#I know i need to work on tht i have a responsibility to myself to not be ruled by the emotion of anger i am sorry but i am human and you

[yourbleedingh3art]

oMGMGMG I drive my family crazy I sorry

[docholligay]

She Who Became The Sun

I want to thank @amhrancas for commissioning me to read a book I have been so so curious about, and I hope y'all will thank her too! She's also letting me, next month, talk about a movie I FUCKING LOVE.

nonspoilery: A plot-driven book that takes place over a long period of time in China during the time oof the Khans. There’s a lot to like in it, and i think a lot of people would really connect with this storyline, but there’s something slightly off about it that didn’t quite make it with me, that I pin down to a certain lack of character depth. It’s a pretty decent book overall, with some great description though, and the character thing is in no way jarring--it took me a bit to figure out what made the book not quite hit for me. 

SPOILERS BELOW:

I really wanted to like this book, and I still want to like this book, and I don’t NOT like this book, but I was prepared to love it. I don’t. I wish I did. 

And this isn’t me trying to satisfy the people I know love this book, or hedge about my feelings: I know how many of y’all loved GtN, and my response was essentially, “Hey, quick question, what the fuck is wrong with you?” (affectionate) so it’s not that I’m afraid to come out as not liking something well received by my peers. It’s just, I felt so close to really liking the book, and just could not get myself there. 

We’ll come back to that, but it’s one of the less-relevant bits of the review, so we’ll move on from it for now. So this is a historical fiction novel: KINDA. I admit that I know nothing about larger Chinese history, I never studied it, so I actually was not even aware that this was about a real person except for my commissioner telling me so when asking me questions to consider for the book. Some of the back of the book comments are calling it a historical fantasy, and aside from, I guess, the ghosts, the only reason I can see for this is that this is not at all representing the historical person Zhu Yuanzhang (I didn’t let myself look him up until after I had finished the book) so I would, personally, actually call this an alt-history, but I understand tht has some baggage with it the author may not have wanted to engage in. 

I was asked about the idea of narratively reworking a historic figure to be totally different from who they were. I have no problem with it! I feel like as long as we’re all HONEST about it--and I feel like this book is pretty honest about it, though, what choice does it have--it’s fun to sometimes have a historical blorbo and make them do what you want. I think that real people do not have symbolism and foreshadowing and motifs, and so, as a Lit major, I think it can somehow make people more REAL, by making them fictional. 

Also, as a History major, I kind of do not like it, for reasons that have nothing to do with the ACT of it, and more with the idea that so many people do not ever venture beyond the fictional work and so have completely incorrect notions of historical figures, and they feel ways about these human beings based on the very much fictional avatars presented. This tends to lead to a thing I LOATHE, where we do bad history because we need these people we admire to have been ‘like us’ or to hold values we hold or feel like we could have been friends with them, ignoring the reality of their personality, their social and temporal position, the fullness of who they were as a person, etc. I see a lot of bad fucking history based on this idea, and that is not new, this has been going on for a million years, but I have never liked it. Fictional accounts can convince people of things that aren’t necessarily the factual kind of true. 

That complicated feeling of mine goes on beyond this book, and, frankly, this takes it to such an extreme that I doubt very sincerely I’m going to see scholarship done about a great emperor of China being a woman secretly. So, I feel complex ways about it, but with a smart audience that realizes it’s fiction, I don’t have a problem with it, though in the same way I tend to prefer Not!Europes or Not!New Yorks, I tend to prefer, for example Not!Billy the Kids or what have you. But it didn’t affect my feelings about the book at all, this is a common thing in literature and the multitudes I contain today I will still contain tomorrow. 

Let’s talk about our main characters. 

Zhu. I think this is where the book didn’t lose me, but failed to engage me. I want to like Zhu so bad, but I just don’t, and I don’t mean I dislike her, I just mean I don’t…care much. I feel like I have no idea of the interiority of who she is other than trying to hide being a woman. I don’t get a grasp of her personality otherwise. I know she does what it takes to survive, I know she sees ghosts, and I know she becomes ruthless in a way that I found a bit shocking not in a “oh my god! Twist! Way but in a way where I felt like there wasn’t a clear enough path for people named Doc, who are me, from “I can kill a bad man” to “I can murder a child” or maybe there was, i don’t know, I just felt like there was a wall kept up between me and Zhu*. She murders a child, and Ma is all, “You said you wanted me for my kindness but you don’t care about it” and then Ma is at her side anyhow, so I guess it didn’t actually matter to Ma that much either, close of business, and I am just sitting there going, ‘Okay the book is over now, right?”

Ouyang. Probably my favorite character in the whole book, and yet, I mean I don’t like him in an “Ouyang is an innocent meow meow.” Ouyang is a bitter, hateful person who has intentionally forced himself not to feel joy or comfort or love because he made himself into a weapon and a weapon alone. Like Zhu, he took the steel he was given, but he bent it to his will. I love him as a character, I think his approach to everything is fascinating, and, inevitable, and I frankly find him much better written than Zhu. I was not at all surprised when he killed Esen. I saw it coming very early on, not in a ‘predictable trope’ way but in a ‘I hear the howl from far off and don’t get shocked when the wolves come in” way. He did it, and the way that was written was so great, and I was sitting there going, “You are going to blow up every good thing, the only good thing, that you have, out of a love for people you don’t even remember and a culture that is only yours in the way a shadow is you.” He looks straight at me and goes, “And what of it?” Extremely taken with him. 

Revenge is a huge thing in this book, and the necessity of it, almost. Is there redemption in revenge, what does it mean to find redemption, and is there value in holding onto an old pain for so long? Ouyang waits til near the end of the book for his revenge, but does he feel satisfaction from it? He carries his need to kill Esen like a bag of bricks, but he never for one moment imagines that he can set it down. I think there’s something to be said for a lack of flexibility in that. What does revenge bring him? What did his revenge against Zhu bring him? He suffers so much at the end, when he kills Esen, in what is very likely my favorite scene from the whole book, the absolute perfect ending to their story, and even then he cannot imagine a different way. He takes this idea of revenge as his way of being man, his fucking fixation on manhood and being a son, and what he is and what he is not, and he lets it eat him alive, and it brings him NOTHING. At the end of the day, it brings him only suffering and pain, and instead of having one dead family, he has two. 

 Though I suppose it could be said that Esen suffers for his near-inability to be capable of revenge. Not that he’s a weak man, he isn’t, and not a cruel one either, though often a thoughtless one. (And maybe this is, after it all, why Ouyang can kill him. He was always kind to Ouyang in every way Esen could think of, but he never thought about Ouyang, from Ouyang’s view.) But he doesn’t have the sense of revenge that other people in his life do, he doesn’t have the instinct. Not even what i would call full on revenge, he can hardly make the people he cares about pay for the things they do. 

Maybe the way to live is between them, I don’t know. 

So, obviously, at the end I absolutely salivating over everything that is happening with Esen and Ouyang, but find myself very much left cold by whatever the hell Zhu is doing. This is a problem as a reader! This isn’t even me saying, “Oh nooooo Zhu turns ruthless and naughty” I actually think that’s a great middle point for a story, but for the end to be like, “So then Zhu murders a child, and is now king. The end.” I was sitting there going, “so what…am I supposed to take from this, exactly?” A good story has a moral, not always a good moral, and maybe moral isn’t even the right word, but stories teach us things, and with the B-track story of Esen and Ouyang I feel like I got that, but with Zhu’s story I came away utterly plussed about the whole thing. Diversity win! The warrior-king who ruthlessly grasps for power is a gender noncomforming woman! Ahaha I mean I’m oversimplifying obviously, but it feels in many ways unfinished to me. 

I really did like the descriptions and vocabulary in the book, though, and I think this is part of what broke my heart about not loving it. PLEASE use words like palimpsest and internecine and facile. PLEASE describe things as being “like froth on a dead man’s mouth” and “ held on as if it were a slipping deck at sea” and  “the particular combination of awe and pity one gets from seeing fragile pear blossoms in the rain” my god. WHAT. I was fucking SPOILED by the language of the piece.  To a degree that was almost frustrating. 

The experience of this book was the experience of an ex where it should have worked, where it should have been everything and more, and it wasn’t even BAD, it just did not reach what it should have. I feel an echoing ache that I could not really ever LOVE this book despite wanting to so badly. It feels frustrating, ina way that hating a book doesn’t. I do think people who are interested in this book should read it for themselves and make a judgment call, as I’m sure and know that there are plenty of people who enjoy this book exactly as it is. I’m not chomping at the bit to read the sequel but not opposed to it, either, and maybe in that shrug is the harshest condemnation I can realistically offer. It’s not a bad book. It’s even a pretty good book. But it does not give me passion for its main character. 

*It might be that this book is so so fast-paced. It is slamming from year to year with military movements and the Mongol court and the Red Turbans and betrayals and successes and there are few breaths taken in between. Some people will love that, but I felt it robbed me of a bit of knowing the people I’m reading about. 

[lovealexhunt]

Hey. Hope you're doing well. Just wanted to check on u & make sure you've drink water or not as in today's modern busy world, we get so occupied with our responsibilities & work tht we forget to drink water. I hope u do drink water if you haven't already. As u know, it's Suicide Prevention Month & ik tht u sometimes struggle with ur mental health. If no one has told u then let me, I'm proud of u. I'm very proud of u tht u still manage to get thru your day despite struggling with ur mental health & keep up showing everyday. You're seriously a Superhero. Beside irl stuff, u also host so many wonderful & amazing events, you bring something very rare & special to the table & we as a community love you. Girl, you're a superstar & superhero. No matter how much life tries to pull u down, u have the strength to look into it's eyes & say "No. I'm not giving up. This is my story & I'll write it. I won't give control to my fears or my inner demons to control me."

We love u sm & I hope u remember you're incredible whether u feel it or not. U r rare, special & absolutely incredible. The courage to smile and keep spreading joy thru events and posts show how much u care for those around u. Girl, I'm so damn proud of u! Give urself a hug & pat urself on the back (especially if u have a bad day, it helps) u got this! Life will throw it's worse at u but ik 1 thing for sure ~ It’s only gonna make u strong & won't affect u for long.

Girl, whenever u read this I hope u have a gr8 day, week & month ahead. LOVE U QUEEN 👸 👑

Never give up!

Ohmygoodness!!! This is too much! You're so sweet!!! I didn't expect anything like this at all. ever. wow! I had to read it twice because I couldn't even believe it.

It honestly means the world to me, especially on days when I really need the reminder to take care of myself and keep pushing through. I'm really good at helping others work on their mental, emotional, and physical health but I am terrible at caring for myself. I actually did need to drink some water, so I appreciate the reminder. I've definitely been dehydrated for a few days now. I have to catch up this weekend!

I'm truly beyond grateful for your support and encouragement. I always appreciate kind messages and this one was just over the top generous. Thank you for checking in on me. I will try to be kinder to myself.

I hope you will be kind to yourself too! Sending you a hug! I hope you are having a wonderful day/week/month! You deserve it!

❤️

[chdarling]

Ok, this isn't TLE related, but who r ur most and least favourite characters from Harry's generation and the marauders generation from the original 7 books?

Also can I just say tht TLE is literally one of the best things I've ever read? Lyk seriously, every character is soo beautifully written and the plot is just soo compelling, with the perfect balance btw humor and heavy topics. While I enjoy every pov, I positively look forward to the Sirius chapters, you just capture his complex and flawed character soo well, he's exactly how I interpreted him to be in cannon! Also the politics in this story feels soo real. Especially that small TLE3 snippet/response where u spoke about how people don't really understand the historical weightage certain words carry and think they're being daring and cool when they use them, people in my grade are literally just like that and its absolutely shitty to see it every other day. Last thing, I'm really sorry that people post shit abt tle on other social media platforms. If people can't appreciate and be grateful for the fact that you literally take time out of your personal life to share this detailed and beautiful piece of art with us, they can go fuck themselves. Take all the time you need, I hope you get all the rest you need despite your schedule!!

PS= I'm soo sorry for this overlong rant, I'm rather new to tumblr and its just awkward to talk more with someone online from a whole different country than ppl irl, but you said you were down, so I really just wanted to let u know how much i love and appreciate your work!! Take care.

Thanks so much for this kind message! 🥰 And welcome to tumblr! ❤️❤️❤️

I just ignore other social media platforms at this point so if people are saying stuff, it’s all good, I’m gonna hang out over here 😂

Regarding your initial question! I’m not going to lie, I have a hard time making myself care too much about Harry’s generation anymore. I kind of exist exclusively in the marauders era! But I was always very fond of Luna. Least would be…idk I never really came around to Draco?

[no-ctrl]

I am trying my best to not take your lack of response personally but why am I shocked? You have shown me in the past by continually presenting yourself to not respect me or my time. I don’t need your validation but somehow it still hurts. Every time I’m in this situation with you I feel like a little girl begging to be loved. The little girl who once was abandoned by her father is now being abandoned by her ex boyfriend. It’s sad. I feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I’m upset that I swallowed my pride and put my heart on the line just for you to rip it up again with no regard or consideration put towards me. I try not to take your lack of communication personally but I am human and my feelings are hurt. Why did you open this can of worms by saying you missed me but the moment I opened up you ran away again. While I know it’s not my fault, something deep inside feels like I’m defected and there HAS to be something wrong with me to cause this. I know it’s not true but it does not stop me from feeling that way. I feel tortured by these feelings. I don’t understand, why am I being punished for loving you? Why is my love not enough? I want to complain and cry and shout at you for putting me through this, but can I blame you? I am the one who broke no contact. Even if I screamed, and cried to you, you would just walk away bc it’s too much. Somehow I’m always too much. Somehow I always make it about myself when you may potentially be going thru things but your lack of communication causes these conspiracies in my brain. I hate you for how you make me feel. I wish you had respect for me. Genuinely I feel so disrespected by not only you but by myself. I am crying right now bc I reached out to you. You didn’t even bother I messaged you. I messaged you so why am I crying for you being yourself? You didn’t do anything different so why am I surprised that you’re not communicating, why am I surprised that you don’t respect my time, why am I surprised that you’re selfish? Why do I still love you despite it all? I don’t understand and I feel shackled to these emotions. I feel imprisoned by these feelings bc you can toss me aside like a piece of trash yet my lack of self love causes me to look past your disrespect. Thts disgusting. I’m disappointed with myself. I think back how difficult it was to not talk to you for that time just for me to ruin it. I broke no contact and literally sabotaged myself bc you clearly still don’t love me. I understand you work. I understand you may get tired. I understand you have your family to tend to. How could you tell me you miss me and then neglect me again? You can’t tell me this isn’t intentional. I feel overwhelmed with emotions bc why do you not want me? What did I do wrong? I tried to withhold my feelings to not scare you off. I tried to play it nice. I tried to not bother you too much. You don’t love me so why did you say it? I’m a person who has feelings and problems in life, I’m not asking you to solve them but I just don’t understand how after everything you just stopped loving me. That year of no contact I literally felt like a piece of me was missing. How were you so okay without me? I don’t understand.

[insanesonofabitch]

“It’s over for me, it doesn’t have to be for you.”

“No?”

“No, you can keep going.”

“Who says I want to?”

“What?”

“Im tired, Sam. I’m tired of this job, this life… this weight on my shoulders, man. I’m tired of it.”

S2EP09 Croatoan

“You stupid ass!!! What did you do?”

“…”

“What did you do!!?…You made a deal. For Sam. Didn’t you? How long did they give you?”

“Bobby…”

“How long???”

“…one year.”

“Damn it, Dean.”

“Which is why we gotta find that yellow-eyed son of bitch. That’s why I’m gonna kill him myself. I mean, I got nothing to loose in hell, right?”

“I could throttle you!!!”

“And what? Send me downstairs ahead of schedule?”

“…What is it with you Winchesters, huh? You, your dad, you’re both just itching to throw yourselves down the pit!”

“That’s my point. Dad brought me back, Bobby I’m not even supposed to be here! At least this way, something good can come out of it, you know? It’s like my life could mean something.

“What, and it didn’t before?? Have you got that low of an opinion of yourself, are you tht screwed in the head???”

“…I couldn’t let him die, Bobby. I couldn’t. He’s my brother.”

“How’s your brother gonna feel, when he knows you’re going to hell? How’d you feel, when you knew your dad went for you?”

“You can’t tell him. You take a shot at me whatever you gotta do, but please don’t tell him.”

S2EP22 All Hell Breaks Loose: Part Two

“My father was an obsessed bastard!!! All that crap he dumped on me about protecting Sam, that was his crap. He’s the one who couldn’t protect his family. He’s the one who let mom die! Who wasn’t there for Sam I always was!!”

S3EP10 Dream a Little Dream of Me

“I see… that’s one deep, dark.. nothing, you got there Dean. You can’t fill it. You can’t. Not with food, or drink, not even with sex. Oh you can smear it, and choke, and lie to your brother. Lie to yourself. But not to me! I can see inside you, Dean. I can see… how broken you are, how defeated—you can’t win. And you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just.. keep going through the motions. You’re not hungry Dean because inside, you’re already… dead.”

S5EP14 My Bloody Valentine

“You carry all kinds of crap you don’t have to, Dean. It kinda gets clearer when you’re dead.”

“Well in that case, you should be able to see that I’m, 90%…crap. I get rid of that, what then?”

S7EP04 Defending Your Life

“That was some boneheaded move back there. You could’ve gotten yourself killed, why didn’t you wait for me?”

“Well, I didn’t get killed. And it worked.”

“And if it didn’t?”

“It would’ve been my problem.”

“Well that’s not the way I see it.”

“Hey, everything isn’t your responsibility. Getting me out of purgatory wasn’t your responsibility.”

“You didn’t get out. So whose fault was it?

“It’s not about fault. It’s about will. Dean, do you really not remember?”

“I lived it, Cas. I know what happened.”

“No. No, you think you know. You remembered it the way you needed to.”

“Look, I don’t need to feel like hell, for failing you, okay? For failing you like I fail every god-forsaken thing that I care about! I don’t need it!”

“Dean. Just look at it. Really, look at it.”

…

“See, it wasn’t that I was weak… I’m stronger than you. I pulled away. Nothing you could’ve done could’ve saved me because I didn’t wanna be saved.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“It’s where I belonged. I needed to do penance. For the things I did on Earth and in heaven I didn’t deserve to be out. And I saw that clearly when I was there. I.. I planned to stay all along. I just didn’t know how to tell you…

“…”

“You can’t save everyone, my friend… though you try.”

S8EP07 A Little Slice of Kevin

“You’re right, it’s too much. It’s not exactly like I’ve been there for you lately…”

“Oh, come on, Dean. You know I love a challenge.”

“You serious?”

“Hey. He’s your brother. I say let’s do this.”

“I owe you.”

“You don’t owe me nothing… Truth is, uh.. I could use a break, from all this.”

“It’s really been that tough?”

“I’m not good fit Dean. Not with the vampires, for sure not with the humans… I don’t belong… After a while, that starts to weigh on you… Huh, right. Cry me a river, like you need to listen to this.”

“When you get back up here, we’re gonna fix all that. Okay?”

“When I get back.”

“Yeah. You find that portal, and you ride out of purgatory with Sam just like you did with me… Okay?”

“…”

“As soon as I send you back, I’m gonna haul my ass up to main and I’m gonna be waiting there for you when you get topside.”

“Yeah.. that sounds like a plan, chief. Let’s get on with it.”

“You sure about this?”

“Not my first rodeo, mate.”

S8EP19 Taxi Driver

“How about for once, you just try and be a mom?”

“I am your mother, but I am not ‘just a mom.’ And you are not a child.”

“I never was.”

S12EP14 The Raid

[The entire fucking episode]

S13EP01 Lost & Found

“You have changed. And you tell people it’s not a big deal. You tell people you’ll work through it. But you know you won’t, you can’t. And that scares the hell out of you. Or am I wrong?

“What do you want me to say? Doesn’t matter. I don’t matter.”

“Don’t you?”

“I couldn’t save mom, I couldn’t save Cas, I can’t even save a scared little kid.”

S13EP5 Advanced Thanatology

“I just lead us into another trap… All because I— I couldn’t hurt Chuck. Because I was angry, and because I just needed something to kill, and because that’s all I know how to do!”

“Don’t do this, Cas… Cas?”

…

[also pretty much the entire episode too]

S15EP18 Despair

would you be so kind as to either reblog this and answer or send me a message/ask with

that once scene in SPN where you wished with all your heart that you could reach into the screen and comfort Dean Winchester... the one that every time you watch it, your soul aches for him and you wish there was anything you could do to save him the pain...

this is one of mine:

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

Tfw you were finally gonna force yourself past your procrastination/Executive dysfunction to do thing & preplanned what you were gonna do & broke down day. Excelt then exactly when you are gonna do the productive things™️ suddenly you specifically can’t do the things you were gonna do or the other stuff you planned lol

[ectonurites]

Do you know how old Tim is now? I’m seeing people say he’s 17 but I thought they made him at least 18?

I think at this point I need to like. Make an FAQ page with the most common comic questions I get so I can stop repeating myself on stuff like this. Bc it's not your fault for not knowing, anon, like I 100% understand you asking so don't take my tone here as being frustrated with you, but it's just that these age questions have been asked and discussed to death at this point so im always like 😑 when i get a new one sgfdhgf

But Tim's age has not been specifically confirmed on panel since 2016, when he was still ~16 (if you wanted to use some interpretation the panel that mentioned the age could be interpreted as 'recently 16' rather than 'at that exact moment' 16, but it's debatable).

We literally have no solid idea how old he exactly is right now. According to like... logic, he's absolutely older than 16 right now, but DC also throws logic out the window all the time so. Ya know. I hope it's something we get a solid indication of sometime soon, honestly I feel like Dark Crisis: Young Justice could be a good/likely place for that to happen for him and the rest of the core four.

There's been a few things recently that imply he's more like an adult now (Robins had some implications i discussed the other day, and some of the stuff in House Of Gotham also has implications if you work through the logic btwn Jason, Tim, and the unnamed boy's ages in relation to one another) but it's not enough to like, solidly say 'ah yes he's exactly this age now'

I am once again putting on the post itself that i'm begging this to not start more age debate in my inbox.

just as a few preemptive responses:

'but Tim had a story about going to college' that was the same arc that last said his age. he was supposed to be ~16 for that, it was a special 'genius' grant thing he'd earned.

'but two years passed in YJ 2019' its left unclear if tht was true in-universe or more of a joke about the length of the run irl.

'but infinite frontier happened shouldn't that restore the old age differences?' it should but who knows if it actually did, it 100% didn't for Cass considering her current main writers mentioned seeing her as a teen yet Jason is written as an adult and she used to be older than him, with a discrepancy like that already among batkids we can't assume it automatically fixed things for Tim

[greycappedjester]

....okay, as I probably should have guessed, I'm a bit late so here's a scene for next chapter of Department of Mysteries (legit, full chapter will be up soon, it's just a pretty major one and I want to make sure I get it right). Thanks for ya'll's patience and support!

-----

(Have not gone back and fully edited this scene yet so little details may change between this and the version I post on ao3)

Kageyama still hadn’t done much more than push at his food, head still on the table, when Yachi sat down beside him.

She glanced around. “Where’d Hinata go? I thought I saw him.”

“Bathroom,” Kageyama muttered. “Said he left his wand in the toilet.”

“O-oh,” Yachi blinked, opened her mouth like she wanted to ask more than wisely closed it back. “Well, alright.”

Kageyama didn’t look up.

“What’s the matter with you, then?”

Everything.

Kageyama just grunted.

In response, Yachi laid her head down beside his on the table, forcing him to meet her eyes and giving him a small smile when he did. “Hey, whatever it is I’m sure it can’t be that bad. Whatever happened, we can handle it together, I promise.”

Kageyama sighed. “It’s not that easy. It’s something I’ve gotta fix myself.”

“Why’s that?”

“Cause I’m the one that broke it,” he answered quietly. “I always am.”

Yachi frowned before shaking her head. “You know, I don’t think I can believe that. Sorry, sounds wrong to me.”

“What?” Kagyeama stared.

“Because you’re my friend--one of my first friends--so I think I’m kinda an authority on all things Kageyama,” Yachi continued. “And I know the Kageyama I see doesn’t break things--not on purpose and definitely not always. So, I think there’s some pieces missing here.”

“But, there’s--I’m not--.” Kageyama huffed. “That’s just because you’re my friend. You’ve gotta say stuff like that?”

“Do I?” 

Kageyama’s heart clenched. “Yeah, you’re Yachi. You’re nice. It’s how things work.”

Yachi sighed. “And you’re Kageyama and you’re too hard on yourself.” She lifted her head back off the table, leaving Kageyama looking up at her. “You know, I get it. I really do. You know…when I didn’t used to like to think about myself very much. Because when I did, all I saw was a girl that didn’t have hardly any friends and wasn’t that brave and wasn’t very strong and wasn’t very much of anything at all, actually.”

Kageyama’s head came up, grabbing her shoulder. “But, that’s not you at all. You’re Yachi--you’re brave and cool and probably the only reason we’re not failing half our classes to be honest.”

Yachi gave him a wry smile. “And that’s how you see me. And how Hinata does. And Kiyoko, too, in her own way. And--now--it’s a little bit more how I see myself.” She took his hand on her shoulder, lowering it until she was holding it between both of hers. “Like I said, that’s what I used to think. But, you know what? I think I’ve learned that some of us are, well, we’re really terrible at seeing ourselves clearly. And that’s why it’s so hard to believe that anyone else can see us different. We don’t know what other people think. We’ve got to listen first.”

Kageyama swallowed. “I think I’ve listened pretty well on this, though. Oikawa hates me.”

Yachi squeezed his hand. “Then, maybe he’s the one that’s not listening. Because when I look at my friend, there’s nothing to hate.”

And Kageyama….was silent.

Could that really be it?

Yachi was super smart so maybe she did have a point.

It fit, didn’t it?

When Kageyama thought of himself, he thought of all the ways he’d failed. He couldn’t make his father happy. He couldn’t keep Oikawa as his friend. He couldn’t even apologize, right?

But maybe….maybe Yachi was right. Maybe it wasn’t a fundamental thing tht was wrong with him. Maybe he just needed to learn to go about it better. To figure out the right way to make people listen first.

The only problem was he didn’t know what that was.

But, he could learn.

He looked up at Yachi.

“Feeling better now,” she asked.

Kageyama nodded. “Yeah.”

[goldenkirstein]

hello raf!!! first off, I wanna say that I love your blog and your fics. tysm for sharing them with us you are incredibly talented!

second, do you have other blog/moot recommendations for users who write for jean x reader? I wanna follow all of you you're all so amazing!

only if you can! :) have a nice night!

hi nonnie !! ty for the kind words!! yes i do, some of these are my moots, some are not but regardless they are all incredibly talented writers. there are so so so many writers that have jean fics, but i chose these ones because they have more than a few jean x reader !! these are also just based on my preferences, so if there is a writer not included here, i apologize !!

Please read all of these authors rules/dni’s as ik a few of them interact or post dark content and are 18+ blogs !! respect writers and their rules !!

@whats-her-quirk - what can i say that hasn’t been said, literally the reason i write on here and responsible for the first jean x reader fic i ever read, i love june. Absolutely phenomal, so fucking cool and talented. her writing makes me happy, to put it simply.

my fave fic: midnight ride & below freezing

@jean-does-not-have-a-horseface - the username speaks for itself, again i read her fics when i still was a ghost blog so i am quite sentimental lol, i think she might be working on a jean rockstar au series, im not sure tho, but regardless just a super talented writer !!

my fave fic: sketches of you

@welcometotheclubhoe - jay, oh my god, i love them and their blog, all of their jean fics are so. fucking. amazing. like chef’s kiss, have me sweating, screaming and crying, genuinely need to take a five minute break to walk around my room and contemplate the meaning of life. so yeah, jay’s a jeanius (shhhh i know its cringe)

@bakugohoex - a fellow jean simp, ria is not only the sweetest but just so fucking good at writing jean, fluff, angst and smut, her brain is so big because she’s responsible for one my favourite jean series and playlist tbh ahem:

my fave fic: stay & put on a show

@mikaberries - Mika is also one of the first aot writer blogs I followed, I found her first on tiktok and then followed here. super fucking talented, idk how she does it tbh. also just an all around good person and very sweet, I have nothing but respect and praise for her and her work.

my fave fic: innocent & car quickie

my fave fic: unrequited series

@fiaficsxo - i love fia and her writing, she is so talented and just an absolute gem. she also happens to be another fellow jean simp, which i love ffhkjhg. but fr her jean smut leaves me sweating. 

my fave fic: jersey girl

@seraphdreams - title of blog: jean love club. thats it. what more can i say. ceo of jean simping and being just remarkable, like honestly, seraph was the first one who popped into my mind when i read ur ask nonnie. do me a favour and read all of their jean fics, you will become enlightened.

my fave fic: mornings w/ jean & face sitting

@alert-arlert - genuinely adore ryn, for their writing and their presence here, i really love their headcanons for jean and honestly aside from fics, i really do get happy when i see them on my dash, coolest person ever omg, follow them for the vibes and the amazing writing

my fave fic: jean relationship hc’s & nsfw alphabet

@odmlevis: riz my loveeeee, so talented and so amazing, top notch writing and top notch person, i admire her so much, made me fall in love with fuckboy jean what more can i sayyyyy

my fave fic: jean + friends to lovers & falling in love w/ fuckboy jean

@dancingazaleas - crazy fucking talented, i cannot believe that i can just go to their blog and read for free. like i astral projected when i first read their work, transcended planes, i was dr. strange for like three minutes, thats what sorrels writing did to me. so go forth nonnie, unlock the secrets of the universe.

my fave fic: primrose & obedience (includes eren n mikasa)

@jarmeen: i love jas, they are sooooooo cool and their writing is just next level. just a super sweet individual, and helloooo read the title of their blog, and then read it again because they are right and everyone should go read their works !!

my fave fic: see you again

@valxeren: dilf jean. thats it. two words. deserves the nobel prize just for writing those fics, tbh tht shit changed my life, i was wandering my dashboard lost and unmotivated and then val graced me with dilf jean and im a better person now

my fave fic: clandestine

@kirschtienz: aman makes me happy, i love her, and her writing so much, if i were to choose a piece of writing to hug, it would be hers. i could go for days just praising her and still wouldn’t be enough, like the way she writes is just incredible

my fave fic: frats with benefits

@emepe: i thought to myself one day, hmm it would be nice to have friends to lovers fics for jean, and then tumblr said raf, baby, let me show u something and they pointed me towards mimi and said here is the answer to all your prayers. idk how to thank tumblr but fr only two chapters in and IM HOOKED. go read nonnie, goooo.

my fave fic: you and me and nothing more (includes eren)

i have realized that a good handful of these are smutty bshdsbhbf sorry not sorry. again, im so sorry if i missed anyone these are the writers that i could think of at the moment, and if you yourself are a writer then know that i love you and respect youuuu !!

happy reading nonnie :)

[liliesoftherain]

Ground Zero reads Thirst Tweets

A/N: Hey guys, this is a collab with @pinky-the-elephant-room​ !! This is the first part, and the second part can be found here! Her part is NSFW so since i’m a SFW blog we thought it would be best to split the parts! So here’s my contribution! 

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

You walked inside the studio, thanking the heavens that it was cooler than it was outside. Greeting the producers of the setup, you gladly made your way by the set to see two stools placed side-by-side in front of a blue backdrop. 

“Hello, Seize-san! Thank you so much for coming in today, I am Hana and I’m here to help you through this!” You grinned at the young woman who walked up to you. She was short stature and plump figure and gave off the impression of a warm and welcoming personality. Instantly putting you at ease.

“Thank you so much for having me! It’s an honor to be showcased here, along with another hero! You guys are truly kind to grant the opportunity to work alongside you, and please, call me (l/n).”

She nodded enthusiastically, grinning at the praise from such a top hero as yourself. 

“Thank you again, (l/n)-san, come let’s get you ready for the camera! Are you in need of anything to drink, anything to snack on?”

“No ma’am, I am fine! I’m just ready for the shoot!”

“As is your partner!”

You both shared a laugh, both knowing the person you were recording with today was the opposite of ready for this.

“Oh, I’m sure that is the case, ma’am, where is he by the way?”

“He’s right behind you, stupid.”

You turned to see the annoyed blonde behind you, being escorted to the seating area close to where you were being led.

“Ah Ground Zero, good to see you haven’t blown anything up yet.”

“Shove off, hurry up so we can get this over with.”

You laughed, waving him off as the members looked on with concern.

“Don’t be rude, Bakugou! I’ll be there with you soon enough; all you have to do is be good and wait for me.” You winked, eyeing him up and down before turning back around, allowing Hana to guide you off towards your station to get ready. 

The makeup artists just refreshed your makeup and made you ready for the video. You came out of the dressing room, dressed in your usual hero costume but looking less like you’ve been running through the streets of Tokyo. Bakugou was in usual costume but without his hand gauntlet. 

 “Okay you two, we’d like to thank you for taking the time to come on set and do this showing. These tweets are real, and we just want your genuine reaction from them! We’ll try to limit the cuts to be able to ensure that real response, and don’t be afraid to let loose! These are Thirst Tweets for a reason!”

You laughed along with everyone else, except Bakugou who looked a little annoyed by the entire thing. You gave him a slight shove with your shoulders, biting your lip subtly as his gaze locked onto yours. 

“Cheer up already, this is supposed to be fun. What, do you not want to be here with me?” 

“That’s not--Shut up, shitty woman. Just get ready.” he huffed, glancing away from your stare as he mumbled back.

“Okay, starting in 3, 2…,” The cameraman pointed instead of saying one, signaling the tape was now rolling. You beamed at the camera, working your charm as you gave a little wave.

“Hi, guys! I’m, (l/n) (y/n), or better yet, Seize!”

“And I’m Bakugou Katsuki, Ground Zero.”

“And today we’re reading…,” you trailed off, looking expectantly at your partner.

“Thirst Tweets.”

“You could be a little more enthusiastic you know.”

“Oi, shut it!”

You giggle, looking deviously at the camera before swiping his mug-shaped container.

“Oi, what are you-”

“Let’s see what people are saying about our dear Ground Zero, hm? That’s alright with everyone else, right?”

The crew joyfully agreed at the twist, and with their approval, you shoved your container in Katsuki’s chest.

“All right, let’s see,” You snorted, slapping Bakugou’s shoulder as you read the first tweet, “‘I would love to be able to rip that Hero suit right off of Ground Zero and rub my face along those God-like abs. Can a man be any hotter!? Have you seen his moobs!? *dROOLING*”

“Ha!?” Bakugou looked at the tweet with narrowed eyes before looking back at the camera, “Do you know how expensive this hero suit is!? You ain't ripping shit! Plus, what the hell are moobs?”

“Oh Bakugou, half of the world's population would love to rip that suit off, myself included. Plus, those are your man boobs, and they are absolutely correct, you have the best titties I have ever seen!” You winked at the camera while throwing the paper over your shoulder, “NEXT!”

You gave your bucket a good shake, making eye contact with the confused blonde who was still stuck on your last comment.

“‘Y’all don’t understand what I would do just to have @GroundZero to choke me with a gloved hand. Or do anything to me really. He could hit me with his car, repeated use his quirk on me, give me paper cuts all over my body and throw me into a pool of lemon juice, and I’d beg for some more like yes zaddy **** my ***** up!,’ OH MY GOD.” You used one hand to hold your mouth in amusement, putting the bucket between your thighs so you could show the tweet with your now free hand. 

“You have some pretty kinky fans, Bakugou,” you teased, waving the paper in his face as he grabbed your wrist to hold it steady, staring in disbelief.

“You all are disgusting, why in the fuck would anyone do that to you? Let alone me, who the hell do you think I am!?”

“I mean, you can’t judge, can you?” 

He snaps his head to look at you, a heated glare on his face.

“The hell, of course, I can judge! These people want me to torture them, sick bastards.”

You laughed as Bakugou sucked in a sharp breath between clenched cheeks, you were thoroughly enjoying his discomfort. 

“NEXT!” You shouted, crumbling the paper and tossing it at Bakugou.

“How many of these are there?” He sighed, looking in your bucket in his hands and shaking it around.

“With the way you look there are bound to be a ton.”

“What-”

“‘If I were only able to take just Ground Zero’s jaw out on a date, I’d never be happier’ Oh that one isn’t so bad-”

“My jaw? What the hell-” He looked over your shoulder, reading the tweet.

You looked up and stared at the blessed jawline.

“That’s what it says, but I gotta disagree,” You grabbed his arm and squeezed it while smirking deviously into the camera, “These arms are better, I’d take these bad boys out for coffee over his jaw any day.”

Instead of shaking you off, you swore you felt Bakugou flex slightly under your hold and couldn’t help the shit-eating grin that overtook your face as you stared up at him through your eyelashes.

“Are you flexing, Ground Zero?”

“HAH!? NO WAY, READ THE NEXT DAMN TWEET AND GET OFF OF ME ALREADY.” He snatched his arm from your hold as you waved him off, grabbing the last tweet from the container.

“Aw guess there weren’t as many as I thought, we’re already reaching the end-”

“Good because I’m tired of these wackjobs.”

You scanned over the paper, unable to contain yourself as you busted out laughing. You knew Bakugou was glaring at you, but you couldn’t help it, you almost fell off your chair, having to once again grab his arm for support.

“This, I just- Oh my God, Bakugou you’re-HA!”

“Can you knock it off and read it before I blow your ass up!” He hissed at you, and you knew you shouldn’t have made the situation any worse than it was- but sometimes you can’t help yourself.

“Damn, I mean if you really wanna tap this ass Bakugou, how can I say no~?”

He growled lowly, glaring harshly at your face as you only winked in response. 

“Watch it, (l/n)-”

“‘Ive always been straight BUT i wish ground zero would rip me apart like he did to tht one moth villain, n after tht I have literally never questioned my sexuality so hard, I would let tht man bury his **** so far inside my *** tht i become the Queen of the f**king gays, all hail to me, GZ’s b**tch.Thts it. Thts the tweet.’ HAA.”

You felt Bakugou tense beside you, and when you looked over you saw him shaking in anger.

“Oh what, it’s charming!” You slowed your laughter down to measly chuckles, catching your breath as you were wiping tears from your eyes.

“How is that god damn charming!?” He seethed.

“You know, I can see it.”

“See what?”

“You being gay-”

“HA!? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING.”

You look back to the camera and give an innocent shrug.

“He could've fooled me, I swear I saw him checking out Deku a few missions back-” A small explosion cut you off, and you rolled your eyes.

“So dramatic, it’s no big deal. I check out Deku all the time too.”

“You fucking what?”

“Oh yea, I mean I check out Shoto too but Deku’s got a cute ass. What can I say-”

“You’re fucking pathetic.” He huffed, snapping his gaze away from where you sat.

“Sorry, was I overstepping? I’ll leave your man alone!” You teased, poking his thigh as you did.

“Goddammit (l/n), I’m not fucking gay for Deku!” He swatted your hand away, scooting as far away as he could from you.

Which wasn’t very far, seeing as he made no effort to move the stools away from each other.

“So you’re gay for-”

“NOBODY!”

“Okay okay!! Just read my tweets already, I know they’re getting antsy watching us just talk about your closeted sexuality!”

“...tch.” 

You could practically see a vein popping out of his neck, and even though you were sure he was picturing murdering you in his mind, you couldn’t help but think of how sexy it was.

You watched as he unenthusiastically pulled out a piece of paper, bored eyes scanning till they narrowed.

“You’re fucking fans are worse than mine.”

“What! Read it, I wanna hear!”

“Do I have to-”

You cut him off with a sharp look of your own, wearing him down until he sighed and did as he was supposed to. 

“‘I would pay any amount of money, or literally give up any organ-appendix, spleen, gallbladder, lungs, my damn heart, just so Seize can spit on my face and call me a worthless, good-for-nothing loser, then kick my body and walk away. It would be my honor and my greatest life accomplishment.’” He threw the paper in front of him as if it were burning his skin, once again staring at the camera in disgust.

“Wow,” You giggled, “I don’t even know how to respond. I don’t really think that’s worse than yours Bakugou, but thanks I guess?” 

“Thanks!? That’s all you’re going to say? How about I kick your ass and call you a worthless shithead myself, would that turn on all you perverts watching this, ha!?” 

You smacked his arm playfully as you tried to get him to calm down, but his heavy breathing was an indication he wasn’t having it.

“I’m sure it would-,” His head whipped to face you and you clicked your tongue at his behavior.

“Oh, c’mon don’t be a prude, these are juicy and I for one wanna keep hearing them! So, hurry up and read another one before you blow a gasket.”

“Whatever, this is fucking stupid.”

“Alright stupid, just keep going.”

He side-eyed you, grinding his teeth together in what you assumed was to hold back even more vulgar insults.

“‘Don’t kink shame me..’” Bakugou paused, a long sigh coming from him as he reluctantly continued, “...’Don’t kink shame me but it’s my goal in life to die by @Seizes thighs. Her thighs are so strong but soft looking and I swear they can crush me in an instant-’”

“Ohh that’s true. These can crush anyone.” You slapped your thighs for emphasis, a cheeky grin playing on your lips.

“Are you seriously proud of that?” He deadpanned at your joyful expression.

“Uh, yeah? What, a woman can’t be proud of her thunder thighs of steel! You're just jealous you’re not being crushed by these babies.”

“Why the fuck would I be jealous!?” 

“Cause I have amazing thighs that any man would love to be in between-”

“Next fucking tweet,” Bakugou cut you off, “‘I will eat Seize ass with a spoon, be havin’ that as breakfast, lunch, and dinner n never get tired.’ Okay but seriously what the hell is wrong with you people? With a damn spoon?”

“It’s flattering almost, don’t you think? I would be their favorite meal that they never get tired of,” You look to the camera and wiggle your eyebrows, “I mean I don’t know if I’m down for that, but if you wanna snack sometime, link up with my manager-”

“Absolutely not, don’t give these perverts any more fucking ideas.”

“Okay, dad.”

“Quit being a damn brat and just accept that these are weird and not cute, for fucks sake!”

You look to the crew behind the camera, bowing your head a bit as you spoke.

“Sorry, you’re going to have a lot of bleeps because of this big lug.”

“DON’T IGNORE ME-”

“Read the next tweet,” you extend your words in a whiny voice, “I wanna hear what else people think about me!”

You watched as Bakugou clenched his hand before relaxing, reaching inside to pull out another folded paper.

“‘@Seize is the best ever. Strong and compassionate, honestly my favorite hero by far. She’s giving the other pros a run for their money, good job and keep it up!’. Tch at least we’re done with the weird ass shit. ”

“AWHHH, you guys are so sweet! I don’t know how I match up to other heroes-”

“Tch, she matches up just fine-”

“Well, if we’re talking about boobs, especially if you compare mine to yours, I don’t stand a chance!” You reached a hand over while your body was still facing the front and squeezed one of his pectorals. 

“YOU HAD TO TURN THIS INTO SOMETHING FUCKING STUPID, DIDN’T YOU!?” He jerked away from you; eye twitching as he took ragged breaths.

“What, just stating the truth. Now, c’mon if we had the same number of tweets then this should be my last, why do I have to drag these out of you?”

“Shut the hell up,” He picked out the last piece of paper as he tossed the bucket on the ground, ignoring the way you complained about it. “‘Got damn,’ Holy hell I’m going to lose brain cells, ‘Got damn, Id suck a fart’...’suck a fart out of Seize’s ass and woul beg for more as she suffocates me, no cap. Lick her from those ankles to those thighs n back, I bet she tastes like one of those sour n sweet skittles wid the way she sweaty from beating others asses but good from the way she hot, and dat shit be the best shit u can taste. wont even say sorry, jus flip her over and eat that ass’...’#NomNomNom’”

“Wow, some of you guys are pretty creative. I mean, I can’t tell you what I taste like but if you wanna try it out, lemme know.” You giggled, winking at the camera as you made the ‘call me’ sign with your hands. 

You were waiting for another blow up from the angry blonde beside you but were surprised to see him silent. He was clenching his jaw harder this time around, eyes narrowed in fuming slits and he shook slightly by how hard his body tensed. You were about to ask if he was okay when you got the signal to end it, so you ignored it for the moment as you gave a bright smile to the camera.

“Well, that seems to be the end of this little segment, boo!,” You gave a pout, before smiling again, jumping back up and tossing an arm around your cast-mate, “Thanks for having us on today, and to end on a serious note make sure you’re staying safe out there. We all care about every single one of you, that’s why we do stuff like this, to stay connected! Have fun, be safe, and remember, be heroes! This has been Seize, along with,”

“Ground Zero.”

“Bye!”

“Cut!”

As soon as it was over, you were thrown off Bakugo’s shoulders as he stood up abruptly. You looked over in worry as he rigidly walked off and you wondered what had went wrong.

During most heavy-duty operations, which are the only type of operations you both worked together, Bakugou was always silent and calculating. He angered easily, and the time to fear him most is becomes quiet. Making a villain piss his pants with his yelling was a skill indeed, but when a villain saw that angered and dark gaze, that’s when they should be terrified. 

You tried to follow him, but you were immediately swarmed by your manager who had apologized for arriving late.

“Yes, it is alright! I understand I was able to start perfectly fine, it’s no trouble at all.”

You didn’t listen to his answer, scanning the crowd to realize you had lost the pro.

“Dammit.”

“Ne, (l/n)-sama is there something wrong?” 

“No,” You shook your head with a sigh, “Nothing at all.”

-----------------------------

[thattimdrakeguy]

Why, uh, do ppl hate Tim so much? I just fell down a hole of anti tim and I can’t find a..valid reason for the hate besides that fact tht hes rich and white?

From my experience it’s one of those things where Tim has antagonistic relationships with other Bat-Family members like Damian, Jason, and even partially Steph. So they just crap on Tim, because it’ll make their favs look better.

Like that’s genuinely been the main reason I see, and they use the fact he’s rich and white to make it seem like it’s a social justice thing, even though in the end it really isn’t.

I sort of rant for the rest of the post going in more detail, and mentioning things I’ve been shown, and why I think a lot of it is dumb, but basically it’s just people being petty and insecure, and being unable to handle things in any other way than childishly.

For some Jason fans I’ve seen them talk about how much they hate Tim because they replaced the poor kid with a rich kid, but I’m really freaking poor myself. Obviously I’m not homeless, but there was a time in my life where I slept on the floor, and later on after I did have a bed my bed room had a hole in the floor. But, they’re just looking too deep into stuff just to find a problem anywhere they can.

I’ve also seen some say Tim bullied his way into being Robin after the poor kid died. When 1) that isn’t even an accurate description of what happened and 2) they’re obviously just trying to word it the worst way possible, because they’re pretty freaking childish.

Damian fans try to make Tim and his fans out to be racist cause Tim doesn’t like Damian, when that’s actually because Damian got so close to killing Tim I’m pretty sure Tim actually did nearly die from bleeding out. I think also because Tim once said “what about his biology” when referring to Damian, when Tim wasn’t referring to his race, he was referring to how he’s related to criminals and Damian literally had his biology messed with to make him a fierce warrior and a good body for Ra’s.

Steph fans also try to make Tim and his fans out to be sexist. But their reasoning is really weak, because it’s literally just boiled down to Tim being mean to Steph sometimes, but it’s not like that’s cause of her gender for that to make sense. It’s because in context she is an untrained citizens constantly putting herself and potentially others in-danger without any training to feel safe with her constantly being out there. Plus she flirted with him so much to the point it made him uncomfortable and fit the literal definition of sexual harassment.

And they always do that thing where they gotta make their favs sound better, and Tim sound worse. Which admittedly Tim fans do the same thing, but I’m not really here to pick a side. I’m just here pointing out how freaking annoying fandoms can be, because ultimately I don’t really care what fandom does it. At the moment though I can confidently say, that other fandoms are doing it a lot more than Tim ones lately, because I’m in the Tim tags at least twice a day most days and I’ve barely seen it lately.

It’s kind of a thing to project a lot of stuff on the Tim fandom for the same faux-social-justice kind of jargon they try to do. When you see it from a view like mine, where I’m not on any side of any fandom, even if I am a Tim fan (cause I never really been into deep fandom stuff), it just comes off as hypocritical frankly.

(If you want to hear some dumb things some Tim fans do to even it up, they make him the most frail, emo, emotionally unstable kid ever sometimes. They can focus way too much on making him sympathetic (but even then, literally every fandom does that, but the Tim fandom always does it in a very notable depressing way). They also focus so much on coffee and practically act like he’s all pilled up on anti-depressants he just acts weird that it just seems obsessive and very out of character.)

Like as some examples they’ll bring up how Tim doesn’t trust Damian and put him on a list of potential threats. But Damian literally nearly caused Tim’s death, nearly caused it again in the same story, and at the end it’s shown that Damian isn’t on there because Tim considers him a villain, it’s because he has potential to be dangerous. Wonder Woman and Red Tornado are also on the same list.

To me, I just look at that story as ridiculous, because Damian isn’t dumb, and Tim literally spoke against contingency plan stuff before. Damian’s going to need more than to be on a vague list as a potential threat, especially when he’s visibly on the hero side of it. Damian’s not that thinned skin. He’s got a temper, and obviously really doesn’t like Tim, but even when he felt Tim was insulting him or being patronizing to him before he didn’t try to kill him then immediately. He tried to kill him because he thought that’s what he was supposed to do to earn his place beside his father.

The story’s just dumb in-general.

And then they pull out the New 52 story where Tim is just being a dick to Damian for no good reason, but it’s the same kind of thing. Tim was never that much of a dick without being provoked. The only time I think Tim started a fight was in Red Robin where he was on pills that messed with his mental state, and again had everyone out of character regardless. Because 1) Dick wouldn’t just give away Robin from Tim, because he knows better than that. 2) Damian acts like he’s happy his dad is dead and just acts like a generic child and not even like Damian. And 3) I legitimately can’t see Tim just hitting a kid, even Damian, unless a fight already breaks out.

For Steph fans they point out how Tim is passive aggressive to her, constantly doesn’t want her to be Spoiler, and yada yada. Probably because her Batgirl run portrayed that as being mentally scarring to Steph. Even though one of the panels they chose of Tim being upset and not wanting her to be Spoiler, was after Steph caused Tim to be disfigured and on the pills that messed with his mental state to begin with. Which inadvertedly just makes her look self-centered and narcissistic. But again, I don’t even consider that in-character, because 1) I don’t buy that Steph would listen to Batman especially when it puts Tim in danger, because she never gave a crap about what Batman said till they needed to villainize her before she died. 2) Steph can be arrogant and self-centered, she has it in her, but she wouldn’t ever be that self-centered, to the point she just looks narcissistic. 3) I’m pretty sure at the actual time it happened, Steph is shown being aware she messed up. 4) Steph never cared what others thought. She trespassed on other people’s property to party. She’s a very confident person the majority of the time. Batman tells her to knock it off, she might as well flip him the bird because she just finds him more annoying than anything else. It’s literally in her origin that she doesn’t even like Batman.

There’s also the context for in the 90s when Tim first started doing it. Steph was portrayed as a reckless citizen that could potentially get herself and others into harm because she didn’t know what she was doing, and didn’t have the highest morals. That’s not anything any of the bats would encourage. If Tim was extra passive aggressive, he’s a literal thirteen to fifteen year old boy during that time, no duh he’s going to be immature. That still isn’t a sexism thing. Steph may had saved him twice, but that wasn’t portrayed even in-story as a sign she can handle it like a pro. It was always portrayed as “thank goodness she was with Tim at that time, and knew where he was to save him”. Not to say she was completely unskilled, because I’m not taking that far, but just speaking in generalizations.

She was originally added into Robin to be a very specific foil to Tim, and be a general pain in his side. That was their dynamic. If that makes it seem weird that they eventually had them date then I agree.

And at the same time for both of their characters they also ignore what the character they’re trying to defend has done, because Damian literally nearly killed Tim. They act like Tim should just get over it, because Damian was a kid in a cult, but that explains why Damian did it, it doesn’t excuse it. When something like that happens the person who was nearly killed is probably going to be traumatized (rather or not Tim was can be argued, I’m not saying he was or wasn’t), and not ever trust the person. Like that is the natural and most accurate response for it.

It’s just villainizing for the sake of being petty.

With Steph they ignore the fact she essentially sexually harassed Tim all the time and straight up emotionally abused him for an arc. Which her fans hate to hear, but that is stuff that happened. It was written by her creator. I don’t really care if Tim took her costume away or kissed her first, because I’m aware, and I know the contexts, and it doesn’t take away from what she’s done, because that’s not how that works. They also ignore she caused Tim to be disfigured by saying she was just doing what Batman said. But at that point she was also an adult, and would know better.

Like Steph can be reckless, that’s part of her character, but she isn’t an idiot.

In the end, from what all I’ve seen, it’s literally just fandom pettiness. There’s a lot of fans out there that act childish, treat people like idiots, blatantly lie about things, or exaggerate stuff.

It’s all very dumb, but I find it hard to take serious, because if they can’t acknowledge what their own favs have actually done, it just comes across like they genuinely don’t like the character and can’t admit it. They prefer to stay in their candy land so they gaslit others instead.

For me it’s as easy as paying attention to the story, seeing the contexts, and a lot of the time it’s not even a thing that’s in-character for any of the characters involved, or at least the very least not nearly as serious as they treat it.

Especially for around the past 15 or more years or so. By then the care in making everything is crafted and makes sense went down the drain so it’s often that a story doesn’t even make sense to begin with.

They think fandom is about making everyone else look bad apparently, or at least they sure act like it.

Like it’s comics. I think the fandom in-general that gets so worked up over stuff needs to relax, deattach yourself to look at it from the grander view, and calm down over it. Because things aren’t always what they seem. People try to convince themselves of so much stuff, or bully others for so much stuff, and it’s all so petty and unhealthy.

My personal philosophy in the fandom to avoid any toxic behavior is to just keep it real. I don’t lie to myself, I give everything the same standard, I definitely don’t bully or gaslit anyone, I don’t treat my favorite like they’re a real dang person either, and I look at it all like how it is, fiction.

It’s the reason why I get upset at writing and not fictional characters. I don’t ultimately care when a character does a bad thing, unless it’s out of character. To me the only thing I get upset with is the writing, because it’s the only thing that’s real.

Don’t be obsessed, and keep the peace essentially.

[wovenstarlight]

YWBK update: chapter 25 + liner notes

yesterday will be kinder has updated! you can read chapter 25 here, or start from the beginning here

okay, on to notes and commentary! first time i’m doing these, let’s hope this works out. commentary under the cut to save people’s dashes

Hamin laughs. “Given how bad you are at not being suspicious, that’s understandable.” “Oh, come on, I’m not that bad.” Hamin screws up his whole face in a squint. “Okay, so maybe I’m a little bad.”

this part was really funny to me when i wrote it because i was like “hmm reasons for DHM to understand why HHJ wouldn’t work in the guild” and then i was like Wait. Their Whole First Meeting, Dude. DHM was lowkey convinced for the longest time that HHJ was like, on the run from the KR version of the mafia, and got plastic surgery to look like his little brothers, and is possibly in some sort of witness protection program??? or something??? how else does he not have cops on his ass this man is so suspicious all the time

“I don’t think… They said the dungeons were, like, different worlds? Did they find people there?”

mafia theory second place. dungeon theory first place

“Like, humans? Um. No, no humans.” “So then you can’t be from there. Okay.”

dungeon theory shot down. mafia theory back in the running

“Hey,” he says cautiously. “I’m— I’m gonna go get us some water, okay? Why don’t you… take a minute.” “Okay.” “The bathroom is over there, if you need it.” “Okay. Thank you.”

after four years working alongside a guy you start to notice when he’s feeling a little out of it and needs a bit of a break... but as JHW mentions later you also learn to be a little subtle about giving him one

jung heewon What’s with your typing? It reads like Jihye’s [HYJ]’s fine. Very energetic Too energetic? He’s going to burn out. How do I make him calm down

Epic Burnout Man makes a reappearance! when translating sclass one of the things that makes me want to shake HYJ most is his habit of constantly adding things to his to-do list while he already has 1 billion things on his plate. and all the time he’s whining about “UGH there’s SO MUCH WORK to do” No One Asked You To Do It

Anyway. the point is. HYJ isn’t about to be beat by HHJ at Developing Issues 😔

jung heewon I haven’t spoken to him directly about this because if he’s anything like you he’ll take it as an insult You wtf whts tht supposed 2 mean quit typing jung heewon Better not say shit, mr “No, I can’t take days off and cater to my interests or go out with friends or on a date, I’m too busy taking care of the kids and making sure their needs are met, no I don’t care that there are thousands of people out there balancing personal enjoyment and romance and work AND kids at the same time, are you suggesting I be a BAD GUARDIAN to MY KIDS?”

see above re: not being too direct with pointing out when HHJ’s having Issues because he doesn’t react well

You wht but our eyes r fine jung heewon Even if having glasses doesn’t run in the family, you should still get him checked, just in case

top 10 funny time travel moments: referring to you and your past self as “us” (our = my eyes are fine), but other people think you mean “our family” (our eyes are fine = no family history of long/shortsightedness)

Also. Sooyoung-ie says hi [Attachment: 20XX1213_144516.jpg] 

ok no lie this was one of the parts that pissed me off the most, even though it’s Literally One Line, because. i love chat exchanges. i really do. when done right they’re a lot of fun to read. But Do You Know How Long It Took Me To Figure Out A Calendar For The Events In This Fic. now everything’s TIMED i have to count HOW MANY DAYS IT’S BEEN since XY event so i can CORRECTLY NUMBER the FILE ATTACHMENTS!!! this sucks!!! it took me fucking forever to pin down a timeline just so i could write this chapter plus the few before and after it!!!!

anyway i gave up when i reached year. i just put 20XX. fuck it. we are running on fairy tail time now. (actually i think that’s XXnumber number? XX76? or was it X796. something like that. Who cares i stopped watching fairy tail forever ago)

Fuck it! Hamin will understand!! “If you Awaken you should come work with me,” Han Hyunjae says all in a rush. 

“HAMIN WILL UNDERSTAND” => he literally was cool with me giving zero context for half a dozen absolute balls to the wall nonsense bullshit things i’ve done before. he’ll be fine with this too. dog_in_burning_house_this_is_fine.png

“You already know about the guilds, those are going to be for dungeon Hunters, but I was thinking of forming something like an independent group of contractors. Awakened people with skills that aren’t useful for combat, but that might… that will be generally useful. It’d be you and me, and maybe one other guy I met recently. Probably more in the future.”

given that HHJ has no idea currently that peace exists (i’m so sorry baby i’ll find a way to shoehorn you in soon i miss you so much) he’s got no intentions to start a kiseungsu business yet! he mostly wants to live quietly while just acting as a manager for other Awakening-related services, like YMW’s forge and DHM’s tracking service, along with the information exchange/lowkey spy ring that he’s planning on setting up with JHW and the bar. since HYH is fine associating with him in this timeline, HHJ’s thinking he can get a foot in the door that way, then eventually spread out into dealings with most major guild leaders

RIP to this plan. you were well-made but you will not last long.

“Please, I can’t tell you how I know that, I really can’t, it’d put me and my brothers in danger if it got out. But—” “No need.” Hamin looks slightly alarmed, and Han Hyunjae feels himself settle at the obvious concern in his eyes.

MAFIA THEORY RAPIDLY RISING TO PROMINENCE??? THIS IS NOT HOW DO HAMIN WANTED HIS GUESS CONFIRMED

“I spoke to the Task Force Head and she said that there’s been discussion about hosting a meeting for the nearby high-rankers, where they’ll announce the guild proposal and see who else is interested in trying it out.”

“they’ll announce” i’m sorry king 💔 you deserved a nap

(OH ALSO FUN FACT choi eunyoung is a canon character, not an OC of mine! she appears in uhhh i think late 140s? 150s? something like that)

“I think there’s… probably only one other S-rank who’s Awakened right now?”

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehhehe

Hamin beams. “No, they’re doing great! Spookie’s taken really well to the new housing situation, but I think Spots might miss the store…”

shoutout to @daemonic-dawn​ for letting me borrow a pet name, love u king. i had a much longer ramble about pet names here but i finished typing and realized it was all entirely off topic so i removed it for convenience

Hyunjae makes an annoyed noise in the back of his throat. “Don’t— I mean.” He huffs, visibly taking a deep breath, and Yoojin frowns reflexively. [...] “Is everything alright?” Yoojin kind of wants to be annoyed at his tone on principle, but he forces his shoulders to relax, matching Hyunjae’s posture. Though he can’t stop himself from being a little short when he answers.

things the brothers have learned in four years living together: getting confrontational often leads to arguments that just fizzle out anyway, so it’s way fucking easier to consciously tone down their combativeness in advance when talking to each other about things they have problems with, instead of screaming their heads off and then having to calm yoohyun down afterwards to boot

“I guess. Whatever.” Yoojin slumps. “Can I…” “Hm?” Hyunjae blinks at Yoojin as he gestures to the spot on the bed beside him, then jolts. “Oh! Yeah, sure, c’mere.” He opens his arms, and Yoojin goes over and flumps on the bed, head in Hyunjae’s lap. Almost immediately, Hyunjae starts stroking fingers through his hair, and Yoojin relaxes into the touch, listening as Hyunjae continues speaking.

cuddles 🥺🥺🥺 sorry i don’t have any other commentary here just. cuddles. extremely and overwhelmingly comforting for a man who spent the better part of 8 years(?) with no major positive relationships, and a kid who spent 12 years of early life basically abandoned by his parents. you had best bet they gave up on not hugging each other 1 year into this whole mess

Yoojin hums in acknowledgement. It’s not like he’d ever let himself get hurt; he has too many responsibilities to his family and friends. If he wants to be good enough to keep up, he can’t afford to fuck up like that. But… hyung will worry if he keeps working so hard. He can slow down a little for him. 

Problems disorder man when will you stop. the way he sees “getting hurt” as an inconvenience and an obstacle to his duties rather than a danger to himself. the way he doesn’t really care if he himself gets hurt, but if it’ll worry his family, then it’s a no-no. it’s just. wow. i know i wrote this but i hate him

“Not really. I talk to Myeongwoo about it sometimes.” “Ah, right, Myeongwoo.”

haha gays

“Don’t be weird about him,” Yoojin warns[...]. “I won’t, promise.”

if the “i won’t” line had a dialogue tag it’d be “Han Hyunjae lied”

“Is Eunwoo still in his relationship?” “Mhm, happy as ever. Apparently they’re trying long-distance, now that Eunwoo’s gone off to university abroad.”

three guesses for who eunwoo’s dating and you won’t need the first two

Hyunjae raises his hands like he’s going to deny the accusations levelled against him, so Yoojin seizes him by the collar and shakes him until he cries for mercy

oh my o/rv ass struggled so bad with not writing “shakes him like a man betrayed” here. it killed me not to. but in the end i prevailed (against, uh, myself. don’t think about it too hard.)

“Jeez, okay, he’s an F-rank!” “Eh?! Then why—” “He’s also got an SS-rank potential skill,” Hyunjae admits[...].

play-by-play of this scene because god if i draw any scene in this fic it would be this one just for the sheer hysterical nature of HYJ’s reaction:

YOOJIN: I HATE YOU WHAT THE FUCK WHY. TELL ME HIS RANK

HYUNJAE: HE’S AN F

YOOJIN: WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK?

HYUNJAE: he’s also got an SS-rank skill,

YOOJIN:

[pink-peony-princess]

From Unpredictability Comes Strength

Are you sure you're okay babe?" Shawn, my boyfriend asked as he walked over to the bed where I was currently laying curled up.

"I'm sure, still exhausted from the jet lag, and my period is giving me grief," I told him causing him to pout. Most girls my age would probably cringe at the thought of telling their boyfriend details about their period, but not me. See Shawn my boyfriend, my older brother Connor, and their friends Dave and Brian were all well respected doctors at the local hospital here in Toronto. That was part of reason for my moving from LA to Canada, I didn't want Shawn to loose such a good job, it was an added bonus that Bri and the other two guys also lived with us so I would get to see all of them.

"Okay," he agreed, though I could tell from the tone that he wasn't completely convinced.

"Call me if you need me, I get off at 6." he added before kissing my head and leaving the now empty house, the other having already left for the hospital.

Several hours later, and the pain just wasn't getting any better. I had always had bad periods. They were made especially bad though by a cyst that I had on my left ovary, something which when I asked my old doctor about she had told me that there was nothing that could be done short of some pain relief. I had tried everything though, hot packs, cold packs, a bath, even drinking green tea, (which I hated) to no avail. Finally I decided that I would try going for a short walk, as I heard that exercise could alleviate pain.

While on the walk I got a call from Shawn, "Babe come home, we all got off early so we're having a family dinner. " he spoke.

"Be there soon, I love you." I told him, before turning around and jogging home. As I went to cross the road, a dog came out of nowhere, and me being deathly afraid of them as I was tried to avoid it, by running the other way only to mis-step and fall directly into gravel. Unfortunately for me, I ended up skinning my knees and as I stood, groaning from the painful sting tht was now emanating from my limbs I realised there was dirt caught in them. Great, just great, I thought as I made my way home slowly, tears falling as I tried to ignore (and failed) how much pain I was in.

"Ana!" Brian called coming over to greet me with a hug. "How was your run?" He asked stepping back to look at me. "Wait, " He paused looking at me more closely. "Ana, you're crying, and bleeding, " he spoke as he looked me up and down before spotting my bloody knees.

" Shawn, " he called, looking over his shoulder to the kitchen where I could hear the other guys all laughing.

"Hi babe, " he started before noticing my knees as Brian had moments earlier and pouted.

"Let me see Princess," he spoke as he helped me into the kitchen and lifted me onto the bench.

"Aw, Poppet, what happend?" My brother asked when he saw me crying as Shawn gently examined my wounds.

"There was a dog." I shivered. I hated dogs except for Tarzan. "So I ran but I tripped." I hiccuped as I tried to slow my breathing.

"One Dr.Brian at your service," Bring sang as he reappeared holding the household first aid box, pulling out tweezers, antiseptic spray, gauze, tape, bandages, cream and pills. "I'm just going to remove the dirt, clean them and then I'll bandage them up. " He explained as he positioned my leg so the kitchen lights were directly above him. "Hold Shawn and Connor's hands for me okay, this will probably hurt."

He wasn't lying it feel like fire was being rubbed into my wounds, and I found myself biting my lip to try and stop myself from crying out loud.

"Nearly done hon," Brian soothed patting my leg as he washed out the last little bits of dirt. A minute later, he stepped back with a smile.

"The worst part is over now Princess," Shawn whispered in my ear, causing me to loosen my grip on their hands just a little. I still clung to them as Brian bandaged them up though, needing the physical contact.

"And you, my fair lady, are all finished," he smiled as he tucked the last bit of bandage in. "You'll need to get me or one of the guys to change it daily for three or so days, but other than that you'll be fine. "

"Thanks Brian," I whispered reaching to give him a hug.

"Ready to get down babe?" Shawn asked, going to grab my hands again.

"Can you just hold me for a minute?" I asked feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Of course. " He smiled before wrapping me in a warm embrace, and allowing me to rest my head in the crook of his neck. "Are you okay? " He asked when I sniffed.

"Mmm," My response was muffled, but they must have heard it because Connor was the next one to speak.

"Why are you so upset Bug?" he asked, using my childhood nickname.

"I don't know!" I cried. "I'm not sleeping because of the jet lag. I'm in pain and now this." I threw my hands up.

"Tell you what, " Connor started. "you have a shower then we'll have dinner and you and your other half-" he gestured to Shawn "can go have sappy cuddles on the couch. How does that sound?" He ruffled my hair softly as he spoke before returning to the cooking.

Fifteen minutes later, I came back down the stairs wearing one of Shawn's old Zeppelin shirts, it reaching my knees and drowning me, but I didn't care. It was comfortable, and it smelt like his aftershave.

"Feeling any better Princess?" he asked coming over and kissing my forehead

"A little," I spoke. Sighing as I leant into his hold. Truth was I was feeling less of the period pain and more of a sharp ache now. But I wasn't going to tell them that, all four of them would be swarming around me like sea gulls if I did.

"I'm hungry," I spoke stealing a piece of tomato that Connor had placed on the counter to add to the salad.

He merely glared at me playfully, but didn't say anymore.

Half an hour later and we were all sat at dinner, the boys all chatting amongst themselves about their work days, discussing patients and funding. While I just pushed my food around my plate, trying to ignore the now increasingly sharp pain radiating from my stomach.

"Ana are you okay?" Dave asked worriedly, watching as I pushed my plate away.

" I don't feel good." I spoke, before grimicing in pain as a particularly bad cramp took hold.

"Dont feel good how?" Shawn asked as he came over to where I was sitting, two seats down from him, bending down.

"Just make it stop." I groaned, reaching for my stomach.

"Make what stop Princess?" he asked, searching my face, and rubbing my leg trying to comfort me.

"The pain, it's like there's a knife there!" I cried, leaning into him and breathing heavily.

"Do you think you can stand up?" Brian asked, coming over to help Shawn support me as I slumped in my chair.

I stood slowly feeling extremely shaky before nearly collapsing as dizziness took over.

"Ana you went for a run right?" Dave asked, coming to stand by my side, taking my wrist so he could take my pulse.

I nodded my head, trying to slow my breathing as the room kept spinning.

"Shit, her pulse is racing, bring her over to the couch." He told Shawn before leaving the room.

Shawn and Dave both held me tightly as we moved slowly. I could barely lift my legs as every time I did pain took hold. "Okay, lay back babe," Shawn spoke as he helped me sit down, and situated me between his legs as he sat behind me.

"Right, Ana where is the pain?" Dave questioned coming to kneel down beside the couch.

"Right here, " I spoke pointing to my left side.

"I'm just going to feel," he spoke as he hiked my shirt up to just under my chest.

Everyone was quiet as Dave concentrated, moving around to press on different sections of my stomach. Finally he said "It is a bit swollen. Do you have any pain in your back or thighs? "

I looked back at Shawn,confused. "If the cyst on your ovary has ruptured or is close to, it can cause pain in the back and thighs," he explained, helping me to pull my shirt back down.

I nodded causing him sigh.

"We'll try some heat, maybe have a bath okay, the water may help to soothe it," Dave added before standing up and taking my wrist again. "Your heart rate is a little high, but we'll just keep an eye on you." He smiled,as Shawn scooped me up into his arms, and carried me up the stairs to our en suite.

"Arms up Princess, do you want bubbles?" he asked as he deposited me onto the closed toilet seat and helped me remove my clothing.

"Please?" I asked, watching as he grabbed my favourite bath lotion, and poured a generous amount in.

"Here we go. In you get," he spoke as he helped me into the tub The difference was almost immediate.

"I think it's time my little invalid gets out," Shawn whispered after about twenty minutes of me just laying back in the water, and letting him massage my scalp from where he sat next to the tub.

"Okay," I agreed, taking his hand as he helped me out of the bath slowly.

It was a slow process getting dressed, as I couldn't make any sudden movements, but Shawn was patient. "There," he said finally. "Snug as a bug, " He had not only redressed me into the shirt I had stolen from him, but had gone and gotten a sweater that he had left lying about and pulled it on me. "Can't have you getting cold little one," he laughed, before pecking my lips.

"It is freezing!" I agreed, as we made our way down the stairs.

"How's my patient?" Dave asked as Shawn placed me gently onto the sofa, covering me with a quilt.

"Sore," I replied, pouting, causing him to laugh.

"Here,this might help," Connor called walking in from the kitchen and placing a heating pad on my stomach.

"Thanks Con," I yawned, readjusting myself so that I could lay against Shawn's side as he squished onto the sofa beside me.

"Get some sleep babe," he whispered, "You need it." He didn't need to tell me twice, it was about three seconds and I was out like a light.

...

When I woke I wasn't sure what time it was, but I was no longer in the couch, instead Shawn had taken me up stairs and tucked me into the bed, and judging by the lack of light and the soft snores coming from Shawn as he slept soundly beside me, it was much later.

Unfortunately for me, there was no way that I was getting back to sleep any time soon, as the pain that had been uncomfortable, but bearable earlier was now causing me agony. So much so that I was literally feeling nauseous.

"Ana, are okay?" Shawn asked, talking into my neck, sleep thick in his muffled voice.

I didn't answer, trying to focus on not passing out.

"Ana," he sighed, as I just sat there crying grabbing fist fulls of sheet as each wave of pain came over me. Sitting up and switching on the lamp beside the bed, he rubbed my arm softly.

"Hold on I'll get the guys." He got up, before quickly exiting the room. A minute or so later I heard the sound of him knocking on the other's doors, and tired voices.

"It's worse? " Dave confirmed, walking into the room closely followed by Shawn,Brian and Connor.

"It never hurts this much, it's so bad!" I cried, pressing on my stomach, wanting the pain gone. I could feel a stronger wave of nausea just as Shawn bent down so that he was at my level, Connor coming to sit with me on the bed as he saw me gag, holding my hair back just in case.

" I'm gonna be sick!" I gasped holding my hand on my mouth, feeling the bile rise.

"Okay, just a second, Bri's gone to get a bucket bub," Shawn soothed coming to rub small circles in my back.

Finally just as I nearly let myself be sick on the bed, Connor spoke, "Here let it all out, " he soothed rubbing my back as Brian held a bucket beneath me that he must have bolted to get from somewhere. I was thankful though, as I could no longer hold it.

After a few minutes, I was able to catch my breath, though I still lay there sweaty and dazed.

"Here,come here Princess." Shawn motioned for me to shuffle over, so he could wipe my face down with a wet washer he had gone and gotten from out bathroom.

"I bleed on the bed," I cried, embarrassed as I shifted and felt the leak, before seeing the masive red stain on the once white sheet

" It's okay, it's normal to have heavy bleeding when a cyst is inflamed. Honestly, we see blood every day babe," Shawn soothed, as he pushed my messy hair out of my face "Besides, they're just sheets, worst case, we'll chuck them out."

"I feel horrible," I groaned letting my head fall onto Shawn's arms half an hour later, when even after a dose of strong pain killers I could barely move.

"Do you want to try sitting in the shower?" Brian suggested as he came back into the room after going to put the dirty sheets in the washer.

"Will it help?" I asked unsure.

"It might," Dave nodded, "The constant stream of warm water may help to loosen some of the muscles in your back and help with the pain and nausea. It's worth a try. "

"Okay," I agreed, watching as Dave stood up and came to stand at the side of the bed.

He held out a hand, helping to support me as Shawn pulled me into an upright position. The room spun a little, and I could feel myself swaying slightly but I managed to stay standing. "Just move very slowly, Ana, no sudden movements honey." Dave grimaced in sympathy as my face tensed with pain as I stepped forward. "

It's okay. We've got you. Breathe Ana. Just breathe," Shawn encouraged as we finally made it to the bathroom.

... Two hours later...

I had sat on the tiled floor of the shower cubicle for almost two hours now, yet nothing was changing and I was miserable. All I wanted to do was sleep. Shawn had sat with me the whole time, holding me gently under the water, not caring that his clothes were now soaked.

"Shawnie I feel dizzy," I told him trying to stay awake. "And my stomach is burning," I groaned, trying to ignore the hot feeling that was now taking over my tummy.

He took my wrist in his hand, before gently taking my pulse.

"Ana we need to go to the hospital honey," he spoke before leaning me against the glass door of the shower and standing up.

"No please can't you just do what you need to do here," I begged crying. I hated hospitals, and he knew it, it had been that way my entire 22 years of life.

"Shhh, calm down," he consoled before calling out to the others. "Dave, Brian, Connor!"

The looks of pity on all of their faces as they stepped into the room and took in my bedraggled state was too much for me to handle.

"Oh Ana, buddy. " Brian sighed, before bending down and helping Shawn to stand me up.

"We need to go to the hospital,she's dizzy her pulse is at 130 beats a minute, she's in more pain than before, she told me a minute ago that her stomach was burning, and she's bleeding more than she should be. I think it may have burst," he told the others as he wrapped a towel around my wet-clothed body.

"Burns," I whimpered as we made our way downstairs, me in my brother's arms, allowing Shawn to run and change into dry clothes.

I heard them muttering amongst themselves, not making out much more than medical word: inflammation and gastritis,and then I was tuning them out.

I couldn't help the tears as we made the short drive to the hospital, me laying across Connor and Shawn's laps.

"I know bub,we'll sort it out okay. But just focus in staying calm. The more upset you are, the worse you'll feel." Connor explained rubbing my stomach softly.

-Connor-

I felt horrible as I watched my little sister in pain, desperately clinging to Shawn as we pulled into the staff carpark. Luckily for us Shawn and I worked as critical care doctors in the ICU while Brian and Dave ran the ER, meaning we could just go straight in, not having to worry about admissions, and insurance just yet.

"I thought you were off tonight? It's been one hell of a night!" Nancy one of the nurses spoke as we walked in.

"We were, but Ana has a burst cyst," I spoke pointing to Shawn who held her in his arms as we walked towards the only available exam room.

Nancy frowned sympathetically, before walking back to the nurses station "You'll need to run it, no doctors available," she called.

Normally we won't treat relatives but she was high priority as as Nancy had said there was no one else there.

"Right Ana I need to run some tests honey, I'm going to get Shawn to change you into this," Dave spoke holding out a gown, as Shawn placed my sister onto the exam table gently.

Once that was done Dave came back over, setting up the portable ultra sound machine next to the bed.

"So I'm just going to put some gel on your stomach, and have a look okay. It might be a little uncomfortable so I apologise in advance."

She whimpered slightly, grabbing Shawn's hand as Dave pressed the wand down."

"I know I'm sorry, " he apologised as he continued to move it around, finally he stopped, zooming in.

"Here it is, you've got a burst cyst on your left ovary, that's why it's hurting so much. When you were running the exertion must have caused it to burst. It also looks as though you have evidence of gastritis too."

"What's that?" she asked looking to me for help.

"Its inflammation of the stomach lining, that's the burning you were feeling.We'll run some more tests though, just to be sure-"

He was interrupted as he spoke by one of the nurses poking her head around the curtin.

"Dr. Craigen would you be able to consult in triage?"

"No," He answered politely. "I'm currently busy looking after a personal patient."

Ana laughed once she had left. "Can you do that? Just ignore?"

"For you, yes, you're our most important patient." He winked. " Good news," he added, " There's no twist, so no surgery but it did burst, and you have lost some blood. So I would like to admit you so we can give you fluids and pain relief," he explained causing her nose to crinkle in distaste.

-Ana-

"Can Shawn stay?" I asked worried that I'd be stuck here by myself.

"I'm not going anywhere Princess," he reassured, me, coming to sit on the side of the bed with me.

Half an hour later and I'd been officially admitted and hooked up to a blood pressure machine, oximeter, and an I.V. with pain meds which was working wonders.

"How you feeling now princess?" Shawn asked, looking at the machines briefly before focusing his attention back to me. We were now the only two in the room, Brian and Connor having gone to the Cafeteria for much needed coffee, and Dave to check my previous file notes, not that I knew how he'd get a hold of them.

"I'm cold." I shivered, trying to burrow myself further into the too think blankets.

"Here, this should help," Shawn smiled, pulling one of his jumpers out of his bag and helping me into it.

There was a knock on the door, before Dave stepped into the room,a clipboard in hand. "Sorry to interupt guys." he apologised. "Ana, I need to ask you some routine questions," he spoke coming to sit next to the bed.

"Is there any chance you could be pregnant?" he asked seriously.

I blushed, "Ummm no," I laughed hiding my face in Shawn's shoulder.

"Sorry,this is just as awkward for you as it is for me. Trust me I don't want to know the details of one of my best mates private this. But this important," he explained smiling sympathetically.

"Well, No, trust me," I laughed, just wanting to move on.

"Okay. Well I'm going to do a blood draw just to rule a couple things out. Make sure nothing additional is going on."

"The doctor basically told me there was nothing she could do," I told him, watching as he grabbed all the necessary supplies.

"Well now that you're over here Dave will take care of you princess," Shawn spoke kissing my head.

"You don't have to worry about a thing." Dave smiled before snapping on a pair of gloves and coming to sit next to me.

"Shawn move your fat bum so I can get this blood work done," he spoke, shoving Shawn off the bed with his hip where he had been sitting next to me.

"Sharp scratch Ana," he warned causing me to squeeze my eyes shut in anticipation. "Just stay nice and relaxed."

Several hours later,and nothing abnormal had shown up in my blood work, meaning that once my pain was under control I was free to go, however Dave did explain to me that he had seen evidence of gastritis as Connor had mentioned earlier a symptom of the strong medications I had been taking to manage my pain. I was prescribed an ant-acid, toldstay away from spicy food, and change medications to something a little less harsh.

"You also need to be on bed rest for a few days to give your stomach time to heal," Shawn had added, laughing when I whined in protest. He knew I hated being stuck immobile.

Days later I had been released on strict orders to rest, something which I reluctantly agreed to.

" I'm so glad your feeling better," Shawn said sitting next to me on the sofa, that had become my temporary home due to not being able to walk easily on my own.

"Well it wasn't exactly the way I wanted to spend my first few days here, but thank you guys," I spoke, looking to the other three who sat across from us. They all smiled. "Seriously. Hopefully this will be the start of a great new chapter! I can't wait to see what living in Canada brings," I shouted causing them all to laugh.

"What would I do without you babe?" Shawn chuckled, kissing me.

"I don't know, your life would certainly be more predictable though," I laughed, snuggling into his shoulder.

"But then life would be boring, besides from unpredictabiliy comes strength, and you Ana, are the strongest person I know," he smiled, kissing my temple and resting his head atop mine.

[eternal-love-song]

Trapped and Safe

Kyoka is proposed to by her partners and doesn't know what to make of it.

[BakuMomoJirou] [Established Relationship, Aged Up Characters, Polyamory, OT3, Relationship Negotiations, Marriage Proposals]

It was early when Kyoka woke up. She was used to waking up and rolling out of bed around noon, but feeling the empty sheets around her and having the soft streaks of sunlight pouring into the room had coaxed her out of bed earlier than usual. She ran her fingers lazily through her hair, trying to bring herself into some semblance of order as she crossed the room. Her too large T shirt had fallen off of one shoulder and her shorts had bunched up around her hips, but she could only worry about one thing at time before she'd gotten any breakfast in her.

Her eyes went to the kitchen first as soon as she opened the bedroom door, latching onto the plate that she saw there and making a bee line for the breakfast that had been left for her. It was a simple plate of toast and eggs, but it would be heaven with how hungry she was. She took a sip from the glass of orange juice right beside the plate, picked up her toast, and scanned the rest of the apartment for her housemates as she bit and chewed her food beside the table. 

Kyoka was surprised to find them seated in the Livingroom, easily in sight of the bedroom door had she bothered to look their way, but they seemed as equally wrapped up in whatever they were doing as she had been with finding breakfast. They were sitting across from each other, glaring heavily as she had a quiet conversation. It was... unusual, she decided. Unusual enough that she decided to take her toast and investigate what they were arguing about so early in the morning. 

She stopped when she got closer. There was a ring on the table. It was deceptively simple, a black band with an amethyst stone. It wasn't flashy, but it wasn't a casual gift either. Even she could tell that just from a glance.

She must have gotten close enough for them to notice, since they both broke their staring contest to look at her. Momo's expression because softer, welcoming. Katsuki's hardened and he looked away from her as if to spare her from the anger in his eyes.

"Kyoka, good morning! Did you sleep well?" Momo asked her. She held out a hand. Kyoka stepped forward to take it, letting Momo pull her into sitting diagonal of them at the table. She didn't answer, using her toast to keep from speaking as she tried to work out the tension between them. 

Katsuki and Momo didn't bicker. His bad attitude had rarely, if ever, extended to her (though he and Kyoka could fight at the best of times with little provocation) and when she commented on his bad behavior he usually pulled himself together. Or tried to, at least. Change didn't happen over night and Katsuki would always be the aggressive sort. So was Kyoka, if she were honest, even if it was more of a passive aggressive.

She looked between them, looked at the ring, waiting for one of them to fill her in before she finished her toast and had to ask the question herself. As expected, Katsuki was the one that spoke first. He wasn't patient enough to wake her out like Momo would be.

"I got an offer from America," he told her. He still had that angry look on his face, directing it somewhere near the corner of the table so that he was facing her without directing his anger at her. It was one of the things she liked about Katsuki now as opposed to how he had been in high school. He kept his anger contained, directed, and didn't unleash it at every target he could see. "One of the top 5 heroes over there wants me to join their agency. They offered a lot of money. And freedom."

Kyoka raised her eye brows. Momo already had a lot of money and Katsuki never cared about that much anyway. Freedom, though, that was something Japan didn't offer as much of. And over here, he was always vying with Deku and Shouto for the top spot. She swallowed the last bite of her toast, wishing she'd brought her orange juice to combat the sudden dryness she felt in her throat. 

"Okay?" she questioned. "You've gotten offers from them before. What's the big deal now?"

Momo's hand tightened around hers, seemingly involuntarily. Momo tugged a strand of her hair behind her ear. It was loose, she wore it down more often than not these days. It was eye catching and Kyoka found herself constantly distracted whenever she moved it over her shoulder or tucked it out of her way. Momo had always been beautiful, but it seemed to become more distracting over time. Kyoka's eyes jumped from Momo's hand to her eyes, knowing she was caught in her distraction by the soft smile Momo gave her.

The smile didn't last. It dimmed more quickly than Kyoka was ready for and she missed the sight of it hard. "They offered him a three year contract with their agency, meaning he would have to stay in America for that long."

Kyoka still wasn't seeing the problem here. "Okay?"

Momo bit her lip. "Perhaps this doesn't mean as much to you," she relented softly. "You aren't kept under contract the same way that we are with your undercover work. You've got more freedom than either of us." Momo laughed but it wasn't a happy sound. It sounded tired and bitter. Kyoka had to think it was a result of her arguing with Katsuki because Momo never sounded like that. "I'm still under contract for two more years myself, so I can't go anywhere."

The problem was starting to make itself clear.

"Oh." Her hands itched for a distraction and part of her wished that she wasn't holding Momo's hand still so that she could fidget. The woman was watching her too closely and Kyoka wasn't sure she had a response yet.

Hey," Katsuki said finally. He didn't look as angry as he had earlier, but he was still frowning. Not that frowns were unusual with him. He often kept a serious expression or a scowl on his face. "You get it right?"

"Tell me," she said instant of answering. Talking to Katsuki was easier than talking to Momo sometimes. She didnt have to be polite when she spoke to Katsuki, didn't have to hide her frustrations or snark. It's why they worked so well. Sugar and spice, expect that Momo was the only sugar between them.

"I want you to come with me," he told her. He met her eyes then, serious and straightforward. "I want you to marry me."

If Momo weren't holding her hand she may have gotten up right then. The statement seemed to put her into Flight or Fight mode. Momo was holding her to her spot.

"What the fuck?" she yelled. "You can't just ask me that out of nowhere!"

His expression didn't change at all. It would have been more satisfying to see him get angrier, but he didn't. "Looks like I just did."

Fight or Flight. Momo was holding her hand. 

"What makes you think I would want to marry you?" she asked. It was a terrible to ask in anger, in panick, and she tried to talk over herself with another question. "What makes you think I would want to go to America?"

Katsuki rolled his eyes then, sighed. "I don't know, Kyoka, me? A chance to see another country? Freedom?"

The fact that he wasn't fighting her was putting her more on edge. She wasn't prepared for this. Momo squeezed her hand again, then touched Kyoka's arm with her free hand when that didn't get a response. "You don't have to go," Momo told her. "Of course you don't." Momo glared at Katsuki again, who returned it with all the intensity he'd had earlier. Aimed at Momo, but not at Kyoka who had been trying to pick a fight. Why?

"As I said, I have two more years on my contract, you can stay here with me," she smiled at her. "It's not as big of a deal as Katsuki was making it out to be."

"Then why were you too fighting?" she asked. That was a dumb question. She could think of a million more reasons for them to be fighting about this, but it was something to say. Something to distract herself from the feeling that Momo was the only thing keeping her on the ground. Something to distract from the way her body was tensing. Something to keep her from looking for more ways to get Katsuki to throw a verbal punch so that she didn't feel so...

"Isn't it obvious?" Katsuki asked her. He leanedf forward and flicked her in the forhead. "I know it's early but there's got to be something going on up there, right?"

She was able to slip her hand out of Momo's without thinking about it as she reached to cover her forehead. "Excuse you!" 

Freedom and she wasn't prepared for it. She glared at Katsuki, who still wasn't glaring back. She felt wrong footed.

"There's only one ring on this table, Kyo, and three people. I know you can do that kind of math, right?" he rolled his eyes.

One ring. Her eyes widened and she looked at Momo, who had demurred since Kyoka pulled away, fidgeting with her hair. She looked up and caught Kyoka's gaze. "I would like it very much if you stayed here and married me instead," Momo told her. "I had already been planning..." she paused, looked at Katsuki, began again. "We had already been talking about how we felt about you, that's why we..." Her eyes went to the ring. Kyoka's did, too. The ring made in her colors, sitting lonely in the center of the table and waiting for her. 

Fight or flight.

Katsuki took her hand this time, rooting her to the spot. "Hey, don't run from this, Kyo. It's a ring not a bomb."

"Funny thing for you to say." The snark was automatic but there wasn't any heat to it. The fight was draining out of her and all her avenues of her escape kept being cut off.

"You don't have to say yes," Katsuki told her. Her eyes flew to his face, but he wasn't looking at her. His eyes were locked on their hands and his expression was too soft, too real. It was okay when it was Momo, who was soft enough to everyone that she didn't feel the need to run. Didn't feel special, or could pretend tht she didn't. It was different when it was Katsuki, who never looked at anyone this way except her and Momo. Different to think your partners want to marry you instead of your housemates are fighting.

Kyoka closed her eyes. "I need a drink."

"I'll get it," Momo said. She could hair the chair lightly scrap across the floor as Momo got up, follow her steps across the room and count them to know exactly how far away she was.

"I mean it, Kyoka. You don't have to say yes," Katsuki repeated. "To either of us. Just because we want to, doesn't mean you have to. You can stay here with Momo if you want, or you can come to America with me, it's your choice."

"So you're going?" Kyoka asked as she opened her eyes. Momo had placed her orange juice on the table and she picked it up with her free hand. They seemed reluctant to not be holding onto her and Kyoka wondered if they knew her too well or if her panic was written all over her face. 

"I want to," he told her. "I don't know if I want to sign a three year contract." His thumb stroked over the back of her hand. "I would like it more if I could be there with you."

"Why me?" Kyoka asked finally. "Why not each other?"

It was too surreal for them to be basing this around her. Katsuki and Momo had been dating long before she had come into the picture. She had been stumbling around with Denki, Mina, and Eijirou before she'd ended up crashing with them. She'd been busy feeling her way around the bottom of the hero charts before she fell into a relationship with two top ten pros. It didn't make any sense for them to want her so badly when they had each other.

Momo actually laughed at that. "You really don't know, Kyoka?"

"It's because we love you, idiot," Katsuki told her firmly. "Me and Mo, we'll be fine. In two years her contract will be up and we'll do whatever we want together. There's no conflict there, no argument. That's a certainty." He paused to catch her eyes, stroking the back of her hand again. "You though... you could decide to walk out of our life at any time and there's nothing we could do to stop you. Except this."

She sat up straighter in her seat, looking between them both. "You think... you think I'm going to leave you?"

"We don't know what you'll do," Momo admitted. "This works for us, though. Having you here with us, it's everything." Now Momo was holding her other hand. Kyoka felt as trapped as she did safe. She acknowledged that maybe they had a reason to worry when she'd spent so much of this conversation wanting to run. Maybe she was a flight risk that needed to be tied down to kept from escape. Funny how Katsuki had offered her freedom by trying to tie her down. Fumy how she believed him. "If Katsuki goes to America, we'll apart for two years. And it's not that we won't visit each other, of course, every chance we get! That's not... this though. So we thought..."

"We thought it was better to let you choose," Katsuki told her, picking up the trailing thread of Momo's sentence. "Whatever you want. You can come with me or stay, and one of us will pick up the slack."

Kyoka stared at her hands. Momo's were cupped around her almost pleadingly, keeping her entire hand trapped. Katsuki's hand was firm, still stroking her with his thumb. Sugar and Spice. She broke their hold to lace their fingers together.

"I choose both."

Kyoka looked up to find her partners wearing near identical expressions of surprise. She laughed. "You though I would say no, didn't you?"

Katsui joined in her laughter. "Yeah, I kinda did. Wasn't going to let that stop me, though."

She looked over at Momo, who had moved out of her chair was kneeling beside Kyoka, looking up at her with big pleading eyes. "You really mean it?"

She took her hand from Katsuki in order to cup Momo's face. "Of course I mean it."

Momo's eyes watered and she pressed her face into Kyoka's palm. "Oh, Kyoka! I'm so happy!"

Katsuki got of his chair to stand beside them, placing a hand on bother of their heads. "I'll miss you both if I have to go to America by myself."

"Dummy, then don't go," she said as she leaned her head into his side. "Find a different contract, or ask them wait. No one has to be left behind."

He huffed, leaning down to kiss her on her forehead. "You think you have all the answers today, huh?"

"Maybe not all the answers, but I have the one that matters," she said.

Katsuki looked at her questioningly and Momo also looked at her with a bit of confusion. Kyoka wasn't sure if she'd ever said it before. Not seriously and not like this. She took a deep breath and looked at them both. "I love you. I love both of you. That's what matters, right?"

Momo had her arms thrown around Kyoka's waist and Katsuki had trapped her upper body in a crushing embrace. She laughed, feeling trapped and safe and far more giddy than she had ever thought she would. 

"I'm never leaving you both, got it? Don't think anything like that ever again."

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Hi! If u wouldn’t mind helping me out, I’m trying to figure out whether I use Se-Ni or Ne-Si, I’m fairly certain I’m ExTP 3w4. Thought I was ESTP but sensors I’ve met irl tend to be a lot more hands on & in the moment than me. I’m not v in tune to the physical world, ex. the light in my room flickers on/off sometimes & I don’t even notice it, my sister had to point it out to me. I’m terrible at sports/dancing bc I have poor spatial/bodily awareness. Other times certain sensory inputs are (1)

completely overwhelming to me & I’m v dramatic abt them, if something smells bad or I’m cold I have to get away asap or I get moody. Sometimes I put effort into my appearance but usually I don’t, I only want to impress specific ppl. I don’t particularly like being in charge but in group projects I’m always thrust into the decision making role bc no one else wants it & I just want to get it over with. When I’m not breathing down ppl’s necks things just go to shit -_- I avoid working harder (2)

than I have to & chose my major (animation) specifically bc it’s fun/doesn’t feel like work & I wouldn’t have to write long essays/do math. Speaking of math I don’t like when things have 1 definitive answer & I don’t like things I can’t make relevant to myself. I preferred English/phil classes bc u can argue p much anything & I’m an expert bullshitter. Psych was fun until we had to learn actual chemicals/brain parts. I like looking at graphs/statistics & I love making lists. Idk what type my (3)

mom is but she’s constantly irritated by me bc I ask her questions she thinks I should just google, but I don’t rly care abt the answer, I just want to discuss. She also hates tht I talk abt what the world “should” be like, she’s just like “go fix it then” & it drives me crazy bc I wish I COULD but it’s NOT that simple. I procrastinate a lot. I wouldn’t call myself a perfectionist but I’ll work at something until it’s more than decent bc I hate letting people down. I hate when ppl watch me (4)

work, I only want them to see the result. I’m v risk averse (except when it came to my career path lol) & do everything I can to ensure I won’t fail. I compare myself to others to see how I measure up. I’m always trying to improve myself; I think that’s why I dwell on my negative qualities so much & why I feel like I’m not living up to my potential. I’d rather impress ppl than serve ppl to gain their approval. I’ve always wanted to be famous & it shocked me when I found out most ppl don’t.(5)

The thought of having “fans” actually makes me uncomfortable but I want to elevate my social status to spite ppl who used to look down on me. I couldn’t stand just being average, I want to be undeniably important and worthy of love. I don’t rly know what I want in life besides this vague need to succeed. I’d be happy doing a variety of things, but I hate menial labor/repetitive tasks. I need alarms for everything bc I zone out so much; literally as I was writing this I was on a walk & had (6)

to sprint back home bc I forgot I had work until my alarm went off. My living space is a mess, I’m fine w it. I hate accountability (can’t drive, too much responsibility/possible crashing). I can form habits if I see a good reason for them, but consistency is hit or miss (sporadically eating healthy vs 100+ day duolingo streak). I have no respect for authority/tradition & only follow the law to avoid punishment. Ppl say I’m creative/funny but I think I mostly just combine/jump off other (7)

ppl’s ideas & improve them. When I write stories ppl complain there are no sensory details/phys descriptions. Ppl tell me I’m eccentric but I’m just doing my own thang idc abt social norms. Love thinking up unrealistic romantic scenarios, romance is my fave thing to talk about. I feel guilty talking abt my obsessions so much but I GOTTA. I don’t trust myself to judge myself accurately bc I’m always trying on new personas, but the things I talked abt here are all persistent traits (8) 

---------

Hi anon,

So I do think you probably are a high Ne user from this, and 3 is possible, but I think you’re an ENFP - some of the traits, especially surrounding leadership, sound like they’re coming from low Te; your attitude towards math (not that FPs can’t be good at math or TPs all like it, but TPs often do want a single answer and like the consistency of math even if they’re not into it as a specialty) and the attitudes towards eccentricity and new personas seems more like Fi than lower Fe. I’m not totally positive, and your focus for this question was Ne vs. Se so you may have left out things that led you to type as a Ti-aux, but at the very least I’d recommend looking at aux Fi.

I would also look into 3w2 or 2w3 instead of 3w4 - the part about being important and worthy of love makes me think both 2 and 3 are involved in the core.