#I just rediscovered those songs | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

punkpandapatrixk · 6 months ago

Text

🌬Mother Earth’s Message for Children of the World ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

Astrologically speaking, beginning this year a number of generational planets were moving either into Aquarius or Pisces. You know that Aquarius represents the Divine Masculine in its best form and Pisces represents the Divine Feminine in its best form. Earth’s temperatures are changing especially with Pluto finally dipping its toe in Aquarius. All members of Humanity are being asked to elevate their intelligence—both spiritual and cognitive—and become keen on the patterns of lies and abuse in the world.

We as a collective are entering a new era of true abundance and joy. Sure enough, echoes of the terrible Reality of the past are still heard but they are echoes at best. If you notice everything around you crumbling to the ground, these are withdrawal symptoms; but if you look within yourself, you will find that you’ve grown stronger and surer of your place in this completely Brand-New World. As they put it, you are the Chosen Ones.

What the hell does it mean to be a Chosen One? Are there only 144,000 Chosen Ones within this Matrix? Of course not. We have collectives of 144,000 working towards the same goal. And those collectives really bleed into each other as we share knowledge and assist each other. So in essence, there are millions of us Chosen Ones working together holding the Frequencies of Light, assisting the birthing of a completely new paradigm of real Paradise.

Be excited, o Holy Ones~ Many of you have grown up without ever abandoning your pure inner essence as Holy Children and Stewards of Gaia. Your time to shine is NOW. Revive your memories, recall your power back to you, redefine what it means to be Human, and rediscover your true motivation for being alive on Gaia at this passage of time.

There is a dream, or two, you’ve always felt important since you were a child. You’re entering a brand-new chapter of being fully immersed in your Mission. The next 3 years on Earth are the final years of the CHANGEOVER—if you know what this means, you know who you are ;P The years after 2027 will be the years of your greatest achievements, abundance and blessings, but most importantly, a phase of intense clarity as to your purpose for being here on Earth at this time.

Keep the vision, Sisters and Brothers of the Light. All of us in our own unique ways are reclaiming Gaia as the Paradise Planet of Blue and Green Sheen. Namaste—I honour your Light, fellow Stewards of the Planet~

‘To have the feeling of wanting to care for someone. It’s simple, that’s all. I don’t mean that it’s insignificant. Just…you don’t need a reason.’ — Shiroma in Chocobo’s Dungeon 2 (1998)

BOOK: Totto-chan's Children: A Goodwill Journey to the Children of the World (1999) by Kuroyanagi Tetsuko

MOVIE: Tokyo Godfathers (2003)

SONG: Aishiteru by Nakashima Mika

[PAC Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – Go Forth Towards All Your Spiritual Rewards!

Soul-deep motivation – VI The Lovers

You, for sure, came into this world with a BUNCH of Soul Family and Tribes. It’s a given; you’re meant to ‘open up shop’ together and be of such great service to Mankind. Some of you reading this probably already met some of your Soulmates from a young age and you will continue to meet more of them as you go along; but for the majority of you, this is a lifelong journey—a discovery—that could’ve left you feeling quite lonesome when you were much younger.

Well, it’s ironic, right? Now that connectivity is this easy. But for the most part, this ease in technology could feel more like a nuisance and a breach of privacy rather than an actual sense of belonging. If you’ve ever felt deeply lonely and divorced from the rest of Humanity, I’d like to assure you that such feelings naturally arise from your Soul knowing that you’re meant to have a beautiful relationship with like-minded, like-souled people. Because you’re eager to meet them you can feel quite impatient about it, and this causes anxiety and sadness to some degree XD

Truly, you possess a Soul-deep motivation to connect with people of similar values. Life is most beautiful when people of similar values and goals work together to create good things for the community. You ain’t talking about values in terms of how we identify with religions, races or political views though—you’re so much more transcendent than that! You’re so much purer than that~

your Co-Creational prowess – Ace of Wands Rx

You and your Soul Tribes definitely will come up with some crazy-ass creative solutions for many of the world’s problems. I really can’t imagine a person with your type of consciousness being confined to an office cubicle 9-5 hahah But since the workforce is changing rapidly, it doesn’t seem a problem in the near future. Still, I feel most likely you will jump into very unusual types of jobs like a forest ranger or something related to the healing and protection of wildlife XD

Perhaps some of you will want to be involved in politics or journalism or something on the periphery of those segments of society, because you’re seeking justice for those who don’t have the power to seek justice for themselves. Perhaps in a sense, you will create a true crime podcast revealing all the dark and corruption of some industries and stuff like that. Basically, what you and your Team Mates are meant to do is something that could be considered quite ‘scandalous’…to the establishment LOL

What you do may not be the most original thing in the world, but your Soul Mission ain’t about that; what you do and create will have a very refreshing impact on your audience nevertheless. You will become very popular with whatever endeavour or movement you will be championing with your Soul Tribes. I see that you could be involved in more than two projects that could be related to one another. When you’re fully immersed in your Soul Mission, I promise you Life is going to get exciting again and the greatest reward of all is the sense of positive Human connections you’re able to foster along the way.

turning wishes into Reality – 9 of Cups

Since you’re doing so much good on the Planet and the effects are positively felt by a large group of people, you bet the money is there as well. I imagine someone like Sadhguru for some reason? He does a very spiritual thing and his teachings have touched the lives of so many people, although in a sense what he does is ‘business’ so he’s smart enough to know how to expand his exposure, influence, and wealth. This isn’t evil, of course, and I think you know that already XD People are deserving of financial rewards for all the good they do for the world, right?

And if you’re still unsure, try to understand that getting the money for your spiritual work will allow you to continue to do more of that spiritual work, and that is ultimately what’s good for all of Mankind—if you believe in what you do. Right? Right. So, Mother Earth and the elements of nature want to shower you with a great abundance of material wealth that corresponds with the spiritual happiness you gain from making other people’s lives better.

If when you’re reading this you feel that you’re not fully immersed in your Spiritual Mission yet, it’s going to happen this year, babe, so get ready! For the majority of the peeps tuned into this Pile, it’s gonna start happening this summer, end of the year, up to mid 2025, or maximum the next couple of years for some, OMG!!! Are you ready?? Are you ready?!? Why am I more excited than you?!?!? XD

MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD🔻💗

YOUR WORLD – Priestess of Opulence

COSMIC ANCESTORS’ SUPPORT – Red Astrologer (William Lilly)

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – Your Duality that Resembles Mother Gaia Herself

Soul-deep motivation – Queen of Cups Rx

The spirit of service, of nurture, was something that was already embedded in you from a young age. Perhaps it was nature; perhaps it was nurture; either way, you’ve always wanted to be of some kind of help to the world at large. You’re someone who has a charitable Soul. You were the kind of kid who’d nurture a sick stray animal back to health; you were probably the weird kid who’d be so gentle to worms whereas other children would squish them to mush; you were also likely the kind of kid who weren’t afraid of getting dirty to help someone find something valuable that had gotten lost in a gutter or something.

You’re such a gentle Soul, but sometimes you do feel a little misunderstood or even underappreciated. In some manner, you could’ve gotten taken advantage of quite a bit for your generosity. You’ve felt like, when you extend some help, sometimes you notice how people take your help for granted as if they expect you to do whatever it is you’re helping them with naturally—as if, you’re a maid or a henchman or something—and they’re not even that appreciative in the end. Like it’s expected. Like your entire existence is just for serving them. Ugh, yuck.

That’s crazy and massively annoying because deep down you’re a super self-respecting person who can be a bit of a bitch when you let loose, but you make an effort to present your best face forward and be helpful always, so it’s only natural that you expect to be treated with appreciation and grace. That’s just basic. At the core of your being, you believe in a world where people show deep and genuine appreciation for what’s truly good in this world. Genuinely good and helpful people are rare in this world, you’d be a little happier if the world would show more respect and gratitude for rare qualities like these.

your Co-Creational prowess – Knight of Pentacles

Due to your charitable and generous nature, it is possible that this feeling of being treated like some kind of an underappreciated maid is a theme surrounding your childhood or young adult years. But as you grow up and grow into your power, sooner than later people will notice what a grandiose character you are. You’re just naturally gentle and sweet and helpful, but when you stand still you exude a strong charisma just from your regal quietude. Well, depending on many things in your birth chart, this charisma and quiet power could attract admirers or enemies. At the end of the day, you just need to know how to play your cards right XD

So you can see, you have a natural charm about you that can gather many enemies, all for your learning of how the Devil ticks. If this is the case, best believe when you’re older you’re going to swash so many narcs, bullies and unveil the tricks of the truly negative people in society. If your natural charm attracted many admirers since you were young, very likely when you’re grown up you’re going to continue to serve as a humanitarian or philanthropist or whatever it is that you do to help the less fortunate.

Your path is one that’s filled with learning, careful planning, baking ideas and experimenting with new ways of doing things. Perhaps that is why you’ve had to deal with difficult or annoying—even frustrating—human interactions from a young age. It seems like that whole ordeal was necessary for you to understand the variety of human psychology. This will serve you greatly when you’re on your Mission, gathering different types of people in a team, battling different types of losers and psychopaths on the way.

turning wishes into Reality – 4 of Cups

Hahah, before jumping into your main real Soul Mission, you could’ve felt that Life is so boring. No matter how glamorous it could look to outsiders, no matter the money you have, no matter how grateful you are that your everyday is fulfilled and you can eat whatever you want, you could still feel like nothing that you do is truly deeply importantly meaningful. In the years leading up to your spiritual breakthrough, you will be itching for something more. You may not necessarily understand what ‘more’ means but it’s just a nudging feeling that there should be…more to your whole existence.

At some point in your spiritual awakening phase, you will be tempted by the Universe to choose from amongst a few options or paths to take seriously for the continuation of your existence. Weirdly wildly enough, even if you can’t really explain why, you will choose one thing and one thing only: your Highest Intended Destiny. You may not necessarily know exactly what it means or how to get there, but you’ll choose wisely. This isn’t something you could mess up, trust that. If the Universe is tempting you, it is more for you to see for yourself just how badly you want this. And if you want it, you will have it~

By the time you’re reading this PAC, I think it’s obvious you’re mere months away from fully embracing your truest highest intended Soul Mission. Months…could mean up to 2 years or so hahaha But babe, Mother Gaia is saying, your Life is going to get even more abundant than now (if you’re already quite abundant) but more importantly, that extra abundance is going to come from endeavours that are truly exciting. Your Soul will sing again when it happens~! Since this is a general reading, I can’t pinpoint exactly what’s coming into your Life soon, but your intuition already knows this, right? Keep the vision! Expect the best! Because it’s really coming to hit you like a silly UFO!

MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD🔻💙

YOUR WORLD – Priestess of Beauty

COSMIC ANCESTORS’ SUPPORT – Silver Astronomer (Galileo Galilei)

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – You Have Everything in Your Power to Create Your Very Own Peace and Calm

Soul-deep motivation – 3 of Cups Rx

You’re somebody who has a tough outer appearance. It’s probably your optimism and confidence, but for some, it could also be your resting bitch face and aloofness. At any rate, most people would never guess how sensitive and fragile your heart really is. That at the core of your being you’re such a lovely person who would be extra gentle and friendly towards animals and children. It's probably some kind of a paradoxical existence that you can understand through the lens of astrology :D

You’re definitely an Old Soul who has experienced many past incarnations on Earth before, and thus you possess this level of complexity to both your psychology and worldview that most people can’t even grasp. I know that Human beings tire you for the most part if you’re honest about it. Though I sense, many of you tapping into this Pile are still such sweethearts that you still make an effort to be accommodating and understanding! What can you do? Humans are infants in the grander scheme of cosmic events XP

You came into this world carrying Soul-deep motivations to smoothen out friction in society, mitigate cultural conflicts, dissolve hatred born out of differences, etc etc… Isn’t it crazy that people can hate and even destroy each other due to ‘differences’ when at the core of everything, we’re all really just Humans riding on the same ship—Planet Earth?

You, are essentially an ambassador of Peace. If you’ve chosen this Pile as your main pile, know that you have a very important role to play on the world stage. This is defo my ‘celebrity pile’ hahah

your Co-Creational prowess – Knight of Cups Rx

The majority of you tuning into this reading probably have significant Pisces/12th House placements—followed to varying extents by Scorpio, Capricorn or Aquarius. In simple terms, I’d say you don’t immediately look like a ‘spiritual’ person and depending on what kind of industry you’re in, your true sense of OG spirituality could well be hidden, or that you could’ve needed to struggle quite a bit to let your more spiritual side shine. Due to this paradoxical background, when you speak on the world stage, you’re going to offer the world some of the most fascinating perspectives on what it means to be a spiritual being having a Human experience at this passage of time.

No, baby, you don’t understand; you’re going to be super fascinating! The elders who are currently doing their thing on the Internet can’t even keep up XD And of course, we’re not talking about being in a competition with our wise elders who are already doing their Lightwork. This is just acknowledging your brand-new highly elevated perspectives that could change the world for sure. And to be sure, we acknowledge that we’ve learnt a great deal from the elders, too, right?

In that sense, you could also be the type of person/persona that bring back knowledge or speeches from old—even ancient—esoteric texts. Whoa, those are some highly intelligent writing/speeches—kids of today can’t keep up what with their brains rotting every day from TikTok LMAO You have this power to glue together aspects of society, history, or Life itself, that don’t usually work on paper, but you can make it happen because you’re FUTURISTIC as fuck!

turning wishes into Reality – 4 of Wands Rx

It’s very clear to you that there’s no going back when it comes to the trajectory of what Humanity is becoming. The problem is, most Humans aren’t even aware of what they’re being herded towards becoming. And you want to be that force that halts this train to hell and inform the passengers of all the details of their journey as a collective. What you can do for yourself and Humanity is to enlighten with your words/speech—to wake the people up from their mass delusions.

Humanity has been living under a bad spell for far too long. I think you’re the type of person who understands that the first step in removing black magick is to first be aware of its existence. The power of black magick lies in deception and sneaky movements. As long as the mass can be aware of it, its effects weaken naturally; that’s the thing with black spells, you know that? And this is why your perspectives matter. When you speak the quiet part out loud and help the mass realise some kind of a blind spot.

Your words are very much needed by this world. You’re going to be some kind of a prototype that gets emulated by others in the decades to come. You’re going to be blessed by so much ease and abundance as you continue courageously to walk this path of a trailblazer. Your good karma, essentially, really comes from your walking this lonesome and challenging path of a spiritual rebel—a spiritual gangster, even LMAO

MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD🔻💜

YOUR WORLD – Priestess of Innocence

COSMIC ANCESTORS’ SUPPORT – Silver Magus (Merlin)

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

[PAC Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings]

224 notes · View notes

sweatervest-obsessed · 1 year ago

Text

You're Keeping Me Down

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader (she/her)

WC: ~5.8k

TW: mentions of trauma, mentions of Maeve, kissing, previous relationships, swearing, alcohol, so much crying, bad decisions, girlbossing

A/N: ayo....angsty teehee. I hope y'all like it! It's a sequel to Dedicated to New Lovers and was inspired mainly by Sara Bareilles's Gravity, some Harry Styles, and other sad songs. I hope y'all enjoy it!! I really do love reading all of your comments, and tags, and feedback because it makes me so happy to know you guys are enjoying the writing!! <3

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ~Maya Angelou

Something always brought you back to Doctor Spencer Reid. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how much you fought it, something about the universe could not keep you away from him for too long.

It was like the two of you were attached at opposite ends of a string, always pulling you towards one another, ignoring whatever you had been feeling beforehand.

There was nothing you could do to escape him. You had tried traversing the globe, studying in Greece and Turkey, or taking vacations in the most remote villages of China; you had even done a two-week expedition traveling to Antarctica. But somehow, some way, Spencer Reid stayed in the back of your mind.

Sometimes, it was like he was right next to you. You could still feel him next to you in your bed, or if you were alone in your car, your hand was absently reaching toward the passenger seat, only to feel the leather and not his leg.

Maybe it was because all of those stupid little facts he had spouted to you were resting in the back of your mind, popping up when you’d come across anything he would have told you about.

It was something you missed. He would just ramble on about anything to you, watching the joy on his face as he continued to speak, so grateful to have an audience, to have someone who cared. But you’d have to remind yourself that Spencer chose her as his audience instead of you.

Her.

The guilt of Maeve’s death followed you around more than Spencer did. At first, it was anything to do with therapists. The thought of choosing someone to speak to outside of your circle was a betrayal you had felt, and you couldn’t bring yourself to do the same. Then it was your distrust of your friends, watching as they became less and less frequent in your life.

Work was all-consuming. You knew this fact well. Being one of the top profilers in the FBI meant that news of your transfer went fast, and the job offers came even quicker. But you decided to take some time off to rediscover the girl you once knew, someone outside her job.

The BAU was simply your life for the past eight years. You worked at the BAU, you dated inside of the BAU, and your friends were all within the BAU–It was honestly a joke that it all had decided to come crumbling down once you felt secure in your life, in your job, in your relationship.

You had filed the paperwork that allowed you to take two months of paid leave, not to leave the department. Your social media suddenly became filled with images of Ancient Greek monuments, Italian Vineyards, the French and Swiss Alps, and cities you once only visited in your wildest dreams.

Escaping reality was the best way to rediscover who you are. And so you tried.

When you returned from your two months, you had walked into the BAU bullpen and straight to Hotch’s office. Your skin was tanner, and your hair was a bit lighter from all of the sun. You were suddenly this confident woman again, but you weren’t who you were before, making you nearly unrecognizable.

“Y/N, please come in.”

You smiled warmly at Hotch, giving him a quick hug.

“You look good. How were your travels?”

You smiled and leaned against the wall, not wanting to sit since that meant you would be here longer than you wanted.

“It was everything I needed it to be, Hotch .” You nodded to the file on his desk with your name on it. “I take it Garcia ‘accidentally’ discovered my file and decided to drop it off?”

Hotch sighed and opened the file, looking over at you. “Of course she did. I thought you were just transferring after your leave; I didn’t know you were leaving the Bureau entirely.”

You nodded, a sad smile making its way onto your face.

Hotch looked at you, replicating the same sad smile.

“I wanted to tell you in person since I didn’t want you to find out via paperwork, but I should have known to come to your office first and then file it instead of filing it on my way to your office.”

A soft chuckle passed through Hotch’s lips as he nodded. “We’re going to miss you more than before, Y/N.”

“I won't be gone forever, Hotch. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“I know.” He rounded the desk, giving you a quick hug, arm on your shoulder. “You have my number.”

You gave him a quick smile, nodding, “Don’t worry, Jack will still be getting weekly updates about my travels, and expect a box of goodies occasionally. I have to uphold my reigning title of the coolest aunt ever.”

As you left Hotch’s office, you didn’t notice Spencer at the coffee station. You didn’t see as he watched you quickly drop a note off on Emily’s desk and another on Derek’s desk before stepping into the elevator for the last time for the next two years.

You didn’t notice the heartbreak in his eyes, and you didn’t notice the fact that he had overheard as you told Hotch you weren’t coming back to the FBI at all.

But somehow, you found yourself back in that same elevator, visitor badge clipped to the new dress you had received as a gift from a friend during your month-long stay in India last year. The fabric draped across your body, highlighting how beautiful your curves were, and the colors brought out this newfound radiance in your skin, your eyes, your smile...

Color was the newest development in your life. The BAU meant that everything was in professional shades of blue, black, white, or maybe a subdued purple or green if you felt risky. But suddenly, your wardrobe burst through the rainbow as you experimented with patterns and shades, basking in this newfound joy beyond the world of suits.

Eighteen months of experimenting–with life, with colors, with places you called home, with love.

You had two brief “love affairs” as Garcia lovingly called them. One was only two weeks long, but the other was a few months. Yet both were missing something special and could barely converse with you. Maybe that was how Spencer felt. And the sex wasn’t all that great either.

And yet, after Eighteen months, an award, four nominations, a cat, a mediocre short-term relationship, and one groundbreaking dissertation that led to a Ph.D. later, you found yourself back in that damned elevator.

You inhaled sharply as you heard the tiny ding, doors opening up to a sight that made your stomach twist. It was truly bittersweet to be back, to visit the place that once carried everything in your life, and to have it be so foreign to you.

But what was not so foreign was how one Derek Morgan looked up as the door opened and his eyes filled to the brim with light.

“Well, well, well, look who it is.” He dropped his file on his desk and met you in the middle of the side aisle of the bullpen, pulling you into a bone-crushing hug. “My woman.” He muttered into your hair, giving you an extra squeeze before pulling away slightly.

“What’s up, sexy.” You laughed, thrilled to hear he hadn’t changed too much while you were away.

“I’m sexy? Have you seen yourself recently?” He laughed, and you gave him a twirl, eager to show off one of your favorite dresses. “And where did you get this? Wait, wait, let me guess.”

You pursed your lips, failing to hide the smile that was beaming across your face.

“Was it your time in Taiwan? No no…Pakistan?”

“So close. India. Maybe next time, champ.” You patted his arm, turning your head at the gasp behind me.

“Do my eyes deceive me, or is that Doctor Y/N Y/L/N, world traveler extraordinaire?”

“JJ, you saw me three days ago.”

JJ pulled you into a hug. “Yeah, over Facetime,” she grumbled, not even trying to pretend she was upset at the sight of you in person. “You seriously have to stop sending Henry so much stuff.”

“Some of it is for the other one, too.” You muttered to her, knowing she wasn’t fully public with her pregnancy at the BAU just yet.

“I’ll be right back, I promise, I just have to say hi to Hotch first.” You placed your hands on their arms, turning towards Hotch’s office. As you went to knock on the door, it opened, leaving you face to face with the only person you weren’t ready to confront just yet.

“Hi.” He breathed out.

And fuck you, he looked so good.

“Hi, Spencer.”

You watched as a wave of emotion rippled across his face. His name almost tasted weird in your mouth, not something you’ve often said in the two years apart.

“I’ll, um..” He moved to step out of the way, letting you maneuver into Hotch’s office.

But you had also tried to move, causing you and Spencer to almost collide, causing his hand to barely grace your waist. A spark flew through your skin at the thought of his touch, causing goosebumps up and down your body.

You both muttered an apology, eyes not leaving the other until you quickly moved into Hotch’s office, causing him to move back, still watching as you closed the door in his face.

While you spoke to Hotch, catching up, Spencer was down in the bullpen at his desk, barely even trying to move them away from the windows.

JJ and Derek stood around his desk, looking from the office to Spencer and back again.

“She’s back.” He said simply when Kate approached them, wondering why they were all standing around, staring at Hotch’s office.

“Who?” Kate crossed her arms, looking between the agents, hoping for an answer.

Spencer said your name for the first time in a very long time. And it was almost as if his brain whirred to life, like some part of him had been dormant for a long time.

“Doctor.”

Spencer gave Derek a weird look. “What?”

“It’s Doctor Y/N Y/L/N now, Pretty Boy.”

Spencer let his mouth fall into a small oh, letting his mind sink deeper and deeper into the pit of you.

When you had originally left, Spencer decided to try and ignore you. It didn’t work, but he wouldn’t seek you out purposefully. He never looked up your name and tried to steer clear of the conversations involving you. But he wondered why you had never mentioned wanting to get a doctorate beforehand. He would have remembered something like that. He should have remembered something like that. ______________________________________________________________

The thought of Spencer’s fingers on your waist was the only thing you could think about for the rest of the day. Your skin hadn’t stopped tingling, and suddenly you wanted to drown in his touch, let his hands roam over your body and— “Stop it.” You said out loud as you put in your earrings.

Your mind wasn’t playing far.

“What did you say, sweetheart?”

“Nothing, just talking to myself!” You called back, sighing as you smoothed out the front of the dress you had changed into.

The team had decided to throw you a welcome-back party that night, generously hosted by David Rossi. And since they had all wanted an excuse to get dressed up, you gave them that much, meaning you had to dawn heels and a touch of makeup to accentuate the features you wanted. It also meant you got to pull out another stunning dress you had bought.

Celebrating your doctorate, which you completed a year early, you had flown to Milan with Emily Prentiss and decided to go shopping, which is how you ended up with the current dress you were wearing.

It fits you in all the right places, showing off just enough cleavage to be tasteful but maybe tempt something a bit more. You wondered if Spencer would like—

“God, I forgot how hot you look in that dress.”

“Emily Prentiss, I could kiss you on the mouth.”

Emily laughed and looped her arm through yours, staring at the two of you in the mirror.

“Thank you for flying in on such short notice.” You whispered, unable to take your eyes off of the reflection staring back at you.

“We can call the whole thing off right now…”

You shook your head and smiled at her. “It’s for me. And I really want some of Rossi’s cooking right about now. Especially now that I can compare my worldly experiences with the Italian Masterchef himself.” You laughed, causing Emily to laugh with you.

“Let's get going, yeah?”

The ride to Rossi’s house on the outskirts of Washington D.C. made for a relaxing drive, filled with updates from your best friend about each other’s lives, even though it had only been a month since you had seen each other last.

“I think you’re being perfectly reasonable, hun.”

“You’re saying that because all I do is cry these days,” you grumbled, kissing the head of the black cat in your lap.

Emily laughed and took a sip of her wine. “Or maybe I just know that you need a change of scenery. You’ve dedicated your entire life to the BAU and now you need to explore the entire rest of the world.”

“I think you just want to go to Greece with me.”

“You know how much I love Mamma Mia….”

You cracked a smile and picked up your glass. “Maybe Em, I’m not sure…I just…”

Emily watched as you looked up, trying to keep the tears from your eyes.

“I know he’s not worth the tears,” you mumbled, but you exhaled slowly. “It’ll just hit me sometimes.”

She stayed quiet, watching as you slowly worked through whatever was happening in your head.

“It’s like he’s right next to me sometimes. I…It’s like sometimes my own head is against me for not talking to him. I heard a song the other day, and I immediately turned to tell him something about it and–It’s like he’s ruling over my mind—” You huffed angrily. “I feel like I’m not making any sense–god.” You downed your wine and placed the glass on the table. “Maybe I’m just meant to wallow and drink wine and be completely useless for the rest of my life…past my prime, past my worth. I was so—I was so fucking sure he was the one…Like there's this strong attachment to my chest and I’m connected to him for eternity, regardless of whether he loves me or not.”

Emily pulled you into her arms while you cried, rubbing your back.

“You are so much more than him, hun. You will go out in the world, figure out who you are again, and stand so tall, just how you’re supposed to.”

“So tall.” Emily looked at you as she parked the car in Rossi’s driveway.

“Just the way I’m supposed to be.” You whispered, looking over at her, smiling. ______________________________________________________________

You’ve been to Rossi’s more times than you could ever admit, but it managed to take your breath away every single time. After his first wife had passed away, he had put in a garden near the edge of his backyard, providing beautiful color for you to look at from the porch.

Somehow, you always had a half-full glass, managing to have someone always get you a new drink when you seemed low.

You managed to talk to Jack and Henry, telling them all about the wonders of the world you had seen, then being pulled away by Garcia to discuss that brief love affair you had in Argentina, which then led to telling Derek about your time in England, studying for your doctorate.

Gratefully, you excused yourself when Rossi announced that dinner had been served, leading you to the tables set up in the backyard, filled to the brim with all your favorite foods. He had simply done too much.

Dinner was filled with smiles, laughs, and chatter about the ‘good ol days’ and the newer memories being made. You had become acquainted with Kate Callahan, Emily’s replacement. She seemed nice enough, but you both were hesitant of one another.

Spencer was sitting across the table from you. The two of you would catch glances at one another, passing moments where you couldn’t help but notice the way the wind ruffled his hair or the way the garden’s fairy lights reflected in his eyes.

“So, what brings you back to Washington,” Hotch asks you the question every person at the table has been dying to hear the answer to.

“Oh! Well…” You blushed slightly and shrugged. “It’s not that big of a deal, but I was just offered a position at Georgetown as an adjunct professor. If I take it, I’ll teach classes for at least the next semester. That is if I like it more than King’s College in London..”

The table erupted into congratulations, ending with a toast from Rossi.

You all raised your glass in “Salut”, and took a sip from your drink, but you couldn't help but look at Spencer, who was already looking at you.

Excusing yourself from the table, you went inside quickly, walking towards the kitchen sink. You ran your hands under the cool water before splashing it across your face.

“Y/n…”

There it was. The moment you had been dreading. The two of you were alone, no one else to buffer you, no one else to take your arm and drag you to the dance floor.

“Spencer.” You turned around, your body leaning against the sink. God, you felt so small, so unable to watch yourself.

“That’s a–that’s a beautiful dress.”

“Milan.” You mused, fiddling with the ring on your pinky finger, unable to look away from the man before you.

“Ah.”

The silence hurt. Watching the two of you must have been painful because you could feel it. You once told this man everything about yourself; he once knew how your day went by one singular sigh. He could have told you what you were in the mood to eat for breakfast just by how you woke up.

But now, you didn’t even know what to say.

“Georgetown.”

You nodded and looked down at your nails, seeming that they felt like a safer bet to look at. “Yeah, uh…should be fun. Can I–” You looked up at him. “Can I ask you something?”

Spencer’s head nodded, and you pursed your lips, looking out the window and watching as your friends and family all laughed together and ate together.

“When I was…um.” You cleared your throat, willing away the tears that had instantly sprung to your eyes. “When I was packing up all my stuff two years ago…I found the…W-Was it for her or…” You braced yourself for impact. Waiting for him to respond.

Spencer’s eyes glassed over, and his mouth formed a small oh. He fiddled with his ring finger and looked out past you through the window. He couldn’t bear to watch the travesty he was about to cause.

“You.”

“Oh.” Fuck this. Fuck. You had sobbed over finding it for three hours while packing and then sobbed again as you moved out. Somehow, hearing it out loud was worse.

He was going to propose to you.

Spencer Reid had wanted to marry you. And god, that hurt. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, and then he told you that he wasn’t in love with you anymore.

You didn’t care if you were reserving a spot in hell for yourself by damning an already dead woman. Her death meant Spencer could feel an ounce of the grief you just dug up. A sliver of the pain.

Suddenly, you felt his hand on your jaw, a thumb on your cheek, wiping away the tear that had escaped your eye. “I am so sorry.” He whispered.

And that broke the damn.

He pulled you into his arms, and you let him, surrounding yourself with Spencer. Letting the smell of his cologne wash over you, letting him squeeze you tightly like he used to so long ago. The feeling of his chest rising and falling gave you such comfort that your brain was screaming at you to run away from it. You had finally built all your walls back up; you felt as if you could finally exist, but here in his arms, the world was silent.

In his arms, you felt fragile; you felt so small. All of the strength you had was gone. And it felt so fucking good to not have to be the strong one, the person with the brave face.

“I’m so sorry.”

His lips kissed your hair, arm running up and down your back, trying so desperately to bring back that sense of comfort he once could provide you. And it was fucking working. God, why was it working. Why did it feel good? Why couldn’t you pull away?

“Spence…” You mumbled into his shirt, that had been stained by your tears. You shook your head. “I can’t…We can’t…”

He pulled away from you slightly, eyes saddened, and you couldn’t tell if it was because you were rejecting him or because he still loved you just as much as you loved him.

“I love you.”

You pulled away from the kiss, hand on his chest, smiling brightly at him. “What?”

It was the most beautiful you had ever looked, Spencer decided.

Your lips were puffy from how much the two of you were kissing, hair messy from his hands running through it, eyes wide with just as much love repeated in his own.

“I love you.” He repeated, smiling beyond measure.

“Say it again.” You mumbled, yanking him back down to your lips, kissing him again and again.

“I love you so much, y/n y/l/n.”

You pulled away, laughter filling up the entire room. Pure joy echoed and bounced off of the walls.

Spencer bit his lip, pulling away slightly. You hadn’t set it back.

“Spence…” You cupped both cheeks with your hand, thumb rubbing over his bottom lip. “I love you too.”

Just saying it caused you to giggle, full of love and pure joy.

Loving anyone else would have caused you to gag–it still does.

But the memory makes you shudder, causing you to step out of his arms, quickly wiping away your tears or trying your best to.

The thought of love made you want to rip your head off. It made you want to sink to the bottom of the ocean and never resurface.

Spencer said your name, making you shake your head.

“You don’t love me Spencer. You haven’t for a long time.” The admission caused a resurgence of tears, making him take a step towards you. “No, Spencer, no.”

You shook your head again. “I-I can’t…you hurt me. You…you left me for someone you had never even met. She was–god.”

“I never loved her the way I love you.”

“No.” You whispered, chest heaving. “No, no. You can’t..fuck. Don’t say that shit–why would you say that shit to me.”

“Because it's the truth.” He said softly, too calmly for you to just ignore it.

“How can you stand there and say that to me? You don’t mean it—You can’t..” The past two year’s worth of therapy, of moving on, of becoming your own, came crumbling down because fuck, you didn’t know what to believe anymore. “How can you just…You don’t fucking mean it.”

“I know you don’t believe me, but I–”

“Don’t believe you?” You laughed at that, tears mixing with the stabs in your chest, dropping past your mouth as it laughed and laughed and laughed. “Then why did you fucking leave me. Why–Why–Why did you tell me to move out and…God Spencer, why did you come here tonight.”

You were almost hysterical at that point; all Spencer could do was watch. He couldn't touch you because every time he tried, you’d move away or lose some part of your mind even more.

“What about me was so–so–so, so boring, so understimulating to you, so desperately ignorant that you told me you didn’t love me anymore, that you kicked me out of our home, that made you reconsider wanting to marry me. And you know, I get it, I do. You found someone on your level intellectually, I get it. But still, I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life–what did she have that I didn’t, huh? What about her made her more appealing to talk to than me? ”

“She…”

“She what, Spencer.”

“I wasn’t–”

“No.” You were leaning back against the counter, trying to gain some semblance of yourself back from the spiral you were on. “Don’t lie to me. Don’t give me some ‘unworthy’ thought process because maybe you’re fucking eidetic memory doesn’t remember all of the conversations we used to have, but I fucking do. I couldn’t cut them out of my skin if I tried, and god did I try.”

Spencer stared at you, dumbfounded. He didn’t know what to do; he couldn’t function. All he could do was watch the pieces of you shatter all over, reliving the exact moments you were, but instead of being able to make it right, all he could watch as you closed yourself off more and more.

“Y-you tried?”

“God, Spencer, did you even look at me during those months.”

“I…” He just looked at you, really looked at you. “I couldn’t.”

You scoffed, wiping away the tears on your cheeks, and straightened out your dress.

“The only fucking thing I know is that if I don’t walk away now, then I will hate myself for the rest of my life for letting you talk me back into loving you again. And the worst part is, I still do. I don’t think I could ever love anyone again because of how much love I have for you, after everything we had been through, but—”

He kissed you.

Or you kissed him.

You weren’t sure.

But all you knew was that his hands were on your waist, and your hands were on his cheeks, and his lips were touching yours, and everything felt so right within the world, and your body was against his and just–

“Fuck.” You quickly pulled away, both of you panting, staring at one another, unsure about what happened.

You two just stared at one another for what felt like forever until you heard Emily call your name from the porch. You took another step away, back against the kitchen counter, smoothing your hair and crossing your arms.

Emily walked in and eyed the two of you, misreading the tension as something more antagonistic from before than what had actually happened.

“Uh, Rossi made you a cake…” She looked between the both of you, watching as you nodded at her, standing up fully. You followed behind her, sparing one last look at Spencer, who was just looking at where you were standing.

______________________________________________________________

“Uh, hi, sorry, could you point me toward Agent Hotchner’s Office.”

The person whose shoulder you tapped turned around and gave you one of the most beautiful smiles you had ever seen.

“Well hello, gorg–”

“Derek. Don’t be rude.” The woman next to Derek had elbowed him in the ribs, preventing more HR training for the both of them. “Hi. You must be Y/n. I’m Penelope, and that’s Derek, don’t mind him.” She looped her arm through yours and started to lead you towards the little staircase on the side of the room.

“Hotch’s office is right up here.”

“I–Thank you, Penelope.” You smiled at her.

“I’ve read your file.” She whispered, smiling back at you. “I’m really excited to work with you because you are one impressive woman, let me tell you.”

You blushed slightly, about to respond, but Penelope had knocked on Hotch’s door, causing a voice to tell you to “come in.”

“Welcome to the team.” She pulled away, leaving you to enter Aaron Hotchner’s office for the first of many times.

You opened the door and smiled at the man at the desk. “Hi, I’m–”

“Y/n Y/l/n, You have a very impressive resume. Please, take a seat.” He stood to shake your hand, gesturing to the chair before his desk. You quickly scanned the photos along the walls, the books on his shelves.

“Everyone knows who I am before I know who they are.” You laughed slightly, taking the seat.

“Yes, well, We’re all very excited to have you join us here.”

The memory of your first day hit you like a wave when Aaron pulled your seat out for you back at the table outside. You stalled for only a second, but it was long enough for any of the various profilers at the table to notice something was off.

You smiled through the speeches, and you laughed at the jokes and cried at the sweetness of your friends, but you were somewhere far away, dreaming about the moments that led you up to where you were.

“And that is why I am glad to have you back because clearly, the universe respects you enough to let us all come together to celebrate the return of our Y/n.” You raised your glass and cheer with Rossi, standing up to hug him.

“Now.” You smiled at all of the faces that looked up at you. “Let us eat cake!!”

The table erupted and while Rossi cut slices for each of you, you sat back down, listening to what Garcia was telling you, but your eyes kept darting to the person directly across from you.

You could feel his eyes any time they were on you, and you knew they were fleeting glances, but it was just too much.

“Want to take a walk with me through the rose garden?”

You nodded, standing up and accepting Derek’s arm, letting him lead you towards the garden, enjoying the fresh air and the sudden weight off of your shoulders. You couldn’t feel his gaze anymore but you knew he was still looking at you.

“What’s next on your list of adventures.” Derek looked at you, watching the millions of emotions race across your face before settling on a smile and a shrug.

“I’m not sure yet. You know about Georgetown, but I don’t know about D.C. anymore….”

Derek nodded and pulled out the chair at the small wire table. It sat under a trellis filled with gorgeously bloomed roses and baby’s breath. The smell was almost overwhelmingly fragrant.

You gratefully took it and watched as he went and sat across from you.

“You looked like you got a bit overwhelmed back there.”

“What happened to not profiling me like I asked?”

Derek chuckled, “It’s not profiling if it’s written on your sleeve.”

You sighed and looked out at some of the flowers. “I don't…”

He let you work through it in your mind, just glad to keep you company while you figured your shit out.

Eventually, you spoke up. “It’s weird.”

Derek hummed in agreement.

“I don’t know. Just. I felt like I was doing so well, and I was becoming my own person, figuring out who I was, and then I come back here, and suddenly I’m back to being that twenty-two-year-old kid who breezed her way through the academy. It’s like I did everything in my power to end up where I did, and then the universe told me I fucked up and should have done something else.”

“I don’t think you fucked up in the slightest. Do you know how many people you saved?”

You went to brush off his comment, but Derek didn’t let you get a word in.

“I know your entire world got completely fucked over, but you were meant to be in BAU. You were supposed to be there. I cannot think of my life without you, I know Garcia can’t, and I know Emily would tear you a new one if you even brought up to her the possibility that you being in her life was a mistake.”

“Yeah, and now I’m thirty, with a doctorate and a cat, and no idea what to do with my life.”

“But you also just spent the last two years seeing the world–how many countries did you go to…”

You pursued your lips, trying to count in your head. A blush spread across your face as you mumbled the number.

“Sorry, wanna repeat that for me?”

“At least fifty…”

“That’s what I thought.” A very proud look crossed Derek's face, smiling at you.

You looked down at your left hand, fiddling with your ring finger. No matter how hard Derek tried, no matter how much you enjoyed his company and the way he was keeping your ego healthily inflated, you couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that you could have been married–you could have been happy.

“He told me when he bought it.”

Your eyes snapped to Derek’s, and he looked at you with such soft eyes.

That was something you had always loved about Derek. No matter how much he cared for you, no matter how gently he was being, he never treated you like a piece of glass.

“He, uh, I was the only one he told.”

You nodded, waiting for him to continue.

“When did you find it?”

“When I was moving my things out of the apartment.”

“Damn…”

“Yeah.” You laughed. It was colder than usual but still antagonistic at the whole situation. “I…um. I found it on the last day when I was cleaning out my bedside table. He knew I never went into the bottom drawer because I literally never kept anything in there, but I checked because, you know, I was asked to leave, and…there it was. It was just…It’s ironic, really, how perfect it was, too. They say that if a guy can’t get the ring right, then he’s not the one for you, but no one preps you on if it’s the perfect ring, perfect size, but you had just broken up two days before you found it…”

Derek nodded, letting you ramble.

“I feel like I’m being weighed down by a million different things, yet they’re all him.”

“What are you going to do about it?”

“I have no fucking idea.”

"Sometimes good things fall apart, so that better things can fall together." ~ Marilyn Monroe

Part 3

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tags: @lilrios-world @gubzgirl @mynameisnotokay @hereforfun22-blog @yoursarahg @mega-kittyglitter-1 @onlyspence

#x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x reader fluff #spence reid x reader angst

1K notes · View notes

jokeroutsubs · 17 days ago

Text

[📝ENG translation] 'My Parents Gave Me a Strong Sense of Identity'

An interview with Bojan Cvjetićanin.

Original article written by Teja Roglič for Ona plus, published 05.11.2024. English translation by @kurooscoffee, review by @weolucbasu, proofread by IG Gboleyn123.

Full article and Spotify link under the cut 👇

🎧 Article available in audio form on Spotify.

Last year’s craze at Stožice, summer festival performances, the Eurovision Song Contest, international success. And then everyone asks, what could be bigger, what could be better? But as the band Joker Out releases their new album, they consciously follow the motto "I want less". Singer Bojan Cvjetićanin explains why: "This is our home, this is our base. If we don’t feel good at home, we can’t feel good anywhere. We need to rediscover love in our base, that’s what we told ourselves."

With the song Bluza, you’re returning to love. Why?

We went through a lot. The songs we released after Eurovision dealt with the most acute situational changes in our lives—touring, exhaustion, questioning ourselves. Now, it’s time to have a bit of fun again. And there's probably nothing more beautiful than being in love. (smiles)

I’ve been looking into people’s stories, into the lives of those around me, seeking beauty.

What did you discover?

That I enjoy writing about love the most. When you write from a place of uncertainty, it’s nice to get those feelings out; when you write about love, you search for timeless beats within yourself, not something that’s only fleeting. I write about the ideals of love I held as a child, and in the future, I’ll see how these have either evolved or fallen apart.

It's best to write about love...

When you have a broken heart.

Your Eurovision song was more socially critical, though it might seem, at first glance, to be about joy. In it, you say: "We won’t take part in your games or your divisions." Did the song’s message reach people?

Undoubtedly. A lot has changed in a year and a half, not only personally but also in terms of our views of social issues. For the first time, we've connected with young people from abroad. It was fascinating to see how connected the fans from different countries became, encouraging each other, learning new languages—even a lot of Slovene. The desire for peace and unity is very strong at our concerts, so our messages have touched them. But of course, you can never reach everyone. (smiles)

You mention changed perspectives with regards to society. Have any ideals been shattered?

Many ideals have crumbled. In school, learning about war, it always seemed odd to me that the world could just go on at the same time, despite the ongoing disruption in the system. Now, I see that we have access to all the information, that we see and hear what’s happening, that we witness an influx of people coming from regions where this is happening, yet everything literally carries on as usual.

War has become more of a trend on TikTok or Instagram than something people feel hurt about. This makes me very sad.

A lot of ideals that have shattered relate to the life of a musician. We’ve achieved things we could only have dreamed of—not just as kids; even two years ago, what’s happening now would have seemed impossible to me. But the ideal that’s crumbled is this one: I don’t always know how to appreciate what I have.

On tour, I often slipped into negative thoughts, didn’t appreciate everything happening to us. This links to the idea that this kind of life is easy, that as a successful musician, you only have fun. This, of course, isn’t true; it’s incredibly exhausting, both mentally and physically. I could go on until tomorrow, listing everything that’s fallen apart, but fortunately, a lot of new things have also come to be.

You’re the idols of generations; do you feel pressure because of that? After all, you’re still young guys too…

No. We already lost the childlike joy of music because we had to start working so much so early and get to know so many new systems. If we also take on the responsibility of raising generations of kids, we could truly fall into a black hole.

We need to be role models, but we can’t shape our work around that. On the upcoming album, there’s a song, 'Muzika za decu' ('Music for children'), which touches on this very point. We want to convey that we’re not addressing generations who think all younger people are lazy bums who only hinder the world’s progress. We’re addressing everyone who is young enough at heart to believe in a better world, a brighter tomorrow.

Photo: Vita Orehek

More and more musicians are stopping concerts at large venues when fans are in distress or overcrowding happens. You too?

Absolutely. This summer, we constantly stopped concerts if people were packed tightly indoors or out in the sun. We handed out a lot of water from the stage, and I even paused a concert if some listener (m.) was treating another listener (f.) disrespectfully. A concert is a safe space; there’s no place there for infringing on the rights of others.

That’s an interesting topic I wanted to touch on anyway. So what is the rock ‘n’ roll world of the new generation like?

It’s a lot better. I’m glad we’re not a group of drugged-out dudes living only for today. Carpe Diem really means seize the day, but for us, that doesn’t mean picking every fruit that exists in the world. Waking up healthy and energised, wanting to go to a concert, being open to meeting new people, our fans, being creative...

That’s what it means to seize the day. Sure, sometimes we go on a trip, we do have fun too. But I’m glad that sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll aren’t our guiding principles in the band. When we watched the documentary about Mötley Crüe, we saw how they started with heroin and opiates and ended with smoothies and fruit. Well, we’re already at the fruit and smoothies stage. (laughs)

“We’re constantly building a relationship that gets deeper every day, even though it seems like it can’t get any deeper,” you told me before the Stožice concert, as I was stunned when you said you were going on holiday with the guys right after the concert. How much do you invest in relationships within the band? We know it’s sometimes challenging to nurture a relationship between two people, let alone five.

This is like a partnership with five people. Except for intimacy, all the other elements of partnership are there. We’re companions. We often live together, work together; the dynamics are demanding. I talk a lot about this with fellow musicians. Recently, I was talking to Mr. Vlado Kreslin, and we concluded that being in a band requires a touch of madness.

Even if it ends someday—nothing is guaranteed—I know I have four lifelong friends. We exist as friends even beyond the band.

Success demands hard work; you’ve told me before how sure you were of your path in the band, of your decisions, and how hard you worked to achieve what you have. And we’re back to the topic that some might say your generation isn’t hardworking, that you’re quick to say what you won’t do at the work place...

The young people I know could hardly be described as not hardworking. I’d rather say we’re diligent, and the drive to work comes from the strong pressure that you need to achieve a lot very quickly, or else you won’t make it in this world. As for them being quicker to say no... Maybe they know they can’t live that way if something doesn’t work. And to live is very costly.

Young people feel they don’t have to stick rigidly to one profession, that they can change courses, jobs, and find something that suits them. We’re far from the days when the son was a blacksmith because the father was a blacksmith, and the daughter stayed home as a housewife. But we also have to know that there’s more and more uncertainty, precarious work.

If Gen Z is the way it is, I wouldn’t attribute that to the generation itself but rather to the Boomer generation. Everything that makes life harder for us isn’t the product of our ideas and actions. But it’s also true that sometimes, you need to stop, think, and make a decision. I’d like to do something today, something different tomorrow, but that’s not realistic. When you’re bombarded by choices from all ends, you have to make decisions. If there are three shirts in a store, I’ll pick one; if there are 250, I might end up buying sneakers instead. (laughs)

You performed at a concert aimed at contributing to the best possible care, treatment, and support for women with gynaecological cancer. You probably get invited to participate in quite a few charitable events; how do you choose them? This concert likely wasn’t a hard choice, as both of your parents are doctors...

My father is a gynaecologist, my mother is a pediatrician, so naturally, when I got the invitation, I immediately thought my dad would be happy if I could perform there. Otherwise, I choose events based on two criteria: whether it’s something important and whether I’m home at that time. I've often had to turn down an event I would have really liked to participate in simply because I wasn’t here.

Life has taken you all over in recent years. What have your parents given you that has stayed with you and has been proven most useful today?

They gave me a sense of normality. I'm an ordinary person who takes everything in moderation. I didn’t become a hedonist, nor did I give in to the patterns that the environment might impose. They gave me a strong sense of who I am and what I am, unconditional self-confidence, and self-respect. And the certainty that I’m never alone in anything.

Recently, the dramaturg Nina Kuclar Stiković and I talked about how Generation Z might be the first to actively work through its traumas, though she noted that taking on such responsibility across generations is a huge task. In the end, you might even feel worse. If you only become aware of your baggage but can’t overcome it, it can feel even worse than if you had never been made aware of it at all, she said. What do you observe around you, in your own generation?

Mental health has never been as openly discussed as it is today. I know many people who go to therapy. It’s actually strange that mental health was never treated before, that this stigma existed. If you have a cold, you stay home, you also heal a broken arm. Today's generations have managed to break free from these shackles. The individual is becoming increasingly more important.

People are working through the things in their minds. And this bothers many people from generations who suppressed everything and unleashed their traumas onto others. I often think how unfortunate it is that we don’t practice everyday therapy in our surroundings. Everyone surely has someone whom they trust. We talk about all sorts of things, but we never ask each other how we are and share that honestly. Now, I do this with a few friends, and it’s really nice. I go to my friends for therapy. (smiles)

Nina also mentioned that patriarchy has wronged not only women but men too. It’s unfair that men couldn’t show emotions and always had to be strong. It always helps if you can share your feelings with someone. What do you think?

The Neanderthal perception of masculinity is passé. We can all first tell ourselves, and then tell others, how we feel and what’s going on in our heads.

This summer, you performed at festivals. Now you have a new album, and you’ll be performing at various venues again, with tickets quickly selling out. It's a carousel that never stops. You mentioned earlier that you caught yourself maybe not appreciating it anymore. What do you do now to keep that from happening?

For the tour that’s coming with the release of the new album, we consciously followed the motto, "I want less." Last year, we played in Stožice, before that in Križanke. This year, we toured Europe, and everyone was asking us what big thing we’re preparing next. But we were only talking about how nice it would be to play at Ljubljana's Cvetličarna again.

Pass by Maribor too, go a bit to the clubs in the Balkans, and that’s it. This is our home; this is our base. If we don’t feel good at home, we can’t feel good anywhere. We told ourselves that we need to find love in our base again. I’m glad we recognise this, that we’re not just banging our heads against a brick wall. The purpose of this tour is simply to enjoy it.

A few years ago, you told my colleague Robert Rebolj, my fellow journalist, and your fellow musician, that you’d like to have kids while still young. Yet you also say that you're in a period where several of your ideals have collapsed as you look at the world around you. Does the desire still remain?

When I said that, I was thinking I’d have my first child between the ages of 28 and 30. Then Robert told me that having a child young doesn’t necessarily mean that. (laughs) I see it now, too, as some of my friends already have children, and some even their second. My calendar no longer just has friends’ birthdays, but, for instance, the first birthday of a friend’s child. (laughs) Yes, I think a lot about how this world is in many ways not what I imagined it would be, but I guess it’s always been that way throughout history—things have never been ideal. I think everyone, in every era, has felt the world is going to- hmmm, well, that’s how it seems to me too. (laughs)

#joker out #jokeroutsubs #bojan cvjetićanin #bojan cvjeticanin #Spotify #jo: bojan solo #source: onaplus #year: 2024 #og language: slovenian #type: article #jos: podcast

144 notes · View notes

zivazivc · 7 months ago

Note

What kind of nu metal music fits Les's band?

First of all I gotta clarify that I sent this ask myself because I accidentally lost the original through constant editing and drafting. I realize I could just make a regular text post but I'm quirky like that, and a question is a nice little attention grabber for those who are interested.

Anyway...

It's hard to point at one song and say this is their sound, because A: I'm picky, B: the band's style changes over time, and C: I don't know what I'm doing lmao

This answer is very long uhh I don't seem to be able to form short responses, mi scusi 😅

Back at home the brothers' music and then also the first year on the road with Flea the band sounds like the albums Music and especially Grassroots by 311. (Grassroots is such a banger of an album, I listen to it all the time, really recommend.)

Hed's the main influence on the band's sound because he's the main vocalist, songwriter and overall the most invested in the band succeeding (Les's main concern is making ends meet, and Flea is just enjoying the ride lol). At the start Hed and Les have had basically no contact with Rock Trolls so even though they're both more metal/punk than regular rock, their "rock side" is softer at this point. Hed also grew up with hip hop because of his peers so there's a lot of rapping in his lyrics. And he also incorporates reggae into his style a lot because of his favorite uncle, Kymani (one of the guys who live with Ish) who is a Reggae Troll. Hed is pretty much a sponge when it comes to music, much like Floyd. The closest I can come to describing his genre is a fusion of Rap Metal and Reggae Rock which are both already fusion genres jskksdjsk

(The band 311 has two singers and oddly they both sound like Hed and Les to me. SA Martinez (the higher of the two voices) sounds 100%, exactly like how I've imagined Hed's voice in my head. For Les I have a different voice claim because Les's personal style of music is much different from the band, but Nick Hexum (the lead vocalist here) is still in the second place when it comes to voice alone. Imagine my enthusiastic surprise finding voices for both brothers in the same band 😄)

examples from the two albums:

youtube

...

While driving around and performing small gigs they come in contact with the alternative and nu metal scene and meet a lot of Rock Trolls (mostly various Metal Trolls) and other mixed trolls, and in the following couple of years their sound gradually becomes heavier (Hed rediscovers screamo lol) and they go from rock to metal.

A year into their "touring" is also around the time Hed meets and starts dating Liv and gets her to join the band. Liv's genre has the heaviest sound of all of them (Industrial/EBM), which influences Hed and the band too. And with Liv on the drums, Hed takes over DJ-ing and is also able to put more focus on the vocals, which also makes Les step down and only sing backing vocals with the rest of the band if needed.

The band in this era sounds like the album Revolution by Insolence and to some degree Introduction to Mayhem by Primer 55.

examples from the albums:

youtube

...

Two years into the bands existence is when Floyd runs into them. At first he's more just standing there, observing their practices and performances warily, because he's had bad experiences with Rock Trolls in his one year alone and metal music still kinda freaks him out at this point. But he soon starts joining in in melodic parts and then it progresses into him singing longer and longer segments because he has the strongest vocals of everyone. And once he saves enough of his earnings for a guitar he starts playing the rhythm guitar too. (The guitar he took with him when he left the Troll Tree got stolen before he met the band.)

I guess I should clarify: Flea is the lead guitarist, Les is the bassist, and Liv and Hed switch on the drums and DJ-ing depending on the track. At one point they also get a keyboard.

It's also not that long before Hed and Floyd start actively writing songs together, sharing each others notes, and they start to split the singing parts more evenly. Hed even teaches Floyd screamo techniques, because he thinks Floyd has a great voice for them (He is correct, Floyd has a mean scream 😁).

During this time the band still pretty much sounds like Revolution by Insolence but with more melodic singing parts from Floyd (and screaming/shouting lmao). I think Verge of Umbra is another good band to compare, it sounds more clean and Floydy but still Hedy. (Man, I should write scientific research papers skjdkjf)

youtube

↑↑↑ song with the lyrics from the drawing at the top

youtube

From here on out I'm a bit unsure how the band's sound develops, but I'm pretty sure Floyd would unintentionally infect them with a mild case of radio friendliness (Pop trolls can't help their in your face nature lmao 😞). So for now I'm stopping here...

This took me days of searching and writing so I would appreciate to hear any thoughts you have if you've come this far and given some of the songs a listen. :)

197 notes · View notes

the-lazyyy-artist · 4 months ago

Text

Pairing: Kamo Choso x Fem!Reader Themes: Best friends to Lovers, a lot of teasing (harmless), pining for each other, Modern AU (No Curses) Author's Note: I rediscovered my love for Ariana Grande's goodnight n go and Imogen Heap's Goodnight and Go. Almost the same song, but with different perspectives.

Him

You and Choso. Choso and you.

Ever since he met you, it's always been like that: the two of you, inseparable. But for so many years that he's known you, one word always pops into his mind whenever someone asks him what his best friend was like: a tease.

Always a tease, and he knows it's all just fun and games. But as soon as he realizes that his heart beats a little faster whenever you smile at him, or you jokingly bat your eyes at him, he knows that this isn't platonic anymore... well, for him.

Since you two became friends and eventually, became best of friends, he makes sure that when you're visiting him at his home, you're always taken care of. Yuji would tease the hell out of Choso if he saw his older brother stress out about little things because to him, "she wouldn't like this. She prefers it this way."

When Yuji mentioned this to you one night, you giggled and bumped shoulders with Yuji. "Choso just cares so much about me, Yu~," you said, grinning at Choso, "it makes me think he could be an amazing boyfriend." Choso stopped whatever he was doing for a moment, feeling his face heat up at your words.

"Onii-chan! The food! You might burn it!" Yuji said loudly, laughing at his brother's reaction. You were snickering along, enjoying the blush on Choso's cheeks. You and Yuji walked away once Choso finally collected himself, shrugging at him as you did.

A tease, a harmless one. But you get him every time.

You

Choso and you. You and Choso.

He was so fucking beautiful when you met him, with those pigtails and purple eyes. But, as fate has written it, you two were destined to be just friends.

He was so sweet, so caring, so wonderful, and you can't help yourself but like him more than just a friend. For years, you've dropped little hints, teasing, letting him know that "Hey! I am so, so interested in you!"

You made sure that every time Choso comes over for the weekend, you remind him to bring his comfortable clothes so he can change into those. And at the end of the day, he'd leave them in your place, resulting in him having his own space in your closet. All of his clothes were neatly folded.

But he never stays the night, and so do you whenever you visit him. Once the clock strikes 10, it's time for you to go home, and it was the same for him. It was always bittersweet whenever he left for the night, and it would take another week of waiting to be in his presence again.

One thing you always enjoyed was watching him tense up and blush whenever you gave him kissy faces in the middle of your conversation, or you'd say something stupid like "You'd make such a wonderful boyfriend, Cho!" or "Oh, I could just wife you up with this cooking!" He was always a blushing mess!

But, you two are just friends, and that's just how it is.

Together

Choso waltzed into your apartment, opening the door with the spare key you gave him. "I'm here," he chimed, and he was greeted by the sight of you hunched over the dining table, laptop opened, and brows furrowed. You weren't joking when you told him you were working for the weekend, your remote job requesting you to finish up the contents they need to publish for the next week.

Choso kicked off his shoes and wore the house slippers that you bought for him, purple. He walked towards you and pulled you in for a side hug, your head leaning on his hips. "You look so stressed," he murmured. You looked up at him with a pout, which Choso always liked seeing.

"I'm so tired, I haven't eaten yet," you said. Choso lifted his large hands to massage your head. "I'm here, I'll cook for you," he told you, his voice soft and so caring, so sweet. You closed your eyes as you felt his fingers magically take all your stress away, humming. He was always so good at making you feel better.

In the next hour or so, Choso, who was in his house clothes, was already in the kitchen cooking brunch for both of you while you stayed at the dining table, sighing and cursing at the videos you were editing. Choso would occasionally glance up from what he was doing, checking on you. "You know I could help you with that," he said.

"I know," you respond, "but that would be unfair, wouldn't it?"

Once the food was ready, Choso fed you as you worked. You leaned back on your seat, pulling away from your laptop. "Thank you for doing this, Cho. Although, you know I can feed myself, right? I can just stop working for a while," you told him, your eyes full of gentleness for the man in front of you. He scoffed, a grin on his face. "I know, but you won't be able to enjoy the food. You'll inhale it in one go," he told you, shaking his head.

"I could just kiss you, you know," you said, smirking. Choso tensed up in his seat, his eyes wide, and his cheeks turning red. You giggled at the view, and when he heard you, he frowned and lowered his head. "I'm just kidding," you said, though you know you weren't.

As the day went on, Choso made you tea and sat down beside you, observing you as you worked. He'd lean his head on your shoulder, and instinctively, you'd lean against his hair, catching a hint of his shampoo. His presence was comforting, and it lessened the stress you felt. He'd sometimes then reach out to relax the frown on your brows, which you laughed softly at. He'd massage your nape when he saw you rolling your neck due to exhaustion.

Before the sun has set, you finally submitted everything to your boss, and turned off the laptop, sighing. Choso was leaning forward on the table, his head resting on his folded arms. "All done?" he asked, watching your face. "Yeah, all done."

The rest of the day was spent on the couch, watching movies and snacking on popcorn that he made for the both of you. Then suddenly, it was 10:00.

"Cinderella has to go home now," you joked, but in your mind, you were screaming "Stay, stay longer." Choso stared at you, and maybe it was just you, but there was some kind of sadness in them. Longing? Yearning?

Then he spoke. "Yeah, I have to go."

He walked to your room to change into the clothes he wore when he came and walked back out to see you for the last time tonight. It took a moment for him to peel his eyes away from you as you stood there, bidding him goodbye.

"Good night," he said softly. You smiled. Good night was your goodbye. It was never a goodbye for you two. "Good night, Cho."

After he walked out of the door and for the night, he stood there outside, contemplating that maybe, just maybe, if he made his move tonight, it would change for the better. Unbeknownst to him, you were thinking of the same thing: to follow him out and stop him before he steps into the elevator, and just confess.

And before you could move, you were surprised that the door swung open, a blushing Choso came into view.

"Is... is the kiss still up for grabs?"

You smiled and nodded, running towards him, and meeting him with a kiss.

He stayed the night, all cuddled up on your couch, with the mutual understanding between the two of you that yes, you two would be great together.

Dividers from @saradika

107 notes · View notes