#I know I caused all the problems but I just want them to be happy again

[essektheylyss]

My thing about Veth potentially venturing into polyamory is that I do think everyone involved would be perfectly fine with it and happy to help her experiment, and I think that no matter how they do it, it would not fix her. This isn't to say that she wouldn't get any benefit out of trying! It's just to say that it's not a solution to her actual problem, because I genuinely don't think the problem is that she's lacking any one thing that would make her life complete.

Fundamentally, I think Veth struggles with the idea that there will come a point at which she has to settle. Not in a bad way, just in the sense that she is one person with one life and she will have to live within those bounds. Because the thing is, I don't really think her issue ends at struggling to "have it all"; to an extent she does! She is a good parent, even if her kid is a little rebellious; her marriage is supportive (and has fun sex); she gets to go off to save the world with Yeza's blessing on occasion, when the world needs saving. She doesn't have all of these things all the time, but... that's not really a flaw, that's just a fact of life.

But she started out her adult life settling to an extent—even if she loved Yeza and loved being Luc's mom, she did the safe thing that was expected of her. The goblin attack and everything that transpired after shoved her out of that life, but in retrospect, to an extent it likely feels that that pushed her to find something more that she wouldn't have had otherwise. Being pushed to her limit under the worst conditions made her better, stronger, braver, and at the end of it she found that she could have both her original life and much of her new life—so why wouldn't she then wonder if further experiences of that ilk could do the same?

Crucially, she has not actually run up against a hard limit yet, and as such she hasn't had reason to believe that there is a point at which she has to stop and recognize that there isn't more for her to find. When she was drinking more heavily during missions, even when it caused the death of herself or others, there were no long-term consequences. And the thing is, I'm not saying that she should face that kind of major consequence, but she seems as though she is scared to accept that maybe she could be happy if she stopped before she does.

I'm also not suggesting that she should stop experimenting or trying new things—the Luxon knows I am not one to talk in that realm—but I do think she is searching for novelty not because that would make her happy, but because she doesn't believe that she has the capacity to know what would make her happy. She was unaware that polyamory was even an option, so think of what else she might not be aware of! She doesn't have perfect knowledge of the world, after all, so how can she trust that she's found what she really wants? So yeah, she could fuck someone else, and it might even be an enjoyable experience that she didn't know was missing! But that only prolongs the question of what else she might be missing.

I think that deep down, she's terrified that if she doesn't keep pushing until that external hard limit, she will end up with regrets later, and simultaneously she is resentful that her friends all seem to have reached a point where they are largely content with what they have, because she wants them to have everything. She wants herself to have everything. And she has not yet allowed herself to come to terms with the fact that only she can determine when the everything of what she already has is enough, and anything else is the cherry on top.

[kastighur]

← back. ᝰ.ᐟ i’ll wait for you.

𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃 homicipher. mr. crawling. angst ( i tried ). gn! reader // wc : 681

standing in front of the elevator doors, the human turned towards the crawling entity. staring at him with a solemn gaze as they knew what was bound to happen. though it didn’t look like he did.

“ thank you. “

you told him with a smile, one that was trying to hide the ever growing pain that spread throughout your chest.

“ …you go ? “

he asked and you confirmed it.

“ go together ! “

mr. crawling eagerly replied, moving slightly closer in preparation to enter the elevator with you.

it wasn’t that you didn’t want him to follow you, in fact, his presence would brighten up your lonely lifestyle in that dull apartment. but there were factors that needed to be considered.

firstly, how were you supposed to provide for both of you ? your space was barely enough for one, and if a 8ft ghost was added it was surely going to cramp up the area.

secondly, could he even survive in your world ? what would happen if other humans saw him ? if someone called the cops they would definitely find out about the late night activities you’ve been committing. plus if someone saw that he had skin for eyes….

of course, there were other problems at play but it would take too long to list them all.

with a heavy sigh, you kneeled down.

“ me go, one. “

his smile slowly disappeared.

“ one…? “

his typical bubbly booming tone in his voice now soft and flat.

“ me sad. “

to say your heart hurt was an understatement. it was the kind of pain that made you understand what a heartbreak truly felt like.

“ me wait for you ! “

he offered, beaming once again. he understood that you had a life before landing here. since the beginning he had been helping you find this very exit, and you made it ! he was happy for you but he didn’t understand that you would be gone forever. in his mind you would go through those doors and appear at that same spot where he found you.

“ you go ! me wait ! “

it’s been a while since you’ve felt that sting in your eyes.

“ oh mr. crawling.. “

you whispered in your own language, he tilted his head in confusion but he knew that you’d called him. having heard those two words a few times.

“ hurt ? pain ? “

he quickly asked, reaching out to check your head for injuries and doing a quick scan over your body.

you had to leave before your heart told you to stay. so you stood up and forced a smile.

“ thank you, goodbye. “

mr. crawling stared, then smiled, holding a hand up in an attempt to wave.

“ goodbye. “

the elevator doors opened, you let out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding in. you caught one last glimpse of mr. crawling before the doors whirred and finally closed.

mr. crawling waited and waited. he would just sit there and stare at those elevator doors which he last saw you. every few hours he would make his way back to where he found you first.

out of desperation he would search around. inside boxes, behind walls and such. maybe you were hiding just like last time.

every whir and creak that emitted would cause him to snap his head up filling him with hope. mr. silvair saw him smiling at the lift once and asked why, mr. crawling replied that you were finally coming back... but hours and hours passed and nothing happened.

usually, he would find a cramped area that he could squeeze into for comfort when he’s upset ( like a little meow meow ). now, he couldn’t bring himself to leave his spot. afraid that if he left and you returned, you would leave again, upset because he broke his promise of waiting for you.

mr. hood stumbled upon the scene once, seeing an ever growing collection of crowbars, wedding dresses, raincoats and…ears..? scattered across the ground.

a long time would pass before mr. crawling would finally break. his whines and whimpers echoing the quiet halls, at one point even trying to pry open the elevator doors.

“ miss you… come back… please. “

> wanted to try angst, but i lowk hate this one. maybe pt.2 where you come back ? idk.

© @kastighur

[senmiyaazx]

Can you do reader that has SH scars or Them finding out that reader SH's

With Sol & Hyugo..!

But it's ok if you don't do it since its a sensitive topic!

tw: sensitive topics, self harm

a/n: can't decide which format i want to use for these kind of requests. thank you for the request <3

important note: if you're struggling with sh, please tell someone you trust or seek help. i do not know you, but i know that you are not alone in this. i hope things get better for everyone who's reading this:)

SOL:

Reader still does sh:

Oh, he's worried. Extremely worried. How could he not notice all this time? How could he not notice his darling was in pain? He feels horrible. Whether he discovers it accidentally or not, rest assured he won't pressure you into anything. He'll listen to your story and problems when you're comfortable and ready. He'll pull you into a hug while holding back tears. He's been through some shit and he knows how it feels. But he never wants to see it happen to you. If you're doing this because of someone, Sol will make sure they're taken care of. You don't have to worry <3 If it's because of something else and more personal, it's okay. He'll be with you till the end of time. From now on, he makes it his mission to watch over you more closely whenever he can, no matter how unethical. He's more subtle this time, though. He doesn't need you stressing even more.

He's still worried. And also a little upset. That was from a long time, wasn't it? You didn't know him back then. He wonders if he could've comforted you out of it, held you in his arms while you weeped. If only he could turn back time... Alas, there's other things to worry about. He's glad to hear that you're recovering, and you promised to never do it again. He'll help you on your journey. Sol isn't the most mentally stable himself, so I don't think he'll be much help either lol but for you? He's searching and making lists of healthy coping mechanisms he can give you. Thinks your scars are beautiful. He hated how it was made, but now it has faded and all that remains is the symbol of your strength and the fact you've made it this far despite being in an extremely tough situation. He'll kiss you on the forehead and tell you how proud he is. How happy he is.

Reader has sh scars (recovering):

HYUGO:

Reader still does sh:

He's very mysterious. I find it hard to write for him. Hyugo feels a mix of emotions wash over him when he discovers it. Shock, sadness and anger. Shocked, because like Sol, he couldn't believe he didn't notice anything until now. Sadness, because he couldn't imagine the pain you went through to resort to such thing. Anger, at himself and anyone or anything that caused you pain. He knows he can't use jokes or happy things to lighten up the mood like he usually does. Instead, he gently guides you to his arms and wraps you in a warm embrace. He'll whisper comforting words while you tell him things that have bothered you and asked you to promise him you'll never hurt yourself again and in return, he'll help you heal. You're hesitant. You didn't want to feel indebted to him, but he insisted. His determination made you embarrassed so you agreed. Since then, he's been extra caring (but not overbearing) to you and made sure to check in on you every chance he gets. If somehow he doesn't get to see you for the entire day, he'll call you in the middle of the night to ask about your day and it ends up being a long session of late night talks. Or he could just knock on your door and you'd let him in anyway. He knows he can't entirely prevent bad things from happening, but he can help lessen it for you. He'll be your sunshine, where you'll never feel miserable again under his bright smile. Of course, you do the same for him. You help each other out in your own ways eventually

Reader has sh scars (recovering):

When he first saw it, he didn't overreact or give a strong reaction. He smiles softly and grabs your hand, praising you for getting through your problems and even start to recover. It's something not many people are strong enough to do especially in your situation, but you did. And he makes sure to emphasize that. You guys end up sharing each other's experiences and stories (mostly you, he's still secretive and doesn't want to reveal anything bad) and find things you two relate to. He's overall a chill guy to have around. He won't make a big deal out of it if you don't and it's honestly really comforting. You don't notice it but he's secretly a little more cautious and gentle with you. He makes sure nothing hurts you again.

[cursedextrovert]

People comparing CaitVi dynamic season 1 and 2, are we watching two different shows or y'all just forgot what happened in the middle. There was literally a war going on, Cait's mom fucking died like are they just gonna be lovey dovey with all these politics going on? And then one moment they leave everything to just be with each other in that jail cell you are also mad like wdyw?

Also people who say their sex scene is not necessary and/or a bad representation.

Firstly, JayceMel also got a sex scene in season 1 so its not like they invented sex just for these two lesbians.

Secondly, they didnt just fuck. Vi was beating herself up thinking she made the wrong decision and fucking things up like always and Cait told her that she actually let the guards go so Vi can do that exact thing she wanted. Ultimately saying a) she trusted Vi when she said Jinx has changed and wanted Vi to let the girl out b) she wanted Vi to be happy more than she wanted revenge even tho just some months ago she was the opposite.

Thirdly, we see the detail, Cait hesitates when she sees the bandage where she used to hit Vi. We see Cait taking off her clothes and showing her all, being vulnerable because Vi deserves that much from her.

Fuck. I get it, ok? This is a rare time we got a wlw relationship where both are main characters, and in a big show like this so you want it to be perfect and deprive of all flaws. But wouldnt you rather have two well-written characters where they relationship is tangled with the core of who they are than just a wlw couple with no conflict, no personal development no nothing? Hows that a good representation? Their relationship doesnt solve the conflict between them and their politics but is the reason why they were intertwined in the first place.

And dont come at me about systematic problems as well like Im a poc myself living in a white country and a sociology graduate. I understand Caitlyn did terrible things and is a war criminal herself with how she stands aside letting Ambessa did the thing she did and for gasing Zaun just to seek revenge. But she, just like everyone is a product of her sociocultural surroundings, shes a human affected by their beliefs and emotions. Isnt that the point of the show?

I dont think she got her happy ending just because she lives, I think being alive is her purnishment. She has her whole life to make up for what she did and I believe she will. What other fate you think she deserves? Her death will not undo her crimes, so is prison, they will also prevent her from actually fixing what she caused and ultimately using her priviledge for good(which shes doing, you can read my post about it). And Im not about to start the whole ethic debate on prison. How does one define a purnishment worthy? How do one define what a person deserves?

Finally, you know who else was a war criminal and walked away with what he wanted? Singed. Reality is like that, not black and white. People dont get what we think they deserve, ever.

[ezziedoodles]

Why Season 2 Of Arcane Felt A Little Off

Let me preface this by saying I adore this show, and I loved this season. I laughed, I cried, and I had a good time watching it. The art direction and animation is a masterpiece. This is probably my favorite show, but I think it's good to critique the things you love and this entire season I felt like I was waiting for something.

For a show titled Arcane, season one had remarkably little to do with the arcane. Yes, there was Hextech and magic, but the show was centered on this class divide between Piltover and Zaun and all the conflicts that stem from this. The very first scene of the show is enforcers killing citizens on the bridge, with Powder and Vi finding their dead parents' bodies. Zilco's reasoning for doing anything he did was because he believed he was helping Zaun, including raising Jinx the way he did. Vi was so passionate about her city and the injustice facing it. Caitlyn witnessing this injustice is what causes her to question the systems she is a part of. Viktor and Jayce (but especially Viktor) created technology with the intention of wanting to improve life for the undercity. Ekko is a revolutionary doing so much to give his people a community and a chance to live their lives. My point is literally every single character is connected by this conflict between the cities.

Now let's take a look at the second season. Where is this part of the story that was so essential to the first season? There's a brief revolutionary beat with Jinx and her followers but once they escape from prison, the show moves on from this and never touches it again. We see Caitlyn's descent into corrupt madness, becoming everything she and Vi wanted to stop. Eventually she realizes how wrong she was but do we see her make any reparations to Zaun specifically for the damage she caused? She gassed the city, poisoning the air even further (with gas that has been confirmed to make people sick in the long run), harming hundreds of innocent people. And Vi, a character so vehemently against enforcers in the first season, goes along with this for how long? Days? Weeks? And only stops when she can visually see the impact of Caitlyn's madness as she almost kills a child in front of her. These characters are flawed and I love that, but we see them get their happy ending without ever truly addressing or helping with what they did to Zaun.

Ekko sees an alternate universe of everything his city could be, everything they all wanted so badly in the first season. Equality, safety, education, food security, and more. He says he is thankful for the reminder and I fully believe he will go forth with this vision in mind, but do we ever see it? And that right there is the problem. We don't know what happens to Zaun in the end, we don't know if things get better. All we see is Sevika on the council but we don't know if that will fix anything since people have stood up for the undercity in council before and it did nothing.

I want to see Ekko rally his people and repair the damage caused by the war. I want to see Vi open up the last drop and make it what it was always meant to be, a place of community. I want to see schools open in the undercity in honor of Viktor and Jayce. I want to see the two cities heal from the damage done to each other. Fuck it, I just want literally any closure on this plotline! Just tack on a 2 minute montage of what happened to this city after the war and I'd feel a little better. But instead this part of the story was completely sidelined throughout the season and ignored entirely in the finale. I'm not someone that thinks every story needs to have a moral, but this show was trying to tell us something! The first season was screaming from the rooftops to beware of privilege, beware systemic oppression, to fight inequality, and I find it really sad that there was no conclusion for that.

I do wish there had been three seasons to give it a smoother transition form politics to magic but it is what it is. Nothing is perfect. This season gave me so much including the best depiction of soulmates I've ever seen in my life so you win some you lose some ig.

[uroboros55]

so hey hi, i present to you the shortest cartetgigi fic, sb in carlos discord joked about caco waiting for the trio to finish kissing so they could take the pic with fire extinguisher and here we are now...

pls caco we are still waiting for the pic

Caco is going to kill his cousin.

Just straight up go to him and kill him. His uncle will understand why Caco did it, and so will his aunt. They know how dealing with Carlos Jr. is.

Caco loves his cousin. He and Carletes were brought up together, and they were always close to each other in a way only two boys surrounded by a sea of sisters can be. Carlos always supported Caco, and Caco did the same to his cousin, even when Carlos did not believe in himself as much as his family did.

Carletes was always like a younger brother to Caco. He was always the small thing close to Caco and his friends, who wanted to feel included. Caco still remembers how some of the boys made fun of how close he was to his cousin, how they tried to make fun of Carlos, or take his kindness and use it to their advantage. Caco made sure they were no longer close to his family. He has always been protective of Carlos, and it did not change even when they grew up and Carletes started to be his own person and made his place in Formula 1.

Caco still remembers when his uncle sat him down while Carletes was still a scrawny kid, fighting in go-karts, and told him how other kids made fun of him and used Carlos's kindness to push him off. His uncle, the El Matador in the family, asks his teenage nephew to look out for his younger cousin. Caco just puffed at that, already looking out for his brother. He never stopped doing that. He was there for him during the happy times, and the bad times, he hugged and picked him up after each time, he fought for him during Toro Rosso days, and in that Renault, he made sure that McLaren was ready for Carlos, and he made sure that Ferrari deal was good to go before Carlos signed the contract. He also picked his cousin up when they had to go from Ferrari to Williams, not losing the optimist and trying to make sure Carlos would get a place he could stay for longer.

But right now, he wants to kill Carlos. He is pretty sure he could do it without anyone noticing.

Despite the p3, Caco is pissed. At the race, the clownery the red team did, at Charles for acting like a crybaby, at the media, and at the fans for only talking about the drama. He has spent at least an hour talking with the social media team, trying to control the damage, he sat down with Silvia and decided what to do to let fans know that yes C2 is okay and still good. He had to listen to Fred talk with his French accent and act like he cares about the red team, cause Carlos never burns bridges, even though Caco had some ideas on how to destroy Ferrari before they go to Williams.

He did all that while Carlos hid in his driver’s room with his fucking boyfriends.

And not, the fact that he has a boyfriend is not a problem, neither is the fact that it’s not one but two. The problem is that Caco did all he had to do, and he wants his fricking photo with the fire extinguisher. And he cannot do that while Carlos and the trophy and half of their team are gone.

Caco did call the three of them a few times and left a bunch of angry messages in the group chat and in private chats. He learned his lesson a long time ago when he got into the room to see Carlos getting freaky with his partners. He loves his cousin but even he has his limits. And seeing Carlos like that is a big fat no from Caco.

He knows Teto from Carlos's karting days. One of the few of those scrawny kids who never took advantage of Carlos, instead making sure Carlos was okay and that he knew he had someone on the track who had his back. Carlos's calm is the opposite of Teto’s fire, the way he is always ready to protect his close one. The way Carlos is always diplomatic and tries to mediate contrasts with how unapologetic loud and passionate Teto is. Teto never forgets somebody who did something wrong to Carlos, and he might be one of the few people outside of the Sainz family that Caco trusts 100%. It was no surprise when Teto and Carlos finally got how much they wanted to be together and figured it out.

Carlos was smitten from the first time he saw Teto, but it took them almost 10 years to figure it out. Even longer to act on his feelings, to allow himself to have it while still being in Formula 1, in the spotlight, when one bad move could end his career.

And Caco was ready for the moment when somebody tried to make use of that fact about Carlos and Teto, about their love. He was ready to fight and bite and make sure his cousin and Teto would be alright even if they wouldn’t come out on their own terms.

And Caco likes Teto. He likes how Carlos is happy with him, and how he makes sure Carlos has his support system outside of the Sainz family. How he knows Carlos so well he just knows what to do even before Carlos asks for it.

So, when he sees the longing looks between his cousin and the new trainer he got when Rupert changed his teams, Caco is a little bit shocked. He knows that Teto and Carlos are going strong, that they are still very much in love if the amount of times Teto is around anything to go by. But the way Carlos looks at Pierluigi, the way the trainer's hands tend to rest on Carlos makes Caco feel uneasy.

So, he says something.

“I hope you know what you are doing,” he says to Carlos, while the two of them sit in the villa in Mallorca. Most of the Sainz family went to bed, and Caco and Carlos still sitting outside, the dogs asleep close to them.

“Hm?” asks Carlos, not really following what Caco is talking about. He looks a little bit like that kid that used to follow Caco around, with the old Senior shirt on, in swim trunks still on him, shoes long forgotten. If Caco thinks hard enough he can hear his mom and aunt Reyes screaming at Carlos to wear some flip-flops and stop bringing dirt into their house. Mallorca makes Carlos look softer like he is still a child, maybe a teenager, and not a 30-year-old man.

 “I get that Gigi is a good guy. A great one even. For fuck’s sake he is going with us to Williams. But he is no Teto, remember Carletes,” says Caco, taking a sip from his beer. It’s a little too warm for his taste, but he won’t complain now.

Carlos does not answer for a while. He plays with the label on his bottle, the tick he had ever since he started drinking. Caco is pretty sure he won’t reply when he finally hears his cousin's calm voice.

“It’s not like that with Gigi,” he starts, still not looking up from his bottle. “Me and Teto… we would never do anything to hurt each other. You know it. I love him. But I also love Gigi. And Gigi loves me back. And even before all of that happened, it was Teto who brought it up. He was the one who talked with both of us. And I was so afraid of all of it, that I would wake up one day and both of them would leave me or tell me that I’m disgusting that I cannot choose, and why can’t I be normal. I always thought that something was wrong with me you know this.”

Caco is speechless. He lets Carlos speak.

“But we talked. And they are both happy with our case. They do not think I'm disgusting or that I am some kind of freak. And they are so good to me, and I think I might love both of them and I need you Caco to be okay with it cause I'm not going to leave them or just pretend I don’t love them and I'm sorry,” and while Carlos speaks, he is breathing louder and louder, and Caco knows he is close to crying. His little cousin was always way too gentle for the world. Never learned how to bite. But he was also never afraid to be himself.

So Caco does the only thing he can do. He gets closer to Carlos, hugs him, and kisses his big ass forehead. Carlos hugs him back and cries quietly on his shoulder. It’s not a happy cry, more like a cleansing one, Caco can feel the tension leaving Carlos's shoulder while he sobs.

And when they go back to the real world, Carlos is acting more… freely. He lets himself blush and smile around both Gigi and Teto, he seems to smile more and spends more and more time on his bike and going out, instead of sitting at home, trying to forget that he will be at the back of the grid next year.

And Caco can see how both Gigi and Teto take care of Carlos. In how gentle Gigi is with him, and how Teto always makes sure Carlos is not too much in his head. How Gigi hugs him even more than ever, knowing how much Carlos depends on the physical touch. And how Teto makes Carlos laugh so much. How both of them are working like a well-oiled machine to make sure Carlos is okay.

Unfortunately, that little shit, who sometimes is called Caco’s cousin has gotten way too comfortable. Caco has lost count of how many times has he found Carlos with either of his partners in compromising positions, or even worse with both of them. Once he was let into Carlos's room by Teto while Gigi and Carlos were taking a shower. Caco still shudders when he remembers that.

He even posts on his social media that the long-awaited photo is a work in progress before calling Carlos for the 2194399494 times since he went with Gigi and Teto. He does not pick up, and Caco is getting ready to go and see whatever is going on in Carlos's room when finally, he sees Teto around the corner. Soon after he follows Gigi and Carlos.

For fuck’s sake. Carlos looks like got fucked all the way to Friday. His hair is disheveled, and his big lips look even bigger and redder like somebody spent a long time biting them. He also has a shirt that not only is on the left side but also does not look like Carlos's shirt at all. Caco is pretty sure it's Gigi’s, given how loose it's in the bicep. And that dopy look on his face, like he already forgot about the shit show that has been this race.

Gigi’s hair is also tousled, but at least he looks presentable. The same could be said about Teto’s whose hair looks as good as ever (Caco is a little bit salty about it. He mostly has gray hair by now, while Teto’s lion's mane is still as glorious as ever).

“Fucking finally, I have been calling for at least half an hour,” exclaims Caco, putting the phone in his pocket. “We need to make the photo and then finally go, vamos!”

When his cousin finally passes him, Caco can see the big hickeys no makeup or clothing will hide. His neck looks like he was attacked by wild animals.

Caco will kill his cousin.

[mar3ggiata]

professional help, finale. All's well what ends well.

simon riley x original character.

'Nothing's gonna hurt you, not while I'm around.'

'You know, I still think about that day a lot.'

'You do?'

He shifted beside her, making the covers shuffle and move on her body. He grabbed the hem of the sheet, pulling it on her naked shoulders, he knew she was always cold in the morning.

'Sometimes.'

She kept her eyes closed, she was still sleepy, and at the same time she didn't really want to remember. The fact that he still thought about that time frightened her. It was guilt, what she felt. He pulled a hair from the pillow, a long blonde curl, 'This yours…' He felt her cold feet trying to fit in the space between his calves, he welcomed them to warm them up.

Me and Simon never went on that date. I'm Alba, by the way. Me and Simon never went on that date, after the bar or whatever. A lot has changed since then and we really just forgot about it. You best believe we had other problems. If everything happens for a reason, I sometimes still struggle to see it. I lost everything. I lost everything and I don't know what I gained. Well, that's wrong, Simon's what I gained. Simon is all I have. I look back at who I was when this mess started, hell, I look back at who I was when I got my job as a therapist and I just… I don't recognise myself. Sometimes I envy the times when I was so clueless. Life's more painless for the brainless. Sometimes I even wish I could go back. Simon is the only real reason why I choose to stay. Simon is the reason why it all went to shit, really. Me and him, we played a pivotal role in each others lives, his life changed too when he met me. And when, well, the whole thing went down. The beginning of the end. Here's what happened that night.

We drank some more, I was tipsy and so was everyone. It was nearly two in the morning when Roman offered me a ride home. Truth be told, I don't really remember what I said, I have very little memories of that part of the night. I think I might have looked at Simon, who asked me if I needed a ride, if I drove there, to which I said no, that I was gonna get a cab. He spoke to me like the others weren't there, he spoke in a protective way. No way he was gonna let me get a cab, or go home with Roman for that matter. He claimed me. Roman didn't insist when I told him I was with Simon. We left together, as everyone suspected. They had been saying it since he walked in, they're gonna go home together. Nothing happened, if that's what you're thinking. I was way too drunk and he was respectful. He walked me to my door and said hi to the dog. I thanked him for the ride and he looked at me with those gentle, deep, brown eyes I love so much. He said to sleep tight, with a confidence he didn't have within himself at the bar. It made me giggle and I almost invited him to come inside and spend the night. I'm kinda glad I didn't.

'I don't like that you bring that up', she murmured, she turned her back to him, rolling to her side and hugging the pillow under her head. Embarrassed. He sighed, 'Why, cause you know you messed up?' She felt burning in her chest. She felt his arm, firmly wrapping around her waist, was like poison. A trap. She tried to resist his force, he pulled her towards him, his chest against her back, both arms around her to keep her in his warm embrace. One of his legs swung on her to keep her from escaping him, he was always afraid she wanted to run away from him. Even if he woke up beside her every day.

He told me everything that happened and how things went not long ago, I waited a year to know, maybe more. Again, a lot has happened, so we forgot about some parts of our story. He told me how happy he was and how weird he felt that night, driving to base. Good things didn't really happen to people like him, and I was a good thing. I was good, I treated him like he was good. He drove to base, went to bed and thought about me all night. He thought about our date, the dress I was going to wear, my eyes, my neck, the skin of my hands. He thought of us eating, talking, maybe bringing Jinx along with us. He fell asleep wondering where to go with me, he hoped to dream about me in his bed. Silly.

She huffed and whined at him, trying to free herself from his grasp. 'Where you going?' He whispered and she scratched his arm. 'You're always wrong.' She commented. They had that talk a million times, he never failed to make her feel miserable. 'You're selfish.' He pinned her down in a swift motion, his body on top of hers, one hand brushing her hair away from her face. Her breasts were pressed against his chest, out of habit, she had spread her legs to welcome him. Her feet rested on his calves. 'I'm selfish because I love you'. He nuzzled his face in the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent. She circled his shoulders with her arms. 'You would have done the same thing, if not worse.' She pushed him back away from her, her hands pressed as firmly as she could on his pecs. He was smiling.

The day after, he woke up groggy from the alcohol. He told me he couldn't be bothered with the briefing for the next mission and debated skipping it. His mind was somewhere else. Little did he know. Ruining his mood, that is the thing I'm most sorry for. I like my man happy. He sat down in a room full of soldiers, Price in front of them, his computer screen projected in the wall like he had prepared some kind of presentation. He told me the captain looked tense, or rather sad. It was a day he never really thought would come, he had news he didn't really want to share, or believe. Seeing him like this, made his heartbeat increase, he started to sweat. Something was going on.

'I would have done worse, yes…' His words were spoken into her cheek, he left a trail of wet kisses on her jawline, making her sigh loudly, her legs firmly wrapped around his waist '…you broke my heart.' She scoffed and let her hand travel down his back, scratching the skin of his lumbar muscles, 'So dramatic…' He cradled her face with his hands, forcing her to look at him. He liked teasing her about that time, and he knew how bad she felt. It was cause he craved reassurance that she would never do anything like it, ever again.

'Sit down, please.' He felt his palms sweaty, he felt a sense of discomfort. 'We had a…', even the captain, he was struggling to find the words, he looked unease. What in the world was going on…

'We're talking mafia. Uhm… Italian mafia, from Naples. It's called Camorra, I believe.' He stopped to check some papers, 'Laswell and Shepherd have been keeping an eye on a specific clan from over there, they're dealing with prostitution and drug trafficking.' He sighed. This was no normal mission. He tuned towards his laptop, an image appeared on the wall behind the captain. A woman, in her fifties. She had blonde hair, she wore glasses, she had a stern and serious expression on her face. In the picture, she looked out a window into a busy street. She had blue eyes and a roman nose. 'This is Tania Dalla Rocca, she runs the Dalla Rocca family. In Italy, especially in the south, they have very patriarchal families, but her husband, the ex leader, died in prison. She's been in control of the business for over twenty years.' He went back to the laptop and a new image appeared. A man, maybe his age, a dark brown buzzcut. 'This is Carmine Caserano, he runs the opposing clan. They've been fighting with the Della Roccas for decades, over businesses, neighbourhoods… They're eternal enemies.' He cleared his voice. Simon began to feel a stinging pain in his left temple. 'We're in charge of dismantling both families, essentially.' He let his eyes wander inside the room and Simon could swear he let his gaze linger on him for a few seconds. Pitiful. I'm sorry, son. 'They've been in contact with Italian-American immigrants for a while and the situation is escalating quickly, they're terrorising citizens, we're gonna work with Italian special forces in Naples and try to solve the situation.' '

'What situation?' someone asked. He could not turn his head to look at who spoke, he was frozen in his chair.

'So… someone in the Dalla Rocca family is responsible for a… an accident, back in 2013. Explosives inside a car. One of the Caseranos died.' He was about to click on the laptop again, but stopped. 'The Caseranos, the other family, is moving for revenge, they want control over the territory, sure, but more than anything they want revenge. Many innocent lives are at stake.'

'So, are we protecting the other family? And the terrorist?'

Price shook his head. 'No one is worth protecting. No one is innocent over there. It's incarceration or death, for all of them. And the… terrorist, what she is is a terrorist, is someone many of you know, I'm afraid.'

Her eyelashes fluttered, a small whimper escaping from her parted lips. 'You broke my heart, Eva', he murmured into her mouth, he licked her lower lip, feeling her soft hand cupping his cheek. She replied by taking his face in her hands and kissing him softly, pulling him down towards her.

A click of the keyboard, a new picture appeared on the wall. As he leaned foreword, to better see the image, the ringing in his ears was becoming almost painful. He didn't need to lean in, he could see me perfectly. A young Jude was painted in the wall behind Price. My eyes, my mouth, the bridge of my nose, it was definitely me, younger and angrier. 'She's not even 18 in this picture'. Price's voice mixed with the murmuring and chatting of Simon's colleagues, who had recognised the girl on the screen. The terrorist.

She brushed her thumb over his lower lip, he kissed her hand and then her mouth again. His arms kept her still, his hand pressed firmly on her hipbone, scorching hot.

He felt like throwing up. He felt like an idiot. Like a fly in a spider's net, I had tricked him and everyone else into believing I was someone else, Alba. Him specifically, my special Simon. Without saying a word, Price skipped to the next picture. It was a classified FBI file. His eyes scanned the file, reading through the mountains of lies I had told him, reading the truth. The whole truth. He was being set up, it could not be real. His head was throbbing, his blood cold. It had to be a joke, a sick, sick joke.

His hips aligned with hers, he drank the soft gasp that left her lips when she felt him slip inside her.

'This is Eva. Jude. Some of you know her as Alba'. Price gave him a quick look, but he wasn't paying attention. His eyes felt like they were burning thought the wall. Eva. 'The woman I showed you earlier…' That's her mother, he thought. '…That's Eva's mother.' No… That's Alba, no? No, Eva. Eva Dalla Rocca, I wasn't born in the UK, I was born and raised in Southern Italy, by one of the most influential clans in Naples. I have a sister, I had a brother. 'She was hired here and given a fake identity, under the condition of cutting all ties and contact with her family…' Price went on. Eva. Not Alba, not just a therapist, what? Eva. Southern Italy, the fucking mafia? Naples, moved away when I was 18 after a major attack that let to the death of an infant, he read. My Alba? How? An attack? How? Why? It couldn't be, it had to… it had to be a mistake, I was with him the night before, so pretty, so sweet, I held his hand...

Her nails pressed on the flesh of his back and shoulders, while he rocked his hips foreword. Opening his eyes, he took in the sight of her, curled against him, clinging to him like she was afraid he was gonna vanish like a fever dream. Her brows furrowed, mouth agape sucking in a breath. He saw her in that state every single night, and yet it never failed to make him dizzy, the amount of pleasure he was able to make her feel. The necklace he bought her fell in the middle of her chest, a blue stone shining in the morning light.

'Since she broke no contact yesterday night, we have every reason to believe she's going back to her roots, possibly helping out her family. She's our first target.' Eva. Terrorist. He had just asked the terrorist on a date. Broke no contact, I was a criminal. I was hired and given a fake identity. Eva was hired and became Alba. Eva. God help him, so many lies, and he believed. Every. Single. Word.

He leaned down close, desperate to feel more of her, everything. It was never enough, he was never close enough, always needed more. She raised her hips from the mattress, reaching for him. He allowed himself to relax and lay his head beside her on the pillow. She had one arm around his neck, one hand pressed on his chest. Left side, his heart. 'Scusami', he said in her mother tongue. His hips lazily grinding against her, he moaned her name into her neck repeatedly like he was praying. Her legs straddled his hips, she was shaking.

'I'm sorry to everyone who considered her a friend.'

This is what happens when you let your guard down. Now Simon, Ghost, wasn't good with feelings, but he sure was good at war. Next target, did the captain say? Target. A job. Terrorist. Consider it done, then. War was what I wanted, war was what I was created for. Well, so was Simon. War was what he would bring me.

This is what happens when you let your guard down, this is what gets people heartbroken, killed, fooled, this is what happens to people like him. Betrayed. By me of all people, his sweet angel. It was absurd, but he let me do this, he gave me permission to ruin eveything, deep down it was his own fault.

Such an idiot.

On top of him, she intertwined her fingers with his, pinning his arms to the mattress, stretching them above his head. Her movements against him were erratic and desperate, back and forth, he whimpered like he was crying. Making him feel so good, it was her way of saying she was sorry. She kissed his eyes, she kissed his cheek and his mouth. She created a world from scratch just for him, a world where he was only hers, every hour of every day. Hers to love, to take care of. She reminded him every day, he was hers forever. He was safe everyday. Nothing's gonna hurt you. Not while I'm around. When his hands were freed, he circled her back with his strong arms, needed to feel her at all times, her belly pressed against him, her ribcage, her breasts. She run her hands through his hair that were starting to stick with sweat. ‘Sei l’amore della mia vita’ she whispered, like a hymnal. He believed her. He couldn't possibly do any different.

notes: happy professional help finale! I started writing this series after thinking about it a lot, I am new to all this. I wrote at least 27 chapters before even publishing the introduction, over a year ago. I am very very happy to have continued this project to the point of finishing part one. I still have a lot in mind and a lot of things that I want to explore with my characters. thank you so so much to all of you that liked, reblogged and commented such sweet things!! I really appreciate it so so much and I hope you'll continue to love Alba, or better, Eva and Simon as much as I love them.

I'm gonna go back to writing!

enjoy!

mare.

taglist:

@random-fandom-smoothie

@ghostlythots @sweetfemmefatal @natxpat @chavarriakeren647 @ravenmoore14 @farther-than-pleiades @internallyscreamings @hwromi @atoxicrat @cuti3maddi3 @deafeningkittenblaze @its-celeste @serene-hills @lexidoll12 @poohkie90 @lunatiquess

@warmedbythebody @katzykat @iristhemuse @azkza @keiraslayz @abbyandermine @jennyjencakes @dest-nai @corset-briefs @nutze-kekse @ilytsukiw @b3anspr0ut

@pondsblog @missyouzoe @fallenkitten @bigauthorrascalturkey @bethtay @angelynn-nicole @starluv @stargirlisworld @giyuuslittleslut @impossiblecupcakelight

@rkrivees-blog @ghosts-hoe @kam1snotverysmart @gauky76 @freyjaaasstuff @spicyspicyliving @scottpilgrimvsmyfists @courtney0-0 @shinchanboi @darling006 @my-therapist-hates-me @asteriadisera

[eerna]

Hi, I read a little bit of your rant about Arcane, but then I stopped 'cause it's making me notice so many things and so sad thinking about what a perfect series could have been if... what? They had more time? If there were someone else with the writers that pointed out things? If they had another act? Maybe two?

For what I have understood act1 was supposed to be the last one in season 1, right now I can't find the source, maybe I'm just imagining it? Idk. But even the season 1 opening finished with Jinx and Vi's fight.

If that's so, maybe season two was supposed to be four act and not two acts super full of things to talk about, to develop, and also so not to forget the starting point of all of the Arcane.

Or maybe this is just me rumbling about a series that I love and I can't accept that they finished it forgetting things really important about Arcane, and it hurt so much.

But I also loved it. It was beautifully done, songs, animations, and voice acting, I know that ending for CaitVi was a little controversial, but I'm keeping that salame in my eyes and be happy for them. Is it so wrong to do this?

Sorry about my English, I don't usually write, but I wanted to express these feelings.

Pls don't apologize for your English, I'm not a native speaker either, we are totally on the same page~ The first arc DID feel like the conclusion to s1, so maybe you are right about that!

Listen, you get to choose how to deal with a show you love ending in an unsatisfying way! I can't police how you are supposed to express your feelings! I can only offer you my thoughts on the matter, and those are this. Engaging with criticism and reading detailed explanations of what didn't work is not a moral responsibility. I express my love for media by analyzing it to bits and pieces, and that's how I deal with disappointment, too. I like to understand why I love something, and I like to understand why I don't love stuff, too. It's just my way of interacting with fiction, not some kind of an ethical statement! I only have a problem with those who think all criticism should be silenced. Those people enter the realm of anti-intellectualism, where the only correct way to interact with media is as a mindless consumer only processing what the writers want you to think and feel and nothing else. So in my opinion, it is not at all wrong to tune out the criticism and just enjoy the good parts of the show for what they are. Because even with all the complaints about the writing, the show excels in every other area, there is a ton to enjoy about it!!

[misspelledwordswizard]

Akdiwjabs I love the way you write four but what about the COLORS?

I love the colors sm!! I'll love more requests for them too, hehe

Sounds coming from outside the inn caught my attention. It was night, all the boys were in the inn, either in their rooms or in some other room in the place, so there was no reason for me to worry. It must just be some drunk talking to himself. The only problem is that I recognized the voice, and besides being someone I know well, I’m sure it seemed to be coming from more than one person.

Well, I guess checking it out can’t hurt, right? I got up from the small sofa I was sitting on, reading a book, and went to look for something to cover myself and protect myself from the night’s cold. After putting on a coat, I went out through the front door of the inn, looking around. The street was empty, so it was easy to identify the sounds coming from nearby.

I walked to the back of the inn, away from the eyes, worried about what could be causing all this commotion. Of all the possibilities that crossed my mind, none of them were that the voice I heard was actually Four’s, but I was also right about there being more than one person, because right in front of me were four Fours. Ironic, I know.

He... they seemed to be discussing something that I couldn’t understand at first, too shocked by what was right in front of me, and they also didn’t seem to have noticed me standing there. Each of them wore the robe in a different color, each one of the colors of the original robe of the hero of the four swords.

Oh, hero of the four swords, so that’s what it means!

Not liking the idea of just standing there watching, or even leaving and them never even finding out that I knew their secret, I cleared my throat to get their attention. It seemed to work, they all looked at me surprised and somewhat shocked, becoming quiet immediately.

— Oh, calm down! It’s not what you’re thinking. – The one wearing the green tunic began, triggering the reaction of the others.

— Well, unless you’re thinking that we’re Four divided, then it’s exactly what you’re thinking! – The one in red said, receiving na elbow from the one in blue.

— It’s okay, we can explain everything. – The one in purple said, not seeming really worried about the situation.

It took me a while to process all of this, but I think it’s okay, after all, it’s Four. They are Four.

— Hm, okay, then explain. – I said, finding myself again at the wall nearby with my arms crossed, waiting.

— Well... we’re Four. – The green one replied, saying what I had already assumed.

— So Four is like, four people in one?

— Not exactly, more like we’re a quarter of one person each. We’re different parts of Four, different sides of it. – The one in purple explained better, and I thought I was starting to understand.

— And I suppose that’s because of the sword.

— Exactly. – the one in blue confirmed.

Right. It’s not that absurd. Just complex and strange. But reasonable.

— And what should I call you? One, two, three and four? – I asked, making the one in red laugh.

— We answer to Green, Red, Blue and Vio. – Green corrected me.

— Oh, right, that makes sense. – I sighed. That’s a lot for one night. – Do the others know?

— No, only Wild. And we prefer to keep it that way, understand? – Blue said, almost sounding like a threat, I just nodded.

Before I could speak I felt someone hug me suddenly. Red grabbed me affectionately, looking happy. If each one represents a feeling of Four’s, I guess this one is love.

— I’m so glad you know this now! I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, but the others didn’t agree. – He said, mumbling about his other parts. – And you’re taking it so well, how nice! Now we can get to know each other even better.

I laughed softly, I never thought I’d see the Blacksmith act so affectionately, it was kind of adorable. And to think that this is literally a part of him, it’s nice to be able to get to know this side of him.

— Okay, I’m still trying to figure this all out, but it’s actually pretty cool. It’s kind of like Four multiplied, all advantages. – I said without thinking very well, and mentally cursed myself for it. Okay, I went around saying that shit anyway, go ahead and confess that you have a crush on him... them.

Luckily, they didn’t seem to notice, or didn’t show it, the next thing I saw was Red being pulled by the hood by Blue, forcing him to let go of me.

— Okay, that’s enough, don’t be so clingy! Do you want to scare her, idiot?!

— Hey, you know you’re calling yourself an idiot too, right, genius?

— No, I’m calling you an idiot, you’re the idiot part, I’m the cool part!

— But we’re the same person!

The two argued back and forth, heavens, I’m still going to go crazy one of these days. The other two got closer to me, avoiding the brawlers.

— Don’t worry, ignore them, they’re a little nervous with your presence. – Green explained, generating more doubts in me.

— Why would they be nervous?

— Oh, it’s because- ouch! – He was cut off by a poor thing on the back of the neck from Vio. – Oh, nothing, forget it.

Oh, I can see it’s going to be a long night.

[dykedvonte]

You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.

-Shrimp Anon

The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.

Get ready cause this is a yap session:

Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.

I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.

The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.

This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.

Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...

These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.

I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.

Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.

It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.

I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.

It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.

There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.

End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.

[moeblob]

A succubus and a demon! (The succubi don't have names but the demon is Kronos and the succubus is one of his bosses in Hell and he's not /fond/ of the succubi for many reasons but they all adore picking on him)

Also because I love them and like to point it out, the succubi act more as pleasure dealers in the sense of they offer up whatever a human wants most in exchange for their soul. It's rarely of a sexual nature since it's what they want MOST in life. And most people's ambitions are outside of a bedroom. (happy pride, asexuals are able to get affected by a succubus now without discrimination)

[snixx]

good GOD can we stop gendering everything. I swear some of y'all just took the futch scale and decided to run with it as gender roles 2.0 (yassified edition)

[grimm-the-tiger]

My FL main went through some really weird, organic development over the...oh god, I think it's been five years since I started playing now.

So my main is named Skadi Larkin. They are a little bastard. They started out extremely 2D; I named them after my favorite Norse goddess and the protagonist of the book I was reading at the time. I originally wanted to make them female like both of their namesakes, but the second I saw the third-gender option, I thought it was too good to pass up. This is where they got their primary base characterization as a mad scientist who wanted to Cause Problems.

Then I started the Nemesis ambition and forgot which option I'd chosen for who I was trying to avenge, so they lost both their lover and their older brother under tragic circumstances (only the lover was killed by Nemesis's antagonist, though).

Then I got an Exceptional Friendship and had to give my tragic backstory in order to gain entry to the House of Chimes. Skadi pulled said tragic backstory (orphaned in a hansom accident) more or less out of their ass, but it did establish that their parents are dead.

Somewhere down the line, I realized that technically Skadi is a linguist, since the Correspondence is a language, and I made that their profession on the Surface as well.

Around this time, I started working on character designs for my fan comic. I got really into messing around with skin tone, and somewhere along the line thought it would be fun to draw Skadi (who was originally white) with darker skin, and it stuck.

Then I abruptly realized I was taking a lot of options that increased my Melancholy, and almost all of them were based on the Surface. So now Skadi has a longing for the Surface.

I left the game for a few years, but somewhere during this stretch of time, and I don't know how this happened, but I decided Skadi was now Native American; specifically, Metis. I changed their design to incorporate a sash woven in a style characteristic of the Metis, which also added a bit of color to their design (which was mostly black or grey at this point).

During this time, I started incorporating Skadi into my fan comic. This would eventually lead me to actually flesh out their backstory in greater detail. When I started playing the game again, I also created my first alt by total accident (long story), and I decided to weave her backstory with Skadi's.

So Skadi is in the interesting position of being an Indigenous person who is what we'd probably consider Two-Spirit today but they'd just call "Bollocks to that gender crap". They never belonged on the Surface, since the Metis are in a bit of a liminal space compared to other tribes due to their interesting background (the Metis are the descendants of French settlers and Indigenous inhabitants, mostly Cree), and Skadi exists in a liminal space within that liminal space due to only being half-Metis and raised primarily in white culture, although they still maintained a connection to it through their late mother. They also never belonged because no one else on the Surface outside of the communities they already felt isolated from would ever accept them for their gender. London gave them a chance to express one of those, but not both, and despite knowing that the Surface hates them just for existing, they still long to return.

[anonymusbosch]

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[orcelito]

Honestly sooooooo fucked up that I thought my overwhelming daily fatigue and debilitating body pain was a product of the awful working conditions I was under for years and years... and yet, despite being out of work for half a year now, I'm still so fatigued and in pain all the time??? Like come on man that's not fair

Oh well maybe I have liver disease and they'll treat it and then I am magically so much more energized like I was as a kid. We can only hope !!!!

[yo9urt]

video games....