#I just value mentors a lot ig??

[oldmemoria]

btw mentor!miguel is very important to me. In my heart.

[gildeddlily]

more thoughts ab chuuya cause no one compares

was just looking on shitty bsd memes and realised (a little late ig) that 18 Chuuya didn't wear his black coat.

so yes have to overthink it. (a lot of spoilers from Stormbringer, maybe Dead Apple and Beast)

his hat is from Rimbaud, even if Mori physically gave it to him, it's the symbol of his trust to the Port Mafia since he swore to give himself to the organisation. but at least in his first year or so, he didn't really care about the Mafia. He saw himself as a mafioso, but wasn't nearly as tied to it. He was tied to the Flags and the Sheep and to his friends in the Mafia, but what happened in Stormbringer kind of left him with nothing but the Mafia (I love the idea of Chuuya staying in contact with Adam and Shirase, but they're so far from him so it's difficult), and a new bond to it. He learned about himself, so him staying there became something different. His hat is important to him and his bond with Rimbaud and Verlaine, who freed him from the lab (and tried to kill him btw) so yes, it was there from the beginning.

his choker? we don't know much- we don't know anything. He didn't have it when he met Dazai, ofc, but in the "don't forget that you're my dog" scene, probably set after a few days, Chuuya wears a choker, probably from Kouyou like his new clothes, and we see him wearing it even after seven years.

Plain black, probably leather, but the problem is with bones that removed the metal thing in the middle- something that pains me deeply, considering that in official anime arts THEY GAVE HIM THE METAL STRAP-THING SO WHY REMOVE IT IN THE ANIME ITS NOT SO DIFFICULT TO DRAW but yeah

the first is a dead apple illustration, the other 22!Chuuya, and even in Beast he has it. So, Kouyou gave it to him, but since we haven't got illustration for the fifteen era (at least not for the "you're my dog" scene) and Fifteen still has to reach the last part of the light novel, we don't know about Chuuya's first choker. If I have to be honest, I have two headcanons and I'm not able to choose between them: -Kouyou gifted him his choker and he wears it for more than seven years. like Rimbaud indirectly gave him his hat, Kouyou gave him a choker. They have a close relationship: she's his mentor when he's young for at least a year (she's not mentioned in Stormbringer and Chuuya already has an important position in the Mafia so her training likely already ended), and even when they're equals as executives Chuuya values her opinion and they share a strong bond. So yeah, the choker represents their bond -Dazai gifted him a new choker, the one with the metal thing, a little before Stormbringer. he even had an excuse to do so: Chuuya took his place as "head" of the mafia's jewels trade, so he could have give Chuuya the choker as a symbol of that transition of power/role (the Mafia thing- gifting things). Chuuya likely hated it but wear it anyway cause yk fashion and manners (that draw of Chuuya and Albatross vibing together after Dazai gifted his dog the choker is my life) and that's it. And yes also for the "after four years he still wears it"

but the coat. what the hell is it doing here? Chuuya wears it in his first days maybe, but ditched it, considering that he doesn't wear it in Stormbringer and Dead Apple

(I'm trying to understand what the hell he's wearing in dead apple and I'm not being successful) He didn't wear it when he was eighteen. We don't see him in the second season's light novel adaptation, but in the official arts he's always wearing his jacket, not his coat. So he likely started to wear it again after Dazai's deflection, but who gave it to him again, who invited him to do it? He's sentimental when talking ab his clothes and hair, so it was either him wanting to wear it as his importance and popularity rose, as he learned how to be the successful-executive-strongest-man he perfectionated when alone (he didn't get a new partner, since there wasn't another diamond- he was alone in this sense), or Mori made him wear it.

it's pretty obvious that the bond that Chuuya shares with the Mafia is nothing compared to his loyalty to the people in it. he's loyal to Mori, since he welcomed him in the Mafia, and he respects him as his boss: the "what does it mean to be a good leader" points out how Chuuya's failure as a leader (kind of- that's how he perceives it) branded his mentality, and for him Mori is a good leader, one ready to sacrifice himself for his city- so, granted respect (but with how Mori "clinged" to Dazai after his deflection that respect probably faltered a bit) he's loyal to Kouyou, like we said, as she was his mentor. he's loyal to his friends in the Mafia- they exists, so no, he wasn't isolated for four years. in Stormbringer while drugged and tortured he hallucinated and thought ab, citing him "the Flags, his friends in the Sheep, his friends in the Mafia" so he had a social life that didn't involve Dazai after the Flags' death, thank you.

most important, he's loyal to Dazai, more than anyone else. and it has nothing to do with "he follows him after Oda's death" "he joins the ADA". the beautiful and heart-shattering thing about their bond is that it has nothing to do with the Port Mafia, the ADA, Yokohama or the whole world. They're one soul in two bodies, they're the other half of each other. They're able to live without the other in their life, as in they can survive with not being together (when Dazai died in Beast he went batshit crazy. in every universe, dimension, Dazai had Chuuya near, or at least, the other couldn't be alive without the other, cause they won't stop saving each other like it's a fricking sport). Dazai leave the Mafia, and the Mafia doesn't know ab his whereabouts (Chuuya doesn't know nothing ab it, maybe he believed in the "he offed himself" rumor, but it isn't likely)

Mori is a manipulative bastard, who cares deeply about his city and the Mafia, but still an asshole who seized the opportunity. the idea of him giving Chuuya the coat he refused to wear for three years is sick but the most intriguing. as a sign that Chuuya was finally fully loyal to the Mafia, and the Mafia alone. no Sheep, Flags, or Dazai, only the Mafia and the people in it. he was finally theirs, and the coat was a sign of that.

now think about Dazai meeting Chuuya again after four years of refusing to gather informations ab his ex-partner, and seeing him wears that coat. the last "four years passed for everyone" sign.

[everythingwritingg]

Writing Effective Character Deaths

By @everything.writing on IG

Ah, the thing that all readers hate but all writers love, though not many will admit it. In many stories, especially about war or in fantasy books, a character usually ends up dying. However, sometimes writing character deaths can be tough for people.

Make sure the death has a purpose. Don’t kill characters just because you wrote a character that serves no purpose in the story. If you have a character you don’t need, delete it from your story altogether. Chances are, if you don’t value this character, your readers won’t, so they won’t feel the sadness after that character died. Also, don’t kill characters for shock value, because this probably won’t convey the grief that follows a character’s death.

Set up a character that readers will care about. If you kill some random character that was mentioned 3 times in the entire story, readers are probably not going to care that much. Make sure you really flesh out the character well, give them traits and quirks that bring them to life. That way, the reader will be much more affected by the character’s death.

Think about how the death is going to be like. Will this be a quick death that will leave the protagonist with so many unanswered questions and cause the other characters to go into denial? Or will this be a slow death that the character is giving their wishes to their character?

Avoid gory descriptions, but focus on the other characters’ reactions. Gory descriptions could end up turning your reader off and make them uncomfortable, unless you’re writing horror. It’s fine to describe the scene and talk about blood, but keep the focus on the other characters’ reactions. How are other characters reacting to this? Show their grief (or their happiness, if the villain was killed). Do characters become withdrawn and lonely? Do they become angry? How does this character’s death drive the plot forward? Will this lead to the protagonist want to kill the villain to avenge their deceased friend?

Strike a balance between foreshadowing and not making the death too predictable. You want to give a few hints that the character is going to die, but you don’t want to outright tell the reader that it’s going to happen or else it could ruin the surprise. This can be a little hard to do, but this is what later drafts are for. In a second draft, you should slip hints that the character is going to die, once you know how and if the character is going to die.

Think about the character’s legacy. Was the character who died a mentor or parent who has given the protagonist a lot of good advice? Or was the character a friend or sibling of the protagonists’ and the protagonist now wants to follow their mission. What lasting impact did the dead character make on the world? How does this affect your protagonist?

My computer is really acting up, and the Ctrl key is frozen in place so it keeps randomly popping random functions. I’m just going to leave it here, and I hope you have a great time killing characters.

[ohwell-itsme-but-danganronpa]

Shuichi & Tsumugi Siblings + Saiouma Avian AU

Shuichi gets lethally injured at work, just detective stuff

hmmm don't like the idea of it somehow changing his personality, but interested in seeing him adjust to having to do things differently, learning how to function again, perhaps use new abilities and that resulting in his personality changing

just, getting to see things from a new perspective and needing to readjust his world-view and values accordingly

what if he was a monster hunter prior and now has to deal with partially being one

and what if Kokichi is also one (a monster) and he's the one to show Shuichi the ropes of his new lifestyle

Shuichi gets caught up in what he can't do anymore, but Kokichi comes forward to teach him the advantages of his new form and that different doesn't mean worse

oh and they meet because Shu ran away after seeing himself & finding out he's now "a hideous monster", wanting to hide and never be seen again

so when Kokichi starts mentoring him he also takes him in and they're roommates

not in the classical sense since they're away from civilization and he has more of an "evil lair" rather than a home, but it's big enough for two

he's so insecure about it, even after getting over considering becoming a monster a death sentence he spends the longest time certain Kokichi is mocking him when he compliments him (and he does that a lot)

Shuichi had transplants from a member of the same race Kokichi was born as, it cannot be concealed and whatever he has is considered hot for their beauty standards but he doesn't know it so they have plenty of moments where he's being miserable over & complaining about some traits, how obviously non-human they make him while Kokichi is in the background fangirling over how powerful he is

There have to be claws and wings involved ...at this point I can't go back from imagining them as some sort of bird people

Kokichi is a magpie and his place can be considered an evil lair because he has some stolen goods there, he didn't have to lie about it

raven Saihara

(replying to a question in the Pit, asking for them to be harpies) don't harpies live in a matriarchal society? bc those two live alone in the woods, ig they could be, it would imply that Ouma is a runaway too, just two guys who decided to abandon living in a society, in one nest because they are gay

(another suggestion) You can alter the myth slightly methinks sjfjd or just say Kokichi was outcasted But I can just yell avians if you want to be 100% factual

or that, I was honestly going to name them were-birds and say they also transform in full birds on occasion bc why not, but anything works

once he gets to the acceptance stage he goes back to Tsumugi's lab and apologizes for running off, then he works up his courage to also reunite with his uncle and even introduce Kokichi but only after Tsumugi made sure it was safe, he didn't want to risk it otherwise

"So what do you do for a living, young man?" Ko: "Mostly theft" Shuichi's Uncle, a detective who raised him: looking at Shu, trying to communicate "what did I do wrong?" without words but he grows to like Ouma eventually, after seeing how he improved Shuichi's self-esteem

their getting together moment has got to be around the time Shu realizes Kokichi's compliments were always genuine, so I think the timeline would be first reuniting with Tsumugi,

then getting together because he needed some sort of comment from a 3rd person to realize,

then meeting with some friends he knows wouldn't freak out at Mugi's lab*, those people also becoming Tsumugi's friends so she mellows out and at the end of all that feeling up to face his uncle's reaction, having Tsu set the meeting up

*it's a safe location outside of the city, so they don't have to risk being spotted by random humans

and once his uncle surprises him by being accepting he also meets up with friends he expects to freak out at least a little bit (Momota does, in fact, freak out, but not about Saihara being a monster or disappearing for two or three months, it's about his relationship with Ouma. Shuichi has to explain Kokichi's sense of humour to him so he doesn't get a heart attack)

[danny-chase]

Do you think that Tim saved Dick in a way? Because we see Dick getting better as he gets closer to Tim and healing and getting back into the family, and ig it’s Tim who initiated that.

I literally don't have a yes or no answer for this... like most things in the Batfam - it's complicated. (Following answer is informed by 90s-00s comics, i can't really speak for new52 because it just... has so many issues one of which being erasing the relationship between Dick and Tim for *checks note* no discernable reason other than possibly *checks note* Didio hates legacy characters and wants only bad things for them so he could have excuses to kill them off or cancel their comics... idk just a guess)

Warnings: for Bruce stans - just look away i'm about to bring up bits of canon you most likely don't like, for Dick stans - Devin Grayson's run is mentioned, for the lovely anon - i wrote an essay, hope you are prepared

Tim coming into the family gave Dick a reason to occasionally hang around Bruce and i'm not sure if this is an exaggeration or not but he did sort of save that relationship - but whether that was a good or bad thing at the time, i can't really say. For sure - it starts off good, Bruce is actually trying to be a good dad (he comes down to Blud to check on Dick, adopts him, trusts him with his own city, calls him for backup, etc.). But we also see throughout Bruce Wayne: Fugitive/Murderer how unhealthy the relationship between the two can be. Dick built his core values around Bruce - if Bruce had actually killed here it would have been devastating for Dick (he was pretty much on the verge of a mental breakdown simply because they couldn't find proof Bruce wasn't guilty). The two literally got in a fist fight during the arc because Bruce was being uncommunicative and Dick couldn't take it anymore, snapped, and punched him when Bruce said "Bruce Wayne is dead only Batman now" - this tied into Dick finally having the relief and validation of being adopted and he couldn't handle Bruce stripping himself (and by extension, his fatherhood of Dick) away. In this era of comics Bruce had gotten physical with Dick before (here's me venting like an annoyed loser), and here's a clip from Bruce Wayne Fugitive that i just, *sigh*, canon Bruce, my detested.

Now on the other hand - getting Dick involved in the batfam more doesn't just mean he was hanging out with Bruce. His relationship with Tim is pretty great and I can definitely see where it was healing for a while - but also - to give credit where credit is due, the healing he goes through during this era of comics can also be attributed to Barbara and the Titans (the fab five specifically). Wally literally joins the Titans to give Dick a "social life" (me - it's because he's gay and wants to spend more time with Dick, actually, screw you DC you know i'm right). Donna plays a major part in keeping Dick's emotional well being in check. So like everything was going fine - Dick was healing, spending more time with friends, spending a lot of time with people he loved, like Tim, except he was neglecting his health and not sleeping - but overall he was in fact, managing, and moving past the deaths of Jason and some of the other Titans. With the current Titans - he was a hardass (which like ~trauma~ so I understand), but like things were going relatively okay.

And then Donna and Lilith died. And hooof Donna dying was like really really bad for his mental health.

Teen Titans/Outsiders Secret Files (2003) #1

[Image ID: Dick sits in a room staring at a photo, the phone rings in the background, and he doesn't even acknowledge it, the voice mail plays: "I'm not here. Leave a message after the beep." The photo is shown closer in the next frame, it's of the five original Teen Titans - Roy kisses Donna on the cheek, tipping his hat his other hand making the okay sign, Donna has an arm around Roy, the other hand on Dick's shoulder, Garth proudly stands beaming with his hands on his hips, and Dick has both his arms around Wally's neck. Everyone is smiling in the photo. A voice plays over the answering machine: "Dick, it's Roy - pick up the phone... c'mon... please... I know you're there... just pick up. Dick, we need to talk... you can't just... please..." End ID]

For context - the previous page noted that this is Dick SIX WEEKS after Donna died. Usually Dick's the one who moves on quickly, but Donna dying broke him in a way nothing else had before - and that could be partly because he was still recovering from everyone else's death.

Up to this point, Dick had been healing and Tim was definitely a part of that, but then DC decided to throw the absolute book, bookshelf, and library at him. Reading Outsiders (2003) it's very clear he's very traumatized, and around the same time, Devin is literally whumping him like it's the whump Olympics, breaking him and Babs up, burning down his childhood home, blowing up his apartment complex (killing all but like two of his neighbors), he's literally sleeping on fire escapes using newspapers as covering because he has nothing, and the bad thing i don't like to think about (i'll let you know if you ask but that one needs lots of tw, but if you know where i'm going you know what it is already), Blockbuster is killed and he blames himself - and loses it over breaking Bruce's one rule, Bludhaven is nuked, and he pretty much tries to kill himself.

So basically, he was on the path to healing (with Tim as part of that) before he got absolutely destroyed (and almost killed off by Didio in one of the crisis). Tim in his own right, was also going through a lot in the meantime, his dad died, Steph died, Kon and Bart died, i don't remember what else happened and i haven't read that era of Robin yet. Things were good until they weren't anymore, and sometimes i think Dick would regret ever exposing Tim to the life they live, and questions whether he should have just sent Tim packing x2. They do get to spend a year together on a mental health cruise, but then Damian comes into the picture, Battle for the Cowl happens, and they have their falling out. But whatever happened on that cruise must have been really healing for Dick because he actually kind of rocks it in this era - he keeps things light with Damian, Alfred notes at one point how he makes things easy because he has lightness in him, and he patches things up with Tim - catching him in that panel of Red Robin - from there they kind of go back to normal, there's a lightness to the way they banter with each other (also here) and Tim returns the favor (from the Red Robin incident) by pulling Dick out of the water.

They've saved each other multiple times over (physically), and in both in the Black Mirror and Gates of Gotham, Tim helps out in a period where Dick is starting to fall apart from the pressure of holding things together for so long (something Tim might feel guilty for, because he did run away from Gotham on a wild goose chase for Bruce). In that period, it's really clear that Dick saves Tim (he reminds him in RR, that someone does actually care for him) and then Tim saves Dick from being torn apart by Gotham.

I should point out - Damian, while starting off as kind of a hinderance, does eventually start helping Dick as well. By the end of their relationship (before the New52 destroys everything i love), Dick has helped Damian grow emotionally, and through that process Dick probably finds meaning and value in their time together, probably a lot like he used to feel with Tim. And of course, physically, they've both saved each other multiple times by the end of the run.

So yeah. I think Dick finds meaning in growth in mentoring his younger brothers, and it's likely a healing process, that healing just has some twists and turns along the way, and sometimes, on bad days, he probably feels like maybe he shouldn't have intervened at all, but i think on most days, he's proud of what Tim's become.

...I hope this is coherent lmao

[everythingthemoontouches]

Hiii I hope you're fine. I wanna know your opinion about my astrological chart. Of course im not asking you to do a reading that's too much. I only want you to tell me if I have any bad placements about my health. And about my sun mercury in 8th house. Thank you 🌼🌼 take your time 🌺🌺

Hii

OK,

🪐🤼Saturn in 1st House Gemini 🏡♊

You're grounded.

You have very practical ideas and give doable mature advice.

You could be very discerning about how you choose to get your information or who who share it with.

When you talk to people do you feel like there's a barrier in connecting or putting across your true self and world vision out there? The house saturn is in could feel like it's not meant for us. Like maybe you hate dressing up or having to present yourself a certain way. Or just feel liek you could finalize on a specific sense of how to present yourself to the world. You may also think you take time(saturn) to really think(Gemini 1st house) things through.

Did you start speaking later than others your age?

Mercury and Saturn are in each other's sign. So this would enhance your reserve in communicating. You really like to be proficient in what you project. You need to build a foundational base of knowledge before speaking. Less is more.

Or, in a different manifestation you may give away too many private details because of a lack of control. I think of Gemini as a blogger or chatter placement. There's this need to go out and speak all your thoughts over the Radio / or on a podcast.

You probably don't like talking about yourself much.

🌹🤷Could second guess why people show romantic interest in you?

🥥🦩Saturn opposite Venus

Draw in suitors.

You are almost always the one who wants to take things slow? Atleast that's how people you date see you. With your venus in sagittarius you could just wanna spend a lot of time exploring thr city, museums, shows, ideologies, skillsets with your crushes but saturns restriction could make you second guess or feel a little apprehensive about putting yourself out there like that for them/ the world to see the love / interest written across your face.

Venus in sagittarius you're passionate. Warm. Friendly. Drawn to philosophers, poets, thinkers, travellers.

📥I feel like you could be drawn to women?

Your better relationships probably come later in life since saturn aspects your 7th house.

Is that Pluto and Venus in the 7th house?

Have you ever considered opening a sex shop?

Or go into any business that requires eroticism, mystery, control, research? I really think Pluto and Venus here could give you considerable fame or success. You could emerge as an authority on the subject. Specially with Scorpio in the 6th and 7th, the occult mysteries or tabboos are already subject that are a part of your everyday life.

Or any business that let's you do some digging, and then seduce the client with your presentations or facts. So like a marketing kind of thing. Live readings or spells.

Romantic relationships could cause pivotal shifts in your outlook and ideologies + sense of family values. Do you find yourself singing more in thr beginning if a new relationship / post breakup?

You could even find yourself talking to your mom a lot more when dealing with tumultuous romantic relationships.

I'd certainly advise you to look deeper into that part of fortune, venus and north node tsquare.

Purpose, love, and material success may appear to be 3 conflicting forks in your path and you could be feeling like you must sacrifice one for the other two.

I think in your later years you're meant to master the 'I think' /mercurial approach instead of the philosophizing take you seem to have now.

I'd be curious to see what your Saturn, Jupiter and mercury dashas have in store for you.

Jupiter rules your 7th house and is placed in the second. The expansive nature could mean that you find yourself surrounded by people who want to hear a lot more from you. They want to keep coming to you for help or see you as someone to info dump their issues on. (Jupiter in cancer is like a gentle teacher /mentor/ mom figure. I'm getting a lunar witch /moon worshiper vibe)

Lilith+Mars in Pisces on the 10th house: you could be a really good dancer/swimmer. You probably have lots of sports/ vacation pictures on your ig feed. Come across dreamy and alluring. People could dream of what they'd like to do with you?

Moon in Aries 11th house: horsesssss. Sports. Fiery temper clashes. Leader amidst your friends. This could also make it hard for you to make friends with some people unless you meet them through work. There's a strong chance your friends wouldn't mind a fwb situation or that a lot of them are initially attracted to you.

You could also make /meet better friends when travelling for work.

I feel like you'd advocate for sexual awareness and acceptance of all aspects of people's sexuality.

[whetstonefires]

Hi Whetstonefire. I have a question about the comic where Nightwing cheats on Starfire with Barbara: What happens directly after that? Does Starfire find out that Nightwing cheated on her? And, if so, how does she react? I've read online that (according to Marv Wolfman) Starfire is the opposite of everything Batman taught Nightwing to be and that Batman taught Nightwing to be repressed and cold. What did Nightwing contribute (emotionally) to the relationship between him and Starfire? (Cont.)

(Cont.) From what I can tell, from online, Nightwing was adamant about standards of mercy and monogamy - how do you think, if Starfire were to be written as her own character and not written around Nightwing and his emotional needs, she would handle and react to that? (This bit is an FYI for other readers: this is just speculation, not hate. Sorry about that.) Sorry about the questions! Have a nice day! 

Okay there are so many separate questions packed in here! I may miss some of them lol and I do not want to put in the hours it would take to produce an orderly response to all this, so this post is going to be a mess.

Initial query and important point: the cheating story was out of continuity. Like, literally, not just by ‘being rejected by the fanbase,’ it was just this weird retcon oneshot that seems to have been some sort of fuck-you to Nightwing or his fans or something. So no, it had no in-setting fallout lol. It, in more ways than most comics, didn't exactly happen.

It was just this weird thing where Dick hooks up with Babs before giving her a wedding invitation, which is both out of character for him in general and out of step with where he was leading up to the wedding--he was desperate to get married so they could have some Normal Stable Adulthood Happiness; the choice to recharacterize him as a fuckboy who regards it as a loss of freedom isn’t congruent, on much more than the level of principle.

As far as how Kori would feel about it, if she had learned...that is very hard to say. Apart from how it would require her to reinterpret everything about where their relationship stood at that point, the data is very unclear, and I don’t even have all of it. Gonna back up to cover some of the rest of the ask, get some context here.

So this actually brings up two of my biggest gripes with Wolfman’s NTT--weird Kori characterization and the weirdly negative interpretation of Batman as parent that backwashed heavily into other titles and influenced the character for the worse, in ways we're very much still dealing with today. 😩

The latter is pretty self-explanatory, though Wolfman’s take that the main thing Bruce taught Dick was repression does shed light on some writing choices and make others funnier. But Kori. Oh my lands.

So, item one, I wouldn't say that Kori is overall opposite Bruce, or even of his philosophy? There are just some very major points of opposition. She isn’t emotionally buttoned-down like at all, especially about positive feelings, although considered realistically with all the bullshit they’ve piled into her backstory she absolutely leans on repression to cope and stay positive, which makes her a lot like Dick actually.

To an extent, she was clearly written around foiling Dick’s Batman-derived traits in the same way that Robin was written to foil Batman, bright and glad and aerial. A Flamebird to his Nightwing in theme if not in name.

You could do some interesting stuff with that, and the bildungsroman aspects of this period of Dick’s life, like he has two roads forward in terms of how he’s going to define ‘adulthood’--does it necessarily require becoming more like his mentor-father, for good and ill, or can he make Kori in part a destination, as it were, and create an adult self that is derived from who he has always been as well as the man he’s modeled himself after?

To an extent I think this even was one of the things going on in ntt but like. Only a little bit.

(Given how much like Bruce Babs is in most of the ways Kori isn’t, especially once she’s Oracle, you could make a case for her as love interest being like. Symbolic of his not being in a rebellious phase? That gets weird and oedipal really fast tho lol.)

Okay stepping down one meta level lol, the thing about answering the 'what would kori' question here is that her character is deeply bound up in her culture, about which we are told and shown a great many contradictory things. Any attempt to read her as an independent character has to tackle not only the gender stuff you allude to and these inconsistencies, but how much of the sheer mess of her is rooted in racism.

'Fantastic' racism, technically, because Tamaraneans aren't real, but the 'taming the savage' narrative that kept surfacing between them and the language used in reference to it is just. The existing racism of presumably the writers, placed in Dick's mouth, and it's super gross. I hate it so much.

(I had a faint hope when they cast her for live action it was with a deliberate intent to directly tackle and better that history, but lollllllll nah. At least they didn’t double down in it tho! Can you imagine, with a black actress, in this day and age....)

So to predict and comprehend Kori, you have to make a lot of calls about Tamaran as a civilization. I like to slightly privilege stuff established earlier if there's no good reason not to, so while much is made over time of her inappropriate rage and the violence she was raised to normalize, I think what she says in her first appearance is good to keep in mind: in her culture, kindness is for friends and cruelty is for enemies. She doesn't understand why the Titans seem to have this backwards.

Kori is not a merciless person. She’s very empathetic, as a rule. With people she loves, she is self-destructively forgiving. That's not a trait only Dick benefits from--her family keeps betraying her in new exciting ways, and she keeps letting them.

Her arc of growing away from that habit is however greatly crippled by centering Dick in the narrative and by the awful 'civilizing' overtones that keep coming into it. When she comes back after the 1986 breakup, still married to Karras, she brings with her a commitment to doing things the Earth way--to eschew lethal force as more than a compromise with her friends’ values, but as a deliberate choice.

This deserved a lot more space and time than it got, and the fact that it didn’t get it is only somewhat due to her being subordinated to Dick and to general writing fail; a lot of it’s just the team book problems of everything happening to everybody all at once.

I mean, Dick’s journey later on to deciding he loves her enough to date her even though she’s married and it’s technically against his principles was packed into this absolutely heinous issue where he was inspired by a woman refusing to separate from her husband who’d just threatened to kill her and their kid with a knife, until being stopped by Nightwing. Because he’s apologizing for what he did.

This is his inspiration for accepting Kori’s marital status! It’s supposed to be heartwarming, as far as I can tell! Not heavyhanded messaging that this is a self-destructive terrible choice in which Kori will inevitably harm him somehow! This issue is pro ‘consensual open relationships under certain circumstances’ and also ‘giving abusers another chance’ as expressions of love. Welcome to the 80s ig.

(Notable is that the wife in this issue was black and the husband and son both looked very white, so it’s probably her stepkid and she probably wouldn’t get to keep him if they separated; this is not even vaguely treated as a factor.)

Point is, everyone was getting too little space to actually go through the amount of development they were getting, and it was clumsily handled; it’s not just her.

In an overlapping period Gar processed his issues with his adoptive father with whom he constantly fought and their shared trauma over the rest of their family (the Doom Patrol) having died violently not long ago via a batshit several-issue storyline where Mento went crazy, created supermutants, and abusively mind-controlled them to attack the Titans. It is literally all like this.

Back to the infidelity thing, now. So much to unpack. So like I mentioned above, their first big breakup, while partially driven by Dick’s existing conflicted feelings about their different ideas about things like ‘killing in battle’ and ‘her identity and loyalties being tied up with her home planet,’ is explicitly over different takes on monogamy.

When Dick is breaking up with her, Kori makes it clear she thinks it’s totally reasonable to have both a husband and a love, since Karras also has someone he loves and they’re both fine with it, but the story doesn't really explain how nonmonogamy works on Tamaran, or even if it's practiced outside the context of political marriage. They do do a sort of...soulbond fusion dance...thing, as part of the ceremony, so marriage is definitely serious business. There are so many levels of cultural difference that get poor to no development.

But to return to the weird ooc retcon cheating story: because of this context, no matter what her personal norms are, Dick specifically casually sleeping with someone else would be something for Kori to be mad about, because of the hypocrisy.

Then there’s the Mirage Incident, which I haven’t read through properly and which was very poorly handled by the writers. Kori is upset about Dick having slept with someone impersonating her and there’s a general vibe of this being treated by Dick’s social circle as unfaithfulness even though he was in fact sexually violated by deceit; it famously sucks.

We still don’t learn a lot here about Kori’s ideas about monogamy, from what I have seen, because her focus is mostly on feeling like Dick doesn’t care about her enough or in the right way since he couldn’t tell the difference. Which is an understandable feeling, even if it’s not an appropriate reaction to have at him at this time.

What Nightwing contributed emotionally........hm. This is a mess, honestly; he was all over the map, and not just because of having Brother Blood in his head. I cannot speak definitively on this, it’s too inconsistent.

For most of their relationship, Kori was the more intensely invested one, the one to initiate and the one who was shown at length to be excited to come home at the end of the day to their shared apartment because her boyfriend was there to see and talk to. If we set aside his more egregious white male bullshit, Dick was pretty emotionally available most of the time, though? They were cute.

Since they split up a lot of ink has been spilled making him less into her in retrospect, but he was pretty invested--leaving her coincided with mental breakdowns both times, and it wasn’t even mostly because she was doing his emotional processing for him, because she wasn’t, although it’s fair to say he often fell into using the relationship as an emotional crutch. Kori was definitely doing the same thing though so...it wasn’t the most balanced relationship in fiction history, but apart from slight codependency and the racism, it was decent enough.

She gets more evenhanded development than most superhero love interests, honestly, because she was costarring in a team book. She had her own storylines. She had other friends.

Mostly both of them just needed some space to finish growing up and stop being retraumatized long enough to process some of the existing trauma better, and I think they could have gone on being good for each other for a long time.

[horanimal-10]

Okay, I know we still have the final to go, but given what we've seen so far what's everyone thinking about the Olympic roster? Who you think deserves to make it, who you want to make it, who is a definite no at this point, anything. Now, I basically know jack shit about soccer (I was a field hockey player, oops) but I definitely have some thoughts about who I want/think deserves to make it. 

Let's start with the front line, shall we? 

Christen Press. I mean, this one is obvious. In what universe does CP *not* make the roster? I'll tell you which universe - none. She's clearly having a moment, she's healthy, everyone loves her. She's in, signed, sealed, delivered. Put it on my grave.

Pinoe. Okay, okay, "she's only good on set pieces" people say. Yeah, and those are pretty important. And aside from last night's somewhat sub-par performance in that department, I think she's looked pretty damn good this tournament. Fit af. Plus there is something to be said for the leadership and experience the older players have to offer. I think the rest of the team respects her and values her, and she's super positive and supportive of everyone, which I love. As long as she stays healthy, she's in.

Heath. Whoo. Honestly, I don't think we got a good look at her, what with her limited minutes. But she's the nutmeg queen, she's great on corners, she's spicy, and she does that nifty little backheel thing. And again - experience. Definitely takes on a mentor role with some of the younger players. She's had some injuries going back to the end of the club season, but as far as I know they've been minor. I still cringe every time she gets fouled, but I think she'll be okay as long as Vlatko continues to be smart about managing her minutes until she's 100%.

AMorgs??? Okay, this one's loaded. I give her major props for continuing her training during pregnancy, and I 100% believe she has the drive to be match fit by July. That said, pregnancy and childbirth are unpredictable. If she ends up needing a c section (which I wish on nobody, fingers crossed for a nice, uncomplicated delivery) I don't think she'll be ready due to the recovery period. That is the only reason I hesitate to say she's going for sure but I am hoping for the best and want only good things for her.

Baby Mal??? I don't know. This is a tough one. As much as I miss her, I will admit to thinking (please don't kill me for this) that she looked kind of lost and unfocused in the friendlies last fall. She has the skills to be there, no doubt, it just seemed to me she wasn't connecting well with her teammates, wasn't anticipating where they would be, etc. But I love her and hope she works shit out.

Carlos??? She isn't starter material at this point. This tournament, for her, seemed to be about getting Carlos to the Olympics, not the USWNT. Not at her best, by a long shot, and unlike Pinoe I don't think the younger players really see her as a leader or mentor. Not gonna lie, I was rooting for her because I admire her drive and dedication to keep going, but she fell short here.

Now, I'm skipping ahead to goalies, because honestly that's the easiest.

Uncle Naeher. Biggest no-brainer along with Press. (Honestly...can anyone give me a valid reason for her not to start? I doubt it.) I think she proved both in international and club play last season that she deserves the starting spot. It's hers to lose, but she won't.

Ashlyn. I hesitate to say I'm 100% sure here, but it's a pretty good bet. Campbell or Bledsoe could sneak in there, but at this point I'm leaning towards not. We really didn't get a good look at where she is right now, what with there not being a whole lot of action on that end of the field, but apparently Vlatko likes her so I'm good with that.

Ugh. Now we have midfield and backs. Honestly the toughest spots to cut anyone because they're basically all looking rock solid. 

Rose. Why tf would you cut Rose? That's right, you wouldn't. She's had a solid tournament. Would have liked to see more of her, but benching her against Costa Rica was prob a good call, given her yellow card from the previous game. (Confession - sometimes I feel like she falls in the "looks like she could kill you; would actually kill you" category. Anyone else get this vibe? Not necessarily a bad thing…)

Lindsey. Honestly, I feel like sometimes she doesn't get the credit she deserves. Does she ever have a *bad* game? Even when she's not at her best, she's still The Pretty Good Horan. Solid as a rock. Great one-touch passes. Has perfected the art of the header. Awesome volleys. Just got her first international hat trick, yay! Looks cool, calm, and collected, but is capable of being absolute chaos on main (exhibit A: That Game™ vs Utah). Leaves no square inch untouched as she roams from box to box. Minus last season's concussion (and maybe a minor hamstring injury last fall where she missed a friendly? Am I right?) she's been healthy, which is more than I can say for several others, so there's also that. And she's the love of my life, so I will accept zero criticism on this one.

JJ. She's fast, she's feisty (and sometimes ultra spicy), she and Dunn are adorable bffs, she's a leader. I have nothing bad to say about her. But I'm still kinda salty that Chicago beat Portland in the semis so that's as nice as I'm gonna get. (No hate though, really, she's fantastic.) She needs to stop giving me heart attacks with the couple-pics-that-could-be-pregnancy-announcements, though. One USWNT baby at a time, thanks.

Sammy. Well, she got herself two braces so far in qualifying (okay, that one goal was highly questionable, but the ref said goal so goal it is), so she's definitely made a strong case for herself. She's tall. She's able and willing to catch The Great Horan (you know, because she's the only one taller than The Great Horan). She panics over being the first one on the bus. The only thing I don't like about her? She plays for NCC. But honestly she's adorable, really fucking good, and I love her so I can overlook that.

KO. Okay, I'll admit I was nervous. Her first couple games were a little shaky, she had a few pretty big goof-ups (but I mean when she whiffed that one time she had literally just recovered from a savage attempt at breaking her ankles so I can't even blame her for that) but her ankles were away at war for like 6 months so what do you expect? Last night she was in fine form. She brings a great energy to the game, connects well with Tobito, has the Stanny connection with CP and some cute, newfound friendship thing going on with Horan, and is basically the ultimate hype girl (when she's not being the ultimate frat daddy). When you need a bitch, she's your woman. And she's hot. Like, HOT hot. As long as the ankles hold up, she's gotta be on that roster. I am rooting for those ankles. Hard.

Sonnett. Really did herself a solid with the minutes she had. No complaints from me. Almost scored a goal, and I'm not counting it out in the final. Not afraid to break ankles. She's scrappy, spicy, saucy, a sit-down comedian, a soft smiler, and a package deal with Horan. She deserves the world. The world (or at least the USWNT and its fans) deserves her. Please don't cut her, Vlatko. I beg of you. (I'm not saying if you cut her, I'll cut you, but like...I'm not NOT saying it, either...)

Krieger. What do I need to say except she showed everyone why Jello was an idiot not to play her. She's a beast. And I really, really, really need the wives to both make it bc I will cry if one does and the other doesn't.

Dunn. I mean, have you seen her? She's all over the field. She almost scored during her 100th cap. I've never seen her have a bad game. Voted best dancer on the team. The only problem? See Sammy above. F'n NCC. She deserves better, dammit.

Dahlkemper. Okay, don't sue me, but I really don't have any feelings toward her either way. A lot of people love her. I've never heard anyone say anything bad about her (except this one time I saw someone roast her on IG for following Honkle, but that's her business I guess) so that's good enough for me. Also she's pretty and posts thirsty comments on her teammates pics so basically I stan a supportive Abby.

Broon. Cool as a cucumber. The voice of reason. A literal angel. Captain Becky never lets us down.

Okay. Now for who I don't think will/should make it. 

AD. This makes me really, really sad. I love AD. But she's the only player on the roster who didn't get any minutes, so I think that says exactly where she stands in Vlatko's eyes. It's a shame, because she's amazing, but it's super hard to choose between her and Ash.

Lynn. Clearly Vlatko sees something in her, and tried really hard to make it happen. It didn't happen. I was kind of rooting for her, just because everyone else seemed to be against her, but she just didn't seem to connect with the rest of the team. She's fast, I'll give her that, but it's not enough. 

Jmac. Another one I was rooting for just because everyone else was against her. She has talent, and when she's on she's great, but she wasn't connecting with the others. 

Moe. Nothing against her, just no compelling reason to cut anyone else for her. Injury-prone, which obviously isn't good.

Allie. See Moe, minus the injuries. Bonus points for social media content, though.

Baby T. No clue where she stands with the injury. If she's 100% I have absolutely no reason why she shouldn't be on the team, but I don't know who I'd cut to keep her. If she isn't 100% I'd rather she take the time to heal completely. I know it was reported that she'd be ready to resume training around February, but a while back she herself said she didn't think she'd be 100% by the Olympics so who tf knows. She's SO young and could have 2-3 Olympics (and World Cups) ahead of her so no need to risk a career-ending injury by rushing it. But if she IS ready I'm down for her being an alternate (or, heaven forbid, making roster in the event that anyone else is injured). I like Tierna. I want a long, successful career and only good things for her.

Player I selfishly just want on the team because I like her.

Midge. She was a Thorn, so maybe I'm a little biased, but she's good, she's young (but not *young* young and inexperienced), she's versatile. I like her. A lot. 

Okay, that's all I got. Let me know what y'all think.

[greensconnor]

18, 20, 21, 22, 23

ty so much molly i bestow upon u my love & affection

18. Any characters that you wish had been potential love interests? If so, who?

pb release forbidden it lives book 3 where i get to kiss jocelyn’s hot sexy redesign okay. im a simple lesbian i like hot women and im not a coward so i can stan morally questionable characters. my [jocelyn] is a bitch and i like her so much

20. Did your MC acquire any of the weapons? If so, which one(s)?:

in my first playthrough, no because i never spent any diamonds on it but once i got the [coughing fit] i replayed & acquired all of them but i personally vibe heavily with the polesaw 

21. Favorite diamond scene? Least favorite?:

WELL APPARENTLY.... the first time i played thru ilitw i purchased exactly one (1) diamond scene and that was when connor teaches mc self defense lol sorry to b a predictable bitch but ig that counts as my favourite? i rlly just love everything about it lives it’s my favourite book so idk if i have a LEAST favourite? maybe technically the collectibles bc i think u shouldn’t paywall lore but like i understood just fine without it anyways so yknow it was all good

22. Would your MC get along with your MC from It Lives Beneath? Why or why not?:

yea i actually headcanon that they met in college and were kinda happy acquaintances and so when tom is like leon this is my friend tae :) tae and leon r like the spiderman pointing meme at each other hjksjd. they get along bc they’re like wildly different in terms of personality & temperament but they have a lot of similar values. leon is actually six golden retrievers stacked inside a person’s body and tae is cool and emo (contradictory ik) so its kind of another case of my obsession w/ opposite personalities balancing each other out. yeah long answer short they get along

23. Do you have any post-game headcanons, either for your own MC or the other characters?:

SO MANY THIS BOOK LIVES IN MY HEAD RENT FREE... sometimes i indulge in polyam andy/tom/leon thoughts because gee andy how come ur mom lets you have TWO boyfriends !!! its bc hes the best and its what he deserves. tae is getting a degree in archaeology post ilitw and once he graduates my headcanon is that he goes full time into monster hunting/protecting against the power & trying to find a way to free noah with ava & connor

which also leads into headcanon 2 but more fun which is where when they announced no it lives 3 my brain was like no <3 and i ended up concocting an elaborate au where everyone’s lives kinda halt direction wise and it focuses on that monster hunting group connor & jocelyn were putting together at the end of ilb, so the gang from both it lives books make a return & get mentored by han & will lyons, monster hunter ocs of mine and @yeehawgame4ever . han is less enthusiastic about adopting 15-ish young adults. will is like o my god u will die here without us. but anyway maybe one day i’ll actually write it and publish it but it’s about monster hunting it’s abt friendship it’s abt gay ppl

also ik this post is mostly abt ilitw but ilb post game headcanon parker quits his fucking job and learns about colours that aren’t beige

ask me about ilitw!

[alethia000]

[ENG TRANS] 200701 #VogueInConversationwithNICHKHUN

[Thai-Eng trans by Daffodil0624]

Nichkhun: COVID makes me lazy. 😂 It made me think I could not go out to exercise or do many things. In fact, it's just an excuse. If you really want to exercise and take care of your health, you can do it wherever you are (at home, outside, or while you go to work.)  

Nichkhun: When I'm home, I watch Netflix, play games, or practice piano. I don't like to go out much. But I am an active person. When I go out, I would spend my day getting everything done before I go home.

About becoming Broach Nichkhun on #TheBrothersTH  

Nichkhun: Normally I don't like to be a mentor or a judge on audition shows. I don't think I'm talented enough to criticize or judge anyone. But P'Tik told me he wanted to find and teach teens to be both idols and gentlemen. Most importantly, this show isn't scripted. There are no 'drama' or arguments scheduled on any filming days.

Nichkhun: I have worked in many countries and wanted to share my experiences with these kids.

Vogue: So when you were very serious and strict with the kids on the show, it was real.

Nichkhun: Yes. I tried not to be strict. I wanted to know how much they were determined to excel in this field. People who want to enter showbiz have several different reasons, right? Some people want to be famous. Some want to be rich. Some want to show their talents to the world. I had to gauge the reasons they wanted to be a star. These kids were nice and well-mannered. Some of them were not focused/determined and I was strict with them.  When they didn't finish their assignment on time, I was quite strict. But P'Ananda often told me not to scold them. He would do it himself. So I was playing good cop.😆          

Nichkhun: When I watched these kids practice, I smiled to myself and thought of myself practicing over 10 years ago. Among these 20 kids, some of them were very talented. It's a similar situation when I first went to JYPE. If there were 50 trainees, 40 of them were talented and top of the class. The other 10 trainees were cast probably because of their good looks/physical appearance. These 10 trainees would struggle. No matter how much we practiced, we couldn't catch up with other trainees. Even if we worked 2 times harder, it was not enough. If I started from -20, other trainees started from 60. So I really couldn't catch up. Among these 20 kids on The Brothers, there were competitions with themselves and with other kids who had equal skills.  

Nichkhun: When I looked into their eyes, I thought of myself when I was a trainee. Back then, while I was practicing each day, I really couldn't see how my future would turn out. I was not sure when I would sing as well as other trainees. I was not sure whether that was even possible. I couldn't sing, dance, or speak Korean.

Nichkhun: I was scolded so many times. "Why can't you do it? Why can't you compete with others?" I often thought, "Well, you did see my audition tape. You knew how bad I am. Why did you cast me then?" 😂 What's the point of insulting me when you know I am not talented? I was upset for a long time. Until I was fed up with all these insults. "You are not talented. You can't do it. You suck." I didn't want to hear these words anymore. I wanted them to say, "You have improved. You can do it."  I guess my resentment had pushed me to work harder/to improve.

Vogue: But you are a star now.

Nichkhun: Determination/dedication is most important. But luck also plays an important role. I often say I am a lucky guy. If I was not a member of 2PM and didn't debut with 2PM that year, I think I would not be in this position. It was perfect timing. Back then there were not a lot of foreigners who became well-known in Korea. Then 2PM became even more popular because of Heartbeat. That's why I said the timing was perfect.    

Vogue: Hottest want 2PM to make a comeback soon.

Nichkhun: 2PM will definitely make a comeback together. We planned to make a comeback in the middle of next year. But I think it may be delayed because of covid. I don't know how much covid will affect our plans next year. 2PM members meet and talk with each other often. Every time we meet, we talk about the time the six of us stood on stage together. We miss those moments.  

Nichkhun: All those times we spent together were miraculous. I know these 5 friends I have worked with are my best friends. They are friends I love the most. These are friends who can sacrifice their lives for each other. I have worked with these friends and our job is to make people happy. It's something money can't buy. Fate brings the six of us together. It's quite funny when you think about it. I am not Korean. I had never thought of being a singer. I had no desire to enter showbiz. Then I met these 5 friends. It's simply miraculous.      

Vogue: What do you guys talk about besides your work?  

Nichkhun: We spend only 10% of the time talking about our work. 90% are spent on nonsense stuffs. 😂

Nichkhun: I have tried to encourage my friends to play golf. Chansung and Taec have started to play golf. I am still trying to convince others to play too.

Vogue: How long have you played golf?

Nichkhun: Almost 5 years. I like to play golf because I can compete with myself. I play badminton too. It's hard to defeat the other player who's really talented. With golf, I compete with myself. Every time I play, the conditions are different; wind, rain, grass, or myself. It teaches me to be with the present moment. If we think too far ahead, we won't see the target in front of us. We should move forward step by step.      

Vogue: I saw you taking a lot of photos with kids on your IG.  

Nichkhun: I love children. When I went to USA and met my cousin's kids, I wanted to give them good memories which may make them a little happier when they grow up. I want to give them my love. When I look at children, I am a little envious. You have the whole world in front of you. Your life is just beginning. You can be whatever you want to be. It depends on how many good people you will meet during the course of your life, how many good and bad things you will encounter, and how much you will be loved.

Nichkhun: That's why I don't want to give children money. I want to give and show them my love. I want these children to know they are valued. I want them to grow up to be a great person. I want the children I have met to know they were born to be loved. They are the light of our world. I want them to know they are important and valued. These are all the basic things I want them to know.

Nichkhun: I love children. But I don't know when I will have my own kids. People have told me loving other people's kids is a different feeling from having my own kids. There are both positive and negative sides. So I think it is not gonna happen anytime soon. Is that right, Hottest? When I post a photo with kids, 50% of my fans would ask, "When are you gonna have kids? We want to see you playing with your kids."

Vogue: How do you play with kids?

Nichkhun: Throwing them in the air. 😂 And I try not to stand over them. I don't want them to feel I am an adult. If they are sitting and playing on the floor, I will lie down. I will lie down on the floor and play with them. I want them to feel that I am their friend. At the same time, I want them to feel that I can protect them and make them feel safe because I am bigger. Playing with kids is delightful. But at a certain point when kids become hyperactive, it is extremely exhausting for me.  If they like being tossed up high, my arms hurt on the next day. 😂  

Vogue: How long have you worked with UNICEF?

Nichkhun: Seven years. My family have donated to several foundations. When I started working in Korea, I saw UNICEF's ad about children who suffered from malaria. I asked my manager to call them and asked for more details. UNICEF staff in Korea saw my name after I made a donation. They called to thank me. Then years later, UNICEF Thailand asked me to be Friend of UNICEF. I accepted the invitation to be a spokesperson for them.

Nichkhun: For the past 7 years, I have met children in several slums. You won't believe there's a slum right next to a shopping mall in Bangkok. Six to seven families live in a very crowded space not bigger than a bag shop in a shopping mall. People should not have to live in a living condition like that. There are a lot of kids there who should be in schools but they have to work to help support their family or have to take care of their younger siblings. 

Nichkhun: I visited and talked with a family there. The grandparents called their grandkids that it was time to eat. I asked them what did they prepare. The grandkids came running and looked so happy. Then I saw the grandpa took out a ball of old sticky rice, sprinkled some salt, and gave it to their kids who ate it happily.        

Nichkhun: To be frank, I can't totally change their world and the living conditions of people in these slums. The best I can do is telling people as much as I can about what I have seen in these slums. It's not that people aren't interested in these issues. I think they don't realize somewhere not far from their home, there're hundred thousand people who don't have fundamental rights and opportunities they deserve.          

Vogue: Some people know UNICEF help children and they may want to make a donation. Can you tell us how these donations are spent?  

Nichkhun: The most important part is for buying food for children. Especially for children who live in areas that are difficult to access, we provide them with Ready-to-Use-Therapeutic Foods (RUTF) paste, medicines, and water. We have a great campaign that encourages reading too. It's a mobile library campaign. We rent trucks, made them into mobile libraries, and drove to faraway villages in the countryside.  

Nichkhun: Some people may think, "I'm not rich. I don't have extra money to spend on donations." But I think 10 baht or 100 baht monthly donation can make a lot of difference. If people come together and help, it can move things forward. You don't have to donate 10,000 or 100,000 baht. It doesn't have to reach a certain amount of money to be considered a donation. If it truly comes from your heart, 1 baht is enough. If a person makes a 1 baht donation, we will get 10,000 baht from 10,000 people. 10,000 baht can be spent on a lot of things including vaccines and food for kids.    

Nichkhun talked about his Thai horror film ‘Cracked’ which should be released this year but it depends on situations regarding covid.

Vogue: Normally are you scared of ghosts?  

Nichkhun: It's not that I'm not scared. Let's say I am not scared that much. But if you want me to go to a remote, deserted place at night alone, I won't go. 😂

Nichkhun: There was a time that I experienced what Thais call Pee-Um.

(Note: ‘Pee-Um’ means a suffocating feeling / sleep paralysis while falling asleep which is believed to be caused by a spirit.)

Nichkhun: It happened when I stayed at a hotel. It's the first time I stayed at that hotel. People often say after you feel suffocated, when you open your eyes, you will see a ghost sitting on your chest. Sometimes, you will see a ghost standing near your bed. It's the first time I experienced these feelings. I was sleeping. When I opened my eyes, I knew I couldn't move.  I tried as much as I could to open my eyes, raise my head, and look around the room. I hoped to see someone there in the room but, unfortunately, I couldn't see him/her. I was scared but I truly wanted to know whether I had that kind of sense. Too bad I couldn't see anyone so I went back to sleep. 😅

Vogue: Your fans want to know when you will be back to Thailand.

Nichkhun: Today my mom asked me the same question, "When will you come home?" If I go back to Thailand to work on an event/a job, I may spend 2 days working. But I will have to spend 14 days in quarantine (in Thailand). When I come back to Korea, I will have to spend another 14 days in quarantine in Korea too. One month is over. 😅

Nichkhun: So it's difficult to deal with my work in other countries right now. I really want to work and go to several places. Normally, I often flew and worked in several countries. During this time, I have stayed home for months. I'm not used to it. My electricity bill last month is a bit higher than usual. 😂

Nichkhun: I hope everyone is not bored with waiting for me. I hope you guys are healthy. Don't forget to exercise. It's really important. Try to eat food that's good for your health. Keep smiling. It will help make our world a little brighter.

[Thai-Eng trans by Daffodil0624] 

THREAD on Twitter  

Video by Vogue Thailand  ▶️  https://youtu.be/YLySZaAkscA

[speckledbears]

Thoughts on “Far From Home”

SPOILERS FOR “Spider-Man: Far From Home”!!!!

this is for you anon

ok so basically i thought that it would have been good if it wasn’t a Spider-Man (“children’s”) movie.

Like, I think Quentin (Jake G) was such an interesting character, and an amazing villain but, I hated that his entire reason was because he wanted to be the New Iron Man. It bugs me to NO END that THATS the reason. Tony stole the projector tech he made, made fun of him (even if the audience didn’t know), and fired him. I think that’s a much better reason than wanting to be the next Annoying, Mean, Rich Rich Rich So Fucking Rich Metal Guy. The tech was so fucking cool? Like, projectors that seemed so lifelike,,, that’s so cool (also i kinda feel like you could relate it to how disney is only using GCI now but the russos are dumbasses). And like, the story Quentin and his team put together for Mysterio, and all the planning and the production value (if you can call it that lol) was so interesting and I was so intrigued. If there was a movie for him, and he didn’t fucking suck, I would pay to see it. His issue is that he’s so hellbent on killing Peter, MJ and Ned that I was put-off from like, half the movie. It’s kinda terrifying that someone can say, “I’ll just have to kill the kids myself,” and NO ONE IS CONCERNED??? And the fact that he was willing to kill innocent civilians just to make headlines, that’s fucked (and modern). Also, I think the directors missed out on a big opportunity for Peter to have a new father figure. Peter looked up to Quentin, trusted him, seeked him out for advice, like he would a father. I don’t remember him ever doing that with Tony. Peter was always too worried he was bothering him, and Tony seemed to brush him off a lot. Sure, Tony picked him and placed so much faith in him but, in the end? I feel Peter became more of a toy for the Avengers than an actual team member. If Quentin had been a good guy, doing this shit for the “right reasons” (idk like, taking the burden of becoming Iron Man off Peter, and maybe mentoring him) he could’ve been AMAZING. I still love him (except his dumb reasons) but, y’all missed out!!!!

Next: The whole deal with Peter being chosen by Tony to be the next Iron Man. Fucking hate that shit!!!!! Peter is a CHILD, he’s 16, and obviously he’s not ready for that responsibility!!!! In the movie, he’s manipulated by Quentin (which i lowkey also hate and explained above) and he just!!! gave EDITH to him!!!!! He’s a good kid, but not mature or responsible enough to handle having access to that kind of tech. I mean, dude almost killed a classmate?? Literally called a drone strike on the kid, couldn’t figure out how to cancel it, and destroyed the drone himself. Let’s not forget that this responsibility was FORCED ON HIM BY TONY???? Like, there was this scene where Peter literally told Quentin that he didn’t want EDITH!!! He didn’t want that kind of responsibility that came with being Iron Man!!! All he wanted for the summer was to hang out with his friends and kiss the girl he likes!!! Peter just wanted to be a normal child for one summer and, apparently, that was too much to ask for. Also, in the scene where Happy and Peter are in the jet talking about Tony, Peter says that he doesn’t know if he can be the new Iron Man. Happy doesn’t even hesitate when he says, “No, you can’t. No one can replace him.” Like hello!!!! And then they immediately forget that little nugget of wisdom, and Peter starts playing with Tony’s tech and literally everyone with eyes can draw the parallels between Peter and Tony. It’s frustrating. I hated how Tony was treated after his death. I completely understand mourning a character, especially one as important as Tony Stark, but it didn’t feel like mourning. It felt like worshipping. Tony had become a martyr, and he fucking knew it (EDITH = Even Dead, I’m The Hero 🙄) and people are still licking his boots. It’s just so weird that, even though he’s supposed to be dead, he’s still a main character and RDJ isn’t even in the movie!!!!!!!! When a character dies, that’s it, they can’t directly influence the story anymore, and yet Tony is still the reason for everything Peter does? He doesn’t have his own initiative. He lived and breathed in Tony’s shadow, and he’ll live in it forever. He’s being forced to become the next Iron Man. And believe me, I love Tony. I grew up watching the “Iron Man” movies with my parents and brother, and I remember watching one in the theatre and laughing till I cried. Guys! He’s dead! He’s done more than enough! It’s Spider-Man’s turn now.

I really hated Nick Fury in this movie. I grew up watching the OG Marvel movies and I loved Nick, but holy fuck. This dude hounded Peter, a CHILD, for help against those Elementals when he could’ve literally asked anyone else (side note: he shot Ned with a tranquilizer dart like? dude he’s a child calm down-). He gave a shit ton of excuses for why he couldn’t get in contact with the other Avengers but, I call bullshit. This dude is like, one of the most powerful men in the world (Quentin’s words, but it’s also been proven in other movies). He managed to track down Peter, how is it THAT HARD for him to find an adult??? Then he hijacked the school trip so that Peter would be in Prague, and he KNEW that once Peter was there he would help. It’s manipulation. Never mind the scene like, 5 mins later where Peter says he’s worried about his friends getting hurt (and having EDITH but not really understanding her), and Nick exploded on him. LIKE DUDE??? he’s a child. I’m also super pissed off at the fact that Nick manipulated Peter using his Avenger status. OOOOHHHH you whore!!! Literally everyone knows that Peter loved Tony (🙄🙄) and he used him against Peter! ASK AN ADULT FOR HELP YOU HAVE AN ENTIRE TEAM OF THEM????? Oh also, the bitch KNEW Quentin was evil. There’s a scene that proves it. It’s right after their first meeting where Peter says no, and leaves. Nick and Maria (the brunette lady hes always with, im surprised i remembered her name) share a knowing glance. They fucking KNOW. And yet?? They let Quentin do whatever the hell he wants?? He literally tried to kill 3 teenagers, and planned to kill hundreds of civilians in London (and i’m not sure if anyone did get hurt or died but, i wouldn’t be surprised). But the most powerful man in the world can’t stop him, apparently. He wants a 16-year-old CHILD to do it for him. It’s ridiculous!

The romance was also a bit hit-or-miss for me. Like, Ned and Betty?? It felt so forced and contrived? It literally only existed so that MJ could take Ned’s place. Y’all notice that Ned basically ditched his best friend for the entire movie for some girl he barely knows? Also, the fact that they “fell in love” on an eight hour flight. Hate that. It’s such a trope and it’s ugly. The romance with Happy and May was kinda weird, too? I mean, I don’t know their past together. I didn’t watch “Infinty War” or “Endgame” but, it also felt forced. Especially at the end, when Peter asked if they were dating!! May said no and Happy said yes!! I’m assuming that’s supposed to be comedy?? ig??? Anyway, I didn’t really like the romantic rivalry between Brad and Peter? (btw no shit i almost called peter “tony” i’m telling y’all they’re synonymous now). Like, Brad’s logic in using the photo of Peter stripping to “expose the truth” about Peter to MJ was so weird and awkward? The entire scene felt forced and I was so uncomfortable watching it. Also, MJ would’ve stuck up for Peter anyway, so it didn’t even matter, and the rivalry was dropped so easily after the opera in Prague. I did actually like the romance between Peter and MJ, even though I wasn’t expecting to. It’s a bit weird how quickly he got over Liz, but whatever; he’s a teenager. (I was going to comment on the necklace thing but, that’s actually kind of in character for him so, y’all get ONE (1) pass). I thought their hug and kiss at the end of the battle with Quentin was super fucking sweet and innocent, and it was refreshing compared to most teen romance movies where they act like adults instead. I was in LOVE with that scene, and it was one of the only scenes I honestly loved.

Ok, I wanna go back to Quentin for a bit. This dude absolutely destroyed the Peter Parker we were given in HOCO, and at the beginning of the movie. Yeah, Tony already had him as a puppet, but Quentin took his innocence. Y’all saw how easily Peter trusted people before him!! Like?? When he found out Quentin manipulated him, he lost almost all his faith in other people, except for MJ and Ned. For example, the scene where Peter calls Happy to pick him up because he’s in a holding cell in the Netherlands? Love that scene BUT! As he’s limping over to Happy, so obviously fucked up and hurting, he makes Happy prove it’s really him. THAT FUCKING HURT LMAO!!!!! I hated that. And that last battle with Quentin on the bridge? He maneuvered so easily through the drones, it was impressive, and he’d only fought against them once before (seems impossible but whatever). And watching the projections dissolve away into just pixels and a scared little bitch in a fish bowl helmet? Classic Theatre. But, he was traumatized by previous experiences fighting Quentin. Peter’s growth made the movie good but, his loss of innocence really made this movie kinda suck. Sure, his innocence still there—the scenes later with MJ prove that—but he’s still lost his easy trust in other people. It hurt to see. And, like, I’m not saying he can’t be more mature but, he didn’t even trust Happy!! He’s so paranoid that he’ll find his loved ones replaced by Quentin’s illusions!! It sucks!!!! Peter isn’t Peter without that sense of childlike wonder, curiosity, and helpless faith in others.

Anyway, I wanna talk about that Netherlands scene again because, holy shit, I loved it. After Peter was hit by that train (i actually screamed but the cinematography inside the train? *kiss*), he wakes up in some holding cell in the Netherlands with a band of friendly locals, and the guard, who’s talking on the phone with his pregnant wife. I don’t know why but, that scene was one of the first to make me smile? Like, it was so sweet how the other men were so happy for the guard and his wife, how they gave Peter a spare shirt because he looked cold, how Peter just broke the lock and left? How the guard was wearing Peter’s mask???? I’m in love. The next scene I liked was literally right after, of Peter limping through the tulip field, and Happy landing the jet nearby. Without dialogue, that scene is so pretty?? The petals stirring in the wave the jet left as it landed?? The HUG???? UGH! I fell in love. Another scene I loved was the scene when Peter went to Berlin to meet with Nick Fury and Quentin manipulated it with the projection technology. Even though I knew it was fake, I was worried about what was going on outside the projection (he got hit by a fucking train so,,,,,, iwas right to be worried-). Watching Peter so helpless and trying to stay vigilant was so heartbreaking, yet I was lowkey impressed. Like? How many other mean ass men could pull that off? None, next question. I can’t even think about how to explain it. I watched that scene at least 3 times, and was amazed every time, my only thoughts anxiety for Peter.

Okay, lastly, I wanna talk about the tech. I thought it was so interesting and unique. Like, I’ve played with the idea of projection in stories, or with characters as magic but, never considered applying it through technology, especially tech as capable as it is. And every scene where the projections were being used were amazing. I mean, obviously it’s CGI, but in the context of the MCU, it’s so interesting and cool to see tech like that used in a very public way. And no one knew!!! The whole system (along with Quentin and his team) was so good at camouflaging that I was fooled at the beginning of the movie. I seriously believed in the Elementals and Mysterio’s ruined Earth. It’s part of the reason I really enjoyed his character. And, like I said earlier, Peter was fooled by it too; everyone was. He learned it, eventually. But not before Quentin could manipulate the situation one last time and claim Peter called the drone attacks on London, and revealed his identity.

All in all, I didn’t have fun watching “Far From Home,” and it’s mainly because it didn’t feel like a Spider-Man movie. I enjoyed “Homecoming,” so much more. The villain was far more relatable (even though you could see it as demonizing the poor), Ned and Peter’s friendship was so wholesome and sweet, the entire cast was fun, and it was more enjoyable than watching some angry rich white man trying to kill children so he can get richer.

[pochighlights-blog]

Featuring... Kitty Chen ‘21

Kitty is a first generation immigrant and first generation college student who grew up in Shanghai before moving to San Francisco at the age of 10. She describes herself as being endlessly curious about people, which manifests in her academic fields of study– Kitty is a double major in economics and psychology, with an “unofficial” minor in architecture. She enjoys using the different lenses of academic theory to understand study of behavior, choice, and space. After Smith, she plans to pursue a career in business.

Although she has lived in America for half her life, she is very passionate about retaining her Shanghainese culture and traditional Chinese values. Her status as an immigrant is both her greatest challenge and her proudest accomplishment. When she first arrived in SF, she struggled with overcoming the language barrier, and disliked speaking up in classes unless she was able to articulate provocative conversations in English. After years of practice and falling in love with stories and reading novels in her own time and in her AP English courses (her favorite book is East of Eden), she realized that “One day, my English is just as good as people who were born and raised here.” This realization taught her she could achieve anything with enough determination and perseverance. Now, when faced with challenges, she draws on this notion of fearlessness: “I build my wings on the way down.”

Because of her Eastern cultural background, she is incredibly group-oriented. She approaches all her group commitments with the goal of creating diverse experiences, because her value is to leave a community a little better than she encountered it. “You don’t see a lot of Asian leadership in the business world, or in psychology. That made me want to pursue those fields and show people what an Asian presence looks like.” In the Fall, she was teaching assistant for Intro to Psychology, and has been a research assistant since her first year. On Monday nights, you can find her at BridgeUp meetings.

Today, Kitty is deeply involved in the design-thinking and entrepreneurial community on campus. She is competing in the Draper Entrepreneurship competition this year, is a member of the Smith Start-Up Consulting Group, and is currently participating in a Valley Ventures Mentors startup accelerator program. Kitty also runs the Smith College Consulting Club (IG @scconsultingclub) as the Marketing Director, and puts together events to support fellow students who want to enter the field of consulting. Her motivation stems from turning creative problem-solving into a career!

She wants remind new Smithies of the power of mindset. Adjusting to Smith, and any college, is hard, but “your mindset is the most powerful belief you can hold on to because it will inevitably get you to where you need to go.”

[keliareauchel]

Time is Valuable for Coaches and Clients

Your time is valuable, right? And you greatly value the time of those you serve too. Time is valuable for coaches and clients.

Whether or not you are a business coach or life coach, many of you consider ideas that help you maximize time and be of tremendous value and service to others.

With that in mind, I'll periodically share some of the things I’ve learned in various settings where I worked as a type of coach or peer support. Some things will be more on the administrative side. Everything is geared toward giving you information that may help you authentically convey or display how valuable you are as a coach or mentor, as well as showing clients that you genuinely honor them, their time, and their efforts. Because we all know that time is valuable for coaches and clients. It’s the one thing that once it’s sowed, we either reap blessings or lessons (which are also blessings, but that’s another post or two or more…!)

Today's post will be about maintaining client files. Yep. Keep reading if you wonder why it’s impactful or skip straight to the bottom and read the quote graphic it’s summed up in four neat steps. When you scroll to VERY bottom, you will find another surprise as well that you are welcome to download if you would find it useful.

Why is it impactful to maintain client files?

Not all coaches maintain client files, but it’s highly beneficial for them to do so--even if they do not have the client already plugged into regular sessions. Once you decide to have client files, you may want to create a document or blurb on your website that details your policy on how long you retain the notes and how the notes will be used. (Check back for a new blog post about that soon, if you’re curious.)

Some coaches ask clients to fill out the same coaching plan form before every session. They don't always ask questions related to what is written on the forms. Many clients may notice this type of thing and wonder about the purpose of filling out a new coaching plan every time when they last spoke with their coaches about plans a month ago and filled out a detailed 1-to-5 year plan or a 30-day, 60-day, 90-day plan already. Some coaches just take notes and throw away or delete the notes after each session. I personally would not do this, because I don’t find it helpful to remembering what to talk about next time, and most who have coached or mentored do prefer to have some notes on hand to review (and pray about) before each session.

Clients who are ready to do the deeper levels of work required for them to achieve the results they seek often do not need to fill out the same coaching plan form multiple times. Not all may have printed out their own copy of the first form they filled out—encouraging them to consider doing this may increase the productivity and/or level of rapport built as the client sees your efficiency and attention to detail and gains confidence in their end of the process (doing the work it takes to achieve the results they want.) Most clients will print it out or save a copy of it anyway, but some might not. The clients who are not keeping track of their own goals may not be ready to do some of the work. Nobody reaches their goals solely by keeping a vision of the end in mind.

A stitch in time creates more of what you want and less time patching things together

What some coaches may see as saving time and work on their end is actually a missed opportunity to A. demonstrate that even a short-term coaching plan can be part of a long-term bigger picture…that it's serious and important for the client to work with a coach; B. show the coach is a professional who they can go to continuously for strategy on their long-term goals; C. model good planning, work ethic, and other things the coach hopes to impart to clients.

Not having notes to refer to might be perceived by some as having so few clients, you remember every detail that is needed (um? not humanly possible!) or so many that you just don’t care either way. It can be awkward or frustrating to carry a conversation with someone who treats each session like the client is a whole new person or when the coach is asking about details that even if they have many clients, they could focus on the one in front of them much better if they had taken a quick note or had a file to read. Imagine if you paid for higher-level coaching and brought your best attention and effort to the meeting with your coach every quarter or month, and the coach did not ask about progress on the main steps you were working on, but instead asked what the step even was or what business you are even in.

Better questions and results can come forth during better conversations.

Give yourself grace

When you are just starting as a coach, there is a lot of grace in the learning process. Be gentle with yourself if you personally have experienced the impact of not keeping client files for reference purposes. Learn from it and develop your own plan for how to handle that part of the process. You likely studied and trained for many important aspects of the work that make a difference, and may not have learned about or focused as much on the administrative side of things. No one is going to know you don’t do this unless they have also been a coach before or get into conversations or interactions with you that show you don’t keep a file. And they might not see it as a bad thing either, just something you do differently than they would.

This post is not to call other practices wrong. It’s just to help you consider how a seemingly minor administrative detail can make a huge difference in the process of helping clients go out and make a huge difference too. It may seem like a kindness and not a necessity to keep a client file, especially since business or life coaching is not the same thing as counseling or higher level business consultation, but I promise you the nuances of impact on the process conveys tremendous honor and value to those you serve. It can lead to higher level business consultation with some clients, recommendations to good new clients and other potentially awesome things.

I’ll soon write some blog posts about how to be a good client too!

If you've got questions or comments, you can DM me, comment here or send me an email. ^_^ I'm happy to share how I came up with what is in this post. I am not currently accepting new clients, but may open up again for that soon as I start pivoting a bit more!

Want some different quote graphics to share on your pages? Want to see what random things I post elsewhere? ^_^ Follow me on FB & IG.

Would you like free coach/client notes forms for your client files? I’ve created a simple set of coaching notes you can use to stay updated on the progress of your clients, share insights, and refer to during strategy sessions or right before a new session.

Download Client Notes Lite in Google Docs PDF format

[killcapitalizm]

since u asked; wanda maximoff

summary: wanda makes a new friend months after having no one. romance ensues.

word count: 1,960

warnings: i didn’t edit this (do i edit anything?) and this probably isnt my best fic ahhh. 

a/n: as much as i love peter parker, i still need to satisfy my own gay needs. i love wanda. she's cute. i listened to/loosely based this off of since u asked by swim good x merival. anyways back to peter after this y'all dont worry

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And after the violence against Ultron that had resulted in her dear brother’s death, Wanda had decided that maybe shutting out others would be the best way to cope with that. It was awfully lonely but she’d rather sew her own heart back together than have Steve lay his hands all over it, where he’d surely expose her raw emotions to whoever asked him. As much as she appreciated him, he was terribly pushy.

Really, everyone of the Avengers had their own traits of pushiness. It made the compound feel incredibly smaller than it was. Despite how much her privacy was respected, when she emerged she felt emotionally violated. It was unclear to her how no one, not even Natasha, who didn’t even let herself witness her own true feelings, understood that she’d like to keep her trauma to herself.

But within all the metaphorical walls she was able to find peace, and that lied with you. You were a strange sight to her, to see someone so young working with the older members of the group. And yes, she too was young, but that is one thing that set her apart. You were older than her, but not by much. Your face shone with soft innocence. She wondered if you were supposed to be here, in a group of people whose pasts were all either written in the bags under their eyes or desperately painted over, so obvious that you could only assume what they’d seen.

Your eyes were kind, too kind. The bags under then were lighter than even hers, and they came from the history of a student rather than of an abused child or being raised to kill or seeing your best friend fall to his death. Wanda had once dared to peer into your mind, and you hadn’t noticed because you had no powers like she did. She assumed that you must be incredibly smart, as that was the only factor she could think of that would allow you into such a specific group of superheroes.

Later, that assumption was confirmed, when Steve had noticed how carefully Wanda was observing you.

“Stark found her, as per usual,” he had said. “Her name is Y/N. She’s really smart. Good with technology, science. Pretty wise for her age, too. You should talk to her.”

“And why should I talk to her?” Wanda watched you from afar as you followed Bruce off to wherever.

“Because she’d be good for you. I say that a lot, but she doesn’t act like us adults. She’d understand you better than I ever could.”

“Sure,” said she, but the urge to talk to you overcame her just as strongly as the urge to close herself off had cam all those months ago.

You mostly hovered around Bruce, which made it hard for her to approach you. Wanda knew Bruce held a grudge against her for the time she had pried at his head and that provoked a fear of him. A silent warning to keep a distance between him and herself. Steve insists she has nothing to fear.

But it was a real fear. So instead, she opted to wait until you were away from Banner and had your hands free of any work. Granted, she had to wait for another week, but she had learnt that it was worth that wait.

She caught you on your way to lunch one day, and indeed you were what Steve had said and everything she had wished you were. Kind and glowing. You asked her to lunch and she was more than happy to comply.

After you had convinced her to grab more than just an apple for lunch, you sat down with her and conversation turned out to be easier than Wanda had expected. You got her to talk about things that Steve Rogers couldn’t pry from her after months of trying.

“It’s terribly lonely,” said Wanda as she ate a full sandwich for the first time since she returned from Sokovia. “But it never feels right to share with anyone. I do trust everyone but not with my thoughts. Without my brother, I haven’t been able to really talk to someone.”

“You’re talking to me.” You smile. “You don’t have to tell anyone anything, despite how badly Steve wants you to share. If you feel lonely, there will be people who will listen to what you have to say. Sometimes you can’t wait for your feelings to catch up. Sometimes you need to talk, and after those first few words it becomes much easier to speak.”

“How old are you?” Wanda asks.

“Nineteen, dear, I’ve already told you.”

“Irrelevant,” she tells you. “Your words are older than your body.”

“How eloquent of you.” Your cheeks turn pink.

“Where do you get your advice from?”

“Myself.”

“Tell me how.”

“Well, since you asked,” you sigh lightly. “I should say I don’t really know. I’m a grown up now. Keeping a thin outlook on life is a waste of my youth.”

“Tell me more.” Wanda leans on the table.

“I don’t know. Leave the past in the past. Look to the future with a broad gaze. I speak from emotional experience. Being good with words helps, too.”

She wanted to look into your head, but something told her not to. There was a peculiar beauty in leaving your thoughts unknown to her, in letting you tell her when you wanted to.

Her room was on the other side of the compound but that didn’t stop you two from seeing each other every day.

She went to you with her thoughts and emotions and she found solace in your gentle brightness. She cried once when talking about her brother. You held her to your chest and your heartbeat reminded her to breathe. You told her that her awful sadness won’t last and then you told her a story of your aunt that found strength in colors and she blushed when you told her she’d look lovely in yellow. She decided to tell Steve, who was incredibly happy that Wanda had made a friend and perhaps something more, she told him that her heart feels so amazingly light when you smile. Steve told her that she was feeling love and she asked him what that is. He told her, “Wait a bit, and when you need to know, ask Y/N.”

She wanted to ask again, but she decided to follow Steve’s advice. So she waited, she waited for a month until that feeling in her heart was so strong that she was sure that her chest would burst open. A month of talking to you daily, really talking. She started to sleep in your room instead of her own, and then she sometimes would sleep in the same bed as you. You’d hold her close with a knowing smile and you waited along with her through all of those nights of agonizingly amazing hugs.

And after that month of being able to talk to someone, she decided that she had to know what Steve meant by love. She had love for her brother and love for her mentors and love for the little children she’d sometimes see when she was out and about; each was a different kind of love.

“Steve told me I love you,” Wanda said one morning after a night of sleeping with your limbs tangled together.

You paused and turned to her, a shirt in hand. “Steve said that?” You didn’t bother to hide a smile.

“Yes,” she answered. “He said to ask you when I really need to know what he meant.”

“Well, that’s clever of him.” You put on the shirt and sit next to her on your bed. “I suppose he wants me to explain this to you.”

“I’d assume so.”

“I’ll start by saying that I love you, too.” Wanda felt her heart swell and she rested her hand on her chest to keep it from tearing through her skin. “There are different kinds of love, I’m sure you know that, and I can only hope you feel the same love for me as I do for you.”

“What kind of love do you feel?”

“Romantic love.” You bite your lip, hard.

“Tell me what that is.” She’s certain that she feels romantic love for you. Absolutely sure, but she wants to know what it is.

“Well, there’s a love for family and a love for friends, but love for a lover is stronger than that. If your romantic love is true- and I assure you, mine is- then it is greater than any other love. That doesn’t cancel out everything else, but it is entirely different.” You swallow. “Typically, you’d want to spend the rest of your life and then more with your lover.”

“I feel that,” Wanda said. “I feel that. For you.”

“Are you sure?” You take her hand in yours.

“I’m sure.”

“How sure?”

“Certain.”

You focused only on her hand, doubting her supposed certainty. You refused to make eye contact, because although she respected your privacy and didn’t ever dare to use her powers to look into your head, you knew she could very easily tell how you felt from your expression. The more time she spent with you, the more she noticed the smallest of details about you.

“I’m certain, Y/N,” she repeats, “I know this.”

“I don’t know if you do,” you say. “I don’t think I explained it well. Really, you can’t explain love at all, so you can’t just trust me to tell you how you feel…”

“But I know what I feel. I love you, a different kind of love than what I feel for everyone else or what I feel for my brother.” She places her other hand on yours. “Much stronger, but in an entirely different sense. Something greater than all other feelings. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Your heart swelled in your chest and you gripped her hand firmly. “Oh, Wanda,” you murmur, finally daring to lift your head. Her face is just inches from yours, and you can’t help yourself after hearing how she spoke about you. You lean forward and kiss her, and to your surprise she kisses you back. You had thought that since she had supposedly didn’t know what romantic love was, she hadn’t known how to kiss (really, she was just doing what you were doing).

Something swelled again in your heart, stronger this time, and you freed one hand and placed it at the back of her neck; when you pressed closer, you could feel the heat of her face on your skin and both of you knew that your hands were getting awfully clammy. Soon you’d pull away only to have her pull you back. She really didn’t know how to kiss, it was sloppy and new.

You managed to pry her from your lips long enough to hold a short conversation, “Does this mean we’re dating?”

“What does that mean?” She kept her face close by, eager to continue.

“You know, when you love someone as a friend and everyone knows you’re friends… When you love someone like this, you first begin with dating.”

“Then we’re dating.”

“That means you’re my girlfriend.” You couldn’t help the smile that overcame your face.

“And are you my girlfriend?”

“Yes.” She matched your smile before pulling you back in.

“So you told her?” Steve hums. She’s been sharing a lot more with him lately.

“Yeah, she’s…” Wanda bites back a stupid smile. “She’s my girlfriend now.”

“Girlfriend?” His face beamed with pride. “That’s great.”

“Yeah,” she sighed, rolling her eyes when he gave her a suggestive thumbs-up. “Yeah. She’s great.”

[sarahfalciani]

3 years ago I was medicated out of my mind, just released from a military psych ward after having a full psychotic break, with a plan to end my life.

1 year ago today I was in the process of extracting myself from my 6 year long abusive relationship.

October 10th is my no contact anniversary. October 11th is my release date from the hospital.

Today I woke up, feeling present and grounded. I had a pretty cool dream/vision that ended up being a really cool metaphor for my coaching program that I've created for you (I'll save that story for another day's blog post). It woke me up at 0345 and I couldn't go back to sleep, so I got in my car, grabbed some Starbucks, and started driving in random circles listening to music and reflecting on my life.

I have been in therapy and worked with coaches here and there consistently since the year of my hospitalization. I have been off meds for a little over a year now. I have one successful business and another one that is taking off at a rapid rate. I'm in a master's program that I love, doing the research I've intended on pursuing since freshman year of undergrad 10 years ago. I'm a professional coach. I'm about to be a published author. I'm almost out of debt. I'm physically healthy, and have a deep love and acceptance for my mental health and dedicate time every day to my self care and my personal growth and development.

And you know, I still have days where I can't get off the couch. I still get anxiety in big groups of people. I still have some pretty deep trust issues with men & love that will take time and consistent work to heal. I still numb my emotions sometimes with one (or two) too many glasses of wine. I still cry in the shower sometimes because I just feel sad and alone. The idea of ending my life even still crosses my mind sometimes, although it's more and more rare as time goes on.

I don't get up at the same time every day. Hell, sometimes I sleep all day and work all night. I don't do the same thing every day. I don't exercise every day or follow a diet anymore. I don't follow rules or structure in any way, shape or form. Not because I made it a point to be a rebel or anything (hint: that would be choosing to follow a set of rules or structure in it's own right...) but because I made a choice to be happy doing exactly what I want every day, without judgment.

Being a leader, being a coach, being "successful" (whatever the fuck that means, anyway), having a voice doesn't mean I've got it all figured out all the time. I don't. I'm a human being who has just embraced exactly where she's at and made up her mind that she was enough exactly as she is in this moment.

It doesn't mean I'm happy all the time, or positive all the time. But I AM in tune with my needs. I AM in tune with my identity (and even that shifts & expands daily). I don't have it all figured out, but I've come a long way since my days of being in hospital-issued PJs, not allowed to write with anything more than a pencil the length of my thumb and having to ask a nurse every time I wanted a cup of water. I have come a long way since leaving my relationship.

I chose radical responsibility. Radical self love. Radical self acceptance. Radical self care. I stopped hiding and I did the work. And I show up every single day and I choose to do the work. Inside and out. The good, bad, and ugly of it.

I never not once have shut up about "that coaching thing" and now I am WELL on my way to having a fully booked coaching practice which is going to change the world, helping one person at a time to fall in love with themselves and their life exactly as it is TODAY.

Never not once will I stop sharing my story. Never not once will I not be real with y'all. Never not once will I not show up for myself, and for you. My one hope is that by sharing my experiences with the hospital, the military, my relationship, my rape, my mental health, and every other dark and twisty (and sunshine filled barrels of AWESOME) parts of my journey that you will know that you are never alone. Even if it feels like you are, you're not.

You're loved. I love you.

So with that, Happy Anniversary week to me, and thank you so much for being a part of my journey. Special shout out to the human who took me to the hospital (even when I didn't want to go. You know who you are. I owe you my life ❤) and those who visited me while I was there. Thank you to my coaches, my therapists, my family, and my friends who have been there all hours of the day and night, on the worst days AND on the best days. I'm so excited to report that the best days are happening more and more, and the VERY best is still yet to come. 🖤💫🤗

Pictures below: the cup they gave me for water in the hospital. I probably will never get rid of it. The IG post I wrote the day I was released. And a picture if me with Ro yesterday at the park.

I love you,

Sarah

P.s. If my story and my message resonates with you and you are interested in working with me:

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I have a few spots left in the beta version of my private coaching program Unapologetically You!

It's an elite, 3 month inner circle one-on-one coaching experience with me that takes you from the box you've been living in to throwing out the rulebook. You're going to get back in touch with WHO you are and what your values are, you're gonna shift the limiting beliefs and bust through blocks that have kept you small and you're going to learn how to start unapologetically showing up in your life with a focus on self love, self care, and an abundance of Queen (or King!!) Energy. I'm going to take you through the exact process that I used to go from small, broken, depressed, controlled by food, codependent in friendships & relationships, and constantly apologizing and anxious, to standing in my power as an Unapologetic Badass.

We're gonna cover money, time, body, food, relationships, friendships, family, self-esteem, business/career, guilt, shame, and anything else that is at your CORE holding you back from where (and who) you want to be.

During our 3 months together you get:

✨ One 30 minute coaching call at the start to set you up for success

✨Two 20 minute coaching calls per month after that

✨Unlimited whatsapp/messenger access for text/voice note coaching as needed

✨Journal prompts

✨PDF trainings

✨And more as we go (beta version = testing some things out. There will be some flexibility with the calls and such)

I know this program is priceless and it has been a long long LONG time coming. Literally my life's purpose. I've lived it. Breathed it. And I've been tasked by the Universe to help others along their journey.

This means the world to me. It's taken me many years, a lot of courses, coaches, mentors, therapy, trial and error, life experiences, journals, meditation sessions, brainstorming, and nights in the fetal position crying in my kitchen to finally find peace with my purpose. This is it. This is what I'm meant to unleash into the world. This is how I'm meant to lead and help others.

This is for every woman (or man) who has ever cried in the shower feeling lost and alone.

This is for me. This is for you.

If this resonated and you would like to grab a spot in the beta version (thank you in advance for being my guinea pigs!!!) DM me with any questions and let's do this shit. ❤

[sparklepantsposse]

Holy CARP, it’s the 11th of March and I haven’t summed up Chapter Two of my 2019 yet like I promised I would!

February was just as awesome as January in my progression toward discovering my Act II: when wife, mother of young ones, and career woman aren’t a part of it like I assumed they always would be. And lest you think my silence means I have fallen of the hayride, let me assure you I have not. I have gone deep into the hay and gotten lost, perhaps, but I am still on the ride!

On January 31, I shared a pretty amazing list of 10 or 12 things I had accomplished, changed, or made habits in Chapter One of 2019. I must say, I was impressed when I took a look back and I am so glad I wrote it all down as I went. If January was about getting intentional about being in a new place by the end of this year, February has been about getting deep into some of those areas, turning starting points into habits, digging out some cobwebs, and really putting in a ton of hard work learning a new business model. All of these have brought me to a realization that there are some things I need to dig up and throw out even though I think I am pretty okay brushing over them and not giving them any energy or attention.

I actually wrote my next blog over a week ago but I haven’t posted it because in it, I “put on paper” some things I have never put on paper before. These are things I have shared pieces of with different people at different times, but I’ve never sat down and looked at the whole picture. Because it’s not pretty. And even less pretty is the fact that I have been ashamed of these things all of my life even though not one of them is something I have personally done wrong, instigated, or chosen. Instead, they are all things that have been done to me by manipulative people, mostly men, who have taken advantage of my naivety, youth, trust, or one of the other things that I really like about myself. I’ve been “stewing” on this thought for a couple of weeks rather than sharing what else I’ve been up to with you. And that is a topic for a whole other day.

On to my status report! One thing I started and have done every single day since mid-January is make my bed! I don’t know what the magic is, but it’s true and I hear that almost 100% of the world’s most successful people make their bed every day! I’ve certainly always made mine when I was pursuing my dreams, and I noted that I am not sure which came first: not making the bed or no longer pursuing my best self. The important thing is, both are back on track!

I have also shortened my morning routine, learned to keep my self-talk positive, and to replace the bad thoughts with better ones. I fill my commute with great audio books and podcasts on everything from washing your face to money management and digital marketing, and I have spent most of my free time working endless hours on my online business-building course work. I am proud to say that on January 15th, I was not given a final interview because I didn’t know enough about using social media in business and now, just six weeks later, I am finishing up the first part of the course with a social media following, a Facebook group, an understanding of how to grow my following, and a direction for an online coaching and mentoring business. In addition, I have laid out the social media marketing plan skeletons for two potential clients. Much of my content creation has gone into Instagram and Facebook posts rather than into this blog, so I hope it is all starting to pull together for those of you who read it all!

The process of constantly creating thought-provoking messages to share with the sisterhood I am growing on IG and on Facebook has brought that inspired, creative, driven, feisty woman back into my body!  I continue to leave work earlier than I ever have, and I am enjoying dinner and homework time with my fascinating teenagers, creative time to work on growing my online sisterhood, and a lot of personal reflection time as well.

I must admit that I did get busy with my class projects and skipped the yoga and gym for a couple of weeks last month, but I made it back this weekend and feel so much better! And today, I ran 10 of the 30 minutes I was on the treadmill – I believe this was the first partial mile I have run since I was pregnant. – the twins are 15.—Yikes!  I used to run 25 miles a week at least.

In all, my life looks completely different already this year than it did last year. I am healthier, happier, more energetic, and more positive. My butt is smaller, my belly is less wiggly and my face is slimmer. I am sleeping much better and filling my down time with something I love! I’m prepping smoothies and meals on the weekends to help reduce the crazy during the week. I drink less alcohol – in fact I gave up wine for Lent – which is something I never thought I could do or even wanted to do. I must admit, I knew all along it was just a habit, like coffee. I don’t really enjoy either that much, but I made both a reward for making it out of bed in the morning and then for making it through the day in the evening. In just a week I feel really good! And I think I’ve saved at least $50 already!

Through this pursuit of something new—though I don’t yet know what it is—I have discovered my own drive again. How could I have let this go when it was such a huge part of me for 30 years? It wasn’t like I just dumped my ambition one day. No, it was chipped away little by little over time. Some pieces I gave up by choice, in the name of marital compromises or something I thought was necessary to be a better parent. I let others go because they were too hard to fight for daily – like making the bed and keeping a tidy home.  I can look back and tell see all the reasons why I allowed or chose to let my core values and ambitions slip away and even why I believed I had no other choice at the time, but I will never choose this route again. I will however make better choices in the people I choose to live my life with. I will hold tighter to what I know inside is right and will not question my gut nor deny my own truths over and over again. Ah, the gifts of looking back knowing what you know now.

But there is no point in beating myself up over it – who does that serve? I can only use these lessons to catapult myself into the next stage of my life – one in which I am no longer bound by anyone else’s expectations of me or disappointment in themselves. And in this place, I can help other women either not go there in the first place or get through it faster than I did.

In March I am focusing on money. I have had issues with money consistently my entire life. Enough already! My relationship with money has to change and it has to change now. Let’s see where March takes me on this topic! Stay tuned!