#I know a lot of people are angry but I'm just sad
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dollshecraft will be closing "The DollShe Craft website will continue to operate until 2026. The site will be closed once all BJD deliveries are completed, and refunds are processed. All data will be backed up and securely stored."
actually I don't know how I managed to miss that announcement when I saw the one about selling sculpt rights
#dollshe#dollshecraft#bjd#I know a lot of people are angry but I'm just sad#I wanted things to turn around and get fixed even if slowly#he's a great sculptor and he's been around for so long it's not gonna be the same without him
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Faun you can be unhinged on here too have you seen how I post just say shit no one cares
AJHDJ
listen... i care!! i get embarrassed that anyone can see my stuff!!!!!
ok right now i'm copy+pasting a bunch of uhh..... Um. extremely nsfw headcanon rambles aiudhdj into a google docs for safe keeping before everything Burns And Dies
(yes they're almost entirely abt veneziano but not the point)
that is like WOW!!!!!!! embarrassing!!!!!! i have no filter sometimes!!!!! jesus what would i do if the peoples found out how insane i can be!!!!
quotev was different cause you just follow people and they follow you back so you see each other's stuff and then the only way of finding old posts is if you scroll AAALLLLL the way down. but anyone can theoretically see my posts on here at any time and i just get shyyy.
#ask#the-heaminator#also funny is i've realized how different i am w/ my quotev friend group#like not different i'm still me i'm just more unhinged don't hold back my affection nearly as much#they know me. they know i'm just Like That. also i'm known for being such a blabbermouth ahaha.#i was known for never shutting the hell up abt veneziano... but in a more unhinged way than on here...#i'd really say whatever about that guy with little to no shame#on here i worry a lot more??#they've seen Sides of me you guys have not ok. the sad. the angry. the horny. the downright obnoxious. all of it.#i feel like i have to be more presentable on here#put on my suit and tie for the zoom call u know?#i've been slowly opening up but i don't think i'll ever be on the same level of unhinged nonsense#tumblr feels like a house party with people i don't know vs quotev feeling like a get together with friends#and perhaps stranger mike who's a boyfriend someone brought along#who i will eventually become besties with
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you ever miss your comfort character so bad you gotta go outside about it
#idk i've been pretty stressed that's probably why i randomly got rly sad abt it#and by it i mean the uh. gestures vaguely at fandom i guess#either nobody's there or it feels like i'm not exactly welcome. or both! which tough shit i'mma take up the space regardless but like#this weird sense of elitism I get in a space that's built by and nurtured by people whose MO is 'caring a lot' is.. hm.. interesting#idk just got reminded this morning that some people view critique as a free pass to drag a creator through the mud#when what you SHOULD be doing is uplifting them so that they can improve and reach their maximum potential. you clown. you absolute buffoon#it wasn't targeted at me or anything it just made me so angry/sad. smad. i'm smad about it#i just get hit with a wave of what's the point. what's the fucking point nobody cares abt things made with passion for the love of the game#we don't have time/it's not good enough/it doesn't matter/it's been done better/why x when we have y#and you know what fair enough everyone's entitled to their own emotional responses of course.#if you think your opinion is reason enough to tear it down then we're gonna have to agree to disagree on that one i think#just keep in mind that you could have loved what they made. other people could have loved it. it could have changed something for someone.#i personally know artists and have worked with artists who have put so so much effort into making something work over and over and over#only to have no audience and get back up saying guys let's give this just one more try.#hell back in the day I was an accomplished writer kid who was told that you may be good but nobody gives a fuck#artists who use up all these resources just to bring something new into the world and nobody's looking. what's the point. what's the point#anyway. i'm gonna go wade through the snow for a bit maybe sink my bare hands into it you guys want anything#started the post thinkin abt my blorbos ending it crying putting my shoes on alright I'm going I'm GETTING the FRESH AIR fuck off#i'll be god once i've gotten a bottle of coke and some mozzarella sticks. wait am i pmsing. fuck#god i hate that i don't drink sometimes.
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The kind of people Babish's new video has attracted. Jesus fucking Christ.
#theskinwalkerqueenspeaks#binging with babish#babish culinary universe#andrew rea#andrew rea babish#terfs dni#seriously i will fucking fill your nasal cavity with cooking oil#do not touch my gods damn post#cringing with babish#i loved this guy a lot#his channel was a comfort to me#i learned so much about food and cooking from him#he literally doesn't know me so this isn't a personal betrayal thing#i don't have a parasocial relationship with him i don't know him and he doesn't know me#but it still fucking hurts when someone you looked up to turns out to be a shitty person#the news that he took the sponsorship ruined my entire night#i'm just so sad and angry because people i look up to keep turning out to not give a shit about me or my community#sorry for the rant i'm just really upset
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22 isn't very much at all, I think.
#5am rambles#anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps.#you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown?#that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes?#that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old?#im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed.#you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out?#I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt.#i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years.#i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best.#I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out#first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay#cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything.#any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic'#so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden.#i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door.#sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems.#that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too.#ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day.#therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope#i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed.#emotions are so hard to figure out.
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Am I still pretty much on hiatus? Yup. But right now, I need to write something to get the feelings out, SO.
Like this post for a positive paternal starter from one of the many dads I have! That would be: Adama, The Doctor, Goliath, Macbeth, Tom Dupain, Hades, Hank, Kratos, Thor, or Joel.
#✦ General || Starter Call / please specify muse! ✦ The start of something new#[negative tag rant incoming]#[I don't know why I try with my dad sometimes]#['differences of opinion' are for things like 'Apples are better than oranges' not fucking human rights]#[I shouldn't have to BEG my parents to see me as a person and to not actively work against my continued existence]#[sorry; I try not to mention too much when I know this is an escape for a lot of people; I'm just so tired and hurt and sad and ANGRY]#[so time for positive dad interactions]
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#my friend and i broke up#she's still on w the whole 'i have this' malingering and attention seeking behaviour and i tried to be sympathetic but she shut me out#her parents apparently even let her see a psychiatrist (that shit's expensive) and she did but she got a different dx now she's mad#and she doesn't want to see a counsellor. i sent her resources for what she (thought) she had and she won't even look at em#she said it's 'big psychiatry' so she didn't trust it?? i wish i was making this up#the links i sent weren't even affiliated with any doctors or psychiatrists!!#they were literally support links and pages from a reputable site for people with this disorder and pages that helped confirm if you had it#SHE REFUSED TO LOOK AT ANYTHING#SHE ONLY WANTED TO SEE THINGS THAT REINFORCED HER DELUSION#heLLO YOU YOURSELF WANTED TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN BC YOU GOT THE WRONG ANSWER ITS A NO??#i feel like i'm going to be sick i feel horrible#i'm angry and hurt and frustrated and i don't know how to help her outta this so i feel like a useless pos#i'm so done?? done done done#the sad thing is i can't even tell 100 percent if she's actually sure she has something based on super wrong symptoms or#if she's intentionally faking#i just went thru and blocked a lot of blogs too..#because i'm starting to notice a LOT of this on tumblr too and it jumps out like a sore thumb now esp in certain communities#idk if i have it in me to see all these people in the same exact boat whether it's intentional or they actually don't get what's goin on#i'm not using certain community/label tags in my posts anymore and taking em out of my previous posts#mental health cw#rant#vent#tbd#malingering cw#munchausen cw
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sometimes i think of scenarios in my head with my ocs and then sometimes for happy brain i kinda crossover them with my favorite medias atm and also insert myself in bcs i like being self-indulgent and yeah my brain is so fucked up that i just keep repeating the same first bits and can't get far in thinking and i end up just having my s/i ramble my thoughts and it's hard to explain but yeah but anyways it's interesting thinking about who or what my ocs would like in video games or colors or whatever because all my ocs seem to reflect a certain part of me and i can get into the psychology of that but also its hard to explain my thoughts but also anyways yeah i find it interesting thinking about who my ocs would kin
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ��꒱ *·˚#feel free to just ignore me oopsies i am just rambling but yeah i love my ocs so much#sorry besties you are all subject once more to my brainrots and rambles and random thoughts now that i am on tumblr rn#my brain is very interesting to me and the way i think but also i can't properly think in such a way and i find it really hard to explain#and i'm such a mess but also man i don't know and i'm going off-track and god i love vgm so much and i don't want to do homework#but anyways back to the goddamn point !!! so my oc merle. i have little crossover thoughts in my head right and i realize#he's similar with akira and then it makes sense as to why i like characters like akira and it's a little woa fr bcs#the way i imagine merle is really similar to akira actually but with a more purple color scheme (but still dark) and he doesn't wear#glasses (at least. wait. actually. i don't really know anymore) GOD my mind never stops but yeah uhm yeah#i think humans are so unbelievably interesting and it's all just so fascinating and and and#also i've awakened to the fact i really like sharks i think they're very cute! i still prefer dolphins though#people who hurt animals make me really angry and sad... i think about it and already want to cry#i have never had a pet but my grandparents had lots and it's funny how memory works. i forgot they once had a pet turtle#until something in a school group project involved my group involving a pet turtle in our storyline for something#and then i remember that past. my past. once again. and clearly even! and... yeah#but yeah... i know i will never abandon my pet if ever i do get a pet. or pets. i would never do that and i really know this is a fact with#all my heart but what's stopping me from getting a pet is that i need to take better care of myself first and learn how to take care of#pets! i think where i live there's actually an opportunity for me to do so. i'll try to see more about that. and hmm... this is a really#busy year for school. and then the next. and then tbh everything onwards from 2023 so... i don't want to put time to something#i'm not even sure if i can really make time for. but. i think i really do want a pet! a dog esp. but also a cat. but a dog esp#bcs i've always wanted one !! i know when it comes to something i really want i am very dedicated and passionate#like how i already calculated xiv expenses months before actually got the game? and planned how me and lune would do things too#and then because i want to handle money better and take note of all that i yeah and yeah and yeah im tired of typing now BYE#will now disappear again after rambling quite a lot ^__^ maybe? maybe not? who knows!#my thoughts are so. whack. wack? idk. but uhm yeah it went from ocs to sharks to pets to money and idk huh#man w some things i'm really shy about being perceived or asked about. like my ocs. egbhebgjhbjehs ;;;;;#and people being nice to me T__T sorry i rlly appreciate it but i can't really comprehend it and my coping mechanism is avoidance
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The host's friends kinda scare me I'm gonna be honest
#.txt#Jovi 🎤#Or unnerve? Unnerve is probably a better word#Uh. No offense#We don't feel too hot I'm gonna be real#Clem is kinda. I feel like this would constitute as a psychotic breakdown but I don't know if my idea of it is correct#Or accurate or whatever#I was gonna say 'I don't know if I could describe it properly' but I don't know if I should be describing it in the first place#The moods he's circled through havw been 'angry at himself and/or other people' 'small and very very sad' or 'dazed and unaware'#Usually multiple at once though#We stayed home today if that says anything about how bad she's gotten#That wraps up everything I wanted to say I think#She's kind of scared that everyone hates her I don't think me avoiding his friends is helping but uh. What can you do eh#Wow I've talked a lot these tag things have gotten really long#Anyway what was I saying? I dunno just be cautious toward us I guess?#And if any of you do hate us like Clem's worried about you can drop your complaints in the suggestions box up front or somethin I dunno
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i'm actually absolutely and completely okay as long as i don't let a single thought appear in my brain
#sadly i don't have enough distractions to stop it from happening#the last thing i watched was a long long time ago#i picked up a book for the first time in months but i'm redeading the one i read a year ago#i barely talk to people but it's totally understandable because i'm extremely boring and i don't have anything of significance to say#i can't focus on studying because i just can't for some reason#i feel so painfully and incredibly lonely and bored and stupid and sad and jealous and bitter and angry at myself and at my fucking brain#and i don't know what to do with it except just exist and hope that the next day will miraculously be better (it never does)#it's all so awfully pathetic and i don't want to be like this#i wish i were interesting and able to talk and be excited about things and able to study and be happy but i can't and it kinda hurts (a lot)#and it's all my fault and i'm the only one who can make it better but idk how to do this#it feels just so endlessly gray#stupid games on my phone and stupid tiktoks don't actually help but i have nothing else to distract me#how pathetic is this#these were supposed to be the best fucking years of my life#in what fucking alternative universe is this true#i'm so sick of this constant whining and of myself#personal
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I just. I'm exhausted. I have to move heaven and earth to be Understood, even vaguely, by most people, but I try so hard to understand others! And I know part of it is my lack of communication skills! And the empty pit I have where my soul should be! That was just slowly scooped out by life and circumstance and nobody able or willing to be someone whom I could both rely on and Feel Seen when I share my interests with!
But like. It'd sure be nice if the few times I know I'm managing to effectively communicate something people would like. Pick up on the words I'm using and express even the smallest amount of honest curiosity or care about me as a person.
#dragontalk#I'm snappy at my mom a lot bc I've been going blue explaining the same ten concepts for LIKE A DECADE#but like. I'm tired. is it gonna be like this forever?#like. i have friends and acquaintances but except for me best friend who doesn't often have the bandwidth to patiently comfort my ass about#something that's been going on since we were both in middle school/bandwidth to do more than listen to my oc shit but like.#and on top of that I'm relatively picky about who i want to communicate with anyway like.#I'm just tired and sad and idk why my emotions are hitting me like a truck lately but god damn#OH WAIT. I KNOW. IT'S CAUSE I FELT SO EMPTY I WAS LIKE. 'WHERE HAVE MY EMOTIONS GONE?'#and i went looking AND OH. SURPRISE. YOU BURIED THEM CAUSE DEEP DOWN YOU'RE STILL DESPERATELY LONELY#AND FEEL LARGELY UNLOVED/NOT UNDERSTOOD.#i even know there are people who love and care about me but#*angry tears* WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL
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Down the parsed dialogue rabbit hole again, this time looking at Ethel's Vicious Mockery lines for all the characters, and goddamn, they are brutal.
ASTARION You're one thirsty night away from betraying everyone. Deep down, you like being leashed, don't you? Is there still rat stuck in your teeth, slave?
GALE I can smell what's under those bandages, wizard. You're all rot and ruin. Come to greet death early? You'll be a lovely spectacle. Who would be jealous of you, apprentice?
KARLACH Let's pull your strings, infernal puppet. Happy to sell everyone's soul but your own, aren't you? When I'm done, even the Hells won't want you.
LAE'ZEL Your people will never take you back - illithid scum. Do you miss kissing Vlaakith's feet, gith? A toad with a tadpole! How fitting.
MINSC How quaint! The hamster has a pet. Only evil here is what's inside you, ranger. Go rub your rat, soft-skull.
SHADOWHEART You're so far up Shar's cake you can't see straight. Pathetic. Why would Shar love you when no one else does? You're no complex puzzle. Just a sad little girl.
WYLL Do you think losing that eye made you a hero? Oh, look! It's daddy's regret. Fraud of the Frontiers!
DRAGONBORN Aww, where's your clan? Bet they'd exile you for that brainworm in a blink. Bet that honour of yours shatters easy as your scales. You foul-breathed little lizard!
DWARF No flabby dwarf's a threat to me. More beard than brains, the lot of you. Bet you'd trade your friends for a trinket or two, gold-eater!
DWARF (DUERGAR) Bow your head, slave. You remember how, don't you? Grey and useless as a stone comb. I'll squeeze that stone heart until it bleeds, dwarf. Need a new master, illithid lover?
ELF Fancy yourself immortal? We'll see how long that lasts. I'll show you what a true fey does, dearie. Elves are so pretty. Pretty worthless!
ELF (DROW - FEMALE) Filthy underscum! Just another of Lolth's pretty harlots. Slaver. Sadist. How dare you judge me?
ELF (DROW - MALE) Bare your throat, spider-bait. Kneel, boy. Just like the matriarchs taught you to. Bow to your betters, boy.
GNOME Disgusting burrow rat. Bet your clan's happy you're gone! Try laughing after I rip your throat out, gnome.
HALF-ELF I wonder which parent regrets you more, half-breed. How revolting. Another thin-blooded mongrel. Half-elf. Half-human. All useless.
HALF-ELF (DROW) Even the Underdark doesn't want you, half-breed. A half-drow? How grotesque. Surprised you show yourself in public, abomination.
HALF-ORC Come now, tusks-for-brains! Doesn't this make you angry? All that bloodlust. A little tap, and I bet you won't know friend from foe! Lumbering half-orc. Twice as ugly as your parents combined!
HALFLING Come closer, little softie. You'll be tender. A tiny, sweet morsel. Just for me.
HUMAN Another human rat infesting Faerûn. A human! So desperate to be special. Pity. That tadpole actually made you interesting.
TIEFLING I'll burn you alive and everyone will celebrate. You're everyone's punching bag and no one's favourite. I see the Hells spit out another tragic little tiefling.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 dialogue#astarion#gale#wyll#karlach#lae'zel#shadowheart#minsc#(none for jaheira or halsin again; maybe they're just too old for this shit and ethel can't get through to them XD )#bg3 ethel
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"If I was a color, I think I'd be yellow"
"Why?"
"Non-important. I just feel it"
He has never seen yellow the same way again. It was everywhere. He looked for it everywhere. And everytime, without fail, he remembered you. A pretty sunflower. Your blinding smile. A little minion figure he saw on the mall. You crying after watching the latest "Despicable Me" movie (and him laughing at your cute stupid crying face). A silly Winnie the Pooh keychain on a crying child's backpack. You talking to the said sad kid you both saw on the street and trying to cheer them up, playing with them and making sure they were smiling, their worries melting away in the speed of light (you'd make such a great mother, he thinks, making his face grow bright red right after). The sun in all of it's glory. You. You. You. You.
You were like a plague infecting his brain and soul. He couldn't focus on anything anymore because you were always running through his head, the sound of your laugh playing inside his mind 24/7 and driving him half insane. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to ask you why you said to him you were yellow. How did you know? What made you so sure of it? Why you had put him under this spell in which everytime he catches just the smallest and quickest glimpse of yellow, the image of you came flooding his mind and senses? Did you even think about him the same amount of times he thought about you? He didn't know. He couldn't know unless he asked you. And it was not fair. Not fair at all.
"Remember that day you told me you were yellow?"
"Yeah" you said, stopping mid-sip of your milkshake and looking at him with your beautiful a confused face "Yeah, I do. Why?"
"You never gave me an answer to the question I asked you that day" he ignored how the first sentence you said made his heart fluster and his stomach go silly.
"Which question?" How humilliating. He's gonna have to swallow his pride and repeat it. Utterly ridiculous.
"Why?" He couldn't care less about how hurt his ego was right now "Actually, how. How did you know you're yellow?"
"Easy. It's 'cause yellow and purple are opposites, so they look good when put together"
"What?"
"Yellow and purple are on opposite sides of the color wheel, silly! So they're complementary colors and go well together"
"I know that. But what does purple have to do with you being yellow?"
"You remind me of purple"
And suddenly, he realized yellow has never been alone. Next to the beautiful sunflower, there's a bellflower, that looks gloom when compared to the yellow plant, but basks in the joy it seems to bring nonetheless. Just like you are the one to bring joy to his life. Beside the minion figure, there's a figure of those bad purple minions, and while one is considered pretty, funny and nice, the other one is scary, angry and people tend to avoid them. It reminds him of you two: extroverted and kind you and introverted and rude him. Perfect opposites. Perfect together. He hadn't noticed before, but the child's backpack was purple, and this memory was followed by the the sound of the laughs you and the little fella shared. Kids should always be happy, smiling, harmless and having fun. Comfortable. Safe. In that way, you make him feel like a little kid. Your warm embrace, so protective and oh so motherly. He feels relaxed around you. Overjoyed. And even though he doesn't smile a lot, you always seem to make him want to crack a real, big grin. It must be a superpower of yours. Lastly, the sun, always followed by the moon. Even though they don't "meet" often, when they do, they create one of the prettiest phenomena known to humanity: an eclipse. They're always apart, but when they're together, it's so beautiful that the whole world stops to see.
"That's cringy. And kinda stupid."
"No it's not! We're a perfect duo! Just admit it!!"
"'Course we are"
"What did you say? I didn't quite hear you!!"
"I'm not saying it again."
So don't act surprised when your wedding is full of beautiful sunflowers and bellflowers. You should see it coming. They look good together right? Just like you two.
RIN ITOSHI, Kunigami Rensuke, Nagi Seishiro, MICHAEL KAISER, Barou Shohei, SAE ITOSHI, TODOROKI SHOTO, SHINSOU HITOSHI, BAKUGOU KATSUKI, USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI, KAGEYAMA TOBIO, TSUKISHIMA KEI (his name's kanji meaning moon is just so-- perfect fot this fic) , Osamu Miya, Suna Rintarou, MEGUMI FUSHIGURO + any character you think fits this!!
Curiosity!!!: Bellflowers mean "everlasting love and commitment" in flower language, while sunflowers mean steadfast love!!
Masterlist
Wrote this in the middle of my portuguese class. I hate it. I'm in love with him
#blue lock#jujutsu kaisen#haikyuu#bnha#mha#itoshi rin x reader#kunigami x reader#nagi x reader#kaiser x reader#barou x reader#sae x reader#todoroki x reader#bakugou x reader#shinsou x reader#ushijima x reader#kageyama x reader#tsukishima x reader#osamu x reader#megumi x reader#blue lock x reader#mha x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#haikyuu x reader#suna x reader
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remember that
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. But everyone need assurance that they are still loved sometimes. The first time Lando almost slept on a couch blurb
warning: couple fight, angst
It was bad. This time, it was really fucking bad.
After weeks of snarky comments being swallowed in, the "it's fine" line being burned into Lando's ears almost on a daily basis and growing minutes Y/N had to wait before Lando decided to respond to her texts, shit finally hit the fan.
They hadn't seen each other for two weeks now. Inevitable fight broke out right as he crossed the threshold. Postponed dates and forgotten dinners lined up. They couldn't help themselves and put it all on the table. First it was the fact she didn't smile upon seeing him, then it was a reminder that he promised to bring something from Italy and forgot. It went on and on and on. She sat at the dinning table, while he leaned over at the kitchen counter.
"Lando, sometimes it feels like I'm in a relationship with your assistant and not you! For heaven sake, this week I had to call him, once again, when I could not reach you. Do you know how embarrassing it is?" she half-screamed into her hands.
Lando took a breath so deep an average yoga teacher would be jealous. "How am I suppose to be expected to pick up on a race day. You know that I get super busy and distracted."
"Funny how you never were when we started dating," she murmured bitterly.
He had to turn away, couldn't watch his love giving up on him just because they were not in the honeymoon stage anymore. "Yes, but now I'm winning races! Closer to my dream that I've ever been. It's different now."
"I'm glad I met you back then, because obviously you'd not date me if we met now," she couldn't stop those words that rotted in her coming out.
A beat. Maybe it was time to actually break the rule for once and go to sleep angry, because it was getting out of hand. "You know what, that's probably true and it breaks my heart that once I start doing well, you're suddenly not the supporting girlfriend anymore."
A crushing blow. "Tell me how am I suppose to support you if you don't even answer my phone! We used to talk for hours!
"Maybe understand that I can't!"
"I do! But you can't assume that I'll let you push me away completely!"
Lando thew his hands up in desperation. How could she not see it? "I'm coming here to you whenever I have a slightest chance! And I come what? You constantly dragging me through the mud."
"Oh interesting you mention that. How sad that your assistant had to remind you of my sensitive skin before you having him book me an "apology mud massage" when you cancelled on me few weeks ago," se shot, knowing it would hit the target.
"How do you even know that!" he said, unable to comprehend that he did not even control his paid assistant, not mention his own life anyway.
"Well, I talk a lot to you assistant! And he slips up!" It was a weird friendship between people who both wished they could get a little more info out of Lando.
"That's it. I can't deal with this now," he said, with the intention to sleep on the couch for the first time in their relationship. He didn't even know why he chose that action, walking towards their bedroom and dramatically bringing a pillow and a blanket over to the sofa, but if this is what couples did when the fought, there must have been a reason for it.
It absolutely infuriated her. Sparked up something she hoped she'd never feel. "Oh, sleep tight." she spitted with bitter undertone.
"I will!"
//
They walked around each other in silence, him getting ready to sleep on the couch and her cutting her skincare short this time and spending more time debating whether to close the bedroom door as they usually would or leave it open. Just in case.
He could hear her shifting back and forth. It angered him a little bit, since he was the one playing a cruel joke on his already tired muscles.
Thousand things she wanted to say and only one came to her mind in a form of an actual sentence. There goes nothing. "Do you still feel good about this?"
"What?" he whispered, not expecting her to speak to him again before the next day.
"Nevermind, forget I asked."
"About what!" He hated when she did this. If you didn't catch up at the first moment, she did not give you a second chance.
"Do you still feel good about us, being together?" She cursed herself for asking this. Dangerous questions brought up explosive answers. She wished for a reassurance and a rejection. She snuggled deeper into her blanket and turned around to face the door. As if wishing for him to stand there and coming back to her.
Lando hated her question. In fact, it made him furious again. But it was a peace offering, he had already learned that before. "Even here, lying on the bloody couch, because we're fighting...It's the place I wanna be at."
Anxiety kicked in Y/N. "What, you mean like away from me?"
He laughed lightly. She was always thinking the worst. "No, silly. The exact opposite...We could both be at thousand different places at the moment. But we're not. And for me at least, it's because like---I want to be with you. I hate that we'd drifted apart lately. I'd love to be in bed with you, laughing without a care in the world, like we usually do. But, we can't do that now. And yet, I'd rather be left on the couch if I know you're next door than all alone in my bed." His words hit like small drops of rain after a long draught.
She whispered, choosing her words carefully. "You're my twin flame. You make my soul light up in fire, make me feel like I'm the sun. Do you know what my biggest fear is?"
Lando also tuned into sweeter tone, one that was more familiar from days filled with sunshine. "What, my love?"
"That we're gonna burn out. You and me, ending up like an epic love story. The good ones work because they end in tragedy."
"You're always so poetic," he smiled, proud to think he was her love story.
"There is no other way to describe how you'd changed my life. Flipped it upside down the moment you walked into the same room."
Lando chucked. "Yeah, remember that?"
"How could I not."
"You were not having a good day."
Finally, she spoke loudly again. "So, what? Everything was going to shit and the event we were doing had to be perfect before the 'important people' arrived".
"Such an ego boost to know I was your priority before you even met me," he uttered, happy to push her buttons.
"Oh, and you were so cocky! Just laughing around, like we were some sort of comedy sketch."
"Well, I'm sorry, have you heard yourself when you're upset? The way how your voice goes up seven octaves higher?" he laughed, his breath feeling lighter now.
"Coming from you, that's rich! You were giggling in a tone so high the elderly couldn't hear you!"
"I'm so happy I managed to bag the grumpiest person in the building. And bare in mind there must have been around 500 people there."
"980 if you could in staff as well."
He let out a heavy sigh. "You with your pristine memory."
She paused before responding. "Yes. Wish I didn't have that sometimes."
"Wish I had at least a pinch of that."
Silence fell in both rooms. Heavy breath and wondering eyes. The lack of their touch suddenly being more obvious than before. Playing a contest who will reach out first.
"Lando?"
"Yes, my love?"
"Can you back here, please?" she said, somewhat nervously. Lando took a pause. There was nothing he wished for more. It hurt to fight. But he figured a relationship needed that sometimes. As the poets say, you loose a woman when you forget to cherish her. He liked to think this went both ways. And they both started slacking a bit. He could only affect his own behavior, with the hope that she'd also come to the same understanding.
"I'd like nothing more in the world, my love."
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i just... i don't have much to say, but i will say this.
i'm angry. i'm really fucking mad. but while i work on dealing with the anger and sadness and frustration that is bubbling within me, there's also a LOT of gratitude.
liam was a part of a group that became MAGIC. they were MAGIC. they were so much to so many people and he was a part of that. it's because of liam being a part of one direction that everything happened exactly how it did and i somehow ended up here, and i am SO thankful for that. it's because of one direction that i have some of the closest friends i've got in my life. it's because of one direction that i know as much about myself as i do and that i was able to be able to get through some of the hardest times of my life, and he was a part of that.
i want to remember him how i remember him on stage. i want to remember him smiling so big his eyes are mere slits and his mouth open wide laughing. i want to remember IT'S A SNAKE HABITAT TURN AROUND! and the sheer joy that he and the others brought me.
so thank you liam. i'm still mad, and sad, and frustrated, and feeling helpless in a lot of ways. but i'm also really fucking happy to have had felt the effects of the magic you brought into my life.
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Astrology observations - Part 3 (use whole signs)
🎀 For a lot of people with moon in 7th house, their mother had a huge impact on their personality (in a good or bad way). They'll either admire her a lot and try to be more like her or, do their best to not be like her. Their mother usually has a lot of say in who they marry. If the ascendant lord is not strong, then these people completely change after marriage and start to behave in a way in which their spouse would like them to.
🐈⬛Saturn in 9th house people can be really good when it comes to their career, they end up getting promoted earlier than others, but I've noticed that they prefer to work alone. It's like, they create something, but they would like someone else to market and sell it since communication is not their strong suit. Can be very introverted, not the best at taking initiatives, are very prone to undermining themselves.
🎀 moon in 11th house people have a really good relationship with their kids (unless it's debilitated). It doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl, it's the same for both. They're the parents who have a very "chill" relationship with their kids, their kids trust them a lot, treat them as a friend. All my friends who have a great and healthy relationship with their parents, 85% of those parents had moon in 11th.
🐈⬛ Mars in 5th house people have such an "interesting" dating life; love triangles, friends with benefits, they've (or will) experienced it all. The people to say "it's complicated" when you ask them about their love life. But I've also seen that these people are very accepting of other people's dating preferences, this is one of the things that I really admire about them, this can result in them having a very diverse group of friends.
🎀 Jupiter aspecting ascendant/midheaven is one of the best placements that you could possibly have. I was going through celebrities' charts and I noticed that the ones who were exceptionally popular or rich had this like 90% of the time. With opposition and square it can indicate that people hate you at first, but then some info comes out and suddenly everyone loves you, but you gotta go through the hate first. Conjunction can go either way depending on the sign.
🐈⬛ Saturn in 4th house women have my full respect, like, these people go through so much shit in their life and yet they're so hardworking and never give up. Their mother was probably their worst enemy growing up. If you know someone who has this, give them a hug, they're carrying so much burden, and yet they never show it. You'll never hear these people complaining about life, have a very, "it's okay, problems come and go, you can't be sad all the time" mentality.
🎀 Sun in 1st house people make me so angry, I don't get along with them. They have such a shitty personality, and always wanna fight for absolutely no reason. Start a beef out of nowhere, but they are so fucking good at their job, that's actually what makes me hate them more. My class representative has this, and she's such a bitch, but she's so responsible, it breaks my fucking heart, can't even complain 😔
🐈⬛ Mercury in 11th house people have unmatched Rizz, will charm the pants off you (unless it's debilitated). I'm so jealous of people who have this. I know people with this, who are not conventionally attractive but their charm is what makes people like them. I never knew what it meant to be attracted to someone's personality until I met someone who had this. (I know this sounds like a backhanded compliment, but it's really not)
🎀 I have never in my life met a moon in 8th house person who was like....okay. these people will have a mental breakdown almost every week. Can't take criticism AT ALL. I have seen that people with this have a tendency to date whoever they see once they break up, just to show their ex how "wanted" they are, and it's not healthy because a lot of their hook ups have bad intentions. Have a habit of playing the victim "everyone bullies me 🥺" "I have the hardest life" and blah blah. On a positive note, they can handle fame really well because of their ability to manipulate people, once you get in their trap and start liking them, you'll never be able to hate them.
🐈⬛ I never see people talking about how smart Venus in 3rd house people are. I'm always so amazed by the way they carry conversations. A lot of women who have won beauty paegents have this because of how nice their answers were. A lot of young politicians have this as well. Their juniors often look up to them.
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