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Real Change Doesn’t Take Forever!

Holy CARP, it’s the 11th of March and I haven’t summed up Chapter Two of my 2019 yet like I promised I would!

February was just as awesome as January in my progression toward discovering my Act II: when wife, mother of young ones, and career woman aren’t a part of it like I assumed they always would be. And lest you think my silence means I have fallen of the hayride, let me assure you I have not. I have gone deep into the hay and gotten lost, perhaps, but I am still on the ride!

On January 31, I shared a pretty amazing list of 10 or 12 things I had accomplished, changed, or made habits in Chapter One of 2019. I must say, I was impressed when I took a look back and I am so glad I wrote it all down as I went. If January was about getting intentional about being in a new place by the end of this year, February has been about getting deep into some of those areas, turning starting points into habits, digging out some cobwebs, and really putting in a ton of hard work learning a new business model. All of these have brought me to a realization that there are some things I need to dig up and throw out even though I think I am pretty okay brushing over them and not giving them any energy or attention.

I actually wrote my next blog over a week ago but I haven’t posted it because in it, I “put on paper” some things I have never put on paper before. These are things I have shared pieces of with different people at different times, but I’ve never sat down and looked at the whole picture. Because it’s not pretty. And even less pretty is the fact that I have been ashamed of these things all of my life even though not one of them is something I have personally done wrong, instigated, or chosen. Instead, they are all things that have been done to me by manipulative people, mostly men, who have taken advantage of my naivety, youth, trust, or one of the other things that I really like about myself. I’ve been “stewing” on this thought for a couple of weeks rather than sharing what else I’ve been up to with you. And that is a topic for a whole other day.

On to my status report! One thing I started and have done every single day since mid-January is make my bed! I don’t know what the magic is, but it’s true and I hear that almost 100% of the world’s most successful people make their bed every day! I’ve certainly always made mine when I was pursuing my dreams, and I noted that I am not sure which came first: not making the bed or no longer pursuing my best self. The important thing is, both are back on track!

I have also shortened my morning routine, learned to keep my self-talk positive, and to replace the bad thoughts with better ones. I fill my commute with great audio books and podcasts on everything from washing your face to money management and digital marketing, and I have spent most of my free time working endless hours on my online business-building course work. I am proud to say that on January 15th, I was not given a final interview because I didn’t know enough about using social media in business and now, just six weeks later, I am finishing up the first part of the course with a social media following, a Facebook group, an understanding of how to grow my following, and a direction for an online coaching and mentoring business. In addition, I have laid out the social media marketing plan skeletons for two potential clients. Much of my content creation has gone into Instagram and Facebook posts rather than into this blog, so I hope it is all starting to pull together for those of you who read it all!

The process of constantly creating thought-provoking messages to share with the sisterhood I am growing on IG and on Facebook has brought that inspired, creative, driven, feisty woman back into my body!  I continue to leave work earlier than I ever have, and I am enjoying dinner and homework time with my fascinating teenagers, creative time to work on growing my online sisterhood, and a lot of personal reflection time as well.

I must admit that I did get busy with my class projects and skipped the yoga and gym for a couple of weeks last month, but I made it back this weekend and feel so much better! And today, I ran 10 of the 30 minutes I was on the treadmill – I believe this was the first partial mile I have run since I was pregnant. – the twins are 15.—Yikes!  I used to run 25 miles a week at least.

In all, my life looks completely different already this year than it did last year. I am healthier, happier, more energetic, and more positive. My butt is smaller, my belly is less wiggly and my face is slimmer. I am sleeping much better and filling my down time with something I love! I’m prepping smoothies and meals on the weekends to help reduce the crazy during the week. I drink less alcohol – in fact I gave up wine for Lent – which is something I never thought I could do or even wanted to do. I must admit, I knew all along it was just a habit, like coffee. I don’t really enjoy either that much, but I made both a reward for making it out of bed in the morning and then for making it through the day in the evening. In just a week I feel really good! And I think I’ve saved at least $50 already!

Through this pursuit of something new—though I don’t yet know what it is—I have discovered my own drive again. How could I have let this go when it was such a huge part of me for 30 years? It wasn’t like I just dumped my ambition one day. No, it was chipped away little by little over time. Some pieces I gave up by choice, in the name of marital compromises or something I thought was necessary to be a better parent. I let others go because they were too hard to fight for daily – like making the bed and keeping a tidy home.  I can look back and tell see all the reasons why I allowed or chose to let my core values and ambitions slip away and even why I believed I had no other choice at the time, but I will never choose this route again. I will however make better choices in the people I choose to live my life with. I will hold tighter to what I know inside is right and will not question my gut nor deny my own truths over and over again. Ah, the gifts of looking back knowing what you know now.

But there is no point in beating myself up over it – who does that serve? I can only use these lessons to catapult myself into the next stage of my life – one in which I am no longer bound by anyone else’s expectations of me or disappointment in themselves. And in this place, I can help other women either not go there in the first place or get through it faster than I did.

In March I am focusing on money. I have had issues with money consistently my entire life. Enough already! My relationship with money has to change and it has to change now. Let’s see where March takes me on this topic! Stay tuned!

If my journey and stories are resonating with you and you’d like more as well as a group of beautiful women building new dreams, join us in my Facebook group: Act II -- She Creates her Own Fariytales; and find me on Instagram: @tiffanysusannelson. 

Thanks for your support. I have some doozies to share, so stick with me! I’ll need your support!

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Transformation is not for wimps!

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What I Accomplished My First Month of Trying

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Captain SparklePants’ Call to Action: Claim It! Name It! Game It!

In my first post, I shared that this year I’ve consciously decided to put some muscle behind seeking out the path God has planned for the second half of my life and laying some serious rainbow bricks in that direction. Though it has been a monumental task to heal my soul over the past six years, I realize I haven’t moved my ball in any sort of forward trajectory… And though this part of the heart journey was complex, necessary and extremely valuable, it is time to actively engage, choose, invest and become to ensure I’m not sitting here alone three and half years from now when my kids move out to go live their own lives. Cuz let’s be real, if it wasn’t for them, I’d be in Bali. And I am not waiting ‘till they’re gone to figure it out how I will launch my own new fairy tale. I will have a plane ticket and a packed bag–hopefully literally but maybe figuratively–for the day after they are happily situated in their first dorm rooms, apartments, or youth hostels far away from here. So this year has to be different. I am going toClaim, Name and Gamemy God-given gifts and talents to ensure my own financial, emotional, and spiritual future (Yes, I just “verbed” a noun – thank you!). I’ve started the first steps already—to accept and own the gifts I’ve had all my life and never acknowledged, as well as those that have become mine through every lesson and struggle I’ve faced in 51 years.Next, I will Name the goal and the steps to achieve it. Though I have been tracking my daily steps toward this purposeful evolution of me for the past 26 days, I realized that I don’t really have the goal nailed down! And without a defined measurable goal, ya’ can’t design the plan and document the progress. Really, it’s that simple? The Goal is to determine the Goal? Yep! That’s is! What is it that God put me here to accomplish and gave me all the stuff I need to do it. And who is out there waiting for me to hurry up and figure it out? I used to be really good at this. The first real goals I remember setting were to have my own apartment, have a dog, go to Paris, get my Master’s degree, and live in another country.  I graduated from college in December of 1989 and accomplished all of these goals by 1998. What a great decade that was for me! I also spent a 18 months travelling as a flight attendant, and later, lived in Europe for a year and went to Paris every weekend I chose to, with my two dogs, on the company dime!But things are different now. The last goal I remember setting for myself was to own a home—my own home all by myself. And though it was two decades in the making, it still feels really good to remind myself that I did it!  I chose it, financed it and surprised my kids for their 6thgrade graduation! It was so awesome! So, has it really been 20 years since I set a goal for myself? That’s pretty scary, but I don’t think it’s uncommon. With marriage, our first home, the birth of twins, the NICU, breast cancer and all the mess that goes with it for years, medical bills, a really busy and fulfilling career that included tons of awesome global travel, my husband’s major career changes and loss of jobs, the market mess of 2008, the constant aching pain of an unfulfilling marriage that wasn’t getting better, more health issues, divorce, and the loss of my career and six-figure salary due to a corporate layoff, I guess it’s really no shock that I didn’t set out to achieve big goals for myself every year. I was barely breathing most of this decade and a half. But that’s all done now, and today is a new day. This is a new season for me, and I see the freedom to drive my own path as a great blessing and also as a calling to find what it is I am supposed to do with all that I am to help make the world a better place.  Now how do I go about this? Let me tell you, I am done sitting around waiting for a recruiter to think I’m relevant or a man to think I’m worthy. It is TIME TO MAKE A MOVE. And it’s the beginning of a new year and everyone is talking about setting goals. And I always do too, but never really act on them. Why is that? Goal setting: I do it at work every day like everyone else. We’re given a goal, we put together a plan to achieve it within the timeframe allotted. We measure our progress to that goal, document issues, assess scope changes, measure and mitigate risk, and even revisit the whole thing when management changes direction. This is so engrained we wouldn’t consider embarking on a new work project without understanding the end goal and tracking the progress. We’d get fired! So why do we not take our own programs this seriously? How often do we give anything in our personal lives this kind of planning and thought? On the flip side, what would happen if we treated our work projects the same way we treat our personal goals? — Get to it when you can, dabble a bit here, change direction there, keep some of your commitments but expect grace for those you miss, or just blow off or forget. No way, right? So why would I expect to have any success in my personal life if I the time and don’t understand my strengths and purpose, discover and name my goals according to my strengths and purpose, and set out a non-negotiable plan to achieve them? Why is it that I look back every year and think, “Yeah, I could have done better,” “I could have moved the needle a little more,” “I should have taken a vacation,” or, “Dang, I never did save that nest egg”? My 2019 will be different. I’m treating me like my job: Putting the steps in place, gathering the resources, doing the research, getting rid of distractions, and delegating the nonessentials so I can focus on the goal! Join me, follow me, keep me on track. But mostly, I hope you can learn from me while I stop, and start, and see how far I get. Maybe I will find a new path as I work toward the goal. It’s likely!  I look forward to assessing the progress and comparing it to the past two decades when I let life happen rather than making it happen.Come along with me! Discover your purpose and claim it!, Name just one goal. WRITE IT DOWN, and lets Game it together! We can celebrate our progress together in December from Bali.  Now, back to the 80’s music…This posse is so fortunate: Michael Jackson, Madonna, Prince, Journey, U2…shaping our vision of the world through the power of music! Don’t forget to choose and share your theme song for the year. I have the SparklePantsPosse playlist started on Musi and it’s pretty awesome, but five songs does not a playlist make! I’m waiting for yours! Happy Week! Love, Tiff

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Don’t Ever Let Anyone Steal Your Sparkle

Or your Sparkle Pants! 

Greetings Sparkle Fairies of the Sparkle Pants Posse!

I’ve gotten some great submissions for our “Sparkle On” Playlist from last weeks blog activity.  Here are just a few—don’t forget to send me yours when you figure it out! I’ll be working on putting together so we can all access it! 

From Connie Cox Garcia – Just Fine– Mary J. Blige

From Michelle Fraser – The Break-up Song–Francesca Battistelli

From Jennifer DeBoy – Happiness– Scrooge Soundtrack

From Me – Tonight’s Gonna Be a Good Night – Red Hot Chili Peppers

Give these great songs a listen! I hope they make you smile! 

This week I listened to a podcast where a fellow Sparkle Princess—who, by the way, would rock the heck out of these sparkle pants—talked about the exact thing that led me to start my blog. Though the scenario was different, the headline was THE SAME THING!  Someone, somewhere…actually a lot of people, everywhere… told me I should dull my sparkle! WHAAAAAT?  Who wouldn’t want All This? Shall I start the list:

Colleagues: “Yeah, those of us who know you, Tiff, love your energy and get it, but maybe you should tone that enthusiasm down a bit for a job interview.” – coaching from a friend and former colleague.

Ex-husbands: “There is NOTHING subtle about you,” stated my brand-new husband as he stared at me while I modeled these freaking amazing rainbow-painted, woodgrain, super-high, wedge sandals with strappy, neon ankle ties that went up my calf, while we were boutique shopping in the Hill Country. Photo posted before this post. 

I would have so dropped 300 clams on those babies had he not been there with that look on his face like I had suddenly grown two extra heads—mind you, this was 18 years ago, long before wedge, ankle-tied, strappy, neon sandals were a normal fashion accessory. And sadly, this was not the last time he gave me that look…  

(Fashion-forward thinking as I always am, I did eventually purchase them later that season on sale at Saks while pregnant with twins. I proudly wore them to church and dubbed them my “Strappy Rainbow Pastor’s Wife/Hooker Shoes.” And guess what, no one noticed! And yes, I still have them. They are epic.)

Twin Brother/womb mate: “What are you doing at the Mercedes dealership?! Go to Toyota and get yourself a decent used Camry!” said my brother this past summer when I decided I needed to trade in my darling red Mercedes C300, which I purchased with cash three years before from a friend who was upgrading right about the time my Acura blew up and the entire engine melted in the middle of nowhere on the Mexican/Texas border—yeah, you’ve been hearing about this place in the news lately. A great story for another day. And to his credit, I have been in a crappy financial state since the first penny I earned, so he was absolutely right. However, the initial thought of the suggestion... well, I took it to be more about me than what I drive. And that Mercedes, though It was the cheapest car I have ever bought, considering what I paid for and what I put into it over the three years I loved driving it, was still a symbol to my family that I was not making great decisions in the money area. To me, it was one of the best decisions I ever made, but on the outside, I get where they were coming from. AT lest I Did go to the Toyota dealership at his suggestion, right?

And though I did end up buying a Camry, it was not the Camry you think of when you hear the word Camry! Oh no…this baby looks like a racecar, has a moon roof all the way across the top, is filled with all kinds of sporty touches, and has tons more electronic stuff in it than any Mercedes I drove. But the best part: it has cherry red leather on the inside! I giggle every time is sit my butt in it! All these years, I’ve driven a red car so everyone else could enjoy it. Now, I get to enjoy it myself! Thanks for the advice twin bro – though I don’t think this was the Camry you had in mind for me, I love it! 

So yes, I have been told all my life to “tone it down a bit.” I’ve stretched the boundaries in fashion, laughed louder than I should at work, been a super-creative brainstormer (to the point where colleagues were uncomfortable), taken every chance to travel abroad that was offered to me whether I had the money or not, and made deep personal friendships with bosses. That’s just who I am. The times when I have tried to fit someone else’s idea of who I should be have been disastrous.

Take my as an example: sadly it was a long road deep into the darkening and almost complete extinction of my light, my laugh, my faith and my soul. Suffice it to say, we were not a good match. My intention here is not to bash him; I’ve done plenty of that. But in trying to be whatever it was that I thought I should be as his wife, I had to consistently extinguish my spark, my fire, my creativity, even my laughter, without realizing it was happening.

And at work, I get it. I’m in IT, and I clearly do not fit the mold with my long, big, red hair and a name like Tiffany—what could I possibly have to offer in this environment?  Oh, and I’m a single mom, laid-off from an incredible career and can’t seem to get it all aligned. I’ve had at least 20 W-2s and 1099s since 2013, ten of those on last year’s tax return. And I haven’t dated a soul. Should I be searching for a sugar daddy rather than searching for myself?

HELLOOOO! And HEEEEEECK NO!

IT needs “Tiffany’s” s much as they need the technical geeks and number-crunching gurus.

Steve Jobs.

Enough said.

So, I remind you all today: we have each been handcrafted with love and grace by God himself to live out a special purpose He perfectly equipped us to fulfill. When we stifle that light and those gifts because the world tells us we should be something else, we can’t fulfill that purpose (we can talk about all the reasons why we do that another time). We have to quietly listen to God say, “no Tiff, I made you this way for a reason.  Keep it up, this is my plan for you.” And then wait for Him to show you what’s next. I am beginning to see this so clearly now. I am at my very best when my heart and soul are free to share this light inside me. And when I try to do things any other way, I’m physically miserable, mentally misaligned, and just in a funk. 

So don’t ever let anyone tell you to turn down your sparkle. If you are “too much,” being who you know you are meant to be, you are not in the right company. Find your Sparkle Pants Posse, let your light shine, and let your heart lead you to be the best you can be.

Sparkle on my friends! Leave a trail of glitter everywhere you go!

Sparkle Pants Posse assignment for the day: Think of someone you know who has a special something. Call her and tell her how beautiful that something is! I did that today. I love you Nancy! 

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There is nothing subtle about you. 

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The Voice of the Sparkle Pants Posse

Hello sweet friends, followers, supporters, and fellow Sparkles!

Last week I posted my first blog after years of considering it. Many things came together, but I think it was the power of the sparkle pants that really drove me to finally take action! After I posted, I had one of those fitful nights where you just can’t sleep. Nothing in particular was on my mind, but there was energy, God’s presence, change on the horizon, and angel wings buzzing around me. They were all moving together and keeping me awake as if to tell me something was going on!  

I kept hearing The Black-Eyed Peas’“Tonight’s gonna be a good, good night!”. You know the one! And I kept thinking, “19’s gonna be a good, good ye-e-ear! Tonight’s the night …get it right.” Who can sleep with that in their head? So, at 3:30 in the morning, I got up, had some cereal and cinnamon tea, and laid down on the couch with King Louis the cat for a 2-hour nap before work, knowing that I would challenge you, my…hmmm, what do I call You? …. to choose your own theme song and share it with the rest of us in my next blog!

Sun’s Up! And I am still sidetracked by the question of how I should refer to You—my readers, friends, power chicks, supporters, prayer warriors, mentors and dancing queens—whoever my “audience” is. It took me a few days to come to a conclusion on this super important point.

You see, I keep hearing “tribe”used to label groups of people who follow, listen, or watch a certain individual providing digital content. However, this label just doesn’t fit My Girls. First, you do not follow anyone—especially not me! You blaze trails, shine your lights, sprinkle glitter, inspire others, and make the world better by implementing and sharing your gifts and inspiring others to do the same. If anything, I follow you and thank you for your encouragement, grace, compassion, and love. MWA!

Even on a superficial level, “tribe” just doesn’t fit this dynamic group. The word immediately takes me to a beautiful South American jungle, teaming with large bugs and humidity that will frizz the hell out of all ya’ll’s flat-ironed hair. I see your beautifully manicured toes, bejeweled, painted, and ringed; tethered to strappy stilettos, heels plunging deep into the mud of the jungle. Loincloths and leaves make up your bikinis…I could go on, but you get the idea…

Yeah, no… Though this is a beautiful picture, it really doesn’t describe you—the girls I am so thrilled to say are my friends, mentors, supporters, and fellow sparkle-pants dancing queens.

You are no tribe. You are a movement! You are a statement! You are flash mob! You are energy, light, power and grace! You are the Sparkle Pants Posse!

And whether you have a pair, wish you had a pair, or wish you had the guts to wear a pair and love that we do, you are a member of the Sparkle Pants Posse. So, welcome Sparkles! Do not be afraid. Invite your friends. Live a little!  

Now that this is decided, here’s the Sparkle Pants Posse’s first assignment:

Choose your pump-it-up, get-it-in-action, go-for-it anthem for 2019!

Add it to your playlists, make it your alarm and ringtone, and share it here with all of us! Change the words to fit your needs and sing it your way. Just make sure it makes you want to get up and make a difference in your world and in God’s big world around you! Think about what you want for 2019, how you will use the gifts and inspiration God has placed on your soul, and choose a song that will keep you elevated to achieve that goal.

Can you imagine what a great playlist we will all have when we put these together?

Respond here or on Facebook with your song and a note on how it supports your theme for the year!

Imma go ahead and tell you all right now that you need to download the song that my fellow sparkle pants princess, Michelle Fraser, shared on her Miracle Monday Facebook Live last night. (https://www.facebook.com/michelle.d.fraser/videos/10217039963178479/) 

It’s incredible: “The Break-up Song”by Francesca Battistelli.https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FH0wpP5o7xpI%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR1X_M40BVAUbq97oiMog_iNFVba8BKtfPyJd24z7CKfzmN1YrrdFPKjfdk&h=AT2Udt6ZV3tZKysqCKC7Ri7weRR-ZN7aCn8-fdqoFLc8WYhbUSDfXJaJrRzqjqgWbxb0jsgXAH_I2WGgdgIln2ntxI08_JQMtNFSNMq-zAS41pDPgSiqBYkDuDoIKVfptACtAWOEJuBeNgMKEWThLp1Nc-Q-xCTJ4A

It’s about breaking it off with fear—there is no room for fear here! Just last month, I told my darling daughter not to let fear have any place in a huge decision she needed to make – the fear of “how can I”, “what if I”, or “who am I?“ have no place in determining where you will go from here.

Clearly, if we can wear the sparkle pants, we have no room for fear! And sisters, we rocked our sparkle pants… did we not?

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2019–my intention is to become aligned in all areas of my life. (And yes I used all of my gurus’ keywords from last year in that sentence!)

Think about that...

Determine an intention ... that takes some time... it’s the 7th day of the year so I’m good with that. It’s not midnight on the 1st but I was busy helping a friend. Then I had the twins’ birthdays, and had to put all the Christmas crap away — because that’s what it is after looking at it and adding to the joyous mystery of all the lights and memories after six weeks. Just Crap! Till next year anyway! For now we trade it for simplicity and sanity and clear spaces! Then there was the budget excercise. Actually I think I’ll call it my budget practice ... like in yoga. It’s a practice and “wherever you are right now, we’ll that’s just perfect.”. So, all of those activities combined with listening to tons of great podcasts have brought me here on January 7th. And it’s a great place to be.

Become.... that’s a big one that comes with many questions. But it stirs up so much emotion, drive, possibility and even emphatic direction. In order to become, I must determine what it is I am meant to be. Exciting... after several loudly slamming doors in the job market this year and a very strange and unpredictable current role, I am definitely ready to figure this one out. I’ve gotten feedback that maybe I’m a little “much” in the interview process. As if I wore my hair big and my sparkle pants to the interview. Geez... who wants a piped-down, buttoned up version of All This???!!! C’mon! If I fake my way in as only marginally creative and enthusistic, they will be in for a surprise once I get comfortable! I’d rather they know the passion and fire in my soul once I get excited about something and am given the reigns for whatever my part is...and choose me because of it! I’d certainly choose that interviewee over a boring one with no personality. Hmmmm.

So what is it that I am to become? And why can’t I just get the sticky note hint on that so I can go make it happen rather than waiting around painfully for my Great God to reveal it? Oh right, because I’m not ready yet and He has Devine timing. Good to keep in mind. Essential actually. Absolutely key!

Keep listening to those clues hotstuff... you’re getting closer.

Alignment ... a pipe dream for me. But wow! I really could have everything alligned with what I know my purpose to be? Novel concept. Have understand what I am to become first, I suppose. Just think how much I could accomplish in a role that I am talented in and can bring great value and creativity to rather than in one where I’m just doing the thing. Over and over and over ....

And imagine if we all found that place! The place where we all fully understand and grow the besudtil gifts God gave us each to impact each other s d grow! What a different world this would be.

So much to think about with this one, so I’ll let it rest till next time.

Join me in thinking through what you want 2019 to look like for you. And if you’re in my circle, let’s plan to celebrate how far we’ve progrssed toward those visions at the end of this year! I look forward to hearing from you — my fellow powerful, determined, smart, strong, survivor mermaids, fairies, angels and unicorns! Non-mythical beautiful creatures making this world a better place because we are here and because we learned to share the beautiful gifts and purpose God gave each of us!

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What is LilyAnder Finds?

A collection of my favorite things, my talents, my experience. All pulled together to create stories, personal brands, marketing campaigns, or even just a look for your hot date. And now, 4 years later, a blog to go with it!

Because every impression should be your best, whether at work or at fun, as work or as fun. 

LilyAnder Finds -- find what WOWs you.