#I keep hoping for happy endings that I know I won't get but I'm in too deep at this point
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eddie not having a partner and carlo getting married late bc "my homoerotic friendship is more important to me than regular sex"
#jk i guess ^ this is just a message from my friend#that scene from once upon a time in america where they were discussing max like both of them were his lovers#as zemfira sang “im an evil person; im your person” (<- she and her homoerotic friendship🤩)#and#Who showed you the stars in the morning? Who taught you to see at night?; Who if not me?#I'll always follow you; I'll always be with you; No I won't let go#and (2)#I'm holding your hand so you don't get kidnapped; There are pests lurking in alleyways in Volgas#Phone booths - we'll keep warm in them maybe; This sad saga will never end; I don't need and need; you're my loneliness#I'm not dramatizing; I'm holding your hand#The stars just happened to fall; Into my empty pockets; And left me hoping#My knees are frozen; You were happy and drunk; And something important in between#ah zemfira the queen of homoerotic friendship (<- “friendship” in question🤨🤨everyone knows what you are dear zemfira talgatovna🤨)
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Ok so far my experience with House MD is "everyone here sucks on pretty much every level possible. why do I love them so much"
#these are all the worst people alive. i need them to be happy#alas i do not think that will happen kjfhdskjfn#on s2. hooked#house md#the post is an oversimplification of course. there's a lot of interesting ethical/moral questions presented with each character#i don't-as of right now- truly think that any of them are deeply terrible people#but jesus christ some of their decisions are awful and I love it. it's such a great show#I keep hoping for happy endings that I know I won't get but I'm in too deep at this point#anyways i love that my 2 main interests rn are AG pokeani as always and house md#one's giving 'please do something interesting' and i'm digging in the dirt for characterization#poking blorbos with a stick like. hey. do something. at least try a different flower for me to analyze.#the other is giving 'oh my god holy shit okay that's enough character work oh my god you're killing him. again'
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#hello i just found out my dad might be getting another divorce and he's not telling me :))))#he might be already separated from his wife living back in my hometown with who knows who :))))))))#so he left a woman who he has cheated with on my mom and basically destroyed whole family :))))))))))))))#i don't have any reliable sources for this ans I can't ask him but it is eating me inside#and I had my suspicions since Christmas but I just thought they are having some tough period#so whenever I called him I tried to check of everything is okay and everything seemed okay#and I just hope they're still maybe just going through something but they will end up back together again#and i won't know because we don't talk about our problems in my family you need to be always happy#and god forbid you bother someone with your problems#i am sorry of this is too personal but it's making me freak out a little bit#i just can't stop thinking about it#and is it bad that I actually feel sad that I won't ever see his cats again if his wife keeps them?#ugh how the fuck can you divorce twice in your life?????#and does this mean that I also have some fucked up genes in me????#i was kinda hoping he would come to visit me for my birthday because I don't want to be alone but I doubt it will happen now#i just miss him and i want that he's hapy#okay that's enough i just needed to get this out of me#have a wonderful day everyone I'm going to take a shower because I ran 5km today so at least that's something positive
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the same thing ・❥・b. barnes
summary: during a mission, you put yourself in harm's way to protect bucky. back at the avengers compound, he wants to know why. | 1.4k words, angst with a happy ending
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
"You should be resting."
You don't turn your head as the familiar voice comes from behind you, too focused on the delicate art of making the perfect sandwich to look away. You are a woman on a mission. "I was hungry."
A few seconds later, he's standing next to you, leaning back against the countertop with arms folded across his broad chest. "It's been less than twelve hours since they patched you up."
He's not going to stop hovering, you realize, because that's what Bucky does when he's worried.
"Want half?" Maybe you can distract him with food.
He regards the towering monstrosity on the cutting board and the chaotic layers of meat, cheese, and veggies sticking out at all angles.
You can't help but grin as you slap another slice of bread on top. "A quarter, then?"
Bucky has the audacity to look offended. "I'm not eating that thing."
You cradle the plate in your left hand, holding the sandwich with your right, and give him a pointed look. "Your loss."
Bucky just watches, arms still crossed, as you take a huge bite. His blue eyes remain narrowed, his mouth pressed into a thin line. He's like a one-man intervention waiting to happen. You shrug and wander over to the kitchen table.
Sitting down is a bit of an effort. The wound on your side pulls as you slowly lower yourself onto the chair, but if you can keep from grimacing too hard, Bucky won't be able to tell, will he?
Your smile probably gives you away. He narrows his eyes further. "Why did you do that?"
"Because I'm hungry?"
"No." Bucky takes a step forward. "I meant why did you get between me and that shot?"
Good question. The answer is embarrassing and you'd sooner walk barefoot over hot coals than tell him the truth.
"Hm?"
Another step. "I have superhuman healing powers."
"I'll live."
"It was stupid."
"You're ruining my—ow," you mutter, dropping the sandwich as you instinctively put your hand over your bandage. There goes the carefully maintained poker face. You force yourself to remove your hand and look up at Bucky with what you hope is an innocent expression, even as your side throbs in protest. "My sandwich. You're ruining my sandwich. Are you sure you don't want a bite?"
Bucky is too smart to take the bait. He moves around the table, coming to stand in front of you. The whole 'arms-crossed-stern-glare' thing again. It would be intimidating if you didn't know him so well.
"You could've been killed," he's like a dog with a bone, you swear.
"But I wasn't," you say pointedly. "I'm fine."
"Fine? You were shot."
"Will you just let it go? It doesn't even...hurt...that much," you lie.
It will take a while for the super-soldier serum in your blood — a weaker variation of the same stuff that runs through Bucky's veins — to kick in and accelerate your healing.
Bucky exhales. He looks about ready to give you an earful, but then his gaze shifts and he notices the way you're holding your side, how stiffly you're sitting.
You move your traitorous hand away like you've been burned.
"How bad is it?"
"Huh?" you sound deliberately casual. Too casual. "It's...totally fine. Not bad, really. Don't worry. I don't even feel it."
There's the reason why you've never been a spy. You can't lie to save your life, apparently.
Or maybe just not to Bucky.
"Okay. It hurts, like, just a little bit...like—like not even hurts hurts, just..." you trail off with a grimace as he comes closer. "More of an itch?"
"An itch?" Bucky sounds dubious.
"More of a burn," you concede. "A...mildly annoying but totally manageable sort of a burn."
"You are a terrible liar."
"Okay, so it hurts," you snap, the last vestiges of your patience vanishing. "I have an extensive hole in my side, I get it. It's not—I don't want you to feel bad about it. It's really not terrible, I can take it."
Bucky shakes his head. "What if it had been worse? What if they'd shot you somewhere vital?"
"They didn't."
"But what if they had?"
"Then I would have died!"
Bucky looks at you like you just kicked him. "Yeah. That's what I'm trying to say."
You open your mouth, then close it.
"You think I want that?" he asks softly.
"No." You suddenly feel very small. "Of course not, I just...just..."
"Just what?"
"I don't know," you admit with a sigh. "It's just that you are...people need you, you know? And you have a life, people who care about you, but I'm just..."
A nobody. A girl with no past, who can barely make sense of her present.
"...it would be better if it was me. That's all."
"It would never be better if you were hurt."
"Bucky—"
"You don't get it, do you?" he asks in a low voice. "People need you too."
You roll your eyes. "Please. You mean the team?"
"Me," Bucky says pointedly. "You think it's easy for me? When you get hurt? It kills me."
The sandwich lays forgotten on the table, squashed flat under your clasped hands. "It...kills you?"
He just looks at you for a long moment.
Your heart flutters in your chest. You have a sudden, intense urge to break the silence with a terrible joke, a quip, something light and witty to dispel the heaviness in the air and make this moment go away. But before you can open your mouth, Bucky shakes his head.
"You kill me."
Okay, that's not where you thought this was going. "What?"
"When you say stuff like that. When you make it sound like you don't matter, like it's okay for you to get hurt. Or worse. It's not."
Oh.
"Bucky," you try again, with a more serious tone. "I don't—"
"Stop saying that," he cuts you off.
You realize your mouth is still hanging open and snap it shut.
"You want to know what I think?" Bucky is so close now you could reach out and touch him, if you were brave enough. "I think that you got this...thing in your head, that you're not good enough, or strong enough, or that you're broken somehow. I think that you forget that it's okay to want things. I think that maybe you think nobody needs you. That no one wants you."
You swallow. You're afraid to say anything, to move, because your heart is hammering against your ribs and Bucky is looking at you like he can see straight into your soul.
"But I do."
"Do...what?" you whisper.
"Want you."
It's the last thing you expect to hear. "Bucky, you don't mean that."
His voice drops an octave. "Don't tell me what I mean."
Your cheeks are burning. You feel pinned under his gaze. Your side is throbbing again and you have a mouthful of butterflies and it's all just too much.
You move to get up but only make it halfway before the wound pulls again and you wince. "Shit."
"Where do you think you're going?" Bucky reaches out to help you, one hand braced against your shoulder as you sink back down into the chair. His expression has softened. "You need to rest."
You really want to kiss him right now.
It's the closest he's ever been to you, perhaps. You can feel his breath on your face.
"I need to...? You really confuse me, Barnes."
"How so?"
"Well, first you tell me that I kill you, and then you say you want me. It's kind of a mixed message—"
"I'm not interested in being just friends with you," Bucky cuts you off abruptly. "Is that clear enough?"
Your lips part but nothing comes out. There's a warm, tingling sensation in your chest and you suddenly can't breathe properly. "That's—you—"
Bucky smirks, just a little. He looks almost...proud of himself? Like he's happy he's rendered you speechless for once.
You decide to take a page from his book and put him on the spot. "And what do you think I want?"
"I don't know," he murmurs, leaning even closer. "But I hope it's the same thing."
His lips brush against yours, soft and gentle. He pulls away and you want to chase after him but then he's back again and kissing you harder this time, all teeth and tongue and ragged breathing and heat.
You close your eyes. Your head is spinning and you can't get enough air but you're kissing him back now, both hands coming up to fist in his shirt, holding on for dear life.
His mouth trails down your neck, leaving hot kisses along your jawline. You let out a breathy sigh.
"Is that...supposed to help me heal faster, mhm?"
Bucky just smiles against your skin.
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes x fem!reader#bucky x you#bucky x reader#winter soldier x reader#winter soldier imagine#winter#soldier x fem!reader#winter soldier x you#marvel fanfic#marvel imagine#bucky barnes#scenario#bucky barnes oneshot#bucky barnes one-shot#bucky barnes one shot#bucky#barnes headcanon#mcu fanfic#mcu#mcu fanfiction#mcu imagine#headcanons#bucky barnes hcs#bucky barnes hc#bucky barnes fanfiction#barnes fanfic#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes blurb
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my way
until it reaches the void state
(this will be a long post)
1. the end, the beginning.
I knew about the law of attraction years ago thanks to social media, so there it was, like every day trying to manifest my desires.
I was fed up, every day was the same.
My heart healing and breaking everyday, the same cycle of hope and hopelessness continues.
was it always going to be like this?
would I always have to let fears take over me?
I couldn't trust, I didn't believe that just by believing I could get what I wanted but at the same time I had no other option.
I couldn't go on like this, I didn't want to go on like this, I just wanted to end my life, I gave up and cried, cried, cried thinking that this would be the end, that I wouldn't be able to be happy and that was it.
I gave up and thought I was resigned to living a shitty life.
But I cried so much that all the sadness that was in me came out, all the fears that were clinging to me came out.
That's when I felt peace, when I realized that no, I wasn't going to give up that easily, that I first have to do it and do it well, not keep trying.
So I persisted for only 2 days, as I already had my desire for that moment and yes, after 2 days my 3D had already reflected it, it was exciting.
did i reallt do that? was it just a coincidence?
No, it was really me.
I was happy for a few days until the fears returned but this time I was afraid of losing my desire, that's when I realized that fears have no meaning.
I already have it, why would I lose it?
2. I discovered Tumblr and the void state.
I didn't know what void state was, but as soon as I read about it, it caught my attention.
By then my self-concept had improved, I was still dealing with my fears but not as much as before.
So, I made a friend who explained to me more about the void state and she told me that she manifested her house through the void state.
I got excited and hopeful, I read some methods on how to get in and tried to do it, but I couldn't.
I couldn't do it, the simple idea of getting everything so easily sounded easy and fantastical to me.
But one day I realized who I really am, that I am everything, that nothing and no one has power outside of me.
I was filled with satisfaction, joy, peace, I felt like laughing knowing who I am and how easy everything is.
How did I first enter the void state?
so I had a subliminal audio playing in the background while I was meditating.
I thought...I am so powerful, I am capable of anything, I can have whatever I want whenever I want.
At that time I was very sleepy because I had taken some exams, so I just thought "my physical body is going to sleep and rest and I'm going to the void state"
After all, the void state is me and there is nothing easier than being me.
And so it happened, I entered the void state and knew that I already had everything just as I wanted, then I came out and continued sleeping while I didn't stop smiling and feeling a sensation of peace and extreme happiness.
I woke up and stood calmly until I realized what had happened...
I was scared shitless when I realized that I had entered the void state for real and that at that moment I should have everything I wanted and that was when 3d reality disappeared before my eyes.
Everything began to collapse and I felt a huge current of energy running through my entire body, as if it were a waterfall flowing inside me.
I was very scared, I won't deny it, but after all I did it.
(I swear that just as you see in the gif, that's how I felt at that moment)
The following days I couldn't stop shaking and feeling scared because I didn't understand how it was possible that 3D could disappear just like that.
Then I read someone here talking about non-dualism. @lotusmi
Then I understood my experience.
Since that day everything is much easier for me.
I have entered the void state 3 times.
that manifests?
.cure my depression.
.cure my anxiety.
.trust myself.
.longer eyelashes.
.money.
.be able to manifest easily.
.prettiest voice.
.I am spoiled.
The rest of the things I manifest are more private.
But basically for me this is the best thing that could have happened to me.
I will mention who were the bloggers that I read to understand more about the void state and about who I really am.
@gorgeouslypink
@lotusmi
@beesfairlyland
I will also mention a blogger whose information I also like and I find it cute.
@sugarplumfairy777
If you want to know more, you can send me a direct message, no problem.
#void state#pure consciousness#law of assumption#law of attraction#void state success story#reality shifting#shiftblr#loa tumblr
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vanity; jinx x fem! reader
loosely inspired by this fic by @moshuka.
summary; jinx used her looks to flirt her way out of a situation. her girlfriend isn’t happy.
characters included; jinx
tags/warnings; nsfw, porn w (some) plot, sub!jinx, dom!reader, brat!jinx, mirror sex, rough sex, strap-on use, strap-on referred to as a dick/cock, hair pulling, crying, humiliation ig?, slight degradation, use of the word ‘whore’, size queen jinx, squirting
men and minors dni.
at first, you were worried.
jinx tends to get herself into dangerous situations more often than not, way too often for her own good. it's what she's known for, after all. jinx: the mad bomber. the loose cannon. zaun's princess.
but she has a way of getting herself out of those situations. her reflexes are impeccable, her strength nearly inhuman for someone of her stature. it is inhuman, considering the shimmer coursing through her veins. weapons that she's built herself regularly save her in battle, and most of all, she's got a smartass mouth.
one that usually comes in handy, but clearly not this time.
"jinx," you start. your arms are crossed over your chest, one hip popped. you're trembling in frustration- coming apart at the edges. "i heard you were flirting with some guy who cornered you. i'm gonna be graceful and hear you out."
she bristles, and the girl's breath catches.
"what i do depends on if i like what you have to say."
you'd heard from passersby on the streets gossiping about what jinx had done. nothing stays a secret for long in zaun; there's almost always a witness, someone who can't keep their mouth shut. people love to gossip, and with that, they love to twist the truth.
so you're hoping to janna above that what you'd heard was a simple rumor. jinx being cornered by one of smeech's goons. a new one, a guy seemingly too good for the likes of this line of work. apparently not. he'd threatened jinx, gotten close to her, nearly hurt her. but instead of her usual solution of whipping out her gun and pressing the cold barrel to someone's neck as a warning, she'd flirted.
told the guy that he's young, attractive, promising. he's too good for a business like this. if he'd just leave her alone, she'd let him go without any fuss, and there would be no mess to clean up. maybe they'd even cross paths again someday.
"i didn't mean any of it, toots," her hands are raised in a mock-surrender. "he was ugly, honest!"
"i didn't ask if he was ugly," you bite. you're inching closer to her, until your noses are nearly touching. the tone in your voice tells jinx you're not fucking around- yet that makes this all the more exciting for her. "i asked you to tell me what happened."
"i didn't do anything, just flirted a little. no harm done."
"you have a gun. why didn't you use that?" you push.
jinx huffs, rolling her eyes. it only serves to piss you off even more. "i just wanted to switch it up, yanno? try something new. and it worked, didn't it? didn't have to spill any blood or nothin'. no cleanup."
"so what i heard is true?"
"depends what you heard."
"oh, you-"
that's it. you take jinx's wrist, and just about drag her to her cot. she's giggling all the way, that signature shit-eating grin plastered on her face. you wish there was blood to clean up. although you know nothing happened- jinx wouldn't dream of being unfaithful to you, this feels calculated. like she'd done it on purpose, just to get under your skin. she was probably sitting in her hideout, just waiting for someone to start talking.
you want nothing more than to slap that grin off of her, make her grovel and apologize and make it up to you.
but you won't. with a quick motion, jinx is flung onto her cot. she gasps, but doesn’t move from her sitting position, doesn’t stop fucking grinning.
"come oooon! you're always telling me i'm soooo pretty. i’m like a work of art.” she comes to lazily toss around the end of one of her braids, playing with it the same way she’s playing with you. “maybe i just wanted to use that to my advantage.”
gods damn it.
you come to stand closer to jinx, looming over the girl. she’s still sitting on her cot, nice and pretty. she looks so innocent, so sweet, if you didn’t know any better, you’d think she actually was. too bad you do know better. your forefinger and thumb grasp her chin, forcing her to look at you. your thumb lazily traces along her plump bottom lip.
“oh, you’re pretty, alright.” your thumb pushes past her lips, flattening against her tongue. “gorgeous, even. but that doesn’t mean you go around using those looks like a fucking whore.”
jinx would be smiling right now, but her mouth is… occupied, not sucking, not licking at your thumb, but letting you do what you must. you withdraw it as quickly as it was put in, wiping her spit on her bare shoulder.
“you’re all talk,” she gasps. “not gonna do a damn thing about it, are you?”
“do you want me to?”
“sure.”
“do you deserve it?”
“does it matter?”
it’s then that you flip her onto her stomach.
“take those clothes off. get back on the cot- face down, ass up. i’ll be back.”
no time is wasted walking to another platform in her hideout and swiping the shattered mirror from one of her tables, and a strap-on from one of her drawers.
you place the mirror directly in front of jinx’s cot, and to no surprise, jinx is completely bare now. her perfect heart of an ass in the air, pussy nearly glistening in the dim light with her arousal. she’s braced herself on her hands, and she isn’t moving, but you can tell by the way her arousal is already dripping down her inner thighs that she’s eager.
it’s a sight straight out of a porn film. the mad bomber, desperate and wanton. maybe you’ll buy a polaroid camera for next time, really capture the moment.
“ugh, toots, are you just gonna stand there, or are ya gonna fuck me?” she whines, only interrupted by the sound of the harness fastening around your hips.
“you’re not exactly in a place to make demands right now.”
you lean over her, your breasts pushing into the smooth skin of her back and your lips almost touching her ear.
“‘revolver’, if it gets too much.” you whisper.
and with that, the tip pushes past her folds. bright pink and dusted with glitter, about 8.5in and girthy. a large task for a small girl, but jinx insists she can take anything you give her.
“hngh- fuck!” she whines out, already beginning to buckle. you’ve got one hand rested on jinx’s hip, the other trailing down her side- her shoulder, the grooves of her ribs, her tiny waist, until it finds purchase on her other hip and you push into her.
another lewd cry falls from her lips. you’re barely even halfway in, and she’s already panting and moaning so pitifully. maybe another day you would’ve taken pity on jinx, but not after the shit she pulled.
“come on,” you coo. “can’t take it?”
“i didn’t- agh, say that-” she pants. the girl’s form is beginning to tremble, but you don’t waver. you ram the rest of the toy into her hole, which brings a borderline pathetic wail from her. the way her greedy hole is impaled by your cock is a sight you wish you could burn into your mind. if she were on her back, you bet you'd be able to see it from inside her stomach, but that can wait for another time.
“fuck- fuck! too big!”
“too big, huh? should’ve thought about that before you went and threw yourself at some guy.”
you ease the strap out of her, before slamming it back in. positively prying your girlfriend open. you then take one of jinx’s long twin braids in your hands, looping it once around your wrist and yanking. forcing her to look up.
she gasps with the motion, yet somehow, she still has the willpower to defy you. squeezing her eyes shut and grunting. you jerk her braid farther back, jinx hissing at the stinging pain.
“look at yourself.” you demand.
it’s then that you move. a slow pace at first, in, out, in, out. drawing wet squelches from her cunt with every thrust. she’s shaking and thrashing and whining, but you can’t deny the way jinx’s cunt sucks you in, clenches around you. greedy and sopping, as if it was made to take your dick.
“aah, hhhng- oh! oh!”
your pace is quickening, and you can hear the skin of your hips slapping into her ass. jiggling ever so slightly with each movement, but the best thing is the mirror.
there’s multiple images of the scene in the shattered glass. the sight is something right out of a dirty magazine; you pounding jinx’s poor, abused pussy from behind. jinx struggling to support her upper body despite her strength, you tugging at one of her braids and forcing her to look directly at her reflection. small tits bouncing with each thrust, plump lips open and the slightest bit of drool dribbling down her chin.
“do you see it?” you pant, the base of the toy nudging your clit with each thrust. “the- hah, way you look right now? while i’m fuckin’ you?”
“yes,” she breathes out, her voice a high shrill. her strength is starting to fail her, shaking on her arms and eventually dropping down to her elbows to support herself. a smirk tugs at your lips at the sight, seeing jinx being broken down so quickly. she brought this on herself, really.
"f-fuck, you look a mess," snapping your hips against jinx's, pathetic whimpers and whines falling from parted lips like a stream. "feels good, huh?"
"feels- hmmph, so good!" she groans. her body is being forced forward and back ever so slightly with each motion, and to see herself being fucked in real time is both thrilling and downright humiliating. jinx never knew this is what she looked like, so wrecked and sloppy, but she can't be bothered to care right now. all she can care about is you fucking into her relentlessly.
arousal dripping down her inner thighs, a stinging sensation in her scalp while you hold onto her hair. she knew you'd get jealous if she flirted- expected a thorough spanking, maybe, or for you to sit on her face and use her mouth until you were satisfied. never did jinx think you'd force her into a front-row seat to her own punishment.
“you’re not gonna do that again- mm,” you groan, base rubbing against you so right. “are you? hngg- tell me you won’t.”
“i won’t, i won’t! unghh, i’m sorry!”
she nearly screams out. the pleasure is mounting, it’s painful, she’s being stretched open and almost split down the middle. but it’s so fucking delicious, the feeling of you fucking her so thoroughly. so deeply. tears are beginning to well in her eyes, her mascara already running down her cheeks. it’s filthy. the tip of the plastic dick kisses her cervix with each thrust, coated in sleek juices.
"oh- oh, please," she breathes out. her bangs are sticking to the thin sheen on her forehead, her breaths coming out in ragged gasps. "pleasepleaseplease-"
there it is. jinx is close, that much is obvious from her flushed expression, her straining against your grip, trying to push her hips back onto your cock like some needy slut. your own climax is building, but you want- need to see jinx get there first.
you reach underneath her with your free hand and press against her neglected clit, which draws a high-pitched squeal from jinx. you revel in the sound. right now, it’s as if jinx is an instrument, fine-tuned for your playing. making these beautiful, obscene sounds.
you can see hot tears running down her face in the mirror, lips parted and the pale expanse of her neck bared. her lipstick is smeared from the dribble running down her chin, and thin black streaks run down her cheeks.
“i’m- i’m gonna-!”
the girl doesn’t have time to finish her sentence before she squirts over your hand and the cot beneath her- coating you in light pink. she’s boneless, panting beneath you, collapsing as soon as you pull out of her and release her braid. she can’t muster up any words, she’s spent- laid on her stomach, sniffling and simply trying to breathe.
maybe next time, she won’t be so fucking vain.
#jinx x reader#jinx x fem reader#jinx smut#arcane x reader#reader insert#arcane x you#sapphic#lesbian#idk how i feel about this one tbh
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Do you have any tips for painting with gouache? like how do you get it to stay a nice solid color over a large swath of paper? and how do you blend it so seamlessly?
Of course, here's a few pointers off the top of my head:
1. I've used gouache for this in the past so it's possible, but the flat backdrop on my latest WIP is actually acrylic! A nifty thing I've found about putting a layer of acrylic down, is that it creates a barrier once dried and essentially makes the paper waterproof. This means you can work in gouache on top without it mixing with the background, and you can wet a section and completely wipe it clean with a cloth/tissue and it won't disturb the acrylic layer underneath. It also makes the paper more resilient, and you don't get as much pilling/tearing from the moisture
To get an even wash it's mostly getting the right consistency, I add just a little water - enough that the paint is less "tacky" as you drag your brush along paper, but not so much that it's runny or translucent. It takes a couple of attempts sometimes!
2. Also for the current WIP that I posted earlier, like the vast majority of my traditional pieces, keep in mind that it's mixed media. So I assume you're referring to the blue-green gradient on the bird and wondering how I got the gouache to blend like that - it's actually colouring pencils! I'll often switch between dry and wet media, even layer them back and forth, whatever makes the most sense to get the effect I want 😁

3. On that note, when you're working with paint, or any medium really, I can't recommend enough having a "test" sheet that you do both before and during a traditional piece. It allows you try out different medium combos, see what shade your gouache will dry into, and catch any issues before it ends up on your artwork. I often see artists being encouraged to just Bob Ross their way through a piece, the idea being that you'll just have happy little accidents that you'll naturally work into the piece - maybe, but you'll also possibly irreversibly wreck your hard work and have to start again. I don't know, I'm just a methodical person I guess, but seeing someone just directly apply something to the page when they're not sure what it's going to do makes me wince - no two art supplies are the same! All of those paints and pens have different chemical makeups, there's an unlimited number of ways what you're using could interact, good or bad.
Since it's already there, I usually reuse one of the leftover failsons from the process of making the wash background, then test everything on top of that. That way you can see exactly what shade the paint will dry on top of whatever colour the background is:

Doesn't need to look good, nobody sees it (usually) and you can also test the thickness of your brushstrokes while you're at it.
Anyway, I hope this helps!
#might have geeked out a little too much about art supplies but hopefully it's helpful :'D#I will be posting a process video of this WIP soon though which I hope will also give people some tips!#art help#art tips#art reference#asks
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cullens w/ a reader who lovesss to cuddle?
The Cullens with a Cuddly S/O
Currently fighting the sleep demons rn so Idk if this will even make sense but whatever full send
Thank you for requesting and I hope you like this
Edward:
We already know he's down
I mean like half of the first book/movie is him watching Bella sleep
He just likes to be nearby
So cuddling up to your side is no burden to him
He'll ask a lot if you're too cold or if you want him to move
He just wants you to be comfortable
After you've established that you do, indeed, like his cuddles, expect them all the time
If the time or place allows him to be right by your side, he is there
"Hey I just rented a new movie, do you wanna come over and watch it?"
"What movie?"
"Uh-"
"I'm on my way, have my blankets ready."
Alice:
She's a pretty energetic person
So I feel like she'd need to either be doing something or talking
So yes she will cuddle, but she needs the TV on
Or she needs to be talking your ear off
She loves being so close though
She's like a lizard she loves the warmth
She doesn't mind if you fall asleep, she'll keep talking
But especially if it's late at night, she loves being so close to you
Btw she's the little spoon or literally laying on top of you
I would recommend investing in a nice heated blanket
Jasper:
I have a feeling he'd love it
He strikes me as the type to be able to stare at a wall for hours on end and not get bored
So he doesn't mind laying with you the whole night
He would lay in one spot for days if you wanted him to
He would be so happy when you asked him the first time though
He has a bit of a hard time grasping that you actually do love him, so small reminders like this go a long way
Is another one who's hyper-aware
Constantly making sure you're comfortable
He would find your even breaths and calm mind soothing
It's his new favorite couples activity btw
Rosalie:
I've mentioned it before but I think she's active at all hours
Either she's at school, hunting, or working on her cars
She just doesn't like to be bored
So cuddling isn't her favorite
Not to say she won't do it
Just that she won't do it for super long stretches of time
She'll cuddle for a movie, or until you go to sleep
But then she likes to get back to doing something
It's understandable, you can go to sleep, she can't
If you ask her to, though, she will stay the whole night
And she won't complain
She also doesn't have a preference on cuddling position
Emmett:
He's definitely more into like casual cuddling
Does that make sense?
Like he loves holding you close on the couch while he's watching a game
And he loves sitting you in his lap when he's playing a card game or doing homework
But he doesn't really like laying in bed for hours
So sort of similar to Rosalie
He just gets restless
He's squirmy too
He wakes you up throughout the night because he moves so much
Cruel injustice
But on the bright side, if he was able to sleep he'd be a loud ass snorer so at least you don't have to deal with that
Esme:
She would be another snuggle enjoyer
She loves the closeness of it
It makes her feel so connected to you
And she has no qualms about when or where
It's the middle of the day and she's outside working on the garden but you want to cuddle?
Okay just let her shower first
She would prefer to be the little spoon
Idk why that's just how it is
Carlisle:
Carlisle "Cuddle" Cullen
Anytime, anywhere
He just misses you a lot when he's at work
So he loves to make up for lost time by having you right there with him
Loves doing paperwork with you in his lap
Or having his arms around you at all times
And of course he will lay with you for the whole night
He tends to lay on his back
But that's just his natural
He will move however you need him to
He only cuddles fully clothed tho
He knows he's cold
So he knows you will need the extra layers between you two
Vampire! Bella:
She's always down
Sleeping is one of the things she misses the most about being human
So laying there with you while you sleep is the closest she can get to the real thing
She likes to cuddle while facing you
Face to face yk
But her one bad habit is that she forgets that she is freezing
Chronically puts her hands under your shirt or her toes behind your knees
"Ah! Cold!"
"Shit, sorry"
#alice cullen#bella swan#carlisle cullen#edward cullen#esme cullen#jasper cullen#jasper hale#rosalie hale#rosalie cullen#emmett cullen#alice cullen x reader#bella swan x reader#carlisle cullen x reader#edward cullen x reader#esme cullen x reader#emmett cullen x reader#jasper cullen x reader#jasper hale x reader#rosalie hale x reader#rosalie cullen x reader
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Hello I was wondering if u can write a George Clarke fan fic based on the sidemen charity match and also I REALLY LOVE your writing it’s so amazing like I can never stop reading it like damnnnnnnnn
My man -George clarkey
words: 0.8k+
warnings: none!
summary: you watch George play in the sidemen charity match�� along with all the trials and tribulations before and after the game.
notes: heyyy! Thank you love🫶🏼. I’ve done a match fic for Harry and I had a few people ask for a George one so of course I’m delivering, because he looked gorgeous🙂↕️. I hope you enjoy girlies!!💘💫

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y/username: my man scored at Wembley today!!🥹💗
-comments-
georgeclarkeey: 88th minute babyyy
max_balegde: don't you mean OUR man?!😌
-> y/username: hahaha of course Max😂
y/nfanpage21: he did so well omfg
user: THE MULLET. I'm gonna faint
"Good morning darling," George greeted you just as you opened your eyes. He stood looking down at you, already fully dressed in his kit. "I've got to go to breakfast but I'll see you before we leave," he said before pressing a kiss to your forehead, "love you."
You spent your morning slowly getting ready and he returned to your room just as you finished. You smiled as he walked towards you, arms extended for a hug. "Good luck baby. You'll be fine... don't stress too much," you whispered reassuringly before he hugged you tighter and then pulled back.
He let out a deep breath. "I'm shitting myself." You chuckled quietly. "I'm sure you won't be on long enough to fuck it up anyway," you joked. He playfully squeezed your hip. "Go and enjoy it. I'll see you afterwards. I love you," you spoke softly. He nodded then turned to leave, though he stopped himself, gave you a long kiss and only then did he leave.

y/username posted a new story!
"Oh my god. There he is!" You shouted -a little louder than you'd meant to- as you spotted George on the field, warming up with the rest of the sidemen team. Max perked up next to you and began filming him. You looked at the zoomed in screen and laughed loudly when you saw the picture he'd just taken. "That's hilarious, please send it to me."

y/username posted a new story!
George wasn't in the starting eleven for the game, but after a little while he was finally subbed in. You, Max, the two Arthur's, Bach and every fan girl in the stadium cheered when his name was called on the intercom.
You watched intently as the game progressed. It was a little bit hard to fully keep up with what was happening, since you were so high up, but your eyes just followed the brown, curly mullet.
When it reached half time everyone that was in one of the friends and family boxes headed inside to get some food. You were sat opposite max when you received a message from George, "everything good? x" You smiled slightly at your phone. "Just enjoying the free food. You're doing so well, everyone's cheering you on babe! xx" you replied swiftly.

y/username posted a new story!
After half time, the game continued. Goal after goal was scored and it was unbelievably close. Everyone was on the edge of their seats. Just as it was nearing the end the score was even on eight all.
Tobi took a kick from the corner and then just as you thought it was going in George followed and kicked it into the net. "Ahh!" You all stood and cheered, your hand covering your mouth in shock.
You watched the screen to see the close up video of him celebrating, Chris and Will hugging him as well, even know they were on the opposite team. You were close to tears seeing how happy he looked. He'd been so nervous so you were glad he got his moment.

y/username posted a new story!
Unfortunately Theo scored just before the game finished, equalising. It went to penalties and ultimately the sidemen's team lost, though it was all for charity and you weren't really bothered about the final result since you just wanted to see your boyfriend.

y/username posted a new story!

y/username posted a new story!
You didn't see George after the game since he went back on the team bus with the rest of the players and you got a taxi to the after party with the Arthur's, Bach and Liv so you only got to see him once you were both back at the hotel.
When you finally saw the players walking through the doors your eyes searched the crowd of black and red kits until you saw him. A bright smile spread across the both of your faces when your eyes met.
The minute he reached you he flung his arms around you and sighed into your shoulder. "You were incredible George," you whispered. "That's made my year," he replied gently. You pulled back and kissed him, which is something you don't do often since nether of you are big on pda but it just felt right.

y/username posted a new story!

y/username posted a new story!
The rest of the night was spent celebrating and getting slightly pissed. As soon as you and George got back to your room and your heads hit the pillows you fell straight asleep, back against his chest; his arm wrapped around your middle while the both of you soundly slept, after one of the best days ever.
#george clarkey#george clarke#george clarkeey#georgeclarkeey#george clarkey x reader#george clarke x reader#george clarkey x y/n#tiktoker x reader#youtuber x reader#british youtubers#fanfic#imagine#oneshot#x fem!reader#x female reader#x y/n#x you#x reader#sidemen charity match#charity football match#fluff
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Lol, this is from my own current personal angst in my life but I was thinking it can be used for an angsty Rafe x Reader. I have very low self esteem, I don't think I look pretty so I have a hard time accepting that a guy could be interest in me or find me appealing, especially cuz guys have called ''mid''. Right now I'm talking to THE sweetest guy. THE most greenest flag of all. Super respectful, mature and kind. I had a freakout and pushed him away, wanted to stop talking. He got super upset, send me a drunk text basically being like ''I'm so attracted to u and your everything I've ever dreamt of. I just wanna make you happy and make you smile. Your so special to me. I keep saying that your beautiful, amazing and gorgeous but you won't hear it. Please don't let your insecurites get in the way of us. I fkn miss you'' I mean...hey feel free to take whatever inspiration you want from that, change it, build on it, whatever you want! We just want a sappy head over heels Rafe who is heartbroken being pushed away (but with a happy ending)
a/n tysm for sharing this with me! and please don’t let your doubts get in the way of your happiness. you are BEAUTIFUL and you MATTER ❤️🩹 i hope u like this little piece.
warnings rafe cameron x fem!reader, reader with low self esteem, situationship, angst, fluff, rafe being a sweetheart
Rafe couldn’t really tell when it started, but he could feel it in your forced smiles and short responses. He tried to convince himself it was nothing, but the ache in his chest told him otherwise. Every attempt to figure out what he had done wrong was met with your dismissive shrug and a short, “I’m fine.”
But what Rafe didn’t know about was the chaos in your mind. You liked him—really liked him—but your insecurities were keeping you from letting yourself fall completely. You couldn’t ignore the way girls seemed to flirt with Rafe at parties, the way people whispered that you weren’t pretty or cool enough, to be with someone like him. It didn’t matter how many times he told you that you were beautiful—the doubt in your mind drowned out his words. So, you began to pull away, convinced it was only a matter of time before he realized you weren’t what he wanted.
And that’s why Rafe ended up going to this party alone, although it should have been a night that you two spend together. You had promised to go, only to back out at the last minute with a stupid excuse about not feeling well. Rafe knew you were lying. Obviously he didn’t want to go without you, but after Topper wouldn’t stop begging him, he gave in.
He spent the first hour trying to lose himself in the crowd, nursing a beer and pretending to laugh at Topper’s jokes, but it was useless. Every girl who tried to flirt with him only reminded him of you, and every drink made the knot in his chest tighten. Eventually, he escaped out into the yard, needing space to think—or maybe just to breathe.
The cool night air sobered him slightly, but not enough to stop him from pulling out his phone. His fingers hovered over your contact before he finally hit call. It rang three times before you picked up.
“Rafe?” You said softly, voice trembling slightly. You winced at how vulnerable you sounded.
“hi, baby.” he said, his voice breaking slightly before going right in. “What’s going on with you? Please, just tell me. Did I do something? Did I hurt you somehow? Because if I did, fuck I swear to God, I didn’t mean to.”
Your throat tightened, guilt twisting in your stomach. He sounded so desperate, so unlike the confident, self-assured Rafe you knew. You didn't know what to say, how to explain something you couldn't even fully understand yourself.
“Talk to me, y/n,” he pleaded. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep guessing what’s wrong. I care about you too much to lose you like this.” His voice cracked, and he raked a hand through his hair, his frustration spilling over. “I’m completely crazy about you. I don’t care about anyone else. You’re it for me. You’re the only one I want.”
Your heart shattered at his words. He cared about you, really cared about you. But how could he? How could someone like Rafe Cameron, with his perfect smile and effortless charm, care about someone like you?
"Rafe..." you whispered, unsure of what to say. “No,” he interrupted. “You have no idea how much you mean to me. I think about you all the time—when I wake up, when I go to sleep. You’re all I want, y/n. And if there’s even a part of you that feels the same way—then please, stop pushing me away.”
The silence that followed was unbearable. Rafe leaned against a tree, his heart pounding so loudly it drowned out everything else. Then he heard you breathe out, followed by muffled sobs, which you tried so hard to suppress by pressing your palm over your mouth. You wanted to believe him, wanted to let his words sink in and erase all your doubts. But the fear was still there.
“I didn’t think I was enough for you,” you finally whispered, voice trembling. “You could have anyone, Rafe. And people keep saying I don’t deserve you, and maybe they’re right.”
“Are you kidding me?” he said, his voice rising as he couldn’t believe that you’d actually think that. “Baby, you’re more than enough. You’re everything. Don’t let what other people say get in your head. They don’t know you. They don’t know us.”
Your sniffle came through the line, and he could picture you wiping your tears, head bowed like it always was when you were upset. “I just… I didn’t want to hold you back.”
“You’re not holding me back,” he replied softly. “You’re the only thing keeping me sane.” He paused. “Please, just let me in. Let me prove to you how much you mean to me.”
The sincerity in his voice was undeniable, and you believed him. Believed that he was serious about you two. “Okay.” You said. Relief washed over him, and he exhaled shakily. “Okay,” he repeated, his lips curving into a smile. “I’m coming to you right now.”
Your eyes widened, “No, Rafe, you don’t have to—”
“I want to,” he said firmly. “Stay where you are. I’m coming to you. We’ll figure this out together.” And with that, he ended the call, his heart pounding with determination. He didn’t care what anyone else thought. You were his, and he wasn’t going to let you go.
#blurbs ₊˚⊹♡#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron fluff#rafe cameron x you#rafe x reader
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All for her || Rafe Cameron x fem!reader
Summary: canon fic based of s3 ep4
Warnings: swearing other than that, nothing really
Word count: 665
A/n: this actually concerning how much canon fics I’ve written/abt to write but if anyone has any request for anymore canon fics I’m more than happy to do them :)
MASTERLIST
divider by @yoonitos
As you close the front door to Tannyhill, Rafe is on the phone, pacing slightly. "Yeah, they said, um, two days on the transfer," he says," his voice strained with barely concealed tension. "it's in the works though, no worries," he assures Ward, trying to keep his tone steady as he leads you upstairs.
"Yeah, I'm upstairs, why? You said you wanted to talk about something. What's up?" Rafe questions, sitting on the edge of the bed while you settle into an armchair, your eyes on him, concerned. Rafe's expression shifts from curiosity to apprehension as he listens intently to Ward.
A heavy silence fills the room as Rafe's face drops, the weight of Ward's words hitting him hard. "Everything okay?" you ask softly, your concern growing. "Wait, wait, are you being serious?" Rafe's tone hardens, his confusion mirroring your own as you raise an eyebrow.
Pulling his phone away from his ear, Rafe looks at you with a mix of disbelief and anger. "He's giving away the fucking cross," he states, his voice filled with frustration and disbelief. Your lips part in shock. "I was just with you. What changed since then? What are you talking about?" Rafe returns back to the call, trying to piece together the sudden shift.
Rafe's struggle to maintain his composure is evident. You rise from your seat and rub his back gently, hoping to calm him. "Dad, no, no. Dad," Rafe pleads into the phone. "This cross is mine. You're taking it from me," he exclaims, his voice breaking slightly as he places a hand on your thigh for comfort.
"Listen, this is something that I got through my work, and now you're trying to make yourself feel better by giving away my shit?" Rafe's anger bubbles to the surface as he switches to speakerphone so you can hear. "And you didn't even tell me?"
"This is me telling you right now, son," Ward responds, his voice calm and steady, a stark contrast to Rafe's agitation. Rafe throws his head back in disbelief, his hand coming up to his forehead. "We've done some things, Rafe, you and I, all right?" Ward continues, and Rafe lets out a scoff. "Oh my god."
"Things that we need to atone for, and donating this cross, it's a good first step in the right direction," Ward explains, his tone calm. Rafe shakes his head at you, as you sigh knowing he won't understand his dad's reasoning. "I know that in my heart. Okay?" Ward adds. "I don't know. Maybe if Sarah finds out—"
"Sarah? Sarah!" Rafe interrupts furiously, standing up abruptly. "There it is! That's it!" he exclaims, slamming his hand on the dresser repeatedly, causing you to flinch. "There it is, Dad!" he yells into the phone. "Any more of my shit you wanna steal from me to impress Sarah?" he spits out in annoyance. "Who doesn't even give a shit about you?"
"It's Wilmington. It's tomorrow night. Get a pen. I'll give you the cargo information," Ward's voice is stern, leaving no room for argument. Rafe breathes heavily, his frustration evident. "Calm down, Rafe," you say quietly, coming up behind him and hugging him. At your touch and voice, Rafe begins to calm down.
You pull him onto the couch as he lets out a shaky breath, your thumb rubbing circles on his forearm to soothe him. "For the record, this is bullshit. Okay?" Rafe splutters. "This is my thing."
After a few seconds of silence, Rafe's features shift, and he forces a calm demeanor. "But of course, you can count on me," he says, though you can tell he feels betrayed.
Ward sighs in relief on the other end. "Okay, so listen," he begins. Rafe gets up, finding a pen and paper. "One second. Okay, Wilmington. Tomorrow night. Car 750X. Got it," he repeats, scribbling down the information.
A sudden creak from the floorboard makes both of you look toward the door. You and Rafe exchange a knowing look. "Hey, hang on—hang on. One second," Rafe says as you follow him out the room.
"Hello?" you call out as Rafe looks down the stairs. Another creak comes from the room you were just in. Rafe raises an eyebrow at you before heading back to retrieve his phone and continue the call.
"Yeah, from the wharf to the train yard," Rafe continues, his voice fading as he heads downstairs. You remain in the room, sinking back into the armchair and scrolling through your phone, trying to distract yourself.
Suddenly, another creak catches your attention, making you whip your head around. You find yourself face to face with Sarah, her eyes wide with panic. "Sarah..." you gasp, your eyes widening slightly as you take in her distressed appearance. Realization hitting you that she must have overheard the conversation.
"You shouldn't be here. Rafe will go crazy if he finds out you were here—" you begin, your voice urgent. But before you can finish, Sarah lunges forward, grabbing a lamp from the side table and hurling it towards you. Instinctively, you dodge to the side, the lamp crashing against the wall behind you as Sarah bolts from the room.
Heart pounding, you scramble to your feet and chase after her, calling out, "Sarah!" The urgency in your voice is palpable as you race down the stairs, desperately trying to catch up to her before Rafe sees her.
"Sarah!" you call out, your voice echoing through the hallway as you quickly follow her downstairs. Your heart races as you look around, but Rafe is nowhere to be found. Sarah dashes through the parlor, her footsteps quick and frantic, before she sprints out the front door.
You turn the corner sharply, only to collide with a solid form. The impact nearly knocks you off your feet. "Whoa—whoa, babe. What's wrong?" Rafe's concerned voice cuts through the chaos, his hands coming up to steady you, rubbing your arms in an attempt to calm you down.
"Sarah," you manage to gasp, your mind still reeling from the encounter. "What? What about her—" Rafe's eyebrows knit together in confusion, but you cut him off, the urgency clear in your voice. "Sarah was just here. She heard everything."
#drew starkey#rafe cameron#fanfiction#outer banks#rafe cameron x reader#drew starkey x reader#drew starkey x y/n#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron x you#obx fanfiction#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron x kook!reader#rafe cameron fic#outerbanks rafe#outer banks fanfiction#rafe cameron outer banks#outer banks x reader#rafe outer banks#drew starkey x you#drew starkey x female reader#rafe cameron x smut#rafe x reader#rafe x you#rafe cameron gif#rafe#rafe imagine#dark rafe cameron
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❛𝘚𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵❜ - L.F (SKZ)

synopsis. Felix feels soft at the sight of his pregnant wife.
pairings. felix x reader!
content. sfw, husband!felix, pregnant!reader.
wc. 620
a/n. A very smooth continuation of ‘A little dramatic’ as I saw that many people liked that one.
part 1: ‘A little dramatic’
Don't forget to comment, so I know you like what I write and encourage me to keep writing.
"You shouldn't be drinking this."
"Felix, I have no problem with drinking this."
"But the baby..."
"The baby enjoys it, our little bean like it." Y/N took her husband's hand to let it rest on her belly.
How round and soft it was the poor man couldn't help but not smile.
"Y/N..."
"Come and hold me, drinking coke won't hurt me, it was just a little sip." Felix shook his head.
"Don't be stubborn and give me that." He snatched the empty bottle from her hands, making a mental note with throwing away all the cans that were in the fridge. "My love, the doctor said you couldn't drink these kinds of beverages, I'll make you a natural flavoured juice, okay? Healthier, healthier, and our baby will enjoy it."
Y/N groaned nodding, ignoring the sympathetic look on her husband's face.
She knew she had a commitment to eating and drinking healthy things, however; Jisung had brought a box with cans of soda that ended up forgotten in her fridge in the end, she couldn't help but grab just one can to take a mini sip of that cold Coke.
"You're so obnoxious. Baby, I hope and you don't go out like your dad, or I'll be very upset." She muttered. Her hands slid down her swollen seven month belly, in two more weeks she would be eight and you couldn't be anything but excited about it.
"I heard you, but I know our precious baby will look like you, I hope he does," the blond man confessed genuinely, sitting down next to you after leaving the full can of soda on the bedside table next to his bed. His hand never leaving your belly.
"Seven months in my belly, of course he have to." Y/N groaned, glad to feel Felix move closer and wrap his arms around you to lift your belly a little, letting you breathe.
"Do you want anything special, are you hungry, honey?"
"I don't think so, just you please... or well yeah, can you make me eat those cheddar cinnamon rolls you made the other night?"
"It tasted gross, are you sure you want that?"
"You're talking to someone pregnant, dumb. Of course I want to eat that." She groaned again after the sense of relief she felt at being in her cloying husband's arms.
"Stop doing that..." Felix pressed his lips to her neck, hiding his face in the crook of his beloved's neck. "I love you both so much...you make me so happy Y/N, I thank God for giving me the chance to be able to be with you and to have the chance to have a baby, our sweet love...I love you so much, love of my life..."
Felix's eyes glazed over, breaking his voice at the end of his little speech, "you don't know how much I love you."
Felix began to cry, clinging to Y/N's body who smoothly turned around so she could hug him.
"I'm not leaving, Lixie, why are you crying, my sweet heart?"
"I don't know..."
"I'm the one who should be crying not you, stop crying, my love."
"It’s just that you make me so happy, so happy that I don't know how to express it."
"Everything you do for me is your way of expressing it, look, you even got me pregnant, what other proof of love do you need to get rid of that insecurity? I love you, with all my soul... and body."
Felix sobbed once more, clinging to his wife's body again. Inhaling your lavender scent, caressing your hair and letting his heart go out to her.
He felt at home.
And you felt loved.
#felix x reader#skz felix#skz stay#skz imagine#skz x reader#stray kids#drabble#one shot#skz#skz fanfic#skz fluff#skz imagines#stray kids x you#felix
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There comes a certain sadness in being a regressor without a caregiver, but also one who's severely traumatized and neglected. Finding comfort in dark moments by tumblr caregiver posts, feeling like someone cares. Not entirely understanding nostalgia and getting sad when seeing posts about favorite childhood snacks, movies, activities because you never grew up on them. Feeling awkward while playing and or having to relearn it because it wasn't really a thing. I wasn't allowed or given many toys at all. Seeing other regressors happily posting about their caregiver, feeling bittersweet. I'm glad they have them, they deserve happiness and support- but will I ever get that? I hope one day that's me too. Living through cartoons: wishing you had a friend group, family, or whatever like those characters. Happy endings. Imagining lots of scenarios or talking to character.ai cg characters, wanting it to be real so bad. Wanting a caregiver, yet being so scared about being a "difficult" regressor or needing "too much care and comfort." Wishing there was just someone to hold me and pat my head while tiny, playing with my hair and giving me their full attention. It would feel weird, really weird- I don't get attention much, but I'd hope that little me would be okay and happy with that. Bottom line, I hope for the fun days and happy ending of finding someone who will love me and accept my regression. If there's any regressors out there with c-PTSD, trauma, or really just anything that makes them fearful they won't ever get it- please keep trying. One day. I always tell myself that I'm sure I'll be so happy in the future, and look back on moments like these going "she was strong. she didnt know of the moonlight that would hug her everyday, yet she still pushed through- she made it"
#sfw agere#agere#agere community#agere post#agere blog#age regressor#sfw regression#age regression#agere sfw#agere caregiver#age regression caregiver#sfw caregiver#caregiver blog#fictional caregiver#cglre community#cglre#cglre little
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voicelines about you: as their lover !
featuring: imbibitor lunae, jing yuan, gepard. (+ jingliu and kafka)
notes: headcanons! some might be ooc HELP. i couldn't resist writing for hsr man… also jingliu and kafka sneak bc mmm i love morally questionable women 🤩. gn!reader. reader is not trailblazer. some fluff, some angst (?) kinda. reblogs are very much appreciated!
Imbibitor Lunae (Danheng IL)
About [Name]: They're one of the few people who's never condemned me for Danfeng's sins, nor ever tried to get me to own up to them. Their presence is very comforting to me. My lover? *coughs* Y-yes, they are.
About [Name]: Selfies Aside from March, [Name] always seems to ask me to take photos with their camera. Hm? No, I don't really mind. If it makes them feel happy, then that's enough reason for me to agree.
About [Name]: Photo Albums [Name] made an Express photo album with March yesterday. Yeah, pictures of our adventures and memories, according to them. It's in the Data Bank, so just ask me if you want to take a look at it.
Gepard Landau
About [Name]: [Name] is the most amazing individual I've met. Their determination and their will to pursue their goals to the fullest… I'm proud to call them my lover. Oh, ah… Was that too forward?
About [Name]: Lending a Hand Oftentimes, Serval asks [Name] to help her carry some things for her workshop. Although the times I get to personally help out are rare due to my duties, I still make it a point to support them by asking the Silvermane Guards to keep an eye out for them and help carry my sister's things for them if it's too heavy. Of course. They're always my top priority.
About Serval: Nagging Every time Serval stops by my post, it usually means [Name]'s run into some difficulties, which I try to help them out in. While her telling me about my lover's state is greatly appreciated, she always nags and teases me being a fool for them and… *sigh* No, it's alright, really. I'm thankful that my sister cares about [Name] and goes out of her way to talk to them for me. Still, I do hope her nagging would decrease next time.
Jing Yuan
About [Name]: Hm? [Name]? Yes, they're indeed my lover. Hehe, now that you've brought them up, I should go look for them. I'm afraid I've grown so used to the feeling of laying my head on their lap that no other pillow can suffice. Ah, what a predicament…
About [Name]: Spending Time Together While I do enjoy dozing off, [Name] makes a point to let me rest at a more appropriate place, instead of at the Seat of The Divine Foresight, buried under a mountain of paperwork. Oftentimes, I do as they say, but when I'm not and just craving their presence… Heh, now that's another matter entirely.
(BONUS! - Yanqing's Voiceline) About [Name]: Oh, [Name]? They always give me some extra allowance for buying swords, buying me sweets and food I like… Of course I won't say no to that! Sometimes, them being with me when I'm being scolded by the General for my expenses helps a lot. Probably because they're the only one the General can't say no to.
Jingliu
About [Name]: ….Do you really think you have the right to know about them? This is a warning. Try to ask again and perhaps you'll be faced with the end of my blade as my answer.
About [Name]: Soothed The whispers of the marastruck, succumbing to the Abundance… They are the only one able to calm the storm of my thoughts. For that, I am grateful for their patience and their kindness.
(BONUS 2! - Jing Yuan's Voiceline) About Name: While Master's current state is one of irreparable damage, at the very least… She has someone to hold onto while she grapples with the curse of mara. Even if I don't quite believe she's the Jingliu I knew from before, I know that her feelings for [Name] are sincere. I just hope she doesn't end up hurting them in the process.
Kafka
About [Name]: Aha, now thats a question I didn't expect to hear from you. My lover? Yes, [Name] is that to me. I very much enjoy their love and affection, you know. Even if it isn't on the script, I'd still mention them. Quite romantic of me, no?
About [Name]: Trophy They always, always chide me about me ruining my velvet coats when we finish up a script. What's wrong with a little blood? I keep most of them as trophies. There's one I'm especially fond of, too. They think it's rather embarassing that I keep the coat from the time they got injured on the job. Although the stains have long since turnt black, there's still a faint scent of iron in it. Hm? What do I mean by that? Heh, let's just say I don't take any harm coming to [Name] lightly. While they call it a reminder of their lack of caution, I'd rather call it a little show of my affection~
About [Name]: Destiny's Course Elio refused to tell me about what my future with them would be, saying that the path in that choice is quite difficult to discern, and I think it's for the best. I suppose if [Name] decided to leave the Stellaron Hunters, hm, would locking them up till they can't leave me anymore suffice….? Haha, just kidding. I wouldn't let them leave in the first place.
© 𝐌𝐇𝐈𝐈𝐄𝐄𝐄 : do not repost, copy, or plagiarize my work.
#dan heng#hsr x reader#hsr x gender neutral reader#dan heng x reader#gepard landau#gepard x you#hsr gepard#gepard x reader#gepard x gender neutral reader#hsr kafka#kafka honkai star rail#kafka x reader#jingliu x reader#jing yuan#jing yuan hsr#jing yuan x reader#imbibitor lunae#mhie's spirals
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every dead end street led you straight to me !!!
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which no one knows how they're both each other's daylight.
or
for when you find the one you were meant to find all along. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚
social media au // f1 drivers x platonic!driver!fem!reader // milo manheim x fem!reader
warnings - language
author's note - i am SO sorry for leaving u all but i had my finals going on and now i am DONE with school i just have my college entrance exams left and then im free free FREEEEEE !!!! i love u all sm thank you <333 i hope u like this !!
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱



liked by milomanheim, lewishamilton, carmenmmundt and 2,528,519 others
yourusername me n baby boy
edit : he says it's baby MAN i disagree ☝️‼️
11,528 comments
username NAHHHH HOLD UP ☝️☝️☝️☝️
username who u calling baby boy 😞
username gf reveal his face we won't be mean to him pls pls pslase
username screaming what in the world in this
username y/n soft launching her man wasn't on my bingo card this year like OH KAY
username bf reveal when ‼️‼️‼️
username LMAOOOO THE EDIT
username cannot wait for the grid to be summoned and be Weird
landonorris i thought i was the baby boy
-> yourusername girl u r a problem species
-> yourusername he says u can be his baby boy tho 🫵🫵
-> landonorris no thanks
-> yourusername FUCK UUUU FUCKKKKKK U - the bf
-> username lord what is this
username speechless who is THAT
username milo 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 did u get lost 🤨🤨🤨🤨
-> milomanheim wdym i'm not even here
-> username gaslighter 🫵🫵
username cannot wait for race weekend it's gonna be sooooooo fun 🤞🗣️🗣️🗣️
alexandrasaintmleux the cutest 💘
-> yourusername no u 🫵🫵🫵
-> charles_leclerc stop trying to steal my girlfriend please
-> yourusername stop flirting with my bf maybe ?????
-> alexandrasaintmleux charles ?
-> charles_leclerc this isn't what it looks like
username y/n casually wrecking homes and stealing her colleagues gfs lile yasssss queen i support it
-> username support women's rights and wrongs 🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️🤞🤞🤞
username madly obsessed with her this is life altering to me
milomanheim real life angel visited the angel store !!!!!!! employees must've been happy
-> maxverstappen1 biblically accurate angel but sure
-> yourusername i pray on ur downfall every minute
milomanheim "baby boy" wasn't even directed at me and i blushed
-> yourusername homewrecker vibes stay AWAY!!!! 🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺
-> milomanheim wow
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱



liked by yourusername, landonorris, alex_albon and 2,157,816 others
milomanheim ur in her dms i'm on google searching nutrient rich soils i'd keep her in if she was a worm
10,996 comments
username DEAD GONE DECEASED SIX FEET UNDER
username usually i don't get men but like,,,,,,okayyyyshajshsjsjsd haha hi!!!!!!!!!
username HANDS HANDS HANDS HANDS HANDS HANDS HANDS HANDS HANDS
*liked by yourusername*
-> username MISS GIRL WTFFF
-> username no y/n get UPPPPP
username prettiest boy oh my god
username not to alarm anyone but half the grid is here and i am having Thoughts
username Y/N??? LANDO??? ALEX???
-> username my met gala honestly
alex_albon delete the caption before lily sees it 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
-> milomanheim let the queen know she shouldn't settle for less ☝️🗣️
-> lilymhe yeah alex you're being a 🚩🚩🚩 right now
-> alex_albon oh god
username ALEX AND LILY BEING BSF WITH MILO????? WHAT IS THIS????? WHAT WILL BE NEXT????? LEWIS GIVING HIM FASHION ADVICE????? CHARLES SAYING SOME INCOHERENT SHIT?????
-> username baby breathe
-> username FUCK OFF LUCAS
lewishamilton i see someone's challenging my paddock icon title
-> milomanheim watch your back hamilton (U ARE ICONIC I COULD NEVER U ALWAYS POP OFF KING LIKE EAT UP EVERY SINGLE TIME)
-> lewishamilton i really like you
-> milomanheim DIED
username i feel things looking at those pictures OH MY GOD
username no bc if y/n and milo are together i will simply combust bc HAVE U SEEN THEM???? I BI PANIC I BI PANICKED
username everyday i wake up and bless god for milo manheim ❤️
username the way i KNOW he posted this for y/n like just trust me
-> username girl they don't even know each other ☝️
-> username TRUST ✊✊✊
yourusername HANDS HANDS HANDS HANSD HSNDS
*this comment was deleted*
yourusername nice
-> milomanheim ty
yourusername i see the vibe we went for was "raided grandpa's closest that was in my inheritance"
-> milomanheim sadly the only thing i inherited
-> yourusername that and those genes 😮💨
-> milomanheim that too 🥰
-> username oh yeah they're dating alright 👍
yourusername the filter is so cool
-> milomanheim ahahahahhaa rhank y
-> milomanheim thank you********
yourusername 🦕
-> milomanheim why
-> yourusername cute
-> milomanheim yes u are
-> username THE GASP I JUST GASPED
username y/n's engagement under this post goes WILD like
-> username girlie really commented the most random bullshit
username i bet the driver's gc is going CRAZY rn
-> username somewhere on this earth there is a george russell yelling at everyone in the gc to keep it strictly for professional things
-> username russell george i am sorry they are putting u through that😞😞😞
username MILOOOOOOOOOO AND Y/N IM SCREAMING
≡;- ꒰ °instagram stories ꒱
yourusername added to their close friends' stories


≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱



liked by milomanheim, maxverstappen1, lilymhe and 2,517,986 others
yourusername there are things (inappropriate stuff) i wanna say to u (my BOYFRIEND) but i'll just let u (my COLLEAGUES) live
11,962 comments
username she's so real for this
username speak ur truth queen 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
username her pr team is trying so HARD like i feel like they don't get paid enough to deal with all this
-> yourusername i'll take that as a compliment thank u
username the power couple and we don't even know who he is
-> username mama y papa
-> username honestly they eat up everyone with these pictures
username hidden and secret and private??? girl really picked out her battles
username LOVE LOVE LOVEEEE this for her
landonorris thank you because i saw what you texted him this morning and osc had to physically stop me from bathing with bleach
-> yourusername why are u acting as if u literally didn't just straight up ask us if we "needed a third"
-> landonorris LIES SHE LIES SHE'S A LIAR
-> oscarpiastri mate the entire paddock was there
-> landonorris details but like..........do u
-> yourusername do we what.
-> landonorris ............need a third
-> mclaren oh hello ! guess who just lost their phone PRIVILEGES
username screaming bc they're already parents
-> username he's an absent father but ok
username babe come home the kids and the cats and the cow and that goat miss u ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
username mother never misses
username lewis WISHES he was her
-> yourusername RIGHTTTT
-> lewishamilton roscoe's godmother privileges REVOKED
username f1 grid will never fail to make to laugh bc what do u mean lando asked y/n and the bf if he needed a third and what do u MEAN that y/n is roscoe's godmother
username live laugh toaster bath sayonara 😞
-> username felt this in my bones
milomanheim speak out ur truth queen !!!!!!
-> yourusername i did
-> charles_leclerc is that why he's redder than my car righOH MY GOD PEOPLE CAN SEE YOU
-> yourusername charles LOOK AWAY !!!!!!
-> username no bc
-> username oh
-> username she bout to be yelled at by her manager i can FEEL her anger rn
username that man better know how to fight bc the grid can and WILL come for him if he does something
-> milomanheim i am scared
-> yourusername uh
-> milomanheim for him i mean haha autocorrect
-> username did he just
-> username oh yeah
-> username all that build up and for milo to just
-> username guess who's sleeping on the couch
milomanheim before u say anything
-> yourusername i am SO disappointed rn
-> milomanheim I'M SORRY
-> yourusername :(( i had 3 months of soft/hard launch planned with annotations and notes
-> milomanheim we can still do that!!! anything u want!!!
milomanheim i love u
-> yourusername ok
-> milomanheim girl
-> yourusername wow ok damn i love u more then ig 😒
-> milomanheim ❤️
-> username fuck u both STOP RUINING SINGLE PEOPLE'S LIVES
-> username crazy about them
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱









liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, charles_leclerc and 2,317,637 others
milomanheim something about how taylor swift said every dead end street led u straight to me 💘
tagged yourusername
11,628 comments
username I SCREECHED OH MY GOD
username we knew but OH MY GOD THE REVEAL
username and everyone cheered
username roman empire or roman empire
username THAT DOODLE IS SO CUTE WHAT THE FUCK I WILL CRY RN
-> yourusername it's how he won me over
-> milomanheim wait actually
-> yourusername yes 🥰
-> milomanheim i thought it was me saying PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE till u agreed
-> yourusername that probably sealed the deal 💘
-> username i love how he's so "golden retriever" bf and she's "just proud of him in whatever case" gf
-> username truly mom and dad
username i don't wanna hear bitches say love ain't real anymore bc how do u explain THIS
username taylor wrote that song for them trust she told me herself
username WHAT THE FUCK THE LEGO FLOWERS IM CRYING
-> username he set the bar so high it's a dash at this point
username in love with both of them honestly
username crying LOOK AT THEM!!!!!
landonorris how you've both grown up! i still remember the first time she saw you and cried to me about how fucking pretty you are :)
-> milomanheim OHHHH ????
-> yourusername im gonna jump u this weekend WATCH UR FUCKING BACK
-> username nah bc y/n is so real for this
username milo with that drawing is so "what if i told u i'm a mastermind"
-> username NAH HONESTLY
-> username bro prophesied his relationship
username if my relationship isn't like this then i don't want it 💔💔💔
username lord i see how kind u have been to others
username and adding onto my 252719262 reasons we have THIS
username all the love songs in the universe are about them fyi !!!!!!
username AHHSHSHSHDHSJJDJDNX 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
yourusername also about how she said i wanna teach u how forever feels
-> milomanheim nah bc u will like where r u gonna go 🤨
-> yourusername baby we were having a cute moment there
-> milomanheim BABY 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️‼️😬😬😬😬🤞🤞🤞🤞🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯
-> charles_leclerc give him some time he's buffering
-> username something tells me that this is a very regular occurrence
-> oscarpiastri it is
yourusername my baby's fit like a daydream
-> milomanheim 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️❤️❤️❤️❤️‼️‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯🥰🥰🥰🥰☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️
-> username what is happening
-> oscarpiastri just give him some time
yourusername not to be a hopeful romantic loser on the main but i find u in every love song i listen to so yea
-> milomanheim look at u being nice for once
-> yourusername boy i will block u
yourusername love u
-> milomanheim who love me
-> yourusername *i* love you
-> milomanheim ilyt
-> username NO HE DID NOT 😭😭😭
-> username bro needs to learn how to hesitate
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱








liked by milomanheim, francisca.cgomes, alexandrasaintmleux and 2,785,159 others
yourusername if the whole world was watching i'd still dance with u
tagged milomanheim
12,628 comments
username GOODBYE
username this post right here your honour
username the way i teleported to the railway track
username SCREAMING SJSJTRBCUCJ
username pls block me b4 posting happy stuff (im so happy i cry)
landonorris you can't even order on your own sir DOWN
-> yourusername FUCK UUUUU OMG
username i just ascended to the pearly gates
username DRIVE HIGHWAYS AND BYWAYS TO BE THERE WITH U
-> username OVER AND OVER THE ONLY TRUTH
-> username EVERYTHING COMES BACK TO YOU
-> username i shed tears
username they're literally winning in life BOTH OF THEM
username NOT HIM PEELING ORANGES FOR HER IM GONNA SCREAM
username the orange theory is true and it's real because y/n and milo just proved it argue with air
username is no one gonna talk about how his name is saved as "mylo(ve) <3333"
-> username i had to take SEVERAL deep breaths so as to not break down in front of my family
-> username no one's doing it like them
username IN A WORLD OF BOYS HE'S A GENTLEMAN
*liked by yourusername*
lilymhe with me obviously 🙄
-> yourusername obviously
-> milomanheim 😧
-> alex_albon 😧
username if he doesn't stand outside my window with a sign asking when can he see me HE IS NOT THE ONE
-> username FRRRRR like stop‼️settling‼️for‼️less‼️
username going crazy over these photos like there's SO MUCH content
username y/n feeding us those milo crumbs
-> username nah she gave us whole PLATES with utensils and all ☝️☝️☝️
username i truly cannot wait for milo to be in her garage bc we all know that they're stupidly in love with each other and watching them giggling and smiling and laughing will be much more entertaining than racing
-> username nah bc bro doesn't know how to function with her around
-> username i don't even blame him bc that's Y/N Y/L/N
charles_leclerc how is this relationship gonna work when none of you has the guts to go and say that they got your order wrong
-> yourusername ur saying this as if alex hasn't been the one to go up and say that u asked for no pickles
-> charles_leclerc that was classified information
-> yourusername not anymore 🤗
username i live for y/n terrorizing the grid fueled by nothing but coffee and/or spite
username they're soooooooooooo disgusting im just gonna cry in a corner bc i do not have someone to peel my oranges for me and i have to do it myself like a common peasant
milomanheim i would peel oranges for u forever dw baby i got u 🍊🍊🍊
-> yourusername this is so sweet i cried stfu
milomanheim cannot believe i get to tell everyone ur my gf like OH MY GOD 😭😭😭
-> yourusername bf
-> milomanheim gf
-> landonorris bf AND gf ?
-> yourusername STOP ASKING
milomanheim wdym i cannot love u more than life itself 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 lies bc i do love u more than life itself
-> yourusername i would sacrifice max for u
-> milomanheim doesn't mean that much bc i know u would sacrifice him for a juice box
-> maxverstappen1 OH REALLLLLLLLY
milomanheim angel 🍒
-> yourusername no u
milomanheim u make me feel all golden like daylight
-> yourusername u make me feel all i like shiny things but i'd marry u with paper rings
-> username bye y'all this was fun
-> username brb i need to test if my toaster is waterproof or not
#f1 x reader#f1 x female reader#f1 imagines#social media au#fake instagram imagines#charles leclerc x reader#lewis hamilton x reader#lando norris x reader#oscar piastri x reader#f1 x platonic!reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 smau#f1 social media au#f1 instagram au#f1 imagine#f1 grid x reader#f1 x female driver
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Starting Over: Chapter 2 - Broken
Mob!Bucky x Female Reader
Series Masterlist
When Bucky throws you out of the house for a betrayal and won't listen to your side of the story, you know the only way out is through - it's time to start over. Maybe this was never going to be your happy ending.
I'm sorry, part 2 got a little out of hand in length so I've decided to split it up into different chapters! There should only be one more part after this (maybe??!) Hope you enjoy! This is more of Bucky's POV and gives some more insight into what happened. Thanks for all your engagement with this series, as always comments and reblogs are appreciated! Unfortunately I no longer use taglists.
💔
Your phone sat on Bucky’s desk as he stared at it blankly. He wasn’t really sure what he expected, maybe that you’d call it, or it would magically reveal some sort of answers to the many questions he had. But it didn’t. It just laid there, about as useful as a rock. A ‘babe, how are you?! we need to hang out soon!’ notification from Natasha had lit up the screen an hour or so before, but otherwise it just continued to sit silently – an insulting prompt that mocked him with your absence, the clock on the screen taunting him with how late it had become.
He'd had a glance at the checking and credit card accounts he’d set up for you, but they hadn’t been touched. In fact, nothing had been touched. None of your clothes had moved, your toiletries remained in the bathroom. You hadn’t even appeared to have taken any shoes with you. Natasha’s casual check-in text suggested your friends were unaware of what had happened. You’d just…vanished. A ghost in the night.
He felt nauseous, his gut churning. He’d tried to find the CCTV footage of you leaving, but the image was grainy – he could hardly make you out. The cameras had been acting up lately, he needed Steve to get them fixed. He kept thinking about you wandering out into the night by yourself, no money, no plan, how he’d forced you out into the cold. The one person he swore to protect, to keep safe.
His guilt was eating him alive.
But then he thought of the recording. Your voice so clear, laughing with the fed – mocking Bucky, calling him names and sneering at his gullibility. He could hardly believe it all at first. Not you? Not his doll, who had opened him up to love in ways he could have never imagined. Surely it couldn’t have been you, who had uprooted his life for the better, who had hit him like a whirlwind, changing his very being forever in all the best ways?
But he’d checked in with Banner who ran the tech and had confirmed you had been there. Your phone had pinged the cell tower in that exact spot they’d tracked the meeting point to. They’d even found a CCTV clip of you getting in a strange car that day, despite telling Bucky you were having Wanda over for a girl’s night. The audio was delivered by his own men, verified by their informant. The evidence was overwhelming.
‘It was so easy’ you had giggled cruelly on the clip, the words burned into his memory, ‘I just fluttered my eyelashes a few times and he was asking me to move in after a few weeks. I barely lifted a finger yet he swallowed everything I gave him and asked for more. Now I know how his whole operation works…but I need more time on the Stark deal. Just give me a bit longer and I’ll have that one-armed pussy spill everything after a few more ‘I love yous’ and dirty fucks. I promise...’
Of course he’d seen red. How could he not? He’d always been hot-tempered (passionate, his mother used to say), and the recording had destroyed his entire world in a matter of seconds. Aside from the betrayal, the pain, he felt humiliated. He’d finally been vulnerable with someone, shared intimacy in ways he’d never experienced with another person – only to find out it was all a lie. A trick. A joke. It affirmed his biggest fear – that he had been correct to build those walls, to protect himself from anyone who would use his feelings against him. Love could be exploited as a weakness, and he’d turned up to the fight unarmed.
In his mind, he’d not thrown you out – not sweet, beautiful you. Not you who held him close in your sleep and nuzzled into his chest, not you who traced his scars with her fingers and encouraged him to take off his prosthetic when you were intimate if he wished to. Not you, who stayed up late on his birthday just to present him with a homemade cake when he came home after an exhausting meeting – insisting he blew out the candles. Did she ever even exist? He’d always joked you were too good to be true. Now he’d accidentally manifested that into reality.
No. He’d thrown out her. The woman who had been gathering intel on him since the moment the two of you had met. The woman who exchanged kisses for information. The woman who had laughed about all of this as she gleefully ratted on him, delighting in her prowess over the foolish, lovesick mob boss she’d so easily toppled. The woman who’d callously worn the mask of someone who loved him. She was thrown out of his house, out of his embrace.
Unfortunately, the two versions of you were one and the same.
But at least he knew better, now. He’d go back to casual sex and pretty girls hanging off his arm. Easy. Fun. Uncomplicated. The walls would go back up and they wouldn’t come down again. Deep down he’d always known that men like him weren’t meant to be loved, that they weren’t worthy of genuine affection. Not all voids could be filled. People like you, or at least who he thought you were, were not for him. They deserved better. You’d always deserved better. He’d had a brief taste of happiness, but that was all he deserved. The universe would continue to punish him for his many bad deeds.
The only thing left to do was finally go to bed, but a solemn knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts. He could tell it was Steve.
“Steve?” he called, checking his watch. It was late, he’d assumed his second in command had already gone home.
Steve entered looking sullen. He was tensely holding his phone, and someone appeared to be on FaceTime with him. He cautiously extended it to his long-time friend.
“I’m sorry, Buck”, he said gravely.
“Steve..what?” Bucky asked as he gingerly took the phone from him. Sam looked back at him from the small screen, his solemn expression mirroring Steve’s.
“Bucky…I’m sorry,” Sam said quietly in that same tone, filling Bucky with a sinking dread.
Something was very wrong here.
“What is it?” He fired angrily at Sam, “just spit it out…”
Sam flipped the camera around to face what looked like a heap of old rags on the ground. He appeared to be in a parking garage, surrounded by nothing but concrete and darkness. It was hard to make anything out.
“What am I looking at here?” Bucky squinted at the camera as he tried to focus the image. Steve silently observed over his shoulder.
“Tell him what you just told us,” came the sound of Sam’s furious voice off-camera.
Bucky watched with confusion at the screen as Sam's boot suddenly kicked out at the heap, and the heap moved.
And then he clicked.
The ‘heap’ was a man.
The man groaned and cried out as Bucky realised the ‘rags’ were ripped, bloody clothes. He rolled over in obvious pain as Sam manoeuvred the camera to get a better look. As the man turned over, Bucky recognised his face.
It was one of his own.
“Rumlow?” Bucky asked with confusion.
Behind him, Steve moved closer and leaned forward to watch the screen. “Just watch, Buck” he said sombrely.
Rumlow looked up at the phone, blearily staring into the lens as he squinted at the phone light. His face was bruised and bloodied. Someone had given him a good going over.
“It was me. Alright? I did it,” Rumlow groaned.
“Did what?” Bucky sneered, still not entirely clear on where this was going – but already feeling his anger mounting.
Rumlow sighed heavily and Sam gave him another swift kick to the ribs to encourage him to continue.
He moaned out in pain and closed his eyes. “Aaargh. Alright…I did it! I did it okay! I made the recording!” he spat.
Bucky’s eyes darkened as comprehension of the situation unfolding began to take hold. His fist tightened around the phone screen. “Which recording…Rumlow?” He asked, his voice sinisterly calm.
Rumlow paused and spat a wad of blood onto the floor. Bucky recognised the look of fear building in the man’s eyes, he’d seen it many times before. Rumlow was stalling to delay the inevitable.
“Tell me!!” Bucky roared at the phone, holding it so tightly in his fist that the screen might crack.
He watched Rumlow wince as he turned away from the screen, dropping his head in defeat.
“Of your girl…talking to the police…it wasn’t her-uh-it wasn’t even real. I used AI. From…from recordings of her voice from old security footage…I’m sorry…I just-”
But Bucky was eerily composed. Rumlow took his silence as the cue to continue.
“I hacked into the security system and planted the clip of her getting in the car. And I stole her phone for a few hours when she was at the house with a friend, planting it at the meeting point then driving back with it. She didn’t even notice it was gone…I’m sorry I…”
Bucky cleared his throat. He tapped a single contemplative finger over his lips as his eyes glazed over.
“Sam?” he asked, his voice void of emotion.
Sam flipped the camera back to face himself. He looked grimly into the lens. “I’m sorry Buck…we had no idea…I caught him on the phone with the feds about the shipment – he thought I’d already left and-”
“Keep him warm,” Bucky interrupted, his voice cold like ice, “I have more urgent matters to attend to first, but I will deal with him”.
Sam merely nodded. Just as he cut the call, Bucky heard Rumlow wail and beg in the background. He’d be doing a lot more of that soon.
In a sudden fog of anger, Bucky pelted his phone hard against the wall. He roared with rage, lobbing his scotch glass at the window – shattering both. He flipped his desk, the chair, the bookcase – leaving a tsunami of destruction in his wake. Steve merely watched on, patiently. He knew Bucky needed to vent whichever way he could.
Eventually Bucky slowed, panting with exertion as he took a second to try and slick back his hair, now unkempt and messy from his outburst. He pulled back his shoulders as he attempted to regain his composure.
“We’ll find her, Buck”, Steve told him unwaveringly. “She can’t have gone far on foot. Then you can explain everything and apologise”.
Bucky shook his head as he ran his hands through his hair. Toeing the pile of debris that now cluttered his office floor he sighed heavily. “She told me she didn’t do it, Steve. And I didn’t believe her…”
“The recording was very convincing,” Steve clamped a sympathetic hand onto Bucky’s shoulder, “it sounded just like her – and had all of us fooled. Not to mention the phone location evidence…the CCTV of her leaving…before I came up here, Sam told me that this AI is brand new tech, far more advanced and convincing than what the masses have access to…”
Bucky bleakly shook his head, “Doesn’t matter. She’s my girlfriend and I’m supposed to trust her. Believe her. When I heard her voice on that recording I just…”, he trailed off sadly, “…it tapped into my worst fears…”
Steve nodded sagely. “Let’s just find her first, and you can talk to her. And then we can deal with Rumlow”.
Bucky grimaced, “I knew he was a risk to take on…with our shared history in HYDRA’s organisation…but I never thought…”
“Let’s just find her for now,” Steve repeated, always calm in a crisis. He pulled out his phone, making calls to various members of their group, sending out texts and kicking off various communication chains. In mere minutes, they’d have entire squads of their men scouring the area with a fine-tooth comb.
Bucky stood amongst the wreckage – the room’s physical ruins a glaring reminder that this wasn’t the only mess he’d made tonight. He pulled his own phone from his jacket pocket, opening his photo album as the pings and buzzes from Steve’s device filled the room. He flicked through the pictures of you: your face cheesily grinning at the camera, your lips sweetly planted on his cheek, a candid shot of you cooking in the kitchen – caught off-guard, your mouth a small ‘o’ of surprise. You’d asked him to delete it as you thought you looked dumb, but he insisted he keep as he like the way your eyes sparkled in it. It was one of his favourites. Looking at the pictures helped him calm down, his breath evening as he remembered what was important here. He ran a finger over the image of your face, “I’m sorry, doll” he whispered, “I promise I’ll do anything I can to fix this…”
A couple of miles away, you slept deeply in the tear-stained hotel sheets – completely unaware of the organised efforts to track you down. You didn’t dream, you didn’t stir, you just slept - grateful to give yourself over to oblivion.
💔
There had only been a few places you could have gone on foot.
Bucky’s men had worked quickly despite the late hour. The local police force, already firmly in Bucky’s pocket, loaned him a few law enforcement bodies to assist with the search, no questions asked – as was standard. Sheriff Bodecker always played ball. They collected the CCTV from local businesses, doorbell cam footage from local residents (who weren’t particularly happy to be woken to do so, but didn’t have much choice), swept the area on foot and in vehicles. It was faintly possible you had hitchhiked and thumbed a ride into the city, but Bucky knew this wasn’t likely, so they put that option on the backburner – although it hadn’t been entirely ruled out.
The gas station staff hadn’t seen you, but their CCTV did catch a blurred figure passing in the road opposite the camera. A faint outline of your route started to emerge as the puzzle pieces came together. Eventually, Bucky was sent the security footage of you checking into the Holiday Inn. His heart pulled as he watched you looking lost at the reception desk – your eyes round like saucers as you produced crumpled dollar bills, head turning left to right as you surveyed your drab surroundings. He could only imagine how lost you must’ve felt, how hurt and betrayed. Exiled by the man you loved, you trusted, and having to hunker down in a shitty roadside hotel. Part of him was impressed by your ability to pick yourself up and keep going even in the toughest circumstances – it was one of the many reasons he loved you. But mainly, he was ashamed. Ashamed that he’d pushed you to this, that he’d failed you in so many ways.
Bucky inhaled deeply as he closed the hotel clip on his phone, nodding to his driver and stepping into the dark SUV.
I’m on my way, doll.
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