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Angel Baby - Rafe Cameron x Kook!reader P7
pairing: Best Friend!Rafe Cameron x Kook!Best-Friend!reader
summary: Rafe and Reader have known each other since kindergarten, always side by side, the king and princess of Figure 8. So why now does he start feeling different towards her, when all she's ever been is his best friend?
a/n: MERRY CHRISTMAS MY SEXYS!!!!!!! For the holidays thought I'd ramp things up, Let's see, Y/n's a bit of a diva in this tbh, she's a little cheeky, get it ig she's just a girl after all. Midsummer's is well underway, little feature from the gangs group chat and y/n and rafe? well cue careless whisper and shut your eyes *wink wink nudge nudge*. I've never actually written smut before so cut me some slack but it's lowkey inspired by Chappell's 'Picture You' iygwim... Love you all so so so much, enjoy and have a great holiday!!!!!!!!!!
warnings: nsfw! smut, self pleasure (rafe), kinda pervy rafe? (idk idk don't shoot me) dismissive mother figure (y/n lowkey got mommy issues ngl), drugs, smoking, alcohol, driving under the influence, suggestive behaviour (y/n).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Midsummers was lingering around the corner, Y/n pacing at her front door anxiously as she waited for the courier, peering out the window by the door in hopes of sighting the van pulling up by the gates. If he didn’t show up in the next five minutes she was going to have a meltdown. Her phone ringing loudly made her jump, she looked down to the device vibrating on the counter as she picked it up the name ‘Rafey’ shining up at her,
“Hey Princess”
Rafe was sat in his room, lounging back on his bed, mindlessly staring up at the ceiling fan which was revolving in slow turns. It was Midsummers today, and he was feeling antsy, knowing he needed to get a gift for the girl, he wanted to get her the best gift possible, their little tradition starting when he got her a small bouquet of flowers a few years ago, he liked to say that it was her early birthday present, but it was truly just an excuse for him to get her something. Of course this year it had to be better, after the night a few days ago, after his.. realisation that the girl was more than just a ‘best-friend’, he knew the evening was his chance to talk to her.
If that's what you wanna call it then-
Y/n pressed the phone to her ear, her voice slightly breathless as she answered, “Hey, what’s up?”
“Where are you?” Rafe’s voice rang out over the phone, straight to the point as usual.
“At home. Waiting for the courier.” She started pacing again, one hand holding the phone, the other tugging nervously at the hem of her shirt as she started to ramble.
“They’re late, and if they don’t show up soon, I’m screwed. I need this dress or I’m literally not coming. I’m not coming Rafe -do you know how embarrassing it would be to wear the sam-“
“Relax,” Rafe said, his tone steady but with the faintest hint of amusement. “You’re gonna give yourself a heart attack.”
“I can’t relax!” she snapped, her frustration spilling over. “Do you know how much this means? If I don’t have it ready by tonight-”
“I know, I know,” he interrupted, the girl was prone to overthinking, his voice softening. “It's a big deal. You’ve been talking about it non-stop for the past two weeks but freaking out isn’t going to help.”
Y/n groaned, slumping against the wall near her door. “Easy for you to say. You’re not the one on the verge of public humiliation.”
There was a pause on the other end of the line, then he spoke again, quieter this time.
“What’s really going on..?”
She hesitated, her fingers tightening around the phone. She opened her mouth to respond, but the sound of a car pulling up outside made her stop. Her head whipped toward the window, and she exhaled in relief.
“Courier’s here,” she said quickly. “I gotta go.”
“Y/n—” Rafe started, but she hung up before he could finish.
Whoopsies
Fucking brat
She shoved the phone into her pocket and opened the door, stepping out onto the porch as the courier climbed out of their van. The man carried a medium-sized box toward her, looking apologetic.
“Sorry for the delay,” the courier said, handing it over.
“It’s fine, thank you.” Y/n muttered, clutching the package to her chest like it was a lifeline. She watched the courier leave before heading back inside, shutting the door behind her. Her phone buzzed again, and she pulled it out to see another call from Rafe. She sighed, debating whether to answer. Part of her wanted to ignore it and focus on the package, but the other part of her knew Rafe wouldn’t just let it go -he was probably going to scold her for hanging up.
“Hi, again-”
“-Don’t ‘hi’ me,”
Rafe shot back. “You hung up on me. What’s going on?”
The girl sat down on the couch, setting the box beside her. She took a deep breath. “It’s just… a lot, okay? Everything has to be perfect tomorrow, and mom’s been on my back about it and I’m scared I’ll mess it up.” She trailed off, biting her lip.
“Right” Rafe spoke out, though she could already hear the knowing tone creeping into his voice.
“Shut up,” she mumbled, though her cheeks were already burning, she felt embarrassed she was so bothered,
Always overthinking
Just a dumb party
“Listen,” Rafe said, his tone turning serious again. “You’ve been stressing yourself out, I get it—you want to impress everyone.”
She didn’t answer, but the silence spoke volume.
“Y/n, you’re already... pretty amazing,” he continued. “You don’t need some big, grand gesture to prove that.” His words caught her off guard, and for a moment, she didn’t know how to respond. Finally, she whispered,
“Thanks, Rafe.”
“Anytime,” he said lightly. “Now go open that box and finish whatever masterpiece you’re working on. And stop overthinking.”
“Okay, okay,” she said, a small smile creeping onto her face. “Talk later?”
“Always,” he replied before hanging up. Y/n set the phone down, staring at the box beside her. Rafe’s words lingered in her mind as she reached for it opening it, fingers sliding over the soft silky material.
You better look good bitch
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The girl sat at her vanity, dabbing a final touch of highlighter onto her cheekbones, as her hands moved down to tighten the belt around her waist of the fuzzy robe she had on. The soft music filled the background as she admired the dress hanging nearby, waiting to be put on. She picked up her phone, her fingers tapped against the screen, nails causing little clicks to rise into the air of the room, mixing in with the soft sound of the music playing in the background. She typed to the group chat,
Princess. : Lowkey might be late …
She hesitated for a moment, then hit send, her phone buzzed almost immediately.
Young Rich & Sexy (1 unread message)
Rafey : u got ur whole life planned out to the minute tf u mean ur late
Princess : Fashionably ofc
Kels : Why are you such a
Kelc : Wait what is it she says
T-man : Diva
Kels : Yeah
Kels : Why are you being a diva
Princess : You guys are so dramatic. I’m just finishing up, okay?
T-man : Nah
Rafey : “finishing up” means ur still running around in a robe and slippers
Princess : It’s nothing!!!
Princess : Just running a little behind
Rafey : Oh, so you’re spiralling
T-man : Got it
Kels : How many outfit changes are we at? Three? Four?
T-man : Five Minimum
Princess : I hate all of you
Rafey : Big words.
Rafey : Are you actually leaving, though?
Kels : Yeah, just get here before Rafe starts flirting with himself in the mirror
Rafey : Shut up
Rafey : At least I don’t take an hour deciding on a bowtie like you
Kels : ...
Kels : Fuck you
T-man : Y/n, this is what happens when you’re not around to keep us in line
Princess : Are you guys drinking already?
Rafe : Yes
Kels : No
T-man : Yes
Kels : Oh
Kels : Yes?
Kels : BAHAHAHAH
Princess : You’re all hopeless
She grabbed her clutch and slipped her phone into it, giving herself one final once-over in the mirror before heading out the door of her bedroom to meet her parents downstairs. The group chat continued buzzing, but she ignored it, feet padding down the stairs to slip on her heels.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The driver eased the car to a smooth stop in front of the country club, a line of luxury cars wound behind them, each filled with kooks dressed to the nines, ready to celebrate… what was it again?
Something about tradition, about status-
She stepped out of the car, the setting sun warm against her skin as she adjusted her dress. She followed closely behind her parents, her father offering a polite nod to the valet while her mother stepped forward, her sharp eyes scanning the scene. Before the girl could take another step toward the entrance, her mother’s hand landed lightly on her arm, stopping her in her tracks. Y/N turned, surprised by the tight grip and the serious expression etched on her mother’s face.
“Wait,” Marie said in a hushed tone, her voice low but firm enough to cut through the murmurs of the other guests near the entrance. She straightened, smoothing an invisible crease on her dress before turning her full attention to her daughter. Y/N raised an eyebrow.
“What?”
Her mother’s lips pressed into a thin line. “I want to remind you to be on your best behaviour tonight.”
Y/N rolled her eyes. “I’m always on my best behaviour.”
“Don’t be clever,” her mother snapped quietly, her tone just sharp enough to sting. “This isn’t just some casual get-together. It’s important. People are watching, Y/N. People who matter.” She emphasised to the girl.
Classic
“Watching for what, exactly?” Y/N shot back, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
“To see if I chew with my mouth closed or if I trip on my heels?”
Her mother’s jaw tightened. “To see if you’re worthy of standing in this room. To see if you reflect the family we’ve worked hard to build. You think reputation doesn’t matter, but it does. It matters more than you realise.”
Y/N crossed her arms, her posture defiant. “Right, because it’s all about what they think, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” her mother said sharply, her eyes narrowing.
“You don’t have to like it, but you will respect it. Your father and I have done everything to ensure we’re respected. I won’t have you undo it with some thoughtless remark or petty argument.”
Y/N clenched her jaw, biting back the words bubbling on her tongue. She hated these conversations- hated being reminded that she wasn’t just herself but an extension of her family’s carefully constructed image. Her mother’s gaze softened slightly, but her voice remained steady.
“This isn’t just about us, Y/N. One day, it will matter for you, too. You’ll see that eventually.”
Before Y/N could respond, her father’s voice cut through the tension. “Are we going in, or are we standing out here all night hmm?” The man could never notice the tension between the two women, he only saw his caring wife and sweet daughter. He leant down pressing a kiss to his wife’s cheek before wrapping his hand around Y/n’s waist pulling her towards him holding both women closely, “my girls.”
Her mother straightened, her composure snapping back, she gave Y/N a once-over, her expression unreadable, before turning toward the entrance taking her husbands hand and walking with him. The man turned his head back shortly, sending a wink in the girls direction, her fathers action brought a small smile to her face. With a deep breath, she pushed her frustration from her mother comments aside and followed her parents into the club, the sound of clinking glasses and polite laughter greeting them as the door swung open.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The scent of champagne and roses hung heavy in the air as Y/N stepped further inside, clutching the stem of a freshly poured flute. She felt the weight of eyes on her as she moved through the room, the navy fabric skimmed her body, hugging her waist before cascading to the floor in soft ripples. It was all so curated, so polished, but Y/N barely registered the scene. Not until her eyes landed on Rafe. He was standing near the bar, leaning casually against the counter, a glass of whiskey in his hand. His sharp jawline caught the light as he turned slightly, his shoulders broad under the perfectly tailored suit jacket he wore.
As if sensing her gaze, he looked up. Their eyes met for a split second, his brow raising slightly as a smirk tugged at the corner of his lips.
His grip on the glass tightened as he straightened subtly, his attention narrowing entirely on Y/N as she entered the room. She was impossible to miss, even in the crowd. The navy satin of her dress shimmered under the light. His eyes trailed upward, catching on the delicate V of the neckline that framed her collarbones, which glowed faintly with a soft sheen. Her hair, threaded with tiny white flowers, was swept back to reveal the curve of her neck. She looked…
Wow
His throat felt dry.
Rafe’s gaze followed her as she moved toward the bar, her posture poised but relaxed, her fingers curling around a champagne flute. As she made her way towards the boy, she noticed Topper and Kelce standing behind him, eyeing up a group of girls giggling by the tables.
“Surpriseeee.”
She sang out as she did a little spin in front of the boy, the silk swaying with her. “Only,” she looks over to the clock on the wall, “15 minutes late.”
His eyes ran down over her body as her movement, a little smirk on his face before he chuckled at her comment,
“15 minutes? Might as well have not showed” He teased her as he tilted his head, looking down at her once again.
“Asshole.” She mutters out shoving his shoulder slightly before she looked over at him.
Damn
“You look good,” she spoke genuinely, her hand coming out to smooth down the blazer she’d shifted as she pushed him, she spoke playfully,
“handsome.”
He watched her as she smoothed the non-existent wrinkles in his blazer, his heart faltering at her compliment.
Handsome huh?
“You look….you look beautiful Y/n” He spoke out quietly, leaning in a little closer to her, his eyes roaming over her face.
A pink hue lifted to her cheeks at his words as her hand trailed down from his chest where she’d smoothed the blazer out, down his arm, to his hand, where her fingers brushed against his, a warm feeling settled in his stomach as her fingers danced over his hand.
“Thanks.” She spoke out quietly. Their moment was interrupted by the sound of a wolf whistle, Topper and Kelce stumbling over towards them as they looked Y/n.
“Kook Princess does it again!”
“Looking good.”
Kelce and Topper speak out to her, both stepping forward, one placing a kiss on her cheek as the other wraps his arms around her in a hug.
“You look like you just stepped out of a magazine. Like, one of those fancy ones with the shiny covers.” Kelce started to babble, Topper following soon after,
“Like the ones you collect what are they cal-“
“Vogue?” The girl asked amused smile on her face at their antics.
“Fuck yeah you look fresh out of Vogue.” Kelce spoke with a shake of his head.
Never heard that one before
“You two always know how to make a girl feel special.” She shot them a playful wink of her own, clearly unbothered by their banter.
“Well I’d hope all those hours of getting ready weren't for nothing.”
She speaks as she looks over to the group of girls huddling together, a hushed giggle breaking out as Topper and Kelce turn around to look at them, one of the girls lifting her hand and wiggling her fingers in a small wave. She spoke to the two boys as Rafe watched, leaning back against the bar counter,
“But you guys clean up well, heard you’ve been turning heads tonight..”
“More like giving head..”
The girls eyes widen as she lets out a loud laugh hand coming up to cover her mouth.
“Are you being for real?” She whispers out in a hush as the boy next to her shrugs his shoulder in a nonchalant manner a smirk rising to his face, she pushes Kelce away from her, his hand dropping from her waist,
“Ew you freak” she giggled as she shakes her head.
The boys rambled to each other defensively as she shook her head rolling her eyes at them turning back to Rafe. Y/N reached up absentmindedly to adjust her necklace, a habit she couldn’t seem to shake, only to freeze when her fingers brushed against bare skin. Her brow furrowed as she searched for the familiar chain, but it wasn’t there.
Shit
“I forgot my necklace.” She spoke out frown on her face.
Rafe, who had been watching her from the corner of his eye, leaned in with a teasing smile, the missing chain on her neck was one of the first thing’s he’d noticed when she’d gotten closer to him.
"You wear it everyday? How’d you forget it tonight"
"I don’t know. I just got distracted.” She shrugged as hint of disappointment in her tone.
Rafe’s smile softened, and he raised an eyebrow.
Perfect
“Come on, I’ve got something to show you.”
“What is it?”
Y/N glanced up at him, surprised her head tilting slightly.
He flashed her a grin “C'mon," he said, gently taking her hand.
"Follow me."
The girl slipped her hand into the crook of his arm which he held out for her as he led her away from the main group, stepping out from under the harsh lights and into the quieter side of the party, where the music felt distant and the crowd’s chatter muffled. She followed him curiously, the sound of her heels tapping against the floor drowned out by the thrum of the distant bass. When they reached a secluded corner, Rafe pulled away from her and slipped his hand into the inside pocket of his blazer. Y/N raised an eyebrow, her interest piqued.
“Here.”
He pulled out a small, velvet blue box, holding it out to her.
“It’s your Midsummer’s present."
Y/N blinked, taken aback. "What?" She hadn't been expecting anything, especially not tonight.
What-
Rafe’s smile was genuine, one that didn’t appear often.
“Our tradition? We’ve been doing this for years, -yeah well I have I guess"
Y/N’s heart fluttered in her chest. A small gift- something thoughtful, not extravagant, but always meaningful. And somehow, she’d forgotten about it this year, she’d been so fussed with her dress and her mother, the boy being occupied with his family's business, she didn’t think Rafe would bother this year.
Her fingers brushed over the soft velvet as she took the box from him, her heart skipping a beat as she opened it. Inside lay a dainty, golden necklace, delicate but elegant, with a tiny heart-shaped pendant hanging from it. The pendant was engraved with their initials-
Y/N . R
Y/N’s breath caught in her throat as she stared at it for a moment, a soft smile tugging at her lips. The necklace was beautiful, but what really moved her was the thought behind it. It was a symbol of their years of friendship, of the connection they shared that went beyond just tradition.
"Rafe… this is…" She looked up at him, her voice soft with gratitude. “It’s perfect.”
“Yeah? You like it”
"I love it Rafe seriously.”
Y/N held the small velvet box in her hands, her fingers still lingering over the necklace inside. Rafe stood in front of her, a soft smile on his lips, watching her with a quiet intensity that made her heart race. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but something about the way he was looking at her made the whole moment feel different—more meaningful than it was in the past years when he’d given her presents.
He smiled, his gaze tender. “I’m glad you like it.”
She nodded, the gesture simple but meaningful. She felt a lump form in her throat, a surge of warmth filling her chest. “Thank you.” She closed the box and stepped forward, pulling him into a tight hug. “Really. I love it.” Rafe returned the hug, his hands resting gently on her back. When she pulled away, he held her at arm's length, a playful glint in his eyes.
“Want me to put it on for you?”
Y/N laughed softly, feeling a mix of warmth and comfort from his presence. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
Without breaking eye contact, Rafe gently took the necklace from the box, the soft gold chain catching the light as he held it in his hands. His movements were slow, deliberate, as though he was savouring every moment. He stepped a little closer, and Y/N’s breath hitched, her heart fluttering in her chest. She felt his warmth before she even saw him move, the proximity suddenly making the air around them feel heavier, charged with something unspoken. His hands were steady, sure, but there was a tenderness to them as they reached out, the chain dangling between his fingers.
Rafe’s fingers gently grazed the back of her neck as he moved to place the necklace around her, his touch barely there but still enough to send a shiver down her spine. She held her breath for a moment, feeling the heat of his skin against hers, the soft brush of his fingertips making her skin tingle.
There was something so simple, so intimate about it.
"Hold still," he murmured, barely audible.
She felt the coolness of the chain against her skin, and then, the soft click of the clasp as he fastened it around her neck.
“There,” he said, his voice low but warm. “Perfect.”
When he stepped back, his gaze never leaving hers, Y/N’s heart was still pounding in her chest. She touched the pendant, feeling the cool gold between her fingers, but her mind was still caught on the feel of his touch.
“You look beautiful,” he said quietly, his voice almost a whisper.
“Rafe,” she said, her voice thick with emotion she hadn’t expected to feel.
“This… this means so much.”
"I’m happy," he began, his voice lower than usual, as he fidgeted with the cuff of his blazer.
"I didn’t know what to get you this year, so-“
“You didn’t need to get me anything.’
“-I wanted to.”
He swallowed hard, trying to gather his thoughts. He hesitated as he looked at her, the necklace catching the light, glimmering as it rested against her skin. His bowtie suddenly felt awfully tight his tongue darted out to wet his dry lips, his breath feeling short. His shaky hand raised to his neck, finger shoving between his shirt and neck to loosen the material. Standing there right in front of him, he couldn't look away from her. His gaze lingered on her, a mix of admiration and something deeper—something he had been fighting to ignore for a long time. His heart was thudding so harshly against his chest he felt like he was going to pass out, he stepped just a little closer, his breath catching in his throat.
Say it now
He needed to.
“Y/N,” he started again, his voice quieter, but no less intense, he hesitated, his pulse racing as his eyes met hers.
"I lo—"
“Y/N!”
He jerked his head up, the words dying on his lips as he looked toward the source of the loud voice.
Wheezie yelled out as she pranced over to the girl happily wide smile on her face, Y/n’s head turned to look to her arms reaching out to catch the younger girl who’d bounded straight into her arms.
Fuck
Y/N’s expression softened immediately, and before she could even say a word, Wheezie was already wrapping her arms around Y/N’s waist, pulling her into a tight hug. Y/N let out a strained laugh and returned the hug.
Any time but now...
“Y/N!” Wheezie squealed, her voice full of excitement. “I missed you so much! I haven't seen you in like forever!”
Rafe stood there, frozen, watching them. His heart thudded heavily in his chest, the weight of the moment hanging thick in the air between them. His confession- his almost confession- had been so close.
So close, in fact, that it almost felt like it was still hanging there, unspoken.
Y/N smiled down at Wheezie, her arms around her tightly. "I know, I’ve missed you too, Wheezie," she said warmly.
"Things have been a little busy lately,” her eyes glanced over to Rafe as she spoke out. The boy cleared his throat, trying to shake off the tension, obvious to his sister. His eyes flicked from Wheezie back to Y/N, the opportunity was gone now.
The words he had almost said to her- words that had been building in him for weeks, months even- seemed to slip away, lost in the noise of the party around them.
He gave a tight smile, feeling a mixture of frustration and amusement. "Yeah," he said, trying to sound casual, even though his voice felt heavier than usual.
"Real busy."
Y/N, sensing the shift in the air, gave him a small but reassuring smile. She knew him too well, probably more than anyone else did. Wheezie ignored their silent interaction, eyes wide with excitement.
“You will not believe what I just found out!” She looked back and forth between them.
Rafe groaned at his sister.
Fucks sake
“Wheezie, not now…”
“You know Audrey and Max? They’re hooking up! For real!” She threw her hands up dramatically, as if she announced the discovery of the century.
“I heard them talking at the bar. They think they’re being all secretive, but—hello?!
Y/N’s brows furrowed slightly as she processed the gossip, but she couldn’t help but laugh. “Wait, seriously?”
“I was like, what? Audrey and Max? So sneaky!” Wheezie shook her head. The younger girl smiled smugly, then turned her attention to Rafe, who was standing there, still trying to regain his bearings. She raised an eyebrow, noticing the odd tension hanging in the air.
“What’s going on here?” she asked with a sly grin.
“Are you two like, having a moment?”
Rafe blinked, caught off guard by her sudden shift in focus. His heart was still racing and now, his younger sister was teasing him about it. He forced a smile, shaking his head slightly.
“No, just… catching up,” he said, his voice a little more strained than usual.
Wheezie raised an eyebrow, her playful expression shifting to something more teasing, glancing back and forth between them. She squinted at them, clearly working out what she thought was going on.
“Are you guys fuc-”
Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise, her cheeks flushing slightly,
Uh-
“What!? No, we’re just…” She stumbled over her words, clearly trying to keep things casual.
“Wheezie, don’t be ridiculous.” Rafe spoke out to the girl in a disapproving tone.
Really not helping here.
Wheezie just raised her eyebrows, clearly unconvinced. “Uh-huh, sure, sure. But just so you know, I’m, like, really good at reading people.”
Y/n laughed awkwardly as she looked over at the girl, “right well-”
Wheezie suddenly grabbed the girl by the arm and began tugging her away toward the drink table. “Come on, let’s get a drink. I need to fill you in on the drama.”
Y/N, looking apologetic, glanced back over her shoulder. “Sorry,” she called, offering him a small smile.
“It’s fine,” Rafe quickly replied, forcing a smile, even though a part of him was disappointed as he watched his sister drag the girl away, the navy fabric sewing around her legs as she got lost in the crowd of brightly coloured dresses.
It’s not fine.
He had almost said it- almost told her how he felt, how much she meant to him. But now, the chance had passed, and the more he thought about it, the more he felt like he’d missed it. That perfect moment was gone, stolen by Wheezie’s innocent oblivion. He sighed, shaking his head, trying to push the frustration aside. He had another chance, right? He just needed to be patient. The music continued to thump in the background, and the party went on, but Rafe couldn’t shake the feeling that the one thing he wanted most had just slipped through his fingers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rafe lingered by the edge of the party, his gaze fixed on Y/N as she laughed and talked with Wheezie,
“You okay, man?”
Rafe was startled out of his thoughts by the voice of Topper, who had appeared beside him, a beer bottle in hand. Topper's eyes were trained on the boy's expression, clearly picking up on the tension. Rafe swallowed hard, forcing a smile.
"Yeah, yeah. Just... tired,"
he said, but even to his own ears, it sounded hollow. He cleared his throat, wanting to change the subject before Topper could press. He glanced over at the group of girls, including Y/N, who was chatting with the boys sister.
“You’ve been kind of quiet all night.”
Rafe shifted on his feet, feeling the weight of Topper’s observation. "I'm fine," he said quickly, brushing it off again. But this time, it wasn’t as convincing.
“Okay, man,” Topper said with a skeptical smile. “If you say so.” He took a long swig of his beer, then added, more casually,
“Y/n liked her necklace?”
Rafe’s breath caught, and he nodded stiffly.
“Yeah, why?”
Topper shrugged, seemingly nonchalant, but Rafe could tell he was watching him closely. The boy let out a sharp laugh, but there was no humour behind it.
Seriously?
“What's the problem.”
Topper just grinned, his tone dropping to something a little more playful but still serious. “Look Rafe, I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but you should just… say something.”
Rafe’s chest tightened at the words, like a weight had just settled on his ribs.
“What’re you talking bout Top-”
“Come on.”
Topper leaned against the nearby wall, clearly in no rush. “I’ve known you long enough to know when you're into someone. And I know how much you care about her. But don’t wait until she’s looking at someone else..”
The boys eyes drifted over to Y/n, who was now talking to Cooper, a smile on her face as she pushed her hair over her shoulder, laughing at what the boy was saying. Her hands reached out fixing his slightly bent tie, before the boy pulled her towards the floor where couples were dancing, he spun her clumsily to which she shook her head at him happily, her hands now resting on her shoulders.
“You think it’s that easy?” Rafe muttered, as his hand rubbed over his face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The lights strung up around the club now flickered softly, casting a warm, inviting glow over the crowd. Y/N, with her head tilted back in laughter, let out a genuine chuckle as Topper dramatically reenacted a conversation from earlier in the night, his exaggerated gestures making everyone laugh even harder. Kelce was leaning against the bar, his smile wide, eyes gleaming as he added his own commentary. The girl brought her hand up wiping away at the tear in her eye, maybe she had one too many of those champagne flutes that were being walked around. A warm buzz started in her chest and radiated outward, making everything feel just a little giddier. She glanced around, half-focused on the conversation unfolding before her, the words blending together in a pleasant, almost melodic hum.
Her gaze wandered for a moment, eyes catching on Rafe. The way his smile lit up on his face, the way he looked at her, even from across the room, made her chest flutter, but in a way that felt hazy. Maybe it was the alcohol.
Maybe it’s him?
She wasn’t sure. But everything seemed just a little more intense, despite the slight fuzziness clouding her thoughts.
A grin tugged at Kelce's lips, and he straightened up, pulling a blunt from his blazer pocket with an almost practiced ease. He held it up casually, letting the group see it, a playful smirk dancing on his face.
“How about a little fresh air, some space to breathe?”
His gaze lingered on Y/N for a moment, a knowing smile tugging at the corners of his mouth,
“I’m feeling like the beach is calling my name.”
Rafe, still nursing his drink, glanced at the others, his gaze drifting back to Y/N, a bit of quiet time away from the buzz of the club felt like a good idea. He met Kelce’s eyes for a second before shrugging.
“Couldn’t hurt,” he said. Kelce, sensing he was starting to win the group over, gave a knowing nod and flicked the blunt again.
“Exactly. So, what do you say? Beach, fresh air, good company—
“I’m down” Cooper spoke out as he stood up from his seat, Topper nodding along in agreement. Y/N hesitated for a second, but the thought of the beach, the quiet, cool night air felt tempting. She finally nodded, her lips curving into a small smile.
“Why not?”
She glanced at the group, who were already starting to make their way toward the door, then back at her mom. She wasn’t sure how long they'd be gone, and she didn’t want to leave her mom completely unaware of her whereabouts. The girl took a deep breath and made her way back to the bar, where her mother was still chatting away with a few friends, her laughter ringing out louder than it should have.
"Hey, Mom," Y/N said, leaning in close, tapping her lightly on the shoulder.
Her mother turned toward her, blinking as if surprised to see her daughter standing there. A wide grin spread across her face, and she let out a small giggle. “Oh! Hi sweet girl," she slurred lightly, “You havin’ fun?”
Y/N smiled, already feeling that familiar warmth spreading through her at her mother’s carefree attitude.
“Yeah, gonna head to the beach with the others... get some fresh air.”
Her mom squinted at her for a moment, still a little disoriented but clearly not at all concerned. She waved her hand dismissively,
“Oh honey, that’s fine, go, go... fresh air is good. Go. Have fun." She paused before pulling her daughter into a quick, tight hug. Y/N squeezed her mom back, her heart a little lighter.
“I will. Love you,” she said, stepping back. Her mom waved her off with a lazy grin, already turning back to her conversation.
"Love you too, baby!"
Her heart clenched slightly, her mother was only ever that way when she was drunk, and she wished it was more often that she got to see her like that. The drunken version of her mom- full of giggles, playfulness and affection- was a rare sight, one that always disappeared by morning. Y/N turned and walked back toward the group, as much as she loved her mom, as much as she appreciated everything she did, there was always a part of her that wished she could hold onto this lighter version of her just a little longer, that maybe one day she could see it without the help of alcohol or the haze of exhaustion. She turned back toward the door, catching up with the group stepping outside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She walked a little further toward the back of the club, the sound of her footsteps soft against the path leading to the beach. Her eyes caught sight of the others already moving down the sandy shore, their figures distant in the night, laughing, talking, stumbling around, but someone was waiting for her by the edge of the club’s back entrance. Rafe leaned casually against the brick wall,
“You makin me wait, huh?”
Rafe teased lightly, raising an eyebrow as she stopped in front of him, the faintest hint of a smile tugging at his lips. The tensions of the early evening seemed to wash away, he couldn't tell if it was from the alcohol he’d drank over the night or if it was the girls presence, she seemed to put him at ease in a way.
Y/N smiled, feeling a little self-conscious as she glanced at him. “I had to tell mom where I was going,” she said, a slight shrug. “You know how it is.” Rafe’s smile softened just a little, his eyes flickering over her. “Yeah, I get it.”
As they stepped away from the club, the noise and lights faded behind them, leaving just the quiet hum of the ocean and the soft rustle of the wind through the trees. The beach stretched out before them, waves lapping gently at the shore. Rafe was moving ahead of her, his stride confident, hands tucked into his pockets. He glanced over his shoulder, catching sight of her slowing down a little, her heels sinking into the sand with every step. He smirked, clearly noticing the struggle, but there was a softness in his eyes that made it seem more endearing than anything else. Y/N sighed, shifting her weight to one foot as she tried to pull her heel free from the stubborn sand.
“Great”
She muttered under her breath, her gaze on the ground as she wiggled her foot, trying to free herself from the sinking trap. The sand wasn’t ideal, shifting beneath her with every movement, and the heels she wore weren’t exactly beach-appropriate. Rafe took a few steps back toward her, his grin wide but his expression amused.
“Need a hand, princess?”
He teased, the nickname slipping from his lips, she rolled her eyes but couldn’t help the small smile tugging at her lips.
"I’ve got it,"
She said, trying to sound determined, but the truth was, the more she tried to pull her foot free, the more stuck she seemed to get. Before Y/N could respond, or even protest, Rafe’s strong arms slipped around her waist. With one swift motion, he lifted her effortlessly, pulling her off the ground and into his arms in a bridal hold.
Y/N let out a surprised hum, her breath catching at the suddenness of it. She instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck to steady herself, her heart skipping a beat as the world shifted.
That was unexpected
“What—Rafe?” she exclaimed, voice catching with a mix of shock and something else she couldn’t quite identify. The surprise was quickly replaced with a strange sense of comfort, the boy shot her a teasing grin, his arms strong around her as he held her securely,
"You didn’t think I’d leave you stranded in the sand, did you?"
Y/N blinked up at him, still a little stunned. Her voice came out slightly breathless as she muttered,
"You better not drop me."
His smirk deepened, and without missing a beat, he glanced down at her with that same playful gleam in his eyes.
"Drop you?"
He repeated, as though considering it. Then, just as Y/N was about to give him a skeptical look, he slackened his grip just slightly, as though he was going to drop her entirely. Y/N’s eyes widened.
"Rafe!"
She squealed, her hands instinctively tightening around his neck, pulling herself toward him. The sudden shift in weight had her clinging to him tighter, her heart skipping a beat as she could feel the way he was teasing her.
Oh my fucking go-
"Don’t you dare!"
"Gotcha,"
he laughed, lifting her back up his grip firm again as he steadied her. Rafe’s grin only deepened as she clinged onto him.
"Yeah, well, you’ve got a death grip on me now," He teased, his lips almost brushing against her ear as he spoke. "Maybe next time, I’ll actually drop you.” Y/N rolled her eyes, but the smile on her face was undeniable.
“I’ll remember that,” she said, but the words came out softer than she meant. As the others came into view, Kelce, Cooper, and Topper all gathered in a loose circle, passing something between them, Rafe slowed his pace.
"Alright, princess," he murmured with a small, amused smile, "this is where I put you down."
How about you don't?
Where did that come from-
Y/N, still nestled in his arms, raised an eyebrow. "Oh? You mean you’re done showing off?"
Rafe's grin softened just slightly,
"Something like that."
With a small chuckle, he gently lowered her feet to the sand, his hands lingering on her waist for just a moment longer than necessary, like he didn’t quite want to let go. Y/N felt a slight chill from being on her own two feet again, but the warmth from his touch lingered. Rafe’s gaze flicked up to the group as they passed the blunt around. Kelce was the first to wave them over with a grin.
“Took you long enough, you guys finally fuck or what?” He said, his tone light and teasing, his eyes already hazy from whatever it was they'd been smoking.
“You wish,” Y/n spoke back as she flicked her middle finger up at him. She glanced at the blunt in Kelce’s hand,
"Thanks for sharing,"
she said, her voice casual, though there was a slight challenge in her tone as she reached out for the blunt taking it from Kelce. Holding the blunt, she exhaled a soft laugh before bringing it to her lips. She took a slow drag eyes fluttering close, feeling the familiar, slightly heady warmth settle in her chest as she held the smoke in her lungs for a second before releasing it into the night air.
Kelce grinned, watching her. "That’s what I like to see," he said with a wink, before reaching for it again.
Y/N passed it off to him, the buzz from the first drag already making her feel a little lighter. She turned her attention to Rafe, who was watching her with a slightly amused, almost thoughtful expression. His gaze that lingered just a moment too long.
“See I can handle myself,” she teased, nudging him with her shoulder as she leaned back against the sand.
"No need to carry me around like a princess all night."
Rafe chuckled, shaking his head, but there was something almost protective in his demeanour as he shifted closer, taking a seat next to her.
"I’ll carry you whenever I feel like it," he said with a shrug, his grin returning. "Besides, I think you secretly liked it."
Y/N rolled her eyes and she gave him a small smile.
“Maybe. But don’t get used to it.”
The night had stretched into a lazy, hazy blur, the joint passed around clouding any coherent thoughts. The group was lost in their high now, their conversation drifting like the smoke in the air. The beach was quiet, save for the soft sound of waves crashing against the shore, and the occasional laughter that spilled from one of them, the sound of the party behind them occasionally breaking the calmness. Y/n, thoroughly buzzed from the weed and the champagne, was nestled against Rafe, her body leaning into him seeking his warmth. He was resting on his elbows, his posture relaxed, his gaze shifting between the distant shore and the girl every now and then; the sea breeze tousled his hair slightly, but he didn’t seem to mind, his usual tension gone.
The girl, on the other hand, was practically vibrating with laughter. Everything seemed funny to her- Topper’s latest comment, the random thoughts floating through her mind, even the way the sand beneath her seemed to shift with every movement she made. Her giggles were light and contagious, Rafe’s eyes flickered down at her, the corners of his mouth curving into a small smile.
Her fingers, wobbly, were fiddling with the buttons of his shirt, moving from one to the next as though they were the most fascinating things in the world. His shirt was loose, the fabric stretching slightly as she moved her fingers, Rafe felt a light tension coil in his chest. He couldn’t quite explain it, maybe it was the way her fingers traced his shirt, or the sound of her voice when she spoke.
He didn’t pull away, though. Instead, he let her keep fidgeting with his shirt, his focus shifting back and forth between her and the sound of Kelce and Topper laughing as they waded through the waves. They had made their way to the edge of the water to cool off, their carefree chatter and occasional splashes rising over the sound of the ocean.
Y/n shifted, her fingers brushing under one of the buttons on his shirt again, causing her hand to graze his skin. The brief contact made Rafe’s breath catch slightly, and his body went rigid for a split second, though he did his best to mask it.
So warm
“Stop fidgeting with my shirt,” he said lightly, though there was no edge to his tone, just a quiet humour in his voice. The girl looked up at him then, her lips curled into a, playful smile.
“I can’t help it,” she replied, her voice teasing, her eyes twinkling with a mix of mischief and warmth. “I’m bored…” She whined. Rafe chuckled, his gaze flicking between her and the others in the distance before he let his eyes rest back on her.
“Bored, huh?” he repeated, leaning just a little closer, the warmth of his body mixing with hers.
“Maybe I could entertain you...”
There was a pause, a charged silence hanging between them. Rafe’s words were a playful invitation, but his tone had shifted ever so slightly, an underlying edge of something more subtle in between them. His gaze softened as he looked down at her, his eyes lingering on her lips for just a moment before snapping back to her eyes.
Y/n didn’t seem to notice the shift, her giggles still bubbling from her chest, softening as her breath caught, fingers pausing on his shirt, her hand resting lightly against his chest for a brief second.
“Maybe you should,” she said, her voice a little dreamy.
Her heart was racing, thoughts a little jumbled from the joint she'd kept bringing back to her lips, she cursed herself for her lack of self restraint. She could still feel the heat of Rafe’s body beside hers, his arm brushing against hers as he shifted, his eyes never left hers, and the soft amusement in his gaze now mixed with something more intense, more uncertain.
Don't do it-
But what's the harm?
Her fingers trailed up to the top of his shirt, her eyes looking at the black bowtie done up under his neck, her finger looped around the material loosening slightly, watching as it falls around his neck. Her teeth bite at her bottom lip as she pops open his top button, trailing down to the next two opening up the material, his skin now exposed to the cool sea air, her breath hitched but she didn’t pull away. Instead, she leaned in just a little, her lips barely grazing the skin of his jaw. The move was slow, almost hesitant, but it was enough to make Rafe’s eyes narrow just slightly. He seemed to hold his breath for a moment, as if he was waiting for her to make the next move.
His hand, without thinking, shifted a little closer to her. His fingers brushed lightly against her side, a soft touch that sent a jolt through her. As she pulled away from his jaw slightly, her breath shallow, Rafe could see the flush spreading across her cheeks. Her lips were slightly parted, her pupils dilated, the hint of glassiness in her eyes betraying the effects of the drug. The subtle tremor in her fingers as she rested them on his chest didn't go unnoticed, and neither did the way her gaze wavered—she was there, but not entirely there.
Rafe’s heart pounded in his chest as he watched her, the air between them thick with an electric tension. She seemed so close, so present- but at the same time, there was a layer of fog surrounding her that made him pause. The way she looked at him, her eyes soft but unfocused, her body language so open and trusting… it created an urge within him, something that made him want to pull her in.
But the longer he looked at the girl, he came to terms with what was going on and his stomach tightened slightly. This wasn't right.
She's high you gotta stop
It wasn’t that he didn’t want her, God, he wanted her more than he could put into words—but in that moment, he saw the vulnerability in her that he hadn't before. The haze in her eyes, the way she was almost floating in her own thoughts, disconnected from the world around her. He could see the haze in her expression, the slight confusion, the softness in her gaze that wasn’t entirely hers. She wasn’t fully present. She wasn’t fully aware of what was going on, not the way he needed her to be.
His hand hovered at her waist, but he didn’t pull her closer now. He couldn’t. He was aware- too aware of what this moment would mean if he crossed that line without her consciousness.
He wasn’t that guy. He never would be.
Her fingers brushed his chest again, but this time, he didn’t respond the way he normally would. His eyes took in the way she looked up at him, her breath still shallow, the lightness in her smile tugging at his heart.
He exhaled, fighting the urge to pull her in, his heart beating louder with every passing second. She deserved more than this, she deserved clarity, not confusion. He could already see the trust in her eyes, an unspoken invitation in the way she looked at him, but it wasn’t real- not in the way it should be.
“Y/N,”
Rafe said quietly, his voice steady but with a hint of concern. He reached up, his hand brushing her hair away from her face as his thumb gently stroked her cheek.
“Don’t think this is a good time princess” His words were soft, but they held a weight. She blinked slowly, her expression still dreamy, and for a moment, Rafe couldn’t tell if she’d even heard him. But her lips parted, her eyes narrowing slightly as if trying to focus.
“Why not Rafey,” she mumbled, words slower than usual, the lack of clarity in her voice made his chest at her vulnerability.
So fucking stubborn
He could feel the tension building again, the desperate longing inside him clawing at his chest. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to pull her into him and lose himself in her. But something inside him, a voice that was louder than his impulses, told him to stop. He was starting to realise why she only smoked when he was around, he didn’t want to imaginer like this, so innocent and trusting at a party by herself, surrounded by people she didn’t know.
The thought made him nauseous.
He leaned back, his gaze holding hers, steady, but with an edge of hesitation.
“Not like this,” he said softly, almost to himself, but loud enough for her to hear. She tilted her head in confusion, her lips pursing as if trying to understand, but Rafe shook his head slightly. He could wait. He could wait until she was fully aware, he wouldn’t take advantage of her- he couldn’t- he'd never even think of it.
“Y/N, look at me,”
he whispered, reaching out gently to hold her face, his thumb grazing her soft skin. “I’m not going anywhere. But I’m not doing this with you like this.”
For a moment, there was only the sound of the waves and the distant laughter of the others in the background, and then, finally, she nodded, her expression soft, a slight pout tugging at her lips. She was still out of it, but she understood the sincerity in his voice, and it made something flutter in his chest.
With a sigh, Rafe pulled back just slightly, releasing his hold on her but keeping his gaze on her face, his heart still hammering in his chest. She didn’t say anything more instead she leaned into him ever so slightly, head resting on his shoulder, just enough to let him know she wasn’t pulling away, but she was still there, still trusting him.
And that was all he needed.
The boy took in a slow breath, then dropped his hand back to his side. He could feel the pull, the heat, the temptation to kiss her, but he resisted, allowing the silence to settle between them.
She's won't remember any of this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As Rafe pulled outside the girls house, the soft hum of the engine and Y/n’s occasional delayed mumble of the song lyrics playing were the only sound between them, the night air seemed thicker now, charged with something unspoken. The glow of the streetlights flickered over the girl's face, catching the soft curve of her jaw, the faint flush still lingering on her cheeks. He had barely said a word to her since the conversation on the beach, unsure of what to say, his mind still buzzing from the way things had shifted and he knew she hadn't noticed, too preoccupied in her own little world.
He's got a nice nose
You know what they say about big noses-
Girl shut the fuck up
The car slowed to a stop in front of her house, but neither of them moved immediately. He kept his hands firmly on the wheel, trying to calm the sudden pressure that had started to coil in his chest. Every little shift of her body, every soft breath she took, seemed emphasise in the silence between them. Y/N didn’t seem in any hurry to get out, her fingers fiddling with the slit of her dress as she looked out the window, exposing her thigh to the air of the car. She leaned just a little closer,
“Thanks for bringing me back,”
she said softly, her voice sweet and laced with a quiet giggle that clung to the walls of the car. He nodded, his throat tight, trying to keep his composure.
“Of course. You okay?”
He asked, though he noticed the way her fingers were now tracing the fabric of his seat, the way her gaze lingered on him a little too long. She turned to face him, her lips pulling into a playful, almost mischievous smile.
“Yeah, I’m good,” she said, her voice insistent, as if she were trying to convince herself. She leaned toward him just slightly, her shoulder brushing against his arm as she shifted closer. Rafe felt the heat rising in his body, a surge of something he was desperately trying to control. She was still so touchy, so close. Her hand, which had been absentmindedly resting on her lap, now slid to his arm, her fingers lightly brushing his shirt, making his pulse hitch.
The light touch sent a spark through him, one that made him clench his jaw. He had to remind himself that she wasn’t fully in control of her actions, but it didn’t make it any easier. His muscles tensed as her fingers lingered for just a second too long on his forearm before slowly tracing up his sleeve. The soft caress sent an undeniable shiver through him, one that made it harder to concentrate.
He swallowed hard, his grip on the steering wheel tightening as her fingers trailed up to his shoulder, her palm resting against the side of his neck. It was too much—too much of her, too much softness in her touch, too much of the way she was looking at him like she wanted more. Her gaze, still slightly unfocused, held a curiosity, a gentleness that was intoxicating. She pushed herself slightly closer to him over the centre console, her dress dragging down slightly, the v-neck exposing her skin to him, the low cut revealing more of her chest than he was expecting.
"Rafe..." Her voice was barely a whisper now, like she was testing his name on her lips, her fingers now slowly sliding over the side of his neck, her touch sending goosebumps across his skin. His jaw locked, his teeth grinding together as he fought the growing desire inside him.
“Y/N, stop,” he said through clenched teeth, his voice low and strained, but firm. He turned his head toward her, his gaze intense, trying to pull her back into reality.
“Need to go home yeah? You’re not yourself right now.”
Don't wanna go home want you
She didn’t seem to hear him- or maybe she didn’t care, he couldn't tell. Her hand slid around to the back of his neck, her fingers brushing the nape of his hair, it almost made his resolve crumble. He forced himself to meet her gaze, but his heart was hammering in his chest, and he was so aware of the way her body was leaning closer, the heat radiating off her.
She smiled up at him, leaning in, her lips brushing against his neck in a soft, teasing kiss. “You’re so serious all the time,” she murmured, her breath warm against his skin.
“Why can’t you just relax?”
His whole body stiffened. His grip on the wheel tightened so much his knuckles went white. He tried to focus on anything but the way her lips lingered near his neck, the way her breath caressed his skin, how close she was.
“Y/N, you need to get out of the car,” he said, his voice strained, the words slipping out before he could stop them.
“Go inside, I’m not going to do this with you, not when you’re not yourself.”
She pouted, her gaze flickering down to his lips and back up to his eyes. “You’re no fun...” she said with a playful giggle.
Rafe let out a long, slow breath, he didn’t want to hurt her feelings,
“C’mon princess” he said quietly, his tone more affectionate, yet still firm.
“Go inside for me, yeah? You’re not thinking clearly.”
She didn’t resist.
After a long beat, she finally pulled her hand away, glossy eyes looking at him as she pushed open the door. Before she stepped out, she turned back to look at him one last time, her smile still lingering but faint; she pushed herself back into the car and placed a soft kiss onto his cheek.
“Goodnight, Rafey.”
She whispered, her voice wavering and slightly off-balance. She wiggled her fingers at him in a wave before closing the door behind her, and Rafe watched as she staggered up to her front door, her steps a little less steady than usual. She fiddled with the doorhandle, and he debated whether he should get out and help her open the door. Somehow she managed to crack the door open, she turned back to him blowing him a kiss before closing the door behind her.
Once she was inside, Rafe sat there for a moment, his jaw still clenched, trying to shake the weight of everything that had just happened. Her touch had been too much and as much as he had tried to keep his distance, it didn’t matter because his body was betraying him.
He shifted uncomfortably in the seat, feeling the tightness of his slacks against him, and he swore under his breath. The pressure between his legs was undeniable, a constant reminder of how wrong it all was.
She's high.
AND she's not herself.
He dragged his hand through his hair again, frustration gnawing at him. He had to leave. But the thoughts came anyway- the image of her lips, the soft weight of her body against his, the way her smile made his chest tighten. He could feel the pressure building again, the ache in his body, and for a split second, he imagined what it would be like to pull her back into the car, to kiss her until she forgot everything except him. To hear her moan his name, to feel her hands on him the way they were on his neck...
Rafe’s breath hitched.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The boy's hands gripped the wheel tighter as he rolled into the driveway of Tannyhill, the tires crunching over the gravel as he parked the car in front of the empty house. The quiet of the night surrounded him, only the distant hum of a few streetlights and the rustling of leaves in the breeze breaking the stillness.
He sat in his car for a moment, head resting against the steering wheel eyes closed and jaw clenched tight as he tried to push away the memory and the feeling of her touch. He felt guilty, but he also couldn't shake the feeling of wanting more. His body was still trembling as he remembered the way she'd touched him, the way she'd looked up at him with hazy, glazed eyes. He shifted awkwardly in his seat, slacks straining against him.
A glimpse of pink catches the corner of his eye, Rafe’s gaze lingered on the pink jumper in the backseat, the soft fabric wrinkled from weeks of being tossed around in the car, yet it still carried the faint scent of her. His heart thudded in his chest, and he couldn’t help the surge of desire that bloomed inside him. The memory of her wearing it, her figure draped in the soft jumper, rushed back with vivid clarity.
He reached over slowly, almost as if he was afraid it would disappear if he moved too quickly. His fingers brushed against the fabric, and the sensation sent a small shiver down his spine. Grabbing the jumper, he lifted it from the backseat, holding it in his hands like it was something precious. The soft material felt almost too delicate against his skin, his breath caught in his throat as his mind wandered. He could almost feel her body against his again, the way her soft hands had pressed into him.
He let out a shaky breath, the air in the car feeling warmer than it had moments ago. His fingers traced the edge of the sleeve, the softness reminding him of the girl. Rafe’s grip on the jumper tightened, and his chest rose with a slow, deep breath as he brought the soft fabric up to his face. The scent of her hit him again- intoxicating and something uniquely Y/n that made his stomach flip. His eyes fluttered shut as he inhaled, the softness of the material pressing against his nose, his lips. The familiar scent settled deep inside him, and he couldn’t stop the grunt that slipped out, low and unguarded, his head tilted back against the seat.
His mind swirled with visions of her, of what could have happened, of how easily he could have pulled her back into the car; the heat between them had been undeniable- much too strong to ignore.
He could feel the burn in his chest, the low, insistent throb heavy between his legs.
Rafe’s jaw clenched as he pulled the jumper closer to his face again, breathing her in deeply, letting her scent consume him. His hand drifted down his body, fingers fiddling with his belt as he loosened it, the rattling of the metal buckle filling the car.
He lifted his hips up slightly, shaking hand slipping his trousers down past his hips just enough. His breath was harsh and ragged, his body burning, the feeling of her scent surrounding him; the memory of her touch still fresh in his mind, making him twitch with want, he groaned aloud as he wrapped the jumper around his hand, needing to feel the softness against him.
The jumper was wrapped around his hand in a tight, desperate grip as he moved it down to his crotch, palming himself slowly through the fabric, the friction making his breath come out in quick, uneven huffs.
He let out a low, moan his voice thick with need, but it wasn't enough, it wasn't what he really wanted.
In a hurried movement, he slid his hand inside his briefs, grasping his length, and began to stroke himself, eyes closed as he let out a guttural groan, his head falling back against the seat as his body responded to the touch of his hand and the soft material wrapped around it.
He imagined the girl in the passenger seat, her eyes heavy-lidded with desire, her lips parted in anticipation as she was moments before he’d told her to leave.
He swallowed harshly as he circled the tip of his throbbing cock, beads of pre-cum coating his thumb.
His mind flickered back to the golf course weeks ago, the girl on her knees in front of him, innocent doe eyes looking up. He pictured the night going differently, his sweet best-friend leaning over, her lips wrapping around the head of his cock, her tongue swirling and teasing his tip, cheeks hollowing around him. He let out a heavy breath at the image of the girl in his mind, his hand gripping himself tighter. He imagined his hands threading through her hair, pulling it up into a ponytail as her eyes fluttered shut, pushing his hips towards her, the girls nails dragging down his thighs as she gagged around him. Her whimpers and whines echoing in his mind, his hand, still holding the jumper trembled slightly as he pressed it harder against his face, as he thrusted himself up into his fist at the smell of her. Rafe's strokes grew faster, his breath coming out in short gasps, his hips bucking up into his hand frantically as he envisioned the girl pulling away from him, eyes teary and glazed over like they were tonight, looking up to him her mouth open for him awaiting, lips reddened and wet with her spit.
“Fuck y/n” he groaned shakily as the slick sounds filling the car came to a stop, warm ropes of cum landing over the soft pink material wrapped around his hand.
Rafe's heavy breaths filled the car, windows now fogged up. The boy sat there motionless looking down at the mess in his lap, mind reeling.
What the fu-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Please elaborate on carlandoscar.. I would love to hear your thoughts and I want to be convinced
Hello nonnie<3
God I have so much to say, like their dynamics just make so much sense??
First of all, just the absolute poetry that is their current stages of life. I don't know if that's the sentence you'd use to explain it, but. just listen:
Oscar- what might be
Lando- what is / what could be
Carlos- what could've been
Bc isn't that what they are.
We all know Oscar is championship material; he's got the mentality, and his racecraft and understanding of the car just gets better, especially considering the fact that it's literally his second year in F1.
Lando is the one who is, right now. He very nearly got his first championship this year, and he's just getting better. I've also written 'could be' mostly bc of the fact he still isn't a champion yet, but even with all my mclaren haterism, I do know it's a very realistic possibility.
Carlos, on the other hand, is all spent potential. Not necessarily wasted potential, bc I do feel he made a name for himself, but he's spent all his potential in teams that never gave him a proper chance to compete. Like with Renault and Mclaren it was the car, and with Ferrari it was the car AND the team's clear show of favour (not said in like a bad way, more so in a sad way). And obv torro rosso was smthng else.
So, just. The combination of these 3 different stages is so compelling to me.
Next, we have their relationships with each other.
With Lando and Carlos and all their history, as well as them still being so close with each other, while Oscar and Carlos are always making snide remarks about one another. Except. Then you have Carlos calling them 'magnets' and Oscar only speaking up when Carlos does smthng small on track, and suddenly. They're giving each other fist bumps. They're smiling at each other when their eyes lock. They're following each other on instagram. And they're talking.
And ofc, you also just have Lando and Oscar. Lando, who will take any chance he has to tease Oscar. And Oscar, who will keel over and die with laughter at anything remotely funny, Lando says. Lando, who gave oscar his Sprint win without even being asked. Oscar, who's followed team orders with no complaints to make sure Lando stayed in championship contention.
They're just so perfectly intertwined.
Now, on to my more rpf thoughts.
I honestly fully believe that while Lando and Carlos have been friends for much longer, Oscar and Carlos would get together first. I can totally see both of them being forcefully/coincidentally put into situations where there is no choice but for them to talk. Over time, I think they just start to enjoy it. Like first, they feel genuine irritation with each other over their stupid arguments. Now, they're having fun. They like getting on to each others nerves. It becomes a sort of game.
This just keeps happening until one day they take it too far, stumble into uncharted territory, then stumble into each other, and then just stumble into bed together. Come morning, Oscar is waking up to the smell of freshly made pancakes, and him and Carlos are arguing about toppings and, well. It just feels natural. It clicks. They're together now, and neither of them even has to say it bc the other one just knows.
Lando is much more complicated. Honestly, I think he'd have a whole crisis about it. First, he'd go thru the 'wait, am I G-A-Y???' breakdown during his F2 years. Then, he'd go thru the 'ohmygod I LIKE CARLOS?!?' breakdown midway thru their second year together in Mclaren. And I can totally imagine him having his, 'wait why do I think Oscar is cute and why am I still not over Carlos why is this happening to me.' breakdown during the summer break after Oscar's first year.
Honestly, I've already written way too much now😭 if yall are still interested and wanna know how I think Lando gets with them just leave me an ask and I'll respond to that bc this is WAY to long. And if you're interested in their relationship/bedroom dynamics, then feel free to ask abt that too bc I have put MUCH thought behind it😭😭😭
Anyway, I hope this convinced you at least a little bit nonnie<3
#nep's inbox🪐#yh i got wayyy too carried away😭#formula 1#formula one#carlandoscar#carlando#landoscar#carlos sainz jr#oscar piastri#lando norris#f1
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IE villains's motivations through the games/seasons :
Franck Wintersea : "I am just a coward who fear for his life. I didn't wanted to be involved into those soccer shits in the first place"
Ray Dark : "soccer brought shame on my father and me by proxy. I grew bitter about it, and now i am evil"
Astram Schiller : "I'm blinded by the sadness of loss of my son, killed by someone unknown that wasn't punished for this therefore. The world must suffer for this injustice"
Wyles : "I am an opportunist. I saw I could become powerful while my boss was falling, I didn't hesitate seizing it"
Zoolan Rice : "your misery increases my money"
5th sector : "our goal is to establish communism into middleschool soccer, so that every child can taste success at least once"
Protocol Omega : "by erasing soccer through History, we prevent the existence of the most powerful terrorist organization in our time"
Nugen : "we didn't chose to be mutants with superpower, the adults chose to treat us like monsters"
Ixal Fleet : "Faram Orbius destroyed our planet. We want reperation"
Scale of Ares guy (i forgot his name) : "i plan to make some gifted children the ultimate supersoldiers at my command"
Orion Foundation : "we are a philanthropic organization that only longs to make the world a better place. But in the process, some evil will be necessary"
#Inazuma Eleven#IE villains#Or rather#What i understood of them#(I didn't watch IE since a while and didn't watch Go at all but i have a general idea of what it's about)#(Don't hesitate to correct me of i am wrong)#Starting the Go era I am not naming one guy in particular anymore but corporate#while writing this#I realized that in OG era had more egoist and personal motivations#While in GO era the evil is done collectively by a group of people in a hive#They also hide more behind a altruist goal#so either people in those organizations feels like they are doing good and don't think themselves as evil#Or they are just looking for justice to be given to them#They are some characters in those who come to mind easily#But they are only doing evil in the name of whatever they are working for#I just wanted to point out this difference is interesting#I am not saying the GO villains are better than OG's or that OG's are more iconic#I just wanna show they are written differently#Post i wrote in the middle of the night instead of sleeping#Abuse of tags
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tshirt that says NO LIVE ORGANISM CAN CONTINUE FOR LONG TO EXIST SANELY UNDER CONDITIONS OF ABSOLUTE REALITY
#i literally JUST finished hill house a few days ago and i already want to reread. Badly. it's sooo so so soo sooooooooo good <33333!!!!!#also completely enamored by shirley jackson's writing style i NEED to read everything she has written ever like right now..#opening lines of ALL TIME btw 👆❗❗❗#r.txt#the haunting of hill house#ALSO i've seen commentary videos on the tv show they made of hill house but from what i remember of it it's SO different from the book???#i think they were all siblings in the show which is??????? like why would you change that part?? i love sibling relationships as much as the#next guy but i feel like the fact that none of them knew each other was such an essential part of the story like why would u change it....#also eleanor was like. an entirely different character who was also already dead in the show i believe??? and dr. montague doesn't exist??#hill house could've been really good as a show idk why they changed it up like that...like was the original story not interesting enough for#you or something?? WHO decided to make that change i just wanna talk 🤨
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Girl, I'm so sorry, but if you he really was gonna tell her he loved her before Argyle interrupted them, I would not want somebody to say to me
"I guess, I just, I don't know, I guess I just wanted to say that I love you."
You guess you love me? What, you don't know? Be sure then come back to me.
#stranger things#byler#anti milkvan#and for a girl who (though she is doing better now he doesn't know that) last picked out the word 'care' out of a convo about something els#'you guess? you don't know?' mighta happened with a 4x03 el#as i've said#if they're endgame they deserved better#beautiful friendship#i just rewatched the sauna test and their protectiveness over each other throughout that scene is amazing#the 'don't you touch her' 'don't you touch him' mutual back and forth energy is amazing#beautifully written friendship and relationship#but goddamn girl they deserved a better romance than 'i wanted you to know that i love you in case you die' and 'i guess- idk- i wanted to#ay that i love you' and 'you heard me say i love you? uhhhh don'trememberthatatallsorry'#and 'a friend and crush are different because...uhm...ugh ok i'll just show you'#the best they got was 'you look beautiful' 'i don't [know how to dance] either. wanna figure it out?' and never better romance than that#everything else is either friendship or they deserved better
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i forgot grunt meant like henchman or whatever for a second i thought they were like yeah leonas bitch ass grunts and growls are partial proof to savanaclaw being an athletic leaning dorm lol
#well they also say that in the game not just the manga jkdlfhsdkl like in azuls union bday card#ace was like oh yeah ok you dont wanna be in savanaclaw cause theyre more athletic oriented right#and azul was like NO IM TALKING ABOUT THE SUN SHUT UP!!! jsdklfhsdklfj#anyway i was on the wiki cuz i was trying to remember what their dorm's trait thing is like according to the mirror but i DONT SEE IT.#i rememeber i get it confused with pomesiores . like i think one of theirs is tenacity . but idr which one LOL#the other is maybe endurance...????#that doesnt sound right. i feel like it was broader than that#WAIT I LIED IT DOES SAY IT AT THE TOP i just. missed that part. it IS tenacity lol#what the fuck was pomefiore then....#oh ya theirs according to the wiki is UNRELENTING EFFORTS which i think i did see sometimes written as like endurance or fortitude or smthn#anyway. savanaclaw and pomefiore's ~core value~ always felt similar to me. but also maybe i just dont know what words mean <3#not in a 'theyre too similar' way like i do think theyre different. i just think it's INCH RESTING when things r like#theyre similar. theres overlap. but theres enough distinction to put them apart#actually them being similar in some regards does feel reinforced by the rook hunt situation like he went from one to the other#and seems to be thriving regardless.... we're onto something here...#hmm what were the others.. i think heartslabyul was strictness...#ok the wiki says severity i think ive seen either eng or a translation that called it strictness lol but severity i feel like is maybe#better word choice.. just a lil... nuances nuances whatever anyway idr the others. actually wait no i know octavinelles is like#benevolence bc azul keeps mentioning it- the wiki says compassion. lol. idk if i just keep remembering close enough or like#remembering fan vs official tls. i think the wiki is doing its own direct tl and not engtwst but moving ON#scarabia is deliberation... ignihyde is diligence... diasomnia is elegance???#why is diasomnia the only one that didnt sound familiar At All LOL i dont REMEMBER THAT ONE#i remembered vaguely what scarabia was bc they make a point of mentioning it in like end of 4 or start of 5?#when they were like yeah we value foresight or w/e in scarabia so jamil hasnt been ousted right away. i like scarabia their#way of showing the different ways deliberation works with like jamil vs how it does in kaliim vs the npcs#like theyre all different ppl but still fit that criteria in their own unique ways.... hell yeah...#anyway yay i got ONE right on the nose [as the wiki has it listed anyway lol] thanks savanaclaw
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I have. Three or so different drawing projects that i want to do all at the same time. I have: four separate characters for my httyd/the deep crossover to make design sheets out of (so, two or three separate sheets since I tend to double characters up for the sheets, but one of the characters is Nereus who has two designs, and will also come with an explanation about the Guardians and what they’re doing, so he might be his own post). Some next gen doodles of character dynamics between the different sets of kiddos. A little goofy reference sheet for the adult versions of Ant, Fontaine, Finn, and Madeline that I have in my head, and what they’re like as the parents of aforementioned goober next gen kiddos. And marie-12205’s Night Fury!Nekton stuff is reminding me of my own Night Fury!Nekton thing I did way back in the day (i say as if I’m not one of the youngest iterations of adult there could be) and now I wanna share about that too. Suffice to say, I’m not getting ANY writing done ANY time soon
#i am clearly a ‘the deep’ fan#i am also very clearly a httyd fan#i am writing a crossover fanfic between the two shows#i have ABSOLUTELY done Night Fury Nektons#its just. slightly (drastically) different than what marie-12205 has got going#and now I kinda wanna refurbish and polish it#but i have SO MANY other projects going on#(i say that last thing like that’s ever stopped me before)#but at least my drawing juices are flowing!#(not my writing juices though. i fixed stuff that needed fixed in the chapters i already had written)#(hit the chapter i am still currently on. and immediately switched to somethign else cause i couldn’t think of anything)#i am hoping that once the drawing craze dies down#the creativity needed for writing a zippleback psychologically tormenting ten teenagers will have room to come in#the deep 2015#the deep cartoon#sooo many projects
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codecicle you put things on my screen that are so confusing and have no relevance to my interests but its you so i find it so very endearing. keep having so much fun and whimsy on tumblr dot com child :3
you have GOT to get on this horrible TV show dude you don't even understand. it's bad and has 0 redeemable qualities, literally my bread and butter rn. can't get enough of it
#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍#we have mail :]#you wanna watch house md. its sexist and racist and ableist and its written poorly and every episode makes you feel insane#its literally SOOO fucking good dude#im having fun and whimsy. my stupid little medical drama#this is so much more fun than greys anatomy. the romances are all psycho-competitive relationships#where they come up with new and interesting ways of gay sex. such as: bickering about diagnosis#and: looking a doctor in the eyes and telling him the different ways sex can kill a person#that scene wont leave my brain dude.#she just starts listing the different muscles you work out when having sex to him. at one point#after its already explained he looks at her and sees her professionally. but also cant get fucking her off his mind#she starts cornering him and explaining that core muscles are used. you feel like youre running a marathon#WHILE MAINTAINING EYE CONTACT. they dont even need 2 have sex shes gonna kill him just with the medical description#anyway i ❤️ house md. stereotypical pipeline from mcyt to this fuckin show man#/r ctntduo is exactly the same as every 'couple' in this show#<- couple in parenthesis. im not far enough 4 them 2 actually be together#and also whatevers wrong with them is MUCH funnier than romance
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getting into ben 10 is so sad bc I binge the entire OS and am like wow cant wait for more and then every other series doesnt have the things I liked about OS and even casual fans online say that 10yo Ben's character in OS is more compelling than all the others but theres barely any of him after OS
#how did that episode in ultimate alien when it brought back 10yo ben make him 10 times more compelling#but only his 10yo self and not his current self in the show#but fr it was so sad learning that they immediately jumped straight to a 5 year timeskip after OS#plus artstule change plus recast plus major personality shift plus redesign#like looking at alien force ben next to OS ben idk who the hell that is bc thats not ben#its fine like im chill with just being neutral/uninterested in the later series and just sticking with OS#thats the power of fandom#i dislike his omniverse characterization but that doesnt mean i dont love rook#and i wont stick him into OS as a self indulgent au#theres also multiple things i like about the later series for sure tho like#1 rook like i just said but also#ben and gwens relationship. i love that they didnt play around with them in AF#and doom dimension likeee#i dont like how theyre written in AF and UA but that stuff is bomb#i think it all boils down to me wishing the show didnt feel split up in eras with different versions of the characters#and it was more linear#like instead of instant 5 year timeskip it was like. now ben and gwen are 11 or 12. maybe even 13#it shows more development that isnt just a huge jump from 0 to 100#ben getting more mature is the natural progression of his character but also#its the fact that they gave him major development in OS then changed everybody so jarringly they didnt even feel like the same characters#like theres a reason OS ben is the most compelling#it should have been more linear close together and less broken up in my opinion#pandas.txt#they just made ben look so normal and boring in most of the clips ive seen in the later series#plus not even feeling like the same guy#maybe ill try and watch the reboot#it rlly is chill tho bc im fine with just liking OS its a great show#anything i wanted to see i can just think of in my head myself and now i have a bunch of stuff to play around with#once i get more into it#bc this show is so fun and great and i love it i rlly do wanna stick with it
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Sorry for not posting that much on here! Life is getting in my head right now and has affected my obsession with this show. Don't get me wrong, I still am very obsessed! But it's just taking a little pause at the moment. So much has happened, nothing really good, which is so fun.
This blog ain't go nowhere! Just burnt out, I guess? I promise I'll get to the rest of my marathon... eventually, I don’t wanna force it. It was just terrible timing overall.
Anyways, I'll be around, posting or rebloging! You can still ask me things or talk (but I might take a bit to answer, sorry).
Have a good day/goodnight y'all!
#el speaks#I feel like everyone in this little fandom might be taking a break/are burnt out too or I'm wrong#posting this because I didn't wanna scare or worry anyone about my absence#especially since thecorbah vanished#I hope they're doing alright#doesn't help that a different obsession has taken me...#it's just been difficult to enjoy many things at the moment#I've been trying to let myself breathe after everything but mire things keep happening#maybe I just go back and watch the show without trying to write about it#it's not like I don't like to write (I literally just finished the longest thing I've written in years)#I feel like I'm pressuring myself to say something but I do wanna say things but I feel like it comes off as annoying#sorry I just have a lot on my mind#anyways look at this pick of Larry/Otis!
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hhhh talking about my writing was fun but 30 tags is not enough.. yes i have 3 major influences but i have minor ones too.. it is a lovechild of my favorite things.. writing is so fun and i have no self control or a concept of pacing myself i will sit there for 16 hours and get hit with every status effect but by god does it all just flow out of me. I've always been a music person yes but i also used to write a lot into early adulthood until The Incident™
but i am ready 2 jump back into it. i think comics are a great middle ground between the two mediums so i don't get As into writing bc i kind of started going crazy last time 🫡 i can take a more structured approach to it that forces me to pace myself and think about it differently. i love art.... i love making things i love knowing how to do things i love knowing how to play things i love having so many creative outlets, even if i don't do a lot of them regularly lol. it is enriching 😳 and nice to know that it's always there to come back to when u want.
#if u want the tea my imagination at the time was like i could space out and straight up just be another person POV doing every little#thing as if i were them for hours and the experience would come together without having to even think about it.#different times/places/contexts/conversations etc. forced 2 to to my mom's lil cult meetings for 2 hours twice a week#i would opt to do these imagination exercises instead to rly put myself in a character's perspective. every step‚ stumble‚#riding in a carriage together for the entirety from point A to B etc. WELL i was working on a horror anthology somewhere 18/19#(that had a small local following 🫶🏾) and it its concept was like the Twilight zone but a lot darker. it was called interdimensional#and the main recurring character never actually shows up in the story. they r an omnipresent god of death who exists everywhere but#exists outside of our realm‚ and it picks random people to reveal itself to as a symbol. it can be apparent or just in passing that#the entry's MC sees it in‚ it will appear on something somewhere and once it's brought up it's a cue to the reader that this person#has just been sent to an alternate reality that leads towards their inevitable death. for the character nothing ever changes immediately#but the different starts to creep its way in‚ as does death's approach at its crescendo but the path's i took to get there were 😨#and after enough entries i started to see the symbol irl and hallucinate some other stuff from my stories and it really scared me#and made me stop 🫡 but i think in retrospect i just went too hard on the imagination exercises and wished i tried cultivating it instead#give myself time to settle and get in control.. but alas‚ she has not written seriously since. to this day it still flows out of me if#i just sit down to do it‚ but i don't think I'm at risk of something like that happening again anymore :3 so yeah ♡ i am learning how to#draw and trying not 2 force it bc i want it to b fun as a little journey for me and i look forward to the day i can come back to actively#writing again too 🫶🏾 i miss it but i also want to b able to draw ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა#learn the hard thing first then do the stuff that comes naturally.... i also want to get back into music sometime but clearly i got a lot of#other stuff to work on 💀 i burnt myself out on it learning too many things and not having enough fun with it anymore‚#but i have a better healthier with art these days and i know it'll be great to come back to when I'm ready 😌💕#i have been considering getting an acoustic or bass guitar tho 🧐 the beauty of physical instruments.. they're just there ready 2 go..#I've been doing mostly digital the past few years‚ when i was making music. it was also rly hard to when i was w my ex ૮ – ﻌ–ა#that's a whole other rant lol. but ugh digital is like u gotta set it up u gotta make space and then u gotta be in one spot the whole time#i just wanna lay in bed and vibe or something yfm.. walk around maybe idk. do something less structured.#maybe.. hm. hmmm 🧐#I'm going to guitar center lol c ya ✌🏾 getting a bass and amp and maybe a guitar too depending on the price
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lemme tell you im starting to get a little sick of when im complaining about when a show or movie is writing a major female character with not as much depth as her male cohorts or she's written oddly plot device-like for a main character and people always tell me "oh but it's intentional, we're seeing her through the eyes of the male main character and he has a crush on her so he doesnt see her flaws" because like
FIRST of all yeah i get it but its hard to write that trope interestingly to me at this point without a lot of work put into subversion so intentionality doesnt make it any less boring
SECONDLY half the time people say this about ensemble cast stuff and like why is the random dude suddenly designated as the most perspective of all perspective characters when it comes to this specific woman. why dont we get to see the other characters perspectives on her too?
AND THIRDLY do people view women they have crushes on as bland plot devices without lives of their own enough irl that this is so universal in writing? isnt the point of having a crush wanting to hang out and know more about your crush, know about their likes and dislikes and all that. am i missing something here
#im gonna sound insane for what im about to say. but i grew up watching way to much harem anime for a 10 year old#and im gonna be honest. maybe that spoiled me? those things were not without their flaws but at least the 5 different magical giant#goddess demon vampire women with multicoloured hair inexplicably in love with random normal guy at least had like. inner lives#like thats why the guy is so normal and bland. because the focus is on the magical women and their pink hair and their complicated#backstories and familial lives and whatever outside of the main character#like theyre still big boobied colourful haired fantasies but at least they showed me something about em#when it comes to these other stories where a woman is treated like a plot device love interest and written like a dead wife in an#action movie but like. alive. i cant help but feel like. are you holding out on me? i want to know her. show me her LIFE i want to SEE IT#grabs writers by the collar ARE YOU HOLDING OUT ON ME???#its nuts because sometimes you see the bones of a really cool character but the writers are more interested in what she can do for the main#male character and how he sees her than whats going on in her head. i dunno im just getting annoyed. i think u can do this trope well#like how i think you can write basically any trope well. but i see intentionality used an excuse so often so i wanna see you do#SOMETHING interesting with this trope if ur gonna do it at least. subvert it in cool ways i dunno just do ANYTHING hfjdkjfkd
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reading over this satoru fic and omg… i honestly may just rewrite the whole thing :’) but that’s okay! anything for my beloved :3
#i don’t feel bad about rewriting it!#also i haven’t written much so it’s not too bad!#i think since i’m choosing a different season i have to describe certain things differently#also after the ending of jjk i just REALLY wanna make it a love letter to satoru in general :’)#i’m not very good at fluff and sweetly writing things so this’ll be good practice & a way to show my adoration for toru <3#i’m excited :3 and i can use tips from my writing tips tag! :D#OOOH ALSO this is gonna be my first fic w other characters in it . gonna try and do it PROPERLY :>#this is also gonna be my first time writing a PROPER gojo x reader fic AHHHHHH#i just wanna do my OWN vision of him justice :’) hopefully i can! :D#i was thinking of doing it as an autumn fic but for some reason i’m really feeling winter!#i think it could work bc he’s a winter baby + i think winter is almost a rebirth of sorts? idk i’ll try and make it make sense 🙂↕️#personal
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okay i’m having Thoughts™️ (bear with me or ignore me)
i hate that it feels like in response to the very shitty “is she pmsing” comment every time a woman (using woman here intentionally because of how this comment is usually framed/ discussed) has An Emotion it seems like the Correct Thing To Do is deny that periods have any impact on your emotional state.
cause boy HOWDY mine do especially when i’ve gone off birth control. my periods have been like better physically they HURT less but also im thinking about Laika the space dog and i wanna cry so hard im gonna vomit cause she was ALONE it’s so SAD she didn’t KNOW what was gonna happen!!! and like in normal circumstances i do get sad thinking about it but not THIS much!!! the hormones do real shit!!!
#this could be a very like subjective experience and i don’t wanna universalize it#i also feel like the feelings and willingness to discuss hormonal changes are different in trans/queer spaces and cishet ones#cause like i’m sure i could talk about how my hormones are doing shit around trans people and they’d be more open to it#but if i show the slightest hint of anything impacting me at all infront of my family#i will be written off as like basically hysterical or a weak over dramatic woman#idk it’s just Thoughts i’m having while i cry about Laika this fine sunday morning#the devil lillith on my shoulder#cw periods#tw periods
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the more people keep saying iwtv is the greatest show on television rn the less i want to watch it. i think my brain is broken
#big case of Well Now I Don't Want To Do It syndrome#it doesn't help that most of the screenshots i see are of like. abysmally lit scenes#i know they're vampires so they live in the dark but turn on a light PLEASE#idk i have read and enjoyed anne rice's books but for some reason the show does not appeal to me#and i love vampires mind you#fav monster#but. idk. i just don't wanna#maybe it's the fandom too. big slash fandoms tend to annoy me sjdkdsf#i know i know this coming from the freak who's written 10 braddavid fics#but that's just a silly goofy time u know#it's different#it's low stakes
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The idea that the game version of I Have N0 M0uth And l Must Scr3am somehow detracts from / ruins the short story is so funny
#they are two totally different stories and kind of 2 halves of one whole even#saw someone say the game ruined the characterization like what characterization. ted is the only one with a full character in the novel#ellen is sensitive and sexually victimized. nimdok has some weird shit going on with am. benny and gorrister are there#it really shows that the original was written in one night while the game had a little more time in the oven. which isn't good / bad it's#just different#edit: tiktok censoring this bc i dont wanna get in a fight abt this
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