c#Lastly.. mushrooms. I think it's the mushroom season here. Everywhere you go outside there's some new manner of fungus#having popped up from nowhere. I like the variety of all their little shapes. These in particular have an interesting wispy curled layers#sort of look to them. Almost like a shaggy hairstyle that's curled up at the ends or something. They seem neat to draw perhaps.#Okay.. that is all.. I still have literally like 2 costumes and 12 outfits and I think 1 sculpture? to post.. but I am so busy this is#what I can manage for now I suppose lol... quick pictures that don't really take any sorting or cropping or editing lol#photo diary
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as a sokeefe and keefe hater, i hate the theory that shannon's keefe lover editor is responsible for the uptick in keefe in the later books
#kotlc#every time i see this theory a little more rage builds inside me#editors don't have that sort of power y'all. i hate to break it to you but this is entirely in shannon's control#although i do believe it's not what she really wanted. there's clearly some fan-pandering going on here#which i can't blame her for. she DOES have to make her coin after all. but blaming this on the editor???? are you guys okay#also are we completely forgetting that there's someone on shannon's team who's equally influential who's a fitz lover#seems like a convenient thing to leave out of the story#ridiculous awful horrible atrocious theory. biting and maiming and killing it. genuinely terrible#also you guys act like this editor is like. a massive flag-waving instagram-and-pinterest-level keefe stan#which she is not. you wouldn't even know she likes keefe if shannon herself hadn't said so. she's not at all obvious about it#all my opinion. but also this theory SUCKS#maybe i just want to believe shannon has even a semblance of control over her own story
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okay don giovanni review from last night. under the cut bc it's me. tldr the vocal performances were great, leporello carried the show, one of the most insane productions i've seen thus far but somehow in a new bizarre direction from normal. good snacks.
first of all i don't care how much wine you offer i think it's kind of ridiculous to charge $165 for a base ticket price for a performance that 1. isn't even in a concert hall or theater 2. is a concert performance rather than a staged performance (which was not advertised ahead of time) and 3. was not even a full production because they made the absolutely mind boggling decision to cut 100% of the recitative and replace it with Some Guy sitting on the stage narrating the plot between every 1-3 numbers
i did not pay that much gd bless. the student ticket was way cheaper.
the narration wasn't even good it was weirdly ungenerous to the women (like how do you even make elvira out be a "women, amirite" thing and also vaguely imply anna was into it in a production with zero acting? well they figured something out) and i don't think it even explained well enough what happens between each number to truly give a first time watcher a good idea of what's actually going on. not to mention that it absolutely kills any sense of momentum in the plot and makes the entire show drag like hell, because you have to wait between every single aria for either Some Guy to talk at you for three minutes straight, or wait awkwardly while people onstage walk off and people offstage walk on. it was so painfully clunky
they had a piano up there but since there was no recit it's not like she was accompanying much of anything. in practice what it ended up being used for was 1. the mandolin part for deh vieni (acceptable in the absence of a mandolin player; they were working with a limited chamber ensemble of musicians so i get it) 2. the party music at the end of act i (egregious fault imo because it absolutely kills the vibe of the scene and completely obfuscates the way the music is supposed to be adding to the tension and chaos with its different instrumental groups playing in different meters)
and 3. used to give singers their notes when the vocal line of their arias start on beat 1 measure 1, which they otherwise would have been able to get from the preceding recits (which is imo painfully amateurish for an ostensibly professional production)
all the numbers in act i were there although the narration was so bad i got jumpscared by fin ch'han dal vino because i forgot it was supposed to be there and thought we had skipped over that point in the plot. act ii had some really bizarre additional cuts made, notably they just entirely skipped over meta di voi and vedrai carino. it was like masetto and zerlina fuck off for the entirety of act ii save for, like, mille torbidi (they VERY briefly mentioned masetto getting beat up in the narration and i don't think they mentioned vedrai carino at all, they just skipped straight from deh vieni to sola sola. and also there was a painful awkward pause before deh vieni because i think the pianist forgot she was supposed to play there and the narrator jumped ahead to the next chunk of plot explanation too early). kept both dalla and tesoro (i'm fine with this ottavio was quite good though could've used a bit of ornamentation imo), kept mi tradi, kept non mi dir (more on that in a bit). no per queste which is probably a good thing not only for the show itself but also my head would have absolutely and irreversibly exploded if they had, probably
the whole thing kind of felt underrehearsed. like a quarter of the time it seemed like people didn't know what they were doing or had to be reminded where to be at that point in the show. and there were a few moments throughout where the orchestra struggled to keep up with the singers, but i really don't think they had much time to rehearse together, honestly.
and then, to my utter shock, the finale was actually really good?? like. insane compared to the rest of the show thus far. though it helps that 1. i absolutely love the harmonieband arrangements of cosa rara/i litiganti/non piu andrai, after possibly the draggiest non mi dir i've yet experienced it was like a breath of fresh air to hear that (and non mi dir was actually well performed i liked this anna but considering how much the Entire Show was dragging, the fact that they cut meta di voi and vedrai carino, AND the fact that they promised this act would be short, it felt crazy to me to keep it at that point.)
2. leporello and the don were by far the best performers of the night. so much so that i sought them out during the post show reception to tell them how great they were and enjoyed their performance. which i usually do not do, but in this like, high school recital ass production value. unbelievable relief that the final scene is dominated by the two actors in the show who most remembered that they can, and in fact Should, be acting. so much more movement and physicality and expression from those two compared to most everyone else. leporello especially, his actor apparently specializes in comedic bass roles and it shows, he was the standout all night
and 3. for the first time in the entire production they made an interesting decision regarding the physical space and staging! they had the commendatore sing from up on a balcony overlooking the audience in the foyer. the bar admittedly was set very low in the previous act and a half but the finale reminded me that i actually like this show again which is appreciated
though they then threw another curveball at me by Cutting the sextet at the end. which like didn't even piss me off at that point i was just baffled. like the don sinks down in agony and leporello sinks down whimpering in fear and the orchestra cuts off. and i'm expecting an awkward pause while they quietly get up and shuffle off so the rest of the cast can come back but nope. big orange title slate appears on the big screen behind them and the audience breaks into a roaring applause and the announcement of the wine and dessert reception. felt like i was in a fever dream
i will say the desserts were very nearly almost worth the bullshit that was the preceding show. they were so good. thank you austria for your dedication to pastry. and because i don't drink and couldn't appreciate the free wine offered i had to indulge in my own manner. spread contained chocolate oat bites (tasted as much like espresso powder as chocolate and coated in coconut, 4/10), almond sponge cake (classic, 7/10), cardamom apple bread pudding with caramel cream (not enough cardamom but otherwise very tasty and autumnal, 8.5/10) and honey cake (11/10. i don't know how they made this so good. i want more right now so much). i take both my mozart opera and my desserts very seriously.
anyway overall the production was. i would say frustrating. the singing quality was Really Good (leporello was the clear standout, probably followed by the don though i prefer my dons with a lighter voice but technically he was very good, then probably ottavio, then maybe masetto or anna. the commendatore was great but he's in it so little it's hard to compare)
i just wish they could have, like, actually done a full production. it would have been so great if they had gotten to tell the actual story and had been fully allowed to act. when there Was acting were the best moments of the show, and it's really unsurprising that most of that came from leporello, the absolute legend.
#no one respects a galant recit anymore. smh#sasha speaks#sasha reviews#don giovanni#opera tag#Really weird production. seemed designed to piss me off specifically in many aspects#frustrating in others because it DID have a lot of (mostly and regrettably squandered) promise that shone through in moments#but the singing was good. when there Was acting that was good. the desserts were good. the narration was dogshit i hate that so much#could not have fathomed producing a performance with a narrator replacing a recit#ZERO clue how they plan on applying that model to fanciulla later in the season.#if they do at all but it seems like a Thing for this company maybe? idk#don't know if i'll go see their carmen next spring. maybe it depends on my schedule#i think carmen might suffer a little less from the narration treatment comparatively since it can already be done with dialogue#as opposed to recit#idek how you'd do a puccini like that though. unless you just completely disregard narrative flow and comprehension#which honestly maybe they do. at least the flow part. including narration feels like they WANT comprehension (even if they do it poorly)#but don't seem to care about the flow considering how it butchered one of the best operas in the repertoire so far.#seriously if you just do what's written on the page for dg you have a slam dunk. and they deliberately chose not to. baffling#anyway carmen is at the french embassy next spring so maybe i just go to practice my french.#and see if they compete with austria for their refreshment spread.#and yes i realize now that part of the high ticket price is meant to cover the wine and desserts but i still think it's kind of ridiculous#okay done now bye.
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#like I really just can’t bring myself to care about any of this chart stuff lmao#I don’t care if the artists are personally driving the pettiness or what#I feel like it’s more likely the labels or management driving it all than the actual artists but what do I know#please these people are all getting their bag lol#like good for whoever gets number one but end result is they still sold a bunch of albums#just me though!#like I don’t begrudge anyone for caring about it! you do you boos!#I just personally could not care less#Taylor is going to be fine without my purchases lmao#she already has my money#(like I find it all a little crass and not in the ‘Taylor should step aside!’ kind of way)#(but in that it’s a little ridiculous how the industry encourages all this stuff for number ones idk)#(like I get that Taylor and everyone else are just playing the game)#(the game just seems dumb to me)
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went to milan last week and brought back some italian little guys :D
#and a little birb bc i've never seen a swan plush before so i had to take it home as well 👀#(normal things to buy when abroad hsjks)#alright but manga in italy is so RIDICULOUSLY inexpensive#i mean. yeah they're in italian and i'll have to rely on the power of the mutually understandable latin languages family#but still. wow?? great place. pretty buildings. amazing food. so many people. extreme heat. is that a bookstore? wonder where the manga is.#oh upstairs? oh there's an ENTIRE floor with endless manga?? RARE manga appears to be mainstream here???#IS THAT THE LEGENDARY NON-EXISTENT KAITO KID PHYSICAL MANGA HOLD ON#<- next thing i know i'm out of the store in a daze#checking to see how much it cost bc who on earth checks the price first when it's THE KID MANGA IN THE FLESH (paper?)#and i gasp out loud bc i got THREE volumes - that i frankly never even thought i'd ever see - at a price that here would buy 1 (one)#though interestingly enough i didn't spot a trace of bsd in any of the stores 🤔#also mystery boxes seem to be a thing? of course i had to try my luck as well - first sxf merch in the bag :D#and my melo even though i know next to nothing about the sanrio characters-#but well. in the spirit of jochum i think of them as the honorary internationally-available cousins#last but not least thank you kyotag for the travel tips and tricks! much appreciated. beautiful country. my camera roll is screaming
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every new doctor to their future/past self
#'im sorry you havent discovered my newfound skills in navigating moral grey areas and coping with past mistakes and being all mature and#healthy with my relationships'#'..........mature and healthy?'#dfhkghgkfhgkj#god i love carmilla so much#'ooookay :>'#'shes ridiculously easy to rile'#3 centuries of playing with her food is showing and it's sooo cute#they are such a gear shift to write btw ive been doing little scenes to see if i can get their voices but like#they will just talk about things????#i have no idea what to do with this fghkjghgjg#they will literally just bring up stuff that needs to be talked about and talk about it#and then 50/50 have sex abt it#i dont even know if i can write a scene if i cant keep the tension with all the Unsaid#like what do we DO if not beat around the bush??#so far it's been researching austrian history#carmillaposting#maybe the reason most carmilla fanfic seems to be aus is that theres so little you need to add or improve on when it comes to hollstein#for other pairings sure theres a lot of gaps you can play in but for these two they kinda did it all#so people are just rewriting the whole thing but without magic this time ghfkjghgjk
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I wore men's joggers and kept getting the hole in the front caught on drawer knobs after dropping from tiptoes while grabbing things (I'm short and yet put things on top shelves, no I don't know why I do it to myself). Anyway, so I ask a friend how tf he avoids this and his only response was:
"Well I'm not fun sized and I don't particularly enjoy slamming my dick into things so.."
Like sir, that is unnecessary sass. So do you guys just have your hips tilted further back? Stand further back? Or what?
#me#my thoughts#feel free to weigh in yourselves lol#I'm just curious because this seems a little ridiculous#also no I don't like press up against things with my pelvis tilted forward constantly but if you've ever needed a top shelf item you know..
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Can Chinese Arcane fans confirm if the video going around about gay scenes apparently being censored there are real? Needless to say I do doubt stories about the big scary Chinese censors coming from people in the west but I can't be certain here without sources
#i went to douban and the top reviews all seem to be raving about lesbians lol so#arcane#tv shows#netflix#like im not saying its 100% impossible that a country would want to censor lgbt+ scenes but i mean!#i am a little skeptical here lol. the video looked ridiculous and well. we all know how bad the sinophobia online is
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#izzy hands#our flag means death#ofmd#Mazikeen has that gifset that mirrors the ‘there he is’ scene so perfectly#Pearl has ‘It’s over isn’t it’#I feel like people won’t know Drummer and Ashford but they are both so Izzy in different ways#unrequited gay crush on someone dating the protagonist who is a buffoon#vs grizzled old guy who is an antagonist but very honorable and totally reasonable the whole time#and they both have been pirates and first mates!#Drummer’s also got that ridiculous loyalty and the angry yelling#anyway Sevika’s the loyal henchmen who loses a limb and has to deal with her boss’s much sillier interest in another character#Izzy made me like her so much more than I first did#I have not seen Birds of Prey but Victor is a masochistic gay little henchman and that seems perfect tbh?#no idea who Pash is; please tell me#Tinkerbell and Jon were also recommended for this poll and IDK the parallel but it’s funny#I also want to add an honorable mention for ‘loyal henchmen with an unrequited gay crush’ Scorpia from She-Ra#But my beloved Scorpia is way too nice and unbeat to win here
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btw for the record if we have ever been in a situation where we had to stop being friends for whatever reason, i will still always hold you fondly in my heart. i will still think of every kind and small moment we had and i will miss you with every atom in my body. i will wait for you to come back and if you return, you will be no less of a friend to me than the day you left. i have no friendship decay
#xero says things#SORRY. SORRY. i know being suddenly emotional on main when i'm usually being silly is ridiculous but i felt the need to say it#i know this seems like a weird scenario but genuinely i have been in so many situations now where parents or peer pressure has made me-#-lose friends and mutuals#and sometimes i know we can still keep contact—just without the parents or the other person's followers knowing#but sometimes i visit their blogs using incognito browsers and i know they aren't coming back#and maybe i'll getvover it soon! maybe this feeling will pass quickly#but for the past 2 weeks i've just been missing my friends. i've been missing them a lot#so. uh. to make a sad post a little more cheerful#to all the friends who still talk to me or ignored what other ppl said about me#thank you#thank you so so much#you mean more to me than i can really express via words rn#vent#< for blacklisting bc i ended up getting more emotional in this than i intended LMAO
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Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)
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#twitter and other short form shit and everything being a Phone App On Small Screen instead of a Proper#Computer Website i feel like has just ruined the format of literally everything for me. Thoughts just keep getting more and more condensed#with detail and nuance taken away. everything over simplified into only the basics. blah blah blah. I've already probably rambled about thi#all before but it's just SO frustrating. I literally just CAN NOT talk that way!!! even if I try!!! I took multiple advanced placement#english & language arts classes in school and I literally never made below an A on any assignment EVER except for ESSAYS#where I would legit get almost failing grades just because I cannt express myself concisely. I took an english placement test thats made to#like evaluate your competency in a subject and out of the 102 multiple choice questions I only missed TWO of them. almost a perfect#score. But for the 5 open response questions (about articulating thoughts succinctly) I did not get a single one of them lol#I only got partial credit on 3. It's like I OBVIOUSLY understand the material and I know how Words Work and how to analyze and interpret#meaning and etc. etc. But it's just when I have to express myself CLEANLY I can't. It's always ''well you have very good points and you#get around to the idea eventually and I think it's very insightful - but it just needs to be shorter/the side tangent needs to be removed/#etc.'' I've always wondered if it has something to do with being on the schizophrenia spectrum and how that can cause disorganized#speech sometimes hmm..ANYWAY.. But I just naturally express myself in a very particular way which is lengthy and I can't rea#ly seem to control it. So it's basically like just.. being gradually pushed out of every place that won't accomodate people with different#ways of like perceiving and expressing or etc. Everything cannot ALWAYS be 100% 'Short and Snappy and To The Point' or a quippy one#liner or the Bare Minimum of information being provided or etc. Some peoples brains just do not work like that!!!!! Sorry I operate#in detail and elaboration lol. ANYWAY.. I still sometimes use random ''dating sites'' like OKCupid to look for platonic friends since#I never leave the house so it's hard for me to just meet friends naturally. And I just realized today that they added a RIDICULOUSLY small#character limit to their messaging system (2000 words?? augh). And also took away answer explanations (when you answer a compatibility#question you used to have a space to give detail and explain why you answered the way you did) and removed a few other features and it's ju#t like.. how the fuck is any of this actually helpful in terms of judging compatibility? take away ALL nuance and anyting that actually#is meant to tell you anything about a person? Bumble's character limits for your profile description are even more fucking insane and so#is every other disgustingly minimalistic place I've seen like.. OKC used to be superior BECAUSE it allowed for a TON of detail. like back i#2016 or something there was SO much data you could look at. long form question answers. personality trait summaries. etc. Now you have#SOO little to judge off of when evaluating compatibiility it's like. You'd have better luck just throwing a dart in a crowded street and#talking to whoever it hits. Why are people so fucking allergic to reading anything longer than 3 words and providing DETAILS!! It just seem#harder and harder to find any place to meet platonic friends where you have any amount of actual data to go off of and it isnt basically#just random 'speed dating' set up shit. AARGH. &I know 'oh just join a club& meet ppl irl' 1. erm..covid. 2.I mostly want to meet ppl#in places I'd like to move so I already know ppl when I get there. You kind of HAVE to do that online. bc I am not there yet.. WISHING for#Complexity.Com where ppl can upload full 900 page psychological files of themselves. MINIMUM profile character limit 30k words lol
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At least once every 6 months I become convinced I just literally cannot write fiction anymore. Considering that's a thing that actually happened with my poetry writing and my drawing ability it's a somewhat concerning idea. Currently in one of these phases now.
#I've found writing difficult ever since I hit my 20s#not only the never finishing anything and anything I do write taking an incredibly long time to actually produce#but like#just not knowing how to write a scene#I'll have huge blanks in the stream of a series of scenes where I just don't know how to describe people like#turning around#crossing a street#sitting down#and often I'll have thought the words to describe a scene out in my head and it's fine and then I go to write them down#and half of it's gone or somehow the quality has completely degraded and there's nothing worthwhile to put down#it's ridiculous#and like I don't know what to do about it and like actual Writing advice seems to not exist#like there's style advice and how to get yourself writing#and specific stuff like 'show don't tell' don't say 'feel' etc#but like nothing for like how to actually just Write#not that I even have a way to describe my problem in searchable terms anyway#writing exercises never help because they're always little mini scenes-- i.e. exactly what my attempts to write stories#tend to turn into disconnected collections of anyway#(this only applies to fiction because god forbid I be able to write anything for Myself)#(meanwhile 5000 pages of college bullshit come out fine)#(just like what happened with my artistic ability-- draw for the assignment: fine; draw for yourself? complete shit)#there's probably some way to get help somewhere hidden behind 500 paywalls that I'll never be able to access#sometimes I think eventually I'll just be unable to put two words together any longer and then I'll die
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the patch i want for bg3 is to be able to manipulate these men. i don't even want ethical polyamory i want to be a piece of shit
#this post is about gale of waterdeep#I KNOW IT WOULD BE SO EASY. I KNOW IT#you pick astarion and he gets all mad and has his little fit but if your approval with him is high enough#all you have to do is ask#like you know this man has no self respect. one ''but i miss you'' and he's already yours again#you tell him astarion never says he loves you in a sad wistful voice and his competitive side comes back!!!#seriously in the forest he was like 'go have your fun with him i'll make you choose me'#why does that part of his personality just disappear#not to even mention that the concept of astarion not being completely fine with you screwing other people for the vast majority of the plot#seems OOC to the point of ridiculousness#but anyway. i want to make them fight over me until they kiss#baldur's gate 3#gale of waterdeep#astarion#galetav#tavstarion
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