#I keep hoping for happy endings that I know I won't get but I'm in too deep at this point
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January 2025 Writing Round-Up
Here’s the monthly round-up of everything written and posted in January 2025! The month that lasted 15 years!!!
Here’s the chapters that were released:
Underline the Black 106
Underline the Black 107
Underline the Black 108
Underline the Blue 24
Underline the Blue 25
Constellations 14
Constellations 17 (Gary+Efnisien Tier+)
Underline the Blue 26 (Gwyn+Augus Tier+)
Underline the Blue 27 (Gwyn+Augus Tier+)
Chapter Commentary - Constellations - 07 (Mosk+Eran Tier)
Chapter Commentary - Constellations - 08 (Mosk+Eran Tier)
FANFICTION
A Stain that Won't Dissolve 52
A Stain that Won't Dissolve 53
Palmarosa 34
Palmarosa 35
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All Patreon early access chapters are mirrored at Ream for those who prefer Stripe / other payment options.
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Behind the scenes I wrote 37,675 words (11 chapters) in January, across Palmarosa, Underline the Black, Underline the Gold, and Underline the Blue.
Despite some difficulties (our dog, who is not yet 1.5 years old, was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in multiple limbs as well as other things), it was actually a great month for writing. I hit the minimum monthly wordcount and then kept sailing on by! I was so chuffed to be able to write more Palmarosa too.
I've also hit a really fun (read: tragic and intense) point in Underline the Black to write, so I'm hoping to keep that up in February!
Merch Tier: While I didn't officially open merch tier enrollments for new folks, the cut off for folks who want the May/June Fae Tales merch is end of February, 2025. I have decided I will keep sending to Europe despite GPSR changes!
We are returning to Underline the Gold in February! (Folks who love Underline the Red will be happy to know that I've got at least 4 chapters of that coming in the next few months!)
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As always, you can support the stories you love by subscribing over at Patreon and Ream! You can also follow for free, and just get email notifications of news and other things that I release to everyone. :D
#housekeeping#underline the black#underline the blue#palmarosa#thespectaclesofthor#a stain that won't dissolve#constellations#january was a good month for writing because i really needed#the escapism lmao#as the world burns down this queer trans author#is going to keep making my queer fucking art#because no one can tell me i don't fucking exist#*cheerful smile*
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Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.
#my mom gave me a really really lonf lecture and upset me because her and my dad want me to start thinking about settling down ans getting#married. again. cos this comes up all the time. ans I reiterated that i do wanna marry and have kids. i know im 26 years old why do they'#think im also not aware of this??? like i suddenly forgot my own age and have my head in the clouds all the time. and i got so heated cos i#said they only believe in that in theory. in reality neither of them have accepted the idea od my leaving home or the idea of mw being with#a man. and they start freaking out if they even find out i talk to them so to say they want me to get married is so fucking naive#ans when i mentioned this and that they're more than ok w mt brothers talking tp women she said that if i wanted to settle down she could#talk to dad and they could “go about finding someone for me” and I've never been so pissed#i got so upset. why does everyone keep saying this to me. as if anyone my dad knows could ever be a half decent man#and the truth is they don't care if im in a happy marriage they've accepted that i won't be they only care that im gone and saving face in#front of family. that's all. it's always reputation it's always “what will people say?”#not once did love come up. not once did shw even imply that i should marryfor love#or that they hope i love someone and marry them. because they're more happy with the idea of me marrying for the sake of it than#they are at the idea of me finding genuine lovw#im not a fucking broodmare im not here to push out babies for the sake od reputation.#and then i said nor being married isn't the end of the world and she said “it's important that you settle down”#and i said im unwavering in my principles. she can call mw high maintenance like she loves doing but I'm not wavering on the#kind of man i want to be with and when i do marry him i want it to bw genuine. because be loves me and vice versa not because im ticking off#somethin from a damn checklist to appease them. and if being unwavering on my principles means staying unmarried then so be it.#my obligations are to god and myself and that's it#and y'know what??? i am in love with a boy already#and yet they don't care that i wanna be in love at all. no im just a puppet to follow a certain narrative in life live according to evergone#else has and that's it.#im done.#and then she tried to apologise by getting me a slice of cake and that somehow made me feel worse.#i dont want an apology. i want to be heard and actually listened to for once. i want someone to ask what i want. to actually give a shit#and love me cos it's me. not cos im some thing to further an agenda. or some toy or puppet that does your bidding.#is it so much??? to just want to be loved in return? to marry and live according to how i want to?? ans not want anyone to make these#decision's for me?#ruined my whole day.
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eddie not having a partner and carlo getting married late bc "my homoerotic friendship is more important to me than regular sex"
#jk i guess ^ this is just a message from my friend#that scene from once upon a time in america where they were discussing max like both of them were his lovers#as zemfira sang “im an evil person; im your person” (<- she and her homoerotic friendship🤩)#and#Who showed you the stars in the morning? Who taught you to see at night?; Who if not me?#I'll always follow you; I'll always be with you; No I won't let go#and (2)#I'm holding your hand so you don't get kidnapped; There are pests lurking in alleyways in Volgas#Phone booths - we'll keep warm in them maybe; This sad saga will never end; I don't need and need; you're my loneliness#I'm not dramatizing; I'm holding your hand#The stars just happened to fall; Into my empty pockets; And left me hoping#My knees are frozen; You were happy and drunk; And something important in between#ah zemfira the queen of homoerotic friendship (<- “friendship” in question🤨🤨everyone knows what you are dear zemfira talgatovna🤨)
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Ok so far my experience with House MD is "everyone here sucks on pretty much every level possible. why do I love them so much"
#these are all the worst people alive. i need them to be happy#alas i do not think that will happen kjfhdskjfn#on s2. hooked#house md#the post is an oversimplification of course. there's a lot of interesting ethical/moral questions presented with each character#i don't-as of right now- truly think that any of them are deeply terrible people#but jesus christ some of their decisions are awful and I love it. it's such a great show#I keep hoping for happy endings that I know I won't get but I'm in too deep at this point#anyways i love that my 2 main interests rn are AG pokeani as always and house md#one's giving 'please do something interesting' and i'm digging in the dirt for characterization#poking blorbos with a stick like. hey. do something. at least try a different flower for me to analyze.#the other is giving 'oh my god holy shit okay that's enough character work oh my god you're killing him. again'
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Okay I have been stewing on this all day and I will just add my thoughts here...
Now take my opinion with a grain of salt, I'm just a nobody who watches and loves the shows. I don't have a crystal ball to know the future, but I would hope that I am capable of looking at things rationally and logically.
Firstly, Im not sure that this is necessarily the 'end' of the Lunar and Earth Show for one specific reason.
This has ALWAYS been a bridge the characters were gonna have to cross...
Pretty much from when we first met Gemini, they have said that Lunar might have to leave and become an Astral. So... Whatever is going to occur has long been planned.
Do I think Lunar is going to leave? Eh...
I give it a 50/50 chance...
Just given everything that has been happening for Lunar in his life, he might leave to try and keep his family safe. Or to find a purpose in his life which he feels he currently lacks... Or believing that he's hurt his family enough, such as the case with Earth. But what life would he have? Gemini has become icy towards him courtesy of the latest episode, pretty clear they now view him as an investment more than even a friend... Leo clearly still hates him even if we haven't met him yet.
And even if Lunar leaves, Rez and Kerian are still on earth and are presumably not going anywhere. Maybe Kerian would follow Lunar, but Rez won't and that's a big threat to the family... Not to mention the Creator when he gets unleashed.
Now playing devil's advocate for a sec and assuming he leaves, what would happen? There's several options here...
The show just ends... Now this is HIGHLY unlikely. But it's understandable that everyone jumps on this bandwagon, given how we have just lost two wonderful VA's amongst the shows. But hypothetically if Lunar goes with the Astrals, they will just replace him as a main character.
Would it be permanent though?
We could have Lunar leave for a month and then come back... Even though they said that wouldn't be possible, who knows what is actually planned.
As for who would replace him. I know that everyone would automatically assume Davis and that is certainly possible... But I think it's unlikely. The reason? Davis plays HOW MANY CHARACTERS?! I know he plays Solar normally but I don't know if he could do ANOTHER show. I mean it's possible... But unlikely.
Also one thing that makes the show ending unlikely is because we just got introduced to a new character in Kerian and his interactions with Lunar get lots of views.
A lot of things do boil down to what is the best move financially, these shows are run by a company after all. LAES is pretty popular and gets lots of views. So one needs to take that into account.
Due to that I don't think we're going to get a 'Lunar says Goodbye' episode... Although it's still in the cards.
Personally... I think Lunar might just close the book on the Astrals and move on. Him choosing his family over the powers forever. That move would make the most sense. Although it would result in the Astral storyline ending. At least in its main part. But it would also probably allow the writers to explore different stories with the characters, possibly some more whimsical and happy stories and just a little less angst.
Who knows, I sure don't...
But what I do know is I trust the writers to do what they think is best and I will accept whatever they choose to do.
...that's all I got y'all...
THE LUNAR AND EARTH SHOW WILL BE GONE SOON. ITS HINTED
A lot of the TSBS shows have been dying and gettIng rebranded with new characters. Since the latest LAES episode, lunar will have to make a choice either he gets his powers back but then he has to leave earth or he doesn’t get his powers back. this is hinting that the main character will probably go away and the show is gonna be rebranded. Probably it will be renamed as the THE SOLAR AND EARTH SHOW or THE EARTH AND SOLAR SHOW, which I predict it will be from watching the live stream. But we’ll have to wait and see.
Hmmm…. Perhaps Timer (if you don’t who he is, he was introduced from the episode where Sun and moon travel back in time and stuck in loop, go watch it.) could help? He’s the god of time! 💫⌛️
#tsams#the sun and moon show#sun and moon show#fnaf#fnaf au#dca au#dca#LAES#the lunar and earth show#lunar and earth show
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#hello i just found out my dad might be getting another divorce and he's not telling me :))))#he might be already separated from his wife living back in my hometown with who knows who :))))))))#so he left a woman who he has cheated with on my mom and basically destroyed whole family :))))))))))))))#i don't have any reliable sources for this ans I can't ask him but it is eating me inside#and I had my suspicions since Christmas but I just thought they are having some tough period#so whenever I called him I tried to check of everything is okay and everything seemed okay#and I just hope they're still maybe just going through something but they will end up back together again#and i won't know because we don't talk about our problems in my family you need to be always happy#and god forbid you bother someone with your problems#i am sorry of this is too personal but it's making me freak out a little bit#i just can't stop thinking about it#and is it bad that I actually feel sad that I won't ever see his cats again if his wife keeps them?#ugh how the fuck can you divorce twice in your life?????#and does this mean that I also have some fucked up genes in me????#i was kinda hoping he would come to visit me for my birthday because I don't want to be alone but I doubt it will happen now#i just miss him and i want that he's hapy#okay that's enough i just needed to get this out of me#have a wonderful day everyone I'm going to take a shower because I ran 5km today so at least that's something positive
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the same thing ・❥・b. barnes
summary: during a mission, you put yourself in harm's way to protect bucky. back at the avengers compound, he wants to know why. | 1.4k words, angst with a happy ending
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
"You should be resting."
You don't turn your head as the familiar voice comes from behind you, too focused on the delicate art of making the perfect sandwich to look away. You are a woman on a mission. "I was hungry."
A few seconds later, he's standing next to you, leaning back against the countertop with arms folded across his broad chest. "It's been less than twelve hours since they patched you up."
He's not going to stop hovering, you realize, because that's what Bucky does when he's worried.
"Want half?" Maybe you can distract him with food.
He regards the towering monstrosity on the cutting board and the chaotic layers of meat, cheese, and veggies sticking out at all angles.
You can't help but grin as you slap another slice of bread on top. "A quarter, then?"
Bucky has the audacity to look offended. "I'm not eating that thing."
You cradle the plate in your left hand, holding the sandwich with your right, and give him a pointed look. "Your loss."
Bucky just watches, arms still crossed, as you take a huge bite. His blue eyes remain narrowed, his mouth pressed into a thin line. He's like a one-man intervention waiting to happen. You shrug and wander over to the kitchen table.
Sitting down is a bit of an effort. The wound on your side pulls as you slowly lower yourself onto the chair, but if you can keep from grimacing too hard, Bucky won't be able to tell, will he?
Your smile probably gives you away. He narrows his eyes further. "Why did you do that?"
"Because I'm hungry?"
"No." Bucky takes a step forward. "I meant why did you get between me and that shot?"
Good question. The answer is embarrassing and you'd sooner walk barefoot over hot coals than tell him the truth.
"Hm?"
Another step. "I have superhuman healing powers."
"I'll live."
"It was stupid."
"You're ruining my—ow," you mutter, dropping the sandwich as you instinctively put your hand over your bandage. There goes the carefully maintained poker face. You force yourself to remove your hand and look up at Bucky with what you hope is an innocent expression, even as your side throbs in protest. "My sandwich. You're ruining my sandwich. Are you sure you don't want a bite?"
Bucky is too smart to take the bait. He moves around the table, coming to stand in front of you. The whole 'arms-crossed-stern-glare' thing again. It would be intimidating if you didn't know him so well.
"You could've been killed," he's like a dog with a bone, you swear.
"But I wasn't," you say pointedly. "I'm fine."
"Fine? You were shot."
"Will you just let it go? It doesn't even...hurt...that much," you lie.
It will take a while for the super-soldier serum in your blood — a weaker variation of the same stuff that runs through Bucky's veins — to kick in and accelerate your healing.
Bucky exhales. He looks about ready to give you an earful, but then his gaze shifts and he notices the way you're holding your side, how stiffly you're sitting.
You move your traitorous hand away like you've been burned.
"How bad is it?"
"Huh?" you say in a deliberately casual tone. "It's...totally fine. Not bad, really. Don't worry. I don't even feel it."
There's the reason why you've never been a spy. You can't lie to save your life, apparently.
Or maybe just not to Bucky.
"Okay. It hurts, like, just a little bit...like—like not even hurts hurts, just..." you trail off with a grimace as he comes closer. "More of an itch?"
"An itch?" Bucky sounds dubious.
"More of a burn," you concede. "A...mildly annoying but totally manageable sort of a burn."
"You are a terrible liar."
"Okay, so it hurts," you snap, the last vestiges of your patience vanishing. "I have an extensive hole in my side, I get it. It's not—I don't want you to feel bad about it. It's really not terrible, I can take it."
Bucky shakes his head. "What if it had been worse? What if they'd shot you somewhere vital?"
"They didn't."
"But what if they had?"
"Then I would have died!"
Bucky looks at you like you just kicked him. "Yeah. That's what I'm trying to say."
You open your mouth, then close it.
"You think I want that?" he asks softly.
"No." You suddenly feel very small. "Of course not, I just...just..."
"Just what?"
"I don't know," you admit with a sigh. "It's just that you are...people need you, you know? And you have a life, people who care about you, but I'm just..."
A nobody. A girl with no past, who can barely make sense of her present.
"...it would be better if it was me. That's all."
"It would never be better if you were hurt."
"Bucky—"
"You don't get it, do you?" he asks in a low voice. "People need you too."
You roll your eyes. "Please. You mean the team?"
"Me," Bucky says pointedly. "You think it's easy for me? When you get hurt? It kills me."
The sandwich lays forgotten on the table, squashed flat under your clasped hands. "It...kills you?"
He just looks at you for a long moment.
Your heart flutters in your chest. You have a sudden, intense urge to break the silence with a terrible joke, a quip, something light and witty to dispel the heaviness in the air and make this moment go away. But before you can open your mouth, Bucky shakes his head.
"You kill me."
Okay, that's not where you thought this was going. "What?"
"When you say stuff like that. When you make it sound like you don't matter, like it's okay for you to get hurt. Or worse. It's not."
Oh.
"Bucky," you try again, with a more serious tone. "I don't—"
"Stop saying that," he cuts you off.
You realize your mouth is still hanging open and snap it shut.
"You want to know what I think?" Bucky is so close now you could reach out and touch him, if you were brave enough. "I think that you got this...thing in your head, that you're not good enough, or strong enough, or that you're broken somehow. I think that you forget that it's okay to want things. I think that maybe you think nobody needs you. That no one wants you."
You swallow. You're afraid to say anything, to move, because your heart is hammering against your ribs and Bucky is looking at you like he can see straight into your soul.
"But I do."
"Do...what?" you whisper.
"Want you."
It's the last thing you expect to hear. "Bucky, you don't mean that."
His voice drops an octave. "Don't tell me what I mean."
Your cheeks are burning. You feel pinned under his gaze. Your side is throbbing again and you have a mouthful of butterflies and it's all just too much.
You move to get up but only make it halfway before the wound pulls again and you wince. "Shit."
"Where do you think you're going?" Bucky reaches out to help you, one hand braced against your shoulder as you sink back down into the chair. His expression has softened. "You need to rest."
You really want to kiss him right now.
It's the closest he's ever been to you, perhaps. You can feel his breath on your face.
"I need to...? You really confuse me, Barnes."
"How so?"
"Well, first you tell me that I kill you, and then you say you want me. It's kind of a mixed message—"
"I'm not interested in being just friends with you," Bucky cuts you off abruptly. "Is that clear enough?"
Your lips part but nothing comes out. There's a warm, tingling sensation in your chest and you suddenly can't breathe properly. "That's—you—"
Bucky smirks, just a little. He looks almost...proud of himself? Like he's happy he's rendered you speechless for once.
You decide to take a page from his book and put him on the spot. "And what do you think I want?"
"I don't know," he murmurs, leaning even closer. "But I hope it's the same thing."
His lips brush against yours, soft and gentle. He pulls away and you want to chase after him but then he's back again and kissing you harder this time, all teeth and tongue and ragged breathing and heat.
You close your eyes. Your head is spinning and you can't get enough air but you're kissing him back now, both hands coming up to fist in his shirt, holding on for dear life.
His mouth trails down your neck, leaving hot kisses along your jawline. You let out a breathy sigh.
"Is that...supposed to help me heal faster, mhm?"
Bucky just smiles against your skin.
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes x fem!reader#bucky x you#bucky x reader#winter soldier x reader#winter soldier imagine#winter#soldier x fem!reader#winter soldier x you#marvel fanfic#marvel imagine#bucky barnes#scenario#bucky barnes oneshot#bucky barnes one-shot#bucky barnes one shot#bucky#barnes headcanon#mcu fanfic#mcu#mcu fanfiction#mcu imagine#headcanons#bucky barnes hcs#bucky barnes hc#bucky barnes fanfiction#barnes fanfic#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes blurb
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While it's a great analysis, especially the part about Aziraphale being desperate for respect, recognition and validation from people he consider his authorities — which is somehow get painted as his moral failure in fandom and not an inherent human quality, — I want to disagree (or more like... look from other perspective?) on couple things.
First: I always took "bad guys" as face value and I don't get what's fandom problem with it. Yes, the wording might be better, but it's a shorthand for all party lines from both sides packed into two words and it works for this rushed conversation. The point with "bad guys" and "good guys" is that it's arbitrary sides, and Aziraphale and Crowley points it again and again, aren't they? It's not a morality question at this point: they just sides, sure, but they have *goals*. Heavens is the "good guys" that works toward ultimate good (in theory! We and Aziraphale know that it's not the case). So, if you correct this system toward the goal it supposed to achieve, it should start make "good". Now, hell is the "bad guys". Correcting it toward it goal, making it effective leads to making more "badness" (look at Crowley: he's bad at being that kind of demon that kills and tortures, but his innovations actually *effective* at making more people miserable and making bad decisions — it's brushed in series but was more pointed in book). So, yes, "of course you said no, you're the bad guys" there = "your goals as to 'not make people miserable' contradicts hells main goal, while making things good are technically heavens goal and we can work on it there, as you always wished" (yes, heavens actually don't give a shit about humanity, but Aziraphale plans to correct this! How far he will get with it is another goal) (arguably, Crowley also doesn't want to make humans lives better, he's perfectly fine with how they are — it's Aziraphale that loves to meddle, but it looks like he thinks that they align there, making leap from "don't want to kill innocent kids" to "actually wants to go out of my way to change things to the better"). Now, I *do* think that if Crowley told him that he plans to go into hell and become the new prince to make things *less bad*, make it *harder* to hell to gather souls, make it *easier* for people who get into hell because things are unfair and they stole some bread to eat, Aziraphale probably *would've* decided that it's very noble of him (and than he would put him in box and secure this box in a safe, because hell no you're not going lol he's overcompensating when it's the matters of Crowley safety), but it's probably not something he ever considered — which is part of him thinking in black and white, sure, but also like. He has no reason to think about how Crowley can reconstruct hell (again, I want to stress it: Crowley don't think about changing things, and all Aziraphale knows about hell Is from him and heavens propaganda, it's not his fault if he's left with impression that you can't make hell's better!) daydreamed for years about what he would've do as Supreme Archangel, so I think we can go easy on him there.
But what I absolutely don't see is him *wanting* angel Crowley back in any way aside from protection it'll give them and justice it'll bring to Crowley (in Aziraphale's mind), him wanting to change him in any way. Look. He was always accepting of Crowley from their first meeting as a demon, and he never shows any concerns towards him that's not based on fears that based on real possibilities (are you tempting me? Can someone there overhear that we were called friends? Are you lying? Etc). From immediately accepting his new looks and names, to always stating "you're a demon and I hang out with you", not "you're a demon and I hang out with you despite of this". More than that, he's ready to accept version of Crowley that much worse than he are, actually (notice how when he asks "are this your doing?" in Bastille or with nazis, he's not outraged, he's not disgusted, he's mildly irrated at worst! He's not pushing him away based on this! If Crowley will ask him to lend him a shovel he'll probably came ready to help to hide a body, he's that ride or die. Now, I think it's as important to the acceptance as "I know you, you'll never do X". Aziraphale ahowes again and again that there's no unforgivable with him, he will be ready to forgive and forget). And look at how he talks about Crowley to other angels — he can't imagine himself saying something about how bad he is even to beings that haven't heard any honest word from him for millennia, it's just not something he has in his mind. He uses an argument "you were an angel once" twice in this series, both time when people's lives were on stakes, and I can discuss it separately since it's already too long but it was it, just an argument he used with several others to try and persuade Crowley (and Aziraphale, being not really great with social skills, usually uses arguments that will work on him, so). I won't even touch the walls and car and color of Crowley eyes. It's not Starmaker eyes, we all already gushed about it, whatever. (And he wasn't made *uncomfortable* by Starmaker, aren't he? He immediately get *afraid* for him, which is integral part of this relationship. So I don't think he ever dreamed that making Crowley an angel again would make him any different, make him "proper" angel that would be easier to love. Notice how his offer is not going with "and you should promise to be on your best behavior", it's actually partnered with "now I'll be the one in power, so I will protect you from mistreatment").
Honestly I love fics where Aziraphale struggles with shame, but I can't see it as "I ashamed to be attracted to demon so I want to change him into angel" even way back, and definitely not at "six thousand years later" point (and I think it's important to remember that flashbacks are exactly this: flashbacks. Like, you can't hold against Aziraphale beliefs he already changed). I would've compare it to his love of food (sorry Crowley but you definitely a snack). See, Aziraphale ashamed of not being proper angel, but he's not showed to be ashamed of his love of food or to think that food is really a disgusting thing that sullied him. It's complicated feeling, but to love a demon and being ashamed of not being proper angel is not necessary means you ashamed of your attraction, or you ashamed of him being specifically demon, it's more like "I'm ashamed that I'm not ashamed" (forgive me for parallels, but: I'm a person with low empathy, I'm not ashamed of it, I for sure don't want to change it, I'm actually really glad that word tragedies are not affecting me in the same way it can affect my more empathetic friends, but sometimes I get ashamed *because* I like how I am and I don't want to change it, since I know that from many people's perspective it means I'm bad and also lazy. I think Aziraphale really showed it in his "I'm soft" and I think it corresponds well with how he feels about Crowley. Call it more the shame of wanting good things for himself, not the shame of wanting something bad; it goes nicely with Crowley tempting him into doing nice things for himself, aren't it? Ok, now I'm not sure I make sense whatsoever).
Now, sure, maybe he felt some joy about making things easier in his mind if Crowley would become an angel — sure, there'll be much less shades of gray than in relationships with demon. It's possible! But in the whole I'll argue that it's just a headcanon, and that in canon we have no indication of Aziraphale being ashamed of Crowley/attraction to Crowley or at least it being his motivation, partially or wholly, to make Crowley an angel (I can see him being ashamed *now*, because he made an offer and was rejected and now Crowley thinks that he's stupid for accepting and Metatron thinks he's stupid for offering and everyone around him thinks he's *not capable* — and look, aren't it funny how fandom latched on Crowley being the one in need of praise and reassurance, while it's Aziraphale the one that always gets belittled in canon and can't stand up for himself? Fascinating)
Anyway, I agree on some bits and I think that Aziraphale's beautiful brain is full on contradictions and denial, which is what that makes him interesting and unpredictable and what made Crowley fall in love with him in the first place. And I'll be a minority there, but I don't want him to change this, like, just give him information and let him build his best decisions on it I'm sure whatever happens would be FUN. But the part about shame is just not something I see in canon, and while maybe for the second there Crowley thought AHA SO YOU WANT ME TO CHANGE, I can't believe that he, having all proofs on his hands from the six thousand years of knowing Aziraphale and being his friend, can really think "ohhhh he never loved me like thiiis he would prefer an aaangel". Like. No? Like, I do think that they will (or actually that any competent adults on their place would've) resolve it with easy "hey, when you said X, it sounded like Y and I was really sad for a moment" (and let's not forget Crowley picking on Aziraphale being incapable and stupid, which is something he needs to apologize too and probably keep it in mind for their next fight, since it's something he tends to do when he's frustrated and angry/scared, as we saw in season 1). I think the things they need to discuss for more healthy relationship is much more boring, like what things we can do as unit, what we can do separately, how to communicate it clearly and how to not get defensive/attacking when we enter a disagreement. I also think that it's not really great for TV plot, so on screen we will get tearful confessions and a kiss, but whatever, I have my fanfiction for it.
I can go on, since there's a lot in original post to discuss about, but I already spend half-hour on this and I really need get back to work lol. Thanks for interesting points, and as usual, the most important part is that Aziraphale's really, truly good, even when he's being a bastard 😀
if you take "I can make a difference" at face value you simply must also consider "you're the bad guys.” like they are both vital aspects of aziraphale's decision. the problem is not just aziraphale's attempt to lead a corrupt system, it is also his continued belief in the superiority of heaven and angels over hell and demons. that's why crowley was so hurt. it's not just a miscommunication, or a disagreement on the practicalities of changing hearts and minds in heaven--it is a fundamental misunderstanding of morality and of crowley as a person. if crowley had asked aziraphale to come to hell to help fix it and protect the earth, he would not have gone. he says so. it’s not just about safety, or reform. it is about being Good.
and all of this happens because aziraphale is not just motivated by fear and love: he is also motivated by shame. he is insecure in his identity as an angel and a Good Guy, and both his alienation from heaven and his relationship with crowley have always aggravated this insecurity. it’s why shax’s mockery hit him so hard, and why he’s so susceptible to manipulation from the metatron. he desperately wants to be taken seriously and treated with respect and to have power and be an uncomplicated Good Guy, and that is just as much of a motivating factor in his decision as his desire to protect humanity and crowley.
and re: “appoint you to be an angel”: I know people want to insist that aziraphale has never wanted to change anything about crowley, but I’m sorry, I just don’t think that’s true. over and over in season 2 aziraphale demonstrates a desire to sand the rough edges off people and things for the sake of the Greater Good, without consideration for the free will or complex emotions of others. obviously this tendency culminates in the ball, where he exerts control over all of the humans to make everything perfect for maggie and nina, and in doing so, infringes on their autonomy and nina’s (crowley’s narrative mirror!) capacity to feel her own anger and sadness. and he has never liked that crowley is a demon. in his mind, the problem has always been that crowley was put in the wrong category, not that the entire system of dividing people and angels into Good and Bad is ridiculous. that’s the exact lesson he needs to learn.
and yes, his intentions are good, absolutely. I don’t think aziraphale ever acts out of malice, and I do think he genuinely wants the best for the people around him, particularly crowley. after all, if crowley is accepted as an angel again, as aziraphale has always secretly considered him to be, their relationship can (in his mind) finally stop being so fraught with danger and conflict. (the other side of that, of course, is that aziraphale can also stop being so ashamed for loving someone who is supposed to be Bad, and everything in his life will make sense again, the way it hasn’t since he met that star maker who got so upset about god’s plan.)
but that’s not who crowley is, and it never has been. even before he fell, crowley’s recklessness and relentless questions made aziraphale uncomfortable. their relationship has never been safe or easy, and in wanting to make it so, aziraphale is demonstrating a desire to change the parts of crowley that led to his fall, whether he intends to or not.
I’m rambling, but the point is: the insistence on reframing this moment as a purely selfless, calculated, self-sacrificing decision by aziraphale to protect crowley and the world ignores the uglier parts of the things he said in order to make their eventual reconciliation less complicated, and it’s really frustrating to me. crowley is in fact right to be upset by what he said, and it’s not just a misunderstanding that can be fixed with aziraphale saying “I was only trying to protect you!” and another kiss. it’s a culmination of all of the double think aziraphale has been doing in order to preserve his vision of heaven as The Source Of Truth And Light And Good since before the beginning of time, and it’s time for him to finally unpack it.
(and because every post on the final fifteen needs a disclaimer: aziraphale is trying his best and has an incredible amount of love in his heart and wants so badly to do good and ALSO the things he says, does, and believes can be incredibly hurtful and destructive. all of these things can be true.)
#again I'm not sure I'm making a lot of sense#but I see how people discuss 'Aziraphale's sooo ashamed of his attraction' talked a lot as fact#and it's confusing for me#maybe! maybe it's not something I can pock on as person being raised as atheist by atheist in atheistic culture#maybe you need to be religious to it being oblivious#anyway I have a lot of thoughts but that's for other post#I hope I'm not overstepping op! I rarely engage in fandom discussions and I don't want to be rude#*sigh* why people always discuss Aziraphale in such unsympathetic way#like that double thinking#it's a survival mechanism!#something he should delicately thank for keeping him safe and sane all this years!#and you can't just... broke it#it's his whole support system#tha change there is not to “open his eyes to jatd truths”#he already knows this truths or it wouldn't be double think#he need something positive to swap one coping mechanism to another#like if you will hammer into him 'heavens are bad and god is cold and uncaring' you will get broken and depressed angel#and swapping it with 'we're on our own side' is clearly not working because it's about 'I'll have your back'#not about 'there's someone there that works toward good' or 'you're good' or 'mom won't love you and this is a thing you should be allowed#to grieve'#I think it easier from fandom point of view with Crowley#you can actually 'fix' him with shipping happy end#as long as he's with Aziraphale and earth is not a pike of goo he's happy#but Aziraphale has more complicated desires and mess of internalized trauma#and it's hard to accept that maybe it'll never be enough. maybe he never will be 'normal'. maybe Crowley can't 'fix' it#but I see this as beautiful thing#'I'll stuck with you regardless of what going on iside your head' is so nice to picture#oh no I get mopey in tags
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my way
until it reaches the void state
(this will be a long post)
1. the end, the beginning.
I knew about the law of attraction years ago thanks to social media, so there it was, like every day trying to manifest my desires.
I was fed up, every day was the same.
My heart healing and breaking everyday, the same cycle of hope and hopelessness continues.
was it always going to be like this?
would I always have to let fears take over me?
I couldn't trust, I didn't believe that just by believing I could get what I wanted but at the same time I had no other option.
I couldn't go on like this, I didn't want to go on like this, I just wanted to end my life, I gave up and cried, cried, cried thinking that this would be the end, that I wouldn't be able to be happy and that was it.
I gave up and thought I was resigned to living a shitty life.
But I cried so much that all the sadness that was in me came out, all the fears that were clinging to me came out.
That's when I felt peace, when I realized that no, I wasn't going to give up that easily, that I first have to do it and do it well, not keep trying.
So I persisted for only 2 days, as I already had my desire for that moment and yes, after 2 days my 3D had already reflected it, it was exciting.
did i reallt do that? was it just a coincidence?
No, it was really me.
I was happy for a few days until the fears returned but this time I was afraid of losing my desire, that's when I realized that fears have no meaning.
I already have it, why would I lose it?
2. I discovered Tumblr and the void state.
I didn't know what void state was, but as soon as I read about it, it caught my attention.
By then my self-concept had improved, I was still dealing with my fears but not as much as before.
So, I made a friend who explained to me more about the void state and she told me that she manifested her house through the void state.
I got excited and hopeful, I read some methods on how to get in and tried to do it, but I couldn't.
I couldn't do it, the simple idea of getting everything so easily sounded easy and fantastical to me.
But one day I realized who I really am, that I am everything, that nothing and no one has power outside of me.
I was filled with satisfaction, joy, peace, I felt like laughing knowing who I am and how easy everything is.
How did I first enter the void state?
so I had a subliminal audio playing in the background while I was meditating.
I thought...I am so powerful, I am capable of anything, I can have whatever I want whenever I want.
At that time I was very sleepy because I had taken some exams, so I just thought "my physical body is going to sleep and rest and I'm going to the void state"
After all, the void state is me and there is nothing easier than being me.
And so it happened, I entered the void state and knew that I already had everything just as I wanted, then I came out and continued sleeping while I didn't stop smiling and feeling a sensation of peace and extreme happiness.
I woke up and stood calmly until I realized what had happened...
I was scared shitless when I realized that I had entered the void state for real and that at that moment I should have everything I wanted and that was when 3d reality disappeared before my eyes.
Everything began to collapse and I felt a huge current of energy running through my entire body, as if it were a waterfall flowing inside me.
I was very scared, I won't deny it, but after all I did it.
(I swear that just as you see in the gif, that's how I felt at that moment)
The following days I couldn't stop shaking and feeling scared because I didn't understand how it was possible that 3D could disappear just like that.
Then I read someone here talking about non-dualism. @lotusmi
Then I understood my experience.
Since that day everything is much easier for me.
I have entered the void state 3 times.
that manifests?
.cure my depression.
.cure my anxiety.
.trust myself.
.longer eyelashes.
.my desired person in love with me.
.money.
.be able to manifest easily.
.prettiest voice.
.I am spoiled.
The rest of the things I manifest are more private.
But basically for me this is the best thing that could have happened to me.
I will mention who were the bloggers that I read to understand more about the void state and about who I really am.
@gorgeouslypink
@lotusmi
@beesfairlyland
@msperfect777
I will also mention a blogger whose information I also like and I find it cute.
@sugarplumfairy777
If you want to know more, you can send me a direct message, no problem.
#void state#pure consciousness#law of assumption#law of attraction#void state success story#reality shifting#shiftblr#loa tumblr
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Do you have any tips for painting with gouache? like how do you get it to stay a nice solid color over a large swath of paper? and how do you blend it so seamlessly?
Of course, here's a few pointers off the top of my head:
1. I've used gouache for this in the past so it's possible, but the flat backdrop on my latest WIP is actually acrylic! A nifty thing I've found about putting a layer of acrylic down, is that it creates a barrier once dried and essentially makes the paper waterproof. This means you can work in gouache on top without it mixing with the background, and you can wet a section and completely wipe it clean with a cloth/tissue and it won't disturb the acrylic layer underneath. It also makes the paper more resilient, and you don't get as much pilling/tearing from the moisture
To get an even wash it's mostly getting the right consistency, I add just a little water - enough that the paint is less "tacky" as you drag your brush along paper, but not so much that it's runny or translucent. It takes a couple of attempts sometimes!
2. Also for the current WIP that I posted earlier, like the vast majority of my traditional pieces, keep in mind that it's mixed media. So I assume you're referring to the blue-green gradient on the bird and wondering how I got the gouache to blend like that - it's actually colouring pencils! I'll often switch between dry and wet media, even layer them back and forth, whatever makes the most sense to get the effect I want 😁
3. On that note, when you're working with paint, or any medium really, I can't recommend enough having a "test" sheet that you do both before and during a traditional piece. It allows you try out different medium combos, see what shade your gouache will dry into, and catch any issues before it ends up on your artwork. I often see artists being encouraged to just Bob Ross their way through a piece, the idea being that you'll just have happy little accidents that you'll naturally work into the piece - maybe, but you'll also possibly irreversibly wreck your hard work and have to start again. I don't know, I'm just a methodical person I guess, but seeing someone just directly apply something to the page when they're not sure what it's going to do makes me wince - no two art supplies are the same! All of those paints and pens have different chemical makeups, there's an unlimited number of ways what you're using could interact, good or bad.
Since it's already there, I usually reuse one of the leftover failsons from the process of making the wash background, then test everything on top of that. That way you can see exactly what shade the paint will dry on top of whatever colour the background is:
Doesn't need to look good, nobody sees it (usually) and you can also test the thickness of your brushstrokes while you're at it.
Anyway, I hope this helps!
#might have geeked out a little too much about art supplies but hopefully it's helpful :'D#I will be posting a process video of this WIP soon though which I hope will also give people some tips!#art help#art tips#art reference#asks
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cullens w/ a reader who lovesss to cuddle?
The Cullens with a Cuddly S/O
Currently fighting the sleep demons rn so Idk if this will even make sense but whatever full send
Thank you for requesting and I hope you like this
Edward:
We already know he's down
I mean like half of the first book/movie is him watching Bella sleep
He just likes to be nearby
So cuddling up to your side is no burden to him
He'll ask a lot if you're too cold or if you want him to move
He just wants you to be comfortable
After you've established that you do, indeed, like his cuddles, expect them all the time
If the time or place allows him to be right by your side, he is there
"Hey I just rented a new movie, do you wanna come over and watch it?"
"What movie?"
"Uh-"
"I'm on my way, have my blankets ready."
Alice:
She's a pretty energetic person
So I feel like she'd need to either be doing something or talking
So yes she will cuddle, but she needs the TV on
Or she needs to be talking your ear off
She loves being so close though
She's like a lizard she loves the warmth
She doesn't mind if you fall asleep, she'll keep talking
But especially if it's late at night, she loves being so close to you
Btw she's the little spoon or literally laying on top of you
I would recommend investing in a nice heated blanket
Jasper:
I have a feeling he'd love it
He strikes me as the type to be able to stare at a wall for hours on end and not get bored
So he doesn't mind laying with you the whole night
He would lay in one spot for days if you wanted him to
He would be so happy when you asked him the first time though
He has a bit of a hard time grasping that you actually do love him, so small reminders like this go a long way
Is another one who's hyper-aware
Constantly making sure you're comfortable
He would find your even breaths and calm mind soothing
It's his new favorite couples activity btw
Rosalie:
I've mentioned it before but I think she's active at all hours
Either she's at school, hunting, or working on her cars
She just doesn't like to be bored
So cuddling isn't her favorite
Not to say she won't do it
Just that she won't do it for super long stretches of time
She'll cuddle for a movie, or until you go to sleep
But then she likes to get back to doing something
It's understandable, you can go to sleep, she can't
If you ask her to, though, she will stay the whole night
And she won't complain
She also doesn't have a preference on cuddling position
Emmett:
He's definitely more into like casual cuddling
Does that make sense?
Like he loves holding you close on the couch while he's watching a game
And he loves sitting you in his lap when he's playing a card game or doing homework
But he doesn't really like laying in bed for hours
So sort of similar to Rosalie
He just gets restless
He's squirmy too
He wakes you up throughout the night because he moves so much
Cruel injustice
But on the bright side, if he was able to sleep he'd be a loud ass snorer so at least you don't have to deal with that
Esme:
She would be another snuggle enjoyer
She loves the closeness of it
It makes her feel so connected to you
And she has no qualms about when or where
It's the middle of the day and she's outside working on the garden but you want to cuddle?
Okay just let her shower first
She would prefer to be the little spoon
Idk why that's just how it is
Carlisle:
Carlisle "Cuddle" Cullen
Anytime, anywhere
He just misses you a lot when he's at work
So he loves to make up for lost time by having you right there with him
Loves doing paperwork with you in his lap
Or having his arms around you at all times
And of course he will lay with you for the whole night
He tends to lay on his back
But that's just his natural
He will move however you need him to
He only cuddles fully clothed tho
He knows he's cold
So he knows you will need the extra layers between you two
Vampire! Bella:
She's always down
Sleeping is one of the things she misses the most about being human
So laying there with you while you sleep is the closest she can get to the real thing
She likes to cuddle while facing you
Face to face yk
But her one bad habit is that she forgets that she is freezing
Chronically puts her hands under your shirt or her toes behind your knees
"Ah! Cold!"
"Shit, sorry"
#alice cullen#bella swan#carlisle cullen#edward cullen#esme cullen#jasper cullen#jasper hale#rosalie hale#rosalie cullen#emmett cullen#alice cullen x reader#bella swan x reader#carlisle cullen x reader#edward cullen x reader#esme cullen x reader#emmett cullen x reader#jasper cullen x reader#jasper hale x reader#rosalie hale x reader#rosalie cullen x reader
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Lol, this is from my own current personal angst in my life but I was thinking it can be used for an angsty Rafe x Reader. I have very low self esteem, I don't think I look pretty so I have a hard time accepting that a guy could be interest in me or find me appealing, especially cuz guys have called ''mid''. Right now I'm talking to THE sweetest guy. THE most greenest flag of all. Super respectful, mature and kind. I had a freakout and pushed him away, wanted to stop talking. He got super upset, send me a drunk text basically being like ''I'm so attracted to u and your everything I've ever dreamt of. I just wanna make you happy and make you smile. Your so special to me. I keep saying that your beautiful, amazing and gorgeous but you won't hear it. Please don't let your insecurites get in the way of us. I fkn miss you'' I mean...hey feel free to take whatever inspiration you want from that, change it, build on it, whatever you want! We just want a sappy head over heels Rafe who is heartbroken being pushed away (but with a happy ending)
a/n tysm for sharing this with me! and please don’t let your doubts get in the way of your happiness. you are BEAUTIFUL and you MATTER ❤️🩹 i hope u like this little piece.
warnings rafe cameron x fem!reader, reader with low self esteem, situationship, angst, fluff, rafe being a sweetheart
Rafe couldn’t really tell when it started, but he could feel it in your forced smiles and short responses. He tried to convince himself it was nothing, but the ache in his chest told him otherwise. Every attempt to figure out what he had done wrong was met with your dismissive shrug and a short, “I’m fine.”
But what Rafe didn’t know about was the chaos in your mind. You liked him—really liked him—but your insecurities were keeping you from letting yourself fall completely. You couldn’t ignore the way girls seemed to flirt with Rafe at parties, the way people whispered that you weren’t pretty or cool enough, to be with someone like him. It didn’t matter how many times he told you that you were beautiful—the doubt in your mind drowned out his words. So, you began to pull away, convinced it was only a matter of time before he realized you weren’t what he wanted.
And that’s why Rafe ended up going to this party alone, although it should have been a night that you two spend together. You had promised to go, only to back out at the last minute with a stupid excuse about not feeling well. Rafe knew you were lying. Obviously he didn’t want to go without you, but after Topper wouldn’t stop begging him, he gave in.
He spent the first hour trying to lose himself in the crowd, nursing a beer and pretending to laugh at Topper’s jokes, but it was useless. Every girl who tried to flirt with him only reminded him of you, and every drink made the knot in his chest tighten. Eventually, he escaped out into the yard, needing space to think—or maybe just to breathe.
The cool night air sobered him slightly, but not enough to stop him from pulling out his phone. His fingers hovered over your contact before he finally hit call. It rang three times before you picked up.
“Rafe?” You said softly, voice trembling slightly. You winced at how vulnerable you sounded.
“hi, baby.” he said, his voice breaking slightly before going right in. “What’s going on with you? Please, just tell me. Did I do something? Did I hurt you somehow? Because if I did, fuck I swear to God, I didn’t mean to.”
Your throat tightened, guilt twisting in your stomach. He sounded so desperate, so unlike the confident, self-assured Rafe you knew. You didn't know what to say, how to explain something you couldn't even fully understand yourself.
“Talk to me, y/n,” he pleaded. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep guessing what’s wrong. I care about you too much to lose you like this.” His voice cracked, and he raked a hand through his hair, his frustration spilling over. “I’m completely crazy about you. I don’t care about anyone else. You’re it for me. You’re the only one I want.”
Your heart shattered at his words. He cared about you, really cared about you. But how could he? How could someone like Rafe Cameron, with his perfect smile and effortless charm, care about someone like you?
"Rafe..." you whispered, unsure of what to say. “No,” he interrupted. “You have no idea how much you mean to me. I think about you all the time—when I wake up, when I go to sleep. You’re all I want, y/n. And if there’s even a part of you that feels the same way—then please, stop pushing me away.”
The silence that followed was unbearable. Rafe leaned against a tree, his heart pounding so loudly it drowned out everything else. Then he heard you breathe out, followed by muffled sobs, which you tried so hard to suppress by pressing your palm over your mouth. You wanted to believe him, wanted to let his words sink in and erase all your doubts. But the fear was still there.
“I didn’t think I was enough for you,” you finally whispered, voice trembling. “You could have anyone, Rafe. And people keep saying I don’t deserve you, and maybe they’re right.”
“Are you kidding me?” he said, his voice rising as he couldn’t believe that you’d actually think that. “Baby, you’re more than enough. You’re everything. Don’t let what other people say get in your head. They don’t know you. They don’t know us.”
Your sniffle came through the line, and he could picture you wiping your tears, head bowed like it always was when you were upset. “I just… I didn’t want to hold you back.”
“You’re not holding me back,” he replied softly. “You’re the only thing keeping me sane.” He paused. “Please, just let me in. Let me prove to you how much you mean to me.”
The sincerity in his voice was undeniable, and you believed him. Believed that he was serious about you two. “Okay.” You said. Relief washed over him, and he exhaled shakily. “Okay,” he repeated, his lips curving into a smile. “I’m coming to you right now.”
Your eyes widened, “No, Rafe, you don’t have to—”
“I want to,” he said firmly. “Stay where you are. I’m coming to you. We’ll figure this out together.” And with that, he ended the call, his heart pounding with determination. He didn’t care what anyone else thought. You were his, and he wasn’t going to let you go.
#blurbs ₊˚⊹♡#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron fluff#rafe cameron x you#rafe x reader
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❛𝘚𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵❜ - L.F (SKZ)
synopsis. Felix feels soft at the sight of his pregnant wife.
pairings. felix x reader!
content. sfw, husband!felix, pregnant!reader.
wc. 620
a/n. A very smooth continuation of ‘A little dramatic’ as I saw that many people liked that one.
part 1: ‘A little dramatic’
Don't forget to comment, so I know you like what I write and encourage me to keep writing.
"You shouldn't be drinking this."
"Felix, I have no problem with drinking this."
"But the baby..."
"The baby enjoys it, our little bean like it." Y/N took her husband's hand to let it rest on her belly.
How round and soft it was the poor man couldn't help but not smile.
"Y/N..."
"Come and hold me, drinking coke won't hurt me, it was just a little sip." Felix shook his head.
"Don't be stubborn and give me that." He snatched the empty bottle from her hands, making a mental note with throwing away all the cans that were in the fridge. "My love, the doctor said you couldn't drink these kinds of beverages, I'll make you a natural flavoured juice, okay? Healthier, healthier, and our baby will enjoy it."
Y/N groaned nodding, ignoring the sympathetic look on her husband's face.
She knew she had a commitment to eating and drinking healthy things, however; Jisung had brought a box with cans of soda that ended up forgotten in her fridge in the end, she couldn't help but grab just one can to take a mini sip of that cold Coke.
"You're so obnoxious. Baby, I hope and you don't go out like your dad, or I'll be very upset." She muttered. Her hands slid down her swollen seven month belly, in two more weeks she would be eight and you couldn't be anything but excited about it.
"I heard you, but I know our precious baby will look like you, I hope he does," the blond man confessed genuinely, sitting down next to you after leaving the full can of soda on the bedside table next to his bed. His hand never leaving your belly.
"Seven months in my belly, of course he have to." Y/N groaned, glad to feel Felix move closer and wrap his arms around you to lift your belly a little, letting you breathe.
"Do you want anything special, are you hungry, honey?"
"I don't think so, just you please... or well yeah, can you make me eat those cheddar cinnamon rolls you made the other night?"
"It tasted gross, are you sure you want that?"
"You're talking to someone pregnant, dumb. Of course I want to eat that." She groaned again after the sense of relief she felt at being in her cloying husband's arms.
"Stop doing that..." Felix pressed his lips to her neck, hiding his face in the crook of his beloved's neck. "I love you both so much...you make me so happy Y/N, I thank God for giving me the chance to be able to be with you and to have the chance to have a baby, our sweet love...I love you so much, love of my life..."
Felix's eyes glazed over, breaking his voice at the end of his little speech, "you don't know how much I love you."
Felix began to cry, clinging to Y/N's body who smoothly turned around so she could hug him.
"I'm not leaving, Lixie, why are you crying, my sweet heart?"
"I don't know..."
"I'm the one who should be crying not you, stop crying, my love."
"It’s just that you make me so happy, so happy that I don't know how to express it."
"Everything you do for me is your way of expressing it, look, you even got me pregnant, what other proof of love do you need to get rid of that insecurity? I love you, with all my soul... and body."
Felix sobbed once more, clinging to his wife's body again. Inhaling your lavender scent, caressing your hair and letting his heart go out to her.
He felt at home.
And you felt loved.
#felix x reader#skz felix#skz stay#skz imagine#skz x reader#stray kids#drabble#one shot#skz#skz fanfic#skz fluff#skz imagines#stray kids x you#felix
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There comes a certain sadness in being a regressor without a caregiver, but also one who's severely traumatized and neglected. Finding comfort in dark moments by tumblr caregiver posts, feeling like someone cares. Not entirely understanding nostalgia and getting sad when seeing posts about favorite childhood snacks, movies, activities because you never grew up on them. Feeling awkward while playing and or having to relearn it because it wasn't really a thing. I wasn't allowed or given many toys at all. Seeing other regressors happily posting about their caregiver, feeling bittersweet. I'm glad they have them, they deserve happiness and support- but will I ever get that? I hope one day that's me too. Living through cartoons: wishing you had a friend group, family, or whatever like those characters. Happy endings. Imagining lots of scenarios or talking to character.ai cg characters, wanting it to be real so bad. Wanting a caregiver, yet being so scared about being a "difficult" regressor or needing "too much care and comfort." Wishing there was just someone to hold me and pat my head while tiny, playing with my hair and giving me their full attention. It would feel weird, really weird- I don't get attention much, but I'd hope that little me would be okay and happy with that. Bottom line, I hope for the fun days and happy ending of finding someone who will love me and accept my regression. If there's any regressors out there with c-PTSD, trauma, or really just anything that makes them fearful they won't ever get it- please keep trying. One day. I always tell myself that I'm sure I'll be so happy in the future, and look back on moments like these going "she was strong. she didnt know of the moonlight that would hug her everyday, yet she still pushed through- she made it"
#sfw agere#agere#agere community#agere post#agere blog#age regressor#sfw regression#age regression#agere sfw#agere caregiver#age regression caregiver#sfw caregiver#caregiver blog#fictional caregiver#cglre community#cglre#cglre little
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voicelines about you: as their lover !
featuring: imbibitor lunae, jing yuan, gepard. (+ jingliu and kafka)
notes: headcanons! some might be ooc HELP. i couldn't resist writing for hsr man… also jingliu and kafka sneak bc mmm i love morally questionable women 🤩. gn!reader. reader is not trailblazer. some fluff, some angst (?) kinda. reblogs are very much appreciated!
Imbibitor Lunae (Danheng IL)
About [Name]: They're one of the few people who's never condemned me for Danfeng's sins, nor ever tried to get me to own up to them. Their presence is very comforting to me. My lover? *coughs* Y-yes, they are.
About [Name]: Selfies Aside from March, [Name] always seems to ask me to take photos with their camera. Hm? No, I don't really mind. If it makes them feel happy, then that's enough reason for me to agree.
About [Name]: Photo Albums [Name] made an Express photo album with March yesterday. Yeah, pictures of our adventures and memories, according to them. It's in the Data Bank, so just ask me if you want to take a look at it.
Gepard Landau
About [Name]: [Name] is the most amazing individual I've met. Their determination and their will to pursue their goals to the fullest… I'm proud to call them my lover. Oh, ah… Was that too forward?
About [Name]: Lending a Hand Oftentimes, Serval asks [Name] to help her carry some things for her workshop. Although the times I get to personally help out are rare due to my duties, I still make it a point to support them by asking the Silvermane Guards to keep an eye out for them and help carry my sister's things for them if it's too heavy. Of course. They're always my top priority.
About Serval: Nagging Every time Serval stops by my post, it usually means [Name]'s run into some difficulties, which I try to help them out in. While her telling me about my lover's state is greatly appreciated, she always nags and teases me being a fool for them and… *sigh* No, it's alright, really. I'm thankful that my sister cares about [Name] and goes out of her way to talk to them for me. Still, I do hope her nagging would decrease next time.
Jing Yuan
About [Name]: Hm? [Name]? Yes, they're indeed my lover. Hehe, now that you've brought them up, I should go look for them. I'm afraid I've grown so used to the feeling of laying my head on their lap that no other pillow can suffice. Ah, what a predicament…
About [Name]: Spending Time Together While I do enjoy dozing off, [Name] makes a point to let me rest at a more appropriate place, instead of at the Seat of The Divine Foresight, buried under a mountain of paperwork. Oftentimes, I do as they say, but when I'm not and just craving their presence… Heh, now that's another matter entirely.
(BONUS! - Yanqing's Voiceline) About [Name]: Oh, [Name]? They always give me some extra allowance for buying swords, buying me sweets and food I like… Of course I won't say no to that! Sometimes, them being with me when I'm being scolded by the General for my expenses helps a lot. Probably because they're the only one the General can't say no to.
Jingliu
About [Name]: ….Do you really think you have the right to know about them? This is a warning. Try to ask again and perhaps you'll be faced with the end of my blade as my answer.
About [Name]: Soothed The whispers of the marastruck, succumbing to the Abundance… They are the only one able to calm the storm of my thoughts. For that, I am grateful for their patience and their kindness.
(BONUS 2! - Jing Yuan's Voiceline) About Name: While Master's current state is one of irreparable damage, at the very least… She has someone to hold onto while she grapples with the curse of mara. Even if I don't quite believe she's the Jingliu I knew from before, I know that her feelings for [Name] are sincere. I just hope she doesn't end up hurting them in the process.
Kafka
About [Name]: Aha, now thats a question I didn't expect to hear from you. My lover? Yes, [Name] is that to me. I very much enjoy their love and affection, you know. Even if it isn't on the script, I'd still mention them. Quite romantic of me, no?
About [Name]: Trophy They always, always chide me about me ruining my velvet coats when we finish up a script. What's wrong with a little blood? I keep most of them as trophies. There's one I'm especially fond of, too. They think it's rather embarassing that I keep the coat from the time they got injured on the job. Although the stains have long since turnt black, there's still a faint scent of iron in it. Hm? What do I mean by that? Heh, let's just say I don't take any harm coming to [Name] lightly. While they call it a reminder of their lack of caution, I'd rather call it a little show of my affection~
About [Name]: Destiny's Course Elio refused to tell me about what my future with them would be, saying that the path in that choice is quite difficult to discern, and I think it's for the best. I suppose if [Name] decided to leave the Stellaron Hunters, hm, would locking them up till they can't leave me anymore suffice….? Haha, just kidding. I wouldn't let them leave in the first place.
© 𝐌𝐇𝐈𝐈𝐄𝐄𝐄 : do not repost, copy, or plagiarize my work.
#dan heng#hsr x reader#hsr x gender neutral reader#dan heng x reader#gepard landau#gepard x you#hsr gepard#gepard x reader#gepard x gender neutral reader#hsr kafka#kafka honkai star rail#kafka x reader#jingliu x reader#jing yuan#jing yuan hsr#jing yuan x reader#imbibitor lunae#mhie's spirals
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every dead end street led you straight to me !!!
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which no one knows how they're both each other's daylight.
or
for when you find the one you were meant to find all along. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚
social media au // f1 drivers x platonic!driver!fem!reader // milo manheim x fem!reader
warnings - language
author's note - i am SO sorry for leaving u all but i had my finals going on and now i am DONE with school i just have my college entrance exams left and then im free free FREEEEEE !!!! i love u all sm thank you <333 i hope u like this !!
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
liked by milomanheim, lewishamilton, carmenmmundt and 2,528,519 others
yourusername me n baby boy
edit : he says it's baby MAN i disagree ☝️‼️
11,528 comments
username NAHHHH HOLD UP ☝️☝️☝️☝️
username who u calling baby boy 😞
username gf reveal his face we won't be mean to him pls pls pslase
username screaming what in the world in this
username y/n soft launching her man wasn't on my bingo card this year like OH KAY
username bf reveal when ‼️‼️‼️
username LMAOOOO THE EDIT
username cannot wait for the grid to be summoned and be Weird
landonorris i thought i was the baby boy
-> yourusername girl u r a problem species
-> yourusername he says u can be his baby boy tho 🫵🫵
-> landonorris no thanks
-> yourusername FUCK UUUU FUCKKKKKK U - the bf
-> username lord what is this
username speechless who is THAT
username milo 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 did u get lost 🤨🤨🤨🤨
-> milomanheim wdym i'm not even here
-> username gaslighter 🫵🫵
username cannot wait for race weekend it's gonna be sooooooo fun 🤞🗣️🗣️🗣️
alexandrasaintmleux the cutest 💘
-> yourusername no u 🫵🫵🫵
-> charles_leclerc stop trying to steal my girlfriend please
-> yourusername stop flirting with my bf maybe ?????
-> alexandrasaintmleux charles ?
-> charles_leclerc this isn't what it looks like
username y/n casually wrecking homes and stealing her colleagues gfs lile yasssss queen i support it
-> username support women's rights and wrongs 🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️🤞🤞🤞
username madly obsessed with her this is life altering to me
milomanheim real life angel visited the angel store !!!!!!! employees must've been happy
-> maxverstappen1 biblically accurate angel but sure
-> yourusername i pray on ur downfall every minute
milomanheim "baby boy" wasn't even directed at me and i blushed
-> yourusername homewrecker vibes stay AWAY!!!! 🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺
-> milomanheim wow
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
liked by yourusername, landonorris, alex_albon and 2,157,816 others
milomanheim ur in her dms i'm on google searching nutrient rich soils i'd keep her in if she was a worm
10,996 comments
username DEAD GONE DECEASED SIX FEET UNDER
username usually i don't get men but like,,,,,,okayyyyshajshsjsjsd haha hi!!!!!!!!!
username HANDS HANDS HANDS HANDS HANDS HANDS HANDS HANDS HANDS
*liked by yourusername*
-> username MISS GIRL WTFFF
-> username no y/n get UPPPPP
username prettiest boy oh my god
username not to alarm anyone but half the grid is here and i am having Thoughts
username Y/N??? LANDO??? ALEX???
-> username my met gala honestly
alex_albon delete the caption before lily sees it 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
-> milomanheim let the queen know she shouldn't settle for less ☝️🗣️
-> lilymhe yeah alex you're being a 🚩🚩🚩 right now
-> alex_albon oh god
username ALEX AND LILY BEING BSF WITH MILO????? WHAT IS THIS????? WHAT WILL BE NEXT????? LEWIS GIVING HIM FASHION ADVICE????? CHARLES SAYING SOME INCOHERENT SHIT?????
-> username baby breathe
-> username FUCK OFF LUCAS
lewishamilton i see someone's challenging my paddock icon title
-> milomanheim watch your back hamilton (U ARE ICONIC I COULD NEVER U ALWAYS POP OFF KING LIKE EAT UP EVERY SINGLE TIME)
-> lewishamilton i really like you
-> milomanheim DIED
username i feel things looking at those pictures OH MY GOD
username no bc if y/n and milo are together i will simply combust bc HAVE U SEEN THEM???? I BI PANIC I BI PANICKED
username everyday i wake up and bless god for milo manheim ❤️
username the way i KNOW he posted this for y/n like just trust me
-> username girl they don't even know each other ☝️
-> username TRUST ✊✊✊
yourusername HANDS HANDS HANDS HANSD HSNDS
*this comment was deleted*
yourusername nice
-> milomanheim ty
yourusername i see the vibe we went for was "raided grandpa's closest that was in my inheritance"
-> milomanheim sadly the only thing i inherited
-> yourusername that and those genes 😮💨
-> milomanheim that too 🥰
-> username oh yeah they're dating alright 👍
yourusername the filter is so cool
-> milomanheim ahahahahhaa rhank y
-> milomanheim thank you********
yourusername 🦕
-> milomanheim why
-> yourusername cute
-> milomanheim yes u are
-> username THE GASP I JUST GASPED
username y/n's engagement under this post goes WILD like
-> username girlie really commented the most random bullshit
username i bet the driver's gc is going CRAZY rn
-> username somewhere on this earth there is a george russell yelling at everyone in the gc to keep it strictly for professional things
-> username russell george i am sorry they are putting u through that😞😞😞
username MILOOOOOOOOOO AND Y/N IM SCREAMING
≡;- ꒰ °instagram stories ꒱
yourusername added to their close friends' stories
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
liked by milomanheim, maxverstappen1, lilymhe and 2,517,986 others
yourusername there are things (inappropriate stuff) i wanna say to u (my BOYFRIEND) but i'll just let u (my COLLEAGUES) live
11,962 comments
username she's so real for this
username speak ur truth queen 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
username her pr team is trying so HARD like i feel like they don't get paid enough to deal with all this
-> yourusername i'll take that as a compliment thank u
username the power couple and we don't even know who he is
-> username mama y papa
-> username honestly they eat up everyone with these pictures
username hidden and secret and private??? girl really picked out her battles
username LOVE LOVE LOVEEEE this for her
landonorris thank you because i saw what you texted him this morning and osc had to physically stop me from bathing with bleach
-> yourusername why are u acting as if u literally didn't just straight up ask us if we "needed a third"
-> landonorris LIES SHE LIES SHE'S A LIAR
-> oscarpiastri mate the entire paddock was there
-> landonorris details but like..........do u
-> yourusername do we what.
-> landonorris ............need a third
-> mclaren oh hello ! guess who just lost their phone PRIVILEGES
username screaming bc they're already parents
-> username he's an absent father but ok
username babe come home the kids and the cats and the cow and that goat miss u ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
username mother never misses
username lewis WISHES he was her
-> yourusername RIGHTTTT
-> lewishamilton roscoe's godmother privileges REVOKED
username f1 grid will never fail to make to laugh bc what do u mean lando asked y/n and the bf if he needed a third and what do u MEAN that y/n is roscoe's godmother
username live laugh toaster bath sayonara 😞
-> username felt this in my bones
milomanheim speak out ur truth queen !!!!!!
-> yourusername i did
-> charles_leclerc is that why he's redder than my car righOH MY GOD PEOPLE CAN SEE YOU
-> yourusername charles LOOK AWAY !!!!!!
-> username no bc
-> username oh
-> username she bout to be yelled at by her manager i can FEEL her anger rn
username that man better know how to fight bc the grid can and WILL come for him if he does something
-> milomanheim i am scared
-> yourusername uh
-> milomanheim for him i mean haha autocorrect
-> username did he just
-> username oh yeah
-> username all that build up and for milo to just
-> username guess who's sleeping on the couch
milomanheim before u say anything
-> yourusername i am SO disappointed rn
-> milomanheim I'M SORRY
-> yourusername :(( i had 3 months of soft/hard launch planned with annotations and notes
-> milomanheim we can still do that!!! anything u want!!!
milomanheim i love u
-> yourusername ok
-> milomanheim girl
-> yourusername wow ok damn i love u more then ig 😒
-> milomanheim ❤️
-> username fuck u both STOP RUINING SINGLE PEOPLE'S LIVES
-> username crazy about them
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, charles_leclerc and 2,317,637 others
milomanheim something about how taylor swift said every dead end street led u straight to me 💘
tagged yourusername
11,628 comments
username I SCREECHED OH MY GOD
username we knew but OH MY GOD THE REVEAL
username and everyone cheered
username roman empire or roman empire
username THAT DOODLE IS SO CUTE WHAT THE FUCK I WILL CRY RN
-> yourusername it's how he won me over
-> milomanheim wait actually
-> yourusername yes 🥰
-> milomanheim i thought it was me saying PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE till u agreed
-> yourusername that probably sealed the deal 💘
-> username i love how he's so "golden retriever" bf and she's "just proud of him in whatever case" gf
-> username truly mom and dad
username i don't wanna hear bitches say love ain't real anymore bc how do u explain THIS
username taylor wrote that song for them trust she told me herself
username WHAT THE FUCK THE LEGO FLOWERS IM CRYING
-> username he set the bar so high it's a dash at this point
username in love with both of them honestly
username crying LOOK AT THEM!!!!!
landonorris how you've both grown up! i still remember the first time she saw you and cried to me about how fucking pretty you are :)
-> milomanheim OHHHH ????
-> yourusername im gonna jump u this weekend WATCH UR FUCKING BACK
-> username nah bc y/n is so real for this
username milo with that drawing is so "what if i told u i'm a mastermind"
-> username NAH HONESTLY
-> username bro prophesied his relationship
username if my relationship isn't like this then i don't want it 💔💔💔
username lord i see how kind u have been to others
username and adding onto my 252719262 reasons we have THIS
username all the love songs in the universe are about them fyi !!!!!!
username AHHSHSHSHDHSJJDJDNX 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
yourusername also about how she said i wanna teach u how forever feels
-> milomanheim nah bc u will like where r u gonna go 🤨
-> yourusername baby we were having a cute moment there
-> milomanheim BABY 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️‼️😬😬😬😬🤞🤞🤞🤞🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯
-> charles_leclerc give him some time he's buffering
-> username something tells me that this is a very regular occurrence
-> oscarpiastri it is
yourusername my baby's fit like a daydream
-> milomanheim 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️❤️❤️❤️❤️‼️‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯🥰🥰🥰🥰☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️
-> username what is happening
-> oscarpiastri just give him some time
yourusername not to be a hopeful romantic loser on the main but i find u in every love song i listen to so yea
-> milomanheim look at u being nice for once
-> yourusername boy i will block u
yourusername love u
-> milomanheim who love me
-> yourusername *i* love you
-> milomanheim ilyt
-> username NO HE DID NOT 😭😭😭
-> username bro needs to learn how to hesitate
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
liked by milomanheim, francisca.cgomes, alexandrasaintmleux and 2,785,159 others
yourusername if the whole world was watching i'd still dance with u
tagged milomanheim
12,628 comments
username GOODBYE
username this post right here your honour
username the way i teleported to the railway track
username SCREAMING SJSJTRBCUCJ
username pls block me b4 posting happy stuff (im so happy i cry)
landonorris you can't even order on your own sir DOWN
-> yourusername FUCK UUUUU OMG
username i just ascended to the pearly gates
username DRIVE HIGHWAYS AND BYWAYS TO BE THERE WITH U
-> username OVER AND OVER THE ONLY TRUTH
-> username EVERYTHING COMES BACK TO YOU
-> username i shed tears
username they're literally winning in life BOTH OF THEM
username NOT HIM PEELING ORANGES FOR HER IM GONNA SCREAM
username the orange theory is true and it's real because y/n and milo just proved it argue with air
username is no one gonna talk about how his name is saved as "mylo(ve) <3333"
-> username i had to take SEVERAL deep breaths so as to not break down in front of my family
-> username no one's doing it like them
username IN A WORLD OF BOYS HE'S A GENTLEMAN
*liked by yourusername*
lilymhe with me obviously 🙄
-> yourusername obviously
-> milomanheim 😧
-> alex_albon 😧
username if he doesn't stand outside my window with a sign asking when can he see me HE IS NOT THE ONE
-> username FRRRRR like stop‼️settling‼️for‼️less‼️
username going crazy over these photos like there's SO MUCH content
username y/n feeding us those milo crumbs
-> username nah she gave us whole PLATES with utensils and all ☝️☝️☝️
username i truly cannot wait for milo to be in her garage bc we all know that they're stupidly in love with each other and watching them giggling and smiling and laughing will be much more entertaining than racing
-> username nah bc bro doesn't know how to function with her around
-> username i don't even blame him bc that's Y/N Y/L/N
charles_leclerc how is this relationship gonna work when none of you has the guts to go and say that they got your order wrong
-> yourusername ur saying this as if alex hasn't been the one to go up and say that u asked for no pickles
-> charles_leclerc that was classified information
-> yourusername not anymore 🤗
username i live for y/n terrorizing the grid fueled by nothing but coffee and/or spite
username they're soooooooooooo disgusting im just gonna cry in a corner bc i do not have someone to peel my oranges for me and i have to do it myself like a common peasant
milomanheim i would peel oranges for u forever dw baby i got u 🍊🍊🍊
-> yourusername this is so sweet i cried stfu
milomanheim cannot believe i get to tell everyone ur my gf like OH MY GOD 😭😭😭
-> yourusername bf
-> milomanheim gf
-> landonorris bf AND gf ?
-> yourusername STOP ASKING
milomanheim wdym i cannot love u more than life itself 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 lies bc i do love u more than life itself
-> yourusername i would sacrifice max for u
-> milomanheim doesn't mean that much bc i know u would sacrifice him for a juice box
-> maxverstappen1 OH REALLLLLLLLY
milomanheim angel 🍒
-> yourusername no u
milomanheim u make me feel all golden like daylight
-> yourusername u make me feel all i like shiny things but i'd marry u with paper rings
-> username bye y'all this was fun
-> username brb i need to test if my toaster is waterproof or not
#f1 x reader#f1 x female reader#f1 imagines#social media au#fake instagram imagines#charles leclerc x reader#lewis hamilton x reader#lando norris x reader#oscar piastri x reader#f1 x platonic!reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 smau#f1 social media au#f1 instagram au#f1 imagine#f1 grid x reader#f1 x female driver
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