#I just think it says interesting things about their conflict resolution style

[yzafre]

Kairi, Namine, Xion, and using their words

So KH has a lot of characters that are off-shoots of previous ones, and it can be fun to look for the parallels and the difference. While trying to figure out Kairi's "voice", I found it interesting to compare how the three "Kairi variations" used their words when experiencing overwhelming or negative emotions. How they handle these moments are very interesting.

Let's look at three memorable quotes by them, to show what I mean:

"Sora, let's take the raft and go. Just the two of us!"

Everyone talks about this line at some point. Like, what a weird thing for Kairi to say when we're still being introduced to her character! Riku's supposed to be her friend too, right?

Well, let's look at the context - not of everything that's going on around them, but of the conversation. What does she say right before?

"You know, Riku has changed."

Okay, so she's thinking about the ways Riku has been different now - probably in a way that upset or scares her. As other's have noticed, Kairi isn't as interested in leaving the islands (a safe place) as the others - an aversion to uncomfortable things. Riku is her friend, but it's not unbelievable a part of her wants to get away from whatever the change is that scares her.

So she has this mixed feeling about Riku, she tries to bring it up but ends up dancing around it, which Sora does not understand, obviously. Then, instead of explaining what she means, just jumps like, 10 steps ahead.

What this implies to me is that Kairi doesn't want to face this (any?) complex negative emotion head on. Maybe because it's her own fear and resentment? There's an element of avoidance of repression, here.

And then! And then as soon as it's out she immediately backtracks. Immediately laughs it off. "Just kidding!"

That makes it seem to me that her line about the raft was involuntary. She did not think ahead, maybe didn't even mean to say that at all, certainly regretted it as soon as she said it. It is definitely an expression of an honest, maybe a bit ugly, emotion she's experiencing, but is not the full context. It's certainly not the root of the issue. She's still dancing around it.

To summarize: either low levels of understanding of what she's feeling or some kind of repression, and involuntary use of words (meaning just about anything can come out)

"Nobody needs to keep a bunch of memories that aren't real, right?"

Oh, Namine. So we all agree this is a bit passive-aggressive, right? But also, I think, a bit genuine.

She is very aware that she caused this situation, and that she hurt Sora first. She's trying to acknowledge that she understands, but... she just can't help giving it a passive-aggressive edge.

Namine is all about repression (and also self-loathing, but that's not this conversation). She basically spends her entire life in a cage, having to make herself small. If we extrapolate even further, she probably spends a lot of time in her head thinking about her own situation and maybe even her feelings. That awareness could even be seen as a survival skill, in her situation.

She knows she did wrong and she knows she's upset. She tries to prioritize one over the other - but unsuccessfully.

So what we get with Namine is high awareness of her feeling, and an attempt to use her words constructively, but her control slips and some involuntary messaging slips through.

"So, do you hate me for taking your friend away from you?"

Xion uses her works like knives, seriously. There's a hint of this in her "Or what? They'll turn me into a dusk?" line with Axel, but I thought I'd use this quote instead.

I think I maybe mentioned this in another post somewhere, but in conflict Xion has a conversational pattern that goes "soft soft soft GOES FOR YOUR THROAT" that shows up multiple times throughout Days.

So, set-up for this conversation. Xion is suddenly getting a lot of answers and thus processing a lot of information, a lot of which I think confirms her own brand of self-loathing.

But what she turns around and says is not about her feelings (... on the surface, we'll get around to that), it's about provoking the other person.

It would be entirely understandable for Riku to be upset wither her, which would possibly stand as a threat, and she tries to confront that head on to get a reaction out of him.

She has enough awareness to know what she wants, and that she's feeling cornered, but the exact phrasing she used is interesting considering her situation:

Do you hate me for taking your friend away?

Because before she got these answers, what she already knew was that she could end up hurting Roxas. Realistically, this could be a question she'd want to ask Axel:

Will you hate me if I take our friend away.

And I do think she knows that's what she's afraid of, deep down, but she's too scared to actually ask (keeps running away). What I don't think she's aware of is that she's using Riku as a proxy, here. I think she's just trying to control the conversation.

So, with Xion we have: mixed levels of emotional awareness, but high control of her use of words.

Maybe it doesn't mean much, but I find it interesting. They all will say the most insane things under pressure, but it comes out in very different ways, with very different intent.

Kairi, who will avoid till things get too much then blurt things out involuntarily, then try to take it back.

Namine, who will try to control the narrative but can't stop keep the edge of passive-aggressiveness out.

Xion, who would rather go on the attack before you can hurt her first.

[encasedinobsidian]

Thoughts on writing - June 16 

I don’t expect anyone to read this, but I meant for this tumblr to be specifically for my writing after all, so I figure this is the place to put these thoughts, and anyone is welcome to read them if interested. I’m just reflecting on myself as a writer, how I relate to this hobby, and about feeling discouraged/lacking in meaning, and trying to figure out where to go with it when there are no clear paths ahead. 

I feel like I vent to my friends often but never really try to articulate my thoughts the way I do when I actually write, so maybe writing about writing will help me sort it out for myself. 

I never meant for writing to become much of anything at all. I started writing a fanfic, thought it was funny, and my intention was to post it and move on like I always move on from any other hobby, following the same pattern of interest → hyperfixation → creating something → getting bored → discovering something new. I had no experience with writing or fandom, and it was thanks to a tiktok on my FYP that I even discovered Pedro boy fanfic in the first place, though I found it insanely weird at first. My eventual amusement obviously turned into something much more significant, and I’ve found a lot of personal healing through writing, discovered different sides of myself, developed the ability to sustain the attention needed to read a full length book, etc. I guess the difficulty is knowing where to go with it. 

It’s funny - I frequently find myself thinking this sucks, why am I doing this, nothing interesting will come of this, my brain is empty, fuck this, about writing. And I say those things but then I write anyway. I say I’m done with it and thanks for the past 15 months, I’m out, and then a few hours later I’m on my doc coming up with something. I can’t really stop at this point, it’s like my internal monologue got a physical manifestation and now it’s something I just do. At any given time, I can open my docs and add something to some story, regardless of where I am. It’s like a reflex at this point, and I have no control over it. I put my hands on the keyboard and things just come out one way or another. 

I frequently feel like I’ve reached the end of my own ability, though, or the end of what I’m capable of creating. I was never an avid reader, so there’s a foundational understanding of storytelling that I largely feel like I don’t have. I’ve read more in 2024 than I have in my whole life, actually finishing books instead of reading the first quarter over and over, so I essentially feel a bit dumb or lacking in knowledge about what makes a story interesting. I really, truly have no idea what I’m doing, I don’t know any conventions I’m supposed to follow. I pretty much know the concept of “showing not telling” and that’s it. I also know the typical series buildup of the angst peaking, conflict, resolution, which I'm now trying not to do so I don't repeat myself too much across series. I’ve also read a lot of things (both books and fics) that I very much enjoy but that don’t match my inner voice at all really, and ended up feeling less than as a writer because certain styles of writing don’t come naturally to me. Reading American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis was the first time I read something and thought, wow, this actually reads very naturally to me, especially after a year of feeling like my inner voice is wrong or oversimplified or dumbed down. 

And even though we all write for ourselves, we are all affected by our audience. I’ve been sort of brutal in unintentionally cutting down my own audience by moving platforms and no longer writing the things that gained me my following in the first place, and I guess I’ve done it as part of my constant, neverending, extreme need for authenticity of some sort, and a hatred for being boxed in or expected to do things I don’t want to do. Truthfully, I don’t know what my audience wants from me, and even if I knew, I probably wouldn’t be able to cater to it. If I put out a poll and asked what people wanted to see from me, the overwhelming majority would likely say Joel Miller with no real specifics on what type of story they’d want to see, or they’d want my rendition of something they’re already familiar with. And there’s nothing wrong with that at all, I’m very flattered by everyone enjoying my takes on that man, but I guess I’m in this place where I’ve spent so much goddamn time on writing and I need to figure out who I am as a writer completely outside of that. 

One of my writing colleagues said that I’m very mercurial, and I’d never thought much about that word at all despite how well it describes how I’ve been my entire life. I can never seen to make up my mind on things, and I’m frequently changing, removing stuff, my writing style changes as I deepen my understanding of the story, my characters etc, as I take more things into consideration and expand my own view. 

To put it in Patrick Bateman terms: this reflection…. Has meant…. Nothing. And it’s true - there is no real meaning to it, cause it’s me sitting here at 6pm, looking out my window and trying to find meaning and direction in a hobby that is a completely open landscape, and where it seems like publishing is the only real goal one can have. Either that or internet success. I don’t know, I’m not sure where I’m going with any of it and who will want to read it. I guess I have a fear that everyone who has ever followed me only wants me around as yet another source of endless Joel fic and that nobody really has an interest in my writing for what it is, or for the writer I am. I don’t try to be like anyone else - everyone sees things differently, and my fics are just a representation of how all these different scenarios look in my mind. My hope is that the people who enjoy my writing regardless of characters enjoy my writing because they enjoy my POV, or enjoy the attention paid to the things I emphasize. 

Maybe I’ll come up with something more concise next time, but this has been my writing journal entry for now !! 

[alargehunkofdebris]

S3 Won't Be Like S2, and That's Not a Bad Thing

So after the absolute cheese and crackers of this second season (plus that whollup of angst at the end) many Good Omens fans will be waiting for that next level of fluff and angst come S3. Don’t blame you at all.

However.

I think, should we be fortunate and get a new season at all, we must all be prepared for the reality that S3 is not going to be like S2, and remember too that this is not a bad thing.

Middle seasons/movies/books are notoriously tough to get right. Though they function as their own story, they’re also the middle part of an overarching plot. They are, in the plotting world (if you use Blake Snyder’s Save the Cat plotting structure terminology) the “fun and games” part of the plot. You get neither the interesting introduction of all character/plot/main conflicts, nor the highest stakes/climax/resolution of the end. So it’s really hard to keep that level of interest in a season that has no solid beginning or solid end of the main plot.

However, in this particular instance, Neil Gaiman and Co. have the absolutely wonderful benefit of having two main characters that most fans are content to watch paint dry with. The characters and their dynamics are the jewels of this story. So, this second season had another function. It was a “treat” season, in a way, because it slowed everything down and really let us indulge in the little, joyful things – aka, the developing relationship of Crowley and Aziraphale. Season One gave us a lot of that, too – but a great deal of that development was added for the show. With just the book as reference, it was a very plottish story. That’s why it required a season to pull off and not just a movie. On the other hand, if you took the events of S2 and converted it to a book of the same style (aka, focused mostly on the plot and the overall cast of characters, not as much on the main two) it would be significantly shorter.

Now, back to the subject of S3. This future season will be going back to the roots of Good Omens, because a big chunk of that plotting was done back when the original book was created. The major beats have been in place since 1990. So, it would probably be a fair bet to say that there will be a lot more plot-heavy beats, with less laser-focus on the relationship. Where S1 had several plots with one major one involving Adam as the antichrist, S2 was literally a romance story with a mystery element. S3, on the other hand, will likely be a return to form, and this isn’t a bad thing whatsoever. Many will be happy about this, because while it would be lovely to have an infinite amount of time just seeing the domestic side of an angel/demon relationship, we absolutely need some gritty, high-stakes plot points to round off this massively ambitious story.

It doesn’t mean we won’t get a lot of relationship things. We need it too, considering the build up we got S2. It is the heart of the whole story. I just think that S3 will be a perfect balance of what we liked of both S1 and S2. Where some would find S2 a little lacking in speed and stakes, S3 will be faster paced with bigger conflict. Where some find S1 to spend too much time away from the main relationship, S3 will absolutely focus on this as one of the two major plots of the story (S1/the book, on the other hand, had at least 4 plotlines that we switched between somewhat equally.)  

So, when we think of S3 and theorize on its plot, we must think of it more in the context of S1/book rather than S2. We have to imagine that the major beats were figured out in the 90s, and focus on those unresolved setups we got in S2. So, we have the Book of Life, the Memory Wiping, and the Second Coming. I may also suggest the 25 Lazareth Miracle Concept, though I’d probably guess that it’s a modern Gaiman addition/enhancement with its focus on Crowley and Aziraphale’s “stronger together” theme (this theme enhancement was mostly a Gaiman addition in S1, remember, with the Ep 3 cold open and The Switch at the end). I’m still not positive whether this is going to end up being that an angel and demon working together makes the most powerful miracle (which would probably be more in-line with the original 90s plot) or if it’s specifically Crowley and Aziraphale; there would be very different plot possibilities with either. With the first, we could potentially have a return of Beelzebub and Gabrial as an Act 3 saving grace, and with the second they could literally have a “true loves kiss that saves the world” kind of thing, which I don’t think will happen (but Lord, can you imagine?)

All I know is that when a large chunk of S3’s original plot was conceived, the authors had no idea just how popular the angel and demon duo would be. It was written without that influence in mind. And I think this is a Good Thing. Because as much as we all want infinite content of Crowley and Aziraphale, there is always that danger of “too much of a good thing.” In getting only what we want, we would lose all those other parts that makes this story beloved.

Neil Gaiman said it himself, so many times. S2 is the “gentle and romantic” season. It is, in other words, the one that focussed on Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship. He said also that he can’t guarantee the fans will even like season 3, and I don’t think that is because he’s going to do anything awful to our beloved characters. I think he’s simply being wary of fans who might take for granted that S3 will have that same level of fluff (affectionate) as S2, and this just won’t be the case. And I very much guarantee that even if we have a perfect level of relationship focus in S3, the sheer glut of it in S2 will create some disappointment and bitterness indeed.  

In short: we are absolutely, without a doubt, NOT going to get that same level of sweet, domestic relationship stuff in Season 3 as we did in S2, and we all should try to avoid throwing undue expectation (and potential bitterness) at Neil Gaiman if there’s that distinct change of pace/tone. Because it doesn’t mean we won’t get a huge amount of relationship stuff in general (we could even get more); it just means it won’t be the sole focus, and it won’t be “gentle and romantic.” There won’t be plots about trying to put on a Jane Austin ball, or trying to play matchmaker for a local couple. There are going to be much higher stakes, with a lot more stuff happening. And this isn’t a bad thing. It’s what’s needed to make a well-rounded trifecta of seasons. So be prepared, set expectations, gird your loins, have a ton of fun in the meantime, and—most importantly—pray that S3 will be renewed at all.

[dragonsoftheeast]

i was tagged by @stannisfactions! You're so cool, thanks for thinking of me.

How many works do you have on AO3?

29. I really wanna bring it up to an even 30 tho.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

220,728

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Hotd right now, though sometimes I think about adding more to Glory and Gore, my vikings AU

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Fire Made Flesh, Colors in the Night Sky, Millenia, second son, not born but raised

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! Sometimes I take a while, but I'm always ready to talk about my stories! And I love to hide loads of internal references and wordplay in what I write, so when people pick up on them, I get so excited! I also like to hear how people are thinking about characters and if anything's affected them!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely Heart Strings gah. Fire Made Flesh may rival it when it's done tho, since it still is the story of the Dance.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

deserving has a pretty happy ending, I think- more satisfying than the canon one, if I do say so myself.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

A couple times, all on Helaemond fics. But that's what you get in such a big fandom, I'd never written for such a conflict heavy fandom before.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Not really. I'm not really comfortable doing that.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I've not written a crossover yet- however, I do have a Pacific Rim HoTD fusion somewhere in drafts.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Honestly not sure. This relates to the next question, but I once got asked about a translation and then never heard back so I ended up wondering if it got stolen.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Hopefully, I got Glory and Gore translated into Russian! From the question above.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No- tbh I'm not sure I would be good at it. I'm open to trying, though, and I'm always willing to share ideas.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I've never written for them, only a poem in high school, but Hector and Andromache from the Iliad. I've just read the Emily Wilson translation and...they hurt me but I've always loved them.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Probably Millennia. I had such plans for them, but TVD burned bright and fast as a fandom for me.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I love my writing voice, I think I change my style up a lot depending on the piece itself, but I always have to like the rhythm of it in my head before I'm good with it. I think I'm fairly good at worldbuilding too, though of course with that some things are weighed with more interest than others.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probably increasing tension. I always wanna jump into the resolution and the confrontation! But then I'm like, noooo I gotta provide context and I have to work backwards. ugh.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Anyone who's read me probably knows I love to do it! Only conlangs though, with a natural language that's a little beyond me since there is an actual sense of what "feels right." But I love me some HV dialogue, it gives me such a cool

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Percy Jackson!

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Right now it's a tie between dropping glasses just to hear them break and delicate in every way but one. They're not my epics but I think I just wrote some of my most beautiful language in them.

Some of you guys might have done this already but I'll tag @emilykaldwen, @carladuquette (I think you've returned to fic!), @volvaaslaug, @lavandorhaze, @qyburnsghost, @appletreeduty

[zisurru]

hello vomshit anon here i saw some posts and had some incoherent thoughts / so mention of abuse and sexual assault

so i have very little interest in david as a character, and the rushed resolution / forgiveness in totbt probably is just anne rice not gaf, but something abt that is compelling 2 me. like again i doubt ms. rice was thinking this when she wrote it, and i cannot remember much abt the actual events of the book, but wanting to avoid conflict with someone who hurt you, and to i guess act like it didn’t happen because of love you have for them rings true to me

like with armand and marius, of course regardless of anne rice’s feelings, armand was abused, and he was groomed, but i don’t think those things are mutually exclusive with feelings of love, because the upsetting reality is that love can exist even in extremely unethical and unequal circumstances, and that’s what i think is compelling about it to a lot of people. like harm and love and pain do coexist and that is true of the lives of most people who have ever lived.

idk it feels like there’s little room to talk abt this in fandom - like i respect and empathise with anyone being distressed or triggered by literally anything! but the reverse is very rarely offered - like the idea that what is upsetting to you might be meaningful or even comforting to others, and that other people might get that meaning / comfort from the exact same aspects of the work that make you feel bad.

it’s even more sticky here, due to the blurriness of what parts of the work & narrative are just anne rice’s disagreeable personal views.

again armand / marius is popular and of course that is a relationship that can in no way ethically exist irl, but that’s what’s so compelling to me about so many vc relationships - they’re discomforting and unequal, shaped by power and domination, and love and desire also exist there.

the type of abuse depicted it isn't something i have personal experience with, but like i’ve had relationships and friendships with people where there was no time i wasn’t scared of them and resentful, that i didn’t also feel deep affection and love for them

idk i hope this made sense, and i don’t disagree with people talking about how strange and incongruous her writing abt abuse was!

about david, 2 things: i think the later books are written in this more serial style where a lot of conflicts are kind of swept clean at the start of the next book and points of character progression are sort of hasty or happen off-screen. like to me the thoughts about consent that lestat has in blood canticle feel less like a natural progression of his moral system and more like a soft retcon of earlier characterization, because it’s so abrupt and so different from what he’s said and done before.

also i unfortunately think david’s forgiveness of lestat is basically what it says on the tin. the idea that victims of violence are coquettishly inviting their own victimization is a theme that appears often in these books, and it does not feel to me like an exploration of how victims might think about themselves, or about how society might see them. more generally, within rice’s universe there are kind of natural losers and natural winners, weak people and strong people. i read a strong condemnation of louis for his willingness to become a vampire, for example, with the implication that david’s refusal was better, stronger, also implicitly more masculine. i feel similarly about the relationship between marius and armand: i don’t think it was intended to be read as sexually predatory, more a “corruption of innocence” type of predation, and whether it’s ethical for them to have a sexual relationship at his age is not really in question on the page.

but! i can also acknowledge that these scenes are relatable to a lot of people who have experienced abuse, whether it was intended or not. so…i don’t know.

i agree with you that i wish we could discuss these things more thoughtfully. on the other end, people sometimes act like criticism must be the product of kneejerk disgust or an irrational emotional response. like, i’m someone who has been into black metal for 10 years. i promise i’m not clutching my pearls or throwing up or fainting about any of this.

when i took my first literature class in college, the thing my professor said over and over was “what’s the effect?” like, someone would say “x symbolizes y” and he’d redirect us to the actual text and say “but what’s the EFFECT of this passage, sentence, word choice”. having to explain in very sparse and literal terms what was happening on the page instead of talking vaguely about symbolism or vibes. i still feel like it’s a really useful question to ask when looking at writing.

what’s the effect of david’s forgiveness of lestat? what’s the effect of the phrase “the great feminine longing of my mind”? what’s the effect of using the word “rape” to describe an exchange of blood?

[tsunflowers]

thought more about some magical girl arena girlies and made some in a dollmaker

lovely peach - typical magical girl - pink goofy tambourine weapon - ambiguous cute thing mascot

a normal girl who behaves normally. nothing much to say

obsessed with magical girls her whole life. so excited to be one. she follows the rules strictly bc this is her big chance. after the showrunners’ ruse is revealed she doesn’t even spend a second being afraid or surprised bc it’s like her life was leading up to this. convinced that all magical girl genre conventions are now real

hellion - nonhuman girl in disguise - red necklace that lets her control fire (actually innate demon powers) - imp mascot

a lesser imp who fled the demon world of the showrunners and tried to live in disguise in the human world. when they made their move they found her out quickly and blackmailed her into joining the magical girl arena so they could keep an eye on her. very nervous all the time due to everything so like candy crusher there’s a gap between her stage image and real self. isn't strong enough to change her ears when disguising herself as a human. I meant for her to have both red eyes but this dollmaker is glitchy

virtual idol ririmi - grown-up idol - blue headset that allows her to project images - ?? mascot

she’s not very strong and her power isn’t very combat oriented so she was talked into being the announcer. she gains confidence through her persona as ririmi. she’s chirpy and bubbly but it took her a lot of work to get there. probably super involved in magical girl arena fan communities. definitely has sent anon hate before. this dollmaker is not great for what I wanted to do, I want her to have a more overdone cyber aesthetic

kaze no miko - spiritual power - green fans that summon winds and barriers - bird mascot

develops magical powers around the same time as the others but actually just has nature magic separate from anything going on with the demon realm of the showrunners. serene and resolute. the type of person who spends so long answering a question that you think she’s forgotten it and then her answer is only one word long

candy crusher - cute witch - yellow magic wand that only summons things made of candy - puffball mascot

aggressive and sometimes downright mean. the showrunners sort of forced the witch motif on her and it doesn’t suit her personality or fighting style. physically fit and a martial artist. mostly here for the fame which is getting to her head. can you believe this dollmaker doesn't seem to have a witch hat

then I'm still thinking about a sun and moon duo who can't transform without each other present, a mecha musume girl, and a purple girl with depression. purple girl could get rolled into being the moon of the duo. for the mecha musume girl it would be interesting if she has mobility issues and her power armor lets her walk but I think if that was your reality you would have so many conflicting feelings about it that I can't begin to imagine them. so i probably would not add that

they all have a magical item that their powers are tied to, except hellion and kaze no miko whose powers are innate. hellion hides that on purpose, kaze no miko genuinely just doesn't know. the outfits are costumes that they designed together with the showrunners. they are magical in nature and can be put on instantly though. the costumes also change their hair and eye color in some cases. they never appear as their everyday selves in the arena and fans are desperate to know who they are in real life. ririmi is the youngest, she's 17 but pretending to be 18. unnamed purple girl is the oldest at 26. then I guess lovely peach is around 19, hellion is 220 (22 in human years), kaze no miko is 24, and candy crusher is 22

[kindheart525]

Tag yourself! I’m Slowly Dying, Discord Server Mod, and Poor Little Neigh Neigh

[Image Description: Chibi-styled headshots of the Thirdverse cast with the following descriptions under them (character names indicated in parentheses, not part of image):

Homophobic Dog (Celestial Blessing)

Would rather drink a smoothie than go to therapy

“You have depression? Just cheer up”

Gives you a dirty look if you start crying

Constantly judging everyone

Slowly Dying (Bismuth Sun)

Full time student with a job, doesn’t even need it to survive

Three majors and five minors, considering another

Attends every single community event

Somehow has time for online discourse too

Quiet Quitter (Evergreen Blaze)

Does the bare minimum at work

Works with someone for 5 years and never learns their name

His favorite color is “personal information”

Avoids his coworkers at the grocery store

Influencer (Moonray Chill)

Goes on annual trips to Disney, thinks this is normal

Believed in Santa until she was 14

“If you’re homeless, just buy a house!”

No concept of money whatsoever

Common L (Lantern Glow)

Looks at themselves crying in the mirror when they have a breakdown

Has daddy issues or mommy issues if not both

Finds comfort in their childhood interests well past that age

Can’t find a therapist so they have several diaries

iPad Kid (Strawberry Breeze)

Bites people like a rabid dog

Life goal is to scream louder than Krakatoa

Picks her nose and wipes it on the wall

First word was fuck

Better Than You (Earth Day)

Always dresses in style

“I won’t have my son doing makeup like that, his eyeliner is all wrong”

Can convince you that you need something you had no interest in

Joins every single conversation just to be the center of attention

Nepo Baby (Princess Cut)

How much could one banana be? 10 dollars?

Thinks Kim Kardashian is a self-made millionaire

Saves money by cutting out avocado toast and Netflix

Also dad owns a business

Chihuahua In An Itchy Sweater (Sunny Sweet Dreams)

“It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me”

Takes even the slightest teasing personally

Selective in showing affection including to herself

Thinks being school project partners is "too intimate"

Dont Mine At Night (Laffy Taffy)

Curses at you in the Call of Duty lobby

Has a meltdown when the game lags

Fall Out Boy blaring in headphones 24/7

No sleep, bad grades, but defeating the final boss was worth it

Shallow (Galatea Candyheart)

Everyone wants to be her friend

Because she has the cool 24 pack of crayons with the sharpener on the back

She has to check her schedule to plan playdates…in preschool

Calls people she just met her best friend

Oh Worm? (Tiger Lily)

Says I love you to the cashier at McDonalds

Holds the door open for people who didn’t ask

Offers snacks and band-aids to everyone including strangers

Cries harder than you do when you scrape your knee

Discord Server Mod (Daisy Wasp)

The only one with conflict resolution skills

Stays up till 3am to moderate the group discussion

“No venting in the general chat”

Calls herself the friend group babysitter

Poor Little Neigh Neigh (Fairyfly)

Puts all the pressure on himself because his parents won’t do it

Complains about the stress he’s under as if it isn’t self-imposed

Thinks it makes him a better person

“Shut up I’m not short I just hit 4’11”

International Harvester (Blackberry Maple)

Posts travel pics at 12pm on a Tuesday

Accepts every single friend request on Facebook

Knows every stranger’s life story

You only ever see him at Thanksgiving dinner

Living Pinterest Board (Orchard Sunrise)

Does school notes about horrible tragedies in cursive with a pink highlighter

Every outfit is coordinated, even the work clothes

Spends hours in the bathroom doing her makeup

Asks you for help but nitpicks every step of the way

Useless Little Fuck (Fireside Jam)

Quotes distracting vines while his family does dangerous yardwork

Tries to carry the groceries inside but spills the whole bag

Offers to carry one (1) thing and hands it back to mom when it gets too heavy

Parents have to re-do all the chores he did badly

End Description.]

[thebookbin]

Wolfsong

TJ Klune

Publisher: Tor (Macmillan) Genre: fantasy, LGBT, romance Year: 2016

So I stayed up until 2am finishing a book, so what? It's been a while since I've done that. I feel like that's what this book does-it's nostalgia and tropes wrapped up in one angst-filled wild ride. You can definitely tell Klune wrote this more at the start of his career, because it feels a little like something someone wrote in creative writing class. I say this because of the sheer angst. About 75% of this novel is just pure angst. It actually bothered that so little time and consideration was left to the post-angst consequences and comfort. The book only has 1 chapter of reconciliation after the very angsty and dramatic climax, and it is not enough time to come to terms emotionally with everything that happened. Gordo, Ox's brother-father figure doesn't even have any screen time in this last chapter to process anything and I feel cheated.

The pacing is off in other places, too. I don't understand why this book starts where it does. It starts on Ox's 16th birthday when he gets new neighbors and their 10 year old son latches onto him. The pace is slow and meandering as Ox integrates into their family, discovers tragic backstory, and his haunted by his own. The blurb mentions a tragic murder. It doesn't happen until about the 50% mark. From there, the love interest, Joe, splits off and they are separated. It's giving the New Moon depression montage. It's not until about 75% of the way through when Joe returns that feels like the true heart of the novel. I think a lot should have been trimmed on the front-end and more meat in the back end. While Ox growing up and learning to find his family is touching, I don't think it merited quite so much page-space, especially if the conflict resolution in the last half. 

Also surprising: the sex scenes. I wasn't expecting them, I don't often read smut, but I found I really enjoyed these. I realized I could really feel the difference when a gay man was writing the scene--I feel as if most of the smut I do read is written by women. You could really tell a man who loves men wrote this. 

I have very conflicting feeling about the age gap. 6 years isn't that much in the grand scheme of things, but they met when Ox was 16 and Joe was 10. Yes, there's weird wolf-magic that makes them like Chosen that Ox doesn't understand, but all the wolves do. It was very much You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness monster?! IDK for me it's when you meet. If I meet someone as a child they're forever a child to me. There's a point when Ox starts dating as a young teen and Joe gets jealous. The literal child?? Why did the book start here? Or at least why did it spend so much time on their childhood? This confuses me.

Also, I can definitely tell a younger person wrote this, because when Joe is 17, he decides he has to leave for angst reasons and doesn't return until 3 years later. For those 3 years the split off members were living rough, hiding and hunting in the backcountry. And literally all I could think was "Joe does not even have a high school degree, he never finished high school, how is he supposed to be 'leading a pack' or doing angsty whatever when he probably doesn't even know how to calculate a hypotenuse?" When you're young you're like "yeah this feels great for the story" but when you get a bit older it's like "where are your parents, it is past your bedtime."

But there are so many things about the book I loved. Ox is disabled. A lot of his trauma comes from his deadbeat father calling him "slow" and "stupid" and telling him nobody could love him before he dips. I took a special joy in watching him become a cherished member of the Bennet family and grow into himself as a leader. The writing style captures Ox's unique voice and speech patterns so extremely well. There weren't a lot of female characters, but when there were, they were awesome. I really liked Jessie. The found family vibes (in between the overwhelming angst) were top notch. There were no weird heteronormative expectations on the MM couple (none of this top/bottom nonsense) and when it comes to fantasy relationships, it was an alpha/alpha relationship which is a subversion of a lot of omegaverse tropes (thank you tumblr, for allowing me to know this).

Overall, a very fun and nostalgic read that feels like a response to the Twilight era, but gayer. The angst and drama and fun sex scenes really took me back to high school, which is why I found myself up until 2am finishing this book, just like I did back then.

storygraph | bookshop.org | local houston

★★★ gay werewolf knockoff Twilight stars

[ithinkabouttzu]

Hi, I know you probably get a ton of these and that you’re probably really busy, but I was wondering if I could get a BOB and TP ship?

My pronouns are she/her. I’m 5’3, midsize/curvy girl with brown eyes and short, curly brown hair. My favorite fashion styles are alt, dark/grunge/chaotic/green academia, and cryptidcore.

I’m an INFP, HSP, and a Capricorn. Basically I’m really sensitive and empathetic. I love reading, writing, video games, animation, music, history, nature, and animals. I’m not a fan of conflict/fighting. I prefer to talk things out and find a more peaceful resolution. Another thing is that I’m an introvert and prefer more quiet and chill activities as opposed to loud and energetic ones. I need a fair amount of alone time in order to recharge.

A “hobby” of mine(if you can call it that) is over analyzing different characters, events, and worlds from different video games, movies, tv shows, books, etc. I also like hiking/nature walks, and self/skincare.

I would say my love language physical touch. I love to cuddle and I’m very affectionate. Like I said before I don’t like conflict or yelling, so an ideal partner would like to calmly communicate with me if we had any disagreements.

Anyway I hope this enough for you. Again I understand that you must be busy with all these requests so take your time. Love your work. Thank you.

Thank you for your request! Also i'm just going to do the BoB ship first. Just because I want to make sure it's perfect, but please send me your description in my asks and I will definitely do your TP ship separately!!

I ship you with…

Carwood Lipton!

song recommendation: Everybody Loves Somebody - Dean Martin

Alright let me start off by saying that I think you guys would go along so well together. Like physically, but also emotionally you guys would really compliment each other.

You are so his type. So when he sees you he's sure it's love at first sight. Your curves, your pretty hair, You're so beautiful to him. He can't help but stare at you like a maniac because he's just in awe with you.

You aren't really short, but he thinks your height is so cute. Like he can just look down at you and completely melt. He definitely calls you his "fun sized gf" Lol

both of your styles are quite different, but I still think that you guys would look so nice with one another. He thinks all of your styles are super cool and stylish, he's pretty plain and simple about style so maybe you can give him some types on clothes shopping.

He understands your emotions really well actually. It doesn't matter if you're feeling really emotional that day, or if you are just feeling kind of down. It doesn't bother him at all. He's actually a really good boyfriend and would try to do anything to make you feel better. And the more that he dates you he understands what helps you better and some stuff that you don't like when you're having a bad day.

He's super thoughtful when it comes to you. He will always be thinking of you and how you feel at any inconvenience or even in general. What you think and what you like really matters to him. He loves you bunches and is willing to do anything to prove that to you.

Along with that with all of your hobbies and interests, he's of course supporting them by making sure you are completely spoiled with the things you need to enjoy your down time. For example, he'd definitely take you to the bookstore and tell you to get whatever you'd like. Just because seeing that cute smile on your face is totally worth it.

I think he'd see you play video games and become super interested in them. Like he would watch and be like, "how are your hands moving so fast?" and would be super fascinated with it. (he might even ask you if you can teach him how to play it) *cue the romantic montage music*

Okay now, you guys can really get along with both liking nature and animals. I mean he's really like a male snow white when it comes to animals, so getting a bunch of pets is a NECESSITY for the near future. And he'd love going on bunches of hikes or outside picnics. Even just taking a nice walk around if it's nice outside.

He's not a big fan of fighting with you either. He hates it every time you guys get into an argument and he hates seeing you get sad or mad because of something he did. If you guys do get into a conflict, he'll never raise his voice at you, he just can't do it. He prefers sitting down and talking about the situation maturely instead. And afterwards he always will apologize, ALWAYS!

Lip is the perfect person you can relax and enjoy quiet time with. He enjoys it almost as much as you do. So just staying cozy with one another inside is always preferred from you both, occasionally he'll ask you if you want to go out, but it honestly doesn't matter as long as he's spending time with you.

Whenever you need alone time or just some space away to recharge your social battery (which we all do sometimes) he'll always give you your space. He's super respective of your space and so if you need some time away he's willing to give it ofc.

Okay, idea, I think one night, before you guys go to bed, he'd see you doing your skincare and immediately want you to try it on him. He's a bit of an old school guy, meaning he just uses a bar of soap and water to wash his face. But when he sees you put so many extra products he finds it really interesting and will ask you if you can try it on him too lol.

HE ABSOLUTELY LOVES when you ask him for cuddles. It's his favorite thing ever. Just holding you and feeling you in his arms is so amazing. His favorite cuddle position would have to be whenever you lay your head on his chest. HE just loves holding you. Especially after the war because he has hard trouble going to sleep, but when you guys cuddle he can finally get the rest he needs.

But he loves whenever you're affectionate in any way possible. He's affectionate too. HE loves your curves so he'll always take any chance he can get *respectfully* to grab, hug, and kiss on you.

Overall, he's just a super sweetheart for you and is totally in love with you!!

Thank you again for your request lovely, I hope you enjoyed this, much love! <3333

[fangirlandtheories]

3 6 8 9 16 22

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

I'll be honest, I don't involve myself in the drama of the fandom so if it's a take I wouldn't agree with, odds are that I didn't see it as I don't actively seek out things that don't interest me. I will say this, and I'll say it carefully: If you want to look at Billy as a tragic character because of his traumatic life, that's fine, but that doesn't excuse everything he did. He's an inherently complex character and it's possible to hate that someone is racist and also hate that that person was abused. I don't know if that really answered the question or not, but it's a take of my own.

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

Honestly all of us 😂 We all annoy each other for different reasons. I will say that nothing has made me more angry than the Steve/Eddie vs the Chrissy/ Eddie thing. It's not even how the fans of either interact with each other, it's the fact that Joseph and Grace have been dragged into it. They're actors playing a role and shouldn't have to play mediators for fans. They definitely shouldn't receive hate or backlash either.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Specific to Steddie shippers: That Eddie is perfect or Steve is perfect. They're both loveable doofuses that absolutely don't know conflict resolution. It's definitely not all pet names and snuggles but massive arguments and silent treatments.

9. worst part of canon

God I could go on for so long that you would almost believe that I don't like the show.

I think ultimately it's that up until this season there hasn't really felt like high stakes or consequences. Steve and Robin were tortured and left with just bruises and a shock blanket. The injuries the characters have sustained would leave someone sidetracked and bedbound in the real world but they constantly shake it off. It's like the only consequences occur when necessary to the plot. Steve gets bitten by bats and strangled twice: Let's tie a shirt around his waist and have him get dizzy once. Eddie gets bitten by bats: Kill him for sad value.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Mike

No haha... Unless...

I'm really not into Kas!Eddie or vampire Eddie. I'm all for bringing him back and if that's the way that the Duffers want to do it: Great! It's a sound theory and it makes sense to the plot, it's just not something I am really into when I'm reading things like fanfiction.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

Here's a plot twist: I'm not going to talk about Steve or Eddie for this one.

Here's a comprehensive list of little things that I love that don't get enough conversation:

1. Ted Wheeler's little comments

2. Murray Mother Fucking Bauman

3. Joyce's (Winona's) eyebrows

4. The dedication to the fact that it's 10 pm and none of the parents know where their children are and don't ask

5. Erica and Dustin's friendship/ the passing of the DnD torch onto the next gen

6. The inclusion of Holly

7. Steve's plaid walls and car picture

8. Nancy "New Hair Every Season" Wheeler

9. Eddie having pretzels and weed in his lunch box

10. The sibling dynamics

11. Steve's butt in those jeans

12. Dustin's quirky style never changing and his mother who loves him so dearly.

Quite literally I could go all day but this would be the longest post.

[millenialsensations]

About a weekend with a guy (and questioning my sexual desires)

I had a resolution this year to step out of my comfort zone, go on dates, and not ditch guys without good reason. However, I pushed my boundaries too far. I spent an entire weekend abroad with a guy on our second date, which was just too long time, without clear exit options, and I didn't know him well enough. Fortunately, it didn't turn out to be a total nightmare, just a shitty weekend that left me with a lot to think about.

We met through a dating app, and our first date was amazing; the conversation flowed easily, and I was attracted to him. Since he lived in a different country, we continued to talk online and decided to meet again a month later for a weekend in Milan. However, I made it clear to him that I wanted to take things slowly, even though we needed to meet like this for our second date because we lived in different countries. I asked for separate hotel rooms, which he eventually accepted after I explained my reasons and boundaries repeatedly.

In short, despite my communication about my wants and boundaries, he continuously tried to kiss, hug, and sleep with me throughout the weekend, always bringing up sexual topics in inappropriate situations. I felt uncomfortable and lost all my initial interest in him. Still, on the second night, I got tired of his persistent advances and allowed him to kiss me. I didn't enjoy it, but he kept kissing me, and I kept letting him until we said goodbye the next day.

I was slightly disappointed that he wasn't the guy I was hoping for, but I was even more confused by my own actions. Why did I let him kiss me when I didn't want to? Leaving never even crossed my mind. Although I spent more than a day saying no, pushing him away, and being on the defensive, I eventually got tired of it. However, was this just me being conflict-avoidant and fed up with his repeated advances, or was there something deeper issue?

When I saw how much he wanted me, I began to question myself and why I didn't want him. Did I have a defect that prevented me from enjoying it? Was it my avoidant attachment style? Or was it simply because I hadn't had sex in four years and felt anxious about it? Was I asexual? I let him kiss me, hoping that pushing forward would help me overcome my barriers, disregarding my bad feelings and the need to feel safe and get to know my partner better.

He was too pushy, and he clearly wasn't paying attention to what I wanted. He brought up his contributions to the weekend several times, which only consisted of reserving the restaurants. The trip wasn't romantic, and I also didn't let it turn that way because he equated romance with sexuality. There were so many turn-offs during the weekend, yet I still questioned my sexual desires and feelings.

I didn't want to get physical with him, and there was nothing wrong with me. If he implied otherwise, it was okay for me to leave. Being extremely surprised that I didn't want to sleep with him on the second date and bringing up the topic several times without accepting my answer is wrong on so many levels. If he couldn't respect me from the start and prioritized his own needs, I couldn't expect more from him later. If his words said he accepted my boundaries but his actions proved otherwise, then this inconsistency was a red flag in itself. My sexual boundaries weren't unrealistic; they were important and not up for discussion.

A guy's reaction to a "no" is a good measure of his character. Can he accept what I want and respect my pace, even if he wants to go faster? Does he want to pay attention to and prioritize what I want?

Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't?

[spilledreality]

I watched the 1940 version of Fantasia for the first time last night, and thought "Night on Bald Mountain" followed by the "Aave Maria" was just transcendentally beautiful. I'd finished reading Lord of the Rings, right before I watched, and it very much had that elves-headed-for-the-Havens feeling. Something dies and something is born and the world renews itself. Night falls and day rises, and the haunting spirits are banished with the dawn.

I think Fantasia does a good job illustrating what we've talked about before, re: how mood is quasi-representational. And how the essence of narrative is something like "mood progression"—the development of feeling and outlook over time. All the world-mechanical gears that bring about conflict and tension, or solution and resolution, are in service of setting up and scaffolding the evolution of a mood (which is often both the protagonist's mood, and the reader's mood by proxy).

Q: Representational… of a mood/energy the composer was trying to convey?

A: Yes but that mood itself is representational... Think about how mood tracks metaphorical weather. The way that hope gleams on a new dawn and despair rolls in with storm clouds. Mood is an orientation to the world which encodes a set of predictions. Is this landscape fertile and supportive of life. Or is it a hellscape, death and stagnant water. How does a painting make you feel. When your prospects look up suddenly, a stroke of fortune, how does that make you feel. When anxiety gnaws and edges in. Anxiety itself is representation of how the world is, and how one ought to behave in it. So is happiness, blinding and light, which says be merry and do not worry, you're safe now.

The presence of an outlook or feeling, as created and modulated by the music, implies a subjectivity navigating the world over time. Now things are going poorly, now they're going well, here's the climax, here's the peaceful denouement.

This is an explicit concept in Romantic classical composition, I think—see Berlioz & his Symphonie fantastique—but it pops up other places—rock opera, for one—and it's not too distant from how we've talked about ambient. (Although ambient often prefers to represent a room, rather than a subjectivity passing through a labyrinth of rooms.)

Other Fantasia notes:

The creation myth logic of its opening half: first the conductor-god assembles his players and directs ("writes") time. First we get darkness, then light, then gas and rock and elemental things; then topography and sky, clouds and heavens; the clouds part, the sun radiates to the land below, and in the center of it all, the sun-god conductor, as volcanoes erupt and magma flows, and cell mitosis begins in their warm bath. Sunlight is just energy, it's the only original source of energy, and all our food is merely sunlight stored (by plant and animal cells). So sun cults are a very natural thing, the most natural thing: they're a worship of the animating force itself, of "spirit," of elan vital.

In the "Sorcerer's Apprentice" (something like a lesson against hubris in the style of Midas) the broom shatters into shards, and each shard itself becomes marching broom. (Another personification of the hydra concept: solve one problem, a hundred spring up to replace it.)

Shocking amounts of nudity.

The over-anthropomorphization of the natural world was IMO one of the weaker aspects, but it reminds me of (say) the perspective of Bree-folk and Shire-folk, who are only interested in concerns of Bree and the Shire—i.e. are provincial, obsessed with mirror portraits, dismissing all else as "queer". To take the natural world—plants and rays of light and seed-spores and lizards—and turn each aspect into an echo of a person is the same mirror-gazing, the same provincialism, the same lack of interest in the Other & in the larger world outside the self. Whereas the elves talked to trees, and listened to them, and their listening woke them up.

[dreamerwriternstargazer]

I don’t find this true, ultimately I would actually consider 10 more ruthless and more of a killer than *any* Doctor before or even after him

11 traded on his name, but he made that name for himself AS 10

10’s very first episode for God’s sake had him ruthlessly kill a guy and walk away without a look back “no second chances”.

It was cold and cruel and… as someone who started the show with 11 and 12, it was such a crazy contrast to the Doctor I knew.

Just because he condemned Harriet Smith later for shooting down the spaceship doesn’t make him any less cold in that moment, in fact I would argue 10 gets that way because he’s furious someone else is doing what he does, he sees himself in them, because of course he does, he’s the Doctor who has to make the tough choices for the human race.

We see this again with Family of Blood and how he loses John Smith and immediately becomes cold and casual about killing his enemies. If anything there’s a bit of malice for them because of what they did to him personally, he got a chance at an ordinary life and immediately had it snatched away due to their interference. They were the cause of his fantasy and the death of it, and he is just a little satisfied at the end to doom them, the very fact he sends them to specific punishments suggests malicious intent.

Same for when he meets Donna, in fact Donna was the one who stopped him from being a killer, from turning away. She’s the one who reminded him to be merciful, but up until that point with both Rose and Martha 10 had hardly displayed much mercy and instead far far more fury as the Doctor.

If 10 is a coward, then it is *because* he is a killer. He is cowardly behind his rage and anger, he is frightened, and I do think there is a link between 9’s choice in that moment and 10’s later killer instinct.

While I would say 10’s killer instincts in each of the scenarios I’ve brought up were pretty selfish I don’t think that’s always the case, and I think in each case it stems from the same protectiveness of the human race or any victims there may be. It also shows itself through a form of tactics and wit, that is to say… 9 ended up having to make that choice because he was outsmarted. He let his guard down, he didn’t see the big picture

9’s final episodes are interesting because they fall more in line with Moffat style writing of creating a narrative conflict that is also a moral conflict; that is to say, the villains aren’t ridiculously overpowered, they don’t have any particular edge except that they have a tactical advantage over the Doctor, therefore the conflict resolution is practical as well thematically, a moral one. This is in vast contrast to 10’s run in which for the most part 10’s villains and adventures go:

conflict with some impossible level of power is set->there’s no reasonable or practical solution in sight->the Doctor has to wave his sonic and outsmart the bad guys and don’t worry he can always outsmart them and win.

There are definitely some exceptions to this in which the rules of the game are set out and the Doctor beats them at it (ex, Tooth and Claw which I watched yesterday, love the lore, love the backdrop and set up of how the werewolf was taken down, one of the few instances where 10 didn’t just magically know the answer but had to figure it out) but for the most part… RTD, or at least the writers and his direction of them, did not allow for practical solutions let alone a smart, thematic resolution the way Moffat stories tend to line up.

So as I was saying… 9 follows Moffat style more than RTD style, from what I remember. It’s typically blowing something up but always with some sort of conflict around that

10 tends to be handwave-y or he blows things up without hesitation, the conflict barely lasts because oh look he’s already come up with a plan. It’s hilarious that it’s EVEN PLAYED OUT OVER A LONG PERIOD OF TIME DURING THE SAXON ARC

HE GOT DEFEATED BY THE MASTER AND THE RESOLUTION WAS MAGIC!DOCTOR, AND HE PLANNED THAT

This wasn’t supposed to be a critique on writing quality I apologise, back to the point

10 resolves conflict quickly, too quickly, and this falls in line with the whole “coward or killer” element, a Watsonian analysis would be because he was caught in that moral dilemma he worked hard, so hard, to always be ahead, one step ahead. This would probably be why the Old Guard RTD fanboy loooove edgy 10, because he wasn’t just edgy oh no, otherwise they’d love 12 the same way. He was *overpowered*, and imo it’s still good in an accidental sort of way because it’s balanced out by the moral reprehensibility of his actions however it’s few and far between where the narrative actually condemns him for it.

And if we analysed it in context of 9… then yeah he’d just experienced the Time War and was faced with another trolley problem all because he had let his guard down. HELL I’d even say Rose becoming Bad Wolf girl fed into it! Because she did that, she looked into the heart of the TARDIS to save him and she did, but she could have DIED

I think it’s really important that in 10’s first season romance aside he is FIERCELY protective of Rose, I wouldn’t consider this something attributed to romance. For one, it’s not as explicit as say Yowzah or Whouffaldi in which the Doctor actually expresses at points what River and Clara mean to him, 10/Rose exhibit typical romantic behaviour onscreen but none of the substance of a relationship aside from it, all except 10’s protectiveness.

This doesn’t mean they’re not together, I just think that the protectiveness is never explicitly attributed to their *romance* as it is with Yowzah and Whouffaldi. S8 and 9 had several points were 12’s protective and/or jealous behaviour were directly related to romantic feelings because of the Danny Pink issue and then the concept of immortal loving a mortal, s9 husbands of River Song established 12’s loyalty to River (“you don’t expect a sunset to love you back!” “Hello sweetie”), but there’s not really that same connotation to 10’s protectiveness over Rose. We make the link because flirting, but the main and most salient point would be Rose’s Bad Wolf move in s1, and yes there’s a kiss so I suppose in the end it is linked to romance in some way but more importantly it’s linked to the fact that she risked herself for him.

And 10… in the end… he chooses killer, because he can’t let that happen again, he can’t let Rose put herself in the firing line. And yet he loses her.

And importantly, very much so, it’s at that point that he gets worse than ever and Donna sees that too.

“You need someone to stop you”

But also… isn’t it that he loses the people who stand in front of him and take a bullet for him?

Isn’t it easier if he just fires the bullet first?

We talk a lot about how regenerating for Rose shapes who Ten is fundamentally but I think that the rest of the context of his regeneration is also foundational to his characterization.

The resolution to Nine's character arc is what Ten ultimately becomes. "What are you, coward or killer?" "Coward. Any day." Like he just chose a trait that will manifest in his next form but he doesn't have control over the positive or negative ways that presents itself. So you get someone who is softer, who is even more exhausted by and opposed to violence. But you also get someone who is desperately insecure sometimes, who is so afraid of loss and afraid of talking about the tough stuff that it seems to make him incapable of speaking at all sometimes.

[squirrelpudding]

March 1st, 2024

Today my mom came into my room saying my doctor[s office] randomly mailed us a list of references for therapists, but all of them were online/call only, no in person. I have had several different therapists, and they were all fine, but I don't really think the traditional style of therapy works for me. I stopped going because the place I used to go to closed. I had it every two weeks, and that was too long where I couldn't remember what had happened in that time, but one week would've been too short, and I wouldn't really have anything to talk about. I think also I can only really remember things that happened to me that match whatever current mood I'm in. And when I went to therapy, I was usually just happy that I could get out of the house, so I could only really remember the happy things that had happened in that time. There was a lot of shit I could've talked about, but never did because I wasn't in the mood. Also, I couldn't really open up to any of my therapists because I knew nothing about them. One hour every two weeks was not enough time to feel comfortable enough with a person to talk to them about certain things. Maybe if I went back now that I am less shy and have a much easier time thinking of things to say. But also I don't really have anything to talk about. Right before the clinic I went to closed, my therapist had me do a bunch of tests, which resulted in a full analysis of me. It was really interesting, because it was a lot of stuff that I felt was true about me but wouldn't have been able to point out about myself.

"In her social relationships, Anna has strong wishes for acceptance and closeness. She is sensitive and cautious, and seeks cooperative relationships based on safety and trust. She is content to maintain a few close friendships, and she tends to be selective of her friends while seeking to avoid conflict. She feels less assertive than most of her peers and, as a result, she feels she needs guidance and assurance in order to take chances. Her thoughts are often disrupted by her excessive fear of social rebuff, a fear that is often intensified by her tendency to anticipate rejection. Her lack of self-assertiveness, tendency to underestimate herself, and anxiety around assuming mature and responsible roles cause her to withdraw into isolated activities and allow others to make decisions. At times, she may become distracted by inner thoughts that arise during social interactions. To counteract the pain these ideas and preoccupations carry, she may have learned to avoid emotional experiences and suppress events that stir disturbing memories and feelings. These defensive efforts may prevent her from developing the close and accepting relationships she desires" - excerpt from the report made by my old therapist

I just think its interesting. Anyway, I was thinking about therapy because I was thinking about how I always get depressed in an unmotivated way in the fall, and then fix myself second semester. I'm still depressed second semester, it just doesn't reflect in my grades. I'm the only person in my family who is not on antidepressants, and one time my mom suggested I start taking them, but I think she forgot and I never brought it up again. I have all As and Bs in school, which I have never had before. I've had As and Bs, but I usually also get a C or D in something. I've never not had a C.

The pictures attached are from the trip I took with my friend to Las Vegas and LA during the break. I was going to blog about it, because it made me feel like I am an actual teenager, but now I don't really feel like writing about it. I think the point of this blog is to document my life, and write about important stuff, but more importantly its just to get me to write. Last year, I completed all my new years resolutions except the one that said "write more". But I don't want to force myself to write, otherwise I will get tired of it and start to hate it.

I had forgotten how much I love to read. In my English class, we are reading "The Things They Carried" by Tim O'Brien, and I finished it today. I really really liked it. I like most books we read in school, but this one was different. I can't stop thinking about Mary Anne, and the part where she was staring off, and when asked if she was okay she said that was the happiest she had ever been. I don't know why, that just stuck with me. I used to read a lot in elementary and middle school, but I kind of stopped in 8th grade, I think because of covid and such. But my friends and I talked about starting a book club. I really hope we do it, because it would peer pressure me into reading. But honestly I don't think we will get around to it because we suck at making plans and organizing people. I think tonight instead of playing on my phone for an hour before bed, maybe I will read. Maybe.

[blacksheeeep]

Emotional disconnection

When a partner dismisses or doesn't even listen but gives you a simple "mhmm" response, it can be frustrating and hurtful. Communication is an essential aspect of a healthy relationship, and feeling ignored or invalidated can create feelings of isolation and resentment. Here are a few possible reasons why your partner may be responding this way:

Lack of interest: Your partner might not be genuinely interested in what you're saying or may have lost interest over time. This lack of engagement can lead to dismissive responses like "mhmm" without actually paying attention.

Distraction or preoccupation: It's possible that your partner is preoccupied with other thoughts, stressors, or personal issues, causing them to be mentally absent during the conversation. They might respond with "mhmm" as a way to acknowledge your words without fully engaging.

Communication style differences: People have different communication styles, and some individuals tend to be more reserved or less expressive. While it might not necessarily indicate disinterest, it can still make you feel unheard or dismissed.

Relationship issues: If there are underlying relationship issues or conflicts, your partner's dismissive responses could be a sign of deeper problems. It's essential to address these concerns and have an open conversation to understand each other's perspectives and work towards resolution.

Emotional disconnection: Emotional disconnection can occur in relationships, leading to a lack of engagement and attentiveness. If your partner consistently responds with minimal effort or seems disinterested in your thoughts and feelings, it may be a sign of emotional disconnection that requires attention and communication.

Do not waste my time. Especially when you definitely know that you can get any man or woman that you are interested in.

I am sorry to be blunt.

Do not take this the wrong way. I love you as you.

If I can’t even vent out or give you my concerns when it is not a rant then what are you to me?

I can describe every detail to what you had told me about your stories in the past with no hesitation.

That is called true love in way I have never felt before.

I never once told you to stop and only suggested on how I felt.

I am not controlling, and I will not believe that I am because you told me I was. You have all the freedom to do what you want in life.

Trust is the key, hiding the truth without mentioning it to your so called “future husband”, “forever”, “love one” and all the pinky promises we had done seems like it was never fully established.

I accept that fact, and will keep my promises to always never do you wrong intentionally.

Humiliation

Embarrassment

Negativity

Disbelief

Unconfident

Retialation

Anger

Accusations

Doubtfulness

Loneliness

The emotions above is what I arrived to overcome and still trying to overcome.

It just happened to where you had brought all the emotions back to where I felt love and appreciated again.

I confronted to you about my feelings and the feed back I get are the opposite.

Love thyself.

Know thyself.

Before completely loving another individual that has no intent to do harm to you.

Yes, I am in love with you, but I am not afraid of you not loving me back.

It is your life.

I think she's special.

She doesn't need anyone.

Like that's the thing.

Even when we're together, you wouldn't really belong to me.

She doesn't belong to anything nor anything.

She's off in her own world.

Do you. Be you. I hope you never change.

[its-no-biggie]

yes yes yes and this is why season 15 is so grimmons. because grif leaving is the first real conflict between them- its the first time they NEED to talk about their feelings, so you really get to see how bad they are at it. because their love for each other (and i mean love in a general sense, not necessarily romantic. romance or not, they do canonically love each other) still seeps out in all of their actions, so even if they cant verbalize it, theres no denying that its there. "how are my friends? is simmons okay? did you talk to him?" "haha, hey grif- .....oh. right." like theyre constantly thinking about each other and they miss each other SO BADLY. but then what do they say when they finally meet again? theres grifs apology, of course, but then when they actually get the chance to talk one on one, its like, super awkward. theyre just like "its good to see you" or some shit and thats IT. because theyre both feeling So Much and have no idea how to talk about it!!

and what i find even MORE interesting is the fact that that talk was set up as the emotional resolution, where they finally talk about their feelings, but that doesnt happen. the ACTUAL emotional resolution was the simmons vs gene fight. cause like, lets walk through this, shall we?

after their "talk", things are still a little uncertain between them- neither of them knows where they stand with the other.

grif walks in on the fight between simmons and gene.

grif could have asked any kind of "only you would know" question. gene knows almost nothing about grif! "what planet were we on when sarge took half the base for himself and we had to share a room" or something along those lines. hell, he couldve even thrown the responsibility back on simmons (which is a VERY grif move): "tell me something only simmons would know" or something.

but he didnt do that. he chose their decades old inside joke- one that the 2 of them have mentioned several times throughout the show.

that inside joke represents their years of shared history. whether grif intentionally chose it because it had significance, or it was just the first thing he came up with, doesnt change the significance of this question. it either means he was intentionally reminding simmons of their history together, or that he was ALREADY THINKING of their history together. and i sincerely doubt it was the former, given how terrible they are at communication. an intentional secret code? not their style. an unintentional baring of their true feelings? absolutely in character and an excellent follow-up to the "talk" where they didnt talk.

but either way, this is grif reaching out to simmons. this is him not-saying "i miss what we had. i dont want to lose this."

AND he asks it in a way that, if simmons doesnt catch it, it means their relationship is behind him. it means that inside joke, all those years together, dont mean as much to him as they do to grif.

but of course he catches it, of course he remembers, because hes ALSO thinking about their history together and wants to go back to the way it was.

and then they send gene over a cliff and their relationship immediately goes back to normal. because theyve both confirmed that the other person still cares!!

also, honorable mention for the line right after, where grif is the only one who can tell simmons and gene apart, AND he hated gene (and obviously likes simmons). something something grif is the only one who knows simmons on a personal enough level to tell the difference. anyway

god. its such a good scene, ive watched it so many times. because even though i hadnt really articulated my thoughts until now, the TENSION in that scene gets me every time. its not just because simmons life is on the line, its an important question for grif! he needs simmons to understand the reference because if he doesnt, what does that say about their relationship? god. i need to lie down

anyway. sorry for getting all analysis on your ship post op. also no promises about the quality of the analysis because i havent watched season 15 in ages and also its 6am (havent gone to sleep yet)

one thing i really like abt grimmons is, in a way, the only thing really in the way of it is their rancid communication skills and pathetic inexperience with romance. like, grif and simmons both know everyone else fucking knows. they also do couple-y things and they KNOW it. the thing is they just DONT fucking talk about it. they are ALLERGIC to feelings and talking it out. its NOT a matter of stupidity and ignorance — they just dont fucking know how to even BEGIN to navigate it, and it fucking kills me dead.

i LOVE that. i love how theres this really unspoken codependency that toes the line and breaks both of their brains.

its not quite pining in the traditional sense of the word. but its not like its unrequited. its like mutual emotional twister. how far can we go without directly tackling the issue? how the fuck do we even adapt traditional romance when we’re fucking 40 or something and all we’ve known is war and death and sarcasm? left hand red, right hand orange. LOL