#I just need to get this one out of my system lol

[fairycosmos]

random thought but it really bothers me that so many people's go to when you're feeling sad is "you have so many people who love and care about you" like especially when they don't know you. no i don't. that's a big reason why i feel as miserable as i do. like why not just say "i care about you"? it's almost worst that they can't just say that directly.

i get the good intentions behind this when ppl say it so i never take it like "the wrong way" but i also fully understand the discomfort felt when you don't rly have that support system nd ppl just ........Randomly assume you do lol? it feels like salt being rubbed into the wound for sure, unintentionally, but still. and i feel like so many of us are isolated and lonely these days, it's really not "out there" to assume someone who is struggling doesn't really have anyone to turn to about it. it's also just like my life means something even if i don't have people and i matter even if i don't have people so the prerequisite to feeling better shouldn't be "sooo many people love and care about you" bc even if that's not objectively true i am still a person and things could still turn around. though i get that the isolation breeds a specific type of pain that isn't often remedied by knowing you have yourself. then again i also know when ppl say that sort of thing they don't mean any of it like that, but as a chronically lonely person i understand u and i get how it hits the ear wrong. my inbox will always be open if you need to talk or vent to someone who has felt very alone probably since age 11!! sening you a massive hug. i know its hard and i know thats an understatement. one day at a time x

[amalthea-13]

Blitz Should Have Died

Introduction

Hello all, it is I, Amalthea, the Ultimate Stolas Kinnie and Stan. I want to address someone who recently commented on a post of mines. I will be piggybacking off a point my mutual @cute-little-fly made in the comments and a post they made that works in tandem with a lot of what I am going to talk about here. Give my mootie a follow, they're awesome! (Hi Fly UwU)

Heavily encourage ya'll to read up on this post. They post some great stuff. Anyway, onto my points. While I may echo some of Fly's points, I will be also imputing my own thoughts regarding Mastermind considering my unique perspective, hence the title. Hopefully, this doesn't get me into to much trouble lol.

Blitz Deserved to Die

In one of my posts I addressed the religious symbolism in Mastermind. Vivienne has been noted by Brandon in interviews as an individual who takes Biblical lore very seriously. If you want more information on this please read my Stolas, Mastermind, and Religious Symbolism + Classism Conversation essay, but in short the point of Mastermind is to show how far Stolas has come as a person.

Firstly, he takes on a punishment he didn't deserve. Blitz was guilty according to the narrative and the law. Regardless of how Andre and Stella spun it, he was in fact guilty. It was a deserved punishment according to the law of Hell.

Stolas willingly and selflessly put himself in the line of fire for something he didn't deserve. Again, from the Sins point of view, Stolas was merely coerced into this. (Not canonically), but from their point of view he was a victim.

Stolas could have stuck with that narrative and let Blitz die to protect Octavia from losing himself. He could clean his hands of Blitz and be on his merry way to find another partner or person to fuck.

Blitz's death would have been deserved afterall. It's not entirely Stolas's problem at that point. He doesn't have to do anything, nor is Blitz his priority in life.

Stolas could continue living and finally be rid of Blitz and all his emotional bullshit. Octavia would be happy and have her father!

There you go, Happily Ever After.

Toodles! Amalthea Out!

What? You genuinely think that is what I believe?

Unfortunately for you dear reader, I don't believe any of the above text I just wrote out. However, I thought it'd be interesting for you all to read how a lot of you sound when defending Octavia and saying Stolas "picked Blitz over her". You see how- sadistic that sounds? How cruel it comes off as? Sure, it's the truth, but- I mean is Blitz really that insignificant to me as a writer that I think he should be- written off and killed purely because he was guilty?

Purely for the sake of a character I relate to and understand?

Let's utilize our media literacy skills guys.

Two Things Can be True at Once

Personally, I get why a lot of people defend Via so staunchly, but good GODS it gets annoying when you all imply Blitz deserved to die purely for the sake of Octavia having Stolas in her life. I feel like many of you forget who else would suffer in the situation.

Loona.

While she is in her 20s and completely fine, Blitz is Loona's whole world even if she isn't willing to admit it. He is her ENTIRE support system and therefore, makes Blitz more important than Octavia's comfort.

I apologize if that seems- cruel to say, but in practicality, Octavia can go to the other Sins or Vassago. Literally anyone else.

Who does Loona have? Millie and Moxxie? Two individuals who are about to deal with a baby (maybe) on their hands? She's an adopted child with NO OTHER FAMILY besides Blitz. She doesn't know Barbie Wire at all. Loona has NO ONE.

I ain't saying Octavia's situation is better, but she can easily turn to other people. Paimon even if she truly needed it. Loona has no one. Blitz is literally her everything.

Stolas made a noble sacrifice to protect another girl who needed saving too. It was reckless, it was irrational, it wasn't well thought out, but he did what he had to do.

While I sympathize with Octavia's pain, trust me I know abandonment, I also empathize more with Loona. She was also put in an AWFUL situation, but no one seems to listen to or care for her in this situation.

The reality is, Stolas did what he had to do. I have mentioned before that I do not think Stolas thought he would die. While many may not agree with me, I genuinely think Stolas thought he could get away with just some jail time or even be pardoned to a different trial where he could maybe fight this.

Stolas in my opinion believed his privilege could save him from dying, and look at what happened? He LIVED because of his privilege;

Stolas: Um... *stands up* I mean...aren't you going to....you know...

[Stolas slides a finger across his throat.]

Stolas: Execute me?

Satan: Hah! Aw no, 'course not. You are a Goetia.

Stolas: But I... committed a heinous crime!

Satan: Yeah you did. But, you are demon royalty sooo... your life has actual worth.

Yes, Stolas was incredibly reckless, but he had privilege and utilized it to save a life. Isn't that noble? Isn't that worth celebrating?

The fact Stolas's plan actually worked, if my theory is correct, is beyond astonishing. In one of my reblogs titled Discussing Mastermind and Why I Think Stolas didn't believe He would Die, I discuss the emotional implications further, but I do believe Stolas was banking on his privilege to save him. Maybe he'd be put in jail or whatever, but at least he thought he'd be able to keep Via. He knew he was throwing his life away, but Blitz deserved to be saved too.

I do believe Stolas cares about Via, but he also loves and cares about Blitz. Those two things can coexist, and are why I think he ultimately made the decision he did. In my opinion it wasn't a question of "Octavia or Blitz?" but the question of "His life or your own?" That was the internal dilemma on the table, and without thinking Stolas saved Blitz, but in a situation between his status or his daughter? You all would be rooting for him to pick Octavia. It wasn't about Via, but if Stolas would willingly sacrifice his comfort for people he loves.

Stolas is an abuse victim and sacrificed his physical and emotional well being for Octavia. He does love and care for her.

To anyone who- insists on saying Stolas still doesn't care about Octavia, when he lost his powers and status, what was the first thing he said;

Stolas: [weakly] But, what about my daughter?

After his punishment, Stolas wasn't concerned about Blitz or himself, but worried about Octavia herself. That girl was the only thing on his mind after saving Blitz.

Both of these characters are deeply loved by him, and he has sacrificed everything he has for them. Both physical and emotional. Stolas has sacrificed his blood, sweat, tears, and bones to both Blitz and Octavia and I wish people respected that more.

Blitz Didn't Deserve to Die

As much shit as I give Blitz, despite being known well for being his biggest critic, I did not want him to die. Even if it meant Octavia being comforted by her father's presence.

I wanted nothing more than for them BOTH to walk away unscathed, but a crime was committed and someone had to pay.

And I would hate for Loona to also lose her father- Stolas made a noble sacrifice for not just Blitz, but also for Loona and that should be noted and understood.

Many of you will continue to die on the hill of "he chose Blitz over Via!" and act as if he doesn't love her, but Stolas sacrifices for people everyday.

He gives up parts of himself he shouldn't have to just so people are happy. He sacrifices anything he wants to provide for people's needs. Whether it be physical, mental, or emotional, Stolas consistently throws himself in harms way to help those he loves.

I will continue to emphasize it over and over for you all as an audience, but everything he does, he doesn't have to do.

Even for Stella, he tries to remain loyal and even keep things comfortable despite his own suffering and internal turmoil.

Stolas didn't want Blitz to die, and therefore that should be merit enough to understand that Blitz didn't deserve it, even if Octavia remains upset.

Octavia Will Get Over It

I have been in this girl's shoes. While it all- stings and hurts for so long. You learn to move on and that at some point you have to let go.

Unlike Via tho... I went years without closure. For Octavia, closure is just around the corner and in some ran down apartment rented by some red dickhead.

She'll get through her feelings and eventually realize where she and her father need to talk and communicate.

I know saying she'll "get over it" is cruel, but she is a young adult. She has to learn that adults have to at some point choose themselves. That they can't- give of themselves infinitely.

What Stolas and Octavia had wasn't sustainable, the constant- expectation he'd willingly choose her over everyone is simply unrealistic. Stolas needs room to grow and love himself. Via needs to learn some independence and that she will be okay with or without Stolas.

She will be okay.

Conclusion

While this may be- a convoluted post, I do hope you all understand why I push back against this argument so hard. Shoutout to my mootie Fly again. Your original comment inspired this whole mess lol.

Toodles, Amalthea Out!

[marsoid]

ANSWERING OVERDUE ASKS PART 3!!

ANSWER UNDER THE CUT!!

I try to study photo reference of cars when I color them! Black cars are especially helpful because it’s easier to interpret what I’m looking at. Take this one for example

It’s just a really sexy mirror essentially. You can see the reflection of the sky, the ground, and the greenery in a way that adheres to the form. Blocky cars are simple because the planes are very obvious and clear. Look at the nose just above the headlight chrome, you can tell it’s angled in such a way that you just see almost a solid rectangle of sky, where the hood just above it is reflecting only the greenery because it’s a different angled plane (flat reflective surfaces like the hood are similar to a lake reflecting a mirrored image of what’s right above it).

Thinking of them like mirrors helps me make sense of it lol so IDK MAYBE IT’LL HELP U TOO?!?!

Sugar is some kind of siren i swear

Our 9 year anniversary is coming up this month 🥹

Currently Sugar is having some annoying acceleration hesitation issue that’s almost certainly the fault of the aftermarket EFI system i have on her, might need a new throttle position sensor (which is cheap and simple thankfully!). I always feel like a crazy person if i can’t drive for a few days. I WAUNT TO DRIVE MY CAR

Here’s a recent pic also. Sorry there’s some dumbass idiot in the way

JKFLD

Keep her clean! Inside and out wash days! Maybe fix up any torn upholstery, get her some new floor mats with a matching steering wheel cover, something cool to dangle from the rearview mirror, and truck nuts (don’t do truck nuts)

I’m also a big fan of people who put a sticker of their car, on their car. Makes me laugh every time it’s so weird and endearing LOL

@esendoran thank you!! I also wasn’t very handy when I got my car, but I got her in surprisingly good shape from the get-go luckily. The nice thing about vintage cars is that they’re very simple mechanically. The engine bay is open and spacious and easy to crank on. It’s also got the advantage of being so old that there’s a ton of people who will know how to work on them if you don’t (YouTube videos, car forums etc too). The only thing I would say is that you should definitely have a garage or somewhere else enclosed if you get an old car! They’re an easy target for car theft, and tend to not do well sitting in bad weather (even rain, and god forbid you get some nasty hail). But otherwise, I wouldn’t let lack of knowledge keep you from getting one! Learn as you go. Also get any car you want to buy appraised before you give the seller any money!! They can make sure there’s no serious hidden issues. 👍🏾

I need to do a part 4 dammit what is wrong with me

[fiepige]

Me: I'm not gonna start writing another fic until I've edited and posted every chapter of my current fic so I can put all my energy into finishing it.

Also me: Has just started writing a fic about Hobie and Sage because the fic idea would not leave me alone!!!

[karuma-meii]

Thinking again about this common theme of like, Franziska being less of a "genius" than Miles. When like objectively it's just untrue! I mean she became a prosecutor when she was only 13 (in the same year Miles became one at 20), she only had wins up until Phoenix (just like Miles or her father) and she still feels like she's lagging behind, like she's not catching up. And no one disputes this! No one even tries to make her feel this isn't the case. I'm going to explode.

[storytellering]

I think I saw you but I know I'm not supposed to

[eraiyang]

under the dying sun, under the extinguished stars

[dangaer]

we as roleplayers talk a lot about how rp is not a job (which is important!) and that we have lives outside of rp but I did want to say i think it's okay to use certain irl things from what you've picked up from your job and experiences in helping you.

one thing i do for example is when I'm not sure what to do, I make an irl to do list which helps me a lot because physically ticking off once a particular thing is done helps me so much and im not afraid to admit it.

[kylo-skywalkerr]

Okay LISTEN. Kylux has such beautiful parallels and opposites in their life stories that it's almost beautiful.

The height of Ben's life was him being young. He was naturally gifted, had a great family, and a promising future. There were problems, but he had friends, and he was thriving. Then he grew up and renounced his identity as Ben and things went downhill.

Hux's childhood on the other hand was his low point. It wasn't until adulthood that he rose up and became stronger.

Kylo killed his father because he loved him. Snoke saw it as a weakness and made him do it. It tore him apart.

Hux killed his father because he hated him. He needed to thrive and that had to happen with Brendol's death.

Hux is reserved and handles his emotions accordingly, rarely ever doing more than raising his voice whenever the occasion permits it.

Kylo can't control his emotions and only acts in anger, unable to ground himself as well as Hux does.

They're opposites but also so much alike. Violent, self serving, desiring full control over the throne.

So alike yet so different. I mourn the loss of the duel of the fates script because in that they actually did come together. Rey refused Kylo's help so Kylo took Hux's hand. Let him lead, obeyed enough to shave his entire head simply because Hux found it too disorderly. Original Hux was fascinated by the force, he wished he had it. While Kylo's life is ruined by it.

Sometimes, I think that Kylo and Hux's relationship was tarnished just to make Rey and Kylo seem more probable. Those two were stronger together, and the writers tore them apart. But they're perfect together, opposite yet one in the same.

[johnslittlespoon]

i was so excited to listen to glass animal's new song 'creatures in heaven' today and instead my heart has been ripped out because it's so awfully painfully fitting for our mota boys (i'm currently making an angsty heartache–y edit to it lol whoops) BUCKLE UP because i need to yell (and keep scrolling if lyric analysis/song fics aren't your thing <3)

also tumblr keeps screwing with the formatting ignore that pls lol

What do you think about when you think about love? I'm dumbstruck when you're tender, but It's three in the morning, be in the moment It tears through my head, does it haunt you too?

i mean, the imagery. pillow talk, sneaking off base before dawn, vulnerability and raw honesty laying side by side in a field, looking up at the stars and wondering which ones are the people they've lost looking down at them, every peaceful, happy moment laced with the knowledge that so many friends will never get to have another one.

You held me like my mother made me just for you You held me so close that I broke in two

fuck my life. dave bayley count your days. these lines are just so viscerally painful and stunning? john feeling like every core of his being was made to fit gale, like puzzle pieces slotting together, the gaps in his life filled the moment gale enters his orbit. both of them never having experienced being treated so gently and with so much reverence, feeling taken apart and put back together in each other's arms.

You pass through my head, does it haunt you too? Never really said that I loved you, too

heavy on the angst here because this reads like post–war john pov, filled with regrets but plastering on a smile as he watches gale marry someone who isn't him, aching to tell him how he feels but knowing it will only make a mess of things. and more than anything, he wants gale to be happy, and if that means staying quiet and loving him at arm's length, he can do that. but late at night he can't help but wonder if gale ever thinks about what could've been, if all the moments they shared haunt him too.

Lucky, lucky you, 'cause I'm fortune's fool Such small words but they hit so huge

this reminded me of gale's father and his gambling and how despite everything he falls in love with john, a gambling man. such small words (don't count on it) but they mean everything :(

I don't think I realize Just how much I miss you sometimes We were young and so in love

this hurts on SO MANY LEVELS. i immediately read this as curtbucky– john never gets time to grieve, everyone just has to keep trucking on. but sometimes late at night it hits him so hard he feels like he's drowning, realizing how empty of a space curt's left, how much he truly loved him, the first person to make him feel that way.

but also can be read as buckbucky, both of them properly feeling the emptiness of not being by each other's sides for the first time before they reunite at the stalag, maybe both having a feelings–realization moment when they're hit with how wrong everything feels when they're apart.

or, post–war, john aching for gale and wishing on everything that he can just fall out of love. he knew that it would be hard, going back home and going their separate ways, even with the promise to stay in contact, but it's so much harder than he ever could have imagined.

Three in the morning, safe inside Bury me here in your laundry pile

ouch ouch ouch. a few images: john seeking out one of gale's worn shirts after his plane goes down, falling asleep with it pressed to his chest in his bed. or john stealing one of gale's shirts before they all go back home post–war, shoving it to the bottom of his suitcase, sleeping with it every night despite the way his stomach turns, feeling hollowed out as the smell of him slowly fades away. or, john staying at gale and marge's house for the wedding, having a breakdown the night after, finding himself on the floor of their laundry room at three am, curling up in a pile of dirty laundry just to feel close to gale one last time before he goes home in the morning.

I don't see the point in a subtle romance Ten tonne heartache sitting on your back

john is so all or nothing with love; when he's in, he's in, barrelling full speed ahead, giving it all up for his person. maybe the secrecy when they first start seeing each other is okay at first, little midnight rendezvous, but he craves more, he wants a future with gale so badly, he wants a house and a wedding and kids and a dog and sitting side by side on a porch at eighty years old. but he knows that gale is giving him all that he can right now, and it's better than nothing, so even though he wants so much more, he'll settle.

Scared of the crack where the light comes through I'm only really me when I'm here with you

ughhh both of them being so scared to be really seen by someone that it's terrifying how quickly they grow close. that nauseating feeling you get right after opening up to someone for the first time, the feeling of holding your breath waiting for rejection– but it never comes. they accept each other with open arms and patience and unconditional love and they show each other what it's like to be able to be so fully unapologetically real with someone for the first time. a shell of themselves when they aren't together, like they're missing one half, and it's so obvious that everyone around can see it. they share the same name for a reason.

And it gets into your head like a cosmic zoom Coat on the door like an old space suit So long cowboy, you're so cool Cash in hand with a memory of you

okay, ngl this just made me think of john ditching his coat that gale hates– even in the heat of going up on a mission, it's still in his head, enough to go through the motion of swapping it out. so long cowboy just sounds like something sweet he and curt would've said to each other honestly; thinking about john saying it again when he looks up at the stars the night he finds out curt didn't make it.

cash in hand with a memory of you? come onnn it's literally the lucky deuce. may as well have just slapped that bit of the song behind the scene of gale going through his belongings when he makes it back to base, picking up the cash and thinking about his man. </3

–anyway! apologies for the word–vomit, sometimes i just get a song wedged into the front of my skull and i am paralyzed from doing anything else until i get my thoughts out about it. and it's truly such a gorgeous song, 10/10 recommend if you feel like crying, been listening to these guys for a decade now and they never disappoint.

literally gonna agonize over making an edit for this for hours to get the vision just right and would not be surprised if i end up writing a oneshot inspired by it lol i adore every song they've put out but this one just gripped me so strongly the moment i pulled up the lyrics with how perfectly it slotted into the mota–verse. <33

[insufferablemod]

.

[doueverwonder]

my two am ramble that will get deleted is about how hard it actually is to get into observing new things like my dumbass forgot about lent until it was a week into lent and I have like 17 reminders already set on my phone for Good Friday that just say “don’t eat” so I don’t forget (bc I will) and I keep just reading stuff and trying to figure it out and its stupid but no one in my family or friends observe lent and everyone at church just knows what to do because they’ve been doing it forever and ugh it’s just… aggravating. I feel like I’m not doing anything right but I don’t know how to do it right either and can’t figure it out.

[benetnvsch]

what if I change my major again,,,,,

[cake-emu]

happy Sunday :) look how chuffed she is with her cake

[hp-lonesome-actual-art]

UHM. UH. More messy rushed doodle collection from today. I will not confess to anything my mouth is sealed shut. Most of it is mindless fun; nothing to do with brainstorming storylines or being worried about staying canonical to how his character is typically presented. Head empty no thoughts since I desperately needed a break from animating again

…but yes to answer your question I’m a bit deranged about him please keep scrolling

[susansontag]

I won’t lie to you all… I’m on a holiday with a friend and it has mostly been lovely but today she was stressed about stuff and likely took it out on me at one point in a way that was really unfair and we did part for a while and I cried. she later said sorry and that I hadn’t done anything wrong so clearly felt bad about it (only after I apologised though, mostly to see if she’d let me get away with taking the blame but she took responsibility herself, which was at least positive) but like it is true that about 5% of the time this friend can be difficult and it’s just hard to manage when it happens