#I know for a fact that isn’t a word
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I know I’ve said this before but why is dialogue so hard to write
Trying to write something but it ain’t looking too good
#yeyarants#damn this just shows that I don’t talk to that many people lol#i swear I think I’m doing good in writing#but dialogue sucks to write#but ngl it’s always so fun to read#and it’s an essential part of writing#damn I just suck at writing dialogue#the dialogue ain’t dialoguing#I know for a fact that isn’t a word#just made it up
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whatever happens, please don’t break
#god not a fucking DAY goes by where i don’t think of that one interview and this quote#does anybody have it word for word? please? i’ll pay you#literally every single time i think about how kunikida as w character was MADE for dazai. specifically to share his suffering#i actually sob into my hands because that means they were both destined for tragedy together and the long dark road they will walk#will at least not be lonely. because they have each other. they are each other’s light in the darkness.#DO YOU UNDERSTAND#bro the fact that kunikida is painfully aware of the imperfection of the world and how he still continues to fight for his ideals#paralleling dazai who finds humanity beautiful but cannot become attached bc he feels alienated from emotion#THE WAY THEY COULD HELP EACH OTHER????? SICK SICK SICK I AM SICK#i love kunikidazai sm i wish more ppl could see the potential#but some of you aren’t ready for the sheer perfection of their dynamic#also i’ve noticed that i am only capable of drawing dazai properly when it’s with kunikida what’s up with that 💀#and sorreyy i know their height difference isn’t THAT big but i didn’t realize until i was halfway into the coloring 😔💔#osamu dazai#dazai osamu#kunikida doppo#doppo kunikida#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#lotus draws
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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Promises
He should know better.
Wolfwood has seen Vash make promises, or hear about the ones he has made in the past. He has also seen the end of each one and how every single time the outcome is less than what was promised.
Vash likes to say embellished words, with a soft and determined voice that lures you into his hopes and dreams, it almost feels like a spell, as if he was calling for you to come closer and believe him. But Wolfwood knows better.
He believes in him, but Vash is much closer to being an idealistic dreamer than a realistic person like he is. He might not be aware of it, but his beautiful promises of a better future give people hope, a hope that is usually embraced with things like disappointment and abandonment.
He doesn’t think that Vash does it with the intent of looking for any of those things. Far from it, he might even do the impossible in order to accomplish said promises, but life is too short and humans are too mortal for his wishes, so in the end, most of Vash’s promises end up being empty or they come to haunt him as a reminder of his failed vows. He admires the man, for his perseverance and idealism, but he also hates the man, for his stubbornness and lies.
Wolfwood knows all of this perfectly to a tee. And yet, he has also found himself being drawn to his world. Because he also dreams of it.
A world in where his always present calls for love and peace exist, a world that is far more kind than what he might deserve, a world in where the kids can be happy and roam around without any worry in their heads, a world in where he can peacefully turn grey with age and his hands can shed the harsh callouses of his life. Who knows, maybe a world in where he and Vash can finally know the peace that was taken away from them, in where they can share the calmness that comes with the passage of time, indulging in every tick of the clock welcoming with open arms whatever comes their way without any fear.
It is a beautiful promise. But Wolfwood is a person that has to keep his feet on the ground, indulging in “what ifs” would only make things harder than what they had to be. He can’t have any ifs if he can’t make it through the now. And by the way he is carrying his present, he is doubtful he will even get to see a shed of that promised world that Vash tries to drag him into. So why mourn something he doesn’t even have, or will ever have for that matter.
He hates the way Vash seems to promise things so easily. His tongue silky and pliant, slipping divine words one after the other, promises way too big for what that barren world can actually fit.
But when Vash talks to him in that holy voice of his, when he hears him say “It’s okay, everything will be alright, I promise” so gently right on his ear, while he holds his face so tenderly making him focus on him and nothing else, he wants to believe him.
He has seen the end of his promises. He knows how impossible they are. But for once, he wants to believe it too. Believe in that loving world that will cradle them both until they fall asleep, listening to the soft sound of the wind laughing while the moons smile upon them.
So he allows himself to indulge in the warmth of his palms, leaning into the comfort of his existence, feeling the soft air of Vash’s breaths against his skin while their foreheads meet in a touch that feels like a hot brand that will melt him.
For an instant, he allows himself to be selfish and believe that maybe, that is how living in that world Vash so desperately fights for would be. Soft and warm, making him feel safe in the hollow of Vash’s hands where the world seems to fit so well. A world where the blue sky is a blanket that covers the love and care that is nestled in it like the one in Vash’s eyes. He wants to see that world.
For now, he will selfishly think that the world that fits in Vash’s hands is right there in where he is holding him, where his blue eyes are drowning in the light of the sunset dripping with love and care while looking at him, that the gentle touch of Vash’s thumb wiping his tears is the same as the kiss of that laughing wind in that distant future, where the smile of his eyes overcomes the smile of the moons.
He should know better. But he loves the thought of that world. And he hopes that Vash will get to see that world, because that gentle sight is more fitting for someone like him than the one of his violent world.
He promises to himself that he will do what it takes for that day to be possible. Even if the end of that promise will be empty for Nicholas, he knows it will be a full one for Vash. So it really isn’t that empty for him after all.
He hates his lies, and he hates how true they sound, but Vash’s embellished words are far sweeter than his bitter thoughts so they feel better on his insides, almost like a balm that cares for the wounds of his throbbing, painful reality.
He should know better.
But aren’t humans weak at the promise of love?
#yeah….mm…mhm yeah#my thoughts were going crazy with this one. because WW crying is something that has me week on the knees#WEAK FFS#also the thought of him becoming bare and emotional at the hands of Vash makes me want to jump around until I pass out#think of it. he is afraid of him in a way. but he trusts him so deeply too it’s such a contrasting and little contradictory thing#more like. denial after denial but yk what I mean. because that’s the whole post#also as a fun fact. while on the making of this thing the line of “it’s okay. everything will be alright. I promise#it’s meant to be said by Vash to WW#but also I did it considering that a)Vash is saying it to himself as well and b)it’s something WW wants to say to Vash as well#they are both incredibly pained men and they know it but don’t adress it. so verbally saying such words to each other issssUUUEHWHAGAH#ah yes. the intimacy of being emotionally vulnerable with the person who you would trust your life to but never openly say shit to eachother#isn’t that such an amazing flavor? I won’t lie to you it’s one of my favorites#trigun#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun stampede#trigun fanart#wolfwood#nicholas trigun#nicholas the punisher#lenssi writes#lenssi draws#trigun 2023#trigun 98#because I did a mishmash on WW design bc this is meant to be TriStamp time skip in my mind#his eyes were originally their canon steel blue/grayish tone. but while doing the lighting the brown looked gorgeous#i couldn’t help myself so I left it that way. because there is something so beautiful abt his eyes shining like that in#the afternoon light while he becomes undone under the sunset ya feel me?#OHFUCKIALMOSTFORGOT another little detail. Vash’s right hand doesn’t have a glove and it’s on purpose btw you’re welcome
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Sunny watching her dad do so much for other people and wanting to make sure he knows he’s loved in return and going out of her way to make his birthday special for him and going to every single person to have them write about how much they care for him after he thought that no one did and-
#I’m literally crying#I have so many thoughts about this I can’t put into words#sunny is so perfect#the fact that she knows material wrath and gifts isn’t what he needs and instead gets him smth he’ll treasure so much more#I do think he would love anything she gets him but#sunny so clearly loves her pa and wants him to know just how much she loves him and appreciates all he’s done for her#I can’t stop watching the clip of fit seeing the area#I have tears in my eyes#qsmp tubbo#qsmp#tubbo#qsmp sunny
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Freylin lovers… all four of you out there…. please talk to me abt them. I will love u forever
#re-inspired by the fanfic I just read of sapphic freylin#SAPPHIC FREYLIN SAVE ME#anyway even if it isn’t sapphic freylin#if you like freylin in any form!!!!!!!! even if not it's necessarily romantic/typically romantic! I need someone to gush about them with#I used to like them a very mild amount once upon a time.....#but then that changed once the Thinking tm started#it's about the themes............ transformation..mostrosity.... understanding each other in a way few others seem able to#about exoneration through the other#which kind of doesn't sound like the right word but I mean it in the sense that exoneration implies the accusation of sin/guilt is flawed#(unlike something like absolve.... which implies forgiveness for sins rather than the fact that there was no sin in the first place)#idk if that makes sense but I hope. the general gist comes across#anyway I have lots of thoughts about them but it will take time to write them all out#but pls tell me someone thinks about them as much as I do#look I know why they aren't a popular ship and I understand. but STILL#I need to know if there are others out there!!!#Freya#Merlin#freylin#bbc merlin
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whyyyy do some people care so much about their dog’s gender presentation 😭😭 the dog doesn’t care if she gets misgendered why does it matter this much to u i don’t get itttt
#fun fact people call maya a good boy all the time and she is like ‘yippee :D!!!’ because she doesn’t know what that means#took daisy for a walk and a stranger said ‘oh isn’t he precious’ and i said thank you bc it doesn’t matter#her nickname is fart she doesn’t understand english let alone pronouns#also ‘oh she’s a girl’ is only four words and people will immediately switch to she/her for the dog#but most importantly. it doesn’t matter#dress ur dog however u want but when ur like ‘NOOOO THEY THOUGHT BELLA WAS A BOY’ it gets a little weird#bella doesn’t give a shit
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Why are you so mean to him notes app
#Begging my phone to please understand the name I’ve typed like 27162638476 time is in fact a word#To be fair Tich isn’t a name#But STILL#i know lots of people don’t like that Tich is his name (and 100% canonically after the Patreon interview) but I like it honestly lol 🤷#Sfthposting
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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find it so interesting that in 1x03 dead in the water sam is so shocked by dean being such a sweetheart with kids. some people in this fandom (naming no names..) frame this like ‘stupid sam who doesn’t know dean at all and doesn’t even remember that dean basically raised him🙄🙄’……….. but that makes 0 sense. isn’t it more likely instead that sam just doesn’t remember dean being that nice to him as a kid😭
#this post was originally ‘i hate when deangirls do this-‘ but i decided to word it like less of a hater❤️peace and love#spn20rewatch#oliver talks#spn#anyway. like of course dean was incredibly sweet sometimes to young sam and loved him more than anything but i’m sure he was also a total#dick…#and especially s1 sam - to who his childhood is MUCH more recent and raw and real than late-seasons sam who does the same idealisation dean#does going on about how growing up dean always protected him which we know factually isn’t 100% true -#probably has more memories of dean being a dick growing up#anyway of course there’s also just the fact that. dean is really good with kids sometimes but he isn’t necessarily always……..in 1x03 and#with ben he really sees himself in both the kids. cause he’s capable of great empathy! but if he doesn’t identify with the kid he has no#real empathy with them and he doesn’t care so much… hence jack#dean winchester
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JoJo Siwa doesn’t deserve all the hate (and homophobia) she’s getting for her style and music; but she does deserve scrutiny for defending Colleen Ballinger and being both active and complicit in abuse that happened on her TV show. Like the girl has been under the public eye in unhealthy environments all her life; cut her some slack — not too much; she’s still a responsible adult — but if you’re going to dogpile her, then at least dogpile her for the right reasons. Jesus Fucking Christ.
#jojo siwa#discourse#Her comment sections are VILE#I actually don’t hate her songs. They’re basically early-2000s new old stock and I like early 2000s music#Is she trying too hard to look like an “adult?” Yes. But that’s understandable.#What isn’t understandable is screaming at children for no fucking reason#and JoJo not helping at all when a girl was hemorrhaging out her belly button#when JoJo’s mother told the girl to “put a pad on it”#I don’t care how afraid you are of your parents; you END that shit the second you see it#I was raised in a cult and I actively sabotaged my parents’ preaching work on multiple occasions#I didn’t know if I’d get kicked out if they found out I did that; the only reason I still have a relationship with them#is because they never found out about my later sabotage#Dad preached to a waitress dangling a cure for her sons’ disorder in front of her nose as incentive to join and gave her literature#So I went to the restaurant with him and insisted I pay for the tip.#I gave her eight dollars and a sticky note with a bunch of keywords about the cult’s abuses to look up#The next time I went there#she said didn’t understand the sticky note and asked me while he was gone what I meant#I hate talking to people especially when I’m under pressure because I trip over my words even when I’m NOT anxious#But her kids’ lives being free of a cult meant more to me than avoiding a momentary discomfort so I gave a quick rundown#She thanked me and heeded my warning basically playing along with me and not saying anything to my dad about it#I was 20; JoJo was about 19 when her show was going on#She had no excuse for allowing her mom to do that.#At the very least she could have said “Oh god I’m so sorry she said that. Please don’t hurt yourself for my show; go to the hospital.”#But no. She didn’t do that. In fact she screamed at children and joked that if they were crying then it was a good show.#Bitch come here and do that in front of me. I double dog dare you. I may only be 5’5” but I fight dirty and I’m angrier than you#Sorry. I guess I do hate her… for THAT specifically.#Like yeah I’ve fucked up with the kids I help and yelled when I didn’t have to but I HATED doing it and tried to do better later#Why someone would SCREAM at kids on purpose for long periods of time for no reason is beyond me
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. The Concept of Nyon in an otherwise fully developed planet is so crazy to me. It is simply Forgotten. There’s guys in there who obviously were alive when it wasn’t. When it was considered a booming part of Cybertron’s economy. They have a port. Fishing cities are often self sufficient and good at their trade, unless nobody wants to buy from them or someone from outside is exploiting them. I hold it in my heart and categorize it as a poor Latino city in my head. Maybe they had buildings and crowded streets like Turkey. Full of riches and kind to each other. A deep culture of Nobody gets left behind. I love going back and writing Rodimus’ nostalgia towards a home he can never go back to
#ppl will talk abt Cyc grieving cybertron#or might argue that Rod isn’t the only one who lost his home#but it’s arguably worse when you consider he’s the only Nyon citizen left#he’s probably forgotten so much. he holds specific words close.#but he doesn’t remember them the way he should#I’d think his memory is foggy and he mourns that fact a lot.#I think it’s why he only ever went as hot rod and Rodimus.#can’t have people ask you about a home your brain refuses to allow you to remember#when they don’t know what that home is#ooc / misty forest
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just finished shido’s palace in persona 5…………..devastated beyond repair
#the fact that your confidant maxes out with akechi in the final moments of his life#as you tell him you kept his glove and his word#“i was such a fool” top 10 most gut wrenching last words right alongside sayaka miki’s#characters of justice…..characters who pursue their own blind justice and get corrupted along the way……..#you have my heart#the va delivered like the rent was DUE#watching him slowly break down as his sanity chipped away bit by bit in real time was so fucking heartbreaking#“why does someone like you have things i don’t?” stop it before i cry really hard (i did cry very hard)#miserably failed in not crying#if he isn’t alive i’m going to fucking end it all i KNOW he’s alive it couldn’t have ended like this (<- delusion)#p5
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been playing emerald for the first time on and off as of late and RSE Brendan is so different from ORAS Brendan it’s funny like you’re NOT my son who is this bratty kid 😭
#I hate to say it but I wouldn’t have cared for hoennshipping if RSE was my intro to it instead of ORAS 🫢#and that’s saying a lot cause hoennshipping is… literally the reason I draw.#I was so obsessed with dorky neighbor Brendan that I see RSE Brendan with his stupid lowkey 2000’s misogyny and I’m like….. bruh#the fact he says this shit while being dressed with that horrid outfit…..#Ugh I know hyo would kill me for saying all this crap he’s been wanting me to play emerald for ages and I just think it’s ok 🧍🏽♀️#I see emerald and all I can think is “wow Oras was such a good remake actually wtf” and I’m angry it took until BDSP for ppl to admit that#like if it took you until BDSP to realize ORAS isn’t a shitty remake then you don’t deserve ORAS in fact ur a faker Hoenn fan than I am!! /#Anyways I told Lexie and Maple this and Lexie was like “there’s a reason Brendan didn’t rank high until ORAS”#And Maple said “I didn’t even ship them until I met you and you were so passionate about it lmfao”#ORAS fixed Brendan tho maybe I’m exaggerating saying I wouldn’t like yuuharu if I played RSE first when I had a crush on CALEM in HS#CALEM YOUR FRIENDZONE SCENE GAVE ME SO MUCH PTSD I MADE MY SERENA A LESBIAN (nah I made her a lesbian for other reasons)#Ally shut up#Ally speaks words
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it’s late and i don’t know how to put it but ngl with veilguard coming out with the option to be an elf shadow dragon (? i don’t see why not anyway) i’ve got my hopes up to see like. City Elf Culture
like i adore tabris and the city elf origin, they’re fascinating!! but so much of what i’ve seen is like. extremely depressing/enraging What Has Been Lost type things and like. if we’re going to be going around minrathous and freeing people PLEASE say we get to see people adapting and being creative and resilient and growing around their circumstances
DAI took pains to establish that the dalish don’t know everything there is to know about culture and history!! i’m excited to see it what other kinds of regionalism there is, where you HAVE to set aside any claims to authenticity
#so much culture irl has arisen in spite of—and shaped itself around—adversity#solas eat your heart out#the transmission of info and culture and story as an archive not of objective fact but of. emotional truth instead? or smth#bc isn’t that sick as hell. the collocation of tevinter and arlathan#the fine line between these two ancient civilizations.#you are so far away. you have never been so close. got dang#you are alive and confused and you are standing on the bones of your ancestors. you are standing on the bones of your generation too#(i saw the word somniar in both elvhen and tevene and did the leo pointing meme sorry im 10 years late)#dragon age#thinking about a rook who is aware of fenha’rel (theory) but confronted w solas (experience)#and KNOWING that he is That Scary Thing but connecting w who is in front of them (foiled. lonely. dangerous.)
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I keep trying to write an update and then being embarrassed about it and feeling like I’m trauma dumping on people by updating and I just..I know it’s on me to manage my crap, I know. I am trying (not very well but I’m trying) and it’s just…I don’t know. I don’t even know.
#please know i have thought about hospital but hospital would#genuinely make it worse (like I cannot even tell you how much worse)#i think I’m legitimately just…having a trauma reaction on top#of a jewish trauma spike#and dentists and having to move (I may have cleaned till I shook today also my arm#does not look great#i feel like i don’t actually verbally have the words#(i have tried not engaging i have tried engaging they both feel awful)#(hashem i don’t know would you even embrace me would you…)#(it’s not a meds thing (I take meds for mdd and I know what that looks like and this isn’t it)#(it’s hard to explain the difference between CPTSD and like a panic attack or a depression)#(except that I feel like I’m so so tainted and not in my body or if I’m in my body I’m in my body somewhere else#abuse cw#i didn’t ask for this cptsd and no tshirt was offered#this will disappear probably#UGH#(i am seeing my therapist tomorrow i just..i know i need to reach out to)#(to like my current landlords and ask if I could just pay for a cleaning service to come in)#(i know i need to be like ‘unfortunately my CPTSD is Fucking Terrible Right Now and I need)#(just a bit of grace apologies)#(i do not want my parents to know i do not want that)#(aside from the fact that I am already a burden to them anyway)#a stupid flop of a person i am crying thinking about how i had plans for kids and a wife and travel and…I’m nothing#(everyone else is something I’m not I don’t deserve grace lbr)#it keeps running through my head how many people i thought loved me want me dead#and it’s like I can fake it so well#(i don’t know I may be like sending words to people)#to run through the steps of not being alone#i’m truly sorry i am always not taking accountability and playing the victim and clinging to people#to get reassurance i don’t deserve that its a good person it isn’t it isn’t a person
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