#I just want to stop vaping so so sooo bad

[scaredbunny]

I got juice for my vape and it tastes so fucking gross I can't stand it.

[jeankirsteinsgrlfrnd]

the attack on titan characters and vaping

modern au

a/n: most of this is according to my fanfic :)

eren jaeger is sooo clutching a cool mint disposable vape. it’s always in his pocket. he’s the accusatory type when he loses it, always claiming someone has it but in reality he’s just sitting on it. swears he’s not addicted but runs to get another one when it dies.

armin arlert is too cool to vape or smoke cigarettes. he does use a dab pen because of the convenience and how it doesn’t leave a smell. he occasionally lectures eren on his use but knows it’s a useless battle.

mikasa ackerman goes through different phases. she’ll vape for a long time, and then quit, and then start again. her flavor of choice is anything cherry flavored. she knows it’s bad for her so she tries to stop but since eren does it, she always falls back into the habit.

connie springer wishes he could vape. he just can’t get into it. it’s too harsh for his throat and it leaves him a coughing mess. if anything, he’ll have a shitty box mod with very low levels of nicotine. he just likes to call himself a vape god when he does very mediocre tricks.

jean kirstein thinks vaping is incredibly stupid. he tried it once and was immediately put off by it. he smokes cigarettes like a ‘real man.’ i wouldn’t call him a smoker smoker, but maybe he smokes one or two a day. he plans to quit.

sasha braus neither vapes nor smokes habitually. she tried to hit eren’s vape once and it burned her throat so bad her eyes watered and she couldn’t stop coughing. however, when she gets really, really drunk, she’ll be found having a drunk cigarette.

marco bodt has never touched a vape or a cigarette. he sees how easily his friends became addicted and honestly, he doesn’t want that for himself. he hates when jean smokes.

reiner braun doesn’t vape. he doesn’t smoke, either. he’s a big gym bro and takes his health pretty seriously. his body is a temple and he treats it as such. he also makes a big deal when someone smokes near him.

bertholdt hoover hits the occasional vape if he’s with his friends but he’s never bought one for himself. he’s not addicted either so he only hits it if he’s offered. he enjoys the head buzz but knows starting a serious habit wouldn’t be good for him.

annie leonhardt smoked cigarettes first and then tried to get into vaping. she decided it wasn’t for her and switched back to cigarettes. she thinks if you’re going to vape, you might as well just smoke. it’s more romantic, she thinks. she’s tried to calm it down since dating armin, though.

hange zoe insists that she vapes but she never has one of her own. she also coughs up a storm when she hits anyone else’s.

levi ackerman wouldn’t be caught dead vaping. he thinks it’s stupid and it’s for kids who are too much of a coward to smoke a real cigarette. he doesn’t smoke cigarettes either but he’s tried them before in the past. he might have one if he’s really, really stressed but he tries not to indulge.

erwin smith doesn’t like smoking. he doesn’t like when it’s done around him, either. he’s kind of uptight about it and no one’s really sure why.

zeke jaeger vapes. he totally would be the type to have a necklace to attach to it so he’d never lose it. he spends an unreasonable amount of time in the vape shop looking at all the flavors. i feel like he’d also have a fancy vape, like something with a weird fancy mouth piece.

ymir’s been sneaking cigs for years. obviously,she’s old enough now and the habit of smoking has stuck. she has a pack on her all the time. she’ll vape here and there if it’s presented but she’s a classic girl and prefers her cigarettes.

historia reiss doesn’t vape. she says she doesn’t smoke either but she partakes in it from time to time. usually when she starts ranting on about something, ymir will hand her a cigarette and hit it without really realizing it. it makes ymir laugh everytime.

porco galliard is a vaper. he loves his lil vape. he ‘accidentally’ got addicted after pieck made him try it. he also swears he doesn’t have a problem but he does!!

pieck finger has a fruity little girl vape. it’s definitely pink lemonade flavored. i feel like she’s always got in her hand and she’s also always offering it to people. she’s like a god damn chimney when she drinks, always puffing it.

my jean fanfic

[wintersoldiersoul]

Quit

Summary: Quitting nicotine is hard. Luckily Bucky is there to distract you.

Warnings: vaping, smoking cigarettes, smut, oral (f receiving), tiny bit of degrading, praise kink

You fumbled with your keys and drunkenly stumbled into the apartment. A night out with Natasha and Wanda always meant you would have a good time. 

“Fun night?” Bucky said, getting up from the couch and walking over to you. He laughed as he took in your drunken state. 

“So fun,” you chimed, trying to bend down to take off your heels, only to fall over.

Bucky chucked. “Sit down, sweetheart. I’ll take your shoes off for you.” After he removed your shoes, he helped you stand up. “You’re so funny when you’re drunk.” He grabbed your face and kissed you gently. But when he pulled away, his face was stern. “Y/N, come on! I thought we agreed! No more drunk cigs.” He had tasted the cigarettes you smoked earlier on your lips. “I thought you wanted to quit, hun.” He wasn’t mad. He knew how hard quitting nicotine could be. After all, he had grown up in the 40s, when everyone constantly had a Marlboro hanging off their lips, including him. Of course the way he stopped was by being brainwashed so he didn’t fully experience what quitting was like, but he still understood how hard it was.

“But it’s sooo hard, Bucky!” You whined. 

He looked inside of your purse and found the vape that you had also bought that night, your drunk mind wanting nicotine and nicotine only. He still wasn’t mad, though. He just wanted to help you quit and be healthy. “Y/N, you bought a vape?”

Your addiction was no secret to Bucky. In fact, you first met when you were standing on the New York City sidewalk, hitting your vape. You took it everywhere you went, like it was emotional support. Going from the bedroom to the kitchen? It wasn’t leaving your hand. He didn’t push you to quit. The only time he tried, you explained to him that of course you knew it was bad for you, but that didn’t mean you could just stop. Him telling you about how bad it was wasn’t any new information and it sure as hell wasn’t gonna help you stop. After that, he understood that quitting was something that you had to decide to do on your own. 

But when you approached him a couple weeks ago saying that you were ready to quit, he was ready to help. You had tried quitting cold turkey before and it never stuck, so you knew you would need a different approach. You rarely smoked cigarettes, only when you were drunk, so that was part of the deal. No more drunk cigs. The second part of the deal was that you couldn’t have your vape in your possession. Bucky kept one hidden away, in a place he knew you’d never find it. You were only allowed to ask him for it 15 times a day, which was minimal compared to the constant puffs your body was used to. Your codeword was “lipstick.” When you said the word, Bucky reluctantly gave you the vape. 

“I’m taking this, okay? You only have 15 asks per day, remember,” he said, grabbing the vape from your purse. You pouted but you knew he was right. And you were making progress. It was getting easier to stop.

The next morning, you did something that hadn’t happened in a week. The first thing you did when you opened your eyes was instinctively reach for the vape that you used to keep on your bedside table. You groaned when it wasn’t there. “Buckyyy,” you groaned.

He yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Yes, darling?”

“Lipstick.” 

“Already?” He said, to which you nodded. “Okay.” He stretched as he got out of bed and left the room, returning a few minutes later with your prized possession in hand. You took a long inhale from the device, closing your eyes as the chemicals filled your head. 

The two of you both started your day. You did work at your desk while Bucky enjoyed having a day off and relaxing. You asked him for the vape a couple times while you worked, but you weren’t keeping track of how many times it had been. “Lipstick,” you said as you typed a report that you needed to do.

“You’re done, babe,” Bucky informed you. 

You turned your head away from the laptop. “Wait, what?”

He nodded. “Yup. That was 15.”

“Oh.” Usually, you could make your 15 hits last at least until 8pm but the cigarettes and vaping that you had consumed last night must have set you back more than you realized. You tried to focus back on your work but your mind could only think about the nicotine that your body was craving. Bucky watched you, seeing how your leg was bouncing. He knew exactly what was going on in your body. “Bucky, please,” you begged after a few minutes, getting desperate.

“No, baby. You just need a distraction. Can you take a break from your work for a bit?”

“I’m trying to work as my distraction. But yeah, this isn’t pressing.”

He got up from the couch in your office and walked over to the desk. “I think I know a more fun distraction.” He crawled under your desk.

“Bucky what are you-” Your words were cut off when he spread your legs apart, exposing the panties you were wearing under your skirt. “Oh,” you laughed when you realized his plan.

His hands ran up and down your inner thighs. Within seconds, you were overwhelmed with need. You never understood how he could turn you on so quickly by barely even doing anything but if anyone could, it was Bucky Barnes. He lightly traced his finger tip over your underwear, putting enough pressure on your clit that you could feel it, but not nearly enough to give you what you needed. “B-buck,” you looked down at him. The sight of the 6-foot tall man kneeled under your desk just wanting to please you was almost enough to make you cum. 

He looked in your eyes as he slid his fingers into the waistband of your underwear, pulling them down your legs. He hummed at the sight of your bare pussy, already soaking wet and ready for him. “God, baby,” he moaned. “This all because of me? Just because I touched your legs a little bit? You’re such a slut for me aren’t you, baby?”

His words sent your head into a frenzy. You were desperate, pussy wet and exposed to him, throbbing and clenching around nothing. “Yes, I’m your slut, Bucky!” You whined, just wanting him to do something.

“Good girl,” he growled before creating a seal around your clit and sucking. You screamed out at the sudden intense stimulation. The feeling of your throbbing clit in his mouth had you bucking your hips against his face. He turned his eyes upwards, blue irises looking at you lustfully as he thrust two metal fingers inside of you. 

“Fuck!” You screamed out. You felt him smile smugly against you at your reaction. He kept his fingers where they were, toying around with the inside of your pussy and suddenly pushing down on your g-spot. “Bucky!”

He began to thrust his fingers in and out of you, lips and tongue still continuing to devour your clit. He moaned against your cunt, the vibrations sending pleasure all over your body. 

“Shit, I’m gonna cum!” You moaned as you felt the pressure in your stomach get more and more intense. He hummed again as a response, giving you permission to explode on his face. You came undone at the feeling, your juices flooding into his mouth and all over his chin and fingers.

You sat breathless as he removed his fingers from you and put them in your mouth “You taste how sweet you are, baby? Swear I could spend forever eating your perfect cunt.”

You just hummed around his fingers, still blissed out from your previous orgasm. “You still thinking about nicotine, babe?” He smirked. 

“No. Definitely not.”

[leffee]

Does anyone in your lps au smoke? Or vape?

Primarily, no. Well, not out the main seven or whatever we want to call them. Because for some reason I can't stop headcanoning that Sugar Sprinkles smokes, I almost don't have headcanons for her, but one thing I know is that she smokes cigarettes. So primarly only her, but in some other universe it would be Pepper and Vinnie, maybe Sunil and Zoe too. All cigarettes though, I think they would see vapes as "for babies" (Minka really likes their smell though).

That's it though, I mean, if we went deeper into some upside-down completely bad AU where they are all at their absolute worst, they would all probably do that, not to mention more, but that's just a thought.

I hate smoking or vaping though, alcohol I accept I mean if not in super big doses every day, but I despise smoking. Those who bullied me all smoked cigarrettes, so you can probably see why I despise them. Each time I see someone smoke and start getting those bad feelings I simply think to myself that they will have sooo many health problems because of smoking. It makes me soo content :)

[willow-salix]

Why hello there

Is there anything you would recommend a babi witch like myself studying that has been missed from my list :>

Mah list (so far):

○ Witch vs Pagan vs Wicca

○ Types of witches

○ Grey witch

○ Black witch

○ Crystals + Properties

○ Sacred geometry

○ Pentacle + Pentagram

○ Sigils

○ Protection

○ Moon phases

○ Sabbats

○ Types of salts

○ Respecting nature

○ Graveyard etiquette

○ Spirit guides

○ Divination (runes, Tarot, Coins, etc)

○ Casting a circle

○ Candle magick

○ Colour magick

○ Closed practice appropriation

○ Herbs

○ Astrology

○ Tree of life

○ Auras

○ The five clairs

○ Energy/visualisation magick

○ History of starseeds

○ Astral projection

○ Methods of meditation

○ Grounding

○ Plant magick

Ooh OK! Here goes.

First and foremost, as a witch of twenty plus years, the most important thing I can tell you is to be yourself. If this is a belief system and way of life that you want for life it has to fit in with you and your personality.

Forget everything you see on Instagram, tictok or Pinterest, it's not about the aesthetic, it's about you.

There is no room for witch shaming on my blog.

And by that I mean that EVERYONE works in different ways, at a different pace and to different levels. Never compare yourself to anyone else or how they work. Never think that you aren't doing enough or that you aren't progressing enough.

You are on your own path and that is the right one for you, so you do it your own way. You want to stop and smell the flowers? Do it. You want to dip your feet in that stream? Go for it! You want to stop and rest for a bit? Best idea ever!

You should never feel pressured to do anything that you aren't ready for or aren't comfortable with. That includes such things as blood magic, working with deity you don't feel a connection with, working skyclad, doing any kind of sexual magic or anything that makes you feel off about it. It's YOUR craft.

Be kind to yourself, don't have expectations and don't ever think you aren't good enough or worthy.

This includes making your craft unique to you. Visualisation is one of the witches most poweful tools, the magic doesn't come from the expensive athame, insence or candles, its in the heart of the witch. The power comes from you. And visualisation is your key to that but so is choosing how to make it work for you.

Take me for example, I'm this loveable thundernerd witch, so that reflects in my craft.

In circle (mediumship development) we did a meditation and I was directed to the beach. So what beach did I go to...

"There's a lovely beach, I can feel the salt water on my skin, I can smell the salt in the air, there's a light breeze that's rustling the leaves on the palm trees all around me and in the distance I can hear the faint sound of someone playing the piano."

Hell yeah I was there. That's my happy place!

I need to ascend to a higher level of consciousness? Am I taking that golden winding staircase or am I calling John for the space elevator? What do you think I'm gonna choose?

I need to go lower, below the earth to go into trance? Hell I'm taking Alan's seat down.

Make it work for you.

Working with charms, that's a very important thing for me. I have lucky charms, trinkets and things everywhere. And they don't have to be pagan. I put a spell on my car to keep me safe and the car safe. Then I charged up a little TAG John and Virgil, they live in my car, Virgil is my co-pilot John is my navigator. They help me feel calm and safe.

Energy weaving is a big thing, I always do it that any energy I raise for something that doesn't already have a predetermined purpose, say for example it's full moon and I'm bouncing around outside, everything I raise I direct out to the earth as healing. I'll raise my arms to the heavens and say : I send this energy out to anyone or anything that needs it right now, I send my love and healing into the wind and trust that it will be taken to where it can do the mslt good.

Talking to other witches about how they do things and how they work is sooooo important. That's why I'm not in a tradition ( alexandrian, gardnerian etc) because I don't like having just one way to do things. That doesn't work for most people, they just won't admit it.

Trying different things to find a way that works for you is so much nicer and healthier than struggling to work the one way that you've been taught. So read, a lot, watch a lot of reputable youtubers (I recommend Tylluan Penry, she's amazing, a grandmother witch and a good friend of mine) and make your own choices. And remember that nothing is set in stone, we are ever evolving and every changing, if you feel the urge to try something new and work a different way, do it. You don't have to stick with it.

An astral altar, sooo important but something I don't see many people talking about. An astral altar is something you build in meditation.

You have your happy place, somewhere you feel safe and calm and protected (Tracy Island and the beach for me or my Nan and Grandads house as I remember it before they passed away) but it could be anywhere, a woodland, a house, a stream, a playground you used to love. Anything or anywhere.

Here you find a nice place that you like and you dream up /visualise your altar base, like a nice table, a tree stump, and rock, anything. And here you place all the items you might need, all the things you've dreamed about that you can't afford or the things you have in real life. And you place them all there. You keep that space, you charge it up, you spend time there and then, any time you are away form home or can't get to your altar in the real world for any reason, you have somewhere to go, somewhere to work and some where to commune.

Tools, I didn't see that on the list but might have missed it.

Anything can be a tool. That's the biggest lesson of all. Our pagan ancestors would have used whatever they had to hand, no tools were single use or bought for the purpose of their craft. A cauldron was cooked in all week, a knife is used to chop everything and then used to direct energy.

These days we have the resources (and don't have to hide) to be able to have specific tools that we use only for our craft, but they don't have to be expensive. Go to a thrift store or buy cheap on eBay, a letter opener is an athame, a single wine glass can be a chalice, a pretty bowl is your offering bowl, a single plate is an offering plate, mismatched candle stick holders. All valid and will work just as well. The tools are a focus, they are NOT the source of our power.

Another tip, make witchcraft part of your every day life. Make it as natural and normal as everything else you do. It's part of your life and should be treated as such.

Making coffee in the morning? Set your intentions for the day and focus on it as you make it. You want to draw positivity? Stir doesil (clockwise) that's attracting. Want to rid yourself of the bad mood you had yesterday? Stir widdershins (counterclockwise) that's banishing. Not got anything? Stir a pentagram and call it good.

Sigils, doodle them everywhere (if you want a quick lesson on how to draw them and make up your own, let me know). Charm the shit out of everything.

Whisper a food blessing before you make food or eat. Bring that abundance in.

Trail your fingers along a wall or bushes to feel the energy as you walk.

Everything is magical to a witch.

Read mythology stories, it helps us learn and helps us connect to the stories of our pantheons and deity.

And heres the biggest thing I can tell you. Don't worry about getting things wrong. It's how we learn and honestly there is no such thing as wrong as long as your intentions are right.

Wording of spells doesn't matter, the intention and feeling behind them does.

You can do a cleansing by saying : Blessed spirit, Father God, mother goddess, I ask that you bless this house/tool /space and help drive out any negativity. Spirits that reside, if you're good you may stay, if you wish me halm, then please leave.

Nothing wrong with that.

Or you do a me: Mother Goddess, Father God, I'm back. Help me out here please, I need to cleanse this shit. Yo, spirits, good guys, ya chill, bad shit, get the fuck out! I'm the witch I'm in charge, do as you're told *claps hands all over the place and follows up with a cloud of vape smokes because my intention is in my breath and I'm blowing that negativity away*

And last but not least. I'm sure you've heard "Ever mind the rule of three, what you send out comes back to thee" That's very true, try to only send out good if you can. But you're human and it won't always happen, you'll have bad thoughts and negative emotions, that's normal and fine. Just don't do it with nastiness in your heart.

"and if it harms none, do what you will."

There's a line here most people don't know... "do no harm. But take no shit."

Because the one person most witches forget to look out for is themselves. Being good, doing good and being positive is great, but not at the expense of yourself. If it harms you, don't do it.

Love and light, and bright blessings to you. X

[notyobabygirl]

hey liz 💙 my boyfriend a week ago told me he was going to quit smoking weed. i was honestly really proud of him and i think it’d be for the better. it seems like he kinda relies on weed, he spends so much money on it, and idk i think he’s just grown as a person so much lately that he should kick the habit while he can. he’s been smoking weed since he was like 14 and he’s 18 now. he didn’t smoke for 4 days but then he bought more on the 4th day and has been smoking ever since. at first he told me he got the weed just to smoke before bed to help him sleep. but he’s back to smoking multiple times a day. as his girlfriend idk what i should do about it… i don’t want to overbear and tell him he needs to quit but i don’t think i should just let him give up. he quit vaping last summer and he went back to it a couple times before actually quitting. so hopefully this is the same deal where it’s just gonna take a few tries for him to really be able to just stop. i kinda talked to him about it last night i was like “ok you told me you were quitting and you asked me to get on you about it if you smoke. should i still get on you or do you not want to quit anymore?” and he said “ik i need to quit or at least smoke a lot less than i do now” but like it didn’t help me understand much. i’m not sure how to go about this because weed is honestly a part of who he is as sad as that sounds. but i can see how much it affects him in his every day life. like his memory is the absolute worst i’ve ever seen, he’s so slow in general, and he gets sooo moody when he hasn’t smoked in more than a few hours. which is a big reason i think he went back to smoking after only 4 days is because he kept getting mood swings and would lash out over minor things. whereas weed keeps him chill and happier. idk i really don’t. what would you do if you were me? try to push him to attempt quitting again or let him figure this out by himself?

I know that it can be really difficult just quitting cold turkey and odds are, you will relapse if you just decide to quit after smoking all the time for over four years. I think you should suggest only smoking before bed and the slowly when he doesn't feel so dependent on that then lessen it. if his memory is bad and you just think weed is really affecting him in a negative way, then I think you should push for him to quit and help him through it!

[milkygraveyard]

i feel so gross

yesterday at work i almost had another panic attack which is so annoying because i’ve never ever ever had to deal w those in my life

and my coworker was there and i didn’t want to ask her for help again so i got up and just started distracting myself with work as hard as i could

it helped but like wtf i felt like i was going to black out

and idk i just feel soooo weak rn

i started getting anxious because my throat feels weird and my back was aching soooo bad and my head hurts i can’t even tell if i’m getting sick or if it’s something else idk but then i started thinking what if i have covid :/ and the day before yesterday i went on a bender and didn’t sleep at all and went to work the next morning and i was sooo dehydrated. at some point while i was taking an order my fingers were paralyzed and i started freaking out

that’s also never happened to me before. i eventually was able to feel my fingers again but idk it was just scary

i think i need to stop doing drugs because i feel like that’s what’s fucking me up. and i need to stop smoking vapes too uggggh

my body is going to literally shut down one day

anyways i still can’t tell if i have covid or not.. my throat is sore but i can’t tell if it’s just from the coke i didn’t and my back aches and i feel chills in my body

or maybe it’s just because i’m cold i hate that i can’t tell lol

but my head still hurts so bad

it doesn’t feel hot or anything tho so who knows and i can still smell and taste things

i think i’m just trippin

[purplesurveys]

886

1. smiling right now? No. Does anyone sit here grinning while taking surveys? < Hahaha the visual made me laugh so I am smiling now, indeed. I don’t usually smile when taking surveys though, unless someone sent me a funny text or something.

 2. did you ever date the last person you kissed? Yeah, and that’s still going on.

 3. What’s irritating you right now? My wireless headphones are charging and I really want to use them now.

 4. when did you last eat pizza? End of Feb-ish. JM called for a meeting at 5:30 on a Friday, so to make up for it he bought three party-sized pizzas and a box of mojos for all of us. He was starving that time so that was definitely a big influence on his order which was unnecessarily too big, considering that we were only five people in the meeting.

 5. do you drink beer? Only if I really have to, otherwise I hate the taste. Some parties or social events only serve beer, so. I always have to mask the disgust on my face for every sip too, lol.

 6. what do you want? For me to stop overthinking. I can do that about everything, and it’s not fun. It’s just tiring.

7. do you have any television obsessions? Friends. Save for seasons 1 and 2, I’ve watched every episode at least a dozen times and even keep it playing on Netflix to help me fall asleep.

8. last spoken words you heard? “You ok?” My puppy was whining in his sleep so I called him and asked him that.

9. when was the last time you cried? Couple of days ago. I was watching this soldier dad surprising his kids for Christmas. Am a big sucker for dads being gone a long time and going back home their family, given that my dad has been an overseas worker for as long as I can remember.

10. is your sister a slut? She is not. Not that it would be a bad thing if she was; she’s just not one.

 11. pepsi or coke? I don’t like soda but my parents would sometimes buy one of the lighter versions of Coke and when I tasted those, it was actually a bit pleasant. Still didn’t enjoy the fizziness but at least it burned my throat a lot less.

 13. what is your favorite sport? Pro wrestling, if it counts. I havent’t watched an episode in years and I truthfully don’t recognize half the top wrestlers in the world right now, but I’m still very much attached to it. Wrestling’s been in my life in so long that it would be dumb not to name it as my favorite.

14. do you enjoy piercings and tattoos? I don’t actively look for them in other people but when I come across someone with a tattoo that has a cool story behind it, I’d love to hear about it.

15. do you enjoy taco bell or mcdonalds? Yes. Taco Bell slightly more, because I barely get to have it whereas there’s a McDo every five kilometers where I live and it’s easy to get tired of it.

16. are you restless? Lately yes, more than usual. Finally got around to joining several job-hunting websites just so I can get acquainted with this new environment that I’ll be in for pretty much the rest of my life, so naturally I’ve been overthinking a lot - about whether I’m good or skilled enough or not, if my resumé’s good enough even though mine is objectively stacked...the mind is not a healthy place, y’all. Sigh.

17. is your computer a laptop? It is.

18. what is your favorite color? Pastel pink.

19. what color is your hair? Black.

20. last inbox text message? “Is July 19 okay?” From our college yearbook’s editor-in-chief. I work on the yearbook committee and very few people have been submitting writeups, so we’re thinking of extending the deadline from today to ^ that date.

21. your response? I gave it a thumbs-up. The EIC likes acting as if he’s in charge of everything and never asks for my opinion or assigns me anything as the associate editor, so much so that I’ll sometimes take up certain crucial tasks all on my own and just inform him afterwards. Today he sent that message and he didn’t even tag me for my opinion and simply tagged the overall graduation committee head, ugh. I still acknowledged it with a thumbs-up so that he can’t say I’m unresponsive.

23. do you like anyone right now? I like all my friends, but I like one person in a romantic sense.

24. who is in the room with you? Kimi and Cooper are both sleeping near me, albeit separated. I don’t think these two are ever going to get along, and I’m slowly trying to accept that lol.

25. what are you wearing on your feet? Nothing.

26. what are your favorite pairs of shoes? Either my pair of Nike Cortez or the retro Onitsuka Tiger sneakers. Both are really comfy and go with most of my clothes.

27.who was the last person to say i love you? Gabie.

28. what was the last thing you ate? Luncheon meat sandwich for breakfast.

30. what is the closest item near you that is blue? An empty disposable vape pen in my wallet. It’s been out of juice for a few months now but I just haven’t thrown it out.

31. what instant messaging service do you use? Messenger for the most part. I move to Telegram if the topic is going to be confidential.

32. who was at your house last? My grandma and cousin. Kuya got McDonald’s for me and my siblings and I got sooo excited because I hadn’t had McDonald’s since before the lockdown. They also went over just to catch up, because my village had finally slightly loosened how strict they were with not letting non-residents in; and also to meet Cooper. 

33. which do you wear more, jeans or sweatpants? Definitely jeans. I own like one pair of sweatpants and I never wear it.

34. what is the last movie you watched? Embarrassingly enough, it’s still Cat in the Hat. Though there’s a local movie that’s been getting unbelievably good reviews that I’ve been itching to see; it’s called Through Night and Day. I plan to see that next.

35. what do you currently hear right now? I have a lo-fi playlist on my Spotify. This current song has a bit of piano going on.

36. is it on the radio or computer? Laptop.

38. where is your mom? She’s at her workplace, most likely typing away on the computer.

39. where did you get the shirt you’re wearing? My mom formerly owned it and she just passed it down to me.

40. where was your default picture taken? On here, it’s of Diane Nguyen from BoJack Horseman. Given that we’re both Southeast Asians, wear glasses, like to write, and love our food and eat them messily, it might as well be a portrait of me lol. My profile picture on Facebook is my graduation photo, and on Twitter it’s a webcam shot of me carrying both Kimi and Cooper, in a rare moment that I got to hold them in each of my arms.

41. are you texting someone? Nope.

42. would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yesss.

43. would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you? I truthfully don’t know what I would do since I’ve never been in this situation. I do see a slight chance of me taking them back, as stupid as it sounds. But I guess I will never really know what I’d do unless it’s already happening to me.

44. do you own something tie dyed? No.

45. did you hurt yourself today? I don’t think so.

46. do you want someone you can’t have? Can’t say I’m feeling like this right now.

47. who makes you smile the most? Kimi, especially when he listens to what I say because he always looks so sweet haha. Cooper’s in his terrible twos at the moment and is just hell-bent on biting every hand and foot he sees, so I’m still adjusting.

[newhologram]

I think the funniest ignorant ableist anon I've ever gotten was one like 3 years ago that said something like, "maybe you'd feel better if you stopped smoking so much pot." 

 Reasons it's hilarious:

I've never actually smoked???? Not even a regular cigarette or even hookah. I have a small vape pen for medical marijuana but it’s so mild I barely feel it most of the time anyway. I feel more from DayQuil. I mostly use edibles anyway because they help treat basically all of my illnesses and their symptoms at once.

I’M CALIFORNIAN and yet the first time I ever tried cannabis was at age 23 in the context of “I’ve just been diagnosed with narcolepsy and the neurologist will only give me stimulants even though I have arrhythmia and mental illness and I want to die and in doing research on my condition I found all these people who said that weed suppresses their sleep paralysis and also helps with depression so maybe this will help me, I’M SCARED I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT BUT IT HAS TO BE BETTER THAN GODDAMN STIMULANTS” (and then the first night I tried a bonbon I cried laughing watching Futurama at 3am and then fell asleep almost like a normal person, why is this illegal)

This person legitimately believed that little ol’ cannabis was what was making me sick and disabled. That it was making me have horrible full-body pain, fatigue, insomnia, vomiting, bleeding ulcers, depression, anxiety, negative thoughts, suicidal ideations, etc

“you’d feel better if you stopped” 

??????????????????????

does this person not know how cannabis works omfg that’s like saying “maybe you’d dry off if you stopped using towels”

Come to think of it, I wasn’t open online about being a pot patient back then because of the stigma around it, so I think I know which friend it was who sent that anon because even though they knew I was sick and struggling, they were sooo judgmental and thought that anyone who touched cannabis was just a bad person chasing highs and that I was using my illnesses as an excuse to get toasted. Would they rather me be sucking down crazy straws of morphine packs all day to be functional or would they rather me spend all day in pain doing my best and then smartly take an edible when I’m safely home so I can have a few hours of relief? Fuck that, let people who have chronic pain have SOME relief, and cannabis is just so... like I can’t believe that alcohol is legal and cannabis isn’t. It’s like, ujhh??? This is especially sad considering what we know now about atlas subluxation and how my suffering all had a real physical source. I was suffering so bad and they were just so ignorant about it.

I mean, Jesus, it SUPPRESSES my hypnagogic sleep paralysis episodes from narcolepsy which plagued me daily since I was 13. Do you know what it’s like to be paralyzed and hallucinate for a few hours a day and then wake up cross-eyed, unable to see right, slurring, and having to stumble around everywhere with a horrible headache because your brain is messed up? I was blown away when I figured out that cannabis actually helps to correct and suppress it. I went from 1 attack DAILY to 1 every few months maybe. That’s huge. 

I talk about all of this in more detail in my videos which I still haven’t edited orz, but hopefully soon they’ll be up. 

Also as I always say when I share what I do to manage my illness, not everything I do is going to be for everyone. We all have different bodies. What works for me might not work for you. I know cannabis just doesn’t agree with some people, the same way stimulants and antidepressants don’t agree with me (Hi, I’m I Want To Die Even More Than Usual)

Don’t let ignorant people get away with saying stupid things like that, man.   

[bambaooo]

i just spent the last 5 nights in nova

i think the last time i spent that much time in nova was maybe thanksgiving week? idk

it was kinda nice though

i feel like ive said this before, but ive used to have a hard time staying in nova.

like i wouldnt want to be back that long, id only want to be in nova for the smallest amount of time possible, but shit look at me now i just almost spent a week in nova lol

started off on tuesday, actually monday sorta andy came through

chilled then on tuesday slept in a tiny bit then chilled before i had to go to my doctors appointment 

after i went to the gym

chilled with andy again for a bit then we caravanned to nova, sorta

he stopped a few times while i drove straight through

went to kbbq, tried not to eat to much and i ened up eating a good amount

went home and then crashed for the night, it was already kinda late

woke up and went stright to work on the kitchen table, my usual work from home home set up

around lunch time i got ready and headed to abus to work there for the rest of the day

it sounded like a better idea than it actually was.

like i can usually smoke for 1-2 hours max on the long end.

but like having to be be there a baby sit a hookah for 4 hours is hard af.

even though i had hella water, i started feeling kinda sick lol

i blame the shitty coals they use there

andy met up with me for the last hour, he did work too

but we then hit up the block for some poke, poke is sooo bomb

went home and then later ate some dinner with my fam

then chilled for the rest of the night

thursday, it was a short workday because of good friday being a holiday

so once i got off at 2, i went straight to meet up kevin at TFN,

its kinda nice training with kilo plates,

after wards took a little detour around falls church, to get some banh mi

i went to bahn mi dc instead of the usuall lees. 

it used to be one of my favorites before lees, but i think lees is still my number 1. 

their bread is sooo much better

it was also kinda nice driving around the area where i grew up at. 

like i mentioned before, i have a story for almost everywhere i went by. its just weird how much has changed over the years

went home at crushed some sandwiches outside cause its was fucking nice out.

and then just chilled at home then ate dinner wit the fam then crashed

friday, i woke up and then wanted to clean my car.

i havnt really cleaned my car in a couple years lol

but it was kind of a time capsule

i think the oldest shit i found in there was some recepts and shit from maybe 2015

it felt really nice cleaning out my trunk and back seat

a lot of shit that wasnt really sentimental, but there were definitely has some memories behind them

good and bad memories.

a lot of shit was from the house fire, like literally the last bits of stuff that i had in that house that i dont really need anymore

but there was also some other shit, kinda caught me off guard when i found it, but it reminded me of a good time in my life. i got a good smile out of it

but anyways my car is clean now

was gonna run some errands to get some vape shit, but then hit up ronnie and ended up chilling with him and then went to the vape shop together

then basically just chilled at his place for the rest of the day

made it back home for dinner

it was also the last friday of lent so we had some good shit

fried fish and shrimp is always bomb

ive been using patis and lemon/lime/calimansi or w/e citrus friuit is available

but its always hella bomb

we were eating mangos for dessert and ended up dipping some mangos in the patis too, lol wasnt too bad

saturday, ended up just going to this smaller gym in falls church and trained there

training at a non comercial gym feels dope

and it just feels a lot better than lifting at vcu gyms lol

everyone there is training for a purpose, not just to go to the gym

after that went home and just watched netflix and chilled for the rest of the day

watched dr strange, gardians of the galaxy, started dear white people

before i started and finished on my block, and that shit is dopeeee af

cant wait for the next season

but yeahhhhhh,

today, woke up got ready and headed to church

it was helllla packed lol

and the priest even called out the people that go to church only for easter

it was pretty funny, i mean i havnt been going to church every sunday, but shit i still go to church more than once a year lol

after we went to peking gourmet, it was hella good as always

after my parent ran some errand so i dipped back to RVA

the drive actually wasnt that bad

ive been listening to podcasts while driving, makes the podcast more barable

but then ran some errands, 

then chilled with igi

got some jimmy johns then headed home

then now im hereee.

this one was hella long, lol

instead of a weekend, it was more like a ful week

but yahh 

on call this week, so its chill

hope it goes by fast

but now i gotta sleep.

gnight tumblr. 

[pinkaestexic-blog]

more “fuck my life”

im trying to efficiently maintain two jobs but my schedules are starting to intertwine and i have to lie to one of my employers to be able to work certain nights but hey a girl has to do what a girl has to do right? i mean i told my manager that i need certain days off to be able to work at the other place but that wont be till 3 weeks till its on the scheduled and so like ugh i feel bad for lying and omg my mom heard me lie saying i was sick and she flipped like fuck sorry i suck. But yes i have been sooo soooo sooo sososososooss depressed lately and feel like shit about myself and tired of being relentlessly aspiring yet completely mediocre cause those things do not mix ya feel.  and i just want greatness im not content with normal! like i want this crazy glamours life but those just arent my cards! i need to stop crying about the cards i believe i should have been dealt and just play the hell out of the ones im holding. Like im trying universe i swear. I work i go home, vape, cry, hang out with people but over think it and over analyze our social connection and freak out thinking that im too awkward or that the person is loosing interest in me and i just wish i was loved and liked, and i know gernerally i am but my head is like “hmm bitch i bet u would be happy is TONS of people knew you and liked you” i mean happy and content people dont have those thoughts or at least i dont think so, and honestly i wanna be happy with a simple life. Like i need to stop feeding off of other peoples validation but i cant stop craving it. I honestly and so self concious and have such bad self esteem. I want to be beautiful and skinny and funny and loved and famous and adored and all those thing i just dont have ugh i just gotta remmeber play ur cards play ur cards play ur cards. Like what even is relevency. the people i think are relevent are completely irrelevent to others. Like there are people i dont even know that are tons of peoples worlds.  SOcial media is a bitch, its impossible to even go on social media and not feel like shit about urself ya know like it just makes me overthink everything and makes me feel useless and nothing compared to all these hoes with clout. at this point noone is reading this cause noone got time for that shit so i could honestly say anthing like... TITTIES PUSSY FUCK SHIT PENIS .

[hellotvv]

5 Days

Damn, been hanging out with her 5 days straight.

Friday - woke up early at like 9 am to head over to her place, then we got ready to head to SF. Got to SF around 2 PM, tried boba guys for first time. I thought it was whatever lol. Idk the boba is chewy and good, but I think places like 7 Leaves/Almond Haus/other SoCal boba places are prob better. Afterwards, we watched The Flash together at her place and I got to put my arm around her during it haha. She played the piano for fun, since she hasn’t played in a while. Then, I think we got dinner at some place called Night Market, which is like chinese streetfood. They had a projector that shows kinda like streetfood stands and the streets idk. The food was pretty good actually~ Got a pork bun, skewers, and some chicken :) Then at night, we went to Armnhmr together. She brought along a friend named Jose, and he was pretty chill. We drank and pregamed in the car (she drove), and then went inside around 10ish. We danced for a bit, then went to the bar to order some drinks which were stupidly expensive... Like I’ve been to night clubs before with bars, but damn this one was insanely expensive. Michelle met some of her friends at the event too, while we were getting drinks. Then we went back inside and Lione was playing. He was pretty good actually! Was grinding on Michelle during the dance haha. There’s some other tiny details that went on during the event, but it’s whatever like weird white dude that got us free water. After the event, when we got back to Michelle’s car her back window broke :( it got broken into by some random person. At first, we didn’t think anything was stolen. It was kinda surprising tho, since I had my external battery there, her friend has some expensive vape, and etc. But nothing was taken?? We called the police and tried to file a report, but apparently they can’t do anything unless we have a suspect lol... In a bit, it turns out Jose’s backpack got stolen, but thankfully there wasn’t any money or anything in it. We called the police again, telling them something was stolen, and they said they might send someone. After waiting over an hour and a half in the cold, they never came. So Jose was like forget about it, let’s just go. So we ended up leaving and going back to Michelle’s place. I felt sooo fking bad for both Jose and Michelle... Like damn :( idk I hate it when bad things happen to ppl that I know. Afterwards, I uhh did not think it would be a good idea to ask if I could sleep in her bed with her LOL... 

Saturday - was a much better day! It was fun. Uhh woke up, etc etc. Michelle got her uncle to pick up her car. I think we went to the bank, so she could get money for the window to get fixed. Then we met up with her friend Chelsea? If I remember her name correctly. She was really nice. We shot for fun at some place with pretty stairs and a nice view. I didn’t get very good shots tho imo, since it was too sunny when I wanted it to not be sunny, but too dark (blue hour) by the time we got down :( oh well... Stopped by target afterwards so Michelle could buy like snacks to bring back to SB, got boba, and then dropped Chelsea off. Then we got dinner at some hot pot place I think called Tasty pot or idr completely. They have a location in San Diego, I know that. Not sure if in LA or SoCal tho. She said it’s better than boiling point, but I think I like boiling point a bit more haha. Afterwards, we kinda chilled at her place. We watched American Horror stories, I kinda put my arm around her and etc during it. I think we watched during the day actually and she played the guitar a bit, while we sang some old throwback songs. Uhh, but yeah, I remember looking through each other tumblrs a bit for fun to see what we reblogged at the start of tumblr days. Thankfully, she didn’t look too much at my tumblr, otherwise she’d see sad boi or too lovey dovey posts at certain points in time lolol. Idk, not trying to seem  soft here. But yeah, at night just went to sleep, she was up late tho cleaning and packing stuff.

Sunday - hmhm, we went to get breakfast at some yummy breakfast place. It’s like a crepe place, but they have other stuff and savory crepes. The area was really nice actually and had a bunch of good food places that I’d love to try :O We also took pictures around for fun. Then it was time to head back to her place, she packed up, and then we picked up 2 ride share ppl to go back to SB. One was cool, she apparently knew my friend Jessica! She also listens to a shit ton of hip hop and likes Logic like me. So I had a nice convo with her. Then afterwards, it got kinda silent, and I just talked to Michelle. Went on some uhh certain topics like making out and etc. We picked up Chloe somewhat towards the end of the ride, since we were passing by SLO and she was there! Did some Escape planning as well. Not too sure as of rn, if we’re 100% going together. But if we do the plan would be to go to escape together, she can stay at my place, pumpkin patch + oc adventure together, and I’d show her a bunch of cool food places that she’s never tried. After dropping me off, she sent me a text wondering if I had fun at SF and sorry that she couldn’t show me around more, since she was too stressed from her window being smashed. Then she asked to watch The Flash together on like Friday or something, but I’m unfortunately busy Friday :(( going home for weekend.

Monday - somewhat fun day. Bryan bailed on our dinner plans. So I invited Michelle to the dinner plans with Brent, Henry, Kristy, Jessica, and me at Lama Dog. It was fun, she met my friends Brent and Henry for the first time. She thinks they’re funny. I like to hype up my friends to each other before they meet, so I told Brent about Michelle before he met her, so he think she’s cool. Then they kinda got along when they did talk haha. We all got drinks at Lama Dog, except Michelle since she had to study later. But I shared with her some of my drink, which was kinda ehhh. Food was good tho~ Pork belly quesadilla was bomb!! Afterwards, we planned to play drinking games at my place, but had to drop off Michelle. After we got to my place, I snapped the drinks and etc, she’s liike tfti. I’m like lmao we invited u, come through. Then she ended up driving to my apartment and actually coming through + playing the drinking game while kinda studying haha. It was fun, the uh drinking card game let us know more about each other, she got to know more about my friends from it, and yee. There were a couple cards that kinda got some flirting going on. I put my arm around her and she was chill with it. She gave me the most likely to have sex in public card lol... I couldn’t deny that I have done so, and she was a curious girl on wheree and etc haha. Also I changed my name on her contacts to add a heart, and she changed her contacts to add emojis too to make it fair. I offered to drive her the next day, since she brought a diff car to SB and it doesn’t have her parking permit. So I ended up waking up early in the morning just for her, to pick her up, and drop her off at school/walk her to class. I mean, I had class at the same time, but I had to wake up extra early to quickly shower to not look super bad + change + pick her up and etc haha. But yeah, that was Tuesday morning. Afterwards, I don’t think anything else happened.

Wednesday - she canceled on our plans on Thursday rip, prob from frat stuff. Unfortunately, won’t be able to hang out with her for the rest of the week, since I’m going home. I wonder if she’ll miss me ;o Regardless, I’m gonna have a great time going home. Gonna go to an EP launch event in LA on Friday with Jenn, gonna drink with her too! Then gonna go to a photography event on Saturday that’ll have my ex-Kristy, Jenn + Cat, this photographer friend from SD, and maybe I’ll make new friends too at the meetup! I don’t think I’ll get very good pics from the meetup tho, since the location is too green lol... I hate green in photos. Then after the meetup, my cousin Khoa is turning 21. So I’ll be at his birthday party and hopefully it’ll be littyyy. :] Then on Sunday, maybe I’ll be able to hang out with my friend Erika. But fk, I have to get back to SB at a reasonable time, since I have a midterm for my math class on Monday lol... Anyways, those are my current weekend plans