#I just make lists when I'm stressed
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xoxoemynn · 1 month ago
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Every time I have a random day off, all I can think about is how much happier and more put together I'd be if we had four-day work weeks.
And not "sure, you can have a four-day week, but you still need to put in 40 hours in a week."
Just. Four days. Get your work done. Sign off when it's done, don't feel obligated to fill the rest of your day just to say that you did.
Imagine.
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icewindandboringhorror · 9 days ago
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recent things and such~
#photo diary#image 1 - kind of interesting lacy looking clouds. Image 2 - pinky purple sunset stuff#image 3 - These REALLY cool flowers I saw in a field ? growing wild so like.. weeds I guess. but I like the color of them and how the#petals are small and layered. Image 4 & 5 - More recent hair growth progress. I still think it will never get much longer because#it's been basically the same lenght for multiple years now BUT I do feel like maybe it's getting like... just the tiniest bit longer?? Just#not as obvious of progress as the first few years. Like now if I take it out of the braids and actually hold it so it goes straight down th#very tips of the hair on one side goes down to the tip of my pointer finger. and on the other side goes a little past my thumb. and I#remember maybe last year or two years ago it was only to my knuckles or like midway down my thumb. so.. perhaps it's not reached a#maximum genetic possible length just YET as I'd thought it had maybe lol.. perhaps I could slowly gain a cenitmeter or two#here and there gjbjh.. Unfortunately incredibly doubtful it will ever be down to my knees though as I had wished. oh well.#image 6 - writing again... as always... Slowly chipping away... And looking for ways to make it go faster lol. The original premise was 8#main characters with 6 quests for each. Then it was 5 with 6 quests. Now it's 4 with 4 quests each. And even that I'm like hmm... what#about having only 3... so it could be done faster... lol.. I think mostly just because I have no gaurantee of investment. So it's like#I could spend years and years doing 500.000+ words of writing and then have about 3 people total actually play the game and nobody cares#and nothing ever comes of it. You know? So I have to balance that somehow. And rather that put out the 100% complete version#be putting out like 'here's ENOUGH of it for you to see what the concept is and what it's like. and IF theres any investment then I#can put in the effort to finish the few bits that I left in more of a preview form'' type of thing. And then it's like.. well if I'm#limiting the initial scope anyway - how much is enough to cut away? and how much would be TOO much? etc. etc. I'm pretty sure I#already have it down to a balanced minimum but some days when I'm very stressed over my ability to actually finish anything I'm like..#ehhhh..maybe I could make another main character into a side character.. as a treat lol..#image 7 - cabbage noodle beef stir fry sort of thing. As usual I kind of cook the beef too long because I'm afraid of getting sick if it's#underdone despite preferring medium rare steak lol.. Funnily because usually making something at home has the advantage of you#being able to do it Exactly The Way You Like It whereas me cooking meat is often like.. ah yes.. the worse way that I dont even like. love#to make a tough chewy anxiously overcooked protein puck for myself. :3 Images 8 - 10 -- various plants from the deck. though#some of these pictures are old and they're no longer alive lol.. Most of my plants actually do live through the winter because I#painstakingly move them inside and outside and inside and outside depending on the temperatures. But sometimes.. one cannot#help but be lost. Especially the temperature change sometimes can make them more prone to mold and stuff. and humidity is#hard to control indoors. There's always one or two that deteriorate despite my best efforts. But that's better than every single one of the#dying because they alll freeze when it gets to 20F one night and I left them outside or something lol#ANYWAY.. hrm.. still working on friend quiz thing... and sculptures.. and videos maybe?? costumes... rghhhghhrrr.. (< to do list angst)
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forcebookish · 5 months ago
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i need a new strategy for like, cleaning my room and doing yoga and reading and leaving the house. the adhd has reached mythic levels of bad. i have the thought, "i should do X," and then i won't move. i make a to-do list and i won't do anything on it. i queue up a yoga practice and i won't do it. i stare at my room and get stressed out about how cluttered it is. i write 3000 words of notes for a fic i don't even know if i'm going to write. i think and i think and i think about my OCs and they won't let me write them. i spend hours looking at stuff i can't buy. i take like an hour to write this.
#rum.txt#i have to do something about my phone...........#i might be able to uninstall tumblr#i can't uninstall twitter because the stupid fucking thing turns off notifications when you do#so i wouldn't be able to catch up on the accs i have notifs on for#(a very small list of forcebook- and kaibaek-related accs)#i can't uninstall instagram because of forcebook again lol#i also use it for recipes sigh#but i might start just... leaving it in my room when i get up and see how that goes#i'd also have to try to not look at my phone first thing in the morning#i also have to start actually getting up in the morning#i think that's the main thing#ok maybe when i take my medication in the evening i start getting ready for bed#it'll take long enough that it'll probably still be late but reasonable late#and not like. almost 3 am like now#one of the problems with my room right now is that i have a lot of STUFF#and i'm afraid of getting rid of the STUFF#because the last time i got rid of a bunch of STUFF#(mostly clothes)#i totally regretted most of it and i'm still like ah shit i don't have that anymore? :(#but also i have a big bed that i just want OUT of there#and a huge wardrobe that unfortunately holds a lot of the STUFF#so i don't know where all the STUFF would go#and every job i apply to sucks#and every job i actually want is TERRIFYING in both its unattainability and the miniscule possibility of its improbable successful executio#so i'm like stressed out about a thing that hasn't happened to make something that hasn't happened that i'm also stressed out about#every possible scenario whether i want it or not feels like it could lead to a meltdown because everything is so god damn hard right now#AND I FEEL SO!!!!!! SMALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and the worst part is that i know all this is because my stupid fucking period is coming up#but just because my hormones are making me feel overwhelmed and melodramatic about everything doesn't make anything i've said untrue
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atissi · 2 years ago
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@cynoglav​ excellent question. excuse me while i have a category 5 hyperfixation moment.
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this is my #1 favourite comp, which i fondly refer to as “jingled for death”. very lightweight, fast and packs a punch. you get decent healing between arbalest and occultist, good stress healing from jester, high damage output from arbalest and bounty hunter, and you get occultist mostly setting up kills or negating damage. the primary downside is that they’re all a bit squishy (especially poor occultist who has to be in rank 2 to use his stun) so you have to spend a lot of time managing health. however, since they all have high speed, i haven’t had too much trouble with killing, stunning, or debuffing enemies before they can act.
obviously you might want to exchange jester for houndmaster for better mark synergies, but imo they’re very similar units mechanically (dodgy bleed units with a stress heal) and i prefer the buffs+finale to cleaves+guards in this case. it allows for a more offensive playstyle (although I do equip arbalest with bola and jester with harvest to cover the cleaves a bit). since ive been getting more comfortable with using houndmaster though, i might give marked for death another shot!
“jingled for death” was my first endgame comp and they fucking nailed it. it helped that my occultist had a +8 speed boost from the brothel, so he was just marking everything before they even had a chance to react. love you poussin <3 wish you’d stop losing my fucking trinkets in bed though. or getting a speed debuff because you sprained your hip.
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runner-up goes to this comp, which i discovered recently and had an absolute blast with. formally it’s called “bloodbath” but i like to call them the artery obliterators. basically i equip my highwayman with grapeshot blast and a shit ton of accuracy trinkets. everyone else i give damage and crit builds. ideally highwayman gets the first turn to just blow up the first three ranks. then the other three units crit-nuke everything. with hound’s harry AND extra grapeshot blasts, you can crit-check the first 3 ranks in one go. it’s incredibly satisfying and honestly great for stress management. my main concern is the lack of a good spot healer to get someone off death’s door though; flagellant can manage the bulk of healing pretty well, and hellion and houndmaster can save themselves, AND in a pinch houndmaster can guard whoever’s in trouble, but i have trust issues from previous units dying to DOT before I can heal them, so i don’t use this comp too often. just for fun and just for bleed areas
i also recently had a lot of fun with arbalest+plague doctor+flagellant+crusader in crimson court, but i’d have to playtest it in other areas. it’s really fun having so much healing and stress healing available, and the rank access is great.
other honorary mentions: any comp designed for dancers (i love positioning strats so much you don’t even know), leper with revenge and a guard unit (houndmaster and man-at-arms obviously works for negating damage, but antiquarian actually works great for boosting leper’s prot and dodge), plague doctor and flagellant (very synergistic healing and rank access), and jester and leper (power of love)
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theflyingfeeling · 1 year ago
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fanfic rambling in the tags, nothing interesting really, just me talking to myself lol, okay to ignore or read as you please ✨
#so i've found the perfect prompt list for an olli/allu fic advent calendar sorta thing#but i'm too intimidated by my own expectations and ridiculously high standards to even start writing any of them 😭#honestly these prompts are so insanely cute and fit olli/allu PERFECTLY#like. i'm actually having trouble deciding which ones to use because i want to write them all 🥺💞#but i'm so so scared that i'll just end up writing the same (boring) story over again for 24 times 😔#i wish i could just write without thinking and trying so hard to write a literary masterpiece#when i KNOW it's alright if it's just a silly little story about my blorbos#that's perfectly enough and i know this but my brain's just not having it 😩#also if i were to write 24 independent fics i'd have to keep them short and simple but. that's not how i do fics. unfortunately (for me)#to overcome this i guess one option would be to write just one longer piece with 24 chapters#and somehow try to include the prompt of the day in each chapter 🤔#but i don't want to make this even more complicated to myself lol especially because i'm planning to write AUs for a couple of the prompts#i REALLY want to do prompts (of any kind!!) but i'm just so scared of stressing myself out to another months-long writer's block 😭#fair enough the last time that happened (last winter/spring) i was in a shitty place mentally anyway#and so far i've been happy to be writing on random bursts of inspiration. that's how it's the easiest for me. the words just...flow out#i'm so insanely jealous of anyone who can just create stuff when given any prompt 😭#y'all are super humans to me how do you do it pls spill your secrets#and anyone tempted to comfort me by saying i shouldn't stress myself over this and that i don't have to write anything i don't wanna write:#i knoooooowwww and i appreactiate the sentiment but the thing is i actually DO want to write these prompts 😭#in theory at least. because they really are cute as fuck wth 🥺#the problem is that i can't /force/ myself to write something at the snap of my fingers without a clear idea besides the prompt#and also because i know it can take me days to finish even one story let alone 24 💀#so to even START on this project is a little intimidating 🫣#i just fear i won't have the patience :(#and when i realise i won't be able to finish the project i'll become frustrated with myself#if only i knew how to write shorter one-scenes in order to not tire myself out#but often i find those kind of fics somehow...unsatisfying :(#i'm just a sucker for crafting the context/background for stories. a little flesh around the bones if you will 🤧#okay that's all now i'm gonna go stare at a wall while doing nothing useful for the rest of the weekend byeeee#if you read this far i hope you're having a nice saturday
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l0stw00d · 4 months ago
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Gamers, I fear I may have boydyked too close to the sun (the stress is really starting to Get to m
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bredforloyalty · 8 months ago
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i don't even hate research i think this house my parents just deplete me
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starryjkoo · 9 months ago
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PJM2 + Solo Music Timeline Theory pt2
So I already did my big desperate timeline prediction post, but now that we got RPWP and another possible PJM2 hint with MMM, I do have some updated thoughts. So here’s a pt2.
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I’m going to stick with my prediction that PJM2 could be a summer album, and if so I think that a July release would make a lot of sense considering the album release pattern that has sort of emerged (although one time is definitely not enough to establish a pattern lol).
Basically there was exactly two months between the release of HOTS (march 29th) and RPWP (may 24th), and exactly one month between HOTS release and RPWP preorders. That means if we keep the same pattern the next album will come out at the end of July with preorders opening end of June.
This would actually be perfect considering the first half of June is going to be dedicated to Jin’s return and FESTA. What better way to cap off FESTA celebrations than an album announcement? And this schedule is the perfect way to keep content flowing without gaps or too much overlap.
We know for FESTA content we’re getting Jin’s return, RPWP MV #4 (iirc), and my guess would be possibly Jikook show teaser/announcement, maybe a group single from the vault like Take Two? There might be some more subunit variety content like MMM too. I’m sure they have some stuff planned. Plus Jin returning will be huge.
Also this album release order would follow another pattern (that might be unintentional) but basically it would be following their debut album release order: JITB -> Indigo -> FACE, HOTS -> RPWP -> PJM2
If JK releases a single after PJM2 it would also somewhat follow this pattern considering Seven came after FACE, and I don’t think Yoongi is going to be dropping music if he’s really keeping an extra low profile because of alternative enlistment. Although Fri(end)s would be the outlier here, so maybe I’m overthinking this part lol.
I still think the Jikook show could come out during the summer and be used to promote both of Jikook’s music releases. JK also hinted that he had something big in the summer so I’m still assuming it’s going to be a single (unless he’s the one with an album).
I somehow forgot about JKs documentary when I made my last post. I can’t remember if there was any actual information about when it would be released? But if we don’t have any idea, I could see September working really well if they use his birthday month like Jimin did for the Production Diary.
If JK has a single in August it would flow perfectly into Golden documentary and bonus documentary content in September. If he’s the one to release music in July I could also see it being released for Seven anniversary too.
But there’s definitely enough time for Jikook to both release music between June - August if one of them is releasing a single and the other an album, although that would be crazy considering Jikook are probably going to have the most intense releases as far as charting goes. I could see either of them releasing in September/October too. I won’t survive if we have to wait until 2025 for PJM2 so I’m not going to entertain that train of thought just yet, and JK said summer for himself so.
I guess we’ll have to wait and see. I really have no idea! This is definitely probably way too much speculation based on absolutely nothing substantial 😭 but this is how I keep myself sane while the fandom implodes.
But yeah, my current prediction timeline is
First half of June - Jin return, FESTA content, RPWP MV, maybe Jikook show teaser 2nd half of June - PJM2 announcement and preorders 1st half of July - possible PJM2 prerelease and content, maybe Jikook show starts 2nd half of July - PJM2, MMM mini edition August - JK releases a single or EP + Jikook show could start if it hasn’t yet September - possible JK documentary with extra content and rollout similar to Jimin’s Production Diary, or once again Jikook show if it hasn't started yet October - Hobi returns, maybe Jin album announcement? (if we were following previous pattern it would be an album at the end of the month, but that's probably way too soon)
And then obviously the rest of the year will be mostly Jin album, maybe also a single, and various promotions and activities + not sure how soon Hobi will start releasing content but he did say he had plans post-enlistment so we’ll definitely see something. And I do think a mini tour in 2025 seems crazy but possible. That would absolutely fill up the beginning of the year with something big and exciting to tide ARMYs over until June.
I can’t remember if Namjoon or Taehyung mentioned documentaries for their albums? But that could happen too, and I’m sure that the enlisted members have more surprises outside of their major music releases considering MMM came out of nowhere, so maybe some mini subunit variety content, or some more singles and collabs.
Still I hope this timeline is right. I don’t think I could handle a much longer wait for PJM2 or the travel show tbh 😭
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omegapheromone · 2 years ago
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I would do anything to get Star Railed by the fine men of this stupid money scam game
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traitimdoithay · 1 year ago
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lately i've been using listography for all sorts of lists but the one thing i get frustrated about is that it's really limited in its list categories, if that makes sense. you can either place them under the existing 4 tabs or you choose a sub-category/make your own and it makes it all so cluttered haha. i've tried looking into list and bulletin board apps but all the ones i've looked at so far don't seem to be what i'm looking for, which is really unfortunate because i'm willing to move on from listography if i can find a website/app that operates similar to it but gives me the option to display all lists under the same category in its own tab.. ack!
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living with people who Walk Extremely Fast while needing time alone in the shared house spaces to do your basic selfcare/starting-the-day routines + having Trauma around being seen even fucking existing in shared spaces, including a long-ongoing and hefty dose of it from said people themselves, is a living hell actually. especially when they insist on constantly leaving doors wide open that would normally mitigate the house being a fucking panopticon and also give you like two seconds' warning that they're entering the space so you can brace yourself or leave. Hate
#moogletalks#me: starves myself for hours; takes my medication extremely late; and spends 90% of my time trapped in my bed with my health deteriorating#while waiting for people to Fucking Go Somewhere Else and Stay There for Like 20 Fucking Minutes Jesus Christ#me: finally either musters myself to tiptoe out and quietly go about my business because i thought they found somewhere else to be#or just fucking gives up and braces myself for sandpaper to my triggers + probably filling the Flip Out and Abuse Moogle meter a little more#housemates: GOD YOU'RE SO FUCKING LAZY RUDE AND SELFISH YOU JUST WANT TO HOG THE COMMON AREAS AND HAVE EVERY LITTLE THING HOW YOU WANT IT#YOU'RE COLD AND UNFRIENDLY AND ONLY WANT TO LIVE HERE LIKE A LEECH BECAUSE YOU STAY IN YOUR ROOM ALL THE TIME#BUT ALSO I HATE SEEING YOUR FACE AROUND AND YOU DON'T SPEND EVERY MOMENT I CAN SEE YOU ENTERTAINING ME OR BEING ''PRODUCTIVE''#[MULTI-HOUR SCREAMING MATCH AND THREATENING TO MAKE YOU HOMELESS BECAUSE YOU HAD THE UPPITYBITCH AUDACITY TO ASK ME TO TURN A LIGHT OFF WHEN#I LEAVE A ROOM OR MAKE A LIST OF CHORES OR STOP TURNING THE THERMOSTAT TWO DEGREES PAST WHAT YOU CAN TOLERATE]#it's like fucking clockwork and i'm sick of it and when the people involved walk like they're training for the fucking olympics#and constantly remove or invade every single way for you to avoid them the tiniest fucking bit#it makes things a hundred thousand times more stressful!!!!!!!#and i KNOW most of these people would be doing the exact same thing with my bedroom if it was even slightly more socially acceptable#they would be straight up taking the bathroom door off its hinges so they can repeatedly walk in and out while you're trying to take a shit#it is a hundred thousand fucking percent a control thing and i hate it i hate it go AWAY. GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY#abuse cw#ableism cw#venting cw#food insecurity cw#housing insecurity cw#traumatag#adventures in mental illness
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hum--hallelujah · 1 year ago
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wait so I can add MORE angst? 👀
#reading about the effects of having your vocal cords severed.... oh boy#oh I can make this so angsty if I want to...#either it's like. Benze is super cognizant of it in that doctorish way he has and is constantly waiting for something to happen#OR it doesn't even cross his mind. it's one of a set of symptoms that are kept on a list in the back of his mind and he spends#so much time fretting about communication that he doesn't even think about any of the rest of it until it happens#and then suddenly his best friend in the world is choking on nothing and looking to him with wild panicked eyes#because crab didn't expect this either. how would he?#severed vocal cords lead to vocal cord paralysis which has common effects of trouble breathing/swallowing etc and choking#the internet does not want to be forthcoming about my fictional hypothetical of what happens if you get both#cords straight up sliced but like. you can imagine#idk I'm just Thinking#something happens like crab gets knocked out or drugged or smth and benze is so concerned that he'll have#breathing problems while unconscious#and knowing all of that means that the others get kind of spun up about it too#(meaning: sandman gets so stressed out he thinks he's gonna throw up because he's ridiculously high strung anyway#and doesn't like when one of his friends is hurt aND ANOTHER ONE IS TALKING ABOUT POTENTIAL COMPLICATIONS#LIKE IT'S NOTHING.)#(actually I think it's really funny bc when Benze is in doctor mode he does come off as really cold and unfeeling#even though what's really happening is that he's falling back on facts that he knows and trusts in. medical stuff he can handle#so he's super clinical about it most of the time. and it drives the others up a wall bc they think he doesn't care)#ok sorry I'm just rambling somewhat unrelatedly now about stuff#ddas
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doggirl-narcolepsy · 2 years ago
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.........................................i haven't slept all night and i have a job interview in 2 hours :)
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airenyah · 2 years ago
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finally in bed. opening day went great tho. except for the fact that one part of a prop broke and another disappeared after the show over (it's ok tho, i bought spares just in case)
technically i'm doing only a hospitanz which is when you sit in rehearsal to learn through observation and then maybe do some minor tasks. i'm at a super small theater tho so there's actually a lot of work for me to do. and it's my second year working with this team so now i know my way around too. ngl i feel like i do a lot more than the actual assistant director. the actors handed out little opening day presents with handwritten cards and pretty much all of them mentioned how hard-working and meticulous i am. it feels amazing to see that all my efforts are being seen and appreciated. planning on asking if next year i can be the assistant director right away
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venusdebotticelli · 10 months ago
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This used to work for me, until the weight of it ended up piling up on me to the point it crushed me and made me drop out of school (and then made me drop out again two more times when I tried to go back to it and the same thing happened again).
It's such terrible advice too because you're training yourself to only be able to work under terrible amounts of stress, and the level of stress you need in order to push you to actually get things done keeps getting higher and higher, until you're at such a baseline level of stress all the time that you become both numb and hypersensitive to it, simultaneously. So when you do inevitably miss a very important deadline that can ruin your life, it can very easily become traumatic in a way that breaks you completely, and you become incapable of doing anything at all if there's even a shadow of stress associated to it. And seeing how you needed the stress in order to get things done in the first place, because you were never taught proper strategies that allow you to actually get things done in a way that's sustainable with your adhd when you haven't got that pressure, you can very easily become stuck, unable to do anything at all.
And yeah, I haven't got any actual advice on what you can do instead, because I've been busy dealing with the actual clinically diagnosed c-ptsd that growing up with undiagnosed and horribly mismanaged adhd and autism gave me, and I still haven't found anything that actually works for me.
Just wanted to emphasise that following that kind of "advice" is completely unsustainable and can potentially end up really fucking you up, so throw it in the garbage whenever you see it.
There's a bunch of adhd advice out there that's like "people with adhd tend to work better under deadlines due to the anxiety so here are ways to artificially induce a stress response in order to get you to get work done" and it's like well what if I don't want to be stressed out all the time in order to function
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talkorsomething · 8 months ago
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They literally just had a conversation about ice cube trays and whether or not they were clean (they decided they were not i think?) and did NOT ask me anything. Do i not exist to you people
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