#I know it just looks like Kristin but the magical girl stuff is in the lore
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Old art of Kristin from my old magical girl au from last may/june (lore under the cut)
In the au she's a vigilante with Phil who is against Schlatt turning the artform of being a magical girl into a glorified, government funded dog fights/beauty pageants. Kristin was once actually apart of the MGA (Magical Girl Association/Arena) back when it was just a program that paid magical girls for the work they do for the city. But once Schlatt retired being a MG and started running the MGA more as a business, Kristin was kicked from the program for her powers being seen as "too gruesome and unprofitable".
The MGA makes its profits in two ways: Selling licensed merchandise of its MG's and letting outsiders watch/make wagers on the MGs fighting each other as training. Kirstin, also known as "Lady Death" when she's in MG form, has the ability of speeding up one's lifecycle by touching them. (think of the Forest Spirit from Princess Monokoke) The speed of this rapid aging does somewhat depend on her emotions and her relationship with whatever living thing she touches (Example: if she touches Phil while calm for 30 seconds, he'll age 4-5 years. But if she touches Schlatt for the same amount of time while emotions are high, he would be a pile of bones.) Her power is known as "Life Acceleration" and is theorized to contribute to her slower aging. This power cannot be turned off and she wears gloves 24/7 to prevent any accidental aging. Its also been theorized that once/if she dies, then her life acceleration will plague the world and cause the extinction of life on earth, but those are just silly fan theories and head canons :).
Well with this darker reputation in mind, Lady Death had a fairly small fanbase and an even smaller demand for merchandise. Lump in with the fact she can't train like the other MGs because of the risk of killing her fellow MGs. At first Kristin was pissed but rather understanding as of why she couldn't be a part of the MGA to an extent but as the policies became more restrictive and bias towards more "profitable magical girls", her patience with the program grew thin.
Her final straw was the day the MGA change their payment policies to the point where only the most popular and "brand safe" MGs could ever make a living under the MGA. A program where its whole point was to give the dozens of people brave enough to defend civilians from danger the resources and pay they need to continue their work is now throwing money to whoever throws more back. These new policies essentially forced Phil into finding a new job because what once could comfortably cover his life with Kristin and a small family down the line is now barely anything.
So, during the day Phil and Kristin work their full time jobs and at night they each do commission work as Magical Girls as a side hustle. Since the new policies there has been a shortage of MGs who can/are willing to deal with threats that are causing a muck. This has led to people personally commissioning Unofficial Magical Girls to do smaller jobs like patrolling on a smaller scale to prevent any situations from happening. Doing commission work is rather risky because its illegal to be a MG without a proper license and the only way to get one is if you're part of the MGA and you work under the programs regulations.
The couple, especially Kristin is very against the MGA and what has become of it. There was a brief moment in time where the two were very vocal of these changes in policies but the movement was not successful. Kristin to this day is a unofficial magical girl and her persona as Lady Death is still openly against the MGA. Meanwhile Phil has retired from the magical girl scene and is now focused on being a stay-at-home father.
#magical girl au#minecraft magical girls#kristin minecraft#mumza my beloved#trixtin#misstrixtin#mumza and dadza#philza#dadza#jschlatt#<-he's mentioned like twice#but damn they got beef#I wrote a lot more than I expected#mcyt#Idk how gender works in this#I guess everyone is like fem presenting but they keep all keep their preferred gender identity#I know it just looks like Kristin but the magical girl stuff is in the lore#I can't believe I still remember all this#There SO much more I can go on about and I probably will when I find the motivation to type it down
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Hi, can we get a bit more info on the Mundane(protagonist tommy and magic something everybody else au)? Like plotpoint, meetings? Im trying to bully myself into writing a fic
absolutely!! i would love it if you wrote a fic :D
also tons of people put cool ideas too so if you ever want more inspiration you can always look in the notes of the post!!
-Phil is a literal angel. like wings and everything. he doesn’t even hide them, but every single day, Tommy makes a joke about how Phil is a furry
- continuing with that, since I believe in death!kristin propaganda, Kristin is a goddess. Phil is an angel. Wilbur is a supernatural creature. Dream is a supernatural hunter. It makes dinner with dream incredibly tense, but Tommy is oblivious. Technoblade is just chilling
-Tommy: after dinner, Wilbur can sing us a song!
Dream, narrowing his eyes: what kind of song?
Wilbur, who probably has magic voice powers or smth idk: the kind you’ll never want to stop listening to (:
Tommy: omg wil can u play soft boy :D :D
-obviously Wilbur Phil or Kristin never actually fight with dream, it would make Tommy upset. So instead they’re just incredibly passive aggressive with each other
- there’s running theories within the magical underworld about what Tommy is to have attracted this much Crazy. Some people think gang leader. Some people think he’s some kind of magnet for the powerful. truthfully he’s just kinda Dumb
- a while ago, someone from one of the other’s Secret Lives tried to kill Tommy. Obviously they didn’t succeed, and Tommy didn’t even notice (bonus points if he completely accidentally evaded them and their attempts). But ever since then, everyone came together and decided to have someone stay with Tommy at all times. He hasn’t even noticed he has a guard, he just calls them clingy
- everyone else in like. the world knows gnf is actually [insert secret popstar name here] they just haven’t mentioned it out of politeness. Tommy on the other hand just genuinely has not noticed. George thinks that he’s an illusive master of disguise and is great at keeping his secret identity (he is not)
- there are 2 betting pools that end up getting set up amongst their friends. 1 that says whether or not Tommy knows or not. When it is eventually realized that he does not know, they set up a betting pool for when he’ll find out.
- technoblade bets a large sum of money it will happen soon, and since he doesn’t make a habit of losing, he dyes his hair bright pink to look like his magical girl counterpart. Tommy says that it looks good, and notices nothing else. Technoblade’s attempts continue to ramp up in ridiculousness until he comes out wearing a literal sailor moon outfit and a sign that says ‘I AM A MAGICAL GIRL’
- Tommy does not realize
- at one point, Tommy sees dream’s collection of super dangerous monster hunting stuff (I always think of dream as like a Winchester style hunter but u can adapt it ofc) and he just goes ‘wow dream you have a lot of guns. It’s the American in you, huh’
- he sees all of dream’s demon fighting stuff and goes ‘huh. Never knew you were catholic.’
- Tommy gets invited to tubbo’s giant lab where he develops his nukes and things. Instead of making the connection that his bestie is a mad scientist he just goes ‘wow tubbo you never told me you made props for a living.’ He then proceeds to get incredibly distracted by something completely unrelated to the nukes and forgets he’s in a giant lab
- I am a big supporter of adopted Tommy so I like to think he’s just a random kid they found on the street and since Phil tends to adopt any child shaped object that looks at him, he just like came home. Originally sbi had this hard time deciding whether or not to hide their secrets before going ‘it would be too hard to hide, we should just leave it out in the open instead and he’ll just figure it out’
- he did not, in fact, figure it out
- most of the supernatural underworld just does not understand Tommy, they all think something is like up with him, so they mostly don’t bother him. But every now and then he’ll get lost or something and a remarkably intelligent crow will show him the way home
- Tommy comes home and is like ‘I followed a crow home!’ And Phil thinks he’s gonna figure it out. In reality, Tommy just thinks there’s a crows nest in their house. He’s very excited
- since there are no birds in their house, he gets sad. Cue the rush from all of these incredibly cool and powerful people as they scramble to get some birds in the rafters. Tubbo builds some fake ones. Ranboo buys an industrial sized bag of bird seed. Wilbur tries to use his voice to charm them. dream and techno pour over spells and magic that would attract birds. Phil asks every bird in 40 miles to come live with him.
- eventually gnf shows up with a bunch of birds in a box. They come to him. He’s a Disney princess. He’s georgenotfound
- the birds make Tommy very happy. All is right within the world
#u can obviously add any spin you want on these! :D#and make ur own!! these are just some ideas I came up on the fly haha#plus tons of people made some awesome ideas in the notes of that post so u can always check there!!#and if u do write a fic tag me or send me the link!! I would love to read it :D#I also just like the idea of the entire supernatural underworld being like ‘tommyinnit. knows the most dangerous people alive. scary’#and then Tommy being ‘hm. i want pizza’#also I couldn’t think of much for ranboo im sorry anon hes ur problem#once again I will direct u to the notes of the other post bc everyone is incredibly creative and cool :D#asks#anonymous
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Scrapbook 2021 | Part I
For anyone that’s new to this, this is how I keep track of all of the things I enjoy and/or create throughout the year. I have literally been doing this since I had a livejournal. I think the first one was 2011? Maybe? In which case, woohoo, ten years of scrapbooking!
It’s a nice little snippet of my life and helps to organize my brain.
A reminder:
Normal font - Indifferent/Neutral Italicized font - Enjoyed bold font - Loved with an asterisk* - All time favorite (bracketed titles) - Re-watches/Re-reads strikethough - Disliked
Goals are: read 80 books, finish five video games, write more than 20 fics or something larger than 20k, and write either an original short story or start a novel.
Past Years
MOVIES
January
(Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring)
(Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers)
(Lord of the Rings: Return of the King)
Robin Hood
(Hook)
Wolfwalkers
February
(Age of Ultron)
From Up On Poppy Hill
(Tangled)
(Onward)
(The Mummy)
(Hercules)
(Promare)
March
Raya and the Last Dragon
(My Neighbor Totoro)
April
(Hunchback of Notre Dame)
(Tarzan)
(Beauty and the Beast)
Weathering With You
BOOKS
January
A Deadly Education | Naomi Novak [Fin]
Home Body | Rupi Kaur [Fin]
The Sunken Mall | K.D. Edwards [Fin]
Bloom | Kevin Panetta [Fin]
The Angel of Crows | Katherine Addison
All the Stars and Teeth | Adalyn Grace [Fin]
The Adventure Zone: Vol 1 | McElroys & Carey Pietsch [Fin]
I Hope You Stay | Courtney Peppernell [Fin]
Pillow Thoughts | Courtney Peppernell [Fin]
Piraneesi | Susanna Clarke [Fin]
The Ex Talk | Rachel Lynn Solomon [Fin]
February
The Adventure Zone: Vol 2 | McElroys & Carey Pietsch [Fin]
The Adventure Zone: Vol 3 | McElroys & Carey Pietsch [Fin]
The Angel of Crows | Katherine Addison
Alice Isn’t Dead | Joseph Fink
March
Winter’s Orbit | Everina Maxwell [Fin]
Fireheart Tiger | Aliette de Bodard [Fin]
Alice Isn’t Dead | Joseph Fink
Fire | Kristin Cashore [Fin]
Bitterblue | Kristin Cashore [Fin]
The Witch’s Heart | Genevieve Gornichec [Fin]
Winterkeep | Kristin Cashore
April
Alice Isn’t Dead | Joseph Fink [Fin]
Winterkeep | Kristin Cashore [Fin]
The Memory Theater | Karin Tidbeck [Fin]
These Violent Delights | Chloe Gong
(Red White and Royal Blue | Casey Mcquiston) [Fin]
Rule of Wolves | Leigh Bardugo [Fin]
Alice Isn’t Dead | Joseph Fink [Fin]
Not the Girl You Marry | Andie Christopher [Fin]
The Echo Wife | Sarah Gailey [Fin]
The Midnight Library | Matt Haig
Catherine House | Elisabeth Thomas [Fin]
Séance Tea Party | Reimena Yee [Fin]
Lumberjanes vol 1 | Noelle Stevenson [Fin]
PODCASTS
January
The Unseen, Christmas and New Year Special
The Penumbra Podcast, Juno Steel arc, Heart of It All and What Lies Beyond
The Penumbra Podcast, Second Citadel, Strong Arm of Justice and The Priestess’ Fortune
I Am In Eskew, Episode 16
Welcome to Night Vale, Episode 67, 68, and 69
The Magnus Archives, Episode 190 and 191
February
The Magnus Archives, Episode 192-194
The Adventure Zone, Episodes 15-60
March
The Magnus Archives, Episode 194-200 [Fin]
The Adventure Zone, Episodes 60-TAZ BALANCE ENDING
MBMBAM, Episode 1
I Am In Eskew, Episode 17-22
April
I Am In Eskew, Episode 23-END
Alice Isn’t Dead, Episode 18-END
TV SHOWS BY SEASON
January
His Dark Materials, s2 [Fin]
Watcher Entertainment
Buzzfeed Worth It
(Black Sails, s1)
The Queen’s Gambit**
February
Cherry Magic
Wandavision, s1
Watcher Entertainment
The Owl House
(Little Witch Academia)
Star vs the Forces of Evil, s3, s4
Bridgerton
Buzzfeed Unsolved: True Crime
Heaven’s Official Blessing
March
Wandavision, s1 [Fin]
Watcher Entertainment, Puppet History & Watcher Weekly
Falcon and the Winter Soldier
Word of Honor
April
Word of Honor, s1
Watcher Entertainment, Puppet History
Falcon and the Winter Soldier, s1
Kim’s Convenience, s1, 2, 3, 4
Leverage, s4
Shadow and Bone, s1
The Great, s1
VIDEO GAMES
January
Hades, 37 hours [Fin]
Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, 35 hours
February
Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, 35 hours
Hades, 75+ hours?
Animal Crossing: New Horizons, 16 hours
Persona 5 Royal
March
Animal Crossing: New Horizons, 45 hours
Persona 5 Royal, 141 hours
Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, 35 hours
Concrete Genie, 3 hours
April
Concrete Genie, 6 hours [Fin]
Animal Crossing: New Horizons, 65 hours
Persona 5 Royal, 160 hours
Monster Hunter Rise, 2 hours
Civ, 5 hours
DELIGHTFUL FIC
January
Modern Rustic by beethechange | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 22k | “I think,” he says, finally, “that if we looked around this place hard enough, we’d find a rose underneath a—a glass thing, what’s it called—losing petals. Metaphorically.”
easy livin' by sarcasticfishes | Buzzfeed Unsolved (Fallout AU) | Ryan/Shane | 6k | The Wasteland - and Ryan - through Shane's eyes.
(in nocte consiliam by oxymoronic | Bartimaeus | Bartimaeus/Nathaniel | 4k | London, 2003. Britain is on the brink of war, and someone is trying rather hard to kill John Mandrake.)
made of glass the way you see through me by uneventfulhouses | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 19k | Will it always be like this? Ryan wonders, watching Shane lope up the snowy walkway and pushing his way through the front door, humming some jolly old tune in that way Shane’s prone to do. Theatrical, performing for an audience even though Ryan is the only one around.
All Your Stars In View by alpha_exodus | Harry Potter | Draco/Harry | 18k | Life after the war is difficult for Harry, especially when the only thing that makes him feel better is, oddly enough, being around Malfoy. So when Malfoy asks to paint his portrait, Harry can't refuse, even if it means baring himself in more ways than one.
13 Genuinely Awful Things About Steven by thefourthvine | Buzzfeed Worth It | Steven/Andrew | 10k | Andrew’s learned to like cake, he’s learned to like oysters, and he’s learned to like Steven.
we’ll make a brand new start of it (in old new york) by misantlery | Buzzfeed Worth It | Steven/Andrew | 10k | ��Just to be clear,” Andrew says. “You want me to pretend to be your boyfriend at a party to spite your high school bully and your high school girlfriend and possibly the entire state of Ohio?”
Russian Roulette Croquembouche by misantlery | Buzzfeed Worth It | Andrew/Steven | 9k | “Get that on your business card,” Andrew advises. “Steven Lim, video producer, world traveler, fancy dessert boy. Human cream puff.”
rose-colored boy by juniperProse | Buzzfeed Worth It | Steven/Andrew | 2k | Andrew’s eyes are pink.
Like Wildfire by makemadej | Watcher Entertainment | Shane/Ryan | 20k | “Is this gonna be a thing with you?” Ryan demands. “You can’t keep committing to stuff that no one else knows about! When people online say they want you to be more open and vulnerable, this is not what they mean.”
Scratching the Itch by bendingsignpost | Doctor Who | Rose/Ten | 20k | Her mum had always told her that blokes had only one thing on their minds, but this was taking it to an entirely new level.
lie back and let me unlock you by Lise | The Untamed | Xiao Xingchen/Xue Yang | 7k | Xiao Xingchen, reluctantly, admits to certain fantasies that he has. His friend is happy to indulge him.
in our respective ways by Lise | The Untamed | Jiang Cheng & Lan Wangji | 6k | Jiang Cheng has his golden core back. But he seems to have lost Wei Wuxian.
By Proxy by Lise | The Untamed | Jiang Cheng/Lan Wangji | 12k | Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji, looking for comfort in all the wrong places.
some good mistakes by Lise | The Untamed | Jiang Cheng & Lan Wangji | 18k | Or, the one where Wei Wuxian vanishes and Lan Wangji, reluctantly, asks for Jiang Cheng's help tracking him down.
efforts in a common cause by Lise | The Untamed | Xiao Xingchen/Xue Yang/Song Lan | 12k | Everybody's walked out of Yi City alive. Now it's just three badly adjusted adults (and one badly adjusted teenager) trying to make things work - a project somewhat derailed by a night hunt that turns out to be something else.
swinger of birches by astronicht | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 23k | Lan Zhan is a little witch in the house on the hill, whispering out a love curse. Wei Ying is a witch undead, undone.
let me desecrate you by hkafterdark | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 6k | “Dangerous words.” Wei Wuxian drew back. The flickering candlelight gave him an otherworldly appearance; that, and his beauty, unchanged since the first time Lan Wangji had seen him. “You aren’t afraid to be at the mercy of the fearsome Yiling laozu?”
The Demon Affair by stereobone | Yu Yu Hakusho | Hiei/Kurama | 9k | Kurama accidentally seduces Hiei into a relationship.
i came to win (and i won) by paperclipbitch | The Queen’s Gambit | Beth/Benny | 3k | They play chess, and they fuck.The two things are not the same.
February
Sylvain Gautier Would Love To Try To Solve All Your Problems Through Sex (Hey It Might Help) by Fall Out Boy by harriet_vane | Fire Emblem: Three Houses | Sylvain/Felix | 22k | In which Sylvain wakes up on the wrong tour bus, and refuses to be their sex therapist (unless Felix asks nicely)
Turnabout and Start Again by runningondreams | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji | 34k | WIP | Wei Wuxian lives. The siege fails.Thirteen years later, Lan Wangji wakes in a body that is not his own.
μήτηρ, in the Greek by antistar_e (kaikamahine) | Hades | Nyx & Persephone, canon relationships | 37k | At the end of this recounting, she tilted her head and asked politely, Is this not how you have children?Uh, no, said Persephone.
that voodoo that you do so well by veterization | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 18k | Ryan buys a voodoo potion oil at Voodoo Authentica meant to attract Yummy Boys. Appropriately, things happen.
A Bridge Between by Runespoor | Spirited Away | Gen | 3k | Years later, Chihiro moves into a new apartment; her parents help.
the ghost king's bride by arahir | Tian Guan Ci Fu | Hua Cheng/Xie Lian | 10k | Ghosts won't stop giving Xie Lian flowers, Hua Cheng won't stop teasing, and Xie Lian is out here doing his best, man.
Side bitch out of your league by rohkeutta | Captain America | Steve/Bucky | 3k | “I tried to call Sam,” Captain America says, bewildered. He’s sprinting like Usain Bolt and doesn’t sound even a little out of breath. Fucker. “Who’re you?”
cause in your warmth (I forget how cold it can be) by madnessandbrilliance | Promare | Lio/Galo | 7k | Lio is always freezing. Galo is always warm. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the rest.
backdraft by broments | Promare | Lio/Galo | 32k | It happens in an instant, Galo gaping like an idiot while Lio presses forward to defend against the perceived threat, the weapon sparkling but not burning as it kisses Galo's throat.
your perfect crime (& how you laugh when you lie) by aroceu | The Untamed | Lan Zhan/Wei Wuxian | Death Note AU | 8k | The first time a convicted murderer dies of a heart attack in their jail cell, no one thinks anything of it.
Yosuke will now die for you! by DragonBandit | Persona 4 | Yosuke/Souji | 5k | ...This, causes problems.
dramamine by brawlite | The Untamed | Song Lan/Xue Yang | 7k | Song Lan is having a bad morning. Help comes from the last person he'd expect: Xue Yang.
Hearth and Home by lady_ragnell | Leverage | Alec/Eliot/Parker | 1k | When Eliot goes to a temple, or when he’s in one place long enough to build a shrine, he doesn’t do it for Ares. He does it for Hestia.
Where One Ends and the Other Begins by kalliopeia | Leverage | Alec/Parker/Eliot | 30k | Nobody’s particularly shocked when the job goes spectacularly sideways because their loot turns out to be magic. Parker and Eliot begin reading each other’s minds, accidental sharing happens, and shenanigans result.
Hungry Thirsty Roots by coolkidroland | Persona 5 | Akechi/Akira | 56k | In which Akira absolutely does not learn to leave well enough alone. **
Without Grasping Yet by Angelic_Ascent | Persona 5 | Akechi/Akira | 8k | Akechi and Akira end up far too cramped for comfort in the Morgana bus. And then they're left alone in Mementos.
Falling Up by KivaEmber | Persona 5 | Akechi/Akira | 2k | “If it helps…” Akira spoke up suddenly, his tone morbidly amused, “I forgive you, for shooting me in the face.”
March
Touch of Forbidden by tirsynni | LoZ | Ganondorf/Link | 2k | Nabooru warned him not to travel to the Spirit Temple. So of course Link went to the Spirit Temple.
breaking the same old heart by tardigradeschool | The Adventure Zone | Magnus/Taako | 11k | Taako and Magnus in triptych: before, during, and after the Bureau.**
your head is good, it’s loyal, it’s clean by Anonymous | TAZ | Magnus/Taako | 4k | "Here, I do this all the time."Too quickly for him to react, Taako plucks away one of his golden rings and slips it onto the ring finger of Magnus' left hand.
bruising kisses, whispered confessions by tangerine_skye | TAZ | Magnus/Taako | 3k | The trio stop over at an inn for the night. Taako and Magnus share a bed.
i can see what's coming (but i'm not saying it) by pansywaist | TAZ | Magnus/Taako | 3k | His breath is still hot on Taako's lips, distracting enough he almost misses the strained whisper: “I thought I was gonna lose you.”
Emergency Consolation in the Pocket Spa by Anonymous | TAZ | Magnus/Taako | 3k | If Magnus wants to hug a wizard, Magnus gets to hug a wizard.
together for the long haul by kismetNemesis | TAZ | Magnus/Taako | 6k | Magnus and Taako were married on a bright spring day in the year after they saved the world.
thin skin, bruises, and a cold cup of tea by GayFrankensteinsMonster | TAZ | Magnus/Taako | 3k | Sleep is for the weak, and Magnus has no weaknesses, except for his own natural curiosity.
tender is the night by dollylux | TAZ | Magnus/Taako | 10k | “It’s just…” He runs a hand through the thick bramble of his hair, gripping the crown of it to anchor himself. He sighs, slumping back against the footboard. “I guess I’m just not very good at one on one. Like, not… not in any way.”
a note is attached to the top of the vial by GayFrankensteinsMonster | TAZ | Kravitz/Taako, Magnus/Taako | 5k | Elves have a lifespan of up to six hundred years. The people that you know don't even come close to that.
Pieces of Memory and Heart by ellemaris | Raya and the Last Dragon | Raya/Namaari | 1k | Raya isn't sure how to heal everything between Heart and Fang, but returning something important to Namaari seems like a start.
the gods laugh by miss_aphelion | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji | 11k+ | WIP | Wei Wuxian is just getting used to being alive again when he's ripped from the world he knows. He wakes in a place where his sister and her husband live, where his brother doesn't hate him, where the Wen remnants have all survived.
In Your Room, In Your Bed by giraffeter | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji/Jiang Cheng | 25k | After Wei Ying is disowned, Yu Ziyuan forbids Jiang Cheng from letting Wei Ying live with him. Jiang Cheng lets him stay anyway because Fuck That. He tells his parents Lan Zhan is his new roommate instead.
in the blossom season (in the pouring rain) by varnes | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji | 14k | “Doctor Flowers,” Lan Zhan repeats, pointing at the tiny plum tree, just to confirm that his son is suggesting a magical tree named Doctor Flowers sprouted overnight and made their tame family project turn into a verdant jungle.
34 years old - 5'8" - DL - no-BB by withpractice_ff | Ace Attorney | Edgeworth/Phoenix | 3k | Phoenix finds Edgeworth’s Grindr profile
spinning with the stars above by tardigradeschool | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji | 7k | Wangji returns home to Vulcan for the first time since he left for Starfleet Academy, this time with Wei Ying at his side. He’s not expecting Wei Ying and his uncle to be fast friends, but things go poorly in a very different way than he was expecting.
every breath that comes before by tardigradeschool | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 10k | Or, what if that cup of wine Wei Wuxian drank for Lan Wangji after the Phoenix Mountain hunt wasn't just wine?
never love an anchor by tardigradeschool | Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji | 31k | A fisherman and a selkie fall in love beside the sea. Regretfully, things are never quite that simple.
Be Careful by giraffeter | The Untamed | Song Lan/Xue Yang | 5k | Song Lan and Xue Yang try to survive a week in their shared apartment without Xiao Xingchen as a buffer.
won't you let me know you now by tardigradeschool | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 12k | WIP | “Have you ever heard of a mind meld?” Wangji keeps his voice as level as possible, as if he is not revealing foremost Vulcan secrets.
April
running for a soft place to fall by tardigradeschool | The Untamed | Lan Xichen & Lan Wangji | 10k | As he leaves for his coming of age test at age twelve, half-Vulcan Xichen has a goal in mind. The rules of the kahs-wan prohibit taking food, water, or weapons. In accordance, Xichen is bringing none of those things, but he does have a compass tucked into his pocket. He is going to find his father.
an act too often neglected by Ariaste | The Untamed | Lan Xichen/Meng Yao | 60k | The single faceless, anonymous photograph on the profile that catches his eye is shot in elegant black-and-white, and there’s something about the crispness of the focus and the markedly off-center composition that says art, for once, rather than mugshot.The caption below is equally sparse: “5’6. Demanding.”
where you go, I'm going (so jump and I'm jumping) by Aria | The Magnus Archives | Martin/Jonathan | 6k | "I don't think so," Alex said. She looked at Martin. "Is this really how it went?"
Morning, keep the streets empty for me by feyburner | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 6k | Ghosts were drawn to the ring roads.
2am on a saturday by detectorist | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 11k | In which Lan Zhan gets high, slides into Wei Ying's DMs, and somehow ends up having the harmonica played to him at 2am in the morning.
Grief Kindly Stopped by ShanaStoryteller | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 5k | Nothing leaves the Burial Mounds alive.
superhero love triangle by Asuka Kureru (Askerian) | Bleach?! | Grimmjow/Ichigo | WIP | 17k | You know those classical superhero-genre love triangles that actually only contain two people? Yeah.
Boat Basin by downjune | The Falcon and the Winter Soldier | 5k | He thought the 21st century now maybe suffered from an overabundance of classifications for all the different ways to fuck and/or romance a person, but the most important thing—and his therapist had emphasized this—the most important thing was connection.
my touch magnifies by isozyme | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu/Ye Baiyi | 7k | Wen Kexing gets hit with fuck-or-die sex pollen on the way to Longyuan cabinet. Everything would be fine, except Zhou Zishu’s been keeping an unfortunate secret: the nails in his chest mean he can’t get hard anymore.
DELIGHTFUL FANVIDS
January
2020 || Multifandom Mashup
Hades - Official Animated Trailer
Hades Mini-PMV: This Year
2020, I guess
MARVEL || Energy (ft. Easy McCoy + Black Hydra)
obi-wan || give it
2020 ll Multifandom Mashup
Multifandom | Goodbye 2020
Multifandom | Goodbye 2018
2018 Multifandom | MASHUP
His Dark Materials - No Sanctuary
Lyra & Mrs. Coulter | Hurricane
► mrs. coulter || way down we go [hdm]
Wonder Woman || BORN READY
Vikings | The End of the Journey
February
MARVEL || Ready Set (ft. Vo Williams)
MARVEL || Here We Go (ft. Chris Classic)
MARVEL || Is You Ready || The Falcon and the Winter Soldier
Never forget || Hualian - Hua Cheng x Xie Lian AMV
【魔道祖师 / MDZS】Animatic - The First Siege | Safe & Sound
The Jedi Way | THE MANDALORIAN
Multifandom || Going Bad (feat. Drake)
March
Broccolli Casserole--The Untamed
Hey Brother - The Adventure Zone Animatic/PMV
The Adventure Zone: Balance trailer
The Adventure Zone: Balance Arc Trailer (Animatic)
13 Year Olds (A MDZS Animatic by Arcxus)
Multifandom || Die In This Town
DNA | shadow & bone
(Marvel) Wanda Maximoff | Grief
Defying Gravity | MDZS/CQL Animatic
It’s Quiet Uptown | MDZS Animatic
To The Stars
(Marvel) WandaVision || Awaken
Walt Disney Animation Studios | A Magical Journey
We don't have forever.
stop living a fake life.
► Wanda Maximoff | PAINT IT BLACK (+15k)
Multifandom || Take It (c/w Quang Truong) ft. @SEIGE WORLD
Kylo Ren | STAR WARS
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
April
MARVEL || Natural ft.ImagineDragons
xue yang & xiao xingchen ➤ gasoline
WEN KEXING || GASOLINE
Wen Kexing ✘ Zhou Zishu || Dandelions
Play With Fire - Wen Kexing
TOXIC ~ Wen Kexing ~ word of honor ~ 山河令
(Marvel) Bucky Barnes | Free
Bucky Barnes | Feeling Good
The Falcon and the Winter Soldier || Next Level ft. @7kingZ || (Marvel)
Eternity looking down on us.
The complexity of reality.
Captain America
✗ The Crows | Trouble (Shadow&Bone)
Shadow & Bone | Paint It Black
The secret fate of all life.
DELIGHTFUL MUSIC
January
A Better Version - Jessie Shelton
Start a War - Klergy, Valerie Broussard
Meet Me in the Dark - Melissa Etheridge
ily - Surf Mesa, Emilee
Space Man - Eurielle
To Be Loved - Aurora
In the Blood - Darren Korb
Can’t Help Falling in Love - Tommee Profitt
Astronomical - SVRCINA
Oh Comely - Neutral Milk Hotel
In This Shirt - The Irrepressibles
goblincore + cottagecore
moonlit love letters 🌙💌 (sailor moon-inspired lofi mix)
Moonlight Densetsu Lo-Fi Remix 1 hour version
Peaceful Meditation
February
Never Forget You - Zara Larsson
Is You Ready - Migros
Recomposed Four Seasons - Max Richter
The End - JPOLND
Love Yourself - Sufjan Stevens
Deja | Daniel Roure
Used To Like | Neon Trees
Material Boy - Sir Sly
Willow - Taylor Swift
Overture - Apashe
Evangeline - Josh Garrels
Gris, pt 1 - Berlinist
Inferno - Hiroyuki Sawano
March
BAMBAM - Angie
Dictator - Rei Ami
Demons - Hayley Kiyoko
Runaway - Rei Ami
Deep Blue - Marcus Warner
Brave New World - Kalandra
Nero - The Speed
The Path of Silence - Anne Sophie Versnaeyen
Tuleloits - Kerli
Soft to Be Strong - Marina
Relic - Reeder
Ascension - Gorillaz
Will You Follow Me Into the Dark - Klergy
Voidfish (Plural) - Rachel Mitchell
Raya and the Last Dragon soundtrack
Unicorn Wizard - Ninja Sex Party
Me Too - Meghan Trainor
Umbrella - Rihanna
Colors Flying High - Lollia
Wake Up, Get Up, Get Out There - Lyn
lovely - khalid
Burn My Dread - Lotus Juice
Progress - The Dear Hunter
My Mother Told Me - Rachel Hardy
Savage Daughter - Sarah Ross
Four - Sleeping At Last
April
The Other Side - Amarante
Predator & Prey - Griffin Puatu
As the World Caves In -Matt Maltese
Tell Her I Wasn’t Scared - Dan Thiessen
Esmeralda - Adriel Genet
Woods - AfterInfinity
So Human of You - Shireen
Flags of Rome - Jesper Kyd
Do It All the Time - I don’t Know How But They Found Me
Hummingbirds - Venus Hum
On and On - Curtis Harding
Grand Escape - RADWIMPS
my ex’s best friend - machine gun kelly
Sofia - Clairo
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Charlotte Lawrence
Next Level - 7KingZ
Tell Me - Johnny Jewel
Get Out of Town - Firefles
Music for Anglo Saxes
I See Darkness In You - Red Mecca
Satan Is His Name - Holly Golightly
Rocky Trail - Kings of Convenience
Story - NF
Because the Night - 10,000 Maniacs
Use to Be (L.O.V.E.) - Chelsea Collins
Bird on a Wire - Simone Istwa
Huzzah - Nathan Barr
POSTED FIC
January
gonna make you feel, boy | Hades | Megaera/Thanatos/Zagreus | 1,101 words | “You can touch, you know,” she murmurs, satisfaction and anticipation warring within her. Her pulse pounds. Zagreus’s eyes have darkened, his pupils eating up all that color. He looks good enough to eat.
February
how long do we have? | She Ra | Adora/Catra | 1,539 words | “The war is over, Adora,” Catra tells her. Adora hums. “Maybe. Maybe not.”
March
only fools rush in | The Adventure Zone | Taako/Magnus | 5,209 words | “Okay,” Taako says, sitting down heavily. “So. Ancient ritual to… bring people together?”
til my lungs both billow out | The Magnus Archives | Jon/Martin | 748 words | The knife goes in. The tape runs out.
the echo, as wide as the equator | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 2,927 words | “Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying whispers after it is done.
April
N/A
WIPS | UNPUBLISHED | ORIGINAL
January
1685 words of Buzzfeed Unsolved, tattoo AU
February
N/A
March
3121 words of Magnus/Taako, Stolen Century verse Posted!
April
852 words of Steve/Billy
FANMIXES/GRAPHICS
January
got the morbs: sad/somber songs for sad/somber people
2021: a mix for the year that comes after 2020
Sahara Baby: a mix for songs that sound like Spanish Sahara
Fire Baby: a mix for songs that sound like Play With Fire
Consequences Baby: a mix for songs that sound like Consequences
Paradise Baby: a mix for songs that sound like Paradise Valley
Real Boy: a Zagreus playlist
February
N/A
March
only fools rush in: a taako/magnus playlist
pomegranate seeds: a persephone playlist
make them bow: a megaera playlist
fuck feelings: a taako playlist
til my lungs both billow out: a jonmartin playlist
April
i am my mother’s savage daughter: a playlist for the girl
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Ok I’ve literally been unable to stop thinking about all the books I loved as a kid so I’m going make a list of like my favourite childhood (meaning stuff I read from yr 1 to yr 8 roughly) book series/authors because I can (with like random anecdotes relating to them for some). And maybe if it’s out the brain I can start chilling again. (I’m fairly certain this will be long as hell)
Ruby Redfort - Lauren Child I have several memories relating to these books because THEY ARE THE BEST. Ok, so first memory is how I got into them. My town has a local lit fest and the year this first RR book came out, Lauren Child came and did a talk there. I went with my mum and it was super cool, I got the first book (signed!) and fell in love with the series. I also remember she gave away a like unfinished copy of the book to another girl in the audience. She also spoke about how the author of the RR books mentioned in Clarice Bean had given her permission to write about the character and I believed her; like me and my mum left and I was like going on about how I wanted to read the other books and then it turned out they weren’t real. Also that year I dressed up as Ruby for World Book Day at school: I wore this hand me down slogan tee with ‘so over it’ on and a hairgrip with a plastic fly glued to it. The other strong memory of the books I have is actually to do with them. Y’know the scene (in I think it’s book 2) where Ruby’s hiding and she describes hearing the tap of Italian leather shoes and you know it’s The Count. Like that scene makes me lose my shit everyday I remember it, like I had major chills when I read it.
The Declaration trilogy - Gemma Malley
13 Treasures trilogy - Michelle Harrison
My Secret Unicorn - Linda Chapman
Stardust - Linda Chapman I distinctly remember I returned one of the books from this series to the library. When I went to take something out next I was told I hadn’t returned it. I went and checked and found it on the shelf. That was the beginning of my dislike for the local librarians (the rest occurred when I did work experience there many years later).
Rainbow Magic - Daisy Meadows I absolutely adored this books as a kid. There was one in particular (the one about the fairy w/ the same name as me) that I treasured. It was my comfort book and if something was up with me it was obvious because I was reading that book again. Unfortunately I decided I was grown up and gave them all away a few years ago which sucks coz I could do with my comfort book again. Another thing, recently I looked these books up for some reason and discovered Daisy Meadows is a pseudonym for multiple authors and that one of the writers was in fact LINDA CHAPMAN of several other of my fave childhood book series. Absolutely wild.
Dolphin Diaries - Lucy Daniels Guesss what? It’s another pseudonym in children’s literature. Turns out Dolphin Diaries was written by Ben M. Baglio. I’m beginning to think my entire childhood was a lie.
Tiara Club - Vivian French
Sophie Mckenzie books I’m not sure if this was in one of her books but I do remember that around the time I was reading all her books I read a book where and American character ended up in London. She was in the bathroom and she heard a local person talking and went off on one (in the narrative) about how this person should move to the USA where her accent would be appreciated. To this day, weirdest scene I’ve read. I hated it. But I loved Sophie Mckenzie’s books.
Uglies - Scott Westerfeld In year 8 we had a booklet of extracts we were studying. The final extract of the booklet was from Uglies which, coincidentally, I had recently read (as had one of my friends). Unfortunately, we never studied it in class. Largely because, whilst he was strict and scary as hell, the teacher we had was super easy to distract. He was ex-army so all someone had to do was bring that up and he’d go off on one for ages. There was also another lesson where somehow the class ended up discussing spongebob for most of the hour.
Jacqueline Wilson books I mean, I wouldn’t be a British girl if I hadn’t read a ridiculous number of Jacqueline Wilson books; Hetty Feather was my favourite. Also, in like year 5, I lent my copy of Dustin Baby to a girl in my class. Never got that book back.
Enid Blyton books Specifically the boarding school ones (St. Clares, Malory Towers and Naughtiest Girl). I actually used to get the Naughtiest Girl books instead of money from the tooth fairy. I guess my parents must have got the box set cheap and decided that this was a good idea. And tbh it was.
Lady Grace Mysteries - Grave Cavendish Another case of a pseudonym - Grace Cavendish was the main character, not the actual author. Anyway, I read this when I was in like yr 4 which was also a time when I couldn’t sleep well and I was awake a lot (idk why). My parents, not having technology to blame for problems as they do for my brothers now, decided these books were to blame and banned me from reading them. So that was fun.
Gwyneth Rees books My year 1 teacher (who was, like, the best) got me into these books, that’s it.
Meg Cabot books So, I really only got into these books because two of my friends loved them. These two friends would often wander off w/o the rest of the group to talk about boys and their crushes. That’s mildly relevant, the point is I read these books (and did enjoy them) purely because one of those friends liked them and I had a crush on her (not that I actually realised that at the time).
An Unfortunate Fairy Tale series - Chanda Hahn
Iron Fey series - Julie Kagawa Both this series and the one above were the specific genre I was reading when I was 12/13. Like books where a girl is not normal and there’s a mean broody fae love interest with black hair and blue eyes was my shit back in the day, I was reading many series like it but these two are the ones I still have positive thoughts on. Anyway, I distinctly remember reading books like this and listening to Taylor Swift constantly. I was like trying to bond with my friends like yeah my type has black hair and blue eyes (coincidentally a similar appearance to a guy who asked me out around the time, we’re not going into that mess though but I didn’t date him, we’ll leave it at that). Anyway, more than anything these books combined with Taylor Swift songs was my way of staving of the realisation I’m gay and of trying to make myself straight. It clearly wasn’t that effective.
House of Night series - P.C. & Kristin Cast
Vampire Academy + Bloodlines - Richelle Mead I had these series on my nook. I read them way too much purely because it was easy to. Now, my nook is broken and the account inaccessible so they’re lost to the ether.
Jackson Pearce books Oh god. Ok, so when I read Sisters Red, it was the first book I’d read with swearing in. I remember going to my mum and being like there’s a swear word because I wasn’t sure I was allowed to read that and I didn’t want to be found out and end up in trouble. So that was fun to.
Fantastic Diary of Bathsheba Clarice de Trop series - Leila Rasheed
Sita Brahmachari books Artichoke Hearts in particular, I just remember loving it and then reading all her other books that were in the school library.
Rose series - Holly Webb
We were liars - E. Lockhart So this is one of the only stand alones here but I have to mention it. In drama we had to sit and read quietly as the teacher went through the register and called us up to see our exercise books. I was reading this book. I also happened to finish it before I was called up. I was crying, knowing I’d have to talk to my teacher in a few minutes trying to not look like I’d been bawling.
Cathy Cassidy books
Thora series - Gillian Johnson
Journey to the River Sea - Iva Ibbotson
A year without Autumn - Liz Kessler
#The void's log#ALSO if you haven't read these books you should they are absolutely fucking phenomenal#Especially Ruby Redfort 13 Treasures The Declaration and Uglies#......oh what a better world we'd be in if they'd gotten the attention they deserve
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Tu M’appartiens - Chapter 4
It took quite some time but Tessa finally admitted that this trip to Dubai was the best ever. As the two girls landed ground, the welcome committee of Armani's hotel took care of them as if they were some royalty. After all the Armani Hotel Dubai guests consisted mainly of rich people, celebrities and much more. The two girls were attributed one of the ten private apartments for their short stay situated at the twentieth floor of the Burj Khalifa, with a breathtaking view on Dubai's city. Even Tessa admitted she never witnessed such magic in her life, she fell in love with Dubai as it was her first time destination.
For their first dinner the two decided to dine out of the hotel in a small Arabic restaurant not too far. The food was delicious as much as the local dessert specialities. The full of life Nicole suggested they could hit downtown's best night club, one of her favorite hobbies, but Tessa turned down the invitation even though it was a tempting one. This one felt kinda tired and just wanted to grab a cold shower to refresh her skin and to grab a good night of sleep. Tessa's plan convinced Nicole to follow her not wanting to let her friend alone, by the end of the day, the two fell asleep on their private balcony, their bodies laid comfortably on the black suede big sofa.
July 5, 2018
The sun was shining on Dubai, the sky looked like a painting scenery with that turquoise sky. It looked like it was taken from a fairy tale book. For their whole stay, the hotel had the two girls offered a two hours spa massage session and Tessa couldn't wait anymore to try it. As she was preparing a beach bag with some of her personal belongings, Nicole showed up with a sick looking face.
"Nicole, are you okay?" Tessa asked with a concerned voice tone.
"Not really, I think my stomach didn't appreciate our last night meal!" Nicole answered all fuzzy as she took place on the bed.
"Oh no sweetie, what can I do to make you feel better?"
"Nothing, I think I'll keep the bed for today, sleep and lime water is all I need!"
"Niky, I'm so sorry, we had our day planned, the spa then some shopping at the mall!" Tessa pouted.
"Darling, go to the spa and get yourself pampered, you deserve it!" Nicole answered as she positioned her head on the comfortable pillow under her neck.
"No, we promised we'll have it together!"
"I know love, but not today!"
"Well, I'll stay here with you!"
"What, no way, you looking so damn fine with that crimson bikini, this body deserves some attention, why don't you go by the swimming pool, you know we have access to the private area!" Nicole suggested.
"But you sick girl, we can wait until tomorrow, when you'll feel better?"
"I can wait but not that hot body of yours, and this holiday is for you so make the most of it bitch!"
"Ok, I'll sip on some mojitos, reading a good book and maybe taking the sun topless!" Tessa bragged herself in a joking manner.
"That's my girl, now get some fun and maybe you'll get to meet one or two handsome guys there!" Nicole winked.
"My gosh, you'll never stop!" Tessa said in a funny bothered manner rolling her eyes, as she grabbed her bag and stepped out of the room.
♡♤♡♤♡
Surprisingly the private swimming pool area was empty when Tessa arrived, which facilitated her comfort. After having her body covered with a 30 SPF sunscreen, she threw her bikini top aside breasts free and laid comfortably in the sunbed enjoying the sun dancing on her skin.
She opened her book at page 123 which consisted of 378, Tessa was an avid book reader and she couldn't get enough of The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah. But her reading seemed plain as if something was missing to make this moment perfect.
"Mojito!" She exclaimed enthusiastically. Tessa raised her hand signalling the waiter to come to her.
"Yes Miss, would you like to have a drink?" The waiter was a pleasure to the eyes, behind her sunglasses, Tessa examined the handsome boy.
"Yes, can I have a mojito please?"
"Of course Miss, anything else?" He politely answered.
"Oh no, just a mojito!" Tessa answered.
"If you need anything I'm at your service miss!" The waiter said then walked toward the swimming pool's bar. Tessa pulled her sunglasses down appreciating the waiter's perfect bum shaped by the white trouser.
"He's so damn fine!" She murmured with a grin at the corner of her lips.
Tessa positioned her sunglasses correctly back and got back to her reading when she noticed a couple had arrived at the opposite side of the pool. At first she felt a bit uncomfortable with her breasts free, so her mind told her to put on the too part of the crimson bikini, but then she reconsidered her choice, she spoke to herself that she was on a stress-free trip and little of craziness wouldn't hurt her at all.
"Here is your mojito Miss." The waiter came back with her ordered drink.
"Awww thank you so much!" Tessa said sipping straight on her favorite drink. "It's so delicious, thank you!" She savored her extra chilled mojito.
"I'm at your service Miss, don't hesitate if you want something!" The waiter said so nicely.
"I will!"
Tessa put her book on the little round shaped table next to her, and behind her sunglasses stared at the opposite where the couple installed themselves on the sunbeds, the short woman went topless as well. She noticed how cute they looked extremely cute despite of the height difference between the two. The man was so tall and was in such great shape, candy to Tessa's eyes. The chance of being noticed by them for staring too long at their direction was almost nonexistent. But the more Tessa examined him the more she realized that his face seemed kinda of familiar.
The brown hair, that nose, those lips, that body, that smile. Tessa removed her sunglasses and her brain sending her immediate repulsive signals.
"Hummels!" She cursed putting her sunglasses back on her nose to avoid detection. Her senses baffled at the view of the man she hated passionately. To her, Mats Hummels was the perfect example of arrogance and cockiness, her dislike towards him was above bitter. Tessa remembered perfectly how his overconfidence flustered during derbys between Dortmund and Bayern Munchen. Mats Hummels was labelled as a snake and a traitor for leaving Dortmund in 2016 for his former Bavarian club.
Tessa who worked as a media coordinator for Borussia Dortmund always had her seat reserved during games with the players on the pitch. Only two girls had this extreme privilege, her and Reina, one of the many team's physio. She hated that stupid smile of satisfaction on his face when Bayern Munich shown no mercy to Dortmund during their game. At Tessa's eyes, Hummels had a lack of morality and no values of life, he was the devil.
Totally disgusted, Tessa couldn't stay there any longer. The fact that he was breathing the same air as her had her nauseous. In a hurry, she attached the top part of her bikini, then gathered her stuff in her bag and lifted up from the sunbed. Uncontrollably, her sight locked at him again but this time Mats raised his hand at her.
"Dirty asshole!!" She cursed between her lips showing him her middle finger which caused Mats to smile back.
Tessa wrapped her black beach pareo around her waist, fuming that she had to cut short her blissful moment of relaxation.
Mats on his side, rejoiced every bit of that moment.
"So, is that Tessa?" Amani asked.
"Yes, she is!" Mats answered.
"She's hot!"
"Absolutely!" Mats grinned.
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( CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER, HALF-BLOOD ) ELLIE CATTERMOLE is a SLYTHERIN whose favorite subject is DIVINATION, maybe because they are STEADFAST but also RECLUSIVE. They might be so popular because they look like KRISTINE FROSETH, can you believe they are a SIXTH YEAR? rumors say they DON’T SUPPORT the revolution where do they go from here?
Hi guys I’m Flo from the eet timezone, I’m 21 and I’m here to introduce you to my bby Ellie
Name: Ellie Pandora Cattermole
Nicknames: El
Dob & age: 14th Febuary / 17
Star sign(s): Sun in Aquarius, Moon in Scorpio, Ascendant in Capricorn
Born & raised: 27 Chislehurst Gardens, Great Tolling, Evesham
Parents: Reginald Cattermole and Mary Cattermole
Hogwarts house: Slytherin
Patronus: Swan
Favorite subject: Divination
Extracurriculars: Divination club, Book club & Dance club + Prefect.
Positive traits: Observant, stoic, steadfast, ambitious, independent, responsible
Negative traits: Reclusive, detached, pessimistic, reticent, pertinacious
PINTEREST: here.
To summarise her and her family in a few points, she’s one of three children of Reginald and Mary Cattermole. Her father works in the Ministry of Magic and when taken over by Death Eaters her mother Mary was to be tried by the Muggle-born registration commission leaving her and her siblings Maisie and Alfred frightened if their mother would ever return home. Although they got through this the experience it left her mother eternally scarred emotionally and unable to leave their home or work ever again.
Most of Ellie’s childhood revolved around taking care of her mother, everyone always seemed to be on edge around her and her ongoing paranoia that the Death Eaters will be back to get her. It left even Ellie constantly worrying who she surrounds herself with. She grew up to be quite the loner, yet also very ambitious and with a severe desire for control of her surroundings. Ellie always wanted to know what will come next and trusting someone other than her siblings proved to be quite the challenge for the young witch. She got really into divination as a source of potentially predicting the future so that she has more security. A strict believer in rituals and routine she’ll do whatever she can to prevent any risks of her or her family’s safety.
Overall she has a quite cool and quiet demeanor, more of a wallflower, but still not afraid to speak up when needed. All the fear her mother has embedded in her mind shifts to anger occasionally which is why she doesn’t support the revolution - out of fear. She can’t imagine how she’d live in a world where all the people that were ready to murder her mother would roam free. She suppresses her anger and opinions though, although they often build up to cause catastrophic events that even she can’t fully control.
To the people she’s close with she’s very reliable and would do anything for the person, but tends to stray from people that attract too much attention as she’s not one of those legacy families and no one knew their name or what they went through and she’d rather keep it that way. Her straying from other people led to her being very good academic wise even prompting to become a prefect. At first glance a very stoic uptight girl with a lot of demons just waiting to let loose.
That’s pretty much it for Ellie background wise, I won’t get too much into her family until I get her siblings on board, but this is her overall view of the situation and her personality. I would absolutely LOVE for any kind of plot whether it is platonic, romantic or rivalry. There’s a lot you can do with her as she hides a lot beneath the surface and like a toxic attraction with someone that’s the opposite of her would be bomb af and just anything really so let’s figure out some angsty stuff together!! Like this post or hmu because I can’t wait to get started!
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Mara Jade in The New Rebellion, by Kristine Kathryn Rusch
Mara Jade has a few brief appearances prior to the final act of the novel, but her role in the plot kicks off with this:
Whoever he was, this Kueller had Force abilities. And he already held Luke prisoner. Which meant he was strong in the Force.
Like Vader.
Han clenched his fists. He had never been any match for Vader. The man had hurt him at every turn. The abilities that Luke, Leia, and the children possessed sometimes looked like magic to him.
But sometimes magic could be used against its owner.
“Chewie, see if you can find Mara Jade for me. Lando says she’s with Talon Karrde. Tell them I need their help.”
Chewie growled a query.
Han grinned at him. “A plan? Of course, I have a plan. Have you ever known me not to?”
Smuggler Dad Talon Karrde drops his adopted daughter off for playtime, but not without some stern fatherly admonishments:
“I believe it, Solo. And every once in a while, I donate my services too. Mara’s outside with your ysalamiri. Say thank you.”
Han hadn’t expected Karrde’s quick capitulation. It made him instantly suspicious. “Yeah, ah, thanks,” Han said. He waved a hand at Chewie. “Go let her in.”
Chewbacca was already out of his seat.
Han turned back to Karrde. “You’re letting Mara come with us?”
“I’ve got no need for her. Seems she has some interest in what happens to Skywalker. Says you might need her.”
Yeah, sure, Karrde, I TOTALLY believe you there.
“She knows this Kueller, then?”
“I doubt it.” Karrde’s pet vornskr put its face near the screen. The creatures were ugly, even from a distance. “I think it’s more personal than that. She’s been having daylight dreams. She thinks she’s hiding them from me, but she’s not.”
“Kueller’s after her too.”
Karrde nodded. “I’m beginning to think the phrase, ‘May the Force be with you’ is a curse.”
“I sure hope not,” Han said. “The Force has been with me for years now. My family’s steeped in it.”
“You know what the ysalamiri will do, don’t you?”
Han grinned. “That’s why I want them. Thanks, Talon.”
“Don’t mention it,” Karrde said. “I mean that.”
Rusch really plays up the impact of the ysalamiri on Force users for dramatic effect:
[Mara] shook her head, and then put a slim hand against her forehead. The ysalamiri affected her Force senses. Han had heard about this but never really seen it. He’d only had Luke’s descriptions.
I don't believe this for a moment, because Mara lived on Myrkr back in TTT and the ysalamiri didn't bother her that much. What's actually bothering her then?
“I’ve been seeing Luke on a sandstone street, burning alive.”
Her husky voice sent chills through Han. “Can you see the future?” he asked.
“I don’t think so,” she said.
So Mara is having visions of Luke dying - no wonder she's in such terrible shape. Of course, she's not actually going to admit it, though.
“Why did you really come?” Han asked.
She swallowed. Her color was poor. Luke said the ysalamiri pushed the Force away from themselves, creating a bubble in which the Force did not exist. He said it was like suddenly going blind and deaf. Han thought of it as leveling the playing field. In the Force bubble, a Jedi Knight had no more powers than a normal person.
She leaned against the wall. “Do you know how many people have died in the last few weeks, Solo?”
“Enough,” he said, thinking of the Run.
“More than enough,” she said. “Too many. Kueller’s using them to build strength. He’s absorbing the dark side like a droid hooked up to a power cable. If this continues, he may be unbeatable.”
“You don’t believe that,” Han said.
She raised her head. She was stunning, he had to give her that, with her bright green eyes, and red, almost auburn, hair. A woman to respect. A woman that no one ever should tamper with. “I haven’t felt power like this since Palpatine in the early days. If this continues, Han, Kueller will be stronger than the Emperor ever was, and he’ll do it quicker.”
“So you’re not here for Luke after all.”
She swallowed. “It may be too late for Luke. I’m here for the rest of us.”
YOU GO, MY GIRL, determined to save the galaxy from yet another Force-using megalomaniac! But also, you're not fooling me about your feelings for Luke.
Later:
Han was seated in the cockpit, Chewbacca beside him, and Mara Jade in the seat behind. She was still pale and weak. She claimed that the ysalamiri were affecting her Force sense even though they were as far from her as they could be.
You can believe that if you want to, but my shipper heart knows what's what here, and you can pry that theory out of my cold, dead hands.
Anyway, there's a space battle and Mara shoots the guns on the Falcon while they rush to rescue Leia with their ysalamiri cargo.
"Chewie?” Han shouted.
Chewbacca growled something about losing a deflector shield.
“Chewie, that was more than a shield!”
Chewie growled again. He nearly had the shield fixed but he didn’t have time to say any more. It was Mara who finally reported.
“That was my cannon,” she said.
“You okay?”
“If you call third-degree burns okay,” she said. “My hands’ll live.”
So they arrive on planet and Han uses Mara to locate Leia, or tries to, anyway.
Mara had kept her distance. Both Han and Chewie had agreed to allow her to stay far behind them—far enough so that she wasn’t caught in the ysalamiri’s anti-Force bubble.
But Han wished she were closer. He should have known better than to rely on her Force abilities when she had been so close to ysalamiri. Obviously she had been wrong. Leia couldn’t be nearby. This place was deserted.
All this is GREAT... and then Rusch has a giant-but-harmless-murderbeast eat the ysalamiri and waltz over to the Final Battle between Luke and the Big Bad, just as Luke is about to pull the Obi-Wan Kenobi Sacrificing Yourself Stunt (to Leia's horror).... and that's it for Han and Mara for the rest of the book. Except for this one line at the end:
"Mara, Luke, and I were stuck in the Falcon, playing holographic games while Han and Chewie argued about who would repair the damage.”
“They must have fixed it.”
Leia grinned. “They did. After Mara threatened to shoot them both.”
While this is a hilarious image - and totally in character - I'm so not okay with Rusch abandoning Mara right at the most dramatic possible moment and not having her play a larger role in the story. And having set up so much shipper potential with Luke... it just feels like such a waste.
What was Mara's reaction to seeing Luke? What was Luke's reaction to seeing Mara? And we don't get any of that at all. Even if you argue there was all kinds of stuff behind the scenes and Luke and Mara's relationship not being official yet, it still seems like she could have had a greater role than a fancy way of ferrying Han and the ysalamiri from Point A to Point B. As it is... it's such a letdown.
But that's what fic is for, right?
#star wars#star wars legends#the new rebellion#kristine kathryn rusch#Mara Jade#ysalamiri are awesome#MY SHIPPER HEART#fanfic references#such a waste of potential#eu fuckery
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7 Ways to Spend First Year with Your Baby
A week or so after I had my first baby, my friend Susan stopped by -- just in the nick of time: Will had been crying for what felt like hours and nothing I did helped. Susan, who'd just had her second daughter, calmly scooped up my inconsolable newborn and did a sort of combo side-to-side swaying and up-and-down jostling that magically lulled him out of Waa-Waa Land.
I've had three kids since then, and Susan's "mommy jig" has been a lifesaver with every one of them. But I never would have known it if I hadn't let her help me out -- and that's exactly why she, and I, and other moms who've been there want you to remember these seven rules:
1. Asking for help does not make you incompetent.
Precisely the opposite, in fact. Sometimes, there's no other way to get from point A to point B. Even if there is, getting there alone can take twice as long and make you crazy.
Kim Ganier of Huntington Beach, California, was always a self-sufficient person -- until her first baby, Laci (now 3), was a week old and Ganier found herself doing laundry while "someone else was sitting in my glider and cuddling my baby. The lightbulb went on," she says. After that, visitors were put to work so Ganier could enjoy Laci. Her advice now: Speak up, be specific about what you need, and say yes when offered help of any kind. "You'll feel guilty at first, but you'll get over it," she says.
It'll be easier if you remember that someday you will reciprocate -- if not to the particular mom who helped you out, then to another. Several months ago, I was having dinner out with my kids when the mom at the next table asked if I had an extra diaper. I happily handed one over. Sure enough, not long after that, I discovered I'd forgotten to bring a clean swim diaper to the pool and had to go begging from lounge chair to lounge chair for a spare. A better-prepared mom than I saved the day.
So never let guilt or embarrassment or even your ego get in the way of accepting help. Improvising a diaper is a lot harder than returning a favor.
2. Babies don't need as much new stuff as you think.
They seem to outgrow everything from stretchies to bassinets overnight, so why stock up? "I wish someone had told me not to buy cutesy, expensive clothes for my newborn," says Kristine Shuler, mom of 3-year-old Kaylee in Baroda, Michigan. "Little did I know she would spend most of the time in T-shirts from Target. She didn't wear half the clothes I bought!"
There are two lessons here: First, take your time when deciding what you'll really need. Do a little research, make a list, and stick with it. book is a great resource for teasing out what to buy and what to skip, by the way.) Second, as tempting as it is to buy everything fresh and new and adorable for your first baby -- resist. Some items, like swings and bouncy seats, are used for such short periods of time that they never see much wear and tear. Can you borrow from a friend? If not, check out
Marilyn Sklar swears by a children's resale store in her town. "When my daughter, Raquel, was born, I started buying gently used clothes from there. Later, I brought in some of Raquel's clothing and took an in-store credit to purchase more," says the mom of two in Phoenix. "Now I recycle that way whenever possible. We're saving money and being green!"
3. Getting a baby to sleep is worth the trouble.
This is a matter of basic maternal math: baby zzz's = mommy zzz's. Veteran moms will tell you that figuring out, early on, how to get your baby to go to sleep, stay asleep, and take regular naps is key to getting through that entire first year. "Being sleep-deprived is a fact of life, but the sooner you get sleep figured out, the better," says Michelle Wilkins, a mom of three in Blacksburg, Virginia.
For Theresa Cole, mom of Ethan, 5, and Jordan, 1, in Kansas City, Missouri, the trick is to get your newborn used to falling asleep on his own: "Think twice about feeding your baby to put him to sleep. He's a clean slate, waiting to learn how to do things. If you teach him he can only drift off with a boob or bottle in his mouth, that's the only way he will -- even at two in the morning. And, seriously, who wants to deal with that every night for the next couple of years?"Follow more to check african congo mask
I'm a firm believer in consistency. When my third baby was 9 months old and not taking decent naps during the day, I came up with some new routines. I stopped letting him catnap in the car while I ran errands, and planned outings around his naptime, to make sure he could go down in his crib. I also turned his room into a sleep haven (blackout shades, white-noise machine). Pretty soon he was napping twice a day, and snoozing better at night, too. To keep daytime noise to a minimum, Jamie Pearson, mom of Avery, 7, and Max, 5, in Palo Alto, California, adds this tip: "Make a diplomatic front-door sign that says, 'Baby napping. Please visit us another time.' "
4. Competitive parenting: not cool.
Of course you already know that babies develop at their own pace. And of course you know there's more to your baby than when he hits milestones. But when it seems like every kid in the playgroup except yours is sitting up or saying "Mama," it can take all your willpower to act like you just don't care.
It's totally understandable to compare. But for the sake of your sanity, it's worth trying to stop. "I made the conscious decision to believe the experts who said that the spectrum of normalcy was wide," says Susie Sonneborn Blim, a mom of three in Montclair, New Jersey. "I also stopped hanging out with moms who were constantly boasting about or obsessing over their babies' milestones, because that played a huge part in how caught up I got with comparing my baby to other babies."
Pearson had a similar tactic: "When Avery wasn't the first -- or second, or third -- baby in my mothers' group to crawl, I told myself that the impatient, intense, irritable babies were always the early crawlers and walkers," she says. "I kept these theories to myself, of course!" If you're truly worried that your baby is falling behind, bring it up with your pediatrician. She should be your go-to expert when it comes to your child's health and development -- not the bragging, pitying other moms.
5. You and your baby don't have to be joined at the hip.
Experts say: Being touched, held, carried, and cuddled is vital to a baby's development. Moms answer back: There's nothing more delicious than touching, holding, carrying, and cuddling a baby -- to a point. When it's clear that you and/or your baby need a break from each other, take it. This is especially true when your infant's wailing or your pre-toddler's whining is about to push you over the edge. Hand her to Daddy or send out an SOS to a friend or relative.
If there's no one you can call on for help, take a tip from Christine Klepacz, a mom of two in Bethesda, Maryland. "When your baby is crying and you could burst into tears yourself, or when you're just overwhelmed, it's okay to put her in her crib for a while and sit by yourself. She's safe, and sometimes she needs time away from you, too. It's okay. We all do it!"
It's equally important to carve out time for yourself regularly -- not just when you're about to go off the deep end. If there's one thing Jennifer Geddes, a Parenting staffer and mom of two girls, learned during the first year, it's that "you have to take a few minutes for yourself here and there. It's essential to being a happy and healthy mom. I was so concerned with attending to my daughter's needs that I neglected my own. I barely ate, slept, or left the house," she says.
If you're thinking, "Yeah, right -- I can barely get a shower," wait: It's doable. You just have to plan ahead, be creative, and adjust your definition of what constitutes a relaxing break. Where, prebaby, you were used to spur-of-the-moment shopping sprees or on- a-whim workouts, you might find, like Marilyn Sklar, that your idea of a good time now is "a glass of wine and a good book after the children are in bed." Or a brisk walk in the morning before they get up. Me, I swear by weekend matinees. I can get a lot of regenerative mileage out of two hours by myself in a cozy, dark theater with a bag of popcorn, lost in a great story onscreen.
6. The best baby stage is the one you're in.
"They grow up so fast." The reason you'll hear this from everyone and her grandmother: It's true. Kim Lavergne of Nashville, mom of 2-year-old Justin, remembers feeling like time was crawling after he was born. "In reality, the days go by so fast that the next thing you know, your child is no longer a baby," she says. "I've learned to cherish and enjoy the time I spend with Justin."
Charlene Kochensparger of Centerville, Ohio, who has a daughter and a son, seconds that. "First-time parents tend to wish the time away -- 'I can't wait for her to crawl, walk, talk' -- and not enjoy the moment," she says.
The time slipped away from Loretta Sehlmeyer of Dix Hills, New York, because she was so focused on being a perfect parent to her son, Christian, now 4. "I fretted so much over caring for him that I missed the entire experience. I honestly didn't notice that my baby was growing and changing a little bit each day. I spent a lot of time looking at him, but I was way too distracted to actually see him," she says.
"So take some time each day, real time, to hold your baby and do nothing else but use your senses to connect with him. Smell his sweetness, and look at those tiny fingers and toes and amazing little nose."
7. There's no one else like you.
Only a handful of babycare rules are written in stone (specifically, those having to do with health and safety -- like, you really should always put a baby to sleep on his back). Most everything else is up for interpretation. "It's great to read up, solicit opinions, and listen respectfully to advice you haven't asked for," says Michelle Wilkins. "But you know your baby and yourself best. You'll know when an idea resonates."
Adds Chantel Fry, mom of Dylan, 3, and Madalyn, 7 months, in Pittsburgh: "You're going to be different than the next mom. Not better, not worse -- because you do the best you can, and if at the end of the day your child has laughed, and is clean and fed, you can go to sleep knowing that you did what is expected of you." No matter how you did those things, exactly, you can be proud that you're inventing your own special way of being a mom.
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My post on the first two BL books (here’s the one from Spirit Bound and Last Sacrifice)
Quick thing: I said they should rename the VA series Guardian Rose for the show- I would still be ok with that, but I put forth: Blood Rose (with Golden Lily for if Bloodlines gets a spinoff show).
Ok, so... ugh.. my love for Sydney and more focus on her, versus how quickly I get tired of some of the contrivances in BL.
Bloodlines:
I was reading along and I was like “huh, I really like Lee... what happened to him? was he caught up in the tattoo ring, I thought that was Keith?” so I was impatient and looked it up like a jerk... but yeah that is a captivating, horrible character; the part near the end where Syd notices the “chilling indifference” where this seemingly sweet guy doesn’t give a shit about his soul, or more importantly killing others relentlessly... that is some of the strongest writing in either of the two series. But it is frustrating because we’re left with so many questions with Lee- who turned him? I don’t think we got that answer ever, but was it Robert? No, right, since he only mentioned having turned one woman before? Why did someone restore Lee and then leave him, and is Lee so fucked up when he’s restored because he didn’t get the coddling after “rebirth” that Dimitri got from Lissa and Sonya got from Dimitri, or is it the (perhaps stronger message) that some people just enjoy power and cruelty? Also, Lee lost his Moroi magic whereas Sonya kept hers (that’s more a suspicion on Sydney’s part but I do think it’s right)- it could be a spirit thing that allowed Sonya hers back, but I wonder if it wasn’t because he killed multiple women to try to become Strigoi again (like maybe he did get his magic back, but then he killed Tamara). Also... he decided to try Alchemist blood in his desperation, but didn’t even try spirit user blood from Adrian? My dude, that’s either misogyny, or lack of imagination, or contrivances on Richelle’s part to keep Adrian safe.
Also... ew at Lee going out with Jill, but that should be a given. Someone protect that girl. Like actually. I do think it’s such a great contrast that Syd is like “I’m taking this job to protect my little sister Zoe, who Jill reminds me of, from known predator Keith, who tries to come off as charming and nonthreatening” (and Syd is so disgusted that Julia and Kristin think Keith’s hot) meanwhile Sydney is... aggressively pushing Jill toward Lee. It’s some fantastic (upsetting) irony.
I love the Amberwood supporting cast of teens. Micah is great (and better than Mason imo- sorry). Julia and Kristin are great. Trey is fantastic. I do hate how flat Slade and Laurel are though (typing out those names in a non-Arrow context is weird). I was surprised on rereading how little Ms. Terwillinger is in the first book- I thought she and magic played a much larger role. Also, while I love Syd getting to be a witch and all the characterization (including her discomfort with magic) that entails, I do wish she’d just gotten to enjoy studying Ancient Greek architecture like she wanted during her independent study. Let my little nerd flourish (while also being a volleyball badass).
I disliked Adrian more than I remembered in this book. Like boy, you have a 14/15 y.o. in your head. Stop with the alcohol and stop with the threesomes (did that happen? Sydney goes back and forth and seems undetermined based on the state of dress of his companions) where the minor is going to be stuck with those consequences. And stop pouting about being in the house with Clarence. Like, yes, he’s a kooky old man, but he’s also sweet. And the purposeful sabotage of his job interviews after taking Syd’s time for it... ugh. And the bitterness yet lingering obsession at Rose... I do love his art classes, and I appreciate at the golf course when he’s the only one to see how disturbed Sydney is by magic. I also have to admit to enjoying his decision to paint the apartment “goldenrod”- that ending scene with just the two of them is very sweet.
Eddie still never gets enough to do. I really do wonder what might have come for him if Mead had followed her original plan to do all 4 (Syd, Adr, Jill, and Ed) perspectives. But his takedown of the Strigoi at the end (with the assist from Jill and Sydney) is fantastic. Now if only we didn’t have the unnecessary Eddie/Jill crush drama.
On the Keith front... the eye for an eye is one of the most dramatic things. And I really think it’s interesting how much of these series comes back to sexualized violence against women (starting with Lissa raging on the jerk who assaulted a Feeder in VA flashbacks). Sydney lost her faith in the Alchemists for the first time when one of their own assaulted her big sister, and getting justice for that is what drives her more and more toward the Moroi and “outside corrupting influences.” Which... Abe is a villain in this one. I know fandom loves him, and I do enjoy him, but the man is revealed to be a drug supplier/trafficker... it was one thing when I thought he was involved in finding Feeders and the like, but we see just how much havoc the tattoos wreak at Amberwood, and knowing he’s doing stuff like it elsewhere is terrible.
on to Golden Lily:
chapter 5, pg 83: “But then, [Brayden] opened the door and I realized he was waiting for me to get in. I did, trying to remember the last time a guy had opened a car door for me. My conclusion: never.” I really thought I was about to make a point about Dimitri opening a car door for Sydney at the start of Chapter 2- apparently not and he only got her suitcase, my bad.
Ugh this one... I might have to give up this reread because it’s not even the most Sydrian-centric things get and I’m already exhausted. Look, Adrian is the (21 y.o.) guy who was essentially stalking high-schooler Rose in her dreams- she was surprised to see in Lissa’s mind that when she asked him not to smoke near her he apparently didn’t. Meanwhile, Adrian is ready to throwdown with Sonya, and especially Dimitri, when they request blood from Sydney and won’t take the graceful “no’s” she tries to give them. And I can appreciate growth, and the part where he’s protecting Sydney. But... given his other actions I’m not sure it does come across as growth so much as Adrian picks and chooses when to respect other people’s boundaries, and especially enjoys picking a fight with Dimitri (and then there are the elements where Rose was a biracial Turkish and dhamphir girl who people sexualized over and over, whereas Sydney is the white Alchemist who had never even been kissed before this book). When he gets drunk and interrupts Sydney’s Halloween Dance with Brayden, or purposefully delays her make-up date with Brayden, and messes up Brayden’s name constantly, and pretends not to know how to drive stick-shift, it’s inappropriate. That doesn’t change that he stands up for her with his dad (though he also leaves her alone at the table with him), or that he remembers what she says about hetaerae, or avoids touching her since it means something different to him than her, or that he tries to tell her about the tracker and then follows the Guardians and helps get her out. But like, ffs, could he not have just offered that she could drive the car whenever she wanted as long as he could supervise- it’s still manipulative, but at least it’s not lying and wasting her time?
Meanwhile, Mead writes Sydney as getting annoyed with Brayden for lesser nuisances, and “can’t he be more understand about my ‘family emergencies’” and Sydney just barely starts to call out Adrian interrupting a date yet again... then lampshades it with “oh, it’s an actual emergency for Sonya at least.” Like, in LS Rose had a very heavy-handed realization that Adrian was using her for strength rather than being stronger because he was with her, and Mead manages to be more heavy-handed, just in Adrian’s favor, in this book (series). Also, I swear to fuck, I hate how caricaturized Sydney and Brayden’s nerdiness becomes in this book. Setting aside that I never knew any 18 y.o. this nerdy and I was head nerd at my school, if these two dumbasses want to go to a textile museum or windfarm stop judging them and the fact that you wrote Sydney as liking these things. Also, Sydney really does not give a fuck about her job apparently. Like, I get it, but at the same time, it’s annoying how at first she cared about Jill genuinely as this younger girl she would look out for, and as part of her job, and yet it gets to a point where she’s like “oh no, something seems wrong with Jill- does that mean something’s wrong with ADRIAN?!”... like, babe, you’re compromised. How do you not see that? I don’t need her to be like Rose with Lissa (that was unhealthy for both of them and led to resentment, and Jill and Sydney don’t have that same base to start from regardless), but it is frustrating that it seems like Sydney starts to care less about everyone else than Adrian.
I will say the scenes with Sydney in her red Hetaera costume would be visually stunning, and the actual substance once she and Adrian get to his apartment is pretty fantastic. Heck, even Adrian’s “are you saying my sister looks like a prostitute?” is one of the funniest scenes in either series. But I hate that they’re all pretending to be siblings (or third cousins in Angeline’s case) and meanwhile all crushing on each other, and apparently Sydney and Eddie lose all good sense and forget that’s taboo? Um, WTF? Say what you will about VA, it always kept in mind that Romitri’s age gap was a taboo. Speaking of, I do not forgive Richelle for putting this in print: “Sonya gave [Dimitri] a sly smile. ‘And here I thought you had a soft spot for reckless young girls.’ ” EWW. Sonya was a teacher (even if we fuzz around on whether Dimitri was one). This isn’t funny. I will make an exception for the ship I love because sometimes I am a hypocrite, but don’t ask me to laugh about the idea of a 25 y.o. having a “soft spot for reckless young girls.”
Angeline honestly gets so mistreated in this one. Like to be clear, Eddie or Sydney should have felt free to say something sooner about how she was making him uncomfortable with her advances. But there’s a 15 y.o. who’s out in the world for the first time “there were more people at the school than had been in her mountain community” and Sydney acknowledges this and why she would be overwhelmed, then lays into her with more vehemence than she ever displays at Adrian, a 21 y.o., acting up, because the 15 y.o. was actually overwhelmed when a dumbass performance troupe invaded her space. Also, she and Dimitri are all “she’s here on a mission”... the Keepers don’t keep with your Moroi royalty or rigid Alchemist structure. You grabbed a second 15 y.o. to protect another from political terrorists because you couldn’t trust others from either of your societies to do that job. Heaven Forbid that a girl from the Keepers didn’t immediately adjust to the indoctrination that most Dhamphir girls her age have gone through.
Btw, if Richelle weren’t so focused from the outset on Sydrian, Trey/Sydney have so much potential given the way they’re foils of each other. I love Trey, even granted that he made mistakes. Also the Warriors of Light as the Alchemists’ brutish, less erudite cousins is annoying. Like, from a thematic place it makes sense and does help build toward Sydney’s defection from the Alchemists that she sees other humans are not always the good guys and her own organization has hidden secrets, but given how much VA was like “ew those classist royal Moroi” the absolute disdain Sydney has for the Keepers and Warriors for having older clothing or lesser means reads in this book as very classist. It doesn’t help that she’s simping over Adrian and Brayden’s expensive cars every chance.
On the Warriors Front, I have a major issue with how Sydney’s dynamic (and Jill’s) with Sonya are written in this book. Sonya is Jill’s mother’s cousin, who was one of the only ones to know Jill’s true paternity. Sonya admittedly went Strigoi for ~three years, but I don’t buy that Sonya wasn’t a constant for Jill at St. Vladimir’s during her elementary school years. And then Sonya was there for Jill after Romitri took care of the Dashkov/Doru brothers. Yet, Sonya and Jill never exchange any interactions on screen, and Jill doesn’t even get to be especially alarmed over her relative being abducted by the Warriors. Meanwhile, Sydney who saw Sonya’s restoration and literally described it as a miracle to Rose at the time, whose religiosity is a huge part of her character, and of her order, doesn’t mention it while trying to persuade the Warriors? Like, her dynamic with that type of magic could be fascinating, yet it’s totally glossed over rather than playing a part of Sydney’s increasing questioning around magic. Sydney knows with more certainty than anyone (save maybe Dimitri) that Sonya isn’t putting on an act- she saw Sonya go from feral Strigoi to repentant Moroi in front of her eyes. Her calling it a miracle would have even given the Warriors a better reason to try and discount her as magicked, so I don’t get why it wasn’t brought up. Setting aside that, two more minor grievances: 1) why did Sonya go over to Adrian’s (and no one made sure she got home safe) after the Warriors of Light made it clear they were watching his residence? 2) Sydney mentions 4 recorded restorations- that’s Dimitri, Sonya, Lee, and I guess the unnamed woman that Robert Doru first restored, but why are they including her when they actually know next to nothing about that one. ETA July 1: I had forgotten that it was Sonya who said the “in a fight they’re lethal” quote about Romitri- so that was a fun realization at least
Stray thoughts on the book: the Micah/Jill break-up was stupid and sad and pointless (and I like Angeline/Eddie better than Jeddie, though I’m not sure that was the case the first time I read the series). Shame on Lia DeStefano for manipulating Jill into the print ad. I really thought this book was going to end with Zoe showing up- I guess I forgot a full book of events. I know Keith’s dad is probably not a great guy given his son and exactly what Tom’s primary concerns were when we saw him on page, but I do tentatively like him? Everyone’s kind of an asshole to Clarence, especially given how they’re using his house and his presence for their convenience. I do like that Sydney has a rough time with the location spell and it takes hours of just sitting waiting before she can get it to work. I ended up hating Sydney’s storyline about weight my first time reading through Indigo Spell- it felt like Richelle threw it in and it didn’t actually seem any healthier to me, I think, that Adrian and Sydney were like... tit for tat pushing each other to stop their vices; that being said, I was surprised how much I kind of liked Adrian calling out Sydney’s obsession with weight at the end of GL. Like, I still don’t love a guy talking down to a woman about her weight (especially the phrasing of telling her to gain weight to be more beautiful) but the actual content was enough to overcome that while reading that scene, so I’m wondering if maybe my opinion on the plotline in IS will have changed.
The adaptation front:
so, like with VA and FB, I would combine the first two books into one season
I fancast a Latino guy as Eddie (with a book-typical blonde for Sydney), and a black biracial actress as Adrian... so um, as I mentioned, I really dislike how they try to “familiarize” Sydney, Eddie, Jill, Angeline, Adrian, and Keith... I’m not sure how to overcome those plot difficulties but anyway yeah
on the genderbent Adrian: so Adrian as a girl presents far fewer issues to adaptation than it did with the VA books; it maybe helps with the protectiveness from Clarence (he saw Tamara in Jill and Sydney, surely he would with Adrian too); since I mentioned how I don’t get why Lee never considered drinking from Adrian the spirit user, I do think that would be much more likely in a show with Adrian as a woman... so imagine Lee planned on draining Adrian that weekend in LA, but they lost track of each other, and after that he liked Adrian too much and cared about Jill, so it was a last resort like with Sydney vs. Keith; I realize this also means in Malachi Wolfe’s self-defense class, there are no guy students, but it could be the mom with three kids including a newborn is a dad instead, or other new various characters
lesbian Sydney: look, Frostbite was plenty evidence that sometimes even when you like someone there just isn’t heat to a relationship (Rose/Mason), and that was the point in Sydney/Brayden, but imagine Sydney going through the motions throughout GL and she’s really trying to date this cute guy, but she has no heat to it, and then Adrian (a fellow lady) kisses her and it’s a revelation... and she could simply be like, oh, so boys were the problem, and try to move on with a girl in IS (because even though she never considered it before, at least the Alchemists aren’t strictly speaking homophobic) but then realize... “yeah I had a crush on Rose too, and I’m into girls, but it’s specifically Adrian that I’m feeling this heat of real affection with”
like, this is something that majorly pissed me off while reading BL series the first time: you’ve got Jill girlcrushing on Sydney as a gag because of the psychic-link to Adrian, you’ve got Adrian having a threesome with two random Moroi girls, you have Adrian’s token lesbian art-class friend, and then Sydney gets caught in a relationship with Adrian and sent to conversion therapy (literally)... just give me lesbian Sydney otherwise fuck that noise
I mentioned the Hetaera costume already... I don’t care... I am ready for that visual, and her in the parking lot in it right before a storm... also Jill’s fashion runway and fairy dresses should be fun too
so if they get this far, would BL be it’s own series while VA is actually still running? I wonder how they would handle the time Sonya and Dimitri would be in Palm Springs? Could we get a fun crossover event with Mikhail coming to town with a quickness when Sonya gets abducted? He found out she was missing at 12 hrs. before the rescue mission- I don’t buy that he didn’t come to town to join them...
#I'm a VA girl#long underneath the cut#book appropriate trigger warnings (sexual assault disordered eating etc.)
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Penguin Teen Interns Recommend!!!
Summer is almost over, and sadly, it is time to say goodbye to our Summer 2017 Penguin Teen interns. They have been hard at work reading manuscripts, posting online Penguin Teen content, creating eBooks, planning author tours, attending lots of fun meetings and of course, doing lots and lots of reading! Before they left, we asked them for a few of their MUST READS you don’t want to miss out on!
An Ember in the Ashes series by Sabaa Tahir
Oona Ryle (Publicity Intern) “An Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir could not have been more aptly named – it won’t burn you, but the story will draw you closer with the warmth she creates in the character relationships. I’m reading the sequel, A Torch Against the Night, right now, and somehow, it’s even better than the first book!”
Perfect Ten by L. Philips
Dan Denning (Retail Marketing & Advertising Intern) “They say to never judge a book by its cover, but I fell in love with this book the instant I saw the cover… whoops. Still, the vibrancy, romanticism, and humor you see on that cover is exactly what is inside the book too! Sam’s journey to find his perfect boyfriend in a town where he is one of the only gay boys kept me 100 percent invested throughout all 352 pages. Read it for the captivating story, the adorable characters, the juicy romantic drama, and because you REALLY want to know which of Sam’s four crushes ends up being the final boy behind that unicorn mask on the cover.”
This is Really Happening by Erin Chack
Elizabeth Aaron (Production Intern) “As a fan of both memoirs and young adult lit, this book is best of both worlds. Erin Chack is both witty and real, and never shies away from brutal honesty. Her embarrassing moments are probably more relatable than I’d like to admit, and I found myself laughing with her, rather than at her. This book is perfect for readers who are sick of the same YA tropes, and are looking for a voice that sounds a little more like a friend than a character.”
Rebel Belle trilogy by Rachel Hawkins
Ema Barnes (Editorial Intern at Putnam) “What other trilogy starts off with a Homecoming queen killing someone with a shoe? I binge read the Rebel Belle trilogy in May and am enamored with spunky Harper Price. She’s the type of girl I want on my side: charming, witty, and entirely too sassy. Read this thrilling adventure of mystical Paladins and powerful friendships before school starts, because once you’ve started, you’ll be unable to put these books down.”
Roller Girl by Victoria Jamieson
Shaina Verma (Editorial Intern at Dial) “I read Roller Girl recently, and for someone who normally prefers Silence of the Lambs-style stuff I was blown away. The artwork was so fun and the storyline was fantastic – I felt like I was back in 6th grade, going through all the emotional turbulence again. I loved seeing Astrid’s character develop and learning about roller derby lingo, and the message about positivity, hard work, and maturity was pretty dang heartening. Pick this one up – you won’t regret it! Victoria Jamieson’s All’s Faire in Middle School is coming out this summer, too, so you won’t have to wait too long to read more by this amazing author.”
Salt to the Sea by Ruta Sepetys
Oona Intemann (Online Marketing Intern) “Usually I'm hopeless at keeping track of alternating points of view in a novel, but Sepetys does something magical here that keeps me in touch with these storylines the entire time. I love historical fiction, especially WW2-era, but knew very little about this event and about the people it affected. This is a heavy story, but so important. There is some romance, but just the right amount -- the real draw is reading about the lives of these young people, thrown into unspeakable danger and tragedy, caught between military powers in war-torn places. I was hooked from the start!”
Things I’m Seeing Without You by Peter Bognanni
Nicole Benevento (School & Library Marketing Intern) “When you open Things I’m Seeing Without You, you are immediately transported to the world of Tess Fowler, where high school has been left behind, her family’s inability to get along is typical, and the love of her life, Jonah, has committed suicide. This book is the perfect balance of hilariously funny and heartbreakingly beautiful with just the right amount of twists and turns to draw you in, as Tess begins to try to work through her grief in unconventional and unexpected ways. Things I’m Seeing Without You is the kind of book you won’t be able to put down until you turn the very… last… page. Pick it up as soon as it comes out October 3rd!”
Jane, Unlimited by Kristin Cashore
Tanu Srivastava (Editorial Intern at Puffin) “This book, from the author of The Graceling Realm series, starts out normally—Jane, who makes umbrellas, accepts an unexpected invitation to an opulent mansion, and finds herself mixed up with missing children, stolen artwork, mysterious frogs and hypnotic color-coded libraries. The story has five different endings, which get progressively more outlandish until reality is turned completely upside down. Bonus: References to classics like Jane Eyre and Rebecca! It comes out September 19th and you CAN’T miss it!”
Applications for our Fall 2017 internships are no longer being accepted, but we take interns every season Spring, Summer, and Fall! Keep an eye on our career page and definitely apply in the future. We’d love to have you!
#booklr#tumblarians#book recs#ya lit#jane unlimted#kristin cashore#sabaa tahir#an ember in the ashes#roller girl#things i'm seeing without you#peter bognanni#salt to the sea#ruta sepetys#rebel belle#victoria jamison#rachel hawkins#this is really happening#erin chack#perfect ten#l philips
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M.A. Larson Roasts the Fandom
Well, originally it was his, at least. From what we can gather, it seems this was an old script they had lying around from when Larson worked on the show, and they’ve retooled it to work for the current season.
Who exactly did the rearranging is still a mystery, although if I had to throw a guess out there, it would make sense that this season’s story editors Joanna Lewis and Kristine Songco (otherwise known as the Lady Writers) were the ones giving the script its updates.
If so, that explains why it came out so fantastically despite Larson saying he wasn’t happy with the final product.
From what very little I know about the industry, it’s not uncommon for writers to watch their scripts be turned into something totally, soul-crushingly different from their original vision. So, I’m hoping that behind-the-scenes communication issue is fixed. Even if it doesn’t always affect episode quality, we ended up losing a good writer over it, and I can’t imagine it feels good to put your heart and soul into something only for it to be changed before it airs.
That being said, it’s almost ironic that it happened with such a meta episode. Larson usually gets blamed for the Twilicorn fiasco despite his original script being totally different. So it’s kinda funny that Magical Mystery Cure got him flak for years and this episode — which ended up being sort of an encore after his grand finale with Amending Fences — is yet another episode that was changed without his consent but this time it ended up being pretty well loved (on the whole).
Life has a weird sense of humour like that.
I had to start with that behind-the-scenes stuff because I’m shocked—shocked—that they managed to make an episode that’s somehow even more meta than Slice of Life.
Not only that, but because of its weird production history it’s an episode that perfectly blends the old feel of MLP with the new. I really can’t tell you how much of Larson’s script they kept intact (he seemed to imply not a lot, but it feels so much like classic MLP that I almost refuse to believe some of this stuff wasn’t from him), but this is such a weirdly perfect episode because it brings that Return of Harmony feel to the season 7 version of these characters and this world.
And to top it all off, as a long-time fan of the show whose been in the fandom since season 2, the ponifed mirror it holds up to the fans is just hilarious.
Pictured above: us rn
Like, actually the best thing. It’s a funny episode for causal fans, but for hardcore fans, it’s amazing—and any commentary that can add a layer for those in the know, but not detract anything for the little fans or casual viewers, is just golden.
It also sort of exemplifies what there is to love about Larson. Even if nothing but his original concept ended up being used (still don’t believe that), it makes perfect sense that this came from him. The smart edge he was willing bring to Pony will forever be missed.
But, at least we have one last hurrah! Sort of. So without further introduction, allow me to fangirl over and pretend to analyze an episode about the dangers of missing the point by over-analyzing!
… wait.
Not Just a “It’s Just a Kids Show” Argument
Okay, so when you’re a huge fan of cartoons made for children, you tend to come across this argument a fair bit: it’s just a kids show. Why are you looking so deep into it? Don’t over-analyze it, it’s made for kids.
At glance you might think that’s what this episode is arguing, too, that if adult fans want to watch, they should keep in mind that it’s just for kids and not overthink it.
But that argument tends to come with the connotation that kids shows aren’t deep at all and can’t be meaningful because they’re made for kids. And it doesn’t take me to tell you, a cartoon fan, that that’s just not the case.
This episode isn’t devaluing what kids enjoy, or even saying all deep thought over what was intended to be fun, silly, and heartfelt is bad. But it is a reminder not to get so lost in that overthinking that you miss out on what the show’s really about: the fun, silly, cute horses learning cheesy, but still incredibly earnest lessons on life, love, and (of course) friendship.
And this isn’t exactly a middle finger to the fandom, either---I’ve seen it taken that way a few times, too. If you remember Slice of Life and even the convention scenes of Stranger than Fanfiction at all, you’ll remember M.A. Larson (who wrote Slice of Life) and the rest of the staff actually love our creativity and world-building. They dedicated an entire episode, the show’s 100th, to characters the fans created themselves.
And yes, even our analysis community is well-loved by the staff if Quibble Pants is anything to go by (his character may grate on Dash’s nerves from time to time, but he’s also portrayed as incredibly smart, inventive, and learns a lesson in the end to become a better pony).
So, please don’t misunderstand: they do still love our passion and even our crazy, overly-deep ideas, and you can even make criticisms if you want (I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s an anti-criticism thing, either), but the point is that we need just need to keep things in perspective, or else miss out on the fun of it all.
And, that this show is meant for kids. Not “just for kids,” like that’s a bad thing, but that kids are, have been, and will forever be the target audience, and that’s something we should always have a respect for.
I’ve always loved that about the staff. That they have a great love for the young fans of the show, and they’ll always put them first. It’s the way it should be, even with a an older fanbase that they also love dearly (despite our many, many flaws; which come to think of it mirrors the lesson the mane 6 are trying to teach).
So, yeah, this is one of the funniest lessons the show has had to date, and but also one that carries a lot of meaning, for fans young and old.
I warned you that this would be a lot of fangirling.
Character Growth, Comedy, and Criticisms
God, this episode has so much going for it… I’m just sitting here trying to think of where to start and remembering just how much there is to enjoy here.
Okay, for starters, he nailed the fanbase’s biggest hangups over the years:
Fluttershy: Learning the same lesson over and over Pinkie Pie: Considered flanderized when she seems too silly/not grounded in the moment (think Filli Vanilli, the colouring book in Princess Twilight Part 1, or the balloon distracting her in Three’s a Crowd) Rainbow Dash: Hardcore fans claim she’s perfect, is best pony Twilight: Was better before the wings, or would’ve been better if ____ had happened Applejack and Rarity are hilariously switched. Rarity is the background pony getting all the criticism every time she does anything (has an episode), and Applejack is the one that’s praised to the point of obsession.
Spike, ironically, doesn’t have a role in this episode, and you can tell just based on some of her lines that Starlight took his spot in the rewrites (Spike totally would’ve stayed behind with Rarity in the exact same way). I’m a bit bummed they didn’t put in a joke or two for him, because he did write in that journal, too. They could’ve even commented on whether or not he’s considered part of the friend group (a major character or a supporting character), but there’s only so much running time.
I love that the CMC just got popular on the playground for their entries. Like, no drama there, they’re just loved because they’re adorable and sweet, and isn’t that accurate though?
Also: they actually are going to have an episode later this season about that summer camp idea they had, called Marks and Recreation. And some people wonder why I love the later seasons.
And I like that by calling some things out in-episode, like Fluttershy’s baby steps or Pinkie’s silliness, they actually get a chance to say, yeah, you might be legitimately right, but here’s how they’ve grown as characters.
Even just listening to some of the lyrics of the song: Rainbow Dash’s ego is huge, but it gives her the courage to fail, Pinkie might seem overly excited on the outside, but it’s just because she’s so excited to be with her friends. Twilight’s was a bit rushed to get to the chorus, but aside from hers, they each get at the heart of why these characters are so compelling and endearing and I just?
I just really love that.
Oh and I want to take a moment to appreciate the design of the song, because Daniel Ingram puts in so much freakin’ thought to these sometimes. The point of the song is that their flaws are what make them who they are, and by extension make them friends, so what does Ingram do?
Not only gives them each a verse to detail one of their biggest flaws, but lets them come together in perfect harmony for the chorus. That perfectly matches the meaning of the song.
If it sounds similar to another season 7 song because of that harmony, you’re not wrong: it’s similar in structure to Until the End of Time (or was it When We’re with Our Team?), only that was half a joke song: the point was that in comparison to Starlight and Trixie, the girls have a ridiculously easy time getting along. Super catchy and upbeat, but also a lot more vague than Flawless because it’s focusing on just how well they get along after all this time of being friends. So, this episode’s song ends up being the more meaningful of the two.
Oh, and then there’s Starlight Glimmer in a supporting role! See, this season has been letting her play the supporting role instead of always being the star or costar in her appearances, which really helps integrate her more and more into the cast. Even though she comes up with the idea of showing the girls they’re appreciated, she doesn’t overshadow their efforts to solve the problem.
A part of me doesn’t like that she had to take Spike’s role in the episode to do it, and again, that would’ve been remedied if Spike had a small joke about being on the run from crazy fans asking how close he is to Twilight and the girls really. It’s not like whoever revised this episode didn’t have a great sense of humour too---if nothing else, our Mystery Editor(s) definitely must’ve put in Starlight’s line about needing to copy the Communist Manifesto, so I’m sure they also could’ve reworked something funny for Spike quickly.
But at least we have a Spike episode this coming week to help make up for it.
Back to this episode, can we just.
Can we JUST appreciate the comedy?
Not even ‘oh this episode made the giggles’ but just like... the sheer variety of kinds of jokes? We had slapstick, we had sight gags, we had things floating into frame, we had the frame moving over to the punchline, we had ridiculously hilarious expressions, character humour, smartly written lines, and to put the cherry on the cake of course, we had meta humour.
Like, this episode is a comedic gold mine.
It makes me appreciate the different kinds of humour the show has to offer. Dr. Wolf just recently made a video on the lack of slapstick in MLP in recent seasons, and as a fan of director Edgar Wright (Scott Pilgrim, Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, At World’s End, Baby Driver, etc), I recently watched a video on how he does visual comedy like no other director. Give it a watch if you’re interested.
So, yeah, since most episodes have one or two styles of comedy they rely more heavily on, it’s just refreshing to get a full buffet.
Oh, but even after the lesson, I should probably still say something critical in this this critical analysis, shouldn’t I?
Well, fine.
For one, the townsponies viewing the mane 6 differently once they know their personal thoughts is somewhat reasonable, but if you take a step back from the meta of the episode, it does put this episode in the category of: the town acts like jerks for an episode... episode
I find it hilarious and don’t have much of a problem with it, but I realize that for some, this is an actual problem because this is supposed to be such a loving, kind world.
At least this time there’s a reason for them to go total Jerk---unlike, say the marketplace in Putting Your Hoof Down or the squabbling delegates of Princess Spike---but for some this is going to be an issue.
Also, you have to wonder if they censored some things in the journal, because otherwise, everyone now knows Daring Do is A.K. Yearling...
... unless that’s what upcoming episode Daring Done is about. Have I mentioned I love the continuity in this show?
Oh, and I think I might make the details section its own post this time. Normally save a space at the bottom to highlight small details I liked in an episode, but this post has already become a huge love-letter, so I should probably spare your dash from being eaten alive.
So, overall, to me, this episode is kind of masterful. Larson was definitely the man for the job: I can’t think of anyone else who could so eloquently put the fandom in their place without straight up insulting them---or have the cojones to try! All while reminding the fandom of all the reasons there are to like the show in the first place!
Brilliant in concept, and in execution, so even though I spent this post praising Larson himself, I’ve also gotta give some love to the current staff members for this one. Like I said, it blends classic MLP sensibilities with all the polish, development, and emphasis on continuity of the current seasons, and for that, it’s a truly unique, wonderfully insightful episode.
And right off the heels of The Perfect Pear, which was an emotional masterpiece in my eyes, too! Right now, I’ve gotta say, it’s good to be an MLP fan.
Need more pony? I always do. That’s why I have all these episode reviews and editorials for you! And to make it easier, have the last three things I’ve done:
Hard to Say Anything Review, Honest Apple Review, and SciTwi v.s. Twilight
Year of the Pony
Special Thanks to Millennial Dan on Deviantart, who made the Microphone vector for the logo! And Kishmond for the book vector!
Is MLP Officially the Most Meta Cartoon Yet or What?
#year of the pony#fame and misfortune#mlp#yearofthepony#mlp reviews#my little pony#friendship is magic#mlp:fim#mlp: fim#twilight sparkle#fluttershy#pinkie pie#rarity#applejack#rainbow dash#starlight glimmer#the cutie mark cursaders#mlp season 7#mlp s7#mlp analysis#cartoons#animation
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Replacements, 1st Time Around
In 1983, the Replacements hit Los Angeles for the first time. I followed them around for a week or two. This story, from the Dec. 2, 1983 issue of the Los Angeles Reader, is being posted in acknowledgement of the band’s splendid live album “For Sale,” which is being released on Friday by Rhino and is utterly tremendous. ********** During a Midwestern winter, when the seasonal temperatures gravitate toward the arctic, a rock ‘n’ roll band has to play hard just to stay warm. Judging from the rather limp records that emanate from the region, there are a lot of frozen butts in the heart of the nation. Midwestern rock hasn’t had much to offer since the garage-band heyday of Chicago’s Shadows of Knight and Minneapolis’ Litter, besides the pre-punk spasms of the MC5 and the Stooges.
Last week, though, a Minneapolis band pulled through L.A. and proved that there’s no energy crisis in their particular basement. The Replacements knocked out four superior sets of go-for-the-throat rock ‘n’ roll in the local clubs. I’ll borrow one of their song-title catch phrases: Color me impressed.
The Replacements have been together since 1979. They’ve released three records’ worth of original material (two albums and an EP) that could blow Violent Femme Gordon Gano’s precious little gonads from here to Maine. After hearing them on vinyl and in concert, there’s no doubt as to who the true Kings of the Great White North are.
The records, all on the Twin Cities-based Twin/Tone label, are all raw, unmanicured productions that opt for scurvy power rather than flat professionalism. Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash, the debut album released in 1981, is a sort of song cycle of 18 tunes about cruising, partying, romance, dope, drunkenness, and the other senseless pursuits of adolescent Midwesterners. Its 1982 follow-up, The Replacements Stink, is a harder, louder eight-song EP that refines the first record’s sound into a murderous ball-peen screech. The latest LP, Hootenanny, is a lovably sloppy, diversely programmed collection incorporating blues, country, and folk elements hitherto unheard on the group’s recordings.
The great virtue of the Replacements’ records is a charming insouciance about polish, cleanliness, subtlety, taste, and other non-rock ‘n’ roll concerns. The band comes on like a disarming juvenile trash compacting of the pre-’66 Rolling Stones, the New York Dolls, the Stooges, the Sex Pistols, and the Ramones. Crudity, humor (much of it self-deprecating), velocity, and high volume are the hallmarks of the Replacements’ style. The Dolls are their most obvious role model: The ear-scraping abandon of Bob Stinson’s guitar recalls Johnny Thunders at his most frenetic, and vocalist Paul Westerberg’s drunken, hoarse warbling is comparable to the caterwauling of the pre-solo David Johansen.
Westerberg writes the lion’s share of the band’s material, and it is largely terrific stuff. He’s at his best when confronting the trials of Everykid, whether goofing off at the bus stop (“Hangin’ Downtown”), lusting after the girl who works at the corner store (“Customer’), lamenting the necessities of lower education (“Fuck School”), or confronting the idiocies of average teenage social behavior (“I Bought a Headache” and “Color Me Impressed”).
Though many of the numbers are smash ‘n’ snarl thrashers, there’s enough variety in the Replacements’ sound to keep them out of sticky-floored identipunk corners. Many of Westerberg’s most effective and affecting compositions are ballads – “Johnny’s Gonna Die” (a premature elegy for the graveyard-bound Johnny Thunders, on Sorry Ma), “Go” (on Stink), and “Willpower” (on Hootenanny). The group also shows an increasing affinity for inebriated blues and boogie; the standard mode of Midwestern barroom bashing is utilized to ironic effect in “White and Lazy” (which sounds remarkably like the Dolls’ boozy remake of Bo Diddley’s “Pills”) and “Take Me Down to the Hospital.” Westerberg is also reportedly a prolific writer of folkish solo material: This side of his style is reflected on record in the non-LP B side “If Only You were Lonely” and the caustic, basement-tapey self lampoon “Treatment Bound,” which concludes Hootenanny: “We’re getting’ noplace as fast as we can/We get a nose full from our so-called friends.”
This daffy catalog of styles, as well as some wonderfully blatant cops (everything from the Dragnet theme to “Frere Jacques,” “Oh Darling,” and “The Twist”), combines with Westerberg’s nose-thumbing take on dumb youth angst and the band’s flat-out, heated performance methodology to make for rock ‘n’ roll that is alert, aware, pointed, and funny. On their records (and I wouldn’t part with any one of them), the Replacments are unbeatable. Onstage, even when approaching the boundary line of chaos, they’re among the most special of live bands.
I don’t know where you suckers were last week, but the Replacements shows in L.A. were without exception under-attended. Well, you blew it, chumps, and don’t let it happen next time. This is a band that can knock you out of your Nikes even on the slowest and worst of nights, and they shouldn’t be missed.
Visually, they’re an unprepossessing lot. Paul Westerberg is an emaciated rail who looks like he rolled out of bed just before the gig; his sole concession to onstage fashion is some poorly applied eye makeup, which just emphasizes the beatness of his wardrobe (faded flannels and T-shirts and well-worn jeans) and the comatosity of his appearance. His face is perpetually creased by a knowing smirk; like Popeye, he speaks and sings out of the corner of his mouth.
Guitarist Bob Stinson is the group’s fashion plate: He usually plays in a polka-dotted skirt, or in his jockey shorts. The pocket of his blue denim jacket holds his toothbrush. His brother Tommy, the group’s bassist, and drummer Chris Mars are little babyfaces (the junior Stinson joined the group when he was 12). For all his youthful appearance, Mars possess a deadpan wit: Shortly after Kristine McKenna pegged him as a Yale student in the Times, Mars showed up on the Music Machine stage wearing a T-shirt hand-lettered in Magic Marker with “YAIL UNIVERSITY.”
“Loose” is a term that can be used to describe a typical Replacements set. Some songs do not so much end as break down in a clatter of drums and a squawk of feedback. Westerberg and the young Stinson are often to be found in conversation during a guitar solo. Blown key changes occur with regularity. The band is frankly casual about its performance demeanor. At the Music Machine last Wednesday, Tommy Stinson leaned over in midtune to grab a beer, and his bass immediately came both unplugged and unstrapped; he unhurriedly refitted himself, in time to pluck the last two notes of the song.
This is definitely a group who hold to their professed sub-professional standing (“The label wants a hit/But we don’t give a shit,” they sing in “Treatment Bound”), but their carelessness and blithe disregard for even the basics of showmanship never interfere with the impact of the show.
They heave their way through a set at eardrum-crushing volume, with Westerberg, his vocal cords ready to snap at any moment, screaming to be heard over the din. Bob Stinson’s Fender spits out withering clusters of spike-toned notes, underpinned by Westerberg’s brutishly loud rhythm guitar. And Tommy Stinson and Mars provide a relentless backup. As wiggy as the band can get, its musicianship is generally of the highest caliber.
They provide more than a few laughs, too. They’ll switch instruments to play the title track from Hootenanny. They’ll rock out on “The Marine Corps Hymn,” essay Hank Williams’ “Hey Good Lookin’” or T. Rex’s “Twentieth Century Boy,” or perform a country-and-western version of their “God Damn Job” (lyric: “I need a god damn job/I need a god damn job/God damn it/God damn it/God damn/ I need a god damn job”).
I got hooked on the Replacements’ energy and sharp-incisored humor at Club Lingerie two weeks ago, where, looking a bit singed from the road, they wowed some of the assembled waxworks with a ragged but involving set. I wound up following the group around town during the next few days. They did a sizzling marathon hour-and-a-quarter show at the Cathay de Grande on Monday night, and a tough, nutty, erratic one at the Music Machine on Wednesday.
Musically, they were at low ebb at their return Cathay engagement on Thanksgiving, but that set may have been the most revealing of all. The house was filled with Mohawked dolts panting for Social Distortion. The Replacements, who could easily have mowed their audience down with a show comprising their short, fierce, hardcore-styled tunes, instead opted for the opposite tack. They began the show with the blues shuffle “White and Lazy” and made their alienating way through every ballad, country tune, and slow number in their repertoire. The leftover turkeys in the crowd were gobbling as the set oozed its way to a conclusion, but it was the Replacements who were having the last laugh on the fashion-conscious ex-surfers in leather. As Tommy Stinson said in mock admiration, “Wow, punk rockers.”
Remember when punk rockers gave their audiences the raspberry (or worse), disassembled rigid expectations, and guffawed at the status quo? At the Cathay on Turkey Day, the Replacements proved something besides the fact that they are a great rock ‘n’ roll band. They proved that they may just be the last real punk band in America. Come back soon, guys – there are some other folks in this sleepy town who could use some waking- and wising-up.
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Welcome to Top Ten Tuesday! Founded through The Broke and the Bookish, Top Ten is about showcasing a list of some of our favorite things. August 8, 2017, we’ll talk about our Top Ten Series I Know I Should Read.
Heroes of Olympus by Rick Riordan I loved Percy Jackson. I mean, L-O-V-E. Not on a Harry Potter level. Or maybe. I'm not sure. I actually read Percy Jackson when I was in college so I don't know what's stopping me from reading about HOO. I feel like it's because I haven't read a middle-grade in so very long and I just never found the intense desire to jump back into it - but Percy Jackson was so near and dear to my heart. I started reading HOO with the first book, but then MARK OF ATHENA came out and then I don't know what happened. I bought the book. I was gonna read it. And then it ended up in my TBR pile for years! I want to revisit this world. Seriously.
Falling Kingdoms by Morgan Rhodes Falling Kingdoms is a series that I am hesitant to dive into now, especially because there are so many books out. How many are there? Seven including the companion series? GEEZ. And the next one is coming out soon, too, right? I've heard nothing but good things about Falling Kingdoms and I'm so in love with the covers. I think that another thing that has thrown me off is that there are lots of characters and I'm hesitant to try to keep track of them, especially because I love being able to watch development in the core ones. There's JUST SO MANY, but it's set in a historical period with magic and unrest and ALL THE GOOD STUFF.
The Wrath and the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh I need to read this on the sole reason that the food descriptions in it are just simply scrumptious. I've heard nothing is more scintillating than how Ahdieh describes food (except her extravagant storytelling). Plus, I love a good love story and I've been told time and time again that this is a beautiful and gut-wrenching one. I love angst.
Villains by V.E. Schwab This is just a an automatic given to me. I mean, come on. V.E. Schwab is just one of my auto-buys. But I have taken my sweet time to read VICIOUS, but I know I need to hurry my ass up because the second book, VENGEFUL, is coming out soon! I like the synopsis of these two ambitious friends turned rivals and it reminds me of Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr from X-Men. There's this big conflict that surrounds and guides the protagonists, Victor and Eli and I want to know what comes from it! I know from other readers that it definitely reads towards the mature and I guess that's what's thrown me off about it - that it's closer to adult than it is young adult. Nevertheless, I know Schwab is a fantastic writing so I need to write it ASAP.
Newsoul by Jodi Meadows I only very recently read Meadows's duology, THE ORPHAN QUEEN and man what was I waiting for? So, naturally I had to scour back to her first series, Newsoul and see what that was about. Reading through the synopsis for INCARNATE has got me really interested. I love the idea of reincarnation and surprisingly, I have not read a lot of YA about the subject. In this series where it is first used to introduce a star-crossed lovers angle is pretty intriguing. Burn for Burn by Jenny Han and Siobhan VivianIf you have followed me on Instagram or Tumblr, then you will know how much I adore Jenny Han's writing. I have the Burn for Burn series on my shelf, all beautiful in their pastel jacket covers. And they menacingly stare at me with their spines. I've been told that it's got an interesting plot - one that I might or might not like, but I like books where there is a core three, especially when they seem to be close friends like the girls are in Burn for Burn. It's got notes of supernatural, contemporary, and girl-power charm. How can I not be into that?
The Circle of Magic by Tamora Pierce Tamora Pierce is a required read for any fantasy fan, but her Emelan series is the BEST. Not only does it have strong female characters, magic, an amazing adoptive family, but the world is so breathtaking. I want to live there. Each character is unique, and the relationships between them all has me unable to even pick a favorite.
Graceling Realm by Kristin Cashore I feel like this is one of those series where I will get my ass kicked because I have not read it I vaguely remember starting to read GRACELING and felt like it wasn't the book for me - but it was when it first came out in 2008 and my reading tastes have completely changed since then. I know that this series trios together some kickass heroines that have really inspired and changed the views of females in YA. I cannot believe it's been so long since I've acknowledged the series, but I really want to get into the world of Graceling, knowing there is always room for females to look up to.
Firebird by Claudia Gray I recently fell in love with Claudia Gray's DEFY THE STARS so I knew that I had to really go back and read one of her more famous and recent finished series, FIREBIRD. I don't know why I thought I knew the synopsis of this series. I guess I got it completely confused with something else because I was just reading it on Goodreads and it sounds SO GOOD. Science, fantasy, ROMANCE??? A girl chasing a boy through dimensions to avenge her parents? SIGN ME UP. Plus, the covers are blindingly gorgeous. I am seriously in love.
Penryn & the End of Days by Susan Ee I have heard so much about this trilogy. It's such an old one, but I feel like it has a big cult following. I don't know why I've never actually picked up ANGELFALL, especially since it's such a pretty cover. I guess in the back of my mind, I know it's always there and it's a finished series that it'll always be there for me to pick up in my TBR pile. But really, what is intriguing me is not just the cool angel aspect, but the romance that seems to really capture people who have read it. I've seen so many edits of the series and the relationship between the two mains kind of gets to me.
The Curse Workers by Holly Black Who can resist con-men, magical powers, and mobster intrigue? No one, that's who. That's why you have to read the Curse Workers series by Holly Black. Moral ambiguity at it's finest, Cassel Sharpe is a guy that just wants to be normal and never will be. The voice and plot are to die for, realistic and catching. Plus, the audiobook is narrated by Jesse Eisenberg which was weirdly wonderful to listen to.
#top ten tuesday#books#yalit#graceling realm#Kristin Cashore#the curse workers#holly black#penryn and the end of days#susan ee#firebird#claudia gray#the circle of magic#tamora pierce#newsoul#jodi meadows#heroes of olympus#rick riordan#falling kingdoms#morgan rhodes#the wrath and the dawn#renee ahdieh
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Markedly Worse Than Expected
by Dan H
Sunday, 27 February 2011
Dan really disliked Marked~
As Ferretbrain enters its fifth year (have we really been doing this for that long?) I sometimes fear that our articles in general – and my articles in particular – have become too self-referential. This is especially true given that recently most of what I have been reading has been books that were voted off from our recent
TeXt Factor Special
.
Six months or so on, I'm still rather pleased with the way the original TeXt Factor turned out – while the whole premise is clearly stupid, every time I've actually tried to finish one of the books we voted out (at least, one of the books we voted out before the point where everything got quite good) I've felt that the experience thoroughly vindicated our original decision to just stop reading the damned thing.
This was certainly true of Marked.
We voted off Marked in
the first round of the Halloween Special
for a variety of reasons, mostly that its protagonist was a horrible, horrible person and that all the stuff about the heroine's “Cherokee ancestry” felt like a big pit of terrible fail waiting to happen.
We were basically right.
Faint Praise
A friend of mine used to have a saying which he used to employ in order to acknowledge the fact that something which he felt was utterly without merit presumably had some value to other people. He would say: “For people who like that sort of thing, that is the sort of thing that they like.”
This is about the limit of my ability to praise the (apparently very popular) Marked. I can see how it would appeal to certain types of person in certain types of ways. Unfortunately the type of person is “horrible people” and the method of appeal is “by playing on their worst and most selfish instincts.”
Okay, this is an overstatement, but basically Marked is written in the voice (and presumably for a target audience) of a teenage girl who is unbelievably selfish, utterly judgemental, hates everybody who is not part of her immediate social circle, and who believes (it seems quite justifiably) that she is the centre of the entire universe. This is not necessarily a problem in itself – it is perfectly reasonable for books to have unsympathetic protagonists, and as an evocation of a particular kind of thoroughly horrible teenager Marked succeeds admirably – the problem is that the protagonist's repugnant qualities are routinely vindicated by the world in which she lives, and frequently lauded as virtues (particularly her harsh and incessant condemnation of girls she considers “sluts”).
Identity and Appropriation
An area of American race politics about which I know absolutely nothing, and which I would not under ideal circumstances touch with a barge pole, is the question of who is and is not entitled to legitimately identify as Native American.
To present a broad, oversimplistic view of a complicated situation, there are a lot of white people in America who unreasonably appropriate Native American culture and identity, often on the basis of a spurious blood connection (“I'm one-seventeenth Cherokee!”), people also often use this sort of iffy cultural appropriation to excuse other sorts of crappy behaviour (“I'm one-seventeenth Cherokee therefore nothing I say can ever be construed as racist”).
Where it gets more complicated (and I am aware that it gets vastly more complicated, and that this is still an oversimplification of the complexity of the whole thing) is that there are plenty of people who genuinely are “one sixteenth Cherokee” and whose claim to a Native American cultural heritage is never the less completely sound. Not all Native Americans live on reservations or run casinos. It is very tempting for people like me to assume that if somebody lives a life which is more or less the same as my own, that said person cannot be a “real” Native American – this of course is actually a form of subconscious racism, it is easy for me to assume that all Native Americans live picturebook lives of harmony with nature and genteel poverty, when in fact they're twenty-first century people just like me.
Now the thing is, I do think that the way in which “Zoey Redbird” identifies with the Cherokee people in Marked actually does fall into the category of skeevy cultural appropriation but I am very very conscious that I am in danger of dismissing somebody's real and genuine cultural identity just because they don't fit my personal stereotype of a member of their race.
So to start off with, here are some things which I don't think cause a problem, even though they might seem to.
I do not think it is a problem that Zoey passes as white. A lot of Native Americans do.
I do not think it is a problem that Zoey is essentially a normal American teenager. It is extraordinarily important to remember that Native Americans are not some kind of fantasy race, they're real people. I am absolutely certain that there are sixteen year old Cherokee girls who read Gossip Girl and had crushes on Leonardo di Caprio.
I do not think it is a problem that Zoey moves freely between two cultures, taking the elements she likes from both. A person of mixed cultural and racial heritage has a complete right to all of the elements that make up their identity, not just the minority part.
Finally, I do not think that it is a problem that, looking at the photograph in the back of the book, P.C. and Kristin Cast don't “look” Native American. This is true for two reasons. Firstly, pursuant to my first point above, it's possible that they're actually genuinely from a Native American cultural background, and just happen to have relatively pale skin. Secondly, as ever authorial intent is not a major concern. Even if P.C. And Kristin Cast are presenting a cultural identity to which they have a legitimate claim, they might still be doing it in a way which feels like or encourages appropriation of that culture.
Here are the things that do make me think that the Native American elements in Marked can be read as skeevy cultural appropriation:
Firstly, Zoey's Native American heritage is exclusively associated with magic, mysticism and the supernatural. Her one link to that part of her heritage is her Grandmother, who runs a lavender farm and is part of a long line of Cherokee wise women. Zoey is, of course, the natural heir to that power. Her Grandmother is also, for some reason, entirely au fait with and accepted at the House of Night, which is otherwise extremely dismissive of humans. Zoey's Cherokee heritage is routinely cast as part of the same world as the vampires. Although in this world the vampires are clearly the cool, sexy, interesting people and we are supposed to sympathise with them they are still ultimately not human. Although the series (being very much a teen-angst Family Romance) takes a very dim view of humans in general, that does not really make it okay to put “humans” in one box and “Native Americans” in another
On a second, related note, the spiritual beliefs of the Cherokee people (to which Zoey is heir, and for which she feels a strong affinity) are presented as compatible (and at times interchangeable) with the clearly Wiccan-derived beliefs of the House of Night. The vampyre rituals which involve drawing pentagrams, calling the corners, and raising the four elements are presented as blending seamlessly with Zoey's grandmother's traditional cultural practices, despite the fact that pentagrams and a four-element cosmology are strictly European cultural artefacts. It even declares that the Greek Goddess Nyx is one and the same as Grandmother Spider which, well I don't actually know enough about either figure to tell you the differences or similarities, but we're dealing with figures from completely different mythologies – I strongly suspect that saying “Nyx is also Grandmother Spider” on the basis of their both being female deities with an association with night is sort of like saying “Jesus is also Eros” on the basis of their being male deities who have an association with love. It all combines to create the strong impression that Marked uses Cherokee culture as a source of cool special effects and exciting mystical sounding ideas, rather than as something that real people really believe in.
The third thing that pushes my skeeve buttons regarding Zoey's Native American identification is that her “Cherokee features” are always exaggerated by her vampirism. Zoey is always at her most Cherokee when she is at her most inhuman, her most exotic, her most unnatural.
To put it another way, there is never any sense that Zoey's Cherokee heritage is just a part of her, it is never something she just takes for granted as part of her cultural background. It is always presented as something alien, exotic, and mystical. Now I recognise that this could be seen as a realistic portrayal of a sixteen year old girl. It's possible that if you were sixteen and felt like an outsider as many do, that you would fixate on a part of your background that you perceived as mysterious and exotic and would exaggerate the mystery and exoticism of it. On the other hand the rest of the world reinforces this creepy Othering of Cherokee culture – Zoey's heritage really does give her magic powers, her Grandmother obviously feels Zoey really gets it, and of course no amount of subjectivity on the part of the narrator can explain why Cherokee spiritual beliefs are suddenly so compatible with Wicca.
I've spent a really long time talking about this, which is ironic because it's not actually the thing I found the most annoying.
Ain't Shit But Ho's and Tricks
I spend a lot of time on FB dissing people for being sexist. Usually I'm on (comparatively) safe ground because the people I'm dissing are men, and usually what I'm saying is something like “I think this author is being sexist in this way, and I think I can recognise it because I think they are indulging in a sexist impulse which I sometimes recognise in myself.”
I find myself in a difficult position with Marked in that I find its portrayal of women and girls extremely troubling, but am naturally a bit leery of saying “hey, you women are writing about women wrong! Let my penis explain why!” On the other hand, the whole book is full of creepy gender-essentialism and slut-shaming and it's important to recognise that women can be sexists too.
In the first episode of the TeXt Factor Halloween Special, Kyra observed that the thing about Marked was that it really did feel like it was written by a Mom-and-Daughter team, in that it often used very teenage language to express very adult concepts. To put it another way, Zoey reads like a teenage girl who has totally internalised the preconceptions and prejudices of her slightly creepy, more-conservative-than-she-thinks-she-is, sex-negative mother.
So we keep getting lines like:
Did you know that your oldest daughter has turned into a sneaky, spoiled slut who's screwed half the football team? Kinda like those girls who have sex with everyone and think they're not going to get pregnant or a really nasty STD that eats your brains and stuff. Well, we'll see in ten years, won't we? Of course there are girls who think it's 'cool' to give guys head. Uh, they're wrong, those of us with functioning brains know it is not cool to be used like that. Tucked into her countrified jeans was a black, long-sleeved cotton blouse that had the expensive look of something you'd find at Saks or Neiman Marcus versus the cheaper see-through shirts that overpriced Abercrombie tries to make us believe aren't slutty.
And that's from the first ninety pages.
Now I don't want to get too far up on my Minority Warrior horse here, I don't want to say “this book is harmful to young women” or “this book is actively immoral” or anything but as the book progresses it does seem to send profoundly unhelpful and contradictory messages to its primary audience.
The vampyres of the House of Night have a matriarchal society (although it seems to be grounded in some distinctly patriarchal ideas), and the vast majority of the adult vampyres we encounter in the book are female, and every single one of them is drop-dead gorgeous and incredibly sexually alluring, and their sexual allure is held up as something to aspire to.
For example, here is the description of the Vampire High Priestess Neferet:
She was movie-star beautiful, Barbie beautiful. I'd never seen anyone up close who was so perfect. She had huge, almond-shaped eyes that were a deep, mossy green. Her face was an almost perfect heart and her skin was that kind of flawless creaminess that you see on TV. Her hair was a deep red – not that horrid carrot-top orange red or the washed-out blond-red but a dark, glossy auburn that fell in heavy waves well past her shoulders.
I'm breaking this up here mostly to draw attention to the next line, but while I'm adding filler text, I'll just quickly ask: what the hell is up with “almond-shaped eyes”, it's used everywhere but seriously what the hell other shape are eyes supposed to be?
Anyway, the description continues thus:
Her body was, well, perfect. She wasn't thin like the freak girls who puked and starved themselves into whatever they thought was Paris Hilton chic … This woman's body was perfect because she was strong, but curvy. And she had great boobs.
So having just spent half a page describing this woman who fits exactly into an unrealistic, unattainable beauty standard and how amazingly wonderful and gorgeous this makes her and how girls can and should aspire to look like her, she then takes a random sideswipe at girls who aspire to a slightly different beauty standard.
Now just to be clear, I am not complaining that Zoey is not in favour of anorexia. Eating disorders are bad and people who have them need help, not condemnation (I'm not going to get into the whole pro-ana thing here). But Zoey doesn't say “this woman was beautiful because she was confident in her own body, unlike those girls who feel so much pressure to conform to other people's ideas that they puke and starve themselves.” No she says as an objective statement: This Woman's Body Was Perfect. I know we don't get much detail about Neferet's figure, but we aretold that she's “Barbie beautiful” which combined with “strong but curvy” implies fairly strongly that she looks more like Christina Hendricks than Amber Riley.
When Zoey talks about “those freak girls who puked and starved themselves” it sounds a lot like as if she is criticising aims rather than methods. Certainly she is extremely critical of the (one or two) fat people she meets in the book so her issue is clearly not with people trying to lose weight. The problem with “those freak girls” is not that they're trying to make themselves thinner (that's only sensible) it's that they're doing it in order to look like Paris Hilton, instead of like a “real” woman.
I should probably take a step back here and say a couple of things (the second being, in part, a counterpoint to the first). The first thing I should say is that it is possible that the House of Night series is actually being extraordinarily subtle and sophisticated, and that all of these examples of Zoey being judgemental about other girls are going to be shown to be false and hypocritical in future volumes, but I sincerely doubt it.
This brings me to my second point, which is that I can absolutely see where a lot of the problems with this book come from. If I was a mother, trying to write a Young Adult book with the help of my teenage daughter, I would almost certainly wind up putting these kinds of messages into the book in the honest belief that I was setting a positive example for young girls. A lot of Zoey's most hateful pronouncements feel like the kinds of half-truths that a well-meaning parent would tell their daughter in order to help her more-or-less get by in the complicated world of adolescence. If you're trying to explain to your fifteen year old about oral sex, I suspect most parents given the choice between:
“It has lower risk than vaginal or anal sex, but you can still contract most sexually transmitted diseases, if you try it and find you don't like it then stop and don't let anybody make you feel you have to, on the other hand if you find you get pleasure out of it then as long as you're aware of the risks then it's alright, and doing it won't make you a bad person. And remember that just because you give a guy a blowjob it doesn't mean you have to have sex with him, but also remember that guys might not see things the same way, most importantly remember that nobody has the right to control what happens to your body except you”
and
“Girls who do that are stupid and have no self-respect.”
most would choose the latter. Most mothers, I suspect, would far rather tell their daughters that oral sex was something only bad girls did than have to have a conversation about what spunk tastes like. Then there's the risk analysis element: from a perfectly understandable perspective, if you tell your kid that it's okay to enjoy giving head, then the worst case scenario is that she dies of a sex-disease. If you tell her it's not okay to enjoy giving head, then the worst case scenario is that she misses out on something she might have found sexually fulfilling. I can absolutely see why, if you were a parent, you would want your little girl to grow up thinking like Zoey.
The problem, of course, is that it just doesn't work that way. Teaching your children to be frightened or ashamed of sex doesn't, in practice, stop them from having it (the waters are muddied here by the fact that actually a lot of teenagers – by accident or design – avoid sex anyway) what it does is make the sex they do have less safe, both physically and psychologically.
But I digress.
In the latter half of the book, most of Zoey's ire is directed at Aphrodite. To be fair, Aphrodite is a horrible person (although she's kind of made of straw – like most school-story rivals her role is to be a threat to the heroine even though the heroine is superior to her in every way). When we first meet Aphrodite, she is trying to give a guy a blowjob. This is evidence that she is a terrible person. Pretty much the whole of the rest of the book is devoted to the systematic observation that Aphrodite is evil, and therefore a whore, and therefore more evil. She pretty much never appears on the page without Zoey having some criticism of her sexual conduct: her boobs are too big, her lips are too red, she moves her hips too much when she dances.
It is worth remembering that all of this is set against the background of a supposedly matriarchal society. The book makes a great play of the fact that it is women who rule the world of the vampyres, but their matriarchal culture seems grounded in patriarchal assumptions about gender roles. So yes, the priestesses are in charge, but all of the warriors are males, because Male Vampires Are The Protectors (this is stated very explicitly, at least three times) and while the book is very big on Goddess Worship and feminine imagery and The Almighty Power of Womanhood, it does this by presenting a very specific, very conservative, and very contradictory idea of what it means to be a woman.
So all of the adult vampires are presented as beautiful and sexy and confident and powerful, but Aphrodite is condemned for being the wrong sort of beautiful and the wrong sort of sexy and the wrong sort of confident and the wrong sort of powerful. The whole book is a study in the fucked up, contradictory rules that young people, particularly young women are brought up with. You mustn't be fat, but you have to have curves. You have to be sexy, but you can't want sex. Boys have to want you, but can't think they can have you. You have to be strong and clever, but not too strong and too clever, and not too ambitious. You can be beautiful and terrible and powerful and unbeatable, but your role will always be to serve others, and no matter how much power you have, you must leave your protection in the hands of the males, because they have their role just as you have yours.
Cultural appropriation and horrible gender-fail aside, the book is also just shoddily paced. Like a depressing number of these books, the heroine is such a complete Mary Sue that the only real tension is exactly when she will employ her effectively unlimited power to solve whatever the current problem is. Marked sets up quite an interesting plotline involving students dying and coming back as evil spirits, but it only kicks off in the last third and is clearly intended as the metaplot of the entire series. So the climax of Marked is just Zoey's showdown with Aphrodite, except that Zoey has near-unlimited supernatural power, and has the actual high Priestess of Nyx on her side, so in the end you wind up feeling kind of sorry for Aphrodite who, in a certain sense, just gets bullied mercilessly by the asshole protagonist and half the teaching staff.
Indeed you can sort of see the final confrontation as a microcosm for everything that is wrong with the book. In theory, Zoey is supposed to be the plucky underdog going up against the socially and supernaturally superior Aphrodite. In fact the reverse is true. Everybody hates Aphrodite (because she's an evil bitch whore slut whore bitch hag slut whore), the entire teaching faculty and the Goddess Nyx Herself have outright stated that Zoey is all that and a bag of chips. So what casts itself as an inspiring tale of triumph over adversity is really the story of somebody with every conceivable advantage stomping over somebody who does not have those advantages. In much the same way, the book casts itself as being this subversive, anti-authoritarian text (it spends a lot of time condemning the People of the Faith for their hypocritical, controlling natures and there's a particularly galling bit where Zoey “I Hate Sluts” Redbird goes on about how much she hates closed-minded people) when it actually just reinforces a lot of deeply conservative, borderline harmful ideas.
So yeah. One to avoid maybe.Themes:
Books
,
Sci-fi / Fantasy
,
Young Adult / Children
,
Judging Books By Their Covers
~
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Melissa G.
at 17:59 on 2011-02-27Thanks for slogging through this for me, Dan! I almost want to read it for how bad I know it will be, but I can't quite manage to put my brain through such torture.
My only knowledge of the House of Night series comes from the few chapters of the fifth book that I read with my student. At this point, Zoey's special snowflake-ness is of epic proportions. She has all these tattoos now, which no one has ever had before OMGWTFBBQ!? She's so special it hurts, and not just that, it seems like she knows she's special and Better than You and thus goes around with this air of superiority.
And, dude, poor Aphrodite. It's like her character is constantly getting shat on by the author despite the fact that she is no threat at all anymore and that at this point she and Zoey are FRIENDS. She's been completely de-powered at this point (she is human now, what?), and it just seems like the author keeps taking potshots at her as she's trying desperately to crawl out of range. It's just painful to watch.
Moving on, the fifth book has a lot more sex/sexual situations in it between Zoey and Erik, and I actually found it almost too sexual for a teen book. But perhaps that's me being prude. Shrug. Might also be noteworthy to mention that Zoey lost her virginity to not-her-boyfriend because he magically seduced her or something, which is all kinds of annoying to me, because it's not HER fault she lost her virginity to another guy. I mean, god forbid she just make an actual mistake and have to take real responsibility for it. But no, we'll just make it someone else's fault.
Also from the fifth book on the subject of race fail, a character named Kramisha gets introduced. Kramisha is the very epitome of the sassy black girl stereotype. She talks with poor grammar and outdated black slang, and she's all sassy and confrontational. And you can argue that these kinds of black people do exist in real life and there's nothing inherently wrong with it, but from what I can tell, Kramisha is the only black character around so it's a little unsettling that she's so cartoonishly stereotypical.
We also have token gays!! And they spend all their time talking about being gay, and how being gay means they know how to cook, and how they watch Project Runway (because, you see, they're gay), and how they know about interior design because they're gay, and gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay. I think you get my point. It's just a bit much. Let them have another character trait. Really, it'll be fine. Also, one of them was described as walking in the room "[screaming] like a girl" and fainting. Fantastic. This is one of those "get off my side" things, as far as I'm concerned.
Anyway, that was my rant. And granted, I haven't read much of the book (not to mention it was the fifth one) so my complaints may not be entirely grounded, but these were my impressions. And I really can't bring myself to read another word of it because it's just garbage. For so many reasons.
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Dan H
at 19:49 on 2011-02-27
At this point, Zoey's special snowflake-ness is of epic proportions. She has all these tattoos now, which no one has ever had before OMGWTFBBQ!?
Yeah, she gets a lot of those at the end of book one (tattoos seem to magically appear on Vampyres as a consequence of their utter awesomeness, although I'm not really sure it counts as a tattoo if it occurs naturally, isn't that just your skin?)
The super-specialness starts out pretty unbelievably insane in the first book and sounds like it only gets worse. In book one we discover that Zoey not only has powers of a variety which are normally only developed by adult vampires, but that her powers are also stronger and greater in number. Basically all adult vampires get a supernatural power called an "affinity", and very rarely they might get an "affinity" for one of the five elements, even more rarely they might have an "affinity" for two or more elements. Zoey of course has an affinity for all five elements (Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Spirit) already and this has NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE IN HISTORY EVER.
Moving on, the fifth book has a lot more sex/sexual situations in it between Zoey and Erik, and I actually found it almost too sexual for a teen book. But perhaps that's me being prude.
I suspect that's one of those YMMV things. I'm personally okay with sex in teen books: I mean they're already saturated in sexual imagery, and I'd kind of rather they were honest about it. Does she at least stop being so judgmental about other girls' sexual behaviour?
Might also be noteworthy to mention that Zoey lost her virginity to not-her-boyfriend because he magically seduced her or something, which is all kinds of annoying to me, because it's not HER fault she lost her virginity to another guy.
I think what would annoy me more in this situation would be if she lost her virginity to another guy because of being magically seduced, and the book didn't flag up that this was, y'know, date rape. Annoying as "I cheated on my boyfriend but it is okay because it was MAGIC" is, it's somewhat less annoying than "I was magically coerced into having sex with a guy, and the only thing that matters about this fact is that it was unfair to my boyfriend because he didn't get to take my virginity."
Also from the fifth book on the subject of race fail, a character named Kramisha gets introduced. Kramisha is the very epitome of the sassy black girl stereotype ... from what I can tell, Kramisha is the only black character around so it's a little unsettling that she's so cartoonishly stereotypical.
I believe that Shaunee (if she's still in it) is black as well, as is one of Aphrodite's minions (although I believe the text describes her as "obviously mixed" - because you can totally tell whether somebody is mixed-race just by looking at them).
We also have token gays!!
Ah, Token Gay is also in the first book (Damien, yeah). To be fair they get some points for allowing the guy to have an actual relationship, although they lose them again for taking the "gays = women (= gender-essentialist stereotypes of feminine behaviour)" angle.
I suspect that a lot of the tokenism actually comes about as a result of everybody except Zoey being an entirely one-dimensional character who exists solely to tell her how awesome she is (or to tell her that she isn't awesome and be proven TOTALLY WRONG).
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Melissa G.
at 20:57 on 2011-02-27
The super-specialness starts out pretty unbelievably insane in the first book and sounds like it only gets worse.
Yeah, I forgot to mention the bit where her dream with Kalona (which is not really a dream) tells us that she's the reincarnated form of Kalona's lover/person who sealed him away. The Mary Sue-ness is mind-boggling.
Does she at least stop being so judgmental about other girls' sexual behaviour?
I didn't notice anything blatant, but I wasn't really looking for it. And I don't feel like going back and checking. :-)
I think what would annoy me more in this situation would be if she lost her virginity to another guy because of being magically seduced, and the book didn't flag up that this was, y'know, date rape.
I'm not sure how it was handled exactly because it happened in the book previous to the one I was reading. But I think it was considered to be sort of date rapey. All I know is that's why she and her boyfriend broke up, and it's made her feel sort of hesitant about having sex again.
I think the sex aspect might have bothered me more because it sounds like an adult writing a sex scene in an adult way that just happens to have teenagers in it. If that makes sense. It felt much like romance novel writing, which there isn't anything wrong with but it turns the sexual situations into fantasies rather than what I would feel is a realistic description of a teenage relationship. But as you said, YMMV.
I believe that Shaunee (if she's still in it) is black as well,
Oh, right, I forgot about her! Fair point. The fifth book kind of just kept lumping new characters and old characters on me from the second chapter on so it was hard to keep them all straight.
I suspect that a lot of the tokenism actually comes about as a result of everybody except Zoey being an entirely one-dimensional character who exists solely to tell her how awesome she is (or to tell her that she isn't awesome and be proven TOTALLY WRONG).
Yes. This. So much.
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Dan H
at 21:59 on 2011-02-27
Yeah, I forgot to mention the bit where her dream with Kalona (which is not really a dream) tells us that she's the reincarnated form of Kalona's lover/person who sealed him away. The Mary Sue-ness is mind-boggling.
I don't think Kalona's shown up yet.
I think the sex aspect might have bothered me more because it sounds like an adult writing a sex scene in an adult way that just happens to have teenagers in it.
I think I see what you're saying, although I doubt I'll read further to see for myself.
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Melissa G.
at 22:05 on 2011-02-27
I don't think Kalona's shown up yet
Kalona is a scary powerful God-like dude that got released in the fourth book. He's the big bad for the rest of the series, I think, and of course he's obsessed with Zoey.
Apologies for spoilers, but I don't think anyone cares?
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Wardog
at 11:24 on 2011-03-01If anything this review just validates our joint decision NOT TO READ THE DAMN THING.
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Robinson L
at 21:06 on 2011-03-25
If I was a mother, trying to write a Young Adult book with the help of my teenage daughter, I would almost certainly wind up putting these kinds of messages into the book in the honest belief that I was setting a positive example for young girls.
You know, the more I grow up, the more I fortunate my sisters and I are to have such freaking amazing parents.
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Fool for Love
Huh. So, Angel gives us Spike’s killing of the Slayer in the Boxer Rebellion, and Buffy is giving us more material related to that.
1. After a Previously On, we get Buffy in a cemetery fighting a vampire. She.. just got stabbed in the belly by her own stake. That’s a bad moment. Opening credits. Still no Tara.
2. She’s certainly bleeding a lot… and pulled the stake out of the wound. Running away now, still bleeding. Vampire caught up to her. Vampire got the stake. Riley, out of nowhere, hits the vampire with a flying tackle and stun guns it, which chases it off.
3. Guest Starring David Boreanaz. Buffy and Riley at Buffy���s house… he’s bandaging her up. She passed out. Also Kristine Sutherland. Riley wants to send her to the hospital. Buffy’s off her game… she lost to one normal vampire. And Dawn bursts in, then Joyce. Joyce wants to talk about the grocery list. Dawn is helping cover for Buffy… that was nice of her. Buffy just was mean, then got nice again. Dawn’s going to help with household stuff, and Riley’s going to take the others along to patrol.
4. Cemetary. Riley’s sneaking. Signals to the others, who are eating chips. This is a little hilarious. Riley is sending the others to the Bronze. Riley wants them to ditch the chips. Willow wants to eat chips.
5. The Magic Box. They’re researching the deaths of Slayers. She wants to know what made their last battles different. Giles points out that when a Slayer’s been killed, nobody who was there will talk, and the Watches don’t want to write about the deaths of their charges because it hurts. Buffy just realized there is someone who knows.
6. Spike's crypt. Buffy wants him to show her how he killed the two Slayers he killed. According to Wikipedia, their names are Xin Rong and Nikki Wood. Spike wants wings. And he just saw her injury.
7. We flash back to a human William, writing poetry. Badly. Very badly. A woman comes downstairs… Cecily. I think he’s writing his poem for her. It’s 1880 in London. There’s a rash of disappearances, but William would rather not think about it. Someone grabbed his poem. He’s very embarrassed. Cecily just stumbled away to escape the poem. “They call him William the Bloody because of his bloody awful poetry.” “It suits him! I’d rather have a railroad spike through my head than listen to that awful stuff!” Then why’d you READ IT ALOUD, asshole? William found Cecily. She doesn’t want to talk to him. But he’s sitting down anyway… she’s going to ask him a question. She’s asking if his poems are about her. He says they are. She’s horrified. He says he loves her, and she’s even more horrified. He’s… William: “I may be a bad poet, but I’m a good man, and I only ask is that you see me…” Cecily: “I do see you! That’s the problem. You’re nothing to me, William.” News flash: That you want to be in a relationship with a girl does not mean she has an obligation to be in one with you. William is on the street, now, and just ran into Angelus and Drusilla and Darla. He’s going through a gate, into a stable, where he’s tearing up his poem. Drusilla just showed up. Called William a dashing stranger. William says he wants to be alone. She says he’s surrounded by fools who cannot see his strength, his vision, his glory. Another hint: If you have accomplished nothing of note and someone comes to you and calls you glorious without actually getting to know you, they’re probably there to take your soul. They’re a vampire, or a con artist, or Donald Trump, but I repeat myself. William thinks Drusilla is there for his purse. He says his mother is expecting him. And now he’s being turned… and complaining about the pain of it. Rather a lot.
8. Riley just found the vampire who stabbed Buffy. They move in, then Riley approaches. It just went into a crypt. There’s voices inside. It’s a whole nest. They’re not going in.
9. The Bronze. Spike is talking about what it’s like to be a vampire. “Getting killed made me feel alive for the first time.” Now it’s 1880, and Angelus is threatening Spike. Spike has them in a mine shaft, because Spike likes reputation. I love Dru’s crazy. Spike likes fights; Angelus likes to hunt. Now Angelus is threatening to stake Spike. “If I can’t teach you, some day an angry crowd will. That… or the Slayer.” Then Spike wanted to fight a Slayer. “Lesson the first: The Slayer must always reach for her weapon. I’ve already got mine. Good thing, too… become a vampire, you’ve got nothing to fear. Nothing but one girl. That’s you, honey.” Now we’re introduced to Xin Rong.
10. 1900. Xin Rong is fighting Spike. That’s… I think a Boxer fighting style. Meanwhile, there’s a crowd of people fleeing the fighting. She doesn’t have a sword, now. But she’s still kicking him, and he’s kicking her. She had a stake, but he disarmed her. And… bite. She asks Spike to give a message to her mother, but he doesn’t speak Chinese.
11. Drusilla finds Spike with Xin Rong’s corpse. She calls him naughty and wicked and looks very turned on. They’re going to have sex right there. The temple’s burning… Spike… Dru… fire? They’re out of the temple, now, and Angel and Darla found them. That whole bit was in Angel, but from a different perspective.
12. Back to the Bronze, with Spike saying it was the best night of his life. Spike points out that all the vampires need to take a Slayer out is for one of them - any one of them - to have one good day. They’re going outside.
13. Riley is on his way to the vampire nest. He’s challenging them all to a straight fight… and killed the one that stabbed Buffy. And leaving a grenade on the ground. He just blew them up.
14. “Lesson the second. Ask the right questions. The question isn’t how did I win. The question is why did they lose?” We’re getting Spike vs. Nikki Wood in 1977 New York. They both look exactly right for the time. Fighting in a subway… he disarms her and pins her to the door, but she fights back. He got a piece of pipe. “Death is on your heels, baby, and one of these days it’s gonna catch you.” Darkness for a moment. “And now, you see, that’s the secret. Not the punch you didn’t throw, not the kicks you didn’t land. She really wanted it. Every Slayer has a death wish… even you.” Huh… he didn’t eat Nikki. “The only reason you’ve lasted as long as you have is you’ve got ties to the world.” “Here endeth the lesson.” And Spike burns the cool of this by trying to kiss her. Also, he’s wearing Nikki’s coat. Buffy gave the same line to him before leaving that Cecelie did… “You’re beneath me.” And now he’s sobbing. And now he’s angry.
15. Spike just got a shotgun out. “Hasn’t got a death wish? Bitch won’t need one.” And we’re in 1998 with Drusilla chewing Spike out over his obsession with Buffy. Now we’re at Joyce’s house… Joyce can’t find her conditioner, and is packing. She’s on her way to the hospital, because whatever is going on requires observation and a CAT scan. It’s a tumor… they’re worried about a tumor. Buffy is outside, in back of the house, and sits down on the steps to cry. Spike comes into the yard, sees her there, crying. She asks what he wants now. He asks what’s wrong. She doesn’t want to talk about it. He asks if there’s something he can do. Then he puts the gun down and sits next to her. And pats her back. And… they’re just sitting. Episode ends.
Overall: The stories about the killing of the two Slayers are the stars here, though I wish Xin Rong and Nikki Wood got time to be characters instead of just being there as pre-corpses. Spike’s conclusion implies, basically, that a vampire can’t beat a Slayer, at least not an experienced one - a Slayer can lose to the vampire, because she’s run out of fight, but if a vampire faces a Slayer who still has fight in her the vampire will get killed. That doesn’t quite track with what we’ve seen, though… Kendra was immensely powerful and still had fight, and Drusilla managed to kill her. Still, Dru is herself a bit of a special case… her oracular powers and hypnotic abilities set her aside from every vampire we’ve seen with the exception of Dracula.
I also don’t quite understand how the loss of the soul works. I’d think Spike incapable of selflessness, but he puts aside his desire for revenge here to sit with Buffy, who’s in pain. That could be obsession, but if so, vampiric obsession is a very complex thing that doesn’t produce predictable behaviors. I’ll have to think about that one.
Good episode, on the whole. Until the scene on the porch, it felt like it had overstayed its welcome - the stories were done, but we had this weird stuff with Spike and Harmony and the gun, then Joyce’s tumor. But it all did get tied together on the porch.
I still don’t like the Spike/Buffy pairing.
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Birthday Quotes
Official Website: Birthday Quotes
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• A birthday is just another day where you go to work and people give you love. Age is just a state of mind, and you are as old as you think you are. You have to count your blessings and be happy. – Abhishek Bachchan • A birthday:-and now a day that rose With much of hope, with meaning rife- A thoughtful day from dawn to close: The middle day of human life. – Jean Ingelow • A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. – Robert Frost • A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. – Erma Bombeck • All I want for my birthday is another birthday. – Ian Dury • All I watch is the Food Network. I took a cheese making class a few weeks ago, and I told my family and friends to only get me kitchen stuff on my birthday. I’m into every kind of cookbook and anything by Anthony Bourdain. I’d love to own a restaurant if I could find the right chef. – Jesse McCartney • All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much. – George Harrison • And for the city’s birthday, we will host events in every neighborhood of the city, inviting all of our residents to share in the celebration of Boston’s great epic – the story of neighbors who support one another where it matters most. • Any time women come together with a collective intention, it’s a powerful thing. Whether it’s sitting down making a quilt, in a kitchen preparing a meal, in a club reading the same book, or around the table playing cards, or planning a birthday party, when women come together with a collective intention, magic happens. – Phylicia Rashad • At 50, don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up. Happy 50th birthday. – H. H. Asquith • At her birthday, my seven-year-old daughter will say that she wants these big cakes and certain expensive toys as presents, and I can’t say no to her. It would just break my heart. But when I was little, for birthdays we just played outside and we were happy if we got any cake. – Goran Ivanisevic • Because the birthday of my life Is come, my love is come to me. – Christina Rossetti • Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again. – Menachem Mendel Schneerson • Believing hear, what you deserve to hear: Your birthday as my own to me is dear… But yours gives most; for mine did only lend Me to the world; yours gave to me a friend. – Martial • Birthdays? yes, in a general way; For the most if not for the best of men: You were born (I suppose) on a certain day: So was I: or perhaps in the night: what then? – James Kenneth Stephen • Brilliantly lit from stem to stern, she looked like a sagging birthday cake. – Walter Lord • Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new. – Sammy Hagar • Everyday is a birthday; every moment of it is new to us; we are born again, renewed for fresh work and endeavor. – Isaac Watts • Except ye become as little children, except you can wake on your fiftieth birthday with the same forward-looking excitement and interest in life that you enjoyed when you were five, “ye cannot enter the kingdom of God.” One must not only die daily, but every day we must be born again. – Dorothy L. Sayers • Fly free and happy beyond birthdays and across forever, and we’ll meet now and then when we wish, in the midst of the one celebration that never can end. – Richard Bach • For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. – Steven Wright • For my birthday this year, my girlfriends – who knew I’d just inherited my dad’s turntable – gave me a carton of albums like “Blue Kentucky Girl,” by Emmylou Harris, and “Off the Wall,” by Michael Jackson. It’s all stuff we grew up with. I mean, you can’t have a music collection without Prince’s “Purple Rain” – it just can’t be done! – Connie Britton • From our birthday, until we die, Is but the winking of an eye. – William Butler Yeats • Happy birthday greetings and warmest wishes, too May today, tomorrow, everyday Be truly happy for you. – Margaret Brown • I binge when I’m happy. When everything is going really well, every day is like I’m at a birthday party. – Kirstie Alley • I crashed my boyfriend’s birthday when I was 12 years old. He didn’t invite me and so I showed up. – Isla Fisher • I had arranged a birthday party for him and my children, who are all Aquarians. Instead, we got married. I ran out of excuses. It was just us and my children. – Diane von Furstenberg • I love having my birthday at Australia Zoo. – Bindi Irwin • I love photography. My boyfriend’s got a great camera, which I bought for his birthday. – Sarah Sutton • I love the big fresh starts, the clean slates like birthdays and new years, but I also really like the idea that we can get up every morning and start over. – Kristin Armstrong • I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing ‘Happy Birthday.’ – Steven Wright • I was fired by ‘America’s Next Top Model’ on my birthday. – Paulina Porizkova • If I have the power to post ‘Happy Birthday’ on someone’s Facebook page and make them feel really good, it feels really good to make other people feel really good. I love it. I’m a huge Facebook and Twitter person. And I love talking to my fans. It’s fun. – Rebecca Mader • If there’s one thing I really want for my birthday, that is for the mining company not to mine my daddy’s reserve. – Bindi Irwin • If we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday at a time of presidential inaugurals, this is thanks to Ronald Reagan who created the holiday, and not to the Democratic Congress of the Carter years, which rejected it. – David Horowitz • I’m a summer baby, so I usually have my birthday as a good summer memory. – Sloane Crosley • In 1993 my birthday present was a star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame. – Annette Funicello • In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. – Robert Breault • It does not seem a year Since last we sent to you Our wishes for your special day And all that you would do. And once again we wish you All joyous things and more A day that’s filled with happiness And memories to store. Then when you think in years to come Of Birthdays long ago You may remember fondly How much we love you so. So have a day of pleasure Do things that make you smile For ………….. you are treasured Today and all the while. – Janet Horne • It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find that somebody remembers me. – Ellen Glasgow • It’s odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You’ll have a nice time, then two years later you’ll be like, ‘There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?’ – David Sedaris • Mattresses! Beautiful! Let’s go buy a couple of mattresses. Give ’em to people for their birthday. – Lawrence Tierney • May the moments of today become fond memories for tomorrow. Happy Birthday – Rob Jackson • Most of us can remember a time when a birthday – especially if it was one’s own – brightened the world as if a second sun has risen. – Robert – Staughton Lynd • My brother got a .22 for his 12th birthday; I got a .22. He got a hunting knife; I got a hunting knife. – Stephanie Cutter • My first recognition of age setting in was exactly on my 36th birthday. I have no idea why, on this day of all days, I looked in the mirror and realized my face no longer looked young. – Paulina Porizkova • Nicole will come up in conversations where it’s in a part of the conversation. Or we may be somewhere and I would tell some story about their mother and I. You know, we always honor her birthday. – O. J. Simpson • On a royal birthday every house must fly a flag, or the owner would be dragged to a police station and be fined twenty-five rubles. – Mary Antin • Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. – Jean Paul • Pleas’d look forward, pleas’d to look behind,And count each birthday with a grateful mind. – Alexander Pope • Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you’re exactly the same. – Audrey Hepburn • The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet. – Robert Orben • The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. – Herbert V. Prochnow • The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity. – Seneca the Younger • The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape. – Samuel Johnson • The summer of 2002 at the Wilson birthday party I met Van Dyke again and I made plans to have dinner with him. – Matthew Sweet • The turning point was when I hit my 30th birthday. I thought, if really want to write, it’s time to start. I picked up the book How to Write a Novel in 90 Days. The author said to just write three pages a day, and I figured, I can do this. I never got past Page 3 of that book. – James Rollins • The way I see it, you should live everyday like its your birthday. – Paris Hilton • Then when you think in years to come Of Birthdays long ago You may remember fondly How much we love you so. – Janet Horne • There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know. – Lewis Carroll • There is still no cure for the common birthday. – John Glenn
• We didn’t have a whole lot of money when I was growing up either. I would always ask for magic books or magic tricks for my birthday or for Christmas and the rest of the year I either had to mow lawns or find part time jobs to help supplement the cost of doing magic. – Lance Burton • Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we’ve grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it’s not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing. – Jerry Seinfeld • We’re sending you best wishes And hope your day goes well And that you’ll find some memories With stories you can tell Of how you had a marvelous time And those around you too With fun and lots of laughter And all this just for you.. Have a Very Happy Birthday – Janet Horne • When I was little I thought, isn’t it nice that everybody celebrates on my birthday? Because it’s July 4th. – Gloria Stuart • When I was young and it was someone’s birthday, I didn’t have the money to buy nice presents so I would take my mom’s camera and make a movie parody for whoever’s birthday it was. When I’d show it them, they’d die laughing. That reaction was a high for me, and I loved that feeling. – David Henrie • With a recent birthday, I’ve been acting now for twenty years. – Thayer David • You’re birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar….. Yung No Mo – Dana Rosemary Scallon [clickbank-storefront-bestselling]
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