#I just reckon it’s such a good setup for them to have a kid by the end of the season

[okaydays]

I’m fully aware that this may be a huge reach but-

Perhaps foreshadowing??? A red-headed son???

[cakemoney]

idk how to express this exactly but from the beginning I've felt a bit conflicted about the speed at which d20 seasons are produced. like, i get this is people's full time jobs and there are a ton of people working on it, but also, this is just so much work, especially for a game where an overwhelming amount of the work falls on one DM

but setting that aside, because ultimately i don't know the details on the production timelines and how these decisions are made, i also feel conflicted about the toll it would take to film 20 episodes in one go. i get from a production/scheduling perspective it makes sense to have these filmed quickly all at once, but that's so much improv and mental/emotional work, condensed in such a short time. i think initially i was mainly more curious about how much time brennan had between episodes to prepare, but the last couple episodes of fantasy high junior year made me feel like... it feels like even the players are exhausted. i know there's a lot of discourse about the season (and also in general about epilogues being thematically incongruous, like in a crown or candy), and i can certainly see the subjectivity in whether it's good or bad that brennan always wants to give the players what they want, but i can't help but feel like an unignorable part of it is that in the last episode, it physically felt like the players were too tired to engage with thematic hints or prompts. it feels like maybe in the beginning of the battle, there was a set up of how even the bad kids have been affected by the Rage Crystals into becoming meaner versions of themselves (which was built up throughout the season), but by the end of the battle they just didn't have time to reconcile that and reckon with their own actions before wrapping up. it feels like when ankarna was asking them if her rage could help them, in those individual post-battle scenes, players were saying 'i think i just have to let go and move on' not necessarily because it's what Growing Up entails, but because they couldn't think of anything based on brennan's setup.

i could be wrong obviously, i don't know what they were thinking about. but the intrepid heroes players have often been so good at picking up what brennan is putting down, i don't know if the end of junior year feeling like so many missed opportunities was in some way just a fluke or if maybe the players didn't super want to think about coming back for senior year or what.

[daphnebowen]

hsmtmts headcanons :)? also what show would you have them do if there were a s5 :D

oh my goodness yes hsmtmts headcanons! I have some that I’ve been thinking about so apologies if this is a horrific mess that jumps all over the place :) also this is going to be very very long so apologies 🥰

after the whole “Romeo and Juliet announcement” for Christmas they get twin golden retriever puppies, one for each of them, and name them Romeo and Juliet. Juliet belongs to Ricky and Romeo belongs to Gina. Romeo is affectionately known as ro or romey and Juliet is affectionately known as ju or juju. (pretty sure this one has been said by people already but I LOVE the idea of it and i had to add Juliet)

furthermore on the Romeo and Juliet topic after Mack leaves Quinn asks Ricky to step in 😍

this is more down the line but I have a vision for in the future when Ashlyn and Maddox want kids. they want to adopt though, and as soon as they find the perfect little red haired munchkin Maddox immediately goes to the hardware store and buys tons of paint and they redo an entire room in their cute little cottage for their kid. idk why but that just came to me in the middle of the night, I had an image in my head of Maddie FaceTiming jet covered in paint laughing/crying as they finish up the room.

jet asks Kourtney out at the big New Year’s Eve party at Ashlyn’s. Enough said. she giggles and accepts and the two become a power couple and a force to be reckoned with.

ricky and Gina continue to meet in the secret stairwell and he continues to climb up through her window even after their relationship goes public

We don’t know what ej is majoring in (at least I don’t remember) so during the middle of his freshmen year he switches it to education. he becomes a teacher and goes somewhere else (somewhere in the Midwest maybe?) to teach middle school sports.

ricky pursues music through college and ends up becoming a famous singer/songwriter/music producer similar to nini but he ends up writing a lot of the songs and soundtracks for Gina’s movies.

Gina pursues her acting career and ends up becoming a total rockstar but she never changed her values and who she is. her and Ricky attend every premiere together

when Dewey gets too old to run camp shallow lake anymore, guess who he asks to take over? Maddox. she happily accepts and moves her and Ashlyn and their red haired baby (ash and Maddie are not married yet btw - can you adopt and still not be married? Dumb question maybe lol) over to California. and one day as they’re going through each of the cabins seeing what shape everything is in, they stop by the honeycomb bunk. Lo and behold as they walk in is a magnificent beautiful romantic picture before Maddox, with a huge framed picture of her and Ashlyn and tons of wild flowers and all her favorite guitars and things. She turns around… and there’s ash with a ring. Ashlyn doesn’t even get to pop the question until Maddox screams and tackles her, laughing and saying “I have to show you something!” She pulls ash behind her over to the theater barn and there is almost an identical setup on the stage, except all of Ashlyn’s favorite things. and now Maddox has a ring. You can guess how it ends. (sorry this one was super long but once I got started I couldn’t stop)

ricky has always enjoyed doing public things for Gina, as we’ve seen. He’s always shouting about his love for her in public, serenading her randomly as they walk through town, etc. well his proposal is exactly the same. They’re on the red carpet for a movie Gina had been kicking butt in (literally, it’s an action movie). (like everyone else has said, they got married young. You decide what age you want specifically) Ricky had been acting a bit nervous and Gina didn’t know why. once they got on the red carpet, in the very center of all those cameras and fans, Ricky took her hand and got down on one knee. Gina’s jaw dropped as Ricky gave the most beautiful profound speech in the world since “I love you forever” and immediately Gina started crying as she said “yes yes infinity times yes!” and everyone cheered and Ricky gave her the biggest hug of his life and spun her around did not let go of her for the rest of the night. *side note: when a reporter asked Ricky if he was nervous about proposing to Gina since it’s very public and what if she says no, Ricky replied with a “that’s not why I was nervous at all. No, I wasn’t nervous that Gina would reject me. We’ve been dating for so long, it’s just- we just get each other. We complete each other. I promised her forever and I’m never going back on that promise. because I do love her forever. No, the only reason I was nervous is because it’s so loud here and I didn’t know if she would hear the things I was saying. I was speaking from the heart! and because I’m on tv being recorded, obviously, what if I mess up and do something stupid? but no, I wasn’t worried at all that Gina would say no.” 🩷 (this one was also extremely long sorry!)

Saw some other rina headcanons (sorry this post might be a lot about them bc I’m in love with them so yeah) but one of them was Ricky gets Gina mystery childcare’s every Valentine’s Day and she literally knows who they’re from but plays along anyway because he’s adorable

Carlos and Seb continue to be a little on again off again through college but eventually settle down in a far-style version of glamping with a huge fancy central house and then a rusty old barn for Seb to do this thing with the cows and such

they have both boys and girls and Carlos insists on having a quince for every one of them (I’m thinking big family…)

all of the respective couples when they have kids name miss Jenn as the godmother 🥹

kourtney is a cat person. idk why. but you cannot change my mind. she’s gonna be a crazy old fashionista grandma with tons of cats telling her grandkids stories while her is half asleep next to her waking up every so often to say “and then I…” and then falling back to sleep

speaking of jetney, jet needs 60 million pep talks before he proposes to kourt - it takes a LOOOOOOOONNGGGG time

i imagine their proposal to be somewhere like iconic. idk I don’t have any ideas where - maybe somewhere overseas?? Kourtney makes her Sharpay dreams come true

Kourtney becomes a world renowned fashion designer and jet is just along for the ride. they have twin boys and a girl and he raises them while working some boring 9-5 job but he loves raising his kids and teaching them all about music and their mama since she’s gone a lot. But they FaceTime every day after school whenever Kourtney’s away for her job, it’s the best part of any day

jenn and mazzy love New Zealand so much that they end up moving there once miss Jenn retires (don’t worry, it’s not for a long time) and when everyone goes for a big reunion party to celebrate the 25th anniversary of hsm4

mike and Lynn don’t actually get back together… do they actually get back together in canon? Or are they just like more friendly towards each other and not so standoffish? Because I dunno, a divorce is very final and then getting back together just offsets the whole change thing Ricky’s gone through. But anyways, that’s just me

nini goes on tour Ricky and Kourtney’s freshmen year in college and Kourtney comes back from Lewis to see her perform in Salt Lake City. nini gets everyone prime seating - even Emmy and jet and Ricky - and they all go and have the best time ever. Ricky and nini don’t kill each other on sight and turns out nini is the biggest die hard rina fan ever and ends up writing a song for them on their wedding day. her and Ricky go back to being better friends and things aren’t so tense after they have a huge raging private concert between them too where they sing all of the thoughts they’ve ever had about each other and just let it all out. It’s very therapeutic for them and helps them understand each other a bit more (same vibe as portwells lil thing in season four where Gina apologizes to ej)

and I’m out of characters soooo more hc and what show they do on the way!! Hope you enjoy!

[fukuokadivision1]

Sanyu's Thoughts on Obihiro Division

Hisoka Tetsumasu

"Hisoka? You mean the guy who's got his hands dirty with those illegal mics? Can't say I’m thrilled about what he's done, but I get it. We've all got our own demons to fight, and sometimes you end up on the wrong side of the tracks. It's not like I can throw stones; we're all trying to dodge Chuohku's shadow one way or another."

Sanyu pauses, her expression thoughtful as she continues, "I can't say I sympathize with him, but I understand wanting to break free from Chuohku's grip. It's like being trapped in a cage, and you do whatever it takes to find that sliver of freedom, even if it means bending the rules. Hisoka's just another soul caught in their web, same as us."

She chuckles dryly, "As for him and his horses, I've seen a few Knabstruppers around the circus, striking creatures. But it's the spirit that counts, not the breed. If Hisoka's found solace in those creatures, more power to him. We all find our peace in different ways."

Her gaze hardens with determination, "But when it comes down to it, in the D.R.B., it's not about your past. It's about the here and now. And we'll face whoever steps into the ring with us, no matter their story."

Daiki Kamiyama

"A superhero, huh? He's certainly got that starry-eyed look of someone who still believes in the black and white of hero tales. Reminds of those anime shows Tasuku and I watch from time to time. It's endearing, in a way, but the world ain't no comic book. It's messy, it's tough, and it doesn’t always make sense. I don't envy him; I worry for him. That kind of innocence can get you hurt, or worse, in our line of work."

She leans back, her eyes narrowing thoughtfully, "As for his take on me? I'm no villain, but I'm no saint either. If Daiki wants to understand my intentions, he's welcome to step up and ask. I'm an open book to those who got the guts to read it. Just don’t expect fairy tales; I deal in reality, and it’s a lot more complicated than good versus evil."

Jack Verrill

"Another butler, huh? And here I thought that Yuno guy who lives here in Fukuoka was the only butler we'd have to worry about. But unlike Yuno, this guy's like a shadow, always there but not quite in the spotlight. It's his job, I guess, to be the silent type, lurking in the background, keeping an eye on things. But you don't get to be a butler for a rich family like the Kamiyamas without having a few tricks up your sleeve. He's got that look, you know? Like he's seen more than he lets on, knows more than he speaks. It makes you wonder what he's hiding behind that polite smile and those carefully chosen words..."

Veiled Vanguard

"Veiled Vanguard, huh? They're an interesting bunch, that’s for sure. You’ve got a horse breeder with a shady past, a kid playing superhero, and a butler who’s probably seen more than most. It's like a setup for a joke, but there's nothing funny about stepping into the D.R.B. ring. You gotta have guts, and from what I can tell, they've got them in spades."

"I'm curious about how they all clicked together. It's not every day you see a mix like that, and it's got me wondering what’s the glue holding them tight. Cooperation is key in a team, and they've all got strong personalities that could either mesh well or clash hard. But if they can channel their differences into their music, they’ll be a force to reckon with. I'm kinda curious how they'll do. ...But if they get taken out in the first round, I won't be all that surprised."

[azazelsazaleas]

I finished watching through DS9 a few weeks ago and I’ve been meaning to do a rundown of my thoughts on it. Here goes:

- Oh my god that was fantastic. I really wish it’s given it a fair shake back when it was on the air; I was a dumb teenager who resented it for not being TNG and was going through a weird self-loathing phase where I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was the massive nerd that I am. This seriously lived up to the hype. I may have to do a TNG rewatch because this might just have upstaged it as my favorite 90s Trek.

- Andrew Robinson should’ve been made a full cast member. Ditto Max Grodenchik and Aaron Eisenberg.

- Damar’s transmission at the end of The Changing Face of Evil lives rent-free in my head. I cheered out loud at that.

- One thing the show did fantastically that a lot of other SF/fantasy properties don’t quite get right is that it lands a pitch-perfect balance of “these characters are major, important figures in the larger multinational conflict” and “this conflict is absolutely massive and not everything revolves around the same small group of people.” The fact that Sisko, Worf, Kira, Odo, et al are so important is entirely plausible and it never feels like the writers are trying to gratuitously bring everything back to them.

- That said, I kind of love that Admiral Ross’s leadership approach during the Dominion War eventually consists of doing whatever the hell Sisko tells him to do.

- God, the acting was incredible. Andrew Robinson, Armin Shimerman, Nana Visitor, Marc Alaimo, and Louise Fletcher were real standouts, but everyone was just so damned good.

- Actually, I really need to give special mention to Shimerman. The man went above and beyond to make Quark be something more than a joke character, despite how obvious it was that basically the entire production team wanted him to just be cartoonish comic relief. He worked harder to flesh out his character and show his race as a race of *people* (not just caricatures) than just about any actor playing an alien on Star Trek before him except for maybe Nimoy. Give the man a goddamn Emmy. Don’t believe me? Go rewatch the iconic root beer scene from The Way of the Warrior.

That said: I do have a few criticisms:

- Pretty much all of the (canon) romantic subplots were just…yikes. The only major exception I can think of Sisko/Yates, where they actually seemed to have a healthy dynamic, fall legitimately in love with each other, and generally treat each other like adults in a serious relationship, not bickering teenagers.

- Seriously, Worf/Jadzia got so hard to watch and then the fallout with Ezri was just ugggghhhhhhhhh stop please for the love of god

- Why did the writers need to try to romantically pair off all the female characters? Just, why?

- Kira had more sexual tension with that Romulan lady in half an episode than she did with any of her bucket-of-paint boyfriends over the course of seven years.

- I totally get the behind-the-seasons reasons why things panned out the way they did, but (hot take) I think Dax’s whole arc would’ve worked better if they had killed Jadzia off after the first season or two and brought in Ezri earlier. Jadzia was fun, but she was just too perfect to get many interesting stories and her relationship with Worf felt too much like manufactured drama. Having a trill who didn’t want to be joined, agreed to in a life or death emergency situation, and now has to reckon not only with taking on this symbiotic relationship with no preparation whatsoever but also succeeding this beloved person in the eyes of her loved ones is such a better setup for a character and it’s a pity we didn’t get to see that play out properly.

- Sisko deserved a better conclusion to his story. Give the man his damned house on Bajor and let him raise his kid with Kasidy. He’s more than earned it.

- Next time I rewatch the series, I’m skipping the mirror universe episodes and the ones with the genetically enhanced walking-90s-neurodivergent-stereotypes.

Other random thoughts:

- Dukat’s storyline should’ve ended with him getting killed at the end of Waltz. Either by Sisko, or by deluding himself so thoroughly that he does something suicidal. The pah-wraiths subplot felt like a lazy afterthought (except for the episode where he pretends to be Bajoran and starts fucking Kai Winn) and as much as I liked watching Marc Alaimo act, his story arc was basically over at the end of Sacrifice of Angels….which, incidentally is when Damar actually starts to get interesting.

- I loved the O’Brien must suffer episodes but I thought Hard Time was kind of overrated. Mostly for the plot line with the cellmate; I think I’m a little burned out on seeing stories that have a moral of “deep inside us is a line between humanity and savagery and when pushed to the limit, even the best of us would turn to murder.” It’s been done to death, and it’s really not truthful, at least for many people.

- I think I may have a little bit of a crush on Major Kira. It would never work out if I met someone like that in real life, though. I’m a laid-back, atheist, creative type; she’s a deeply devout former insurgent. Given certain real-life crushes I’ve had recently; maybe I’m just into strong women with big, expressive eyes who wear their hearts on their sleeve and have a spine made of fuckin’ steel. I have no idea what this says about me.

- MORN

- Favorite Episodes: In the Pale Moonlight, The Visitor, Improbable Cause/The Die is Cast, In Purgatory’s Shadow/By Inferno’s Light, In the Cards, Duet, The Wire, Civil Defense, The Magnificent Ferengi, basically the entire Dominion War arc.

[mandy4ever69420]

what do you think about gallavich having kids

well they both seem to really like kids so i ignore my automatic flinch reaction to the corniness of "tv couple has kids" because its not out of character. you know, it's a stated goal of a nice man. i think it'd be nice for them. certainly not til they're in their 30s at least though Sorry Ian one apartment does not a family ready man make

like obviously the whole yevgeny thing would have to be reckoned with like mickey as a man who likes kids + did not want that child but grew fond of him anyway + was forcibly separated for years by incarceration* and not a single aspect of that is conductive to a good emotional response to just having another one. i don't know necessarily that reconnecting is necessary (as opposed to just, noticing and dealing with how it feels) though i think it'd be nice, maybe to have mickey a sort of more distant family figure for yevgeny - i don't think svetlana would allow yevgeny to live in a way that his needs weren't being met AND i think jumping back into being fully involved would probably freak mickey out

as much as i enjoyed their new apartment i think it's a little sad that they don't live with a couple family members anymore (for now) because i think being able to be close with siblings' kids would be really good for ^^ all that - also it's just safer for kids to have a larger support system than just their parents

there are unfortunately also not a lot of ethical ways for a gay couple to GET a kid... i don't have all the sources, i'd have to ask to get a better explanation, but adoption and surrogacy are both highly flawed systems that often mislead and exploit birth parents. annoyingly enough the most ethical idea presented was probably the "you want me banging your sister??" (IVF exists btw mickey. no you do not have to bang his sister in this scenario) exchange because they know debbie and she'd be able and definitely determined to be involved in the life of any hypothetical child. BUT STILL - even beyond that they'd need to be sure she wanted to be involved, id say it'd be important to know she already wanted another kid. like BEFORE saying anything. pregnancy is a potentially dangerous and traumatic process that it's really not fair to ask of someone!

shameless itself within the show briefly referenced the problems with adoption and surrogacy both - in how objectively horrifying some of the people karen talked to were, in how horribly unfair it would've been to separate v's mom from her child with kevin, in those men who wanted to adopt liam and carl with no concern for their existing family who loved them.

thinking about ian and mickey having kids inevitably leads me also into the philosophy of the "nuclear family" which is just in general not a great setup anyway... having more support and more regular contact with trustworthy loving adults is always healthier for a child. having only 2 people be in control of your whole life + whom you rely on for everything carries more potential for abuse or just flat-out overwhelming the parents. so being in a wider family network is probably not what ian is picturing but if i could email him i'd recommend it wholeheartedly

*and probably not knowing where svetlana is. i assume she gave up hope that mickey would care because they're both such "show by doing" ass bitches which is IMPOSSIBLE to do from inside prison. so he can't express his care for a child he's grown attached to and she can't see him care for her son -> she feels heartbroken and doesn't want her son to grow up around a man who "doesn't care" -> she cuts off contact, leaves the area, refuses to discuss mickey. all speculative

[doonarose]

WRITING PATTERN TAG GAME

I have been tagged by @kotias thank you!!

Rules: List the first line of your last (up to) 10 fics and see if there's a pattern! In order from oldest to newest:

Aziraphale deliberately took Crowley to lunch to seduce him. [Pulled]

“We’re closed,” Aziraphale calls automatically at the sound of the bookshop door opening. [Sticky Sweet Seconds]

There’s a moment during their fourth kiss. [A Stunning Moment.]

Crowley reckoned that saving the world (again) had been rather a good thing. [Tomfoolery and other ways to say It, slipped into past tense for a fic...]

“Shall we go for lunch today, dearest?” [Nothing Like A Picnic in the Country, this first line setup still makes me smile.]

“In what universe, did you actually think I would be interested in Christmas frivolities?” [Softly Festive, Christmas fic.]

Crowley’s head is blissfully empty. [South Downs Rimjob, still can't believe that's the title.]

This is exactly where Crowley is meant to be: on his knees, between Aziraphale’s legs, face nestled into the sweaty, musky heat of his groin. [Messily Eager & Eagerly Messy (mind the tags)]

“Are you kidding me, angel?” [Surviving Strawberries, which was written in a sprint.]

For the second time in history, the bookshop lies in ruin. [Four Speed Manual Transmission. Which I didn't expect to end up as good a fic as I now consider it!

“You coming?” asks the man from the shadows of the stone archway. [Rome, 38BC, which still needs a second chapter and a better title...]

So, I guess, sorta surprisingly (although not to me), I do tend to start my fics with something short and sharp, often a line of dialogue but at least something that grabs. This is definitely learned behavior because if I did what comes naturally, it would just be pages and pages and pages of exposition. I still do write those pages but I try to put them after something attention-grabbing so I can trick readers in.... I also note that more often than not I start with Crowley... which is also not surprising at all! A bit of fun!!

Um... tagging: @gaiaseyes451 @gingiekittycat @voluptatiscausa

[ladyluscinia]

What kind of dynamic do you reckon exists between Izzy and Calico Jack? :D

I have other asks in my inbox that I should probably be getting to first, but I'm going to tackle this one because Calico Jack thoughts have been plaguing me. Also I'll probably want to add links and that's much easier if I don't wait.

Calico Jack! He's a bastard frat boy. He's Edward's shitty ex that he's probably had ill advised hookups with every few years. He's Edward's friend, but the kind you really wish he would cut off while acknowledging he can't due to trauma bonding. He's a garbage fire of a man whose nastiness is thrown into sharp relief once you start Black Sails and realize that Jack Rackham makes you want to pet his head and coo "babygirl 💓" and cheer for his thruple.

Which makes it so very strange to slowly become fascinated with ways for other characters to like him and have longstanding relationships with him lol. Yet I have.

So. Short answer first.

My thoughts on Jack and Izzy started in what I'd assume was the very common understanding that these two fucking hate each other. Their personalities seemed likely to clash, Izzy probably doesn't have a record of liking Edward's boyfriends, and I mean... it's Jack. Then I moved onto maybe they are more just kinda bitchy but respect each other as pirates, and the main conflict in their relationship is a petty tug of war over Edward that, crucially, Izzy usually wins (which makes him comfortable, unlike with Stede).

Finally, I honestly don't know how I got to considering JackHands as a concept rather than "you crazy kids do you", but I did. And while I don't per se "ship" it, I am drawn to multishipping because I think characters having complex relationship histories is fun. And suddenly I'm sold on the idea that Jack has been carrying a fond torch for Izzy since forever, and they have hooked up before when Edward was ignoring both of them. Which is where I am now.

(I have one mutual who I know will find this heartbreaking, and for that... I'm sorry. Ish. 😆)

Now for the long answer... Buckle up. We're going to backstory headcanon zone.

-

To get setup out of the way... I don't place Izzy on Hornigold's ship. A couple reasons - mainly that I'm fond of the Navy backstory. I think Izzy is a few years older than Edward and Jack (though probably not a full decade) and they met as adults. Barely adults, on Edward's end (I'll put him at maybe 20), but adults.

I also think there was a gap period between escaping Hornigold and becoming Captain Edward Teach, because who gives a fuck about history? We've discarded that piracy careers were like 5 years long. We can stretch shit. And I want Edward to be a First Mate when he meets Izzy but not Hornigold's First Mate, because I want Hornigold to remain the kind of terrifying, imposing authority figure from his childhood that he can't quite believe he stood up to even decades later, so being his second in command kinda kills that for me. (Makes it more delicious to think about arc villain Hornigold.) For the Captain I'm leaning toward Sam Bellamy but that's off topic.

...At this point I'm realizing that my Izzy-Jack dynamic thoughts are by default Izzy-Jack-Edward dynamic thoughts, so we're actually starting with Edward/Jack.

Edward has a type. Aesthetically-obsessed. Kinda bitchy. Totally crazy. Jack is his type. Probably the first person he met that was, so I imagine they hooked up pretty fast and had a decently long relationship throughout years under Hornigold and continuing after. Edward seems to fixate on Stede pretty heavily long before getting to know him, which makes me suspect that's a pattern for him... in which case Jack was probably his first fixation person. That plus trauma bonding makes them close for life.

The thing is, though, Jack isn't emotionally invested in the relationship. Like he thinks Edward is fun and a good fuck but they aren't dating. Edward knows this, and it cools his investment too, especially as the fixation wears off. Edward free of Hornigold and looking at a future of possibilities is getting bored of Jack as his constant companion and #1 bestie.

Enter Izzy Hands. Fresh off a Navy ship, professionalism too ingrained to let a hair out of place while also absolutely feral with something to prove to all these pirates. He's fancier. He's fussier. He's bitchier. Edward instantly wants to know everything about him and insert himself into every aspect of his life. Jack? Demoted to drinking buddy that can barely hold his attention before Edward is once again bemoaning Izzy didn't immediately agree to fuck him when he did a sick knife trick!

Now, long term, this is not a major loss for Jack. His pride is a little sore over getting dumped, probably a bit bitchy about it, but he wasn't invested so he doesn't care that much. He remains involved in the newly established friend group (something Izzy will not manage with Stede when history repeats). And Izzy turns out to be a vicious little shit, which Jack admits is hot. They are hanging out together and bitchy friends through Edward deciding that he should get his own ship, and by the time Jack decides to strike out independently he's nursing a pretty decent sweet spot for Izzy (who is in the middle of falling hard and fast for Edward in the honeymoon period).

Fast-forward a bit. Edward's fixation on Izzy fades, but not before building a serviceable framework for codependency that Izzy shores up to secure his spot in Edward's life. Sometimes Jack shows up and hooks up with an eager Edward on a fratboy bender while smugly taunting Izzy because he can't help being a dick, which Izzy doesn't take too personally because it usually ends with Edward going back to Izzy (in a professional sense and often literally) when he gets bored again. Sometimes he shows up when Edward and Izzy are at a good point and they fall back into their original friend group dynamic to have fun for a while. And sometimes he shows up when Edward is fully distracted by something else, and - well.

If Edward doesn't want to fuck either of them, it's practically gentlemanly to offer Izzy some of that attention and appreciation that he's being deprived of. 😘 (Jack only shoots his shot when he thinks it might actually work. He knows Izzy's thing for Edward isn't going anywhere, and getting turned down is a bit embarrassing.)

(Izzy is more embarrassed about saying yes, but Jack doesn't refrain from flirting when he refrains from actually asking, so it's not exactly a surprise. And Jack can potentially get Edward jealous while also not actually turning it into a proper fight like someone else would.)

(And Izzy does like attention.)

The highlight of all this is the offscreen meetup between 1x07 and 1x08, when Jack serendipitously (he thinks) runs into Izzy after getting mutinied and asks where Edward is, only to immediately get the story about him dumping Izzy for some rich ponce. What the fuck, Edward? Naturally he offers a shoulder to cry on (and some rebound sex) but Izzy declines. He tracked Jack down because he wants someone to help him dispose of the new mistress, and Jack is more than game because this guy sounds like a waste of air. Really... He thought Edward had better taste.

(He will throw in a quip about Izzy being "sentimental" though, because this amount of effort to get Edward back when he could be having perfectly good rebound sex and leaving the bastard to get bored of his new fling...)

So yeah. That's the history I'm sticking with until canon overrules it or I come up with something better.

On a personality / day-to-day interaction level, I think both Izzy and Jack are naturally bitchy friends (which Edward finds hot). Izzy rolls his eyes at Jack's ridiculousness and Jack taunts Izzy about the stick up his ass, but they both have a base respect for each other. Jack because he's seen Izzy lose it in very dramatic fashion and thought it was hot as fuck, and Izzy because he knows Jack is way more clever and conniving than he lets on (which appeals to Izzy's competency kink, and is demonstrated by how masterful his manipulation in 1x08 is).

Also I cannot emphasize enough how much Jack flirts at Izzy. Izzy doesn't always flirt back, but it will be blatant. (Edward, again, thinks this is hot and funny when he's confident that Izzy is his. Less so when they are on the rocks.)

Oh, and I'm linking this fanart too because it was very persuasive on this mental journey. 🤣

[backslashdelta]

If performing (acting, singing, dancing, etc) wasn't an option, what professions do you think all the new directioners would be pursuing instead?

Oh anon this is a wonderful question thank you so much for asking it!

Kurt. Definitely fashion. I basically headcanon Kurt as going into fashion over performing anyway, so this is an easy one for me.

Finn. I can't really see him sticking with teaching like he'd planned on doing honestly. I think he'd do it for a bit, and then maybe take over the garage from Burt or something? I could see that.

Rachel. She's the hardest to choose, because I think of everyone she's the one I associate most strongly with performing, for what I think are obvious reasons. So it doesn't feel quite right to picture her doing anything else. I could maybe see her doing like, event organizing/party planning? Like I could see her planning weddings and making sure everything is just right because she's a perfectionist and she wants to make sure the bride feels like the most special person in the works at her wedding. The more I think about it the more right it feels honestly, so yeah, that's what I'm going with.

Mercedes. I could see her going into some kind of charity-related work? I think she'd be good at coordinating and she would love how rewarding it was to help her community. she wouldn't always be on the front lines (though of course she is if needed), but she would do a lot of the behind-the-scenes work to make sure everything runs smoothly and whatever money they raise or donations they collect get to where they need to go.

Tina. Why was my immediate thought a tattoo artist? I don't know but I kind of love that idea for her. It's artsy but kinda alternative and I love the vibe of her owning her own studio.

Artie. I could see him going into computer science maybe? I think he's like the problem solving and I could see him with a really impressive and excessive computer setup with like 3 monitors and a fancy Dvorak keyboard and whatnot.

Quinn. I could see her being a journalist! We know she's smart and reads a lot, and I think it would be a really good fit for her. She'd like the investigative aspects and she'd have a great way with words to make her articles interesting and still get all of her points and facts across really well. And she'd love using her job to expose insutices in the community or broader, or raise awareness about political interests she thinks are important.

Santana. Lawyer. She would be a badass lawyer. She's smart and witty and quick on her feet. She has a drive to win and I think she'd be a first to be reckoned with.

Brittany. I could see her owning a bakery! Making cakes and cupcakes and decorating them in the weirdest of ways but they all just come out looking so amazing because she has such a unique perspective.

Puck. I could see him going into a trade. Maybe construction? I could see plumbing as well. Something very hands-on where he can really see the results of his work.

Mike. I could see him coaching sports?? Or teaching dance of course but maybe that's too close to actually being a dance (since obviously if you teach dance you're a dancer lol) so I'll go with sports. I don't think he'd want to be a school teachers, but I think he'd love teaching them sports. In particular I'm imaging him as a gymnastics instructor, just in a gym full of kids like jumping and tumblr around and he would be living for it. I can see it so clearly. And he'd be so proud anytime his kids did competitions, regardless of how they placed.

Blaine. I love the idea of Blaine as a teacher so I think I'm going with that. I think he'd find it really rewarding, and he's be great with kids. And I think he'd teach middle school, because he remembers how much he struggled at that time in his life and he wants to be there for other kids who might be struggling then too.

Sam. I could see him going into social work. I think he has a really big heart and he'd just want to help people, and he would be so great with kids and helping them feel safe when they're at really rough points in their lives.

[colorguardian10]

The enchanted sequel Disenchanted was pretty good but I have Thoughts, and it ended up also being an analysis of the Hocus Pocus movies. Major spoilers ahoy!

These movies make me feel like movie makers are starting to wake up to how to make better sequels. Both stand as good stories on their own, that use the scenario and themes of the previous movie as the jumping off point, not just jerking around its corpse. Both are in dialogue with the previous movie’s themes without regurgitating nor trampling on them.

Hocus Pocus 2 continues the idea of classic witches in a modern setting, and shows the triumph of cooperation over simple, fantastical ideas of power. They’re not going for grand metaphors - it’s a children’s movie.

The teenagers triumph with familiarity of their surroundings, pottery kilns and garage setups, but it’s temporary, and undone with the quirks of those same modern tools. The witches stop burning in the timed kiln and Roombas clean the salt circle. Engaging on the witches’ terms goes badly.

The witches, as cool and confident as they seem, are completely alien in their motivations and divorced from reckoning with the real world. They look right at the camera to tell you that they eat children and delight in people dying as they wonder at TVs and try to eat skin cream.

And I do want to draw attention to “alien”. The bit right at the beginning of Hocus Pocus 2 when the kids ask “who are they even performing for?” and the witch appears behind them and says “You!” is eldritch horror.

They’re so cool and confident *and bumbling* because they’ve completely lost their grasp on reality. The sequel tells you immediately that they’re so self-absorbed that they only bother not teleporting everywhere to please a nonexistent audience.

Anyway again, the lesson of the Hocus Pocus movies is that lust for power is bad: in the first, Max tries to engage with the witches’ view of things and accepts that someone will be sacrificed for the desires of the powerful, and almost dies.

But because he isn’t selfish and chooses himself, everything gets delayed enough that it’s the witches’ downfall.

In the second, the book is cool with so much bad shit, but as soon as Winifred finds a single limit, she pursues it, without heeding the price she’ll pay. She pays it anyway, of course.

She gets lucky that she gets a happy ending, only because she’s willing to go down to her sisters’ new level, and because someone is compassionate enough to help her using the same power that she used to live forever. The compassionate helper has the book now.

Enchanted is also a very in-your-face lesson: We need to seek out joy where it actually is, not where it’s supposed to be. Everyone, perhaps, needs a dose of both reality and magic to guide us.

Giselle gets a small dose of reality. She talks over Robert’s concerns, and it works! She tries to impose her view on this world of everything always going to plan with her prince, and it goes less well.

The prince never even tries to engage with NYC and pratfalls everywhere. (Much like the witches.)

But the much bigger story is Robert’s and Nancy’s. Both feel unfulfilled and desiring a goal over reality. In sweeps Giselle.

She believes in everything being good if you just accept it as part of the grand plan. She finds beauty in rats and cockroaches, buskers, costumed dancers, shy geriatric lovers, and children’s plays. Robert starts to get a spark of joy back in his life.

However, he’s focused on his goal of proposing to Nancy, which is what he’s supposed to do, and Giselle and the prince are focused on finding each other, which is what they’re supposed to do.

For everyone, the magic of true love’s kiss is in something they wanted, not something they were told.

The evil queen isn’t the real antagonist, apathy is. Robert and Giselle don’t find magic because the queen lost, she loses because they both found magic in NYC. The evil queen is defeated for contrived reasons. She’s from fairytale land too, and in a good world she loses.

The sequel continues this theme, and still has the children’s movie simplicity of the original 2000’s movie. It tries to examine the same lesson from the other side: Now it’s Giselle’s turn to get a stronger lesson on the virtues of dropping a fairy tale view.

She tries to fix everything by moving to suburbia and it doesn’t work, she tries to fix everything by forcing magic into the world and it doesn’t work.

The lesson is again that Morgan and Giselle need to find joy in their relationship with each other. Maybe Morgan want independence and Giselle wants a fairytale ending.

The true happy ending happens when Morgan sees Giselle as her mother because of the memories they’ve shared, not because she’s compelled to love her mother.

Under fairy tale rules, Morgan and Giselle have to be hostile just because she’s her stepmother. In her role, Giselle can now only find joy in places that are toxic for her.

They both have to find love in the real relationship they have instead, and the magic of Andalasia accepts that, because under fairy tale rules, true mothers and daughters do love each other.

It’s a really cool story that asserts that found family and nontraditional families can be magical and loving, and that even fairy tale magic can accept stepmothers. It expands the way that Giselle finds magic where there shouldn’t be.

I think it could have gone further.

I think, instead of Morgan being Giselle’s “true daughter” and being able to harness the magic of Andalasia, they could have asserted that reality has its own magic.

In the real world, stepmothers don’t have to be hostile! You don’t have to be someone’s “real mom” to be the best thing for them! There’s no script, just what you have and what you make of it.

And when it does work out, it’s much more satisfying than everything magically working out because it’s supposed to.

I think Disenchanted should have had the virtues of reality be found by the magic believers of Giselle and Morgan.

Giselle becoming an evil stepmother isn’t the antagonist, even the ambitious Ms. Monroe becoming an evil queen isn’t the antagonist, sticking too hard to Andalasia’s stories is the antagonist. We want this world, where Morgan and Giselle can put in the work to love each other, despite what the story says.

Now, finally, all three members of the family have found joy by looking around them instead of listening to their presuppositions.

[ravenadottir]

I have a what if scenario that I’d like to get your thoughts on (if you’re interested—otherwise you can totally delete this ask, haha).

What if Marisol went home instead of Hannah? (For instance if MC started with Gary and Bobby decided to save Lottie’s best friend because he’s so big on friendships, even if there wasn’t a spark between him and Hannah and she’d been grafting on Gary all day… Or any number of possible setups) How do you think s2 would play out? And what would R!Marisol be like?

ooooooooh this is what i'm talking about!!! i love this role reversal type of scenario, so let's jump right into it!

if marisol left on day 3, then we would have

mc + gary, lottie + rocco, hannah + bobby, priya + ibrahim, hope + noah.

the kiss between gary and lottie would've never happened, because she wouldn't have the excuse that she was upset, but i believe lottie's feelings for him would still flourish around that time.

rocco would still try with the girls, because he felt threatened, except i think hannah wouldn't go for him, and would blow the whistle to lottie, who would absolutely lose her shit and rave about loyalty.

either bobby or rahim could be the guy for hannah, at least at that moment.

if lottie talked to hannah about gary, and the possibility of them being a couple, i reckon the redhead could give in because she sees how incompatible she and gary are, but she would still be sad and hurt lottie didn't take her feelings under consideration.

rocco wouldn't have anyone to crack on with, unless hannah became so bitter about gary and lottie that she decides to just explore that option since lottie is over him, bobby is so into mc and rahim is with priya.

no roccogate. it would take hannah and rocco maybe two chats to realize it would be a huge mistake, so hannah has to settle for lurik.

hannah chooses villa!lurik, because gary is already coupled up with mc. i think henrik could could be a good choice for hannah since there's nobody else for either of them.

casa amor would be really difficult for hannah. everyone is so far off from the prince charming she thought she would meet during her love island experience. she would have to bring someone back because it's not meant to happen between her and lurik. my bet is on arjun because he was so tender.

hannah would come out of her shell. i reckon time spent in the villa would be helpful but on day 24, when marisol returns, things would be set in motion for the bad.

hannah already feels guilty for taking someone's place in the villa and not working out for her, and now that marisol is back, with a vengeance and thirsty for gary, i think the tension between the four girls would be excruciating.

marisol would bring it and not hold back. Hair flipping, easy smiles, charmingly talking to gary, openly flirting, touching him all over, finding excuses to chat with him alone, things to provoke mc, and to make lottie go out of her mind, besides showing hannah how it's done.

there's something about returning!marisol that speaks to me on a primal level! she wouldn't hold back for nobody but you know what i think? it would be the perfect slowburn!route for her and mc.

coming back, thinking all she's doing is to get gary and realizing she has a huge crush on mc would be so superior! and having to deal with the fact that gary and elisa are into mc as well? are you kidding me? that would be so messy but i would love it more than returning!hannah.

there would be a true opportunity of having something with marisol that would make sense! she realizes it at the end of the welcome back party but only says something to mc before bed, possibly being extremely flirty and telling her how she missed her and how painful it was to watch her get with other people, similar to what returning!lurik says during the date, but this time in the villa.

i think the way she comes back, full on drama mode, only to realize she doesn't really care about hannah staying, or lottie being into gary, but how much she wanted to stay because of mc is my favorite part of this whole ordeal, and the only thing that would make sense for her, because there isn't anyone else in the villa for marisol besides mc.

[fairycosmos]

you and the anon put a big reason i don’t want to have kids into words. i truly don’t think i’d ever be prepared to give up my time, comfort, and energy all for someone else. “oh but once you meet your baby you’ll feel different” will i though? waking up and getting out of bed is a whole ordeal of it’s own, add the exhaustion of being a parent on top of that…. it just seems like a recipe for neglect and i would never want to cause harm (even if unintentional) to a child. that said, i also worry i’ll never find a lifelong partner because it seems like most people want to have kids because it’s their dream or an indicator of a successful life and it’s just not something i want.

soooo true. i couldn't cope with my peace, time, energy and money all operating under such severe limitations due to parenthood. it just seems like such a gamble to have kids on the vague notion that ur love for them will render you capable of being a a wonderful mother, while actively ignoring your own needs in order to meet theirs, as if we're not humans who snap and break down and lose it constantly. like u said it's a setup for neglect/a bad relationship with your kid, even if you don't intend for that to be the case. i think about that a lot too, how hard life feels already. and i would never want to have a child that i know i'm not in the right place, mentally and literally, to support and raise well. i reckon it's a good thing to have that self awareness and it seems like more and more ppl are coming to the same realization BUT i also hear you about the whole never-finding-someone part. especially as a woman, everyone truly expects you to change your mind or to center your life around children sooner or later. it's worrying to think that not having kids may mean having to accept being totally alone, with no family and no partner. ofc i would rather be alone than have kids for the sake of not being lonely/for the sake of someone else - but it just sucks. it's a weird feeling. i'm kind of hoping our generation shifts the norm a little as we age and that there'll be more of us who can admit we don't have it in us to raise a family

[sweatersexual]

Now I Want to Hold You Too

Read on AO3

The party welcoming both sets of Pines twins back for the summer had never really ended. Mabel’s friends had slept over that night, and Soos was still playing party music even into the afternoon. Fiddleford had come over for lunch and now he and Ford were discussing new projects, blueprints scattered all over the dining room table.

Becoming a man of means had suited Fiddleford. He now spoke with the confidence Ford remembered from the old days. He stood up straighter, and the healthy weight he’d gained filled his endearingly garish patterned shirt in all the right ways. Yes, Ford was happy he was doing so well, and that their friendship had been rekindled.

But Ford had to admit, feelings of friendship weren’t all that had been rekindled in him, especially when their hands lingered around each other, tracing the blueprints, or when Fiddleford gave him that familiar lopsided grin, or hearing him hum quietly the way he always did while thinking hard. Still, Ford worried it was too soon, or perhaps inappropriate altogether, to make any romantic overtures to Fiddleford. He didn’t even know exactly how much Fiddleford remembered of their romantic history. No, it was better to take their relationship as it currently was, because the fact that Fiddleford was even talking to him again put a spring in Ford’s step.

He and Fiddleford had finished making revisions to one of the cooling systems when a short cough caught their attention. It was only then that they noticed Ford’s thirteen-year-old grandniece standing next to them, her two best friends not far behind her.

“Are you two having fun?” Mabel was grinning widely enough to make Ford a bit wary. Had she planted a glitter bomb again?

“Yes, of course,” he answered. “Fiddleford’s been showing me -”

“Yeah, we know,” called Stan from the kitchen. “You two have been at it for hours. I’m gonna need you to clear the table before dinner’s ready, okay?”

“Sure thing, Stanley,” replied Fiddleford. “We were at a pretty good stopping place, weren’t we, Ford?”

“You two should join our braid train!” said Mabel.

“I appreciate the offer, Mabel,” said Ford, “but I don’t think either of us have hair long enough to braid.”

“Mr. McGucket’s beard is long enough,” Grenda pointed out.

“I bet an extra finger really comes in handy for holding multiple sections of hair,” said Candy.

“It’s definitely been useful for tying complicated knots,” Ford agreed, “but I’m afraid I’ve never tried braiding hair before.”

Mabel gasped. “Really? Okay, now we have to teach you. Are you ready for a new look, Mr. McGucket?”

Fiddleford shrugged. “I guess it can’t hurt none.”

Once the dining table was clear of blueprints and they took their seats in the living room, Ford noticed his heart rate pick up a little. Braiding Fiddleford’s beard was going to include touching his face, and the last time they had been in each other’s personal space like this was many, many years ago, in a . . . different context.

“Let’s start with a simple braid,” said Mabel, running her fingers through Grenda’s hair. “Divide the hair into three even sections, like this.”

Ford let out a deep breath and ran his hands along Fiddleford’s jawline, blushing at the memory of using the same movement to pull him in for a kiss, once upon a time. He was close enough to notice Fiddleford’s cheeks also reddening beneath his facial hair.

“Is this okay?” he asked Fiddleford, just to be sure.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Go on and do as she tells you.”

He could feel Fiddleford’s facial muscles moving beneath his hands - but he had to focus! Three sections of hair. He could do that.

Fiddleford’s beard was shorter and much better groomed than it had been last summer. The weird little bandage was gone. Ford hadn’t expected to enjoy the sensation of soft hair through his fingers so much. With Mabel’s simple instructions, the strands were soon woven together into a thick braid.

“That looks great!” she praised him. “You’re picking this up fast! You want to try a French braid?”

“O-okay.”

Candy turned out to be right about his extra fingers coming in handy, though it still took him a few tries to get the hang of it.

“Nice! Keep going, Grunkle Ford! Careful not to drop that strand.”

“Oh. My. Gosh,” said Candy, pulling out her cell phone. “That boy I told you about from regionals just texted me! Do you think I should send him a selfie?”

“Ooh!” squealed Mabel. “We should take your picture outside while the lighting is good.”

Before Ford could say anything, the three girls ran out the door with nothing more than a “keep practicing, Grunkle Ford!” from Mabel. Their giggles slowly faded away.

“She’s a regular ray of sunshine, ain’t she?” said Fiddleford.

“Yes,” agreed Ford. “I’m very lucky to have her and her brother in my life.”

“Me too. You know they helped me start getting my memories back.”

“Yet another thing I’m grateful to them for.” He came to the end of Fiddleford’s beard with a hum.

“I reckon that looks pretty snazzy,” said Fiddleford, checking his reflection in the window, but Ford shook his head.

“Hang on, let me try that again, it got really messy near the end.” He reached for the beard again, more out of a desire not to end this intimate moment with Fiddleford than out of dedication to immaculate braiding.

Fiddleford grinned, a knowing glint in his eye. “Always the perfectionist.”

“Pot. Kettle.”

“Guilty as charged!” With a laugh Fiddleford added, “Do you remember that stupid fight we had about coffee filters? We was yelling at each other right in this here room, weren’t we?”

Ford’s breath caught. Of course he remembered. He also remembered that fight had ended with a makeout session on the couch.

Did Fiddleford?

“Yes, it was in here,” he answered. “But . . . is the yelling all you remember?”

“No.”

He said it quietly, but with an intensity that brought Ford to a rigid attention. The tender look in his eye loosened Ford’s tongue, and before he knew it he blurted out, “I’m still in love with you.”

Fiddleford brought a trembling hand to Ford’s face. “Ford . . .”

Leaning into the touch, his hands moving from Fiddleford’s beard and onto his shoulders, Ford continued, “I know that after everything that happened between us, it’s more than I could ever ask for simply to be your friend again. And if you want to keep it that way, I’ll still consider myself incredibly fortunate. But if you still feel anything romantic towards me -”

Fiddleford cut him off with a kiss, soft and tender, leaving Ford tingling as he pulled away. “Yes,” he said breathlessly. “Yes, consarn it, Stanford, I couldn’t stop loving you if I tried. Which I did try. Multiple times. I don’t want to try again.”

“Me neither,” said Ford, and pulled him into another kiss, more intense than the first. Ford’s hands fell around Fiddleford’s waist and pulled him closer. When their mouths broke apart, their foreheads rested together, drinking in the closeness that had so long been denied them.

“The beard’s different,” murmured Ford. “But I like it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Fidds chuckled, rubbing his beard on Ford’s face and peppering him with kisses. Ford was laughing when their lips met again.

“Oh, great,” said Stan, jolting them apart. “Now I owe Mabel fifteen bucks.”

“Stanley!” Ford cried. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Literally two seconds, sheesh,” said Stan, leaning against the doorway. “I just wanted to tell you dinner was ready, not watch you make out like a creep.”

“And since when do you gamble with the kids?”

“Since when do I not gamble with anyone? I really shouldn’t have bet against Mabel’s matchmaking skills, though. I just thought you two were so repressed, you wouldn’t know a gay urge if it bit you in the rear.”

Ford rolled his eyes. “Just because I like to keep things private doesn’t mean I’m repressed, Stanley. I accepted the fact that I’m gay back in college, when we first got together.”

“Really? So Mabel didn’t start your relationship, she just got you back together. I think I can make this work for me.”

“You give that girl her fifteen dollars, Stanley,” Fiddleford insisted. “I never would’ve guessed that braid train business was a setup. That girl is good.”

When she came in for dinner and found Fiddleford and Stanford holding hands, Mabel squealed and accepted her winnings with relish. Though Dipper was less exuberant, he did say that their getting together was “neat, real neat. You guys are, like, the ultimate science power couple.” Even Stan admitted that despite all the teasing, he was happy for them.

“It gives me a lot of hope for the future,” said Ford as he walked Fiddleford home that evening, “having that kind of support from family.”

“Don’t it?” Fiddleford concurred. “Those kids ain’t growing up with the same limits on self expression, or love, that we did. What a blessing that is.”

“For so long, I felt like I didn’t have a future,” said Ford. “Everything was about stopping Bill. But now, the possibilities are endless. This is the freest I’ve ever felt. I’m so glad I get to share that with you.”

“I feel exactly the same way.”

Ford kissed Fiddleford then, right there in the street, not caring at all if anyone saw.

[waveridden]

JAMIE have you ever considered a modern AU for blaseball because I would love to hear your thoughts on one

cola... have i told you lately that i love you

i know i’ve talked a little about various modern aus however tonight i am thinking about the marijuana family so i present to you:

HIGH ON LIFE: a marijuana family sitcom (name subject to change) (many thanks to @leonstamatis because some of this comes from conversations with them. mostly the jokes.)

here is the setup for this mini universe that lives in my head

dom (23) is the pseudo parent to randy (19) and lenny (14 but she’s almost 15 guys she’s basically an adult) and the three of them have lived in new york city their entire lives but dom gets a job offer that’s too good to pass up... in denver*. so the entire family has to pack up and move to denver.

( * i would do somewhere in utah, bc hellmouth, but i have to be honest. i’ve known several people from utah and all of them have been just like... horrible to be around. so this is a personal bias thing. colorado’s better anyways.)

so our family is in denver now! denver is a major city ofc but it’s still a MAJOR change from new york so that is our inciting sitcom incident. Uh Oh What Kind Of Wackiness Will Our Protagonists Get Up To!

dom works at a warehouse, he’s a shift lead or something like that, and it’s his first ever full time job (as opposed to stringing together three part-time jobs). it’s supposed to be a great job and he fucking hates it but the pay is better than anything in new york and it’s better for the family if he’s here so, well, he’s here

andrew solis is a local union rep who dom gets in touch with because his job sucks and they have a lot of clandestine meetings about union stuff that turn into non clandestine meetings because they enjoy spending time together that turn into a nice normal committed relationship

andrew gets along really well with randy. he’s a nice kid, if a little much sometimes. it’s fine.

andrew is terrified of lenny

you know that john mulaney bit about how a group of thirteen year olds can sense your insecurities? lenny is an entire group of thirteen year olds on her own. she is mean and powerful and andrew is afraid of that.

obviously a lot of dom’s friends (ie the mills) are back in new york but he calls them CONSTANTLY. like, once a day. they are very loud and they love him and they miss him and are so proud of him for helping his job unionize and shit like that. they can’t visit in person often but every now and again they do.

randy gets a job at a local theatre company, which is the last thing he expected to be doing but it’s kind of... awesome? everyone here is super chill and funny and loud and he gets along with them great.

this is the jazz hands. i know they’re in breckenridge. this is my au. they’re in denver today.

his immediate best friend is layna, who does bit parts in musicals and more importantly writes a lot of weird experimental short plays that the theatre produces. she’s a couple years older than him and is far too cool and pretty for him. she tells him this every day and he agrees. she works at a zoo/botanical garden and lenny is constantly hounding her for free zoo passes and stuff (layna agrees because she adores lenny and also it’s an excuse for randy to visit her)

is the botanical garden an excuse to have the flowers players here? yes. geography is less powerful than I Want Everyone In The Same Place

randy’s OTHER best friends are nagomi (community college student/works in the aquarium part of the zoo) and emmett (computer science student at a four-year). most of the time the three of them just chill out and get high and do dumb 19-year-old shit together they’re just three chill friends

do not leave nagomi and lenny in a room together. don’t do it.

lenny isn’t allowed in costco anymore. this is nagomi’s fault

one time randy leaves both emmett and nagomi to watch lenny because surely emmett will prevent any shenanigans. when he comes back nagomi and lenny have stolen three street signs. emmett allowed this to happen because lenny and nagomi specificall stole a sign that said “emmett drive” and they can’t drive and they think it’s funny. so emmett is ALSO not allowed to watch lenny/nagomi

(emmett’s fine watching lenny on their own, it’s just that nagomi “fuck around and find out” nava is too powerful to be overridden)

occasionally nagomi’s twin sibling margarito also hangs out with her randy and emmett. when margo/randy are together they’re A Force To Be Reckoned With. they’re chaotic and easy to manipulate so nagomi can convince them to do some wild shit together. it rules.

lenny loves margo. xe’s never allowed to know this. but she adores xem.

meanwhile lenny is experiencing the worst thing that a teenager can experience: moving during high school. she is doing her absolute goddamn best to fit into the social scene here but it’s so different from new york and she doesn’t know how to handle it

her first friend is kiki familia because i just think fourteen year old girls should stick together and because i think lenny is not above very loudly very rudely making sure that kiki gets all the accommodations she needs

andrew visits one day and lenny is practicing asl in front of a mirror and he’s like oh do you want a conversation partner? because he knows enough to hold a conversation. this is how lenny and andrew form an actual relationship

(andrew is also fluent in spanish and he helps her with spanish homework but she resents this because she thinks it’s nerdy. at least with asl it’s for a good reason.)

and then a couple months later another new student shows up and she is having the opposite experience from lenny because she lived in wyoming for a really long time which is... not a big city... and denver is comparatively HUGE and she’s just really overwhelmed? and lenny is like. oh i can show you around! for sure! definitely! new students have to stick together!

kiki, suspiciously: you’re not new anymore

lenny, very non-subtly: kiki shut the fuck up

this new student is chorby and she gets along great with both kiki (i’m not sure what the analog for magical girl is in a modern au but like it’s something and they bond over it) and lenny, who immediately has a massive big huge crush on her

kiki knows this. kiki mocks this relentlessly.

lenny makes it super super clear that kiki is never going to be the third wheel and kiki’s like yes i am and that’s fine

dom and randy both absolutely adore chorby. she’s so polite. lenny knows that chorby can curse like a sailor and has very specific opinions about screamo bands but when she meets lenny’s brothers she is a saint and lenny is like... swooning over it

and like lenny/chorby are teenagers which means sometimes they get into fights over dumb things and sometimes they get into fights over serious things but they always work it out in the end

there’s definitely a whole Thing because chorby goes to the sadie hawkins dance with juice collins and lenny is like. what the fuck.

is juice a teen? she is in the jamie cassidy extended blaseball teen universe. at least for today

anyways you might notice that there is not a lot of plot here. that’s because this is a sitcom and it is really just a very long setup for me to think about various ideas happening in (i.e. lenny trying to intimidate andrew for absolutely no reason, randy/nagomi/emmett shenanigans) it’s genuinely just like. a fun little world for me to play in when i need it.

the MOST IMPORTANT PART of this au is the family tho. cannot stress this enough, dom and randy and lenny all have family time constantly. they love each other so much. and that family expands to include andrew, and chorby, and emmett and nagomi and kiki and layna, but at its heart This Is A Sibling Story and i love them. the end

[televisionrulesthenation]

S1E8 - “To Tell or Not to Tell”

Original air date: November 14, 1961

Episode recap

The Petries are hosting a dinner party. Buddy and Sally do a sing-songy comedy routine while Rob plays the piano. Rob gets up and does a physical comedy routine. Laura gets up and does (what I assume is) some sort of ‘60s-style dancing. Cut to the end of the party, all the guests leave, Rob is tired, Laura goes on and on about what I wonderful time she had dancing.

Next day at the office Rob talks about how much fun Laura had dancing for the dinner party audience. Buddy is worried. Apparently non-homemaking interests from the wife should be worrying to the husband. Mel comes in and asks Rob if Laura can fill in as a dancer on the show this week. Buddy gets more worried. He thinks being married to a career woman is bad. Rob calls Laura to see if she’s interested assuming she won’t be. She’s interested.

Back at home Rob and Richtie are having dinner together because Laura is still rehearsing at the show. He fails at making a TV dinner. They eat bananas instead. Later that night Laura comes home tired. Rob has questions about how to operate the washing machine. Roles have become reversed. Rob is not happy but keeps it to himself.

Next day at the office the snappy service guy is dropping off lunch for Rob, Buddy and Sally. Laura comes in on a break looking hot in her leotard. The lunch delivery guy gawks over her.

After Laura’s successful week as a fill-in, Mel tells Rob he wants to offer her a permanent contract as a dancer on the show. Rob is worried but delivers the news to Laura at home that night. Laura is happy. She had a fun week proving to herself she could do it. But her body can’t keep up. She wants to be a homemaker not a career woman. Rob is relieved.

Everything is about me

Ostensibly, we can make it on my salary alone. But then she went back to work part-time, and the budget balanced a little more easily. We were able to move into this bigger house. There was a little money for some fun.

But she wasn’t happy working, and we figured she didn’t need to work, so she quit.

And the budget got tighter. We can make it. But there’s not a lot of room for fun. Or all those finishing aesthetic touches on our new house.

Her going back to work part-time bought me some peace if I’m being honest.

In the back of my mind I figured as the kids got older, she’d be able to work more, and that be our money boost. I didn’t need to obsess over getting promoted to make an income leap. That leap would be solved for organically by her eventually working full time.

And I still sort of feel that way. But her quitting is a temporary blip. Like I said, she wasn’t happy. She was feeling stressed and not operating in a position of strength to be the best mom she could be. She wants to focus on her health and happiness and kids’ health and happiness.

She wanted to figure out what the heck she wants to do with the rest of her life. She wants to take an art class and find the right exercise program and start a garden and do whatever else projects.

Problem is all that figuring out costs money and there isn’t a whole lot of it to spare in the current tight budget. And my attitude is probably putting pressure on her that some sort of clock is counting down until she figures something out and gets back to work. I keep saying “this year” or “these two years” like there’s a cliff at the end.

And she really doesn’t love doing some of the things she would need to do to truly make this work. We backed off some expenses, like housecleaner and dog groomer only once per month. But haven’t gone truly all in.

To truly make this work, we would need no housecleaning, no dog grooming, no pool cleaner, no yard guy. Her do all that stuff, work it into a schedule. Do whatever the 2021 version of clip coupons is, and really lock down our grocery budget. Essentially do all the homemaking things.

Our kids’ soccer training schedules are brutal Monday through Thursday evening and we still haven’t figured out how to do dinner those nights in a healthy and cost effective way with our sanity in check. That would take effort that she doesn’t want to put forth.

So it’s been four months, and she is not any closer to figuring out what she wants to do, she is not any healthier or happier. The trade-off was supposed to be less money for more time and happiness. But I’m not sure we are getting what we paid for with the forgone part-time dollars she was bringing in.

I am not sure where that leaves her or us.

Episode observations

Life before cell phones

No major changes to the plot except I reckon many of these Rob/Laura conversations--both the routine and the difficult--happen via text not phone.

Clothes and fashion

Rob’s cardigan and polo shirt and slacks house wear, he looked like Mr. Rogers.

Richtie’s robe and button up pajamas, he looked like Hugh Hefner. 

Laura’s leotard, she looked hot.

Vocabulary lesson

Someone, I think it may have been buddy, said something along the lines of, “give him a rap, right in the mouth.” I assume raps means punch/hit/strike. I feel like I’ve heard this usage before but can’t think of where.

OK, wow, just Googled it, and this usage is the first definition in both noun and verb form, while rap as in the music is the second definition.

Best joke/funniest moment

Clearly, the funniest moment of the show was Buddy’s. He was funny throughout. But one moment in particular stood out. He’s talking to Rob about how to get Laura give up on a career in dance and says to take her on a skiing trip. Rob replies that Laura can’t ski, she’ll break her leg. Buddy gets this evil look in his eyes and says, “yeah” with a dramatic pause. The “yeah” was good enough, but he tags on, “you catch on fast.” They call back to this at the end of the episode when Laura mentions maybe she could dance on the show one week per year then Rob asks if she’d like to go skiing.

But I have to give honorable mention to a not as funny but just so well written joke. Rob is about to call Laura about her career prospects. Buddy says, don’t do anything rash. Sally says, leave him alone, it’s his rash.

(Dishonorable mention to Sally’s jokes about needing a husband. They are getting old and I would like them to stop.)

Assorted thoughts on life in the 1960s

Laura’s dancing at the beginning of the episode was odd looking to me. I guess it’s just dated. I kept waiting for it to be a comedy setup. That she’d get injured or something. Not that it’d be interpreted as good.

People watched sing-songy variety shows on TV backed then apparently. Up until this episode--or maybe the previous episode--I hadn’t put much thought into what the fictional Alan Brady Show was supposed to be. But I guess it’s a sing-songy variety show. And I guess people liked that sort of thing. I haven’t done a “checking in with my mom” section on this blog recently and probably should have on this topic. Maybe in upcoming posts I will get her take on ‘60s variety shows

The 1960s attitude on traditional gender roles were on heavy display. Buddy was laying it on thick about disdain for working women, e.g. “losing a wife, gaining a roommate.” (Buddy has plenty more borderline sexist analogies about working women sprinkled throughout.) Mel checks with Rob first about career decisions concerning Laura. Rob can’t cook, even a frozen dinner. Eventually Laura conforms to this too, admitting she’d wants Rob to take her away from all this, doesn’t want to be a dancer, she wants to be a wife.

Final thoughts

Sometimes I question if were are splitting the baby to some extent when it comes to working. At least at this point now that our youngest is less than a couple years to middle school. That is should we go full traditional model or full dual income model not this mixed economy model we’ve got going on? And sometimes I think maybe we’re doing exactly the work-life integration model that 2021 calls for.

[arcticdementor]

“Hey bro! Check out this Nike ad!” This was my entry point into a new world.

…

Since Carlos had lived mostly outside the United States, he was able to follow soccer on a level I’d never encountered in my hometown. Back then, before social media and the advent of scarf-wearing Northwestern fútbol hipsters, big-time European soccer was like the metric system: Known to almost all but ourselves. But Carlos knew, and immediately used LimeWire to curate me a massive archive of 1990s through early 2000s soccer highlights. What was I doing in the world without them?

Oddly enough, in trying to inculcate me in soccer fandom, he started not with game highlights, but with the advertisements. Yes, Carlos was an educator and a voluntary footsoldier for Big Apparel. Going in, I had no clue about high-quality, internationally popular Nike soccer ads. The ads, written by the legendary Wieden+Kennedy firm, were miniature movies, films that were often creatively daring but also quite funny. The most popular of these ads might be “Good vs. Evil,” from 1996, where Nike’s best soccer players team up to play Satan’s literal army. The blending of sacrilege, theology and comedy just worked, like a more ambitious version of Space Jam that somehow took itself less seriously than Space Jam.

…

Yes, I know ads aren’t supposed to be high art. I understand that they are the purest distillation of manipulative greed. And yet, they sometimes are culturally relevant generational touchstones. While Nike was weaving soccer into enduring pop culture abroad, it was having a similar kind of success with basketball and baseball stateside. These ads weren’t just pure ephemera. Michael Jordan’s commercials were so good that, as he nears age 60, his sneaker still outsells any modern athlete’s. “Chicks dig the long ball” is a phrase (a) that can get you sent to the modern HR department and b) whose origins are fondly remembered by most American men over the age of 35.

Modern Nike ads will never be so remembered. It’s not because we’re so inundated with information these days, though we are. And it’s not because today’s overexposed athletes lack the mystique of the 1990s superstars, though they do. It’s because the modern Nike ads are beyond fucking terrible.

…

They’re bad for many causes, but one in particular is an incongruity at the company’s heart. Nike, like so many major institutions, is suffering from what I’ll call Existence Dissonance. It’s happening in a particular way, for a particular reason and the result is that what Nike is happens to be at cross-purposes from what Nike aspires to be.

…

For all the talk of a racial reckoning within major industries, Nike’s main problem is this: It’s a company built on masculinity, most specifically Michael Jordan’s alpha dog brand of it. Now, due to its own ambitions, scandals, and intellectual trends, Nike finds masculinity problematic enough to loudly reject.

This rejection is part of the broader culture war, but it’s accelerating due to an arcane quirk in the apparel giant’s strange restructuring plan, announced in June. Under the leadership of new CEO John Donahoe, Nike is moving away from its classic discrete sports categories (Nike Basketball, Nike Soccer, etc.) in favor of a system where all products are shoveled into one of three divisions: men’s, women’s and kids’. Obviously Nike made clothing tailored to the specificities of all these groups before, but now, Nike is emphasizing gender over sport. Gone is the model of the product appealing to basketball fans because they are basketball fans. It’s now replaced by a model of, say, the product appealing to women because they are women.

And hey, women buy sneakers too. Actually, women buy the lion’s share of clothing in the United States. While women shoppers are market dominant in nearly every aspect of American apparel, the clothing multinational named after a Greek goddess happens to be a major exception. At Nike, according to its own records, men account for roughly twice as much revenue as women do.

You might see that stat and think, “Well, this means that Nike will prioritize men over women in its new, odd, gendered segmentation of the company.” That’s not necessarily how this all works, thanks to a phenomenon I’ll call Undecided Whale. The idea is that a company, as its aims grow more expansive, starts catering less to the locked-in core customer and more to a potential whale which demonstrates some interest. Sure, you can just keep doing what’s made you rich, but how can you even focus on your primary business with that whale out there, swimming so tantalizingly close? The whale, should you bring it in, has the potential to enrich you far more than your core customers ever did. And yeah yeah yeah, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but those were birds. This is a damned whale! And so you start forgetting about your base.

You can see this dynamic in other places. For the NBA, China is its Undecided Whale. It could be argued that the NBA fixates more on China than on America, even if the vast majority of TV money comes from U.S. viewership. The league figures it has more or less hit its ceiling in its home country, so China becomes an obsession as this massive, theoretical growth engine.

…

Here’s the main issue for Nike in this endeavor: The company, as a raison d’être, promotes athletic excellence. While women are among Nike’s major sports stars, the core of high-level performance, in the overwhelming majority of sports, is male. Every sane person knows that, though nobody in professional class life seems rude enough to say so. Obviously, there’s the observable reality of who tends to set records and there’s also the pervasive understanding that testosterone, the main male sex hormone, happens to give unfair advantages to the athletes who inject it.

Speaking of which, there’s a famous This American Life episode from 2002 where the public radio journos actually test their own testosterone levels. The big joke of the episode is just how comically low their T levels are. Sure, you would stereotype bookish public radio men in this way, and yet the results are on the nose enough to shock.

As a nerdy media-weakling type, I can relate to the stunning realization that you’ve been largely living apart from T. Before working in the NBA setting, I was an intern in the cubicles of Salon.com’s San Francisco office, around the time it was shifting from respectable online magazine into inane outrage content mill. Going from that setting to the NBA locker room was some jarring whiplash, like leaving the faculty lounge for a pirate ship. To quote Charles Barkley on the latter culture, “The locker room is sexist, racist, and homophobic … and it’s fun and I miss it.”

…

The “Good vs. Evil” ad boasts a “Like” to “Dislike” ratio of 20-to-1 on YouTube. On June 17th of 2021, Nike put out an ad ahead of the Euro Cup that referenced “Good vs. Evil” as briefly as it could. In this case, a little child popped his collar and used Cantona’s catchphrase. As of this writing, the new ad has earned a thousand more punches of the Dislike than of the Like button.

When you see it, it’s no surprise that the latest Euro Cup ad is disliked. I mean, you have to look at this shit. I know we’re so numb to the ever-escalating emanations of radical chic from our largest corporations, but sometimes it’s worth pausing just to take stock and gawk.

…

But today we are in the land of new football, where we take dictatorial direction from less-than-athletic minors. After her announcement, we are treated to a montage of different people who offer tolerance bromides.

“There are no borders here!”

“Here, you can be whoever you want. Be with whoever you want.”

(Two men kiss following that line, because subtlety isn’t part of this new world order.)

Then, a woman who appears to be breastfeeding under a soccer shirt, threatens, in French, “And if you disagree …”

And this is when the little boy gives us Cantona’s “au revoir” line before kicking a ball out of a soccer stadium, presumably because that’s what happens to the ignorant soccer hooligan. He gets kicked out for raging against gay men kissing or French ladies breastfeeding or somesuch. Later, a referee wearing a hijab instructs us, “Leave the hate,” before narrator girl explains, “You might as well join us because no one can stop us.”

Is that last line supposed to be … inspiring? That’s what a movie villain says, like if Bane took the form of Stan Marsh’s sister. Speaking of which, was this ad actually written by the creators of South Park as an elaborate prank? It’s certainly more convincing as an aggressive parody of liberals than as a sales pitch. Why, in anything other than a comedic setup, is a woman breastfeeding in a big-budget Euro Cup ad?

It’s tempting to fall into the pro-vanguardism template the boomers have handed down to us and sheepishly say, “I must be getting old, because this seems weird to me,” but let’s get real. You dislike this ad because it sucks. You are having a natural, human response to shitty art. This a hollow sermon from a priest whose sins were in the papers. Nobody is impressed by what Nike’s doing here. Nobody thinks Nike, a multinational famous for its sweatshops, is ushering us into an enlightened utopia. Sure, most media types are afraid to criticize the ad publicly. You might inspire suspicion that what you’re secretly against is men kissing and women breastfeeding, but nobody actually likes the stupid ad. No college kid would show it to a new friend he’s trying to impress, and it’s hard to envision a massive cohort of Gen Z women giving a shit about this ad either.

Now juxtapose that ad not just against the classics of the 1990s but also the 2000s products that preceded the Great Awokening. Compare it to another Nike Euro Cup advertisement, Guy Ritchie’s “Take It to the Next Level.”

…

Here’s the problem, insofar as problems are pretended into existence by our media class: The ad is very, very male. Really, what we are watching here is a boyhood fantasy. Our protagonist gets called up to the big show, and next thing you know he’s cavorting with multiple ladies, and autographing titties to the chagrin of his date. He can be seen buying a luxury sports car and arriving at his childhood home in it as his father beams with pride. Training sessions show him either puking from exhaustion or playing grab-ass with his fellow soccer bros. This is jock life, distilled. Art works when it’s true and it’s true that this is a vivid depiction of a common fantasy realized.

Nike’s highly successful “Write the Future” ad (16,000 Likes, 257 Dislikes) works along similar themes.

…

The recent Olympic ads were especially heavy on cringe radical chic, and might have stood out less in this respect if the athletes themselves mirrored that tone on the big stage. Not so much in these Olympics. It seems as though Nike made the commercials in preparation for an explosion of telegenic activism, only to see American athletes mostly, quietly accept their medals, chomp down on the gold, and praise God or country. Perhaps you could consider Simone Biles bowing out of events due to mental health as a form of activism, but overall, the athletes basically behaved in the manner they would have back in 1996.

But Nike forged onwards anyway. This ad in celebration of the U.S. women’s basketball team made some waves, getting ripped in conservative media as the latest offense by woke capital.

…

“Today I have a presentation on dynasties,” a pink-haired teenage girl tells us. “But I refuse to talk about the ancient history and drama. That’s just the patriarchy. Instead, I’m going to talk about a dynasty that I actually look up to. An all-women dynasty. Women of color. Gay women. Women who fight for social justice. Women with a jump shot. A dynasty that makes your favorite men’s basketball, football, and baseball teams look like amateurs.”

When she says, “That’s just the patriarchy,” the camera pans to a bust of (I think) Julius Caesar. At another point, the girl says, “A dynasty that makes Alexander the Great look like Alexander the Okay.” Fuck you, Classical Antiquity. Fuck you, fans of teams. You’re all just the patriarchy. Or something.

Nike could easily sell the successful American women’s basketball team without denigrating other teams, genders and ancient Mediterranean empires that have nothing to do with this. Could but won’t. The company now conveys an almost visceral need for women to triumph over men because … well, nobody really explains why, even if it has something to do with Undecided Whaling. In Nike’s tentpole Olympics ad titled “Best Day Ever,” the narrator fantasizes about the future, declaring, “The WNBA will surpass the NBA in popularity!” ​

…

There are theories on the emergence of woke capital, with many having observed that, following Occupy Wall Street, media institutions ramped up on census category grievance. The thinking goes that, in response to the threat of a real economic revolution, the power players in our society pushed identity politics to undermine group solidarity. Well, that was a fiendishly brilliant plan, if anyone actually hatched it.

I’m not so convinced, though, as I’m more inclined to believe that a lot of history happens by happenstance. If we’re to specifically analyze the Nike Awokening, there is a recent top-down element of a mandate for Undecided Whaling, but that mandate was preceded by a socially conscious middle class campaign within the company.

This isn’t unique to Nike, either. Given my past life covering the team that tech moguls root for, I’ve run into such people. They aren’t, by and large, ideological. Very few are messianically devoted to seeing the world through the intersectionality lens. They are, however, terrified of their employees who feel this way. The mid-tier labor force, this cohort who actually internalized their university teachings, are full of fervor and willing to risk burned bridges in favor of causes they deem righteous. The big bosses just don’t want a headline-making walkout on their hands, so they placate and mollify, eventually bending the company’s voice into language of righteousness.

…

All the guilt and atonement transference make for bad art. And so the ads suck. There’s no Machiavellian conspiracy behind the production. It’s just a combination of desperately wanting female market share and desperately wanting to move on from the publicized sins of a masculine past. So, to message its ambitions, the exhausted corporation leans on the employees with the loudest answers.

There’s a lot of interplay between Nike and Wieden+Kennedy when the former asks the latter for a type of ad, but the through line from both sides is a lot of cooks in the kitchen. Based on conversations with people who’ve worked in both environments, there’s a dearth of personnel who are deeply connected to sports. In place of a grounding in a subculture, you’re getting ideas from folks who went to nice colleges and trendy ad schools, the type of people who throw words like “patriarchy” at the screen to celebrate a gold medal victory. The older leaders, uneasy in their station and thus obsessed with looking cutting edge, lean on the younger types because the youth are confident. Unfortunately, that confidence is rooted in an ability to regurgitate liturgy, rather than generative genius. They’ve a mandate to replace a marred past, which they leap at, but they’re incapable of inventing a better future.

…

Ironically, Nike mattered a lot more in the days when its position was less dominant. Back when it had to really fight for market share, it made bold, genre-altering art. The ads were synonymous with masculine victory, plus they were cheekily irreverent. And so the dudes loved them. Today, Nike is something else. It LARPs as a grandiose feminist nonprofit as it floats aimlessly on the vessel Michael Jordan built long ago. Like Jordan himself, Nike is rich forever off what it can replicate never. Unlike Jordan, it now wishes to be known for anything but its triumphs. Nike once told a story and that story resonated with its audience. Now it’s decided that its audience is the problem. It wouldn’t shock you to learn that Carlos hated the new Nike ads I texted to him. His exact words were, “I don’t want fucking activism from a sweatshop monopoly.” He’ll still buy the gear, though, just not the narrative. Nike remains, but the story about itself has run out. Au revoir.