#I just want to ask to ppl that doesn't care about the reason I went on hiatus to feel free to ignore this post

[modelsof-color]

I feel that I owe it to the people that sent sweet messages to me , showing their support and love and these people are the only ones I want to read it and more than that , to know that your kindness impacted me 💖

may the universe rewards you with inner peace, health and happiness

My dear Mother passed away on June 30th

I'm learning how to living again without the reason of my happiness

I will always miss her . I will always miss the woman I used to be when she was here in this planet.

I miss not having her here to feel proud of me, I hate that I can't see her being proud the person I'm right now after losing her

I miss her honest words telling me to do better , to be mature about my frustrations, I miss her voice telling me what I did wrong even if it used hurt my ego

I miss the woman who raised me despiste her own insecurities, flaws and fears , the woman who gave me the affection, not too much not too little, just enough .

enough to make me understand , now , that I am a butterfly, with my own colors , my freedom and with endless delicacy as final form

I miss the woman who told me I don’t need anyone to tell me how important I am, that if I know and believe it from the bottom of my heart, I will be able to remind myself about it everytime I go through a hard time

the woman who told me to NEVER blame anyone for not love me back because my self love is the only love I should be afraid of losing

I miss the woman who taught be it's okay to feel like the most vulnerable girl in the world for a little bit as a long as I stand up and keep fighting .

I will always love the woman with the most humanity ideas, artistic mind, and purest heart.

The personification of the quote " the meaning of life is to serve humanity "

My eternal gratitude goes to every single one of you , y'all through spontaneous and lovely messages show me that some people still care , I am back mostly because I need to feel this positive energy and empathy in my life again 💜

[slaaverin]

https://www.tumblr.com/slaaverin/778257953757282304/maybe-its-because-jungkook-downplays-his?source=share

Anon is not wrong to say that jungkook downplays their bond many times and isn't as clear about it as jimin is be it through his actions or his words.

When they asked about GCF, i don't mind jk saying jm wasn't main model but what he further said wasn't really needed like he said he filmed jimin because there wasn't much around to film like who says that? Is that HOW u expect ppl to see the love (not talking about romantic but just general love between friends)?? Then as anon mentioned when jm said jk used to go to his room for 3 times a day jk said it was because jm's room was closest like come on I'm sure other members weren't living on another floor that he can't walk few more steps and be in their room if he actually wants to?? So again is that HOW u expect one to show the love?? Is that the right wording to show u love this person? Same about the Military he said he also wanted to do special force and while jimin has mentioned multiple times that he's glad jk was with him, jk never once outright said it to anyone despite him writing letters like tell me is that HOW u show gratitude towards someone in front of public? Yes they don't need to do things for public but given they're celebraties and do a lot of things infront of public what's about showing gratitude so hard?

Jkkrs keep saying that jungkook is an introvert and don't know how to talk like that but ask him about namjooon and you'll hear him talk all big, in fact the most big praises jk has ever given are for namjooon. He talks very highly of namjooon in front of everyone so what's so difficult to do that about someone who's been there for u more than anyone else? No Jungkook is not someone who doesn't know how to talk like that, he is someone who choses when and for whom he wanna talk all those things about. Once armys in music show told joon how handsome he is and jk literally said that now armys will understand why joon was jk's crush and mind u this happened during their last CB so a 2 yrs ago. He talks very highly of hobi's dance and thinks hobi is the best dancer of BTS and don't say he says it because the grp has decided on it because i have very good example to give how he actually belives it that's why he says it. Jk has said taehyung is the most handsome man he's ever seen in his life now i ask YOU slaverin tell me the BIGGEST compliment jk has ever given to jm or has put jm above everyone else in something.

These are just few examples but most of the times when asked jk about anything regarding jm he acts like he's doing it for the sake of it heck he himself went ahead and said that jimin and him wouldn't even meet if it wasn't for the show now u tell me slaverin how does this wording will make a non-fan feel about their bond? U think they'll thin how much attached at the hips they are when jk is out there saying he wouldn't even meet if not for the show? His intentions were whatever but this doesn't come off as "attached at the hips" to ppl that are not jkkrs or armys who knows jikook.

The reason why jk's love is questioned like that and not jm's is because jimin is wayyy ahead in expressing his love for jk be it verbal or thr actions. Jkkrs keep saying jk's Actions are louder than words when u have jimin who's words and actions are Louder than jk's can ever be.

I'm already very pissed off tonight so sorry if this comes out a little harsh.

Don't you get it????

Why do you think JK attenuates the things he says versus his actions?

Why does he do all these things with JM, showing that HE OBVIOUSLY CARES, because otherwise why would he do those things? Why would he go into his room? Why would he enlist? Why would Jimin indeed be his GCF main model? Why would he choose him over and over again? Why AYS? Why would he lose on purpose at games with him when we know he loves to win? Why would he hype him up so much everytime he can?

Jesus you're taking such little details and making a full picture out of it that's crazy.

But indeed anon why would he do all of those things if he didn't care, he didn't love him? He simply wouldn't do them at all!

And yes your question, why is he not vocal in his words with him and I'll use you guys vocabulary "downplays" his words and his actions and repercussions?

Why is that so I wonder?

Why does he say openly he loves whatever member, but closes off when it comes to Jimin?

That's not because he is an introvert. No.

That's certainly not because he doesn't like him. Remember: all of his actions show that he does.

But why doesn't he say it outright? Why does he have no trouble saying he has a huge crush on Namjoon, but not Jimin?

I swear to you you need to use your brain.

BECAUSE WITH THE OTHER MEMBERS THERE ARE NO STAKES. IT MEANS NOTHING TO HIM.

He can say whatever he wants about any of them and it holds NO EMOTIONAL WEIGHT except playful friendship.

Are you still wondering why he doesn't spell it out with Jimin? Jesus I feel like I'm doing psychology 101. I have a headache.

Why does Jimin fluster him? Why does he play it cool "No big deal" "No really I was just there".

Why did they never define their relationship?

Because, differently of the relationship with the other members, what Jimin and Jungkook have is more.

Don't you get it???

The VERY FACT JK downplays it, creating a decorrelation between his words and his VERY LOUD ACTION,

It is precisely WHAT IS THE HUGE GIVEAWAY.

Because if he says he loves Jimin it's not the same than with other members.

It's not playful. It's not casual. It's not innocent. It's not meaningless.

It holds a weight bigger and very fucking much more dangerous for JK.

Because JK loves him, he does, but in another way than the other members.

You want me to spell it out? It's romantic. There you have it. JK has very big, profound romantic feelings for JM.

It's time people open their eyes for fuck's sake.

And everytime JK talks about him or of their bond, he gets self-aware, because it holds weight, it has more meaning than saying I love you to Namjoon.

So he's trying to protect himself and them from prying eyes because obviously he doesn't actually want people to pick up on that. But he thinks that if he is actually vocal people will see it.

(I mean he doesn't have to say it and we already see it but whatever can reassure him I guess)

JK was the only member to dedicate lives for Jimin. JK has pointed at his heart then at Jimin several times. JK has put him first in looks. JK had said he would date him. JK said he was the member he feels the most connected to. JK has BEGGED HIM to come on live with him. JK thinks Jimin is prettier than clouds and calls him pretty constantly.

JK said they wouldn't meet if it wasn't for the show because JK was in a middle of a busy schedule. OBVIOUSLY THEY MET. This was only a particular time with a particular context of them both being very busy in a row. And then JK said "You're here, finally" expressing his sense of relief that he could see Jimin because he obviously missed him.

I swear to all the gods people are seeing only what they want to see.

During memories, aren't they always attached at the hips? In the background, doing whatever the fuck these two do? Like doing insane flirting and basically couple stuff?

Did you watch content these last few years?

Oh but I forgot how people come to conclusions but always fail to notice jikook doing the most wild things because they don't even pay attention.

So yes, JK isn't always VOCAL (to me he has been more than enough but you do you) he doesn't spell it out with words how much he loves Jimin but what do you expect someone like him, deeply in love, would do?

This guy can turn into a flustered mess by the mere presence of Jimin so do you expect him to say he loves him, and be normal about it???? Don't you think we wouldn't immediately know??

It's precisely because his feelings aren't normal or friendly or casual that he doesn't say it. He can't. He won't.

Because it's private and not for everyone. Because they show already SO MUCH that telling us his true feelings for Jimin would reveal such a big part of his heart that he feels vulnerable, so he closes himself off.

Can you actually blame him?

I'm seriously doubting the ability of people who want things spelled out for them to read people. Do you know how the heart works? Do you know love? I'm really questioning because the fact I had to explain all of this to you is mind-boggling to me.

JK is in love with Jimin, has been for years. And the poor guy is only trying to keep the last remnant of privacy he has.

Instead of questioning him and his love question yourself why you don't see an expression of love right when it's front of you.

Because after a while this blindless feels purposeful to me. Or maybe these people are very young, idk.

Oh, and the biggest compliment JK has given JM is that he is his fan, and that JM will always be number 1 for him. But I would put "prettier than clouds" up there because this was quite romantic indeed. Oh and the whole speech about JM having a nice personality, having beautiful eyes and you know, actually dating him is pretty high on the list.

Finishing up with this

Is he in love? Yes. Ok moving on.

Has he done 38373738 actions that proves it? Yes.

Does he have to tell us he has deep romantic feelings for JM? NO. It is self-evident for fuck's sake.

Is he allowed to be shy and protective of his own feelings and his view on his own relationship with him? Absolutely yes because he owes us nothing.

Because that's his and theirs and not for anyone else.

Does it mean he loves Jimin less? No, quite the contrary. He's head over heels for him. That's why he will not say it like a schoolgirl with a crush. "No I'm so cool it's nothing I certainly have not been in love with him for 10 years I have an alibi your honor I spent 4 hours in his room because he was just there you understand that wasn't even me in fact I don't exist leave me alone"

Is this more clear anon?

I swear to god I'm tired of the BS today

[afsosville]

Time to over-analyze things with limited canonical information just because. Here are some of the reasons why Qing Jing may have been a hindrance to Shen Jiu's emotional development and solidified his corruption arc>>

Qing Jing was like the perfect peak to let all his mental wounds fester if you think about it.

Shen Jiu acting like nobility or an educated young master (as most disciples of Qing Jing are) is purely a coping mechanism. It literally screams masking! While the exact circumstances of how he got chosen for Qing Jing is unknown, we can assume he didn't have a choice since most disciples typically just follow their new master to wherever they take them from the selection grounds (with the exception of Bai Zhan lol). He was most likely hoisted onto the Qing Jing peak lord, as no master would've wanted him because of his fucked up meridians and late age. They acquiesced to take him anyway coz of Yue Qingyuan's/the sect leader's insistance. And because it's Shen Jiu, he would naturally do whatever it took to get to the top, and if he started acting like the very sort of people he hates, then so be it.

You can imagine how disastrous imitating his abusers is going to be (he's imitating noblemen in general, but he's definitely taking the Qiu's as a primary example). Shen Jiu clearly is trying to remove and forget everything about his past, and even accepts the rumours of him being a spoiled young master to cast away suspicion. He is coping hard. Not to mention, he was named QingQIU when he became Qing Jing's succeeding disciple. Listen I don't care if it was a bad coincidence or not but that doesn't endear me to Shen Jiu's shizun in the slightest (I'm only talking abt SJ's shizun in canon, not fics, the fics are great. But it's more than likely that SJ's shizun was negligent or abusive as well. Here's why I think that). Between all of this, there's no way he's processing any of that trauma when he's constantly forced to remember all of it. No wonder he slipped into the abuser role easily since he's literally out here actually being made to copy their behavior.

Qing Jing and even the rest of Cang Qiong were always hostile to Shen Jiu, even in his discipleship. These ppl went out of their way to run interventions on Shen Jiu when he's minding his own business. Yes I'm talking abt the whole brothel thing. There were doubtlessly so many disciples who went for the very reasons Shen Jiu was assumed of going for, so why is he the only one getting shit for it? Not only was going to brothels not even a crime worthy of conviction, it was even normalized to an extent. And it would've been so easy to figure out if he really was going for anything "lecherous" by just asking the women there. The fact that, that whole ordeal was never cleared up just shows they didn't actually care about the women or what he was supposedly doing to them. They only cared because it was Shen Jiu who was involved.

Shen Jiu being on any other peak would change things for sure even if it's marginally. Its probably just wistful thinking, but I know at least half of those peaks, even the fanon ones, would be better than Qing Jing at any rate. Again, Shen Jiu would claw his way up and try to succeed any way he can, so if he were put on another peak that would be a somewhat healthy environment for him, he would do well, regardless of the peak. Him doing well on Qing Jing doesn't mean anything other than showing off his awesome(horrible and problematic) coping skills. So really, I can't help but think Qing Jing wasn't a good fit for him, especially with Shen Jiu's specific brand of trauma.

I did a pole once asking if Shen Jiu would've done better on another peak, or if they were just curious to see him anywhere else, and I'm not surprised that the most voted for peak was Yin Hui, the fanon peak for espionage and assassins. Now I'm going to go another tangent why Yin Hui would be good for him later.

[nikist-4-n]

ANNOUNCEMENT PART 4

Dodo bullied my friend, if anyone read my announcement y'all would understand what I'm saying and she had the nerve to call me a bully for some reason

Dodo I never bullied u I was speaking out my frustrations because u go on discord to speak about me and call me names which is really low of you. You NEVER reached out to me after we exposed me u just went on my anon to defend urself to the point I had to deactivate it. And @y-urios literally sent me ur acc so I went to check it out out of curiosity and I happen to see @kissunoo

And Esha @kissunoo I'm so disappointed but I don't care what u do u can be friends with her just cuz we had a bad experience doesn't mean u can't speak to her I'm not ur mom or some leader just don't speak to me unless if u do tho. And that goes for everyone befriending dodo, she hurt my friend and me now that's why I dislike her so much it's nothing against u I just don't want to associate with people who speak to her

and to the people calling me immature just remember :

1 I'm not immature I've been calm up until she lied about me chasing her that's when I completely lost it I'm just expressing my feelings how am I immature. I really wanted to but I realised I don't always have to be the bigger person seeing that y'all let dodo talk trash about me and Saraah not even tagging me in her expose post about ME so I'm only defending myself after my sister sent it to me

2 dodo is the same age as me and chei is younger than dodo and she bullied chei over family problems ( I think that's what she said) that she could've easily logged off for some time ( I've had family problems around the same time that left me traumatized but I never took my anger out on ppl ) , we're not holding her on a leash it was her decision to take her anger out chei she doesn't deserve an explanation from her side I asked her multiple times to explain and she left me on read

And I'm not holding people accountable it's ur decision to speak to her it's just that y'all 'dislike' her and now ur on her side? I'm so done. But from Saraahs post I can see most of y'all just run with every little thing instead of asking me personally so don't be surprised that I'm unfollowing y'all in genuinely hurt

And again I'm apologising to the ppl who got involved I didn't mean to but they both ( @swhore and Dodo ) blocked me so I had no other choice but to speak on the group chat and also I'm apologising if I came off as rude yesterday to y'all I'm just so done cuz my name is getting dragged now even tho I was rightfully upset about everything. I'm human and I have feelings that's why I acted the way I did on discord

( I hope I worded myself right )

And about the slur thing I'm going to actually explain myself since Saraah is lying and showing stuff she only wants to show

[joyfulhottubfuntik]

Here's more of me rambling about how Ford's often characterized in the fandom for those who are interested in such things.

A big thing that I've noticed about how a lot of people perceive him, is they think of him as somewhat of an emotionless and rational genius, who, for a lot of his life, doesn't appreciate human connections and thus hurts all of the people who get close to him. Then he reunites with his family and comes around, because of course he does, he's a character from a disney kids' show.

And I get why that is. After all, he does talk a lot about being held back by his family, and he's also a loner who went 10 years without reaching out to his poor struggling twin brother and only did so to ask for help.

And, I mean, a cold-minded scientist who initially doesn't care about other people but learns how to is a fun character concept, I have to admit. It's not what Ford's like though.

I'd say that that's how Ford sees himself, who he wants to be. But he fails at it miserably.

If you ask me, all of Ford's words and actions that make some fans form such assumptions about him, actually go to show how much he cares and has always cared. Because, if anything, the sole reason for his "oh, I'm the smartest coolest person ever and Stan was just holding me back" was that he was trying to hide how hurt he was.

Not getting into his dream college was not the most deviating thing to happen to him the night of the science fair incident. In fact, he did accept the possibility of getting rejected, quite calmly at that. The thing that really hurt was that (the way it appeared) Stan did it to him, selfishly went behind his back, didn't care about Ford and his dreams. And what is a teenager who has just lost his best and only friend like this supposed to do? Of course he tried to find a bright side to this, of course he goes "well, I didn't need him anyway" and then pushes himself further and further to get the most out of the situation, to prove everyone wrong.

And Ford's friendship with mcgucket was in a way him looking for that other person, longing for his brother and the dynamic they had. But, as someone who's already had his best friend betray him once, he starts to panic the moment he notices (what he thinks are) warning signs. And that's not mentioning the way his abuser is there the whole time, trying to manipulate him into feeling suspicious.

And, as for that abuser, it is no coincidence that Bill uses Ford's childhood nickname for him. Even after years of anger and emotional pain, it was still something that Ford viewes in a positive light, at least subconsciously.

And okay, I'm not usually as serious about ppl mischaracterizing my favorite characters, just because I don't tend to care that much. But for Ford it's different, because the fandom doesn't just get a few things wrong about him, they make him into pretty much an opposite to his canon self. Because I feel that's what portraying him as cold and uncaring does: it rids him of the very core of his character, the thing that dictates most of his actions.

[the-mpreg-guy]

sometimes i worry i'm being a misogynist when i get angry at mary about some of her actions during season 12 (i dont hate her i just think shes very complex and i am biased bc of my own hang ups with my family) and its like. god i kind of wish there was an easy answer to who is right during season 12 bc sometimes people want dean to be fully wrong or mary to be fully wrong and i just dont think either is completely wrong or right.

For the record, I don't think you're a misogynist for having a bias you're fully aware of and not making other ppls problem. Mary Winchester is a complicated character for me, because on the one hand I do think she's a very complex human and that bringing her back on the show opened new doors for interesting relationship dynamics and plotlines, but on the other hand I was cursed with incredibly messed up Mommy issues that just make her unenjoyable for me personally.

I think a lot of cognitive dissonance that people (me) experience regarding Mary's insertion in the late seasons of Supernatural have to do with how the narrative seemingly punishes Dean for wanting incredibly valid things. He wants another adult to shoulder the burden, he wants a parent around who isn't going to neglect his emotional needs or put protecting Sammy solely to him. Mary diminishes these wants, basically chalking his desires down to him wanting a mother who "cuts the crusts off his sandwiches" and like. Man, that's not what he was asking for. He just wants her there.

And we're all incredibly attached to Dean at this point (we're at 12 seasons and counting after all), so we look at the narrative (and other characters) punishing Dean for these very valid, realistic wants, and are like. Wow, Mary Winchester sucks.

And honestly that's a fair assessment of the situation. She's not being a great mom, she's not being fair to either of her kids, and she is reducing incredibly normal wants down to shallow, ridiculous things that no adult should be demanding of their mother.

But the thing is it's never that simple or black and white.

Mary is so fucking incredibly valid for needing space in season 12. She just came back from the dead, her husband is dead, her kids are in their late 30s/early 40s, the entire world is fucked, and she doesn't have a relationship with these two men who were her babies literally like. An hour ago to her. That's INSANE. That's a situation that there is literally no precedent for. She can't fall back on her husband or literally anyone she knew for support her because they're all dead.

It would be like if it had been 40yrs topside when Dean came back from hell and he found out that his entire family was dead and also he had a kid who is now technically older than him and wants to have a relationship with him. Just to put things into perspective. And we wouldn't blame Dean for needing time and space to process that.

Dean and Mary are both valid. Their feelings and reactions to the situation are valid. But unfortunately being valid doesn't mean you're being fair. Neither of them are fully correct for having expectations of each other, but neither of them are exactly wrong either.

The real villain in the situation is Amara, who didn't bring Mary back because Mary deserved another shot, who didn't bring Mary back because Mary wanted to come back, who didn't bring Mary back because Sam never got to know her as a mom, but brought her back because she assumed there was something wrong specifically in how Dean loved her post-death.

Mary was selfishly brought back on the whim of a god-like being who didn't care that it would bring greater pain to Mary and Dean. She didn't like the way that narrative went, so she, like so many other people in Mary and Dean's life, decided to interfere.

I suspect that the reasons that you and I don't enjoy Mary's inclusion in later seasons is that a) fandom at large blames either Mary or Dean entirely for their conflict and makes out that one of them is a bad person (primarily Dean, which is unfair for a multitude of reasons), b) people act like Amara was correct for her reasoning in bringing Mary back and c) the narrative ultimately punishes both of them by killing Mary again. It's just not fun to watch, not even in a "my faves are suffering" kinda way. We dislike Mary because the Mary plotline is unfair, and we've grown up with a lot of unfairness.

[fordtato]

I just finished watching your Ford video, I loved it ! I usually don't take so long to watch videos like that but uni has been kicking my ass and I wanted to make sure I could really listen to what you were saying instead of just putting it on in the background. I went in a little apprehensive because of the "NPD?" in the thumbnail, and was mentally preparing myself for some weapons-grade oof-dom, but I think you handled it well. (1/4)

Personally, as someone who has BPD and is close to many ppw/NPD, I think Ford is good NPD representation. His reliance on outside validation, ego compensating for massive insecurity, massively idolizing those he looks up to and that idolization vanishing in an *instant* when they don't match his beliefs about them (this can be an NPD thing!), fantasies of fame and fortune, identity disturbance (defining himself as one thing and one thing only), (2/?)

all that coupled with his history of a rocky relationship with self-definition and conditional praise from authority figures screams NPD to me. This isn't all in the DSM, but it's def part of living with NPD. And I think it's a good thing! Like you mentioned, the fact he has these traits and still gets a happy ending is wonderful. To me, such an NPD-coded character still being shown to love his family, to do what's right, to make amends, shows that these disorders don't make us monsters. (3/?)

The fact that his NPD traits have a clear origin shows how so often cluster B personality disorders are born of fear, trauma, and regrets (not always, but a lot of the time). People think cluster Bs are just born "evil," so the fact we can essentially see the evolution of Ford's traumagenic NPD is something I rather like. (4/?)

You don't have to agree with the headcanon. I just wanted to share something from the perspective of someone with a cluster B disorder who also knows many ppw/NPD, since in the video you mentioned a lack of those voices. It's not just egotypicals making these headcanons, we like them too ! (5/5, sorry abt all the asks!)

----------------

Thanks for weighing in! No problem about all the asks, it's an interesting read (and sorry about the late response!)

I will say that (also speaking as someone with BPD), I still don't quite think the headcanon is one of mine, but I am glad that other ppl with cluster B disorders resonate with it (though, of course, I do know that there are a couple of ppl with NPD that I know who dislike the way the headcanon is discussed or who disagree with it - yada yada no community is a monolith and all that).

That part of my video was very difficult to write, but I am glad that I did alright with the subject matter.

To reiterate for people who might not have seen the video, my issue with the NPD headcanon is not so much the headcanon itself and whether or not it applies to Ford, but the ways that some people discuss how and if it applies. There are so many posts and comments by people (who may or may not have cluster B disorders - no way to know), saying things like "Ford doesn't care about others and acts selfishly and only uses others as tools - I headcanon him as having NPD and lacking empathy for this reason" and it veers into ableism really quickly. In the video, I compare it to 2015-era headcanons that Ford would be abusive to Dipper and Mabel because he is "paranoid" and thinks they're working with Bill, a headcanon that also veers into considering those with mental illness as being inherently dangerous. I think headcanoning Ford as having any mental illness or condition is fine, but people need to be careful in the ways they talk about it, because (in the context of the Stan Wars we saw in 2015-16), it can quickly veer into the territory of leveraging the symptoms of mental illness to win fandom wars or to characterize our blorbos, and we often don't consider where that leaves REAL people with these conditions.

I explain this all better in the video then I am here, in an off-the-cuff response to an ask, but hopefully that summarizes my feelings clearly.

[braxlrose]

I miss ur writings sm :(

I am so sorry that I've been gone for so long, I haven't posted any fan fiction in so many months and honestly I lost motivation 😭 so many ppl who were in this fandom and I created a community with, were slowly getting over this "phase" and it definitely affected me. But I'm going to try and get back into writing. I hope this will do good for now! Ive had a lot of ppl recently ask for 2005 bill hcs, and I've done that before so if this is repetitive for something else I've written, sorry!

content warnings: none

a/n: I'll be updating my tag list since it hasn't been updated since like August of last year and I don't want to be tagging people who don't care or want to see these posts anymore. So if you wanna be tagged, let me know!

2005!bill kaulitz x f!reader

sfw:

- I'm an alternative person so whenever I write for bill, I always imagine him with an alternative girl 😞 even though from what I've seen he's never really been w/ an alternative one, BUT LETS PRETEND OKAY 🙏🙏

• he absolutely loves doing hair together, I think he enjoys helping you do your hair in the morning and your make up. And he's even more greatful if you do his makeup. Then he can just relax while you help him.

• pookie has crunchy ass hair at the end of the day when he has to wash it out, don't make fun of him 😞

• getting piercings together is something he LOVES doing with you. Mainly early piercings because he only has a tongue and eyebrow piercing on his face.

• if you made music too, he would always go to your concerts and basically scream the entire time. Hopefully, you'd do the same for him.

• if you have longer nails, head scratches are always a must and he will lay in your lap for literal hours while you pamper him.

- I personally think he would love to learn words in your language if you keep something different than German. And despite what anybody thinks, he finds it hilarious to learn the dirty words.

• if you cook him something from your culture, he will literally die. He basically thinks everything about you is so cool, and learning about a culture different from his is so exciting

• but if you two really want to date, you'll have to both try to learn English or each other language because there is going to be a hard language barrier between you two.

- I think one of the reasons he would've fallen in love with you is because you were upfront with him. He's not the type of guy to just go up and kiss someone so if you confess first, that would make things so much easier.

- obviously, you'd have to get along with Tom, Georg and Gustav. So if you don't, there's no way he'll go out with you, especially if you can't get along or hate Tom.

-Dates together consist of stuff you guys bought somewhere, or if you guys went to a fastfood restaurant.

• He doesn't have a lot of money yet so dates wouldn't exactly be high class, hopefully you don't mind 😉

-Since this is around the time Tokio Hotel is getting increasingly famous, there are fangirls around trying to flirt and ask out bill all the time and he has to shoo them off. He reminds you every night about how much he loves you and that those fan girls shouldn't bother you.

-he likes to spoon you a lot, and you two switch back n forth between him being the big spoon and the small spoon.

• I think he also really likes it when you lay on top of him, with your face in his neck and your legs wrapped around him. (This also works sitting upwards).

• cuddling with him is so nice too because he actually smells really good 😱

- I think he still gets very insecure sometimes because of the haters and people who harass the band because they don't like them and you reassure him a lot.

a/n pt 2: sorry this wasn't too long! I'm trying to get back into the groove of writing so if this is terrible I'm sorry 😞

taglist: none right now

[likeadeuce]

for the backstory ask: all of your lily donaldson lore?

Art and Tashi (really, Tashi + Art) made a general master plan when they got married, for him to play until roughly 35 and then have 2 kids pretty close together so they wouldn't be trying to raise kids in a world of constant travel. Instead, Tashi has an unplanned pregnancy just as Art's career is peaking and surprises Art a bit by immediately stating she wants to keep the baby...he thought all her reasons for waiting were good reasons, but Tashi's had some thinks and (1) has gotten worried about fertility as she gets older due to family history and experiences of some women she knows (the practical reason that she tells him) (2) deep down the glamorous Eloise-style fantasy of a kiddo traveling the world and experiencing this lifestyle that Tashi can't admit to herself how much she enjoys (the emotional reason that she can't admit to anyone) and it's not that Art doesn't WANT a child at this point in his life it's that when I told Tashi that of course it was her body and her choice, he wasn't actually prepared for the choice she made because it was very much not the life plan he thought they made. He doesn't express any of this to Tashi but she guesses more or less correctly.

Lily's given name is Lily Anne Duncan Donaldson, for Art's grandmother Lillian + Tashi's mother Annette, which was Tashi's suggestion but Art likes it.

Annette was an elementary ed teacher who was working as a school administrator until Lily was born + then she took early retirement to travel with the family and, while they have some nannies and tutors who come and go (the teenage babysitter in Qualifying is a student who went through through the Donaldson Foundation tennis camps and is getting paid to fill in gaps in the schedule + also has her lodging and various events paid for so she can experience the US Open) Annette is primarily in charge of Lily's care and education. Her sixth birthday is going to be in November and the plan is for her to stay with them on the road through NEXT summer/ her kindergarten year but then start first grade where she can stay with the Duncans and go to school with other kids her own age (Annette + Tashi do a lot of work to get her social time with other kids whose parents travel but they don't think it's going to be enough as she grows up + Tashi has this plan figured out but Art -- despite being the demonstrably less involved parent + also not having talked to ANYONE about this -- does not like the idea of regularly being away from his kid for months at a time, which is part of what is dragging him toward retirement). Art's time with Lily is a lot if 'taking her to the zoo' (does not have to literally be the zoo) which is code for 'I need to get away from all thd ppl who run my life and nobody can get mad about it because I'm being a Good Dad.' In fairness to him, he and Lily legitimately have a good time one on one, and Art may actually a bit better at 'empathy for lonely kids and respect for their personhood' (there's a bit of this in 'close your eyes') he just isn't going to exercise it when there's someone else there second guessing him.

About Lily herself, I think she's a pretty confident kid who's used to being the center of attention but also has a little too much of the precocious child who puts on a big personality for adults because she's mostly around adults. She has been known to declare tennis boring and stupid, and both parents are a bit scared of pushing her into a Sports childhood, but she likes gymnastics and dancing and Tashi can't help pointing out thst she's obviously naturally athletic which she is ready to leap on whenever LILY says it's HER idea. Also, as Patrick observes in 'Qualifying, ' she's actually a bit besotted by the idea of Mommy and Daddy playing together.

Thanks for this one!

Still taking asks in the inbox

[tbhimnoteasyonmyself]

15 Day BL Challenge - DAY 14

Heyooo~~~ This was supposed to come out yesterday but I was busy, so... Sorry djsdksjdsk

Top 5 Saddest Boys

Let's do this bottom to top, shall we?

Number 5: Pete (Kinnporsche)

He barely cries, it's true, but to assume this man is fine is to ignore his entire history... I mean, he seems to cope relatively well, but what can really be inferred about a man who doesn't even think he's human? Kinda fucked up, kinda really damn depressing, kinda gonna throw myself off a bridge.

Number 4: Gaipa (Moonlight Chicken)

This list would be meaningless if he wasn't here. I mean... Imagine:

Your father died not long ago, your beloved dilf doesn't want you back and has a boytoy now, your mom just fucking died.

Number 3: Ray (Only Friends)

You thought it was gonna be Sand, right? Or Nick? SIKE!

Ray lost his mom, thinks his dad doesn't like him, thinks his friends hate him, is an alcoholic, was in love with a guy that didn't like him back for YEARS, nearly lost the only guy that maybe could help him be better bc he's overemotional and easily aggressive... Cried like a fucking baby to his therapist about all of this...

That's rough, buddy.

Number 2: Joke (Jack&Joker)

They made War cry every single episode. If you tell me Joke wasn't FUCKING SAD the entirety of this series, idk what to tell you.

His father hated him, he couldn't pass his exams, he was a wanted criminal, he cheated an innocent kid, he went to jail for 5 whole years, the kid hated him, he gets beat up constantly, everyone around him is trynna use his skills to get somewhere, his actions keep having terrible consequences, people are trying to murder his grandma, his adoptive daughter nearly died, his boyfriend broke up with him, ppl tried to play the SAW films games with him... Like... OOf, give this man a break, will ya?? He's tired! Damn!!

No wonder he's always desperate and crying, I'd be too!! Shit!!

Number 1: Non (DFF)

I don't even have words... Like, I wish I could start somewhere about how much this boy suffered but... I really fucking can't. So allow me to quote my past self listing everything he went through (with a few additions):

Poverty

Isolation

MENTAL ILLNESS(ES?)

Severe Bullying

Guilt-Tripping

Intellectual Property Theft

Being Framed for Mistakes He Didn't Commit

Rich Assholes Asking for Money

A Money Laundry Pyramid Scheme

Owning Money to THE FUCKING MAFIA

Multiple Threats to His Life

Police Interrogations

2 suicide attempts (AT LEAST)

Falling from a Motorcycle

LITERAL Textbook Grooming

Twitter Revenge Porn

A Terrible Break-Up

A Kidnap

FORCED LABOUR

Physical Assault

Overwork

(Probably) Forced Substance Abuse

Negligence

DEATH BY EXHAUSTION

I literally cannot think of anyone that can compete with this boy, like he went through what JESUS never did. He deserved to see all those ppl die.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS: Kenta (PitBabe); Vegas, Big & Porchay (Kinnporsche); Alan (Moonlight Chicken) & Nick & Sand (Only Friends)

Tony threw that matcha onto Kenta's face and made him cry for thinking the man who raised him loved him as a child. Plus his teenage crush left him behind and went and fell in love with a rapist. Man just had to be mentioned.

Vegas' mom died god knows how, he was raised by an abusive dad who gave him extreme self-esteem issues and a masochist kink as coping mechanism and then the guy was killed in a coup you guys DIDN'T EVEN WIN and now he's forced to obey the people he hates the most in life, he's got no power and no parents, a brother to take care of and the compensation is a bf with as much mental illness and trust issues as him. Congratulations.

Big didn't cry but living your entire life to serve a man who didn't give a shit about you only to die protecting the boytoy he suddenly promoted to husband gotta hurt as hell, dude.

What would you do if there was a child right in front of you? Apparently, to every single adult in Chay's life, the answer was "lie to him", for some fucking reason. His uncle lied, his brother lied, his ex-bf lied, his ex-bf's dad lied, everyone is a liar (and a thief) and Chay's trust issues might just be worse than VegasPete's, not even joking.

Alan... Ah, Alan... I feel like not having any character played by First in this post would be a dishonour to his name, right? sdkjskdjskdjs Man cries so much... And Alan is the epitome of this, I feel like. Not saying I like most things he did during the series but I get him, I mean... It was a long ass breakup and it seemed like it came kinda out of the blue. I'd be fucking miserable too.

Nick kinda did it to himself, I mean, you don't see a player and think you can wife that, but hey... We all make mistakes and ig that mixtape can be worth some good money if he sells it to Atom, so... ✨Silver linings✨!

I feel like Sand... He's just like Nick, he put himself in that situation sort of. Hence not making the top 5. Nevertheless, he did cry and cry and be sad, so... Shoutout to him, my precious little terrible singer <3.

[bijoumikhawal]

Hypothetical Julian mobility disability post canon Cardassia fic thoughts

- Julian went to a remote part of Cardassia w/o telling Garak because he wanted to help and wanted to get to know Cardassia w/o Garak (seeing if he could promise Garak a long term commitment, cuz he knew Garak is very unlikely to leave Cardassia again)

-Maybe specifically Valley of the Hebitians? Rift valley + high incidence of ethnic minorities probably makes it an underserved area (and gives an opportunity to flex worldbuilding)

- started out working in a nearby major city but ended up quitting his commission for multiple reasons, one being they didn't want to allocate resources to a more rural area. Already knew a few people from the place he set up a clinic at after quitting. Went out if his way to limit his paper trail because he realized someone was fucking around with him and suspected it was S31

- formed a rapport with some locals (especially other medical staff, parents, and children) after initial suspicion but others stayed super suspicious of him, occasionally got threats

- kept his head low, but one if the suspicious bastards flapped his lips to the wrong person (given this used to be a highly policed area, knew what he was doing and considered potential consequences worth it?) and S31 made an attempt

- other clinic workers intervene because thats THEIR julian and immediately rush him to nearby city for medical care. One of them decides the best course of action is to make it a big mess (new freedom of press + intelligence orgs usually hate attention) and yells about it on the net. Becomes huge news, Garak immediately is like "what the fuck" and hops on whatever transit he can to cross the continent

- Julian comatose. Next of kin list authorizes Garak to care for him (+ the O'Briens, Dax, Kira). Several months in hospital, doesn't wake up. Others visit. Even a mystical Sisko visit (confusing, spent enough tike with Prophets that he kinda talks like them). Garak uses pull with Rom (as new Grand Nagus) to consult some telepaths. They say he probably won't wake up. Hebitians don't really have a method that can do divination or complex medical assessment for coma patients. Garak tries to use the Nexus but it us inconclusive and frustrating. Refuses to give up

-ppl agree to leave Julian with Garak for now because the Federation is too dangerous. They don't know exactly what happened by Miles is firm on this based on what the clinic staff witnessed

-this is a bit of an Incident too because it sows distrust in more left/liberal Cardassian factions- they were cautiously accepting of Federation presence based on reputation, but if the Federation has a black ops agency like the rumors say, that changes things

- undecided: kind of want Garak to have to sacrifice something major? Maybe Pythas is still pushed to trying to kill him before this (like in the calling) and he was laying low. Potentially he arranges a meeting with Pythas and asks to be left alone and given assistance in caring for Julian in exchange for stepping away from any politics and being declared legally dead (not quite a witness protection thing).

-I do also like Garak still living in the ruins of Tain's estate where Mila is buried after converting the basement into a traditional Hebitian tomb like some sort of wraith

-in either case Garak ends up building or renovating a home with the limited resources he has (a lot of his own blood sweat and tears and having to just figure out which local mud will bake into a decent building material), to specifications ensuring Julian is well cared for when he wakes up (refuses to say "if"). Consults with Miles perhaps?

-Garak not doing government work... maybe a lot of odd jobs, pulling favors for others as part of repaying all the favors he's pulling to get shit done for his personal life?

-Julian lowkey dislikes Parmak because he was involved in Garak’s implant and Tain loved talking about how Parmak got his hands dirty as a consequence of being his personal physician. + some irrational resentment about feeling like he's been replaced and about how Parmak's reaction to his trauma doeant seem as messy as Julian's

-Julian ends up with a mild gender dysphoria about using mobility aids ("I don't have a gender, I have a wheelchair") on top of other issues about his ability to be useful

-relearning dexterity and mobility, garak prioritizes Julian learning how to shoot and aim a phaser well again asap

-Hebitians having a secret message network as a hold over from the Union? Like if minority churches did subterfuge by going "ah yes, thinking about Matthew 3:4 recently" as code

[yukishirostar]

Because of what's happened with Zoro's character the past few chapters in relation to him being called a 'burden', I wanted to discuss Zoro's character in relation to his position and sense of worth as a person and why this is particularly painful to see for me as a Zoro fan.

We all know this was a significant moment for Zoro's character. In particular because it marks how he went from a character who was singularly focused on wanting the become the strongest swordsman to someone willing to give up his own life and dream for his crew.

With a gentle smile and tone after everything he went through, Zoro tells Brook 'the crew is a handful'. It wasn't something he asked for, but this is now his family and one he is responsible for protecting even if it means giving up everything he's worked for in his life so far.

But despite being successful in protecting his Captain and his crew and surviving, Zoro has fears and insecurities after Thriller Bark. From his perspective, they had been lucky that Kuma accepted his terms and he was lucky he survived. But either of those things could have gone another way and Zoro is well aware of that fact. Zoro is someone who puts his value as a person into his strength, and if he doesn't have that then he isn't worth anything. To him, because of his weakness, his crew were in danger and he would have failed his life dream just like that.

Not too far after during Saobody, Zoro is yet again in a helpless situation. Zoro is too injured to run and the other members are trying to protect him. Zoro wishes to sacrifice himself (again) to hold them off so the others can escape, even if it means his own death. He sees himself as being useless in the moment and weighing his crew down.

Zoro begs Mihawk to train him, and as Mihawk recognises, he gives up his own pride by bowing before him. While some including Zoro himself might argue that Zoro's sacrifices so far are because of his ambition and he can't be the strongest if he can't even protect his own captain and crew, I think Mihawk's monologue proves its not just about that and its because well Zoro genuinely cares about his crew on an emotional level. (that should be obvious but some ppl really treat zoro as if he's an emotionless solider so i just wanted to point it out...)

Zoro even goes so far to sacrifice himself for people other than his crew, though you could argue its because Luffy was there, I think its just in Zoro's nature to protect others through sacrifice. While I think it shows resolve and a will to protect, I also think it shows how little Zoro values his own life sometimes when he's so quick to give himself up. We also see this later with how quick he was to take the drug so that he could fight King despite the consequences of doing so.

These reasons is why not just an enemy but a STRAWHAT calling Zoro a burden to his crew is really hitting a sore spot for Zoro. Zoro doesn't get easily affected by anything but having his will to do anything to protect and help his crew being questioned is in my opinion one of the worst things to do to him. Zoro always gives up his everything for his crew, including his own life and dream.

I just hope his crew and others would tell Zoro how valued he is and how he doesn't need to sacrifice himself all the time to be valued as a person.

[preeningpisces]

Non-curse AU! Choso is a big ol' nerd

A/N: As a big ol' nerd myself I feel passionately about this, so I have way too many thoughts repost bc it wasn't showing in the tag for some reason

Below the cut because I'm a yapper!

♠ Definitely the type to meet his S/O through discord because I think non-curse Choso is much shyer than regular Choso

❥ He wouldn’t be an admin. He’d be the quiet type that’s always there reacting to posts but rarely talks. Has the sickest emotes tho

❥ Prefers smaller discord communities, mostly video game servers

❥ I think he'd like the vaporwave aesthetic and all the RBG setups. Keeps his computer area neat and tidy

❥ Choso fucking loves video games. He'll buy those $300 special edition pre-orders and get the cool figures

❥ HUGE Soulsborne fan. His favorite is Bloodborne (on the nose but I couldn't resist). Also really loves Monster Hunter. Cares a lot about the monster's details, like their eating habits. I think his fave would either be Odogaron, Nargacuga or Zinogre.

❥ Picks the edgiest weapons lmfao. Definitely a longsword user in Monster Hunter. Went blood build in Elden Ring

❥ *Sigh* he does consult reddit for his builds and is a min-maxer. I'm afraid Choso is a reddit user but in a 'I need a thorough understanding of this' kind of way

❥ Function over fashion: he dgaf if that helmet is as ugly as sin, it gives him +2 endurance and he's gonna wear it

❥ Lets you create his character & name them & everything.

❥ If you can't be present for the character creation portion, he'll make his character you! Definitely made you his dream guardian in Baldur's Gate 3 (which in the early access was called the Dream Lover, which is even cuter)

❥ Not pretentious at all about what is/isn't gaming, and plays all sorts of genres

❥ LOVES NINTENDO GAMES. Mario has a special place in his heart. DEFINITELY mains Shy Guy in Mario Kart

❥ Will literally cry and die if you play video games with him. You don't have to be good because he'll happily teach you. Just watching him play and asking about the details will make his day

❥ Definitely would do those cute Animal Crossing museum dates. Loves the relaxing, chill music so much. Despite his min-maxer approach to other games, he's absolutely not a time traveler in Animal Crossing. He's of the mindset that it ruins one of the core features of the game

❥ Stardew Valley? Stardew Valley. Honestly, I can't decide who he romanced first. My heart is telling me Leah, but chat pls advise

❥ Speaking of chat, you just know he's a fan of let's players. Always watching a YouTuber or Twitch Streamer. He's a Markiplier fan. You know it, just accept it

❥ Tbh that's a cute thought: Choso being a fan of the reader that's a small twitch streamer. Should that be a thing?

❥ Really good at singleplayer games. AWFUL at pvp

❥ He'll play something like Fortnite or Overwatch for Yuji, but needs to be hard carried because he only plays when someone asks him to. He can't stand how toxic those communities are, and doesn't want to socialize with strangers just to play a game

❥ He gets HEATED SO EASILY when people are toxic, especially if it's directed at Yuji or someone else he cares about. Definitely the type to step in and check other ppl when they're being toxic. Like those clips where it's a woman in a lobby and the dudes all start being sexist. Choso will not let that shit fly!

❥ Teabag him if you want to see him lose his shit

❥ On the note of Overwatch: the only character he can and will play is Mercy, and he just pockets Yuuji the whole time. Yuji has to beg him to heal/boost their teammates

[kingdomofpink]

here's the rest of the oc ask meme, I just ended up filling out the rest of it for fun and I figured I wouldn't get anymore asks anyway so I'll just dump it all here. under the cut bc its long

Describe your OC physically- what do they look like? What notable features do they have, or what’s your favorite part of their design?

Neera- Neera's a pale bitch, she wears sunscreen every single day because she HATES getting sunburnt, that shit is SO annoying literally leave her alone. She has never given a shit about her hair but she doesn't cut it because she can't be bothered and it's a waste of money in opinion so she just throws it up and out of the way all the time but like sometimes she uses it as bait, like when bailey's trying to beat her ass for flaking out on payment, he always grabs her hair and that means he's not putting his hands anywhere else. Notable features would be uhhh her ahoge! i kinda use it as an indication of her emotional state in a very minor way? it wasnt intended at first but i started to notice i would draw it a certain way in her more lewd drawings so im making it a thing now As for fav part of her design, i think id say eyes because they're easy to draw and her expression usually remains the same blank/stoic one and its becoming muscle memory and i dont have to struggle with it lmao

Avis- When starting his save I went LARGE BODY immediately bc ive never played with it before and it has been LIFE CHANGING, BRO HE KICKS ASS IN GAME, so uh, he's tall and built, that's canon now, i was gonna do plain black hair but then my brain went "what if purple color theme tho" bc i like to color code my ocs so its like an dark midnight fig/eggplant color with the highlights because i liked it. anyway his eyes are like so black you can only see his pupil from like melee distance which means you are a target now, sorry there's no escaping now, and there's no reason in particular for this color except i like it on male chars a lot, i think its hot Notable features, not to be obvious points at fox tf. and ofc his demon tf, but he hides that because when it comes to ppl who can see his tf's, some of them will just look back and forth between them like, two things on head, two tails what- and he really just went, pick ONE so i wanna say demon tf generally only shows when he's using his demonic abilities or he's too horny to control it fav design-- EARS AND TAIL SORRY TO BE A FREAK BUT i wanna pet him, my fuzzy little bastard and i think he would kill me for it. it was def a struggle trying to figure out how to draw them at first but i think i figured it out, i cannot recall any other ocs i have that have animal ears WHICH IS SAD BC THEY'RE FUN but a lot of my ocs are set in universes where uhh those are impossible so i purposefully hunted for fox tf for him bc i wanted it and i thought it would make him hot

What is their stance on religion? Are they a devout believer, against the idea of gods, or somewhere in between? Do they make their practice or their opinions public, or keep it private?

Neera- Neera is an initiate on a technicality, uhh she has her virginity and she wanted to do the trial of purity to kind of… work on her pain tolerance? so she can hold off longer when she's assaulted (in game reason is to raise willpower) and also she'll take the free money once a month. she's not going to care about her grace increasing or decreasing simply because she's using the temple for her own benefit, but internally she kind of despises it as a system, considering how many times she's gotten molested by a member of the church just by literally going in there (lichen, geting the artifact from the rooms) and she's like "you fucking hypocrites" this is another instance of her NOT giving a shit about being a tattletale and goes to tell jordan and just never goes into the temple unless absolutely necessary

Avis- The temple is a JOKE to Avis, these guys preach about purity and and the innate goodness of humans and hes somewhere in the back, rolling his eyes and gagging (or fucking a cute nun who thought she could take advantage of him and instead gets railed in one of the pews) bro is so cynical and doesn't hide it. They're either snakes just like him or they're naive little bugs he has NO interest in interacting with

How do they act when they’re sick, and does it change depending on who they’re around or how sick they are?

Neera- "I don't get sick." shoves her out of the way Yes she does, see Neera likes to present the image of her having no weaknesses, but she can and does get sick. Not very often simply because she's neurotic about preventitive measures but when she DOES get sick she DISAPPEARS, she will lock herself away and just perservere until she's fine again. She does not want anyone seeing her in a weak state because then they'll take advantage of her ofc, what tf else would they do

Avis- This man… becomes even BITCHIER when he's sick if you can believe it. if he doesn't feel good it is now the problem of EVERYONE in his vicinity, note: he is not any less invulnerable, in fact he now has less of an interest of making a game out of you if you bother him, he will simply destroy you. If high love/relationship with him in general he would want to be taken care of, only in the sense of, "ofc you should take care of me, who else plays with you so well?" He really becomes the worlds most annoying man and somehow his ego is even more present in this state

Neera- Weak to both, she overheats so easily, she will go out of her way to not spend time outdoors when its hotter than 80 F (26C), because she hates sweating. She doesnt like being in the sun either. Cold is one she prefers, like her ideal room temp is low 70s (20C) cause she can just throw on a jacket or snuggle in a blanket. She fucking hates snow however, thinks its a mushy mess and forces her to wear socks when she's sleeping because her hands and feet become ICE cold easily

Avis- He has no preference towards one or the other. His tail provides him warmth is he's somwhere cold for too long, but his clothes are decent enough for that so it's usually just him shoving his hand into the fur if his hands get too cold for his liking. And when it comes to the heat, bro will take any opportunity to do away with his clothes. He's a showoff with a huge ego, and likes when people ogle him.

Share a sentence of dialogue from your OC that you think represents them well.

Neera- I don't think I have actual dialogue written for her in anything specific (yet) So unfortunately this one will have to come in the future

Avis- "I could make things really fun for you if you'd like. All you have to do is agree to be my toy. I promise to treat you well. (lie)"

What does their bed and/or desk look like? Tidy or cluttered - are they both the same, or is one neat and the other messy?

Neera- Organized clutter for both. Her desk is where she keeps almost all of her frequently used materials- books, sewing supplies, letters from her mother, school assignments, etc. The same can be said for her bed. This is her place of comfort and kind of a 'sacred' space to her as she doesn't let people in her room willingly unless she trusts them. Her bed is the ultimate form of that. She has many pillows and comfortable blankets and plush toys she sleeps against at night, (in my head this lowers her trauma hen she sleeps in her bed without interruption) and she okayed the money spent in the knowledge that it brings her continuous comfort.

Avis- Aint a damn thing besides a pillow and blanket on his bed (two pillows as an adult, ooh luxurious) gets in the way of sex, why would he do that unless its a toy, but the toys are much better place on his toy instead. His desk is mostly unused, he's got a little flip calendar on it and a deck of cards he swiped from Wren and then just has a cheap notepad he uses for school related stuff. he doesn't put effort into any of the school projects, he just does them when they interest him or he wants the reward but he won't spend longer than an hour at his desk. He keeps candlesticks on his desk and nightstand for reasons you can probably guess, but a fun initial thought with the one on his nightstand is he will fully just toss a lit candle at the gooners that pay Bailey to molest him in his sleep. It's very amusing to him.

How do they deal with pain (physical or emotional)?

Neera- In encounters, Neera is a manipulative bitch. Max school skills has her pain tolerance high and her apologizing and pleading interactions at max effectiveness and she uses that to her advantage. She's used to pain but she doesn't like it. She's learned to compartmentalize it in the moment to prevent others from taking advantage of her in a weak moment. Physical and emotional she bottles it up and swallows it. It will never get out.

Avis- This bitch is a MASSIVE SADIST, inflicting pain gets him off and he has such high willpower he can still keep kicking your ass mid nut. When that pain is inflicted on him however? He just gets annoyed, pissed off. If he was trying to have fun with it (a noncon encounter where he tried to switch positions with his assaulter? he'd get so bored and just fight them off and go about his day.) But if it was a consensual encounter and this person tries to Dom him and get all uppity? Haha, no. He will make one of two decisions, turn it into a noncon encounter where THEY are the victim and use them until he's bored, or make an example of them and beat them within an inch of their life so they never make such an amateur mistake again. Oh and emotional pain uhh.. as of this moment in time I cannot think of anything that would hurt his feelings. Not a one… (perhaps he has no feelings idk, he simply bastard)

How comfortable are they relying on other people, and what situations would change their comfort level?

Neera- She internalized her childhood before the Orphanage so much that literally nothing has changed her outlook on the world and leaving the youth ward only reinforced it actually. Her trust in others is all but completely withered, even if she cares about people like Robin, or the other orphans, she doesn't trust any of them. In an event where they had to choose to help her or save themselves, she knows they would save themselves and she doesn't blame them for it. So she doesn't "rely" on other people, she makes deals, interactions are transactional and an equal amount of give and take. Which to her, when she 'receives' help, she repays her debt in some way via monetary payment or something they want from her (within reason) and when she 'gives' it's usually like how she is with the orphans, she protects them because she wants to. It makes her feel better, strong, like she's worth something. Other people relying on her feels good, but relying on others is scary because she doesn't see herself as worthy of being cared for.

Avis- Literally why would he ever rely on someone else. He can take care of himself and even take care of others (sexually) when he wants so what's the point. He's not weak and things always go his way so he's never put in a vulnerable position where he needs to consider relying on someone else. His peers are weaker than him and adults are just as bad if not worse than he is so he wouldn't trust them as far as he could throw them. But he would absolutely blackmail them (Leighton) because that's fun.

How does your OC take up space? What do they do with their hands when they talk, or how do they sit in chairs?

Neera- She's so neutral in most scenarios that she gives off npc energy. She sits like, freakishly proper not even on purpose it's just how her body moves, it's giving robot. If she's sitting in any kind of reclined chair that's back even a little bit too far she's sitting in it at like a 90 degree angle uncomfortably, or she will pull the back up so she can sit at a 90 degree angle comfortably. The most natural you will see her is in her room, and if you got in there? Congrats you tamed the feral animal. She curls up into a ball around her cow plush when she sleeps, she looks so small and it's the most 'human' she looks in a frequent occurance. If she's having a conversation with someone her arms/hands like.. don't give at all, but she's one of those people where if you held something out to her she would hold it and continue talking like nothing happened and not acknowledge it unless you brought it up.

Avis- This man is cock and balls out in everything he does, he thinks he's so cool and so important and that everyone loves him or they're wrong. He spreads his legs pussy out to face the world on the subway and does NOT move or give space if an old person or pregnant person gets on the same car as him. If he's having a normal conversation with someone /this has never happened ever/ (ex: Niko or Brooke) he's got his hands in his pockets like he's so chill and cool, probably talking about pervert shit they is so absolutely atrocious and would be censored on any TV airing from 6am to midnight. And with someone he's like playing or flirting with his hands are so active and touchy, touching their hair, their face, leaning against the wall as he gets in close (kabedon). Personal space? No it's our space, actually no it's his space and you're just there too.

What are three moments in their life that impacted your OC the most?

Neera- The day her father died, the day her mother got admitted to the Asylum (and the day she was sent to the Orphanage), The day she left the youth ward and realized she was never going to have a chance at a comfortable life no matter how much she wanted it

Avis- (I wanna say he got his demon tf first so) When he got the full demon tf, his instincts changed and molded even more towards his extremely perverse nature that he has now, being entirely sex brained but now he feels stronger because of it. Meeting Wren; he mostly survived off of stealing semi valuable things to get by, paying off Bailey when he felt like it just to not have that particular annoyance hanging over his head, and when he met Wren, he was able to get into more… high risk high reward situations that awarded his current wealth. For the third one I want to leave it kind of open and ambiguous as a pc interaction like "YOU! Could make a huge impact on this terrible man's life!" Because in all seriousness you can. It's hard, but it's possible. If he didn't have his fox tf, it would be impossible, but because of it, he can be swayed to be in a monogamous relationship (per universe because everyone deserves to fuck this asshole if they so choose to do so) and "guided" to be gentler and more caring towards a pc that has built a relationship with him.

If they can or would drive, what would their car be like? Not gonna go super in depth on these ones bc im not a car person and i dont/cant drive Neera-She'd have something basic like an suv she did like minimal research into of being the like… safest to drive and crash survivability. She wouldn't like a small, lower to the ground car, cause they' just make her feel claustrophobic.

Avis- I'm gonna b e honest with you guys, it would be some kind of convertable or big fancy truck because 1. he likes to show off and and he would have fun parking somewhere semi public and fucking you in it (convertable-top rolled down, truck- in the truck bed)

How do they connect with the people around them? Love language, how they offer comfort, etc.

Neera- I'm gonna be real with you guys, this girl is so awkward internally, she doesn't know how to connect with people, which is why she wonders why people are interested are interested in her at all (Alex for one but she supposes it's due to her being the only non hostile interaction since he lives alone on his farm) her love language? I guess in the most general sense is acts of service? Protecting the orphans from bullies, paying for Robin's debt, making sure Yunie is hydrated and fed, etc. She's kind of a silent comforter, offering a hug if they want or wiping (licking) their tears. (Receiving, she would like physical touch the most)

Avis- At the risk of sounding like I'm repeating myself-- sex. He rarely has non sexual relationships with people he isn't forced to interact with on a recurring basis (i.e. Bailey, the teachers, etc.) So like even when he isn't actively having sex with someone to satiate his needs, his conversations revolve mostly around sex as well, talking about what or who he did recently. His love language… I'm not entirely sure? I think it's something that could vary depending on the PC he's "in a relationship" with, and he would cater to what he thinks would make them happy/appeased as an entirely calculated move.

[namgyunation]

Anon from before - haha you're welcome for more excuses to type. Thank you for respondinga! I honestly thought the same as you, but so many people on ig threads and reddit ones have been arguing this specific thing with me like "he was high so he must have thought it was min-su not nam-gyu". And fair enough about being high given what happened to gyeong-su, but the reason I don't buy that -apart from the fact that Him ditching nam-gyu after he was initially hesitant to give him pills he thought would hurt him doesn't make sense to me - is the way nam-gyu then very insincerely says "I told him you'd survive" like bruh did no such thing 💀 which sort of sets that up as a lie. then we have the "I'm sorry boyyyy! open the dooorrrr!" thing which again, insincere af before he's like I'M SO FUCKIN' ANGRY MAN111!!

And yeah I dont know if you watched the show in English/another language or in Korean with the subtitles but in the Korean version my subtitles said "thanks to you I bonded with nam-su here" when he's telling off mg coin in the beginning. Which seemed like a very genuine statement when he said because he didn't need to say it for any reason at that point, nam-gyu was already supporting him, he wasn't scared of him like min-su etc.

(adding onto this post with the other ask you sent me) +

Same anon also omg that photoset you reblogged where rjw says thanos looked down on him, yeah I think thanos sort of does that with everyone but the thing is, the others didn't care? Se-mi didnt care, gyeong-su is starstruck and not eeally noticing, min-su is scared. But nam-gyu cares. nam gyu's resentment combined with how he wants thanos to respect him and see him as his equal etc lowkey reminds me of like when you're seeing a guy and you want more/have feelings but they don't/are a fuckboy, is what I compared it to (a situation both me and a friend of mine who also saw it, have been in). I could honestly see that applying both for platonic (like gretchen and Regina in mean girls?) Or for more (he really did give the vibe that he was into thanos as more than a friend to me) but tldr; YES that is exactly how I interpreted them and I'm sorry I'm spamming you I'm just excited to find 1 other person outside of my friends group that has the same takes as me.

oh really?? i'm surprised ppl are fr arguing about that. i might be biased but idk. i thought it was pretty clear he was joking. he was already picking nam-gyu without a second thought throughout the whole game. it was never a question to thanos if nam-gyu was going to be paired up with him in all the previous rounds. it was always thanos and nam-gyu going, "ok, who's coming with us?" like when they made min-su and se-mi rock paper scissors to determine who they'd take. they didn't have to ask each other if they were going to be together!

i mean, it's fair to say that since he was high, the possibility of him fr thinking he was with min-su could be there. but ehhhh idk. min-su went along with what thanos said out of fear and because he had no idea how to say no or stand up for himself, while nam-gyu enthusiastically followed him around and backed him up on everything, stroking his ego perfectly lol. min-su barely actually talks or makes the effort to talk with thanos (or nam-gyu). for someone who thinks so highly of himself, i feel like the choice for which of them to "save" and maintain the strongest alliance with would be clear for thanos, even when under the influence. also i saw someone comment this, but i think it’s funny to imagine that thanos also favored nam-gyu over min-su in that moment because nam-gyu returned his weird ass head shake thing LMAO

and yeah the whole 'bullying min-su in the bathroom' scene. no hesitation from thanos to try and intimidate min-su and shove him back on the toilet, all the exaggerated sweetness from earlier gone. and then ofc nam-gyu's pathetic ass is there again to back him up like thanos knew he would LOL

thanos knew that choosing nam-gyu over min-su would be more beneficial to him because of the fact that he happily follows whatever thanos wants, while min-su's growing increasingly rattled and is obviously taking more and more convincing to keep voting the way he wants him to.

and yes i watched it in kr! i agree with what you said. because of how thanos's personality is, i wouldn't be surprised if he played it up a bit / exaggerated how deeply he and nam-gyu "bonded" especially with how he added "because.. we shared the same pain 😿😿</3", but either way i do see it as a genuine statement. probably also said it to intimidate mg coin more and make it clear to him that (at least) two of the dudes he was now stuck in this confined space with did notttt fuck with him at all and were likely going to give him a really hard time

and then to respond to the second part of your ask—

i agree! and i'd say that top basically confirmed that in his netflix interview.

"before facing off against the front man, thanos probably thinks he's the boss there. after getting beat up... he probably confidently considers himself second in hierarchy."

thanos looks down on everyone no matter what. his ego is huge. the difference between him and nam-gyu (who i'd say also has a gigantic ego), is that thanos can actually somewhat back it up through his unwavering confidence and status. also, unlike nam-gyu, thanos's ego is pretty hard to bruise. he just seems so sure of himself, despite being cringey and a complete moron (said with love)

the others don't gaf fr! gyeong-su doesn't give a shit, clearly, he's just happy to be there and is pleased enough by the simple fact that thanos is letting him follow him around. se-mi thinks thanos is an idiot. she seems sure of herself, too, so why the hell would she care about what he thinks, of all people. and yeah, min-su is too terrified to care about how thanos views him lmao. he just doesn't want to die.

and then nam-gyu.... clearly has a lot of deep set issues and things that had to have happened to him in order for him to have grown up into the way he is: extremely sensitive and susceptible to the criticism/opinions of others, insecure, etc.

also i can totally see what you're saying with the whole fuckboy thing. nam-gyu always seems like he's trying to subtlely inch closer to thanos and advance their weird parasocial 'friendship' into something more genuine. nam-gyu likes the idea of being closer to a celebrity, someone who's 'cool', maybe he likes his music too idk, but either way the thought of being close to someone like thanos is tantalizing to him.

while i personally prefer to see the two of them in more of a 'bros' way, where nam-gyu is pathetically trying to get closer to thanos for the clout of being friends with someone with status whom he's a fan of, i also can see the appeal of seeing it in a more 'shippy' context. it could go either way, and i feel that's where personal interpretation and headcanons come in.

also just a random comment, but nam-gyu's behavior reminds me a lot of the whole 'group leader' meme (2 examples linked lol) that went around, obviously with thanos being the 'group leader' and nam-gyu being the fucking loser constantly trying to impress him, and i just think that's funny as fuck, which i think is partly why i prefer to see them in a more platonic sense lmao.

despite nam-gyu's efforts, i really don't think their relationship advances much. there's some level of mutual trust there, like 'you have my back, i got yours', but beyond that, i wouldn't say i could see either of them genuinely opening up to the other or anything. nam-gyu repressed all his animosity towards thanos that slowly built up over the duration of the series. it's so hard for him to be honest and upfront about his feelings, clearly. thanos never saw nam-gyu as an equal, nor did he ever really respect him lmao. though in an au where they survived the games and actually talked to each other when they're NOT under the influence or desperately trying not to die, i could totally see them being actual friends.

i'd honestly argue that thanos didn't care nearly as much about nam-gyu as people try to make it seem (at least in the canon moments in the show that we see up until thanos's death). definitely don't see him caring about nam-gyu in a head over heels romantic sense, nor in a 'omg bestie bae forever and ever; we're so soul-bonded and you get me in every single way kyaaaaaa i luv uuuuuuu let's get noodles and drinks after the games mwah mwah <3'

NOT saying that i think he completely didn't care about him. he did care, but i personally view thanos's 'care' for nam-gyu being as simple and surface-level as "oh this guy hates the same dude as me, and he does what i want. that's my bro now. he's chill enough, and also won't stop fucking bothering me, so i'll give him the drugs." and then he shows concern over nam-gyu's arm in like a "damn, alright...!" way. he also shows concern in the basic sense that he doesn't want nam-gyu to die, which isn't that special. he was really rattled over what happened to mina in the first game. i don't think he consciously wanted anyone to die (except maybe mg coin LOL).

"i always thought thanos had the intelligence of a goldfish." - top

yeah, that guy is NOT forming any deep thoughts!

anyways. that was a fucking lot i'm sorry LOL

and omfgggg pls do NAWT apologize for spamming me LMAO; i encourage it. i'm insane about squid game (and nam-gyu) right now so i really do like hearing other people's thoughts about the characters!!! i'm legit hanging out with tumbleweeds in the desert rn

also a big part of the reason i make those posts anyways is bc it makes me feel so happy and also sane when other people say they have the same takes as me, especially since most of the fan content i see usually contradicts how i personally view these guys LOL so props to your friend group <333

[thelikesoffinn]

been thinking about it lately and Ascended Astarion = Dead Dove content and I'm not sure that's really understood, even by the writers. when I finally got around to the character I decided to ascend him with, I was SUPREMELY disappointed by the conversations options following it. it seemed like the dialogue choices were trying to push the narrative on my character that they made this choice w/o considering the consequences and they are bound to regret it. the closest I could get to answering his question of "why did u let me go thru w it?" was "I wanted u to be powerful".

but with that character? my accept Bhaal durge? that isn't the reasoning. at all. (related: "what do u want as a reward?" "ur body" was the closest answer my character could give. otherwise I'd've answered "murder :))")

for context, this run was born of a conversation w my friend discussing supposed content no one had seen bc "no one's that evil". we thought, what's more evil than killing literally every npc? I failed the conceit of the challenge immediately bc I can't handle senseless animal cruelty in my games. killing children? fine (u need a mod to do this in BG3, but I am thankfully plenty delighted to use mods), killing a neutral animal npc? no can do.

so I started this durge (they are the only character that can come close to "killing" Gale with that first interaction) run with the intention of killing everyone except Shadowheart (only a cleric of Shar can truly kill Aylin) and Astarion (bc I need to smooch him). (and there is a mod for playing an origin character as durge, which would have meant playing as Shadowheart, but I MUST smooch Astarion and I don't tend to do het or female romances, unless I'm forced to (*sighs dreamily* oh, Garrus Vakarian). I'm just not interested in that set of equipment in that way, so may as well just make a durge dude.) somehow something went wonky and Halsin ended up joining us and I was so perplexed I just allowed him to stay. (he's meant to attack if u destroy the grove but free him anyway, but instead he just showed up that night and went straight into his Moonrise spiel. is it bc the wolf Silver never aggro'd me and thus survived???) so I fixed the Shadow Curse all while killing every single humanoid and hostile animal in acts 1 & 2. including Thaniel, which makes Halsin's talks later in act 3 of getting news from Thaniel and the Grove hysterical. idk what I did but I sure as hell broke this poor man.

(on a related note, Halsin will give out to u when u accept Bhaal, but will still give u the "u have exceeding my expectations, also we should bang" in the same conversation. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT IT'S DARKLY FUNNY.)

in the conversation when Astarion is expressing surprise that u let him go thru w it, my durge is just like, yes my motivation is that I like to kill ppl :))). it's not a sex thing for him (that is separate from the murder!), but he's still fine w the outcome. yes, Astarion looks down on him, but that's fine! he's allowed to be wrong about that, durge doesn't care. so long as Astarion lets him kill ppl he genuinely just does not give a shit.

(I actually had the idea that if Halsin were to ever rediscover his morals and tried to leave he'd ask Astarion to turn him so Halsin would not have a choice. as I said, this durge *does not fucking care*.)

this is probably the only character I will play that would let Astarion ascend bc I enjoy dead dove SOMETIMES, but not always or in large doses, but I get so few dialogue options that convey that in an rp sense! I don't think the writers/devs REALLY took that into consideration, sometimes. like, yeah, there are going to be ppl making fucked up choices but surely no one would go THIS far! for THIS reason! honey, u need to look up the Dead Dove tag on AO3, there are absolutely ppl making choices for those fucked up reasons.

(and I understand the whole "this confirms to Astarion about sex yadda yadda". even if that's not Tav/Durge motivation, that's how ASTARION would *interpret* it.)

(oh yes, and also, don't let Orin abduct Yenna. it doesn't matter whether u find out in camp or the sewers, Grub will not survive. I was devastated. if I'd known, I would have made sure Halsin was available for her, but she won't abduct a party member or someone ur romancing.)

long story short, I want to play a durge that even ascended Astarion finds unsettling. that's the dream.

Hello there, duck!

Your run sounds delightfully evil! I wish I could play one of those, haha, but I'm too soft hearted. My one evil run with my durge Salira was ended before even entering the grove because I felt horrible after getting rid of Gales hand! Seriously, I can barely take killing the squirrel as durge, and I always save Alfira because I feel horrendous otherwise!

(Fun fact, on all five runs I've done Yenna just vanished at some point and grubs was left standing in my camp, which was like...eh?)

And yes, Halsin is always somewhat of an issue, isn't he? He's just running around, causing mayhem in peoples games because he seems slightly bugged out, haha. I had one run, where he wouldn't go to the spot where we save Thaniel because he joined the fight against Marcus at Last Light and somehow got stuck, for some reason. Same run, none of his vocals would play, which was also very interesting. Everybody would make noise when they climbed or got hurt but Halsin was always silent and just there! And in another run the dude really straight up hated me - he was so mean and snappy, I swear to god he wanted my Durge dead - and then he suddenly went: "Hey you're super cool and strong and I just want to gently fuck you beneath the moonlight if you'll let me" and I was like: Say what.

Regarding the dead Dove: I've talked to people of Discord before, and some of them mentioned something similar a couple of times, but personally, I do think the writers actually knew what they were doing here!

Of course, I do agree that it relies heavily on the regret notion and that it somewhat shoehorns you into a certain narrative corner, I noticed that too when I was ascending him for research - I hated doing that, but all for the asks, haha - but I thought it was really fitting for what it is!

The bad ending, that is. I know we all somewhat forget that because of how people view him as a character, but ascension is the bad ending. Even on an evil run, where your character may have considered all options, it is very likely that Tav hasn't accounted for one very important part of being a true vampire.

The obsession.

It's still somewhat mild in the game, though definitely there, but it will only get stronger as time goes on, and it will probably get to the point that the only escape is death. Either his or Tav's. So, in the end, ascension will come with an armload of regret and the writers were making sure we know that.

And, on top of that, even if we let him ascend in a pursuit for power - or in in your durge's special case: murder :) - we still cast spawn Astarion aside because he doesn't fit our needs, thus making it very clear to him that who he is isn't enough and his behaviour is the price we now pay.

It's pretty much the same with all the other companions as well - justiciar Shadowheart and ascended Lae'zel, for example. However, it doesn't bother us as much, because we have different expectations towards ascended Astarion than, for example, dark justiciar Shadowheart. We don't expect a positive narrative here, a narrative where becoming shady-shar's loyal subject isn't an objectively dumb decision to make, so we don't mind the dead dove as much. It's exactly what we've been expecting - and Aylin even warned us how Shadowheart would change upon becoming a dark justiciar - so yepp. This went exactly how we thought it would and this is what we wanted.

Astarion, however, is a somewhat special case, because his bad ending is, by far, the one that gets the most romanticised. He's so heavily romanticised by so many, that the bad parts nearly start to fade, even with those who don't like the ascended ending. It becomes just 'the other ending', if you will.

And yet, it's still the bad ending.

Ascension is the bad ending for a character that we've somewhat given up on. That we misunderstood so deeply, mayhaps, that we traded his entire being for power and, quite frankly, beauty. We showed him that he isn't enough, we let the boy run and hide the only way he knew how and now we're faced with the consequences and yes, it's really dead dove but...what did we expect?