#I just need my Sastiel crumbs

[thequeenofsastiel]

So apparently in The Winchesters Jack, Bobby, the Impala, and Dean show up but not Sam or Castiel, so I'm just gonna go ahead and headcanon that that's because they were too busy being in love in Heaven to care about AU drama.

[sastielsfandom]

I just watched the episode and I want to scream for various reasons but it is 4 in the morning almost five and I'm fairly certain that even if I wanted to scream at a reasonable time I wouldn't be able to because I can't recall a time I've ever actually screamed. So I'm just going to scream in my mind.

URL first, we have been getting crumbs here and there this season for Sastiel, even if I didn't ship Sastiel I'd be able to get strong Sastiel vibes. I don't know how to handle what we've been given, I'm used to crumbs, these are not crumbs!!! Protective Cas, I love protective Cas, Sam didn't even consider dying and Cas was telling him no already. Then trying to go in after Sam so he's not alone- It's too much for me, so we'll go to my next ramble.

Dean, oh the fury in my heart- Where do I fucking begin? We were fucking right about Dean and his controlling nature. How he doesn't view Jack as a son, which has been obvious since they met! I am so angry about the way he had to tell Jack before he sends him to his death that this is what he needs. Fuck off, you don't send a three-year-old to die so you can feel free from God. Then pulling a gun out on Sam? Dean's true colors were shown the ones that have been laid out for seasons, finally are too obvious to ignore. This is the abusive fuck we've been ranting about. I'm too pissed to even go in-depth so we are moving on.

Jack, so many feels, he deserves so much better. He didn't need to overhear Dean yelling about him again, then believing them and still just trying to get Dean's forgiveness. The fact that he has ended up back where he started, dying at the hands of God. Struggling to hold in a massive amount of power that is killing him.

Sam fighting to keep his son alive, not taking any bullshit from Dean not when it comes to Jack. He made that mistake once and he's not going to do it again. This is the Sam that has been hiding for so many seasons, and I am so happy to see him again. I was tearing up for him, this episode had me in my feels. I wish I could tell you exactly how I felt watching Sam this episode but I don't know. I have too many that are proud of him but also angry for him, sad, relieved, stressed, and these are just the ones I can put a name to right now.

Castiel, I wish they didn't feel like a background character but they did. However, I loved that it was obvious they are on the same wavelength as Sam, through and through. Castiel has been looking to Sam for final decisions lately when they are hesitant and it just makes me happy that Cas is following their heart and what feels right to them rather than what Dean says. Maybe it's because I've been thinking about 4X07, but I feel like there's a lot of doubt in what Castiel had been believing in as of recently. It reminds me of the first time we saw them begin to question their orders but now it's the orders from the person that Castiel had believed in. The person who they had confided in on a bench because they could feel in their heart that this isn't right even if the angels swear by it. Even though Dean, Billie, and the Empty and Jack are trying to convince them, Castiel is trusting themselves and Sam. Maye this is just me but this is what I've been getting from these past few episodes with him.

Amara was just looking to help save the world and create a balance that is supposed to be already but everyone wants to lie. I hate how she's being manipulated by the people she loves and none of them are even sorry because their battle is more important to them. She deserves better.

These are just my first thoughts after the episode my little (long) rambles, but I am done for now.

[samstiels-deactivated20201212]

i never ever go into ship tags any more bc i’m a crotchety fandom grandma now and i’ve learned my lesson years ago but I was looking for a post I lost in the sastiel tag and

someone’s got this passive aggressive “I’m glad sastiel fans are getting some material even if it’s just crumbs”

and I literally revert to my 20-something fandom self in a heartbeat, like bitch, i will fucking fight you

then i have to take a deep breath and remember that half the reason i enjoy the ship so much is because the sastiel shippers aren’t assholes and i don’t particularly like being an asshole either, so i need to chill

[missjackil]

My 14x15 Opinion

Peace of Mind

Wow, this 2nd half of the season is really turning out to be so good!! I have not been disappointed by any episodes since the mid-season finale! I had heard a lot of negativity before this one aired, mainly because the brothers would be separated, but I don't think the episode suffered all that much from it, I think because we got Sad!Sam Caring!Dean in the beginning, and the end. Also I had heard Hellers rejoicing before it aired because apparently it was written by Dabb’s assistant who “openly ships destiel” (I don't know this to be a fact because I don't watch Hellers on Twitter) and surely she would give that ship representation, but nope. Not even a crumb 😜 in fact, we wincesters and our sastiel friends were pretty delighted it seems😁 So without further ado, click the cut for my more in-depth analysis.  

Early on we get a worried Dean because Sam tells him he's alright, but he knows its crap. Sam walks through the war room and has nearly debilitating flashbacks of the recent blood and carnage. Nope. Sam’s not alright, and my heart breaks for him. Thankfully Dean isn't angry with him at all, he’s concerned he’s not getting any rest and wants to run out on a hunt again. Sam won't hear it, he’s out in 10. Cas volunteers to go with and nominates Dean to stay with Jack.,. For some reason, Cas thinks Dean would help him with the soullessness, but Dean disagrees. It was a good call to take him to see Donatello, he reminds me of my dad, I like him. (My dad had a soul though hehe) 

I also like that they didn't forget that Dean doesn't like snakes very much. I always like seeing Sam and Dean creeped out about normal things other people are creeped out about. It makes them so much more human and down to Earth.

Now we go off to this strange piscturesque town that appears to be stuck in the 1950s. .Sam is given a milkshake that he finds delicious, and yes, I thought the milkshake was poison, not gonna lie. and now we can watch him slowly spiral down into the happiness of the town. How cute was it though, that he was excited about pot roast?

In the morning, Cas cant find Sam, so he gets a little frantic trying to find him. Now, I dont ship sastiel, but this episode showed me why its an understandable ship. Cas has a protectiveness over Sam, similar to Deans, though not the same energy. Cas has never really been very protective over Dean. Sam has a respect for Cas,  maybe not at Angel of the Lord level, but he understands Cas much more than Dean does. 

Now we get introducted to Stepford!Sam aka Justin Smith, and I got hives right away LOL but he was actually very funny! This season has blessed us with seeing Sam in a lot of ways we don’t typically see him,and this was really an out-of-the-box persona for him, and Jared did a great job again!.

Cas aint havin none of Stepford!Sam so he’s off to figure out wtf is going on and fix it before Dean wont let him take Sam out ever again! Sam follows him and brings others to “take care” of Cas, and now Stepford!Sam is kinda psycho. HJe tackles Cas and is going to kill him with the Angel Blade, but Cas tried to talk him out of the mind control. Now, my one big complaint in this episode is that Cas tells Sam he knows what it’s like to fail as a leader. Sorry folks, Sam did NOT fail as a leader. Im sure Sam feels like he’s at fault, I mean, he blames himself for The Limburg Baby and Global Warming basically, but no way did he fail anyone. But that aside, my little canon wincest heart fluttered with the fact that Sam came to when Dean was mentioned. 😍 I did not like the mayer trying to explode Sam’s brain and making his face all melty.... stop that!! But all that at the end there, seemed to me, to be a call back to Sam and the psychic kids from back in the day, with the psychic mind control, and how the waitress did the hand thing like Sam did to take control over the mayor, so Im just gonna put that on my “things that make me go hmmmm” shelf.

Back at the bunker, Cas has told Dean about all that had happened. I must say Dean looked a little jealous about Sam having a wife, and maybe a little hurt that Sam was “happy”. Sam told Dean it was all fake but comes out with the fact he hates the Bunker right now, and has been running them ragged just to get out. I loved that he said “Its my home... its our home” and he cant run anymore, he just needs time. Dean gave him a nice supportive touch on the shoulder “ok Sam” but Deans expression, to me, looks like he doesnt really believe him, and is worried again that Sam will want to leave. This may happened. Im not convinced we’re out of Sam’s self loathing period, nor is he over the trauma. I dont think Sam would ever ever leave Dean again, but he’s not beyond needing time away to decompress. 

I have to give praise to Jared yet again for his acting in this one. So many different moods and ranges and a whole other persona that he executed flawlessly. This has been such a good season for Jared to flex his acting muscles!

Overall I really enjoyed this episode, even with the boys off doing seperate things, it was much better than I expected. Next week we have a nice brothers only MOTW and I cant wait! The real shit is gonna hit the fan soon!

So on a scale of Bloodlines to Lebanon... I give this one a 7.5 more brtime would have earned it an 8 or more, but the bro time they gave us was very good.

[magnificent-winged-beast]

SPN 13X14 PROMO II, and how to make Destiel canon in a single scene.

I want to take a moment to appreciate this possible kinda Purgatory scenario. Where Cas and Dean could be trapped alone, even briefly, in an AU fighting from what it looks like cavemen (with a Twentieth ish century hairstyle) .

Now, I will like to analyze and take a shoot in making a crazy speculation that is more like a wish about what could make Destiel canon under the cut.

Proceed with caution, at first bitterness is assured, but will be rewarded with a possible scenario of my feverish imagination, that could solve the Destiel conundrum.

Remember, this is a visceral speculation about a simple action/scene that could perfectly gave us a clear confirmation of Cas and Dean romantic status, not a bread crumb, not a clue to decipher with our assigned Enigma machine, that we learned to build as Shipers in this fandom, or have to wait till season 15 to witness the allegedly “End Game”. I told you there will be bitterness, I will not apologize for being blunt about the treatment I been suffering as a Shiper from part of the show-runners through the years. —- end of bitterness, rainbows ahead—–>

Ok, the good part now.

I really could only adventure to speculate and use my imagination about the setting of the scenes at the bunker, in the following pictures we have since the past couple of weeks.

First of all, take a good look at how good Cas looks in this take. That’s all, no point here at all, just look at him, you’re welcome.

To the point (for real this time) , because of the following images I can only assume that Donatello was caught red handed making a Chicken wings take out order directly to Colonel Sanders Asssmodeus, thus revealing his current spell/influence status to the Winchesters.  

Now, this brings me to the next key image where at first glance Sam and Dean appear to be about to have a Match or Face Off to determinate which Ship is the real deal, either Destiel or Sastiel. Mostly because of the way they both are looking at Cas like he was food and they were very… very hungry… is kinda unsettling.

But being realistic, and knowing of course that the real deal is always Destiel (sorry Sasstiel shipers, but I’m not sorry). This obviously implies that a doubt showed his ugly face to the Winchesters about if Castiel is being influenced/controlled by Asssmosdeus too, and even if is really Cas himself.

Now that I have the scenarios, I will let myself imagen this two possibilities:

HOW TO MAKE YOUR BROTHER KNOW THAT YOU CAN TELL IF YOUR BRO IS REALLY HIM, NOT ONLY BECAUSE OF VERY PERSONAL AND INTIMATE QUESTIONS. YES, DEAN KNOWS ALL ABOUT THE MOLES AND OTHER PHYSICAL MARKS THAT HE IS BEING EXPLORING ON CAS HUMAN VESSEL. 

This explains all in a phrase. And I’m not talking about a cover and utterly subtle convo between brothers of “How Dean can tell if Cas is Cas” wink, wink, nudge, nudge. No people, stop the need for clues, lets take a bite of the Pièce De Résistance we been waiting this past decade in a single scene.

In a plain and simple conversation between Dean and Sam, you make them solve the big mystery about the noises that usually come out from Dean´s bedroom  at night, every time Castiel is around at the bunker. In a mature, yet comical way confronting Sam that Dean has a mental map of Cas body because they are, obviously, in a very physical and romantic entanglement, even if Sam tried to avoid the subject because he “saw things” in the past.

And because it’s a very pressing matter to know if they could be next to another “Naomi” situation, or even worse, having near him Asssmodeus himself disguised as Cas. Not go further or deeper about this relationship, just a plain and direct way make Dean explain that he knows all about Cas sinful mole near his right nipple, and move on. Then, Dean could ask Sam to please check for the X marks and/or be the one asking the very personal questions, (pray for Sam)without Dean being present, because if is Asssmodeus, he could read his mind and know how to answer and/or know what he is looking in Cas’s vessel.  BAM!! You have canon Destiel. Please throw your Enigma machine out of the window and kiss the Bibros goodbye, and celebrate.

 Yes, it lacks the pomp and circumstance we wish for a kiss or a very romantic smutty scene. But if the big excuse is “The show is about two brothers fighting over the Supernatural” **EPIC INTENAL FACEPALM** (yes, we discuss about this the last week, but Let’s use the two brain cells logic of some Bibros for a moment, indulge me) Like other things that where forged or emerge in the show as a “side plot” let them explain us all about Dean/Cas relationship as we go, in the march, in the middle of a imminent threat that have to be solved in the spot. No big speeches or heavy confessions. Let Dean say in plain and simple words about his deep knowledge of Cas’s body, because he is been sharing his bed from a long time.

WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE PURGATORY. OH! THE MEMORIES.

That’s it. You solve two mysteries at once. Again, in a simple conversation between Cas and Dean you choose either if is before or after they fight/confront the cavemen. Dean could make and usual attempt to name the AU because of this leathered and hairy men, and/or compare that place with Purgatory. Making point out a specific situation that is similar about their time at Purgatory years ago. 

As a response I imagine the logic and Cas’s direct approach to all things Sassy Dean tries to remember or compare with. Making Cas explain that those situations aren’t the same because in Purgatory they where fighting real monsters that where extremely vicious and dangerous (unless the cavemen have laser eyes or super static powers coming out from his leathery garments, OMC) . Plus, in that occasion they where more at sync because they started to make his relationship more intimate even with Benny lurking around. At this point I want to specify that I’m imaging a very explicit convo that reveals some intimate details about how they spent their nights in Purgatory. And again, Cas could point out bluntly that this situation is also different now because of the current suspicion about Cas being Cas or not. Thus using the active imagination of Dean making a very explicit and direct comment about how he would like to test that theory about the place at night alongside Cas. Thereby you have in one scene and conversation:

First: A very Dean’s way to say sorry about the doubt of Cas being Cas and requesting direct access now that they are alone without Moose to Let Dean check at first hand about the marks or trades that he only knows about Cas. Second: BAM! Canon Destiel of course.

Right now, I deeply envy FanFic writers, because if I had their abilities, all my speculations and wishes could be explained in a more poetic and/or romantic way. But as I don’t posses such talents, and if you get to this point of reading my feverish imaginings about how could 10 years of Destiel baiting could be solve in two possible scenarios. I wish you the best, even if at the end we will only be feed by two or three bread crumbs that sustain our wishes for a better tomorrow and canonization of or beloved Ship. eveeeeentually in a promised ”End Game”.

Now let’s see what happens tonight.

P. S. :Yes, I must admit I giggle like a child every time I wrote “influence”, Mishalecki has ruined this word for me forever, @jemariel will understand.

As requested I will torture my Casnatural family. @babyinthetrench @bend-me-shape-me @weathergirl83 @daughter-of-the-rain-and-snow @sactownbrowns3 @silvie111 @gneisscastiel @starsinursa.

[jordanwinchesterimagines]

Cookie Conspiracies and Revelations

Title: Cookie Conspiracies and Revelations

Words: 4175

A/N: Here is the next part to You Don’t Know What It Feels Like! For those of you late to the game, it started out as a deanxreader but due to overwhelming comments and text in my inbox it is now working out to be a sassy sastiel mess that I love. I know there was some issues with the links to previous parts, so I went back and fixed them. They should be working now. As always, Thank you for your love and support through likes, rebloggs and messages. Love you all. You mean the world to me!

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five

Sam returned from his run two hours later completely drenched in sweat, and exhausted, both mentally and physically. Instead of clearing his mind, the run just made him more anxious.  Not being able to zone out like he normally does, his mind wandered to everything that has happened in the last few days. From the moment that Castiel had arrived at the cabin, Sam had been a flustering mess. Everything that the angel did seemed to pull some sort of embarrassing response out of him, and he was not sure how he felt about it. It wasn’t the fact that Cas was a guy… Hell,  Sam had been there done that once or twice in his past. Maybe it was that he was an angel and the fact that Sam was the opposite of righteous, at least in his eyes. Whatever it was, the increased heart rate, the redness in his cheeks… made him nervous and terrified.  But what did that all mean?

Sam sighed as he came through the door quietly and headed straight for his room. Feeling the immediate need to shower, he grabbed a change of clothes before darting into the bathroom. He turned the water on before stripping down and stepping in under the scalding, hot water. He felt his body relax after a few minutes, the stream of water doing it’s job. Unfortunately, his mind was not able to take a break from the thousands of thoughts swarming around in his brain. What was this feeling in his gut? Why was it happening now? How was he going to ignore it? Did he want to? Sam groaned, resting his head on the tile. He was so confused. He didn’t like Cas, did he? Was this some side effect of trying to get over you? Or was this real? Sam felt his muscles tighten at the thought, the shower no longer helping. He turned the water off, threw on his boxers and walked out of the bathroom. Before heading to his bedroom, he risked a trip to the kitchen, to retrieve an unopened bottle of vodka. He drank half the bottle before he decided to slow down. Taking out his phone he pulled up his favorite picture of the two of you, the same one he looked at the night he decided to leave. He stared at it for awhile before realizing that it was not giving him the same feelings as it did nearly a month ago. Sure there were still… feelings there. But his heart didn’t ache like it did when he first left. Maybe the time in the cabin had helped… or was it something else? Sam would be lying if he said that Cas being here didn’t help. When Cas had told him that he drove all the way to South Dakota to check on him…. That had affected Sam more than he had expected. It made him feel important, it made him feel cared for… it made him feel loved? He shook his head. That was ridiculous, right? Cas didn’t like him like that! He was a really good friend… But why did it affect him so much? Sam took a long swig from the bottle…. A very long swig. At this point, he wanted to shut his brain off for awhile and sleep.

…

Castiel had been there three weeks and they had been filled with moments that had made Sam both uncomfortable and embarrassed. Walking in on Cas cooking breakfast in his pajamas, blushing when Cas reached across the table and wiped salad dressing off of his chin, Sam feeling warm and tingly at the sight of Cas wearing his t-shirt to bed…. But the thing was, the more time that had passed, the more comfortable he became. Tonight, the two of them had been invited to dinner at Jody’s, and Sam wondered briefly what the girls would think. Jody was like a mother to Sam, and he was interested in picking her brain on the feelings that he had been experiencing since the angel’s arrival. Sam checked himself once more in the mirror making sure that he was presentable.

“Cas, we gotta go! We have to be there in like..” He checked his watch. “Twenty minutes!”.

“I’m ready, Sam” Sam jumped, Castiel’s sudden appearence behind him startling him.

“Don’t scare me like that!” he said, a light chuckle forming. He turned around to look at Cas. He was wearing a pair of loose fitting jeans, and a black t-shirt underneath his blue flannel. It brings out the color of his eyes…. Sam shook his head.

“Is this suitable?” Cas asked, frowning at Sam’s expression and looking down at this shirt. “I thought it would be okay, since you and your brother wear them often…”

“NO! I mean… yeah it, ugh.. Looks good. I just…” Sam ran his hand through his hair nervously. “ I’m just not used to seeing you in different clothes all the time.” It was a half truth, but a truth nonetheless.. “Ready to go?” Cas nodded and they made their way to the truck, pausing briefly to grab the plate of cookies that Cas had baked earlier that day. They played music as they drove, loud enough to hear but not loud enough to drown out their light conversation. At one point Sam risked a glance over to Cas who was humming softly and looking out the passenger side window. The sun was shining on his pale skin, and the wind coming through the open window was blowing his short black hair. Several weeks ago, Sam would find the image odd... a bit out of place. But now, Sam thought that it looked almost perfect, and silently hoped that he would be able to see it again in the future.

…..

Jody’s POV:

Jody watched as the two men pulled up in the driveway. She smiled and shook her head when Sam got out first and walked around to help Castiel open the door. They were speaking to each other as they walked to the door, Sam walking oddly close to the angel. “Girls! They’re here!” Jody stepped off of her porch in order to catch Sam in a bear hug. She squeezed him briefly before releasing him and patting him on the shoulder. Looking over, she noticed Cas had distanced himself a few steps and was standing awkwardly to the side. “Come on, Castiel. You’re not getting away that easily.” She motioned for him to come closer but grew impatient with his shuffling feet. Still holding the plate of baked goods, Cas held one hesitant arm out for her. She chuckled and returned the gentle hug. ‘Good ole’ Cas’ Jody thought.

“I baked these earlier today. I have heard that it is customary to bring something when invited over to someone’s home.”

“Well, look at that! Thank you. I’m looking forward to trying them after dinner.” She took the plate from his hands and headed for the door, motioning for them to follow. “Come on in, boys”. Claire and Alex were waiting for them in the living room, looking like they had been laughing at something. Alex elbowed Claire in the side when they entered, to which Claire scowled, but said nothing. “What’s so funny?” Jody asked, looking at the girls skeptically.

“Nothing, Claire just told me a joke.” Alex said, nervously.

“I’m going to accept that, but only because you're not killing each other.” She motioned for Castiel and Sam to sit down. “Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. I’ll yell for you.” She left them to fend for themselves with with the pair of teenagers while she finished making the salad. As she chopped, she couldn’t help but think about the change she had seen in Sam since the last time he had been there. He didn’t look like he was going to drive his truck into the lake anymore. He almost looked… smitten? If what she suspected was true, Dean owed her a hundred dollars.

……..

Sam’s POV:

Sam winced as Castiel’s plate of cookies was placed in the center of the table. The poor guy hadn’t realized that he had burnt the cookies, having not had much baking experience, and ham didn't have the heart to tell him back at the cabin. He had been banking on the girls picking up on his plan to eat them no matter the taste and unpleasant appearance. ‘Fingers crossed’ he thought. He noticed Cas shifting next to him, obviously anxious for feedback on his baking. He took a deep breath and reached across Cas to the stack of black cookies and grabbed one. He smiled at Cas before taking a large, difficult bite on the overcooked dough. Overall, the taste wasn’t horrible, but the fact that he could probably use it as a hockey puck didn’t help. He nodded and managed to produce a happy sound in fake-approval.

“Are they good?” Cas asked, hopefully

“Oh, yeah. The best!” He coughed. “You know what would make them better though? A tall glass of cold milk.” Cas nodded.

“Would you like me to get some for you?” He asked, already standing from his seat.

“That would be great, Cas. Thanks.” Sam watched him cross the room and enter the kitchen, waiting until he was out of sight to spit the excess crumbs out of his mouth. He looked across the tables to the three smiling women. He stared them down. “You better eat one or hide one, because no one is telling him.”

“Don’t worry Big and Tall, we won’t hurt your boyfriends feelings…” Claire murmured, taking two cookies and putting them in her pockets. Sam frowned.

“What?” he asked, not sure if he had heard Claire correctly.

“You heard me.” She said, letting out a soft chuckle.

“Alright, give it a rest” Jody warned, nodding to the cookies. “Like he said… eat ‘em or hide ‘em”. There was a scurry of movement at the sound of Castiel’s footsteps returning from the kitchen. Each of them grabbed a few and managed to shove them in various places before the angel walked in with an arm full of glasses and a gallon of milk.

“I thought I would bring the milk out since there are so many of us….” Cas stopped walking and stared at the empty tray, tilting his head. “Did you eat all of them?” If Sam wasn’t the leader of the cookie conspiracy of the century, he would have laughed at Cas’ confused gaze.

“Sorry, Cas. I guess we all got too excited and finished them off.” Sam said, patting his stomach.

“Yeah. Sam here ate six all by himself.” Claire said, throwing a smirk in Sam’s direction. Castiel beamed.

“Well, I would be happy to make you more, Sam. Perhaps tomorrow when you are training Claire...” Sam nodded.

“Sounds good to me.” Sam replied, sending Claire a pointed glare

“They were delicious” Jody chimed in, “but we need to get this mess cleaned up” she looked at Sam. “Help me with the dishes?” Sam nodded. He knew that it was more of a command than a question.

“What can I do, Jody?” asked Cas, expectantly. Jody reached out and patted his shoulder.

“You don’t need to do a thing” she motioned to Claire, “Claire was actually hoping to ask you some questions about the research she has been doing.” Claire shrugged, she had been there long enough to know when to question the older woman, and when to just go along with it. She stood up from her chair.

“Let’s go, Cas.” She left the room, not bothering to check and make sure he was coming. Castiel shot Sam a questioning look before setting down the glasses and following the teenager down the hallway. Alex, who had been watching from her seat at the table, stood and took her leave, mumbling something about homework. Jody picked up a stack of plates off the table.

“You know the drill”. Sam took a deep breath. ‘Here we go’ he thought.

………….

They settled into their normal rhythm, Jody washing and Sam drying. After a few moments of silence Jody spoke. “You going to tell me what’s going on with you and Cas, or are we going to ignore whatever it is that you're hiding.”

“How did you know?” Her reply came in the form of a sarcastic face. Sam nodded. “Right. Well, I’m not really sure what’s going on, to be honest.”

“Well, what changed? Obviously the last time you were here things were… different.”

“I don’t know.” Sam sighed. “One minute I’m sad and lonely and the next thing I know Cas is pulling up in his death trap of a car and now I’m…..confused”.

“Confused? Why is it confusing?” she asked, handing him another plate. He took it, shaking his head.

“I don’t know. He just….” he exhaled loudly and put the plate and the towel down, turning to face her. “He does these things… like, weird things… that make me feel… weird.” Jody placed the dish she was holding back into the soapy water and returned Sam’s gaze.

“Sam, you sound like a twelve year old girl. What do you mean ‘weird things’” He folded his arms and rocked back on his heels.

“He makes me breakfast sometimes… and he makes sure to say goodnight before he goes to bed.” Sam chuckled. “He leaves me notes on the bathroom mirror letting me know when we run out of toothpaste. Jody, he drove all the way from the bunker to make sure that I was okay after… you know. He could barely walk and he drove hours to check on me.”

“And that makes you feel ‘weird’? Come on, level with me here. You’ve always been able to talk to me.” Jody nudged him. “How does it make you feel?” He thought for a moment. How DID it make him feel? He thought back to the first day that Cas had showed up at the cabin, and how Cas had driven when he was injured just to make sure that he was okay. His heart had beat faster in his chest, and he had felt overwhelmed by the gesture. The only other times he had felt something like this for another person was with Jess… and you. Of course he had recognized his feelings creeping up on him in the last few weeks, but until now he was pushing it aside, hiding it away and trying to pretend nothing was different between him and the angel. Why wouldn’t he? Everyone he had ever had feelings for ended up dead, or dating his brother. Why would this be any different? What if Cas didn’t feel anything towards Sam and he was imagining the whole thing? Or worse, what if he did and then something happened to him? Sam shook his head, he didn’t want to imagine anything happening to Cas. Just the thought of it made him shudder. He knew how he felt, he was just reluctant to admit it.

“Scared.” Sam whispered. Jody reached forward and gently touched his arm, trying to provide any comfort that she could.  

“Scared of what?” Sam blinked at the water accumulating in his eyes and released a sarcastic chuckle. ‘This was so dumb’ he thought. He was supposed to be a hunter, he was supposed to be strong and fearless. But this whole situation had him in a crumbling mess.

“Getting hurt.” He admitted, his voice betraying him. There was no hiding any of this from her. She knew everything… saw everything.. There was no way he was going to get away with telling her anything but the truth.

“The way that (Y/N) hurt you?”  Sam shrugged his shoulders and nodded in response, not trusting himself to speak words. Jody sighed and folded her arms across her chest. She seemed to be deep in concentration, like she was planning the words that she was about to use. After a few moments of silence passed between them she spoke. “Look, I love (Y/N), I love her like she is one of my own girls, and I wouldn't say a thing against her. But, Sam… she fell for Dean the second they met. She never loved you the way that you wanted her to. Castiel?” She huffed. “That boy has it so bad for you, I wouldn’t be surprised if he hasn't had feelings for you this whole time.”  Sam opened his mouth to speak, but was only silenced by Jody’s raised hand and a stern look. “I’m serious. He looks at you the same way you used to look at her…. The way you looked at him tonight at dinner.” Sam’s heart fluttered inside of his chest.

“Did I really stare at him.. Like that?” She nodded. Sam ran his fingers through his hair nervously. “I don’t know what to do, Jody. What do I do?” Sam looked into her eyes, a combination of desperation and unbridled fear. He was looking for an answer… anything that would get rid of this pit in his stomach.

“Talk to him, Sam. You have to talk to him about how you are feeling because if you don’t… it’s going to eat you both alive. You have to be honest with him.” Sam let her words sink in. Was it really that simple?  

…

Castiel silently followed Claire down the narrow hallway to her bedroom, idly wondering what questions the teenager could have for him. He knew that she had been reading up on lore and training with Sam, but he was apprehensive about this situation. What if she asked him something that he didn’t know? Or something he didn’t want to answer? In fact, spending time alone with her made him feel a bit uncomfortable. They had gotten to a place in their relationship where she didn’t want to kill him on sight anymore, but they weren’t friends. He never expected her to be a hundred percent over their past… he didn’t blame her. Still, he had hopes that someday they could be closer, he felt responsible for what happened to her and cared for her well being.

He smiled awkwardly as she opened her bedroom door and ushered him inside. Castiel was not sure what a teenage girl’s room should look like, but he knew that Claire’s room was a bit ‘dark’ for her age. The dark maroon colored walls were littered with newspaper clippings, crime scene photos and scribbled notes, and the desk was cluttered with stacks of paper and lore books. Castiel briefly wondered if the desk was ever used for the homework she claimed to be completing. Castiel felt Claire brush past him and watched as she threw herself on her unmade bed and pulled out her cell phone. He coughed softly, clearing his throat. “I see you have acquired more lore on angels. What would you like to ask me?” Claire scoffed.

“Yeah, I don’t have any questions” she replied, throwing her phone down on her bed.

“Then why….”

“Because I want the details.” she started, cutting him off.

“Details? Which details are you referring to?” Castiel questioned, a look of pure confusion crossing his face. What was she talking about?

“The details that lead up to you and Big and Tall becoming a thing.”

“A thing?” She huffed in annoyance.

“Yes. When did you guys do the deed?” Cas squinted as she continued. “You know, when you did the tango…. “ Cas shook his head.

“Are you talking about Sam and I?” She laughed out loud then, and Castiel grew even more uncomfortable. He wished that he had insisted on helping Jody and Sam with clean up, feeling as though this conversation was going in a direction he was trying to avoid.

“Duh. When did you become a couple?” She had moved to sit on the edge of the bed with her legs crossed, excited by the idea of gathering intel to share with Jody and Alex later.

“We are not a couple.” Her brows furrowed as she shook her head in disbelief.

“What do you mean, you’re not a couple! How is that even possible?” Castiel shifted nervously on his feet.

“I’m not sure what you mean, Claire. There is nothing romantic going on between Sam and I.”

“That’s bull.” Castiel could feel the beads of sweat forming on his forehead and his body temperature climbing by the second. Using the sleeve of his flannel, he wiped at his face, attempting to hide the signs of his increasing anxiousness. “You like him, Cas. I know you do! Why else would you be staying out here?”

“I needed a place to stay while I heal.” he tried reasoning.

“Yeah, and that could have been a number of places. You wanted to be here with him!”

“I do not see how that indicates romantic feelings.”

“You love him, don’t you?” she asked, using a more serious tone than the angel had expected of her.

“I don’t…”

“Castiel, you are wearing my dad’s face…. You look at Sam the same way Jimmy looked at my mom.” he sighed, feeling defeated. How could he lie to her now? She was the most stubborn person he had ever met, with the exception of Dean, and he knew that he was not going to be able to leave the room without answering her questions.

“Yes. I do have those feelings for Sam.” She smiled softly, rolling her shoulders back as if rolling the heaviness of her previous statement. Castiel felt a microscopic weight lift after his admission, finally admitting it out loud even if it was to Claire was something he had never been able to do before.

“So what’s the hold up? What is stopping you from being with him then?.” Castiel looked down at the floor, scratching his head while trying to avoid eye contact with the young girl. She examined him for a moment, making Castiel feel like he was under investigation. She rose from her spot on the bed and walked across the room, standing before him. He was forced to look at her now, her shorter frame forcing itself in his space. “He doesn’t know does he?”

“No.” He was surprised when she placed a hand on his shoulder, not knowing her to show others much affection.

“Cas, why haven't you told him?”  Cas exhaled.

“Because Sam does not return my feelings. I would not want to cause him any discomfort.” Her mood suddenly shifted as she laughed and rested her head on his shoulder. He stood there, letting her get it out of her system, waiting patiently for an explanation. She pulled back after a few moments and wiped an imaginary tear from her eye.

“For an angel you are so dumb sometimes!” Cas stared at her, wondering where this insult had come from. “He likes you too, you big idiot.”

“I think you’re mistaken.”

“Oh no… I am not ‘mistaken’. Do you want to know what really happened to all of your “cookies?” she asked, using air quotes to carry her point across.

“My cookies?” She nodded and reached into her pocket, pulling out three of the baked discs and handing them to Castiel.

“Their burnt… overdone.. No offense.” she added. “He made us hide them and lie so you wouldn’t know.”

“Why would he not tell me they were inedible?”

“Because he didn’t want you to feel bad! He did not want your feelings to be hurt…. It’s textbook, Cas.” He turned the cookies over in his hands, thinking about her words. “And that look I was talking about?” she snapped in front of his face, demanding his attention. “He was giving it to you too.”

“Claire, I….. are you sure?” She nodded, crossing her arms.

“You need to talk to him.”

“I suppose so.” he paused. Could this really be true? Castiel had been in love with Sam Winchester since he had first laid eyes on him, and he had become comfortable with its one-sidedness. He was content with simply being in the younger man’s presence, had made peace with his unrequited love. If Claire was right, then things were about to change, and Castiel was not sure how he felt about it, a feeling of knots forming in his stomach.

“CAS!” The two were brought out of the moment by the sound of Sam calling from the living room.

“In here!” Claire called out. A few moment’s later Sam’s head poked in the doorway, giving her a small smile before turning his gaze to Cas.

“Jody has an early shift tomorrow. We should probably get going.” Cas nodded in acknowledgement.

“Very well. I’ll be with you in a moment.” Claire didn’t miss the look the Sam gave the angel before he took his leave, most likely to retrieve his containers full of leftovers. She tapped Castiel on the shoulder gently, bringing him into a tight hug.  

“For what it's worth…. I hope it works out. You both deserve to be happy.”

[samstiels-deactivated20201212]

@samanddeaninpanties replied to your post “i never ever go into ship tags any more bc i’m a crotchety fandom...”

Just crumbs, huh? From what I've seen, sastiel has only grown stronger over the years, but okay ��

@samanddeaninpanties replied to your post “i never ever go into ship tags any more bc i’m a crotchety fandom...”

I'd love to see you fight them. Also, not every sastiel shipper is nice and chill. Example: me.

you are an exception to every rule my love, always have been 😘

i suppose every tiny society needs a warrior or two, but not at the cost of sanity, like I’ll fight if I have to but it’s been fifteen seasons and I’m tired